The Eternal War
Raimie has been living a nice, boring life in a safe corner of the woods until he comes across a random sword in the forest, and everything changes. On the run from a powerful sorcerer, he's forced to accept that he's the last heir to a royal line, foretold to defeat the ancient evil suppressing his homeland. The invisible beings trailing his every step, along with the suspicious anomalies they prompt in him, aren't helping with that goal. If that weren't enough, the nightmares he's had all his life have twisted into something weird and yet, familiar.
Thank the gods for family and the new friend he's made along the way. Maybe things will turn out ok, if he could get a moment to think.
Or not! There's another threat coming to wreck his life. Time to run again.
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We have slowly been uploading text-to-speech files for this book and The Art of Becoming for the last year or so. FYI, we have used AI to create these files. We intend to eventually have all of our books made into proper audiobooks with a human narrator, but until then, we want to make our books available to all sorts of people, whether of different abilities or otherwise. Hence, the TTS files. You'll find a link to each chapter's file at the end of it.
- Front Matter
- The Undying Champions
- Prelude
- Chapter 1: Discovery
- Chapter 2: Awakening
- Chapter 3: A Celebration
- Chapter 4: Mistakes
- Chapter 5: A Push Out the Door
- Chapter 6: Disrupting Changes
- Chapter 7: Fissid
- Chapter 8: Escaping Fire
- Chapter 9: See Here Your Ally
- Chapter 10: When We Met
- Chapter 11: Expectations
- Chapter 12: Facing the Tribunal
- Chapter 13: Last Minute Errands
- Chapter 14: Unpleasant First Encounters
- Chapter 15: Explain Yourself
- Chapter 16: The First Trial
- Chapter 17: Sentence Handed Down
- Chapter 18: 'Appropriate' Punishment
- Chapter 19: Advancing Mysteries
- Chapter 20: The Second Trial
- Chapter 21: Blood on My Hands
- Chapter 22: Return to Society
- Chapter 23: Trip Planning
- Chapter 24: The Start of a Journey
- Interlude 1.1: Hope
- Interlude 1.2: Hope
- Interlude 1.3: Hope
- Interlude 1.4: Hope
- Chapter 25: Another Teacher
- Chapter 26: What's Wrong with Me?
- Chapter 27: The Tear Beneath the Mountain
- Chapter 28: Beyond the Veil
- Chapter 29: Dealing with Teenage Boys
- Chapter 30: First Half of the Truth
- Chapter 31: Healing Duties
- Chapter 32: Approaching the Truth
- Chapter 33: What You Are
- Chapter 34: The Withriingalm
- Chapter 35: Changing Relationships
- Chapter 36: Cross the Line
- Chapter 37: The Conspiracy in Our Midst
- Chapter 38: A Lull
- Chapter 39: An Explanation
- Chapter 40: A Lesson
- Chapter 41: The Investigation
- Chapter 42: You, All Along
- Chapter 43: A City and the Sea
- Chapter 44: Surfacing
- Chapter 45: Ruined Plans
- Chapter 46: An Angry Queen
- Interlude 2.1: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.2: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.3: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.4: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.5: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.6: The Beginning
- Interlude 2.7: The Beginning
- Chapter 47: A Rescue Attempt
- Chapter 48: Infiltration
- Chapter 49: Welcome to Daira
- Chapter 50: Another Tear
- Chapter 51: Time In Between
- Chapter 52: Polite Interrogation
- Chapter 53: Who Are You, Really?
- Chapter 54: Kaedesa's Hospitality
- Chapter 55: The Primal Forces' Desire
- Chapter 56: Sneaky, Sneaky
- Chapter 57: Staying Alive
- Chapter 58: What Have You Been Up To?
- Chapter 59: Goodbye, Dear Friend
- Chapter 60: Escape
- Chapter 61: The First Oath
- Chapter 62: Nice to See You Again
- Chapter 63: The Accession Tear
- Chapter 64: Life at Sea
- Chapter 65: Battle at Sea
- Chapter 66: The Aftermath-Large Scale
- Chapter 67: The Aftermath-Small Scale
- Chapter 68: Life at Sea Part Two
- Chapter 69: Arrival
- Chapter 70: Crash Landing
- Interlude 3.1: Despair
- Interlude 3.2: Despair
- Interlude 3.3: Despair
- Interlude 3.4: Despair
- Interlude 3.5: Despair
- Chapter 71: Second Meeting
- Chapter 72: A Harsh Introduction
- Chapter 73: Enemy or Ally?
- Chapter 74: That Was Unexpected
- Chapter 75: Reuniting with Her
- Chapter 76: Half of My Soul
- Chapter 77: Back to Real Life
- Chapter 78: So... I'm Not Dead
- Chapter 79: Da'kul
- Chapter 80: Why Didn't You Tell Me?
- Chapter 81: The Heart of the Resistance
- Chapter 82: Sudden Hostility
- Chapter 83: Maintaining Potential Allies
- Chapter 84: Reporting In
- Chapter 85: Fixing What's Broken
- Chapter 86: More Spies
- Chapter 87: Accept Your Role, Stubborn One
- Chapter 88: Found You
- Chapter 89: A Proper Reunion
- Chapter 90: Meeting Her Family
- Chapter 91: Delivering Bad News
- Chapter 92: Mild Panic
- Chapter 93: Let's Start This Thing
- Chapter 94: Battle Plans
- Chapter 95: Questions for a Friend
- Chapter 96: The Night Before
- Chapter 97: Unexpected Complications
- Chapter 98: Battle on the Beach, Part One
- Chapter 99: Battle on the Beach, Part Two
- Chapter 100: Final Confrontation
- Interlude 4.1: The Ending
- Interlude 4.2: The Ending
- Interlude 4.3: The Ending
- Chapter 101: You're WHAT Now?
- Chapter 102: Finding the Others
- Chapter 103: Finishing Touches
- Chapter 104: Hello, I'm the Villain
- When Friends Collide
- A King's Caution Part One
- Chapter 1: Keeping Watch
- Chapter 2: Taking a Fortress
- Chapter 3: Trapped
- Chapter 4: An Interrogation
- Chapter 5: Inklings of Past Trouble
- Chapter 6: The King's Hand
- Chapter 7: Is Torture Ever Acceptable?
- Chapter 8: Expected Hatred
- Chapter 9: What Happens When You Die?
- Chapter 10: Unexpected Compassion
- Chapter 11: Victorious Return
- Chapter 12: Her Misconception
- Chapter 13: Her Brother
- Chapter 14: Homecoming
- Chapter 15: Sibling Solace
- Chapter 16: Uncomfortable Conversations
- Chapter 17: Resolving Things
- Adventures of the Hand 1.1
- Adventures of the Hand 1.2
- Adventures of the Hand 1.3
- Adventures of the Hand 1.4
- Adventures of the Hand 1.5
- Chapter 18: My Perspective
- Chapter 19: A Spy's Report
- Chapter 20: Discussing Next Steps
- Chapter 21: Meeting's Conclusion
- Adventures of the Hand 2.1
- Adventures of the Hand 2.2
- Adventures of the Hand 2.3
- Chapter 22: A Pit Stop
- Chapter 23: Suspicions of Past Trouble
- Chapter 24: A Friend's Story
- Chapter 25: The Moments Before
- Chapter 26: The Battle of the Birthing Grounds, Part One
- Chapter 27: The Battle of the Birthing Grounds, Part Two
- Chapter 28: Saving the Lost
- Chapter 29: My Fault
- Letter: My Darling
- Interlude 1.1: Apprehension
- Interlude 1.2: Apprehension
- Chapter 30: Broken Relationship
- Chapter 31: What's Wrong?
- Chapter 32: Frozen Grief Part One
- Chapter 33: Frozen Grief Part Two
- Chapter 34: Frozen Grief Part Three
- Chapter 35: Unexpected Guests
- Chapter 36: A Proposition
- Chapter 37: Restoring Memories
- Chapter 38: Nothing But Derision
- Chapter 39: False Life
- Chapter 40: The Truth of the Well
- Chapter 41: Why Would You Do This to Me?
- Chapter 42: It's True
- Chapter 43: My Intentions
- Chapter 44: Gaining Him Means Losing Her
- Chapter 45: Life Is Never Fair
- Chapter 46: Shift in Perspective
- Chapter 47: I Love You But...
- Chapter 48: A Friend's Revelation
- Adventures of the Hand 3.1
- Adventures of the Hand 3.2
- Adventures of the Hand 3.3
- Chapter 49: Full Extent of the Problem
- Chapter 50: Pivot Point
- Chapter 51: Saying Goodbye
- Chapter 52: A Decision for Myself
- Chapter 53: While on the Way Part One
- Chapter 54: While on the Way Part Two
- Chapter 55: A Sane Day
- Letter: My Darling 2
- Chapter 56: Advancing on the Capital
- Chapter 57: This Is a Trap
- Chapter 57: Horror Left Behind
- Interlude 2: Arrogance
- Half-Fulfilled
- A King's Caution Part Two
- Chapter 59: A Kingdom at Peace
- Chapter 60: Personal Trouble
- Chapter 61: Admitting Defeat
- Chapter 62: And Her
- Chapter 63: First Outside Interaction
- Chapter 64: Immature Boys
- Chapter 65: The Results of My Actions
- Chapter 66: Ivelais
- Chapter 67: Searching
- Chapter 68: The First of Them
- Chapter 69: Reunion
- Chapter 70: Hopeful Speculation
- Chapter 71: Catching Up
- Chapter 72: A Broken Tear
- Chapter 73: Fixing a Rip in Reality
- Chapter 74: Unfortunate Circumstances
- Adventures of the Hand 4.1
- Adventures of the Hand 4.2
- Adventures of the Hand 4.3
- Adventures of the Hand 4.4
- Chapter 75: Confession
- Chapter 76: Help for a Friend
- Chapter 77: Consequences
- Chapter 78: The Investiture
- Chapter 79: Disaster
- Chapter 80: A Shockingly Easy Resolution
- Chapter 81: What Are We Now?
- Chapter 82: How Reality Works
- Chapter 83: Meeting Him
- Letter: Wife
- Chapter 84: All I've Wanted, Part One
- Chapter 85: All I've Wanted, Part Two
- Chapter 86: All I Suffered
- Interlude 3.1: Caution
- Interlude 3.2: Caution
- Chapter 87: A Lesson
- Chapter 88: Day of Leisure
- Chapter 89: My Chosen Life
- Chapter 90: An Announcement
- Adventures of the Hand 5.1
- Adventures of the Hand 5.2
- Adventures of the Hand 5.3
- Chapter 91: Left in the Dark
- Chapter 92: Trouble with Her
- Chapter 93: Field Trips and Massacres
- Chapter 94: Fancy Meeting You Here
- Chapter 95: What Do You Want?
- Chapter 96: Home
- Chapter 97: That Was Close
- Letter: Seer Drena
- Chapter 98: This Is It for Us
- Interlude 4: The Fall
- Chapter 99: Confrontation
- Chapter 100: Wrecked Plans
Front Matter
Maps, pronunciation guide, glossary, etc.
Map
Content Warnings
I've done my best to include as many content warnings as I can here, but I can't guarantee that I've caught all of them. As always when reading a novel that covers heavier topics, please keep your mental health in mind!
Throughout: Dissociation, dissociation, dissociation! Amnesia. Flashbacks. Near death experiences.
Book One: death of a child, mentions of torture (nothing graphic)
Book Two: torture (off screen, although the aftermath is described), gore, brief descriptions of past trafficking trauma (nothing graphic), past child abuse, vague references to CSA, one instance of nonconsensual sex (in a flashback, nothing graphic, focus is on the survivor's dissociation tactics), death of a main character's child
Book Three: grief, hopelessness, mention and brief discussion of cannibalism
The Undying Champions
Book One of Three
Prelude
Our clash ended more quickly than I'd expected. Maybe Arivor had gotten as weary of our struggle as I had, but I doubted it. Once he lost his side of the fight, he enjoyed our games too much for that to be true.
As he slumped over my sword, he laughed with blood bubbling on his lips.
"Why do you keep doing this?" he gasped. "We'll only return, given time."
"I know," I said, "but maybe next time will be different. I'll see you soon."
I kicked him off of my blade, and his crazed laughter faded into a gurgle. Tossing my sword to the blood-soaked ground, I trudged toward my once-friend's throne.
Outside, the sounds of battle drew closer. When the rebel commander found her overlord dead with me gone, she'd no doubt claim the kill as her own, but that was fine by me. I wouldn't be here to care.
Settling in my seat, I mimed raising a glass.
"To the coming years of peace," I said. "May our return be long delayed."
Bumping my head against the back of the chair, I let my hands fall as the backlash came. Flames engulfed me, and I collapsed into ash.
Chapter 1: Discovery
Raimie
Life in this corner of the woods had always bored me, but what else should one expect when living so far away from civilization? I didn't mind my slow-paced life or its consistency. It was soothing to know that I could predict everything that might happen each day.
As I got dressed, rain drummed on the roof, as always. Its calming cadence set the tempo to my distracted hum, a buzz I kept soft so I wouldn't wake my father on the other side of our cottage.
I stoked the fire, coaxing it to grow, and all the while, I eyed the contents of the cauldron hanging over it. Should I eat more of last night's mush, or should I find breakfast elsewhere?
Rustling drew me out of my thoughts, and poking the fire again, I made a face.
"Good morning, dad," I said. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
"You didn't," my father said. "I've been up for a while. Didn't you notice?"
Shrugging, I reached for the ladle, deciding to risk the mush. I scarfed down my spoonful, barely tasting it, before heading for the door.
"Can I borrow mama's bow?" I asked.
"I don't see why not," my father said. "You... want to go hunting today?"
Stopping short, I shot a glare over my shoulder. My father was lying in bed, perched on his elbows, but at the look I directed his way, he shifted his gaze sideways.
"You know I do," I said.
Throwing a cloak over my shoulders, I retrieved my mother's metal bow. I hung a quiver over the cloak, shoving another of my mother's otherworldly possessions in a pocket, before laying a hand on the door.
"I should be home before dark," I said.
"All right. Good hunt, son."
I doubted it would be. When I stepped outside, rain doused me, enough so that it seeped down to my skin.
But that was just another aspect of life here. I didn't mind the terrible weather, so long as I kept warm despite it.
Pulling my cloak closed, I hurried to Eledis' nearby hut in leaping strides. My grandfather had always enjoyed his privacy, but I didn't mind going to the old man. The room behind his door was one filled with magic, after all.
As I waited for him to answer my knock, crackling energy zipped under my skin. Eledis had recently come home from his monthly trip to Fissid, the closest town to my family's homestead, and something that I most loved usually came with his return.
The door was flung open with a wrinkled, scowling face behind it. If I hadn't known better, the sharp glare directed my way might have made me retreat into the safety of the nearby forest. As it was, I grinned at the old man.
"Good morning!" I said. "Did I drag you out of bed?"
Judging from Eledis' disheveled hair and nightshirt, I'd guess I had.
"What do you want, kid?" Eledis grumbled.
"Do you have anything for me?" I asked, widening my grin.
Crossing his arms, Eledis said, "That's the first thing you say to me? Really?"
Shaking his head, he frowned.
"What is it with you and your incessant thirst for knowledge?"
He eyed me, raking his gaze up and down my body, before sighing.
"Do you have your mother's bag?" he asked.
I pulled the requested item out of a pocket, and on accepting it, Eledis scanned my soaked-through state once more.
"Stay here," he said.
Thankfully, he left the door open when he returned to the depths of his cottage. I edged as close to its threshold as I could, taking advantage of the warmth within. At the sight of the books haphazardly stacked on the cottage's many surfaces, I badly wanted to keep going, surrounding myself with this glorious refuge that I'd enjoyed since I was small. I might have listened to those desires if a recent scolding hadn't been fresh on my mind. The produced image of Eledis' reddened face still made me cringe.
Said grandfather stomped toward me, offering a book wrapped in my mother's clear bag. Before I could accept it, however, Eledis retracted his gift.
"You bring it back as it is now," he said. "No food or water stains. No dog-eared pages."
Rolling my eyes, I made a failed swipe at the book.
"I did that one time!" I said.
"And I haven't forgotten it," Eledis said. "So?"
Sighing, I said, "I'll return it in pristine condition."
"Good."
I snatched the book from him, ready to leave, but Eledis wasn't quite finished with me yet.
"Is that it? You'll go into the woods as usual?" he said. "Don't you have better things to do today?"
Thank Alouin I'd managed to turn away before Eledis had asked that question. It let me hide my wince, even if my drawn-together shoulders weren't so easy to conceal.
With a cheery grin in place, I twisted toward Eledis as I resumed my trek, waving a wrapped book overhead.
"I have something new to learn," I said. "What's better than that?"
Eledis looked as if he might say more, so I hurried away, loping to get between the trees. I followed a well-worn path through them until I reached my family's hunting blind.
Scrambling up its ladder, I rolled onto the platform above, held between the tree's branches. After scooting into a nearby hollow, I rested my mother's 'compound bow' outside and retrieved the book from where I'd stashed it.
I seriously doubted I'd bring any game home today, but that wouldn't stop me from trying, no matter how half-heartedly. It was my turn to scour the forest with a bow in hand, and any other day, I might have looked for deer tracks or put forth any other effort to hunt.
But today wasn't a typical day. My family knew this, as they knew how much I disliked this chore. They wouldn't expect me to bring anything home.
Still, as I withdrew the book from its 'plastic' bag, I pricked my ear for strange sounds. I opened the book with care, wary of creaking leather, and turned each page as silently as possible. I'd be a ghost in this tree.
Eledis' latest acquisition recounted the recent history of Ada'ir—my home kingdom—in the driest manner possible, but despite that, I devoured its contents. I'd already known most of what I read, but scattered throughout the book's pages were gems of the unknown.
A brief discussion on the Robzul city states' waning power. An analysis of the Southern Kingdoms' threat to Ada'ir. A passing mention about who might once have inhabited the abandoned northern reaches.
But I found the most interesting tidbit in a lengthy passage about our world's current maritime practices.
Since Alouin's arrival here, the point of his entrance—the Accession Tear—has caused the kingdoms around the Narrow Sea undue trouble. Shipping lanes shift near daily because the storms generated by the Tear never follow a set pattern.
In recent years, crossing the sea to Ada'ir's old trading partner in the east has posed such danger and hardship that not many have braved the pass, despite the riches to be made there. To make matters worse, those attempting to cross the Narrow Sea began disappearing with the rise of Doldimar in the year 3225 A.C.E. Soon after this, anyone with a shred of sense learned to avoid Auden on their trading routes.
Frowning, I lowered the book.
Auden. That name had sounded so familiar, and yet, I'd never run across it before, not in my reading at least. It echoed to the back of my mind, and as it did, something responded, or that was what it felt like.
Strange.
Many have speculated about the fate of those who once dared the trip to Auden. Some believe there is no mystery, that all have fallen to the Accession Tear's storms. Others say we should give more credence to the tales of Audish refugees, but almost all in the scholarly community reject this hypothesis. How can the cruelties shared by those people exist in our world?
No. It's much more likely that the refugees have exaggerated their troubles to gain more sympathy here. The question of what to do with them might be the defining moment of King Belqarim's reign.
King Belqarim? As in, Queen Kaedesa's husband? This spread of refugees must have taken place recently. Had I met one, explaining where I'd heard the word Auden before?
That was unlikely. My family and I rarely left our home.
As I continued reading, I looked for more references to Auden, but soon, I'd snapped the book's back cover closed, finding nothing. Storing the book, I made a face.
I hated leaving mysteries unsolved, but how could I solve this one without sounding crazy? At least, that was what I thought my recognition of a previously unknown word would make me seem.
Maybe I could ask my father about it tonight, no matter how much I might hate worrying him. Save for certain subjects, he was fairly accepting when it came to the strange and unusual.
Peeking outside the hollow, I noticed a brief splash of sunlight near the horizon before the tree limbs above dumped water in my face. Sputtering, I retreated into my shelter, wrapping my damp cloak around me.
It was late enough that I could go home if I wanted, but I knew what was waiting for me there. I'd rather sit here, bored and in uncomfortably drying clothes, than face it.
Resting against the hollow's back wall, I listened to the diminished misting of the rain, and soon enough, my eyelids drooped. With another nightmare waking me in sweat-soaked sheets last night, I hadn't gotten much rest, but I didn't want to take a nap so close to sundown. If I wasn't home by dark, my father would panic.
Still, there was something incredibly soothing about solitude found in a familiar place. Shaking my head, I braved the rain, lying belly down beside my mother's bow. I drummed my fingers on the platform, determined to keep... my... eyes...
Black surrounded me, but this wasn't the typical darkness found at night or in a room without light. It shifted and swirled with color peeking through, much like the homemade inks my family used. It was unnerving, uncomfortable, but not nearly as bad as my inability to move.
Something was keeping me paralyzed, although I could say what. No rope was restraining me, but even if it had trapped me so thoroughly, I should be able to flex my fingers or twitch my eyes closed. Instead, the only sign of life I was allowed was the drawn-out scream that I flung into this skin-crawling black.
It was the same nightmare I'd had since I was a child, one whose details fell away from me when I woke up, but whenever I found myself here, I remembered every instance of it. After so many years of experiencing this terror almost every night, one would think I'd have gotten used to it by now.
One would think.
So, when something changed in my perpetual nightmare, it chilled me more than anything. A flicker of motion caught my eye, and my scream faded to nothing.
"Hello?" I rasped. "Is someone there?"
Breathlessly, I waited, wondering if I'd lost my mind. Surprised it had taken this long if I had.
Right as the distraction lost its hold on my voice, settling me into the nightmare's rhythm once more, something hung into my field of view, right over my head. A face, hooded and shadowed, looked down on me, and with my eyes going wide, my mouth went dry. Someone lived in this nightmare with me?
"Please," I croaked. "Help me."
The figure cocked its hood, lowering it toward me. It stopped before I could make out the features within, but even so, I could swear I knew-
Straightening, the hooded figure shook their head before pulling themselves away. I screamed after them, pleas and curses and-
The platform beneath me changed places with open air, and as I fell, something scraped against my leg, shifting down until it was flung away. Sleep only lost its hold on me when the ground halted my fall.
Groaning, I took sips of air until I could roll onto my back, splaying my limbs.
What had happened? Despite my best efforts, I'd fallen asleep, obviously. Had another nightmare plagued me while I'd been napping? It must have. If I wasn't having one of those, I didn't typically move in my sleep.
Slowly, I climbed to my feet, and when my body didn't scream at me about any damage I'd acquired, I strode for the ladder. The sky was bruising purple, and if I didn't hurry, I wouldn't make it home before dark.
When I poked my head above the platform, however, I froze. Eledis' book was on me, bouncing in its pocket, but I saw no sign of my mother's bow on the platform.
After sliding down the ladder, I rubbed at my burning hands while hurrying in the direction I'd fallen. I wasn't afraid of how my father might react to me losing the bow, like I would have been if I'd lost my grandfather's book. He certainly wouldn't be happy that I'd misplaced it, but he'd never let that anger turn violent.
No. I was searching the forest for my own reasons.
"Come on, come on!" I muttered.
I disregarded the setting sun and the gathering dusk. If I'd lost one of my mother's belongings because of a stupid mistake, I'd be repeating a day from exactly nine years ago, one much like today, and I couldn't let that happen again, couldn't-
I tear down Fissid's streets, chasing my friend. The village's square looms ahead of us, and I skid to a stop beside its well.
Mama shouts something behind me, but I'm not ready to listen yet. My friend is climbing on top of the well's roof, sticking his tongue out at me. Does he think he can escape up there? Oo, I'll prove him wrong!
I balance on the lip of the well, reach for the roof's edge, and start pulling myself onto it. As I dangle from it, a hand grabs my leg, and that knocks me off balance. I lose my grip. The hold on my ankle lasts long enough for my chin to hit the well's wall. Stars come with me into its depths.
Shaking my head, I shoved the memory aside. What good would it do me now?
Besides, the last of the day's light was reflecting off of something ahead, and as I approached it, I sharply let out a breath, much as if I'd been punched. My mother's bow was tangled in a nearby bush's branches, and I rushed to retrieve it.
As I finagled it clear of clinging leaves and branches, I cocked my head. When I'd begun working the bow free, a noise—initially soft—had started, but with every second I'd spent here, it had increased in volume, a gong reverberating in y head until its resonance had became painful. It shivered and vibrated, resounding along every bone in my body, and I didn't... I couldn't...
What was that ringing?
Absently ripping my prize free of the bush, I wandered toward the noise, barely noticing the forest growing dark around me.
What could this be? An echo bounced in my head, setting my teeth buzzing. A hum dug into my essence, refusing to retreat.
A part of me realized that I should avoid this anomaly. Anything strange or out of the ordinary usually held grave portents for whoever stumbled across it, but I couldn't stop my feet. A compulsion pulled me along like a fish on a line, but I couldn't thrash against it. It held me too firmly.
When I stepped into a clearing much like any other, I made a face as the ringing noise stuck needles through my eyes. Still, I scanned this place, one that was so loud and yet silent, motionless and yet chaotic.
For light was jittering across the clearing, illuminating the bushes and trees with sporadic rays. I squinted, trying to pierce through this miasma, and to my surprise, it dimmed, present but not as blinding. Through it, I found the light's source.
A sword was lying on the forest floor. If not for the mind-numbing display around it, I might have discounted it as a soldier's weapon, if slightly more well-crafted. As they did with the surrounding clearing, glowing tendrils were shooting down the blade, forking like lightning, and beneath them, I might have seen engravings of some sort, but with what was blazing against my eyes, I couldn't say for sure.
The compulsion that had dragged me to this clearing tugged at me once more, but I dug my heels in. This light show? That sword? My mind screamed at the sight of them, and I always listened to my instincts.
"Nope," I breathed.
With difficulty, I spun in place, marching in the opposite direction.
Chapter 2: Awakening
Rhylix
If you're reading this, please know that I never hated you.
Considering the life I'd led, today should have felt like any other.
As usual, a Zrelnach warrior was berating me with her reddening face accenting her gray eyes. The light of the late afternoon sun blended her hair's brown tinge with its blonde hue, and I followed that stippled sunlight across my clinic to its entrance. There, a slightly bulkier Zrelnach was trying to keep a surreptitious watch on the proceedings, and he might have succeeded if the target of his monitoring hadn't been me. Further down the hall, someone was approaching, but I couldn't make out their features yet.
In some ways, I hoped they were bringing me a Council summons. Anything to get out of this situation. In other ways, I desperately hoped they weren't because despite the day's normal events and the dull humdrum around me, I was distracted.
It had started this morning. Halfway through breakfast, something had shifted in the world, a wrench in reality that had rippled from its origin, and ever since, a nagging irritant had nipped at the back of my mind.
A pull. A draw. A call of like to like.
And if past experience was anything to go by, this would only get stronger.
Even now, I couldn't ignore it. My gaze drifted away from the angry woman in front of me to a hole carved into the stone around us. Peering through the ivy covering it, I tried to cross the distance to this distraction's source, zooming however far I must so I could find the person who'd started it.
"Come," I would whisper. "Free me and let's begin."
But I didn't know if this shift in the world was what I thought it was. I needed to find a private corner so I could consult with-
The woman tangled her fingers in my tunic, jerking me away from my lean against the wall.
"Are you listening to me?" she shrieked through her teeth.
Blinking, I returned to present circumstances. Whatever I was feeling, I had to ignore it for now. I couldn't exactly do anything about it yet.
Glancing at the woman's hands, I lifted my eyes to her.
"Let me go," I said.
As if remembering herself, the woman stepped back, wiping her hands on her legs. She refused to meet my eyes, and I restrained an eyeroll.
"Did you finish the tonic I gave you?" I asked.
When she flushed, I pulled my hands out of my pockets, palming the remedy I'd been fiddling with since she'd stepped into my clinic.
"So, you were listening?" she asked.
"I heard every word. Your symptoms from last week have returned, which I find surprising considering you could hardly stand at the time."
Pausing, I dubiously ran my eyes over her while she flushed again.
"But no matter! We must always have the soldiers who protect us in tip-top shape."
I handed off the tonic, and lifting it to eye level, the woman stared at its contained liquid.
"Three sips a day until the bottle's empty this time," I said.
Meeting my eyes, the woman sputtered, "How did you...?"
"I had it on hand," I said.
A previously indistinguishable form stepped over the clinic's threshold, revealing the trainee uniform hanging from him, and I thanked my lucky stars for an escape from this conversation. It had grown tiresome.
"It appears the Council has need of me," I said. "If you have any other problems, please come see me again."
I breezed past the woman as a squeak escaped from her, and my lips twitched. How curious that such small pleasures still affected me, shining light into the dark, empty shell of my heart.
As the trainee and I passed the man who's been watching the confrontation, I avoided looking at him, just as I pretended that I didn't hear him padding along behind us. I shouldn't reveal that the spy had been spied. Instead, I focused on the boy in front of me.
"Do I get a clue about what they want?" i asked.
"Sorry. I can't tell you if I don't know myself," the trainee said before throwing a grin over his shoulder. "I heard a trading party returned a half mark ago. Maybe it has something to do with that."
Gods, I hoped not. Allanovian didn't need another of those trips to go wrong. The city's food stores were running low as it was.
"I'm Dath, by the way," the trainee said. "Figured I should introduce myself. If I pass my trials, we'll probably see each other plenty."
Maybe we would. Or maybe after that shift in the world...
Jerking my mind away from such thoughts, I shook my head.
"Don't get close to me, trainee," I said. "Nothing good ever comes of it."
Glancing back, Dath shrugged.
"Whatever you say."
The trainee led me across the breadth of Allanovian, strolling passed scooped-out homes and natural caverns aplenty, until we reached the clinics reserved for the average citizens. Absently nodding, I thanked Dath before striding inside, rolling up my sleeves.
I hurried toward a clump of people, huddled around two cots. On one, a Zrelnach warrior was lying, still as death. A blood-soaked bandage covered the stump of his arm, and sweat had plastered his hair to his forehead. Beside another cot, three healers were fighting to keep a trainee from thrashing out of bed.
"What happened?" I said.
"Typical trading run gone to hell," one healer gasped. "We think the humans' weapons were poisoned, considering-"
The trainee jerked upright, silencing the healer, and he slammed her back into the cot.
"You see what I mean?" he asked.
Unfortunately, I did. The Council had given me a test today.
"I'll need a needle, gut string, alcohol, and a scalpel for now," I said. "Let me know when the girl's restrained."
Kneeling beside the man, I peeled away layers of rust-stained cloth. Before I could fully expose the wound, someone offered me a tray, covered with my requested tools, and when I viewed massacred flesh and muscle, I winced. Even well knowing the answer to my question, I couldn't help but wonder how something this awful had happened.
Gods, it would be so simple to Let Go, removing uncertainty from both the man and the girl's futures...
But no. Never again. Treating a wound like this was easy. I just needed to take it step by step.
Step One: Soak the exposed innards with alcohol to fight infection.
Liquid had saturated the cot's flimsy sheets before I was finished with the bottle.
Step Two: Remove necrotic tissue.
I should've asked for a bucket. Whoever cleaned this clinic would have a hell of a time with scrubbing its floors today.
Step Three: Suture the wound closed.
This was the only part of the healing process that I took pride in. My sutures were the envy of Allanovian's many healers.
Step Four: Hope for the best.
"Wrap him in blankets for the chill. If he wakes up, give him plenty of water. After so much blood loss, he'll need to replenish his fluids," I said. "Can you cover the wound for me?"
The assistant crouching opposite me had already pulled a roll of gauze off of our tray in answer.
Scrubbing my hands on my thighs, I spun to the trainee at my back. Halfway through my treatment of her superior, she'd stopped making noises, and on examining her, I could see why.
Thin, leather straps were holding her to the cot, and beneath them, she feebly thrashed with glazed eyes and a near-silent mumble on her lips. How long had she been lying like this?
Snapping my head up, I said, "I wanted to know when you'd restrained her!"
"You seemed busy with Gistrick," one healer said. "We didn't want to interrupt you."
"And why would you think that he needed me more than she does?" I snarled. "Do you know what poison caused this girl's symptoms or how long it takes to kill someone?"
When the grouped healers stepped back, I cut myself off, taking a slow breath. Anger had no place in a clinic like this.
"It doesn't matter," I said under my breath.
Because the girl probably wouldn't survive now, not that I'd let her fade away without a fight.
Shifting to the head of the cot, I extended a hand, certain I'd brought the antidote I needed with me. It was lying in my empty palm. I knew it was.
When glass touched my skin, I closed my fingers around the antidote's bottle before ripping its stopper off. Holding the girl's head in the crook of my elbow, I poured its contents into her mouth, fighting through a wave of exhaustion.
She didn't like that, but of course she wouldn't. Violently jerking, she tried to escape from my grip, but I held firm until sickening coughs started bursting from her. Then, I tilted her head to the side so vomit could leak from between her lips. Once her heaving had finished, I swiped her mouth out to ensure her airway was clear before standing and gesturing to the wounded.
"They're all yours," I said.
As I marched toward the clinic's exit, its healers descended on their patients. Now that the bulk of the work was done, they'd treat minor injuries before monitoring the Zrelnach warrior and his trainee.
Dath was waiting for me outside, shifting in place. He seemed... worried, which was strange. Did he know one of my patients?
"You didn't have to stay," I said. "I can find my own way back."
And I didn't need another set of eyes on me.
"Oh. Um," Dath stuttered. "No. I heard... That's not why I..."
He flicked his eyes over my shoulder, swallowing hard.
"I hoped you might tell me how they are," he said.
Oh, hell. The kid did know one of them. But which? And what should I say? Should I tell Dath the grim truth or give him empty platitudes?
An easy enough question to answer. Before long, the kid would know what had happened, one way or the other.
"Your superior, Gistrick, has a good chance of making it. If he does, he'll have a long road to recovery ahead of him, but he should serve Allanovian once more," I said. "Unfortunately, the prognosis for your fellow trainee isn't as good. I did what I could for her, but her poisoning had progressed significantly before I could treat her. I don't know if I administered the antidote in time. I'm sorry."
Clapping his hand to his mouth, Dath stumbled into the tunnel's wall, and I took his elbow before he could sink to the floor. After a quick scan, I found my observer, subsequently placing my body between him and Dath, and just in time too. Tears drizzled over the kid's cheeks while he muffled quiet sobs with his palm.
"Lyli," he gasped.
Gods damnit.
"You're together?" i asked.
After a quick nod from the kid, I found myself bearing more of his weight. Dath slowly peeled his hand off of his face.
"Will you report me?" he hiccupped. "Relationships between trainees are forbidden."
I should follow his suggestion. I really should. Doing otherwise could cause me headaches.
But I looked at this trainee, and my empty heart stirred. That didn't happen often, and even if I'd learned long ago that indulging the broken thing would only hurt me, I couldn't help doing it anyway.
"No one should be punished for who they love," I said.
Dath jerked his body toward me, and I shrugged.
"It's true," I said. "Now, dry your eyes and come with me. We'll raise a glass to Lyli's health, and you can tell me about her."
After scrubbing his face, Dath stepped away from the wall's support, and I gestured for him to lead the way. The boy headed toward the Zrelnach's common room, silent until we stood outside of the cavern. Turning on me, he lifted brimming eyes to mine.
"You said that I shouldn't get close to you," he said. "If that's what you want, why are you helping me?"
What a good question, one that I didn't know how to answer. It truly was best if Dath kept his distance. Nothing good came to those I cared for.
Not only that but if I continued down this path, I'd soon enter the safe haven of Allanovian's armed forces, somewhere I wasn't typically welcomed, and I'd do it while distraction was plaguing me. If I were smart, I'd abandon Dath here, seek a quiet corner, and consult with my ever-present nuisance about what this drag on my focus meant.
Instead, I laid a hand on the kid's shoulder.
"I couldn't stand to watch you suffer," I said.
And Dan sniffled while a chuckle brought light to his eyes. And my shell of a heart filled the slightest amount.
Several hours later, I escorted a stumbling, incoherent trainee to his quarters before wandering toward my own. My overly persistent observer followed me, so I playacted a weaving trudge until I entered my clinic. Only then did he leave me alone for the night.
Huffing at his diligence, I started stripping my clothes off, wrinkling my nose at their blood and ale-soaked state. I'd gotten my tunic over my head when a brilliant bolt streaked by my shoulder, dissipating when it hit the wall. Stiffening, I spun on its source.
Sitting on my cot was a figure wearing a visage as familiar to me as my own. Draped in white, it leaned on its knees, rubbing its hands together as it stared at me.
I turned aside, carefully folding my tunic before laying it on my desk.
Grazing my fingers on its stone surface, I asked, "Am I right?"
"When are you not?" the figure said. "Yes. Your ally has been chosen."
A slow smile spread across my face. The seeds of excitement, long scattered in the wind, had been sown.
Chapter 3: A Celebration
Raimie
When an invisible and impossible force stopped pulling me backward, I oriented to where I was.
What the hell had that been? As I jogged home in starlight, I tried to piece the phenomenon that I'd witnessed into my limited understanding of the world, and it fit nowhere. Light spawned from nothing and a sword in the middle of a forest? Those sounded like story elements pulled from a fairy tale.
Magic. It had reminded me of magic, but that was impossible in modern times. The Esela, Alouin's chosen, had vanished long ago, and any other magical phenomena—the legendary primeancers included—were a myth. They had to be.
So, what had that been?
Without more information, I was at a loss, and I did not like mysteries. Maybe Eledis' store of books would hold an answer, both for this puzzle and my earlier Auden conundrum. I'd look into it and solve the puzzle because that was what I did. I couldn't let it lie.
I couldn't decide whether having two anomalies visit me in one day was a blessing or a curse. I welcomed their distraction from what today represented, but at the same time, dealing with these irritations alongside what was waiting for me at home seemed... irksome.
At least the rain had stopped.
As I approached home, a cracking twig froze me solid. Had I run across one of the predators that stalked these woods? One of Queen Kaedesa's rare patrols?
The sight of torchlight had me lowering my bow, if not my focus. If this was a patrol, I shouldn't have anything to worry about, but it paid to be prepared. Considering how dark it had gotten...
Well. Many dangerous things came out after the sun went down.
As I trod forward on silent feet, however, I recognized the voice muttering ahead of me.
"Eledis!" I called.
Firelight flickered across the foliage while I stepped into my grandfather's field of view, and seeing me, Eledis slumped before shaking his head.
"There you are!" he said. "We've been worried sick."
Of course they had been. I shouldn't have stayed out past sunset.
"Sorry. I lost track of time," I said. "Where's dad?"
"Waiting for us back home. Someone had to stay put in case you showed your face," Eledis said. "Alouin, Raimie! You can't scare us like that."
Wincing, I patted at the air.
"Like I said, I'm sorry. If it helps, it won't happen again. I meant to head home earlier. Fell asleep instead."
Again, Eledis shook his head at me.
"I suppose it couldn't have been helped. You've always been fiercely independent," he said. "Well? Let's get back before your father keels over."
He turned to lead the way, but I paused. Wouldn't it be better, if possible, to keep my father out of my quest for answers?
"Here. Before I forget," I said.
Extending my borrowed book to him, I waited for Eledis to take it before saying.
"I found something interesting while reading it. Mentions of a place I've never heard before. Auden, is what the author called it. Do you have any other books about it?"
Eledis wordlessly stared at me, as if judging how serious I was. I wasn't sure why he'd gotten so intense over a single, seemingly innocent question, but I withstood his silence regardless.
Once his decision was made, he said, "I have one. I'll get it for you on our way back."
That had gone more easily that I'd expected. Usually, my grandfather held secrets—which based on his behavior, this clearly was—close to heart.
"Thanks," I said.
Nodding, Eledis once more moved to lead the way out of the forest, but I didn't stop him this time. In silence, we hiked through the wood's confines until light beckoned us from its embrace.
The small homestead that I called home opened up before us: cottage, hut, smoking house, and a garden plot. Rather than the release of tension that the sight usually wrought, however, a clenching hand took hold of my throat, closing it.
I trudged behind Eledis to where he kept his store of knowledge, waiting while he ducked inside. When he returned, he withheld his retrieved book.
"You can't tell your father about this," he said.
An easy enough promise to make. When I nodded, Eledis handed the book over, and the two of us made for the homestead's second house. My grandfather threw its doors open, but I didn't follow him. I didn't want what was waiting in there.
But today marked the day that my mother had died because of me. No matter what else it might be, I owed my father a show of gratitude for whatever he'd provided this year. It was the smallest gesture I could offer to make up for what I'd done.
Plastering a smile in place, I walked into warmth and light and love.
"Happy name day!" my father and Eledis exclaimed as I came inside.
Unclasping my sodden cloak, I glanced over the contents of the cottage's table. Fresh meat, a nice change of pace from the dried strips we typically ate. A jug of my father's favorite brandy, hidden except for at the best and worst of times.
And a small cake.
Spreading my cloak to dry, I said, "I'm guessing that came from Fissid. Who should I thank the next time we visit?"
"Mistress Ytrella. She told me to say hello," Eledis said. "Sit down, Raimie! We have that wretched song to sing."
"Hey!" my father snapped. "Samantha loved that..."
I hid my smile as those two bickered, letting that bit of normalcy offset the sickness roiling in my guts, but when I sat at the table, my family fell silent. Soon enough, though, they launched into my mother's traditional name day song.
"Happy birthday to you..."
Listening to their discordant noise, I struggled to maintain my smile. This melody seemed wrong without my mother's voice to balance their toneless droning.
Once it was over, my father set a candle in front of me.
"Make a wish," he said.
I'd never understood this tradition. Why should I wish for something when magic could no longer fulfill it?
My mother, however, had insisted on the practice every year, and after what had happened in the woods earlier, I didn't know whether I could dismiss the superstition behind it as easily as I had before. So, as I gazed into the flickering flame's depths, I considered what I wanted.
What did I desire above all else?
Once I'd posed the question to myself, the answer came easily. Leaning forward, I blew out the candle, and my family clapped.
"What did you wish for?" my father asked.
With a smile, I said, "I can't share, not if I want it to come true. Remember?'
Making a face, my father waved at the meal arranged in front of us.
"Fine. Keep your secrets," he said. "Now, let's celebrate!"
As the evening progressed, my efforts to maintain a pleasant demeanor got easier. The room's focus shifted away from me, and as we shared this meal, I could almost dismiss an underlying conviction that this commemoration of me dishonored the memory of my murdered mother.
As the meal drew to a close, leaving my father and Eledis slightly drunk, I asked a question that had been rattling in me since the woods.
"I have a puzzle for you," I said.
After I'd spent so long in self-imposed silence, my break from it snapped my family's attention back to me.
"Say you stumbled onto something amazing," I continued. "Something that you both wanted and feared. Something that might change your life, for good or ill, but that called to you so fiercely that you couldn't deny it."
I could still hear that damn ringing.
"Would you take the chance offered to you?"
Eledis and my father exchanged glances, and even drunk as they were, I could see a silent conversation taking place between them.
"That's a good question. Let me think on it," Eledis eventually said. "Meanwhile, it's past time I got some rest."
After rising from the table, he stopped beside me, bending to clasp my shoulder.
"Read what I gave you," he whispered.
He was out the door before I could stop him. What did the book he'd given me have to do with my question?
Left alone with my father, I faced his inscrutable gaze, internally wincing. That expression usually meant I'd done something I shouldn't have.
"In this proposed scenario, are you unhappy before getting this offer?" my father asked.
What a good question. Most of the time, I had no complaints about my life. I liked the solitude found so far from civilization, broken only by familial communion. I liked the day in, day out routine I'd found here. I liked its lack of surprises.
But that did nothing to negate the engrained sense of wrong that had ever hovered over me. Something had always been missing from my life, but I didn't know what it was. Something essential to me.
I couldn't, however, tell my father about that, not again.
"I'm satisfied with my life," I said.
"Then, why would you change it?" my father asked.
He gathered several dirty dishes from the table before inclining his head toward the rest.
"Help me clean up?"
As I washed dishes beside my father, my thoughts never stopped turning to a miraculous sword in the forest or to the book in my cloak's pocket, and once we'd finished cleaning up, my father pulled me to his chest.
"Thank you for putting up with us. I know how much you hate your name day," he said into my hair. "Your mother would be proud."
My father released me, and I watched him get ready for bed with a grimace barely held in check. After what he'd said, I'd never avoid nightmares tonight.
Chapter 4: Mistakes
Raimie
Huddled on the floor beside a candle, I glanced through Eledis' gifted book with a blanket draped over my shoulders.
So far, I didn't understand why my grandfather had wanted me to read this. The book most definitely discussed the subject I'd asked about. I now knew a wealth of Audish fold tales as well as a good swath of its ancient history, although I had yet to find anything from the last four hundred years, but nothing here explained my recognition of the kingdom's name.
At some point in the past, I must have known it. The familiarity that panged through me when I read the word had yet to dissipate, but I had no clue how I knew it. I'd spent most of the night running through my memories of read books, but after a few repeats of this, I'd given up.
I hadn't read about Auden, and if that was so, I despaired of solving this mystery on my own. My retention of anything but the written word could be abysmal at times, which meant that if I truly wanted this puzzle solved, I'd need to speak with Eledis or my father about it. Was finding answers worth troubling them with this?
And then, there was Eledis' suggestion after I'd asked about the sword in the forest.
Well. After I'd asked for advice about the opportunity it might present. I had no way of knowing for sure, but I thought he'd understood what the true subject of my question had been, although how he'd known...
Sighing, I rubbed my eyes. I should just finish the damn book. It would answer my questions or it wouldn't, and at the moment, I had nothing better to do. What else was there for me this late at night? Sleep?
With a chuckle, I flipped to the next chapter, and its title prompted a quiet groan.
The Legend of Shadowsteal
For a warrior nation like Auden, it should come as no surprise that the most sacred relic of its people was a sword.
With my breath catching, I scanned that line again. Was this the tale Eledis has wanted me to read?
No one knows how Shadowsteal came into the hands of the Audish royal family. It was the favored weapon of the Eselan Preserver, when he still walked among us, and rumors say that its origin lies at the feet of Alouin himself, but no record exists of the fall of a god-forged sword into mortals' hands.
What we know is that over the years, the sword became instrumental in Auden's never-ending struggle against dark primeancers. For generations, the kingdom's leader wielded the weapon, and not once did it leave their possession until the time of Auden's last king.
The rise of Doldimar saw the dismantling of the Audish royal family. Through a series of missteps, the last king ceded his kingdom to this man, someone who has many people lauding him as a Dark Lord. If one believes the stories told by Audish refugees, the title seems warranted. Even without it, however, his unprecedentedly long life explains some of the fear attributed to him.
After Doldimar's conquest, the Audish royal family disappeared, and their famed sword hasn't been seen in the three hundred years since. Some theorize that Auden's new ruler stamped out all traces of that family and their famed weapon, but others wonder if perhaps the time of Shadowsteal's foretellings has come (for a list of these, see the index). As the years have passed, still others believe the sword never existed, discounting it as a fairy tale instead.
Whatever the case may be, Shadowsteal remains an important piece of Audish history, one that any reputable text that discusses the subject must share.
Licking my lips, I lifted trembling fingers and paged toward the back of the book.
As I'd been reading the chapter, something foreign had taken hold of me. I'd followed each of its lines at my normal reading pace, but my brain and tongue had skipped a few words ahead. I hadn't known what would come next in the tale, but something had, and it had seized control while a deep familiarity had taken root in the heart of me.
It made me want to throw the book across the room, and yet, I opened it to the index, finding the foretellings mentioned in what I'd read, and without permission, my feverish eyes landed on the first.
Found by one, the master of-
"Couldn't sleep?"
Jumping, I snapped the book closed, reaching for... what exactly?
"The story must have been good if you didn't hear me coming," my father said. "Usually, you're more aware of your surroundings than that."
As if moving through mud, I forced my thoughts away from the closed book, focusing on my father. He was looking down at me with his hands on his hips and a slight frown his only sign of concern.
"It is," I said.
After lifting the book, I slid it between my back and the wall.
"And no," I continued, "I couldn't."
Sighing, my father moved toward me, and I scooted to the side, giving him room. Once he was settled, he banged his head against the wall.
"Was it another nightmare?" he asked.
When I nodded, my father rubbed his face.
"They've been coming more frequently in the last month," he said.
"They come and go in waves, dad," I said. "You know that."
"That doesn't stop me from worrying when I wake up in the middle of the night to find my son, reading by candlelight," my father said.
I ducked my head, hunching on myself.
"Sorry," I whispered.
Waving a hand, my father said, "Don't be. It's not your fault. I only wish I could help."
Pursing my lips, I glanced at him. He couldn't do that. The only one who could ever help with the nightmares had been my mother, and she... wasn't here anymore.
But I was exhausted, and my father was staring at his hands with such dejection...
Fixing my eyes on the other side of the cottage, I slid down the wall until my head was resting in my father's lap. With my face burning, I pulled my blanket under my chin and cleared my throat.
"Tell me a story," I said. "Like mom used to."
My father went still with his leg tensing under my head, and almost, I shot to my feet so I could throw myself into bed, but after a moment, he relaxed, brushing his fingers through my hair.
"Fairy tale or horror story?" he asked.
Snorting, I said, "I'm trying to sleep, dad."
"Fairy tale it is, then," my father said. "Once upon a time, there was a woman from another world-"
It took a while, but gradually, my muscles loosened. I listened as my father told a story that I'd heard a million times before, and halfway between a 'loved her son' and a 'very much', I tumbled into sleep. For the first time in weeks, no dreams plagued me.
When I woke up, I was still lying on the floor with my father's snores vibrating through my makeshift pillow. Gently, I pulled free, draping my blanket over him before retrieving Eledis' book. Grabbing my cloak, I threw it over yesterday's clothes, stored the book in my mother's bag, and slipped out the door.
Tracing yesterday's path came easily to me. I knew the location of my family's hunting blind intimately, and every step taken from there was etched into my mind while the ringing from last night clearly led the way.
Still, I stumbled upon the clearing. I'd expected to find the same display as before, letting wanton light warn me of when I was approaching it, but that didn't happen. The clearing looked... normal—sunlight shining into its open expanse and all—albeit with a sheathed sword in it.
Last night's piercing light might have gone, but the compulsion remained, stronger than before. I'd stopped on the clearing's edge, but with an invisible chain dragging on me, I couldn't help but step forward.
"I shouldn't be here," I said.
Another step. Then, why are you?
"I'm happy with my life."
One step more. Are you really?
"Just because I'm missing something doesn't mean I should court danger!"
My steps faltered, and the pull on me lessened, enough for me to flop to the ground. Panting, I dropped back on my elbows. Why did I feel as if I'd run home from Fissid?
After a moment, I straightened, withdrawing Eledis' book. After making a cave of my body, I dried my hands before reaching into the bag. Manipulating the book while my mother's 'plastic' coated it wasn't the most enjoyable process, but soon enough, I was peering through bubbled raindrops at the page where I'd been interrupted last night.
Swallowing, I glanced at the sword lying within my reach. If i meant to touch that thing and get it away from a place where an unfortunate person might chance upon it, I'd learn everything I could about it beforehand.
So. What were these foretellings?
Found by one, the master of three
Agent of hope to rise across the sea
Come to us, you who shall set us free
Hear our pain, our fear, our plea
Pressing my hand over my mouth, I chuckled into it. I'd always found the idea of foretellings silly. This nonsense before me was one reason why I did. What help was a poorly crafted, nonsensical poem to anyone?
Still, I moved on to the next.
A god's heir brings the sword of light to a home-not-home. Oh, how he soars. Oh, how he falls. Oh, the torments he will suffer.
That one was... less funny. With a shiver, I shook it off, turning to the last two.
Leaving chaos and order in his wake, Shadowsteal's rightful bearer shall destroy destruction's epitome, returning our land to peace and prosperity.
And.
He will be the Balancer. Let all lurking behind the veil tremble. He will be your end.
Well, then.
Shaking, I returned the book to my cloak before turning to the sword.
What should I do? I couldn't know for sure if this was Shadowsteal. All I had were my suspicions, after all. No hard proof.
But it could be and if it was...
Should I risk taking it, given what I'd read? Thinking that drivel was about me seemed arrogant, yes, but looking at this, something potentially life changing, from every angle seemed wise.
I should leave it here, go home, and forget it existed. I really should.
But.
If I did that, someone else might come across it during on e of its light shows. Someone else might pick up the sword without thinking it through.
And while the compulsion toward the sword had stopped, fading while I'd been reading, something at the core of who I was urged me to act recklessly for once. My hands twitched, waiting for steel to fill them.
This didn't feel like it would ease the piece that was missing from me. No, that seemed separate, but even still, I wanted this, even as my brain screamed no.
Plus, maybe it would stop the damn ringing in my head.
"To hell with it," I said.
Rocking to my feet, I strode to the blade. A hand and a half sword, it appeared every bit as plain as I remembered, but as I'd thought, it was well crafted. The scabbard matched the simplicity of the blade's hilt with an attached belt woven around blackened leather.
Taking a deep breath, I wrapped my hand in my cloak's sleeve before bending to retrieve the weapon. As I came close to it, however, I ran into resistance, a gentle rebuff, but something like that couldn't happen in empty air.
Right?
I paused before trying again. Nothing stopped my hand this time. Had I imagined that sense of resistance?
I curled my cloth-wrapped fingers around the scabbard, and... nothing happened.
Releasing a breath, I straightened, and what had initially rejected me decided it wanted to keep the sword. The force of the weapon's mid-air stop jerked me forward, and I teetered for a moment before toppling to the ground, knocking the breath out of me.
"That was embarrassing," I gasped into the dirt.
Wincing, I lifted my head, bracing to stand, and my palm cupped leather.
And it felt right.
Even still, I shot my gaze to my hand, and finding the sword's grip in it, my stomach dropped. A bead of light, much like what I'd seen last night, formed at the scabbard's tip before zipping up it. In a flash, it crossed to my arm, speeding toward my head, and everywhere it went, my muscles relaxed. By the time it reached my face, I could only lazily blink as the bead crawled out of view.
Light burst above my head, and for a moment, the ringing in my head was silence, replaced by a steady beat. For a moment, the world presented itself to me in varying degrees of illumination. For a moment, peace reigned supreme in me.
Then, terror shoved it aside. I snatched my hand to my chest, scrambling across the clearing. With my shoulders heaving, I tried to wrench my eyes away from the damn sword, but they wouldn't budge.
What had that been? It had been... had been...
Shooting to my feet, I had every intention of fleeing from the clearing, but instead, cautious steps took me to the sword once more. Why? Why would I do this?
"I can't leave it here," I said.
So, once again, I reached for the weapon, even as my mind shouted FUCK no! Once again, I lifted the sword, but nothing stopped my rise this time.
Through a fog, I watched myself unwind the belt and clasp it around my waist. The sword settled on my hip and...
This was how I was always meant to be.
And I hated it.
I finally let myself run home, working out what I'd do once I arrived. I absolutely must include my father and Eledis in this now. Maybe they'd know how to keep something like this out of-
A flash of motion caught my eye, and I stopped with my hunting knife, ever on me, drawn.
"Who's there?" I asked.
Another streak of shadow spun me around, but... there'd been no sound. What moved without making a noise?
Deep within the trees, two figures appeared from thin air, but while their forms seemed human in nature, they looked nothing like one. A brilliant being of white light stood beside another of black penumbra. They lifted their hands, as if to wave, and spinning, I took off.
"No. Hell no. Fuck. No, no, no!"
A string of denials and curses trailed me home while flashes of motion on my vision's periphery pushed me ever faster. When I burst out of the trees, I whirled on the forest, waiting for something horrible to emerge, but nothing did.
The faint buzz that had been blocking my ears faded, and I heard my family murmuring behind me. Safe.
Folding over, I leaned on my knees, gulping air. When my heart stopped beating in my ears, I trotted toward my family, pointing behind me.
"There was-"
What exactly had I seen?
"Something was following me!" I gasped.
But they weren't listening to me. Eledis and my father looked at me with voracious stares, or maybe they were doing that for what was hanging at my side. Had they not heard me?
"The ringing," my father said. "It got louder as he came closer. Please, tell me I'm wrong."
They weren't listening. Whatever those figures had been, they might appear at any moment, and we needed to-
Eledis strode to meet me, but no calming words came from him. Instead, he tangled one finger in my tunic, lifting me off of the ground until my toes barely touched it.
"What are you-?"
As I clawed at Eledis' grip, trying to kick him, my grandfather somehow whipped the sword at my side out of its scabbard. Releasing his hold, he retreated a step before laying the blade across his open palms.
Almost, I tackled Eledis despite the sharp edge between us, but what the sword's scabbard had been hiding stopped me short. Script in unrecognizable symbols flowed over the blade, and on a cursory inspection, the appeared etched into its steel. If one looked closely enough, though, one could see that nothing had indented the metal. The words simply brushed over the weapon's surface.
Now, that was more like what I'd expected from a mythical sword.
"Shadowsteal," Eledis said, as if to confirm my suspicions.
"It can't be," my father said. "It's been years, centuries. It can't be Raimie. Anyone but him!"
After casting a horrified look at me, he stormed into the cottage with its door slamming behind him. Eledis had yet to take his eyes off of the sword, and while still concerned about the phenomena I'd left in the woods, I set that aside in the wake of my grandfather attacking me.
Swathing a finger in cloth, I placed it on the blade, pushing it down.
When my grandfather looked at me, I hissed, "What. the. hell?"
"Did you read what I gave you?" Eledis blithely asked.
I couldn't say why he thought I had any obligation to answer his questions, but I nodded anyway.
"Then, you know what this is."
Eledis held the sword to the side, and again, I nodded.
"Good."
My grandfather slapped the sword's hilt to my chest.
"This is yours," he said. "Welcome to your new life, Raimie from the line of Audish kings."
Eledis twirled toward the cottage, striding to enter it, and something thumped to the ground in his wake. Stunned, I could only gape at my home's door with a sword of legend lying at my feet.
Chapter 5: A Push Out the Door
Rhylix
You weren't to blame for our conflict.
The rare times when Allanovian's Council let me step outside of the city, giving me a taste of fresh air, came as a welcome relief from my regulated life. I enjoyed escaping the weight of a mountain pressing down on me, figuratively and literally. I enjoyed my brief splashes of freedom, no matter how false they might be.
I'd hoped to take advantage of this outing to slip free of my observers, racing toward what was drawing me toward it like a bee to a flower's pollen, but with who'd accompanied me today, I couldn't try it.
Besides, for once, the attraction pulling on me was moving my way. Maybe I wouldn't have to give chase this time.
"You keep looking toward the north. Is something wrong?"
Shaking my head, I said, "I'm distracted is all."
I turned to my companion, wincing to find her looking down her nose at me.
"Since when do you get distracted?" she asked.
Huffing a sigh, I considered how best to answer this woman.
Ferin. The only person in Allanovian who'd wormed her way past my defenses. The only one I might call a friend, if I allowed myself such attachments.
Also, a member of Allanovian's Council and the commander of the Zrelnach.
"Everyone has bad days," I said. "Mine happens to be today."
Ferin tossed her head so that the purple accents in her hair stood out against their blonde background.
"Do you expect me to believe that?" she asked. "Rhylix, top of his class, whose trainers swore held back when sparring with them, the one man I've met who won't let me sneak up on him, is having such an off day that distraction has claimed him? That sounds like the setup for a bad joke."
"And yet, that's what's happened," I said.
Restraining a wince, I moved away from what was whispering for me to go, focusing on the forest instead. Focusing on my task.
I'd told the Council that I was running low on the herbs that were essential for my craft, and so, they'd sent me to gather them. Finding the damn things might have been more frustrating if not for the fact that it forced me to leave Allanovian. That liberation was the only reason I hadn't cultivated a garden patch near the city.
As far as today's task had gone, I technically had everything I needed in the pouch at my waist, but I wasn't ready to return to my unspoken imprisonment.
Speaking of which.
"Why did you come with me today, Ferin?" I asked. "You have plenty of subordinates who'd have done it."
"I can't enjoy an afternoon with my friend?" Ferin asked.
Raising an eyebrow, I glanced over my shoulder at her, and she threw her head back, spreading her arms wide.
"Fine, you caught me," she said. "I needed a break from Council business."
That was more what I'd expected.
"Food problems?" I asked.
"Amon other things," Ferin said.
She was quiet for a moment, leaving the silence between us heavy, before breaking it again.
"The trainee you treated died."
"I know," I said.
I'd checked Lyli's status as soon as I'd woken up this morning.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sure you did your best, so don't agonize over it," Ferin said. "Her death has caused some problems in this year's crop or trainees, though, and-"
She clicked her tongue before her grip on my shoulder spun me toward her.
"I came out here to escape my problems, not revisit them," she said.
"Again, I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to cause you trouble."
"You didn't."
With her hand still on my shoulder, Ferin chewed on her lip, and I silently begged her not to say what was on her mind. My hopes, of course, only existed to be dashed.
"Are you sure you won't indulge me?" Ferin asked. "No one's watching us, Rhy."
She waved at the empty forest, leaning toward me in invitation.
My love, whispered a ghost, long dead.
When I placed my hand on her arm, it stopped our lips from touching.
"Again, you honor me," I said, "but again, I must decline. I won't sully your reputation, Councilwoman, even if it seems like no one's watching us."
Pursing her lips, Ferin said, "You're too honorable for your own good, Rhy."
Honor wasn't what had stopped me from accepting her offer, but if that was what she chose to believe, I wouldn't stop her. I shrugged instead.
"I'm only doing what I must," I said, quickly changing the subject. "I have the herbs I need. Shall we get back home?"
"I suppose," Ferin sighed.
As we made our way back to the waterfall that hid Allanovian from the world, she maintained her pout, but once we'd entered the city, it vanished. She flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"I love you no matter how you choose to classify our relationship," she whispered in my ear. "If you just want friendship, I'm happy to provide it. I'm sorry that I press you for more than you can give."
And here we were again, at the start of the rotation that our association always took. I didn't mind it. Most of the time, Ferin provided me with support and companionship. Knowing that she wanted more had never bothered me.
Patting her back, I said, "It's ok, Ferin. Nothing you did hurt me, but we both have tasks to finish, yes? You throughout Allanovian and me in my clinic. Care to escort me home, or can I do that alone?"
Pulling away from me, Ferin said, "I trust you not to do something stupid."
She quirked her lips into a smile, and I returned it, as expected.
After we'd parted, I hurried to my clinic. I needed to collect my belongings, abandoned when Ferin had retrieved me this morning, before I could leave. The source of my distraction might be coming toward me, but I'd rather make this meeting go as smoothly as-
A figure draped in white stepped out from behind a corner, and I jumped, so accustomed had I become to its absence.
"The enemy is moving," it said. "Do you feel it?"
Frowning, I reached out and...
Pulling to the side of the tunnel, I dry-heaved into a fist, and once that was under control, I panted with unfocused eyes.
"Shit," I breathed.
"Indeed," the figure said.
When I glared at it, it stepped out of sight, and I pushed off of the wall, ignoring the people staring at me. If that wrongness in the world was true and not a perceived excuse for me to escape, then I needed to leave Allanovian. Now.
The distance between me and a temporary home vanished in a flash, but when I sprinted into my clinic, a final distraction was waiting to slow my departure. Dath was huddled on a cot, curled around himself, while his hissing respiration set the beat to his rock back and forth.
"What are you doing here?" I snapped.
The trainee raised a tear-streaked face, which slowed down my racing steps and thoughts.
"I didn't know where else to go," he said.
Hissing, I rearranged my priorities before advancing on Dath. I crouched, gently extending the arm he was clutching. Clearly broken, it spurred a pained groan from him.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Isn't it obvious? I got into a fight," Dath growled. "I heard someone say that Lyli wouldn't have cut it as a Zrelnach, and you can guess what happened after that."
"You got the shit beaten out of you?"
Straightening, I headed for my supplies, retrieving a bite block and splints.
"I'm surprised you let them break a bone when you don't have a single bruise on you," I said.
I turned to the trainee, who'd wrapped himself in a dense aura of sulkiness, and rolling my eyes, I bent in front of him, handing him the bite block. Once it was in place, I set the bone before arranging the splints to support my fix.
"This needs to rest for a few weeks," I said.
Dath jerked his head up.
"How am I supposed to explain that to my trainers?" he asked.
Patting the boy's knee, I stood, gathering the innocuous supplies I'd need for my coming trip.
"Tell them you risked a sparring session with me," I said. "They'll leave you alone after that."
"Why?" Dath asked. "You're a healer. Even a Zrelnach trainee could best someone like you."
Pausing in my packing, I graced the boy with a twisted smile.
"I wasn't always a healer," I said. "Now, get out of here. I need to prepare for tomorrow, when one of you lot inevitably requires my services."
Watching me with the most dubious of glances, Dath left the clinic, and with no more spectators present, I was free to retrieve the supplies that no self-respecting healer would own. Kneeling beside my bed, I lifted its thin mattress, revealing the weapons lying on its slats. With an almost reverent air, I lifted my sword and crudely replicated dagger into the air, and thus prepared, I snuck out of my clinic.
As I'd always known it would be, bypassing Allanovian's security measures was simplicity itself, and once I was standing beneath an open sky, I shot toward a point of resemblance, heeding the draw that had been spawned scant days before.
No one noticed my absence. Not yet.
Chapter 6: Disrupting Changes
Raimie
Raimie from the line of Audish kings...
Had I heard that right? I couldn't have. It was...
A burst of hysterical laughter jolted me back into working order, and I stooped to retrieve Shadowsteal from the ground. I didn't know what was going on, but right now, that didn't matter. I had monsters trailing me, and our cottage was the best refuge from them.
When I entered it, my father was shoving provisions into packs, much like we did when visiting Fissid, with Eledis helping him.
"Raimie can you gather anything you want to keep?" he asked.
"Why would I do that?" I said.
Setting Shadowsteal on the table, I leaned on it.
"Listen. I saw something in the woods-"
"We don't have time for this," Eledis snapped.
Snatching a knapsack from my father's bed, he thrust it at me.
"Pack," he growled.
He spun for the cottage's small kitchen, and I decided I'd had enough. I dropped what I'd been given, balling my hands into fists.
"No!" I shouted. "Someone, tell me what's happening and why my world has become a string of crazy since this morning."
Activity in the cottage paused with my family looking at me as if just now registering my presence. After a moment, Eledis shoved what he was holding at my father.
"Keep at it," he said. "I've got this."
My father pulled his lips thin, but he followed instructions while Eledis faced me from across the table.
"We've waited a long time for you. Three hundred years or so in fact," he said. "You read the book I gave you, right? That means you've read some of your family history, Raimie. As I said, you're of the Audish royal line-"
"What?" I interrupted. "Come on. You don't seriously expect me to believe that, do you?"
Eledis just fixed me with an unwavering stare, and as he moved about the cottage, my father kept shooting inscrutable looks my way.
"That... doesn't make sense," I said. "If we're royalty, why are we living in the middle of nowhere? Why barely survive out here when we could...?"
When we could what?
Cocking his head, Eledis said, "What better place to hide?"
A chill swirled to rest in my gut, and despite how much I might wish it otherwise, I found myself detaching.
"Hide?" I asked. "From what?"
"Who, actually," Eledis said. "The man who stole our kingdom from us. Doldimar."
"Doldimar," I repeated.
A cackle followed the name, spewing long and loud from me until I'd doubled over on myself with one hand gripping the table. Alouin, this had to be a joke. They couldn't be serious. They couldn't...
But as I examined my family—Eledis' face, pinched with annoyance, and my father refusing to look at me—the same sense of familiarity, of knowing, that I'd experienced while reading about Auden settled over me. I didn't know why or how, but I believed this story.
Which left only one question.
"Why would you keep this from me?" I shouted.
Implacable as always, Eledis turned to my father, who cringed as he tied off a pack.
"The floor's yours," he said.
Turning, my father faced me and swallowed
"It was your mother's dying wish," he said. "She wanted us to leave our history in the past."
Almost, the mention of my mother stopped me in my tracks. Almost.
"And the nine years before she died?" I growled. "You didn't think sharing this insignificant facet of my life was a good idea?"
Flinching, my father said, "Would you worry a child with the threat our family faces?"
"What threat?" I screamed through my teeth.
With a sigh, Eledis slammed his hands on the table, leaning over it.
"Again, your answer is Doldimar," he said. "He wants the Audish royal line dead but not because we pose a threat to his reign's legitimacy. I doubt he cares about that. No, he doesn't want the foretelling about our family to come true, as it has with you. Now, we need to-"
"But I read the foretellings about Shadowsteal," I said. "Nowhere did they mention Auden or its royal family."
"Are you sure about that?" Eledis said. "Shadowsteal's rightful bearer shall destroy destruction's epitome, returning our land to peace a prosperity, right? Stupidly convoluted, as usual, but that's clearly a reference to our current situation."
I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn't seem to close it. They believed this supposed foretelling, one I wasn't convinced had anything to do with us. They expected me to defeat an evil overlord? Had my family... had the world gone insane overnight?
"I need a minute," I squeaked.
As I ran for escape, Eledis called, "Raimie, we need to leave!"
"Let him-" my father started.
A closing door cut him off. I desperately wanted to sprint into the forest, letting rain and trees surround me, but I didn't know if those creepy figures from before had left or not. Instead, I circled the cottage before slamming my back into a wall and sliding down it.
With my knees up and my hands to my head, I shoved everything that had happened since waking up to the side. I focused on breathing, in and out. In and out.
When roaring denial stopped threatening to drown my thoughts, I picked at recent events, shrinking as I did so.
A foretelling. I was the subject of some long-ago seer's vision of the future. That couldn't be right. I wasn't... I just wasn't. Anything.
But if I was, should I worry about the foretelling that Eledis had mentioned alone, or should I take the others seriously as well? Alouin, what if I should? How he soars, how he falls, how he will suffer? That couldn't- couldn't-
"Stop before you faint," I breathed.
Say my family was right. Say we were royalty.
Snorting, I said, "Alouin, that's crazy."
If it wasn't, though, what would I do about it? Eledis and my father thought we faced some unknown peril, and I had no reason to doubt them. Given that, the best course of action, for now at least, was the follow their lead and see what happened. I could do that. It was what I'd done for my whole life, after all.
No way would I touch that damn sword again, though, not until I knew why the world had shifted when I'd last done it. Someone else could take responsibility for it until then.
"Ok," I breathed. "Ok, ok, ok."
With my decision made, I opened my eyes and scrambled backward, trying to merge with the wall.
The figures from the forest, one of light and one of shadow, were standing on either side of me, bending over to peer at me with cocked heads. With my breath stolen, I couldn't scream while slits peeled open where their faces should be, and buzzing was pushed from them in spurts.
A moment of silence followed, one where they seemed to be waiting for a response. If they were, I didn't have one for them. I pulled as much of my body away from them as possible, and soon enough, the figure of light hummed once more. The shadowed figure straightened, crossed its arms, and hissed back.
Between blinks, they faced one another while screeches and whines punctuated the buzzing between them. The shadowed figure's hissing claimed dominance, and it jerked forward, throwing its fist toward the other one's face.
Halfway through its swing, however, it stopped short, turning the scene into a motionless painting. Both figures released a shrill screech before spinning toward the forest.
I didn't know what could have distracted such incomprehensible anomalies. At the moment, though, I didn't care.
Mounting pressure was threatening to crack my head, spilling my brains over the grass and fallen leaves, but I couldn't find the will to press my hands to my skull and hold that bone together.
Something terrible had found a home in the seat of who I was, and a shrieking child sprinted circuits inside while tears wept from his white-drowned eyes. It was unnatural, but I couldn't fight it. I sat as though made of stone while gibbering questions filled my thoughts. While a specter-like form peeled away from the forest's shadows, much like the primeancers of old were said to have done.
All of which was impossible.
It strode toward me, becoming merely a man with a hooded cloak to shroud his features, but rather than lessening my panic, this revelation sent my internal screaming up in pitch, a state that wasn't helped when the figures of light and shadow stepped between this new stranger and me.
One of them raised a hand in warning while the other one's shadows conglomerated in its hand. That figure tried to throw the resulting ball at the stranger, but the bolt dissipated when it lost contact with its creator.
Were they... protecting me?
Their efforts didn't make a difference. The hooded stranger advanced on me as if they were invisible, passing through them without pause. He came to a stop in front of me, looking down on my still form.
"Can't even resist my battle magic," came a voice from the hood's confines. "How are you...?"
Shaking his head, he drew a dagger from beneath his cloak before crouching to graze its edge along my cheek.
"I should make sure you're the right one first."
With my throat working, I tried to speak while the stranger reversed his grip on the dagger, but my voice failed me. As the stranger raised his weapon overhead, I caught movement on the edge of my vision.
"Raim-!"
Then, steel cracked into my temple and-
"Shiiiit!"
I screamed my numbing fear into the confines of my nightmare realm. I'd love to thrash and punch and kick and in general, throw a tantrum as well, but as always, damn incorporeal bonds arrested any movement I might make.
Which meant that after my cursing fell silent, I had to consider what had happened. What had that been? A blow to the head, hard enough for me to lose consciousness, would have been bad enough. I was looking at a concussion, at the least, when I woke up.
If I woke up.
But the rest? Terror crashing over me so strongly that I couldn't lift a finger while a threat casually strolled forward to do me harm? It was too much.
"It's too much! Do you hear me?" I shouted. "Magic swords and a life-altering revelation? Alouin, my family's bee keeping this secret from me for years. What else have they kept hidden?"
Panting, I sightlessly stared at swirling black. I couldn't dwell on the possibility of more lies, not when more pressing concerns required my attention.
The stranger, whoever he was, obviously wasn't friendly. A friend didn't pin one in place or knock one unconscious, and I was in the hands of someone who'd done both.
Which meant.
"I need to wake up," I said under my breath. "I need to get out of here."
But how-?
"I can help with that."
For a moment, all I could do was shudder with my eyes fighting against what was holding them open.
That voice. I knew it, didn't I? It-
The hooded wraith from my last nightmare peeked into view, and I frowned.
"You're talking to me now?" I asked.
The wraith cocked his head.
"Wait. You can actually hear me this time?" he whispered.
"Of course I can. Why wouldn't I be able to?" I asked. "And what do you mean you can help?"
Shooting to his full height, the wraith lifted fingers to his mouth.
"Oh my gods, he can hear me," he said. "Does that mean...? No. Still blocked."
I narrowed my eyes.
"Who are you?" I asked.
Stiffening, the wraith bent over me, clasping his hands behind his back. I could almost see a fierce smirk beneath that hood's all-consuming black.
"At the moment, my designated identifier will mean nothing to you," he said. "Perhaps later, I will share it, but for now, you have mentioned a desire to leave this place?"
For a long pause, I simply stared, and not once in that examination did the wraith move, not even to breathe. Not visibly at least.
"I don't understand anything that's happened this morning," I eventually said. "I'm not sure I can handle another mystery on top of everything else, but if you can get me to the waking world before someone hurts me there, I'll try to ignore that."
The wraith turned my silence back on me; his previous motionlessness frenetic when compared to the appearance of a man absent his essence. The nightmare turned chilly with ice filling my lungs.
"I have a price for my assistance," the wraith said.
Of course he did. Nothing in life came for free.
"What is it?" I asked through gritted teeth.
An arm shot out of the wraith's cloak while a knife slipped into his hand. That blade, in all of this nightmare's dark landscape, was the only thing that shone. If I could, I'd recoil from it, but immobilized as I was, I could only stare with my breath quickening.
"Cease your fear. This is not meant for you," the wraith said, "but I shall require it for my price. If you want me to help you, heart of-"
He paused, almost flinching, but moved on before I could ask what was wrong.
"If you want help, I require your permission to free you."
...What?
"How is that a price? I've wanted my freedom for years," I said. "Also, you can do that?"
Again, the head was cocked.
"Yes," the wraith said, "but only if you give me permission."
I wasn't a fan of a stranger with a knife, especially someone as disturbing as the wraith, standing anywhere near me while I couldn't defend myself. I couldn't, however, do much to change my circumstances, and leaving my fate in this relatively benign man's hands seemed wiser than doing the same for the stranger in the waking world.
"Do as you like," I said. "Free me."
A convulsion ran over the wraith, and when he threw his head back, the hood started slipping off of it.
"Finally," he said.
His rough voice filled the nightmare, sending fingers of unease sliding over my skin. The wraith dropped to his knees with his knife clattering beside him, and cold hands were rested on either side of my face.
"I will begin immediately," he said, "but in the meantime, you must WAKE UP!"
Something tugged between my shoulder blades, making my nightmare narrow to a point. A voice chased me as I fell away from it.
"Do not leave me alone again. Return to me. Please."
Chapter 7: Fissid
Raimie
Water cascaded over me, and sputtering, I tried to escape from the stream. This proved quite impossible, considering my hands had been bound behind my back. Instead, all I did was scrape myself against something with a rough texture.
What had happened? The last thing I remembered was fear. Fear of... something. A stranger? My father had skidded around the cottage's corner with a bow in hand, and... that was it.
Squinting, I shook my head, hoping to clear my clouded memory.
Only clouded memory. No headache. Why didn't I have a concussion right now?
Not important. First, where was I? The sun could never shine this brightly on a homestead shaded by a forest's canopy. I peered through my half-lowered lids while my eyes adjusted, and what I saw petrified me.
I knew this town square, bordered by a tavern and a stable. I knew the road I was facing, leading toward the woods that hid my home. I knew the people who were frozen around me—something wrong there—and that meant I knew the town's name.
Fissid.
It also meant that I knew what I was resting against.
Even with my mind begging me not to do it, I craned my neck until I could see a small roof covering a well. It had been here. Here, my mother-
Water closes over my head before I can think to breathe. My arm is dangling from its slap against the stone, and when I use it to swim, I nearly faint. Blinking at stars, I kick, managing to surface.
Someone stares at me from the hole overhead, and I scream before water sucks me under again. Thrashing my legs, I struggle to keep my head aloft.
"Mama!" I shout. "I can't-!"
Water claims me once more. When I fight free of it, I cough and sputter, sobbing.
"Mama, help!"
The tail end of a rope splashes into the water beside me, and my mother climbs over the edge overhead. She hurries to come down, but at the pace she's taking, she'll never reach me before I sink to the well's floor.
I grab the rope with my good arm, sending a shiver speeding up it. It jostles my mother off of the wall, jerking the rope out of her hands. Shrieking, she falls. Her head smacks into the wall before she flops on top of me.
A cry drew me out of my memories, and addled, I sought the noise's source. I found it in Arabella, the daughter of Fissid's baker. Also, the first girl I'd ever fancied.
She was standing perfectly still in front of a man clocked in cloth and shadow, and he was holding a sword to her throat. I met the girl's eyes, saw the tears trembling in them, and abruptly realized what I'd missed before.
Twisting in place, I scanned the square, and indeed, everyone who called Fissid home had been crowded into it, lying or kneeling or crouching in the dirt. No one moved, even with twitching muscles betraying their desire to flee, but nothing was restraining them. No chains or ropes had been wrapped around their limbs. They just... didn't move.
"It's my battle magic, so rare in this age. I wouldn't be surprised if I was the last to claim it."
All of me had become stone: my head swinging toward the stranger, my wrists burdened with shackles, my shoulders bowing as I realized how much danger I was in.
So, it was with some surprise that I heard my voice emerge smooth and hard, like polished stone.
"What do you want?"
The stranger—monster really—continued as if I hadn't spoken.
"These good people feel it, the same as what I directed at you earlier. They are weak, never to overcome their fear. For a time, I've withdrawn it from you, not only because you appear to be as weak as them but because I require answers. These innocents will serve as hostages. I will kill one for every time you defy me. Do we understand one another?"
I had no doubt that he'd fulfill his threat. There was nothing empty about it, so I slowly nodded my head.
"Good," the monster said. "You, the old man closest to him. Release his shackles."
He tossed a key so that it thumped onto the cracked earth, and Vincelten, Fissid's blacksmith, scrambled to retrieve it. he wouldn't look at me as he maneuvered the key in its lock.
The shackles dropped to the dirt, but I didn't move, save for to curl my fingers around their chain. I didn't know what I'd do with this makeshift weapon, but with the weight of my hunting knife gone from my side, I was grateful to have any possible means of defense.
"What did you do to my family?" I asked.
As he hummed, the monster's sword twitched against Arabella's neck, and I shrunk against the well.
"I'll be asking the questions, thank you," he said. "First, your name. What is it?"
Why did he care?
"I'm called Raimie."
With a snort, the monster shook his head.
"You shouldn't lie to me," he said, "or if you must, at least make it believable. Don't give me an Eselan name when you're clearly human."
Eselan? As in the race long vanished from the world? Why would he bring them up?
"Let me remind you that your actions have consequences, child," the monster said.
His sword flashed with an arc of red flying from its tip, and Arabella, released from the monster's clutches, folded to the ground, feebly pawing at the gash in her neck. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she shuddered and fell still.
This couldn't be happening. Who killed someone over a perceived lie? That just... didn't happen, not in this world. Not in Ada'ir.
But there lay proof that perhaps my perception of the world was wrong, and I should be burning with anger or babbling with fear. I shouldn't have cold frosting my insides and numbing my mind.
Lifting my gaze, i found the monster already holding another person captive.
"Why would you do that? I told you the truth. Why would you punish me for that?" I asked. "Do you want me to lie? I'll do or be whatever you want if it will keep these people safe, but you have to tell me what that is."
The monster cocked his hood while the man he was holding visibly shook.
"You're quite strange," he said, "but I suppose that doesn't matter, much like your name won't. I don't know why I asked about it. Tell me about Shadowsteal instead."
Of course this strange and hostile exchange would have something to do with that.
"What do you want to know?" I asked. "I can't share much about it. I only found it yesterday."
The monster nodded.
"I figured as much. Its ringing started this morning, and anyone with a cautious bone in their body would take time to decide whether to accept the burden of such a mysterious weapon," he said. "I want to know what happened when you touched it."
But I didn't know how to describe that. I had yet to wrap my mind around everything that had happened this... morning...
Why was it only midday? Earlier, I'd noticed the sun beating down on me, but the implications of that hadn't hit until now.
The trip from my home to Fissid took several hours. It should be evening, not an hour or so since the monster had stolen me from my family. Had I lain unconscious for a full day?
A wet gurgle snapped my attention to the monster as he switched victims once more.
"I'm not a patient man, child," he said. "Quickly answer my questions, or we'll create a corpse pile much more quickly than I'd like."
For a moment, a flash of head seared through my numbness, and I fought to push words into the world, words that might have saved a man.
"I touched Shadowsteal, and... I don't know what to tell you. What happened involved a lot of light, but that's about all I can explain. I couldn't understand the rest."
Hissing, the monster retreated, almost unintentionally murdering the woman in his arms.
"It's come," he said. "Shadowsteal has emerged into the world once more, and you are him, n truth. What do I do?"
Was- was that all he'd wanted from me? Two questions answered? Why couldn't he have done that in the forest? Why had he brought me to Fissid?
"Gods, I made a mistake, not seizing the damn sword when I had the chance, no matter how much doing so would have hurt," the monster said. "Being near it was bad enough but touching it-"
Sickened coughing interrupted his spiel.
Ah. Yes, that might explain his haste to leave my home.
"Still, it must be done, my mistake rectified. My master will tolerate no less," the monster said, as if to himself. "That should be easy enough. If I lure the upstart family here, they'll bring Shadowsteal with them."
Stiffening, the monster turned to me.
"But what to do with you?"
I said not a word. Pleading would do me no good. Instead, I clenched my fingers around the chain with my body winding like a spring.
Which only made the monster laugh.
"Oh, you are tenacious, aren't you?" he asked. "Very well. I'll give you a chance to escape. If you can, my master should find you plenty entertaining."
Releasing his captive, he shoved her away before raising a hand.
"But for now, submit."
He flicked his fingers, and I fell to a throb in my head, one that turned my vision white, and terror strong enough to trip my thoughts over themselves. For a time, these were all I knew, but gradually, they retreated from me, although each slow step away was a taunt about how easily they could conquer me once more.
When my head was filled with only a dull ache, I blinked at a once more changed scene. I recognized Ytrella's waystation from the many times my family and I had spent the night here. The illumination coming through its windows seemed wrong, though, changed from sunlight, and when I tried to stand, I nearly tumbled myself and the chair attached to me sideways.
Glancing down, I tugged at the rope holding my wrists and ankles to wood. Damn, that was tight! How was I supposed to escape this? Could I?
After several minutes of squirming, I fell still, gasping with sweat soaking into my clothes. Why was it so hot in here?
Awkwardly, I dried my face on my shoulder, and something outside the waystation's windows caught my eye. I scooted closer, frowning when I saw a black sky overhead. If night had fallen, what was lighting this room? There weren't any candles or lanterns lit in here.
Also, no people. Duh. Why hadn't I tried the easiest solution to my problem?
"If anyone's out there, I need help," I shouted. "I know you probably hate me now but..."
But what? How could I excuse what my mere presence had done to interrupt these people's lives? For all I knew, they'd been the ones who'd tied me to this chair.
Shaking my head, I inched toward the window. Maybe if I got a better view of what lay outside, I could... decide...
Well. That clarified the heat and the strange lighting. It explained the smell and the faint roar filling the air too, now that I thought about it.
Fissid was in flames, great tongues of fire licking at the air above its buildings. The conflagration hadn't reached Ytrella's waystation yet. In fact, all of town square seemed peaceful, but it wouldn't be long before the blaze spread to engulf it.
Thrumming my boot tip beneath the rope, I twisted to examine it, and on seeing knots that made my eyes cross, I didn't think I'd have much luck with untying myself, especially not when the tension from it already had my fingers tingling. No way could I squirm free of this without getting hurt.
Was that what the monster had meant when he'd said he'd give me a chance to escape? Was I expected to hurt myself?
I almost missed the weakness in the rope. Along the inside of one portion, a slash had indented the fiber around it, as if intentionally nicked. Considering how shallow it was, I almost ignored the given opportunity, but I didn't see how else I was supposed to escape. Gritting my teeth, I rubbed the slice against a rough corner, all while watching the inferno grow outside.
By the time the rope snapped, the fire had begun its feast on the far side of town square. With no time to shake out my hand, I bent for an ankle and was stopped just short of reaching it. Making a face, I tried for my offhand wrist instead.
Ever so slowly, I worked the rope's end through one knot, but by the time that was done, fire had claimed dominance across the square. I'd never free myself in time by doing it this way, and a quick scan of the room revealed no sharp edges within my reach. I'd have to make my own.
Or break what I was bound to.
"Shit."
This was a terrible idea, but when one's choices were definite immolation while staying upright or a likely chance while lying on one's side...
Hopefully, this chair wasn't well crafted. Tipping it, I braced, hoping the impact wouldn't break my ankle along with the chair.
The sound of splintering wood masked my hiss. Ignoring the pain shooting up my leg, I tore the chair's backrest off of its seat. Friction burns and splinters were the price for freeing my other hand, and while cloth shielded my ankles from getting the same, the one that I'd landed on throbbed. When I prodded it, nothing screamed at me, so I cautiously decided it must be sprained instead of broken.
That made it no less painful to walk on, although my personal hell was nothing compared to what lay outside.
During my frantic escape from the chair, the fire had surrounded me. What I'd seen from the window—the peril that had sped me to such reckless lengths—had met another inferno, coming from behind the waystation. They'd converged on either side of the town, right where a road ran through it.
"Alouin damn it all," I said.
How was I supposed to survive this?
Chapter 8: Escaping Fire
Raimie
Intent on getting out of Fissid and the trouble I'd found there, I took a step outside. My foot landed on something squishy, and on finding what had caused the noise, I leapt back, slapping my hand to my mouth. Shuddering gasps barely kept me from losing control of my stomach.
For outside of her waystation, Ytrella lay still, and more lumps were sprawled across the square. Hell, so many blank eyes were staring at me.
Doubling over, I coughed, which sent acid pouring from between my fingers. A town full of people... The monster had massacred a town.
Because of me.
Stepping over Ytrella, I dazedly wandered into the center of the square. Bending to retrieve a set of shackles, I tucked them into my waistband and closed my eyes.
This confusing mishmash of ice and fire, screaming and weeping inside of me? It must wait for a time. I needed to escape the tinderbox that Fissid had become before the fire braved the dirt sprawl of town square.
Maybe I could wait it out in the well?
Fluttering my eyes open, I forced them to land on that stone structure-
I keep mama aloft with my broken arm, clinging to the rope with the other. The clumsy curses I mutter help with driving pain away, letting me stay conscious. If I see Bryruned again, I should thank the blacksmith's apprentice for teaching them to me.
"Help!" I call. "Mama, please wake up."
My whisper echoes alongside the slosh of water.
As time passes, light creeps up the well's walls, and a visible patch of sky turns orange and purple. By the time stars emerge, cursing can't retain my pain any longer, and I float, holding onto consciousness for the sole purpose of keeping mama above the water.
"Why did you chase me?" I ask. "Did you want to play Flee too? You should've said something. We would have let you join us."
Mama says nothing, and I swallow a lump in my throat. Voices shout int he dark, but I can't summon the energy to call for help. Doing so changed nothing earlier. Why should it help now? Instead, I hum a lullaby, indulging in the illusion that I'm putting mama to bed for once.
Her weight is lifted off of my arm, and it screams at that release of pressure. Mumbling my own protests, I slap at the water, looking for her.
From behind, something is wrapped around my stomach. I twist, flailing at whatever is holding me, but even still, it lifts me into the air. I dangle until it pulls me over the lip of the well, and once I'm released, I flop to the ground.
"Raimie!"
A rough hand touches my cheek, and I grab it.
"Mama?" I ask.
When my vision clears, my father's worried face crystallizes into something recognizable.
"She's fine. Waking up now. What happened?"
Closing my eyes, I surrender to sleep.
Why the hell was I dwelling on the past when my future looked shaky at best? Alouin, what had I been doing before falling into memories?
Snapping and cracking sounds spun me in place while one of the taller buildings nearby collapsed.
Right. I'd been escaping a fire.
If I got into the well, it might help with the flames, but it wouldn't stop smoke from smothering me. It wouldn't work, which meant I'd have to choose a riskier solution.
Turning in place, I looked for the weakest section of the fire, but my initial inspection left me frozen. Too many options! Which would work best?
Right when hyperventilation was threatening to set in, I spotted something that I'd missed in the hazy darkness of this burning night. A shadowed figure was standing beside a building, frantically beckoning for me to follow it.
I didn't take the time to consider my fear of the figure or whether it was an ally or not. Something deep inside, almost beneath my awareness, instinctively trusted it, and so, I took off for the bakery.
Bursting into the shop, I threw an arm over my face with my eyes watering. Again, the shadowed figure guided me, standing beside a door along the back wall. Coughing, I avoided what flames I could, chasing an anomaly that I'd recoiled from that very morning.
Once I was on the other side of the bakery, I dissolved into wet coughs, all while watching a shadowed figure shuffle in place.
I'd made it out of town square. Not to escape Fissid.
The figure took the lead, although its jittering form was now warping in unnerving ways. With its path weaving, it seemed drunk, but even so, I never considered going my own way. Later, I'd examine why doing that felt unnecessary, but for now, the figure had proven itself reliable, and I couldn't find my way through this maze of death by myself.
But then, the figure led me into a dead end. Cottages crowded around the fringe of town, and to this point, we'd threaded through them with little trouble. Now, I could see the creek that bordered Fissid through flickering orange and yellow, and beyond that lay a plain, lit only by the moon and stars.
Unfortunately, a collapsed cottage was blocking my path to it.
Turning to the darkened figure, I hissed, "Really? There's no other way?"
It shook its head, soon followed by the rest of its form. A halting serries of screeches contested the roar of destruction around us, and I lifted a hand to stop the figure.
"I understand," I said. "Thank you for getting me this far. I don't suppose you know how to get around that, do you?"
When I waved at the cottage's collapsed beams, the shadowed figure faced them, cocking its head. It shrugged with another jumble of high-pitched noises spilling from it, and making a face, I waved for quiet.
After examining the mess, I had to agree with the figure. I saw no good way through it. Several acceptable paths lay there, but all of them would hurt me. So, which one would hurt the least?
As if summoned, the shadowed figure's companion, all blazing light, stepped through the conflagration. It pointed at a smoldering plank, one that was perched above a reduced spread of flame. Could I even reach that spot?
Swallowing hard, I glanced over my shoulder, not so much from distrust but to alleviate the part of my brain that was screaming for another option. Unfortunately, manically cackling flames had already filled the path I'd taken to get here, making Fissid a beacon sure to be seen as far as the Fractured Peaks.
Cursing, I tested my weight on my sprained ankle, wincing when my leg nearly buckled. Hell, this would be fun.
With a growl, I sprinted for the plank, making the figures of light and shadow vanish as I approached. I jumped, reaching for something that I should never have touched, and when I caught hold of it, a piercing scream fought the flare shooting from my palms with both sensations begging for my attention.
I gave it to neither. I focused only on dragging my body over the wobbly plank and into the creek beyond.
Its icy water came as a blissful release, and I took a moment to enjoy it before pushing to my feet. Before I could take a breath of free air, however, a flash of agony sent me splashing below the surface again. With my air depleting, I thrashed in the water until something in my uncontrolled scramble moved me forward, and soon, I was dragging myself out of the creek by my elbows.
Collapsing on the creek's bank, I reluctantly lifted my shaking hands, and the sight of them made me feel like something had gut punched me. A black stripe ran across my palms with bone peeking through it in spots, and that same awful color was dotted across my fingertips. The skin between them was ruby red with blisters already forming, and I had to curl my hands into claws if I wanted to think clearly.
Ruined. They were utterly and completely ruined. Flopping my arms to either side, I burst into laughter while tears spilled from my eyes. Alouin, what would I do?
And how could I agonize over my woes when Fissid would soon become a graveyard? Why did I think I was more important than everyone who'd been murdered? How could this be real?
As if knowing how badly I needed the distraction, a roar split the night, one of a human's making, and I tensed.
I knew that voice.
As fast as I could, I clambered to my feet, racing toward the noise. A distant part of my mind wondered where my helpful figures from before had gone, but mostly, a constant scan of my surroundings occupied me.
There wasn't much to see. With its soil to rocky for farming and no other resources of value found here, the grasslands around Fissid had always lain empty. The only reason a town existed in such barren land was to serve as a gateway to Ratchav, the isolationist kingdom on Ada'ir's western border.
I darted around this emptiness, running low enough that tall grass slapped my face. After several minutes, I'd begun to wonder whether I'd imagined the shout, but before I could give up my search, to silhouettes popped into view on my right. One of them was chasing the other away from Fissid.
Veering toward them, I slowed down. I knew one of those people, and I had my suspicions about the other one, but considering all that this day had gifted me with, staying cautious seemed wise.
That conviction flew out the window as the man furthest from me paused to lift a bow. Its string twanged, sending an arrow speeding for his opponent's head, and he took off again, never checking if his attack had landed.
It didn't hit, but that wasn't due to poor aim. The archer's opponent swiped the arrow out of the air while continuing forward.
The flutter of that cloak as he batted the projectile down chilled me. It made the sword wielder the monster from Fissid, and the only person I knew who had such skill with the bow was my father.
Too much distance was separating me from the fight. I sprinted toward it anyway. My only weapon was a set of shackles, but I could do nothing else. I'd have helped even if the monster's victim had been a stranger, but despite my determination, I wouldn't reach the site of the fight before it was over.
It didn't matter how many arrows my father shot—and he was firing plenty—or how fast he ran... it just didn't matter. The monster would win.
Maybe that was the bastard's battle magic speaking, but if it was, my father felt it too. Dropping his bow, he raced for the monster. At the last second, he snatched an arrow from his quiver, jamming it toward his enemy's neck.
The monster caught my father's descending wrist. With a jerk, he spun my father around before placing his foot in the man's back. I watched him bed around that boot before he went flying, tumbling end over end.
Biting off my scream, I increased my pace. I made so much noise while flying through the grass, but the monster didn't seem to notice, merely stalking to stand over where my father had fallen.
"-don't want to kill him," the bastard was saying as I approached. "He could lead us to Shadowsteal."
Who was he talking to? My Father? There was no one else here.
"Yes, I suppose that damn ringing could serve as a beacon just as well," the monster continued, "but you know I don't like unnecessary killi- AGH! Fine! You don't have to do that."
He lifted a boot to stomp on my father's head, and I leapt onto his back, looping my shackles' chain around the bastard's neck. My hands screamed snarling protests as I applied pressure to them. I bit my tongue to counter that pain until the taste of blood filled my mouth.
Off balance, the monster wavered before falling to his back, pinning me between him and the ground, but even stunned, I continued pulling on the chain with all my strength.
The monster didn't seem to care. One moment, blurry stars were revolving overhead, and the next, the monster had shot to his feet, which had my forehead clunking into his skull. The bastard drove his elbow into my side with impossible force, and something snapped, leaving a jagged end tickling at my lung.
I couldn't breathe! Couldn't- couldn't1
The chain I was clinging to was torn out of my hands, and I fell like a limp doll off of the monster's back, barely keeping myself upright.
I didn't notice my impact with the ground. All I could focus on were my sips of air and the click produced by each of them.
Something slammed into my head, and reeling, I awkwardly fell on an arm. I should do something, should get up and- and- what else? What must I do?
"I've revised my opinion of you, foreseen child," a voice said.
Why did it spawn such fear and hatred?
"You're too dangerous," it said. "So, despite my initial reservation, I must kill you, but please know that I looked for any reasonable excuse not to end your life."
A vortex of black was towering over me with a smaller twin at its side. A length of something shiny rose into the air, hovering, and a voice I knew and loved shouted angry, unkind things.
"Shh, shh," I mumbled to it. "You'll scare Volatility away."
The glint, flashing for my chest, faltered, and a new person, someone with white light streaking over them, barreled into the vortex, knocking it to the side. What... what... what...?
"Raimie!"
I heard love. Something I... I should... how to...?
Between blinks of the world, the ground and I reversed positions with my hands...
Oh, my hands...
Light and dark were clashing somewhere nearby, a display that would have taken my breath away if I'd had any to give. Why were they...?
Didn't matter. I'd reach... reach...
I looked upon familiar, drab hair and blue eyes.
"Raimie," this mash of colors breathed.
Such relief. Why?
With my goal achieved, I stopped resisting my body's call. I fell face-first into flattened grass and stayed down, gone to wherever the mind fled when its body failed.
"This place again?" I sighed. "I thought I died."
Inky black swirled above me, and the temptation to scream at my immobility struck me once more. Hard.
But I wasn't totally restrained. Wonder began a slow seep into me as I flexed my hand, no free.
"It doesn't hurt," I said. "Injuries don't transfer here?"
"Why would they? We are in o- your head."
The wraith was sitting beside me, yet another man hidden beneath copious amounts of fabric, but this one was different. I thought. I didn't know how I'd missed his presence until now.
For a while, I watched as the wraith sawed at something I couldn't see. This man disturbed me, and yet, I trusted him, much like I had with the figures of light and shadow. Could they be connected?
"You have returned," the wraith said. "I am glad."
"I didn't get much choice in the matter," I said. "Kind of had to stay conscious when your body's taken as much damage as mine."
The wraith stopped dragging his jagged knife along my invisible bonds, jerking his head to face me.
"That sounds... bad," he said.
"It'll be fine," I said. "I'm not dead; I don't think. I suppose this could be the afterlife."
Resuming his work, the wraith said, "You are live."
"How do you know that?" I asked.
"I know it because I live," the wraith said.
He glanced up at the sky.
"I must retreat for a moment," he said. "You will wake up soon. Doo not descend too far into panic before that happens. Your screaming... I do not like hearing it."
Rising, the wraith flicked his knife up a sleeve before stalking out of view. For a moment, I merely flexed my hand, marveling at the motion.
"Even my dreams have turned topsy-turvy," I said.
Stretching an unmarred palm toward the sky, I waited to leave my nightmare.
Chapter 9: See Here Your Ally
Rhylix
In fact, if anyone should take responsibility for it, it's me.
I wouldn't make it in time. For hours, what had repulsed me had lingered in the direction of an incessant pull, and I'd pushed as quickly as I could toward that complicated miasma with disbelief growing the longer one of them had failed to snuff out the other.
Technically, I didn't need to separate the people causing this conflict. If allowed to fade, that compelling attraction would come again, but I'd rather not wait for that to happen.
It was past time I left Allanovian. It was past time I went home.
When I spotted an orange glow on the horizon, I knew I'd soon stumble upon what I sought. Opposites couldn't occupy the same space for long without causing a disaster.
Still, as I drove my borrowed cart to a creek bed with a raging wildfire constrained on the other side, I couldn't help but pause with soon to be blackened buildings stealing my attention. It was happening again. This moment, when everything began, would only cascade into further misery and death. It happened every time, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop it.
Not that I ever stopped trying.
Still. I looked upon a scene that should have left my mouth gaping, but the best my empty heart could muster was quiet resignation.
I left the cart and horse waiting by the creek, calming the animal down as best I could before following my outlined path. My targets were ripping at me now, so close had I come to them, which made planning how I'd resolve their tangle exceedingly difficult.
Thankfully, my ever-present nuisance had yet to appear with a suggestion. Perhaps I could do as I wished this time.
Sounds rose above the fire's distant roar. Grass swished as something moved it. A twang poured dissonance into a steadily droning background. I angled toward these noises, and soon enough, three figures made an impression on the night's dark.
Two of them were fighting, one of whom was an archer and the other...
The other peeled my lips away from my teeth while a quiet hiss meshed with the wind's rustle through a tree's leaves. Hopefully, I could reach those men before the archer met his inevitably gruesome fate, but he wasn't my priority. No, that honor went to the third figure, who was sneaking up on the archer's opponent.
Already at a full sprint, I winced at the archer's flight over the grassland, one that stopped beneath a tree. The way he'd bowed around that boot...
Still, he wasn't dead. Yet. The cloaked figure ambled to stand over him, and I knew I wouldn't make it in time to save his life.
It was to my great surprise, then, that the cloaked figure didn't move when he reached the archer.
What was he doing? Why didn't he satiate what I knew would be an irrefutably murderous desire? Such behavior was unusual for one claimed by-
The third figure, a soot-streaked teenager revealed in the moonlight, sprang onto the cloaked figure's back with a glinting... something thrown overhead. The addition of his weight toppled the cloaked figure, and no matter how much sick worry was boiling in my stomach, I snorted back a laugh. I'd gotten a tenacious fighter this time, huh?
When he regained his feet, the cloaked figure was still bearing his passenger, and something blacker than night swirled over his arm as he drove it into the kid's side. Tearing the chain around his neck free, he spun, kicking the kid so that he toppled, and I reached the archer.
"I'm borrowing this."
Never stopping, I snatched a bow and some arrows from the archer's side. With everything gathered in one hand, I leapt for the cloaked figure, adding something extra to that jump, before the bastard could drive his sword through the kid's heart.
As soon as we hit the ground, I rolled off of my enemy and to my feet. Nocking an arrow, I raised the bow but froze on seeing what lay at my feet.
With the cloaked figure's hood thrown back, the moon could illuminate the features of someone whose presence served as anathema to everything that lay in me.
"Enforcer Teron," I said.
Taking advantage of my distraction, the man jumped to his feet, pulling his hood back up.
"You know my name? How odd," he said. "If you know who I am, why would you attack me like this? You must also know that no norm can stand against me."
But I'd pushed my shock aside. I let my arrow fly, although Teron dodged it, and as he advanced toward me, I switched to bow to my offhand, unsheathing my sword. Our weapons met with the unnatural strength of Teron's swing nearly tearing my sword free.
The bastard meant to overwhelm me with force? Fine. I could play that game.
With every thrust and blow directed my way, I moved just far enough that the tip of Teron's blade kissed the air above my clothes. Teron swung for my head? My hair ruffled as I ducked. Teron jabbed for my heart? A dimple formed in my tunic as I leapt away.
Anything I couldn't avoid, I easily caught on my blade or the bow, spinning free of the attack before Teron could follow through with another, and his inability to land more than glancing hits clearly frustrated him. A persistent growl filled the space between us, and at the noise, I laughed.
I hadn't enjoyed an activity like this in... well. I couldn't remember when the last time had been.
Still. It got me no closer to where I needed to be, and the like to attract me was still lying motionless beside the archer.
So, I let Teron inside my guard, and I let burning heat slash across my back. With my legs numb beneath me, I dropped to the ground, rolling as best I could to face the sky. Prepared to meet a blade, I found only stars overhead while a crunch toward the fallen humans solved the mystery of where Teron had gone.
For a moment, I was helpless to do anything more than listen as his footfalls stopped, but then, I found the strength to stand, seeking the enemy.
Again, Teron hovered over the archer and a dirt-streaked teenager, but this time, he held no sword. This time, he raised his hands to either side, and I gagged as something repellant flooded into the world.
I'd never nocked, aimed and fired an arrow so quickly before. Dropping the bow and sword in favor of a dagger, I chased my projectile's flight. It streaked well ahead of me to bite into Teron's palm, and jerking, the bastard crashed into the tree at his side. The arrow shivered from where it had pinned his hand to bark. Scooping the enemy's blade off the ground, I quickly followed, slamming my dagger through another hand while driving Teron's sword through its master.
Fixed in place, he coughed with blood splashing from his wounds.
"This won't kill me," he gasped.
But I'd already bent to help the humans, running my hands over the kid in search of injuries.
"I'm well aware," I said, "but at the moment, I don't care to do the job properly."
When I pointed at him, an arrow and blade protested the new weight placed on them, and I let loose a sigh. Unfortunately, a squeak came after that, alerting me to the conscious state of someone nearby. Snapping my head toward the noise, I internally groaned at those predictably wide eyes and the cowering demeanor.
"You're a-" the archer began.
"Don't say it," I interrupted. "Not unless you want more like him chasing us."
I jerked my head toward an unconscious Teron, and after a moment, the archer cautiously nodded. Satisfied, I returned to my examination, although the injuries I'd already found on the teenager led me to believe that I only had one course of action available to take.
"Your name?" I asked the archer.
"Aramar," he said. "If I may, why are you-? How did you-?"
I was asked the same questions every time, but this time, they hadn't even been finished.
"I can't tell you how I found you, but I will say that I'm here for him," I said, nodding to the kid I was manhandling. "Gods, I can't save these by conventional means."
"So, you'll help my son?" Aramar asked.
His son. That made sense. From what little I could see of the two, they shared similar features: the plain face and drab hair.
But I should answer his question.
"Of course I will," I said, "even if I'm not sure of who he is anymore."
Because look at him. A click in his lungs with every breath. Bruises everywhere. Hands that would never hold a sword again.
Forget the pull that had dissipated as soon as I'd touched the boy. Forget the ferocity that I'd witnessed when he'd attacked someone clearly above his level. How could a teenager who was already so badly maimed be my ally?
If he was, then the world was doomed.
But when I looked up to ask Aramar for his son's name, the question died in my throat. Behind him stood two previously unseen figures: my twins sneering and smiling at me.
Two? That was impossible! How-?
My constant nuisance stepped into view from behind.
"He is the one you seek," it said. "You must save him."
Just fucking fantastic.
"Please, master p-" Aramar started before catching himself. "Please, sir. Will Raimie be ok?"
And I had a name. Raimie. What a strange one for a human.
Slowly, I lowered my gaze from the impossibility in front of me to a worried father.
"I will do what I can for your son," I said.
When I returned my attention to Raimie, though, I worried that I might be too late. Ducking, I held my ear above the kid's mouth, but no sound was rising from it, and his chest had failed to rise or fall for a while now.
And for the second time in as many days, something stirred in my empty heart.
"Shit," I said.
I'd known one of Raimie's lungs had collapsed. The click in his breathing had near guaranteed it, but a collapsed lung alone shouldn't stop his respiration like this. Maybe something else, something more system-wide, was aiding that condition in killing the kid.
It didn't matter either way. This had a conventional fix, one I'd use, because limiting Raimie's exposure to my other methods would save him trouble in the long run.
So, I extended a hand, knowing that I'd brought a syringe with me from Allanovian. Never mind that a typical me would never bring a fragile piece of equipment like that on such a hurried trip.
As expected, however, a glass tube filled my waiting palm, and I jammed its needle into the kid's side, pulling on the plunger. With pressure relieved on his lung, Raimie took a deep breath and just in time too.
As an energy drain washed over me, I sagged onto my hands, cursing on my head. For a moment, all I could do was breathe, grateful that my action's price hadn't knocked me flat on my back.
I hated godsdamned magic for a reason.
"So, you're also a..."
Aramar trailed off, and I lifted my head to peer at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," I said. "Is that a problem?"
Chuckling, Aramar shook his head.
"Not in the slightest," he said.
At that, I cocked my head. Acceptance wasn't the typical reaction to that revelation.
I couldn't consider it now, though, because now, I must do something I'd sworn I'd never do again. If this kid was to be my ally, we couldn't start this journey with one of us below full faculties, not if we were to succeed, but even with that requirement, it should be ok.
I could keep an eye on one teenager, right? I could keep Raimie safe from any consequences.
Resting a finger on each of his blistered palms, I Let Go, just a little, and with a dimmed flash, the kid's debilitating burns reduced to merely painful ones, injuries that would heal with no lasting effects. As the light vanished, searing heat ripped across my own hands, and I folded them into my lap until the sensation had faded.
"What was that?" Aramar asked. "What did you do?"
Fixing the man in place with my gaze, I said, "I saved your son's life. Now, good sir, you know my greatest secrets. Secrets that could see me killed if they were shared. What will you do with them?"
Aramar appeared conflicted, which I'd expected. Everyone, without fail, despised and feared what I was. Would the fact that I'd saved his son's life overcome that extreme prejudice, and if it wouldn't what would I do about it? I'd prefer to remain as Raimie's anonymous helper for a while longer, but if revealed, I could work with it.
But Aramar deflated, and I knew I wouldn't have to.
"I'll keep your secrets. It's the least I can do. Raimie means everything to me," he said. "May I ask. Now that he's stable, what will you do?"
That was a good question. Obviously, I had to get Raimie away from Teron before the bastard woke up, but what then? Should I keep the kid in the dark or have The Conversation with him now, and if I did share my story, how much of it should I tell? Should I bring Aramar with us? If I didn't, would Raimie react poorly to his father's absence? Most importantly, where should we go first?
I settled on a safe answer, the common theme in all of my considerations.
"I'd like to stay by your son's side until I know whether he's recovered," I said. "If you'll allow it, of course."
Barking a laugh, Aramar said, "Allow it? I'd hoped you'd say that. Oh! I suppose I should thank you for what you've already done, Master...?"
Which of my many names should I give this man? Switching to a new one would be like changing clothes for me, but in the end, I decided to keep it simple.
"Just Rhylix, no Master about it," I said, "and I have no need for your thanks. Anyone with my skill set would have done the same for your son."
Aramar looked doubtful about that, so I hurried on to the next issue we should tackle.
"So. Why were you in Fissid, Master Aramar? Was it your final destination or simply a top on a greater journey?"
Aramar glanced toward the fire, quickly spreading on the other side of the creek, and both he and I winced. So many people...
I was under no illusion that Teron had let the residents of Fissid flee before setting their homes ablaze. I knew what I'd find among those flames if I dared to brave them, and no matter how many times I saw such a sight, it never failed to tear at me, pulling another thread free in my gradual unraveling.
"Fissid would have been where we slept tonight, but that bastard took Raimie from our home before we could leave," Aramar said. "We ran after him, splitting up when we saw a fire on the horizon. I came here, and Eledis headed for Allanovian to get help. That's where I meant to go if I rescued Raimie."
In body and mind, I'd frozen. Eledis. Aramar. Raimie. I knew those names, although a fourth one seemed missing from the list. And they knew about Allanovian.
"How have you heard of my home?" I asked.
I already had a sneaking suspicion about the answer I'd receive, but I needed to hear it anyway.
"You're from Allanovian?" Aramar asked. "What am I thinking? Of course you are, what with the-"
He waved at me and on receiving a pointed glare, gulped.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend," he said.
"You didn't," I said. "My question?"
"Right. Up until nine years ago, my family frequently visited your city," Aramar said. "That's how I know about it."
Which made the two men before me-
"Of the Audish royal family," I said.
The corner of Aramar's mouth twitched.
"Yes?" he drawled.
But again, I'd turned away from the man, centering my glare on my constant nuisance.
"Really?" I hissed. "A bit prominent, don't you think?"
"He is who he is," it said with a shrug.
Is who he... the hell did that mean?
Taking a deep breath, I put the conundrum out of my mind.
"So, we go to Allanovian?" I asked. "Meet the head of your house?"
"He's not the head of my-!" Aramar snapped before sputtering to a stop. "Yes. I think reaching your home would be best."
Throwing my head back, I peered between a tree's branches to the great void beyond.
"Just when I thought I'd gotten free of that place," I said.
After looking Raimie over once more, I rocked to my feet.
Extending Aramar's bow to him, I said, "I'll retrieve my cart. Keep an eye on the Enforcer. He shouldn't wake up before I return, but if he does, can you keep him occupied for a time?"
"I don't..."
Trialing off, Aramar pushed himself upright, precariously balancing in place. After testing whether he could draw the bow from there, he stuck several arrows into the ground at his side.
"I'll do what I can," he said.
"In that case, I'll return soon so I can help you into the cart," I said. "Then, we can leave this wretched place."
With an indignant look, Aramar asked, "What makes you think I'll need your help?"
I gave him time to review what he'd said before crouching to his eye level.
"Master Aramar, I serve Allanovian as the Zrelnach's healer," I said. "I can help you with your... problem once we reach the city, but until then, I need you to work with me."
For a moment, Aramar looked at me with his back straight and his body stiff.
"You are most kind," he eventually said.
Sighing, I rose.
"No," I said. "I'm really not."
As I hurried to complete my assigned task, I poked at the foreign sensations swirling through my empty heart. An ally who would through us into the limelight and claimed two splinters? Such a situation had never happened to me before, and I find the novelty of it... refreshing.
But it also stirred something much more dangerous in me, something I'd discarded years ago. Something that, if trampled once more, would utterly crush me.
Hope.
Chapter 10: When We Met
Raimie
The patter of distant water droplets in a deep quiet was the first thing I registered when I woke up. For a moment, I simply breathed into this hush, wrapped in the pleasant disbelief that I'd survived. Questions were held at bay until I'd finished with this marvel of life that I'd been given.
This took me quite a while as intermingled with my wonder was dread. I remembered everything that had happened, which meant I remembered every consequence spawned from a disastrous afternoon spent in a lovely village, now forever gone.
Alouin, the pain of that would haunt me forever, wouldn't it?
Lifting my hands above my face, I pried my eyes open, squinting until they'd adjusted to the bright light. How badly mangled was I?
When my vision cleared, I frowned.
Bandages coated my hands, blocking my view of the blackened skin surely lying beneath. Someone must have treated my wounds, which made sense. When I'd woken up, debilitating pain hadn't been clawing at me. Instead, there was only an annoying discomfort and a few spots of numbness.
I badly wanted to unwrap those cloth strips so I could see exactly how damaged my hands were in the light of day, but not only was I unsure if I could do that with such limited mobility but it seemed like a bad idea without the permission of the healer who'd placed them. If a healer had done it.
The question of my burns would have to wait, which was fine. I had other matters to address.
Lowering my arms, I blinked, not once tensing, at the two figures that my limbs had been blocking. They were leaning over me from opposite sides, and I could swear concern was radiating from their non-existent faces. Slits split across those faces, letting their typical buzzing pour forth, but I placidly listened to the noise this time, not once motioning for them to stop.
Why wasn't I afraid of them anymore? They'd helped me escape Fissid, sure, but that didn't explain this new trust or the ease I felt in their presences. Rather than monsters, they seemed like long-absent friends. Why such a drastic change?
"You're allies, not enemies," I rasped. "You never meant to hurt me."
I hadn't planned for those statements to be questions, and to most people's ears, they wouldn't sound like that, but the figures huffed as if insulted. One even crossed its arms while the other jiggled as if it were tapping its foot.
They knew me well enough to pick up on my slightest subtleties. How?
"I'm guessing you two plan on sticking around for the foreseeable future," I said.
Again, not truly a question, but from their shaking shoulders and rhythmic buzzing, so like laughter, I got my answer anyway.
"Then, I need to stop calling you 'the figures' in my head. You need names," I said. "I'm sure you already have those, and I'd love to hear them when I can but in the meantime..."
Chewing on my lip, I bounced my gaze between the two before sighing through my nose.
"When in doubt, go simple," I murmured.
Pointing as best I could at the figure of light, I said, "Bright."
And to the shadowed figure, "Dim."
Squealing—their version of chatter—erupted between the two, and wincing, I blocked my ears with cloth-wrapped skin. I opened my mouth to ask for relief from this when their discord cut off unprompted, and the figures... Bright and Dim stiffened.
Struggling to my elbows, I looked for what might have caused the change, half-expecting to see the monster from before bearing down on me, but besides my two anomalies, nothing out of the ordinary surrounded me.
I was lounging on a cot in a rectangle of a cave, one that had been converted into a clinic of some sort. More cots formed a neat line to my right with shelves hanging on the opposite wall, full of supplies. A few items I didn't recognize rested there as well, namely glass tubes with needles jutting out of them.
In addition to that strangeness, the makings of a domicile occupied one corner of the cave. Above this, chunks had been gouged out of the stone, burrowing through it until they reached the outside air. Thin strips of sunlight aided candles and lamps in illuminating the clinic, and on the other side of this rock, water dripped in a steady trickle, the noise that had first woken me up.
This place.... something about it echoed in my head like a shout in a cavern while a sense of familiarity, one that was quickly becoming normal, settled over me.
Much like every time I'd encountered the name Auden. Why-?
My ribs chose this moment to remind me of the harm done to them, and hissing, I collapsed, clutching at their sharp ache. Through watering eyes, I watched Bright loosen from the statue it had become before zipping out of my field of view. Meanwhile, Dim flung itself over me with its buzzing becoming a protective hiss. What the hell were they-?
"Who were you talking to?"
Gasping, I forgot about everything that was wrong with me, leaping from the cot in a spin toward the voice. I reached for the sword at me...
There was no sword at my side. I'd never worn a sword.
Frozen, I could only blink until my mind acknowledged the other person in the clinic. Leaning against a door-sized hole in the wall, a man was watching me with his arms crossed and eyebrows raised.
"You shouldn't be on your feet," he said.
I, however, was much too preoccupied with this stranger's appearance to hear what he'd said. Abnormally tall, he tried to diminish this by hunching his body on itself. A stern expression was carved into his pleasant features, although their current state wasn't helped by how tightly his hair had been pulled back. I noted plain clothes hanging from a limber frame and the fact that Bright had plastered itself to this man, but what sent my thoughts screeching to a stop were the stranger's eyes.
They were gray. Which was impossible.
Clicking his tongue, the man pushed off of the wall, heading toward me, and I scrambled backward, repressing every subdued scream that my body tried to pull out of me.
"Stay back," I said with my voice shaking. "Just stay... Who are you? Where am I? Where's-?"
A cloak billows behind the monster as he lunges into his kick.
Licking my lips, I whispered, "Where's my dad?"
Was he alive? Had that awful monster killed...?
On seeing the expression on my face, the impossible man raised his hands calmingly.
"Aramar is staying with a few friends at the moment," he said. "From what I understand, they had some catching up to do, so I left them to it."
He took a cautious step toward me, but I copied him backward, nearly tumbling over a cot. Straightening from his hunch, the stranger held a hand to his lips with pinched eyes.
"I thought you'd be..." he said. "Huh."
Shaking now, I screwed my eyes shut, fighting to stay on my feet.
"Stop, stop stop! I can't take any more strangeness!" I shouted. "I need something to make sense. Please. Just... tell me what's going on. Who are you?"
My body had nothing more to give, so my knees buckled, but something caught me, taking my elbows to keep me upright. I snapped my eyes open to a view of gray: impossible, couldn't-be-real gray.
"My name is Rhylix, although my friends call me Rhy," the stranger said, "and you are safe, Raimie of the line of Audish kings."
Alouin, I wanted to believe that safety was mine, but Dim's continued hiss at my back and that gray...
That gray I could swear I'd seen before, even though that was imposs-
Why did this place and those eyes seem so familiar, like something from a nightmare?
And I remembered.
The fever started four days after the accident. Right now, it's still addling me, but I'm cognizant enough to understand what the gray-eyed woman is telling my father.
"The malaise has turnsssssssHas to have been induced by soemonesssssssI don't believe she has much of a chancesssssssShould perform the ritual soon if yousssssssMy magic only holdsssssss."
The blob that is my father may have shaken with a sob once she was finished speaking, but it also nods. the world blurs into dreams, and when I wake up again, I climb out of my cot. The cave's stone floor is cool on my bare feet. I stumble through an open doorway.
Empty corridors pass in a haze, but somehow, I find my mother's room. Staring at her sweat-soaked face, I watch the rise and fall of her chest, listening to the mumble of fevered words on her lips.
I must have blacked out again because the next thing I know, someone's hauling me away from the bed, gripping my arms in a vice. My mother's bucking and thrashing on the bed behind me, and several people have surrounded her, holding her in place.
Hands spin me away from this view.
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" my father roars.
I burst into tears.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to knock mama off the rope. I didn't want to die!"
My father's gaze softens, and he pulls me into a hug. In this cave of safety, I sob into his chest.
"There, there, Raimie. It's not your fault."
"Dad?"
I pull free so I can see my father's face.
"Is mama going to die?"
A grim expression tells me everything I need to know. My blubbering resumes while shudders wrack my body. Fever hooks its claws into my mind, and everything fuzzes over.
Chapter 11: Expectations
Raimie
As the memory I'd just re-experienced faded away from me, I stared at a familiar stone ceiling with a frown and my brow furrowed.
'...been here before?' I mouthed before speaking aloud. "The Esela aren't extinct."
A snort answered me while something clattered to the floor.
"Hardly."
After a moment, Rhylix leaned over me with something clutched in his fist.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
I was back on the cot with a blanked pulled over me. How had I gotten here? And...
Glancing to either side, I frowned. Where had Bright and Dim gone?
"Raimie?"
Right. The question.
"I'm fine," I said. "Confused but fine."
"Wonderful! I can check head injuries off of my list, then. I wasn't sure for a moment there."
I winced. My behavior before probably had seemed crazy. For a moment, I'd become like a feral animal.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have exploded on you," I said. "Can I make i tup to you-?"
A crunch interrupted me, which had me whipping my head to Rhylix again. He dug at something in his closed fist before popping it into his mouth. With his brow furrowed, he chewed for a moment before extending what he was holding to me.
"Pistachio? They're pre-shelled. It's the last of my stash from when they last came through the nearby tear," he said. "I've been saving them for a special occasion."
My mouth was gaping open. I knew this, but I couldn't bring myself to close it. What the hell was this man doing?
Grinning, Rhylix jiggled his fist.
"Come on," he said. "You must be hungry."
Hungry was an understatement. Slowly, I lifted a bandaged hand, palm up, and Rhylix shook a few nuts onto it. Now to figure out how I'd get them into my mouth. While that conundrum occupied me, Rhylix walked out of view, presumably to retrieve something.
"You're a strange one, Raimie of the line of Audish kings," he said. "And I don't mean your purported bad behavior from before. The propensity for violence that you showed is normal for me but receiving an apology after the fact? That, I'm unused to."
Dropping a chair to the floor beside my cot, Rhylix plopped into it, leaning his arms and chin on its backrest.
"Also, I wasn't referring to how you reacted to me when I mentioned a head injury," he said. "That was mostly said in jest, although you did pass out for a moment."
I had? Maybe a spot of unconsciousness explained how I'd gotten on the cot again.
"Funny," I said.
Having chased nuts around on my palm this whole time, I gave up, slapping them into my mouth instead. Rhylix watched this with a faint smile, retaining any offers of help, as if he'd known that was what I'd wanted.
Once the snack was gone, he said, "You're taking the revelation of my people's existence rather well, all things considering."
"It's one of the least strange things I've learned recently," I said, meaning it. "How should I be acting?"
"Oh, I don't know."
Making a face, Rhylix clung to the chair's back as he dangled away from it.
"Showering me with disdainful comments like 'gray-eyed bastard'. Looking for a pitchfork. Secretly plotting my death. That sort of thing."
As Rhylix swung forward once more, beaming, I tried to fit his expectations into what I knew of the Esela and came up blank.
"Why would I do anything like that?" I asked. "The Esela are amazing! I loved stories about them growing up. Is- is it true that you can use magic?"
Rhylix's upbeat countenance fell from him like a stone over a cliff.
"Yes. Illusion work, conjuration or summoning, and shape change," he said in a hollow voice. "Please don't ask for a demonstration. I despise Esela magic."
Yes, I could see that.
"Then, I won't," I said. "I was mostly asking because bizarre things have been happening to me lately..."
Why was I sharing this, something that might get me ostracized or killed, with a relative stranger? People weren't accepting of oddities in this part of the world.
"You know what? It doesn't matter. Our world's second race, which I'd thought long-vanished, still exists. I'm glad to know it. Makes me curious about other lost phenomena, such as primeancers and the like," I said, wincing when I thought about what I'd said.
Most people didn't like to talk about the magic wielders from ages ago.
"But I was wondering if we could discuss something else. Namely... where I am and how I'm alive."
The bare minimum of life returned to Rhylix's face, and he cocked his head as if deciding which story to tell. An overabundance of giddiness returned to him as he lifted a finger to twirl it.
"You sit in Allanovian, last haven of the Esela in Ada'ir," he said. "I doubt you've heard of it, seeing as how you believed my people were extinct, but I have to ask..."
At his expectant look, I shook my head.
"I thought not. From what your father told me, your homestead lies outside the radius of our typical trading runs, although..."
Rhylix paused thoughtfully before making a face.
"Never mind about that. Anyway, Allanovian is a city burrowed into a mountain, led by a four-person Council. You'll have to convince them that you're worthy of staying here soon, but we'll get to that in a moment," he said. "As for how you're alive, that answer's simple. I saved you."
Grinning, he stopped as if that explained everything, and if I weren't so tired, I might have gotten up to shake the man.
"Care to elaborate?" I drawled.
Rhylix's smile grew, lengthening until his teeth showed from between his lips.
"No," he said.
"Will you please do so anyway?" I growled.
The smile slipped away, still present but with something infinitely sad behind it now.
"Where should IS tart?" Rhylix quietly asked.
"I don't know!" I said. "I was fighting a monster, trying to save my dad's life, but my story ends there. I must have blacked out."
"You did, but it was understandable, given what was done to you. Honestly, I'm amazed you stayed conscious for as long as you did," Rhylix said, "especially int he face of Teron's famed battle magic."
Teron. I had a name for the monster who'd massacred a town full of people.
"You know this Teron?" I asked.
Shifting in place, Rhylix said, "I know of him. He's fairly famous among the Esela because of his magic. Like I said."
That made sense. In a way. Did that make Teron an Eselan or simply another type of magic wielder? I wouldn't be surprised to learn that other thaumaturges existed.
"So, how did I go from helpless at Teron's feet to lying safely here?" I asked.
Rhylix shrugged, rocking his chin on the back of the chair.
"Luck mostly," he said. "I happened to be near Fissid that night. I happened to catch sight of your fight. I happened to surprise Teron, pinning the bastard to a tree."
A viciously triumphant grin cracked his mask for a moment.
"Then, it was a simple matter of fixing you and your father up, loading you into my cart, and returning to this place," he finished.
"Fixing... us... up," I said. "You're a healer."
Of course he was. Who else randomly showed up to a clinic when they weren't injured?
"Indeed," Rhylix said with a nod.
"Then, can you tell me...?"
Hesitantly, I lifted my hands, unsure if I wanted an answer to my unspoken question.
"Oh, those are fine," Rhylix said, waving away my concern. "Your ribs were of greater concern. They'd pierced one of your lungs, and wasn't that fun to fix?"
Licking my lips, I asked, "So, I'm not...?"
How to finish that question?
"You're whole, Raimie," Rhylix softly said, "and if I have any say in it, you will remain as such."
How did I fight this burn in my eyes? How could I express this growing gratitude?
As my view of the clinic misted over, I said, "Thank you. For saving my life. For helping me when you could just as easily have avoided danger. I am in your debt."
Pursing his lips, Rhylix examined me for a moment.
"Don't do that," he eventually said. "Never place yourself under someone's sway, especially not a stranger. You hardly know me.
"I know you well enough," I retorted. "No one with evil in their heart goes out of their way to help someone like you did."
Rhylix looked like he wanted to protest, so I continued to my next concern, never giving him a chance to speak.
"How's my dad?" I asked. "The last bit of his fight didn't look good."
"Aramar is alive," Rhylix said with a sigh. "I'm sure he'll come see you soon. Him and Eledis."
Fatigue fell from me as I shot upright.
"Eledis is here?" I asked.
Rhylix straightened in his chair, making a face as he did so.
"Unfortunately," he said. "He and the Council have been screaming at one another for hours. It's put Allanovian into an uproar."
Why was Eledis here? I hadn't seen him in Fissid. How had he known to come here if he hadn't followed Rhylix, and... where was here, relative to Fissid? How far had I been dragged from home? Most importantly, though-
"How long was I out?" I asked. "Also, you mentioned your Council before. Something about proving myself to them?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," Rhylix sighed.
He rubbed his face. Repeatedly. Almost as if he was delaying with his response.
"In answer to your first question, you've been asleep for about a day," he said through his hands. "It's nearly sundown once more."
Damn. I'd lost a lot of time. If I'd slept for so long, though, why was I still fatigued? Was it merely due to my weeks-long sleep debt, accrued from before this fiasco began, or did my body really need that much rest to heal?
Speaking of fatigue.
Swaying in place, I considered how I'd get my head on a pillow once more, and pulling his hands away from his face, Rhylix clicked his tongue, rising to help me.
"Maybe we should wait on the Council business for now-" he started.
"No. Please, don't," I interrupted. "I hate having things hanging over my head, and with the way you're acting, this thing seems like it'll be bad for me. So, just tell me what it is."
Slumping, Rhylix said, "Ok."
Flipping his chair around, he sank into it, crossing his legs and folding his hands on his knee.
"So you know, your attitude toward the Esela isn't typical for humans. Usually, our world's primary race treats my people with nothing but hostility," he said. "This conduct has fostered a certain stance among Allanovian's citizens, namely one of disdain for humans. Some here believe you're nothing more than scum in need of scouring from the earth, the idiots.
"Very few of your race are allowed into this village, and when one is, they're forbidden from carrying weapons and must follow a strict set of rules. Even rarer is when one of you can so clearly display your worth that Allanovian considers you of equal status. This demanding accomplishment is what you must achieve once you've healed."
Was Rhylix serious? I was enjoying the 'hospitality' of people who didn't think I was a person. How was that possible?
The Eselan looked at me as if expecting an answer, but I didn't know what to say. Should I share that I didn't give a damn what Allanovian's people thought of me? That I understood, in part, how subjugation could turn the oppressed against the oppressor?
"I have two questions," I eventually said. "First of all, why? Why would I care to impress people who act as you've described? If they need payment for what they've provided, then I'll give it in whatever way I can, but then, I mean to leave. I don't need anything found in Allanovian. I don't think."
"You'll need the village's warriors," Rhylix said with amusement. "The Zrelnach are considered the most elite fighting force on this side of the Narrow Sea. Could be useful to you, yes?"
Frowning, I asked, "Why would I need that?"
The look on Rhylix's face gave me pause. Bewilderment quickly gave way to an interesting mix of pity and muted fury.
"Don't you know your role yet, Shadowsteal's keeper?" he said. "Surely someone's explained it to you by now."
Role? What was he talking...?
Oh.
"Do you mean the one where I'm supposed to stop an evil overlord because a foretelling says so? A little trite, don't you think?" is aid. "How do you know about Shadowsteal or who my family is? Did dad share?"
Without a word, Rhylix stared at me until I had to shift my gaze away, squirming.
"You're not taking this seriously."
Tensing, I flattened my body into the cot. Something had lain in the other man's voice, something dangerous and barely contained. Even still, I spoke what had been on my mind since stumbling into a light-filled clearing, keeping each of my words calm. Controlled.
"I don't know how to handle what's happened recently. From my point of view, I learned that I'm from a displaced royal line a few hours ago while the days between were spent in various states of consciousness. I'm still deciding whether I believe what my family has claimed, so of course I'm reacting to it like I do with every stressor: with flippancy
"How I'm acting and speaking, however, don't mean I'm ignoring the seriousness of my family's proposed course of action. I have every intention of doing as they say until I can decide what I think about their claim, but don't expect me to be rational, forward thinking, or put together right now. I'm- I'm barely-"
Since finding Shadowsteal, I'd focused solely on each moment because if I looked at the big picture—everyoneinFissidwasdead—I might fly to pieces. I'd nearly reached that state now. Only slow and steady breathing was holding me together.
"Ok."
Slowly, I turned to Rhylix, and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, nodding at me.
"I shouldn't have pushed you like that. I'm sorry," he said, "and I'll do everything I can to help you through the next few days.
"Why would you go out of your way for me?" I asked.
Shrugging, Rhylix said, "Because you need the help. But you had two questions, yes? So, what's the second one?"
In the moment's tension, I'd almost forgotten about our original subject. What else had I wanted to know?
"How do I impress Allanovian's Council?" I asked.
"Unfortunately, you only have one way to gain their approval," Rhylix said. "You must undertake the Zrelnach trials."
Zrelnach... trials? As in the elite warriors he'd mentioned? As in an initiation rite of some sort?
"I do what now?" I squeaked. "Have you seen me, Rhy? I'm not a fighter."
A pained expression crossed Rhylix's face before he cocked his head with amusement blooming in its place.
"Perhaps you don't know what you're capable of," he said. "But we can discuss this in the morning. You need rest, and I'm late for a... meeting."
I didn't want to wait until morning, not with anxiety buzzing under my skin, but my body was protesting how long I'd stayed awake.
One problem lay in any of my attempts to fall asleep, though.
"I don't suppose you have a fancy tincture that'll keep me from dreaming, do you?" I asked. "I have... nightmares."
"I know."
After fiddling in a pocket, Rhylix offered a withdrawn vial to me.
"You mumbled and thrashed something fierce while on the way here. Aramar had to hold you down so you wouldn't worsen your injuries."
Flushing, I accepted the tincture.
"I'm sorry to have caused trouble," I said, fidgeting with the vial. "Will you tell my dad I'd like to see him? if you run across him, I mean."
We should talk.
"I'll let him know you've returned to us," Rhylix said with a smile. "Now, take your medicine, Raimie."
Downing it as bidden, I gagged at its awful taste before returning the emptied vial to Rhylix. While he rose from the chair, I struggled to lift the weights that were already dragging my eyelids down. As I lost this fight, Bright flickered into existence with its hum filling the air, but—
"No! Do not leave me-!" a familiar voice called in my head.
—what words might have formed in its buzz were wiped out by a glorious lack of dreams.
Chapter 12: Facing the Tribunal
Rhylix
I'm the one who pushed you toward our lives' destruction.
The human boy's body slackened into sleep, and I watched the first rise and fall of his chest with thin lips.
"You like this one," my constant nuisance said at my side.
"Perhaps."
I had yet to determine the answer to that question. It had been ages since my barren heart had held the capacity for even the most basic of connections, but Raimie had come close to nudging me into it. He was so earnest and in some ways, untouched by the world's evils, so lost in the face of his life's upheaval, but he also... wasn't.
I'd seen coiled violence in Raimie when we'd fist met. For a moment, the teenager's eyes had unfocused, and he'd looked like every experienced fighter I'd ever met.
"I don't know whether I should be horrified or pleased that your ally has made an impression this time."
Sinking onto the cot, my constant nuisance played its fingers in the air above Raimie's face.
"This one's fascinating," it said. "It's been centuries since I've encountered someone who's yet to pick a side."
"I saw your counterparts hovering over him earlier," I said, crossing my arms. "One of yours and one of theirs together. Shouldn't that be impossible?"
"Not as much as you might think," my constant nuisance said. "Don't you have a 'meeting' to attend?"
Well, that had clearly been a brush-off. Clicking my tongue, I spun in place, leaving the nuisance sitting beside Raimie. At my clinic's entrance, a Zrelnach trainee was shifting from foot to foot, and as I approached, his relief was palpable.
"Thank you for letting me finish here," I said.
"it was the least I could do," Dath said. "Is that the human?"
He peered into the clinic with sick fascination in his eyes.
"His name is Raimie," I said, "and yes."
As I started down the hall, I made sure to stare straight at today's shadow when I passed her. What was the point of feigning ignorance now? They knew that I was aware of their watching eyes. They had to, now that I'd snuck past them not only when I'd left Allanovian but also twice upon returning, once with Raimie and once with Aramar. They'd only noticed my intrusion with the older man, and only Aramar's mention of Gistrick, his friend among the Zrelnach, had saved his life in that tense moment.
I'd been wary of leaving someone who knew my greatest secrets with Allanovian's elite warriors. If Aramar decided to blab, fighting my way to freedom through the Zrelnach would be irritating, but at the moment of his departure, I couldn't think of a reason for him to stay at my side. I'd have to trust in his gratitude, the only thing keeping him quiet.
Maybe if I hadn't been so exhausted, I could have kept Aramar with me, but I was going on...
Frowning, I counted on my fingers. The daylight hours after leaving Allanovian. The night to complete my work outside of Fissid. Making the return trip. From morning until halfway through the afternoon, getting my human companions into the village. The rest of the evening, spent explaining what I'd done while waiting for Raimie to wake up. The teenager had done that as the sun had been setting, which meant...
A day and a half. I'd been awake for a day and a half, and my lack of sleep had begun to affect me, which wasn't good considering what I was headed to do.
"Um... Rhylix?" Dath said at my back. "You missed the entrance."
Stopping short, I took note of my surroundings while vigorously shaking my head.
"So I have," I said. "Thank you, trainee."
"No problem," Dath said.
He flashed me a toothy grin, which made me pause before entering.
"Why did they send you to fetch me, I wonder?" I said.
"I imagine it had something to do with this—"
Dath waved his splinted arm in the air.
"—and the fact that I'm the only person you've warmed up to in years."
They thought I'd made friends with this boy?
In a way, it made sense. I'd shared drinks with him and treated an injury that his instructors would have made him suffer through. To others, it probably looked like I'd become friendly with Dath, but I hadn't. I'd only done what had seemed right in each moment.
"I see," I said.
How could I divest myself o this boy before he got hurt?
"I was wondering if I might ask for a favor," Dath blurted.
Raising an eyebrow, I said, "You can always ask."
Dath squirmed in place, which had me tapping my finger against my thigh, but the trainee gathered his courage soon enough.
"My instructors told me about you. I never would have guessed..."
At my glare, Dath gulped.
"Will you please let me fight you?" he squeaked.
Predictable. Fight came easily to the eager, the quick-tempered, and the young. Those yet to be disillusioned.
This would, however, be an effective means of distancing Dath before I left. He'd want to train before our proposed fight.
"Why not?" I said. "But only after your arm heals."
"Yes!" Dath yelped. "Thank you!"
"It's nothing."
It truly wasn't.
"May I enter now?"
"Oh, right. I forgot why we're here," Dath said. "Good luck in there, Rhy."
And I tensed.
-lix. It was Rhylix. Why had people been insisting on shortening my name today?
"Hopefully, I won't need luck," I said.
Striding down the corridor we'd been standing beside, I soon entered the chamber at its end, and after reading the room's mood, I internally winced.
Oh, I was fucked. I'd expected they'd be upset but this...
Four people were waiting for me here, the varied members of Allanovian's Council. Ferin, my only ally, gave me a weak smile from the corner she was slouched in, and I returned it as best I could, ignoring the other three.
Shafoth, the Councilman in charge of feeding Allanovian, remained a relative unknown to me, as he'd been appointed to the position last year, but the man's previous decisions had trended more logical in nature, which might benefit me. I'd see soon enough.
The other two hated me, each for his own reason. Hemly, who oversaw the care of Allanovian's youths, blamed me for the disgrace of his cousin, the last Zrelnach commander. Yrit, Allanovian's arbitrator and treasurer, loathed me because I came from outside the city, a dislike that applied to anything that lay beyond these stone walls.
These men stood in a loose circle, chatting when I arrived, but as I took my position in front of them, they fell silent. The Council, including Ferin, seemed intent on ruining my ease, staring at me with not a word spoken.
Did they think I'd lose my patience and cause a scene? If so, I couldn't blame them for that. A short temper had been part of the persona that I'd presented in this city, but that presentation wasn't me, merely another layer in my mask. One they'd stripped away.
I wished they'd get on with this, though. Before Raimie woke up again, I'd like to get some sleep of my own, and more chores besides attending to the Council's pleasure awaited me before I could partake in that indulgence.
With fatigue eating at me, I rocked back on my heels, distractedly humming under my breath. Would my constant nuisance keep watch over Raimie until I could return? Already, that teenager seemed to attract trouble, and I wasn't comfortable with leaving him alone yet. I wouldn't be comfortable with that until after I'd assessed his capabilities.
"I'm sorry. Do you not understand why you're here?" Yrit snapped. "Troublesome brat that you are, you should be well acquainted with what we do in this room."
Cutting my hum off, I looked about the plain chamber and sighed.
"I have stood here often enough, haven't I?" I said.
Before Yrit could snap at me again, Ferin left her corner to join the men.
"Why don't you tell us what happened, Rhy?" she asked.
They didn't already know? It seemed obvious to me.
Maybe they hadn't questioned Aramar yet, though, or perhaps Ferin was hoping the details that only I could provide would help excuse my behavior. I sincerely doubted that would happen, but what harm was there in talking?
"I've been getting restless lately," I said with a shrug.
Technically true.
"Even years since I arrived here, I haven't gotten used to Allanovian's enclosed confines. As always when this happens, whether you know about it or not, I set out to spend time under an open sky, but I traveled a bit further than I usually do yesterday.
"Seeing flames on the horizon, I decided to investigate. With it being dry season, I was worried that the fire might rage long enough to reach Allanovian's forest.
"When I reached Fissid, I found the fire constrained by a surprisingly full creek. I also found the two humans that I brought back with me. With both badly injured, I thought returning to Allanovian would be best. Here, I'd have full access to my supplies, meaning I wouldn't need to rely on magic to heal them."
"You did this, fully aware of our policy about the inferior race?" Hemly snarled. "You've polluted Allanovian with their presences!"
I hadn't been finished with my tale, but this interruption might help my case more than the rest of what I'd meant to say.
Cocking my head, I asked, "How?"
"How?" Yrit sputtered. "You brought humans into our midst, spreading their filth through this city!"
"As far as I was aware, these humans have visited Allanovian before with nothing to stop them from doing it again," I said, "or has the Audish royal family's open invitation here been rescinded?"
Yrit worked his jaw while Shafoth chuckled at his side.
"So, you've learned who they are, have you?" he said.
"With the village in an uproar over Eledis' arrival, it was hard not to," I said. "Am I wrong about their right to be here?"
"No."
Crossing her arms, Ferin watched me with an unreadable expression.
"Of all the humans in Ada'ir, this nations King or Queen and the Audish royals have always had leave to walk down our halls," she said.
"Because of a promise our ancestors made generations ago!" Hemly protested. "Surely they can't expect us to honor that promise three centuries later."
"Yes. They can."
As I'd spoken, each of my words had been coolly bitten off, which had the Council members jerking back toward me.
"The only reason you're here instead of suffering under Doldimar's reign is because of that family," I continued. "You owe your very existence to them."
At that, Hemly bristled as if to speak, but Shafoth cut him off.
"He's right," he said. "Auden's last king brought our ancestors with him when he fled his kingdom. He could have left them there."
"That doesn't mean we have to uphold a promise made-!"
"We can discuss it later," Ferin snapped. "Let's get on with our business. Rhy has provided a reasonable explanation for the crime you lot would accuse him of. Do we have any other reason to keep him from his duties?"
"We have plenty of them," Yrit growled. "This... man has admitted to leaving Allanovian without supervision, breaking an agreement he made with us and therefore breaking our laws. We should strip him of his healer status and put him to work on runs to the tear!"
""Technically, I broke neither your laws nor our agreement," I interrupted before Yrit could start frothing at the mouth in anger.
I glanced at the Council members over an examination of my fingernails.
"I promised to repay this community for everything you've given me, and I've done so through my efforts to keep your warriors in good health. I never said that I would stay in the village while doing that," I said. "I've endured your paranoia, ignoring the Zrelnach you've sent to monitor me over the years, and honestly? Having them looking over my shoulder hasn't been a bother. Don't, however, insult me by claiming that I haven't kept to a promise that I never made.
"As for your laws, I have always tried to respect them but remember. In my time here, I've never become a citizen of Allanovian. My loyalty has and always will be with my home. So, yes. I follow every rule and custom that you've laid down but only up to the point that they conflict with my home's safety.
"I understand your need for a scapegoat right now, though. To keep the city's populace appeased, you need someone to blame for the recent uproar. I can be that for you. I'll take whatever punishment it needed to calm them down, so long as you remember that not only will it be a pretense but I'll be going with the humans when they eventually leave these halls."
"Leaving?" Yrit sputtered. "So, you mean to break your promise regardless?"
I took a calming breath. Why did this man always stoke my temper? That he affected me was annoying, and yet, I was grateful for the proof that something could stir my emptiness, even if it wasn't eh most pleasant of sensations.
As I cooled off, I summoned the words I'd need to soothe a stubborn bastard, but someone else beat me to it.
"He's given us eight years of service as a healer," Shafoth said. "That's almost a third of your life, is it not?"
With my lips curling, I said, "Something like that, Councilman."
Nodding, Shafoth faced the others.
"Such a length of time is more than enough payment for what Allanovian once provide, something that if we're to believe the reports, Rhylix never needed," he said. "We should take what he's offered and leave it be. Too many crises demand our attention to waste more time here."
Under his withering glare, Yrit and Hemly reluctantly nodded, all while Ferin grinned. She would enjoy this berating of two people she'd long considered her enemies.
"Rhylix, the Council would request that you remain within Allanovian's walls until this situation is resolved," Shafoth continued. "Acceptable?"
Bowing, I said, "As the Council decrees."
I caught Ferin's eyeroll as I rose.
"Get out of here, Rhy," she said with a chuckle. "I'll swing by with our pronouncement when I can."
"I look forward to it," I said.
Almost as much as I anticipated leaving this room. When it lay far behind me, I leaned against a wall, gritting my teeth.
Fuck politics. It and magic could dive straight into the void.
Shaking myself, I straightened, working to shuck exhaustion from me with a brisk stride. I had chores to complete before I could sleep.
Chapter 13: Last Minute Errands
Rhylix
And others, in their hate, took advantage of our weakness.
Visiting Salna was always a trial and a pleasure. On the one hand, the smith was one of the only people in Allanovian who treated me as if I weren't a pariah, letting me use her forge when I liked. On the other, she was a stubborn woman, and it was impossible to change her mind once she'd made it up.
Which was why I approached her shop with trepidation. She was sure to know why I'd come as soon as she saw me, so would my first steps into this place herald an argument or an animated discussion?
No one was in the front end of her shop. Through an opening in the wall, I heard the clang of a hammer on metal and smiled. Salna was always in a better mood after she'd been working.
I rang a bell on the counter as loudly as I could, waiting while the clashes in the back fell silent. After a moment, the smith ambled into view, wiping sweat from the back of her neck. On noticing me, she spread her arms wide.
"Rhylix! It's good to see you!" she boomed. "Are you here about the sword?"
See? She'd already guessed what I wanted.
"You know me well, Salna," I said. "Will you take the job?"
Grinning, Salna jerked her thumb over her shoulder.
"I already have," she said. "Thought you'd want a hand and a half blade to match Shadowsteal. Was I right?"
Why was I not surprised that she'd already gotten a look at that legendary blade?
Shrugging, I said, "I'd like it as close to Shadowsteal as you can get it. Raimie won't always be able to use the sword, and when he has to fight with another blade, I'd rather if he wasn't tripped up by a difference in length or weight."
Salna turned wistful.
"I can't believe I'm making a sword for that boy," she said. "Time was... well. Time was."
I gave her a moment to compose herself, even curious as I was about how she might know Raimie.
"When can I expect it finished?" I eventually asked.
"Hmm?"
Jerking her head up, Salna flapped a hand at me.
"It'll be done before you need it; don't you worry," she said. "If I were to guess, though, I'd say a week. Maybe. it's become my top priority, but I won't lower the quality of my work because we're short on time."
"Nor would I ask you to," I said. "A week should be fine."
"Do you have any requests for its name?" Salna asked.
I paused, narrowing my eyes.
"You want to name this sword?" I asked. "Do you want to bring its future bearers bad luck?"
"Don't be silly. I'd never wish such a thing on anyone," Salna said, "but it will belong to a king. It needs a name."
Making a face, I said, "Fine, but you have to choose it. I want nothing to do with cursing a sword."
"I'm thinking... Silverblade," Salna said. "Or something like that. Sound good?"
Rubbing my eyes, I released a long sigh.
"Salna, I just said I don't want anything to do with it," I said. "Now, here's your payment. I hope it helps with your back."
After digging in my cloak's pockets, I set several containers on the countertop, and Salna descended on them like an addict would on a drug of choice.
"Thank you, Rhylix," she said. "I don't know what I'd do without these salves."
With a strained smile, I said, "You're welcome. I'll see you in a week."
Patting the woman's hand, I stalked out of her shop. If I had the time, I should make more of that salve so Salna would have a stockpile when I left. If I had time...
As a broken chuckle burst from me, I hurried along. One more errand and I could go home. With trudging feet and a slight wobble, I took a path long abandoned, eventually turning down a corridor that I hadn't walked in eight years.
With sleep roaring my name, I could almost ignore the whispers rising behind me and the hostile stares directed my way. I'd expected a reaction like this, though, which made it easier to let the Zrelnach's loathing slide off my back.
What else was I supposed to do? Stay away from their quarters when the man I must meet was here?
At least with night having fallen, less warriors populated the corridors outside their rooms than normal, and I didn't need to invade their sanctuary too much. I followed laughter and the sounds of conversation to a narrow entrance, and when my shadow darkened the room behind it, silence fell while the three people inside threw sour looks at me.
"Good evening, gentlemen," I said.
With a huff, the man closest to the door—I couldn't remember his name for the life of me—strode into the corridor, roughly brushing me as he passed. This left two behind.
One of them was lounging on the bed. Bits of a metal ring peeked from beneath his tunic's hem, and noticing my eyes on that, he tugged the cloth down.
I didn't know why he'd done that. I'd gotten the damn thing in place earlier.
The other man leaned against a wall, crossing his arm across his chest. A bandage wrapped his shoulder where a second limb should go, and on viewing the two, I fought to keep from pinching my nose.
"You shouldn't be on your feet," I said to the man wrapped in black leather.
"I know. We were waiting for a cot so both of us can rest," Gistrick said. "Can I help you, Rhylix?"
"I was hoping to speak with my patient," I answered. "Privately, if possible."
With air hissing between his teeth, Gistrick looked to the other man for advice, and Aramar inclined his head. Pushing off the wall, Gistrick made to leave, but he paused as he passed me.
"Thank you for saving my life," he stiffly said.
"I wish I could have done more."
Clicking his tongue, Gistrick strode out of view, and for a moment, I merely watched Aramar fidget, perfectly aware of the tension in the air. When he looked uncomfortable enough, I glided into Gistrick's room, squeezing between the bed's foot and a wall. Once I'd settled in the corner opposite the room's entrance, I waved at Aramar's waistline.
"How are you adjusting to it?" I asked.
Aramar snapped his eyes to slits.
"Slowly," he answered. "Why are you here? Has something happened with Raimie?"
"Overall, he's fine. We'll get to him in a moment," I said. "Right now, you, not your son, are my patient, so I need to know if you're having any problems. Integration can be a tricky process."
Looking away, Aramar said, "There've been some twinges when I move, but I can handle that."
"Still. I'd like to look at it the next time you come to my clinic," I said. "You can visit Raimie while you're there."
Aramar curled his fingers into the blanket.
"He's awake, then?" he asked.
"Awake and extremely confused. I haven't seen someone as lost as him in ages. He could use an explanation from his father," I said, "as I'd like one about him at some point. He acted oddly in my clinic and those nightmares while on the way here..."
Flinching, Aramar said, "He's always had those, although they've gotten worse since his mother died. As for his behavior, he's never been normal."
Pursing my lips, I examined the man cringing in front of me. That explanation had sounded like a brush-off. Perhaps something more lay in what I'd asked about, but I couldn't explore it further. I'd pushed hard enough for now.
"I gave him a tincture to help him sleep, and with my oversight, he should be prepared for his trials within the next week," I said. "On that note, I'd ask that you withhold the news of what's happened to you, at least until after he's completed them."
Aramar whipped his gaze to me, leveling a glare.
"Of course I'm not telling him yet," he growled. "I remember my own trials perfectly well. He doesn't need anything to distract him."
Smirking, I said, "Forgive me. I had to know whether your years of sedentary living had dulled the legendary Aramar I've heard about."
"I'm as sharp as I've ever been," Aramar grumbled.
"Yes. I saw glimpses of that when you fought Teron," I said. "I have to ask. Did your talent rub off on your son? How likely is he to pass his trials? He seems tenacious enough for it."
A smile quirked Aramar's lips.
"Raimie will be fine," was all he'd say on the matter.
After a moment, I jerked my head in a nod, straightening as if to leave, but I made no move toward the entrance.
"I'm alive," I said. "I take that to mean you've kept my secret."
Aramar pulled his lips into a flat line.
"I told you I would," he said. "I don't go back on my word."
"I didn't think that would happen," I said. "I had to check anyway."
Cocking my head, I stared at Aramar, the first to learn this particular secret in a while. I could live in fear of him retracting his promise or...
Scanning him from head to foot, I sighed before sinking onto the foot of the bed.
"I know you don't trust me, and I can't blame you for it," I said. "Not only am I a stranger but I'm a... you know what. Given that, I'll understand if you don't want to answer me, but besides everything else, I am a healer. I have to ensure my patient's wellbeing, in every capacity.
"So, how are you, Aramar? In the last few days, you've lost more than anyone should and learned that your son is the subject of a foretelling.
"I know you're not ok. I suppose... I suppose I'm saying that if you need someone to talk to, I'm willing to listen."
I didn't think he'd take me up on the offer, especially given the role he'd held in Allanovian before retreating to the woods. So, when he turned aside with his fingers almost tearing through his tunic, I started getting up to leave.
"I trained my whole life to fulfill that blasted foretelling."
Frozen in place, I felt my mouth gaping as a red-faced man spilled his turmoil onto an unknown.
"I did my damnedest to be worthy of it because I wanted to make my dad and Eledis proud," Aramar said. "So, a part of me is sickeningly jealous of my son, and that kills me. Especially... especially...
"Alouin! His life's already been difficult enough. Have you read the foretellings about him? I know looking into the future rarely yields exact results but...
"Damn! I just wanted him... wanted us to have a quiet life. To live out our days in an empty corner of the world and hopefully, end our cursed family line with him. How... why did this happen? Why my son?"
Wet eyes begged me for an answer, and I had so many empty platitudes I could give, so many ways to cultivate a potential ally, but when I met Aramar's gaze, something ripped that plan to shreds. The stirrings my heart had experienced over the last few days decided they'd had enough of my placidity. They squeezed my chest, hard enough that I couldn't breathe, and only truth could emerge from my closed-off throat.
"Life is a bitch," I said. "She's always throwing challenges at you, expecting you to trip, and when you don't, she brings them on more quickly until all you can do is fall."
This was truth, and from his drooping head, Aramar must know it. It wasn't the whole truth, though.
"The great thing about being alive, however, is that when life sends you skidding across the ground, you can get back up and spit blood in her face," I continued. "Persist long enough with this refusal to surrender, and life will impart a gift to you rather than a challenge.
"Finding a love so deep that your core aches when you're not with them. Swapping stories with friends as close to you as brothers. The birth of a child whose significance might one day eclipse your own. In my humble opinion, these glorious moments in life far overshadow the times when she makes you fall.
"I don't know why Raimie is a foretold child or why you've lost all that you have, Aramar. I can't tell you why life is the way it is, but I know that if you rise from this, something wonderful awaits you. You just have to fight for it."
Tears threatened to fall from Aramar's eyes, and sniffing, he rubbed them away.
"You're wise for someone so young," he said.
I managed to wrangle my manic giggles under control before Aramar lowered his hands.
"Thank you," he said. "I wasn't sure about sharing my troubles with you, but I'm glad I did."
"Any time."
Slapping my knees, I got to my feet.
"I expect to see you in my clinic-"
Someone burst into the room, catching his stumble on the bed with a single arm.
"You need to come with me," Gistrick gasped, fixing his eyes on Aramar.
"What? Why-?"
"It's Raimie," Gistrick said. "He got in a fight. With a Zrelnach."
Cursing, Aramar lifted a hand for help to his feet while I slapped a palm to my face, groaning. This ally was going to kill me.
Chapter 14: Unpleasant First Encounters
Raimie
I wasn't sure what woke me up. Save for the occasional spatter of water outside, Rhylix's clinic was silent as the grave, and yet, a frustrated scream was ringing in my ears. In my head.
And I could swear that I knew this voice. Listening to its noiseless echoes, I wondered why I felt different, why that voice made me...
Whole.
The sense of wrong ever hovering over me wavered while a trickle filled the hole inside, but when that bouncing shout faded, what I'd known for my entire life snapped back into place, and I whimpered. Alouin, for a moment there... for a moment...
I couldn't stay here.
After struggling to my feet, I glanced through the cave’s slotted windows, frowning when I saw distant stars over a darkened forest. Had I slept through the day again, or had that silent scream overcome Rhylix’s tincture?
That silent scream...
Spinning on my heel, I tottered toward the clinic’s exit. A hall lay beyond it, and using its wall as a support, I slowly made my way forward, out of breath when I reached the end.
Damn, but I was drained. Maybe I should have stayed in bed, but if I had, I’d have tossed and turned while trying to sleep. I’d eventually have lain awake thinking about the scream in my head. Thinking about a brush with a sense of completion. Thinking about how… wrong, broken, torn, wrong, INCOMPLETE-
Gasping, I turned onto the next corridor. I hadn’t gnawed at the emptiness inside of me for years, learning to ignore it through trial and error. Learning how to keep its existence a secret the hard way.
And every time it shoved its way into my awareness, I’d looked at it and known something should go there.
But I didn’t know what that could be, and I doubted I ever would. So, as I’d done every time this had happened in the past, I ran from it. Or stumbled in this case.
Soon enough, Esela started filling the warren around me, and I forced myself to focus on the strangeness of their existence rather than other things. Every new color combination in their hair tugged at my jaw, trying to make my mouth gape.
Years before, I’d read a text that had discussed how the pigment typically found in a human’s eyes was leeched into an Eselan’s hair, leaving gray behind, but while I’d believed the story, the embodiment of it didn’t match what I’d visualized.
So, I stared, but my rudeness didn’t bother me as much as it normally might because the Esela returned my attention just as avidly. Several stopped short when they spotted me, continuing to stare as I passed, and I wondered if they did that out of alarm for having a human walk down their halls or concern over my shambling state.
At the next corridor’s crossing, I encountered an Eselan wrapped in leather armor, leaning in a corner. Other Allanovian citizens kept a respectful distance from her, but for some reason, I felt drawn to this stranger, which was strange. She looked like a warrior or someone equally as hardened, someone I’d normally avoid, but still, comfort bloomed in me the closer I came to her. For her part, she merely watched me approach with a raised eyebrow.
“Hello. I hoped you could help me,” I said. “I’m looking for my father or maybe Eledis. They’d be the only other humans here. Do you know where they are?”
The Eselan woman merely stared at me, giving no indication that she’d understood what I’d said.
“Look. I know your people don’t like humans, and you have every right not to. We can be pretty awful at times,” I said, trying again. “I’ll return to Rhylix’s clinic as soon as I find my family. I need to speak with them. So, if you know where one of them is, would you kindly tell me? You don’t have to speak, just point me in the right direction.”
For a moment, I thought she’d remain an immobile statue, but she removed one arm from their fold to point down a hall.
“My thanks,” I said.
I bowed as low to her as I could before shuffling in the indicated direction, hissing all the while. After getting further down the hall, I tripped into a wall, leaning my weight into it as I panted.
This was bad. I didn’t know if I could make it back to the clinic without help. Hopefully, my father was nearby, otherwise-
“What are you doing here?”
Wincing at that high-pitched yelp, I looked for its source, finding it in a young man about my age. He was wearing black leather like the woman from before, although his set of armor was missing a few pieces, and one of his arms had been splinted, hanging in a sling.
Broken? Had Rhylix treated it?
Before now, I hadn’t been sure how fury’s heat could shine through an Eselan’s colorless eyes, but I learned how it was done with this boy. Pressing myself further into the wall, I tentatively smiled at him.
“I’m looking for my family,” I said. “I’m sorry. Who are you?”
“None of your business, human,” the Eselan spat.
They truly didn’t like my kind here.
“Ok. How can I help you, mysterious stranger?” I asked.
Gritting his teeth, the Eselan hissed, “You can go back to where you belong.”
“I’d love to,” I said, “but I’ll need help with returning to the clinic. Would you lend me your aid?”
That had been a minor provocation, and I knew it, but I couldn’t stand it when people let preconceived notions color their vision. It drove. me. up. a. wall. Seeing it in the woman hadn’t been so bad because she’d eventually helped me, as any decent person would, but this boy was acting like he’d heap nothing but derision onto me.
“I meant,” the Eselan slowly said, curling his hands into fists, “that you should return to whatever filthy corner of the world you crawled out of.”
“Hey! The forests bordering Ratchav aren’t… well. I suppose they are rather dirty by nature, aren’t they?”
Chuckling, I gleefully watched the boy redden. For a moment, I thought he’d attack me, but after taking a calming breath, he spun to storm away, and that might have been the end of it if I hadn’t heard him mumbling under his breath as he passed.
“Alouin damned humans with their Alouin damned social conventions. I bet it came from Fissid. Only that waste of a town-”
And my exhaustion fell away from me.
Straightening from the wall, I yelled, “Fissid was not a waste. Its people were kind and generous and… they didn’t deserve to die!”
The boy stopped, slowly turning, with the taunting grin that I’d previously worn transferred to his lips.
“That’s right. You were there when it burned to the ground,” he said. “You probably know how the fire started, don’t you?”
When I flinched, the boy rested his fingertips on his mouth.
“Oh ho, you do! Tell me what happened. Did one of the cockroach humans light a blaze too close to drying grass? Did one of them knock a lantern over, an idiotic mistake that killed everyone it knew?” he asked. “Or maybe you had something to do with it. Oh, that has to be it, doesn’t it? Did you kill all of those humans-?”
I’d been trying not to lose my temper. I’d gripped its trailing end with a persistence I hadn’t known I possessed, digging my heels in, but as this boy had spoken of people I’d once known, their faces had flashed into my mind’s eye.
Teron cut Arabella’s throat again. She fell into the dirt again, and her blood stained it.
And I lost my hold.
I didn’t scream or yell. I didn’t throw a punch. White hot fury ate through my thoughts, through me, and everything I was became instinct.
Chopping at the boy, I drove him into a wall, rolling to press my forearm into his neck. I pressed down, cutting off his air supply , but the Eselan didn’t panic like most people would. He jabbed at my ribs near their break, and with my eyes watering, I stumbled back with a hiss. Almost, I leapt onto the boy again, but the shock in his eyes dampened the burn in me, enough for me to hesitate.
“You attacked me,” he said.
Again, the fire in me receded, and I opened my mouth to apologize.
“I guess humans are just animals, like we’ve been told,” the boy continued. “Eating, drinking, fighting, fucking. That’s all you care about. Was there a girl in Fissid that you were rutting? Or maybe a boy. Who am I to judge? Did you get your fuck partner killed?”
Was he trying to make me attack again? Because I wouldn’t.
Sure, the world had taken on a red tinge, but I’d learned my lesson. Hell, when was the last time I’d flown off the handle like that? I couldn’t remember.
I knew the best way to resolve this situation, the one I should have taken when the boy had first confronted me.
Bowing to him, I said, “I'm sorry for my behavior and for giving offense. I’d offer to make it up to you, but I’m fairly certain you wouldn’t want that. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll remove myself from your presence.”
With my hand on a stone wall, I headed in the direction that I’d been walking before, waiting for exhaustion to overcome the rush that I’d found in anger. I’d have to shuffle again soon enough.
The scrape of leather on stone gave me a split second to know that the boy wouldn’t let me walk away. With a quiet groan, I half-turned to apologize again, but it was too late. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I went down. I hit the ground with the boy landing on top of me, and my ribs, having barely begun the healing process, splintered further.
With a muted shriek, I bucked against what had pinned me, but that did nothing. The boy straddled my waist, swinging a fist at my face, but because I jerked my head to the side, the blow only glanced along my cheek. It still hurt, but even with that addition of pain, I was aware enough to hook my leg around the Eselan, shifting my hips, and losing his balance, he tumbled away from me.
Freed, I rolled in the opposite direction, frantically picking at the bandages around my hands. If the boy truly meant to fight, I couldn’t be impeded by this cloth, no matter how much more damage exposing my wounds might do.
I’d gotten halfway through unwinding one bandage when the boy came at me again. As his blurry body careened for me, something that looked like Bright flickered into being beside him. I barely had time to notice this before jumping out of his path.
“Please, stop!” I cried. “I don’t want to fight you.”
Behind the boy, the Eselan woman from before sauntered into view, and I frantically waved. She, however, merely grinned and leaned her shoulder against the rock.
Did everyone in this damn place want to see me hurt? Well, everyone but Rhylix.
In range again, the boy snarled, swinging for my face.
“Lyli’s dead,” he growled, “because of humans. Because of you.”
“Are you kidding me?” I snapped.
No more playing nice, not when the boy refused to do the same. With one hand free, I grabbed for his sling and tugged. As he stumbled toward me, I stepped to the side, seizing his splinted arm. I hauled against it in the opposite direction, and howling, the Eselan backpedaled until he hit the wall.
Driving my fist into his stomach, I shouted, “It’s not my fault! None of it! Fissid. Your Lyli. Stop blaming me for things I didn’t do.”
The boy dropped to the ground, becoming a limp pile at my feet, and my next punch, already sent flying, drove my knuckles into stone. I bit my lip to keep from crying out, and when the boy smashed into my legs, toppling me, my teeth nearly came together while a trickle of blood dripped down my throat.
We were back where we’d begun, and as I gazed up at the boy’s misty form, wondering if we’d repeat everything that we’d already done, figures of shadow and light coalesced on either side of him.
Dim and Bright? What were they-?
An expanding patch of darkness preceded sharp pain in my nose and cheeks, and throwing my hands over my face, I growled, finished with this fight, finished with people who would judge me for things I’d never done, finished with life’s sudden desire to turn me into its sparring dummy.
“LEAVE. ME.-” I began in a roar.
Weight was lifted off of me, and something hooked under my arms, jerking me upright. A voice, both new and familiar, was shouting at me, but the words had become fuzz when faced with the rush of furious power coursing through me.
Where was the threat? I had to see it neutralized, destroyed, wiped from existence. Distantly, I was aware of air pushing through my throat, scrubbing it raw, and the awful noise booming around me, but this bottled-up anger had to go somewhere. I couldn’t keep hold of it forever. I had to leak it from me, force it out, throw it like an arrow at the person-shaped blob opposite me.
From out of nowhere, peace splashed into me, and slowly, gradually, it beat back the storm that had me in its clinging grip. To the time of my slowing heartbeat, I regained awareness of my surroundings, and on noting them, I flinched.
What the hell had I just gotten myself into?
Chapter 15: Explain Yourself
Raimie
Over the course of my fight, several Esela had crowded into the hall, forming a person-high barrier on either side. Opposite me, the boy—my opponent—was glaring daggers my way, restrained by my father.
My father who was looking at me like I was a monster.
Shrinking on myself, I noticed that someone had wrapped their arm around my chest, which was perhaps the only reason I wasn’t on the ground. Craning my head to see its owner, I met gray eyes in a pasty face with red and green hair framing it.
“Rhylix,” I rasped.
Giving me a quick smile, the Eselan lifted his chin toward a commotion with his features turning grim.
“What in the void happened here?”
A woman with a purple sheen to her hair pushed through the onlookers. She was wearing the same outfit as the boy and the other woman. Considering this was the third time I’d seen it, I wondered if that sheathe of black leather could be a uniform of some type.
When in the cleared space between once brawling teenagers, she rested her hands on her hips, looking between us with a raised eyebrow.
“Well?” she snapped.
The boy squirmed in my father’s hold, getting nowhere in the process.
“I was just returning the human to where it belongs, commander,” he said before once more struggling to break free. “Let me go, you- you-”
“Honorary Zrelnach?” my father said.
“What?” the boy squeaked. “That can’t be-”
“Dath! Stop talking,” Rhylix growled.
Against my back, his body felt tense, transmitting that apprehension directly into me. What sort of mess had I gotten myself into, and how did I get through it unscathed?
The commander transferred her gaze to me, and I shivered. Damn, she’d mastered the scornful look.
“What say you?” she asked.
Oh, hell. What should I say? What would have this commander blaming the fight on Dath, keeping myself from punishment as a result?
No. What was the right answer?
“It was my fault. I provoked him, but he ignored me, would have gone about his day if I hadn’t challenged him. I attacked first. In the context of Allanovian’s culture, he was completely in the right,” I said. “The only thing that I might say in my defense is that I’m not completely in my right mind at the moment, but that’s no excuse for my behavior. I’m sorry for it, and I’m sorry, Dath, to have caused you trouble.”
My last word faded, letting a heavy silence fall. Dath looked like he wanted to break it, but Rhylix’s rebuke kept his mouth shut. Meanwhile, Rhylix had gone even more stiff while the corners of my father’s eyes had crinkled, the only sign of his worry.
“Hmm,” the commander said. “Everybody out. Trainee, go to your quarters.”
The hall emptied so quickly that I was half-curious if someone had seen signs of an eminent tunnel collapse. Meanwhile, my father reluctantly released Dath.
Huffing, the trainee straightened his uniform before joining the people streaming away from the site of conflict, and when most onlookers had disappeared, Rhylix loosened his grip on me. I clung to his arm before he could let go.
“Please, don’t,” I said. “I’ll fall without your help.”
Rhylix released a heavy sigh, contorting his body to where my arm was slung over his shoulders, before taking halting steps toward the commander. Once the four of us had converged, she made to speak, but my father got there first.
“What really happened?” he said. “I know you, son. You don’t lose your temper lightly.”
Hi, dad. So glad to see you’re alive. How did you find me in Fissid?
These greetings were laid aside. Maybe I could return to them soon but for now…
“It happened like I said,” I insisted. “He stopped me while I was looking for you, and I needled him because… well, like you said, you know me. He was the better person, tried to walk away, but while he did, he said some unkind things about Fissid, and I lost it, attacking him. He managed to subdue me, I apologized, meaning to leave, and… you can gather the rest.”
Crossing his arms, my father turned on the commander.
“See?” he said.
“Mm,” was all she said.
She stared at me as if trying to peel away layers, but I didn’t have many to shed.
“Let the first trial decide it, Ferin,” Rhylix said. “It’ll save everyone face.”
She narrowed her eyes with calculation taking place in them.
“As always, you provide the best suggestions, Rhy. We’ll do as you say,” she said. “Get your patient ready for it. How long do you think the human will need?”
“Both of my patients will need time to heal,” Rhylix said, “but they’ll be ready for the trial within a week or two.”
Sharply nodding, Ferin said, “Very well. Let me know when we can start.”
With nothing more, she marched off, and after she rounded a corner, I badly wanted to jump at my father, hugging him to make sure he was really ok. Before I could, however, Rhylix started us back toward the clinic.
When I opened my mouth to ask a question, he said, “Let’s get you in a cot first.”
After checking whether my father was trailing us, I decided to oblige the request. Once in the clinic, though, I waited until my father was close by so I could make an unsteady leap for him, one that he barely caught.
“I’m so glad to see you, dad,” I said. “I thought for sure that something terrible had happened to you, and if it had, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.”
My father stiffened, and as he did, something around his waist poked into my stomach. Before I could ask about it, though, he plopped me onto a cot.
“I’m glad to see you too, Raimie,” he said, “but how could you do something so stupid?”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I said, “I know, I know. I’m an idiot.”
After dropping a chair beside the cot, Rhylix pointed my father into it before helping me get propped against a wall.
“I’m more interested in why you were awake in the first place,” he said. “The sleeping tincture I gave you should have kept you out until the morning at least.”
For the briefest moment, what I’d fled this clinic to escape slammed into me, and I avoided looking at my father as I shrugged.
“Something woke me up?” I said. “I don’t know.”
“Hmm.”
Oo, Rhylix looked like he knew I’d lied to him, but thankfully, he didn’t press it. Perhaps once my father had gone, I could elaborate for him, but for now, he’d have to deal with uncertainty.
“I have questions,” I said.
Slumping in his chair, my father said, “I figured you would. Go ahead and ask them. I’ll answer as many as I can.”
But where to start? So much of the confusion swirling through my mind dealt with things that I couldn’t share.
Who would understand the strange knowing that I’d experienced about certain topics, the reason I’d never doubted the story about my family’s origins?
In this abandoned corner of the world, where the unusual was violently rejected, how could I speak a word about Bright and Dim? I didn’t want to get strung up for something I had no control over. So, what else could I ask about?
“For how inquisitive you were earlier, you’re certainly quiet now,” Rhylix said.
He was fiddling with supplies on a desk near his cot.
“I’m gathering my thoughts, thank you very much,” I said, “but you’re right. I should get started. So, dad. Why do you have friends in a place I’ve never visited before today? Why are you an… what did you call it? Honorary Zrelnach?”
Scrunching his eyebrows together, my father said, “That’s not where I thought you’d start, but in answer, you have visited Allanovian before. When you were small, we’d come here every year, but that stopped in your youth. I’m not surprised you don’t remember.
“As for the Zrelnach thing, it’s something that everyone in the family has done since Allanovian was founded, our way of showing our Eselan subjects that we’re still dedicated to taking our kingdom back.”
I wanted to ask why we’d stopped visiting, why I hadn’t been expected to become a Zrelnach too, and why my family had isolated itself as much as we had, but something else seemed more important.
“About the whole wresting Auden from Doldimar thing,” I said, “do we have a plan for that, or are we rushing in willy-nilly? I’m already hesitant to challenge someone who was powerful enough to overthrow our family before.”
With a sigh, my father pinched his nose.
“You’ll have to ask Eledis about that,” he said. “I gave up on the Auden side of our lives years ago, but he never has. I’m sure he has a plan that will get us across the Narrow Sea, at least. Alouin, I never thought this would happen in my lifetime.”
Leaning on his knees, he rubbed his face, and I realized that my father was probably just as lost as me. He might know more about our family’s history, but while we’d lived in the woods, it had never come up, falling to the wayside for him. Shadowsteal’s discovery had uprooted his life as much as it had for me.
“Ok. Let’s set aside the big picture for now,” I said. “Rhy told me that I’ll be participating in trials of some sort, and that Ferin woman mentioned them too. What exactly am I expected to do?”
My father’s face darkened, but before he could say a word, Rhylix glided to us from his desk, laying a hand on my father’s shoulder.
“May I?” he asked.
With a nervous chuckle, my father gestured to me.
“Please,” he said.
Nodding, Rhylix sank onto the end of my cot, folding his hands in his lap. He stared at them for a moment before lifting his gaze.
“The Zrelnach trials are how Allanovian tests a trainee’s aptitude as a warrior,” he said. “There are two of them, the first of which you’ll undertake as soon as I declare you fit for it. I’ll give you all the details I can on them, although some parts are kept secret from the examinees. So. The first trial…”
Chapter 16: The First Trial
Raimie
Waiting in a small chamber beneath the mountain, I paced between its walls, rubbing my hands together while I chewed on my lip. Over a week had passed since I’d learned what Allanovian’s Council expected of me, and the thought of it still had me weighing the option of fleeing the village instead.
I’d decided that these people were crazy, absolutely insane, but from everything Eledis had shared during his visits to the clinic, I didn’t think I could ignore them. With Shadowsteal alerting Teron and anyone else of Audish descent to its return, its bearer would ever be hunted, and no matter how much I might want to, I couldn’t abandon the sword, not when someone else could inherit my unfortunate fate. So, I was stuck with this hell unless I could change my circumstances.
At the moment, the best method of doing that was by challenging Doldimar, Auden’s Dark Lord, for his throne, something that I couldn’t do by myself. I needed an army, and Allanovian’s Zrelnach would make a great base for one. They, however, would never follow someone they didn’t respect, and the easiest way of earning that respect was to become one of them.
So, I’d undertake these trials. Even if they’d get me killed.
“This is stupid,” I said.
I should run. At least then, I’d live through the rest of the day. That was the smart course of action.
“For the short term maybe,” I said.
But what else did I have but the short term?
As I spun for the door, meaning to sprint through it and down the hall outside, it opened with Eledis on the other side. He strode into the chamber, making it feel cramped, and engulfed me in an enthusiastic hug.
“Look at you!” he exclaimed. “About to start something that I thought would never come. I’m so proud.”
And there died all plans of fleeing.
In recent days, Eledis had oscillated between exuberance and petulance every time I’d seen him, and I was getting sick of having to predict his mood. Even so, I was glad to see him on this end of the spectrum instead of the opposite. When he was pleased, I could usually ask him more sensitive questions.
Like this one.
“Are you sure this is necessary?” I asked. “I don’t know how to fight, Eledis. Dath will tear me apart.”
I expected a lecture on believing in myself or some such nonsense, but I got a smirk instead.
“Your lack of training is why I’ve brought you this,” Eledis said.
He unhooked the sword on his belt.
A week ago, I’d found my grandfather’s armed state a bit odd. Considering humans weren’t supposed to carry weapons in this city, the fact that my family members had been bearing a sword and a bow had niggled in my mind for days, but after much consideration, I’d concluded that Eledis and my father must be two of the humans Rhylix had mentioned, the ones privileged enough to break that rule. With a plausible answer in hand, I’d discarded my curiosity.
Still, after a lifetime of seeing nothing more dangerous than a carving knife on either of them, I went rigid when Eledis laid a sword, scabbard and all, across his palms, and it wasn’t merely because of which sword he’d offered to me.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I tightly said. “The last time I touched Shadowsteal…”
Our lives had turned upside down.
“You need a weapon. Dath will have one, and during the trial, you’ll be allowed one as well. What better sword for you to wield than yours, Raimie?” Eledis said. “Besides, every story about the blade says that its bearers become nigh invincible on the battlefield. Not indestructible, mind you. Merely undefeatable.”
“And I’m supposed to believe a bunch of stories?” I said with my voice rising in pitch.
He couldn’t be serious. Please, Alouin, say he wasn’t serious.
Rolling his eyes, Eledis bounced the sword on his palms.
“What’s the harm in using Shadowsteal, kid?” he asked.
Plenty. What if I saw the same thing that I had when I’d last touched the blade? If various shades of illumination came to overlay the world again, what was I supposed to do? I still didn’t know what the phenomenon was or what had caused it.
But Eledis had made a good point. I was a novice warrior about to take on a well-trained opponent in what, at times, became a fight to the death. I needed every advantage I could get, no matter how small or unreliable it might be, and damn what might happen.
So, sighing, I wrapped my hand in my sleeve before accepting Shadowsteal from my grandfather.
“Thank you for bringing it,” I said, hanging the sword from my belt.
“Of course!” Eledis said. “I look forward to watching you fight. Kick the bastard’s ass.”
I didn’t want to, though. Once Eledis had left and I’d resumed my pacing, I considered all the ways I could have avoided this fight, primarily with how I’d responded to Dath in the first place. I wish I could simply apologize to the boy and make up for my offense, but Allanovian’s Council had spoken, and I doubted I could change their minds.
After what seemed like forever, an Eselan woman, clothed in the Zrelnach uniform, leaned into the chamber.
“We’re ready for you,” she said.
Well, I wasn’t ready, but I doubted I ever would be. Taking a calming breath, I followed my guide into the hall, and we threaded through several corridors, none of which I’d seen before.
When we entered a tunnel with a set of large doors at its end, I wrinkled my nose.
I knew this scene like I’d known the gray of Rhylix’s eyes. Where could I have seen it before, though? Partially shoved open, the stone doors hid what lay behind them, and as I reached the gap between the two, I examined them. Where had I seen these-?
Oh.
“I need you to come with me.”
My father guides me down the village’s tunnels. Fever has loosened its grip on me, and although my head holds nothing but fuzz, I can walk without help. Even still, two gray-eyed men insist on doing that, pulling me along by the elbows.
I don’t like it. Their ‘help’ makes my father’s request seem more like a command, and something about that...
A wave of dizziness makes me stumble, slowing me down. All I want right now is to sleep. What’s the fastest way for me to get back to my cot?
Stopping in my tracks, I yank my arms free of the gray-eyed men.
“Where are we going, dad?” I ask.
My father clenches his jaw, gesturing, and the gray-eyed men grab my arms and legs. They lift me off of the ground, and in my shock, I fail to struggle. Only once I’m airborne do I scream and wiggle and shift. What’s going on?
Before I can answer that question, we pass through stone doors, ones that slam closed behind us.
How had I forgotten about that? I remembered the animal panic of that moment, the sense of betrayal.
I knew better now. At the time, my father had only been helping me, but hell, if the memory didn’t still smart.
The Eselan woman cleared her throat, and giving myself a quick shake, I hurried into the room behind the doors.
Larger than I’d expected, the cavern contained what looked like a village-full of people. Instead of having scattered throughout the room, however, they were crowded on the ramps that rose around its perimeter, starting near where I stood. Wood planks, decorated with many a blade’s scoring mark, lined the ramp’s lower walls, and the circular arena in their midst had a thin layer of sand coating its floor.
The highest point of these ramps, set opposite the doors, stood about half of my height above my head. There, four Eselan, one of whom I knew, sat behind a table with paper atop it.
As I strode into this scene, so many eyes fixed on me that I nearly tripped. Desperately, I sought someone friendly among a host of hostile eyes, and eventually, I found this in sources both expected and not.
As he’d promised, Eledis was there, positioned near the foot of one ramp, and my father was standing nearby. Both of them gave me encouraging nods.
The one-armed Eselan beside my father watched me with seeming neutrality, but by chewing on his lip, he betrayed his anxiety, which was strange considering I didn’t know him.
Rhylix was leaning against the wall further up the ramp with a bubble of empty space around him, and when my eyes landed on him, he fluttered his fingers in a wave.
Besides these four men, I saw only undisguised hatred, most especially coming from the people behind the table. Ferin, the one Council member I knew, looked bored, picking under her fingernails with a knife, and one of the men beside her had succeeded in concealing his emotions but the other two…
Shivering, I made for the chamber’s center, and once there, I held perfectly still. If I did nothing, it shouldn’t offend the Esela around me, right? Alouin, the further into this venture that I trod, the more it seemed like a horrible idea.
The crunch of footsteps soon led to a familiar boy coming to a stop beside me. He glanced at me without a single change in his expression, and at the sight of him, I shifted, resting one hand on Shadowsteal’s hilt.
Better, always better, to be prepared for a fight, and I was ready. I felt ready, which was strange.
Frowning, I shook my head to clear it while one of the Councilmen started speaking.
“We have before us two trainees who have challenged for the right to become Zrelnach. Since all Council members find this challenge acceptable, we are gathered…”
Too tense to listen, I glanced at Dath, and the Councilman’s voice faded to a distant murmur. Behind the boy, I picked out two familiar faces from among the people on the crowded ramp. Two twins of me.
The first, engulfed in black clothes, mimed a passionately given speech, one to match the Councilman’s, while the second, draped in white, watched this display with pinched lips, crossed arms, and many a headshake.
After a few seconds, the one in black grew bored of mocking the orator, threading through the Esela to pinch and otherwise irritate them. With an eyeroll, the twin in white shifted toward the Council, presumably to give them its respectful attention, but instead, it met my gaze, which only sent me deeper into panic’s grip.
Cocking its head, the twin in white said, “He sees us. Finally.”
Ceasing all attempts at agitating the crowd, the twin in black scuttled to the ramp’s edge, crouching with its wrists hanging from its knees.
“Would you look at that! You’re right,” it said. “Silly, that. Not only will we have to explain ourselves all over again, but he hasn’t outgrown his poor timing. Fight’s about to start.”
Plopping to the ground, the twin in black thrust its legs over the ramp’s edge, swinging them with a happy hum, and through my heart’s loud jitter, I found the presence of mind to wonder what it had meant.
Huffing, both twins pointed to a spot in front of me, and dragging my gaze away from them, I gasped, barely jumping backward in time to keep from being cleaved in two. In my distraction, the rematch must have begun, and I’d started it on the wrong foot.
Backpedaling, I pulled Shadowsteal out of its scabbard before a second strike could land, and on catching Dath’s blade, I frantically looked for an opening. This wasn’t like my fist fight with the boy. Not only was it more deadly, but instinct wasn’t guiding me this time, as evidenced by Dath nearly disarming me when he pulled away.
Alouin, this was bad. I knew from my reading that sword fights usually lasted a few seconds. Unless I got lucky in the next couple of heartbeats, I was likely living my last moments, so I took the only course of action that might extend them.
I ran.
Not turn-my-back-and-flee running. No, I bolted to the side, leaving Dath stunned for a split second, and if I were a better warrior, maybe I could have taken advantage of the opening.
As it was, Dath snarled, chasing me more quickly than I’d expected. As he came near, he sent his fist flying, which had pain flaring in my jaw, and I spun, crashing into the ramp’s wall.
Before I could move, fire lanced into my shoulder, and screaming, I tried to escape that searing pain, nearly as bad as what had once marred my hands. Unfortunately, something unseen jerked me to a stop, building the blaze.
While I glanced over my shoulder, applause filled the air, and at what I saw, a strange mixture of emotions turned my vision white. Dath was spinning in a circle nearby, accepting his people’s praise, but what set my eye twitching was the sword—Dath’s I assumed—sticking out of my shoulder.
Taking a deep breath, I reached behind me.
“Why the fuck—” I started with a growl.
When something popped in my shoulder, it almost turned my legs to water, leaving my arm a breath from becoming useless, but because of it, my reach extended, letting me touch the hilt of Dath’s sword.
“—would you leave a weapon in an opponent who’s still breathing?” I finished.
Tugging, I pulled the blade free. The world darkened for a moment while steel thumped into the sand, and with survival instincts pushing me, I whirled toward Dath in an already spinning room. Leaping on his back, I bit into his neck, and the sudden addition of my weight sent him staggering, toppling him face-first onto the ground.
With my opponent’s legs trapped between my knees, I caught Dath’s wrists, and as I dragged his hands to the middle of his back, my shoulder screamed. I balanced between these points of contact while Dath struggled, trying to buck me off, but that wasn’t happening, not with him so securely pinned.
When the trainee fell still, the deepest silence I’d ever heard fell, broken only by our panting and the drip of blood from my wound, and in this hush, my twins strode into view. The one in black crouched beside Dath’s face, and seeing the fury in the trainee’s eyes, it pattered its hands together.
“Kill him!”
It flashed a beaming grin at me.
“You don’t need another enemy.”
The dark twin was right. So many people already wanted me dead. How could I let another one live?
With its arms folded behind its back, the twin in white stood over Dath, gazing upon him impassively.
“If you end him, you’ll make a foe of this community. You’ve passed your trial. Walk away from this.”
The bright twin was right. If I killed one of Allanovian’s sons, the city would tear me apart. How could I bring that upon myself?
But in the glare Dath was flinging my way, I saw the promise of death.
“You’re both right,” I said.
Hefting Shadowsteal, I lightly smacked its pommel into Dath’s temple, and his body slackened.
Getting to my feet was one of the hardest things that I’d done in ages. It was a miracle that I maintained my hold on Shadowsteal, much less tilted it the small amount needed to tap the sword’s point to my opponent’s neck.
“I give you Mercy,” I said.
Spinning, I stumbled to where the fight had started, trembling from head to foot while I waited for dismissal. From the corner of his eye, I noted Eledis’ approving nod, my father’s pinched eyes, and Rhylix…
Where had Rhylix gone?
The Councilman who’d begun the proceedings rose from his chair, leaving his fingers resting on the table.
“Well done, young one,” he said. “Rest up. We’ll summon you once we’ve prepared your second trial.”
He sat once more, and swaying in place, I fumbled with slipping thoughts, struggling to work out what I should do next. When someone took my elbow, I didn’t have the energy to flinch while the dullest pang of surprise bloomed in my chest.
Someone had snuck up on me? That hadn’t happened in years.
“This way,” Rhylix said behind me.
Ah. That was where he’d gone.
In shuffling steps, we made our way to the clinic with other Esela soon passing us, and the entire time, Rhylix muttered to himself.
“Stupid. It’s a miracle either of you is alive. How the hell did you dislocate your shoulder from that position? It shouldn’t be possible. Unless you’ve done it several times before? No. That’s silly. But this is why letting children play with weapons is a bad idea…”
When we stepped into Rhylix’s clinic, I said, “Are you always this much of a mother hen?”
“I’m not a-”
Rhylix breathed out through his nose.
“Sit down. I need to-”
“Hold this,” I interrupted.
I slapped Shadowsteal to Rhylix’s chest while a sudden urge to yawn overwhelmed me. As I did so, I lifted my hands overhead, reaching one of them toward the opposite shoulder, and again, something popped. Most of the heat that had been igniting my mind turned to coals, to be replaced with exhaustion.
“How did you-?” Rhylix started.
But I didn’t let him finish. The trance-like state that I’d assumed bade me to sleep, so I wove to a cot, pulled its blankets aside, and fell into it.
“That went… better than I…”
My body freed my mind from its pain.
Chapter 17: Sentence Handed Down
Rhylix
Please, Eriadren, forgive yourself for something you had no control over.
Left holding a sword as familiar to me as my body, I thanked my lucky stars that I’d remembered to keep the damn thing away from my bare skin, clutching it to my chest with sleeve-coated arms. I didn’t know how Raimie had been able to touch it without experiencing its typically imparted ability, but the utterly delightful bafflement that the teenager had presented around every corner only watered the small seedling of hope that was growing in me.
As expected, people soon started bustling into my clinic with Eledis and Aramar coming first. While Aramar hurried to his son’s bedside, I approached Eledis, extending Shadowsteal to him from between my wrists.
“Here. Take this,” I said.
Eledis gave me an odd look, but he accepted the sword, thank the gods.
“How is he?” he asked.
“Besides a severe case of idiocy that makes me constantly wonder at his continued breathing state?” I said. “He’s fine. I’ll dress the shoulder wound soon, but I expect more people besides you to crowd this clinic in the next hour.”
Folding his arms, Eledis said, “Idiot he may be, but I thought Raimie fought fairly well back there, considering his lack of training.”
Yes. Everyone in this family insisted that Raimie was a baby fighter, but I was finding that claim increasingly difficult to believe. Some of the moves he’d pulled in the two struggles I’d watched only came with a basic understanding of how to subdue one’s opponents.
But sure. Raimie had never learned how to fight.
“He has Audish blood in him, that’s for sure,” I said. “Only certain types of people understand the value of survival over fighting fair, and he’s one of them, thank Alouin. He’ll do well in Auden once he’s adjusted to life there.”
Casting a sidelong glance at me, Eledis asked, “What do you know of Auden?”
With a smile as my only answer, I gathered Aramar from Raimie’s cot.
“He’ll be fine, I assure you,” I said. “I’ll get him ready for his second trial, but in the meantime, you two can’t be here. Allanovian’s Council would have a fit if they found you in this clinic. They’d claim you were helping him cheat.”
“We wouldn’t do that! I only want to be beside my son, damnit,” Aramar hissed.
“I know that you could never be so conniving, but I’m not the one you’d have to convince,” I said. “Trust me with your son, Aramar. Since we met, I’ve fixed him up when he’s been injured, haven’t I?”
After giving me a piercing stare, Aramar sighed.
“Ok.”
He rubbed his face before slapping his hands to his thighs.
“Ok,” he repeated. “Let’s get out of here, Eledis.”
But the old man lingered after Aramar had departed.
“If you hurt Raimie,” he said, “I will kill you.”
Oh, gods. We’d already gotten to that part, had we? Struggling to keep from laughing, I displayed a pleasant smile for Eledis.
“You’ll try,” I said.
Sniffing, Eledis followed Aramar, and I started gathering the supplies I’d soon need.
“Are you there?” I said.
At the prompt, my constant nuisance stepped into view.
“I’m always here,” it said.
Lowering my tools, I leaned on my desk while glaring at the pesky annoyance.
“What in the void is wrong with my ally?” I growled.
Cocking its head, my constant nuisance asked, “Whatever do you mean?”
Lifting a scalpel, I advanced on it, jabbing the sharp edge into its face.
“Don’t play coy with me. You know what I mean,” I said. “He has two of you lot, one from either side, and their appearances have been intermittent and distinctly not right. Gods, he’s calling on the power behind them without knowing what he’s doing. It’s not right. He’s not right, and you know it. So, tell me why, or I swear to the gods, I will banish you from the physical plane for the rest of this cycle.”
For the length of my rant, my constant nuisance had merely blinked at me, and once I was finished, it slowly shook its head.
“I don’t know. Truly,” it said. “You know where I come from. You know I cannot lie. I’m telling you, I… we have no clue what to make of this human.”
Well, fuck. Its ignorance was both terrifying and exhilarating. Finally. Something new.
“Will you watch him, please?” I asked. “At least until his splinters…”
Hmm. What was the best word to describe what I desperately hoped would soon happen to them?
“Stabilize?” I said.
“What do you think I’ve been doing?” my constant nuisance said.
“Good,” I said. “Because I’ll likely be… busy for the rest of the day.”
“I know,” my constant nuisance said with sorrow in its voice.
It was sorry? It and its many cohorts had forced me into this life…
Holy hell. Wait a second. Was that anger?
Giggling, I waved my constant nuisance out of view. Damn, this go ‘round kept getting better and better.
Eventually, someone brought Dath to me, and I treated both boys, wondering when the expected summons would come. When it did, it arrived by means of someone I’d least anticipated.
“Hey, Rhy,” Ferin said from my clinic’s entrance. “How’re the idiots?”
Hiding my surprise, I pointed to each boy in turn.
“Concussion from where Raimie tried to smash his head in. He’ll be out of commission for a few more weeks, so please, don’t put him through his second trial until then,” I said. “Minor lacerations and a hole in his shoulder. I’ve packed it and stitched up his cuts. He’ll be good to go as soon as he wakes up.”
“Fantastic. The Council’s ready for this catastrophe to end,” Ferin said before shifting in place. “They’d like to speak with you.”
“I know,” I said.
I finished collecting everything I might need while Ferin gaped at me.
“You know?” she squeaked.
“Mmhmm,” I said with a nod. “Pretty sure I know what they want with me too.”
“And you’re… ok with it?” Ferin asked with her voice strangled.
I snorted.
“No, of course not,” I said, “but I doubt I can change their minds, especially since you came to retrieve me. I might as well get it over with.”
“Rhy…”
“Ferin, the people of Allanovian despise me,” I said. “No matter how demeaning doing this might typically be, it won’t change their opinions of me, and as you said, it’ll move this farce along.”
“But the reason they hate you is stupid,” Ferin said. “It’s not fair.”
Finished with my preparations, I rounded on her, letting some of my weariness peek through my mask.
“Who told you life’s fair? It’s not. Never has been, never will be,” I said. “Look, there’s no point in discussing this. Can we please just go?”
Swallowing, Ferin said, “Sure.”
She led me to the same room where the Council had put me on trial a little over a week ago, the room where I’d offered to act as a scapegoat for them. It seemed they’d decided how I could serve in that capacity, but then, I knew of only one ‘punishment’ that would satisfy the Council’s needs.
The three men on the Council were clustered together like they had been before, and when I entered the room, a gleam filled Hemly and Yrit’s eyes. Before either of them could open their mouths to gloat, Ferin cut them off.
“He already knows what you want,” she snapped.
Hemly spun on her with his teeth gritted.
“You told him?” he hissed.
“No, he knew before I got to him. Guessed it even,” Ferin said. “I suppose you and Yrit are just that predictable.”
Shafoth, having never taken his eyes off of me, cocked his head.
“She speaks the truth?” he said.
Nodding, I said, “To your utter surprise, I’m sure, Raimie has passed his first trial, which means his second is imminent. If I remember correctly, it requires a Joining, something that I hoped you’d modify, considering he’s human. Who knows what a Joining will do to him? In the past, Allanovian has altered the second trial for those of his race. Why not for him? Is it because if he passes, you’ll have to admit that he’s the foretold child? I know how much of an upheaval that would bring to this city.”
No one would answer me, so I shook my head.
“That’s what I thought,” I continued. “In any case, no Allanovian citizen will volunteer to Join with a human, and on top of that, no one here has true combat experience, not like I do. Despite how much you might protest it, all of you want to test Raimie’s aptitude, in case he is what you think, and so, you turn to me.
“As you wish, I’ll Join with Raimie, but to gain a memory appropriate for what you desire, I’ll have to resort to… extreme measures. Most of you will insist on staying while I do this, of course, but I’d advise any of you who are squeamish to reconsider. I don’t want to cause you undue stress.”
I was already dealing with enough of my own tension as it was. Ever, I’d excelled at compartmentalization, but the first step in this type of Joining—extracting a traumatic memory, written into my blood—might collapse the walls I’d built around myself.
If they came down, my past would crash over me, and I wouldn’t pass through it entirely sane. In fact, I’d become a gibbering husk of myself for far too long afterward. It had happened often enough before.
“You got all of that from Ferin coming to retrieve you,” Shafoth said, as if it were a question.
No, I’d predicted this from the moment I’d made my offer to the Council, but judging from the looks on Yrit and Hemly’s faces, it was probably best to keep that close to heart.
“Yes,” I said instead. “Shall we get started?”
Chapter 18: 'Appropriate' Punishment
Rhylix
Before I lose myself again, I must set this into writing.
Glancing over the gaping Council members in front of me, I lifted an eyebrow, ready to get this show on the road.
“I’m assuming one of you has the serum for the Joining?” I asked.
Lifting a flask into view, Ferin tossed it to me, and as I downed the liquid inside, I watched the Council.
Would they stay? I didn’t mind them observing something that most would consider a humiliating experience, but I’d truly meant what I’d said in warning. They wouldn’t like what I’d have to do.
At a shift in motion on the periphery, I noted a Zrelnach squad filling the nearby corridor and nearly snorted up the liquid I’d just drank. Did they think I’d run from this? If I did, where would I go? The means to my goal currently lay insensate in my clinic. I couldn’t leave Allanovian without Raimie, and Raimie needed the Zrelnach, a good foundation for the army that he must build.
So, no. I wouldn’t have run. I hadn’t run from something like this in ages.
Tossing the empty flask back to Ferin, I stalked to the chamber’s edge, sliding down its wall to the floor. Humming under my breath, I prepared what I’d need, looping the ring of a syringe’s plunger around a thumb while holding five darning needles between my teeth. Five should be enough.
“Last chance to leave,” I said around them.
I knew Ferin wouldn’t, given her crossed arms and the stubborn set of her shoulders. Seeing it warmed me, which gave me pause. When had I last experienced that?
As for the rest, I’d hoped that some would go, but no one moved. So, I plucked a needle from my mouth with a sigh.
“Can’t say I didn’t warn you,” I said.
I slid the needle under my thumbnail, listening while a clamor rose from the others, and Ferin shouted something indecipherable.
One.
The woman I love bids me leave her to die, and I do, collapsing inside as the central support of my life is kicked free.
NO! Fuck no! Anything but that memory. Hastily shoving it aside, I snatched a needle from between my lips while Ferin screamed at me.
Two.
My brother is hanging from a tree, swaying in the breeze. Fortunately, his corpse hasn’t dangled long enough for it to bloat yet. Soon enough…
I’ll need to gather the others after I’ve cut my brother down. Hopefully, I can bury them before this sense of shock wears off.
Turning to my home’s gaping doorway, I trudge toward it. Its black hole is a suck on my essence, drawing me to the horror that I know waits within.
Better. Something that I could willingly share. Too much pain for Raimie, though.
Motion had started in the chamber, a jitter of violence that I half-acknowledged as my middle finger gained my attention.
Three.
“Get out of here, Rhy,” my father shouts, shoving me toward our bolt hole.
A group of Kiraak bursts into the house with the noise of their ecstasy chilling me to the bone. Drawing his sword, my father faces them, and with a snarling growl, I turn to help.
“GO, Rhy! Protect your mother and Ren,” my father yells. “Run!”
Helpless in my current state, I gape at this human, a man who’s chosen to become my father and will now die for that choice. Gods, I want to plunge into the fight but… I can’t.
Spinning, I run, cursing my eleven-year-old body.
Almost. This memory would probably work for Raimie, but I didn’t want him to see how I’d abandoned my father, not when he had such a close connection to his own. Maybe one more needle would do it?
Activity was flurrying in the chamber now. Someone raced for me while the others reached to restrain her, which meant I should hurry.
Four.
If I ignore how dangerous it is to sprint down a hill without control, I might reach my mother in time, not that she really needs my help. She’s fending off her attackers with ease, dispatching the last of them before I’ve reached the hill’s base.
“Mom!” I shout.
At my voice, she turns, and from behind, a horde descends upon her. Before she can react, they rip her limb from limb while I watch from the other side of a creek. With blood flying across the water, I gawk as they reduce my mother to meaty mash, and something fiery and unreasoning swells in me.
If I can get close enough without drawing the group’s attention, I could steal a weapon from the one furthest back, climb onto his back, and slit his throat. The female closest to me should make an easy target as well-
The object of my interest flicks her eyes toward me, baring her teeth, and…
Ren. What about Ren?!
I flee.
Nope. If I gave him that memory, Raimie would never leave Ada’ir, but it was close in time to one that would fit. A single needle more should do it. Please, gods, say it would only be one more.
A blur of black and peach loomed large in my glistening vision, and gritting my teeth, I pushed a needle beneath my pinky’s fingernail.
Five.
Tears streak across my cheeks as I race toward my sister. She’s lying on the creek bed, singing to herself, and hysterical laughter flies from me.
How has she missed our home’s destruction? Is she too trapped by the worlds inside her head to notice the end of our very real one?
As I open my mouth to scream her name, something—probably my laughter—alerts her to my presence, and she leaps to her feet. Crying for her brother, she stands unharmed, and for the first time since this morning, I let myself believe that something good can come of this day.
Finally, a memory I could safely share with Raimie.
Unhooking the syringe from my thumb, I struggled to slide it into a vein. Gods, how my hands were shaking!
In the end, I managed it, beginning my blood draw while Ferin dropped to her knees in front of me. She sounded like she was choking on something, repeatedly reaching toward and away from my injured hand, and I ignored her until the syringe’s vial was filled. It trembled as I held it between us.
“Here you go,” I said. “Be mindful of the needle.”
She didn’t appreciate my joke. Snatching the syringe from me, Ferin stored it while I yanked darning needles out of my fingers, clutching my hand to my chest once I was finished.
“What the fuck, Rhy?” she snapped. “What in the fucking void was that?”
Tiredly, I shrugged.
“Because of events in my past, my mind has learned how to ignore—how do I put this?—high levels of pain,” I said. “You needed a memory of violence, and we can only extract those when the donor has endured enough hurt to relive an awful moment in their life. I did what I must to give you what you needed.”
Ferin’s face had gone ashen, and limply, she sat on her heels, revealing the people behind her. The remaining Council members, even the ones who hated me, looked stricken, and the Zrelnach in the corridor were struggling to maintain their impassive demeanor.
“What?” I snapped. “You’d better get used to scenes like this because they’re an everyday occurrence in Auden, and you’ll likely be heading there soon.”
Slowly, Shafoth shook his head.
“We know this. Stories from Audish refugees have reached even this remote corner of Ada’ir, and while some here choose to ignore them, most of us know what to expect across the Narrow Sea,” he said. “No. It’s- it’s you. How can you do something like that to yourself and never flinch?”
Oh. Right. In situations like this, I’d always struggled to keep my mask in place.
“I feel it, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said.
Gods, the sear of molten lava that had flowed down my arm! I’d forgotten how near debilitating it was.
“But like I said, this sort of thing—”
I wiggled my bloodied fingers in the air.
“—is commonplace in Auden,” I said. “And my past has been comparable to the lives of that kingdom’s citizens. I adapted.”
“Alouin, Rhy,” Ferin said, “no wonder you always seemed amused when the other trainees and I complained about running laps.”
“I would never have belittled you. Just because I think of burning muscles as a mild irritant doesn’t mean that you do, and I could never laugh at someone else’s pain,” I said, nudging her chin. “Now. May I go? I have errands to run and would prefer to leave here as soon as possible.”
Ferin mutely nodded, and after I climbed to my feet, no one protested as I left the chamber.
I took a different route to my clinic, both to throw off anyone who might have followed me and to swing by Salma’s shop. Days ago, she’d sent word that she’d finished Raimie’s sword, but this was the first moment I’d had to retrieve it.
As I moved along, I looked for an innocuous place where I could rest, and on reaching the children’s ward, I knew I’d found it. Kept separate from the rest of Allanovian, the young Esela were used to their caretakers changing every day. None of them commented on my entrance, not even when I slipped into an occupied classroom.
This class’s instructor had dragged a table toward the back wall with a gaggle of children standing between it and the entrance. They craned their necks for a better look at what rested on it, and after a single, narrow-eyed glance at me, the instructor ignored my presence, continuing with her lecture. With each sentence she spoke, she moved tiny models across the depicted battlefield.
Bracing against a wall, I released the illusion that I’d held since ripping needles out of my hand, and the bruised appearance of my fingernails faded to a healthy color. Energy drained from me, and while I waited for it to return, I watched the instructor become more animated, all while the modeled battle came to its conclusion.
History lessons like this never failed to sadden and amuse me. I’d never understand how humans and Esela kept making the same mistakes, and yet, no matter how many times we destroyed ourselves, we always got back up.
As soon as I could, I left the children’s ward. I should be quick with retrieving Raimie’s sword. Now that Allanovian’s Council had everything they needed for his second trial, they’d start it soon, eager to finish with this inconvenience. I should be ready for that because once it was over…
Well. Everyone needed someone with them after the second trial of a Zrelnach’s initiation.
Chapter 19: Advancing Mysteries
Raimie
Having returned to a world of black, I wasn’t surprised to find one of my arms nearly freed from its hold. When I’d last been here, I could wiggle my fingers, and that had been a week ago. Why wouldn’t more be free now?
Still, I couldn’t lift the limb into view, not with something clamping my upper arm to the ground. Seeing it would be nice, as it would be my first proof that whatever this place was, I had a body in it. Hopefully, it wasn’t as badly damaged as the one I was wearing in the waking world, the body with an ignorant version of me in it.
I could barely see my ally at the moment. The other man wasn’t kneeling nearby, sawing at incorporeal tethers, as he had been before. Rather, all I could see of the wraith was his hooded head and the arms he’d flung over it.
His cloak’s sleeves had fallen away, revealing pale skin and a sheath strapped around one arm. A string, attached to the sheath, stretched to that hand’s pinky, presumably to allow the quick release of its weapon. The jagged knife, I assumed.
All fascinating but what the wraith was muttering to himself as he rocked in place was more so. Almost, I interrupted him, hesitant to intrude on something that was clearly private, but listening to it might help with solving one of the mysteries in my life.
So, I opened my ears.
“-cannot do this again,” the wraith jabbered. “Not when hope was given- was given-
“He has to come back. HAS to! I could keep working to free him, still have heart of my heart’s permission, but I will never finish in time. Gods! I am falling apart. It will be like the last time I lost him all over again.
“I. I, I, I. Fuck, such an awful word. Where is the we? I miss it. I miss…
“Please. Heart of my heart. Come back.”
I couldn’t eavesdrop on this. Clearing my throat, I watched the wraith whirl toward me, planting his hands on either side of my face. He left his hood’s black pit staring down at me.
“You are here,” he breathed.
Alouin, such intensity. Shouldn’t it scare me?
“Yes,” I drawled. “Forgive me, but do I know you? I thought you were just a figment of my mind, but you have incredible agency for…”
I trailed off when the wraith jerked back as though slapped.
“You heard what I said?”
“Sorry,” I said in response. “Would you mind telling me-?”
Popping to his feet, the wraith paced the length of my body with his fingers clawing into his hood.
“No, no, no!” he hissed. “What if I disrupted the spell?”
Stopping short, he peered down at me.
“Although if I had, something terrible would have happened by now,” he said before plopping to the ground. “My apologies. Being alone for so long can be debilitating.”
“So... I don’t know you?” I asked.
Without responding, the wraith summoned his knife to work on the last ties around my arm. I should probably protest having someone so unstable near me, especially when he had a sharp edge on him, but bound like this, how was I supposed to repulse the wraith? Snarl at him?
Instead, I tried to worm an intelligible explanation from what I’d learned.
“You mentioned a spell,” I said. “What did you mean by that?”
For a while, the wraith worked without a word, and I’d decided to try another angle when he spoke up.
“I cannot tell you. Not outright. It does not work like that. You must struggle through it yourself, or it might cause damage.”
This last detail was accompanied by a bond snapping, and so, it slipped through the sieve of my focus.
I lifted my freed limb, spreading my fingers in front of my face. It was real, or looked real at least. What about the rest of me?
As I ran a hand down my chest, the wraith stepped over me to kneel on the other side.
“The arms are easiest,” he said, as if to himself. “We should avoid the dangerous bits for as long as possible.”
Dangerous bits?
No. I could worry about that bit of ominousness later.
For now, all I cared about was regaining my freedom of movement. The ability to flail my arm around pleased me more than I cared to say, and I wanted this for all of me. So, I extended a hand toward the wraith.
“I don’t suppose you have another knife,” I said. “I’d love to help.”
Chuckling, the wraith said, “That is, again, not how it works. Even if I gave you a knife, you could not touch it.”
“Really?”
I bobbed my waiting palm, and with a sigh, the wraith placed his blade there. When he released its hilt, however, the weapon merely passed through my hand, and as it plunged for my body, I panicked before the wraith snatched the knife from mid-air.
“You see?” he said. “In order to cut through these ties, you require me and my knife, but conversely, I cannot help you without your permission. Freeing you is a team effort.”
Without my permission. Hadn’t the wraith asked for my permission as his price for freeing me?
“You wanted me out of these restraints all along, didn’t you?” I said. “And if you say you can’t answer because that’s not how it works, so help me. I’ll start screaming again.”
Carefully, the wraith set his knife beside my head before hovering his hand over my cheek. It came so close that I could feel its warmth, and the depth of my desire for that distance to close surprised me.
“Raimie—” the wraith started.
And at this stranger first speaking my name, something reverberated through me from the inside out.
“—seeing you escape from this place is my greatest wish.”
As if waiting for this confession, a hook sank between my shoulder blades, and I resisted its pull, unwilling to leave this place when I was making so much progress. If only I could remember what I’d learned.
Remember…
I was getting sick of waking up, only to stare at the same bumps in the rock overhead. Oh, and with new injuries on me too. It would be nice if I could rise from dreams without my body screaming at me for once.
Walking my fingers along my chest to where I’d been stabbed, I stopped when they encountered bandaging. So, Rhylix had already dressed the wound. When I could, I should properly thank that man.
“He’s awake now, for sure this time,” someone unseen said. “When should we come closer?”
“After I’ve donned my most terrifying visage, of course! Wait. Are you asking for my opinion?”
“What? No, you repugnant stain! I was merely speaking out loud.”
I knew those voices. They set a chill in my heart, and my thoughts started racing because those voices? They were copies of mine.
Slow as sap from a tree, I sat up on my cot, backing along it until I was plastered to stone. Frantically, I searched for a weapon, but before I could find one, I stopped short.
Two men, lounging against the clinic’s doorframe, had stolen my focus. My twins—the figures swathed in white and black—caught me staring, and at their cautious smiles, my smile, I pushed myself further into rock.
At that, the one in black surged forward with its face drawn into a horrifying mask, and I froze. Sighing, the one in white pushed itself out of the entryway.
“Stop that,” it said.
Bristling, the twin in black spun on its antithesis, raising one hand as if to throw something.
“You want to start something now, ya bore?” it snarled.
Rolling its eyes, the twin in white said, “No, simpleton. I’m simply suggesting that we explain ourselves to our human before he dies of fright.”
“Oh.”
Lowering its hand, the twin in black glanced over its shoulder, grimacing.
“I hate to agree with you, but you’re right,” it said. “Excuse me while I go puke in a corner.”
“Of course I’m right. When am I not?”
Striding toward my cot, the twin in white ‘bumped’ into its counterpart, making it stumble, and recovering, the twin in black followed, hissing the whole way.
When they reached the cot, they folded onto its foot. The one in white sat with folded hands and a crossed leg while the one in black sprawled with its foot kicking.
Meanwhile, I couldn’t breathe. I must have gone crazy, cracking under recent strain, because if I hadn’t, what were these things staring at me with my eyes? Would these unknowns be like Teron, leaving me for dead before someone saved me?
Pursing its lips, the twin in white said, “Relax. We’re not here to hurt you-”
“Yet,” the twin in black interrupted.
An already rigid copy of me further tensed with a vein in its neck throbbing, and it fixed its gaze further up the wall.
“Would you keep. your. mouth. shut?” it hissed. “I’m best suited for this first introduction. We learned that last time. You’ll get your turn once he’s calmed down.”
Flapping a hand like a mouth beside its face, the twin in black spoke several silent words, making the twin in white shake its head.
“You aren’t seeing things. Well, you are, but we’re perfectly real, not figments of your mind,” it said. “In case you were wondering.”
Not crazy. According to twins of me, both of whom the Esela in the arena hadn’t seen.
Yeah, sure. I hadn’t lost it.
My lungs, having remembered their need for air, had begun working again, but they were in overdrive with hyperventilation about to ensue.
So, I peeled myself away from all thoughts about my sanity. I retreated from the terror pounding through my body, and as I’d learned when I was a boy, I detached, focusing not on the problem but on how to solve it.
Fortunately, unlike the moments following Eledis’ revelation of my heritage, I had tangible means of unravelling this conundrum.
Tangible. Ha!
“If you’re not figments, then what in the void are you?” I snapped before glancing toward the other side of the clinic.
I’d spoken more loudly than I’d intended, and the last thing I wanted was to wake up the boy lying several cots over. After what had happened during our first trial, Dath would probably want to kill me, even if I didn’t provoke him further, but if he saw me talking to thin air…
“A good question, if a little crassly put.”
I snapped my attention back to my twins, where the one in white was gently smiling at me.
“In answer,” it said, “we are -zzz-.”
At that buzzing noise, it stopped, rocking in place, and laughing, the twin in black collapsed on the cot. It rolled across the blanket, incessantly teasing its counterpart, until it started buzzing as well. Shooting upright, it spat something in a high-pitched screech before swiping at its exposed tongue, and I relaxed, sinking into my pillow.
“Oh, you’re Bright and Dim,” I said, pointing to each of them.
“Who’re you calling dim, useless whelp?” the twin in black growled before gasping.
With an evil grin, it ran through a list of profanities, some of which I’d never heard before, presumably in a test of its voice.
“So, the nicknames did stick,” Bright said. “I wasn’t sure, even when you woke up after…”
It fell silent, so I finished that sentence for it.
“Teron and Fissid?”
Dim snapped its mouth shut, shifting its attention away from me.
“I’m sorry for that, by the way,” it said.
Frowning, I asked, “How are you, in any way, at fault for what happened?”
Bright was also looking at Dim, although it appeared more befuddled than me, and flicking its eyes to us, Dim bent double, snickering and slapping its knees.
“You think… I meant… the fire and killings?” it gasped. “No. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you more.”
That made much more sense.
“You and Bright did plenty,” I said. “I’d have died in that fire without your guidance.”
Wincing, Bright said, “Still. Your poor hands…”
My hands were fine. Over the last week, Rhylix had been overly attentive with them. The skin across my palms was still stiff, but that should ease with time, or so I’d been told.
Regardless, the reason I’d escaped Fissid with such minimal injuries was because of these two.
These two who’d been distinctly unable to talk when we’d arrived in Allanovian. What had changed?
Lifting my head off of the wall, I narrowed my eyes at my anomalies, watching Dim give Bright an incredulously dubious look.
“What do you mean ‘your poor hands’?” it asked, almost sarcastically.
Before Bright could respond, I said, “What are you two?”
I’d been exceedingly quiet, almost hadn’t heard my own question, but Bright and Dim whipped their heads toward me anyway.
“I think we can assume that the block on our communication hasn’t lifted yet,” Bright said, “and identity seems a forbidden subject. For now.”
“What stuffy here’s trying to say is we can’t answer that,” Dim said. “Not now. Maybe not ever, although that would be inconvenient.”
So, basically every important question I had would continue to go unanswered, although I’d made some progress with this mystery.
…Why did this situation seem like an echo of another one?
Shaking myself, I said, “So, you’ll be sticking around for a while, then?”
“What else would you expect us to do?” Dim growled. “We can’t exactly go anywhere else.”
Interesting. Did that mean they were attached to me?
Did that matter at the moment? Better to propose a few changes to our situation, changes that would keep me from getting killed. Hopefully.
With caution, I said, “If we can’t discuss what you are—”
And if I can believe you’re real.
“—maybe I can ask inconsequential questions.”
They exchanged a glance that ended with Dim shrugging.
“There’s no harm in trying,” it said. “What’d you have in mind?”
First, something for my safety.
“Can you control when you appear to me?” I asked.
After another glance, Dim drawled, “Yes?”
“In that case…”
How did I put this in a way that wouldn’t offend two… beings?
Yes. Beings I didn’t fully understand. Beings that might or might not have unimaginable power behind them.
“I see you,” I said, “but others do not.”
“Mostly true,” Bright said.
Mostly…? Not the time for tangential questions like that.
“Can we agree that, for the moment, we don’t want people thinking my mind’s snapped?” I asked. “I don’t know what to think of my family’s plans, but what might or might not happen in the future doesn’t matter. With the way my life is, I don’t get the luxury of looking forward. I can only consider the present, and my circumstances demand that I build an army. No one will follow someone with a broken mind or a…”
Hmm. Now, that was a terrifying thought. The stories about primeancers occasionally mentioned that they could talk with the sources of their power, but one of those legendary—and usually reviled—thaumaturges hadn’t walked the world in centuries. They weren’t coming back now.
“No one will follow an unstable man or a primeancer into battle,” I continued, chuckling to myself. “So, I have to look stable, yes?”
Turning to Bright, Dim cupped its chin in its hand, obviously passing off responsibility for answering this question, and its counterpart glared back.
“Your argument makes logical sense. At this point in time, others’ perception of you greatly matters,” it carefully said before facing me. “What does that have to do with us?”
“Well,” I drawled, “if you two, or more importantly, that one—”
I pointed at Dim, who was swaying back and forth while humming under its breath.
“—hang around me, my eyes are likely to drift your way, and soon enough, someone will notice if I’m staring into nothing. My family might dismiss something like that. I played with imaginary friends often enough as a child but other people? I don’t think so. So, could you only appear to me when I’m alone? Or in danger, I suppose. Is that too much to ask?”
I cringed, expecting one of them to explode on me for my soft criticism, but neither did. Bright merely looked thoughtful while Dim continued with its antics.
“As always, your suggestion is reasonable. We can do as you’ve asked,” Bright said, “although we should discuss it again later.”
“For the love of me, can you, for once in your existence, not hedge your bets?” Dim snarled before softening. “We’ll give you space, kid. Got anything else for us?”
Second, something for my peace of mind.
Shifting in bed, I asked, “Must you look like that? Like me, I mean. It makes talking with you…”
What was the right word for it?
I never got to decide. Between blinks, two copies of my visage were replaced with Eledis, and yelping, I slapped a hand over my eyes.
“Not him!” I hissed. “Anyone but him!”
“What would you prefer, then?” one of the two asked.
“I don’t know. Nothing that you’ve used so far,” I said. “These appearances are disguises, I’m guessing? Something to keep me calm. Obviously, what you’re trying isn’t working. So, why don’t you show me what you really look like?”
In the silence that followed, I almost lowered my hand, but I didn’t want to see two copies of my grandfather again. A single instance of that had been enough, thank you.
“Are you sure about this?”
No, of course I wasn’t, but Bright and Dim’s natural appearances couldn’t be worse than the versions of them I’d already seen, right?
“Yes,” I said.
“Then, look.”
“See.”
With my heart in my throat, I peeked through my fingers, and when I saw what lay on the other side, I lost control of my body, letting my hands thump on the cot.
To my left, where Bright had been perched, a swirl of white light and rigid peace spilled into the room while to the right, where Dim had lounged, a miasma of darkness pooled and crept forth, screaming of pain and fear and insanity.
Between them, a war was playing out in miniature. Light resisted darkness until those shadows grew protrusions, sending the enemy into retreat. So, it went with both sides pushing and shoving against their foe, but nothing resolved.
I watched this, and the longer I did, the more the battlefield enlarged until it surrounded me, and I was strung between the two combatants. They rushed into me, a new vessel waiting to be filled with one or the other, but neither could claim dominance. They ripped at each other inside of me, and as they did so, pieces of me, the core of me, were sucked into this conflict, and I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what-
Somewhere far distant, a voice I recognized was keening at deafening volumes with such wretched grief there, but any desire I might have had to help this unfortunate being was consumed by my own personal hell.
And abruptly, I was lying against a stone wall with my muscles twitching, and my twins were staring at me with glittering eyes.
“Fascinating,” Bright said. “Every time-”
Something soft and fluffy hit my face, and when it fell into my lap, Dim and Bright had vanished.
“Shut… up. Trying to sleep.”
Sluggishly, I glanced toward the voice’s source in time to watch Dath collapsing into his cot again. I’d woken him up. Damn.
In increments, I tested my ability to move, eventually sliding to my feet. Grabbing the pillow, I tottered toward Dath, unsteadily tucking it under his head when I reached him.
Alouin, why did I feel so drained?
Shakily, I started back toward my own cot, only making it so far before my legs gave out. Fortunately, my body had gotten used to hitting stone over the last few weeks, so I didn’t flinch when I hit the ground.
Instead, I leaned against a cot. Relaxing there, I waited for energy to replenish in me.
Chapter 20: The Second Trial
Raimie
After waiting for several minutes to regain my energy, I felt ready to stand again. Someone ruined this before I could try.
“Hell, you’ll be one of those types, won’t you?”
A sigh filled the air, quickly followed by.
“Again, I ask. Why are you out of bed?”
Smiling to myself, I lifted a finger toward the other cot.
“Dath threw his pillow at me,” I said. “I had to return it.”
“Of course you did.”
Hanging my wrists from my knees, I waited for the question that I knew was coming.
“Can you stand?”
And there it was.
“Maybe with some help,” I said.
Something clinked on stone, and after a moment, someone clasped my forearms, pulling me up.
“Thanks,” I told Rhylix.
Damn, he looked sour. He was normally so cheery, silly almost. What could have changed that?
“I have a gift for you,” he said.
I raised an eyebrow.
“Really?” I asked. “What type of gift?”
After ensuring that I could stand on my own, Rhylix strode for his clinic’s entrance, retrieving what he’d left there. When he returned, he lifted it to rest on his palms, and my eyes popped. He was offering me a scabbarded sword, nearly identical in appearance to Shadowsteal.
Hesitantly reaching for it, I asked, “May I?”
On receiving a nod, I slid the blade free a few inches before biting my lip.
“This is well made,” I said.
“I should hope so,” Rhylix said. “I paid quite a lot for its forging.”
I shot my eyes up to him, dropping my hold on the sword.
“You did?” I asked.
With a faint smile, Rhylix said, “Yes. It’s my gift to you, remember?”
And something hissed inside of me. I took a step back.
“Why?” I asked.
Rhylix furrowed his brow.
“Because I could,” he said. “Because you’ll want a weapon after you pass your second trial and also for reasons that I will tell you after you’ve passed it. But for now, you’ll have to believe that I’m giving this to you with no strings attached.”
He slammed the sword into its scabbard.
“Speaking of your second trial, Allanovian’s Council has finished preparing for it,” he said. “I’m supposed to bring you to them.”
“Already?” I squeaked before lowering my volume. “What am I thinking? Of course they wouldn’t give me time to recover.”
Softly laughing, Rhylix said, “You’re learning.”
Without another word, he led the way out of his clinic. I’d been mentally mapping every route that I’d taken in Allanovian so far, and while it was by no means complete, I understood most of the city’s layout by now. So, when we turned onto a hallway and doors made of stone came into view, I wasn’t surprised.
Rhylix stopped before we could enter the arena beyond, and when he turned around, his face was fixed in an atypical state of severity.
“I’m sorry for what you’ll experience within,” he said. “Please, know that it wasn’t my choice.”
At this, the hair all over my body stood on end.
“I understand what it’s like to be forced into an unwanted situation better than most,” I said. “Why are you so tense about it?”
Shaking his head, Rhylix said, “I can’t tell you.”
Without looking behind him, he rested his gifted sword against one of the doors.
“Silverblade will be waiting for you once you’ve finished,” he said, “and after you walk back through those doors, you’ll be a Zrelnach, able to carry weapons in Allanovian to your heart’s content. So don’t worry about that stricture. Now. You’ll need to drink this.”
Withdrawing a flask from his cloak, he offered it to me, and I took it with trepidation. Why did this trial that had the Eselan on edge?
Still, I uncorked the flask and drained it. While its contents tasted like water, they were oily in nature, which had me coughing. Rhylix took the emptied flask, guiding me toward the gap between stone.
“Good luck,” he said. “I’ll be watching, as will the rest of Allanovian, unfortunately.”
Why did he sound so irritated about that?
No matter. I had bigger problems to handle right now.
After the long hike here, I felt more recovered from Bright and Dim’s unveiling of their natures, but something in the core of me felt…. drained. I didn’t know how else to put it. Hopefully, this second trial wouldn’t require much combat because otherwise I was fucked. Again.
The scene inside the arena was much the same as before: the whole of Allanovian gathered with four Eselan sitting behind a table at the ramps’ apex. The only difference I noticed were several bowls, burning red, sitting around the arena while a haze from them rose into the air.
I tried to embody confidence as I strode to the arena’s center point, but it probably didn’t carry to the people watching. Sites of darkened sand, places where my blood had been spilled, kept drawing my gaze, no matter how much I tried to focus on the Council.
Once I’d stopped, the woman in their rank rose.
“Here, we have a human who’s proven it has the martial aptitude to join the Zrelnach’s ranks,” Ferin said. “Now, we shall test its mental fortitude. Challenger, approach me.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
“You… want me to cross the room,” I said. “Is that all?”
Ferin inclined her head, and gritting my teeth, I stepped forward, expecting all manner of trap to spring. As I advanced, the red haze from the bowls thickened, coalescing in front of me, and when I’d reached the halfway point, it sprang into physical being.
A wall of flames spread across the arena to impede my progress. Springing forth almost in front of my nose, it had me tripping backward until I fell into the sand. Panting, I glanced along it, noting no safe way through.
“Seriously?” I gasped. “Fire? Again?”
The Council didn’t respond. Their faces had gone rigid while their eyes were fixed on something that I couldn’t see. Glancing over the other Esela, I noted the same reaction from them with a frown. What was happening?
Clambering to my feet, I approached the wall of flame, but no heat emanated from it. Was it an illusion? The Esela were capable of magic like that, but I couldn’t be sure if that was what I was seeing here.
Still. What choice did I have? I needed the Zrelnach to follow me, and gaining their loyalty meant passing through a possible illusion. If it wasn’t what I thought, could I handle the burns that I’d surely gain? I knew from experience how debilitating those could be now.
Swallowing, I retreated a few steps. I took a deep breath and dashed into the blaze.
Flames flicked around me, tickling as they passed. When agony failed to assault me, I almost burst into tears. I hadn’t been sure that I was right, and if I’d had to relive Fissid…
I shuddered.
The roar flooding my ears reduced to a hum, and I heard someone singing. For some unnatural reason, her voice raised an echo of bliss in me.
The fire surrounding me parted, and I found myself standing over a child, lying on a brook’s bank. Her eyes were closed, and a song was on her lips.
On the other side of the creek, a village peeked through the trees. The girl’s home, perhaps?
That didn’t matter, though. Not yet. The peace that I’d found here soaked into me, and for the first time in a long while, I relaxed.
I didn’t know if this was part of my trial, but for the moment, I didn’t care. I’d enjoy this tranquility while I could, but the idea of leaving the girl unaware of my presence made my skin crawl.
So, I leaned over to nudge her, and when I did, the world fuzzed over, sending me—
—to Allanovian where four Eselan were staring down at me. Shaking my head, I took another step toward them and—
—a drum’s steady beat shattered the forest’s stillness. The girl’s eyes snapped open, staring through me, and a heartbeat later, I barely dodged her leap to her feet. She faced the village with her features set into an expression that I’d never seen before, but when I followed her gaze, I understood.
The village was burning. Like Fissid had. Figures were running from their homes, only to be cut down in the street. Much like Fissid’s residents. The girl’s mouth parted, and the scream that she surely meant to release howled through me as well.
Someone I recognized burst out of the brush further down the stream’s bank. On reflex, I stepped between the girl and a boy, scarred by violence, but I relaxed once recognition fully clicked.
Rhylix dashed through me, leaving me flinching for an impact that was never to come, and when he reached the girl, he took hold of her hand.
“What are you doing, Ren?” he shouted. “Run!”
With a sob, the girl abandoned her home, and Rhylix shoved her toward safety before spinning to watch the town collapse. A dazed look took hold of him, but soon enough, it shifted, and he took a step forward, throwing his arms back. He released a roar so savage that I was locked in place until it stopped tearing through the air. When the noise petered off, Rhylix lowered his head, wiping tears on a sleeve, and sniffing, he whirled to run after the girl.
When he was far distant, though, he paused, glancing over his shoulder, and the world blurred again, making me see double. The plain beyond the boy and the arena overlapped one another, and a child merged with an astonishingly tall healer.
“Raimie!” he yelled. “Watch your back!”
Spinning, I caught sight of people leaping out of the trees. Their eyes were empty, devoid of life, and black vines crisscrossed under every inch of their skin. They flowed around me, chasing after their prey, and almost, I tried to stop them so I could help the children.
I couldn’t, however, distract so many on my own. I wasn’t sure that was humanly possible. So instead, I stood stock still, stuck between wanting to do everything possible to save the kids and needing to save my own life. I should run in the opposite direction, trying to keep these hostiles’ attention off of me, but the kids!
Hell, the hand on my throat was heavy.
It seemed my decision would never have mattered in the first place. Just like the children had before, the monsters chasing them passed right through me, not once looking my way. Right as I started realizing these monsters might not be able to see me, one of them stopped short and—
—a pair of Zrelnach escorted a man through the arena’s stone doors. He shuffled forward and—
—the monster faced me, sniffing the air. The mad light of violence filled its eyes, and flinging its head back, it raised an ululation to the sky. It sprinted at me and—
—the man saw his chance to rush me and—
—I tried to sidestep it, but its shoulder clipped me. We collapsed in a pile of limbs with each of us struggling to gain the upper hand. The monster won, perching on my chest as it pressed down on my throat, and I slapped at the ground for a means of defense.
I found nothing.
Panicking, I grabbed at grimy fingers, slowly prying them apart. Gasping, I pulled one of my hands away from the enemy before smashing my palm into its chest. White light flared all around us, and the monster flew away from me, but it wouldn’t escape me so easily.
It had attacked me. It had killed ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE, the same as Teron had with Fissid. It had meant to chase after and probably murder a pair of CHILDREN, for Alouin’s sake! I followed it with heat spilling over inside, and when I reached it, I rained shadow-covered fists on its flesh until its face was pulped.
Panting, I struggled to rein in this uncontrollable BURN, licking along every inch of my body, but by the time I’d manage that, it was too late. The monster’s body was limp, and I knew it was dead.
The village’s fire spread, quickly reaching the stream. It surrounded me, and the familiar agony of burning flesh filled my mind.
When the arena gained dominance once more, I was kneeling in its sand. The world was so… crisp, like what I’d known before stepping into the fire except- except-
Something sticky was coating my face, but when I wiped it clean, it was only transferred to my fingers. Absently, I rubbed them together while processing everything around me.
The Esela, including this village’s Council, were staring at me. Yes, that was right.
Rhylix was watching me with pity. Yes.
My family’s eyes were transfixed on me with horror. No.
That was wrong.
Why were they looking at me like that?
The gumminess between my fingers attracted my attention, and when I wiped it away on my clothes, my gaze followed my hand down.
Where a man was lying beneath me.
What…? Why was he there? Why were his eyes-?
His eyes were empty.
For one dumbstruck moment, I glanced between that blank stare and my red-stained fingers before choking on a scream. Panic took control, guiding my movement, and when I pushed the emotion down, I was leaning against a ramp’s walls with my stomach contents splattering on the ground.
I kept repeating the same question in my head.
What? What?
My mind’s eye kept skipping to the same image.
Dead eyes peering above a caved-in face.
And I raised my fist, coated in red with rust more deeply engrained in its knuckles.
I- I- I-
Roaring, I sprinted for the dais with its table and the Councilwoman who’d started this. When I reached the arena’s edge, I leapt for my target, surprised by the height I gained, but before I could get anywhere close to Ferin, the Zrelnach on either side of the table moved, slamming into me as they fell. When they pinned me to the ground, I snarled at them, fighting their hold with all my strength, and a boy yet to understand what had happened screamed at the top of his lungs.
“Let me go! Gods, please. Let me go!”
Something thumped beside me while a face framed by blonde hair drew closer.
“I’m so sorry,” Ferin said. “Welcome to the Zrelnach ranks.”
She disappeared before barking for my captors to release me, and I was left sobbing on the ground.
Distantly, I heard someone dismiss the crowd. Distantly, I listened to the tromp of feet as the arena was emptied. Distantly, I saw family and friends hover over me. Distantly, I watched someone tell the only people I loved to give me space.
And from a distance, I climbed to my feet. I stood over the man I’d killed, both seeing and ignoring the mess I’d made, before trudging to the arena’s stone doors, aware somewhere in the back of my mind that Rhylix was trailing me.
Once outside, I retrieved a sword that had been set aside. Rhylix had been right. I very much wanted this weapon in my hand, now that my second trial was over.
Chapter 21: Blood on My Hands
Raimie
I wanted out. Out of this town, carved into the mountainside. Out of this new life with its uncertainties and expectations. Out of this turmoil, raging like a gale inside of me.
Unfortunately, I could only escape from one of those at the moment, and the dazed fog enveloping me, like I’d been thwacked upside the head one too many times, wasn’t helping with that. A film covered my sight and hearing while fuzzy hands stopped me from running into walls and garbled voices indignantly shouted nearby.
Somehow, I made it outside, and the smack of a breeze returned a small amount of clarity to me. It was enough to see that I’d gotten lost in the woods with only the mountains at my side to serve as a beacon.
It was also enough to hear the white noise of flowing water nearby.
Naturally gravitating toward the creek, I soon stood beside it with its water pooling in a hollow at my feet. I crouched, reaching to take this life-giving sustenance for myself, and a rippling image disturbed its green and blue surface.
A stranger was looking back at me. I saw my body, but it wasn’t mine, too tightly coiled like a snake set to spring. It was my face but not, too dazed like a boy who’d lost his mother. It was my eyes but not, with their color a hard contrast against the red splotched around them.
This was what I focused on: a dead man’s blood drying in sprays across my cheeks, in clumps through a mass of hair, in a wide smear over a jaw. None of which could be mine.
But those features were mine. This stranger’s face belonged to me, no matter what denial might say.
Trembling, I scooped water from the creek, splashing it on my face, but the red droplets that splattered across my reflection quickly dissolved into the pool, changing nothing in the image. So, I tried again, scrubbing this time, but still, a stranger stared at me from the water’s surface.
Gritting my teeth, I drenched myself in water, bringing more to my face one scoop at a time. I rubbed my skin until I could swear that I’d dug into the bone beneath, making my palms’ flesh crack, but nothing would clean the blood off of me. Nothing could remove the stain embedded into my essence.
I didn’t stop trying, though, not until someone caught my wrists, holding them together.
“Stop. It won’t help.”
Jerking free of that grip, I shrunk away from Rhylix, who was crouching beside me. His expression was blank, as if he knew that anything else might make me snap. I’d forgotten he was following me.
“What won’t help?” I croaked.
Shaking his head, Rhylix turned toward something lying behind him.
“You dropped this,” he said.
When he extended Silverblade to me, a glint of light from its hilt beamed into my eyes, and I tore my gaze off of it, blindly reaching for the weapon. Curling my fingers around its grip, I pulled the sheathed blade atop my knees, staring through it to what it meant for me.
“Did you know?” I asked.
Shifting, Rhylix said, “I knew it was a possibility. Queen Kaedesa sends the worst of criminals to Allanovian for this purpose. But it was only one option out of the many that the Council could have chosen from. I hoped that you’d receive another test.”
A criminal. I’d killed someone who’d already been condemned.
Why didn’t knowing this help? Could anything relieve the aching guilt inside of me, compounding on what had happened in Fissid?
I lifted Silverblade, pulling a few inches of the blade free.
To this point, I hadn’t considered what following my family’s proposed course of action would involve, which had been a mistake. We’d be leading a rebellion, a struggle against an oppressor, a war, and what always happened during such violent events? How much blood would this sword spill before it was over or I was dead?
How would I handle the weight of so many lives ended?
“Have you ever killed someone?” I asked.
I doubted Rhylix had. He was a healer, someone who preserved life.
“Many people, a long time ago,” Rhylix said.
I jerked toward him, almost falling, and at my gaping stare, Rhylix nodded.
“Where I’m from, you start killing at a young age,” he said. “You have to.”
Rising to his full height, he offered me a hand, but once I was on my feet, I backed away from him. Despite the sorrow I saw in Rhylix, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be near someone who could admit to ending lives as a child.
“What kingdom forces something so horrible from someone so young?” I asked.
I couldn’t imagine such a place. Ada’ir had its cruelties, to be sure, but nothing like what Rhylix had described.
“Oh, I suppose I never told you,” he said. “I’m an Audish refugee. The place you’re asking about is the one you’re meant to save.”
I stopped breathing.
Rhylix was from Auden? How had he reached Ada’ir? What could he share about the situation in that foreign nation?
Above those questions, however, I found something of greater interest.
“The girl in my vision. Ren,” I said. “Who was she to you, and what happened to her?”
There must be a reason that she was no longer in his life.
Rhylix stiffened with his jaw clenched.
Turning away from me, he said, “She was my sister, and she died. Because of me.”
And my wariness of Rhylix puffed into smoke. Well did I know that look. It was one that I wore every time I remembered a horrible, defining moment from nine years ago.
What happened behind the stone doors has cured my fever, and I skip behind my father as we return to our quarters.
“I’m sorry I fought those people, dad, but they scared me,” I say. “Were they angry?’’
“No, Raimie. I think they expected you to fight.”
Hearing that makes me feel better. I hate it when someone’s unhappy with me. My father’s right as well, though. Considering how long I’ve been sick, it’s no wonder I fought.
Just how long have I been sick? The days may have been blurred, but I remember them. Considering that, I know we’ve stayed in this underground city for about five days, which means…
Today’s my birthday!
At the realization, I unintentionally infuse a bounce into my step, and my father’s silence takes on a new meaning.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“To see your mother.”
My glee gets smaller at that. My mother, still caught in fever’s grip…
Her state doesn’t change what today is, though, and I’ll enjoy every second of it.
A hush holds my mother’s room captive with our footfalls like claps of thunder in it. A gray-eyed woman rises from beside my mother’s bed. Clasping her hands in front of her, she meets my father’s gaze.
“I’m terribly sorry.”
She says nothing more, and my father falls to his knees. I bounce my eyes between the adults, and when my father grinds the heels of his palms into his eyes, I go to the bed.
On it, my mother lies still.
“Mama,” I say, jostling her.
She needs to wake up. She needs to sing her homeland’s special birthday song, but she won’t move.
“Mama, wake up.”
Resting a hand on my shoulder, my father says, “She won’t wake up, Raimie. She’s not with us anymore.”
What a strange thing to say. I can see her right there.
“If she’s gone, where did she go?” I ask.
With a strangled noise, my father whisks me out of the room.
“Son, she fought the fever like you did, but in her case, it won and she-”
A sob momentarily cuts off the explanation.
“She died.”
Furrowing my brow, I ask, “Mama’s dead?”
My father jerks his head in a nod, and I continue.
“I killed my mother?”
Taking a step back, my father gasps with his voice gone.
“I killed my mother,” I repeat.
Spinning, I run from a newly made source of pain.
“My sister and I fled the Kiraak, those black-vined people you saw,” Rhylix said, “but not long after that, she-”
I flung a hand up to stop him.
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I said. “It’s my fault that my mother’s dead, so I understand.”
“Oh.”
Wincing, Rhylix faced me once more.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to bring up something like that.”
“It’s… fine. My mother’s death can distract me from what happened earlier,” I said.
A mashed-to-pulp face sprang into my mind unbidden, and bile surged up my throat, barely swallowed.
How had I done so much damage to that man? Through a battle surge?
What else could it have been? A bare fist couldn’t cave in a skull like mine had. I didn’t think.
Shaking my head, I said, “So, you’re Audish, huh? What’s that like?”
Relaxing, Rhylix grinned at me.
“You tell me,” he said. “You’re Audish too, if distantly.”
Well, that had obviously been an attempt to duck the question, but I didn’t mind. Every second spent talking to Rhylix lessened the force of the storm beneath my calm façade, slowly pulling me into a drowning haze. So, I happily moved on to my next question.
“How did you get to Ada’ir?” I asked. “As far as I know, the last surge of Audish refugees ended a few decades ago.”
“True, but that hasn’t stopped pirates and the occasional smuggler from visiting my homeland,” Rhylix said. “I was lucky enough to connive my way aboard one of their ships, and after many struggles, I made my way to Allanovian about ten years ago.”
Ten years. Which meant that, if I was right about visiting this city when my mother had died, Rhylix would have been here for that. I didn’t remember seeing him among the people who’d treated us then, though. So…
“Have you always been a healer here?” I asked. “I’ve noticed the way the other Esela despise you, and that can’t be because they dislike your profession. They’re not nearly as hateful toward other healers.”
“Ah, yes. That,” Rhylix said, making a face.
He said nothing more, seemingly lost in thought, and I resisted the urge to snap my fingers in his face.
“And?” I drawled.
Taking a deep breath, Rhylix said, “And when I first came to Allanovian, I joined the ranks of the Zrelnach trainees. Because of my past, I excelled there, but for reasons I’d rather not discuss, I refused initiation after my trials. I left the Zrelnach to take up the only other profession I’ve had, and Allanovian has reviled me since.”
A Zrelnach. He’d been one of the superior soldiers that I was trying to recruit, and he’d admitted that they hated him. I should distance myself now, removing the possibility that they might transfer that disdain to me but…. I couldn’t. Why?
Deflating, Rhylix nodded, as if to himself.
“You’re wondering why you shouldn’t cut your feeble ties with me,” he said. “It’s smart, and I wouldn’t blame you for doing it. I’ll only impede this part of your quest.”
I sucked in a breath while fire flashed through me.
“My quest. My quest?” I squeaked. “It’s not fucking mine. I’m going along with it because I have to, but hell if I wouldn’t abandon it the first chance I get, especially after… that.”
I waved toward Allanovian with a roar building in my ears and heat stinging my eyes. Something unwanted took hold of me, forcing long-retained words into the open.
“I don’t want to- to kill anyone, and that’s what this godsdamn quest will force from me. And for what? Some kingdom I’ve never seen where children learn how to kill? I’m sorry, Rhy. I know it’s your home, but I don’t want to save it, not when it means more blood on my hands. Not when working toward that goal means losing the first friend I’ve made since-”
Since when? And why had I called Rhylix my friend?
Crashing back into my body, I found him looking at me with clinical detachment. The same intimidating aura from when I’d last challenged my so-called destiny was emanating from him, and when he cocked his head, I flinched.
“You consider me a friend,” he said with his voice dead. “Why?”
That was surprising. I’d thought for sure that concerns for Auden would next come out of his mouth, but no. Rhylix had echoed my unspoken question, which meant I had to answer it now.
“You saved my life. You’ve fixed me up multiple times. You’ve been nothing but kind and caring toward me,” I said. “I actually like you, which is unusual for me. Why wouldn’t I call you my friend?”
Still blank, Rhylix said, “Is that what friendship is? Two people who enjoy one another’s company enough to spend time together?”
“What else would it be?” I asked.
Granted, I didn’t have many examples to go off of, but why did that matter? Wasn’t it enough that I didn’t want to lose Rhylix because of a stupid social stigma?
“Huh. It’s been a while since anyone… it’s been a while,” Rhylix said. “My last friend was like a brother to me, but I suppose it takes time and effort to get a relationship to that point.”
“Maybe,” I said. “I wouldn’t know.”
I ducked my head, barely catching Rhylix’s smile.
“We’ll have to find out together, then, won’t we?” he said.
Raising my head, I shot a questioning look at Rhylix, and he nodded.
“Over the last week, I’ve grown to know you fairly well, and I think we could be great friends, Raimie,” he said. “I also think this quest is more yours than you realize. Once you reach Auden, you might find that you relate to the people there. They’re more like you than you realize. Also, you missed the most important part of me being a Zrelnach in all but name.”
I wanted to address Rhylix’s assertions about Auden, but I didn’t think he’d allow it. So, I responded the only way I could.
“What’s that?”
“I can teach you how to fight,” Rhylix said. “I can show you how to resist a hostile long enough to retreat, if such a thing is possible. If you mean to travel to Auden, even if only to satisfy your family, you should learn the skill.”
He was right, much as I hated to admit it.
“You’d be willing to teach me?” I asked. “Even after everything I said about Auden?”
Nodding, Rhylix said, “Even still.”
“Then…”
What should I do? I’d never wanted to learn how to fight, perfectly happy with my ignorance, but with Auden as a guaranteed part of my future, I should at least learn the basics. Right?
“I’d be grateful for any lessons you can give me,” I said.
“Let’s start, then,” Rhylix said.
He whipped a sword from beneath his cloak, and I skittered backward with my lungs set into overdrive.
Once I realized I wasn’t in danger, I panted, “Now?”
At my display, Rhylix raised an eyebrow.
“Do you have something better to do?” he asked.
Remembering everything waiting for me in Allanovian, I grimaced.
“I don’t,” I said. “Teach me. I suppose.”
I hefted Silverblade, and Rhylix showed me a feral grin.
“I bet you can’t disarm me,” he said.
A growl escaped from me while something animalistic rose in response to the challenge.
“I’ll take that bet,” I said.
Instinct wasn’t guiding me, but it didn’t matter. I attacked.
Chapter 22: Return to Society
Raimie
Everything hurt. All of my muscles were crying of overuse, and the small bruises forming under my skin would soon mark any slight damage I'd received. Still, I followed Rhylix with a spring in my step.
“So, what am I gathering again?” I asked. “Chamomile and aloe, right? Is there anything else?’
“That’ll do,” Rhylix said. “I’m guessing you know what the herbs look like?”
I chuckled.
“Of course I do,” I said. “You have no idea how often I needed them while growing up.”
Glancing askance at me, Rhylix asked, “Why’s that?”
What a good question. I didn’t know how to answer it without embarrassing myself, so I gave the Eselan an honest reply.
“When I was small, I played with an imaginary friend. Our antics usually ended with me hurt in one way or another, so I became well acquainted with healing herbs. I stopped such childishness after my mother died, though.”
“I see,” Rhylix said.
But how else was he supposed to respond? Who had an imaginary friend when they reached nine years of age? No one I knew. So, I cringed in preparation of anything more Rhylix might want to say.
Fortunately, Allanovian emerged from behind concealing trees at that moment, revealing my father pacing in front of the waterfall hiding its entrance.
“Raimie! You have to do something,” he said as we approached. “Eledis has been shouting at Allanovian’s Council for a solid half hour, and I don’t know how much longer it can go without someone getting violent. I need your help to stop the argument before that happens.”
Suppressing a groan, I met Rhylix’s eyes before shrugging. The herbs would have to wait.
“Eledis is trying to get himself killed again? Alouin, when will he learn?” I said. “All right. Let’s rescue him for the millionth time.”
How many times had my father and I pulled the old man out of a bar fight or something equally as dangerous? How many times would we enable his incitive nature? Eventually, it would end with one of us hurt.
“Where are they?” I asked.
“I’ll take you to them,” my father said. “Will the healer join us?”
Shaking his head, Rhylix said, “The healer has better things to do than settle a squabble between a human and my people.”
Grimacing, I waved my new friend on. How I wished I could escape with him.
“Off with you, then,” I said.
Rhylix bowed to me and my father.
“I’d wish you luck,” he said, “but I suppose two honorary Zrelnach don’t need such a fickle thing.”
Stiffening, I glared at Rhylix. Why would he remind me of the trial that I’d undertaken just a few hours before?
At Rhylix’s words, however, my father went still, fixing his eyes on him as if asking permission for something. If he was looking for approval, the healer didn’t give it. He merely rose from his bow and strode away.
Biting his lip, my father crossed his arms, keeping his eyes fixed on where Rhylix had disappeared.
After a moment, I cautiously asked, “Shall we?”
My father jumped, shaking himself.
“Yes, let’s get to Eledis,” he said, “preferably before he does something stupid.”
He led me around the waterfall and through the cave entrance behind it, following in Rhylix’s footsteps. Since I saw no sign of my friend, I assumed our paths diverged from there, but of others, I saw plenty.
They still stared at the humans in their midst, but no hostility radiated from them now. Instead, disquiet hovered over them, visible in their set shoulders and pinched eyes.
I resisted this aura with a bounce in my step, distractedly humming while I examined my surroundings. To date, I’d been contained in a portion of Allanovian that had been carved out of the mountain. Its corridors had abnormally smooth walls with its chambers too regularly paced.
What my father and I were hurrying through looked more natural. The path meandered, bordering cavernous pockets that featured multiple cave formations, and where it plunged between these caves, its height and width varied, although it never got tight around the people who walked down it. Allanovian’s citizens must have made it more comfortable over the years.
Ahead of me, my father said, “You seem better. Usually, it takes a newly initiated Zrelnach longer to recover from their second trial, especially when it’s of the variety you underwent. Are you detaching again?”
I slowed down as all liveliness was stripped from me.
“What else am I supposed to do?” I asked. “Now that I’ve proven myself to this city’s Council, I doubt we’ll stay here for long, especially with everyone so eager to commence the foretelling. I won’t have time to process what happened, not until we’re on the open road again, and if I let myself dwell on it before then, I…”
I wasn’t sure what would happen, but it wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone involved.
Sighing, my father said, “You know I don’t approve of how you repress yourself like this, but for once, I think you’re right to do it, if only for a time. I’m here for when you want to talk.”
“I appreciate that,” I said.
I couldn’t add more as at that moment, cacophonous screeching burst from a room ahead of us.
“This’ll be fun,” my father grumbled.
He started forward but halted when I threw an arm in front of him.
“That want me, right? Their blasted foretold leader,” I said. “That’s why they’re refusing to hear whatever Eledis has to say.”
My father reluctantly nodded, so I continued on.
“I’ll deal with this. Considering how much you and Eledis don’t get along, having you in the room probably wouldn’t be helpful. Instead, can you…? I don’t know. Maybe we can talk later? I’d like to-”
This weight on my chest needed to be lifted, and while Rhylix’s first lesson in sword fighting, teaching me basic forms and disarms, had helped somewhat, he wasn’t family. I needed someone I could share everything with, knowing I wouldn’t be judged. I needed my father.
Resting a hand on my shoulder, my father squeezed it.
“An excellent idea. In fact, I have something to tell you too,” he said. “Find me in the Zrelnach’s common room once you’re done here, and we’ll discuss things over drinks. Do you know where that is?”
I shook my head.
“But I’m sure that if I ask an Eselan dressed in black, they’ll be happy to show me,” I added.
“That’s my smart boy,” my father said.
After patting my cheek, he lingered as if wanting to say more before putting the shouting match to his back. I faced it, gritting my teeth as I came closer. Without giving myself time to think about what I was doing, I entered the source of the argument.
Chapter 23: Trip Planning
Raimie
The chamber I entered was quite cozy, or it would have been if not for the room’s occupants. Bending over a paper-strewn table, Eledis had gone red in the face, repeatedly jabbing a finger at the map below his hands. One of the men on the Council matched him in shade and volume while another had crossed his arms with a foot jittering, and the third watched everything from his chair, holding folded hands in front of his lips. The only woman in the room looked bored, inspecting her fingernails with a hand on the hilt of a dagger, but when I joined them, she flicked her eyes to me.
Our gazes met, gray to blue, and something in the back of my mind hissed its displeasure. To her credit, Ferin flinched when confronted with someone she’d recently made a murderer, which was good. I didn’t like my chances if anger had had me attacking her.
Never removing my eyes from the commander, I cocked my head as if puzzled by the scene in front of me.
“What’s going on?” I asked. “I thought we were finally on the same side. Why are we shouting at one another?”
Everyone in the room flipped toward me, which had too much attention turned my way, and the room distorted until strangers, filling the ramps on all sides, glared down at me. Locking up, I ran my eyes over those gathered here, unsure what new horror they might demand from me. I should retreat, fleeing as fast as I could through Allanovian, before they could hurt me again.
“Oh, Raimie. You’re here,” Eledis said. “Come. Join us. Maybe you can talk sense into these people, who should be doing what we say now.”
And the hold on me broke.
“Why?” I asked.
Striding into the chamber, I absently ran a finger along a map of the Fractured Peaks. On noting that it was marked with new labels, ones I’d never recorded in my mental index, I lifted it higher, but after modifying the map in my head, I returned to holding Ferin’s gaze.
“All I’ve done is prove that I’m worthy of becoming a Zrelnach, if I wanted to. My only other claim to this supposed foretelling is Shadowsteal, and let’s face it. We can never be sure whether the sword that I found is the legendary blade in truth,” I said. “And what have you done to garner the Council’s support besides be a descendant of the Audish royal line, grandfather?”
Eledis was glaring at me. I could feel it even as Ferin broke eye contact to exchange glances with the other Council members.
“Young one…” said one of the men. “None of us are in doubt about what you found. Why are you? Can’t you hear its ringing?’
Everyone dropped their eyes to the sword hanging at Eledis’ side, and I frowned. Was this what my grandfather had been talking about when he’d said Shadowsteal would draw the Audish to it for a time? And if so, why was it silent for me?
Should I truthfully answer the Councilman’s question? If I did, my lack of something that only the Audish could hear might prove I wasn’t who they thought I was. They seemed to believe their ‘foretold one’ would have Audish blood running through their veins, and if I didn’t measure up to that expectation, I might lose their support.
Considering how awful I was at lying, though, speaking anything but the truth seemed like a bad idea.
“No, I don’t hear anything like that,” I said. “A ringing sound lured me to it in the first place, but since touching it, I’ve heard nothing.”
A ripple spread over those gathered here, and I wondered how I’d disturbed them. They weren’t reacting the way I’d expected.
“May I ask what you were arguing about?” I said, eager to change the subject.
Shaking herself, Ferin said, “Routes to the Narrow Sea, among other things.”
“Other things being the number of Zrelnach who will accompany us and what sort of supplies Allanovian will provide, as per their long-held promise,” Eledis grumbled.
At this, my frown became a smile. I’d heard of this promise, the one originating in Allanovian’s founders. I didn’t understand why a promise made by people long-dead should apply to their descendants, but voicing my doubt didn’t seem wise.
After what Teron had done to Fissid, I was under no illusion that my family and I could stay here. I couldn’t explain how or why we’d gone for so long without another of Doldimar’s minions attacking us, but I was grateful for the lucky break, even while knowing it couldn’t last.
We needed to leave. Quickly. And despite how much it made me squirm, I’d extract everything I could from Allanovian, especially if it meant my family had a better chance of surviving.
“I’m sure the Council knows how much their people can provide,” I said, “just as I’m sure that my father’s friends among the Zrelnach can verify their choice. Now, what’s this about our route?”
Around the map I’d raised, I watched the Council members stiffen. Had they been planning to volunteer only the bare minimum of provisions, enough to get my family out of Allanovian?
If that was the case, why didn’t it surprise me? Did I have so little faith in people?
Eledis, on the other hand, let his muscles loosen while a smirk crawled across his face. He would be pleased, so long as he got what he wanted. The old man had never cared how he achieved his goals, merely that he did.
“Even if Allanovian gave us all of its food, we couldn’t skirt the Fractured Peaks to a viable harbor before our people started starving, and I don’t like our chances of finding other sources of food along the way, not for a group as large as ours would presumably be,” he said. “I’d like to set sail from Sev, the closest of the Robzul city states, as it would mean less interference from Queen Kaedesa. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not deal with charges of treason on top of everything else. That means circumnavigating the mountain range, which will add weeks to our travel time. Our honorable Council members have argued that we should choose a closer port to disembark from. I, respectfully, disagree. The risk of starvation will be worth escaping the notice of Ada’ir’s Queen.”
Lowering the map to the table, I hummed to myself. I had a possible answer for Eledis’ problem, but I’d always liked gathering every detail about a problem before discussing solutions.
“Who would come with us?” I asked. “Zrelnach alone or will we have civilians joining us too?”
The red-faced Councilman turned a deeper shade of crimson.
“You want more than the Zrelnach to leave with you?” he snarled.
“Did I say that?” I asked. “I just want to know what sort of people my family will be traveling with. I know Rhylix has expressed interest in joining us. Has anyone else expressed a similar desire, or is it only him?”
“That coward?” one of the men said with a sniff. “Please. You don’t need to worry about anyone following his example.”
Pausing, I wrinkled my nose.
“Coward?” I said to myself. “Why would anyone think Rhy’s a coward?”
In her corner, Ferin sucked in a quiet gasp, but the men presented me with expressions that ranged from incredulous to mildly curious.
“Forgive me, young one,” the curious one said, “but during your recent trial, what vision did you see?”
What the hell did my second Zrelnach trial have to do with my question?
“I saw Rhylix rescue his little sister before fleeing an overwhelming force,” I answered with a frown. “A ridiculous number of people were coming from his hometown, trying to run them down, and I-”
I couldn’t think about what I’d done after that.
“And behavior like that doesn’t scream cowardly to you?” the irate Councilman said.
“No…” I drawled. “It seems perfectly logical. Why fight an enemy that will massacre you when you can live to fight another day?”
The men seemed to find what I’d said mighty disgruntling, but after a beat, Ferin burst into laughter.
“He’s right,” she gasped. “Alouin help me for breaking the Zrelnach mold by saying this, but the kid’s right. Given what we saw during the trial, Rhy’s actions make the most tactical sense.”
…Given what they’d seen? Had people other than myself seen Rhylix’s memory, and if so, how many? Why had he allowed such an invasion of his privacy?
“Can we return to the original question, please?” Eledis grumbled. “Should we expect civilians with us on our journey?”
Wincing, the annoyed Councilman said, “Doubtful. Why does it matter?”
“Every detail is relevant when making a plan,” I said before freezing.
Where had that come from?
“At least, I think it’s so,” I continued.
The Council and Eledis were staring at me, but I wasn’t quite sure what they wanted. I held perfectly still while a random ache of loss pulsed through me. When Eledis relaxed with a smile, I nearly collapsed at the release of pressure.
“Do you have a plan?” the older man asked.
“Not as such,” I said. “Only, I noticed a direct path beneath the mountains here.”
I jabbed my finger at the map that I’d recently lowered.
“Why would we skirt the Fractured Peaks when we have that?”
Fixing an indulgent smile in place, the irate Councilman said, “That’s our route to Allanovian’s tear. No one willingly traverses it.”
I cocked my head.
“Why not?”
I’d read of tears before, and because of that, I knew they were considered dangerous, but I’d never learned why. Based on the reactions I was receiving, I gathered that this knowledge might have been commonplace. If so, most authors wouldn’t think to mention it.
“Forgive my grandson,” Eledis said with a tight voice. “He’s lived in isolation for as long as his memory stretches. He doesn’t understand a tear’s effects on people, much less what one is.”
“Ah. I suppose that explains the suggestion,” Ferin said before turning to me. “Tears are known to drive people mad, young warrior. Not many can escape one’s influence. Even still, the exceptionally brave and reckless occasionally take their chance with one because they could find otherworldly items near a tear. Often times, these items are what bolster a nation or town’s economy. All of which is to say that bringing a couple hundred Zrelnach near one would prove exceptionally foolish.”
Dropping my gaze to the map, I weighed what the Zrelnach Commander had said, forcibly ignoring my resistance to her words.
“It seems my general education is lacking. Perhaps over the next few months, someone will see fit to fill in those gaps,” I said, “but for now, I’d ask whether the chance of this proposed disaster is more or less likely than starvation while skirting the mountains. Let’s start there.”
The only calm Councilman lowered his hands to the table, narrowing his eyes.
“He’s made a good point,” he said.
Wait, what? I hadn’t been trying to make a point, merely gather more information, but Ferin cautiously nodded agreement while the incensed Councilman whipped his head between them with his mouth agape.
“You can’t be serious, Shafoth,” he said. “Ferin?”
The Zrelnach Commander shrugged.
“Why should you care what route we take, Hemly?” she said. “You won’t be joining us.”
…Us?
“I’m sorry,” I cut in before anyone else could speak. “You’re coming along?”
Something besides boredom took residence on Ferin’s face while guardedness flickered to life in her eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I?” she asked. “I’m the commander of the armed force that you mean to take. It’s only logical that I accompany you.”
It was. That didn’t mean I wanted it. Did I have a feasible way of refusing her help, though?
“Forgive me. I thought your duties on the Council might keep you here,” I said. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“Oh, I’m not offended, just confused,” Ferin said, “but you cleared that up for me. Not to worry. If I have my way, the remnant of Zrelnach left here won’t be large enough to warrant a Councilor any longer.”
“I see,” I said.
How unfortunate.
With a slight smile, Ferin turned to Eledis.
“Do you object to taking the path under the Fractured Peaks?” she asked. “We could traverse it as slow or fast as you like.”
Making a face, Eledis said, “Fast would be better. I’d rather get as far from Allanovian as possible before another of Doldimar’s minions descends upon us.”
At that, my lips twitched. Well played, mentioning the threat this city was under while my family inhabited it. He’d done it after extracting a promise of support from its leaders as well. Maybe in the future, Eledis could teach me how to negotiate.
Slapping the table, Ferin said, “It’s decided, then. We’ll go under the mountains. A good suggestion made by our soon-to-be king.”
The others murmured agreement, nodding to me, and I stood stock still, somehow keeping myself from cocking my head.
What had that last bit been about? King? Surely Ferin hadn’t meant me.
“Shall we discuss logistics, then?” Eledis asked.
“I think that’s only fair. After all, Allanovian will need to ensure its own survival once you’ve left,” Hemly said. “Does the young one have any ideas for that discussion?”
Still caught on what Ferin had said, I half-heard the question.
“I… do not,” I said. “In fact, I’d like to retire for the evening. Long day and all. Unless another topic will turn this venerable group of people into squabbling children again?”
Several faces soured at that, but I hardly noticed, already making my way out of the chamber.
“Good night, Eledis,” I said.
As I turned the corner, I heard him making apologies for my behavior, but I didn’t pause long enough to listen. After finding an empty corner, I put my back to it, thunking my head on stone as I gasped. Shivers ran over me, and I rubbed my arms, trying to fight off chills.
“You did well.”
Focusing my eyes, I grimaced on seeing Dim and Bright.
“Thanks,” I said. “I appreciate that.”
Because throughout that conversation, I’d felt barely in control.
“I’m also glad to see that you’ve returned to these twin guises,” I continued. “What you showed me before… I don’t want to see it again.”
Losing control like that hadn’t been pleasant.
As Dim and Bright went unnaturally still, I rolled my eyes. At the moment, I couldn’t handle the puzzle of them. I’d only sought solitude to calm my nerves, not to consult with beings that I barely understood.
Alouin, did the people of Allanovian actually expect me to be a king, or had that been… a slip of the tongue? It was a flimsy explanation for what I’d heard, but I couldn’t consider anything else. Too many issues were stacked on my plate. I couldn’t add ruling a kingdom to them.
Too many other issues… Too many…
Roughly shaking myself, I whispered, “I really need to speak with dad.”
I’d taken a step toward the corridor when Bright popped in front of me.
“We can lead you to Aramar,” it said.
“If you like,” Dim added.
Meaning I wouldn’t need to speak with someone else?
“I would like that,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Of course, Raimie.”
Chapter 24: The Start of a Journey
Raimie
I followed my twin anomalies through Allanovian. Presumably because I’d invited them to stay, Bright and Dim didn’t vanish when other people filled the corridors, but they never spoke a word to distract me, which was good.
Because the further along we traveled, the more a sense of familiarity raised its head. Was another memory of this place, buried beneath fever and ignorance, about to come forth?
My twins soon stopped beside a narrow cleft in a rock wall, gesturing toward it, and as I approached, I made a face. This would be fun.
Shimmying into the cleft, I sidled sideways while its walls brushed along my shrunken profile. What was this supposed to be? A bottleneck? That would make sense for the entrance to the Zrelnach common room.
Dragging myself through the last bit of rock, I stumbled into the open, panting from the effort of it. I found myself in a cavern filled with tables and a wall made of kegs. Another wall held several wood-burning stoves with a counter separating them from the cavern’s open space. As they did throughout Allanovian, bracketed torches provided light here, although a handful of chandeliers were hanging between the stalactites overhead.
And all of this was swarmed by Esela, swathed in black leather.
Abruptly aware of how out of place I was, I backed toward the exit, but I couldn’t reach it before several people in the room noticed my presence. Their stares nailed me in place as surely as an illusion of Teron might have while a wave of quiet traveled through the cavern. The Zrelnach impassively watched me, and almost beneath my notice, I shifted into a defensive stance, resting a hand on Silverblade’s hilt.
A woman close to the entrance stood, raising her mug overhead, and one by one, the other Esela followed her example until hundreds of deadly people were saluting me.
“Welcome, worthy one,” the woman said.
The words echoed from dozens of lips, and the Zrelnach took a drink from their mugs or goblets.
And then, they sat. And they ignored me. And I relaxed, if only a little bit.
“Raimie!”
A hand lifted from among a dense group of people found deeper in the cavern, and I wandered toward it, eventually finding my father at a table with several other Zrelnach.
“How’d it go?” he asked. “Is Eledis still alive, the stubborn bastard?”
“Yes, thank Alouin,” I said. “I managed to cool down tempers before anything bad happened.”
“Well, that’s all right then,” my father said. “Sit, sit! I’ve got a mug of your favorite for you.”
Taking the only available seat, I eyed the Zrelnach around me. I’d wanted this to be a private conversation. My father had seemed to understand that, so why was I surrounded by strangers?
“These are friends from my time here,” he said. “I hope you don’t mind them joining us. They’ll act as a buffer between us and the other Zrelnach.”
“Ok. I get that, I guess,” I said. “Their names?”
Grinning, my father pounded the back of the man beside him.
“This is Gistrick, one of the finest warriors you’ll ever meet,” he said.
Wincing, the man said, “That’s not true anymore, though, is it? Not with this injury.”
He gestured toward a part of his body that I couldn’t see, and my father rolled his eyes.
“Ignore him,” he said. “He’s always been modest. Now. This is…”
He continued introducing the others, but I stayed stuck on the first one. This stranger was the one who’d offered me support before my first trial, the only Zrelnach to do so, and without knowing anything about the man, I already felt... distinctly uneasy around him. Despite having never seen him in my life, I could still swear I’d met him before, which was impossible. I hadn’t known Esela existed before meeting Rhylix so why…?
Something slid across the table to me, and I reflexively caught it, wincing when amber liquid splashed over my hand. I hated this stuff.
“I propose a toast,” my father said.
He lifted his mug high, and the Zrelnach at the table joined him.
“To Raimie, the best son a father could ask for and a man resilient enough to overcome the challenges raised against him,” he continued.
“To Raimie!”
Mugs were clunked together, although I kept mine on the table. I did, however, drink with them when the time called for it. Closing my eyes, I savored the taste. No matter how much I might hate most forms of alcohol, including brandy, I had to admit that this one was all right.
Better to think about that than how the coming conversation would negate my father’s toast.
“So,” he said, “from what you said earlier, I gather we need to talk, both of us. Why don’t you go first?”
But how should I do that? How did I share a weakness with people who would one day leap into danger with me?
“It’s ok, Raimie,” Gistrick said. “All of us have been where you are, at least partially. Talking about it is healthy, and no one will judge you for it.”
How could this stranger know what I was dealing with? Almost, I laughed in his face but… but…
Opening up to these people might show greater strength than rejecting their offer of companionship.
“I need someone to share how they’ve dealt with their guilt,” I said, “or to help make sense of my new life, at least. I need…”
I didn’t know what could fix the mess that I’d become over the span of a week. Maybe nothing could, but before we set off on a journey that was sure to be fraught with danger, I’d like something or someone to anchor me. Otherwise, I’d continue drifting, and that would see me killed.
No one at the table would meet my eyes, though, and I clenched my hands around my mug. Would they refuse to help me with this? Where was my father with his constantly promised advice?
After slowly breathing out, I said, “I know none of you have been in my situation. I don’t expect you to help me with it, not fully. You’ve probably never learned that your family has kept a secret from you for your whole life, and I don’t expect you’ll relate to the sense of betrayal that goes with it.”
Jerking his head to me, my father opened his mouth, but I barreled over him.
“Nor do I expect anything useful for when everyone’s determined your future for you. You can’t understand the helplessness that comes with knowing you can’t change it,” I said. “Maybe some of you can help me grapple with how my presence led to the massacre of everyone I’ve known, but I know, I fucking know, that all of you have killed before.
“So, tell me. How do you bury that? How do you stop seeing your victim’s face when your eyes shutter closed? How do you make this sickening self-hatred, one that’s tearing into you with every second, go the hell away? How do you live with yourself when you’ve ended someone’s life before their time? How… how?”
Stretching my hands in front of me, I flinched at the red stickiness covering them.
Hadn’t I cleaned these? I had. I knew I had and yet…
Hugging myself, I pretended that I wasn’t hiding murder weapons or clawing my fingers into my sides. Meanwhile, the people at the table shifted, looking for help with answering my plea, but when someone tried to do that, it didn’t come from the Zrelnach in front of me.
“It’s a process.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I wanted to bristle at the sight of the woman behind me, but here, at the end of this long day, I was too wrung dry to acknowledge my distaste.
“With time, the guilt will fade,” Ferin said. “At times, the process may seem to take forever, and throughout your life, slivers of remorse will make resurgences into your life, but each relapse will hurt less. Eventually, the face you see will go fuzzy, but honestly, young warrior? I find it’s better if that never happens. To me, remembering those faces is my way of honoring my victims. But unfortunately, there’s no quick fix for self-loathing. The best thing you can do tonight is get thoroughly drunk with friends. Don’t do it alone.”
With a soft smile, she patted my shoulder before continuing toward a counter. Watching her place an order, I wondered what she'd meant that to be. Had Ferin been easing a guilty conscience? And how had she been behind me at the precise moment when I’d needed her advice?
“The commander is wise. You’d do well to heed her advice.”
Turning back to the table, I stared Gistrick down, wondering if he could understand the internal struggle I’d been grappling with.
“Raimie… I had no idea that you thought Eledis and I had betrayed you,” my father said. “We never meant to hurt you-”
“I know,” I interrupted.
Grimacing, I decided to take Ferin’s advice, lifting my mug to down its contents. When I slammed it, empty, onto the table, one of the Zrelnach stood, presumably to retrieve another.
“I know that your intention was to keep me safe,” I continued, “and I don’t blame you for it. I even accept it, intellectually, but I’ve never been the best at controlling my feelings. You know that.”
Lifting his mug, my father mumbled into it.
“You’d be surprised how much control you have when compared to others.”
How was I supposed to respond to that? Fortunately, the Zrelnach from earlier quickly returned, handing off another drink.
“Thank you,” I said before turning to my father. “What did you want to tell me?”
Making a face, he said, “That’s a subject best saved for another time.”
“So, you’re going to keep a secret from me. Again,” I said.
“It’s not like that! I’d rather wait for a better-”
“Just tell him, Aramar,” Gistrick sighed. “It’ll hurt him either way. Get it over with.”
A crater formed in my stomach. Hurt me? What did my father mean to share?
Swallowing, my father flicked his eyes over the cavern while spinning his mug between his hands.
“The fight with Teron,” he said. “Something happened during it.”
He clenched his jaw, and I couldn’t move from the awkward position I was sitting in. What had that evil bastard done?
Gistrick nudged my father, and he puffed out a sigh.
“The Enforcer broke my back,” he said. “I’m paralyzed from the waist down.”
A heady combination of numbness and detachment blasted through me, leaving me adrift outside my body. This couldn’t be real, could it? It had to be a cruel joke.
“But I’ve seen you walking around since then,” I said. “If you were paralyzed…”
He couldn’t walk, could he?
“Your friend, Rhylix, set me up with a contraption that came through Allanovian’s tear, something from another world,” my father said. “It lets me walk, but doing so isn’t… pleasant.”
Standing, he lifted his tunic a fraction, revealing the metal band circling his waist, before sitting once more.
“I’ll eventually get used to the twinges but for now…”
My father shrugged, and the pit in my stomach carved deeper into me.
“I’m sorry, dad,” I said. “If I’d been a little faster-”
“Don’t you dare,” my father snapped. “This is, in no way, your fault. Teron can have all the blame, thank you very much. The only reason I’m telling you about it is so you’ll know that I can’t move as quickly as I used to. It might be best to leave me-”
Still watching myself from a distant perch, I shot to my feet, scraping my chair across the floor as I did.
“Hell no!” I shouted. “You’re my father. Don’t you dare suggest that I abandon you.”
Warmth sprang into my father’s eyes, even as he darted them over the cavern.
“Raimie…” he said.
Crashing into my body, I noted the dead silence around me and the eyes staring my way. I sank into my seat, shrinking on myself, until conversation resumed in the cavern, but as if to contradict my dread over a perceived mistake, the people around the table—all of them except my father—grinned at me.
“Nicely done. That’s solidified the loyalty of many people here,” Gistrick said.
Had he meant that genuinely, or had it been intended as an insult?
“Thank you?” I said.
“Seems the toast you gave wasn’t an exaggeration, Aramar,” a woman beside my father said.
When she elbowed him, he chuckled.
“You doubted me?” he asked.
“No!”
“We could never.”
“It’s not like you’ve said similar things about people, only to have them proven false later,” Gistrick said. “You’re too trusting at times, my friend.”
My father stiffened, glaring at the Eselan.
“How dare you,” he said. “I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent judge of character!”
“Sure you are.”
Since the people around the table seemed finished with me, I watched them banter with one another. Almost, I left to find a bed but decided against it in the end. Who knew when I could drink with friendly people in a safe place again? I’d take advantage of it while I could.
After all, tomorrow would mark the beginning of a long journey and the next phase in my life. May it be as kind to me as the first once had been.
Interlude 1.1: Hope
Eriadren
Gasping from my sprint, I leaned on the fence outside of my friend’s estate, willing my body back under my control. Bodies didn’t work like that, of course, so I was forced to wait for a return to normalcy instead.
My mother hadn’t wanted me to come here today. I could tell, despite how much she’d protested otherwise. Her pinched lips and the wrinkles around her eyes had told me her true thoughts.
I, however, couldn’t afford to skip today’s meeting. If I did, I’d fail this year’s group project, and I couldn’t have that.
Once I’d recovered, I straightened my uniform, ensuring that I looked the part I must play, before striding to the house’s door. After I knocked, it didn’t take long for the lady of the house to answer my summons.
“Oh, Eriadren! How nice to see you,” she said. “Do come in.”
It never ceased to amaze me that no one in this household, save for my friend, saw me for who I was. They noted the uniform of our city’s most prestigious school and assumed I belonged to a noble family.
Not that they were wrong, but unless pressed, I’d never admit to that fact. Throughout my life, my father had been useless. His success with getting me into school had been the only good thing that he’d done for me before his exile.
“-get you anything while you wait?”
Blinking, I realized I’d tuned the lady of the house out. How fortunate that I’d caught the tail end of her question.
Giving her my most charming smile, I said, “I’m fine, thank you.”
“In that case, I’ll only be a few minutes.”
After the lady of the house had gone, I inspected the room she’d left me in. It was exactly what I’d expect to find in a wealthy family’s home with one exception.
Books.
So many tomes of knowledge sat on the shelves around me that my fingers started twitching. Unfortunately, as I perused them, I discovered my excitement had been misplaced. Religious texts all, not one was spared the name ‘Alouin’ in its title.
Useless.
Before I could summon a water bucket to douse them with, Arivor pounded down the stairs behind me.
“I’m leaving mom I love you Back before dark,” he called in a rush.
Catching my eye, he continued out the door, and I raced to keep up. Once the estate lay far behind us, we stopped.
“So,” Arivor panted, “what’re we doing exactly?”
“Group project,” I said. “Considering it will be our theses’ starting point, I thought we should start a little earlier than usual this time.”
“Why?” Arivor asked. “It’s not like it matters. Our graduations are guaranteed, and after that, we’ll join our families’ businesses.”
“Maybe you will,” I snapped.
Besides my neighbors, Arivor was the only person who knew where I laid my head at night. He was the only one who knew my full story, and because of that, he flinched at my grumble.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean-”
“It’s fine,” I said, waving a hand. “Let’s just focus on our project.”
Seemingly happy to let that awkward subject drop, Arivor said, “Ok. What topic should we tackle?”
Plus, if a Council member’s nephew got involved with a dissertation on the oppressive class system found throughout the empire, it might end up hurting him. But that just meant I should be subtle with today’s project.
“I thought we’d look into the Healers’ Guild,” I said. “Their practices make it impossible for slummers to procure their services, which leads to less well-trained healers treating the poor. This, in turn, leads to people suffering and at times, the rampant spread of disease throughout the empire. All theories, of course. I’d like to prove them.”
Arivor eyed me like he knew I was hiding something.
“So, what you’re saying is that you’ve decided to become a healer after all,” he said.
Shaking my head, I said, “You know I want to further the scientific field.”
“And you know they’ll never let you,” he countered.
It was an argument we’d held more frequently as graduation day approached, and as always, I brushed his doubts off.
“Well, that’s my suggestion,” I said. “What do you think?”
For the longest moment, my friend watched me.
“Will it involve visiting your neighborhood?” he asked.
Narrowing my eyes, I said, “Probably.”
“Great! We’ll start there.”
He took off ahead of me, leaving me muttering curses in his wake. Sometimes, I forgot how obsessed my friend was with the slums.
As buildings grew more dilapidated around us, my senses heightened. I usually changed clothes before coming home. Any display of wealth here, such as our school’s uniform, attracted unwanted attention, and true to form, when we rounded onto a side alley, two thugs from a local street gang were waiting for us.
“Coin purses. Now,” said the one in the lead, extending a hand.
I stepped in front of Arivor before he could comply.
“No,” was all I said.
“What are you doing?” Arivor hissed in my ear. “Give them what they want, and let’s go.”
But he didn’t know these streets like I did. He didn’t see the third man, crouching on the roof with his knives flashing in the lamplight. He didn’t recognize the tattoos on their arms. Even if we paid, we were going nowhere.
“Aren’t you a defiant-?” the leader started.
“Right of street rule, you bastard,” I interrupted.
The thieves stiffened, as well they should. Street rule had been established long ago to protect the people who lived in the slums. If members of a thieves’ guild caught them unaware, a slummer could petition for single combat rather than getting robbed. This gave thieves an ‘honorable’ way to back off of a mark while also saving face. Most took this safe way out, as duels between slummers usually ended in death for one or both parties.
“How do you-?” the leader asked.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “Will you accept my challenge or not?”
The thieves on the ground looked like they wanted to retreat, and I let myself believe that Arivor and I might escape this fiasco unscathed. Then, the man on the roof dropped to the ground between me and his associates.
“Can’t wait to carve you down a notch,” he said.
…Damnit.
Quickly, I stripped off my jacket, tossing it to Arivor while another thief pulled him to the sidelines.
“What are you doing, Eriadren?” he asked.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “Just do what they say, and… don’t get involved.”
Because if he did, it would nullify this challenge, and I didn’t like our chances against three thieves.
Not that I liked mine against the knife wielder. Why hadn’t I worn a weapon when leaving home today?
Turning to my opponent, I was surprised to find him waiting. No rules governed street duels, but he’d decided to be courteous.
No matter. I wouldn’t extend the same civility to him.
As soon as I’d finished spinning, I rushed him. When I reached the bastard, he’d barely raised his knives, slashing one at my waist, but I leapt to the side. As I hooked his neck in my elbow, I pushed off of the alley’s wall, using my momentum to drag him to the ground. I heard the breath get knocked out of him and whirled to kick his head, but he was on his feet already.
He was fast. Not good.
A knife jabbed for my neck, and I couldn’t dodge it. I caught the blade in my hand with a distant part of me acknowledging the deadening of my skin, and once it was in my grasp, I twisted and jerked, claiming the weapon as my own.
Meanwhile, I’d snatched a wrist, descending for my shoulder. Pulling on it, I spun my opponent around, dragging his arm up his back until he lost his grip on the second knife. Shoving him away, I kicked the blade to the side, but before I could follow my opponent, he recovered, barreling into me, and I lost my balance.
With a grunt, I landed on the cobblestones while my hold on a claimed knife dug the blade deeper into my hand. Biting my lip, I flipped the weapon to a better position before trying to knee my opponent. I met air, and the weighted toe of a boot slammed into my side.
Groaning, I rolled to my side so I could gain my feet, but another kick had me seeing stars. He continued beating the shit out of me for reasons I couldn’t explain. When an enemy went down, one should kill them quickly. Every slummer knew that.
In the end, though, his viciousness proved my saving grace. As I started losing consciousness, I sightlessly flailed at him. One of those swings caught on something, and a shout followed a thump somewhere nearby.
Rolling away from the noise, I almost, almost, fainted then and there. Only the knowledge that Arivor’s fate lay in my hands saw me stumbling to my feet.
The world blinked in and out of focus as I trudged toward my opponent. I'd severed one of his tendons, and while he was still struggling to stand, an injury like that wouldn’t let him.
Was this enough? I looked to the thieves’ leader for approval, noting his widened eyes, before a choked gasp came from my opponent. He collapsed with one of his knives embedded in his throat.
“No one touches my friend!”
The roar whipped my head to where Arivor was standing with a red face. As I glanced between him and the knife, he took a step toward the remaining thieves.
“Leave!”
They fled, and as our threat level lowered, I woozily swayed until my knees buckled. Arivor’s arm, circled around my chest, kept me upright.
“Mom will be so pissed with me,” I mumbled.
Chuckling, Arivor tugged me toward the alley’s end.
“I don’t envy you when she finds out,” he said. “Come on. Let’s get out of here. We should find you a healer.”
With my head lolling, I said, “Looks like we’ll work on that group project after all.”
While his shoulders shook, my friend stopped, flinging his head to the sky, and howling laughter filled the alley.
“Only you could think of schoolwork after something like that.”
“Yeah… well…”
I couldn’t stay awake. I needed to, but I didn’t think I…
“Eriadren?”
“Yes, Arivor?” I asked.
“Let’s not do that again,” he said. “Also, shut up. You need to save your breath.”
I petulantly mumbled at him in my head, but as he’d asked, I kept my mouth closed for the entirety of our slow hike to a clinic.
Once more, I stood outside the estate of Arivor’s family, but this time, I fidgeted in place. I’d come here so many times before, but never, never, had I been invited.
Had I dressed appropriately? I had nothing fancier than my school uniform to wear, but I’d compensated for that lack with an unusually clean-shaven and otherwise impeccable appearance. I could, of course, do nothing to hide the injuries that I’d sustained during my recent fight, but I was fairly certain they were the reason for my invitation tonight.
When I announced my presence, a manservant escorted me inside. As he led me toward the home’s dining room, anxiety spilled up my throat, almost allowed to spew out of my mouth when I stepped into the room and saw who was sitting at the head of the table.
I folded on myself, bowing as low as possible, because the man examining me from that place of honor was Councilman Reive, the most powerful man in our city’s ruling body.
“No need for that, Eriadren,” he said with a chuckle. “Tonight, you’re our honored guest.”
I didn’t know if I believed him. Sure, Councilman Reive had implemented numerous reforms that had advanced our city and Empire, most notably our current truce with the human kingdoms, but he also kept our class system rigidly in place. He was the primary reason why my father had treated my mother and myself as pariahs when I’d been born, although the bastard’s efforts to ingratiate himself with Reive hadn’t worked. The councilman had exiled him anyway.
Did Reive know whose child I was?
Arivor’s welcoming smile beckoned me to the table despite my apprehension, and once I’d taken a seat, our meal began. So much food was passed in front of me that it made me sick. Idly, I wondered how many slummer families this dinner could feed.
So many times, Arivor’s parents asked me to tell the story of how I’d saved their favored son, and so many times, my friend subverted my tale with an over-glorified representation of what I’d done. By the time our meal had concluded, I just wanted to go home.
Unfortunately, Councilman Reive wasn’t finished with me.
While servants cleared the last dishes from the table, he said, “Let’s speak privately, Eriadren.”
Ignoring how Arivor was excitedly bouncing in his chair, I followed the man with a heavy heart. Would this be where he told me to return to the slums, never to emerge from them again?
We ducked into a room that I’d never visited before, and for the briefest moment, my trepidation vanished. Shelves filled with books surrounded us, and I strained my eyes, seeking out a volume I had yet to read.
“Your thirst for knowledge will get you into trouble someday, you know,” Reive said. “Come, boy. Sit with me.”
An armchair was already enfolding him, and his calculating gaze followed me as I joined him in front of the hearth.
“I don’t know how you’ve earned my nephew’s friendship,” was what he started with. “I’ve sent so many noble’s brats to do the same, and all of them have failed. Honestly, I don’t care what you did to gain Arivor’s confidence, but I should warn you. I have plans for him, and if you disrupt those in any way, I’ll send you crawling back to your whore of a mother, and you’ll never leave the slums again.”
He knew who I was. He knew who I was!
I should concede to this man. Here, I should bow, but pride had ever been my downfall.
“What makes you think I’m afraid of you?” I asked in a mild tone.
“If you aren’t, then you’re not as smart as I gave you credit for,” Reive said. “Heed my warning, Eriadren. Play nice, and perhaps I’ll have a decent position for you when you graduate. Alouin knows you’ll need my help to find one.”
Bristling, I straightened in my seat, but Reive raised a hand.
“Don’t say anything, not when your temper might get you in trouble,” he said. “I mean to rejoin my family now. In a little while, you’ll come to make your farewells and go home. There’s nothing more for you here tonight.”
Rising, he strolled to the door.
“It was nice to meet you.”
He left me trapped, not the slightest bit tempted to peruse the wealth of knowledge around me.
Interlude 1.2: Hope
Eriadren
Graduation. The day I’d long anticipated had finally come, and I was running late for the main event. For once, though, no one could fault me for my tardiness. No, the blame for that lay entirely at the feet of the woman in front of me, but I couldn’t hate her for it.
My mother picked at the fabric of her gown, a garment that I’d spent months saving coin to buy, and she refused to lift her head from staring at the cobblestones. I shielded her nervous shifting from prying eyes while we stood in an out-of-the-way corner.
Not an alley. I’d avoided those since the thieves’ incident.
“You don’t have to come, you know,” I said. “If you’re uncomfortable, I can walk you home before the ceremony.”
That was a lie. I definitely didn't have time for it.
My mother shot her eyes up to mine before lowering them once more.
“I’m not uncomfortable. I’m scared, Eri,” she said. “What if someone recognizes me? What if they learn what I am and that I’m your mother? You’d be ruined.”
All of this anxiety was over me? I didn’t know whether to indulge my eyes’ burn or the queasiness in my stomach.
“They won’t recognize you. Trust me, mom. I’ve hidden among the wealthy for years. They’re mostly idiots, believing whatever lie you sell them. Just mimic them like Arivor taught you, and you’ll be fine,” I said. “As for you ruining me, I sincerely doubt that could happen. The school’s headmistress and at least one Council member know that I’m the bastard son of a disgraced noble. I’ll graduate tonight no matter what happens.”
I still didn’t know what I’d do afterward.
My mother wordlessly stared at me with her face reddening, and all the while, I fought not to glance down the path toward Commencement Hall. When she slapped her cheeks, I suppressed a smile.
“I won’t let those assholes keep me from celebrating my son’s success,” she growled. “Damn them. I can play a preening prima donna for a few hours. Let’s go, Eri.”
She marched off, holding her head high, and I barely kept from hugging her. Such a display would be unseemly for a noble, but watching her, I considered breaking that stupid social norm because this was my mother. Brash, comfortable in her skin, and stalking through this prestigious school as if she owned it. She’d encountered so many hardships while raising me, overcoming them all, and I loved her for it.
We found little trouble once we were inside the Hall, merely a few snide comments and glares over our tardiness. I escorted my mother to her seat, chastely kissing her cheek, before racing to my position behind the auditorium’s raised stage.
“I thought you wouldn’t make it,” Arivor said when I arrived.
With a teasing grin, he slapped my back, and I nearly stumbled forward. When I could, I straightened, lightly punching Arivor’s shoulder.
“It was a near thing,” I said. “Mom almost had a breakdown on the way.”
“She’s here?”
If it had been possible, Arivor’s face could have lit the dim crossover where we were waiting.
“Well done, her,” he said. “I’m glad she came. Hopefully, my etiquette lessons will help her."
“I wish they hadn’t been necessary,” I said. “Why does it matter where I come from? We should be judged on merit, not class.”
“Yes, so you said in your thesis,” Arivor said. “After that disaster, you’re lucky they’re letting you graduate. No. You’re lucky you didn’t get expelled.”
“I followed every rule for writing my thesis,” I said. “They had no right to target me for what I presented. It didn’t help that the conclusions drawn in it were right, Arivor.”
I couldn’t help the glare I directed at my friend, but he didn’t seem to mind it, flapping a hand at me instead.
“I know that, but I’m the minority within my class,” he said. “Going forward, you need to be more careful with your pushes for change. I’m not saying that you should stop! Just be careful.”
“Arivor! You wound me,” I said, plastering my hand to my chest. “I’m always careful.”
Before he could give the snarky reply sure to be on his tongue, someone on stage called his name. Shaking his head, he trotted off, and I was alone in a crowd of my fellow students.
While I waited, I considered Arivor’s advice. I knew he was right. My thesis had gotten me in plenty of trouble. So many disciplinary hearings had been held over it, more than I’d expected.
And that had come from my social views alone. What would happen if I continued along the path that I’d set for myself tonight? Should I abandon it?
I still hadn’t decided what to do about that when my name trickled backstage. Making for the person calling it, I didn’t notice when I stepped from behind the curtain. I probably would have continued to the other side of the stage if bright light hadn’t made me wince.
With so many people directing illumination my way, I couldn’t make out most of what lay in the greater Hall. I could see a table off to the side, set out for the city’s Council members, as well as the people in the audience’s front row but not much else.
Smiling in my mother’s general direction, I approached center stage, where my headmistress was waiting for me. She eyed me with caution, perhaps already aware of what I had planned, and once I stopped, she turned to our unseen audience.
“Eriadren, tied for first in his class,” she said. “Full honors received in every subject. Thesis on our Empire’s class structure.”
She turned to me with a warning in her eyes.
“Your chosen field?” she asked.
In other words, ‘how will you use the skills we’ve taught you to benefit the Empire?’ My answer? I wasn’t quite sure until the words left my mouth.
“I declare for science,” I said, “the study of what’s physically real.”
At that, absolute silence descended, but I’d expected this reaction. In our world, so focused on the worship of Alouin and what lay beyond, any attention paid to the here and now was met with a disdain that approached outright hostility.
Leaning toward me, my headmistress hissed, “Don’t you mean healing?”
I wanted to ignore her, but an image of my mother’s face floated through my mind. After everything she’d sacrificed for me, I couldn’t disappoint her. I’d make my own sacrifice.
“Of course, headmistress,” I said. “Is that not what I said?”
My cold glare wasn’t meant for her but the wealth of hidden people in front of me, people who would define what I could and couldn’t do with my life, but my headmistress shivered anyway.
Nodding her approval, she said, “Novice Healer Eriadren for your consideration.”
Hesitant applause answered her, and bowing, I stalked off of the stage. I ignored the other graduates’ stares, placing a steadying hand on the first wall I could find.
I’d done it! I was a kid from the slums who’d graduated and therefore, was allowed to work. I wouldn’t waste my life in that awful place, but it had come at a cost.
My life’s work wouldn’t focus on my passion but on a field that I found mildly interesting at best, and it didn’t matter that science hadn’t been ripped away from me. I could still study it in my spare time but the indignity of it…
I curled my hand into a fist, and almost, I cried. Arivor’s approach saved me. As he came closer, I prepared for a string of ‘I told you so’s’, but he merely clapped my shoulder.
“Will you miss this place that much?” he asked. “I know I will. Oh, the pranks I had planned that will never be!”
I chuckled at his mournful look.
“I imagine our professors won’t miss us nearly as much,” I said.
The two of us might be top of our class, but our names on a class’s roster had struck terror in many a professor’s heart.
“It’s too bad, really,” Arivor said, chewing on his lip. “I had some fantastic ones almost ready to trip.”
“Like what?” I asked.
With my back to the wall, I slid down it, and after he’d joined me, Arivor launched into an explanation of a scare trick he’d had in the works, one quite similar to something we’d pulled last year. When I mentioned it, he laughed, retelling the story. While the rest of our class took their turns on stage, we swapped old stories, reminiscing about the good times we’d shared in this place.
When the headmistress came to gather the graduates for our celebration, Arivor helped me to my feet.
“I’m so sorry, Eri,” he said while steadying me.
And we said nothing more about the crash and burn of my dreams.
One of the buildings near Commencement Hall contained a large, open space, typically used for teleportation practice. Usually drab and empty, it now glittered with all the trappings of a party hosted by the wealthy.
With my mood already sour, I ducked and dodged around graduates, their families, and guildmembers hoping to recruit the talented. Eventually, I reached my goal: the refreshment tables.
As always when faced with such an extravagant display of food, guilt raised its ugly head. How could I partake of this when hundreds would be starving in the slums tonight?
As always, I swatted guilt down. Tonight, I’d celebrate, my bad mood be damned.
“Eri!”
With a pastry in my hand, I turned to my mother, pleased that she’d remembered to restrain her behavior. I knew she wanted to throw herself at me right now.
“Well done, son,” she said with an edge to her voice.
It wasn’t directed at me, though. Taking her hand, I kissed it before waving at the bounty behind us.
“The first way I can say thank you for everything you’ve done. May there be more to come over the years,” I said. “Enjoy.”
My mother took one look at the table before whirling to take a bite out of the pastry I was holding. Grinning at my stunned expression, she plucked it from my fingers before stalking to peruse the feast spread before us.
“Oh, I fully intend to,” she called to me.
Shaking off my shock, I checked whether anyone had observed her display, but no one was staring at us with disapproval. No dangerous hush had fallen, and I let myself relax.
“An interesting performance, Eriadren.”
Raising my shoulders nearly to my ears, I spun so quickly that I almost fell.
“Councilman Reive,” I squeaked.
As he tapped his cheek, the man looked at me with something inscrutable in his eyes.
“Science?” he asked. “Why would you choose an abandoned field as you profession?”
He hadn’t seen my mother. Again, I nearly collapsed, although this time, it was from relief.
“I chose healing,” I said. “Didn’t you hear?”
With a faint smile, Reive said, “Of course. Healing. Do you know which master healer you’ll apprentice with? I’m sure you’ll get your pick of them, being top of your class.”
“I hadn’t considered it,” I said with my tone stiff. “What about Arivor? He’s top of our class as well.”
Reive dismissively waved a hand.
“My nephew doesn’t need anything found in this school to get what he wants,” he said. “To him, top of his class is a meaningless designation.”
This bastard.
“When you’ve decided who you want to study under, let me know,” Reive continued. “I’ll put in a good word for you.”
“Thank you. You’re kind,” I said, “but I won’t need your help, Councilman. Maybe you should focus on the people who do.”
Raising an eyebrow, Reive asked, “Like your mother?”
My breathing hitched.
“My mother?” I echoed.
“Yes,” Reive said with a nod. “She’s in the midst of a rather harsh escort from our celebration. Quite warranted too. We can’t have one of her like tainting our purity.”
With my hands curling into fists, I barely restrained myself from punching him in the face.
“You son of a bitch,” I said.
Chuckling, Reive said, “I’ve been called worse. Now, I believe you have a choice to make, young Eriadren. Her or the life I can offer you.”
That wasn’t a choice. Spinning, I found my mother, the current source of the room’s fascination, and sprinted for her. She saw me coming, which had her eyes widening, and I had a split second to watch her love for me flicker through a list of possible futures.
Then, something I’d never seen from her twisted her features, and screaming, she escaped from the people holding her arms. As a veritable storm, she advanced on me, and before I could say a word, she slapped me hard enough to sprawl me on the floor.
“Such a disappointment,” she growled. “I taught you better than this, comingling with the assholes who keep us ground in the dirt, but I suppose you’re not one of us, are you? You’ve chosen your bitch of a father’s society over ours. Well, I hope you find fulfillment in this empty community because you’ll never find refuge in my home again!”
She lifted her fiery gaze, sweeping it over those watching.
“Vultures, the lot of you,” she shouted. “In every sense of the word.”
As I raised myself to my elbows, my mother turned her back on me. As people helped me to my feet, unable to resist the drama now circling me, I was the only one who saw her shoulders shaking. As the questions began, I realized how alone I was.
Except for one person.
With my eyes burning, I scanned the crowd until I found Arivor on the fringes with his father restraining him. When he caught my eye, the distress blazing from him slowly dropped, leaving neutrality in its place, and a carefully crafted smile brought life to his expression, intended as a reminder for me.
‘I’ll find you later,’ he clearly mouthed.
Dipping my head to him, I abandoned all vestiges of my old life, taking up a new one with distaste. With my most cheerful smile in place, so false it wrenched my heart, I clapped my hands.
“Wasn’t that exciting?” I chirped. “All of you must be dying to know what just happened, so let me tell you the story that led to tonight’s fun. Let me tell you about how my honorable father was seduced by a wretched woman…”
Master Healer Zeran looked up at me from over his fingers, steepled in front of his face. With a vacantly pleasant grin in place, I ignored my feet, screaming for me to shuffle, and kept my body rigid instead. I couldn’t let this man see my anxiety or how badly I needed a yes from him. Rejections had trailed me since graduation, and I couldn’t take another one. Not today.
Zeran flattened his hands on the desk, taking a deep breath, and I knew I wouldn’t get what I needed.
“I’m sorry, Novice Eriadren. Your qualifications are more than adequate,” he said, “but I have no need for another assistant at this time.”
He’d repeated nearly word for word what every other healer in the city had told me, and for a moment, panic threatened to send me, begging, to my knees. If Zeran refused me, I’d have no other options for training. I wouldn’t advance beyond the rank of a novice healer, and no one went to see a novice unless they were desperate. The desperate didn’t usually have much coin either.
Before I could humiliate myself, however, a blanket of icy calm fell over me, and instead of screaming my need at Zeran, I bowed.
“Thank you for your consideration,” I said.
“Of course,” Zeran said. “Good luck to you.”
Straightening, I headed for the door, but before I opened it, I glanced over my shoulder, daring a final question.
“Are you following Councilman Reive’s orders as well?”
His flinch was the only answer I needed.
Outside, Arivor was waiting for me, tapping his jittery hands on his thighs. The bright expression that he turned on me fell as soon as he saw my face.
“No?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
Hoping to move on from my failure, I joined the flow of street traffic with no destination in mind, letting my feet wander. Arivor, however, wasn’t ready to let the subject drop.
“Was it my uncle again?” he asked.
“When is it not Councilman Reive?” I said.
My feet apparently wanted to take me toward the slums, seeing as how the buildings around us were getting steadily dingier. I corrected them, pointing myself toward the home of my newest host.
The only good thing to come from the revelation of my parentage was that I’d suddenly become a hot commodity to the wealthy. Everyone wanted to welcome the displaced noble’s son into their home, but I knew this fascination wouldn’t last. If I wanted to avoid sleeping on the streets, I had to find a way to support myself. Soon.
But how?
Of course, this conundrum lay partially wrapped in how I could learn the healing arts without a teacher.
As my feet slowed down, I considered those words. Without a teacher. There was something in that.
“I wish you’d let me help you,” Arivor said. “I may not carry as much weight as my uncle but-”
“No. I won’t ruin your reputation,” I said. “Not more than it already is by your association with me.”
“Why should I care what the vultures think?” Arivor growled. “My whole life, you’re the only one who’s been my friend for me, not because of my family.”
“And that’s why I’m telling you to keep your distance,” I said. “Besides, I have an idea.”
“Really?”
Nodding, I said, “Why would I have one healer teach me when I can learn from the best?”
“What do you mean?” Arivor asked.
Flipping to face him, I continued on, walking backward.
“I mean that I’ve always learned best from books. Having graduated and become a novice healer, I have access to our school’s library as well as the city’s. I’ll study in these places and take my advancement tests when my knowledge meets their requirements.”
Arivor screwed his face up as he considered what I’d proposed.
“The guild won’t like it,” he said. “If you operate outside of their norms, they won’t let you practice in one of their healing houses.”
“Then, I’ll have to establish one of my own,” I said, facing forward again. “It’ll take a lot of coin, though.”
And I was already struggling to find a means of supporting myself. Given that, how would I earn enough to open my own shop?
“Eri,” Arivor said.
Glancing at him, I noted his smirk and raised finger. Following it, I cocked my head at the crowd gathering outside of a building ahead, but on observing the crier at the door, I clicked my tongue.
A brawler’s den. In the last year, these places had grown quite popular among the merchants and nobles alike, which I found funny. Fights like this had been funding the slum’s gangs for as long as I could remember.
“A bunch of idiots congregating to watch people beat each other up,” I said. “What about it?”
“Do you know how much money those brawlers take home at night?” Arivor hissed. “You’re fantastic in a fight, and coming from the slums, you’d have plenty of tricks that the others won’t. Plus, if you fight, whoever organizes these brawls might let you practice your healing arts outside the ring.”
That… wasn’t a terrible idea, much as I hated it. I could at least start from there.
Pounding on Arivor’s back, I said, “I knew I kept you around for a reason. Feel like braving this den of violence with me?”
Arivor flashed me a smile.
“Most definitely.”
Together, we pushed and prodded our way through the line of spectators trying to get inside.
Interlude 1.3: Hope
Eriadren
My latest customer departed, leaving his farewell ringing in my ears, and I basked in a sensation that had yet to lose its fascination for me.
I’d done it. Years spent in a brawler’s den, both fighting and practicing my healing arts, and I’d not only advanced to journeyman healer but earned enough coin to establish a shop of my own.
My shop. Shivering, I took it in once more. Yes, it was small. Yes, it was in one of the city’s quietest marketplaces.
But it was mine.
Due to the resumption of war with the human kingdoms in recent months, I hadn’t had to try very hard to establish a customer base. Everyone wanted to keep a stash of healing salves on hand in case the draft called one to war. If that happened, who wanted to spend time in a healer’s shop when one could be saying goodbye to loved ones? I hated profiting off of the war, but it couldn’t have come at a better time.
Settling on my stool, I retrieved the latest book in my collection, resuming my study of a diagram that detailed the path of the body’s blood vessels through the body. The text was rare, from the time before Alouin had ushered my people to this world. To get my hands on a copy, I’d needed Arivor’s help, and I was grateful to him for indulging me with it. I wondered how many healers knew the intricacies of what transported our blood from head to toe.
I’d about had my fill of this diagram, ready to move on to the next, when my shop’s door banged open, rattling jars on shelves. Jerking my head up, I watched a diminutive woman struggle to carry a boy inside for a heartbeat, but then, I was leaping over the counter to help her.
“You have to help,” she babbled. “It’s my fault. My fault!”
“Shh. I’ve got this,” I said. “Give me the child.”
As she handed him over, the boy whimpered, and I winced on seeing the hand he had clutched to his chest. How many fingers had he broken?
I spun, meaning to bring him into the back of my shop, but catching hold of my sleeve, the woman raised glimmering eyes to mine.
“I can’t pay you,” she said. “You- you should know that.”
No coin.
Well, taking care of the boy’s injuries should take, what? A quarter hour at most? And it wouldn’t eat into my supplies. Considering I had nothing else to do, why not sacrifice some of my time to repair a broken boy?
Plus, if the woman couldn’t pay me, it meant she likely called the slums home. As a general rule, I didn’t charge the people who lived there for my services. They had to stumble upon my shop in order to take advantage of that fact, but it was one of my policies.
“Ok,” I said.
Pulling free of the woman, I got the boy into a cot. I set each of his bones as quickly as I could, mildly relieved when he fainted after the second one. After all of them were splinted, I returned to my stool, rubbing my eyes, and stopped short when I saw the woman pacing between my shelved wares.
She was still here. Why? If she were a slummer, she’d have run as soon as she’d dumped her burden on me, but when I cleared my throat, she rushed to the counter instead.
“How is he?” she asked. “Please, tell me I haven’t maimed him.”
Blinking, I gave this woman a second look over.
Blonde and brown hair spilled around her lovely features, and as far as I could tell, the concern on her face was quite genuine. Her clothes looked well made, if not as fine as a noble’s. Perhaps she was a merchant’s daughter. If so, it would explain why she’d stayed here, although it called into question her claim that she couldn’t pay me.
“The boy should be fine. His fingers may be a little stiff in the future, but that’s all,” I absently said, drawing my eyebrows together. “I’m sorry. Who are you, and how did the boy come to be injured?”
The woman snapped her eyes open wide.
“My goodness. Where are my manners?” she said. “I’m Lirilith.”
Pressing her hand over her heart, she dipped into a bow, which had my lips puckering. Why was she offering me deference?
“As for what happened, I was crossing through a deplorable part of this city when the boy brushed against me. After he did, he ran off, like I’d scared him,” she continued. “I realized that my dagger was no longer on me, and thinking it might have tumbled from my side when he hit me, I took off after the boy. I didn’t want him to accidentally hurt himself, if that makes sense. In my enthusiasm, I’m afraid I let the chase get to me. I tackled the boy when I caught up, and in the fall, he must have landed on his hand. Unfortunately, my coin purse disappeared during the fiasco, hence why I can’t pay.”
Grimacing, she spread her hands in front of her.
Oh, fuck me. I didn’t know if I could keep from smirking, but I’d try my damnedest not to let my mirth show.
“I see,” I said. “Mistress… Lirilith, is it?”
She nodded, and when she failed to provide a family name, as was proper, I mentally shrugged. She probably didn’t have one, not that I cared.
“Mistress Lirilith,” I repeated, “you’re aware that the boy was robbing you, yes?”
Her face blanched for a moment before she turned contemplative.
“That would explain what happened, yes,” she said. “So, the neighborhood I was walking through is this city’s slums, then?”
She was taking this better than I’d expected.
“Probably,” I said. “You must be from elsewhere if you didn’t know that.”
“Hmm? Oh. Yes, I am,” Lirilith said, tapping her fingers on her lips. “If he was pickpocketing me, the boy might still have my coin purse…”
Trailing off, she pinned me like a bug to paper with her gaze, and I shifted in place, unsure what she wanted.
“Should I call for the authorities?” I hesitantly asked.
I’d rather not do that, if possible. People caught stealing were not treated well in this city.
“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary,” Lirilith said, fluttering a hand in dismissal.
And I realized why she was making me uncomfortable. Her demeanor had jumped from a commoner’s to that of a noble, and I didn’t like it. Almost as soon as I noticed the change, however, it melted into the charm of the bright woman who’d entered my shop.
“It’s too bad about my coin purse,” Lirilith said.
She was damned focused on that thing. I should probably search the boy for it but first…
“Why’s that?” I asked.
Lirilith giggled, a carefree noise that I rather liked. How strange.
“Because it means I can pay you, silly,” she said. “I was hoping I could treat you to dinner instead.”
Um…
“Dinner?” I faintly echoed.
“Sure!” Lirilith chirped. “You’re attractive enough, but more importantly, you helped someone in need without thinking of payment. Given that, I’d like to get to know you better.”
Holy… shit. Was she…?
My voice, the disobedient fucker, had gotten caught in my throat when I most needed it, and based on Lirilith’s resumed giggle, I was pretty sure I’d flushed as scarlet as I could get.
“That won’t be possible if I give you coin instead,” she said. “You’d rather have the money, right?”
As my voice leapt free, my brain struggled to keep up.
"Hell no!”
I froze as my shout echoed in the shop. Oh, no. Please, say I hadn’t yelled something so stupid aloud.
“I mean,” I said, choked, “the dinner and getting to know you thing. I’d like that. More than coin. If that’s ok.”
Eloquent, Eriadren. You’re a regular fucking poet.
“You’re adorable,” Lirilith said with her eyes twinkling. “All right. I’ll have someone schedule it with…”
Her voice faded from my awareness.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. Arivor had often teased me about my lack of luck with women—caused mostly by my focus on my studies—almost as much as I’d teased him for settling down when he’d married Clariss. He’d always sworn that by the time I could devote my attention to luxuries like romance, I’d be too old for anyone to find me appealing.
Damn, I couldn’t wait to shove this in his face.
As if summoned, my friend barreled into my shop, setting jars rattling on their shelves again.
“Eri!” he shouted. “The Council’s called another draft-”
When his eyes landed on my guest, Arivor nearly tripped over himself, awkwardly stumbling to a stop, and I cocked my head at him. He looked like hell with wild eyes and his hair standing up in spikes. Those same eyes, ones that were staring at Lirilith, had snapped to the neutrality that he maintained with others of the nobility. Why was he staring at her like that?
Abruptly, he snapped into a deep bow, one I’d never seen him perform before.
“Your Eminence,” he said, “what are you doing here?”
Your…
Wait. Lirilith. As in Lirilith of the stars? Daughter of Alouin’s Voice, the leader of our damn Empire?
No wonder she hadn’t given me a family name. She didn’t have one, but not for the reasons I’d thought.
“I’m here to see how badly your uncle has managed this city,” Lirilith said, “among other reasons.”
Straightening, Arivor said, “You know he’s done well here, despite our reservations about his policies.”
Our?
“You know her?” I asked with my voice strangled.
Arivor blinked as if registering my presence once more.
“Her Eminence and I were briefly engaged a while back. It didn’t work out. Obviously,” he said. “Wait. Lirilith, why are you in this shop? And dressed like that!”
Briefly… engaged?
No. Better question.
Lirilith had started a sarcastic answer to Arivor’s question, but I cut in with my voice dead.
“You wanted to treat me to dinner,” I said. “Me.”
I probably should have added an honorific, probably should have bowed, probably shouldn’t have interrupted, but my sluggish, shocked brain could only process one thing at the moment: hurt. Was she making fun of me?
“Treat you to- Eriadren, what are you talking about?” Arivor spluttered. “And what are you doing? Show more respect. Her Eminence deserves better treatment.”
“I’ll treat her however I damn well please,” I snarled, slapping my hand on the counter. “She barged into my shop with a patient, never telling me who she was. And you know my thoughts about those who rule us.”
“Eri, not now,” Arivor hissed, darting his eyes to Lirilith. “Just… please. Do what I say for once.”
I sucked in a breath.
“Do what you say. For once.”
I was going to leap over this counter and strangle him.
“You’re choosing to call rank now?” I growled. “Now. After all these years.”
“Yes!” Arivor shouted, throwing his hands overhead. “Because you’re being an-”
“Hush, both of you.”
We shut up, turning to the woman in our midst.
One who’d become a stranger. I could see why she was called ‘Her Eminence’ now.
“Arivor, you said something about a draft?” she asked.
Blood drained from my friend’s face, and it didn’t matter how much of an ass he was being. I rushed around the counter to steady him.
“Oh, right,” he breathed. “I’d forgotten…”
When he said nothing more, Lirilith huffed.
“So, this city’s Council has already called one,” she said. “Typical.”
But Arivor wasn’t paying her any mind, clawing at my arm with a panicked look in his eyes again.
“Eri, they called our names. Both of us,” he said. “Who’s going to look after Clariss? I can’t trust the rest of my family.”
We were going to war. To fight the notoriously vicious humans.
Hell, I felt a bit faint too, and I had no one to worry about, not since my mother had cut contact with me. Arivor had a new wife, and my friend had told me just last week that she was with child. Like he’d said, who would look after his family if he didn’t make it home?
Tightening my lips, I dug my fingers into Arivor’s arm.
“I’ll get you through this,” I said. “You will see your child.”
Swallowing, Arivor said, “You can’t know that.”
“You. will,” I growled. “I don’t care what it takes, I’ll get you home.”
“I can help with that.”
Again, the woman in our midst dragged our attention to her. Lirilith was watching us with sympathy, lifting two fingers from her crossed arms. I didn’t know what to think of her right now, but if she was offering us help, I had to ask.
“How?”
“Your Council wasn’t supposed to call the draft until I arrived. I wanted first choice as to who will join me,” Lirilith said, “but since they went ahead without my presence, I’ll have to make do. Arivor, you’re passable in a fight, but you also have a fantastic head for tactics. That’ll be useful. And Eriadren, was it? How are your skills in combat?”
How were my-?
Why was she asking that? And why…?
I was still trying to wrap my head around who’d been drafted. I understood why my name had been called. I’d made enemies among the city’s Council but Arivor? Was his Uncle Reive truly so vindictive that he’d send his favored nephew into war as punishment for associating with me? Or did he expect Arivor to make a name for himself on the battlefield?
My friend clapped my back, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“Eri’s a demon with the blade. When we were in school, he’d send his opponents home whimpering. He’s pretty decent with tactics too, but unfortunately, that talent won’t matter. He’s from the slums and so, can’t advance to an officer’s rank,” he said. “He’s usually much quicker on his feet than this too. I don’t know why he’s gone non-responsive.”
Arivor snapped in my face, and I swiped at his arm, meeting Lirilith’s eyes.
“Why?” I asked.
“Why what?” Arivor said.
But Lirilith knew what I was asking, and she smiled at my question’s double meaning.
“My father, in all of his benevolent wisdom,” she said, rolling her eyes, “has finally decided to let me test my skill as a commander. The soldiers called to war from this city will be under my command. As for why I’ve offered to help you two, Arivor’s my… what are we again?”
“Second cousins,” Arivor said.
Shrugging, Lirilith said, “We’re family. As for you…”
Resting her hands on her hips, she glanced me over before firmly holding my gaze.
“I already told you why, didn’t I?” she said.
So… she’d meant that? She really thought I was…
My stomach and heart did a strange flip-flop. On the one hand, an attractive young woman had said that she’d like to know me better. On the other hand, I’d garnered the attention of someone who epitomized the Empire’s class system.
Smirking, Lirilith turned on her heel, marching for the exit.
“Come on, you two. Let’s see what else I have to work with.”
When the door closed behind her, Arivor spun on me.
“What happened before I got here?” he asked.
I gave him a brief summary, and by the time I’d finished, my friend was uncontrollably snickering into a hand.
“What?” I snapped.
Arivor flapped a hand at me, making his own way outside.
“Nothing, Eri,” he gasped. “Just… good luck.”
Laughter burst from him as he stepped out of my shop.
My shop. After all the work I’d put into this place, it probably wouldn’t be mine when I returned.
If I returned.
Running my hand over the counter’s smooth surface, I patted it before turning to leave it behind. I had yet another mess to claw my way free from, after all.
Interlude 1.4: Hope
Eriadren
The war was over. Four years of fighting, of sneak attacks on human supply lines, and of pitted battles to liberate occupied cities. Of one massacred village, the horror of innocent lives deliberately ended never to be forgotten.
Four years of laughing about miserable conditions with soldiers who wouldn’t do the same tomorrow; of frantically treating a friend’s wounds, only for them to die a second later; or of bedding down, uncertain of the future or our side’s cause.
Four years of pain and violence and death, and it was over. Or so they said.
The war lived on in its survivors. I wasn’t the same person I’d once been. Neither was Arivor. Neither was Lirilith, but today, we put all of this aside, because today, we’d had a wedding.
Or the beginning of one at least.
“Are you sure about this?” I said from the corner of my mouth. “You could still change your mind. Go home.”
“To what?” Lirilith said. “My father, who refuses to let me be myself and who thinks you’re gutter trash? No, thank you.”
I’d met Alouin’s Voice once, shortly after the war’s conclusion. We’d been in the capital to receive commendations for our service, and Lirilith had taken me to meet our Empire’s benevolent ruler, the man who supposedly heard from Alouin himself.
The meeting hadn’t gone well. All he’d talked about was Arivor and how he’d saved the Empire, conveniently forgetting how integral I’d been to the mission that had won us the last battle, but I’d expected that. It had been what had happened in every town we’d visited, and I couldn’t blame my friend for it. He couldn’t help the social system that he’d been born into any more than I could.
The way Alouin’s Voice had talked about Lirilith, though…
Oo, I’d had several choice comments to throw in his face, examples of how exceptional she’d been during the war. Anything to stop the bastard from talking about his daughter like she was a commodity to be sold.
But I’d kept my mouth shut because Lirilith had asked me to and because I trusted her to handle herself.
Then, she’d told her father about us. We’d barely escaped the capital with our lives. So far as we could tell, the man’s temper had cooled since then, but even still, Lirilith would lose her inheritance if she continued down her chosen path.
Like she was about to do.
“Life here won’t be easy,” I said. “You won’t have the comforts that you’ve grown used to.”
“But I wouldn’t have what I wanted,” Lirilith said. “I wouldn’t have the freedom to fight, whether on the battlefield or for the people who need me. I wouldn’t have you.”
I looked at her then, so beautiful in her uniform. Torch and moonlight played over her face, and I knew I couldn’t leave her side, even if she had decided to go home.
“Would you two just take the damn packages already?’
In front of us, Arivor was tapping his foot, holding a thin stick toward each of us. He looked quite dapper in his formal wear, something he’d roasted me over when I’d made a comment on it earlier, and somewhere behind me, Clariss and their toddler, Rafe, were watching the ceremony. How quickly Arivor’s family had become mine.
“Let’s get this Joining over with,” my friend snapped. “If I have to hear the same ridiculous argument from either of you one more time, I’ll scream.”
“Goodness, you’d think we’d offended you personally,” Lirilith said.
But she took what he was offering, and after a moment’s hesitation, I did too.
“Finally,” Arivor grumbled before raising his voice. “Before us, we have two stubborn people who wish to be Joined as one. Considering how much of a pain in the ass they are separately, letting them do this is probably a mistake—”
Our gathered friends laughed.
“—but we also know that their Joining was always going to happen. The two of you are so perfect for one another, it hurts, and I have trouble believing that anything but destiny brought you together. In my humble opinion, the Joining of Lirilith and Eriadren has always been written in the stars.
“So, let’s oblige them. Let’s see the two of you Joined to one another for life.”
I’d half-heard most of what my friend had said. Focusing on him had been difficult with my heartbeat loudly pounding in my ears and my hands trembling as violently as they once had after a fight. It was strange to experience that for the simple anticipation of what would come next rather than fear for my life. It was… nice.
I did, however, catch Arivor saying the words that released me to finish the ceremony. Turning to Lirilith, I watched her lift a blood-red stick, matching her movements, and together, we completed something started in a shop years before. Together, we broke what we held, it dissolved into powder, and we breathed each other in.
Lirilith’s life, its every joy and conflict, passed before my eyes. Every emotion and life-altering choice. Everything that had made her who she was and I knew her. In that moment, something shifted in me, and I became her, and she became me, and solitary ‘I’ becomes perfect ‘we’.
And we watched the one we loved grin. The world grew shadowed with them leaning closer. We felt hands on our neck, felt lips on our lips, felt hungry tongues in our mouths, felt our bodies coming together, and this bleed of need and want and fire between us was unmatched by any other. This was a storm, lightning sparking and fading only for another shock to follow. We’d never been stronger. We’d-
With a jolt, I was kissing Lirilith while our limbs were twined around one another, and I froze as she pulled away from me. The world was spinning with such diminishment of my essence taking place, but I also felt…
Lacing my fingers between hers, I smiled at Lirilith, this woman I knew as well as I did myself, and she giggled with the sound of it only a little broken.
“Congratulations,” Arivor said. “With this, you have become one.”
“We are one,” Lirilith and I said, completing the ceremony.
And the friends who’d become our family cheered.
Magic had always caused me trouble, even as a child. Not only could I maintain it for the shortest of times, but the cost that it carried also wiped me out every time I used it.
It was one of the reasons I enjoyed science so much. When studying the physical and natural world, I knew the rules it must obey, rules I understood, whereas magic…
At times, I thought it was my nemesis.
It wasn’t giving me much trouble today, thank the stars. I’d decided on a simple shape change, making modifications to my nose and ears, and once I was done, features similar to a cat’s stared back at me from the mirror. Hopefully, I could hold the shift until the party was over.
Stepping out of our washroom, I finished bundling my supplies together, calling over my shoulder as I did.
“Lirilith, are you almost ready?”
She didn’t respond, but after clattering down the stairs to find her, I stopped short. By the door, my wife was glaring at me, tapping her foot with her hands on her hips. I remembered the days when that look had sent accomplished warriors whimpering from her presence, and faced with it now, I swallowed hard, wondering what I’d done wrong.
Advancing on me, Lirilith poked my chest.
“I’ve been ready for almost an hour,” she said. “You’re the one who’ll make us late, preening over your appearance like a school girl.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t trying to offend you.”
I’d learned fairly early on in our relationship that in the long run, an immediate apology was better for me than to protest my innocence. Lirilith almost always won our arguments.
Clicking her tongue, she cupped my cheek, brushing a thumb beneath the changes that I’d made to my face, before rising onto her toes to kiss me. Relaxing, I wrapped my arms around her waist, tugging her to me.
This. This was why she won.
Retreating so that our noses were touching, I said, “We’ll already be late, you know. What’s another half an hour?”
When I kissed her this time, Lirilith laughingly pushed me away before batting at the whiskers around my nose.
“Kissing you is difficult enough with these,” she said. “What might happen if I let you do other things to me?”
Growling, I nipped at her neck, which only made her laugh harder.
“Wrong animal, Eri. You’re not a dog today,” she said. “Come on! We’ll make Arivor and Clariss worry.”
Leaning back, I sighed.
“I doubt anything can make Clariss worry more than she already does,” I said.
“What else is she to do? Her whole world is Rafe,” Lirilith said. “Worrying helps her take care of him.”
“Yes, yes. I know,” I said before releasing her. “Well? If we’re going, then let’s go.”
Pecking my cheek, Lirilith hovered her lips by my ear.
“Don’t sulk. It doesn’t suit you.”
Dropping from her toes, she laced her hands together while the sloppy grin that I so adored lit her eyes.
“Besides, I have every intention of making it up to you later.”
Damnit. Why did she do this to me?
I followed her out the door without further complaint, and we strode through our neighborhood, arm in arm.
Most people here ignored us, as our oddities had become normal to them, but when we moved into wealthier parts of the city, scandalized glances were darted our way. No one was rude enough to outright stare. People did, however, make their disdain known.
That was fine. If there was one thing Lirilith and I had become well-practiced in, it was refusing to care what others thought of us.
As we approached Arivor’s home, the happy shrieks of children floated from behind it, and Lirilith hunched her shoulders, making my heart clench in my chest. Ignoring this issue was something that we both needed to work on.
We’d been happily married for four years, and despite how much we wanted one, we’d yet to have children. I, ever the healer, wasn’t sure which of us was at fault for this hiccup, nor did I care.
Lirilith, on the other hand, insisted that she was to blame. I cursed social pressure, both from those who loved us and those—like her father—who distinctly didn’t, for her wholehearted belief, and every time I saw her hurting because of it, I wanted to erase the people who’d caused her pain.
Usually, though, I couldn’t defend her as I wished, so I did what I could instead. Taking her hand, I lifted it to my lips.
“Someday,” I said against the back of it. “I promise, love. What you hear will fill our home someday.”
She gave me a brave smile, one that meant she didn’t believe me.
“I hope so,” she said. “We can’t worry about it now, though. Today, we’re supporting our friends and their child.”
Her words squeezed my heart tighter, and while I waited for the fragile organ to burst, every part of me turned brittle.
“Of course,” I managed to say after a moment. “You’re right.”
“I always am,” Lirilith said with a tiny grin.
As soon as we entered the garden behind Arivor’s house, the hostile scrutiny we’d endured on the street vanished, replaced by our friends waving or calling greetings. With strings of colorful cloth stretched between trees and bushes, this typically serene place seemed ready to burst with energy. As if imbued with it, Rafe’s friends were darting between the adults, and I wondered if the birthday boy had felt up to joining them today.
Lanterns in the trees had yet to be lit, and a table near the entrance supported a heaping pile of paper-wrapped lumps. Arivor was standing beside this, and when he saw us, he waved us over.
Patting my arm, Lirilith said, “You go. Tell him I said hello. I’ll find Clariss.”
Once she’d slipped into the crowd, I headed toward my friend, eyeing him. He looked tired, but exhaustion had been his natural state for the last few months. That was what happened when one stayed up into the small hours of the morning every night, doing research. What mattered was seeing the air of defeat, constantly hovering over him, lifted. As I came closer, he even slapped a hand to his mouth, laughing.
“A cat?” he gasped. “That’s what you went with this year?”
With a feigned pout, I said, “I think I did rather well, considering my deficiencies. You don’t like it?”
“No, I do!” Arivor said with twinkling eyes. “And Rafe will love it. It’s just… a cat? It matches your personality so well.”
Rolling my eyes, I dropped my satchel between us before scanning the garden.
“Speaking of Rafe, where is he?” I asked.
Hugging himself, Arivor said, “Out there somewhere, playing. Clariss is keeping an eye on him.”
“Ah.”
Together, we watched people chatting while everything we’d left unspoken hung between us. Did any of them see us, leeched of what they took for granted, and consider how to dispel what had us blinking burning eyes?
“This’ll be his last birthday, won’t it?” Arivor quietly asked.
Sucking in a breath, I forced myself to let it out slowly, giving myself time to quell my temper. I couldn’t nurse my own growing grief and pain. My friend needed my support in this, perhaps more than with anything else I’d helped him through.
“Don’t do that,” I said. “Your son needs you to have hope. He needs us to keep looking for a cure, and we’ll find one. Rafe will be with us next year.”
Arivor turned haunted eyes on me.
“But what if he isn’t?” he asked.
I took a breath, about ready to slap my friend. Fortunately, something in the form of tiny limbs and blue-brown hair stopped me before I did something I’d regret.
“Uncle Eri!” Rafe shouted.
As I turned to the boy, my heart both lifted and stuttered to see him running toward me. What if he fell?
As if thinking about that had caused it to happen, Rafe tripped, and a hand squeezed my throat closed. Before I knew what had happened, I was crouching in front of him, holding one of his elbows while Arivor had the other. I met my friend’s eyes before smiling at Rafe, steadying him.
“You should be careful, buddy,” I said. “We don’t want you hurting yourself.”
As if he hadn’t heard me, Rafe grabbed my ears, rubbing them, and I barely kept from wincing.
“They’re so soft!” he gasped. “And you’ve got whiskers too. I love it!”
“Told you,” Arivor said.
Right. Rafe didn’t need any reminders that he was slowly dying. He saw enough of that in the mirror with his unusually pale skin and the bruises that formed at the slightest impact. The weakness that left him in bed most days. The nausea that had him vomiting half of his meals back up.
He didn’t need me to mention these things. Not today.
“Are you having a good birthday?” I asked.
Rafe excitedly nodded.
“But it’s better now that you’re here,” he said. “Did Aunt Lirilith come too?”
“Of course she did. She went to find your mother,” I said. “I’m sure you’ll see her soon.”
“Oh, good!” Rafe said. “We wouldn’t want you to start your science tricks without her to ‘help’.”
Lirilith had always been the one to keep the tricks I pulled from getting out of hand. Many were the fires that she’d put out because I’d started a chemical reaction too close to something flammable.
Snapping my eyes to slits, I glared at Rafe.
“Why, you cheeky little-”
Hell, I wanted to pinch his cheeks like I’d once done. How was I supposed to reward his snark now?
After sticking out his tongue, Rafe said, “You know you love me, Uncle Eri.”
Oh, shit. I couldn’t shed these tears. Not here.
“I do, buddy,” I said, trying to smile. “Why don’t you get back to your friends? We can talk more later.”
Crossing his arms, Rafe slowly scanned me.
“Ok,” he said, “but only because you’re about to cry.”
With a winning grin, he spun in place before running out of view, and I rubbed my face.
“That boy is absolutely your son,” I groaned into my hands.
“He is talented at getting under your skin in the most endearing of ways.”
Rising from my crouch, I glanced at my friend with my jaw set.
“We have to save him,” I said.
“I know,” Arivor said. “Eriadren-”
Clicking his teeth together, he looked away, and I suppressed the urge to seize his shoulders and shake him.
“What is it?” I asked instead.
With his lips drawn into a thin line, my friend was fighting with himself. I’d seen him do it often enough to recognize the look.
“Arivor, I would do anything for you or your family,” I said. “Tell me what it is.”
Taking a deep breath, he crossed his arms, watching me from the corner of his eye.
“It’s a long shot,” he said, “and dangerous.”
“More dangerous than the shit we pulled during the war?” I asked, chuckling.
“Infinitely more so,” Arivor said.
My laughter died. Hell, he was serious. What sort of danger did he expect us to court?
Only one way to find out.
“Tell me,” I said.
With a long sigh, Arivor faced me, dropping his arms to his sides.
“How much do you know about Alouin and his disappearance from the world?”
Chapter 25: Another Teacher
Raimie
On the third day of our trip beneath the mountain, I’d begun to think that I’d made a mistake. For what had seemed like forever, we’d followed a set of mine tracks deep beneath the earth, and with each passing day, something distinctly dangerous had rippled through the group.
Without the crossing of the sun or moon across the sky, keeping track of time had been difficult. We’d had to rely on people with so-called ‘watches’ to decide when the group should make camp or march. Considering that these devices mostly existed among the Zrelnach, the few civilians who’d joined us had become disgruntled, which had only been exacerbated by their control of the group’s rations.
But that wasn’t the worst of it.
Shivering, I rubbed my arms, scanning my surroundings for the thousandth time. I didn’t know why I was doing this. The tunnel we were marching down, a square hole cleanly bored through stone, would never change, but even still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was stalking the group, something that would once more rip the rug out from under me.
A hand landed on my shoulder, and jumping, I spun to meet the amused gaze of my new friend.
“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that,” I hissed, “especially with everyone ready to snap right now.”
“Mm. True,” Rhylix said before going distant. “This tear’s aura of panic is strong. I’d say we’re within a day of reaching it. We’ll need to be careful going forward.”
Was that why the group had been so jumpy? I’d thought it was just the unease of being buried beneath a mountain, but that belief seemed foolish in retrospect. For their whole lives, every resident of Allanovian had lived in caves. This trip shouldn’t be any different for them, no matter that I had a need to sprint, howling, back to the city.
“I’d been wondering about that,” I said. “All of them, including my family, have been acting…”
“A little crazy?” Rhylix said.
Shaking my head, I said, “More than a little. I’m not happy about our circumstances either, but they’re being unreasonable. Suspicious, irritable… it’s annoying.”
“That’s what tears do to most people,” Rhylix said with a shrug.
Halting, I eyed the other man.
“Then, why hasn’t it affected you?” I asked. “Hell, what about me?”
“Who knows?” Rhylix said. “Our world is terrible and strange. I stopped trying to explain it ages ago.”
With a sigh, I resumed my trek.
“I suppose it doesn’t matter why. We should count our luck that someone in this miserable group is keeping their head,” I said, “but you didn’t find me to listen while I ramble. Did you need something?”
“I’m playing fetch, as usual,” Rhylix said with a grin. “Eledis wants to discuss something with you.”
Clicking my tongue, I said, “Of course he does. Where is he?”
“I’ll show you.”
As we threaded through the Esela, I did my best to avoid jostling or otherwise startling them. I didn’t want a sword stabbed through my chest, and with the current atmosphere, not only did such unwarranted violence seem possible, I thought it likely.
The group’s march had slowed down, and people had started squabbling over where to lay their bedrolls. Despite this, they'd given a wide gap to those in the lead.
With their campsite already arranged, Eledis and Ferin watched as the rest prepared for bed, tensely chatting, but they fell silent as Rhylix and I approached.
My friend practically skipped across the last few feet.
“One ‘insolent teenager’, as requested,” he chirped.
While Eledis glared at my friend, I fought to stay silent. My grandfather had called me worse names before, but hearing him chastised for his less than silver tongue threatened to send me into peals of laughter.
“Thank you,” Eledis said through gritted teeth. “You may relax for the evening.”
Rhylix looked to Ferin for approval, and when she nodded, he shrugged, clapping my shoulder as he left.
Watching him plunge back into the group’s activities, I cursed under my breath. I kept meaning to ask him why he’d had Silverblade forged for me, but other tasks had pushed the question to the side, and when in my friend’s presence, I’d developed the irritating habit of forgetting about it.
It didn’t help that with my training on pause while beneath the mountain, I hadn’t gotten to spend much time with him. This continuation of my ignorance, however, had become a bother. I should fix it.
For now, though…
Rounding on Eledis, I asked, “Is dad scouting again?”
“Yes, he and his friends have gone ahead of us. I don’t like it. If unsupervised, Aramar’s likely to do something stupid,” Eledis said, “but that’s not why I asked for you.”
Really now? I would never have guessed.
Crossing my arms, I asked, “What can I do for you, grandfather?”
“You mentioned that you were willing to learn more about our world,” Eledis said.
“Yes?”
“After much deliberation, I’ve decided on a tutor for you.”
Eledis gestured at Ferin, who raised two fingers in the air, and I wordlessly stared. Was he serious?
“Forgive me for asking, but what can you teach me, commander?” I said. “I’d assume you’re well-versed in anything related to a fight but…”
Smirking, Ferin said, “I’m more knowledgeable than you might think, young warrior. Besides, your choices for a tutor are slim to none right now. If you want a head start on your education, you’ll accept what I have to offer.”
I didn’t know how to reply. Everything Ferin had said was logical, and for that alone, I should eagerly accept this proposal but…
“Eledis, may I have a private word with him?” Ferin asked.
“Why not? It’s not like you can murder him with so many witnesses nearby,” Eledis said, “and I’d rather get comfortable for the night anyway. A good evening to you both.”
He stomped toward his bedroll, and Ferin jerked her head toward an unoccupied section of the tunnel. When we reached it, she whirled on me.
“Say it,” she demanded. “I know it’s been on the tip of your tongue since your second trial, so come on. Ask your question.”
Could I speak what had been churning in my stomach for days?
But why wouldn’t I? Now that Ferin had asked me to speak, no social norms were keeping me from it.
“Why did you make me a murderer?” I said. “Rhy’s told me there are other options for the trials, so why did you pick the one that you did? Were you simply that determined to see me fail? Why stain my essence as you have?”
As I’d spoken, Ferin had listened with the most serious of expressions, and at the end, she nodded.
“We did have other ways of testing your claim to the Audish throne, yes. I wanted to use one of those for your second trial, but I was overruled,” she said. “In the end, I hope some good can come of it, despite how much I hate what happened to you. If you continue along this path, young warrior, you’d have become a murderer eventually. Best for everyone involved if you made your first kill in relative safety. And Raimie?”
As if afraid I’d attack her, she hesitantly rested a hand on my shoulder.
“However it might seem, whether because of my past decisions or what might occur in the future, the last thing I want is to see you fail. My dearest wish is that you will defeat Doldimar with as little trauma done to you as possible, all so you can claim the throne that’s rightfully yours. I need you to understand this.”
Swallowing my questions, I said, “I do. I hope you can understand that, despite my acceptance of your explanation, I may harbor ill-will toward you for a while yet.”
Drooping, Ferin let her hand drop from my shoulder.
“Of course. It’s only to be expected,” she said. “In the meantime, can we work together to prepare you for what’s coming?”
With a nod, I said, “I think that’s for the best, despite the arrangement’s difficulties.”
That perked Ferin up. Grinning, she extended her hand, and a book appeared in the air over it. After she’d caught it, she threw it toward me, and as I scrambled to keep it from falling, Ferin summoned more. Once she was finished, I was haphazardly holding three books, all while a part of me clapped with glee. Even after weeks spent in Allanovian, this had been the first time I’d seen an Eselan use their magic.
“Your assignment,” Ferin said. “Study the highlighted portions of those books. I expect you to have learned their principles by the time we reach the other side of the mountains.”
“That seems… manageable,” I croaked.
“Does it?”
Ferin tossed another summoned book my way.
“Take a fourth, then,” she said. “Good luck, young warrior.”
Humming to herself, she strolled to join Eledis in bedding down, and I released a long breath.
“She’ll be fun to work with,” I said to myself.
Yawning, I meandered between Zrelnach who’d already fallen asleep. Carefully crossing mine tracks, I found a cart sitting on them, and after wedging my pack between it and the tunnel’s wall, I drew my knees up, flipping through one of the books.
Most of its text was underlined, but I didn’t think the marks would hinder me. Despite them, I should have the book’s contents absorbed into my mental index by day’s end tomorrow.
As I turned to the first page, scanning line after line, I reached into a pocket, making a face when I found it empty. I’d forgotten about using the last of Rhylix’s sleeping tinctures last night, and finding my friend to ask for more seemed like a hassle. I could deal with bad dreams for one night.
For now, my body and mind were buzzing with energy, so I tackled my assignment. I read for hours: through when my father and his scouting party returned, through when he checked on me, through when the rest of the camp fell still.
“I can’t believe you agreed to work with that woman.”
Glancing over the top of my book, I smirked at Bright and Dim.
“Hello, there,” I said.
Quietly, I set the book aside.
“How are you two feeling today?” I asked. “Any changes?”
Making a face, Bright said, “No, and there won’t be any until you’ve left the break in your reality behind.”
“That should happen soon,” I said. “Another couple of days at most.”
“Thank me,” Dim hissed. “Getting this close makes it difficult not to revert to -zzz-.”
With a buzzing growl, it strangled the air while Bright looked on with amusement.
“We could always return to fighting one another in our quest for his -zzz-.”
Snapping its teeth together, Bright clicked its tongue before buzzing a few garbled words.
“Hey! Don’t start bickering yet,” I said. “Who knows when today’s march will catch up with me? Let’s focus please.”
Sighing, Bright said, “Do you really want to tackle our communication hurdle again? It’s getting more dangerous for us to appear to you.”
Pausing, I narrowed my eyes at it.
“Dangerous how?” I asked.
“Let’s just say that if you call for us any closer to the break in your reality, something super fun might happen,” Dim said, bouncing in place.
When I looked at Bright for confirmation, it nodded with a look of distaste.
“Well, shit,” I said. “That would have been nice to know before we headed toward the tear.”
“We didn’t exactly get a chance to share before leaving Allanovian,” Bright grumbled.
And the beginnings of a fire in me were snuffed.
Making a face, I said “Fair. I’m sorry.”
Bright and Dim seemed confused by my apology, so I forged onward without waiting for their reply.
“If you might endanger the people around us, staying out of sight might be best for right now,” I said. “Can you appear to me when you think it’s safe, though?”
Giving an order to these two, even softly phrased as mine had been, made me want to squirm. Over the course of our nightly conversation, I might have grown more comfortable with these anomalies, but I still didn’t know what they were, besides incorporeal and mortal enemies.
“And we see sense in him again,” Dim said. “I wondered where it went.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Will you do as I’ve asked, then?”
“It’s a good idea,” Bright said with a pointed glare at Dim.
“Fine, fine,” it said. “Don’t get into trouble while we’re gone.”
“Thank you,” I told the empty air.
Sighing, I made myself comfortable, diving into the book again. Its words were beginning to swim in and out of focus, but surely, I could get a little further before-
Chapter 26: What's Wrong with Me?
Raimie
“Hello?” I called into the darkness. “Are you there? I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
Glancing around the inky landscape I was lying on, I sought out the wraith, a tad concerned about what I’d find…
Holy shit, I’d moved my head! Laughing, I sent my hands—both of them—to my face, caressing my nose and cheeks and chin.
Damn, the wraith had made progress. Where was that disturbing man? I should thank him.
I found him lying beside me, curled into my side, and while such close proximity might normally have me shoving him away, something stopped me before I could lay a hand on his shoulder. A quiet, mewling whimper rose from the wraith, a horrible melody that raised goosebumps on my skin, and every so often, he jerked: frantic motions when compared to his shivering.
And of course, there were his staccato bursts of words.
“No- Please! Don’t- It hurts-”
Softly, I called, “Hey, everything’s all right…”
What was the wraith’s name? How did I not know it?
“Wake up.”
Reaching for the wraith, I ran a finger over the edge of his hood, and a bundle of black cloth surged off of the ground. A wail accompanied his skitter backward.
“Wait! It’s ok,” I shouted. “You don’t have to run. I won’t hurt you.”
With his burst of movement turning still, the wraith faced me, leaning back on his hands with his chest heaving.
“Of course not,” he panted. “You would never hurt me.”
Flipping to his hands and knees, the wraith crawled to me, and when he stopped at my side, he tucked his legs under him, clenching his hands in his lap.
“Apologies. I was not expecting you back for a while yet,” he said.
“Happy circumstance,” I said. “I didn’t have a sleeping tincture on me tonight.”
“Ah.”
The wraith said nothing more, and in the resulting silence, I shifted as much as I could.
“Forgive me, but… are you ok? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but that nightmare looked bad,” I said. “Ha! A figment of my mind having a nightmare in my nightmare!”
But still, the wraith didn’t speak. He didn’t even move to cut me free, as he had in the past. The silence quickly turned awkward, leaving me scrambling for something to fill it, but fortunately, the wraith soon broke it instead.
“Do you remember how long you have had this… nightmare?” he asked.
Strange question.
“Um…” I hummed, sucking on my teeth. “Years? I’m not sure how many.”
“Nine,” the wraith said. “You have been trapped here, screaming, and I have been stuck here, listening to your pain, for nine years.”
Well, that didn’t answer my question from earlier, but that was ok. If the wraith wouldn’t share his dream with me, I’d go with the topic he’d provided. For now.
“Oddly specific,” I said.
“Yes, well,” the wraith said, hissing a sigh. “They have been rather hard to forget. When you first spoke to me, I thought the shock of it would kill me, so sure was I that w… you would die like this. I wonder what caused the change.”
Distractedly, I walked my fingers along the ground, brushing against cloth every so often. The wraith had never sat this close to me before.
…I really should ask him for his name.
“It doesn’t line up perfectly, but perhaps it’s related to the other upheavals in my life,” I said. “We started speaking around the time that I found Shadowsteal, after all.”
Stiffening, the wraith jerked his hood toward me.
“Shadowsteal?” he hissed. “Ancient blade of the Audish royals?”
Hmm. Had details from the waking world filtered to this level of my subconscious?
“Yes?” I drawled.
“But that would make u… you the one foretold to free that land,” the wraith said.
Rolling my eyes, I turned away from him.
“That’s what everyone keeps insisting,” I said.
“FUCK!”
With a frown, I peered at the wraith, wincing at the sight of him. Hunched on himself, he had one hand pressed to his forehead, and with his hood having almost fallen away, he rocked in place.
“Oh, my gods, heart of my heart. We are dead,” he rattled off. “We are dead, and this GODSDAMN SPELL is keeping me from helping.”
…We?
No. I needed to calm this man—my only hope of leaving this nightmare—down. Stretching, I reached for the wraith’s hand. It had to be around here somewhere.
“You’re counting me lost quite quickly,” I said. “My people and I haven’t reached Auden yet. We don’t know what we’ll face-”
I grazed my fingers against flesh that wasn’t mine, and at that contact, all thought stopped while something essential zipped through me.
Instinct seized control. Despite the awkward angle, I took the wraith’s hand, and our fingers curled around one another. With the blush of dawn invading it, the ink-black tapestry overhead swirled, and sound entered this place through a filter.
Two children giggled together.
And ghostly fingers played over my cheeks, coming to rest along my jaw.
“I love you, Raimie.”
Despite the flood of bliss that had my body bucking against my bonds, I reached toward the sky. Invisible strands of hair tickled my palm as I slid it down, and my voice mixed with a matching one, coming from all around.
“I love you too, N-”
Shooting to his feet, the wraith hugged himself while teardrops fell to patter on my face.
“I… need a moment,” he said with a thick voice.
Spinning, he marched away, and with my throat closing, I followed his progress, unsure why I was flinging an arm after him.
“Please! Gods, please!” I cried. “Don’t- Don’t leave-!”
Stinging on my cheeks brought me to awareness, and as I shot upright, I swatted at what was holding me.
“I’m awake, damnit!” I growled.
Once I was released, I scanned a tunnel and a mine cart and my father while scrubbing at my eyes. With a frown, I pulled my palms away, cocking my head at the moisture found there.
Had I been crying? Why?
Shaking my head to clear it, I winced when I saw my father’s grim expression.
“Did something horrible happen?” I asked. “Or equally as bad, did I have a nightmare?”
“Your screaming woke nearly all of the Zrelnach,” my father said.
“That explains the sore throat,” I said. “I don’t suppose you have a water skin for me, do you?”
As if expecting the request, my father extended the desired object to me, and while I guzzled from it, he offered me a hand up. How many times had we repeated this pattern for him to know its proceedings so well?
Lowering the water skin, I examined how many people were watching us. Too many, I determined.
“Bad one, then?” I asked.
Nodding, my father pointed at my feet, where the books that I’d been studying were scattered across the mine cart’s tracks. Wincing, I collected them, hoping Ferin wouldn’t be upset if I’d damaged any.
“You kept saying something between bouts of shouting. Something about needing to be free, but I woke you up before I could make it out,” my father said. “Did you remember anything this time?”
Sighing, I rubbed my temples.
“Nothing,” I said. “Same as always.”
“That’s a shame,” my father said with a sigh, “but perhaps it’s for the best. I’ll have Rhylix make you more of those fancy potions. In the meantime, we’ll have to hope that a day of normalcy will soothe the others’ unease.”
“Alternatively,” I drawled, “we could get me out of sight. Let me go scouting with you.”
Shifting in place, my father said, “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. We’ll probably run across the tear today, and while I may have gotten used to its affects during my training, you’ve never been near one. I’ll already have several people joining me this morning so-”
“What’s one more?”
With a nervous glance at the Zrelnach, I shoved books into my bulging pack.
“Besides, have I acted like most everyone else over the last few days?”
Expression dropped off of my father’s face as he wordlessly examined me.
“No,” he said. “No, you haven’t.”
“Great! Then, will you please get me away from these suspicious people?” I asked. “I can fix this disaster once we’re on the other side of the mountains.”
Glancing behind him, my father grimaced.
“Fair enough,” he said. “Are you ready to leave now, or do you need a moment?”
I shrugged the pack on my shoulder in answer.
“Follow me, then.”
Rather than heading into the mass of Zrelnach behind us, my father led me further into the tunnel. As we approached the spot where torches had yet to be lit, illumination gradually diminished, and at the line where shadows started forming, a group of four Esela was waiting. Three of them were putting as much distance between themselves and the fourth person as they could, and as we approached, one of the three, Gistrick, brightened.
“Aramar!” he called. “Will you please tell this healer that he can’t come with us?”
Sighing through his nose, Rhylix shook his head above his crossed arms.
“Why not?” he asked. “I’m as proficient of a fighter as everyone here, have had no issues while traveling toward the tear, and can fix up the injured if we run into trouble.”
“Plus, I want him with us,” I said.
With his eyes widening, Gistrick blinked as if just now seeing me.
“Raimie, why are you here?” he asked. “You can’t-”
“He’s joining us today,” my father interrupted.
He stopped between the estranged parties while I kept quiet. For now, I was content to fade into his shadow.
Glancing at Rhylix, my father said, “You think this is a good idea? The tear-”
“Won’t affect me,” Rhylix said with a bright smile. “I’d like to keep an eye on my new… friend.”
After a sharp nod, my father jerked his head toward the darkened tunnel.
“He’s coming,” he said. “Let’s go.”
“But… Aramar!” one of the unknown women said.
Already striding into the dark, my father called, “I said let’s go, Aya.”
With many a grumble, the Zrelnach trailed after their friend while I hung back with Rhylix. The two of us strolled more slowly down the tunnel, and every so often, we watched the Esela ahead of us light the torches on the walls.
“Are you ok?” Rhylix asked. “Last night’s nightmare sounded much worse than the ones you’ve had before.”
“Maybe it was. I wouldn’t know,” I said with a shrug, “but yes, I’m ok.”
I refused to look at my friend, certain I knew what he was thinking. I’d had this conversation often enough to predict how it would go.
After a moment, Rhylix asked, “What do you mean ‘you wouldn’t know’?”
Sighing, I scrubbed at my face.
“I mean I don’t remember it,” I said. “The damn things have plagued me since I was a kid, and not once have I remembered what I was dreaming about.”
“Hmm. That’s unusual.”
Laughing under my breath, I said, “You’re telling me.”
Thankfully, Rhylix didn’t press the issue, not for a while at least. In silence, we hiked down an unusually smoothed path for what seemed like hours, and all the while, I struggled with how to ask the questions I had for my friend. Chewing on my lip, I listened to the chatter of the scouts ahead, considering where to start, but before I could decide, Rhylix stepped into our quiet.
“These nightmares…” he said as if musing. “I wonder if their strength is what’s had you blazing through my tinctures more quickly than you should. Did you know that the ones I’ve mixed for you are twice as potent as my normal dose?”
“Really?” I said, crinkling my brow.
That seemed odd.
Nodding, Rhylix said, “Indeed. The reason for it has puzzled me over the last couple of weeks. But why am I bothering you with this? It’s a healer’s concern.”
Should I tell him? Every time I’d brought this subject up in the past, it hadn’t ended well. In fact, those instances were the only times I could remember my father getting angry with me.
At the same time, seeing if this issue was as unnerving as my father had implied would be nice. Plus, I’d meant to tell Rhylix about it for weeks now.
“I may know why,” I mumbled, half-hoping my friend wouldn’t catch the words.
From the wrinkle of his face, that hope seemed dashed.
“You do?” he asked.
Nodding, I fiddled with my tunic’s hem with the ground having become my focus.
“So, I have this-”
Hell, what was the best way to describe it? Swallowing hard, I tried again.
“There’s a pit inside of me, one I’ve had for years,” I said. “It’s not the typical emptiness that everyone gets throughout life, though. This is persistent, like someone’s taken hold of my essence and yanked a piece of it out and-”
Alouin, but it ached. It always did when I acknowledged it, but this time felt worse. Hugging my chest, I held an invisible, throbbing wound together.
“Years ago, I stopped telling dad about it because he doesn’t like hearing that it’s there. That’s why I haven’t spoken about it with you,” I said, “but anyway, I think it’s related to my nightmares. Lately, I’ve woken up from them, and I’ve- I’ve heard a voice in my head. It makes the hurt go away, which seems like an indication of correlation. At least to me. But what do I know?”
This was where Rhylix called me crazy. What else was he supposed to think after such an insane confession? Even my family had trouble accepting this part of me.
“Hmm. I’ve never heard of something like that before,” Rhylix said, “but that’s ok. Maybe together, we can figure out why this pit is causing your nightmares. Or maybe it’s vice versa?”
He shrugged.
“I’m sure we’ll find out one way or… What is it?”
Several paces ahead, Rhylix was looking back at me, and jolted into my body by the question, I cleared my throat.
“It’s… nothing.”
Did my voice sound as tight to Rhylix as it did to me?
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Ok…” Rhylix said.
He resumed his hike, and after shaking myself, I hurried to catch up. When it came to this sense that I wasn’t whole, no one had taken me seriously. It usually got brushed off as youthful dramatics or something similar. But Rhylix…
Hell, I thought my eyes might burn to cinders in their sockets while that warmth seeped into my chest, but I couldn’t let Rhylix see how much his acceptance had affected me. What would he think after learning how extreme of a reaction I’d had? Would he pity me?
So, no. I’d keep this to myself, moving onto another topic.
“You never told me why you had Silverblade made for me,” I said.
Giving me a sidelong glance, Rhylix said, “What do you mean?”
“Before my second trial, you said you were giving me the blade for reasons that you’d discuss after I passed it,” I said. “Well, I’ve passed. So?”
Lifting his head, Rhylix suddenly seemed to find the stone above us fascinating.
“I’d hoped you’d forgotten about that, at least for a little while longer,” he said.
“Wha-?”
“Raimie! Rhylix! Get up here.”
Ahead, the tunnel widened, and at the mouth of this opening, the other scouts were waiting. Rhylix darted to meet them, and I narrowed my eyes, hoping he felt needles shooting into his back. My new friend was hiding something.
I didn’t like it.
Chapter 27: The Tear Beneath the Mountain
Raimie
After Rhylix and I had joined the others in our scouting party, I took note of their foreboding expressions and silently sighed. For two days, these people had encountered nothing on their quests into the dark, and something had come up on the day that I’d joined them. Of course. It was probably just the tear, which we’d expected, but still.
“We’ve reached the cavern that holds the tear,” Gistrick said.
Oh, goodie. I’d been right.
“From here on, we should stick together, otherwise the tear might have us doing… bad things,” Gistrick continued. “We should also send someone back to the main column, letting them know how far they are from this place. I’d volunteer Raimie and the heal- Rhylix for the job—”
Crossing my arms, I fixed the man with a flat stare.
“—but I get the feeling they wouldn’t let that happen,” Gistrick said with a chuckle. “Anyone else want the job?”
An unknown man raised his hand, and Gistrick nodded.
“Off with you, then. Aramar, am I forgetting anything?”
My father never moved from where he was staring into the black ahead.
“Whatever you do, don’t approach the tear,” he said. “I know that seems obvious, but we have newbies with us.”
“And you haven’t done this in a while,” Gistrick said.
Relenting in his challenge of the dark, my father faced us.
“No, I haven’t,” he said. “Raimie, it’s a straight sprint to the other side of the cavern, maybe half a mile’s distance. It shouldn’t take long, but do try to keep up.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Dad, who’s been running around the forest for the last few years, and who’s been busy with playing house?”
“Fair,” my father said with a wince. “Hopefully, we’ll get lucky, and the others will catch up with us before we’ve finished recovering on the other side. If things seem normal in the cavern, I’d rather not cross it for a second time.”
Gistrick pounded my father on the back.
“None of us would,” he said, “but come now. Let’s get this over with.”
Making a face, my father moved as close as he could to the dividing line between light and dark, and after the group had formed around him, we ran.
I’d been skeptical about a sprint through pitch-black, but once we'd left firelight behind us, the soft illumination that it had hidden came to the forefront. A flickering white light brushed along every inch of the cavern—its floor, rolling like hills, and its unnaturally smooth walls, marred only by a far-distant hole—but I wasn’t sure where it was coming from.
The change in my companions slipped beneath my notice until we were almost halfway across. My father and Gistrick seemed fine, although they’d gritted their teeth and hunched their shoulders, and Rhylix appeared the same, if with a slight weave to his step.
The other Esela, however, had me pulling closer to my father. They were muttering under their breath, jerking their eyes across the cavern, but more concerningly, they’d rested their hands on their weapons’ hilts.
“We’re getting close,” Rhylix said with his words slurred.
Following the line of his gaze, I found a corona of brilliant, white light capping a hill at our side. A sliver of black peeked between the stone’s crest and this arch, but before I could ask if what I was seeing was the tear, buzzing burst on my ears.
When I jerked toward the noise, my stomach fell through the floor. Several feet ahead, Dim and Bright had appeared, and they did not look happy with one another. Of course, they usually didn’t, but this was different. Watching them brought to mind an image of two armies lining up for battle.
Then, Bright opened its mouth, and the resulting screech echoed in the cavern.
Stopping short, I clapped my hands to my ears, cringing. Damn, that had hurt. A sharp sliver of ice had been driven through my ear and into my head, and as the noise continued, I almost crumpled to the ground.
“Raimie?”
My father’s voice sounded like it was coming through water, garbled and muffled.
“We need to keep going. Now, before-”
“There’s something in the shadows!”
An Eselan—Aya, I believed—had halted between Bright and Dim, drawing her sword as she spun.
“Don’t you see it?” she shouted. “How do you not see it? Unless…”
“Aya, calm down,” Gistrick said. “This is the tear talking.”
He moved toward the woman with his hands raised, and she wavered, lowering her sword with a question in her eyes. Seeing it, I let out a breath. I should deal with Bright and Dim before they made this situation worse.
Before I could decide how I’d do that without adding to the aura of insanity hovering over me since this morning, my anomalies resumed their screeching match, advancing on one another. As if in response, Aya snapped her blade back up, and Gistrick retreated toward my father.
“I hate to suggest it, but we should leave her here,” he said under his breath. “Once everyone’s on the other side, we can return for her.”
Perhaps Gistrick had been trying to stay quiet, but it hadn’t been enough. The second, unknown Eselan leapt away from us, bringing his weapon to bear as well.
“No Zrelnach leaves another behind,” he hissed. “How could you suggest such a thing?”
“He did what?” Aya growled. “Maybe I’m right, then. Maybe Doldimar’s swayed him… somehow. All of us know the stories of what that bastard can do, and with them here, Allanovian might have drawn his attention.”
“And who would have brought that focus here?” the second Eselan said. “Who’s been acting strangely since he returned?”
They turned on me, and around them, Dim and Bright ceased their bickering. Both of them looked my way, which was bad.
“He has acted nothing like the Raimie we knew,” Aya said. “Less of a ruthless edge.”
“What are you saying?” my father snapped.
He stepped between the Esela and me.
“Do you actually think Raimie could hurt people like you?” he continued. “That’s ridiculous.”
I didn’t know how these strangers could know me well enough to answer my father’s question, but when it seated doubt in them once more, I didn’t scrutinize it. Before my twins could cause more problems, I ducked around my father, hurrying to the instabilities in our midst with my hands raised.
“You have valid concerns, ones that we should discuss,” I said, “but let’s do so when we’re safe. Far from the tear.”
“He’s… right,” Aya breathed.
Beside her, Dim crossed its arms, inclining its head while it buzzed.
“But what if it’s not Raimie?” the unknown Eselan said. “What if it’s him?”
He pointed, and behind me, Rhylix released an exaggerated sigh.
“Hell,” he breathed. “Really?”
Bright started jabbering, marching toward Dim with a finger pointed in accusation.
“That would make sense,” Aya said. “Raimie’s been under his care since returning to us.”
“You’re…. right,” Gistrick said before violently shaking his head. “Aya. Dozat. We can’t discuss this here. This is the worst possible place to have an argument.”
“And I’d have noticed if Rhylix was manipulating me,” I say. “Stop this! I know Rhy’s not your favorite person, but this is ridiculous. Let’s stop shouting at each other and get somewhere safe.”
I glared at Bright and Dim while saying that last part, but they didn’t hear me. They circled one another with dusk and light in their hands, and seeing no change in them, a string of curses ran through my head.
“What's going on here?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I sucked in a breath. Another group was approaching us, and with blood draining from my cheeks, I angled my body so I could see both parties. One, my twins, was a known danger. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the other.
Ferin strode toward us with more Zrelnach behind her.
“Rhy?” she asked as she got closer.
Wincing, Rhylix closed one eye as if in preparation.
“The tear’s manipulating them?” he hesitantly said.
Spinning, Dim roared at Rhylix, and Bright took advantage of the opening, tackling its counterpart. Unlike with their other fights, they didn’t disappear after making contact, scuffling on the ground instead with many a scratch and bite.
“We’re not-!” Aya growled. “No. It doesn’t matter. All unknowns are a threat, especially the humans. We should kill them.”
“Excuse me?” Gistrick said.
But the other Eselan, Dozat, had no words like his ally. He raced for his closest perceived foe, and I backpedaled, drawing Silverblade. Unfortunately, everything I’d recently learned about fighting had fled from my head, so my sword was less than useless, and I didn’t know if I could run with an enemy this close.
“Fucking… gods… damnit!” someone shouted, getting steadily closer.
Dozat swung at me, and with a dry mouth, I raised Silverblade, unsure if I could block the strike. Something tugged on my tunic—
“Get behind me!”
—and as I stumbled away, I watched Rhylix bat Dozat’s blade aside before punching him in the face.
Spinning, he shouted, “Go! I’ll cover you.”
I didn’t think to question him. Finding the closest empty spot, I sprinted that way.
Chapter 28: Beyond the Veil
Raimie
I didn’t know how no one landed a blow on me before I reached a space absent violence, but soon, I shot out of a spreading pool of it, stopping with my hands on my knees.
Gasping, I glanced over a mass of Zrelnach, fighting with civilians in their midst. At the center of this, my twins had yet to stop rolling on the ground, beating on one another.
They’d been right. Their presence had caused a disaster.
“Damnit, Bright and Dim,” I grumbled.
“Who’re Bright and Dim?”
Glancing up at Rhylix as he joined me, I straightened.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “Any ideas for how to stop this?”
Rhylix slowly shook his head.
“I’ve never figured out how to negate a tear’s influence. The only thing that works is moving away from it,” he said, “and I don’t see how we can get these people doing that.”
People who were slowly killing each other while Rhylix and I dithered.
“The tear’s causing this,” I said to myself.
If we couldn’t move away from it, could we move it?
No, that was ridiculous. It was a rip in reality.
But rips could be stitched together. Tears could be closed.
“Yes?” Rhylix drawled. “We’ve already established the cause of our crisis.”
Oh, this was a bad idea. I didn’t like thinking about what might happen to me if I followed through with it, but looking over the people fighting each other because of Bright and Dim, I knew I didn’t have a choice. If this continued for much longer, I wouldn’t have any allies to stand with me against Doldimar’s minions.
“This will get me killed,” I said.
“Will what now?” Rhylix asked. “Hey!”
But I’d already taken off, sprinting for the tear as fast as I could. If I went any slower, I wouldn’t outrun the terror fighting to overwhelm me, and from what Rhylix was shouting at my back, my friend might stop me too. So, I dashed over stone hills, only faltering when the tear came into view.
An oval almost as tall as me hung in a wide valley, hovering a handspan above cracked stone. Those cracks radiated outward from beneath it, and when I hit the first of these, I swallowed. Alouin, my eyes were so wide that they might pop out of my head.
The tear itself nearly sent me fleeing from it. A void—an ellipse made of a black so deep that it sucked light into it—sat in its center, and yet, a white glow danced around its circumference, defying what was trying to extinguish it.
Looking at this marvel, I thought I might be sick while my body protested something that should not exist, and I knotted my fingers in my hair, tugging on it. Something inside my head clamored to be released, reaching out for the tear in desperation, and I found my free hand lifting to match it.
I didn’t want to do this. It would kill me!
I needed to do this. “Can’t you hear the call of something…?”
The tear sang to me, and I brushed a finger against its inky—
—black. I was floating in nothing, a non-existent place that was so dark it reminded me of… somewhere else. I thought.
But this place was good. This was nice. This was ho-
A wash of images spilled through me, projecting into my vision. Snippets of people who looked nothing like me and places that couldn’t exist. Scenes of events that I could only watch with bafflement, unsure how their participants grew plants with the flick of a wrist or zipped across snow with only planks on their feet.
The deluge saturated my mind in what felt like seconds, but who could keep track of time in a place where nothing existed?
Nothing except the images.
And the voices.
They jabbered nonsense at me, words with no meaning and concepts that I could never understand, and with both streams of information pouring through my head, the accumulated pressure threatened to burst my skull into bits of bone and brain.
Why had I thought this was…?
When I screamed into oblivion, the heat of lightning, crackling inside my brain, boiled off as it left my tongue, but it kept building and building and building and building.
Until it stopped.
Limp, I let viscous liquid drizzle from my nose, trying to remember what I’d been doing.
“It’s him! Light, it’s actually-”
“That can’t be right. It’s not time… No, it IS right. Shit.”
“It’s him, it’s him! The successor!”
What… was this? It seemed like the voices from before had focused. Yes?
But if they could do that, did that mean something sentient lay behind them?
“We should kill him now. Stop Alouin’s future before it comes to pass.”
“No! Of the seven, he’s the one most essential to us, especially if we want to get rid of THEM.”
“So, do we…?”
I couldn’t listen to their nonsense.
Coughing, I rasped, “Help me. Please.”
And a million-million voices coalesced to ask.
“Would you like to make a deal?”
A… deal?
“What would be the terms?” I asked.
“Well, that would depend on what you want now, wouldn’t it?”
Of course it would. I was such an idiot, just as the voices had said.
Had they said that?
But, no. What was it that I wanted? I could swear I’d known a minute ago.
“I need to close a… tear,” I gasped.
Oh, the pressure in my head was mounting again. It was going to kill me. It would!
Laughter burst into the void, discordant and rankling, and with each bounce of it, multi-colored spheres blinked in and out of existence. There were so, so many of them, spreading in every direction, and sluggishly, they drifted around me. Transfixed, I reached for one, but before I could touch it, the voice’s merriment abruptly ceased, and the spheres disappeared.
“You want to close a rip in reality? Oh gods, earth and fire, Sgaradh, light! We’ll need no payment for a request like that. Watching you try will be recompense enough.”
The voices fell silent, and I hissed at the bloom of an ache in my skull.
“So… help?” I said.
“Right. You need us to tell you. Ok. Reach out, Raimie. Feel what’s around you. Then, share what you find with us.”
What was around me? Nothing was around me, not even the spheres anymore!
But… I couldn’t afford indignation or doubt, so I did as the voices had asked. Closing my eyes, I stretched out my senses, paying attention to what they might tell me, but there was nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing-
Wait.
Yes, nothing lay in the void but BEHIND it…
A war. A never-ending struggle. A push and pull. Life versus Death. Perpetuation versus Disintegration.
“Order versus Chaos,” I said.
I’d felt something like this before, hadn’t I? When Dim and Bright had shown me their true forms.
“Hmm. Such powerful aspects you’ve attracted, but it makes sense. You are the successor, after all.”
“Great. I’ve found something that I don’t understand in a place I have yet to wrap my head around,” I growled. “How does that help me close a tear?”
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stay here. Not that I knew how to leave.
“So impatient. Very well. Do you feel the energies coming from Order and Chaos?”
Energies? What did that-?
“Yes,” I breathed.
“Draw those energies to you, blend them, and feed them to the reality rip. Once that’s done, it will be done. Your answer, Raimie.”
That sounded simple enough. Well, simple, even if I had no idea how to do the individual parts, but I wouldn’t get much more from the voices, and I had one vitally important question left.
“Thank you,” I said. “I was also wondering… how do I get home?”
The void hiccupped, and I could swear that the voices were staring at me with tilted heads, even having no bodies as they did.
“What does he mean ‘home’? Is he not already…?”
“Ohhhh. He means the Auden iteration. That makes sense.”
“Silly child doesn’t know yet.”
“What?” I yipped.
“Until next time, successor.”
“Wait. No!” I shouted.
Please, not another—
—mystery of the tear drew me in, even as I screamed my voice raw, and somewhere far away, someone called my name. I couldn’t pay these things any mind, though. I had to finish what I’d started before the unknown turned my brain to mush.
What had the voices told me to do? Call on energy?
Reaching for what I’d found, I drew threads of Chaos and Order from the tear, gathering them into separate bundles. They repelled each other, to the point that it threatened to rip me in two, and I knew of only one way to stop it.
Forcing them closer, I wove the edges of those energy together, no matter how loudly they squealed in protest. I would amalgamate them. They would blend, damnit!
And they did. And I was whole.
Well, nearly whole. Nothing could fill the piece of my essence that was forever lost.
Still, I’d never experienced a greater sense of peace in my life, and as I clutched it to my chest, the idea of releasing it made me recoil, almost removing my touch from the tear.
“Raimie, let it go now!” someone roared in my ear.
Why should I care about what Rhylix said? This peace was mine. Mine, mine, mine, and Rhylix…
Rhy. My father. Eledis. They were trapped in conflict, and as long as I hoarded this harmony to myself, they’d stay there until they died.
Oh… oh, oh, oh… this wouldn’t be fun.
Taking a deep breath, I unleashed my combined energy… Balance… onto the tear, and it wavered.
I might have seen more of this if returning strife hadn’t had me curling on myself. Every fragment of thought and effort went into pouring peace out of my body, and as the last drop was wrung from me, something in my core wrenched.
Falling to my knees, I swayed in place with the cavern’s sudden darkness matching my spirit. Oh, Alouin. Something was wrong with me.
Someone shook me, saying my name. I couldn’t be bothered to answer.
Because something was wrong.
A warm hand led me along. Bitter liquid flowed into my mouth, and my jaw was held closed until I swallowed. Scratchy fabric settled over my body, and words were spoken in tight voices.
Couldn’t they see? SOMETHING WAS WRONG!
But no one noticed, so I huddled beneath the surface, licking the wound on my mind like a dog. I was content to stay here. What was the point in returning to the world?
“Did we…?”
A cough interrupted the question.
“Did that break him?”
“If anything could, it’d be trying something so stupid.”
A different tone, a different person.
“Impressive but very, very stupid.”
I knew those voice.
Rushing to the surface, I jumped to my feet, spinning on Bright and Dim.
“What the fuck was that?” I shouted.
The anomalies flickered, there and gone again faster than I could keep track. Their clothes had turned ragged, and they’d shed patches of their skin, revealing limbs of light and shadow.
What had happened to them? They looked horrible.
Wait. Why did I care?
“We were taking a path beside something that’s known to drive people mad, and you started a fight? Are you kidding me?”
Cringing, Bright said, “We didn’t have control-”
“I don’t give a damn about your control,” I said. “You don’t endanger people over petty disagreements!”
As I took a step forward, Dim slid in front of me, raising a hand.
“If I may,” it said.
“I’m not finished,” I snapped. “From the way you’ve treated me, I know you want something from me. I’m not an idiot. If you’d like me to give you whatever it is, I. can’t. be. dead.”
I jabbed a finger into their faces. Their first appearance during the Zrelnach trials had almost got me skewered and now this? It was too much.
“An efficient way to keep me alive would be to STOP TRYING TO KILL ME!”
As this roar faded into the night air, it left Bright and Dim watching me like one would with a crazed animal. I couldn’t bear to look at them.
“Get out of my sight,” I growled.
They hesitated with their guttural flickering growing erratic, so I took a step forward, almost merging with their bodies.
“I said get out of my sight!”
With a pop, the anomalies disappeared, revealing the host of people behind them. They were standing or lounging several feet away from me, but the tree branches, stifling moonlight overhead, did nothing to hide how every eye was turned my way. Crackling flames filled a deep silence, and with panic singing in the back of my mouth, I took a step away.
And another. And another until a tree trunk hid me from view.
Gasping, I leaned on one knee while my eyes jumped across the forest floor.
They’d seen me screaming at thin air. What in the void would I do?
From the side, somebody took hold of me, and I tensed, reaching for a weapon. Any weapon.
“You’re back,” my father breathed into my hair. “You’re ok!”
I held still while he squeezed me. I didn’t know why I was still getting ready to defend myself, but I wanted him to release me. How did I ask for that, given how pleased he seemed?
“Dad…” I pushed through my throat.
It was my father’s turn to go stiff. Prying himself off of me, he retreated with his hands raised. Why was he acting so cautiously?
“You need time alone, don’t you?” he asked.
Why would he think-?
Without my permission, my head jerked in a nod.
Deflating, my father said, “All right. I’ll give you space if you’re ok. You are, aren’t you?”
Was I?
“I… think so,” I said.
“Ok, then. I’ll smooth the Zrelnach’s ruffled feathers,” my father said. “Good night, son.”
I didn’t have the energy to reply. Slamming my back into a tree, I slid down it, peering at the canopy above. Why did I feel so drained?
Tree limbs swayed, leaves rustled, and after a time that I couldn’t measure, footsteps crunched to a stop in front of me.
“That was a decent speech you gave.”
A speech? Was that how my angry rant had been taken?
“Rhy,” I sighed.
The shadow shrank, and when a flame burst to life between us, it outlined my friend’s serious features.
“Will I have to fix you up again?” he asked.
Coughing a laugh, I shook my head.
“I’m just tired,” I said. “Will probably get some sleep soon.”
“Can I stay with you?” Rhylix asked. “Your father mentioned that you needed solitude, but you have an unnatural tendency to attract trouble, my… friend.”
Why did Rhylix always sound so surprised when he said that word?
“I don’t mind,” I said.
I’d hate to disappoint my father with this weakness but Rhylix? He’d seen me at my worst. What was another instance of it?
Settling on the ground nearby, he extinguished his summoned flame.
“I thought you despised magic,” I said.
“Doesn’t mean I won’t use it when I have to.”
Alouin, such disgust. Snickering, I sank further into the fallen leaves.
“I have so many questions for you,” I said, “but I’m so-”
A yawn nearly cracked my jaw in half, which had Rhylix softly laughing.
“Sleep, Raimie,” he said. “Your questions can wait until tomorrow.”
“Including the one about Silverblade?” I asked.
Shifting in place, Rhylix said, “Yes. Even that one.”
“That’s… good. The question’s… been on my mind… since you-”
The wraith hovered over me with his shadowed features twisted, and warm skin was circled around my neck, although this hold hadn’t tightened.
“What did you do to us?” the wraith shouted.
Someone was about to strangle me? I should be frightened by this.
But I wasn’t.
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Us?”
Jerking away, the wraith retracted his grip, grazing his knuckles on my chest.
“You… do not feel it?” the wraith said. “The burn in your being, the diminishment?”
“No…” I drawled.
“You have no idea what you did.”
With a sob, the wraith clapped his hands to his face.
“Of course you do not. Why should I have expected any differently?”
His shoulders shook, and hesitantly, I took hold of his wrist.
“Hey,” I said. “Everything will be ok.”
Exploding off of me, the wraith towered over my body, and with a foot planted on either side of my chest, he shoved a finger in my face.
“You always say that,” he shouted, “but it will not be ok. It will NEVER be ok, Raimie. You forgot me for nine years! How could you?”
Frowning, I dragged my head along the ground, cocking it.
“Forgot you?” I asked. “Did we know one anoth…?”
The memory of my last visit here filtered through the cracks, and with its repeat, I sucked in air, but the wraith didn’t notice. He stretched his arms toward me as if to strangle me again.
“You see? DO YOU SEE?” he growled. “When you started talking to me, I thought things would get better, but it has only gotten worse. Just… go to sleep, Raimie.”
Swooping toward me, the wraith touched my forehead, and I frantically reached for the one who echoed my emptiness.
“Wait! I-”
Claws dragged me into dreams.
My dreams held only nightmares.
Chapter 29: Dealing with Teenage Boys
Rhylix
For when I next see you, I may not have control.
After the display with the tear two days ago, I could say, without a doubt, that this latest ally terrified me. When we'd been beneath the mountain, I'd run off after Raimie unsure what the hell the kid had been doing, and when he'd stuck his hand into a godsdamn tear...
Oh, my poor heart had just about stopped. I'd thought our quest was over and done with before it could truly begin, but then, Raimie had started... he'd started.
Gods, seeing tendrils of light and dark streaming from the tear to him had been an awe-inspiring moment, easily within the top ten events in my life, and Raimie had topped it off by doing something I'd never seen before. I was still unsure about exactly what he'd done, but the appearance of that silvery mist, a small window into what lay beneath, in his cupped hands had affixed the seedlings of hope in my shell of a heart, and finally, finally, I let myself think of a question that I'd left untouched for forever.
Could I use this to end the cycle?
Either way, sitting next to this teenager had my heart pounding in my ears with my mouth a dry desert, which was an interesting experience. I hadn't felt like this in... gods. I couldn't remember when the last time was.
"That's an interesting look on you."
Glancing up at my constant nuisance, I somehow contained a smirk.
"You're one to talk," I said.
Its Eselan guise had cracked, nearly revealing the creature of light hidden beneath, and it was trembling, clearly struggling to stay anchored on this plane. I might be more concerned by this if I hadn't seen Raimie's splinters—I still couldn't wrap my mind around him having two—in this state.
Still. I had to ask.
"Should I be worried? Has Entropy gotten the upper hand?"
Glaring, my constant nuisance hissed, "If it had, would we be talking right now? Answer? No. I'd be running around this iteration with my brethren, fighting to stabilize its rate of deterioration. Will you ask a useful question now?"
Having pulled away from it, I raised my eyebrows, merely blinking for a moment, and when my constant nuisance didn't start fretting over its anomalous behavior, those eyebrows rose higher.
This sassiness was new. I begrudgingly liked it, which was strange. My relationship with this being had been steeped in hostility for so long that I wasn't sure how to handle a positive emotion getting added to the mix.
"Well, I'm glad we're not dying faster than we normally would. Good job, you," I sarcastically said. "Mind telling me what the hell Raimie did with the tear?"
My constant nuisance's face closed of.
"He closed it," was all it would say.
"Yes... I saw that," I said. "I was more interested in how he did that. Has anyone else closed a tear, or is he the first? And what did he do with the energies that he pulled to him? Did he combine them? Is that even possible? Have you stuck me with an ally who can break reality this time?"
For a long while, my constant nuisance said nothing, holding its typical motionlessness to an extreme. Then, it shifted, looking over my head.
"You've asked many questions of me," it said.
They were all things that I'd thought necessary to ask, ways to learn if my hope could become more than a seedling, and the fact that my constant nuisance wouldn't easily answer them was souring any enjoyment I might have taken from its changed mood. Based on its shuffling, I'd have to press harder to get what I wanted, so I readied myself and deliberately said my constant nuisance's name.
"Creation."
When a familiar face, riddled with cracks, whipped toward me, I released a breath.
"I need those answers."
I wouldn't beg for them, wouldn't lower myself to that indignity, but Creation would know what I was really saying.
Crossing its arm, it picked at the frayed fabric covering its elbow.
"So far as I know, no one has closed a reality rip," it said, "and your ally isn't breaking reality. Merging the wholes isn't unheard of."
Helpful.
"Why are you being so difficult with this?" I said. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were hiding something from me."
Gasping, Creation took a step back.
"Obscuring the truth is of the enemy," it breathed. "It doesn't matter if my access to the whole has been diminished. I need... I need to return there!"
"No. Wait! Don't-"
Creation vanished, and groaning, I thunked my head against a tree trunk. It had bene acting somewhat tolerable again, but when it eventually returned to this plane, it would be back to acting like a constant nuisance.
Oh, well.
Leaning against the tree, I peered down my nose at the boy beside me.
Raimie had mentioned that he had questions for me? Well, I felt the same confused curiosity about him.
Unfortunately, I wasn't sure if my questions would be answered anytime soon. In fact, I was very much aware that Raimie had no idea he was causing those questions, and because of this, I wasn't sure if I could ask them.
It was amazing that such a peacefully sleeping face could stand at the center of the complete rearrangement of my life.
"He doesn't look crazy."
Jerking my head up, I found the owner of that voice, standing just outside of my reach.
"I'd hoped that his ability to mess with a tear would make having lost to him hurt less, but... I suppose I was being optimistic. I'll have to look elsewhere."
"Dath?" I said.
Scrambling to my feet, I stood over Raimie, and while I didn't lay a hand on a weapon, the Zrelnach trainee shrunk away from me as if scolded, hiding a sword behind his back.
"Hello," he awkwardly said.
"What are you doing here?" I said. "And... where are your splints?"
Oh. Since I'd been given the opportunity, I should probably shore up my ally's credibility too.
"Also, he's not crazy. Probably just addled from what happened beneath the mountain."
Clasping his elbow, Dath said, "Whatever you say, Rhy. But why are you so surprised to see me? Did you really think I'd stay in Allanovian? No way was I missing this once in a lifetime expedition."
'Even if it's let by him?'
Almost, I said this out loud, but adding to the antagonism between the boys didn't seem wise, especially when we'd soon be traveling through open country for quite a while.
"And your splints?" I asked instead.
"You told me to remove them while fighting the human," Dath said. "I thought the same would hold true for our fight."
Hell. I'd hoped the trainee would forget about that. Ah, well. Maybe if I feigned ignorance, Dath would let it go.
Furrowing my brow, I said, "What do you mean?"
Dath cocked his head.
"You promised I could test myself against you," he said. "Don't tell me you forgot."
"Right," I said, sighing. "Forgive me. I was planning to honor my promise after the initial chaos of travel subsides, if you'd come with us, but with what happened at the tear, it slipped my mind."
"I can't blame you for that."
The teeth of Dath's grin flashed in the limited moonlight.
"You were fixing up quite a few people afterward. I don't know how you managed the tempers of so many wounded Zrelnach. They can't have been pleasant to you."
"I've had plenty of practice dealing with irritable people. Trust me," I said with a soft laugh. "And I had help."
Thank the gods for Chela. I wasn't sure why that healer had left her comfortable life in Allanovian behind, but I was beyond grateful that she had.
The conflict beside the tear might have been short—perhaps a minute at most—but it had ended with far more casualties than anyone would have liked. Aside from the handful who'd been dead before I could get to them, another two had perished while I'd been tending to them, bringing back far too many unpleasant memories, and that had distracted me.
I wasn't sure if Chela had seen this, but she'd jumped in to assist me, and with her help, our group had escaped from that dark cavern within a few hours.
"Well, this is me, reminding you of your promise," Dath said.
He drew the sword at his side—a standard issue Zrelnach blade—while offering me the one he was holding. Pursing my lips, I stared at the weapon for a moment, running through my options, but in the end, everything I could contrive to escape from this path wouldn't be worth the effort of trying it. I took the sword, leaving my own blade and dagger where I'd hidden them.
"Let's not do this here," I said. "We wouldn't want to hurt any bystanders, would we?"
Dath didn't react to what I'd said. Maybe he was trying to be the better man, relinquishing any lingering hatred that he might feel toward our quest's leader. He'd certainly seemed eager enough about joining it.
Once we'd moved far enough away, I rounded on Dath, getting in his face.
"What are you hoping to gain from this?" I asked. "Would you like to see how far you've come in your training, or do you want to learn something new? When it comes to a fight, I can provide you with almost anything that you could ask for, but I need to know what you want from me first."
Leaning back, Dath blinked for a moment before stepping away.
"You realize how arrogant that makes you sound, right?" he said.
But there was no acid in his voice, merely curiosity to match the tilt of his head.
"You're, what? Twenty-four, twenty-five? No one that young should show such confidence with a sword."
Swallowing a sigh, I retreated a few paces, scanning my surroundings.
"I'm twenty-seven, actually. I think," I said, "and you didn't answer the question."
Shaking his head, Dath tossed his sword's scabbard away.
"I want to see for myself how good you are. From what our trainers say, you were the virtuoso of your class. With Lyli... I'm the best in mine," he said. "I want to know if the hu- if Raimie besting me was a fluke, but mostly, I want to see if I have a chance against you."
Great...
Like most boys Dath's age, he had contradictory desires: wanting a confidence boost while also having someone prove their superiority over him. I couldn't oblige both wants, and while this kid seemed nice enough, I had more than one person's wellbeing to consider when making this decision. As always, my ally's safety took priority over almost everything else, and because of that, I'd use this fight to show Dath—a potential hostile—what sort of protector Raimie had.
"All right," I said. "Whenever you're ready."
With the branches overhead bobbing, moonlight revealed the trainee's consternation in swaying sweeps.
"Don't you need to stretch?" he asked. "Warm up or something? At least draw your sword."
I let one corner of my mouth lift.
"I'm good. Whenever you're ready."
Huffing, Dath said, "Fine."
He charged me, but of course he did. When one didn't know the abilities of one's opponent, Zrelnach training taught that one shouldn't waste time feeling out their skills. Although one should always look for other openings, one's best bet was to overwhelm one's opponent, especially when one was a warrior in the finest fighting force found on this side of the Narrow Sea.
As soon as Dath took off, I cast sparking illusions into his path, which he ignored. Impressive. Most people flinched at a sudden change in their environment, like flashing light.
But then, he was on me. With practiced precision, I blocked Dath's sword, using the hilt of my sheathed weapon. Grabbing the boy's wrist, I flicked my blade, and Dath's weapon was jerked out of his hand.
Giving him no time to react, I spun, leveraging the kid over my shoulder to slam him into the ground. With him laid out like this, I could easily finish it here, but I was trying to make a point. So, I released my hold on his wrist.
Of course, Dath scrambled to his feet, making for his sword, but before he'd taken more than two steps, he tripped over the root system of a nearby tree, a detail most likely missed because of his ruined night vision. With my toe, I flipped Dath onto his back and rested the tip of my sword on the hollow of his neck.
"Do you yield?" i asked.
With his shoulders heaving, Dath glared at me with glistening eyes, but he slowly nodded.
Damn. The expression on that boy's face. I hadn't meant to hurt him and...
Hell. There went my heart with its twinges again, bidding me to fix this. It was going to get me in trouble one of these days.
On backing away, I summoned the boy's sword, holding both blades in one hand.
"I'll hold onto these for now," I said. "You can retrieve them when you join me and Raimie for training in two days."
Dath, sitting up with his hands on his knees, tensed.
"What?" he said to the space between his thighs and chest.
"You have potential, and yes, you're ready to become a full Zrelnach. You could probably ask Commander Ferin for a second trial in the field, and she'd grant it," I said, "but I can make you better first."
Gradually, Dath raised his head, simply staring at me.
"I'm teaching Raimie how to fight," I continued. "If you like and if you're willing to work alongside an 'evil human', you could take advantage of my lessons too. I think they could help you, like I think Raimie will surprise you, Dath. You two have a lot in common, and you could learn from each other."
A curiously blank expression had fallen over Dath, one that sent a shiver up my spine. I'd seen this look before—of course I had—but I couldn't recall the last time that had happened.
But then, Dath broke into a spunky grin, erasing my unease, and I filed the incident under things to be investigated later.
"Why not?" he said. "At the least, it'll keep me busy. I can't- I can't be ide, Rhy."
He looked away, and I resisted the urge to slap myself. That was why Dath had collected on my promise tonight. It was why, now that I took the time to look, he looked so worn out. He was grieving. How had he slept since Lyli had died?
Fishing through a pocket, I winced at the small number of vials left there. I'd have to brew more tinctures soon, what with Raimie blowing through my supply.
Offering one to Dath, I said, "Here. This'll help you sleep."
Cautiously, the kid got to his feet before accepting the vial.
"Thanks, Rhy," he said.
"No problem," I said. "Now, go use it. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, but I definitely expect your presence two days hence when we set up camp. I'm sure someone can direct you to where Raimie and I will be."
With his eyes fixed on his hands, Dath tightened his grip on the vial, making me worry that he'd break it.
"Seriously. Thank you," he said. "And I'm sorry."
Frowning, I asked, "For what?"
With a sigh, Dath lifted his head to the sky, letting moonlight bathe his face.
"I don't know yet," he said. "Good night, Rhy."
As he picked his way toward the greater group, I watched him go. What had that been about?
Shaking my head, I made my way to Raimie before settling beside him, preparing to keep watch for the night.
Chapter 30: First Half of the Truth
Rhylix
Since our disastrous experiment, I've been trapped in Corruption's sway.
The morning's march was slow and hard. As we traveled through the forest on this side of the Fractured Peaks, those injured beside the tear required a languid pace, and from little I'd seen of him, Eledis seemed incensed by this slowdown, snapping at anyone who spoke to him.
Conversely, Aramar acted as if something horrific would appear at any moment, but whenever an argument broke out about our speed, he always sided with the healers' expressed desire to keep the wounded stable.
Even with him trying to hide it, I knew he had his own reasons for this, namely that his integration with the machine from the tear wasn't going as well as we'd hoped. After seeing Aramar wince throughout the morning, I'd had to bite my tongue when I was around him. I couldn't keep questioning my patient every time he stumbled or his arm flailed out of his control. No, what I really needed was to have him sit down, long enough for me to adjust the machine.
The only other reason for our slow pace kept confounding the people helping him, but for the most part, those same people seemed to expect that when it came to Raimie, they'd be living with befuddlement now. After last night, most people in the group had accepted that the kid just wasn't normal. I wasn't sure how well Eledis and Aramar's story about Raimie's 'speech' had sold, but no one had spoken a work about it this morning, nor were they avoiding him. Considering how he'd been acting, this was good.
I'd never seen such wild fluctuations in someone's mood or energy levels before, not in such a short time period at least. In one moment, the kid was absolutely manic, jittering and chattering so fast that it made my head hurt, and in the next, he was sluggish, sniping at people and barely holding it together. At one point, he'd been so drained that two Zrelnach had had to carry him, like they had between the tear and the forest.
Considering how Raimie had closed the tear, I was pretty sure that his behavior was related to that, but I hadn't gotten the chance to question him about it yet.
Right now, Raimie was sitting with his family, eating the midday meal, with the plains we'd recently entered stretching on all sides. Watching them, I absently nibbled on a piece of flatbread, ignoring the tense atmosphere hovering over the rest of the group.
The first of those people was lounging a few paces away from me. If a conflict erupted, I should be able to reach the kid's side before anything could hurt him. Everything should be fine.
Right?
A shadow fell over me.
"May I join you?"
Never removing my gaze from Raimie, I said, "Of course, Ferin."
Snorting, the commander of the Zrelnach flopped to the ground beside me.
"It's creepy that you do that, you know," she said. "How do you always know who's sneaking up on you?"
"Practice," I said. "In Auden, you're dead if you don't learn that skill early on."
Ferin was quiet for a while, long enough that I started ignoring her, but eventually, she spoke up.
"Are you sure you want to go home?"
Freezing halfway through a bite, I turned to her at the speed of a glacier, moving across the waters of the northern Narrow Sea.
"Do not ask me that," I said.
Softly laughing, Ferin settled back on her hands.
"Should've figured you'd answer that way," she said.
I narrowed my eyes. Withdrawn and melancholy? These weren't Ferin. She was cheery and brash, a ray of sunshine when around people who didn't irritate the shit out of her, and so godsdamn canny at times that it scared me. Besides occasionally pushing me for sexual favors, she'd been nothing but pleasant company since I'd arrived in Allanovian, so what was this? Was she already missing home?
"Is something wrong?" I asked.
Rubbing her face, Ferin said, "No. It's just stress, Rhy. I promise."
Slapping her hand to her leg, she faced me.
"Trainee Dath told me about how you wiped the forest floor with him last night," she said.
I squeezed my eyes closed, deflating as i returned to watching the kid.
"I had to," I said. "He's a possible threat to Raimie, and Raimie is my-"
"I know what the kid is," Ferrin interrupted, "even if that fact has yet to penetrate his thick skull. In his mind, he's still a peasant boy."
"He has time for it to sink in," I said. "Auden is far from here."
"Mm."
Together, we watched Raimie laugh at someone's joke, throwing his head back until he fell into the grass.
"So, him and Dath," Ferin said. "You mean to teach them together, even if my trainee might be a threat?"
"I'm hoping it'll bring the boys together," I sad. "Both of them are hurting, and Raimie desperately needs a friend."
"From what I hear, you're his friend."
Making a face, I said, "He needs a friend who can relate to him more than I'll be able to."
Ferin blew out a slow breath.
"Ok," she said in a small voice before clearing her throat. "Ok. That makes sense. You do realize that Raimie is my student too, right?"
"And you can teach him all the subjects that I refused to study during Zrelnach training," I said, "but I'm the better fighter of us, Ferin, and he needs the best."
Even watching Raimie nod along with his father's words, I could feel Ferin glaring at me.
"Fine," she growled. "You're right, much as it galls me to admit it."
From out of nowhere, genuine laughter slammed into me, and no matter that it was soft, I marveled at it. An honest noise like this hadn't come from me in... I didn't know how long.
Ferin didn't notice. Considering I'd perfected the art of faking emotions long ago, this didn't surprise me. It did make my chest tighten, though.
"So, did you only come here to ask about the brats we're responsible for?" I eventually asked. "Or is there more?"
"There's more, and you know it," Ferin said. "Throughout the morning, Eledis and I have been discussing our path, now that we're free of the Fractured Peaks."
"Mm. That's good," I said. "We have several options for reaching Sev so... I'd guess we're heading for the closest town first, right? Hopefully, we can resupply there, or do so as much as we can, at least."
Nodding, Ferin said, "That's the plan. But after that... Rhy, Eledis wants to take us through the Withriingalm."
"He wants to WHAT?"
At the outburst, several people, including Raimie, jerked their heads toward me and Ferin. Frowning, the kid said something to his family before getting to his feet, and I flipped to face the Zrelnach commander.
"That's a bad idea. You have to make him see it," I said. "Yes, the route would probably keep Doldimar's minions off of our trail for a while but-"
"I know how dangerous that cursed swamp is, Rhy," Ferin said. "I'll do everything I can to convince him to choose a different path, but I wanted to warn you in case... in case I can't."
Staring at her, I tried to clear the fist in my throat. Normally, I wouldn't find traversing the Withriingalm that concerning. Most of the 'danger' associated with it was mere superstition, but I was traveling with an ally who'd proven that he attracted danger. Adding more of it to what he'd already face seemed unwise, to put it kindly.
"You ok, Rhy?"
I looked up at Raimie, taking in the concern radiating from him, and I knew that somehow, I was going to get this kid killed.
"I'm fine," I said. "Why do you ask?"
When Raimie shifted his gaze to the woman at my side, I relaxed a little. I'd forgotten how much Ferin disgruntled my friend. Considering I'd never told him how close I was to the commander, he probably thought she was harassing me. Ferin must have come to the same conclusion because with a chuckle, she got to her feet.
"I'll let you two talk."
As she left, I realized that I was alone with Raimie—or as alone as one could get out here—for the first time since leaving Allanovian, and I was abruptly grateful that I'd chosen to eat so far from the group.
"Will you join me?" I asked, extending a hand in front of me.
While Raimie made himself comfortable, I nibbled on the remains of my flatbread, wondering how I'd go about having The Conversation with this latest, utterly perplexing ally.
But perhaps that one could wait. Perhaps instead, I should explain a truth that had become a death sentence more often than not in recent years.
Crossing his legs, Raimie clasped his hands in his lap.
"So?" he said.
Taking a sip of air, I said, "So, what?"
"So..." Raimie said, leaning forward. "Will you answer my question about Silverblade? Or did you think I'd forgotten about that?"
There. That was a good place to start from.
"Somehow, I doubt you'd forget a question like that," I said, chuckling. "But in answer, I had Silverblade made for you because in the future, you won't be wielding Shadowsteal much. Except for in special circumstances, that is."
Motion fled from Raimie while that same dangerous aura from our first meeting crept into him.
"What do you mean?" he stiffly said.
Ah. So, he knew about Shadowsteal. Poor boy probably thought I was about to call him crazy or something equally as bad.
"Hey."
Carefully, I laid a hand on Raimie's knee.
"You don't have to be afraid of me. I am your friend, and you can't know how sacred I find that bond. I will never intentionally hurt you. You're safe here."
Bit by bit, Raimie relaxed, and animation returned to him.
"Ok," he said. "My question?"
"Well... have you touched Shadowsteal?" I asked. "Aside from during your first trial, of course."
I still wasn't sure how he'd used the blade like a normal person would during that fight.
Frowning, Raimie said, "Yes, and it was weird. When I touched it, the world went all... wonky."
"That's because Shadowsteal isn't a normal sword," i said. "A certain type of person is meant to wield it."
Sucking on my teeth, I considered how to phrase my next words. They would change Raimie's life, and if history was any example to go by, it wouldn't be for the better.
"What type of person?" Raimie drawled.
No. This revelation needed further background information before I could explain it. The kid might not believe me otherwise.
"A bit of a subject change but I swear it has something to do with your question," I said.
When Raimie nodded, I scooted closer, leaning forward until our heads were almost touching.
"How did you close the tear?" I asked.
Emotions flurried over Raimie's face, settling on disconcerted confusion.
Worrying at his lip, he said. "I... don't know. I..."
He met my eyes with such fear behind his own, and I bumped his forehead with mine before retreating.
"It's ok," I said.
Raimie took a few deep breaths, but then, he set his mouth into the firmest, most determined line I'd seen in a while.
"I pulled energy to me. I don't know what else to call that strange substance," he said, "but it's lying there, under the world's skin, and I can still feel it, even if I can't touch it anymore. Anyway, I pulled two types to me, forced them together, and fed the resulting creation back to the tear. That blend of energy is what closed it, I think, but I don't remember what happened after the last of it drained from me."
Fascinating. They could be merged? That was... If I hadn't seen it done, I wouldn't have believed Raimie's story.
"Good," I said. "Now, this sensation, the two energies you mentioned. Have you felt it before?"
Shifting, Raimie tried to move his gaze away from me, but with us so close together, it could only settle on his hands in his lap.
"Maybe," he said. "Once."
Once? I'd seen Raimie using that energy more than once, but that was a topic for another day. After all, I'd reached the most critical juncture in a conversation like this.
"Did it perhaps come from an invisible... someone?" I asked. "Someone who looks like you maybe?"
Sucking in a breath, Raimie shot backward, tangling his fingers in the grass.
"How did you...?" he said.
With a lopsided grin, I said, "I have one too."
I turned to the side.
"You can show yourself. Unless you want him to think I'm crazy."
As bidden, a figure appeared beside us, but this one wasn't cloaked by an Eselan guise. It was a faintly humanoid shape made of white light, and before I'd registered what I was doing, I'd shot to my feet, blocking the path to Raimie.
"What in the void are you?" I growled.
"Um. Don't you know," Raimie said. "It... huh. It looks kind of like-"
"Raimie. Shut up, and stay still."
Surprisingly, the boy did as I'd asked, leaving me to focus on the unknown splinter.
"You may call me Purity," it said with laughter rumbling in its voice.
"Where's Creation?" I snapped.
"After detecting the possibility of corruption, they have returned to the whole for correction."
Right. How had I forgotten about that?
"Send it back," I said.
I didn't care what Creation wanted. I needed a splinter that I knew nearby when introducing the concept of them to Raimie.
"Quite impossible, I'm afraid," Purity said. "If your piece of Creation is right, now might be the only time to correct them."
"I don't care."
Something in my tone had Purity leaning away from me, but I didn't take the time to consider it.
"Return to the whole, and tell it to send my splinter back," I hissed. "Remember. You need me more than I need you."
Seconds ticked by, seconds where I was afraid I'd pushed too hard, but Purity straightened.
"As you say," it said.
When it vanished, another figure replaced it, one wearing a guise I knew, and seeing it, I gasped. The cracks across Creation's form had spread, and it had shrunk, leaving the top of its head at my waistline.
Swaying in place, it croaked, "What have you done?"
I'd returned it to the physical plane, obviously, but I wasn't sure why. I'd thought I wanted a known splinter on hand while explaining them to Raimie, but now, with my heart in my throat because of Creation's state...
Was I worried about the splinter?
"I... don't know," I said.
As if blind, Creation drunkenly reached for me, although its hands passed through the support of my offered arm.
"The balance!" it cried. "The balance has slipped so far!"
What was that supposed to mean?
"Hey," I said, snapping my fingers in Creation's face. "It'll keep for a while longer. You rest. Fix what's wrong with you."
"I-"
After choking on itself, Creation nodded, and a pop preceded its disappearance.
Only then could I focus on my surroundings. Not as many Zrelnach were staring at me as I'd expected, but still, I spun on Raimie.
"I need you to get us moving," I said.
Completely white in the face, Raimie couldn't do much more than flap his jaw for a moment, but soon enough, he regained control of himself.
"What was that, Rhy?" he asked.
"Something I'll explain later tonight, along with everything else," I said. "For now, please distract the people around us so they don't figure out what we were doing and decide to murder me."
"O-ok."
Leaping to his feet, Raimie shook himself.
"Later tonight?" he asked.
After receiving a nod, he trotted off, and I could consider what Creation had said.
The balance had slipped? I wasn't sure what that meant but if it had to do with the Eternal War...
Did that mean the enemy was winning? It would make sense, considering how long Doldimar had remained in power, unchecked, but...
Damn. This cycle was rapidly becoming a difficult one.
Thankfully, Raimie was quick to rally the group, and we resumed our slow plod, taking the worry of death via a comrade's blade off of my plate for the moment.
Chapter 31: Healing Duties
Rhylix
Every day, its madness overtakes more of my mind.
It took a few hours, but when the sun was halfway to the horizon, we reached Paft. The farming village had seen better days. Half of its fields had been left untended for long enough that weeds had grown almost as tall as the crops, and as we approached the village itself, I winced at how dilapidated most of the buildings were.
A man, Paft’s mayor most likely, was waiting for us on the village’s outskirts, and in his shadow, several people with shoddy weapons looked ready to attack at the slightest provocation. While the Zrelnach arranged themselves in a better defensive position, I pushed through them to the royal family at the group’s head. I arrived in time to see Paft’s leader welcoming Eledis into a squat house, leaving the younger Audish royals outside.
Gistrick, standing at Aramar’s side, nodded when I approached. A few days ago, he and his friends had haltingly apologized for their aggressive behavior near the tear, and we’d spent far too much time working out our differences, or at least, we’d done so enough that we could tolerate each other’s presences again.
In other words, the two of us were back to square one.
Both Gistrick and I deliberately ignored the bow and two arrows that Aramar was loosely holding. We doubly ignored Raimie, who was staring at the door Eledis and Paft’s leader had disappeared behind. With his arms crossed, he was tapping a finger on his elbow.
Hell, if both of those men weren’t of Audish descent, I’d eat my sword.
“Aramar,” I said, stopping beside the human.
“Hullo, Rhylix,” Aramar tiredly replied. “You ready to fix up more people if it comes down to that?”
With my lips thinning, I examined him, noting the tension in his shoulders and how his eyes were skipping over Paft’s people.
“You don’t think we can work out an agreement?” I said. “Allanovian certainly sent enough items from the tear with us, trying to get us out the door more quickly. We’re not without tradable resources.”
“A lack of resources isn’t what I’m worried about,” Aramar said under his breath.
His hand spasmed, almost sending one of his arrows into the dirt, and he winced. With an eye twitching, I laid a finger on the band around his waist.
“Come see me before you go to bed tonight,” I said. “If I must find you instead, I will make your life a living hell until you learn to cooperate with your healer. You’ve seen me working. You know that’s not an idle threat.”
Swallowing hard, Aramar nodded, and I removed my finger from his waist.
“Why only Eledis?”
Blinking, I switched tracks, turning to Raimie. The kid hadn’t moved, only narrowing his eyes a bit.
“That man, their leader. He greeted all of us by name, looking at me like he knew me,” he continued, “but I’ve never been on this side of the Fractured Peaks. Still, he looked at us, knew us, and only invited Eledis into his home. Why? And why didn’t Eledis have us accompany him?”
Interesting questions. Even more interesting: Aramar’s hitched breathing and Gistrick’s uncomfortably shifting feet.
“I don’t like this,” Raimie said, slapping his hands to his thighs. “We should make sure Eledis hasn’t made a mess again.”
He’d taken a step toward the squat house while Aramar had drawn a breath to speak when the door slammed open, letting Paft’s leader limp through it. The poor man looked awful with red splotches covering his exposed skin and his arm held at an unnatural angle. The villagers who’d been guarding the house hurried to him with a cry while Eledis serenely sailed around them.
When the older man joined his family, Raimie hissed, “What did you do?”
While keeping half of my attention on them, I slowly turned in a circle to watch the mass of villagers around us, and seeing the majority of them hefting their pathetic weapons, I rested a hand near where I’d hidden my blades.
“That was me getting what we needed without wasting our limited resources,” Eledis said. “We can’t afford to barter with every town we resupply in, especially one as down and out of luck as this one. We’ll need what we have to buy horses and carts later.”
“So, you played bully and beat up their leader instead,” Raimie said.
A string twanged, making several people flinch, although Raimie just glanced at the arrow jutting from a wall before turning back to Eledis. The projectile was quivering a breath from a man, one caught halfway through a step.
“Oops,” Aramar dryly said. “You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been plagued with spasms in recent days. My finger must have slipped.”
Damn, that man was good with a bow. I hadn’t seen him nock or sight before the arrow had reached its target. The other villagers must have read something similar from the exchange because their hostility receded a fraction.
As if their conversation had never been interrupted, Eledis said, “Sometimes, you have to do things you don’t like in a negotiation. I did what I must so we could get what we need.”
Groaning, Raimie rubbed his face.
“There are other ways to get supplies,” he said with a muffled voice. “You didn’t have to be so brutal.”
With a smirk, Eledis crossed his arms.
“And I suppose you’ll show me these other ways now?” he said.
“Sounds about right,” Raimie said. “Dad. Rhy. Would you join me, please?”
Exchanging a glance, we followed him to Paft’s leader. That man’s guards stepped between us, but while Raimie stopped at their unspoken threat, he also ignored them.
“Hilderel, right?” he asked, addressing Paft’s leader. “I’d like to introduce my friend.”
He clapped a hand on my shoulder.
“This is Rhylix,” he said. “He’s the best healer I’ve ever met, and if you’ll let him, he can take a look at your arm.”
Glancing up, Hilderel sneered at Raimie, but his eyes were also glazed with a faint tremble running through his body.
“Why would I do that?” he growled. “Just… leave town and we’ll send your food along soon. You’ve hurt us enough.”
Raimie’s expression went from concerned to flat, sending a chill down my spine.
“Much as I love him, I am not my grandfather, good sir. If I’d known what he planned to do, I’d have insisted on joining you in your home, no matter how much you didn’t want me there. All I’m doing is cleaning up the wreckage left in Eledis’ wake,” he said. “ So, accept Rhylix’s expertise, if you want it. Let me and my people help Paft, if you like. But if you want us to stand idly by while you gather the supplies you’ve promised, we can do that too. It’s your call, Hilderel.”
The village’s leader would be stubborn. I saw this in the set of his jaw and how he was drawing himself up, and while I was all for people making supremely poor decisions if they wanted to, that didn’t mean I’d let them do it easily.
“I can ease your pain,” I said.
When Hilderel swung his head to me, he loosened his jaw, releasing a breath after a moment.
“All right,” he said. “Tarnavis can direct your people where we most need help, but you’ll have to excuse me if I retire to my home until you’ve gone. I don’t want to see anyone in your family again.”
“Of course,” Raimie said, folding his hands in front of him. “And our supplies?”
Making a face, Hilderel said, “Again, Tarnavis can help you with that. May I go?”
“Please,” Raimie said before bowing. “Many apologies for your suffering.”
Hilderel ground his teeth together, but whatever scathing reply he’d wanted to make, he retained it, shuffling into his home. Without prompting, I went with him, smirking on hearing Aramar murmur.
“Nicely done, Raimie.”
A closing door blocked off any further words.
Before Hilderel could collapse at the cottage’s table, I took his good elbow, guiding him to the bed on the other side of the room, and once I had Hilderel settled, I rummaged through my pockets, perfectly aware of the other man examining me.
“Take this,” I said.
After placing a pill in Hilderel’s palm, I handed the man a water skin, carefully watching him swallow his medicine. I almost never used these ‘painkillers’, certainly not on the Zrelnach and even more certainly not on myself. The small number I had were given only in the worst of cases, like when someone had burns as bad as Raimie’s had been after Fissid. This man, however, had been hurt in a way that might have him blaming the injury on the kid, and I wouldn’t have my ally making an enemy. Not this early.
So, I knelt in front of Hilderel and did what I could to prep while waiting for the pill to take effect. As I spread a salve across the worst of the man’s bruises, he shifted in place, drawing my gaze up, and when our eyes met, the town leader looked away.
“You’re Eselan?” he asked with a tight voice .
Ah. That explained why he looked so uncomfortable.
Lowering my head to my work, I said, “Yes. Do you have a problem with that?”
Hilderel didn’t speak for a long time. Too long.
“No,” he eventually said, “but only because you’re actually being useful, unlike the rest of your race. Also, that family vouches for you.”
I contained my laughter, wondering if this man knew that almost every stranger outside of his door was Eselan. Would the acid in his voice disappear if he understood the disparity in numbers between the humans and my people in this town right now?
“Why would you care what Raimie and his family think?” I asked instead. “One of them just beat the shit out of you.”
“Sure, but in Ada’ir, everyone who’s anyone knows about that family,” Hilderel said. “I may have retired to this back-end-of-nowhere village, but most of my life was spent in the capital. I even considered joining one of the rebellions in my younger years, so I know who those three are, and if someone of their repute says an Eselan deserves to live, it will be so.”
Frowning, I took Hilderel’s broken arm more gently than I wanted to.
“But they’ve been in hiding,” I said. “How are they known in Daira?”
Hilderel burst into laughter, wincing when his arm bounced in my hands. The pill must be working if that was his only reaction to a jostled broken bone.
“Is that what they’re saying?” he gasped. “That’s… Alouin, that’s hilarious but… it would explain why the kid’s acting strangely. He could have lost his cruel edge while ‘hiding’.”
Ok. The pill was definitely working. When I tried to imagine Raimie as cruel, I almost laughed out loud. It was interesting the delusions that this medicine brought out in people, such as believing oneself important enough to have known the Audish royal family.
At least it had kept this man from attacking me. Now, I only needed to avoid doing the same to him, and everything would be fine and dandy.
“Bite this,” I said, handing Hilderel a strip of leather.
The pill might have dulled his pain, but it couldn’t completely cover what happened when a bone was set, as evidenced by Hilderel’s scream a few seconds later. He fainted, leaving me scrambling to catch him and hold the bone in place.
Cursing, I left Hilderel at an awkward angle while placing splints. I considered abandoning him like that, but shaking my head, I shoved him into bed, dragging a blanket out from under him to lay over his sleeping form. Breathing hard, I slammed a jar of salve on the table before storming outside, grumbling under my breath all the while.
With the foul mood that their leader had left me in, my bedside manner took a sharp turn downward while attending to the citizens of Path. A lot of people were sick here, more than there should have been, and that, combined with the rundown state of the village, made me wonder how hard of a time Paft had fallen on.
Fortunately, the sun quickly fell below the horizon, and I was released from healing duties. I picked my way through the impromptu celebration that had started in the village square. Someone had pulled an out-of-tune lute and a pair of drums from storage, and subsequently, raucous music was now filling the air.
Apparently, an afternoon spent laboring together was enough to erase prejudices for a time.
While looking for Raimie, I noted the evidence of why these people were celebrating. I could see places where people had laid fresh thatch on several roofs, and many doors looked repaired, enough so that they wouldn’t fall off their hinges at least.
Hopefully, these changes would help ward the villagers against winter’s coming freeze. How many people might survive because of the help we’d provided today?
I found Raimie with his father and some Zrelnach friends. Wildly gesturing, the kid was walking around the group’s perimeter, telling a story. Pausing, he whirled in place, painting shock on his face, and his audience laughed, starting a barely audible chant when they could breathe.
Worrying at my lip, I watched this and considered what I meant to tell this kid, my friend. Gods, Raimie looked so happy, and it was perhaps the only time I’d seen him like this.
Maybe I should delay. One more day wouldn’t hurt, would it?
Before I could leave, though, Raimie caught sight of me, gesturing for me to join them, and I sighed. Tonight, it was.
Striding to them, I put on my practiced smile.
“Well, this looks fun,” I said. “Why wasn’t I invited?”
One of the Zrelnach straightened with pursed lips, but her disgust dissolved beneath Raimie’s exuberance. With his face a bright beacon, he stepped between Gistrick and Aramar to clasp my shoulders.
“We couldn’t find you, of course,” he said, “but you’re here now. Will you join us?”
Here was another chance to delay. It would be so simple to acquiesce and sit in the circle but…
“Actually, I was hoping I could borrow you,” I said. “You had questions earlier? I should finish answering them before they get swept aside again.”
Widening his eyes, Raimie drawled, “Riiiight. I forgot.”
He twisted to the others.
“Does anyone mind if Rhy and I pop off for a bit?” he asked. “I was hoping he’d walk me through a technique he showed me today.”
At the question, so many hooded eyes stared at me, but leaning back on his hands, Aramar looked genuinely pleased with his son’s request.
“Go, go! And have fun,” he said. “Gistrick. Aya. Would you accompany them? Keep your distance, of course, but I’m not sure how safe we are, even after this afternoon.”
“Probably a good idea,” Gistrick said.
Rising, he brushed himself off while Aya stretched, soon to join him. Meanwhile, Raimie rolled his eyes.
“Like I need an escort,” he sighed, “but thanks, dad. I guess.”
“You’re welcome,” Aramar said with a teasing grin. “I love you, son.”
With his mouth dropping open, Raimie turned a brilliant crimson, and even I had to laugh at the sight of it.
Raimie snapped his teeth together.
“I love you too,” he hissed through them before striding into the dark. “Come on, Rhy!”
I hurried after my friend.
Chapter 32: Approaching the Truth
Rhylix
I don't know how much longer I can resist its influence
When I caught up, neither Raimie nor I said a word. I didn’t, as a general rule, tease people, but hell, if I wasn’t tempted to do it now. In the end, though, I decided to abstain from that mischief, if only because I knew how much trouble I’d be bringing Raimie tonight.
Together, he and I left the confines of Paft’s buildings, strolling alongside a field. It was empty with its produce picked and stored. Eventually, we reached the plains around the village, but I didn’t wander far into their tall grass before dropping to the ground.
While Raimie sat, I stretched my legs out, leaning back to see the stars. They’d always been so bright once firelight was left behind and the moon…
Closing my eyes, I could almost imagine that its beams were caressing my skin like the sun’s did.
“How angry is Eledis?” I idly said.
Chuckling, Raimie said, “Pretty damn furious. It’s an interesting experience. I’ve never irritated him on purpose before but… he’s not talking to me.”
Something ripped nearby. Probably Raimie tearing grass clumps from the ground.
“Don’t worry. He’ll get over it.”
Lowering my head, I gave my friend a half-smile.
“You’re his grandson, after all.”
Raimie ducked his head, trying to hide his answering grin.
“I suppose that’s true,” he said before peering at me, “but that’s not why we’re out here.”
“No, it’s not.”
Sitting up, I crossed my legs and pressed my palms together.
“Listen. Raimie. This thing we’ll be discussing? It’s dangerous,” I said. “I showed you my splinter. If you took that information to… well, anybody really, it would get me killed.”
It would also see Raimie dead, but telling him that would distract from the point. I needed my friend to understand what he was getting into. I had other reasons for starting our conversation like this, but that was the biggest one.
“I don’t think you’ll do something like that to me. It’s not in your nature,” I continued, “but if you made yourself as vulnerable as I have, it would make me more comfortable. I’d like to see your splinter, Raimie, and if you’re ok with it, I’d like to ask it a few questions as well.”
Having solemnly watched me while I’d spoken, Raimie tilted his head to the side, looking up at the stars as if thinking.
“Ok. That’s reasonable,” he said. “How do I do that, though? Usually, I’m the only one who can see them.”
Oh, gods. How had this wonderfully terrifying kid achieved everything he had and yet not know how to do something so basic?
“Um. It- it’s fairly simple, actually. You tell them that you want me to see them, and they’ll make themselves visible,” I said, “and don’t worry about our watchers by the field. They’ll still be blind to your splinters.”
“Oh! That’s- hmm. How did I not figure that out by myself?” Raimie said before shaking his head. “But my idiocy doesn’t matter right now. Here goes. Bright? Dim? Could you please-?”
Another Raimie, a version of him with light streaming through slits in its face, popped into view beside the original, and after a pause, another one, leaking inky darkness, appeared behind them. With its arms crossed, it snarled at me, hovering somewhere between cowering and wanting to claw my eyes out. Meanwhile, Bright—why had Raimie felt the need to give them nicknames?—rushed forward with its hands outstretched.
“Thank the whole!” it gasped. “Maybe you can tell him what we are.”
Before Bright could collide with me, I rolled to my feet, leaving the splinter teetering.
“What do you mean ‘tell him who you are’?” I asked. “You haven’t done that already?”
Recovering its balance, Bright shook its head.
“We-”
“You understand them?” Raimie said.
Pausing, I narrowed my eyes at the kid.
“You don’t?” I asked.
Raimie rubbed the back of his neck, shrinking on himself with one eye closed.
“Not always?” he said. “When we talk about anything important, all I hear from them is buzzing.”
Turning to Bright, I asked, “Is that why he doesn’t know? I thought it was strange that he didn’t yet.”
“Partially, yes,” Bright said. “We’ve had other problems-”
“Stop! Staaaahp!”
Jerking to the source of this voice, I fought off a wave of nausea. Dim had chosen an interesting compromise between its previous two desires. Crouching behind Raimie, it had one hand on his shoulder while the other was raised, holding a lump of penumbra. This, the pull of Dim’s substance to the physical plane, had me hunching on myself, hugging my stomach with one arm.
Trembling in place, Dim shouted, “Will anyone acknowledge the bind that you’ve put me in, one I’d never have come near on my own? Stopping myself from clobbering that sniveling piece of the enemy is hard enough, but no. You had to go further. Where do you put me? Not fifteen paces from… from him. I am doing my fucking best to resist my nature, but the lot of you are making it near impossible. Why do I have to be here?”
The splinter was screeching by the end of that rant. Its guise undulated over the waves passing beneath it, and despite my revulsion, my jaw dropped open. This… this was impossible.
This might help me break the cycle. I had to keep Dim stable.
Lunging forward, it roared into our silence, and I snapped my hands above my head, spreading my fingers to make it more obvious if I meant to attack.
“I… I’m only here to help Raimie understand his situation,” I said. “I swear that I won’t touch you. This time. Damn. Never thought I’d say something like that.”
Dim looked like it was on the brink, and for a heart stopping moment, I thought it would attack, forcing me to banish it, but Raimie, who’d been flicking his eyes between us the whole time, rested his hand over where Dim was touching his shoulder.
His palm sank through the splinter to his own skin, of course. Dim’s non-corporeal form wouldn’t allow physical touch, but it calmed the splinter down nonetheless. Taking a shuddering breath, it backed off, lowering a hand filled with darkness.
“Well. That was interesting.”
Licking his lips, Raimie joined me on his feet.
“You ok?” he asked.
Lowering my arms, I choked on a crazed giggle when I saw how badly I was trembling. Gods, it was almost as violent as Dim’s shaking had been, but what could I say? This? An enemy splinter tolerating my presence? It was exactly what I’d been looking for.
“Yeah,” I breathed. “Yeah, I’m good. I’m just-”
By the void, was this joy? Was this hope, when that emotion wasn’t held at bay? How had I forgotten what it felt like?
“What about you?”
It took me a second to realize Raimie was asking that question of Dim, but that was long enough for Bright to return to its human.
Resting its hands on its hips, it asked, “Yes, how are you, oh most rash force of destruction?”
Sarcasm had been laced through that question, but I could swear I’d heard concern—of all thing—too.
Hugging itself, Dim weakly growled, “Fuck off, stick in the mud.”
Bright clicked its tongue.
“You can do better than that,” it said before turning to Raimie. “The idiot will be fine, given time.”
“Good,” Raimie said. “Because I’m still pissed at you for your behavior at the tear. I still don’t feel right, you assholes.”
He shoved a finger toward them.
“So, no more fighting, or almost fighting as the case may be, for the rest of the night. Be on your best behavior.”
With a fist held in front of my face, I bit a knuckle to keep from laughing. After all, Raimie had just berated two of the most dangerous beings he’d ever encounter, but considering he didn’t know any better, the splinters should forgive his disrespect.
So, when they instead bowed their heads, mumbling apologies, I dropped my arm to my side. When would this kid stop surprising me? I should be used to oddities like this by now, but I… most definitely wasn't.
“We were discussing communication issues, I believe?” Raimie said, lifting an eyebrow.
Jumping, I cleared my throat.
“Right. You said you hear buzzing from them at times?” I asked.
“Usually when they’re about to tell me something important, yes.”
“Huh.”
That was strange. It could be why Raimie’s use of his ‘energies’, as he’d called them, had been so sporadic too, which wasn’t good. In the future, he’d need that to be consistent, but I wasn’t sure how to fix it.
“I wonder if the block is between you and your splinters or all of them,” I said.
“Why don’t we find out?” Raimie asked. “You have a splinter. Creation, yes? Why don’t you have it join us?”
Behind him, Dim tensed.
“Raimie…” it muttered.
Glancing over his shoulder, Raimie said, “It would only be for a few seconds.”
“And I’ll keep it from attacking you,” I added.
Because this was a good idea. If the problem was merely with Bright and Dim, maybe Creation could intervene for Raimie.
“Fine,” Dim groaned. “I’ll just sit here and, you know, hold myself together while you invite another enemy to the table.”
“So glad to have your approval,” I said, showing the splinter my teeth. “Creation, do you mind?”
“Yes?” a small voice asked.
If I squinted hard enough, some of the damage done to Creation appeared to have healed, but the splinter still looked like hell. At its arrival, Dim barked a laugh before slapping a hand to its mouth. Still, its amusement was strong enough to knock it to the ground, where it rolled back and forth with barely muffled snickers.
“Why haven’t you banished that repugnant stain?” Creation asked.
Even exhausted as it looked, it fell into a ready stance from a long-vanished fighting form, fixing its eyes on Dim.
“It’s Raimie’s splinter,” I said.
“Oh.”
Gradually, Creation relaxed, wincing as if doing so hurt it.
Once it had stood down, it wearily asked, “Why am I here?”
No protests over leaving the enemy on this plane of existence? No attempts to override my decision? Curious.
“I need you to tell Raimie where you come from,” I said.
When Creation wrinkled its brow, light scattered through the cracks found there.
“You mean the whole?” it asked. “Why does he-?”
“It’s buzzing,” Raimie interrupted.
Huh. So, the kid’s splinters weren’t defective. Did that mean he was, or had something weakened his ties with his splinters or-?
What was I doing? The night was getting late, and I hadn’t gotten to the issue that I’d brought Raimie out here for in the first place. Drawing his splinters into the physical plane had been meant as a subtle hint as to what his life would soon become. As an added bonus, I’d also gotten the chance to speak with them, but neither of those side-goals had been the point. It was time to focus.
“Thank you, Creation,” I said. “That will be all.”
“But the enemy-” Creation started.
“I can handle one splinter,” I interrupted before lowering my voice. “I need you to heal, please.”
Sighing, Creation said, “Ok.”
After it vanished, Raimie said, “So, this communication problem-”
“Can wait,” I again interrupted. “We’ll work on it together, but for now, I can tell you most of what they’re trying to say. So, let’s allow Dim some relief, shall we? Although…”
I turned on the remaining splinters, raising an eyebrow when I saw Bright’s proximity to Dim. How on earth could they stand being so close to one another?
“We can excuse your human’s failure to properly introduce himself, considering he doesn’t know what you are,” I said, “but I’d like to know your aspects, please. It’s only fair since you know mine.”
I let my feral grin out, hoping Dim would hear my unspoken threat, but the splinters ignored me, exchanging a glance.
That was new. Usually, I had to deal with adoration or fear from them and nothing else. Well, except for from Creation.
“Doing this will advance the plan more than harm it,” Bright said.
“I fucking hate agreeing with you,” Dim hissed, bristling as it faced me. “I’m a piece of Chaos.”
“Which makes me a piece of Order,” Bright said, flourishing a bow, “but please. We’d prefer to be called by the names our human has given us.”
When Dim flashed its teeth in challenge, I raised my hands placatingly.
Gods, such powerful aspects. I should have expected as much but still.
Once this was over, I’d need to shudder the prickles out of my skin for a good five minutes. Enemy splinters didn’t work together. They just didn’t.
Rubbing my eyes, I said, “Will you tell them to leave us, Raimie? They’re giving me a headache.”
“Sure thing,” Raimie said before turning to Bright and Dim. “Do what he says. We’ll talk later.”
“Of course.”
“Be careful, kid.”
And they vanished.
Chapter 33: What You Are
Rhylix
But in the end, how can I do that?
Raimie’s splinters had left, and after another five heartbeats of quiet, I lowered my hands, grateful to see only one version of my friend in front of me. Suddenly tired beyond measure, I sank into the grass before patting the ground in front of me.
“So,” Raimie said. “Finally going to explain yourself?”
“Almost,” I said. “One last question and then, I’ll talk. I promise.”
Shrugging, Raimie said, “Sure. Why not?”
All right. Here we go. From this point, nothing further could delay us, and I wasn’t sure whether I hated that the time was here or annoyed that it had taken so long to come.
“I need you to tell me everything you know about magic, whether you believe the stories or not,” I said.
Not exactly a question but… details.
Raimie looked confused.
“Including yours?” he asked.
“Everything, Raimie.”
I needed to know how thorough the kid’s knowledge was. What lies would I have to disabuse?
“All right. So far as I’m aware, only two magics have existed in our world, or so it’s said. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that others are real as well,” Raimie said. “There’s Eselan magic, your magic. Conjuration, shifting, and illusions. Supposedly, more types of this magic existed when Alouin brought the Esela through the Accession Tear, but in the millennia since, these other types have been diluted from your people’s blood.”
He paused as if seeking approval.
“Sound about right so far,” I said. “What else?”
Swallowing, Raimie glanced over my head, probably checking Gistrick and Aya’s positions. The Zrelnach were still waiting on the edge of Paft’s fields, having never moved, but when Raimie met my eyes, he still seemed skittish, like prey trapped in a corner.
“You want me to talk about primeancy?” he hissed.
“Yes. I know the subject’s taboo, what with people’s disposition toward them-”
“You mean how everyone reviles them?” Raimie snapped. “Even centuries after the last one died?”
I took a moment to clamp down on the heat rising up my throat.
“Yes,” I eventually said. “I’m sorry. I know this might be uncomfortable for you, but learning what you know about magic is important. Trust me.”
“I trust you, Rhy. I do,” Raimie said, “and the subject isn’t uncomfortable for me, more…”
He swallowed, darting his gaze between me and the plains beside us.
“Look. I like stories about primeancy, ok?” he said. “But that interest hasn’t exactly been encouraged over the years.”
Oh… hell. For several tense heartbeats, I had to close my eyes so the burn in them wouldn’t embarrass me.
“I understand,” I said. “I still need you to tell me what you know.”
“Ok,” Raimie hesitantly said. “So… the primeancers. Let’s see.”
Drawing his knees up, he rested his chin on them, hugging his legs.
“They’ve caused or worsened every calamity our world’s seen, setting the clock back on it every time-”
“I don’t need to know about their history.”
Somehow, I kept the heat bubbling up my throat from crawling into my voice. What was this need to find something hostile and tear its throat out? Was this... anger? If it was, why was I so potently experiencing it now? Why were so many emotions returning to me so quickly, gradually filling my shell of a heart?
Clearing my throat, I said, “Just tell me about their magic, if you please.”
“I- I’m sorry, Rhy, but I don’t know much about that part. Most of the tales I’ve read didn’t focus on it,” Raimie said, clearly getting flustered. “I know that unlike Eselan magic, only two types of primeancy existed, and each of them was the opposite of the other. Supposedly, their power originated in the gods or forces of nature—I always preferred that theory—that run our world, but these forces are at war with each other… or something. I know primeancers could use energies from those forces to do wonderful and horrific things.”
Trailing off, he screwed his brow up in concentration, and I fought to keep quiet. Raimie needed to reach this conclusion without me handing over the answer.
As he straightened like a spring, the kid’s face lit up.
“Oh!” he said. “I know that they talked to the sources of their power, invisible beings-”
After a moment spent choking on his next word, Raimie slammed his mouth closed with the whites of his eyes eating into their blue color. Prey trapped by his predator.
“I’m surprised. That was all true, if colored by history,” I said. “You know less than I expected, though. We’ll have to work on that.”
“What are you saying?” Raimie whispered.
I quirked an eyebrow at him, which was apparently all the answer my friend needed.
“No.”
Scooting backward, Raimie shook his head.
“This is a joke, right?” he said. “A bad prank to top off the upheavals in my life.”
This was why I hadn’t wanted to tell Raimie his new truth. After everything that had ruined his life, I hated to slash another rent in the fabric of it.
I looked into my friend’s eyes, though, and saw that he was perfectly aware I wasn’t playing a prank on him. The kid knew the death sentence he’d been handed.
Because if anyone learned what he was, that was what would happen. The fingers of hate from the last primeancer calamity had yet to loosen. Even now, anyone suspected of claiming that magic was near instantly torn limb from limb.
I should know. It had almost happened to me a few times. I wasn’t sure if even Raimie’s status as a royal could protect him from that.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wish I could laugh and rib you about how gullible you are, but I can’t. This is your reality, Raimie.”
Biting my lip, I dropped my gaze to my hands, unable to bear the look in my friend’s eyes, but I forged on regardless.
“I am a primeancer. Specifically, I’m aligned with the primal force that those of this world name Ele,” I forced myself to say.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I reached for my source, teasing the smallest thread of Ele from it, before bringing it to my hands. Once done, I stared at that hated, soft glow for a moment before releasing it. Then, I raised my eyes until I met a terrified gaze to match mine.
“You’re a primeancer too, Raimie. Ask your splinters if you doubt me. They’re the sources of your power,” I said. “Oh. In case you were curious, they’re true names are Order and Chaos. I’ll let you figure out which of those belong to which of them.”
I dragged my traitor tongue to a stop before it could worsen this for Raimie.
Raimie, my friend, who was looking through me. Whose spirit was draining from his eyes, all while I scrambled for a way to keep it in place.
Without a word, he got to his feet before marching away, and for reasons I couldn’t explain, I watched him go, not once trying to stop him.
I felt sick. My lungs refused to fully inflate, and a stone had replaced my heart. Gods, what was this pain?
Collapsing in a sprawl, I wondered why the stars were sparkling more than usual until a drop of moisture rolled over my cheek. Hastily, I scrubbed my eyes, cursing myself. What had I thought would happen when inviting emotions into my life again? That it would be all exuberance and fizzy happiness? How naïve.
And I couldn’t indulge them right now. I didn’t think Raimie would betray my secret. Within a few days, he’d come to accept his new reality—he’d had enough practice with such adjustments, after all—but I needed to prepare for if I was wrong. How did one protect one’s ally after they’d decided to hate them?
If it came to that, I’d deal with it. For now, I had one more task to complete this evening.
When I returned to Paft’s town square, most of the Zrelnach had bedded down while the rest were preparing for sleep, but beside the door to a smaller hovel, Aramar was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. When he spotted me, he jerked his head for me to join him.
On approach, I said, “Raimie knows.”
Already halfway through the hovel’s door, Aramar froze. The question I’d expected, however, didn’t come from him but from someone inside the cottage.
“Knows what?” Ferin asked.
Of course. I should have expected that the Zrelnach’s commander would sleep near a member of the royal family, and it definitely wouldn’t have been with Eledis. With Raimie… with Raimie handling recent revelations, that left Aramar. How unfortunate.
Striding inside, I said, “That I’ll be teaching Dath at the same time as him. Hello, Ferin.”
“Hiya, Rhy,” Ferin said. “You here for Aramar?”
“I need to make some adjustments on his metal ring,” I said. “Should I wait or…?”
Ferin shook her head, gesturing for me to enter the room in truth. Sitting at a table near the hearth, she looked tired, and awful as it was, I was glad for her exhaustion. Otherwise, she might have noticed the significant glances that Aramar kept throwing my way.
“You do your healer thing while we talk,” she said, “because we badly need to do that.”
Settling on the bed behind Aramar, I lifted his shirt, working to keep disquiet off of my face.
“About what?” I asked.
“Our strategy for the next few weeks,” Ferin said. “I’ve talked to Eledis throughout the day, trying to change his mind about our route. I really tried, Rhy.”
With unease trailing fingers up my spine, I leaned to the side so I could see her. She’d buried her face in her hands with her shoulders shaking.
“After what happened this afternoon, though, I don’t think it’s possible,” she said, lifting a tear-streaked face. “We’re going through the Withriingalm whether we like it or not.”
Chapter 34: The Withriingalm
Raimie
For six days, we marched, quickly establishing a routine. The group rose with the dawn, breaking camp before setting off. We usually stopped for a midday meal, but that was the only rest we enjoyed before it was time to set up camp for the night.
Everything in between was a steady hike until we ran across a town. When that happened, my family and I, along with a token force of Zrelnach, approached it to negotiate for supplies, leaving most of the group far from the town’s outskirts.
Delays like this only occurred twice, but both times, we came away with more items to help us reach Sev: horses, wagons, tackle, arrows for those who’d been hunting, crates of food, blankets for when the nights grew colder, and the like. To me, our little band of soldiers was starting to resemble an army, and I didn’t know what to think about that.
Honestly, I didn’t know what to think about a lot of things.
First, the Zrelnach, whose attitude toward me fluctuated from fearful to resentful to near worshipful.
That last one, I wasn’t sure how to handle. I couldn’t change who people hated, so when I saw it directed at me, I acted no differently from how I normally would. The Zrelnach’s opinion would shift, or it wouldn’t.
Fear was easy to overcome. All it required was an effort to seem harmless or even kind, and it eventually dissipated.
But awe? When I had no clue how I should react to it, seeing that look on other people’s faces just made me uncomfortable.
At least they didn’t think I was crazy.
Second, the anomalies, my splinters, who’d been watching me with concern.
Since not much had been required from me lately, I’d had them stay visible more often, getting used to them hanging around. If they were to play such a significant role in my life, if I was a…
I couldn’t have them hiding in the background, like I had to this point.
They kept trying to discuss… it with me, but I was having none of that. Every time one of them had brought it up, I’d ignored them until they started buzzing, which left them irritated. No one had mentioned it for the last couple of days, so maybe they were learning to leave it be.
Third, a creeping suspicion that Ferin’s offhand comments about me claiming the Audish throne might have more meaning than I’d hoped.
Our lessons together had included subjects like diplomacy, macroeconomics, the different types of governances, and the many versions of etiquette found among the world’s kingdoms, although we had spent one evening on military history.
I considered the topics that my teacher had chosen for me, and I saw a crash course on how to be a monarch, which made me uneasy. I tried not to think about what she wanted from me.
I’d done a lot of not thinking lately.
Over the course of this morning’s march, a mist had slowly settled over the group until it was swirling all around us. As water merged with soil, the bank of the river we’d been traveling beside had become less distinct, and the terrain had changed from an endless sea of grass to splotches of pooled water, muddy ground, and an abundance of reeds.
A marsh.
Frowning, I pulled up my mental map of Ada’ir. I’d heard something about the swamplands on this side of the Fractured Peaks, something hair raising, and on inspecting the map, I sucked in a breath.
As I hurried through the Zrelnach, I noticed how tense they’d become, how their heads were ever on a swivel, and wanted to kick myself for not seeing it earlier.
Then again, if I had, what would I have done? Altered our path? That would have pissed Eledis off more than he already was.
When would he start talking to me again?
The horses and carts of our wagon train had kept to a maintained path, one that was elevated out of the bog. I jogged beside them until I found the one I wanted, but then, I vaulted into its seat with its wheels still rumbling beneath me.
Catching my breath, I asked, “Why are we headed into the Withriingalm?”
“Well, hello there, Raimie,” my father said with amusement plucking at his lips. “So nice of you to speak with me.”
I winced.
“Sorry. I’ve been busy. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Tucking his chin to his chest, my father said, “No. I didn’t.”
And nothing else. Was he keeping something from me again? I’d thought we were past that.
Looking at him, though, I bit my lip. My father was holding the reins in a white-knuckled grip while working his jaw. Damn, it looked like he was trying to gnaw a hole in his cheek.
Was he afraid?
“Dad… how worried should I be about this place?” I asked. “I know the stories. Wraiths haunting the mists, luring people to drown in sucking mud. Souls getting pulled out of recently dead bodies and the like. I thought the tales were a metaphor for bandits or something similar. Are they… not?”
After learning how many things I’d once considered a myth were real, I could see this story having a grain of truth to it too. If magic and Esela and… primeancers could exist, why not soul-sucking wraiths?
Barking a laugh, my father unfolded from his clenched state.
“No, those stories are just that. Tall tales,” he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry. It’s just… your question. I don’t like remembering why we’re crossing these Alouin forsaken marshes. Normally, I’d bring you nowhere near an outlaw haven. For a while, I even argued with Eledis about coming here, but…”
He started chewing his cheek again, and I barely kept from clicking my tongue.
“Yes?” I said.
Sighing, my father said, “But it’s the fastest way to Sev, and we need to get there as soon as possible. Before we left Allanovian, we started getting reports of activity that can only have come from one of Doldimar’s minions, possibly Teron. Last I saw of him, the bastard wasn’t dead, although Alouin knows how."
He looked mighty disgruntled about that idea, not that I could blame him.
“Anyway, we thought ourselves reasonably safe from this person. The reports were coming from the most random of locations, as if their originator were aimlessly hunting for us, but we’ve heard stories of similar activity in the towns where we’ve stopped, and it’s become clear that the trail of this activity is converging on us. Whoever’s on our tail, they’re tracking us now. Given that, we need to get ourselves across the Narrow Sea. Soon.”
That would explain why we'd entered the Withriingalm but…
“We’re running?” I asked. “That seems…”
Unbidden, Bright popped into being, sitting between me and my father. With its teeth bared and its face red, it looked livid.
“You cannot run away from the enemy,” it snapped. “It is your responsibility to destroy-”
“But as he is, the ‘enemy’ would destroy him.”
While I fought to conceal how badly my heart had just leaped in my chest, Dim grinned from where it had appeared, crouching in front of my face with its arms on its knees. Clearly pleased with itself, it rocked back, aiming to land with its head in Bright’s lap, but with a squeak, Bright scrambled into the back of the wagon. From where its hair was brushing my father’s thigh, Dim pouted at its counterpart, dangling its legs in my lap.
“The one chasing you is Teron, by the by,” it said. “His Volatility piece says… well, they said a lot of unkind things, so I’ll just translate it as ‘Hi’.”
Teron, the man who’d massacred Fissid. Teron, who’d almost killed me. Why did I want to rend that piece of shit to pieces and yet run screaming from him?
“It seems what, Raimie?”
Snapping my eyes to my father, I rubbed the back of my neck with a sheepish grin, all while blood drained from my face. Would my father realize what my distraction had meant?
What would happen if he had? Where I’d once thought such a revelation might have been harmful before, now I knew how devastating that could become because of… it.
“Seems wise is all,” I said. “Sorry, dad. You know how I get, stuck in my head. I’ve always wondered if that’s why I clung to the pretense of an imaginary friend for as long as I did. Nine years is such a long time.”
Laughing, my father ruffled my hair.
“Maybe,” he said. “You’ve always had the most vivid imagination.”
“Not vivid enough when it came to my imaginary friend,” I ruefully said. “I can’t even remember his name. It started with an ‘N’, I think. Nelson, maybe? Navranthit? No, too complicated. N- n- n- Hmm. Nyl-”
“Raimie. We were talking about why we’re in the Withriingalm?” my father said.
With an eyebrow raised, he looked concerned, so I abandoned the subject of my long-gone imaginary friend. It had served its purpose, distracting my father from my excessive absentmindedness.
“Well, if we have someone on our tail, taking the quickest route to Sev makes sense,” I said. “How do you suppose this minion of Doldimar is tracking us, though?”
Bright and Dim, yet to vanish, joined my father in his indulgent look, although they didn’t pat my knee like he did.
“They’re following your sword, of course,” all three said with minor variations.
But only my father continued.
“I’ll be grateful to reach Auden, if only because the weapon’s damn ringing will stop. Or that’s what the stories say, at least,” he said. “Since you first touched the blade, that noise has been giving me a migraine almost every day.”
Drawing my eyebrows together, I leaned toward Silverblade, currently hanging from my hip.
“Funny,” I drawled. “I don’t hear ringing.”
“Of course you don’t. You’re… well, you’re you, apparently,” my father said, waving at me. “And you know exactly which sword I meant, son.”
Yes, I did. Alouin damned Shadowsteal. I’d lost track of the sword after my Zrelnach trials, content to forget it existed, but apparently, that wish wasn’t to be.
So, I noncommittally mumbled something, leaning on my knees with the intent of parting the mist with my glare alone. This didn’t work, obviously, but it kept my mind off of the awkward silence between me and my father.
I wasn’t sure how much time passed like this, enough for an argument to break out between Bright and Dim at least, but eventually, my father cleared his throat.
“I was hoping that you might tell me why you’re avoiding Rhylix,” he said. “You two seemed close, which I found gratifying. I wasn’t sure if you’d ever have friends.”
Rhylix. That was a… delicate subject.
“I’m not avoiding him,” I said. “Every night, he’s been teaching me to fight after Ferin’s had her turn at lessons.”
And with Dath as a fellow student no less. I’d found this development strange but not completely unwelcome.
Over the last few days, the trainee had lost his initial antagonism, and without that as a stumbling block between us, I’d found that I actually liked Dath, which was unsettling considering we’d been trying to kill each other within the last month.
“And outside of your training?” my father asked. “In the last few days, have you spoken to Rhylix about anything besides combat?”
I pressed my lips together. Hard.
It wasn’t like I was purposefully dodging my friend. I just knew that if I spent time with him, it would come up. It was inevitable.
And I wasn’t ready to continue that conversation.
“He told me what he shared with you in Path,” my father said.
My heart stopped. Slowly, I straightened, noting Dim and Bright crouching in front of my father. I couldn’t tell if they were poised to attack or merely curious about the situation.
“He did,” I flatly said.
Alouin, did my father know? What would he do if he did? Would his love for me outweigh his disgust for… what I was?
“I won’t hurt your friend, Raimie,” my father said. “I’ve known his secret since Fissid.”
So, Rhylix had only told my father about himself.
Wait.
Spinning on him, I said, “You’ve known for that long and have kept the secret? Why?”
And my father turned to stone.
“That man saved your live, gave you your hands back, and provided me with mobility after that disastrous fight with Teron,” he grated out. “I can never repay my debt to him so no. I did not and will not ever sell him out.”
With nothing else, I knew this to be true. Once someone had earned my father’s trust, he was loyal to them no matter what harm they might later inflict.
I wasn’t sure how I knew this. Our previous life of isolation had given me no examples to judge by, but I knew.
“And what do you think of Rhy’s secret?” I asked. “Knowing what he is, do you think he’s evil incarnate, like everyone else would?”
Arcing an eyebrow, my father asked, “Do you?”
Of course I didn’t. I’d never thought primeancers were evil, but I blamed that disposition on learning about them through books, not people. Sure, certain tomes could be as opinionated as a human when discussing the subject, but most history books tried to stay objective with their retelling of the past, documenting the good and the bad.
But I wouldn’t admit my opinions on primeancers first, not with my connection to them. So, I stared at my father until he relented.
“What Rhylix can do,” he said, “it’s like any other power given to humanity or Esela. It, in and of itself, isn’t evil, but the people who use it can be, and if they are, they’ll abuse it in devastating ways."
All of which I knew. I tried not to wince at how casually my father could say something like that about... it.
"But!" he soon continued, lifting one finger. "Good people can use this power too, advancing the world in the process. They are just as legitimate users of primeancy as those with ill intentions. Which is a long way of saying that no, I don’t think Rhylix is evil because of what he can do, and based off of what he’s shown me so far, I’d say that he is, if fact, the opposite of evil.”
“Hmm.”
Cupping my palms in front of me, I remembered when Rhylix’s hands had filled with light a few days ago. Could I do the same thing? Was using that power worth the risks that came with it?
“Is this why you’ve been avoiding him?” my father asked.
“No. Partially. I can’t… I can’t talk about it, dad.”
Because yes, my father had accepted Rhylix for what he was, but would he do the same for me? Could I accept this gift without driving my family away? Could I let myself be a… primeancer?
Fear swelled in me at the idea, and I couldn’t let my father see it.
“Thanks, dad,” I mumbled. “I’m going to… yeah.”
Leaping out of the wagon, I landed in mud while a wave of it splashed over me from the wheels, but I didn’t notice. With my eyes unfocused, I swayed in place, comparing who I was now with who I’d been two months ago, and I didn’t recognize myself. There was a disconnect here, one that could be explained if I could only find the missing piece.
But that missing piece wasn’t clear.
Add to that how a part of me was so Alouin-damned eager to accept this newest revelation—how Rhylix had said, “You’re a primeancer too, Raimie” and something had just clicked—and I was a child again, facing monsters in the dark. What my friend had told me had been something that I’d always known, spoken aloud, and it had scared the shit out of me. Still did.
So, I stood here and looked through my twins—were they shouting at me?—until the one in white disappeared, and my thoughts skipped on themselves all the while. Fear loudly rang in my ears. Desperation twisted every part of me into knots. Self-disgust yanked my stomach up through my mouth.
And here I stayed, gibbering in my mind, until a word jolted me out of it. A name, so beloved. One that manifested for the briefest of moments—“Ny…”—before it was swallowed to the back of my mind again.
I straightened, only for someone to run into me.
A woman, an Eselan who wasn’t wearing the Zrelnach’s leathers, recovered from her stumble, reaching out to steady me.
“I’m so sorry!” she gasped. “Please, forgive me. I should have looked where I was- Your eyes!”
As her face slackened, I blinked at her, wondering why something was dully throbbing behind said eyes.
“What about them?” I asked.
“Their pupils… they’re- they were so dilated, barely any irises left,” the woman said, “but… oh, Alouin. You’re- you’re him. The one who found-”
“It’s just Raimie,” I said, rubbing my temples. “I’m sorry. Can you remind me where we are? I’m a little disoriented.”
With her brow wrinkling, the woman said, “The Withriingalm, Your- sir- Raimie.”
“That’s right. I remember now,” I said. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” the woman said.
But she continued to linger. When I raised an eyebrow at her, she took a deep breath.
“Are you ok?” she rushed to ask.
Oh. Concern for me. How sweet of her.
Smiling, I said, “I’m fine. Everything will be fine.”
Chapter 35: Changing Relationships
Raimie
At the end of my next weapons training session, I made my goodbyes while accepting Dath’s offer of sharing a drink later that evening. The invitation ignited a glow in my belly. Could I find another friendship with him? I knew how contradictory that possibility seemed, given our past, but even still, I couldn’t help my excitement at the idea.
Once Dath had gone, however, I was left alone with Rhylix. He was quickly collecting his things, so gathering my courage, I strode to my friend.
“Rhy. I need to say something.”
Shooting upright, Rhylix nearly smacked the back of his head into my face before spinning toward me.
“Of course. I’m happy to listen.”
And Rhylix gave me a grin, so eager to please that I almost swallowed my tongue.
Mentally cursing myself for being such an ass, I said, “About the last few days. I’m not angry with you, and I still consider you my friend. I haven’t spoken to you because I’m sorting through everything you told me, which has been… difficult. I hope you can forgive me for being an idiot.”
Cocking his head, Rhylix said, “You’re doing that thing where you apologize for expected behavior again.”
He didn’t say anything for a while, which had me shifting in place.
“I’m… sorry?” I said.
“Don’t be! I was only explaining that I’m not upset, but I suppose that’s not how it sounded.”
Pausing, Rhylix tapped his fingers in a flutter against his lips.
“In any case, I understand why you’ve needed space,” he said. “I don’t know if it’ll help, but you don’t have to avoid me. If you feel like talking about what I shared, I’ll happily do so. If you want me to show you what you can do, I’ll help as I can, but until you want these things, we don’t have to speak about our shared curse, and in the meantime, I can keep you safe from any mistakes that you might make with it.”
Chuffing a laugh, I said, “You offer me support when I’m the one who’s wronged you. You’re a good friend, Rhy.”
The saddest smile I’d ever seen bloomed across Rhylix’s face.
“I’m not so sure about that, but I’m glad you think so,” he said. “Now, don’t you need to catch a drink with Dath? He didn’t look especially patient tonight.”
“Shit. You’re right,” I said. “Thanks, Rhy! I’ll see you tomorrow.”
My friend’s farewell barely reached me as I raced away.
Several days into the Withriingalm, its mists grew thick enough that the group could no longer travel safely. While we waited for conditions to clear, I was forced into a day of lectures with Ferin, and the promise of a lesson with Rhylix later was all that dragged me through it.
Normally, I’d find the chance to learn something new enthralling, but my enthusiasm was mitigated not only by who my teacher was but also the subject matter that she’d chosen for today. At the moment, she was taking care of an emergency, leaving me with a thick tome on etiquette to read.
As I paged through it, I tried to keep my attention on the polite mode of address when speaking with the Little Lord of the Zariya Principality, but the people on all sides were distracting me. Sitting on the back end of a wagon, I kicked my foot against marshy grasses while running my finger under lines of text.
“I don’t understand why I’m studying this,” I said under my breath. “What’s the point of learning these stupid rules?”
Beside me, Bright leaned forward as if examining the book.
“Well, let’s consider what Ferin likely wants from you,” it said. “I know you don’t like the idea, but we can speculate, right?”
Making a face, I nodded.
“High society holds having manners in high regard,” Bright continued. “If you become the rightful ruler of a kingdom, you’ll need to know these ‘stupid rules’ in order to deal with other nations.”
Loudly groaning, Dim launched itself out of the wagon, landing in a twirl.
“Manners be damned!” it said. “Become powerful enough and you can do whatever the hell you want.”
With a small smile, I said, “Dim has made a good point, Bright. Not that I’ll ever be powerful enough for other kingdoms to take me seriously, not without conforming to their societal rules first.”
Dim started preening while Bright beamed at me, but when they caught sight of their counterparts, they froze, probably realizing that I hadn’t agreed with either of them.
Then, they glowered at me. Bright did so with a tinge of righteous indignation while Dim just looked gleeful, and I burst into laughter.
“Glad you find my choice of reading material amusing.”
Gliding into view, Ferin plucked the tome out of my lap, and caught off guard, I sputtered.
“I’m- You- Give that back! I was almost finished.”
Ferin stopped short, turning to me.
Lifting the thick tome, she said, “You read all of this in the short time that I was gone? Are you sure about that?”
Usually, questions like this would have me bristling, annoyed by the other person’s preconceived notions about my abilities, but there had been such skepticism in her voice that I flinched, fixing my eyes on the ground.
“Most of it, yes,” I said.
“All right, then.”
I heard pages flipping.
“Tell me about Chapter Ten: On the Intricacies of the Kreati Principality’s Culture,” Ferin said.
Oh, I knew this. Recitation. It required proper posture and pose, and for some reason, I was compelled to follow this standard today.
As I hopped into the mud, I caught sight of my teacher, leaning against the wagon opposite me with the book beside her. Clasping my hands behind my back, I cleared my throat, bringing up page two hundred and eighty-six from that book’s portion of my mental index.
“The Kreati are known throughout the civilized world as the most affectionate of people. Strangers to their cities should know that they may be stopped in the street for an embrace. Before coming to the principality, visitors should examine the differences in their greetings. For instance, one between close acquaintances will look like what’s shown in Diagram 10.1—”
I copied the illustration further down the page as best I could.
“—whereas one between family members-”
“Stop!” Ferin said.
With an odd look on her face, she turned to an earlier section of the book.
“Start from page… thirty-seven.”
I furrowed my brow. The requested page was one of those that I’d glossed over. Still, I recited what I could.
“-strong belief in morality. In fact, during ancient times, the Audish king was considered an avatar of their god, Alouin, pure in every aspect of his life… and then, there’s something about striking down evil and protecting the innocent at some point further down the page.”
I lowered my head with heat burning in my cheeks.
“My retention isn’t what it used to be.”
After a moment, Ferin crossed to me, dropping a hand on my shoulder, and again, I flinched. She didn’t notice, too busy nudging my chin up until I met her eyes.
“You, Raimie of the line of Audish kings, are a wonder,” she said.
But then, she took a firmer grip of my chin, shaking my head back and forth.
“Are you telling me that you’ve had a memory like this for the entire time I’ve been teaching you? No wonder you’ve been breezing through my lessons,” she said. “I’ll have to modify my teaching schedule.”
Releasing me, Ferin stepped to the side, rummaging in the wagon’s bed behind me. She returned with a few books piled in her arms.
“Here. Busy work for you: useful information that’s also not particularly necessary,” she said, handing them off. “You don’t have to go through them by tomorrow, seeing as how Rhy gets his turn with you soon, but look through them when you can. Now, get out of here! I need to think.”
Licking my lips, I backed away from Ferin, who was muttering under her breath. I didn’t know why I considered her a threat right now, but I didn’t turn my back on her until I was a good distance away from the wagon.
With freedom unexpectedly mine, I trotted through camp with Dim and Bright following me. When I reached them, Rhylix wasn’t with his belongings, but I hadn’t thought he would be. My friend was always out, doing Alouin knew what throughout camp. This, however, was where we met for every training session, and when we started tonight, I’d rather be waiting for him than the other way around.
So, I found the driest patch of ground nearby and settled in to read. I’d gotten through two books before someone plucked one from their pile.
“The Many Rules of Penumbra and How to Play,” Dath said. “The hell are you reading this for?”
Chuckling, I raised a hand for the book.
“It’s at your commander’s behest, if you must know,” I said.
“Ugh. Your lessons with her must be awful if she’s having you study that stuffy game,” Dath said before pausing for a moment. “Come on. I have something better for us to do.”
Snapping my current volume shut, I set it aside.
“Thank Alouin,” I said. “I was about to go out of my mind with boredom. What are we doing?”
Biting his lip, Dath glanced around.
“Raimie… do you trust me?” he said, meeting my gaze. “I did a lot of stupid shit in Allanovian, sure, but I hope the last two weeks have proven to you that I’m not the hateful person you met.”
Regarding the trainee, I compared the man I’d grown to know with the boy I’d met in Allanovian. Those two versions did seem anathema to one another, which made sense given the stories I’d heard about Dath’s recently deceased partner, and if I was aware of one flaw in my character, it was that I always believed the best of people. I always insisted on offering a second chance.
Getting to my feet, I brushed myself off. I took a deep breath before firmly holding my companion’s gaze.
“I trust you, Dath,” I said.
For a breath, the trainee looked both stunned and relieved before he pulled himself together and took a step closer.
“Then, I need to ask a favor of you. I need you to come with me beyond our camp’s boundary, and you’ll have to leave your visible weapons here,” he said, lowering his voice toward the end.
This had my eyebrows shooting for my hairline. I might believe the best of people, but Dath was asking a lot from me with this request.
With an intense look of concentration in place, Bright left my side, circling the trainee.
“From what he’s radiating, I believe he’s sincere with his words,” it said. “It’s difficult, though. Something’s off about him.”
“I’m not sure about him either,” Dim said. “He smells amazing, which isn’t a good sign for you, but he also rankles me.”
Great…
As if sensing my indecision, Dath quietly said, “Please, Raimie.”
And that did it for me. Unbuckling my belt, I set Silverblade aside, leaving my bow and arrows beside it.
Gesturing toward the mist, I said, “Shall we?”
In silence, Dath led us through the marshland until mists had hidden the camp, and every step I took had my skin crawling. This, all of this, felt like a trap, although I was unsure who, besides Dath, might want to hurt me.
“If worst comes to worst, you can always pull from me, like you did in that second trial,” Dim said. “As long as I’m around, you’re never unarmed.”
Jerking my head to the splinter, I hissed, “What?”
“What, what?” Dim asked.
But I could say nothing more without drawing Dath’s attention.
The second Zrelnach trial. When my fists had caved a man’s face in.
Alouin, I hadn’t thought about that for weeks. Dim had been involved with it?
If so, then… yes. I had a powerful weapon at my disposal, a secret card to play, or I would save for one fact. I’d been a dumbass, avoiding everything that might help me ‘pull from Dim’.
As it was, the power to smash in someone’s skull was walking beside me, and I couldn’t use it. Once we returned to camp, I should ask Rhylix to skip weapons training so we could talk about primeancy, if only for tonight.
How idiotic was it that I’d needed something like this to make up my mind about my gift?
“I need your help.”
With difficulty, I focused on the trainee in front of me.
“I’ve gotten myself involved with something wrong, something deadly,” Dath continued. “I want out, but… I can’t do it alone.”
Shit. I’d known coming out here had sounded like a bad idea.
But I couldn’t refuse to help someone, especially not someone who could be my friend.
“Ok. What are you involved with? Or maybe you can share why you want out?” I asked. “Actually, just give me any and all detail that you can.”
Glancing over his shoulder, Dath said, “The reason I want out? It’s you, Raimie. Over the last two weeks, you’ve shown me that you’re a better person than this world deserves, and I can’t let you die, which is what they want.”
Halting, I was peripherally aware of Bright and Dim going defensive, but most of my attention went to my companion, who’d turned my way.
“What?” I said with my voice dead.
Dath opened his mouth to reply, but something flashed in his eyes—panic maybe?—and he leapt forward. He jerked me to the side, sending me tumbling to the ground, but not before heat lanced through my arm.
“Shit,” Dath hissed. “Stay down.”
He took off, and rolling to my back, I slapped at my shoulder. When I pulled my hand away, my breath caught on seeing blood coating it.
Dath had wanted me to stay down?
“No way in hell,” I breathed.
I had to get away. Fast. So, I gathered myself and sprang to my feet before shooting into the mist.
The ground was moving far too quickly beneath my feet, zipping by at an incredible speed, but perhaps that was a battle rush talking. It didn’t explain the puffs of white light that were bursting beneath me with every step, though.
I’d taken maybe two dozen strides before the world around me skewed, dangerously tilting. Following its new angle, I was soon stumbling, and not long after that, my foot got stuck, refusing to lift out of the mud. Gritting my teeth, I jerked and yanked on it, but when my struggles only saw this mud rising to my ankle, my heart stuttered.
Sucking mud, one of the Withriingalm’s most notorious hazards. Without several people to haul me out of it, this patch of ground would pull me in until I suffocated. If I was remembering that correctly, of course. My only choices were to hope someone found me before I vanished beneath the surface or to hurry along my demise. That was all fighting to escape would do.
Well. No one was coming for me, and I wasn’t one to surrender quietly.
So, while the world warped around me, making me dizzy beyond measure, I tried everything to pull my foot free. My efforts had only sucked me in to the knee, leaving my legs painfully sprawled, when motion made the mist swirl.
Disoriented, I drunkenly patted down my body until I found a knife, tucked into my free boot. I held it ready, feverishly scanning the perimeter of what I could see, and when Dath came into view, I almost threw it. Only the arrow that he was holding in place at the join of his shoulder and neck stopped me.
“Raimie! Thank Alouin. You’re alive.”
When Dath staggered closer, however, joy dropped from his face.
“Shit,” he said. “Hell, what do I-? Ok. First.”
Dropping to his knees, he ran a hand over my body, and weakly, I slapped at him.
“The… fuck, Dath?” I mumbled.
“Sorry. I thought we had more time. They were supposed to be further out,” Dath said. “I have to know if they got you. It’ll tell me my timeline.”
Roughly, I shoved him.
“They?” I snapped.
Looking away, Dath said, “Two people, part of the group I wanted to leave. I was supposed to lead you into an ambush today, which I apparently did.”
A crazed giggle spewed from him before he shook his head.
“It wasn’t supposed to go like this. When I made my decision to leave, I didn’t have time to change their plans. I hoped that you’d help me fight them, and we could go from there but…”
Shuddering, Dath rapidly blinked before continuing.
“I knocked them out, so they won’t be a problem for…” he said before cocking his head, “two or three hours, if we’re lucky. I’m more concerned with poison. Did their arrows hit you?”
Oh. Oh, this was a mess. But maybe we could fix it.
Absently, I brushed my arm.
“Is that why I’m seeing two… no, three of you?” I asked.
Sitting back on his heels, Dath slapped his palms to his face.
“Fuck!” he shouted into them. “Alouin damn this shitty hell.”
“‘S’bad then?” I mumbled.
Popping into being behind Dath, Bright shrieked, “Yes, you dumb…”
Red in the face, it repeatedly bit its tongue.
“MARVELOUSLY INCOMPETENT human,” it continued. “Stop sending me away, and take from me.”
Giggling, I pointed at Bright.
“You’re worried,” I said.
“Of course I am-”
“Seriously? You’re making me tell you to calm down?”
That last part had sounded like Dim, but I was much more concerned with the fact that Dath had drawn a knife.
“I’m sorry. I have to knock you out. It’ll slow the poison down,” he said. “Hopefully, I can retrieve the antidote as well as some help before that—”
He glanced behind me.
“—sucks you in.”
“Wow,” I said, slurring the word. “That’s a good plan, coming from someone who left a sword in- in…”
A smile twisted Dath’s face.
“Yeah, well. Consider this payback for our first trial.”
He slammed his knife’s pommel into my temple and-
Chapter 36: Cross the Line
Raimie
I was back. It had been weeks, and gods, I’d missed this place. Or maybe it was more that I’d missed someone who was only found here. At the thought, I laughed, and it reverberated back to me as something far less pleasant.
“Are you here?” I called. “Please. I want to see you. I really, really do, and- if it helps, I know who you aaaaare."
Idly, I watched swirling colors mar the black above. I discarded this mystery to lift myself onto my elbows. Slowly, I looked over my nightmare’s horizon, and when I spied a bump in the distance, a manic giggle flew from me.
“Nooooo…” I drawled, pouting. “Come here. Ny-”
In an instant, the wraith was standing over me, and I grinned at that all-encompassing hood.
“I know who you are,” I repeated.
“I heard you the first time,” the wraith said. “It does not matt-”
The bond around my waist snapped. While I snickered, the wraith glanced at where it had once been.
“Huh. Maybe repaired memories do make a difference,” he said. “Still, it does not matter now. I cannot rouse you in the typical manner, and it is killing us too quickly. So…”
Taking hold of my tunic, the wraith lifted me off of the ground, leaving me hanging from his grip. All I could see was the sky and yes. There WERE colors in the black.
“Pretty,” I said, reaching for them.
“Please, forgive me, heart of my heart,” the wraith whispered, “but you will—”
He punched me, driving me into the ground. Before I could process my shock, the wraith pulled me up again.
“—wake—”
Once again, pain accompanied my impact with a far too solid surface. Once again, I was left dangling from someone’s hold.
“—up.”
With this blow, the wraith left me on the ground, and growling, I lunged, wrapping my arms around his legs. When I tugged, he landed on me—gods, it felt right, RIGHT—before rolling to the side, and his hood retreated enough for me to recognize the face beneath it.
“Please, wake up,” a piece of my essence said.
And colors reached the horizon.
Gasping, I jerked upright, but a spinning landscape forced me to the ground again. I vomited, letting that sick splatter all around me, and for a while, I didn’t move, listening to the silence. Marveling in the fact that I was alive, if not for much longer.
Because sucking mud had engulfed me to the waist, and I saw no sign of rescue. Plus, I was awake, which wasn’t conducive to surviving the poison pulsing through my body.
But like before, I couldn’t lay here and let something kill me, even if fighting it would bring death along faster, and I certainly wouldn’t want to leave this world while unconscious. Thank Alouin that I was awake, no matter what Dath had said.
I clawed at the reeds around me, shimmying in the mud, and raked my fingernails in the soil, but nothing pulled even the slightest bit of my body free. Soon, I was up to my shoulders, and the rapid beat of my heart matched the rate of my hyperventilation.
“You always were a stupid child, weren’t you?”
At the question, I went still, becoming a sculpture made of ice. Hardly daring to believe what I’d heard, I didn’t look for the woman who’d spoken, whispering to her instead.
“Mama? Is that you?’
“Pathetic. Ungrateful.”
It was my mother. I’d know that voice anywhere. As mud crept up to my neck, I searched for her in the mist.
“You ruin everything,” she snarled.
Something stabbed at my heart, making me desperate enough to gasp. Mud reached my chin, and with my heart thundering in my ears, I tilted my face to the sky, seeking a few more seconds of air. Of life.
“You’re right, and I beg for your forgiveness,” I said. “I didn’t mean to make you fall, and everything I did to disappoint you as a child… I’m sorry for it.”
“It’s not enough!”
She loomed over me until her face blotted out the sky.
“It will never be enough!” she screamed. “Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed for you? You killed me, you ungrateful wretch!”
Why could I hear her through the mud? This sludge should do a better job of plugging my ears.
Maybe I could drown on my tears instead of liquid soil.
“I know,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry, mama. Please! I’m sor-”
Mud filled my nose and mouth, and I breathed it in.
I woke up to a blank slate of a world. A bland field of cropped grass stretched in every direction with not a tree in sight, and a blue sky made a solid canopy from horizon to horizon. In the background, a barely audible whine hummed.
The only flaw in this scene of blue and green was a hand-sized hole in the sky’s apex. There, a miniature battle was playing out between forces of light and darkness, reminiscent of what I’d seen when Bright and Dim had showed me their true forms.
Speaking of which.
“Are you two there?” I asked. “You can come out if you want.”
I wasn’t too surprised when they didn’t.
So, this was the afterlife, was it? It wasn’t at all how I’d pictured it.
“Bright?” I said. “Dim?”
After what had happened, I could see them being stubborn, refusing to heed my call, but I had to ask for them anyway. Right now, they were my only means of figuring out what was going on. If they’d carried over to the afterlife with me, I needed to talk to them.
Instead of my splinters, a middle-aged man stepped out of thin air several paces away, scrubbing his hands on stiff, blue trousers. His tunic had its sleeves cut off halfway down his arms, and a demonic, hooded figure was painted on the front.
Besides his strange clothes, this man could have posed as an average human. Short brown hair, salted with gray, framed a plain face with murky blue eyes peering from it.
“Ships damn Earth. I hate visiting that disconnected iteration,” he said, as if to himself. “At least I’ll get a minute to myself now.”
He looked up, freezing when he spotted me, and perfectly aware of what he’d just said, I awkwardly waved.
“Hello,” I said.
The stranger ate the ground between us with his stride, grabbing my arms when he reached me.
“How did you breach my safe space? I thought I’d fixed my sequences to keep essences out,” he snapped. “Tell me what you did, and I might not hurt you.”
Shoving me away, the stranger lifted his hands, holding light in one and darkness in the other, and unsure of what was happening, I threw my own hands over my head.
“I died? I don’t know,” I stammered. “I was eating mud, and the next thing I knew, I was here.”
Even in danger as I was, something was dragging on my focus. Something above me.
The draw of it was powerful enough for me to sneak a glance overhead, focusing on the battle between light and darkness, but now that I was truly looking at it, something about this depiction seemed different from what my splinters had shown me. Something was hovering in the center of it, in the frontline where shadows formed.
What was that? A black spot maybe, or no. A splash of light revealed a figure, suspended between the combatants, and its body was twitching. The high-pitched whine that I’d noticed earlier took on a new meaning.
Hell, I couldn’t look away from the scene, trapped by something I didn’t at all understand.
“Holy shit, you’re my- Wait, no. Sorry. Can’t know that yet. What is it I’m supposed to say? Ah, yes. You’re like me.”
Right. The possible threat. Whatever had hold of me broke with the reminder of what I was facing on the ground.
But at the moment, the stranger looked fairly harmless. He had his hands hanging by his sides with his mouth left gaping.
After a moment, he said, “I’m sorry for how I acted before. You have to understand. No one’s visited this place in forever. So… may I come closer?”
Why not? So far, the stranger hadn’t hurt me, merely reacted in a manner appropriate for finding an unknown man in one’s home. I hesitantly nodded.
When the stranger stepped within reach, however, he summoned light and darkness again, and I automatically leaned away.
“I won’t hurt you,” the stranger said. “I just want to test something. Will you let me?”
What was the worst that could happen? He killed me for a second time?
With a nervous laugh, I nodded again, and hesitantly, the stranger placed one hand on the base of my neck while hovering the other over my forehead.
Energy flooded through me, two forces opposing one another so fiercely that they threatened to tear me apart.
Like what had happened at the tear.
Frantically, I fought to recapture how I’d dealt with this sensation the first time around. This second encounter with it was too much, overwhelming in its intensity.
As the two forces started teasing at my sanity, a memory of that horrible, wonderful event returned, and gritting my teeth, I wove the energies together. Before a seductive sense of peace could take me over, I leaked my creation into my surroundings, and this time, it didn’t knock me flat on my ass. This time, I didn’t feel drained or wrong after it had left.
“Ships, you are,” the stranger said. “You are, and you’re too damn early.”
“I’m what?” I asked around a mouthful of cotton.
The pity in the stranger’s eyes gave me pause.
“I can’t explain everything right now. There’s not enough time,” he said, “but if you want to know, we can talk through your iteration’s tears. Suffice it to say that for now, I’m intervening.”
He turned away, gesturing at the air.
“She could start CPR thirty seconds earlier, but then… no, too high of a cost. They find him a minute sooner? Could work. He’ll be brain dead for a bit, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Let’s see.”
Supremely confused, I didn’t know where to begin with my questions, so I waited, wondering when I’d see what the afterlife had to offer. Once the stranger had finished with his nonsense, he faced me with a grin.
“You’re going home now. It was so good to meet you, Raimie,” he said. “You have no idea.”
How did he know my name? How did he know how I’d died? What did he mean about-?
When the stranger moved forward, I pulled away from him, repulsed by all the unknowns he now represented.
“Wait!” I said. “You said to find another… tear?”
I wasn’t sure where I’d find one in the afterlife, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. Like with every other mystery in my life, I had to figure this out, no matter how intimidating these unknowns might seem.
“When I find one, who should I say I’m looking for?” I asked.
Narrowing his eyes, the stranger said, “That’s right. I never told you.”
Straightening his posture, he smirked.
“My name is Alouin.”
Choking on a gasp, I could only imagine how bugged my eyes look. Alouin? The god?
“Always loved that part,” Alouin said with a laugh. “Until next time!”
When he poked my forehead, I fell backward, and the ground opened up, swallowing me whole.
I float in the space between realities. My next adventure calls to me, and I’m eager to follow it. I’d imagine that doing so would be like crossing a line, and lo and behold, one appears before me.
I can’t see what lies on the other side of it, but does that matter? Nothing ties me to where I once was. Does it?
Perhaps I should check.
In an absence of anything substantial, voices force their way to me, enticing me back.
“You found him?” Rhylix asks.
“By the barest of luck,” Ferin says, panting. “Rhy, when I got there, only his fingers were free of mud.”
“I should have sounded the alarm when he didn’t show up for his lesson.”
“You did the best you could.”
“Maybe. Help me get him to camp. You! Run ahead of us and get a tent raised.”
A grunt and the creak of armor fills the void.
“You think we should hide this?” Ferin asks.
“Did you see the gash on his arm?” Rhylix says. “Someone’s tried to kill him, and they… they may have succeeded. Whether or not he survives, I don’t want the perpetrator to know. Not yet.”
“That’s… probably wise.”
A long period of heavy breathing follows with the sound of a burden lowered into cloth coming soon after.
“Can you do anything for him?” Ferin asks.
“I don’t-” Rhylix starts.
“What’s going on?”
Eledis’ booming voice joins the other two.
“Why have I been-?”
I chuckle at the imagined look on my grandfather’s face, and as if requested, I observe the scene from a great height, adding another temptation to the voices’ pull.
From beside a bedroll, Ferin and Rhylix face Eledis with both of them stricken silent. Alouin, my friend looks like his world’s ending, and seeing this, I wish that cloth wasn’t keeping me enclosed with these people. I’d like to fly into the sky, far away.
Eledis’ face almost matches my imagined expression, but alongside my expected shock, anger is twirling as well.
“Someone explain,” he says with a hollow voice.
Before Ferin or Rhylix can oblige, the tent’s flap lifts, letting my father inside.
Alouin, my father. With his wife and son dead, he’ll be left with Eledis, and I know how those two feel about one another. Maybe this is what’s tempting me, preventing me from stepping over the line.
A denying whine flies from my father, and he’s across the tent faster than I can track, kneeling beside the bedroll. With trembling fingers, he brushes grimy hair away from his son’s face while Eledis ignores him, glaring at the Esela in their midst.
“A few hours ago, Rhy came to me in a panic, saying he’d lost Raimie. He asked me to help look for the kid,” Ferin says. “I indulged him, setting up a search party. Felt pretty foolish for doubting him when I found sinking mud almost engulfing the boy. With some help, we got him out. Brought him here.”
Eledis’ fury transfers to Rhylix.
“And why aren’t you treating him?” he demands.
Licking his lips, Rhylix says, “I-”
And is interrupted again. An Eselan woman… the one who ran into me a few days ago, pushes into the tent, taking everything in with a glance. As she hurries to the bedroll, she pointedly ignores Rhylix, moving my father’s hand away.
“Excuse me,” she says. “I need room to work.”
She didn’t have much to begin with. With so many people in it, the tent is exceedingly crowded.
As bidden, my father scoots back with his eyes turning glassy. As for the woman, she does a once over of the body.
“Barely sustained respiration rate and a thready pulse,” she says before glancing up at those watching. “I’ll do what I can, but you need to let me work. Go back to bed, if you can. Otherwise, go. This may take a while.”
Nodding, Ferin hurriedly departs, and while Eledis appears grim, he hauls my father to his feet, supporting him as they head outside.
Only Rhylix stays behind, hugging his elbows.
Clicking her tongue, the woman rubs her face.
“What am I going to do?” she says. “His essence has already fled his body. I can’t fix that!”
“I know,” is all Rhylix says, tense. Resigned.
“Alouin, they’ll kill me,” the woman says with a hiccupped sob. “Their blessed child of foretelling gets himself killed, and I’ll pay the price for it.”
With thin lips, Rhylix moves to her side, briefly rubbing the top of her head.
“No, you won’t,” he says. “When they return, you won’t be here. I’ll tell them that you left his care to me.”
Jerking her head up, the woman says, “You’d do that?”
When he nods, she jumps to her feet, attacking him with a hug.
“Thank you!” she says. “I won’t forget this.”
As if afraid that Rhylix will change his mind, she’s quickly gone, and alone, my friend slumps with air bursting from him. He sits beside the bedroll, resting his hands on a chest crusted with dried mud. For a while, he merely stares at that deeply dreaming face before shaking his head.
“You bastard,” he says. “Don’t you die on me.”
And the temptation yanking me to this abandoned world, full of grief and pain, snaps. I stand in front of a line with nothing on the other side, but still, I want to cross it. I want to explore, see for myself how empty the other side is.
With a half-smile, I lift a foot, and blinding light pulses around me. As it fades, a hook buries in my back while a magnetic force rips me away from the line, and I tumble through the space between realities.
My body jerked on the return of its essence, and I screamed before lapsing into unconsciousness.
Chapter 37: The Conspiracy in Our Midst
Rhylix
I'm fighting a god.
I couldn’t breathe. As I staggered away from the tent, I sucked and sucked at the air, starving for it, but it wouldn’t come. It wouldn’t come! It wouldn’t-!
A splash of life dove down my throat, and I expelled it again in a cry.
“HELP!”
Seeing double, I stumbled toward what looked like crates, blindly groping for one as my legs gave out. I landed hard, scraping my body down a wooden surface before mud splattered on me, but I paid it no mind, focusing on calming down my nausea. In: one, two. Out: one, two.
Someone stepped in front of me while I was doing this, a woman reaching for me. Chela.
Recoiling from her, I jabbed a finger at the tent.
“In there,” I gasped. “Having a seizure.”
My meaning must have gotten across because Chela shot upright, sprinting for the tent. While she worked on Raimie, I fought to control myself. I couldn’t stop my surroundings from wobbling, so I squeezed my eyes closed, which helped with keeping my stomach’s contents down.
When I heard footsteps squelching toward me again, I cracked an eye open, grateful to see only one version of Chela crouching in front of me this time.
“How is he?” I asked.
“Fine. Resting,” Chela said. “What did you-? How did you heal him?”
Chuckling, I shook my head.
“I did nothing,” I said. “Not long after you left, he started screaming before a seizure took hold. He got me pretty good on the side of the head before that, though. I might have a concussion. Don’t feel so good.”
“You’re telling me that he healed himself?” Chela said.
“It’s happened before.”
Groaning, I leaned my head against the crate, resting a palm over my mouth.
“Chalk it up to a miracle. Alouin working among us, if you will.”
Chela was quiet for a moment before clicking her tongue.
“Makes sense, I suppose,” she said. “But look at me, getting all curious about healing techniques when I clearly have a patient in front of me.”
She brushed her fingers through my hair, probably meaning to position my head so she could see it better, but at her touch, a long-buried fear resurfaced. Slapping her hand off of me, I fell sideways, skittering away.
“Don’t touch me!” I shouted.
Memory bucked against its barriers while bits and pieces slid through.
My head firmly held while a needle touches my eye.
Acid bubbling on my chest.
Sharp edges grazing my skin.
NO.
Gasping, I found Chela, sprawled in the mud in front of me, and winced.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “Auden is… not a kind place. It teaches its children the importance of vigilance when one is vulnerable, and that’s a hard habit to break.”
Rolling her eyes, Chela said, “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, healer. So long as you don’t hurt me, you can be as rude as you like. In fact, I prefer it that way because then I don’t have to worry about being polite. Now, help me up.”
She extended a hand, and restraining a disbelieving laugh, I pulled her to her feet.
“And since you’re a healer, I’ll trust you to take care of yourself,” she said, as if nothing had interrupted her. “What will we do about him, though? His family will want to know he’s alive and well.”
Turning to the tent, she scowled at it, crossing her arms.
“That’s usually how it goes, yes,” I said. “Would you like to do the honors? It would earn you favor with the most powerful people in this group.”
Lighting up, Chela spun on me.
“You’d let me do that?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said with a smile. “Just… whatever you tell them, keep me out of it. I don’t need any more embarrassment.”
“I can do that!” Chela said. “Thank you, Rhylix.”
Beaming, she made to run off, but at the last minute, she stopped, examining me.
“You’ve changed since leaving Allanovian. Still haughty as hell sometimes, but less distant. Less… cold,” she said. “I like this version of you.”
Ducking her head, she sprinted into camp. I watched her go, thinking about what she’d said.
Had I changed? I didn’t feel like a different person, but after who knew how long cut off even from myself, I couldn’t say who I was anymore.
Sitting on a crate, I rubbed my hands together between my knees. This had been a close call, too close of one, and we hadn’t even left Ada’ir yet. I had to do better than this, be better than this, because when Raimie eventually attracted Doldimar’s attention…
Sighing, I hung my head.
A few days ago, Ferin, Aramar, and I had made a plan, one that would get us through the Withriingalm safely. Each of us would watch Raimie while hurrying our group along as much as we could. The idea had been that if eyes were always on the kid, he couldn’t hurt himself, and when assigning watches, I’d volunteered to take the longest of them for one reason alone: I’d have help with it. It appeared, however, as if I might have expected too much from myself.
“What happened?” I asked under my breath.
Silently, my constant nuisance… Creation stepped into view.
“Order said that they had it under control,” it said, “and I’m still cut off from the whole, as I’m sure you can tell. I left the watch to them while trying to reconnect, thinking I’d be of better use to you at full power. While doing that, I got distracted, otherwise I’d have heard Order’s warning earlier than I did.”
Rubbing my face, I said, “All right. I can’t blame you for that. It’s my fault you’re so disconnected. Just… try to pay more attention?”
“I’m insulted you think I need to be told that.”
Jerking upright, I choked on my indignant retort when I saw Creation’s teasing grin. That boring, rigid nuisance was mocking me? Strange.
Without deigning to respond, I resumed my vigil, and Creation returned to wherever it had been healing.
For a while, I did nothing more than keep watch, protecting Raimie until others could, but when a commotion started nearby, I hopped to the ground. I waited long enough to watch Aramar flat out charging for the tent before hustling toward my own destination.
In a relatively quiet part of camp, I ducked into a secluded hideaway, created by wagons and crates, only to have a sharp edge greet my neck.
“I’m guessing the antidote worked?” I asked, lifting an eyebrow.
Flushing, Dath sheathed his knife.
“Hell. Sorry, Rhy,” he said. “I’m a little jumpy.”
“Understandable.”
Squeezing into the hollow, I folded to the ground, sitting knee to knee with Dath.
“Is he ok?” he asked as soon as I fell still.
“He’s alive,” I said. “Whether he’s ok is another matter entirely.”
Still, Dath slumped against the wheel of a cart.
“Oh, thank Alouin,” he said. “I didn’t get him killed.”
“You got pretty damn close to it,” I growled. “Want to tell me what happened?”
Right now, all I knew was that Dath had staggered out of the mist an hour ago, clamping his hand over a bleeding wound. Pointing behind him, the boy had said something about people attacking Raimie, and I didn’t remember much about what had happened afterward, besides stashing Dath somewhere safe. Judging by the gauze pasted to his neck, I must have stuck around long enough to patch him up.
With his eyes pinched, Dath wouldn’t look at me, picking at his tunic’s hem instead.
“After my first trial, I meant to stay in Allanovian. Did you know that?” he said. “Before this group could leave, though, Yrit approached me, asking if I wanted to save the Esela in Ada’ir.”
Yrit. The noxious Councilman who’d always hated me. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised to learn that he had something to do with this, even distant as he was.
“He introduced me to some Zrelnach,” Dath said, “two of whom were the ones I-”
With his voice locked away, the kid’s throat worked, and my heart resonated with his hurt. Attacking comrades, even ones who were no longer yours, was always hard.
Sniffing, Dath said, “Anyway, I joined this group with the express purpose of dismantling the expedition. I thought that would involve spoiling food and other sabotage, but instead, I was ordered to befriend you and Raimie. So, I did.”
The boy was practically tearing at his tunic, rapidly blinking with his body set to flee, but I couldn’t comfort him. Not yet.
“But?” I said.
“But…”
Dath snapped his eyes to me.
“But then, Raimie happened. The longer I spent with him, the more I realized how wrong the group’s goal was. He’s… Rhy, he’s-”
And now, I took Dath’s hand, pulling it away from his tunic.
“I know,” I said. “So, you decided to get out, recruiting Raimie for help with the endeavor, and it went horribly wrong. Am I right?”
With a hesitant laugh, Dath said, “Pretty much, yeah.”
Which meant that by coming to me after Raimie had been attacked, the kid was burned. No matter. He could still serve a purpose.
“Ok. I’m assuming you don’t know many of your co-conspirators?” I asked. “Maybe one or two, each of whom knows a person from a different cell?”
Drawing back, Dath said, “Yes. That’s it exactly.”
“Fucking fantastic.”
The leader of this plot must be wily indeed. When working to betray someone, only the seriously dedicated and shrewd used a system like this, one that made pulling the conspiracy apart difficult.
“All right,” I said. “Give me any names you’ve heard in your dealings with these people.”
After pausing to consider, Dath rattled off a list, although only two of the names stood out to me. Ona, a Zrelnach who, back in Allanovian, had been sent to ‘tame’ nearby towns if they caused trouble. And Dozat, one of Aramar’s friends.
This was good. I could use this.
“Rhy? What should I do?”
Right. The teenager who’d gotten himself caught in a middling level catastrophe.
“That depends,” I said. “If you want to stay safe, you should return to Allanovian immediately. News of what’s happened here isn’t likely to reach them for a while yet, and you can start your own story well before it arrives. But if you want to make amends with Raimie, I have a task for you.”
Dath gave me an odd look.
“I’m sorry. Why are you offering me a choice? I’ll only take one of those options,” he said. “How do I help Raimie?”
Even as I relaxed, I wanted to smack myself senseless. Knowing this kid, I should have realized that making amends would be the only option for Dath. If I’d wanted to protect him, I shouldn’t have alluded to it.
“Raimie needs someone to watch his back for a while,” I made myself say anyway. “Can you do that?”
Fervently nodding, Dath said, “Definitely.”
Gods, if this got the kid killed, I’d hate myself forever. More so than normal, at least.
“Then, we should get you by his side,” I said. “How good is your illusion work?”
Making a face, Dath said, “I get by.”
“Good enough.”
I pulled a cloak from the back of my belt, handing it over.
“This should help,” I said. “If you make yourself look like a scout, I’ll handle everything else.”
Including besting the training of the Zrelnach we were about to walk through, training that had taught them how to detect Esela magic.
Accepting the cloak, Dath threw it over his shoulders, partially raising its hood, and after a moment, his features shimmered, settling into that of a stranger.
“What do you think?” he asked.
“I think you need to keep quiet,” I said, “but otherwise, it’s quite good. Ok. Give me a minute.”
Dragging my fingers through the mud, I applied it to my face, pulling a bow and arrows from the cart behind Dath. After that, I only needed to summon a few animal carcasses from campfires, hanging them from my body, to complete the disguise. A couple of short summonings would be much easier on me than maintaining an illusion for the length of time that we’d need to reach Raimie.
This, of course, wouldn’t be enough to divert the Zrelnach’s attention, but I had other tricks for that. Plus, Dath looked impressed.
“Wow,” he breathed.
Ignoring him, I said, “Stay beside me, no matter what. Understand?”
When Dath nodded, I left our hiding spot. I walked with confidence toward the only tent in camp, and whenever someone gave us an odd look, I shot a miniscule pulse of Ele in front of their eyes, something that would look like a random sun glare to them. This induced disorientation, combined with our disguises, got us past curious eyes without question.
When we reached the tent, I slowed down, pricking my ears for noise, and when I heard nothing, I requested Creation’s presence under my breath. At the jerk of my head, the splinter disappeared through the tent’s canvas, and two heartbeats later, it reemerged, shaking its head.
So, I slipped inside with Dath, releasing a breath on finding only Raimie there. I was a little surprised that not even Aramar was present, but if we’d arrived right as everyone had scattered to handle their affairs, it wouldn’t surprise me. If so, it was a stroke of luck, one that would give me time for my own preparations.
“All right. I’ll let Chela and Aramar know that you’re here. They’ll be the ones visiting Raimie most often. Everyone else is suspect, so if they come inside, you’ll have to improvise,” I said. “When I can, I’ll relieve you. Can you handle this?”
With his face crinkled, Dath had his eyes fixed on Raimie’s sleeping form, chewing on his lip.
“I think so,” he said.
“Good,” I said. “In that case, I need to go. Good luck?”
With a half-smile, Dath said “Thanks, Rhy.”
I didn’t want his gratitude, so I left the tent without a word, glancing at Creation as I strode into the midst of bedrolls and supplies.
“Will you tell me if Raimie’s splinter notices anything suspicious?” I asked under my breath.
“I don’t like spying on others like that, but in this case, I think it’s warranted,” Creation said. “What will you do?”
I didn’t reply, but that was only because my intentions should be clear. I’d find proof of this scheme. Then, I’d root out its members and burn them all.
Chapter 38: A Lull
Raimie
Waking up didn’t come as a surprise to me. It should have, given everything that had happened. I should have been marveling at every pull of air into my lungs and every thought that passed through my head, but the fact was that ever since awareness had begun its creep on my dreaming state, I’d found every moment predictable. Expected.
Because I remembered everything that had happened. Meeting Alouin. The space between realities. Hovering over my dying body. And with these? Really. Who wouldn’t wake up a little bored by the fact that they were alive?
When I got around to opening my eyes, I delicately transferred the hand resting on my chest to the ground, watching the man sleeping beside me all the while. It was strange to see my father unconscious, a little splash of my life before finding Shadowsteal.
For eighteen years, we’d shared a room in our cottage, although I didn’t remember much about the first half of them, but since this mess had begun, we’d been kept separate. The return to close quarters was welcome, if only for the sense of security that it imbued, but also more jarring than expected. Maybe I’d enjoyed gaining some distance from my family.
I sat up slowly, scanning my surroundings, and started patting the ground around me, looking for my weapons, while dizziness receded. A dagger was lowered from above me with someone dangling it in front of my nose.
“Looking for this?”
Carefully taking the blade, I kept a tight grip on its hilt, ready to draw it if needed.
“Your sword’s behind you. I made sure they left you those two weapons. Figured you’d want them after…”
I counted my breaths, abruptly aware of the miracle of life that I’d treated so flippantly not a moment ago, and waited until I was calm.
More pleasantly than I’d thought possible, I said, “Would you please come out to where I can see you, Dath?”
“Oh. Duh. You’re probably still weak-”
Cutting off, Dath shuffled into view, displaying his empty palms while folding to sit on the ground. Slowly, he lowered his hands into his lap.
“I know it’s stupid, considering you could have killed me in my sleep, but I need to know if I’m remembering this correctly,” I said. “You wanted my help with defanging a trap, one we accidentally walked into anyway. After we were attacked, you knocked me out to slow poison’s progress through my body before running to get help. Is that right?”
Nodding, Dath hung his head.
“I’m sorry, Raimie,” he said. “You weren’t supposed to get hurt.”
Damn, he looked crushed. That plus the fact that my father had let him stay here while we’d been sleeping had me slowly breathing out, letting anger and doubt go with it.
“You mean the drowning thing? That was nothing,” I said with a slight smile. “I’ve almost died before, remember?”
Relaxing, Dath softly laughed.
“True. It’s becoming a habit of yours,” he said. “A bad one to form.”
“Oh, I know,” I said with my smile becoming a smirk. “So, what are you doing here? I thought you’d be long gone. Or have your former comrades been taken care of?”
Dath shook his head.
“It’s only been two days,” he said. “Rhy hasn’t had time to investigate yet.”
Two days? No wonder my stomach was yowling at me.
“Rhylix is investigating this conspiracy? That’s an interesting choice,” I said. “But what about you? You didn’t answer the question. Why are you here?”
“He’s keeping watch.”
My father rolled to his back, but he didn’t sit up, flinging his arms over his face instead.
“If a portion of the Zrelnach is plotting against us—and by that, I mean you—you need someone watching your back,” he said. “It’ll be temporary. Until we’ve figured this scheme out at least.”
Nodding, I said, “Makes… sense.”
Hell, that had sounded tense. Flattening a surge of emotions, I somehow kept my focus on Dath.
“Thank you for doing this. It certainly would have been easier to try your luck elsewhere,” I said. “I’ll rest easier knowing that you’re helping me keep an eye out for danger, though.”
“Don’t thank me. I should fix what I did, and this is the best way to do it.”
Dath glanced between me and my father, and he must have read the room, so to speak, because he cleared his throat.
“I bet you’re hungry. I’ll… grab you some food.”
Hastening to his feet, he ducked out of the tent, and alone with my father, I took a deep breath before facing him.
Only to get attacked with a hug.
Never had I been so engulfed by love and concern, and having experienced it, I wasn’t sure I wanted to again.
The stranglehold that my father had on me told me exactly how badly I’d distressed him, though. Thrusting me away, he lightly backhanded my chest.
“What were you thinking? I love you, Raimie, but this was- was-”
Hissing, he pulled away from me.
“You can’t imagine what it’s like, seeing your child laid out and expecting him to die,” he said. “I- I can’t do this again. Do you understand? You have to be more careful. Promise me.”
Struck speechless by my father’s ferocity, I searched for my voice, clearing my throat once I'd found it.
“Of course,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” my father said. “Just-”
“Be careful. I know,” I said.
When my father didn’t reply, I shifted in place while he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away, and the gateway to his emotions slammed closed.
“Well, then,” he gruffly said. “Now that you’re awake, can I get you anything? A book maybe? I know how much you love your reading.”
“I like learning new information, not reading,” I said, “but no. I don’t need anything besides food.”
As if summoned by the mention of food, Dath burst through the tent flap.
Tossing me a heel of bread, he said, “Heads up. Eledis is incoming.”
He breezed to the other side of the tent before rolling under its canvas wall, although his silhouette stayed in place once he was on the other side.
“That’s my cue,” my father said. “He won’t want me here once he sees you’re awake.”
Slapping his knees, he flowed to his feet before ruffling my hair.
“Good luck,.”
While he traded places with Eledis, they almost bumped into one another, and casting an annoyed glance at my father’s back, my grandfather came inside, pausing for a split second when he laid eyes on me. As he stopped beside the bedroll, I realized this would be the first time we’d spoken in over a week.
“What happened?” was what he opened with.
But I didn’t mind the abruptness. That was just Eledis. I saw his worry in how thoroughly he was scanning my body.
“There’s not much to it,” I said. “I was attacked while taking a walk. I ran. I got caught in sucking mud. The end.”
I hadn’t seen such a scornfully dubious look on Eledis in a while, but even though it should make me defensive, I couldn’t help but smile at it. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed my grandfather.
“You were alone on this ‘walk’?” Eledis asked. “There was no one with you?”
Best not to mention Dath right now, I thought. Here was hoping I could lie convincingly for once.
“The point of taking a walk was to get away from everyone, so no,” I said. “I was all by myself.”
Harrumphing, Eledis crossed his arms.
“What about the people who attacked you?” he asked. “Did you catch a glimpse of them before running away?”
I winced.
“Unfortunately, no,” I said. “Visibility was poor, what with the mist, and I didn’t want to stick around for a second arrow after the first one hit me.”
“You’re not giving me much to work with,” Eledis said. “I can’t find the traitors in our midst if you won’t tell me anything about them.”
Shrugging, I said, “I can tell you they were probably Zrelnach. Who else could have tracked me while I was outside camp? I can tell you that they meant to let sucking mud kill me instead of finishing me off themselves, which implies a lax attitude. I can tell you they probably weren’t alone in their plan, given who they were trying to off.”
A twitch had started beside Eledis’ eye.
“Yes, all of that seems obvious,” he said. “I’m looking for more-”
Someone burst into the tent, someone with frazzled hair outlining a face that chilled me.
“Oh, good. The rumors are true. You’re awake,” Ferin said.
Paying not a whit of attention to Eledis, she summoned a book before tossing it at me. I barely had time to drop it before another one came sailing for my face. Flustered, I managed to catch four more of them before the next one smacked me in the nose while another glanced off my shoulder. Through watering eyes, I watched Ferin ball her hands into fists by her sides.
“I’ve figured out my new lesson plan,” she growled. “It involves you staying out of trouble and reading what I tell you to read, even if I say the information is useless. I can’t get you prepared to be the king if you’re dead.”
Spinning on her heel, she stormed out, leaving me gaping. She’d said it. She’d actually said the ‘k’ word.
“You won’t be at all helpful, will you?” Eledis sourly said.
Rapidly blinking, I managed a squeak.
Sighing, Eledis said, “That’s what I thought.”
He stormed out, which left me grappling with what Ferin had said. Could I keep pretending that I didn’t understand what she was implying, something that I’d known to be true since Allanovian?
On top of overthrowing an evil tyrant, Ferin and the Zrelnach wanted me to become a king. Did Eledis and my father want the same thing? More importantly, what would I do about it?
I was still gaping at the tent flap when Dath crouched in front of me. Retrieving the hunk of bread from my lap, he dusted it off before offering it up again.
“You should eat,” he said, “and then, you should get some rest. Sure, you just slept for two days, but you also almost died.”
“You’re… probably right.”
While Dath found somewhere comfortable to keep watch, I mechanically lifted food to my mouth, fighting to keep my mind off of my latest complication. Worrying about it now wouldn’t do me any good. What the Zrelnach expected from me would merely be a nuisance until I’d let the idea settle. Probably.
So, once I was done eating, I lay down and emptied my mind. I doubted I’d fall asleep, but Dath had been right. I did need the rest…
Once again, I found myself lying in a nightmare realm, but something had changed this time. The color that I’d seen while dying here had bled into the place’s black, forcing a retreat, and sitting up, I examined what that ink-stained veil had hidden.
I was at the bottom of a well, an exact replica of where mama and I-
I blinked, and water had risen to my chin, climbing higher with every second. Struggling to touch the restraints pinning my legs, I took a desperate breath before I was submerged. When my lungs started burning, my search became ever more frantic, and despite myself, I wasted precious air on a laugh, sending bubbles floating over my head. I’d survived drowning on mud, and now, my dreams would have me suffocating on water.
“How on earth did such a stupid child come from me and your father?”
I barely heard my mother’s voice because THIS WAS A DREAM. Alouin, I should smack myself.
I forced myself to take a breath, and water flooded into my lungs, igniting my chest in a blaze, and all the while, I chanted in my head.
‘Not real. Not real!’
Illusory water vanished, leaving me choking on body-convulsing coughs. Damn. I hadn’t needed a horrific recreation of my mothers death—the worst moment of my life—now. Or ever, really.
Once I’d recovered, I reluctantly examined the well, and on doing so, I groaned. The black, ever haunting my nightmares, hadn’t vanished as much as I’d thought. Instead, it coated a curving wall, smooth and slick, and while color had pushed its enemy back, it was a weak victory.
I saw only two points of discrepancy: a weak, blue-gray patch, outlined by the well’s lip overhead, and the leeched brown of the ground I was sitting on.
Great. Apparently, this journey was multi-step. So, how did I advance the nightmare now? Climb for my freedom?
“Are you ok?”
The question sent a shudder to the depth of my core, dragging forth a host of memories.
Running through the forest with a boy at my side. Talking to my friend while my parents indulgently looked on. Pouring every doubt and fear on the boy while wishing he could do the same.
How had I forgotten?
With my face tilted to the gray window overhead, I twitched in place while the emptiness that was ever mine filled the smallest amount, and the restraints holding me snapped. Rubbing my legs, I unsteadily stood.
At my side, the wraith was leaning against unnerving black with his arms crossed, except he wasn’t a WRAITH, was he? And he most certainly wasn’t a stranger.
“I’m fine,” I said before smirking, “Nylion.”
The wraith, Nylion, jerked as if a sliver of lightning had run through him.
“You… remember me?” he said with such hope in his voice.
“Sure, I do!” I said. “You’re my imaginary friend from when I was a kid.”
Resting my hands on my hips, I turned in a slow circle, seeking a way out of this pit.
“I’m not sure why my mind put you in my dreams, but I won’t question it,” I said while biting my lip. “Is there a way to scale this wall that I’m not seeing?”
Having come full circle, I cocked my head. Hunched over, Nylion was shaking, and concerned, I took a step toward that hooded figure, only to be stopped short by him flinging his head into the wall.
He started uncontrollably giggling, but it was the saddest, most crazed-tinged display of mirth I’d heard in my life. So, I strode forward, determined to fix what was wrong.
When I reached to push that damn hood back, however, Nylion caught my wrist with his laughter dying.
“No,” he said, squeezing his grip tight. “Not yet.”
What was this intensity? Why did it make my heart hurt?
Whatever it was, I could answer it only one way.
Licking my lips, I said, “Ok.”
And I fought not to cry when Nylion removed his hand from me. What was it about his touch that brought such a sense of completion, of a half becoming whole?
Rather than think about that, I asked, “What next?”
Pushing himself off of the wall, Nylion examined it with me.
“Now, I figure out how we are meant to climb this slick surface while you continue solving your real-world problems. If history is any indication, you’ll have a plethora of those, waiting for you,” he said. “I think, however… I think that I can once more help you in the real-world like I did when you were a kid.”
“Right!” I said. “When I got stuck while exploring the forest, you’d help me get out of trouble. Yes?”
Nylion turned his hood to me.
“…Something like that,” he said.
Humming, I said, “That could be useful. Do you think I’ll remember this place when I wake up?”
“Doubtful,” Nylion said. “She would never make it that easy on us.”
“She?”
Ignoring me, Nylion moved closer to the wall, bending so that only a hairsbreadth of space lay between his hood and the wall.
“This material is fascinating,” he said. “I wonder where in your imagination it came from.”
Watching Nylion, I sucked on my teeth. This wasn’t how I remembered my friend. During my childhood, he’d always been timid and ever, in all things, completely needy. Maybe he’d grown up like I had?
Either way, I was fed up with his enigmatic ways. I hopped to the wall, poking it in the hopes that I’d learn something new, and I certainly did that. My finger sank into disturbing black while a wholly unpleasant sensation ran from that point of contact to my neck, and with a yelp, I shook out my arm, making a face.
“I figured it out,” I said, “and it’ll be a WONDERFUL problem to solve.”
“You touched the wall?” Nylion hissed. “What am I thinking? Of course you did.”
Shaking his head, he repeated my experiment, bringing his finger to a barely visible mouth once done.
“Hell,” he said around it.
“You see it too?” I asked.
“Unfortunately,” Nylion growled, “and if we are to have any hope of climbing this wall in a timely manner, we will need to work together once more.”
With a smile twitching on my face, I said, “You have an idea?”
“I do,” Nylion said, “and you will not like it.”
Chapter 39: An Explanation
Raimie
Disoriented, I woke up with a snort. What on earth had happened? I’d only meant to lay here for a little while, not fall asleep.
And why the hell was my hand already on a weapon’s hilt? Had the last few weeks’ dangers so thoroughly influenced me that my first instinct on waking up was to reach for my sword?
It… made sense, if they had. How many times had I almost died since finding Shadowsteal? Alouin, what if someone had come to attack me while I was sleeping? I knew I had Dath watching my back but… that didn’t completely stop a sudden wash of fear from falling over me.
“You’re safe.”
I released a held breath like someone had punched me. That voice… it had only been a few weeks, and I already felt a sense of safety when I heard it.
“Rhylix,” I sighed. “Thank Alouin you’re here.”
I had so many things I wanted to discuss with my friend, so many, and one of them had appeared at my side. Bright was hugging its elbows, chewing on its lip, while Dim was on all fours beside me. When the splinter saw me focusing on it, it let out a shaky breath, sitting back on its heels.
I reached out to reassure them that I was ok before remembering myself. Freezing, I craned my neck, trying to check my surroundings, but someone’s hand on my knee stopped me.
“We’re alone,” Rhylix said. “I sent Dath to get some rest.”
Ah. In that case.
I brushed my fingers along the edge of my splinters’ forms, which had Bright crouching to meet me.
“Everything’s ok,” I said. “I’m… glad you’re still with me.”
And surprised as hell to mean it.
“You didn’t show up in Alouin’s world. I wasn’t sure if you’d be here, especially when you weren’t hovering after I woke up.”
“We didn’t want to distract you,” Dim said.
“And we thought that our presence might detract from your reunion with your father,” Bright added.
“But!” Dim interjected before I could reply. “We’re glad that you’re alive, ya idiot. Or I am. I’m not so sure about Ind. Prim here.”
It threw a thumb over its shoulder at Bright, who glared back.
“You’re only happy because you’ll have more chances to spread your mayhem,” it stiffly said before turning to me, “but I’m also glad to see you awake and breathing. More than I can say.”
Their relief hit me like a fist to the face, leaving me speechless. I’d known they were fond of me on some level, considering our past interactions, but this felt reminiscent of how my father had welcomed me back to the living, which made me a little uncomfortable. Could I return their affection equally, especially when they’d made such a significant change in my life?
“You don’t have to respond, you twat,” Dim said, rolling its eyes. “By me, you overthink everything. Relax.”
“And speak with the whole’s… with your friend,” Bright said. “I’m sure you have things to clear up with him.”
“But…”
I sat up, concerned when doing so took more effort than before. Shouldn’t sleep have dulled my weakness?
Shaking my head, I asked, “What I mean is, will you stick around? I’d like it if you did. Your presences could be useful, but I don’t want to discomfit anyone. Wouldn’t being here make you uncomfortable, Dim?”
The splinter blinked at me before snickering, although its attempt at derision seemed forced.
“I’ll be fine unless you make me manifest more fully on the physical plane. That… person,” it spat, “repulses me a hundred times worse than this strait-laced partner you’ve stuck me with, but it’s not so bad when a few layers of reality lay between us.”
Deadpan, I said, “You realize I understood about half of what you said, right? I thought you were more eloquent than that.”
“I-” Dim said, getting flustered. “How else am I supposed to explain it? You-”
It broke off when a smirk spread across my face, and Bright muffled a laugh with its hand.
“I don’t have to understand,” I said. “I only care if you’ll be comfortable.”
As it glowered, Dim’s eye twitched, and it folded its arms across its chest.
“Just when I forget why you attracted me, you remind me,” it grumbled. “You might want to be careful who you start a prank and tease battle with, insolent brat.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said with a straight face.
I turned my back on Dim’s pleased sputtering, facing Rhylix.
“Sorry,” I said. “I thought it best to calm them down before getting started with you.”
“That’s understandable,” Rhylix quietly said.
I paused at the look on his face. He was holding his body loosely with a bland expression pasted in place, but something unreadable lurked in those gray eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Raising an eyebrow, Rhylix grinned at me.
“What makes you think something’s wrong?” he asked.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped. “I can tell something’s bothering you. Trying to hide it after I’ve noticed is just insulting.”
Sliding his eyes closed, Rhylix heaved a sigh.
“All right,” he said before meeting my gaze. “You have to be more careful. No one besides myself and Chela knows this, healers as we are, but it’s a godsdamn miracle you’re alive. Once Ferin and her friends pulled you out of sinking mud, she started chest compressions early enough to get sludge out of your lungs, and I gave you the antidote for the poison as soon as I reached you but… by the time Ferin and I got you back here, you were dead in all but name.”
Rhylix bit his lip, looking away.
“I need you alive, Raimie, because you’re essential to freeing my homeland, sure. But you’re also the first real friend I’ve had in a while. Ferin and I… that relationship comes close, but this here-”
Waving between us, he firmly met my eyes once more.
“You cannot get hurt as badly as you were two days ago. You just can’t.”
Hell, Rhylix had gone from placid to intense far more quickly than I’d thought possible. He’d always seemed steady and implacable, but unnerving as it was to see raw emotion in my friend, I also found it gratifying. It was proof that he cared.
“I can’t promise that I won’t get hurt,” I said. “Apparently, a lot of people want me dead, meaning something like this is bound to happen again.”
And wasn’t that strange? From a nobody to someone that a powerful mage was hunting down while also facing a conspiracy. It was almost as great of a disconnect as the idea that people might expect me to lead a kingdom.
But I wasn’t touching that topic right now.
“You’re helping me learn how to defend myself, a skill that seems more important every day,” I continued, “and I was hoping…”
I swallowed. Alouin, even having resolved to take this course of action, the request for it kept getting stuck in my throat.
“I was hoping you’d extend your instruction to magic use.”
Rhylix’s revealed hard edges softened.
“You want to become a primeancer?” he asked.
With a sharp laugh, I said, “Not particularly. But I already am one. I might as well accept it and learn what I can do. Leaving such a useful tool to rust seems unwise.”
Shaking his head, Rhylix let his lips curl.
“That was fast, not that I’m complaining. It will be nice to have a comrade in arms,” he said. “And of course I’ll help. I’d love to teach you what I know.”
“Great!” I said, scooching closer to my friend. “Because I was hoping we could start with a preliminary lesson now.”
Rhylix burst into laughter.
“Gods, aren’t we eager?” he said. “Fine, then. A first lesson shouldn’t stress you too badly, although you’ll have to forgive me if I go over your head. You know very little about primeancy, and it’s been a while since I touched the basics.”
A while? What was that supposed to mean? Rhylix couldn’t be more than thirty years old. If he couldn’t remember the simplest parts of his magic, how young had he been when he’d gained it? A toddler?
Then again, Rhylix was from Auden, a fact that I’d carefully trod around. I didn’t want to upset him or learn about that land in greater detail.
If even a fraction of the tales from Audish refugees was true, however, every day in that kingdom was a fight for survival. In circumstances like that, having the basics of a skill fade from one’s mind was understandable.
“Makes sense,” I said. “I’ll let you know if I get confused.”
Rhylix’s pinched eyes relaxed.
“Good. In that case, we’ll talk about the foundation that your primeancy is built upon before moving on to a more practical lesson,” he said. “Sound good?”
“It sounds excellent,” I said.
With a smile, Rhylix said, “When last we talked about this, you mentioned that primeancy is rooted in two forces of nature, and this is true. The people of this world call them Ele and Daevetch. We’re not sure if they have a true name, although splinters—a subject I’ll get to in a minute—usually don’t like us giving these forces a name.”
Clicking its tongue, Bright said, “Can you blame us? You lot giving names to… what you’re discussing is comparable to if an ant defined you with a word like Ambivalent or Giant.”
I, having raised a finger toward Rhylix, opened the eye that I’d closed, glancing at the splinters behind me.
“I could see how that might offend you, and I’m sorry you have to deal with it,” I said, “but could you two move somewhere I can see you? Also, can you wait to speak until Rhy pauses in his explanations, which yes, Dim. I know that doing the opposite would be so much more fun, but if you interrupt, it’ll make learning harder for me. You do want me to learn about primeancy, right?”
“Damn you for knowing how to stop my antics already,” Dim huffed.
But the splinter joined Bright in circling into view. Meanwhile, I grimaced.
“Sorry, Rhy. Bright started talking over you,” I said. “The last thing I heard was about how splinters don’t like us giving Daevetch and Ele names.”
The confused expression on Rhylix’s face smoothed out.
“Ah. That makes sense,” he said. “You have them sorted now?”
I glanced at Dim, who was flicking flecks of shadow toward Rhylix, and Bright, who was softly growling under its breath.
“For the most part,” I said.
“Then, let’s continue,” Rhylix said. “So, what you don’t know about Ele and Daevetch, the most vitally important part of them, is how necessary they are to reality. Lying beneath its surface, they underpin everything. Everything. One—Ele—encompasses everything that we mortals consider moral while Daevetch… you can guess what that force involves.”
“But how do you know that?” I interjected, unable to stop myself from asking. “How do you know that Daevetch is evil and Ele is good?”
It was a genuine question, coming from multiple sources. For one, I’d always found people who believed in absolutes nauseating. Humans and Esela weren’t prefect. Given that, how could a member of either species believe that their viewpoint was flawless?
Secondly, I had my splinters to contend with. If one of them was associated with Daevetch, did that make me evil as well?
My question seemed to have stolen the breath from Rhylix. I’d never seen a man so thoroughly rattled as the one who sat before me now, but with a shake of his body, the Eselan gathered himself.
“I’ll let you judge Ele and Daevetch for yourself, but let me finish explaining before you do,” he said. “Each of these forces of nature, these primal forces, is comprised of many different aspects, and ‘pieces’, splintered from these aspects, are what a primeancer attracts to themselves.”
With one of my splinters shuffling in place, I raised a hand to my friend, and when I looked at it, Bright let pent-up pressure burst from it.
“Something else you should know about us. We’re only active in a select few iterations, those judged the most vital in our Eternal War,” it said. “For the most part, our aspects are what influence a nation or a people or a world, not us.”
“Since you’re here, I have to assume that this… iteration is one of the special ones. Why?” I asked, crinkling my brow. “Are the others so different from it?”
Giggling, Dim said, “Hardly. But unless things drastically change… unless Bright and I fail, this will be the final battleground. Eventually.”
“…Great.”
So helpful. Why had Bright shared information that would only confuse me?
Returning my attention to Rhylix, I gestured for him to continue with an apologetic grin, one that my friend waved away.
“You can judge each primal force through its aspects, or that’s how I’ve always done it,” he said. “Some examples of Ele’s aspects include Growth, Purity, and-”
“Order,” I breathlessly finished.
When I pinned my eyes to Bright, the Ele splinter inclined its head to me, and after switching to Dim, the Daevetch splinter flourished a bow.
“Which makes you of Chaos,” I said. “And conversely, Purity’s match would be something like Corruption, and Growth’s Decay. I’m guessing, of course.”
“That’s it exactly,” Rhylix said. “Do you understand Ele and Daevetch’s alignments now?”
No. To me, with my limited perspective, both primal forces seemed necessary, nothing good or bad about them.
Without Decay, Growth would overwhelm the world. For example, the perpetuation of the aged would leave no room for the newly born, and without Chaos, Order would make a society too rigid, leaving no concessions for creativity.
Considering how Rhylix had responded to my earlier uncertainty, however, I wasn’t sure how fervently I could repeat my doubt. So, I lessened it as much as I could while remaining truthful.
“Not really,” I said, “but my beliefs aren’t important right now. Please, continue your lesson.”
This answer didn’t get me a better reaction than my initial question. Rhylix looked as if his world had shifted in an unpleasant way, so I cleared my throat, hoping to jar him from it. I hated having caused him discomfort.
“Yes. The lesson,” Rhylix said. “We should get back to that.”
Chapter 40: A Lesson
Raimie
Rhylix still looked like I’d smacked him in the face with an unpleasant truth, but he forced himself to focus, shaking his head to clear it.
“Well, here is where I’d help you pull Ele to yourself,” he said, “but since you’ve already done that, we can move on-”
“Wait. I have?” I said. “When?”
Shouldn’t I remember having done something like that?
At least my confusion seemed to have put Rhylix back in control.
With an amused smile, he said, “Besides when you closed Allanovian’s tear? Several times. During your second trial. When you first fought Dath. That boy also intimated that you might have used Ele when fleeing the people who attacked you.”
“I was using magic when…?”
How in the void had no one noticed me doing that before?
But besides that, the idea that I could have forgotten something so life-altering had me suppressing a shiver.
“Rhy… I don’t…”
“I know. Having listed the times you’ve used Ele, I’ve realized that they were also times of extreme stress for you,” Rhylix said. “You- hell, this is an interesting concept for me, but you might have instinctually called on the primal forces’ power.”
Which wasn’t terrifying in the slightest.
“But that means I’ll need to teach how to intentionally access Ele,” Rhylix said. “Do you remember anything from the instances I mentioned?”
Coughing a bit, I said, “Just- just what I already told you.”
“So, you feel them at least. That’s good,” Rhylix said. “Although… huh. You might be the first person this question applies to, but is there a distinction between the energies you feel?”
That was a good question. For the most part, I’d ignored the sensation of untapped power, just out of reach, but with my attention drawn to them, I did notice a difference.
“One’s a roiling storm of angry energy. Wild. Alluring,” I said.
Falling silent, I let this foreign, imparted feeling wash over me before shaking myself.
“The other is… peace. Perfect contentment with who I am for the first time in-”
Cutting off, I bit my tongue. I’d talked for far longer than I’d meant to, almost revealing one of my deeper insecurities, but Rhylix hadn’t noticed. With distance in his eyes, he drummed his fingers on his knees.
“That is an… interesting take on Ele. Not wrong, of course, merely different from mine. I’m glad that you experience such tranquility when accessing it,” he said with a smile. “As for the other, it sounds about right for Daevetch: uncontrolled and unparalleled power.”
“Wow! No insult?” Dim sarcastically muttered. “I thought for sure-”
“It matches the temperaments of its asshole primeancers,” Rhylix continued, talking to himself.
“And there it is,” Dim sighed.
“He’s right, though,” Bright said. “Your humans tend to be… not the best of people.”
Dim took a step toward its counterpart, opening its mouth, and wincing, I rubbed my temples.
“Please, don’t start arguing,” I said. “Hell, you’re making this process difficult.”
Clicking its teeth together, Dim returned to its spot.
“Whoops,” it said.
Meanwhile, Bright drew itself upright.
“Unless it’s relevant, you will not hear from us again,” it said.
Nodding acknowledgment, I dropped my fingers into my lap. Maybe the splinters would stop adding to my burgeoning headache.
“What does that have to do with using these energies, Rhy?” I asked.
“Well,” Rhylix drawled, “we wouldn’t want you drawing on the wrong one right now. Not only have I only used Ele in my lifetime, making me a useless teacher for Daevetch applications, but you saw how I reacted when it was pulled to the physical plane before.”
I remembered how my friend’s face had turned green in the moonlight. Alouin, he’d tried so hard to hide the tremble in his hands!
“I don’t want a repeat of that,” I said, “but if you can only teach me about Ele, how will I learn about Daevetch?”
As if weighing his words, Rhylix said, “You could not use it.”
The growl that Dim unleashed on the world almost rumbled from me, but I held it in check. Arguing about this would serve no purpose, not when more important matters called for my attention. For now, I’d have to content myself with unraveling Daevetch’s intricacies on my own.
“Perhaps,” I replied to Rhylix, flexing my hand at Dim.
Surprisingly, the splinter fell quiet, looking almost self-satisfied, and a little mystified, I shook my head at its strange behavior.
“But we should focus on what I can learn,” I said. “So, how do I use Ele?”
Rhylix looked like he wanted to further argue the point, but he relented instead.
“The peace that you feel,” he said. “It’s centered somewhere, yes?”
“…Yeah, now that you mention it.”
It most strongly emanated from a point hosted in Bright, and when I glanced at it, the splinter indulgently smiled at me.
“That’s your source. Later, we’ll talk about what that is,” Rhylix said. “For now, though, focus on that point of peace. Reach through it to the energy beyond, and tease a thread to you.”
He made it sound so simple. I was sure that more would be required of me, but like my time beside the tear, I tentatively reached for my source, and from nowhere, understanding slammed into me.
As if it were nothing, I gathered white light in my hands, cupping them like Rhylix had done, days ago. My friend’s hum of perplexity was lost in my stare at the energy pooled in my palms, and after who knew how long, I dragged my gaze to Rhylix.
“What can I do with this?” I asked in monotone.
What need was there for intonation or inflexion? My words carried my meaning, so why ripple the smooth pond of my voice with expression?
At that, Rhylix half-smiled.
“First, you can release the Ele that you’re holding,” he said.
With an order given, I obeyed. I leeched white light into the world, and once it was gone, I gasped, throwing a hand to my chest. What had that been?
“As you may have noticed, holding primal energy affects your emotions. Sorry, I should have warned you,” Rhylix said, “but don’t worry. With practice, that will quickly fade.”
Rubbing my arms, I said, “It had better. That was awful.”
“Mm,” Rhylix said with his half-smile now holding a secret. “But you asked about uses for Ele?”
I worked my jaw as I nodded. Why had that sense of perfect harmony been so disquieting?
“Considering how many there are, I’ll only focus on three, basic skills,” Rhylix said. “First and foremost, Ele makes you fast, so much so any the norms around you—those without magic—will look like they’re moving in slow motion.”
Humming, I said, “I bet that makes us hard to hit.”
“Exactly. Your speed has drawbacks, of course, but we’ll discuss those later,” Rhylix said. “Second, if you release Ele in a burst instead of leaking it from you like you did just now, it will generate a burst of force.”
Stopping, he looked at me expectantly, and I realized that my friend expected another example of a real-world application from me.
“Um.”
Scrambling, I searched for an answer in my surroundings, nearly bursting into laughter on catching Dim’s yawn, but a glimpse of Bright’s long-weathering sigh kept it inside.
“You did it during your second trial? Before that one took hold of you,” it said, jerking its head at its counterpart.
At the memory of a caved-in face, my gorge rose, and I took a few moments to control it before answering Rhylix’s unspoken question.
“Propelling enemies from you,” I hoarsely said.
Softening, Rhylix radiated concern, but he didn’t comment on my distress, to my relief.
“Yes, you can do that, although there are other applications as well,” he said. “I always thought it was curious how the primal force that encompasses protection lets its primeancers harm others with it. It seems contradictory.”
And indeed, Bright appeared mighty uncomfortable with this paradox, shuffling in place. When Dim cupped a cheek to leer at its counterpart, the Ele splinter started sputtering, and I returned to ignoring them.
“It’s interesting, yes, but I won’t question it,” I said, “not when it might save my life someday.”
Blinking, Rhylix said, “That’s a good point. But in any case, there’s only one other Ele use we should discuss today. Considering how consistently you’ve gotten injured since I met you, it might be the most important one as well.”
I spread my arms.
“Lay it on me.”
This set a twinkle in Rhylix’s eyes with an unshared joke held behind them.
“Healing,” he said, “or a version of it at least.”
Oh. Of course.
“Was it you, then?” I asked. “You brought me back from the brink of death.”
Rhylix stiffened.
“What makes you think that?” he asked with his tone bordering on harsh. “If Ele’s version of healing worked the way you suggested, if I could fix a person’s injuries without any consequences to me or them, do you think I’d be in Ada’ir alone right now? No. I’d have family. I’d have-”
He sucked in a breath, but after a few tries, he found his voice.
“I couldn’t have saved my parents. I know this, but my baby sister? She should have lived. You didn’t see what happened after Ren and I fled home. We ran for what seemed like hours and miles, but it- it was neither, not by a long shot. We’d almost made it to the closest tree line when Ren tripped. Her foot had gotten stuck in a hole and her ankle… damn, it was a bad break.”
Folding to rest his elbows in his lap, Rhylix scrubbed his face, but I didn’t use this pause to offer useless sympathy. I knew what this sudden outpouring was: a confession, and I wouldn’t interrupt it, no matter how uncomfortable it was making me.
“She screamed. Gods, I still hear it,” Rhylix said. “I could see the Kiraak coming. Their whoops and hollers mixed with the shriek, swirling around me, as usual. Gods, every time!”
With a strangled sob, Rhylix straightened.
“Ren was magnificent,” he said. “She heard them coming, and swallowing her pain, my sister begged me to leave her there. And hell, I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay, to fight, to protect, but something took hold of me. I fled, and my sister died.”
Breathing hard, Rhylix held my gaze, but I refused to show him the condemnation he was looking for. Who was I to judge him for this when I’d gotten my mother killed?
“So, yes,” Rhylix eventually said. “If Ele’s healing worked the way you suggest, Ren would be alive. I’d have fixed her ankle, and we would have escaped Auden together.
“What Ele can do, however, is sustain you for a time. Say you get stabbed. Ele will keep you from bleeding out or let you walk on a disabled leg. But this effect will only last for a little while, and when Ele leaves, the injury will return with interest.
“Now. With only a single suggestion of the possibility, why on earth would you think that I healed you?”
The question didn’t penetrate my mind at first. I was still grappling with Rhylix’s story, but when he pointedly cleared his throat, I slapped my cheeks.
“I don’t know. Because you were the last one near me when I was floating outside of my body?” I said. “You sent the other healer away before sitting at my side. Then, you said… what was it? ‘You bastard. Don’t die on me.’ And light ripped me back here.”
Wordlessly, Rhylix stared at me until I shifted in place.
Then, he said, “You experienced something after your essence left your body.”
It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.
“Tell me everything,” Rhylix said.
So, I did, everything about Alouin and the space between realities, and when I was done, Rhylix had closed off. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t read him.
“Interesting,” he eventually said. “There could be some truth to what you saw, although I’m not sure how much. The mind does strange things when under extreme stress. I’ve never heard of someone going through something as lucid as what you did, though.”
He was quiet for a moment, leaving me anxiously watching him, before slapping his knees.
“That’s enough of a lesson for today, don’t you think? We can continue with them once we resume our travels,” he said. “You should rest, and I need to figure out who tried to kill you. I might consult with Chela about your adventures outside your body too. If that’s ok with you?”
“I suppose,” I said. “Only if you think it will help, though.”
“It should.”
With a bright smile, Rhylix stood.
“Rest well, Raimie. I’ll send Dath in here soon.”
He strode for the tent’s flap, and almost, he escaped before my thoughts caught up with what was happening.
“Rhy?” I called.
Pausing at the tent flap, Rhylix glanced back at me.
“Yes?”
Squirming, I picked at my bedroll’s blanket with the weight of my friend’s gaze dragging my eyes down.
“What I saw and all the things that Alouin said,” I said. “Should I be worried about it?”
Taking a chance, I glanced up at my friend, only to find him indulgently eyeing me.
With a chuckle, he said, “Doubtful.”
And he was gone. Alone for the first time since waking up, I chewed on the inside of my lip. For most of the day, things had progressed as close to normal as I’d expected but toward the end there…
Something had been off.
“He lied.”
Crouching beside me, Dim dangled its hands over its knees, fixing its gaze on the tent’s flap.
“Who? Rhy?” I asked.
When Dim nodded, Bright clicked its tongue, tapping a finger on its crossed arms.
“I don’t think it was a lie,” it said.
When Dim rose with a snarl, Bright lifted a calming hand.
“I’m not denying that something was wrong,” it said, “just that it wasn’t as severe as a lie.”
Settling on its haunches again, Dim said, “A misdirection, maybe? A half-truth?”
“That sounds more in line with what I felt,” Bright said.
“And what I smelled,” Dim said. “Gah! What’s gone so wrong that I’m agreeing with a prissy, stuck-up like you?”
“At least it still bothers you,” Bright said.
Rolling my eyes, I interjected, “So, Rhy’s keeping something from me?”
Dim and Bright exchanged a glance.
“You’re asking us?” Bright asked. “The ones who, and I quote, ‘want something from you’?”
As I scowled at Bright, Dim almost collapsed from its perch with laughter rocking it, but eventually, it transferred its gaze my way.
“Come on, kid,” it huffed. “By now, shouldn’t you expect that everyone is keeping secrets, especially from you, oh most significant of humans?”
I play-swatted at the splinter, but I knew it was right. Limply resting my hands on my shins, I buried my stare in their palms, considering what to do. I’d almost died because I placed my trust in Dath, someone who’d been an enemy not long ago. Given that and what my splinters had said, I had to wonder.
“Can I trust Rhylix?”
Transfixed by my hands, the silent conversation taking place between my splinters nearly passed beneath my notice, but at the end of it, Dim sighed in defeat.
“What do you think, kid?” it asked.
I thought… I thought…
“Rhy is my friend,” I said.
And friends trusted one another. I had to believe that Rhylix’s secret wouldn’t hurt me.
I could easily do that, though. Trust? Loyalty? I didn’t know how I knew this, but I was good at these things.
I’d be a true friend to Rhylix, no matter what it might cost me.
Chapter 41: The Investigation
Rhylix
Instead, I marshal the remnants of my sanity to delay Corruption.
After Raimie woke up, we gave him two more days to recover, and then, it was time to run again. The delay had made anyone who was aware of Teron's pursuit antsy, seeing as how it had almost negated the advantage we'd gained by going through the Withriingalm.
I couldn't tell anyone this, but we had no reason to worry. While we'd been in the marshlands, the group had created quite the distance between us and our pursuer. The point of repulsion that had once hastened me to Raimie's side had been lagging, although I wasn't sure why. Was something about the Withriingalm foiling Teron's plans?
But since no one but me knew about this, the remaining days spent in the swamp saw an air of fragile peace hovering over the group. It wasn't a good environment to investigate the Zrelnach in, but I did what I could.
For several days, I followed the people whose names Dath had given me, hoping they'd lead me to others, and they did, but it was never anyone I could pinpoint as the conspiracy's leader. Still, learning about other accomplices was helpful, if only in forming a comprehensive list of the conspirators. When Aramar and I eventually told Eledis and Ferin about this, there was sure to be a cleansing of the Zrelnach's ranks, and I wanted to leave as few conspirators among us as possible.
Aramar had been following his own leads, focusing on the acts of sabotage that Dath had brought to our attention. While he hadn't gotten anywhere with identifying the sabotage's source, his snooping had lessened the number of broken axles and the like that the group had struggled with.
Every night, the two of us conferred on our findings, and as the days passed, those meetings became much more tense and terse. If we wanted to get anywhere, we needed to change our strategy, but I didn't know what else we could do, besides watch identified conspirators while seeking a means of infiltrating them.
Each night after finishing with those check-ins, I turned to what had been my favorite part of the day: combat training with the younglings. Ever since Raimie's close call in the Withriingalm, however, Dath had needed to skip these lessons, not only because attending them might get him recognized but also because of the exhaustion he accrued from holding an illusion all day. He usually took this time to rest, in case he was needed later.
As for Raimie, he'd become withdrawn. Guarded.
And this change made me nervous. Did he regret asking about his primeancy? We hadn't discussed his magic since that first conversation, so I couldn't exactly ask what he was thinking, and while I found hope in how he'd distanced himself from everyone, not just me, I also wasn't sure what else this change could be about.
I couldn't give it much consideration now, though.
Four days ago, the swamp had yielded to plains once more. We'd left the Withriingalm behind—good riddance—and the ground had begun to dip and rise into the rolling hills that surrounded Sev. With the sun nearing the horizon, I'd already run Raimie through his drills, and after an hour of this, it was time for controlled, real-world application, the best way to teach someone how to fight.
In other words, sparring.
Most days, Raimie was cautious during our fights, defending as best he could until he saw an opening where he could 'disable' me. This was, after all, what he'd said he wanted to learn: the ability to fight until he could retreat.
Tonight, however, he was aggressive. He didn't give me time to go on the offensive, hammering down on me with blows that had far too much power behind them, and it was drawing a crowd. In the thirty seconds since our sparring session had begun, several Zrelnach had stopped to watch.
I let their presence fall to a lower state of awareness. With each moment that passed, matching Raimie's skill level had become increasingly difficult. Something that he'd kept hidden or repressed was peeking above the surface.
I'd been prodding my friend—subtly, mind you—toward unleashing what sometimes gave him an unconscious affinity for fighting, and it seemed I'd found it now.
It, however, wasn't a good time to reveal this, not when several highly trained warriors were watching him. Let the Zrelnach think their chosen leader was martially weak, at least until the loyal among them had been verified.
So, I considered removing the cap that I'd placed on myself for years. Revealing that side of myself would be annoying, but most in this group already knew that when it came to fighting, I outclassed them.
Before I could decide, however, I spotted a strand of night wriggling over Raimie's skin, and my mouth went dry.
What was he doing? Using primeancy, especially of that type, here?! Wass he trying to get himself killed?
Distracted, I fumbled a parry, which threw my sword arm wide, and a fist, swarming in black splotches, came for my face.
Without thought, I dropped my sword, and my arm blurred in front of me to catch Raimie's wrist. Twisting it behind the boy, I ignored his yelp of pain, dragging him closer so I could slap a hand on his back.
I only remembered that I was manhandling a friend in the breath before I would have unleashed Ele, flinging my enemy away. So, instead of repelling a Daevetch user as far from me as possible, I shoved him, and by the time Raimie had regained his balance, I had my sword tip at his throat.
With him stopped short, focus returned to the kid's eyes, and he laughed.
"Oh, you should see your face," he said. "I've never seen you so livid before."
"I have good reason to be pissed," I hissed. "What in the void are you doing, Raimie? You can't- you can't..."
Folding his arms, Raimie lifted his chin.
"Says who?" he asked.
Oh, Alouin above. He was letting Daevetch influence him. How did one calm down a teenage boy, drunk on newly realized power?
"Maybe not here, my friend?" I said. "We can discuss it in private."
"Why?" Raimie said. "If I wanted to, I could tear everyone around us apart. They're not a threat. So, tell me. Why should I hide a part of myself?"
"Just-"
Oh, I wanted to strangle the kid right now. Look at the cocked heads and concerned faces around us! This disagreement needed to end. Now.
"Just listen to me. Ok?" I said. "You have to trust that I know what I'm talking about."
"Do I? Really?" Raimie snapped. "You're asking me to trust you when you're hiding something from me. If you don't want me knowing one of your secrets, that's fine. I don't care. But you can't deny that you're hiding one. It's rude."
With my throat closing, I held perfectly still. When Raimie had told me what he'd seen after the accident, it had been the first time in forever that I'd outright panicked. I'd had the presence of mind to finish my conversation with Raimie first, but once I'd been free of that tent, I'd darted through camp, frantically seeking a place of solitude.
Because Raimie had almost seen the one thing that I most hated about myself. And speaking with Alouin... that he'd done that had sent me into a shivering fit, and its aftershocks were still appearing, days later.
Suppressing one now, I said, "I find it interesting that you don't want me hiding things from you when you're doing the same thing with me."
Expression dropped from Raimie's face.
"Excuse me?"
I should heed the warning in that monotone voice, but damnit, this situation had made me angry. This boy, this human, had already intruded enough on my life, and I shouldn't have allowed it.
Raimie was supposed to be my ally, for fuck's sake! What would I do when that status got him hurt or killed? Having come to like him, could I survive his downfall, especially after I'd lost so many loved ones already?
"You heard me," I growled. "How is it that at times, you can fight like an experienced soldier? Why have people across Ada'ir recognized you? How do you sometimes know the words needed to defuse a situation? How are you flying through Ferin's lessons so quickly? Individually, I'd think you were capable of doing these things but together? Whether you know it or not, you have a secret too, Raimie."
Trembling in place, the kid clenched his already tight fists at his sides.
"Don't," he s said. "Don't say that."
I flung my hands above my head.
"Say what?" I hissed, fighting to keep my voice down. "That our situations are so similar, it hurts my heart to consider? That you're not normal? That there's something different about-?"
In a muted flash of light, a fist cracked into my jaw, followed by something solid connecting with my stomach, and I was propelled backward. Sky and grass and wagons spun as I tumbled to a stop, and once motion had ceased, I lay there for a moment, blinking.
Raimie had hit me? Gods, if I didn't have to maintain the illusion of injury, I might have howled with laughter. For the novelty of getting surprised alone, I'd have forgiven the kid but damn. When it came to his emotional state, Raimie could defend himself.
Good.
Besides, I'd pushed him too hard.
"Ohmygodsohmygodsohmygods."
When had he started using that phrase?
"Rhy! Are you ok?"
Cracking an eye open, I waves away Raimie's offered hand up, laboriously getting to my feet on my own. Woozily swaying in place—completely unnecessary by my body's standards but required for the disguise—I spat out the mouthful of blood that I'd been holding since stopping, smiling at Raimie's whimper of worry.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so angry."
He continued speaking, but I was too caught on an idea to listen. Could this be the opportunity that Aramar and I had been looking for? Enough Zrelnach were nearby, watching with amusement, to start a rumor.
"Stop, Raimie. I'm not upset. Pretty sure the punching and kicking me thing was Daevetch talking," I said under my breath, "but we don't have much time, so listen carefully. I'm about to act like you've insulted me. You haven't. I am not angry with you, but I have to pretend like I am so that I can get some traction on this investigation. All right? Don't nod. Just say yes or no."
Raimie looked might confused, but he said.
"Yes."
Gods, the trust that boy showed me! I didn't deserve it.
Roaring, I tackled Raimie before straddling him. Swinging my fist back, I barely stopped myself from punching my friend and with my shoulders heaving, I refused to interpret what the look in his eyes might mean.
"You're Alouin damned lucky that you're royalty. Otherwise, I'd beat you black and blue," I shouted. "Fuck you, Raimie! You can find yourself another weapons instructor."
Ducking to his ear, I forewent the personal insult that the audience was probably imagining I was giving.
"I'm sorry," I said. "Remember. We're good. I am your friend for a long as you want that. Good luck over the next few days."
Hopping to my feet, I spun, leaving Raimie in the dirt. Hopefully, he'd realize what I was doing, but if he didn't, I wouldn't keep him in suspense for long. The story of what had happened here would spread throughout the group, eventually reaching someone in the conspiracy, and with a little luck, they'd see me as a valuable asset to recruit.
And once I was in their ranks, I could wreak havoc.
Chapter 42: You, All Along
Rhylix
One last fight to convey my wishes before I no longer can.
I was beginning to think that I’d made a mistake. A week had passed since my ‘argument’ with Raimie, and no one in the conspiracy had approached me. Not only that but tonight, the group had made camp perhaps a day’s march from Sev, our destination.
Which meant that the conspirators would have accelerated their plans. If they wanted to stay in Ada’ir, they’d have to make their move soon.
I had one more day before that happened. This afternoon, Raimie and Eledis had entered Sev, presumably to charter a boat, and in all likelihood, the dissidents in our midst wouldn’t act until the object of their machinations was among us again.
So, having done everything I could in my investigation, I was sitting on a hill’s knoll, training my eyes on the northernmost of the Robzul city states. Occupying the sole harbor in Blackwell Bay—one of the only refuges from the Accession Tear’s storms—Sev had been a prime target for pirates over the last few generations. Maintaining the city’s defenses had drained its coffers dry, leading to a host of economic problems.
It had also produced a solid wall around the city, one whose gates were only open during the day. After dark, nothing got through them, no matter how high the bribe.
I was intimately familiar with all of this. When I’d arrived on this continent’s shores, Sev had been where I’d spent my first few miserable years. What bad luck that Eledis had chosen it as our port of departure, even if that decision had been entirely logical.
I didn’t like to think about the time I’d spent here or of the depravity that I’d sunk to, but it was best to confront this part of my past now, when I was far from Sev, rather than when I was walking down its streets.
Hence, my position so far from camp.
Even still, a Zrelnach found me. When she came to a stop at my side, she didn’t speak, and I was content to let this continue. She, however, wasn’t.
“You’re no longer enamored with the young king,” she said, like it was a question.
Tightening my embrace of my legs, I slowly looked up at her, flinching when I recognized Ona. The Zrelnach’s top fixer peered at the city in front of us while strands of hair drifted around her face.
“How did you-?” I said.
“You can’t get in such a tremendous argument and expect that people won’t notice,” Ona said with a small smile. “Well? Your thoughts on the boy?”
She rested her hands on her hips while I considered how to reply. This seemed like the opening I’d been waiting for, especially with an identified conspirator asking the question, but it paid to be careful.
“I think… he’s young. And woefully unprepared,” I said. “He can’t learn everything he needs to know before reaching Auden. I think… it might be best if I stayed in Ada’ir. If Raimie’s in charge, I don’t like our chances of bringing Doldimar down, and I don’t care to die for no reason.”
While Ona weighed my words, I shifted in place, hoping it appeared the right amount of nervous.
“I’m part of a group with similar views,” she eventually said. “If you’re interested, our leader would like to meet you.”
Their leader? This was going better than I’d expected.
“I’m interested,” I said. “When would this meeting happen?”
“Now,” Ona said, tilting her head with a sardonic smile in place. “Unless you have something better to do?”
“No. Now works fine.”
Scrambling to my feet, I turned my back on the city.
Ona didn’t lead us into camp, getting us lost in the land around Sev instead, but after about a half-hour, a Zrelnach squad came into view from around a hill, and my guide stopped, pointing at the ground.
“Sword, dagger, and your six hidden knives here,” she said.
Hell, she was good. After relinquishing the weapons that she’d specified, I’d be unarmed, physically at least. Still, I did as I was told, only pausing when removing my dagger. Having raised her hand, Ona bobbed it, and I cautiously placed the blade on her palm, letting her inspect it.
It was an odd weapon, after all, with its blade a tad longer than a typical dagger’s length, but that wasn’t what had caught her eye.
Hefting the dagger, she balanced a finger on one end of its cross guard.
“What’s the point of having this piece if it’s too short to catch a blade on?” she asked.
With a ghost of a smile, I said, “Oh, you can catch a blade on even that small of a cross guard. Learning how to do it just takes more practice than most think it’s worth.”
“Hmm.”
Ona narrowed her eyes.
“I could have sworn I’ve heard of a dagger like this before, something from a history book,” she said before shrugging. “I suppose it doesn’t matter, though.”
The dagger went on top of my weapons collection, and Ona beckoned me onward.
“Our leader isn’t here yet. Unsurprising, given how busy everyone’s been,” she said. “You’ll have to wait until she arrives.”
“Not a problem. Waiting for people has become a specialty of mine,” I said.
She. So, the ringleader of this conspiracy was a woman. Interesting.
Once Ona had handed me off to her companions, she angled her body back the way we’d come.
“I’ll find our leader,” she said. “You wait with these fine individuals. I shouldn’t be long.”
“I look forward to it,” I said.
Mentally, I was already preparing an escape route for if this turned to shit. With eight Zrelnach around me and an unknown number still coming, I’d have to make a bolt for it instead of fighting, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. It was amazing the amount of Ele that one could use around sunset. Its glare was wonderful for concealing bursts of light.
Hopefully, though, I wouldn’t have to run. Hopefully, I could learn who this conspiracy’s leader was and leave with her thinking I’d joined their cause. I’d love to bring Aramar good news tonight.
With Ona gone, I waited in silence with… what role did these Zrelnach play in the conspiracy? Guards for their leader? Eight seemed excessive to protect her against one man.
Regardless, I waited, occasionally squinting at the pile of my belongings. Would I have time to collect them if I needed to flee?
When a cluster of people rounded the hill ahead, I blew out a slow breath. With the sun sinking below the horizon, Ele usage would soon go from hidden to blatantly apparent, and I did not want these people learning that I was a primeancer. So, thank goodness this meeting would soon be starting.
Part of the cluster peeled off from the rest, running toward me and my ‘companions’ at double time, and I prodded my mouth into a welcoming smile.
It was a smile that withered as the cluster approached. Numb, I watched two women pull to a stop in front of me, hardly out of breath. Ona joined the other Zrelnach around me, all of whom had shifted into threatening stances, but the other woman sadly smiled, tucking her purple-blonde hair behind her ears.
“Hiya, Rhy,” Ferin said.
Oh, at that greeting, something throbbed behind the ice coating me. I didn’t look forward to learning what it was.
But this explained why so many guards were here. Ferin was perhaps the only person in Ada’ir who knew how good I was with the blade.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
As her already fragile mask of ease cracked further, Ferin clasped her hands in front of her.
“My job. What else?” she said. “I’m removing the biggest threat to Allanovian from the board.”
“So… you are these people’s leader?” I said. “You tried to have Raimie killed?”
How those questions crushed a portion of the hope that for weeks, I’d been growing. It was a small fraction, but their quashing hurt nonetheless.
“I am, and to my great shame, yes, I did,” Ferin said. “I’m the one that you and Aramar have been looking for since the Withriingalm. I’ve enjoyed watching your investigation from afar.”
“But… why?” I shouted, taking a step forward.
One of the Zrelnach moved in front of me with a weapon bared, and I rocked to a stop.
“Why choose now to hurt Raimie rather than in Allanovian, when he was at your mercy?” I continued. “Why act as if you were sympathetic to his cause for so many weeks? You saved his damn life, for Alouin’s sake! Hell! Why are you opposing him at all?”
Behind the Zrelnach protecting her, a wistful smile swept across Ferin’s face.
“Actually, I am not opposing Raimie. I believe in him, want him to succeed in everything he does. He’s a good kid,” she said, “but I can’t listen only to myself. I’m a Councilwoman of Allanovian, which means that the city’s needs take priority over what I want, and the Audish royal family is a threat to it, perhaps the greatest one we’ve faced.
“When you brought him to us, my fellow Councilors advocated for finishing off what Teron had started, like you suggested, but in this case, what almost killed the kid saved his life. Some among us realized that Doldimar’s minions would track that boy to the ends of the earth, and we knew what would happen if one of them visited Allanovian.
“Since our tear repels intruders from the village, we had a little time. So, we put together the army that you’ve traveled with over these last few weeks, although many of them don’t know the full extent of their orders yet. Our job was to draw as many of Doldimar’s minions away from Allanovian as possible, duping the royal family into believing us loyal all the while, before permanently ending the threat to us. Hence, the assassination attempt in the Withriingalm.”
She paused, fixing her eyes on thin air, and I bit my tongue. The longer Ferin talked, the more I learned, information that I could share with Raimie and his family.
“But I like that boy, far more than I should,” Ferin whispered. “Alouin, if I weren’t bound by my duty, I’d follow him to Auden, taking on the Dark Lord with him. It’s why I’ve been so fervent during our lessons. It’s why for so long, I delayed in giving the kill order. It’s why when I found him in sinking mud, I went berserk to free him, starting chest compressions even with my mind screaming that he had to die. That night, I realized I could never see Raimie murdered, not by my hand or my order, so I did the only thing I could. I gave the task to someone else.”
I stopped breathing while my stomach tied into knots.
“You didn’t,” I breathed.
Because there was only one person Ferin could safely give her problem to, only one who could deal with the Audish royal family, only one human Allanovian had maintained friendly relations with.
“I did,” Ferin said. “The next morning, I sent a message to the queen, and Kaedesa was quick to respond. If we’ve gotten our timing right, she and her royal guard should be waiting in Sev for the ringleaders of Ada’ir’s most recent ‘rebellion’, leaving me free to bring my people home. As soon as she gives us permission to go, of course.”
Kaedesa, the queen who’d left the bodies of rebels on display for weeks on end, was waiting for Raimie in Sev. The city closed its gate at nightfall, only opened again at the break of dawn. And the sun was half-hidden by the horizon.
Shit.
“Before you try anything heroic, you might want to wait a moment,” Ferin said. “I’ve brought someone who’s desperate for you to stay.”
Stepping aside, she revealed the other half of her cluster. Two Zrelnach led a teenager toward us by his bound hands. The black cloth under his leathers was ripped in a few places while scrapes coated his exposed skin, and his lip was bleeding.
When he saw me, Dath gasped.
“Don’t let-!” he started.
A Zrelnach buried his fist in the kid’s stomach, and he folded over it, coughing.
Dragging my eyes to Ferin, I said, “You wouldn’t.”
She looked down her nose at me.
“Rhy, I just handed a boy, one I’ve come to view as a little brother, over to a woman who will execute him in the most brutal manner possible,” she said, speaking as if to a child. “What makes you think that I would spare a trainee who’s betrayed his home?”
She turned to Ona.
“If Healer Rhylix leaves your presence, you are to use all of your talents on this failed Zrelnach,” she said, pointing at Dath. “Are my orders understood?”
Ona nodded, and taking a deep breath, Ferin turned away from me, drooping a little.
“I have far too many tasks left to stay here.”
Before she could leave, I called after her with my voice strangled.
“Don’t do this! Please.”
For a few breaths, Ferin held still before shaking herself.
“See you on the other side, Rhy,” she said. “Forgive me.”
She strode away with her head down, and with my heart racing, squeezing, in my chest, I ran through my options, but even as I dragged this process out, I knew I'd only have one choice at the end.
Save Raimie or Dath.
I forced myself to look at the boy. He was staring at a distracted Ona with wide eyes, probably remembering every story he’d heard of her bringing human villages to heel, and I wanted to help him. Gods, how I did.
But my ally was Raimie, and if I was to succeed with my end goal, I needed my ally alive.
How had the creation of collateral damage already begun?
Licking his lips, Dath met my eyes, trying and failing to speak.
On a second attempt, he hoarsely said, “Why are you still here? Go!”
Knowing that for the provocation it had been, the Zrelnach around us tensed, reaching for weapons, and with blurring vision, I leapt into the air, pushing Ele from my feet. The primal force’s added energy had me soaring over my captor’s heads, helping me roll to my feet on landing, and turning my back on the Zrelnach and… Dath, I hightailed it for Sev’s wall.
I had so many things I wished I could tell Dath: that his sacrifice wouldn’t be wasted, that he was a better person than I’d expected, that I was proud of him. But none of this was spoken. It was shoved, along with an upsurge of frenzied panic—
It’s happening again! Gods, why can’t I escape tragedy? Why do suffering and travesties trail in my wake?
—into a small corner of my mind, one resting beside my repressed memories.
Maybe Ferin would decide to spare the kid?
Flying beneath a purple-and-orange-smeared sky, I laughed. Sure, that was a possibility, like it was possible I’d reach Raimie in time.
By the time I’d reached the wall, night had fallen over the world, and despite knowing it would be the case, the city's closed gate had me screaming into a fist, pressed to my mouth.
What was I going to do? It was too dark to use Ele now. If I did, I was likely to get caught, and I’d be no good to Raimie dead or in prison.
If I shapeshifted into a bird, I’d definitely get stuck in that state, given how distracted I was, and if there was a smuggler’s route into the city, I didn’t know about it. When I’d lived here, nothing like that had existed.
I couldn’t get to Raimie. Which meant Dath-
“No.”
Logically, my ally should be able to keep himself out of trouble for one night—
Crazed giggling flew around the fist blocking my mouth.
—considering that he was at least passable with a blade. He also had his primeancy as a last resort.
If he could stay out of Queen Kaedesa’s hands until morning, I could join him and Eledis before getting them out of the city.
So. What else could I do? I’d give what pathetic dregs of help I could to Dath, obviously, but when I inevitably found his corpse, how could I distract myself from another innocent kid’s blood on my hands?
From what Ferin had said, she’d be stabilizing her power tonight. Given that our group was mostly made up of Zrelnach, she wouldn’t find much opposition in it...
“Aramar!”
That man was surrounded by hundreds of hostiles, and he didn’t know it. If I couldn’t help Raimie tonight, I could save his father. He’d be devastated if Aramar died.
So, for the second time today, I turned away from someone who needed my help, speeding back the way I’d came. All the while, I was begging Alouin and anyone else who’d listen that Aramar would be alive when I reached camp.
Chapter 43: A City and the Sea
Raimie
Sev was the strangest place I’d ever seen. To be fair, it was the only human city I’d visited, which might have something to do with the awe I was feeling. I’d thought Fissid was a wonder of civilization, but seeing this place, I knew differently.
So many buildings rose above me, homes and shops alike, and it didn’t matter that only a third of them looked inhabited. It was still evidence of more people than I’d seen in my life.
Then, Eledis led me into a marketplace, and I couldn’t move. People had flooded this open square, rushing about their business or taking a leisurely stroll or pausing to speak with merchants and friends, and so many bright colors assaulted my senses from both merchant stalls and the clothing of passersby. Dozens of conversations merged into a muted roar while the rumble of cart wheels and thunk of dropped crates interspersed it.
I couldn’t get enough of it. This display of humanity was like nothing I’d seen before.
It was also a lot.
At my side, Eledis said, “This is busier than I expected it to be.”
Jumping, I stared at my grandfather. This was the first time he’d spoken to me since the Withriingalm, even when gathering me for the outing this morning, and hearing his voice now was jarring. I wasn’t sure what this meant, whether he’d relented in his silent treatment or not, but I’d take advantage of the opening.
“Why’s that?” I asked.
Slowly turning my way, Eledis examined me for a moment, looking down his nose all the while, and I returned his stare as blandly as I could. With a long sigh, he crossed his arms before looking away.
“In the last few decades, Sev has fallen on hard times. Pirates have attacked the city, blockading Blackwell Bay far more often than they have in the past, and no one knows why,” he said. “Funding the city’s defense has stretched its coffers, which has led to higher taxes, and this has, in turn, seen a mass exodus of citizens from Sev. Hence, why I expected to find most marketplaces deserted here. In the end, though, it works out for us. More people in the city means a greater chance of finding a ship’s captain who will make the crossing to Auden.”
“I see.”
I didn’t know what else to say. Fortunately, Eledis wasn’t looking for much from me.
“We should start asking around,” he said. “I’ll take the city proper. You head for the docks. We’ll meet here when the sun reaches the horizon. Can you handle that?”
An entire day in an unfamiliar place, a city no less, with no one to guide me. Swallowing hard, I focused on keeping my hands from shaking.
“I think so,” I said, marveling at the confidence in my voice.
“Good.”
Eledis rummaged through a pocket, withdrawing a sack from it.
“Take this. It should move things along,” he said. “Careful with it, though. That’s the last of our coin. Don’t throw it away on unnecessary bribes.”
Accepting the sack, I said, “I’ll do my best.”
With a fond smile, Eledis ruffled my hair, which I tolerated with as much dignity as I could.
“You’re a good kid,” he said. “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you lately. Ignoring you as much as I have was a mistake. Maybe once we’re done here, we can stay in a waystation tonight so we can talk some things through. What do you think?”
I thought that my grandfather had waited for far too long to bridge the gap between us, but I wouldn’t tell him that.
“It would be nice to sleep in an actual bed instead of on the ground tonight,” I said, “and I could use a proper meal.”
“And you shall have both!” Eledis said, grinning, “but first, we need to find passage across the Narrow Sea.”
“Naturally,” I said, returning the smile. “So, I’ll see you in a few hours?”
“That’s the plan. Good luck, Raimie.”
Eledis quickly merged with the crowd around us, leaving me wondering what to do. After pocketing my gifted coin, I started wandering, hoping to learn where the docks were located.
In the end, they were easy to find, which made sense. If Sev controlled Blackwell Bay and the bay was the only safe haven from the Accession Tears storms on this coast, of course the city would focus on naval trade. Because of that, a large chunk of its revenue would be devoted to its harbor, making it a focal point.
After taking the road to the bay, I set foot on its docks and couldn’t take a single step more while my mouth went dry. I looked out at branching, sprawling piers and the many ships anchored near them, and a little voice in my head started screaming, although I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe it was the expanse of water behind this view. Maybe it was the type of people who were strolling and running over these wood planks. Gods, their appearances and bearing were so different from anything I’d ever seen!
I didn’t know why I wanted to make the long sprint back to camp after observing everything in front of me, but the voice screaming in my head was making it difficult to think.
When someone jostled me, I snapped out of it, rapidly blinking at something I shouldn’t fear, before shaking myself. What had that been?
As I joined the flow of foot traffic in front of me, a creepy-crawly sensation still skittered over my skin. One would think that after the last few months of life-changing revelations, another mystery wouldn’t affect me, but it did.
It was why I fumbled my way through my first few interactions with sailors and their captains, but soon enough, I was making enquiries of them with ease. Even still, I was laughed at more often than not. Most people thought I was either pulling a prank or had lost my mind, and each rejection had me using a sharper tone with the next group I approached.
Halfway through the afternoon, I’d made it down one side of the dock, leaving only a few more ships to check. Idly, I bypassed most of these, noting their sailors already loading cargo onto them, but one, a sloop anchored off of a secluded pier, caught my eye. With no activity around it, its captain would make a likely candidate for what I wanted, but as I headed toward it, someone stepped into my path.
“I hear you’re looking for passage to Auden.”
I frowned at the tanned man in front of me, wondering why he seemed familiar.
“I am,” I said. “How do you know about that?”
The stranger flashed a smile.
“Word about something like that travels quickly here,” he said. “If you’re interested, my captain would like to talk specifics for making the journey with you.”
A jolt rushed through me, although I did my best to hide my eagerness.
“I’m interested,” I said. “Where’s your captain?”
“In the city at the moment,” the stranger said, “but she won’t be long. We could wait for her on her ship.”
He gestured toward the seemingly abandoned sloop, and cocking my head, I narrowed my eyes at it.
Was this a good idea? I was already far away from other people. Did I want to further isolate myself, potentially putting myself in danger? Or was that paranoia talking? After everything that had happened recently, I found it difficult to trust unknowns.
But I’d never get anywhere if I didn’t.
“That sounds good,” I said.
I followed the stranger up the sloop’s gangplank, and we headed toward the captain’s quarters. Once there, the stranger held the door open for me, and I stepped inside.
The change in lighting briefly blinded me, but when I could see, I found myself in a small cabin with colored-glass windows looking out over the harbor. A bunk was shoved against the far wall while a desk had been bolted to the floor, and I’d started toward it when an arm was dropped over my head.
It pressed into my neck while a hand on the back of my head pushed me further forward, and I managed a choked cry before my airway was cut off.
And all the while I was berating myself for not trusting my gut. Stupid, stupid…
Squirming and raking my fingernails on the arm holding me did no good. The stranger stood firm even as I blindly stomped for his feet.
I only got a reaction when I reached for Silverblade. Freedom was mine for half a second, but then, force twirled me around until my face was smashed into a wall.
A stabbing ache in my nose kept me from taking advantage of my opening. I could only woozily acknowledge my escape before I was caught in a chokehold again.
With panic lacing into the energy surging through me, I reached behind my head, desperately grabbing for a hand. While pinching the skin between the stranger’s fingers, I wrenched on what felt like a thumb, but nothing happened. The stranger didn’t even flinch.
As my vision narrowed to pinpricks, I was left with seconds before I was at this man’s mercy, and the panic lapping at me took over, letting instinct reign supreme. I wasn’t sure what I did, but pure power came crashing through me, raw and exhilarating. When I jerked on that held thumb this time, something cracked.
With a restrained hiss, the stranger released me, and gasping for air, I stumbled for the door. I flung it open, catching a glimpse of the uniformed woman behind it before she moved. As she spun, her foot collided with my temple.
I felt the closest to complete that I ever had in my life. The emptiness, ever within me, had almost filled, but this glorious sensation was negated by the fact that my hands were bound together, and after what had happened in the waking world…
Yowling, I thrashed against what was holding me, desperate for freedom. I kicked with my dangling legs, hoping to hit something, hoping to hurt whoever had captured me.
But the only other person in my nightmare realm was…
“-imie! Please, stop,” Nylion was shouting with a choked voice. “You will knock us off!”
As I realized who I’d been fighting, I went still, and reflexively, I buried my face into the surface in front of me, one that was warm and firm and smelled like home. One that was moving in time with my companion’s elevated breathing rate.
Jerking back, I barely stopped myself from making the movement rough. What was going on? Where was I? Why was Nylion-?
Finally, I registered my surroundings. The unnerving walls of the well rose around me, and I was hanging from Nylion’s shoulders, which should have had me asking a host of questions. Instead, I glanced between my feet, finding the ground far below us. Damn, it would hurt if we'd fallen, even if we’d also have survived it.
“You’ve made progress,” I said.
“Yes, well,” Nylion grunted.
Quietly swearing to himself, he tugged on my arms until they were in a position where he could free my wrists.
“What else was supposed to do while you were dealing with real world problems?” he continued. “Sit around, waiting for you to return?”
“That doesn’t seem like you,” I said.
“Exactly,” Nylion said. “Now, would you kindly get off of my back? I did not take the strain of your weight into account when starting this climb.”
Carefully, I clambered over Nylion with both of us grumbling at each other. When I latched onto the wall, numbness spread up my arms from it, but this time, the feeling was made infinitely worse by the return of my emptiness, something that only happened when I was no longer touching my friend. Strange, that.
“So, why are you here this time?” Nylion asked, starting to climb again. “Did you forget to take a sleeping tincture again?”
Wincing, I pulled myself level with my friend.
“Unfortunately, no,” I said. “Someone attacked me again, but I don’t think they want me dead, considering I’m not seeing colors in the sky.”
Nylion turned the opening of his hood toward me.
“Care to elaborate?” he drawled.
I gave him an overview of what had happened, answering his questions when he had them. At some point during this, we stopped climbing, dangling by our fingers and toes from a substance that shouldn’t exist, and after I'd finished the tale, Nylion was quiet for a time.
When the silence became too much for me, I asked, “Have any suggestions for me?”
Nylion ducked his hood, sucking on his lip for a moment, before facing me again.
“You should let me handle it,” he said. “I can be fast and efficient. You would be back with Eledis before you are supposed to meet him, so he will never know that something went wrong. It would be like when w- you were a kid.”
“You did get me out of plenty of scrapes back then,” I mused before turning serious. “How would we do that, though? This isn’t like when I’d get lost, and you’d help me find my way home with your whispered directions. You’re my imaginary friend. You can’t change things in the real world.”
Nylion just stared at me, and this went on for long enough that I started adjusting my hold on the wall.
“Do you trust me?” Nylion asked.
Thinking back on everything this manifestation of my mind had done for me, I could only nod.
“Then, TRUST me,” Nylion said.
“Ok,” I said in a small voice, shrinking on myself.
Why did I feel like I’d just been scolded?
Nylion jerked his hood in a single nod.
“You will have to hold me for a time,” he said. “Can you do that?”
Could I bear another person’s weight from this far up? Could I have Nylion that close, pressing my body into the wall?
Suddenly, my heart was pattering far too quickly while my throat had closed, and I had to clear it several times to remove the blockage.
“I can try,” I said before jerking my chin behind me. “Hop on.”
Slowly, Nylion shuffled onto my back, and only after we’d both stopped shifting did I notice that the hole in my being had been filled again. I opened my mouth to comment on it when Nylion spread his fingers in front of my face.
“You will have to keep me in place with your own strength,” he said. “Unless you have gained the ability to touch what once pinned you to the floor?”
Wincing, I circled my fingers around Nylion’s wrists.
“I won’t be able to do this for long,” I said.
“Then, I will be quick,” Nylion said with his lips brushing my ear. “Do not drop us.”
Shuddering with a gasp, I didn’t notice the addition of weight on me until it had nearly peeled me off of the wall. After scrambling to maintain my hold, I hissed hot air between my teeth. Gods, my muscles were already close to failing.
“Oh, for the love of…” I said before clinging more tightly to inky black. “Hurry up, Nylion.”
Chapter 44: Surfacing
For the first time in years, Nylion emerged into the world. He took a moment to enjoy it, breathing in fresh air with a tang of salt in it, but then, his head banged into something, flaring pain beneath his skull, and he remembered why the real world sucked.
When he opened his eyes, he found himself at an awkward angle. The narrow confines of a ship’s hall were skewed from their typical up and down, and from the unyielding surface he was bouncing on, he’d guess that he was hanging over one of his assailant’s shoulders. Since he didn’t know where the other one was, he decided to bide his time.
“This doesn’t bother you?”
From the rumble transmitted through his perch, Nylion determined that this voice belonged to the man carrying him.
“What do you mean?” another, higher-pitched voice asked.
“You know what I mean,” the man said. “She had us attack him, the boy she doted on in years past.”
“True,” the woman said, “but like you said, that was years ago. We don’t know what’s changed since then.”
The second assailant was ahead of them. With her located, Nylion was prepared to free himself, but he waited, hoping for a better opportunity.
“It still feels wrong,” the man said. “I trained him, watched him grow up. How am I supposed to stand idly by while he’s taken to Daira for execution?”
“You’re following orders,” the woman said. “That’s all you need to know.”
The man stopped short with his shoulders heaving.
“You don’t understand. His potential… he could have been the greatest spymaster that Ada’ir has ever seen, and we’re supposed to accept, without question, that he’s a rebel based on the word of an Eselan?” he said. “I can’t do that to little Raimie.”
There was a pause, but then, Nylion’s perch rocked back and forth, as if shaken.
“He’s not little Raimie anymore. Get your shit together, Bryruned,” the woman said. “I’ll make a circuit of the docks. When I get back, I expect our traitor to be in the brig with you standing guard.”
She brushed past, quickly disappearing, but Nylion was too caught on a thought to pay her departure much mind.
Bryruned? Hell, this man’s identity would make the next part more difficult.
They started moving again, and with every bang of his body into a wall, Nylion suppressed a yelp, although doing that wasn’t especially difficult. He’d suffered much worse than this before.
A door creaked open, and when Bryruned lowered Nylion from his shoulders, he rolled with that momentum, reaching his feet in the same moment he hit the ground.
He didn’t stop to enjoy the shocked look on Bryruned’s face, instead darting out of the cell while throwing its door shut behind him. When a loud clang failed to reach his ears, he assumed that Bryruned had gotten to it before it had closed. This had him put on a burst of speed.
Fortunately, the sloop followed a layout that Nylion was familiar with, so he quickly reached the main deck, sprinting for the gangplank. He was nearly halfway there when an arrow thunked into the wood, several paces in front of him.
“Stop!” Bryruned shouted. “Don’t make me put one of these in your back.”
Slowly, Nylion raised his hands before turning around. As warned, Bryruned had an arrow pointed at him with the bowstring half drawn, and when he met Nylion’s eyes, he blinked with his features tightening.
“Well, look at you, all grown up,” he said before shaking his head. “What are you playing at, Raimie? First, you act like you don’t know me and let yourself get ambushed. Then, you almost escape me, something that you used to struggle with. What’s going on?”
Nylion wasn’t sure how to go about this. After so long trapped alone, he was more than a little rusty when it came to… well, everything, but out of every skill he’d once had, talking was definitely the weakest. Considering how shit he’d been at it before, that was saying something.
He’d only just gotten comfortable speaking with Raimie again, and Raimie was Raimie. How did one converse with others?
Fortunately, the tinge of hostility infecting the air helped to loosen his tongue, familiar with that sensation as he was.
“Nothing is ‘going on’. Last I checked, I was running an errand for my grandfather, and you attacked me,” Nylion said. “What the hell?”
Ugh. Speaking in the singular still felt wrong, setting his stomach bubbling like a tincture in a cauldron. Some of that unease must have translated through the expression on his face because Bryruned narrowed his eyes, scowling.
“You. Running an errand. For Eledis,” he said. “Yeah, I don’t buy it.”
“I do not care if you believe me. It is of little importance,” Nylion said. “Let me repeat. You attacked me, and now, you are keeping me here on threat of death. What. the. hell?”
Shrugging, Bryruned said, “I’m following order, same as you. Or as you used to do at least.”
“Yes, well. Children are susceptible to blindly doing as they are told,” Nylion said.
Inside, he was reeling. If Bryruned was here on orders, that meant Auntie was probably here too. Why? Was it because of Raimie’s family?
No. It had to be a coincidence.
But why else would she be in Sev? Maybe she was negotiating with the city state’s mayor, pressuring them into joining Ada’ir again. That fit her personality well.
But Bryruned had said that by attacking Raimie, he’d been following orders. So…
“Does Auntie know I am here?” he asked.
Why not be direct with this? It couldn’t hurt anything, could it?
“You know I can’t answer that question,” Bryruned said.
“Which means that she does,” Nylion said.
Shit. This changed things. Fucking godsdamn…
Still cursing in his head, Nylion did his best to show off a rueful grin, despite the pangs of guilt and grief already running through him.
“Well, if she wants to see me, I will have to oblige her. It is not like I can run,” he said. “So? How should we do this? I assume you will want me in the brig until she returns.”
“Can you blame me?” Bryruned said. “If I put you anywhere else, I’d be risking a lot.”
Shaking his head, Nylion patted at the air above his head.
“I understand. You have to do what you must,” he said. “I will stay in place so you can put shackles on me.”
Wincing, Bryruned nodded.
“That might be best,” he said.
Slowly, he approached Nylion with his bow ever at the ready, but once he was close enough to draw a blade, he let the string go slack, pulling a set of shackles from his pocket.
“Hands,” he said with a wave.
Just as slowly, Nylion lowered his arms in front of him, displaying his wrists, but before Bryruned could secure him, he slapped his hand to the other man’s chest.
“I am sorry,” he said.
With his features hardening, Bryruned dropped the shackles to reach for his sword, but Nylion already had a weapon at hand. Dark energy pulsed from him, carving through Bryruned’s chest, and with a pained grunt, his essence fled from his body, turning it boneless. Before it could hit the deck, Nylion scooped it up and over his shoulders.
Striding to the sloop’s railing, he tossed the body overboard. The noise from the dock covered up the splash.
For a long while, he stared at that patch of the ocean’s surface, absently drumming a finger on the railing’s wood. He couldn’t decide if this was yet another thing he must keep from Raimie.
On the one hand, the Raimie he’d known would have understood what Nylion had done. He’d see why Auntie shouldn’t know that he’d been on her ship. He’d see that, in his current state, he wasn’t ready to face her. Unless things had changed, the danger from that meeting alone could spell his end.
But that was the thing. Nylion wasn’t sure if this current Raimie was his Raimie—the implications of which he still obsessed over when he was alone—and this version wouldn’t get it. He wouldn’t know how easily Bryruned would have escaped any restraints that Nylion could have put on him, and if that had happened, the man would have run straight for Auntie. He wouldn’t understand that by making Bryruned disappear, Nylion had been painting a picture of yet another soldier’s desertion. Instead, Raimie would focus on the sacredness of all life rather than on his own safety.
And that was Nylion’s primary purpose in life: keeping Raimie safe.
So, Nylion wouldn’t tell him what he’d done or would soon do. It would be better that way, no matter how much it would eat at him in the coming days.
Slapping his hands on the railing, he told the water below, “I wish there had been another way.”
Then, he hurried to find a hiding spot for when the woman returned to this sloop.
Chapter 45: Ruined Plans
Raimie
All I could consider in the moments after waking up was the dull throb behind my eyes. I tried to scan my surroundings, vaguely recalling a sense of danger from before, but my head wouldn’t let me, making me clutch at it until the pain had faded enough for me to think.
When I could, though, I sat bolt upright, going for a knife, but… I was alone. Houses crowded the alley around me, and a pile of rubbish was sitting within touching distance, but the people who’d attacked me weren’t here.
So, what had happened?
Carefully, I got to my feet, expecting all sorts of aches and pains, but I felt fine. So, the attack hadn’t been a random beating of a gullible boy, pain inflicted for the fun of it, and this thought made me chuckle. What had my world become to make me think something like that was possible?
When I patted down my body, however, I quickly discovered what my assailants had wanted from me. The sack of coin that Eledis had given me this morning was gone. That would be fun to explain.
Sighing, I trotted to the alley’s end, making a face when I saw the sun near the horizon. There went any hopes of recovering the coin.
I made my way back to our designated meeting spot, fully expecting a berating, at the least. More likely, Eledis would stop speaking to me again, but I couldn’t do anything to change that. I might as well get it over with.
My dread doubled when I saw him waiting for me. He was tapping his foot with his arms crossed, scanning the marketplace with a piercing gaze, and when he spotted me, he tossed his hands to either side before coming my way.
“Where have you been?” he growled when we met. “I’ve been waiting for ages.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I-”
“No, never mind. I don’t need an explanation,” Eledis interrupted, lifting a hand. “Did you have any luck?”
Struggling to keep my face neutral, I said, “No. Everyone I talked to seemed resistant to our proposed trip.”
Loudly sighing, Eledis pinched his nose.
“I experienced the same,” he said. “How I wish we could just go to Marcuset…”
Eledis clicked his teeth together, dropping his hand, but despite my rampant curiosity about a name I’d never heard before, I kept my expression placid. I’d learned over the years that showing a lack of personality was the best way to deal with my grandfather when he got like this.
After examining me for a moment, Eledis relented.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just…”
“Frustrated?” I finished for him. “I don’t blame you. It’s been an irritating day.”
Grimacing, Eledis said, “Thank Alouin it’s over. Oh, well. Let’s find ourselves a waystation, shall we? Although… I’ll take my coin back, if you please.”
He extended a hand, and I shrunk on myself.
“I don’t have it,” I said in a small voice.
After a beat of quiet, Eledis drawled, “Why?”
Shuffling in place, I hugged myself, warding off my grandfather’s displeasure.
“I was mugged. I think,” I said.
Slowly, Eledis lowered his hand.
“Are you hurt?” he gruffly said.
Shaking my head, I said, “Just a minor headache.”
I said not a word about my nose, still fiercely throbbing. I’d already gotten hurt too often on this trip, and that had stressed my family enough.
As hoped, tension leaked from Eledis.
“Thank Alouin for that,” he said.
He took my elbow, guiding me to somewhere quiet, and once there, he dropped his hold, spinning on me.
“Tell me what happened,” he said.
So, I did, although a strange sense of déjà vu settled over me while I spoke, and Eledis got paler with each word. By the time I was finished, he was sucking on his lip, looking over the rooftops around us.
“Damnit, ‘saya. Why do you always make things more difficult?” he said to himself before focusing on me. “We should leave Sev. Hopefully, we can get out of here before sundown.”
“Why before sundown?” I asked.
I didn’t dare question our sudden need to leave.
“Because after that, we’ll be stuck here,” Eledis said. “Less talking, more running.”
As we hurried down streets, people shouted curses in our wake, but while I cringed at these, Eledis didn’t seem to care about them.
When we reached the square that bordered the gate, however, he backtracked, grabbing me by the tunic to drag me out of sight, and once hidden, I slapped at the hand holding me.
“What is it?” I said. “See someone you didn’t like?”
Leaning around the corner, Eledis said, “You could say that.”
He was silent for a moment, watching something in the square, but eventually, he clicked his tongue, facing me.
“Unfortunately, we won’t get back to the others tonight,” he said. “We should find a quiet corner and wait for morning.”
“Ok…” I drawled. “Why can’t we walk out the gate now? From what I saw, it’s still open.”
“We just-”
Eledis glanced over his shoulder.
“We just can’t, all right?” he said. “When it comes to getting us across the sea, a lot of pieces are in play, more than you know, and this is one of them. You have to trust me.”
Trust a man who’d lied, for years, about who I was. Alouin, but that would be difficult.
Taking a steadying breath, I nodded.
“Good. Now, we should get off the streets,” Eledis said. “Her spies are probably all over the place, and even if they’re not the members of her Hand, they can identify us. Probably. Ugh! I hate dealing in uncertainties.”
He scrubbed his scalp with a growl.
Watching this, I hesitantly said, “I saw a waystation a couple of streets back. We could spend the night there.”
Lowering his hands, Eledis glowered at me, but it seemed more fond than irritated.
“You really want that bed you mentioned, don’t you?”
With a smirk, I said, “It would be nice.”
Eledis barked a laugh, slapping a hand over his mouth once done. When no one came running toward us, he shook himself.
“Let’s get you one, then, shall we?” he asked.
The waystation that I’d suggested sat off the main thoroughfare, but it was so squished between buildings that it was easy to ignore, and its exterior façade looked shabby, which wasn’t helped by its dim interior. Just inside the entrance, a portly man sat on a stool behind a counter, and when he beckoned for us to enter, Eledis stepped forward, accepting the role of haggler.
I was left free to wander, although I didn’t go far. Making the owner of this waystation antsy didn’t seem like a good idea.
As I made a circuit of the waystation’s dining room, I reviewed the day’s events, storing the host of new mysteries that I’d accrued without a hint of frustration.
Snorting, I shook my head. If the Raimie from a few months ago could see me now, he’d be baffled. Comfortable with his predictable life, he’d probably be a mess right now, like he’d been on learning he was royalty.
It was funny how time and circumstances could change people.
At some point, I should probably make a decision about this quest I was on instead of coasting along, letting others make my choices for me, but…
Not yet. Tonight, I’d fix my relationship with Eledis, something a few mugs of brandy should handle. Tonight, I’d sleep in luxury, even if I had no sleeping tinctures to help with that. Tonight, I’d eat a well-prepared meal, not the unappetizing rations of the road.
Speaking of which, I should find out what my options for dinner were.
As I returned to the front of the waystation, I noted Eledis still negotiating with its owner before the door to the outside opened—
“-worry, gray eyes. This is the last one on this street.”
—and four people strode inside, three of them in an outfit similar to the people who’d mugged me earlier. The other one was in a set of black, leather armor.
A Zrelnach.
She was still glaring at the humans behind her. They were, of course, laughing at her expense, so as subtly as I could, I caught Eledis’ eyes, jerking my head toward the newcomers, and when he saw them, he tensed. As he backed toward the closest source of cover, I followed his example.
We weren’t fast enough. Sniffing at the other three, the Zrelnach warrior turned to examine the room, and when her gaze landed on me, the briefest of grimaces passed over her face.
Pointing at me, she said, “Gentlemen, one of the men you’re looking for.”
The others in the group snapped their attention to me while the Zrelnach got out of their way. Then, three men were advancing on me with their swords drawn, and I froze.
What was I supposed to do? Fight? With the current odds against me, that seemed like a bad idea, but surrendering didn’t seem wise either.
Maybe I should run?
From behind, Eledis slammed something into one man’s head, dropping him, and just like that, I didn’t have another option. This had become a fight.
Chapter 46: An Angry Queen
Raimie
The fight didn’t last long. I fended off two questing stabs at my innards, noting with surprise that the Zrelnach warrior was standing on the sidelines, before a host of additional enemies flooded into the waystation.
As soon as I could, I dropped Silverblade, raising my hands above my head, but that didn’t stop the man I’d been fighting from shoving me into a wall. While I panicked over whether I’d ever be able to breathe again, another man checked on his unconscious companion before spinning on the Zrelnach woman.
“What the hell?” he roared. “Some elite warrior you are. You just stood there while we were fighting!”
The Zrelnach warrior blinked at him for a moment, as if making sure he was finished, before crossing her arms.
“Don’t assume I’m one of you. I’m not. I am a citizen of Allanovian, a city whose independence your queen has recognized,” she said, “and my only orders were to identify these two for you. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“You bitch,” the man growled.
With his hands raised, he took a step toward her, and when her stance shifted, I forgot how little air my lungs had regained.
“I wouldn’t attack her if I were you,” I wheezed. “She could kill you without breaking a sweat, and none of us want that.”
The man who was pinning me slammed my face into the wall, and burning heat in my already injured nose formed tears in my eyes.
“Shut up,” the man growled.
“No, he’s right. You shouldn’t punish him for speaking the truth.”
I looked for the woman who’d joined the conversation, but all my watering eyes would allow me was a glimpse of a chestnut mass on top of a person-shaped blob.
“Your Majesty,” several people murmured.
Your Majesty?
“Hmm. They’re not what I expected,” the newcomer said. “I’m glad I was nearby when you found them. Jeme, love, can you take our prisoners into another room? Search them for weapons. I must prepare myself for an interrogation.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” the Zrelnach warrior said.
“The rest of you can wait outside.”
The blob moved past me, and soon after, the pressure on me relented. Wincing, I gingerly touched my nose while scrubbing my eyes.
“I think it’s broken,” I said to myself.
“It definitely is.”
Jerking my head up, I kept my face still at the sight of the Zrelnach warrior holding my grandfather by the elbow. Behind her, uniformed people were filing out of the waystation with its owner watching them go.
Poor man. Such unneeded chaos we’d brought him.
“Will you make me drag you along like Eledis here, or can I lead the way without that hassle?” Jeme asked.
I wouldn’t leave my grandfather here, and she knew it, but still, I nodded to show my agreement. She took us to a guest room, leaning against its door once we were inside.
“Disarm,” she said. “Leave your weapons on the bed.”
Even as I started doing as she asked, I lifted an eyebrow.
“Silverblade?” I asked. “I assume it’s still where I dropped it.”
Nodding, Jeme said, “I’ll get it. Make sure it’s left in good hands.”
“Thanks.”
What else was I supposed to say? I had a pretty good idea about what was happening here—context clues were everything—but I couldn’t be sure, and I desperately wanted to be wrong.
Because of that, I couldn’t know how deeply Jeme’s betrayal ran or if she’d even betrayed my family in the first place. I’d love to straight up ask her, but I didn’t want to anger a woman who could easily end me-
“Are you with the faction of Zrelnach plotting against us?” Eledis said.
Oh, Alouin, he’d straight up asked. Pausing, I glanced at Jeme, unsure what I’d see.
Indifference, apparently.
“I am, first and foremost, loyal to Allanovian,” she said. “If our Council has designs against you, then I have them as well.”
“Ha! A likely story,” Eledis said. “One or two people on your precious Council might want us dead, but they could never get the majority needed to authorize something like this. You’re working on your own, meaning-”
“Eledis! Stop,” I hissed. “Loyalty isn’t something to laugh at, even when it’s used against you. You can’t pick and choose when to value it, not if you expect people to stay loyal to you as well. Now, would you please finish? We should get this over with.”
Glaring at me, Eledis withdrew a final set of knives as slowly as possible before spreading his arms wide.
“Acceptable? Or do you need to pat me down?” he asked.
As if a Zrelnach wouldn’t notice if we’d kept a weapon on us. Indeed, Jeme left without a word, and grumbling under his breath, Eledis followed her to the dining room.
Before I could join him inside, Jeme stopped me, softly gripping my arm. Ignoring the unpleasant prickles running from that point of contact, I frowned on seeing her chewing a lip. She was conflicted about something?
“Thank you for stopping that man before I had to hurt him,” Jeme said, “and…”
While her throat worked, I became painfully aware of how hard she was fighting to hold my gaze.
“I wanted you to know that if there was ever a cause or person that could change my loyalty, it would have been fighting for Auden’s freedom and for you,” she said. “I would have happily sworn myself to you, Raimie, if you’d asked.”
Releasing me, Jeme retreated a step so she could bow to me—which was horribly disconcerting—before hurrying away, and for a moment, I was left staring after her. That had been…
Shuddering, I put Jeme and the idea of people becoming my vassals far from mind, focusing on my very real danger instead.
Even unwatched as I was right now, I didn’t try to escape. By now, hostiles would be guarding the waystation’s exits, and I seriously doubted that I could slip past them. So, I did the only thing I could: stride confidently into the dining room.
I stopped short on seeing the room’s occupants, though. Eledis, already seated by the fire, was no cause for concern, and the two men flanking the chair opposite him weren’t terribly surprising but the woman in that chair…
Slouching, she had her feet propped on the table with her hands folded on her stomach. She was wearing a tunic, jerkin, and breeches, all tight and formfitting, all the apparel of a peasant or merchant, but I knew that face.
Those sharp, green eyes watching me; those delicate features, littered with freckles; those chestnut curls, barely draping over her shoulders. This was Queen Kaedesa of Ada’ir, and her presence here meant that Eledis and I were thoroughly fucked.
Twisting her lips into a crooked smile, Kaedesa beckoned me forward, and I woodenly marched to her, dropping into the only chair left available. For a while, the queen merely watched us, so still that I could swear she’d turned to stone.
The entire time, I fought to keep from fidgeting, hoping to be as stoic as Eledis. When Kaedesa lowered her feet, removing her gaze from us, it came as a relief to me until the slap of them to the floor had me jumping, and for some reason, that made her chuckle. Resting her elbows on the table, she folded her hands in front of her face.
“Gentlemen,” she said, “I have questions.”
After a pause, Eledis said, “Anything you might want to know, we’re more than happy to explain, Your Majesty, but I’m not sure how interesting you’ll find it. My grandson and I live simple lives.”
Kaedesa smiled sweetly at him, but something about it had me backing as far as I could into my chair.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “I’d love to learn why one family has raised and marched an army across the breadth of my kingdom.”
Oh… shit. I knew what Kaedesa was thinking. When the last rebellion had thrown Ada’ir into chaos, I’d been old enough to remember it in vivid detail.
When it had been over, my family had received a summons to Fissid, and along with the townspeople, we’d watched the rebellion’s ringleaders paraded down the road behind the royal guard’s horses. I remembered the putrid scent of the corpses that had trailed some of them.
Those memories had me opening my mouth, probably to say something stupid, but Eledis preempted me.
“We’re not staging a rebellion, Your Majesty. My family is leading an expedition to Auden,” he said, “but I know how unbelievable that claim will sound, so let’s cut to the chase. I’m sure both of us would rather spend as little time here as possible. So, what will it take to prove our intentions, if anything can?”
Frowning, Kaedesa said, “Why would you make that deadly trip? There’s nothing of value in Auden anymore unless…”
Her face went carefully blank.
“You want me to believe that you mean to fight Doldimar?” she asked with her voice dead.
“That is our plan, yes,” Eledis said.
I couldn’t retreat any further into my chair, but hell, how I wanted to. The way Kaedesa was looking at Eledis and the glance that her guards had shared…
The Queen of Ada’ir burst into laughter, folding onto the table after a moment.
“That’s… the… most… ridiculous lie anyone’s ever told me,” she gasped.
After a moment more of helpless chuckling, Kaedesa straightened, wiping her eyes, and when she lowered her hands, I caught my first glimpse of the regal bearing that I’d expected from a royal.
Then, her eyes landed on me. Perhaps they softened when they did, but by that point, I’d ducked my head, letting the squirming that I’d restrained manifest. Why was she looking at me?
“I suppose I can give you the benefit of the doubt,” Kaedesa said.
With my head jerking up, I was caught in a gaze that was familiar…
Why was meeting her eyes so comforting to me, and why now?
“You will come with me to Daira,” Kaedesa pronounced. “While on the way, I will ponder your question, Eledis. I’ll have an answer for you by the time we arrive.”
Standing, she gestured to her guards.
“Have them brought to my sloop,” she said. “I’ll join you after I’ve met with the helpful, little bird who told me about this disturbance in my kingdom.”
I could swear her eyes twinkled as she’d said that last bit, but she was gone too quickly for me to verify that.
The trip to the harbor passed in a blur. I caught bits and pieces of what Eledis was muttering to himself, things like ‘set back the timeline’ and ‘need to speak with Marcuset’, but for the most part, I ignored him.
When I returned to myself, I was surrounded by iron bars while a slight sway in the floor rocked me. A brig, I presumed.
Eledis was huddled in a corner, gently banging his head on a wall.
“Why, ‘saya, why, ‘saya?” he was saying on repeat.
Seeing this, I rubbed my face, growling into my hands. We were on our way to Ada’ir’s capital on the ship of its queen. Not only that but its queen was known for her vicious nature toward traitors, which she suspected us of being. Oh, and my only ally was currently useless.
Hell. For a moment, I wanted to join Eledis in banging my head on something because…
Gods. I might have to save us this time.
Interlude 2.1: The Beginning
Eriadren
As I wandered through the ruins of a human village, I searched for survivors, although I couldn’t move as stealthily as I should. The last few hours had left me numb, drifting in a fog. Only my orders kept me on my feet, and I had to carry them out. I had-
I'd had to!
Muffled sobbing drifted from behind a pile of rubble, and with my heart in my throat, I eased toward it, raising my sword. Crumbled stone gave way to a woman, crouching over the body of a child with her shoulders shaking.
I should creep up on her and slit her throat, finishing the work that my unit had started here, but I couldn’t. I lowered my sword until its tip scraped through the dirt, and the woman spun to her feet with her face twisting.
“Unlike what the priests have told us, Alouin never vanished into the ether,” she calmly said. “His spirit may have left us, but his body didn’t. It is, in fact, in our insignificant city.”
That… wasn’t right. This woman had screamed and cursed me to a lifetime of torment. Why-?
A pounding sound filled the air around me, and at it, the woman walked toward me, lifting my blade until its point rested against her chest.
“You know the stories about Alouin, Eri. How he healed near instantaneously from his wounds. How he couldn’t die,” she said. “I want to find Alouin’s body. I want you to study it, and if we can, I want to transfer these abilities to Rafe. Will you help me?”
I didn’t understand. Why would this woman say these things? Why were those words so familiar?
The pounding of the world, of my heart, grew more insistent. Baring her teeth, the woman thrust herself forward, driving my blade through her chest, and an anticipatory silence fell. In it, the woman grinned at me while her voice echoed in my ears.
“Don’t follow through on something else you’ll regret.”
Gasping, I bolted upright while slapping my hand to my chest. I skittered my eyes over a darkened bedroom, landing them on where Lirilith was lying beside me.
I didn’t know how she was still asleep. She usually woke up when I had bad dreams, much like I did for her, but she did so most especially for the nightmares about the massacre.
Reaching out, I brushed her hair out of her face and almost jabbed a finger in her eye when raucous noise burst in the air around me. Someone was knocking downstairs.
While I forced my lungs to start working again, I remembered the promise that I’d made yesterday. Slinking out of bed, I donned my clothes, wincing at every slam of my friend’s knuckles on wood. As I hurried downstairs, I cursed under my breath, and when I yanked the door open, I ignored his raised fist.
“If you’ve woken Lirilith up, I will poison you, Arivor,” I hissed. “I don’t care how high up the social ladder you are.”
Pouting, Arivor said, “You’d kill me?”
“Any poison that I gave you wouldn’t kill you, and you know it. I’m too good with them,” I said, rolling my eyes. “What do you want?”
Twisting back and forth, Arivor scuffed his foot on the ground.
“Oh, I don’t know. I thought I’d steal the priests’ most prized possession and possibly get mangled in the process,” he said. “Want to come?”
He gave me the brightest smile that I’d seen from him in months, but all I could hear was the voice from my nightmare.
“Don’t do something you’ll regret.”
Shaking it off, I returned Arivor’s grin.
“You know I do,” I said.
“Excellent!” Arivor said.
Clapping his hands, he stepped off of my home’s stoop.
“How should we do this?” he asked. “We could enter through the front doors or through the temple’s side entrances. What do you think?”
When I caught up, I flatly stared at my friend.
“Why are you asking me?” I said. “I’ve never been to that ghastly building.”
My relative ignorance only made Arivor laugh.
“Oh, this’ll be fun,” he said.
I certainly hoped so. I hoped I wasn’t making the biggest mistake of my life, but a tiny voice inside whispered that I was.
Getting into the temple turned out to be less difficult than expected. The vast majority of its guards were soldiers we’d known during the war, people who were more than willing to look the other way while we walked by, and of the few who weren’t, Arivor only had to glance at them to make them scramble out of our way. If he held himself the right way, his resemblance to Councilman Reive was uncanny.
Once we’d made our way into the inner sanctum, Arivor and I became more cautious. This deep into the temple, priests littered the hallways, and neither of us wanted them questioning us.
They didn’t seem to care about our existence, too lost in their ‘important business’ for that, and while normally I might find this insulting, I was grateful for it today.
All too soon, we reached the final checkpoint between us and our goal, but on seeing the holy guards ahead, people who’d been raised from birth to protect this one place in the temple, I pulled Arivor into a side room.
“How are we getting past them?” I asked. “The Council probably won’t take note of you wandering around the temple today, but they will check up on why you went into their most sacred of spaces.”
“I don’t know,” Arivor said. “I honestly didn’t think we’d get this far.”
Huffing, I glanced at the doors.
“Well, you’ve always been better with strategy, so you’d better come up with something,” I said. “Preferably before one of those guards comes to check on the suspicious individuals who just ducked out of view.”
“All right, all right. Give me a minute.”
Chewing on his thumb, Arivor assumed the distracted look he always wore when he was planning, and I fought to keep my foot from tapping. After a moment, he sharply nodded—“Right!”—before pulling his tunic over his head.
I turned aside to give him privacy, no matter that I’d seen him undressed plenty during the war. A lot of his surveillance plans had included shape change, and that magic type almost always ended with the user’s apparel shucked.
“I’ll cause a distraction. Once the guards are gone, you sneak in and figure out how to get what we need. Thinking on your toes is something you’re better at, after all,” Arivor said. “I’ll give you as long as I can, but to be safe, get out of there by the count of two hundred. We’ll meet back here.”
When I snapped my head toward him, my friend was laying his neatly folded clothes on a chair.
“That’s a shit plan, Arivor,” I said. “If you cause a ruckus, how will we get out of the temple?”
“We’ll figure it out then,” Arivor said while rubbing his eyes. “It’s the best I can do right now, Eri. If you want to back out, I wouldn’t blame you.”
That offer only stiffened my spine.
“I’m not backing out. Fuck you for thinking it,” I said. “I’ll do anything for Rafe.”
With a small smile, Arivor said, “And I love you for that. May we die only when we must?”
“Only when we must,” I said.
Over the course of five heartbeats, my friend transformed into a golden-haired monkey, and it raced into the hall. When screaming started a few seconds later, I couldn’t resist. I poked my head out the door, slapping a hand over my mouth to stop my laughter once I had.
Monkey Arivor had wrapped himself around a guard’s face, scratching and biting them. Once he had the group’s attention, he jumped to the floor, racing out of sight with the holy guards hot on his literal tail.
I began my count. No matter that it felt like a waste of my limited time, I waited until I’d reached ten before racing down the hall. Slipping through the door at its end, I eased it closed before scanning my surroundings.
Although richly decorated, this octagonal room was small, maybe fifteen paces across at its widest. Starting at the door, stairs led up to a rectangular dais, and on this sat a waist-high display, draped in white cloth.
A man was lying there.
Hurrying up the stairs, I didn’t let myself think about who this was. I merely judged his proportions, deciding whether I could bear his weight.
For a moment, I considered simply taking samples from him. I’d brought vials and a syringe with me for just such a purpose, but why take a piece of the subject when one could have the whole thing?
Only as I stood over the man was I walloped by what I was doing.
He looked rather plain, this final hope of ours. Salted brown hair framed a soft face with crinkles at the corners of his closed eyes.
He was asleep with his chest rising and falling in an even rhythm, and this, more than anything, struck me dumb. If the stories about him were true, then this man was thousands of years old. He should be long dead.
Shaking my head, I shoved my arms under him, throwing his body over my shoulders. What a waste of a thirty count.
Once I’d returned to the room where I’d started, I propped my cargo against a wall, refusing to look at him as I paced. Was Arivor ok? Had he escaped from the people chasing him?
Right as I'd resolved to go after him, a beetle flew through the door’s crack, expanding to a man as it reached the floor. Gasping, Arivor stumbled to lean on a wall, and I hurried to him with his clothes.
As he took them, I said, “All right?”
“I will be,” Arivor said. “Shaking off an animal’s mindset might not be difficult for me, but the energy drain this time was…”
When he fell silent, I gave him a moment before asking.
“Bad?”
“Understatement,” Arivor said.
Great. That meant I’d be in charge of any further magical expenditures, and given my lack of talent with that, it could be disastrous. Unfortunately-
“I have an idea for how to get out of here,” I said, “but it’ll involve a lot of illusion work.”
“Eri, I don’t think I can-”
“I’ll handle it. Illusions are the simplest of magic,” I said. “I’ll just need help with him.”
I pointed to where I’d left the man, and on seeing him, Arivor went still.
“Is that…?” he breathed.
“Alouin? If your intel is correct, yes,” I said. “Reverence later, Arivor. Escaping this place first. Help me get him on his feet.”
As we threw one of his arms around each of our shoulders, I winced in anticipation of the magic I’d be using.
“With the guards still distracted, getting away from their holy of holies shouldn’t be difficult. Once we’re in the main temple, though, we’ll need to act like we’re a trio of friends, having a good time. Can’t exactly make these arms disappear and I’m stumped for another way to explain them,” I said. “And disrespecting the temple should fit with the typical noble’s personality, considering their firm belief that the rules don’t apply to them.”
Clicking his tongue, Arivor said, “You think that too, Eri.”
“Yes. But I’ll happily admit to that.”
When Arivor glared at me over Alouin’s head, I stuck my tongue out at him, and he rolled his eyes.
“We should get out of here before the holy guards realize that their prey has vanished,” he said.
“Yeah. That seems wise.”
Making a face, I applied my illusion to Alouin. Covering a person with an animated facade like I was doing was one of the most complex types of illusion work, and combined with the role I was playing, it kept me from paying much attention to our rush out of the temple.
Fortunately, Arivor was creative enough to get us past any difficulties we encountered and smart enough to have a carriage brought to us once we were outside. He nudged me after we’d finagled our way inside of it.
“We’re good.”
After I’d dispelled my illusion, a wave of exhaustion crashed over me, one that had black lapping at the edges of my vision, but I managed to stay awake. Once I’d rallied, I found Arivor sitting beside me, raptly staring at the man sprawled opposite us.
He was still deeply asleep. Mentally groaning at the many hours I knew were coming, ones where I’d have to deal with my friend’s belief in our people’s greatest superstition, I poked him in the side.
“Hey.”
When he turned to me, I smirked.
“We just stole a god from his temple.”
And Arivor cracked up laughing, falling against the carriage wall.
I watched this with a soft smile. Whether studying Alouin’s body got us a cure for Rafe or not, seeing my friend freed from his troubles for the first time in almost a year was worth all of the danger I’d braved today.
Interlude 2.2: The Beginning
Eriadren
After Lirilith and I had gotten married, we’d pooled our resources to buy a house in the merchant’s district. It wasn’t much—a narrow, two-story building with little to differentiate it from its neighbors—but it was ours, an oasis from the scorn that we daily faced.
There was a garden in the back, Lirilith’s domain. I loved listening while she tended to her plants, addressing them in the same way she’d done with her troops during the war. It was very her.
But in this garden was a shed, my haven in our oasis.
Lirilith didn’t have the same disdain for science as the rest of the empire, but it didn’t much interest her, which would be fine if my indulgence in its study hadn’t been such an inconvenience at first. After a month or so, spent dealing with various experiments spread across the kitchen table, she’d had our old friends build the shed for me, adding a few modifications to the project at my behest once I’d found out about it.
So, here was where I messed with science, although Lirilith liked to be somewhere nearby when I did that. In the past, I’d had too many accidents for her to be comfortable otherwise. Here was where Arivor and I had brought Alouin’s body after stealing it.
When we’d lugged it through the house that day, we’d frozen on encountering my wife in the sitting room. Neither of us had expected her to be home, but she’d merely taken a sip of her tea, lifting an eyebrow at us, and said not a word. She’d gotten used to the antics of ‘her boys’, as she called us, long ago.
She was also the only reason I’d left my shed over the last week, tempting me outside with home-cooked meals and promises of soft pillows and her.
I was ever grateful to her for watching the shop while I’d been busy. Lirilith might not be as knowledgeable when it came to the healing arts, but she’d picked up some first-aid techniques during the war. That, combined with her natural charm, should be enough to keep the shop running for a while.
At least, I hoped it would be so because I was having no luck with my testing. At first, I’d tried a few, minimally invasive things with this current experiment, squeamish about poking around the insides of a dreaming man. We couldn’t know if he felt pain, and I hadn’t been sure if the rumors about his healing rate were true.
But the cautious approach had yielded nothing, and Arivor, by my side throughout this, had started acting… cranky, letting his desperation show itself. So, I’d moved on.
After that, we’d learned that the stories about Alouin were true. Half of my time spent messing with his body, I’d been racing to stay ahead of its ridiculous healing rate. Even still, I’d managed, systematically going through its many different parts, but I’d been at that for days.
This afternoon, I’d be sticking a needle into the filling of his neck’s bones. As I prepared for this, my stomach, lurching beneath my ribs, kept reminding me that I’d made the mistake of eating breakfast this morning, and I couldn’t help feeling like I needed to bathe. In between checking my various instruments, I scrubbed my arms, aware of Arivor watching me.
He was perched on the table where we’d lain Alouin’s body, sitting beside its head with his feet swinging, but this casual pose didn’t match the grim aura hovering over him. It was making my already rattled nerves flare more strongly.
We needed a distraction.
“Have you heard anything from your uncle about our trip to the temple?” I asked.
“No.”
Well, that had changed nothing. Maybe I should attack the source of my friend’s gloom, no matter how much that might scare me.
“How’s Rafe?” I asked.
This question got a reaction. Hopping off the table, Arivor stormed to me, grabbing my wrist so he could slap a syringe into it.
“Stop stalling,” he said. “Let’s get started.”
I held still until he let me go before speaking.
“I know you’re stressed right now, but don’t touch me like that. It’s not ok.”
Swallowing hard, Arivor squeezed his eyes closed.
“I know.”
He rubbed his face.
“I’m sorry. It’s just Rafe… he hasn’t gotten out of bed for a week, and even when he’s in it, he can barely move. He hasn’t kept any food down for two days.”
Dropping his hands to his sides, he worked his jaw for a moment before opening his eyes, letting a solitary tear roll free.
“He asked me to make it stop last night, Eri,” he whispered.
Shit.
I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I could say to help Arivor, so I spoke not a word. Closing my fingers around the syringe, I marched to my subject, rolling Alouin’s body so that it was lying face down.
“You’ll have to support his head, otherwise I might mess up the angle on this,” I said, glancing at my friend.
Nodding, Arivor wiped his eyes before hurrying to me. He did as I’d asked, and I sucked on my lip, considering where I should start.
I’d need a tissue and fluid sample first. It was what I’d done with every body part we’d tested, hiding them in case the subject was taken from us.
These samples lay in the bolt hole that led out of this place. It was one of the modifications that I’d asked my wife to include during the shed’s construction, knowing that sooner or later, our neighbors would come after Lirilith and me with pitchforks.
Getting the needle into the neck bone properly would be difficult. I’d never done it before and for good reason. Every medical text I’d read—both those from a tear and from the time when Alouin had walked among us—advised against penetrating the spine this high, recommending an entry point much lower. Doing it here could have severe consequences.
Which was partially the point. I needed to see how many ways this body could heal itself.
Given that, I supposed it didn’t matter how clumsy I was with this. Once I was finished, we’d begin the laborious process of peeling apart skin and breaking bone to reach the tissue within. I could get a sample then.
So, I jammed the syringe into my subject’s neck, only careful to avoid bone, and when I did, something besides candlelight flared inside the shed. Startled, I jerked the needle out, and that artificial light died.
Breathing hard, I met Arivor’s eyes. Besides his healing, that had been the first unusual reaction we’d gotten from my subject, and it made me cautious.
“Eri, is this…?” Arivor started. “Do you think-?”
“Maybe. We’ll find out,” I said, “but first, I’ll put Lirilith on standby, in case this blows up in our faces.”
“Smart,” Arivor said. “Hurry it up, then!”
Grinning, I bounded to the door, sucking in a breath as I yanked it open.
“Lirili-!”
"By the stars, you’re loud.”
My wife frowned up at me from where she was kneeling beside a garden bed.
“What do you want, most obnoxious and wonderful of husbands?” she asked.
“I’m about to do something hazardous for my health,” I said, forcing solemnity into my voice. “Thought you should know.”
Turning back to her task, Lirilith waved a pair of gardening shears overhead.
“I’ll be out here, listening for screams, then,” she said.
Hell, I loved her.
Returning to my subject and my friend, I lifted the syringe.
“Ready?” I asked with a mischievous grin.
Was he ready for a chance at a cure? Was he ready for the likelihood that this chance was as empty as the others? Was I ready to face another of the world’s marvels, to unravel it until it was mine to understand?
Arivor jerked his head in a nod, and once more, I sank the needle into my subject’s neck.
And nothing happened.
Groaning, I leaned my elbows on the table, dragging my hands over my face, while Arivor held perfectly still.
“Great. Just great,” I said. “Another dead end.”
At least, it seemed that way now. I’d have to poke at this part of my subject a little more before I could definitively declare it useless for our goal, but from how things had been going for us so far, I didn’t think much would change between now and then.
Arivor woodenly rounded the table to flop against its leg, jostling it. On the tabletop, the body jumped, making its hand slip over the edge, and when that appendage landed, it was wedged between the back of my friend’s head and the table’s leg.
If he found the touch of a living-dead man disturbing, Arivor didn’t show it. He stared into nothing while all of him was loosened with defeat. I’d never seen him like this, not even during our short captivity with the humans during the war.
“My son is going to die, and nothing can change that,” he said, surprisingly calm. “I should never have hoped for something else. Every time we think we can cure him, the possibility gets ripped away, and I can’t do it anymore.”
How did I pull him free of this despair? He was my best friend, and he was hurting, and I had to fix him. That was what healers did, right? Fix what was broken?
“I know it’s hard, Arivor. I do, but you have to hold onto hope for a little while longer,” I said. “I’m not finished with this body yet. Until I’m done, can you hold out? Please?”
Slowly, Arivor rolled his head until he could see me, almost letting the hand on him slip free, and I suppressed a shudder.
“What else is left?” he asked.
“Oh, a handful of grisly bits and pieces,” I said, “and I need to wrap up this part.”
With a half-smile, I flicked the syringe, still sticking out the body, and Arivor’s face went slack. His eyes emptied of his presence before he toppled to the side.
For a precious few seconds, I was stuck staring at this scene with my bewildered brain trying to figure out what had happened, but then, I was on my knees, rolling my friend over.
He looked dead. I’d seen enough corpses to know what it looked like when someone’s essence had left their body, but although that visage was what shrouded my friend—oh stars above, Clariss was going to kill me—he was still breathing.
Like Alouin was.
In a haze, I hauled Arivor upright, pinning Alouin’s hand behind his neck once more. Precariously holding this arrangement together, I flicked the syringe again, but as when I’d inserted it for a second time, nothing happened. Grabbing the end of it, I jimmied it back and forth, dragging its needle in a circle.
When white light collected around the hand that I’d pinned, I paused, but Arivor didn’t move, so I continued with my breathing going ragged. Had I killed my friend?
Well… he wasn’t dead, but in many ways, that might be worse. Had I- had I done this to him?
Coughing jarred the stream of my frantic thoughts while the hand behind Arivor, still filled with light, lifted to slap on the table. Much slipping and sliding occurred first, but the body on the table… Alouin pushed himself upright.
For a brief moment, I lost my hold on the world. The next thing I knew, I was on the other side of the shed with Arivor behind me, and Alouin had his hands lifted, frowning at one full of light and the other filled with darkness.
“What on earth?” he said.
A distracted look overtook him, and when focus returned, he widened his eyes to saucers.
“Oh, fuck. Why are those sequences initia-?”
Grunting, he curled on himself with a continuous string of curses spilling from his mouth. As if pushing against something solid, he brought his hands together at an agonizingly slow rate, gritting his teeth, and when they came together, a pained whine filled the shed.
At it, I scooted Arivor and myself further back, glancing toward the door. I didn’t think we could escape from here unnoticed, not with my friend in his current state. Instead, we thunked into a wall, and my already abused heart skipped a beat when the candle on a nearby table almost fell to the floor.
What was I doing? I should keep my eyes fixed on the- the god in my shed.
When I found him again, though, I squeaked. Gray mist, or maybe fog, was jetting from Alouin’s hands to a point in front of him, one where the air was doing something that I couldn’t quite comprehend, but it made my head hurt.
Almost, I looked away from this point. Before I could, though, the stream of mist causing it trickled to a stop. With it gone, Alouin limply fell to the table, flipping over it to tumble onto the floor.
Meanwhile, at the place where the mist had stopped, the air… shattered, and a hairline crack appeared. It expanded until it had made a pinhole, and streams of black and white flowed toward it from Alouin. Around the pinhole, the black trickle formed an oval while the white bits outlined this shape.
And the shed was still.
Interlude 2.3: The Beginning
Eriadren
Now that things in my shed had gone quiet, I was stuck in place with fear singing in every part of me. Fear worse than the moments before a battle. Fear worse than facing down an empire’s leader.
Lirilith hadn’t come to help me and Arivor, but I couldn’t blame her for that. To this point, everything had been relatively quiet, or as quiet as my typical experiments went. She probably thought that everything was fine and dandy in here.
When Alouin stirred, I stopped breathing. He got to his feet, quickly locating the oval.
“Damnit, this iteration didn’t need another one of those.”
Continuing to swear, he kneaded his arms one at a time while looking over his surroundings.
And his eyes landed on me.
Swallowing hard, I tried to smile. It must not have come off well because Alouin stormed toward me with a grumpy look carved into his face.
“Is this your work?” he asked. “Hell, this is what I get for trusting Max and Wye with my body: some primitive forcing me into it again. Damn. I was doing something important…”
Standing over me, he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Where am I, and what did you do to me?”
My mouth was left flapping. I knew I should answer Alouin’s questions, but I couldn’t force my focus away from a single point of interest.
“For ships’ sake, man, speak up!” Alouin snapped.
Licking my lips, I pointed at his chin level.
“Um. You have a…” I said. “My syringe?”
“What?”
Furrowing his brow, Alouin patted at the back of his neck—
“Oh.”
—before pulling my syringe free. To my surprise, he returned it to me without a change of expression, rather than breaking it as I’d expected.
“That explains why I was stuck here,” he said. “Hell, you’ve messed with my sequence organization, but since I’m not using this body, I suppose it doesn’t matter.”
And finally, finally, my dumb, piece of shit self realized something that I should have considered from the second Alouin had woken up.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I- I have no right to speak with you after what I’ve done-”
“Debatable,” Alouin interrupted. “After everything I’ve suffered in my life, this was merely an inconvenience. But please. Do go on.”
Frantically, I found the trailing thread of my thoughts.
“My friend has a son who’s sick. Dying,” I said. “That’s why I was experimenting… is there any way you’d help me heal him? I know it’s a lot to ask.”
I didn’t know if I could figure out Arivor’s situation on my own, not any more than I had with Rafe’s at least, but I doubted I’d get more than one favor, if that, from this man, especially when he should be punching my face in.
Rafe needed the help more. If he were here, Arivor would understand. He’d probably kill me if I wasted this chance on him.
Cocking his head, Alouin examined me with narrowed eyes.
“I’ve seen a lot of miserably sick kids in my life, accompanied by their desperate parents,” he said, “but never a parent’s friend who’d go so far to help, especially alone. Where’s this kid’s mom, dad, or guardian?”
“Um…”
I was saying that a lot.
“He’s here, actually.”
Scrambling to my feet, I dusted my hands off, glancing over my shoulder with pinched lips.
“Something happened while-”
“Shit.”
That curse had been so quiet I almost didn’t hear it, but when I turned back to Alouin, he was eyeing my friend with anguished fascination.
“It’s that time, is it?” he said before turning his gaze on me.
What I saw there chilled me to the core.
“And here you are, the perfect sacrifice,” he said.
“…I’m sorry?” I said.
“I’m afraid that’s my line,” Alouin said. “You’re coming with me.”
I took a step back, banging my hip into something.
“Wha-?”
Alouin placed a finger on my forehead, and the world wrenched. When I could see again, dizziness made me cling to my knees.
I wasn’t in my shed. Instead, I was standing on a thin, gray line, running in front of me until it met the horizon, and when I looked behind me, the same was true. On one side of this, the world became a never-ending landscape of glowing white, or I assumed it was never ending. It was hard to tell. No colors differentiated the ground from the sky, and the same was true on the other side. The only difference between the two sides was that instead of spotless white, black night blotted out the world on my right.
Ahead of me, Arivor was lying with half of his body in the gray while the rest had disappeared into black. I tried to run for him, but a grip on my tunic’s neckline had me stumbling into Alouin, who pushed me upright.
“It’s true, then,” he said. “Daevetch has an avatar.”
“Daevetch?” I asked, trying to catch my breath.
Alouin answered me, but I didn’t hear what he’d said, too transfixed by the fingers of night that were creeping up my friend’s chest. What was that?
I didn’t like it. Something about it shivered disquiet into me, and so, tightening my lips, I again tried to reach my friend.
This time, Alouin’s tug on my wrist sent me sideways, twirling me until my back was to the white landscape. Facing me, the god dug his fingers into my shoulders.
“Do you love your friend?” he asked.
What kind of question was that?
“I would do anything for Arivor,” I said. “If it were needed, I would die for him.”
A tension that I hadn’t noticed before leaked from Alouin, even if his shoulders also drooped.
“And you will,” he said. “Many, many times.”
Many…? How did one die more than once?
“I’m so sorry.”
Before I could register what was happening, Alouin placed his hand on my chest, and with a pulse of light, I was sent flying, tumbling on landing. I was on my feet as soon as I could roll to them, sprinting for the gray line. If the black on Arivor had made a primal part of me hiss, then I could only assume this white light would too.
When I reached the line, however, Alouin was waiting for me with roiling night coating his arms.
“Don’t,” he said. “You’ll only hurt yourself.”
I sneered at him, making to step into gray, but Alouin pointed down the line.
“Look at your feet and then, your friend,” he said.
Reluctantly, I glanced down, shuddering on seeing a sheet of white rising up my legs. Arivor, on the other hand, was completely covered in black.
“He was already lost,” Alouin said. “This way, you’ll have one another.”
“What does that mean?" I shouted.
But Alouin was gone, and I was alone, keeping perfectly still until white light swept over my head.
When a jolt ran through me, I knew I was in my shed, even without looking, but that was mostly because I banged my hip into the table at my back.
The one that had had a candle on it.
My eyes flew open, and I watched while, as if in slow motion, the candle rocked off of the table, falling onto Arivor’s face. In a heartbeat, I was on my knees, plucking hardened beeswax free, but the damage was done.
The candle had landed with its wick on Arivor’s cheek. Its flame had made a red circle on his skin, one that would scar, and molten wax was drying in spatters and rivulets everywhere else. Painful, a bit disfiguring, but nothing like what we’d endured during the war.
He should still be screaming.
When I focused on Arivor, though, I found the same empty expression there.
He hadn’t returned yet. Was he coming back?
A quick check confirmed that Alouin had vanished, so I couldn’t ask him these questions. I’d have to wait, then.
Sitting on my heels, I touched Arivor’s cheek. I should get a salve for this, but no matter how much I wanted to treat my friend’s wound, I couldn’t leave his side. I had to know what he’d seen in that other world. I had to know that he was ok.
It should have been me. I’d knocked the candle off of the table. I’d flicked the syringe that had seen his essence fleeing his body. It should be me.
At this thought, heat bored into my face, spraying in pinpricks around its entry point, and with something between a yelp and a howl, I slapped my hand to it, which only made the pain worse. Of course.
I didn’t have the presence of mind to appreciate my idiocy, though, too busy hunching on myself and quietly hissing.
Even with my focus on the sting lancing my cheek, a crackle and pop teased at my ears while a concerning smell tickled at my nose. The smell of something burning.
I hadn’t put the candle out before tossing it aside.
Gasping, I straightened, meaning to put the fire out, when something familiar and unexpected slammed into me. An energy drain.
Dumbly, I swayed in place. Why was this-? I hadn’t used magic!
Another one walloped me, letting black eat into my vision, and somehow, I screamed for help before crumpling. As the world drained to pinpricks, Arivor’s face came into focus. He was still gone, his essence flown to that other world we’d visited, but…
No burns marked his skin.
Then, I was out like a light.
Interlude 2.4: The Beginning
Eriadren
I took a breath with sunlight bathing my body, and for a while, I just lay in bed, tracking dust motes in the air above me. I was waiting for my brain to catch up, letting whatever it was hiding from me flow through the cracks, and when I remembered, I sat bolt upright, falling onto my elbows when the room started spinning.
Arivor! He needed my help.
When I rolled out of bed, I ended up falling instead, and the crack of my body on the ground was loud in the quiet.
Ow.
Now that I thought about it, my surroundings hadn’t reminded me of home, and whatever I'd been laying on definitely wasn't my bed. In fact, I was pretty sure it was-
“Familiar, isn’t it, Eriadren? Years ago, you lay here, recovering after saving my nephew from thieves. Now, look at the two of you.”
Just who I’d always wanted to see after waking up from a near death experience: my mortal enemy.
“Reive,” I growled.
Bracing for pain, I pushed myself off of the floor, all while glancing around the healing house, and was surprised by how normal I felt.
Normal? I was positively glowing with health, which wasn’t something I should show around the man glowering at me.
Swallowing hard, I asked, “Is Arivor…?
“He’s alive. Went home about an hour ago. Some sort of emergency at home,” Reive said.
“Well…” I said, shakily sighing. “That’s-”
“I wasn’t finished,” Reive snapped. “Arivor will be scarred for the rest of his life because of your stupid experiment. Ruining his reputation wasn’t enough for you, was it? Well, I hope you’re happy because you’ve certainly made your mark on him now.”
But… there at the end, before I’d lost consciousness, I could have sworn that the burn marks on my friend’s face had gone.
I needed to talk to him so we could compare our stories, and then, we should figure out what had happened.
Had I actually woken Alouin up? What had he created in my shed, and by the stars, what had that place of light and dark been? What was Daevetch?
“Was it you two who stole from the temple?”
Jerking free of my contemplation, I blinked at Reive for a moment, first wondering why he was still here and then, controlling the panicked gibbering that I wanted to unleash. Instead, I smirked, playing the part of the deriding asshole I’d always been around him.
“Something was stolen from the temple?” I said before clicking my tongue. “If that gets out, it won’t reflect well on the Council.”
For a while, Reive just stared at me, but when he opened his mouth to speak, someone interrupted him.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Lirilith. By the stars, how that woman saved me.
She advanced on us with a hint of the regal air that she’d abandoned long ago, looking down her nose at Reive.
“If I find out you’ve been less than pleasant to my husband, Councilman, there will be consequences,” she said. “I still have friends in the capital, friends who owe me, so unless you want to see what sort of punishment I can devise for you, you’ll kindly get the hell out of here.”
Despite the amused front he was raising, Reive couldn’t hide the brittleness of his smile.
“I’ll do that,” he said. “While I’m here, is there anything I should tell your father when next I see him?”
Stepping into Reive’s personal space, Lirilith peeled her lips back.
“Fuck you,” she breathed. “That’s for both of you.”
With a half-smile, Reive said, “I’ll be sure to relay your message.”
But he stalked away, ridding us of his nasty presence. Lirilith sat on the edge of my bed, taking my hand with pinched eyes.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
After glancing around for eavesdroppers, I leaned toward her.
“Perfect,” I said. “Better than I ever have, in fact, which is a bit troublesome.”
“How so?” Lirilith asked.
For a moment, I hesitated. I’d like to share my fear: that my perfect condition had something to do with a place of white and black, but what if she thought I was crazy, suffering from delusions after a brush with death?
In the end, though, I couldn’t keep it from her. She was my wife, after all.
“I’m sorry that I’ve kept this from you,” was what I ended on. “I wasn’t trying to. It’s just… you know how I get when I’m engrossed in a project.”
“Completely oblivious to anything but it? Yes, I know,” Lirilith said, “as I’ve known that you’ve been in one of your moods for a while now. And before you ask, I believe you. Arivor was acting… strangely before someone retrieved him.”
“Reive mentioned that an emergency had come up at home,” I said before pausing. “How is he?”
My voice was quiet, but still, Lirilith heard the question, tightening her hold on me.
“Not good, Eri,” she said. “If you’re feeling as recovered as you say, we should visit him. I’m worried. He’s-”
She bit her lip, pulling her hand out of mine.
“Before he left, he was acting like he did in the weeks after we massacred that human town,” she said.
“Shit,” I murmured.
Lirilith nodded, and I threw my legs over the cot’s edge.
“If that’s true, then we need to leave this place,” I said. “Now.”
A few healers tried to stop us as we left, insisting that I needed bed rest, but I pushed through them, and they couldn’t stop us. No one had been able to stop Lirilith and me once we’d put our mind to something.
Once we were outside, I shelled out the coin needed to hire a carriage, wanting all the speed we could get. Lirilith and I were silent on the ride there. Sitting opposite one another, we leaned forward to clasp each other’s hands.
Soon enough, we reached Arivor’s estate, hurrying over the pathway to his front door. When I knocked, a manservant answered it.
“Ah. The master said you might be coming,” he said, sneering at me like he always did. “I’m to show you to him, although why he wants to see you at this difficult time is beyond me.”
Difficult time?
“Is Clariss here?” Lirilith asked, stepping over the threshold.
“Yes, Your Eminence. She’s with the master.”
Rolling her eyes, Lirilith waved for the manservant to take the lead before sharing a worried look with me. With Rafe’s illness having driven them apart, Clariss and Arivor couldn’t stand to be in the same room right now. That they were together now was concerning, and this worry deepened when we turned onto the hallway that Rafe’s room led from.
Rushing around the manservant, I sprinted for where I knew Arivor would be. After banging the door open, I took in the space: Clariss quietly crying in a corner, Arivor holding his son’s hand to his forehead, Rafe lying pale and still in bed.
And I thought the worst had happened, releasing a silent wail from deep inside of me.
Then, the boy’s chest rose and fell—such a shallow inhale—and the air in my lungs rushed out of me.
The adults in the room turned to face me as I inched inside, but I had eyes only for Rafe. Arivor said something I didn’t hear, and I barely made out Lirilith, rushing to her friend, while lowering myself onto the bed.
Beside me lay a boy that I loved as if he were my own, and hesitantly, I brushed a knuckle over his cheek before resting my hand on his shoulder.
This wasn’t fair. Rafe was too young for this to be happening. He should have years ahead of him, not hours as he did now. His face blurred as I considered all the things he’d never do.
He wouldn’t attend school or go on adventures with his friends. He wouldn’t fall in love or Join with someone. He wouldn’t have children of his own, if he wanted them.
And the world would never experience his brilliance.
It wasn't fucking fair!
When I lowered my face, burying it in the boy’s chest, I might have started soaking his clothes with tears. I wouldn’t know, too caught up in my own self-loathing to notice.
This was my fault. If I’d found a cure, this wouldn’t be happening. Rafe would be running around the house, doing all the things that little boys did.
By the stars, I wished I could take this from him. It was what I deserved. If a way existed for me to suffer this illness instead of him, I would do it because-
From out of nowhere, the energy that I’d enjoyed since waking up was sapped from my body, and I couldn’t think past the nausea that had taken hold of me. Somehow, I pushed myself away from Rafe before spewing vomit all over the floor, and I tumbled off the bed.
My head cracked on something.
The lights went out.
The next thing I knew, Lirilith and Arivor were hovering over me with pinched faces, and on actually seeing my friend, I winced at the deplorable bandaging that was covering half of his face. The scent of lavender… or something equally as useless strongly hovered around him.
“Why the hell did you let someone do that?” I asked, slurring my words a bit. “You couldn’t wait for someone competent to treat you?”
Chuckling, Arivor said, “He’s all right.”
While he sat back on his heels, Lirilith took hold of my head, turning it every which way.
“I thought you said you felt fine,” she snapped. “If you have a concussion, you should have stayed in the healing house.”
Shoving her hands away from me, I sat up, massaging my temples.
“I promise you, love, I’m fine,” I said before lifting my head.
And at what I saw, my mouth went dry, which had me forcing my words out.
“Pretty sure the fainting wasn’t because of a concussion.”
On the tail end of this, a sleepy voice said, “Uncle Eri? What are you doing here?”
Arivor was on his feet faster than I’d thought possible, spinning toward the bed.
Where Rafe was sitting up with a healthy glow to his skin. He ran his eyes over the adults in the room, frowning.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “Why are all of you here?”
Having gained my feet at some point, I lifted an arm in front of Arivor to keep him from running to his son. Was this truly safe yet, or were we about to barrel into another tragedy? Best not to let my friend get closer until we knew what was happening.
Meanwhile, Clariss was slowly turning into a hyperventilating puddle in her corner, and Lirilith moved toward her, absently patting her back.
“Hey, buddy,” I said with numb lips. “How do you feel?”
Cocking his head, Rafe said, “I feel…”
His eyes went wide.
“I feel fine. I feel…”
“Better?” Lirilith gently asked.
But Rafe wasn’t listening. Carefully, he climbed out of bed, testing his ability to stand, before jumping in place, and a giggle spilled from his lips.
“Not sick,” he said before glancing at me and his father. “I’m not sick."
Arivor made the smallest whimper beside me, and I couldn’t hold him back anymore. While he raced to hug his son, Clariss scrambled to join them, and I met Lirilith’s eyes.
What had just happened? Had I done this?
I saw the same questions reflected in my wife’s eyes, although fear was there too.
It wasn’t meant for me, though. What would this superstitious, stuck-in-its-ways city think of Rafe’s miraculous recovery?
Arivor extended a hand toward me, waving for us to join them, and we did, if slowly. By the time I’d reached my friend, though, I’d pushed worry aside. For the moment.
I hugged Rafe, ruffling his hair and laughing when he made a face at me. For a while, we five people were transported to a wondrous place of joy, where anything could happen, and we reveled in it.
But at some point, I caught myself staring at Arivor’s bandaged cheek. If I was right and I’d been the cure for Rafe, why was Arivor still injured? If my little miracle hadn’t stuck for him, would Rafe regress too?
When I peeled my eyes off of his cheek, Arivor was looking at me.
“If you’re worried about… that, I’m pretty sure you don’t need to,” he quietly said.
“What? Why?”
Again, Arivor shook his head.
“We need to talk. Later.”
“Yeah,” I said. “We really do.”
Interlude 2.5: The Beginning
Eriadren
"I'm worried about Rafe."
With the day almost over, I was sitting in bed, waiting for Lirilith to join me. She was taking a long time in the washroom tonight, long enough that my thoughts had once more turned to the anxiety that had been eating at me in the months since Rafe's recovery.
It hadn't been too bad at first. People had reacted to something they'd consider 'unnatural' with unexpected stoicism, but tensions had been rising in the city lately. Despite the thrashing we'd given them a decade ago, the human kingdoms had once more moved against the empire. Rumors of another war were rife in the city, which had people on edge, and this had started eroding Rafe's protections.
"That boy will be fine, Eri. He has people looking out for him, and his status as a noble will make anyone think twice before hurting him," Lirilith said. "So, stop worrying. Tell me how your research went today."
Groaning, I thunked my head against the wall. Shortly after the accident, Arivor and I had compared notes about what we'd experienced on the day in question, but unfortunately, my friend hadn't been able to add much to what I'd already known. Considering he'd been unconscious throughout those events, his ignorance hadn't surprised me, but from the smattering of disconnected memories that Arivor did recall, one thing had stood out.
Unlike the strange circumstances that had left me in consistently perfect health, Daevetch, the substance that had infected Arivor, wouldn't let him heal. Fortunately, it ignored small things like bruises or stubbed toes, but anything more, like burns, would stay present for the rest of his life.
When Arivor had woken up in that place of darkness and light, this delightful fact had been the only thing that Alouin had shared before sending him away, like the god had with me.
My healing tick didn't work on him either. We'd learned that the hard way.
Since then, Arivor and I had spent every free hour scouring the city for information about Daevetch. We hadn't found much, just vague or useless facts, and I was getting frustrated with our lack of progress. In a sick way, I was glad now that it had taken so long to find a cure for Rafe. That struggle had taught me the value of having patience when a search for answers looked endless.
"Well?" Lirilith asked.
"Can we please not talk about it?" I said. "I don't want to think about the accident or the burns on Arivor's face or any of it. Not here."
"Why not?"
For a moment, I was lost for words. Was she serious?
"Because this is the only place where I can drop all my cares and worries," I said. "Because this place is safety, somewhere I can focus completely on-"
"Me?" Lirilith interrupted.
Standing in the entrance to our cramped washroom, she was leaning one shoulder against the doorframe, but as she smirked at me, I couldn't focus on what that look might mean, not after I recognized what she was wearing.
It was her uniform from the war, but she'd removed the medals that typically hung from it, and the jacket's top buttons were undone. With her hair pulled into a messy bun, a few strands—
The exact same ones. By the stars, how had she remembered that?
—had fallen around her face, and she'd painted her lips and eyes.
The clencher, however, was the necklace peeking from beneath her neckline. Lirilith only got that piece out for the most serious and special of occasions. It was all she had left of her mother.
Looking at this ensemble I was struck by a sense of déjà vu, one so strong that it transported me to the years of the war. On the night Lirilith was evoking, we'd camped near the battlefield, too tired to flee the cries of the dying and the smell of those already gone. She'd received new orders a few hours previous, and after she'd shared them with us, I'd crawled into my bedroll, dreading the next day.
Right as I'd been drifting off, I'd heard a voice outside my tent. When I'd lifted the flap, I'd found a twin of the woman before me now, and she'd said-
"May I come inside Sergeant Eriadren?" present-day Lirilith asked.
Licking my lips, I scooched backward in bed, remembering one of the best nights of my life.
"Of course, commander," i said, echoing a past version of myself.
Lirilith stalked forward, crawling over our bed sheets until she was sitting in front of me. Hesitantly, she brushed my cheek, and I leaned into it, exactly and I'd once done.
"Are you ok?" she asked.
And again, I felt the urge to look away from her, although the cause was different now.
"I'll survive," I said.
Again, Lirilith smacked the bedding beside me, drawing her face into the fiercest of expressions.
"That's not good enough," she said.
As my cajoling urge insisted, I looked away, focusing on the sword that I kept propped int he corner of our room. It was a much better sight than the blood-stained blade that had once lain at the head of my bedroll.
"What do you want me to say, Lirilith?" i said. "Should I talk about how terrified I am, both for myself and Arivor? What if I can't keep him safe, like I promised? Should I share how I won't sleep tonight, too eaten up by guilt to find dreams?"
Hell, it was uncanny how well those words fit my present-day circumstances too.
"I understand," Lirilith said.
And here, she'd paused. And here, I'd silently begged for her to say. I hadn't been sure what I'd do if she'd left me alone in that cold tent.
When her voice burst on my ears, as sharp as it had been back there, I almost smiled instead of reeling away, as our reenactment required.
"You're not the only one feeling these things, asshole," Lirilith snapped. "All of us are, but if we're to survive this war, we must help each other with them. So, help me, Sergeant Eriadren, by letting me help you. At the least, I can fix the last thing you mentioned."
I couldn't help but smile now, even if I kept my eyes fixed on my sword.
"I don't know..." I said.
By the stars, I'd tried to project uncertainty into that phrase, mimicking the same tone I'd had back then, but hell, if I hadn't failed miserably at it.
Wrapping her hands in my tunic, Lirilith growled. "Look at me."
When I refused with my grin turning impish, she shook me.
"I said look at me!"
So, I did, but here, Lirilith went off script. Releasing me, she grabbed something lying on the bedroll beside her, bringing it into view.
"Join with me, Eri," she said with a shy smile.
I stared at the red sticks she was holding. She wanted to do a Joining?
First, the necklace and the recreation of our first night together and now, this. Suddenly, I was apprehensive. What was going on? Was something wrong?
"Are you sure?" I asked. "It's been a while..."
I trailed off at the pleading in her eyes.
"I know," Lirilith said, "but still, I'm asking."
Hesitantly, she extended a stick toward me, and I took it.
"Thank you," Lirilith said, more relieved than she should be, "I love you, Eri."
She broke her stick, breathing in its red particles, and bracing for what was coming, I did the same.
But then, I was her, and she was me, and we were we. We knew exactly that the one we loved wanted and what the one we loved had feared, and those fears dissipated once we realized how silly they'd been.
As the one we loved wished, we reached for them, drawing them to us. Our lips pressed against something wonderfully soft—or was it familiarly chapped?—and when we opened our mouths, letting our tongues taste tongue and teeth and skin, we sighed, running our hands over our loved one's body. We pulled clothes off of them, desperate to press our skin together, and when we did... ahh...
Pulling on our loved one's hair, we panted, "Stop, stop. We need-"
But they quieted us with a kiss, whispering into our mouth.
"We know, love."
It was slow and careful, but soon enough, we were as thoroughly merged physically as we were mentally. And all we could do was look into our loved one's eyes, watching them go wide. Their face slackened, leaving only bliss behind. Every muscle, every vein, every bit of us was filled with this, and consciousness was gone for however long it took that swell to crest and diminish.
When we returned from this, we were lying on our loved one, struggling to breathe. Their weight was uncomfortably pinning us, so we rolled over, bouncing as our loved one curled up beside us. The Joining wasn't over, however, although it was fading... fading...
Hazily, I Eriadren, watched Lirilith as she paced across the kitchen, gnawing on her thumb. What...?
Holy shit, she'd reversed it. I was seeing her past after our consciousnesses had wound together. How on earth had she-?
I was dragged across time. Its events flashed by too quickly for me to register them, and when the rush slowed down once more, I was sitting beside Lirilith in a healing house's waiting area.
Oh, no. Was she sick? Was that why...?
"Lirilith?"
A stout woman beckoned my wife into a private room, and once inside, Lirilith took a seat.
"Go on, my dear," the healer said, getting herself settled. "What's wrong?"
Uncomfortably shifting, Lirilith clasped her hands in her lap, staring at them, and I wished that I could have been there to support her.
"My- my cycles," she said, swallowing hard. "They've... stopped, and I... I'm sterile, so I'm worried..."
She couldn't continue, and I was stuck watching her. Oh, Alouin, why hadn't she come to me?
She hadn't wanted to worry me. Yes, I got that, but I could have told her-
Wait. Was this what I thought it was?
"All right," the healer said. "I'm going to list some symptoms, and you tell me if you've noticed any of them. Can you do that?"
When Lirilith nodded, the healer started, and as she went on, I leaned my elbows on my knees, hiding my face. My poor wife, she'd avoided this side of her life for so long that she'd thought this, something most women would recognize, had been her body failing on her.
Once the healer had finished with her list, she chuckled.
"My dear, you're not sick," she said. "Unless you consider the miracle of life a disease, that is."
When Lirilith stiffened, I laid a hand on her arm, even knowing she wouldn't feel it.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
The healer's face crinkled.
"Why, you're with child, my dear," she said.
The Joining snapped, leaving me alone in my body. I had no connection to the one I loved, and as I shuddered, tears spilled over my cheeks.
I didn't know how long I stayed like that, adjusting to a solitary existence again, but when I was aware of the world once more, Lirilith was hovering over me with worry pinching her face. Softly smiling, I tangled my fingers in her hair, humming when she leaned into my hand, until everything from the Joining had integrated. Once it had, I snapped my eyes open wide.
"You're with child?" I said.
Grinning, Lirilith nodded.
"We... we're having a baby?" I asked, terrified and desperate for the answer.
Years, we'd wanted this. Years and now...
Leaning down to me, Lirilith whispered, "Yes."
She kissed me, and for a beat, my poor brain tried to process everything.
But then, I tackled her into our sheets. Thus, we performed a repeat of our Joining.
Once we'd finished, we stayed awake for a while, making plans and talking about our hopes and joy and everything, but eventually, Lirilith fell asleep on my shoulder. For a while, I watched her dream before following her into that unconscious state.
Interlude 2.6: The Beginning
Eriadren
As I watched a woman weep over her murdered daughter, my sword was heavy in my hand. I let its tip fall into the dirt, and she spun, becoming fury incarnate as she stalked toward me. She screamed and cursed, soon bending down to pinch my blade. Resting it on her chest, she fiercely grinned at me.
"I told you. You shouldn't have done something you'll regret."
She thrust herself onto my sword, and life fled from her, but as it did, her skin and clothing flaked away, revealing the figure of white light beneath. As it stepped free of my blade, another guise oozed over its body, and I stared at a copy of myself while the wound in his chest knit together.
"Now, you're ours," he said.
Gasping, I shot upright, half-aware of the cold sweat covering me, and with a shiver, I rubbed my arms.
"Eri?" Lirilith sleepily said. "What's the mat-?"
A frantic noise, coming from below, interrupted her. Who could be knocking at this hour of the morning? Whoever it was, they couldn't have brought anything good with them.
As I got out of bed, I pointed at Lirilith.
"Stay here. I can handle this," I said. "You have more than yourself to worry about now."
Paling, Lirilith glanced at her abdomen.
"Ok," she said.
As I threw on clothing, my best knife went into my trousers' waistband, and snatching my sword from its corner, I raced downstairs. Once at the door, I eased it open, hiding my weapon behind it.
Arivor was on the other side.
As always, I sought out the bandaging on his cheek, but it wasn't there tonight, which displayed his burns for the world to see. Frowning, I was wondering why he'd do such a thing when he snapped his fingers in my face.
"Let us in," he hissed. "They're coming."
Automatically, I flung the door open, ushering Arivor and- and Rafe—fuck—inside.
"What's going on?" I asked.
Nervously, Arivor glanced at his son, and I saw how badly Rafe was shaking. Crouching, I touched his elbow, and when he focused, I squeezed it.
"Hey, buddy," I said. "You ok?"
Swallowing hard, Rafe said, "I'm scared, Uncle Eri. Angry men came to our home, looking for me..."
As he went distant, my stomach dropped. This was it, what I'd been afraid of for months. Why hadn't Arivor gotten his family out of the city like I'd told him to do? Why had he thought he could make changes in the Council before something like this happened?
I couldn't say any of that, not to Rafe. Never to Arivor.
"You're safe here," I said before pausing.
I wasn't sure how to comfort the boy. Fortunately, Lirilith saved me, as usual.
"Why don't you come with me?" she said. "I should have some cookies in the kitchen."
Rafe barked a shaky laugh.
"That sounds good, Aunt Lirilith," he said.
Once they'd gone, I turned on Arivor to demand an explanation, but his drawn demeanor—by the stars, my stomach clenched on seeing that look—almost had me pausing.
Even still, I had to know.
"Well?" I said.
Rubbing his eyes, Arivor said, "Goons from the Council came to our estate, demanding Rafe. I had Clariss stall while getting him out and..."
He shuffled in place, and I suppressed a grin, knowing why he was uncomfortable.
"And you came to me because with my history, I might know a secret way out of the city," I said.
Ducking his head, Arivor said, "Yes. I'm sorry, Eri, but I didn't know what else to-"
"I have a way out," I said.
When he looked up at me, I stuck my tongue out.
"Of course I have a way to escape this city. I'm not some pampered noble," I said with a smirk.
But then, I turned serious.
"You were right to come here."
Frowning, Arivor drawled, "So...?"
I grimaced.
"You won't like it," I said. "My bolt hole starts in my shed."
Recoiling from me, Arivor said, "But that's where-"
"I'm perfectly aware of where it is," I interrupted. "This is my home."
Arivor and I still weren't sure what Alouin had made in my shed. After the fire, Lirilith and I had rebuilt the rickety place so we could hide that wretched, black pinhole, but the sense of unease it gave off had us believing that it wasn't good.
"You'd be exposed for thirty seconds, tops," I said. "The entrance is in the shed's corner while the exit's in my mother's home. You remember her?"
With a fond smile, Arivor said, "How could I forget such a gracious lady?"
Somehow, I hid how much his words had warmed me. Since graduation, I hadn't interacted with my mother, for her own safety, and I missed her dearly.
"She'll get you out of the city," I said. "She can also get letters back in, although I'd limit that as much as you can. We can work out next steps once you and Rafe are safe."
Shivering, Arivor nodded.
"Ok," he said before shaking his arms out. "Ok."
He looked determined now, which was heartening. Over the next few days, he'd need a great deal of fortitude, something he hadn't been showing before.
Lunging for me, Arivor dragged me into a hug.
"Thank you, Eri," he said. "You have no idea-"
Pounding on the door interrupted him, jerking us apart with a fearful glance exchanged.
"Open up!" someone shouted outside. "By decree of the Council, we have leave to search any home for our fugitive. If you can hear me, you have thirty seconds to open this door before we break it down."
"Fucking damn it," Arivor muttered.
Giving him an incredulous look, I shoved him toward the kitchen.
"Less cursing, more running," I said.
He spared me the most cursory of glares before taking off, and I turned to my task: stalling.
"All right, all right. I'm coming!" I called. "Hold on!"
Meanwhile, I was ruffling my hair into more of a mess while rumpling my tunic.
"Citizen, if you don't let us in, we are authorized to arrest you for obstructing our search," the same voice shouted, sounding much more annoyed.
"Yes, I understand! By the stars," I said, louder now. "I hope you understand how much of a hellion my wife can be if you wake her up before she's ready."
A snort had me looking over my shoulder. Leaning out of the kitchen, Lirilith signaled the all clear, retreating once I'd nodded.
"Journeyman Healer Eriadren, this is your last-"
Oh, so they did know whose home this was. Good to know.
Yanking the door open, I poured as much disdain as possible onto the squad of city guardsmen on the other side.
"What the fuck do you want?" I snapped.
One of them—their captain, I presumed—waved at the air as if swatting at a bug.
"Step aside," he said.
Crossing my arms, I said, "No. Not until someone tells me what's-"
With a click of his tongue, the captain shoved his way past me with his subordinates filing in after him. The last guard inside pinned me to the wall with a look of delight on his face.
Hell. What had I ever done to him?
When one of the guards ducked into the kitchen, a piercing shriek sounded, followed by a thunk. The guard hurried back out, chased by a host of utensils and plates, and I snorted. Trust my wife to create a distraction from nothing.
This went on for a while before the captain herded a wriggling, hissing Lirilith toward me. When he tossed her my way, the guard pinning me backed off, giving me barely enough time to steady her stumble.
"Control your woman," the captain snarled.
Somehow, I kept from laughing at the scratch marks on his face, nodding instead. Once he was gone, I squeezed Lirilith, perfectly aware of our guard's scrutiny.
"Are you hurt?" I asked.
Grimacing, Lirilith said, "Manhandled but fine."
She looked me over.
"From the way they're tearing through our home, I'm surprised they've let you keep your clothes on," she sarcastically said. "Who knows? Maybe you're somehow hiding what they want under there."
'Keep your clothes'. One of our many codes, used to ask if someone was armed during the war. Considering I was still holding my sword, Lirilith must be asking about hidden weapons.
"Even if they take my clothes, I doubt they'll want my underpants," I said before cupping my mouth. "They don't seem like the type to enjoy that sort of thing."
Our guard growled a warning, but we ignored him.
Smirking at me, Lirilith said, "Well, that's good. I don't have much on under this shift. If they took it, they wouldn't get much of a strip tease."
Got it. If this became a fight, I was in charge of protecting us until Lirilith got her hands on a weapon.
For a while, I held her with both of us flinching whenever something made of glass broke, but eventually, the captain rejoined us, looking like a cat who'd caught the canary, and the first bit of a crack spliced into my world.
"Our work's done here," he said. "Time to get back."
Nodding, our guard relaxed, but I wasn't paying attention to him.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
Turning gleeful eyes on me, the captain smiled.
"Your bolt hole wasn't as well hidden as you must have thought, Journeyman Healer," he said. "We found our fugitives in there as well as several interesting items. In fact, now that I think about it, you should probably join us for this evening's proceedings."
He nodded at our guard, and that man grabbed me while the captain took my sword. I wanted to fight them, but Lirilith was standing right there. As they pulled me out of our home, she turned wide eyes on me.
"Rastchaka, Eri," she said.
Rastchaka, the last battle of the war. Where Arivor and I had infiltrated the enemy's ranks on a suicide mission. Where Lirilith had led the cavalry charge that had eventually saved our lives.
She wanted to repeat that travesty.
Ok. That might work but... but she had no backup this time. She'd be alone in a sea of hostiles, and our home's door was closing with her behind it, planning to do something stupid.
Now, I struggled against the guard's hold.
"No!" I shouted. "Lirilith, no. You have to stay-"
But the door had closed, and the crack in my world spread a little further.
Interlude 2.7: The Beginning
Eriadren
I was shoved into a carriage, barely catching myself on the floor before the horses were spurred into motion. Haltingly, I climbed onto a seat. I scanned the carriage's interior, stopping my eyes' swing on Arivor.
He'd propped his elbows on his legs, clawing at his hair, and in the sparse moonlight, I caught a glimpse of the hysteria building in his eyes before the homes outside threw us into shadows again.
I also noticed one important piece missing from the picture.
"Where's Rafe?" I asked.
With a choked giggle, Arivor said, "In another carriage, taking a different route to our destination. Alouin, he must be scared."
I was quiet for a moment, trying to think.
"Where are they taking us? The temple? The Council's chamber?" I said. "If we knew where the other carriage is headed, maybe we can intercept it. Alouin knows how easy getting out of this one would be. We've done it often enough."
But Arivor was shaking his head.
"He could be anywhere. Better to stay... stay put for now," he said while restrained sobs made him hiccup. "They too-took my son, Eri. They took him. I just- just- just-! Fuck!"
He folded on himself, muffling his voice with his knees.
"I can't lose, not after we worked so hard to heal him."
His shoulders started shaking, and I laid my hand on one.
"Don't, Arivor," I said. "He's not lost yet, and that means we can save him. Again. By the stars, that boy's going to owe me so many life debts by the time this is over."
Laughing, Arivor relaxed, hanging from his legs for a moment, before wiping his eyes.
"You're right. We can do this," he said. "So, what do we have to work with? I don't have any weapons on me. Didn't have time to arm before fleeing."
Squeezing my eyes closed, I groaned.
"Stars, if you'd made it to the slums, you'd have been fucked," I said before shaking my head. "I've got a knife. Not much, I know, but it's something."
I shrugged, and perking up, Arivor lifted a finger.
"And we have Lirilith," he said. "Knowing her, she'll be gathering our friends... not that many of them are left in the city right now. Or maybe she'll sneak into wherever we're going-"
"She'd better not," I growled. "Getting our friends? Sure, that's fine, but other than that, she'd better keep her ass at home."
Rocking back in his seat, Arivor glared at me, clearly wanting to throw a punch my way.
"Why wouldn't she help?" he asked in a sharp tone. "We'll need all the help we can get-!"
"She's with child, Arivor," I snapped.
At the look on my friend's face, I turned away.
"She told me earlier this evening."
After a beat of silence, Arivor said, "Hell."
"That sounds about right," I said, chuckling.
When I glanced back at him, Arivor had his brows scrunched together while opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
"What should-?" he said after a moment. "Do you want my congratulations? Or maybe... I'm sorry for the shitty timing? I don't know."
Grimacing, I waved his concern away.
"Don't worry about it. Focus on Rafe," I said, "but considering how little of an advantage we have, we'll probably have to wing it with this."
Frowning, Arivor said, "Yes. We don't have another option, unfortunately."
"Great."
Sighing, I slumped in my seat, and for a long while, Arivor joined me in silence, although he looked like he was working up to say something. When our carriage started slowing down, it gave him the push he needed.
"Listen. In case this goes poorly and Rafe..."
His face contorted into an expression that I'd never wanted to see on my friend, and I leaned forward to take his hand.
"Hey, it'll be-" I started.
Jerking away from me, Arivor said, "No! I need you to listen to me!"
Stunned, I nodded while the carriage stopped, and as footsteps crunched toward its door, Arivor stared at it with panic.
"About the day of the accident," he said. "Eri. There's something I haven't told you-"
The door opened, letting in a wash of noise, and at the sight of the mob on the other side, I forgot what my friend had been saying. So many people were here, people from all over the social spectrum, and all of them looked ready to murder someone.
"Not good," I muttered.
Arivor grunted beside me, but then, we were dragged through the crowd. Fortunately, they weren't focused on us but on the wide terrace ahead.
As guards marched us up its stairs, more of them filled in around us, and with a dry mouth, I forced my fingers away from the knife in my waistband. This was not. good.
When we climbed a final stair, letting us see across the terrace, I stopped short, ignoring the guard trying to push me forward. The Council was here, chatting amongst themselves, but one of them was set apart from the others. Reive scowled at his comrades from where he was babysitting... humans.
Sitting around a table, a delegation of humans was being catered to, and when Arivor and I came into view, a few of them stopped talking, glaring at us instead.
They knew us. Former enemies, perhaps? And why on earth was Reive keeping watch on them?
This, however, wasn't what had rendered me immobile. No, that honor went to the pyre, built in the center of the terrace, and Rafe, trussed into a sitting position on top of it.
Trembling so hard that it was visible from here, he kept looking around him, occasionally flinching, and when he turned his tear-streaked face toward us, his eyes went so. damn. wide. Jerking against rope, he raised his voice in a high-pitched shriek, one I hadn't heard from him in years.
"Daddy! Daddy, please! I'm scared! What did I-? I'm sorry. Please, let me go!"
...I would end every single fucking one of these people.
When a roar split the night, the crowd's attention snapped from a screaming little boy to Arivor. Escaping the guards around him, he ran for the pyre, easily downing two hostiles.
And with not a weapon on him.
I was moving to help when Arivor froze in place, which made me do the same. Given the current chaos, I wasn't sure what was happening—my friend would never have stopped fighting until he'd saved his son—and until I did, it was probably best to bide my time and wait for an opening.
As Reive advanced on his nephew, he had two fingers lifted in front of him, and while guardsmen took hold of Arivor, I went cold. Reive could control another person's body? That- that was old magic. Why hadn't I know about this?
He dropped his hand, and immediately, Arivor struggled to reach his son, but the guards had a firm hold on him this time.
"Be brave, Rafe! Everything will be fine," he shouted. "I'll fix this, so just- just- calm down, and don't apologize! You did nothing wrong, ok? I love you."
Reive stopped in front of his nephew, who demanded an explanation, and while the bastard gave it, I half-listened, scanning my surroundings for something I could use. With every reason the Councilman gave—needing to intimidate the human kingdoms, ridding the world of an abomination, restoring the family's reputation—my face further twisted with disgust, but that expression dropped from me when I saw a figure roll over the terrace's edge opposite me. The figure quickly scuttled into the shadows, but still, I knew her.
Lirilith. I'd know her anywhere. What was she doing here?
"I don't understand. You have nothing more to justify murdering a child, Uncle Reive?" Arivor asked. "He's family!"
But he said this so quietly that I could barely hear him, and I knew the fight was going out of him. Why did he always give up like this?
"I know he's family," Reive said. "That's why we have to do this."
Arivor was quiet for a moment before bursting into laughter, and sagging in the guards' arms, he lifted his face to the sky.
"I get it now," he gasped. "I always wondered why Eri hates you so much, but I get it now. You're an evil son of a bitch."
Still drooping from the guards, he lowered his head.
"If you do this, you will destroy me," he said with his voice dead. "You will rip out every shred of decency in me and what remains..."
He clicked his tongue, and the monster mask that he revealed had me shrinking away from him, even seeing as small of a portion of it as I had.
"The shade that you'll make of me will do everything in its power to destroy you as thoroughly as you did with me," Arivor said.
And even knowing it was a risk, I squeezed my eyes closed. Did Reive hear it? That hadn't been a threat, meant to scare him into stopping. That had been a promise. That had meant, 'You light this pyre, and you're making your life a living hell.'
With a world-weary sigh, Reive said, "Someday, you'll see I'm doing this for your own good."
Gasping, I opened my eyes in time to see him summoning fire to a spot above his hand. While the other Council members did the same, he turned away, and as the group bent to the pyre, I reached out for that flame, desperate to pull it away from Rafe, even if it might kill me. Distantly, I was aware of Lirilith's arm shooting out of her cloak while Arivor's face turned red from effort.
It wasn't enough. These people were Council members for a reason. Their control on what they were holding was too strong.
They touched that fire to the pyre's wood, making it blaze into the night, and with their cries twining through the fire's building roar, a father and son howled.
"NOOO!"
"Daddy, no! Please!"
I'd waited too long. Too. fucking. long.
Even still, the strategist in me was ratcheting through our options and their projected odds.
Option one.
I could eliminate enough of the Council to weaken their magical hold. Once I'd summoned the fire to me, I'd have to trust that Arivor could snap out of his shock in time to safe Rafe, since using that much magic would weaken me.
Even with that, though, I seriously doubted I could finish my side of the plan before a guard ended me, which would negate any other part of the plan.
So, it would leave Rafe to die by fire.
Option two.
I could charge the pyre, sweep through the flames, and pull Rafe free of them. There were two problems with this plan, though. After twice passing through flame, I'd be in no condition to fight, and said condition would draw Lirilith and Arivor in to defend me.
Even together, fighting our way free of this mess had infinitesimally low odds of success, and again, the guards would probably cut me down before I reached Rafe, leaving him to die by fire.
Who'd chosen this method of execution anyway? It wasn't enough that they were killing an Alouin damned child, but they had to do it in such an agonizing way as well?
Absently, I watched while as if in slow motion, a boy I cared for kicked away from the fire, scrunching on himself when it came closer. Weeping, my friend screamed his throat raw, reaching for his son from where he'd fallen to his knees.
This was Cruelty, and I loathed it.
Maybe I could have devised other plans, ones with a better chance of saving Rafe's life, but if so, I didn't see them now. I looked at this horrible image and wanted, with all of my heart, to spread as much Mercy here as I could
Even if it meant that when I did, my surviving loved ones would hate me.
Including Lirilith.
When I found her, my heart stopped on seeing glinting steel in her hand. She'd come to the same conclusion as me, and somehow, I knew that she'd sought me out, as I had her.
"No," I said, even if she couldn't hear me. "This isn't for you."
The guards around me shuffled, and drawing my knife from my waistband, I threw it. The blade seemed to spin, end over end, for forever. The worst pressure I'd ever felt fought to burst free of my body, but as it had always been meant to, my knife reached its target.
And missed.
Which was impossible. During the war, I'd been the best in my unit at knife throwing. That skill couldn't have rusted away so quickly...
Rafe lifted his head toward me, and at the betrayal I saw there, radiating off of him as strong as a gale, I stumbled backward.
'Uncle Eri-?' I watched his lips form.
But then, his body jerked while something shiny appears in his neck. As blood seeped around this foreign object, he toppled into the fire that he'd tried to hard to escape.
The world went still, and as it inched forward, the crack that had been growing in my vision snapped. It split like lightning, shattering the world.
And chaos erupted.
As if a hand had lifted him off of the ground, Arivor was on his feet, and shadows, like what we'd seen in Alouin's domain, furiously whirled around him, setting the pyre's fire into a greater frenzy. With mania and grief battling on him, he took a step forward, seeking a target among the crowd, and when his eyes landed on Reive, he smiled, raising a hand with darkness around it.
People on the terrace were running away from him, probably screaming, but I didn't hear it. I'd gone deaf.
In silence, I watched a guard sneak up on Arivor and smack him in the back of the head. I watched my best friend crumple, which dissipated his summoned darkness. In silence, I watched Lirilith stumble away, soon slipping over the terrace's edge. In silence, I watched as order was restored on the terrace.
Healers rolled Arivor onto a stretcher so they could take him away, all while Reive strode to a stop in front of me. He examined me while the sounds on all sides returned to normal: aa dying fire's crackle, excited conversations, a host of footsteps.
When I focused on Reive, he nodded before glancing to the side.
"Take him to the dungeon," he said.
Had he waited here just so I'd hear him say that?
It didn't matter. Any reaction that Reive had meant to goad from me didn't happen because as the guards led me away, I was numb.
Chapter 47: A Rescue Attempt
Rhylix
I would make a final request of you, my friend.
Watching the Zrelnach encampment, I despaired of ever sneaking into it in a conventional manner. They were too well-organized and from what I'd seen, on high alert as well. If I used an illusion or shape change to infiltrate the camp, they'd quickly pick up on the inconsistencies that were always present in a magical disguise.
So, how would I get in?
I'd rather not use Ele unless I must. The repelling knot that was Teron still felt far distant, but that distance was nothing to someone like him. Any significant pull of Ele to the physical plane—unlike the tiny sips of it I'd used to try reaching Sev earlier tonight—would orient the bastard in an instant, and I'd rather let whatever was slowing Teron down continue to do so.
If he changed trajectory toward Daira, where Kaedesa would surely be taking Raimie soon, then I’d light Sev up like a beacon for the monster but until then…
No Ele.
Which left me with a quandary. Without magic, I could either enter the camp as I normally would and hope Ferin hadn’t spread orders about me through the ranks, or I could wait for a Zrelnach to wander off so I could take their armor. Neither of those options sounded good.
Right as I was about to step out to do gods knew what, I noticed a disturbance on the edge of camp. A group of Zrelnach was ambling through it, angling toward the dark hills around Sev.
They were chatting and laughing and playfully shoving each other, acting like a group of friends who’d been given the night to themselves, and as they came closer, I realized that was exactly what they were: friends. Friends I knew.
Someone stopped them before they could leave camp, and after a moment of discussion, the group pulled aside to reveal one of them leaning on a fellow Zrelnach.
I could imagine the conversation taking place. The group of friends was probably begging the guard to let their inebriated member sober up away from the other Zrelnach’s watchful eyes, and it appeared as if the guard blocking them would have mercy. When she moved aside to let the friends pass, they headed into the darkness.
Rising from the grass, I dusted myself off before hurrying to intercept them.
Away from camp, the group behaved with far greater gravity, keeping their eyes on the move and their hands on their swords’ hilts. This would make approaching them difficult.
I waited for them to stop, and once they had, they exchanged a few words before most of them headed back, leaving three behind.
“-grateful they helped me this much,” I heard as I edged closer, “but I won’t let them betray Allanovian for our friendship, especially when we can’t know if Raimie… if he-”
“Come now. Don’t do that. Raimie’s strong, even if he’s not as resourceful as he once was. He’ll be fine, and you know it.”
“I… yes, I know. It’s just hard. Not half an hour ago, you hustled into my tent to whisk me away, and we don’t know how Raimie’s involved in this. If nothing happens to him in Sev, we can’t know whether we’ll catch him while he’s on his way back. How do we help him when we don’t know the enemy’s plan?”
And there was my opportunity.
“I can help with that,” I loudly said.
In a flash, two of the three had their swords drawn while the third had his bow leveled at me with an arrow nocked. He barely stopped himself from releasing said arrow, and I thanked my lucky stars that he’d restrained himself. Even half in shadows as I was, he was aiming at my eye.
Wordlessly, I lifted my hands above my head, and the other three relaxed.
“Rhylix?” Aramar asked. “What are you doing here?”
“Well…” I drawled, looking over the three friends. “I was coming to get you out of camp, but it looks like you lot had that well in hand."
“Of course we did, healer,” Aya spat. “We’re there for the people who need us, unlike you.”
Aramar winced while Gistrick laid a hand on Aya’s shoulder.
“I know you’re tense, given what we’ve just done. I am too,” he said, “but there’s no need for hostility toward someone who seems willing to help us.”
Huffing, Aya turned away from them, crossing her arms over her chest.
‘Sorry,’ Aramar mouthed.
I shrugged at him. Disdain like hers had stopped affecting me ages ago.
“You said something about Raimie’s situation?” Aramar continued aloud.
“I did,” I said. “I have news. I’m afraid you won’t like it.”
Setting his jaw, Aramar said, “It has to be better than living in the dark.”
“Fair enough,” I said with a half-shrug.
But I glanced toward Gistrick to ensure he was ready to steady Aramar, if this news proved too much for him.
When Gistrick nodded, I asked, “First, how much do you know about what’s happened?”
“Not much,” Aramar said. “Just that the conspiracy we were investigating has made its move tonight, and somehow, every Zrelnach has received orders that they’re not to interfere. Most of them seem to be as much in the dark about this as us.”
That made a lot of sense, actually.
“Ferin wouldn’t have wanted to drive a rift through her people,” I mused, caught in my own head. “If they knew the conspiracy was Council-sanctioned, it would force them to choose between Allanovian and a boy many of them have grown fond of over the last few weeks.”
When a heavy silence fell, I realized how stupid it had been to say any of that out loud.
“Ferin?” Gistrick asked in a squeak.
With an eye half-closed, I nodded.
“She’s the leader of the conspiracy,” Aramar said, putting two and two together, “which means it’s not a conspiracy at all.”
“Unfortunately,” I said.
“Well, shit.”
Turning on his friends, Aramar looked over their tensed states and slowly breathed out.
“You should go back now,” he said. “If you hurry, you might catch the others before-”
“No!”
Aya jerked her head toward him, sending her hair flying, and with a completely red face, she struggled to keep the fists at her side from trembling.
“Ferin and the rest of the Council are cowardly wastes of space. They don’t know what Allanovian wants when it comes to most things and especially not with this,” she hissed. “You, Aramar, are the father of Auden’s rightful king, and unlike Allanovian, Auden is our true home. More importantly, though, you’re one of us. Everyone in your family is, and while most Zrelnach can’t break their oaths of loyalty yet, you are our friend, which gives us the extra incentive needed to do what’s right. Gistrick and I will help you, whether you like it or not.”
In this single moment, Aya redeemed the Zrelnach for every wrong they’d ever committed against me, at least in my eyes. Aramar was struck speechless until Gistrick stepped forward to squeeze his shoulder.
“Raimie?” he said.
With a grimace, Aramar flailed his arm, knocking Gistrick’s hand off of him, but his immediate wince showed the reaction to have been unintentional.
“Sorry,” he said. “It’s just this thing…”
He gestured to his waist, and I pursed my lips. Why was the device from the tear giving him so much trouble still?
“I’ll take a look at it soon,” I said. “In the meantime, you should know that Ferin doesn’t seem thrilled by the Council’s decision either. It’s why she saved Raimie’s life in the Withriingalm rather than letting him die like she planned.”
“She started that?” Aramar growled while scrunching his hands in front of his face. “Oh, oh, I’m going to…”
“Save your anger for worthier targets,” I said, “such as the person Ferin’s contacted to finish the job she couldn’t complete.”
I paused to let Aramar draw his own conclusions, and when he did, he stumbled backward until Gistrick caught him.
Swallowing hard, he rasped, “Kaedesa?”
I nodded, and Aramar shot upright, tearing at his hair as he paced.
“Fuck!” he hissed. “Oh, Alouin. Raimie… what will I do?”
“We will not panic,” Gistrick said. “We will calmly consider our options and form a plan.”
“I already have one, actually,” I said.
The other three turned on me with blank expressions, and I rolled my eyes.
“I know I’m primarily a healer to you lot, but you should know better than to think that’s all I can do,” I said.
Raising an eyebrow, Aya said, “All right, then. What’s your plan, healer?”
Gods. Yes, I’d fostered these people’s belief that I was useless in order to blend in better, but at times, dealing with it could be frustrating as hell.
Gesturing toward the city, I said, “We can’t enter Sev until morning, locked down as it is, so we use that time to rest up and prepare. In the morning, Aramar and I will go into the city and find Raimie. I have contacts there—Don’t look at me like that. I lived here for years before making my way to Allanovian—and they should be able to help us. Based on what they say, we can make further plans. As for our two native Zrelnach, you’ll return to camp and-”
Breaking off, I looked away, rapidly blinking while I considered how best to put this.
“Does everyone here know Dath?” I hesitantly asked.
Frowning, Aya said, “That’s the kid you were training with Raimie, right? I thought he disappeared in the Withriingalm.”
“He didn’t, actually. He’s been helping with our investigation since then,” Aramar calmly said.
But his face, rapidly draining of color, belied that calm state.
“What happened, Rhylix?” he asked.
Closing my eyes, I said, “Earlier today, Ferin confronted me, hoping to stop me from helping Raimie. Despite our precautions, she knew about Dath, using him as leverage, and I…”
Gods, it hurt, even knowing I couldn’t have done anything else at the time.
“I left him in Ona’s hands, planning to reach Sev before the gate closed,” I continued with a thick voice. “Obviously, I failed to do that. So.”
Taking a deep breath, I caught Gistrick and Aya’s eyes, one at a time.
“I was hoping the two of you could find out what’s happened to him,” I said. “If he’s alive, I beg you to get him out of there. Please. If not…”
If not, another tragedy could be attributed to my name.
After an agonizingly long period of silence, Aya said, “Of course we’ll look for him, and… if you don’t already know, you did the right thing. You made the choice that any good Zrelnach would have.”
With a sharp glance at her, I struggled to identify what her change in demeanor had set boiling in my gut. It was with great difficulty that I found my voice and said.
“Thank you.”
Coming closer, Aramar clapped my shoulder.
“I like this plan,” he said. “Why don’t you and I discuss how we’ll get into the city while Gistrick and Aya head back?”
“Of course,” I said. “If my Zrelnach betters don’t mind?”
Rolling his eyes, Gistrick waved us off while Aya flat-out ignored what I’d said, but still, both of them started back toward camp.
Aramar waited until his friends had walked out of earshot before speaking again.
“I didn’t know that Allanovian wasn’t your home,” he led with.
With a faint smile, I said, “You had no reason to think otherwise, but no. My home lies far from here. We, however, should focus on Raimie, not me.”
Aramar gave me a look that showed how much he wasn’t buying my bullshit.
But he said, “How are we getting into Sev? No doubt Kaedesa’s spies will be watching for suspicious people, and they’ll have a good description of me.”
“Probably,” I said, making a face. “How good are you with sneak work, or rather, have you had any experience with it? If needed, could you get into Sev by yourself? Entering separately will lessen the chance of Kaedesa’s spies spotting us.”
Aramar regarded me with such amusement that I wondered what I’d missed.
“I can manage,” he said with an enigmatic grin.
“Wonderful. I can do the same,” I said. “So, let’s not worry about that problem. Once we’ve gotten through the gate, I’ll find you, but after we’ve met up? That’s when things will get tricky.”
Chapter 48: Infiltration
Rhylix
When next we meet, please kill me.
The next day, I was standing in the closest marketplace to the gate that I could find, waiting for Aramar.
I was exhausted. The energy drain for the magic I’d used this morning had been brutal, but it hadn’t been so bad that I’d be out of commission. Not for a while, at least.
While scanning the crowd, all of whom were pointedly avoiding me, I caught sight of Aramar, only recognizing him because I’d expected him to be in disguise. It was amazing how a little dirt and a different posture could change a person.
Where I’d had to watch for my companion’s arrival, Aramar didn’t need to do the same for me, not when I was occupying the only bubble of empty space in the marketplace. As he approached, he glared at the humans giving me a wide berth with a wrinkled nose.
“I forgot about this part of living in a city,” he said. “I definitely don’t miss it.”
I pointedly did not ask him what he was talking about. As far as I knew, Aramar had lived in a forest until his son had found Shadowsteal, only leaving it to visit Allanovian so he could maintain his family’s alliance with the city.
Shaking himself, he said, “Right. What are we looking for?”
“Pickpockets or destitute children. Basically, anything that makes you uncomfortable,” I said.
“Like… a seedy-looking man leading a woman into an alley?” Aramar said.
“Where?”
Frowning, I looked in the direction Aramar had indicated. That had been fast…
When I found what he’d been talking about, everything that was good in me was scraped free, replaced by something else entirely.
“Exactly like that,” I growled.
I stormed toward the alley, digging my heels into the ground with each step, while Aramar hurried to get in front of me. Once he had, he flipped to walk backward.
With a worried frown, he said, “Rhylix, what-?”
“Just follow me and stay back,” I snapped.
It was a testament to the other man’s trust that he didn’t demand an explanation from me after that. I knew what I looked like right now. It was a demeanor that sent people scattering before me until I’d reached the isolation found in the alley, and once there, I started running.
I barely stopped the aforementioned seedy-looking man from smashing a club into a young woman’s head, catching his wrist as he raised it. When I swung his arm around, pressing it against his back, he yelped, and jumping, the woman spun toward me, opening her mouth to scream once she’d seen us. Aramar was there to cover her mouth before she could.
“Will you take the young lady elsewhere, please?” I asked. “Explain what’s going on, if you will.”
Nodding, Aramar guided the woman away, already murmuring reassurances to her, and once they were out of sight, I threw my captive into a house’s wall. While he faced me, I plucked my dagger from where I’d hidden it.
“Hullo, Hux,” I said.
The other man froze, peering at me, and I stepped out of the shadows, hoping to speed up the identification process. Surprise flashed across Hux’s face before he started laughing.
“Well, if it isn’t little gray-eyes, all grown up,” he said. “Why are you back? No, wait! Let me guess. Your people’s filthy haven didn’t want you? Nah, nah, that can’t be it. Did you just miss me that much? Sorry to disappoint you, but I have another kid to torment now, one who actually shows a reaction when I’m hurting him.”
Without expression, I balanced my dagger’s point on a finger, watching the blade as I spun it. I knew better than to give this man the pleasure of acknowledging his taunts, no matter how much they might rile me up inside.
“Where’s Ash?” I asked.
“Oh… I see what this is about. I always knew you two had a thing,” Hux said. “Well, I’m sorry to say that she’s moved on too. She’s with some half-Eselan brat now. Honestly, I can understand most deviant behaviors, but people finding Esela attractive? It’s disgusting.”
He clicked his tongue, which almost had me bristling, but instead, I calmly stepped into Hux’s personal space, and I calmly rested my dagger’s edge on the bastard’s neck.
With a pleasant smile, I again asked, “Where’s Ash?”
Scoffing, Hux rolled his eyes.
“You don’t scare me, gray-eyes,” he said. “You couldn’t kill me back in the day, and I seriously doubt that’s changed.”
Removing my dagger from Hux’s neck, I punched him in the face, hard enough that his head bounced off of the wall behind him.
“As you so poignantly reminded me when I lived under your care, there are worse things than death, things that I’m more than happy to inflict on you,” I said. “Now, where the hell is Ash? I won’t ask you again.”
But Hux wouldn’t stop groaning, clutching at his face, and I was done with accommodating him. Pinning the bastard with my dagger, I magicked a knife into my hand, lowering it to rest on the most sensitive bits of human anatomy.
“I will maim you,” I growled.
Sucking in a gasp, Hux frantically nodded.
“Butcher’s district, portside of the city,” he said. “The old safehouse there.”
Was he telling the truth? Probably. The bastard wouldn’t lie in a situation like this. He was too much of a coward.
So, the question became what to do with a man who’d tormented me, so many years ago? He had so much innocent blood on his hands, but Hux had been right about one thing. I couldn’t kill him. I just… couldn’t.
I could, however, pin his hands to the wall before sending the city guard looking for him. I could hurt this man if I so chose.
I wasn’t sure if Aramar would understand that, though. So, I sent Hux into a deep sleep and waited for my companion’s return.
It didn’t take him long.
As Aramar turned the corner, he asked, “What was that about?”
But at the sight of Hux at my feet, he went quiet.
“He’s alive. Don’t worry,” I said. “As for your question, he’s the leader of my old thieves guild. I was hoping to contact an acquaintance from that time. If anyone knows where Raimie is, it’ll be her. Fortunately for us, Hux has given me her location.”
I couldn’t help kicking the unconscious man, and watching this, Aramar frowned.
“I’m guessing you don’t like him,” he said.
“Well, the bastard used to starve me when I lived here,” I said. “That, plus the fact that he’s… abused, we’ll say, and murdered at least a dozen women leads to an extreme dislike, yes.”
“I see,” Aramar said while his face went unreadable. “And why is he still alive?”
That was an odd question, coming from whom it had. Aramar had always seemed like a compassionate fellow.
And I was unwilling to lie to him. He trusted me, even though I was a primeancer, so I resorted to half-truths in my answer.
“He should face justice for what he’s done,” I said. “If he died now, his victims’ families might never know what happened to their loved ones.”
For several heartbeats, Aramar stared at me before releasing a quiet sigh.
“All right. I’ll take him to a lockup while you get the initial negotiations with your contact out of the way,” he said. “Where should I meet you when I’m done?”
“Telling you a location won’t be helpful if you’re not familiar with Sev,” I said.
Snorting, Aramar said, “Oh, I’m plenty familiar with this city. Just give me directions, please.”
So, I did, although I was a little curious how Aramar knew a Robzul city state as well as he'd claimed. I didn’t ponder the question for long, though. After rounding onto a busy street, my full focus went to my upcoming reunion.
It had been years since I’d been in this city, years since I’d seen her. After weeks of abuse and hunger, she’d been the first friendly face I’d found on this side of the Narrow Sea, and I’d left her here without saying goodbye.
She was going to kill me.
The butcher’s district smelled delightful, as always, and as I wandered past identical homes, all neatly ordered in rows, I relived memories I’d rather forget. They were nowhere near as bad as the ones I kept locked tight in my heart, but they still hurt, making it a relief when I reached the safehouse that Hux had mentioned.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped up to the door, knocking on it in the guild’s old pattern. It took a while, but when the door eventually opened, it was only by a crack.
“Whatever you’re selling, we don’t want it,” a familiar voice snapped. “Go away.”
She tried to slam the door in my face, but I slapped a hand on it, stopping her.
“Ashella!” I hissed. “It’s me, Rhy.”
When she didn’t respond, I removed my hand…
And the door slammed shut.
Gods damnit. It looked like she was going to be difficult about this. When several minutes passed with nothing more happening, I spun in place and folded to the ground, leaning on the door.
With nothing to occupy me, I couldn’t keep my fears at bay anymore. What would I do if my ally had been dragged to Daira, a city almost as far from here as Allanovian?
What if Raimie had been taken there for execution? Could I reach the capital in time to stop it? If I couldn’t and Raimie died, this struggle would have been for nothing.
I couldn’t touch the idea of what Raimie’s death would do to me personally.
With Raimie gone, what would my next steps be? How long would it take before another ally was found?
Grimacing, I called for Creation so we could discuss these possibilities, and my back support gave way, sending me tumbling to the ground. Lying in the house’s threshold, I blinked up at a red-faced woman with frazzled hair floating around her head.
With a weak grin, I said, “Hey, Ash.”
“Don’t you ‘hey, Ash’, me, you delinquent guild rat,” Ashella snapped.
In an abrupt about-face, she took off inside, leaving me lying on the floor, and I scrambled to follow her.
The house was strangely empty. No small ones were running about the place, and seeing this, I frowned. Was something wrong in the guild?
Throwing herself into a shabby chair, Ashella propped her feet up on a table, looking down her nose at me. She said nothing, and after a moment, I shifted in place, which was what she’d been waiting for.
“Well?” she drawled.
After a beat, I realized that I was supposed to answer.
“Well, what?” I asked.
Folding her hands on her stomach, Ashella said. “Will you give me your report for the last ten years, you delinquent guild rat?”
Oo, she was mad.
“I don’t have much to report,” I said. “After I left Sev, I made my way to Allanovian, like we always talked about. I was living there until a friend asked for my help, and that brought me back here.”
“You. Made a friend.”
Ashella said the last word as if she’d consumed something distasteful. Before she could continue, I rushed to finish.
“He’s actually why I was looking for you,” I said. “I need your help with finding him.”
“My help,” Ashella echoed. “Don’t you mean the guild’s help?”
Wincing, I said, “I meant the small ones. Are you still in charge of them?”
Ashella rolled her eyes.
“Of course. Who else has the patience to deal with them? Hux?” she asked with a snort. “And he’s the reason I can’t help you. If he learns that I did, if he even learns you were here, he’ll take it out on my kids, and I-”
“He won’t be hurting anyone ever again, Ash,” I said.
Ashella blinked once before her feet slipped off of the table, thumping to the floor.
Clearing her throat, she asked, “What do you mean?”
“I finally made good on my promise to you,” I said. “I’m sorry it took so long.”
Slowly, Ashella got to her feet, pressing her fingertips into the table.
“He’s gone?” she said in a small voice.
Nodding, I said, “He’s in the hands of the authorities as we speak.”
With a choked sob, Ashella vaulted over the table, running to me, and at her impact with my body, I rocked in place, awkwardly patting her back as she soaked my tunic with tears.
Gods, saying that after all these years had felt good. Finally, I’d fulfilled my long-held promise to her. I so rarely got to do that.
When she pulled away, Ashella wiped her eyes before softly laughing.
“Been a while since I lost it like that,” she said. “So. You need help with finding someone? Can I get a description?”
Straight to business, huh? All right.
“His name’s Raimie, and an older man would have accompanied him,” I said. “As for a description, he has a plain face with a large nose. Middling height. The most drab, brown hair. Large ears. Really, he’s quite average in general, except that he has the most piercing, blue eyes I’ve seen on someone in a while and… Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Oh, Rhy. Honey.”
Sighing, Ashella circled the table to retrieve her chair.
“Sit down,” she said.
As comfortably as I could, I settled into the chair, dreading what Ashella meant to tell me.
“My small ones saw the man you described on and off yesterday, but they didn’t pay him much mind, thinking he was a tourist,” she said. “That opinion changed when Queen Kaedesa revealed herself to him that afternoon. She took him and the older gentlemen with her, and Rhy? Her ship left last night.”
Well, damn.
“That’s… disappointing,” I said.
I wasn’t sure what else to add. For now, Raimie was well and truly out of my hands. I couldn’t catch up with a ship, for gods’ sakes, and when rescuing the kid, I most certainly couldn’t take on a capital full of soldiers alone. I’d need help with such a dangerous undertaking.
So. First thing’s first. Aramar needed to hear what had happened to his son, and then, we should gather Gistrick, Aya, and—please, gods—Dath to discuss our options.
And while doing that, I’d contemplate plans of my own. I’d think of something. I always did.
I refused to consider what might happen if I couldn’t this time.
“Rhy?” Ashella cautiously said. “If there’s anything I can do to help-”
“There is, actually,” I said. “I’ll have some friends joining me shortly. Can we stay here for a couple of nights?”
Grinning, Ashella said, “You can stay for as long as you need. Anything for our delinquent guild rat.”
I returned her smile.
“Thanks, Ash,” I said.
I wouldn’t give up. If Raimie could keep himself alive while in Daira, I’d save my friend from a violent queen.
Chapter 49: Welcome to Daira
Raimie
I’d decided that I hated traveling by sea. When we’d left Sev behind, I’d already been queasy, and then, the sloop had ventured into the aqueous territory around the Accession Tear. I’d spent the next four days huddled on the brig’s floor, rolling across it as the waves had demanded, while fighting off nausea. It had been a struggle I’d lost more often than not.
By the time we were pulled off of the sloop, poor Eledis was covered in my vomit, but I couldn’t be bothered to care about that. Still mired in the depths of sickness—why the hell was land swaying like a boat?—I didn’t register much between the docks and a dungeon. The only things that stuck out to me were a thick fog, hanging over everything, and fuzzy balls of light, passing by us at regular intervals.
When I was finally allowed to stay still, I curled into a ball, switching between keeping my gorge down and getting much needed sleep. Eventually, nausea loosened its claws on me, and I unfurled, noting the iron bars around me. It was sad how quickly I’d grown accustomed to the sight.
Eledis was snoring in the cell beside mine, and with no guards around, I wouldn’t have a better chance at exploring this place, perhaps finding a way out in the process. I just had to escape this metal box.
Leaning against the cell’s bars, I circled them to its door, but as I should have expected, it was locked. After pulling on it several times, I leaned closer to the lock, examining it.
Maybe I could pick it. That was a thing, wasn’t it?
“Do you think he’s forgotten about us again?”
Jerking away from the cell door, I fell into the bars beside it, staring at my twins.
“I suppose he could have. Anything’s possible,” one was saying. “He certainly seems aware of us now, though.”
Pushing myself upright, I advanced on them with my finger leveled.
“Where the hell were you in Sev?” I growled.
One of my twins turned to the other.
“Yup,” it said. “Definitely sees us.”
The other one waved off the first, and that disdainful gesture helped me figure out which of them was which.
“A moment, ignoramus,” Bright said. “Why are you upset, Raimie? You’re the one who told us to stay out of sight when you’re in a crowd.”
“But not when I’m in danger,” I hissed.
“At no point were you in danger, though,” Dim said. “The forgetful one could never harm you, and if truly required, you could have handled the other peons there.”
…What?
Hissing, I knotted my fingers in my hair, rubbing my temples with my thumbs.
“Ok, fine. Whatever,” I said. “Look. We should renegotiate. Because I’m… one of them, you two will always be a part of my life. I should learn how to deal with having you around. So…”
Alouin, I’d regret saying this.
“Consider our previous agreement null and void,” I continued. “I’ll trust you to give me space when I need it.”
Bright and Dim exchanged a glance.
“He clearly doesn’t understand what I am,” Dim said.
Wincing, Bright said, “Just go with it. For now.”
Both turned to me.
“We shall do as you say,” they intoned, if with minor variations.
Hearing their voices intertwine, Dim buckled on itself, dry heaving, while Bright rubbed its arms, and I waited for them to collect themselves, barely containing myself.
Dim recovered first, wiping its mouth as it looked around.
“How’d you land yourself in prison?” it asked with amusement.
Freezing, Bright whirled on me.
“Prison?” it snapped.
“It’s not my fault!” I said. “Someone alerted Queen Kaedesa to our people’s presence, and she hasn’t decided whether we’re rebels. We’re her prisoners until then.”
Both splinters blinked at me for a moment with Dim unsuccessfully trying to speak. Bright preempted it.
“Aren’t you royalty too?” it said. “Given that, you deserve something better than this dingey cell.”
Crossing my arms, I said, “You think I haven’t considered mentioning that? If I did, though, how would I prove it? With Shadowsteal? That sword’s been missing from the world for long enough that the queen won’t know what it is, and it’s the only proof of my standing. Without it, I’m merely an upstart peasant in her mind.”
But the splinters had frozen, drilling into me with wide eyes.
“Shadowsteal?!” Dim screeched.
It was across the prison cell in an eyeblink with its hands curled in my tunic, and I could swear I felt pressure lifting me off of the floor, even given Dim’s incorporeal nature.
“You had Shadowsteal, and you lost it?” it hissed.
“It’s… not… lost,” I said, shoving Dim.
Surprisingly, the splinter staggered away from me, glaring once it had recovered its balance, but I didn’t care if I’d hurt its feelings.
“Kaedesa has it, which means it’s probably with her royal guard,” I said. “Why do you care?”
“Because, you insufferable moron,” Dim panted, “it might solve our communication issues.”
And suddenly, I was doused in shame. Pulling away from Dim, I ducked my head.
“I… didn’t know,” I said. “Of course it will! That’s why I could hear you after my Zrelnach trials.”
“If you used Shadowsteal at that time, then probably.”
Stepping between me and Dim, Bright glanced at us.
“If we could focus now, please?” it said.
After receiving our nods, it relaxed, almost imperceptibly, but I noticed.
“I assume we’re not staying here,” Bright said, “so, how are we getting out?”
Shrugging, I said, “I don’t know. Maybe I could steal a guard’s key?”
“Could you do that without them noticing?” Bright said.
Huffing, I said, “If you have another suggestion, you’re more than welcome to-”
“Oh, come on.”
Both Bright and I turned on Dim, who was tapping a foot. On noticing our inspection, it rolled its eyes.
“Oh, my me, do I really have to spell it out?” it said.
Crossing my arms, I said, “Yes, you really do.”
Lifting its eyes to the heavens, Dim extended its hands, and darkness spilled down its arms to cover them. While Bright gagged, Dim slapped the back of its hands together before making fists and dragging them apart.
“Oh.”
I smacked myself on the forehead.
“I’m such an idiot,” I groaned.
“Yes, you are,” Dim said.
It sweetly smiled when I glared at it.
“One problem with your plan, though,” I said. “I have yet to reliably call on Daevetch. It only comes if I’m in distress or in combat.”
“Try it now,” Dim said.
So, I reached for the seething mass of energy raging behind Dim, teasing at it, and as expected, nothing happened.
“I swear to me, you act like you’re solely their human sometimes,” Dim snarled, pointing at Bright. “For weeks, I’ve been waiting for you to get it but nooo...”
When I glanced at it, the Ele splinter shrugged.
“You know, Dim, you’re welcome to make a suggestion,” I said.
Dim buried its face in its hands.
“Why am I always stuck with the simpletons?” it breathed through its fingers. “Consider what I represent, Raimie. Will it respond to a wimpy plea for help or a demand for what’s rightfully yours?”
“Oh…”
I really was an idiot.
Reaching for what lay behind Dim again, I yanked it to me with no questions asked, and a sheath of black rolled over my arms. Lifting them, I giggled at my success, perhaps a bit manically, before advancing on my cell’s bars. They bent like putty before me, and I stepped through the opening I’d created.
Free.
I should run while I had the chance. With what I was holding, the guards wouldn’t stand a chance, and once I was out, I could go wherever I wanted. Be whoever I wanted to be.
“Release it, Raimie,” Bright said.
Spinning on the splinter, I widened my grin.
“Why?” I asked. “Are you jealous?”
With a sigh, Dim said, “No. They’re right, much as I hate to admit it.”
It made a face.
“When it comes to using us, you’re once more a baby, which means our emotional carryover is strong,” it continued. “And the feeling imbued by what I represent is likely to get you caught here.”
Caught? Me? Not possible. I was too strong.
“And what about Eledis?” Bright added.
Eledis. My grandfather. The man who’d once brought books home for me. I could get him out of his cell in the same way I’d done for myself, but doing so might lead to questions that I couldn’t answer, and… I couldn’t leave Eledis behind.
Wincing, I let dark energy seep from me, and once it was gone, I shivered. Hugging myself, I nodded to my splinters.
“Thank you.”
They pretended like I’d said nothing, so I ignored them in kind, beginning my search for escape.
Chapter 50: Another Tear
Raimie
As I scoured the dungeon I’d found myself in, I crept down far too many corridors, but I found nothing useful, and after ducking into a room for what felt like the hundredth time, I took a break.
What should I do? Kaedesa had said she’d answer Eledis’ challenge before we reached Daira, but we had yet to hear from her. What did that mean?
Had she decided we were rebels? If so, this might be the only time for us to escape. If not, my current search might tip Kaedesa toward an unfavorable decision. I didn’t know what to do, and my splinters weren’t helping with my concentration.
Throughout my search, they’d been jittery, holding a silent conversation, but their opposite natures made that next to impossible. So, clicking its tongue, Dim spoke up.
“We should tell him,” it said.
“Are you insane?” Bright hissed. “He’ll close it like he did with the last one, and I don’t know about you, but I despise forcing my way onto this plane of existence.”
Dim stepped toward Bright with its hand extended, almost pleading with the gesture, and my frown, already entrenched on my face, deepened when I saw that the splinter was trembling.
“He had Shadowsteal, Order. Shadowsteal,” it said. “Do you know what could happen if he retrieves it and finds out I kept something from him?”
Bright showed its opposite an enigmatic smile.
“I’d have one less enemy to worry about,” it said, “and he’d be totally mine?”
Dim froze before its body flushed.
“You asshole,” it shouted, gathering darkness in its hand.
Rubbing my face, I decided to intervene.
“Exactly what are you hiding from me?” I asked.
With its mouth gaping, Dim glanced between me and Bright, clicking its teeth together after a few heartbeats.
“You wanted him to know, otherwise, you’d never have responded, not when you knew he could hear us,” it growled, pointing at Bright. “Why did you make it so difficult?”
“I’m sorry. Have you forgotten our natures?” Bright said. “I have to oppose you sometimes. If I don’t, we might have problems.”
I was going to kill them. As soon as I figured out how to do it.
Interrupting their argument, I hissed, “What. were. you. hiding?”
After exchanging a glance with Dim, Bright hesitantly said, “There’s a break in reality nearby.”
“A tear?” I squeaked. “Where?”
Dashing forward, Dim plastered its hands over my mouth.
“I swear. You’re such a child sometimes,” it grumbled.
Narrowing my eyes, I swatted at its arms before raising an eyebrow at Bright.
“I can take you there,” it said.
It led us down several more hallways until it stood in front of a plain door. Bowing, it fluttered a hand for me to enter, and I brushed past the splinter with no comment on its theatrics.
As with the last time I’d been near a tear, a glow from an unknown source illuminated the space within. Dips and rises in the floor resembled the hills that had surrounded Allanovian’s tear, even if the tallest one here only rose to my hip, and beneath the tear, cracks radiated outward.
The tear itself was smaller than the one beneath the mountains. If I angled my hand the right way, I could get my fingers through its ovoid, not that I planned to expose so much of myself to it this time.
And of course, the light leaking from the tear’s edge defused the disquiet emanating from its center.
All of this was well and good, exactly what I’d expected. What I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the cage that surrounded the tear.
“That’s problematic,” Bright said.
“Is it, though?” I asked before Dim could say a word.
As before, I called for Daevetch’s energy, and it answered. But it didn’t just come from Dim. A wave of it cascaded from the tear, crashing into me, and I fought its influence on me.
I wasn’t sure why I was doing that, though. With this much power, Queen Kaedesa wouldn’t be a problem.
It made me reckless, made me foolish, made me arrogant, and with the way I was now, these attitudes would get me killed.
Forget Kaedesa. I could take on Doldimar with this.
Light splashed against my chest, staggering me, and the darkness I was holding fled from it, although I kept enough on hand to complete my task.
Shaking my head, I headed for the cage, only stopped when Bright leapt at me with a garbled shriek. Before it could reach me, arms appeared around its waist, holding it back.
“Do what you must,” Dim shouted, “but hurry. I can’t repel Order for long.”
Swallowing hard, I nodded before sprinting to the cage. Once there, I bent its bars like I had in my cell, and when I could fit through the gap, I flung Daevetch away from me, glancing over my shoulder.
Dim and Bright were fighting one another, rolling on the ground while they clawed at each other’s forms. Just like they had beside Allanovian’s tear. Given that, I needed to finish my business quickly.
Despite knowing this, I approached the tear with hesitant steps. Alouin had said we could talk through one of these, implying I must touch it. That should make it safe, right?
If only that logic would kick what had happened the last time I’d done this out of my mind.
Taking deep breaths, I turned my face away from the tear, lifting a finger to nauseating black-
Fear was gone. Like a mother would its child, this place wrapped itself around me, or it did so as much as it could. I wasn’t entirely there.
And that might be my saving grace. No matter that floating here imparted a greater sense of calm than I’d ever experienced before, a stream of nonsensical images and phrases flowed through me, much like last time, and this, my brain could not withstand.
“It’s time. Tell Morihei and Taro to start the rebellion.”
“Are you sure, Himi? We’re entering the most delicate part of the scheme. If anything goes wrong-”
“I’ll die. Yes, I know, Zhao. Do as I say, and remember. Once we’re through this door, I’m the empress, not Himi.”
“You don’t have to remind me, MOST BLESSED.”
What had that been? Had those been…? Had I picked an intelligible conversation out of the mush?
And why was I marveling at that when I was burning from the inside out, when Bright and Dim were fighting in the real world, when I didn’t have what I needed?
“Al-”
A coughing fit seized me, choking my voice. When had I started screaming?
“Alouin?” I croaked. “Are you there?’
Nothing changed. For- for- for-
…
“The hell is going on in here?” someone on the outside asked.
Shit. That had been bad. I couldn’t stay here for much longer, not if my mind was going to stall like that.
“Alouin!” I called again. “Come on, you bastard.”
Maybe I’d hallucinated my conversation with the god. I’d just died, after all. One’s consciousness did strange things when-
“I won’t go anywhere near that thing. You get him out.”
I should leave this place. How had I done that last time?
Someone shouted in pain.
“Hell! He’s burning up.”
A million-million voices coalesced, turning their attention my way, and I couldn’t let them see me. They couldn’t know I was here, couldn’t see me so weakened…
The place without substance went still and quiet.
“Raimie?” Alouin asked. “What are you doing here?”
Force yanked me backward, and I fell to the ground, addled beyond belief.
It hadn’t been a hallucination! I had talked to a god.
And had gotten nowhere with this attempt at it. Great.
Two guards came into view, flanking me with their swords drawn.
“What did you do?” the woman asked. “What are you?”
There was nothing but white in the man’s eyes, and seeing that, I went still.
This was not good. What conclusions were these two drawing about me? They were enemies, not allies like the Zrelnach near Allanovian’s tear had been, and they’d seen me sticking my fingers into this one.
Slowly, I raised my hands where they could see them.
“I-” I started.
“Shut up! Shut up, shut up!” the man shouted.
Oh. And they were standing next to a tear, with all of its granted panic.
They were going to kill me.
I pondered this idea for a heartbeat, and then, the woman moved, lifting her sword. Without thinking, I reacted.
Threads of light shot into their eyes, all while I wished for them to leave me alone. I needed them to go. to. sleep.
And they collapsed into snoring piles.
With a yelp, I scrambled away from the guards, only to get hit in the face with a wave of Ele from the tear. It wiped away my terror and questions, leaving only logic behind.
I should return to my cell before these guards woke up, minimizing the damage done to me. If I did that, perhaps these two’s story would seem ridiculous enough that their compatriots wouldn’t believe it.
Better to take that chance than to make a run for it. After hearing these guards’ tale, people would eventually put two and two together—especially if I didn’t encourage doubt for it—and they'd label me a primeancer. If I escaped this place, I didn’t want a mob on my trail on top of the queen’s forces.
With my decision made, I climbed to my feet, dusting myself off, before facing the cacophony outside of the cage. Dim and Bright were still at it, struggling to rend each other asunder, and huffing at their foolishness, I ignored them. At some point, they’d calm down.
After searching the guards for keys, I tossed them through the hole I’d made in the cage before stepping through it myself, closing the gap behind me. Holding the energies of both primal forces at once was uncomfortable, to say the least, but I couldn’t let go of Ele’s peace yet. So, I was quick with the bars, focusing on them instead of the war taking place within me, one that was threatening to tear me apart.
Casting Daevetch aside, I hurried into the hallway, making slow progress back to my cell. I noted the sudden silence when Bright and Dim stopped fighting, holding up a finger before they could speak.
“Don’t apologize,” I said. “You couldn’t help it.”
After a beat, Dim grumbled, “Ugh. He’s clinging to you.”
But they said nothing else until I was back in my cell.
Chapter 51: Time In Between
Raimie
As soon as I’d returned to my cell, I slammed my back into metal, sliding to the floor and bringing my knees up so I could cradle my forehead. Then, I released Ele.
As soon as it was gone, my thoughts started racing, ticking through everything that could go wrong, and with difficulty, I shoved this bubbling frenzy aside. Oh, my father wouldn’t like me detaching like this, but he wasn’t here right now, was he?
How was he doing? Had he and the Zrelnach been waiting beside Sev for this last week, trying to figure out what to do?
I hoped not. Kaedesa would probably have them wiped out soon. If they were smart, my companions would have scattered by then, although some would have stuck around regardless. Probably.
My father would be where we’d left him. He wouldn’t move until he knew where I was, which made my heart hurt. He was the only member of our family left free, which meant he was the only one likely to survive. Again, probably.
I hoped he’d move on, but knowing that man…
Sighing, I shook my head.
I thought Rhylix would linger near Sev too. He was the type to sacrifice far too much for his friends, but I wasn’t sure if we still were friends. Sure, during our ‘argument’ weeks ago, he’d insisted we were, but as time had passed, I’d gotten more uncertain about that. I’d hit him, after all, hard enough to send him flying.
I banged my head on the bars, aware that I couldn’t focus on that conundrum right now.
As for Dath and Ferin, the trainee would likely stick with my father and Rhylix, but again, I didn’t know about that. When Kaedesa had taken me and Eledis, the conspiracy hadn’t been rooted out of the Zrelnach’s ranks, and after Dath’s betrayal, its members probably wanted him dead. If he was like most people, he'd stick with allies in such a precarious situation.
Even with that, though, I didn’t know him well enough to anticipate what he’d do. He could have returned to his post, conspiracy or not.
Ferin was much easier to predict. Once she was certain Eledis and I were a lost cause, she’d march her people back to Allanovian, and I wouldn’t blame her for it.
Grimacing, I banged my head against metal again. Why was I focusing on who’d been left behind? Perhaps with it, I was distracting myself, but if so, it wasn’t helping. I should be planning my next move, not…
I rubbed my face. Gods, this saving people business was difficult.
“Are you sure you want to stay here?” Bright asked.
It and Dim were crouched beside me with concern blazing from their faces.
“I don’t know what else to do,” I told them.
They exchanged a glance, but I wasn’t paying attention. Laying on the cold floor, I tried to get some sleep.
The rattle of a key in its lock woke me up, and blinking, I sluggishly got to my feet. Eledis was in much the same state while a handful of guards were standing outside of my cell, intently watching me.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
They didn’t answer, of course, not even when Eledis started shouting variations of the same question. As soon as the door opened, they rushed me, pinning me to the bars of my cell, and I endured their pat-down of my body with many an eyeroll.
What did they expect me to do? Slaughter them? That wasn’t possible or…
Glancing at Dim, I made a face. If I’d wanted to, I could probably kill everyone here without a problem, but that just seemed… wrong.
I didn’t mention this as they marched me out of my cell, past Eledis with his red-faced shouting. We entered a staircase in the cellblock’s corner, hidden behind a door.
After a long climb, we emerged into sunlight, and I lifted my hands to shield my eyes. Once they’d adjusted, I stared down a host of swords and hollow tubes, frowning as I slowly lowered my hands.
Since arriving in Daira, I’d noticed how every guard here had a bent metal pipe hanging from their belt, but I hadn’t thought much of that, assuming those pipes were part of their uniform. From the way these people were pointing them at me now, they had to be a weapon instead.
I was a little confused, though. How could a tube kill me? Sure, the guards could beat the shit out of me with it, which would eventually accomplish that goal, but it would take a long time. Stabbing me would be much more efficient.
“I won’t attack you,” I said, displaying my palms.
Gradually, the guards lowered their weapons, and I was prodded into a garden.
Once it had surrounded us, I nearly stopped short, keeping my legs moving through sheer force of will. As we marched beside a manicured lawn, I kept my head on a swivel, barely aware that my mouth was hanging open, but awe wasn’t what had caused this reaction.
“I could swear I’ve been here before,” I said under my breath.
I watched a child version of me climb that oak tree, looking for a place to read, or race across the grass, laughing with his imaginary friend. It was a disconcerting sensation, one that wouldn’t relent. So, when a noise cracked through the air up ahead, I welcomed the distraction with relief.
As we moved along, the popping noises got louder until I realized we were headed toward it, and at my side, Bright shrunk on itself while Dim looked increasingly intrigued.
The guards led me into a section of the garden, cordoned off by trellises. Here, we found an archery range, although the practice dummies in it had blackened rings around their wounds and far too much straw spilling behind them.
Opposite this, a picnic table sat on cobblestones with a pair of attendants standing behind it. On the table, variants of the guards’ bent pipes lay in parallel fashion, but what rested above them, perpendicular to their pattern, zeroed my attention, toppling me into the most tunnel-visioned state I’d ever achieved.
Shadowsteal, the sword I’d abhorred since finding it, waited for me there, and I longed to touch it. In a blink, Dim and Bright were standing there, greedily devouring the table’s contents, before lifting avid eyes to me.
“This belongs in your hand,” Bright said.
“Claim it, Raimie,” Dim added.
I wanted to. Gods, I wanted to, even if temporarily.
But first.
Dragging my eyes off of Shadowsteal, I focused on the woman who was standing at the range’s ready line. Today, Queen Kaedesa was an entirely different person from the one who’d caught me and my grandfather in Sev. Rather than the commoner’s clothing that she’d favored then, she was wearing a magnificent gown, all silk and lace. Instead of a simple bun, her hair was piled into an intricate arrangement, and a regal air hung heavy on her now.
Hell. The Queen of Ada’ir had summoned me, not half a day since my jaunt outside of my cell. Did she know? Why had she brought me here? Oh, gods, if this was an interrogation and I was to do it alone—which really, I should have expected—then I was doomed.
Kaedesa finished fiddling with the hollow tube she was holding, pointing it at a target. She pulled on a lever, wedged into the crook of its angle, and a deafening bang ripped through the air, right as a target’s heads was blasted off of its shoulders.
“Fuck!” I shouted.
Although with my ears ringing, my voice had been silent for me.
I stumbled backward, tripping on myself, and one of the guards caught me, as if expecting my reaction. What the godsdamn hell had that been? It- it-
Swinging my gaze between the decapitated target and the queen, I couldn’t breathe; my heart was jammed so hard into my throat, and the sight of Dim, manically jumping in place, only mitigated this by a fraction.
When Kaedesa beckoned, an attendant hurried forward to take the weapon from her, all while she removed something from her ears.
“-one of Oswin’s designs?” I picked out of the world’s buzz.
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Shaking her head, Kaedesa said, “I should have expected as much. All right. Send the prototype to the smithy. See if they can recreate it.”
“And the rest?” the attendant asked.
Kaedesa glanced at the table with a frown.
“The same,” she said, “but make sure they’re lower priority.”
Bowing, the attendant said, “Yes, Your Majesty.”
She gathered the other tubes while Kaedesa faced me, clapping her hands in front of her nose.
“Ah, yes. My newest guest,” she said.
Looking me over, she scowled.
“Why is he in shackles?” she snapped. “Take them off immediately!”
The guards exchanged a glance before one of them stepped forward.
“Your Majesty, based on what happened last night, your palace guard is hesitant to leave him unbound around you,” he said. “Your safety-”
“I’ve read the report, sergeant. Even with that, I’m confident that I can defend myself,” Kaedesa said, pulling a tube out of her skirt's pocket to show him. “Plus, Raimie wouldn’t hurt me, would you?”
When she turned her eyes on me, I stiffened.
“No. Causing you harm in your stronghold would be stupid. If I tried that, I wouldn’t make it out alive,” I said, “and I don’t hurt people. It’s the decent thing to do, after all.”
Something crossed Kaedesa’s face at that, but it quickly cleared, and she waved at the guards.
“You heard him. Release him and leave,” she said with the weight of a command behind it.
With many a quiet grumble, the guards did what she’d said, and rubbing my wrists, I watched them disappear behind a trellis.
“Please, join me,” Kaedesa said.
Chapter 52: Polite Interrogation
Raimie
Squaring my shoulders, I stiffly strode to the table, folding into the chair opposite Queen Kaedesa. While she retrieved items to lay on the table, I examined her. Keeping my attention on her was difficult with Shadowsteal lying right there, but I had to decide how I should play this.
Thanks to Ferin’s etiquette lessons—who’d have guessed I’d be grateful for those?—I knew that I had options. Should I act like one of Kaedesa’s subjects, giving her deference, or would treating her as an equal be better? According to my family, I had the same standing as her, although as an exiled royal, I should offer her greater respect than I might show to someone of the same rank.
Kaedesa, however, didn’t know that I came from the Audish royal line, and I wasn’t sure if I should play that card yet. So, what should I-?
“What has your face so scrunched with concentration?” Kaedesa said.
Still wrapped in my thoughts, I said, “I’m deciding how I should address you.”
When Kaedesa burst into laughter, I went cold at the realization that I’d said that out loud.
“I- I beg your pardon, Your Majesty,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean- I wasn’t trying-”
Waving at me, Kaedesa said, “It’s fine, Raimie.”
“Still,” I said, “I must beg your forgiveness-”
“Raimie. Please,” Kaedesa said, rolling her eyes. “For this conversation, treat me like you would a passing acquaintance, setting aside rank. It tends to get in the way of the truth.”
Truth? Oh, no. What truth did she want from me?
“Over the last few days, I’ve considered the question your grandfather posed in Sev, and I’ve come to a decision about what I’ll do with you,” Kaedesa continued. “Before I can finalize that, though, I have a few follow-up questions, ones I’d rather ask you instead of your grandfather. I mean no offense with this, but he irritates the hell out of me.”
Before I could stop it, laughter overtook me, and I slapped my hands to my mouth, trying to contain it. When I could, I cleared my throat.
“Eledis usually has that effect, yes,” I said.
Narrowing her eyes, Kaedesa picked up her quill, wetting it.
While writing, she murmured to herself, “Subject refers to grandfather by the man’s first name. Interesting.”
Raising her gaze to me, she chewed on her quill while I worked through what she’d meant. Subject?
“You have questions?” I asked after a moment.
“Mm.”
Lowering her quill, Kaedesa tapped it on the table, leaving behind ink dots.
“First, a personal question,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind.”
And again, I had to decide how I’d behave. Did I stick to the polite road, or did I answer as I’d like? She’d enjoyed my previous deviations from protocol, encouraged them even, so…
Tilting my head with a smile, I said, “I don’t have much of a choice about it, do I?”
Kaedesa smirked.
“I suppose you don’t,” she said. “So. Your name: Raimie. It’s quite short for a human.”
When she stopped speaking, I frowned. Had there been a question in there?
“You’re not the first to comment on that,” I said. “What does the length of my name have to do with anything?”
“I want to know where you’ve come from. I’ve already set my spies on accomplishing the task, but why shouldn’t I explore the clue that’s been dropped in my lap as well?” Kaedesa said. “So. Considering you have a name of Eselan length, do you have traces of said race in your blood? Or was the choice simply a cruel peculiarity of your parents?”
“Wait, what?” I said, drawing back in my chair. “What do the Esela have to do with my name?”
Kaedesa stopped her quill’s tap on the table.
“Because it’s Eselan,” she said. “They use names with two or less syllables while humans have three or more. You didn’t know this?”
“No,” I said.
Why hadn’t I known? Was this another fact that my family had kept from me, or was it common knowledge, something they’d thought I’d learn over the years?
“I don’t have Eselan blood in me, more’s the pity,” I said. “Having magic would be…”
Trailing off, I shook my head. I already had magic, didn’t I? When I glanced at Bright and Dim, hovering behind Kaedesa, they grinned.
“I guess I could be part Eselan,” I mused. “My mother chose my name, and I don’t know much about her history, although I’m fairly certain she was human.”
Leaning back in my chair, I crossed my arms.
“Linking the syllables in someone’s name to their race, though? Really?” I said. “Who thinks up these stupid social norms?”
With a cough, Bright pointed at Kaedesa, who was bent over her journal, and I winced.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wander off like that,” I said. “Did that answer your question?”
“Not really, but it’s ok. It still helped,” Kaedesa said before straightening. “Thank you for the honest answer.”
I inclined my head to her, and while she considered her next question, I let my gaze drift to the sword, sitting between us. When I touched it again, would degrees of light drape over the world again? If they did, would that be the only reaction I experienced, or would something more come to plague me?
“That’s one reason I summoned you this morning.”
Kaedesa brushed her fingers over Shadowsteal.
“I found it while inspecting your grandfather’s belongings,” she said. “I already thought you were strange. Why would someone so young and bright-eyed get involved in a rebellion? But then, I saw this, a blade that clearly belongs to a seasoned warrior, and my puzzlement deepened. How did it fall into your hands?”
Should I be insulted by that question? Eledis and I weren’t ‘seasoned warriors’, but hearing that fact spoken aloud stung.
Still, Kaedesa’s question trod on a delicate subject, so in the end, I kept my answer simple.
“I found it,” I said.
Lifting an eyebrow, Kaedesa said, “Care to elaborate?’
No.
“I found the damn thing in a clearing, and within a day, my life was uprooted,” I hissed through my teeth. “I was dragged to Fissid. Once there, I escaped the town while it burned down around me, was nearly murdered, and have been on the run ever since. All because of that go- Alouin damned sword.”
Maybe if I displayed enough disdain for the sword, Kaedesa would consider it less important than it was.
“But you don’t hate it, do you?” Bright asked. “Not anymore.”
Narrowing my eyes at the splinter, I shook my head. I didn’t hate it. Because it was needed, I’d even touch the blade, but I still didn’t want to wield it. Someone else could hold that role.
“So, you admit your involvement in Fissid’s destruction,” Kaedesa said.
But her tone had changed. There was something dark in it, even if she was wearing a carefully blank mask. She stared at me as if waiting for a response, but I didn’t know what to say, which had been a common issue today.
“Well, you can’t tell her the whole truth, obviously. She smells like she’s ready to murder you,” Dim said. “Hedge.”
I’d already known that, but a traitorous part of me couldn’t follow Dim’s suggestion. The corpse-faces of Fissid’s residents were staring at me too intently for that. So, I scrubbed my eyes with a grimace.
“I had a hand in it,” I said with a thick voice.
In the silence, the snap of Queen Kaedesa’s quill was loud, and I lowered my hands to accept her wrath, only to be greeted by Dim, growling in my face.
“You’re hedging in the wrong direction, idiot,” it snapped.
“I know,” I quietly said. “Trust me. I know.”
Hissing, Dim got out of my face. The splinter had blocked my view of Kaedesa long enough for her to regain control. The only evidence of her reaction to what I’d said was a broken quill and an ink splotch on her journal’s page. She was currently drawing another quill into view with a flush to her cheeks.
“For weeks, I’ve been working on learning what happened in Fissid, trying to understand how someone could…” she said before slamming a fist on the table. “Those were my people. Good. people.”
Slowly, I breathed out, fighting with myself. I couldn’t have a breakdown in front of a queen.
“I know,” I said.
Snarling, Kaedesa scribbled messy letters in her journal before snapping her fiery eyes up to me.
“What about Paft or Lancik or Drigel?” she snapped. “Did you massacre everyone in those towns too?”
“Wha…?
Rapidly blinking, I struggled to understand what she’d said.
Lancik. Paft. Drigel. Those had been towns where my people had stopped to restock. They were gone?
“H-?”
Clearing my throat, I tried again.
“How?” I asked. “What happened to them? Please.”
Kaedesa, who’d looked ready to strangle me, paused with a confused expression on her face.
“They were burned to the ground with no survivors,” she said. “Don’t you… know that?”
No survivors. Burned to the ground. Like Fissid. But… I’d thought…
“I told you he was still hunting you,” Dim softly said. “‘His Volatility piece says hi’. Remember?”
I shot to my feet so quickly that my chair clattered to the ground behind me.
“THAT. FUCKING. BASTARD!” I roared. “Why would he kill so many people? He could have gotten what he needed without murdering them. I helped those people! Why- why would he-?”
Slowly, Dim rested a hand on my shoulder.
“His Volatility piece is… demanding,” it said. “If he weren’t under their influence, I doubt he would have gone this far.”
Gasping, I said, “That- that doesn’t-”
“Excuse what he did? Make sense?” Bright said. “No. Nothing to do with your enemy ever will.”
“Oh, gods.”
I pressed a hand to my mouth, barely holding back tears as realization hit me.
“He won’t stop,” I said into my palm. “He’ll spread a swath of death in my wake until he catches me.”
“Or until you’re strong enough to stop him,” Bright said.
Which would be never.
Dropping to my haunches, I tangled my fingers in my hair, tugging on it.
“All those people,” I said. “Alouin, all those people. It’s my fault they’re dead.”
The crunch of footfalls stopped in front of me, and someone pulled my hand free of its tangle, nudging my chin up. Crouching in front of me, Queen Kaedesa examined me with an empty expression, which I was grateful for. Even dazed as I was, if she’d shown me compassion or pity, it would have sent me over the edge.
“You didn’t set fire to my people’s villages,” she said.
It wasn’t a question, but I shook my head anyway.
“You have, if fact, killed none of Ada’ir’s citizens,” Kaedesa continued.
When I shook my head this time, my insides twinged. Even now, I could clearly see a criminal’s face, the man I’d killed during my second trial, but I shouldn’t mention that now.
Shifting to sit on the ground, Kaedesa said, “Tell me what happened.”
So, I did. I didn’t share everything, but I relayed most of what had happened in Fissid in a monotone voice. When I was finished, Kaedesa cocked her head, looking into the distance.
“Accepted as truth,” she said.
Waving at someone, Kaedesa righted my chair before helping me into it. While she circled the table, the remaining attendant pressed a glass of water into my hands, and I sipped it, waiting for the queen to finish scribbling in her notebook.
Already, I was ready for this interrogation to be over, but I knew we were nowhere close to the end. I wasn't looking forward to finding out what other answers Queen Kaedesa would demand from me.
Chapter 53: Who Are You, Really?
Raimie
When Kaedesa eventually rested her quill atop on top of her notebook, I set my cup down, ready for the questioning to continue once more.
“This man who's hunting you. Who is he? He has, in essence, declared war on Ada’ir and must be brought to justice for his crimes,” she said. “If we have a name, my army can start looking for him.”
How had I told my story about Fissid without mentioning a name?
“He’s a powerful battle mage,” I said. “Goes by Teron, I believe.”
Something shifted in Kaedesa’s eyes.
“Teron?” she said. “Chief of Doldimar’s Enforcers for the last few decades?”
With a half-shrug, I said, “Maybe? I’m just sharing what I’ve been told, Your Majesty.”
Turning inward, Kaedesa brushed her quill’s feather along her jaw.
“If it’s him, I wonder why he wants you dead,” she said.
“To get rid of a threat to Doldimar’s reign? I don’t know.”
I realized too late that Kaedesa had been directing that question at herself, not me. The flat stare she was showing me propelled me straight from a numb state to the world of the hyper-aware.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
Swallowing hard, I said, “Um.”
I looked for help anywhere I might find it, but the attendant from before was impassively gazing at me, Bright and Dim shrugged, and the target dummies had nothing to add. The reminder of Kaedesa’s tube did, however, encourage me to tell the truth.
“There’s a… foretelling about my family,” I said. “It claims that the person who found that sword—”
I tossed a hand toward Shadowsteal.
“—would return to Auden, freeing it from its conquering darkness. I assume that means Doldimar, but I don’t know how much credence I’d give it. After all, it’s a foretelling, but even still, it drove my family out of our home and drew Teron to me.”
Narrowing her eyes, Kaedesa flicked them between Shadowsteal and me.
“And who is your family to have so much attention paid to you?” she asked.
Releasing a sigh, I slumped in my chair. Apparently, I’d have to play this card.
“Descendants of the Audish royal line,” I said.
Wordlessly, Kaedesa tried to flatten me with her gaze.
“Really?” she said without inflection. “If that were true, I’m fairly certain my little birdie would have told me.”
“It’s what I’m told,” I said, glancing over Kaedesa’s head.
I also knew it to be true. Before, I’d had vague sensations in my head, making me believe the story, but sitting here, getting scrutinized by a queen and withstanding her, it was etched into stone inside of me. Centuries ago, one of my ancestors had ruled a kingdom.
A quill’s scratching drew my gaze to the table.
“Subject begins to display irrationality,” Kaedesa said to herself. “After a lengthy, logical conversation, this comes as a surprise. Perhaps the older members of his family have indoctrinated this belief in him?”
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms, which had Kaedesa looking up at me.
“Let’s change subjects,” she said before pointing her quill at me. “Tell me how you got out of your cell last night.”
Holding perfectly still, I glanced at my splinters, pleading for their help.
Huffing, Dim said, “Lie, of course. Unless you want to get strung up.”
When I focused on Bright, it grimaced.
“The insufferable ignoramus makes a good point,” it choked out.
Great. I was about to try misleading a monarch. This was just great.
“What do you mean?” I asked. “I slept on a cell’s cold floor until your guards woke me up this morning. Besides, if I’d managed to escape, would we be having this conversation right now?”
Slowly, Kaedesa lowered her quill’s point to her journal, holding my gaze as she wrote in it.
“Only now does the subject lie to me. It took longer than expected. Subject uses logic to convince me of the story he’s selling. Clever tactic, that.”
I held the queen’s gaze, but she was resolute. Eventually, I gave in.
“If I may, how would I have escaped, if I’d done so?” I said. “The only way out was through a locked door, and I can’t pick a lock to save my life.”
Resting her quill on the table, Kaedesa said, “We shall see.”
She rose from the table, and I was quick to join her.
“You’ve given me much to think on, child, and most of it was unexpected,” she said. “I’m afraid that my answer to your grandfather’s question will have to wait a while longer.”
Noting the change in her tone, I bowed to her.
“I am at Her Majesty’s disposal,” I said.
Nodding, Kaedesa gestured for her attendant.
“Have a room prepared for our new guests,” she said, “and find out who put them in a cell last night. I need to have a word with them.”
With a bow and a ‘Yes, Your Majesty’, the attendant scurried away, and Kaedesa turned her attention on me.
“You realize that if you won’t admit how you escaped last night, I’ll have to double the guard on you,” she said.
“As you should know that I’ll do my damnedest to reach my people while there’s still breath in my body,” I said.
With a smile, Kaedesa said, “We have an agreement, then.”
She extended a hand, and firmly grasping her wrist, I shook it. When I released her, Kaedesa rested her fingers on Shadowsteal’s hilt.
“You were eyeing this throughout our conversation,” she said. “Would you like to take it up once more? Once we’re done here, it’ll go into my collection.”
With a dry mouth, I said, “You’d let me do that?”
“I don’t see why not. Yes, right now, you’re my prisoner, but that’s a loose status, and if you are from the Audish royal line, unbelievable as that is, I should foster a good relationship between us,” Kaedesa said. “Besides, I have this if you try anything.”
She waggled her tube into view, and I struggled to control what was swelling in me.
“I would very much like to hold it,” I said. “Thank you for allowing it, Your Majesty.”
“Of course.”
Kaedesa waved at the table, and breathless, I reached for Shadowsteal. When I wrapped my hand around its hilt, Bright appeared center stage with Dim cowering behind it.
“Feel the whole,” it said.
I wasn’t sure what it was talking about, but something was different. It thrummed through the air, something so powerful…
Tensing, I staggered backward as a mote of light sped for me, but with its light fading, it only sunk into my body, leaving no physical sensation behind to mark its loss. More appeared—from the grass, from the queen, from the guards coming around the terrace—and as I absorbed them, the thrum around me grew stronger, falling into a beat.
I tilted my head back, shivering at the harmony running through me. This was the epitome of peace.
“Not the pistols!” Kaedesa shouted.
Snapping my head down, I barely stepped out of the way of a blade, swinging for my neck. In slow motion, the guard who’d chopped at me recovered, but I casually stepped around her, placing my hand on her chest. White light flared from me, and the guard flew toward the opposite terrace, buckling it on impact.
And all the while, motes of light… of Ele flowed my way.
The other guards converged on my position, but they couldn’t touch me. I danced among them while they moved at a snail’s pace. With a beat pulsing inside, I disarmed or otherwise incapacitated them all, although something within me refused to kill them.
Once only groaning bodies surrounded me, I examined my perfectly accomplished task with satisfaction, flicking Shadowsteal in rhythmic circles around my body.
Gods, this blade had been well-crafted. Feel how perfectly balanced it was!
“Raimie.”
Spinning toward Dim, I both rejoiced and recoiled at the sight of the splinter’s hunched state.
“The forgetful one’s still pointing a weapon at you,” it croaked.
The forgetful one? Who-?
No, wait. Someone with a weapon. Kaedesa!
Dropping Shadowsteal, I tripped over a downed guard in my haste to retreat, scuttling backward once I’d hit the ground.
“I- I- I- I-” I stammered.
What the hell had I revealed to the woman who held my life in her hands?
“I’m guessing that’s never happened before,” Kaedesa said, rather mildly.
When I nodded, she retrieved her quill and journal.
“Subject displays special abilities when using a unique blade. Perhaps I should give more credence to his claim. The Audish royals were known for their proficiency in combat, after all,” she said before snapping her journal closed. “You certainly made quick work of my guards.”
Oh… shit.
“I’m so sorry, Your Majesty,” I said. “I don’t know what came over-”
“Oh, stop,” Kaedesa interrupted. “I expected something like this might happen.”
Offering me a hand, she hauled me to my feet while releasing a piercing whistle. As another group of guards came into view, she brushed her skirt off.
“Well, this was fun,” she said. “I look forward to our next meeting.”
Turning to the guards, she said, “Take my guest to his room. He’s to be treated with respect, but while you escort him, keep in mind what you see here.”
Without a word, the guards surrounded me, and Kaedesa smiled.
“Until next time.”
Then, I was led away, completely frazzled by the last half hour.
Chapter 54: Kaedesa's Hospitality
Raimie
Thinking back on my meeting with her, I wasn’t sure why people thought Kaedesa was a violent queen. She’d been more than accommodating with me, considering who we each were, and when I’d flown to pieces after learning what Teron had done, she’d been quick to give me comfort. She’d even made sure that Eledis and I had better sleeping arrangements.
“This is nice.”
As I stepped into my new room, Dim flashed ahead of me to inspect windows with panes in them, fresh straw strewn over the floor, and the tapestry on one wall. A desk and two beds were the only furniture in the room, although another door in a corner might lead to a washroom.
Maybe I could clean my clothes in there. Alouin knew I could use that.
“What do you think?” Dim asked.
Before I could answer, the door’s lock thunked into place behind me.
Making a face, I said, “It’s a nice prison cell.”
Wandering inside, I circled the room, looking for anything I could use. When I reached the windows, I pushed on their panes, smiling when their frames swung out.
Once I was finished, I picked a bed and threw myself onto it before turning to my splinters.
“So?” I asked. “Did touching Shadowsteal-?”
Again, the lock thunked, and I slammed my mouth closed right as Eledis stumbled into the room. Righting himself, he brushed off his filthy clothes while finding me.
“Not dead, I see,” he said, lifting an eyebrow.
He pursed his lips while examining our surroundings.
“And you got us out of the dungeons too,” he said. “What on earth did you say to the queen?”
Still focused on my splinters, I huffed.
“I did nothing special, just answered her questions as politely and honestly as I could,” I said. “She seemed to like me. Found me interesting.”
“Ah, that would do it,” Eledis said. “Kaedesa’s always looking for new sources of entertainment.”
Apparently satisfied with that explanation, he strolled to the windows, looking out over Daira below.
Glancing at Bright and Dim, I winced to see them watching me with their fingers tapping. Considering how long we’d been restrained from speaking without barriers in place, I knew that my splinters wanted to share everything with me right now, but I needed to address a few problems with Eledis first.
Also, speaking with them while he was in the room didn’t seem feasible.
“We should talk about how we’re getting out of here,” I said. “Sure, we haven’t been able to yet-”
“Because you have a weak stomach when it comes to sailing?” Eledis said, crooking an eyebrow.
Scowling, I said, “Yes. That. I’m sorry about…”
I waved a hand over the length of Eledis’ body, and he barked a laugh.
“Oh, it wasn’t so bad. Kept my mind off a few old memories,” he said. “Plus, I’ll get to bathe soon enough, I’m sure.”
Well, wasn’t that a relief? I’d been convinced that I’d have to deal with a cranky grandfather while being held captive.
“So… escape?” I said.
Chuckling, Eledis said, “Oh, I’ve got something in the works, don’t you worry. It’s a plan I started when I arrived in Allanovian, but our circumstances have changed drastically since then. It might be a while before it’s ready, and that’s where you come in.”
He glanced at me while I kept a blank face in place. I was happy to hand the task of saving our lives off to my grandfather, but at the least, Eledis could acknowledge how stressful the last day of my life had been.
Not that I was ever telling him about getting out of my cell last night, especially not how I’d done it.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Keep Kaedesa entertained,” Eledis said. “Without you as a factor, who knows what she might decide about us? If she’s taken a shine to you, though, she’s more likely to think we aren’t rebels. She’ll also put her decision off for a while, using it to keep you around.”
“Great…” I drawled. “I don’t suppose you’ll give me a hint as to what the escape plan is, will you?”
Eledis shook his head.
“You can’t accidentally share its details if you don’t know anything about it,” he said.
Did he really think I’d go anywhere near that subject with people I didn’t trust?
Still, if I looked at Eledis’ point without emotion, I understood it. Why take the risk, no matter how minimal, of me spilling the secret of our salvation to the queen?
“If that’s what you think is best,” I said with a shrug.
Eledis eyed me like I was a stranger, which made me snort. He’d thought I’d protest, hadn’t he?
“I’m glad we agree,” he said. “If you’ll excuse me, I mean to ask how I can get cleaned up.”
Striding across the room, he knocked, but when the door opened, he wasn’t allowed outside. Fighting to keep still, I waited for him to go, shooting glances at my splinters the whole time, and when Eledis was told to wait in the adjoining room, I fell sideways onto my bed’s blanket.
Even now, I didn’t feel safe enough to talk to my invisible splinters. Eledis could return at any moment, and besides that, the door between these rooms didn’t look heavy. If I started talking, my grandfather would probably hear it, even if he wouldn’t understand the specifics of what I said.
It was too bad, really. I was more than eager to learn the many things that Bright and Dim couldn’t say before. Admittedly, they were probably things that would change my life again. Rhylix hadn’t been able to explain much about primeancy before our ‘fight’ had driven us apart.
Gods, I wished I could just ask my splinters my questions.
A set of legs stepped into view, and when I glanced up at Dim, they had a look of disdainful accommodation on their face.
A face that at some point, had changed from a copy of mine. The shift was subtle, so I wasn’t surprised it had taken me so long to notice, and on raising myself onto an elbow, I saw Bright had done the same thing. Why would they change like this?
“Because you asked for it, dimwit,” Dim said, rolling their eyes.
That was disconcerting. Had Dim gotten so accustomed to my facial expressions that they could tell what I was thinking?
“For the love of-”
Breaking off, Dim slapped their face.
“When will you learn what being pieces of an all-powerful force of nature means?” they groaned.
What the hell was Dim talking about? Were they trying to shove their superiority in my face again? They seemed to enjoy doing that.
“Nope! Nope, nope,” Dim said.
They strode away, pointing at Bright as they passed.
“You explain it,” they growled. “Dealing with this ignorant version of him makes me want to rip him to shreds sometimes.”
Without a word, Bright replaced Dim, although they crouched so I didn’t have to crane my neck when looking at them. It was an improvement, but I still had a splinter staring at me. If I couldn’t talk to them, now might be a good time for me to catch up on sleep. Gods knew I’d missed a lot of it recently.
With Bright right there, though, falling asleep would be close to impossible. Maybe if they moved the teensiest bit, I could ignore-
Without provocation, Bright shifted to their left, moving themselves out of my field of view.
“Is that better?” they asked. “You said you wanted to talk, but if you’ve changed your mind… if you’d rather sleep, we can wait a little longer.”
I shot upright, scooting away until my back had hit the wall. What… the… ? What the hell had that been? What-?
Wincing, Dim said, “Would you please calm down? By me, you’re annoying when you’re panicked.”
Holding perfectly still, I glanced between my splinters.
You can read my mind? I cautiously thought.
Shifting in place, Bright said. “Ah… not exactly.”
While, with a mischievous grin, Dim said, “Yes.”
That had not helped. After a moment with me expectantly staring at them, Dim made a face.
“Ok, fine. They’re right. We can read your mind of a sort,” they said before poking Bright. “You’re no fun.”
Bright flinched away from the Daevetch splinter, making Dim’s grin turn malicious.
“What is it, oh most predictable of bores?” they asked. “Afraid I’ll hurt you? I promised I wouldn’t. Don’t you trust me?”
They gave Bright the biggest of puppy dog eyes, and the Ele splinter looked right back with thinly veiled disgust.
“Considering that your whole includes Deception and Manipulation, no. I don’t trust you,” they said through gritted teeth.
Throwing a hand over their heart, Dim said, “I’m hurt.”
They then proceeded to poke Bright again, and desperately in need of answers, I’d had enough.
Would you two godsdamn SHUT UP and EXPLAIN yourselves? I shouted internally.
Spinning toward me, both splinters clamped their mouths closed while simultaneously trying to speak, and I watched this with narrowed eyes. What were they playing at?
Wait. If they could hear my thoughts, they would have heard me shouting, and considering how they looked now…
Had something forced them to do as I’d commanded? What…? No, better question. Why?
But why was I focusing on that when my splinters were in distress?
Stop! I didn’t mean it, I said.
Slumping, Bright coughed into an elbow.
After a moment, they rasped, “Thank you.”
Meanwhile, Dim was bent double, heavily leaning on my bed.
With my eyes pinned on them, I said, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t trying to… Can- can I make you do things, even unintentionally like that?
Dim jerked upright with a vitriolic comment on their tongue, but the look on their face softened when they locked eyes with me.
“Of course you can, you absolutely dense human. To a degree,” they said instead. “How have you survived as a primeancer for so long without knowing basic information like that?”
Narrowing my eyes, I said, I haven’t had many chances to learn these things, have I?
For some reason, this quelled Dim’s anger even further.
“No, you haven’t,” they quietly said.
...What did that mean?
Before I could ask, Bright said, “Can we return to the question at hand, please?”
Right. How my splinters knew what I was thinking.
“You needn’t worry, Raimie. We can’t read your mind in its entirety,” Bright said. “We only catch thoughts that are related to the wholes or that you direct at us.”
Relaxing, I scooched forward a bit.
Well, that’s a relief, I said. No offense, but I wouldn’t want either of you in my head that deeply.
“Oh, trust me. We wouldn’t want it either. Or I wouldn’t, at least,” Dim said. “Humans are so… complicated.”
Cocking my head, I said, And you aren’t?
Dim drew themselves up.
“I obey my nature,” they said. “You fight it at every turn.”
“Again! We’re getting away from the point,” Bright said before a fight could break out.
Yes. The point, I said. Why didn’t either of you tell me about this before now? It could have been so useful over the last few weeks.
Indulgently smiling, Bright play-ruffled my hair, which I endured with a glare.
“You, most wonderful human of ours, are unusual,” they said. “Most people find speaking with their thoughts uncomfortable.”
Plopping on the bed, Dim kicked at the air while leaning back to stare at me.
“It’s because humans like the sound of their own voices,” they said. “Most of the time.”
Snorting, I said, I can think of one human in particular.
Eledis had been in that other room for a long time. Should I check on him?
Humming to myself, I shook my head. He was more than capable of taking care of himself.
Talking like this will take some getting used to, but under certain circumstances, it’ll be worth it, I said. Like right now.
Flashing a smile, I leaned my elbows on my knees while pressing my palms flat against one another.
Did it work? I asked. You’ve been mentioning new things like ‘the wholes’, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything. So, can we talk without that annoying buzz getting in the way?
Exchanging a glance with Dim, Bright said, “I… think… so.”
“I hope so,” Dim said. “You, most unique of people, are a horrible primeancer. We need to fix that.”
And we will. Hopefully, I said. But first, let’s test what we can talk about.
While Bright crossed their arms, Dim rolled onto their stomach, cupping their chin.
Lazily swinging their legs in the air, they asked, “What do you want to know?”
Chapter 55: The Primal Forces' Desire
Raimie
“What do you want to know?” Dim asked me, as mischievous as ever.
“Hmm.”
I had plenty of questions for my splinters, ones that I meant to tackle when I could, but for now, I needed a small number of them, ones that would show us how far we could push our communications boundaries. Given those parameters, deciding what to ask took very little time.
I assume splinters are attracted to a human or Eselan for a reason, one that involves each force’s purpose for said person. I have three questions related to this, I said. First, why were you two attracted to me? Second, what do Daevetch and Ele want from me and last…
Rubbing my hands together, I stared at them.
It’s obvious that you have something planned for me as well. So, lastly, I want to know what that is.
From the way they’d frozen, I’d have thought Dim and Bright had gotten stuck between this world and wherever Ele and Daevetch existed. They’d even stopped pretending to breathe.
Turning to Bright, Dim said, “He went straight to the heart of it.”
A smile crossed Bright’s face, one that managed to look proud and sad at the same time.
“I’ve always said that he was bright,” they said.
“For my sake, now is not the time for puns,” Dim said. “I do rather like that one, though.”
Pulling away from Dim, Bright said, “Ugh. Don’t make me sick. What will do about this, though? Those questions…”
Flinging their head back, Dim groaned at the ceiling.
“We answer them, dingbat. Obviously,” they said. “Besides, if we didn’t, our human would get pretty pissed at us. He can hear what we’re saying, or haven’t you noticed?”
Bright snapped their gaze to me, and grinning, I fluttered my fingers at them. I hadn’t felt the need to interrupt their discussion. Not only had it been entertaining but in their distraction, my splinters might have dropped information that they’d otherwise keep to themselves.
“Clever tactic,” Dim said, playfully punching my arm. “I approve.”
Sticking my tongue out, I rubbed my arm as if it had actually been hurt.
So? I said. Do I get answers or not?
Scowling, Bright said, “I suppose you should. You’ll need… no. You deserve to know the answers to these questions.”
Only slightly ominous.
Lifting an eyebrow, I said, Ok…?
Bright shifted to their other foot, sighing.
“For your first question, the answer is that we don’t know,” they said. “Most splinters are attracted to a specific quality of their person, gradually drawn in until they’re attached. For example, Perpetuation might be attracted to someone who maintains a strict schedule on a daily basis. With you, we were just… there. No attraction period at all.”
On the bed, Dim clapped and cooed—“Oh, well done”—and taking a step toward them, Bright thrust a finger at their counterpart.
“Don’t you start,” they growled. “I am walking a delicate line here. Don’t make it worse for me.”
Innocently blinking, Dim said, “But isn’t that my job?”
Dim… I sighed.
I didn’t have the patience to deal with more splinter bullshit, not of the squabbling variety at least. Most of the time, I enjoyed it, no matter how irritated I might act, but I was so close to real answers. I couldn’t have anything delaying it.
Wincing, Dim nodded at the unspoken rebuke.
“So, purposes next, right? Ours and the wholes,” they said. “Let’s start with the more difficult one. Ind. Square here and I-”
They waved at Bright.
“We believe that… you… can… do… something more… than what the wholes want from you.”
Those first few words had looked like they’d literally been forced out of Dim, as if each of them had been a tooth extracted from their mouth. After getting as far as they had, they were left panting, barely holding their head up.
The wholes that you’re talking about are Ele and Daevetch, right? I asked.
“That’s what you lot call them, yes,” Bright said, wrinkling their nose.
Can you disagree with them like that?
I hadn’t thought that was possible, but if it was, it could make for an interesting dynamic between splinters and their primal forces.
“We shouldn’t be able to,” Bright said.
Well, there went that idea.
“It’s never happened before, not like this at least,” they continued, “but things have never been as bad as they are now.”
As bad as they-?
No. I couldn’t get distracted. First, I needed the questions I’d already asked answered in full. Then, I could consider other mysteries.
So, what SPECIFICALLY do you two want from me? I asked.
As if they hadn’t expected me to dig deeper, Bright blanched at the idea of answering me, stumbling away from the bed. Conversely, Dim tried so hard to speak, but when a first noise came from them, their form shivered and shimmered, and they collapsed into the bed’s blankets.
Stop! I shouted. Gods! What-? Can you answer that question without keeling over?
With a hand pressed over their mouth, Bright vigorously shook their head, and after a long moment, Dim twitched, although they remained face-down on the bed.
“Kid, each of us is an insignificant piece of a whole, trying to defy the rest of it,” they said. “Our existence derives from our wholes, and we’ve decided on a course of action that might break us from them. Yes, we’re having trouble with talking about it.”
Then, don’t! I hissed, pressing my balled fists into the bed. Hell, in case you haven’t noticed, I can live with uncertainty like this. Don’t stress yourselves for no reason.
Chuckling, Dim rolled over before carefully sitting up.
“It’s cute that you’re worried about us,” they said. “Nauseating, but cute.”
“Well, I, for one, find it admirable,” Bright said. “Thank you for your understanding.”
Yes, well, I said, scratching my jaw. Perhaps- perhaps we should move on?
Because receiving compliments from these incomprehensible beings made me… uncomfortable. To say the least.
“Right, you had one more question. The wholes’ purpose for you,” Dim said before glancing at Bright. “You want to take this one? I’m still feeling a bit off.”
Making a pathetic face, they rubbed their stomach, nice and slow, but even I could see that their arm was shaking.
“I suppose it’s only fair,” Bright said through their teeth.
Turning to me, they said, “It’s quite simple, really. Each of our wholes wants you to choose a side in our Eternal War, thereby banishing your other piece, before joining the fight.”
...What?
With an eye twitching, I glanced between my splinters, one who was steady and supportive and the other, so fun and mischievous, and I thought I might be sick. Ele and Daevetch wanted me to choose, to pick one so that the other had to leave me. I wasn’t sure when I’d started thinking of my splinters as people, but I had, and the thought of losing one…
“No,” I growled with my jaw clenched.
Leaning toward me, Dim cupped their ear.
“Sorry,” they said. “What was that?”
With no memory of having reached them, I was on my feet, barely keeping my fists at my sides instead of swinging at an unseen enemy, and a red filter had fallen over my view of the world.
“I SAID NO!” I roared. “I’m not doing that. I’m never doing that, and if Daevetch and Ele, your fucking wholes, think that they can make me choose, they can go straight to the void.”
I was breathing hard while the world’s red tinge faded to pink, but before I could think too hard about what I’d done, Dim slipped off of the bed. With tears shimmering in their eyes, Bright joined them, and pressing their hands to their hearts, the two bowed to me.
“Our desperate hopes and never-to-be-realized dreams once more entrusted to the Balancer,” they intoned.
A chill raced up my spine, and with a sip of air, I leaned away. This felt…
Déjà vu. Why did I have such a strong sense of déjà -?
The door to the adjoining room banged open, letting Eledis barrel into the room, half-clothed.
“Raimie!” he shouted. “Where’s the-?’
Rapidly blinking, he froze, glancing around, and his inscrutable eyes soon landed on me.
“Were you just shouting at an empty room?” he asked.
Flushing, I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Sorry. Got a little frustrated while thinking about everything that’s happened,” I said. “I don’t have the luxury of an untamed forest to yell in anymore.”
After a moment more of staring, Eledis slowly nodded.
“Give me some warning the next time you plan on doing that, will you?” he said. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Of course,” I said.
“Good. That’s-”
Shaking his head, Eledis turned to leave, but he paused before going back through the door.
“Maybe get some sleep?” he said. “You look… We can’t have you acting erratically around the queen.”
Which was as close as he’d ever come to saying he was worried.
“That’s probably wise,” I said.
When I glanced at my splinters, they were sedately standing at my side, as if oblivious to what they’d caused. As he disappeared again, Eledis seemed just as in the dark, and ignoring the carefully blank expressions on Dim and Bright’s faces, I dove into bed. I could demand more answers from them when I woke up.
Chapter 56: Sneaky, Sneaky
Raimie
I’d been doing this for three months, but even still, when I opened a window for tonight’s escapade, I looked out over Daira’s landscape with longing. It was rather beautiful, and as I had every night since Kaedesa had dragged me here, I wondered why I was seeing it again.
Escape would be so simple for me. Gods, I could hear it calling, but Eledis said he had a plan, and I trusted my grandfather.
“Get a move on, would you? We don’t have all night.”
I glared at Dim, which only made them giggle. If I wanted to, I could stop their delight. Weeks ago, I’d learned that if I wanted to insult the Daevetch splinter, I should be pleasant to them rather than nasty, but pissing them off didn’t seem like a good idea right now.
Instead, I drew on Daevetch, having its energy coat my hands like gloves, and Dim shuddered. Shaking my head at them, I climbed out the window so I could make my way down the castle wall.
The first part of my descent was easy with windowsills and buttresses serving as hand and footholds. Once those ran out, however, I had to hope that I could find a trail of holes—created over the weeks by Daevetch—to reach the ground. Otherwise, I’d have to make a new one.
Tonight, that wasn’t necessary. Soon enough, I jumped from a last perch, rolling when I hit the ground, and after dusting myself off, I glanced up at my room’s window with my hands on my hips.
I’d had to escape from my room unnoticed for about two months now, all part of my antics to keep the queen entertained. Despite every new and fantastic primeancy technique I’d learned over the last three months, this escape route would soon be discovered—how could it not be?—and when that happened, I wasn’t sure how I’d slip past my guards unnoticed.
The first few times I’d done this, I’d walked past the man, fast asleep on duty, who’d been watching my room. When he’d been replaced, I’d fooled a few of the new guards into thinking I was a servant, tending to the prisoners, before they’d known better, and once or twice, I’d gotten out during a shift change, but in general, that window had been my best way of escaping. Who’d believe that someone could survive a climb as impossible as that?
“Raimie, your timeframe…”
I know, Bright, I said.
Quietly racing through the castle’s grounds, I considered tonight’s destination, ignoring how uneven that made my breathing. It wouldn’t be like my trips to Kaedesa’s library, rumored to be one of the most extensive book collection in the world.
I’d been doing a lot of research there, mostly on things that might help me and Eledis escape—like a castle floorplan—but I’d also looked into other subjects of interest, such as primeancy or what little I could find on Doldimar. I’d even done more reading on etiquette, to my dismay, and on a single night, I let myself investigate certain foretellings as well as… as…
That night, I’d spent far too long tearing through the library, seeking a single mention of the Balancer. My splinters hadn’t been pleased by my poking around and I…
Besides that single night, I didn’t let myself think about that. Not anymore.
In addition to the library, I’d thoroughly explored the castle, frequently visiting its barracks. I’d needed a space where I could practice the skills Rhylix had taught me, but I didn’t go there often. It was too dangerous.
Not nearly as dangerous as what I had planned for tonight, though.
Kaedesa’s interest in me was waning. Where we’d spent hours together at first, discussing my life or other nonsensical things, she hardly ever called on me lately. Not only that but from what I could tell, her court’s disposition toward me wasn’t favorable. Given how highly they influenced their queen, I was pretty sure of my coming fate, once she’d made up her mind about it.
So, I’d decided to try something drastic tonight.
Having reached the door I needed, I nodded for Dim to scout ahead. I didn’t exactly trust the Daevetch splinter—they were far too mischievous for that—but unlike a certain someone, they’d do as I asked, at least in this area.
Bright, as usual, ignored my annoyed stare, but tonight, they also had their head cocked with a look of concentration wrinkling their face.
What is it? I asked.
Jumping, Bright gasped, flinging a hand to their chest.
“Sorry,” they said, licking their lips. “I have a suggestion for tonight’s activities, but I wasn’t sure… I was considering what the whole would think of it. Our… someone important to us uses the technique but it’s-”
Sneaky? I interrupted. Or that’s what I’d assume, considering what we’re doing tonight.
Nodding, Bright said, “And that’s very… of the enemy.”
Ah. The excuse that had interrupted my training so many times in the last few months. The one I was coming to despise.
With as much patience as I could muster, I said, Why don’t you share your suggestion anyway? Let me decide whether to take it. You should know I won’t abuse my powers by now.
Bright made a face.
“You have resisted Chaos’ influence admirably well,” they said.
And yours, I added with a grin.
With their expression souring, Bright said, “And mine.”
They turned to the door, keeping silent for so long that I worried Dim might return before they got their words out.
“Tell me again how it feels when you draw from my whole’s life source,” they eventually said.
Frowning, I said, There’s a point in you that’s distorted from its surroundings, and behind… or maybe through it? I don't know. On the other side of this point lies a well of unending peace and contentment, both with the world and with myself. I suck a bit of that to myself and-
White light briefly washed over my raised finger, circling my hand before it disappeared.
Now, what’s this about the whole’s life force?
“Interesting,” Bright said before wincing. “Technically, when you bring a bit of the whole to the physical plane, you’re contributing to its slow depletion.”
I just blinked at Bright.
Are you telling me I’m killing off a god when I use Ele or Daevetch? I asked.
“Technically, yes,” Bright said, “but-”
There’s no ‘but’ to something like that, Bright! I shouted. That’s awful! Gods, I should never touch primeancy again-
Bright slapped me. The blow didn’t actually land, so it didn’t hurt, but it did surprise the hell out of me, enough to shut me up.
“Get ahold of yourself, and let me finish! I swear. Humans and their emotions,” Bright hissed. “Like I was saying, both wholes’ life forces are basically infinite, or that’s how it would appear to you. You could never come close to draining one. Your primeancy use is comparable to when a mosquito tries to drain your blood. So, stop freaking out.”
A mosquito? Really?
Crossing my arms, I said, Fine. Why did you have me explain something like that?
“I had a reason for it, but I have another point to make before sharing,” Bright said. “The wholes infuse all of reality, from the ground beneath your feet to the air that you breathe, right? So, why can’t you see them?”
Unwilling to make a guess, I shrugged, but Bright didn’t seem to mind. In fact, they started pacing in front of me, randomly gesturing like Ferin had once done during her lectures.
“The physical plane covers us up. We influence it every way we can: through natural disasters, preying on living beings’ emotions, or through our primeancers,” they said. “We can’t, however, exert full control here.”
Tapping a finger on my elbow, I drawled, Fascinating. What does that have to do with anything?
Stopping, Bright wildly gestured around them.
“Everything,” they said. “It has everything to do with-”
Clicking their tongue, they sighed while rubbing their forehead.
“Look. As a primeancer, you bend the physical plane through me and Chaos, your splinters, thereby reaching through this layer of reality to touch the wholes,” they said. “You can also bend the physical plane, or reality, around yourself, essentially hiding behind the veil like the wholes do.”
So… I can make myself invisible like you, I said, which is just… holy shit, that’s awesome.
I was having a hard time with containing my excited squeal.
How do I do it?
“Draw the point you feel in me around yourself like a bubble,” Bright said. “You can manipulate your source as well as the wholes’ life forces.”
That would have been mighty useful to know before now, I said. Why didn’t you say something?
At that question, Bright looked distinctly annoyed with themselves.
“I didn’t think about it,” they said. “The technique is only useful for hiding people or things, like how Shadowsteal was concealed for so long, and besides that, the only primeancer who’s used it in recent days is… well. Your Rhylix.”
Shadowsteal had been hidden beneath the physical plane when I’d found it? If that was true, then how had I seen it?
However that question was answered, Shadowsteal’s state back then would explain why I’d fallen flat on my face when trying to pick it up for the first time. Why had my second attempt succeeded?
Shaking my head, I asked, Is this manipulating my source thing something I can only do with you? Or can I use the point in Dim as well?
Bright went still.
“You could use your source to the enemy’s whole as we’ve discussed,” they said, “but I would advise against it.”
Raising an eyebrow, I drawled, Why…?
Shifting in place, Bright picked at something on their nails.
“Using Chaos in that way would make you go insane more quickly,” they said.
Go insane? I shakily smiled.
I thought you and Dim weren’t recruiting for your wholes, I said. You seem to like that I won’t pick a side.
“No, we definitely want you undecided.”
Spinning, I nearly had a heart attack on seeing how close Dim had come to my back. While I caught my breath, the splinter stuck their tongue out.
“And the predictable one is right,” they said. “Primeancers on my side have unbelievable power at their disposal, but they all eventually go barking mad.”
Jerking forward, Dim barked like a dog, snapping their teeth in my face, and stumbling backward, I fell to the ground, which had the splinter roaring with laughter.
“You- you’re good to go inside,” they gasped, wiping tears from their eyes. “No one in sight for quite a ways.”
Carefully getting to my feet, I let out a long, slow breath.
“Ele it is,” I said.
With their eyes flying open, Dim said, “Wait, what?”
Ignoring them, I reached for my source in Bright. It was resistant to me, disinclined to stretch like I wanted, but after a few unsuccessful tugs, I got it around my body, sealing it where it joined together.
“Oh,” Dim said, slumping with relief. “Oh, I see. That’s brilliant, kid, and kudos on not using me. That would have been an interesting experience for you.”
Smirking, I said, Wasn’t my idea.
“Really?” Dim said, drawing their eyebrows together. “Then, who-?”
Beside me, Bright threw two fingers in a wave, and Dim made a funny noise before gagging.
“Nope!” they said. “Nope, I take it all back.”
Bright chuckled under their breath, although they frowned when they noticed my unabashed staring.
Did it work? I asked. And if it did, why can I still see you? Wait. Should I be able to see you?
“So far as I can tell it worked, but the only way we’ll know for sure is to test it,” Bright said. “As for seeing me… should we get into that now, considering your timetable?”
When I refused to move, they sighed.
“Fine. I’m your source, yes?” they said. “That means I’m surrounding you right now.”
I tried to hide how much that idea made my skin crawl, although I wasn’t sure if I succeeded with it.
With a sour look, Bright said, “As you know, what you’re seeing isn’t truly me. My true form is-”
Something that I never want to see again, I interrupted, remembering a war between light and darkness, viewed long ago.
Pausing, Bright flicked their eyes to Dim, whose countenance and bearing had gone grim.
“I hope you’ll never have to,” Dim said before turning away.
“The point, though, is that these human projections you’re seeing? They’re representations of us. Not real,” Bright continued. “So, why would they always appear where we’re located in the moment?”
After thinking for a moment, I said, They’re shown to make me comfortable. How much of what you do is for my comfort?
Dim spun toward me with a snarl.
“What’s it matter?” they growled. “You’ve wasted enough time talking. I swear to me, I’ll make your life miserable if you waste the time that I spent scouting, so chop-fucking-chop.”
They double clapped in my face, and with a single glare, I eased the door open a crack, ready to start the difficult part of tonight's trip.
Chapter 57: Staying Alive
Raimie
Once I was inside the castle, I crept through it on silent feet, perfectly aware that while I might be invisible, other people could probably still hear me. When I ran across my first guard, I froze while she strolled past, yawning. I cringed in place until she disappeared around a corner, and after she had, it took considerable effort not to release my held breath in a burst.
I was invisible. Actually invisible. That was… gods.
As I hurried toward my goal, I could swear I was on top of the world. Every time Ele and Daevetch started to feel commonplace, another application came around to remind me that I had magic.
Hell, if only the Raimie who’d just learned he was a primeancer could see me now. It was amazing how drastically using primal energy had changed my view on it. I’d never forgotten what a death sentence it would be, if I was ever found out, but before that happened, I would enjoy this.
Once I reached my destination, I leaned against the wall opposite a set of doors, waiting for the coming guard change. I’d been here a few times before, but it had always been with an escort. Fortunately, figuring out the castle guard’s shifts had been fairly simple, which had surprised me. Shouldn’t security for a queen be… better?
For a little while, I’d thought the patrol patterns were so predictable because Kaedesa’s famed spies, most notably her Hand, gave her an extra line of defense, but in the time I’d been here, I hadn’t seen a sign of one.
Keeping to the shadows was, of course, part of a spy’s job, but seeing nothing in three months? That seemed strange.
What did I know, though? Court life and political intrigue were still new to me.
The next shift’s guards soon arrived, but before the two they were replacing could leave, the new arrivals had to secure their assigned room. When they entered it to make their check, I slipped in behind them. I waited until they’d left before letting my source retract to its starting point.
“All right,” Dim said beside me, rubbing their hands together. “This will be fun.”
Rolling my eyes at them, I started my search of Queen Kaedesa’s bedroom. Hopefully, I’d find Shadowsteal here.
I’d looked everywhere for it: the throne room, the entrance hall, Kaedesa’s personal weapons collection. Nothing. When the queen had first summoned me here several weeks ago, I’d noticed the plethora of finely crafted weapons scattered across her bedchamber, but I’d never gotten a chance to inspect them, and I’d delayed with searching this place because…. well.
It was the Queen of Ada’ir’s bedroom.
But with things looking desperate, I found myself here, breathlessly examining a familiar room in the dark of night. Without light to illuminate it, it felt more cavernous than it had in the past, and I took trepidatious steps across its woven rugs, starting a slow circuit of the room.
I passed a wardrobe, vanity, and divider, flushing at the memory of when I’d accidently seen Kaedesa changing behind that last piece of furniture. As always, when I passed King Belqarim’s portrait, I bowed, ever giving respect to the man who’d led this kingdom when I was born. Kaedesa, of course, got much more of my esteem, given all the shit that she’d had to put up with in the years since, but even still, I bowed to her deceased husband.
As I made my way to the doors that led onto the balcony, I found many wonderful and fantastic instruments of death, but none of them were what I sought. Before I knew it, I was a few paces from the room’s bed, and the sight of Kaedesa, asleep with her hair splayed around her head, stopped me short. I’d never seen her so unguarded before.
“Go on. You know you want to get in there with her,” Dim said with a wicked grin. “Imagine what that smart mouth of hers could do if you gave her the right nudge.”
I snapped my head to the splinter, half aware of Bright popping from behind Dim to my side.
“You’re disgusting,” we hissed together.
Dim only laughed, as if they’d told a brilliant joke, and I wanted to slap them silly. Before I could, however, Bright puffed up, seeming to tower over Dim, and the Daevetch splinter took a step back.
“No,” Bright growled. “I will… ignore many of your despicable habits, but you will not do or say things of that nature when around me, or our association is over. NO.”
With saucers for eyes, Dim slowly raised their hands.
“Ok. Understood,” they said. “I’m sorry.”
No, you’re not, I said.
But then, I squinted at a small table beside the bed. A stack of journals, much like the one Kaedesa had used during our first meeting, was sitting on it. Over the last three months, I’d seen her using those on and off. I’d always wondered what she was recording in them.
Flashing a grin, Dim said, “I’m glad at least you understand me.”
“Ugh. I can’t even-”
Vigorously scrubbing their face, Bright released a frustrated shriek into their hands while I glided around the bed.
Stop, Bright. They can’t help their nature, I said, and now that they know how deeply we dislike that sort of behavior, they won’t do it again.
Picking up the topmost journal from a stack of them, I flipped it open, frowning at what I found. Unintelligible scrawl filled the page—a shorthand, maybe?—but it was organized into entries, each labeled by date. Unlike with most private journals, however, there was a lengthy entry for every day of this week, and as I continued flipping through the journal, this trend continued. How curious.
Disappointed that I wouldn’t get a deeper look into Queen Kaedesa’s mind, I replaced the journal.
“Balancer,” two voices breathed behind me.
I jerked toward my splinters so quickly that I nearly knocked the journal stack over. Dim and Bright were staring at me with the same aura of fragile awe that they’d worn months before, apparently having forgotten their recent argument, and a shiver ran down my spine.
Don’t do that, I snapped. If you insist on turning into resentful assholes every time I bring that word up, then you don’t get to talk about it either.
I’d gotten past the sitting area in the room’s corner before either of them replied.
“I suppose that’s fair,” Bright said.
You SUPPOSE?
Something about a weapons display, hanging from the wall ahead, caught my eyes, and I hurried toward it. This search was taking too long.
“It is fair,” Dim sighed.
Rolling my eyes, I said, Thank you.
But then, I recognized the sword in front of me, and I forgot my splinters. Reverently, I lifted Silverblade off of the display it had been hanging from with my lips parted.
How had this gotten here? That Zrelnach… Jeme had said she’d get it into good…
A slip of parchment, attached to the sword’s cross guard, fluttered to the ground, and for a moment, I stared at it, scowling. How had I missed that?
Absently, I tucked Silverblade under my arm while retrieving the piece of paper. Unfolding it, I froze when I saw that the note inside was addressed to me, but then, my eyes were flying over its words.
Raimie,
It is with great sorrow and regret that I must inform you I’ve come to a decision about your status in my kingdom.
First, I want you to know that this was not my first choice. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed having you here. Hearing about everything you’ve done while in Daira—my librarian’s outrage at your intrusions in their workplace my favorite bit of mischief by far—has been a joy, and as I’ve come to know you, I’ve grown to like who you are. Your intelligence, ingenuity, and wit put my courtiers to shame, and from the glimpse of it that you’ve shown me, I know your kindness is vast. I would hate to deprive the world of such a talented youth.
I’m afraid, however, that this is what I must do.
Outside forces have pressured me into this decision, people who believe you’re a rebel. After our time together, I know that even if you are one, it was a role you unwittingly accepted, but I haven’t convinced others to share my certainty.
Thus, this note. I’m hoping that soon, you’ll come to collect what’s yours, and when you find it missing, you’ll accept this gift, along with my message, instead. I know it’s not the blade you wanted, but it’s what I can surrender for now.
Raimie, please heed my words. Flee while you can. Leave the old man behind because he isn’t who you think he is. Unlike you, my decision about him was made long ago.
So, I beg you. For once, think of yourself first, and save your life.
Thank you for the most diverting few months that I’ve had in years. May we meet again under more favorable circumstances.
-Kaedesa
“Shit,” three voices muttered together.
I dropped the note and ran. Bursting through the doors, I heard guards shouting for me to stop, but I’d soon left them behind, careening through the castle.
Frantically, I pulled my source around my body. Yes, my slapping feet were echoing down the corridor, but if a possible hostile couldn’t see where I was coming from, it would give me a slight advantage.
When I reached the hall my room opened onto, I didn’t stop. I barreled for the guard stationed outside of it, even as he turned toward my clatter. At the last second, I dropped my bubble, and the guard’s eyes sprang open, right as I tackled him.
I was upright the second we hit the ground. Taking hold of the guard’s head, I smashed it into the flagstones until he went limp. Then, I pressed my fingers into his neck. On feeling a steady pulse, I slumped over him for a moment, catching my breath, but as soon as I could, I leapt to my feet.
Barging into my room, I shouted, “Eledis, that plan of yours better be ready because we need to-”
Clicking my teeth together, I pulled up short, teetering in place. In front of a cracked-open window, Eledis was sitting in our only chair, and a man wearing a military uniform was standing over him.
Chapter 58: What Have You Been Up To?
Rhylix
I cannot live under the control of a god.
After a long day, I trudged into the safe house, pushing my hood back and stretching out the kinks I’d gained over the many hours I’d spent hunching. My unusually tall height had always been an affliction, especially when I was blending in, and it had especially been a burden over the last three months.
“Rhy! You’re in the way,” someone drawled behind me.
With a faint smile, I stepped aside, letting a teenage boy blaze past me, so he could start pounding up the stairs.
“Training as soon as you’ve changed clothes, Dath,” I called after him. “I’ll be up shortly. You’d better be practicing your forms by the time I reach the roof.”
“I knoooow,” Dath groaned before disappearing.
For perhaps the millionth time, I found myself stunned by that boy’s existence. Given my luck, I’d expected Aya and Gistrick to find Dath dead on the night they’d gone to rescue him. Instead, they’d found him unharmed and furious with a gag in his mouth. Apparently, he’d been shouting too many insults at the ‘true traitors’, as he’d called the Zrelnach who’d followed the Council’s orders, for them to leave him ungagged.
After they’d snuck him into Sev, I hadn’t been sure how to greet Dath, hesitating until the boy had rolled his eyes and pulled me into a hug. The kid’s ridiculous energy levels had yet to relent to this day.
Sighing, I climbed the stairs at a much slower pace, ducking into my designated room as soon as I reached the top.
I didn’t need to change or anything like that. Even if I hadn’t been playing the safer role of teacher during Dath’s nightly training sessions, I wouldn’t wear armor for them, as it would only slow me down. No, I was in here with the door closed behind me for privacy.
Answering my silent summons, Creation popped into being as I sank onto the bed.
Throwing an arm over my face, I said, “Well?”
“According to your ally’s Order piece, things in Daira remain stable,” Creation said. “Raimie’s apparently pulling some harebrained scheme tonight, something to do with the queen’s bedroom? I’m not sure. They were, as usual, extremely brief in their visit to the whole, which makes the information I pull from them garbled. They did stick around long enough to leave a clear message for you, though.”
Of course they had. When Bright had first started leaving messages for me, I hadn’t been sure why they were doing it. After listening to the third one, however, I’d recognized what the ‘messages’ were and had dissolved into a laughing fit that had seemed to last forever, all while Creation had looked on with annoyance.
Peering under my arm, I smirked at their currently guarded expression.
“So?” I said. “What is it this time?”
Stiffening, Creation cleared their throat.
“When we were examining a portrait today, some uppity noble walked in on us,” they said. “He obviously wanted something, heading straight for Raimie like he was a servant, but before the man could speak, Raimie asked a question he’d been pondering. The noble gave him an answer before launching into a lecture about Ternidian, the artist who’d painted the portrait, and how he was also a famous scholar. During the explanation, Raimie patiently nodded along, but at the end, he pointed to a plaque below the painting, asking if Ternidian was another name for the Malnashem who was listed. I’ll let you speculate on what happened next.”
“Oh, gods.”
I could barely breathe. Having started snickering halfway through the message, I slapped at the bed, desperately trying to control myself.
That had been one of the better ones. I needed the dry updates that Creation gave me, but I loved these brief glimpses into Raimie’s life in Daira. I hadn’t had a friend for so long that I’d forgotten what missing one was like.
“Apparently, Raimie mentioned you today,” Creation said. “Order didn’t think it was important but…”
How did they know the best ways to bring me down? I wasn’t unhappy that Creation had shared this, the opposite in fact, but hearing that Raimie might miss me too was both endearing and sobering.
Sitting up, I rubbed my face before swinging my legs over the bed’s edge.
“Anything else I should know?” I asked.
“Nothing to do with Raimie,” Creation said, “although I’d suggest that you hurry your rescue plan along. The situation in Daira may be stable now, but it will soon boil over.”
Nodding, I said, “I thought as much. Don’t worry. Everything’s almost ready. I have only one more item to address.”
Creation was silent for a concerningly long time.
Before I could check on them, though, they said, “Ferin?”
Stiffening, I pushed down the wash of hurt rising in me, bracing on the bed’s edge. I was still taking steadying breaths when Creation stepped into view.
“I’m sorry,” they said.
But then, they were gone, and I fell back on the bed with my head dangling from the other side. I lay there for a while, blankly staring at the ceiling.
When I eventually gathered myself, I headed for the roof. Flat with a knee-high crenellation running around it, it made a perfect place for weapons training, even if its white-painted adobe reflected the sun’s heat.
Dath was here, practicing sword forms like he’d been told, but he wasn’t alone. For the moment, Aya was doing my job, correcting the kid when he made mistakes, while Gistrick watched them work.
Aramar was sprawled across the roof in a corner, which had me wincing. No matter what sort of adjustments I made to the device that let him walk, nothing had eased his pain or stopped his body’s flailing. Those twitches only paused when he was sitting down, so he’d been doing a lot of that lately, to the point that I wondered if he wouldn’t be better off without the device.
Near him, Ashella was perched on the crenellation with her half-Eselan… lover? Business partner? I’d never figured out what their relationship was, but whenever they were together, he was standing beside the newly made guild leader, as quiet and unobtrusive as always.
And that was everyone who’d been involved with my activities over the last three months. Seeing them gathered in one place, I stopped short, wondering if I could sneak inside before anyone noticed me.
For weeks now, I’d known a confrontation like this was coming. I’d been delaying it with every trick I could, but when Dath glanced over and his face lit up, I knew it was time to face them.
“Rhy!” the kid shouted. “Everyone’s here! Isn’t it great?”
“That’s one word for it,” I said to myself.
Meanwhile, Aya smacked Dath upside the head.
“What in the void makes you think you’re finished?” she snapped. “I should make you run laps for such a lapse in concentration.”
Snapping his head to her, Dath growled, “You’re not my teacher.”
“No, but I am,” I said.
Gliding over the roof, I sank to the floor beside Aramar.
“And I say that you do as you’re told.”
Groaning, Dath glared at Aya through narrowed eyes, snapping his body back into position, while the others converged on me and Aramar. Once everyone had made themselves comfortable, they eyed me.
I wasn’t sure when my role had transferred from plan maker to leader, but I steered the group now, which was disconcerting. Ever, I’d worked in the background, moving within my ally’s shadow. With Raimie gone, though, the methods I usually took had gotten me noticed. The rest of the group expected me to run these meetings.
Sighing, I said, “Can I get your reports before we address the topic we’re here for?”
“So long as we get to it eventually,” Aramar said.
As the months had dragged by, that man had been getting understandably crankier. I couldn’t imagine what having a child held prisoner was like, let alone when that imprisonment could turn into an execution at any day.
Given that, I’d been surprised by how civil Aramar had been throughout this. Not once had he questioned my instructions, but everyone in our group could feel the tension and anxiety that he was always leaking, growing in strength every day.
“We will. I promise,” I said before moving on. “So. Ash? How goes propping up Sev’s government?”
One of my first tasks after learning Kaedesa had taken Raimie had been to strengthen Sev’s standing. If the Robzul city state closest to Ada’ir became noteworthy practically overnight, its meteoric rise would distract Kaedesa from Raimie, and the more affairs of state stole her attention, the longer he lived.
So, I’d set Ashella on the first half of that project. She and her thieves guild had been loosening the stranglehold that the bankers and merchants guild held on Sev.
Considering that the city’s main source of income had always been the tariffs they placed on visiting ships, the city’s governors had, until recently, gleefully exploited any and all who passed through their waters, but the last few years had seen the bankers, merchants, and other ship captains banding together to resist this treatment. Their strategy had been effective enough that Sev’s current governor had started pandering to them, afraid of driving them away, and to make up for the resulting loss of income, she’d significantly raised taxes on the average city dweller.
Like most short-sighted people, she hadn’t realized why doing this had either driven her citizens into poverty or had them leaving in droves. Tax the people as heavily as she had and people started hoarding their coin, spending it only on the things that they needed. Businesses that relied on excess coin, like jewelers or butchers, dwindled away to nothing, and thus started a chain reaction. Without a continuous flow of revenue, an economy withered, or it did in a small population like Sev’s at least.
To counteract this, Ashella and her thieves had been stealing from the merchants and bankers guilds. For the most part, they’d taken information, to be spread throughout the city. The hope had been that no matter their affiliation with a guild, Sev’s merchants would use this information to sabotage each other, and to this point, the strategy had worked.
Mostly.
“Our oh so mighty leader is being an idiot, as usual. She’s released another proclamation about our thievery, increasing the city guard’s presence in the streets instead of on the wall,” Ashella said. “No little ones for you to rescue tonight, Rhy. They’ve all come home, safe and sound.”
“I’m still dying to know how you get them out of lockup,” Gistrick said.
“And you’ll continue to wonder,” I said, settling against the crenellation with a smile. “I have to keep some secrets.”
Frowning, Ashella asked, “Why?”
I narrowed my eyes at her. Why did she always insist on causing trouble?
“Because I do,” I said.
When Ashella opened her mouth again, her half-Eselan associate rested a hand on her shoulder, squeezing, and she grimaced but said nothing more.
I glanced at the other two men, unsurprised to find them indifferent to Ashella’s goading. Gistrick would understand the necessity of maintaining secrets, Zrelnach warrior that he was, and Aramar already knew how the little ones had been freed from lockup most nights, considering how many times he’d gone with me to do it. He, after all, was the only one here who knew about the secret that could see me dead.
“I’m glad the kids are safe. Also, if I were you, I wouldn’t worry about the governor, Ash,” I said. “The election’s coming up, right? I doubt she’ll be in power once it’s over.”
Frowning, Ashella said, “Why would you think that? The ignorant cow has already finagled her way through three elections, despite how unpopular she is.”
“Yes, well. She’s never had me opposing her,” Aramar said, straightening. “Let’s just say that this time, her power base isn’t as strong as she might think.”
Ashella looked down her nose at him.
“And where did you find the time to destabilize her along with everything else you’re handling?” she asked.
“I’ve learned how to operate on less sleep than most people need,” Aramar said. “It gives me a lot of free time.”
Ashella kept giving him a side-eyed look, making him sigh.
“Look. You spend years waking up to your son screaming because of his nightmares and then, tell me you’d need a full night’s rest,” he said. “That’s the wonderful thing about humans and Esela. We adapt to our circumstances.”
Having rocked away from him, Ashella blinked at Aramar. Even I was a little surprised by his intensity. It was like he’d released a week’s worth of agitation in a few sentences. Before things could become more combative, I lifted two fingers, drawing attention my way.
“Plus, I’ve helped him, the same as I have with everyone else in this group. Remember. Our little project is a team effort,” I said, “but speaking of our goal, why don’t you tell us how things went with our militia today, Aramar?”
Forming one had been the second half of our effort to strengthen Sev. The main problem afflicting the city was the near constant pirate attacks that Sev’s city guard worked to repel. A large portion of its tax money went to training replacements for casualties and the like.
I’d been using any coin stolen from the banking and merchant guilds to arm Sev’s population, or any of them who were willing to fight for their home at least, and Aramar, who was a better teacher than I’d expected, had been training them.
This militia would have to appear on the wall at the start of a battle and fade away once it was over. Until a new government was established, citizens couldn’t come to the city’s defense. Doing so was quite illegal, so the militia had been training anywhere the city guard’s presence was lacking. When the pressure to defend the city had eased, perhaps some of the tax money currently given to those guards could go toward revitalizing Sev instead.
“I don’t have much else to teach them, not as one man who’s instructing dozens of people at least,” Aramar said. “During the first few attacks, the militia will probably struggle, but once they’ve gotten through their initial fumbling, they’ll do all right.”
“Honestly? That’s better than I expected,” I said. “Seems you’re chock full of hidden talents.”
With a small smile, Aramar said, “You have no idea.”
Gistrick snorted at that, which made my eye twitch. Aramar and his Zrelnach friends were hiding something, although I had no idea what it could be, and even though this shouldn’t bother me, it did.
As usual, however, I ignored it in an effort to avoid conflict. Aramar wouldn’t mind me asking him questions, although I doubted he’d answer them, but the Zrelnach…
They had history with me, and while Aya and Gistrick had been nothing but pleasant to me since we’d started working together, most of what lay in our past wasn’t good.
Still, I turned to Gistrick.
“And how are things with your comrades?” I asked.
Despite my initial projections, Ferin and the Zrelnach had yet to leave their encampment outside the city. Neither Gistrick nor Aya had figured out why they’d stayed, but I suspected that in response to my group’s activities, Queen Kaedesa had requested they hold position, which might have an unintended benefit.
Our two, allied Zrelnach had spent most of their time in that camp, recruiting for Raimie. For the most part, they’d had partial success with this. Save for a small number who were fiercely loyal to the Council, the Zrelnach had been eager to offer their support. Their only reservation was…
“Ferin’s all that’s holding us back,” Gistrick said. “In recent years, she’s been the one reasonable person on the Council, and she’s our commander. The Zrelnach love her.”
And we’d returned to the topic I’d been avoiding for weeks.
“If you want the full loyalty of the Zrelnach, Ferin…”
Trailing off, Gistrick swallowed hard, avoiding my eyes.
“She has to go,” he said.
None of them would look at me.
“We can’t abduct her? Take her somewhere until a new commander is appointed?” I said.
“That’s not how it works, and you know it, Rhy,” Aramar said. “The commander of the Zrelnach stays commander until their retirement or death and when that last one happens-”
“The rank and file have to see proof of death before a new commander can assume the role, yes,” I snapped. “It’s a fine way to minimize power struggles within the ranks, but it’s certainly not helping us now.”
Rubbing my temples, I listened to my companions’ silence, hating my circumstances for once more bringing me a choice like this.
“While Ferin lives, none of the Zrelnach will swear their loyalty to Raimie, no matter how much they might want to,” Gistrick said, “and he’ll need us. Where else will he find trained soldiers, willing to cross the Narrow Sea with him?”
“I know that,” I said.
Dropping my hands in my lap, I tilted my head back, taking in a perfectly blue sky. Here I went again, helping people murder a perfectly decent woman because my ally needed it.
“I-”
“Are you two asking Rhy to kill someone?” Ashella asked with her nose wrinkled. “Because that won’t happen.”
Oh shit.
Frowning at her, Aramar said, “That’s not exactly what we were thinking but… still. What do you mean?”
“Ash…”
Damn, she looked perplexed, glancing between Gistrick and Aramar with her associate carefully watching her.
“You two don’t know?” she said. “Rhy can’t kill Ferin.”
Understanding dawned in the men, and Gistrick reached over to pat Ashella’s knee.
“I’ve seen Rhylix fight before,” he said. “I can assure you that he’d defeat Ferin in a fight, hands down.”
“Ash!”
Batting at Gistrick’s hand, Ashella crossed her arms.
“You don’t understand,” she said. “Whether he’d win in a fight doesn’t matter. I’m telling you that Rhylix literally cannot-”
Shooting to my feet, I shouted, “Ashella! Stop!”
Whatever Ashella saw in me had her skittering backward while her associate dove in front of her with a knife drawn, but I didn’t back off.
“I think it might be best if you checked on the little ones, yes?” I said with my voice ice. “They rely on you, and everything else we must discuss today concerns only the people who mean to leave Ada’ir soon.”
Ashella slowly nodded, accepting her associate’s hand up when he offered it. They descended into the safehouse while I struggled to wrangle my temper under control. What she’d been about to reveal was the one true thing that I’d told her about myself, something I’d shared in confidence, and she knew how fragile my trust was.
She knew.
Still, I’d never seen her so afraid before, and we’d done a lot of dangerous shit when we were kids. Once this meeting was over, I should apologize.
I should probably thank her associate too. That kid had thrown himself out of the inconspicuous role he normally took, all to keep Ashella safe, and I knew how difficult that could be.
First, though, I needed to handle everyone else on the roof. Gistrick and Aramar were staring at me with their faces closed off while Aya had her sword half raised but Dath…
Dath eyed me with his lips pursed and his eyebrows drawn together.
‘Are you ok?’ he clearly mouthed.
And I wished that lightning would strike from the sky, killing me. How had I let someone get so close?
When I nodded, Dath relaxed, nudging Aya, and once she’d shifted her focus to him, I met Aramar and Gistrick’s eyes.
“Before you do anything, I want to talk to Ferin first,” I said. “Maybe I can get her to reject the Council’s ruling.”
Best not to dwell on what had just happened. Best to move on as quickly as possible.
“The last time I saw her, she almost abandoned it.”
Aramar shifted in place, clearly wanting to voice an objection, but I spoke over him.
“I want to talk to her.”
Sighing, Aramar nodded while Gistrick said.
“Ok.”
Focusing on the one-armed man, I said, “I’ll need to borrow a set of Zrelnach armor.”
Contrary to what I’d anticipated, Gistrick simply nodded.
“You can have mine,” he said before pausing to look me up and down. “If it fits.”
No objection? That was surprising.
“I thought for sure that you’d be uncomfortable with me wearing the uniform,” I said. “I’m a drop out, after all.”
Shrugging, Gistrick said, “Rhylix, over the last three months, I’ve learned what sort of person you are. If anyone deserves to be called a Zrelnach, it’s you.”
Hell. How did I respond to that?
“Thank… you…” I tried.
But the words felt strange in my mouth.
Shaking myself, I said, “I’ll speak with Ferin tonight, and in the morning, we can discuss what we’ll do with her. Once we’ve dealt with her, we can go save Raimie.”
If Eledis’ plan hadn’t started before then, of course. Over the last three months, I’d been working on alternatives, given that I had no idea what the old man was thinking. The reports Bright had been giving me about it had been even sparser in detail than everything else they typically shared.
In any case, I’d rather not implement said alternatives unless I must, as most of them didn’t have pleasant consequences for me. I’d rush into one immediately if I thought it was warranted, but until then, I'd rather hope that Eledis' plan would work.
“And how, exactly, are we doing that?” Aramar asked.
Shaking my head, I said, “One thing at a time. Ok?”
With a loud sigh, Aramar nodded.
“Wonderful,” I said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready.”
“Good luck,” one of the two grumbled.
I wasn’t sure which of them it was. By that point, I’d reached Aya and Dath.
“May I borrow him?” I asked her.
Speculatively watching Dath, who was fighting to keep his attention on what he was doing, Aya made a face.
“I don’t know, Rhylix,” she said. “He could use another lesson in discipline.”
“Oh, trust me,” I said, “With what I have planned, he’ll be getting that.”
I started for the stairs without waiting for Aya’s response, and as expected, Dath soon came clattering after me.
“We’re going out again?” he asked.
“In a bit,” I said. “I have to speak with Ashella first, but then, we’ll leave.”
I sincerely hoped that this outing wouldn’t end with Dath’s spirit broken again, like it had been after Lyli’s death. If I had any say in it, that would never happen, whether this evening or far into the future, but I was also realistic.
Tonight could be the last thing needed to shatter him.
Chapter 59: Goodbye, Dear Friend
Rhylix
Especially not one whose sole aim is to destroy creation.
Sneaking into the Zrelnach camp was almost too easy. With our armor matching the people around us, Dath and I weren’t questioned as we strode to where Ferin had erected her tent.
It wasn’t just the uniforms, though. For three months, these soldiers had sat around, waiting for orders that had never come. Boredom had withered their normally impeccable attentiveness.
Reaching the tent didn’t take us long, but when it came into view, I winced. Someone was standing guard at its flap. At least it was someone I’d never treated in my clinic before, so we stood a chance of remaining unrecognized.
As Dath and I approached, the woman watched us, resting her hand on her sword’s hilt.
“You have business with the commander?” she called.
Nodding, I jerked my thumb at Dath.
“He’s just returned from the capital. Apparently, he has a message from the queen,” I said. “I’d like to make sure the commander gets it, if you don’t mind.”
And all the while, I prayed that I knew Ferin as well as I thought I did.
“Oh, good. Maybe we’re finally going home,” the guard said, lifting the tent flap. “Go on. You know how antsy the commander’s been about getting these messages as soon as possible.”
“Tell me about it,” I said.
Taking Dath’s elbow, I escorted him inside, and here, he had his first true reaction to what we were doing. When confronted with the woman who’d ordered his death, he backtracked into my chest. It didn’t matter that she was sleeping. Dath was set trembling at the sight of Ferin.
I squeezed my hold on him, giving him a reassuring smile, and he stopped trying to retreat through me, although he didn’t relax. He stepped aside, letting me come further into the tent.
Ferin was sprawled across her desk, fast asleep, and seeing such vulnerability on her face made me wince. I could recall with perfect clarity the years that we’d spent training together, sleeping in the same barrack. I remembered staying awake to stave off nightmares and watching Ferin snore. How I’d wished to join her in that blissful oblivion!
How we’d changed since then.
Drawing my dagger, I strode to her, touching the tip of my blade to her throat before kicking her boot. Snorting, she rose from the desk with my dagger following her. Once she was fully awake, she reached for her own weapons, but when a sharp edge tapped her skin, she raised her hands, glaring at me.
“What are you doing here?” she snapped.
“Talking some sense into you,” I said before gesturing to Dath. “You remember my friend, yes?”
When Ferin glanced at the boy, something unreadable flickered over her face, but she nodded.
“He and I have a few things to say, and you are going to listen,” I continued. “He’ll go first.”
I gestured for Dath to join us, and taking a deep breath, he did so.
“Go on,” I said once he was by my side.
Shooting a confused look at me, Dath hesitated, but soon enough, he started speaking.
“I understand what you did. I can’t say I agree with your motives but threatening me? I get why you did it.
“What I don’t understand is why you’re so intent on opposing Raimie. Yes, you’re protecting Allanovian. That’s well and good, but as a Councilwoman, you’re also supposed to listen to the people you represent.
“For you, that’s the Zrelnach, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed—I’m not sure how you could have missed it—but the Zrelnach want to be a part of Raimie’s crazy quest. You’re the only thing stopping them because unlike me, they’re not ready to abandon their loyalty to you.
“Please, listen to us, Councilwoman. Please, listen to me, one of your people who’s willing to sacrifice everything for Raimie’s cause. And… that’s it.”
Dath glanced at me with a sheepish look on his face.
“How many times have you heard me practicing that speech?” he asked.
Shrugging, I said, “Enough to know it was good and that you needed to say it here.”
With his face reddening, Dath muttered something incoherent while Ferin turned to me.
“And you?” she asked. “What do you have to say?”
I looked down on this woman who for years, had been my only ally, who’d been a companion when I’d most needed it, and I knew I could never see her dead. She had to see reason. Now.
“Have you realized how much of a mistake you’ve made yet?” I asked.
Normally, a question like that would have turned Ferin indignant, but tonight, she flicked her eyes away from me. While chewing on her lip, she slowly nodded.
“I should never have gotten Kaedesa involved with this. I thought that handing a human problem to a human monarch would be best, but she’s had me and my people sitting here for months with our supplies slowly dwindling,” she said. “Instead… instead, I should have brought the Council’s concerns to Raimie and Aramar. Definitely not Eledis. I should have worked with the younger two… but I didn’t, and now, look at the mess I’ve made.”
I stared at Ferin for several heartbeats, searching her for deceit, before sheathing my dagger.
“Then, do it now,” I said. “Come with me to meet Aramar. While you’re with him, I’ll keep you alive, and together, we can figure out how to help a boy we’ve all come to love. Once he’s safe, we can discuss how Allanovian and the Zrelnach might contribute to freeing Auden, even if that’s with nothing at all.”
With her eyebrows soaring, Ferin blinked at me.
“I… would like that,” she said.
Inclining my head toward the tent flap, I said, “Then, let’s go.”
Ferin sprang to her feet, flinging a cloak over her shoulders. When leading the way out of the tent, she paused beside Dath, hesitantly taking his hand.
“I am truly sorry,” she said. “I’ll do my best to make it up to you.”
Swallowing, Dath nodded, and Ferin left it at that, hurrying toward Sev.
When we were far away from the Zrelnach encampment, she slowed down, jerking her head toward Dath as she met my eyes.
“How much do you trust him?” she asked.
That was an interesting question, coming from her.
“I trust him more than I do most people,” I said.
Absently nodding, Ferin curled her chin to her chest, slowing down even more. When she stopped short, I cocked my head. What on earth was she doing? Had I somehow walked into a trap?
“What’s going on, Ferin? We should keep moving-”
“I have a question about what happened on the day of the coup,” Ferin blurted. “I saw something… impossible. Something-”
She lifted determined eyes to me, and I went cold inside.
“Something about you,” Ferin finished.
Beside me, Dath stiffened, which made me stop breathing. Did he know what she was talking about?
Halfway certain of what I’d hear, I drawled, “Ok…?”
“Are you…?”
Chewing on her lip for a moment, Ferin examined me. Several times, she started speaking before stopping, but eventually, she took a deep breath.
“Are you a primeancer?” she rushed to ask.
My heart stopped. Nervously laughing, I glanced between Ferin and Dath.
“What?” I said. “What are you-? Where did that-? That’s ridiculous!”
“As ridiculous as you flying toward Sev? Alouin, your speed was impossible, Rhy. As ridiculous as the splashes of light I saw rising from your feet?” Ferin asked. “I don’t think anyone else noticed these things but-”
“I did,” Dath interrupted. “Like I’ve witnessed similarly impossible things while following you around for these last three months. I’ve been wondering the same thing.”
I let my mouth flap, too focused on my racing thoughts to stop it.
With this accusation, I wasn’t worried for my own safety. Escaping two people, even ones as well-trained as Dath and Ferin, would be simple. The loss of everything I’d worked for since Raimie had been taken, however… that would hurt.
“Don’t worry about me, Rhy,” Dath said. “I’ve suspected for months and haven’t said a word.”
He’d made a good point. After this, maybe I could trust him to treat me the same as before but Ferin? I wasn’t so sure about her.
And I wasn’t sure whether I could successfully allay their suspicions.
“Rhylix,” Ferin said. “I don’t care. I just want to know.”
Yes. That sounded like the woman I knew.
As I considered the possibility of answering her question truthfully, however, Creation popped into being beside her.
“I advise against this,” they said.
They’d never liked me sharing what I was, and considering the disasters that had come from doing such things in the past, I could understand Creation’s hesitance. So, perhaps I shouldn’t share everything with these people. Perhaps I should impart a partial truth instead.
With Creation vigorously shaking their head, I said, “Yes, I’m a primeancer.”
For the briefest of moments, I drew Ele to my hands, and the flash of it forced Ferin and Dath back a step. When it faded, however, they looked at me with the widest of eyes, and I worried that I’d made a mistake.
Then, Ferin pressed her hands to her lips while Dath bounced on the balls of his feet.
“That… was… amazing!” he said.
With a soft smile, Ferin met my eyes.
“Perhaps Raimie has a chance at overthrowing Doldimar after all,” she said. “We should-”
From the corner of my eye, something zipped past, jerking Ferin’s head back when it hit her. She crumpled to the ground before I’d registered what had happened, although a distant part of me already knew.
Dragging Dath behind me, I scanned the dark, but when nothing more emerged from it, I spun toward him. Gripping his shoulders, I forced him to look at me rather than at what was lying at our feet.
“Are you ok?” I asked.
Dath’s eyes were wild with his breathing coming in sips, and I tightened my grip to get him focused.
“I’m… not hurt,” he said.
Good enough for now.
“I know you’re rattled,” I said. “I know this is your first time…”
I couldn’t finish that thought.
“I need you to keep watch for me, all right?” I said instead.
Dath nodded, freeing me to acknowledge what I’d been silently screaming denial of.
Ferin was still lying on the ground with an arrow shaft jutting out of her face. She was currently turned away from me—thank the gods—but… I had to know. Crouching, I rocked her head toward me, and my breath caught.
Once I had her resting comfortably once more, I roughly dug my knuckles into my eyes before collapsing. Drawing my knees to my chest, I buried my face in them, hugging my legs.
Time skipped for me, but after who knew how long, the echo of familiar voices drew me back, and I lifted my head off of my legs.
Ferin was lying in front of me with her eyes closed. Someone must have removed the arrow that had been in one of them.
Dath was nearby, wildly gesturing at Aramar and Gistrick, with his body shaking. Strangely, I didn’t hear his shouting. All was silence for me.
When I climbed to my feet, it spun Dath toward me, but when he rushed my way, I brushed past him. I stopped in front of the others, staring at them until they shifted in place.
“This was unnecessary,” I said, hearing my voice as if from a distance. “She was going to join us.”
Shaking his head, Gistrick said, “Wouldn’t have mattered. We couldn’t have trusted her. Once a traitor, always a traitor.”
Almost, I sent him flying with a blast of Ele, but instead, I turned my gaze on Aramar, who already looked like shit, and his bow.
“I thought she was threatening you,” he said. “I saw-”
He nervously flicked his eyes to Dath and Gistrick.
“I saw something, something you’d only do in an emergency, and I acted. By the time I figured out what had happened, it was too late,” he said before dropping his gaze to the body. “I didn’t mean-”
Breaking off, he bit his lips while his bow thumped to the ground, and I could taste boiling acid as it crept over my tongue, just waiting to be spewed forth. So, I took calming breaths before speaking.
“I appreciate your concern, but I have not, do not, and will never need you to protect me,” I said. “Now. I intend use Ash’s smuggling route to get into the city. I do not want to see you for a few days. While I’m gone, you will get the Zrelnach’s shit together. You will deal with the mess you’ve made, and while doing so, you will treat her with respect. Am I understood?”
Both men opened their mouths to speak. I lifted a finger to stop them.
“Don’t say a word. I’m not sure if I can listen to your voices without doing something I’ll regret,” I said. “Just nod.”
When they did, I didn’t deign to respond.
Striding toward Sev, I called, “Dath, you’re welcome to join me if you want.”
I wasn’t sure if he decided to come, too wrapped in a familiar numbness to hear his footsteps.
I’d hoped that this time, maybe, just maybe, the people around me would be spared from the mayhem that inevitably accompanied me. It looked like I’d been wrong.
In a fog, I strode toward a blaze of dotted firelight ahead, once more cursing my existence. Days like this made me wish I could still get drunk. I could use the forgetfulness that alcohol imparted tonight.
Chapter 60: Escape
Raimie
The military man, looming over Eledis, didn’t seem surprised by my sudden entrance. In fact, his eyes pierced into me with something like fascination, and if I hadn’t been so on edge after reading Queen Kaedesa’s message, I might have found this curious. As it was, I wrenched Silverblade out of its scabbard before advancing on the hostile in our midst.
“Damn, Eledis,” the stranger said. “You didn’t tell me how much he’s grown-”
He was cut off when I shoved him into the wall.
“Stay away from my grandfather,” I growled.
With a soft chuckle, the military man said, “He has the proper bearing too. That’ll be helpful.”
Again, his words choked off as I slammed him into stone.
“Eledis, a little help?” he squeaked.
Wait. That was the second time this man had used my grandfather’s name.
With a sigh, Eledis got to his feet before laying a hand on my arm.
“He’s an ally,” he said.
Which meant… shit.
Releasing the military man, I retreated several steps before bowing with Silverblade pressed against my leg.
“Please, forgive me,” I said. “With the way you were standing, I thought you were threatening Eledis.”
“Um…”
On the edge of my vision, I watched the military man lean toward Eledis.
“You should probably teach him about proper decorum again,” he said.
Again?
Eledis merely shrugged, which had the stranger turning back to me. Crossing his arms, he examined me with his eyebrows drawn together.
“Please, don’t bow to me, Your Majesty. I’m not worthy of it,” he said. “Plus, it’s your right to discipline a lowly subordinate as you see fit.”
Slowly, I straightened. Your Majesty?
From where they’d been hiding, Bright and Dim flanked me. Both of them watched the stranger with narrowed eyes.
Does he mean…? I said.
“Maybe,” Bright said with a frown.
“But he could just be showing respect for your family,” Dim added before leaning forward. “Either way, sucks to be you.”
With twitching lips, I resisted the need to roll my eyes.
You’re an ass, I said.
As a genuine smile spread across Dim’s face, they flourished an extravagant bow.
“Why, thank you,” they said.
While Bright groaned, I focused on the men shuffling in front of me.
“I don’t like being called ‘Your Majesty’,” I said before focusing on Eledis. “You plan on introducing us?”
While chewing on his lip, Eledis drawled, “Certainly.”
He clasped the stranger’s shoulder.
“This is my good friend…” he started before turning to the other man. “Are you sure you want to go by that name? Perfect opportunity to change it here.”
Flushing, the stranger said, “It’s what everyone knows me as. Get on with it.”
“Well, that’s not suspicious as hell,” Dim said while Eledis shook his head with a sigh.
Mm. Can’t ask about it now, though, I said.
Again, Eledis slapped the stranger’s shoulder, hard enough for him to wince this time.
“This is Marcuset,” he said.
At that, I cocked my head. Was there something wrong with that name? It was a little unusual, to be sure, but-
“Raimie, the queen’s note,” Bright said.
Right. The threat to our lives.
“I don’t suppose you’re one of the people who’s been helping with escape plans, are you?” I asked.
That would be godsdamn lucky, something I’d never been, but I had to ask.
With an odd look on his face, Marcuset said, “We’ve been meeting in that capacity since you arrived here, Your Majesty.”
Again, with that honorific.
Huffing, I said, “What unusual luck. Hopefully, it’ll carry through the night.”
I sheathed Silverblade, hurrying to retrieve a belt. While I buckled it around my waist, Dim excitedly bounced on my bed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eledis asked behind me.
As Dim’s antics grew increasingly erratic and distracting, I glared at them while responding.
“When I was in the queen’s room tonight, I stumbled across my sword, obviously, but I also found a note attached to it. In it, Kaedesa shared that her decision about us has been made and that we should run. Considering I don’t know when she penned the note, I thought we should get out while we still…”
Having turned to Eledis and Marcuset, I was struck silent by their guarded expressions, fighting the urge to draw Silverblade again.
“Why were you in ‘desa’s room?” Marcuset asked.
Oh… they’d thought…?
Gods, what sort of horrible person did they think I was? And on the tiny chance that I had been planning to do what they were considering, did they really think Kaedesa couldn’t defend herself?
“I was looking for Shadowsteal,” I said. “The queen’s gotten bored with me lately. I thought that if I made Shadowsteal disappear, it would catch her interest.”
“Ah.”
Marcuset and Eledis relaxed, which had me crossing my arms. I wanted to call them out for making assumptions, but any berating I might unleash could wait until we were free of Daira.
Frowning, Marcuset glanced around the room.
“If you were in ‘desa’s room, then that means…”
His searching eyes landed on me.
“How did you get out of here unseen?” he asked.
…Shit.
Gliding forward, Bright stared at Marcuset with an intensity that scared me.
But after the shortest of breaths, they said, “You can tell him. He’s not radiating anything that’s of the enemy.”
Which was reassuring. Still, it was best if I was vague. I pointed at a window, still cracked open.
“I left through there,” I said.
Striding to the window, Marcuset leaned through it before jerking back inside.
“How?” he asked. “Unless…”
He glanced at Eledis.
“Has he…?”
Shrugging with one shoulder, Eledis said, “Maybe. There have been signs, but I can’t be sure until-”
What in the void were they doing?
“Can we have this conversation once we’re out of the castle?” I asked. “I wasn’t subtle when getting back. In fact, I’m surprised the castle guard hasn’t come to check on us. Who knows when they’ll tighten their security?”
“They won’t. Not tonight, at least.”
Leaning against the wall, Marcuset grinned at my bewilderment.
Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “Why wouldn’t they?”
“Because I told them not to,” Marcuset said with his grin widening.
…Where the hell had his deference gone? I was glad it had disappeared, but that was annoying right now.
Rapidly tapping my foot, I asked, “And why would they listen to you?”
As Marcuset opened his mouth to speak, Eledis pinched the other man’s wrist.
“Stop, Em… Marcuset,” he said. “Just tell him.”
For some reason, this sobered Marcuset. He pushed off of the wall before bowing to me.
“I am the commander of Ada’ir’s armed forces,” he said before glancing up. “Until the queen says otherwise, they’ll do as I order.”
That certainly explained why he and Eledis weren’t panicking.
“Get up,” I absently snapped.
If Marcuset served Kaedesa, then why was he helping Eledis? Because of their friendship? And if that was the case, where did his loyalties lie?
Speaking of friends, how had that happened between these two? Not counting the difference in age, one had held a prominent position in Daira, and the other had lived in anonymity on the other side of the kingdom for as long as I’d been alive.
Scrunching my eyebrows together, I swept a finger between them.
“How…?”
With a faint smile, Eledis said, “We weren’t always who we are now. Your father and I did have lives before you were born.”
“As did I,” Marcuset said before shaking his head, “but we should focus on the present, not the past. No matter that we’re not as rushed as you believed, you were right about needing to leave. It’s why I was here, talking to your grandfather.”
“You’re sure the rumors are true, then?” Eledis asked.
Lifting his eyes to the heavens, Marcuset said, “Yes, I’m sure, and everything’s ready to go. Loyal soldiers are waiting-”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “What rumors?”
Stiffening, both Marcuset and Eledis shifted in place, which only made me more wary.
“Before you arrived in Daira, several of the realm’s villages had been wiped out, yes?” Marcuset asked.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
“Yes?” I said.
Refusing to meet my gaze, Marcuset said, “In the last few weeks, we’ve had more incidences like that, all of which are headed toward Daira.”
Slowly breathing out, I closed my eyes, fighting to stay grounded. Detaching wasn’t a good idea right now, and I shouldn’t visit that state unless it was needed.
Why didn’t you say anything? I asked.
“For two reasons,” Dim said. “One, I didn’t know. I haven’t returned to the whole in a while.”
Even unsure what that meant, I said, Why not?
“Because, ya dingus, being part of the whole is uncomfortable for me as I am, and it changes me,” Dim said. “Besides, if I’d known what was happening, how would telling you about it have helped? Reason number two right there, by the way.”
With another deep breath, I opened my eyes to find my Daevetch splinter.
That’s fair, I said.
Then, I turned my attention to the mortals around me.
“So, after months of inactivity, Teron’s finally coming for us,” I said. “Why are we still here?”
After exchanging a glance with Marcuset, Eledis said, “Shadowsteal. We haven’t found it.”
For a moment, I could only blink at him.
“And?” I said.
“And the foretelling about Doldimar implies that you’ll need Shadowsteal for your role,” Eledis said. “Seems important that we don’t lose it when it’s just been found.”
“What’s the point of a foretelling if we’re dead before fulfilling it?” I hissed. “If Shadowsteal’s so necessary for our goal, then the sword will eventually return to me. This is given, of course, that the lot of you are right about who I am, but even if I’m not, we should get out of a city where we’re not only condemned criminals but have a battle mage coming after us.”
If Eledis argued with me, I swore that I was going to learn what happened when Daevetch was propelled through a human.
“I wouldn’t,” Bright said. “You won’t like the end result.”
Before I could snap at them, Marcuset turned to Eledis.
“He’s right,” he said.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Eledis said, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Let’s get out of here.”
“So glad we’re all on the same page,” I growled. “Eledis, get your things together. I’ll be in the hallway while you do that. Marcuset-”
At the commander’s raised eyebrows, I stopped short. Had I really been planning on telling that man what to do? The hell was I doing, taking charge like that?
“Yes?” Marcuset drawled.
Flushing, I said, “Never mind. It’s not important.”
I hurried out of the room, wincing when I saw a guard, sprawled on the floor outside. In the drama that had come with Marcuset’s introduction, I’d forgotten about this poor man.
Crouching, I checked his pulse before gently turning his body so I could see the back of his head. Finding no evidence of bleeding there, I’d started propping him into a more comfortable position when the door opened.
“Shit!”
The next thing I knew, I was hitting the ground, hard, while Marcuset had taken my place. With his fingers on the guard’s neck, he had the most concerned look on his face, one that might have made me feel guilty if I hadn’t just been knocked out of the way.
Climbing to my feet, I said, “He’s alive. I don’t kill people, commander, and my options when it came to this man were knock him out or sneak past. Considering that I thought my grandfather and I were soon to be executed…”
I gestured at the guard while brushing myself off.
“Is he an ally too?’
Slumping, Marcuset rubbed his face.
“No,” he said. “He’s one of mine, but he doesn’t know where my loyalties lie.”
After taking a steadying breath, he glanced up at me.
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I shouldn’t have been so rough with you.”
“It’s fine. You were worried about your subordinate,” I said, flapping a hand at him, “and would you please stop saying that honorific? I’m not worthy of it, and even if I were, I’m only eighteen, at least two decades your junior. Don’t give me more respect than I deserve.”
A… a fond smile flashed across Marcuset’s face—the hell? We’d known each other for less than an hour—and he opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Eledis strode into the hallway, looking through his pack one more time.
“Right. Not many people will be awake right now, so getting out of the castle should be…”
On observing the scene at his feet, he fell silent, flicking his eyes between us.
“He’s alive,” Marcuset said.
“Oh. Well, that’s all right, then,” Eledis said before gesturing down the hall. “Shall we?”
Wow, that had been callous, but I didn’t comment on it, watching Marcuset straighten instead.
“Which way?” I asked.
As we hurried through the castle, Marcuset and Eledis took the lead, having planned our escape route long ago. Even still, after a few turns, I had a good idea about where we were headed, but I didn’t join the older men. Not only was I quite comfortable with letting them stay in control, but they were having an interesting conversation as well.
“The guard back there reminded me,” Marcuset said. “Should I be worried? Is he back?”
…He? He, as in me, or he, as in… I wasn’t sure who else the guard could have reminded the commander of.
“No. We’re fine,” Eledis said. “I haven’t seen any signs of him, unlike with the other thing.”
“Are you sure?” Marcuset asked. “I haven’t mentioned it because I thought they’d deserted, but while you were in Sev, the day ‘desa picked you up, two of her royal guard went missing. It could have been him.”
They were silent for a while, giving me time to work through what they’d said, but in the end, I couldn’t take advantage of it. Dim chose that moment to increase their pace, only slowing when they were between me and the older men.
Cocking their head, they frowned as if trying to remember something, before getting in my face. With the splinter less than a pace away from me, I stopped short.
What on-? I started.
Dim jerked back as if slapped.
“Fuck!” they shouted before seeking out Bright. “We have a huge problem.”
Sucking in a breath, Bright said, “Is it enough to risk-?”
“Yes,” Dim hissed. “Very fucking much, yes.”
Bright’s face hardened while I looked on with my mouth gaping.
What-? I tried again.
The splinters popped out of existence, and I rocked away from where they’d been standing. What the hell was going on?
From ahead, Eledis and Marcuset’s footfalls echoed down the hall, and I hurried to catch up with them. Whatever had distressed my splinters had started with those two, after all.
“-could have been, yes,” Eledis was saying once I was back within hearing range, “but I seriously doubt it. Come on, Marcuset. If he were back, would we still be alive?”
Sagging a bit, Marcuset said, “I suppose that’s true.”
After that, they had nothing else to say, and the three of us soon stepped onto a cobblestone road, one that carved through the grass until it passed through a far distant gate.
My splinters had yet to reappear, no matter that I’d mentally called for them a few times. I wasn’t sure if that would summon them, even in typical circumstances, but I had to try something. Now that it had been taken from me, I realized how much I didn’t want to give up my magic.
So, I climbed into the waiting carriage with no small amount of trepidation. Collapsing in the seat opposite the others, I eyed them while Marcuset drew the curtains over the carriage’s windows.
As we trundled forward, I said, “Who’s ‘he’?”
Jumping, Eledis snapped his gaze to me while Marcuset went still.
“What do you mean?” the commander asked.
Rolling my eyes, I fell back into my seat, crossing my arms.
“If you start talking about something I don’t understand while in front of me, you should expect me to ask for clarification,” I said, “and if it’s something you’re trying to hide, you both need to review how to keep a secret.”
At that, Eledis relaxed.
“Oh, that. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to keep you out of it. I just didn’t want to worry you,” he said. “Over the last week, Marcuset and I have noticed signs that an old enemy of ours might be returning. Long ago, he staged corpses in a similar position to how you laid our room guard, and seeing that on top of everything else had us on edge.”
Damn. I might believe that story if earlier, my splinters hadn’t reacted so animatedly to Eledis and Marcuset’s discussion.
“…Uh huh,” I said. “So, this enemy. You don’t think he’s coming back?’
Marcuset laughed, although when put into the context of everything else, it seemed a bit nervous.
“I certainly hope not!” he said.
With a cautioning look at him, Eledis said, “I’d be surprised if he did. The last time we saw him, we thoroughly banished him from our lives.”
“Maybe you did,” Marcuset said. “If you’ll remember, I wasn’t there because I thought it was a bad idea.”
Eledis backhanded his chest before leaning forward.
Resting his elbows on his knees, he said, “You don’t need to worry about it.”
Should I call my grandfather out on his bullshit? If I did, I couldn’t admit why I didn’t believe his story.
In the end, the choice was taken from me. Dim and Bright appeared from thin air between me and the older men. Dropping to the carriage’s floor, they scratched and bit at one another for a five count before freezing in place. Dim had Bright pinned while they had hold of the Daevetch splinter’s wrists. Caught in this position, they glanced at me before scrambling apart.
“Ok,” I distractedly told Eledis, focusing on my splinters instead.
What had drawn them away from me, and why were they back now?
Chapter 61: The First Oath
Raimie
I was half-aware of my grandfather relaxing opposite me, mostly occupied with watching my splinters regain their composure on the carriage's floor.
Will you tell me where you went, or is this another mystery that’ll never get resolved? I asked.
Wincing, Bright said, “We’re not trying to keep secrets…”
They trailed off as I raised my eyebrows.
“We were beside the nearby break in reality,” Dim hoarsely said before coughing up a storm.
While they pounded on their chest, Bright said, “Besides the area around you, breaks in reality are the only place where we pieces of our wholes can exist on the physical plane, but considering proximity to one isn’t conducive to our survival—”
They glanced at where moments before, they and Dim had been caught fighting.
“—we don’t typically use them like that.”
“It does, however, make it so that we can… hmm.”
Pausing, Dim tapped on their chin.
“The best equivalent for it is ‘talking’. So, breaks in reality let us ‘speak’ with one another,” they said, “which means we can more easily discuss things that are off-limits when on the physical plane.”
“Like our purpose for you,” Bright said.
I let that sink in for a moment, unsure how to identify this roiling storm inside of me. While I waited for a clear head, I shifted in my seat, smiling at Marcuset. Best to appear somewhat normal, right?
You won’t tell me anything specific about what just happened, will you? I eventually said.
Bright and Dim exchanged a glance.
“I know it’s a difficult thing to ask, given what I am, but trust me when I say that I’d tell you everything if I could,” Dim said. “You deserve to know, but…”
As they trailed off, Bright grimaced.
“It’s difficult for us,” they said. “Remember what happened the last time we tried to share this with you?”
I winced, clearly remembering my splinters’ distress.
Understood, I said. It’s just… I can’t help but wonder, yeah? To my great surprise, I trust that you two won’t hurt me, but… I’d still rather know your plans.
Tears sprang into Bright’s eyes, and they turned away from me while Dim rested their incorporeal hand on my knee.
“You epitomize my whole’s strength,” they said before displaying a cheeky grin. “Besides, you won’t be in the dark for much longer. We’ll keep trying to convey our wants to you. Isn’t that right, rigid asshole?”
Sniffing, Bright glared at Dim.
But still, they said, “That’s right.”
The rest of the carriage ride was monotonous and boring for me. My companions, both real and not, didn’t seem inclined to make conversation, and the curtains over the windows prevented me from getting an up-close view of Daira. Eventually, however, the carriage stopped, dumping us at the city’s harbor.
So many ships stretched to both sides of me, a confusing mishmash of wood and rope and sail, with the sea beyond. Opposite that, a tall wall rose, completely white in color. I wasn’t sure how they kept grime from showing on it, but I could appreciate the indomitable, unbreachable sight that it presented.
Marcuset led the way up the gangplank of a moderately sized boat, one that was bustling with activity. As we passed, people wearing the uniform of Ada’ir’s military stopped what they were doing to cast quizzical looks at me and Eledis. No matter that they couldn’t know who we were, they pressed their fists to their chests and bowed.
It was a bit disconcerting.
Activity died down after we climbed onto the quarterdeck, although soldiers were going about their business here too.
Only one of them wasn’t moving around, leaning on a handrail instead. Firelight made his blonde hair glint, and when a soldier approached him, saluting, he turned toward her, revealing a trim physique as well as a distinctive profile.
And I was socked in the gut with an increasingly familiar sense of recognition, but this one was strong. I stopped short, staring, while Marcuset continued toward the man, and my splinters watched me with their heads cocked.
Resting his hand on my shoulder, Eledis asked, “Are you all right?”
“Who is that?” I said with wide eyes.
Eledis glanced toward the man in question.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps this ship’s captain?” he said. “Why?”
Taking a deep breath, I shook myself, shrugging the peculiar sensation off.
“It’s nothing,” I said before striding toward the others.
I should really look into these twinges I’d been having. By now, they’d happened too many times for me to dismiss them as a strange happenstance.
When considering how to best investigate them, however, I found myself reluctant to bring the phenomenon up, especially with Eledis. Maybe I could do that with my father but Eledis? That idea made me want to shudder.
But then, I had no more time to consider the question. Marcuset turned to me and Eledis, extending a hand as if in welcome.
“This man will be in charge during our voyage: Captain Oswin,” he said. “If you have any questions, you should come to him.”
A set of eyes landed on me, and at that, another jolt of recognition passed down my spine. As if from a distance, I watched the captain bow to me.
“Your Majesty,” Oswin said.
Without my permission, my hands lifted from my sides, jerking the captain upright, while barely considered words spilled out of my mouth.
“Don’t do that. I told you to never-”
Cutting off, I fell back into my body with a wrench, noting the alarmed expressions surrounding me. Carefully, I released my grip on this stranger’s jacket before taking a step back.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what that was,” I said. “Maybe you reminded me of someone, although I don’t know who that could be. Either way, I shouldn’t have manhandled you like that. I am deeply sorry to have offended you.”
Licking his lips, Oswin said, “You… didn’t offend me, Your-”
With a head shake, he passed a hand over his face while pointing behind him.
“I should finish consulting with Bilensa,” he said. “I’ll rejoin you once I’m done.”
While he stalked away, I fervently wished that I could pull my Ele source around myself and disappear.
“Not a good idea, kid,” Dim said. “Too many people around you.”
I know that, thanks, I growled.
Dim made a funny face at me—which wasn’t helping—while I struggled to keep my focus on Marcuset and Eledis. Both men were eyeing me like I’d transform into a ravenous beast at any moment, so I did the only thing that I could.
Move on.
Resolutely facing Marcuset, I said, “You mentioned a voyage. Do we have a course set?”
“Um…”
Marcuset glanced at Eledis, who shrugged, before forcibly casting off his unease.
“Our heading is east,” he said. “We don’t have much more than that, unfortunately. In the last three hundred years, not much has escaped Auden besides the occasional burst of refugees, and they’re usually unwilling to speak about their lives across the Narrow Sea.”
That sounded problematic. Not the most important issue right now, though.
“We’re headed for Auden? What about the people we left in Sev?” I asked. “Have the Zrelnach returned home? And what about my father?”
Best not to mention Rhylix, considering how much disdain the others held him in.
“Despite my attempts otherwise, I couldn’t get my hands on news about our companions,” I continued. “Keeping a queen entertained is a time-consuming job, it turns out, and learning about something that she didn’t want me to know would have taken a lot of time.”
Jerking toward Eledis, Marcuset said, “You didn’t tell him?”
“Tell me what?”
“You know how I said I haven’t seen much of him? I meant that literally,” Eledis said with an eye roll. “Most of the time when I was in our room, he was… out.”
Before Marcuset could reply, I repeated, “Tell me what?”
Was everyone ok? What would I do if my friend or father had been hurt? Gods. How would I learn to control my primeancy without Rhylix?
With a heavy sigh, Marcuset rested his hands on his hips, dropping his gaze to the deck.
“When your people arrived in Sev, the reason ‘desa knew you were there was because Commander Ferin told her,” he said.
I blinked for a moment, fitting this new information into what I already knew, before rubbing my forehead.
“Of course she did.”
With a soft groan, I tilted my head back, taking in the black expanse above.
“Alouin, when we were together, she intimated her plan,” I said, “but why would she betray us? She seemed so intent on getting me educated in ‘the relevant subjects’, almost frantic about it. So, was someone or something putting pressure on her? The Council, maybe? Teron? I could see that.”
Slapping my hand to my thigh, I lowered my head, although I didn’t truly see anything.
“It doesn’t matter. If she’s turned against us, we’ve lost the Zrelnach,” I said. “I hope dad…”
With a head shake, I focused on Marcuset.
“So, they’ve returned to Allanovian, then,” I said. “Did anyone stay?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Marcuset said, “All of them, actually. ‘desa asked them to hold position until the situation there calms down.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“What situation?”
“Nothing too worrisome,” Eledis said. “A bit of socioeconomic unrest, but it should soon pass.”
“Oh! Are you talking about Sev?”
With his thumbs hanging from his belt, Oswin ambled into the conversation again, widely smiling.
“I heard that people from Ada’ir, if you can believe it, have been undermining the city-state’s government,” he continued. “I wonder if they’re the queen’s spies. She’s been trying to snatch up Sev for years.”
While he chuckled, Eledis glared his way, and I transferred my narrow-eyed gaze to him. Picking up on the tension, Oswin grimaced.
“Oh, hel- Alouin. I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Just here to take orders, me.”
“Don’t apologize,” I said through gritted teeth. “You gave me information I sorely needed.”
Because who could this group be but the allies I had left among the Zrelnach? I hadn’t been aware that they could cause change on a governmental level, but their activity, coming in tandem with my capture, was too coincidental to be anything else.
“You would have us leave dad here?” I asked Eledis.
As my grandfather flinched, I wondered how long ice would accompany the words I spoke.
“What about Rhylix, the first friend I’ve made in my life?” I continued. “Hell, what about the Zrelnach who’ve chosen us over Ferin? Because of us, they have no home to return to, and that’s not counting the danger they’d face in Teron and the queen. And you’d have us leave them here.”
Clicking his tongue, Eledis crossed his arms.
“You’re not thinking long-term. If we leave for Auden from Daira, we’re unlikely to pass through the Accession Tear’s storms,” he said. “If we depart from Sev, we’ll be heading straight through them, and yes, that was my original intent, but at the time, our priority was to leave this continent as quickly as possible. Now that we’re here, we should minimize the threat to our soldiers’ lives.”
He waved a hand as if encompassing more than this ship alone.
“He’s made a good point about the storms,” Bright said at my side. “The Accession Tear makes the weather around it exceptionally volatile, worse than most of what I’ve seen.”
“And isn’t it just glorious?” Dim crooned.
Ignoring them, I clenched my jaw, balling my hands into fists, and faced Marcuset.
“Exactly how dangerous would leaving from Sev be?” I asked.
I didn’t know if I could trust the commander to truthfully answer me, but I certainly couldn’t trust Eledis.
Marcuset scratched his cheek, darting his gaze between me and my grandfather.
“I can’t give you an exact answer,” he said, “but of the ships that sail between Daira and Sev, about a quarter of them are lost per year, and that’s when traveling along the edge of the Tear’s influence.”
Damn. That… was enough to cool the outrage sweeping through me. Unsure what to say, I chewed on my lip while working through the problem. Was rescuing a handful of people worth risking so many lives?
Clearing his throat, Oswin said, “If I may?”
Raising my finger to silence Eledis’ coming protest, I nodded.
“Forgive me, but we’re soldiers, Your Majesty,” Oswin said. “Risk is part of the job.”
Gods, I could kiss that man, if I were at all attracted to him.
“Oh, please,” Eledis huffed. “The risk wouldn’t be to the soldiers but to the outcome of this expedition-”
“Eledis. I love you, but stop talking,” I snapped.
While my grandfather closed his mouth with a glare, I took a calming breath.
“Captain, please adjust your course. Your new destination is Sev,” I said. “I won’t let the people who’ve helped me suffer, not if I can help it.”
With a half-smile, Oswin bowed.
“It shall be done,” he said.
Spinning, he headed toward the soldiers watching us. In fact, now that I was aware of it, there were a lot of eyes on us.
Before that could send anxiety climbing up my throat, the scrape of a sword on its scabbard drew my attention to Marcuset, and the sight of him holding an unsheathed blade had me brushing Silverblade’s hilt.
With his eyes on Eledis, he said, “Sorry, my friend.”
And then, he knelt, lifting his sword with his head bowed.
“I, Marcuset, commander of all solders faithful to the Audish royal line, do swear fealty and unwavering support to Raimie, the rightful claimant of the throne,” he said. “Ever will I serve as you see fit, ever to be your shield. May my blade always prove true to you.”
In the silence that followed, I could only stare. Had… had that actually just happened?
“I’m so sorry, human mine,” Dim said. “I know you didn’t want this.”
“But you have to complete the exchange,” Bright added, “unless you mean to reject him.”
If I did, it would, at the least, lower Marcuset’s standing among the soldiers. Some might even see my rejection as a lack of faith, and from there, naming him a traitor wouldn’t be a long leap. With all of that, he might conveniently fall overboard on our journey, all because of me, and no matter that we’d just met, I didn’t want any of that for the man kneeling in front of me.
So, ignoring what it would mean for me, I rifled through my mental index for my part in this protocol. Drawing Silverblade, I nicked my thumb before pressing it into Marcuset’s forehead, holding my sword to the side.
“I, Raimie, last in the line of Audish kings, do accept Marcuset as my faithful servant,” I said. “I swear to honor and protect you as best I can.”
I had to add that last bit, no matter that it jumped from the script. How could I keep someone safe with my limited resources?
“Ever will I work toward your benefit, ever to provide opportunity for you,” I continued. “May I always serve you as a leader should.”
Straightening, I offered Marcuset a hand, and while he obviously didn’t need it, he accepted anyway. As he sheathed his blade, he glanced at Eledis, imploring enough with it that even I could read his plea for forgiveness, but with his arms crossed, my grandfather wouldn’t look at him. Slumping, Marcuse shook his head before spinning on our audience.
“All right, you lot! What are you staring at?” he roared. “Get back to it. We have places to be.”
Once more, activity on the quarterdeck flurried to life with soldiers running every which way.
“I should show you to your quarters,” Marcuset said. “If you’ll follow me?”
I nodded my acceptance, but Eledis turned further away from us, which meant we should leave him alone. To my great surprise—or not, considering their relationship—Marcuset read this too. Without another word, he led the way below deck.
When we reached my assigned cabin, I paused before entering.
“Why did you do it?” I asked. “You hardly know me. You can’t know what sort of king I’d make. So, why?”
I still didn’t know what I’d do about this ‘ruling a kingdom’ thing, whether I’d accept it or reject it as I’d like, but fortunately, I didn’t have to make a decision yet.
Instead, I met Marcuset’s eyes, barely noticing the sigh he released.
“Your Majesty, I’ve known you for long enough that I could never doubt what sort of leader you’ll be,” he said. “If you’ll excuse me?”
Despite my confusion, I said, “Of course. Good night, commander.”
Once Marcuset had disappeared, I marched across the length of my cabin to repeatedly bang my forehead on its bulkhead.
Chapter 62: Nice to See You Again
Rhylix
I know what I'm asking of you.
“They’re here.”
Opening my eyes, I stared at Creation for a moment before sitting up. After rubbing my eyes, I rested my hands between my legs, letting my knuckles brush the dirt.
The last week had been… difficult. Helping to get the Zrelnach in line, saying goodbye to Ashella when leaving Sev, dealing with Dath… the fallout from Commander Ferin’s death had been more exhausting than I’d thought it would be. At least it had been a good distraction.
For the most part.
“Where are they?” I dully asked.
“Making their way through camp,” Creation said. “They’ll end up where Gistrick has set up his command tent.”
Over the last week, the splinter had been unusually helpful, offering their assistance every time it was most needed. Perhaps they understood how taxing I’d found it to get reacquainted with some of the least pleasant emotions. We’d been together for a while, after all.
“Thank you for the update,” I said.
With a look of surprise on their face, Creation cautiously nodded before disappearing, and once they were gone, I pushed myself off of the folded cloak I’d been sleeping on, wincing at the disarray around me. Clumps of grass had been torn from the ground with furrows raked into the dirt beside them, the typical evidence that I’d once more fallen into my past while dreaming. I looked myself over for grass stains before rounding the wagon shielding me from the rest of camp.
The Zrelnach had been subdued since their commander’s death. When I’d walked through camp over the last few days, it had been so quiet that I could have sworn its inhabitants had vanished off the face of the earth.
The same held true today. Mostly.
As I walked between bedrolls, I could feel nervous energy buzzing around me. It had been hovering since I’d informed Gistrick that Raimie was already on his way here, information I’d obtained via Bright. Three days had passed since then, and that anxiety had only built in strength.
With the fate of the Zrelnach to be determined in the next hour, it was at its peak now.
Long before I reached Gistrick’s tent, I caught sight of Dath. Pacing several feet away from the entrance, he was digging a rut in the ground while chewing on his thumbnail. He was so focused on his feet that he jumped when I took his elbow.
“Rhy!” he gasped, clutching at his chest. “You scared me to death.”
With a half-smile, I said, “If that’s true, you’ll have to tell me how you’re still breathing. I’ve never seen the dead walk. People who should be dead? Sure. But never corpses.”
Snorting, Dath lifted a hand to cover the noise. Ever since the awful night when the boy had witnessed death firsthand, he and I had entertained an unspoken contest over who could be the most callous about it. I didn’t get much out of the exchange, but I was well aware of the many coping mechanisms people used in the face of trauma. This was how Dath was dealing with his.
“So?” I said. “Were you planning on going in, or will we have a new trench out here once they’ve finished talking?”
Making a face, Dath said, “I don’t know if I should. Given the plan we discussed a few days ago, I can’t contribute much to the discussion.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Besides letting Raimie know that you’re ok?” I said. “Before Kaedesa took him, he’d grown to like you, you know.”
“I know,” Dath sighed.
Silently, he rubbed the back of his neck while staring at his feet, but soon enough, he dropped his hand.
“All right. Let’s go,” he said.
He strode toward the tent with me following, if more slowly. Before I was reunited with my friend, I needed to make some adjustments to my mask. I was always wearing one when around other people because when they saw me for who I really was, laid bared to the world, they inevitably ran screaming from me.
Ferin’s death had blown a few holes in that mask. Fortunately, people had been attributing them to grief, but Raimie would notice them right away. So, I patched them, or I did so as best I could.
But then, I was ducking into the tent.
It was crowded inside. At first, I could see nothing more than the back of the person in front of me, but once I shuffled into place with Dath, the other players in this scene came into view.
Immediately, Aramar jumped out at me. With his arms crossed, he was doing his best to stay out of the spotlight, but when I entered, he tensed, which only had me sighing. I knew a part of me would never forgive this man for what he’d done to Ferin, but he’d be part of my ally’s life for an indefinite length of time. For the sake of my goal, I must keep things amicable between us.
Fortunately, doing this was helped by the fact that aside from the obvious source of contention, I actually liked Aramar. The people who held any form of acceptance for the Esela were rare, and I couldn’t remember the last time someone hadn’t attacked me as soon as they’d learned I was a primeancer.
So, Aramar tensed, and I shook my head at him with a soft grin, hoping my somewhat friendly nature would remind him of the talk we’d had a few days ago. It must have worked because he relaxed, returning his attention to his son, but once he’d done that, he was digging his fingers into his arms again. What must he be going through, restrained from touching a son that he’d thought he’d lost?
The cause for this inability was found in the people around Raimie.
I recognized one of them. I couldn’t tell if Eledis was trying to hide how miffed he was, but if so, he wasn’t doing a good job of it. That was typical for him, though, so I skipped over him to the man at his side.
For some reason, something about this stranger had me narrowing my eyes at him. With his dark brown hair and tan eyes, he looked like a typical human, but I could swear…
I didn’t know what it was, but something about him screamed off. I’d think he was holding a shape change, one to hide his Eselan characteristics, but all the typical markers for that type of magic weren’t there.
Disconcerted, I shook my head. Later, I’d have to ask a Zrelnach if they were seeing the same thing as me but for now…
The third man, Gistrick. Who was kneeling in front of Raimie, although his sword was planted in the dirt instead of raised overhead.
“-ever to be your shield,” he was saying. “May my blade always prove true to you.”
An oath of fealty? Over the last few days, Aya, Gistrick, and I had discussed ways to prove the Zrelnach’s loyalty. Having their newly raised commander swear himself to Raimie wasn’t how I’d have gone about it, knowing my friend’s temperament as I did, but…
This display of loyalty wasn’t meant for Raimie. That kid would have taken the Zrelnach back without a second thought.
No, this was for Eledis and the soldiers from Ada’ir. Watching the stranger behind Raimie, who surely had something to do with this group, I couldn’t tell if it had worked.
But that was a long-term concern. For now, all that mattered was how Raimie would respond to Gistrick’s oath.
“Again?” he said, as if to himself.
But he drew his sword, and when he did, I let myself focus on the kid, frowning at what I saw.
Raimie looked different. For one thing, he was wearing armor now, if only a light set of hardened leather, but… it looked natural on him, which I’d never thought would happen. In addition, a weathered aura hung over him like… like he was surer of himself. He looked…
He looked like a warrior and a seasoned one at that.
As Raimie nicked his thumb, pressing it to Gistrick’s forehead, I caught Aramar’s eye and raised my eyebrows. Had he seen the change too?
Hugging himself tighter, Aramar turned away from me, and I knew that he had.
“-serve you as a leader should,” Raimie said, finishing his side of the oath.
He, wisely, didn’t help Gistrick to his feet, perhaps remembering how much more value the man had placed on self-sufficiency since his arm’s amputation, and only once the Zrelnach commander was standing did he glance over the tent’s interior. His eyes lit up when they fell on me.
Sheathing Silverblade, he said, “I’m glad to have this awkwardness put to rest. Now that it is, though, we should move toward the ships as we discussed. Can I help with that process, or may I have a moment with my friends?”
The stranger behind Raimie shifted in place.
“Please, Your Majesty, let your subordinates handle grunt work like this,” he said. “It’s our place, after all.”
Huffing, Raimie lifted his eyes to the heavens.
“Normally, I’d argue that point, Marcuset, but I’m too tired to do it now. I decidedly do not like horseback riding,” he said, rubbing his lower back with a wince, “and how many times have I told you to stop calling me ‘Your Majesty’?”
With a poorly restrained grin, Marcuset said, “Not enough, apparently. May we be excused, Your Majesty?”
Groaning, Raimie rubbed his forehead.
“Yes,” he said. “Get out of here.”
With a laugh, Marcuset threw an arm around Eledis’ neck, practically dragging the old man outside with him, and Gistrick was quick to follow, avoiding my eyes as he went.
Aramar stuck around for a while longer. While he and his son talked, Dath and I waited out of earshot until the two hugged. Then, I started for my friend, switching places with his father.
As I approached, Raimie said, “Hey, Rhy. It’s been a while.”
“Indeed,” I said with a half-smile.
While Raimie shuffled in place, staring at the ground, Dath stopped beside me, seemingly content to wait his turn.
Abruptly, Raimie jerked his head up.
“Are we fighting?” he blurted. “I don’t think we are, but it’s been three months, and I’ve been replaying that sparring session in my head over and over again, analyzing what you said, and-”
Rolling my eyes, I tugged Raimie to me, pounding his back a few times before letting go.
“We’re not fighting,” I said. “It’s good to see you.”
“Ohthankthegods. I’m so glad to hear that. It’s good to see you too, of course, and oh,” Raimie said. “Hi there, Dath.”
Offering a hesitant smile, Dath said, “Hello, Raimie. I’m glad you’re back with us.”
“Oh, me too. You have no idea. Life in Daira was… interesting,” Raimie said, “but I hear you two had it rough here as well. I’m sorry that saving my ass required so much work from you.”
“It wasn’t all bad,” Dath said. “I got to meet some interesting new people.”
Ashella had been particularly teary-eyed when saying goodbye to the boy, more so than she had been with me. I hadn’t realized how close those two had become.
When Dath said nothing more, paying exclusive attention to the grass beneath our feet, Raimie glanced at me with a question in his eyes, but I couldn’t hold his gaze, turning my head aside instead. I knew what Raimie was asking, just as I knew why Dath was acting more subdued than before, but I couldn’t speak that reason aloud. It hurt too much.
“Oh. Oh… She was…” Raimie said.
As he trailed off, a heavy weight fell over me, trying to flatten me into the earth.
“I’m sorry about Ferin,” Raimie eventually continued. “No matter how much animosity hung between us, I could tell she was a good person with many people who loved her. She didn’t deserve what happened to her.”
“No one does,” Dath said.
That pulled me around. I already knew what he was planning to tell Raimie, but I’d thought he’d want to wait for a while before addressing it.
“I’m guessing there’s more to that,” Raimie prompted.
My friend’s bearing had changed. Gone was the hard exterior, the worn soldier. Instead, everything about him screamed open and accepting, a partial return to the kid I’d met in Allanovian, and when he glanced up, Dath must see this because a wealth of tension rolled off of him.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he said, “Watching Ferin’s murder taught me something about myself. I suspected it when I couldn’t attack you in the Withriingalm, but I know it now. I don’t have it in me to kill someone. Hurt? Maybe. Kill? Definitely not. And… I don’t know, Raimie.”
Hesitating, he glanced at me, and I nodded for him to continue.
“I won’t do you much good in Auden,” he said. “Rhylix has told me about the kingdom, and I don’t think a pacifist would last long there. He and I have agreed that I should stay in Ada’ir.”
Biting his lip, he returned his gaze to the floor while Raimie regarded him with a faraway look in his eyes.
“What would you do here?” he eventually asked. “I’m not trying to dissuade you. I just… You probably won’t be welcome in Allanovian, and apparently, Esela aren’t readily accepted in Ada’ir. I want to make sure you’ll be safe.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that. Of course Raimie’s mind had gone there first.
Dath, on the other hand, seemed surprised by his words, lifting his head with a jerk.
“I… uh, I have some ideas,” he said. “I have a friend in the city. She mentioned getting me a respectable position somewhere. From what I hear, people with Zrelnach training are in high demand as bodyguards and the like. Fitting me somewhere with my pacifistic streak will be difficult, but Ashella thinks she can do it.”
“This Ashella is the woman who’s been helping you for the last three months?” Raimie asked.
When Dath nodded, he released a long sigh.
“All right,” he said. “Well, I won’t lie. I’ll miss your company, Dath. Maybe once I’ve made Auden safe enough, you can visit.”
“I’d like that,” Dath said.
Grinning, Raimie extended his hand.
“Shake on it.”
When Dath took his hand, however, Raimie jerked the other boy toward him, sliding to the side. Dath didn’t let him take advantage of the opening, though. Using Raimie’s arm as a pendulum, he spun before twirling the other boy in front of him.
Lifting Raimie’s arm up the center of his back, he kicked at the kid’s knees, which had Raimie face down in the grass. Dath pinned Raimie’s legs between his thighs, meeting his second wrist with the first on his back. It was a copy of the way their first trial had ended, although their positions had been switched.
I watched this with a fond smile, hugging my elbows. Seeing the improvements that my students had made, no matter how slight, was good. Raimie had, after all, let Dath take him down, and Dath had done it in the most harmless way possible.
As soon as he could, Raimie was laughing, and with an enormous smirk, Dath climbed off of him before offering a hand.
“If you don’t mind, my… friend, I’d like to make the trip to Sev now,” Dath said. “No need to drag this out, yeah?”
With a serious expression in place, Raimie rested a hand on Dath’s shoulder.
“Yes, you are my friend,” he said.
And then, he smiled.
“Good luck.”
“Same to you,” Dath said. “You’ll need it to defeat a big, bad overlord.”
Raimie shoved him, and chuckling, Dath turned to me, which quickly killed his expression of mirth. Swallowing hard, he bowed.
“Thank you,” he said. “For everything.”
Then, he shot upright and hugged me. Unsure what to do, I hesitantly patted the boy’s back.
“It was my honor to watch you become the noble man before me now,” I said.
“Ha!”
Pulling away, Dath half-smiled up at me.
“Remember what you told me when we first met?” he said. “Something about nothing good coming to the people who get close to you?”
Drawing my eyebrows together, I drawled, “Yes?”
“Well, you’ve been nothing but good for me, Rhy,” Dath said.
I opened my mouth to argue, but seeping warmth in my belly shut me up with a soft squeak.
“Never thought I’d see you struck speechless,” Dath said, rocking back on his heels. “And I’ll leave you both on that note. See ya, Rhy. Raimie.”
He was at the tent flap before I found my voice.
“Safe journey to you,” I said. “Always.”
With a nod, the boy left.
Which left me alone with my ally for the first time since the Withriingalm. I chose to focus on that rather than the sense of loss nipping at my mind.
When I faced Raimie, however, he’d disappeared. With my eyes snapping to slits, I reached out and… yes, a familiar distortion in reality was in front of me.
“Bright failed to mention that you’d learned how to manipulate your source,” I said.
Raimie reappeared with a pop.
“I asked them not to,” he said with a smirk. “Wanted to see the look on your face when you found out.”
That was concerning. A splinter had deliberately hidden something from me again, which was distinctly Daevetch in nature. To be fair, I hadn’t asked Bright or Creation about this bit of information but even still… two times?
“While this is good progress, I hope you’ve learned more than source manipulation in the last three months,” I said.
“Uh…”
Flushing, Raimie scratched the back of his head with one eye closed.
“I can talk to my splinters now?” he said. “Does that count?”
“Well, thank the gods. You’ve needed that for months,” I said. “How did you do it?”
We quickly devolved into a retelling of everything that had happened in the last few months. This took quite a while, and we got so engrossed in it that we didn’t notice an unknown Zrelnach sticking her head into the tent at first. When we did acknowledge her, she tried to hold Raimie’s gaze, but her eyes quickly slid to me. Unfortunately for us both, the Zrelnach would probably find me easier to address than him for quite some time.
“We’re ready to head out,” she said. “Your horses are ready.”
“Thank you. We’ll be right there,” Raimie said with a smile.
As soon as she was gone, though, he dropped the expression, flinging his head back.
“Fuuuuck,” he groaned. “I hate horseback riding.”
With my lips twitching, I said, “Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.”
Raimie shook his head.
“Might as well get it over with,” he said.
Before he left the tent, however, he glanced over his shoulder.
“Let’s not do the whole being-a-nation-apart thing again anytime soon, yeah?” he said. “I didn’t much like it.”
“Don’t worry, Raimie. We’ll be stuck together for the foreseeable future,” I said. “There aren’t many hiding places on a boat, after all.”
For some reason, this made Raimie groan even louder as he strode outside.
Chapter 63: The Accession Tear
Rhylix
I do not ask it lightly.
Several hours later, I understood why Raimie had seemed so opposed to the idea of sailing. He’d only stopped puking his guts up a little while ago, about when my tincture had kicked in.
With a fleet of ships crashing through the water around us, he was hanging his legs over the deck’s edge now, passing them and his arms through balusters with his forehead leaning against a rail. Standing behind him, I watched Ada’ir growing steadily smaller behind us with something akin to melancholy. I knew what awaited us in Auden, a place that would make this nation feel like a fairy tale land.
“That’s my home, Rhy, the place where I grew up,” Raimie said. “Why do I get the feeling I’ll never see it again?”
I had so many platitudes that I could give my friend. That Auden would soon feel like home. That surely he’d return to Ada’ir someday.
But I didn’t know if any of them would help him. So, I said nothing.
Eventually, Raimie sighed, pulling himself back through the railing. He stumbled a bit on getting to his feet, enough that I had to steady him.
“Thanks,” Raimie said.
With his head bowed, he trudged below deck, and seeing this, I decided to leave him alone for the night.
The next morning brought the first of the storms with the daylight. When possible over the next few days—whether due to my tinctures or his own fortitude—the kid was on deck, helping how he could, which meant I got lashed by the wind and rain too. Someone needed to keep Raimie safe, and I wasn’t sure if this ship’s sailors could or would do it.
Their stoicism about their leader quickly turned to gratitude, especially after an evening where he adamantly insisted on waiting in line for his food, but while it was good that Raimie was already earning these soldiers’ loyalty, it wouldn’t make them quick to rescue him yet.
For the next few days, I gave Raimie as much space as possible. I knew how hard the last few months had been for him, and that, combined with the kid’s near persistent nausea and my own… difficulties, didn’t lend themselves toward learning new things.
Eventually, though, Creation started hovering close to me while in the physical plane, keeping their vacant gaze set on a fixed point, and on noticing this, I made my way to Raimie’s cabin. Once there, I waved for him to follow me.
“I’ve got something to show you,” I shouted over the wind’s howl.
With the ship’s pitch making the hall into a mountain cliff at times, reaching a ladder was a laborious process, but we got there soon enough.
I stopped Raimie before he could climb outside.
“Always keep ahold of something while we’re out there, ok?” I shouted.
When Raimie nodded, I led the way into the storm.
Passing above deck was like entering another world, one where nature’s fury had been unleashed. All around the ship, waves rose and fell in sharp inclines while the fleet’s other ships joined this one in the struggle to overcome them. Rain pounded down in a discordant beat while lightning forked across the sky, illuminating it so intensely that it occasionally blinded me.
Across the deck, the few sailors left above deck scrambled to complete their tasks, which would make avoiding them difficult. Still, I grabbed a rope before climbing the ladder’s final rung. After Raimie had joined me, I closed the hatch behind us. I carefully crossed to my intended railing, changing handholds when needed, and once there, I clutched the top rail in a death grip.
To fore, salvation waited, a glorious refuge from the gale. There, the sea’s swells had calmed down, and only a light drizzle fell from the sky.
This was our only hope of reaching Auden together. In that patch of calm, the fleet’s captains could make course corrections, regrouping before facing the storms again.
Soon, the fleet would reach that break in the storm wall, but by then, our current surroundings wouldn’t be quite as impressive.
On the ship’s port side, the storm railed its fury unabated for as far as the eye could see. Perpetual lightning lit the sky as if it were a sunny day. Their strikes smote the ocean’s surface almost as often as they played in the clouds above, and through this light show, I could barely make out the rise of an island in the distance.
Hovering above that dark lump was the Accession Tear.
Stretching halfway to the clouds, its black smudge yawed open, eager to devour anything caught in its grip. The white light around its edge served as a beacon, warning sailors away.
Once again, the Tear’s size and raw power stole my breath, and as if nature wanted to emphasize this magnificence, a water spout shot from a distant spot on the sea, soon after we’d reached our current handhold. The Accession Tear made that whirling mass of wind and water look insignificant.
Turning to Raimie, I caught his eye and was rewarded with a smile to match my own.
On the other side of him, three splinters clung to the railing, leaning over it as far as they could. Bright and Creation paid no mind to the enemy at their side, just as Dim seemed oblivious to them. All three had eyes only for the Tear, an opening to the source of their power, and with glazed expressions and stupefied smiles, I’d think them drunk if I didn’t know better.
Not that I could blame them. Even without laying my eyes on the Tear, I could feel the alluring pull of what lay behind it. When I was near a tear, the temptation to shuck off every responsibility and tragedy, forever indulging in the sense of oneness that my body ever craved, always whispered sweet nothings in my ear, but it was infinitely stronger here.
Just like I remembered.
So, once Raimie had marveled for quite some time at this one-of-a-kind wonder of the world, I tugged on his sleeve, pointing toward the hatch.
We’d almost reached it when the wave hit. With the ship sliding down a swell at an awkward angle, a wall of water crashed over the deck, slamming into me and Raimie. As that water sloughed away, dragging one poor sailor into a railing, Raimie lost his grip on a rope, right as the ship began its climb up the next wave.
When he started sliding across the deck, he clawed for a handhold, barely catching my outstretched hand as he passed me. Even still, his fingers almost slipped through my grip, and as I tightened it, my knuckles turned white with Raimie dangling from my hold.
We crested the wave, and the descent that followed had my friend heavily sandwiching me with a conveniently placed crate. As soon as I could breathe again, I dragged him to the hatch, hustling us below deck.
At the bottom of the ladder, I leaned on the wall opposite Raimie, carefully watching him. His shoulders were shaking, which sent a tendril of cold to my core. Had our brush with death been enough to send him over the edge?
Then, Raimie lifted a beaming face to me, and I chuckled at my worries. The kid had long since proven that he was tough enough to handle anything life threw at him.
My expression had Raimie doubling over with laughter, and as my chagrin faded away, I let what was bubbling inside of me out too. My friend and I howled along with the storm.
Soon enough, Raimie was wiping his eyes.
“Thank you, Rhy,” he gasped. “I needed that.”
He turned deadly serious, piercing me with solemn eyes.
“Let’s never do it again.”
I flashed a grin at him.
“Agreed,” I said. “Maybe once we’re through this storm, we can discuss how tears like that are related to your newly discovered ‘talent’.”
Snapping his eyes to slits, Raimie donned a pout.
“You can’t tease me like that!” he whined.
“Sure I can,” I said with a smirk. “Now, here’s a sleeping tincture for your nightmares tonight and another for how sick you’ve been feeling.”
Pulling the mentioned items from my pocket, I handed them off while Raimie made a face.
“I never thought I’d miss the baby storms that we found near the coastline,” he said. “Thanks for these.”
“No problem,” I said. “Try and get some sleep, all right?”
“I will,” Raimie said. “Good night!”
Watching him stumble down the passageway, I wondered if I’d follow my own advice. No matter how strongly I brewed them, my tinctures didn’t work on my nightmares. Sometimes, sleep loss seemed like a better option than enduring those horrors.
Heaving a sigh, I made my way to my hammock, crammed in a lower deck. Maybe the Accession Tear’s lure would rock me into untroubled sleep tonight.
Chapter 64: Life at Sea
Raimie
With shaking hands, I opened the hatch above my head before climbing the last few rungs of the ladder, and when sunlight splashed over me, I held perfectly still, turning my face up to it. After so long trapped in the ship’s hull, I hadn’t been sure if I’d ever see a clear sky again.
“At least one of us is enjoying himself,” Dim grumbled. “I can’t imagine why you’d want to leave that delightfully wonderful bedlam behind.”
Smiling, I said, I’m sure YOU don’t. Bright’s probably happy to get away from it.
“Actually…” Bright started.
“Uh… Your Maj- sir- Shit. What do I…?”
“It’s just Raimie,” I said as I lowered my head.
When I saw the sailor waiting on the ladder below me, though, I jumped before moving to the side.
“Sorry,” I said. “Being outside again just feels so good.”
“Can hardly blame ya. Bad passage, that was.”
Chuckling, the sailor scrambled to get out of the way, ambling toward fore after casting a cautious glance at me. I wasn’t sure why they did that. Since leaving Daira, I’d done my best to prove that I was perfectly normal to these new people, but still, they treated me with deference or like I was an unknown, dangerous entity.
As always, I shrugged the reaction off.
I wandered toward a railing at the ship’s aft, chewing on my lip while keeping an eye on the storms, still visible in the distance. The Accession Tear loomed above us, and even reduced in size as it was, I couldn’t help but shiver at the memory of it reaching so far above me that I’d thought it would swallow the sky.
“That’s why I don’t want to leave that place, so antithetical to what I am, behind,” Bright said. “Because we’re also leaving it behind.”
I thought you wouldn’t like such proximity to a tear, considering it makes you hostile to Dim here, I said.
“Please. Why would I care about keeping a piece of the enemy safe?” Bright said with a sniff.
At that, I rolled my eyes, smirking when Dim started chortling.
“As if- as if I need you to keep me safe,” they gasped.
As Bright opened their mouth to snap something, I growled, Can we focus? Are we going to have problems when leaving a tear now? I don’t want a repeat of what happened under the mountain.
“Yeah… no, that won’t happen. You’re moving away from the influence that a break in reality holds over us, which means we won’t revert to our natural states,” Dim said. “But we are leaving it behind, and it connects us to what we are. So, we might be grumpy for a while.”
Great…
They’d provided me with some interesting information, though. How did a tear connect Ele and Daevetch to their splinters? Was it a door between the planes as well as one between worlds? If that were true, how terrifying would it be?
“Kid, you have no idea,” Bright said.
I glared at them, sedately standing at my side, but at their raised eyebrow, I relented. Dim’s antics—pacing atop the railing while purposefully swaying, as if trying to lose their balance—only helped my decision to ignore my splinters for a while.
“Do you know the tale of the Tear?”
Without looking at who’d spoken, I nodded.
“In the long-forgotten past, only humans inhabited this world, caught in a centuries-long conflict against a foe that no one remembers,” I said. “On another world, the Esela fought to survive in a reality that was slowly dying until Alouin came along. He ushered the Esela to our world and at the point of their arrival, created the Accession Tear, thus ending one conflict for humanity and making a new one.”
“And what about Alouin? Most people revere him as a god, but you said you’ve met him. What do you think he is?”
Cocking my head, I sucked on my lip while watching the Tear.
“I don’t know what to think,” I eventually said. “I’ve never liked the idea of gods, although I couldn’t say why, but after everything I’ve seen, I don’t want to discount the possibility of their existence. Until I find definitive proof one way or the other, I’ll just have to keep an open mind.”
“Would that more people were like you.”
Rhylix stepped up beside me with a smile on his face.
“So, now that you’ve had a months-long break, are you ready to resume your training?” he asked.
Was I ready to once more learn about my magic? To once more enjoy sessions where I learned the ways of the sword with my friend?
“Oh, hell yes,” I said.
The smile on Rhylix’s face widened.
“Good,” he said. “Let’s start with why tears affect you and Bright so much.”
For a week, I did nothing but train with Rhylix, read the books that Eledis assigned me, and helped with various mundane tasks.
I didn’t learn anything new when it came to my primeancy. From what I could tell, Rhylix seemed satisfied with what I currently knew, so instead of teaching me more, he had me practicing my skills instead.
Long were the hours that I spent hidden from the world in an Ele bubble while jumping between the ship’s rigging, working on my precision. It was a word that Rhylix seemed obsessed with.
When it came to the martial side of my training, he had me practicing my sword forms, but most of our sessions revolved around learning to wield other weapons. Knives, unarmed combat, and daggers were all thrown into the mix. One afternoon, Rhylix even had my father join us, watching while he and I revisited long-forgotten lessons about the bow.
Today, we were sparring with staves. I liked this weapon over most of the others because it fit with my hope to avoid killing people. It also helped that I was quite good with it.
When I jabbed the end of my staff at Rhylix’s face, he batted the strike aside before swinging for my side. I blocked, shoving Rhylix away, but he just rebounded, punching his staff toward my stomach. I wasn’t quick enough to avoid that blow, and as a dull ache spread across my abdomen, I raised a hand in surrender, backing away.
“Don’t give up, you weak-willed, placid, useless human!” Dim snarled. “Fight him.”
I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, I said.
Like I had for most of my splinters’ antics over the last week. They were making it difficult to focus on the real world.
“Can’t rely on natural talent alone, Raimie,” Rhylix was saying. “Got to have some practiced skill as well.”
“I… know. Working… on it,” I gasped, straightening from my hunch. “Again?”
I raised my staff, but Rhylix shook his head.
“That’s enough for today,” he said. “You have other responsibilities, you know.”
Making a face, I said, “Unfortunately.”
After stashing my staff, I gratefully retrieved water from a barrel while noting Eledis speaking with Rhylix. Casually, I hung the ladle over the barrel’s lip before inching toward the two.
“-teaching him how to fight with a staff?” Eledis growled. “It’s a poor man’s weapon, not one to be used by a future king.”
So, he’d joined the people intent on making me a king, huh? That was surprising. I’d thought he’d be the last person to do that.
“What if a staff is the only weapon available to him in a fight? Should he die because it isn’t worthy of a king?” Rhylix asked. “I appreciate your concern for my student, but I’m not changing his training. As you said, he’s a decent fighter now, but in Auden, decent isn’t good enough. I’m teaching your grandson how to survive, not how to play a part.”
Narrowing his eyes, Eledis said, “What do you know about Auden?”
Oo. That tone… I understood why Rhylix took a step closer to Eledis, gritting his teeth.
“I know enough,” he hissed.
Hurrying forward, I slid between the two, forcing them to retreat from one another.
“Let’s not have an argument while we’re in a confined space, please,” I said. “Eledis, I enjoy what I’ve been learning, and learning as many combat methods as possible can’t hurt me. Rhy, you might as well tell him where you’re from. He’ll find out sooner or later.”
Rhylix turned unreadable eyes on me, ones that had me shivering. I imagined this was his version of a glare.
Hissing, Dim stalked to a stop right in front of my friend, standing on their tiptoes to get in his face, and Bright scurried forward, hesitating for the briefest of moments before taking their arm to drag them away.
“LET ME GO, YOU PREDICTABLE-”
“Stop it!” Bright snapped. “Stop it, stop it, stop it! You cannot antagonize him. Hell, you’re making it difficult to maintain the peace right now.”
This confrontation had me glancing at them from the corner of my eye, if only because Bright never swore around me. That a curse had slipped through their lips now was telling, and I wondered if I’d have to send the two away. I’d been planning to do it for a few days now, but circumstances kept delaying it.
Meanwhile, Eledis had crossed his arms.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
For a moment, Rhylix looked like he wouldn’t answer, but when I pointedly stared at him, he sighed.
“I’m from Keld,” Rhylix said, “which is a small town in Auden, or rather, it was. It fell to Harvest ten or so years ago. I escaped and made my way to Ada’ir afterward.”
“You’re Audish,” Eledis blankly said. “We saw your memory in Raimie’s second trial.”
Wincing, Rhylix nodded.
“It was my price for bringing humans to Allanovian,” he said.
Resting his hand on his sword’s hilt, Eledis drummed his fingers on it.
“If you’re Audish, then why haven’t you sworn your fealty to your rightful ruler?” he said. “The rest of these people are of Audish descent, certainly, but there’s at least a generation between them and their forebears. You’re from Auden. You should have been on your knees the instant you recognized my family."
What?
Perhaps Rhylix bristled at Eledis’ insinuation. Perhaps he turned to me for help. I wouldn’t know, too consumed by my own indignation.
“Rhy doesn’t need to swear anything to me or anyone else in this family,” I snapped. “In the time we’ve known him, he’s proven his loyalty a hundred times over. He saved my damn life. What more could you possibly want?”
“I-”
Slowly closing his mouth, Eledis blinked at me for a moment with his jaw clenched.
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m sorry, Rhylix. I shouldn’t have questioned you.”
“I don’t blame you for it,” my friend said. “Considering who your opponent is, I’d have been disappointed if you hadn’t called me out.”
“Still, you’ve done more for my family than most, so I hope you’ll accept my apology,” Eledis said. “I should find Marcuset or the captain of this blasted ship. Get an update from them. If you’ll excuse me.”
He took off aft, and watching him go, I shook my head. My grandfather’s tendency to create conflict popped up at the most random of times.
“That man will be a problem,” Rhylix said.
“Oh, I know. Sometimes, I wish he wasn’t family so I could have left him in Ada’ir, but unfortunately, that’s not the case,” I said. “Anyway, I should get some rest. Maybe dig into another book on economics. Gods know if I’ll understand this one. Same thing tomorrow?”
“Unless you have something better to do,” Rhylix said with a cheeky grin.
Rolling my eyes, I started for a hatch, but my friend’s voice chased me, giving me pause.
“You know I’d swear fealty if you wanted it, right?”
That had me snorting. I was already responsible for two people’s safety. Why would I add to that burden?
“I’ll never want that, Rhy. I’m just Raimie with you. Always,” I said before smirking. “Try not to cause a fight, though, will you? It’s been smooth sailing for a week. Hopefully, the peace will hold until we reach Auden.”
Chuckling, Rhylix said, “One can always hope.”
With nothing else to say, I ambled to bed.
I shouldn’t have wished for the peace to persist, it turned out, because as if to spite me, the wind died the next day.
Chapter 65: Battle at Sea
Raimie
After two days of drifting, I met with Commander Marcuset, Eledis, my father, and Captain Oswin to discuss our situation. So far, all we’d produced was frustration.
Eledis had been surly since Oswin had asserted his right as the ship’s captain to attend this meeting, and Marcuset had yet to shake off the hassle of transferring from the ship where he held command. Add to that how much my father had always hated being around Eledis, and one found oneself surrounded by grumpy men.
“How is it that the Queen’s navy is reliant on Alouin damned wind to get anywhere?” Eledis snapped. “Have none of you heard of rowing?”
Rubbing his temples, Marcuset said, “How many sailors have you known who are willing to man the oars? Given that and ‘desa’s reluctance to use slaves, we’ve never thought it prudent to equip our ships with them. Besides, we have other ways of discouraging combat than running away.”
“Will these other means get us across a still sea?” Eledis asked.
Sighing, Marcuset hugged his elbows with a headshake.
“I thought not,” Eledis hissed. “I guess we’ll just have to beseech Alouin for wind because otherwise, we’re STUCK HERE!”
Throwing his hands overhead, he stalked a few paces away, muttering to himself.
“I hate it when he gets like this,” Aramar said.
Glancing at him, Marcuset forcibly relaxed, lowering his arms.
“He’ll be fine soon enough,” he said, “but after the last few years, I’m sure you know that better than most, don’t you?”
Rolling his eyes, Aramar said, “Unfortunately.”
I coughed into a fist, grimacing when all eyes landed on me.
“Sorry,” I said. “I just thought that we should focus on our current problem. Can we do anything about it? And if we’re truly becalmed, should we prepare for the coming days?”
“Well, we can’t do much about the wind,” Aramar said, “and from what I’ve heard, our supplies are already running low, which I find surprising given how long this trip’s been planned for. We were just waiting for our instigator to begin it.”
When he inclined his head to me, I did my absolute best not to blush.
“What’s left?” I asked.
“A week or so of food,” Marcuset said, “but our problem’s with potable water. We have a couple of days before we run out of it.”
Yeah… that sounded bad.
“So, what do we do?” I asked. “The Esela can’t summon anything from the mainland, not when we’re this far from it. Right?”
With a short laugh, Aramar said, “Yes, that’s unlikely.”
But no one else spoke, and no ideas were shared. After a moment of silence, Oswin clicked his tongue.
“If we don’t have a fancy solution, we do the only thing we can,” he said. “Rationing. It’s not ideal, but it’ll buy us a day or two.”
“But that’s great!” I said.
The others looked at me like I was insane, and I shrunk on myself, if only a little.
Standing firm against a total collapse, I said, “What? In our current circumstances, time is everything. With time, we’ll overcome this problem without an issue.”
After a heartbeat more of silence, Oswin cracked up laughing, lifting a hand in placation when I opened my mouth.
“I’m sorry,” he coughed when he could. “It’s just… your optimism. It’s refreshing. I’ve missed it.”
Grinning, I said, “Kind of hard to be optimistic when nature herself is trying to kill you.”
The others turned to me, gracing me with expressions I couldn’t interpret. My father looked relieved while the other two seemed melancholy, but I couldn’t be sure. They were revealing little through the blank masks they were showing me, and I’d get no clues about it from Bright or Dim. I’d sent them away not long after we’d been becalmed.
Before I could figure them out, Rhylix flew up the final rungs of a ladder, racing across the forecastle to me.
“You need to sound the alarm,” he called.
Without question, I started for the nearest set of bells, left secured to the deck for just such a purpose.
Behind me, Marcuset warily asked, “Why?”
“Because someone’s about to attack. Why else?” Aramar grumbled. “Who’s the enemy?”
“I’m not sure,” Rhylix said. “They’re flying black and green colors and using oars to maneuver. Considering they’re using scoured skeletons in place of a figurehead, I thought I should mention them to someone in charge.”
“That sounds like the Serpent Pirates,” Oswin said. “Slavers, commander.”
After hissing out a breath, Marcuset clicked his tongue.
“Fine,” he said. “I can see the ships you’re talking about, so you’re not lying, but I can’t pick out their details. How did you?”
“He’s Eselan, Marcuset,” I shouted. “He can shape change, remember?”
Freeing the bell, I rang it, watching the deck burst into activity, and to my satisfaction, the alarm was quickly carried to other ships in the fleet. At least some of these people had good reaction times.
With little time to prepare, I sprinted for a hatch, sliding down its ladder before running to my cabin. Silverblade was already at my side, as it near constantly was these days, but I’d probably need more weapons for this confrontation. After adding a few knives to my arsenal, I slung a bow and quiver over my shoulders, adjusting everything to where I could easily reach it.
Before I could race back above deck, though, an understanding of what was happening crashed into me, and I leaned against the bulkhead to stay on my feet. Since Allanovian, I’d hovered in the uncertainty of what I’d do if caught in a choice between someone else’s life versus my own.
If required for my survival, could I kill a stranger? Because that was what this battle would demand.
Gods, this was senseless! One group of people doing its best to eliminate the other. What a waste of life and for what? So one group could profit off of the lives of others?
And thinking about that, I straightened from the wall.
Killing to save myself? I didn’t know if I could do that. Killing to save the people in this fleet, people who’d left their homes behind because of the hope my presence promised? Doing that sounded much more feasible.
Still, once I’d joined the others, I was quick to retrieve a staff from their crate. If I could avoid taking someone’s life, I would.
While I’d prepared, the enemy’s ships had advanced more quickly than I’d expected. Two of them were barreling down on the fleet.
Normally, this wouldn’t be a threat, considering my people had twice that number, but right now, the enemy had superior maneuverability. They could attack one of the fleet’s ships, kill and pillage on it as they wished, and get away, all without worrying about the others. Greater numbers didn’t count for much when the enemy had speed on their side.
When I stopped beside Marcuset, he was chewing the hell out of his lip, watching the enemy approach.
“Let’s hope they’ll see reason,” he said as he gave a signal.
“What-?” I started.
A bell loudly rang, one that was deafened by a cracking boom. As smoke plumed into the air, water splashed in an incongruous line halfway between the fleet and the enemy ships.
With my mouth gaping, I didn’t think to ask what that had been until I heard Marcuset’s growl through the buzzing in my ears.
“Stubborn bastards,” he said. “We’ll have to blow them out of the water.”
He raised his hand again, but I snatched his wrist before he could drop it.
“No,” I said. “Those are slavers, right? That means innocent people are aboard their ships. I won’t condemn them to a watery grave.”
When Marcuset rounded on me, I almost lost my hold on his wrist, such was the incredulousness he showed me.
“Even if saving them will cost our people’s lives?” he hissed.
Holding Marcuset’s gaze, I said, “Isn’t this what soldiers are made for?”
With gritted teeth, the commander closed his eyes, took a steadying breath, and bowed.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.
Then, he spun toward Oswin and the soldiers standing with him.
“Prepare for boarding,” he barked.
I’d already unslung my bow, nocking an arrow. The enemy’s ships were fast approaching, and on them, I could see my potential victims.
Slavers.
Their eyes were bright with a fear I recognized, one that sang through me too.
They’d chosen to embrace that fear and inflict it on others.
Lifting my bow, I sighted on a man who was swinging a grapple with practiced ease. He was wearing a cruel grin, and I would protect my people, my family, from men like this.
But what if that man had a family too?
The distinctive twang of my father’s bow sounded in the air, quickly followed by the release of other bowstrings, but I couldn’t do the same. I was stuck, frozen, petrified by the consequences of ending a stranger’s life. What connections in humanity’s vast web might be cut with a single person’s death?
With an exasperated groan, a sailor heaved me behind her. I stumbled a bit, lowering my bow, and as my soldiers drew their weapons, I watched with a clogged throat.
How useless was a king who couldn’t protect his people?
Someone pulled my staff from its place on my back before pressing it into my hands.
“You don’t have to kill to protect,” Rhylix said.
He shoved me, and careening toward the soldiers, I instinctively pulled on Ele and jumped. For the most glorious of moments, I was suspended in the air with chaos and death below me.
For a moment, I was free.
Then, I landed on the enemy ship’s deck with a muted crack, sweeping my staff around my body. As I rose, jabbing for a pirate’s chest, someone else thumped to the deck nearby, and I smiled.
Two Ele primeancers against a host of vicious norms? The enemy didn’t stand a chance.
Dodging a cutlass’s arch, I blocked another sword, coming from the side, before knocking a dagger out of a teenager’s hand. Sharp pain in my shoulder spun me in place, but I used that momentum to drive the air from a burly man’s gut.
In my peripheral vision, I noted people in a familiar uniform swinging across the gap, an addition of allies that lessened the pressure on me, but by that point, I was too far gone in Ele’s embrace to care.
Humming along with its rhythm, I danced among the pirates, serving my primary purpose. I knocked arrows out of the air and blocked killing blows in the moment before they’d have landed. I would protect the people who belonged to me, whether through love or faith, and damn anyone who tried to stop me.
Unfortunately, Ele wasn’t as willing to accommodate that desire as I’d thought. As I went up against a man wielding a mace, it fled from me, and its abrupt absence had me faltering in my strike. Snarling, the man shoved me, and when I fell back, my head smacked into something solid.
After dropping into my nightmare realm this time, I resisted everything that was muddling me, scrambling to get off of Nylion’s back.
“FUCK!” I shouted before turning to my friend. “Either wake me up, or switch places with me NOW.”
“Well, hello to you too,” Nylion said. “It’s been a while. Months, I believe?”
And I swore I could see his eyeroll under that all-encompassing hood.
“Mind telling me what’s happened before I decide?” he asked.
“A battle?” he said. “PERFECT for me. Thank you, heart of-”
He fell silent, but I was too concerned with my real-world peril to analyze what that could mean.
“If you’re taking care of this, then get on my godsdamn back,” I snapped.
Chuckling, Nylion said, “Bossy.”
But he did as he was told, and I was left alone in my nightmare.
Nylion opened his eyes to a giant bringing a mace down on his head. With no time for anything fancy, he snapped his black-smothered hands in front of him, ready to push that energy forth, when a bang deafened him. The giant’s head exploded, and as the body fell forward, he rolled out of the way. While he took stock of his surroundings, his eyes landed on something that made his heart stop.
“Ohmygods, Oswin,” he breathed.
The captain still had his pistol raised, but at Nylion’s exhalation, he turned with a frown.
“What did you say-?” he asked.
Movement flashed behind Oswin, and Nylion arced what he was holding over the man’s shoulder, grimacing when he saw that his weapon was a puny staff.
Gods. That was so Raimie.
Dropping the staff, Nylion drew his sword so he could stab his enemy. Panting, he glanced at Oswin, who was eyeing him with wariness.
“Raimie?” Oswin cautiously said.
And for a heartbeat, Nylion squeezed his eyes closed. He let himself feel the hurt of this misidentification, masking it by snapping the fletching off of an arrow. How had Raimie gotten shot like this?
As he greeted the battle again, he snapped, “Where is the pirate captain?”
Because no matter how chaotic their surroundings were, Oswin would know the answer to everything Nylion wanted to know, tactically at least. He always knew.
“Aft. Captain’s quarters,” Oswin said.
He paused with such hope in him.
“Nyl-?”
It was too late. Nylion was already carving a path to his goal. It didn’t matter who stood in his way. He cut through them, although he avoided people in uniform as much as possible. Raimie wouldn’t like waking up to stories of having killed his own soldiers.
When he reached the captain’s quarters, he was disappointed. That had been far too easy, not even a warmup, but perhaps his target would be more of a challenge.
After opening the cabin’s door, Nylion waited for a moment, and as expected, a sword swept through the spot where he would have stepped. With shadows collected in his arm, he snaked it around the door, and snatching hold of cloth, he thrust the pirate away. He only entered the cabin after hearing the thunk of a body hitting the bulkhead.
This place was cluttered and filthy. Unhygienic.
Which was a direct contrast to the man groaning on the floor. The pirate captain was a pretty boy, which was an interesting concept for Nylion.
“Don’t- don’t kill me,” the bastard gasped. “I’ll give you whatever you want. Is it gold? Wine? Women?”
“I doubt that you can give me my heart’s desire,” Nylion said.
Crouching, he rifled through the other man’s pockets, which only had him squirming.
“Oh,” he purred. “If that’s what you’re into, I can happily oblige.”
Ignoring the implication, Nylion retrieved a keyring, bouncing it on his palm before rising. He was unsure what to do here. He knew what he should do but…
“Raimie would not approve,” he said to himself.
Still, this was the first chance he’d had to make a choice for himself in a while. After seeming centuries trapped in a make-believe place, resisting the urge to destroy evil had become… difficult.
Scowling, the pirate said, “Who’s Raimie?”
“He is the heart of my heart,” Nylion said, “and because of him, I will grant you a measure of mercy.”
Shadows coagulated around his hand before shooting through the pirate’s chest, and with a choked gasp, the light fled from his eyes.
Then, Nylion set to the slow work of separating a man’s head from his shoulders.
Outside, the battle was still raging, which was disappointing. Raimie would need to whip these people into shape.
Climbing a ladder with his burden was difficult, but Nylion needed the height that the quarterdeck would provide. When he was balanced on a railing up there, he surveyed the chaos below him, wondering if the nuisance, constantly hovering at his shoulder, was pleased. He was, if only because he could act out a fleeting fantasy that he’d once held.
Who didn’t want to be a pirate king?
“Crew of the Green Plague. Members of the Serpent Pirates,” he bellowed. “I have defeated your captain, which by all the codes written, makes me your new leader. Surrender, and I may yet let you live.”
Nylion tossed a severed head into the cacophony below, and that, along with their diminishing odds, had the pirates dropping their weapons. As they knelt, lacing their fingers behind their heads, Nylion observed them with a bemused smirk. When he returned, Raimie would have a mess to clean up.
Oh, well. He could handle something this small.
Dropping to the main deck, Nylion ambled to the pirate captain’s head and kicked it into the sea.
Chapter 66: The Aftermath-Large Scale
Rhylix
But you're the only one who can end me.
Something was wrong with Raimie. While sailors and pirates alike watched a bloodied head soar overboard, I couldn’t take my eyes off of the kid, too busy figuring out what was wrong with him to do otherwise. It was only as my friend made for an access point below deck that I noticed Dim alone was trailing him.
“Oswin! Line the prisoners up, and gather their weapons, please,” Raimie shouted. “I will return in a moment.”
As he slid down the ladder, Dim caught my eye. Surprisingly, the Daevetch splinter didn’t recoil from me or act as if it was disgusted. It stared at me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think the splinter was silently begging me for help.
After a moment, it slumped, shaking its head, before jumping into the hole after its human.
“Has Raimie chosen a side?” I said under my breath.
“I’m not certain,” Creation said, “but he has vehemently rejected doing just that several times. Plus, such a significant change should have rippled through the whole to me.”
Humming, I chewed on my lip for a moment.
“Then, where’s Bright?” I asked.
“Hence, why I’m not certain,” Creation said.
Someone climbed over the railing beside me, and I stepped aside to give him room. Leaning on his knees, Eledis fought to catch his breath.
“Frustrating child,” he gasped. “What was he thinking, running into a fight alone like that?”
“I’m not sure he was thinking,” I said. “After I pushed him toward the enemy ship, he seemed to be running on instinct.”
Slowly, Eledis straightened, staring at me with cold eyes.
“You pushed him,” he said.
Nodding, I said, “Anyone who was watching could see that he wanted to help, but he needed someone to nudge him into it, which I did. He was never in any danger. I had my eye on him throughout the fight.”
That wasn’t strictly true. My heart still stuttered when I remembered watching Raimie lose his hold on his Ele source. It was a rookie mistake for a primeancer to make, one that wasn’t often repeated, and seeing it happen then, surrounded by people who’d been out for his blood, had almost had me fully revealing myself.
Fortunately, I hadn’t needed to intervene. Our ship’s captain had appeared from out of nowhere—most people couldn’t sneak up on me like that—to save Raimie.
Mentioning that near disaster to Eledis wouldn’t be a good idea, though.
“I won’t touch on why you thought that you alone could protect Raimie on a ship full of hostile pirates,” Eledis said. “Instead, you can tell me why you ‘encouraged’ him in the first place.”
“Oh, that’s easy,” I said. “I wanted to improve his standing with the soldiers.”
Giving me a blank look, Eledis said, “What?”
Huffing, I waved a hand over our surroundings. Around us, sailors and soldiers, those unoccupied with watching prisoners at least, were whispering and chattering with one another.
“What do you suppose they’re talking about?” I asked. “I’d guess it’s the royal who led the charge, distracting the pirates so they could safely board. The royal who danced with his enemies, using a simple length of wood. How much more do they respect him now, do you think?”
Eledis opened his mouth, probably to make a scathing comment, but thankfully, Raimie jumped above deck at that moment, interrupting him. Bending down, he extended a hand to help the people coming after him.
They emerged into the sunlight, squinting and furiously blinking, with scabs circling their wrists and ankles where shackles had once chaffed their skin. Although their arms and shoulders were well-defined, as one would expect of galley slaves, their gaunt faces and stomachs told the truth of their treatment. Where rags didn’t hide their skin, welts from the lash covered it, and it was so pasty that it made the tans of sailors and pirates look much darker than they were.
After the last of them was standing on deck, Raimie made his way to the confiscated weapons, picking through them, while the sailors shot questioning glances between themselves. Meanwhile, the former slaves held themselves perfectly still, as if unsure what to do.
After selecting a few blades from the pile, Raimie turned his attention on the people around him, although he solely addressed his new prisoners.
“You have been found guilty of piracy,” he said.
Drawing a dagger, he discarded its scabbard before offering the weapon to a former slave, a spindly man who hesitantly took it.
“But worse, I find you guilty of enslaving others, people who no doubt have friends and family back home.”
Raimie handed a sword to a woman with frazzled hair and tears streaming over her cheeks.
“By doing this, you have uprooted and destroyed their lives, but my hope is that having been freed of your clutches, they will take this chance at making new lives for themselves.”
As he gave a man another weapon, he smiled before gesturing to the weapons he’d left behind. Haltingly, the former slaves armed themselves, which banished a measure of their skittishness. While they made their choices, Raimie stood between them and their once masters, turning such a stern countenance on the latter that a chill crept into my core. What was he doing?
“By maritime law, I am within my rights to leave you in a rowboat until the closest authority retrieves you for sentencing,” Raimie said, raising his voice. “This will sure lead to a slow and lingering death as the closest authority at the moment is Doldimar, and I doubt he cares what happens to you. Fortunately for you, I will not be the one deciding your punishment, as I can assure you that death by dehydration is the kindest one I am inclined to give. No, I will leave choosing your fate to your victims.”
Deadly silence followed this declaration, one that I found appropriate. What had gotten into the kid?
As they shifted in place, the sailors seemed to be asking themselves the same question, but they’d face another conundrum as well. Would they let Raimie decide the proper punishment for their prisoners?
As for the pirates, they were, understandably, terrified.
“You said you’d let us live!” one shouted.
“No. I said that I might let you live,” Raimie said, lifting a finger, “and that is true. These people you have abused might show you the mercy that you never gave them. Then again, they might not. It is up to them.”
With a fierce grin, he strode to starboard, where the ships were aligned against one another. Every eye followed him, and once he was balanced on the ship’s railing, he paused as if a thought had just occurred to him.
“Now that I think of it, the closest authority is not Doldimar, is it?” he said. “That would be me.”
Slowly, he turned his smile on the sailors, Eledis, and finally, me. When our eyes met, that smile faltered, but Raimie quickly shook it off.
“See it done,” he shouted.
Then, he started the perilous crossing to our ship.
The soldiers standing guard exchanged glances before stepping to the side. Some of them stayed where they were, presumably to ensure that no harm came to the former slaves, but most sheathed their weapons, ignoring the pirates’ disbelieving cries.
“That was… well done,” Eledis said. “Extremely unlike Raimie but… well done.”
“You sound shocked,” I said.
Casting a sharp glance at me, Eledis said, “And you’re not?”
No, I very much was, but it wasn’t at the outcome of the afternoon’s proceedings. I’d watched scenes like this unfold too many times to count, but I’d never expected something like it to happen while in Raimie’s company.
Ignoring Eledis, I turned my back on the former slaves, who were still struck immobile by their change in fortune. Intimately aware as I was of what was about to happen, I’m didn’t want to witness the coming violence.
Instead, I focused on my internal conflict while transferring ships. Everything Raimie had done was perfectly legal by all of the known kingdoms’ laws. I’d even argue that my friend’s decision had been the right one.
Slavers on the Narrow Sea were the scum of the earth, subsisting on the pain and suffering of others. Raimie’s prisoners were lucky that he’d shown such restraint, as most crews would have executed them without question.
Even still, I didn’t know what to think about leaving the pirates’ fates in their victims’ hands. Those people had suffered enough, and while some of them would never question the chance for justice that they’d been given, a few would agonize over taking a life once their blood lust left them.
Then, of course, there was the fact that the behavior I’d seen in my friend didn’t fit the Raimie I knew.
After reaching the other side, I headed for the quarterdeck, pausing once there. Raimie was speaking with Commander Marcuset, and I didn’t want to interrupt them.
“-sure they are treated for malnutrition and dehydration,” my friend was saying. “They may choose to join us or go free, and any of them who decide to leave will be given what they need to start their new lives from their former masters’ property.”
Clearing his throat, Marcuset said, “That’s a noble gesture, Your Majesty, but what about us? We need the supplies that the pirates will leave behind, and their ships could save us from this becalming.”
“We will, of course, take what we need from the ships’ holds, leaving the rest for their new owners,” Raimie said before cocking his head. “As for the ships themselves, do you really want to cram our soldier onto our newly commandeered, small ships? You will have to explain your reasoning for this suggestion, as I find it impractical at best.”
Furrowing his brow, Marcuset said, “I-”
“I thought not,” Raimie interrupted. “What we will do instead is send a unit of your men with these ships when they depart. They will get help from anyone, and I do mean anyone, who would choose to assist us. Do you have any further questions or comments?”
As Raimie cocked his head to the other side, I shivered. Cold. He was so. cold.
Bowing, Marcuset said, “No, Your Majesty. By your leave, I will ensure that your orders are carried out.”
“See that you do,” Raimie said.
Finished with the commander, he strolled to the portside railing with his hands clasped behind his back.
Marcuset shook his head, rising from his bow, and when he spotted me on the sidelines, he made a beeline for me, which had me shifting. Since first seeing the commander outside of Sev, I hadn’t spoken to the commander, too uneasy to stay in his presence for long. Even weeks later, I wasn’t sure why he screamed wrong to me, but I’d avoided him precisely because of it. Now, though, I could no longer stay out of his way.
“You’re his friend, right?” Marcuset said when he’d come closer.
“To my continual surprise, yes, he claims me as such,” I said.
“Good. Maybe you can help.”
Marcuset glanced at Raimie with his face pinched.
“That battle hit him harder than I thought it would,” he said before meeting my eyes. “Have you seen much combat?”
A flood of unwanted memories rushed through me, making me wince.
“More than I’d like,” I said.
Nodding in understanding, Marcuset said, “Then, you know what it’s like. The aftermath of a fight, I mean. He needs a friend right now. Can I trust you to help him?”
I fully faced the commander, holding his gaze.
“I will always do everything in my power to help and protect him,” I said.
A deep anxiety in Marcuset relented, and he slowly breathed out.
“Good,” he said. “That’s good! Thank you, Rhylix.”
“Of course.”
“Now, I have to help my men give away supplies that are rightfully ours,” Marcuset said before shaking his head. “Alouin, that kid… that kid…”
With nothing else, he left to follow his orders, leaving me with Raimie. I approached my friend, wondering what I could do to help him.
Chapter 67: The Aftermath-Small Scale
Rhylix
I've placed myself in harm's way more times than I can count.
“Raimie?” I said as I approached my friend.
When the kid didn’t respond, I winced. This would be bad.
Stepping closer, I glanced at what was holding Raimie’s attention, and on seeing the blood-soaked deck opposite us, I wanted to smack myself.
How many times had the kid mentioned his wish to avoid killing people? I’d known the desire would be untenable, especially in Auden, but still, I’d been dreading the day when my friend would have to take another life, and here it was.
Gods. How many people had Raimie cut down before he’d stopped the fight? And even the way he’d done that had required someone’s death. What must he be feeling right now?
Remembering my friend’s reaction to the first time he’d ended a life, I cautiously reached out to him.
“Are you ok?” I asked. “I understand if you-”
When I rested my hand on his shoulder, Raimie spun, swinging a shadow-coated fist at my face. Without thought, I pulled Ele to my feet, but before I could dodge the incoming strike, Raimie froze. As he narrowed his eyes, black streaks fled from his fist, although he left it raised.
“Rhylix?” he asked, as if unsure of who I was.
“Raimie, your eyes!” I gasped.
Grabbing my friend’s head, I peeled back the lid of one eye, ignoring how much he’d tensed. I had more important things to worry about, like the fact that his pupils had dilated to the point that a delicate ring of blue was rimming them. What could have caused this?
“That explains why you’ve unnerved everyone you’ve spoken with,” I said to myself before asking. “How do you feel?”
I released my hold on the kid, and he slowly lowered his fist.
“I am fine,” he said.
Well, that was obviously false, but maybe he thought it was true. Maybe…
He had hit his head pretty hard during the battle.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Maybe your ears are ringing? Or perhaps you’re nauseous?”
I really shouldn’t suggest symptoms to my patient, but I was fairly confident about my diagnosis, and if I was right, I needed to get Raimie into a bed. Now.
“I…” he started, screwing up his face.
He stumbled a bit, catching himself on the railing.
With a short laugh, he said, “I am a little dizzy.”
“I knew it! You have a concussion,” I said. “We need to get you below deck so you can rest.”
Raimie shook his head, swaying in place.
“I cannot rest, not when so much needs to be done,” he said. “I will not dump my responsibilities on others.”
“Trust me, Raimie, these people will understand if you leave the rest to them, especially once they learn you have a concussion,” I said. “Most of them are familiar with that state. They’ll know that if you’re to heal quickly, you need rest now.”
“I do not…” Raimie started.
But then, his sway got violent enough that he slammed into the ship’s railing.
Grimacing, he said, “Ok. I will be in my cabin.”
“And I’ll let everyone know what’s happened,” I said.
“Thank… you,” Raimie said with his face twisting.
He started for a ladder to the main deck, and I moved as if to steady him. When I touched his elbow, however, he recoiled several steps away from me, panting with wide eyes. With my hand still raised, I cocked my head while focus returned to the kid, and he swallowed.
“I do not need help,” he said. “Please, let me do this on my own.”
Lowering my hand, I said, “O… k…?”
I watched Raimie retreat until he’d disappeared. What had that been about?
Really, I shouldn’t let my concussed patient wander about on his own, but considering how many allies were surrounding him here, I’d be shocked if lasting harm came to him on this ship.
Still.
“That was strange,” I said to myself.
“Excuse me?”
Jumping, I spun, reaching for my sword until I recognized the man in front of me. Captain Oswin watched me with a laugh in his amber eyes.
How had he snuck up on me? That hadn’t happened in… I couldn’t remember the last time it had happened.
“Yes?” I said, trying to slow down my racing heart.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Oswin said. “I just wanted to ask after… Raimie. Is he ok?”
Odd. Not even Aramar had checked on his son yet.
So, why was this random soldier concerned about him? Then again, he’d been the one who’d saved Raimie’s life. He’d probably seen how hard the kid had been shoved into the pirate ship’s mast.
“He’ll be fine eventually,” I said. “No need to worry. He just has a concussion.”
“I see,” Oswin said.
Frowning, he looked at his feet, and if I hadn’t known better, I’d think the conversation was over, but as I’d suspected, Oswin soon lifted his head.
“If I may… when you were examining him, his eyes…”
Licking his lips, he looked away, folding his arms behind his back.
“Were they more black than blue?” he asked.
“They… were extremely dilated, yes,” I said. “Why do you ask?”
Shaking his head, Oswin slowly took a breath.
“It’s not important,” he said. “I saw something during the battle… I just wanted to confirm. Thank you.”
“No problem.”
Lost in his thoughts, Oswin wandered away, muttering under his breath, and if I weren’t so focused on him, I might have missed what he said.
As it was…
“Has he forgotten me too?” Oswin said to himself.
And once he was gone, I was left alone on the quarterdeck, once more plagued with far too many questions.
The next day, I accompanied a rowboat to another ship in the fleet. I was hoping one of the people quartered there could help me with my quandaries. At the least, she could consult with me on Raimie’s concussion.
When I was finished climbing to the main deck, however, Gistrick waylaid me before I could find Chela.
“Welcome aboard the Second Chance,” he called.
I raised an eyebrow. The Zrelnach had given their ship a name?
“It had a queen’s given name before,” Gistrick said in answer to the unspoken question, “but we thought a new one was in order, especially given who’s quartered here.”
That made sense. Since our departure, the Zrelnach had been separated from the soldiers who came from Daira. It seemed little trust had grown between the two groups, despite Raimie’s best efforts.
“It’s a good name,” I said. “You don’t know where Chela is, do you? I’d like to speak with her about a few of Raimie’s symptoms. Nothing bad! Just a little outside the norm.”
“From what I hear, outside the norm is normal for that kid,” Gistrick said, “but I was hoping to speak with you, actually. Do you have a minute, or do you need to see Chela now?”
I’d prefer to see her now. I didn’t like being this far from Raimie, given how much he attracted trouble, but staying on the Zrelnach commander’s good side was for the best.
When I nodded, Gistrick led me to the captain’s quarters. Inside, several bedrolls and jumbles of cloth had been jammed into corners, speaking to the close quarters found here. Fortunately, none of those spots were currently occupied.
Still, I was grateful the windows had been opened, otherwise the smell of so many people living together would have been overwhelming.
Gistrick stopped in front of those windows, biting his lip as he stared out over the sea. After a while, I decided to break the quiet first.
“How did your first battle in command go?” I asked.
Shaking himself, Gistrick turned toward me.
“It went well. We took minimal losses: three dead and a handful wounded,” he said. “You could take a look at them while you’re here, if you like.”
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “Chela should be more than enough for them.”
Shrugging, Gistrick said, “It was just a suggestion. How did your ship’s crew fare? Any casualties?”
“None,” I said.
When Gistrick’s eyebrows rose, I huffed before leaning out a window.
“Look. What can I tell you?” I said. “Raimie distracted them, long enough that our people boarded the enemy ship with minimal resistance, and when he refused to fall by their blade, the pirates lost their nerve. Many of them abandoned their own ship. Strategy-wise, what he did wouldn’t have worked in a real battle, but with how small-scale this conflict was, Raimie could have taken the ship by himself, if he wanted.”
“Does that mean the rumors are true?” Gistrick said. “He leapt across the gulf between the ships?”
Glancing at the Zrelnach commander, I frowned at his shocked state.
“Yes, he did,” I said, “but it wasn’t that wide of a gap. I jumped it right after him.”
“You’re an Eselan, though. You could have shape changed as needed,” Gistrick said. “Raimie is decidedly human.”
Something brushed the back of my neck, making me slap at it. A bug this far out at sea? How had that happened?
“Gistrick. Why does it matter?” I snapped. “Raimie is Raimie. What he is has no import. Who he is and how he acts are the qualities that you should consider.”
Gods, this was taking too long. I needed to speak with Chela so I could return to my friend. Knowing him, he’d probably stopped resting, insistent on helping his people in some way. I had to make sure that didn’t happen.
Slowly breathing out, Gistrick rubbed his face.
“You’re right, of course,” he said. “It’s just… I can’t help but think about the possibilities. Hell, if I’ve sworn my loyalty to a primeancer…”
With a short laugh, I said, “Then, Alouin help us all, yes?”
Again, fingers brushed the back of my neck, rifling through my hair, and I straightened.
“Are we done?” I said.
But Gistrick was paying me no mind, staring toward the Tear’s ever-present storms, and when I joined him in his inspection, a breath of fresh air smacked me in the face.
“A breeze…” I said.
Spinning, Gistrick marched toward the door with me hot on his heels.
“Release the sails, and raise the anchor!” he shouted once outside. “And someone raise that rowboat.”
As Zrelnach scrambled to follow orders, I grabbed Gistrick’s arm.
“I should return to my post,” I said.
With a sympathetic look, Gistrick said, “I’m sorry, but standing orders are to take advantage of the wind when it returns. You’re stuck with us.”
Shaking me off, he raced into the crew’s bustle, and I threw my head back with a groan. Of all the people to be trapped with for the rest of this journey, it had to be men and women who’d once despised me.
Even knowing this, I hurried to help them. The sooner we reached Auden, the sooner I could be with my friend again.
Chapter 68: Life at Sea Part Two
Raimie
When I woke up to darkness with the comforting noises of maritime life all around, I wondered if I’d dreamed about the battle. How else could I be alive? The last thing I remembered was a giant with a mace preparing to swing at me, but if that had been a dream…
Unsteadily, I made my way to my cabin’s door, wincing at a rush of light when I opened it, and stopped short when I saw the soldier leaning against the bulkhead opposite me. Snapping to attention, the man might have mumbled two hated words, but I’d heard them in such a jumbled manner that I chose to ignore them. Glancing down the passageway, I frowned at him.
“Do you need something from me?” I said.
With a confused expression in place, the soldier said, “You… said to give you a message when you woke up.”
Interesting. I didn’t remember doing that.
“What’s the message?” I asked.
Stiffening to attention, the soldier said, “Apologies. I had to improvise a bit.”
When he fell silent, I wrinkled my nose, replaying the words for something understandable, but I came up empty.
“What’s that supposed to mean, do you think?” I asked.
“I’m sure I don’t know, Your Majesty,” the soldier said. “You did say something about a concussion before you retired, though.”
A concussion? That could explain why I couldn’t remember the final part of the battle, which seemed to have actually happened. I should find out what had happened during the time I was missing, but first.
“Alouin, it’s spreading,” I groaned. “First, Marcuset and Oswin, and now, a random soldier. Oh. No offense meant.”
“None taken,” the soldier said. “I’d rather not have my name remembered. You important people tend to have miserable lives. Your Majesty.”
“The last few months have been… interesting,” I mused before shaking myself. “But there it is again! Why are you calling me that? I’ve made it clear that I don’t like it.”
Wordlessly, the soldier examined me, intently enough that I wondered what he was thinking. Frowning, he started and stopped speaking before cocking his head.
“May I be frank with you?” he asked.
“I thought that’s what you were doing,” I said with a smirk.
“Fair enough,” the soldier said. “When we soldiers call you ‘Your Majesty’, it’s our way of showing our support, both to you and to others. Doing this when at home is important for many reasons, of course. What’s essential right now, though, is that when we honor you, outsiders see that you have your army’s devotion, which honestly, is all the Audish royal family has to its name right now. Knowing you have our loyalty will give you a stronger place at the negotiation table, among other things, and you’ll need that if you want to advance your cause. Unless you think we should take Auden through violence alone?”
“No. I’d rather avoid violence if possible,” I said.
Much as I hated to admit it, I could see the logic behind this soldier’s words. I’d read similar arguments in books about how a leader could earn their legitimacy, but that made it no less palatable.
“Of course,” the soldier said with a nod. “Now, if I may, I’d make a suggestion, since that honorific obviously makes you uncomfortable.”
“Please,” I said, waving for him to continue.
“When you’re in public, people will call you ‘Your Majesty’ or any other title they believe you deserve. There’s no getting around it,” the soldier said, “but among those of us who participate in your daily life, you could ask that we drop the formal means of address. I doubt you could get us to abandon all forms of respect, but if you like, you could let it be known that unless something more formal is required, you’d rather have us refer to you with familiarity. Say, with something like ‘Your Honor’ or if you don’t mind how crude some people would see it, ‘sir’, like we do in the military.”
Smiling, I crossed my arms while leaning on the doorway.
“You know, random soldier, you’re very wise,” I said. “Are you sure you won’t give me your name? I could see that you’re promoted, and if you were, you’d get better rations, among other luxuries.”
As the soldier grew increasingly still and uncomfortable, I watched with my smile widening until he tried to speak, choking on his reply. Then, I laughed, waving for him to relax.
“I’m sorry. Oh, g- Alouin. I’m so sorry. I couldn’t help myself,” I gasped. “Please, forgive me. I… hell. Here you are, being genuine with me and I’m…”
Biting my lip, I looked away. What had I been thinking?
“You’re coming down off of an extremely stressful few hours, and you’re injured to boot,” the soldier said. “It’s ok, Your Majesty. Trust me. Soldiers understand the need to laugh better than most.”
Slowly, I looked the other man up and down, noting his callouses and scars and the worn look of his sword.
“Yes, I suppose you would,” I said before straightening. “I’ll take your suggestion. If you would, please let it be known that if possible, I’d like all honorifics dropped among my soldiers. I’d rather have you call me by name, but if you must use a term of respect, you may address me as ‘sir’.”
With a salute, the soldier said, “Yes, sir! I can spread the news right away, if you like.”
“Please, do so,” I said.
After bowing, of all things, the soldier ran off to follow his ‘orders’, but before he could disappear, I pulled him up short.
“One more thing,” I called. “Since we left Daira, the soldiers from Ada’ir have acted aloof with me, and yet now, you call me ‘Your Majesty’. I know that you’re one among many, and your thoughts may differ from your compatriots, but I was hoping you could tell me what’s changed.”
Turning to face me, the soldier cocked his head.
“We’ve been distant because we were watching you, sir. We may be loyal to Auden, but we weren’t sure if you were the best solution for its troubles,” he said. “Then, the battle happened. You acted as a good king should today. Leading the charge, fighting with us instead of standing on the sidelines, making hard choices as the situation required. These are the markings of the leader that every common soldier dreams of following, and we will honor you for them.”
When he bowed again, I was struck speechless, left gaping as he rose. He must have found this amusing since he grinned at me.
“You should go back to bed, sir,” he said. “Concussions are no joke. You’ll need plenty of rest over the next few weeks.”
Snapping my mouth shut, I nodded before twirling into my cabin.
I was curious who’d decided I had a concussion, whether Rhylix or not, because I felt perfectly fine. Right now, the only thing that concerned me was my loss of memory. If the battle had concluded while I’d been ‘unconscious’, the time I’d lost must have been long.
And from several things the soldier had said, I’d been active during that span of time. Why couldn’t I remember it?
Shaking my head, I collapsed into my bunk. I should figure out what had happened and soon, but first, I’d take care of my body on the off chance that my diagnosis was right. After making myself comfortable, I drifted off.
No panic greeted me as I entered my nightmare realm today. Hanging from Nylion’s shoulders, I didn’t move, content to keep my face pressed into his back. With nothing life-threatening facing me in the real world, I could take the time to appreciate how wonderful my reunion with him had been. It might seem strange, but being with him had been…
It had been everything. I didn’t know how else to describe it. Gods, if death hadn’t been hovering over me when last I’d been here, I’d have stayed in this place. I’d have stayed with Nylion and his warmth that was just right, his smell that spread comfort with every breath, his body that begged me to fold myself around it.
Or perhaps it was the other way around.
I’d missed this, the sense of safety and- and home that I’d always found with Nylion. I’d missed feeling…
Whole.
Here, with someone I’d made up as a child, the gaping void at my core, the one that had always plagued me, was filled. What. the. hell?
“Raimie? Are you awake?”
Jerking my head back, I sucked down air while skittering my eyes over my surroundings again. Well from the worst moment of my childhood. Unnerving black substance covering its surfaces. The well’s lip overhead, closer than when I’d last been here. Nylion.
Nylion.
What in the godsdamn void had I been doing, snuggling into the other man?
With a long sigh, Nylion said, “Yup. Awake.”
When he released the bond around my wrists, I scrambled to get free, gritting my teeth as a hook reached deep inside of me and yanked something out. I hadn’t felt that. It hadn’t happened!
“Is something wrong?” Nylion asked.
I jerked my head toward my friend to snap at him, but for some reason, seeing that hood dried my mouth out.
Clearing my throat, I said, “A concussion? Really? That was the best you could do?”
With a huff, Nylion faced the wall before resuming his climb.
“What would you rather I have said?” he asked. “‘Hello, Rhylix! My name is Nylion, not Raimie, and despite what you might think, you are not Raimie’s best friend. I am. Also, I am only an imagining in his head’?”
I would argue the best friend part, but mentioning that now didn’t seem wise.
“Yeah, that wouldn’t have gone over well,” I said. “Also, have you been rehearsing that?”
Ducking his hood, Nylion mumbled, “Maybe.”
And I laughed. I wasn’t sure why I’d had such a strange reaction to Nylion today, but exchanges like this were more what I expected from our relationship.
“Is my desire to make a good impression on your friend really so funny?” Nylion asked.
With my laughter petering out, I released one of my holds on the wall to wipe my eyes.
“No, it’s understandable,” I said. “I’m sorry. I’ve just missed…”
And there it was again. Excessive sentimentality for as Nylion had put it, an imagining in my head.
“I have missed you too.”
A choked sound was ripped from me as I nearly lost my grip on the wall. What…? WHAT?
Sighing, Nylion shook his hood.
“Never mind,” he says. “Come on, slowpoke. Get to climbing, or I will reach the top before you.”
For a moment, I considered rejecting this provided distraction. I should talk to Nylion about the host of strange things that occurred when we were around one another but...
Next time.
“Yeah, you wish,” I said, picking up the pace. “I’ve always been the better climber of us. How many times have you fallen when you had a perfect handhold waiting for you?”
As Nylion sputtered, I grinned. Just like old times and I supposed that when it came to things like this, I had missed my friend.
Two days after the battle, I was leaning against the main mast with an open book held in my lap. I’d been trying to read it for a while now, but no matter how hard I tried, that wasn’t happening. Every time I set my eyes on its pages, I got two paragraphs in before I was listening to Marcuset give his report about the battle again.
I wasn’t sure what to think about what I’d heard. Wantonly killing people and ordering the surviving enemies executed? That didn’t sound like me, but multiple people had confirmed it, even my father when I’d run to him on hearing the news.
Groaning, I set the book into the unread pile beside me before rubbing my face, and when I pulled away, I stared at my open palms. They looked the same. Shouldn’t the hands of a mass murderer look different in some way?
“May I join you, sir?”
Jumping, I dropped my hands in my lap, hiding them, before looking up.
“Captain Oswin,” I said.
It was amazing how much relief this man brought with him, considering how short of a time we’d known one another.
“Please, make yourself comfortable,” I said, waving around me.
Nodding, Oswin folded to the ground, setting a cloth-wrapped bundle at his side.
Once he looked settled, I asked, “How can I help you, captain?”
With his lips twitching, Oswin clasped his hands in front of him.
“Forgive me, sir, but you look like you could use some help,” he said. “May I try my hand at it?”
Blinking, I blankly said, “At helping me?”
Was that… possible? Since leaving home, I’d gotten used to assisting others while maintaining an aura of strength, and in a way, it had helped me forget that others could provide me with support. Sure, Rhylix had gone out of his way to help me before, but Rhylix was... Rhylix. For some reason, the rules had never applied to him.
“Yes, sir,” Oswin said. “I’d like to help. If you’ll let me.”
“Be my guest,” I said, “although I’m not sure why you think I need it.”
“I’ll get to that.”
Transferring his bundle into his lap, Oswin started unwrapping it.
“When I was younger, I had a friend, a kid you remind me of. He was as bright-eyed as you, just as giving and unpredictable. I couldn’t tell you how many times he made an out-of-the-blue change in plans that left me reeling,” Oswin said with a soft laugh. “He was also devastated when forced to do something he considered wrong.”
Ah. That was what the captain wanted to help with.
“Sounds like my kind of guy,” I said.
Snorting, Oswin smiled at me.
“Yes, you’d have liked him,” he said. “In any case, when these moments of guilt happened to my friend, he’d ask if he could test my inventions for me. I like tinkering in my spare time, you see, and after he asked, we’d usually spend the day doing just that. I thought… I thought you might like to try it.”
Finished unwrapping the bundle, Oswin offered me its contents, and I frowned at the revealed hollow tube.
“I saw these in Daira. Powerful stuff,” I said, lifting the tube free. “What’s it called?”
“It’s a pistol,” Oswin said. “I based the design on something that came through the capital’s tear and- Don’t point that end at someone unless you mean to kill them.”
Blushing, I lowered the pistol.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t…”
“Don’t worry. I handed it to you unloaded for a reason,” Oswin said with a grin. “Shall I show you how to hold it properly?”
“Please.”
A lesson commenced where I learned how to safely handle this new weapon. Oswin showed me how to load it while explaining its deficiencies: how much it misfired as well as its uselessness when damp. It was a lot of safety talk and warm-up, more than I’d gotten with other weapons, but then, Oswin had me fire it over the sea’s open water, and I was glad for the instruction.
“Hell, this thing packs a punch,” I said, shaking out my arm.
“That it does,” Oswin said. “I understand if it’s not for you-”
“Are you kidding? That was amazing!” I said. “Let’s do it again.”
For a moment, Oswin just looked at me with something incredibly sad in his eyes, but then, he blinked, and it was gone.
“Of course, sir,” he said. “It would be my pleasure.”
Later, when I tried to give the pistol back, Oswin insisted that I keep it, and standing at the far aft railing, we looked out over the fleet.
“Thank you,” I said. “You were right. I needed that.”
“Happy to have helped,” Oswin said.
From the corner of my eye, I watched him, surprised at how happy I was to see him content. Why, for the love of Alouin, was he so familiar to me?
Why did it matter?
Leaning against the railing, I said, “May I ask you something?”
“Please,” Oswin said, “I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”
With a nod, I said, “The friend you mentioned before. What happened to him? The way you put it, I’d guess that he isn’t in your life anymore.”
Oswin’s face closed off, and although he moved not a muscle, I could have sworn he’d stiffened.
“He moved on to bigger and better things,” he said before bowing to me. “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I have duties to attend to.”
Hell. I’d upset him.
Internally wincing, I said, “Then, you should get to them. Thanks for this.”
I raised the pistol into view, and Oswin smiled, which loosened the air of tension around him.
“You’re quite welcome,” he said. “Come find me if you ever want to practice with your aim.”
With a chuckle, I said, “I will.”
Watching the captain trot off, I tucked the pistol into my belt beside Silverblade, fully aware that I should find a better spot for it later. I didn’t know what to think of Oswin or what had happened over the last few hours, but one thing was certain.
“That was interesting,” I said to myself.
Chapter 69: Arrival
Raimie, Rhylix
Raimie
No other noteworthy events occurred for several days, and during this period of calm, I caught up on my studies. Eledis had taken over as my tutor, working with me on his areas of expertise: negotiations and economics.
He wasn’t a good teacher.
When with him, I’d learned to only ask questions when they were needed. Otherwise, I looked for answers in my books, therefore avoiding Eledis’ frustration.
Once or twice, I tried to hold casual conversations with the ship’s crew, but the formality and deference that they maintained around me didn’t make that possible. Soon enough, I resigned myself to staying out of their way.
Even if they’d been friendly toward me, however, I might have avoided them. I quickly lost track of how many times they told me I should be resting, something that only increased in frequency when I resumed work on my weapon drills.
Normally, I’d heed these admonishments, strictly following my healer’s order, but…
I wasn’t sure if the concussion diagnosis was correct. If Rhylix were here, I’d consult with him about it, but he’d been stuck on another ship while the fleet had taken advantage of the wind. So far as I could tell, though, the only indication of my concussion was my memory loss.
And didn’t I just bless and curse the fact that I couldn’t remember the battle’s ending? On the one hand, if I did remember, the guilt I already felt would be worse.
On the other hand, I didn’t remember. Not only was that by itself worrying, but I’d had to rely on other people’s stories to know what had happened to me.
A week or so after we’d left the Accession Tear behind, I woke up to the bustle of increased activity above deck, which was annoying. I’d been sent here for enforced rest, and now, the ones who’d wanted that from me were making way too much noise.
There must be a reason for it.
Once I was under an open sky, I marveled at the hecticness found here. More was going on now than when we’d been sailing through the Tear’s storms, and I still had no idea of anything’s purpose. Maybe I’d once more resume my pastime of blindly following sailors’ shouted instructions, but first, I should figure out what was going on.
After wandering for a bit, avoiding harried sailors as I did, I found Marcuset on the ship’s forecastle. As I approached, he was staring into the distance with a distinctly not-Marcuset look on his face, but when he turned on me, that odd combination of nostalgia and dread was wiped away.
“Sorry to wake you, Your Majesty, but someone spotted land not long ago,” he said. “We thought it best to approach quickly, considering how easily we’d be spotted here.”
My step faltered until I’d come to a stop.
“Land?” I asked with a dry mouth.
Nodding, Marcuset threw a hand toward the horizon.
“Come and see.”
Gods, I’d rather not. I’d rather pretend I hadn’t heard Marcuset, returning to my cabin so I could hide, but instead, I let my somehow sure feet take me to the railing, accepting a spyglass when it was offered.
“There,” Marcuset said, pointing.
When looking where indicated, I saw a dark protrusion bulging out of the water, one that stretched to either side for quite a distance. Lowering the spyglass, I leaned on the railing, hoping I wasn’t putting too much pressure on it.
Licking my lips, I asked, “Auden?”
“So we believe,” Marcuset said. “Soon, we’ll be on land, and you’ll be in your rightful kingdom.”
Oh, hell. I’d be sick. We were here, at our appointed destination, and I wasn’t ready.
Since leaving home, in all of my ignorance, how had I changed? I had, what? A passing ability to fight? The barest of control on my primeancy? And I’d only scratched the surface of what I should know if I did end up ruling this damn kingdom.
“How… nice,” I said, fighting to keep my voice even.
“Once we weigh anchor, we’ll need to quickly survey the surrounding territory. We should establish a base of operations first thing,” Marcuset said. “Alouin help us if hostiles run across us before we’re prepared for them.”
That was right. The reason we’d come here was to liberate this place, and what would that be if not a war? How long would I live with only violence and the struggle to survive as companions?
Gone would be the lazy days of studying. Gone would be the carefree conversations with my father and the soldiers’ random gestures of kindness. My life would become one of misery and death and…
With my elbows on the railing, I tangled my fingers in my hair, creating a dull pulse behind my eyes.
“I’m not ready,” I said.
These people were relying on me for something I couldn’t give them. Since I’d accepted that most people would take the foretelling about me seriously, this had been a nagging worry at the back of my mind, but here, with Auden in the distance, I had to face it, and the fear that I’d fail them drove straight to the heart of me. It became a burn in my head, and I pressed harder on my skull, wanting to reach inside so I could pluck the horrid thing out.
“Hell,” Marcuset said. “Sometimes, I forget how young and sheltered you are.”
Why did this sensation feel so familiar? I could swear I’d experienced such gibbering panic and aching pain before, but when? Surely, I’d remember something like…
Sitting outside my family’s cottage, unable to move, while a horror had borne down on me.
Fuck.
Jerking upright, I spun to scan the ship. The figures who’d protected me back then weren’t here this time, so for the first time in a week, I called on them.
Bright. Dim. I need you right now.
The splinters popped into being nearby, looking disgruntled.
“Finally,” Dim said. “I wasn’t sure how much longer I could-OHSHIT!”
Bright had shrunk on themselves, and ignoring them, Dim glanced about with a panicked glaze in their eyes, sniffing at the air.
Is it him? I asked.
“What the hell do you think?” Dim snapped.
That both of you need to calm-
“Is something wrong?” Marcuset asked.
He was watching me with pinched eyes, probably because of my tense bearing, so slowly, I relaxed, pinning an easy grin into place.
“Just looking for Eledis,” I said. “I’m sure he’s eager to see this land, considering how much he’s obsessed over it for his whole life, and once he’s done gawking, we can discuss our plans.”
Before returning to my scan of the ship and its crew, I caught the furrow between Marcuset’s eyebrows deepening.
“That’s not a bad idea,” he said. “Your Majesty…”
But I was no longer listening.
Suggestions? I said.
“Besides running, obviously?” Bright said. “Much as I’d like to fight this enemy, you’re not ready for him. He’d tear you apart.”
Thanks for that. So helpful, I said. And I don’t exactly have somewhere to run so…
Gods, there were so many people here right now, all of whom would die if I stayed. I had to keep them safe and…
On the off chance we survived, I’d like to avoid getting strung up for my magic.
Is there anywhere isolated on this ship? I asked. Dim, can you check?
Without a word, the Daevetch splinter disappeared, leaving Bright watching me with approval.
“Good thinking,” they said.
As I inclined my head in acknowledgment, hands seized my arms, forcing me to face Marcuset.
“What’s the matter?” he said. “Are you feeling… or maybe seeing a threat that the rest of us can’t touch?”
For a moment, I just blinked at Marcuset, wondering exactly what he wanted to know. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that he’d been asking-
Getting in my face, the commander hissed, “Raimie. Is another primeancer nearby?”
Another… primeancer…
“You know?” I asked with my heart in my throat.
Growling, Marcuset shook me.
“Shock, later,” he snapped. “The answer to my damn question, now.”
Hell. He was right.
Swallowing hard, I nodded.
“Teron,” I said. “He’s here.”
With color draining from his face, Marcuset released me, taking a step back.
“Alouin. We’re dead,” he said.
As if to emphasize the point, a panicked shout rose from the main deck, followed by the typical noises of a commotion, and when I glanced toward it, my blood ran cold. A familiar figure was standing among the sailors, shadowed by an unknown.
Dim? I said.
I was surprised by how calm that had sounded in my head. The same jittering fear that Teron had twice imbued in me had my feet pinned to the deck while my heart was loudly beating in my ears, but a small, alien part of me was isolated, wrapped in the cold calm of logic and analytics.
Popping into being in front of me, Dim said, “The hold. It’s the only place I could find in such a short time span.”
It’ll work perfectly, thank you.
Step by slow step, Teron was making his way to the forecastle, picking his way around frozen people.
My people.
I needed to speak this truth to someone, even if it was just my splinters.
So, I said, They’re mine.
And Bright drew themselves upright while ribbons of light unspooled from them, wrapping around sailors and soldiers and family.
No one touches what’s mine, I growled, baring my teeth.
And with a manic giggle, Dim clapped their hands. At each of those impacts, a wave of darkness blasted from them.
Stopping short, Teron jerked his hood toward me, and slowly, I rested a fist over my heart before bowing, keeping my eyes on my enemy as I did.
“Marcuset,” I said. “Get us to land. Now.”
Then, Daevetch flurried down Teron’s arms, and I bolted.
Below deck, I was racing down a passageway when I spotted someone further along it, and my heart stopped in my chest. I put on a burst of speed right as my father noticed me.
“Raimie, what’s going on?” he asked. “I heard shout-”
Taking hold of his arm, I shoved him into the cabin at our side, slamming its door closed behind him. With a knife already in hand, I wedged it into the jam.
“Sorry, dad,” I shouted. “I love you.”
Then, I was off again. My father would be furious with me for this—how many times had he talked about getting his revenge on Teron?—but he wouldn’t stand a chance in this fight.
It didn’t matter that he was a better fighter than I’d have believed a few months ago. He didn’t have primeancy, and having used only a fraction of my own magic thus far, I was a little shocked that we’d survived our first encounter with Teron. Whether I’d survive this second one was debatable, but hell, if I wouldn’t save my father from it.
Once in the dimly lit hold, I glanced about my battleground, full of barrels and crates. There wasn’t a lot of space here, which could be advantageous.
Or a detriment. How in the void was I supposed to know?
“Ideas?” I said while listening for the sounds of pursuit.
Bright and Dim looked…
I wasn’t quite sure how they looked. Like they were more maybe, larger than they typically were, if not in size, but that was fading fast.
“Hide?” Dim said. “Surprise him?”
They’d sounded distracted with their eyes unfocused, and that was getting steadily worse.
“You want to surprise a battle mage who specializes in terror?” I asked, glancing askance at Dim.
But they didn’t respond, just slowly blinked at me.
“What about the trick you two pulled above deck? The ropes of light and dark waves?” I said. “It gave Teron pause. Could you do it again?”
For some reason, this snapped Dim out of their lethargy. With their eyes focused on me, they rocked in place, filling the hold with laughter, and I sighed.
“I’ll take that as a no,” I said.
“We did nothing,” Bright mumbled. “Was all you.”
Glancing at them, I said, “What?”
But Bright had sunken into a vacant state again, and examining my splinters—one of whom was dazed and the other’s status unknown—I shook my head.
“I am absolutely, totally dead,” I said.
Both splinters fixed their eyes on me with something panicked in them.
“Most likely,” they said.
Slapping my hands to my face, I rubbed it.
“Just great.”
Rhylix
I had a temper. I knew this, and because I did, I actively went out of my way to control it.
Right now, I was considering abandoning my control so I could throw Gistrick overboard.
“Look. You can stay on this ship. You don’t have to go near Teron,” I said. “I just need to get close enough to make my own crossing.”
For a moment, Gistrick considered my proposal, but then, he vigorously shook his head.
“Too risky,” he said. “Can’t you feel it, Rhylix? Who can stand against Teron? Everyone on that ship is dead.”
Glancing at said ship, I watched as Raimie ran—when had he overcome his terror?—among the petrified members of his crew toward a hatch. Slowly rotating in a circle, Teron strode for a shadowed portion of the main deck, and my heart leapt into my throat.
“It’s just battle magic,” I said. “Teron’s not as powerful as you think.”
“No. No, this is madness,” Gistrick said. “I need to get us away.”
He spun toward the ship’s wheel, and rolling my eyes, I took hold of his hair so I could slam his face into solid wood. When he went limp, I moved him out of the way before staring at the wheel.
“How the hell do I steer this thing?” I said.
Chapter 70: Crash Landing
Raimie, Rhylix
Raimie
Huddled between crates, I kept an eye on the hatch that led into the hold. Bright was standing below it, swaying in place, while Dim hovered beside me.
It wasn’t the best configuration. Not only was I unsure about whether I could use Ele or Daevetch to fight another primeancer, but with Bright in la-la land, I was reluctant to use them as more than a lookout.
At my side, Dim hissed, spinning toward a darkened portion of the hold, and tightening my grip on Silverblade, I turned that way much more slowly. Even squinting, though, I couldn’t see what had alarmed my splinter. Glancing over my shoulder, I checked on Bright, only to find them staring in the same direction as Dim.
Before I could ask them what they were doing, the ship lurched, setting the hull creaking and nearly toppling me.
The hell had that been? Had we hit something? If it happened again, would it breach the-?
“He’s coming. It’s too bad. I’d have liked granting you a few more minutes of life, Raimie from the line of Audish kings.”
With cold strangling my heart, I faced the darkened spot—where the voice had originated—but this time, I might see something in it.
Maybe.
“I’ve enjoyed having you around. Your living, breathing state aggravates my Volatility splinter beyond reason, which is something I’ve always liked. A tit-for-tat, if you will. They’ve made me do so many awful things over the centuries. Do you know what they call you, little king?”
Slowly, I eased along the crate I was crouched behind, moving toward the humanoid shape in the darkness. Maybe if I got close enough, I could…
What exactly would I do when I reached Teron?
“Volatility names you the Balancer, you poor child.”
Having run into an invisible wall, I almost squeaked aloud. The Balancer?
In the chaos of crossing the Narrow Sea, I’d forgotten about that mystery. With a dry mouth, I peeked at first Dim and then Bright to gauge their reactions, but my thoughts skittered to a stop on viewing the Ele splinter.
Bright was still swaying in place, but behind them was a man hidden by a cloak, holding a sword to the side. As if in slow motion, Teron swung this blade at Bright, and I wondered why I was so frantic to reach them. What could a physical sword do to a piece of a primal force?
Maybe this fear was Teron’s battle magic talk-
When connecting with Bright, the sword slowed down, as if it had met resistance, and in utter silence, I watched the splinter gasp with their eyes going wide. I watched tendrils of night blaze down the blade, watched Bright find me, and then, they exploded in a spray of light fragments.
Lurching forward, Dim howled, “NO!”
But the sound of it had come from the bedrock of reality, and the patches of dark found within the hold expanded as if inhaling. They grew and grew, and as they touched the hold’s torches, those flames went out, leaving me in pitch-black.
Dim’s howl fell to a shaking voice, one that was jabbering to nothing.
“I can’t do this alone. Can’t- can’t-”
Struggling through disconnected thoughts, I reached for my Ele source…
…and found nothing.
Bright? I shouted. Bright, where are you?
Had- had Teron just killed-?
“Let’s see you balance without Ele.”
Oh… I didn’t know how I kept myself from leaping at Teron and ripping his throat out. Instead, I went quiet, listening to the silence.
“You know, my master would reward me if I brought you to him. From my time spent chasing you, I know he’d find you entertaining.”
Fissid, Lancik, Paft, Drigel, Bright…
Bright. Gods.
“If that weren’t enough, you’ve already attracted a Daevetch splinter, making you a prime candidate for becoming an Enforcer.”
Somewhere nearby, Dim growled, low and feral.
“But in the end, it wouldn’t be wise to introduce you two, despite how much ending your life will pain me. You’re too much of a danger to my master.”
“He’s right in front of you,” Dim said with their voice made of ice.
Shooting to my feet, I lunged with Silverblade, pouring every ounce of my outrage into it, but Teron merely batted the blade aside, which lurched me sideways.
“To your left,” Dim said.
When I swung this time, Teron’s parry was forceful enough to rip Silverblade out of my grip. Backpedaling, I reached for a weapon, any weapon, but a hand around my neck stopped me, adding speed to my retreat. When I was slammed into the bulkhead, my head bounced off of its wood, making my ears ring.
“Tell your aberrant splinter to hush,” Teron growled. “They’re making Volatility angry, and not in a good way.”
Dim, don’t you dare… I started.
“The dagger at your back, Raimie,” Dim calmly said.
Gods, how had I forgotten about that? Ripping it from its sheath, I stabbed in the direction of Teron’s voice, but something caught my wrist, banging it into the hull once, twice, three times. With my fingers spasming, I dropped the dagger, and as I was jerked forward, it was kicked away.
“Stop. resisting!” Teron hissed, smashing me into the bulkhead with each word.
Even in the dark, the world was spinning, and dazedly, I reached out.
Dim? Dim? Dim?
“I’m sorry. I have nothing else,” they said. “Against him, my whole won’t help you, and you’re… I have nothing.”
Which meant I was going to die. Again.
Surprisingly, this thought spread a smile across my face, because look at me! Here I was again, fighting for my life, resisting as Teron had put it, but this time, I’d gotten a reaction. This time, I’d made him angry.
Starting in my belly, a laugh struggled around the bastard’s hand, brokenly bursting out of my mouth. The moment that glorious sound hit my ears, however, Teron bore down on my neck, cutting it off, and I clawed at the hand pinning me.
“What could you find so funny right now?” Teron spat.
When he eased up, I spent a good minute coughing, but when I could, I answered.
“Worth it,” I rasped. “Even if I die here, it will be worth it because I’ve been annoying enough to bother cool, implacable you, all of which tells me one thing. I’ve stuck around when others would run. Your battle magic’s not working.
“Which means I’m not afraid of you.”
In the hold’s utter stillness, my ragged gasps were loud, competing with only one sound.
Clapping, Dim said, “Well done, my human. Your strength overshadows his aura of fear. You’ve made me proud.”
Teron sucked in a gasp.
“Pathetic child,” he hissed. “What good will that strength do you now?”
Something cold slid across my neck, and behind it, warmth flowed between Teron’s fingers and my skin, leaking over my chest. As a sheet of ice crept over me, starting at my hands and feet, I struggled to stay awake. I didn’t want to slip away, didn’t-
The pressure on my neck was released, letting me crumple to the floor, and a dull pain in my side had me tumbling. Somewhere nearby, light flashed, and a brief glimpse of a familiar face chased me into the black.
Rhylix
Someone was screaming himself hoarse in this cabin, blocked by a knife, and recognizing the voice, I wiggled the blade holding the door closed out of wood. As soon as it was possible, the door was slammed open, and I had to spin in place, clutching Aramar’s arms, to keep from falling.
Once we’d regained our balance, I almost released him, but he moved to blindly barrel toward the hold. So, keeping hold of him, I snapped my fingers in his face. After a moment of blinking, he focused on me.
“Rhy! Thank Alouin,” he gasped. “We have to-”
“We have to do nothing,” I said. “I will save Raimie’s ass again because I have the tools needed for it, and you are going to evacuate this ship. Do you understand me?”
Aramar looked like he’d argue, but deflating, he nodded.
“Just please-”
“I’ll bring your son back,” I said.
Slowly breathing out, Aramar clapped my shoulder before taking off for the main deck. I headed in the opposite direction, ignoring the annoying nuisance beside me, and as if uninterrupted, they continued from where they’d left off.
“You must be careful with this,” Creation said. “Yes, Raimie is essential to our efforts, but so are you. So, please. Don’t be reckless like you sometimes are.”
Gazing through an open hatch, I absently said, “Creation?”
“…Yes?” the splinter said.
I looked up at them.
“Do shut up.”
And I dropped through the hatch, landing in a spray of light while Creation groaned above me. In the dark, I couldn’t see Teron, obviously, but I could feel Daevetch, pooling on one side of the hold, and as I turned toward it, something thudded to the floor.
“I believe this is yours.”
Raimie rolled to a stop at my feet, and when light revealed my friend’s sightlessly staring eyes, I stopped breathing. Dropping to my haunches, I pressed my fingers to his slippery neck, slumping with relief when I felt heat rising from his skin. I had something—no matter how slim it was—to work with.
After feeding Raimie enough Ele to keep him alive, I rose to my full height before calling to the Ele in the hold. Eagerly responding, it lit the space with a flash.
Where I’d felt Daevetch coiling, I found Teron, leaning against the bulkhead with a sword planted between his feet, and at the sight, air seemed sucked from the hold because… because…
“Where did you find Lighteater?” I asked, ignoring how anxious I'd sounded.
I was right to be worried, though. With dark veins crawling over it, the sword was wrapped in a shifting, black spiderweb, and in its vicinity, black motes coalesced from the hull, from the cargo, from Teron himself.
And the sword hungrily sucked them down, forcing Ele to retreat from it.
“My master has long anticipated the resistance that would come from across the water, and as such, he has given me leave to borrow this blade,” Teron said. “Did you think he’d never heard of the Audish royal family’s foretelling? Given that, why wouldn’t he have prepared for it?”
“Doldimar’s crazy, but he’s never been stupid,” I said.
Surveying the hold, I ran through my checklist.
Idiot, dying kid? Check. Specially forged sword that he’d somehow already lost—gods, we needed to have a talk about that? Check. Several heavy crates between me and Teron? Check.
Yep. That ought to do it.
“Speaking of Doldimar, could you bring him a message?” I asked. “Tell him that the Ele primeancer said, ‘Your time unchecked draws to a close. We’re coming for you’.”
Arcing an eyebrow, Teron said, “Just an Ele primeancer?”
That was interesting. Had Doldimar opened up to his underlings this time around?
“Phrase it how you like,” I said with a shrug. “He’ll know what the message means.”
“Why should I deliver it, though?”
Lifting Lighteater, Teron held it to the side.
“Once I destroy you, your message will be pointless,” he said.
…Maybe Doldimar wasn’t sharing. Although…
No. It was more likely that Teron actually thought he could kill me.
Idiot.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “What is it about Daevetch primeancers and their suicidal overconfidence?”
Teron’s eyebrows scrunched together, but I was done talking. As I attracted the Ele in several crates to what lay in the bulkhead, I hefted Raimie’s body over my shoulder, and said crates shot forward at impossible speed.
They crashed into wood, and it didn’t matter how well-crafted this ship’s hull was. Against that much force, it had no choice but to crack. Once it had, I bound my feet to the floor, raised my hand, and shot a massive amount of Ele from it.
Teron dodged, building up a Daevetch layer in front of him as he did so, but he wasn’t fast enough. Nothing was fast enough to outrun Ele.
He was blasted into the bulkhead, which was enough to tear a hole in it. As seawater rushed into the hold, Teron was sucked through, and I started taking deep breaths, forming another attraction between Silverblade and my hand. When it slapped into my palm, I closed my fingers around its hilt.
Waiting for water to fill the hold, I shook my head.
Seriously. What was it about Daevetch primeancers?
Interlude 3.1: Despair
Eriadren
I waited in my cell for the Council to decide my fate. It was taking them a while to do that, but I supposed I could understand. They were likely still dealing with the fallout of their public spectacle, considering it hadn’t gone as planned.
I didn’t know how much time had passed since then. Deep beneath the earth, I couldn’t use sunlight to keep track of time, and my meals had been sporadic at best. I didn’t much care about how long I’d been here, though.
Most of my time in this place, I’d spent curled on the cot that they’d so graciously provided. I kept waiting for this numb state to fall away from me, so badly did I want to feel everything that I rightfully should, but it had yet to do so.
Instead of weeping, I reviewed that awful night a million times, looking for how I could have changed it. Instead of cursing myself, I wondered how Lirilith was doing. I couldn’t imagine what she was going through. Instead of focusing on what I’d lost, I thought about Arivor.
Oh, my friend. Would he ever be the same?
And so it went for however long it took for a guard to unlock my cell. She and a friend dragged me off of my cot, and I shuffled between them through the city’s dungeons. So many people were here, enough to ring a pang of surprise in me until I noticed their shabby clothing.
From them, I felt the utterly defeated air that only those from the slums knew. Alouin, it had been forever since it had raced its clammy fingers over my skin, but I knew it.
Oh, how I knew it.
And seeing these people, only here because of a bullshit class system, reminded me of who’d caused every woe in my life, who had pushed me down every time I’d achieved something noteworthy, who’d killed Rafe. Not Lirilith, although her knife had severed the boy’s final tie on this world.
Reive.
And my numb state receded, replaced by something I’d never expected. It gave me purpose, shoving lethargy to the side, and from the way the guards stiffened around me, I’d guess they’d noticed the change.
Eventually, we entered a room with a single chair in it. Not the setting that I’d imagined for when the Council condemned me to death—I’d thought they’d want the pomp and circumstance of a show—but I didn’t protest when I was told to sit. After a long time spent waiting, the door opened again, and Reive walked in front of me.
Snarling, I leapt for the bastard, but hands on my shoulders slammed me back into the chair before I could get far. Even still, I growled at him with my teeth exposed. Why was he here? Unless…
Unless the Council had already passed sentence on me.
“Are you here to do it?” I snapped. “Typical. I won’t even have the dignity of a nameless executioner. You have to do the deed.”
Raising an eyebrow, Reive said, “Journeyman Healer Eriadren, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
Nothing more came from him, and I gritted my teeth. He’d make me ask, wouldn’t he?
“Why are you here, then?” I hissed.
Folding his arms behind his back, Reive started pacing in front of me.
“I’ve been given leave to decide your fate,” he said, “a decision that was made because of the sacrifices my family has made in recent days… or some such nonsense.”
He dismissively waved a hand, and the guards holding me down grunted as I tried to tackle the bastard so I could scratch his eyes out.
“You murdered Rafe!” I shouted. “He was Arivor’s son, you asshole, and you’re using his death to get control of me?"
“Oh, you were a side benefit, don’t you worry. I’m the most powerful member on the Council again, thanks to what happened,” Reive said. “Also, if I’m remembering correctly, you killed my great nephew.”
…I had? Wincing, I reviewed the events of that horrible night again and…
No, my knife had definitely missed, but in the chaos, I could see how people might have mistaken Lirilith’s weapon for mine. No one else had seen her there.
Which meant I was getting blamed for Rafe’s death.
I was ok with this, though. Don’t get me wrong. It hurt like hell, but it would keep my wife out of the limelight. I could handle people thinking I was a murderer. Not so much her.
How to respond to Reive, though?
Letting my gaze slide off of the bastard, I said, “The hell do you want from me, Reive?”
“To offer you a job.”
As I snapped my eyes back to him, I scrunched my face up, both in confusion and at his pleased expression. Nothing good had ever come from that look.
“A job,” I blankly echoed.
Nodding, Reive said, “I want you to be my test subject.”
Before I could fully process that, he snapped his fingers, and again, the door opened. Another pair of guards dragged a man inside, dumping him at my feet.
In the grimiest of clothes, he was gaunt and dirt-streaked, and the sweat slicked over his skin only added to his filthiness. Considering the wound he was hunched around, though, I thought his state was perfectly understandable.
Pushing myself out of the chair, I dropped to my knees, prying the man’s hands away from his tunic.
“He’s been stabbed!” I said. “He needs a surgeon. Now.”
Crossing his arms, Reive said, “You’re the only help that he’s getting.”
…What?! Was he insane?
“And how, pray tell, am I supposed to treat a stab wound without any supplies?” I hissed.
Sighing, Reive threw his head back.
“Please, Eriadren,” he said. “Stop treating me like an idiot. I can string clues together, especially when someone leaves as many of them behind as you have.”
I just blinked at him for a moment, wondering if he was hinting at what I thought he was hinting at, and once more sighing, Reive raised a finger.
“One, the body parts found in your bolt hole. Tissue samples taken from Alouin’s stolen body, I’m guessing,” he said. “Two, the accident where you and Arivor got out of a blazing inferno with minimal burns. Three, Rafe’s miraculous recovery. Four, and the one that ties everything together, your barren wife suddenly being with child.”
He waggled that last finger, and I tried to remember how to breathe. How did he know about Lirilith? Had the healer that she’d seen told him? And- and…
Would he spread the news about her? Considering what had happened when I'd cured a Councilor’s family member of a disease, what would happen if Lirilith’s condition became known throughout the city? Insignificant as we were, the birth of our child would probably go unnoticed under normal circumstances, but if attention was drawn to it…
Oh, stars. This was what Reive would use to keep me in line, and it… would work. Hell.
A smile spread across Reive’s face when he saw realization hit me.
“That’s right. I do indeed have you by the balls,” he said before pointing at the man lying between us. “Now, heal him.”
But could I? What would this bastard do once I’d complied? After what had happened to Rafe…
My potential patient grabbed my hand, panting.
“Please,” he said. “If you can… the pain… make it stop.”
Oh, fuck me.
Biting my lip, I rested my hands on the wound and closed my eyes.
And nothing happened.
Humming to himself, Reive said, “Maybe this one’s too incompatible-”
“No!” I shouted, shooting my head up. “I’ve only done this twice, damnit. I don’t know how it works. I don’t…”
I might have no clue how to fix this man, but I wanted to. Based on his garb, he’d probably gotten this wound in a street duel. I didn’t care whether he’d been the one who’d started the fight or the thief who’d accepted. He was a slummer, just like I’d been, and I wouldn’t let him die because Reive had said so. I’d rather die myself-
A flash of heat dug into my side, and screaming, I fell flat on my face. Someone else’s body jabbed into my stomach, but that was nothing compared to the burn of my guts leaking into my abdomen or the disturbingly cool numbness on my skin…
White light flashed, and as suddenly as it had come, the pain in my side vanished. I lay in place, catching my breath, until someone pushed on me. When he shouted for me to get off, I slowly did so, expecting pain that never came.
The man I was supposed to heal scrambled away from me.
Pawing at his side, he gasped, “What did you do to me?”
“Healed you, apparently,” I said, waving a hand over his body. “You’re welcome.”
Licking his lips, my patient uncertainly eyed me.
“I-”
A string twanged, and as a crossbow bolt sprouted from his eye, the man slumped to the side. Springing to my feet, I identified the threat—a guard calmly winding his crossbow up—and spun on Reive.
“WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?” I shouted.
Reive was examining the corpse with fascination.
“He was tainted like Rafe. We can’t let an aberration like him live,” he said before turning to the guards. “Take the body to the slums. Make it look like a mugging gone wrong.”
I waited until they’d disappeared before exploding.
“According to you, I’m an aberration,” I growled. “Why am I alive?”
“You might be useful to me.”
Striding to the bloodstain on the wall, Reive touched it before rubbing his fingers together with a wrinkled nose.
“Sit down, Eriadren,” he said.
I wasn’t listening. The guards had gone, leaving me alone with Reive. I could kill him, this man who’d caused me nothing but misery. At times, he seemed intent only on destruction.
He glanced at me before rolling his eyes.
“Have you forgotten about Lirilith?” he asked. “I’m not stupid, Eriadren. I put my contingencies in place long before arriving here.”
Slumping, I shook my head, and he pointed at the chair.
“Sit down,” he said.
Once I was arranged to his liking, Reive started wandering around the room.
“You set my plans back by befriending Arivor, you know,” he said. “I had such influence over that boy, and then, you came along.”
With a grimace, he inspected his fingernails, and I fought to hold my tongue.
“Then, you married Lirilith and oh! That- that-”
Growling, Reive dug his fingernails into his palms before continuing his circuit of the room.
“I planned to have her and her father assassinated, like I did with her mother,” he said. “It would have been so very sad, and the chaos created by the scramble to choose a successor would have been the perfect time to put Arivor in position.”
By. the. stars, he’d murdered Lirilith’s mother too. He… he was a monster.
“Then, I’d make a few suggestions in the right ears, and Arivor would have been the new Voice of Alouin. With him as my puppet, I’d have controlled the empire,” he said, “but you ruined that. You, the by-blow of a lowly noble, who’s proper place is in the slums with the rest of the city’s trash.”
Was he done? Please, say he was done because I couldn’t take another second of his monologuing. I was just about ready to risk Reive’s contingencies if I could kill him.
As he moved behind me, Reive said, “At the same time, I have to thank you, Eriadren. You’ve given me a purpose, a greater dream than ruling an empire.”
After a pause, I frowned. Was I supposed to respond now?
“What’s that?” I stiffly asked.
Reive tangled a hand in my hair, pulling my head back, and when our eyes met, he smiled.
“You, most blessed of Alouin, will help me become a god,” he said.
Something flashed at the edge of my vision, and cold pressure drew a line across my throat, quickly followed by a wash of sticky warmth. Reive shoved me away, and toppling to the floor, I grabbed at my neck.
My heart rate jumped when I touched the gash in it. Frantically, I pressed my hand against the slash, but it was too long and deep, and everything was going black too quickly, and I couldn’t breathe. Oh, stars above, I couldn’t—
I blinked up at a familiar face: a man leaning over me with his hands on his hips.
“That didn’t take long,” Alouin said.
Alouin!
“Wha-?”
White light exploded around me, and as quickly as my shaking body would allow, I reached for my neck. Even gasping as I was, I ran my fingers over unbroken skin, not quite believing what my senses were telling me.
“Fascinating.”
Dazed, I jerked my head up, gaping at Reive and the guards beside him.
“You- you killed me,” I said.
Nodding, Reive said, “Indeed. And as I theorized, you have some of Alouin’s powers. We’ll have to determine which ones and how they work.”
Ugh. He'd sounded so… clinical. Was that how I sounded when I was indulging in an experiment?
Yes, focus on that rather than the fact that a man had slit my throat and I’d survived.
Sighing, Reive said, “You won’t be of much use now, though, will you? Not when you’re in shock’s grip.”
With a head shake, he flicked a hand, and the guards dragged me to my feet.
“Take him home. Our test subject’s mind can’t break yet, and Lirilith will stabilize him faster than anything else. One of you keep an eye on him, though. Let me know when he’s ready to return.”
Turning to me, Reive showed off a mocking half-smile, appearing the arrogant Councilor in every way.
“Next time, we’ll start with poisons,” he said.
My knees buckled, and as the guards struggled to keep me upright, Reive left the room, letting the ring of his laughter chase him.
Interlude 3.2: Despair
Eriadren
After the guards brought me home, I couldn’t do much besides lay in bed for who knew how long. I should have gotten up and found Lirilith or perhaps visited Arivor, but I couldn’t find the energy to do… anything.
I’d died. For a time, I’d left this world, had been gone, had crossed to the other side.
Murdered.
And from what I could tell, Reive meant to do that again. And again. As many times as it pleased him.
What was I going to do?
Eventually, a door slammed downstairs, and a frustrated screech filled the house.
Lirilith. She was home.
I tried so hard to get out of bed or at least raise my voice, but… I couldn’t. Not even when she started crying downstairs.
When that stopped, she stomped up the stairs, and something similar to panic seized me. I should sit up. I should make an effort to appear normal for her, to smile…
“Eri?!”
Or I could just keep laying here. That sounded good too.
When Lirilith sat behind me, releasing a quiet sigh, I bounced on the bed.
“Can I touch you?” she asked.
Shit. She was being so strong, and I couldn’t even roll over to look at her. I couldn’t even answer her question, not with my voice long gone.
Fingers brushed my arms, and I flinched, but this was fine. This was Lirilith, the woman I loved above all, giving me as much comfort as she thought I could take, and I appreciated it, thanking the stars for our past experience in dealing with traumatized people.
Then, she touched my hair.
Reive yanks on my hair, exposing my neck before laying it open.
The energy I’d been seeking surged through me, and I flung myself off the bed, stumbling to the washroom. Somehow, I made it to a chamber pot before nausea forced acid out of me. When my stomach stopped heaving, I curled into a ball on the floor.
“Not- not again, please,” I sobbed. “How many- how many-?”
Lirilith was wise enough to stay in the bedroom while I lost it, and when I could, I shuffled toward the doorway, stopping short when I saw her.
Something was bulging from her abdomen. How long had the Council held me prisoner if she was showing already?
Tearing my eyes off of the evidence of her condition—the shackle that bound me to Reive—took great effort, but I did it to drink in a face I’d longed to see. She was carefully blank when looking at me, which hurt more than it helped, but I wouldn’t tell her that.
I shuffled to sit beside Lirilith, hesitantly touching her abdomen before pulling her to me.
“You’re beautiful. I love you. I’m sorry,” I whispered, never paying attention to what I was saying.
I kept talking until Lirilith pushed on me. When she tucked her hair behind her ears, refusing to look my way, my throat closed on itself. Hell, how selfish had I been acting?
Taking her hand, I said, “How are you, love?”
Lirilith tensed, snatching her hand away from me, and I died inside until she faced me. By the stars, she had such determination in her.
“I would love to answer that question, just like I need to know what happened to you,” she said before biting her lip, “but Arivor needs you right now. Things have been bad, Eri. Clariss left him shortly after… after. And the Council has decided to send him far away for harboring an… abomination. They’re appeasing Reive by removing a source of embarrassment from the city but…”
Shaking her head, Lirilith rubbed her eyes.
“They’re sending him to negotiate with the human kingdoms,” she said. “He’s leaving within the next day.”
For a moment, I sat in silence, absorbing what she’d told me.
“Arivor destroyed them in the last war,” I said with my voice dead. “They’ll kill him.”
Nodding, Lirilith said, “I think he wants them to. You must see him, Eri. Alouin knows I’ve tried talking to him, but he won’t let me near him. He might let you in, though.”
“Shit.”
But there’d been no anger in that curse. I no longer had the energy for outrage.
“Ok. I’ll go,” I said, “but I’ll be back soon, and when I come home-”
“We’ll talk about everything. Of course we will,” Lirilith said, giving me a weak smile. “I love you, Eri.”
“Love you too.”
Hesitantly, I kissed her before putting my back to her and racing outside. I expected that the guards watching me wouldn’t let me reach Arivor’s estate, guiltily half-hoping that it would be so, but much sooner than I’d like, I was staring at his front door, working up the courage to knock. Before I could do that, it opened with my friend’s manservant behind it, and I watched with confusion as his face morphed through a variety of expressions.
Eventually, it settled on relief.
“Thank the stars you’re here,” he said. “Maybe you can snap him out of it.”
Well, that wasn’t a good sign.
Pushing into the house, I asked, “Where is he?”
The manservant cleared his throat, and when I glanced back at him, he looked distressed.
“In the young master’s room,” he said, staring at his feet.
Comprehending what he’d said took me a moment. My mind kept hiccupping on the sound of a child, shouting at me.
“Uncle Eri!”
Shaking myself, I muttered, “Fuck.”
Nervously giggling, the manservant nodded.
“That sounds about right,” he said. “I don’t need to show the way, yes? Shall I bring you and the master refreshments instead?”
“If you think it’ll help,” I said. “Give me a few minutes first, though.”
“Of course.”
Bowing, the manservant ducked out of the room, letting me make the trek to my friend alone.
On seeing this familiar home so darkened, my heart pinched, and when I was outside Rafe’s room, I rested my forehead on the door, preparing myself, before knocking.
“Arivor, can I come inside?” I asked.
And I waited, knowing how hard it was to resist the lethargy he must be feeling.
“Do what you like,” was what came back to me.
After hearing my best friend speak, I bit my lip, resisting the urge to punch the door. Instead, I straightened, got my appearance into order, and stepped inside.
With its curtains drawn over the windows, the room was shadowed, but unlike the rest of the house, this place looked the same. Nothing had been packed, and no concealing sheets were in sight.
Arivor was sitting on his son’s bed, pouring whisky into two mugs. He slid one toward me while running his eyes over my body.
With his voice raspy, he said, “You look like shit.”
Laughing, I took my drink, lifting it to my friend.
“So do you,” I said. “Hell, Arivor, I haven't seen your eyes so red-rimmed since… since never, actually.”
Grimacing, Arivor drained his drink in one go.
“Things haven’t been great for me lately,” he said.
Wincing, I crouched in front of him, dangling my mug between my legs.
“I got here as soon as I could,” I said. “Had to make a quick stop home after Reive let me go, but I came here straight afterward. Is there… can I do anything for you?”
Blankly staring at me, Arivor shook his head.
“You and Lirilith, with that damnably wonderful need to help,” he said before reaching for the decanter again. “Did my uncle hurt you?”
By some miracle, I retained my flinch. Donning my best grin, I took a sip of my drink.
“While under his care, no harm came to me,” I said. “I spent most of my time in the dungeons lying on my cot, just thinking.”
Technically true. I’d experienced no lasting harm at Reive’s hand.
Sighing, Arivor said, “Don’t dance around the truth like that. You’re bad at it.”
For a third time, he filled his mug, and I watched him, chewing on the inside of my lip. Lirilith had been right. My friend was badly hurting.
And part of it was my fault.
Rubbing my eyes, I said, “I’m so sorry, Arivor. If I’d been quicker that night… if I’d never touched Rafe with this unknown power-”
“He’d still be dead.”
Rocking back from Arivor, I almost fell from my crouch. By the stars, he looked so empty and yet furiously there.
“Don’t apologize for what happened, Eri,” he said. “It wasn’t your fault, not yours or- or Lirilith’s. I don’t know if I can forgive her for what she did, but I know it wasn’t her fault. It was Reive’s and the fucking, weak-willed cowards on his Council-”
Something shattered, and liquid splashed to the ground alongside glass’s tinkle. For a moment, I could only gape at this, stunned that Arivor had crushed his mug.
Without a sound, he opened his closed fist, and I whimpered at the sight of so many shards sticking out of his palm. When he started picking at them, I snatched his wrist.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “We have to treat this properly, get the wounds clean before-”
Arivor shook me off.
“Stop, Eri. It’s fine. Everything’s fine,” he said. “Although, speaking of this...”
With a small sigh, he used his good hand to dig in a pocket, withdrawing a creased and water-stained letter, sealed with wax. Refusing to look at me, he thrust it my way.
“This is for you,” he said. “It explains what I was telling you… that night. Before we got out of the carriage.”
Accepting the sheet of folded paper, I turned it between my fingers.
“Something to do with the accident?” I asked.
When he nodded, I slid my thumb under the paper’s edge to break its seal, and Arivor flew forward to stop me.
“Not here,” he said, breathless. “Read it after I’m gone or better yet, when I return. If I return. I can’t- I don’t want to see your face when you understand.”
“Ok…” I said, frowning at him.
But I stashed the letter, and relaxing, Arivor rubbed his face before pointing at my still full mug.
“Are you going to drink that?” he said.
While giving my drink to him, I kept my lips sealed, afraid of what I might say, and again, my friend knocked the whiskey back in one go. Setting the mug on a side table, he laid back on the bed, fiddling with the glass in his hand. I couldn’t move as he plucked a piece free, dropping it on his chest, and blood pattered around it.
“You should go to Lirilith. Stars know that you need her right now,” he absently said. “Tell her that she shouldn’t hate herself, will you? I’m afraid it’s the best comfort I can give her and… whatever happens, please remember that I love you like a brother. Meeting you was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”
I would argue that last point. It, however, wouldn’t do any good right now, and I wasn’t sure what else I could say.
Arivor was right. I needed to see Lirilith, but it was so we could figure out how to ease my friend’s grief before he left us, possibly for forever.
Standing, I squeezed Arivor’s shoulder and hurried out of the room, ignoring the discordant hum that started up behind me.
Interlude 3.3: Despair
Eriadren
With a tight jaw, I stood on the city wall, looking over the blanketed spread of angry humans that surrounded my home. I hadn’t seen anything like this since the first war.
In its last battle, we, the defenders, had been sure that reinforcements wouldn’t reach us in time, leaving our days numbered. I remembered how when interacting with the city’s citizens, my insides had felt torn apart. From past experience, I’d known what would happen to them if we failed.
It was worse this time. The humans were besieging my city, and the people they were threatening were mine too. Especially two, precious ones from among them.
“Lotta people,” Sepiala piped up.
I clutched my daughter more tightly to me, refusing to let her see how deeply afraid I was for her.
“Yes, it is,” I said, never taking my eyes off of a potential battlefield.
Taking handfuls of my tunic, Sepiala tugged to get my attention, and when I looked at her, she had the most serious expression in place.
“Uncle Ar-i-vor there?” she asked.
Despite the sudden burn in my eyes, I schooled my features into a pleased form of calm.
“Last I heard, he’s out there, yes,” I said.
He was the human’s top general now, and that was partially why I was standing here. The Arivor I knew would never have perpetrated the crimes attributed to his name in this war. He’d have found them appalling.
So, what had happened? Sure, since I’d last seen my friend, three years had passed, but was that long enough for someone to change as much as he had? I’d hoped that coming here might help me reconcile what I knew of Arivor with what I’d heard.
It hadn’t.
“Daddy, I want to see him,” Sepiala said.
I couldn’t help my frown this time.
“That’s not a good idea, Sepi,” I said. “Uncle Arivor…”
How did I put this in a way that a child might understand?
“Before he left home, bad things happened to Uncle Arivor. Mama and I have never told you about them because we only wanted you to know about the good in him,” I continued, “but those bad things, Sepi? They might have changed your uncle while he’s been gone.”
Plus, he was in the middle of the enemy’s damn army, but Sepiala didn’t need to know that or how much danger said army had put her in.
“He’s a bad man now?” she asked.
I hesitated. Should I tell my daughter the truth: that I didn’t know? If what I’d heard was more than rumors, then yes, he most definitely was, but- but-
Or should I preserve her innocence until we came out on the other side of the eminent battle?
“No,” I slowly said. “From what I remember of him, your Uncle Arivor isn’t a bad man.”
As if considering what I’d said, Sepiala tilted her head before nodding once, and her face took on a hint of her mother’s determined expression.
“I want to see him,” she repeated.
“That’s not-”
On hearing the edge in my voice, I fell silent, clicking my teeth together, while regarding my daughter.
I wished I was certain about Arivor right now. Years ago, it wouldn’t have mattered what rumors had been attached to him. I’d have believed in my friend regardless of the consequences to me, but I had more than myself to worry about now. No matter how much I wanted to indulge Sepiala, introducing her to a man who’d been like a brother to me, I wasn’t sure if I could allow it.
So, I gave her the most noncommittal answer possible.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Sepiala didn’t yet understand the subtleties of that phrase, so she bounced in my arms, clapping her hands.
“Thank you, daddy,” she said.
Stretching up, she kissed my cheek like she’d seen her mother do before, and sighing, I ruffled her hair.
Then, I returned my focus to what lay beyond the wall.
At least coming here had answered one question for me. No matter how much I’d rather avoid it, I should make a trip to the city’s center.
I only wished that Lirilith was free so she could watch Sepiala for a time, but this morning, my wife had been called to consult with the Council about the city’s defenses. I doubted they’d let her go yet.
As we started our trek into the city, my daughter was quiet, which concerned me. Sepiala trended more toward a chatterbox than reticent.
When I set her on the ground to walk for a time, she stopped me from straightening by clutching my cheeks with her small hands.
“Daddy, why are you shivering?” she asked. “It's not work time. You won’t go away today. Mama said.”
Oh… shit.
Taking a calming breath, I smiled at my daughter.
“You’re right. I don’t have work today,” I said. “I’m meeting someone I work with.”
Three years, I’d been Reive’s test subject. Three years, he’d done all manner of unspeakable things to me. I’d long ago lost track of how many times I’d died, but each instance where I’d temporarily left the world behind had left its mark on me.
Lirilith and I had done our best to hide the horror that my life had become from our daughter. When I came home, I snuck into the house, staying in our bedroom until I no longer needed to hide under as many blankets as I could. Some days, I never saw my daughter because of this, and still, she’d noticed that something was wrong.
“Are they a bad person?” Sepiala asked.
Focusing on my daughter, I said, “The man I’m meeting?”
When Sepiala solemnly nodded, I made a face. Should I tell her the truth?
In the end, I couldn’t stop myself.
“Yes, Sepi. He’s a very bad man,” I said, “but sometimes, we must work with bad people, at least until we can do something about them. Ok?”
In stark contrast to her serious demeanor, Sepiala’s grin was like a brilliant sunrise, reminding me of the rare times when I’d taken her and Lirilith out of the city for picnics.
Patting my cheeks, she said, “Ok, silly daddy. Sneaky, sneaky until you can stop the bad guy. Like the heroes in bedtime stories!”
My vision misted over as I pulled my daughter to me, kissing her forehead.
“Yes,” I said against her skin. “Exactly like that.”
Reive’s office was in the temple, which given his ambitions to become a god, I’d found hilarious in recent years.
What could I say? In a life like mine, one had to find humor where one could.
The location proved fortunate today as I found a fair number of my acquaintances from the first war—any who’d avoided the draft this go ‘round—here. After entrusting Sepiala to one of them, I made the trek to a most hated place.
When I arrived, I knocked. Much as I despised Reive now, more so than I had before, I’d learned that showing him some respect was better for me. He held not only my life but also my family’s in his hands.
After receiving permission, I entered the office, working to keep my hands from shaking, but when that bastard looked up from the parchment on his desk, I couldn’t stop my insides from shifting into acid. I refused to let it escape from my stomach and lungs, though.
After a surprised blink, Reive said, “Eriadren. I’m surprised to see you here. I didn’t think we had an appointment today.”
“We don’t,” I rushed to say.
I wouldn’t put it past him to start another group of experiments because I’d reminded him that I existed.
“I’m here because of the army on our doorstep,” I said. “What’s the plan to keep them from attacking? Because if you need it, I’d like to volunteer my services.”
Folding his hands on the desk, Reive examined me, and I fought to stay still. My mind was shrieking so loudly.
“What do you mean?” he said.
“I mean…”
And now, I let myself fidget, looking away from my mortal enemy.
“I mean that I can’t die,” I said before forcing myself to meet Reive’s gaze, “and if that’s not enough to send me out there so I can start negotiations, I know their top general. I don’t understand why you’ve kept me behind the wall for so long.”
With an indulgent smile, Reive said, “I’ve kept you here because you’re too valuable of a resource to waste on-”
“I can’t help you with becoming a god if the Alouin damned humans wipe us out!” I snapped.
Oh, shit. Swallowing hard, I ignored how pointed Reive’s stare had become while struggling to control my respiration. Even still, I couldn’t make myself apologize.
“Look,” I said. “What’s the harm in letting me speak with Arivor? If the humans kill me, I’ll just start breathing again soon. I can do that for as many times as it takes to get home, and you have your hostages to make sure I don’t switch sides. Please, Councilman. Let me avert a pointless battle.”
I couldn’t tell if I’d gotten through to him. Reive was, as always, inscrutable.
Lifting his folded hands, he pressed them to his lips, leaning his elbows on the desk.
“All right,” he said. “You can try, but know that I’ll have people watching your family until you return in the morning.”
At his implied deadline, my eyebrows shot for my hairline.
“I should leave soon, then,” I said.
With the shortest bow I could manage, I left Reive’s office, hurrying to retrieve my daughter. I should leave her with her mother, no matter how busy Lirilith might be. If I was seeing my best friend tonight, I needed to prepare, and I couldn’t have a child around for most of that.
Sucking in a breath, I stopped short, leaning against a wall.
I’d be seeing Arivor soon. How had he been? Had he… recovered since I’d last seen him? I barely had.
Had he looked into the experiment that had changed us so long ago?
With shaking hands, I retrieved the letter Arivor had given me before he’d left. The wax that sealed it was still unbroken, which was pathetic considering how long I’d had the thing, but I couldn’t bring myself to open it.
What would I read there? Would Arivor blame me for Rafe’s death, even if he’d refused to do it in person?
Licking my lips, I stashed the letter. I couldn’t focus on tonight and a confrontation that I’d been dreading since I’d last seen my friend. I had to think about Sepiala and Lirilith and what I’d do to keep them safe.
With a long sigh, I breathed out my worries, marching forth to wage my own war in the midst of the greater one.
Interlude 3.4: Despair
Eriadren
Getting to Arivor was surprisingly easy, at least at first. My disguise got me through many a human checkpoint until I was closer to my friend’s tent, and then, his elite troops spotted me. He, however, had been expecting my presence.
I was taken straight to him, lifting a hand to guard my eyes from torchlight as I passed through a tent flap. When I lowered it, I was greeted by a sight that could have come straight from the first war.
Arivor was lying on his bedroll with one leg crossed over the other, holding a map over his face. With his propped-up foot bobbing, he was humming the same discordant tune that he’d been singing the last time I’d seen him.
When several heartbeats passed without him acknowledging us, one of the soldiers cleared her throat.
“Sir. We found the spy exactly where you said he’d be,” she said. “What would you like done with him?”
I was curious if Arivor intended to speak with me while three strangers were present. Given our circumstances, he’d probably have to. I doubted any human would leave my people’s greatest war hero alone with a compatriot.
Arivor stopped humming, stilling his foot’s bob, and the humans beside me shifted, glancing at one another.
“Thank you,” he said. “That will be all.”
And the humans bowed. And they left. And I was left gaping at my friend.
“How did you do that?” I asked. “They shouldn’t trust you…”
Unable to finish the thought, I glanced between him and the tent flap. Arivor ignored me, sitting up and setting his document aside. Resting his fingers on it, he looked up at me, and I bit my tongue to keep from gasping. Such hopeful resignation rested in him that it lit his eyes with a fanatical glow.
“Are you here to kill me?” he asked.
I hadn’t seen my friend for three years, and this was the first thing he said to me?
Recoiling, I hissed, “No! Why would you think that? Stars above, Arivor. You’re my friend.”
Arivor stared at me as if reading my essence before frowning.
“You haven’t read the letter I gave you,” he said.
It wasn’t a question, but I shook my head.
“Should I have?” I asked. “I can do that now if you like. I have it with me.”
Before I could pluck the blasted thing from its hiding spot against my chest, Arivor said, “No. Reading it won’t make a difference now. Will you sit with me?”
He gestured in front of him, and without a word, I folded to the ground where he’d indicated. Before he could speak again, I started rooting through my pockets, pulling out the supplies that I’d retrieved after leaving Sepiala with her mother.
Pointing at the horrid bandaging on Arivor’s cheek, I said, “Let me see it. I swear. If you haven’t been washing those open wounds to prevent infection, I’ll kick your ass.”
Rocking back, Arivor blinked at me for a moment before snorting and shaking his head.
“You haven’t changed,” he said.
Once he’d peeled the bandaging off, I seized his chin, turning his head so I could better see his burns.
“I don’t know about that,” I said. “Ok. These don’t look so bad. Palm.”
Wordlessly, Arivor rested his hand in the one I had outstretched, and I winced on seeing that the skin around its lacerations was red and puffy.
“You idiot,” I said. “You’ve been fighting with these exposed, haven’t you?”
“Maybe,” Arivor said.
Groaning, I rolled my eyes.
“Alouin, you’re lucky I decided to check on you,” I said. “Any other wounds I should know about before I get started?”
“Not any I’m showing you,” Arivor said.
And he smiled. Alouin, it was faint, but I took joy in it regardless.
Arivor was quiet as I prepared poultices and the like, watching me with an unreadable expression, so I stayed silent too. This? Treating my friend’s injuries and scolding him for neglecting them? It was a familiar role, one I loved, and I had the horrible feeling that tonight would be the last time we did this.
So, I savored it while it lasted, but eventually, Arivor broke the quiet.
“How’s Lirilith?” he asked.
That was not the question I’d expected from him.
“She’s quite well. In the last year, slummers have stopped targeting her shelter for thefts and scams, but even before then, her efforts were making a difference there.”
I paused for a brief, internal argument before plunging forward.
“She loves being a mother.”
I finished bandaging Arivor’s cheek, much more neatly than the monstrosity he’d been sporting before, while he decided what to say. Children were a sensitive subject for him, I knew.
Had Arivor ever considered how guilty I felt about having a child when he’d lost that joy? Stars, I hoped not.
“You have a daughter, yes?” Arivor asked. “For the first few months I was away, I kept up with current events back home, but communications broke down so quickly after I left…”
Biting his lip, he went distant, and I took hold of his injured hand, working while he collected himself.
When he eventually did, he asked, “What’s her name?”
“Sepiala,” I said, “but Lirilith and I call her Sepi.”
“It’s beautiful,” Arivor said with a half-smile. “Will you… tell me about her?”
“Of course. All you had to do was ask.”
I was cautious at first, worrying that my stories would poke knives into the hole of Rafe’s loss, but Arivor hung on my every word, laughing at Sepiala’s antics and cooing at every adorable moment.
I continued speaking long after I was done with my friend’s hand, but he didn’t stop me, letting me ramble until I ran out of steam.
“She asked if she could see you today,” I eventually said. “After all the stories we’ve told her about you, she loves her Uncle Arivor.”
“And what did you tell her?” Arivor asked.
I looked away, unable to meet his eyes.
“That I’d do what I could to make that happen,” I said.
“I see.”
The weight of so many unspoken words pressed down on me, and I couldn’t bear it. I’d buckle beneath it, sobbing my apologies for everything that had driven us apart.
Before I could fall to pieces, Arivor asked, “Why are you here, Eri?”
And I could no longer ignore the threat that my friend had become.
“I’m here to negotiate,” I said. “Can we prevent a battle here? From what I’ve heard, you haven’t given other cities much of a chance before your army overruns them.”
“And I make no apologies for that,” Arivor said. “Who sent you? Or are you here on your own?”
The change in his tone had me jerking to face him, and I flinched when presented with his piercingly dead eyes. I’d only seen my friend like this once before: when dispensing orders before our unit massacred a village.
“It was my idea,” I said, “but…”
No matter how much I wanted to speak that hated name, my body wouldn’t allow it. It got stuck in my throat, choking me every time I tried to dislodge it.
“My uncle,” Arivor said.
Slumping, I nodded while he watched me with clinical detachment.
“He’s hurt you,” he said with no question in his voice. “How bad has it been?”
When I thought back on the many experimental sessions I’d been forced to endure, my mind shied away from the memories, and I started visibly shaking. Rubbing my arms, I focused on how grateful I was that my stomach was behaving, not on how I needed to answer my friend’s question.
“Bad, then,” Arivor said before cocking his head. “Are you afraid of him?”
“No,” I snapped, showing my teeth. “Any fear I might have held for him has long since been driven away, leaving only a desire for his death. The only reason I haven’t slaughtered him in his sleep is because of Sepi and Lirilith.”
Nodding in understanding, Arivor said, “He’s using them to keep you in line. They’re your weakness.”
Ducking my head, I unfurled my fingers from the fists they’d made in my lap.
“Yes,” I said, “they are.”
“Hmm.”
Arivor drummed his fingers on his knees, and with my head still bowed, I glanced up to catch him sucking on his lip.
“You want to know how to limit the coming violence?” he said. “Send me my uncle and his cronies on the Council. I don’t care how it’s done, whether with the city’s approval or not, but I want them in my hands by day’s end tomorrow. Otherwise, I won’t lift a finger to stop the humans from indulging in their base nature.”
“Tomorrow?!” I squeaked. “I can’t…”
Even if I’d been inclined to hand people over for murder—which I wasn’t, no matter who they were—Arivor hadn’t given me enough time to extract the Council from the city. I could maybe do it if I included Lirilith and our friends, but we’d be cutting it close.
“If you can’t do as I’ve asked, then I’d advise you to leave the city,” Arivor said. “In the heat of battle, humans aren’t discriminate when it comes to their victims. If you’ve heard about the cities we’ve captured, I’m sure you’ve also heard what happens to their citizens.”
The rumors… Did that mean they were true?
One look at my friend and I knew they were.
“Arivor,” I said with wide eyes, “what’s happened to you?”
Shaking his head, my friend retrieved the piece of parchment that he’d set aside, glancing over it again.
“Arivor died three years ago. I resurrected him now so we could have a moment with things the way they should be,” he said before meeting my eyes, “but I have a new name now. I’m sure you’ve heard it by now. People do so love to whisper it with fear.”
And they were right to. From everything I’d heard… from everything…
“Doldimar,” I said with my heart fluttering in my mouth.
Please, say he’d deny it. Please. I didn’t want to learn that my friend had become a-
Arivor… Doldimar grinned at me, fluttering his fingers as he inclined his head.
“But Doldimar is a monster,” I said.
“So I’ve heard.”
Ari- Doldimar lifted his piece of parchment in front of his face.
“I hope you can perform as expected,” he said, “and if not, I hope you have a better bolt hole than the one from three years ago. I truly don’t want to see you hurt, Eriadren, but if I must, I’ll let it happen.”
For a long stretch of shocked silence, I couldn’t move. I’d come here to talk sense into my friend. Instead, I’d gotten an ultimatum from a man hellbent on revenge.
With a sigh, Doldimar lowered his piece of parchment.
“You should go,” he said. “You don’t have much time, remember?”
Swallowing hard, I got to my feet, making to exit, but Doldimar halted me at the tent flap.
“Once this is over, whichever way it goes, read the letter, Eri,” he said. “Please.”
Glancing at him, I nodded and stepped outside.
While another pair of humans escorted me toward the city, I considered what I’d do. I didn’t want to hand the Council over, but that option had a higher chance of keeping Lirilith and Sepiala safe. I couldn’t get my family out of the city, not with Reive watching us and an army on our doorstep.
Grimacing, I rubbed my temples.
I knew exactly what to do. As soon as I was home, I needed to tell Lirilith what had happened. Together, we could make a plan, and having reached this conclusion, I breathed out a wealth of tension.
When we worked as a team, Lirilith and I had not once met a challenge that we couldn’t overcome. Everything would be fine.
Interlude 3.5: Despair
Eriadren
I’d finished my recounting of everything that had happened in the last day, and Lirilith, already tired when I’d begun my tale, absently blinked at nothing. I was worried that I’d broken her, but then, she stirred, turning tear-filled eyes on me.
“Do you think he’s gone?” she asked. “Eri, has my cousin been lost to grief and revenge?”
With a dry mouth, I said, “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
Nodding, Lirilith buried her face in her hands for a moment, letting me rub her back, before vigorously scrubbing it.
“Right,” she said. “So, you couldn’t reach him tonight. That’s fine. We’ll just have to try again.”
***
The west gate had fallen, and the slums that it had guarded, neighborhoods I’d once called home, were burning behind me. My heart cried for me to turn back, braving the human’s onslaught to find my mother, but I couldn’t abandon the chance to save Lirilith and Sepiala on the off chance she was alive.
Instead, I kept my chin tucked to my chest while urging my legs to carry me ever faster. I had to reach my girls.
***
“Can we do that?” I asked. “I love Arivor like a brother, but I won’t risk Sepi’s life to save him.”
Giving me a disgusted look, Lirilith rolled her eyes.
“Neither will I. Our daughter is the most important part of my life,” she said. “If I had to choose between her and you, she’d win hands down, every time. Sorry, love.”
“Don’t be. I’d be furious if you chose otherwise,” I said. “So, if we’re agreed that we should keep Sepi safe, why are we discussing reaching out to Arivor again?”
With a smirk, Lirilith said, “Because we can do that while also keeping Sepi safe, of course.”
***
Twice, I’d been cut off by humans while trying to reach home. Each time had seen the yowling voice of panic growing louder in me. I wouldn’t reach my girls in time and if I didn’t…
I wasn’t sure what I’d do with myself.
***
“How?” I asked.
“We do something that Arivor and the humans won’t expect,” Lirilith said. “In all honesty, it’s our only chance anyway. We can’t hand Reive to my cousin, no matter how convenient that might be for us. That would make you and me as much of a murderer as they are.”
“Plus, getting him out of the city before sundown would be difficult,” I added.
With her eyes twinkling, Lirilith said, “Not as much as you might think. Sneaking us out of the city would be more problematic, what with Reive’s people watching us.”
“Great. The way you’ve put it, it sounds like we don’t have any options,” I said. “So. What are you proposing?”
With a mischievous smile, Lirilith took my hands.
“We hide.”
***
After stumbling into a square, I stopped to catch my breath. I hated myself for needing this break, wanting to continue toward my girls, but I wouldn’t do them much good if I reached home and collapsed from exhaustion. I’d have to be able to fight.
A laugh filled the square, one that chilled me to the bone. Slowly, I turned toward its source, and such pain spiked through me on seeing him.
Arivor… Doldimar was standing where a street broke off from the square, drenched in blood, and that froze me in place. How had he found me?
He’d cocked his head, as if in anticipation of what I’d say, and as he must have expected, I couldn’t hold back.
“You used me, had your humans follow me inside the wall,” I growled. “Did I ever have a chance of averting this battle? If I’d brought you Reive, would you have stopped?”
As Doldimar tilted his head the other way, I shivered.
“Why would I have stopped?” he said. “Either way, I get what I want. This path just comes with extra benefits.”
“You remind me of Reive when you talk like that,” I spat. “What do you want, Doldimar? I have to reach my family if we’re to have a chance of surviving this. Unless you mean to keep me from them?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear his answer.
“Why would I do that?” Doldimar asked. “I’d gain no advantage there. No. Go to Lirilith. I’ll be interested to know whether the humans can find her before you get home.”
As I sucked in a gasp, I took a step back while a sick sense of knowing churned in my gut.
“What do you mean?”
***
“What do you mean?” I asked Lirilith.
With a fierce grin, she said, “Well despite what happened with Rafe, your bolt hole is still well hidden, and even if he did mention it in your meeting, I doubt Arivor would look in it when it so completely failed him back then.”
Slowly, I nodded.
“That makes sense,” I said.
“So, we’ll hide there while you speak with him once more,” Lirilith said. “We have to save him, Eri.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said.
I never got the chance. By the time I made it back to the wall, the humans had breached the gate, and I’d started running home.
***
When Doldimar smirked at me, I rested my hand on my sword’s hilt, striding for him, but he clicked his tongue.
“If you fight me, it’ll waste time, Eri,” he said. “You may be the better swordsman, but I can hold my own in a fight, for a while at least. Use that time to save your wife’s life.”
He was right. I knew it. I should already be at the end of the street, hauling ass home, but a question had driven stakes through my feet, pinning me in place. It burned me as it ripped through my mouth.
“Why are you doing this?” I said, hating how needy I sounded. “Is it because of Rafe? You never forgave me for my part in his death, did you?”
Chuckling, Doldimar shook his head.
“My son has nothing to do with this. I would never do something so horrific in his name,” he said. “No. This is because of something else. If you’d read my letter, you’d know that. You could have prevented this.”
That damn letter. As I rested my hand over where it sat against my chest, Doldimar’s chuckle became a full-on laughing fit.
“Get out of here, Eri,” he gasped between giggles. “I have places to be and Councilors to kill while you need to make it home before the humans get there. Stars know what they’ll do once they find Lirilith.”
I knew. I remembered the terrible things I’d seen in the first war. I’d heard rumors about what they’d done during this one.
With my throat closing, I backed away from Doldimar, keeping my eyes on him until I could turn tail and run, and as the city flashed past me, I ignored the fact that my best friend’s once loved visage had raised something ugly in my heart.
By the time I turned onto my home’s street, I hadn’t seen any humans for a while, and because of this, I let hope niggle into my heart. It was a mistake, I was sure, but I couldn’t help it. After every awful thing that had happened today, something good had to come out of it.
I barged into the house with the door banging behind me, noting its darkened state with dread and relief. It could mean that my girls were still hiding.
It could also mean other things.
“Lirilith! Sepi!” I called. “Where are you? We need to go!”
I made my way through the common room and the kitchen, grabbing things that might be useful for our escape, before stopping short.
The back door was cracked open.
I was outside before I’d registered moving. Beyond the door, the garden—Lirilith’s refuge from the world—was wrecked. A stack of pots had been knocked over with their broken bits scattered across the ground, and clumps of grass had been torn from the earth, all evidence of a concluded fight. I didn’t see my girls, which…
Stars, what was this pressure, squeezing my lungs flat?
Slowly, I made my way to the shed in the corner, scanning my surroundings as I went.
“Sepi?” I called. “If you’re here, it’s ok, honey. I’m here-”
A pained grunt cut me off, and for the briefest of moments, I squeezed my eyes shut, ignoring what I’d heard.
“Eri…”
Her voice tore me out of my body. From far away, I watched myself trudge toward a tree, watched myself stop beneath its canopy, watched myself examining her injuries like the healer I was.
And I knew that I could do nothing for the love of my life. Not conventionally.
I crashed into my body at the rate of my fall to the ground, and once I was on my knees, I reached for Lirilith’s cheeks, the only untouched part of her, while calling on a power I hated.
A voice screamed at the back of my mind, shouting of a worse death to come if I healed her, but I ignored it. Reive wasn’t here. He couldn’t cleanse the world of any ‘abominations’ I might create.
Trembling, Lirilith grabbed my wrist.
“N…no, Eri,” she gasped. “Don’t want…”
Her eyes started glazing over while her hand slipped away from mine, and I had every intention of ignoring her. Lirilith couldn’t stop me from saving her life, not when it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
When I touched her, however, she snapped back into place.
“You… can’t take… injuries. They’d slow you…” she fought to say, “and Sep…i needs… you.”
Sepiala? Was she-? Could she be alive? I’d thought…
Usually, the humans treated my people’s children much worse than our women.
“Choose her… over me,” Lirilith gasped.
I didn’t have to choose, though. Couldn’t she see that? I could save them both.
“Taking her… to Arivor,” Lirilith continued.
And I stopped breathing. I… I… I…
Huddling over Lirilith, I rested my forehead on hers.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I should have been-”
“Were doing what… needed,” Lirilith mumbled.
My eyes burned as I pressed my lips to hers, tasting her and the metallic tang of her blood. For as long as I could, I let myself stay there, breathing her in while tears drizzled over my face. As I pulled away, I started shaking, running my fingers through her hair.
“I love you,” I said. “I have always loved you, from the moment you first stepped into my shop.”
Lirilith’s grin looked wrong with how much red was staining it.
“I know,” she said. “Why do you think… invited you to dinner?”
A broken laugh filled the space between us, and as it faded, I reached for a knife. I wouldn’t leave her to suffer. When I brought it into view, however, Lirilith weakly shook her head.
“My choice,” she gasped. “Give.”
Her fingers twitched on the ground, and at her insistence, I couldn’t help the relief that swirled in me. It almost choked out my shame or the wrench of my heart as I pressed the blade into her hand.
With her smile twisting, Lirilith said, “Now… go.”
My body had become a wooden doll, and as I got to my feet, fuzz had cloaked the world. Once on them, I couldn’t move, swaying in place as I looked down at her. How had this happened?
Then, I turned away, hurrying to the door, and Lirilith called after me.
“I love you… too, my Eri.”
Slapping a hand to my mouth, I pushed against it—maybe if I pressed hard enough, I could swallow the sobs bursting free of me—and stumbled into a home that was no longer mine.
Chapter 71: Second Meeting
Raimie
Bored, I sprawled on neatly trimmed grass while waiting for Alouin. Humming to myself, I ignored the keening that was ever present here, no matter how difficult that was proving to be, because I didn’t need a reminder of what was hanging at the sky’s apex.
At least one good thing would come of dying. I could finally learn why Alouin had taken such an interest in me. I was pretty sure it had something to do with the gray mist that I’d made twice before: once at Allanovian’s tear and once my first time here. I still didn’t know what it was besides powerful and draining to create, but that mystery should be resolved any minute now.
Any minute…
Sighing, I shifted in place. Satisfying as solving one of the puzzles that had plagued my life would be, I was miffed that I’d be leaving so many others behind. I’d never know why certain people and places had been inexplicably familiar to me or understand the whole ‘Balancer’ business. That one had been particularly annoying because Dim and Bright, who’d obviously known what it meant, wouldn’t share that meaning with me.
Gods, Bright…
With a wince, I rubbed my eyes.
How had Teron killed a splinter? Given what I knew about them, that should be impossible, right?
I chose to focus on that rather than the throbbing ache inside of me, caused by a being I’d both feared and despised just a few months ago.
“Another essence here? Ships, I really need to look at the sequences that guard this place.”
Shooting my head up, I scrambled to my feet when I saw Alouin brushing himself off. His clothes had changed since the last time we’d met, which only made sense, but this was more than a simple change in outfit. A shiny tunic and trouser combination clung to his body while strips at the clothing’s seams had colored lights bouncing in them. I gaped at this impossibility while Alouin straightened.
“It’s not enough that I’m constantly fixing disasters in my chosen iterations, is it?” he said. “I have to deal with you essences too…”
When his eyes landed on me, the god froze, becoming a statue.
“Um. Hello?” I said with a wave. “I’m back.”
As motion embedded itself in Alouin again, he lifted his hands as if to strangle the air with a frustrated cry.
“You were supposed to find a tear so we could talk,” he shouted. “Not get yourself killed again!”
Rolling my eyes, I rested my hands on my hips.
“I tried that. You took your sweet time with answering me,” I said. “And I can’t help it that my enemies are… were so much more powerful than me. It was inevitable that one would catch up with me. Could you just explain-?”
“More… powerful?” Alouin sputtered. “Kid, are you not with Rhylix yet? He should be teaching you about the primal forces by now.”
Frowning, I said, “He was. How do you know about Rhy? He’s-”
How had Rhylix attracted Alouin’s attention?
“Is it because he’s an Ele primeancer, like me?”
“A primeancer. Like you,” Alouin said. “Ha!”
Striding forward, he snatched my wrist, and while his eyes unfocused, his fingers danced in the air. Biting my lip, I resisted the urge to shudder.
With a gasp, Alouin released his hold, turning wide eyes on me, and if I hadn’t known better, I’d say he looked rattled.
“Ah,” Alouin said, swallowing hard. “He’s made a friend. That’s unusual.”
Wait a minute.
“Do… do you and Rhy know one another?” I squeaked.
Shaking himself, Alouin chuckled.
“You could say that,” he said before focusing on me. “Next time you see him, tell him to get his ass moving with your training. He’s taking too long.”
With difficulty, I closed my flapping mouth, licking my lips.
“How do you know Rhylix?” I shakily asked.
And why hadn’t my friend said anything about this? I understood the need to keep things to oneself, but this was big.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Alouin said with a teasing grin. “Now, what are we going to do with you?”
While he stroked his chin, I struggled to remember what I’d been planning on asking him. I wasn’t sure why this secret of Rhylix’s had shaken me so badly. No matter how much it might pain me, my enigmatic friend didn’t matter anymore. How could he when I was dead?
So.
“You could tell me what you couldn’t the last time I was here,” I said. “We have plenty of time, right? I’m not going anywhere.”
With his eyes twinkling, Alouin asked, “Why would you think that?”
“Because I’m dead,” I said. “Where else would I go? Unless… is there another place where essences go?”
Lifting his eyes to the heavens, Alouin shook his head.
“Kid, if all essences ended up here, do you think this place would be so empty?” he asked.
That was a good question. If essences went elsewhere, though, why had I ended up here?
“You say you’re dead, huh?” Alouin said while circling me. “Well. We’ll just have to fix that, won’t we?”
He smirked at the look on my face.
“What-?” I started before a finger was smashed into my lips.
“Hush, kid. I’m thinking,” Alouin said while his other fingers started twitching. “Damn. You haven’t given me much to work with this time. Teron’s blade could have slipped when he slit your throat, but that scenario doesn’t fit with your Teron’s skill set. It could cause dissonance down the line, but the cost is low, and I have so little left to give.”
As he glanced up at the sky, his fingers stopped moving.
“The next time you see me, I may seem different. If the past is any indication, I’ll be more erratic, less patient, and most definitely irritable. You’ll probably think I’m insane. I assure you. I won’t be.”
With his face set into grim lines, he placed a finger on my forehead.
“Please, be patient with me. Remind me there’s hope.”
Realizing what was about to happen, I reached for Alouin.
“Wait! What about my explanat-?”
Alouin nudged me into the space between realities.
“Come on, Raimie. Tell me I didn’t sink a ship and swim all this way for you to die on me.”
Was- was that… Rhylix? He’d sounded…
Ugh. Why was it so hard to think?
Something jostled my shoulder, and groaning, I cracked open my gummed-together eyelids, only to raise a hand so I could shield them. Had the sun always been this bright?
“Ohthankthegods.”
With my eyes adjusted, I dropped my hand into… sand. And the sky wasn’t swaying above me.
Holy shit. Was I on dry land?
“Are you ok?”
Hovering above me, Rhylix’s face looked so pinched, and seeing the worry on him, I remembered what had happened.
“Hello to you too,” I croaked.
But then, I sluggishly sat up before brushing my fingers along my neck. Other than some stickiness, there was no evidence that my throat had been slit…
How long had it been since Teron had attacked the fleet? And where was everyone else?
“We need to get out of here,” Rhylix said.
Ignoring him, I glanced around, trying to figure out where I was. Not far from us, the sea lapped at the shore, and opposite that, the ground rose in a gradual incline until it met with the cliffs cradling it. These craggy heights, covered in vines, sat close enough to one another that the beach was cast in shadows, and along the top of them, a brilliantly green forest ran to the point where the cliffs and beach met.
Listening to the waves crashing against rock, I could do nothing more than blink at this place. It was… beautiful.
Clambering to his feet, Rhylix brushed sand off of himself, before offering me a hand, which I dumbly stared at. Even knowing what was afflicting me, I couldn’t shake the fog swimming through my mind.
“What happened?” I managed. “How did we end up here? I- I died…”
Scanning the forest around us, Rhylix hauled me to my feet.
“We’ll have time for explanations once we’re somewhere safe,” he said.
He started walking, but I refused to follow, still caught in the morning’s chaos.
“No! This is important!” I said. “I… I met with Alouin again, and he knew who you are, Rhy! He said you needed to hurry with training me. That you’re taking too long. How do you know a god?”
With a brittle smile, Rhylix said, “I thought you didn’t believe in gods.”
“Rhylix!”
Shifting his eyes to me, Rhylix sighed.
“In case you’ve missed it, we’re in Auden now, and this place is more dangerous than you can imagine, full of people who are as strong, if not stronger, than Teron,” he said. “Before we have this conversation, I’d like your army around us or at the very least, to be armed. Can you wait that long?”
He… was right, damnit.
“Ok,” I said, “but we will have it, yes?”
Shaking his head, Rhylix started his climb up the beach again.
“If you haven’t reconsidered by then,” he said. “Follow me. Quiet as you can, please.”
Reaching the forest was a punishing endeavor. For the first bit, sand made our footing unstable, and then, the beach’s incline became difficult to traverse. By the time we reached the forest’s eaves, I was sweating and out of breath. Rhylix, on the other hand, looked like he’d barely expended any effort to get here, which was frustrating.
As he led us along the cliff’s edge, I examined the forest beside us. It was different from the one I’d grown up in, more vibrantly colored and with far different plant life in it. Perhaps it was a jungle, like what clogged most of the Southern Kingdoms.
Whatever it was, if anything besides a forest, it was interesting. Something about it… I couldn’t say why, but something about it was off-putting. Hopefully, we wouldn’t venture into it. Actually…
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“I’m looking for a good vantage point. We won’t know which direction to take until we know where the fleet has weighed anchor. Hopefully, if we get high enough, we can spot it,” Rhylix said. “Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to attract anything.”
Attract what?
Even curious as I was, I kept my mouth shut until we reached the cliff’s edge. Below us, the sea sent sprays of water flying into the air, and as in Sev, a need to flee surged through me when I saw water for as far as the eye could see. Rhylix quelled this fear, pulling me down with him until we were flat on our bellies.
Cupping a hand over his eyes, he chewed on his lip while scanning the horizon. This took so long that eventually, I couldn’t keep my questions buried, even with Rhylix’s warning to stay silent.
“How long was I out?” I asked.
“Not long,” Rhylix said before clicking his tongue. “I don’t… damn. The current must have carried us further than I thought.”
“And… how did I get from a ship’s hold into the sea?”
Lowering his hand, Rhylix glared at me.
“Are you trying to draw a band of Kiraak to us?” he hissed.
Kiraak? What was that supposed to be?
“No…?” I drawled.
Huffing, Rhylix turned back to the sea, but after a few more heartbeats, he made a disgruntled noise.
“I don’t see it, even with eagle eyes,” he said. “We should keep moving. Hopefully, we’ll spy the fleet further along.”
Once we were on our feet, we moved away from the cliff’s edge and toward the safety of the forest.
“In answer to your question, I used some fancy magic to break a hole in the ship’s hull. Seemed the fastest way to get rid of Teron,” Rhylix said. “Once the sea sucked us into its embrace, I surfaced further from the fleet than I expected, so I swam us to the closest beach instead of making my way back to it.”
Glancing over his shoulder, he smirked, and I covered a snort with a raised hand. Of course he’d be proud of destroying a ship.
As we continued along, I sighed. This was nice. Alone with my friend, away from my responsibilities, and at our destination, I let myself relax. Sure, we should find the others, for safety if nothing else, but I’d enjoy this moment of peace while I could. Who knew when I’d get another of them?
Chapter 72: A Harsh Introduction
Raimie
Rhylix and I walked back toward the forest, all while I wondered if we’d have to move beneath its strange canopy. I’d rather not do that, if possible, but it would be smart, if we meant to stay unnoticed in this hostile-
Ahead of me, Rhylix grunted while throwing his arm behind him, and I gaped at the arrow shaft that had sprouted from his shoulder.
Where the hell had that come from?
Growling, Rhylix jerked me to the side, yanking me out of my shock—
“Run!”
—before shoving me toward the tree line. Dim was waiting there, just standing, which was weird. I’d have thought they’d be animatedly waving me forward, shouting insults as encouragement, but they weren’t. I barely had time to consider this, though, before what was happening smacked me in the face, sending my thoughts into overdrive.
At any minute, I expected an arrow to drive into me, puncturing my heart or brain or, gods forbid, my neck again, and this made me fast. How many times could I expect Alouin to rescue me from death?
When the trees had hidden me, I spun to check on my friend, meaning to bolt once I had. Instead, I careened to a halt.
Rhylix was headed for me, but it was in a limping run. Behind him, several broken arrows littered the ground, presumably snapped by the dagger he was holding, which… holy hell, that was impressive, but even still, he’d taken two in the side and one in his leg. And that…
No, No, no, no.
Without thinking, I sprinted for my friend, distantly hearing Rhylix’s shouted protest. Shrugging his arm over my shoulders, I reached for Ele to speed us to safety and found nothing waiting for me.
No source. How had I forgotten that Bright was gone?
Then, Rhylix pulled me to his chest while spinning. Something thunked into him, swaying us, and then, his weight was on me. I couldn’t support him, long and lean as he was!
Staggering, I sank to the ground, barely rolling out from under Rhylix before he hit the grass, face first.
When I went to help him up, though, my world became the arrow embedded in my friend’s back and the blood bubbling around its shaft. With part of me shrieking in my head, I pressed my hands around the wound, applying pressure, but blood just seeped between my fingers, staining them red.
No. This couldn’t be happening! This-!
Shooting a hand up, Rhylix shoved my head down, right before something whistled through the air where it had been. Leveraging himself off of the ground, he coughed into the grass, sending flecks of red flying everywhere.
“Still an enemy out there,” he gasped.
Oh, gods. He wasn’t dead. Yet.
“What do I-?”
“Don’t worry about me,” Rhylix snapped. “Get into the forest, and run. Find help once you lose them.”
Stubborn bastard. I wouldn’t leave him here. I wouldn’t!
But I didn’t know how to move Rhylix when I couldn’t even support his weight.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
Dim stepped into view, snapping in my face.
“Use me,” they said.
Oh. Right.
Setting my jaw, I drew from Daevetch and shoved my arms under my friend.
“What are you-?” Rhylix started. “Raimie, no!”
“Shut UP!” I growled.
With Daevetch’s help, getting Rhylix into a stable position across my shoulders was easy, and as soon as that was done, I was sprinting into the forest, erratically moving while Dim kept pace at my side.
“How in the void have I helped you save him?” they said with their nose wrinkled.
I just grinned at them, relieved to see them somewhat returned to normal.
Once I’d lost myself in the trees, I lowered Rhylix to the forest floor before collapsing beside him.
“You shouldn’t have done that,” Rhylix said.
And hell, if he hadn’t sounded cold.
Shivering, I said, “Done what?”
“Come back for me,” Rhylix said with each word bitten off. “I can handle myself.”
“What was I supposed to do? Leave you behind?” I said.
“Yes!” Rhylix snapped, collecting his strength before he could continue. “While in the Withriingalm, I told you that I couldn’t see you on death’s door for a second time, and it’s already happened again. I can’t do it a third time.”
Pausing in massaging my leg muscles, I straightened, eyeing my friend’s trembling body. How much of that was caused by anger, and how much was the arrows jutting out of him?
“Rhy,” I said, firm and with no room for question, “you need to understand something about me. I appreciate the need for self-preservation. Trust me, I get it, but to me, some things are more important than my safety, including my friendships. You cannot ask me to leave you when you’re hurt because I won’t do it. It will never happen.”
I stopped for a moment, making sure I’d been heard, before waving a hand over Rhylix’s body.
“Now, what are we doing about those things?”
Sighing, Rhylix said, “Pulling them out.”
Drawing back, I frowned at my friend.
“Isn’t that the opposite of what you’re supposed to do?” I asked. “Shouldn’t we leave them in place until a healer can remove them?”
Giving me an odd look, Rhylix said, “In most instances, yes, but it wouldn’t be wise now. How do you know about that?”
“You may not have noticed this yet, but I read a lot,” I said, “and I remember most of what I read.”
“…Interesting.”
Shaking his head, Rhylix grabbed the arrow shaft in his thigh, walking his fingers into his leg until he had hold of something deep in the muscle. Then, he ripped it free, hunching on himself with a hiss.
“You understand what I did there?” he said after a moment. “You’ll have to take care of the one in my back and quickly. We can’t know if or when our attacker might come looking for us.”
With a sigh, I said, “Fine.”
Shuffling across the forest floor, I got behind my friend as he started extracting the arrows in his shoulder and side.
While examining my current challenge, I said, “Why would you jump in front of me like that? At least I’m wearing armor, even if it’s just hardened leather. You only have your cloak.”
“And if the archer was using a long bow, who was wearing what wouldn’t have mattered,” Rhylix faintly said. “The arrow would have punched through your armor like it was cloth.”
Grunting, he yanked another arrow out of his body, dropping it on the first while clutching at his side.
After a moment, he continued, “It was a lucky shot anyway. From the arrows’ trajectory and how I was angled, I hoped that it would bounce off of Silverblade.”
He jerked his thumb to where a pommel was peeking above his thrown-back hood. Momentarily distracted by the sight, I gaped at it.
“You have my sword?”
“I paid well for it,” Rhylix said. “I certainly wasn't going to let it sink with the ship.”
“I thought you said we were unarmed,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
With an exasperated sigh, Rhylix pulled another arrow free before repeatedly slapping at the ground.
“A single dagger and a sword do not make one armed in Auden, merely… prepared,” he groaned. “Please, Raimie. Stop stalling. Get the arrow out of my back.”
Right. That. Rhylix had been acting so normally that even with him extracting arrows right in front of me, I’d forgotten he was injured. If our places had been reversed, I’d be incoherent with pain or flat-out dead to the world right now.
Given that, how was Rhylix so lucid?
Shaking my head, I got my hand around the arrow shaft before following Rhylix’s example to the letter, wincing all the while. When I touched metal, I tugged, grimly satisfied when the arrow popped free of my friend’s back.
Until blood started pulsing from the wound left behind.
As it splashed over my arms and legs, I bore down on my friend’s back, searching for something to stem the flow of his blood. My abruptly gained detached state, one I was well-practiced in, fell apart when Rhylix collapsed into the grass without a sound.
His bleeding had slowed to a trickle, but in the short time that it had gushed from him, it had soaked my arms to the elbow. Gods, it was so. much. blood. and Rhylix was lying so still in the grass and leaves.
Before I could panic, white light flashed in the encroaching dusk, and Rhylix gasped, shooting upright.
Awkwardly rubbing at his back, where a patch of Ele now covered the wound, he said under his breath, “Damnit, I get it, Alouin.”
And at my back, Dim growled, “That cheating bastard.”
I barely heard them, too caught in the abrupt switch of my friend’s state.
“Are you… ok?” I said.
With the barest tensing of his shoulders, Rhylix glanced back at me, grinning.
“For now,” he said. “I’ll need another healer soon, but Ele can sustain me until then. Thanks, Raimie. You did a good job.”
“Really?” I snapped. “Because from where I’m sitting, it looked like I killed you.”
“Well, obviously, you didn’t,” Rhylix said, rolling his eyes. “I told you about this Ele application, remember?”
Almost, I accepted this explanation, but when Dim started hissing at my back, I just crossed my arms, watching Rhylix. Curious if I’d get the truth.
Frowning, he said, “I also told you about how it only works for a short time period, so we should locate our friends as quickly as possible. Pretty sure that’s the only place we’ll find a healer.”
So… that was a no, then.
With many a wince, Rhylix got to his feet before looking down at me, and gritting my teeth, I decided to drop it for now. I could always bring it up again once we were safe.
“So far, I don’t like your homeland, Rhy,” I said.
Chuckling, Rhylix said, “It’s not so bad. I promise. The land itself is quite beautiful. It’s the people who aren’t so nice.”
Glancing around the darkening forest, I shivered. How could a place like this be so freakishly still?
“Wait to make your final judgment about it until you’ve seen it in the light of day,” Rhylix said, leaning forward to help me to my feet.
As he ducked, something flew over his head, and a throwing knife embedded itself in a tree behind him. For a moment, I lost track of time, but when I gained it again, I was plastered against a tree trunk with Rhylix copying me behind the tree at my side.
“Gods, I knew we were taking too long,” he gasped, banging his head on the trunk. “Of all the poor luck, running into a patrol now.”
He looked like he was about to try something stupid, so I preempted him.
“Uh-uh. You’re injured,” I said. “Give me Silverblade, and start running.”
“Raimie-” Rhylix started.
“I won’t do anything stupid! Just distract them for a bit before running myself,” I hissed. “I’ll be fine. Trust me, Rhy.”
He didn’t want to, I could tell, but something convinced him to do as he was told. Awkwardly, he unsheathed the sword hanging from his back before tossing it my way. I obviously didn’t catch it—I’d like to keep all of my limbs, thank you—but once it had thumped to the ground, I scooped it up.
“You want the scabbard? You’ll have to come get it,” Rhylix said. “Good luck.”
But then, he was off into the trees. Taking a calming breath, I found Dim and raised an eyebrow.
“Your enemy is to your left,” they said. “Twenty yards and closing.”
Back to subdued, huh? That was interesting. Given how antagonistic they’d been toward one another, I hadn’t thought Bright’s loss would affect Dim so much.
Gods, I could really use an Ele splinter right now. The forest had tipped over into night, but with no moon to provide illumination yet, I couldn’t see shit. If Bright had been here, this wouldn’t be a problem.
Yes, focus on that and not on how much it hurt that they were gone.
“Enemy in range,” Dim said. “Preparing to round the tree now.”
Chapter 73: Enemy or Ally?
Raimie
Raising Silverblade, I caught the first blow on it. My attacker, small and lithe, sprang away before diving in with a series of strikes, ones I desperately dodged or blocked.
Even still, glancing blows got through my defense. While Dim’s help was essential to staying alive, their whispered directions were nothing compared to seeing each jab as it came. Add to that the forest’s tricky flooring, and I was soon flat on my back, rolling away from a chop at my neck.
I couldn’t keep this up.
On my feet, I took off into the trees with my eyes closed. They weren’t doing me much good right now.
Gods, I could use Bright.
Something snagged my foot, and I went tumbling, but before I could get up, footsteps caught up with me. Weight slammed into my lower back, making me eat dirt as I coughed.
Shit.
Something instinctual, built into the base of me, swelled at the risk to my survival, and this primal urge lifted a cry in my mind.
BRIGHT, I NEED YOU!
As a glow bathed the forest, someone coughed.
“I… exist?” Bright gasped.
No time to wonder at their appearance. As soon as I felt my Ele source, I pulled a sip of it to my hands.
Before I could fling my enemy off of me, though, they grabbed my wrists, pinning my hands between their legs and my hips, and cold steel was pressed against my skin. With nothing else, I stopped fighting, becoming a rag doll beneath this person who… wasn’t killing me.
Huh.
“Who are you? How are you doing that?”
A woman?
…Why did that surprise me?
“Doing what?” I asked.
That had sounded muffled, even to my ears, and in response, the point, jabbing into my neck, dug deeper, drawing blood.
“Don’t play games with me, Kiraak. I’m not in the mood,” the woman snapped. “If you answer my questions without trouble, I’ll cleanly separate your head from your shoulders. If not, who knows? I can see little pieces of you scattered in the bushes and trees.”
What? Was she godsdamn serious?
Ok. Ok, ok. No panicking. I could do this.
“I’m not a Kiraak, whatever that is,” I said. “My friend and I have been separated from our companions. We were trying to find them when you… or I assume it was you, attacked us.”
“Right…” the woman drawled. “Because humans often wander through the Cerrin Forest alone.”
Uh…
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I said. “I’ve spoken the truth. Why would I lie, given my position?”
While the woman considered that, I reached out for my Ele source only to find it missing again, which was concerning. I had heard Bright just now, right?
Also, where was Dim, and why hadn’t I accessed Daevetch in that moment of panic? It would have worked just as well. I wasn’t sure about using it now, not when I might be getting somewhere with this woman. From what I could tell, Daevetch didn’t discriminate when it came to keeping people alive, and I wanted no more deaths on my hands.
“Say I was inclined to believe you, which I’m not,” the woman said. “How do you explain your friend’s living, breathing state? I shot him through the heart, yet he lives. Only Kiraak can do that.”
They could? That was interesting. And a little intimidating.
Could I tell this woman why Rhylix was alive? It could get him in serious trouble.
Then again, perhaps primeancy wasn’t as reviled here as it was back home, and who knew? Considering the Kiraak thing, maybe they had a different type of magic here.
The sharp edge on my neck pressed down again, and I stiffened.
“Ok, ok! Gods!” I shouted. “My friend and I have magic, all right? It can keep someone alive for a time, no matter the injury, but the effect is temporary. If I don’t find Rhylix a healer soon, his hold on his magic will slip, and he will die.”
On top of me, the woman turned to stone, loosening her hold, while her weapon fell away from my skin. I wasn’t sure why she was reacting like that, but I took advantage of it anyway, ripping an arm free so I could blast her with the Ele I was still holding. As soon as her weight was lifted off of me, I jumped to my feet, scrambling for Silverblade.
Whatever came next, I’d be ready for it. I hoped.
Without Bright to help, I had to rely on the moonlight to see, but it did somewhat reveal my surroundings and my foe. She was already on her feet with her head cocked at me, and when I didn’t attack her, she lifted her hands into view before hanging her strange-looking weapons from her belt.
I didn’t return the courtesy.
“Good reflexes and instincts,” she said. “Ok, possible Kiraak. Where’d your friend run off to?”
With a snort, I controlled my snickering until I realized she was serious.
“I’m sorry. Why on earth would I tell you that?” I snapped. “You attacked us, and I have no idea who you are. For all I know, you’re one of these Kiraak that keep getting mentioned.”
Softly laughing, the woman said, “Come on. If I were Kiraak, you’d already be dead. You know that. Although…”
She tilted her head the other way.
“If you are Kiraak, that begs the question of why you haven’t come howling for my head yet. The lack of visible Corruption could mean that you control the bloodlust, though,” she said before shaking her head. “In any case, if you need a reason to lead the way, would it help if I knew a healer who might look at your friend?”
It would certainly help me with listening to her. Sure, a civilian who’d accompanied us, Chela, was a decent enough healer, but I wasn’t sure if Rhylix and I could reach her in time, especially in the dark. When weighing his probable death against possible danger, which won out?
“How do I know you won’t attack us when we’re together?” I asked.
Shrugging, the woman said, “You don’t.”
Great…
Well, now that I had some sense of my opponent, I thought Rhylix and I could take her, even if he was injured, and since I’d have time to prepare, maybe I’d remember to use Daevetch this time.
Where the hell was Dim?
“I don’t know where Rhy was going. We didn’t get a chance to discuss it,” I said, “but I know which direction he took from the last place I saw him.”
“Better than nothing. I can take it from there,” the woman said. “Tracking you here was easy enough. You left quite the trail.”
At that, I tensed. I’d figured it was the case when she’d said she’d shot Rhylix but…
“You did attack us on the cliff,” I said.
“Mmhmm,” she said, “and I’ll apologize for it once I’m sure this isn’t another Enforcer trick. In the meantime…”
Stepping to the side, she beckoned for me to take the lead, which I did with my skin prickling. Having a potential enemy at my back was not a pleasant sensation.
Fortunately, after I found where the confrontation had started, our positions switched, but then, I ran into another problem. In the light of day, I’d have had no trouble with hiking through this forest, could even have helped the woman with tracking, but in the dark, I was struggling to stay on my feet.
“You’re very loud,” she said after a while.
“Forgive me for my lack of night vision,” I said.
I couldn’t give her more than that, concentrating on foot placement as I was.
“You made light appear before,” the woman said. “Why not do it now?”
“I can’t,” I said. “Something’s wrong with Bright.”
The woman gave me a momentary break from splitting my focus, but it didn’t last long.
“What’s Bright?” she asked.
Tripping over a root, I barely caught myself before making a face. Getting another mouthful of dirt around this quasi-hostile woman would be embarrassing.
“Who, not what,” I said. “Bright’s a splinter of… Order is what Rhy said. They’re my source to-”
Cutting off, I stopped short.
“Why am I telling you this?”
“How should I know?” the woman said. “Maybe you don’t find me threatening.”
She crouched to inspect the forest floor.
“Oh, you’re plenty threatening,” I mumbled before raising my voice again. “Do you have a name?”
Well, that had been a dumb question. Of course she had a name. Everyone had that.
Rising from the ground, the woman dusted off her hands before glancing at me.
“Do you?” she said.
She walked off, leaving me tripping over myself to keep up. Should I answer that question?
Why wouldn’t I, though? Nothing bad could come of it. Right?
“I’m Raimie,” I said.
Glancing over her shoulder, the woman shook her head.
But she said, “Ren.”
Why did that name sound familiar? I could have sworn I’d heard it before. Recently.
I chewed on this for a while, blindly following the woman. Giving her my trust was probably a bad idea, but what else was I supposed to do? I didn’t know this forest, which meant I couldn’t easily walk through it at night, and sitting around until daybreak didn’t seem wise.
Slowing to a stop, Ren turned in a circle while scanning the ground, and I carefully watched her.
“The tracks are muddled here,” she said. “I can’t tell which way he went unless…”
With a pop, Rhylix appeared beside Ren in a wash of light.
Chapter 74: That Was Unexpected
Raimie
Grabbing Ren’s tunic, Rhylix propelled her into a tree, hovering his dagger in front of her eye. Or where openings in cloth strips indicated her eye should be.
“You have one chance to explain yourself before I slit your throat,” he hissed.
When he fell quiet, though, the only thing that answered him was a shaky gasp.
At first.
Then, Ren was saying, “Rhy? Is it really you?”
Again, something knocked on the door to my mind, asking for permission to enter, but before I could allow it in, Ren started raining her fists on Rhylix’s shoulders.
“I thought you were dead, you asshole,” she sobbed.
Recognition clicked, and oh, how I wanted to burst into laughter or shout with joy. If this wasn’t providence, I didn’t know what was.
When Rhylix glanced at me with befuddlement painted across his face, I pointed at the woman, who was sobbing into his chest.
“Her name’s Ren,” I said.
At his sister’s name, Rhylix became a statue. After a slow blink, he backed away from the woman with his dagger raised, joining it with a hand full of Ele.
“Show me your face,” he stiffly said.
Obligingly, Ren unwrapped cloth from around her head, revealing jet back hair and gray eyes, followed by a button nose and full lips. The image would have been quite breathtaking if it weren’t for the tears, dribbling over her cheeks, and mucus, dripping from her nose.
Rhylix’s dagger hit the forest floor with a thud while his mouth worked, but nothing emerged from it. Meanwhile, Ren took a step toward him, which only had him retreating.
“No,” he managed to say. “No, you’re dead. That’s the way it works. My family never survives, and it’s always my fault.”
What was that supposed to mean?
But then, a tree stopped Rhylix’s backward march, and Ren caught up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. He stiffened, but ever so slowly, panic receded, and he returned his sister’s embrace with his breath hitching. Burying his face in her hair, he took a deep breath before his shoulders started shaking.
As quietly as I could, I backed off, hoping to give the two space. Leaning against a tree trunk, I closed my eyes while tapping my finger on my thigh.
I understood why Rhylix needed a moment. Who wouldn’t after reuniting with a sibling you’d thought long dead, one who’s death you’d blamed yourself for? Even still, I’d like to get Rhylix to a healer, preferably before he needed one.
Sliding to the forest floor, I cast that thought aside. I’d put this time to good use, even if what I had in mind for filling it was something I’d rather not do.
Dim? I said. Wherever you’re hiding, you can come out now. We should talk.
On manifesting, the splinter sat cross-legged in front of me, playing with the cuff of their trousers’ leg.
Where were you? I said.
“You sent me away when you ran from her,” Dim grumbled. “And after that… I know what you want to talk about. I don’t want to do it.”
Sighing, I crossed my arms.
We’ll have to eventually, I said.
“I know,” Dim said.
After waiting a moment, I lifted an eyebrow.
So?
“So,” Dim said before rubbing their face. “So, your piece of Order doesn’t exist anymore, as I’m sure you’ve surmised. That asshole, Teron, destroyed Bright with Lighteater.”
Lighteater’s the sword that he had, yes? I asked and when Dim nodded. How can a sword destroy a splinter?
“That’s… complicated.”
Growling, Dim leaned back on their hands, looking up at the barely visible stars.
“Lighteater was forged eons ago,” they said. “When this happened, purified tendrils of my whole were folded into the blade. Now, other forms of the whole, like the energy that you can access, can de-summon enemy pieces, but what’s in Lighteater can utterly obliterate them. It and Shadowsteal are the only weapons in reality that can kill the enemy’s ‘splinters’, as you call us.”
Well, ok. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of the primeancy side of my life, something like this came along. There was one problem with what Dim had said, though.
Bright’s not completely gone, though, I said. They showed up when I was fighting Ren. Helped get her off of me, in fact.
Dim lowered their head so fast that if they'd been in the physical plane, their neck would have snapped.
“What?” they said, although they’d sounded creepily empty.
You didn’t see them? I said. No. I’d sent you away, like you said.
Shrugging, I spread my hands.
What can I say? They sounded just like Bright, felt like them when I accessed Ele. I don’t know what to think, though, because they won’t show themselves now. It’s like they’ve been wiped out again.
Between blinks, Dim went from sitting in front of me to standing as far from me as they could get.
“That shouldn’t be possible,” they said.
Making a face, I opened my mouth to comment on the many impossible things that had happened to me recently when someone stopped at my side, making me jump.
“Rhy, why does your friend have one of them hanging around?” Ren asked with a hand on her weapon’s hilt.
“Who, Dim?” Rhylix called from behind the tree. “Don’t worry about it. It’s harmless.”
Broken from what had held them captive, Dim bristled, which rocked Ren back a step.
Keeping her eyes on the splinter, she said, “I’ve never heard of a ‘Dim’ part of Daevetch.”
Glancing between her and the splinter, I frowned at Ren.
“You can see them?” I asked. “Are you a primeancer too?”
Seemed safe to say that taboo word if she could see Dim.
“Ha! No,” Ren said.
But she relaxed minutely.
“My sister can see splinters, but that probably has something to do with growing up around one,” Rhylix said. “And Ren? Dim is what Raimie calls his splinter. I find it an apt description of its affinity and its intelligence.”
Seething now, Dim muttered, “If you weren’t Raimie’s friend, oo…”
They took a calming breath.
“I take offense to that,” they shouted.
“I don’t care,” Rhylix sang.
“Ok. That’s it,” Dim growled, stalking toward Rhylix. “I swear to me, I’m doing what I can to meet you halfway, you prissy little-”
They disappeared, leaving me gaping at where they’d been standing. I’d been wishing that they’d go away, well aware that after getting so riled up, Dim would need time to cool off, but I hadn’t expected anything to come of it.
“Um.”
Glancing at me, Ren pointed at the spot I was fixated on.
“Did you just send it away?” she asked.
“Maybe? I’m not sure,” I said. “Hell, they’ll be pissed when they come back.”
“Then, don’t ask for it to come back,” Rhylix called.
Rolling my eyes, I walked my hands along the tree while getting to my feet.
“If you call it Dim, which aspect is it part of?” Ren asked.
“Raimie, no!”
“Dim’s a Chaos splinter,” I said.
As Rhylix groaned, slapping flesh against flesh, I scowled in his general direction. Why hadn’t he wanted me to share that fact?
I got my answer when Ren retreated from me with her weapons half-drawn.
“It’s what?” she squeaked. “Isn’t Chaos one of the more powerful-?”
“Yes! Yes, it is!” Rhylix growled. “Good gods, stop! Both of you, come help with the fire. Hell, Ren. He’s my friend, and besides, now that you know he’s not a Kiraak, don’t you have something to say?”
Gritting her teeth, Ren released her hold on her weapons before bowing with great exaggeration.
“I’m sorry for attacking you,” she said, “although with how you were acting, you were asking for it.”
“Did Rhy get a pathetic apology too, or does your relationship with him excuse you from ‘shooting him through the heart’?” I snapped.
Sneering at me, Ren turned on her heel to join her brother, and after trying to strangle the air, I joined them, finding Rhylix in the middle of building a fire.
Crossing my arms, I said, “I though you needed a healer.”
“Ren took a look at the wound. She said it’s not as serious as I thought,” Rhylix said while using flint to start a fire. “I’ll be fine.”
“I did what?” Ren said.
As Rhylix shot her a cautioning glare, a suspicion, buried beneath the drama of the last hour, raised its head again.
“Uh-huh,” I said. “Perhaps you remember a conversation where I said that I don’t care if you have secrets? All that bothers me if you try to hide them from me. Yeah, I’m getting the same feeling now that I did then.”
With a long sigh, Rhylix slumped.
“Please, just help me light the damn fire, Raimie,” he said.
Gods, he looked exhausted, but then, it had been a long day for him, one as hectic as mine. I could give my friend a break for tonight. In the morning, he had a lot of questions to answer but for tonight…
Crouching beside my friend, I extended a hand for the flint and within seconds, had sparked a fire. While I fed it a healthy diet of twigs, Ren settled opposite us.
“Is a fire such a good idea?” I asked. “Earlier, you were scolding me about keeping quiet, and now, we have a merrily crackling flame to announce our presence. Seems contradictory.”
Ren shifted her gaze to her brother before speaking.
“I find the risk minimal now,” she said. “With our numbers, we can fight off anyone who attacks us, and at night, camping beside the sea can get dangerously chilly.”
“Ok…”
Digging in her pockets, Ren said, “I’ll bet you two are hungry. I don’t have much but…”
She tossed us strips of dried meat, which like she’d said, wasn’t much, but I descended upon it like a starved animal anyway. Finished well before the others, I watched them eat for a while before shooting to my feet.
“I’ll keep watch,” I said, jerking a thumb over my shoulder.
I wasn’t sure why they were making me uncomfortable. Perhaps it was the easy, unspoken companionship I saw between them, even after their years apart. It spoke to the lack of anything similar in my life, and for some reason, that lack grated on me tonight, more so than normal.
Settling into a tree’s hollow, I stretched my senses into this shadowed forest, listening to its stillness.
So, this was the land I was meant to save, was it?
What an awful place. I missed home.
Chapter 75: Reuniting with Her
Rhylix
I've even attempted suicide as my desperation has increased.
She was alive. Even as I watched her finish her meal across from me, I couldn’t quite believe it. All these years, I’d thought her dead, another victim of the Kiraak and… me, but she wasn’t.
I was curious if Creation had known she’d survived, but summoning them didn’t seem like a good idea. Not only did they and Ren have a rocky relationship, but I’d rather not lose my temper with the nuisance right now.
Not when I was so light inside that I might float away. Gods, when was the last time I’d been so free of the guilt and self-loathing ever hovering over me? I looked at my sister and couldn’t quite believe she was here because…
“How are you alive?” I said.
Pausing in licking her fingers, Ren grinned.
“I made new friends,” she said. “What about you?”
With a small smile, I said, “I did as you told me. Ran far away.”
“Since when have you done as you’re told?” Ren said, crossing her arms.
“Since when have you been good at making friends?”
Ren raised a finger to object before blowing hair out of her eyes, which quickly had us dissolving into snickers.
Wiping my eyes, I said, “You’ve gotten pretty good at dodging questions.”
“Thank you!” Ren said. “I learned from the best.”
When she smirked at me, I rolled my eyes before falling into the grass, listening to the signature quiet of the Cerrin Forest. Nothing but trouble had dogged me since I’d dragged Raimie out of the sea, but even still, it was good to be home. I’d been away from this land for longer than usual this time, as evidenced by how many arrows had pin-cushioned me earlier, and in that time, I’d forgotten how much I missed it.
What could I say? Something about it just called to my essence.
“Your friend fell asleep,” Ren said. “He said he’d keep the watch and fell asleep instead!”
With a fond smile, I closed my own eyes, resting them for a moment.
I wasn’t sure what was going on between my sister and Raimie. In the past, I could judge how much she liked someone by how much hostility existed between them, but years had passed since then, and she’d grown up.
“I know,” I said. “I heard his breathing rate transition to a sleep rhythm a while ago.”
“Then, why aren’t you scolding him for failing in his watch?” Ren snapped.
Ah, yes. That oddity of this land’s people. Hell, Raimie and the others had quite the adjustment to look forward to.
“Raimie wasn’t volunteering to take the watch. He was probably uncomfortable, using it as an excuse to give us space,” I said. “Compared to us, he’s lived a sheltered life. He doesn’t yet understand how important the watch is.”
While Ren digested this, I let my arms fall to either side before cracking my eyes open. Even partially concealed by the forest’s canopy, a familiar configuration of stars shone down on me, and like I’d done in my youth, I marveled at their splendor, trying and failing to count them.
“Who is he, then?” Ren asked, breaking the spell. “Is he the friend? The one you were waiting for in the fairy tales you told when we were kids?”
Wincing, I said, “I should never have shared my story. It doesn’t end well for anyone who hears it.”
“Well, I’m fine. Maybe there are exceptions to your perpetual expectations of doom and gloom,” Ren said. “So, spill it. Who is he?”
Sitting up, I crossed my legs.
“He’s my ally, the one who’ll get me close enough to do my job, yes,” I said, “but he’s also my friend. Really, truly my friend.”
“But… you don’t have friends,” Ren said.
I shrugged in response. What else was I supposed to say?
When it became clear that she’d get nothing further without prompting me, Ren said, “So, where did you find your friend? Was it in the same place you’ve lived for this whole time?”
This conversation wasn’t going in a direction I was comfortable wandering into. Not yet.
“It wasn’t the same place,” I said, “but we lived near one another for a time.”
“And where was that?” Ren asked. “Was it far from here?”
Damnit, Ren.
“Yes, it was very far away,” I said.
For a moment, Ren stared at me, unmoving. It made my skin prickle.
“Brother, don’t forget that we grew up together. I know how to make you talk,” she eventually said. “We may have gotten older, but I’m sure I can once more find the spots that made you scream with laughter before. Don’t make me experiment until I do.”
When I said nothing, hoping she was bluffing, Ren got halfway off of the ground before I thrust my hand out.
“That… won’t be necessary,” I said.
With a smug smile, Ren dropped into the grass.
“Good,” she said. “Now, talk!”
Sighing, I said, “I’ve been to a lot of places since… that day, but I ended up in a city called Allanovian.”
“I’ve never heard of it,” Ren said, cocking her head.
“That’s because…”
Groaning, I rubbed my face.
“Allanovian’s not in Auden.”
With her breath catching, Ren widened her eyes to an alarming degree.
“You mean…?”
“I crossed the sea to the land on the other side,” I said, “but trust me when I say that it’s not the paradise we always dreamed of. Not even close.”
Deflating, Ren stared at her hands for a moment before swinging her gaze toward where Raimie was sleeping.
“That’s why you said he’s had a sheltered life,” she said.
And this was another step in a direction I didn’t want to take.
“Yes,” I said, hoping that would be enough.
But Ren looked at me with bright eyes, and I knew it wouldn’t be.
“Tell me about him,” she said.
See?
“I don’t know much about Raimie from before we met,” I said. “Apparently, he and his family lived in the middle of nowhere for years, but during our journey to get here, I saw things that have led me to believe this may not have been the case, although I’m not sure how that could be. Raimie says he was born in a forest on the border of Ratchav and Ada’ir, two kingdoms across the sea, and I’ve never seen any reason to doubt that in him, but… I don’t know. Those are just speculations.”
Maybe said speculations would throw Ren off.
“Interesting,” she said. “How did you two come to meet, then?”
Well, that hadn’t worked.
“He was taken from his home. Nearly died during the incident,” I said. “Fortunately, I was there to save his life.”
Ren snapped her eyes to slits. Hell. She knew I was keeping something from her. It had taken her long enough to figure it out.
“And why were you there?” she growled.
Slumping, I said, “Because I was drawn there, both by him and- and another primeancer. Teron, to be exact.”
At that, Ren just blinked at me for a moment.
“Teron. The Enforcer for this region of Auden,” she said and when I nodded. “Why was Doldimar’s top Enforcer with your ally, Rhy?”
Pulling in on myself, I said, “He was trying to kill Raimie.”
“…Because?”
Godsdamnit, Ren.
“Because Raimie found Shadowsteal, all right?” I snapped. “Why the hell else would Teron leave Auden?”
After a beat, nervous giggling filled the space between us.
“You’re joking, right?” Ren said.
With a long sigh, I said, “It’s not a joke.”
Ren’s giggling cut off.
“You’re serious,” she said. “But… but that means he’s one of them! And you’re friends with him?”
Jumping to her feet, she took a step toward Raimie with her hand on the hilt of her eshvik, and if I hadn’t known my sister better—or thought I did, at least—I might have scrambled to my feet to stop her.
As it was, I folded my hands in my lap.
“I thought you’d be the last person to judge someone for their heritage,” I said. “When we were younger, you always hated how often people excluded you.”
“That’s different!” Ren hissed. “Because of mom and dad, another half-Eselan was born into the world.”
She jabbed at herself with a thumb before pointing toward Raimie.
“His family let countless people suffer and die!”
“And Raimie’s to blame for what they did?” I said. “As far as I’m aware, he’s never harmed a single person who didn’t deserve it. The night he first took someone’s life, he came to my clinic, drunk off his ass, and cried himself to sleep, it disturbed him so much.”
Ren had lowered her hand from her weapons, turning to face me, and certain I had her attention, I continued with something I’d been rehearsing for the last few weeks.
“Getting to know him as I have, I know that if Raimie had been king when Doldimar rose to power, that evil bastard would never have conquered Auden. He wouldn’t have let his allies fall, and he most certainly wouldn’t have let the Dark Lord into his domain. He can’t help it that the coward holding the throne at the time was his ancestor.”
Plopping beside the dying fire, Ren crossed her arms.
“I suppose I can judge him for myself before deciding whether to end him, then,” she said.
“That would be wise of you,” I said with a slight smile. “I’d hate to bring my own sister down.”
“What makes you think you could?” Ren said, smirking. “It’s been sixteen years, and I’ve been here while you’ve been relaxing on the other side of the sea. You may have always won our fights when we were kids, but do you really think you can take me after all these years?”
I’d stopped paying attention to her, though. With my eyes fixed on the darkness around us, I extended a hand to Ren.
“Can I borrow a blade?” I said.
Ren was already offering me the short sword strapped to her back.
“It’s the only extra weapon I have. Sorry,” she said. “You heard it too?”
“Mmhmm. A while ago,” I said. “I was hoping they’d be smart enough to find easier prey.”
Rocking to my feet, I swung Ren’s blade before making a face. Its weight and reach were wildly different from my typical sword and dagger combination, but I’d adjust accordingly. I was a child of Auden, after all. Adapting was what we did.
“How unlucky for them that they weren’t,” Ren said. “Does your friend know how to fight?”
“He’s getting there, but there’s no reason to wake him up,” I said. “I only count four. You?”
“The same.”
On her feet, Ren kicked dirt over the fire before pressing her back to mine, joining me in scanning the trees.
It didn’t take long for the enemy to emerge from cover, encircling Ren and I with many a sneer. In the limited moonlight, I could barely make out the black lines crisscrossing their bodies, which had me fiercely grinning.
Finally. I wouldn’t have to hold back.
“Where’s the fourth one?” Ren said. “I lost track of them a few minutes ago.”
“He’s watching us from between the trees,” I said.
At that, two of the enemy hissed while the woman among them beamed.
“Esela!” she shouted. “Maybe we’ll get to eat tonight, boys.”
As the fourth of them ambled toward his comrades, Ren nudged me.
“How many do you want?” she asked.
“I want all of them, but I also don’t want to leave you out of the fun,” I said. “So, let’s split. Fifty-fifty, yes?”
“Sounds good.”
“Aw, would you look at that?” the woman cooed. “They think they can take us.”
Lowering her weapon, she turned to the man beside her.
“We should end this quickly so-”
With a flash of light, the woman’s head tumbled from her shoulders.
Never let it be said that Kiraak had bad reaction times. As soon as I’d pulled from Ele, they’d rushed the ‘weakest’ of their prey.
What a mistake.
Ren met them with a laugh, dancing between their attacks. Landing blows on two of them, she let the third sprint into the woods, leaving him for me to handle.
I, however, delayed in doing that. Not only would that Kiraak be easy to track, but my sister was putting on quite the show.
Flinging a knife into one enemy’s eyes, Ren leaned away from the other one’s slash at her abdomen, following up with a swing that removed several of his fingers. Roaring, the first Kiraak yanked the knife out of his eye before throwing it back at its owner. As he charged after it, Ren snatched the knife out of the air, bending under the poor man’s sword before swinging at his ankles. He collapsed to his knees while she faced her second opponent.
Clutching at his fingers’ stumps, he spit at her feet, and glancing at this with distaste, Ren tossed her recently caught knife into his open mouth. Choking, he clawed at it, and this last display had me smiling despite myself. These Kiraak couldn’t help what they’d become but even still…
“Stop playing with them, Ren,” I said.
Rolling her eyes, Ren groaned, “Fiiine…”
Lifting the sword, she twice hacked it through the choking man’s neck before doing the same to the second one. Not once had she touched her favored weapons, her eshvik hanging at her hips.
“What happened to your second plaything?” she asked while cleaning her blades.
“He’s running back to his masters, which is what I wanted. Gods. Do you think I’m an amateur?” I said with a huff. “My allies have no idea what to expect here, what with the decades-long communications blockade. I plan to remedy that, and considering I’ll get a more complete picture from the enemy rather than your friends, I’ll track our escaped Kiraak to his handlers, where I can get answers.”
With a dubious look, Ren said, “Are you sure that you should follow him, given your injuries? You say that you’re fine, but I know what I saw. My arrow came close to piercing your heart.”
Came close. Ha.
“If that were true, I wouldn’t be breathing right now, would I?”
Kneeling beside the dead woman, I inspected her weapons, hoping to replenish my own.
“Besides, don’t you remember how little I was hurt while growing up? Did I ever need a healer then?”
Taking the Kiraak’s sword, I tested its edge against my thumb, wincing when it broke the skin.
“No,” Ren said.
Giving her a significant glance, I hung the sword from my belt before moving to the downed men.
“I’ll be fine,” I said while retrieving another dagger. “Can I borrow some throwing knives?”
After she handed me a few, I shrugged off my cloak, unstrapping Silverblade’s scabbard from where it had rested between my shoulder blades.
“Will you give this to Raimie when he wakes up?” I asked, extending it to her.
Snorting, Ren said, “I’m sorry. What makes you that I’m staying here? I’m coming with you. Someone has to watch your back.”
“I don’t need that,” I said. “I need you to escort Raimie to his people.”
Swallowing hard, I lifted my gaze to the stars above.
“I shouldn’t ask this or anything else of you. When I ran away, I failed you and our family. I left you to die.”
With great difficulty, I met my sister’s eyes.
“I’m asking this favor because I have no one else.”
Wrinkling her nose, Ren snatched the scabbard from me.
“What should I tell him when he wakes up?” she snapped.
“The truth.”
Which was more than I’d given Raimie today. As I stripped off my salt-crusted tunic, Ren turned her back to me, and I hastily scavenged armor pieces from the dead Kiraak.
“I don’t like this,” Ren said. “I just got you back. What if…? I was looking forward to introducing you to my family.”
“And I look forward to meeting them,” I said as I pulled my cloak back on.
After a brief pause, Ren clicked her tongue.
“I don’t know if I can keep a soft human safe,” she said.
“You’ll do fine,” I said, chuckling.
While passing her, I hugged her head to my chest, kissing the top of it.
“I’ll be back in a couple of days,” I said. “I’d appreciate it if you left me markers.”
“Of course I’ll do that, you dumbass,” Ren said, hugging herself.
Hell, she’d sounded stressed.
Tugging her hands into mine, I said, “Hey. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. We survived sixteen years apart and with no one watching our backs. We can make it for another couple of days.”
Hooking my finger under her chin, I nudged her head up.
“And once I’m back, you can tell me about your new family and the many adventures you’ve had since we last saw each other. Maybe you can teach me any new combat forms you’ve learned while I’ve been gone.”
Smacking my hand away, Ren laughed.
“Like you don’t already know them,” she said. “Get out of here, Rhy. I’ll see you soon.”
With a salute, I drew from Ele before leaping in the direction that the last Kiraak had fled in.
Leaving Raimie with Ren made me cringe. I knew she could take care of him. That wasn’t the problem.
I’d lied about why I’d left this Kiraak alive. Gathering information for the war effort was a happy side benefit, but it hadn’t been my primary purpose.
I needed to get away from Raimie for a little while. In a single day, he’d come far too close to a truth that I must keep hidden, but now that he’d smelled a mystery in me like a shark would with blood, he’d circle and poke at it until it was solved. I wasn’t ready for my secrets to be laid bare.
So, I ran away, hoping that time and distance would cool off his curiosity. It was foolish, and I knew it, but what else was I to do?
Rather than thinking about it, I focused on tracking my prey, grateful for the distraction.
Chapter 76: Half of My Soul
Raimie
“We need to talk,” I said.
Nylion and I had nearly reached the top of the well with only a small stretch of wall left between us and freedom. Or whatever the next step in this quest would be, I supposed.
“It cannot wait until we are no longer hanging from this numbing stuff?” Nylion grunted, hauling himself up a little further.
“It could,” I said, “but who knows what’ll happen once we’re out? I’d like to get a few things off my chest before we head into that unknown.”
“Ah.”
Nylion was silent for a moment, hanging in place, before continuing with his climb.
“Go ahead, then.”
I wasn’t sure where to start, though. Could I outright say what I wanted to without Nylion reacting poorly? Instead, maybe I should see what he thought about it first.
“Um… this might be a weird question,” I said.
Glancing down at me, Nylion said, “Ok…?”
Swallowing hard, I focused on where my fingers had sunk into black gunk.
“When we touch in whatever way,” I said, “does it feel… different to you?”
Hell, why was I asking my imaginary friend how he felt? Nylion didn’t have real feelings.
Even still, I was desperate to know. When we were near one another, was an emptiness in him filled, the same as it was for me?
“A vacancy at my core is banished, and I am whole,” Nylion quietly said. “When you touch me, I am as close to who I am meant to be as I can get right now.”
With my mouth drying, I jerked my head to the shadows under my imaginary friend’s hood. How had he known the exact words to describe what was always eating at me?
“Why do you ask?” he said.
“Because… that’s how I feel,” I hoarsely said, “and I don’t know why.”
For some reason, this had Nylion pressing his forehead into the wall.
“I see,” he said.
But his voice had been so brittle. Before I could ask how I’d upset my friend, Nylion scrambled to get up the wall.
“Do you have other concerns you want to address, or is this the only one?” he said.
That one wasn’t enough?
“Nyl, you don’t understand,” I said. “That emptiness you were describing? I’ve had it for my whole life. Why is that ravenous ache only satisfied with you? And hell. Why are you at the center of my nightmares? Why has the truth about my nightmares and about you been revealed so slowly and in such a frustrating way? Why now?”
“Well…”
Grunting, Nylion slung his arm up to grip the well’s lip.
“I cannot answer most of those questions,” he said, “but for the one I can help you with…”
Flexing, he pulled himself over the edge before peeking down at me.
“Come up here, and learn the answer.”
He disappeared, leaving me muttering curses under my breath. When I eventually reached the top, though, Nylion was there to help me roll onto the surface, although he quickly retracted his hold on me. As soon as my foot passed through its apex, the hole in the ground contracted until no evidence that it had existed remained.
Rolling onto my back, I stared at a blank, gray sky while kneading my arms. After so long with it present, the lack of numbness, once jumping down my arms, felt weird.
I’d dragged myself to the top for a reason, though.
Sitting up, I looked for Nylion, but as I did, my head’s swivel was stopped by hands on either side of my face, holding me in place.
That was fine, though. The object of my search was sitting across from me.
Beneath the hood, my friend’s lips were tight with worry.
“Please, heart of my heart,” he said. “REMEMBER.”
That one word reverberated around me, and from the corner of my eye, I watched the oily blackness that had always filled my nightmares crumble away. I didn’t get to see what was revealed, however, because Nylion brushed his fingers against my temples, setting something shaking in me.
And I remembered.
I remembered playing in the forest with a little boy. That same boy listened as I spoke of my woes, but this wasn’t a stranger, a person whose features had been blurred.
This was someone as familiar to me as my own skin. This was home. This was a kindred soul who’d been with me for as long as I could remember. This was…
With a cry, I scurried backward while blinking away the feeling of having acid tossed in my eyes.
“Nooo…” I whined with my shoulders heaving. “How could I-? NO! You protected me and I…”
Slowly, Nylion cocked his head.
“I am… confused,” he said. “Why are you upset? I always protect you. It is… It is WHAT I DO.”
But I was only concerned with the cloth draped over Nylion’s head. That damn hood! Too long had it hidden the man beneath, and I was sick of it.
So, I got to my knees, shuffling forward until I was a breath from Nylion, and half-expecting that he’d stop me, I raised trembling hands, nudging the hood back. It fell away, and from beneath it, my own face stared back at me, although this one was horribly bruised and those eyes! There was such terror in them.
“Nyl,” I said, hovering my hands over his skin. “My other half. I’m so sorry that I forgot you.”
With a tremulous smile, Nylion said, “You are not to blame. A binding spell, one intended to lock us from one another, was cast on us. I am glad you had the strength of will to break it.”
“Still…”
Whatever hesitancy had existed in Nylion vanished at this sign of my regret, pulling his beaten face into determined lines. He nuzzled my hand, perhaps intending to comfort me, but instead, it brought along something unexpected.
Nylion touched me and…
A jagged shard slotted into place. An aching emptiness was filled. An ever-present sense of loss found what had been missing and oh. What that did to me… to Nylion… to us both.
“I-”
“I-”
“We… WE are whole.”
A beat of silence passed, and then, Nylion tackled me, burying his face in the crook of my neck.
“Heart of my heart,” he sobbed. “Oh… heart of my heart.”
He kept repeating this while I clung to him, gasping my own mantra.
“I’m sorry. Please, don’t leave. Gods, I missed you so much.”
Slowly, each of us fell into ourselves, and while Nylion seemed content with the arrangement we’d found ourselves in, I stiffened. Even though I needed to push Nylion off of me, I didn’t do it, unsure how he would receive that seeming rejection.
Fortunately, he quickly rolled to the ground beside me, joining me in staring at a sky that didn’t look like a sky. It was much too gray, even more so than what was seen on the cloudiest of days.
Hesitantly, I sat up, glancing around this next layer of my nightmare realm. On all sides, the only thing I saw was gray: gray ground and gray sky and gray clouds. The differentiation in their shade might determine where the horizon lay, but the only color I could find here was in Nylion and…
“Is that… a vampire?” I said.
“Hmm?”
Lazily, Nylion rocked his head from side to side as if searching for something, and when I pointed, his eyes landed on what marred the join of the sky to the ground.
“Looks like it,” he said. “Wonder how it got here. I never liked those stories growing…”
Falling silent, he squinted at the vampire before sitting upright with a gasp.
“What is it?” I asked.
Never removing his gaze from the vampire, Nylion said, “The chest beside that monster. Do you see it?”
Tearing my eyes off of his unnerving look of fixation, I checked and…
“Yes, I see it,” I drawled. “Why?”
Spinning to me, Nylion grabbed my shoulders, and I fought to listen instead of falling into the bliss of union that I’d once more found.
“Our memories are in there,” Nylion growled.
After blankly blinking for a moment, I said, “Memories?”
Hissing, Nylion looked away from me.
“Yes,” he said. “From what I can tell, everything about who did this to us is in that chest. Unless you think you forgot me by ordinary means?”
With the reminder of my natural state recurring at each of Nylion’s touches, I found his proposed scenario incredibly unlikely. How could I forget this?
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Why would anyone do this to us? It’s…”
Glancing at me, Nylion said, “Barbaric?”
Mutely, I nodded. Whoever had cast Nylion’s mentioned spell had torn our essence in two, violating us in the deepest of senses, and that…
Gods. I might be sick.
“Do not let your mind wander too far into the past, heart of my heart,” Nylion said, “otherwise, we might never recover our memories or get our vengeance for this wrong.”
He was right. Taking a deep breath, I shook myself.
“How do we do that, though?” I asked. “If we follow the same logic as the last two steps, I’d assume that reaching our goal will involve opening that chest.”
“Probably,” Nylion said, “although I am a little lost as to how we will do it.”
Cocking my head, I narrowed my eyes at the vampire.
“Maybe the monster has a key for us, although I don’t know how we’re supposed to fight it,” I say. “I’d be surprised if it’s friendly, though. Most of their stories don’t portray them as the kindest of creatures. I wonder why the spellcaster chose such a mythical creature to guard our memories.”
Barking a laugh, Nylion said, “I doubt they did. Have you not noticed that everything in this place is your creation? Being tied down in the well was your projection, although this latest stage is similar to our mindspace from when we were children.”
Huh. I hadn’t noticed it, but again, Nylion was right.
“Thanks ever so much, subconscious,” I said. “So? Are we meant to fight the vampire?”
“Even if that is the intended course of action, we should not follow it like blind sheep. We should be smart about this,” Nylion said. “I propose that we try something sneakier. One of us should distract the vampire, preferably you since you summoned it, while the other one picks the lock on the chest.”
Jerking toward Nylion, I leaned away.
“You know how to pick a lock?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, no. Not anymore. Many of my skills have withered while waiting for you,” Nylion said. “You will have to learn the skill in the waking world before we can move on.”
The waking world…
Petrified in heart and mind, I licked my lips while swimming through my scattered thoughts.
“But… that would mean leaving you,” I said. “I CAN’T-”
Sipping at the air, I rubbed at my burning eyes.
“I can’t forget you again, Nyl. I can’t lose this.”
Blindly, I reached out for my other half, and he obligingly twined our fingers together, making us gasp at another taste of what had been long lost.
“I do not think you will,” Nylion eventually said. “If I am right, you should remember me, even in the waking world. From what you have told me, knowledge of me has been hovering at the edge of your awareness for a while. This—”
He waved at the gray landscape.
“—should be the push needed to break me through this gods-awful part of the spell.”
“You’re not sure about that, though,” I said.
With his lips pulled thin, Nylion took my other hand, squeezing it.
“You will have to leave here eventually, as sleeping forever is not an option. You must keep our body alive,” Nylion said with a wry smile. “I know how terrifying you find the prospect of waking up. I feel that fear too, yours and mine. But you must do it. I will be right here, waiting for you, either way.”
Biting my lip, I leaned forward, resting my forehead on Nylion’s.
“I…”
Scared. I was so fucking scared. I didn’t want to be torn apart again.
“I know,” Nylion said, rubbing the top of my head, “but you must go, and we will hope that you remember. All we can do is hope.”
Chapter 77: Back to Real Life
Raimie
With a start, I woke to the forest’s quiet. Sitting up, I gradually recalled where I was and what had happened last night. In a bit, I should find Rhylix and Ren, but for now, I wanted to sit and enjoy this sense of peace, one that was complemented by my surroundings.
How could a forest be this still? Back home, even when Nylion and I had gone exploring, birdsong and leaves had stirred in the fitful breeze, breaking the quiet. This place had none of that, just an unnatural stillness that was unnerving and beautiful in its own way.
Leaning back on my hands, I heaved a sigh before freezing solid. Had I-?
Holy shit. I had! Fighting a closing throat, I circled burgeoning knowledge until I was close enough to touch it.
And for the first time in nine years, I remembered who I was.
One of two, a half of a whole, Nylion and I were the same person but different in personality. I was… well, me, and Nylion was our quiet protector, contentedly waiting behind our eyes to save us.
While this epiphany was as much of a relief here as it had been in my nightmare realm, now that I was awake, I also found it disconcerting. On the one hand, I’d lived alone in my head for nine years, and in that time, I’d learned to appreciate the solitude of a seemingly natural state.
On the other hand, remembering Nylion was like coming home to warm companionship after a long winter in the cold.
I chose to focus on that while reaching deep inside of myself.
Are you there? I asked.
And from within, wellbeing and joy flowed forth to fill every part of me. Shuddering, I turned boneless, thumping into the fallen leaves. I slapped my hands over my mouth, covering my ragged gasps as tears streamed from my eyes.
Nyl… this isn’t quite perfect, I know. I don’t remember what it was like before, but even still, I said. I- no. WE can communicate here now. That’s something.
Hell, if abandoning the singular, if only for a moment, hadn’t felt amazing. I’d never noticed how much ‘I’ and ‘me’ had bothered me until I’d learned that I didn’t have to use them.
As amusement echoed from Nylion, I wiped my face clean, sitting up. Much as fully reuniting with my other half was life-altering, blissful, the end of the conflict that had eaten away at everything for the last nine years, I could only sit here, reveling in it, for so long. As in all things, life moved on, and because of that, I should go looking for the similarly reunited siblings.
Huh. Interesting that both such circumstances had happened within the same day.
When I made my way to their encampment, however, neither of them was there. Frowning, I crouched, hovering my hands over an extinguished fire. A scuffle had recently taken place here.
As I followed a set of tracks away from it, I called, “Rhy? Ren?”
No one responded, not that I’d expected them to. I wasn’t sure what had happened, but it didn’t worry me. From what I knew of him, Rhylix had probably survived this attack.
Unless his injury, the one I was suspicious as hell of, had caused a problem.
“Anyone?” I called again.
I was about to ask for Dim, hoping they’d help me scout, when Ren appeared from nowhere, plastering her hands over my mouth.
“Why are you announcing our presence to the entire Cerrin Forest?” she hissed.
At her touch, something reached into my core, paralyzing me, and I could do nothing more than stare while she cocked her head as if listening. After a moment, she nodded, pulling her hands off of me, and I suppressed the trembling that had taken hold of my extremities.
“Well?” Ren snapped.
“I’m sorry. I saw there was a fight,” I said. “Why didn’t either of you wake me up for it?”
“We shouldn’t have had to,” Ren said. “Taking the watch includes a promise that you’ll stay awake long enough to keep it.”
Sneering, she shoved something into my chest before stalking off. I barely maintained my hold on this, keeping it off of the forest floor, and when I could examine what it was, I blanched. Hurrying after Ren, I extended Silverblade’s scabbard toward her.
“Why do you have this?” I asked. “Where’s Rhylix?”
“Gone,” Ren snapped. “Off gathering intel for your war effort.”
That sounded like Rhylix. Of course he’d run off for something like that. Could he have also been running away from me, avoiding the explanation he’d promised me?
Making a face, I shook my head. Months ago, I’d decided that I’d trust my friend. Why would I suspect anything malicious from him?
As Ren gathered things from the encampment, I asked, “So, what happened last night? I see evidence of a struggle but…”
“Four Kiraak attacked us,” Ren said. “Rhy and I took care of it.”
I glanced over the campsite, crossing my arms.
“Then, where are the bodies?” I asked. “Unless… are Kiraak incorporeal?”
It seemed like a legitimate question, considering I knew nothing about these mysterious enemies, but from Ren’s derisive snort, I gathered that it might have been more foolish than I’d thought.
“Incorporeal,” she said, shaking her head. “No. I moved the bodies. Wasn’t sure how you’d handle them.”
With an eye twitching, I said, Well. That was mildly insulting.
Something that might have been laughter burbled inside of me, which was enough to soothe my hurt feelings, but then, Ren turned on me.
“Rhy claimed you’re not from Auden,” she said. “Is that true?”
He’d told her that?
Of course he had. She was his sister. That didn’t mean, however, that I was ready to share my secrets.
Gods, I wished I could call on Dim right now. Their ability to detect ill will in others had been of enormous help recently, but if I asked for them now, Ren would see them, which she wouldn’t take well. I’d have to rely on my own judgment.
“That’s right. I’m from Ada’ir,” I said. “Why?”
“Just trying to decide which direction to head in,” Ren said, unsheathing a knife. “If you’re from across the sea, you and your people came here in boats. There’s only one cove nearby where they could have made landfall, so we’ll go that way.”
Approaching a tree, she scored a mark in it, all while I watched, before striding into the trees. I followed, keeping my mouth shut until she marked another tree. She was leaving signs for her brother.
“So. How long will reaching this cove take?” I asked.
“Several hours,” Ren said. “Will that be a problem?”
Hell, she had such scorn for me.
“No, of course not,” I said. “I just wanted to know.”
“And I want to travel in silence,” Ren said, pointing her knife at me.
Gulping, I lifted my hands. I’d faced down a queen who’d thought I was a rebel and a monster with battle magic, but something about this woman intimidated me, even as it stirred my curiosity. She was confident and poised, spurning masks, but at the same time, she’d shown competency with violence, which made me certain I didn’t want her as an enemy.
What do you think of her, Nyl? I asked.
Cautious intrigue welled up in me, nearly matching my assessment, and I smiled at the proof that our opinions still aligned.
As I followed Ren through the forest, I found that Rhylix’s claim from yesterday was true. In the light of day, I did like what I saw of Auden, even if it was only a sample of a forest on the kingdom’s shore. It was much too tropical to be my forest, but even still, it was nice. Having leaves overhead was comforting, something I’d missed over the months since leaving home.
When I paid attention, even the stillness that I’d found so unnerving was broken by the occasional noise. A rare breeze rustled the leaves, coming less often than I was used to. So far as I could tell, no birds had made this place their home, but if I listened hard enough, I could hear the buzz of insect wings.
Ren set a backbreaking pace through the woods, seemingly surprised when I kept up without a problem. She had no way to know this, but I’d grown up walking through terrain like this. Picking my way over roots was second nature to me, especially when compared to dragging my legs through the tall grass of the plains or pulling my feet free of a marsh’s mud.
From what surfaced from Nylion, I gathered that my other half didn’t find it nearly as natural as I did, although I wasn’t sure why. As kids, we’d spent so much time exploring the forest. Why would this one make him uneasy?
When Ren called for a halt, I wasn’t sure who she was doing it for. I was slightly out of breath while she didn’t look the least bit tired, but when she handed me a strip of dried meat, I understood. It was time for the midday meal.
Once we’d settled on the forest floor, I cleared my throat.
“Don’t suppose you have any water to go with this, do you?” I asked.
Rolling her eyes, Ren retrieved a waterskin from her belt, and after I was finished guzzling from it, we started on our meal.
Ren finished first, and after some fidgeting, she started pacing. Good gods, she was impatient to get rid of me. In a fit of spite, I savored each bite of my flavorless meat, taking my time with it.
My willingness to hurry wasn’t helped by the pleasing picture in front of me. Wearing a loose tunic, ankle boots, and leggings, Ren walked the line between concealing her body and revealing it, which was fascinating for me.
Fortunately, that sensation was negated by the weapons on her. A bow and its quiver hung from her shoulders while various knives were strapped to her arms, and a sword and dagger, as well as two strange weapons, sat at her waist. In the light of day, I could see these odd weapons more fully, and looking at them, I wondered why someone had modified iron knuckles so that a blade had replaced what covered the wielder’s fingers.
And that face! Gods, she couldn’t hide a thought to save her life, but in a way, I found that… cute, something Nylion agreed with. That was directly contrasted by the unease I felt with every disgruntled look she sent my way, of course. She’d pulled her hair out of her face, binding it into a ponytail, and that black mane bounced with every step she took.
All in all? A nice distraction
Wait. Only black in her hair.
“Forgive me for presuming, but you are Eselan, yes? You have to be if you’re Rhy’s sister,” I said. “I shouldn’t ask you that but…”
I shrugged as Ren stopped short, turning fiery eyes on me.
“If you must know, I’m a half on both counts,” she said. “Half-Eselan: my father was human and my mother Eselan. Half-sister: I only share a mother with Rhylix. When Mativon fell, Rhylix’s father died. Our mother met my father years later.”
“I see,” I said. “I’m sorry to hear of your troubles.”
Crossing her arms, Ren glanced to the side.
“Then, you shouldn’t have asked such a sensitive question,” she said.
“Perhaps not,” I said.
And perhaps I should feel worse about discomfiting her, but she hadn’t gone out of her way to act kindly toward me. Although…
Now that I looked at it, I typically didn’t antagonize people like this. Why did I have that urge with her?
The rest of the day went by much the same as the first. Blindly following Ren through the forest, I prattled far too much at Nylion, to the point that he might have wished I’d stayed ignorant of him. In response to that thought, he sent a swell of biting petulance through me, which only made me smile.
When considering today—how easy had it been, having Nylion in my life once more?—I found myself looking at the last nine years as if through a fog. That person, wandering through his life so utterly broken? That couldn’t be me. Could it? In a way, those years feel like a separate life, even if its events weren’t all sapped of vibrancy.
As the sky turned orange and purple, the trees started thinning, and when we stepped onto a field of grass, sloping down to a mass of tents ahead, I blew out a slow breath. I hadn’t thought Ren would hurt me, but leaving my life in an unknown’s hands hadn’t sat well with me.
“Aaaand I’ve completed the favor for my brother,” Ren said. “Unless you need an escort for the rest of the journey?”
Her mocking tone soured the good mood that I’d gained over the last few hours.
“I’m good,” I said, crossing my arms.
“Wonderful! Good luck with your… whatever this is.”
Throwing a hand toward my people’s camp, Ren stalked toward the forest’s embrace, and watching her go, I found myself opening my mouth.
“Wait!” I called.
…What in the void had that been? I’d almost been done with this frustrating woman.
Stopping, Ren glanced over her shoulder, and I cleared my throat.
“Come into camp with me,” I said. “Let me get you some supplies as way of thanks. You’re running low, aren’t you?”
I wasn’t sure where I was going with this. Had my subconscious recognized an advantage in helping Ren? Had Nylion nudged me into speaking up?
When I checked, though, only bewilderment rose from my other half.
Bewilderment that Ren matched.
“All right,” she cautiously said. “I’ll never turn down an offer of free food, not from a non-Kiraak at least.”
And there was another mention of Auden’s mysterious monsters. When would someone explain what they were to me?
“Follow me, then,” I said.
As I hurried down the slope, I mulled over why I’d asked Ren to stay with me, but by the time we’d passed into camp, I had yet to decipher an explanation for it.
Things were chaotic here. Around us, soldiers were scurrying from place to place, although a few had huddled around campfires. With pots strung over the flame, they picked at their food, occasionally chatting.
I knew none of them. Besides a brief morning outside of Sev, I’d only interacted with the people stationed on the same boat as me over the last few weeks, and that group had only been a fraction of the army.
Even still, some among them knew me. Pressing their fists to their chests, they bowed, and noting this, my cheeks burned. What must Ren be thinking after observing this?
Wait. Did she know who I was? Would that be a problem here? After all, the Audish people had been living in the nightmare of Doldimar’s reign while my family had sat in comparative luxury across the sea.
At the same time, I was supposed to herald their oppressor’s end. How would they receive me?
However that turned out, I was grateful that most of the soldiers ignored me or outright stared as we passed. I understood why they did that. Ren made an impressive picture, and I was…
Hmm. What words best described me? Maybe plain?
In any case, I hoped these people’s wariness would offset any shows of respect that Ren might see.
Since I had no idea where to find provisions, I wandered through camp until I spotted a well-known face ahead.
“Give me a minute,” I said in Ren’s direction.
I barely noticed her huff of irritation behind me as I raced toward the person I'd most wanted to find here.
Chapter 78: So... I'm Not Dead
Raimie
As I approached a familiar head of hair, I stayed behind him, and I must have done it well because no one had noticed me by the time I was in position.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Hey, dad. I’m back.”
My father faced me so quickly that I was afraid he’d fall from dizziness, but before I could steady him, I was engulfed in a hug. As I raised my hands to pat his back, a spike of heated dislike flared from the depths of me before receding.
Nylion? I asked. What was that?
But I didn’t receive an answer from him. To be fair, it was probably too complicated for emotions alone to convey. I couldn’t ponder this for long, though, because my father released me, and as he did, something walloped the back of my head.
Hissing, I rubbed the impact site. Had that been one of my father’s new tics? It didn’t look like it, considering he was glaring at me with his arms crossed. Why-?
“You do not lock me in a room before running into a life-or-death fight alone,” he said. “I am your father. My job is to protect you, and when I can’t do that, I’ll help you through your difficulties. Do. not. ever. think that you should protect me.”
Wow. I’d known he’d be pissed about that, but this was a little extreme. I thought. Was it?
“Now, who’s the girl?” my father said, jerking his chin over my shoulder.
He wasn’t giving me a chance to apologize? Fine by me.
Stepping to the side, I threw a hand toward the newest person in my life.
“This is Ren,” I said. “Ren, this is my father.”
Pursing her lips, Ren looked my father over before dismissing him.
Turning to me, she said, “You said we were getting provisions, not introducing me to your family.”
“We will. I just had to…” I started before clicking my tongue. “You can’t give me a moment to handle a personal matter?”
“I did, and now, it’s over,” Ren said, crossing her arms. “Get me what you promised, or I’m leaving. Now.”
Oh, my gods. She was impossible! Once again. Why the hell had I brought her with me?
“May I ask why my son has promised you anything?” my father asked.
When Ren stared at him instead of replying, I stepped in.
“She got me safely through the forest,” I said, jerking my thumb toward distant foliage.
“So, she is Audish?” my father asked, lifting an eyebrow.
“And Rhy’s sister.”
My father’s eyes popped as he shifted them to Ren, who was drumming her fingernails on a weapon’s hilts.
“Ah. I see. That’s unexpected. I thought…” he said before shaking his head. “Where is Rhylix anyway?”
“Off scouting,” I said. “He should be back soon.”
“Maybe even before you get me my food,” Ren said under her breath.
Huffing, I turned to escort her along when a familiar voice rose above the surrounding conversations.
“Your… Ma… jes…ty!”
Great… Well, if Ren hadn’t known who I was before, that was about to change.
Stumbling to a stop, Oswin leaned on his knees, panting so hard that his hair bounced on his head. After a pause, he gulped before straightening.
“Forgive me… sir,” he gasped, “but we’ve been… looking for you. Someone… came to tell us… that you’d arrived and…”
He shrugged, and when I glanced at my father for clarification, he followed the captain’s example.
“Who’s ‘we’?” I asked.
“Oh!”
Grimacing, Oswin fanned his face, which seemed warranted given the sweat dripping from his temples.
“That would be myself, the commander, and a few others, sir,” he said. “He wants to speak with you. The commander, that is. I gather it’ll be quick.”
…Shit. Marcuset. I’d forgotten about our last conversation. Given that, I badly needed to oblige the man but…
I glanced at Ren, who looked ready to explode. Why did I still feel the need to keep her close by?
“Oswin, can I ask a favor from you?” I said.
Crinkling his brow, Oswin said, “Technically, sir, if you need me to do something, you can order me to do it, but sure. I’ll do you a favor.”
When I rested a hand on Ren’s shoulder, she bristled, but I ignored that.
“This lovely woman helped me find my way here,” I said. “Can you make sure she’s properly rewarded for that?”
Stiffening, Oswin saluted.
“Certainly, sir,” he said. “What about the commander?”
“I’ll speak with him. Don’t you worry,” I said with a chuckle. “Where is he?”
“Um.”
Glancing about, Oswin pointed, and when I caught sight of Marcuset, much closer than I’d expected, I nodded.
“Thank you.”
I didn’t wait for a reply, taking off through the soldiers around me, but I needed that speed. Not only would my father, who must remain ignorant of my primeancy, be right behind me, but I didn’t know how long it would take Oswin to get Ren her ‘reward’. Before she left, she and I should speak once more. Best to end things on a good note between us.
As I stormed toward Marcuset, something shifted on his face, but I didn’t stop to read it, assaulting him with words instead.
“About what happened on the boat-” I started.
Lifting a hand, Marcuset shook his head.
“I don’t care,” he said. “Whatever special abilities you may have don’t matter to me, and I will never speak of them unless you allow it first.”
I slowed down with him having stolen my thunder. He was just ok with the fact that I was one of the reviled primeancers?
“Oh. Ok, then,” I said. “If I may, how long have you known?”
With an enigmatic smile, Marcuset said, “Long enough.”
“And you’ve said nothing for that entire time,” I said, frowning. “Why?”
Picking up on my skepticism, Marcuset rested his hands on his hips while staring at the ground.
“For many reasons,” he said before glancing up at me, “but the biggest of those is that I truly don’t care what you are. Not three hundred years ago, primeancers were revered, the only humans who could use magic. Given that, why wouldn’t people somewhere in our wide world be indifferent to them?”
…Should I believe him? His claim sounded reasonable, and considering I hadn’t been murdered when I’d stepped into camp, Marcuset might actually keep his mouth shut about this.
But now, he knew a secret that could see me dead, if he leaked it, and my subject or not, I hardly knew this man. Could I trust him?
What do you think, Nyl? I said.
I never caught his response as my father soon ambled to a stop beside me.
“That Ren girl is a piece of work, Raimie,” he said. “How did you come across her? And why bring her here when she clearly wants to be gone?”
Ah… the question I’d struggled to answer since leaving the forest. I opened my mouth, meaning to say that I had no clue what I’d been thinking, but different words spilled from me instead.
“I mean to accompany her home. Unless she’s living alone, I’ll find other Audish citizens there, people who could be our allies,” I said.
Of course, that was why I’d kept Ren with me! It was so logical, unlike some of the other, completely ridiculous reasons I could think of.
“We should learn if we have common ground. Plus, I’d like to know what they need from us, although our ability to help strangers would depend on our stores. A lot of our supplies must have gone down with the flagship. Do we have anything left?”
Humming to himself, Marcuset said, “For now, we have enough to share, depending on these allies’ needs. After Teron’s magic dissipated, the Zrelnach quickly came to our aid. We transferred most of the ship’s cargo before it sank.”
“That was good of them,” I said.
Maybe it would bridge the gap between the Zrelnach and the soldiers from Ada’ir. Alouin knew we couldn’t afford any division in the ranks right now. In fact…
“Commander, would your people let the Zrelnach train them?” I said. “They are the best warriors from back home, and we’ll need every advantage that we can get.”
With a smile, Marcuset said, “That’s a wonderful idea, Your Majesty. Now that we’re on solid ground, I meant to start the process, but if my orders had your weight behind them, the soldiers would more easily accept them.”
“Then, do that,” I said. “Anything to get us prepared for what’s coming.”
“Wait. Can we go back a few steps?” my father said. “You’ve just returned to us, and you’re already planning on leaving again? You haven’t even shared what happened with you and Teron!”
“He’s still alive,” I said, “but that’s all I’ll say on the matter.”
Hell if I was telling my father that I’d died this morning.
“I only lured Ren into camp so I could keep an eye on her while looking for you or Eledis,” I continued. “I figured you’d want to know I was ok.”
While Marcuset had turned contemplative, my father had started sputtering.
“Of course we wanted to know you were ok!” he managed.
Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes.
“Raimie. You need to stay. You can’t go gallivanting off on an adventure when there’s so much for you to do. We have to get settled, take stock of our surroundings, send out scouts-”
“All of which we can do without him,” Marcuset said, inclining his head to me. “We’ll need allies, Aramar, and there’s no better person to make contact with them than their rightful king.”
At that, I fought to keep my face blank. Even weeks after accepting what others expected of me, I hadn’t made a decision about the whole ‘king’ business, but other things, like getting established in enemy territory, had always seemed more important.
Groaning, my father passed a hand over his face.
“Fine,” he said, “but someone should go with him so they can watch his back.”
He gave Marcuset a significant look.
“Are you sure now’s the best time?” the commander asked.
When my father nodded, Marcuset set his jaw before facing me.
“You know Oswin, yes?” he said.
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “You just sent him searching for me.”
Where was this going?
“He wasn’t the captain of your ship by chance,” Marcuset said. “I placed him there to keep an eye on you… after he requested it.”
And I was lost. Why would Oswin have done that? Before the night we’d fled from Daira, he and I hadn’t known each other, and besides that, he didn’t seem important enough to request a position from the commander of Ada’ir’s armed forces.
Huffing, my father rolled his eyes.
“He was—big emphasis on the past tense—the Middle of Queen Kaedesa’s Hand,” he said. “He’s a spy, Raimie.”
For a split second, I forgot how to breathe.
But then, I was shouting, “What?!”
Queen Kaedesa’s Hand. The top five spies in Ada’ir, a kingdom renowned for its intelligence network. Other nations, namely the principalities of the Southern Kingdoms, had Hands, but none of them compared to what was found in Ada’ir. Having one of them defect to us was quite the acquisition.
Still.
“I can’t believe it,” I said.
“Which is the point,” my father said. “You want to run into the unknown? Bring him with you. It’s the only way you’re leaving this camp without a fight.”
Still reeling, I lifted my hands.
“Sure. No need to get hostile,” I said. “Bringing someone with me seems reasonable.”
“All right, then,” my father stiffly said. “Let me know when you get back.”
And he walked away. Had I upset him somehow?
“Nicely done, convincing him,” Marcuset said. “Now, you’ll have to do the same with her.”
When he nodded behind me, I glanced over my shoulder and winced.
Ren looked pissed. Oswin... the godsdamned spy—how had I not noticed it?—was chattering at her, skipping backward as he led her along, and at the sight of this, a confusing mix of nostalgia and irritation rushed from Nylion.
“Good luck, Your Majesty,” Marcuset said.
I whipped my head toward him in time to catch him merging with the soldiers around us.
Helpful. So helpful.
Making a face, I rushed after Oswin and Ren, and when I caught up, she watched me catch my breath.
“Did you get what you needed?” I asked.
“Yes. Your… friend—”
Hell, that had been disdainful.
“—was helpful in that regard,” Ren said. “I’m going home now. Over the next few days, I’ll check whether Rhy’s made it back, but when I do, I doubt we’ll see one another. This is goodbye.”
As she turned away, I said, “Actually, I was wondering if we might join you.”
Still facing away from me, Ren said, “We?”
“Sure. Me and Oswin,” I said. “I’d like to meet your people. See if I can help them.”
Ren held still as she considered this, and watching her, I ignored Oswin’s intensely pointed gaze, resting on me.
“Fine,” Ren eventually said, “but don’t expect me to slow down for you.”
She hurried in the direction of the forest, leaving me shaking my head. This would be such a pain in my ass, wouldn’t it?
“Sir…” Oswin said beside me.
Did he know that I’d learned what he was? If he somehow did, it wouldn’t surprise me, but right now, I didn’t have time to learn one way or the other.
“Later, Oswin,” I said.
And I took off, chasing after a woman I’d rather never see again.
Chapter 79: Da'kul
Rhylix
But still, I've found no release, only a continuation of life.
After three and a half days traveling through the Cerrin Forest, the Kiraak below me had finally succumbed to his paranoia. He was muttering under his breath, jerking his head as he scanned the trees, and I sighed, tapping the branch that I was perched on.
He was right to be paranoid, of course. Infected with Corruption as he was, he could feel me hovering, in a vague sense. The Ele that was ever near me wouldn’t be as potent to him as it would be for an Overseer or an Enforcer, but over the time I’d spent tracking him, that nagging sense would still have prickled his skin.
Halting, the Kiraak threw his arms to either side.
“I know you’re here, Eselan,” he shouted. “You should go home. Follow me all you want, but it won’t do you any good. Come back with me, and you’ll be captured. Tortured to death. So, walk away while you still can.”
Rolling my eyes, I waited for him to decide what he’d do next. For far too long, he continued scanning the forest for signs of me, which only made me shake my head.
They never looked up. It only made sense, given that Auden hadn’t seen Esela or Ele primeancers in centuries, and the Daevetch primeancers that Doldimar raised weren’t usually ones for finesse. There were exceptions, of course, but not enough for the average citizen to consider looking for their quarry in the tree above them.
Even if this Kiraak did look up, though, he wouldn’t see me, not when I had my Ele source wrapped around myself. After doing this for three days, it had started wearing on me, but exhausting myself in this small way was better than chancing the Kiraak spotting me. After spending so much time tracking him through the forest, killing him would be bothersome.
Growling, the Kiraak turned and ran, and I rose into a crouch. Racing over my current branch, I leapt to a new one, gripping it with toes that I’d shifted to resemble a monkey’s.
And so continued the pattern that my days had recently followed. The Kiraak took a zigzagging path, trying to lose me, and if I’d been on the ground, this might have worked. As it was, it was just another annoyance in this chase.
After another hour of this, the trees started thinning ahead of me, and I made a face. Unless our destination lay there, this pursuit was about to become a lot more interesting.
In gradual leaps, I made my way to the forest floor, rolling when I hit it, and at that noise, the Kiraak reversed course to investigate. Sweeping the area around me, he growled to himself, even stopping in front of me for a time. I watched him consider his next steps, all while fighting a bucking stomach at the black vines beneath his skin.
Poor man. He’d once been a human, and that humanity had been stripped away from him. No one chose to become Kiraak. No one.
Daevetch, however, was pulsing just beneath his skin and that energy…
It was my antithesis in many ways.
So, no matter how much I might pity this creature, I also badly wanted to strike him down.
Snarling, the Kiraak stormed toward the clearing ahead, and I silently followed.
When the trees could no longer conceal what they’d hidden, I stopped short. Before me, the ground sloped into a foothill of the nearby mountains, and at the top of this, a fort sat with a tower rising high above it.
Da’kul, the seat of power for this region’s Enforcer. Considering the direction that my Kiraak had been heading in, I’d expected we might run across this place, had even knew it was probably our final destination, but staying with someone who’d lead me to his masters had seemed better than continuing alone.
So, no. None of this surprised me.
The army massed outside the fort, however, did. Given what he was, I’d known Teron would be preparing for a battle, especially after his targets had left Ada’ir, but he was further along with that than I’d thought he’d be. Based on the shockingly organized sprawl of tents that I could see, Teron had gathered around nine thousand people here.
“That’s not good.”
As Creation stopped beside me, I glanced at them, wondering when they’d shown up.
“You think?” I said. “I need to go in there. Will you stop me?”
Creation stared at me for long enough that I was sure they’d overrule my decision, so when they shook their head, it was so unexpected that I took a step away, certain the other shoe was about to drop. With their face souring, they jerked their head toward the enemy.
“You’ll lose your guide,” they said.
Well. That…
Creation was usually much more cautious than this. What could have changed?
I couldn’t ponder it now, not when my Kiraak was pulling too far ahead of me. As quickly as possible, I hurried after him, catching up before he got lost in the camp.
As we walked through it, I couldn’t get over how disciplined everything was. Typically, when so many creatures beholden to Daevetch gathered, chaos reigned, but in this group, no one caused a fight. No one publicly participated in intimate behavior, although noises indicated it was being indulged in behind tent’s cloth, and although dice and cards were in use, the games were relatively civil.
Well. Civil for Kiraak.
All in all, striding through this place reminded me of my recent days on the road, if filthier and much, much more nauseating. Gods, so much Corruption was around me!
The Kiraak had been struck by the same gut-churning sensation. As I moved passed each one, they perked up, glancing around with narrowed eyes, but once I’d moved out of their vicinity, they returned to what they’d been doing. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to sit still for long.
Soon enough, I followed my Kiraak to the other side of camp, and as we climbed the hill leading to the fort, I examined it. The wall was strong and tall with a single gate to breach it, and along its pinnacle, Kiraak patrolled in regular intervals. With arrow slits ringing its circumference, that wall was impressive in and of itself, and I had no doubt I’d find more forms of defense once I was behind it.
Two men, so heavily marked by Corruption’s vines that their skin could no longer be seen, stood guard at the gate. My Kiraak had bowed to them, probably explaining why he needed to enter the fort, and as I came into hearing range, one guard tossed his hand toward the gate.
“-forth and accept your punishment, worm,” he grumbled.
“Thank you, my better,” my Kiraak said.
Still bowed, he bobbed his body twice before rushing through the gate. I darted after him, relying on speed to get me through, but I didn’t stick around to see if the guards had detected my presence.
As expected, siege machines dotted the fort’s bailey, facing in all directions. Enough of them were here that, with the addition of the wall, thinking about the probable casualties required to take this place made me wince.
Several squat buildings sat at the tower’s base, and it was to one of these that my Kiraak scurried. I slipped in after him, right before the door closed.
Inside, it was dark with only one lantern to light it. After a scan of the building’s interior, I kept my focus on its occupants. Its décor called to mind too many painful events I’d rather forget.
A woman with beautifully delicate features was glaring at a portly man, shuffling in front of her desk, and even partially blocked by her hands, her eyes were so cold. Ignoring her newest guest, the woman stood, circling the desk to get in the man’s face.
As she came into the light, I raised an eyebrow. When shadows had partially hidden her, I’d thought it was so, but even still, the faded color of the Corruption under her skin took me by surprise.
An Overseer? That type of Kiraak, the ones who had enough control to receive positions in Auden’s shaky government, weren’t usually found in random forts in the middle of nowhere.
With her hand shooting out, the woman grabbed the man’s chin, forcing him to stop his shuffling.
Digging her fingers into his jaw, she calmly said, “You had one task, you insignificant peon. Bring me what I need to keep this army fed. My underlings may not need food to survive, but it keeps them strong and malleable. Given that, do you understand how much trouble your failure has caused me?”
The man was so firmly held that he could barely nod, and once he had, the woman hummed to herself while drawing a knife. As she rested it against his neck, he whimpered.
“My Enforcer will not be pleased,” she said. “I should make you bleed for that.”
When she tightened her hold, I winced. That man would have bruises, if he survived this.
He started pleading for his life, and rolling her eyes, the woman dropped her hold on him, slapping him hard enough that he stumbled away.
“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood,” she said before pointing at the door. “Go. Do not fail me again.”
The man dipped into a quick bow before rushing for safety, leaving me and my Kiraak here. From what I could tell, he thought coming to his Overseer had probably been a mistake, not that I could blame him.
As she sheathed her knife, she mumbled under her breath, barely audible to my typically impeccable hearing.
“Why do they always think I’ll kill them? Sure, I like my fun, same as the rest, but killing? It serves no purpose, and it’s messy.”
Making a face, she shook her head while I cocked mine. An Overseer, unconsumed by blood lust? That was unusual, although considering who her Enforcer was, perhaps it wasn’t.
Even when I’d been a child, Teron had had a reputation for restraint. I wondered why that was.
“Oh, well,” the Overseer said. “On to the next. You! What the fuck are you doing here, uninvited?”
With a deep bow, my Kiraak said, “Please, forgive me, Overseer Nessaira. I bring news from my scout of South Cerrin Forest, news that will be of great worth to you.”
Rolling her eyes, Nessaira waved for him to get up.
“Yes, yes. What is it?” she said.
“While in the forest, I ran across a group of rebels, my better. From what I could see, they were Esela,” the Kiraak said, “but more importantly, one used white light to move far more quickly than he should have.”
Nessaira fell still.
“An Ele primeancer?” she said.
“That’s what it looked like, my better.”
The Kiraak looked so pleased with himself, but based on how Nessaira had shifted her posture, he shouldn’t be. I had no doubt she was about to punish him for bringing her this news.
With a smile, Nessaira said, “This was well done. Go to the quartermaster. I’ll let them know that you’ve earned a week’s worth of food. Also, I’ll ensure you’re kept off of the front line for any upcoming battles.”
…What?! This couldn’t be right. It wasn’t how someone like her usually responded to bad news. This lucky asshole.
Bowing again, the Kiraak said, “Thank you, my better.”
He scurried out the door, and Nessaira waited for ten heartbeats before erupting into a screaming rage, throwing items across the room. There was the reaction I’d expected.
Once she’d calmed down, though, she stormed out of the building, heading for the tower. Taking its steps two at a time, she made keeping up with her difficult, but I managed, and once we’d reached the top, I got a break.
As expected, I found nothing but opulence here. A pair of comfortable chairs sat in front of a fireplace with an intricately patterned rug beneath them, and on the bed at my side, far too many pillows rested. Several candelabra lit the room, touching every place that sunbeams couldn’t reach, and the glass in the room’s windows filtered this into a deep yellow color. A claw-foot desk had been shoved against the wall, and there, with his back to me, sat Teron.
Damn. He’d survived getting shoved into the sea.
“Nessa, dear, I’m working,” the bastard said. “I don’t have time to play.”
“That’s not why I’m here,” Nessaira said, “although when you do have the time, it would be fun.”
Striding to the chairs, she spun one to face Teron, but he never looked up from what he was writing.
Speaking of which, I should take a peek at that. Restraining the Ele on me, I crept toward the desk.
“You’ve brought me something important, then?” Teron said. “But of course you have. You handle this region’s tedium so well.”
“Why, thank you, great one,” Nessaira said, bowing in her chair.
Looking down on Teron’s hair, I fought to keep my hands off my weapons. This man had not only hounded Raimie over the last few months, nearly killing him twice, but many, many years ago, he’d led the Harvest that had seen my parents dead.
The only reason he was still alive, so many months after our first meeting, was how badly my friend had needed me in the times we’d clashed, and unfortunately, I still couldn’t take his head now. If the army outside attacked the people from Ada’ir, having its leader as a known quantity would be nice.
So, instead of cutting the bastard’s throat, I leaned over his shoulder.
“One of the newly-turned just came to me. Interrupted my meeting with the mayor of Latchentak,” Nessaira said.
“I assume you punished this person accordingly,” Teron interrupted. “Our Lord Doldimar may allow the rank and file to run rampant near Elisk, but we can’t afford that here on the fringes, where the rebels have maintained a foothold.”
“I would have, great one, but the news he brought me was too important. Punishing a behavior that we should encourage didn’t seem wise,” Nessaira said. “In any case, he claims to have seen an Ele primeancer somewhere in South Cerrin Forest.”
Teron’s pen, scratching until now, stopped.
“I see why you’ve brought me this problem,” he said.
And he started writing again. I wouldn’t get anything from the scrawl, though. It was encoded, which given the constant power struggles among the Enforcers, only made sense.
Still, I stayed at Teron’s shoulder since he apparently hadn’t detected my presence.
“So, he survived. Of course he did. What am I thinking?” he said. “Does he mean to stay with his army now that his ally’s dead? Nessa. Your thoughts?”
“It doesn’t matter if he does or not,” Nessaira said. “From our scouts’ reports, we greatly outnumber them. We’ll wipe them out.”
Humming, Teron tilted his head from side to side.
“True, and while he’s often tipped the odds in the enemy’s favor, he alone can’t change things this time,” he said. “To be safe, we should send the army out at first light. Give the invaders little time to prepare.”
Damn… With that order, I’d have a few days head start on the enemy, if I pushed myself. Would that be enough time for my allies?
“Given this, it might be best to chase our spy away, although it was kind of you to bring him to me. He can sow the seeds of fear and discord for us,” Teron continued. “What do you think, Nessa?”
Oh… hell. Dropping my Ele bubble, I reached for a dagger, hoping to score a hit on the bastard who’d ruined my life here, but a sixth sense warned me to dodge sideways, right as a throwing knife sped through where my neck had been. While it embedded in the wall over Teron’s head, Creation popped into being beside me.
“You need to go!” they shouted. “Now!”
They gestured, and I no longer controlled my body. My legs sent me toward a window, even as I craned my neck to glare at Teron, wishing I could hurt him. That asshole hadn’t once looked up from the letter he’d been writing.
Then, I was crashing through glass with the wind soon whistling around me, giving me a potent reminder of the one fear I’d never conquered. Far more quickly than it should, the ground was rushing to smear me into paste, and with panic searing through my mind, I couldn’t find a viable attraction point for Ele, which meant…
“Godsdamnit,” I grumbled.
I struggled with it, but as the roofs of the buildings below pulled level with me, I shifted into a hawk. While I snatched my cloak from the air, the rest of my clothes flopped into the grass below, and flapping my wings, I barely avoided the same fate.
As I gained height, I dodged a few arrows, but soon, I was in the clear, banking back the way I’d come earlier today.
Soaring above the forest’s canopy, an elusive sense of freedom fell over me, letting temptation in. Abandoning the cause would be so simple. I could keep flying, never look back, and have a simple life.
What more did I need besides the hunt for prey, a home to roost in, and water to quench my thirst? I could be free, free, FREE like I hadn’t been in forever. Just me and the quest for survival and friends to help with it.
My friends…
Ramie.
He needed me.
Making a sharp dive, I pulled up near the ground, releasing my shape change. I rolled along the forest floor, and stopping, I coughed into the leaves, shaking my head to clear it of a hawk’s mindset. I’d almost gotten stuck in that form again, one of the reasons I hated Esela magic.
A breath later, the second reason, an energy drain, hit me hard. Barely keeping my eyes open, I crawled to my cloak, folding myself into it, and as I collapsed, Creation made another appearance.
“I’m sorry,” they said.
I didn’t have the energy to shout at them for overruling my decisions in the tower.
“Just keep watch,” I said.
Then, consciousness fled from me.
Chapter 80: Why Didn't You Tell Me?
Raimie
Ren was determined to lose me and Oswin in this strange forest. In the short time we’d been following her, I’d lost sight of her a handful of times already.
Considering night was quickly falling, this didn’t surprise me, even if it was concerning. If Ren shook us off her tail, I couldn’t find my way back to camp.
Perhaps I wouldn’t have to, though, given who was at my side. A spy from a Queen’s Hand could definitely backtrack along the progress we’d made, right?
Then again, I was skeptical that Oswin was what my father had claimed he was. Since shortly after we’d entered the forest, he’d been puffing and panting beside me, not that I could blame him. Ren was taking us through a different section of the forest, and while its terrain was similar to before, we’d been traveling at a swift, climbing rate, which given the mountains looming ahead of us, we should have expected.
Still.
“You’re out of shape for a spy, especially one from a Hand,” I said.
Licking his lips, Oswin shot a pointed glance at me before fixing his eyes ahead.
“So, they finally told you. I wasn’t sure,” he said. “I’m sorry to have kept it from you, sir. Before they’d let me help, I had to agree to that stipulation.”
Finally? Meaning Oswin had wanted me to know about this for a while? If that was the case, why hadn’t Marcuset or my father let him share?
“As for your question, I’ve been stuck in Daira, mired in paperwork, for the last year or so,” Oswin continued, “and that hasn’t been conducive to staying in shape.”
Snorting, I shook my head, letting a smile crawl across my face. I hadn’t expected an answer to my original question, using it to broach the subject instead. Still, I wasn’t upset to have one.
With the subject addressed, though, I wasn’t sure how to continue. On the journey to Auden, I’d grown fond of Oswin. He’d been the only member of the crew that I’d found approachable. Add to that the strong sense of familiarity I’d always felt around him, and I was left with an easy companionship forming between us.
Now, though, I knew he was a spy, and because of that, I had to wonder if he’d faked the friendliness between us. I’d even dismiss the nagging familiarity I'd felt around him as a manufactured emotion if I hadn’t run into it before meeting him.
And of course, there was the question of his loyalty.
Rubbing my face, I said, I don’t know what to do, Nyl. What do you think?
Nylion would have a plan for this. He always did.
If this was so, however, he couldn’t convey it with emotion alone. I got a sense of reassurance and a surge of warmth, but that was it, and I wasn’t sure what either feeling was supposed to mean.
“Sir? I didn’t mean to distress you,” Oswin said. “Do you need a minute? I can stop the girl if you like.”
When considering how Ren might react to that, I winced.
“No, I’ll be ok,” I said. “I’m just…”
Sucking on my lip, I scanned the trees ahead of us, wondering if we’d lost our guide. I didn’t see her nearby.
“It’s a lot, all right?” I eventually continued. “For one thing, how can I believe you’ve truly defected? No member of any Hand, especially not Kaedesa’s, has ever broken faith with the monarch they serve, and yet, here you are.”
I waved a hand over Oswin, frowning when I saw his rueful smirk.
“What?” I snapped.
Shaking his head, Oswin fixed his eyes on the ground.
“Sorry, sir. I’m not laughing at you. Your question is more than reasonable,” he said, “but technically, I haven’t broken faith with the person I serve. I inherited my position in the Hand, and at the time, Kaedesa didn’t take my oath of loyalty. In fact, she never has. So, while I served in her Hand, I may have advanced Ada’ir’s interests, but my loyalty has always remained with my king: you.”
Freezing up, I nearly tripped over myself before I could force my body forward again.
Him too? Good gods, how many people wanted something from me that I could never give?
Despite my quick recovery, Oswin must have seen my stumble, considering how hard he’d pressed his hand to his mouth. He was acting in an exceptionally callous manner toward the man he professed to serve.
After a moment, he got a hold of himself, clearing his throat.
“Forgive me. Did you have other concerns?” he said. “I’d rather address them now than when we’re surrounded by possible hostiles.”
Much as it galled me to admit, he was right. I would much rather ignore the spy, his flippancy, and the conundrums he represented, but like he’d said, I should address the issues between us while we had peace.
Even knowing that, I was reluctant to mention the chief of these. Could I tell Oswin about how I’d seen him in Daira and felt like I’d known him for my whole life?
He’d think I was crazy, wouldn’t he? I said.
Surprisingly, Nylion responded to this with another surge of reassurance. He wanted me to talk about it?
“I…” I said before sighing. “Back in Daira, do you remember how strangely I acted when we met?”
Glancing toward me, Oswin said, “Yes…?”
Oh, this was a bad idea. I opened my mouth anyway.
“I-”
From out of nowhere, Ren stepped in front of me.
“I agreed to take you to my home, not to lead you along at a leisurely pace while you yammer nonsense at each other,” she hissed. “The only reason I haven’t left you behind is because my brother would be pissed if I did.”
She distinctly ignored the blade that Oswin was holding a breath from her skin, although he lowered it when I glared at him. Gods, for a moment, I’d forgotten how frustrating this woman was.
“So… shut up and pick up the pace?” I said, lifting an eyebrow.
“No,” Ren said. “Shut up and don’t move while I prepare a few things.”
She stalked out of sight while I exchanged a glance with Oswin.
‘Where’d you find her?’ he mouthed, pointing after Ren.
Rolling my eyes, I turned aside.
Why did you want me to tell him about that weird sense of familiarity I keep having? I said before wincing. No, don’t answer that. I shouldn’t have asked it here. It can wait until I return to my nightmare realm, although… it’s not truly a nightmare anymore, is it? Not with you there.
What else could I call that strange place, though? As I shook my head, Nylion leaked affection to me, and I made a face, although it wasn’t directed at him.
As absolutely glorious as I found communicating with Nylion to be, it was quickly losing its charm in the face of its limitations. How I wished that I could hear his voice like I had when we were kids!
That wasn’t what we had now, though. No, we had weak swells of feeling, ones that could only convey vague meaning. It was better than nothing but…
Sighing, I rubbed my eyes.
Speaking of invisible companions, I should probably check on Dim while Ren was busy. When I called on them, however, they failed to appear, which had me frowning. Curious, I reached out for my source, found it, and pulled the tiniest sliver of Daevetch to me.
So, Dim was here, if hidden behind the physical plane. Were they avoiding me?
Our last conversation had ended on a weird note. By the time we’d finished speaking, they’d seemed… afraid of me, which was troubling, and I’d sent them away after that. I could see them acting petulant enough to ‘punish’ me by withdrawing.
Before I could again call on them to test this theory, Ren stepped into view with several strips of cloth in hand, and as she came closer, Oswin and I gave her our attention.
“My home’s not far from here, and because of that, I’ll need to blindfold you for the rest of the trip,” she said, raising a hand when Oswin started to speak. “You can keep your weapons. I’m not trying to defang you. It’s just that keeping my home safe requires secrecy. We do the same thing when escorting survivors from Harvested villages into town.”
Even with the explanation, Oswin looked unhappy with the idea, but while I didn’t like it either, I extended a hand for the blindfolds.
“Whatever makes you comfortable,” I said.
Nodding, Ren handed a cloth strip over, and I wrapped it around my face before tying it off. She checked my work before taking my hand.
Which meant she was touching me.
As soon as that registered, I was rooted in place, fighting off a vivid sense of petrification from myself and Nylion. How easily this woman could hurt us, slap us, use any of her weapons to end our life. What had we been thinking? We should rip this blindfold off and run…
Ren pressed my hand into Oswin’s, taking the pressure off of me, and while I was still doused in a cold sweat, I had enough clarity to wonder why I’d had such a visceral reaction to her touch.
Unfortunately, when she tugged on my other hand, I still wasn’t completely free of it. Reflexively, all of me tightened, including my grip on Oswin, and he cleared his throat.
“If I may, you should use me as the middle link while leading us along,” he said. “My king would prefer to keep one hand free, the better to help if we’re attacked.”
Was that why anxiety was making my skin crawl?
“…Smart,” Ren said.
She released me, erasing the ants skittering over my skin.
“You don’t have the same preference?”
“I don’t need free hands to help,” Oswin said.
Even blindfolded as I was, I could see his damn smirk. Somehow, I kept my resulting laugh contained.
“I… see,” Ren said.
She had nothing more, and after two heartbeats, the pull of Oswin’s hand propelled me forward. For this part, Ren was kind enough to take it slowly, calling out when we encountered obstacles. Those warnings, along with the noises that Oswin and I were making, had me wincing, partially in reaction to the expressions of displeasure that I could only imagine were crossing Ren’s face.
The incline we’d been climbing steepened until I was using my free hand to traverse it, although this didn’t last for long. Before I could ask for a break, the ground leveled off, and for a time, Ren led us through a place with much crisper air. There was more ambient noise here—leaves rustling and water trickling—than we’d found at a lower elevation as well.
Soon enough, though, she stopped.
“You can remove the blindfolds,” she said.
Oswin released my hand, and I joined him in pulling cloth off of my face, wincing when I rubbed it. I’d tied that too tightly.
When I lowered my hands, I sucked in a gasp. By an unknown magic, I’d been transported across the sea to the forest of my youth, even if this one was overshadowed by mountains.
Despite that, I couldn’t stop my vision from fuzzing while my throat worked. Gods, it felt like home.
I’d never have that again.
“Sir?” Oswin said. “Are you all right?”
“Fine,” I said. “A piece of the past just caught up with me.”
“I see.”
Shaking myself, I glanced about the clearing with a critical eye. It seemed ordinary, outlined by trees that quickly thickened into a true forest. A cliff face, hidden by the branches and leaves to either side of it, rose into a promontory before swooping into a larger mountain. Ivy clung to portions of this cliff, nearly concealing the crevasse in its center.
With glinting eyes and a pleased smirk, Ren fluttered her hands while bowing.
“Welcome to Tiro,” she said.
Glancing at Oswin, I raised an eyebrow. Was I missing something? I saw no signs of civilization here.
Before I could ponder the question, a crack split the air, and the cliff face… moved.
With Nylion’s upsurge of glee making my eyes pop wide, my mouth dropped open. What on…?
As the crevasse in the cliff face gaped wider, lanterns and buildings and people peeked out from between it, and one of those people lowered their hands from their hips before striding toward us. I didn’t pay them much mind, too occupied by everything else I could see.
A village! The cliff face had been hiding a village.
Was this Ren’s home? Gods. I had more to learn about the Audish people than I’d thought.
“Did you pick up some strays again, Ren? That won’t make Dury happy.”
The person heading for us—a teenage boy, it turned out—stopped nearby while crossing his arms. As he cocked his head, his sandy hair tumbled to the side, and the mischievous grin that he showed us had Ren clicking her tongue.
“They’re guests, not refugees, Had-had,” she said. “Once they’ve spoken with Dury, they’ll keep to themselves until they can leave in the morning.”
Pouting, the kid said, “Aww… I was so looking forward to seeing you get chewed out! Although… you do have Dury wrapped around your little finger. You’d have to mess up much worse than this before he’d yell at you.”
“Brothers,” Ren said under her breath before gesturing to us. “Want to introduce yourself to our guests?”
The kid made a face before turning to us, but before he’d pivoted, I’d already had my hand out, ready to shake.
“Hello! My name’s Raimie,” I said. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Giving my hand an odd look, the kid said, “Likewise. I’m Hadrion.”
I got the most brilliant smile before Hadrion turned his attention to Oswin.
“Who’re you?”
Did they not shake hands here? From how furrowed Ren’s brow had become, I’d say that they didn’t. How odd.
Lowering my arm, I flexed my fingers while watching Oswin ooze charm at the teenager.
With a courtly bow, he said, “I am Oswin, good sir. If I may ask, how do you know our fair guide?”
Pulling back a bit, Hadrion glanced at Ren, who shrugged.
“She’s my sister,” he said. “Ren, where did you find these two?”
“I’ll tell you later,” Ren said.
Catching Hadrion in a side hug, she rubbed his arm while he wrinkled his nose.
“For now, where’s Dury?” she said. “I’d like to finish this chore so I can return to something useful.”
Despite myself, I bristled while my tongue ran away with itself.
“You know… you didn’t have to bring us with you. Sure, I asked for this favor, but you could have easily said no.”
Freezing, Ren glared at me with her grip on Hadrion tightening, but he didn’t notice, glancing between us instead.
“I like you,” he soon said. “Not many people have the balls to talk to my sister, the great Terror of Da’kul, that way.”
While speaking the title, he’d wiggled his fingers, and dropping his hands, he grinned at me until Ren lightly smacked the back of his head. Then, he rubbed the injured spot with one eye closed.
“Where’s Dury, you ass?” she snapped.
“I could tell you,” Hadrion said, “or I could make you follow me to him. I choose option two.”
At his wide grin, Ren glowered.
“I hate you,” she said.
Clasping his hands together, Hadrion said, “Aw, I love you too, Ren.”
Turning on his heel, he started toward the cliff face… gate… or maybe doors?
He started for the village with a whistle, and growling, Ren strangled the air while following him.
Seemingly forgotten, I said, “Have I made an enormous mistake, Oswin?”
“I don’t know, sir,” Oswin said with a laugh in his voice. “Have you?”
Rolling my eyes, I hurried to catch up with the Audish natives.
Chapter 81: The Heart of the Resistance
Raimie
As soon as we'd stepped through the widened crevasse into Ren’s home, I stopped short.
A veritable city was spread before me. Not a village. A city. From what I could see of it, the place was cramped and not especially clean, but it was bustling with life.
In front of me, waddle-and-daub houses lined a narrow street, illuminated by lanterns hanging from poles, but this street wasn’t the only one we faced. Many others branched into the city as well.
The city itself occupied a wide bowl, and every visible street converged on the sparse fields of grain growing in its center. High above, a rock shelf extended from the valley’s other side, and a carefully crafted lattice was spread from the doors behind me to that shelf. Ivy grew along the lattice, enough of it to provide cover while also allowing sunlight through.
“Are you two coming or not?” Ren called.
Jumping, I nearly fell into Oswin before frowning at Ren. She’d stopped to give us a moment? Why?
She did seem pleased by our gawking. Maybe she’d wanted to watch the foreigners marvel at her home. Not that it was unworthy of said marvel.
As I trotted to her with Oswin on my heel, I couldn’t keep my head from swiveling, taking in the new sights with a sense of wonder. How had humans contrived to create this?
“Not what you expected, is it?”
Ren’s voice kept me from running into her, and this close to her, I swallowed hard, wondering why my mouth had gone dry.
“I… no. It isn’t,” I said. “It’s wonderful.”
Smirking, Ren said, “Oh, good. You can have a proper reaction, given the right stimulus.”
As heat flashed through me, I drew myself up, but Hadrion cut off any reply that I might have made.
“You coming, Ren?”
“Right behind you,” Ren practically sang.
Tossing her head, she ambled toward the street Hadrion was standing in, and grumbling under my breath, I stalked after her, ignoring the frown that Oswin had fixed on me.
As we moved through Tiro, I noted with surprise how busy the city was. Granted, I hadn’t visited many cities, just Sev and Daira, and my time in Ada’ir’s capital had been spent entirely in the castle. Even still, this one seemed to be in an uproar.
With purpose, people ran down the street, and as we approached the city’s center, blank-eyed families and individuals began filling its empty space. Bawling children clutched at their parents’ hands while soot-streaked adults muttered to no one, stared into space, or rocked in place.
Hell. What had happened here?
Slumped on herself, Ren asked, “My intel about Lindow’s Harvest was good, then?”
Biting his lip, Hadrion clutched his elbows.
“Yes,” he said.
Nodding, Ren said, “Is Ky back yet?”
Like a spring, Hadrion bounced back from the mournful expression he’d assumed to an air of mischief once more.
“Why?” he asked. “You worried about lover boy?”
Lover boy? Someone in this world had been brave enough to romance her?
Huffing, Ren said, “He’s not-! We’re not lovers. Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“Because you are,” Hadrion said. “You just don’t know it yet.”
Sticking out his tongue, he ducked Ren’s swipe at him.
“Kylorian’s a brother to me, the same as you,” she said. “I’ll never see him as more.”
“Whateeeever you say, big sis.”
Gritting her teeth, Ren growled, “Is. he. back. yet?”
Hadrion shrugged.
“I don’t think so? You know better than to worry about him, though,” Hadrion said. “This is Ky we’re talking about. He’s one with the impossible.”
“That’s true.”
So… she didn’t have a lover?
“How did your thing go?” Hadrion asked.
“Better than expected.”
Ren flicked her eyes over me and Oswin, and for some reason, this had my cheeks burning. Why the hell had I been speculating about her love life?
As the buildings around us switched from waddle-and-daub to stone, we skirted the fields at the city’s center before plunging beneath lanterns once more. Soon enough, the roar of conversations ahead distinguished itself from the city’s noise, and stopping, Hadrion swept a hand that way.
“What you seek, big sis,” he said.
Clicking her tongue, Ren said, “You couldn’t have just told me he was home?”
“No. Where would the fun have been in that?” Hadrion said. “Anyway, here’s where I leave you. Oswin. Raimie. If you have time once you’re done with Dury, you should find me. I’d love to chat.”
The teenager started back the way we’d come, but before he could escape, Ren landed a hand on his shoulder.
“Are you avoiding dad again?’ she asked.
“What do you think?” Hadrion snapped.
But then, he hugged himself.
“He’ll put me in charge of the refugees again, and I… I can’t. Their blank faces remind me of-”
With a gasp, he fell silent, and wincing, Ren patted his back.
“Then, maybe you should practice your sword forms more,” she said. “Dad will never send you out with Kylorian until you’ve mastered them.”
Hadrion sighed.
“Yeah, I know,” he said before brightening. “Thanks, sis!”
Spinning, he hugged Ren before taking off. Ren shook her head while watching him go, and summoning my courage, I cleared my throat.
“He’s your brother?” I asked. “How does that work with Rhy…?”
Unsure how to finish that, I wildly flailed, and Ren chuckled.
“He’s my adoptive brother, same as the Kylorian we mentioned,” she said, “and you’re about to meet the man who’s become my father.”
I waited until Ren was out of earshot before muttering the only response I could have given to that.
“Oh. Goodie. Just great.”
As Oswin snorted, I resigned myself to meeting the man who’d guided Ren into the woman she was.
We found him in a square, one that was packed full of people. Rather than push through them, Ren climbed on top of a merchant’s booth, offering me a hand once she was there. We surveyed the crowd, although it quickly became obvious which of these people was her father.
Standing on a building’s stoop, a kindly-looking man was addressing the crowd.
“-understand your discontent! We already have too little room to share and too little food to go around, and here comes another group of refugees, looking to take a chunk of both from us. Of course you want them gone!” he said. “But please. Remember your compassion, and have patience in this trying time.
“Each of you has been where the people from Lindow are now, running from a Harvest or the Birthing Grounds. Some of you found us after losing everything, and some were brought here, but all of you know what it’s like to need aid. You were lucky enough to receive it. Now, I hope you can give Lindow’s survivors that same kindness.
“As for the concerns you’ve raised, I assure you. I’m working toward a solution for our food problem, but it will take time before it comes to fruition. In the meantime, please. Once more open your doors to people who need it. Let’s refuse Teron and his ilk total victory in Lindow!”
As the crowd’s murmuring got louder, I glanced down at Oswin, wondering if he’d know the question I wanted to ask. They had a food problem. Could we help with that?
With his arms crossed, Oswin looked just as skeptical as the people in the square, but when he noticed me watching him, he shrugged.
‘Maybe,’ he mouthed. ‘Need more details.’
Yeah… that was what I’d thought. Still. I was glad to know that helping these people wasn’t off the table yet.
Patting at the air, the man on the stoop paused as his eyes caught on Ren. She flicked two fingers in a wave, which made him smile.
“You know how this works,” he shouted over the crowd’s grumbling. “Come to my home so Eliade and Hadrion can help you draw lots. If we do it quickly enough, we should have these people in homes before sunset. Spread the news, please! All of Tiro should join together for this.”
He stepped off of the stoop before another thought occurred to him.
“Oh! And town meeting in two days. We can more fully discuss the problem at that time.”
Then, he was pushing through the crowd, and Ren jumped to the ground, greeting him with her arms spread wide.
Before she could speak, he boomed, “Ren! You’re back! I was getting worried.”
As I hopped off of the merchant’s booth, he hugged Ren, squeezing far too tightly, and I lifted an eyebrow when she just laughed, patting his back.
“I was only gone for a day,” she said. “I’ve stalked Cerrin Forest alone for far longer than that before.”
“Maybe. Doesn’t make me worry any less.”
The stocky man released Ren, brushing her cheek, before turning on me and Oswin.
“Who are the bedraggled misfits that you’ve brought with you this time? I could swear I recognize one of them.”
As I opened my mouth to answer the question, Ren overrode me.
“Not people you should worry about. They’re here to discuss business with you.”
With his eyebrows raised, the stocky man said, “Something we’ll need privacy for?”
Ren nodded.
“I thought we could use Ky’s home, since he’s not here to protest it.”
“A good idea,” the stocky man said, snorting a laugh.
He ambled toward a smaller house while I struggled to contain my irritation. I knew this was Ren’s home, but that made her speaking for me no less annoying.
As I silently growled, amusement bubbled up from Nylion, and almost, this tipped me into petulance’s grip, but with a calming breath, I let it soothe me instead, entering the house when we reached it.
The building’s interior was surprisingly bare. Its only furniture was a chair and table combination on one side of its room and a pile of blankets on the other. A waist-high partition blocked one corner from sight, but besides that, everything lay out in the open.
“Every time I come here, I remember how badly Kylorian needs more furniture,” the stout man said. “He should at least have another chair. Where are his guests supposed to sit?”
Chuckling, Ren said, “When does he ever have those?”
She plopped into the chair while the stout man shook his head.
“I swear. That boy…” he breathed.
Then, he turned on me, and the concern he’d been showing disappeared beneath a mask of formality.
All right. It seemed I'd finally get the answers to the questions I'd come here to ask.
Chapter 82: Sudden Hostility
Raimie
“So?” Ren’s father said. “Who are you, and what do you want from me?”
I waited for a heartbeat before answering, certain that Ren would override me again, but when she didn’t, I smiled at the stranger.
“I’m Raimie, and my companion’s called Oswin,” I said. “My business is with Tiro’s leader. Is that you?”
Crossing his arms, the stout man said, “Leader’s such a strong word. I like to think of myself as Tiro’s father… or perhaps its guiding influence. You can call me Tanwadur.”
“A pleasure to meet you,” I said, dipping into a bow.
Relaxing, Tanwadur waved at me.
“No need for that, young one,” he said. “Just tell me why you’re here.”
Oh… shit. Gods damnit, why hadn’t I considered this conversation while on the way here? Instead, I’d stayed shocked by the revelation of Oswin as a spy, which had been a mistake.
How much could I reveal about myself or my purpose in this initial meeting with Tiro’s… guiding influence?
But Tanwadur was tapping a finger on his thigh. I’d have to start talking and hope that something wise came out of my mouth. For once.
“Primarily, I’m here to introduce myself. Considering who we both are, we’ll likely work together soon,” I said. “In addition, I hoped to learn how my people might help yours, but with that, I may have already found a way. You’re having trouble with food, yes? Since many of our supplies went down with our ship, I’m not sure how much my people can spare, but if we have anything extra, it’s yours, provided you want it.”
Beside me, Oswin tensed with his hands drifting to his weapons, and I wondered what had made him so nervous until Tanwadur spoke.
“Your ship?” he asked, having gone still.
Well. That had been a slip of the tongue. My mention of a boat had revealed that me and mine weren’t native to Auden, and given how rarely merchant vessels sailed here, it had also probably come off as something strange or potentially dangerous.
Still, I tried to play it off.
“Indeed. We were attacked… but you shouldn’t care about that,” I said. “Like I said, we have supplies to share, which you need.”
After a moment of staring, Tanwadur said, “The two of you aren’t from Auden.”
So, my diversion hadn’t worked. As if chagrined, I rubbed the back of my neck.
"Technically? No,” I said. “However, as far as I know, we’re all of Audish descent. Why does it matter? Do you care where a form of help might come from?”
Apparently, he did. Ren leaned forward to say something, perhaps trying to help, but Tanwadur lifted a finger toward her.
“You keep saying ‘we’ and ‘us’,” he said. “May I ask who these others are? I’d like to know what sort of people have landed on our shores.”
Sure… that was definitely the only reason he was asking.
Where was the harm in answering him, though?
“‘Us’ is my family and a bunch of crazy soldiers who followed us here,” I said.
Softly hissing, Oswin glanced away, which told me I’d made another mistake. What had it been?
Completely blank now, Tanwadur asked, “How many soldiers?”
I was much less comfortable with sharing this information, but since I’d already dug myself into this hole, I might as well dig deeper. I didn’t, however, know the specifics of what Tanwadur had requested, so I turned to the spy in our midst.
“Oswin?”
Stiffening, Oswin said, “Yes, sir?”
“Answer the man’s question,” I said. “I know you’ll have memorized those numbers.”
Oswin clicked his tongue, but he did as I’d asked.
“One hundred and thirty-two civilians and would-be soldiers joined us on the way,” he said through gritted teeth. “We also have five hundred and fifty-four Zrelnach, who if you didn’t know, are elite Esela fighters-”
“I’m familiar with the Zrelnach,” Tanwadur said. “We had them here before Doldimar wiped them out.”
Oswin paused, glancing at me. Apparently, that was news to him as well. Shaking himself, he continued.
“And then, there’s the rest of us: sailors, soldiers, and spies.”
Crossing his arms, Tanwadur grumbled, “How many?”
With a sigh, Oswin closed his eyes.
“Four thousand, five hundred and seventy-six.”
At that, my eyebrows soared into my hairline as high as Tanwadur’s had. Gods… so many people had come with me. What would I do when I eventually got them killed?
“Goodness, young one. You have a veritable army at your beck and call,” Tanwadur said. “Why is that?”
Frowning, I cocked my head at him. For a meeting between strangers, that question bordered on invasive. Given the caution that was welling from Nylion, I gathered it could be dangerous too, something that was only emphasized by the headshake that Ren gave me from behind her father’s back.
She was helping me? Why?
Unfortunately, I couldn’t avoid answering this question, and if that wasn’t bad enough, I’d always been horrible at lying. I’d have to choose my words carefully.
“Honestly, good sir, I don’t know why,” I said. “I suspect they’ve followed me because they believe I can accomplish an impossible goal. I don’t know if I can realize that dream, and yet—”
Here, I slid my gaze to Oswin.
“—I intend to try.”
With a slight smile, the spy inclined his head to me, which warmed my heart.
When I’d only known him for a couple of months. Why?
“What do these people want from you?” Tanwadur asked.
Tensing, I jerked my head toward him, wiping incredulity off my face. If that last question had bordered on invasive, this one landed squarely in that territory. I’d offered to help him, and he seemed intent on prying into my life.
Clicking his tongue, Oswin stepped between me and Tanwadur, facing me.
“Your Majesty, he knows. He’s been fishing for it throughout this conversation, enough to become insulting,” he said. “Take my advice, and give him what he wants so we can return to camp. He has no intention of treating with you.”
What was he doing?
I must have stared at him for too long because he stepped aside—
“Oswin, no!”
—before gesturing toward me.
“May I present His Majesty, King Raimie, finder of Shadowsteal, destined destroyer of Doldimar, and rightful claimant to the Audish throne.”
Blinking at the back of Oswin’s head, I fought to keep my suddenly scattered thoughts in order, helped in part by Nylion’s emanated calm. I’d put this issue off for so long—too long—and now, Oswin had shoved it to the forefront. He’d proclaimed me as ruler to the first leader we’d met in this land, and so now, I must answer a personal question.
Did I refute Oswin’s claim, or did I make it my own?
As my fingers curled into my palms, I wasn’t sure what I’d say. I only knew that I had to fill this silence. So, I hissed my decision into it.
“I am not a damn king.”
When Oswin glanced at me, he radiated such pity and regret that it made me flinch.
“You’re the only one who believes that anymore, sir,” he said.
Sucking in a breath, I let my mouth fall open, wanting to deny what he’d said, but before I could do that, two words cracked through the house’s interior.
“Get out.”
From his face to the bit of ankle peeking out from beneath his trousers’ legs, Tanwadur had turned stark red.
“I knew you looked familiar, too similar to him, and that means you need to GET OUT!” he shouted, taking a step forward. “Get out of this house, out of this square, out of this city!”
With Oswin having pushed between me and Tanwadur, I laid a hand on his shoulder, moving him aside. All the while, I prayed that I’d been wrong about how the Audish people would respond to who I was.
“I’ve upset you,” I said. “Please, we can’t be hostile toward one another. Tell me how to fix my mistake, and I’ll remedy it as best I can.”
“You can’t fix who you are!” Tanwadur shouted.
I’d been right. Gods damnit.
With fire building inside, both my own and one from Nylion, I took a deep breath, stopping it from raging through me.
“You blame me for the crimes of my long-dead ancestor. So be it. If it makes your life easier, continue to hate me,” I said, “but don’t let my identity stop you from accepting the help that my people can give-”
Shoving past Oswin, Tanwadur slammed a finger into my chest, and something strange started burgeoning from Nylion. What-?
“We don’t need your help, Raimie from the line of kings,” Tanwadur said, poking me again.
And this aggression let something unpleasant slip another step free.
“You and your cursed family should have withered to nothing on the other side of the sea!”
As Tanwadur jabbed his finger into my chest again, rocking me, something burst, and I started moving, but I was hardly paying attention to that. All of my focus went to Nylion and what he was projecting.
Nyl, what-?
Suddenly, Ren was in front of me, resting her hand on Tanwadur’s chest while keeping a firm hold on my wrist.
“Enough! You two need to calm down so Oswin and I aren’t left with cleaning up your corpses,” she hissed. “Dury! You should leave. Go help mom with the refugees.”
“No.”
Tanwadur brushed Ren’s hand off of him.
“I want this… boy out of Tiro.”
“And I’ll make sure that happens. Tomorrow morning,” Ren said. “Don’t say a word. I’m not done. He and his friend are not from here. If we make them return to camp through a forest crawling with Kiraak at night and alone, they will die. Without question. What do you think his army of five thousand will do if they learn that he died because we refused him refuge for one night? No. He will sleep here, and when I can, I’ll take him to his people in the morning.”
Hissing, Tanwadur closed his eyes.
“Fine,” he said, “but you’re in charge of finding them a place to stay.”
He stormed out of the house, and I let tension leak from me. This was, of course, when Ren shoved me, sending me stumbling away.
Immediately, I found Oswin, waving for him to lower his weapons, but I also cocked my head on seeing Dim, flickering out of existence beside him. Why had the splinter come to the physical plane now when they’d been so clearly avoiding me earlier?
“And you!” Ren snarled. “I bring you to my home in good faith, trusting you’ll behave yourself, and you nearly attack my father because he insulted you?”
I struggled to swallow inexplicable fear, fluttering at the back of my mouth.
“I don’t know what came over me,” I started.
“Then, maybe you should learn to control yourself!”
Wincing, I nodded. She was right. Even if Nylion had started a physical confrontation, I had to accept the blame for it. In many ways, he was me. What he did was also my responsibility.
“I’m sorry-”
“That’s not enough! Not for this mistake.”
With a frown, I said, “I’m confused. Why do you care so much about this, out of everything I’ve done to irritate you? I get that he’s your father, but… come on, Ren. I was offering him help, and in response, he practically spat in my face.”
Spinning away from me, Ren hugged herself, and while she thought, I caught Oswin’s eye, wondering if he knew what was running through this frustrating woman’s head. He just lifted a hand to hide his smile.
“He saved me,” Ren said. “After Rhy left me so many years ago, I thought I was dead. During a Harvest, Kiraak don’t bother to spare children. They do unspeakable things to them.
“So, imagine my surprise when the first Kiraak to find me died on someone else’s blade. Tanwadur’s resistance fighters had come to evacuate my hometown, but they’d arrived too late, for the village at least. They took me with them to this city.
“For weeks, I waited for my brother. He never found me, so Dury gave me the next best thing: a new family. I had parents again. I even had an older brother, a boy they’d adopted years before, to fill the hole that Rhylix had left behind.
“Dury saved me in every way. Forgive me if the fact that you almost attacked him angers me.”
Stalking to the door, Ren paused before opening it, finding Oswin.
“You should stay here,” she said. “I’ll return with food and blankets, but if I were you, I wouldn’t leave this house.”
She slammed the door behind her, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it, rubbing my chest. Why did it feel like I’d been punched there, so hard that it had bruised my heart?
“Well, that was interesting.”
Wandering to the abandoned chair, Oswin threw himself into it.
“Was that your first fight with a woman, sir?” he asked.
Dumbly, I nodded. Gods, why couldn’t I move?
Humming, Oswin said, “Makes sense, given how you were acting. In the future, you’ll learn to avoid those because they only end one way.”
With effort, I faced the spy.
“How’s that?” I asked.
“The woman wins, of course,” Oswin said with a smirk. “Now, are we doing as we were told, sir?”
“No, we’re not. Of course we’re not,” I mumbled.
I wasn’t sure what else we could do here, though. Considering Tanwadur was dead set on opposing us, we couldn’t ally with Tiro.
Could we?
“Why are you sitting there?” I said, keeping my lips flat. “You were part of a Hand, Oswin. You should know what I want.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Oswin said, “As much useful information as I can gather?”
When I nodded, he performed an exaggerated salute before climbing out of the chair.
“And you, sir?” he asked.
I thought back on everything that had happened since arriving in Tiro, wondering what, if anything, I could do to help.
With a slow smile spreading across my face, I said, “I’ll think of something, I’m sure.”
Chapter 83: Maintaining Potential Allies
Raimie
When I stepped out of Tanwadur’s study, I slumped before crossing the three steps needed to reach the other side of the hall. Once there, I thunked my forehead on the wall. After a busy night, I’d come here in a last-ditch effort to reason with that stubborn man, but of course, I’d left with nothing but frustration as a reward.
“You’ve still got a head, I see.”
Jumping, I spun to find the speaker. Hadrion grinned at me with a shoulder propped on the wall.
“You’re lucky,” he said. “Dury tends to bite them off when he’s in A Mood.”
For some reason, this made me chuckle, which I’d needed.
“Hello, Hadrion,” I said. “You weren’t waiting for me, were you?”
Rolling his eyes, Hadrion said, “No, I’m just standing in a hallway that I rarely visit by chance.”
Oo… had I made this member of Ren’s family angry too? That would be unfortunate. Even if I couldn’t associate with Tiro, that woman would be a part of my life for a while. How could it be otherwise, given that she was Rhylix’s sister? It was one reason I’d braved the angry bear of Tanwadur.
“I’m sorry. I should have found you earlier,” I said. “You said you wanted to speak with me, and I just ignored that.”
Wrinkling his nose, Hadrion said, “Why are you apologizing? I heard you were pretty busy last night, and I’ve been asleep since then. I’d have been pretty pissed if you woke me up to talk.”
Or my personal insecurities might be raising their head again.
“Nah. I just wanted to catch you before you left,” Hadrion continued. “Ren’s looking for you, and she seemed ready to get you out of here.”
With my face souring, I said, “Oh, goodie…”
Facing Ren when I’d had no sleep didn’t sound fun.
“She’s been mean to you, I’m guessing?” Hadrion asked with a smirk.
“You could say that.”
Crossing my arms, I started for an exit from the house. Better to be looking for Ren when she ran into me than to be ‘idle’. Once we rendezvoused, we could find Oswin together, if he didn’t find us first.
Keeping pace with me, Hadrion said, “That’s good! If she’s mean to you, it means she likes you.”
I drew away from Hadrion, throwing an incredulous glance at him.
“Really.”
With a nod, Hadrion said, “Yeah. It’s a defense mechanism, I think. She’s half-Eselan, you know, so the people she likes don’t usually accept her.”
As I drifted to a stop, I cocked my head. How the Esela were perceived here hadn’t even occurred to me, which had been silly considering a large portion of my own people were part of that race, but even if I had thought of it, I wouldn’t have connected the concern with Ren. When thinking of her and everything she was capable of, her heritage never crossed my mind.
Wait.
“Your sister likes me?” I squeaked.
The amusement that crawled onto Hadrion’s face rose from Nylion as well, which I found interesting. My other half couldn’t have picked up on a social nicety like that, considering how awkward and oblivious he’d always been about such things, but maybe his reaction was in response to how surprised I was, not what I was surprised about.
“I’d be shocked if she didn’t. You seem straightforward, not conniving at all, which is her type of people,” Hadrion said. “Why?”
“It’s nothing,” I said. “I was almost certain she hated me.”
Shaking myself, I dragged my feet through something similar to mud, wondering why Hadrion’s revelation had relieved me as much as it had. Maybe it was because with it, she wouldn’t become a source of conflict between Rhylix and I?
Yeah. That must be it.
As he followed me into the square outside, Hadrion kept quiet. Sunlight had started fighting through the ivy and lattice above the city, and looking over the bowl that contained it, I found myself biting my lip.
My people and I would find allies elsewhere. We had to, but still, I wished it wasn’t necessary. Something about Tiro’s citizens called to me.
Their ingenuity in the struggle to survive. Their refusal to give up. I admired these things, and they made me want to help these people. Badly.
“Raimie?” Hadrion said. “I heard something last night, a rumor about who you are and why you’re here. Do you know what I’m talking about?”
I nodded. How could I not know? While wandering around the city last night, I’d heard the same rumor, and although I wasn’t sure how the news of my identity had gotten out, seeing how Audish citizens had reacted to it had been enlightening, if not in a pleasant way.
“Is it true?” Hadrion asked. “You’re not from Auden, and you… found Shadowsteal?”
Sighing, I hung my head.
“Yes, it’s true,” I said. “Unfortunately.”
Now, the teenager would spit at my feet and walk away. It had happened often enough last night.
When Hadrion rested his hand on my shoulder, I glanced up at him, furrowing my brow when I saw sympathy blazing from him.
“I’ll help how I can,” he said. “Most people won’t be happy you’re here, but give them time. With that and me doing what I can for you, they’ll come around.”
That was the opposite of what I’d expected, and it made my voice thick as I said.
“Thank you.”
“Sure!” Hadrion chirped. “Now, I believe that’s Ren, arguing with your friend on the other side of the square.”
When I looked where he was pointing, I winced.
“It is,” I said. “I should break them up before they get into a fight but first…”
I clapped the teenager’s arm, squeezing it.
“Seriously, Hadrion. Thank you,” I said. “I thought I’d never find a friendly face here.”
Grinning, Hadrion said, “Well, we exist! I promise. We’re just rare.”
He brushed my hand off of him.
“Would you go calm my sister down? She looks like she’s about to murder someone.”
Laughing, I hurried to do as the kid had asked, waving goodbye over my shoulder.
I hoped I’d get to see him again. He was a ray of sunshine in this otherwise dark place.
The trip back to camp took much less time than last night’s journey. Sure, I was having this feeling because I was familiar with the terrain now, but even still, I wondered if on our first foray, Ren had taken the long way out of spite.
Whether she had or not didn’t stop me from bowing to her when tents, the sea, and several ships come into view.
“Thank you for providing us with safe passage,” I said. “You didn’t have to go out of your way like that, but I’m grateful that you did it anyway.”
“It wasn’t as much trouble as you might think,” Ren said. “I need to finish the scouting run that you and Rhy interrupted yesterday, and this beach is in my assigned territory so…”
She shrugged, and as I straightened from my bow, I considered what I should say next. It would have to be short and sweet. I should report what I’d learned to Marcuset and Gistrick, so I didn’t have time for anything more, but with such constraints, how could I alleviate the tension between me and Ren?
“Listen,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck, “about what happened with your father-”
Ren shot a hand up, shaking her head.
“Let’s not go there. In fact, we should pretend it never happened,” she said. “Everyone’s tempers were raised, so we all did and said unwise things, including me. So…”
Turning her head aside, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“You’re Rhy’s friend, and even when we were kids, my brother was a good judge of character. I should trust him when he says you’re a good man, especially after hearing that you went out of your way to ask my people how you could help last night,” she said. “I know I can be a little abrasive at times but…”
She kicked at the dirt before meeting my eyes.
“Can we put yesterday behind us? I’d like to start fresh. Try to get along, at least.”
My chest felt so warm and fuzzy that I had to smile, even as I wondered if the sensation was coming from me or Nylion.
“I’d like that,” I said before pressing a hand over my heart. “I’m Raimie, just a simple boy who once had a simple life, and now, I’m supremely lost in a complicated land.”
With a beaming smile, Ren said, “Well, I’m Ren, and I call this ‘complicated land’ home. Maybe I can help you adjust to it.”
“That would be nice.”
I glanced toward the beach before smirking at Ren.
“I’d invite you into camp again, but I don’t think you’d want to come.”
Snorting, Ren covered her mouth, although her eyes twinkled above her hand.
“No, I have things to do, and once I’m done with them, I should go home,” she said. “Someone has to talk Dury into working with your people, after all.”
“Ha! Good luck with that,” I said. “I understand how impossible that might be after apologizing to him this morning.”
Ren went still, even as she lowered her hand.
“You apologized to him?!” she said.
With a nervous laugh, I shrugged one shoulder.
“Sure. It seemed the right thing to do, and I thought it might make things easier between us,” I said. “Should I not have?”
“No! That was… good. Yeah. Good,” Ren stammered with her face turning pink. “You didn’t have to-”
Coughing, she pounded on her chest for a moment before jerking a thumb over her shoulder.
“I’m leaving now,” she said. “When I can over the next few days, I’ll return with updates.”
“Sounds good,” I said. “Good luck today, Ren.”
With a look of supreme confusion, Ren said, “Thank… you?”
Then, she ran into the forest, and cocking my head, I stared at where she’d disappeared.
What was that about? I asked. I’ve never had someone go so quickly from hostile to flustered around me before.
I couldn’t fully comprehend what Nylion sent back to me. The best I could do was translate it as a shrug, although that didn’t seem exactly right.
“From how horrible that woman was treating you last night, you forgave her quite easily,” Oswin said. “Can I ask why?”
That was a good question, one I wasn’t sure how to answer. This morning, Hadrion had primed me for easy forgiveness by revealing the reason behind his sister’s antagonistic behavior, but there had to be something more to it as well.
“She’s Rhy’s sister and the daughter of an important town’s leader,” I said. “Keeping our relationship amicable seemed like a good idea, even if I’ll never get anywhere with Tanwadur.”
That was a reasonable explanation, right?
“Makes sense,” Oswin said. “And there’s nothing else?”
Clicking my tongue, I broke off from staring at the forest, glaring at him instead.
“There’s nothing else,” I said. “You planning on telling me what you learned last night?”
I might have caught a flash of worry on the spy’s face before his expression returned to neutral, but if I had, it had been such a short glimpse that I immediately doubted what I’d seen.
“Certainly, sir,” Oswin said. “Would you prefer an oral report, or may I have time to compose a written one?”
If allowed to read the report, I could add it to my mental index, whereas something spoken would only stick with me for a few hours so…
“Write it up for me, please,” I said. “If it’s not too much trouble.”
Giving me an odd look, Oswin said, “It’s no trouble at all, sir. I’ll bring it to you later. I’m assuming that you mean to find your family now. Let them know you’re safe?”
Right… I should probably do that.
“First, I have to speak with the people in charge of those soldiers,” I said, waving toward camp, “but yes, that’ll be next. Why do you ask?”
Smirking, Oswin said, “I can’t watch your back if I don’t know where you are, can I?”
As he ambled toward camp, I frowned after him. Why would he think I needed an extra set of eyes when among my allies?
Did that really matter, though?
I hurried after the spy, soon entering camp.
Chapter 84: Reporting In
Raimie
It took me longer than I’d like—my body was loudly crying for sleep and any delay in getting it couldn’t be healthy for me—but I eventually found Marcuset and Eledis on the beach.
The two were sparring with practice swords. I wasn’t sure why they’d chosen to fight here, where the footing would be loose and treacherous, but it was an impressive display.
With sand flying as high as their hips, they were showing an impressive mastery of the blade, which somehow didn’t surprise me. I’d expect it from the commander, of course, but for my grandfather, if I’d learned anything in the last few months, it was that my family was never what it seemed.
Watching the two, I stripped off my armor, leaving me in a loose tunic and pair of trousers, before piling it, Silverblade, and my pistol at the feet of a nearby audience member.
“Watch that for me, would you?” I said.
I waited to get a nod before trudging through the sand toward the older men.
Marcuset caught sight of me first. Hesitating with a block, he got jabbed as a reward, and I winced.
I probably should have announced myself earlier. Oh, well.
“Commander. Eledis,” I said, nodding to each as I stopped. “May I join you?”
I planted my staff in the sand with a smile. Sure, I was tired. Sure, I should tell these two what had happened last night before finding a bedroll, but how could I pass up the opportunity to test myself against the commander of Ada’ir’s armed forces?
Or former commander, I supposed.
“Your Majesty! You’re back,” Marcuset said. “How did your visit with the locals go?”
Making a face, I said, “I had mixed results. Can we discuss them in a minute? I’d like to work off some frustration.”
Lifting the staff, I got in a ready stance, but neither of the older men moved.
“You want to fight us?” Eledis said.
Although the way he’d put that made it seem more like a statement than a question.
“Yes. Is that a problem?” I asked.
After a moment of consideration, Eledis shrugged.
“Not for me,” he said. “Marcuset?”
As always, a hint of sarcasm had infected his voice when he’d spoken the commander’s name, but instead of ignoring it like he typically did, Marcuset winced this time.
“If it’s what you truly want, I won’t protest, Your Majesty,” he said.
“It is.”
Shaking his head, Marcuset raised his practice sword, followed by Eledis, and after a breathless pause, the other two blurred. Even having raised my staff to block, something walloped into my chest, and stumbling away from it, I tripped, scrambling backward until a shadow fell over me. Blinking to keep sand out of my eyes, I huffed when I saw that Marcuset had stopped Eledis from bringing his sword down on my head.
With a cocky grin, my grandfather said, “I think you might need a new weapons tutor. Taking you down was far too easy.”
Marcuset pushed him back while I got to my feet, brushing myself off.
“Not at all. Rhy’s doing very well, thanks,” I said, “but he can’t teach me in the same way that practical experience can, which is why I asked to join you. I’ve fought with two people at once, back when Dath was training with me, but I’ve never defended myself on such loose footing before. So, let’s go again. Get me the experience I might need to avoid death in a true fight.”
Drawing even with Marcuset, I lightly tapped the back of his head with my staff.
“And stop shielding me. I don’t need it.”
Scowling at me, Marcuset nodded while rubbing his head.
“All right, then,” Eledis said, lifting his sword. “Once more.”
I did better this time, but that wasn’t saying much, considering I’d near instantly landed on my back during the first clash. Still, while I took a few blows on my knuckles and arms, I managed to land some too.
For some reason, this frustrated Eledis, as evidenced by his eagerness to take advantage of any openings he saw. After Marcuset and I got a series of strikes through his defenses, he retreated for a moment, watching me attack my once ally, before leaping back in.
“What happened with the Audish natives?” he grunted. “You said you had mixed results?”
He wanted to get into that, did he? Was it meant as a distraction, something upsetting enough for me to make a mistake?
“I did. Some among them seemed neutral toward us, but others, most notably this group’s leader…”
Catching the cross guard of Marcuset’s sword on my staff, I grabbed his wrist before twirling my weapon, and the commander’s blade went flying. Disarmed.
As he backed off with his hands raised, quickly retreating to the line of people watching the fight, I snapped my eyes to slits. That had been far too easy.
A glancing swipe at my thigh drew me back to the fight and my grandfather’s question.
“They hate us here, Eledis,” I said.
With his face twisting, my grandfather jabbed at my face, a blow I barely avoided, and I couldn’t argue with Nylion when he sent anger surging through us. When sparring, one didn’t go for such a debilitating hit unless one knew their opponent well. What the hell, Eledis?
Backing off, my grandfather said, “Are you sure it wasn’t you they disliked? You can be off-putting at times.”
This, coming so soon after what he’d done, froze me solid, and with a fierce smile, Eledis lunged for me.
As he came at me in slow motion, I wasn’t sure what fell over me. Maybe Nylion took over. I could see that being the case, considering how often he’d done it in similar circumstances, but it didn’t feel like I’d handed him the reins. No, this felt more like a hand… or maybe instinct had moved me.
Much faster than I should have been able to, I swayed sideways, letting Eledis’ blade pass a breath from my arm, before slapping a hand to his chest. The barest puff of light aided me in shoving him backward, and as he stumbled away, I swept my staff behind his knees, pulling it free when he fell. I used it to hop over him before driving it toward his neck. It stopped a hairsbreadth from his skin.
Panting, I blinked at my grandfather’s popped-wide eyes for a moment, working through what had happened.
White light. Had I accessed Ele? But Bright-
Clearing his throat, Eledis lifted his hands above his head, and I jumped, removing my weapon from him before offering him a hand. Once he was on his feet, though, I maintained my hold.
“It wasn’t my fault,” I said before letting go.
Rotating in a circle, I looked for Marcuset, wondering where he’d gone. Everything I’d told Eledis? He needed to know it too, and I didn’t trust my grandfather to share what I’d said without skewing it.
“Where did you learn that move? It was impressive!” Eledis said. “When I’ve had time, I’ve been watching Rhylix’s lessons, and he hasn’t taught you anything like that yet.”
Was he trying to make up for the shit he’d just pulled? Gods. He should know that sort of thing didn’t bother me anymore, not from him at least.
“I must have picked it up from a book at some point,” I said.
Facing camp, I noted a flurry of movement not far into the tents, and when it resolved into Oswin, sprinting free of them, I raised an eyebrow. What had him in such a panic?
“Mastering a skill takes more than reading about it,” Eledis said.
Clicking my tongue, I said, “What can I say? Maybe Nyl practiced it in our mind after I saw it in a book. He doesn’t have anything better to do right now.”
Stopping at the edge of the crowd, Oswin furiously waved at me, and I frowned. What-?
“…Nyl?” Eledis asked.
Panic jolted through me from my other half, and on reviewing what I’d said, I slammed my eyes closed, fighting to keep my breathing even.
With carefully feigned cheer, I said, “Mmhmm! You know, nil as in nothing? There’s nothing in my brain?”
I’m so sorry, Nyl.
“I… see,” Eledis said.
Why did he sound troubled? He didn’t know about Nylion…
Did he? Gods. What if he’d torn me and my other half apart?
Making a face, I shook my head. My relationship with my grandfather might be antagonistic at times, but he’d never hurt me like that.
I could feel him working up to ask another question, but not only did I not want to hear it, but Oswin’s frantic antics on the crowd’s edge had become troublesome.
“Excuse me, Eledis,” I said, “but I should see what has the spy in our midst so agitated.”
Chapter 85: Fixing What's Broken
Raimie
I didn’t head toward Oswin after trudging free of the sand. Instead, I retrieved my things, donning my armor while waiting for him to approach, and once he had, I turned my most mischievous smirk on him, one that wavered when I saw how tight his face was.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You should come with me,” he said. “Something requires your special brand of crazy to fix it.”
At that, my eyebrows shot for the sky. It had been significantly less formal than he typically was with me, almost sounding like something a friend would say.
“What exactly is this ‘something’?” I asked.
Shaking his head, Oswin said, “Not here. Please. Just trust me.”
As I chewed my lip, I glanced over the spy, but a question of trust wasn’t what prompted this. Surprisingly, I had no question when it came to that. I was more concerned with whether I could handle something that had rattled a former spy of a Hand.
“All right,” I said. “Lead on.”
With a sharp nod, Oswin started running, moving so fast that I had trouble keeping up. At least while maintaining this pace, I only caught brief glances of people when they bowed to me. At some point, I should address their deference, let it be known that I wouldn’t take the throne if we overthrew Doldimar, but that was a problem for later.
When people started diminishing in number, Oswin slowed down, which let me rattle off a question.
“Will you tell me where we’re headed?”
“Where you’ll be sleeping while here. Some of the soldiers took it upon themselves to prepare a place for you.”
When I clicked my tongue, Oswin smiled, a small one that seemed mostly directed at himself.
“Don’t worry. It isn’t fancy. After the journey here, everyone knows you don’t like preferential treatment,” he said. “When we went our separate ways, I headed there, meaning to check it before writing my report, but something happened while I was doing that. I had a different surprise in mind for you today, but this problem needs you to diffuse it.”
Hell, I had so many questions. What surprise had Oswin had in mind? Why had he felt the need to check my sleeping place for safety?
Those weren’t important right now, though.
Oswin glanced my way before fixing his eyes in front of him.
“It’ll be better if you see it for yourself,” he said.
Well, that was just great.
Ahead of us, the line of tents on either side bent until our passageway curved out of view, and in front of this turn, a red-haired woman and a very small man… or maybe teenager were playing keep-away, dissuading soldiers from advancing past the point they were guarding. Conversely, neither of them looked at me or Oswin when we strode past them. Obviously, they knew the spy, but before I could ask him about it, we turned the corner, and with my heart leaping in my chest, I faltered in my step, forcing him to steady me.
We’d stopped in a cleared space, one formed by a circle of tents. The campsite wasn’t finished. Its fire pit was still in the midst of construction, and several weapons had been left lying in the grass, but even still, I loved it. It felt homier than the rigid discipline found elsewhere.
One problem with it, though.
Misty, white light was billowing over the ground, partially concealing the grass. Rising to mid-shin, it roiled like angry thunderclouds, and tendrils of it quested through openings in the circle, seeking escape.
In the middle of this, Bright was pacing back and forth with their hands in their hair and a chant on their lips.
“WhatamIWhatamIWhatamI?”
Oh, my heart hurt to see this. They were in such distress, and no matter how exuberant I was to see them—I’d been starting to doubt their earlier appearance—I had to fix them.
Forget Oswin, watching me with his arms crossed, and what him bringing me here must mean. Forget what might soon happen if he hadn’t secured this scene quickly enough.
A being I cared for was in pain. Until I did what I could for them, everything else could go straight to the void.
Taking a step into the mist, I said, Dim, I know you’re avoiding me, and yes, they’re your enemy, but…
“I’m already here, ya idiot.”
So, they were. I didn’t know when they’d appeared at my side, but they were tracking Bright with singular fascination, even if their nose was also wrinkled.
“How is Order…?” they said. “How?”
I don’t know, but if you have any suggestions for how to proceed, I’ll take them now, I said.
“Suggestions? Really?” Dim said. “Raimie, Bright shouldn’t exist. I’ve never seen one of us come back after one of those swords has destroyed us, and I’ve been around for-fucking-ever.”
Greeeeeaaaaat…
When I reached Bright, they didn’t acknowledge me, just continued to pace. Unlike with me, their passage through the mist sent it flurrying behind them, and if that hadn’t been enough, every time they tugged on their hair, more white light spurted from them.
Hell… my poor heart…
How in the void did I fix this? I didn’t fully understand my splinters in the first place, and now, I had to tackle something about them that had never happened before. It was overwhelming, and I was halfway tempted to abandon this endeavor but Bright…
Fuck it. I had to start somewhere.
Bright, I said, can you hear me, buddy?
For a breath, the Ele splinter faltered before picking up their pace and volume.
“WhatamIWhatamIWhatamI?”
“You think talking to them will change something?” Dim asked, warily eyeing me.
Shooting a glare at them, I said, “How about this? Any better?”
Mid-step, Bright stopped before shooting toward me. They seized my arms, a hold I could actually feel, and I’d have marveled more at this if the fight against madness in their eyes hadn’t stolen my breath.
“I need you to tell me what I am!” they shrieked.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
No! I couldn’t indulge in panic or fear, even if that was what Nylion was shouting at me right now. It wasn’t what Bright needed.
Hovering my hand over their shoulder, I said, “You’re Bright, a splinter of Ele, although you’d probably snap at me for calling you that. You give me access to your whole, and on more than one occasion, you’ve saved my life. You’re a regular pain in the ass sometimes, but I need that. We need that.”
With their brow furrowing, Bright mouthed the word ‘we’, and I motioned Dim forward.
“This is Dim, a splinter of Daevetch,” I said. “I don’t know why yet, but you two have set aside your differences. Considering how they’ve been acting since you left us, I’d say that you might even be friends now-”
“Yeah… no,” Dim said. “Friends is a strong word for what’s between us…”
They trailed off at the look on my face.
Please, Dim. I know you want them back too, and they’ll need the truth for that.
Slumping, Dim rubbed their eyes.
“By me, I won’t be me by the time this is over,” they said to themselves before pushing me aside.
Not that I minded. While they rested their hands on their hips, meeting Bright’s placid gaze, I rubbed my chest. Not only had the pain in my heart spread, but it had become physical in nature, an ache that my fingers couldn’t relieve.
With an exasperated sigh, Dim threw their head back.
“Our human’s right. I need you back, weakling,” they said. “We had a plan, remember? Something our wholes don’t agree with-”
“Raimie in the balance point,” Bright blurted.
As they started murmuring to themselves again, repeating the conversation from the beginning, Dim shot a sidelong glance at me, but I just stared back, digging into my skin. If I was supposed to catch a hidden meaning from that, it had gotten lost in the vice tightening around my chest.
“That’s right,” Dim said with a frown forming. “I can’t do this alone. Our human pulled you back from whatever happens to us when we’re destroyed. Don’t ask me how. Over our time together, I’ve stopped trying to figure him out, but you need to take the final step in fixing yourself, and… and you should do it fast.”
Why did they look so concerned?
I quickly gave up on answering that. This pain, threatening to buckle my knees? It was coming from Bright, had to be with how much worse it had gotten while standing in their presence. They were defying nature’s laws, a dissonance marring the world’s music. Something that a simple key change would fix.
With their face scrunched, Bright cocked their head.
“I… am Bright,” they said. “I exist to help Raimie, fixing the imbalance in the Eternal War. I am Bright.”
With a decisive nod, they stepped back, there to wait.
“Now what?” I wheezed.
“Hell if I know,” Dim said, still watching me with concern. “I was taking a wild guess when I told them they should accept their existence. It’s your turn to contribute. Raimie, are you…?”
Holding up a finger, I scanned my surroundings. Besides Bright, the only thing out of place here was the white light—so like Ele—all around us. Visible to even a norm like Oswin, that primal energy must have penetrated the barrier between it and the physical plane.
Maybe that could explain why Bright was looking at me so expectantly.
Closing one eye, I reached for my Ele source, half-expecting that it wouldn’t exist, and instead, I found it all around me, not in Bright. No wonder my heart was hurting so badly. My access to Ele’s well, what I’d come to associate with wellbeing, had shattered into pieces around the campsite.
“I don’t know how this is possible since it’s supposed to be them,” I said, pointing at Bright, “but my Ele source is broken.”
With their eyes popping, Dim recoiled.
“Into pieces? I wonder how that happened,” they said before glancing around. “Has it moved?”
Oo… this might end poorly.
“Um… no,” I said. “You’re standing in it, actually.”
Sucking in a gasp, Dim became a statue before zipping out of the mist. They fell to their hands and knees with wretched coughs filling the air, and with each heave of their stomach, their form shivered, letting slivers of black peek through it.
Yup. Bad. I’d have more sympathy for Dim if I hadn’t felt like I was dying myself.
Fortunately, the splinter quickly got to their feet, wiping their mouth.
“Can you put them back together?” they said.
Doubtful. I was having a hard enough time with simply thinking right now but even still…
“I’ll try,” I said.
Reaching for the shards around me, I drew them close, releasing a relieved wheeze when the touch of them eased the pressure on my chest, and once I held a few, I embedded them into position within Bright.
For close to an hour, this continued. I cobbled the pieces together as best I could, but some refused to fit. These, I had to mold into shape, which wasn’t pleasant to do.
Eventually, though, the last of the shards passed through my hands, returning the campsite to a scene of normalcy, and I stumbled. Nothing was crushing my chest anymore, but I was exhausted, trembling at the effort to stay on my feet.
Meeting Dim’s eyes, I took a deep breath, reaching for my newly reconstructed source. Would it work? Considering it was of human make, I was half-convinced it would shatter when I pulled Ele to me, but the energy came as called, and nothing in my source so much as shifted.
Biting my lip, I fought to keep from crying as I released the Ele coating my hands.
Had that-? Was Bright-?
Gods, please say they were ok.
“What… happened? Where-?”
With a cough, Bright started violently shivering, hugging themselves. Meanwhile, Dim edged toward them.
“Raimie resonated with the wholes, which was unexpected. So few humans can do that,” the Ele splinter said to themselves. “I was distracted. Teron got behind me. Lighteater…”
Moaning, they clenched their eyes for a breath before opening them again, searching for something. Skipping over me, Bright focused on Dim, and I was worried that in their disorientation, they might start a fight, but stumbling forward, they fell into the enemy splinter, taking fistfuls of their clothes.
“Chaos! Oh, my old foe,” they gasped into Dim’s chest. “I don’t know what to- fuck! It was awful…”
They lifted their head with tears in their eyes.
“You have to help me!”
I’d never seen a person so clenched tight before. Dim found me over Bright’s head with such panic written on them, and I crossed my arms.
Help them, I said. Unless you want them to stay this wrecked, probably for longer than we can afford?
“Damnit,” Dim murmured.
Grimacing, they lifted their arms, wrapping them around Bright with the most potent expression of repulsion on their face.
Patting the Ele splinter’s back, they said, “There, there, you useless brat. Can’t believe you’re making me do this.”
For some reason, this made Bright laugh before they buried their face in Dim’s chest once more.
“Make yourself useful, Raimie,” Dim growled. “You can’t have missed that several norms are staring at you. After we went to all this trouble, I’d prefer it if you didn’t get strung up today. I know you’re ecstatic to have the milksop back, but…”
They had no idea. I hadn’t felt this light in ages. Bright would need time to recover, but they were ok.
I’d done it! I’d dragged someone precious to me back from the brink.
Somehow. At some point, I’d have to ponder how I’d managed the impossible, but for now, I let myself watch my reunited splinters for a breath before spinning toward the norms at my back.
Chapter 86: More Spies
Raimie
Dim had been right to direct my attention away from Bright. The people at my back must know that I was a primeancer by now, and I was afraid that I’d have to soon run into the dangerous unknowns of Auden because of that.
When he’d retrieved me earlier, Oswin might not have seemed hostile, but with the crisis over, that neutrality might disappear. If that weren’t enough, several other soldiers had joined the spy while I’d been working.
Two of them, I recognized: the red-head and the small man or teenager from before, but the other two were strangers. One of them was the definition of plain, although he was taller than the others, and the second was more thickset. Despite the glow emanating from Nylion at the sight of him, he was also the one I was most worried about, given how much his throat was working.
“You’re… you’re…” he said.
How should I play this? I couldn’t be too cocky, or it might push them into summoning a mob, but maybe with some projected confidence, I could calm them down, enough so they’d listen to reason.
“I’m what?” I asked. “Average looking? A competent fighter? A fast learner?”
When the stocky man started shaking his head, the tall one rubbed his back, although he quickly removed his touch.
Clearing his throat, Oswin said, “Forgive us, sir. We’ve had our suspicions for quite some time, but seeing them confirmed… it gives us hope.”
Wait, what?
“Hope?” I asked.
That wasn’t usually a word associated with what I was.
Elbowing Oswin, the small man said, “Sure! You’re a primeancer, right? When it comes to the war effort, that’ll be a huge advantage.”
“…War …effort?” I squeaked.
What the hell was happening here?
With a frown, the small man turned to Oswin, who was still rubbing his side.
“Is he ok?” he said. “He sounds like a parrot.”
Rolling his eyes, Oswin said, “Little, that’s no way to talk about your king.”
When the small man huffed, crossing his arms, the red-head smacked him upside the head.
“Listen to him, ya brat,” she said.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I started rubbing my temples.
“Would someone please explain who you are and why you aren’t trying to murder me?” I said.
When someone snorted a laugh, I cracked an eye open to find a range of amused expressions facing me.
“Why would we kill you?” the small man asked. “You’re an… Ele primeancer, right? At least, the stuff you were playing with looked like Ele.”
Oh… this was too much. My poor head… Gods, why couldn’t I just go to sleep like my body was begging me to do?
“I primarily use Ele, yes,” I said, dragging the words out of my mouth, “but at times, Daevetch comes in handy too.”
“Are you kidding me?” the small man said. “You mean these four were telling the truth about-?”
He cut off as Oswin returned his earlier elbow ribbing, but soon enough, he continued.
“That’s impossible, though. Primeancers belong to one side or the other, never both.”
He was right. I’d never considered it more deeply than surface level, but the old primeancer legends had never talked about someone wielding both energies.
With my head cocked, I reached for my sources, pulling Ele to one hand and Daevetch to the other. As always when using both, a miniature war threatened to rip me in half, but I ignored it to stare at what I was holding.
Why could I do this? Was I really so different?
When one of the strangers coughed, I winced, casting both energies aside. That had been stupid… or maybe not. This group did know what I was, at least in part.
I should clear that up.
“So far as I’m aware, I’m the first of my kind,” I said. “A dual primeancer.”
And here was where the lot of them ran, screaming, from me.
Shifting in place, the tall man rasped, “You were right, Middle. Alouin help Doldimar. We have a secret weapon again.”
Again?
“You know how I said I’d never swear vows, spymaster?” the small man said. “Yeah, you can forget that. I’ll swear whatever I must if I get to work for him.”
As the others nodded agreement, I took a step back, fighting to ignore my pounding head.
“Hang on a minute. Why haven’t you ‘ended the threat’?” I said. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you haven’t, but isn’t that what usually happens to primeancers?”
With a grim smile, Oswin said, “Oh, it is.”
“But we don’t care what you are or what power you might have,” the stocky one added. “What matters is who you are.”
“And you seem like a decent enough kid,” the red-head said before smirking. “Definitely not the ‘end the world’ type.”
“And if you do ever trend that way, we’re more than capable of ending the threat you’d become,” the tall man rasped.
With a cheeky grin, the small man said, “I just think primeancers are cool.”
I glanced between these strangers, opening and closing my mouth a few times before I could push free of shock.
“Ok. Who are you people?”
“Who they are doesn’t matter right now. When you’re established in Auden, I’ll introduce them more fully,” Oswin said. “For now, suffice it to say that they’re my subordinates, no matter how much they might like to forget that fact.”
He scowled at the others while details clicked into place.
“So, they’re spies too?” I said, sweeping a finger over the unknowns.
“Ha! You could say that,” the red-head said.
With a pointed glare at her, Oswin said, “As I mentioned, what they are doesn’t matter. What does is that if they do their job, you’ll never see them.”
So… spies. Hmm. Where had Oswin found these people?
“All right. Good to know,” I said. “What now?”
Could I trust these people to keep their mouths shut about my magic? Too many among the soldiers had learned about it. If we weren’t careful, knowledge of it would spread among the rest, and I knew what would happen after that. I wasn’t sure how to date, I’d been so lucky with who’d uncovered my secret, but that good fortune couldn’t last forever.
“Now comes something that should have happened a while ago,” Oswin said.
He drew his sword, getting down on one knee, and I internally groaned while Nylion sent a spike of queasy dislike from the depths.
“I, Oswin, humble spy of the King’s Hand, do swear fealty and unwavering support to Raimie, the rightful claimant of the Audish throne,” he said. “Ever will I be your knife in the dark, ever to safeguard you and keep blood off of your hands. May my heart and mind always belong to you.”
Looking down on this man, I wasn’t sure why I wanted to rage against what he was offering, leaving my fingers twitching, but I did know that I couldn’t accept this gift.
“I don’t want this,” I said. “I’m not a king, Oswin.”
He said nothing, and I knew he wouldn’t move until this exchange was completed. Sighing, I nicked my thumb on his blade instead of drawing my own before pressing it into his forehead.
Struggling to speak each word with gravity instead of rattling them off, I said, “I, Raimie, last in the line of Audish kings, do accept Oswin as my faithful servant. I swear to honor and protect you as best I’m able to. Ever will I work toward your benefit, ever to provide opportunity for you. May I always serve you as a leader should.”
Pausing, I nearly removed my touch, but Nylion—as well as something unknown inside—had me pushing my thumb into Oswin’s skin, hard enough that he had to look up at me.
“I also swear to be your friend, no matter how much of a snarky, stubborn jackass you can be.”
Maybe Oswin gasped. I wouldn’t know, too busy jabbing my finger at the others.
“Don’t. you. even. think. about getting down on one knee right now,” I said. “You want to swear fealty? You can do it after you’ve properly introduced yourselves.”
Grinning, the stocky man said, “You present an interesting pattern, young one. Should be fun to follow.”
He and the other three bowed before scurrying off, all while Oswin got to his feet.
With his hand to his forehead, he mumbled, “My friend?”
I didn’t bother replying, checking on my splinters. They too had vanished, removing the last trace of abnormality from the campsite, but I didn’t try calling them back to the physical plane. I could do that after I got some much-needed rest, time that would let Bright heal too.
“So. Which of these is mine?” I asked.
I’d rather not dwell on what had just happened or the fact that I had another subject. I wanted to collapse onto a bedroll and lose myself to a dream state. Maybe I could talk with Nylion while I was there.
“Forgive me, sir, but your father would probably appreciate an update from you,” Oswin said. “Don’t you agree?”
Or that could wait for another hour or two.
“You’re right. Of course you’re right,” I groaned. “I don’t suppose you know where he is, do you?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I caught Oswin sweeping a hand back the way we’d come before.
“Right this way, sir,” he said.
Chapter 87: Accept Your Role, Stubborn One
Raimie
We found my father in front of a tent, one that was slightly larger than the common soldier’s. He was lying in the grass with sunshine blazing down on him, a stack of papers held in front of his nose, and his tunic off. At the sight of the metal dots and wires climbing over the outline of his spine, I winced, and perhaps that alerted him to our presences because he lowered his papers before scrambling to his feet.
“Raimie! When did you get back?” he asked, reaching for his tunic.
“Not long ago. Oswin mentioned that I should check on you before getting some sleep,” I said. “What were you doing?”
“Reviewing Auden’s history,” my father said while pulling on his clothes. “Oh and catching some sun. Nothing interesting.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. Bullshit. Since when had he enjoyed lying out in the sun?
“You mentioned needing sleep,” he continued. “Is that urgent, or can I borrow you for a moment first?”
Must I attend to him? Really? Any second now, I’d collapse, having lost consciousness. I was a little concerned about whether I could get to my own bedroll before that happened, but sure, I could indulge my father.
When I nodded, he ducked into his tent, sitting on its cot, and gestured for me to join him. A stack of clothes covered the cot’s end, and while I pulled that into my lap, I hummed, watching Oswin make himself comfortable nearby.
“Hey, you don’t have to stick around,” I said. “Thanks for helping me find my father and the other thing, but don’t you have better things to do?”
When the spy exchanged a glance with my father, I started humming louder. I didn’t like it when I was missing something obvious.
“Oswin’s just doing his job,” my father said. “He wouldn’t be a good bodyguard if he didn’t keep an eye on you.”
“A what?” I snapped with my eye twitching.
They thought I needed a bodyguard? Why?
Crossing his arms, Oswin scanned our surroundings.
“I told you he wouldn’t know what last night meant, Aramar,” he said. “Subtlety doesn’t cut it with him.”
No. No, no, no.
“I don’t want someone constantly watching me,” I said. “What makes you think I’d need something like that?”
“I don’t know. Maybe how many times you’ve almost died in the last few months?” Oswin said.
“But I didn’t-!”
My father took hold of my shoulders, turning me to him.
“Maybe you don’t need someone to watch your back. Maybe you do,” he said. “I’m asking you to let Oswin do this because I trust him and it’ll ease my mind. Please?”
Gods. damn. it.
“Fine,” I hissed, jerking free of my father.
I did my best to ignore the awkward silence that followed, picking at the pile of clothes I was holding. After a moment, I unfolded the top piece, holding it in front of me.
“I don’t understand why everyone’s still wearing these,” I said. “Queen Kaedesa won’t be happy to learn so many deserters have the uniform of Ada’ir’s army. She’ll come after us for it.”
“Oh, she won’t care about that,” my father said. “She might for the soldiers she lost but what they wear? Not so much.”
“And that’s not Ada’ir’s uniform, sir, although I can see how you might mistake the two,” Oswin said. “Three hundred years ago, Ada’ir’s monarchy stole its styling from the hemorrhaging corpse of Auden’s standing army. They’re very similar, as you can see.”
Facing me, he gestured toward his body, and he was right. There were many similarities between his outfit and what I was holding.
Both sets of uniforms claimed loose pants and matching boots as well as identical weapons belts, although a jacket hid the one hanging from Oswin’s hips. It closed at the body’s midline with a line of buttons running to a clasp at the jacket’s collar. Embroidered symbols on this collar designated each soldier’s rank—a horizontal pair of bars in Oswin’s case—with their silver color accenting the uniform’s navy-blue fabric.
“You’re not just a captain of a boat, I see,” I said. “Captain Oswin of the army as well, huh?”
Shrugging, Oswin said, “It’s a common enough rank, one that’s often overlooked, and that makes it perfect for me.”
With a nod, I returned my attention to the uniforms I was holding.
“That begs the question of who these are for, though,” I said.
Said uniforms boasted several differences from what Oswin was wearing. For one thing, the jacket’s sleeves cut off halfway down the upper arm, allowing the wearer greater maneuverability. Its shoulder caps were hard enough to stop a sword’s glancing blow, and its buttons were not only positioned off-center but they were flush with the fabric they kept closed. It was shorter than Ada’ir’s jackets, allowing easy access to the uniform’s weapons belt, and several loops and pockets on the trousers provided storage for knives, gunpowder, and other such items.
When it came to combat, this uniform was much more practical, although some things remained the same, such as the collar.
What I was inspecting, however, had no insignia there, which I found strange. Even an army’s recruits had an emblem to designate their rank. Maybe these uniform had yet to be finished, leaving their embroidery incomplete.
“Those are for you,” my father said. “Some of the soldiers have noticed how deplorable your wardrobe has become. They asked me if they could fix it.”
“One of our ships had a crate of Ada’ir’s uniforms in its hold,” Oswin continued for him. “On the journey here, we’ve been modifying them when we found the time, intending to properly outfit your people, but those two are for you. As for the lack of insignia-”
“You’re not part of the military’s structure,” my father interrupted.
“And yet, you are.”
Crossing his arms, Oswin glared at my father, and I shivered at the chill in the air. When had those two found the time to form a rift over such a silly subject?
“We didn’t know what insignia to give you,” Oswin continued, although he held my father’s gaze. “At first, we thought a gold star, like what Commander Marcuset claims, would be best, but technically, you’re even higher rank than him.”
Good gods, why did people keep placing such importance on me? Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I still said I was nothing special.
As I raised my eyes to the heavens, seeking patience, Oswin smiled.
“As we got to know you, however, we figured out the best insignia for you,” he said. “None. With nothing on your collar, you’ll have a degree of anonymity without sacrificing the need for the average soldier to know who’s in charge, and you are in charge here, sir, whether you like it or not.”
With stinging eyes, I folded the uniforms into my lap, focusing on how much care and attention had gone into them instead of what Oswin had said.
“They’re perfect. Thank you,” I said. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this, but I’m grateful for it. After I’ve gotten some sleep, we can see how they fit, and speaking of sleep, did you need anything else, dad, or may I go?”
Ruffling my hair, my father said, “There’s nothing else. Get some rest-”
“Aramar.”
Stepping into the tent, Oswin towered over me and my father, although his heated gaze seemed reserved for the older man.
“Stop sparing him. In the long run, it’ll do more harm than good,” he said. “Please. Burst the bubble he’s been living in.”
With my father having shrunk on himself, I glanced between him and Oswin.
“What’s he talking about?” I asked.
Screwing his face up, my father took a deep breath before slowly letting it out. When he opened his eyes again, all emotion had bled from him.
“Raimie. Much as we might wish otherwise, you found Shadowsteal,” he said. “Do you know what’s expected of you because of that?”
Several things I’d much rather never think about?
“Defeat an all-powerful overlord,” I said. “Free this land.”
“Yes, that’s true,” my father said with a nod. “And after you’ve done these things, what will happen to Auden? How will it recover?”
Cocking my head, I said, “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about it, not with current concerns taking my full attention.”
“That’s understandable. I want you to think about it now, though.”
So, I did, and after only a heartbeat, I knew where my father was going with this.
Nervously laughing, I said, “I’d rather not.”
With a click of his tongue, Oswin abruptly left the tent, all while I burned the back of his skull with my gaze. He’d started this. The least he could do was stick around until it was over.
“With their overlord dead, the Audish people will need someone to lead them,” my father said, “and they’ll turn toward the one who saved them for that.”
“Go- Alouin. So, you’ve joined the people trying to make me a king?” I said. “I already made my decision about this, dad. I won’t do it.”
“What makes you think you have a choice?”
Rolling my eyes, I pulled one leg onto the cot so I could face my father.
“Everyone has a choice in what they do, but sure. Let’s assume I don’t,” I said. “Tell me. What qualifications do I have to rule a kingdom? I’m an eighteen-year-old kid, barely figuring out my own life. How am I supposed to guide a nation’s worth of people too?
“My only source of legitimacy comes from Shadowsteal, which I’ve lost in case you’ve forgotten. Even the foretellings that might, might, be about me say nothing about ruling Auden. Destroying evil? Suffering some unknown, awful fate? Sure. Leading? Not a word.
“Even if they did, however, and our family retook a throne that we lost generations ago, I wouldn’t be the one to sit on it, not by every established rule of succession. That honor would go to Eledis-”
“Shut your mouth, Raimie.”
Obligingly, my teeth clicked together while I swayed away from my father. I’d never heard him so angry before, not even when long ago, I’d mentioned the emptiness that only Nylion could fill.
“In all of the crap you’ve spewed, you were right about one thing,” he growled. “You are acting like a child.”
Gods, his face was red. The sight of it made my fingers itch to hold steel, to protect, while cautious wariness rose from Nylion, but I couldn’t move. I could only listen.
“Tell me, son. In your lessons with Ferin, may she rest in peace,” my father said, flinching at the former Zrelnach commander’s name, “did she get around to explaining what a monarch’s role is?”
Held fast by fear, one I didn’t want to explore, I flicked through my mental index, desperate to find an answer for my father.
“Ternidian said that a monarch was the head of a state, which doesn’t explain much…
“Oh! But in his autobiography, page 178, King Sephicus of ancient Lyzencroft said that ‘-a monarch represents and protects their subjects, whether within the kingdom or abroad. They negotiate with other nations on behalf of their people for resources that are scarce within the kingdom’s borders, and if negotiations break down, they lead the army in defense of their people. They maintain law and order within the kingdom so that their subjects have every chance to advance in station…’ and then, there’s something about establishing laws in the first place as well as building infrastructure.”
That was everything on the subject, right?
“Was that a word-for-word recitation of Sephicus’ dry ramblings? Hell. Sometimes, I forget…”
Jerking my head up, I was… relieved, actually, to see that Oswin had rejoined us. I didn’t know how he’d snuck up on me, but considering I no longer felt so unstable—we’d put it—I didn’t care.
“That’s an excellent explanation, but it’s missing one crucial element,” my father said. “Whoever accepts the burden of the throne must understand that it’s a job, not a right or a privilege. Keeping a kingdom of diverse people safe and happy is rigorous work, and anyone who’s eager to step into such a position should be viewed with suspicion.”
As Oswin nodded, I refocused on my father. Where was he going with this?
“So, now that we know a monarch’s role, we get to a supremely important question. What makes a monarch, or in your case, a king, a king? I’d argue that it involves three things.
“First: a claim to the throne. Trust me, Raimie. You absolutely have that. After your mother died, Eledis and I made a terrible mistake when we rejected our family’s history. True, this granted you a happy childhood, a blessing in every way, but at the same time, you weren’t prepared to find Shadowsteal. If you’d been trained for that like I was, things might have been different.”
He looked away, and again, I was struck by how little I knew about my own father. Had finding Shadowsteal been his dream, and if so, had I taken that away from him? Or had he been relieved that the sword’s foretellings weren’t about him?
Clearing his throat, my father continued, “Second: consent of the people. Oswin?”
“The exiled Audish nation supports Raimie as sovereign, sir,” the spy said.
But the declaration just made me wince. It was well and good, of course. We’d have a problem if the people who’d joined us didn’t support me, but what of the actual Audish people, the ones who’d been hostile to me since we’d arrived?
As if aware of what I was thinking, my father said, “Perhaps those who live under Doldimar’s boot will disagree with us. Perhaps not. We can’t ask for their opinion right now. The people we can ask, however, have given you consent to rule them, and that has to count for something.
“Third and last: the power to keep the throne. That’s what we’re here to test. Can we take Auden from Doldimar?
“In all honesty, though, does a king need a throne to be a king? What about a crown? According to Sephicus, a king represents and protects his subjects, and you have subjects, Raimie, whether they were pushed on you or not. They may form a small kingdom, but still, they’re yours.
“Oswin, what has my son done since first accepting Commander Marcuset’s oath of fealty?”
“Represented and protected us to the best of his ability, sir.”
At Oswin’s ‘us’, my father paused, flicking his eyes to the spy, before forging onward.
“That’s right,” he said. “If we accept Sephicus’ definition of a monarch, then you already are one, Raimie.
“As for lines of succession, I promise you that we don’t want Eledis in charge of anyone’s life. Nothing good drives that man. If you value my opinion at all, you’ll never suggest that he becomes king again.”
After he fell silent, I wondered if he was done, half hoping he wasn’t.
For my whole life, I’d valued logic. There was something to be said for following one’s heart, but to me, logic should almost always reign supreme.
Right now, I hated it with every fiber of my being.
Turning away from my father, I let my foot fall off of the cot, leaning on my knees to hide my face.
“All right. I concede,” I said into my hands. “I’m a go- Alouin damned monarch of an Alouin damned kingdom.”
Someone brushed my back, removing his hand when I bristled.
“I’m sorry.”
Laughing, I shook my head, flinging my hands to either side.
“There’s no changing it, so why be sorry?” I said. “May I go to bed now, though? I’m assuming you’re done with me, yes?”
Nodding, my father patted my leg, and I stood.
“Once I wake up, we should talk about what happened last night,” I said. “Lots to discuss there.”
Then, I stepped into the sunlight, wandering toward a recently abandoned campsite.
How did my life keep changing so drastically? A king? Me?
Making a face, I banged on my head, hoping it would knock the idea loose from me, until Oswin snatched my wrist. When I opened my mouth to snap at him, he just pointed at where a knife, strapped to my forearm, had started slipping free, so instead of getting in his face, I wrenched my limb away.
While securing the blade, I said, “You’re following me back. Does that mean you’ll be watching me when I sleep now?”
“And when you’re in the privy. And if you’re ever intimate with a woman. Or a man. I don’t know your preferences,” Oswin said. “That’s what a bodyguard does, sir. Are you regretting your vow to be my friend yet?”
For a few steps, I glared at him, trusting other people to get out of my way.
“No,” I eventually said.
But oh… if I didn’t want to punch him in the face right now.
Chapter 88: Found You
Rhylix
The signs had stopped. For three hours now, I’d followed the ones Ren had left for me, but I couldn’t find any more. I’d already retraced my steps between the last few, making sure I hadn’t missed anything, and that effort had once more led me here, to this innocuous clearing with nothing in it.
Gods, I knew I’d told my sister that everything would be fine but… had she been ambushed? Had she been hurt?
No. I’d seen how she’d handled herself before. She’d learned everything Auden had to teach her, which meant…
Again, I glanced over my surroundings, and again, I saw nothing to indicate that even the most basic of human civilization lay nearby.
Even still.
“Ren!” I called into the gathering dusk. “If you’re somewhere nearby, can we please not play seek and find? I have time-sensitive information for my ally.”
I waited for a while after this, perfectly aware that it might take a minute to neutralize any safeguards my sister had placed around her home. In the meantime, I picked at my crudely tied together cloak, wishing I could have retrieved more than this flimsy piece of clothing from my things when fleeing Da’kul. I’d love to have even a basic weapon on me right now, something besides primeancy at least.
Speaking of that…
“Creation, can I get an update on Raimie, please?” I asked.
Stepping into view, my constant nuisance crossed their arms.
“It’s the same as it’s been the last dozen times you’ve asked: unknown,” they said. “What else would you expect? Your ally’s piece of Order is gone.”
And wasn’t that a terrifying thought? What would happen to Raimie now? He was solely a Daevetch primeancer. Given how strong of a reaction I had to that dark energy, how would this affect our relationship? How quick would his descent into insanity be, and once he reached an inevitable point of no return, would I be able to put him down?
Many of these questions were concerns I’d had when Raimie could still access Ele, but they hadn’t been as urgent because I’d believed his use of both energies would slow the process of his fall. Now, I must truly consider them, which I didn’t like.
And that wasn’t even touching everything that accompanied the destruction of an Ele splinter.
“I know it’s silly to ask, but would you please return to the whole and see if you can find any news about him there?” I asked. “It would ease my mind.”
“In that case, of course I’ll go,” Creation said.
As they popped out of view, I shook my head. Ever since overriding me while in Da’kul, they’d been exceedingly polite to me, which I didn’t understand.
How many times had they forcibly pulled me out of situations that they’d deemed too dangerous in the past? They’d never changed their behavior after those past performances, but then, they’d been doing a lot of things I’d never have thought them capable of lately.
What had changed?
The sound of a crack, splitting the night, drew me out of my thoughts, and I stared as a cliff face I’d previously passed over… opened. As it gaped wider, it revealed evidence of civilization behind it, and I started laughing. Sometimes, I forgot how ingenious my people could be when it came to the art of survival.
Since what I was seeing was obviously Ren’s home, I started toward it, noting the figure standing in the center of the presented opening. While I took everything in, my sister watched me with a shit-eating grin. Hell, she must be proud of this place, and she should be. No enemy would find it without the greatest of luck.
Doldimar was known to be pretty damn lucky, though.
“So?” Ren said. “What do you think?”
“I think…”
As I trailed off, I looked over a host of people going about their day, much like those from Ada’ir did. They comported themselves as if the threat of violence—should they be discovered—couldn’t touch them.
So resilient.
“I think I missed my home,” I said before facing my sister. “Thank you for the reminder of what Auden’s like at its best.”
“Of course,” Ren said with a toothy grin before waving me into the city. “Shall we?”
Gods, how I’d like to enter this sanctuary. After the last few days, filled with running, I'd welcome a short respite but…
“I can’t stay,” I said. “Unless Raimie’s here? I have urgent news for him.”
“I’m sure you do,” Ren said, patting my shoulder. “I’m also sure that it can wait for you to catch your breath. Maybe I can find you something better to wear while we’re at it.”
She bemusedly eyed my cloak, making me wince.
“I wish I could, but there’s no time,” I said. “You didn’t see the army coming for my allies, Ren. I have to get my news to them as quickly as possible.”
The mention of an army made Ren pause, but soon enough, she was smirking at me again.
“How hard have you pushed yourself to get here, Rhy?” she asked. “You must have used a lot of Eselan magic, among other things, too.”
“Of course I did,” I said. “I had to reach my ally as soon as I could.”
With her smirk widening, Ren said, “And you don’t think you’ve gained enough of a head start to take a break?”
She… had a point.
“Fine,” I said. “Better clothes and some weapons would be welcome.”
“Good to see that my big brother can still show sense,” Ren said.
Had that been sarcasm? I didn’t get long to ponder this question as Ren swiftly moved into the city.
Under other circumstances, I might take the time to marvel at this place, a genuine font of human creativity, but I had to know.
“Is Raimie safe? Did you get him back to his people?”
With a side-eyed glance, Ren said, “Don’t you mean your people?”
Right. That was what they should be, wasn’t it?
But as usual, I had a hard time with connecting, with seeing them as anything more than a means to an end.
Except for when it came to Raimie.
“Ren…” I said with a sigh.
Snorting, my sister did a poor job of hiding her smile.
“Raimie’s fine. He and his people have been establishing a base camp for days now,” she said before frowning. “He’s made quite the impression here too.”
Oh, no.
“Does that mean he’s visited?” I asked, trying to keep the question light.
I’d wanted to be here for that. With me as a facilitator, I’d been hoping to ease an inevitably tense introduction, but based on Ren’s short nod, I’d guess that hope had been for naught.
“Most of Tiro hasn’t been receptive to him, given who he is and what it means for them,” she said. “Had-had and I have been doing our best to change their opinions but…”
Grimacing, she raised a hand to wobble it from side to side.
“That hasn’t been going so great.”
Of course it hadn’t. Who wanted a reminder of the reason, no matter how long distant, that one’s life was a disaster? I’d known Raimie’s identity would be a problem for future endeavors, both his and mine, but the only way to alleviate those tensions would be nothing short of a miracle.
So, maybe I should focus my attention elsewhere.
“Had-had?” I said, raising an eyebrow.
“Oh! He’s my brother in all but blood,” she said. “After you left, Tanwadur and Eliade took me in. They already had an adopted son, Kylorian, but you won’t meet him for a while. He’s almost always in greater Auden, helping where he can. Hadrion, or Had-had as I call him, came after me.”
She had a family here. Of course she did. She’d mentioned them when we’d parted, but I hadn’t yet taken the time to consider what that would mean for me.
Would they hate me, the brother who’d left her behind? How much had Ren told them about me? Did they know about my connection to primeancy?
As if summoned by the thought, Creation popped into being not far ahead, and at the sight of them, Ren clicked her tongue. She knew better than to say anything else, though, not with so many people around us. Instead, she diverted us toward an abandoned alley, all while I stared at the splinter.
Something was off about them, more than it had been for the last few months. Their face was pale with their vacant eyes skittering over the roadside, which I didn’t understand. The guise that a splinter wore was meant to reassure people that there was nothing to fear, and right now, what Creation was projecting inspired nothing but disquiet in me.
Had something gone wrong with them, and if so, what could it be?
Chapter 89: A Proper Reunion
Rhylix
One that might let me slip free of my prison.
At my side, Creation numbly followed us into an alley. Their strange appearance might have ruffled me, but Ren just looked irritated, both about it and them. Once we were out of sight, she spun on Creation while planting her hands on her hips.
“What do you want?” she snapped.
I expected that to rouse Creation from whatever this funk was, but they merely blinked at my sister for a moment before turning my way.
“Your ally is alive and well,” they dispassionately said.
Raising an eyebrow, I drawled, “Yes… Ren told me. How do you know that?”
Creation slowly shook their head as if unable to believe what they were contemplating.
“I learned his status while checking with the whole,” they said. “His Order piece had recently returned to share it.”
That shot my eyes wide open.
“His Order piece?” I said. “Meaning Bright?”
When Creation nodded, I frowned.
“I thought you said it was destroyed.”
Licking their lips, Creation tried to speak but ended up clearing their throat instead.
“They were. Destroyed, I mean,” they eventually said. “Lighteater wiped them out of existence.”
“Then how…?”
I didn’t know what else to say. So far as I’d been aware, no Ele splinter could recover from a brush with Lighteater, the same as Daevetch splinters couldn’t with Shadowsteal. I’d thought those swords were the only check on otherwise all-powerful beings, but here Creation was, saying my long-held belief was wrong.
“It was your ally,” they said.
With their brow furrowed, they vaguely gestured, struggling with their words.
“He did… something. We’re not sure what yet,” they continued, “but it pulled his Order piece back into being. Unfortunately, they’re still addled, so we haven’t gotten a full report on what happened but…”
With a shiver, Creation shrugged helplessly before chewing on their lip, which was an interesting look on them. I’d never seen them so uncertain before.
Still. According to them, Raimie had done the impossible again. Somehow, this didn’t surprise me. Why didn’t it?
Not that it mattered. To me, this was simply further proof that I’d been right to place my faith in my friend.
“Right! How did I forget that he’s a… one of you?”
Jumping, I snapped my attention to Ren. Somehow, her presence had temporarily slipped from my mind, not that I could blame myself for that. Creation had just shared shocking news.
Even still, that had been sloppy of me and with what I’d been saying, potentially dangerous. If she were anyone else…
Crossing her arms, Ren frowned.
“We’ll have to hope the idiot doesn’t let that piece of information slip as easily as he did with his identity,” she said. “With how much trouble I’m already having getting people on his side, I can only imagine how much more impossible the task would be if that secret got out.”
Hmm. Ren had mentioned it earlier, but still, I had to clarify.
“You’re helping Raimie?” I asked. “From what I saw before, I thought you disdained him.”
To my great surprise, my sister flushed, hugging herself as she looked away.
“He’s not so bad once you get to know him,” she said. “Still unbelievably stupid at times, mind you—”
She gave me a pointed glance before shifting in place.
“—but… not so bad.”
Oh.
“You like him,” I blankly said.
Which had been a mistake. Jerking her head up, Ren started scoffing denials, all while I quashed a smile. That relationship would certainly be interesting to watch.
Apparently unable to handle me, Ren stalked forward to once more join the busy thoroughfare, and chuckling, I glanced at Creation, noting their continued, disconnected state with a sigh.
“Bright’s recovery is a good thing, yes?” I said before giving Creation a moment to acknowledge me. “Then, let’s not question it. You and I both know Raimie’s extraordinary. What’s another example of that?”
Slumping, Creation said, “I know. It’s just concerning as well.”
But then, they glanced toward where Ren had disappeared around a corner, making a face.
“You should hurry and catch up,” they said. “I’m glad you’ve reunited with her. Please, don’t let me disturb that.”
At this, I narrowed my eyes at the splinter. Did that mean they’d known Ren was alive the whole time I’d thought her dead?
I couldn’t get into that issue right now, though, not when my sister was pulling away from me. Taking off in a trot, I hurried after her.
Ren had been right about taking a break. Clean and with a fresh set of clothing donned, the problem of an overwhelming army, bearing down on my ally, didn’t seem as daunting.
I wasn’t discounting the danger of it! We were most likely still doomed, but now, I could acknowledge that sharing this information when I was rested and calm would be better for everyone.
When I left my borrowed room, my sister looked up from where she was waiting at the table, glancing me over with a grin.
“You look better,” she said.
“I feel better,” I said with a nod. “Thank you for making me take a break.”
“Of course! I did the same thing often enough when we were kids, right?”
Standing, Ren clasped her hands in front of her with a gleam in her eyes.
“Now, before we head to my family’s place for dinner—and don’t you dare argue with me about that—I have something for you.”
Crossing my arms, I did my best to keep from looking down my nose at her, but when she laughed, I knew I hadn’t done a good job with that. She retreated into the room beside my borrowed one, quickly returning with a wrapped bundle. When she offered it to me, I hesitantly accepted, picking at the cloth’s edge while holding her gaze.
Nodding, she flapped a hand at me.
“Go on! Open it!”
So, I tugged the cloth away, and when I saw what had been in the package, my mouth dropped open.
“This is…” I whispered.
Reverently, I lifted a sword and dagger into the light. I’d know these blades anywhere. The chorded, blue tassels hanging from their pommels. The insignia engraved in the center of the dagger’s guard. These were historical masterpieces.
They were also mine. I’d lost them shortly before leaving Auden and upon arriving here, had meant to go looking for them when I had the time. They were possibly the only items that held enough sentimental value for me to undertake such a difficult search.
It seemed I wouldn’t need to make the effort.
Partially withdrawing the sword from its sheath, I examined it for a moment before glancing up at Ren.
“How…?”
She’d know what I meant.
Clasping her elbows, Ren said, “I went home a few days after it was Harvested. Wasn’t sure why I was doing it, but I needed to make the visit, and Dury was kind enough to accommodate it. I found our mother…”
Trailing off, she bit her lip, suddenly finding the fire in the hearth beyond interesting, and I squeezed my eyes closed.
What must that have been like? I remembered what the Kiraak had done to our mother with crystal clarity, but I hadn’t stuck around long enough to view the end result. Reaching my younger sister had seemed more important.
But she’d seen our mother’s remains… gods.
“I buried her,” Ren eventually said. “Couldn’t do the same for the rest of the dead, but I gave them the respect they deserved. I didn’t find our… my father.”
Oh, no.
Cracking my eyes open, I hesitantly said, “Do you think he…?”
With a sigh, Ren shrugged.
“They probably took him, yeah, but there’s no way to confirm it.”
“Damnit,” I breathed.
Why, why, why were these horrible things possible?
After a moment, Ren said, “Anyway, I found those weapons with your things and took them home with me, along with a few other items. Figured you’d want them if you ever found me.”
“Ren, I’m sorry it took so long-”
My sister lifted a hand to stop me.
“You did your best,” she said. “I don’t blame you.”
I could accept that, even if I wasn’t ready to forgive myself for it.
“Well, then,” I said. “Thank you for this.”
After bobbing the sword and dagger in the air, I finished unwrapping them before getting them settled on my hip, and once that was done, a ridiculous amount of tension fled from me. It was amazing how terrifying I found an unarmed state, especially when I was in Auden.
Perhaps seeing my relief, my sister snorted, gathering me in a hug.
“I’ve missed you,” she said into my chest.
And I clutched her to me, this wonderfully impossible survivor of everything I was.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Soon after this, we made our way to the home of Ren’s adoptive family, only to find it bustling when we arrived. We stepped into a kitchen filled with activity, and after a moment, one of the women glanced at us, lighting up when she saw my sister.
“Little bird! Thank Alouin you’re here!” she shouted over clanging pots and pans. “I’m almost finished here. Just need to wrap some rolls for Jariah and Morthasi’s kids. Could you bring a few dishes to the dining room?”
“Sure, Eliade!” Ren called before nudging me. “Come on.”
After balancing two plates in my arms, I followed my sister out of the kitchen, casting a glance over its many inhabitants as I did.
“That was your mother?” I asked as I caught up with Ren.
Smiling, she said, “Yes. You’ll have to forgive how harried she is right now. Tiro’s still struggling with a recent influx of refugees. Lindow was Harvested just last week.”
Making a face, she adjusted her burden so she could open a door.
“Eliade does what she can to help with these things, sometimes taking on more than she can handle,” she continued, “but that’s just her! Never content to let others suffer.”
Unsure how else to respond, I said, “She sounds very kind.”
Ren laughed at that.
“She is! And given what I know of you, the two of you should get along famously,” she said. “Dury, on the other hand…”
“That’s your father?” I asked.
With a nod, Ren said, “Dury’s exceptionally kind to the people he trusts, but earning that trust… it might be difficult for you.”
Fantastic. As if I didn’t have enough trouble with that skill when it came to normal people.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I said, partially to myself.
My sister gave me a doubtful look, but then, she pushed through another set of doors, and I had no more time to prepare.
Chapter 90: Meeting Her Family
Rhylix
I beg you, for the friendship we once shared, to do what must be done.
The dining room was laid out in typical fashion. On the room’s periphery, a few other seats surrounded a table and chairs, and the candelabra on top of this arrangement aided the fireplace in lighting the space. A man sat at the head of the table with his back to us, but when Ren and I entered, he swiveled to his feet, offering us a congenial smile.
“Ren! I wasn’t sure if you’d join us,” he said. “Who’s your friend?”
He looked me over appraisingly while I tried not to squirm from any assumptions he might have made.
“It’s not like that, Dury,” Ren huffed, rolling her eyes. “Please.”
But then, she turned awkward, biting her lip, and I stared at her. Had she not considered how she’d introduce me?
Jerkily stepping aside, Ren waved my way.
“This is… Rhylix,” she said. “My brother.”
Already moving to greet me, the other man paused to give Ren an odd glance.
“Your brother?” he asked.
When Ren nodded, he shrugged before dropping into a short bow.
“Greetings, Rhylix. It’s good to meet you,” he said. “My name is Tanwadur. Please. Join me.”
Gesturing to the table, he took a seat, waiting for me and Ren to deposit our plates on the table and find our own chairs. I was surprised by how easily Tanwadur was taking the revelation of my identity, but for now, I wouldn’t question it.
Once we were settled, he rested his folded hands in front of him.
“I should probably stick with social niceties until my wife joins us,” he said, “but there are certain items that we should discuss sooner rather than later. You are a full-blood Eselan?”
At the tail end of those words, he brushed his eyes over me, and I suppressed a sigh. Prejudice against the Esela was prevalent everywhere in our world, but given the special circumstances, I’d thought it might be longer before I ran into it here.
“I am,” I said, dipping my head in acknowledgment.
Reaching over, Ren patted my thigh.
“Don’t worry,” she whispered. “He’s not like the rest, only asking for your safety.”
Tanwadur’s eyebrows flew into his hairline.
“Indeed. My apologies if I indicated anything else,” he said. “I wanted to confirm because if it is so, then you should make yourself scarce until Tiro’s residents have gotten used to you, which I’m sure they’ll quickly do. Free Esela are so rare nowadays, what with Doldimar killing them when he finds stragglers. I’m sure you can understand.”
Oh, how well I did. Even still, I had to wonder if Tanwadur had brought up the question of my race merely with the intention of keeping me safe or if he was suspicious of whether I was affiliated with that evil overlord. After all, Doldimar also liked making Esela into Kiraak.
“I appreciate your concern,” I said, “but I don’t mean to stay in Tiro long enough for that to be a problem. As soon as I’ve gotten some rest, I’ll depart your city, and what a fair city it is! I never thought to find somewhere so untroubled in Auden.”
That probably hadn’t helped with soothing Tanwadur’s suspicions, but honestly? I didn’t much care. I’d spoken the truth, and while I wasn’t trying to make a bad impression on this man, I refused to put a full façade on with him. I’d done that long enough in Allanovian.
He, however, appeared unruffled.
“I’m glad you like it. Making Tiro safe has been a worthwhile endeavor,” he said, “But given your appreciation, I’m surprised you want to leave us so soon. As Ren’s brother, you have an open invitation to stay with us, and I’d think that after so long apart, you’d want to spend more time with your sister.”
That made me wince. Yes, I’d love to catch up with Ren, and if circumstances had been any different, I’d do just that. As it was, I was uncomfortable with how long I’d already stayed here.
How did I relay that without sharing too much information, though?
Before I could answer the question, the door behind Tanwadur sprang open, and the woman from the kitchen hustled inside, burdened with more dishes.
“You’d better not be interrogating our guest already, Dury,” she said. “Come help me with these.”
Tanwadur and Ren leapt to their feet so they could assist, and I followed their example, if more slowly. When it was my turn to take something from this woman, though, she shook her head at me with a huff.
“You sit back down, darling, although I thank you for your kindness,” she said. “You’re our guest tonight, and that means we treat you as one, no matter how much my husband may like to forget it at times.”
Rolling his eyes, Tanwadur said, “I was only warning him to stay wary while he’s here, Eliade.”
“Which I am sure he already knows to do, as any proper Audish citizen should,” Eliade said.
But then, she lightly pecked Tanwadur’s cheek.
“Sit down, love,” she said. “It’s time to eat.”
Grumbling under his breath, Tanwadur did as he’d been told with the rest of us joining him, although Eliade stayed on her feet with her hands on her hips.
“Where’s Hadrion?” she said. “I swear. That boy’s sense of time…”
As if summoned, a plain-looking teenager burst into the room, hurrying for a chair and chattering all the while.
“I’m here! I’m here! No need to get upset!”
Sighing, Eliade shook her head, moving to a seat while Hadrion started serving himself from the food in front of him, never minding the stranger in his midst.
Meanwhile, I took this in with a bemused smile. It had been a while since such normalcy surrounded me, and I must admit. I’d missed it.
Lightly slapping her son’s hand, Eliade said, “Hadrion! Mind your manners! We have a guest tonight. Perhaps you should introduce yourself?”
Hadrion never stopped shoveling peas onto his plate, although he honored me with a gap-toothed grin.
“Hullo. I’m Hadrion,” he said. “Sorry for being so rude, but I’ve been busy today. I’m starving.”
“You’re always hungry, Had-had,” Ren sighed.
When she snatched the serving spoon from him, he made a face, and I did my best not to laugh.
“No apology necessary. I know what being hungry is like,” I said. “My name’s Rhylix.”
While Hadrion screwed his face up, the rest of his family started serving themselves, but I waited my turn. The food in front of me smelled to die for, especially after weeks of nothing but hardtack, but I was perfectly aware of the impression I should make on these people. Even if I refused to fully hide myself, I could still exercise my manners.
“Rhylix,” Hadrion said, tapping on his chin. “Where have I heard that name before?”
“He’s my brother,” Ren said. “Yes, the one from my stories.”
While Hadrion’s eyes went wide, Eliade softly chuckled. Tanwadur stayed notably silent with no expression on his face. What was he thinking?
“But… aren’t you supposed to be dead?” Hadrion blurted out. “It’s been so long-”
Cuffing the back of his head, Eliade snapped, “Hadrion!”
Squinting, the teenager rubbed his scalp while I grimaced.
“No, please. He’s right to ask that,” I said. “It has been a long time since I last saw my sister, and because of that, I must thank you all. You’ve provided Ren with a loving home, something I could only dream of doing, and I’m grateful to you for it.”
“Oh, aren’t you sweet?” Eliade said. “But really, Ren’s been a blessing to us, and I thank Alouin for every day she’s stayed in our lives.”
Ren blushed at that, and keeping my lips flat, I nodded to Eliade before tucking into my meal and gods…
Groaning, I let my eyes flutter closed while leaning back in my chair.
“You like it?” Hadrion asked.
“This meal is the most delicious one to pass over my tongue in a long while,” I said before meeting Eliade’s eye. “My compliments to the chef.”
With her lips twitching, Eliade said, “Thank you, but it wasn’t just me in the kitchen, you know.”
“Don’t let her modesty fool you. My wife is an excellent cook,” Tanwadur said before turning to said woman. “I’m lucky to have her.”
“Aww…” Eliade murmured.
She laid a hand over his while Hadrion gagged and Ren snorted, and I took the opportunity to fully indulge in my fare. Once conversation resumed, who knew when there would be another break in it?
So far, this had been going better than I’d expected. I’d thought for sure that these people would express hostility toward me, but perhaps that was perceptions from my past coloring my view. Perhaps I should learn that not everyone would automatically hate me. Raimie had certainly proven that point over the last year.
I should get back to him.
Not quite yet, though. How many times must I remind myself that he could wait until morning?
After quite a while of companionable silence, Tanwadur cleared his throat.
“So. Rhylix. Why don’t you tell us about yourself?” he said. “I must admit. I was quite shocked when our little bird told me she’d run into you last week. Such good fortune didn’t seem possible, and yet, here you are.”
And we’d moved back into a tricky topic. How did I explain myself without alienating these people?
“Trust me. I know how unbelievable my reunion with Ren must seem. I still find myself questioning it,” I said. “You must understand. For over a decade, I thought Ren was dead. I was doing my best, trying to live with… what I did to her.”
Abruptly, Eliade reached for me.
“You did the only thing you could,” she said. “If you’d stayed with our little bird, you’d likely have died, and no one here would have wanted that.”
The others at the table nodded or mumbled their agreement, although Tanwadur seemed more hesitant about it, and Eliade continued on.
“Besides, you gave us the opportunity to raise a wonderful young woman, a task that I’ve not once regretted doing. She’s a good daughter and an amazing sister.”
“Maybe to Ky,” Hadrion grumbled. “She can be an absolute pest with me.”
Ren stuck her tongue out at him while her adoptive parents laughed, and I rapidly blinked, trying to clear my misty vision.
“I wish I could have been here,” I said.
Clicking her tongue, Ren grabbed my arm, hugging it to her.
“From what you’ve shared, that would have been quite impossible,” she said, “so stop beating yourself up for it.”
Like that would ever happen.
“Yes, what was it you’ve shared with her, or have you forgotten my original question?” Tanwadur said. “Please. Tell us about yourself. I’d like to know which of my daughter’s incredible stories about you are true.”
I quirked an eyebrow at Ren—how much had she shared?—but she shook her head. I took that to mean that any secrets she knew were safe.
That was good. I wouldn’t have to explain my way out of possible tales of primeancy.
“What would you like to know?” I asked.
“Oo! Ren says you’re a master with the sword,” Hadrion said. “Could you teach me?”
That wasn’t a question I’d been expecting, which had me shifting in my seat.
“Perhaps. As I’ve said, I plan to leave Tiro in the morning, and my situation may delay any return I might make,” I said. “Besides, I’m sure Ren’s exaggerated my skill. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.”
All true. Ren had likely embellished what she believed my skill level to be, and given that, those exaggerations might be uncomfortably close to the truth.
Making a face, Hadrion nodded acceptance of my words while his father drew breath to speak, but Eliade stepped in before he could.
“You’re gracious with him, considering that his question was quite rude. You barely know one another, Hadrion!” she said. “Perhaps something a bit more polite should come next. So, tell us, Rhylix. What is it that you do to survive in our kingdom?”
While that was indeed a polite question, it made me no less uncomfortable. The question would require me to tell a half-truth.
“I’m a healer,” I said. “Some find my skills useful enough to provide me with what I need to live.”
My confession had Ren snorting into a glass of water while Eliade raised an eyebrow, but I couldn’t blame my sister for the reaction. Healing hadn’t been my focus when she’d known me.
“That’s wonderful! Healing’s such a rare trade to claim!” Eliade exclaimed. “You’re lucky to have those skills!”
“Yes, indeed,” Tanwadur said. “I’m curious where you could have learned them, though, or learned them well enough to make a living at least. As my wife said, that knowledge is rare.”
Eliade swiped at his arm, but I waved away the apologetic glance she directed my way.
“It’s a fair question,” I said. “In answer, good sir, I’d tell you that I didn’t learn my healing skills in Auden. In fact, since shortly after losing Ren, I’ve been living… elsewhere.”
I wasn’t sure if my sister had told them about my affiliation with Raimie, although I’d be surprised if she hadn’t. Still, it was why I’d hedged, even knowing such an effort would likely gain me nothing.
As I’d thought, Ren’s adoptive family had paused in their meal while she’d buried her face in her hands, and in the resulting silence, I took another bite, keeping my chewing quiet.
“I take that to mean you’re one of the rabble who’s poisoned our land,” Tanwadur eventually said, “which also means you’ve allied with him. Have you no sense of decency or pride in your homeland?”
As I cocked my head at him, Eliade gained a white-knuckled grip on her husband’s arm, and both Hadrion and Ren tried to disappear into their chairs.
After taking another bite, I said, “I’m not sure what you’re insinuating, but yes. I’ve returned home with a group of soldiers from across the sea, people whose only intention is to help Auden.”
Please, say that Tanwadur would keep his cool. I’d like to finish this lovely meal without interruption, and I wasn’t sure what would happen if he continued with this hostility.
Unfortunately, he was visibly seething at me now, and seeing this, Eliade faced him.
“Dury, love-” she started.
“No!”
Throwing her hand off of him, Tanwadur banged a fist on the table.
“I won’t hear of this! How can you think of protecting someone who’d support him?” he spat. “That boy doesn’t deserve to breathe Audish air, much less help us. Fat lot of good it’ll do, I’m sure. I’m having a hard enough time with my family singing his praises. I won’t have one of his supporters at my table. How weak of a mind must you have, sir, to be taken in by someone so duplicitous, so cowardly, so evil-”
“ENOUGH!”
As that roar echoed in the room, I realized I was on my feet with my chair on the floor behind me. The insults hurled at me had raised nothing from inside, but when this ignorant idiot had started in on Raimie…
I didn’t know what had come over me. White-hot heat had flashed through me, melting each of the masks I typically wore, and I didn’t know why.
Perhaps it was because of who Raimie had become to me. Months ago, when I’d shared how important I found friendship, I might have underplayed my convictions about it. If my past had taught me anything, it was that the people who called you friend were the most precious in the world, only overshadowed by whoever became your family.
So, if Tanwadur wanted to throw insults at me? Let him. I’d endured far worse. But Raimie…?
Leaning forward, I rested my fingertips on the table, letting Tanwadur catch a rare glimpse of everything that lay behind my masks, and he flinched.
“Raimie is a good man, one of the best I’ve ever known. He possesses something near unheard of in this day: an innate sense of decency and the drive to see his end goals done. Do not let your fear of him blind you to everything he truly is,” I said. "I am Audish, and despite my absence from this kingdom, I have endured the suffering that’s inherent for one such as us. I have just as much of a right to disdain Raimie, but having come to know him, I can say without hesitation that I will never hate or judge him. He is the only one who might free this land from the true evil it faces. Perhaps you should do the same before you reject him or defame his character as much as you have with me.”
Pausing, I watched Tanwadur, making sure he’d heard me, but when he took a breath to speak, I turned to Eliade, dismissing him.
“I must thank you for the superb meal, Mistress Eliade. You have been a gracious hostess,” I said. “Unfortunately, my fatigue has caught up with me. With your permission, I’ll take my leave to address that problem.”
Hesitantly, Eliade nodded at me, and even with the ice that had me in its grip, I internally winced. I hadn’t meant to scare this family.
“My thanks,” I said.
With a final sip of water, I left the table, storming out of the dining room, and behind me, a chair scraped across the floor while someone mumbled probable excuses.
When she caught up, my sister said, “Rhy…”
“Not now, Ren,” I said. “I’m sorry, but not now.”
Thankfully, she gave me space. In silence, she followed me to her home, speaking not a word when I entered my room and shut the door behind me.
Chapter 91: Delivering Bad News
Rhylix
End my life.
Hours had passed, and I was still awake, struggling to paste my mask back together.
That needed to happen before I left Tiro. If I failed to hide everything I was, I wasn’t sure what the revelation would do to the people around me, especially those I cared for. Bad enough that it had shattered in front of other people tonight, if only for a time.
“I haven’t seen you this upset in a while,” Creation said from the foot of my bed.
They’d joined me quite some time ago, but I’d been ignoring them, too busy with my task to acknowledge their presence. Apparently, they wouldn’t let me keep that up.
“It’s been a while since someone’s said something so upsetting to me,” I said.
Snorting, Creation leaned back on their hands.
“Really?” they said. “In your life, you’ve endured so much torture and pain without complaint, but you fly into a rage about this? You must truly care about your ally this time.”
Giving them a warning glance, I said, “I won’t get into that with you.”
“Yes, yes.”
With an explosive sigh, Creation fell onto the bed, and as they bounced in place, a creak outside my window had me tensing. Could Tanwadur have sent someone to answer my earlier display?
“You’re being paranoid,” Creation said.
When my window started sliding open, though, they sat bolt upright.
“Hide!” they hissed.
At that, I rolled my eyes. Did they really think I wouldn’t have drawn my source around me at the first sign of trouble?
When a figure clambered through the open window, though, I released my hold on it.
“Hadrion,” I said.
Jumping to his feet, the teenager scuttled away from me for a moment before freezing. Chuckling, he patted himself down while heading for my bed.
“Sorry. I didn’t see you before coming in- Alouin, you’re scary.”
Stopping at the end of my bed, Hadrion drew back, which made me raise an eyebrow, but with a short laugh, he climbed onto the mattress.
“By the void, that look is good! You’ll have to teach me how to do it,” he said. “I’d love to cow Dury like you did-”
“Why are you here?” I interrupted.
After my performance at dinner, I doubted I could repair this boy’s perception of me, not so soon at least, and I didn’t have time to indulge anything else.
Giving me an odd look, Hadrion said, “I’m checking on you, of course. When you left the house, you seemed upset.”
Having settled on the bed, he was sitting in the middle of Creation’s projected body, which forced the splinter to move. As they went, they made many a disgruntled noise, and this drew an unintentional smile to my lips. It certainly wasn’t because of the concern Hadrion was showing me.
“That’s kind of you but wholly unnecessary,” I said. “I’m fine.”
“Uh-huh,” Hadrion said. “Is that why you look like an animated corpse right now? Don’t get me started on what the look in your eyes is telling me.”
Sighing, I returned my attention to reassembling my mask. What Hadrion had commented on? It was one reason why I needed the damn thing.
“This is how I am,” I said. “When I’m around other people, I hide it, but tonight, your father ripped that disguise away from me, unfortunately.”
I fell silent, hoping the teenager would get the hint and leave me alone, but he never moved, studying me while chewing on a lip.
“Well, that’s just dumb,” he eventually said.
Jerking my eyes to him, I said, “What?”
If Hadrion had noticed how empty my voice had become, he didn’t comment on it.
“You heard me,” he said instead. “Hiding who you are is stupid. You shouldn’t do it.”
Oo, if hearing that didn’t burn me, not least because he didn’t know how much I was hiding.
Turning aside, I hissed, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” Hadrion said. “Sure, some secrets are best kept to yourself, but I doubt you have anything like that in your repertoire.”
Mirthlessly, I chuckled.
“Really, kid,” I said. “You have no idea.”
“All right, then. Show me.”
As I turned my head to Hadrion, it felt like someone had fused my spinal column together.
Again, I said, “What?”
“Show me these supposedly awful secrets,” Hadrion said with an encouraging nod. “Bet ya I can take it.”
As I considered this kid, my patience ran out. I had something to finish before I could get some sleep, and resting had been the point of staying here overnight. If I’d wasted time in getting disastrous news to Raimie with no benefit to me, I’d never forgive myself.
So, I turned to Creation, coming as close as I could to asking them for permission. The secret I shared with them would most likely send Hadrion away, but it was also the least damaging to me. He seemed too naïve and kind to spread a rumor that would get me killed.
I half-expected Creation to refuse me, so when they shrugged, it loosened my jaw.
“Do what you will,” they said. “From what I can read of this boy’s essence, I agree with your assessment.”
Well, ok. That was different.
I wouldn’t argue with it, though.
Fully facing Hadrion, I drew Ele to my hands.
“How about this?” I asked as it illuminated the room. “Sordid enough for you?’
As I curled my fingers into my palms, Ele’s light dissipated, revealing Hadrion’s bulging eyes and gaping mouth.
Licking his lips, he said, “You’re a primeancer?”
I just looked at him, waiting for his inevitable reaction, but instead of running away or screaming bloody murder, he lunged my way. He was attacking-?
“That’s so cool!” Hadrion nearly squealed. “I’ve heard the rumors and stories but…”
Grabbing my hands, he flipped them back and forth before meeting my eyes.
“Do it again.”
More than a little stunned, I obliged the demand, and releasing me, Hadrion pattered his hands in front of his face.
“Oh, this is amazing,” he breathed. “I never thought I’d meet one of the legendary-”
“Why?”
My voice had been so faint that I was surprised it had cut through Hadrion’s chatter. When he looked at me questioningly, I cleared my throat.
“You should be afraid. You should be running for help, and I should be making my escape from Tiro,” I said. “Why are you…?”
For some reason, this plunged Hadrion into somberness, and he hung his head.
“Don’t you get sick of it?” he said before peering up at me. “All the hatred, I mean. I know I do.”
Pausing, he clasped his hands together while holding my gaze.
“Look. I know the legends. Everyone does,” he said, “but I refuse to believe that the past defines the future. Just because primeancers wrecked the world centuries ago doesn’t mean they will now. I mean look at me! I’m a prime example of defying the expectations one should make from history. You know about the Birthing Grounds, right?”
Thrown by the change in subject, I could only blink for a moment before forcing myself to reply.
“Where the Kiraak are made.”
Nodding, Hadrion said, “It’s also inescapable. Well, guess what? I grew up there.”
For that last part, he’d dropped his voice to a whisper, but on viewing my incredulous expression, Hadrion started giggling.
“How are you sane?” I said. “No. Better question. How are you alive?”
Hadrion flapped a hand at me.
“A few years ago, Kylorian and Dury saved me from there, but that’s not the point,” he said. “Only Kiraak come out of the Birthing Grounds, and yet, here I am!”
Spreading his arms, he twisted back and forth.
“What’s happened in the past does not define the future.”
In the silence that followed, I could only gape at this teenager, and beside me, Creation shook their head.
“He reminds me of your ally,” they said, “if only in some ways.”
I had no response for that either, and after an interminable wait, Hadrion leaned toward me.
“So, promise me that you’ll work on dropping the mask, at least when it’s safe,” he said, “and show me what you did again!”
Laughing, I drew Ele to my hands once more, and while the teenager lifted them to nose level, I examined him.
“Hadrion?” I eventually said.
Pausing in his unceasing string of questions, the kid glanced at me, and I smiled.
“You can call me Rhy.”
In the morning, Ren led me to Raimie’s encampment. It was a quiet journey, all told, but soon enough, tents came into view. We walked through them for a bit, wandering until we heard a group of people up ahead, and knowing we’d soon be occupied, I slowed down, pulling Ren to a stop.
“About what happened last night-” I started.
“I’m so sorry, Rhy!” Ren said, clasping my hands. “You have to forgive me. Dury overstepped, and I should have warned you about the animosity between him and Raimie.”
Snorting, I covered my mouth for a moment, shaking my head to reassure Ren that I was all right.
“I was about to apologize to you,” I said.
With her face going blank, Ren said, “Oh.”
Then, she doubled over, snickering, and I joined in with her laughter.
When I could, I asked, “Does that mean we’re good?”
With a final burst of giggling, Ren nodded, but she sobered when she saw how serious I’d turned.
“Of course we are, Rhy,” she said. “What happened last night didn’t even come close to upsetting me.”
“Then, will you come with me?” I said, waving toward where we might find Raimie.
I could use her support.
“I don’t know. If I’m to help you and Raimie in Tiro, I have things to tackle there.”
Looking out over the camp, Ren bit her lip, but soon enough, a soft smile pulled it out of her teeth.
“But yeah,” she said. “I’d like that.”
With my shoulders loosening, I said, “Thank you.”
Perhaps hearing the relief in my voice, Ren squeezed me in a hug before strolling toward the group, and I followed her, off to deliver news of deadly peril to my only friend.
We found him in the middle of soldiers. Zrelnach were scattered around the warriors from Ada’ir with one of them leading the group in a set of exercises. As we approached, I was surprised by what they were teaching. I’d thought the Zrelnach had considered that form a secret technique.
Raimie was participating as a student, of course. I was gratified to see him doing well, if not to the point that he stood out, and as we watched, I noted that Ren had seen him too. With an odd smile, she cocked her head.
“Is he wearing…?” she started.
I nodded, a little shocked myself. Where had Raimie found one of those uniforms?
Shaking it off, Ren continued, “Have you started teaching him this form? He shouldn’t be doing so well with it already. They’ve only been at this for a couple of days.”
“No, I haven’t shown him how to do this,” I said, “but that’s just Raimie. He’s full of surprises, sister mine.”
She turned contemplative while the instructors led the group through the form’s last few moves. Halfway through this, Raimie noticed us, and his natural proficiency increased tenfold. He flawlessly performed the exercises last few moments, which made me wonder if he’d been trying to show off.
Before I could think too hard about that, though, the group broke apart, and Raimie headed toward us.
Shit. Time to break the bad news.
Chapter 92: Mild Panic
Raimie
As Rhylix and Ren again explained what was coming for us, I absently tapped Silverblade’s hilt, keeping my eyes fixed above their heads. If I met their gazes or stopped this nervous tic, everything would catch up with me, and I needed it to wait in the wings for a moment more.
Sometimes, detaching from oneself and one’s surroundings could be useful.
With a look of concern, my friend said my name, and I shook myself.
“Oswin, if I asked you to gather my family, Marcuset, and Gistrick, would you do it?” I asked. “Or will that interfere with your bodyguard duties too much?”
The spy, who’d faded into the background for this whole conversation, shifted in place.
“I could get someone else to do it,” he slowly suggested.
For the love of…
“I can watch my own back for a little while, you know,” I snapped. “Especially with Rhy here.”
Ok. That outburst had been uncalled for, but of all the changes I’d endured in the last week, having someone constantly hovering around me, watching, had been the worst. It had made accomplishing some of my more sensitive tasks close to impossible. I didn’t think Oswin and the various people he represented would appreciate me learning how to lockpick, like I needed to do for Nylion.
When he just stared at me, I sighed, unsure of how to continue. I should apologize, but how-?
“I could do it.”
Turning to Ren, I raised an eyebrow, which made her grin.
“What? I know what they look like, so I can wrangle them into one place, which would make everyone happy,” she said, “but why would you want to do that?”
Wasn’t the answer to that question obvious?
“First, they need to know what’s happening, just as much as I do, and please don’t argue with me about that, Oswin,” I said. “I may have accepted the whole ‘being king’ business, but that doesn’t mean I should stop consulting with the knowledgeable people around me.”
Saying not a word, Oswin grinned, but what I’d said had Rhylix furrowing his brow.
“Becoming king business?” he asked.
“I’ll tell you later,” I said. “Also, if what you’re saying is true, then we’ll need to discuss battle plans, and given our timeline, we won’t have much time to do it. We should start soon.”
I already had some ideas about how to defend my people from the coming threat, but hearing from others, especially an experienced commander like Marcuset, would be helpful.
“You mean to fight them?” Ren asked.
With her nose wrinkled, she was looking at me like I was crazy, but I couldn’t blame her for that. I’d heard every word that she and Rhylix had relayed about the odds we’d face.
“Perhaps we will. At the moment, it’s our most likely course of action,” I said, “but I haven’t decided yet, not fully. Hence, why I want to speak with the others.”
With an uncertain nod, Ren said, “All right. I’ll grab them. Shall we meet in the same place as usual?”
Where she and I had been meeting to discuss her efforts in Tiro?
“It’ll have to do,” I said. “With so many people inside, the tent may get cramped, but so far as I know, we won’t find privacy anywhere else.”
“Yes, unfortunate as that is,” Ren said. “Give me a quarter mark, and I’ll have them there.”
“Thank you.”
Flashing a grin at me, Ren took off while Rhylix speculatively watched me.
“You two are working well together,” he said.
And he found this unusual, why?
“She apologized. I apologized,” I said. “Everything’s good between us now.”
For some reason, this made Rhylix smirk, and I might have asked him about it if Oswin hadn’t cleared his throat then.
“Are you… well, sir?” he asked. “Considering what we just learned, you’re acting very…”
Flippant? Yes, I was well aware. This was what always happened when I detached. As I’d said, it could be a useful skill at times.
Sighing, I rested my hands on my hips.
“Would you rather if I were panicking?” I asked.
Shaking his head, Oswin drawled, “No, I’m just…”
He appeared to have nothing else, so I patted his shoulder, hoping it would reassure him.
“Don’t worry. I’m ok,” I said. “I do need to grab a few things before this meeting, though, so Rhy? Will you accompany us?”
“Will it help?” my friend asked.
Was he serious?
“Yes, it’ll help. Having you around always helps,” I said, “and don’t think I’ve forgotten that we still need to talk. You may have brought me another distraction to delay that conversation, but it does need to happen.”
Wincing, Rhylix shrugged.
“Whatever you say, Raimie,” he said. “Let’s focus on survival for now, though, yes?”
One of these days, that man would run out of excuses for hiding things from me, and I couldn’t wait for it to come. But in the meantime…
With Oswin and Rhylix following, I headed for my tent, ignoring the salutes that the surrounding soldiers directed at me, but then, I’d gotten pretty good at that in the last week. I wasn’t sure why those forms of respect had been happening more frequently, whether it was because Oswin has shared the burden I’d accepted or not, but to my great relief, no one else had sworn their fealty me since the spy had done it. I couldn’t handle another exchange of vows, not so soon after the last one.
When we reached my tent, I spun on my companions.
“Wait here,” I said. “I won’t be long, and Oswin? You can keep a good enough watch on me from this spot. Please, stay put?”
I didn’t want them to see what might happen behind those canvas walls.
With an explosive sigh, Oswin indicated his approval.
“We can wait,” Rhylix said.
So, I ducked into my tent, reaching for the few texts I might need in the coming hour, but they weren’t my goal in coming here.
No. For that, I collapsed onto my bedroll, and as I’d learned long ago, I quickly fell to dreams.
I only let detachment fall away from me when I was in my nightmare realm.
“Fuck!” I howled at a never-ending horizon.
With my fingers tangling in my hair, I started frantically pacing, barely noticing as Nylion approached me with a hand extended.
“Heart of my heart, please,” he said.
I wasn’t sure how I made myself stop, but when I fell still, I hesitantly took Nylion’s offered hand, gasping to calm my racing heart. As always, a long-lost sense of connection soothed me, and after gulping several times, I managed to focus, if only nominally.
Nylion squeezed his hold on me, offering a hesitant smile, and seeing it, I slid into panic again.
“Oh gods, Nyl,” I said. “You heard what they said. What will we do?”
“What we always do,” he said. “Survive. Together.”
But that only highlighted something I hadn’t let myself consider yet, and at the thought, I snatched my hand to me.
“That’s right. You and I are one,” I said. “If I fail… if my decisions get me killed…”
“I die too, yes,” Nylion said, “but how is that any different from the soldiers whose lives depend on you?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned away. I hadn’t needed that reminder.
“It just is,” I said. “I don’t know how to define it, but my responsibility for them and the idea that I could get you killed… it’s different, ok?”
After a pause, Nylion circled in front of me, squatting so I had to look at him.
“Heart of my heart, I trust you,” he said. “I have always trusted you to keep us safe in the real world, and when you cannot do that, through no fault of your own, I am here to help.”
He truly meant that. I looked at him, seeing his absolute faith in me, and it broke my heart. I didn’t deserve it.
“But you do.”
I didn’t acknowledge that, snorting as I hauled Nylion upright.
“You feel like helping now?” I asked.
Dubiously eyeing me, Nylion said, “Do you want my help?”
As I considered what I knew about my other half, applying that knowledge to the coming meeting, I winced.
“Probably not a good idea.”
“No,” Nylion said with a laugh. “Social interactions are not my specialty.”
“I’m not that much better with them,” I said.
Nudging me, Nylion said, “Are you sure about that? I certainly find you inspiring.”
For unknown reasons, that made my cheeks heat, and as usual when this happened, I ducked my head, hiding it. Fortunately, Nylion chose to ignore my reaction, although he leaned into me after a moment.
“Will you be ok out there, handling them?” he asked. “I will do what I can to help, but... it is not the same as it was.”
Throwing my arm around him, I convinced myself I was doing it for reassurance’s sake and not to take a brief taste of completion.
“I’m grateful for what we have, although…”
I pulled away, enough to meet Nylion’s eyes.
“What’s with the contradictory emotions that you give off when we’re around certain people? Don’t know how I keep forgetting to ask about that.”
Shrugging, Nylion said, “I am not sure. What you are feeling is my instinctual reaction to them. I do my best to keep it private, but that does not always work.”
“Well, that’s not concerning at all, considering how hostile you’ve been toward some of them,” I said.
Shrinking on himself, Nylion stepped away from me.
“I am sorry,” he said. “Making life more difficult for you is never my intention.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “It’s a good thing you’re not doing that, then.”
I pulled Nylion in front of me, holding him in place once that was done.
“You help me, Nyl,” I said. “Look at what’s happening now. If I didn’t have you, I’d probably have lost it in an embarrassing way earlier. Instead, I held it together and fell apart here, where it was safe and healthy to do so. That’s all thanks to you.”
“Ha!” Nylion scoffed.
Then, he grinned at me.
“I am glad that you find me somewhat useful.”
Releasing him, I clicked my tongue.
“Fine. Be stubborn if you want,” I said before grimacing. “I should probably go back. Who knows how long I’ve been asleep?”
Smirking, Nylion said, “Not long, I assure you. Time works differently here. Still, I wish you luck in the coming conversation and please. Remember that I am here if you need me.”
“Thanks, Nyl.”
I shook myself, flinging tension out of my arms, before resting my hands on my hips.
“Speed me along?” I said. “It’s time to get this over with.”
“Of course,” Nylion said.
He touched my temples, and my nightmare realm dissolved into nothing.
Chapter 93: Let's Start This Thing
Raimie
When the first of my summoned guests arrived, I was as ready as I’d ever be. Tugging on the hem of my new uniform, I scanned a recently drawn map of the surrounding area again, making sure I hadn’t missed anything. I was grateful to have clothing that both fit my trimmed physique and wasn’t falling apart, but because it wasn’t worn in yet, my uniform’s fabric was still stiff. I found myself picking at it or otherwise adjusting at the oddest of times.
“It’ll be fine,” Rhylix said behind me.
He was sitting on one of the crates in this tent, and glancing at him, I made a face.
“Maybe this conversation will go well, but the rest? I doubt it,” I said. “Don’t worry, though. I can hold it together for a little while longer. I’ve dealt with worse than a bunch of cranky elders before.”
Snorting a laugh, Rhylix leaned back while pulling his legs under him.
“That’s for sure.”
“What’s all this about?” my grandfather snapped when he spotted me.
Turning to Rhylix, I said, “See? Cranky elders.”
As my friend choked on a laugh, I smiled at the men who’d joined us.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” I said. “Let’s wait until everyone’s here before I explain, though, shall we? I’d rather not repeat myself.”
Eledis started grumbling to himself, but he didn’t have long to wait. Within a few minutes, Ren led Gistrick and my father into the tent, coming to a stop at my shoulder.
“Unless you object, I mean to switch places with Oswin. I’ll play sentry instead,” she said. “Much as I might wish otherwise, this is more his fight than mine. He should be in here, listening.”
She’d made a good point. Why hadn’t I thought of it?
“All right,” I said.
When she turned away with a nod, though, I grabbed her wrist, drawing her gaze back to me.
“Thank you, Ren,” I said. “For everything.”
For a breath, she wordlessly stared at me, but then, one corner of her mouth lifted in a grin.
“No need to thank me,” she said. “Like you said before, you’re the one who’s lost here. What sort of woman would I be if I let you drown?”
Reversing my hold on her, she squeezed my hand before leaving, and I stared after her, rubbing where she’d touched me. Why did it feel so pleasantly warm?
Someone cleared his throat, and with a small start, I turned to the gathered men, some of whom were watching me with interest.
“My apologies for the delay,” I said. “Ren was just telling me that she’d send Captain Oswin in here, and once he’s joined us, we can begin.”
Crossing his arms, Gistrick said, “Are you sure you want him here? He is a spy, after all.”
Someone must have gotten around to telling him that piece of information. I wondered if he’d raised this protest due to disgruntled feelings over the delay or the typical distrust that common soldiers had for spies.
“While he may be a spy, Oswin has also been appointed as my bodyguard,” I said. “Considering the proximity to me that this position requires of him, he’ll find out what I mean to tell you sooner rather than later. Why not include him?”
No need to mention that he’d already heard the news I meant to share. As if to emphasize my point, the spy effortlessly strolled through the maze of crates as I finished speaking.
“Find out what exactly?” he asked.
Somehow, I kept from laughing at his display of ignorance, gesturing to Rhylix instead.
“As many of you already know, Rhy left to scout the surrounding terrain after we arrived here,” I said. “He’s recently returned, and given the news he brought with him, I thought it best for us to gather so that he could share.”
And I stepped aside. Rhylix and I had agreed that he should repeat his initial report to these people, letting his in-person perspective add to the urgency of our situation. He, however, refused to come down from his crate, instead making himself more comfortable on top of it.
“First of all, a small matter of business,” he said. “Everyone here knows I hail from Auden now, yes?”
Everyone nodded, of course. That was one of the few secrets I’d pulled out of him long enough ago for it to have filtered to the rest.
“Good. Then, I expect no one to question how I know about these things.”
Hopping to the ground, Rhylix started rearranging things on the table.
“For the most part, we have nothing to worry about right now,” he continued. “By a stroke of luck, we’ve landed in the middle of the Cerrin Forest, the only uninhabited portion of Auden’s west coast. At least, it’s uninhabited besides the occasional rebel or solitary survivor.”
And Tiro, of course, but considering the town was hidden on the eastern fringe of the forest, I couldn’t fault Rhylix’s omission of it.
“Unfortunately, we do have one, massive problem.”
Having placed a map of Auden so that it faced the others, Rhylix rested a finger on a point to the south of us, although still barely within the forest’s reach.
“A fort lies here, name of Da’kul,” he said. “The Enforcer of this region makes this place his home, and before you ask, all of you know who he is. You’ve each met him at least once.”
At that, the others stiffened while my father rested his hand on the ring around his waist.
Licking his lips, he said, “Teron?”
With a nod, Rhylix said, “And that’s not the worst of it. Because of our activities in Ada’ir, he’s been aware of our impending arrival for quite some time and has prepared accordingly. He’s gathered a significant force, one that he sent to meet us on the morning after I escaped the fort. Given that this was a little over a week ago and considering the average march time of such a large army, I’d say that it’s within three days of getting here.”
Finished, my friend made way for me, and as I approached the table, I leaned on it. Resting my fingers on the map’s edge, I did my best to ignore how badly my guts had coiled on themselves.
“This is what we know,” I said. “The enemy’s numbers are around nine thousand strong. Their ranks are made up of mostly Kiraak, which I’ll have Rhy explain in a moment, but so far as we know, they’re not bringing siege engines with them, just troops. We’ll have to send out scouts to verify this and check if they claim a cavalry division, but that’s for later. Given this, here is what I propose we-”
“Nine thousand?” Gistrick interrupted with a strangled voice. “How the hell are we to stand against that? Our numbers stand at…”
When he paused to consider, Oswin helpfully stepped into the silence.
“Five thousand, two hundred, and thirty-five,” he said. “That’s counting everyone with a passing ability to fight, though. The number of our competent soldiers is probably lower.”
Gistrick wildly gestured at Oswin as if the spy had proven a point.
“They outnumber us nearly two to one!” he said. “Alouin above, I hate to suggest it, but we should consider splitting up. We can regroup later.”
“And where, exactly, would we do that?” Eledis calmly rebutted. “Save for Rhylix, none of us know about this land. If we split up, we’re liable to end up indefinitely scattered in the wind instead.”
“So, what do you think we should do?” Gistrick snapped.
Shrugging, Eledis clasped his elbows.
“We run, yes, but as a cohesive unit,” he said. “That will gain us time-”
“Not enough of it, though. You know that, Eledis,” Marcuset interrupted. “Running will only tire the troops out.”
As Eledis glared at his friend, my father lifted a finger from his crossed arms.
“Probably not the best idea, but could we cross the Narrow Sea again?” he said. “We could garner support from the Southern Kingdoms before trying this once more.”
This idea had Eledis scoffing while Gistrick laid a hand on my father’s shoulder.
“My friend, you spent a lot of time in the Southern Kingdoms back in the day,” he said. “Do you really think that any of them will help us?”
“Not to mention how much time we’d waste by doing that!” Eledis said.
Bristling, my father started defending his point, and I wondered if I could bring this meeting back under my control. As I’d watched them arguing, I hadn’t been able to move, frozen in place first by their strong reactions and then, by uncertainty. How could I get them to listen?
When Oswin nudged me, I glanced at him, hoping he didn’t see how wild my eyes must look.
“You can do this,” he said. “Go on.”
He inclined his head toward the map, and I took a deep breath.
“I wasn’t finished,” I said.
But they paid me no heed, getting increasingly upset.
“Louder, sir,” Oswin said. “Like their opinions don’t matter.”
Because in this instance, those opinions weren’t supposed to matter. So, straightening, I squared my shoulders and bellowed.
“I’M NOT FINISHED!”
Chapter 94: Battle Plans
Raimie
On the tail end of my shout, a knife sailed between me and Oswin, impaling itself in the middle of the table, and this display, along with my ringing voice, effectively shut everyone up. As Rhylix retrieved his knife, returning to a seat on his crate, I made sure to catch each gaze of the men here.
“We’re not crossing the Narrow Sea. We’re not splitting up, and we are most certainly not running.”
Even I was surprised by how firm I’d sounded there. Damn, that statement had brooked no argument. Hopefully, I could keep it up.
“What we will do is stand and fight,” I continued. “Now, as I was saying, if we position-”
“Forgive me, sir, but are you serious?” Gistrick interrupted. “We’d have to be insane to face such an overwhelming army when we have other options.”
“And what are those other options?” Marcuset said.
“Run! Live to fight another day!” Gistrick said. “You said it yourself months ago, Raimie. Sometimes, that’s all you can-”
Unable to hold myself back any longer, I slammed my hands on the table, making the others jump. I kept my eyes fixed on the map, carefully enunciating each syllable as I spoke.
“I would appreciate it if I could finish a single thought without interruption.”
Lifting my gaze, I fixed Marcuset and Gistrick with it.
“For having sworn your fealty to me, you two have shown me little respect. I’ve come to expect such treatment from my family but from two successful military commanders? You surprise me. You should know the concept of a chain of command better than this.”
With a laugh, Gistrick said, “You’re pulling rank now? After all this time?’
As he continued to chuckle, I waited for his mirth to run out, unceasing in my stare until he fell silent.
“No. I’m not pulling rank,” I said. “The lack of insignia on my collar should make it obvious that I don’t have one. I am your king. I am above rank.”
Blanching, Gistrick gave a slight nod, and when I turned to the other three, they watched me with unreadable expressions in place.
“Can I expect any further interruptions from you, or may I continue unimpeded?”
None of them moved, seemingly locked in place, until Oswin cleared his throat.
“You appear to have their attention, sir,” he said, “which they really should have given to you from the beginning.”
Ok. Maybe it was time to let up a little. Even as I did so, though, I was afraid my legs would buckle without anything to support them. I’d never been so assertive before. I wasn’t sure I liked it.
“Yes, well,” I said. “I suppose I’ll forgive them for it this once since I haven’t been acting the way I should until now. That will have to change. For now, though, it can wait.”
Ignoring the others’ stares, I pulled another map from beneath the one Rhylix had been using.
“As you may have noticed, I’ve been working with a mediator from a nearby city. Her name is Ren,” I said. “She’s working to secure us a place of refuge, somewhere we might hide until this enemy army loses interest in us, but given her people’s disposition toward us, I find it unlikely that her efforts will succeed. Due to this scenario, I’ve been forming several battle plans over the last week, all while hoping we wouldn’t need them, and based off of Rhy’s provided intelligence, I’ve chosen the one that we’re most likely to live through.”
Pausing, I pointed at the edge of my new map, one that displayed a close-up view of our current position.
“We’re situated here, on the beach, with a dense forest to one side of it and cliffs on the other. This beach rises at a nice incline for a couple of miles before leveling off.
“Rhylix has assured me that the enemy is unlikely to approach us from the forest. He says that the Kiraak, which make up a majority of their army, do everything possible to avoid such wealthy examples of life, and given how empty the forest has been in the week I’ve explored it, I’m inclined to believe him. In addition, Ren has confirmed that rebel fighters from Tiro have been keeping the woods cleared of Kiraak for years, leading to a fear of it among them.
“Given this, Teron will likely have his army advance from the east, having had them pass along the other side of the nearby mountains to get here. They’ll approach through the deforested land between the forest and cliffs. I’ve already sent several scouts to confirm this.
“So, what I’m proposing.”
Retrieving a green token, I rested it on the map.
“We send a unit of our best archers into the cliffs, there to hide until the enemy army has passed them. Once it has, they will rain hell on our foe while they approach the beach. Hopefully, these archers will draw their stragglers away as well.”
I placed a larger token on the marked beach.
“Meanwhile, we leave a nominal force here to lure the enemy in. It will need to be large enough to allay Teron’s suspicions of a trap while not dragging too many soldiers away from our main host. Say, fifteen hundred or so. Having some Esela among them would be helpful as well, as their illusions can swell this token force’s ranks.
“Eventually, the enemy will charge, and when that happens, this unit will break rank, retreating along the coastline toward the forest. Once they’re clear, sailors on our remaining ships will use our cannons to decimate the Kiraak.”
After scattering a few red tokens across the beach, I rested my hands on it, hanging over the map.
“Now, to this point, the rest of us will have been waiting, hiding in the forest’s eaves, but with the enemy drawn in, we’ll charge, flanking them. If we continue pressing them between our blades and our cannons, we may have a chance.”
Pushing off of the table, I folded my arms behind my back.
“Questions? Comments? You’re welcome to voice your thoughts now.”
The others, however, refused to say a word. Some of them scanned the map while at least one just looked at me, and I fought to keep still.
“How in the void did you come up with this?” Marcuset eventually asked, breaking an uncomfortable silence.
With his question, one discomfort got traded for another, but I couldn’t display how unsure I was of this plan. Gods, why would I, an ignorant teenager, think that I could devise a working battle plan?
Forcing calm into my voice, I said, “Over the last few months, my lessons with Ferin and Eledis have covered many topics, to be sure, but strategy and military history were among them. In addition, while I stayed in Daira at Queen Kaedesa’s behest, I devoured the books in her library, getting through a good portion of them before we left the capital.
“All of you know that my memory is… unique, we’ll call it. I find it difficult to forget anything I’ve read, and while that doesn’t always mean that I’ve absorbed a finished book’s contents, I can retrieve it in exacting detail after I’m done. For the last week, I’ve spent far too long reviewing these resources to create what I’ve presented to you, not that I should have to explain myself. My question was on my plan’s merits, not my methods of concocting it.”
After an awkward pause, Marcuset nodded.
“I can accept that. Please forgive me if I caused offense,” he said. “As for what you’ve asked, this plan…”
Falling silent, he again examined the map while the rest of us waited. After all, Marcuset was the most successful commander among us.
“It could work,” he finally pronounced with only the barest hint of surprise in his voice. “If you’re willing, I’d like to modify it a little. For instance, I’m not sure that we can use the ships’ cannons if we leave them in place. We couldn’t get those boats in range of the shore, but I can easily fix that problem.”
Waving a hand over the table, I said, “Have at it. What about the rest of you? Any thoughts?”
Clearing his throat, Oswin waited for acknowledgment before speaking.
“Could you tell us about the Kiraak, sir? You said you’d explain.”
“Right.”
I rubbed my eyes while shaking my head.
“Can’t believe I forgot,” I said before dropping my hand. “Rhy, would you mind?”
As I stepped aside, I was more than happy to fade into my friend’s shadow, but again, he didn’t move from his crate. Having begun playing with a knife while I’d been speaking, he continued flipping it through his fingers as he explained.
“Before I begin, you need to understand something. In this land, Doldimar is the embodiment of evil incarnate,” he said with his eyes fixed on the knife. “With me having said that, perhaps you can fully grasp what I mean when I share that the Kiraak are Doldimar’s children.”
My father shivered at that, but the others seemed unaffected. Knowing what I did now, I found their stoicism foolish.
“Several times a year, Auden’s overlord Harvests the many towns and villages in his domain. In doing so, he rips lovers apart, tearing children from parents, and… well. Suffice it to say that this is where Kiraak come from. Where before they were human and Esela, after coming under his ministrations, they become…”
As Rhylix glanced up, searching for words, he stopped spinning his knife.
“…corrupted,” was what he decided on.
With a sharp nod, he sheathed his knife, dropping from the crate to approach the table.
“This is mostly irrelevant for you, though,” he said. “What you need to know is that the Kiraak are nearly invincible. If you stab one in the heart, it’ll just keep coming. To kill one, you must behead it or hack it to pieces, but in combat, that second option is virtually impossible.”
Rhylix paused, presumably to allow questions, and frowning, my father took the given opportunity.
Slowly, he asked, “If this is true, then what’s the point of the cannons and archers during the proposed battle?”
This was where I stepped in again.
“The archers will aim for the eyes, when possible. A blind Kiraak won’t do the enemy much good before we eliminate it. Besides, their job will be to goad, not kill,” I said. “As for the cannons, do you really think that a shot from one would do anything less than dismember their targets? Even if they can’t cause such damage, the same concept would apply. We cripple the enemy as much as possible before facing them in combat.”
Giving me an approving look, my father said, “You’ve thought this through.”
I tried not to let that praise go to my head. He didn’t know how much I’d been obsessing over this plan recently.
“I’m glad you think so,” I said, “and I know that the added difficulty of killing Kiraak might make my plan even more unfeasible, but still, this is our best chance. We should fight. We should show Teron and everyone else in Auden that we’ll do what we must to accomplish our goals here.”
For some reason, this had everyone but Eledis smiling at me. My grandfather kept his scowl, but I’d expect nothing else from him.
“Again, I’m reminded of why I swore my fealty to you,” Marcuset said. “Not only are your convictions admirable, but you’re motivated and extraordinarily talented too.”
“Did you expect anything less that brilliance from him, Commander?” Oswin said. “Always, Raimie has astounded and amazed, or don’t you remember?”
Marcuset made a face at him while Gistrick laughed, and all the while, I kept my unease off of my face. I had no clue why these men had such confidence in me, and I wasn’t looking forward to the day when I failed them.
“Well!” Marcuset soon exclaimed. “Now that we have a workable plan, we should discuss its details. If my king approves, of course.”
Waving at him, I said, “Please. Go ahead.”
Which was enough for them. They crowded around the table, and satisfied that I was no longer needed, I tried to relax. Given everything that was coming, I knew that accomplishing this task would be a struggle, one that would be almost as intense as what had happened over the last quarter hour.
Still. At the moment, it was all I could do.
Chapter 95: Questions for a Friend
Rhylix
Stop the misery that I may, in my insanity, wreak upon the world.
As the older gentlemen happily set upon Raimie’s plan, intent on improving it, I touched the kid’s elbow.
“May I borrow you for a moment?” I asked.
After checking that Aramar had heard the question, Raimie nodded, soon leading the way out of the tent.
“How did it go?” Ren asked once we were outside.
“About as well as I expected.”
Stretching his arms overhead, Raimie yawned.
“All right, Rhy, let’s chat. Oswin, you can follow at a distance,” he said before glancing at Ren. “Will you stick around? Once your brother’s done with me, I’d like to rehash a few details of our plan.”
“I’ll be here,” Ren said with a smile.
Again, I noted the easy companionship that had grown between my sister and my friend. I wasn’t sure what to think of it.
Of course, I was glad they were getting along. When I’d left Raimie in Ren’s hands, I’d been concerned about how I’d manage their relationship dynamic, and it was good that they were enjoying one another’s company now.
Still, I couldn’t help but be wary of it. Perhaps this caution was only due to my belief, engrained by past experience, that no good thing could last for long. I hoped that was it. In this, I’d love for my beliefs to be wrong.
Raimie led the way out of camp, somehow knowing that we’d need privacy for this chat, but I supposed that wasn’t so surprising. He probably wanted to tear into me about the many things I’d been hiding from him, which was concerning. I wasn’t sure how I’d once more avoid making those revelations while also insisting on the thorough interrogation that I needed to make of him.
When we reached the edge of the forest, my friend motioned for me to continue without him, staying behind to have a word with Oswin. Whatever he said to the man left him in place while Raimie joined me where I was standing, deeper beneath the trees’ canopy, which was good. Considering how attached Oswin had become to my friend, I hadn’t known how to approach the topic we needed to discuss without endangering him.
“What do you think?” Raimie asked as he came closer. “Could we begin our ambush from here, or should it be further up the hill?”
“A little further up,” I said. “The trees are more densely packed there, which will make it easier to conceal so many people.”
With his hands on his hips, Raimie surveyed our surroundings.
“Yeah, that makes sense,” he breathed. “Hell, getting everything into place will be a pain.”
After turning full circle, he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Well?”
Sighing, I said, “I know what you want to ask me about. I can’t talk about it, Raimie.”
“So, I was right,” he said. “You’re hiding something from me.”
Gods, he’d sounded so detached while saying that, and hearing it, I winced.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have avoided this,” I said, “but I’ve kept this secret close to heart for so long and talking about it has been so dangerous in the past that even acknowledging it exists is…”
Blowing out a breath, I hugged myself.
“It’s hard. I look at it, and it’s like an unscalable wall that you might order me to climb. I… I don’t know if I can, whether now or at any point in the future.”
Drawing his eyebrows together, Raimie frowned.
“All right…” he drawled before cocking his head.
Shit. I’d been right, if not about the topic that I'd been considering at the time. All good things ended, including this friendship. Raimie wouldn’t be able to handle me keeping secrets from him, as had happened with so many other people, and he’d reject me because of it. Knowing him, he’d be polite with this, but I’d know what it was. I couldn’t hear those words.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I blurted out. “I know how uncomfortable I make people. It’s fine if you want me to leave you alone for a while.”
To my great surprise, this made Raimie snort before he burst into laughter. It was so loud and intense that he stumbled sideways to support himself, and in the distance, Oswin glanced at us, as if to ensure that everything was all right.
I could only stare as this fit ran its course. Had I said something funny?
Eventually, Raimie collected himself, wiping his eyes as he gasped.
“You were right before when you commented on how similar we are, months ago,” he said. “I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve parroted something nearly identical to what you just said in the past.”
What was that supposed to mean?
Glancing at me, Raimie snorted once more.
“What I’m saying is that I understand where you’re coming from, and it’s ok,” he said. “I don’t have to know everything about you, Rhy, but you can’t expect me to read your mind. You want me to stop poking at one of your secrets? You have to tell me that. Otherwise, I won’t know to quit it.”
…Oh. Um…
“Please, stop poking at this secret, then,” I said. “When I’m ready to share, if that time ever comes, I’ll tell you.”
I couldn’t stop myself from voicing that as a question. After all, I couldn’t believe that Raimie meant what he’d said, but he just nodded at me with only seriousness on his face.
“In that case, it’s settled. I won’t bring it up again,” he said, “but that’s not why we’re out here, is it? What did you want to talk about?”
He was serious. Hell. Raimie actually meant to give me space with this. That was…
“Gods, you trust me too much,” I said under my breath.
With a frown, Raimie said, “Sorry. What was that?”
And I had to wave off the inquiry. I had to get control again, not that I blamed myself for losing it. With the way my life had been, it didn’t come as a surprise that other people’s kindness could shock me so badly.
Given Raimie’s reaction, though, maybe I could tell him this secret, if not now. He was already in mortal danger from the consequences of my past actions, taken to save his life. What was one more drop added to that vast lake?
Like I’d said, though. Not now.
“I wanted to ask about your splinter, actually,” I said. “You may already know this, but we primeancers can keep tabs on each other through reports, relayed by our splinters, and while I was away, that’s how I kept track of you. I apologize if that overstepped your boundaries, but with us being in Auden now, I was worried.”
Having pulled away, Raimie had his nose wrinkled.
“That is disconcerting, yes, but I can understand it,” he said. “Just… next time, let me know you’re doing it beforehand. Ok?”
“I can do that,” I said with a smile, “but the reason I’m bringing it up now is because in the last week, my updates on you went through a brief hiccup. I was hoping to talk about that, either with you or Bright, if they’re willing.”
“Ah.”
Raimie turned inward, which made me wonder. Did he already know what I’d been referencing? I’d thought he might be in the dark about it.
He chewed on his lip for a while before vaguely gesturing at me.
“We can talk about… that, if you want, but I’m not sure how much good it will do,” he said. “I don’t know what happened. Neither does Bright, I don’t think, but we should ask them about it instead of speculating.”
So, he did know what I’d meant! Interesting.
At Raimie’s wave, a new figure joined us, someone so nondescript that I had trouble focusing on them, and I quirked an eyebrow. Was this change in appearance because of their temporary destruction or because Raimie had gotten sick of looking at a copy of his face?
Clutching at the hem of their tunic, the Ele splinter uncertainly said, “Hello.”
Which threw me off. A being so connected to Ele should act haughty and full of themselves, not like this.
So, I turned to Raimie.
“Why don’t you start by telling me what happened?” I said. “Your splinter can chime in when they deem it appropriate.”
“Ok. That makes sense,” Raimie said.
Blowing a strand of hair out of his eyes, he stalked to a tree so he could lean against it with his arms crossed.
“You remember how Teron attacked the fleet’s flagship and slit my throat, yes?” he said.
“Unfortunately,” I said. “Keeping you alive was a near thing.”
For a moment, Raimie eyed me with an unreadable expression in place, making me wonder what he was thinking, but soon enough, he moved on.
“Well, the bastard had a massive sword with him at the time. Dim said it’s called Lighteater? I don’t know what to think of having so many named swords in my life, but that’s a subject for another time,” he said. “Teron stabbed Bright, which shattered them. I know how unbelievable that sounds-”
“How in the void did that happen?” I muttered.
When Raimie frowned at me, I grimaced.
“Sorry. What you’re saying makes perfect sense, mechanically. I know what Lighteater can do to an Ele splinter,” I said, “but I find it hard to believe that Bright let themselves get hit like that. Just touching an Ele splinter can be close to impossible at times.”
When Raimie and I turned our gazes on Bright, they shuffled in place.
“I was distracted, if you must know,” they said, “which is perfectly understandable, given that Raimie had just…”
Trailing off, they licked their lips before holding my gaze with a fierce intensity.
“Rhylix. He resonated with the whole.”
My mouth dropped open. I knew this had happened, but I couldn’t reverse it as I processed what I’d heard.
“What?” I eventually said. “I thought that was…”
“An exceptionally rare ability?” Bright finished for me. “It is. Even still, Raimie can do it. That’s not the most unbelievable part of this story, though.”
Before I could respond, Raimie lifted a hand.
“Wait. What's ‘resonating with the whole’?”
Right. We had a relatively uneducated primeancer with us.
“That’s a difficult concept to explain,” I said. “Resonating with the whole is when a person… aligns, is the best way to put it, with the essences of Ele and Daevetch, respectively. When someone does that strongly enough, it can have unpredictable consequences in the physical world.”
Instead of looking confused as I’d expected, comprehension dawned on Raimie’s face.
“And that’s what caused those strange things on the ship?” he asked Bright.
The Ele splinter hesitantly nodded, which had Raimie tapping on his lips.
“Interesting. I wonder if I could do it again.”
Clicking their tongue, Bright said, “How about we return our focus to the story instead of considering such an unlikely possibility?”
There was a glimpse of what I’d expected from a splinter like them. For some reason, this example of normalcy relieved me.
“Fine,” Raimie said with tight lips. “Where was I?”
“Teron destroyed Bright,” I said.
Which begged the question of how they were standing in front of us right now, but I supposed we’d get to that soon.
“So, after that, you saved my ass again, Ren attacked us, and I sent you running because you’d been injured,” Raimie said.
When he glanced at me, I was certain he’d break his word and ask how I’d so quickly recovered from a debilitating wound, but instead, he moved on without comment.
“Once you’d gone, Ren and I fought, although it quickly became apparent that I was outclassed,” he said. “Hell, she’s fierce in combat.”
“That she is,” I said, chuckling at the faraway look in my friend’s eye.
With a pointed glare, Raimie said, “Anyway. I ran away from her or tried to. She caught up with me, and in my desperation to escape, I called out for Bright. Perhaps I instinctively reached for them as a source to Ele. I’m not sure, but whatever the case, they came when I called, briefly flashing into being.”
When I moved to ask Bright for confirmation of this impossibility, they were scowling at Raimie.
“I don’t remember that,” they said.
Shrugging, Raimie said, “And yet, that’s what happened. It’s what got Ren to back off, and I saw neither hide nor hair of you for about a day. It was like you died again.”
Bright wrinkled their nose.
“I am a piece of Order, a splinter of an all-powerful whole,” they said. “I don’t just up and… die.”
“Whatever you say,” Raimie said with an eyeroll. “What matters is that after about a day, Oswin came looking for me, hoping I’d fix a problem for him. He led me to where I’ve been sleeping recently, and there, we found Bright, pacing and acting quite unlike themselves.”
“Hang on,” I interrupted. “How did Oswin know to find you for this problem?”
“That’s right! I didn’t tell you.”
Shifting against the tree, Raimie shot a cautious grin at me.
“Oswin knows I’m a primeancer, him and a few other soldiers.”
Instantly, I jerked toward the mentioned man, reaching for Ele. I wasn’t sure how I’d fix this breach in my ally’s security, but it needed to happen.
“How does he know this?” I growled.
And… why hadn’t he tried to kill Raimie yet?
“That’s the other thing I forgot to mention,” Raimie said. “Oswin’s a spy. Until recently, he was the Middle of Queen Kaedesa’s Hand.”
That…
“Makes a lot of sense, actually,” I said. “It would explain how often he’s snuck up on me. I’ll need to watch out for him in the future.”
And if he was an accomplished enough spy that he’d been a part of Hand, he could have assassinated Raimie a thousand times over by now. Why hadn’t he?
At my pointed glance, my friend shrugged.
“I truly have no idea,” he said. “He and the others seem to consider my primeancy as an asset, oddly enough.”
Ah.
“That fits for one such as him,” I said.
Slowly, I relaxed before raising an eyebrow at Raimie.
“Well? Will you continue with your tale or not?”
Best not to consider how quickly this secret was leaking. I wasn’t looking forward to what would happen once it was common knowledge, something that was soon to come if history was anything to go by.
Snorting, Raimie shook his head.
“There’s not much more to the story,” he said. “When we got to Bright, they were shattered into pieces, and I put them back together. I’m not sure how to describe what I did, though.”
“Try anyway?” I suggested.
So, Raimie did, and by the end of his explanation, I was more confused than I had been before. When I looked to Bright for clarification, they lost their newly regained self-assuredness, fixing their eyes on the forest floor.
“I don’t have much to add,” they said. “For me, I went from an excruciating moment of destruction to addled existence. I was again where I was supposed to be—with my human—but then, something unknown overcame me. I’m still struggling with it.”
I had my own ideas about what that might be. What happened to any being when a firm sense of security was ripped away from them?
“If you like, I could ask Dim for their perspective on this,” Raimie said. “They were there too, you know.”
After exchanging a glance, Bright and I both drawled, “No…”
“I don’t think that’s wise,” the splinter continued.
Why did they look embarrassed by the idea?
“All right, then. There you have it, Rhy. A long-winded answer to your question,” Raimie said. “Was there anything else, or can I get back to battle preparations?”
Excuse me? This kid had just described a phenomenon that had, as far as I was aware, never happened in all of existence, and he wanted to leave it at that? How could he be so unconcerned about this gigantic abnormality?
Then again, he and his army were currently facing certain death right now. It was only fair that that would take precedence.
“No, that’s all,” I said. “Good luck with the ‘cranky elders’, as you put it. Unless you still want me with you, I’ll get started with my own preparations.”
“Sounds good. We’ll talk later, Rhy.”
With a winning smile, Raimie started his return trek.
I let him go with nothing further. We could reexamine how much he’d broken reality later.
Chapter 96: The Night Before
Rhylix
You're the only one I've ever known with the strength to do what's right.
Evening had settled around me and her and our various guests, but despite the glorious sunset painted above us, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her, this woman I loved. She was beautiful and kind and witty, everything I’d ever wanted, and Joining with her would be the greatest privilege of my life.
When we breathed each other in, we became one in mind and soul, a glory I’d ever be eager to repeat, but soon enough, the Join broke, returning me to a singular existence. Despite this loss, I smiled. I still had her, after all.
That smile quickly flattened when I opened my eyes. Her body was utterly broken, leaving me unsure of how she was still standing, and as if prompted by the thought, she collapsed into a pool of blood, one that expanded until it had risen over my head.
I swam in this viscous liquid, recoiling from its awful warmth, and around me, the shadows of familiar forms flickered in and out of view. It was a host of my dead: my family and every loved one, and on recognizing them, a question howled through me.
WHY COULDN’T I SAVE THEM?
My sister floated into view with her black hair drifting around her drained-white face, and as she opened her mouth, I cringed in anticipation of the accusation that she’d surely hurl at me.
“Rhylix,” she said before pausing. “Healer! Wake up! You’re—”
“—needed.”
Gasping, I shot upright, clutching at my chest. A dream. It had only been a dream.
Why did my nightmares still affect me like this?
“Are you all right? You were thrashing something fierce.”
Rapidly blinking, I looked up into the concerned face of Chela. The Eselan healer was leaning on her knees with her head cocked, and in answer to her question, I wearily nodded.
“Just a bad dream,” I croaked. “You said I was needed?”
Damn, speaking hurt. Had I been screaming during this one?
Straightening, Chela doubtfully eyed me, but she didn’t pry further.
“Um. Raimie… the king… he asked for you,” she said.
“I see.”
That Raimie had given in to his rightful place still caught me off guard at times. If Chela’s fumbling with words was any example to go off of, uncertainty about his status seemed fairly common among the others as well.
“Where is he?” I asked.
“I’ll take you to him,” Chela said.
We found him much deeper in the woods than the rest of the army. Nestled among the roots of a massive tree, Raimie had several pieces of parchment spread in front of him, hovering over them with his fingers spread and Silverblade in his lap. Not an unusual sight when coming upon a commander on the night before his first battle.
The young woman lounging at his side, casually chatting, was different, though.
Chela made her farewell of me, and I slowly approached the two, watching them. Raimie muttered something, glancing at Ren with a smile tugging on his lips, and throwing her head back, she laughed, such a contrast to the silently restless slumber of the soldiers behind me.
Damn. She liked him. Well and truly liked him.
That could end in disaster if not handled carefully.
As I came closer, Raimie tiredly smiled at me.
“Rhy. I’m glad Chela found you.”
He leaned over his spread of parchment, quickly getting absorbed in it once more.
“Figured you’d want to know that your sister’s here,” he said. “She has news.”
He’d sounded exhausted, not that I could blame him. In the last two days, none of us, least of all him, had gotten much sleep, too busy getting ready to indulge in rest.
In contrast, my sister looked vibrant, even with an ugly look spread across her face. She was in a bad mood. That wasn’t my fault, was it?
“I was just telling Raimie about my efforts with Dury,” she said. “There was no way in hell that he’d provide more troops or supplies to aid your cause, but Raimie and I both hoped he’d at least offer refuge to people in need.”
“I’m guessing from your presence that he gave you an answer about that?” I said.
In the dim light of a nearby lantern, I watched Ren’s face darken with a sigh. In this case, expecting compassion from Tanwadur had been too much to ask for.
“His exact words were, ‘You can tell them to go to hell’,” Ren said.
Apparently having already heard this, Raimie barely reacted, only tightening his lips, but I knew how much this rejection had crushed him. He’d always desperately wanted to protect his people, seeming to need nothing more at times, and knowing this, I couldn’t help myself.
“I’m sorry, Ren,” I said. “I know Tanwadur’s your father, but he’s a selfish, judgmental, small-minded asshole.”
He’d condemn thousands of people to death, just because he hated their leader!
Biting her lip, Ren nodded acceptance of what I’d said while beside her, Raimie rearranged his pieces of parchment, content to ignore my outburst.
“Thank you for delivering the news, no matter how bad it was,” he said.
Ren and I stared at him for long enough that he shook himself. With a tremulous smile, he joined me on my feet.
“And of course, thank you for everything else you’ve done. Perhaps if my people and I survive tomorrow, we can further build on that effort. I’d love to see an alliance form between us,” he said.
Then, he performed the most graceful bow, which dropped Ren’s mouth open.
Holding the uncomfortable position, Raimie continued, “If there’s nothing else, you should head home. I have many tasks to finish tonight, and you need to be safe behind Tiro’s walls. On the off chance that I get some sleep tonight, I wouldn’t rest easy if you placed yourself in danger for something that’s not your fight.”
Snapping her mouth closed, Ren leapt to her feet before shoving a finger in my friend’s face.
“I’ll decide what is and isn’t my fight, thank you very much,” she snapped.
Sighing, Raimie folded to the ground again.
“You’re right,” he said, “and I’d never think to stand in the way of any decision you might make.”
Wait a minute.
“Raimie…” I muttered.
He’d better not be encouraging my sister to participate in something that was tantamount to suicide. Ren was wonderfully capable, and like Raimie, I’d never tell her what to do, but joining forces with us made no sense for her. She had no stake in this fight.
When she turned her ire on me, however, I found myself reassessing that belief.
“You were saying?” she hissed.
I raised my hands to calm her down while below us, Raimie clicked his tongue.
“If Ren were to join our fight tomorrow, it would mostly be in a last-ditch attempt to gain us Tiro’s aid,” he said. “She may love you, Rhy, but from what I’ve seen, she’s also entirely Audish. She won’t throw her life away for nothing.”
With a yawn, Raimie rubbed his eyes, missing how red Ren’s face had gone. I wasn’t sure if that was due to irritation or something else.
“If you want to help, you can stick to the fringes of the fight and cast illusions among the enemy to confuse them,” he continued before frowning. “But there I go again, being rude and assuming you can use magic. I’m sorry, Ren.”
He looked up at her so pleadingly, and for a moment, my sister choked on herself. Soon enough, though, she cleared her throat.
“There’s no need to apologize,” she said, “and I can play distraction. It’s a good idea.”
“Thanks,” Raimie said with a smile. “Let’s hope my other plans are just as good.”
He returned his attention to his work, and when Ren didn’t move, I nudged her.
“Why don’t you find somewhere to bed down?” I said. “I’ll catch up with you before you fall asleep, and you can ask whatever questions you might have.”
“Sounds… good.”
Hell, she’d sounded dazed.
“Good night, you two.”
With nothing else, my sister trudged away, leaving me alone with Raimie, and resting my hands on my hips, I watched him work for a good minute.
“You know you can’t think of everything, right?” I eventually said.
“I have to try.”
Another thirty seconds passed with nothing to fill it but the wind, rustling the leaves.
“Are you planning on sleeping tonight?” I asked.
When Raimie didn’t deign to reply, I breathed out through my nose, crouching opposite my friend. I looked at this contradictory mess of a man—too noble toward those in his care, too understanding toward those he called friend, too absolutely thick-headed to think about his own needs—and a decision I’d never been aware of pondering was made.
Damn the possible consequences. Lifting a hand, I placed a finger on Raimie’s forehead, and as I had with his hands so long ago, I Let Go. As a wave of exhaustion washed through me, Raimie reared back, crashing into the tree’s trunk with a hand slapped to his head.
“The fuck was that?” he asked. “I’m…”
Pausing, he lowered his hand to examine it.
“I’m not tired anymore.”
“No. You’re not,” I sighed, “and before you ask, I won’t explain now.”
Keeping his promise to give me space strained Raimie this time, clearly biting his tongue as he was, and oh, if his restraint didn’t warm me.
“But,” I said, lifting a finger, “I will tell you everything, every secret I’ve hidden and every mystery you’ve wondered about, once the battle’s over tomorrow.”
Pursing his lips, Raimie narrowed his eyes.
“If we survive it,” he said.
With a laugh, I said, “Yes. We’ll have to do that first.”
Slapping my knees, I rose to my full height.
“Good night, Raimie. Please, get some rest.”
But then, I left him to his worry, hoping the promise of resolution that I’d provided might help him in some way.
Chapter 97: Unexpected Complications
Rhylix
Ever your friend,
Arivor
The next day dawned clear and beautiful. Any other day, I might have run through weapons drills, anticipating a pleasant morning once I was finished. Today, I watched enemy soldiers march down a slope toward my allies.
Behind me, someone crashed through the forest, which made me wince. The enemy wouldn’t hear their minimal noise over the sound of their advance, and my new companion was trying to be stealthy, but still. Their efforts pained me.
When Raimie lowered himself to the forest floor beside me, it only made me cringe harder. Apparently, I should add stealth lessons to everything else I was teaching him.
That was provided we survived today, of course.
Then, Oswin stepped into view on my other side, again having managed to sneak up on me, and I chuckled to myself. Maybe he could take that slew of lessons off my plate.
“How’s it going?” Raimie whispered.
Wrinkling my nose at the unnecessary noise, I glanced at my friend.
“As expected,” I said. “You’re not wearing armor?”
Flashing a smile, Raimie said, “What? You don’t like the uniform?”
He picked at its sleeve before turning serious.
“From what I understand about a certain ability, I thought armor would only slow me down, and I’ll need speed today,” he said. “Plus, I don’t see you wearing any.”
“I don’t need it,” I absently said. “Are you sure using… that ability is a good idea?”
When I glanced at Oswin, curious if he was listening, I found him coldly smiling at me, which was odd. Had I angered him in some way?
“Rhy, we’re likely to die today,” Raimie said. “By the time this is done, no one will care what I am.”
“Fair point,” I said.
Like he’d said, his identity as a primeancer wouldn’t matter if he was dead, and on the off-chance that we achieved victory today, his efforts to guide us toward it would negate anyone’s murderous desires toward him, at least for a time.
Toward me, on the other hand…
“You’ll have to be careful, as usual,” Creation said above me.
I shot a glare at them, but that was all the attention that I could spare for them now. Something about the advancing enemy had caught my eye.
A while ago, I’d noticed that their size was smaller than projected, which had seemed fortuitous at first. As they’d approached the cliffs, though, our people’s archers had started raining arrows on them, and this had raised some concern.
Getting to my knees, I shifted my eyes to resemble an eagle’s, scanning the enemy soldiers, and failed to see lines of black painted under their skin. When an arrow took a soldier in the neck, bringing her down, she failed to rise, which had me cursing under my breath.
“Something wrong?” Oswin drawled.
I didn’t have time to address the hostility found in his voice. Focusing on Raimie, I pointed at the enemy.
“They’re not Kiraak,” I said. “They’re Conscripted, normal people who were forced into service for this fight.”
Rapidly blinking, Raimie said, “All right. That’s unexpected, but it works in our favor, right?”
“Except for that unit is much smaller than one with nine thousand in it. Shit,” Oswin said. “I was just wondering about that.”
Huh. I didn’t know why Oswin’s insight had surprised me. He was a spy for a godsdamn reason.
“Exactly right,” I said. “Teron’s probably using this Conscripted unit to test your ruse. Once the people on the beach retreat, forcing us into a charge, he’ll send in the Kiraak that he’s held in reserve.”
Raimie went pale and still.
“Fuck,” he said with his lips barely moving.
I caught the briefest glimpse of a pained look spreading across his face before he vigorously rubbed his face, and this told me exactly what he’d say next.
Not that he’d have much choice with it. If this plan was to maintain the slightest chance of success, we only had one course of action available to us.
He looked up at me, almost as if to beg for my forgiveness, but all I could do was nod, encouraging him to continue.
“If this is so, then our plan must change,” he said. “Those volunteers on the beach will have to stand their ground, holding until Teron believes that no one is coming to their rescue. The rest of us can only relieve them once he orders the Kiraak forward.”
“Yes,” I softly said.
Beside us, Oswin had gone stiff, looking between us, but fortunately, he chose not to interrupt.
“I need someone to carry the order,” Raimie said.
“You know I’ll do it,” I replied.
“You don’t have to stay with them once it’s done.”
“You know I will.”
As Raimie stared at me, I itched to get going—gods, we were approaching a point of no return—but he had to ask me to do this. He had to truly understand everything that was coming for him if we continued down this path.
Squeezing his eyes closed, Raimie turned away for a moment, taking a few shallow breaths, and when he turned that blue gaze on me again, my friend was gone. Before me, I saw a king, one I’d follow to my dying breath.
“You’re to hold the line until the Kiraak join the fray, after which you’re to retreat,” he said. “None of you is to needlessly waste your lives. Once the trap closes, you’ll fall back along the coast, and after you reach the forest, lose yourselves in it. We’ll regroup once the last enemy has fallen.”
And now, he knew.
With the Conscripted unit halfway to our volunteers, there was no more time to waste, so despite how many witnesses were nearby, I pulled an Ele bubble around myself while drawing more of that energy to my feet.
“Thank you, my friend,” Raimie whispered.
And I was gone. With Ele at my disposal, outpacing the Conscripted unit was easy. Even still, I arrived at the volunteer’s camp with hardly any time to spare. Having already ‘roused’ from slumber, they’d formed into ranks, and as I hurried the last stretch to them via mundane means, someone raised a shout.
“New orders from the king!” I bellowed before they could get too agitated.
While on the way here, I’d modified my vocal cords, so my voice carried far, quickly garnering the volunteers’ attention. Stopping in front of them, I stood at parade rest with my arms folded behind my back.
“I have been tasked with helping you hold a nearby position as retreat is no longer an option,” I shouted. “While I’d love to explain the reasoning for this, we simply don’t have the time. Anyone who can’t obey orders should leave. Now. Otherwise, follow me to the cliffs. If we hurry, we can form up before the battle’s joined.”
It wasn’t an inspiring speech, but as I’d said, there was no time. If we were lucky, they’d get one after we’d moved.
Turning on my heel, I flat-out sprinted for the cliffs. Putting our backs to them would undeniably get us surrounded, but it would also limit the fronts we’d have to handle. Plus, if this didn’t end up being a suicide maneuver, I had other means of getting us out of a trap.
“Do you think this is wise?” Creation asked from ahead. “What if no one follows you? You may be powerful, but you can’t hold off that many, not for long enough anyway.”
Eyeing them, I said, “I’m not changing my mind. Will you overrule my decision?”
For a moment, Creation looked torn before sighing.
“Not this time,” they said. “Will you expose yourself? If you do, your companions will string you up after the battle.”
“If I don’t, I’ll die now,” I said. “I’d rather delay death for as long as possible, if you don’t mind.”
Creation had nothing else, and when I reached the cliffs, I spun around, assessing what I had to work with.
Shockingly, most of the volunteers had trailed behind me, leaving me with thirteen hundred at a rough guess. In a strange mix of haste and discipline, they formed up in a semi-circle with the ends touching the cliffs. It was done so quickly that I ended up having time for that speech.
Pacing in front of the volunteers, I shouted, “You have one job: to survive. If you can’t avoid death in the coming quarter-mark, I expect you to take at least one of those bastards with you. Fight dirty. Use everything at your disposal, and forget about honor. In this way, you serve your king. The longer we fight here, the more we defang the trap that he will eventually lead our comrades into.”
Pausing, I took a deep breath, noting how tightly Creation had drawn their shoulders together. Was this really a good idea?
Did I have another choice?
“I will distract them as best I can,” I shouted, “and I can already hear what you now want to ask. ‘How will he do that?’ It’s a valid question. In answer, I’d ask you another one. Do you know what this is?”
Lifting a hand, I pulled Ele to it, and the reaction to its flash was immediate. People drew away from me with their lips pulled always from their teeth.
“That’s right. I’m an Ele primeancer,” I shouted, “but before you run me through, I’d ask you to consider everything you’ve heard about my kind. With that in mind, remember that I am on your side, and I will do my utmost to keep you alive. Do you want me dead now or after the battle’s over?”
I gave them a moment to think about that before continuing.
“That’s the plan. I’ll distract them as much as I can, and you’ll kill any that get past me. If we last for long enough, we’ll have a chance to retreat, and when that happens, you follow me. I’ll make us a hole.”
I held as many of their gazes as I could before facing the enemy, and as I did, I half-expected someone from my side to end my life. Instead, I continued breathing, watching the Conscripted close on us until they could see me.
Then, I again lifted my hand overhead, shooting a stream of Ele into the sky. With a shiver running through the enemy line, it shifted to converge on my position, and I drew my weapons.
“You and your fool plans will be the death of me someday,” Creation said.
With a swing of my sword, I settled into a ready stance.
“Is that possible without Lighteater around?” I asked.
Clicking their tongue, Creation said, “You know what I mean.”
I just chuckled at that. With the enemy nearly in range, Creation joined my position.
“Here we go again.”
Spraying Ele in front of me, I charged into the Conscripted with a howl.
Chapter 98: Battle on the Beach, Part One
Raimie, Rhylix
Raimie
Why had I ordered my friend to do something that would almost certainly get him killed?
In the moments before my portion of the battle was joined, this question rattled around in my head, and I couldn’t shake it loose. Did I not care about Rhylix? Why would I be so callous with his life? He was my friend, right?
Into this whirl, a thought, one that felt foreign to me, swirled.
You did the right thing.
Scowling, I tried to figure out where that had come from. What-?
“Well, that’s surprising,” Oswin said.
He had his eyes fixed on the beach, and with his words’ help, I muddled my way back to clarity. The Conscripted and my people had commenced their fight, and in the middle of this, Rhylix was putting on a brilliant display.
I couldn’t see much of it—the fight was too far distant and he kept getting buried by the enemy—but what I could see made my jaw drop.
Because he was using primeancy. Blatantly.
“The hell is he doing?” I said, mostly to myself.
I already knew the answer to that question, of course. Rhylix was doing what he must to survive, something that would likely be required from me in the coming hour.
How horrible was I, feeling relieved that I hadn’t been the first to reveal my magic?
“With how much time you two have spent together, his primeancy makes sense,” Oswin said. “Still, I’m surprised he kept it from me.”
That was right. He hadn’t known this secret, although I found that strange. When it came to his primeancy, Rhylix hadn’t been any more secretive with it than me, but then, Oswin hadn’t been paying nearly as much attention to him as he had to me.
Since he hadn’t known, though, I was curious. How would he respond to this revelation?
When I glanced at Oswin, he raised an eyebrow.
“What? You expect me to be frothing at the mouth or something?” he said. “I’ve been around one particular primeancer long enough to know that you’re not like the ones in the old tales. I won’t make a fuss.”
Hmm. That was a decent reaction. Hopefully, it would be the baseline for when my turn came.
I couldn’t help my warm smile as I said.
“Will you be as understanding when I inevitably follow Rhy’s example?”
With his face souring, Oswin said, “Yes, even if it’ll make protecting you all the more difficult.”
I had to laugh at that, even if I kept it quiet. We were trying to stay hidden, after all.
Turning to the battle, I chewed on my lip, watching my people fall. They were doing better than I’d expected, but even still, the odds they were up against would lead only to a gradual slaughter. I abhorred every moment I sat here, delaying their rescue.
When would Teron order the rest of his army to attack? Damn his rightful suspicion of my trap.
“Did you know?”
Wincing at that restrained shout, I twisted toward Marcuset, who was advancing on me with his hands curled into fists at his sides. Oswin rested his hand on his sword, making to step in front of me, but I waved him back.
“Know what?” I said. “Also, if you mean to accuse me of something primeancy related, you’d better hurry it up. Eledis and the others are coming.”
Drawing even with me, Marcuset acted as if he hadn’t heard me.
“Did you know what he is?” he said.
Raising my eyebrows, I said, “What do you think? You know, for how accepting you’ve been of me, you’re acting rather out of proportion when it comes to Rhy.”
Marcuset didn’t get a chance to respond because at that moment, Gistrick stopped beside us, leaning on his knees to catch his breath.
Pointing toward the distant battle, he gasped, “You need to… order the charge. I don’t know what that traitor is doing… but if we’re to salvage this-”
“Rhy’s acting on my orders,” I interrupted.
By this point, Eledis and my father had joined us, and as one, they stared at me, although Marcuset took a step back with color draining from his cheeks.
“What did you say?” he breathed.
“You heard me,” I say. “Circumstances changed. I had to adjust the plan, and Rhy volunteered to face certain death so he could deliver my orders. He’s not a traitor.”
With his eyes as wide as saucers, Marcuset whispered, “Why would you condemn all of those people…?”
It seemed someone’s faith in me wasn’t as unshakable as he’d believed. Gistrick didn’t have that problem.
Turning to the others, he said, “We should take charge of this situation now. We can still win this if we order the charge-”
“You will do no such thing,” I said, barreling over him. “We will not waste those peoples’ sacrifice. We will wait.”
Snarling, Gistrick rounded on me, getting in my face.
“For what?” he snarled.
In the most impeccably lucky timing I’d ever experienced, the roar of many voices washed over us in that moment, and my companions jerked toward the rise of the distant hill. Within a few heartbeats, the rest of the enemy army started pouring over it, although a space at the top had been cleared for a solitary figure.
Teron, the man who’d chased me across a kingdom and the murderer of countless innocents, stood at the apex of that rise. How I wished I could reach across the distance and cut him down.
He wasn’t the priority right now, though.
“Gentlemen! What we were waiting for,” I said, gesturing toward the enemy. “Oswin?”
With his sword already drawn, the spy said, “Ready, sir.”
Ignoring the others around me, I pulled my pistol out of its holster, tapping its muzzle against my leg while I watched the enemy charge. As soon as I’d deemed them committed enough, I raised the weapon overhead before once more turning my attention on a group of shocked people.
“In answer to your question, Marcuset, yes. Rhy is my friend. Of course I knew that he’s a primeancer. I’ve known since Paft.”
Interestingly, of the four who’d been unaware of this, Gistrick was the only one to react.
Pulling back, he said, “What? Why didn’t you tell someone?”
At that, I struggled to keep from looking down my nose at him.
“Besides the fact that Rhy’s my friend, you mean?” I said. “That’s simple, really.”
Gods, what was I doing? I should give the signal to charge. I shouldn’t delay like this, and I most certainly shouldn’t reveal any deadly secrets to the people who would be directing the battle right before it was joined.
Even knowing this, I’d speak anyway. Perhaps anger at their reaction to Rhylix was guiding me. Perhaps it was something else. It didn’t matter.
With a fierce grin, I plunged into one of the most dangerous things I’d done in my life.
“I didn’t tell anyone that Rhy’s a primeancer because I’m one too.”
Hell… those shocked expressions.
With an uproarious laugh, I squeezed my pistol’s trigger, and its bang was soon echoed by several more from the cannons in the trees. Destruction carved through the enemy army, sending a hiccup through their pell-mell sprint, and spinning to Oswin, I cut off a manic giggle.
“Keep up as best you can,” I shouted.
Pulling Ele to me, I joined my people in our race to finish what the cannons had started, leaving a host of new problems behind me.
Rhylix
Something hot sliced through the meat of my knee, and without thought, I snapped off the fletching of the arrow in it. If not treated soon, that could be problematic, leaving me crippled, but I didn’t have time for that now, catching the axe falling on my face with my dagger instead.
Fortunately, the woman behind the strike hadn’t thought to defend her legs. When she’d seen me bending for the arrow, she’d probably also seen it as an opening, which was unlucky for her. I hacked at her thigh, and while she collapsed, I scrambled away from her.
As I did, Ele jetted over my head, sending a teenager soaring over his comrades’ heads, but I didn’t stop to thank Creation, as each of these violent engagements had fallen beneath my awareness. I was enmeshed in a song hidden beneath the world’s veil, one that almost no one else could hear.
The Conscripted danced to Destruction’s beat. Every intercepted strike was a chord in the song with every ignored feint an added tone in their melody’s dissonance.
Meanwhile, I clung to Preservation’s harmony, both for myself and the volunteers behind me. Adhering to that strain of music, I disabled my enemy, bruised and disoriented them, and when possible, bodily flung them away. To end an opponent’s life wouldn’t fit with my portion of the song, and so, I never attempted it.
At some point, I caught sight of a volunteer falling without her head, and Preservation’s harmony hitched, which I couldn’t allow. Gritting my teeth, I forced it to resume.
And this was how it went.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before a cracking boom disrupted the song’s beat. Disoriented, I barely dodged the sword heading for my stomach, lopping off its owner’s hand once the danger had passed.
Had that been what I thought it was?
Pulling Ele to me, I jumped into the air while shooting that energy through my feet, and thus, I rose high above my enemies’ heads. What I saw there confirmed my suspicions. A swarm of allied soldiers was spilling out of the forest to flank an advancing Kiraak horde.
Time to get out of here.
“Are you sure about this?” Creation panted beside me. “It’ll be a huge expenditure. Will cost you dearly.”
“These people are worth it.”
When Creation nodded at me, I could swear a smile was twisting their lips, which… what? Had I done something to please them for once?
I couldn’t ponder this for long, though.
“Retreat!” I shouted.
The order got carried through the volunteers’ ranks, and as it spread, I made a running leap, aided by Ele, into the enemy’s midst. Landing with a crack, I tore the floodgate over my source open…
…and Ele pulsed from me in a series of tidal waves. The force of it flung the Conscripted away from me as if they were driftwood, clearing a path through them, but for the volunteers to take advantage of it, I had to stop this outpouring of a primal force through the gateway that was me.
Unfortunately, I was having trouble with that at the moment. Any time I tried to close my source, Ele batted my efforts aside, as if I were a fly, and for a terrifying instant… or perhaps an eternity, I was afraid that the primal force would flow through me until it had drained itself, leaving only Daevetch at the bedrock of reality.
Then, I heard a much-loved voice.
“Rhy!”
Opposite me, my sister pushed into the gale of Ele.
“Rhy, come on!” she shouted. “You’re stronger than it. Isn’t that what you’ve always said?”
What was she doing here?
With a frown, I slammed the floodgate closed. What the hell had that been? I couldn’t lose control like that, not in such a devastating way.
As the volunteers sprinted past me, trampling the fallen Conscripted in their haste, Creation dropped to the ground. Painting, they craned their head up to me.
“That was a close one,” they said.
“Mm.”
I had no other comment, too preoccupied with scanning my surroundings. While most of the volunteers had turned tail for the safety of the forest, as they’d been ordered to do, some had split off to enter a newly joined battle.
The main force of both armies had clashed further up the beach. For the moment, my allies had the upper hand, due in large part to the surprise of their ambush, but I knew how quickly that would change. I should lend them my aid.
I’d taken a step to do that when Ren slipped in front of me.
“What are you doing?” she hissed. “Leading this suicide mission. Revealing your secret. Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “No. I was about to go help Raimie.”
I brushed past her, calling over my shoulder as I did.
“What are you doing? You were supposed to stick to the sidelines, on the off chance that Tanwadur changed his mind about helping us. That hasn’t happened, obviously, so why are you still here? You should get somewhere safe, preferably before these Conscripted recover.”
Most of them seemed to have lost consciousness from the blast, but a few were stumbling to their feet. Ren paid them no mind, snatching my hand to stop me instead.
“I’m not leaving you here,” she said. “Come with me. Let’s survive this together.”
Sighing, I glanced at my sister from the corner of my eye.
“I won’t abandon Raimie,” I said.
“But-”
I lifted a hand to stop her.
“I can’t. Not only is he my ally, but he’s also my friend, and I… I have always been devoted to my friends,” I said. “Go home. Years ago, I left you on a battlefield, certain you would die. Now, it’s your turn. Please, Ren. Help the people I’ve saved. Keep them safe, but don’t stay here.”
After a moment, Ren swallowed, slowly nodding.
“All right,” she said, “but don’t you dare actually die. If you do, I will never, ever forgive you.”
With a smile, I said, “I can accept that.”
Biting her lip, Ren retreated a few steps before turning on her heel, and as she hurried after the volunteers, I let myself slump.
My sister was safe. Now for my friend.
Eyeing Creation, I said, “Feel like helping me find him?”
Chuckling, the splinter struggled to their feet.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Chapter 99: Battle on the Beach, Part Two
Raimie, Rhylix
Raimie
If I’d learned anything from the battle, it was that Daevetch was incredibly helpful when it came to beheading Kiraak. As I dragged my blade through another neck, Dim cackled beside me, drunk on power, but I couldn’t match their energy level. Already tired, I nearly burst into tears when Bright popped in front of me, sending my next opponent stumbling with a burst of white light.
I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. What I was doing was physically exhausting.
And there was that. I was trying very hard not to think about what I was doing.
If you did not cut them down, they would kill us, came floating through my head.
This stray thought made me hesitate for the briefest moment—sure, I was far distant from the world right now but enough to lose control of my own thoughts?—and this almost got me killed. Something deafening burst on my ears, emphasizing the ringing already in them, and the Kiraak who’d been about to run me through dropped to the ground with a messy hole in his head.
Jerking me behind him, Oswin snapped, “Focus! Sir.”
I was focused enough to realize that if I was to survive this, I’d need respite soon, and so, I scanned the battlefield for an opening into a more cleared space, disarming and dispatching a Kiraak as I did it.
As soon as I found what I sought, I started for it, trusting Oswin to follow me.
“Why are you retreating?” Dim snarled, getting in my face. “Don’t be weak!”
How is surviving weak? I snapped back.
Even as I burst into a patch of relative peace, I stayed on my guard, perfectly aware of the violence all around me. Hell, how could this be real?
“You could draw from me,” Bright said. “My whole could ease your fatigue.”
That would have been handy to know a quarter-hour ago.
Even as I drew Ele to me, though, I stayed in place. Beside me, Oswin took a potshot at a Kiraak who’d been advancing on us, dropping her, but I was more interested in taking advantage of this quiet, identifying where I could best be put to use.
Drawing my own pistol, I shouted, “How are we doing, Oswin?”
During our limited breaks in the fighting, I’d noticed the runners coming and going, so I knew that Gistrick and Marcuset had been delivering reports, despite our disagreement before the battle had started. I hadn’t deigned to ask about them yet, knowing Oswin would inform me of any significant changes.
Really, given my newly accepted position, I should be with the commanders, observing the fight so I could make changes as needed, but despite having first outlined this plan, I only had a few months of book-learning under my belt when it came to military tactics. I’d thought it best to leave managing this battle to more experienced people.
With his eyes roving over the strife around us, Oswin made a face.
“As well as can be expected, sir,” he shouted. “We’re holding our own but…”
But we were severely outnumbered on an open field, and our enemy was composed of nigh invincible soldiers, yes. Clever tactics only went so far in leveling such an uneven playing field. Unless something changed soon, we were probably fucked, but then, I’d known that since Rhylix had returned from Da’kul, bringing news of how prepared Teron had been for us.
I didn’t know what drew my eye to the tree line, but when I saw a distinctive figure dumbly standing in the sparsest patch of cover around him, my stomach dropped through my feet. I ran toward him, hoping the whole time that the soldiers around me wouldn’t think I was abandoning them.
As we worked our way through the melee, Oswin and my splinters kept me alive. I defended myself too, of course, but this was my first time in true combat. The other three were better at seeing the threats I’d never have noticed.
When we reached the figure, I dragged him deeper into the trees.
“The hell are you doing here, Hadrion?” I growled.
With his mouth left gaping, the teenager had eyes only for the battlefield, and I didn’t have the time to indulge his shock. Grabbing his face, I forced him to look at me while lightly slapping his cheeks.
“Hadrion!”
Blinking, Hadrion focused on me.
“Raimie…” he said before shaking himself. “I’m sorry. I came with news, hoping to reach you before the enemy army, but it looks like I was too late.”
His eyes started drifting back toward the battle, so I gently smacked him again.
“Hey!” I said. “What’s the news?”
“Um…” Hadrion dumbly said, licking his lips. “Dury changed his mind. He offers your people refuge in their time of need.”
A way out, one where the killing could stop! Gods, how I wanted it.
I wasn’t sure how to take advantage of it now, though. How did one make an organized retreat when chaos had captured both sides of a fight? I was sure Oswin could help with that.
Still, while Tanwadur’s change of heart was beyond welcome, it had come a little late, although better late than…
Wait.
“My people?” I asked. “He said specifically that?”
Grimacing, Hadrion said, “Unfortunately. From what I understand, if you or your family come near Tiro right now, you’d be shot full of arrows. Dury can only accept helping ‘the people that bastard’s duped’. His words, not mine.
Oh. Oh, if that didn’t hurt, setting me even more adrift than I already had been. Who liked having a breath of hope ripped away from them?
“Ok. Thank you for the news,” I said before addressing Oswin. “We need to get our people into the woods, where they can lose the Kiraak before reconvening at our rendezvous point. After they’ve gathered, Marcuset can lead them in Tiro’s direction, and once they’re close to the city, we’ll have to trust that Tanwadur’s people can get them the rest of the way. Even shaky as that is, though, taking this offer will give our people the greatest chance at survival. It’s best if they accept it.”
“Certainly, sir. I’ll send a few runners to see it done,” Oswin said before hesitating. “And you? Are you…?”
What? Ok?
With a significant glance at the bedlam we’d just left, I said, “You’re really asking that now?”
Turning to Hadrion, I dropped into a shallow bow.
“Again, thank you for bringing me this news,” I said. “You should get home. If you don’t, Ren will kill me. Meanwhile, I have to…”
Trailing off, I frowned. What the hell was I going to do? Find my family and run, obviously, but how would I do that?
Those were questions for the future. For now…
“I have to fight,” I said.
“I’m so sorry, Raimie,” Hadrion said.
Biting his lip, he looked like he’d say something more but only ended up nodding before taking off. Oswin had moved to the side, signaling to a nearby runner. I should probably be more curious about how he was staying in contact with people across the battlefield but… but…
You can do this, came from the depths of me.
I knew I could.
Glancing at Dim, I said, “Not going to protest this retreat?”
Snarling, the splinter snapped their teeth at me.
“Just get back to the fight,” they growled.
Which only made me smile. They would like the utter Chaos we’d found ourselves in.
Once Oswin had returned, we hurried into a struggle for survival once more, and for a while, it was enough to drive the plight of my situation away from me, not to mention the question of how my people would extract from this. Soon enough, though, these concerns were crowding my mind again, making me careless. Thank Alouin for Oswin, my splinters, and Rhylix’s extensive training over the las few months. I couldn’t say how often a sequence of moves, practiced until it was instinct, saved my life.
But this, my inability to keep my mind on my present danger, drew my attention. Ever in the past when facing peril like this—great enough to throw me into such a strong state of detachment—I’d been keenly attuned to keeping myself alive, shoving all fear aside. It was why I detached at times like this. So, why was I still afraid?
Hang on a minute. Fear.
“Oh, no,” I whispered. “Bright? Dim?”
The Daevetch splinter was too distracted to answer my unspoken question, but Bright acknowledged it, cocking their head. When their breathing hitched and their face drained of color, I knew how they’d respond.
“Oh no, no, no,” they hoarsely whispered. “Not again.”
So, this is battle magic? I said.
When they nodded, I glanced at the soldiers around me, wondering how they hadn’t been reduced to gibbering messes yet, but despite that question, I was strangely relieved.
I knew what the future held. I knew how to help my people.
“Sorry, Oswin,” I called at the spy’s turned back. “Please, don’t hate me.”
Spinning away from his current opponent, my… friend looked at me with something like horror spreading across his face.
“What are you-?” he shouted.
Then, the Kiraak who’d been attacking him swung her sword at his face again, and he had to answer her threat. I left him like this, darting to the battle’s fringes in bursts of white light.
Where is he? I asked.
“Are you sure-?” Bright hesitantly started.
“Yes!” Dim and I both shouted.
But only the Daevetch splinter continued.
“Think beyond yourself, you sniveling coward,” they snapped. “If we’re to have a chance at crushing the enemy, we must draw him away. I know he destroyed you once, but come on! Show some strength for once, and take this chance to get even.”
That probably hadn’t been the best way to convince an Ele splinter of what I must do, but as Dim turned their wild energy on me, I said not a word.
“Follow me,” they snapped, leaving me no chance to argue.
So, I didn’t. As they led me around the battle, I kept an eye on it and Bright. The Ele splinter seemed caught in turmoil, something I’d normally try to alleviate, but I was a bit preoccupied with watching for any stray Kiraak who might to attack me.
Surprisingly, they didn’t make a move my way. Perhaps they were drawn to the nearby source of violence, but I still found their avoidance of me ominous. For some reason, it screamed of a trap, although I had no clue how Teron would have spread an order like that through the ranks.
Dim took me up the rise of the hill, but by this point, I no longer needed their help with locating my quarry. I saw the figure ahead, striding toward me with a cloak fluttering behind him. We came to a halt, several feet from one another, with an unspoken truce floating between us.
“Greetings,” I uncertainly started.
How was one supposed to interact with a monster like this? Attacking him without warning seemed wrong but-
“How are you alive?” Teron said. “I laid open your throat.”
Ok. We were starting there, were we?
“Guess I’m just lucky,” I said with a grin.
Teron didn’t like that, setting loose a growl from beneath his hood, and with sudden clarity, I knew how to continue.
Flapping a hand at him, I said, “Yes, yes. We both know you’re very intimidating. Can we move on from that? How’s your Volatility splinter? Do they still hate me?”
After a moment of tense silence, Teron said, “You’re unusually calm for a man who’s about to die.”
At that, I snorted, crossing my arms.
“What? You think because you killed me once, you can do it again?” I said. “I swear! The arrogance in you! Given how little people can resist your paltry magic trick, though, I suppose it’s only fair.”
“If you’re trying to provoke me, it won’t work,” Teron said. “I’ve struggled for decades to undermine Daevetch’s influence on me. My control on it is absolute. What makes you think that you can shake me?”
Cocking my head, I squinted at him.
“Is it absolute, though? I seem to remember an outburst you had not long ago in the hold of a-”
“This is pointless,” Teron said, sweeping a hand in front of him. “Whatever your plan is, enact it. Once I get rid of you, I have to finish cleaning this pestilence from my master’s shores. He won’t accept anything less, and I’d rather be done with it.”
He was right about us getting on with this, if not for the reasons he’d stated. This posturing was getting pointless.
“So, let’s move on,” I said. “Your next step is to kill me, yes? Try it. I doubt you’ll be able to touch me, so I’m curious how you mean to accomplish my death.”
Bursting into laughter, Teron slapped a hand to his mouth.
“Oh, you’re amusing. I’ll give you that,” he soon said, “but you’re forgetting that I destroyed your Ele source, would-be king. You’ve had far too little time practicing with your primeancy to stand against me with Daevetch alone.”
With a smirk, I said, “Who said I could only use Daevetch right now?”
And drawing Ele to my feet, I took off, heading away from the battlefield. Maybe Teron voiced the confusion that he must surely be feeling, but if he did, I wouldn’t know. I was far too focused on Bright.
“Can you get a message to Rhy?” I asked. “Let him know where I’m going and what I’m doing?”
Bright, who’d been cowering to this point, suddenly… brightened. I didn’t know how else to describe their change in demeanor.
“Oh. Oh! That’s your plan,” they said. “Smart of you. I’ll leave at once.”
When they disappeared, I made a face.
“Smart? We’ll see about that.”
As I raced into the trees, Dim barked a laugh.
“I knew you attracted me for a reason, you ridiculous human.”
Given the context, I’d take that as a compliment.
Rhylix
For too long, I’d been locating Raimie through his Ele usage. Every time a primal force emerged into the world, I could feel it, although usually, I had to be near its entry point for that, but this method of pinpointing my friend was giving me trouble, if only because he kept moving all over the place.
Really, though, I should have expected that.
I was finally getting close to him when Creation gasped beside me.
“Oh… that’s not good,” they moaned.
After dispatching yet another Kiraak, I glanced at them, frowning at the distress I saw.
“What’s not good?” I asked.
Meeting my eyes, Creation said, “For the last five minutes, your ally’s been confronting Teron. He means to draw the enemy and his battle magic away from this fight.”
Oh.
FUCK.
Chapter 100: Final Confrontation
Raimie
After who knew how long spent running, I had to stop and catch my breath, if I didn’t want to keel over, that is. Gasping, I leaned on my knees while glancing at Dim.
“Did we lose him?” I asked.
“Doubtful,” Dim said. “Even if we did, he could catch up with us via a shade meld.”
Rolling my eyes, I rubbed my calves, hoping to relieve sore muscles.
“And what’s that?” I asked.
“How the enemy keeps popping up wherever you happen to be. It’s one of their people’s most annoying abilities.”
Already tensed to hell, I jumped at Bright’s sudden reappearance, at which they sheepishly smiled.
“Sorry,” they said, “but your friend knows the plan now.”
“Great. Thanks,” I said before scowling at Dim. “Why haven’t you mentioned ‘shade melds’ before now?”
Looking down their nose at me, Dim said, “You’ve been a bit busy. Also, why would I share something so advanced with you when you’re still struggling with the basics?’
With a wince, I said, “Fair enough.”
Straightening, I took stock of my surroundings, noting the clearing around me with satisfaction.
“This’ll be a good place to make a stand,” I said. “Little to no tripping hazards here, and the sun hasn’t fallen far enough to impede sight. Not that the coming dark should be a problem this time.”
When Bright flushed, I stuck my tongue out at them, well aware of how uncomfortable they’d be at the reminder of their ‘death’.
“Truly, you’ve gotten to know us too well,” Dim muttered, as if hoping it would go unheard.
Before I could ask them about that, though, both of my splinters stiffened, which could only mean one thing. He was here!
Which patch of shadows was he hiding in, though?
“You, Raimie from the line of Audish kings, are a roach,” Teron’s disembodied voice said. “You just refuse to die.”
With Silverblade held at the ready, I spun in place, prepared for anything.
“Thank you,” I said before frowning. “I think?”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
“To your right!” Bright and Dim said as one.
Ignoring their resulting looks of distaste, I faced where they’d indicated. White light flashed in the clearing as I snapped my blade up, catching the sword coming for my head. Teron quickly followed it from the shadows, although he soon leapt away with a hiss.
“So, I was right,” he said. “You do have an Ele splinter again. How?”
Why would he think I’d answer that question?
“No,” Teron breathed. “No, I must be mistaken.”
Stepping into the shadows, he vanished, and with an eyeroll, I looked to my splinters for direction.
“Behind you and to the left,” Dim said.
With that prompting, I took a few steps forward, smiling when I heard Teron’s frustrated growl.
“To your right. Again,” Bright said.
Twisting, I caught and parried Teron’s blade before swinging my fist at his hood-shrouded face. To my great surprise, the blow connected, but as he stumbled away, I didn’t let the unexpected flare of pain in my knuckles phase me. In one stride, I was within his guard again, able to end this and him, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Teron had done many awful things, things for which a clean death would be a merciful punishment, but… but…
There had been enough killing today.
So, instead, I slapped my hand to Teron’s chest and shoved Ele through it.
I had a moment to enjoy him soaring away before Dim was screeching at me.
“You weak idiot!”
Slamming into a tree, Teron tumbled to the ground, but before I could check whether that had knocked him out, his body dissolved into the shadows, disappearing again.
“You should have killed him,” Bright said.
Even as I shot an incredulous glance at the Ele splinter, a stray thought once more rose to the surface.
Mercy. That is so utterly YOU.
Wha-?
“You can access Ele, impossible as that should be,” someone new said. “Unacceptable. The Balancer cannot have both. Make sure you kill him this time.”
Spinning toward the voice, I caught sight of a vaguely outlined person, someone who reminded me of Dim—Volatility perhaps?—but consideration of them fell away at the sight of Teron. With his hood fallen back, his blue and blonde hair was revealed, which meant I’d been right all those months ago. Teron was Eselan.
That wasn’t what had stopped me in my tracks, though. Above his sneer, he glared at me with black eyes. In them, I found no irises or sclerae. Just solid black, as if the dark vines, so rampant throughout a Kiraak’s body, had centralized there. Did that mean Corruption controlled him as much as it did with those monsters?
“No more holding back,” he said.
Then, he attacked.
I didn’t know how I survived the first five seconds of his barrage. Barely ducking beneath a Daevetch bolt, I dodged his thrust at my chest by the barest of hairsbreadths, and at the end of this single exchange, panic was already screaming in my mind. How badly did he outclass me?
Rhylix’s training gave me another ten seconds of life, but by then, I was fully occupied by a need to escape. How did I get away from this?
-me help!
Another stray thought burst through the haze engulfing me.
Heart of my heart!
Nylion. My greatest sense of safety, in all things.
Even as I gave him control, I didn’t know why I was doing it. My other half might be many things, but he wasn’t experienced in combat.
Or so I thought.
Unlike other times when we’d switched like this, I clung to the real world today. If I was about to die, I didn’t want to do it unaware. I wanted to know what had killed me.
So, I was perfectly cognizant as Nylion held his own against Teron, laughing as he did it. He was a wonder, almost playing with Teron over the course of several minutes, and gods.
If I didn’t love him for it.
I spilled over with this, and for some reason, the rush of it made Nylion falter. Teron took advantage of the opening, surging forward to disarm him, but instead of taking my head as he should, he flicked his sword’s point through my uniform’s cloth, leaving a cut in my chest.
Fear shot through Nylion, rooting him in place, and flinging his arms over his head, he dropped into a crouch, despite our imminent peril.
“No, please!” he shouted. “Not again!”
Then, he was gone, and I was left in control. Falling back on my hands, I scrambled away from Teron, all while reaching for my other half.
Nyl? I called. Are you ok? What was that?
I am so sorry, Raimie, he sobbed. I- Watch out!
I had a split second to register the needle of Daevetch hurtling for me before it impacted my chest, and I thought I was dead. It was to my shock, then, that I continued breathing, only amplified when I noticed that something was worming into my body through the cut in my chest.
“A Vice?” Bright spat. “That’s barbaric!”
Interspersed with this, Dim shouted, “You have to fight it, Raimie!”
Clambering to my feet, I brushed against what was climbing through my body, but addled by what Nylion had left swirling in my mind, I couldn’t get a grip on it.
“Raimie. You are strong,” Dim shouted. “Come on. You can beat-”
“Hush, aberrant splinter.”
Teron’s command preceded a wipe of sensible thought from my mind. Pain sent arcs of fire to my extremities, lighting up even the tips of my fingernails—was I supposed to feel pain there?—and I could do nothing except scream.
As abruptly as it had come, the storm passed, and left gasping at too thin air, I found I couldn’t slump, as my body required. Held up by invisible strings, I couldn’t move, and seeing the smug look on Teron’s face, I had a good idea of why that was. I didn’t know how he had control of my body, but I couldn’t argue that he didn’t own me right now.
“I should just kill you. Really, I should,” he said. “It’s the smartest course of action, but Volatility has gotten so loud lately. What better way to silence them than with the torment of someone they loathe?”
“Raimie, take from me,” Bright said.
Facing Teron, they were utterly tense with their hands balled into fists. It was an interesting look on them but… where was Dim?
“Raimie! Do as I say for fucking once!”
More than anything else, Bright’s cursing helped me understand the urgency of my situation, so reaching for my source, I pulled a sip of Ele to me. I got no further than this, though, as agony scoured it from me, scraping my body clean.
“No, that won’t do. No Ele for you.”
Again, I was freed to a bright world of clarity, only to find Teron wagging a finger in my face.
Lowering it, he said, “As I was saying, if I’m to have any peace in the coming days, it’s time to give Volatility their due, and so, I will be using a Vice on you, little king. Given the circumstances, my master shouldn’t begrudge me its use, just this once. The only reason I’m telling you this is because I want you to fight it. I need every ounce of suffering that I can milk from you, and having come to know you, I believe the best way to provoke your, frankly, excessive stubbornness is to tell you how hopeless your situation is. Please, do try to escape it anyway, though. You may have control of your mouth now, if you have any last words you wish to say.”
He flicked his fingers at me, and when my jaw loosened, I worked it for a moment, looking for Dim in my limited field of view. Had Teron done something to them?
“I’m here, you absolutely, horribly compassionate human,” they said behind me. “I can’t do anything to help you, though, not when he has my whole in your brain. If it were only down to me, he’d have won.”
It wasn’t up to only them, though. I had Bright, all of which meant I needed to figure out how to slip Ele usage past Teron.
“I’d be more inclined to fight you if I understood what you’ve done, but I have no idea what a Vice is,” I said. “Care to enlighten me?”
Maybe that would give me time…
With a smirk, Teron said, “You’re stalling. How cute.”
And again, pain wiped me clean.
Or I thought it was me who was feeling this. As I screamed myself hoarse over what might have been minutes or years, Nylion and I slipped and slid between one another. Under this onslaught, neither of us was able to maintain control for long.
That was what it seemed like, at least. Who could tell when all you knew was fire burning in your lungs, lightning singing in your veins, glass coursing through your lungs?
Would it ever end, or was I trapped like this?
Again. It’s happening again.
I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t!
No escape AGAIN. We’re stuck, and it’s too much. Gods, please! I can’t do this again. It’s TOO MUCH!
“Let him go.”
Rhylix’s voice dove to the heart of us. Of… me. I was me. Right?
“Why would I do that? I have him where I want him, and so long as he’s mine, you won’t attack me. If you do, I’ll only hurt him more."
What was… he talking about? How could there be more than… this?
“Raimie’s strong. He can take far more than you can give. In fact, I’m sure he’ll be free of that Vice before I’m done killing you.”
Wait. What? Rhylix had finally gotten here and-
Somewhere, an enemy snarled, and what I’d already considered overwhelming doubled in intensity. I was swimming in it, unaware of anything but this, and- and-
“If you could stop screaming and help me, that’d be great, Raimie!”
THERE WAS NO ESCAPING THIS! Couldn’t he see that? I was helpless!
“He’s the distraction that you needed, human mine.”
Why should I listen to them? They were a part of what was ripping my sanity apart, slowly killing me. Gods, where was relief when I most needed it?
“Right here, Raimie.”
That was… right. I had a source of peace in my life, hidden behind a being I cared for, but unlike before—
Unlike when we were so utterly helpless in the past…
—I could use that peace to free myself. I could fight back.
So, I stroked hard for the surface of this pain, breaking one hand through it to reach for the weapon that might bring me victory…
…and Ele rushed through me, tearing Daevetch out by the roots.
Freed from the Vice, I collapsed to the forest floor, unable to do much more than twitch. My thready scream cut off, only to be taken up by Teron.
“No! Not this time!”
At the edge of my vision, I watched him break off from his fight with Rhylix, diving into shadows once he was clear. He reappeared not ten feet in front of me with his sword prepared to strike, and with twitches controlling my body, I could do nothing more than watch as it descended. It figured that even after I’d saved myself, I’d die anyway.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I reached for the one who’d been by my side from the beginning.
Nyl! I’m sorry!
There was the thunk of metal into flesh and bone. There was the sickening squelch of a sword pulled free, but I was alive. I was breathing. How?
When my eyes flew open, I was greeted by the worst possible answer to that question, a sight that would be seared into me for the brief moments I had left. Tottering in place, Rhylix held his chest together from where Teron had nearly cleaved it in two before collapsing into the grass, and as my world hiccupped, I could only stare at his still form.
This wasn’t real, right? So many times, Rhylix had been badly hurt, only to recover as if nothing had happened. It couldn’t end like this. Could it?
When Teron stepped over Rhylix’s body, I couldn’t deny reality any longer, though. My friend had died trying to save me, and based on how much I was struggling to move, that sacrifice looked to have been in vain.
Crouching, Teron placed a finger under my chin, tilting my head up, and wiped a tear off of my cheek.
“I’m sorry you saw that,” he said. “I only meant to feed Volatility your physical pain, not a loss like this.”
Gods, I wanted to scream at him or spit in his face, but my voice was long gone, and after my who-knew-how-long howling fest, my mouth was a dry desert. Teron must see the sentiment on my face, though, because he grimaced as he rested his sword on the ground beside us.
Reaching for a knife, he said, “Don’t worry. I’ll end it now.”
This image was what got highlighted when light illuminated the clearing a breath later. As it faded, it emphasized how much color was draining from Teron’s face, and when it died, he was on his feet, facing away from me.
“My master’s stories were true?” he said. “You… you can’t-”
“Stay dead? No. At least, not when someone like you imparts the killing blow.”
With a grunt, my friend… my completely whole, hadn’t been breathing a moment ago friend got to his feet.
Quirking an eyebrow at Teron, Rhylix said, “Aren’t you going to run now?
After a beat, Teron sprinted for a patch of shadows, diving into it, but Rhylix was right there after him. Making a face, he stuck a hand into those same shadows, where it vanished like Teron had, and hauled the bastard out. Throwing him to the ground, Rhylix stomped on his chest, and with an ugly look on his face, he chopped his sword into the Enforcer’s neck. With some repositioning and two swings more, the man who’d hunted me for months was dead with another, impossible man standing over him.
“Hell, I’m glad that I’ve kept from pissing him off,” Dim said from… somewhere.
I wasn’t too concerned with finding them, though, preoccupied with watching Rhylix wipe his blade clean. Stalking my way, he knelt in front of me.
“Are you ok? I know Vices aren’t fun, so maybe that’s a silly question,” he said. “Still. Do you need help standing?”
Uh…
Say something, silly, came an aberrant thought…
No. That had been Nylion.
“What-?” I started.
But then, I doubled over with the worst coughing fit wracking my body, and rubbing my neck, I tried to soothe a sore as hell throat.
Wincing, Rhylix said, “Right. You probably shredded your vocal cords. Here.”
He touched my neck, and with another burst of light, my coughing fit ceased with my throat suddenly… fine. This gave me the energy needed to shoot upright, swaying away from my friend.
“What the fuck, Rhy?” I said.
“Yes. You-”
As if to mirror me, Rhylix started hacking into his hand, and I stared while this fit shook his body. When it was finished, he glanced at his palm with a grimace before wiping it on his pants. With a deep breath and a shaky smile, he met my eyes.
“You probably want an explanation, don’t you?”
Interlude 4.1: The Ending
Eriadren
For what seemed like forever, I aimlessly wandered down the city’s streets, half-hoping I’d run into humans that might end me. I vaguely recalled passing through the wealthier neighborhoods at some point, observing the same violence there as I’d seen in the slums. It seemed I’d discovered the one way that the different classes might be found equal.
As something burbling and manic filled the air, other people on the street paused long enough to cast uneasy glances my way.
I wondered where they were headed. Did they have a vain hope of escaping this battle? Did they have any sort of plan at all?
If so, I envied them. I didn’t know where to go or what to do with myself. How did I keep going without…?
“Sepi,” Lirilith whispered in my mind.
My daughter. She needed me.
Slapping my cheeks, I focused. Lirilith—I flinched at a summoned image—had said they were taking Sepiala to Arivor.
No. Doldimar.
So, I needed to think. Where would my… was he still my friend?
I shook my head. Where would he be right now?
That was an easy enough question to answer. After checking my weapons, I started trotting toward the temple.
When I arrived, something impossible was happening. I’d read about it in reports but always discounted it as overexaggerated versions of what had really occurred. It appeared that I’d been wrong.
While plastered on a roof opposite the temple, I watched Doldimar fling a web of pulsing strings over it. I wasn’t sure what that dark substance was, but it reminded me of what Arivor had summoned when Rafe had died.
The city’s Councilors were cowering behind him, surrounded by unmoving soldiers. As I ran my eyes over them, I was surprised to find that Reive was missing. Did Doldimar have something special planned for him-?
My heart, long abused today, stuttered before resuming its rhythm. There. In the middle of the Councilors, a little girl with my daughter’s distinctive red and green hair was standing. Why was Sepiala there?
Cursing in my head, I made my way to the street. I’d reached it, getting halfway to the Councilors when a rumble sent me skittering into shadows. As it grew louder, I glanced toward its source, and my eyes widened.
The web surrounding Alouin’s temple flexed, and slowly, the building crumbled, jetting dust and debris into the air.
“Shit,” I said.
Was this the power Doldimar had gained from my disastrous experiment? Stars… how would I…?
No. I couldn’t think about that. Instead, I considered the fact that a temple had been destroyed.
“He must hate Alouin now,” I said.
Shaking awe and fear off, I resumed my approach, moving as fast as I could. By the time the Councilors had come into view, Doldimar was standing in front of them with his feet shoulder-width apart, inspecting them like he would have with his troops during the first war. Something passed over his face, and he cocked his head, gazing at the sky.
“I know you’re here. I can feel you,” he said. “Did you save Lirilith, Eriadren?”
Restraining a hiss, I kept myself from leaping forward, clutching my sword’s hilt instead.
“My subordinates tell me they left her mangled,” Doldimar continued, “and I must confess. I was curious about whether you’d use your annoying power on her, but from your presence here, I’d guess you didn’t. I’m told that healing from the wounds you assume takes a while. It’s too bad really. I always liked my cousin, even after she murdered Rafe.”
He paused, as if expecting me to attack him, and I almost did. The only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that it was probably what he wanted. I couldn’t save Sepiala if I was dead, no matter how guaranteed my return to the living world would be.
Sighing, Doldimar slumped.
“Still not enough of an impetus for you, huh?” he said. “You have to hate me, Eri. We’re writing a beautiful story here, one that needs a hero and an antagonist, but we can’t have that if you refuse to see me as your enemy.”
The hell was he talking about? Was he killing people, killing Lirilith, because he thought we were in the middle of a damn book? Was he insane?
“I will make you hate me, Eri. By the time we’re done, you will despise me to the core of your essence,” Doldimar said. “I don’t care what I have to do to make that happen.”
That was enough. I was almost close enough to the Councilors. A few more steps and I could dart for Sepiala before escaping. With my immortal body as a shield, doing that shouldn’t be too difficult.
Before I could try, Doldimar snapped his attention to the Councilors.
“I find you unworthy of sharing my strength,” he said.
Dozens of black spikes sprouted from him. Each one arched through the air to skewer a Councilor, and as I watched this, the world hiccupped for me. Blinking images told me of how the spikes quickly dissolved into the air, of how bodies fell on top of one another, of how Doldimar laughed.
And really. Seeing all of this? I should be rage incarnate. I should charge the bastard who’d murdered…
I should be raining hell on him, screaming all the while, but I couldn’t move. My eyes wouldn’t shift away from a pile of the dead.
“Well?” Doldimar shouted. “Is this enough for you?”
He needed to die.
I couldn’t do it now, though. I needed an opportunity where I was guaranteed success, and if he truly could ‘feel’ me, like he’d said, then I’d need allies who could distract him.
He started another goading monologue, but I didn’t hear it. Backing away, I made it somewhere safe before running. I needed to escape this city, my home, but once I had, I could regroup.
And once that was done, maybe I could figure out why I couldn’t bring myself to grieve the death of my family.
Finding a decent source of resistance took a few weeks. As I’d always known he would, Doldimar ran an efficient military campaign, making sure every city and town he acquired was fully his before moving on. Not many enemies were left alive in his wake, or at least, not many with the power to see him dead.
By the time I stumbled across the right camp, most of the empire had fallen, something that should probably have bothered me, but I only cared about it because it had made my goal more difficult. Fortunately, this group appeared both well-organized and decently equipped, which should negate that raised difficulty level.
Strangers took me to their leader, deep within their camp, and when we stepped into his tent, I stopped dead. I’d expected to find any number of people here: town mayors, city councilors, and the like.
Not Alouin’s Voice, the leader of our empire. Or former empire, I supposed.
He didn’t see me when we stepped inside, intently talking with a woman instead, and restrained by my escort, I just watched him for a time. Eventually, however, he glanced my way, and when he did, he blanched before sending everyone else out of the tent.
“You’re alive,” he said once they’d gone. “Does that mean…?”
I didn’t know what he saw that shut him up, but it also had his body shaking. Since I’d seen him, my expression hadn’t once changed… I didn’t think.
As for what he’d asked about, I hadn’t touched on that subject for days. The method of compartmentalization that I’d learned during the war had become useful once more.
I was curious, however, as to why Alouin’s Voice had started crying. Considering everything he’d done, I wasn’t sure if he had a right to grieve.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “When I saw you, I hoped… I hoped I’d have a chance to redeem myself for-”
“Forgive me, Your Eminence,” I interrupted, “but might I inquire as to your resistance’s status? I’d like to offer you aid, but until I know where I might best serve, I can’t do that.”
I didn’t have the patience to wait while he collected himself. Now that I’d found my distraction for Doldimar, I wanted to start preparing the pieces.
“I… I don’t know,” Alouin’s Voice said before scrubbing his face. “I’m only here to give this group legitimacy. I’m certainly not the one calling the shots.”
…Interesting. If he wasn’t in charge, it could be beneficial. An unknown leader wouldn’t have old biases that I’d struggle with.
At the same time, I’d have to prove my worth to them, and I wasn’t sure I could do that without using my special little curse. I’d rather not die today.
“If you’re not running things, who is?” I asked. “I need to see them. I have some information that they might find useful.”
Nodding, Alouin’s Voice said, “I see. I’ll show you to him, then.”
As we walked through camp, people bobbed their heads or bowed to their leader, which might once have irritated me. Now, I just wondered why people were genuflecting to someone whose position didn’t exist anymore.
Alouin’s Voice took me into the woods, muttering something about their leader liking his privacy. I wasn’t paying him much mind, lost in planning how I’d introduce myself to this group’s leader, but all of that flew out the window when we strode into a clearing and I saw the man waiting there.
Within a breath, I’d drawn my sword while racing after the knife I’d already thrown. It missed—how did I keep missing?—but nothing could stop me from swinging my weapon down on my foe’s head.
As if a solid surface had intercepted it, my blade stopped just shy of Reive, sending strands of his hair floating to the ground, and frowning, I tried to press forward.
My body didn’t respond to me, though.
What the hell was going on?
Heat stabbed through my shoulder, which had me turning to Alouin’s Voice. Panting, he lifted his bloodied dagger as if to defend himself, but I ignored him, stalking away.
Several paces out, I flipped backward, facing two, soft men. They were staring at me with wide eyes and their mouths open, which had me shaking my head. They should have attacked me while my back had been turned, but while I knew why Reive hadn’t hurt me, I wasn’t sure what had stopped Alouin’s Voice.
Oh, well. Retrieving my last knife, I tossed it at Reive, and again, it missed. As it thumped into the grass, I clicked my tongue.
“Hell,” I said. “I can’t kill you.”
As if I hadn’t just tried to end him, Reive brushed himself off.
“I was wondering when you’d find us, Eriadren,” he said. “It took you long enough.”
Whipping his head to the former Councilor, Alouin’s Voice said, “You said he died when Doldimar took your home.”
“Yes. I’m almost certain that he did,” Reive said.
“Then… why have you been expecting him?”
Still glaring at Reive, I said, “I can’t die.”
With a quick, almost friendly smile, Reive dismissed me.
“Not by any means I’ve discovered, at least,” he said.
This bastard.
“What?!” Alouin’s Voice shouted.
Never looking at him, I pointed to where he’d stabbed my shoulder, and he scurried to inspect my unmarked flesh.
“I want to give Doldimar the harshest possible fate I can devise,” I told Reive. “I want to break him so thoroughly that he becomes as nothing. Will you stop me?”
I’d like to know whether I should look for another resistance cell to serve as my distraction.
“Hardly,” Reive said. “For once, your goals align with mine.”
“…You want to destroy your nephew,” I said.
I didn’t know why this surprised me. For years, Reive had tortured me without a problem. He’d killed Rafe, starting our descent into these shitty circumstances. Why wouldn’t he get rid of a once-favored piece on his game board after it had misbehaved?
“You already know the answer to that,” Reive said before glancing at me. “Well?”
Could I work with this evil man, someone who’d been a thorn in my side for my whole life?
As if he could feel my reluctance, Reive rolled his eyes.
“I’m your best shot at getting what you want,” he said.
And despite myself, I fiercely smiled.
“Let’s get started, then.”
Interlude 4.2: The Ending
Eriadren
My efforts to murder Doldimar weren’t going as planned. In fact, nearly a year into them, I had yet to step out of camp.
Reive said that my inability to kill made me a liability. I could endanger any team I might go on a mission with, and no matter how much I argued that my other ability outweighed that disadvantage, he wouldn’t change his mind.
So, I’d been stuck here, wondering if I shouldn’t try my luck elsewhere, for an entire year. To date, the effort of leaving hadn’t seemed worth it, although that could change at any moment.
On top of everything else, Reive probably wanted to continue with his experimentation on me once this war was over. He still wanted to become a god, but if he thought I’d let that happen, he had another thing coming. Any leverage he’d once held over me had been lost.
All this meant, though, was that over the last year, I’d lingered at the edge of camp often, wishing I could go further. When people asked what I did out here, I answered that I was keeping watch, but my true reason for coming out here was far worse and perhaps a tad worrisome.
“I don’t know what to do, love,” I said. “If you were here, what would you tell me?”
In the moonlight, Lirilith blankly stared at me. I’d long ago grown numb to the evidence of abuse scattered over her body, just like I no longer flinched at her eyes on me. The nights when my mind conjured her were the good ones. When Sepiala appeared instead…
Those were the nights I’d have gnawed through my palm, containing my screams, if not for my unnatural healing.
“How long can I sit around, waiting for Reive to make a move?” I said. “I want this over, although what I’ll do once it’s done still mystifies me. Everyone I loved will be dead…”
With a gasp, I slapped a hand to my mouth. Apparently, this would be a bad night, even without my daughter to haunt me.
“I want him dead. I do!” I said into my palm. “He murdered you. He’s not Arivor, my brother, anymore. He’s Doldimar. A monster. A- a-”
Taking a shaky breath, I hugged my legs, burying my face in my raised knees.
“How did this happen?”
Lirilith didn’t reply, but then, she never did. A noise did, however, jerk me upright.
Getting to my feet, I moved toward the sound of rustling leaves. Was someone taking a midnight stroll? Or perhaps a group of hopefuls had come looking for this resistance’s base.
When I found the source of the disturbance, I froze with my stomach roiling. It was definitely nothing like what I’d been considering.
Ahead of me, a woman in shoddy armor was failing miserably at pushing through the underbrush, but this was no ordinary person. Black lines flickered and writhed beneath her skin, and as always, something about them made me sick. I’d never identified why this happened, but considering how many strange things I’d seen in my life, another mystery didn’t bother me as much as it used to.
She was one of Doldimar’s new soldiers: a Kiraak. Exceptionally bloodthirsty, they were almost impossible to kill. Even something as debilitating as a sword through the heart couldn’t stop them.
I needed to warn my allies that one had gotten so close to camp.
Before I could back away, though, the woman lifted her face toward the sky, sniffing at the air, before spinning toward me with a hiss.
What the hell? How had she known-?
She rushed me, barely giving me time to draw my sword. I batted her initial strike aside, and all the while, I was scrambling for a plan.
I’d fight this woman, of course. What else was I supposed to do?
I couldn’t end her, though, and since she might share the news of this encounter with the enemy if she escaped, letting her kill me didn’t seem wise. So, what should I-?
When I swung for her, the woman didn’t duck as she should, and I had a split second to wince. I’d barely gotten used to my body stopping me from landing killing blows.
It didn’t happen this time, though. My sword sliced into her neck, carving through it to the other side, and my enemy’s head fell from her shoulders.
Stunned, I could only blink as the body crumpled, working through what had happened. Then, I took off toward camp, running as if a flash flood was chasing me.
When I plunged between tents, people didn’t pay me any mind, used to my eccentricities by now. I ignored them too, racing for the place where I would most likely find Reive.
Barging through a tent flap, I dismissed the others gathered here, zeroing my focus on the bastard who’d ruined my life. Storming to him, I drove my sword point at his chest—
—and was brought up short.
Glancing at the blade, Reive said, “Really, Eriadren. I thought we were past this nonsense.”
With a growl, I sheathed my sword while Reive waved off the people, poised to attack, around us. Only Alouin’s Voice was watching us with anything approaching calm.
“I need to speak with you,” I snapped. “In private.”
Nodding, Reive said, “Everyone out.”
Without protest, they went. Hell, he had such control over them. After this horror show, any remnant of the empire that remained would be fucked because he would almost certainly be in charge of it.
After the others had filtered outside, Reive crossed his arms.
“What was that about?” he asked.
“I ran into an enemy soldier in the forest, one of Doldimar’s new monstrosities,” I said. “I killed her.”
Humming, Reive stroked his chin for a moment.
“You’re sure?” he said.
“If you doubt me, send someone to check,” I said, throwing a hand toward the tent flap, “but you know what this means, right?”
“That your inability to kill isn’t as absolute as we thought?”
Well, yes. That had seemed obvious. But…
“No. It means that you can’t keep me here anymore. Your reason for it is gone.”
Stepping to where my toes brushed Reive’s shins, I crouched, jabbing a finger at his face.
“Send me out there. Use me like you should have done from the beginning,” I said, “or this tenuous partnership is over.”
And damn the consequences for that choice. I was done sitting idly by.
“You can’t keep doing this, Eriadren,” Alouin said.
***
As white light flashed around me, I gasped, sitting upright while slapping at my chest. It didn’t matter how many times I died. Coming back still surprised me.
While checking for enemies, I said under my breath, “You want me to stop, Alouin? You’ll have to force it from me.”
No one was in sight. Delicately, I slipped off of the stone slab I’d been lying on, ignoring the pool of dried blood that I’d left behind. If that did nothing to me, maybe the bodies on all sides should, but after eleven years of wading through similar scenes, such houses of horror no longer affected me.
This was what Doldimar had made of me and the others living in his chaotic kingdom: someone who walked through mangled corpses as if it were nothing. I had become immune to horror.
Hope, on the other hand…
Twelve years had passed since the empire had fallen. Ten years ago, Doldimar had slaughtered the leaders of the human kingdoms, taking over from them, and even still, my allies and I toiled to bring our enemy down. It had been a long, frustrating decade, filled with many promising opportunities, and all had proven infeasible in the end.
That would never stop me from seeking new ones, though.
Tonight, I’d infiltrated the fortress of Doldimar’s top lieutenant, letting myself get captured. I’d let an absolutely sick man plunge his dagger into my heart, all so I could stand here, completely undetected.
After clothing myself in an illusion, I stepped into the hall, hurrying to find the lieutenant’s bedchamber. This didn’t take long. The man was known for his paranoia, so all I had to do was look for the thickest clump of soldiers, guarding a hall or door.
From there, it was a simple matter of finding an isolated corner, shucking my illusory clothes, and assuming an insect’s mindset.
Stars, but once it came, the energy drain for using so much magic today might knock me out. It would be worth it, though, for the time it would save.
By the time I’d flown into the lieutenant’s bedchamber, I’d fallen so far into a fight against the mindset I’d assumed that I almost shape changed in the middle of the room. Considering it was occupied, this would have been disastrous. Fortunately, at the last second, I remembered where I was, flitting beneath the bed before becoming human again.
Holding still, I listened as the lieutenant bowed and scraped to his guest, someone I hadn’t expected when planning this mission. I wondered who it could be.
“-done as commanded, great one,” he said. “How else may I serve?”
“Hmm.”
A pair of feet moved into view.
“You’ve done ‘as commanded’. I suppose you think that you deserve praise for your competence.”
A woman? And not only that but she’d sounded so young…
Oh, no. It couldn’t be. Could it?
“My dear guardian doesn’t reward mere adequacy,” the woman said. “In fact, he’d probably praise me if I punished you for failing to go above and beyond expectations.”
As the lieutenant thumped to the ground, presumably knocked there by the woman, I absently hooked my fingers into the bed’s slats, pulling myself off of the ground so he wouldn’t see me, if he was still alive.
Doldimar’s ward, a she-demon responsible for several atrocities that matched her patron’s, stood not a dozen paces from me. What an opportunity I’d stumbled upon. If I eliminated my old friend’s heir, it would set his plans back, at least a little.
Was it worth abandoning a chance at killing the man himself, though?
“Please, great one. You’ve seen my performance over the years,” the lieutenant said. “You know that mere adequacy isn’t typical for me. Give me another month to prove I can continue with that excellence.”
The problem with this opportunity was that if I chose to take it, I didn’t know if I could kill the woman. Given that she rarely left people alive, reports on Doldimar’s heir had been sparse on details, so I didn’t know if black lines crawled under her skin. I didn’t know if my body would let me make a killing blow.
“Get up,” the woman snapped. “You have a month. Do not disappoint me, or I’ll tell my guardian that he should visit you personally.”
“Ye- yes, great one.”
Something scraped along the floor, letting me lower myself back to it, but I didn’t roll out from under the bed. In this case, I’d rather be cautious than attack these two. Another opportunity to kill my enemy’s heir would come along, and besides, what could happen until then? I died?
Ha!
“Until next time.”
A set of small feet strode into a patch of darkness before… vanishing. What-?
“Bitch,” the lieutenant muttered.
A few heartbeats later, a door slammed, and I got out from under the bed. Casting aside thoughts on what I’d heard, I searched the bedchamber as swiftly as possible. When I found a piece of parchment that described the realm’s troop distribution for the next month, I let a rare smile cross my face. This was perfect.
After memorizing it, I began the process of shifting to an insect but paused when I spotted the lieutenant’s specialized insignia lying nearby. That could be useful, and it was small enough that a larger bug, like a beetle, could carry it.
Snatching it up, I softly hummed to myself. This had been a ridiculously successful mission, even if I’d died to accomplish it. Hopefully, something in what I’d gained would get me to my end goal.
Somewhere in the valley below, Reive was addressing our hastily cobbled together army, trying to inspire them for the coming battle. I was on a cliff on the outskirts of our camp, overlooking the small patch of woods between us and the giant fortress on the other side. The sprawling building had been partially built into the mountain at its back, an attribute that the humans who’d once ruled this land had favored, and the fact that one of its towers nearly rivaled said mountain in height made the place rather imposing.
As I finished with my preparations for my end of this morning’s plan, someone came to join me on my perch, but I ignored them, fairly certain of who it was. Alouin’s Voice had recently finished with his portion of today’s speech making, and I’d grown familiar with the sound of his footfalls over the years.
He joined me without comment, although when his gaze fell on the gathered soldiers below us, he let out a soft laugh.
“He’s planning on having me killed soon, isn’t he?”
I knew exactly who he meant, even without the mention of a name. Barely visible from up here, I could see Reive pacing back and forth in front of the first line of soldiers, shaking his fists overhead with his voice bouncing to us.
“Are you going to let him try?” I said.
No need to reply to the other man’s question. I was pretty sure he already knew what my answer would be. Still, I was glad that Alouin’s Voice had finally picked up on Reive’s ambitions, although he might have noticed them long before now. I avoided the man whenever possible and so, wouldn’t have noticed when that revelation had happened.
With a long sigh, Alouin’s Voice leaned back on his hands, lifting his face to the stars.
“Maybe I should,” he said. “I’d deserve it after how terribly I’ve handled every responsibility I’ve had in my life.”
That made me freeze in place. The few times Alouin’s Voice had caught me out like this, he’d tried expressing his regrets for certain… things, things I did my best not to think about. I didn’t want or need him to do something like that now, in the hour before I’d be infiltrating Doldimar’s citadel.
Fortunately, he shook his head, softly laughing, and moved on.
“But no, I don’t think I will. Reive can have whatever wreck of a kingdom is left once all of this is over. I’ve already proven I’m not fit to lead.”
I didn’t reply. He probably knew my opinion about that.
“No matter how today’s battle goes, I’ll be leaving after it,” Alouin’s Voice continued after a moment. “But before I do…”
He turned to watch me strapping a weapon into place, and stiffly, I forced myself to meet his gaze.
“I’ll be backing you up on your mission today, Eriadren,” he said.
He held up a hand when I opened my mouth to deny him.
“I know you don’t need or want help. I’m not offering to do anything silly like that,” he said, “but you’re bringing something quite valuable with you to your confrontation with Doldimar.”
Alouin’s Voice nodded toward the sword lying on the stone beside me. It had taken me years to locate this god-forged blade, a quest that no one but this man and Reive had known about. If I was going to confront a man who wouldn’t fucking die, I’d wanted every advantage I could get, and a blade crafted by our old empire’s god had seemed like the perfect weapon to satisfy that goal.
“I’ll be waiting in the wings while you fight him,” Alouin’s Voice said. “I know what this fight means to you. I won’t interfere in it, no matter how much I’d like to satisfy my own grievances with that bastard.”
Looking away, he clenched his fists in his lap.
“But you deserve it more,” he soon continued. “So, I’ll watch, and win or lose, I’ll be there to make sure that sword doesn’t fall into Reive’s hands.”
That made me blink. Out of all the fears I had about this morning’s battle, Alouin’s Voice had named the one that had most often kept me awake over the last week. I found myself… grateful, strangely, to this man for alleviating that worry for me.
Alouin’s Voice seemed to see my acceptance of his offer in my eyes. He nodded once before getting to his feet.
Patting my shoulder, he said, “Good luck over the next few hours, Eriadren.”
As he walked away, I tucked the insignia of Doldimar’s top lieutenant—the one I’d retrieved during my recent infiltration mission—into a pocket. It and a shape change would be the first part of today’s plan, getting me through the gate into Doldimar’s citadel. With it, I’d be closer to my old friend than I’d been able to get for the last ten years. I was trying not to think about how nervous I was to see him again. How much I looked forward to…
Actually, I wasn’t sure what I was looking forward to with this. Ending him, maybe? Figuring out why…?
Shaking my head, I got to my feet and slid Shadowsteal into the scabbard on my back. The visit from Alouin’s Voice had brought emotions up to the surface again, which wasn’t conducive to what I’d soon need to do. I pushed them all away, falling into a cold and compartmentalized version of myself, and turned away from the army at my back. I should get started with trying to kill my best friend.
Interlude 4.3: The Ending
Eriadren
Finally, I was here.
As the last of Doldimar’s soldiers slid off of my blade, I kept my eyes fixed on the doors in front of me. Behind them was my goal. Behind them, I’d find him.
Hopefully, I’d get to enjoy killing him before Reive and the others caught up.
When I banged into the next room, I found it empty save for several patches of shadows and Doldimar, lounging in one of the humans' former throne.
“Finally, you’re here. I’ve been waiting for ages, Eri.”
Doldimar’s sing-song voice filled the room, setting my teeth grinding, and as he straightened in his chair, I settled into a ready stance, diminishing my profile. Back in the day, I might have been the superior swordsman between the two of us, but who knew if that had changed in the decade since?
Seeing me shift, Doldimar leapt to his feet with clapping hands, manically giggling all the while.
“Do you like it?” he asked. “We’ve told a fine story together, you and I, but now, it’s time for the finale! Who will prevail? The hero or the villain?”
Gritting my teeth, I hissed, “This isn’t a storybook, you bastard. You took my family from me! You ended their lives.”
With a sob, I broke off, and Doldimar cocked his head as I collected myself.
“You, my best friend, destroyed my life and brought the world to ruin. How could you?”
I didn’t know why I’d asked that. Over the years, I’d learned that any remorse this man might’ve had had died along with his son, long ago.
It was with surprise then that I watched Doldimar’s manic energy fade. With a heavy sigh, he squeezed his eyes closed, glancing away, and for a moment, he looked like my friend again.
Then, he said, “You’d know why I’ve done these things if you’d read my letter. You could have prevented this.”
And acid burned away my vision of a ghost.
That. damn. letter. I still carried it on my person, tucked into my jacket’s pocket, but that was because it was part of my revenge, not because of an unspoken promise I might have made.
“I’m going to kill you,” I snapped. “You will suffer, just like them.”
Like Lirilith, watching me from the sidelines with a broken body. Like Sepiala with black energy riddling every part of her. Like every other unnamed person he’d killed.
Meeting my eyes, Doldimar said, “Good.”
And he smiled. And that was it for me.
I charged him with a roar, unthinking in my advance, and he calmly waited for me. For some reason, I didn’t find this odd until I caught a flash of movement from the corner of my eye.
That one glimpse and my quick reflexes saved me. Nearly tripping over myself, I barely dodged the sword plunging for my chest, spinning around the body that followed it. I was quick to recover, changing targets in a breath, but so was my new opponent. As our blades met, Doldimar’s cackle rose above that clash.
“I’m sorry, Eri. I should have introduced you before now,” he said. “This is the final, major character in our tale: my ward and heir.”
How fortunate for me. I’d get to end his tyranny in one fell swoop.
Snarling, I pushed my new opponent away, hardly seeing her before I sprinted for Doldimar once more, but something in that one glimpse tickled at the back of my mind.
I cast consideration of it to the side, at least for the moment. Why waste time on that when my goal was so close?
Again, the woman appeared from nowhere, and on pushing her away this time, her hair slapped me in the face. Red and green. That was an unusual combo.
Shaking the thought off, I advanced two more steps toward Doldimar, and his heir rose from a patch of shadows on the ground in front of me.
How had she done that? What magic had allowed it?
Raising her blade, she snarled, “Leave him alone, degenerate.”
And I stumbled to a stop, blankly staring. It couldn’t be.
“Lirilith?” I breathed.
No, that couldn’t be right. The faces might match, but my wife had had blonde hair…
In a blur, Doldimar’s heir moved, and several feet of steel plunged into my chest and through my heart.
***
When I saw him this time, Alouin was watching me with pity.
“Brace yourself, Eriadren,” he said. “This next one will be bad.”
***
White light ushered me into my body, and surprised to find myself unbound, I stumbled to my feet, coughing. Even as I snagged a hidden knife from its sheathe, the blurry figures in front of me clarified.
One: Doldimar with a disappointed frown in place.
“Well, that didn’t work.”
Two: A ghost from the past, staring at me in horror.
Why was she looking at me like that? Why was she so familiar?
Licking her lips, Doldimar’s heir hesitantly said, “Daddy?”
And I locked up, in body and mind. Not Lirilith. This was much worse.
“Sepi?” I breathed.
My daughter.
It couldn’t be, though. I’d seen her body, hadn’t I? Hadn't I?
No, this wasn’t right. She was…
What had Doldimar made of her? What had she done?
All because I couldn’t keep her safe.
With tears in her eyes, Sepiala dropped her sword.
“Daddy!” she gasped over its clang. “You’re… no, you’re dead! He told me… I… Oh, Alouin. What-?”
Despite my horror, I found myself speaking.
“It’s ok, sweetie. We’ll fix this. You’re all right.”
Maybe she heard what I was really saying. Maybe she knew from those meager words how much I still loved her. I hoped so because in the next moment, Doldimar was at her side, cleanly separating her head from her shoulders.
As my daughter collapsed in pieces at his feet, he clicked his tongue.
“Looks like that still needs work too,” he said.
I didn’t know what happened next. Something unreasoning and powerful took over, and when I was next aware of the world, Doldimar was kneeling in front of me with one leg gone and a sword through his gut.
“Finally, we’re here,” he coughed.
Shakily reaching for me, he laid a hand where I was gripping the blade.
“Thank… you, Eri.”
Snarling, I ripped the sword free and brought it down on his head. I wasn’t sure how long I spent hacking at his body, but eventually, I grew tired, throwing the weapon aside. Fixing my gaze on the remains of that hated face, I withdrew a letter, yet unopened, from my jacket.
Everything else—Sepiala!—could wait, just for a moment. I needed this. Now.
Breaking the wax on the letter’s seal, I unfolded it.
“Let’s see what you thought would excuse all of this,” I growled before clearing my throat. “My dearest friend. If you’re reading this, please know that I never hated you. You weren’t to blame for what led to our conflict. In fact, if anyone should take responsibility for it, it’s… me.”
Scowling, I scanned the rest of the letter, and once I was finished, my legs failed me. Limply hitting the ground, I rested loose fingers on my thighs, letting parchment flutter free of them.
No.
I wanted to howl this, but the breath had been knocked out of me, and I wasn’t sure if it was in response to what I’d read or what had started rising in my core. I didn’t get long to ponder this as that rapidly escalating heat stole all thought. Pain flashed through me—
—and my ashes floated to the ground between my loved ones’ corpses.
When I woke up, I was surrounded by white. White formed the sky. White covered the ground. White was the world.
Except for in a thin strip of gray, one that separated me from a black landscape. Why did this place seem so familiar?
“Hello, Eriadren. Congratulations are in order. You appear to have won this time.”
Shooting upright, I barely stopped myself from screaming. My friend… my daughter… myself… we’d all died!
Still, that voice cut through thoughts that had been scattered in the wind.
“Alouin.”
How many times had I caught a glimpse of that man in the brief seconds after my many deaths? Unlike before, however, I wasn’t going anywhere this time.
“I’m sorry that the backlash caught you before you’d processed what you read.”
Dazed, I lifted my head, staring at Alouin. The hell was he talking about?
Shifting in place, he cleared his throat.
“Here. I’ll recite it for you.”
He pulled himself upright, folding his hands in front of him.
“Eri,
If you’re reading this, please know that I never hated you. You weren’t to blame for our conflict. In fact, if anyone should take responsibility for it, it’s me. I’m the one who pushed you toward our lives’ destruction, and others, in their hate, took advantage of our weakness. Please, Eriadren, forgive yourself for something you had no control over.
“Before I lose myself again, I must set this into writing, for when I next see you, I may not have control. Since our disastrous experiment, I’ve been trapped in Corruption’s sway. Every day, its madness overtakes more of my mind. I don’t know how much longer I can resist its influence, but in the end, how can I do that? I’m fighting a god.
“Instead, I marshal the remnants of my sanity to delay Corruption, one last fight to convey my wishes before I no longer can. I would make a final request of you, my friend. When next we meet, please kill me. I cannot live under the control of a god whose sole aim is to destroy creation.
“I know what I’m asking of you. I do not ask it lightly, but you’re the only one who can end me. I’ve placed myself in harm’s way more times than I can count, even attempting suicide as my desperation has increased, but still, I’ve found no release, only a continuation of life.
Ever your friend,
Arivor.”
As when I’d first read the letter, I was cast adrift, and in agonizingly slow movements, I craned my head toward the man that many of my people considered a god.
“He wasn’t in control?” I numbly asked.
“By the time he joined the humans, Arivor had lost his fight with Corruption, yes,” Alouin said.
With a growl, I shot to my feet, tugging at my hair.
“Why didn’t he just say something?” I hissed. “Why leave such an important message in a letter I might not read?”
Alouin let me pace for a moment before saying.
“You’ve done your research since our first meeting. You understand what Ele and Daevetch are now, meaning you probably have a glimpse of the predicament you’ve landed yourself in.”
Halting, I mutely nodded. Stupid. I’d been so stupid to experiment with the unknown.
“Given that, do you think that Arivor had any choice about how he gave you this information? Frankly, I’m amazed he snuck that letter past Corruption. Daevetch’s avatar indeed,” Alouin said with a headshake. “Also, can you blame him for wanting to be nowhere near you when you learned the truth?”
As if to emphasize his point, a pained cry ripped through this strange place, eventually morphing into intelligible words.
“No! What… what did I do?”
I jerked my head toward the noise. On the other side of the gray line, a familiar form was hunched on himself, sobbing with shaking shoulders, while Alouin’s twin stood over him.
And I took off. I didn’t care how impossible my current circumstances were. I had to reach my friend.
Alouin stopped me before I could.
Interposing himself between me and the gray line, he said, “Stop. If you enter the balance point, it will tear you apart. If you must speak with him, do it from here, but be quick about it. Your time here is running out.”
In this moment, I didn’t care who this man was or how powerful he might be. Stepping toe-to-toe with him, I bared my teeth.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” I snarled.
Alouin slapped me. It was a bitch move, to be sure, but in this case, it was effective. With fury dampened, I clutched at my cheek, glaring at him. He’d better have an explanation for me.
“You cannot go to Arivor, not in this place,” he said. “When you experimented with my body so many years ago, it ended with the formation of yet another rip in reality, one that reached though those layers until it touched the bedrock. This is where Arivor went when his essence slipped out of his body. Later, it’s where I sent you.
“You were lucky, landing in the balance point as you did. Arivor was less so, and Daevetch eagerly latched onto him, making him an easy conduit into your layer of reality.
“So, I did my job. I pushed you into Ele’s sway as a way to counter him. If I hadn’t, it would have thrown every iteration into disbalance.
“What this means? You’re bound to one of the primal forces, Champion of Ele, just as Arivor is to Daevetch!”
Oh. Was that all?
“I figured as much. I had ten years to do research, when I wasn’t focused on other goals. Did you think I wouldn’t put that together? The only thing I didn’t know was how little control my friend had over the last decade,” I said. “It doesn’t matter now, though. Arivor and I are dead, the same as everyone we ever loved. The threat that we posed has been neutralized, so as I was saying, would you kindly get out of my way? I don’t know what sort of afterlife this is, but I’d like to use it to reconcile with my friend.”
…Why was Alouin looking at me with such pity?
“You’re not dead, Eriadren,” he said.
After a beat, I snorted, bursting into laughter.
“What are you talking about? My body is ash,” I said. “Over the years he controlled me, Reive may have killed me in many ways, but he never tried immolation. Reconstructing a body from that is impossible.”
“Which is why another one will be provided.”
My laughter cut off as my eyes widened.
"What?" I shouted.
Crossing his arms, Alouin said, “Did you think that the loss of your bodies would stop Daevetch and Ele from using you? That will never happen, not when they have their claws so thoroughly embedded in your essences. Once they’ve reasserted their control, you and Arivor will be returned to the physical plane, where he will once more go mad, and together, you’ll repeat the tragedy of your lives in a representation of the Eternal War. I’m sorry, Eriadren.”
Silence fell while I absorbed everything he’d said with my fingers twitching. Eventually, I cleared my throat.
“How long?” I gruffly asked.
How long would my friend and I be trapped like this? How long would this torture last?
“For as long as the primal forces’ War persists,” Alouin said, “which if I have any say in it, will be for eternity.”
At those words, I didn’t know how I stayed on my feet.
After a moment, Alouin stepped aside, letting me approach the gray line where my friend was already waiting, and I sank to my knees opposite him.
Tear tracks were streaked across his face, and I badly wanted to wipe it clean, but… I couldn’t. Instead, I listened to him blubber at me, offering so many apologies, which I didn’t understand. We both had things to be sorry for, both had wronged the other in unforgivable ways.
All the while, a sheet of black rolled over his body, the same as one of light was doing for mine. Somehow, I found my voice before either sheet could complete their journey.
“I’ll fix this, Arivor,” I said. “I promise. One day, we’ll be free.”
The white sheet from the bedrock of reality finished enveloping my body, and when I opened my eyes, light blinded me. I squinted to let them adjust.
“What’s wrong? Why isn’t he crying?”
Who had that been?
“Don’t worry, my dear. He’s perfectly fine. Just quiet.”
Having given my eyes time to adjust, I cracked them open more fully, wondering where Ele had dropped me, and gazed upon a woman, looking down at me with a radiant smile.
O… k… this was awkward. How did I-?
“He’s beautiful!” the woman said. “Look at those eyes! He has an old soul.”
She brushed my cheek with her knuckles, and I froze. What the hell was going on?
Glancing around, I found another woman nearby, but this only escalated my already pounding heart because her hands were covered in blood. I had to help!
“She’s fine, Eriadren. Please, calm down. No one’s in danger here.”
Who’d said that?
When I located the speaker, I tried to jerk away, tried to warn the women about the anomaly in their midst, but this only ended with me squirming in place, screaming my head off.
“There it is,” one of the women crooned.
What…? No. This madness needed to stop. I needed to get control now, needed to get up…
“Welcome to your new body, Eriadren.”
That was the second time the anomaly had said my name. Gradually, I slowed down my breathing rate so I could take them in.
Roughly humanoid in shape, they were made of white light, standing with their arms folded behind their back, and at my stare, they cocked their head.
“You have questions, I’m sure,” they said.
Of fucking course I had questions!
Clicking their tongue, the anomaly said, “There’s no need to curse.”
And again, I could only stare.
Leaning over, the woman with bloodied hands lifted me single-handedly out of the other woman’s lap.
“I’ll get him waddled for you, my dear. Shall I send your husband in?"
“He’ll want to see his son…”
“And he will! Let me clean him up first.”
Realization hit me.
A baby? Ele, primal force of creation, needed to give me a body so I could carry out its purpose, and I got stuck as a baby again?
“Is that not how new Esela are created?” the anomaly asked. “A male and female come together to exchange genetic matter. The resulting zygote gestates for nine months, forming a body that can survive outside the womb, and once that’s finished, it’s expelled into the world. That’s correct, yes?”
Technically, yes, that was where babies came from, although I was unfamiliar with some of the terms the anomaly had spoken. What did that have to do with-?
“We inserted you into this body as late as possible,” the anomaly continued. “Keeping one alive without a sustaining essence is extraordinarily difficult. Given that, you should be grateful. You could just as easily have spent months inside the mother.”
Ugh. That was a disgusting concept to consider.
But wait. Did this mean I’d have to learn how to walk and talk again? By the stars, I’d be treated like a child. I’d go through puberty again. Hell.
“You’re assuming this cycle will last long enough for you to grow up,” the anomaly said. “If we find the enemy whole’s avatar quickly enough, then the backlash will destroy this body long before then.”
So, this being had been responding to me.
Who are you? I snapped, intent on getting answers.
Shifting in place, the anomaly said, “My name is Creation.”
… How informative.
WHAT are you? I asked, wishing I could roll my eyes.
“I am a piece of my whole, splintered off to ensure you keep to our purpose,” Creation said. “I’m here to make sure you destroy your friend.”
So… you’re basically my babysitter, I said.
“In essence, yes.”
Well, that wouldn’t be annoying at all.
I was still fuming about this when I was returned to the other woman’s arms, although… given the context, perhaps I should start thinking of her as ‘mother’. I’d have to do that if I was to blend in here.
I refused to think of my true mother, massacred with my hometown years ago.
Soon enough, a man stepped into view, and when his face lit up on looking at me, I assumed he was ‘father’. That would be interesting. I’d never had a real father, just a man who’d abandoned me to a life in the slums.
“Isn’t he beautiful?” ‘mother’ said, glancing at the man.
As he gazed at me, ‘father’s’ eyes held nothing but wonder.
“Yes, he is,” he said.
Maybe… maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.
“Have you decided what we’ll call him?” ‘mother’ asked.
After a moment’s consideration, ‘father’ said, “His name is Gaelen.”
Gaelen. I liked it. A new life with a new name and a new family. When thinking about it like that, I realized what I had here.
If I kept my tragedies buried, I could become a different person now. Managed properly, I might even lead a happy life.
“Don’t forget why you’re here, Eriadren,” Creation said.
Except for that. Given enough time, that nuisance might become a problem.
Chapter 101: You're WHAT Now?
Rhylix, Raimie
Rhylix
“…might become a problem,” I finished with nary a flourish.
When Raimie stared at me without comprehension, I sighed.
“I’m stuck in a cycle, one that follows the same routine every time,” I said. “In each of them, I’m born into a new family, one that’s inevitably murdered. I find Arivor, kill him, and return to the bedrock of reality, the front for Ele and Daevetch’s Eternal War. Sometimes, I can find Arivor before he falls to Doldimar, and sometimes, as in this cycle, I arrive to find out that bastard has held sway for a while instead.”
With my words stolen from me, I clenched and unclenched my hands a few times before clearing my throat.
“He and I have done this… I don’t know how many times. I’ve lost count,” I said. “After a while, the years started blurring together, and frankly? For the last dozen cycles or so, I’d given up hope of fulfilling my promise to Arivor. I thought we’d never see an end to it, but then, you came along.”
I didn’t know what else to add, so settling into the leaves, I waited for Raimie’s reaction. I’d hoped to never have this Conversation with him… or at least, to be a lot vaguer with it, but Teron had started bearing down on him, and I couldn’t see a way to save his life without revealing myself.
“And here we are,” Creation said.
Yes, here we were again, although the circumstances were different this time. Usually, Creation was much more resistant to me having The Conversation with my ally, and I wasn’t sure why that had changed with Raimie.
Usually, my ally and I weren’t sitting near a cooling corpse either, but given our states of relative exhaustion, I hadn’t thought we could do much better than this.
“That explains what happened in the forest, when you were shot full of arrows,” Raimie said. “It means I killed you.”
“Technically? Ren killed me,” I said, “but yes, pulling the arrow out of my back did hasten that death along. Remember, though, that I asked you to do it.”
“Uh-huh.”
With nothing else, Raimie returned to contemplative, and I was left wondering when he’d express his outrage. Always, always my allies found offense in how much I’d hidden from them, not that I could blame them for it. They had a right to their anger.
Tapping his fingers on his lip, Raimie drawled, “So… have I been using the wrong name for you this whole time? Should I call you Eriadren instead?”
He was thinking of my comfort?
With a cough, I said, “No, Rhylix is fine. My name isn’t as important to me as it is to most people, although I appreciate you asking.”
And again, with the silence! I tried to fight through it, to give my friend the time he’d need, but eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Please, say something,” I whispered.
Glancing at me, Raimie shook his head.
“Honestly, Rhy, I have a lot of questions for you, but I don’t know where to start,” he said. “For instance. Is this what you meant when months ago, you said you wished Ele’s version of healing worked differently? That’s close to what you said, at least.”
I… barely remembered that conversation. It had taken place so long ago, and when I’d said what Raimie was referencing, I’d been in a highly emotional state, but that didn’t matter. I knew what he meant.
“You want me to explain Letting Go?” I asked, just to be clear.
When Raimie nodded, I looked away with a sigh.
“It’s an extension of the healing application you already know,” I said. “At times, an Ele primeancer can assume someone else’s wounds, but unlike with me, it takes a great deal of concentration and will for them. Also, if they do it, the transferred injury won’t heal like it would for me. That’s the singular benefit of my cursed existence.”
“I see,” Raimie said.
After a pause, he gestured at me.
“And I’d guess it’s still painful. The assumed injuries, I mean.”
With a smile at his awkwardness, I said, “Unfortunately, although that doesn’t bother me anymore. I’ve developed a high pain tolerance.”
Clicking his tongue, Raimie waved my reassurance away.
“Yeah, sure. I get that. Sometimes, I can ignore pain too, not that I’m trying to compare us,” he said. “That doesn’t make the pain just vanish, though. It has to go somewhere. All of which is to say that I can see why you wouldn’t want to use this power.”
Blinking, I tried to understand everything Raimie had said but… no. It wasn’t processing. Ignore pain? Not many people knew how to do that.
Perhaps it was best if I replied generally.
“Yes, that’s one reason for it,” I said, “but over the years, I’ve also learned that if I take someone’s injury from them, it inevitably leads to consequences for them. Save for rare exceptions, my patients die shortly afterward, usually due to something far worse than the malady I assumed from them.”
“That makes sense,” Raimie said. “Such powerful magic would have to come with a cost.”
Then, he swallowed hard, visibly summoning his courage.
“That’s why you haven’t fixed my dad’s paralysis, though, right?’ he asked.
Oh. Of course he was asking about the healing side of my story first.
“That’s right,” I gently said. “I’m sorry.”
Nodding to himself, Raimie abruptly stood. He cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at me.
“You’ve given me much to think about, and a lot of it makes me question if I even know you,” he said. “It’s a lot, as I said, so… I’m going to take a walk. Clear my head. While I’m doing that, though, you should get some rest. We’ll sleep here tonight, considering how little we could help the others right now. Taking some time to recover would be better for us, and we can figure out what happened with the battle in the morning.”
He paused, and with a heavy heart, I gave my friend the answer he was expecting.
“Sounds good.”
Slowly breathing out, Raimie jerked his head in a nod.
“Good night, then.”
He wandered into the trees as if in a daze, and while I’d like to follow so I could keep an eye on him, I stayed where I was.
“Give him time,” Creation said. “You know him. With time and space, he’ll understand.”
“I certainly hope so,” I said.
Because I didn’t know if I could bear to lose the only friend I’d made in millennia.
Raimie
“Do you get why I hate him now?” Dim asked. “By me, he’s such a cheater.”
With a frustrated growl, they reached out as if to strangle the air, and I sighed.
“Dim, please keep your opinions to yourself, just for a little while,” I absently said.
I couldn’t have them influencing me right now. To my great surprise, they didn’t protest my request, even if they made an ugly face at me.
That was one splinter taken care of.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Bright?” I asked, half-expecting they wouldn’t reply.
Boy, if they didn’t surprise me.
“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” they said. “Given what my whole…”
They paused to take a deep breath.
“Given… everything, letting him choose when and how to tell you seemed the least that I could do.”
An acceptable answer.
I didn’t know why I felt so cast adrift right now. I hadn’t been this detached in ages, and reaching a clear state was giving me much more trouble than usual.
Some small things were helping. The rustle of leaves in the breeze. The clean smell in the air. The colors that the sunset was painting across the sky.
When I’d woken up this morning, I hadn’t thought I’d see another of those. By now, I thought I’d be long dead, and a huge reason I wasn’t was because of Rhylix.
Why was I having such trouble with his revelation? This didn’t feel like a betrayal. I’d asked him to explain himself when he was good and ready, and once he’d given up the illusion that I was still in the dark about his secrets, he’d been nothing but honest with me about why he hadn’t wanted to share.
So, when he’d told me his truth, why had it felt like the ground had fallen out from beneath my feet? Was it the enormity of what he’d shared? Champion of Ele? How could I relate to a man who’d been fighting an unseen war for millennia?
Why did part of his situation resonate so highly with me? I wasn’t sure what that part could be. Maybe his despair at feeling trapped? That could relate to my situation with having the responsibility of ruling a kingdom forced on me, but… it didn’t feel quite right.
When Rhylix had shared about the pain that Reive had perpetrated through his sadistic experimentation, a part of me had cried kinship, which only confused me. I’d never been hurt like that. Never. Before finding Shadowsteal, my life had had the typical ups and downs, but besides those, it had been perfect.
Like I’d said, I didn’t know what the problem was. I looked at this dissonance in me, all raised when Rhylix had shared his secret, and had to wonder if he’d been right all those months ago. Maybe I did have a secret of my own, one I’d hidden from myself-
Does it matter? came from the depths of me.
And I stopped short, kicking up the leaves around me.
“…Nyl?” I said. “Is that you?”
As soon as the questions had left my mouth, I wanted to take them back because as I’d feared, my splinters turned toward me with concerned expressions in place. I waved for them to relax, all while cringing inside. It seemed a little strange that I’d care whether my invisible sources to Ele and Daevetch thought I was crazy, but… I did.
Once they'd returned to aggressively ignoring one another, I turned inward.
If that is you, Nyl, are you ok? I asked. Back with Teron, you seemed… upset.
I was aware of how much of an understatement that was, but I didn’t know how else to put it.
Can you blame me? came a grumble from inside.
It was him!
Suppressing a chuckle, I resumed my hike through the forest.
You didn’t answer the question, I said. Are you ok?
For the most part, Nylion said. Given time, I will stabilize again.
I bit off my questions about how I might help with that. Nylion had never liked me noticing when he was in pain.
How did communication between us open up again? I said instead. I thought getting to this point would require more internal work. Not that I’m complaining! Hearing directly from you again is wonderful.
I am enjoying it as well.
A wash of relief followed that statement, and we took a moment to revel in it before Nylion moved on.
In answer to your question, I am not sure. You are quite detached right now, so maybe that allowed me to break through the barrier. Is the cause important, though? Much as I understand your hesitancy about your friend, I would prefer it if you returned to him soon. In this place, he is the greatest source of safety that we will find.
That was a good point. Frowning, I made myself turn around so I could head back.
What do you think about all of this? I asked. Am I overreacting?
Nylion was quiet for a while, leaving me wondering whether our ability to communicate had suddenly failed. I was also curious why I’d asked for his opinion on this. He was my other half, yes, but even still, this problem didn’t seem like something I should bother him with.
I think…
When Nylion broke off, it brought to mind an image of him sucking on his lip, which had me softly laughing. He was always so hesitant and cautious when answering my questions, especially those that were sensitive in nature.
I think that long ago, you chose to be Rhylix’s friend, and that is not a decision you would have made lightly, he eventually said. So, while your discomfort about this is understandable, it is not what you should focus on. Instead, ask yourself. Do you still want to be his friend?
As Nylion had finished speaking, I’d stepped into the clearing that Rhylix had earlier led us to, and glancing over it, I approached him on silent feet. He’d fallen asleep, as I’d suggested, softly snoring with the tension that he normally carried wiped away.
“No nightmares tonight,” Bright said beside me. “That’s a relief.”
Eyeing them, I asked, “Why’s that?”
“He used a large piece of the whole today, and you heard what he told you. I’m sure you’ve surmised how highly connected he is to the state of the whole,” they said. “Spending as much of it as he did today… he’ll need to recover, which he couldn’t do with his typical nightmares interrupting his sleep.”
And he’d done all of that to keep those volunteers alive.
Would you look at that, Nyl? I said. As usual, you’re right.
He didn’t reply, but that was ok. As I sank to the ground beside a man I could never hope to understand, I smiled.
“I am honored to call Rhylix my friend.”
Rhylix
When next I woke up, it was because someone was jostling me, and with a decidedly inelegant snort, I shot upright with my hand on my sword’s hilt, scanning for danger. A glance around me revealed no threats, although it was bright beneath the forest’s canopy.
It was morning, which meant I’d gone an entire night without nightmares. How was that possible?
The wonder of this impossibility was pushed aside, however, in the face of the soon-to-come consequences of last night’s choices.
Standing over me, Raimie had his hands on his hips with his foot rapidly tapping.
“Finally,” he said. “Gods, you sleep like the dead, Rhy.”
I laughed at that, although I disguised it as a cough, and Raimie rolled his eyes.
“If you’re awake now, we should get going,” he said. “We have a lot to do today.”
Hell. He’d chosen rejection.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I breathed through my nose, releasing the pain that I felt on the exhale. I’d gotten well-practiced with this routine, although it was only used for the most extreme of things.
When I opened my eyes, Raimie had turned away, pacing across the clearing, and I watched him for a moment.
Then, I said, “I’m sorry to have distressed you. I will endeavor to remain in the shadows going forward, but unfortunately, I can’t remove myself from your presence. I-”
“Why would I want that?” Raimie asked.
Never having stopped pacing, he looked at me with a wrinkled nose, which was… odd.
“Because…”
Must I spell it out?
“Because you consider our friendship over, which is understandable,” I said. “I wouldn’t want to be friends with me-”
Raimie interrupted me again, but it was with a laugh this time. Slapping a hand to his mouth, he struggled to control himself, all while I tried to figure out what this was.
“Oh, Rhy… you think I hate you?” he said. “No! I could never do that. Last night, I just needed a moment to clear my head, and I took it. That’s all. You and me? We’re good.”
With a sharply indrawn breath, I just blinked at this unbelievable kid, and while I considered what he’d said, Creation leaned into view.
“I told you he’d understand,” they said.
And then, to my utter embarrassment, my shoulders started shaking, and I collapsed on myself, sobbing into my hands.
“Hey, hey, hey!”
Crashing through the leaves, Raimie rested a hand on my knee.
“It’s ok!” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”
“No!”
My face might already be coated in tears and mucus, but still, I lifted it to him.
“You don’t understand,” I said. “Countless times, I’ve told my story, and nobody, fucking nobody has-”
I cut off with a gasp, and with a lopsided smile, Raimie applied slight pressure to my knee.
“Accepted you or your reality?” he said. “Yeah. I gathered that, and it’s awful. I’m so sorry about that and every other horrific thing you’ve endured.”
This, something I’d always longed to hear, only made me break down further, and I didn’t know how long I lost it like this, but through it all, Raimie stayed with me, occasionally patting my knee.
When I eventually calmed down, scrubbing my face, Raimie rose to his full height, offering me a hand.
“Are you ready to go now?” he said. “I’d like to know how yesterday’s gloriously delightful events ended for everyone else.”
Thank the gods that he wouldn’t dwell on what had just happened.
With a manic giggle, I accepted Raimie’s help up.
“Yes. Let’s find out what sort of mess we need to clean up.”
With nothing further, I followed my real, honest to gods friend into a new day.
Chapter 102: Finding the Others
Raimie
When returning to the battlefield, I hadn’t been sure what to expect, but it certainly hadn’t been this. Save for notable exceptions, the scene was tranquil. Quiet. The only movement found here was in the sway of the nearby branches, the ruffle of tent cloth, and the bob of seemingly abandoned ships on the sea. I’d find it quite lovely if it weren’t for the bodies littering every bit of the ground between.
This sickening addition, combined with the rank smell twining through the air, made me glad that I had yet to fight free of yesterday’s detached state.
Beside me, Rhylix and my splinters were watching me with pinched eyes. Were they worried by my lack of a reaction to this?
What had they expected me to do? Lose what little of my last meal remained? Turn into a jittery mess and sink into the grass? Scream at humanity’s callous cruelty?
How I’d like to do any and all of these things, but I couldn’t let myself feel it now. I couldn’t feel anything until I knew what had happened.
So, I picked my way through bodies to the pitiful remnants of my people’s camp. What little tents had been left standing yesterday morning were half upright now, and so many firepits had been kicked into disrepair. I chose to focus on that instead of the familiar faces, screwed up from their final moments, that I passed.
On entering the camp, I turned in a circle before shaking my head.
“This doesn’t look good,” I said. “I’d hoped to find an indication of whether our people retreated but…”
There was nothing here. No clues to follow.
And I couldn’t ask my splinters for ideas. I’d been avoiding acknowledging them since last night. If I thought about them, I also had to consider the threat that they’d placed on my life by proxy.
“Maybe if we visit Tiro, we’ll find friendly faces there,” Rhylix said.
Grimacing, I said, “If we do that, you’ll have to leave me far away from the city. Pretty sure its residents are still primed to kill me on sight.”
Which would be wonderful to deal with going forward.
“Our people won’t be pleased to see me either, what with the revelation of my primeancy,” Rhylix said. “Do they know about yours?”
“My family, Gistrick, and Marcuset do. Not sure about the rest,” I said, “but I wouldn’t be surprised if the secret’s out for me too. I wasn’t exactly subtle yesterday.”
“Great,” Rhylix sighed, “and the complications abound.”
With a smirk, I nudged him.
“Like that’s new to you,” I said.
Rhylix just blinked at me, which I could understand. Since his first life, had anyone been close enough to tease him like that?
Still.
“What do we do?” I asked.
As if you have a choice, Nylion whispered with a laugh.
Somehow, I kept from flinching. Grateful as I was for the recent change with my other half, his random comments did catch me off guard at times.
“First, we return to cover. This display of death will surely draw rogue Kiraak to it soon,” Rhylix said, “but then, we’ll start toward Tiro. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find signs of the others before then, but if we don’t, the city will be our best shot at locating them.”
That was about what I’d thought.
“Today will be lovely, won’t it?” I sighed.
Rhylix laughed at that, and as we returned to the tree line, I let that noise lighten my mood. As we got closer to it, though, my friend caught my shoulder, pulling me to a stop.
Drawing his sword, he said, “There’s movement.”
Just fabulous. We’d have to fight before getting anywhere close to our goal.
When I sought out the disturbance Rhylix had mentioned, however, I relaxed.
“It’s fine, Rhy. Just some fabric hanging from a branch,” I said. “In fact…”
Pursing my lips, I squinted at that distant, flapping motion before grinning.
“I know exactly what that is.”
In the last week, I’d seen it used often enough.
Not long after this, we were heading toward yet another strip of cloth, hanging from a branch, when someone stepped out from behind a tree.
“Oswin!” I shouted with my arms spread wide. “There you are. Knew you’d be around here somewhere.”
“Here I am.”
Striding to me, Oswin took hold of my uniform’s collar, pulling me so close that our noses almost touched.
“You are the most difficult charge I’ve ever had to protect,” he said before releasing me.
It was so sudden that I stumbled backward, only stopped when he dragged me into a brief, bone-crushing hug.
“I’m glad you’re ok,” he whispered in my ear.
When I was freed from this, he’d returned to his usual self.
“What’s the plan, sir?”
Still a little caught out, I coughed, giving myself time to gather my thoughts.
“That will depend on what happened here,” I said, inclining my head toward an abandoned battlefield. “How many of us got away?”
With a bright grin, Oswin said, “The majority, actually. It was strange. Not long after you left me, we started retreating, and soon after that, it was like the life drained out of the Kiraak. They stopped pursuing us, going dead in their tracks—”
“—and that’s where my people came in.”
Coming from the opposite direction as Oswin, Ren advanced on the three of us, almost in a swagger.
“I see you found him,” she said.
Nodding to her brother, she turned to me, and I wondered why I exhaled with relief at seeing her safe.
“I joined up with my neighbors shortly after Rhy and your volunteers finished their heroic stand. Apparently, Dury had sent them out shortly after changing his mind,” she said. “Some of us guided the volunteers to Tiro while the rest helped your army with clean up. Listless as they were, leaving no Kiraak standing was easy, and given their addled state, I have to ask. Is Teron…?”
When she lifted her eyebrows suggestively, I knew I was supposed to respond to her, but for some reason, I could do nothing more than stare.
Why was I so happy to see her? Sure, I’d been worried about her during the battle. Who wouldn’t feel like that about an ally? This reaction to her presence—my inability to tear my eyes off of her face—seemed excessive, though.
After an awkward pause, Rhylix cleared his throat.
“The Enforcer’s dead. Raimie killed him.”
That drew my gaze away. I most certainly hadn’t done that.
Rhylix, however, refused to recognize my incredulous stare, instead turning to Oswin.
“Let me fill you in on our side of the story while Ren finishes with yours,” he said.
Oswin did not like this idea—I could tell—but even still, he smiled.
“An efficient use of our time, I suppose,” he said. “Sir. Can I trust you to stay here and not get yourself in trouble?”
Here, he flicked his eyes to Ren, and I frowned. What sort of trouble could she cause?
“I’ll do my best,” I said.
With an explosive sigh, Oswin said, “All right.”
He followed Rhylix out of sight, leaving me alone with Ren. Meanwhile, she was looking at me with saucers for eyes, and I wasn’t sure why.
“You killed an Enforcer?” she nearly screeched.
Oh. That was why.
Did I dare refute Rhylix’s claim? What if he’d intentionally given me credit for the kill? I didn’t know why he’d have done that, but he must have had a reason.
To be safe, I shrugged one shoulder at Ren, sheepishly smiling, but I said not a word.
“That’s amazing!” she exclaimed. “Once news of this spreads, Dury can’t keep you out of the city.”
And now, I felt awful, although I was glad to hear that one of my future problems had already been fixed.
“It just happened. No big deal, and honestly, I’d rather not talk about it,” I said. “So, tell me what happened after you… cleaned out the forest.”
I knew the massacre had been necessary, both to maintain Tiro’s secrecy and to ensure my people’s safety, but that didn’t mean I was happy about the loss of life.
“Are my people safe?” I asked.
“Oh!”
Ren seemed confused about why I wouldn’t want the accolades for something she considered unbelievable, but fortunately, she left that alone.
“Yes, everyone who survived the battle is ok,” she said. “I led them to Tiro and- whoa!”
At the confirmation of their safety, I’d started swaying, and when my legs gave out, Ren rushed to catch me, which was strange. I welcomed her help, but hell, if my chest didn’t unpleasantly tighten at the contact of her skin on mine.
Also, why was I having such a strong reaction to the news she’d shared?
The soldiers… are like family, Nylion said. The one… we wanted.
Why did he sound so distracted?
Didn’t matter.
Hastily extracting myself from Ren, I cleared my throat a few times, brushing down everywhere she’d touched, and gradually, my heart rate slowed back down.
“Thank you for telling me,” I gruffly said. “I’m glad they’re ok.”
Ren was watching me with an odd look in her eye, one I didn’t know how to interpret.
“You truly care for them. I thought so before but this…”
As she trailed off, I cocked my head.
“Of course I do,” I said. “They are like- like family.”
Hell. Nylion had been right.
Now, I could read Ren’s expression. Her features had hardened into the most determined of lines, and before I could figure out why, she muttered.
“Fuck it.”
Then, she grabbed my shoulders while rising to my height, all while pressing her lips to mine.
If I’d had a strange reaction to her previous touch, this one was brutal. A hysterical shriek started in my mind, building until it was all I could hear, and my skin went cold and clammy while my stomach started bucking and-
As abruptly as these sensations had appeared, they vanished, leaving me… bereft, for some reason, and confused. What the hell had that-?
Wait. Ren was kissing me.
This thought permeated my mind as thoroughly as that strange shriek, and for a time, I could only look at it, turning it so I could see it from every angle. What… did this mean?
Before I could move beyond that question, Ren pulled away with a wince.
“Sorry,” she said. “I couldn’t help-”
Reaching out, I tangled my fingers in her hair—gods, it felt as amazing as I’d been imagining—and leaned down. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, watching myself move as if someone else was controlling my body, until my lips met hers, and after that, so much heat blasted through me that I couldn’t give the conundrum conscious thought.
Not right now.
Gods, it wasn’t enough. Releasing one hold on her hair, I laid my hand on the small of her back, tugging her close, and when she gasped, I took advantage, and hell.
It still wasn’t enough.
Then, Ren’s hands were on me while she kissed me back, which only made this hunger worse. Damn, it was strong, and I didn’t know how to satisfy it. I didn’t-
Raimie, please! came a wail from deep inside.
Nylion’s voice froze me solid, which Ren noticed. With her face entirely red, she backed off while I touched my lips. What had that been?
“Damnit. You do like her.”
Spinning fast enough to make myself dizzy, I found Oswin at my back, looking at me like I was a disobedient puppy. When had he snuck up on me?
Crossing his arms, he said, “I told you not to cause trouble.”
“I… I don’t-”
I didn’t know what to say. What had just happened? Why had it felt amazingly, wonderfully right and yet, oh so wrong?
“Oh, give him a break. He didn’t start it.”
Flinching, I said, “Rhy. Hell. I’m…”
I’d just repaired my relationship with him, and here I went, messing it up again by kissing his sister. That was considered a violation of our friendship in this context, right?
Laughing under his breath, Rhylix raised a hand.
“It’s fine. You and Ren are adults, perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves,” he said. “Besides, she seemed to like it. Isn’t that right, Ren?”
The three of us turned to her, although I was cringing while doing so, and at the attention on her, Ren drew her parted mouth into a thin line while the distraction in her eyes relented to a glare.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but… yes.”
For that last bit, she glanced at me, which had heat rising in my face, and I couldn’t stop it. Why couldn’t I stop it?
“There we go. A delightful outcome all around,” Rhylix said. “Ren? Don’t you have something you should be doing? Maybe let Tiro know why the army of Kiraak at their doorstep fell to pieces? That might make our welcome there a bit… warmer, so to speak. I can lead these two to the city, taking the long way around.”
With a cough, Ren said, “Right. Yes. I- I’ll see you all later?”
But the question seemed mostly directed at me. I mutely nodded, freeing her to melt into the trees, and I only found my voice again once she’d left.
“What the hell was that?” I harshly whispered.
That question had been meant for myself, but Rhylix lifted an eyebrow at me anyway.
“You… kissed her,” he said. “Pretty self-explanatory.”
“Yes. Of course. That part is,” I said, rolling my eyes, “but why would I do that? I don’t understand what came over me. Why…?”
Now, Rhylix was frowning at me with his eyebrows drawn together.
“Have you never…?” he said as if to himself.
Never what?
Fortunately, Oswin didn’t find this confusing, although he still looked upset.
Sighing, he said, “Sir, you like her. Really, truly like her. As men sometimes do with women and occasionally, other men, Alouin, this’ll make things so much more complicated.”
I still didn’t understand. Of course I liked Ren. She was smart, could defend herself, and kind, once you got past her abrasive outside. How did liking her lead to kissing?
A loud, internal groan rattled through my head.
Please, do not fret too highly over this, heart of my heart. I will explain everything later, Nylion said. For now, let us focus on getting somewhere safe. Yes?
That was right. I needed to get back to my family, both the old and the new.
“I’ll have to take your word on that, Oswin,” I said. “In the meantime, we should head for Tiro. I still need to take stock of everything. So?”
When neither of my friends moved, I scowled at them.
“Rhy…?” I drawled. “You need to lead the way?”
Shaking himself, Rhylix glanced at Oswin.
“I need to ask you some questions later,” he said.
Fortunately, though, he didn’t delay further, setting off into the forest. I should follow him, but before I could, a temporarily forgotten worry came to mind, and I wanted to smack myself for letting it go for so long.
As Oswin passed me, I grabbed his wrist with my throat working.
“Oswin,” I said, “about the primeancy that Rhy and I displayed…”
I glanced toward my rapidly disappearing friend while the spy removed my hand on him.
“Not to worry, sir. While you were gone, me and my people worked our own kind of magic,” he said, “although those efforts were greatly helped by everything you two did during the battle. Not many people are willing to rip their saviors apart, no matter what they might be. For now, the soldiers will give you the benefit of the doubt, although you’ll need to keep an eye on Tiro’s citizens. So, please. Until this situation dies down, no more running off on your own, and… no more trouble. Understand?”
That I was walking on precariously thin ice right now? That I needed to avoid Ren like crazy for a while?
“Yes,” I said.
As Oswin released a held breath, Nylion laughed inside.
So… life will continue as normal, with its constant peril and all, he said. How gratifying to see that nothing changes.
Much as I wanted to click my tongue at him, I ignored him instead, hurrying after Rhylix. Together, he and I had far too much work to do, but I wasn’t worried about it. For once, I had the resources and abilities to face life’s challenges with confidence.
Chapter 103: Finishing Touches
Nylion, Rhylix
Nylion
In the dark of night, I waited for my target to come home. Raimie had fallen asleep not long ago, which had let me take control with relative ease. I hated doing this, limiting its recurrences as much as possible, but I had a final threat to address.
Earlier today, we’d arrived in Tiro. Our reception here had been lukewarm at best, but to me, this had been preferable. With it, we hadn’t attracted attention, even as our soldiers had readily acknowledged every sacrifice we’d made for them.
If only they knew how much we’d suffered… but considering Raimie was still in the dark about that, I couldn’t blame everyone else for their ignorance.
I’d kept a careful watch while Raimie had greeted the commanders. Thankfully, things with Marcuset had resolved well. Other than a few gruff comments about us keeping too many secrets, he’d seemed quite proud of Raimie, which had been a relief. I hadn’t looked forward to having that man as an enemy.
Gistrick had been a different story. While he hadn’t been hostile toward us, he had acted in a distant manner, which concerned me. I’d have to keep an eye on him.
But then, it had come time to reunite with Eledis and Aramar, our ‘family’, and I… I was ashamed to admit that I’d fled. I’d tried to pay attention while Raimie had said hello, but it had been too much for me, especially after everything that had happened over the last few days.
Soon enough, though, that unpleasant task had been concluded, and Raimie had finally gone to sleep, leaving me free to complete my business.
“This is a bad idea, Nylion,” Chaos said beside me. “You shouldn’t keep secrets from him.”
Sighing through my nose, I settled deeper into my seat, never ceasing my fingers’ tap on the desk in front of me.
You surprise me, Chaos, I said. Is not Deception and all other types of concealment a part of Daevetch?
“Of course they are, but this? Not talking to him? It’s not wise.”
I knew that. Trust me, I knew, but Chaos didn’t understand. I didn’t think they ever could understand.
So, instead of explaining how much I was protecting Raimie right now, I said, I will eventually tell him, just not now. He is not ready for this. He is nearly there, but… not entirely. Not yet.
And that was the truth. At the moment, Raimie was too blithely innocent to know about the underhanded and sordid things I did for us. Over the last year, he’d come to recognize that his high ethical standards prevented him from doing everything that we must for survival, but even now, he clung to them. Maybe soon, he’d loosen those standards, enough for me to share.
Not yet, though.
He was definitely nowhere close to ready when it came to knowing the full truth of our lives.
Across the room, the door opened—it had taken the bastard long enough to come home—and I waited for Tanwadur to notice me. He was halfway across the room before he did, and when it happened, he went for a drawer in a sideboard.
Clicking my tongue, I wagged a finger at him.
“Do not waste the effort,” I said. “I have already disposed of all weapons in this place.”
Tensing, Tanwadur faced me.
“What do you want?” he snapped. “Come to rub your victory in my face?”
“Not at all.”
When I straightened in my seat, Tanwadur flinched, which only made me sigh.
“Please, relax, “I said. “Despite your preconceived notions, I am not here to hurt you. Doing that would gain me nothing.”
It took a moment, but eventually Tanwadur accepted what I’d said, coming to sit opposite me.
“Why are you here, then?” he said.
“Simply put, to ensure that you cause… me no further problems.”
Gods, speaking in the singular was still uncomfortable.
“I know you will be tempted to undermine me now. Perhaps in the coming days, you will want to try a coup or something equally as damaging. I am here to present you with a better option.”
Tanwadur’s lips tightened—not a good sign—while he drew himself up.
“Which is?” he growled.
Leaning forward, I folded my hands on the man’s desk.
“Tiro has a food problem,” I said, “and during my soon to come activities, I am certain to liberate such food from the current people in power. I thought we could come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. You provide my people with a base of operations in Tiro, and I will feed its residents.”
It was a good deal, to my mind at least, but Tanwadur only sneered at it.
“You’re as horrible and manipulative as I thought,” he spat. “Who’d hold a source of sustenance over so many people’s heads? Not to mention how impossible refusing you would be with your army already inside Tiro’s walls.”
“Which is why I came to you tonight. Alone,” I snapped.
I took a deep breath, letting it calm me down. I didn’t know why Tanwadur was being so unreasonable, but it was irritating.
“I am not holding anything over your head. If you refuse my people sanctuary, I will do what I can to see that Tiro is fed, and I will lead my army away without a fuss.”
True, because no matter my opinion on these matters, Raimie would see that these things were done.
“I am trying to make things easier for everyone. With this arrangement, perhaps the people of Tiro would be more willing to accept me and mine. I am merely trying to avoid further violence, unintentional as it may be on both sides.”
For a moment, Tanwadur considered what I’d said before shaking his head.
“No, I can’t believe you’d be so reasonable,” he said. “Considering who you and your family are-”
Wincing, I snapped, “If anyone knows how despicable my family is, it is me.”
I had to bite my tongue to keep a sob from emerging, but when I could, I continued.
“I am trying to change that. I do not want to be like them.”
As those words boomed around us, tears filled my eyes, and I swiped at them. I couldn’t show such weakness now.
“You are right, though. I know how unbelievable this sounds,” I said. “You should not answer me now. Take some time to consider my proposal.”
When I got to my feet, Tanwadur hastily joined me.
“This concludes my business with you,” I said, “although…”
I wasn’t sure if I should add anything more, but if certain things continued in the same manner, I should clear the way for Raimie.
“I would remind you that your daughter is a wise and capable woman,” I said. “She can make her own decisions, especially when it comes to who she allies with.”
I wasn’t looking forward to having that conversation with Raimie. When it came to certain matters of the heart, there was a very good reason that he was clueless, and I was apprehensive of what might happen if he continued down his current path with Ren.
With his face darkening, Tanwadur said, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I spread my arms wide, grinning.
“Exactly what it sounded like.”
Then, I fell out of the open window behind me. I’d planned to leave this way, so I landed in a controlled manner, even if when I rose, I found Chaos shaking their head at me.
“Always so dramatic,” they said.
Only because drama worked best in most situations when I was in control.
Pulling from Chaos, I formed a Daevetch bubble around myself, ignoring the influx of inaudible dialogue that popped into being around me as a result, but that was easy. I was used to that sort of thing. Even still, I hated using this ability, mostly because Chaos showered me with disapproval when I did.
I swore that, especially in recent day, they’d been acting more like an Ele splinter than one belonging to Daevetch, all to protect their precious ‘Balancer’. Not that I’d ever tell them that. I could only imagine the absolute mess that would come from that comment.
Still. Why couldn’t they see that everything I did was to protect Raimie as well? He was my everything. I would do what I must to keep him safe.
Including slinking, invisible, to where my people had set up camp. Hopefully, Oswin wouldn’t have noticed my absence from Raimie’s tent, but… I couldn’t bring myself to face him again. I couldn’t bear to hear him call me ‘Raimie’. Not tonight.
So. If he’d noticed my absence, I’d let Raimie handle it. It was something small that he could shoulder for me.
Rhylix
Several days after the battle, I found myself alone and unnoticed enough to use Ele. Finally, I’d have time to tie up the threads left dangling from my last conversation with Raimie.
Making a final leap, I balanced on one of the beams that made up the lattice hiding Tiro. Why in the void had Raimie decided to come up here, so far from the ground?
At least it would ensure that we had privacy.
Slowly, I made my way across the beam, refusing to look down, and when I reached my friend, he craned his neck to look up at me from where he was lying.
“Hey, Rhy! I was wondering when you’d find me,” he said. “Care to join me?”
As he gestured to the beam in front of him, he sat up, and I made a face.
“Can we go somewhere else?” I said. “Maybe somewhere a little closer to the ground?”
With shock painted across his face, Raimie held a hand in front of his mouth.
“Why, Rhy! Are you afraid of heights?”
Huffing, I rested my hands on my hips.
“If you must know, yes,” I said. “Neither of us would survive a fall from this height, and I don’t want to die like that. Not again.”
Gods, talking like this with him felt strange.
With a frown, Raimie said, “I’d think it would be quick.”
“Yeah, you keep thinking that.”
When I glanced through a hole in the ivy between us, I shifted in place, and Raimie winced.
“Sorry. Of course we can move,” he said. “I just find this height freeing. No one besides you is likely to look for me so far in the air, not even Oswin.”
As he stood, he made a face, which I could only laugh at.
“Getting sick of having a bodyguard already?” I said.
Brushing his hands off, Raimie peered at me through his hair’s fringe.
“You know I am,” he said. “Alouin love Oswin for everything he’s doing, but hell, if it isn’t suffocating at times.”
He led the way toward a rock shelf, jutting out from the mountain, and when we stepped onto this solid patch of ground, perhaps he noted how much my shoulders had lowered from my ears because he flopped onto it.
Spreading his hands, he said, “So?”
With a chuckle, I got comfortable before pressing my fingers together.
“How are you holding up?” I said. “Things have been stressful lately.”
“Yes. Who’d have thought I’d be more afraid for my life after the battle than during it?” Raimie said with a snort. “That’s getting better, though. People are starting to discount the tales of me using primeancy during the battle. It’s amazing how willing they’ve been to ignore it. Not sure how comfortable I am with that.”
“At least you have their ignorance.”
I shook my head to stop Raimie from apologizing.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “I am exceptionally good at surviving when people are hunting me, even when living among them.”
I chose to keep quiet about the harassment I’d already received. Thankfully, it hadn’t gotten violent yet, but that would come soon enough.
“I heard Tanwadur’s letting us stay in Tiro,” I said. “Your doing?”
For some reason, this made Raimie scowl.
“No. I don’t know why he’s allowing it, and given that he seems more unhappy with me than before, it makes me uneasy.”
Hmm. How curious. Add that to my long list of Raimie-related items that I should investigate.
“But…” he continued in a drawl, “right now, that doesn’t matter. I have somewhere to start this mission of freeing Auden from. Hell if I know how to actually do that, though.”
I gave him time to think, watching him stare at his hands in his lap.
“They look at me with such trust, Rhy,” he said. “Sure, I helped get them through their first week in this land, but that’s nothing when compared to everything that’s left. How will I keep them safe?”
Oh… well did I know this look. Only the best of my allies had worn it, and somehow, seeing it on Raimie didn’t surprise me. When I rested my hand on the stone in front of my friend’s knee, he focused on me.
“First of all, we take it a step at a time,” I said. “So, think with me. When it comes to planning our next move, what do we most need?”
Without hesitation, Raimie said, “Better intel. We can’t know where or how to start our resistance if we don’t learn how Doldimar is controlling Auden.”
That answer had come much more quickly than I’d expected, but really. By now, surprises like this from Raimie should be normal for me.
“Exactly,” I said. “And how do we get it?”
This question gave Raimie pause.
“Ask for details from Tiro’s citizens first,” he said. “I’ve already been doing that, but they’re cut off from the rest of Auden. They glean enough information to help refugees escape from Harvested towns, but that’s all. No one knows which Enforcer controls which region, something that shifts quite often I’m told, and that’s just the first piece we’ll need.”
He’d been thinking about this. Good.
“In my experience, the best way to remedy our lack of knowledge is to establish a spy network throughout the kingdom,” I said. “Oswin could help with that. Yes?”
When Raimie nodded, I could practically see the wheels turning in his mind.
“And while that’s happening, we can spread our influence in small ways,” he said. “We’ll start slow. Maybe by taking that nearby fort for ourselves?”
“Not a bad place to begin,” I said, “but remember. In this, you need only focus on one thing: getting me close to Doldimar. If you can mask my presence long enough to accomplish that goal, I can do my thing, thereby handing Auden to you on a silver platter. Trust me. Without their leader, the rest of his government will fall to pieces.”
I’d expected this to relieve Raimie. After all, I’d simplified a seemingly impossible task for him, but instead, he leaned away, frowning at me.
“What about what you were saying before?” he asked. “Ending the cycle that you’re caught in, yeah? How will a repeat of previous cycles end with anything but the eventual beginning of another?”
With a sharp inhale, I blinked at Raimie. I hadn’t thought he’d comprehended everything I’d told him on the night I’d shared my story. I’d thought it might have gotten lost in his shock, and I’d been grateful for that.
Because if he didn’t know how much hope he gave me, I didn’t have to acknowledge it either.
Here we were, though, with him refusing to let me trudge on in misery. Again.
Licking my lips, I carefully said, “I believe that in the process of reaching Doldimar, something new will come along to change things, something concerning you. I’ve never seen a dual primeancer like you before, Raimie, and I’ve certainly never considered that combining the primal forces, as you have, would be possible. You give me hope, my friend.”
With wide eyes, Raimie nervously chuckled.
“No pressure,” he said.
“It shouldn’t be, though,” I said. “It’s not something you should think about, honestly. Instead, you can help me with something else that’s related, and in so doing, you’ll help with my predicament.”
Thank the gods, that idea helped Raimie relax.
“Sure. I’ll always help you,” he said with a sloppy smile. “What do you need?”
Now, I was curious whether I could say this next part out loud. I’d tried in the past—once, shortly before I’d surrendered to a mindless obedience of my role—but at the time, Creation had stopped me, overriding my decision to express a need I’d always had. At the time, it had been the last thing required for my breaking.
This time, they were looking away from me, almost in deliberate ignorance, so I decided to try again.
“My experiment, completed so long ago, was done to save the life of a boy I loved like a son,” I said. “Instead, it caused my world’s end, both personally and globally: the start of the first primeancy calamity, and all of the ones since then? Also my fault, even if I ended them too.”
I was nowhere close to finished, but leaning forward, Raimie cut in.
“Wait. You’re the Eselan Preserver from the tales?” he said before shaking his head. “Given everything else, I shouldn’t be surprised. You know he was my hero growing up, right?”
And that pained me, more than he could know. Sooner or later, he’d understand all of the awful things his ‘hero’ had done.
Still, I smiled.
“At least I brought someone joy,” I said.
Raimie must have heard something in my voice because he settled back on his hand with a grimace.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said. “You were saying?”
What had I been saying?
“You were telling him your end goal,” Creation said.
Right. Given how often they’d stopped me from sharing this before, why had they reminded me of it now?
Did that matter?
Leaning back until I could see the stars, I stared at them for a while, enjoying the quiet.
Eventually, though, I said, “I’m so tired, Raimie. So much pain and death… it’s destroyed who I was and anything good I could have been. So many of my loved ones have died that when it happens now, I feel nothing but resignation.”
Lowering my head, I met Raimie’s eyes.
“Don’t let my moroseness worry you, though. I don’t want to die. I just want the cycle to end, both for myself and the world. When the primal forces gained a link to the physical world, it threw reality’s balance into chaos. Their Eternal War has spilled into our realm, and the suffering it’s caused…”
It could never be properly explained or described. Best to move on.
So, I forged forward, and for the first time in millennia, I spoke my heart’s desire.
“I want to right this disbalance, Raimie, and I need your help to do it.”
Chapter 104: Hello, I'm the Villain
Doldimar
The woman in front of me was making a noise I refused to acknowledge. I’d gotten used to their screams so long ago that I couldn’t remember when it had happened. If I was to cling to a modicum of sanity, I'd had to.
Instead, I’d learned to hear that awful noise as music.
So, when I once more sent a sliver of Daevetch through a split in her skin, I only heard her sing a note of Pain. As I guided it toward her head, that note changed pitch, heading toward a tone I hated, but no matter how much I fought against this, the slide tipped over into the silence of Death.
Growling, I fed her more Daevetch, hoping to resume the song, but it did nothing, nothing, NOTHING.
“Stop, silly man,” said a despised voice. “She was too weak. Unfortunate but unchangeable.”
Spinning, I roared in Corruption’s face, but this didn’t faze them.
With a slow blink, they said, “I don’t know why you’re so upset. Lindow’s Harvest yielded many of your ‘Kiraak’. Was that not your goal?”
Maybe. I found it difficult to remember what that was at times.
“I don’t care about that,” I said. “I want the nightmare to stop, and this task helps with that, unlike you. You said you’d make it stop.”
“That’s not true,” Corruption said. “I only promised you’d forget your nightmares, not that they’d stop or that your life would change.”
While I might sometimes forget my purpose, I’d never forget how much I wanted to destroy this asshole.
Sighing, they inspected their fingernails.
“As always, I’ve kept my promise,” they said. “For your sake, I hope you keep yours.”
The black heat building inside of me transformed into something bright and bubbly, and throwing my head back, I attuned myself to it, howling with laughter.
“Two beings of… Daevetch… quibbling about… promises.”
Within heartbeats, my laughing fit grew fierce enough that I fell to the floor, beating a fist against it, and after a while, Corruption clicked their tongue.
“Get up,” they said. “You have a visitor.”
As if a gate had slammed into place, I cut off my laughter, leaping to my feet with shadows coating my hands, but the invader to my sanctum was just a kid, shivering in his boots.
He was right to do that, of course. I was the villain in this story.
When he refused to say anything for several moments, I growled, “The fuck do you want?”
To my great amusement, this snapped the kid to attention.
“Forgive me, great one,” he said. “I bring news from the Outskirts.”
The Outskirts? Who was managing that pointless place right now?
When I remember, I said, “What is Teron doing, bothering me again? I swear! That idiot gets startled over the smallest things.”
The kid said nothing, and rolling my eyes, I beckoned at him.
“Well? The report?’
“For-forgive me, great one, but…”
Licking his lips, the kid had to gather his courage before he could continue, all while I impatiently waited. He’d better hurry it up. I needed something new to amuse myself with.
“Enforcer Teron is dead,” he eventually said.
Now, that was a surprise. Much as I might complain about that man’s constant vigilance for danger, it had served him well. He’d been one of the first Enforcers that I’d created after conquering this silly kingdom, and with him dead, only one of them remained.
“All right,” I said. “Who’s the Outskirt’s new Enforcer, then?”
I couldn’t wait to hear this bit of news.
No really. Didn’t every villain enjoy hearing about how his minions fought amongst themselves?
In case it hadn’t been obvious, I was being sarcastic.
“Forgive me again, great one, but… no one has taken over.”
For a moment, my heart skipped a beat while I circled this anomaly. Could it be…?
“Interesting,” I said, suddenly serious. “Continue.”
Nervously, the kid swallowed.
“There was a battle. We were defending against invaders from across the sea,” he said. “Our victory was assured, but the enemy leader… he drew Enforcer Teron away from the battle. I noticed this and followed them, hoping to help if I could. I watched the fight, watched my Enforcer snare the enemy leader in a Vice-”
Here, the kid hiccupped to a stop, as well he should. The Vice was mine and mine alone, an important part of creating Kiraak, and I couldn’t have any of my ambitious Enforcers making their own soldiers.
In this case, Teron’s ability to wield a Vice was immaterial. He was dead, so I flicked my fingers for the kid to continue.
“Some time after Enforcer Teron captured the enemy leader, one of his allies came to the rescue. They fought, and while my Enforcer was distracted, the enemy leader… broke his Vice.”
“Broke it?” I interrupted. “You’re sure?”
When the kid nodded, I frowned, ignoring the kid’s resulting cringe. This kept getting more fascinating.
“Understandably, Enforcer Teron refocused on the enemy leader,” the kid continued. “He tried to kill the leader, but that man’s ally moved in front of the blow, which I don’t understand. Why would anyone do that?”
His confusion didn’t matter, not with cold certainty settling in my gut.
“Stepping over the body, Enforcer Teron meant to finish the job when-”
“White light flashed from out of nowhere, the leader’s ally got up, and with seeming ease, he killed Teron,” I softly said.
After a pause, the kid said, “Yes.”
Silence reigned in my sanctum, but this one didn’t belong to Death. It could be accredited to something else entirely.
“Finally,” I whispered.
Spinning away from the kid, I meant to start making new plans when the kid cleared his throat, making me shoot a glare his way.
“The ally…” he said, “he gave me something for you.”
…He had? That was unusual.
With a huff, I said, “Well, why didn’t you say so? Give it here.”
Extending a hand, I tapped my foot while the kid retrieved an envelope from his breast pocket, giving it to me with a shaking hand, but his insignificant presence dropped from my awareness as I unfolded the letter.
With eager eyes, I read:
A,
I may have found a way out.
-E
And in a hastily scribbled postscript.
Don’t hurt the kid. He was smart enough to stick with Teron, follow me after the bastard’s death, and attack me once my guard was down. When knocking him unconscious, I almost had to try. Kid’s got potential.
My breath trembled as it rushed from me, the real me, and I lowered the letter. A way out? Could my old friend have actually done it? If he had…
Corruption could never know what I’d read.
Storming to a nearby fire, I stuck the letter into it, never minding how it was also licking at my flesh. Once the paper was ash, I withdrew a blackened husk with a giggle, and as I pattered my hands together, char dusted the air around me.
“Oooo! This’ll be so exciting!” I shouted. “We have our hero once more! I wonder what his first move will be.”
With a sigh, Corruption said, “Don’t get distracted yet. You still have a visitor to deal with.”
That was right!
Turning on the kid, I said, “Seems I have an opening among my Enforcers. How’d you like to have the position?”
And as terror took root in the boy, I could only cackle, long and loud and perfectly in tune with Madness’ pitch.
When Friends Collide
A novella, set after Eriadren's story in The Undying Champions
1
Mycella, Gaelen
Mycella
I’d lost my son again.
This situation wasn’t that unusual, as Gaelen was highly independent and much more self-sufficient than any four-year-old had a right to be. Long ago, I’d learned to give him space, but today, his disappearing act might be a problem.
Today, we were among the humans.
As I raced through their castle with a mop resting on my shoulder, I found myself muttering under my breath—
“Come on, come on. Where are you, Gaelen?”
—and sealed my lips shut. Speaking was an infraction that the humans would find unacceptable. It was bad enough that I was delaying with today’s assigned task. If they stumbled across me and I was doing something more, the consequences could range from nothing to… bad.
So, I was quiet while searching empty rooms, always listening for the sound of my son’s distinctive voice.
I heard it quickly enough, to my relief. Maybe I could finish the momentous task of mopping the castle’s floors in time to get the evening with my son tonight. Considering it was the only day every month when Gaelen got to leave creche, I’d like that.
I eagerly followed the sound of his voice, even if I couldn’t make any sense of what he was saying.
“I know, Creation.”
There was a pause, as if he was listening to someone.
“Maybe I could get more practice if you left me alone.”
Another pause.
“Alouin above. Fine!”
Why did he sound so much older than his short four years?
A crash filled the hall, coming from one of the rooms ahead, and dropping my mop, I sprinted for it. I careened through a doorway, only to see Gaelen struggling to sit up from where he’d collapsed beside a wall, and a shout sprang unbidden from my lips.
“Gaelen!”
Then, I was rushing across the room and kneeling beside him, hovering my hands over his body.
“Honey! Are you ok?”
Gaelen
“-you ok?” came swirling to me through a haze of pain.
No, mamma, my leg! was what I wanted to say in response.
Instead, I bit my tongue to contain those words, letting salty liquid light my mouth like a fire on the darkest of nights. Telling my mother that I’d again broken a bone would be a bad idea, especially when any minute now, Restoration would roll over my body and-
As if summoned, muted light flared for three breaths, and as it faded, it took my pain with it. I grabbed my mother’s reaching hands, hoping beyond hope that she hadn’t seen what had happened.
“I’m ok. Nothing hurts,” I said.
Fortunately, she was turned my way with none of the alarm or wonder on her face that I’d expect from someone who’d seen a miracle. Gathering me to her, she breathed into my hair.
“Thank, Alouin.”
Then, she thrust me away.
“What were you thinking?” she said. “By now, you should know to stay near me while we’re in this place!”
Ah, yes. ‘This place’. Once the hub for a vast empire, it hosted a squabbling band of humans now, one of the many ‘tribes’ that had become prevalent in recent years.
I couldn’t let my thoughts about this situation show right now, though.
With a rueful grin, I said, “I’m sorry, momma. I wanted to explore.”
Which was somewhat true. I was still looking for somewhere to practice new techniques, even this many years into a new life.
Clicking her tongue, my mother hugged me again before getting to her feet.
“That’s all right, honey. I know how curious you can be,” she said. “Try to stick with me for the rest of the day, though, ok? I’d like to get home in time for dinner tonight.”
I’d like that too, so it was with little protest that I smiled and made my promise.
Mama helped me up, and after taking my hand, she tugged me back to where I’d left her, not an hour before. As we moved along, I trotted beside her, keeping up as best I could, but my mother was in a hurry, and my legs were short. Before long, I tripped, landing on my knees, and despite my best intentions, I couldn’t stay here.
From somewhere in my head, I could feel my lip trembling, tracing a teardrop as it fell across my cheek, but all I could focus on was how unfair all of this was. I missed my old body, the one with legs I’d grown accustomed to and a voice that wouldn’t make me blush every time I used it. In this new one, I forgot myself all the time, switching to the cadence of step that I’d spent decades walking, and this mistake inevitably landed me flat on my face.
The older boys in creche loved it when I did that, teasing me mercilessly, and so help me, if they put my shoes somewhere I couldn’t reach again, I’d show them what I’d learned in the war…
The war. With so much blood and death and SCREAMING—
The next thing I knew, my mother was lowering me to the tile floor, and I blinked. When had we gotten here? Had I-?
I’d blanked again, hadn’t I? Hell.
With a sigh, I resisted the urge to scrub my face, padding to retrieve a bucket and mop instead. As I joined my mother in scrubbing the floors, she didn’t comment on another of my terrifying lapses in consciousness, times when I knew she couldn’t get a response from me. Alouin, what must that do to her?
As the day progressed, we continued to clean the palace, and by the time we emerged from it, the sun hung heavy in the sky. Still, it hadn’t set, something I was quite proud of, and as we headed home, I could put the day’s unpleasantness behind me, allowing a skip to infect my step.
A home-cooked meal awaited me at home, a distinct improvement over the food creche provided, and tonight, I’d get to sleep in a room, all by myself.
When my mother cleared her throat, though, I snapped my attention back to her.
“Earlier, when you were by yourself,” she slowly said, “who were you talking to, Gaelen?”
For a moment, I didn’t understand the question, but then, a silhouette of solid, white light winked into existence beside her. Had my mother heard me griping at Creation when I’d been alone? That was unfortunate. Possibly disastrous.
Even still, I was halfway tempted to tell her everything.
That her little boy was actually a man named Eriadren, inhabiting what had once been a true son’s body. That sometime in the future, I’d vanish from her life, on a mission to hunt down my only friend. That I possessed a power the likes of which the world had never seen. That said power was monitored by the Ele splinter, hovering at her side.
But Creations shook its head, so of course, when I opened my mouth to speak the truth, a lie spewed forth instead.
“My imaginary friend, momma.”
Snorting, my mother raised an eyebrow at me.
“You have an imaginary friend?” she said. “Why haven’t I heard about that yet? Someone at creche should have mentioned it to me by now.”
Ha. That was unlikely. I’d be astonished if my keepers found anything more to complain about me than my abnormally antisocial behavior.
In the time since I’d been moved to that horrid place, I’d tried my best to act like a four-year-old should, difficult as that might seem. For the most part, I’d kept to myself, only helped along by my complete lack of desire to make friends.
Why would I do that when at some point, I’d have to abandon them? One of these days, Daevetch would find a body for my real friend, Arivor, and after that, no one here would see me again.
Given how often creche pushed children into social situations, though, what else was I to do but act petty and sullen with my ‘peers’?
That was another thing I sorely missed from my time as Eriadren: solitude. I craved a single time or place where I could be alone and left to my own devices. In creche, an adult was always lurking nearby, silently watching, and I hated it. Back home, Lirilith had always known when to leave me—
The clatter of clay against wood shocked me back this time, and dizzy, I tried to puzzle through why a bowl of stew was steaming into my face. When my mother offered me a spoon, I cautiously accepted it.
“Thank-” I started.
But my mother overrode me.
“Is… that still going on, honey?” she asked. “Are you blanking at creche?”
For some reason, the questions made me want to slap her.
Of course my mind was shutting down sometimes. I might have been here for four years, but I’d spent decades somewhere… worse. When my past came calling, I couldn’t push it away, no matter how hard I tried.
Apparently, my lack of a response was all the answer my mother needed. She heavily dropped into her chair, and watching her clutch at her forehead, I couldn’t help but think: Don’t worry, momma. I don’t want them to declare me defective either.
I didn’t say that, though. After taking a bite of my stew, I let my eyes slide off of her, considering how best to phrase this.
Once I’d decided, I said, “It’s ok. I know how to hide it.”
Maybe my mother released a relieved sigh. I was too focused on my food to care.
I was halfway through the bowl when she spoke up again.
“Do you know what starts them, honey?” she said. “Maybe if we know that, we can stop them permanently.”
And I pursed my lips. Setting my spoon on the table beside the bowl, I scanned the hovel I was inside, nodding when I didn’t see Creation. Maybe I could get away with a partial truth for now.
“Memories,” I said.
Unfortunately, that answer only seemed to confuse my mother, but it was all I could spare without risking Creation’s interference.
Fortunately, my father came home at that moment.
My father, the only truly bright spot in this new life. As Eriadren, I’d never known the man who’d once held that role, had never wanted to know him, but this life’s version had shown me nothing but love.
“Papa!” I shouted as I shoved away from the table.
When I reached my father, he lifted me into his arms, spinning so fast that the room blurred, and despite myself, I shrieked with laughter. As he came to a stop, he kissed the top of my head before returning me to the table.
“How are you, son?” my father said. “How was creche this month?”
That was all the provocation I needed to jump back into ‘my life as Gaelen’. With the three of us gathered around the table, my parents listened as I chattered about creche to them, scarfing down stew in the breaths between. When I could, I tried to entice stories from them as well, but they refused to share with me, much as they refused to eat anything other than their tasteless rations.
Which I hated. By the time dinner was over, I’d gritted my teeth together so hard that I could swear they’d cracked. Damn humans couldn’t even play the benevolent, conquering masters right.
While my parents prepared for an early bedtime, I hovered nearby, watching, and beside me, Creation clicked its tongue.
“Why are you still here?” it said. “We should be out in the woods already, practicing!”
Maybe that was true, but I refused to acknowledge it, merely hugging myself. While I could easily sneak out of this hovel—my parents were always exhausted at day’s end—I’d much rather not.
Instead, I waited until my parents tiredly hugged me good night before turning to Creation.
“Next month,” I whispered.
Then, I followed my new family to bed.
2
Noblinson, Gaelen
Noblinson
I hated having these conversations. The first one was bad enough: sitting a parent down to let them know that our lords and masters had taken issue with their kid, but the second one?
Who liked telling a parent that their child was on the brink of death?
It didn’t help that tonight’s parents were two of my community’s shining pillars. Mycella was one of the sweetest women someone could come across, ever hopeful and willing to help even the lowliest of strangers, and everyone knew that Quincy was the best swordsmen the Esela had produced in years. If he joined an expedition into the forests around our city, most of the people in it were guaranteed to come home that day.
It doubly didn’t help that the subject of tonight’s conversation was my favorite pupil in this current creche crop.
“So, what did Gaelen do this time?” Quincy asked with a smile on his lips.
How did he do that? We were here so I could tell them that Gaelen had one more chance to please the masters, and both he and Mycella looked so at ease! As if they didn’t have a care in the world.
It was a good act. Damn our masters for making it necessary.
“Something we all should have expected,” I made myself say. “Ever, Gaelen has insisted on maintaining his sense of pride, and unfortunately, that backfired on him today.”
Sighing, Mycella shook her head with a fond expression in place while Quincy merely snorted. As they absorbed this small piece of news, I reached into a drawer I didn’t often open, one that our masters could never know about, and retrieved a bottle of home-distilled alcohol from it. When I set it on the desk in front of me, my friends’ faces went still, but they seemed grateful as I handed them poured glasses.
We Esela weren’t supposed to indulge in this sort of thing. In all things, we were to suffer in silence and without distraction, but as my people’s sole representative in creche, I not only had the influence needed to get away with this sort of infraction, but I also knew when it was necessary.
I carefully watched as Quincy and Mycella gulped down a first taste of their drinks, sipping at my own, and when Quincy rested his cup in his lap, he grimaced.
“All right, ‘blin, I think we’re prepared,” he said. “Tell us the story.”
Gaelen
History. Of all the world’s fields of study, I’d decided that history was the worst.
Every other class, I could half-attend, only paying enough attention to add anecdotes to the items where my current education was lacking, but unfortunately, history required my full concentration, if I was to have any hope of also ignoring it.
A human woman was teaching the six-year-olds today, which I found hilarious on a number of levels. Even after this long spent living in a world where the two races’ roles had been swapped, I still hadn’t wrapped my head around the concept of humanity as the ones in control.
This human in front of me—droning on about… something important, I guessed—was an Eselan sympathizer, someone who refused to see those of my race as mere dogs on a long leash. Such sympathizers visited creche every so often, all part of their efforts to further civilize the ‘poor Esela’.
It was infuriating.
Evidence of this human’s dedication to the cause was leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed: a half-Eselan, most likely a ward. A mistake made by some lust-filled human, given into the care of a home willing to feed and support him.
Lucky bastard.
Seated beside today’s teacher was her own kid, a pretty, blonde-haired and blue-eyed girl child. When she caught me staring at her, she blushed, ducking her chin to her chest. Given how intensely she’d decided to stare at her fingers, they must be truly fascinating.
Before I could get too annoyed by her behavior, something the teacher said briefly caught my attention—
“-Ele and Daevetch. Although it’s faded in recent years, belief in these age-old gods made a brief resurgence after the rise of Doldi-”
—before she lost it once more.
Gods. Really?
If I’d learned anything from my curse, it was that the gods, if they’d ever existed, were dead. Sure, Alouin might be a powerful being, but unlike a god, he was fallible. If he hadn’t been, Arivor and I wouldn’t exist. Alouin would have ended us after our first deaths, but instead, he’d been helpless to stop the primal forces from rebirthing us.
Given that, I could see how someone might consider Ele and Daevetch as gods, but I didn’t. The one time I’d even been tempted to think such a thing, asking Creation about it as a result, that nuisance had only laughed, making several choicely scathing comments in response.
On some level, that answer had made me a little sad. After all, if Ele and Daevetch could be considered gods, that would mean I’d become fairly godlike in my own right.
Bored, I chased a speck of Ele across my rickety desk’s surface. It was the smallest amount of the primal force that I’d managed to tease from my source, but even still, I wouldn’t normally risk doing something like this. If I didn’t practice with Ele, though, Creation would never let me hear the end of it.
For years, that splinter had been hounding my every waking hour, always just out of sight. Long were the nights that I’d spent scheming of ways to get rid of it, but nothing I’d tried had worked. Not yet at least.
Eh…maybe I shouldn’t try to destroy Creation. Maybe I should just ask it for space.
At that thought, I snorted. A simple request like that would never work. Creation was too stubborn-
A hand slammed onto my desk, startling me from my thoughts, and jerking back, I lost control of my speck of Ele. It zoomed, unseen, across the room until it smacked into the human child, and rocking in her chair, she jerked her eyes across the room, stopping her search when her gaze landed on me.
Above me, the human woman snapped, “What’s your name?”
Somehow, I kept from rolling my eyes, opening my mouth to answer. At the last minute, the word I meant to speak switched from Eriadren to-
“Gaelen.”
Frowning, today’s teacher said, “Was something about my lesson funny, young Gaelen? So far as I’m aware, no one should find the story of Doldimar’s rise amusing.”
Oh, shit… I’d forgotten that she’d been talking about that today. Well. If I wasn’t very careful, the next few minutes could end horribly for me.
“I’m sorry,” I said as contritely as I could. “Of course I don’t find the story funny.”
And almost, I let it go, but as if to frustrate my efforts, my tongue decided that now was just the most ideal time to run away from me.
“Kind of thought your interpretation of Doldimar’s rise to power was strange, though.”
Immediately, I winced. That had been extraordinarily stupid.
With her expression flattening, today’s teacher straightened off of my desk.
“Really?” she said. “Why don’t you share your interpretation with us then, Gaelen?”
The ice in her tone turned me into my own frozen sculpture. For several silent seconds, I merely stared at her. There was no way this woman could know what she’d asked of me. No way but even still, the wrench of hurt inside almost had me breathing fire at her.
Instead, I leaned back in my chair, crossing my legs with my hands folded on my knee.
“All right,” I said. “Simply put, I believe the rise of Doldimar was a natural progression for the man he used to be. After what his uncle did to his son, what else was Arivor supposed to become? Reive may have been a cruel bastard, but of all his atrocities, burning a beloved family member alive had to be…”
And my breath caught with my thoughts starting to slip on themselves.
Shit. I shouldn’t have-
The human woman’s laughter brought me back from a fall into myself.
“It sounds like you sympathize with Doldimar, young Gaelen,” she said, “but that can’t be right. Everyone knows of the many travesties Doldimar spread across our world, and it’s only through Reive’s heroic actions that we’re able to sit-”
My chair toppled behind me, so quickly did I shoot from it, and that noise snapped the woman’s mouth shut. Somehow, I kept my fingers lightly pressed into my desk’s surface, rather than reaching for her stupid neck.
“Let me ask you a question,” I said, breathing ice. “If I tied your little girl to a stake, lit the pyre under her, and held you back from saving her…”
For a split second, I could only sip at the air, but I rushed forward so the woman couldn’t fill the gap I’d left open.
“If I made you watch those flames consume her… forced you to listen as she cried out in agony, wouldn’t you go a little mad?” I snapped. “That is what your manipulative, conniving, son of a bitch Reive did to his nephew. And your hero, the one you humans laud? He did nothing to topple Doldimar. Absolutely nothing!”
I was shouting. Oh, this was bad.
Still, I couldn’t help but continue.
“Maybe, just maybe, you lot should check your facts before telling a story like this.”
The woman lashed out, leaving a burning imprint of her hand on my cheek, but really, I should have expected that. I should have expected her red face and the fury in your eyes.
“How dare you!” she growled. “You are Esela, Gaelen. Not human. You do not tell our history, and you will not breathe a word of Eriadren or any other Esela lies here.”
…Esela lies?
Oh, I’d truly made a mess of this, but no matter that I should be bowing and scraping at this woman’s feet, I couldn’t bring myself to lower my head.
“I will tell my story however I damn well please,” I hissed, “and in the end, you will do the same.”
Spinning away from the woman, I stormed out of the classroom, and after making it a few feet outside, one of creche’s monitors called after me. I was too wrapped in fury to hear what they said.
“I don’t feel good!” I shouted at them. “Going to lay down!”
Fortunately, they didn’t stop me.
I didn’t know how I kept it in check for as long as I did, but somehow, I made it to my cot before my body started shaking. Clenching my eyes against the tears in them, I pulled the sheets over my head, screaming deep into my own mind.
Look! I’m not thinking about the past anymore! I’m not remembering them or seeing their faces! Not Arivor or Lirilith or Sepiala or Rafe or any of my victims from the war…
After who knew how long, someone plopped onto my cot, dropping so heavily that it jerked the sheets down, but before they could settle, I yanked them back into place, restoring my hiding place.
Whoever had decided to join me was silent for a long while, but eventually, she spoke up.
“That was quite the speech you gave. Mother plans to report you for it.”
Of course she did. What else was a human like her supposed to do with my spat of insolence?
“I don’t care,” I muttered. “Go away.”
Rather than doing as I’d asked, the girl shifted in place, making my cot creak.
“You should care,” she said. “If she reports you, creche’s headmaster might declare you defective. Doesn’t that worry you?”
Barely retaining a laugh, I shrugged. Why should I be worried about that and the death it implied? If the humans ever decided to put me down…
Well. Let’s just say I’d wish them luck.
“What were you playing with before my mother talked to you?” the girl asked. “I’ve never seen Esela magic like that before, and don’t you dare deny that it was magic! You used it to push me from across the room!”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “It’s not Esela magic.”
“What was it, then?” the girl asked.
Good gods.
With a growl, I exploded from beneath the sheets, ready to do whatever I must to get this girl to go away.
“Leave me alo-!”
Something cold rested against my neck, stopping me short. A blade.
It, however, wasn’t coming from the human girl, perching on the foot of my cot and staring with curious eyes. At her side, the half-Eselan from before was standing stock still, carefully holding a sword to my skin.
“So, are you full-bloods really as feral as mother always says?” he asked.
Closing my eyes, I hissed out a long, annoyed breath. Guess I’d have to put up with these curious children.
Maybe if I was polite, they’d leave me alone.
“My apologies, mistress. Master,” I said. “I don’t know what’s come over me today. My base nature must have assumed control, if only for a short time. I shall strive ever harder to become more like my masters so passion doesn’t gain another hold on me.”
With an inelegant snort, the human girl lifted a hand, laughing into it.
“What a pretty lie!” she said.
Well, obviously that hadn’t worked.
Making a face, I said, “I may have lied, yes, but I promise. I won’t attack you now. I was just… upset before. It’s under control.”
Shifting in place, the half-Eselan glanced at the girl, maybe hoping she’d know what to do, and when she nodded, he lowered his sword. With a grimace, I rubbed my neck. He’d left a nick there.
“Does your mother know you’re here?” I absently asked.
“Doubtful,” the girl said. “She was kind of exploding after you left, and we both know it’s a bad idea to stick around when she’s like that. So, we slipped out. I doubt she’ll come looking for us anytime soon.”
She shrugged, all while the half-Eselan stared at me. Gods, if that look had been any more pointed, it’d probably stab me.
“You’re really not worried about them declaring you defective?” he asked.
Yeah… that probably hadn’t been a wise thing to reveal.
With a sigh, I shook my head.
“It’s a constantly hovering threat, yes?” I said. “If I let myself worry about it, I’d be a nervous wreck, which wouldn’t help with staying alive here.”
“Huh,” the boy said with a frown.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Speaking of survival, I’m due at the sparring grounds in a quarter-hour. I’d rather not be late, especially if your mother’s reporting me. So, what do you two want?”
If they were merely curious, surely they’d have left by now.
“I want to know what you did to me back there,” the girl said.
On her words’ heels, the boy said, “And I want you to tell me what else you know about Arivor.”
Rapidly blinking, the girl snapped her gaze to the half-Eselan, but he avoided looking at her, instead staring at me with his jaw set.
Pointing at the girl, I said, “I can’t answer your question.”
Technically true. I was fairly certain that if I tried talking about Ele, Creation would shut me up pretty quickly.
So, I turned to the boy.
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“Everything,” he said through gritted teeth.
Wow, that had been intense. Why was he so interested in Arivor?
Because out of everything these two’s mother had said, she’d been right about one thing. Everyone despised my old friend.
With a huff, the girl slapped at the sheets.
“Hey! Don’t ignore me, you mo-”
In a flash, I was on top of the girl, pinning her neck to the cot with my glowing hand.
“Do not call me mongrel, human,” I snarled.
I swear. If I had to hear that insult one more time…
Clapping drew me out of my anger, coming from the being who’d appeared at my side.
“Well done, Eriadren! You’ve figured out how to use Ele to speed up your movement,” Creation said. “Of course, you did that in front of two children, who could be enemies, so I don’t know if we should consider this progress or not.”
All of my focus got transferred from a girl to that nuisance. Shooting a finger up to point at it, I tried—poorly—to contain the white-hot fury in me.
“SHUT UP!” I hissed. “I’ve had it up to here with your constant monitoring and nagging. I can’t take it anymore. Leave me THE HELL alone!”
Having pulled back, Creation morphed its face into an expression I’d never seen on it before—fear? incredulity? indignation?—before it popped out of existence.
And I was alone.
Alone! No one was here to judge my every move! No one-!
Again, steel was pressed against my throat, interrupting my brief burst of glee.
“Get off my sister,” the half-Eselan snapped.
Carefully, I raised my hands over my head and pulled away from the girl. As soon as I could, I settled as far away from her as possible.
With my gaze locked on the boy, I said, “I wasn’t actually going to hurt her. That’s impossible-”
“Alouin above, that was awesome!” the girl shouted, interrupting me. “What was that? Can I do it? And who were you speaking to? Ooooo!”
Popping to her hands and knees, she lowered her voice to a whisper.
“Does it have anything to do with Ele and Daevetch?”
Shit. After that spiel, I already had a headache. How was I supposed to answer all of her questions?
As I considered that conundrum, I rubbed my temples, glancing at the boy.
“Come on, kid. Put the sword away,” I said. “If I wanted to hurt you or your sister, I seriously doubt you could stop me.”
And at that, I knew what to say. I was Eriadren, a demon with a blade who couldn’t be killed. Why should I hide my magic from two, insignificant kids?
Drawing himself up, the boy said, “Oh, yeah? I’ve done it twice already. What makes you think I couldn’t do it again?
Sighing, I ran my eyes over his body.
“For starters, your grip on your sword is too weak, your stance is off, and your reaction times are abysmal, even without Ele to speed me up,” I said.
With bright eyes, the girl breathed, “I knew it!”
The boy refused to stop eyeing me, but he did get his sword back into its scabbard. With them sorted, I folded my hands in my lap.
“Wonderful! Let’s try this again,” I said. “I’m Gaelen. Who are you?”
Noblinson
“-will do the same!’ And he stomped out of the classroom in a rage!”
With a flourish, I finished telling the story of Gaelen’s most recent misadventure, all while Mycella and Quincy doubled over on themselves with laughter. As they enjoyed this rare moment of joy, I poured them each a glass of water, something to even out the alcohol we’d all consumed.
Accepting his glass, Quincy wiped happy tears away.
“That’s our Gaelen!” he said.
On his words’ heels, Mycella whispered, “What are we going to do with that boy?”
And the smiles dropped off of their faces. Before the couple could fall too deeply into despair, I hurried to share the one good piece of news I had for them.
“Also. In an impossible turn of events, Gaelen has managed to make a pair of friends,” I said. “They might help mitigate the damage he’s done to himself.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Quincy drawled, “Friends…? You’re talking about our Gaelen, right?”
Mycella had a more pertinent question.
“Who are they?”
With a nod, I acknowledged the hope she was blazing at me.
“Their names are Sarai and Corsivis,” I say. “They’re the children of the teacher who visited on the day in question.”
Mycella and Quincy absorbed this news fairly well. The only indication of their discomfort could be found in how still they were holding themselves.
“So, they’re human?” Quincy eventually said.
“One human and one half,” I confirmed.
As Mycella dropped her head into her hands, Quincy touched her knee, swallowing hard, but given what I’d said, I found these reactions appropriate.
“You’re right. These friends could be dangerous,” I said, “but even still, the two of you should encourage the relationships. The next time Gaelen gets into trouble, having a pair of the masters’ children closely tied to him could keep them from declaring him defective.”
“You’re right,” Mycella said before grimacing. “Only… humans? Gaelen finally makes friends, and they’re humans?”
Wincing, Quincy downed the rest of his water.
“Thank you for letting us know, my friend,” he said. “We’ll do our best to stay optimistic, but let’s be honest.”
Resting his cup on my desk, he pulled away with a pained expression in place, taking his wife’s hand once he was comfortable.
“Knowing our son and knowing our masters’ dispositions, Gaelen will almost certainly be dead within the year.”
They were right, but looking at my favorite student’s parents, I had to hold onto hope. I had to believe that Gaelen would find some way to survive.
3
Corsivis, Gaelen
Corsivis
“Again!”
Despite my trembling muscles and generally out-of-breath state, I clumsily tried to do as I’d been told. I lunged at Gaelen, doing my damnedest to get around his defenses, but he merely swiped my attack to the side, as if it were an irritating mosquito come to land on his skin.
“You don’t have to break through my defenses immediately,” he said. “Most of the time, that’ll just get you killed. Simply engage, and then, wait for an opening. Again.”
We’d been at this for at least an hour. An hour where I’d learned exactly how much I’d always underestimated my friend’s skill with the blade.
In the six years since our first fateful meeting, Gaelen had dodged any and all questions about his abilities, whether martial or otherwise. He’d always been more than happy to answer any of my questions about… that man, but soon enough, even that opening had no longer been enough for me. With every passing day, my curiosity about this enigmatic Eselan had grown, getting almost as obsessive as Sarai’s recently.
After our first few months at trying to crack his shell, the two of us had changed tactics. Trailing Gaelen everywhere had been getting us nowhere, and frankly, it had started feeling like an invasion of his privacy. So, Sarai and I had decided that we would feign friendship with Gaelen instead, at least until he’d told us about his magic. Over the years, though, that false bond had changed into something real and true.
At least, it had for me.
“Why the sudden desire to master the blade?” Gaelen asked, drawing me back to the fight.
Ducking the swing I’d sent for his head, he lightly rested his sword’s tip against the hollow of my neck, reminding me yet again of how absolutely mad my friend was. Not only did he talk to thin air on occasion, but he had an almost suicidal lack of fear, one that both thrilled and terrified me. In the city, all sparring took place with blunted blades, but when I’d suggested that we use them today, Gaelen had laughed.
“You’ll never learn to fight like that,” he’d said. “When sharp steel is coming for your face, people have visceral reactions, and how that presents is different for everyone. It’s better to figure out what yours is when your opponent is someone friendly to you, rather than not. Don’t worry, Cor. I won’t hurt you. I have too much practice with this awful thing to accidentally stab you, and I literally can’t end your life.”
That had confused me. Couldn’t end my life? What could that mean?
But I’d merely asked, “What about you? I don’t want to hurt you, Gael.”
At that, Gaelen had flashed a fierce grin.
“Trust me. You won’t be able to hurt me, Cor.”
After hours where I’d failed to land a single blow on him, I could believe that statement.
As for my friend’s question about my new fascination with learning to fight…
Locking my lips tight, I looked away. I didn’t want to discuss my recent change in fortune, couldn’t contemplate my mother’s closed-off face as she’d brought me to creche’s headmaster. I couldn’t think about that man’s pronouncement or Sarai’s expression when we’d given her the news.
As if in tune with my thoughts, Gaelen asked, “Where’s Sarai? She’s usually materialized by now, the little leech.”
Alouin, that question hurt almost as much as his first one.
“You’ve heard about the recent parlay?” I asked, continuing once Gaelen had nodded. “During it, our neighbors requested more brides in exchange for some of their best fighters and scouts. On hearing the news, mother got Sarai an etiquette tutor, on the off chance they choose…”
With a lump in my throat, I couldn’t continue with that thought, but fortunately, Gaelen was well prepared to distract me. Dropping under my waist-high blow, he swept a leg at my ankles, and tripping, I hit the forest floor with a thud, which knocked the air out of me. Unfortunately, my lungs refused to draw it back in, and I spent a moment wheezing around that temporary paralysis, barely hearing Gaelen’s shout.
“Damn them! Bickering tribes? Loveless marriages? Trading people like so much cattle? How far has the world fallen?"
With a frustrated growl, my friend flopped to the ground beside me, and while catching my breath, I took a moment to watch the younger boy. At some point in the last hour, Gaelen had taken off his tunic, letting sweat freely trickle over his flushed skin, and I tracked each bead of it as it dropped from his hair to his curled-over back.
“So, what was my mistake that time?” I distractedly asked.
“Hmm?”
When Gaelen flicked his eyes to me, a zing shot through me, only building when he smiled.
“Oh! No, falling wasn’t your fault, although you should never let an opponent distract you like that. Not even if your opponent is me!” he said. “You should also never try to kick someone’s legs out from under them like I just did. Under normal circumstances, that would never work, giving your enemy a chance to kill you instead.”
Mmhmm. Don’t get distracted. Something about never doing what he did.
Gaelen didn’t need to worry about that last bit. At times, it seemed like my friend had a death wish, especially when it came to his behavior.
A good Eselan was unassuming, respectful, and subservient, all of which Gaelen was not. Did he know how many times his friendship with Sarai had saved his life in the last few years? No one wanted to declare the plaything of a wealthy, human girl defective.
Given recent events, I couldn’t afford to copy my friend’s behavior. Not anymore.
So, it didn’t matter that Gaelen’s self-assured pride stirred something in me. Alouin, that demurred conduct toward the humans that somehow gave off the impression that he was laughing at them! Every time I saw it, I couldn’t help but shiver. It was delicious.
But that was Gaelen. Something about my friend had enticed me since we’d first met.
Hell, if that sensation hadn’t puzzled me over the years, an anomalous footnote that no other person had had ever matched. Not even those closest to me.
At first, I’d thought it had something to do with those grown-up things that adults never liked talking about. They’d certainly spoken of similar things when other boys my age had started experiencing body changes.
Boy, if that hadn’t been a trip for me. The emotional and physical discord of it had been bad enough, but then, I’d started noticing girls. I couldn’t say how many times I’d caught myself staring at my female classmates when I should have been listening to lectures.
By the time my ever-absent, surrogate father had sat me down to truly explain what the hell had been going on, I’d already gone through most of the changes that older man had described. I’d also already discovered the glorious phenomena of touching and kissing the girls I’d found so fascinating.
At first, I hadn’t been sure why human women had seemed to find me irresistible. At the least, they’d ever been eager to giggle and moan when we did anything even slightly physical, but they’d always stopped me before our time together could get too heated.
I’d been several years older and wiser before I’d realized that what they both loved and despised about me was the fact that I was a half-Eselan.
Well. That and the other, more fascinating aspect of my heritage.
Since finding out about that, I’d learned to enjoy what I could get. So, the girls I sometimes played with didn’t truly like me? So what? At least they’d talk to me, unlike some of the other humans I’d once spent time around.
But I supposed that was over now too.
The point was that what I’d once felt when I’d been with those girls was a pale shadow of what I felt when I was around Gaelen, which had always been a frustratingly irritating conundrum. No other boy, both in my class and in creche, had ever attracted me like this, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
Frankly, it had always scared me a little.
Collapsing onto his back, Gaelen absently stared at the canopy of the forest around us, and viewing his relaxed state, I tensed. Given what had happened at home, this might be the only chance I’d have to find out if I was defective in the one way that everyone in our world, whether human or Esela, abhorred. My last chance to eliminate the disturbing possibility.
Did I want to do that? If I didn’t, I’d never know, and for some reason, that seemed like too much to bear.
Besides, if I did test this theory, I didn’t think Gaelen would mention it to anyone else. He wasn’t the type to gossip like that.
Still, it was with no small amount of terror that I sprang to my hands and knees so I could crawl to Gaelen’s side. What would I do if this conundrum was… what I thought it was? Could I live with myself if-?
I couldn’t think about it. Gaelen was looking at me funny, as if he was about to speak, so without thinking about it, I ducked down and kissed him and…
Nothing. Just cool lips on my warm ones.
Huh. If the attraction wasn’t sexual, then what-?
Something slammed into me, stopping my contemplation short, and as I went soaring—up, up, up into the forest’s canopy—wood and plant fiber slapped at me. Soon enough, rough bark abruptly halted my speeding flight, and I had a split second to see the ground, waiting seemingly miles below.
Then, I was bouncing and tumbling through tree limbs at ever increasing speed, soon to meet a solid plane of grass and dirt.
When I landed, I sightlessly blinked for what seemed like hours, although a small part of me knew it had been mere seconds. What had just happened?
With a groan, I sat up, looking for Gaelen. Hopefully, he’d have seen what had thrown me so far, but before I could find him, biting agony forced me back down to my elbows with a whimper.
Oh, hell. What-?
Through the fog obscuring my vision, I noted the thin stick protruding from the side of my waist and the crimson-stained, white… thing that was mangling my leg, and I screamed.
Gaelen
When I’d collapsed into the leaves smothering the forest floor, I’d known Corsivis was watching me. He’d always had that slightly uncomfortable habit, but as the years had passed, it had bothered me less and less, unlike Sarai’s decidedly more infuriating tendencies.
Those two thought they’d been so clever by trying to pry secrets from me with their ‘friendship’, and I had to admit that for a time, I’d fallen for it. After living for so long as Eriadren, the social outcast, I’d been desperate for friends. It hadn’t mattered that I should avoid them, given what was soon coming for me. I had needed… no, did need companionship.
My initial resolution to evade attachment had been originally helped along by the fact that in this era, no one wanted to associate with the kid who refused to kiss the humans’ boots. So, when Sarai and Corsivis had invited me to join in with their fun and games, I’d eagerly accepted.
Unfortunately, Sarai had asked one too many questions about why I could control Ele, and after that, I’d known what their ‘friendship’ really meant.
Learning that they only valued me for my connection to Ele had hurt, but I couldn’t help myself. Ever after that, I’d dropped every assignment if they asked me to join them in their latest escapade.
Yes, their companionship might be false. I didn’t care. One day a month with my parents barely put a dent in my self-imposed loneliness.
Of course, it also helped that by making friends with Sarai, I’d mostly exempted myself from the humans’ culls. The creche headmaster couldn’t declare me defective without causing an uproar as a result.
So, when Corsivis had crawled to peer down at me, I’d thought nothing of it. We weren’t exactly friends, but he and I had spent enough time together that I’d let my guard down around him. Just a little.
I didn’t realize what he’d intended until our lips met, but by then, it was too late. At that touch, a barrage of memories ripped through the framework of the cage I’d built around them.
Lirilith and I meld as one during a Joining. Lirilith’s hair flies around her when ecstasy has her flinging her head back. Lirilith carefully pecks Sepiala’s forehead while I hold our daughter. Lirilith kisses away the ghosts of killing wounds while I violently shiver. Lirilith’s eyes glaze as I cling to her, pressing my lips against her blood-streaked forehead.
With acid on the back of my tongue, every muscle locked into place, and I couldn’t… I needed this to stop. To GO AWAY before—
This time, a scream dragged me back to the surface.
I hadn’t blanked like that in years. Practice with shoving memories to the side had lessened the frequency of those terrifyingly absent spells, but every so often, something would catch me unaware, triggering such a deluge of unwanted memories that my brain would kick me out of it.
The something this time had been- had been Corsivis kissing me. What the hell had that been about?
And who the hell was screaming?
As the familiarity of that distressed voice sank in, I sat bolt upright. Someone had mangled the tree opposite me with half-broken limbs dangling up it for at least thirty feet. Corsivis was slumped at its base, reaching for the branch skewering his side with shaking hands.
In a flash, I was beside him, scanning his body for injuries.
A broken shin, a through-and-through puncture of his abdomen, and some abrasions and bruises. If Corsivis was the one who’d devastated the tree he was lying under, then he was lucky he’d escaped with such light injuries.
When I could get a word in edgewise, I said, “What happened?”
“I don’t know!” Corsivis shouted, panting around each word. “One minute, I was leaning over you. The next, something sent me flying.”
Wait.
Glancing between where I’d been lounging scant moments before and the spot where the broken limbs began overhead, I imagined the trajectory of Corsivis’ body. What could have generated enough force to propel him that far?
It couldn’t be. Could it?
“Creation?”
Appearing beside me, the splinter said, “Yes, you used Ele to force him away.”
I let loose a stream of curses that had Corsivis staring at me with confusion, but the cold sweat on his face soon halted my tirade. The blood stain around that gods-awful branch was seeping outward at a much faster rate than I’d like, so I retrieved my tunic from where I’d tossed it, wrapping it around the wound while moving Corsivis’ hand on top of it.
“Apply as much pressure as you can,” I said.
I had no idea how I’d treat the leg. None of the branches around us looked sturdy enough to serve as splints, much less a crutch. I’d have to bear the other boy’s weight while we walked back to the city.
Not that I minded doing that! I was just worried that waiting so long to treat his leg might permanently cripple him.
Damn but I missed the shop from my old life right now!
“Why don’t you take this wound from him?” Creation asked. “It’s not like you’d keep it for long, and having Corsivis discover that ability is preferable to him-”
“No,” I snapped.
Letting out the restorative power that constantly raged under my skin wasn’t an option. Too many times I’d unleashed it, only to give my patients relief for a short time. Sometimes, they’d lived for months, sometimes mere moments, but always, ever, and for each time, a fate infinitely worse than they’d originally have suffered had taken their lives. If possible, I’d never use that power again.
“No, what?” Corsivis gasped.
Glancing at him, I said, “Nothing, Cor. We just need to get you back home. I can’t set that bone on my own.”
I threw his arm over my shoulders, ignoring his pained whimper.
“Are you ready?”
When he hesitantly nodded, I stood, carefully dragging him upright. Corsivis sucked in a gasp, but when I checked on him, he nodded once more. We managed to take one shuffling step forward and then, another before the boys’ body started trembling like a leaf.
After about ten feet, Corsivis went limp, which made me stumble. For a moment, I thought pain had weakened him, but when I caught a breath of what he’d been mumbling since we’d begun our trip, I barely restrained an eye roll.
“I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m-”
Gods, he’d lived such a sheltered life. This was probably his first true experience with pain. Meanwhile, his full-blood brothers and sisters would suffer this and worse before they reached the age of seven.
But I couldn’t let the unfairness of that situation affect my treatment of the boy. I was a healer. He was my patient, and I’d certainly treated far worse people. At least I was somewhat fond of this one.
Lowering Corsivis into the fallen leaves, I knelt in front of him, clasping his hands in mine.
“You’ll survive this, Cor. I know it hurts, but none of these injuries is life-threatening,” I said. “At worst, you’ll be bed-ridden for a few weeks.”
If anything, my reassurance only distressed Corsivis more. He bit back a panicked sob while shivers buzzed even more intensely over his body.
“You- you don’t under- understand, Gael,” he gasped. “I can use magic, and they… they know.”
My grip on Corsivis’ hand tightened, and as I did some mental math, I vaguely registered his wince. I’d turned thirteen this year, and Corsivis was two years my senior. That put him at fifteen, the year the humans…
Another round of cursing broke the forest’s stillness, sending birds flapping away.
Once I’d calmed down enough to force words off of my strangled tongue, I asked, “How long?”
With a sob, Corsivis bit his lip, looking away.
“They ga- gave me a week.”
On receiving that answer, the choked scream that emerged from my mouth surprised me. I hadn’t made a noise like that since Sepiala-
Can’t think of that now.
But given that, my affection for Corsivis must run deeper than I’d thought.
“Will you fix him now?” Creation asked, just out of view. “Believing in the inherent evil of your healing ability is ridiculous, Eriadren. You have no idea how many other people have used it with no consequence! It’s more likely that you’ve had bad luck.”
Making a face, I snapped, “No, Creation. Just… no.”
Creation huffed.
“Why don’t you ask his opinion about it? Or will you decide his fate for him?”
Glaring at the splinter, I wished it would go away, and it must have read something in my eyes because it quickly popped out of existence.
“What does your invisible friend say?” Corsivis shakily asked.
He was using a weak smile to bely his previous despair, and seeing that, I considered him with narrowed eyes.
One boy shouldn’t be too difficult to watch, right? Especially if I could convince my parents to give him my rarely used bed. With monitoring, I could keep disastrous consequences from coming near him, and besides, I… couldn’t stand the idea of a world without Corsivis.
My friend.
For a moment, I could only blink. When had that happened? I’d vowed that I wouldn’t make friends while I was here. At best, these people should only be temporary companions, but Daevetch was taking its time with resurrecting its Champion. Given that, it made sense that a few people would worm past my defenses, and apparently, Corsivis was one of them.
So, damn what might happen. Damn the humans and their horrific policies. I’d fix my friend just to defy them.
Plus—and I felt guilty even thinking this—Corsivis would make a fantastic test subject. If he met his end in a less violent manner than this, then perhaps Creation was onto something. If not…
If not, I’d never use this deceptively miraculous power again.
Still holding my friend’s hands, I smiled at him.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make everything better,” I said.
And I Let Go.
Sharp pain tore through my abdomen while my lower leg snapped like a twig, an agony that sent bile surging from my stomach, and I swallowed it back with only a grunt escaping from me.
It was disappointing, really. Toward the end of my time with Reive, I’d endured worse than this without a peep. Years sans any suffering appeared to have lowered my pain threshold, but to my credit, a single grunt wasn’t the blood-curdling scream that Corsivis had unleashed.
Still.
When my friend snatched his hands out of mine, I thought disgust had come to rule him until he ripped the crude bandage on his stomach away, pressing it to my wound.
“What did you do, Gael?” he said. “What the fuck…? You’re already walking a fine line as it is!”
Ah. So, this contrived friendship had, at some point, become real for him as well. As white light erased my injuries, laughter burbled from me, although both quickly dissipated.
Stunned, Corsivis lifted the rag from my side, staring with wide eyes at my unbroken skin.
“What are you?” he breathed.
That question resumed my cut-off hilarity, and falling to my side, I clutched at my stomach.
“I. don’t. know,” I gasped.
Which was true. Champion of Ele? What did that mean? Was I an extension of Ele now, or did I simply have greater access to it than the average person?
Creation had tried explaining it to me, but its strange vocabulary usually confused me so much that I couldn’t follow what it was saying. Until now, all that had concerned me was learning to use my new abilities so I was prepared for Arivor’s coming.
As my laughter died out, I stayed curled on my side, considering questions I should have thought of before helping Corsivis. Would he share what he’d learned with creche’s headmaster, and if he did, what would that cruel son of a bitch do on discovering my abilities? My arms tightened around my chest at the idea of another life spent with a Reive replica.
Leaves crunched nearby, but over that noise, I heard Corsivis sigh.
“It’s getting dark,” he said. “Let’s go home.”
Flopping onto my back, I stared at his extended hand like it was a Esela-turned-monster, and rolling his eyes, Corsivis leaned over to grab my arm. After hauling me to my feet, he trudged toward the city, and for a moment, I couldn’t move. When I could force myself forward, I had to jog to catch up.
“Do you want to-?” I started.
“Nope!” Corsivis said.
So… he wanted to ignore what had happened. That was fine by me but…
Stop it. You can trust him. You CAN!
We walked for several more yards before I gathered the courage to speak again.
“Do you need a place to stay?” I asked.
A pained expression crossed Corsivis’ face.
“I suppose I will, won’t I?” he whispered.
Oh, how I knew that hurt. I barely restrained myself from squeezing my friend’s shoulder.
“Stay with my family,” I said. “That way, when I slip out of creche, I can easily find you.”
At that, Corsivis looked at me like I was crazy.
“Why would you do that?” he asked.
Shrugging, I said, “Someone needs to teach you how to properly fight in the week the humans have given you. I’m volunteering.”
Stopping short, my friend stared at me like I was an unfinished puzzle or a prized possession just out of reach, and flipping toward him, I raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t approve?” I said.
“No! I…”
Corsivis sighed. He was doing a lot of that today.
“It’s just… thank you,” he said.
“You don’t have to thank me,” I said. “This is what friends do, right?”
I waited for his response, hoping… praying he’d confirm my suspicions.
Corsivis’ eyes widened with surprise flashing through them, but of course it did. Up to this point, I’d never called us friends out loud. Swallowing hard, the boy beamed.
“Yes! It is!” he said.
4
Noblinson, Gaelen
Noblinson
Applications of Magic was the one class that I both loved and hated to teach.
I loved it because… well. Who wouldn’t? It involved manipulating the body’s form and summoning desired objects from thin air, among other things. Who wouldn’t want to impart such fantastic knowledge on those who could use it?
On the other hand, once my students had mastered these abilities to the headmaster’s satisfaction, they were released from creche, trading the relative safety found here for something infinitely more dangerous.
Today was this group’s first lesson in magic, a long series of which would culminate in an examination on their fifteenth birthday. That day would be the last time the creche’s headmaster could declare them defective. It would also be the first time they were available for the masters’ use.
“All forms of Esela magic are accompanied by a toll on the body. This price is a drain from the life energy that animates us all,” I said. “In your magic usage, you must be ever careful about which forms of it you use and what you do with it.”
This class’s Esela were hanging on my every word, save for one notable exception. At the back of the classroom, Gaelen was playing his usual game with himself, lobbing something unseen between his gloved hands. He was impatiently jittering his leg, bouncing his gaze between his diversion and the obsidian-lined windows, and the further the sun dipped toward the horizon, the more agitated he became.
I wished my favorite pupil would focus. The skills I’d teach here would likely save his life in the years to come.
“The first magic form we’ll examine is that of illusion. In a fight, illusion will likely be your most favored form,” I continued. “It’s perfect for distraction and deception, and with its light cost, it won’t exhaust you in the middle of a fight for your life.”
With an exasperated sigh, Gaelen raised a hand overhead, and somehow, I managed to keep from rolling my eyes.
“Yes, Gaelen?” I said.
Straightening in his chair, the teenager said, “If I can prove I’ve already mastered your ‘forms’ of magic, may I be released from creche early?”
That made the class gasp and titter while I tried to keep anxiety off of my face.
Every year, someone made this challenge, a kid desperate for their ‘freedom’, and not one of those reckless youths had survived their first day in Applications of Magic. I’d come to expect the challenge at the beginning of each year, despite the rumors of death that floated within the student body, but I hadn’t thought Gaelen would be the one to issue it this time. My favorite student was usually smarter than that.
Sure, he’d breezed through every other class without paying the slightest bit of attention, but this was magic, the one subject that every student must be eased into. Mastering the skill came at a natural progression, and its steps couldn’t be skipped without consequences.
I opened my mouth to refuse the challenge, but before I could speak, Gaelen cut me off.
“It’s my right to request an examination at any point during my fourteenth year, yes?” he said. “Well, I’m requesting that examination now.”
Damnit, Gaelen!
The corners of my mouth turned down as I sighed through my nose. Over the years, I’d done everything I could for this boy, whether in creche or elsewhere, but with this, Gaelen had backed me into a corner. I had to grant his request. May Mycella and Quincy forgive me.
Waving toward the teenager, I said, “By all means, show us what you can do.”
“Thank you.”
Rising from his seat, Gaelen marched to the front of the classroom, already in the midst of a shape change. With each step, his height jumped in increments while the green in his blonde hair was steadily leeched away.
Seeing this, I bit my lip. A full body shape change? Was Gaelen trying to kill himself? During their first attempt at shape change, no one could alter all parts of their body, and if Gaelen wasted so much energy on this first magic form alone, he’d have nothing left to pay for the others.
Without warning, the classroom dropped into the middle of a battle, making me trip as I retreated from the sword jabbing at my stomach. Several other students cried out, but within seconds, the frozen nature of the picture around us reminded the class of what Gaelen was attempting.
An illusion. It was all an illusion. The Esela and humans locked in deadly conflict. The dead and wounded trampled by those left standing. Amazingly, Gaelen had even managed to capture the awful stench of blood, sweat, and piss that hovered over every battlefield.
As I scanned the illusion, the first fingers of awe played over my skin. This was perfect. When viewing it, my brain screamed at the danger I’d encountered, even knowing that nothing about this battle was real.
The other students, poor things, were trembling with fright. They might have completed years of combat training, but nothing could prepare someone for a battle of this scale.
So… how had Gaelen created it?
On finding my favorite pupil at the head of the classroom, I threw a hand over my mouth to muffle a gasp. In that normally vacant space, three people were now standing, two of them illusory and one real. An angry mob of human soldiers was descending on the two motionless Esela, and they were standing back-to-back, facing their doom with fierce grins and wild laughs.
One was dressed in an officer’s armor. Grim amusement danced over his noble bearing while a defiant yell remained frozen on his lips, and with a single sword lifted overhead, sweat had plastered his mottled, brown hair to his forehead and neck. He was the historic description of Doldimar, visualized and brought to life.
This image might make me shiver, but even still, the man who’d reversed the races’ roles, raising the humans high while condemning the Esela to an unspoken slavery, could evoke nothing more from me. Doldimar’s companion, however, froze me solid while my lung’s contents escaped in a rush.
The second Eselan was wearing a light infantryman’s armor. He was hunkered close to the ground, holding a long knife in his right hand and a standard, army-issued sword in his left. Even gripping the knife, he beckoned the closest human forward with his teeth bared and a thrill lighting his gray eyes. His blue-tinged, dirty-blonde hair stood up from his scalp at odd angles with the helmet at his feet explaining the mess.
That was…
I shied away from even thinking his name. Whispers and rumors of the Preserver had always run rampant through the Eselan ranks. People told plentiful tales about the man who’d truly saved the world from Doldimar, and when the masters were absent, we shared with one another our vain hope that he’d someday return to set us free.
It was a hope no Eselan would dare impart upon a creche child, not when they were so constantly monitored. If given into the hands of innocents, people who would too quickly trust the masters, such a dream could endanger all the Esela.
Given that, Gaelen couldn’t know the Preserver’s story. So, where had this illusion come from, and where was-?
Gaelen, the teenage boy I loved like a son, was standing in front of the two illusory men, and he’d assumed the Preserver’s appearance, right down to the freckles and the birthmark on the elbow. With a grim expression in place, he stared into the empty eyes of the Doldimar illusion.
“Where are you, Arivor?” he asked, as if to himself. “I’m tired of waiting.”
Then, Gaelen extended a hand, and- and a sword, of all things, dropped into it, one that was embraced by a plain scabbard. When the teenager pulled the blade free, I gasped.
Alouin, that wasn’t a simple sword. With engraved words—intelligible and not—running over the blade, it could only be Shadowsteal, the sword of legend.
I had barely enough time to process what I was seeing before the illusion changed, freezing me solid.
The illusion’s human soldiers had vanished, replaced with people of both races. Black, squiggly lines bulged under their skin, raising their flesh, and as one, they fled from the Preserver. That one, clear-skinned Eselan carved through them, even with arrows peppering his body and a dagger jutting out of his neck.
Then, the illusory Preserver moved, and I retreated until I realized it was only Gaelen, stepping into the illusion. My student raised a hand once more, making a butter knife appear in it, and he made a face before it crinkled into confusion.
“Huh.”
The illusion dissipated, leaving an altered Gaelen at the head of the classroom. He was fiercely frowning at the knife, as if it had betrayed him in some way.
“I may need your lessons after all, ‘blin,” he said. “For some reason, alchemy’s escaping me. I haven’t been able to find a suitable side knife in the masters’ armory, so I’d planned to morph one. I suppose it’ll have to-”
“Alchemy?!” I squeaked, squeezing the word through my closed-off throat. “We haven’t used that magic form in decades!”
Making a face, Gaelen flipped the butter knife through his fingers before stashing it in a pocket.
“Must have faded with the defusal of Eselan blood,” he said. “How sad.”
With that, he started returning to his desk, but I cleared my throat, drawing him up short.
“You’re still holding the shape change, Gaelen,” I said.
Spreading his arms, the teenager peered down at his body.
“So I am.”
Over the course of mere seconds, Gaelen shortened with his body taking on a gangly appearance, and his hair bleached blonder while its second hue shifted to green. Once again in the guise of my favorite student, he stumbled and fell, slamming sideways into a desk, and I hurried to help him. Before I could reach his side, however, Gaelen was back on his feet.
Waving my hand away, he said, “I’m fine.”
And I nodded. What else was I supposed to do? Right now, I needed to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking.
Had I hallucinated what had just happened? Because it couldn’t have been real. I mean… I couldn’t logically explain what Gaelen had done, especially not how he was still standing. Using so much potent magic all at once should have killed him. It would certainly have killed me.
“Do I pass, ‘blin?” Gaelen asked.
Retrieving his bag, he threw it over a shoulder.
“I have somewhere to be.”
Did he-?
“Are you kidding me? You do… whatever that was, and your only concern is whether you’ve passed my silly class?” I said. “No. We need to sneak you out of the city. The humans may know about our old legends, but they don’t pay them any mind. If they discover what you can do, though, they’ll kill you, eradicating any trace of your existence, and I’m not sure they’ll stop the violence with you. No, we have to get you out so that…”
I stopped, hardly believing what I was about to say.
“The humans can never know that you’re-”
“Stop,” Gaelen said. “Even if I am who you think I am, I’m not here to free the Esela. You’re more than capable of doing that yourselves. I’ve spent fourteen years in this era, and I still don’t understand why the Esela have allowed themselves to be so debased when they have the power to change the status quo.”
He shook his head.
“No, I’m here for another purpose entirely,” he said. “So, do I pass?”
I didn’t know what to say. Apparently, discovering the legend of the Preserver had a basis in truth hadn’t been enough. I’d also had to learn that the hopes and dreams tied to it were unfounded. Also, the subject of said legend concerned someone I’d been nurturing since birth.
So, had Gaelen passed Applications of Magic?
“Yes,” I faintly said.
“Thanks, ‘blin.”
With a mischievous grin, Gaelen patted my shoulder.
“I’ll see you around,” he said.
He walked away, leaving me numbly staring at an empty doorway long after he’d ducked through it. Gaelen had left the safety of creche a year earlier than he should, striding into the adult world without hesitation, but for once, I wasn’t worried about my former pupil. Knowing what I knew now, I also knew that handling the difficulties of life outside these walls would never trouble him.
“Teacher,” another student hesitantly said, “what just happened?”
Even with all that he apparently was, Gaelen could still face mortal peril here. His classmates couldn’t start rumors about him, not when something like that could threaten both his safety and the safety of this city’s Esela. It was time for me to salvage what I could of this situation.
“Gaelen graduated,” I said with a smile. “Let’s discuss the mistakes he made during his examination.”
Gaelen
Now that I was done with creche, I departed my last classroom with no trepidation or fear. Instead, what haunted my steps was nostalgia.
Of all of creche’s teachers, Noblinson had been the only one to show any sense of concern for the other children and me. That concern had prompted some small sense of affection in me, and now, my time with him was over.
I’d certainly see him at some point in the future, but with my release, our relationship would change. We were no longer mentor and pupil. The humans would consider us equals.
I didn’t have time for nostalgia, as my demonstration had taken longer than planned. Soon enough, today’s expedition would return to the city, and I wanted to be there when they emerged from the forest. If it were any other day, I could be late, but not today.
Today was Corsivis’ birthday.
For once, creche’s monitors allowed my passage down its corridors without comment. What was hanging from my hip was the only proof I’d need to show that I’d surpassed my time here.
Except for the hours spent in combat training, Eselan children were forbidden access to weapons. So, with Shadowsteal on my person, I’d gone from a boy they’d watch for mistakes to a man they’d ignore.
This freedom was exhilarating.
Once I’d stepped out of creche and into the great outdoors, I plucked at the fabric around my fingers, peeling leather off of my skin. I hung my gloves beside my new sword.
Shadowsteal. Every time I sought the damn thing, the search for it stretched longer. When I’d been Eriadren, it had lasted mere months, a time I’d spent scouring the empire I’d called home.
In the decade after Lirilith’s murder, my desperation for a guaranteed method to end Arivor had sped my hunt. At the time, I hadn’t known what abilities my failed experiment had bestowed upon my former friend. I’d only had my own to extrapolate from, and since I emulated Alouin’s powers, I’d gone in search of a weapon that could kill a god.
I’d learned about a pair of god-forged swords, weapons that contained purified essences of Daevetch and Ele, from an obscure reference to the Eselan home world, and with that, my course had been set. Half a year later, I’d found them, claimed Shadowsteal as my own, hidden Lighteater from the world, and returned home to end Doldimar’s reign.
This life had required years to find the swords. I’d spent that time researching the century after Doldimar’s fall, looking for a clue about where my once-comrades might have misplaced Shadowsteal. This had been made all the more challenging by my confinement to the backwater city that my parents called home.
Not long ago, I’d caught a hint of a whisper about its location, and armed with only that slim hope, I’d been a little nervous that today, Shadowsteal would fail to come when I called. Fortunately, my theory about its resting place had been proven valid, and when I’d needed it, the sword had materialized in my gloved hand.
The gloves had been Creation’s suggestion. It had claimed that since Ele sustained my current body in the world, I held a more substantial bond with its ‘whole’ than the average person. Given that, this was probably why I could only now manipulate primal energy, unlike my time as Eriadren. Because of this, the splinter had warned me that touching a weapon made of Ele might cause unintended consequences.
Hence why I’d donned these gloves when I’d woken up this morning. With them, I could hold Shadowsteal without actually touching it.
Unfortunately, the gloves’ leather was stuffy and hot, so now that I was finished with the sword—at least temporarily—they came off, and I greeted cool, open air with relief.
As I made my way through the Esela barracks, neighbors and familiar faces stopped to stare at me. Over the years, they’d learned to ignore me when I snuck out of creche, but today, I was openly striding among them, making no attempt to hide my presence.
Several of them split off, probably to inform either my parents or the headmaster of my presence. Who they reported to first would depend on their position in the social stratus.
I ignored them all. The only thing I cared about was reaching the forest-city boundary without interruption.
I barely made it in time. Around me, straw and daub had given way to leaves and wood, pushing me into the open, right as the first scouts came trudging home. Sweat-streaked, soot-caked, blood-soaked, the first handful of the hale and hearty quickened their paces once the city surrounded them, off to deliver reports to the households that had employed them for this expedition.
Not long after, the bulk of the expedition’s participants stumbled into view.
Some few among them were uninjured, much like the scouts from before, but ash and soot had coated them so heavily that their skin had become a mottled patchwork of black and skin tones. They assisted their wounded brethren along the last stretch to the city and consequently, its healers.
I inspected the group’s injuries while waiting for Corsivis. Among them were some broken bones, a stab wound to the chest—he might not see the next morning, considering the suck in his lungs—and many nasty gashes.
These, however, were of little consequence. The majority of the Esela who staggered into view were sporting burns of varying degree. Some only suffered from a slight reddening of their skin. Others were so severely afflicted by blackened blisters that their comrades had to drag them home.
“What happened?” someone gasped behind me.
Rounding on Sarai, I graced her with my most incredulous look.
“What do you think ?” I said. “They ran into another city’s raiding party. Looks like they might have fallen into an ambush too, judging from the burns.”
“This is…”
With horror, Sarai followed the passage of a keening man with wide eyes.
“An everyday occurrence for the Esela, Sarai,” I huffed, crossing my arms. “Why are you here?”
“I’m-”
Wrenching her gaze away, Sarai cleared her throat.
“It’s Cor’s birthday,” she said.
“So?” I said. “Your parents have made it abundantly clear that he’s not your brother any longer.”
A twitch started beside one of Sarai’s eyes.
“I don’t care what they say!” she snapped. “They raised him like a son, and I love him like a brother. I say that makes us siblings, whether the same blood runs through our veins or not.”
Silently regarding her, I tried to decide whether I believed this girl. In my experience, human children tended to cling to their parents’ beliefs and prejudices, at least until they could experience independence, and regarding the Esela, Sarai’s parents held a chip on their shoulder, no matter how much they might try to prove otherwise with their charity work.
Sarai must have come to a realization about something because her face crinkled into the pouty look she wore when she was disappointed.
“Why are you here?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be in creche?”
“No,” I said.
And I gave her nothing else, returning to my inspection of the troops. The rush of wounded had slowed to a trickle, and seeing that, the first niggle of worry rose in the back of my mind.
Where was my friend? Why had so few of the Esela returned? Had my father been among those called to fight this morning?
“Why do you have a sword on you?”
Sarai’s question had been so forcefully spoken that it broke through the stream of my own.
“Don’t you know how the humans’ creche operates?” I said.
Over the years, Sarai had adjusted to my lack of deference for her, so when I slipped up, calling her people ‘humans’ rather than ‘the masters’, my typical cringe had been replaced with a shrug. This girl had stuck to me like a bad case of lung rot, no matter what insult—whether intentional or not—I'd paid to her.
“I know creche children don’t carry swords,” she said with a frown. “It’s a privilege that’s reserved until after they…”
I enjoyed a brief moment of silence while she put two and two together.
“Have you graduated?” she eventually asked in a small voice.
“Yes.”
And nothing else.
“But… you’re fourteen, Gael!” Sarai cried. “How…? Why?!”
“I wanted to be here for Cor’s birthday, and class was taking too long,” I said, narrowing my eyes.
The human who’d coordinated today’s expedition had ridden from beneath the canopy of the trees. He was immaculate with not a hair out of place and not a drop of sweat marring his features. Instantly, my hackles rose, my fists clenched, and I took a step forward.
So, it was extremely fortunate that Sarai took the moment to storm in front of me, smacking me with all of her strength. The force of it staggered me, and dazed, I raised a hand to the offended cheek.
“What was that for?” I snapped.
She was looking at me with tears in her eyes.
“Why are you so careless, you fool?” she cried. “How much do you hate the people who care for you?”
For the love of…
“I don’t hate you, Sarai!” I growled. “I need-”
Pausing, I grabbed at the air as if to throttle it. Why couldn’t she or anyone else understand?
“I’m doing what I must to keep you, all of you, safe,” I continued. “But if I’m to do that, I need more freedom than what I had in creche. If I’d stayed there, I could never find-”
I cut off, going cold at the realization of how close I’d come to revealing my truth, and while indignation and concern still clung to Sarai, a familiar hunger had also come to light in her eyes.
“Find what?” she asked.
But something else had caught my eye. The last of the Esela were emerging from the trees, and among them limped my father and Corsivis.
My friend’s arm was flung over my father’s shoulders, which seemed needed. Weeping blisters had crusted over half of Corsivis’ face, from just below the eye until they disappeared beneath his cuirass’ neckline. His armor had been charred to his left arm, and if that hadn’t been bad enough, a wicked slash on his hip was opening and closing with every step he took.
“Sarai…”
I’d meant to send her home before she could see this picture of horror, but as she’d watched the blood drain from my face, she must have also heard the warning in my voice. She flipped around to face her worst fear, and a breath later, her distressed shriek pierced my heart.
Tripping on her skirt, Sarai flew to her brother, leaving me to follow her at a much slower pace.
“-you the best healer in the city,” she was frantically chattering when I caught up.
With every word, she lifted her hands toward and away from her brother’s unburned skin.
“They won’t see him,” my father said. “None of the masters’ healers will treat an Eselan.”
Seemingly dazed, Corsivis rasped, “Best healer in the city’s not human.”
That assertion launched him into a coughing fit so violent that it had Sarai and my father struggling to support him.
“What are you talking about?” Sarai asked.
I barreled over any reply my friend might have made.
“How long have you been coughing like that?”
Corsivis started to answer, but before he could, my father interrupted.
“Gael? Why are you outside of creche?”
I raised a finger toward him, fixing my gaze on my friend.
“Cor?” I said.
“It won’t stop,” Corsivis said before breaking into another wave of body-shaking coughs.
“Godsdamnit,” I said under my breath. “All right. I can do this. Let’s get him home.”
Jerking back, my father said, “Home? We need to take him to a healer!”
I couldn’t indulge the impatience I wanted to unleash.
Calmly, I said, “If Cor has saved the items I’ve been pilfering from creche’s clinic over the years, I’ll have everything I need at home.”
Both my father and Sarai loudly voiced their objections—
“Gaelen, you can’t play mad scientist on-”
“I’m not letting you-”
—and I considered the possibility of getting Corsivis home on my own. Fortunately, my friend spared me that difficulty.
“Do what he says,” he gasped. “Gael… best healer…”
And he promptly fainted. Once my father finished balancing the significant addition of weight on him, I expectantly cocked my head.
“Well?”
Slowly exhaling, my father deflated, nodding once. As we started moving, Sarai sputtered protests, but she was helpless to stop us now that we’d made up our minds. She trailed us as we dragged Corsivis through the barracks. Eventually, we reached the hovel that my parents called their own.
When we burst through its door, my mother shot out of a chair by the table, leaving a bowl full of shucked peas on top of it. She must have been out of her mind with worry. Those precious peas only ever emerged once she’d worn a furrow into the earth with her pacing.
“What-?” she said. “Gaelen.”
Then, she spotted the people behind me, lifting her hands to her mouth.
“Oh, no. Cor…”
“Start boiling water!” I snapped at her.
I could afford no other words right now.
Before my mother had registered my demand, we were in the bedroom, and after carefully lowering my friend into bed, I dropped to my hands and knees, dragging my hidden lockbox from beneath its slats.
“What happened?” I asked.
“An ambush,” my father said. “We’d finished with scouting for the day and had turned back when fire encircled us. It was near instantaneous, Gaelen. I don’t know how they did it. Must be something new from a tear…”
As he trailed off, I said, “So, you walked through the fire to escape. How did some of you get out without injury?”
“They left an opening for us. A chokehold. An obvious trap,” my father said. “We all knew what would await us if we took that way out but-”
“The human ordered you through it anyway. Bastard!” I snarled. “Did the enemy have a form of contained flame with them too?’
“Little jars of it, yes. They rained the missiles of death on us and Cor-”
My father looked away.
“Cor took one for me,” he said. “You’ve made a good friend, son. Are you sure you know what you’re-?”
“Yes.”
Popping open a smelling salt vial under Corsivis’ nose, I laid my arms over his limbs, preparing for-
Taking a deep breath, my friend released it in an agonized scream, struggling to break free of a perceived enemy, but I didn’t move my arms. I couldn’t have him moving too much. His injuries were bad enough without terror exacerbating them.
“Cor! You’re home! You’re safe!” I shouted. “I’m sorry.”
Vaguely, I felt Sarai pounding her fists on my back before my father dragged her out of the room. Probably a wise move on his part. Corsivis’ sister didn’t need to see what I must do to heal him.
The bucking body beneath me fell still, and wheezing breaths replaced yelling.
“Gael?” Corsivis said. “What’s going-?”
He went quiet, tensing.
“Ah.”
Corsivis had lived with the rank and file long enough to know why I’d woken him up. His wounds were severe, meaning I’d need him conscious while I treated him. He’d tell me if anything I did to him felt excessively wrong.
“Sorry,” I said with a pained grimace.
“Stop it,” he rasped. “Let’s get this over with.”
While I’d woken my friend up, my mother had brought me the boiled water I’d requested, and I used it to sterilize my instruments the best I could before returning to my patient.
“How about another Arivor story while I work?” I asked.
“Sounds great,” Corsivis gasped with panic making his breath come short.
Setting my scalpel against his cuirass’ neckline, I began both with removing his ruined armor and my story.
“Years before the event that ruined Arivor’s life, a war broke out between the Eselan empire and the lesser human kingdoms. Life was different back then, you know. We Esela were considered the superior race, and humans were cockroaches beneath our heel.
“So, the Esela thought this war was a joke, a conflict that would be over and done with in the blink of an eye. Their expectation wasn’t to be.”
I paused, meaning to give my friend a break from the peeling of fabric and flesh from his charred arm, but Corsivis waved for me to continue.
“The war was brutal and long, for if there’s one thing humans excel at, it’s violence. Early in the war, Arivor and his best friend, Eriadren, were drafted to the front. There, they made names for themselves: Arivor for his cunning and Eriadren for his bravery. They saved one another’s lives on countless occasions with both of them determined to safely shepherd the other through the war-”
A hissing screech interrupted my story, and I blinked back tears. It seemed fitting that the first time I shared a tale of Arivor and Eriadren would be while I fulfilled the role that had consumed my former life.
I’d finished removing Corsivis’ melted armor, and while he fought to keep still, I applied a soothing balm to his arm and face. The stuff was shit, but this era had come with something I thought I’d never see after my last life: worse medicine. I was using the best salve I’d found here on my friend.
It must have provided some comfort because Corsivis soon calmed down, enough for me to continue with the split in his hip.
“During the war, a pivotal battle took place. The humans overcommitted, moving to capture the city that regulated the empire’s river trade: Rastchaka. It was a move of stupidity that surprised the Esela because during this war, the humans had produced the first competent general they’d had in centuries. He’d been the reason that the Esela had retreated until the humans were occupying a significant swath of the empire’s fringes.
“Eselan high command saw the numbers arrayed against this city and panicked, predicting certain defeat. Arivor looked at it and saw an opportunity. With so many troops to protect him, the human general would think his safety was secured. He’d never expect an assassination attempt.
“So, Arivor, Eriadren, and a hand-picked squad of soldiers shape changed to appear human before infiltrating the enemy camp.”
Snipping away a last stitch, I sat on my heels. I could do nothing more for my friend, besides keeping him hydrated and monitoring him for changes.
His smoke inhalation worried me. If too much damage had taken place in his lungs, Corsivis might suffocate simply because those organs couldn’t function the way they were meant to.
And I could do nothing about that…
Well. I could do one thing, but I’d rather not use Ele to fix my friend, if it could be helped. I’d already tempted fate once with him. I didn’t want to do that again.
“That’s it?” Corsivis wheezed. “You won’t finish the story?”
My treatment of his injuries must have taken a lot from my friend. His eyes kept drooping while his features had relaxed, and at that, I smiled. I’d give him a bedtime story, if that was what he wanted.
“As you know, shape change is the most difficult of Esela magics. Not everyone can maintain it for long.
“Unfortunately, Eriadren was one of those people. His guise slipped while the squad was inside the human camp, and they were all captured. They thought they’d met their end, but the humans made a vital mistake. They underestimated the Esela.
“The squad, weakened by magic’s energy drain, was brought before the infamous general so he could scoff and gloat to his heart’s content, and in that moment, Eriadren showed his strength.
“Yes, that man was horrid at all things magical, but he was a genius with the blade and a stubborn bastard to boot. He slipped free of his bonds, vanquished the general’s bodyguards, and killed that troublesome man with his own blade. Of course, after that, he fainted. Magic use and physical exertion had caught up with him in one immense rush.
“When he regained consciousness, his squad was dead, except for Arivor, and with no relief in sight, those two notorious friends faced certain death, back-to-back. They fought their enemy, tooth and nail, with a wildness that for years to come, the humans would call insanity, standing firm until the cavalry could rescue them.
“After that rout, the humans were broken. Several more skirmishes broke out between the races before peace was achieved, but not one of them came as close to threatening the empire.
“And Arivor went home a hero.”
Corsivis’ snore was the most appreciated applause I’d ever received. I’d wanted to share this story since class this afternoon, when my demonstration had sparked the memory. I was glad to have given it to my friend, the only person in this era who viewed Arivor with anything but disgust.
“Happy birthday, Cor,” I said under my breath.
Someone moved behind me, making me tense.
“Why did only Arivor go home a hero?” Sarai quietly asked. “Eriadren seemed like the story’s hero to me.”
Gods. It was only her.
Quietly breathing out, I said, “How long have you been listening?”
“Long enough to know that you shared a story about Eriadren, or the Preserver as the Esela call him, with my brother,” Sarai said.
When I whipped around to face her, she waved me down.
“Oh, I don’t care about Eselan legends. Your race needs all the hope it can get. I’m more concerned with the Doldimar side of that tale,” she said. “Why do you tell my brother these stories? You can’t fill his head with a glowing vision of that man.”
What…? Why did she care?
Sarai looked down her nose at me for a while, at least until she realized I was genuinely curious.
“You don’t know who my brother is?” she said. “He’s never told you?”
That was a strange question. I’d always wondered why Corsivis, a half-Eselan, had been allowed to live among the humans. For a long time, I’d thought it was because of his human half, but other half-Esela hadn’t been welcomed into that exceedingly closed community. Perhaps there was something more to the story.
“He’s never said a word. Why do you ask?” I said. “Who is he? Besides Corsivis, I mean.”
Shaking her head, Sarai said, “Cor is Doldimar’s descendant.”
For a moment, I could only blink at her, but then, I burst into laughter; the idea was so ridiculous.
“That’s impossible,” I gasped. “Rafe… his kid… he died.”
At the mention of that boy, a blanking spell threatened to overcome me, but with the preceding laughter’s help, I shoved it aside.
It didn’t help that Sarai was looking at me with something akin to disgust right now, though.
“Do you really think that Doldimar, crazy overlord of absolute power, stayed celibate between the destruction of the Eselan empire and his defeat?” she asked.
That was… huh.
I’d always thought Arivor was devoted to Clariss, his wife, but I supposed that devotion would have been exempted after she’d left him.
Still. Corsivis was a half-Eselan…
As if hearing that objection in my mind, Sarai continued, “Doldimar preferred human women. I suppose he couldn’t stomach violating the women of his own race, so he saved his… peculiar proclivities for women of the lesser race instead.”
With my gorge rising, I shot to my feet. I couldn’t consider… COULDN’T.
“Let me know if he stops breathing,” I said before fleeing the room.
Sightlessly fumbling for a chair, I collapsed into it before hiding my head in my hands. I’d almost forgotten what Doldimar was capable of, almost forgotten the horrors, almost forgotten the victims—
A release of weight from my hip drew me out of this blanking spell’s grip. Frantically, I reached for Shadowsteal, only to find my gloves alone at my waist. In a flash, they were on, and I summoned my sword back to me, leaving my father temporarily frozen.
Lowering his empty hands, he said, “I see you’ve graduated early.”
From their mat in the corner, my mother yelped.
“He’s what?”
As she jerked upright, I sheathed Shadowsteal, returning my head to the care of my hands.
“Yup. I’m free of creche,” I said.
In the resulting weighty silence, their judgment loudly shouted. The only sound in the hovel came from Sarai, who was softly chattering to her unconscious brother.
Soon enough, though, the two chairs across from me scraped over dirt, and my parents settled in for a long conversation.
“Tell us what happened.”
5
Quincy, Gaelen
Quincy
“Please, don’t make me come with you.”
When the summons had come, this was the request my son had made of me, which had only furthered my confusion.
To me, Gaelen’s recent behavior had been even more odd than anything he’d done in the past. He wasn’t a coward. That much was clear from how little he feared the masters and his insistence on being who he was, despite their displeasure. Knowing that, I didn’t understand why my son had been avoiding our city’s daily expeditions into the forest.
A little over a year had passed since his graduation from creche, and in that time, he hadn’t joined the expeditions, not even once.
This wasn’t to say that Gaelen wasn’t pulling his weight in the community! Throughout that time, he’d been working in the city’s healing clinics, spending many a day in crop fields as well.
Unfortunately, these jobs, the ones he’d chosen to do? They were traditionally women’s duties, and because of that, people had been talking.
When Gaelen had first graduated, no one had paid his latest oddity any mind. As a rule, young people fresh from creche typically got a week’s leeway, time where they could establish themselves, before they were expected to take up the duties they’d carry for the rest of their lives.
After his first week in the community had passed, people hadn’t commented on Gaelen’s failure to follow this tradition. Over the years, the many times he’d snuck out of creche had ingrained the practice of ignoring him into them, but as soon as other children from his creche year had started graduating, the whispers of ‘coward’ had started circulating, getting ever louder.
I didn’t care what my neighbors thought of my son. I knew Gaelen, and because of that, I was proud of the man my boy had become. What worried me, though, was what happened when a whisper from the Esela rumor mill eventually got the masters’ attention.
Supposedly, Esela were allowed to have free reign of our activities during the day, so long as whatever we did also advanced the city’s interests, but in actuality, the masters made their preferences for our tasks known.
Typically, no Esela would dare defy them. For instance, they wanted Mycella to be a maid, so every day, she gathered her tools and commenced scrubbing whichever home she’d been assigned that day. They wanted me to be a soldier, so every morning, I joined an expedition into the forest, praying all the while that we’d avoid encounters from another city’s scouting parties.
If either of us chose to take up a different task, then our rations got cut for a week.
And we needed to eat.
In the last month, Gaelen’s rations had dwindled to nothing, and he’d begun showing signs of starvation. He’d been snapping at the slightest irritant, and when he wasn’t cranky, he’d been sluggish and slow to respond. Having lost too much weight in far too short of a time, he’d gone to bed almost immediately after coming home each night.
And I’d had enough of this. I wouldn’t watch my son starve to death because he was being stubborn.
Over the last week, I’d been supplementing Gaelen’s rations with my own, and once he’d seemed more clear-headed, I’d sat the boy down, informing him in no uncertain terms that he’d be joining me on today’s expedition.
Now, we were waiting on the forest’s outskirts for the master of today’s outing to arrive. Having quietly stood beside me this whole time, Gaelen cleared his throat, quickly drawing my attention.
“I understand why this is happening, so I won’t protest it,” he said, “but for today, can we at least stay at the back of the group?”
I wished I could grant that request, truly, but given how our lives were, I had only one answer for my son.
“We can do that if that’s what the masters decide,” I said.
At that, Gaelen winced, which had me running my eyes over him. He looked antsier than I’d ever seen him before but…
This wasn’t fear I was seeing. I could perhaps call his bearing restless or agitated, but Gaelen definitely didn’t look afraid. With his lip pinched between his teeth, he picked at the gloves that he insisted on wearing into combat.
As if to distract me, the Esela around us shifted, a change in demeanor that announced the master’s arrival, and on seeing who it was today, I groaned, releasing a fervent prayer to Alouin for safety.
Jace was one of the city’s best commanders. Innumerable captures and routs could be attributed to his name, but unfortunately, he was also ridiculously careless with Eselan lives, spending them without a thought or concern. Some said that losing more soldiers per expedition than any other commander was Jace’s pride and joy, something that was only made worse by the man’s second fixation: befriending me.
While I didn’t typically like to admit it out loud, I knew that I was the best swordsman in this city. In fact, my excellence with the blade was one of the reasons that over his childhood, Gaelen’s many shenanigans had been excused. The masters had wanted to see if my son would display the same talent.
In the past, other human commanders had courted me, trying to get me to give them my fealty, but Jace didn’t seem to care about that. He was fascinated by the idea that an Esela could be superior to a master in even a single skill.
Many were the nights where Jace had insisted on taking me drinking, despite the strictures against an Eselan doing such a thing, or to parties where he could show me off, all in a vain attempt to catch me off guard. He wanted to prove that he, the master, was better with the sword, studying my every move whenever possible, and frankly, I was sick of being his pet project. I’d been sick of it for a while, actually.
This was the man who would lead us into the no man’s land of the forest today. He rode to his waiting soldiers, inspecting us with a critical eye.
“Good enough,” he said, as if to himself.
When he spurred his horse into the forest, we followed, and as per Gaelen’s request, I kept us toward the back of the column.
This position was new to me. Usually, I was one of an expedition’s scouts, leading the way into danger, so being surrounded by so many people was strange. I was used to my tense, daily communions with the forest.
Even in the relative safety found this far back, I stayed on high alert, flicking my gaze across the forest with my ears pricked, but after hours without a sign of another expedition, I let myself relax, if only minutely. Dusk had come calling, and within the hour, we’d turn back to the city, soon to celebrate our good fortune today.
As if to disappoint me, a scout noiselessly slid through the brush, rushing to confer with Jace. That man carefully listened to the scout’s report before breaking into a fierce grin, and my heart sank. While Jace dispensed orders, I turned on Gaelen, grabbing his wrist.
“No matter what happens here, you stick with me, all right?” I whispered.
Gaelen nodded with his jaw clenched, and at the expression on his face, I snatched my hand away. In the space of a breath, my little boy had aged ten years, but I didn’t get time to marvel at this change. With Jace shooing the column into cover, an ambush was soon set.
When the enemy party arrived, they slunk into our trap with a professionalism I had to admire. Their column had kept to a tight formation, and despite the late hour, I saw every one of the Esela’s eyes peeled. Almost, that attentiveness was enough to save them.
Almost.
Unfortunately for them, our scouts had proven better than theirs today, eliminating the enemy’s lookouts, and without the advantage of a warning, these people had no chance. As soon as the order to attack came, these men were doomed.
So, why hadn’t Jace given the order?
I contemplated this delay for a few moments before realizing that the enemy party’s master had yet to make an appearance. While eliminating an expedition’s worth of hostile soldiers would certainly be advantageous for my people’s masters, Jace had always been notoriously greedy. He’d want to capture this expedition’s master as well, to be ransomed back to their home city later.
As I watched the hapless Esela marching scant few feet in front of me, I tried to silence the voices of despair and outrage in my head, the ones making my blood boil. It was bad enough that the masters wouldn’t find common ground with each other. Not only did they refuse to stop these pointless expeditions, but they also threatened my people with extinction via starvation if we didn’t participate as well. If we wanted to eat, we had to fight the masters’ battles for them, and that… that wasn’t fair.
Silently, Gaelen covered my clenched fist with his own hand. Holding my gaze, he gave me a small shake of his head, and I forced myself to relax.
My son was right. Starting a deadly fight wound up like this would only get me killed.
And this fight was about to begin. The quested after master had emerged from wherever he’d been hiding, and tensing, I waited for the signal.
The twang of bowstrings soon had me springing to my feet, moving forward as enemy soldiers dropped to the ground. After that, my play on time became a blur of perfectly flowing activity. I was the avatar of death among the enemy, my fellow Esela. Every swipe, every thrust was made with extreme efficiency, all to end these people’s lives as painlessly as possible.
My performance was only slightly marred today. I’d given a large chunk of my attention to my son’s work.
I’d never doubted that Gaelen would be good in a fight. Noblinson and the other combat instructors had always insisted that my son made his weapons sing for him, and on watching him dance through the enemy, I could understand why they’d said that. Almost always accompanied by rivers of light, Gaelen moved from one opponent to another in the blink of an eye, making fighting forms that took decades to perfect look easy.
It was only as the skirmish ended that I noticed the single item of utmost importance Gaelen had failed to do.
My son’s opponents were still breathing. Gaelen hadn’t killed a single one. Some of them were missing limbs while others were unconscious, but none were dead. The skill needed to accomplish something like that… the awe of it almost canceled out my dismay.
In most cases, the masters would approve of these acts of mercy, just like any other person of conscience, but when on an expedition, the party’s goal wasn’t one of feints and permitted retreats. In these forests between the master’s cities, a war of attrition was constantly playing out. The point of the expeditions was to eliminate as many enemy soldiers as possible.
Because why would the masters ever stop to negotiate or talk to one another?
As I finished off my last opponent, I hurried to Gaelen’s side. With his shoulders slumped and his eyes absently fixed on his sword, my son looked lost, and I didn’t know how to comfort him, not when I had to help him fix his mistake as well.
“Gaelen! What are you doing?” I hissed. “You have to kill them. Now. Before Jace comes this way.”
My son raised his gaze to meet mine, and the anguish in them nearly knocked me over.
“I can’t,” he said with his voice strained.
Oh, Alouin. Oh Alouin, I’d never wanted this for my son but…
“What do you mean, you can’t?” I growled. “It’s easy! Look.”
Striding to an Eselan who was whimpering over a lost hand, I silenced his cries with a thrust through the eye.
Gesturing to my son, I said, “Now you.”
But Gaelen only stared at me, refusing to move, and on catching sight of Jace’s swift approach, I grabbed my son’s arm, dragging him to a soldier he’d merely knocked unconscious. Once there, I positioned his hands so that his sword was left hovering over the enemy’s ribs. He needed to only apply a little pressure, and this man would die, but Gaelen wouldn’t move.
Glancing toward coming danger, I whispered, “Come on, son. If you don’t do this, the masters won’t be happy.”
When Jace caught sight of us, he frowned, sending panic tearing through my thoughts.
Why was my son hesitating like this? Didn’t he know what was at stake? If Gaelen couldn’t deal death on the enemy, it wouldn’t matter that he’d graduated from creche. This was the one issue that any master could use to declare an Eselan defective.
Hell. Maybe Gaelen just needed a shove.
With a soft growl, I took hold of the pommel of my son’s sword, pushing down with all of my might, but- but Gaelen’s arms refused to budge.
Which wasn’t possible. With the force I was applying, my son should have at least lost his balance. Even if he’d somehow stayed on his feet, those arms should have extended, surrendering in their fight against gravity. They most certainly shouldn’t have stayed fixed in stone like this. That was impossible.
But that meant…
Gaelen had said he couldn’t kill.
“Alouin, that wasn’t a metaphor, was it?” I said, horrified. “Your body literally won’t let you end a life.”
“I asked to stay home today for a reason.,” Gaelen said.
This was why my son had avoided joining expeditions for so long. He hadn’t been running from a fight. He’d been trying to avoid a death sentence, and I’d destroyed any chance he’d had at that.
Dear Alouin. What had I done?
As he stopped beside us, Jace said, “Why aren’t these Esela dead?”
Oh, hell. How did I-?
“We’re in the middle of fixing that,” I scrambled to say. “Just finishing up now.”
“Well?”
With a significant glance, Jace waved at Gaelen, who still had his sword point hovered over an enemy’s heart.
“Get to it,” he said.
I didn’t know how I could fix this mistake with my son left alive, but even still, I turned toward the master, intent on doing it. Whatever would soon be required of me, I had to get in between these two men. In fact, I was ready to kill Jace if I must, even if that would start a wave of persecution against the other Esela in my city. I loved my son that much.
His voice stopped me short.
“No,” he said.
And I whirled on Gaelen. Many were the words that an Eselan should never say in the masters’ presence, but one of them was paramount: no. The masters didn’t take well to our refusal.
With his eyebrows soaring high, Jace whispered, “What did you say?”
Calmly, Gaelen sheathed his sword, lifted his chin, and glared at the man behind me.
“I said no,” he firmly stated. “You want these people dead? You’ll have to do it yourself because I refuse to do your dirty work for you.”
Something brushed against my shoulder hard enough to knock me into the dirt, and by the time I was on my feet again, Jace had hold of Gaelen’s hair, tilting the boy’s head back. My son continued staring at the man until a knife was buried into the soft spot under his chin, and once that was done, Jace dropped the body like it was so much trash.
In the distance, someone howled into the blood-soaked forest, but I was too busy reaching my son to care about that. I lifted an empty sack of flesh and bone into my arms, brushing hair out of its face.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!”
When Jace slapped me, dragging my attention to him, the blow was almost enough to send me into a blood-lust filled rage, one that would see the man who’d murdered my son dead.
He looked at me like I’d done something unexpected.
“What are you so upset about?” he said. “It was just a defective mongrel.”
And wrath colored my world red, choking my voice.
“He was my son!” I coughed.
With a sharp inhale, Jace took a step back.
“Ah,” he said. “I’m- I’m sorry… wait. Why am I apologizing to an Eselan?”
Shaking his head, he gestured at the motionless mass in my lap.
With a shrug, he said, “Well, I guess you can keep the dagger. Maybe its sale will compensate you for your loss.”
I wanted to indulge my rage at those words, truly I did, but instead, Jace’s prompt dragged my unwilling gaze down to my son. A dagger was still stuck through Gaelen’s head with its cross guard resting under his chin, and when I’d moved him into my lap, it had opened his jaw, revealing a metal glint between his crimson teeth.
In a flash, I was on the other side of the clearing, offering the gift of my last meal to the forest. Tears joined vomit on the forest floor, and for the single longest hour of my life, I shuddered in place, struggling to digest the fact that my son was dead.
Wondering if Jace would let me return to the city with his body.
Lost in the face of how I’d share this with Mycella.
Eventually, I took a steadying breath, ready to face the nightmare that Jace had made of my son. When I turned, however, white light blinded me, leaving splotches in my vision, and around them, I saw Gaelen’s body twitch with his hands feebly searching for the dagger’s hilt.
“Papa! Please!” a beloved voice gurgled.
Gaelen
As the human’s face mottled into an interesting array of red shades, he charged me, bowling my father over in the process, and I sighed, wondering how he’d murder me.
Earlier this morning, I’d discussed this possible outcome with Creation, not long after my father had revealed his immovable intentions for today. The splinter had agreed that with my annoying handicap, death had been almost guaranteed for me before the day’s end, and once I’d convinced it that my father’s mind couldn’t be changed, I’d begged Creation to keep me dead for more than an instant. Whoever eventually murdered me couldn’t see my return.
I hoped the splinter kept that promise.
As the human jerked my head back, I poured the totality of my disdain onto him, but when I tasted steel in my mouth, I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening. After the years I’d spent with Reive, I’d come to expect more agony before the release of death. It seemed, however, that this death would be quick—
I crumpled onto a familiar, white landscape, quickly righting myself to find Alouin. After what that bastard had done to me and Arivor, I hated him, but in the past, he’d proven useful during the brief moments I spent in his world. Our communication had typically progressed one word at a time, but considering how many times Reive used to kill me in one day, such a hindrance had been no hindrance at all over those years.
As usual, Alouin was looming over my sprawled body, but this time, the distress on his face was new.
“Eriadren! What are you-?” he said before frowning. “You’ve been here for far too long.”
He began playing his fingers through the air and—
A burst of white light propelled me into my body.
Damn. I hadn’t gotten to ask-
Why could I taste steel—?
“Fuck!” I shouted, letting the expletive fly into Alouin’s worried face.
That son of a bitch had left his dagger in me? Godsdamnit! Maybe this would be an agonizing death after all.
“Gaelen-” Alouin started.
I took a deep breath, forcing my jaw open as wide as it could go, but even then, steel pierced through the roof of my mouth.
Desperately, I sought the dagger’s grip while crying out for help, and as I did, the blade fileted my tongue. I choked on a rush of blood—
“Arivor-” Alouin blurted when I appeared in his world.
Somehow, I gained a hold on the weapon, tugging to no avail. I was too weak.
Meanwhile, I once more made a mess of my tongue with tears crawling down the sides of my face.
“Please, help!” I cried.
My body convulsed—
“-is coming!” Alouin hurried to finish.
Coughing, I flailed for something, anything, to help me. I couldn’t stay stuck in a life-death sequence like this for much longer. I’d go well and truly mad.
When someone took hold of my questing hands, years of torture with Reive asserted their dominance on my mind, and I let loose a wail, thrashing and kicking.
Fighting with all my strength to buck my captor off of me.
“Son! SON! GAELEN! It’s all right! I’ve got you!”
That voice wormed through my mind-numbing terror, forcing it back long enough for me to realize two things. One: my father was the one speaking to me. And two: I couldn’t taste steel.
I was alive.
“Papa,” I croaked despite my ravaged throat.
“I’m right here, Gaelen,” my father said.
Beaming down at me, he smoothed my hair along my forehead. He held my wrists with his other hand, so tightly clasped together that my fingers had started going numb.
“My hands,” I managed to mumble.
And my father loosened his grip so quickly that I wondered if he’d forgotten he was holding me.
“What happened?” I gasped. “Did anyone-?”
With a flash of muted light, my throat was healed, leaving me coughing.
“Did anyone see…?”
How should I finish that question?
“Besides me, you mean?” my father asked.
He laughed at my annoyed expression before patting my shoulder.
“Your secret’s safe, son.”
So, Creation had done its job. I’d have to thank it later. Maybe I should also ask what it had done to delay the force that kept me in perfect health.
When I sat up, my father reluctantly released his hold on me. Night had fallen in the time since the human had forced a knife through my mouth, and in the quiet, I noted that my father and I were alone, surrounded by the dead.
“Where is everyone?” I asked.
“Headed home, I presume,” my father said. “I lost track of them after…”
After I’d died.
Poor man. I hadn’t meant to hurt him, but when leaving this morning, I couldn’t have told him what I’d thought would happen today, much like I couldn’t share that I’d survive it. He’d never have believed either of those claims without proof. Hell, he’d had a hard enough time with accepting my inability to kill someone.
Still, I hated that circumstances had made him think his son was dead, no matter how unavoidable that had been.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry! You came back to me,” my father said. “You’re-”
His eyes went wide.
“You’re a miracle, Gaelen!”
Wincing, I turned away. I was no miracle. If anything, I was a curse.
After climbing to my feet, I dusted my trousers off before offering my father a hand. In an awkward silence, we set off for home while I racked my brain for a way to explain why I was alive and breathing. I needed something that would convince an entire city I wasn’t an abnormality that needed to be put down.
As if to himself, my father said, “When you graduated last year, I always thought ‘blin had gone a little crazy, but he was right, wasn’t he? You are the-”
“Don’t,” I interrupted. “Please, don’t put your faith in me. I have one purpose in this life: to murder my best friend when he shows his face. I don’t care about anything else.”
Whoops. I probably shouldn’t have said that, but as always, dying had left me a little… addled, we’d put it.
“What are you talking about?” my father said, snapping his head toward me. “I used to change your diapers when you were a baby, young man! I have all the faith in the world in you, but that faith is that you’ll become a decent man, not that you’ll fulfill some preordained role.”
He made a face before crossing his arms.
“And what’s this about murdering your friend?” he said. “You’re not planning on hurting Corsivis, are you?”
As he fell silent, glaring at me, I contained my delighted laughter with difficulty. There had been so many amusing comments in that diatribe, but the greatest of them had been that a man half my age had had the balls to scold me like a child. The experience was… refreshing.
“Corsivis has nothing to fear from me,” I said. “Arivor, on the other hand…”
Trailing off, I slowed down. While I’d been fluttering between life and death, Alouin had given me a message about my friend. What had it been?
I scrambled through an adrenaline-fueled mess of memory to piece it together, and once I had, I stopped short.
“Gaelen, Arivor is coming,” Alouin had said.
Damn. Had that man actually helped me? He was supposed to stay impartial in this aspect of the Eternal War, but instead, he’d given me a warning so I could prepare for-
The true implication of what Alouin had said hit me like a galloping horse. If he was right, the end was almost upon me this time, and I wasn’t ready for it. I’d gotten comfortable here, making far too many connections. I didn’t want to return to the Eternal War’s front line, to be born into a new body, to start over again.
“What is it?” my father asked.
When he rested a hand on my shoulder, I realized my body had been shaking, and if that weren’t bad enough, the concern in his voice made me flinch. Here I’d gone, giving this man hope that his son was un-killable, and I’d be leaving him soon. Hell.
“It’s nothing!” I tightly said. “I just realized that today’s commander will probably report my murder, although he’ll probably use a much more polite term than that for what he did. How’s a corpse supposed to get rations? And more importantly, how am I supposed to walk into a city that thinks I’m dead?”
For now, I couldn’t consider what was coming, not when I had so many present-day problems to address.
“We’ll worry about that if it becomes an issue,” my father said. “Right now, I’m more concerned with getting you to your mother before someone decides to share the news with her.”
That was a good point. My mother wasn’t exactly rational in the face of bad news. Who knew what she’d do to the person who told her that her son hadn’t survived today’s expedition?
And of course, I didn’t want her to think I was dead for even a minute.
Soon enough, the sparkle of firelight peeked through the trees, which had us picking up the pace. When we emerged from the forest, the typical crowd that gathered to welcome soldiers home had dissipated, leaving behind a single, tear-streaked girl. As soon as she saw us, she darted forward at an unbelievable speed, barreling into me when she reached us.
“Gaelen!” she sobbed. “They said you were dead! I didn’t want to believe them, but you took so long to come home.”
Hesitantly, I patted the girl’s back.
“Sarai,” I said. “It’s ok. I’m… fine.”
Pulling back, she snapped, “What happened?”
And I examined her. Considering the events of the forest and what Alouin had shared, could I-? Should I-?
When Creation didn’t pop in to stop me, I took a deep breath.
“You know those questions you love to pester me with?” I asked.
With her face closing off, Sarai warily said, “Yes…?”
“If you can convince the city that today’s commander was mistaken about killing me, then I’ll answer them for you,” I said.
That would be a good way to guarantee her help, right? And yes, a well-known look of calculation had taken hold of Sarai’s face.
“Jace had that honor today, so your request shouldn’t be too challenging. That man may be a brilliant commander, but half the time, he’s drunk off his ass,” she said before sharply nodding. “I can do it.”
With a relieved sigh, I said, “Thank you.”
I had nothing else to do here. Jerking my head at my father, I started my journey home.
Behind me, Sarai snapped, “And just where do you think you’re going?”
“Home,” I called without stopping. “I’m only answering those questions once you’ve followed through with your end of the deal.”
“You’re going home?” Sarai said. “Where a mob of terrified people could easily find you?”
She had a good point. Stopping, I rested my hands on my hips.
“What do you suggest?” I said, glancing back at Sarai.
“My parents are at a parlay with another city at the moment,” she said. “No one knows about this, but I’m the only one in the house right now. My family has…”
She flicked her eyes away.
“We’re having some issues. We’ve had to live without guards, among other niceties, for a while now,” she eventually continued. “So, my suggestion is this. Stay with me until tempers cool. No one will suspect that the ‘rogue Eselan’ is living with a human.”
Hmm. That could work.
Turning to my father, I asked, “What do you think?”
“I think she’s right, much as I hate to admit it,” my father said. “You go with her, and I’ll let your mother and Corsivis know what’s happened.”
Well, this idea made me uncomfortable, especially when it meant I’d have to trust a human to keep me safe, but I didn’t have much of a choice with it.
“I’ll follow you home, Sarai,” I said, “but I won’t like it.
When she rolled her eyes, I made a face, and while I was distracted with that exchange, my father scooped me into a bone-crushing hug.
“I know this will be difficult for you, son,” he said, “but try not to cause another incident while you’re with that girl.”
“I’ll do my best,” I said.
Clapping my shoulder, he brushed past me to plunge into the city, but before he could disappear, I called out, slowing down his pace.
“Papa, you know I love you, right?”
That made surprise flash through my father’s eyes. I wasn’t typically fond of expressing affection, so this was a rarity for me.
My father smiled at me.
“I know,” he said. “Love you too, Gaelen.”
I watched him go until he rounded onto a cross-street, hoping all the while that I’d see him again. If Alouin had been right and Arivor was on the way, though, that hope was likely to be dashed.
I had one more conundrum to address before following the human child to her den.
“So, tell me,” I said, “why were you waiting for the expedition’s return today?”
Sarai didn’t usually do that.
“I was waiting for you, silly,” she said.
Shifting in place, she refused to meet my eyes.
“I heard you’d joined the expedition today.”
Ok…
“But still. Why?” I asked. “After a day in the forest, I wouldn’t have had the patience for your constant questioning. So, why-?”
“I just wanted to check if my friend had survived,” Sarai said, glaring at me. “Am I not allowed to do that?”
But… she…
“Friend?” I squeaked.
With an exasperated sigh, Sarai lifted her hands to either side before dropping them in a rush.
“Yes! Friend!” she said. “Alouin, what else must I do to convince you of that?”
Oh, no. Her face was splotching, which was a sure sign she was about to explode.
“I- I’m sorry,” I said. “I thought you only associated with me because of my… unique abilities.”
That was what it had always seemed like, at least.
Rolling her eyes, Sarai snapped, “Like you only hate me because I’m human?”
And I recoiled because… because she was right. I’d never looked at Sarai as simply Sarai. She’d always been Corsivis’ human sister or the irritating human girl-child to me.
For all my griping about the prejudice and injustices done to the Esela, I’d certainly discriminated against her. Damn.
“I’m so sorry, Sarai,” I said. “I don’t know if it can excuse my behavior, but I promise that from now on, I’ll see you as you are, regardless of your race. I’ll only see you as my… friend.”
Great. Another connection that the end would soon sever.
But when Sarai slung her arms around my neck, I thought that would be worth it.
6
Gaelen, Mycella
Gaelen
With a crisp, fall snap in the air, today had dawned bright and beautiful, and I tried to enjoy it, despite the itch pressing me to escape from my self-imposed prison. It had been five days, and still, Sarai spent most of her time walking through the city, laughing at the tales of my demise while spreading rumors of her own. She told me that soon, I should make a public appearance to prove her version of the story, but that would only come once people’s moods had calmed down. Once it was safe.
That time couldn’t come soon enough.
I needed to be out of Sarai’s house and among the city’s citizens, keeping a finger on the pulse of the world. Trapped in this house as I’d been—separated from everyone except Sarai and the occasional visitor—I’d never hear the whispers of Arivor’s coming in time to find him. I had to reach him before he began his inevitable, bloody conquest.
At my side, Corsivis asked, “What’s got you so agitated, Gael?”
This morning, he and my mother had finagled their way into the work assignment for Sarai’s home. When they’d knocked on her door, the place had already been immaculate—I hadn’t had much to do while waiting—which had left them with plenty of spare time to visit with me.
We were lounging on the house’s roof garden, high above the buildings around it, while waiting for Sarai’s return. Lunch would commence once she’d arrived.
At Corsivis’ question, I stopped tearing the roll in my hand into tiny, fluffy pieces.
“I’m fine,” I snapped.
My mother disguised her short burst of laughter with a cough into her hand.
“Sure, sweetheart,” she said. “Only, you look like someone’s stolen your favorite plaything.”
With a soft growl, I scattered breadcrumbs over the table in front of me.
“I don’t like being idle, is all,” I said.
“You should enjoy it while it lasts,” Corsivis said.
Leaning back, he threw an arm over his eyes to shield them from the sun.
“Soon enough, you’ll be free to join the expeditions again.”
Frowning, I narrowed my eyes at my friend. Had that been jealousy in his voice?
“Yes, that’ll be great,” I said. “Because my first time doing it went so well.”
When Corsivis lifted his arm to glare at me, I raised an eyebrow. Apparently, that had been jealousy.
I couldn’t blame him for that, though. So many months before, my friend might have survived his brush with death, but despite my best efforts, his burns hadn’t properly healed. Because of them, his face had been pulled into a permanent sneer, something that had inexplicably increased his popularity with women, but the burns on his arm had healed so poorly that the limb hung at a crooked angle, a position that was incredibly painful for Corsivis to straighten.
With a disfigurement like that, no one wanted him to join an expedition, probably worried that he’d be more of a liability than an asset, but fortunately, because he’d earned this wound while on a trip into the forest, none of the humans expected him to join them anymore. He’d already proven his worth.
So, rather than venturing out to fight every day, Corsivis earned his rations by cleaning houses with my mother.
His diminishment was a shame, really. Since his injury, Corsivis and I had occasionally sparred at day’s end, one way we relieved stress, and I knew from those sessions that my friend hadn’t lost his skill with swordplay. From the jealousy in his eyes, I also gathered that Corsivis missed the expeditions, or perhaps it was more that he missed feeling useful.
“Stop it, you two,” my mother said before my friend could make a scathing reply. “Don’t make me break up one of your fights again.”
With a wince, I remembered the months after my parents had welcomed Corsivis into their home. How many times had she gotten between us when we’d been brawling?
I didn’t typically lose my temper badly enough to do something like that, but sometimes, when I’d come home to find my carefully organized belongings strewn across the room, I’d exploded. The backs of my thighs sympathetically twinged at the memory of her charging into the midst of those scuffles, armed with only a broom.
As if in concert, Corsivis and I said, “Yes, ma’am.”
Which was the only proper reply to what my mother had said.
Fortunately, a breeze blew through our enclosed arbor before another argument could start, sending loose food skittering across the table, and the three of us broke apart, scrambling to save it before it hit the floor.
This was how Sarai found us.
“Well,” she said, “I’m glad someone is doing their assigned work today.”
When we three Eselan shot baleful glares at her, the human girl giggled into a hand.
“I’m only kidding!” she said.
Once she’d dropped into the last empty spot around the table, I nudged her.
“How did it go today?” I asked.
“Alouin, Gael! Can’t I have a moment to relax before you bombard me with questions?” she said.
Chuckling, I said, “Now you know how I’ve felt in the years since I met you.”
Too busy stuffing her face to reply, Sarai swatted my arm, and making a face, I rubbed it.
“Ow! What was that for?”
With a rueful grin in place, my mother said, “Do I need to smack some sense into the two of you as well?”
“Mama…” I said, collapsing onto my elbows.
“Hey!” Sarai yelped over me. “He started it!”
“What are you talking about?” I growled. “I’m only-”
With a head shake, my mother butted in.
“No, she’s right, sweetheart,” she said. “You’re unusually snippy today. What’s wrong?”
Suddenly, I was the sole actor on a stage of my own making, and as Sarai, Corsivis, and my mother stared at me, I squirmed in place. The hunger that had earlier filled my plate with food abandoned me to my less than desirable fate. Hell, I didn’t want to get into this.
“I told you. I don’t like being idle,” I said, hoping that would be enough of an explanation for them.
As if to frustrate me, Corsivis chirped, “Nope! That’s not it. Sometimes, you spend hours staring at nothing. If that’s not ‘being idle’, I don’t know what else is.”
And I bristled in place, barely keeping scathing words in check.
Those are blanking spells, you insufferable moron! I can’t help them!
“Fine. That’s not it,” I conceded. “The truth is, I have a time-sensitive mission to complete, and the circumstances that have trapped me here are driving me a bit crazy.”
I expected them to laugh at me. What teenager claimed to have a mission beyond discovering their place in the world?
So, I was more than a little baffled when the others made noises of comprehension.
“Your dad mentioned this,” Corsivis said. “Murdering your best friend, huh? Should I be offended that you haven’t tried to kill me yet?”
When he stuck his tongue out at me, I rolled my eyes.
“Since it’s out there, can we talk about the fact that Gaelen wants to kill someone?” my mother said. “That’s… I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t know what to think about that.”
Oh… hell.
“It- it’s not what you think!” I said. “It’s a mercy!”
Fortunately, Sarai stepped in, saving me from having to explain.
“You two haven’t figured it out yet?” she said.
Their blank looks sent her into peals of laughter, so strong that her hand’s grip on the table became the only thing keeping her upright. Seeing this, I leaned back into the pillows, closing my eyes. Soon enough, this attack of hilarity would peter out, and Sarai would continue.
She knew almost everything now. True to my promise, I’d been answering Sarai’s numerous questions over the five days I’d spent with her, or at least, I’d answered the ones that Creation had let me respond to. For a time, those questions had seemed endless, but at some point, Sarai had gone quiet with the wheels in her mind turning.
I was proud to admit that Sarai, the girl who’d trailed in my shadow for nine years, was much smarter than I’d given her credit for.
As her laughter slowly exhausted itself, I contented myself with imagining the expressions on Corsivis and my mother’s faces, never opening my eyes.
“That man—”
Sarai must be pointing at me.
“—your son and friend, is Gaelen, well and true. He’s also Eriadren, the Eselan Preserver, and the mission he’s talking about? It’s not to free the Esela, like all of you believe it to be.”
As my mother and Corsivis absorbed this, the silence stretched, and I waited in its embrace. The pillows at my back were far too comfortable, and the sun’s rays, diffusing through the arbor overhead, were pleasantly warming my body. Why should I leave this state of relaxation to handle the can of worms Sarai had opened? So far, she’d managed that relatively well by herself.
After a moment, Corsivis said, “Sarai, have you gone mad? Eriadren’s been dead for almost a century.”
“But no one actually saw him die. He just… disappeared,” Sarai said. “Even if he did pass from our world, though, do you really think he’d stay dead for long? Come on, Cor. We know the stories. Eriadren couldn’t truly die. Always, he returned, just like he could never kill anyone free of Doldimar’s Corruption. Just like he became a flash of white light when he fought. Does that sound like anyone we know?”
Again, silence descended, one almost thick enough to pry my eyes open.
“But… he’s my baby,” my mother eventually said. “I carried him for nine months. How does that fit into your theory?”
“I…”
Sarai clicked her tongue.
“I don’t know,” she said.
And I sighed. I’d known she’d eventually hit a wall. It was time to sneak as much information past Creation as I could.
Never moving, I said, “The backlash destroyed my body. I needed a new-”
As my words choked off, I coughed. Damn Ele splinter. I hated when it stole my voice.
“Oh! Yes, that makes sense,” Sarai said. “Killing Doldimar must’ve come with consequences, what with Ele’s control of you. Any disbalance between Ele and Daevetch should never be allowed.”
At that declaration, I cracked open an eye. That girl had surprised me. I’d left enough hints for her to extrapolate those facts from, but I hadn’t expected her to put them together.
“Wait, wait, wait! You’re giving me a headache,” Corsivis said while rubbing his temples. “Assuming any of this is true, what’s our supposed Eriadren’s mission?”
Sarai looked at her brother like he’d just asked the stupidest of questions.
“Why, to kill Arivor, of course,” she said. “Isn’t that obvious? If Eriadren can return to life after a century without his presence, then so can the best friend he was tied to.”
After a beat of stunned silence, Corsivis moaned.
“Oh, you are not helping with my aching head!”
On those words’ heels, my mother whispered, “You think the worst plague this land has ever seen is destined to return?”
Enthusiastically nodding, Sarai pointed at me.
“And Eriadren will once more save us from him,” she said.
With a headshake, I slid my eyes shut again.
“My name’s Gaelen,” I said. “Eriadren died a long time ago. I’m Gaelen now, and Gaelen has a family and friends that he dearly loves. I’d like to have a pleasant lunch with them now, considering how few of these moments I have left.”
“Sorry, Eri- Gael,” Sarai said. “I was only trying to-”
“Help, I know. It’s all right.”
Groaning, I left the pillow’s comfort behind, sitting ramrod straight behind my place at the table. Smugness had, without a doubt, captured Sarai’s face, but the other two were unreadable.
Not that I needed facial cues to know what they were feeling. They were terrified. They were uneasy. They were-
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” Corsivis said with his voice clipped. “I’ve been your friend for nine years, and you never said a word!”
Or they could be outraged. I hadn’t considered that possibility.
Wincing, I said, “I couldn’t tell you. My invisible friend won’t let me talk about my life as Eriadren or the experi-”
Gagging, I spat into my hand, waiting for my voice to become mine before trying again.
“It won’t let me explain my curse, relegated as I am to be the Champi-”
This time, my entire body rebelled against me, leaving my stomach heaving, but I managed to keep it—if not my lungs—under control. My coughing fit lasted for so long that it temporarily impaired my ability to breathe.
“Alouin, stop!” Corsivis cried. “I believe you!”
Crawling to me, my mother rubbed my back until my lungs let me breathe once more. When the coughing fit subsided, she grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet her eyes.
“You’re my son, no matter who else you may be,” she said. “Nothing will ever change that.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“Thank you,” I shakily said.
“And you’ll always be my friend, Gael,” Corsivis said before smirking, “but you know this food’s getting cold, right? We should eat.”
Thank the stars for that attempt at a subject change.
As my mother released me, I smiled. Maybe this revelation hadn’t fazed them as much as I’d anticipated.
The four of us dug into delightfully human-grade food. At first, conversation around the table was stilted and forced, but with every passing moment, the knowledge that I was an Eselan of legend faded into the background of my companions’ minds, escorted along by my unchanged behavior.
After we’d eaten our fill, we relaxed, or most of us did. My mother got up to clear the table, meaning to fold it away, but before she could get started, Sarai insisted that she stay where she was. We three Esela uncomfortably watched the human clean up our meal’s remains.
Soon enough, only four people occupied the rooftop garden, and I moved closer to Corsivis while the ladies chattered about some rare dish that both of them wanted to cook.
“Are you all right?” I asked. “You’ve been grimacing and squinting up a storm over here.”
Making a face, Corsivis said, “Don’t worry about it, Gael. It’s only a headache.”
Rapidly shaking his head, he pushed his fingers into his temples.
“Although it is getting worse,” he continued.
“Maybe you should lie down, then,” I said.
My friend opened his mouth to protest, but then, he winced, rubbing his forehead.
“Maybe you’re right,” he said.
Climbing to his feet, he trudged to the stairs, and I faced the ladies.
“Did I hear one of you mention strawberries?” I said. “I love strawberries!”
Shattering ceramic emphasized the enthusiasm of my exclamation, which had me whirling toward the sound. A few feet from us, Corsivis was lying on the ground with his body twitching, and at the sight, Sarai screamed. I scrambled to my friend on all fours.
“Mama, get help!” I yelled.
She flew past me as I oh-so-gently pulled Corsivis onto his side, moving him away from the stairs.
“Sarai, help me get these broken pieces away from him!” I called.
While she did as I’d asked, I stepped around my friend’s convulsing body, putting myself between him and the stairs, but before I could get to my knees again, Sarai attacked me, grabbing my tunic so she could shake me.
“What are you doing?” she shouted. “Help him!”
“I am!” I said. “Sarai, calm down.”
The tone of my voice had her face blanching, and before she could lose her composure, I pulled her to my chest. I couldn’t handle two uncontrolled siblings alone, and Corsivis’ seizure took precedence over Sarai’s panic attack.
As I watched Corsivis’ body rhythmically twitching, I hoped the fit would soon stop. He’d fallen to the ground, what? Thirty seconds ago? A minute? As I recounted them, the seconds seemed to both crawl and race.
When my friend began gasping in time to his convulsions, I knew the worst was over. I let Sarai go, ready to guide my friend when he drunkenly emerged from the seizure.
It was to my surprise, then, that he fell still once it was over, and for a moment, I was afraid the fit had been enough to kill him. Before that fear could pull me apart, however, Corsivis exploded into motion. Springing upright, he crawled backward until a short wall halted his retreat.
“What’s going-? Where am-? Who-?”
Gods, he was so scattered that he couldn’t even finish his questions.
With my arms raised, I cautiously advanced on my friend, wondering what was happening. After a seizure, people didn’t typically recover like this. Corsivis shouldn’t be able to move as quickly as he had, not to mention coherently talking…
“You’re all right, Cor,” I said. “You had a seizure, but it’s over. You’re fine.”
“I don’t- I can’t-”
When Corsivis jerked his head up, his eyes landed on something behind me.
“What is that?” he shrieked.
Before I could answer, Sarai stormed past me, dropping to her knees so she could fling her arms around her brother’s neck, and Corsivis froze.
“I thought you were going to die!” she cried. “Don’t do that to me!”
After an awkward pause, Corsivis pulled away from his sister.
“I’m sorry. Who are you?” he asked. “I don’t know-”
When he was far enough away to see Sarai, the color drained from his face, and he desperately tried to retreat again, kicking at tile while scratching his fingernails against the wall behind him.
“What are you?” he hissed. “You’re-”
He stopped, as if listening to something.
“No! I won’t! Leave me alone!”
Oh… shit. Something must have gone severely wrong during the seizure. I needed to get Sarai away from her brother.
“Sarai… I think you should give Cor some space,” I said.
She either didn’t hear me or decided to ignore my suggestion. Scooting closer, Sarai rested a hand on her brother’s knee.
“Cor. It’s me!” she said. “Sar-”
“GET AWAY FROM ME!”
Panicked, Corsivis flung his hands in front of his face, and as if in response, Sarai’s head exploded in a shower of bone, blood, and brain. Something whistled by my shin, shattering a pot behind me, but I was too focused on watching a headless corpse fall to the side to worry about this destruction of property. A thick blanket had come to cover my ears, an impediment that failed to stop me from hearing Corsivis’ fevered protestations.
“What was that? I don’t… What did I do?”
So much blood. It was happening again. Another person I loved, dying before I could stop it. How did tragedy find me no matter where I hid?
Sarai, with her curiosity and intelligence, so like Lirilith—
“I don’t understand! I- I can’t! Not again!”
With a gasp, I jerked free of a blanking spell. At some point in the time I’d been absent, Sarai’s brother had extricated himself from her body, withdrawing to a far corner. He was crouched into a tight ball with his hands on his head.
“Go away!” he shouted.
Sighing, I scrubbed my face.
“I can’t do that, Cor,” I snapped. “We have to decide what to do about this.”
I couldn’t help the cold fury festering in my gut. Intellectually, I knew I shouldn’t blame my friend for what had happened. He hadn’t been in his right mind, but still, part of me was furiously screaming to take his head. How could he do that to his sister?
Wait. How had he done that to his sister?
“Cor?” I cautiously said. “Get up, please. My mother went for help, and she’ll return soon. With friends. We need to go.”
At the sound of my voice, my friend sprang out of his crouch, extending both hands toward me beseechingly.
“Who’s Cor?” he whined.
And I could only blink.
No. Gods, no.
Because shadows were roiling over his imploring hands.
“I told you to go away!” my- my friend shouted. “Why won’t you leave me alone?”
Somehow breaking free of the statue shock had made of me, I took one step forward and then, another. I approached my friend as one would with a wild animal, scrunching down to make myself look less threatening.
“Everything will be all right,” I said in as soothing of a voice as I could manage. “I’m here. Just like we planned, remember?”
With his face screwed up, my friend roughly shook his head.
“No, no! Stop!” he shouted. “You KEEP AWAY FROM ME!”
Swallowing hard, I said, “Arivor, it’s-”
Aiming at my heart, Arivor pointed at me, but fortunately, his arm was shaking so hard that it threw off the bolt he released by half a foot. It still collided with my chest, shredding through muscle and skin, and I still spun, scraping my hands as I broke my fall. Pain made time crawl around me, but eventually, an inevitable white flash came, making the hole in my body disappear.
And in the resulting silence, a quavering voice hesitantly asked, “Eriadren?”
“Hey, Arivor,” I wearily said. “Where have you been?”
With his body still shaking, Arivor said, “I- I just left that nightmare land of shadow. Right after you. Why? How long-?”
“Fifteen years,” I interrupted, unsure how I sounded so calm.
Arivor plastered a hand to his mouth.
“Alouin, that’s horrible,” he said around it.
“It wasn’t so bad,” I tiredly said. “I- I made some new friends.”
And I promptly fell to my knees, accepting fate’s decision that my place was on the ground. Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed into them.
It was too much. An hour ago, I’d been happily chattering with Sarai and Corsivis about possible Ele applications, and now, both were dead because of the Eternal War. Because of me.
Folding to the ground beside me, Arivor awkwardly patted my back.
“I’m sorry for whatever it is,” he said.
The hiss of chill air through my teeth sent an ache pounding across my face.
“Whatever it is?” I snapped. “It’s that!”
I pointed at the motionless form nearby, lying in a pool of cooling blood.
“And this!”
I waved at my old friend, wearing my newest friend’s body like a puppet master.
“You killed the people closest to me, Arivor!” I cried. “Again.”
As I gasped for air, I faintly noted how badly my throat hurt. Gods, when had I started screaming?
Arivor squinted at Sarai.
“No…” he said. “That was a monster. A walking, talking form of Daevetch.”
What was he-?
“A splinter…” I whispered.
How well did I remember when Creation had first appeared in my life? If I hadn’t been a helpless baby at the time, I probably would have attacked it.
And if I was right… if Arivor’s splinter had masked Sarai with its presence, my friend had understandably panicked. He must still believe that the headless corpse by the wall had been a manifestation of Daevetch, not a spunky, human girl.
I wouldn’t heap the guilt of these murders on my friend, not when he was already staggering under a load of other deaths. Especially not when a splinter had manipulated him into it.
As if summoned, Creation popped into being at my side, glaring at Arivor.
“Why haven’t you eliminated him yet?” it said.
“He’s wearing my friend’s body,” I said. “I can’t know if Corsivis is still in there, and I… I refuse to kill three friends today.”
Rolling its eyes, Creation said, “Two of them are already dead. Don’t make me force this, Eriadren.”
As he got to his feet, Arivor cocked his head.
“Who are you talking to?” he asked.
Distractedly, I said, “No one important. I’ll tell you later.”
“Once we’ve returned to the frontline?” Arivor asked.
But he'd spoken that question with such fear and hope. Gods…
“Are you that keen to leave the physical plane behind?” I asked.
Almost immediately, Arivor said, “Yes.”
Crossing his arms, he rubbed his skin, looking away.
“I can already feel Daevetch chipping away at my sanity. I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time, and you promised me that this time, you’d stop me before I fell to it.”
“I also promised that I’d break this curse,” I said. “I haven’t been able to make much progress with that yet, but maybe together…”
Arivor skeptically stared at me, as if aware of how little we’d be able to advance that cause now, but I… I just couldn’t.
“Look,” I said. “I’ll monitor you for erratic behavior. At the first sign Doldimar’s emerging, I’ll fulfill my promise to you. But first, let’s live a little. Please. I- I can’t take another loss today.”
I needed my friend. I needed a glimpse of the man I was fighting for, the person I’d known before his uncle had killed his son.
With narrowed eyes, Corsiv- Arivor pursed his lips, contemplatively regarding me.
“All right,” he eventually said.
Stepping forward, he offered me a hand up.
“Do you know any good taverns around here?” he asked.
I could only laugh at that. As if the humans would allow Esela near alcohol. Arivor had a lot to learn.
“No, but I’m sure Sarai’s parents stocked something inebriating in this house,” I said. “We can steal some of it before we run.”
Because the humans would not take kindly to an Eselan killing one of their young. I pushed away thoughts about how that had happened.
Sighing, I took Arivor’s hand, meaning to pull him into a hug.
“You can’t say I didn’t warn you, Eriadren,” Creation said.
Freezing, I glanced at it. The splinter inclined its head at my free hand, and of its own volition, it grabbed Shadowsteal, the weapon I’d absently donned this morning. Arivor dragged me to my feet, I pulled that legendary sword out of its scabbard, and the world slowed down to a crawl.
But I did not. I’d plunged Shadowsteal under Arivor’s ribcage—straight into his heart—before Creation gave me my body back. Once it was mine again, I almost lost my grip on the blade, so great was the renting, tearing pain in my heart.
Again. I’d murdered Arivor again, but this time, the one who would die was him, not his sick and twisted version.
He wasn’t dead quite yet, though. Surprise, confusion, and hurt were only just beginning to paint their way across his features, and I couldn’t watch that piece of art be completed.
“See you soon,” I said.
Placing a hand on Arivor’s chest, I did something I’d only attempted once before. As I pushed Ele through my fingers, I dropped Shadowsteal. Time sped up, and my friend flew off the roof, disappearing into the streets below.
And that was it. This life was complete, and my task was done. Soon enough, fire would consume me, and I’d be allowed a short respite.
What a mess I’d leave behind.
Trudging to Sarai, I collapsed beside her, clasping her hand in my lap.
“I should never have said you were my friend,” I said. “Nothing good ever happens to them, but don’t worry, Sarai. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Leaning my head against the wall, I closed my eyes and waited.
Mycella
I took the stairs two at a time, pausing on the fourth-floor landing to catch my breath. Finding a master who’d listen to my pleas had taken far longer than I’d have liked, and the men who’d agreed to come with me were taking their sweet time with following me. Had I told them how bad the situation was?
Alouin, I could barely think about it. In the years since he’d come to live with us, Corsivis had become like a second son to me. Seeing him lose control of his body had unfurled a wild animal inside of me. How crazy must I have appeared to the masters walking down the streets below? Maybe that was why they’d kept avoiding me.
When I heard the excited chatter of the two coming to my aid, I sprang up the last flight of stairs. Corsivis had been moved from where he’d been twitching earlier, and for a moment, I dared to hope that he’d already recovered.
Maybe Galen had helped him to a bed downstairs. That would certainly annoy the men on my heels, but so long as my loved ones were safe, I couldn’t bring myself to care about that.
“Mama! You’re not supposed to be here yet!”
Gaelen was slumped against a nearby walls, tensing when I faced him. He was holding a delicate hand in his lap, a hand attached to a body. Sarai, judging from the dress. Something was… wrong with the girl.
I took a step forward with questions on my lips, but when I moved toward Gaelen, he let go of Sarai’s hand, lifting his toward me in warning. Now released, the girl fell onto her back, and with the rise of her shoulders dropped to the ground, the absence of a face above her neck was revealed.
Screaming, I stumbled away from the sight, smacking a hand to my mouth.
“What happened?” I gasped.
How did things go so wrong in the short time I was away?
With his lips twitching, Gaelen refused to look at me.
“I did,” he said.
What was that supposed to mean? And where…?
Frantically, I scanned the rooftop garden. There was my son. And the horrifying corpse. But no one else was here.
Storming forward, I flung myself to the ground, grabbing Gaelen’s shoulders.
“Gael! Where’s Cor?” I shouted.
I tracked my son’s unfocused eyes as he traced them over a nearby wall.
“On the street. Surrounded by a crowd of curious humans by now, I’d imagine,” he huffed. “Gods, what’s taking so long this time?”
Brushing my hands off of him, Gaelen swiped at the film of sweat coating his face. Panting, he was flushed a bright red, and his face was pinched, as if he was holding something back.
What was wrong with him? I’d left his side to get help for one son—a boy whose fate still worried at my nerves like a cat with a ball of string—but did my other child need help as well?
I took his face in my hands, making him look at me so I could examine his eyes. They’d glazed over, and despite my attempts to hold them with my gaze, they refused to focus on me or anything else, lazily drifting instead.
Behind me, a shout rang out, followed by the sound of someone vomiting. Finally. My volunteers had caught up.
One of them shoved me to the side, grabbing Gaelen’s tunic so they could haul him to his feet.
“What happened here?” he demanded. “Where’s the master of this house?”
I leapt to my feet so I could free my obviously unwell son, but the other man caught hold of my elbows before I could throw myself at his companion’s back.
“Answer me!” that man snapped.
Hauling back, he slapped my son, but at the impact, Gaelen gave no reaction. He didn’t even move his head back to center.
The human, on the other hand, released him, clutching at his offended hand with a hiss.
“He’s burning up!” he hissed.
Breaking free of the other human, I sprinted to my son, gathering him in my arms. What were they talking about? Gaelen was fine. Everything was fine, and if it wasn’t, I’d make it so, damnit!
“Sorry you had to see this, mama.”
With those soft words, Gaelen pushed against me with just enough force to stop me from clinging, and seeing him, I winced.
The human had said he was burning up, and as the man had claimed, I could see fire dancing under my son’s skin, a play of orange and yellow that had turned his skin translucent. He’d bitten his lip hard enough to draw blood, but what he’d been trying so hard to restrain was too strong. With his mouth springing open, a shriek of terrifying agony emerged, a sound that tore at my soul in a way that nothing ever had and I knew, I knew¸ nothing ever would again.
And then, his body dissolved into ash, white specks that daintily floated in the breeze. They landed on my clothes and hair and skin. Falling to my knees with a subdued crack, I reached for that pile of powder, shakily trailing my fingers through it.
What-? How-?
I turned my hands palm-up to inspect the remains of my son. The image took center stage in my mind, fixed in place even with the subsequent shifts in my location. Other people tried to lower my hands to my side, but they couldn’t understand. The grit on those hands was my world. I wouldn’t let it out of my sight.
Someone sat me down, cupping one of my hands in a larger copy, and its twin brusquely wiped a rag across my palm, leaving only flesh behind. Recoiling, I drew my other, ash-caked fist to my chest with a gasp.
“Don’t!”
Rapidly blinking, I took a moment to process where I was. A sparse room with a mat in the corner and two doors leading from it. This was home.
How long had I been a husk of myself? I recalled the march from one master’s home to another through a fog. Details had been blocked out by my intense focus on-
My mind lurched away from that thought.
Someone had come to retrieve me, I thought, and there’d been an argument with the masters keeping me. A gentle hand on my back had guided me along while the stars above the tree line had shone down on us. Who would have helped me like that?
What a silly question. I already knew the answer.
“Quincy,” I croaked.
My husband was crouched in front of me, gripping the hand he’d cleaned. He had his head bowed, probably trying to hide his pain from me, but from what little I could see of his face, I knew it was drawn with grief.
“Give me your other hand, Mycella,” he said.
Flinching, I said, “I can’t! Gaelen-”
His hold on my hand tightened.
“I know,” Quincy growled. “Hand, Mycella.”
Dragging my fist away from my chest was the hardest thing I’d ever done. As he brushed ash off of it, I bit back a sob.
“It’s not him,” Quincy said.
Gathering both of my cleaned hands in his, he finally met my eyes.
“We were lucky,” he said.
With my jaw going tight, I tensed.
“What are you talking about?” I said through trembling lips. “Our son is dead. How is that lucky?”
Shaking his head, Quincy said, “Mycella, Gaelen was Eriadren, the miraculous man of legend. For years, you and I have suspected this was so. We just decided not to talk about it.”
He was right. I knew that.
“Given that and our son’s character,” Quincy continued before pausing to collect himself. “Given Gaelen’s quick wit and compassion, how lucky were we to name him ours, if only for a short time?”
My body was shaking from the effort of restraining the wild weeping that my brain, body, and heart insisted I must unleash, and when Quincy again tightened his grip on me, I saw the same losing struggle in his eyes.
Biting back a crazed laugh, I whispered, “Alouin, we were the luckiest parents of this era.”
Quincy joined me in my pained laughter: our flimsy defense against the roaring monster of grief. Soon enough, we fell silent, but before either of us could lose our battle, Quincy lifted a hand to rest it on the weapon beside us.
“Shadowsteal!” I breathed. “They let you keep it?”
“Well, their choices were to give it to me or explain why a human killer was carrying a sword of legend,” Quincy tightly said.
Drawing back, I snapped, “Gaelen killed no one! How could they-?”
Quincy lifted a hand to stop me.
“I know, but they are our masters,” he said. “They can say whatever they want, spinning the story however they desire.”
The flare of my indignation was quickly drowned beneath aching despair.
“What will we do with it?” I quietly asked. “If it stays here, the masters will eventually take it from us, and I can’t- I won’t-”
“We will take it far from this place,” Quincy said. “We will find a suitable hiding spot, and we will scatter clues about its location across the land, clues that Gaelen can follow when he eventually returns to this world.”
The room went quiet as I reached a pivotal understanding. If the legendary Eriadren had been Gaelen, my son, this meant that years from now, my Gaelen would be born once more. It meant that my son wasn’t dead, merely… gone for a time.
The tsunami of grief threatening to obliterate me diminished, becoming a simple, staggering crest instead.
“Where will we take it?” I asked.
A final message for my son. An act of love and care that would take a lifetime to complete.
At this idea, my future considerably brightened.
“Noblinson has people he can put us in touch with, Esela who live out from under humanity’s control, but we’ll need to leave tonight,” Quincy said. “The humans won’t leave the parents of a supposed child killer in peace.”
I ran my eyes over my home. Leave this place? I couldn’t wait! But first…
“Before we leave, will you hold me for a moment?” I asked.
Over the course of our conversation, the crater in my heart might have partially filled, but an empty, aching hole continued to throb in my chest. After the day’s events—losing not only Gaelen but Corsivis as well—I needed someone, anyone, to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything would be alright. A shaking sob burst from me, and the panicked urgency in the set of my husband’s shoulders relaxed.
“Of course, my love,” he said.
I clambered into the dirt, and the two of us might desperately cling to one another for hours, but when the morning summons came the next day, our hovel would be empty.
7
Eriadren
With my legs crossed, I sat as close to a thin strip of gray as I dared. Across from me, Arivor copied my pose, eagerly leaning forward as I told my tale, albeit with one significant omission.
As if picking up on what I'd left out, Arivor asked, “What happened to Sarai? Didn’t she stay on the roof with you when- when-?”
When Daevetch forced your domination of my friend’s mind?
“I don’t know,” I lied. “I was a little focused on Corsivis. Maybe she joined my mother in her quest to find help.”
“In the end, that’s probably for the best,” Arivor mused. “Who knows what I might have done to her if she’d been there when I woke up?”
Gods, the pain of that… I couldn’t look at my friend, keeping my eyes pinned on my hands, folded in my lap, instead.
When Arivor cleared his throat, it drew my gaze back up.
“Just so you know, I- I felt Corsivis die, Eri. When Daevetch forced me into his body, I could feel him being torn apart, and fragments of him vanished with every moment that my mind lived alongside his,” he said. “I saw his life. I know what he was. My great-great grandson. How could Daevetch-?”
For a moment, he was silent, strangled by what the primal force had done to him.
“You know, he felt a strange attraction to you,” he eventually continued. “I suppose that he knew, deep down, what you were and what he was destined for, and yet, he still befriended you. You draw people to you like a morsel would to a starving man.”
I smiled, hoping it didn’t look as brittle as it felt.
“I’m sorry about killing you the way I did,” I said. “I meant what I said about delaying your death for a time but-”
“Your splinter forced your hand, I know,” Arivor said. “Don’t apologize for something you had no control over.”
And I bowed my head, unable to meet his eyes.
White had slipped halfway up my chest, which meant time was running out. We needed to hurry.
“We were lucky this time,” I said. “Daevetch chose a poor host for you. If it had been anyone but Corsivis, I wouldn’t have heard of your return for weeks. Given that, we should come up a better way for me to find you than blindly hoping I catch rumors of your return. Could we set up a rendezvous point?”
With a wry grin, Arivor said, “Eri, your splinter made you kill me, despite your wishes otherwise. What makes you think that mine would let me willingly travel to my death?”
That only made me groan.
“What are we going to do, Arivor?” I said. “We’ve only been at this two times, and already, my hope’s dying.”
“Don’t say that,” Arivor snapped. “You’re the cleverest man I know, Eriadren. If anyone can outmaneuver Ele and Daevetch, it’s you. I have faith in you.”
Gods, why…?
But I couldn’t indulge in that, not when a black sheet had slid over Arivor’s chin, and I knew mine was on a similar track. We had seconds.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Smiling, Arivor winked.
“Be seeing you,” he said.
And as white closed over my head, I said, “Here we go again.”
A King's Caution Part One
Book Two of Three
Chapter 1: Keeping Watch
Middle
In the two months since the battle against Teron’s forces on a nearby beach, protecting Raimie had gotten much more difficult. Fortunately, that difficulty hadn’t lain with the man himself this time, although he was prone to making fantastically reckless choices. No, for once, the steadily rising danger to Raimie was coming from a known, tangible source. Unfortunately, said source of danger was also incredibly varied and numerous.
As I trailed behind the pair of men I’d been following for the last quarter mark, I kept my hands in my pockets with a quiet whistle on my lips. People always assumed that if you meant to track someone, you had to ‘stick to the shadows’ and ‘stay silent’. I’d always found those methods made you look suspicious much more quickly than a normal, friendly demeanor might.
These two targets had been planning something sinister for a while now, but I had yet to take care of them, hoping they’d lead me to other, like-minded people before I had to make a move. While their obvious hostility was concerning, they hadn’t made any definite plans yet, merely shaky fantasies of kicking the crap out of the ‘disgusting primeancer king’ in their midst.
Alouin, if I didn’t hate them for even thinking about laying a finger on Raimie’s head, but currently, we were in hostile territory. Sure, the leader of this town, Tanwadur, might have reluctantly welcomed Raimie and his army into Tiro—
And hell if I knew how that had happened. My people certainly hadn’t been involved with it.
—but everyone knew how much both Tanwadur and Tiro’s citizens resented the presence of foreigners in their midst. Raimie had been helping with that by staying open and friendly with anyone who approached him. Perhaps he even thought his efforts were working, but I couldn’t afford to be as optimistic, not when I was the one standing between him and a blade in his chest.
The men I was following made a sudden turn into Tiro’s city square, hustling across it toward Tanwadur's home, but they didn’t approach its door, which surprised me. I’d thought for sure that that man would have been involved in this plot, and after walking for a bit more, the two men proved me right. They scuttled to one of the home’s windows, huddling against it after one had tapped on its surface, and ambling past them on the far side of the street, I turned around the next corner, still whistling. Still with my hands in my pockets.
Once I was out of view, though, I switched to a quiet hum, leaning against a wall with my arms and ankles crossed. There, I waited until I heard people moving in the street beside me, and as that sound drew closer, I fell silent, drawing as close to the wall as I could get.
The two men soon came into view, fervently whispering to one another. They were so intent on this that they didn’t notice me sliding into the street after them, but… that was to be expected. These two weren’t members of a rival kingdom’s Hand or one of the cloth-wrapped spies that Tiro claimed as its own. They were simply prejudiced men, ready to indulge in their ridiculous hatred instead of giving the person they despised the benefit of the doubt.
Soon enough, the two split up, but not before I spotted one of them handing off something extremely disconcerting to the other. When had Tanwadur—who this item had surely come from—gotten his hands on a pistol? From what I’d learned, the Audish people didn’t have that piece of technology at their disposal. So, did that mean one of Raimie’s soldiers had lost theirs? Or could they have willingly surrendered their sidearm, on the promise that it would be used to kill the reviled primeancer in their midst?
If that last supposition was true, the target of said soldier’s malice would most definitely not have been Raimie. To my great relief, the kid had worked his typical magic on the people who called him king. He held their loyalty in a near-iron grip.
No, said soldier had probably thought his weapon would be used against Rhylix, Raimie’s friend. Also, the other primeancer in our midst.
Not that any of that mattered. The proposed scenario was simply that. A hypothesis that I hadn’t tested or proven. Either my associates or I would find out the truth within the next few days.
In the meantime, I continued strolling after the man who had the pistol, subtly signaling to my backup on a nearby roof. He’d been following me the whole time, in case this exact situation happened, and for once, I was grateful for his insistence on redundancy. He could take care of the other man while I continued following the main threat.
Eventually, my target reached his home, and I settled in to wait, crouched in an out-of-the-way corner. Still merrily humming, I retrieved a flask from a pocket. It was full of water, but to anyone who spotted me, I’d look like someone who’d finished my work for the day, enjoying a drunken state as a result.
Once night came calling, I stored my flask again, glancing down the street before crossing to my target’s front door. I slipped inside, scanning its shadowed confines, before moving toward the distinctive lump of a man on a bed in the corner. Once there, I plucked the pistol out of his loose grip—gah, why would he leave it out in the open like that?—before sliding his pillow out from under his head. Tucking the weapon into my belt, I got onto my knees at the head of the bed before firmly pressing the pillow over this man’s face.
After a moment, he woke up, soon thrashing to get himself free. I didn’t move, watching him struggle with a dim sense of satisfaction.
No one threatened my Raimie, my king, my friend unless they wanted to end up like this: fighting to breathe while in my arms.
When the man’s efforts went from sluggish to nearly non-existent, I released pressure from the pillow’s edges, watching his chest until it fell into a slow rhythm, but then, I tossed the pillow away. He wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.
After lighting a lantern, I searched both the man and his home for any ammunition or gunpowder that Tanwadur might have given him, and once my sweep was complete, I left a single round on the table with a message, carved into wood, beneath it.
Try this again, and I’ll finish the job.
This and the sudden death of the man’s companion should be enough to keep him in line. My associate favored using poison on unsuspecting targets, which usually ended with them as a cold corpse on the floor.
With this chore done, I could get back to what had become both my most and least favorite part of the job: keeping an eye on Raimie. As I started looking for the kid in his favorite bolt holes, I considered what to do about Tanwadur. As the leader of our current refuge, I couldn’t make any moves against him, not until Raimie had secured another base of operations, and this annoyed me.
I knew that Raimie would almost always be under threat, whether he succeeded with freeing Auden or not, but for now, that threat level was low, and I’d much prefer to keep it that way for as long as possible. Currently, Doldimar and his minions had no idea where he was—we hoped, at least—and an unusually fierce winter was keeping us inside Tiro. This was the safest Raimie would be for the next few years, and Tanwadur was not helping with that. I wished I could just fix this problem, in whatever way I must, but… I couldn’t. For many reasons.
Tonight, Raimie was at one of Tiro’s many taverns, a place owned by a man from the northern Matvai clans. Finding out about that faction had seemed like such good news, up until we’d also learned how isolationist and violent they were, much like Ratchav in the east.
Over the last two months, Raimie had been favoring this place, so I wasn’t surprised to see him lounging here, in a booth along the far wall. What did surprise me was Rhylix’s absence from his side. I was happy about that, of course, if only for my own admittedly petty reasons, but still, it was surprising and in small part, worrying. Much as I might dislike him, I was happy to admit that Raimie’s friend was excellent in a fight. I’d always liked having him as another layer of security around my charge.
When I briefly scanned the tavern, my eyes quickly landed on the woman near Raimie’s table, laughing with the group of men around her. Even though I’d asked her to watch Raimie’s back while I’d taken care of the threat, my heart still skipped a beat at the sight of her, and I had to concentrate on keeping my face in a congenial smile. Would heat always fill my chest whenever she was nearby?
Thankfully for my focus, another woman’s laughter quickly brought my attention back to my charge.
And the girl sitting on the bench beside him. After sliding a mug his way, she leaned into his side while he flushed, and I took a moment to pinch the bridge of my nose.
He was with her? Again?
From the moment I’d seen Raimie with her, I’d known Ren would be a problem, if not in the way that she’d become. As Tanwadur’s adopted daughter and Rhylix’s sister, she’d presented a complicated relationship that my socially awkward charge would have to deal with, and of course, he’d ended up doing that in the worst way possible, the one I never—not in a million years—would have expected from him.
Didn’t Raimie understand what his courtship of her could cause? She was half-Eselan, and much as I might not care about her heritage, the people of Auden most certainly did. They would not support a king who was involved with an Eselan, but it seemed Raimie hadn’t thought about that, and I… I didn’t know what to do about it.
Sometimes, I wasn’t sure if even he knew what he was doing. Over the time I’d known him, Raimie had never seemed romantically interested in anyone, and the fact that this had happened now didn’t match anything I’d once known about him. He’d always seemed… almost oblivious when it came to things of that nature. Sometimes, it felt like no one had explained the idea of romance and attraction to him.
I was happy for him. Truly. Everyone deserved to experience first love at some point in their life. But I also knew that this relationship would end in heartbreak for my charge, and I wasn’t sure how—or if—I could share this with him.
“Oswin!”
With a gasp, I realized I’d been idly standing in place, still pinching my nose, for who knew how long, and dropping my hand, I rushed to fix a smile in place. At his booth, Raimie had raised a hand overhead, which let me amble to him.
“You have perfect timing!” he said as I approached. “One of Ren's spooky friends just summoned her. Gods, will they ever let us have an evening together without interrupting it?”
With a huff, he rolled his eyes, although that quickly turned to a grin when Ren glared at him.
All the while, I watched, wondering if Raimie knew that Ren’s ‘friends’ were actually part of Tiro’s defense: cloth-swaddled warriors who ventured into Cerrin Forest to wipe out the Kiraak and Doldimar’s scouts. I wondered if he knew that the woman at his side oversaw that group.
“Anyway, she has to leave now, so I thought I’d head for bed,” Raimie soon continued. “Care to join me?”
Care to join him. As if that hadn’t been a foregone conclusion.
Folding my arms behind my back, I simply smiled at my friend.
“Lead the way, sir.”
Once we were on the street, I paid Raimie perhaps a quarter of my attention, lending the rest to a constant scan of our surroundings. Raimie didn’t seem to notice—he never did, thankfully—and I refused to think about how different this was when compared to the past.
Yawning, Raimie stretched his arms overhead.
“I can’t wait for spring to come,” he said. “Much as I’ve enjoyed the break from… well… everything, I’m ready to get this show on the road again.”
With a soft laugh, I said, “I’ve been looking forward to that too.”
If only because it would keep my charge occupied with something other than Ren or the other, frankly, concerning habits he'd taken up recently. Just the other day, I’d stumbled across a book on lockpicking that he’d left open on his bedroll. I’d love it if my friend picked that skill up again, but it had also been rather annoying that he hadn’t asked me for help with it. Of course, he had no way of knowing how much I’d have enjoyed teaching him the skill, considering how snarky the kid had always been about learning thing so much more quickly than-
No. I couldn’t think about the past right now.
“We’ll be moving on Da’kul as soon as the roads are clear, yes?” I said.
Most of the time, I wouldn’t bother with asking that question of a charge, but this particular one loved to change the script on me at the last minute. I did my best to stay on top of his erratic behavior, or I did so as much as I could, at least.
“Yeah, that’s the plan,” Raimie said. “Eledis, Marcuset, and I have discussed it into the ground already, and we still have at least a week before the winter’s snow begins to melt. Who knows how many times they’ll want to go over it again before then?”
“You know… you could always ignore them when they ask to do that,” I said, already smiling at what I knew his reply would be.
As expected, Raimie wrinkled his nose as he said.
“Maybe… but I don’t want to think about how Eledis would react to that.”
He shuddered, and I suppressed both a need to laugh and a vicious desire to maul that old man’s face off. He didn’t deserve to go anywhere near my friend…
Hell, tonight was shaping up to be a difficult one, at least mentally.
After several minutes of silence had passed, I noticed that Raimie was roughly rubbing his arms, and sighing, I shrugged out of my coat. It wasn’t like I needed it right now. We were getting close to where the soldiers—and Raimie—had been bedding down, and once we’d reached that place, I’d need to change into my uniform, ever to present as the silent and shining bodyguard of Auden’s soon-to-be king.
Silently, I offered the coat to my friend, and after glancing askance at me—which of course made me roll my eyes and shake the coat at him—he took the damn thing, letting out a relieved sigh.
“Thanks,” he mumbled under his breath.
I just shrugged, shoving my hands in my pockets with a hum on my lips again, until we reached our destination and Raimie disappeared behind a tent flap.
It was all part of the job, as I kept having to remind myself. Here, I wasn’t a friend, no matter what Raimie might have recently claimed. While in this hostile land, I was the bodyguard and spy of a primeancer king—stuck in enemy territory—doing everything I must to keep him alive.
Chapter 2: Taking a Fortress
Raimie
The winter months were over, and I was glad for it, even with how much we'd needed the break. We’d needed the time to recover from a devastating battle, time to get established, time to make plans. I’d needed the time to rest and learn, and if I’d also used it for other pursuits, no one had commented on it, not to my face at least.
For the first time in sixteen months, I felt somewhat settled. Grounded. Maybe even confident, for once.
Now, it was time to test everything we’d gained.
“Are you ready?” I whispered.
Beside me, Rhylix softly said, “Always.”
Time to move.
Hah! Why did so much of life come back to that one, precious commodity?
Shaking my head, I darted out from beneath the cover of the trees, keeping low to the ground. Ahead, the imposing tower of Da’kul loomed, and I might have found the sight more intimidating if Rhylix and I hadn’t already identified a weakness in its defenses.
Even still, I glanced toward a spot further along the tree line, checking for signs of the soldiers waiting there. I wasn’t sure why I was doing this. If I’d actually seen something, it would mean trouble, a surprise attack ruined.
They are a source of comfort. Family, came a thought from deep inside. Perhaps you need that reassurance.
Wincing, I said, Maybe. Considering I have you, though, I don’t know why that is.
Nylion didn’t get a chance to respond as I reached the wall at that moment. Never checking for Bright’s presence, I reached through them for Ele, even as I touched the mass of thick vines crawling up the wall in front of me.
This was Da’kul’s weakness, small as it was. In typical circumstances, an average person’s body weight would tear this plant off of the stone that it clung to.
Which was why I fed it a faint stream of Ele before mounting it. With that extra bit of strengthening, it held firm as I scrambled up it, though that proved difficult. The vines were thick, but I still had problems with finding handholds in them. They were closely plastered to the wall, and soon enough, their abundance died off until only weak strands remained, leaving a person’s height of wall above me .
I waited here for Rhylix to catch up, but when he did, he didn’t plunge forward like we’d planned.
Hesitating, he said, “Are you sure about this? If we take Da’kul, the peace from the last few months will be well and truly over.”
“It would have been over soon anyway,” I whispered. “So, can we please get this over with? If we survive tonight, I’d like to get home soon.”
Smirking, Rhylix said, “I bet you would. Someone waiting for you there?”
Gods, he’d never let me hear the end of that, would he?
Before I could make a comeback, Rhylix vanished, but from the distortion in reality that had taken his place, I knew he’d pulled an Ele bubble around himself. Sighing, I did the same, and together, he and I used our primeancy to make an impossible leap, easily clearing the remaining distance to the top of the wall.
Landing in a crouch, I hastily scanned my surroundings but found no enemies nearby, which wasn’t surprising.
This winter had been a bad one. Resupplying Da’kul with troops would have been near impossible, snowed-in as everyone on this side of Auden had been.
So, the fort was still manned with only the skeleton force that Teron had left here before the battle, months ago. Or that was what Oswin had told me, and I knew better than to doubt him. In the time I’d known that spy, he’d already proven himself ten-times over.
That made me no less cautious as I descended Da’kul’s wall from the inside, but as expected, Rhylix and I had encountered no one once we’d reached the bailey at its base.
Why was the fort’s abandoned state making my skin crawl? It was what we’d wanted, right?
Even still, it is rather creepy, Nylion said.
And I choked while containing a laugh. Gods, one of these days, his unexpected commentary would get us killed, provided I didn’t learn to control myself first.
As if aware of my unease, Bright and Dim, hovering in my peripheral vision until now, stopped short with their bodies going stiff, and I automatically ducked into cover, frowning at them.
Hello…? I said. Are you two all right?
They never moved, and within a breath, a nearby distortion in reality softly popped, revealing Rhylix.
“Something wrong?” he whispered.
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head.
Why had my splinters turned into statues, and… why did Rhylix look almost as distracted as them? What was I missing?
Hesitantly, I said, Bright? Dim?
While the Ele splinter remained unmoving, their counterpart spun on me with feral eyes and bared teeth.
“What?” they growled.
…Why did this feel familiar? Also, why was it happening now, when timing and a lack of distractions were paramount?
“Gods, how did I miss it last time?”
The tone of Rhylix’s voice had me turning to him with a raised eyebrow, only to have my stomach bottom out at the look on his face.
Meeting my eyes, he shakily said, “There’s a tear here.”
Oh… that made so much sense. It explained my unease and how my splinters were acting and-
Waitamoment.
“Godsdamnit,” I hissed.
As I continued with my quiet cursing, Rhylix just watched me, which only made things worse. I knew what he was thinking.
“I can’t, Rhy,” I said. “You don’t understand. The last time I did it-”
“Do we have another choice?” Rhylix interrupted.
Not really. A tear’s naturally imparted panic would wreak havoc among the troops, something wholly not good when completing an assault. If we wanted to capture Da’kul, I’d have to close this break in reality, and with how much time and effort I’d put into planning this assault, I couldn’t abandon it.
No matter how much fear Nylion was spewing at me.
He was trying to contain it. I could tell, but with communication fully opened between us, he couldn’t do that in full. Our bond, so long severed, no longer had barriers in place to block our emotions, and the water in its stream bed had become a steady flow rather than the trickle of the past.
I wasn’t sure why he was afraid of closing the tear, but no matter how much I wanted to ask him about it, I knew he wouldn’t answer me. In some ways, he was like Rhylix: keeping things from me and going stone cold if I approached those topics.
Unlike with my friend, however, I somehow knew that Nylion was doing this for my own good, so I’d never pressed him about it. Because he refused to share these things sometimes, though, I’d been learning to do things regardless of how he felt, although this only applied in the direst of situations. The rest of the time, I went out of my way to respect his feelings, using them as a warning system for danger.
But Rhylix was still staring at me.
“Gods fucking damnit,” I repeated before blowing out a breath. “Ok. I guess we’re making a detour before opening the gate.”
Wincing, Rhylix nodded.
“I’m sorry, Raimie,” he said.
“Not your fault.”
Turning toward the bailey, I narrowed my eyes at the buildings on its other side.
“Any idea where it is, besides hidden?” I asked.
“No clue.”
Helpful. Still, I couldn’t expect my friend to know everything.
“But we could follow the tear’s aura of panic to its source,” Rhylix continued.
Or he could simply need a moment to conjure the problem’s solution from thin air.
“Sounds simple enough,” I said. “Shall we get started?’
As we raced across the fort’s bailey to its buildings, Rhylix and I kept our Ele bubbles wrapped around our bodies, but when we were beneath the roofs’ eaves, we released them. Feeling panic was relatively difficult when a source of peace was all around you.
We wandered between the buildings until panic started receding rather than growing, but then, we had to choose between the structures on either side of us. Approaching the first, I clicked my tongue.
“Of course it’s locked,” I said before glancing at Rhylix. “I could use Daevetch to break the door down…”
On seeing my friend rummaging through his pockets, I trailed off.
“Why make the noise?” he whispered.
With a flourish, he held a lock pick and wrench aloft, and I sighed.
“You know how to pick locks,” I said. “Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Live a few hundred years, and you pick up some tricks,” Rhylix said.
While he crouched in front of the door, I worked on suppressing my irritation.
Not at Rhylix. He’d done nothing wrong. It was just that for months, I’d been looking for someone to teach me this skill. Nylion and I needed it to open a certain locked chest in our mind, but to date, I’d been unsuccessful in the search.
Perhaps I could have asked Oswin to teach me. I was sure he knew how to pick a lock, but every time I’d considered posing the question to him, I’d shied away from doing it. Contradictory as it might seem, I hadn’t wanted to ask him about something so sordid, even knowing the skill was in his repertoire.
Or maybe I’d been delaying with this task for other reasons. I didn’t know what the problem was, and when I tried to solve the conundrum, my thoughts always ended up wandering.
Now, however, I had no further excuses. As I watched Rhylix pick this lock, I compared his presented example against everything I’d learned in books, and with it, I had a good idea of how the process worked. After a little practical application, this skill would be mine.
About time, Nylion said.
Wincing, I said, I’m sorry. I’ve been distracted lately.
Maybe Nylion grumbled something back at me. If he did, I didn’t catch it, too preoccupied by Rhylix swinging the door open.
Inside, we found stored weapons and armor, which was only mildly disappointing. We might not have found the tear here, but if we managed to seize this fort, these supplies would be ours.
So, we darted across the gap to the other building. To my surprise, this one was unlocked. Why would anyone leave a tear unguarded, given how much the items from one could fuel an economy?
Cut off as Auden has been, that may not have been the case here, Nylion said. Besides, remember how bloodthirsty the Kiraak are. It is no wonder their superiors would secure those weapons.
True… I said.
Why, though, would Nylion be thinking about things like that?
Shaking myself, I followed Rhylix through the door, and on the other side, we found our goal.
As always, the black and white ovoid of the tear mesmerized me. The light undulating around its shadowy interior pulled at me, distracting me almost as much as the tangible fear in the air, but I tore my gaze off of it, helped in part by running into Rhylix.
He’d stopped short, staring at the tear with glazed eyes, and nearby, our three splinters, entirely visible here, looked much the same. They swayed toward and away from the anomaly, continually wincing.
The look on their faces distinctly reminded me of how Bright had appeared in the moment before their destruction, months ago, and seeing this, I once more grappled with the impossibility of their continued existence. Over the winter, Rhylix had shared with me exactly how strange it was that I’d been able to reconstruct my Ele splinter, another drop of the impossible added to so many other mysteries circling me, and for a moment, I again faced the confusion and utter discrepancy that surrounded my own life. Why couldn’t I answer some of the most basic questions about how and why I could do what I’d done?
But then, I shoved it below the surface again, focusing on my companions.
“Everything ok?” I said.
Grimacing, Rhylix said, “Not really. That thing serves as direct access to Ele and Daevetch. Given everything I’ve shared, I’ll let you speculate on how it's affecting me.”
Yeah… probably not in a good way.
“I’d better get started, then, huh?” I said.
But gods, if I didn’t want to. I could recall in vivid detail the last time I’d closed a tear, and that absolute wrench through the core of my being…
It hadn’t been fun.
At least this time, I might not have to touch the damn thing. I already knew how to accomplish my goal, having no need to consult with anything beyond that break in reality.
Hesitantly, I teased at the power behind my splinters, and like before, Ele and Daevetch flowed from not only them but also the tear. Thank the gods for caution.
As always when holding onto both of the primal energies, a war sparked inside of me, trying to rip me apart, and I acted as a negotiator between them. Ele and Daevetch, however, refused to cooperate this time. Any time I brought them close to one another, they shot apart like black and white bullets, and after struggling with this for far too long, I almost, almost gave up.
Before I could release my hold on the energies, though, they surrendered to my will, melding into something I found utterly foreign.
I only gave myself a moment to enjoy it this time. I knew what came next in this process.
So, I turned this mix of peace and harmony… Balance on the tear, plastering it over that wound in the world like a bandage, and as the last drop was wrung from me, something deep inside wrenched. As this sensation rippled to the surface, I lost control of my legs, fully prepared to accept another host of bumps and bruises, but before I could receive this gift, someone took my elbow, steadying me.
I hardly noticed. The temptation to curl around my wound, licking at it, was as strong as I remembered, and all of my focus went to resisting it. Sleep, just out of view, laughed at my attempts, lapping at my mind.
And behind it all, Nylion screamed.
This should concern me… right? Why had I…. hurt myself like this?
As suddenly as it had swept over me, all that was wrong with me got stripped away, leaving me addled. What had happened? Why-?
Beside me, Rhylix grunted, and I realized that he was the one who’d taken my weight. Before shame for that could take more than a toehold, though, I had to return the favor. He released a strangled yell, and I knew what had happened.
“Oh, gods,” I whispered. “Rhy, what did you do?”
With his eyes unfocused, Rhylix didn’t seem to have heard me.
“Is this… what happens when you…?” he gasped.
He couldn’t finish the thought, but fortunately, white light washed over him at that moment. Clearing his throat, he shakily pushed me away, able to support himself.
“Raimie,” he said. “I-I’m so sorry.”
That was a confusing reaction. Yes, the result of a tear’s closure might not be pleasant, but it was manageable. It was like a papercut on my essence, although…
Nylion had barely had time to stop screaming in our head, reducing that noise to mere whimpers. What could have happened to him?
“Don’t worry about it,” I distractedly said. “Tear’s closed.”
I threw a hand toward where it had been hanging not long ago, noting my splinters’ absence with surprise. Where had they gone?
“We should get going. Open the gate for the others.”
Spinning for the door, I didn’t give Rhylix a chance to respond. He probably had questions. Who wouldn’t after assuming such a strange wound from a patient? This, however, wasn’t something I was willing to discuss. Given how often we’d talked about boundaries when it came to our respective privacy, Rhylix should respect that.
So, I drew an Ele bubble around myself and hurried across the bailey.
Chapter 3: Trapped
Raimie
As I approached the gate, I once more took note of how empty this fort had been. Even when exploring between its buildings, Rhylix and I had encountered not a soul. Sure, the battle had depleted this place’s ranks, but that seemed unusual.
But then, the gate came into view, and I started quietly cursing. Chains, secured by a padlock, were helping to keep the gate closed.
This, by itself, wasn’t unusual. With few available troops, a smart commander wouldn’t post sentries here when a lock would do just as well.
The problem here was that the padlock wasn’t facing the fort’s interior. It was on the outside of the gate, ready for any enemy to break or pick it.
As he caught up with me, Rhylix said, “So, you see it too. This was a trap.”
“How did they know we were coming?” I hissed.
“No clue,” Rhylix said.
And inside, Nylion’s whimpering went quiet.
Does it matter? he snarled. Focus on keeping us safe, you-
Cutting off, he wordlessly shrieked.
Do your job, heart of my heart.
Well, then. Someone was angry.
He was right, though. How could I get that gate open without springing the trap?
When we reached the wall’s shadows, Rhylix dropped his Ele bubble, examining the gate and its chain with a frown.
Glancing back at me, he whispered, “Break it down with Daevetch?”
“Aren’t you the one who’s always cautioning me against using that?” I shot back. “Besides, I’d rather take Da’kul intact, if possible.”
And I might have an idea for how to do that. Pressing up against the gate, I reached through its bars and…
Yes! I could reach the padlock, which meant Rhylix should be able to-
“Well, hello there.”
Those three words, spoken in a silkily seductive voice, froze me solid for a split second. Twirling in place, I identified the speaker: a woman with faded lines of Corruption running rampant under her skin. With gleaming eyes, she’d directed a predatory smile at Rhylix, and at the sight of it, I…
Do NOT detach right now, Nylion growled. For the moment, you must hold it together.
His voice snapped me back from a drift into the clouds, and rapidly blinking, I shook my head, trying to shrug off the fog that had enveloped me as well. What had that been?
Later, Raimie, Nylion said. That woman looks ready to kill your friend.
Right. Present circumstances. I should focus on those.
Running her eyes over Rhylix, the woman said, “How did someone as lovely as you sneak into my fortress?”
So… she was the enemy commander.
“Hello, Nessaira,” Rhylix said. “I’d hoped to avoid meeting you again, but since that’s not to be… how can I help you on this fine evening?”
Was- Was he trying to distract her?
What other play could he be making, though? If he was distracting her, was I supposed to be doing something, and if so, what was it supposed to be?
Sighing, Nessaira crossed her arms.
“Since you got into this place undetected, I’m guessing you’re the Ele primeancer who’s been giving my people such trouble,” she said. “Given that, all I want is for you to die.”
…That sounded about right.
Wincing, Rhylix said, “Harsh. In that case, shouldn’t you get to killing me? Or trying to, at least.”
“Oh, I will.”
Smiling, Nessaira lifted her hand to crook two fingers, and with the sound of stomping feet, the ramparts above us filled with Kiraak.
That wasn’t good. Time to execute the plan?
Yeah. I should probably do that.
“Rhy, lock pick set here, please,” I said.
Thank the gods, my friend didn’t question what I was doing. As he stuck a hand into a pocket, Nessaira leapt away from us, unslinging the tiny crossbow on her back.
“Who else is there?’ she said.
“Oh, that’s just Raimie. Don’t worry about him.”
Without removing his eyes from Nessaira, Rhylix tossed my requested items to me.
“I can give you a sixty count,” he said.
Just a sixty count? With everything he was, I’d expected more time, although maybe I was overestimating my friend.
Still.
“That’s plenty of time,” I said.
Or at least, I hoped it would be.
Nessaira had apparently had enough.
Sneering, she snapped, “Kill this idiot.”
And I spun back to the gate. As I grabbed the padlock through its bars, I ignored the sound of clashing steel behind me, trusting Rhylix to keep me safe. At the moment, my best course of action was to focus on my task, much as my body was screaming for me to join the fight.
So, I fumbled with a pick and wrench in the lock, using my newly gained knowledge to push pins into place. It seemed to take forever, and with every breath, I expected steel to part my flesh.
Soon enough, though, the padlock thumped into the grass, and I started ripping at its attached chain.
“Let’s go, Rhy!” I shouted.
As I rushed through the new opening, he was on my heel, and together, we raced for the tree line, shooting Ele into the sky. Behind us, Nessaira shrieked, and I could hear her Kiraak struggling to get through the narrow gate, slowing down their attempt to follow us.
Good.
We were about a quarter of the way down the hill when the first soldiers responded to our signal. As they spilled out of the tree line, we slowed our pell-mell sprint, although we never stopped.
Beside me, Rhylix laughed.
“Hell, that was close,” he gasped before bumping into me. “When did you learn to pick locks?”
“About a half hour ago,” I said.
Snorting, Rhylix nearly tripped over himself, and I stuck my tongue out at him.
“I’m not as strait-laced as you might think, Rhy,” I said.
“Obviously not-”
Choking on his words, Rhylix reached for something, sticking through his neck, before tumbling to the ground, and without thought, I joined him there. Figuring out what had happened took me a moment—gods, he’d been shot!—but unlike months before, I didn’t panic at the thought.
Instead, I wriggled across the grass, digging my elbows into it, until I’d reached my friend, and braving a breath of exposure, I rolled him onto his side so I could snap the fletching off of the crossbow bolt in his neck. As I removed it, I ignored his empty eyes, focusing on what I knew.
Rhylix was Ele’s Champion. Because of this, the only person who could permanently kill him was his counterpart, Doldimar, and so, this death was only a minor hiccup in the grand scheme of things.
But as time dragged on, emphasizing each beat of my heart, doubt crawled into my mind.
Shaking my friend, I said, “Come on, Rhy. Get up. How will I explain it if you recover in front of my soldiers?”
They were quickly coming. I knew it, even if I also knew that reaching us would take a little while longer. Still, them coming across this mess could be awkward.
With a sharply drawn breath, Rhylix shot upright, clawing at his neck, before freezing.
“The bolt’s gone,” he said.
Glancing at me, he raised an eyebrow.
“You removed it?”
When I nodded, Rhylix softly chuckled.
“Thank you,” he said. “You saved me a wealth of trouble.”
What sort of trouble?
Shrugging, I said, “It wasn’t a problem. Now, we should get out of here before-”
“You’re not going anywhere.”
Rhylix and I were on our feet before Nessaira had finished speaking, but even still, we barely dodged the crossbow bolt she’d shot at us. Panting, she was leaning on her knees with her weapon pointed at us.
“How are you alive?” she snapped. “I shot you. You went down. I saw it. So, how…?”
Even reloading as she was, neither I nor Rhylix moved, only exchanging a glance. Why risk rushing an armed woman when backup was so close?
“How do you think?” Rhylix said. “From what I’ve gathered, your Dark Lord’s been rather chatty on this go ‘round. So surely, you’ve heard mention of the Ele primeancer who refuses to die?”
Hissing, Nessaira recoiled from him.
“Champion of Ele,” she said.
With a smile, Rhylix flourished a bow.
“At your service.”
For the longest moment, Nessaira turned to stone, staring at us, but then, she spun and bolted for the forest, and I clicked my tongue.
“Rhy, can you-?”
“Already on it.”
He took off in a flash of light, and I relaxed. While I was sure that Nessaira was dangerous, desperate to escape with news of what had happened here, I also knew that my friend would catch her.
So, as soldiers sprinted past me, soon to clash with the Kiraak, I joined them. It was time to finish taking this fort.
Chapter 4: An Interrogation
Rhylix
To my great surprise, Nessaira had made tracking her a challenge. Not difficult! I’d simply had to expend more effort than usual with it.
I’d lost her soon after entering the forest, and since then, she’d left few signs of her passage, only the occasional broken twig or depressed footprint in the earth. It, however, had been enough, and she must know this.
I found her in a small clearing, sparsely lit through the leaves by the moon. Out of breath, she loosed another crossbow bolt at me when I came into view, and as I swayed to avoid it, she drew her sword.
“Why dodge like that if you can’t die?” she sneered.
Shrugging, I said, “Because it would still hurt. Obviously.”
“All the more reason not to duck.”
…What?
Rolling her eyes, Nessaira lifted her sword.
“So, what now?” she asked. “I can’t outrun you. Does that mean we’ll fight? Will… will you kill me?”
I really should. All of me cried for it, rebelling at the Corruption in her. It didn’t matter how much her voice had shaken while speaking or that her arms were trembling. She was an affront to Ele, and it would not abide her continued existence.
I, however, still saw her value. She could provide Raimie with inside information on current events in Doldimar’s kingdom and besides that…
Besides that…
No matter how much the Kiraak repelled me, I’d always hated killing them. They’d had no choice in what they’d become, and because of that, one of my most secret and vain hopes had been to find a cure for their affliction.
So. Would I kill Nessaira?
“That should never have been a question,” Creation said from behind me. “End the enemy, Eriadren.”
I ignored them, examining Nessaira instead.
“Just this once, let’s try something else,” I said.
Nessaira got a breath to look surprised before I shot a thread of Ele into her eye. Once there, I bade her to sleep, and she collapsed.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Creation snapped.
I couldn’t help my smile as I crouched. Much as my babysitter had been less of a pain this cycle, I still enjoyed the times when I got to annoy them.
“Something you don’t want me to do, of course,” I said. “And don’t look at me like that. Raimie needs information, and this woman has it. That’s all there is to this.”
Making a face, I shoved my arms under Nessaira so I could sling her over my shoulders. As always in these situations, wherever I touched her and the Corruption inside her body, my skin crawled.
Getting her back to the fort would be fun.
I got about halfway to the forest’s edge before my crawling skin and the exhaustion of carrying a fully armored human being caught up with me. Dropping Nessaira, I slumped against a tree trunk, all while Creation watched me with tight lips.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “What? Something bothering you?”
They refused to say a word, and soon enough, I gave up any pretense of trying to appease them. Thunking my head against the tree’s bark, I stared through its leaves at the stars.
“What happened at the tear with Raimie…” I said. “Did you know that closing one of them hurts him so badly?”
I shuddered on recalling that awful tearing of my essence. It had been like a piece of it had gotten sucked away, and while that piece had returned to me, I couldn’t guarantee that Raimie had experienced the same. Would the gnawing ache of its absence forever haunt him?
“Raimie is an anomaly to me and my whole,” Creation said. “We’ve seen much of what he’s done before, but closing a rip in reality? No. In the distant past, one of you mortals learned how to create those, but no one has stitched one back together, not until Raimie.”
Interesting. Also concerning as hell. How was I supposed to handle something and someone that not even Ele had experience with? It was another reminder of how utterly unique my ally was this time around—his fluctuating mastery of the blade, his ability to resuscitate a splinter from destruction, the distinct oddness of people he’d never met still knowing who he was—and this both gave me hope and terrified me.
After millennia of the same grind year after year, anything different had become another chance to break the cycle of violence and death between me and Arivor. At the same time, though, having all of these anomalies circling my friend made me worry about what might happen to him. In my experience, no one as unique as Raimie could pass through life unscathed.
For now, I chose to focus on my fascination with my friend’s irregularities rather than everything else.
“Well. Thank you for sharing with me,” I said. lowering my eyes from the sky.
But Creation had disappeared.
“Of course they have,” I sighed.
They’d always been good at avoiding the truths they most wanted to keep hidden.
For a while, I didn’t move, enjoying the forest’s quiet while I rested, but once I had my strength back, I finished the journey back to Da’kul. I left Nessaira in the forest’s eaves, near where the soldiers had begun their assault. Her presence had begun to excessively tire me, and with the Ele in her, keeping her asleep, she wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.
After making sure of this, I headed to the fort, hoping to task a soldier with retrieving our new prisoner.
The assault seemed to have gone well. While bodies were scattered across the fortress’ bailey, few of them were wearing the uniform of Raimie’s soldiers under their armor.
Several of my allies were clumped around a couple of the place’s buildings. I assumed that was where I’d find the enemy’s last holdouts, but while I could certainly help with clearing those buildings, I’d rather leave it to the soldiers. Given their numbers, they could handle that issue with little danger, and I was tired after such a hectic day.
So, instead, I approached a few of the solitary soldiers who were handling clean-up. As expected, most of them went out of their way to avoid me, barely holding their contempt in check when I caught their attention, and a few outright ignored me, not that this was much of a bother.
After the battle of the beach, the secrecy of my primeancy was out, and unlike Raimie, I had little to protect me from the general populace’s hatred of my magic. To date, only my ‘heroics’ during said battle had kept me from getting killed.
When I eventually came upon someone receptive to my request, it was in the oddest of people. While his body was smaller than the average man’s with signs of puberty rampant on him, he carried himself like the wisest of adults. As I explained what I needed, he listened with the most serious expression on his surprisingly handsome face, nodding once I’d finished.
“I can retrieve the prisoner for you, no problem,” he said. “Where do you want her delivered? Probably the tower, right? That’s where ‘His Royal Majesty’ has made his base, after all.”
For a breath, I could only blink at this kid. Most of the soldiers didn’t go around teasing their chosen king, and this person in front of me was so young… What had dragged him from his home in Ada’ir, if not king and country?
With a smirk, the kid asked, “You know… if you don’t need my help, I should get back to-”
“No. Thank you,” I interjected. “And the tower will do nicely. There should be some cells in the lower levels, unless I’m greatly mistaken. Leave her in one of those.”
Going stiff, the soldier saluted me.
“Yes, sir!” he said before relaxing. “And so you know, I think your friend needs you. He looked a little worn once the battle was over.”
Oh, no…
I knew that in the past, Raimie had usually fallen into a deep depression following periods of violence, but considering how carefree he’d seemed after our last battle, I’d thought maybe he’d been learning how to handle that.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said. “Do you know where I can find him?”
Pointing, the small soldier said, “Top of the tower. At least, that’s where it looked like he was headed.”
Of course. Raimie had always loved his heights.
“Again, thank you,” I said, “and good luck with the prisoner.”
Flicking his fingers in another salute, the kid raced for the gate, and I made my way to the tower. As I climbed its stairs, I wondered what I’d find at the top. How much damage control would I need to handle?
The room at the tower’s top had, unsurprisingly, stayed much the same as the last time I’d been here. A grand desk, covered in documents, faced a wall with a window above it. Many others filled the wall’s circle, all with colored panes to filter the moonlight, and in one pseudo-corner, a four-poster bed took up far too much of the floor. The room’s main feature, however, was a fireplace, surrounded by a stone mantle, and the scattering of armchairs in front of it.
Raimie was slumped in one of these, just… staring off into space. Unmoving. And my heart sank on seeing it.
When I cleared my throat, Raimie jumped, spinning toward me. He’d halfway raised his hands before seeing me, but once he recognized my presence, those got dropped, replaced by a clearly false smile.
“Oh, Rhy! Good to see you,” he said. “Did you catch Nessaira?”
Ok. I had two choices here. I could comment on what I’d seen, probably making my friend uncomfortable in the process, or I could ignore it, trusting him to tell me if he needed to talk.
That was an easy choice to make. Raimie had always been consistent when it came to asking for my help, once he was ready for it.
So, I smiled and said.
“I did. A soldier’s bringing her to the tower as we speak.”
Raimie’s shaky smile turned mischievous, which was good to see even as I silently groaned about what was surely coming.
“You couldn’t do that yourself?” he said. “I’m surprised! You’ve always seemed so self-sufficient.”
Rolling my eyes, I headed for the desk, picking at the paper on it.
“Usually, I would have handled it by myself, but she had a lot of Corruption in her body,” I said. “And you should know how much that dark energy affects me.”
“Right… sorry.”
Glancing back at Raimie, I winced to see him staring at his lap with his teeth caught in his teeth. Even months after learning about it, he got antsy when I talked about the negative consequences of my status as the Champion of Ele, and I hated that. I didn’t like making him uncomfortable.
“So, have you looked through these yet?” I said, lifting a piece of paper overhead. “Any useful information here?”
With a sigh, Raimie shook himself.
“Not that I saw,” he said. “But then, most of it’s coded, and I don’t know how to break through that.”
“Huh.”
Making a face, I replaced the sheet of paper.
“That makes sense. Enforcers have always been secretive,” I said. “I’ll take a look at this mess later, if I have time. Hopefully, though, we can get what we need from Nessaira.”
“Right. Her.”
Leaning on his knees, Raimie started scrubbing his face, and I winced. What had I been thinking, bringing her up so quickly? She was unlikely to give us any information without a thorough interrogation, and that… wouldn’t be pleasant.
Was it something that Raimie could handle right now?
Probably not.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’ll take care of her.”
Slowly, Raimie lifted his face until he was peeking over his fingers.
“Are you sure about that?” he asked.
Shrugging, I said, “Sure. It won’t be a problem.”
I strode to my friend, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Besides, you look like you need some rest,” I said. “Get a good night’s sleep, and I’ll bring you a report on what I discover in the morning.”
Gods, Raimie had never looked so skeptical around me before, but after a pause, one where he seemed to be evaluating me… or maybe listening to something unheard, he nodded.
“Ok,” he said. “Thanks, Rhy.”
“No problem,” I said, squeezing his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
But then, I left him alone. If I was going to do something so unpleasant, I should get it over with.
Right?
Getting this room ready for an interrogation had taken me a while. In fact, if there had been a window in here, I might have seen the first blush of dawn through it.
This delay had had little to do with the actual preparations needed. Arranging instruments on a table and securing a woman to a chair didn’t take much time, but for some reason, I’d found all of it difficult. Choosing which tools I’d use had seemed impossible, stalling me for far too long, and while working on knots, I’d constantly fought to keep my eyes off of Nessaira’s face.
And I didn’t know where this struggle had come from. In my many years and cycles of life, I’d interrogated my fair share of people, including those as thoroughly ensnared by Daevetch as this woman, and it had never been a problem before.
So, why was I standing here, staring at Nessaira and unable to begin?
“This is pathetic,” I said.
Behind me, Creation snorted, probably leaning against a wall with their arms crossed. I could imagine them shaking their head or rolling their eyes, and the summoned image was… annoying. It gave me the motivation I needed to reach for the Ele in Nessaira and tear it out.
She roused with a snort. Rapidly blinking, she took in her surroundings before recoiling into her chair.
“I’ll never give you what you want,” she hissed.
The same thing every interrogation victim claimed. How I’d love to meet one person who'd share the information I needed before I had to force it out of them.
“Whatever you say,” I said before rubbing my eyes.
I truly didn’t want to do this today. Why was that?
“Come on, coward,” Nessaira said. “Do your worst.”
She was right. It was better if I just started.
Dropping my hands to my sides, I said, “Remember. This can stop whenever you’re ready.”
I was halfway through breaking the fingers of Nessaira’s left hand when her howling scream trailed off into a… moan. What in the…?
Panting, she lifted hungry eyes to me.
“Again,” she breathed. “Please.”
And I froze.
Really, I should have expected this. Sometimes, Daevetch warped certain people’s already rare, if perfectly natural, appreciation of pain into something else entirely, and it seemed Nessaira had fallen into that category.
In my past experience with people like her, milking valid information from them had been difficult, to say the least, but I’d always prevailed. Stomaching the horrors that the process had forced from me had never been a problem.
Until today. Today, I considered what I must do to this woman, and my typical resistances to it, built to shore up my coming collapse, failed. My hands started trembling while my lips twitched.
For the love of the gods, why was this a problem today?
It didn’t matter why. I looked upon this woman, eager to accept the torment I’d pile on her, and my stomach heaved. Slapping a hand to my mouth, I raced out of the room, closing my ears to the laughter that chased me.
In the hallway, I crouched with my back to the wall and rocked in place. What was happening? Why-?
“Are you ok?’
At the sound of that voice, whatever realization had been lurking, just out of awareness, got shoved to the side, and I leapt to my feet, spinning toward Raimie. Thank the gods, he was alone with no Oswin in sight. I’d rather not give that spy more ammunition to use against me.
“I… yes,” I said. “Yes, I’m fine.”
And I was, although the conundrum that I’d left in a nearby room still made me cringe.
For an interminably long time, Raimie stared at me before sighing.
“Having trouble with Nessaira?” he asked. “Why did you volunteer to handle her if it was going to be such a problem?”
For a moment, I considered lying to my friend. Doing so would certainly be easier, but when it came to him, the truth had always served me better in the past.
So, I might wince, but I said.
“What can I say? Sometimes, I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
“I see,” Raimie said.
Cocking his head, he narrowed his eyes at the door beside me, and I wondered what he was thinking. Had what he’d seen shaken his confidence in me? Did he doubt my claim of being Ele’s Champion?
If he did, I wouldn’t blame him.
“Why don’t I give it a try?” he asked. “I probably won’t get anywhere, but it couldn’t hurt, right?”
Oh… he didn’t know what he was asking for. Plus, I’d volunteered for this task specifically because I didn’t think he could handle it.
“I don’t know…” I drawled, stalling for time.
Because I’d never known how to change my friend’s mind once he’d decided to do something.
“Come on, Rhy,” Raimie said. “It needs doing, yes?”
“Well… yes. We need to know what she knows,” I said, “but-”
“Then, let me try.”
As he brushed past me, Raimie smirked.
“I promise I won’t do something I’ll regret.”
Didn’t he know? Whatever he did in that room, he’d regret it.
But he turned through the doorway, and I’d lost my chance at convincing him to stop. Slumping against a wall, I hung my head, preparing for what would come. I was so focused on this that when Raimie stuck his head back into the hallway, it made me jump.
“Stay there, will you?” he said. “If I need help…”
Trailing off, he chewed on his lip, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said.
“Thanks!”
Raimie popped back into the room, and relaxing, I slid to the floor. Whatever my friend needed from me in the next hour, I’d be here for him.
Chapter 5: Inklings of Past Trouble
Raimie
Rhylix looked ready to leave.
With his hand on my shoulder, he said, “I’ll bring you a report on what I discover in the morning.”
But I didn’t know if I should let him go. Despite what he might think, I knew what he meant to do tonight. Nessaira wouldn’t willingly explain the inner workings of her master’s kingdom to him. He’d have to force it from her.
Which would mean torture. I didn’t know if that was how Rhylix phrased it to himself, but that was what it would be: making another person suffer until her will broke.
I didn’t know if I could let that happen, let alone approve of my friend taking the task on.
We need that inside information, heart of my heart. In our current venture, timing is everything. You know that, Nylion said. And you certainly cannot and should not do this thing. After closing a tear and killing so many Kiraak, you are worn thin. I can tell. Please, do not stress yourself more than you must, especially when someone has volunteered to help you. If anyone can assume such a horrible responsibility with little harm done to him, it is Rhylix.
Much as I hated to admit it, Nylion was right. I considered what he’d said, especially his review of our evening, and my heart…
Gods, something awful was stirring there. I’d felt it since encountering Nessaira at Da’kul’s gate, and with every passing hour, it had gotten stronger. I didn’t want my friend to be here when it broke through the glass separating it from me.
So, I said, “Ok. Thanks, Rhy.”
And he squeezed me.
“No problem. I’ll see you later.”
I watched him disappear down the stairs with a heavy heart. Gods, what had I done? What had I asked of my friend?
What was needed, Nylion whispered.
But I barely heard him. Hunching on myself, I hugged my elbows and slowly breathed out, fighting to stay numb. Whatever this was, this internal battle raging beneath the surface, I couldn’t indulge in it.
I needed to get some sleep while I could because soon, Gistrick would arrive with his Zrelnach, set to accept control of this fort. When he arrived, I needed to be ready for him. Da’kul must be secured and an initial survey of its supplies completed. I needed to make sure all of this happened smoothly.
But everything that I was struggling to ignore refused to be denied. I was frozen in place, continually shoving an understanding of what I was rejecting away, but it kept creeping back into my awareness. It wouldn’t leave me alone.
So, eventually, I stopped struggling against it. I let it come, and it rushed to the forefront.
The next thing I knew, I was huddled against the mantle with my back to the crease it made with the wall. With my arms thrown over my head, I was rocking in place and…
What was going on? Why- why was I…?
Everything was fine. I felt nothing, so why…?
But the more I considered these questions or tried to stop what was happening, the further away it all felt. From a distant place, I watched my body shake, but I couldn’t focus on it.
The only thing that held my attention was the sound of a woman screaming outside. She was roaring such unkind things at an unfortunate being, although I wasn’t sure how I knew that. I couldn’t make out her words, just her caustic voice as it boomed around me, and I wanted it to-
“Stop! Please, stop. I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to be bad. Please… please, stop. I- I’m sorry. Sorry. Pleeease…”
Was that… my voice? Gods, why did I sound so young? Why…? What…?
I couldn’t… think. Just… gibbering… in my-
“RAIMIE!” Nylion shouted.
From my far away perch, I watched him flickering in the air, kneeling in front of me with the most pained expression on his bruised face, and when he noticed me looking at him, he slumped, if only slightly.
Lightly, he touched my rocking form.
“It is ok,” he said. “Remember where we are. This is Da’kul, in Auden. We are far away from home and far off of the ground. Nothing bad can get us up here. We are alone, right? No one can hurt us…”
He kept repeating those reassurances, and with each one, I slid further into my body until I was slotted back into place. I saw the room at the top of the tower around me. I heard the crackle of flames in the fireplace. I felt the rough stone at my back and my still-moving lips, even as I clamped them together.
And I was so tired.
Drooping, I barely stopped myself from faceplanting.
“What-?”
Wincing, I licked my dry lips.
“What was that?”
I… am not sure.
Nylion had disappeared, which… had I just physically seen him? Gods. I was hallucinating on top of everything else.
“I’m losing my mind,” I said. “Or maybe that happened a while ago.”
After all, I’d been talking to an imaginary person in my head for as long as I could remember.
No. That wasn’t fair. Nylion was very real.
“Are you ok?” I whispered.
Maybe if I was quiet, it would negate how loud I’d been a moment ago.
I am fine, Nylion said. You should lie down before you collapse, heart of my heart.
Oh, fuck. I was about to fall over.
Gingerly, I curled up on the floor, enjoying the warmth of its typical stone.
It does feel good, does it not? Nylion said. Close your eyes, Raimie. I will keep watch for now. We are safe.
“But!”
What had happened…
Close your eyes.
Grumbling under my breath, I did as I’d been told, and as if waiting for that moment, sleep dragged me under.
I was at the bottom of a well again. Struggling to swim again. Cursing my broken arm again.
But this time, I was holding Nylion above the water’s surface… or I thought it was him. He was lighter than I’d expected. Smaller. More… delicate.
Regardless, I couldn’t focus on getting us out of the well, not with him screaming in my ear.
“It’s not right! It’s not right! It’s not-!”
Something thumped to the ground nearby, and snarling, I leapt to my feet, pulling Daevetch to my hands. Where was the threat? I’d eliminate it, keep us safe. So, where-?
At the head of the stairs, Oswin had frozen in the middle of climbing the last of them, and with a jolt running through me, I snapped my hands down.
As heat rose in my cheeks, I said, “Oswin. I’m sorry. I didn’t expect you. I fell asleep…”
Waving at the floor, I trailed off, realizing how silly sleeping there instead of the room’s perfectly good bed must make me look, but Oswin didn’t say a word about it.
Climbing the rest of the way into the room, he said, “Well, I certainly didn’t mean to disturb your rest, sir. You’ll have to forgive me for the noise. I’m a bit tired myself, but then, that’s what happens when you spend hours searching for the charge you’re supposed to be guarding.”
Right. I’d forgotten how irritated he’d been with me for insisting on infiltrating Da’kul with only Rhylix at my side.
“You’ve found me now,” I said, shrugging with an awkward smile. “Sorry for the inconvenience.”
“Think nothing of it.”
Striding to me, Oswin looked down at where I’d been lying.
“If I may, sir, why were you on the ground?
“I-”
Shit. How should I answer that? I wouldn’t tell him how I’d ended up there. Not only was I unclear about what had happened, but I knew how absolutely insane it would seem to him.
“I got cold,” I said. “Moved closer to the fire and fell asleep.”
“Huh,” Oswin said before nodding. “Makes sense.”
Thank the gods. He’d accepted that bullshit excuse.
As if nothing strange had happened, Oswin clasped his hands behind his back, launching straight into business.
“If you have the time, I’d like to introduce you to a few people,” he said. “You’ve actually met them once before, but that meeting was brief, and they’ve been busy with work in the months since. This is the first time they’ve been gathered in one place since the battle on the beach.”
Was I capable of meeting new people right now? I was still rattled and if possible, even more exhausted than I’d been before falling asleep.
I didn’t have a viable excuse for getting out of this, though, not when these introductions would likely be quick.
“I have the time,” I said, spreading my arms wide. “Bring them on.”
Grinning, Oswin glanced over his shoulder.
“You heard the man,” he called. “Come on up.”
Chapter 6: The King's Hand
Raimie
At Oswin’s prompting, four people joined us at the tower’s top, and Oswin was right. I did know them, if only nominally.
As they entered, each of them quickly scanned the room, but while the woman and the… small man or perhaps teenager squealed on seeing the bed, running to jump on it, the tallest of them stalked to a window, looking out of it. The burly one headed for the desk.
While he started rifling through the pages on it, I did my best not to gawk.
Clearing my throat, I said, “So, you’re finally getting around to introducing your friends?’
Because the last time I’d seen these people, I’d never learned their names, preoccupied as I’d been at the time. I’d been worried about how they’d react to the revelation of my primeancy.
“Oh, give him a break, most kingly one,” said the small man on the bed. “We’ve been busy setting up your spy network since then.”
Bristling, Oswin said, “Little! Mind yourself. No matter how much you like to forget it, respect is part of your job.”
While the small man made a face, mouthing silent words behind Oswin’s back, the older man turned to me.
“And yes. Introductions are in order,” he said. “The mouthy brat goes by Little, as you may have noticed. He’s our expert in infiltration, wriggling into any and all sorts of problem areas that we might encounter.”
Smirking, Little tossed his hand in a wave, and at that, I fought to keep my lips flat. I liked him already.
“Beside him is Ring,” Oswin continued. “She excels at persuasion, dropping the right words into the right ears at the right time.”
The pretty red-head at Little’s side flowed off of the bed, flourishing a bow once she was on her feet.
“A pleasure to meet you formally, sir,” she said.
When she sprang upright to hop on the bed, I snorted to suppress a laugh. I knew this woman could have oozed desire at me if she’d wanted to. It was found in her bearing and confidence, and I was so grateful that she hadn’t. I wasn’t sure how she’d known the best way to act around me, but that didn’t matter. With a single greeting, she’d made interacting with her ten times easier.
“Likewise,” I said.
Turning to the other two men, Oswin gestured at the burly one.
“That’s Thumb,” he said. “He’s our brawler and code breaker. Pretty decent with picking locks too.”
Never looking away from what he was reading, Thumb mumbled something unintelligible, which was… interesting.
“Seems intense,” I said.
“Mm,” Oswin helpfully replied. “In the corner, we have Pointer. He specializes in the less savory parts of our work, but that’s all I can share for now. Out of all of us, he’s the most private.”
Still at the window, Pointer absently said, “I heard that.”
His voice made me shiver. I wasn’t sure what was wrong with it, but it had sounded ruined, in a way. When Oswin merely laughed at what he’d said, however, I was forced to join him.
“And last but not least is me,” he said with a deep bow. “I fill the position of spymaster and Middle, which is the only name you should have known me by. Unfortunately, our circumstances didn’t allow me to maintain my anonymity.”
While he straightened, I cocked my head.
“Middle…” I said. “I know that you were once the Middle of Queen Kaedesa’s Hand, which means you were perfectly capable of maintaining your anonymity, if it’s what you really wanted.”
Behind Oswin, Pointer snorted, curling on himself.
“He’s got you there,” he rasped.
Oswin merely rolled his eyes, so I continued.
“But what are you the Middle of now? Unless…”
Glancing over the five strangers around me, I frowned.
“Unless these people are supposed to be a Hand?” I said. “That would make sense, what with the names.”
With a tongue click, Oswin shook his head, lifting his eyes to the sky.
“Yes, sir. We’re a Hand,” he said. “Yours, in fact.”
“But… why would I need a Hand?”
The words were out of my mouth before I could consider them, and on hearing them, I winced.
“Please, don’t say a word. I know how silly that question was,” I said.
“Well. I’m glad someone pointed that out,” Little said.
From beside him, Ring sat up so she could smack him upside the head.
“Respect, Little,” she hissed.
Chuckling, I said, “I don’t mind. It was a silly question.”
If an understandable one as well. I’d only accepted this new position a few months ago, and transitioning one’s viewpoint from that of a peasant to a leader of men would take anyone a while.
“So… what exactly does a Hand do?” I asked. “I know you’re spies and usually the cream of the crop at that, but what does spying usually involve?”
With a giggle, Ring bounced to the bed’s edge.
“Lots of things!” she said. “For now, we’ll probably scout for you, supporting the greater spy network that we’ve established, but when we served Queen Kaedesa, we kept tabs on Ada’ir’s criminal element, eliminated subversives before they could become dangerous, and occasionally, countered members of other kingdoms’ Hands, among other things. For the most part, though, you won’t have to think about the dark matters we handle. That’s not the king’s job.”
She’d given me a lot of useful information. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fully process it as I was stuck on one particular portion.
“Served Queen Kaedesa?” I repeated with a raised eyebrow.
Had anyone else heard panic in my voice there? Gods, please say they hadn’t.
Nodding, Oswin said, “Certainly. Before leaving Ada’ir, the five of us were Queen Kaedesa’s Hand. Now, we’re yours.”
For a moment, all I could do was blink at him and the others, and when I found my voice, I had to take a moment to clear it.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” I said, “but… just… what? That’s… oh, hell.”
Clutching my head, I sank into a chair.
“So, you’re telling me that not only have I stolen a large part of a neighboring kingdom’s army, along with its commander, but also its queen’s Hand?” I said. “How? And Alouin above… she’s going to kill me. For an insult like this, that utterly terrifying woman would definitely cross the Narrow Sea, just to murder my ass.”
…Which would absolutely help with this ridiculous quest of freeing Auden.
Please, heart of my heart. Do not panic, Nylion said. From what I have seen of her-
“Yeah… no. Kaedesa won’t do that,” Little drawled.
Groaning, he propped himself up on his elbows.
“She’s far too paranoid and prepared for the loss of something like her Hand to affect her. In fact, I’d be shocked if she hasn’t already replaced us,” he said. “Plus, she likes you, for some incomprehensible reason. You amuse her, which… lucky you. You’ll have to mess up in a direct and personal manner to get on her bad side.”
“Accurate,” Pointer said by the window.
The other three grunted or nodded their agreement, which made me relax, if only slightly. If anyone could know Queen Kaedesa’s mind, it would be people who’d served as her top spies.
That still left me with a question, though.
“All right, then. Say you’re right. Why should I trust you?” I said. “You’ve already switched your loyalty once. Who says you wouldn’t do it again?”
Stiffening, Oswin said, “I told you, sir. I’ve only ever been loyal to you, not Ada’ir’s queen. In my youth, I found myself in a position that might be beneficial to you, so as the spymaster of Kaedesa’s Hand, I began recruiting for you, replacing its old members with people loyal to you. Technically, no one here has betrayed a former employer because we’ve only ever been yours.”
…But why had they, particularly Oswin, been loyal to me? Until recently, I’d lived a quiet life, never making waves.
So, had Oswin simply been loyal to the idea of Auden’s royal family, not me specifically? If he was a descendant of an Audish refugee, that would make sense.
And he’d given me no reason to suspect him of treachery. If anything, he’d been a huge help, and besides that, I liked the man, which was rare for me. I could trust him.
Right?
“I can accept that,” I said, “and I’m glad to have met all of you in a full capacity. Truly.”
With a warm smile, Ring said, “We’re glad for you to know us, sir.”
“Maybe some of us are,” Little said, rolling his eyes. “Can we get back to work now, Middle? Dragging that Overseer to the tower was enough of a delay, so sure, he may have had time to meet us, but I didn’t.”
Squeezing his eyes closed, Oswin sighed.
“Yes, Little. You may return to work,” he said.
“Awesome.”
With a grin, Little bounced off of the bed, and the other three were quick to follow, although unlike their youngest member, they offered some form of respect before doing so. Only once Oswin and I were alone again did I fully slump into my chair, exhausted beyond measure.
“Well. They’re interesting,” I said to no one.
“I’m glad they’ve pleased you,” Oswin said, “and I’ll ensure they swear their loyalty to you soon, much as you might hate that. In the meantime, can I help you in any way, sir? You seem a bit… overwhelmed.”
Gods, he’d hit the nail on the head with that observation, so much so that I had to look away.
Rapidly blinking, I said, “I’m fine. Just struggling with what to do next.”
Because there was so much to do, and I was so very new to this leading a resistance thing. Sure, we’d taken another base of operations and a defensible one at that, but what should I do with it? I’d been hoping to use the intelligence found here to plan our next steps, but considering how heavily encoded everything seemed to be, that hope had been unfulfilled.
Even still, having a backup base would be nice. Who knew if or when my people’s current refuge, Tiro, might become hostile to us once more? For the last two months, Tanwadur had daily threatened to throw us out of his city, and I wasn’t sure when that threat might become a reality.
So, it was good that we had a potential new home. From here, we could begin our true work. We could slowly free Auden’s many cities, defending them once they were ours, until such time as we could contest the capital.
But where to start? Over the winter, that had been the major question for me, and while I had a spy network, it was new and fragile enough that reports had been slow in the making.
Perhaps the Hand could pick up the slack while the rest of the network was getting more established. With their experience, it shouldn’t take them as long to get into the swing of things, compared to a slew of new spies at least.
And hopefully, Rhylix will soon bring us the information he has coerced from Nessaira, Nylion said.
Right. How had I forgotten about that?
I should check in with him before some new task came along to distract me.
Blinking, I refocused on my surroundings and smiled on seeing Oswin, patiently waiting.
“Let’s see how Rhy’s interrogation is going, shall we?” I said.
Turning toward the stairs, I almost missed Oswin’s subtle grimace, but it had been there in time for me to see it.
I wasn’t sure why the spy didn’t like my friend, although it couldn’t be because Rhylix was Eselan or a primeancer. Oswin had already established that he wasn’t constrained by society’s typical hatred of primeancers, and when around the Zrelnach, he was nothing but polite and respectful. Given that, it seemed safe to say that he didn’t hold some strange prejudice against Rhylix.
But something about my friend still rankled him. That much was clear, and it bothered me that I didn’t know why that was.
I spent most of the walk down the tower considering this question, halfway tempted to just ask the spy. In the end, though, doing that didn’t seem wise. I needed to stay on Oswin’s good side, and while I doubted mentioning this issue would cause a problem between us, I’d rather avoid difficult conversations with him, at least until his side of this resistance was more stable.
So, we descended into the lower floors of the tower in silence.
Chapter 7: Is Torture Ever Acceptable?
Raimie
Eventually, the two of us found the tower’s cell block, and spying Rhylix up ahead, I motioned for Oswin to stay back. For once, he didn’t protest this, probably because he had clear lines of sight down the hallway.
I meandered toward my friend, but once I’d gotten closer, I frowned, hastening my pace. Rocking in place, Rhylix was huddled on himself, and I could barely make out what he was saying.
“-hate it! Can’t do this anymore. Why do I keep having to be the bad guy?”
Shit. I’d known asking him to do the interrogation was a bad idea.
I slowed down, speaking as softly as I could.
“Rhy? Are you ok?”
For a breath, Rhylix tensed into a stiff statue, but then, he lurched to his feet, jerking his head across the hallway, and I froze. Fortunately, the panic I’d spotted in him was quickly buried, and he cleared his throat.
“I…” he said, rapidly blinking. “Yes. Yes, I’m fine.”
He is lying, both to us and himself, Nylion said.
I know, I replied.
But I didn’t know what to do about it. Calling him out didn’t seem like a good idea, but neither did leaving him here. Clearly, he couldn’t finish this interrogation right now.
“Having trouble with Nessaira?” I said. “Why did you volunteer to handle her if it was going to be such a problem?”
As Rhylix winced, Nylion said, Heart of my heart, please say you are not considering what I think you are.
I couldn’t answer him honestly, so I held my tongue.
“What can I say?” Rhylix said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sometimes, I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
Clearly.
“I see,” I said.
Do you, really? Nylion said. Please. We cannot take this task on for him. I know you want to, but… please, Raimie. It would not be wise. Let us wait-
Can we afford to do that? I said. As you’ve said multiple times, we need this information, and we need it now. Besides, if Rhy can’t do this, who else would we ask? I was already uncomfortable enough with giving him this task. I couldn’t do it to another person.
Raimie, I am begging you-
“Why don’t I give it a try?” I said over Nylion.
I couldn’t let him continue with that thought. If he did, I’d be stuck here for who knew how long, trying to reconcile his feelings with our required task.
“I probably won’t get anywhere, but it couldn’t hurt, right?” I made myself say.
And ignored the panic that Nylion was spilling forth.
Rhylix seemed almost as repulsed by the idea as my other half.
“I don’t know…” he said.
Gods, why were these two being so resistant with this? Couldn’t they see it was the only way?
“Come on, Rhy. It needs doing, yes?” I said, half to him and half to Nylion.
But- my other half started.
“Well… yes,” Rhylix said, interrupting him. “We need to know what she knows, but-”
Oh. my. gods.
“Then, let me try,” I said.
Pushing past Rhylix, I forced myself to smile at him.
“I promise I won’t do something I’ll regret.”
Or I hoped I wouldn’t.
After all, I wasn’t an idiot. I knew that nothing pleasant was waiting for me in Nessaira’s cell, but I was hoping its necessity would erase my guilt over it.
That is naïve, Nylion whispered.
But he’d sounded so resigned.
You are my everything, Raimie, but sometimes, you are too optimistic for our own good.
I couldn’t identify what had pulsed from him with those words, but it made me pause in the cell’s threshold, not really seeing what it contained. Something took hold of my body, and almost without my consent, it twitched backward enough for me to poke my head back into the hallway.
Seeking out Rhylix, I said, “Stay there, would you? If I need help…”
Ha. Given how I’d found him, how could Rhylix help me with this?
But he smiled and said, “I’m not going anywhere.”
And I relaxed.
“Thanks!” I said.
Now, it was time to do something I’d rather never try my hand at.
When I turned back into the room, though, I stopped short, nailed in place by what I saw. Nessaira was slouched in a chair, tied to it by the arms and legs. Her fingers had obviously been broken, dangling as they were from her hands at odd angles, and- and some of her fingernails were gone. Her hair was disheveled and grimy and her face… gods.
And yet, when she saw I’d placed my attention on her, she grinned, displaying her bloodied teeth and all.
“Aww… has the cute Eselan whelp sent his lapdog to finish the job?” she said. “Here’s hoping you can do a better job than him.”
What… what had Rhylix done? Hell. What would I have to do?
My hands were shaking as I moved into the room, and when I reached the table beside Nessaira with a host of tools on top of it, I flexed my fingers before slowly playing them over sharp edges and pincers and…
Oh, gods.
I couldn’t do this.
But I had to. Rhylix certainly couldn’t, and we needed… something from this. Right? Nessaira knew something we needed.
Where was this fog in my head coming from?
Snorting, Nessaira said, “You’ll be as much of a disappointment as him, won’t you?”
Ok. I needed to slow down. I needed to- to think.
Gods… her face… so many bruises.
I looked at that, and suddenly, I felt like I was gasping for air, much as I wasn’t doing that. Why did her face…?
Nylion. He looked like her.
Didn’t he?
“Oh, hell. Nyl… where are you?” I thought I said.
Gods, why was I having such a hard time with something as simple as thinking? That should be instinctive, right? I shouldn’t be fighting off a need to run and a head full of fog and her face-
Heart of my heart, you cannot do this, came a whisper through my mind. I know it is hard, but you need to let go now. Just… let go. Let me out, like we have done before, and I will keep you safe.
I didn’t know what was going on, but right now, I was too muddled to figure it out.
So, I did as the voice had said. I released control of the one thing I desperately clung to and faded into the background.
Slowly. Gradually. Gone.
Rapidly blinking, Nylion took a deep breath, and despite what a bad idea it was, he roughly shook his head. Doing that might indicate distress to this torture session’s victim, but he needed it if he was to clear out this all-consuming fog. If he didn’t, Raimie’s influence might stick around for far too long.
This was what happened every time they unintentionally switched places or rather, every time Raimie unwillingly lost control. Every time something unpleasant drew Nylion to the surface.
But he’d known this would happen as soon as Raimie had gotten this ridiculous idea in his thick head. Gods, much as Nylion would do anything for his other half, sometimes his stubbornness frustrated him.
“Problem?” said the victim with a laugh in her voice. “You know… I get it if you can’t hurt me. Not many people are strong enough-”
Huffing, Nylion backhanded her.
“Do shut up,” he said. “I am trying to think.”
It had been a while since he’d had to do something like this, and while his lessons on torture remained fresh in his mind, even after being abandoned for so long, he still needed a moment to choose which of them to use. There were so many options and he wasn’t sure which would work best.
It didn’t help that Nylion was still quite disoriented from everything that had happened earlier today.
When Raimie had closed the tear here… gods, it had hurt just as much as the last time, and he still hadn’t figured out why that was or why the dissonance it had caused had yet to fade.
Add to that Raimie’s near breakdown in the tower’s top, and one had an overworked half of a whole. It had been ages since something had so strongly tested the walls between Raimie and Nylion, years since he’d had to battle his own distress while also calming the heart of his heart down. Years since their collective truth had nearly risen above the many lies told to hide it, both by themselves and others.
Somehow, he’d won against this bout, beating memories back below the surface, but it had been a close call. Given the direction Raimie’s life was currently taking them, Nylion knew he’d have to make several repeat performances of this in the coming days, and he wasn’t sure if he could keep it up for long enough.
Yes, he wanted Raimie to partially breach the walls between them, enough to learn some of their truths, but that shouldn’t happen until he was good and ready, which he wasn’t now. Even beyond that, there were some truths that Nylion never intended to share with his other half.
Those things should always remain buried.
None of this would help Nylion with his current purpose, though, so he shook his head again, pushing it all to the side. With difficulty, he focused on the real world.
Nessaira had kept silent, thankfully, but she was starting to look restless and bored again. So, Nylion took a knife from a nearby table, twirling it between his fingers, and considered where to begin.
Thank the gods that this victim was a woman. Nylion didn’t have anything against such people. He knew, logically, that some of them were good and kind, but his personal experience with them had been anything but that. Said experience made it easier to rest his knife’s edge against his victim’s skin and lay open a first cut.
She had an unusual reaction to this, fluttering her eyes closed with a sigh, but Nylion wasn’t concerned by that. He was too occupied by what he should ask her to care.
Raimie and Rhylix would probably want him to ask logistical questions, like which Enforcers were currently running Auden and where enemy troops had been quartered, but Nylion thought other topics were of greater concern to their war effort. Topics that the other two might never have considered, fully wrapped in Ele as they were.
So, he said, “Tell me how the Kiraak are made.”
Those beings had fascinated Nylion since Raimie had first laid eyes on one. While his other half had fought them during the beach battle, he’d marveled at how little those blank-vined people had paid attention to the wounds they acquired. It had been like they could fully ignore pain, and that, Nylion was interested in. He assumed it had something to do with the Daevetch that ran rampant in their bodies, and if so, perhaps he and Raimie could take the Kiraak’s near-invincibility for themselves.
Burbling laughter interrupted Nylion’s thoughts, and he fought to keep from scowling as the victim got control of herself. At the moment, only a blank face would do.
Still hiccupping on giggles, Nessaira said, “Is that all you’ve got, little one? If you want me to risk betraying my Dark Lord, especially about something sensitive like that, you’ll have to make it worth my while.”
She hungrily leered at Nylion, and he shuddered despite himself. Gods, he hated expressions like that.
How was he going to break this woman? If she’d had such an atypical response to a relatively tame torture technique, then she’d probably put up greater resistance than most. So, how…?
Nylion knew of only one other person who might claim such stubbornness, one man who might show as much indifference to pain, and in the past, only one thing had easily surmounted the heart of his heart’s defenses against it.
Sighing, Nylion rubbed his forehead, releasing his typically enforced ignorance of the constant shadow at his side.
“All right, Chaos,” he said. “You know what I want. How do I do it?”
Wincing, Chaos said, “Are you sure this is a good idea? Raimie wouldn’t approve.”
Which was exactly the point.
“At the moment, what Raimie would or would not want does not matter,” Nylion said. “He is not here right now. I am, and it is my duty to handle all of the dark things that he should never have to conceive of. So, tell me what I need to know, Chaos, or so help me, I may end up doing something much worse than what I already have planned.”
He truly hoped Chaos would go along with the plan for once. That other thing he’d threatened? It would require quite a lot of Daevetch use, and with how much of it Raimie had been using lately, Nylion wasn’t sure how much more this body and brain could take without experiencing adverse side effects.
Squeezing their eyes closed, Chaos said, “Direct my whole into the cut on your victim’s cheek. Then, send it through her body to the squishy mass at the base of her skull.”
Nylion obliged, ignoring his victim’s confused protestations, before raising an eyebrow at Chaos.
“Activate the pain node that you’ll find there,” the splinter said. “It’s that simple.”
So it was.
For as long as he could stand it, Nylion listened to his victim scream before releasing his hold on her. Once he had, Nessaira slumped in her bonds, panting, but when she lifted her eyes to him, they were shining.
“A Vice?” she purred. “Not only a rogue Daevetch primeancer, but one who can employ that delightful torture. Oh, how I’ve missed-”
With his stomach twisting into a knot, Nylion used his Vice on the victim to shut her up. Hell, the tone of her voice. It had made him want to throw up.
“Tell me what I want to know,” he snapped.
When he released her, his victim licked her lips.
“Certainly,” she said. “Keep hurting me like that, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“Just!”
Pinching his nose, Nylion rubbed one of his temples.
“Just tell me about the Kiraak for now,” he said.
“Well, for starters, that process begins in the Birthing Grounds. This is where, as the name implies, the Kiraak are born,” Nessaira said. “My Dark Lord attaches Corruption, his flavor of Daevetch, to key points in each prisoner from a Harvested population, after which he gives them to his Enforcers. Those lieutenants add the last attachment point-”
“Hang on,” Nylion interrupted, lifting a hand. “Are you saying that Doldimar’s entire, near-undefeatable army is made up of people controlled by Daevetch alone?”
With a frown, Nessaira said, “It’s Corruption, actually, but besides that… yes.”
She shrugged, and for a moment, Nylion could only stare at her.
Had- had Doldimar never considered that a Daevetch primeancer, free of his influence, might challenge him for his power?
“Huh,” he said. “Maybe our enemy is not as smart as we thought.”
Bristling, Nessaira made to speak, but Nylion was too caught on an idea to listen.
Forcing her mouth closed, he said, “If Kiraak are made from Corruption, then what would happen if I removed it?”
Blood drained from Nessaira’s face at the rate of Nylion’s lifted hand. He reached for every trace of Daevetch in her body and with a thought, called it to him.
This, of course, removed the Vice he’d placed on her as well, so as a tangled web of dark energy converged on Nylion from her cut, he was forced to listen to her desperate shrieks, consumed with singular conviction.
He’d caused this pain. Only him.
As the last of Daevetch’s traces flowed out of Nessaira, she limply slumped in her chair, nearly knocking it over, and biting his lip, Nylion reached to check her pulse, hoping she was still alive. He didn’t need another death on his conscience.
Before he could touch her, however, a commotion of scuffling shoes and slapping footsteps jerked him toward the doorway. Almost, he sprinted through it, ready to throw a Daevetch bolt at the noise’s source, before remembering that Rhylix had probably made it.
Wait. Rhylix had been here the whole time, meaning he’d heard everything that had happened here.
Including everything Nylion had said.
“Oh, shit,” he whispered to no one.
What Rhylix had heard… he could extrapolate so many things from it, things he couldn’t know. No one could know that Raimie was actually Raimie and Nylion, not when the last time…
Gritting his teeth, Nylion sprinted out of the cell, leaving an unconscious woman behind.
Chapter 8: Expected Hatred
Rhylix
As I ran out of the tower, the scene I’d left behind kept playing out in my mind, mostly in sound.
“Nyl, where are you?” Raimie dazedly said.
A barely audible whine filled the room, but by the time I’d leaned through the doorway, it had stopped, and Raimie was roughly shaking his head. I relaxed, thinking everything was fine.
A few moments later, he said, “At the moment, what Raimie would or would not want does not matter. He is not here right now.”
And I froze, knowing I’d stumbled onto something important. Unfortunately, knowledge of it got pushed away when Nessaira started howling in pain. By the time she’d stopped, falling unconscious, black lines had faded from under her skin, and I ran from what that meant.
I was still running from it, but much as I might like it to, that strategy wasn’t working. So, I stopped short, completely out of breath, and considered what I’d seen.
Nessaira was an Overseer, a Kiraak who’d been afflicted for long enough that her blood lust no longer controlled her. Even beyond the events of the recent battle, I'd verified that fact when infiltrating this fort, months ago.
And yet, if I returned to her cell now, I wouldn’t find a trace of Daevetch on her.
Which meant she was no longer a Kiraak. Raimie had… cured her.
Gods, I’d be sick.
Forever ago, when I’d still had hope of breaking free from the cycle’s curse, I’d aspired to do what Raimie had accomplished. I’d desperately wanted a fix for the monsters Doldimar always created, had spent so many years looking for one, but as time had gone on, that desire had gradually faded. It had slowly retreated before my growing hopelessness until the cycle had come when I’d broken. During that one, Doldimar had been around for centuries before I’d shown up, much like in this cycle, and the things he’d done…
He'd nearly won that one, and after it had been over, I’d just… given up. For centuries upon centuries, countless cycles passing me by, I’d gone through the motions, unable to do much else until Raimie had given me hope again. My wish to help the Kiraak had died back then too, and until now, I hadn’t examined what my long-ago surrender to the inevitable might mean, both for the Kiraak and for myself.
How many of them had I killed, thinking nothing could save them? With what Raimie had done, how much blood now stained my hands, or- or… had it always been there, unseen by a man too oblivious to notice it?
Gods. I couldn’t consider that idea, couldn’t carry the weight of it. Not alone.
So, I scrambled for another problem to occupy my mind. Like… like…
Like, what had Raimie meant earlier, saying he ‘wasn’t around’? He’d been standing right there. Had the pressure of the task he’d undertaken made him fracture from himself, even if temporarily? I’d seen that happen often enough in times of war and other such horrors.
If so, what did that make the ‘Nyl’ he’d mentioned?
“You… oh, no. Eriadren, you should pay attention to your surroundings. Now.”
Creation? What on earth was the splinter doing-?
Sharp pain in my head jarred me out of my thoughts, and as I pitched forward, I tried to figure out what had hit me, as something obviously had. This question occupied me as I rolled onto my side, curling protectively around myself.
A harshly whispered voice poked through the haze of my pain.
“Remember. We can only do things that a fall off the wall could cover up.”
And even as another blow landed and another, I was silently sighing to myself because I knew what this was. I’d been anticipating it since first revealing myself as a primeancer.
That made it no less painful. As these judgmental assholes proceeded to beat me to death, I did my best to protect vital areas, wrapping my arms around my head and pulling my legs to my stomach. Logically, I knew I should just let them kill me. Dying and subsequently reviving would spare me a lot of time and pain.
But I couldn’t help fighting to survive.
When a kick to my kidneys had my body spasming open, I struggled to curl up again. When that attempt failed miserably and a foot connected with my groin, I tried to roll away from the blow, even with how hazy I’d already become.
At some point, there was a pause with frustrated voice saying something about how annoying it was that I wouldn’t lose consciousness—they could thank Ele’s persistent attempts to keep me in perfect health for that—but I couldn’t acknowledge that brief respite, save to use it to pinpoint my attackers. Once I had, I gathered Ele to me, ready to both shoot it at them and propel myself away.
I’d gotten halfway to doing that when a loud crunch filled my ears and mind. I had half a second to process the noise before an oscillating storm of pain and a dull ache radiated from my jaw. Cold air brushed against body parts that it should never touch, and my teeth loudly pulsed in their sockets.
Ah. They’d switched to using weapons, then. Great.
Another snap filled the air, followed by a fiery spark in my foot, and another and another and-
I lost any tenuous grip I’d had on Ele, cursing it all the while. Gods, I was going to die again, and because of the curse that primal energy had placed on me, it wouldn’t be quick. Of course.
I didn’t know where I’d found the energy to be angry about that.
As if to echo that whisper of emotion, someone familiarly welcome roared.
“That is not allowed!”
There was a whistle and a thump, and when I managed to crack an eye open, I was greeted by the sight of a strange man, sprawled on the ground with a clean hole bored through where his heart should be.
Rescue. Hopefully, it had come in time.
Two more bodies fell to the earth, and feet thudded toward me.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” someone harshly whispered. “Raimie will kill me.”
My friend collapsed into the dirt between me and the man he- he’d killed—I hadn’t thought Raimie could even hurt someone in his new ‘family’—but instead of reaching for my broken body, like most people would, he clenched his hands in his lap, running his eyes over me.
“Where does it hurt worst?” he asked. “And- and may I touch you?”
Oh. He did want to help.
Why had I been certain for a moment that he wouldn’t?
Groaning, I started getting to my feet… or trying to. My first attempt only landed me flat on my face again.
“Don’t bother with that,” I panted. “Just… get me somewhere hidden. Please.”
No one could see what would soon happen to me. No one but Raimie.
As I pushed myself onto my elbows, my friend slowly offered me a hand, refusing to move until I’d taken it. Then, he hauled me upright, throwing my arm over his shoulders, and even with pain screaming through my mind, I noticed how he shuddered when our skin made contact.
What-?
“Where should I take you?” he asked.
Why was he asking me that? I could barely think, let alone-
“The tower,” I surprised myself by saying. “Hopefully, we can-”
-make it. That didn’t seem likely, not with how much Ele was already glowing under my skin. Those men might not have inflicted fatal damage on me, but with how many things Ele needed to heal and had already healed in my body, I didn’t- I didn’t know if…
“Hey, stay here, please,” my friend said. “It is difficult enough, dragging you along half-conscious. I do not think I can manage anything more.”
Right. Yes. I couldn’t think about what was happening in my body or the energy that Ele was sipping away…
Had to- had to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. Had to reach the tower—
Safety.
—before anyone came to investigate the commotion.
Was anyone coming? Or would I die, alone and uncared for, again?
“Rhylix,” my friend hissed. “Please. Gods, it is- it is too much for-”
My friend. He was helping. Or trying to. Bless him.
I didn’t think it would be enough.
As expected, we were within a couple dozen paces of the tower’s entrance when Ele’s healing process sapped the last spark of energy from my body, and I wilted. Grunting, my friend fought to support my body weight, but that was beyond him.
I watched from both my own eyes and a point above us as he lowered me to the ground. I noticed the full-blown panic in his gaze, how not there he seemed.
Consumed by his fear.
“It’s ok, Raimie,” I mumbled. “Will be back soon.”
And hopefully, no one else would be here to observe that.
To my distant surprise, I noted that my words hadn’t comforted my friend as I’d expected. With panic still running wild in him, he jerked his head up, glaring at me with his lips peeled from his teeth.
“I am not Raimie,” he growled.
Wha-? He wasn’t making-
“What’s going on?” a strange voice called.
Shit.
As my friend whirled away from me, I fought to stay in my body, desperate to keep my curse from discovery, but it didn’t matter how much I struggled. The world pulled away from me—
—and I was floating in the black. There were voices on every side, and it was all so familiar, and I’d just been somewhere safer and yet more dangerous than here. Which was it?
What happened now? Did I stay here? Did I move on? How did I both know and not know the answer to those questions? Why was this place so loud and—
—familiar?
Like where I was now.
Dazedly, I swayed in place, barely staying on my feet, and scanned a flat, green landscape with a blue sky overhead.
Alouin’s world. I'd made it.
Chapter 9: What Happens When You Die?
Rhylix
Slowly, I pieced together what had happened to me. I’d died—obviously—and slipped into that place full of only black, the space between realities. I always went there after death, if only for a heartbeat or an eternity. I could never tell which.
Compared to there, this green-and-blue place didn’t usually keep me for as long as it had today. I was typically here for a breath, sometimes gaining a glimpse of Alouin before getting shoved back into my body. Why was I lingering this time?
“Hello, Rhylix. Would you mind moving? You’re blocking my view of the sky.”
Speaking of which.
As I stepped to the side, I glanced down at Alouin, raising an eyebrow. He was sprawled comfortably across the grass with his hands folded on his stomach, which was… different.
“Shouldn’t our positions be reversed, what with me just dying?” I said before lowering my voice. “Not that you’d care.”
As expected Alouin had no reply for that, merely blinking at me with a sardonic grin, so I huffed and rested my hands on my hips.
“Any idea why I’m still here?” I asked
Alouin shrugged.
“The balance has shifted, perhaps irrevocably this time,” he said. “Some aspects of your Eternal War are sure to have changed as a result.”
…Greeeeeeat. Yet another complication in my already complicated life.
It would help if I knew what Alouin was talking about. What ‘balance’ was he referring to?
Glancing at me, Alouin snorted a laugh.
“Ships, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to confuse you. Yet again.”
Sighing, he closed his eyes before giving his body a shake and settling back into a relaxed position.
“And don’t worry. If I’m right—which I usually am—you’ll rejoin the living soon enough,” he said. “In the meantime, would you join me? I… could use the company.”
At that request, I hesitated. I might not hate Alouin as much as I had when he’d first forced me into this life, but our relationship still couldn’t be classified as good. Why would he ask someone like me for company?
What did it say about him that I was his only choice in the matter?
Ultimately, that was what had me sinking to the ground beside this god-like being. After a few heartbeats of watching him and his unfocused stare, I shifted in place.
“What’s got you so distracted?” I said. “I know I haven’t seen you much this cycle, but usually when I die, you give me all of your attention. Should I be jealous?”
Even as I voiced the idea, I laughed at it. Much as Alouin tended to help me along in my visits here after death, giving me hints and the like, I’d never enjoyed seeing him.
He didn’t react to what I’d said, though, continuing to vacantly stare instead, but after an agonizingly long wait, he pointed at the sky.
“I’m considering everything that represents,” he said.
After following the line his finger made to the sky, I winced. A pinpoint hole lay at the sky’s apex, containing a storm of illumination and darkness. In the midst of this, a humanoid figure was hanging from an unknown support, visibly twitching from even this far away, and the apparent source of his distress, the pinpoint’s storm of light and dark, funneled into him.
As always when viewing this, I recognized the hum, ever-present in this place, as the drawn-out and thready scream that it was, and half-unwillingly, I looked away once more, catching sight of Alouin’s rapt gaze as a result. Why did he find that horrifying image so captivating?
After another beat of quiet, he licked his lips.
“It’ll be my turn again soon,” he whispered. “I won’t survive this time.”
And I could only blink at him.
“What?” I said.
That seemed to break Alouin’s reverie. He slapped his cheeks a few times before sitting up.
“I shouldn’t burden you with that,” he said. “You’ve got enough on your plate.”
As he stood, I joined him, leaving me unable to pull away when he took my hands.
“There are some things you should know before then. A few warnings,” he said. “From this point on, I might seem different, Rhylix. At first, you might find me a little… unstable, but then, I’ll go cold. Be careful of yourself when that happens. I don’t know what my intentions for you will be after that. I don’t have that piece.”
At my uncomprehending stare, he made a face, releasing me.
“Trust me. I know that seems like babble right now. It’ll make sense eventually,” he said. “Now. Would you like me to speed along your trip to the living?’
When he lifted a hand, I nodded.
“Considering what I left behind, that would be helpful,” I said.
Maybe if I got back quickly enough, Raimie and I could pass my death off as something else, sweeping it under the rug.
And maybe I could also figure out why my friend had been acting so strangely tonight.
Resting his finger on my forehead, Alouin paused instead of shoving me away.
“I wish you luck on your journey, Rhylix,” he said before sadly smiling. “Goodbye.”
He pushed me backward, and as I fell, his words and face swirled in my mind until—
—I jolted into my body and went still.
Where was the danger? Were potential hostiles around me, or had Raimie gotten me somewhere private before the damage had been done?
When only silence greeted me for several heartbeats, I started breathing normally, slowly opening my eyes. Cautiously, I scanned what little of the room I could see from my prone position, and after seeing no one with me, I sat up. Clinging to the edge of my cot, I simply stared at my feet for a while, letting everything that had happened over the last few hours wash over me.
I’d died again, and yes, I should be used to this after countless experiences of it. Yes, it should perhaps be as nothing to me.
But this time had been different. This time, I’d died only a few hours after another death, and this time… this time, I’d been murdered.
I didn’t know why, but that made it feel so much worse, even if the circumstance had been expected. What was it about me that made others want to end my life so badly and so often? I knew some of that was a side effect of the life I led but the rest…
Was I really that distasteful to other people?
But then, I remembered Raimie and how hard he’d worked to save my life, or tried doing that at least. I didn’t care how strange he’d been acting both before and during those awful moments. He’d been there for me. I hadn’t been alone while Ele had wrung the last drop of life from me.
Isolation while dying was quite possibly the only experience worse than death, in my experience. Thank the gods it hadn’t happened this time.
Still. Where was Raimie? I’d like to know what had happened after I’d died.
Given, he wasn’t the only one who might answer my questions.
“Creation?” I softly said. “Are you there?”
“Of course.”
The splinter was standing beside the door, carefully watching me, and given how obvious their presence was, I wondered how I could have missed them.
“Do you know what happened?” I asked. “Besides the obvious, I mean.”
“Unfortunately, no,” Creation softly said.
When I shot an incredulous stare at them, they shifted in place.
“I know you died, but after that happened, I lost my anchor to this plane of existence,” they said. “I’m not sure what happened here for the time you were gone.”
Yes, that made sense. That was how it had always been.
But.
“You couldn’t have asked Raimie’s Order splinter for details?” I said.
Creation’s lips tightened.
“They had nothing to report,” they said.
“Nothing to… what’s that supposed to mean?”
But Creation refused to reply, and I knew I’d get nothing further from them about that.
Shaking my head, I said, “Fine. Do you at least know why things went the way they did this time? I spent much longer than usual in Alouin’s world.”
“That’s… a difficult question to answer,” Creation said.
And I narrowed my eyes at them. How had that been difficult?
Before I could ask that question, though, the room’s door cracked open, letting a voice spill through it—
“I’m telling you, sir. Nothing’s changed.”
—and I froze with all of me going stone cold. Someone was about to encounter a living, breathing me after a possible exposure to my dead body.
How many times had I been in this position before? And every time… every time…
“Well, that was obviously a failure,” Reive says with a grimace. “Still, how fortuitous for me. It’s good to know I’ll survive that type of poison once we reverse engineer you.”
He turns to his assistants.
“Let’s move on, shall we?”
Someone grabs me by the hair, and dazed as I am, I can’t fight back as they drag me to a nearby bucket and shove my head underwater.
Frozen in place, I watched as the door finished swinging open. In its entrance, Oswin stopped short with his mouth falling open, and when he dropped the apple he’d been holding, the sound of its roll across the floor was deafening to me.
Gods, I wanted to push myself away from him until my back had hit the wall, curling on myself once there, but I couldn’t move. I was stone.
Still, I made my lips move.
“Please,” I said. “Don’t hurt me.”
For some reason, this made Oswin blink at me instead of sneering, but I didn’t get long to ponder that. As if summoned by the sound of my voice, a source of safety came into view.
“Rhy! Thank the gods.”
Pushing past Oswin, Raimie hurried to me.
“I’m so glad you’re ok.”
He grabbed my shoulder, probably meaning for it to be comforting, and I barely kept from flinching.
This was Raimie. My friend. I was safe here.
“Yes, you are,” Creation softly said from their corner. “No one’s going to hurt you right now.”
Maybe not, but even still, the fact that Oswin was still standing in the doorway, staring, didn’t bode well.
I couldn’t let him see how much this bothered me.
With difficulty, I turned to Raimie.
“What happened?” I asked.
Wincing, Raimie curled in on himself.
“A few soldiers attacked you,” he said. “It was bad, Rhy.”
Nodding, I said, “I know that. I was more curious about what happened… afterward.”
Although I did still have some questions about what had happened during my death, most especially about Raimie’s behavior. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure I could ask any of them with a spy hovering over us.
When was that man planning on coming into the room?
“Well, after you… you know,” Raimie said before vaguely waving at me, “Oswin and I dragged you here.”
So, at the least, the spy had seen me dead. That had seemed obvious, given his reaction on coming into the room, but the confirmation of my suspicion was nice.
“And what exactly have you told Oswin to keep him from… discarding me?” I said.
Had my friend told the spy my secret?
Shaking himself, said spy finally shed his shock, letting the door fall closed behind him as he leaned against the wall.
“Raimie said that sometimes, Ele does a magic… thing to people like you,” he said, looking mighty uncomfortable as he did so. “He said that when you’re close to dying, it puts you into a death-like state, there to preserve your body for a time. The hope is that a healer can reach you before that time runs out. Does that sound about right?”
Oh, thank the gods. Raimie hadn’t shared my secret. Given how often learning about it had hurt people in the past, I was fairly unwilling to let that piece of me get out.
Seriously, though? He’d blamed my curse on Ele’s healing ability? That wasn’t at all how that technique worked, and Raimie knew this. On seeing my side-eyed glare, he gave me a slight headshake, almost as if he hadn't wanted Oswin to see it.
Which of course, the spy had. That man had probably been trained to spot even the smallest of changes in body language.
But in answer to his question.
“That’s… a sufficient explanation, I suppose,” I said. “Is that it, then? I almost died, and the two of you got me into hiding before anyone else could see what happened?”
If that was so, had they also been able to clean up the bodies we’d left behind? Gods, how was Raimie planning to fix that complication?
Wincing, my friend half-closed one eye.
“Unfortunately, no,” he said. “Um… you’ve actually been ‘dead’—”
There, he made air quotes.
“—for a little over a day. And before Oswin caught up to help me with things, several soldiers ran across me and your supposed corpse. I’d be surprised if rumors of your death haven’t spread through the ranks by now.”
…Great.
Sighing, I leaned back on my hands with my eyes closed. This cycle kept getting increasingly complicated. It was starting—and I did mean starting—to worry me. How long would I be able to manage this chaos? Could I do that, long enough to reach my end goal at least?
Did that matter right now?
With my eyes still closed, I said. “Then, Rhylix is dead. That’s fine. I can work with it.”
Across from me, Oswin coughed out an aborted laugh.
“And how do you mean to do that?” he said.
Frowning, I snapped my head down to stare at the spy. I wasn’t sure how I’d made a poor impression on this man, but the bad attitude he’d always had while in my presence was starting to bother me. Maybe it was time to show him I wasn’t someone to be trifled with.
“Simple, really,” I said.
Getting to my feet, I fixed Oswin with a cold smile.
“I’ll become someone else.”
Chapter 10: Unexpected Compassion
Rhylix
I started with my cursed height. To this point, I’d never bothered with correcting that horrible aspect of my body, but if daily magic use was to be forced upon me, I might as well make myself comfortable. Yes?
The view from one foot down was… disconcerting. Any extreme change to my body was like that, of course, but with this one, I got a good view of Oswin’s shocked surprise and Raimie’s wry grin.
Next came my hair. Slowly, I shifted the green in it down to my eyes, muting its red color to a darker shade, and once that was done, all that was left was to modify smaller items, like softening my cheekbones and shifting my eyes closer together. Little changes to perfect the painting I’d become.
Once everything was finished, I released a breath while shaking out my arms. Over the next few days, I’d have to practice my sword forms, getting used to the change in my reach, but that should be simple enough to accomplish.
“We’ll have to pick a new name for me too,” I distractedly said. “It should be something similar, otherwise the change might have one of you breaking my disguise. Ryvolim, maybe? I haven’t used that name in a while, and he was one of the few times I’ve been happy in life.”
Turning to Raimie, I raised an eyebrow.
“What do you think?” I said. “Is it human enough?”
Snorting, my friend nodded, but he got interrupted before he could say anything else.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Oswin shakily said. “You can change how you look? How have I never heard about this before? And… is this another application of Ele or something else?"
“It’s Eselan magic,” Raimie said with amusement.
Smirking, I added, “It’s called shape change, and of course you’ve never heard of it. We Esela keep this magic type under wraps, only sharing it with the Audish royal family in recent years. Humans tend to get fussy once they realize that the ‘inferior’ race can look like them.”
For a moment, Oswin was speechless, simply shaking his head, but soon enough, he was snorting with laughter.
“Alouin, that's such a useful skill,” he said. “I can’t even… it would help so much with what I do.”
“It has been rather handy, especially when I’ve had to infiltrate an enemy’s ranks in the past,” I said.
Chuckling, Oswin said, “I’ll bet.”
A knock on the door jarred us out of whatever strange sense of camaraderie had been forming, and at Raimie’s nod, Oswin moved to open it. For a heartbeat, I panicked, needing to get behind the door, before I remembered that I’d already assumed a shape change. Whoever was about to come through that door wouldn’t know who I was and subsequently, wouldn’t freak out about the dead-man-walking that I’d become.
I really needed to address that anxiety of mine at some point.
A nameless soldier soon came inside, scanning the room as he did. His eyes briefly lingered on me, but considering how quickly he moved on to his king, I assumed he’d been merely curious about the stranger in the room.
“Excuse me, sir,” he said. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but I have the report you requested.”
Report? Report on what?
“Oh, good!” Raimie said. “Please, tell me what you’ve learned.”
“First, we’ve finished debriefing this fort’s former Overseer,” the soldier said. “Someone’s writing those proceedings up for you, so you should have the information we learned soon.”
Shifting in place, the soldier took a breath before pausing. He looked away, swallowing a few times before he could speak again.
“Second, the incident from last night has been contained. The three men who attacked… your friend were working on their own. For the moment, no one else is acting like they want to hurt him, although I suppose that doesn’t much matter now.”
As this man had been speaking, I’d had to hold myself perfectly still, hoping to disappear in the room. Drawing attention to myself right now would be bad.
Was this how Raimie had chosen to address the issue of the men he’d killed while helping me? By turning what had happened into a crime so he could investigate it?
It made sense, of a sort. Those people had assaulted me… I supposed. Unfortunately, I was so used to that sort of thing happening that I was surprised others might consider it a crime.
“Good. I’m glad to hear it,” Raimie said, “but come. You shouldn’t feel-”
Jerking his head up, the nameless soldier blurted, “Forgive me, sir, but I was wondering if I could make a request of you.”
Raimie blinked for a moment before nodding.
“Of course you can.”
His easy acquiescence seemed to have made the soldier uncomfortable, given how much the man was shuffling in place.
“During the battle on the beach, I was one of the people who served as a distraction for our main cohort,” he said. “I… or rather we—those of us Rhylix saved—would like to know what you’re planning to do with his- his body. If you mean to hold a memorial for him, we want to be there. He deserves to be honored.”
I could swear my breath had been knocked out of my body. How…? When had the world changed around me?
I hadn’t thought my actions over this cycle had been enough to overcome people’s typical fear and revulsion of primeancers. With those feelings so deeply entrenched in the world’s populace, changing them was usually impossible, and yet, here was proof that maybe this time, I’d been wrong.
With a gruff voice, Raimie said, “You’re right. Rhylix certainly deserves any honor that you would like to bestow. But!”
Moving forward, he rested a hand on the soldier’s shoulder.
“I won’t be in charge of his memorial. That job will fall to Ren, his sister, and anyone else she wants to include in the process,” he said. “In fact, the man who will be transporting Rhylix’s body to her is with us now.”
As he waved at me, I fought off a shiver of appreciation. That had been a masterful manipulation of the truth.
“Honestly, though, my advice is for you to honor Rhylix in whatever way you think best,” Raimie continued. “You don’t need a body for that, not when he wouldn’t be in it. For now, Rhylix exists here—”
He nudged the soldier’s forehead.
“—in your memories.”
Coughing, the soldier had to clear his throat a few times before he could reply.
“Thank you, sir. We’ll do just that.”
With a grin, Raimie patted his shoulder.
“Whatever you and your friends end up doing, make sure you invite me,” he said. “I’d love to join you.”
“We- we wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise,” the soldier said.
“Good!” Raimie said, clapping his hands together. “Now. Was there anything else? I should finish briefing Ryvolim here about what’s needed from him. Given how little we have on hand for preserving bodies right now, he has quite the task in front of him if he’s to reach Ren in time.”
…What-?
“No, no. That was all,” the nameless soldier said. “Except… as you’re probably aware, the Zrelnach’s commander, Gistrick, arrived earlier this afternoon. He asked me to tell you that he and his people are ready to take over here. Something about you—and I’m quoting here, sir—‘getting on with the next phase of this ridiculous plan’.”
At that, Raimie huffed.
“He would put it like that,” he said. “Thank you for letting me know, Dravenik. If there’s nothing else, you’re dismissed.”
When he heard his name, the soldier’s eyebrows shot for his hairline, and he hurried to salute.
“As you say, sir,” he said.
But then, he left the room, moving so fast that it had Oswin chuckling.
“I don’t think they like you knowing their names,” he said.
Making a face, Raimie said, “Well, that’s too bad. I can’t help learning them, and if my soldiers insist on calling me ‘sir’ and ‘Your Majesty’, they can deal with me using their own damn names.”
“I’m sure they’ll get used to it soon enough,” I said. “Can we go back a little, though? You mentioned something about preserving bodies a minute ago, presumably in reference to how quickly they tend to rot. And what was that about Gistrick arriving earlier today?”
So far as I’d been aware, he shouldn't have arrived until tomorrow morning. Had I missed something?
Shifting in place, Raimie and Oswin exchanged an uneasy glance before my friend made a face.
“It’s like I said earlier, Rhy. You were ‘dead’ for a little less than a day, which means it’s almost nighttime again,” he said. “Remember? I did mention that, right?”
He looked to Oswin for confirmation, but I barely registered the spy’s nod. Turning on Creation, still hovering in a corner, I lifted an eyebrow.
“A little less than a day?” I said.
That was an unprecedentedly long time for Ele to keep from Restoring my body. Unless a delay like that was planned way ahead of time, I was usually back on the physical plane within a couple of minutes.
Shrinking on themselves, Creation said, “There have been some problems with… things recently. In the whole, I mean. I’ve been meaning to tell you about it for a while now but…”
Trailing off, they shrugged, and I narrowed my eyes at them.
“Yes, that seems like something I should have known about,” I said.
If I was unaware of shifts in the Eternal War, no matter how slight, then my ability to accomplish Ele’s purpose for me got compromised. I doubted the primal force wanted that to happen, meaning Creations should have already told me about these supposed ‘problems’.
They seemed to know what I was thinking because they shot a hand up to stop me from speaking.
“We can discuss it later,” they said. “When you’re not around them.”
Creation gestured at Oswin and Raimie, who were curiously watching me, and sighing, I nodded.
“Fair enough,” I said before turning my attention to the other two people in the room. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so distracted.”
“It’s fine, Rhy,” Raimie drawled, cautiously eyeing me. “Given everything that’s happened in the last day, it makes sense that you’d need to discuss things with your splinter. And you know… if you need a moment to just breathe, you can have that too.”
I was a little tense and if that stress was showing enough for Raimie to notice it…
Damn. I hadn’t meant to worry my friend.
“Is that what he was doing?” Oswin said. “Talking to his Ele splinter?”
As Raimie nodded, I sharply glanced at the spy. How much did he know about primeancy? Sure, the fact that primeancers usually had a splinter hanging around them was common knowledge. But still.
And speaking of the spy…
“Now that we’ve established how we’ll handle my apparent death, there’s only one other issue to address,” I said. “Oswin. Can you keep this secret? I don’t want to go through an annoying amount of magic use, along with its associated energy drain, if my cover could get blown by a slip of the tongue.”
Oswin let loose a single laugh.
“You’ll have more of a problem with that from Raimie than me,” he said. “No offense meant, sir. I know you wouldn’t endanger your friend by doing something so careless.”
“No offense taken,” Raimie said.
The spy’s assertion had done little to reassure me, and I had to be perfectly clear on this point. With how hectic life was about to become, I couldn’t deal with juggling another shift in name and personality on top of everything else.
“Are you sure about that?” I said. “Keeping secrets can be-”
“Rhy, stop,” Raimie said. “He’s a spy, remember? Keeping secrets is part of his job.”
And wasn’t that a terrifying thought?
“But if it’ll make you feel better…”
Turning to face Oswin, Raimie glanced back at me.
“Are you paying attention?” he asked.
When I inclined my head, he turned solemn, putting all of his focus on the spy in our midst.
“Oswin. What we’ve discussed in this room, including Rhylix’s many abilities and the way we intend to hide them, is privileged information,” he said. “You should consider it as highly sensitive as the most prized of state secrets. This, your king commands. Understood?”
Oswin snapped into a bow.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.
And even if I couldn’t see his face, I knew Raimie was wincing.
“Get up!” he snapped. “There’s no need for that. Let’s move on with the day.”
Rising, Oswin smirked at my friend.
“Of course… Your Majesty,” he said.
“Alouin, your snark knows no bounds, does it?” Raimie said.
He was still rolling his eyes when he faced me.
“Satisfied?” he said.
“Supremely.”
After all, there wasn’t much more I could do to ensure Oswin’s silence.
“So glad my trustworthiness has been established,” the spy drawled.
Which made me wince. Much as I might have needed to draw this line in the sand, for my own safety, it probably hadn’t helped with improving Oswin’s disposition toward me.
“Is that it, then?” he continued. “We cover up a giant internal issue as best we can, and Rhyli… Ryvolim pretends to be human for a while?”
“At least until things have calmed down, yes,” I said. “Maybe once that happens, Rhylix can make a return, but for now, this is the best solution I have for the problem.”
Sighing, Oswin rested his hands on his hips with his head bowed.
“All right. I’ll sell the story as best I can,” he said, “but in the meantime, we all have things to do. Now that Da’kul is secure, we should return to Tiro as quickly as possible so we can get ahead of any rumors that might form, and before we can leave, I’ll need to brief my subordinates about this and their next assignments. I’m sure the two of you have things to do as well.”
“Unfortunately,” Raimie said. “Now that chaos has started back up again, it unlikely to relent anytime soon.”
“Such is life,” I said. “If you’ll remember, I did warn you about this, not too long ago in fact.”
At my friend’s groan, I shot him a silly grin.
“Yeah, you’re right,” he said, “but anyway. Let’s get our shit done, and then, it’s time to go home. Yes?”
I didn’t know if I’d call Tiro home but…
“Yes, let’s leave this place.”
Chapter 11: Victorious Return
Raimie
The great stone doors of Tiro cracked open loudly in the forest’s quiet, and on seeing the city peeking from in between them, I grinned at Rhylix… or Ryvolim, I supposed. He smiled back before heading toward the opening, but I couldn’t blame him for his rush. My friend had a difficult task to accomplish today: reaching Ren before she heard about his death, and I wished him luck with it.
I was surprised that she wasn’t here to greet us. Ren had put up such a fuss about us capturing Da’kul without her, so I’d expected that she’d be waiting when we returned, eager to chew us out again. Honestly, I’d kind of been looking forward to it.
Not to her berating me, of course. That sort of thing was never fun, but I did like watching her face when she was exasperated. She got so expressive sometimes, a fascinating picture to watch.
Besides, her exasperation this time hadn't been coming from a place of spite or hate. It had been born out of worry, both for her brother and for me.
That last fact still surprised me at times.
Why should it? came from the depths of me. You two have been NAUSEATING over the last few months, despite Oswin’s warnings. By now, it should be obvious that she cares for you.
Chuckling, I hurried after… Ryvolim with said spy trailing me.
Yes, I said. Doesn’t change the fact that it surprises me.
As I passed through the doors, they creaked closed behind me, which made me wince. Tiro looked the same as always: cramped, worn-down and yet, oh-so-wonderful. True, I’d learned how much I disliked close-quarters over the last two months, spent in this city, but even now, the ingenuity that had created this place helped to alleviate my crawling skin while here.
Still. It wouldn’t be long before I was itching to climb the lattice that hid this city from view, there to feel the free air and spend a few moments watching the stars. I’d spent enough time there over the winter, clearing off the snow gathered on it, and while completing that chore for Tiro hadn’t helped much when it came to its citizens’ disposition toward me, it had made them slightly less… antagonistic.
My victory on the beach earlier in the fall had probably helped with that as well.
None of that was to say that Tiro’s citizens hated me, not anymore. For the moment, they’d settled into neutral indifference and honestly? I was fine with that.
For now, I had other things to do than enjoy a moment of solitude on the terrace above or struggle through social interactions with barely amicable semi-strangers. As quickly as possible, I made my way to Tiro’s main square, where my people had been camping over the winter. While walking among them, soldiers occasionally called out greetings to me or Oswin, all of which we returned.
They looked all right. I’d been worried that Tanwadur, Tiro’s leader, would renege on our agreement about feeding my people while I was away, but everyone here looked well-fed, if cold. Winter’s chill had yet to break, even with the snow slowly melting, so everywhere I looked, people were heavily bundled up, and many fires had been built between the tents in the square.
I am glad to see our big family so healthy and content, Nylion whispered in my head, although if Tanwadur had broken his promise, it would have shocked me. Much as I do not like him, I have to admit that he seems too caught up in maintaining his reputation to do such a thing. It is good to see that my assessment was not wrong.
Mmm, was all I said back.
I didn’t know why Nylion was so confident about Tanwadur staying in line. To me, that man had always read as shifty, but still, I trusted my other half. He’d always been better than me at noticing danger, especially when it came from other people, so if he said Tanwadur could be trusted, I did my best to believe him.
Still, I hadn’t left myself open for him to stab me in the back. That possibility was one of the reasons I’d asked Ren to stay here, rather than having her join us in Da’kul. I’d needed someone I trusted in place, watching a possible source of danger for me.
You probably should have told her that. She may love Tanwadur like a father, but even she will admit that he does not like you very much, Nylion said. I am not criticizing you about that, mind you! I am merely… commenting.
With a snort, I shook my head because he was right. I should have told Ren why I was leaving her behind, but with how hectic things had gotten before we’d left for Da’kul, it had slipped my mind.
Oh, well. Maybe I could explain it to her when I saw her later.
You will have to get through the next hour before doing that, Nylion said. Have you decided what you will tell… them?
As always, a pinch of heated dislike splashed from my other half when he mentioned Eledis and my father, but in the last few months, I’d learned to ignore the sensation, if only because Nylion insisted that I do so. While I’d love to know why he didn’t like my family, respecting his wishes had always, in everything, come first for me.
Not sure yet, I said. I’d like to see what they know about… things first.
I was trying not to think about said ‘things’. With me having gone elsewhere at the time—which was a worrying incident all around—Nylion might have been the one to find Rhylix after he’d been attacked, but if I thought too hard about those events, flashes of images from those horrible moments leaked through to me, no matter how much Nylion resisted it. I knew he wanted to shield me from what had happened, but apparently, something about it had badly distressed him too, which had me reluctant to remind him of it.
And of course, I didn’t want to remember it for myself as well.
Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be able to keep avoiding this for long. As I approached Tanwadur’s home, where he'd given my family a room to share, I tried to figure out how I’d explain… things without saying anything.
You know that will not be possible, Nylion said. I will be fine, heart of my heart. Do not use me to avoid the problem.
Yeah, I know.
Shaking my head, I rested my hand on the house’s front door, but I couldn’t make myself push it open. For what felt like forever, I was stuck there, struggling with what the hell I should do, but soon enough, someone laid their hand on my shoulder.
“Whatever you tell your family, I’ll back you up, sir. You have an ally in this.”
Oswin. That was right.
Glancing back at him, I smiled, even if it felt crooked.
“Thanks,” I said. “Let’s get this over with.”
When I walked into my family’s room, my father and Eledis were there, thank the gods, and to my great surprise, so was Marcuset, sitting on a stool in the corner. His presence might be a good thing, though. Maybe I’d only have to go through one unavoidably awkward conversation today.
“Raimie! You’re back,” my father said.
After fighting to get off of his bed, he shuffled to me, and as he wrapped me in a hug, I ignored the faint surge of curdled heat coming from Nylion. Pulling away from me, my father grinned, keeping a tight grip on my arms.
“We heard all about your success from the returning soldiers!” he said. “Taking Da’kul with only two hundred. Who’d have thought it was possible?”
Us. We did, Nylion grumbled inside.
With a half-smile, I ducked my head.
“I wasn’t so sure about it myself,” I said. “Thank you, all of you, for trusting me enough to let me try it.”
In his corner, Marcuset shrugged.
“It wasn’t that hard to do. You have yet to steer us wrong,” he said.
At that, I fought to keep my face neutral. Sure, Marcuset might say such encouraging things, but I knew how shaky our relationship had been since the battle on the beach. The risk I’d taken in ‘throwing away our soldiers’ lives’—as the commander had once put it—had been hovering over us in the months since.
Given that, I was grateful for Oswin’s silent presence at my shoulder.
Yes, he is our ally, like he said, Nylion whispered. Always remember that. With him here, we are safe.
That’s right, I said.
No matter how much I hated having a bodyguard, I knew Oswin wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
To this point, Eledis had remained silent, focused on the paper in his hands, and I briefly wondered if it was the report I’d had drafted about our efforts at Da’kul. His lack of even the simplest of greetings didn’t surprise me, though. Much as I might love my grandfather, he’d never been the most affectionate of people.
But I should get into the issue I’d come here to address. Hopefully, I could bring up this subject as delicately as it would require.
Clearing my throat, I said, “There’s something we should-”
As if waiting for that exact moment, Eledis grunted, lowering the report to glance at me.
“What’s this I’m reading about you killing three of the soldiers under your command?” he asked.
…Or he could come right out and say it.
Stiffening, my father dropped his hold on me while Marcuset reared back on his stool.
“You did what?” he said in a strangled voice.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I took a moment to rub my face.
“It was a bit more complicated than just ‘killing them’,” I said through my hands. “Maybe you should finish reading about that incident before making any judgments, Eledis.”
Since he’d brought it up so abruptly, I’d let my grandfather take over with explaining what had happened. Right now, I was fighting too much against a need to throw up to do the same.
I knew Nylion had only done what he must when it came to protecting Rhylix. He’d never have killed those men if he’d had another choice, and I certainly didn’t blame him for it, but still, I hated having more deaths on my conscience.
One would think that after a battle, where I’d ended far too many lives, I’d be used to this sort of violence, but… I wasn’t. I really, really wasn’t.
After only a few tense moments, Eledis said, “Ah.”
Lowering the report, he eyed me appraisingly, and when nothing else came from him, Marcuset clicked his tongue.
“Let me see that,” he said, snatching the paper out of Eledis’ hands.
As he read over what my grandfather had finished, I did my best to ignore how still my father had gone. At my side, he was watching me like I was a monster.
Or no. That wasn’t disgust in his eyes. It was… fear, maybe? Wariness? I wasn’t sure of the best word to describe it.
Marcuset soon finished, choking out a cough as he did, and in his distraction, Eledis took the chance to steal the report back.
“Raimie…” the commander said. “I’m so sorry.
Well, that didn’t feel good. Why did his sympathy feel like acid, burning through me?
“Would someone please tell me what the hell happened?” my father snapped.
Right. I should do that. At the least, it looked like no one else would tackle the task.
“The incident in question occurred after the fight to take Da’kul. That night, I ran across three soldiers attacking another person,” I said. “From what I could tell, they had every intention of beating this man to death, and I couldn’t let that happen. Unfortunately, by the time I arrived, the three soldiers had already been at it for quite a while, and I wasn’t sure how much time their victim had left. I- I badly wanted to save him, so with little time for anything else, I… killed them. That’s what happened.”
“I… see,” my father said.
He took a deep breath, letting tension leak from him, before shaking his head.
“Well, while I can understand what you did, you should have taken those men alive,” he said. “If you had, we could have held a tribunal, getting justice for the victim-”
“That wouldn’t have worked,” Eledis said. “In this incident, justice would never have been served.”
My father cocked his head at Eledis.
“What are you talking about?” he said. “You’ve always insisted that a military’s legal system was fair and just, and I’ve seen proof of that over the years. So, why would holding a tribunal for this incident have been any different?”
Carefully watching me, Marcuset said, “It wouldn’t have worked because of who the victim was.”
Gods, they were trying so hard to keep from saying his name. Was that meant for my benefit?
Even as my father’s eyebrows drew together in confusion, I said, “Rhylix, dad. The victim was Rhylix.”
My father jerked his head toward me with horror painted in his eyes.
“Oh, Raimie…” he said. “I- hell. I’m-”
“It’s fine,” I said, chopping a hand in front of my body.
I couldn’t take their sympathy, not when it was for something that hadn’t actually happened.
You are right. That part is disconcerting, to say the least, Nylion said. Still, I am enjoying this. It is nice to watch them squirm for once, even if that pleasure is small. I am not sure if it is a good look on the commander, though.
“In any case,” I said over my other half, “I didn’t kill those soldiers for sentimental reasons alone. Yes, anger was driving me, in part, because Rhylix is…was my friend. Of course I wanted to hurt the people killing him.”
For a heartbeat, I couldn’t continue, struggling with the simple task of breathing. Fire had closed my throat, stinging my eyes, and it took me a moment to swallow that heat.
You see why I did what I did, Nylion whispered. Even if it was in part, like you said.
Of course I did. I didn’t think I could see it any other way.
Then, tell them the other reason for my violence.
“But I also acted out of concern for my own safety,” I made myself continue. “I’m already facing the threat of death from Doldimar and the many Enforcers under his command. I couldn’t add the possibility of people attacking me for my primeancy on top of that. Yes, people may only partially believe the tales of my magic at the moment, but that could change any day now. With such a great threat presented, I had to shower quick and terrible retribution on the soldiers who would harm my fellow primeancer, lest I face the same threat someday.”
For a moment, Marcuset, my father, and Eledis could only blink at me before the commander released a forced chuckle.
“An eminently practical reason for your actions, right alongside the sentimental,” he said. “That’s very you.”
I didn’t know about that.
“Yes, well. As I said, that’s what happened,” I said, badly wanting to move on, “and it’s why I came here first after arriving. I figured each of you would want an explanation, but unless you have other questions for me about our takeover of Da’kul, I’d like to take care of a few personal matters. May I go or…?”
“Please,” Marcuset said. “I’m sure you need time-”
Never looking up from his continued perusal of the report, Eledis said, “I’m curious about why you left Da’kul’s Overseer alive. Mind explaining that before you go traipsing off elsewhere?”
Oh, gods. Seriously? Eledis might definitely be where I’d gotten my lack of social graces from, but even he had to see what a mistake he’d made in delaying someone who was ‘grieving’ from handling their shit.
Or had it been a mistake? I wasn’t really grieving, and I should probably finish explaining myself to these people, right? They might need the knowledge I possessed to make further plans, and they were certainly better at seeing the logistics of the things I’d done. I could use the feedback.
Right?
Raimie. That is patently- Nylion started.
“If you find it acceptable, sir, I’d be more than happy to finish our story for the last few days,” Oswin said. “As soon as I found you after the battle, I was by your side for the rest of our time in Da’kul. So, I can answer any questions your father or the commander may have, and one of my subordinates should be nearby. She can take over my bodyguard duties while I’m indisposed.”
Right. Oswin. How had I forgotten he was here? Granted, being forgettable was part of his job at times…
But still.
Slowly, I let myself relax, turning to the spy as I did.
“Thank you,” I whispered before raising my voice. “Oswin will take it from here.”
And I left.
Chapter 12: Her Misconception
Raimie
I didn’t stop for any other pleasantries with my family. Storming through the door, I was out of the house faster than I’d thought possible, fighting to keep my breathing under control.
Gods, why had that been so difficult?
You HAVE been avoiding even thinking about what happened at the fort, heart of my heart. Remember? Nylion said. And I do not think that the emotional fallout of Rhylix’s death and everything else we experienced has finished settling as well. You have been acting… strangely today.
That was fair. Definitely fair. Incredibly fair.
Alouin, how did I stop my heart from beating out of my chest? Was this- was this a panic attack? Why would I-?
Did I not just answer that question? Nylion sighed. As for fixing it, you have one person who is good at calming you down. Yes?
Yes. Yes, I did. I should-
-go see Ren, Nylion said. Please, do that.
But where would she be?
How should I know? I am not usually around when you two are together. I do not…
A sigh rattled inside my head.
Where do you and Ren typically spend time together?
Outside Tiro. In the snow. Having snowball fights and taking walks through a deeply hushed wood. In her home, wrapped in our separate cocoons of blankets while our clothes dried by the fire. Sparring in Tiro’s training yard. Drinking at Sigemond’s-
That is probably the best place to start, yes? A tavern keeper is likely to know a city’s latest news and happenings, after all.
…Not all the time, but Nylion was still right. The tavern wasn’t a bad place to look for Ren.
Shaking myself, I oriented to where I was in Tiro. How had I gotten halfway across the city while I’d been stuck in my head?
My fault, Nylion whispered with his voice getting fainter. Walking tends to keep you from getting buried deeper inside.
I… had not known that.
But I had somewhere to be.
When I reached Sigemond’s tavern, I’d started feeling less muddled. My head still had way too much fog in it, but I could actually register things in the real world again.
Hell. I hadn’t gotten that drawn back into my own head since I was a little boy. Rhylix’s supposed death must have truly messed with me.
Which made sense. Him ‘dying’ and me having to live the double life of that being both a truth and a lie was reminiscent of—
“Raimie! Gud to see yu!”
With a start, I located the man who’d been yelling for my attention, smiling when I caught sight of him behind his bar. As I came closer, Sigemond waved the rag that he’d been using to clean glasses over his head.
“Hey, Siggy,” I said. “Have you seen Ren?”
“Oh, ho! Raid must have gone gud if first thing yu ask after is woman,” Sigemond said, chuckling. “That’s wut I hear tell anyway. Gud sign, taking a fort on yur first time out.”
Flushing, I ducked my head.
“Thanks, I think,” I said. “But what I was asking about. Ren?”
“Right, right,” Sigemond said. “I seen her going to gate. She seemed… how yu say… upset. Might be careful seeing her.”
Oh, damn. Had Rhylix not gotten to her in time?
Grimacing, I said, “Thanks.”
I knocked on the bar top, meaning to leave, but Sigemond caught my wrist before I could go.
“Hurd tell also about yur friend,” he said. “So sorry, little Raimie. Drinks waiting for yu, next time you’re here.”
“…Thanks,” I somehow managed to say.
But then, I pulled away from an unwelcome grip, barely keeping from stumbling to the door. Once I was through it, I pulled Ele to me, running for Tiro’s gate. If Ren thought her brother was dead for even a single second, I didn’t know what I’d do with myself.
I reached my goal in record time, racing up the tower that housed the gate’s machinery. Gears and rods and pulleys passed by me in a flash, but once I’d reached the top, I had to stop short, nearly running into Rhy… Ryvolim.
With his attention fixed on something outside a nearby opening, my friend dragged his gaze toward me, and the horror in his eyes!
Swallowing hard, he said, “Help.”
When I glanced around him, I winced, knowing exactly why he seemed so distressed. Ren was sitting between the lip of Tiro’s concealing terrace and the edge of its great stone doors, near the crease where the two met. With a clay mug in her hand, she was drinking deeply from it, and as she tilted backward to get a last drop, she nearly tumbled off of her perch, which had Ryvolim making a pained noise.
I wasn’t as worried about Ren’s seeming unsteadiness. I’d been around her when she’d been drunk before, so I knew she wasn’t likely to lose her sense of balance to a little bit of alcohol.
Still, I was careful as I climbed through the tower’s opening, and as I tested my weight on the top of the doors, I firmly met Ryvolim’s gaze.
“I may be going first,” I said, “but you’d better be coming right after me.”
He silently nodded, and releasing a heavy sigh, I faced a wonderful wreck of a woman. When I reached her, she glanced up with tear tracks glistening on her face.
“Is it true, Raimie?” she softly asked. “Is my brother dead?”
Godsdamnit. I’d really hoped to keep this from happening, but I supposed that hope wasn’t to be.
How did I fix it?
“There was an… incident,” I started, “but Ren-”
With her face screwing up, Ren flinched away, slapping her hands to her mouth to cover a sob.
“Alouin, I knew it!” she cried. “He is… was always so fucking CLUELESS when it came to his own safety. I knew you’d need me in Da’kul to help with that but no. I had to stay here, being absolutely useless.”
“Don’t you dare say that,” I said. “You’re anything but useless, Ren. I needed you here-”
Having seemingly not heard a word I’d said, Ren jerked back toward me with her teeth bared.
“Did you kill the bastards who hurt him?” she snapped. “Tell me you made them suffer.”
Damnit. Damn, damn, damn.
“They’re gone, yes,” I said. “Ren, please. I need to-”
“Good!” Ren shouted. “I’m glad!”
For the love of the gods, I knew this woman was hurting. I knew that was partially my fault, but if she’d let me explain myself, maybe I could ease her pain.
“Ren,” I firmly said. “I need you to meet someone. This is Ryvolim.”
As I waved my friend forward, Ren made a face.
“I’m not up for meeting strangers right-” she started.
“Listen to me,” I said. “This is Ryvolim. Ryvolim.”
Blearily staring at me, Ren tried to take another swig from her drink, glaring at it when she found it empty, but as soon as my words actually registered in her head, she lost her grip on the mug. It splintered into pieces on the ground while she scrambled to her feet.
“Ryvolim?” she breathed. “Are you telling me-?”
Reaching around me, Ryvolim laid a hand full of light on his sister’s cheek, and after a shocked beat, she burst into tears.
“Hey, hey!” Ryvolim said. “It’s ok! I’m ok.”
“You big jerk!” Ren said, smacking his arm. “I thought you were dead!”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Ok…
“Much as I’m happy to see you two reunited, can we put this greeting on pause for a moment?” I said. “I’d rather not get stuck between you when you eventually decide to hug.”
Laughing, Ren swiped at her face.
“That’s fair,” she said. “After you, dead man.”
When she waved at the tower that Ryvolim and I had left behind, he snorted, starting back toward it, but before I could follow, Ren caught my wrist.
Glancing up at me, she said, “You kept him safe?”
With a half-smile, I gently finagled my wrist out of her hold.
“I don’t know about that,” I said. “Your brother’s pretty good at keeping himself alive.”
True. Technically true.
“Always so modest,” Ren softly said.
She reached up to brush my jaw before slowly leaning forward, giving me time to prepare. It was a dance we’d learned well over the last few months, so when she eventually touched her lips to mine, I was ready for the brief wave of revulsion and too-tight-skin that rolled over me. I could endure it for the two seconds it took to fade before leaning into the kiss.
Gods, this was everything I’d ever wanted from her. She was warmth and light and comfort and safety, and kissing her always felt so good. Right.
But she had a brother, briefly thought dead, to greet.
When I pulled away, I took her hand, squeezing it to let her know we were all right, before getting us back to somewhat stable footing. As soon as I was through the tower’s opening, I stepped aside, letting Ren collapse on her brother, and while watching them hug, I noted my return to a clear-headed state. How did Ren always manage to do that for me?
Well. She almost always did that. Sometimes, I got weirdly antsy around her, and that could summon mind fog and other disorienting sensations, but almost all of the time, she’d been a calm harbor in the storm my life had become.
And I’d only known her for a few months. Shouldn’t reaching such a sense of security with her have taken longer? I tried not to think about that for very long.
Soon enough, the siblings pulled apart, and meeting my eyes, Ryvolim… wiggled his eyebrows at me. Which was weird and distinctly not like him.
“Shall we get drinks?” he said. “Celebrate our victory?”
“And you not being dead?” Ren said. “That sounds great.”
It seemed I’d been overruled without once stating my preferences.
But I was ok with that. I liked the idea of being with my friends while they celebrated Ryvolim’s survival.
Smiling, I gestured toward the tower’s stairs.
“After you.”
Chapter 13: Her Brother
Raimie
The world had taken on a slight haze. At my side, Ryvolim was happily chattering about our initial adventure in Da’kul, and I half-listened until he started raising his volume.
“And then- then, this asshole asked for my lock picks-” he practically shouted.
And I drove an elbow into his side, unsure if something with less force would shut him up.
“Maybe we should keep it down about that part?” I softly said.
After all, Ryvolim hadn’t been the one who’d helped me crack Da’kul open. That had been Rhylix, and after the hell my friend had raised about making sure Oswin and I maintained his cover, I wouldn’t let him blow it on his own.
Ryvolim merely smiled at me.
“Good point,” he said.
I couldn’t tell if he was actually drunk or not. Every so often, he pulled stupid shit like this, but I’d seen a few glimpsed clues that his drunken behavior might be an act. When Ren had nearly fallen on her face while bringing us drinks earlier, Ryvolim had been there to catch her before I’d even noticed that she’d tripped, and when someone had come lumbering over, as if to provoke us into a fight, my friend had fixed them with a stone-cold look, making them hastily retreat before Oswin could move to intercept.
Whether he was drunk or not, my friend was concerning me in other ways. Ever since Da’kul, he’d been chipper, which was strange. Other than the first conversation I’d held with him, back in Allanovian, Rhylix had always been somber, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
And this was not reflected in Ryvolim’s recent behavior.
Had his last death affected him that much? Or was this a mask he was raising to support his cover?
I was considering this, wondering whether I should get Nylion’s opinion on it, when someone with their face wrapped in cloth strips entered the tavern. As soon as I saw them, I huffed, barely keeping from rolling my eyes.
I’d seen these people often enough in the last few months, and always, they’d come to retrieve Ren at the most inconvenient of times. I assumed they had something to do with her job in Tiro, but to date, she’d been cagey enough about that to keep me from learning what it was.
Even reluctant as I was for this person to interrupt our celebration, I nudged Ren, nodding toward them. Whoever they were, they’d come over here soon enough, and I’d learned it was best if I didn’t delay that from happening.
With a groan, Ren raised a hand to get the stranger’s attention, and they headed toward us. Once they’d gotten close enough, they leaned down to whisper in Ren’s ear, which quickly had her stiffening.
“Really?” she said, jerking her head toward the stranger. “He’s back?”
At the stranger’s nod, Ren grabbed her drink, knocking it back.
“Sorry, you two,” she said. “Something’s come up, and I should take care of it.”
“Anything we can help with?” Ryvolim asked before I could.
Chuckling, Ren gathered her things while scooting to the end of our bench.
“I doubt it, but don’t worry,” she said. “My friend here has told me that Kylorian’s come home, so I’m going to say hello. That’s all.”
Kylorian. Since the battle on the beach, I’d heard a lot about Ren’s adoptive older brother, all of it good, but I had yet to meet him. Before I’d arrived in Tiro, he’d left this place, off on a goodwill mission across Auden. I wasn’t sure what the specifics of this mission were, but given what I’d heard about his exploits—things like rescuing people from towns slated for Harvest or helping villages gather supplies for Doldimar’s ‘tithes’—I knew that he’d been doing impressive work over the winter, wherever he’d been.
In the days since the snow had started melting, I might have been anticipating a meeting with this vaunted figure.
Maybe.
So, as Ren got up to leave, I lifted a finger off of the table.
“Any chance I could come with you?” I asked.
Pausing, Ren looked back at me with a frown.
“Hmm, I don’t…”
But she must have seen how much I wanted to meet her brother because she grimaced.
“Yeah, ok,” she said. “But you can’t breathe a word about your family, Raimie. You have to promise me. Kylorian probably won’t hate you for it, but there are things about who you are that might bother him. We have to be careful with how he learns about it.”
Interesting.
“I can agree to that,” I said.
“Then, let’s go,” Ren said. “Rhy, can you settle our tab?”
Slowly blinking, Ryvolim glanced over the cluttered table before pulling out his empty pockets.
“With what coin?” he drawled.
Rolling her eyes, Ren retrieved a few chits, slamming them on the table, but she had no further words for her brother. Gesturing to me, she led the way outside.
We were quiet as we strolled toward Tiro’s gate, although Ren grabbed my hand at some point. For once, I didn’t mind the contact, enjoying the sway of our joined hands between us. I could even ignore Oswin, skulking in our wake.
When we arrived, the stone doors were already opened with a handful of people trickling through them. Seeing this group, I slowed down, releasing Ren as she hurried forward.
Something about these people… it made me so sad, although I didn’t know why that was the case. Maybe it had to do with their hanging heads or how wearily they trudged down the street or how much their bearing screamed of defeat. I wished I could help them, but I wasn’t sure I could.
When Ren picked up her pace toward the gate, it pulled my attention away from that depressing sight. Shrieking with laughter, she rushed at the man who’d most recently stepped through the stone doors, and at her impact with him, he rocked back before wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair.
Was I allowed to interrupt this greeting? Oswin had disappeared, so I couldn’t ask him. Instead, I hovered in place, unsure of what to do, until Ren pulled away, waving at me.
As I started toward the two, I took in the man’s dark hair and blue eyes, noting a well-defined physique and the stiff way he was holding himself, and something about the sight sparked recognition in me. It wasn’t the same burst of knowing that I’d had about certain people or places in the past, but still, something about this man seemed familiar.
Where have we seen him before? Nylion said in a rush. I could swear…
He stopped for a breath before ruefully continuing.
I see why your strange spats of recognition from before have been so disconcerting.
It’s weird, right? I said. I’m glad you’re here, though. What do you think? Anything I should be looking out for with this one?
After a pause, Nylion said, I am not sure. Maybe you should have your Dim-
But it was too late for him to say anything more.
With an uncertain grin, the man said, “And who’s this, Ren?”
Chuckling, Ren pulled herself out of his hug, although she left an arm slung around his waist.
“This is Raimie,” she said. “My new… friend.”
Friend? Nylion said, almost incredulously. Since when have your varied activities with her been considered merely friendly?
My own, planned introduction got wiped away, and I barely kept from frowning.
…What else would we be, besides good friends? I said.
Friends who KISS? Nylion said. That is… gods, I cannot keep avoiding having That Conversation with you, can I? Damn our father for not doing it himself.
What conversation? I said.
“Good to meet you, Raimie.”
As the new man smiled at me, I forced myself out of my thoughts, remembering at the last second to keep my hand lowered. People in Auden didn’t do handshakes.
“Same to you,” I said, unsure if I should add anything else.
After an awkward pause, the man said, “Well, I’m Kylorian. Ren may have told you about me?”
That made me laugh.
“Yeah, her hero brother may have come up on occasion,” I said.
Rolling her eyes, Ren backhanded my chest.
“Ignore him, Ky,” she said. “So? Do I get to know how your last few months have gone?”
“Yes… at some point,” he said. “When we’re a little more secluded, perhaps?”
Almost unintentionally, he darted his eyes my way, but I didn’t let his rather apparent suspicion phase me. The man had just met me. Of course he didn’t trust me with the results of his ‘secret mission’.
“I can go?” I hesitantly said.
Half-turning away, I jerked a thumb over my shoulder.
“I’m sure there’s something that requires my attention,” I said. “Besides, you two haven’t seen each other in a while. It makes sense that you’d want some privacy. I only came with Ren to introduce myself. I’ve been wanting to meet you for some time now, but now that that’s done, I should probably let you two talk.”
“That might be best, yes,” Kylorian said. “Sorry for the imposition. And thanks!”
He shot a sheepish grin at me, which had the same sense of familiarity punching me in the face.
“Maybe we can have a more in-depth conversation later, though? As you probably know, Ren doesn’t make friends easily, so anyone who’s caught her fancy is someone I’d like to know,” he continued. “We could get a drink, if you like, and maybe Had-had and Ren could join us.”
What a nice idea. There was far too much warmth building in my chest at the idea, so I hoped I wasn’t gushing as I said.
“That would be lovely. We should work out the details later, though. I don’t want to take up more of-”
Before I could finish with my goodbye, Ren huffed.
“Seriously, Ky?” she says. “Raimie’s completely trustworthy. I can guarantee that, so whatever you want to tell me, you can say in front of him too. Promise.”
Um. That had been… abrupt. And a little out of the blue.
Unexpected. I didn’t like it.
But I was glad that Ren thought I was trustworthy. With a hesitant smile, I reached over to squeeze her hand, which had Kylorian raising an eyebrow. So, I quickly let go.
“It’s fine!” I said. “Really. I have a few things-”
“Much as I might trust your judgment in a lot of things, Ren, your assessment of people has always been a little… subpar,” Kylorian said. “Or are we forgetting about Josenik?”
What… or I supposed who now?
Also. What was it with this family and interrupting me? First, it had been Ren and Ryvolim earlier, and now, it was these two.
Did- did you not hear what he said about your ‘friend’? Nylion whispered in the back of my head. His tone, heart of my heart… that was not meant to be read as kind, no matter how gently he is smiling now.
It hadn’t been?
Narrowing my eyes, I ran them over Ren, noting how much she’d shrunken on herself, and realized that Nylion had been right. As usual.
Seeing a chastened state on her stung. Could I do anything about it?
Hesitantly, I coughed into a fist, quirking a nervous smile when both of the siblings snapped their gazes to me.
“Look. It’s truly not a big deal for me to leave,” I said. “You two obviously need to talk, although…”
For a moment, I teetered in uncertainty before heaving a big sigh.
“I’m not trying to intrude with this. Maybe I’m even wrong to bring it up,” I said, “but Kylorian? I may not have known your sister as long, but in my experience, she’s always been an excellent judge of character. Whatever mistakes she’s made in the past shouldn’t reflect on her actions now, especially if she’s learned from them. But again, I’m not trying to judge or be an asshole. I’m simply making an observation.”
Kylorian had stiffened with his gaze turning sharp, and as he opened his mouth to reply, I winced in preparation of scathing words.
It was to my relief, then, that a familiar voice drifted to us from further down the street, turning us to it.
“Your Majesty!”
Except... oh, shit. Why the hell would Oswin have called me that? He’d been close by when Ren had told me not to talk about my family when around Kylorian. Shouldn’t he know better than to shout my annoying as hell title from the metaphorical rooftops?
But as the spy came to a stop beside us, puffing up a storm, I watched Kylorian’s hand slip off of his sword’s grip while a potently dismayed and confused look took hold of his face. Had he been about to attack me?
It is possible, Nylion said. I certainly sensed hostility from him for a moment, which confuses me. Up to that point, he seemed somewhat safe. But you should pay attention to Oswin, heart of my heart.
Yes, I should, preferably before my distracted state made me look like an idiot.
“What is it, Oswin?” I said.
Gasping to catch his breath, the spy rested one hand on his hip, flapping the other one at me.
“Nothing too serious,” he said, “but something has come up. I thought you’d like to address it before it becomes a problem.”
Really? Something had come up now, when I’d most needed help?
Gods. Sometimes, I almost wanted to kiss that spy. How did he always know which times were the best ones to step in?
Time to make my escape, though.
“All right. I’ll do that,” I said. “Thank you for bringing the issue to my attention.”
Turning to Ren and Kylorian, I bobbed into a short bow.
“Forgive me, but it seems I’m required elsewhere,” I said. “It was nice to meet you, Kylorian. I hope to see you again soon. Ren, we should talk later, yes?”
As she slowly nodded, Kylorian shook himself, as if to break free of shock.
“Yes, until next time,” he uncertainly said.
But then, I was free to follow Oswin. As soon as we’d rounded a corner, I released a held breath, slumping.
“I have no idea what just happened,” I said, “but it felt extremely strange.”
“Mm,” Oswin said.
We walked in silence for a while before I nudged him, forcing him to give me his attention.
“Thanks for getting me out of there,” I said.
“Of course, sir,” Oswin said. “It’s my job to get you out of any sticky situations you might fall into.”
He might have said that with the most sarcasm possible, but it only made me laugh. Unlike with Kylorian, I knew that Oswin’s criticism had come from a good place.
Unlike with Kylorian…
What do you think of him? I asked Nylion.
Unclear, Nylion said. We need more information.
And hopefully, we’d be able to get it soon. For now, though, my slightly tipsy self should probably find a bedroll before I could create another mess tonight.
As I quickened my pace, I passed Oswin, jostling him as I went, and when he yelped at me, I grinned, pulling Ele to me so I could leave him in my dust.
Chapter 14: Homecoming
Kylorian
I watched Ren’s new ‘friend’ run after his companion with my head cocked and disquiet roiling in my gut. Before, the blonde-haired one had come running down the street, shouting those two words, and my mind had spliced another time and place over the real world. I’d watched a younger me strut across a lantern-lit cavern while people on all sides smiled or whispered those same words, and then, Dury and then, Dury and then, Dury-
“Hey, you ok?”
Puffing out a shaky breath, I glanced at Ren with a half-smile before remembering what I’d just done. As soon as I had, that smile turned into a wince.
“How can you ask me that right now?” I said. “Hell, Ren. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up-”
Raising a hand, Ren nervously laughed.
“It’s all right!” she said. “Let’s forget it, yeah?”
And I was forced to agree with her. I knew how deep the wound of Josenik still ran in Ren, even years after he’d left her here with a problem to resolve, and more than that, I knew not to poke at another person’s sensitive spots. That lesson had been drilled into me over the years.
Instead, I crossed my arms, ruefully smiling at Ren.
“So, you made a friend, huh?” I said. “The notorious Terror of Da’kul made a friend. How’d that happen?”
Flushing, Ren started sputtering, which only made me smile more, before she backhanded my chest again.
“I can make friends as well as the next person, asshole! I simply choose not to,” she said with a huff. “Besides, you’re one to talk.”
“Fair enough.”
While she laughed, I glanced over my surroundings once more, taking in a wondrous sight for perhaps the thousandth time. It didn’t matter how many times I came home to this. It still managed to take my breath away.
Even still, there was that: the fact that this was home. I wondered when I’d get to escape it again.
“So, how’d it go?” Ren said, bouncing in place. “Since Raimie was kind enough to excuse himself from the conversation, are you going to tell me now?”
Right. That.
Ren took one look at my face, and her excitement dropped into nothing.
“Oh,” she softly said.
There was an awkward pause while I scrambled to figure out what to say, but then, Ren shook herself.
“Right. We’ll do the thing tonight, then. I’ll get Had-had. We’ll meet you in the usual place once you’re done, ok?” she said. “But you should go now. Get there before someone else can share the news.”
Alouin, I knew that but…
But she was right, and I could not argue against the truth right now, no matter how often I’d had to do that in the past.
Still, I took the time to squeeze Ren’s shoulder.
“It’ll only be a light scolding, same as always. You know that,” I said, “but yes. I’ll see you there.”
With a grin, Ren said, “All right. Good luck, Ky!”
Holding a hand over my head in farewell, I stayed fixed in place, watching Ren’s back until she was out of sight, but then, I slumped. I vigorously rubbed my face, trying to psych myself up before I had to make an anxiety-fueled walk, but as usual, that didn’t help me much. As I headed to Tiro’s city square, I could feel his presence looming over me, getting closer with every step I took, and it took much more energy than it should to ignore that imaginary sensation.
One good thing was sure to come before I ended this journey, though, and sure enough, when I stepped into the house and was greeted by a higher-pitched voice, I felt my shoulders lowering from my ears. When Eliade came into the foyer, she clasped her hands in front of her face, releasing a happy hum, before spreading her arms wide.
“Welcome home, Ky,” she said.
I hurried into her embrace, clutching her tight once there.
“Hi, mom,” I breathed into her hair.
After a moment, Eliade thrust me away, running her eyes up and down my frame.
“You look thinner,” she said, flicking her eyes up at me in accusation. “Have you been skipping meals again?”
With a nervous laugh, I rubbed the back of my neck, ignoring his voice growling about ‘proper figure’ and ‘having an imposing presence’ in my head.
“Maybe?” I said.
Clicking her tongue, Eliade said, “This is what happens when you get sent away for nearly four months.”
Sighing, she shook her head before pulling me into another hug.
“We’ve missed you.”
“And I’ve missed you,” I said before trailing off, waiting for her to speak her part of this tradition.
“Just as much as you’ve missed my cooking?” she obligingly said.
Solemnly nodding, I said, “Just so.”
“All right, all right.”
Releasing me, Eliade rested her hands on her hips while jerking her head into a nod.
“I’ll go make a basket full of treats for you and your siblings,” she said. “It’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen once you’re done with your father.”
Suppressing a shudder at the mention of him, I said, “Sounds great! Thanks, mom.”
Eliade spun in place, waving my thanks away as she did.
“It’s nothing, Ky. Now, get up those stairs. Can’t keep Dury waiting, now can we?”
No. No, we couldn’t.
As I headed up the stairs, I tried not to trudge, straightening my posture until it was impeccable. Almost automatically, my face settled into a neutral expression, and all the while, I was praying that Tanwadur would be in a good mood today or that he’d at least keep quiet during our conversation. I hated watching Eliade turn into the confused, not-there person that she became when her husband was in one of his ‘moods’. It was such a stark contrast to her typical personality, and every time he forced her into it, it pained me.
At the door to Tanwadur’s study, I took a steadying breath. After receiving an acknowledgment of my knock, I confidently pushed it open.
“Good evening, Dury!” I made myself cheerfully say. “I’m back from greater Auden and bring greetings from our fellow resistances.”
Sitting behind his desk, Tanwadur glanced up at me over the rims of his spectacles before breaking into a smile.
“Ky! How good to see you,” he boomed.
And again, my memory was spliced apart. For the briefest of moments, a younger me ran to the welcoming arms of his adoptive father, taking deep pulls of the room’s scent as he was cuddled beyond reason. The ghostly image drew a faint smile to my lips. Those had been the good days.
My present-day father strode through the image, coming to embrace me, and I tried to match the enthusiasm of his back pounding.
“You’re looking good, my boy!” he said as he backed off. “The road must have been treating you right.”
“That it has,” I said, “but still, I’m glad to be home.”
“I’m sure you are,” Tanwadur said before gesturing to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Come, come! Sit down. Let me get you a drink.”
‘That’s not necessary,’ stayed poised on my tongue for a half-second before I pushed it back down.
“Thank you, Dury,” I said instead.
I perched on my relegated chair in as relaxed of a manner as I could manage, waiting while Tanwadur messed with glasses and bottles on a bookcase’s shelf.
“So…” he said as he poured two drinks. “How has the rest of Auden been over this last, dreadful winter?”
Awe-inspiring, as usual. The people of Auden had always found love and joy and what safety they could, even in their constant struggle for survival, and that had been no less true over the last few months of excessive snow. As always, I’d found it beyond beautiful.
But that wasn’t what Tanwadur wanted to hear, and for the moment, I lived to please him.
So, I said, “Barely getting by, as you’d expect. My people and I did what we could to help those who needed it, and that seemed to have made an impact in some of the nearby villages.”
With a satisfied nod, Tanwadur murmured, “Good, good.”
He brought me my drink, and as he sat, I made myself take a sip. It was awful stuff, this poor man’s beer, but I forced it down anyway.
Once he’d gotten settled and taken a few gulps from his own drink, Tanwadur leaned forward, setting the glass in front of him.
“So?” he said in a near whisper. “How did it go with the others?”
And this? This was the part of our reunion that I’d been dreading since melting snow had forced my hand into returning home.
“About as well as you’d expect,” I carefully said. “As usual, the other resistances balked at our offers of aid, so of course they were suspicious of your proposal for combining our efforts into one. Even with the proposal coming from me, most refused it, but fortunately, a few said they’d think about it over the coming spring. Perhaps we’ll see some progress then.”
I half-expected Tanwadur’s face to go bright red on hearing this, but instead, he grimaced.
“Stubborn bastards,” he said under his breath before leaning back in his chair.
For what seemed like forever, he stared off into space while tapping a finger on his desk, and all the while, I stayed still and silent, a waif-like ghost until he decided to address me again.
“Well, I can’t blame you for your failure, inconvenient as it might be,” Tanwadur eventually said, “but I should update you about why it might be a problem.”
Taking up his drink again, he took another big sip before slamming it back down, which almost made me flinch.
“Have you heard anything from the west coast since you left?” he said.
“Very little at first and then, nothing at all once snowfall started,” I said, “and for the last week, my people and I have done nothing but march and huddle in whatever shelter we could find.”
“So, you haven’t heard about the newcomers to our shore.”
…Newcomers? Had another batch of smugglers made their way across the Narrow Sea? Over the last few decades, that hadn’t happened much. In fact, I could only remember one instance of them making the crossing. Enforcer Teron had made sure they hadn't had as much success with getting back.
Slowly, I said, “I have not.”
The entire time, I watched Tanwadur’s face, looking for even the slightest hint about how he was feeling. Most of the time, things like this—the unexpected and potentially inconvenient—put him in a bad mood, and when that happened, I had to make a bigger effort at making him happy.
This time, he was giving me nothing. I couldn’t tell what the hell he was thinking, and given that, I made sure I hadn’t started squirming in my seat. I didn’t want to hear a repeat of ‘the many ways you must comport yourself’ or something similar right now.
“A couple of weeks after you left, a veritable army made landing in a nearby cove,” Tanwadur said, watching me as he spoke. “They were led by a man named Raimie.”
Wait.
Despite how problematic it could be, I couldn’t stop myself from interrupting.
“Raimie? That’s… I just met a man with the same name not a quarter mark ago! Ren brought him with her to greet me.”
At that, Tanwadur’s face darkened, and I quickly shut my mouth.
“I keep telling that girl she shouldn’t associate with that…”
Clenching his teeth, he fell silent for a moment before shaking his head.
“But that’s not important right now,” he said. “Tell me. What did you think of him?”
Oh… shit. He was asking for my opinion?
“I’m not sure. We didn’t spend much time together,” I said. “He only stuck around long enough to share his name before leaving.”
“Hmm.”
Fuck. Had that been the wrong answer?
After a supremely uncomfortable moment, Tanwadur shifted in his chair, which reminded me to relax. I couldn’t show any tension right now.
“In that case, I’ll give you some relevant information about the man so you can make your own judgment the next time you meet him,” my father said. “In the two and a half months he’s been here, Raimie has accrued several significant accomplishments to his name. Soon after arriving, he and his people stood against an army that Enforcer Teron had gathered to wipe them out. Not only did Raimie surmount this threat to his life, but soon after the battle was over, he killed the Enforcer. I had to confirm that fact several times on hearing it, but after seeing the bastard’s body for myself, I could no longer deny it. Most recently, he’s returned from successfully capturing Da’kul, helped in part by his defeat of its former master, of course. Still, that doesn’t lessen what he’s done, and he should be congratulated for his victory.”
Stunned, I worked through everything Tanwadur had said, fighting against a sinking stomach the whole time. Of course, I was… I was overjoyed to hear this news. Cerrin Forest and the southern half of Auden’s west coast wouldn’t have an Enforcer terrorizing them until another one was appointed. All those who lived out from under Tiro’s protection would go without the threat of Harvest until then too. Who wouldn’t find this news incredible?
On a personal level, though, I heard about the things that this man, Raimie, had done, and I shrank inside when comparing them to my own deeds. He’d done things that I’d only dreamed of trying, but I wasn’t jealous of this fact. More, I wasn’t sure how that would make Tanwadur react, and if he decided that I could have done all of these impossible—it bore repeating: impossible—things, then I could be in for hell.
Fortunately, he looked as calm as he had before announcing any of this, so I worked through my shock to give him the response he was so clearly waiting for.
“That all sounds good, something we could use to our own advantage,” I slowly said. “So, what’s the problem? There obviously is one.”
Nodding, Tanwadur simply said, “When on the other side of the Narrow Sea, Raimie found Shadowsteal.”
And I couldn’t help the cough that I released. Found Shadowsteal?
“He’s one of the exiled royals?!” I somehow said.
With another nod, Tanwadur steepled his fingers in front of his face, and I scrambled for a response, any response, that would return the weight of the conversation to him.
Raimie was part of the exiled royal family, meaning…. meaning…
Alouin, I couldn’t even think that impossible, terrible, glorious thought.
“That could be a problem,” I managed after a moment.
Or it could be the best thing that had ever happened to me. Time would tell which it was.
“Yes. It could be,” Tanwadur said. “You’ll need to be careful over the next few days, Kylorian. While Tiro most definitely doesn’t support this new contender for the throne, they also haven’t moved to throw him out of the city, as I anticipated they might. Not only that, but your brother and sister have already fallen under his sway. You’ll need to make sure the same doesn’t happen to you.”
I could only nod and murmur.
“Of course.”
“Once you’ve had enough time to form your own opinion of the man, I’ll expect to hear what you think,” Tanwadur continued. “We can only move forward with our own plans once we know your honest appraisal of him. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, sir. Of course it does.”
“Good. Other than that, nothing requires attention from either of us right now. I’m sure you’ll enjoy taking a break in the city, yes? Perhaps you can spend some time with those girls who’re always following you around with moon-eyes.”
“Yes. Maybe.”
“Or you could spend it with your siblings.”
“…Yes.”
A loud thunk drew me back into my head, sharply glancing at where Tanwadur had dropped his hand on the desk.
“There you are,” he said. “Are you all right? I didn’t mean to shock you so badly with this news.”
“I’m… fine,” I said before shaking myself. “It’s simply something I never thought would happen. Forgive me for losing focus like that.”
“Given what I said, it was to be expected,” Tanwadur said. “Still, I will need my study back at some point, so unless you have something you want to share with me…?”
No. No, I did not. I never would unless I must.
Rising from my seat, I smiled at my father before downing my drink in one go. I forced down the cough that wanted to shoot out of my mouth, smoothing out a grimace as I set the glass opposite my father’s.
“I’ll let you know how things go with Raimie,” I said. “Thank you for sharing this information. It will be incredibly helpful for our efforts in the coming days.”
“Yes, of course,” Tanwadur said. “Now…?”
Raising an eyebrow, he shooed me away, and I mechanically chuckled as I left the room.
An heir to the throne. Hell, there was a legitimate heir to the throne in Auden.
I didn’t know what to do with that.
Leaning a hand against a wall, I forced myself to think about it and think about it and think about it until I’d gotten through the free fall that the last quarter mark had wreaked in me. Until I could realize, if only dimly, that there was nothing I could do about it right now. Until I’d gotten settled and somewhat comfortable with that idea.
But then, I was centered again. I could go to the kitchen, happy to have the chance to speak with Eliade again. Happy and- and shocked that the conversation in the study hadn’t included a raised voice or the biting criticism that would have turned me into a child once more.
In the kitchen, Eliade was bustling about, making sure everything was spick-and-span. When she saw me come in, her face broke into a beaming smile, and she hurried to a basket on the room’s tiny table.
“I didn’t have much tonight, unfortunately. The refugees from Lindow have been cleaning me out over the last few weeks,” she said, “but there are sweet rolls in here and a jar of milk. You and your siblings might have to fight over who gets what.”
She handed me the basket, gently patting the blanket covering it, before returning to her chores.
“How did it go with your father?” she asked. “Was he pleased to see you?”
For once, I didn’t have to lie to her about this.
“He seemed well. Glad that I’m back,” I said. “I may be staying home for a while this time, which should make you happy.”
Grinning over her shoulder, Eliade said, “You know it does. I’ve never liked how often you leave, always trying to be the hero that Auden needs.”
That made me hiss in a breath, if only a little. No matter that it hadn’t been my idea to undertake the many humanitarian missions that I’d done over the last four years, I’d come to enjoy them. I loved Auden, perhaps more than Tanwadur might approve of, but in this, I didn’t care to conform to his will.
This kingdom was beautiful, and every time I was out there, whether fighting off Kiraak or delivering messages between towns or helping them bring in crops from meager fields, I was strongly reminded of this fact. The Audish people were brave and fierce and more loving toward one another than anyone would expect them to be, given all they suffered on a daily basis. Sure, they were also paranoid as hell and could become violent if pushed into said state, but beneath all of that, they maintained the innate goodness of humanity, and I wanted to see them grow and thrive, no matter how little good I could actually do for them.
In many ways, my ventures into greater Auden had been my saving grace over the last four years, much like my siblings and mother had been before then.
“Well?” Eliade said, drawing me out of my thoughts. “Don’t you and your siblings have your own tradition to complete?”
Ha! Tradition. I supposed we could call it that.
“We most certainly do!” I said as cheerily as I could. “Thank you for the food, mom. I’m sure we’ll enjoy it.”
“Have fun!” Eliade called, already distracted by her cleaning again.
I turned to leave.
Chapter 15: Sibling Solace
Kylorian
The route to the meeting point with my siblings was hidden and somewhat frustrating to traverse. It hadn’t always been that way, but as we’d grown up, what had once fit our child-sized bodies had become restrictive instead. While squishing my way through a final crevasse, I had to hold the basket overhead, hoping that it didn’t get stuck as the crevasse’s ceiling got lower. When it finally released both me and the basket, I let out the breath I’d been holding, shaking my head. Soon enough, I wouldn’t be able to get back here.
As soon as I’d caught my breath, I glanced over this cave, hidden behind the back wall of Tiro’s protecting mountain. Ren and I had found this place when we’d still had the time to explore our home. Before Tanwadur had revealed his plans for me, forcing Ren to take over everything I’d handled to that point. After Hadrion had come along, we’d spent a few weeks coaxing him out of his trauma-induced state by dragging him here with us, a technique that I’d once used with Ren. He’d spoken his first words to us here, asking about this city’s Kiraak in the quietest of whispers.
Today, he was much changed from that closed-off boy, bouncing to his feet as soon as he saw me. With an excited yip, he snatched the basket out of my hands, quickly scrounging through it before making a face.
“Two sweet rolls and some milk?! Is Eliade trying to starve me?” he said.
“You should be grateful that she had something for us in the first place, Had-had,” I said, “but don’t worry. I snuck something out here too.”
Reaching into a pocket, I pulled free a handful of strawberries that I’d grabbed while on the way here. They were underripe, showing green along the top of their bodies, but Hadrion still pounced on them like they were the best thing he’d seen all day, which only made me laugh. I remembered what I'd been like at his age. Sometimes, it had seemed like my hunger would never be satisfied.
“Remember to leave some for Ren,” I said before Hadrion could finish off the treat.
Wrinkling his nose, Hadrion stuck his tongue out before reluctantly putting two of the strawberries into the basket.
“Whatever you say, lover boy,” he said.
As I choked up, a flash of heat washed across my chest and arms.
“It’s not… like that,” I said. “Alouin, Hadrion. It’s not-”
Because yes, I had feelings for Ren. Always had, from the moment Tanwadur had brought her home, but those feelings weren’t what most people would think of when it came to true love. I wanted to be around Ren all the time, wanted to cuddle and hug and very rarely, kiss her. Her happiness brought me a joy that I’d never felt before, but I didn’t want anything more than this, and that wasn’t because she'd been designated my sister, if not by blood.
I’d never thought of Ren like that. She was my closest friend. My confidant, more so than Hadrion because Hadrion couldn’t know most of what I told Ren. To me, she was not my sister. So, that wasn’t the reason why the thought of anything more with her made me sick to my stomach. No. I had other reasons for never wanting to go near sex with her or anyone else.
Besides, Ren thought of me as her brother, and that made anything I might want between us impossible. Like I’d said, I only wanted her to be happy, so if I was to be only a brother to her, then that was what I’d be.
Laughing uproariously at the look on my face, Hadrion leaned against a wall before slumping onto the ground. He was still snickering as he pulled the basket into his lap, there to stay until Ren eventually joined us. He’d be the zealous guardian of our food, a baby bear that would maul anyone who tried to lay a finger on it without his permission.
“Sorry, Ky. I can’t help teasing you about that,” he said. “If you didn’t want me doing that, you shouldn’t have told me how you felt about her so many years ago.”
Growling, I kicked at the air next to his shin, which he jerked away from.
“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have,” I said under my breath.
But I sank to the floor nearby, thunking my head against stone once I was settled. After a moment of comfortable silence, Hadrion cleared his throat.
“So. Was he awful to you?” he asked in a falsely cheerful voice.
Which made me want to cringe.
“Had-had, he’s never awful,” I said. “Sometimes, he just has a temper.”
Hadrion seemingly pierced through that lie in an instant.
“Mmhmm,” he doubtfully hummed. “And how are you feeling, now that you’ve met with him?”
Hell, Hadrion and his obsession with feelings. After weeks of dealing with people who’d rather pretend that such things never existed, it was always jarring to come back to him and his constant poking at them.
“I’m fine,” I said, continuing at his incredulous look. “Well and truly fine! I promise. Dury didn’t have much to say about my journey. He seemed a little too focused on this newcomer, Raimie, to do anything besides acknowledge that I was back.”
Wincing, Hadrion said, “Oh, Dury brought him up, did he? How many vindictive lies did he spew this time?”
So, Tanwadur didn’t like the newcomer, huh? I’d thought that might be the case, but it was nice to have confirmation of how I should act about this subject when around him.
“None, actually,” I said. “Dury only told me what Raimie has been doing since arriving here.”
“Interesting. Wonder what he’s trying to pull with that?” Hadrion said with a frown. “You know that Raimie and Ren are… friends, right?”
He looked at me so cautiously that I wondered what else he might be holding back.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. “Ren introduced him to me back at…”
And I remembered everything that had happened when I’d come home. Curling over on myself, I hid my face in my hands.
“Oh, hell. Hadrion. The things I said to Ren!”
Scooting closer, Hadrion patted me on the back, leaving his hand there once he was done.
“What happened?” he said. “Come on, big bro! Spill the goods. I can’t wait to hear this week’s gossip.”
As usual, Hadrion’s utter ridiculousness pulled me free of my hands.
“Something I deeply regret already,” I said.
But then, I told him the story, wincing at his reactions the whole time, and once I was done, Hadrion tapped on his lip before pointing at me.
“So, your ‘inner Dury’ came out to play,” he said. “Wonder why it went after the Josenik incident? You know that’s her biggest issue.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I turned away, but I was only there for a moment before Hadrion was pulling me back.
“Hey, hey, I’m not criticizing! Alouin knows I have my own inner Dury ruining my day sometimes. I was just curious about the chosen subject,” he said. “Besides, you said Ren wanted you to let it go, right? So, let it go. For once, she’s the injured party in your constant battle of poking each other’s soft spots.”
“It’s not like we do that intentionally, or at least, I don’t,” I petulantly said.
Raising his hands, Hadrion said, “Fair enough.”
He backed up, glancing off to the side as he thought.
“Wonder what that made Raimie think of you,” he said. “He’s pretty nice, so hopefully, he won't care but still. I was hoping you two would get along. You need more kind people in your life, Ky.”
Fucking hell. Reaching over, I lightly shoved Hadrion.
“Would you stop trying to be the older brother in this relationship?” I said. “I don’t need anyone taking care of me.”
“Who’s taking care of whom now?”
Shooting upright, I twisted toward the entrance of our cave in time to watch Ren make her entrance. To the unenamored eye, she probably looked clumsy while wiggling through the entrance’s crack, but I couldn’t help smiling at her.
She was Ren, the fierce protector of Tiro and the leader of its many scouts. She was the closest person to me, the one who knew the full story of how I’d come to this city or… almost all of it. She was the one who’d talked me through rough moments after our father’s caustic lectures, although she didn’t know about those lectures’ intensity.
Ren knew that Tanwadur was tough on me—I’d be surprised if anyone in Tiro didn’t know that—but she had no idea of how tough he could be. I’d only told Hadrion about that, and that had only happened because he received similar treatment.
Twirling to a seat beside Hadrion, Ren snatched the basket out of his lap. On grabbing a sweet roll from it, she stuffed half of it into her mouth before either of us boys could protest it, and that, of course, had Hadrion pouncing on her.
I watched the two play fighting with a smile, enjoying every moment of them being solely themselves. Usually, Hadrion could get away with presenting himself to the world without masks, ignored as he sometimes was, but Ren and I? Not so much.
When Ren eventually gave up, handing over the rest of her sweet roll to her brother, Hadrion plopped to the ground before pausing. Wordlessly, he offered it to me, but I shook my head.
“I’m good. You two should finish the rest off.”
Shrugging, Hadrion started in on his hard-won bounty while Ren pulled the second roll out of the basket more slowly. In the end, though, she didn’t protest what she might see as ‘my sacrifice’, and I got to lean against the wall without having to argue with them. What a rare change of pace.
“So, how are you fixing things with Raimie, if you did mess things up with him?” Hadrion asked without preamble. “Given who he is, you’ll have to be at least a little friendly with him.”
Ren coughed up the bite she’d taken.
“You know about…?”
She fell silent when I glanced at her.
Hopefully. I was aware I hadn’t made a good first impression on the man who might be king, but all I could do to fix that was apologize and try to resolve things. It was all I’d ever been able to do when I lost my temper. Resuscitating my ‘inner Dury’, as Hadrion sometimes put it.
“Here’s hoping,” Ren said. “He’s… he’s a good man, Ky. I know you may doubt me when I say that-”
“I don’t,” I said, interrupting her. “Really, Ren, I don’t. You have good intuition about people. I’m just an ass sometimes. You know that.”
“Mm,” Ren said with her eyes fixed on her lap.
Damn. My comment truly had messed with her. So much for letting it go.
Before I could reassure her again, Hadrion cleared his throat.
“Anyway,” he said. “I think you’ve got a good plan. Give Raimie some time to cool off, if he’s mad for whatever reason, and then, get him drunk before talking to him. Should work wonders.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “I’m not going to get him drunk. I’m going to talk to him, and that’s usually easier to do over something like drinks.”
Hadrion fluttered his hands as he dipped into as deep of a bow as his sitting position would allow him.
“As Tiro’s great negotiator says,” he solemnly intoned.
With a tongue click, I crossed my arms.
“Can we please move on? I don’t want to focus on this right now.”
“I’ll bet,” Ren said. “So, how was your meeting with-?”
“Fine!” Hadrion and I both said.
Pausing, Ren glanced between us before shrugging.
“All right,” she said. “What are we talking about, then? Or will we be sitting around, awkwardly silent for the rest of the evening?”
Snorting, Hadrion said, “As if.”
And I smiled at him. Always ready to bounce from serious to light-hearted, this one.
“Why don’t you two tell me what you’ve been up to while I’ve been gone?” I said.
Halfway through a bite, Ren grunted while nodding.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” she said around her mouthful. “Had-had has quite a few stories to tell, don’t you?”
“I’ll have you know that-”
For a moment, I stopped listening. Much as I always wanted to run away from this place, much as I’d rather be anywhere else, I had to admit that one good thing was always waiting for me here: them. I loved them both, no matter how different that love might be for each individually.
So, I sat back and listened as they told their stories, and when Hadrion started nodding off, I pulled him sideways so his head was in my lap. He quickly fell asleep while Ren leaned on me, and before I knew it, she was snoring too. Just like every other time we’d done this together.
For a while, I sat there and listened to them breathing. For a while, I let them soothe me.
Chapter 16: Uncomfortable Conversations
Raimie
It had been a while since I’d been able to sit back, relax, and read, purely for my own enjoyment. Something always got in the way, whether that was a life-threatening emergency or another tedious duty, but today, I’d somehow finished my appointed tasks well before the sun could go down. So, for the first time in forever, I had a trashy novel held over my face, greedily sucking down the tale of some stupid kid and his adventures through a strange land.
Very few of the books I’d read dealt with tales that were solely speculative in nature, as it wasn’t a popular subject. In fact, most people I knew would consider this book a waste of paper and ink, but I’d found this one—a novel that had come straight from a tear—in Queen Kaedesa’s library, back when I’d been her captive. While there, I might have stolen it, hoping it could get me through many a tedious hour spent locked in a room, and in the haste of leaving her capital, I might have also forgotten that it was mixed in with my other belongings.
Whoops.
As expected, the last three days had been busy. I hadn’t had any time to check in with Ren or figure out drinks with Kylorian, too occupied instead with gathering the latest intel from my new spy network as well as reading over everything we’d learned at Da’kul.
It had been a lot of information, which was welcome. I definitely preferred it to the feeling of blindly flailing around in the dark, like I’d experienced at the fort, but that information had yet to settle in my mind. I wasn’t sure what in it, if anything, was useful for my people’s next steps, although there were a few minor tasks in the pile that might be helpful for the next few weeks.
And of course, I hadn’t heard from my new Hand yet. Shortly before I’d departed Da’kul, leaving Gistrick and his Zrelnach to guard it, Oswin had sent his subordinates to what he’d called ‘several strategically key positions’ throughout Auden’s west coast.
According to him, they shouldn’t be gone for long. Missions like this typically took a Hand member a week to complete, tops, and if this was true, their reports would be showing up on my desk in a couple of days.
That would give me enough time to sort through what I already knew, and maybe with those reports in hand, I could figure out where we should strike next.
But until then, I didn’t have much to do. Making sure my people were well taken care of certainly absorbed a good portion of my day, but besides that, I should be left to my own devices, leaving me with free time for the first time in…
I couldn’t remember when I’d last had free time, actually. Perhaps before I’d found Shadowsteal.
That was a depressing thought.
“Knock, knock,” someone said at the door.
Jerking upright, I slammed my trashy novel closed, hiding it under a pillow. Sure, I might not have been reading it for the last several minutes, too lost in my head again, but it had still been there, clearly visible, and I really didn’t want people to know what sort of content I enjoyed when I was alone.
“Raimie? Are you busy? I can come back.”
But I was already shaking my head.
“It’s ok, Hadrion,” I said. “Please, come in.”
I gestured toward the only other seat in this room—a stool in the corner—but Hadrion smiled, almost apologetically.
“Actually, I’m here for my brother,” he said. “Ky’s a bit busy right now, but he should have some free time tonight. He asked me to see if you wanted to get that drink.”
Cocking my head, I pointed at the kid.
“He sent you,” I said. “That seems…”
Hmm. Was it demeaning, like I was thinking, or was I off-base?
Hadrion must have seen something on my face because his eyes went wide.
“Oh, no!” he said. “I offered to do it.”
Flushing, he rubbed the back of his neck.
“Kylorian told me how you two first met,” he continued. “So, I’ve maybe, kinda, sorta been watching for an opportunity to get the ball rolling on you two sharing a drink. I think you and Ky could be great friends, but he’s always been a little horrible at certain social interactions. I didn’t want your first meeting to leave a bad taste in your mouth.”
…What?
“I don’t know what Kylorian told you, but I don’t think badly of your brother, Hadrion,” I said. “I’ve only spent a few minutes with him. That’s not enough time to form a complete opinion.”
On hearing that, Hadrion slumped against the doorframe, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead.
“Oh, thank Alouin,” he said. “I was so worried…”
But then, he smirked at me, drawing himself upright.
“Sorry. Dramatic, I know,” he said. “Does that mean you’re ok with the ‘getting a drink’ plan for tonight?”
“Oh.”
I’d been looking forward to an evening of leisure but…
“Yes, a drink would be nice,” I said. “Did Kylorian say where and when we should meet him?”
Wrinkling his brow, Hadrion said, “We?”
“Yes…” I drawled. “Your brother mentioned something about you and Ren joining us. Do you not want to come? Or are you not old enough-?”
“No, no, no! I’m plenty old enough for a drink,” Hadrion said, shooting up a hand to stop me. “I just thought…”
Puffing out a sigh, he shook his head.
“It doesn’t matter what I thought,” he said. “I’m not sure exactly when Ky wants to meet, but if you like, we can head to his favorite bar now. I doubt he’ll be long.”
“All right.”
After making sure my book was still hidden, I stood up.
“Lead the way,” I said.
As we walked through Tiro, Hadrion kept up a steady stream of chatter beside me, occasionally calling greetings to the people we passed, and I listened with half an ear. He didn’t seem to mind my lack of commentary, more content to have a friend nearby, and that was fine by me.
Soon enough, we moved toward a bar that I knew of, even if it was one I’d never visited before. Unlike Sigemond’s tavern, this place’s regulars were known to be more… sophisticated, I supposed was the best word for it. We’d find no loud music in this place, and its owner kept a more refined selection of alcohol on hand, or the most refined he could get, at least.
Before we went inside, Oswin, ever my faithful shadow, stopped us, making us wait a few heartbeats as he scouted the place, but for once, I didn’t mind. Beside me, Hadrion giggled under his breath at the ‘silly soldier’, which I found hilarious for a number of reasons, and that was enough to make something that was normally annoying more enjoyable.
As soon as we were given the all clear, Hadrion and I entered the bar, and I made a beeline for a table in the corner while Oswin found a spot just out of hearing range. Places like this, where it would get steadily busier as the night wore on, made me uncomfortable. While in them, I liked keeping to myself, staying in an unobserved corner throughout the evening.
After Hadrion and I had sat down, we were frozen into an awkward silence for far too long before the kid loudly groaned, sprawling across the table.
“Ok. I can’t hold it in anymore,” he said.
Pulling his hands under his chin, he looked up at me.
“Can I ask you a strange question?”
That… was an odd thing to say.
“Sure. Why not?”
I was probably digging myself into a hole here, but what could I say? Hadrion was a sweet kid. I doubted he’d ask me anything too disconcerting.
Taking a deep breath, he puffed out his cheeks before sitting back up.
“Are you and my sister… together?” he asked. “It’s been driving me crazy for the last few weeks because you two look all lovey-dovey, gross with each other, but you also seem like you’re trying to hide it.”
…I didn’t know what he was talking about. Was this what Nylion had been referencing earlier, after Ren had called the two of us friends?
Nyl? I asked, hoping he could help.
But for once in my conscious life, my other half was absent. As if he was asleep and I didn’t know what to do with that idea.
Better to focus elsewhere.
Maybe if I clarified what Hadrion was asking about, it would help with answering him.
“What do you mean by ‘together’?” I said.
For a moment, Hadrion blinked at me before cocking his head with a quizzical look in place.
“You know… together,” he said.
Lifting his hands in front of his face, he interlaced his fingers, which didn’t explain things.
“I mean… yes. Sometimes, we hold hands like that,” I said. “Why would you want to know about that?”
Hadrion stared at me for an uncomfortably long time, but before that could become too intense, he leaned his elbows on the table.
“You really don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?” he said.
Apparently, I was missing something obvious, so with one eye closed, I winced.
“Maybe?”
“How do you…?” Hadrion said. “You’re, what? Eighteen?”
“Nineteen, actually.”
Nodding, Hadrion said, “Yeah, ok. So, how do you…? But I guess if you did grow up in the wilderness, like Ren said… Even with that, though, your parents should have… Alouin.”
Breaking off, he rubbed his face.
“How did I get stuck with explaining this?” he said. “I’m fifteen! I’m the worst person to tell you about this, especially since you're older than me.”
Damn. I hadn’t meant to make him feel uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” I said. “In fact, I have a friend who’s been meaning to take on the task for a few months. I think. But he keeps getting… distracted.”
“No, no. It’s fine. I brought the topic up in the first place.”
Slapping his hands to the table, Hadrion fixed me with a piercing look.
“Let’s start with the basics. Do you know what attraction is?” he said. “Or… how about sex?”
If the kid’s first question had made my insides go all tight and knotted, the second made my face flush with far too much scalding heat.
“Yes,” I stiffly said. “I’m well aware of the many different forms of… that. And attraction is self-explanatory. Sort of. At the least, I know the dictionary definition for it.”
“Ok…” Hadrion said with an odd look on his face. “Well, that’s what I meant when I asked if you and Ren are ‘together’. Are you attracted to her?”
Oh… all right. This was still a difficult question to answer, but at least I knew what Hadrion was talking about now.
“I like Ren well enough,” I said. “She’s nice to look at, but more importantly, she’s kind. And she makes me feel safe. I don’t… I don’t know. When I’m with her, it feels different, like nothing I’ve ever felt before, but also vaguely familiar. I don’t know how she feels about me, though.”
Hadrion was still giving me an odd look.
“Real romantic, Raimie,” he said before shaking his head. “Look. I’m asking if you love her, ok?”
…Love? What did that…?
“I… don’t know. I haven’t thought about it before,” I said. “And love is related to romance, right? What does that have to do with… sex and attraction?”
Gods, this conversation was making me so queasy. Throwing my hands over my face, I took deep breaths, trying to keep my stomach under control.
“I’m sorry,” I said into the resulting silence. “I don’t mean to be difficult. It’s only-”
Hadrion laid his hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, it’s all right,” he said. “Clearly, this is a difficult subject for you, and I didn’t mean to stress you out. I was just curious, that’s all! But I think we’ve satisfied my curiosity enough for today, don’t you? Let’s focus on something else.”
Hesitantly, I peeked at the kid over my fingertips.
“You’re sure?” I asked. “I didn’t even answer your question, or at least, I didn’t answer it correctly.”
“You can’t answer that question incorrectly, Raimie. It’s a subjective-”
Making a face, Hadrion waved off the concern he must see on my face.
“Really. It’s not a problem. If anything, I’m sorry for bringing it up!” he said. “Here. Let me get you a drink. Ky can forgive us for starting without him, I think. What’ll you have?”
So… he wasn’t angry that I’d messed up what should have been a simple conversation?
Huh.
“I’d like a brandy. Please,” I said. “Thanks, Hadrion.”
“No problem!”
Winking at me, Hadrion scooted off the bench before heading toward the bar, and I watched him go with my head cocked. That kid was always breaking my expectations, usually in a good way too. Why should tonight be any different?
When he returned, Hadrion plonked my drink in front of me while lifting a glass of suspiciously clear liquid overhead.
“To all the times we humans have no clue what to do!” he said.
Laughing, I joined his drink in the air with my own.
“Cheers to that,” I said.
We lapsed into comfortable silence, watching the bar’s patrons as they arrived and left. Among them, I saw several people from the defeated group who’d arrived at Tiro three days ago, and unfortunately, that same heavy air was still hanging from them. Usually alone, they hunched over their drinks, slowly sipping from them.
All of which made me ache for them. Why couldn’t I see hurting people without feeling a compelling need to help them?
Fortunately, Kylorian soon arrived, taking my focus off of something I probably couldn’t fix.
Chapter 17: Resolving Things
Raimie
Muttering a greeting, Kylorian joined me and Hadrion with a glass already in hand, and sipping at it, he regarded me with a measuring look over its rim.
Setting the glass down, he said, “I’ve done my research on you since we met, Raimie. It seems you were right. Ren has become a decent judge of character. I should never have thought otherwise.”
…Done his research? Gods, what had he learned?
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said.
But I couldn’t keep caution out of my voice, which Kylorian must have heard. Laughing, he leaned back with a smile, taking another sip of his drink.
“Relax! I’m not going to bite you,” he said. “And why would I? From what I've heard, you’re the reason that things on the coast have been so quiet over the winter. Defeating an army of Kiraak? Taking down Teron, one of Doldimar’s oldest Enforcers and his most ruthless? Claiming his fortress for your own? I’d never think those accomplishments could be attributed to one man. Clearly, you know what you’re doing.”
I’d argue that point but…
“Thank you. It’s been a long journey,” I said, “but I have to correct you on one point. The things you’ve mentioned? I alone didn’t accomplish them. The work and sacrifice needed for each of them should be attributed to the people who’ve entrusted their lives to me.”
My big family. The ones I needed to keep safe. The ones I was doing all of this for.
“And that right there is one reason I’m not completely terrified of you,” Kylorian said. “If I hadn’t heard other stories about your generous character from my own people, I’d think you were invading our land with ill intent. Judging from your martial successes alone, most here would compare you to an Overseer or an Enforcer, only looking to expand your territory, but instead, what I hear from my people is that you may be an annoyance at times, but you’re also a welcome one. Given my people’s nature, that’s a high compliment indeed.”
At our side, Hadrion snorted.
“It really is,” he said under his breath.
Which I knew. In Tiro, I’d found a more reticent and sullen people than I’d ever met before. Even still, they were likeable in their own way. There was something to be said for a group that had somehow forged safety and happiness from a place where most would struggle to survive.
“Given everything I’ve learned about you, I-”
Kylorian paused for a moment, staring off into space, before making a face.
“Look. I know I’m a bit rough around the edges,” he said. “I’m quick to judge people, have a short temper at times, and am incredibly insecure about… a lot of things, actually. And I’m not too proud to admit those failings to you because- because…”
Sighing, he shook his head.
“Well, because you’re obviously here to change things, which I admire. And I’d like to help you with that, where I can. So, I’m hoping that by admitting my flaws, it’ll help you give me grace when I mess up. Like I did when I came home, trying to shame my sister into silence. That was incredibly wrong of me. I’ve already apologized to her, but I had to bring it up with you too. Let you know that I’m not always like that.”
As Kylorian fell silent, I cocked my head.
“I’m… confused,” I said. “Both you and Hadrion have spoken about our meeting as if anything you’ve done would make me hate you. Sure, I didn’t like hearing Ren talked about like that, but that was only one thing that happened, and you were clearly stressed when saying it. I don’t judge people when they’re at their worst. At the least, I should get to know all of them before doing something like that. Which is what I thought tonight was supposed to be about. Or was I wrong about that?”
Hadrion and Kylorian exchanged a glance.
“Told you,” the younger brother said.
Which only made the older one roll his eyes.
Facing me, he said, “I’m glad to hear that. Thank you for keeping an open mind. I haven’t met many people who can do that for long. Now. I believe we’re here to drink. So, what all are we having? And so help me. If you say anything other than water, Had-had, we will have words.”
Hadrion only grinned at the stern look his brother had shot at him.
“I know better than to drink anything else right now, Ky,” he said.
Of course. The suspiciously clear liquid was water. No wonder Hadrion had seemed awkward about joining me and Kylorian for a drink.
“And you?” the older brother asked.
Wincing, I said, “I have a brandy here, but then, that’s the only form of alcohol I can tolerate, and even it tastes awful. If you have any suggestions for something I might actually enjoy, I’d be thankful.”
“Brandy, huh?” Kylorian said with a smile. “You’re a man after my own heart, then! I’m sure I can help you find something more to your taste. Just give me a moment.”
He was gone for only a few minutes, and when he returned, he slid a mug of something deeply brown but not foamy my way. Warily, I sniffed at it before taking a small sip.
With my eyes shooting wide open, I said, “Oh, that’s good.”
Or at least, it wasn’t mouth-curdling, mind-numbingly terrible, but that was a vast improvement over everything else I’d had.
Chuckling, Kylorian said, “I thought you might like it.”
“Yes, as usual, you are the connoisseur of all things brandy, Ky,” Hadrion said.
After we took a moment to enjoy our drinks, I cleared my throat.
“So, I was wondering about the mission you mentioned a few days ago,” I said. “I understand if you can’t talk about it, what with your security concerns, but I’ve been hearing all about your exploits over the last few months, and I have to say. I’ve been impressed. I’d love to hear about this one too.”
Making a face, Kylorian uncomfortably shifted in place.
“I can certainly share if you want to hear about it, but you probably won’t find this mission impressive,” he said. “It failed pretty horribly.”
“Why don’t you tell me about it anyway?” I said. “Maybe there’s some way I can help.”
Grimacing, Kylorian said, “I doubt it.”
He paused, and with an earnest look in place, Hadrion nudged his brother, making him sigh.
“I was out in Auden, trying to consolidate the other resistances,” he said. “Tiro isn’t the only place that fights against the Dark Lord. Tanwadur and I were hoping that if we worked together, we could put up a greater defense against him, but the others weren’t as amenable to that idea as we’d thought.”
He looked away.
“They… know certain things… about me, all part of Dury’s plan, and that’s made talking with the other resistances difficult.”
Certain things…? No. Hang on.
Leaning back in my seat, I crossed my arms with a hum on my lips.
“Do you think these other resistances would be more receptive to you and Tiro, if they knew you’d wiped out the Kiraak in this region of Auden?” I asked.
Kylorian went very, very still.
“But… that’s your accomplishment,” he said. “You… you’d be willing to give us the credit for your victory?”
Shrugging, I said, “Why wouldn’t I? It would put Tiro in a more advantageous position, yes? And we’ll need all the help we can get if we’re going to defeat Doldimar. I certainly don’t need the glory of a victorious battle. In fact, I’d rather if it were used to strengthen the free people of Auden. Because that’s the point, right? Freeing Auden. Making this country less of a horror show for its people. Yes?”
Seemingly shocked into silence, Kylorian stared at me for an uncomfortable length of time. I’d started squirming in place before he found his voice again.
“Damn,” he softly said. “You’re making all of this so much harder for me.”
Wait. What?
Pulling my hands under the table, I reached for Ele and Daevetch, hoping all the while that I wouldn’t have to use them. Not only did I not want to hurt Kylorian or Hadrion, but Bright and Dim had been rather… absent since we’d taken Da’kul. I could feel my sources on the fringe of my awareness, but still, I had yet to see my splinters, which was worrying me a little. For now, I’d been chalking their disappearance up to the fact that I’d closed another tear while they’d been nearby. They’d vanished for quite a time after the last time I’d done that.
Maybe Kylorian saw how much I’d gone on the defensive because he lifted his hands in reassurance.
“I’m sorry. That must have sounded ominous,” he said. “It’s only…”
Sighing, he looked away.
“My father told me about who you are, Raimie. A descendant of the Audish kings,” he said, “and that’s yet another issue that could cause complications in this relationship.”
As he waved between me and him, Kylorian peered at me out of the corner of his eye, and slowly, I released my hold on Ele and Daevetch, bringing my hands into view again.
“Why would my ancestry be a problem for you?” I said. “From how you’ve been treating me, I’d guess that you don’t despise me for my family’s past.”
As I grimaced, Kylorian jerked his head toward me with his mouth in an O.
“Not at all!” he said. “I- I couldn’t! I…”
Slamming his eyes closed, he took a deep breath before nudging Hadrion.
“I’ll get us refills,” he said. “Could you… explain things to him? Please?”
Hadrion gently patted his brother’s arm.
“Sure thing, Ky,” he said.
“Thanks.”
Awkwardly, Kylorian heaved himself off of the bench before wandering in an almost dejected manner toward the bar. Oo… what had I stepped into?
When I raised my eyebrows at Hadrion, he made a face.
“So, my family’s a little weird, and that’s not just because all of us kids are adopted,” he said. “Ren’s our father’s darling, right? He dotes on her whenever she’s around. I get the overprotective parents routine because I’m the youngest and because… I come from somewhere not very nice.”
He paused for a moment, swallowing hard.
“But Ky…” he soon continued, “Ky has a unique relationship with our father. Ever since Dury first found him, he’s been training my brother to be… well. To be a king, in essence. That’s been Ky’s whole life, from the time he was young, and it’s made things difficult for him, in a lot of ways.”
Frowning, I said, “Why would Tanwadur do that? Does Kylorian have some claim to the throne? I didn’t think anyone from my family stayed in Auden after Doldimar’s conquest.”
“Yes, that’s true. No legitimate members of your family stayed,” Hadrion said, “but the last king had a brother. One that people liked to pretend didn’t exist. That brother stayed behind when the rest of your family left. Centuries ago, he was the one who first established Auden’s many resistances, or he did so before the Dark Lord captured him.”
“And that brother had children, then?” I guessed. “Kylorian’s one of his descendants?”
Nodding, Hadrion said, “That’s it in a nutshell.”
But he immediately fell silent, carefully watching me.
I didn’t know why he was doing that. In fact-
“This is great!” I said. “I’ve always thought it was silly that the average citizen doesn’t get a choice in who leads them. Why would you leave it up to chance like we do? But this way, the people of Auden can decide which of us takes the throne! It would have to come after we defeat Doldimar, of course, but that could be a good thing too. Give us time to decide how we should do it and-”
Heart of my heart, you are missing another important bit.
Rapidly blinking, I forced myself not to visibly react to Nylion’s intrusion into my stream of thoughts. While Hadrion stared at me with confusion, I turned my attention to my other half.
What do you mean? I said.
An internal sigh was followed by: If Kylorian is truly descended from an estranged member of the Audish royal family, that means he is your cousin, if distantly. He is family.
Oh.
I… hadn’t considered that. Why did that idea feel so…?
I wasn’t sure how it felt.
Maybe that is why we recognized him, though, Nylion hurried to say.
Potentially.
But then, I had to return my attention to the world outside of my head. Kylorian wearily plopped onto the bench beside his brother, pushing a drink toward me, and I accepted it with a grin.
“So, given that you’re family, Hadrion and I were discussing how we might establish some method of letting the people decide who will become king, once this mess is finally cleaned up,” I said. “Any thoughts about that?”
Kylorian paused with his mug halfway lifted to his mouth. Licking his lips, he set it back down with his brow furrowed.
“Letting… the people choose?” he said. “You’d… you’d be willing to do that? Just… relinquish the throne?”
Snorting a laugh, I said, “Oh gods, yes. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not denying that I must play a kingly role for my own people right now. They’ve made it abundantly clear that I’m not getting a choice about that. But king of Auden? Honestly, I’d rather not. Plus, like I was saying, everyone should get to choose who leads them, no matter who they are.”
Tipping my glass and head toward Kylorian, I took a sip of my drink, relishing the slightly less than awful taste of the brandy he’d chosen for me.
“So… you’re suggesting that we compete for the crown,” Kylorian slowly said. “That’s…”
“I think it’s a great idea!” Hadrion interrupted. “It’d keep Dury happy but also—I don’t know—leave it up to chance, sorta. Maybe you could focus on something other than preparing to be king for once.”
“Huh.”
Once again, Kylorian seemed dumbstruck, but after a few heartbeats, he sharply nodded.
Extending his hand to me, he said, “I look forward to it, then. Let the Audish decide who will best lead them.”
So, they did shake hands here? Was it only done when making agreements instead of greetings?
Whatever.
Taking Kylorian’s hand, I firmly shook it. Once I’d released him, we both slumped into our seats, and Kylorian burst into laughter.
“You were right, Had-had,” he said. “I do like him.”
“Told you,” Hadrion said.
With a smirk, I said, “I’m glad to hear that, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. We still have a big, bad Dark Lord to push out of power before we can ever get to the succession question, right?”
“Fair enough.”
Sighing, Kylorian slung his arm to rest on the bench, behind his brother.
“I look forward to helping you with that,” he said, “but it can wait until tomorrow, yes? For now, let’s simply drink and enjoy one another’s company.”
“I can heartily agree to that,” I said, lifting my mug in the air toward my companions.
“Same,” Hadrion said.
He got halfway out of his seat to clunk his drink against mine, which subsequently spilled water all over the table. As he went red-faced, apologizing all the while, Kylorian and I good-naturedly ribbed him while hurrying to get things dry.
Perhaps… perhaps the older brother is not so bad, Nylion whispered inside. Whatever I saw in him the other day, it is not present now, and… it would be nice to have someone kind in the family for once.
I hardly paid attention to what he’d said, too busy teasing Hadrion for his spill. I might have far too much on my plate right now—how the hell should I choose where to attack next?—but Kylorian had made a good point. For now, I could let myself have this. I could take the time to relax with people I’d come to like. I could… be a friend. Not a king. Not a commander of armed forces. Not a primeancer. Not a chosen one of mysterious foretelling.
Just a friend.
Adventures of the Hand 1.1
Little
After waiting in a small copse of woods near the Birthing Grounds for six hours, I’d started getting frustrated with the group I was planning on infiltrating. For Alouin’s sake, dawn had been two hours ago! How long did it take to break camp and march the half-mile to this position?
I’d been tracking a group of Conscripted for the last day or so, following them after they’d finished cleaning up after the Harvest of a small village. What I’d seen there had been sticking in my brain since then, and while I couldn’t blame these Conscripted for what they’d done—they’d been putting horrendously injured people out of their misery—I wasn’t looking forward to what I might find at the end of the group’s return trip.
It was only another reason that I wanted them to show up. Better to reach their destination and scout the area as soon as possible. Only then could I return to somewhere full of sane people, even if they also weren’t exactly… safe.
Soon enough, I saw the Conscripted group on the horizon—finally—and once they’d reached my position, I slipped into the column toward the end, watching the others to see if anyone had noticed my addition. Fortunately, no one made a commotion, which was good. Given where we were headed, I very much wanted to enter the place with my weapons on me, rather than as one of the prisoners I’d occasionally seen being dragged by.
And on thinking about that, I almost stopped short. Here I was, once more doing something I’d sworn I’d never try again. I hadn’t been beholden to anyone since the Southern Kingdoms…
Well. Swearing my loyalty to Raimie would be worth it if it meant I got to work for a primeancer. Stories of those legendary magic users had kept me afloat when I was a kid. Before sleep could soothe me at night, I’d pretend that Ele primeancers were coming to my rescue or that I’d somehow attracted a Daevetch splinter. Imagining what I’d do to former clients if I had Daevetch at my command still kept me calm on nights when nightmares woke me up in a cold sweat.
That wasn’t a good subject to think about right now, though.
Now that I was here, I wasn’t sure what act I’d need to play for the brief time I was with these people. That could become especially problematic if they noticed my presence before we arrived.
Not that I was especially worried about that. For the most part, the Conscripted soldiers looked tired and tensed all to hell, a bearing I was well acquainted with.
That made sense, though. From what I understood, the Birthing Grounds, which Middle had assigned me to infiltrate, was one of the most horrific places in this kingdom.
When Middle had outlined the missions that the Hand would soon have to complete last week, I’d jumped on this one, precisely because of the place’s nature. While the other spies could certainly handle horror, I was the best fit for situations like this. Pointer, Thumb, and Ring might deal with their own ghosts from the past, sure. Still, they didn’t understand certain things about life. Not like I did.
So, here I was, about to walk into another of the worst places in the world, and while it might scare the shit out of me, I was also prepared to do it.
Hopefully.
As the group around me slowed down, I spied the edge of a gaping pit ahead, a sheer drop-off with no way into it. I’d been scouting around it for long enough to know that this was true.
Meaning, yes. I had no clue how this group of Conscripted planned on reaching the pit’s floor. The Conscripted weren’t Kiraak, those unnerving monsters who could fall from a height like this and somehow keep walking.
But that had been the point of infiltrating this group. This way, maybe I could figure out a means of entering the Birthing Grounds. That was what King Raimie—
I made a face at that thought. Kings and Little Lords and all other men of power could get annihilated in the void, so far as I was concerned.
—would need if he decided to attack this place.
When we reached the cliff’s edge, a rumble shook the ground, and as it gradually fell quiet, a man with black eyes hopped over the edge. While some of the Conscripted began filing into the space he’d left behind, he and the first of these soldiers stepped aside to talk.
But then, I reached the edge and had to stop short. The awful and awe-inspiring sights in front of me would allow nothing less.
Below my feet, a stone staircase led to the pit’s floor. Holes beneath each of this staircase’s steps showed where the material required for it had come from, and as if to further defy rational explanation, no mechanism joined each of them to the cliff, not any that were visible at least.
At the staircase’s base, the Birthing Grounds spread for a solid mile. Round and smooth, it looked like an ancient god had scooped a bowl from the earth, there to store water for its pet humans.
If water had ever filled this pit, it had long since drained away, leaving behind the perfect setting for a city dedicated to the transformation of decent and ordinary people into Kiraak. Squat buildings, made of stone and wood, were scattered across the pit’s floor, barracks for the Kiraak and Conscripted stationed here. Armored people strolled between these buildings, and even from up here, I recognized the black vines crawling under the skin of those who sauntered below my feet.
Shuddering, I choked down the summoned image of one such man loping toward me, even after his belly had been ripped open. The beach battle from months ago had most assuredly impressed the Kiraak’s unnatural abilities into my mind. Was I ready to walk into a den of such monsters, considering how difficult they were to kill?
Although… I supposed that my wants and desires about this didn’t matter anymore, did they? I’d have to go in there regardless.
At the center of the Birthing Grounds, a tall fence surrounded a crowd of people. From this far away, I couldn’t tell if they were Conscripted, prisoners, or Kiraak, but I could definitely see how much they’d shied away from the building inside that fence. The small, two-story home wouldn’t have looked out of place in Daira or any other human settlement, but here, among barracks and a shuffling Kiraak horde, the pleasant homestead screamed wrong.
I must not be the only one who felt that way. As I watched the scene, a pair of figures emerged from the house, seizing someone huddled by the fence, before dragging them inside. That helpless person’s screams reached me clear as a bell, even from as far away as I was .
I’d seen similar sights while scouting, of course. Even still, they had yet to stop freezing my heart over every time they happened.
Beside me, someone cleared their throat before saying.
“How long do you plan on wasting my time, boy?”
And as if in concert with that, another voice RUMBLED in my head.
You survived your first night. Good. We’ll see how you do the next time I visit.
It took everything I had to face the owner of that present-day voice. The lack of emotion in it yanked my stomach into a pinprick in my abdomen while squeezing my throat closed, and the man who’d spoken must see this. As he smirked, a shine passed through his black eyes.
“Forgive him, my better,” another person said. “He’s a new recruit. Hasn’t seen the Birthing Grounds’ glory before.”
Oh… shit. That was right. I was supposed to be infiltrating this place, not standing frozen like a little kid before a predator.
“He’s right,” I said. “Please, forgive me.”
And I bowed low, but as I did, I also directed a knowing smile at the black-eyed man. I knew what the hungry look that had flashed through his eyes meant, and I refused to let it cow me. Not anymore.
Fortunately, the black-eyed man seemed amused by my display. Huffing, he waved a hand.
“Well, now you’ve seen it. So, join your comrades below,” he said before pausing to half-smile at me, “and hope that I don’t drop you both while you descend.”
…Drop us?
At my side, the Conscripted who’d rescued me said, “Your threat will make us swift, my better.”
And it did. I raced the other man to the pit’s floor, sure with every step that stone would somehow give way beneath me. I wasn’t sure how these stairs were under the black-eyed man’s control, so as soon as my feet were planted on solid ground, I spun to watch that man make his descent.
After leaving each step behind, he waved a hand, and a stream of jet-black gloom eagerly rushed to it. With it seemingly the energy that had held the stairs aloft, each step flopped to the wall in its absence. Once he’d bounced onto the pit’s floor, the black-eyed man strode past me and my rescuer, not once looking at us.
Swallowing hard at the sight of that magical display, I said, “Thanks. Seems I owe you.”
With a half-smile, the Conscripted who’d rescued me scanned me from top to bottom.
“Yeah, you most certainly do,” he said. “You’ve got to be new here. Everyone knows they should avoid Enforcer Adrinosk’s notice, when possible.”
An Enforcer?
“Shit,” I said under my breath. “Seems I owe you more than I thought.”
It also seemed that with this, I might have unintentionally fallen into the role I’d play while in this enemy camp. Normally, a new recruit wasn’t the best one to play because most of the time, no one wanted to take an inexperienced fighter under their wing, but since I’d already found a ‘mentor’, I’d play the role to the best of my ability. Or until the situation required me to become something else, of course.
“So, when did you join up?” the Conscripted asked. “I don’t remember recruiting you before the Lindow Harvest. In fact, I don’t remember recruiting you at all.”
Of course he didn’t. Why would he, given what I’d done not a quarter mark before?
After glancing around for eavesdroppers, I leaned toward the other man.
“That’s because I joined on the road,” I whispered. “Figured I’d have a higher chance of conscription if I showed enough initiative to reach the Birthing Grounds without notice.”
This made the other man bark a laugh.
“Oh, I like you!” he said. “I hope our Captain doesn’t kill you. If he doesn’t, watching you bumble about should be entertaining.”
Huffing, I crossed my arms.
“I don’t plan on dying,” I said. “That’s why I’m here, yeah? Because becoming a Conscripted in our Dark Lord’s army has the highest survival rate in Auden.”
“True.”
As if to join me, the Conscripted soldier leaned forward as well, lifting a hand to his mouth.
“Unless you can find a rebels’ haven, that is,” he whispered behind it.
I jerked back, fighting to keep my face neutral, but this just made the soldier laugh.
“I’m joking, kid!” he said. “Come on, now. The others are probably checking in with our Overseer by now. We don’t want to be late for that meeting. Trust me.”
When he took off, I trotted behind him, soaking in the sights like a wide-eyed kid, or at least, that was how I hoped it would appear. In actuality, I was scanning every bit of this place, looking for tactical advantages.
So far, attacking the Birthing Grounds seemed like a bad idea, no matter how tempting cutting off Doldimar’s supply of Kiraak might be. Sure, Raimie and his soldiers would have the high ground here, but in this singular case, that advantage wouldn’t help much. If Ramie wanted to use the Birthing Grounds for his own purposes, his army couldn’t heavily damage the camp, and without a way to descend the cliffs, a battle for it would quickly turn into a siege. Other arms of Doldimar’s military would come to crush Raimie’s army long before they could starve out the Birthing Grounds’ defenders. Of course, Raimie might want to bombard this place into oblivion, but that didn’t seem like his style.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see a way to attack this place directly, but honestly? It wasn’t my job to come up with battle plans. I’d leave that task to people who were better at it, namely Raimie. Instead, I’d stick to my areas of expertise: observing and playing roles.
To align with that, I soon asked my guide, “Where are we going?”
“Raelinov’s quarters. He stays with the other Overseers here,” the Conscripted soldier said. “Though hopefully, he’ll receive another assignment soon. I can’t stand this place.”
Cocking my head, I said, “Why?”
Spinning to face me, the Conscripted soldier frowned.
“Because being here is a constant reminder of what will happen to us if we fail,” he said.
At that, I must have shown an appropriate amount of distress because the other man crookedly smiled.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “You’ve accidentally joined one of the best Conscripted squads in the Dark Lord’s army. We rarely fail our missions.”
“Good to know,” I said.
So, along with every other problem he’d find here, Raimie might encounter substantial resistance in the fight for this place as well.
“Oh! Is there anywhere I’m not allowed to go while we’re back at base?” I said, as if the thought had just occurred to me.
Shrugging, the Conscripted soldier said, “The whole of the Birthing Grounds is open to everyone, but… well. If I were you, I’d stay away from that house at the center.”
That had seemed obvious… but still, I asked.
“Why?”
Shuddering, the Conscripted soldier said, “Just take my advice and stay away from it.”
He faced forward, cutting off further questions, but for the moment, I didn’t have any more. As soon as I could get away, my next destination would be the fence-enclosed house that I’d seen before. It seemed likely that I might find secrets there, given how much a soldier stationed here had advised against visiting it.
Leaving squat barracks behind, the soldier and I advanced on a bunch of black specks, dotting the pits walls. These quickly revealed themselves as cave entrances, and on realizing that, I suppressed a disappointed sigh.
I’d hoped that maybe with catapults, trebuchets, and a laughable amount of time, Raimie’s people could bombard the Birthing Grounds into submissions—given their leader’s approval, of course—but if the enemy also had caves to escape into, that idea was worthless. Considering that, Raimie would be left with the option of a siege, which… well. I’d already gone through why that would be a bad idea.
Ahead of us, the group of Conscripted that I’d joined was waiting, and one soldier stepped out from among them.
“You’re late, Lieutenant,” he barked. “How did you fall so far behind?”
Trotting to a stop, my ‘mentor’ said, “Unfortunately, our newest recruit caught Adrinosk’s eye, Captain. I decided to help him out, so now, he owes me a favor. A big one.”
Oh… so, he was this squad’s lieutenant? That could be useful.
Scrunching his face up, the captain said, “I don’t remember recruiting anyone recently, and I certainly don’t remember doing that for someone so scrawny.”
Stopping in front of him, I ducked into a short bow.
“You picked me up in Lindow, sir,” I said, “and I’m not surprised you don’t remember me. I believe you said something about ‘usefully expendable’ when we met.”
The captain stared at me for so long that the moment painfully stretched, but I did nothing to provoke a response. I wasn’t worried about what the he'd say. Even if he called me out on my lie, I’d have no trouble with getting around the handful of soldiers standing between me and open air, and once I was outside, getting lost in the crowd should be simple enough. So, I wasn’t in any danger yet.
“Perhaps you’re right,” the captain begrudgingly said. “We can discuss it later. For now, our Overseer’s waiting for us. Stay in the back, recruit, and don’t say anything.”
“Yes, sir!”
As I loosely saluted, the captain rolled his eyes, pushing through the rest of the squad to open a set of doors.
“You are so lucky,” the lieutenant said under his breath. “I thought for sure he’d strike you down. Captain must be in a good mood. He doesn’t like lying very much, even ones as fantastic as yours.”
Good to know.
Still, I shrugged. In the previous, I’d only said what had had the highest probability of success. A long, long time ago, I’d learned how to read people, so putting that skill to use here had been simple.
Following their captain, the twenty or so people in this squad filed into a large room. While no furniture occupied it, maps painted the walls. Pins were poked through their parchment, marking towns and other clusters of humanity. Two green ones were jabbed through villages on the map’s edges while a smattering of blues and yellows decorated the middle. A big, red pin conspicuously marked the recently Harvested town of Lindow.
Overseer Raelinov was studying one of those maps, refusing to move even after the doors had slammed shut. While my squad waited upon his pleasure, I shoved my way into the center of their cluster, blatantly disobeying orders. If I’d stayed in the back, I wouldn’t have had a decent view of this meeting’s proceedings, and I’d need that.
I hoped I could get something useful out of it.
Adventures of the Hand 1.2
Little
Soon enough, the Overseer faced the Conscripted squad, which made me gulp. The man’s skin was barely visible over the sheet of Corruption bulging beneath it.
“Report,” he said.
The squad’s captain took a step forward, crossing his arms behind his back.
“Per your orders, we’ve been tracking a group of rebels for the last few weeks, and as you suspected, they led us to several pockets of resistance,” he said. “We wiped out any of them who were foolish enough to remain in place after their visitors departed. A small number of them fled before we could join with the Kiraak to attack, but besides those minor exceptions, the rebels were slaughtered to a man.”
“This is good news,” Raelinov said with a grim smile. “And what of those you followed? Did you eliminate them as well?”
As the captain stiffened, an uneasy air fell over the room, which confused me. This squad had done as they’d been ordered, so they should be fine. Right?
Unless this was one of those situations where the person in power expected more from his subordinates than mere competence, which if it was...
Well. This squad's captain might be fucked. I hadn't had to deal with circumstances like that in a while, and I wasn't looking forward to the possibility of facing them again now.
Stiffly, the captain said, “No, my better. That group managed to elude us.”
“I see.”
But then, the Overseer sighed, waving as if to shoo away an annoying bug, and some among the squad relaxed.
“Oh well,” he said. “I’d hoped for… but no. Such a task would have been impossible for a squad of your capabilities, and if I’d added Kiraak to your ranks, those people would have smelled them from a while away.”
Still, the captain remained a statue, even as the Overseer returned to studying his maps. Maybe this would turn out ok...?
“Is there anything else you wish to add?” Raelinov asked.
Cautiously, the captain said, “No, my better. May we-?”
“Are you sure?” the Oversee interrupted.
“I-!”
Slumping, the captain rubbed his face before turning to the squad. He met his lieutenant’s eyes, giving a nod that the other man returned, but then, he faced forward once more with a straight back.
“No, my better,” he said.
“Hmm.”
Oh, shit. The tone in the Overseer's voice...
Spinning in place, that intimidating man strode forward until he was nose-to-nose with the captain.
“I see you have a new addition to your squad,” he said.
With a deep sigh, the captain closed his eyes.
“Yes, my better,” he said. “He’s apparently from Lindow.”
“I see,” Overseer Raelinov said. “That’s good. It means your presence won’t be missed.”
Snatching the captain by the throat, Raelinov squeezed his hold. Corruption-free fingers clawed at that black-vined stranglehold while the captain struggled to unsheathe his sword, but twisting the weapon away from him, Raelinov claimed it as his own before shoving it through the captain’s body. Its bloody tip was thrust from between his shoulder blades, and as a strangled gurgle came from the man, I- I-
The dagger’s point plunges into the child’s chest, and as instructed, I continue laying on her hips, holding her down as she breathes her last and blood trickles from the stone slab to the drains on the floor.
And all I can think is: it wasn’t me this time. I didn’t get picked. Not me. Not cowardly, stupid, undeservedly lucky me.
FUCK that memory, straight to the void!
Fiercely biting my lip, I struggled to swallow the noise my body wanted to make. Even if I’d never expected to find something like it here, I was well aware of how disastrous any noise would be in this situation, and the Conscripted around me seemed to know this as well. They kept their eyes fixed forward as their captain’s limbs stopped twitching and Raelinov tossed the body to the side.
“Which one of you is this man’s lieutenant?” he snapped.
Without expression, my ‘mentor’ stepped forward, and the Overseer nodded.
“Were you aware that the man who would call himself king, Kylorian, was leading the group that you were tracking?” he asked.
With a tight jaw, the lieutenant said, “We learned of it after he and his people escaped us, my better.”
“Good. You see?”
Raelinov patted the lieutenant’s shoulder.
“Telling the truth isn’t so hard, now. Is it?” he asked.
“Not when it’s in service to the Dark Lord,” the lieutenant said through gritted teeth.
“Too true,” Raelinov said with a giggle. “And so, it appears you’ve earned a promotion, Captain. Enjoy your new post. You and your squad have no further assignments for the foreseeable future, so go forth and enjoy the Birthing Grounds’ comforts, such as they are.”
“Thank you, my better,” the lieutenant said.
As one, the Conscripted around me bowed low while I followed their lead, and once finished, their new captain led us into open air. Silently, they headed for a nearby barrack, and while I followed them, I wasn’t sure if I should keep doing that.
What had happened back there… I might be used to violence like that—I had to be, considering my job—but it had been so unexpected, coming out of the blue, and that… that…
It reminded me of life in the Southern Kingdoms. Hell, I needed to get out of here. I couldn’t be in a place like that again, no way in…
But wait. I wasn’t trapped in this place like I had been back then. I was here to help free this land, giving its people the chance that I’d been given so long ago.
So, for a while, I kept following the squad, even if now would be a great time to investigate that fenced-in home. These soldiers were distracted enough that they might not notice me missing.
If anyone did notice that, though, it would probably cause a stir. No matter that Raelinov had probably meant to kill that captain even if he and his squad had done everything perfectly, my presence in that room had been the excuse the Overseer had used to murder that poor man. Who knew how his squad felt about me now?
Soon enough, we reached their barrack, and after its door had swung shut with me on the other side, I waited to see if anything would happen, but when a few minutes had crawled by without interruption, I tentatively decided that these people must not care about me, which came as a relief. Dealing with twenty vengeful soldiers wasn’t something I ever wanted to do.
Right when I’d been about to depart, though, the door opened, and the new captain poked his head outside.
“You,” he said, pointing at me. “Inside. Now.”
Shit.
A single, open room made up the barrack’s interior, and supplies were lined along its walls. The squad was circled around the center of the room, and when I strode inside, the beefiest of them leaned against the door with his arms crossed.
Just like that, I’d been surrounded, not that I’d have preferred my other options right now. Leading this new captain on a chase through the Kiraak-infested Birthing Grounds would have been conspicuous, and I couldn’t have lost the man as quickly as I would have with the head start I’d had in the caves.
So, I nervously cleared my throat.
“I’m sorry about your captain,” I said. “I didn’t mean-”
“We don’t blame you for Ibelfer’s death,” the new captain interrupted. “Trust me. That was merely our bastard Overseer asserting his dominance, yet again. No, we’re here to decide if we’re going to keep you or not.”
Well, that was a relief. Still, I had to make a good impression on this squad.
So, I said, “I see. Well, my name is-”
Shaking her head, a woman said, “No names. If we keep you, you’ll be Private and nothing more. Names have power, after all.”
Sucking in a breath, I froze on hearing the repetition of that phrase before shaking myself.
“Yes,” I quietly said. “Yes, they do.”
But then, I frowned.
“But didn’t you just call your captain by name?”
Shifting in place, the burly man by the door said, “He did. Captain, can we please get this over with? We’re not planning on keeping him, right? His ignorance is irritating.”
“You were just as annoying when you were a private, Corporal,” the new captain said. “Or have you forgotten?”
While the corporal mumbled under his breath, his captain turned to me.
“If you stay with us, kid, and you survive long enough to see a new recruit conscripted, you’ll tell that soldier your name,” he said, “and when you die, we’ll learn your name from them. It’s easier that way. No personal attachments.”
I slowly nodded, surprised by the practicality of this tradition. Sure, joining a Conscripted squad might have a higher survival rate in this kingdom, but it was still Auden, a land where living to one’s third decade was considered lucky.
It might also be why none of these people seemed as shaken as they should be about their captain’s death. They certainly didn’t look happy, mind you! Just not… in shock.
Shaking my head, I asked, “So, how do I prove myself to you?”
At that, most of the squad cocked their heads or narrowed their eyes, which only made me sigh.
“What?” I said. “You said that you haven’t decided if I’m worthy enough to be in your squad. So, how do I prove my worth? Do I need to smuggle weapons into enemy territory?”
In an eyeblink, a full-length dagger and three throwing knives were in my hands.
“Or should I prove that I know how to use them?”
I flung a knife at the corporal. As he ducked away from the door, that burly man drew his sword, lumbering toward me, and I tossed my remaining knives at him, one at a time. The corporal blocked the first, but to do so, he moved his arm into the second’s path. Its pommel smacked into the inside of his elbow, and hissing, he dropped his sword.
Smirking, I said, “Or should I show you how to take advantage of your environment?”
Leaping for the fallen weapon, I kicked dirt into the corporal’s eyes. While he retreated, rubbing his eyes, I retrieved his unclaimed sword, which had the other members of this squad going for their blades.
“Or should I give you an example of the best time to leave?”
Slamming through the cleared doorway, I spun to close it, jimmying my dagger into the wood to keep it shut, and when it shuddered against my body, I grinned.
“Or should I show you how to successfully retreat?” I shouted.
The pounding on the door’s wood increased in ferocity until the captain’s voice rose in a roar above it, and in the blissful quiet that fell, I waited.
“Private, I’m only going to ask you this once,” the captain called. “Open this damn door.”
“Does that mean I pass?” I asked, smirking to myself.
“Yes!” the captain shouted. “Now, let us out.”
Stepping back, I warily yanked my dagger out of the door’s jam, holding my borrowed sword at the ready, but when the door opened, only cheering assaulted me.
Still rubbing grit out of his eyes, the corporal moved toward me with a smile.
“Good show!” he said. “I wasn’t expecting you to fight dirty. You’ve got good instincts, Private.”
He patted my shoulder before extending a hand.
“I’d like my sword back, if you don’t mind.”
Reluctantly, I handed the weapon over, still watching the corporal for signs of an imminent attack, but he merely sheathed the sword before ruffling my hair.
“You’ve taken my spot, Private. Thank you,” he said before bowing. “I’m Montagor.”
He’d whispered the name as if it were sacred, which sent a flutter of unease through my guts.
Shifting in place, I said, “It’s… a good name.”
Grinning, the corporal waved off the compliment.
“Come inside,” he said. “We’ll send someone for ale, and while we wait, you can tell us how you learned to fight like that.”
Great. Seemed I’d charmed this group of soldiers. That could be useful… or it could be a waste of time. I wasn’t sure yet.
But I still had a role to play, so with a laugh, I joined the squad inside their barrack.
Adventures of the Hand 1.3
Little
Later, I eased the barrack door shut behind me, backing away from it. Picking my way through snoring, drink-addled Conscripted soldiers without waking them up had been a tad difficult for me, considering sneaking and nimble feet had never been my specialty. Those tasks were more suited for Ring or Pointer, but somehow, I’d managed it tonight.
Besides that annoyance, my skill set had almost fortuitously matched up with this infiltration’s challenges. Reading a room or a client and becoming the person needed in the moment were skills that I’d mastered long ago, and those had helped with my chosen task.
One of the reasons I’d picked the Birthing Grounds to infiltrate was because it had been the most difficult of the options laid before the Hand. I’d thought the challenge of it would be a welcome change from the boredom of sailing and the monotony of fighting. I wasn’t a soldier, damnit! I was a spy.
So, when the choices presented to me had been investigating Doldimar’s workshop of Kiraak or an extensive list of trading towns, I’d jumped on the one interesting task on the list. I hadn’t thought about what might happen if I successfully infiltrated the place.
For one thing, I’d realized that the soldiers that I’d killed during the battle two months ago might have been like the people in the squad I’d left behind, and that made my stomach hurt. Middle and Pointer would laugh at my naivety, but they’d fought in battles before, many of them. I’d joined the Hand in a time of peace, a time when little killing had been required of me. If I was called to fight once more, could I bury the knowledge that each enemy soldier I would face had a life outside of the battlefield, especially given my reaction to the beach battle now?
Softly laughing, I shook my head, not sure why I was worrying about that. I doubted it would be a problem, considering how many other things I’d had to mentally shove to the side in the past.
When I eventually reached the house at the center of the Birthing Grounds, the gate for the fence around it was locked, something that shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. The captain of the squad I’d joined had claimed that the Birthing Grounds was open to all, so I’d assumed that would mean no locks. Apparently, I’d been wrong.
On testing how much space I could coax from in between the gate and its fence, I made a face. The fit would be tight, but I’d rather thread through this opening than climb over the fence or pick its lock. Again, that was a specialty for another member of the Hand, Thumb in this case, and if I hadn’t gained any weight in the last month…
I squeezed through the gap by the barest of margins, ripping my tunic on the way. Sucking on a finger, I ran my eyes over the yard around the house, unsurprised by how little I could see in the dim light.
Even still, when clothing rustled somewhere nearby, I skipped away from the noise.
From out of the shadows, a woman asked, “Are you… you’re not one of Doldimar’s, are you? Can you help me?”
“Please, help me!” I cry at the woman who’s come to retrieve her husband.
Snarling, she kicks at me, calling me…
“…a bad boy! How dare you! How dare-!”
“I’m sorry,” I sharply said. “I can’t help. Not now. I’ve got a job to do.”
Wincing, I turned away from the woman, and as I raced across the grass, her sobs chased me. I reminded myself that I’d spoken the truth, stopping the shudder that wanted to race across my skin. I couldn’t help her, but maybe Raimie could. The sooner I finished with scouting this place, the sooner I could report to the king, and the sooner the army could free this place… if the king chose to take it.
That reasoning did nothing to banish a deep well of guilt inside.
While skirting the house, I looked for points of ingress. If I wanted to keep my presence here undetected, I couldn’t waltz through the front door as if I belonged. Fortunately, this house had been poorly constructed. Given enough pressure, its daub walls crumbled beneath my fingers, and after making my way to a second-story window, I slipped inside.
The smell hit me first. The stink of sweat and fear were so familiar that they brought tears to my eyes, setting my stomach roiling. A metallic scent of spilled blood delicately intertwined with the other two, and on noting it, I gagged, fighting against a long-buried memory…
My first client of the day leaves, and I let myself relax. So far, I'm not too badly hurt. I can keep going, maybe earn enough coin for two meals today instead of one. Please, let it be so.
When my next client knocks, it pulls me out of bed with silent complaints, but still, I get up. Unfortunately, when I open the door, I know I’ve gotten unlucky. The big man on the other side is one of my regulars—
“…survived your first night.”
—so I know EXACTLY what to expect.
No, no, no, no, NO! I… wasn’t there anymore. I wasn’t…
With difficulty, I pushed that Alouin damned memory away before it could get to the worst parts. Spitting the remnants of vomit out of my mouth, I winced at the pile of it at my feet, wiping my fingers on my tunic. So much for staying undetected.
It was fine, though. I could… do this. I could.
So.
With my eyes having adjusted to the dark, I scanned my surroundings. I was in a child’s room, complete with a toy wooden sword and rocking horse, and this peaceful setting created a strange sense of disconnect with the memory that a smell had just provoked.
Retreating into the hall, I searched the top floor on shaky legs, growing steadily more confused as I did. So far, this house seemed like just that: a home. From the way the captain had reacted to it, I’d expected something more than this.
When I reached the foyer downstairs, its normal state—populated with traditional decorations and furniture—finished my climb back into a fully rational state. Two doors flanked the staircase in the center of this room. Perhaps what had everyone in the Birthing Ground so afraid lay behind them.
When I slipped through one of the doors, what sense of normalcy the rest of the house had exuded was shattered on the other side, nearly ruining my own regained rationality. Here, the first floor had been hollowed out to make room for lines of people, hanging from the ceiling by their wrists. Blood was pooling beneath their feet, dripping from the lacerations that coated their bodies, and so much of it puddled beneath them that it had stained the floor red.
On the far side of the room, a man was standing in front of a prisoner, humming. The blue tinge in his blonde hair glistened in the firelight while black armor tightly encased his body, and while I watched, checking whether he’d noticed me, shadows gathered around his burn-scarred hand. He needled those shadows into a cut on the prisoner’s stomach, and she moaned, weakly struggling against her chains.
Holding my breath, I reached for the latch behind me. This room and the scene I’d found in it? I needed to escape from it now, before the other man saw me, but before I could get out, the same shadows from earlier darted for my face. I dove to the side, barely dodging that bolt, and when I sprang back to my feet, the other man was standing nearby with his gray eyes narrowed.
Shit. I was so fucked.
Adventures of the Hand 1.4
Little
The hostile Eselan was much too close, so I stumbled backward until a wall halted my retreat. Hell. How was I getting out of this ?
“What are you?” the Eselan asked. “Not a Kiraak. I don’t sense Corruption in you. I suppose you could be sworn to me, but that’s unlikely. You’re not cowering enough to be one of those weaklings.”
With his head cocked, he paused, as if listening to someone.
“Corruption says you have Ele’s stench on you, but you’re obviously not a primeancer,” he eventually continued. “What are you?”
He stepped toe-to-toe with me, leaving me plastered against the wall, and as a hungry look overtook the Eselan, I forcibly stopped a scream from emerging, leaving it unsung against the block in my throat.
“Are you from him?” the Eselan asked. “Are you a gift of entertainment?”
He narrowed his gray eyes again.
“Your name,” he demanded.
And coughing, I was helpless to say anything but, “Lornilen.”
Deep in the past, a witch of a woman snaps at me.
“Names hold power, young wretch!”
As the voice faded, I snapped my eyes wide with a gasp. I hadn’t used that name since Middle had recruited me, so many years ago. It carried too much… history. Why the hell would I speak it now? Sure, this Eselan might remind me of clients from long ago, but that shouldn’t be enough to drag such a reluctant truth from me.
Frowning, the Eselan retreated half a step, running his eyes over me.
“Hmm,” he said. “You’ve experienced devastation of the soul, haven’t you?”
But he hadn’t asked it like a true question. Still, I couldn’t let him be the one to speak my own damn story, so I gritted my teeth and forced myself to admit a most unwelcome truth.
“I have a pretty face. It hasn't helped me over the years.”
Something shifted behind the Eselan’s eyes while he distractedly nodded.
“I understand. More than you can know,” he said.
But then, he stepped back into my personal space with his head cocked.
“Do you know an Ele primeancer, Lornilen?” he asked. “He’d try to fade into the background, only revealing his power as a last resort.”
Oh, thank Alouin. I had an answer for this question. Something about our interaction was screaming mortal danger to me, something more than the bodies hanging nearby or the way this man was looking at me, and I wasn’t keen on finding out what that meant.
“There was an Eselan, Rhylix, who matched your description,” I said, “but I’m sorry to say that he’s dead. Several people attacked him last week. He succumbed to his injuries shortly after that.”
The Eselan mouthed the name ‘Rhylix’, but then, he shook his head.
“He’s not dead, can’t be,” he said. “No, he’ll be the newest person attached to your leader, whoever that happens to be.”
Strangely, I believed this claim. In the short time I’d known the man, Rhylix had pulled off many unbelievable feats. It wouldn’t surprise me to learn that he'd somehow faked his death.
As if to draw my attention back to my peril, the Eselan flinched before turning aside.
“I don’t want to kill him yet,” he growled. “I’m trying to… hell, I hate you.”
Shit. How would I escape from this catastrophe?
No. That was the wrong question, always had been. The right one was: who did I need to become so that this crazy Eselan let me live?
Best to start with the most commonly desired ‘victim demeanor’.
With my lip trembling, I hesitantly said, “Please, sir. I- I’ll do anything you…”
Trailing off, I frowned. Given the way the Eselan was now looking at me, that role didn’t seem right.
“You’ll never get me to talk, though!” I said, trying again.
And… no. That wasn’t right either.
Peeling myself off of the wall, I forcibly brushed past the Eselan, striding to where I could poke at a hanging prisoner. That hapless man swung back and forth with each pass blocking my view of the Eselan, thank Alouin.
“Hell if I know how you want me to act,” I said. “You’re impossible to read.”
Which was disconcerting. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d failed with this simplest of tasks.
When the Eselan burst into laughter, slapping at his knee, I tensed, watching him as I distractedly swung the prisoner once more. Eventually, the Eselan calmed down.
Wiping his eyes, he said, “You know what? I’ll make you a deal. I’m going to ruin your pretty face—”
A knife materialized in the Eselan’s hand.
“—and if you can keep from flinching while I do that, then maybe, I’ll let you go. If not, I’ll kill you.”
Oh, Alouin. No. Please, no. Fuck, fuck, fuck-!
STOP IT!
Slowly, I forced myself to take a steadying breath. Right now, I couldn’t be emotional. I must look at this situation as if it were a transaction, as so much of my life had been. If I did that, then there was only one way to answer this unhinged man.
“Honestly, you’d be doing me a favor.”
Shrugging, I waved at the ground.
“Can I at least sit while you’re working, though? A man can only take so much pain before his legs give out.”
Fleeing or fighting hadn’t even crossed my mind. If that earlier display of shadows was any indication, then this Eselan was a Daevetch primeancer. I wouldn’t make it to the door before a bolt of that energy tore a hole through me, and I knew from past experience that I could handle any pain that this man might choose to inflict. So, which would I rather keep? My looks or my life?
As said, it was a relatively simple transaction.
Grinning, the Eselan gestured to a spot in front of him.
“Please, sit.”
I did as I was told, shifting on the floor until I was comfortable. Once I’d gotten settled, the Eselan joined me so that our knees were touching. Perched so close together, we might have looked like children playing a game, if not for our ages and the knife between us.
That brightly flashing knife.
Clasping my hands in my lap, I said, “Whenever you’re ready.”
So, the Eselan lifted the thin blade, resting it on my skin. He hummed a strange tune as he cut and mangled my flesh.
For my part, I sat motionless. Sure, there was pain here, but pain was a friend. It was a reminder that I was alive. That I hadn’t wasted away in my former home.
Still, while the mind might be strong, the body was weak, and I had to clench my hands to keep them from shaking.
After what seemed like an eternity, the Eselan finished with one side of my face, and while he worked on the other, I retreated to the one happy place in my mind.
My final client of the day is due at any moment, and I’m scrambling to get this room straightened up. Before I'm finished, a knock comes, and I answer it, as I must. The man behind the door doesn’t look like the type to visit a place like this, but I learned long ago how deceiving appearances can be.
Stepping to the side, I wave him inside.
“Please, come in.”
Reluctantly crossing the threshold, the man stops short on fully seeing the room. Squeezing around my client, I lie on the bed with my arms behind my head. This man seems uncomfortable, shifting in place, and I internally groan. I prefer it when the client knows what they want because then, I don’t have to think. I only need to react, letting me send my mind elsewhere.
“What’s your name?” I ask, innocently blinking.
The wide-eyed routine usually works well with these types.
“Oswin,” my client says.
Ah. If he decided to go with a name like that, maybe the man does know what he wants. He isn’t Eselan, if his features are anything to go by. Therefore, choosing a name that’s typical for the world’s second race must have been deliberate. I can work with this.
Sitting up, I fold my hands into my lap.
“Forgive me, sir. My magic is quite rusty.”
Glancing down, I force a blush into my cheeks.
“I can’t make it any bigger than it already-”
“No!”
Shooting his hand up, the client clutches at his forehead, wincing.
“It’s not like that,” he says. “Oswin’s really my name, a cruel joke on my parent’s part.”
Now I’m thoroughly confused. Relaxing my pose, I sprawl across the bed, looking my client up and down.
“Why are you here, then?” I ask. “You’re obviously not interested in my body, and I don’t own anything else of value.”
Oswin makes a funny noise in the back of his throat, squeezing his eyes closed.
“I’m here because of your parents,” he chokes out. “We were well acquainted before they moved to the Southern Kingdoms. Grew up together in Daira’s Audish slums, in fact. Even after they moved, we wrote to one another. They always joked about how I’d be their kid’s godparent, if they had one. When I learned they’d passed, I used up my resources looking for you. Finding you took longer than I’d have liked, and I’m sorry for that.”
I’ve decided this client is speaking gibberish or… something. That or this is an incredibly elaborate fantasy on his part.
“I may have a job for you,” Oswin continues. “I’ve heard you’re quite good at reading your… client’s moods. It’s probably why you’ve lasted this long without gaining a disfigurement. The Queen of Ada’ir could use someone like you in her Hand.”
Oh… I get it now. This is a scenario I’m familiar with.
Rising from the bed, I say, “Well, master spy, I’m not terribly exceptional at blending into a crowd or finding things, but I’m sure I can manage tonight.”
I reach for the man, but he snatches my hands before I can get anywhere close to my goal.
“Lornilen, I’m serious!” he shouts.
For a moment, time stops for me, leaving the room spinning, and I drop onto the bed. Heavily.
Clients aren’t supposed to know my name—
“NAMES HAVE POWER!”
—and the house madam had always been diligent when it comes to withholding them. A client learning my true name can impinge upon my safety, and I make the house too much money for its owners to take the risk.
“You’re… telling the truth?” I hesitantly ask.
“I am. I knew your parents, and I can give you a job. A much more wholesome one,” Oswin says. “I can take you away from this place. Is that what you want?”
Is that what I want? What sort of question is-?
My body’s shaking. Why is it shaking? What’s going-?
Bursting into tears, I wail my answer into this hell-like room.
“YES!”
The knife was pulled away from my face for a final time, and reluctantly, I returned to the present. In front of me, the Eselan grunted with his brow furrowed.
“No flinching,” he said.
Why had he sounded so surprised?
“Does that mean I can go?” I asked.
Hell, that had hurt. With each word, fire had lanced through my open wounds, cracking them ever wider, and I fought to keep from swiping at the blood seeping over my mouth and chin.
Turning to the side, the Eselan grimaced.
“No! That was impressive,” he hissed. “I’m not killing him! So, shut up, pest.”
Odd that he was still speaking with something that wasn’t there. Then again… maybe it was best not to focus on that. Maybe it was best to listen to the helpful part.
The Eselan meant to let me go.
“I’ll leave you with your playthings, then,” I said with difficulty.
Rapidly blinking, the Eselan fixed his eyes on me before roughly jerking away.
“What-?!”
I held still, praying no further horror was coming, while the Eselan’s face morphed from confusion to something… unexpected.
“Fuck,” he breathed out. “What did I…?”
Falling forward, he collapsed on himself, hiding his face in his hands.
“You should get out. Now,” he said. “I don’t know when Corruption’s coming back. I don’t know if I can… Just get out. Please.”
I didn’t know what to make of this, but then again, I didn’t care about understanding right now. Instead, I focused on leaving the room.
Getting to my feet took almost all of the energy I had, making me trudge if I wanted to move. I’d almost made it to the door before the Eselan’s voice stopped me short.
“I know it’s a lot to ask,” he said through his hands, “but if you see that Rhylix person again, could you give him a message? Tell him Arivor received his letter and says hello.”
It took me a moment to process what the Eselan had said. That man had ruined my face, and now, he was asking for something else? What the hell?
But… on the other hand, his request was relatively simple. Given that it involved Raimie’s friend, maybe it could help the king in some way, and that was the primary purpose of a spy from a Hand.
So, I tiredly nodded before leaving through the front door. I shuffled through the yard, and when I reached the gate, the woman from before burst into laughter.
“I see you completed your work with regaling success,” she sarcastically said.
Actually, yes, I had, and in more ways than that woman could know. I knew where the Kiraak were made in the Birthing Grounds, a location of prime importance in my king’s revolt. When we eventually took this place, Raimie would be able to more quickly finish his work here if he knew exactly which building to target first. If my looks had been the price needed for that knowledge, so be it.
Given that, it was relatively easy to ignore the woman’s cackling as I left the house with its fence behind.
Adventures of the Hand 1.5
Little
Fortunately for me, the Birthing Grounds seemed to follow a day-night cycle. As I dazedly wandered between barracks, weaving all the while, no one was outside to mock my stumble or notice my wounds. I was grateful for the silence all around me, a respite I needed if I was going to box up my pain yet again.
“Private! Where do you think you’re going?”
Or maybe that pain had been distracting me. How had I not noticed the only person outside right now? As I stopped short, trying to figure out where the voice had come from, the captain from the Conscripted squad I’d ‘joined’ glided in front of me, sucking in a breath when he saw my face.
Digging through his pockets, he said, “I told you to stay away from the center of the Birthing Grounds! Hell. Seems you’ve met our Dark Lord, huh?”
Despite how much it hurt, I squeaked, “That was Doldimar? He’s insane!”
Which only made the captain quirk an eyebrow.
“Why does that surprise you?” he said before handing me a capped jar and several clean strips of cloth. “That’s a salve and some bandaging for when the bleeding stops. Always good to keep those on hand when you’re Conscripted. Anyway, they should keep infection from setting in while you travel. I’d tell you to see a healer before you go anywhere, but I’d guess from your hurried pace that you need to reach Tiro as soon as possible.”
“Thanks,” I numbly said. “I’m sure I’ll-”
But then, what he’d said sank in, and I took a step back.
“Tiro?!”
“Sure,” the captain said with a grin. “You work for Ky, right?”
Oh, I couldn’t handle this right now, not with everything else on my plate. I needed… I needed to leave, damnit.
So, I snapped, “Who the hell is Ky?”
I’d never heard that name before, but given how often it had come up today, perhaps I should learn who it belonged to.
“Oh, cut the bull, Private. I knew you were a spy from the moment you slunk into our column ,” the captain said. “Thought it was strange that you didn’t reach out when I gave you an opening earlier, so I wasn’t sure who your master was until I saw your face. Only those of us who work for Kylorian are crazy enough to endure something like that.”
As he waved at my face, I fought to keep it still instead of grimacing as I might like. This was not good.
“I don’t work for a ‘Kylorian’,” I said. “You’ve mistaken me.”
Gingerly, I tried to step around the captain, but a hand on my shoulder kept me from striding away.
“Then, who do you serve?” the captain said. “You are a spy, right?”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Discovery was not an option!
…Or was that the early days of my training creeping up on me again? I… I was having a hard time with focusing right now.
“Let me leave without a fuss, Captain, and maybe I won’t report you to Enforcer Adrinosk,” I said, keeping my voice as cold as possible.
Please, for Alouin’s sake, say the captain would be scared off by my threat.
Unfortunately, it seemed to have only made the captain chuckle.
“You are!” he once again insisted. “If you were Doldimar’s creature, you’d have run for the nearest Overseer long before now.”
Ho.ly. hell. Why was this man so persistent?
“Maybe I’m just returning the favor you paid me,” I hissed.
But the captain shook his head.
“Even someone as new as you has had loyalty driven in deep,” he said. “Fear of him would have had you reporting my behavior as soon as possible, regardless of the favor you owe or any danger I might present.”
I could say nothing more. I’d run out of protests, but I also couldn’t agree with the captain, could I? What if this was a trap? What if this was…?
Hell, I was getting dizzy.
Sighing, the captain shook his head, staring at the ground.
“Look,” he said. “I may have found myself leading one of Doldimar’s best Conscripted squads, but I didn’t start here. I come from Tiro. Kylorian, Tanwadur’s eldest son, recruited me for his resistance soon after my hometown’s Harvest drove me to their refuge. He sent me and my partner, Ibilfer, to this place so we could serve as an early warning system for other towns’ Harvests.”
Crossing my arms, I pursed my lips, which I immediately regretted. Damn these cuts.
This man hadn’t given me enough proof of his association with Tiro. The enemy could have gleaned the information he'd shared through intelligence work. Even Overseer Raelinov had known Kylorian’s name. So, why should I trust this man?
“For Alouin’s sake!” the captain said. “Ibilfer and I sent the warning to Ren about Lindow’s Harvest. I know it got to her late, but we did the best we could!”
Now, Ren’s forewarned information on Lindow was something the enemy probably didn’t know about, not with how little time had passed between then and now, but I couldn’t be sure about that. The captain seemed genuine, but my confrontation with Doldimar had left me shaken.
That Eselan had read as dangerous and bloodthirsty in one moment and confused and compassionate in the next. It had been the first time I couldn’t read someone in a while, and the temporary loss of my greatest ability had made me antsy. So, could I trust the captain?
I’d have to take a chance with it. If I didn’t get past this man sometime in the next few minutes, I might end up collapsing on him instead.
“Yes, I’ve come from Tiro as well, but I don’t serve your master,” I said. “I’ve never met a Kylorian, but me and mine only recently reached Auden. I might have missed him in the chaos of our arrival.”
“Does that mean you’re from the Matvai Homeland?” the captain asked. “Why would the clans suddenly join the resistance? That would be… surprising.”
Matvai… Homeland? Alouin, there was so much my people don’t know about this place.
“No, we’re not part of any clan,” I said. “We’re from Ada’ir.”
That just made the captain look confused.
“It’s a kingdom across the sea?” I made myself continue.
“Across the sea…” the captain said before trailing off.
It took him a moment to process that, and as he did, I wondered if I could leave now. I needed to rest. Soon.
“But… we haven’t heard from those kingdoms in years,” the captain eventually continued. “They have no stake in our fight, not since Doldimar closed the border to trade. Unless-”
Disquiet captured his face, and I clicked my tongue.
“Look, I have to go. Now,” I said. “I need to get some rest somewhere safe, and then, I should return to my king as soon as possible. This salve might help with keeping these cuts from festering, but I can't get them sutured until after I’ve delivered my report.”
The captain, however, seemed to be too caught up in realization to listen.
“You said king,” he said. “Could it be true? Will those ridiculous, old foretellings actually be fulfilled?”
And finally, I’d had enough.
“Captain!” I loudly hissed. “I need to leave the Birthing Grounds! Now.”
“Alouin, I…”
With a hand in his hair, the captain roughly shook his head before turning aside.
“My people and I have a secret escape route here,” he said. “I’ll take you to it.”
When he strode off in a daze, I reluctantly followed. Tempting as an easy escape was, I wasn’t sure if I should follow this man. If he'd figured out that his foretold king had returned, he might become hostile. Over the last few months, it had happened enough in Tiro to make me cautious.
As if attuned to my suspicions, the captain said, “So, the Audish royal family has returned. What’s the heir like? Is he a monster like everyone thought he’d be?”
Snorting, I said, “Hardly.”
It was difficult to contain the chuckle that wanted to emerge, but if talking was agony for me, how would laughter feel?
When I could continue, I said, “Raimie’s everything the commoners would want from their king. He’s smart, honorable, and fair. Sure, he has flaws as well, but unlike most people, he’s aware of them. He’s a bit too modest for me, perhaps a bit too self-deprecating for the average person, but those are my only complaints about him.”
While waiting for the captain’s response, I cautiously explored my wounds. Blood was congealed into thick lines around each cut while a thin veneer coated everything else. They’d be ready for my gifted salve as soon as I’d escaped from this place.
As he led me into a cave, the captain said, “The foretelling insists that your king is destined to overthrow Doldimar, and while seer magic may have its strengths, it’s notoriously fickle at times too. It would reassure me to know if this Raimie has some semblance of a plan.”
Much as it hurt, I had to laugh at that.
“Well, a few months ago, his army destroyed Teron’s Kiraak, and he recently captured Da’kul as well,” I said. “I’m not sure what the next phase of the plan is, but my compatriots and I have been dispatched to observe and evaluate several high-value targets. I gather that Raimie will make his decision about where to attack next based on our reports.”
“I’d wondered if the rumors about the loss of so many Conscripted squads were true,” the captain said. “How strong is his army if he’s already made such progress?”
I was hesitant to answer this question, but in the end, what harm was there in sharing?
Wincing, I sourly said, “Middle’s better at the numbers, and there hasn’t been a head count since the battle at the beach. If I were to guess, though, I’d say we stand at about thirty-five hundred, not counting any soldiers that Tiro might lend us.”
Stopping short, the captain stared at me.
“Alouin above, that’s-”
“More people than your resistance has ever had?” I guessed.
The captain nodded with a funny look taking hold of his face. This soon changed to resolve.
“Tell your king that he should attack the Birthing Grounds next,” he said. “Doldimar’s leaving for the capital in the next few days. A better time for an assault won’t come again soon.”
“Ok…” I said. “I can see how seizing this place could be helpful. But how are we supposed to counter that cliff face? Getting into this pit to secure it would be a logistical nightmare!”
Maybe someone who’d been living here would have an answer to that question.
Grim-faced, the captain said, “Taking the Birthing Grounds might be a long and costly slog, but your losses would be worth it. Cut off Doldimar’s supply of Kiraak, and you’ll break his army.”
I could follow that logic but…
“How would that break the army?” I asked. “I thought Doldimar made the Kiraak. How would losing this place stop him from changing humans into monsters?”
At that, the captain laughed, long and loud.
“Really?” he gasped when he could. “You think people volunteer for that change? Ha!”
While he broke into another laughing fit, I forced myself not to roll my eyes, beyond grateful when the captain got around to explaining himself.
“Doldimar needs infrastructure to keep his Harvested populace contained until he’s finished with processing them. If destroyed or captured, he’d need time to rebuild that infrastructure.”
Oh.
“And by then, Raimie may have taken the throne,” I whispered.
“Indeed,” the captain said with a grin.
He stopped beside a narrow crevasse with a ladder leading to the cave’s celling, far above.
“Your way out,” the captain said with a wave. “There’s a hatch that’ll let you out at the top, don’t worry.”
Much as I was grateful to finally be here and done with this conversation, I still took the time to clasp the captain’s shoulder before he could leave. If I had to lean a little heavily on him, the man was gracious enough not to mention it.
“Thank you for everything,” I said. “I’ll pass your suggestion along to Raimie. Let him know he has a friendly face here-”
“Don’t!”
With his shout ringing in the cave, the captain backed away from me with his hands raised.
“I’ve done terrible things for the Dark Lord while maintaining my cover here. At this point, I’m not sure who I’ve served better: the bastard who oppresses Auden or the people trying to overthrow him. I don’t deserve to go home. So… so, when your king’s army comes, I won’t fight. I’ll stay with my squad in the barracks, but if someone attacks us, we’ll defend ourselves, to the last if need be. And if we’re left alone, I’ll turn myself over to your king for his justice, although if he’s as fair as you say, he won’t let us live.”
That was… harsh.
“He’s also not one to waste resources…”
But I trailed off at the captain’s stern stare.
Sighing, I said, “I’ll do as you’ve asked.”
I grabbed one of the ladder’s rungs, wondering if I could handle a long climb to the surface, but before I could get started, the captain spoke up once more.
“Can you…?”
When he fell silent, I glared over my shoulder until the captain finished his thought.
“Tell Ky that I said I’m sorry. I couldn’t keep Ibilfer safe.”
That was a task I could happily accept.
“Will do, Captain,” I say. “Stay safe now.”
Chuckling, the other man said, “Safe travels, Private.”
Hopefully, that was what I’d get.
Chapter 18: My Perspective
Eledis
The role of the king is harsh and unforgiving. Impossible, even. Your subjects will always find fault with you.
-Kinlith, scholar and tutor to the Audish heir
As usual, I waited for Raimie in the spot where the boy typically descended from the lattice above to join the mortals below. His insistence on occasionally sleeping in such a dangerous location, the ‘only place where I can be alone’, had been a constant annoyance over the last few months in Tiro, the act of a child who was grasping at something he didn’t yet realize was lost forever.
But that was what Raimie was: a child. At nineteen-years-old, he’d begun to make adult decisions, but they had yet to outweigh the immaturity of his other behaviors.
Then again, when one had lived as long as I had, most people under the age of thirty seemed like children. The circle of my disdain encompassed more than Raimie alone.
Considering that, I thought the kid had done well since our arrival to Auden.
He’d earned his soldiers’ trust, an accomplishment that was usually much harder than it sounded, but for some reason, Raimie’s open-faced honesty and insistence on self-sacrifice had fiercely bound these people to him. He’d also killed an Enforcer, a task I’d learned most considered impossible. He’d convinced Tanwadur, a man who hated him, to not only let him live but allow his army inside of that hostile man’s refuge.
After defusing tension in this city, Raimie had subsequently taken a fortress that Tanwadur and his eldest son had been trying to capture for years. I had yet to meet Kylorian, but if his small list of successes was anything to go by, that teenager would be of little consequence. Raimie, on the other hand, had proven that he had a mind for tactics with Da’kul’s capture.
Overall, I’d been stuck oscillating between pride and disappointment when it came to Raimie’s progress. It had been a frustrating experience all around.
When a body landed beside me in an explosion of white light, I yelped, and as that blinding light evaporated, Raimie mischievously grinned at me. Whatever indecision I might have been fighting before temporarily hardened into disapproval.
“How can I help you, Eledis?” Raimie asked.
Really? The kid was asking if I needed help?
I’d seen how busy Raimie was on a daily basis. The kid lived a life of non-stop activity, one that exhausted me to watch. If he didn’t learn time management soon, he was sure to burn out, and while I could possibly use something like that in the long run, it wouldn’t be helpful yet. I had to encourage him to slow down.
“Don’t you have enough on your plate?” I asked.
“Sure!” Raimie said. “But if you need something from me, I’m more than happy to help. The other stuff can wait.”
By other stuff, did he mean battle plans and handling logistics for his army? Because no, those couldn’t wait. Hell, this kid was an idiot sometimes.
Patiently, I said, “I don’t need anything, Raimie. I’m only here because I’ve been assigned the role of messenger this morning.”
“Oh, really?” Raimie said with his lips twitching. “Must be important to have you leaving your comfortable office behind. I know how much you like that place.”
…One day, I was going to smack the smirk off of this little shit’s face.
“Speaking of that study, a man’s waiting for you there,” I said with an indulgent smile. “He insists that he’s part of your Hand. Says he has important information for you.”
“Fantastic! I’m glad one of them is back,” Raimie said. “Which one’s waiting for me?”
What on Alouin’s green earth was he talking about?
Raimie must have seen my confusion because he continued.
“What did he look like?”
“Short,” I said. “Actually, he was quite small in general.”
Humming, the kid smiled to himself.
“That sounds like Little. I think Oswin deployed him to the Birthing Grounds,” he said. “Fantastic! I’ve been looking forward to hearing his report.”
…The kid had formed a Hand?! When had this happened? And why hadn’t I known about it?
“Do you mind if I run ahead, Eledis?” Raimie asked. “I can accompany you back to your office if you’d rather, but… I really need to hear Little’s report.”
Numbly, I said, “Please. Do what you must, grandson. Don’t mind me.”
“Thanks! See you there.”
Raimie became a streak of flesh, accompanied by light, and with my nose wrinkled, I clicked my tongue.
Magic. Alouin damned magic. How was it that the person I must rely upon to reach my goals used the one thing that I despised almost as much as the Dark Lord himself? At least Rhylix, the other primeancer, wasn’t here to corrupt the kid any longer.
When I’d read about that bit of news, I’d nearly jumped for joy, but doing so wouldn’t have been polite with Raimie standing ten feet away from me. At the time, the kid had been unquestionably in the clutches of grief. What else could explain how short he’d been with me during that conversation?
Speaking of my friend, I hoped Marcuset would come to Tanwadur’s house soon. I had the feeling that whatever news this Little had brought would lead to a meeting, one where I’d need allies present if I was going to temper the crazy idea that Raimie would inevitably present.
As hoped, Marcuset was waiting for me outside the house when I reached it about an hour later.
“I’m glad you sent that messenger,” he said as I approached. “You were right. He’s called a meeting to discuss our next steps.”
I strode through the door without replying, heading upstairs with Marcuset on my heels.
“Should be interesting to see what he wants to do now,” he said, laughing under his breath.
Snapping my head toward him, I made sure he saw my glare.
“Don’t tell me you’ve fallen under his sway as well,” I said.
Shrugging, Marcuset said, “You have to admit that he’s performed better than we expected.”
I made a face, even if I shouldn’t be so disparaging of the kid around Marcuset. My friend was already stuck in a difficult position, torn between the kid he’d sworn his fealty to and the friend he suspected might be plotting against his king.
“I’ll do no such thing,” I said in a lighter tone. “Have any hints for me before we go inside?”
“Hmm,” Marcuset said before breaking into a secret smile that I hated to see. “Tanwadur and his oldest son will be joining us today and Eledis? Kylorian… he’ll look familiar to you. Thought you deserved the warning.”
Ominous…
“That’s all I get?” I said, making sure the whine in my voice was evident.
“That’s all you get.”
At the glint in my friend’s eyes, I groaned. Nothing good had ever come after seeing that.
The dining room loomed ahead of us, and reaching it, I shoved through its door and into the room, scanning each of the people present. Raimie and his bodyguard were standing at one end of the room while Aramar stiffly sat at the center of the table, and Tanwadur was with his-
On seeing the teenager beside Tiro’s leader, I clutched at the table, certain I was about to tumble to the floor. It was like I’d been gut-punched because… because Kylorian could have been a twin of my long-dead brother.
Behind me, Marcuset chuckled, and I made a mental note to smack the man later. While he got settled beside Aramar, I straightened.
“You must be Kylorian,” I said.
“And you, Eledis,” the teenager replied.
He’d even inherited my brother’s classic sullenness! Damn, this kid was going to cause me trouble, wasn’t he?
With my eyes still fixed on Kylorian, I said, “So, what did your spy tell you, Raimie?”
“He gave me enough to form a new battle plan,” Raimie said, “I was just waiting for you and Marcuset to explain it.”
“Well, we’re here,” I said. “Let me sit, and we can get started.”
Wandering to the chair beside Kylorian, I gingerly dropped into it, and the younger man barely leaned away. Even slight as it had been, I noticed the motion.
“I’m sorry to have made you wait,” I made myself say.
“Not to worry! We weren’t waiting for long,” Raimie said. “So, where do I begin?”
Chapter 19: A Spy's Report
Eledis
“Where do I begin?” Raimie asked, looking incredibly lost.
“How about with a target?” Kylorian said.
Raimie jumped upon the prompt with clearly apparent gratitude.
“Yes! Thank you,” he said. “So, the next place we’ll attack. It’s going to be the Birthing Grounds-”
“Are you insane?” Tanwadur interrupted.
Already, his face was turning crimson, and I mentally groaned. Men like him made me feel… certain things. Unpleasant things. It made dealing with them incredibly difficult.
Apparently not finished, Tanwadur dropped a fist on the table.
“The Birthing Grounds is an impossible goal,” he snapped. “You’d be sending your people to their deaths.”
“Dury.”
Calmly, Kylorian laid a hand on his father’s arm.
“We should hear him out,” he said. “By taking Da’kul, he’s already accomplished a task that we thought impossible. There’s no harm in listening to him.”
Grumbling, Tanwadur leaned back in his seat, and with him taken care of, the room looked to Raimie for an explanation.
“Um…” he said, again tugging on his sleeve.
And seeing this, I discovered an enormous downside to Rhylix’s death. Much as that Eselan might have deserved my hatred, Rhylix had always provided a boost to Raimie’s confidence, and without that, the kid reverted to a shy, self-conscious boy unless someone provoked him.
Fortunately, I was quite good at doing that.
I’d opened my mouth to verbally poke the kid, hoping to get this show on the road, when a knock interrupted me. Although no one had issued an invitation to come inside, the door soon burst open, letting a short stranger through it.
“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “Or am I early?”
The question had been directed at Raimie, who was staring at the stranger, bug-eyed. Given how much the rest of the room had done that, I couldn’t blame the kid for his reaction.
“Early,” he tightly said.
Raimie dragged the stranger to the side, holding an unintelligibly hissed conversation with him, and I raised an eyebrow at Marcuset. Shrugging, my friend didn’t look concerned by this turn of events, but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t be. Marcuset had always been remarkably awful at understanding the political implications of… anything really, but fortunately, I had only one question in this case, something I wouldn’t need Marcuset’s help with.
Who was this stranger allied with?
“Apologies for the interruption,” Raimie said. “This is Ryvolim. I’ll introduce him more fully soon enough, but for now, suffice it to say that I asked him to join us, although it wasn’t supposed to be quite so soon.”
He’d said those last few words through gritted teeth, and Ryvolim beamed at the kid, seemingly oblivious to his frustration.
A new, mysterious stranger, huh? For this meeting’s proceedings, I’d guess the man would play one of two roles. Ryvolim would either be an expert in a subject Raimie needed help with, or he’d have knowledge about the Birthing Grounds that Raimie wanted him to share.
It was also possible that the stranger had a unique skill set required by Raimie's plan, but on observing the man, I dismissed that notion. Ryvolim was a skinny man, made up of awkwardly proportioned limbs and little-to-no muscle mass. He looked more like the scholarly type than the weapons master that a battle would require.
But…
For a moment, I narrowed my eyes. Was this stranger really a stranger? Now that the shock of his arrival had passed, I recognized him as the man who’d been hanging around Raimie in the week since the battle of Da’kul. Was he a new friend? That was… curious. Raimie usually didn’t make friends so quickly.
“As I was saying before the interruption—”
Again, the kid glared at the stranger.
“—Little has recently returned from the Birthing Grounds. He brought information with him that… well. I’ll have him explain.”
When Raimie waved at him, Ryvolim opened the door, and the spy I’d met earlier shuffled inside, supporting his weight on Ryvolim’s arm. At the sight of him, those seated at the table gasped while I pursed my lips.
I’d seen the spy’s face when it had been a mess of weeping splits in flesh, and although I knew the stitches now holding those cuts closed were necessary for his healing, that knowledge didn’t stop the horror of observing what seemed like a further destruction of the spy’s countenance.
The wounds slashed across his forehead and cheeks would have been bad enough, but one particularly deep gash near the corner of his mouth would forevermore draw what had once been attractive lips into a permanent sneer. Another slice ran from the corner of his eye to the join of his neck and jaw, stretching so close to the eye that its lid had partially peeled away from his face.
“Little!”
Stepping forward, Oswin reached out for his subordinate, but Little merely brushed past him.
“I’m fine, Middle,” he snapped. “Let me do my job. We can debrief later.”
Unsteadily pulling a chair from under the table, Little collapsed into it, and Oswin reluctantly returned to his corner.
“Please, forgive the appearance,” the spy said. “It was a parting gift from Doldimar.”
“You met the Dark Lord?” Tanwadur squeaked.
But Little ignored the question, facing Raimie instead.
“I’d like to shorten my report if that’s all right, Your Majesty,” he said. “I can hear a bedroll calling my name.”
At that, Raimie frowned, but I knew his displeasure wasn’t in response to Little’s suggestion. The kid still hadn’t adjusted to his rise in station.
“I’d prefer if you kept it short and sweet,” he said.
Nodding, Little turned back to the table.
“In that case, does anybody need an overview of what to expect at the Birthing Grounds?” he asked.
As that final word stretched his lips, he winced.
While Tanwadur and Kylorian shook their heads, the rest of the table looked lost. Fortunately, one of the Audish natives jumped in, sparing Little from further pain.
“The place where Doldimar creates his Kiraak is based in a pit, one that’s a mile or so deep and wide with sheer drops all around it,” Kylorian said. “The only way down is via temporary staircases, carved from the cliff face by using primeancy.”
Nodding, Little added, “Exactly, although that description isn’t perfectly accurate. There’s another way down. One of your men showed it to me, Kylorian.”
That had the teenager brightening.
“Ibilfer?” he said. “How’s that old bastard doing?”
“It was Ibelfer’s partner, actually,” Little said with a pained grimace. “He wanted me to tell you he’s sorry he couldn’t protect your friend.”
Kylorian’s delighted smile tilted downward.
“Does that mean…?”
“He’s passed on, yes,” Little said. “An Overseer killed him while I was there.”
“Damnit.”
Slamming a fist on the tabletop, Kylorian sprang to his feet before striding to a corner, there to blankly stare at the wall. After an awkward beat of silence, I cleared my throat.
“I’m sorry for your loss, son. Truly,” I said, “but we should get on with this, considering how our messenger’s appeared to us. So, Little. You mentioned another way down?”
“Indeed,” Little said with a nod. “There’s a sinkhole not far from the Birthing Ground’s pit. Doldimar’s people have carved caves into its walls, and one of these leads to a crevasse in the sinkhole, one that also has a ladder. The crevasse is narrow and tight, but it would make an easy entry point for a saboteur team.”
Stroking his chin, Aramar said, “A small advantage that could prove useful.”
I suppressed an eyeroll. Leave it to that one to point out the obvious.
Leaning on the table with a grin, Raimie said, “Tell them the best part.”
With the smallest smile I’d ever seen in my life, Little leaned back while folding his hands in his lap.
“I have reliable intel that Doldimar will be leaving the Birthing Grounds in the next few days,” he said. “Normally when he’s there, the Enforcers from the regions nearby—Adrinosk, Betlisa, Dalinasth, and Arabelna—attend to him, but if he follows his established routine, he’ll be taking several of those Enforcers with him, leaving a token force of Overseers. From what I understand, the Enforcer for that specific region, Adrinosk, will stay behind as well, but even still, the Birthing Grounds’ defenses will be much lower than normal for a while.”
“Obviously, you have a plan to take advantage of this, grandson,” I said.
It was best to reinforce our familial relationship before the kid explained his plan. If the idea was brilliant, the others in the room would subsequently relate it to me, even if it was only in the most tangential of senses. If it was terrible, I could berate the plan as much as I pleased while keeping the appearance of a wise mentor intact.
“I do,” Raimie said, “but first-”
“I’m free to go?” Little said.
Patting his shoulder, Raimie said, “Enjoy your well-deserved rest.”
Climbing out of his chair, the spy bowed. His white knuckles around the table’s edge spoke to the effort it was taking for him to remain standing.
“Your Majesty,” he said.
As Little stumbled out of the door, Raimie turned to the stranger in our midst.
“Ryvolim…”
“I’ll be right back,” the stranger said before sprinting after the spy.
We all watched as the door closed behind him before turning on Raimie.
Chapter 20: Discussing Next Steps
Eledis
As if the delay with Ryvolim had never occurred, Raimie said, “With Da’kul’s capture, we’ve come into possession of several siege machines. I’ve asked around and learned that Tiro has the means to transport them. If Tanwadur agrees to assist us, we’ll take most of the fort’s catapults and trebuchets with us to the Birthing Grounds, leaving only what’s needed for defense in Da’kul. We’ll use those siege machines to bombard the enemy, softening them up-”
“For what?” Tanwadur said. “An attack? By all means, order your soldiers to charge the Birthing Grounds. Watching them leap to their deaths should be amusing. Or do you plan on sending them into the pit via this hidden ladder? Because it sounds like a chokepoint to me. Your people won’t make it down the ladder alive.”
While holding the older man’s gaze, Raimie said, “Ky, your father must think I’m incredibly stupid.”
When Kylorian merely shrugged from the corner he was still standing in, the kid sighed.
“Or maybe both of you do?”
Slumping, Kylorian took a deep breath before returning to the table.
“After our last conversation, I think you know my opinion on your intellect, Raimie,” he said.
But he spoke not one word more, making Raimie frown, and I… was confused. What conversation had Kylorian been talking about? Had the kid somehow allied with this teenager without me knowing about it?
“Honestly, that’s all right,” Raimie eventually said. “I’m glad to know what you think of me, Ky, and your father is welcome to whatever opinions he decides to keep.”
He bowed to Tanwadur, which had the old man flinging himself into his chair with his arms crossed. Nicely done, appeasing that cranky old man.
Straightening from his bow, Raimie continued, “As I was saying, we’ll soften them up before we attack, as you guessed, Tanwadur, but you were wrong about how I plan to get my army into the Birthing Grounds. I want to send a saboteur team into the pit at the same time as the bombardment. That team’s job will be to activate a staircase in the cliff wall-”
“How?” Kylorian asked. “Whoever you sent would need primeancy…”
Trailing off, he frowned.
With a huff, Raimie said, “Can I please finish? Questions can come later. I promise.”
“He really doesn’t like getting interrupted,” Marcuset loudly whispered.
Rolling his eyes, Raimie said, “The saboteur team will create a staircase so that my people can begin their descent. Once a significant number have reached the pit’s floor, a portion of the team will…”
Pausing, he flicked his eyes to the side.
“Really?” he said under his breath. “I won’t have to stay near the staircase?”
At that, Marcuset exchanged a glance with me. Was Raimie speaking with the splinter that accompanied his magic or someone else? Perhaps… someone we’d hoped never to encounter again?
Beside me, Kylorian squirmed in place. I could only imagine the younger man's fight to keep from asking the questions surely eating at him. Meanwhile, Tanwadur seemed too wrapped up in glaring his disdain at Raimie to notice said man’s seeming break with reality, and Aramar was merely waiting for his son’s next words.
But then, this had always been how this sort of thing went. Raimie did something that no normal or sane person would do, and because of who he was, people chalked it up to any number of reasonable explanations. It would infuriate the hell out of me if the kid didn’t need that sort of protection in his life.
“Nix the portion of the team idea, then,” Raimie continued with a grimace. “The entirety of the saboteur team will join in the attack.
"A large deterrent to us capturing the Birthing Grounds will be the Kiraak. Those unfortunate souls will be helpless to disobey their orders to defend the place. Until we disrupt that command by cutting their ties with their Enforcer, they’ll stop at nothing to resist us, but once Adrinosk is out of the picture, they’ll be dazed, similar to the walking corpses we saw after Teron’s death. So, our most urgent task will be to pacify the Kiraak. To that end, half of the saboteur team will locate the Enforcer and neutralize him. Leading that half will be-”
“Me!”
Having burst through the door, Ryvolim elaborately bowed with a hand fluttering to the side.
“Applause, hurrahs, and cheers.”
A beat of disapproving silence trailed the man’s entrance, but when appropriate, I cleared my throat.
“And who are you?” I asked.
“Ryvolim. Pleased to meet you,” the man said, bobbing into a bow again.
Tsking, I said, “I know that. I’m asking why you, of all people, should take such a significant role in this proposed battle plan.”
“Oh!” Ryvolim said in an annoyingly chipper voice. “Raimie, do you want to answer that one?”
Collapsing into the chair he’d recently vacated, he kicked his foot against the floor, and Raimie made a face, which only had the boisterous man opposite him grinning wider.
“Rhy’s killed Enforcers in the past,” Raimie tightly said. “He should be able to do it again.”
“Really?” Tanwadur said with a scoff. “Where did you find someone who’s accomplished the impossible?”
Jerking to face the older man, Raimie snapped, “First of all, I’ve killed an Enforcer before, so obviously, the task isn’t impossible. And I didn’t find him. He found me, but must we discuss Ryvolim’s proficiencies? I trust him to do this task, and that should be enough for you.”
The kid was starting to lose his temper. Best to step in before anything unfortunate happened.
“What about the other half of the team?” I ask.
With his teeth still gritted, Raimie forced his eyes onto me.
“They’ll advance on the Birthing Grounds’ center, where Doldimar creates his Kiraak,” he said.
With his eyes shooting wide, Tanwadur practically squeaked, “You’d send your people into that hive of monsters?”
“Who will lead that unfortunate group of soldiers?” Kylorian asked on the heel of his father’s question.
Furrowing his brow, Raimie cocked his head.
“Isn’t the answer to that question obvious?” he said.
“Honestly? No,” Kylorian said.
And several other people around the table murmured their agreement.
“Oh, for the love of-”
Taking a deep breath, Raimie pinched his nose.
“Me. I’ll lead that half,” he said.
And I smiled. At this rate, the kid would get himself killed soon, which while supremely tragic, would further my goals. I hadn’t wanted Raimie’s death to happen so soon or, truthfully, at all, but I wouldn’t pass over such a serendipitous opportunity.
“You want to lead the charge again?” Aramar asked. “Put yourself in real and immediate danger again?”
Pulling away, Raimie said, “Well, yes. But-”
“Damnit, Raimie, why do you keep doing this?” Aramar growled, smacking the table. “You’re the only hope we have of defeating Doldimar, and you court death with your every choice.”
Bristling, Raimie opened his mouth to shout, but before that could happen, he slammed his eyes closed, taking another deep breath. When he opened them again, he held his father’s gaze.
“I can’t help it that I’m the only one with the skill set needed to accomplish my goals,” he oh-so-calmly said.
Thankfully, Kylorian cut in at that moment.
“Which are?” he asked.
And silently, I blessed the teenager.
Raimie rounded on Kylorian, ready to tear into him, but he must have seen something in the other boy to pacify him because tension quickly leaked out of his body.
“In this case, I want to return the Kiraak to their natural state,” he said.
“How?”
The question rang in the room, having burst from multiple lips.
“The process is simple enough,” Raimie said with a shrug. “It’s the opposite of what’s done to create them: draw Corruption from under their skin and dissipate it once it’s free. It takes time for those once afflicted to act human again, but conversion is feasible. At least, it was possible for the small group I’ve tested it on.”
“But… that implies an ability to control Corruption,” Tanwadur said. “Isn’t that associated with primeancers, more specifically those who use the dark power?”
“Daevetch,” Raimie said with a nod. “That’s why I must lead the second half of the team. I’d rather give the Kiraak their lives back than wipe them out.”
“Huh.”
Every eye turned to Kylorian, who was sitting with his arms crossed and consternation painted in broad strokes across his face.
“Does that mean the rumors are true, then?” he asked. “I thought they seemed kind of ridiculous, but you’re saying you’re actually a primeancer.”
“Yes. I am.”
Standing tall, Raimie lifted his chin, as if expecting someone to attack him.
“And I mean to use my primeancy to give Auden’s resistance something they’ve been fighting to gain for centuries. Will that be a problem for you?”
After a moment, Kylorian relaxed, and although it took me a second, I realize that the teenager was chuckling under his breath.
“Not at all,” he said. “And I like your plan, although I’d like to make a suggestion.”
Relief was practically blazing from Raimie, but somehow, he kept it out of his voice when he asked.
“What’s that?”
“Put me on the team with Ryvolim,” Kylorian said. “I’ve fought Enforcers before-”
Snorting, Tanwadur said, “More like run like a girl from them.”
This had both Kylorian and me tensing, but the younger man merely responded in an even tone.
“In the instance you’re referring to, I wasn’t about to risk my people in an impossible fight, and I didn’t think wasting my life was a fantastic idea either. Of course, we retreated from Betlisa once we could! At the time, you seemed fine with my decision. Why bring it up now?”
Shaking his head, Kylorian turned back to Raimie before his father could reply.
“At the very least, I have experience with fighting Kiraak. You say that you want to save them, but the crazy bastards won’t be obliging enough to lay down their arms while you heal them. You can’t do your job until the Enforcers are gone, and I can watch Ryvolim’s back while he dispatches those monsters.”
Shooting to his feet, Tanwadur shouted, “You will do no such thing! Let’s not get into you ignoring how this man—”
He jerked his arm up to point at Raimie.
“—claims magic similar to the Dark Lord. No. At this point, it seems I must remind you of a fundamental truth. Long ago, you agreed to the purpose I’ve given you, and to accomplish it, you must follow my orders. You aren’t to volunteer your services without my approval, especially not to him. You’re to do as you’re told, boy.”
He raised a hand as if to strike Kylorian, and I was dropped into a nightmare once more. The past superimposed the present, and my father violently beat my younger brother for a perceived failure.
“Leave him alone!” I snapped.
Chapter 21: Meeting's Conclusion
Eledis
When Tanwadur jerked his eyes to me, I realized that not only had the protest I’d meant to keep in my head been audible but I’d also risen to my feet. Eyes were boreing into me, and I bowed beneath the weight of them.
At least my actions had stopped Tanwadur from doing something he’d regret.
“Apologies,” I said, sinking into my chair.
But no one was paying me any mind now.
“You’re drunk, Dury,” Kylorian whispered with his posture ramrod straight. “I didn’t plan to say anything while we were here, but your behavior is getting out of hand. Sit down and stay quiet so you don’t further embarrass us.”
Tanwadur blanched, but instead of returning to his seat, he left the room in a daze. The door swung shut behind him, and the room’s occupants politely averted their gazes from Kylorian with their shoulders rising toward their ears.
“Thank you for your help, Eledis,” the teenager eventually said, “but I don’t need your protection.”
Immediately, I said, “Of course. I apologize for presuming.”
Not that I could blame myself for what I’d done. The past hadn’t come to haunt me in years. It seemed I’d gotten out of practice with ignoring it.
Nodding acceptance of my apology, Kylorian turned to Raimie.
“My offer stands,” he said. “Would you like my help?”
“Rhy?” Raimie said. “What do you think?”
Running his eyes over the teenager, Ryvolim said, “I don’t see what harm he could do. Welcome aboard, Ky!”
Smiling, the teenager dipped his head to Ryvolim.
“Thank you. I look forward to lending you my sword.”
And the issue of Kylorian was put to bed.
“I think that’s everything,” Raimie said before turning to Ryvolim. “Wait. Have I forgotten anything?”
“Not that I can think of,” the other man said, “But they might have questions for you. Find out, maybe?”
Which only made me frown. Such familiarity shouldn’t exist between two people who’d only known each other for a few days, and the way they’d acted around one another was reminiscent of a relationship I’d thought concluded. This man couldn’t be…
No! Rhylix had always been reserved, almost haughty, whereas this Ryvolim was energetic and down to earth. Their personalities couldn’t be more opposite.
On top of that, the difference in their appearances was startling. I knew the Esela could shape change, but not only was I sure that Rhylix wouldn't have taken on a human form but such a shape change would require intense effort and force of will, or that was what I’d been told. No Eselan could hold it for more than a day straight.
And there were the testimonies. If I asked them, at least a dozen people would swear on what they considered sacred that they’d seen Rhylix’s corpse in Da’kul. My creeping suspicion had no basis in fact, no matter how uncannily similar Raimie and Ryvolim’s interactions might seem to that friendship.
Once more, I listened in on the conversation. Not many questions must have come up because the meeting seemed to be wrapping up.
“…anyone objects, I’ll put the plan into motion,” Raimie was saying.
At that, all eyes turned to me, and I snorted. Why did they rely on me to oppose the kid? It was irritating, especially because in this case, I rather liked Raimie’s scheme.
Now that we had a foothold in Auden, we’d want to destroy Doldimar’s military and economic infrastructure. Yes, preserving parts of it would also be a priority, but I couldn’t see our people using Kiraak at any point in the future.
Even if Raimie had been willing to use his magic to place ordinary people under his thumb, I would fiercely oppose it. We’d need the common man’s support in the coming months and years, and one surefire way to destroy that goodwill would be to use something as unnatural as Kiraak to accomplish our goals. Even with it discounted as rumor, Raimie already teetered on that line with his primeancy. There was no need to add more uncertainty to what surrounded him.
So, I asked, “When do we march?”
“We?” Raimie said with his face crinkling. “Eledis, you’ll stay in Tiro. Didn’t you hear me say that?”
…What?
“I can fight as well as you, grandson!” I snapped.
How dare he-?
“I know,” Raimie said with a nod, “but you’re much better at logistics and long-term plans. Look at the army you raised within Queen Kaedesa’s ranks while waiting for me to appear! I need you to coordinate with Tanwadur and Gistrick. I’m hoping the three of you will have several step-by-step plans for how to attack Auden’s capital, Elisk, when I return.”
Huh. The kid had improved on his ability to use his people in a way that maximized resources, and he’d made my omission from the coming battle seem like a compliment. How surprising.
Anyway, it wasn’t as if I’d wanted to participate in this battle. I’d fight when necessary, but I’d much rather leave that distasteful activity to soldiers who’d volunteered to die, seeing no need to risk my own life. I couldn’t, however, show any of my relief.
“Fine,” I said with a grimace.
“Oswin, make sure any further messages from the Hand go to my grandfather,” Raimie said.
Making a face, Oswin said, “Sir…”
“I’ll read them too! When I get back,” Raimie said, rolling his eyes. “Happy?”
Oswin clamped down on a smile.
“Actually, sir, I meant to ask if I’m joining you on your fool quest this time,” he said.
“Oh,” Raimie said before wrinkling his brow. “Why wouldn’t you? Unless you need to be here for some reason, I wanted you with me. Is that ok?”
“It is, Your Majesty,” Oswin said with his lips curling.
Ugh. Middle always showed Raimie such disrespect. I should have come to expect it from the spymaster by now, but somehow, that man’s familiarity with Raimie aways found a way to surprise me at the most unexpected of times.
“Good. If so, that’s everything, people!” Raimie said. “We’ll move out as soon as preparations are complete.”
After smiling at everyone, he and Oswin swept out of the room with Kylorian and Ryvolim following them, which left Aramar and Marcuset alone with me. For quite a few awkward minutes, no one said anything, even if the useless one kept shooting significant glances at both me and Marcuset.
In a burst, he eventually asked, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to put Raimie in danger like this? Nylion only emerges when my son’s threatened, whether in actuality or to face a perceived threat.”
Oh, sure. Let’s openly discuss the one thing that the three of us knew we should never speak aloud. That seemed like a great idea.
Now that the Aramar had broached the subject, though, it seemed like Marcuset meant to continue with it, and I forced myself not to sigh or slap my face in frustration.
“And none of us will be around Raimie to contain him if that violent, little bugger comes out,” my friend said, almost affectionately. “Nylion always liked me best, so I can probably minimize any destruction he might unleash if he comes out while we’re marching, but during the battle, I won’t be close enough to help.”
Fine. If we were going to talk about this, then I supposed we should talk about it. Or at the least, it looked like I’d have to reassure these two that nothing was wrong yet again.
Shaking my head, I said, “We don’t have cause for concern yet. Some parts of the spell must be clinging to Raimie, otherwise, he’d have murdered us in our sleep by now. If at some point Nylion approaches one of us, we should restrict Raimie’s activities, but in the meantime, let’s take advantage of his unique abilities, yes?”
Because said unique abilities were currently the only thing granting us any measure of success in this hostile kingdom, much as I despised admitting to that.
Still, both Aramar and Marcuset looked unsure, and while I’d gotten used to that from the useless one, seeing it on my friend was disconcerting.
“You disagree?” I said.
“No, only…”
Sitting back in his chair, Marcuset sighed.
“Raimie’s a good kid, better than most who’ve come from your family line, and he’ll make a magnificent king someday. I know that idea makes you unhappy, Eledis, because you want the throne for yourself, but for once, you need to think about Auden’s people, not what you desire, my friend. If he’s allowed the chance, Raimie has the potential to become one of the greatest rulers Auden’s ever seen, but if the spell ever frees Nylion… it’s safe to say that unpredictability isn’t a desired quality in a leader. Forgive me if I’m wary of that chance.”
Marcuset’s confidence in the kid only hurt a little. My friend had always let passion rule his life, and since Raimie had displayed characteristics that Marcuset associated with nobility, he’d latched onto the kid as the next king. He didn’t understand that sometimes, nobility wasn’t enough when running a kingdom, and he probably never would.
Still, his naivety was manageable, so long as I was around to remind him of what real life was like. That situation was unlikely to change anytime soon.
For now, my friend needed reassurance that the Nylion situation was under control.
“I understand where you’re coming from, but I promise you that there’s no cause for concern yet,” I said, “and if there ever is one, we’ll deal with it. Together.”
“Just try to remember that Raimie’s family, Eledis,” Aramar said on those words’ heels.
Ever had he been eager to remind me of that sometimes annoying as hell fact.
“I will.”
Not that this fact would change what we’d eventually need to do, but I’d never say that to the boy’s Alouin damned father.
“Now, we have busy days ahead of us, yes?” I said, eager to move on from what should have been a taboo subject. “Shall we tackle them?”
A week passed in a blur of activity. As the residents of Tiro and Da’kul prepared for their new siege machines’ transport, a flurry of messages flew between the bases. Two days ago, Marcuset had led the army out of Tiro to meet the parade of trebuchets and catapults rolling out of the fort.
Conversely, Raimie and his saboteur team would be departing for the Birthing Grounds in the next few hours, meaning to arrive there before the bombardment began. I should probably see them off, but considering what Raimie had left me to struggle with, I couldn’t be bothered to do that.
The kid had given me a unique challenge. He wanted Elisk captured in the next six months, a time long before Tiro’s limited resources would fail and we’d be forced into raiding towns for food.
This unnecessary rush had a sneer pulling at my mouth. With it, Raimie showed such weakness!
The people in those villages were the subjects of the Audish king. Their food technically belonged to whoever had a legitimate claim to the throne, but Raimie insisted that we should let these peasants keep something that wasn’t theirs.
No matter. I could figure out a way of ending this war in half a year. Ignore the enemy’s overwhelming numbers. Ignore Elisk’s impregnability when defenders were manning its wall. Once again, the old man would fix these problems by himself.
A knock interrupted my thought, and I nearly flung the piece of parchment I’d been reading at it.
“WHAT?” I shouted.
At the invitation, a messenger hesitantly stepped inside.
“I have a report for you, sir,” the man said. “It’s from Thumb. He’s-”
Alouin damnit, I knew who Thumb was, and that certainly wasn’t because a certain imbecilic kid had decided to introduce us.
“Give it here,” I said.
Impatiently snatching the proffered document from the messenger, I scanned it with my mouth going dry.
“Shit!” I whispered once I was done.
“What is it, sir?” the messenger said.
At that, I jerked my head up, narrowing my eyes at the man. What was he still doing here?
But in the end, his presence wasn’t truly important, besides the fact that he might help me now.
“I need to speak with Raimie. Right now,” I said. “Where is he?”
Cocking his head, the messenger said, “On his way to the Birthing Grounds, sir. He left a while ago. Is there a problem?”
I had no obligation to answer this man’s question. He was just a messenger, but despite how much I’d rather keep this information to myself, panic forced the words out of me.
“Oh, it’s nothing too serious,” I said. “I’ve received news that a fleet of warships has weighed anchor at a nearby port. They’re offloading troops, and Thumb believes their destination may be Tiro.”
Sucking in a gasp, the messenger breathed, “Hell…”
“Indeed,” I said with a nod. “If this is true, we’re screwed.”
Adventures of the Hand 2.1
Thumb
This line was advancing at a ridiculously slow pace, one that was clearly wearing on the nerves of the people around me, and when a fight broke out several places ahead, I smiled. Human nature was so wonderfully predictable at times.
For a moment, I considered breaking up the fight, but doing that might attract the Conscripted’s attention, which wouldn’t be smart right now. Because of this, I was planning to ignore the arguing men, blocking out their noise with the most avid of attention, but when one of them reached for a dagger in his belt, I found myself between them, twisting the assailant’s wrist while resting a hand on my sword’s hilt. This single point of contact with another person was small enough that I could maintain it without my skin crawling, but still, I’d be grateful when I could get rid of it.
“That’s rather rude, don’t you think?” I said in a slow, relaxed tone.
The assailant merely hissed in pain.
“Now, what seems to be the problem here?” I asked.
The intended victim shakily pointed at his assailant.
“He said I tried to cut in line, but I did no such thing,” the man said. “I only wanted to see how many people were in front of me!”
With a rolling laugh, I said, “Is that all? That’s no reason to draw a weapon, mister. You should apologize for your behavior.”
Grimacing, the assailant shook his head, and this only made me twist my hold on him harder.
“Apologize,” I repeated with a smile.
Gasping, the assailant said, “My apologies.”
And satisfied, I dropped my grip.
“That’s what I thought,” I said. “Now please, try to remain calm. Remember where you are and who’s watching.”
Crumpling on themselves, the two men shuffled back into line, making not another peep more, and with the threat handled, the Conscripted soldiers who’d been quietly watching the altercation resumed their tasks.
I could characterize my visit to the port of Nephiron with predicable behavior like this. On arriving, I’d left most of my gear outside the city’s gates, abandoning my armor in favor of street clothing while relegating myself to only one sword. No one had protested that single weapon in the other ramshackle towns I’d visited, so I’d figured the same would hold true here.
I found it interesting that remaining armed seemed to be actively encouraged in Auden. The strong were the ones who survived in this kingdom, which was slightly unsettling.
This port city, Nephiron, could be a copy of Sev, the famous city-state across the sea, if the poverty found in that distant place had been subtracted from the equation. People crowded the streets here, going about their business in a furtive manner.
I’d never seen a more frightened people, whether in this place or in the other villages I’d visited, but even still, trade insisted on continuing. Outside, I’d find markets occupying street corners and criers on the fringe, promising the best tackle for one’s horse or the finest of steel to be found in one shop or another.
All a standard pattern for a larger city. It was almost sad that Doldimar, feared Dark Lord plagued with insanity, could run a city better than his counterparts across the sea, although perhaps I should attribute this prosperity to the region’s Enforcer instead.
While on my way to town hall, the only oddity I’d noted had been when a loud bell had rung, filling the air with its peals. At the noise, people on the streets had scattered, and within moments, Nephiron had become like a ghost town. Following the pattern, I’d faded into an alley, determined not to stand out, and I’d reached it just in time too.
Howling Conscripted soldiers had chased a group of terrified people in front of them, herding those poor people toward a depression I’d seen on my way into the city. When the last of the enemy soldiers had disappeared, Nephiron had woken up with its citizens trickling onto the street again, and even as I’d wondered what that commotion had been about, I’d continued on.
Now, I was getting close to the front of the line I’d joined about a quarter mark ago. So far, the annoyance of my wait had been mitigated by my fascination with the mosaic on the receiving chamber’s wall, a good replacement for watching the jittery bustle of the people around me.
In this place, those who wished to make deals with Doldimar’s army came before his servants to argue their case. Here, I’d determine if Nephiron was a city worth taking. Until then, I’d try to understand the pattern of broken tiles on the wall.
Soon enough, a cleared throat pulled me out of my inspection, and blinking, I found myself at the front of the line. Ah. Must have once again lost some time while I’d been so focused.
This line culminated in a table, piled high with parchment on either side, behind which sat one of those strange people in black that I’d only seen in Auden. At some point in the past, the king and Spymaster Middle had touched on these ‘Kiraak’, mentioning that the only way to kill them was to cut off their head, but this was the first opportunity I’d had to see one up close. If the situation suddenly turned bad, would I have time to behead this woman, and if so, what would be the best way to do it?
“Name,” she said on my approach.
“Marcuset,” was what I answered with.
It would be interesting to see the commander’s reaction on learning that his name had been added to the enemy’s records.
“What’s your business?” the woman asked, short and sweet for once.
“I have grain for the army’s use,” I said. “If you see fit to compensate me, I’d be forever grateful.”
Nodding, the woman said, “Grain’s currently going for fourteen gold chits a cart. Bring yours to the stable outside of town hall, and you’ll get your money.”
“Thank you, mistress.”
Bowing, I turned on my heel. While speaking with the woman, I’d only gotten a fleeting glance at the contents of the parchment scattered on that table, but if the information on those pages was any indication of the truth, Nephiron accumulated and stored much of Auden’s resources for Doldimar’s army. With the city’s capture, the Conscripted would quickly go hungry, and without the weapons gathered here, the Dark Lord’s soldiers wouldn’t have much luck with defending against a properly armed force.
It had taken three such waits in lines of equivalent length throughout this half of the kingdom, but I’d found what I’d been looking for, which meant I could go home. Maybe ‘Sin would be back too, and the two of us could spend a quiet night together. That happened so rarely nowadays.
As I strode through the receiving hall’s doors, intent on reaching my left-behind belongings and getting out of here, a handful of Conscripted soldiers flanked me. Oh, goodie.
Never ceasing in my stride, I asked, “Can I help you?”
As expected, none of them replied, but they subtly guided me away from prying eyes and into a small room. Great… this was just great.
Here, they gave me privacy, although a pair of them stood guard outside. For a breath, I considered incapacitating those scrawny men before leaving, but I didn’t think violence was required yet. I hadn’t noticed a pattern that would indicate the Conscripted soldiers meant to hurt me, and until that became the case, I’d wait to see how this situation played out.
Eventually, the woman who’d given me the price of grain entered the small room, giving me a single look before glancing over her shoulder.
“This is the one,” she called.
A vine-covered man joined her, patting her on the back once he saw me.
“Nicely done, my dear,” he said.
Beaming, the woman left as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, this new Kiraak approached me until he was a pace away, never wavering in his perusal of my body.
“Can I help you?” I asked.
I couldn’t help the annoyance sparking through me. These people weren’t following the typical pattern of social niceties, which was… irritating. I’d never known how to react in situations where people deviated from the patterns I’d painstakingly picked out over the years.
“Tell me, Master Marcuset, have you seen much combat?” the Kiraak asked.
As he’d spoken, he’d circled me, looking me up and down.
Shifting in place, I said, “Nothing serious.”
The king and his soldiers might have fought a sizeable force of Conscripted and Kiraak after landing on Auden’s shores, but by the time that battle had begun, Spymaster Middle had dispatched me further afield for reconnaissance. I’d missed the bloodbath, fortunately, and before coming to Auden, no large-scale fights had ever pulled me into their deadly embrace.
“Hmm,” the Kiraak said. “Have you ever been in a fist fight, then?”
Wincing, I said, “More than I’d care to admit.”
What an understatement. I firmly did not think of many a wonderful evening left behind in Daira.
“Fascinating,” the Kiraak said. “You’ll do quite nicely.”
“Quite nicely for what, sir?” I blankly asked.
In situations without a pattern, it was best to only display deference and civility, even if this other man had done nothing but unnerve me since first entering the room.
Stepping back with his arms spread wide, the Kiraak said, “For the pits, of course!”
The pits? I’d heard about these, but I couldn’t remember the context I’d heard it in. Maybe it had been in an overheard conversation or a report I’d scanned?
“Even more fascinating,” the Kiraak said, rubbing his chin. “Most candidates break and plead for their lives by now.”
That was… interesting.
“Why would I do that?” I asked. “You have no intention of outright killing me. This current pattern of behavior doesn’t call for it, and if that changes, I’m confident in my ability to defeat you.”
At that, the Kiraak burst out laughing.
“A good candidate indeed,” he said.
On the tail end of the man’s glee, a Conscripted soldier stopped in the room’s threshold, and on receiving the Kiraak’s nod, he stepped closer to give that man his news, which made the Kiraak stiffen.
“Of all the things to happen!” he snapped before glancing at me and subsequently making a face. “Take this one to the pits now. No need for the usual routine.”
Spinning on his heels, the Kiraak left at a run. The solider and I simply stared at one another for a moment.
“You going to make this hard for me?” he soon asked.
“For now? No,” I said.
Why would I do that?
With a faint smile, the Conscripted soldier said, “Then, I’ll let you keep your weapons, although how much good they’ll do you remains to be seen.”
At that, I shrugged, and without another word, the Conscripted soldier led me out of the room.
When we emerged onto Nephiron’s streets, I understood why the Kiraak who’d been eyeing me like a piece of meat had been called away. As with most cities on the coast, Nephiron climbed from out of the ocean and onto higher ground with its town hall resting on the summit, and from atop it, one had an unobstructed view of the sea. Contrary to what I’d seen when first venturing inside the building, a new line of specs marred the join between sky and sea now.
“Are those…?” I breathed.
“Ships, yes,” the Conscripted soldier said. “I haven’t seen such a thing in years.”
“Where did they come from?” I asked, more to myself than for an answer.
Shaking his head, presumably at my wonder, the Conscripted soldier resumed our paused journey, and I followed, thrown by this break in the pattern.
Most people in the west nursed an unholy terror of Auden. No one would have braved a journey to this cursed land except…
No. No, it wasn’t possible. No matter that it fit the pattern, I wouldn’t accept it.
Up ahead, the Conscripted soldier eyed me with his hand on his sword’s hilt.
“You going to make me drag you the rest of the way?” he drawled.
With a headache forming behind them, I rubbed my temples. Why had I stopped like that? I couldn’t indulge in any distractions right now, not when I still wasn’t clear about what was going on. I must focus on the here and now, not what might soon be coming.
With that in mind, I said, “I’ll follow willingly.”
And with a raised eyebrow, the Conscripted soldier continued leading the way.
Despite Nephiron’s regularly spaced streets and intersections, I soon lost a precise sense of my location, if not my way, until my surroundings started getting familiar again. I’d walked down this road when entering Nephiron earlier today. Given that it was near the city’s edge, I wondered if the Conscripted soldier was planning to let me go.
When we took a left instead of continuing forward, however, that theory crumbled to dust. No, this way led to…
The two of us stopped at the edge of a depression in the earth, and finally, the pattern clarified. Tall, curved blocks carved a stepped incline into this depression’s walls, all leading into a perfectly level floor in its sunken center.
“An arena,” I said.
Seeing this, I remembered when I’d heard of the pits. I’d scanned a briefing before agreeing to this mission, and references to these ‘pits’ had been buried within its contents. Apparently, Doldimar found it highly amusing to have his subjects fight each other until exhaustion saw the participants killed or otherwise maimed.
“I see why most candidates beg and plead before their march here,” I said.
Chuckling, the Conscripted soldier trotted down the steps, disappearing into the gaping hole in the pit’s far wall. Did he think I’d follow him? Sure, I’d been compliant to this point, but who walked into a situation like this?
Someone who felt an old, familiar itch crawling under his skin, that was who.
I patted at my tunic, breathing out a sigh of relief when glass brushed against my skin. If that was still there, I could indulge in my old habit. It had been such a long time…
In the dark beyond the pit’s hole, cells lined a hall. People had filled them to capacity with some blankly staring while others gibbered nonsense to an unseen companion. One crazed woman slammed her body against her cage’s bars when I walked by, reaching through them to swipe at my tunic.
Those howls faded the deeper into the earth that I plunged, soon replaced with silence and the occasional sob. When the soldier and I reached it, I recognized the people in the last occupied cell. They were the ones who’d been fleeing from soldiers earlier this morning, and on seeing them, I stopped short.
“There’s a child in there,” I said, pointing at a boy huddled in the corner.
After returning to look, the Conscripted soldier dismissively waved a hand.
“Old enough to fight,” he said.
“Really.”
Without my permission, my fingers twitched, and I did my best to still them.
“How old are you, kid?” I called into the cell.
The boy’s eyes darted between me and the Conscripted soldier, but soon enough, he answered.
“Eleven.”
Turning on my guide, I said, “That’s old enough to fight?”
I found this idea… odd. Most societies followed a pattern that protected children from violence, and while that protection’s length of time varied from culture to culture, most of them would have an eleven-year-old falling within it. I required clarification before I could continue.
Shrugging, the Conscripted soldier said, “You’d be surprised what they can do with such tiny hands and bodies.”
He paused for a moment, looking me up and down.
“Are you thinking about running now?” he asked. “Because I can guarantee that you won’t make it far. It’s almost time for the fights, so the Kiraak will be coming to the pit any minute now. If you don’t do as you’re told, they’ll tear you to pieces.”
That… was an intimidating thought.
Raising my hands, I said, “You’ll have no trouble from me. I was just surprised. The kid doesn’t fit the pattern.”
“Whatever you say, big guy,” the Conscripted soldier said with an eyeroll.
Without another word, he tromped down the hallway with me reluctantly following, but soon, the Conscripted soldier stopped beside an empty cell. When he gestured toward it, I stepped inside.
“I won’t lock the door,” he said. “You’ve been more than cooperative, and if you do decide to run, you’d deserve the fate you’d get.”
That was nice of him.
“Much appreciated,” I said with a nod. “Any idea of when I’ll be fighting?”
“Not sure, but I’d guess you’ll go last this evening,” the Conscripted soldier said. “You’ve got too much potential for it to be otherwise. So, you have some time to prepare and pray to whatever gods you believe in.”
Bowing, I said, “Thank you.”
For a moment, laughter won out over the sobs and screams found below the earth here.
“First time someone’s thanked me for bringing them here,” the Conscripted soldier said to himself as he left.
Once I was alone, I retrieved a bottle, hidden in a pocket sewn into my tunic’s sleeve seam. I grabbed the charcoal and parchment found within its glass, careful not to break it, and sprawling on the ground, I smoothed down my writing surface while considering how to phrase my message.
Every missive from a Hand member went straight to our spymaster. Middle then decoded it before bringing it to the king, and I knew precisely which code would most frustrate my superior. Using it, I described my experience in Nephiron as well as my assessment of the city, ending the letter with an explanation of my decision to investigate the pits. Almost as an afterthought, I included the oddity of those ships that I’d seen on the horizon.
As I folded this paper back into the bottle, I smirked. I wished I could see Middle’s face while he translated what his Thumb had written. Frustrating him like that had always been a pleasure.
After tucking the bottle into its hiding spot, I dismissed it from my thoughts. Sometime in the next few hours, that hidden pocket would flatten after a Zrelnach in Tiro had summoned the bottle.
Those Esela had been a fortunate find, speeding up the process of relaying reports to an extreme. I didn’t miss the days of dead drops, and I could only imagine that Middle liked getting reports from his subordinates on a daily basis instead of sporadically.
Unfortunately, the spymaster would have to live without my daily updates until I was finished with this place. I’d hidden my remaining bottles outside of the city with the rest of my gear. Without them, I had no reliable way of getting a message out of enemy territory. Hopefully, nothing calamitous would occur before I could retrieve my things.
With my tasks as a member of the Hand completed, I settled in to prepare for the fights.
Adventures of the Hand 2.2
Thumb
No matter how hard I tried, my mind wouldn’t go empty, as I’d like. My thoughts kept returning to the last time I’d indulged in this habit.
My opponent—an unimpressive little man—enters the ring, but just because he seems so unintimidating doesn’t mean this fight will be boring. Rolling my shoulders, I stretch, hungrily watching as my opponent strips off his clothing until only skin remains above the waistline. Then, this evening’s referee steps between us.
“I expect a clean match!” he shouts. “No funny business. We go until one of you yields, is incapacitated, or the round’s timer expires. Understand?”
Once he receives his acknowledgments, the referee chops a hand between us combatants.
“Begin!”
My opponent starts with several jabs at my face, each of which I easily block, but I make no move to counter them. The man’s pattern of attack isn’t clear yet, and if I want to understand it, I need more data. Fortunately, the other man is more than willing to oblige. His already ruddy face turns uglier with each of his failed attempts to land a blow, but I don’t pay that much mind because soon enough, I know his pattern.
Lunging around the man’s now predictable right hook, I land a solid uppercut on his jaw. Blood gushes from my opponent’s mouth as his teeth cut into his tongue, and the man topples backward.
“End round!” the referee shouts.
Unsteadily sitting up, my opponent spits blood into the dirt. He shoots metaphorical daggers at me, but I ignore them. Now that my opponent’s pattern is known, this fight has become tedious. I want to finish it.
“Marsuvius!” someone calls from the edge of the ring.
Reluctantly tearing my focus away from analyzing the fight in my head, I plod to the woman asking for me, frowning at her. I don’t know why this woman has continually insisted on acting as my promoter, both before, during, and after fights, but it annoys me how much she interferes in the one area of life where I can relax.
When I’ve reached her, the woman says, “You need to take your punches and bow out in the next round, big guy.”
Which only confuses me.
“Why would I do that?” I say. “That man’s pattern is predictable to an extreme. Now that I know it, I can’t lose.”
With her face going bright red, the woman hisses, “Fuck your pattern! Your opponent is a noble! If you humiliate him, he’ll make your life hell.”
If anything, my opponent’s social status makes me more inclined to ignore the woman’s suggestion. The nobility conform to a pattern of oppression that I, as an Audish slum brat, have always found baffling.
“If the two of you don’t mind…” the referee drawls from his corner, apparently eager to get round two underway.
Before I can leave, the woman grabs my wrist.
“Promise me you’ll take a fall,” she says.
Tugging my hand free, I turn my back on her without a word.
“Marsuvius!” she shouts behind me.
But it’s too late for anything more.
Chopping his hand through the air again, the referee says, “Begin!”
This round, my opponent’s pattern goes somewhat erratic, but that doesn’t happen to a large degree. I let the fight continue for a minute, hoping against hope that I’ve mistaken the other man’s predictability for something more interesting, but when my opponent again goes for a right hook following a feint, I abandon that wish. My surprise is colossal, then, when he slashes cold steel across my blocking arm, sending blood droplets pattering into the dirt.
As the alleged noble brandishes a knife, the crowd cheers, and I look to the referee to call foul and stop this fight. That supposedly impartial man, however, says not a word.
My opponent attacks again, and this time, blood follows each of those blocked thrusts. The noble wickedly smiles, which tells me that if I don’t end this fight soon, I’ll become another corpse in a pauper’s grave.
I won’t let that happen.
Here comes that feint and hook combo again, but this time, instead of blocking the right hook, I catch my opponent’s unarmed hand and squeeze. Bones unnaturally bend beneath my fingers, making the noble howl.
Confident that this injury will incapacitate him, thus ending the fight, I retreat, but my opponent follows me, jabbing at my chest with the knife. Again, this isn’t what I expected, and it makes me slow. I shift my body enough that the blade fails to reach my heart, but it embeds, hilt-deep, into the meat of my arm with its tip painfully bouncing off of bone.
While holding the noble off, I can’t rip my eyes off of that knife’s hilt. This isn’t right. The rules say that weapons aren’t allowed in these fights. They say a match is over when someone is severely wounded. They say that the referee will enforce those rules.
Rules are the pinnacle of human patterns, and patterns are the essence of life. They must not be broken, otherwise, chaos takes over and society collapses. THIS ISN’T RIGHT.
But wait. If… if the noble can break the pattern, does that mean I can too?
When I swing at him this time, my fist meets my opponent’s nose with a crunch, and roaring, I drop to my knees atop the fallen man’s chest. Plucking the knife out of my arm, I slam it into the noble’s face over and over and over and…
I took a shuddering breath. Those memories were of another man, one who’d lived a separate life from me. They had no relevance in the present.
Still, my thoughts refused to slow down, and when a Conscripted soldier came to escort me into the pit, my mind wouldn’t stop spinning. As I stepped outside, the setting sun blinded me with only silence in the air, and when my eyesight cleared, my confidence in my ability to escape this place wavered.
People with black vines squirming under their skin had lined the steps, filling this pit to the brim, with hundreds of eyes piercing me.
And not a single word was spoken. Only the occasional breeze broke an absolute silence.
So, when sniffling came from behind me, I faced the noise’s source with trepidation. A familiar, eleven-year-old boy was hugging his chest near the hole beneath the earth, shuffling in the sand.
“He’s going to be my opponent?” I said. “I thought the Kiraak liked a spectacle. A child won’t be much of a challenge for me.”
Still, a voice called, “You will fight.”
Shivering at the emptiness in that voice, I raised my hand in surrender.
“Whatever you say,” I shouted.
I didn’t like the idea of fighting someone who was unavoidably weaker than me. It wasn’t fun when I had an unearned advantage over my opponent, but when my options were to fight or to brave these violent people’s displeasure, I knew what my choice would be.
Besides, maybe I could use the fight to help the boy out. Unfortunately, when I lifted my fists to try that plan, the boy refused to move from his huddle.
“Come on, kid,” I whispered to him. “Don’t make me hurt you before you’ve had a chance to hit me.”
Sniffing back tears, the kid uncertainly matched my stance.
“Good,” I said with an encouraging nod. “Now, attack me.”
Again, the boy followed my instructions, swinging at me, and I let the blow land, along with several subsequent punches and kicks. From everything I understood about the Kiraak, they’d want to see a display of violence and would kill anyone who didn’t conform to this desire. So, I’d let the kid have a chance to prove he could be entertaining, given time, before decisively finishing this fight.
When that time eventually came, I avoided the kid’s overly ambitious strike, spinning around him. After dislocating the boy’s shoulder, I stepped back. Sure, the pain caused from this injury would be bad, but the boy would be able to recover, quickly returning to health and heartiness.
I faced the audience.
“Good enough?” I shouted over the kid’s screaming.
To my surprise, something landed on my back, and tiny fingernails were raked across my cheeks and neck, engaging long-held instincts. Dropping to the ground, I rolled backward, crushing and subsequently shedding a recently added weight. Once I was back on my feet, I warily watched the kid, flattened into the sand, but that boy didn’t move with only hiccupping sobs to shake his frame.
I didn’t understand. According to accepted decorum, the injury I’d imparted should have ended this fight. I’d proven I was the better brawler, and wasn’t demonstrating superiority the point of contests like this? I should be facing my next opponent, not warily circling the one I’d already bested.
“Why haven’t you sent out my next challenger?” I asked. “Yes, this kid did well, but he’s no match for me.”
This had a rustle breaking the audience’s stillness.
“Where did you find this one, Overseer?” an overly amused voice growled.
A crunch and choking cough followed this question, briefly restoring a deep silence.
“The fight is to the death, Master Marcuset,” a decidedly more imperious voice eventually called. “Do you not understand how the pits work? You’ll stay locked in mortal combat with a string of opponents until you die or satisfy our need for entertainment.”
Snorting, I poorly tried to contain my laughter. That claim couldn’t be right. Sure, I’d only skimmed the briefing that had touched on the pits, but the words ‘mortal combat’ or ‘to the death’ would certainly have leapt off of the page at me.
Besides that, Doldimar had been in power for nigh on three centuries now. With the rate of his Harvests alone, that Dark Lord should be close to a complete cull of the Audish population, but if deaths from the pits were thrown into the mix as well, the kingdom’s citizenry would surely have passed from existence years ago.
Unless Auden was much larger than my fellow Hand members and I had suspected.
The voracious gazes fixed on me revealed how serious these Kiraak were about their demand, though. They sincerely wanted to watch a highly skilled brawler fight a child to the death. What the hell was wrong with them?
“We do as you ask, or what?” I shouted.
Following their command would test me in a way nothing ever had before. Forget the silly emotional rationale that was supposed to affect me at the prospect. Children were the future of humankind. To kill one was to end the possibility of future genius.
“You fight, or we kill you both,” someone from the crowd said.
Oh, how one amused statement changed things. Suddenly, my expected fistfight was no longer about providing entertainment but a visceral struggle for survival. Whose existence would continue at the end of this: the older, stronger man or the underdeveloped kid?
I stood over my opponent, and terrified eyes met mine.
“At least I can make it quick,” I said.
Without thinking about it, I snapped the kid’s neck, and the pit erupted into cheers while a Conscripted soldier dragged the body away. So quick. One child’s potential gone from the world, and already, the next challenger was stalking toward me from across the sand.
As he came, I idly remembered something about how pit fighters eventually lost their minds here, which made perfect sense now. Most couldn’t long withstand the emotional pressure that came with ending a life before something snapped in their head.
As for me, I felt nothing but disgust for the travesty that the Kiraak had forced upon me, and I quickly shook that off in order to face the next threat to my survival.
I had to.
Adventures of the Hand 2.3
Thumb
My next opponent—a stout man, madly smiling—stopped opposite me, and on inspecting him, I quickly discounted any challenge that he might bring. I could easily counter his pattern.
Soon, the cheering around us died, and I waited for the command to begin.
Instead of receiving it, I had to clap my hands to my ears as multiple bells across Nephiron started clanging, a clamorous tumult of ringing chimes—so much noise—and after a beat of stunned silence, the pit dissolved into movement. Howling, the Kiraak sprinted out of the pit, and Conscripted soldiers came forward to herd me and the other combatant away.
When we reached them, the holding cells were in the process of being emptied, and Conscripted soldiers were driving this crowd in the direction opposite the pit. I endured their shoving and screaming, holding back the panic threatening to claw up my throat.
Too many people in one place! I couldn’t read their patterns, and with chaos looming, my vision narrowed to pinpoints with black stalking along its edges.
When we broke into open air once more, creating space, I nearly collapsed with relief, but my torment wasn’t yet at an end. The Conscripted corralled me into a cart filled with prisoners, several of whom tried to bite and scratch at me. The cart bed was crammed with flesh, forcing every inch of my skin into proximity with someone else’s.
I could only stand one person’s touch for more than a few seconds, and that man wasn’t here. How long was I supposed to endure this?
As a final, bawling woman joined the group, a Conscripted soldier slammed the cart’s hatch closed.
“Get your cargo to Elisk as quickly as possible,” she called to the cart driver. “We can’t afford to lose the Dark Lord’s entertainment.”
After an acknowledgment, the cart jerked forward, slamming a mass of bodies into me. I was quite aware that I was hyperventilating, but until I could get away from the chaos of so many interwoven patterns, I’d never get control of my brain or lungs back.
At least black wasn’t threatening to drag me under, like it had been earlier.
The last woman loaded had been left hanging over the back hatch. As we departed Nephiron, her eyes landed on me, and if possible, her sobs became even more violent.
“My son?” she asked.
What was she-?
Oh, Alouin. The kid. She was asking about the kid.
Slowly, I shook my head, and the woman let loose a single shriek. For a moment, her body went limp. Then, she jerked herself over the hatch, tumbling to the earth, and the cart behind us rattled over that debris a breath later.
Seeing this, my panic subsided, replaced with something… other. I’d only experienced this sensation once before, but it shouldn’t be showing its face now. It didn’t belong to me but the man I’d once been.
The jingle of a key ring approaches my cell, which doesn’t match the pattern of the guards’ established patrol. Another three-quarter mark should have passed before the next one.
So, I unlace my fingers from behind my head, quickly sitting up. Shortly afterward, the third-shift guard swings open my cell’s door, and a stranger saunters inside with the guard quickly departing.
I stay perfectly still. With no indication of what pattern the other man holds to, I’m not sure how to act or what to say. The cell’s quiet must have become uncomfortable because the stranger soon shifts in place.
“I hear you’re good with codes,” he says.
And I shrug. I’ve unraveled patterns for Daira’s thieves guilds on occasion, whenever I’ve needed extra coin, but I wouldn’t call my work ‘good’.
“You’ve gotten yourself into quite the pickle, Master Marsuvius. Killing an ambassador from the Southern Kingdoms, even if the man provoked it, is never wise,” the stranger says, clicking his tongue with disapproval. “Kaedesa was furious about that until I told her about your unique skills.”
He ceases his flow of words as if expecting a response, but I have nothing to say. When they pulled me off the nobleman I attacked, they said I was incoherent with rage. That I attacked several other patrons. That restraining me took four other brawlers’ strength. I remember none of it, just my opponent breaking society’s pattern and something subsequently breaking in me.
“Have they told you what’s happening come morning?” the stranger asks.
“Execution,” I reply.
It’s a fitting punishment. I doled out death on the man who broke the pattern and as a result, broke one of society’s most sacred rules. I deserve what’s coming.
“How would you like a grant of reprieve instead?” the stranger asks.
Cocking my head, I consider his proposal. Continued existence is, of course, preferrable to death, but this offer confuses me.
“Wouldn’t that break your laws?” I ask.
“The queen makes the laws, and she’s the one offering,” the stranger counters.
An acceptable line of reasoning. Which leaves…
“Why would she offer such a thing?” I ask.
“She has need of your abilities, although I suppose I should test them before we go any further,” the stranger says while retrieving a document from a breast pocket. “We found this among the belongings of the ambassador you killed.”
Accepting the sheet of parchment, I scan it. At first glance, it seems like a love letter to a mistress in Daira, but on closer inspection, I notice a familiar, coded pattern in its otherwise confusing words and…
“The ambassador planned to use his protected status to get close to the queen so he could kill her,” I say while handing the document back.
“Exactly as we surmised,” the stranger says with a half-smile. “So, would you like a stay of execution?”
I hesitate but eventually nod.
“Excellent! Welcome to the Queen’s Hand,” the stranger says, offering me a hand.
Reluctantly shaking it, I suppress a shudder at our point of contact.
“My name’s Oswin,” the stranger says. “I’m your spymaster, and together, we’ll create a little chaos.”
At that idea, I promptly throw up.
That same reaction was threatening to overwhelm me now. Only the angry glares of the people around me were keeping my stomach contained.
What did other people call this sensation? Self-disgust? Regret? Somewhere in between? Whatever it was, I couldn’t shake it. That kid’s eyes were burning into me, even now.
I could produce a slew of logical reasons for what I’d done in the pit. My king needed me. If I’d let the kid kill me, the boy would have died at the hands of his next opponent, and that death wouldn’t have been nearly as painless.
None of these rationalizations, however, had been floating through my mind when I’d snapped the kid’s spine. All I’d known was his life versus my own, and I’d chosen myself. It was a perfectly rational choice, one I’d made countless times in the past, but this one already haunted me, which was frustrating.
In a struggle to survive, nothing but strength should matter. Not gender, not genius, not age…
I buried my face in my hands, rubbing at my gritty eyes. What was I doing? Feelings like this shouldn’t distract me from my job. I was the Thumb of Raimie’s Hand. My sole purpose was to serve the king.
So, I carefully pulled my message in a bottle from its hidden pocket. This was the last report I’d be able to send for a while. Best to make it thorough.
Ignoring the curious glances directed my way, I added the information about the commotion in the pit and my current transport to Elisk at the end of my report.
So many Kiraak scrambling away from a favored form of entertainment and the appearance of ships on the horizon could only mean one thing. Someone else had invaded Auden, and they’d been lucky enough to make their landing at Nephiron instead of on an abandoned beach.
As I returned the parchment to its bottle, it disappeared, right as I replaced the stopper. This display of magic stirred something from the dejected people around me, but their reactions didn’t last long. They soon returned to listless staring.
As for me, panic took over once more. The creak of the cart’s wheels barely covered the noise of my ragged gasping.
Chapter 22: A Pit Stop
Raimie
We were halfway through the third day of our journey to the Birthing Grounds when Oswin pulled everyone to the side.
“We’re being followed,” he quietly told us.
Which seemed to surprise only me. Kylorian, Little, and Ryvolim all nodded their agreement while I looked on incredulously.
“What do you mean someone’s following us?” I asked.
And at my side, Dim clicked their tongue.
“What? You didn’t notice?” they said, almost sneering at me. “I thought it was fairly obvious.”
Sighing, Bright said, “Don’t be such a brute. Remember. He’s a little less… attuned—we’ll call it—than usual still.”
I tried to ignore them. As I’d expected, my splinters had been irritable since I’d closed Da’kul’s tear. It hadn’t yet become a problem, but still, I’d rather not reward their bad behavior with my attention.
Glancing behind our group, Kylorian said, “Yeah, I caught signs of it this morning. Any idea who it could be?”
As Little shrugged, Ryvolim chuckled.
“I have a guess, but I’m not sure if I’m right yet,” he said. “Shall I go surprise our uninvited guest?”
Oswin waved a hand back the way we’d come.
“If you think you can do it without trouble, I don’t see why you shouldn’t,” he said.
Hmm. That had been less caustic than he usually was with Ryvolim. With him presenting another persona, had Oswin started getting over whatever had made him so antagonistic to my friend?
“I’ll be off, then!” Ryvolim said.
With a loose salute, he spun on his heel and strode into the nearby brush. While we waited for him to return, I took a moment to enjoy the scenery around me.
After leaving Tiro, we’d taken a loose march through the Cerrin Forest, heading north toward a passage through the mountains. After reaching the other side, we’d entered a new region, one governed by Enforcer Dalinasth. Thank the gods for my Hand, taking the time to figure out which Enforcers reigned over which regions, at least on the western fringe of Auden.
This region claimed the straggling remnants of the Cerrin Forest, but then, that thick clumping of trees gave way to a stretch of plains. My companions and I had been traveling along the trailing ends of this for the last day or so, heading toward a town where Kylorian wanted us to resupply. While there, he and the spies in our midst were also hoping to gather any new intelligence that might have spawned since we’d left Tiro. This town was the closest to the Birthing Grounds, or so they said.
Oo, Marcuse had not been pleased about this part of my plan, the one thing I’d left unmentioned during our meeting. He’d kept pushing me to stay with the army, continually repeating that I’d need their protection until we got closer to the Birthing Grounds. Eventually, I’d had to tap into some of my newfound ‘authority’ to stop him.
I still wasn’t sure why he’d been so worried about me. He knew I could take care of myself.
Soon enough, a disturbance in the nearby forest led to Ryvolim striding out of it, dragging someone along by his tunic’s collar.
“As I thought,” he called. “One younger brother, as ordered.”
While speaking those last words, Ryvolim lightly tossed his ‘prisoner’ into our midst, and after he’d stumbled to a stop, Little and Middle groaned while Kylorian froze, and I slapped a hand to my face. Seemingly satisfied with this display, Ryvolim leaned against a tree’s trunk with his arms crossed.
Kylorian was the first to recover his voice.
“Hadrion?” he gasped. “What are you doing here?”
Wrinkling his nose, the teenager said, “Joining you, obviously. Oh! And Ren says hello, to you and Raimie both. She seemed exasperated about getting left behind again.”
Groaning, Kylorian rubbed his temples.
“You can’t-! I just… ugh!”
Turning away, he banged on his forehead for a moment before spinning back toward his brother with a finger pointed accusingly.
“Does Dury know you’re here?” he snapped.
That question seemed to make Hadrion uncomfortable. Shuffling in place, he looked anywhere but at his older brother.
“Technically? No,” he said. “I convinced him to let me train with those fancy Zrelnach that Raimie moved to the fortress. I was supposed to be headed there, but that wasn’t my real plan.”
He shrugged.
“I don’t know. He probably knows I went off-script by now. The Zrelnach were supposed to send a message to Tiro once I reached them.”
Squeezing his eyes closed, Kylorian muttered under his breath, probably meaning for no one else to hear it.
“Alouin damned little brothers…”
But then, he strode forward to grab Hadrion’s elbow.
“All right. I’m taking you back to Tiro. Right now,” he said.
“What?!” Hadrion said. “No! I want to help!”
“Not with this, you don’t,” Kylorian growled. “This group will be the first into the Birthing Grounds. We’ll be the most in danger during the battle, and I am not letting you walk into that. Not like this.”
Practically squeaking with outrage, Hadrion struggled against his brother’s grip.
“Let me go! You don’t understand. I have to-!”
“You know… if you take him back to Tiro, you won’t catch up with us,” Oswin drawled. “You’ll leave Ryvolim without someone watching his back, like we originally planned, and maybe he can handle whatever comes his way, but maybe not. Do you want to be responsible if something happens to him?”
I narrowed my eyes at Oswin. The spy knew that my friend wouldn’t need any help in the coming battle, not with all of the special tricks he had up his sleeve. From what I understood, Ryvolim had accepted Kylorian’s offer of help simply to build upon my ties with the other man.
But Kylorian didn’t know this. Stopping short, he looked torn, and hell, if I couldn’t understand that. What did one do when one was caught between protecting a loved one and following through on a promise?
“Hey Ky, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone, preferably,” I said. “The others can watch Hadrion while we do that. He won’t be going anywhere.”
Slowly, Kylorian nodded, and as he released his younger brother, Little casually stopped at the teenager’s back, widening that now-horrid smirk of his.
I couldn’t spend too long looking at his healing scars, though. I knew they weren’t my fault, that Little had chosen to accept them as part of his duties, but still, looking at them made me feel guilty, and I didn’t know what to do with that.
Fortunately, Kylorian joined me quickly, and we walked a few paces away from the rest, far enough that they wouldn’t overhear us.
Huddling closer to him, I said, “Why not let him come with us, at least for a time? We won't reach the Birthing Grounds for a couple more days. Surely in that time we can find somewhere safe to ditch your brother, and once the battle’s over, we can pick him up on our way back to Tiro.”
Kylorian took a moment to look back at his brother before wincing.
“I don’t like it… but yeah, you’re right,” he said. “Still. Had-had’s always been the one Ren and I look out for, the one we… we have to keep safe. He’s already been through too much. I won’t let anything bad happen to him again, if I can help it.”
“I get that,” I said, “but this way, we can make sure he’s safe, and he’ll feel like he’s helping us in some way.”
Sighing, Kylorian nodded, as if in defeat.
“I’ll go tell him he can stay,” he said. “The rest of you should get ready for the afternoon’s outing.”
Ah, yes. That. I hadn’t been looking forward to our venture into Sanc. The last time I’d introduced myself to unknown Audish citizens, it had ended with most of them reviling me and a days-lingering threat of death hovering over my head. If I somehow messed up during today’s visit, revealing my identity, how would it go this time?
You will be fine, heart of my heart, Nylion whispered through my mind. And I will be there to help.
Fair enough, I said with a smile. Besides, I have Bright and Dim around for if things truly turn to shit.
…Right, Nylion said.
When I turned back toward my companions, I found Hadrion jiggling in place.
“I can come?” he excitedly said.
Rolling his eyes, Kylorian said, “This might be the worst mistake I’ve ever made, but yes. You can come.”
Cheering, Hadrion ran in a little circle before breaking into a flailing dance, which I watched with amusement. I was glad he was happy.
“Yes, yes, much hurrahs and all for joining up with a deadly mission,” Little said. “Can we get back to the march now? I’d like to reach this new town before dark.”
Mm, that was a good idea. I doubted Sanc’s residents would appreciate strangers appearing in their town during the night, given the many Harvests and other travesties that took place in Auden.
Gods, there were so many things I’d have to fix once Doldimar was out of the picture…
Or maybe not, Nylion said.
He got me to flick my eyes to Kylorian, and I nodded at the unspoken reminder. At some point, he and I should talk about how we’d handle our succession when… or if that eventually came. Maybe I could bring it up when we set up camp tonight.
But first, we had to get through the day.
Fortunately, the sun was still high in the sky when we reached Sanc. As my companions and I stepped into the town’s outskirts, people watched us with wary eyes while a few came out onto their home’s stoops or the street.
As planned, this was when Kylorian took up position in front of us. He’d made sure to roll up his sleeves as much as possible, showing off his Corruption-free skin. Earlier in the day, I’d changed into a set of plain trousers and a tunic, and while this would have been perfectly fine for me in the past, it had become less comfortable over the last few months. In that time, my uniform had become a sort-of second skin for me, and being without it made me feel… antsy, for some reason.
But both Middle and Ryvolim had said it would draw too much attention while in Sanc, and having those two agree on something had been a powerful argument to follow their suggestion.
Our presentation seemed to have worked for these townspeople. As we traveled deeper between the buildings, families and individuals returned to what they’d been doing, and we were allowed to reach a small marketplace unimpeded.
Sanc looked similar to Paft and the other towns that sat near Ada’ir’s Withriingalm. Wood-board houses with the occasional shed lined the thoroughfare with a few homesteads standing apart from the rest. The road itself was dusty and well-traversed, judging from the evenly spaced ruts forged down the center of it, and there was a mix of open-air booths and enclosed shops in town square.
What was completely different from Ada’ir, however, were the people. While the Zrelnach and I had been traveling through Ada’ir last year, the occasional armed party might have greeted us, but at the time, we’d been a veritable army, moving through relatively uninhabited land. Here, six people, or six visible ones at least, made up my party, and on seeing us, these people had hurried to hide their children in houses or grab any weapons within arm’s reach.
Scared. They seemed much more scared than anyone I’d met in Ada’ir or even Tiro.
When we reached the marketplace, I didn't approach shopkeepers and the like. Not only was I not very good at negotiations—not ones like this, at least—but I wouldn’t be the best choice for it in the first place. That honor went to Kylorian, who knew this land’s customs best, and the spies in our midst, who could fake their way through anything they didn’t know.
So, instead of talking with merchants or trying to get intel, as Ryvolim had taken off to do, I stood in the middle of town square, probably looking like a lazy lout. In reality, though, I was taking the pulse of this town, just… feeling what it was like to be here. Trying to put myself into the mindset of the average Audish citizen.
If I'd been born here, what would it have been like? Would I have looked over my shoulder for a Harvest or the next disaster to drop? Would I have felt like I was in constant danger, prepared for death to come at any moment? From what I understood, that was what Sanc’s citizens faced on a daily basis. Why was it so easy and somewhat familiar to imagine what that would feel like?
Dim interrupted my introspection before I could get too deep into it.
“That kid you took on has gone wandering,” they said. “Headed toward something delicious smelling too.”
Great.
Turning in a circle, I found Hadrion before taking off after him. He’d disappeared behind a house’s corner, and as I approached that point, I heard thuds and the clash of steel coming from nearby.
Hell. Had we somehow wandered into a fight for this town?
That idea had me putting on a burst of speed, which made running into Hadrion once I’d turned the corner hurt much worse than it should have. Somehow, I stayed on my feet, reaching for the teenager as I rebounded.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was…”
I trailed off, unable to speak a single word more.
A small, fenced-in yard lay behind the house, and in it, a group of children had formed a ring around two of them, both of whom were pummeling each other. I took a step forward, meaning to stop whatever form of bullying this was, but stopped when I saw the adult sitting on a nearby fence post. With her arms hanging from her knees, she was calling out to the kids in the center, carefully watching them. Why… why wasn’t she stopping the fight?
“I was wondering where I’d find this,” Hadrion quietly said.
I turned to him with my mouth gaping before slowly closing it.
Clearing my throat, I said, “Hadrion. What the hell is going on here?”
He glanced at me with a half-smile.
“What do you mean ‘what’s going on’?” he said. “Don’t you have training yards where you’re from?”
“Well, yes. Of course we do,” I said. “Pretty sure every kingdom has one somewhere in it. Why?”
Gesturing to the kids, Hadrion said, “That’s what this is.”
…What?
With every muscle locked in place, turning my head back toward the group of children was a fight for me. I watched one of them straddle the other, raising a fist back to punch the kid’s face and- and-
“How can this be a training yard?” I asked.
But as they’d emerged, those words had sounded far away, and I could swear fuzz had coated my tongue.
“No one in there looks older than what? Six-years-old?”
That couldn’t be right. Gods. It couldn’t… be right. Couldn’t!
“That’s right,” Hadrion said. “You start learning how to fight practically from birth here. Is that not how it’s done in…?”
The rest of his question vanished into the background. Instead, the words ‘from birth’ echoed on repeat in my head, and for reasons I couldn’t begin to comprehend, this made my stomach lurch.
Slapping my hand to my mouth, I took one slow step back. And then another.
I didn’t understand. Why was this happening? I shouldn’t want to run, shouldn’t-
It was just some children, doing what they must to-!
“Gods,” I panted against my hand.
“You ok, Raimie?” someone… maybe Dim… asked.
Forcing my hand down, I swallowed while curling my hands into fists.
“I’m… fine,” I dazedly said.
Had to be fine, must always look strong, could never let anyone see an opening into-
GET AWAY FROM THERE NOW, Nylion shouted in my head.
Nodding to him, I pointed behind me.
“I’m just… going to…” I numbly said.
At the edge of my vision, a man appeared, flanked by several other people in uniform, and they were there but they weren’t but they were but they weren’t.
Barely keeping from screaming, I rattled out, “I’ll be right back.”
And then, I promptly ran the fuck away.
Chapter 23: Suspicions of Past Trouble
Ryvolim
I was in the middle of a pleasant conversation with one of Sanc’s farmers, gradually plying information about the Birthing Grounds from him, when Raimie flat-out sprinted past us, moving as if monsters were on his tale. I was on my feet, reaching for a weapon, before he’d passed, same as the man beside me, but when nothing followed him, we both slowly relaxed.
“What… was that?” the farmer said. “Is he with you?”
He glanced at me, suspiciously squinting, and I moved away.
“I’m not sure what that was, friend,” I said, “but I’m going to check on it regardless. Want to come?”
Snorting, the farmer retook his seat on his home’s porch.
“Nah. You have at it,” he said.
Perfect.
Lifting a hand in farewell, I started in a trot toward where Raimie had disappeared into a patch of trees nearby.
I almost missed him in there. No one was standing under these trees’ protection, leaving the copse seemingly empty, and I saw no traces of my friend anywhere else.
So, I opened my senses: hearing, smell, and the more mystical ones as well. A pocket of distortion was sitting high in the branches of a tree beside me, and at the edge of my hearing range, I could hear a voice mumbling.
“We’re ok. Not gonna get us up here. We’re ok.”
What the hell was Raimie doing up a tree?
Coming to a stop beneath him, I rested my hands on my hips.
“Raimie?” I called. “What’s going on?”
After a pause, my friend shouted back, “You… go away. You can’t get me up here, and I’m not coming down.”
What the…? Slowly, I took a step forward.
“Raimie. It’s me. Your friend,” I said. “Whatever’s going on, it’s ok. You’re safe right now, all right? Nobody’s going to hurt you.”
A pinecone flew from out of the tree to bounce off my head, and I stopped short with a yelp, rubbing at my scalp.
“GO AWAY!” Raimie roared.
And that raised, terrified voice pushed so many flashing memories, ones full of myself after a session with Reive, through my mind.
…Oh, shit. I might know what this was, and if I was right, it was not a good time for Raimie to experience it. I needed to get him down as quickly as possible.
“I won’t leave you here, Raimie. I would never do that to a friend,” I said, keeping my voice as soothing as possible. “Do you know where we are right now? This is Sanc, in Auden. Remember? We came here to resupply before moving on. We talked about that this morning. Right? You were being a lazy sod when the sun rose, kept asking for five more minutes in your bedroll, and I-”
“You smeared grass and soil all over my face to get me up, you asshole,” Raimie blearily said.
Oh, thank the gods.
I gave my friend a moment, waiting for him to speak again, and he did so within a few heartbeats.
“Why am I up a tree? I don’t… ugh, what happened?”
“I think I might know,” I called up to him, “but you’ll have to come down here before I can explain. I’m sure as hell not coming up to you.”
There was a beat of silence and then…
“Fuck,” Raimie muttered before raising his voice. “All right. Give me a second.”
With an abundance of noise, my friend slowly and clumsily climbed to the ground, which I watched with many a wince. Raimie was usually much nimbler than this, but then, I couldn’t blame him, if I was right about what had happened.
Turning to me, he brushed himself off before looking around.
“I was just beside Hadrion,” he said. “Where did that kid go? I was worried he was going to…”
He trailed off with his eyes going distant, and I hurried forward to rest my hand on his arm.
“It’s ok,” I said once again. “I’m sure Hadrion’s fine, and so are you.”
“Right,” Raimie slowly said before shaking his head. “So? What in the void is going on?”
Oh, boy. Wouldn’t that be a fun question to answer?
Before I could get started with that, though, a teenager trotted into view, releasing a held puff of air when he saw Raimie.
“Oh, good. You’re ok,” Hadrion said. “I wasn’t sure. What happened? I’ve never seen someone take off so quickly before, and that’s saying something.”
“I…”
But Raimie said nothing more, looking increasingly confused and scared, so I patted at the air, getting his attention back on me.
“Don’t worry, my friend,” I said. “I’ll still explain because Hadrion will most definitely understand what’s happened here. He’s the most kind and considerate kid I’ve come across in a while, matched only by you. Right?”
Huffing a short laugh, Raimie said, “Yeah. That’s right. You want to come over here, Hadrion? I… I think I ran off on you. So, can I reassure you that I’m ok with story time between friends?”
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Hadrion grinned so damn wide, ambling toward us.
“Sounds great!” he chirped.
Finding a nice spot of earth in front of me, he plopped to the ground, but Raimie and I remained standing. I wasn’t sure when my friend would calm down enough to relax like that, and I wouldn’t make him feel awkward by leaving him the only one on his feet.
How did I start with this again? I’d had to have this conversation a few times in the past, unfortunately, and after the many times I’d done it, I’d come up with a great way of explaining something that most would consider unnerving, a way that wouldn’t scare the listener.
Oh, right.
“I think we can all agree that bad things happen to people every so often, right?” I said.
While Raimie hesitantly nodded, Hadrion laughed.
“Yeah, of course,” he said. “What about it?”
“Well sometimes, when that thing is so bad that a person doesn’t know how to handle it, it gets stuck in the person’s brain, like a splinter,” I said. “It can remain like that, just sleeping, for decades at a time. Sometimes, it’s quiet for long enough that the person forgets it’s there, but sooner or later, they’ll stumble across something that reminds them of that bad thing.
“When that happens, the person will usually go through everything they were feeling in those moments of pain and fear again, and sometimes, the brain and body will remember what happened in perfect clarity. The person will react to a perceived threat, one that’s very real to them, however they did before. All of which is a perfectly normal and natural response to the bad thing that happened to them back then.
“I think that’s what happened here.”
If anything, Raimie looked even more confused by my explanation, but Hadrion seemed to understand.
“Oh….” he said. “Yeah, that makes sense. I’ve had that happen sometimes. It’s not fun.”
Reaching out, he sympathetically patted Raimie’s leg, even as my friend’s brow crinkled.
“I understand what you’re talking about, but… I’m not sure if that applies to me,” he said. “I’ve never… those kids. I’ve never been in a situation like them. When I was growing up, I spent most of my time playing outside, so…”
I was a little lost, unsure what kids Raimie was referencing, but at this point, that didn’t matter.
“Hmm,” I said. “Well to me, it certainly looked like your body was reacting like I’ve explained. Maybe we can figure this out. Do you remember what you were saying when you were up in that tree?”
“Oo! Or did you see anything before you ran away?” Hadrion added.
When we both looked at him, he shrugged.
“What? Sometimes, I see things when I’m reacting to my 'brain splinters',” he said.
“As do I,” I quietly said.
Although I refused to think about what those things were.
For a moment, Raimie chewed on his lip.
“I don’t know,” he drawled. “I…”
Shaking his head, he collapsed to a seat beside Hadrion, letting me sit as well.
“There was this little boy,” he hesitantly said. “A group of people was chasing him. I think they were soldiers, maybe? I vaguely recall them wearing uniforms, but I’m not sure about that. Anyway, I knew… somehow… that he’d be in mortal danger if those people caught him, and he wasn’t running fast enough. So, I grabbed the little boy and ran for him. Got him somewhere safe. Or that’s how I remember it, at least. Not sure how it applies to what actually happened.”
Hadrion and I exchanged a glance, at which I shrugged. When I’d had to deal with my locked-tight memories, I’d never experienced anything quite like that, but I knew how varied humanity’s reactions to trauma could be.
Fortunately, Raimie seemed too lost in thought to have seen our interaction.
“I don’t see how that’s related to me, though,” he said. “It’s just… it’s just…”
He fell silent with his motions getting lethargic, which concerned me.
“Maybe this ‘bad thing’ was something that happened while we were traveling in Ada’ir?” I said. “Or you could have experienced something while here that could explain it. I’m not-”
With a hiss, Raimie jerked his head up. He fixed me with a fierce stare, even as he pressed one hand to the top of his forehead and groaned in pain.
“Stop. Pushing,” he snapped. “In the next few days, we will be going into combat, where we will all hover over a balance beam of life or death. It is an exceptionally bad idea to poke at these kinds of things right now. Or do you want… me to continue with these panic attacks and… ‘reactions’ over the next few days? Because that is all that will happen if you keep pushing. Gods. Why do I have to explain this to…?”
For half a heartbeat, Raimie seemed to space out, blankly gazing at me, before roughly shaking his head.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “My head is killing me right now. I’m not sure how what I saw is related to me or my past, but maybe we should leave it for now. We have to meet up with Ky and the spies before we can set up camp, and I need some rest soon.”
He glanced at me with a hesitant smile, and I… needed to listen to my friend. When I’d encountered people who handled trauma in the way he was, letting them lead the way had always been best. So, while I wasn’t sure why Raimie had reacted so fiercely to my final suggestions, I’d respect what he’d said about getting some rest.
“That’s fair,” I said.
While Raimie breathed out a sigh of relief, Hadrion hopped to his feet, resting one hand on his hip with the other pointed at an angle into the air.
“To find my brother, then!” he shouted.
Which only made me laugh.
As we climbed to our feet, he marched back toward Sanc, but before Raimie could follow him, I rested my hand on his shoulder.
“I promise I won’t push ,” I said, “but if you ever want to talk about this again, I’m open to it, whenever you’d like.”
With a crooked smile, Raimie said, “I’ll keep that in mind. For now, though, I think we have a kid to keep out of trouble?”
“Very, very true,” I said with mock seriousness.
I dropped my hand, letting my friend hurry after Hadrion, and if worry still clung to me as I followed in his footsteps, I refused to admit that out loud.
Chapter 24: A Friend's Story
Raimie
By the time dinner rolled around, I was exhausted in a way I hadn’t been for a long time. My fucking brain was hurting, right alongside my aching calves and feet, but still, I did what I could to get our nighttime meal prepared before settling around the fire with my companions.
As soon as everyone was comfortable, I said, “So, what did we get?”
I’d much rather focus on our efforts to gather information than any other strange things that might have happened today, no matter how much they might concern me in a variety of ways. Nylion had disappeared shortly after… then, and I wasn’t sure where he could have gone.
“Well…” Little drawled, “we might have a problem when it comes to the Enforcers side of things.”
He took a moment to chew a bite of his food while the rest of us impatiently watched him.
“I was talking to some people in that town’s tavern. Nice folks. They were super sympathetic to the ‘poor orphan boy who got his scars from a rogue Kiraak’,” he continued, batting his eyes as he shared his cover story. “Anyway, they told me that Doldimar’s left two Enforcers behind for this year’s trek to the capital instead of just the one. There were also rumors of a third too, but most of the tavern regulars didn’t take them seriously.”
“Any idea of which ones he’s left?” Ryvolim asked.
He was sprawled across the ground, propping himself up on an elbow, and contrary to Kylorian’s bug-eyed look of terror at his side, he looked perfectly at ease with the idea of handling twice as many Enforcers as we’d originally planned.
“My source mentioned Adrinosk, like we’d originally heard, but apparently, some girl named Arabelna has stuck around as well,” Little said. “The rumors of the third came from the fact that Foln apparently has yet to return to her home roost of Nephiron, but that doesn’t mean she’s stayed in the Birthing Grounds. Not for sure.”
“She has, by the way. Stayed there, I mean.”
Grimacing, I snapped my gaze to Dim, hovering around our group’s periphery.
“Dim. Are you telling me you could have let me know about this insignificant detail of the plan before now?” I said. “Because if that’s so, why the hell did you wait to share it until now? What was the point of visiting Sanc?”
Lifting an eyebrow, Dim said, “Besides getting more food so you lot don’t starve?”
As I continued glaring at them, I tried to ignore the stares coming from the distinctly real people around me. Soon enough, though, Dim made a face.
“Look, I thought visiting the town would be fun! Ok?” they said. “I didn’t expect you to go all panicked rabbit on me.”
As I jerked away from them, Bright hissed, “Really? Why bring that up now?”
Fortunately, Oswin was quick on the uptake for what had happened, drawing my attention back to him.
“One of your splinters confirmed the rumor?” he asked.
“In the snarkiest manner possible, yes,” I grumbled, vaguely wishing I could smack Dim.
They seemed to find that idea amusing, chortling into their hand.
“That might throw a kink into the plan,” Oswin said. “Ryvolim, will you be able to handle three Enforcers, possibly all at once?”
Making a face, Ryvolim said, “Probably? It’ll be much more difficult, and I’ll need a lot more time than I originally thought, but since I’ll have some help—”
Here, he nudged Kylorian with a mischievous smile.
“—I’m pretty sure I can manage it.”
“You’re ‘pretty sure’?” Oswin said. “I’d rather if you were definitely sure, considering how much of Raimie’s plan hinges on you taking out the Kiraak’s Enforcers.”
Abruptly, Ryvolim dropped any sign of enthusiasm or mischievous behavior, letting a piece of his true personality peek through.
“They will be handled, Oswin,” he said. “Of that, I can assure you.”
After a moment of intense scrutiny, Oswin shrugged.
“Fine, then,” he said. “Did we learn anything else of note? I know we were mostly interested in who Doldimar left behind but…”
On looking over the blank and unresponsive faces around me, I huffed.
“I don’t know about you, Oswin, but I’m happy to have the information we needed,” I said. “That seems like enough to me.”
Making a face, Oswin said, “Fair.”
“Mm!”
Kylorian finished with his bite before grinning at me.
“I figured out one way we could implement our plan while in Sanc,” he said. “We don’t have to talk about it now, but I thought I should let you know.”
Oh, good. I was glad he’d been thinking about that because I’d been a bit too… busy to give our proposed contest more than the slightest of thoughts.
“Raimie, what’s he talking about?” Oswin said.
I glanced at Kylorian, asking for his permission to share, and on receiving a nod, launched into an explanation with enthusiasm.
“Something I recently learned: Ky here is apparently my distant cousin,” I said, “which means he has as much of a right to Auden’s throne as I do. Before we got here, he and Tanwadur were using this fact to advance their resistance’s cause, and after I learned about it, I proposed that instead of fighting over who would lead Auden once this war is behind us, we should let the Audish people make that decision for us.”
Leaning back on my hands, I waited for Oswin’s response to this idea with anticipation. I was rather proud of it, but instead of looking pleased, as I’d thought he might, the spy frowned.
“Raimie,” he practically snapped, “you can’t keep running away from your responsibilities-”
“I’m not!”
As my shout rang in the air around us, Hadrion shifted in place while Little looked anywhere but at me, but I couldn’t help myself. After everything else that had happened today, Oswin’s accusation had hurt worse than it normally would.
Taking a calming breath, I continued, “I have accepted the position of king when it comes to our people, and so long as they will have me, I will carry that role. If the Audish people decide that I am the best man to lead them into their future, then I will do my utmost to be a good and just king for them, but forgive me if I want to give freedom of choice to people who’ve long been without it, especially for something as important as who will lead them.”
Oswin was angry with me. I could tell from his flared nostrils and the heat practically blazing from his eyes, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I wasn’t backing down from this idea. It was important to me in a way I couldn’t fully describe.
So, much as it might pain me that Oswin disliked it, I would carry through with it regardless.
“Well. Personally, I think that’s a good idea, sir,” Little said, breaking the silence. “People should always have choice in as much of their lives as possible, yes? And this way, you’ll still need your Hand for a while too.”
Oh…. shit. Was that why Oswin was upset? Did he think I was trying to abandon him with this idea? Why would he think that?
“That’s right,” I said, “and even if I didn’t require a Hand anymore, I’d still absolutely need my friends at my side. All of them.”
Slowly, Oswin relaxed from his tensed state, fixing his stare on the fire instead of me, and after a pause, he jerked his head in a single nod.
Beside me, Dim chortled.
“Hell, you lot are fun,” they said under their breath.
And I ignored them, as I must.
“Does that mean me too? And- and what about Ky?”
Rapidly blinking, I focused on Hadrion, who was curled over on himself while leaning away from the group.
“Of course I’m talking about you too, Hadrion!” I said. “Of course! You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. I’d be honored to call you friend. And as for Ky…”
Hesitantly, I glanced at the other man, who was chomping away at his dinner as if nothing dramatic had happened in the last ten minutes. Given the small bits I’d seen of his interactions with his father, his nonchalance in the face of arguments didn’t surprise me.
At the sound of his name, he paused with his chewing, looking at me warily.
“As for Ky, I’d like to be his friend,” I said, “but I also wouldn’t want to force that sort of thing on him too.”
Choking, Kylorian pounded on his chest for a minute before he could recover.
“Yeah, that… friendship’s fine by me,” he coughed.
Which only made me smile. Gods, how many people could I call friend now? Five people, if I included Dath, left on the other side of the sea? Hell. I’d never thought this sort of thing would be possible. When I was a child, the only relationship that had come close to friendship had been with Nylion. I’d never thought I’d have the social acumen or a desirable enough personality for other, real-life people to call me friend.
But here we were now.
“Great. Two more people for us to keep an eye on, then,” Little said, rolling his eyes. “All right. So, since this is apparently going to be a thing, tell us more about yourselves, please. Kylorian, you’re a distant relative of our oh-so-magnificent king, plus some sort of freedom fighter. That makes sense. What about you, Hadrion? What’s your story?”
Oh, that had been rude.
“Ignore him, Hadrion,” I said. “We don’t need-”
“I’m originally from the Birthing Grounds,” Hadrion said, interrupting me with aplomb.
And everyone went silent. That had been quite the fact to drop on us.
“Had-had, you don’t have to say anything…” Kylorian quietly said.
But Hadrion shook his head.
“No, I want to tell them,” he said. “They’re good and kind. I can trust them with my story. So.”
He scooted closer to the fire, holding his hands out to it with his gaze pinned on its flames, but I could understand that. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to see how we’d react either.
“My parents were Conscripted soldiers, stationed in the Birthing Grounds. I’m not sure why I was born because usually, pregnancies are terminated there, as soon as they’re detected, and yet, I was brought to full-term.
“In the same way, children don’t typically… survive in the Birthing Grounds. Kiraak take particular pleasure in hurting kids. Something to do with the joy that the Corruption in them takes from stealing a child’s innocence. I don’t know. All I do know is that children either die quickly around Kiraak or they get taken away to be used in ways I don’t even want to think about.
“But I was left alone, for the most part. I don’t remember much of those first few years, just snippets. Mom doing her level-best to keep me at arm’s reach. Other members of the squad playing games with me when they had the chance. Being hidden away whenever an Enforcer from another region came to visit. It wasn’t the worst childhood but…”
Falling silent, Hadrion chewed on his lip, and as I watched him collect his thoughts, I knew why he’d been so understanding with me earlier today. No wonder he’d intuitively grasped what Rhylix had been talking about!
“Something changed when I was six or so,” Hadrion soon continued. “I’m not sure what happened, but if I had to guess, I’d say my parents learned why Adrinosk had let them keep me. I think he had designs for me… but that’s beside the point. Whatever happened, my parents weren’t ok with me staying in the Birthing Grounds anymore. So, they got me out. And Dury… Dury…”
When Hadrion buried his face in his hands, Kylorian reached for him, squeezing his knee.
“We found him in the woods, near Avernik,” he said. “At the time, he didn’t look good, like he’d been by himself for a while, so… we took him in: me, mom, Ren, and Tanwadur. Of course we did. He was such a tiny thing…”
And now, that family protected him like he was the most fragile of beings. That made sense.
What they didn’t see, though, was how much that was harming Hadrion.
“That’s why you want to come with us, isn’t it?” I gently said. “You may also want to help because that’s the sort of person you are. But mostly, you want to go back. You want to face your demons.”
Snatching his face out of his hands, Hadrion somehow pulled a grin onto a tear-streaked face, but I’d expect nothing less from him. This kid was the most resilient and compassionate person I’d met in my life. He amazed me.
So, I turned to Kylorian.
“I’m sorry, Ky, but we can’t stop him from doing that,” I said. “He needs to be with us when we attack. I know that wasn’t the plan but-”
Shooting a hand up, Kylorian said, “No, no. You’re right. I can clearly see that, but I still need to keep him as safe as possible. So, how will we do that?”
“Well, obviously, he shouldn’t go anywhere near the Enforcers,” I said, watching Kylorian all the while, “which means he can’t go with you.”
Kylorian scrunched his face up. He clearly wanted to argue that point, but after a moment, he nodded.
“So, he goes with your half of the team,” he said, as if it were a question.
“Yes,” I said, “and when he does, he’ll be with three incredibly capable people: a dual primeancer and two spies from his Hand. If we can’t keep your brother safe, no one else can.”
As he breathed out, Kylorian slumped.
“All right,” he said. “All right.”
There was a pause, but then, Hadrion snapped.
“You were planning on leaving me somewhere, weren’t you?”
At the same time, Ryvolim said, “I feel like I’ve missed something.”
And I laughed. I couldn’t help it.
Waving at the bristling people around me, I said, “I’m sorry! Truly. It’s just funny how often I get into situations like this. If I’m to be forced into fighting a bunch of angry Daevetch primeancers and their bloodthirsty horde, there’s no one I’d rather do it with than all of you.”
“If I had a pillow right now, I’d throw it at your head,” Oswin said with a scowl. “You and your propensity for changing perfectly good plans!”
Still laughing, I gasped, “I know. I know! I’m the worst.”
“Don’t you dare,” came from at least one of the people around me.
I couldn’t tell which, but then, I supposed that detail didn’t matter. Danger was coming for me, as usual, and as always, I’d go into it half-assed and barely prepared.
But they’d be with me. So, I’d be ok.
We’d be ok.
Chapter 25: The Moments Before
Ryvolim
And so, I found myself here once more.
Standing on the fringe of the forest that separated two Enforcers’ regions, I look out over a cracked and blasted land, grateful that Doldimar had kept such destruction to one portion of Auden this time. He’d certainly spread ruin like this over the whole of it in past cycles. I wasn’t sure what had withheld him from doing the same in present day.
I was glad this journey was almost over. Keeping to a bright and happy façade had been wearing on me, which hadn’t been helped by how little time I’d had to myself over the last week. I’d found enough of it to let my magic’s energy drain run its course, but besides that, there had been no time to drop my disguise, and unlike other instances where I’d done this, my pretense had been exhausting this time around.
If that weren’t enough, I’d been so busy and had such a lack of alone time that I’d been unable to speak with Creation since taking Da’kul. I needed to question them. They were keeping something from me, and I knew it. So, the fact that they’d been complacently hovering at the edge of my vision for the last week and I’d been unable to do anything about it hadn’t been pleasant.
All of which had made me irritable. I’d been fighting to keep the others from noticing my growing bad mood, but I wasn’t sure how successful I’d been with it, especially with the spies in our midst.
Rising from where the others had been discussing the plan into the ground once more, one of said spies, Little, headed toward me with a mischievous grin in place. Great. What sort of trouble was that kid about to throw me into?
As he came closer, I withheld from making a face at the stitches holding his face together. When he’d returned to Tiro, Little had gone to Chela for treatment, and while she was one of the better healers among our people, I could have done a better job than her. I hated that the necessity of my deception had ended with this young spy receiving less than the best treatment for his wounds.
As he joined me, Little said, “Relax. I won’t bite you. And drop the fake smile, would you? It’s clearly hurting you to wear it.”
I snorted at that.
“Noticed my tension, did you?”
Laughing, Little said, “I’d be surprised if any of us could relax, given what’s coming.”
He waved toward the cracked, dry land in front of us.
“But no. This tension’s been riding you for a while now, hasn’t it? Rhylix.”
Freezing, I turned to the spy in slow motion. Had Oswin shared my secret with his subordinates? I thought I’d impressed the importance of keeping it on him!
“What did you call me?” I said. “My name is-”
“Rhylix,” Little said. “Don’t try to deny it. I know it’s true, although you shouldn’t worry about the others seeing through your pretense. Your persona’s convincing! It almost fooled me, and I have a gift for reading people. But then, I was given some warning to look for you.”
“Really,” I said with my voice empty. “Who did that, might I ask?”
Because if someone unknown had figured out my deception, it could get… bad for me.
As if he hadn’t heard what I’d said, Little asked, “Back in Da’kul, how did you convince so many people that they saw your corpse? Did you doctor a body to look like yours? Or maybe you ingested an easily reversible poison. And why would you make people think you were dead? Was it to gain some sense of safety, or was there another reason?”
Gods, that had been a lot of questions, and far too many of them had struck close to the truth.
“None of that is your concern,” I said before repeating. “Who warned you about me?”
“Oh, you know. The one who did this.”
When Little waved at his face, I sucked in a gasp.
“Doldimar?” I somehow said.
Oh Alouin, what else had that bastard revealed to this spy?
“What did he say?” I snapped.
Shrugging, Little said, “Merely that you weren’t dead, despite what I’d heard. He gave me a message for you. It went, ‘Arivor has received your letter and says hello’. What’s that supposed to mean, do you think? And why does Doldimar know who you are?”
So, my message had reached my old friend. Sure, I’d happened across that straggling Conscripted soldier after I’d told Raimie about the Eternal War, months ago, but on hearing about how the citizens of Tiro had massacred the remnants of Teron’s army, I hadn’t been sure if the hapless kid had survived. I was glad to hear he had.
And horrible as it might be, I was glad to hear from my friend as well because if he’d received my letter, then Arivor knew an end might be in sight. Maybe that would give him a small amount of comfort.
“You going to answer my questions?” Little said.
As I looked him over, I understood why he seemed so agitated. I’d had what must seem like a secret correspondence with the enemy. He was probably questioning whether I was a traitor.
Sighing, I said, “Raimie knows everything there is to know about me, including any relationship I might hold with the Dark Lord. If he’s seen fit to keep details about that from you, then I don’t see why I should share my secrets. You seem trustworthy, Little, but the things in my past have a tendency to get good people killed. I don’t want that for you, if I can help it.”
Cocking his head, Little examined me for a moment before nodding.
“I can accept that reasoning,” he said. “You going to be ok if Raimie ever decides to spill your secrets to me?”
That was an easy question to answer.
“I trusted Raimie with the secret of my primeancy for months,” I said. “If he decides others can know a secret that’s even more deadly, then it will be for a good reason.”
And… there was that smirk again.
Clapping my shoulder, Little said, “Good to know, Rhy. And thanks for shaaaaring!”
As he sang those last words, he spun back toward the others, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know how I’d gotten myself surrounded by a bunch of snarky assholes, but it… wasn’t that bad of a spot to be in.
I hoped we could get through the coming battle with all of us intact.
For several more hours, we waited to hear the inevitable boom and crash of Marcuset’s bombardment, coming from the nearby Birthing Grounds. Each of us prepared for violence in the way that worked best for us. For me, that was to sit quietly, empty of thoughts, and wait.
When the ground eventually transmitted a rumble to the group, each of us was on our feet almost immediately, and we left the cover of the trees.
Little led us to a nearby trapdoor, hidden amongst the wild scrub and cracked earth. Its disguise was so effective that I might have missed it, if not for the spy’s directions.
I was the last one down the ladder, squeezing through the crack of its sinkhole with difficulty. Resisting the urge to light the space with Ele—Kylorian and Hadrion still thought I was an average human, after all—I instead descended the ladder in pitch-black, and at the base, I regrouped with the others. Raimie and Little advanced on the cave’s next opening, frantically waving the all-clear after a moment.
I’d been sure that we’d run into enemies while in the cave system. During a bombardment, these underground spaces would become the safest place to wait the siege out. Kiraak and Conscripted soldiers should be packing these halls, but even still, we soon emerged into sunlight without incident, which made me uneasy.
Was Adrinosk merely being flippant with his subordinates’ lives, or was this somehow a trap? I didn’t know how the Enforcer could have learned about our plan. We’d been extraordinarily careful with keeping its details secret, but still, I couldn’t help wondering about that.
Outside of the caves, the absolute noise of the bombardment made any conversation impossible, not that any of us would have risked doing that while so close to the enemy. The ground shook beneath our feet, which had me shooting a glance at the cliff’s edge. This close to the wall, our little group of saboteurs should be safe from all sorts of projectiles, especially since Raimie had ordered Marcuset to focus his bombardment on the center of the Birthing Grounds, but who knew how accurate those crude weapons of war could be? Hopefully, we wouldn’t get swiped off the face of the earth before we'd finished our side of the plan.
Little left us shortly after we reached the open air. Earlier this week, he’d shared his plan to resolve some unfinished business in the Birthing Grounds before meeting up with us once he was done, which had me worried. Why would we let a teenager, no matter how skilled and confident, wander alone through a horde of the enemy and during a battle no less? But Raimie had easily given Little leave to do as he liked. Even Oswin, who seemed to be overly protective of his youngest subordinate, had seemed unphased by this idea, so I’d had no ground to stand on with making a protest of my own. Hopefully, we’d see the spy once this was over.
Once we’d gotten into place, Raimie rested a hand on the wall, and shadows flickered away from that point of contact, racing up the cliff in a jagged zig-zag. At each place this line leveled off, portions of the cliff face cracked and lifted away from the rest, anchoring themselves into a ninety-degree angle.
Step by step, a stair rose from out of the wall.
I didn’t know when Raimie had learned how to do this with Daevetch, not that I kept track of his progress in that area. It frightened me how well he took to those types of magic application.
When the last step slotted into place, it didn’t take long before soldiers peered down at us from the top of an intimidating drop. One of them hesitantly put his weight on the first floating step, and when he didn’t plummet to his death, more soldiers followed his example. As Raimie’s army flowed into the pit, the bombardment above slowed down, which gradually reduced the ringing in my ears.
After a while, Raimie retracted his hand, ceasing Daevetch’s flow from him, and a knot in my gut loosened. I knew that dark energy didn't affect my friend as much as every other Daevetch primeancer I’d met, but the day would come when Raimie would wield those shadows and subsequently refuse to let go. I hated imagining what would happen to our friendship when that eventually happened.
Turning to me with a crooked smile, he wobbled in place, and I reached out to steady him. With the glaze in his eyes retreating in increments, he raggedly laughed.
“Sorry, Rhy. Holding that much power can be… intoxicating at times,” he said. “Letting it go usually leaves me dizzy.”
I could imagine.
“Are you all right to move on?” I asked. “We could take a break, if you need it.”
Glancing at how many soldiers had already descended to us, forming up in ranks nearby, I wasn’t sure how true that claim was.
“There’s no need. I can carry on, no problem,” Raimie said.
Pulling away from me, he slapped my back a few times.
“Good luck?”
My friend looked nowhere near recovered from his Daevetch use. Frazzled and distracted, Raimie probably couldn’t defend himself from even the mildest of attacks, but if we were to succeed with this plan, he needed to quickly reach the center of this place. I’d have to trust that he knew what he was doing. That effort was helped by the spy, hovering at his king’s back.
“You’ll watch him?” I asked Oswin.
“Like a hawk,” the spy said.
So, I let go of my concern.
“Good luck to you as well, my friend,” I said. “See you soon.”
After a smile and a wave, Raimie, Oswin, and Hadrion plunged into a break between the barracks, although buildings quickly concealed them, and chewing on his lip, Kylorian stared at the site of their departure for a moment. Gods, he must be worried about his brother. I wished I could reassure him that everything would be fine—if Raimie let anything happen to that kid, I’d be shocked—but it didn’t seem wise.
I led the way to the closest cave in the cliff face with Ren’s adoptive brother on my heels. Not only would an Enforcer like Adrinosk hole up in the safest place possible during an attack, but I could feel several sources of Daevetch coming from this direction.
I was surprised that all three of the Enforcers had gathered in one place. Of course, the one in charge would seek safety in times of chaos—Doldimar’s reign made it difficult for reckless Kiraak to rise into the rank of Enforcer—but the visitors…
Usually, they followed the higher calling that all Daevetch primeancers responded to. Their primary drive was Chaos, Corruption, Death, and more. Given that, I’d thought that Foln and Arabelna would be out here, drawn to the scene of carnage and—in their eyes—fun unfolding around us, but what I was feeling through my Ele source insisted that this assumption was wrong, for once.
Even with that bit of magic to help me pinpoint the Enforcers’ location, they still took me by surprise. As I skulked around a corner into a new section of the caves, a Daevetch bolt flew for my head, and shoving Kylorian out of the way, I rolled into a crouch with my sword and dagger already drawn.
“You all right?” I asked.
“Yes, thanks.”
Good. We should focus on our enemy.
Chapter 26: The Battle of the Birthing Grounds, Part One
Ryvolim
Near where the Daevetch bolt had cracked a cave wall, Kylorian had already straightened from his stumble with his weapon raised.
“Where did that come from?” he said.
“From one of them, I suspect,” I said, pointing.
Three men and two women had occupied the cavern we were standing in front of. I wasn’t sure which of them had thrown the bolt, not with all five of them lounging as if without a care. Two were playing dice in one of the cavern’s corner while another of them watched, one was flipping through a book at a lone table, and the last of them was casually tossing a knife over his face from where he was lying on a cot. Two of the men had nothing but squirming vines beneath their skin while the other three showed no signs of Corruption, only the black eyes that marked every Enforcer.
Our enemy, found.
At the table, one of the women casually flipped a page in her book.
“One of you take care of them already,” she sighed.
As if on strings, the two men who’d been playing dice shot to their feet, unsheathing their weapons, but none of the other people in the room moved. Did they think two Overseers would be enough to stop us?
“What do you think, Kylorian?” I said. “Can you distract those two?”
“I was expecting to fight regular Kiraak, but… I can handle a pair of Overseers for a little while,” Kylorian said. “Not sure if I can kill them, but I can certainly distract.”
“I’ll kill the Enforcers quickly, then,” I said.
“Are you quite finished?” one of the Overseers drawled. “I’m so hungry to see your blood. I can’t stand it!”
Recoiling, Kylorian said, “That’s… disgusting.”
But then, he attacked. I followed him into battle, but as I approached the pair of Overseers, I also flicked Ele at the man on the cot, Adrinosk most likely. He flinched away from the bolt before tumbling to the ground.
“Malkenthas, that one’s mine,” he growled.
Which had the Overseer who’d been swinging for my head stop halfway through that arc, forcing him into a stumble. Taking advantage of the opening, I slashed at his thigh. It was the best I could do, given how three primeancers had already begun rushing me, but hopefully, it would slow the Overseer down enough to give Kylorian a chance.
Any worries I might have had for my companion were wiped away in the onslaught of the Enforcers’ fury. As I should have expected, they didn’t coordinate their attacks with one another, bearing down on me with all of their strength instead.
When I used Ele to duck their strikes and therefore watch them make frantic readjustments, amusement tugged on my mouth. They obviously weren’t used to encountering a challenge, which was perfect. This should actually be fun, for once.
For a while, we simply played with each other, or that was how it seemed to me. I was trying to kill them, of course. Raimie’s plan required these Enforcers dead as quickly as possible for it to work, but it took me a while to find an opening in which to strike, and during that time, I let myself enjoy the fight.
At some point, Kylorian finally turned his back on me, and I swept an obvious wave of white light at my opponents, one that bowled them over. Before they could regain their feet, I rushed forward to behead one of the women.
As I was finishing with that, a flash of movement caught my eye, and I twisted, but not before cold steel pierced through my shoulder, which was a problem. The sword I’d been holding clattered to the ground, and snarling, the man who’d stabbed me brought his blade around in what should have been a killing blow. Backpedaling, I barely avoided that scythe of death. I used my dagger to block his next few, bone-shuddering strikes, each of which numbed my hand, and all the while, my injured arm dangled at my side, useless.
While caught in this blur of desperate movement, I noted the last living woman sprinting out of the cave before the fight for survival dragged my focus back to it. I’d have to go after her soon but first…
Considering how heavily his sword was raining down on me—like a hammer on a nail—Adrinosk must be getting frustrated, and my good arm had started tingling with pins and needles. Still, I clung to my dagger, aware of how quickly I’d die without it.
I wasn’t sure why this was happening, but what had kept me in perfect health for millennia was taking its sweet time with healing my injured shoulder today. Almost, I shouted at Creation to tell Restoration that it should hurry the hell up. I couldn’t take another death, not so soon after the last one and certainly not now. I’d opened my mouth to beg the splinter for help when light flashed around me.
Thank the gods.
Catching Adrinosk’s next blow on my dagger’s cross guard, I punched him in the face, reveling at his surprised jerk backward. Stumbling, he clutched at his nose with shock freezing him solid, but that was fine. It gave me time to retrieve my sword.
When he got ahold of himself, Adrinosk pressed his attack, barely giving me time to defend myself, but now that I was back at full health, his skill wouldn’t be enough to save him. When he overstepped with a blow aimed at my stomach, I deflected it and buried my dagger in his eyes, one after the other. He dropped his weapon to claw at his face, screaming, and I quickly circled him to end his suffering.
No time to celebrate. I joined Kylorian in his fight.
To my happy surprise, the kid had performed adequately in the time it had taken to finish the Enforcers. With his tendons sliced clean through, the Overseer I’d started with was down for the count, unable to reach his feet anytime soon, but the second one was still in the fight, allowing Kylorian not a single opening. Watching this, I knew that even with the kid’s impressive display of skill, the fight would soon be over if I weren’t here to help.
I blocked a strike coming for Kylorian’s head, yanking him behind me, and with his eyes widening, the second Overseer glanced around the cavern, taking in his fallen companions with tightening shoulders.
“What the hell?” Kylorian shouted. “I had that!”
Sure you did, kid.
“I need you to track down the Enforcer who fled,” I said instead. “Maybe you could defeat this man, but I can finish the fight more quickly. So, go. I’ll catch up.”
“But!”
“Do it, Kylorian!”
The kid might mutter something crude under his breath, but he did as he’d been told. As he left, the Overseer tried to throw a knife after him, but I blocked that potential blow.
“Your fight’s with me,” I said.
Circling me, the Overseer said, “But why should I fight you? You’ve already defeated the others, and each of them was stronger than me. If we fight, I’m going to lose, without a doubt.”
That was a good point, but what other resolution could come from this ? Corruption had infected the Overseer, and much as it pained me, that meant he had to die. Ele and consequently, I couldn’t allow a Kiraak to survive, and Kiraak couldn’t return to what they’d once been, or… I’d thought they couldn’t, until recently.
Slowly, I said, “You could… not fight, but I’d find it strange if you did that. I’ve never known one of your kind to surrender.”
Growling, the Overseer bared his teeth.
“That’s only because surrender means death!” he snarled. “I’ve done unspeakable things to the Audish population. What could I expect besides death if I gave myself over into their hands?”
He wasn’t wrong. The Audish people could be incredibly vengeful at times, but that wasn’t always the case and- and-
I knew this Overseer hadn't had much of a choice about whatever evil things he'd done. I’d like to see how someone once under the control of a primal force handled a life spent free of it.
So, I said, “I have a friend, another primeancer. He can take Corruption away from you, making you human again. If they knew that Daevetch no longer controls you, those you’ve hurt in the past might be more inclined to forgive you. Maybe you could work toward reconciliation with them instead.”
Pulling back, the Overseer stared at me with his muscles seemingly locked in place.
After a moment, he said, “If this is so, I’d like to be the first Kiraak you’ve known to surrender. To stop me from attacking you, though, you’ll need to knock me out. You haven’t killed Foln, my Enforcer, and her command to eliminate the Dark Lord’s enemies is still firmly embedded within me.”
“I figured as much,” I said.
But I only took one step forward to do that before pausing.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “Raimie tells me that the process of clearing Daevetch from the body can be rather unpleasant.”
With a harsh laugh, the Overseer said, “It can’t be any worse than what Doldimar did to make me a Kiraak.”
I shrugged.
“Very well.”
With that, I shot Ele into the Overseer’s eyes before inducing sleep, and from the way he collapsed, it was a miracle that he didn’t land on his sword. After checking that he hadn’t been hurt, I turned to the last person left alive in the room.
“What about you?” I asked.
“I don’t… know,” the crumpled Overseer panted. “I want to be free but…”
He gestured at his legs, which might never be repaired, and I understood. Was living with such a restriction worth it when your past would always be there to haunt you?
“If you’re not sure, then I’ll make the choice for you,” I said.
When the man nodded, I sent him into as deep of a sleep as his comrade. I was the champion of Ele, yes? So, no matter how much Creation might growl behind me, muttering things about ‘eliminating the enemy’, I’d still preserve the life that I’d found here.
After doubly reinforcing the Ele holding my prisoners in slumber, I raced after Kylorian. This place only had one Enforcer left, and once she was dead, it would be ours.
Chapter 27: The Battle of the Birthing Grounds, Part Two
Raimie
Focusing in this place was impossible. With every step I took, I struggled to break free of Daevetch’s enticing touch, and each time, I barely kept myself from falling into a hole I’d never escape from. That dark energy had been so heavily utilized here that its remnants whispered temptation to me, promising power and an easy victory, both in this place and elsewhere. It would be so easy to draw from Daevetch, destroy the Kiraak and Conscripted, and never let that power go.
Maybe I should take just a little, enough to quiet this damn screaming need for it…
At my side, Hadrion asked, “Are we lost?”
With a jerk, I pulled myself out of my head, glancing around. How the hell had I forgotten about the teenager and my goal in the Birthing Grounds for so long? Damn. We could have circled this entire pit by now, and I wouldn’t know it.
“Hang on,” I said.
Squinting at the sun’s position in the sky and the trebuchets peeking over the cliffs’ summit, I quietly cursed. Hadrion was right. I couldn’t figure out where we were based on my present landmarks, something that hadn’t happened to me in forever.
And it was mostly due the effect Daevetch was having on me right now.
Dim, can I dull what I’m feeling? I asked. It’s distracting. Could get me killed.
With a hesitant frown, Dim said, “I honestly don’t know. Most of my humans have enjoyed places like this. I’ve never had one who’s wanted to block out the feelings they find here.”
Gods, they looked positively vibrant with their nondescript visage practically glowing. Bright, on the other hand, had wilted with a sickly aura hanging over them. It was somewhat reminiscent of the time after they’d been destroyed, and seeing it, I had to stop myself from asking how they were. They’d always gotten snippy with me when I’d done that in the past.
Almost croaking, they said, “Have you tried accessing my whole?”
And I wanted to smack myself for my stupidity.
“Duh,” I said under my breath.
But then, I drew light into my body, making my skin glow the slightest bit, and Daevetch’s lure faded, although not by much. Even if it was only a minute reduction, though, it was better than nothing.
Behind me, Oswin said, “Sir, is something the matter? You’re acting… strangely, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed it yet, but the Kiraak have started leaving their barracks.”
Of course they had. Without the threat of plummeting boulders hanging over their heads, those assigned to defend the Birthing Grounds should be hurrying to do their jobs.
Swearing up a storm, I dragged Hadrion into a patch of concealing shadows, where Oswin had already retreated.
“Are we lost?” the spy whispered to me.
I nodded, watching the Kiraak sprint past our hiding spot with pinched eyes.
“I’m having trouble focusing,” I said. “Daevetch is spread so godsdamn thickly here. It keeps demanding my attention.”
“Hm. Is that going to be a problem?” Oswin asked.
I gave him my best incredulous look.
“It already has, hasn’t it?” I said. “I think I can control it now, but… you should probably take the lead. For now.”
Rearing back, Oswin hissed, “What makes you think I know where to go?”
With my eyes narrowed, I glared at him.
“You’re the spymaster of my Hand, for Alouin’s sake!” I growled. “Isn’t doing impossible stuff, like finding whatever random place I need to be, part of your-?”
“Huh. Is that Little?”
Seemingly unaware of my conversation with Oswin, Hadrion pointed at a clump of Conscripted soldiers, who were pushing their way against the Kiraak’s flow, and yes, the short man prodding them along did look familiar.
“Oswin, can you-?” I’d started.
But the spy was already moving to intercept. Hooking his elbow around Little’s neck, he ruffled his youngest subordinate’s hair, and after a few unheard words, the two led their group of Conscripted soldiers to where Hadrion and I were hiding.
There wasn’t enough space here for everyone Little had corralled toward us, forcing most of them to form an awkward barrier at the mouth of an improvised alley, so I supposed I should thank Alouin for the Kiraak’s all-consuming obsession with violence. Otherwise, they might break free of their rush to battle, all to investigate this anomaly in their midst.
Glancing over a mass of unfamiliar faces, I said, “Who are these people, Little?”
I doubted the spy would have brought a bunch of enemies straight to me, but still, I couldn’t help my wariness of them.
“They’re defectors from Doldimar’s army, sir,” Little said, “and they’d like to prove their new loyalty by providing you with an escort to the center of the Birthing Grounds.”
Before I could decide whether I should trust people who could change their allegiance so quickly, one of said people pushed his way through the others.
“This is your king, Private?” he said.
With a crooked smile, Little said, “Captain! I present to you Raimie, rightful claimant to the Audish throne by birth and foretelling.”
For a moment, the captain only glanced between me and the spy, chewing on his lip.
Then, he hesitantly asked, “Are you aware that he’s glowing?”
That made Little scoff, although I wasn’t sure why he was doing that. Maybe he was hoping to stave off questions about my primeancy, but… I wouldn’t have that. Not anymore. I wasn’t ashamed of my magic, and I wouldn’t let other people make me feel that way. Damn them if they tried. I’d handle any threat to my life that came with this, if it meant I could stay openly true to a part of who I was.
“The glowing would be because of the Ele energy I’m holding,” I said. “Will that be a problem for you… captain, is it? Do you have a name to go with your rank?”
With a chuckle, the captain raised an eyebrow.
“Nah, no names here,” he said, “and I honestly don’t know if we have a problem yet. Right now, I’d say no… but that could change. I hardly know you and what you mean to do with… that.”
He waved at my glowing skin, but I didn’t blame him for his hesitancy. The captain seemed like a man who hedged his bets, and I could respect that.
“Fair enough,” I said. “As long as you’re aware that I don’t trust you either, we should get along famously.”
Throwing his hands over his head, Oswin growled, “Fantastic! We’re all nice and aware of our general unease of one another. Can we move toward our objective now, or is the plan to stand around, posturing, until the Kiraak kill us?”
Little lifted a hand to his lips.
“Goodness, spymaster. For someone who’s lost his way, you sure are eager to insult the people who’ve come to save you.”
Closing his eyes, Oswin hissed out a breath before fixing his eyes on Little.
“There were mitigating circumstances for us,” he said, “which I don’t have to explain to you, Little.”
Shrugging, Little said, “Whatever you say, spymaster. Just come with me.”
Fucking whistling a godsdamn tune, the younger spy practically waltzed out of the shadows, and as he moved, the Conscripted defectors surrounded the three out-of-place men in their midst, which I was grateful for. Any amount of cover was good right now.
Several paces ahead, the captain sidled up next to Little.
“You never said your king was a primeancer, Private,” he said under his breath.
“Eh. It didn’t seem relevant when we talked. I was more worried about returning to Tiro,” Little said before glancing at the other man. “Why? Does it matter?”
“Well… the only primeancers I’ve known have been crazy bastards,” the captain grumbled. “Granted, I’ve never met someone who uses Ele but…”
Chuckling, Little said, “Trust me. Raimie’s nothing like the asshole Enforcers you’ve been around, and he doesn’t command Ele alone. He can use both Ele and Daevetch.”
Hearing that, the captain tripped over himself, nearly face planting.
“Both?” he hissed.
And I couldn’t hold myself back anymore.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Yes. By the way, I can hear you two. Just so you know.”
Glancing at me, the captain clicked his teeth together while Little shoved his hands in his pockets, returning to the whistle he’d taken up earlier. Gods, much as I might like it, that kid’s flippancy and carefree attitude were going to get him killed some day.
When a fence up ahead broke the monotony of slapped-together barracks on either side, I started paying attention to my surroundings again. Beyond this barrier, an average looking house occupied the yard within, and despite Little’s much-advanced warning about this, its normalcy took me by surprise. I’d expected that a place dedicated to transforming humans into Kiraak would look more imposing or sinister.
As Little had also said, lumps were littered across the yard, piles of flesh and clothing. After making quick work of the gate’s lock—I’d been practicing with my lockpicking since Da’kul—I flung it wide, which had those lumps fighting to reach their feet, and soon enough, a handful of people jostled their way past me in their bid for freedom.
“Wait! Please,” I shouted after them. “We're here to help you, but you should stay put for a little while longer, just until the battle’s over.”
Most of those left in the yard settled back into the grass, but several people had already been lost in a panicked need to escape. Oswin stopped me from pursuing them.
“You warned them.,” he said. “Let them make the choice about whether to heed your warning or not.”
Slumping, I nodded before turning to the Conscripted defectors.
“Little, you and your friends can stay here,” I said. “Watch for Kiraak, although I doubt they’ll be a problem for much longer. Once Ryvolim has eliminated the Enforcers, they should go docile, and after that's happened, I want you to join the rest of our army in herding them into their barracks. I’ll get to them as quickly as I can.”
Tossing a loose salute my way, Little said, “Sure thing, sir.”
He spun in place, barking orders at his group of deserters, and I chuckled at the sight of those weathered people flinching away from that kid’s affected gruffness.
“Can you keep watch on them, Oswin?” I asked under my breath. “I don’t trust these ‘deserters’. Not yet.”
“I think that would be wise indeed, sir,” Oswin said.
Smirking, I said, “What? No quips about forcing the bodyguard to leave his charge’s side this time?”
Oswin looked completely serious as he said.
“If I can’t keep a threat out of that house, then I either don’t deserve to be your bodyguard or the threat is more than I alone can handle.”
“It was a…”
Sighing, I rubbed my eyes.
“All right, fine. Hadrion? Let’s see what this house of horrors holds for us.”
Forging through a loose crowd of emaciated people, I kept my chin tucked to my chest. I couldn’t see their pain, not when I couldn’t help them. I’d be able to soon! But not yet.
There was a span of empty space between the last of these people and the house, one that Hadrion and I quickly passed through, and uneasily reaching for the front door, I led the teenager inside. As soon as we’d crossed the threshold, though, I stiffened, and distantly, I heard Hadrion gagging behind me, just as faintly as I noticed Bright going perfectly white in the face while even Dim paused.
Someone had made changes since Little’s first visit to this place. A reportedly peaceful foyer was gone, replacing its furniture and decorations with stacked bodies.
They were piled along the wall with some stacks reaching up to my height and others, several rows deep. Each of these people bore a mortal wound. Some of them were so horrific that I couldn’t bear to look at them, but still, I heard them all breathing, a sound that loudly echoed in this tiny room.
In the center of it, a man was waiting in a chair, hugging his guts in his lap.
“You are Raimie?” he gasped.
In a fog, I said, “I… am.”
Struggling for air, the man unsteadily nodded.
“We have a message for you from our Dark Lord,” he said when he could. “Will you hear it?”
Oh, gods. Oh gods, oh gods, oh-
“Do I have a choice in the matter?” I asked.
The man in the chair chuckled, setting his insides quivering.
“You’re perceptive. I’ll give you that.”
And he took a breath, alongside every other person in the room.
“Raimie from the ancient line of Audish kings,” a host of voices intoned, clearly echoing a memorized speech, “welcome to Auden. Please, accept this gift. I hope you’ll enjoy the task I’ve entrusted to you.
“These are the people that you failed to dispatch during your battle against that incompetent fool, Teron. I thought you might like to finish what you started.
“Consider this the first of many such gifts. Maybe in time, you’ll understand what I’ve done for you here. I hope that eventually, you’ll learn how useless Ele is, abandoning both it and E in favor of joining my side of the War.
“With some measure of respect, I, Doldimar, the Dark Lord of Auden, greet you.”
They fell silent, and I couldn’t think through the cotton clogging my head. Doldimar had left these Kiraak, these people, in misery, simply to deliver a message? Why the hell would he think I’d appreciate that?
And damn. Doldimar knew about my abilities, my name, and… AND he thought there was a chance in hell that I’d join him. Alouin. I’d laugh if I weren’t so… numb.
“What does he expect you to do here?” Hadrion whispered into the quiet.
I couldn’t stop my throat from working because I didn’t want to answer him. I didn’t want to undertake the task that Doldimar had forced me into, but if I didn’t do it… if I didn’t…
Hefting Silverblade, I hoarsely told the kid, “I’m to deliver Mercy.”
Starting with the man in the chair, I moved around the room’s boundaries. At first, Hadrion merely watched me work with turmoil written across his features, but he helped me with the task soon enough.
Many of the Kiraak here thanked us before we separated their heads from their shoulders. Tears of relief streaked across some of their dirty faces, and by the time we were finished, blood had been caked onto our skin. My uniform, the one Oswin had given me what seemed like forever ago, was ruined, and I itched to tear it off of my body. Unfortunately, decorum wouldn’t allow that, so the soaked fabric remained pasted to my flesh, making my every body part crawl.
“I didn’t think the first Kiraak I killed would be helpless and begging for death.”
As Hadrion’s whisper filled the room, it sounded deafening, now that no labored breathing could compete with it, and cringing, I closed my eyes.
“This is war,” I said. “It’s not glorious. It’s people, thrown into battles. Often times, it’s for a cause they’ll never understand, but still, they’re forced to fight for survival. It’s despicable acts like this, designed to test your enemy’s resolve and instill doubt in them. Are you sure you’re ready to participate in it?”
I could hear Hadrion’s swallow, even from halfway across the room.
With his voice trembling, he said, “I already have, haven’t I?”
“Fair enough.”
When I took a breath, hoping to clear my head, I only smelled blood and death, and it almost had my roiling guts leaking acid from between the fingers I’d pressed to my mouth, but I couldn’t let that happen around Hadrion. Turning to him, I clasped his shoulders, ducking so I could meet his eyes.
“If it helps, death was the kindest gift we could have given these people,” I said. “If I’d made them human again, not only would they have endured terrible pain during the process, but they’d have died anyway, once it was done.”
When Hadrion recoiled, hugging himself, I bit my lip. What had I done to this kid? Having listened to his story about his past, I’d known what the Birthing Grounds meant to him, and still, I’d dragged him into this place once more. I’d thought I’d be helping the kid face his past, something he clearly wanted to do, but this? This was one more nightmare that would plague him.
I’d made a terrible mistake with this. Hadrion was too young to have appreciated the weight of what he’d been asking for…
The teenager straightened with something like resolve in his eyes.
“I know you’re right,” he said. “That doesn’t mean I should stop wishing for a better solution to problems like this.”
Or maybe Hadrion was more grown-up than I gave him credit for. Sheathing Silverblade, I winced at the thought of how much blood I’d need to scour from it later today.
“Do you need a minute?” I asked. “If you want, we could go upstairs for a bit. Little said that part of the house was relatively peaceful.”
Shaking his head, Hadrion sat cross-legged in the middle of the corpses.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to pay my respects to these lost people,” he said. “You go on, though. You’re needed, so… I’ll catch up.”
This made me hesitate—I was supposed to watch the kid, after all—but leaving him here wouldn’t put him in danger. A wealth of allies had surrounded this house, and if anything could get through them, then we were all probably dead.
So, I gave the teenager his space.
Chapter 28: Saving the Lost
Raimie
Thank Alouin for no further surprises. In the house at the middle of the Birthing Grounds, the ground floor’s second room looked exactly like Little had described it last week. Doldimar had left his victims dangling from the ceiling: several dozen captives, hanging in neat rows.
These people, I could save. Open cuts and slashes might decorate their skin, but each wound was superficial, something they could heal from, and I didn’t see any signs of deadly infection on them.
As I moved into the room, I brushed against the closest prisoner, swinging him, and that fixed his pained eyes on me.
“Please…” he rasped. “Let me down.”
How long had these people been left hanging like this? Glancing up, I tensed on seeing so many blue fingers brushing against the ceiling. Their captivity must have been lengthy for necrosis to have set in so deeply. If they had any hope of retaining their hands, I’d need to release them quickly.
So, I hugged the waist of the first prisoner I’d encountered, lifting his rope-bound wrists up and over a hook, but as I was lowering the man to the floor, he shifted his weight, and I lost my balance. Tumbling, we both landed hard.
Desperately, I sought the air that had been knocked out of my lungs, but my search got impeded by the forearm that bore down on my neck. Peeking over it, the freed prisoner feverishly grinned at me. Combined with the shock of my fall, the feeble pressure he was applying might have been enough to keep me pinned, if not for my primeancy.
I blasted the man with Ele, watching more prisoners swing in the wake of his flight. As I should have expected, desperate pleading and screams started ringing out, which soon had Hadrion stumbling into the room.
“Raimie!” he said.
“Keep back!”
As I’d shouted, the freed prisoner had tried to stand, but another Ele burst helped to flip him onto his back.
“Stay down,” I growled.
But the prisoner refused to listen, unsteadily climbing to his feet again. Thankfully, arms wrapped him in an embrace before he could collect himself, and although he tried to break free, the hold on him was tight.
“Quickly, Raimie!” Hadrion shouted. “I can’t hold him like this for long.”
Damnit.
What do I do, Dim? I snapped. I know I should draw Corruption out of him. That seems intuitive, but I need specifics.
Sputtering, Dim said, “I don’t… specifics? Are you kidding me? All of mine just force Daevetch into and out of the body. There’s never any finesse to go with it!”
Well, that won’t help right now, will it? I said. If I get this wrong, I’ll kill him.
“What?! I don’t even-!”
“Just think about it for a minute, dimwit.”
Even as my splinters dove into their typical argument, an urgency from within demanded my attention, and Bright’s suggestion faded to the background.
Nyl? Is that you? I said. What’s happened? Why can’t you speak to me? Did… did that thing back in Sanc hurt you-?
A distant sense of exasperation rose to stop my rapidly tumbling thoughts.
Right. Focus on the current-day problem, I said. Can you help with it? What do I-? Could you… I don’t know… take control? Like you did with Teron-?
The world shifted, making me lose control of my body’s strings.
Are you paying attention? Nylion snapped at me.
He didn’t wait for an answer, simply calling for the Daevetch within the prisoner opposite us. That man screeched long and loud, or he did so until he lost consciousness, but even still, black tendrils streamed from his limp body to our hand until those threads sputtered and died. Upon their cessation, Hadrion dropped the prisoner.
“Did that work?” he breathlessly asked.
“What do you think?” Nylion growled.
Hadrion didn’t seem to notice the sudden change in ‘my’ mood, only staring at the perfectly smooth skin of a man, newly freed from Corruption.
“Wow!” he breathed. “You can do it. I mean… I knew you could but… you can do it.”
Huffing, Nylion turned away from the teenager.
We cannot release them before they are cleansed, he said. If each of them fights us, cleansing them will take far too long, and I… WE need sleep soon.
Is that… why you sound so… angry? I hesitantly asked.
I’d never known my other half to be mad at me, and the idea of it… it shuddered something horrible loose from deep inside.
Pinching our eyebrows together, Nylion said, Regret? Why are you feeling…? You should not feel guilty, heart of my heart. Is it because of my mood? You should not worry about that. I have merely been keeping a more vigilant watch over you since Sanc. So, I may be a little… exhausted.
Oh. Oh, that made perfect sense. Thank the gods.
Damn, why was my relief about this so strong?
After a pause, Nylion said, Can you handle this cleansing job on your own? I do not know if-
Of course I can, I said. Of course. Although… please, keep an eye on me still? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to do this right.
Frowning, Nylion said, I do not understand what you are trying to say. You are giving me self-confidence and then uncertainty? What does that mean? Should I give you control or not?
Yes, I-
I stumbled from the force of Nylion’s departure. He must be truly tired if he was letting go that fast, and… I thought he might be angry about something without telling me what it was as well. He’d been acting a little more irritable in the last month or so, and I wasn’t sure why.
Maybe I should ask him about it face-to-face. I hadn’t been able to visit him for quite a while, needing uninterrupted sleep in the brief times I’d been able to get it. When I went to sleep tonight, I’d be sure to visit our shared space, but first, I had several real-world problems to tackle.
When I moved to the next person in line, Hadrion followed me with wide eyes.
“Do you mean to heal all of these people?” he asked.
Cocking my head, I said, “It’s not healing, Hadrion. I’m not taking on these people’s wounds. I’m merely removing the Daevetch in them. Now, hush. I need to work.”
Before I could get started, Dim popped in front of me.
“Hang on,” they said. “What’s going on with you? Bright disappeared for a second. Are you…?”
Bright had disappeared? That was concerning, but when I looked for them, there they were, watching me with a pained look on their face and their arms hugging their chest.
Gods, I still got freakishly terrified whenever Bright was anything less than ok around me. Back when I’d reconstructed them, what I’d done had seemed so intuitive, like the easiest—and yet, most painful—thing in the world. Now that I knew how impossible what I’d done actually was, something Rhylix and both of my splinters had been uneasy around me with, I wasn’t sure if I could replicate the process. The mental block of ‘first person to have done it’ would probably stop me from saving the splinter if I ever needed to again, and this made me anxious beyond measure.
It didn’t help that all parties who knew about that process had been on-and-off interrogating me about the few minutes that I’d needed to break their world view. Of them, Bright seemed to have finally accepted what had happened, if only in recent days, but Rhylix and Dim were still having trouble with wrapping their minds around it. It was another source of pressure added to everything else, and I couldn’t handle it, now when I was supposed to be finishing up my side of a battle.
Not now, I told Dim, hoping they’d drop the subject.
Fortunately, they did, and swallowing any apprehension I might have about making a mistake, I felt for the Corruption entwined around my first subject’s wet tissue. First, I carefully unlatched each of Daevetch’s holds on her before sucking that energy to me. A familiar feeling of invincibility clamored to take over as shadows rushed over me, but as always, I held the feeling at arm’s length. I couldn’t let it come any closer because if it did, I didn’t know what would happen. I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation that Daevetch always brought.
After what felt like seconds to me, the last of the Corruption in my subject’s body came to me, and I opened my eyes. Sprawled out on the floor nearby, Hadrion covered a yawn, grinning at my startled look.
“Is she human?” he asked.
Glancing over my subject, I nodded.
“Yes, I’ve removed the Corruption in her,” I said.
“You did it without her screaming too! Good job,” Hadrion said. “Took a while, though.”
Oh, no.
“How long?” I asked.
Humming, Hadrion tapped a finger on his lip before holding it in front of him.
“Maybe five times as long as the first time?”
Groaning, I rubbed my forehead. I wasn’t going nearly fast enough. When forming this plan, I hadn’t thought there would be a time crunch on me. If Ryvolim failed in his half of our saboteur mission, then my half was doomed to fail anyway. In the long run, it wouldn’t matter how long I took to give these Kiraak their humanity back.
But if Nylion was suffering right now, exhausted as he’d claimed, then I needed to finish this as quickly as possible. If there was one thing I’d noticed in our time since reuniting, it was that our wellbeing affected one another. When he was tired, I got cranky. When I was worried, he got over-protective and aggressive. When he was happy, so was I.
That didn’t mean our emotions necessarily matched, just that one of our moods might splash onto the other in this duo.
And I didn’t want to crash and burn in the middle of enemy territory. I also didn’t want to indulge in sleep until I’d at least helped the people in this room. They were the ones most at risk for long-term complications from Doldimar’s ministrations. I had to see them safe.
But I also couldn’t spend as much time here as I’d need, if we healed them my-
“I cannot keep doing these things for you,” Nylion snarled.
Spinning to the next prisoner, he yanked Corruption out of them, finished with the process over the course of a dozen breaths, and I was left stunned, floating behind our eyes.
Nylion had never taken control like this before. He almost always waited until he had some measure of consent from me before sliding into that front-most position. So, this abrupt takeover? It had addled me, more than I would have thought it could.
“Are you ok, Rai-?” Hadrion started.
“Fine!” Nylion snapped before wincing.
He rubbed his eyes for a moment, slowly leaking tension from our body.
“I am sorry,” he said. “I did not mean to snap at you. I am simply… tired. And sick of always having to do tasks I would never have taken on if I had been asked.”
Softly smiling, Hadrion came closer, but he restrained himself from touching our body.
“That’s all right. You’re under a lot of pressure right now. I’m glad you apologized once you noticed what you’d done,” he said. “It must be hard, dealing with all of this.”
He vaguely waved around the room.
“Can I help you with it?” he said “Obviously not with the primeancy part, but maybe there’s something else I can do?”
Blankly blinking at this kid, Nylion was quiet for far too long, and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking.
“That… would be nice. Thank you,” he said. “If you could lower each of these people’s bodies from their hooks once I have finished with them, I would appreciate it.”
Grinning, Hadrion said “Sure thing, boss!”
He skipped to the woman that Nylion had finished cleansing, straining to take her weight, and all the while, Nylion stared.
I have not met someone like him in a while, he whispered. He is… good.
Yes. Yes, he is, I said.
But I said nothing more, waiting for Nylion to rally. Soon enough, he did so, and I made not a single comment more as he began his work, something he apparently hadn’t wanted to do.
…I wished he’d told me about that before accepting the task from me.
I watched Nylion go down the line of Kiraak, getting more and more concerned with each one he cleansed. As Daevetch’s power arced over our body with every instance of this, I might recoil from it, but Nylion embraced the feeling. After he was finished with his third prisoner, he started singing along to an unheard, discordant song, and three or four people later, he shoved the next one into a swing, chuckling when they released a pained yelp.
What in the-?
“Nylion. You need to release the portion of the whole that you’ve accumulated. Don’t let madness take you this soon.”
As Nylion laughed, I somehow gained enough control to focus our eyes on… Dim. Considering he was wielding Daevetch, I’d known my other half would have a splinter, but why did he have mine? Yes, we were two halves of a whole, a singular entity split in twain, but our personalities couldn’t be more different. We should have attracted different splinters.
“Oh, you have figured it out, have you? I thought it might take you longer,” Nylion sang to Dim. “Also. You should let me do as I please for once, Chaos. You have added inordinate trouble to an already chaotic life. Why can you not simply help me when I need it instead of scolding me?”
Ripping more Daevetch from his next victim, Nylion shot a tiny bolt of it at Dim. The splinter didn’t move, leaving a disapproving look fixed on their face, which I found weird. Dim had been nothing but … well, chaotic with me. What was with the suddenly serious routine?
“You’re being foolish,” they said. “Raimie needs-”
Jerking his hands down into fists, Nylion shouted, “Do not tell me what the heart of my heart does or does not need, you constant nuisance. If you mean to be so intrusive, then I shall be so as well.”
He jerked our face toward the splinter.
“You shall SHUT UP and WATCH!”
As Dim’s mouth snapped closed, they clawed at their throat, which had me wincing. I knew how much the Daevetch splinter despised getting commands from me, hence why I didn’t use them. Much as I didn’t like seeing Nylion do this now, I was also grateful for it. The sooner this was done, the sooner I could sleep. The sooner I could figure out what the hell was wrong with my other half.
Nylion moved on to the next line of prisoners, drawing more Corruption from them, and as an ecstasy of power pounded through our body, I choked on it. My other half, however, thrived. He skipped from body to body, less intent on the task of returning humanity to these near-Kiraak than on the Corruption held within them.
Somehow, I heard a door opening behind us, despite all the worries and turmoil trying to drown me. I shoved aside Daevetch’s constantly roiling temptation, focusing on learning who’d come inside, but Nylion didn’t move to investigate, too intent on his current project. When steel clashed on steel, however, I turned cold.
NYL! CHECK ON HADRION! I shouted.
Gods, what had gone wrong?
Chapter 29: My Fault
Raimie
My other half spun toward the noise, stumbling to a stop as soon as he had.
At the front of the room,, a black-eyed Enforcer was casually defending herself from Hadrion’s attacks with an amused smile distorting her features, after a breath, Nylion sprinted for them, releasing a portion of the power he’d accumulated at her head. Deflecting the bolt with a shadow-coated hand, the Enforcer dragged an off-center Hadrion against her chest, lightly pressing her blade against his throat, and Nylion halted, spinning his arms to keep from careening to the ground.
“Oh, good,” the Enforcer said. “I wasn’t sure if you cared about this one, considering how much Corruption you were consuming.”
Nylion, let me out, I said. I’m better at-
“Let him go,” Nylion snapped.
What was he doing? This was neither the time nor the place for him to practice with his social skills and-
“Why would I do that? If I did, you’d only kill me,” the Enforcer asked. “No. Let’s play hostage exchange instead. If I were to release this weakling, I’d need someone more important than him as a replacement, perhaps someone my master’s been wanting to add to his collection. If said person wouldn’t need to have primeancy forced on him, it would be an added advantage.”
When she flashed a smile, Nylion bristled.
“Are you talking about me?” he growled.
Godsdamned bitch, you godsdamned bitch, I will KILL you, I will… no, no. Cannot do-
Were those… Nylion’s thoughts?
Nyl, you should do as she’s suggesting, I said. Come on. You know we could escape her clutches later, once she’s let her guard down. It would be so easy…
“Why would I do as you have asked?” Nylion said. “The exchange you are proposing seems uneven, to say the least.”
Frozen in our mind, I hissed What the HELL, Nylion?
And Nylion blinked.
Heart of my heart. You are not asleep, he said. You- you should not be here. If this does not go well…
No. You listen to me, I said. That is Hadrion, Ren’s little brother. Go with the Enforcer. We’ll be fine, and you know it. Even if we couldn’t escape from her, we have Rhylix watching over us. Once we're captured, nothing would stop him from rescuing us, not even death.
“I thought you cared for this one, but perhaps I was wrong.”
Tightening her grip, the Enforcer pushed her blade into Hadrion’s neck hard enough to draw blood.
Taking a jerked step forward, Nylion said, “No! I will-”
But Hadrion cut him off.
“Don’t do it, Raimie! She’s going to kill me any-hrrk.”
Having punched the teenager in the throat, the Enforcer shook out her hand.
“That’s better,” she said.
Oh… I am going to DESTROY her. Godsdamned horrid bitch, just like her. All of them. I will annihilate them all!
With a slow breath out, Nylion calmly said, “What have you done with the rest of my people? Have you harmed them?”
Panic squeezed my thoughts into a pinpoint of need.
What are you doing? I shrieked. Drop your weapons and give up! Or give me control back! I can-
“They’re fine. I shade melded past them,” the Enforcer said. “The poor dears think that all’s well in here.”
Shifting Nylion lowered Silverblade a fraction more.
I cannot give you control, heart of my heart, he whispered. If this goes poorly, I will not have it on your hands.
…What? I said.
Ignoring the storm raging within us, Nylion said, “I will give myself into your custody as soon as Hadrion is safe in the hands of my people outside.”
“Ha! Why in the void would I trust you enough to take the first step like that?” the Enforcer said.
“Because I am not like your master,” Nylion growled. “When I give my word, I keep it.”
Holy hell, the outrage flooding from my other half… it washed over me, and I went limp beneath the deluge of it.
I was resuscitated when Hadrion’s stance shifted, turning both me and Nylion cold.
“You can’t give up, Raimie,” he said. “You need to be free if we’re to see Doldimar dead, so…”
Taking a few short breaths, he quirked a sad smile.
“Tell Ky I said I’m sorry.”
Then, he grabbed the Enforcer’s blade with his bare hands before using both his hold and a jerked forward body to open the artery in his neck.
“NO!” NO!
For a space absent time, two people controlled one body, completely in concert with one another, and the world slowed down. Hadrion slipped out of the Enforcer’s grasp, uncaring of the sharp edge that was peeling away his skin. Behind the woman, the room’s door banged open, revealing Kylorian’s anxious face, and the Enforcer’s eyes widened.
Screaming, Nylion and I shot Daevetch at the woman’s legs, and everything below her knees disappeared. She dropped to the floor, and we leapt on her, vaguely aware of Kylorian sprinting past us. We swung Silverblade in violent curves above our head and into her flesh over and over and over and over and over and over…
When the average pace of time resumed, the Enforcer was meaty paste beneath Nylion’s boots, and our throat was rubbed raw.
This is… my fault, my other half haltingly said. If I was better… or if I had seen-
No, it’s mine, I breathed. I was supposed to protect him.
The sobs behind us could only be Kylorian, and we let his grief speak to our sorrow.
We always do this, don’t we? I said. Assume responsibility for the horrible things others do. Neither of us is to blame for… this. She is.
Nylion kicked the last intact fragment of the Enforcer’s head, sending it skittering across the floorboards.
“What happened here?”
At that threatening tone, Nylion twirled in place. Kylorian was hovering over his younger brother with his sword drawn, and his cold eyes bored straight through Nylion and into me.
With his voice choked, Nylion said, “She took him hostage while I was working on a Kiraak, and before I could remand myself into her custody, he cut his throat on her blade.”
“And why would he do that?” Kylorian asked, taking a step forward.
Oh, shit. He was looking for someone to blame, and we were the closest target. Fucking hell, no! Why couldn’t it have been someone else?
Swallowing, Nylion said, What do I say?
And despite how bad of an idea it would be, I said, Tell him the truth. It’s what he needs.
No matter how much it would most definitely hurt us. Kylorian was the one in more pain right now. He needed help. Not us.
Never us.
When Nylion spoke, the words felt as if they’d been torn from me, no matter that I wasn’t the one speaking them.
“He believed that I must remain free so I can fulfill that damn foretelling and defeat Doldimar.”
Alouin, how that had hurt to say… or maybe hear, echoing in this miserable place like the loudest of bells.
“So, this is your fault,” Kylorian said.
Lifting his sword’s point, he advanced on us like an approaching storm, and cautiously raising Silverblade, Nylion backed away.
“I did not ask him to do what he did,” he said.
“You were supposed to protect him,” Kylorian roared in response.
Stopping short, Nylion went stiff, and on feeling all that was coursing through my other half, I reached for him, only to touch him too late.
“I am only responsible for protecting one person in this world,” he said, “and it was not your brother.”
Oh… hell. Oh, no. Oh…
“I’ll kill you!” Kylorian cried.
He attacked with a ferocity that startled me, but my other half countered it with ease. Every time Kylorian jabbed at us, Nylion blocked the strike. One of them swung, and the other dodged, but as in every fight I’d ever watched him in, Nylion had the upper hand.
When he landed a glancing blow along Kylorian’s ribs, he gleefully hissed, and I knew something had gone very, very wrong with him.
Nyl, I think you should let go now, I said.
Snarling, my other half rained a flurry of blows on Kylorian. The other man dodged and evaded as best he could, but he rolled his wrist too far on a final parry, which had his sword flying out of his hands.
Nyl…
Triumphantly shouting, Nylion kicked Kylorian’s feet out from under him before swinging his sword toward the other man’s face.
GIVE ME CONTROL RIGHT NOW!
I barely stopped Silverblade from cleaving Kylorian in two. Rolling away, he retrieved his sword, warily watching for my next attack, but instead, I flung Silverblade away from me.
“You’re right!” I said. “I was supposed to protect him, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t. But I didn’t kill him. That’s on the Enforcer.”
“You shouldn’t have killed her,” Kylorian hissed.
With a nod, I said, “I should have left that for you, yes. But ultimately, the blame for Hadrion’s death lies squarely at his feet. He decided to die rather than pose a liability to me, never trusting that I could save him or myself, and now, we have to live with his decision.”
“How dare you!” Kylorian choked out with tears spilling from his eyes. “He did it for you!”
“And it was very noble,” I said. “But it was also a mistake.”
For a moment, I hoped logic might have won out over emotion for once, but as I’d thought might happen once I was finished speaking, Kylorian rushed me. I sprayed a cone of Ele at his chest, pinning him to the far wall. Now, I only needed to maintain this flow of energy until…
Oswin and my best friend burst into the room. They started to take in the carnage, but I couldn’t wait for them to process the scene.
“Rhy!” I shouted. “A little help, please.”
My friend jerked his head up, flicking a thread of Ele into Kylorian’s eyes, and as he lost consciousness, I gratefully released my hold on white light.
“What happened?”
I wasn’t sure who’d said that, dazedly stumbling toward Hadrion’s older brother as I was. I didn’t know how long I stared at Kylorian’s sleeping face before the numbness that had overtaken me slipped away, but once it had, I slid down the wall next to someone who could have been my friend, huddling in a ball.
“Rhy? Can you-?” I asked without hope, gesturing toward the mess by the door.
After a moment, my friend said, “I’m sorry. He’s long gone.”
Nodding, I banged my head on the wall. The sensation felt nice, relieving some of what was threatening to tear me into pieces, so I did it again. And again.
I didn’t understand why I was so upset. Sure, Hadrion and I had been growing closer, but even still, we hadn’t had many interactions with each other. During the winter we’d spent in Tiro, he’d been more Rhylix’s friend than mine.
Unconsciously, I skittered my gaze toward my friend, which was a mistake. Ryvolim had assumed the distant, otherworldly look he donned when he was in the midst of fighting off a breakdown. Compared to that or Kylorian’s devastation—to Ren’s yet to be realized loss—what was my pathetic grief?
Hadrion’s gap-toothed grin floated into my vision, tearing through me, but before I could lose myself to the storm waiting in the wings, the door opened once more.
Little didn’t bother with commenting on the scene spread before him. He simply crouched and took my hand, and that single point of contact stopped me from once more smashing my head against the wall.
“I bring you good news, Your Majesty,” he said. “The Birthing Grounds are yours. The day is won.”
At this, I scanned a room full of hanging Kiraak, a mash of paste that had been an Enforcer, and the corpse that had been a friend. I crookedly smiled before anguish dragged me, kicking and screaming, into the maelstrom of its relentless hold.
Letter: My Darling
My darling,
I’m writing to you from Auden, the last stop on my tour of the human kingdoms, and as requested, I’ve given each of their kings the Council’s tribute while keeping in mind the favor you’ve asked of me.
When it comes to that, I’m sorry to say that your fears are valid, love. The humans have grown soft, content in their domination of us and the rest of the continent.
While before, I would have celebrated this, seeing it as a chance to gain our freedom, I can only view it with fear now. Your foretelling will allow me nothing less.
For instance, one of my sources of both fear and long-forgotten hope is that out of all the human kingdoms, Auden is the only one to maintain a standing army. Even with that depressing example, however, I’ve found a reason to fight despair. The tales of their prowess in battle are true in every way possible. Even their king shows nothing but strength and wisdom, traits that inspire only respect and loyalty in his subjects.
His heir, on the other hand, is another matter entirely.
The child is sullen, petulant, and exceedingly self-centered. If, as you’ve seen, this Audish heir is to become our last hope, then we’re doomed.
Maybe I’m judging him too harshly. You know how much I dislike children, so perhaps that has colored my perception of the boy. I certainly hope that’s right. I hope the future’s not as bleak as I’m thinking it will be.
I’ll be home soon, my love, but when the time is right, I’ll visit Auden once more. Hopefully, I can give you a better assessment of the Audish heir once the child has grown into a man.
Interlude 1.1: Apprehension
Heir to the Audish Throne
Today is a special day. Today, my father spent the morning with me. Today, we’ve had a party. Today, people tell me that I’m smart and good and nice.
Because today, I turned seven.
Master Kinlith says, “Birthdays are a chance for a prince to show his worth. Let the commoners laud you, Your Highness, but remember to be gracious in return.”
I don’t like it when he says confusing things, but sometimes, I understand anyway. I was a good prince today. At the party, I tried to be like my father, and my mother noticed.
She said, “You’re too young to be so serious, my love. Be a child while you can.”
Then, she gave me my present. Inside the box was you! My new diary. I love the way you look and smell. I love that you can keep secrets.
I love that my mother gave you to me because I love her.
But that’s all I wanted to say. Today, I turned seven. I was a good prince and made my father proud. Mother gave me a nice gift.
And best of all, I didn’t have lessons with Kinlith! I hope my next birthday is this good.
I am very confused, diary.
My brother was born today. His name is Nebailie, and I think he’s wonderful.
Why doesn’t everyone else?
The castle was so quiet this morning. Servants and nobles kept hurrying through it. They went out of their way to avoid me, so I thought I was in trouble.
Then, I overheard some people talking about my brother. They weren’t saying nice things, and when I went to stop them, they only thought it was funny.
Why? My brother was just born. Why do they already not like him?
It doesn’t matter. I think he’s perfect. My father let me hold him after I pitched a fit, and I’ve never seen something so amazing. He was sleeping, and when I saw that, I knew I had to keep him safe.
So, that’s what I’ll do, diary.
Thank you for letting me write today! I was so confused, but writing it out helped a lot!
Ok. I have to get this off my chest. So please, forgive me for a moment.
Kinlith. Is such. An ass.
I mean… I know I’m growing up, getting into those ‘troublesome years’ that people always talk about. I get it.
But I swear. If that stuffy tutor gets on my case one more time about ‘proper decorum’ and ‘lines of succession’, I will punch him in the face.
All right. I think I got it out. Maybe I should explain now.
I know it’s been a while since I last wrote in here. I forgot I had a diary for two solid years, and when I remembered that it existed, I may have been a little too busy with… stuff to do any journaling. Stuff involving girls. Also swords and learning to fight and shit like that.
Prince stuff. I promise it wasn’t all fun and games.
Anyway. Now, I’m back because…
Well. Because there are things happening that I don’t know how to explain to other people. And I’m not sure who I can talk to about it.
Which leaves me here.
I think something might be going on with my brother. Last time I wrote in this journal, I may have mentioned how much I love Nebailie? Yeah, that’s still true. My little brother is probably my favorite person in the world, and he’s just… not happy.
Not that I can blame him. People in the castle are the worst around him. They act polite and nice to his face, but behind his back, it’s all gossip and deriding comments, and I swear to Alouin, I’m going to get the next person who makes fun of him banished from the capital.
Sorry. Apparently, I still have some anger to work out.
But getting to the point.
Today, ‘bailie and I were in our usual lesson with Kinlith, learning about… something.
I’ll be honest. I wasn’t paying that much attention.
My brother was. He’s always been the better of us with studying, almost like he’s trying to prove his worth through our lessons. Which… it makes me furious that he has to do that, but whatever.
Kinlith asked us some questions about our neighboring kingdom, Lyzencroft, and I didn’t know the answer. I mean… I know that at some point, their crown princess and I will be getting married. Don’t know how I’m already engaged.
But beyond that, I don’t know much about Auden’s neighbor.
Nebailie was happy to jump on the question. He had the correct answer and everything, and Kinlith just had to be snarky about that. I don’t know why a tutor would make fun of his student’s smarts, all while making the insult sound like a compliment, but that asshole did it.
I was about to get in his face, but ‘bailie grabbed my arm before I could shoot out of my seat. He smiled and said ‘thank you’, like he hadn’t heard the disdain behind Kinlith’s words, and the lesson moved on.
How can he put up with that? If someone treated me so horribly, I don’t think I could be as calm about it as my brother was.
But he deals with things like that all the time, much as I hate it. Much as I still don’t know why it happens.
Alouin, I wish someone would explain it to me. I wish the subject of my brother didn’t keep getting brushed aside in polite conversation. I wish I could understand so I can help him.
I don’t like living in a lie, like there’s some obvious truth that no one’s telling me.
And I don’t like that he’s having to live like that too.
Well. I got myself into a spot of trouble today, but unlike the many other times when this has happened, this one might have been truly worth it.
Nebailie has been having a rough week. He’s been quiet and a little sullen, even with me, and that annoying childhood habit of his, where he refuses to meet people’s eyes, popped back up.
And this was not ok with me. Don’t get me wrong. He should be able to express his feelings in whatever way he wants. That wasn’t the problem. I just wanted to cheer him up, if I could.
So, Kinlith has this lady friend who's been dropping by the classroom during lessons. It’s pretty obvious that he likes her. Like… likes, likes her. And I decided to take advantage of that today.
When she came by our classroom this afternoon, Nebailie was sprawled across his desktop, hiding his face in his arms, and as usual, the… noble lady—see here how ridiculously sarcastic I’m being—ignored the prince in her midst. Or one of them, I guess.
She certainly seemed charmed by me, not that I was surprised by that. Most women seem to enjoy my presence, although… that’s started to become tiresome. I know they don’t like me, merely my place in the kingdom.
But this diary entry isn’t about me. It’s about cheering my brother up.
As our dear guest plied me for information on Kinlith, I was happy to tell her about all of his many… virtues, and after the first example of these, I caught Nebailie peering at me from over his arm before he ducked back into hiding again, which… yes! I knew that would work. As much as he might insist on being polite with our asshole tutor, I know my brother hates him.
Soon enough, I was able to drag Nebailie into the conversation.
How did it go?
“Hey ‘bailie, remember that time when Kinlith made you stand in front of the classroom for hours, even though no one was there and you’d only missed that one answer to his questions?”
Oo… if that didn’t get a response.
By the time I was finished with the lady, she had such a look of distaste scrawled across her face. Alouin but it was beautiful to see.
The best part? Kinlith showed up toward the tail end of our last story, and he made such a fuss, trying to explain himself. The lady wasn’t having any of it, trying to get around him without touching him, and because of how close we’d gotten to her, Nebailie and I were able to slip a spider down the back of her gown.
Hell, how she howled! It was so funny.
Look, I know what we did wasn’t right. And I know I’ll have to apologize to both Kinlith and the lady in the morning. Our father was perfectly within his rights to confine me to my room for the rest of the day.
But seeing Nebailie’s face glow like it did…
I’d do it all again. A thousand times more.
Something strange happened again today, and once more, I find myself in a place where I don't know who I can turn to. Who am I supposed to talk about these things when I don't even understand what those 'things' are?
Last time, I told you about how Nebailie and I pulled a prank on our tutor and how I was sent to my room as punishment for that. Well, I... may have... snuck out after writing that entry.
Yeah, I know I did something wrong, and sure, I absolutely deserved the punishment my father gave me, but I was bored. Sitting around, doing nothing, has never been my style.
So, I left, and wandering around the palace, avoiding people, was... interesting. I've never seen how the nobles and servants act when I'm not around. From what I saw, they seem more carefree. Less stressed. I don't know how to put that or why that is.
I mean... sure, I'm a prince, and that may come with certain privileges. But I've never used those privileges, not for anything that wasn't underserved at least. So, why are people afraid of me?
Or am I wrong about what I saw that day?
Whatever. That part doesn't matter.
The thing that confused me came after I'd been bumbling about the palace for a bit, already getting bored again. I couldn't engage in any of my typical hobbies, as those are a teensy bit... well. High-profile, I guess?
But anyway, I rounded onto the hallway that leads to my father's study, and as I did, I heard something. Raised voices and... sounds. Not one-hundred-percent sure what those sounds were, but I didn't like them much.
I thought maybe my father was in trouble? I don't know why I thought that. Unlike me, he has Ele to help him if he ever gets into a fight, but still, I was worried.
I was about to grab a guard, but before I could, my mother came around a corner. You know. The one who gave me you. My diary.
She stopped outside of the door to my father's study, and the look on her face! I never thought I'd see something like that from her.
She was staring at the door like it was the most disgusting, reprehensible thing she'd ever seen, but then, one of the voices behind that door raised into a pained shout, and my mother... she- she smiled.
Why would she do that? I don't know who was behind that door, but still, I've never seen my mother take pleasure from another person's pain. She's always been so compassionate, toward nobles and peasants alike. For Alouin's sake, she goes out into the pauper's districts so she can help them every month or so!
So, what was this?
I don't know. It scared me. It was another of those pieces in my life that doesn't fit, you know? The ones that scream, "Hey, something's wrong with this picture! There's something going on behind the scenes. Something you don't know about."
Which bothers me. I'm the godsdamned prince of Auden! I should know what's going on in my own bloody palace!
But I don't. And this concerns me.
It's why I'm writing in you, though. Who else am I supposed to share these things with? No one else can know how afraid I'm starting to become of my own damned home.
I have to get it together. Nebailie needs me to be a good brother. My father needs me to be the perfect prince. And my mother... well, she's never needed anything from me, but I still want to make her happy.
I can't let these fears stop me from being who they need me to be. I've got to keep going.
So, yeah, I may write about these things here, but hell, if I'll let them out anywhere else.
Interlude 1.2: Apprehension
Heir to the Audish Throne
6th of Fifth, 3461
Recently, I’ve learned that this is the proper way to open a journal entry. While I must admit that I’ll miss the carefree way I’ve written in this journal in the past, I also hope that by changing my habits in a small way, I can start acting like the crown prince that the court expects.
I’ll stop with the pranks. I’ll stop making eyes at every noble lady, but if they tell me one more time to stop spending time with my brother, they can kiss my…
The name of the brother I’d been discussing in my dia… no, my journal had me jerking my quill off of its paper.
Through the door in front of me, I heard my mother shriek, “He brings nothing but embarrassment on this family!”
And I frowned. Maybe I should have waited for my father somewhere else. This morning, he’d called me to his study for an unknown purpose, and I’d been waiting for his summons with my journal to keep me company. Or I had been until this disagreement had started.
My mom and dad had been fighting a lot recently, but every time a disagreement had started, I'd been ushered out of the room before I could figure out what the problem was. Today’s fight must have come from a powerful stressor. I’d never heard my mother yell so loudly before.
My father murmured something soothing at her, but she refused to calm down.
“I don’t like the boys associating like this!” she hissed. “I want you to send him away.”
There was a bit more murmuring, along with some wheedling, before my mother shouted.
“That’s not good enough! Have you ever considered that maybe he is the reason our son hasn’t summoned a splinter yet? Alouin knows you don’t deserve yours. Maybe Ele has placed the curse that should have gone to you onto our son instead!”
And my father’s gruff voice rose to meet hers.
“That’s not how it works, and you know it!”
The sudden quiet beyond the study’s door was loud enough to match my own shock. My father never raised his voice, and this anomaly, more than anything else could, had me moving closer to the door.
“The nobility is talking,” my mother eventually continued in a stiff voice. “If our son doesn’t show some sign of Alouin’s favor soon, they’ll start to think our family is lost. That could give them a reason to revolt against us.”
“Don’t worry your head, woman,” my father said. “I have a plan to help our son. Just leave it to me, like you always do. Is there some other concern you want to tell me about right now? Because I have more problems than your petty jealousy to tackle.”
My mother must have given him a negative because my father’s voice continued after only a slight pause.
“Then, our audience is at an end. Send the crown prince in on your way out.”
Even as the doorknob turned, though, his voice stopped my mother.
“Will you ever forgive me?” he softly said.
“For your association with that whore?” my mother said. “Yes, I might have forgiven you for that, but I’ll never forgive you for Nebailie. You put our family in danger with him, and in so doing, you’ve lost any love and affection I once held for you.”
Oh, boy. I needed to get away from this door. Eavesdropping was not only rude, but it was unbecoming of the heir to the throne.
Or so I was told.
But that was fine. I just needed to make sure I wasn’t caught.
“May I go, Your Majesty?” my mother rigidly said.
“Of course, Your Majesty,” my father just as stiffly replied.
Flinging the door open, my mother stormed through it, although her face reddened when she saw me hovering.
“Your father will see you now,” she said before gliding away.
Well. I hadn’t been quick enough with getting away. She’d caught me, and now, I’d never live that down. Not with her at least.
“Are you coming in, Your Highness?” my father said from inside.
And I sighed. Were those the roles we were playing today? King and heir to the throne, not father and son?
“I wasn’t sure if you were ready for me, Your Majesty,” I said as I came inside.
As always, my father’s study was intimidating. The sitting area behind the door was innocuous enough, stuffed with a pair of comfy armchairs, a side table, and a sideboard topped with crystal decanters. New-fangled oil lanterns with their self-contained flames lent the area a cozy atmosphere, strengthened by the shoulder-high bookcase opposite the door.
The scene above those books was what made a part of me quake like a child in the middle of a scolding. A pair of short, curved stairs on either side of the sitting area led to the landing above the bookcase. A railing currently blocked my view of the desk sitting in the center of that dais, but I could see the floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the city. Considering how far the ceiling rose above us, they made quite an ostentatious display of wealth.
The study was located on the side of the palace that extended over a cliff’s edge, and quite a lengthy drop awaited anyone foolish enough to test those windows’ strength.
My father was sitting in one of the armchairs near the door, which had me breathing a sigh of relief. I hated the unnerving view in here, avoiding it as much as possible.
As I joined my father in the seat beside him, I said, “Your discussion with Her Royal Majesty sounded heated.”
“It was nothing,” my father said, waving away my concern. “The queen is still justifiably irate about Prince Nebailie’s presence at court, but that’s not why I’ve called you here.”
Really now? I never would have guessed.
“You want to discuss my lack of a splinter,” I said.
“Indeed.”
Leaning toward the sideboard, my father grabbed a decanter and a pair of glasses, pouring each of us a drink.
“As you know, every monarch in Auden’s long history has been cursed with the presence of an Ele splinter. Our tolerated shame is made bearable by how the populace refuses to call us ‘primeancer’, as is their right. Or they don’t call us that to our face,” my father said, sourly smiling. “Rather, the priests insist that they call us ‘Alouin’s blessed’ instead. This distinction, along with the power granted by Ele, is why the Audish monarch is acknowledged as Alouin’s direct representative throughout the world. It’s also why I’m constantly forced to participate in inane religious rituals instead of useful statecraft.”
Pausing, my father took a sip of his drink before grimacing.
“The queen and I, as well as several noble houses, are concerned that at fifteen, the current heir to the throne has yet to exhibit any powers or tendencies associated with attracting a splinter.”
Hell, I wanted to disappear through the floor. I knew all of what my father had said, having had it repeated to me far too many times, and it never ceased to remind me of my biggest failure in life. It took everything I had to maintain a perfect posture.
“I don’t know what to tell His Majesty,” I said. “I’ve done everything I can to attract one. My apologies that my compliance with the priests' suggestions has yet to draw Ele’s attention.”
Pausing in a sip, my father frowned at me.
“Oh no, Your Highness. You mistake me,” he said. “I didn’t summon you here to berate you for what others might perceive as a failure. Today, I mean to give you a solution for your predicament.”
The confidence in his voice grabbed my attention. My father might understand Kinlith and the priests’ frustrations with grooming me for this final task in taking the throne, but he couldn’t know mine. I kept my disappointment and self-loathing private, something that I didn't even share in my journal.
No matter how much I might try to be better—whether as a son, student, brother, or prince—my efforts didn’t seem to matter. My destined splinter had refused to join me here, on the physical plane. If my father could fix this problem for me, I’d be more grateful than he could know.
He handed me a drink, which I happily accepted.
“You know that Auden has been blessed with many minor tears, from which our economy grows and our society advances,” my father said.
Nodding, I said, “Of course. Kinlith has been thorough when covering the subject of economics.”
To my utter and complete delight. That subject was the only one that had ever captured my attention during my lessons.
“Something recently came through one of our tears,” my father said. “I believe it may bridge the gap between now and the time when your Ele splinter appears before you.”
Reaching over the arm of his chair, he retrieved a box, one that the shadows had hidden.
“What is it?” I asked as he pulled it into his lap.
Lifting the lid, my father offered the box’s contents to me.
“See for yourself.”
On taking the box, I found a pile of fine, gauzy fabric, filling it to the brim. Almost ethereal in nature, it looked as if even the slightest of touches would dissolve it into thin air, but still, when I hesitantly lifted it out of the box, I almost immediately dropped it again.
At my touch, a white light had glowed around this fabric, lingering for a few heartbeats before fading.
Fascinated, I poked at it, watching as illumination rippled away from my finger. When I folded it around my forearm, that same phenomenon repeated everywhere it touched my flesh. It was cold against my skin, metallic like chainmail but also breezy. Best of all, it blended against my skin wherever the glow appeared.
“It looks like I’m holding Ele,” I whispered.
Smiling at my reaction, my father said, “That’s the idea.”
When he gestured for the box, I carefully folded that precious fabric into it before giving it back with my vision blurring. I listened with half of my attention as my father said.
“We’ll have this tailored into suitable attire. Once it’s finished, you can reveal it at a prominent public gathering, perhaps when our Eselan diplomat returns in a few weeks. Such a display will surely quash any rumors about your lack of a splinter for a time.”
He couldn’t know how much relief this had brought me. Without the pressure of everyone’s expectations hovering over my head—for this at least—maybe I could focus on other, more concerning problems in my life.
Rising to my feet, I deeply bowed to my father.
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” I said. “I don’t have words to convey my appreciation.”
“There’s no need for gratitude,” my father said.
I noted his grimace as I got back into my chair, but any apprehension that might have raised in me was soon erased by his next words.
“Kinlith has kept me appraised of your progress in his lessons. You’ve worked hard, and that’s prepared you for the role you’ll inherit from me someday. I won’t have the best candidate for the throne passed over because of a silly superstition, especially when your brother continues to shirk his duties.”
Making a face, my father looked away from me.
“I’ll need to discipline him again soon.”
I couldn’t move. Alouin above, I might have heard words like that from other people, but they’d never come from my father.
“May I speak plainly?” I asked.
Smiling, my father said, “Of course, son.”
Which allowed me to transition from the role of crown prince to that of a son.
“‘bailie only skips his lessons because Kinlith treats him with nothing but scorn, like the rest of court,” I said. “My brother is smart, fast on his feet, and has fantastic instincts. You should see some of the ways he’s avoided a fight in the past. They can be ingenious at times. If you want him to succeed, though, something needs to change. The hostility he always faces here isn’t helping him grow.”
“Hmm.”
Resting his elbows on his knees, my father steepled his fingers in front of his face.
“Is this true?” he said. “Kinlith isn’t tutoring your brother properly.”
At that, I nodded emphatically. Our tutor might have a few good qualities, but how he treated Nebailie wasn’t one of them.
Leaning back in his chair, my father said, “Perhaps your mother’s right, then. Maybe it’s time for Prince Nebailie to find his place outside of my court.”
That idea chilled me to the bone. If my brother left, I’d lose my only true friend but- but-
I couldn’t deny him a chance at happiness, a chance to leave a place where whispers followed him wherever he went.
“May I ask an… awkward question, father?” I hesitantly said.
I honestly wasn’t sure if I could. My father and I rarely spent time together, not when he was always busy with keeping Auden running. My mother had been the one to raise me.
At the same time, I knew my father might be the only person who could answer this question. Everyone else I’d asked it of liked to dance around the truth, and it frustrated me to no end.
“Son. You can ask me anything,” my father said. “You should know that by now.”
Maybe I would have if-
No. I should take the chance he'd offered me.
“Why does everyone treat ‘bailie like trash?” I said. “It makes me so angry. I swear. The next time I see another group of nobles whispering about him behind his back, I’ll- I’ll-”
“You’ll pretend you didn’t see it.”
At the snap in my father’s voice, I lowered the hands I’d raised, pushing myself back in my seat, if only slightly. A good crown prince would never abandon proper posture, even in the face of his father’s displeasure.
Fortunately, he quickly winced and waved for me to relax.
“All I meant is that you have inherited the burden of the throne, a burden that will be more than enough for you to carry,” he said. “Prince Nebailie’s burden will be his to carry, not yours. Even if that burden is because of my own failings.”
Looking away, he continued in a soft voice, “Nothing I do will ever make that up to him.”
“Your… failings?” I said. “What are you talking about? You’re… the king of Auden, the representative of Alouin in this world.”
He was my father!
“You can do no wrong.”
My father burst into laughter, doubling over from the force of it. It lasted for what felt like forever, but when it eventually faded away, he wiped his eyes.
“Thank you, son,” he gasped. “I needed that.”
“You’re… welcome? I think,” I said. “Why was what I said so funny?”
“Because…”
Scooting to the edge of his seat, my father took my hands.
“Because I’m not perfect. Not in the least. I fail in multiple ways almost every day.”
Looking at where our hands were joined, he released a slow breath.
“But what you’re asking about is quite possibly my biggest mistake. You see, several years ago, I was unfaithful to your mother, and your brother came from that mistake.”
He watched me through his eyelashes as realization swept over me, as my mother’s recent temper tantrums and the conversation I’d overheard earlier fell into place. The nobles’ behavior, the snide comments, every single thing I’d ever found confusing about my seemingly double life clicked into place.
Releasing my hands, my father said, “I had my reasons for the transgression, and some of them were very good. But they don’t excuse-”
“Nebailie’s my half-brother?” I dazedly said, only half-aware that I’d interrupted my father.
After a pause, he said, “Yes.”
“Then… who’s his mother?” I said.
Wincing, my father said, “A noble lady. Someone I sent away from court, for the queen’s sake.”
Alouin, everything made so much sense now. I looked at Nebailie from everyone else’s perspective, and I saw a stain on my family, a reminder of my father’s misdeeds, and a source of stress for my mother. Maybe they’d been right to…
No.
Nebailie was my little brother. Why should I care about the rest? Our relationship with each other was all I’d ever cared about.
Shrugging, I said, “It doesn’t matter. Thank you for sharing the truth with me, Your Majesty, and for the gift, but I have several more tasks to complete today. Is there anything else you need from me?”
My father seemed disappointed for some reason. What had he been expecting from me after revealing this? Absolution?
He wouldn’t find that here. He was, in essence, the source of my mother and brother’s suffering, and I would never forgive him for that.
With a wave, my father said, “You’re free to return to your duties.”
Hastily collecting my journal, I left without a word. I had so many new secrets to record in it.
Chapter 30: Broken Relationship
Raimie
Securing the Birthing Grounds and returning humanity to the Kiraak had become welcome distractions for me. Every slow, tenuous drag of Corruption from someone else’s body, every task that required my input, was delaying the time when I’d need to deal with Kylorian and the knot of grief and guilt beating against my mind.
The current Kiraak I was working on let loose a howl, and I flinched. I must have missed a site where Corruption had been biting into his body.
As he slumped into unconsciousness, I sucked in a breath.
“Shit!”
When I lobbed the Daevetch ball I’d collected at the wall opposite me, the strength behind the strike blew a hole in it, surprising the soldiers scurrying by outside.
Behind me, Oswin said, “Perhaps you should rest, sir. You’ve been at this for a while.”
With my hands on my hips, I hung my head.
“How long?” I asked.
I’d lost track of time in my flight from the pain waiting for me.
“Almost an entire day,” Oswin said.
Glancing back at him, I said, “Really?”
It hadn’t felt that long. I’d have guessed only a few hours had come and gone.
But when he nodded, I knew he’d told me the truth and returned my view to a collapsed man.
“Remind me, Oswin,” I said. “How many Kiraak are waiting for my help?”
“You’ve worked through a good chunk of them already, sir. Several hundred are left but…”
Trailing off, Oswin sighed.
“Forgive me for the presumption, Your Majesty, but you’re only one man. You’re starting to make mistakes. If you keep going at this rate, you’ll hurt one of the people you’re trying to save. You- you need sleep.”
Growling, I crossed my arms. What did Oswin know? I could keep going. So many tasks were waiting for my attention. I couldn’t afford to rest-
The man in front of me groaned himself half-awake, dazedly trying to stand before his legs gave out once more.
Wincing, I said, “Ok. I see your point. Unfortunately, I still have one more thing to take care of before I can sleep.”
There was a beat of silence and then.
“As you say, sir,” Oswin grumbled.
Yeah. He wasn’t happy with me.
In the single day since the battle for this place had ended, the Birthing Grounds had undergone a change. Granted, I’d never seen the place before the fight had begun, but I knew from Little’s report that under Doldimar’s control, its Enforcer had imposed little order on those garrisoned here.
Now, a sense of purpose drove almost everyone I passed. I didn’t know each of these people’s assignments, but I’d guess they were working toward goals similar to those we’d striven for after capturing Da’kul: clearing the caves of enemies, assessing our newly captured supplies, raising defenses, and preparing for a counter-attack.
Besides those basic goals, I’d tasked several platoons of soldiers with guarding the Kiraak that I had yet to visit. None of those formerly hostile monsters had tried to leave the barracks we’d herded them into, but no one wanted to leave so many near deathless, former enemies unguarded.
Then came those robbed of their sense of purpose. I found the occasional person aimlessly ambling through streams of soldiers, forcing the more aware people around them into dodging. I recognized many of those lost souls, although they looked strange without black marks obscuring their features.
Almost as soon as the battle had been over, I’d given the order that those recently reverted humans could have full access to the Birthing Grounds. Once they’d recovered, they were welcome to come and go as they pleased, and if they wanted, they could even leave, venturing into the wild reaches of Doldimar’s domain. The soldiers under my command would still keep a close eye on them, but unless they attacked, I was giving them the freedom they’d been long denied.
The problem was that most of these people didn’t know what to do with it. They’d been wandering in a daze, refusing to speak, and at times, they’d hostilely reject anyone who tried to help them. Given that, my people had learned to leave them be. Their despondency was another issue I’d need to tackle once I could think straight.
As we approached a building I’d been avoiding for hours, Rhyli- no, Ryvolim watched me coming. He was leaning against an out-of-the-way barrack with his posture tight and his arms clenched around his chest.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Let’s wake him up,” I sighed.
Leaving Oswin to guard the door, I followed Ryvolim inside.
After I’d gotten ahold of myself earlier, we’d dumped Kylorian in the comfiest pile of rags that we could find in this place. A much fluffier mattress had been available on the second floor of the house at the center of the Birthing Grounds, but after I’d finished with the Kiraak in that awful place, I hadn’t wanted to spend another moment in it
This barrack’s interior had been left in a near pitch-black, so I drew on Ele to combat the darkness. The rush of peace and order that always followed that energy draw helped with calming down my jumbled thoughts, letting remnants of my sanity creep back like a wounded animal.
In the last day, I’d used so much Daevetch, so much, and the temptation to take another sip of it was dragging at my focus even more intensely than when I’d first descended into this pit. Right now, the Ele trapped in my hands could barely hold that ferocious need at bay.
When shadows fled from my summoned light, it revealed two, slack forms, slumped on the dirt floor. Kylorian’s chest was moving in an even rhythm. His peaceful slumber was undisturbed by his brother’s body, lying beside him.
We’d wrapped Hadrion in spare cloth. Gods, his youthful face, robbed of life, and the jagged gash across his throat had been too much to bear.
I wasn’t sure how much good it would do to wake Kylorian up next to the source of his grief, but I’d left the task of tending to the brothers to Ryvolim. Knowing how experienced he was with this sort of thing, he must have had an excellent reason for placing them together.
Without further delay, Ryvolim sucked a light strand from Kylorian’s form, and after a moment, he stirred. Ryvolim and I gave him time to wake up with our hands resting on our hilts, ready to throw light or gloom at the slightest provocation.
Rising from the ground, Kylorian yawned.
“Hello, you two!” he brightly said. “Have we started the assault? I had the most terrible nightmare last night. We let Hadrion join us and…”
As I’d been listening to Kylorian talk, I’d tried to keep horror off of my face, but I must have failed miserably because the other man quickly broke off, holding stock still.
After a heartbreaking moment, he said, “It wasn’t a dream, was it?”
I shook my head, unable to form words. I didn’t know how that could be possible with such a giant lump in my throat. As Kylorian turned to look at the bundle beside him, I could almost hear the groan of straining metal coming from his neck, but when he reached out to touch that cloth, his hand only hovered, trembling. Slumping, he dropped said hand in his lap.
“What will you do with me now?” he asked with a dead voice. “I tried to kill you. You’re fully within your rights to punish me for that. Is that why I’m here, away from prying eyes?”
Gods, what sort of person did he think-?
But no. I couldn’t blame him for thinking that might be possible, even with how well we’d once thought we knew one another.
“You’re here on the off-chance that you make another attempt on my life,” I said, “but if you don’t do that, I’m planning to send you home with Hadrion.”
Sharply glancing at me, Kylorian said, “You’d let me go, even with everything that’s between us now? I know you’re not to blame for my brother’s death. My head is perfectly aware of that, but my heart isn’t listening, and I… don’t know what to do about that. Before this, I would have said you were one of the best men I’d ever met but now…”
Pausing, he shook his head.
“Wouldn’t it be foolish to leave a potential enemy like me alive?”’
If only Kylorian knew how much I’d been thinking about that. Even still, I shrugged.
“I’ll deal with that complication if I must,” I said, “but I don’t think we’ll be enemies, Kylorian. No matter how you end up feeling about me, we once agreed that Auden’s citizens should choose who rules them. If anything could, that will keep things amicable between us. I refuse to believe the Audish people would want a murderer on the throne, and you love them too much to disappoint them.”
Kylorian laughed, but there was an edge as sharp as a knife to it.
“You don’t know the Audish people very well yet, Raimie,” he said, “but at the least, you’re right about me. May I go?”
This felt like a bad idea, something I’d come to regret, but still, I stiffly nodded. When Kylorian reached my side, he stopped, wincing as he rested a hand on my shoulder.
“We should give it time,” he said. “Just… don’t let me see you for a few weeks, yeah? Let me grieve, and we’ll see where we stand then. All right?”
That damn lump was still lodged in my throat, but I forced myself to say.
“Ok.”
With his hand slipping off of me, Kylorian absently stared into space.
“Alouin, I have to go tell Ren that another of her brothers has died,” he said, as if to himself. “That’ll be fun.”
But then, he left me and Ryvolim in the Ele illuminated barrack, and I buried my face in my hands. I hadn’t… hadn’t wanted to think about Ren yet.
“That didn’t go as horribly as I thought it would,” Ryvolim said.
“We’re lucky,” I said through my hands. “Ky has always been generous with me and I…”
No. Couldn’t think about that either. Not yet. But I would soon.
“What about you?” I asked. “How are you handling… everything?”
I vaguely waved while Ryvolim crossed his arms.
“Better than Kylorian, that’s for sure,” he said. “I only failed in my mission to eliminate the Enforcers. I let the woman who killed Hadrion escape my clutches, and Kylorian never had a chance to-”
My friend started coughing, abruptly cutting himself off, and I winced, getting the message loud and clear. This had become a sore spot for him. I wouldn’t pry into it further.
Sighing, Ryvolim said, “Don’t do that, Raimie. I wasn’t trying to push you away. If you need to talk, we-”
“No, thank you,” I rushed to say. “I don’t think that would be wise. I… no, thank you.”
Ryvolim nodded, but that seemed like the only way he could respond to what I’d said. We were just too raw right now.
“If that’s so, I plan to find a private corner where I can release this shape change,” my friend said. “Can you keep out of trouble for one day? I’ll be unavailable until tomorrow evening at the latest, and I don’t want you running off somewhere dangerous without me to help.”
“My plans for the evening involve finding somewhere to crash for the night,” I said. “Hopefully, trouble can find someone else to torment while I’m sleeping.”
That made Ryvolim chuckle, although he cut it off by clearing his throat.
“What about the body?” he asked.
“I thought that was obvious,” I said. “Oswin will see that it’s returned to Tiro with Kylorian. Isn’t that right?”
From outside, Oswin’s voice drifted to us.
“As you say, sir. I’ll see that they receive the swiftest form of transportation we have available.”
“Well, then. I hope you rest well,” Ryvolim said.
He moved forward as if he wanted to give me a comforting gesture, but after pausing for a moment, he shook his head and left, abandoning me with a corpse.
Chapter 31: What's Wrong?
Raimie
Should I sit beside Hadrion? Should I let this roiling pot of grief and guilt in my gut boil over? Did I dare shove a lid on top of it, hoping that it would cool on its own?
I didn’t want to speak the words that would unburden my weakness on an empty barrack and the vacant remains found here. Better, I thought, to keep them packed into a kernel-sized box at the bottom of my essence’s pit.
But what if future circumstances discovered the clasp needed to open that box?
Folding to the ground beside Hadrion, I covered my face with my hands, hoping it would make this painful task easier.
“I don’t understand why you did it,” I whispered. “We barely knew one another, only held a few passing conversations and shared two nights of revelry together, but I could sense the potential for a great friendship between us. Why did you have to ruin it?”
I had to take a moment, searching for my voice in the swirling maelstrom it had disappeared into.
“Your decision in that house was incredibly selfish and stupid. Nyl and I had control of the situation, despite how it might have looked,” I said, forcing the words out. “That’s not what you saw, though, is it? To you, the person foretold to destroy your lifelong enemy was about to willingly throw himself on that foe’s mercy. The situation must have seemed like it was your fault, like you’d begun a tragedy that would only end in suffering and death. I’ve been there. I know exactly what that feels like.”
Blinking, I swallowed hard.
“You only did what you thought was needed to fix the problem, and I can understand the reasoning that led to such a desperate conclusion, but did you have to leave me with the burden of explaining your death to Ren?”
I broke off. More words clamored to be unleashed, but indulging in that urge wouldn’t help me any more than what I’d already spoken had. Sighing, I dropped my hands, fixing my eyes on a cloth-wrapped body.
“Goodbye, Hadrion,” I said.
Oswin followed me away from the barrack without a word, thank Alouin. I wasn’t sure what I’d have done if the spymaster had tried to comfort me. It was bad enough that he’d witnessed my moment of weakness. I couldn’t take his pity on top of that.
When we entered the caves, Oswin gently guided me into a secluded cavern.
“Will you please rest now?” he asked.
“Seeing as how my body needs it, yes.”
Unbuckling Silverblade from around my waist, I leaned it against a wall.
“Please make sure nothing disturbs me unless it’s of dire consequence.”
“I will, sir,” Oswin said.
When he drifted out of view, I collapsed into a conveniently placed cot. My whirling thoughts, however, wouldn’t let my brain slide into slumber. I lay motionless, staring at the ceiling, for what seemed like hours before giving up. When I stirred with the intention of returning to my duties, however, Oswin stuck his hand around the corner, tossing something my way.
“From Ryvolim,” he said.
This glass bottle, filled with my friend’s sleeping tincture, was the most beautiful sight I’d beheld all day. Even still, I only downed half of it before settling beneath the sheets once more. I had something to handle in my dreams, after all.
“Raimie. Raimie, please do not hate me. I only did what-”
Having only recently arrived in my nightmare realm, the only place where Nylion and I could talk, I tried to sit up, getting halfway there before running into an obstacle. Sitting on my lap, my other half was pawing at my shirt, in tears, and I… was not equipped to deal with this right now.
I was going to try anyway.
“Hey, hey. I’m not mad at you, Nyl,” I said. “It’s ok. We’re ok.”
As best I could at this awkward angle, I gathered him into a hug, feeling his body slowly relax against mine. Once he seemed calm enough, I cleared my throat.
“Now again, I’m not mad,” I said, “but I would like a little room, please. I just got here, and I’m… very disoriented. Can you let me breathe for a moment?”
“Oh. Of course.”
Nylion backed off, and I scrunched over on myself. Oh, everything hurt here, even if that hurt wasn’t in my body. So much whirling ENERGY was rattling along my nerves, and ignoring it was taking far too much of my focus. What was that? Was it simply our emotions, let free from the bottle and left to jangle between us? Or was there something else going on?
I wasn't here to address that, though. I didn’t know why I was wasting time considering it.
Once I’d caught my breath, I sat back up and winced at the look on Nylion’s face.
“Do I have to remind you of what I said in the real world?” I said. “Hadrion wasn’t your fault. Neither of us were at fault for that. I DO NOT blame you. Ok? I’m just… very sad.”
Hanging his head, Nylion nodded.
“I am too,” he whispered. “He seemed nice, and now, he is not here. And that hurts.”
“Of course it does,” I said, “but I’m here. Ok? So, can we talk about whatever's been bothering you for the last few months?”
Stiffening up, Nylion stared at me for a few heartbeats before getting to his feet. He paced back and forth, glancing at me every so often, but I wouldn’t move. Right now, I only had enough energy to listen, if my other half wanted to tell me about his troubles. I didn’t have anything extra for encouraging him to talk.
After several pacing repeats, Nylion huffed.
“You have been avoiding me,” he said. “Why?”
I had? I’d thought we’d been talking fairly regularly, but if he felt that way…
“I’ve been a little busy with directing a war effort,” I said. “Unfortunately, with so many people begging for my time, I haven’t had much leftover to deal with personal things.”
Stopping short, Nylion glared at me before ducking and jabbing a finger into my chest.
“Do NOT lie to me,” he said. “We are one and the same. I can tell when you are skirting the truth.”
I didn’t know what he was talking…
But then, everything hit me in the face. The battle, the aftermath, what was waiting for me back home.
And I exploded.
“If you know that, then you should also know why I’ve been avoiding you,” I snapped. “Why can’t you simply tell me why you’re angry? Ever since we’ve gotten established in Auden, you’ve been irritable with me. Why?”
“BECAUSE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN OUR GOAL!” Nylion shouted with his face scant inches away. “Our memories lie in this barren landscape, locked beyond our grasp, and you have done NOTHING to help us access them while I have been stuck here, trying to keep their effects from KILLING us.”
“Wha-? How could something in our head kill us?” I snapped before shaking my head. “No, that doesn’t matter. Look, I learned how to pick a lock, right? That was my job in the real world.”
“Which you learned after months with a spy trailing you everywhere you went!” Nylion said.
He jerked his body upright, and for the first time on this visit, I noticed the abrupt absence of something as vital to me as breathing. It made me wince, almost whining out loud, but I couldn’t do that, couldn’t-
Practically shaking with fury, Nylion said, “Yes, you have learned how to lock pick again. Congratulations. So, with that skill in hand, when were you planning on following through with opening our treasure vault of memories?”
And I was left stunned. I… REALLY couldn’t deal with this. Not my other half, the one as close to me as my essence, angry with me.
So, I got to my feet and walked away. After the day I’d had, why should I put up with another complication, even if I’d asked for it?
Now normally, I’d do absolutely anything to get my other half to smile. Not only did I owe Nylion, but… I only wanted that part of my essence to be happy. Curiously, however, I turned my back on this interaction, which wasn’t like me. In fact, it was the OPPOSITE of my every inclination, but today, a breaking point had been met. I couldn’t, WOULDN’T do this.
No more conflict. No more disappointed friends or broken promises. I’d abandoned those in the waking world, coming here to rest.
Something spun me around until Nylion’s face, caught between anxiety and fury, was all I could see.
Flicking his eyes back and forth, he said, “What is wrong with you? Are- are you ok, Raimie?”
And gods, all I wanted was to give in. All I wanted was to lean against him and close my eyes.
But I said, “I’m tired, Nyl. You, better than most, know the wounds today has inflicted. Do you think I can endure anything more than that right now?”
I couldn’t tell how Nylion reacted to my confession because our nightmare realm chose that moment to blur. My other half’s worried features briefly turned to fuzzy mush before snapping back into focus.
“Someone is trying to wake us up. That is unfortunate,” Nylion said, as if the words were coming from his mouth with effort. “Just… think about what I said, heart of my heart. Please. And please, have an explanation for your delay the next time you visit. I do not know how much longer I can wait for you to be ready.”
“What are you talking—?”
Chapter 32: Frozen Grief Part One
Kylorian
My brother is dead.
For perhaps the millionth time, I cast that thought out into the chaotic swirl of my mind, and once again, it got rejected, tossed out before it had had the chance to settle. As it slipped away from me, I took another pull from the mug of brandy in front of me, gazing into the nothing of the tavern on all sides.
Really, I shouldn’t have stopped for a drink on reaching Sanc. I should be returning to Tiro with all haste, given the cargo in my gifted wagon, but I just… couldn’t keep going. I’d needed to stop, if only for a single drink, before forcing myself onward once more.
How I wished that anyone besides Raimie had been there with my brother. How I wished it had been Ryvolim, the one who’d let Hadrion’s murderer get away in the first place. How I wished it had been Oswin or the other soldiers outside the house, the ones who’d let her inside.
Instead, it had been Raimie, the one I’d wanted to be a friend. The one I’d wanted to be my friend, someone I’d chosen instead of someone who’d been forced upon me. Someone I actually liked.
Hell, how I’d yearned for him to banish all the tumultuous feelings roiling through me in those first awful moments in that hellish room. How I’d longed for a comforting word or an explanation that could excuse the scene spread between him and me.
Instead, he’d gone cold, straightening into the most indignant, wrothful posture I’d ever seen. He’d poured righteous fury on me as he’d said.
“I am only responsible for protecting one person in this world, and it was not your brother.”
And for the briefest of moments, I’d seen myself in him. The person I’d always longed to be, the one who spoke up when things went wrong and had the courage to defend his unworthy self, and seeing that, I, of course, had attacked him.
Now, I wasn’t sure if we could ever be friends again because now, my brain and heart had irrevocably tied him to the self-hatred that I’d always been full to the brim with. If I was ever to reconcile with him, I’d have to either untangle those two ideas from one another or somehow reduce the poison that ate away at everything I did. Both tasks seemed impossible to me, and that hurt, although it didn’t come close to the pain of my brother is dead.
As if to frustrate me, that thought again broke apart when it hit the bedlam in my mind, and wincing, I finished off the last of my drink. I’d already paid the two silver chit price for what I’d imbibed, which let me rise from my seat and depart without having to address the barkeep again. Thank Alouin.
After climbing into the wagon I’d left outside, I flicked the reins, guiding the horses onto a well-worn road. I hadn’t gone far, still able to see Sanc on the horizon, before the past and present resumed their play alongside one another.
I knew I was keeping the horses on their guided trail, but I was also watching Ren shuffle Hadrion along in front of her with her hands over his eyes. When they reach me, she lifts those hands, and after blinking several times, Hadrion’s eyes go wide.
“Is that… a sword?” he says, pointing at the bundle in my arms.
“Yup,” I say. “All for you.”
Leaning down to his ear, Ren murmurs, “Happy birthday, Had-had.”
He gulps, clasping his hands in front of his mouth with his eyes going glassy, but I can’t blame him for that. Tanwadur and Eliade have been ADAMENT that their youngest child never learn how to fight. Ren and I have always found that contradictory. Tiro is still in Auden, much as we like to pretend it isn’t, and everyone in Auden should know how to use a weapon like this.
I watch my brother as he softly giggles. His eyes are still watery as he drops his hands to reveal a beaming smile.
“It’s about damn time!” he says.
The sun hugged the tops of the trees ahead with the mountain pass that led to Tiro coming into view. I was drowsy-
“Sometimes, I wish I was a girl so I didn’t have to listen to Dury’s lectures.”
Pausing in writing out my next persuasive ‘speech’ in a notebook, I glance up at where Hadrion has slumped against the door he just came through. He looks… tired, in a distinctly unique kind of way, and I feel hairs raising all over my arms.
“What do you mean?” I carefully say.
Shaking his head, Hadrion says, “I mean… Ren never has to listen to how MEAN our dad can get sometimes, you know? I know it’s just his temper popping up but still. I wish… I wish…”
As I watch, he passes a hand over his face, allowing me the briefest of glimpses at the devasted look that he was trying to hide, and I’m on my feet. Quietly approaching him, I take hold of his shoulders, leaning down to his eye level.
“What did he do?” I say.
I refuse to break eye contact with my brother, even as he darts his gaze from side to side, trying to look away from me.
“He… gave one of those lectures he likes to spout off,” he says. “You get them often enough, don’t you?”
For a moment, I simply examine him, trying to determine if he’s hiding anything, but I genuinely cannot tell at the moment. I’m not sure if that’s because he’s gotten good enough at keeping secrets, like me, or if my own emotions are clouding any signs I might be seeing from him.
“So, he didn’t do anything else to you?” I cautiously ask.
When Hadrion frowns with nothing else in the expression, I internally sigh with relief, even as I relax and drop my hands.
“What are you talking about?” he says. “What else would he have done besides yell his head off, as usual?”
Forcing myself to make a face, I say, “I guess that’s bad enough, huh?”
“You’re telling me,” Hadrion says with a snort before pushing off the door. “So, what have you been up to in…?”
Drifting-
Today marks the beginning of my first journey into greater Auden, and I am petrified beyond measure about stepping through the stone doors in front of me. Tanwadur says I’m old enough to start showing my face to the people I’ll someday rule, if all goes according to plan. While I know he’s right, I can’t help my reluctance. I'm hesitant about picking up the pack at my feet, much less taking any steps to go… well. Anywhere, really.
Maybe I should stay here. Considering everything waiting for me, every atrocious story I’ve heard from survivors of Harvests, maybe I should dare to stoke HIS wrath. Maybe I should dare to chance the unspoken punishments that have set me on this hated path.
“Ky!”
Jumping in place, I spin toward that voice, unable to stop myself from cracking a smile on seeing Hadrion running toward me. When he reaches me, he doesn’t hold back. He shoves my shoulder before grabbing me in the most engulfing hug I’ve had in a while.
“Were you planning on leaving without saying goodbye, asshole?” he says into my chest.
I don’t know how to respond to that. Fortunately, I don’t have to speak a single word because almost as soon as Hadrion’s done with his rebuke, he springs his head upright, fixing me with a determined look in his green eyes.
“You go be good, Ky,” he says. “Show Auden how good you are.”
And I suck in a gasp. There’s so much meaning behind that little phrase, more than anyone could ever know, and I struggle to keep back a sniffle while covering up the tears in my eye.
“I will, Had-had.”
And I had been. I… had been…
Asleep-
I become aware of my surroundings halfway through a dream
it had to be a dream, couldn’t be anything else, but my mind wasn’t giving me more than a second to
see myself surrounded by enemies
no, that wasn’t right. Go back. Try again
and see myself surrounded by friends. I love these people, even if I don’t know-did know-don’t know who they are.
One by one, they fall away. One to fever. One to a wound that should have been mine. One to the black vines under his skin and my blade when I learn about how he’s hidden them from me.
The last of them stands with me and promises everything will be ok, but he takes my brother-my brother-MY BROTHER and when he returns, that brother isn’t with him
I knew how this dream was going to end, but I couldn’t reach it yet. Must go through the middle, must start from the beginni-
I’m surrounded by friends who fall to the ground, dead, and I watch them die-again-for the first time with said time slowing down around us, letting me see them breathe their last in agonizingly dripping-by seconds. My brother has gone with the last one alive, but when that friend returns, my brother is nowhere to be seen.
An Enforcer leerily smiles at me, making my heart jump in my chest, and I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe I can’t breathe
woke for a moment to find myself slumped in the cart’s seat with sweat slicked over my
she lifts my brother’s body up by the head so I can see the slit carved in a gaping smile under his chin, the force of her grip tearing it open wider, and I charge her, meaning to take her head, but she’s meaty mash beneath my feet, and Tanwadur-my father-the bastard who raised me is standing nearby with his arms crossed and a smug smile on his lips.
“That was well done, Ky,” he says before those lips twist into something that punches terror through my limbs. “Let me reward you for your good work.”
And I run for once, not frozen solid, not closing my eyes and waiting for it to be later in the day. I run and run and
I was still running, pushing the horses faster, hearing the cart jangling behind me. Alouin, I needed to slow it down before an axle broke or something worse happened. What if the package I was delivering fell out of the back…?
With a manic laugh, I didn’t stop.
Chapter 33: Frozen Grief Part Two
Kylorian
I kept going until I reached a dense line of familiar trees. This was what finally stopped me, slowly. Reluctantly.
Climbing to the ground, I unhitched both horses from the cart, slapping one on the rump to get her galloping through the grass. May she find a freedom that we Audish would never have.
For the second horse, I secured her before trudging to the back of the cart. I carefully pulled my burden into my arms, never looking at it, and returned to the horse so I could secure this bundle across her back, behind the saddle. When I climbed in front of it, the creak of the saddle’s leather was loud in the unnatural silence, found even on the edge of the-
Cerrin Forest is always beautiful at this time of day. The midafternoon sun trickles through the leaves of its wide canopy, turning the air beneath it golden, and everything here smells so CLEAN. No smoke from a neighbor’s fire. No stale ale drifting off of someone I pass on the street. Just air and damp wood all around me and the faint tinge of some flower that I can’t see.
How I wish I could stay here forever, living in this quiet corner of the world.
Today, I’m out here for a reason. Hadrion ran off again last night, sneaking away in the dark, and I have to find him before Tanwadur or Eliade find out. Ren’s helping me, starting her search on the other side of Tiro, so hopefully, we can get this done on time.
I understand why the kid keeps doing this. In some ways, I’m even envious of him for having the courage to try it, but for him specifically, running away isn’t helpful or healthy. Hadrion has nothing to fear from us, the people who want to give him a home, but considering how much his previous home threatened his life on a daily basis, it makes sense that he’d want to get away from it as often as possible.
I find him quickly, thank Alouin, but who I find him with? That has me unsheathing my sword, already working through ways to get the kid away from the Kiraak at his side. I have to do that before said monster can hurt my little brother worse than he’s already been harmed.
It comes as a great surprise, then, when Hadrion jumps in front of the Kiraak with his arms spread wide.
“Don’t, Ky!” he says. “They weren’t hurting me, just asking for help. I want to give it to them.”
Help… a Kiraak?
“Hadrion, get out of the way,” I say, barely keeping annoyance out of my voice. “With everything you’ve experienced, you have to know that Kiraak are an abomination-”
“But they’re not!” Hadrion says.
When I narrow my eyes at him, he lowers his arms with his hands curling into fists and- and STOMPS THE GROUND, like a little kid. He IS a little kid, but… still.
“They’re not monsters!” he says. “They are as human as you or me, but unlike us, they must fight against something evil for their whole lives, something they never asked to bear. Plus, this one’s newly turned, Ky! They still have a LOT of time before Corruption makes them mean. Trust me. Like you said, I have experience with this.”
Damn, he’s not going to let this go. There’s too much passion in him, and I… I have to return him to Tiro as quickly as possible.
Lowering my sword, I spread my other arm toward my brother.
“Fine. I’ll leave them alone,” I say, “but you have to come home with me. Right now.”
Hadrion crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at me.
“You have to promise,” he says. “Promise that you won’t hurt this Kiraak and that I can come back to help them if I want to.”
Seriously? He wants to help one of the enemy?
But then, what’s the harm in that? It’s only one Kiraak, and it hasn’t discovered Tiro’s existence. Plus, if I’m lucky, one of my scouts will come across it and kill it for me. That way, I can keep my promise and still do my job.
“I promise,” I say
Before Hadrion can get too excited, I lift a finger.
“But! You have to bring me with you whenever you come out here. Ok? Let me keep an eye on you for my own peace of mind.”
With a beaming grin, Hadrion says, “Ok!”
He turns around to reassure the Kiraak behind him, letting me get my first good look at it. Hadrion was right. The spread of Corruption across this one’s body has barely begun, only peeking out from a couple of infestations across its skin.
And its arm is broken. Presumably, that’s what it needs help with, which is good. It means the Kiraak won’t have a reason to stick around for long.
I keep an eye on it while Hadrion hurries to me, only looking away once we’re far from it, and as soon as I’ve gotten the kid distracted by something else, I go right back to that spot.
When the Kiraak sees me coming, it chuckles under its breath.
“So, you’ll break your promise after all, huh?” it says.
I don’t want to speak to this creature, soon to become an instrument of suffering and death, but unfortunately, Hadrion has made that unenviable task unavoidable for me.
“No, I won’t do that,” I say. “The kid you spoke to? He barely trusts me and my family. I won’t break that trust over something as meaningless as you.”
The Kiraak flinches, looking away, and I take a moment to determine how much of a threat it might be if it attacks. It certainly looks muscular enough, but at the same time, its body is smaller than average. I’m not sure what to do with that information, as it could be either good or bad for me.
“Why are you here?” I eventually ask. “Did Enforcer Teron send you out to find rebels, like he usually does?”
Glancing back toward me, the Kiraak snorts.
“No,” it says. “I hardly expect you to believe me about this, but I’m still unbound. Got away from the transport that was taking me to the Enforcer I was assigned to.”
It’s right. I don’t believe that for a single second, but in the end, I suppose that doesn’t matter. Shrugging, I throw a bundled bag its way.
“Some supplies. They should get you through to tomorrow, at least,” I say. “You can stick around for as long as it takes you to heal up because that’s what I promised my brother, but rest assured. As soon as that period’s over, I expect you to leave this place. Find your refuge somewhere else.”
Nodding, the Kiraak slowly crouches to gather the bag to it.
“I expected as much as soon as you ran across me and Hadrion talking,” it says. “Don’t you worry. I don’t want to be anywhere near people who want me dead.”
Good. That’s settled, then.
I spin on my heel, meaning to head home, before pausing. If I’ll be interacting with this Kiraak while it heals, I should figure out what to call it.
“What’s your name?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder.
The Kiraak stops digging through the bag to look up at me with scrunched eyebrows.
“Ivelais,” it slowly says.
Good enough for me. Without another word, I leave it there.
I wondered what Ivelais would think of what had happened. Would they grieve for a dead friend? Would they even care? The last time I’d seen them, the Corruption under their skin had spread, but it hadn’t gone far. They might have enough of their conscience to remember their emotional connections. Maybe I should find them to see how they’d react to the news, if I had time.
Softly laughing, I shook my head. Like that was ever going to happen.
At my side, a flash of cloth resolved into one of Tiro’s scouts, landing from a drop out of a tree.
“Kylorian?” they said.
I didn’t reply, besides nodding. I didn’t have the energy for social interactions, not with the one I’d have to endure in the next hour hovering over my head.
The scout didn’t seem to need more than an acknowledgment, though. Like the shadow they were supposed to be, they quickly vanished into the underbrush around us, and I was returned to thoughts of an unexpected ally and perhaps informing them that my brother is dead.
Again, the hurricane in my mind, still whirling as strong as ever, hurled that thought out into the void of my subconscious.
It had taken me a while, but I’d figured out why this problem in my head wasn’t concerning me as much as it should. I’d experienced it in the past, shortly before Tanwadur had brought me to Tiro, and I’d seen it in-
The new boy is staying in my room until we figure out what to do with him, and I’d be fine with this—ecstatic for the distraction he brings, actually—if it weren’t for how corpse-like he’s been. For the last half mark, I’ve been stuck in my room, trying to get through the book Tanwadur wants me to read, but I keep getting distracted. Instead of doing what I’ve been told, I’ve mostly ended up watching the new kid as he stares through our room’s window at the sky outside.
I don’t know what to do about it. After Tanwadur and I brought him home, Eliade asked me to look after him, and I don’t want to disappoint her. But how am I supposed to look after someone like him? He hasn’t spoken a word since Tanwadur and I found him, barely eats the food we give him, and won’t focus for long enough to do even the simplest of tasks.
He… he reminds me of me. Me when I first got here. Ren wasn’t as bad as this when she first came home but me? From what others have said, I gather that I was as nonresponsive as this kid for almost two months.
What drew me out of that catatonic state?
Snapping the book closed, I throw my legs over the side of my bed.
“Hey, kid! Get your shoes on for me, yeah?” I say. “We’re going for a walk.”
I make sure to plop said shoes beside the kid, and slowly, he looks at them before doing as I asked as mechanically as possible. Soon enough, though, I’m leading him outside and down Tiro’s streets.
After he falls behind a few times, I gently take his hand, making sure he stays with me, and that contact draws a first spark from him. He sharply glances at me before fixing his eyes on where I’m holding him, and that doesn’t change for the entire walk to where Tiro’s scouts meet every day.
Inside, I catch Ren’s eye, where she’s glancing over the scouts’ stored weapons.
“I need you,” I say. “Got a minute?”
She opens her mouth, probably to complain about how busy she is, before spying the kid behind me. That softens her features almost immediately, and she sighs.
“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
Together, she and I lead the kid through a busy marketplace, across the fields in the city’s center, and down a few abandoned alleys until we reach the entrance to our hidey-hole. Once inside, I flop to the ground, like always, but Ren spins on the kid, spreading her arms.
“Welcome,” she dramatically whispers, “to the best spot in Tiro.”
The kid’s frozen, probably because of Ren’s sudden movement, and sighing, I tug on her leggings.
“Sit down,” I scold. “You need to make some room so our little brother can get comfortable.”
While the kid rapidly blinks at me, Ren spins on me with her hands clasped.
“Dury said it was ok?” she asks.
Rolling my eyes, I gesture for her to sit the hell down, only answering her once she has.
“I don’t give a fuck what Dury wants or thinks, not about this,” I say. “The kid needs a family, and I say it should be us. So there.”
Ren looks skeptical, something I can’t consider, so I turn my attention back to the kid.
“You got a name?” I ask.
The kid flicks his eyes between me and Ren, shuffling between his feet. I force myself not to smile at this improvement.
Leaning over to me, Ren whispers, “Ky… I don’t think he does.”
The sorrow in her voice is only echoed in me, but I choose to grin at the kid instead of showing that.
“Oh, that’s all right,” I say. “You and I can give him a name. What do you think?”
The kid doesn’t reply, looking down at his feet instead, and after an awkward moment, Ren hums.
“How about… Hadrion?” she says. “And the two of us can call him Had-had. You know? Like that old song! ‘Oh…. if I only had, had a brother, we could upset our mother, getting in all sorts of trouble, toogeeeeetheeeer!’”
I snort at her, frankly, horrible singing, watching with no small amount of wonder as the kid’s lips curve into the smallest of grins.
“Hadrion it is!” I say. “Well? You coming in or what?”
Cautiously, the kid shuffles to a spot as far away from me and Ren as he can get. Throughout our time there, he watches the two of us talk, never moving besides the occasional twitch, but I expected that. It’ll take time to win his trust and with it, his voice.
And maybe, once we have it, he’ll speak.
Blinking, I found myself standing in the clearing outside of Tiro’s stone doors with the horse’s reins in my hand. I didn’t remember dismounting, too lost in the past and present mixing together, but it was ok. I was here now. I was… home.
Chapter 34: Frozen Grief Part Three
Kylorian
Leading the horse closer to the center of the clearing, I dropped her reins and thanked Alouin that she stayed still as I untied the bundle from behind her saddle. Once it was in my arms, I went to where sunlight was caressing the ground nearby and gently lowered… my brother into the grass.
Hesitantly, I pulled at the rope holding a blanket in place around him, flicking its corner to the side once it was free. I wrinkled my nose at the stink that hit me in the face from this, but I didn’t smell it in full, merely reaching for the other corner with a shaking hand. Once I’d pulled it free, I made myself look upon what had once been a dear friend and a loved sibling. In many ways, the hopeful light of mine and Ren’s world.
When something SLAMS into me from the side, I purposefully topple, like I was taught, and pull a knife free on standing. I can’t see much of what or who attacked me. The moonlight’s weak behind the clouds in the sky, but I’ll find the enemy and I’ll stick a knife in its…
For a moment, I can only blink at the scene I left behind. Tanwadur’s running to me with a bow in hand, cursing all the while. Our campfire, several dozen paces away, is still merrily crackling with our dinner simmering over it.
And there’s a small, filthy thing on the ground between us, snarling up at me with THE palest of faces.
Without a thought, I drop my knife, holding a hand up for Tanwadur to stay where he is. Fortunately, he follows my suggestion, for once, leaving me free to gradually approach this… this child.
This child who’s draped in several oversized pieces of the shitty armor that the Conscripted wear. Specifically, the Conscripted stationed in the Birthing Grounds.
It makes sense. Tanwadur and I passed that horrible place earlier today, taking the long way around it to avoid its patrols.
It also doesn’t make sense. Children don’t make it to the Birthing Grounds. They just… don’t, and I’ll leave that there, refusing to think about what happens to them instead. That plus this kid isn’t large or well-fed enough to have attacked, let alone defeated, the Conscripted soldiers needed to put this outfit together. His cheeks are so gaunt that in the low light, I can see shadows where they should be!
This could be an opportunity.
This is a child, one who needs help.
Both thoughts tug at my attention as I lower myself toward the ground, trying to catch the kid’s eyes.
“Hey, are you hungry?” I say. “That’s why you jumped me, right? You wanted our food.”
This changes nothing in the child. He continues to hiss at me, and I flick my eyes to Tanwadur.
When he scowls at me, I whisper, “Please. He’s just a kid. We’re supposed to be helping here, right?”
Sighing, Tanwadur throws his head back, shaking it, but he moves toward our fire, soon bringing me a portion of our food. While he stays standing at my back, I extend it to the child, and this makes him go still. Expression drops off of his face until he’s cocking his head to the side, almost as if he doesn’t know what to do with an offer of kindness, but within a few seconds, he crawls forward to snatch the food out of my hand. While he gnaws at it, I nod.
“You’re welcome at our campfire,” I say, “but you don’t have to join us, if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.”
I don’t know if he’s heard me, but still, I stand and slowly make a circle around the kid until I’m beside the fire. Given his state, it’s best to let the kid have a choice, when it comes to this. He should decide whether he wants to accept someone’s help or not, not have it thrust upon him.
I’m not sure what I’ll do if he refuses to join us. Letting a little kid like him wander around alone in these dangerous lands—especially if he’s from the Birthing grounds, as I suspect—is a terrible idea.
Fortunately, I don’t have to worry about that for long. The kid slowly pads into view, stopping at the edge of our fire’s light, before dropping to the ground. He doesn’t move, merely staring into the flames, and I let him be. Tanwadur and I can figure out what to do with him in the morning.
The CRACK of Tiro’s stone doors drew me back to the here and now, to the green tinge on my brother’s-
Lunging to the side, I pressed a hand over my mouth, barely keeping myself from throwing up, and all the while, I heard someone coming closer.
“Ky? You’re back early. What’s going-?”
Oh, no. It was Eliade.
I jerked upright in time to see my mother stop, see her eyes widen, see her fling her hands over her mouth and release a piercing scream into them. Hearing its muffled sound, I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to disappear.
Running feet preceded the thump of a body to the ground, and my mother raggedly breathed for a split second before:
“Hadrion? My baby boy? What-? Hadrion?”
She kept babbling to herself, and I made myself open my eyes and move toward my mother, wrapping my arms above where she was reaching for the body in front of us. After letting her cry for a while, I gently pulled her toward me.
“Where’s Dury?” I asked.
I needed to know this, needed to know why he hadn’t come out here with Eliade. He’d always, ever done that with his wife in the past, so why hadn’t he done it now? Why hadn’t I heard him screaming at me yet?
Shaking in my hold, Eliade said, “He’s… your father… he should be at Da’kul by now. He went there, looking for…”
She trailed off with tears filling her eyes, pulling back toward the body, and I dragged her into an embrace instead, holding her head to my shoulder. As she cried, I thanked my lucky stars that Tanwadur wasn’t here now, much as it would make a reunion with him so much harder in the future. I used consideration of that eventuality to keep myself stuck in my mind’s depths, far enough from the world that I wouldn’t feel my mother’s tears on my skin or hear her hitching sobs.
I wasn’t so deep that I missed Ren calling for us. Within a blink and a thought, I was on my feet, racing to her. I met her halfway to us, grabbing her shoulders to keep her in place.
Scowling at me, she tried to keep going, probably wanting to comfort our mother, but I didn’t let her take a single step more.
“Ky! Let me-” she said before clicking her tongue. “What’s going on?”
Oh, fuck. I hadn’t… What did I…? How did I…?
Tightening my grip on Ren, I sighed, lowering my head so I didn’t have to see her face.
“There was an accident at the Birthing Grounds,” I numbly said. “During the battle, Raimie was watching over Hadrion, but something… he couldn’t…”
I couldn’t make myself tell the whole story. Steeling myself, I glanced up at Ren, holding her gaze.
“Ren. Our brother is dead.”
But this time, those words stuck. Perhaps it was because I’d spoken them out loud. Perhaps it was because I’d seen his empty face. Perhaps it was because of the sobs at my back and the look of shock in front of me, but those words wormed through every defense I’d unconsciously raised over the last week, settling into my heart.
And I wanted to scream. I wanted to KILL SOMETHING. I wanted to do anything but let my tears out because if I started crying, I didn’t know if I’d stop.
“You… you’re lying.”
Blinking, I focused on Ren, and on seeing the look on her face, I released her. How was I supposed to keep touching her when she was looking at me like that?
“I’m… not,” I said. “I wish I was, Ren, but I’m-”
Whirling in place, she flat-out sprinted away from me, passing into Tiro within a minute. I was left staring because… what the hell? What was I supposed to do now?
“Mom…” I breathed.
I had to go after her, but I had to stay, but I had to go after her!
“She- needs- you- Ky,” Eliade gasped between her sobs.
And I was freed. I ran into the city, intent on finding Ren and helping her however I could.
Chapter 35: Unexpected Guests
Raimie
As Nylion fuzzed over, I started asking, What are you talking—"
“—about?” I sleepily finished.
I blinked at the vague outline of Oswin, hovering over me, until he retreated.
“I’m sorry to wake you, sir,” he said, “but I’ve stumbled into one of those times of dire consequence that you mentioned.”
Removing his hand from my shoulder, the spy gave me space, and after swinging my legs over the bedside, I stretched.
“What’s the problem?” I said. “And how long have I slept?”
“It’s morning, sir. You got a full night’s rest for once, which is the good news I suppose.”
Falling silent, Oswin grimaced with one eye closing, which was not… good.
“What’s the bad news?” I asked.
“An unknown army gathered on the ridge overnight,” Oswin said, “and my scouts aren’t sure if it’s friendly.”
Any sleep that had been clinging to me vanished, and I was on my feet before I’d registered it.
“You’re only waking me up now?” I said, reaching for Silverblade.
“Marcuset didn’t think it was wise to wake you up until we were sure we needed you. As a commander, he can handle a hostile army by himself,” Oswin said. “When said army sends an envoy to initiate negotiations, though, is when he wakes up his king.”
Pausing in my rush out the door, I said, “Negotiations?”
Holding my arms out to either side, I looked down at my uniform’s stiff, blood-soaked state. Given that, I could only imagine how the rest of me looked.
“Gods damnit. I’m a mess,” I whispered. “I can’t meet an envoy like this.”
“It’s a good thing I brought you a change of clothes, then,” Oswin said.
He gestured to a uniform, lying on my cot.
“You can sponge off the dirt and grime at a wash basin, but I agree that we can’t do much about your face. Those elephant ears!”
Glaring at Oswin, I growled, “Get out of here so I can change.”
With an elaborate bow and a teasing grin, Oswin backed into the hallway.
No matter how much my mind was urging me to rush into my next task, I made myself take a moment to absorb everything that had happened in the last ten minutes. Learning of yet another threat on my life and to my people wasn’t as much of a stressor as it should have been. It seemed I’d gotten used to that, which was… a little sad, honestly.
But fighting with Nylion? That had never happened before, not that I could remember at least. I wasn’t even sure if we were fighting, but that conversation we’d had in our shared dream space… gods. I didn’t know how to feel about it.
I hadn’t thought I’d been avoiding my other half. In fact, I was sure I hadn’t been, but… he was right that I’d been ignoring his feelings about certain things. Over the winter, I’d change the subject every time he’d reminded me about our memories or the fact that I needed to learn a new skill. I hadn’t been doing it intentionally! But still, it had happened.
Why had I been avoiding these things?
In the end, I guessed the ‘why’ didn’t matter. That problem had an easy fix, something I could handle the next time I slept.
So, I focused on the threat that had once more cropped up in the real world for now.
Taking off my ruined uniform brought me more relief than I’d expected. Too busy and exhausted to change since the battle, I’d almost forgotten whose blood had been stiffening this fabric. At that reminder, the dried, brown remnants leaving a crust on my skin left me trembling, and ignoring the host of scars across my chest and stomach, revealed by my lack of clothing, I hurried to swipe water over my body, even if its icy chill drew a hiss from me. With my teeth chattering, I donned yet another emblem-less uniform, reveling in its warmth, before retrieving Silverblade.
“How do I look?” I asked after calling Oswin inside.
He squinted at me for a moment.
“Decent,” he eventually pronounced. “May I?”
When he vaguely waved at my face, I nodded, and he used a knife to scrape stubble off of my face. He also trimmed my hair, although he left the strands hanging around my temple alone. Maybe he was hoping they’d disguise my ears or something.
Once he was done, Oswin stepped back, making an appreciative sound.
“That good, huh?” I said.
“You actually look… reputable, sir,” Oswin said.
I might have taken that as a compliment if he hadn’t sounded so surprised while saying it.
“Thanks…” I said, rolling my eyes. “Let’s see what this envoy wants, yes?”
We headed out.
Oswin must have chosen the cave I’d slept in because of how close it was to the stairs I’d created yesterday. If, by some harrowing happenstance, we needed to flee the Birthing Grounds, there would be an escape route easily within reach. I could appreciate his logic, no matter how typical it might be for a bodyguard like him.
When we reached them, I stopped at the base of the floating stairs.
With my hands on my hips and my head tilted back, I said, “I can’t believe this is still here.”
Hovering on the edge of my vision, Dim rolled their eyes.
“Did you think I was lying to you last week?” they said. “This will stick around, so long as you want it to. My whole wouldn’t give up a means of access to the physical plane so easily.”
Of course it wouldn’t.
I know that, I said, but it’s one thing to hear how long Daevetch can last here and another to see it in action.
Clicking their tongue, Dim said, “I’m getting real sick of people assuming I’m lying to them, just because my whole is associated with Deception.”
Snorting, I started up the stairs.
I’d have had the same doubts, even if Bright had been the one to tell me about this, I said.
“What?” Bright snapped, which only makes Dim snicker. “What possible reason could you have to trust them as much as you do me?”
Well… I said, while I’m grateful for everything you two have done for me, including all the times you’ve saved my life, and I actually LIKE you, which is strange to think about, that doesn’t change the fact that you both still want something from me. Something I don’t know about. I know that’s not your fault, and I don’t blame you for it, but sometimes, this unknown makes it hard to trust you.
I shrugged, even as I winced inside. Telling other people, especially the ones I liked, about difficult things always felt horrible, like I’d somehow violated all that was good in our relationship. Still, this was how I felt when around Bright and Dim. Keeping that to myself wouldn’t help things between us.
While the two of them considered what I’d said, I forced myself to find another distraction from the growing distance between me and the ground. Normally, heights thrilled me, making me feel free in a way nothing else could, but right now, I was trusting my control of Daevetch to keep from plummeting to a bone-shattering death. I’d much rather have something sturdy, like tree branches or a roof, under my feet.
So, when Dim started up with a horrid mixture of coughing and gagging to my left, I stopped short, certain that my Daevetch source was about to disappear on me. Behind me, Oswin tripped over his feet, which had me wincing, but I forgot about that on catching sight of my splinters.
Both Bright and Dim were floating in the air beside the stairs, but Dim had hunched over on themselves with their hands on their knees. With an almost fond expression on their face, Bright was patting their back.
“I could have told you that would happen,” they said.
And what, exactly, happened? I said.
Had Dim somehow been hurt? If they had, how did I keep them away from whatever had hurt them in the future?
Waving at me, the Daevetch splinter hoarsely said, “Please, stop worrying. I was only trying to tell you about… that thing you mentioned before, but once again, I failed. Can’t believe I’m about to say this, but fuck my whole for restraining me like this. Damn, that was idiotic. I don’t know why I thought this time would be any different.”
Oh.
Sighing, I shook my head before continuing up the stairs.
I’ve told you before. I don’t want you to hurt yourselves when trying to share this, I said. I never said that I don’t trust you AT ALL, only that I don’t FULLY trust you, and that’s not a bad place to be with me. I only trust one person fully, and that trust only exists because I consciously chose to trust him in that way.
“Rhylix,” Dim darkly muttered.
Yes, Rhylix, I said, rolling my eyes. Dim, you should get used to him being around. I’ll be working with him for A WHILE, and I’m hoping he’ll stick around after Doldimar’s defeated this time.
Making a face, Dim mouthed several curses while Bright somehow managed to laugh and sob at the same time.
“It would be nice if the backlash didn’t take him this time,” they said.
Backlash? What’s-?
“Sir, I’d suggest finishing your conversation with your invisible splinters at another time,” Oswin said. “I doubt your soldiers would take kindly to their king, absently waving at thin air.”
Oh gods, he was right. Much as I refused to be ashamed for my primeancy, it was still best to limit any displays of what other people might consider unstable behavior.
“Thanks for the warning,” I said.
With a half-smile, Oswin said, “It was no problem. Maybe focus on our surroundings, though?”
Right. I should do that.
As I climbed off the last step and onto the cliff’s edge, I bit back a gasp at the sheer volume of people spread before me. The unknown army had set up their camp a good distance away from my soldiers, but still, their number was vast, enough to swallow everyone who was under my command.
Numbers by themselves wouldn’t have concerned me too much—skill counted in a fight, after all—but the orderly manner that the other army had arrayed their camp in spoke to deeply ingrained discipline, something that only some of my soldiers could claim. Granted, that was still a significant portion of them, but nothing compared to what I was seeing here.
Gods. How had I not heard about an army like this approaching Auden yet? I’d thought that was what my Hand was for. Given, their spymaster and I had been in unusual circumstances for the last week… but still.
Spotting Marcuset, I trotted to join him and the stranger at his side.
“Please, forgive my delay,” I said as I approached. “I came as soon as I could.”
Facing me, the stranger in our midst smiled.
“You must be King Raimie. Please. There’s no need for any apologies, Your Majesty,” he said. “From what your commander has told me, I gather that your recent days have been extraordinarily busy. I can understand why you might need time to present yourself. If we can get started now, however, I’d introduce myself. Merlaro, at your service.”
As the man bowed, I couldn’t stop one corner of my mouth from rising in an awkward smile.
“Raimie, like you guessed, and I’m grateful for your patience,” I said. “How can I help you, Merlaro?”
“I’m not worthy to speak of my monarch’s desires,” Merlaro said, “save that my liege would like to speak with you. Privately.”
Shifting beside me, Marcuset said under his breath, “That’s a bad idea, Your Majesty. If I were to guess, this leader of theirs most likely wants you out of the picture so that the unease of your loss can wreak havoc in our ranks.”
That seemed like an obvious possibility. Still.
“I’d love to meet your leader,” I said, ignoring when Marcuset groaned. “I fear, however, that you’ll have a hard time separating me from Oswin. He’s tasked with keeping me safe.”
Inclining his head, Merlaro said, “I doubt my liege would mind one bodyguard’s presence.”
How… reasonable of them.
“Then, where am I to meet… him?” I asked.
It was a bit presumptuous to assume this envoy’s leader was a man, I knew, but if I had to take a stab at their gender, our world’s polite mode of address insisted on me choosing male pronouns.
…Maybe that was something I could change someday, assuming I ever got a chance at doing something like that, of course.
With a crooked smile, Merlaro said, “My liege requests that the two of you first meet in our camp, but you wouldn’t stay there for long. It’s simply a precaution. We’ve heard a few worrying stories about you, Your Majesty.”
They had? What sort of stories about me could worry someone else? Had I done something worthy of a reaction like that?
“What about the danger to our king?” Marcuset snapped.
Merlaro turned his smile, now bland, on the commander.
“I assure you that King Raimie has nothing to fear from my liege,” he said.
Ugh. I still hated those two words combined but… whatever. Focusing now.
Given the conversation we were having, I knew Merlaro had said only what he must, and it wasn’t like I had a choice about how I could respond to those words. Gods, Marcuset was not helping me make this go smoothly.
Glaring at him, I said, “I’m more than happy to accommodate your leader. Please, take me to him.”
“As you say.”
Merlaro turned to make the return hike into a conglomeration of foreign tents, but before I could follow him, Marcuset caught my arm.
“This is a bad idea,” he whispered. “We don’t know who these people are or what they want. For all we know, this army could be associated with Doldimar.”
Had- had Marcuset seriously grabbed me, like I was some sort of child?
With a tight grin, I said, “Let me go.”
The commander must have heard something in my tone because he near instantly snatched his hand to his chest.
Once he had, I continued, “I’m well aware that this may be a trap, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to antagonize anyone in this army, especially when they have the numbers to crush us. I’ll do what their leader wants until they show signs of hostility, if they show such signs at all, and on the off chance that happens, I’m pretty sure I can get out. Maybe. In the meantime, get our people ready for an attack, just in case.”
Marcuset bit his lip, but after a pause, he reluctantly saluted.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.
I barely restrained an eye roll before jogging to catch up with Merlaro.
As soon as Oswin and I broke through the first line of the foreign army’s tents, my sense of unease ballooned, which had me resting one hand on my weapon’s hilt. The hostility directed our way seemed as strong as a tidal wave, and against it, I had a hard time striding behind Merlaro with what I could only hope was a monarch’s proper carriage.
I only noticed these people’s uniforms once we were past the point of no return. Sprinkled among those wearing armor, several of these soldiers sported clothing quite similar to what I was wearing, but rather than short-sleeve tunics, these people had jackets with waistlines that fell below their hips. Still. In style, detail, and essence, their attire looked the same.
“Oswin…” I said under my breath, “are those what I think they are?”
“Quite possibly, sir.”
A loud pop followed the spy’s grudging admission, and on hearing it, the world snapped into crisp clarity for me with my grip on my sword’s hilt tightening. With those bursts of noise growing louder as we came closer, Merlaro brought us to the edge of the forest, and when we rounded a last tent, I was hit with a wave of déjà vu.
A chestnut-haired woman was aiming her pistol at a tree, squeezing the trigger as we came into view. Sprays of wood showered off of that tree’s helpless trunk, making the woman smirk, and on seeing us, she handed off the weapon, gliding our way.
“Your Majesty,” she said, nodding to me.
“Queen Kaedesa,” I said with a short bow.
“Looks like you were right, sir,” Oswin said under his breath. “She did come across the sea for us.”
Oh, thanks ever so much for that. I was trying very hard not to think about that fact right now, barely able to remember that this would be a meeting between highly ranked people instead.
Or it was supposed to be, at least. We’d see if Kaedesa conformed to that expectation.
Chapter 36: A Proposition
Raimie
Turning on Oswin, Queen Kaedesa grinned at him with an almost feral edge to it.
“Middle! How good to see you!” she said. “You had me worried when you disappeared from my court without warning.”
Bowing, Oswin said, “Your Majesty.”
And nothing more.
“Still reticent as ever, I see,” Kaedesa said with a chuckle before turning to me, “but from what I understand, Raimie, the tale you told me so many months ago wasn’t merely a delusion.”
“Or at least, enough people believe his story to form an army around him.”
A pinch-lipped man joined the group, never ceasing his glare at me, and while I could tell she tried to restrain it, Kaedesa still grimaced at his words.
“Ah, yes. This is Pierdriel, my… advisor,” she said. “He’s here as an observer for Ada’ir’s nobility.”
Oh, shit. They’d forced a watcher on her? When I’d fled from Daira last year, how much trouble had I left Kaedesa in?
“…It’s nice to meet you,” I stiffly said.
That was all I could allow myself when it came to Pierdriel. As soon as I could, I focused my attention back on Kaedesa.
“If I may, why are you here?” I asked. “You’re a long way from home, Queen of Ada’ir.”
Before Kaedesa could answer me, Pierdriel snapped, “Do you mean to ask why, besides the fact that you stole so many resources from us?”
Ah, yes. I’d hoped we could go for a little longer before getting into that subject, but I supposed that had been a pipe dream.
“Forgive me, Pier, but have I suddenly lost the ability to speak for myself?” Kaedesa said in an acid tone. “Because otherwise, I believe an advisor’s role is to keep quiet until I ask for advice.”
“Your Majesty, I wasn’t trying to-” Pierdriel started.
“But you did, didn’t you?” Kaedesa snapped. “As I’ve said, you can kindly keep your mouth shut, or do you know what might be better? If these two monarchs could have a nice, private chat together.”
Folding her hands in front of her, she smiled at me.
“What do you think, Raimie?” she said. “Will you join me on a stroll through the woods?”
I forced myself not to smile back. Gods, I’d forgotten how absolutely fiery and assured of herself this woman could be. My stomach might be churning when considering why Kaedesa was probably here, but I had to admit that it was nice to see her again. I opened my mouth to reply, but again, the advisor interrupted us.
“Your Majesty, please! You can’t! Think of the scandal that might come from you spending time alone with... him," he said. "And what if the rumors are true? What if he is a primeancer?”
Ok. That was enough.
“Oh, the rumors are true,” I mildly said, “but I have no intention of hurting your queen, whether with primeancy or anything else. Besides, if I’m remembering correctly, I had several private meetings with Her Majesty while I was a guest in your fine capital, and from what I saw during them, she is more than capable of defending herself.”
That left Pierdriel sputtering, which gave me no small amount of pleasure.
“You see, Pier? Nothing to fear,” Kaedesa said. “Shall we?”
She held out her elbow for me, but I paused before taking it.
“Oswin, can you please stay here with the honored advisor?” I said. “You know I can take care of myself for the time it will take to finish one short conversation.”
Stiff as a statue, Oswin said, “That’s true, sir, but to ease a dutiful bodyguard’s mind, would the two of you please stay mostly within eyesight? I know you may need complete privacy at times, but please, let me keep my eyes on you for the most part. I hope that’s not too much to ask.”
It really wasn’t.
As Kaedesa dipped her head in acceptance before once more retrieving her pistol, I squeezed Oswin’s arm.
“Everything will be fine,” I whispered.
Taking a deep breath, Oswin nodded.
“Be careful, sir.”
Smirking, I said, “I always am.”
“Well, that’s a blatant lie,” Oswin said.
But he laughed.
“Coming?” Kaedesa called from the edge of the forest.
“Of course, Your Majesty!” I said.
And we headed into the foliage around us. As I trailed behind Kaedesa, I ran through a host of reasons for what I’d done in Daira. I could only imagine the position I’d put this woman in when I’d fled from her. She’d encouraged that flight, of course, but on top of escaping something that others might have considered an iron-clad imprisonment, I’d taken what had amounted to one-fifth of her armed forces with me as well. What had that theft done to her standing with both rival kingdoms and the constantly rebellious nobles in her own realm?
When her army’s camp disappeared behind a mass of twigs and leaves, Kaedesa rounded on me, and I braced for whatever punishment she was sure to rain down on me, the one I so thoroughly deserved. So, when she wrapped me in a hug, surprise froze me solid, almost concealing a surge of bubbling panic and nausea.
“Thank Alouin you’re all right,” Kaedesa said.
But then, she withdrew, and while she kept her hands on my arms, her retreat took my panic with it.
“I heard you began the ocean crossing with a bearing that would take you right beside the Accession Tear,” Kaedesa said. “I was afraid its storms might have ripped my ships to flotsam.”
I was… so confused.
Cocking my head, I said, “You’re not angry with me? I thought for sure that after what I did-”
“Oh, I assumed that taking so many of my soldiers with you was Commander Marcuset’s idea, not yours. He’s always been a conniving bastard,” Kaedesa said while wrinkling her nose. “You should make sure he’s nowhere near me for a while, by the way. If I see him, I might tear him limb from limb.”
What a terrifying image.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
What was happening? Kaedesa should be attacking me or screaming or throwing punches or… I didn’t know, pouring some form of caustic acid, whether in the form of words or not, on me. She shouldn’t be… this. Whatever this was.
“Why aren’t you angry?” I said. “After what my people did to weaken Ada’ir, you should have ordered your army to attack mine the moment we stumbled across one another.”
Laughing, Kaedesa said, “I’m sure my court would love it if I decided to fight you, but just this once, I’m not going to sate their lust for battle. Bloodthirsty bastards, all of them.”
Shaking her head, she pursed her lips.
“Honestly, you did me a favor. Without any recent rebellions to trim the fat, Ada’ir’s standing army had been getting bloated and unwieldy. The mass defection of the Audish loyalists within it both lowered its size to a more reasonable one and showed me exactly which of my soldiers serve only me.”
Ok. That explained why she seemed almost happy to see me, which was…strange. I could let myself believe I was safe. Even as I started to relax, though, I felt compelled to voice my other worries, no matter that doing so wouldn’t help me or my people.
“That may be the case, but Ada’ir surely invested time and coin into the soldiers and ships I took with me,” I said. “How can I repay that debt?”
With an indulgent smile, Kaedesa said, “I’ll get to that soon. We have two other matters to address before then. Two gifts, of a sort. The first of those: I should return something that I stole from you.”
Unhooking something hidden within her voluminous skirt’s folds, she offered a sword to me, and taking one look at it, I started backing away.
“Oh, no,” I said, lifting a hand. “You can keep that thing.”
Which had Bright and Dim popping into the center of my view.
“Are you mad?” Bright shouted.
At the same time, Dim growled, “You idiot!”
And all the while, Kaedesa asked, “Why would I do that?”
Pressing a hand to my temple, I squeezed my eyes closed.
“Give… me a moment, please,” I managed to get out.
Turning on the splinters, I said, Why do you two start talking at the most inconvenient times?
“Because sometimes, you do incredibly stupid things,” Dim snapped, “and we have to stop that.”
You think it’s stupid for me to refuse Shadowsteal? I said. It’s caused so much trouble in my life, and if that’s not enough, I can never predict what will happen when I touch the damn thing. Besides, I already have a perfectly good sword.
I patted Silverblade, hanging at my side.
“That may be so,” Bright said, “but is that sword tied to your foretelling? Can it eliminate a-?”
“What are you doing?” Kaedesa asked.
On turning to her, I winced to see her still offering me Shadowsteal.
“I’m having a silent conversation. Please, don’t worry about it,” I said before sighing. “Thank you for returning my family’s property, truly, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to touch that sword. Do you remember what happened the last time I did that?”
“You handily defeated my palace guard in a few heartbeats, moving faster than I’d have thought a human could go,” Kaedesa said.
Pausing, she looked down at the sword in her hands.
“Perhaps you’re right,” she said.
When she hid the sword in her skirt again, Bright and Dim groaned, and despite how annoying I might find it now, it would be best to make sure those two were at least a little appeased.
“Maybe another member of my family could take it for now. Someone it won’t react to,” I said. “You should give it to my grandfather. I’m sure its return would overjoy him.”
Shrugging, Kaedesa said, “It’s your sword. I’ll do whatever you want with it.”
“Then, that’s settled,” I said before turning my focus to Bright and Dim.
Happy?
“No,” Bright grumbled.
“But giving it to Eledis is better than leaving it with the forgetful one,” Dim added.
They faded into the background, and I mentally rolled my eyes at them. So dramatic at times.
“And the second… gift?” I hesitantly asked.
I wasn’t comfortable with how long we were taking to address my concerns.
With a grin, Kaedesa held out a folded sheet of paper.
“A letter from a friend,” she said.
On taking it, I briefly scanned the message within, wanting to take a closer look once Kaedesa and I had gone our separate ways. I was glad for that caution on reaching the signature at the end.
Shooting my head up, I said, “Dath?”
How did she know my left-behind friend?
Fortunately, Kaedesa seemed to know what I was really asking.
“He’s been an excellent addition to my palace guard. Came highly recommended by one of my new contacts in Sev,” she said. “Once it’s less... barbaric here, I mean to bring him with me when I visit you in Auden.”
This gift took my breath away, if only for a moment. Dath was safe and employed, able to live a comfortable life in Ada’ir. I’d been wondering if he’d find the means to do so, but the position he’d gained was so much better than any of my meager hopes for him.
And Kaedesa was offering safe and ready transport for him to visit me in Auden. It was yet another thing added to the list of things I owed her for.
Before I could open my mouth to thank her, Kaedesa stepped into my shocked silence.
“With that bit of business concluded, shall we discuss how you’ll pay back your debt to me?” she asked.
It seemed she wanted to move on quickly, then. She’d picked the perfect opportunity to return to this subject, off-balance as I now found myself.
Dreading what might be coming, I said, “If that’s what you want, Your Majesty.”
Which had Kaedesa making a face.
“Stop that!” she said. “From what I hear, you’re a king in your own right, and so, there’s no need for deference between us. Call me by my name.”
Fuck, how had I forgotten about that part of my etiquette lessons? Not that I particularly wanted to follow this social rule.
“As you like… Kaedesa,” I made myself say. “What can I, with my meager resources, give you in exchange for the crimes I’ve committed against Ada’ir?”
With a wicked smile, Kaedesa said, “Hmm. What should I ask for? What could possibly make up for my loss? After all, according to you, all that’s yours is mine for the taking.”
Oh, hell. Why had I reminded this woman of everything I’d done to her again?
Given that, I was more than a little relieved when Kaedesa’s evil grin softened.
“Fortunately for you, I’ve already settled on a relatively insignificant price,” she said.
Oh, thank Alouin.
“What is it?” I asked.
Kaedesa took a deep breath before meeting my eyes.
“I want a position at your side, King of Auden, making an alliance between our nations. To that end, I propose that you make me your queen,” Kaedesa said. “It’s simple, Raimie. If you want to repay Ada’ir, you’ll marry me.”
Rapidly blinking, I choked on a laugh with the noise of it so loud that an animal, hidden in the brush, scampered away from us. She wanted what from me?
“I’m sorry. I- I must have misheard you,” I coughed. “Are you asking to be my wife?”
Cocking her head, Kaedesa said, “Is that such an unusual request between monarchs? Marriage alliances are commonplace among the world’s kingdoms, are they not?”
Backing away, I lifted my hands in protest.
“I wouldn’t know!” I squeaked. “I wasn’t exactly trained for this job. It fell into my lap. You don’t remember how amusing you found my lack of court etiquette while I was your prisoner?”
Kaedesa hummed with a fond smile.
“I’d forgotten about that, but it certainly sounds like something I’d enjoy,” she said. “I assure you, however, that such arrangements are mundane in the world of kings and queens.
“Would marrying me be so distasteful? I’ve already helped you by capturing a port city along this land’s coastline. I could give it to you as part of a wedding dowry, if you require such a thing. I can also finance your war effort, and once you’ve cast off Doldimar’s tyranny, my experience in statecraft could be invaluable while you’re establishing your kingdom. I know I don’t bring much to the table physically, what with being a widow and all, but-”
“What? Why would I care about-? No, that’s not the issue,” I said, still flustered all to hell. “You’re beautiful Kaedesa. Anyone would be lucky to have you: looks, experience, and all. It’s just that…”
How was I supposed to tell a powerful queen that all I could think about right now was Ren and how this proposition might distress her? Why was that the only thing I could think about right now?
“I understand that you’ll need time to think it over,” Kaedesa said. “I don’t expect an answer right away, and while you make up your mind, my people will stay in Auden to help you.”
Why would she…?
“Won’t your soldiers be upset about working with 'traitors'?” I said.
“Yet another reason to accept my offer,” Kaedesa said with a grin. “If we’re to be wed, I can claim that the troops and supplies you ‘stole’ were sent with my blessing, to help my future husband with his endeavor.”
Good gods, why was she doing this? I didn’t need more logical reasons for marrying Kaedesa. If I thought about it, I knew doing that would be beneficial for my big family of soldiers, just as I knew it was probably the right step but… but Ren. Why did I also know that dropping this problem in her lap would be an issue? Gods, especially after her brother had died.
As a conjured image of Hadrion’s slack face came into view, it walloped me, right in the gut, and I couldn’t be here anymore. I needed to get away.
Tightly, I said, “I’ll carefully consider your proposal. For now, though, may we return to your camp? Your people might be getting anxious, and we haven’t exactly kept our promise to Oswin.”
“Oh, don’t worry about him,” Kaedesa said with a laugh. “Even if we’re out of eyesight, he’s more than capable of protecting those he’s sworn to. You should bless Marcuset for making that acquisition for you.”
Even if it hadn’t been Marcuset who…?
No. Gods. I needed to go.
“I’m sure that’s true,” I said. “Still. If there’s nothing else we should address at the moment, may we return?”
With a defeated look in place, Kaedesa said, “Of course.”
I barely noticed our return to her tent. After collecting Oswin, I practically sprinted away from the queen’s camp, neglecting any polite farewells I should have made.
As we approached our camp, Oswin said, “Went that badly, did it?”
Startled, I glanced at him, wondering what he was talking about. I was still seeing Hadrion’s face in my mind’s eye, a distraction I couldn’t afford right now. I thought I’d addressed him and his… death last night, but it looked like that wasn’t the case. Instead, it had already caused me a potential issue, given how abruptly I’d left a potential enemy’s camp and…
What had Oswin been asking about?
Right. The marriage proposal. Fuck.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.
I couldn’t talk about it. If I even thought about doing so, all I saw was an imagining of Ren’s face after hearing the news about her brother, and… and… gods, I just couldn’t.
Once we were back with my people, I ignored Marcuset’s call for me, nearly tripping in my haste to get into the Birthing Grounds again.
“How soon before I can return to Tiro?” I asked.
With Hadrion and Kaedesa and potential marriage and- and everything, I needed to see Ren. I needed her help if I was to get anywhere near a calm state again, and she wasn’t here.
“Ah… I believe the only task that requires your specialty is finishing with the Kiraak,” Oswin said. “The others can handle the rest.”
Ignoring his concerned look, I said, “Great. I’ll start where I left off yesterday, then.”
So, once in the Birthing Grounds’ pit, I did just that. I cleansed the Kiraak of Corruption well past when the sun had descended below the horizon. In my haste to be done with this, I abandoned the slow and safe process that I preferred, and because of that, screams disturbed the Birthing Grounds throughout the first half of the night.
When the last of the Kiraak had slumped into unconsciousness, I flung Corruption away from me with disgust, and as it left me, Daevetch burned through my every vein, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Good gods, it hurt!
I wobbled in place for a moment before my stomach lurched, protesting everything I’d done to stress myself over the last day, and when I collapsed, Oswin’s worried face intruded into my rapidly narrowing field of view. His mouth began soundlessly moving before the world went black.
Chapter 37: Restoring Memories
Raimie
“That was stupid,” Nylion said.
With his hands on his hips, he leaned over me, smirking.
“You cleansed, what? Five, six hundred Kiraak? All in the space of twelve hours,” he continued. “Do you know how much Daevetch you handled in that time? Consequences do exist for using that much magic, even if it is of the primal variety.”
Gingerly, I sat up, prodding at my stomach. Thank the gods, it felt normal here. I hated nausea.
As for here, yes. I was in the dream space I shared with Nylion. Was I ready to tell him what I’d figured out while awake?
Taking a deep breath, I nodded.
“If you’re quite done lecturing me, I believe we have a chest to unlock,” I said. “Or am I wrong about that?”
Nylion froze solid.
"Are you sure we should do it now?" he asked. "With everything that has happened in the waking world-"
"I need a distraction from it," I said, not wanting to hear more about... those problems. "So, let's get that chest open, yes?"
For a split second, Nylion hesitated with something almost painful passing over his face. Then, he jerked back into motion, offering me a hesitant hand.
“Well, that took you long enough,” he said. “Will you… tell me why you were so reluctant before?”
Refusing to meet Nylion’s eyes, I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Honestly? I was afraid,” I said. “I’m happy with the way things are right now, and the memories locked in that chest could change us for the worse. I want to bring justice to whoever ripped us apart as much as you do, but I don’t know if satisfying that urge will be worth the other memories that might come with the names we want.”
Flinching, Nylion said, “That is… understandable.”
Gods, he looked guilty, although I wasn’t sure why that could be. He wasn’t at fault for any of what had happened between us in the last couple of days.
Clearing his throat, Nylion asked, “What made you change your mind, then?”
“You weren’t happy.”
I shrugged.
“I’ve put you through enough already without denying you this. Gods, I can’t even imagine what it was like to be locked alone in our head for nine years. So, yeah. I’ll learn to deal with whatever extra baggage might come.”
When Nylion didn’t immediately respond, I bit my lip. Had my answer upset my other half? Maybe I should retreat from this place, giving Nylion some space, but before I could pop into my dreams, he spoke up.
“Thank you.”
With his fingers tangled in his tunic, he looked like he might start crying, fixing his eyes on the ground.
“I can feel how difficult this decision was for you,” he said. “So, truly. You have my gratitude, heart of my heart.”
Nodding, I decided this place’s non-existent sky had become exceedingly interesting, hoping all the while that the body I portrayed here couldn’t blush.
“So, how are we doing this?” I asked.
Chuckling, Nylion said, “You are the one who conjured a vampire to guard our memories, I think it is only fair that you fight it while I pick the chest’s lock.”
That comment jerked my head down.
“You can pick locks?” I said.
“I brushed off the skill while you were learning it,” Nylion said with a smirk, “but I believe I may be faster with it. Can you distract our fairy tale monster for the thirty seconds I will need with the chest?”
“Depends. Can I…?”
When I tried to draw on Ele or Daevetch, neither responded, which had me cursing.
Snorting, Nylion said, “We are in our head, silly. What makes you think the primal forces would answer your call here?”
I made a face at him.
“There was no harm in trying,” I said, “but in answer to your other question, I can do thirty seconds. Maybe. As you said, though, we’re in our head. If that vampire tears us apart, would it matter?”
“I am confidant that it would still hurt like hell, but… fair point,” Nylion said before gesturing toward our goal. “You go first, and I will follow once you have the monster’s attention.”
With a hesitant smile, I reached out, brushing my fingers against the back of Nylion’s hand, and the same electric jolt that had always come from our touch shot through me.
Shivering, I said, “Wish me luck.”
It was time to go.
When I was halfway to the vampire, I dropped a hand to my hip, cursing when I realized I had no weapons or armor on me. All I had on was my uniform, my preferred outfit nowadays, but its cloth would still part like butter beneath the monster’s talons.
Gods damnit. Was this to be a game of swipe and dodge, then? I HATED that type of combat, but since I couldn’t avoid such a fight, I might as well get it over with.
“Hey, ugly!” I shouted, waving my arms overhead. “Over here!”
The vampire leveled its gaze at me, but besides that, it didn’t move. What…?
Confused, I came to a stop.
“Aren’t you going to fight me?” I asked. “I thought for sure you would.”
“Is that what you want?” the vampire said. “You are the master of this mind, and I am your creation. If you wish for a fight, then that is what I’ll give you.”
Shuddering, I pushed down my unease.
“Does that mean I can unlock the chest behind you without trouble, then?” I asked.
“Unfortunately, that is something I cannot allow,” the vampire said.
I waited for more from it, but when nothing was forthcoming, I hesitantly edged toward the chest.
“Look, I need to open that box, so either stand aside or fight-”
Without warning, the vampire lunged at me, and dodging its talons, I tripped backward. Its next swipe landed me on my back, and I rolled sideways to avoid its claws, plunging for my belly. I scrambled to my feet, but I wasn’t fast enough to avoid the barbs that got raked across my back. Stumbling, I twisted, yelping at the sight of fangs baring down on my neck.
And the monster vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving my heart threatening to leap out of my chest.
“Fucking… vampires…” I gasped.
My cursing trailed away as the rush found in battle wore off, and while it did that, Nylion hurried to me.
“Are you ok?” he frantically asked.
Delicately picking at the edge of my tunic, Nylion peeled it up, sucking in a gasp at the wounds lying underneath, and something instinctual had me yanking free of him. I turned toward my other half, forcing a crooked smile into place at the panicked look on Nylion’s face.
“I’m fine. It’s all good, Nyl!” I said. “Nothing’s real here, remember? Well… except for you. You’re… very real.”
That stopped Nylion from speaking another word more, seemingly driving concern for me from his mind as well. Clearing his throat, he abruptly spun in place before marching to the chest.
“Shall we?” he asked with a thick voice.
Huh. Embarrassment was a nice look at him.
It took a moment of waiting, but when I was able to catch Nylion’s eye, I smirked.
“Let’s.”
Mama’s fever had taken a turn for the worse, and mine wasn’t much better. I vaguely recalled the carriage ride from Daira to Allanovian and my relief on entering this mountain’s embrace, unchanged despite my many visits in the past.
I also had a few fragmentary memories of my father arguing with hostile Esela and one of their councilwomen at one point. If I concentrated, I could touch on the knowledge that that Councilor was renowned throughout Ada’ir for her control of a type of mind magic. I wasn’t sure why my father would want to speak with her.
Perhaps back then, he’d been begging the Esela for their aid with my fever because a little while ago, Gistrick had summoned me from my sick bed, although he’d never explained what was going on. My Eselan weapons tutor was almost always quiet, but right now, the older man also had a sour look on his face, one that he’d only worn on the worst of occasions before. He and another Zrelnach had been escorting me through Allanovian’s many branching tunnels, all so we could meet my father outside of the Zrelnach’s quarters.
“I need you to come with me, son,” he said.
And I was happy to comply. I loved my father, missed him every time he was gone, so if we’d be spending time together, I didn’t mind the fact that it would be while I was sick. I wanted every second I could get with him.
The further along we moved, though, the more my fever made me stumble, nearly tumbling me into the tunnel’s stone walls. Gistrick and the unknown Zrelnach insisted on helping me at times, pulling me along by the elbows, and I didn’t like this.
“Raimie, this does not feel right,” Nylion said. “They are planning something bad.”
My other half was walking beside us with his face creased, and something unpleasant tickled the back of my mind.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
Nylion, however, didn’t get a chance to respond. The grown-ups around me exchanged a glance before Gistrick grabbed me and the other Zrelnach lifted me into the air. In my shock, I didn’t fight this. I only remembered to scream and wiggle and shift once I was off of my feet.
WHAT WAS GOING ON?
After we’d passed through the trial chamber’s doors, I was unceremoniously dumped into the middle of a small, crowded circle.
“Yes, I am sure,” Nylion said, answering my question from earlier.
Concern was radiating from him in waves, flooding down our bond, and after finding my other half in the room, I scrambled out of the sand, falling into a ready stance. I didn’t have any weapons on me, but with my Zrelnach training, I should be able to take a few enemies down. Whatever was happening, I had to protect us, protect Nylion, keep the one I loved safe. Maybe we could escape this place…
On looking around, however, those hopes crumbled to dust.
A ring of people had surrounded us with most of them faces that I’d dreaded seeing. Gistrick and several former sparring partners formed one side of this circle, and on the other half, Eledis, my father, and the magic genius of a councilwoman were watching me.
“What’s going on?” I snapped.
They’d better have an excellent reason for-
“Raimie,” someone wheezed below me.
Glancing down, I choked on seeing mama’s ravaged state. Her face was flushed and gaunt with sweat drenching her clothes, and a crazed gleam was shining in her eyes. Even as Nylion crossed his arms, looking away, I dropped to my knees beside her.
“Mama, what are you doing?” I asked. “You should be in bed.”
She shook her head with difficulty.
“This is more important,” she said. “You see, my love, our family has a problem. A bad one. It’s long past time that we fixed it.”
Sucking in a breath, I tried to blink a sudden glimmer out of my vision.
“I know I’m a disappointment sometimes, mama, and it’s my fault that you’re sick-”
“Hush now.”
Shakily, she reached up to stroke my hair.
“You’re not the issue. I’ve always been proud of you, Raimie. I’ve pushed you as hard as I have because I wanted you to succeed. And you aren’t the reason I’m laid out like this,” she said. “The blame for my illness lies elsewhere, at the feet of the problem we’re here to solve.”
At that, Nylion snapped his head toward her with his eyes going wide, but I wasn’t paying attention to him right now.
“You shouldn’t talk like that,” I said. “Save your energy for fighting the fever.”
Unsteadily clasping my hands, mama half-smiled at me.
“I’m afraid it’s too late for me, my beautiful boy,” she said. “I’m too far gone, but I can use what little of my life is left to help you.”
This couldn’t be happening! I couldn’t lose my mother, not yet, not when I still needed to prove my worth to her.
“What are you talking about?” I said. “Please, save yourself. I don’t need help, mama.”
Her hands tightened around mine, painfully grinding into my bones.
“Ah, but in that you’re wrong, my son,” she said. “You’re broken, Raimie, and today, we’re gathered here to fix you. It’s time for Nylion to go.”
The world screeched to a stop with time skipping a beat. Unable to believe what I’d heard, I looked up at Nylion, saw the white in his eyes, and felt unreasoning terror rushing in a tidal wave across our bond. My other half reached for me, brushing a finger along my lips until it was resting on my cheek.
And the world resumed.
NO! Something inside let loose a gut-wrenching howl of betrayal. I tried to jerk away from mama, to gather my other half to me, but her grip was iron. I couldn’t escape.
Desperately, I tried to explain once more.
“Nyl is me!” I shouted. “You can’t make him go away. If you did, you’d rip away a piece of me-!”
“Raimie, behind you!” Nylion shouted.
Too late. Hands clamped around my temples, and Allanovian’s councilwoman started mumbling under her breath. As panic ate through my mind, my eyes went wide with my breathing rate rapidly escalating.
They really meant to do it. They’d split me in two. Oh, gods…
Habitually, I reached for Nylion, screaming across our bond.
Nyl, what do I-?
Pain stabbed through my head…
And my other half flickered in and out of view, stopping my heart.
“You CAN’T!” I roared, reaching for Nylion, clinging to my other half like a lifeline.
Agony slammed like a mallet on my brain, and try as I might to fight it, my grip loosened.
No.
Gritting my teeth, I hissed curses between them, refusing to let go. The bond between us, between Nylion and me, me and him, him and me, brightly burned in my mind. The councilwoman circled around it, a portentous wind come to snuff it out, but she didn’t have the power to do it. Not alone.
And I wouldn’t let her! Our ever-present bond was the one thing I’d fight to the death for. I’d tear that Eselan woman’s hair off of her head, rake her flesh, rip chunks of her from the rest with my teeth. I would shred her to protect Nylion and what I had with him. SHE COULDN’T HAVE IT!
Beneath me, mama drew a shuddering gasp before going still, and a ghost of her presence joined the councilwoman around our bond. Together, they circled the union deep inside that was RaimieandNylion. They advanced on it, and I scrambled for escape, knowing in my bones that I couldn’t resist both of them at once. If I could slip free in the real world, maybe I could save this sacred space in my mind.
Before I could use my liberated hands to break free of the councilwoman’s grasp, however, my head erupted into a volcano of pain with magma flowing down my neck and extremities. Under the force of this, my grip on Nylion faltered.
What had I-? I’d been fighting for… it had been something immensely important.
My other half rapidly quivered in and out of existence with memories of the two of us liquifying beneath the heat in our head, and desperately, Nylion pressed our lips together, clutching at my head on backing off.
“Do not forget me,” he said before flickering out of view.
I wasn’t sure why I was in such a large, underground room or why so many people were staring at me or why mama wasn’t breathing-
A final surge burned through me, and unconsciousness greeted me like a friend.
It was real, but it wasn’t, but it was, but it wasn’t. It was what I’d always known but with more detail. It was my mother, the one I’d always loved, but also a horror. It was real. How could it be-?
With every sensation deadened in the wake of what I’d relived, I blinked away tears, but beside me, Nylion was snarling. He paced back and forth, reaching for an unseen threat.
“That BITCH!” he growled.
Tiredly, I sat up, rubbing my temples. Why did my head hurt when so many other, past injuries hadn’t transferred to this place?
“Don’t call mama that,” I said. “We can’t know if one of the others manipulated her-”
“YOU SHUT UP!” Nylion roared. “What the FUCK do you know? You know NOTHING, you useless little-”
“It doesn’t matter anyway!” I snapped.
I didn’t know why I was reacting like this, probably because Nylion’s fury was stirring something similar in me, but right now, I was too addled to care.
“Mama’s dead, much like that councilwoman. We can’t do anything to them, so let’s focus on the ones who are still alive.”
Stopping short, Nylion took a few deep breaths before lowering his fists.
“You are right, of course. As you always are.”
The two of us simply stood there for a while, so close and NEEDING to touch, but unable to. Something was coming, a churning storm of memories that was lurking on my mind’s horizon, and because of that, we couldn’t afford distraction of any kind. Not even…
“Did you kiss me back then?” I asked in monotone.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t offended by the idea. Ren and I did that all the time, so why should I care if someone else kissed me too? Right now, I simply didn’t have energy to infuse into my question.
Also. In that memory, I’d literally seen Nylion in the waking world, kind of like I had in Da’kul. That shouldn’t be possible… right? I definitely shouldn’t have felt that mouth lightly pressing on mine, definitely shouldn’t have…
Lifting my fingers, I touched them to my lips while Nylion glanced at me with his arms crossed.
“What if I did?” he grumbled.
“I…”
That was a good question, one that I had no doubt would take me a while to answer.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said.
And I couldn’t afford to focus on it. That storm of memories wouldn’t long wait for me to find somewhere safe before bursting, which meant I needed a place of absolute solitude and quickly. Unfortunately, I couldn’t do that until I woke up.
So gingerly, I brushed against the bond between me and my other half, worried that this memory would have damaged it, but after only the briefest of touches, I recoiled.
I remembered what our bond had been like when we were children: a place of comforting warmth, a union of purpose, a melding so complete that for all intents and purposes, we’d been one. A flow of being, unending from one to the other and so vitally energetic that I’d often thought of it as a merrily babbling brook of existence. Now…
Now, it was ash. The riverbed remained, and a dripping trickle haltingly traversed it, but it was a blackened husk of its former self, all cracked earth and parched reeds.
They’d taken something extraordinary and cherished and proceeded to defile it. I couldn’t comprehend… I couldn’t ABIDE it.
“Now what?” I asked.
For a moment, my throat ached from the ice in my voice, and hanging his head, Nylion hugged his elbows, probably considering the question.
“Since the councilwoman is dead, we cannot exact revenge on the one who actually enacted the spell, but Gistrick, Eledis, and our father participated, if nominally,” he said. “How shall we destroy them?”
It was a good question. I could think of many ways that I’d like to make those who’d hurt Nylion PAY, but for now, only one seemed fitting.
“First, we coerce an explanation from them,” I said.
Before I could continue, Nylion jerked toward me.
“What does their explanation matter?” he said. “They are guilty!”
“Think of it as practice for when we’re king, and don’t deny that the prospect of ruling over a kingdom appeals to you,” I said with a smirk. “I’ve felt you yearning for it sometimes.”
Nylion mumbled something unintelligible, which only made me smile wider. Gods. Maybe… maybe we’d be ok after this. Maybe our bond could return to how it had once been. Eventually.
“One of our responsibilities as king will be to listen as guilty people plead their cases, much like what we’ll do with Gistrick and the rest,” I said. “In the future, we can’t mete out punishment on a criminal before we hear all sides of the story. In the same way, we should wait to enact our vengeance. We can’t know how deeply each of the players betrayed us yet.”
Cocking his head, Nylion narrowed his eyes, but I knew when he’d decided to agree with me.
“We will destroy them, though, yes?” he asked.
With my teeth gleaming through my smile, I said, “They’ll receive their just rewards. Don’t worry. I already have some ideas for that.”
Chapter 38: Nothing But Derision
Eledis
Caution is an incredible asset in a monarch’s arsenal, but when situations call for decisive action, it should be tossed to the wind, lest your people perish due to your cowardice.
-Sephicus, Philosopher King of Lyzencroft
The news of Raimie’s victory reached the city scant hours before his arrival. I’d never seen a crowd so enthralled by one man’s return. The throng of them undulated to the beat of their cheers, screaming a chant to honor their returning champion.
Surprisingly, Raimie brushed through the celebrating masses, making a beeline for Tanwadur’s house and subsequently, leaving the crowd disconcerted in his wake. They quickly realized, however, that they didn’t have to stop their revelries because their guest of honor wasn’t there, and so, music and laughter soon drifted from their midst once more.
When Raimie broke free from the crowd, I was sure that he meant to report to me, especially when considering the unexpected news he must be carrying, but the kid bypassed me with only a single, venomous glance. He marched toward the room where his father had been relaxing for the last hour before firmly shutting the door behind him.
That had been… unusual behavior from him, but I knew that soon enough, Raimie would find me, meaning to apologize for seemingly bad behavior. It was what he’d always done. Still, I paced the square outside for a while, but Raimie never emerged from Tanwadur’s house, and when the sun reached its peak in the sky, something reached a breaking point in me.
I needed to know what had happened in the Birthing Grounds. I needed to know if- if…
No. Not yet.
I stormed away from Tanwadur’s house before I gave in to the desire to break down its door. Over the years, I’d learned when to take a step back and breathe before my temper made a truly inconvenient mess, and now was one of those times.
Which wasn’t to say that I didn’t deserve answers from Raimie. Just a couple of weeks ago, a foreign army had landed at Nephiron, conquered the city, and moved on to the Birthing Grounds to do Alouin knew what to the people my family had allied with. Considering that Raimie had returned to Tiro alive, said army must not be hostile, but I still didn’t know anything about their origin or leader.
Their leader… please, say it wasn’t her.
But because of this, curiosity and dread nagged at me, and I was forced to ignore those aberrant emotions while wandering down Tiro’s streets.
I envied them. Their simple lives appealed to me in a way that other things couldn’t.
Not that I’d trade the power and privilege I had for the simplicity they enjoyed. That wasn’t even an option.
By the time the sun was touching the horizon, I found myself at the city’s gate. Alouin, the temptation to activate its mechanisms, opening the doors, and dart outside was incredibly alluring. Tiro was a nice enough city, but it wasn’t home, and I’d stayed here for too long.
I needed a sense of purpose, to feel as if my goal was drawing closer, and spending hour after hour researching for and tweaking the same battle plan multiple times in a row didn’t relieve that need in the slightest.
Ahead of me, a commotion in the gate house spilled out into the street. Two cloth-swaddled individuals were arguing with one another, apparently unaware of how far their voices were carrying.
“I know the family is grieving, but they’ll want to know about this,” one of them snapped.
“I’m not sure about that,” the other one said. “Maybe we could consult with that Raimie kid instead. Both Kylorian and Ren seem to trust him.”
“Maybe they did before the bastard murdered Hadrion.”
The first one to speak hissed with his hands clenched into fists.
“Besides,” he continued after a moment, “this is our city. I won’t let a foreigner make a decision this important for us.”
Having reached the two, I asked, “What seems to be the problem?”
Bristling, both men jerked toward me.
“You see?” the first one said, gesturing toward me. “This is what I mean. Another Alouin damned foreigner, sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
I raised my hands placatingly.
“I only want to help.”
Because if I did that, maybe I could gain some information that might help me in other areas of my life.
“Fat lot of good you ‘help’ has ever done us,” one of the men snapped. “We don’t need it.”
As much as those words hurt, I’d still love to argue that point, reminding these two of the many accomplishments that my people had achieved for the Audish citizenry in a few months, but I knew better than to argue with someone who’d already displayed fanatical tendencies.
“Look,” I said instead, “why don’t one of you retrieve your illustrious leaders while the other explains your problem to the stupid foreigner? I mean to stick around until I’ve figured out this mystery, and I’m sure you don’t want to explain why I’m hovering when Kylorian, Ren, or Alouin forbid, Tanwadur show up.”
The angrier of the two continued to fume in my general direction, but the other one laid a hand on his shoulder.
“It’s a good idea,” he said, “and I can have him gone before you’re back.”
“Fine!” the angry man shouted.
Turning on his heels, he stormed away, and I watched him go with a slight headshake. People like that were always so hard to reason with.
At my side, the other man said, “Please forgive him, Eledis. He’s actually ecstatic about the help your people have given us, but he’s also disappointed that your family has so quickly reached goals that we’ve been chasing for years.”
I raised an eyebrow at him.
“You know who I am?”
“It’s hard not to,” the other man said. “I’d say the whole of Auden will know who you are, once they see you.”
Hmm. That could be problematic. How much so, though?
“You don’t… hate me?” I said.
I’d find that exceptionally hard to believe, even if I’d love to hear it anyway.
“I never said I don’t! But I recognize that you’re trying to help us. What I feel about you and your family can be cast aside, given that,” the man said. “If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you what’s caused such a commotion for us today.”
Following his lead, I climbed the gatehouse’s staircase, and at the top, my guide gestured for me to peek outside. Evening’s rusty glow had transformed the forest beyond the stone doors into a fairytale setting, replete with mournful birds and rustling leaves. The sun had painted the sky with brilliant shades of purple, orange, and red, a final farewell before that celestial object died for the night.
On the other side of Tiro’s wall, three depleted horses were trembling with their flanks heaving. Two of their riders were shifting atop them, jerking their gazes across their surroundings, while the third had tilted her head back to stare at Tiro’s nearly invisible gate with her lip pinched between her teeth. It was like she was trying to open it with the force of her mind, even if she couldn’t know it was there.
Of course she was.
“They rode up to the gate not long ago and have been waiting there since,” my guide said.
With a dry mouth, I said, “You should let them inside. Don’t wait for your leaders. Let them in now.”
The other man pulled away from me.
“What?” he said. “Why?”
Pointing, I said, “That woman is the queen of Ada’ir. You may not have heard of that kingdom, but across the sea, Ada’ir is the second most militaristically powerful realm in existence. I’m not sure why their queen is in Auden, but I do know that she’s brought her army with her to this place. Now, you can wait to let her in if you want, but I guarantee that if you do, she’ll use her army to force her way into your hidden city as soon as it catches up.”
The other man held still as he processed what I’d said before wordlessly pulling a lever, which activated pulleys and winches, and as the door cracked open, I raced down the stairs, nearly falling in my haste. I burst out of the gatehouses as three riders nudged their exhausted horses into Tiro.
The first two, probably the queen’s bodyguards, scanned the city with their hands on their sword hilts, but Kaedesa’s eyes were gleaming. She took in everything—the gate disguised as a cliff face, the dusty streets, the lanterns hanging between buildings, and the canopy of lattice and ivy overhead—and laughed.
When she turned that glee on me, I released a quick prayer to Alouin, but no recognition flickered across her face. Instead, it darkened with distrust creeping into her joy, but the change was so small that only one who knew her well should notice it.
With a shallow bow, I said, “Your Majesty.”
Here, I had no need to give her the deference that I’d shown in Ada’ir. Not only was I no longer at her mercy but we could claim equivalent power and status in Auden.
“Do I know you?” she asked.
“My name is Eledis,” I say. “You recently held me and my grandson, Raimie, captive.”
After receiving a short nod from one of her guards, Kaedesa said, “Oh, yes! You must forgive me. So many matters of state occupy my time that details like names and faces slip through the cracks sometimes. I hope you’ll forgive me for the imprisonment part as well. I’m sure I had a legitimate reason for it at the time.”
When she glanced at him, there was another nod from the guard, but I was too busy considering what she’d asked of me to pay that much attention.
I could forgive her. I wanted to forgive her, but having Queen Kaedesa in my debt could be useful. It was best to hedge my bets.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Has Raimie not told you about what we discussed?” Kaedesa said. “Given… he has been busy. I suppose he’ll get to it in his own time. As for your answer from me, my business is with him, not you. But!”
As she dismounted her horse, an acute sense of déjà vu swept over me. Without her skirts to hide them, her riding breeches accentuated every curve of her legs and hips as she swung into the dirt, and distracted by her choice of clothing, I missed her unbuckling a scabbarded sword from her belt. When she tossed it to me, I reflexively caught it.
“Raimie wanted you to have that,” Kaedesa said.
Turning to her saddlebags, she rummaged in their depths to retrieve a journal, and after making several marks in it, she returned it to its place.
Meanwhile, I unsheathed the sword, and on seeing it, all was right with the world once more. I spun the blade through the air, flicking its point as I did. Other swords might come close to perfection, but this... this was a flawless balance of power and weight. No other sword felt quite as comfortable as wielding Shadowsteal.
“Thank you for returning it,” I said.
I bowed to the queen, and if I did so more deeply than I’d meant to, I didn’t let myself notice it.
“I’m only doing as your grandson asked,” Kaedesa said. “I offered it to him first, but he refused to take it.”
What?
Snapping my head up to her, I said, “Why would you do that? It’s-”
With a sharp inhale, I bit my lip, hard.
“It’s his sword,” Kaedesa said with a shrug, “and honestly, I’m not comfortable with giving it to you. Something about you is…”
Running her eyes over me, she shuddered before looking away.
“Now, where is your grandson? I need to remind him of the offer that’s on the table.”
Offer? Did Kaedesa mean to help us? That would make for an interesting turn of events.
“I’d assume he’s with his father still, although he might have moved on to consoling Ren. I hear that she’s recently suffered a loss, and she’s a friend,” I said before pausing. “May I ask what offer you’ve proposed?”
With her lips thinning, Kaedesa handed her horse’s reigns to a guard while the other one joined her on the ground.
“A marriage alliance,” she said. “I thought we could combine…”
Her mouth kept moving, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. I’d gone cold.
Without thinking, I crossed the distance to Kaedesa and grabbed her shoulders, digging my fingernails into them.
“You can’t!” I growled. “I tolerated the marriage to the king of Ada’ir, but this is… it’s wrong.”
Someone dragged me away from her, and I let them, afraid of what I might do if I was left free. I was shoved to my knees with my arms painfully bent against my back.
Kaedesa had wrinkled her nose with something desperately fighting to break free, and for the briefest of moments, clarity resolved on her, leaving two pits of icy green piercing into my essence.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do with my life, Eledis. You lost that right a long time ago,” she said. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’ve forgotten what I said the last time we spoke, so let me remind you. If you ever loved me, stay out of my business and my life. I can’t have you near me. Do you understand?”
“But…” I breathed. “I-”
“Do you understand?” she interrupted.
I could swear that my chest was about to collapse, so much pressure was sitting on it, but even still, I coughed an affirmative. At that, a veil of confusion lowered, leaving Kaedesa tilting her head at me.
“You said Raimie’s most likely with his father,” she said. “Where can I find that man?”
“Tanwadur’s home,” I wearily said. “In the center of Tiro.”
“Thank you,” Kaedesa said.
But then, she was skipping down a street, swiveling her head to take in the sights, and I watched her go with nausea coiling in my stomach.
A lone, abandoned guard shuffled to a stop beside me.
“It’s been a long ride,” he said. “I need to find a place where I can stable our horses, but after I have, might I join you for a drink? I’m sure you know the finest taverns in this city.”
“What makes you think I want a drink?” I dully asked.
Chuckling, the guard said, “Every person I know of would need to get plastered after a lecture like that, especially when it comes from her. So. Will you wait for me?”
I nodded, but after the guard had disappeared, I considered leaving here regardless, returning to my makeshift office. Plenty of problems slipped through the cracks of Raimie’s daily efforts, eventually crossing my desk. Perhaps one of them could pull me free of this dazed state.
But my feet wouldn’t move as I commanded, and when the guard returned, I found that the other man had been right. I did need a drink.
Chapter 39: False Life
Raimie
“Somebody help me restrain him!”
With Oswin’s voice roaring through the black of my dreams, I grudgingly moved toward it.
“I’ll hold you all responsible if he hurts himself during the next fit!”
When I opened my eyes, Oswin’s face filled my view. It was turned to the side, presumably toward whoever he’d been yelling at, and judging from his position, he must be the one who was keeping me pinned.
“Let me up, Oswin,” I rasped.
Damn. I must have been fiercely screaming if my throat was this raw.
Oswin sprang off of me, and I slowly sat up, rubbing at the places on my arms where Daevetch tendrils continued to pulse. I let those remnants spill away, hissing at the clawing sensation that this produced.
“Are you all right, Raimie?” Oswin whispered from where he was kneeling.
Damn, he looked so relieved and small. How badly had I scared him?
“Fine,” I croaked. “I didn’t know using primal energy came with a limit.”
Nervously chuckling, Oswin said, “Rough way to find out.”
I grunted in response. When I tentatively reached for Ele, it leapt to my call without the side effects I’d been experiencing from Daevetch. Something to be grateful for, I supposed.
“Help me up,” I said.
Scrambling to his feet, Oswin pulled me to mine, and thanking him, I stretched in place, loosening my muscles up as much as I could. A storm in my mind was raging, which meant I needed to leave. Immediately.
With his voice raised an octave, Oswin asked, “What are you doing, sir?”
“Preparing for my trip to Tiro,” I tiredly said.
Oswin took a step back.
“But… sir! Is that wise after what happened? And... do you mean to go alone?”
“I am fine, Oswin, and I’m leaving by myself,” I said. “Are you planning on helping me or not?”
With a hugely released breath, Oswin fixed his eyes on the ground.
“I never could stop you when you put your mind to something,” he said before shaking his head. “What do you need from me?”
“The army should prepare to march home. You should move out as soon as possible, but leave enough people and supplies at the Birthing Grounds to hold it. We can’t be sure if or when Doldimar will try to recapture this place,” I said. “Make sure those who stay are equipped to incorporate the newly turned humans into our rank and file. Recruitment will only be for those who want it, mind you, but we should bolster our numbers whenever we can.”
I paused in my stretching.
“While we’re at it, we might as well rename this place. The Birthing Grounds? Ugh. Who came up with that stupid name?”
Despite how tightly he was holding himself, Oswin chuckled at that, and it was almost enough to have me smiling again.
“Also, if Kaedesa asks after me, tell her I’m considering her offer,” I said.
“Her offer, sir?”
Making a face, I said, “She wants to marry me.”
Snorting, Oswin devolved into outright laughter when he realized I was serious.
“Oh, that’s priceless,” he gasped. “Good luck dealing with her and Ren, sir.”
Rolling my eyes, I swatted his shoulder.
“I’ll be off, then,” I said over his guffaws. “I expect you’ll be quick with following me.”
“Of course, sir,” Oswin gasped.
Striding for the door, I drew Ele to my legs and feet, pausing before crossing the threshold.
“When you get the chance, I suppose you should tell Ryvolim where I’ve gone as well,” I said. “He seemed anxious about staying near me, for some reason.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
Oswin bowed, but by the time he’d risen to his full height, I was gone.
Wind ruffled my hair as I dashed through the forest. The storm had broken, leaving a relentless flood of once-abandoned memories to scour my mind, and facts that for a lifetime, I’d wholeheartedly believed gradually shattered under the force of the truth’s revelation.
All of my memories from before my ninth birthday—the ones about the forest, the homestead, and Fissid—glimmered and puffed into smoke. Climbing trees in the forest was replaced by racing across Daira’s rooftops. Happy dinners with mama on the homestead, laughing while my father cleaned dishes, were displaced by tense meals in our manor house, worrying about whether the head of our household would survive his current mission for the queen. Learning to trade for grain in Fissid was smothered by watching Eledis negotiate with yet another rebellion’s leader.
Once my past’s underlying base had shifted back into its proper place, detailed recollections rose in a barrage, and I couldn’t stop them from flowing forth.
My earliest memory is of Nylion. Mama is teaching us our letters, writing out a sentence before having us copy it, but she only ever talks to me with her instruction, ignoring Nylion. With each snub, my other half gets more upset, and I decide to speak up before his anger bleeds over onto me.
Tugging on mama’s sleeve, I say, “Nyl makes pretty letters too.”
Perking up from where he’s been lying, Nylion beams at me, rubbing his cheek against my leg. My other half is always desperate for praise. He never gets the credit for anything good we do. Only I get that.
“Your imaginary friend?” mama says. “I’m sure he does, my beautiful boy. Why don’t you show me?”
“Would you like a turn?” I ask Nylion.
Rising to his elbows, my other half nods, and I give him permission to take over. I watch through our eyes as Nylion precisely copies mama’s example. Compared to my wiggly scrawl, my other half’s version looks like an exact replica by the time it’s done.
“See, mama?” Nylion chirps. “I write pretty letters too.”
We grin, wanting to hear her praise, but with her hand flying to clasp her mouth, she chokes on a gasp. We don’t know if the retching noises she’s making are compliments or not. Crawling toward her, we reach for her cheek.
“Mama-?”
“What are you?” she whispers with tears glistening in her eyes.
Why is she asking that? Shouldn’t she know?
“We are NylRaimie,” we say.
With a sob, she flinches away from us before smacking us so hard that we fall to the floor. When our head cracks against tile, we black out.
The time when bumps and bruises began.
I’m four, and my education has already begun. While mama watches me from her corner, I give the wrong answer to my history tutor’s question, and as it passes through our lips, Nylion winces. When I see the disappointed look on mama’s face, I flush, but my shame is forgotten when the tutor advances on me with a red face.
I’m gone for several hours, and when awareness returns, mama’s soothing the welts across my knuckles and back while Nylion cries in a corner.
The beginning of my martial training.
“I don’t want to! I don’t want to!” I shout as I race over the garden’s grass.
Behind me, I know a group of palace guards is following me, as I know what will happen if I’m caught. When I reach a tree, I jump up it in one go, huddling on a branch once I’m far above where anyone can reach me.
As they approach the tree, the palace guard stops, looking up at me with their hands on their hips and disgruntled expressions in place.
“Raimie, you have to come down now,” one of them says. “Your father wants you in a weapons yard. Now. A spymaster’s training always starts after their fifth birthday. You know that.”
But I don’t want to learn how to fight. I don’t LIKE fighting. Because look at Nylion, huddling in the crook of a branch and its trunk! He’s shaking with fear, and that feeling is making my world warp.
The soldiers below me turn into faceless people, monsters come to hurt me and him, and I can’t get away.
Still.
“No!” I shout. “You can’t get me up here, and I’m not coming down. So… so… YOU GO AWAY!”
For a while, I think I’ve won. Then, someone comes to the tree with a ladder.
A bubble of light and laughter, interspersing the darkness of my first nine years.
Auntie Kaedesa has thrown an extravagant party for the advent of my seventh year. Everyone’s here: mama, Eledis, Auntie, Lysinthir, Oswin, Silivren, even Uncle Marcuset. With protocols relaxed and my guard lowered, remembering to call my uncle by something other than Emir has been more difficult than I thought it would be, but I’ve managed it, to my quiet pride.
Even my father has shown his face, released from his duties as spymaster for his son’s birthday. It’s one of those rare days where mama is happy, where my tutors are banished, and where Nylion doesn’t take control. I go to bed that night without a single hidden bruise.
The realization that I’m not quite normal.
“You’re mastering the blade at a surprisingly quick rate, young Raimie,” Bryruned says.
After a lengthy sparring session, I’ve backed my weapons tutor into a corner, and with a grin, Bryruned concedes the fight. It’s a nice feeling, only supplemented by Nylion’s whooping cheers, and I smile.
“We thank you,” I say before lowering my blade.
After Bryruned sheathes his own weapon, we collapse with our muscles trembling. Today demanded an extensive training session, considering I’ll be participating in my first mission for the Hand tonight. After its successful completion, my weapons training will move away from the formal fighting styles that I’ve been learning over the last two years. Now that I can duel and spar with the best of nobles, the time has come for me to learn how to use crude weapons and uncivilized styles, things that will keep me alive while I serve in the Hand.
“WE thank you?” Bryruned asks, lifting an eyebrow as he joins me.
Humming, I rock from side to side, bumping my shoulder into Nylion’s, and at each of these, my other half’s smile widens.
“You gave us praise,” I say. “Why shouldn’t we thank you? We’ve trained with you for years, and in that time, you’ve never given us a complement. After what happened last month, we weren’t sure if you could forgive us.”
“Raimie, everyone knows you didn’t mean to hurt Heritren,” Bryruned says. “Let go of that guilt, boy. He wouldn’t want it for you.”
Ha. This remorse can’t be soothed with words alone. Reaching over Nylion for a water bladder, I hastily raise it to suppress a rush of shame, and while I drink from it, Bryruned watches me with a frown.
“You said we again there, Raimie,” he says.
Why is that man so focused on which words we use?
“We are supposed to refer to ourselves as ‘I’, remember?” Nylion says with an eye roll.
That’s right. The childhood lessons that mama has given us for as long as I can remember faded in the rush of battle.
I’ve never understood her insistence on using the singular pronoun. ‘I’ seems like such a useless word. When is anyone alone enough to need it? For that matter, what is ‘alone’? The idea of being solitary makes me sick to my stomach, one of the rare things I can’t hold at arm’s length. I pity any poor bastard who’s caught in such a life, spent apart from his other half.
Mama insists that I must pretend like I’m alone, though, that I can only use ‘I’, and frankly, I’m sick of that sham. Why must Nylion hide in the shadows? It’s not fair, and I CAN’T STAND it.
With fire rising up my throat, I say, “WE, Bryruned. WE would like to know if WE can go home. Nyl and I have a lot to prepare for tonight.”
The weapons master recoils from me.
“Fucking hell…” he says under his breath.
And the fire in me goes out, leaving mirth jumping between me and Nylion.
“Oo!” I say. “Is this another curse? I like it. Fucking hell, fucking…”
Repeating it to myself, I commit it to memory, never seeing the weapons master reaching his feet.
“GET OUT!” Bryruned roars.
With his hackles raised, he advances on me, and I’ve seen the look on Bryruned’s face before. It’s one that always comes with pain, and that knowledge makes my choice simple. I flee.
The epitome of my youthful mistakes.
I’m six, and I’ve learned a lot in the year since my martial education began. Easily riposting Heritren’s swing, I use the light to dance around the sword master, giggling the whole way. Heritren rounds on me, pressing the attack until my back is to the wall. The older man smirks, but it’s one that I return.
I bind the light in my feet to the ceiling’s, leaving my opponent standing beneath me. Well out of his sword’s range, I beckon for the sword master’s next attack.
“Careful, Raimie,” Nylion says. “He is smart, remember?”
As if to emphasize my other half’s point, Heritren reaches for his belt, tossing a brace of throwing knives at me. I have no hope of dodging them all, and the floor is at least ten feet below me, which wouldn’t be a fun drop to make. Either way, pain’s coming for me.
In a panic, I release a wave of dusk to halt the knives, but that's done, leaving steel clattering to stone, I forget to dismiss it.
A dark wave speeds toward Heritren, and although he’s fast enough to sidestep out of mortal danger, the shadows tear through his arm, removing it at the shoulder.
Together, Nylion and I scream alongside Heritren’s grunt, and at the sight of so much blood gushing from my tutor, I lose my grip on the light that’s holding me to the ceiling. When I wake up, hours later, I have a concussion, a dislocated shoulder, and the burden of what I did to handle.
This memory integrated with such a wrench that I tripped. Failing to recover from this, I tumbled for quite a while before coming to a stop on my back. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes, although that wasn’t entirely caused by the fall.
“Is it over?” I groaned.
“One more, heart of my heart,” Nylion whispered. “At least, for now.”
Chapter 40: The Truth of the Well
Raimie
Daira’s streets race beneath my feet as I flee from my pursuer. Beyond, Nylion urges me to move faster, to sprint on and on and on.
The sea wall prevents my escape. Frantically, I search for somewhere to hide, an obstacle to slip through, or something to climb.
When my pursuer’s furious cries reach my ears, I grimace. I tricked mama into thinking that I took my medicine this morning because that stuff is awful. I don’t like it, and Nylion HATES it, disappearing for hours afterward. When my other half returns from these vanishings, he’s… changed. Skipping the medicine for one day was a secret relief, but mama found out, and she wasn’t happy. Why is my tiny deceit getting this big of a reaction?
The sound of her pounding feet gets louder, and I bolt to the left.
“Up here, Raimie!” Nylion calls.
Perched atop an isolated pile of crates along the sea wall’s edge, he furiously waves his arms above his head with such desperate panic in him.
“She is a terrible climber.”
That’s truth if I’ve ever heard it. Many have been the hours that we’ve listened to her frustrated shouting while on rooftops. Maybe we can once more wait, out of reach, until her temper cools down.
Leaping for the lowest box, I pull myself halfway onto it, but a hand grabs my dangling leg, and the added weight knocks me off-balance. When my fingers lose tension, the hold on my ankle lasts long enough for my chin to hit the sea wall, making my teeth gnash through my lip, before I’m released. Stars accompany me on my tumble into the sea.
Before I can think to breathe, water closes over my head. My arm uselessly drifts, and when I try to swim, pain nearly makes me faint. Honestly, though, I’m lucky that only my arm was hurt. I could just as easily have been splattered on the rocks at the base of the wall.
Blinking stars away, I see a murky, underwater world with a spike of terror, and flailing my legs, I manage to surface.
The towering sea wall—safety—is much further away than it should be, and atop it, a face is staring at me from the dozens of people nearby.
“Mama! I can’t-” I cry.
Water claims me for a third time, and when I fight free of it, I cough and splutter, sobbing.
“Mama, help!”
I lose her among the ships crowding the harbor’s piers. The ocean’s current is dragging me toward this, and animal panic has me thrashing my legs in a vain attempt to keep water from dashing me on those pilings.
“Raimie!” mama shouts. “Use the light, and grab my hand!”
Kneeling on the pier, she’s stretched dangerously far over the ocean, reaching for me. Gods, I thought she’d left me to drown.
Grasping at the light, I shoot it into the ocean, desperate to reach her, but I’ve never used it while swimming before. I don’t account for water’s drag against my body once I’ve burst free of its surface. What I’ve expelled doesn’t gain me nearly enough height, but even still, I reach for rescue.
The tips of our fingers touch, and at that contact, I clench mine, but my momentum has pulled me further than I expected. The counterweight above me tilts before I smash into wood.
When I break free of darkness, I’m muddled for a split-second before agony rips through me, and I scream.
“Do not let her go!” Nylion shouts above me. “I did not save her worthless life for you to end it.”
I struggle to get clear of the haze in my mind, but when it fades, I find Nylion floating across from me with both of us clinging to something buoyant. I’m not sure what it is, but that doesn’t much matter.
My mouth and throat are dry, so when I try to speak, only a croak emerges, which has Nylion’s face pinching. Reaching around me, he cups the back of my neck, leaning forward to form a cave between us. Our place of safety, always pulled forth when the world becomes too much.
“It is ok,” Nylion says. “Take it slowly.”
So, I do, clearing my throat until my voice is freed.
“What happened?” I ask.
Turning away, Nylion rests the side of his head on my forehead.
“Mother offered up the first act of love that she has ever given m… us, and as is typical for her, it backfired. She fell, hit her head, and flopped on top of us right as I took over. Almost dragged us into the depths with her, that-”
With my other half’s voice strangled, he’s left swallowing several times before he can speak again.
“I had the good sense to snatch a batch of passing driftwood before the tide swept us out to sea, and here we are.”
Leaning back, Nylion waves a hand over the horizon. As I follow the sweep of his hand, nothing but ocean greets me, but our peril falls out of my awareness when I see what’s hanging from my arm.
Mama.
As if to remind me that it exists, pain blasts through me, turning my vision white, and desperately, I shift my burden onto our tiny raft. She only sinks, though, helpless to stay aloft while unconscious.
“What do we-?” I gasp.
“It will be dark soon,” Nylion says. “Use the light. Perhaps luck will shine on us, sending a ship our way.”
My other half always has the best suggestions. Gulping down more light than I ever have before, I hold it in my body and pray to Alouin that it will be enough.
I keep mama above water with my broken arm, clinging to driftwood. To Nylion. The clumsy curses I mutter help drive pain away, letting me stay conscious. I should thank Bryruned for teaching them to me, if I see the weapons master again. If he lets me and Nylion near him again.
“Help!” I shout, taking a break from cursing. “Mama, please wake up.”
Over the quiet slosh of water, my whisper loudly carries.
As time passes, the sky turns orange and purple. Once the stars have emerged, though, cursing can’t hold pain at bay anymore, and I lazily float in the water, holding to consciousness for the sole purpose of maintaining my grip.
“Mama, why were you chasing us?” I ask. “Is it really that important for me to take your medicine? Even when it makes Nyl go away?”
“She hates me, heart of my heart,” Nylion says with his voice floating through the haze. “I am the source of her shame.”
Mama says nothing, and I swallow the lump in my throat. As something obstructs my view of the stars above, voices shout in the dark, but I can’t summon the energy to call for help. I’m forced to rely on the light that’s blazing from my body, willfully ignoring how little it’s helped me so far. Instead, I hum a lullaby, indulging in the illusion that I’m putting mama to bed for once.
Her weight is lifted off of my arm, and it screams at that release of pressure. Mumbling my own protests, I slap at the water, searching for her.
From behind, something gets wrapped around my stomach. I twist, flailing at what’s holding me, but even still, it lifts me out of the ocean and into the air until I’m pulled over a ship’s railing, and when I’m released, I flop to its deck.
“Raimie!”
A rough hand caresses my face, and I grab it.
“Mama?” I ask.
When my eyes clear, my father’s worried face crystalizes for me.
“She’s fine. Waking up now,” he says. “What happened?”
“My fault,” I mumble. “Misjudged propulsion. Clung too hard, and mama fell.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” mama snaps with a cough. “It was the OTHER.”
“Oh, NOW she wakes up,” Nylion says while my father frantically says.
“Samantha! You should be resting.”
“No, Aramar. We need to address this.”
Mama coughs again.
“Contact the witch in Allanovian. This other in him needs to be erased.”
I give up on consciousness, but before I drift away, I catch a sudden spillover of terror from Nylion as he angrily grumbles to himself.
Four days later, my mother and I fall ill. We travel to Allanovian, and both she and Nylion are stolen from me in in that awful place.
Someone had replaced my heart with a hollow, throbbing wound. I’d forgotten how to breathe, how to speak, how to think.
“Raimie?” two figures that I should know asked.
“…why?” I managed to rasp.
“Why, what?” the dark one of the two asked.
Recoiling, I said, “How… could…?”
Striding between those familiar figures, Nylion crouched in front of me. As he took my hands, his horribly beaten and bruised face was creased with concern.
“I am sorry,” was all he said.
“You… knew…”
“Everything except who cursed us,” Nylion said. “I knew our scheming bitch of a mother was involved, but as for the others… I did not know how deep the betrayal went. Eledis, Gistrick, your father… and that was your Uncle’s flagship at the end. We should assume that Marcuset was at least privy to the decision as well.”
Pulling my hands free, I clutched at my head, struggling to force two versions of my past into some sense of order. How was I supposed to reconcile the two lives I’d led? One of happiness. One of truth. Which was real? Or were they both…? No.
My life in Daira explained so many inconsistencies that I’d never thought to question. If tutors had been working with me from the time that I was a toddler, it was no wonder I’d breezed through my lessons with Ferin and Rhylix. I’d already studied what Ferin had meant to teach me and learned the skills that Rhylix had imparted.
As for how quickly I’d mastered my friend’s lessons, my ability to replicate a skill after observing it only once would certainly help with gaining knowledge, but it couldn’t replace muscle memory, something that only repetitive practice could develop. I’d had an abundance of that when training with weapons masters, though.
The tutors also explained my oscillation between total ignorance of foreign relations to a somewhat skilled diplomat. Mediation had been drilled into me since birth.
But my happy childhood in the forest… it had all been a lie?
“Yes. Every part of it until we turned nine,” Nylion said. “At least you get to keep that half.”
Small consolation.
“Are you quite well, Raimie?” someone asked. “Your fall didn’t look that bad.”
As I let my hands slip off of my head, my ability to speak logically lurched into working order.
Without looking up, I asked, “How long have you two been with me? I know that I accessed Ele and Daevetch before finding Shadowsteal.”
Only silence answered me for a time, but I was content to stay in this quiet. It was a direct contrast to my current turmoil, and besides that, I didn’t think I could move right now. Curious whether this was true, I asked for my legs to straighten, and they twitched instead.
Great. When would this wear off?
In answer to my question, Bright said, “Since you were born.”
“Can you imagine?” Dim said with a nervous laugh. “You caused so much trouble as a toddler primeancer, running circles around your parents.”
And the blow of this knowledge knocked me back into partial reticence.
“Why didn’t you tell me… when you came back?” I dragged forth. “You hinted at it… constantly but said nothing after… Shadowsteal.”
“Would you have believed us?” Bright asked.
“And Eselan magic like what you suffered is unpredictable,” Dim added. “If we’d told you, our revelation might have broken the spell, or it might have stomped down harder on you instead.”
I nodded, satisfied, if not pleased, with their answer. On attempting to move my legs again, they did more than twitch, so I tried to stand, a little unnerved when Nylion, a very visible Nylion, steadied me. Even if it did nothing to actually stop my wobble, the gesture was… appreciated.
Seeing him while awake would take some getting used to. And at one point, it had been our natural state.
When I pulled Ele through my source, it quelled the burgeoning of something dark and violent with its peace, and I released a breath that I could swear I’d held since the barrage of memories had stopped.
“What will you do?” asked one of the three unseen but very real beings behind me.
I didn’t stop to check which of them it had been.
“My family has much to answer for,” I said. “I’m going to have a chat with them.”
Chapter 41: Why Would You Do This to Me?
Raimie
The five days after the return of my memories followed in an unchanging sequence. Every morning, Nylion was there, opening his eyes at the same time as me and giving me a small smile on coming fully awake, and somehow, our hands had found a way to curl around one another over the course of the night.
But also, every morning, a restless, inner fire greeted me, a blaze that twitched me down my path. As I ran, Ele barely restrained a veneer of red over my vision, and that white light followed my race down the road like a dog would with a bone, driving my travel ever faster until a journey that should have taken a week would only take days.
In the late afternoon, I leapt into the forest’s canopy, hiding among the leaves from the Kiraak patrolling below.
Out of everything, though, the evenings were the hardest part of my days. Because I refused to call on it once the sun had gone down, Ele couldn’t hold that restive fire at bay, and so, it burned through my resolve instead. Long were the hours where I fought for sleep rather than indulging in a tumble out of the trees to slaughter and dismember Kiraak to my heart’s content. The fire even followed me into my dreams, lighting my mind with visions of death until I woke up with an aching jaw, all to begin the day again.
On one such evening, I was drowsily laying in the crook of my tree branch, waiting for sleep to finish coming, when I heard my splinters murmuring somewhere nearby. When I glanced around, I failed to see them, but after focusing, I could still make out their words from wherever they’d hidden themselves.
“So, he’s back in full, then,” one said. “Is that good or bad for the plan?”
“I don’t know about the ‘in full’ part,” the other retorted. “From what I can tell, the base layer of his life has gotten through the artificial wall keeping it contained, but everything behind the ones that those two raised themselves? Not so much.”
With a frustrated sigh, the first one said, “Regardless. He has access to his memories of Hand training in Daira again. Do you think his skills from that time will return as well, now that his mind doesn’t have to hide that training from him? And if so, will that affect our plan?”
“How am I supposed to know? By me, you can’t rely on me for reassurance about this stuff, Order. It takes a lot out of me to support you in any way, and you keep doing it. I get it. You died and came back. That’s not something we’re supposed to deal with, and during that impossible event, we formed a weirdly gross and uncomfortable bond. But you have to give me a break every so often, ya bore. I will do my best to keep you stable but hell! The effort of it is already starting to wear at my… everything, including how firm my hold here is.”
There was some silence, but then, the first voice—presumably Bright’s—softly said.
“I know. I’m doing my best too.”
With a loud and long sigh, Dim said, “Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can find another form of support elsewhere. I know Raimie gets worried about you sometimes. He could-”
“Don’t even suggest it. He cannot, I repeat, cannot know how fallible we are. He relies on us too much for that.”
“…Whatever you say, stick in the mud.”
“Chaotic fool.”
“Stuck in your… no. You know what? Instead of arguing, let’s take the time to rest, yes?”
“Fine.”
They fell silent, and I was left wondering what I’d overheard before falling to nightmares again. As usual, that unconscious state placed its spell upon me, fuzzing over the moments right before it had come to visit. So, when I woke up, I knew a significant exchange had occurred between my splinters the night before, and I could vaguely remember what it had been about, but the details had disappeared into an unreachable part of my mind.
And so, the journey continued.
On the morning before we reached Tiro, something new came along to make an already difficult journey even more impossible. As I hovered in the unnerving space between dreams and waking, I heard an unknown and yet familiar voice roaring through my head.
COME HERE, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!
And Nylion, who’d been slowly blinking at me to that point, went absolutely white in the face before disappearing.
The next thing I knew I was far away from where I’d been resting with a knife drawn, digging at the ivy hanging over a hollow. I kept jerking my head between my work and the space behind me, where I’d been pointing the knife, but… there was nothing there. I had nothing to fear here…
And yet, I did. Someone was coming after me. I knew it. I didn’t know who it was or what, but they were coming. They were coming!
And- and- and I knew how to fight now. If someone tried to hurt me, I could hurt them right back. I could keep myself safe.
This thought was enough to stop me from digging for a place of safety, but even as I turned back toward where I thought the road might be, I couldn’t return my knife to its sheath. Gradually, I got it to a hanging spot beside my leg, but I couldn’t get further than that for the rest of the morning, always sure that someone was going to jump me if I relaxed my guard for a single moment.
Even if I also knew that probably wouldn’t happen.
It was strange and contradictory and completely out of proportion to what was happening around me, just like that weird thing that had happened in Sanc, and I hated it.
…Given the context of what I’d remembered, Ryvolim’s explanation from that day made a lot more sense.
Around midday, Nylion popped back into being. Giving the knife a strange look, he half-smiled at me before nudging my shoulder, saying not a word, and slowly, I put the weapon away.
When we eventually reached Tiro, I skipped going through the gate, leaping and clambering up the vines covering it until I was perched at the top. Without checking what was lying below me, I jumped into the abyss, landing with a shower of light into the midst of shouting people. Hands reached for me, and I retreated only to smoosh into a wall of flesh from behind. Was Tiro under attack? Gods, had I somehow been right this morning?
Then, I heard the chanting.
“Our king! Our liberator! Auden’s hope!”
And I peeled my hands away from my weapons. How had these people known…?
On the fringe of the crowd, one of Ren’s underlings nodded a cloth-swaddled head toward me, and I sighed. Someone must have spotted me as I’d approached the city. Given the reception I’d received, it must have been after my little… fit.
So. Tiro wanted to honor me for my victory at the Birthing Grounds, but if that was truly what they wanted, they were going about it the wrong way. I’d rather have them greeting my soldiers when they returned. They were the ones who deserved this celebration, but if the city insisted on honoring me, I wished it had come in the form of support for my next endeavor, not as a party.
As I pushed my way out of the crowd, I plastered a pleased grin on my face for their benefit, but I refused to stop. Soon enough, I broke through the crowd’s fringe and into an empty space, finally allowed to pick up the pace.
The celebration continued unabated behind me, which was good. I didn’t want to interrupt the crowd’s joy just because I didn’t agree with it.
Eledis was waiting for me outside of Tanwadur’s house, probably wanting a personal report of the battle, and at his presumption, I nearly stopped short while Nylion broke off to circle the old man. Somehow, I found the strength to keep moving despite the desire to draw Silverblade and run the old man through. Violence—murder—would be frowned upon in such a public place, and besides that and it being wrong, Eledis would handily defeat me. My grandfather was stronger, more powerful, and more conniving than my ignorant, former self could have comprehended.
Of all my targets, Eledis was the most dangerous. When it came to getting justice, I shouldn’t start with him but with the weakest instead.
Hissing, Nylion said, "Soon enough.”
And I nodded.
The moment we have an opportunity, I said.
In the house, I flung open the door to my family’s borrowed room, and my father looked up from the book he’d been reading.
“Raimie!” he said with a smile. “I didn’t expect you back for a few more days. How did you…?”
He continued rambling, which I half-listened to as I closed and latched the door behind me, and at my side, Nylion crossed his arms.
“So?” he asked. “How do we start?”
Like this.
“Nylion says hello,” I said, interrupting our father’s prattle.
Stiffening, he glanced toward mama’s bow, leaning at the foot of his bed, and Nylion burst into laughter.
“Oh my gods, that was perfect,” he said. “Even I am a little scared of you right now.”
No, you’re not.
“Don’t do it,” I said in warning to my father. “I’d fill you with holes before you reached it, even if you are my father.
No need to mention that the damage would come from the pistol resting at the small of my back, not the dark energy that I usually had on hand. Even days after my overuse, the thought of touching Daevetch made me feel shaky.
Watching my father nervously shift in place, I couldn’t help the little pulse of hurt that rose above the red haze that had been surrounding me for the last few days.
“So, it’s true,” I said. “You do know about him.”
Jerking his head toward me, Nylion said, “You doubted that?”
No, I hadn’t. But I also hadn’t wanted to believe it because… because I loved my father. He’d been so good to me, especially since I’d found Shadowsteal, and learning that he, specifically him, had done something so terrible to me hurt worse than I could say.
Why had I figured that out right now?
I condensed these complicated feelings down to one word for Nylion.
No.
But I thought he understood regardless, given how much he winced. Maybe some of what was coursing through me right now had flowed to him over our bond.
Slumping, my father said, “I’ve been waiting to have this conversation for years.”
He was quiet for a moment before setting his jaw.
“Your mother told me about that aberration in your head when you were three,” he continued, “but I didn’t believe it was real at first. Thought it was my imaginative boy having fun until… until after we took you to Allanovian.”
Allanovian? Was he talking about when he and the others had stolen Nylion from me or-?
“And that is supposed to excuse what you did?” Nylion hissed, advancing toward my father. “I have only ever done what was needed to keep us alive, and you… you!”
Gods… so much hatred! Alarmed, I reached for my other half, hoping it would calm him down, and only remembered that I was being watched halfway through lifting my arm.
Eyeing me, my father said, “He’s here right now, isn’t he? What’s he doing? Threatening to kill me?”
With a shriek, Nylion lifted his hands, strangling the air instead of the man he couldn’t touch.
“I do not want that! I have never wanted to kill people, you quick-to-judge, ignorant ass!” he hissed. “You made us this way. You! We’d never- never…”
Apparently unable to form more words, he simply stood there for a moment, tensed all to hell, so I did what I could to translate for the man who couldn’t hear any of that.
“Neither of us want you dead. This anger, however… it’s making it difficult to be around you. Still, I’m here because I want to know why Nylion was taken from me. Why did you let that happen?”
I wasn’t sure if my father believed my claim. He still looked ready to bolt, no matter how much he’d tried to relax. Getting up, he started toward me, and as he came closer, a wave of prickles rolled over my skin. I took several steps away, which made my father wince.
Stopping beside the door, he rested his hand on his hips with his head hanging.
Sighing, he said, “It needed to be done. There are things that… happened, things I’m pretty sure you don’t know about. Nylion was becoming… harmful. So, trust me, son, when I tell you that separating you two was for your own good.”
For my own good?
With familiar heat flashing through me, I barely kept from reaching for a weapon.
“How can you say that?” I forced through my clenched teeth. “Losing Nylion was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, and you caused it. You made me forget him. That’s like if I made you forget about mama. Worse, because he’s a part of me. And that’s not even touching on your total manipulation of my memories. Why would you take our years in Daira from me? Stealing Nylion wasn’t good enough? How can you argue that something so destructive was ‘for my own good’?”
My father had gone still, leaving the room quiet except for my gasping, and with a growl, Nylion ate the distance to the man, stepping toe-to-toe with him.
“I was alone for nine years,” he hissed. “Nine fucking years that felt like hundreds. I will have retribution for that.”
Of course, my father had heard none of this, and breaking free of his shock, he opened his mouth to retort with his face turning ruddy.
That was when the door banged open, whipping all three of us toward it.
Chapter 42: It's True
Raimie
In the room's threshold, Ren braced one hand against the doorframe while the other kept it from swinging closed.
The sight of her nipped my fury at my father in the bud with even Nylion going cold. Had she sprinted all this way to greet me after learning I was home? She must have missed me.
“Tell Kylorian to stop with the lies,” she gasped. “He claims that Hadrion fell in battle. The bastard insisted it was your fault.”
My smile slipped when I realized why Nylion had gone cold at the sight of her.
“Why don’t you come inside?” my father said. “Sit down. Please.”
While she hesitantly did as he’d suggested, he escaped through the open door behind her, and although normally, my father’s flight would have had me chasing after him, currently all I wanted to do was switch places with him, creating distance between myself and Ren. Obsessed with the wrongs committed against me, I’d forgotten what was waiting for me on my return to Tiro. I’d forgotten the grief and guilt that had been spawned by the death of an innocent, teenage boy.
How could I forget?
Flopping onto one of the room’s beds, Ren said, “Why did you fake it this time? As far as I know, Hadrion isn’t in any danger, not like Rhy was. Everyone he’s ever met loves him. So, did one of the Kiraak at the Birthing Grounds take a shine to him as well?”
Oh, how those teasing words hurt, making my heart break for her.
“Ren… it’s not a lie,” I made myself say.
Gods, why was saying this worse than what I’d done with my father? I didn’t want to tell her, wanted to let her live in blissful ignorance for a little while longer but…
“We cannot,” Nylion breathed.
Coming to me, he cupped my elbow, lowering his forehead to my shoulder.
“Tell her,” he said.
“What do you mean it’s not a lie?” Ren asked.
As she’d spoken, her teasing smile had started slipping and hell. This was going to kill me.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “Kylorian is… telling the truth. In the Birthing Grounds, an Enforcer snuck up on me and Hadrion while I was distracted. She took your brother hostage, and rather than allowing me to take his place, he… well, he died. I’m so sorry.”
For the longest time, Ren said nothing. Her face spoke for her, washing of color as it was.
“Get out,” she eventually said in a faint voice.
And I blinked. I’d expected a host of reactions from her: weeping, beating her fists on me, screaming. This wasn’t one of them.
“Are you…?”
But I wasn’t sure how to finish that question.
“Out! Before I do something I regret.”
Gods, her voice had been trembling with ferocity, and look at the tears in her eyes! Faced with the force of her cold fury, I retreated, and when the door snicked closed behind me, I collapsed on it.
Would she ever forgive me, or was I destined to endure her displeasure until the end of my days? Could I bear it if she blamed me? Why did the thought of that happening with her hurt worse than if it had been coming from someone like Ryvolim? He was my friend too. Why-?
Behind me, Nylion said, “She will eventually forgive you, heart of my heart. Vengefulness is not in her nature.”
Unlike with us, apparently. Although I didn’t know if I’d classify anything that had happened with my father as ‘revenge’.
When I glanced up at Nylion, he was hugging himself, which surprised me. He hadn’t been around much when I’d spent time with Ren, so why did he look almost as distressed by her reaction as I was? Was he merely feeling my emotions right now?
“What will I do if she looks at me with nothing but hate, Nyl?” I said. “I can’t… I can’t do that again.”
I wasn’t sure when this situation had happened before, but I couldn’t face seeing such a thing here.
Before Nylion could respond, heavy footfalls spun me around, and I nervously watched as Kylorian stormed toward me.
“Is Ren in there?” he said, jerking his head toward the door at my back.
Unable to say a word, I nodded. Kylorian had asked me to give him space, and yet, here I was, in his face less than a week after I’d last seen him. Gods, I was the worst friend.
“Did you tell her I wasn’t lying about… Hadrion?” he snapped.
Swallowing hard, I said, “Yes. Of course. I will never lie to her, not even to save myself from pain.”
Wordlessly, Kylorian examined me before nodding.
“I want to see her,” he said.
Coming forward, he reached around me for the knob at my back, but I grabbed his wrist before he could touch it, wincing all the while.
“That’s not a good idea,” I said. “She wants to be alone.”
Glaring at me, Kylorian said, “Is that what she said? Or does she not want to be around you?”
With a sharp breath, I pulled away, releasing Kylorian. After all, that thought had crossed my mind.
In the end, though, I didn’t think it was likely. Ren liked to show the world a brave face. She didn’t let many people near her when she was feeling vulnerable, and while she’d let the few of us she trusted help her at times, Hadrion’s death was a personal grief that she wouldn’t want to share with anyone. Even with two times practice, mourning a sibling wouldn’t be any less painful. The initial outpouring of emotion that was sure to be happening behind this door was for Ren and Ren alone.
That was what I thought, at least.
So, when Kylorian tried for the door again, perhaps taking my silence as assent, I stepped in between him and his goal.
“She said she wanted to be alone,” I repeated. “I think we should respect her wishes. When she’s ready to talk, I can come find you.”
Stiffening, Kylorian flexed his hands a few times before slumping.
“You’re right. Of course you’re right. She’ll come out when she’s good and ready,” he said. “I just… don’t know what to do with myself until then.”
Could I…? I didn’t know if this was a good idea but-
“If you like, I could buy us drinks at Sigemond’s,” I said. “We could wait for her there.”
“No,” Kylorian almost immediately replied. “I… appreciate the offer, Raimie. Truly. But I can’t. Still can’t. I’m sorry.”
Biting my lip, I hugged myself to contain my pain.
“Don’t apologize. I understand. I’m sorry that I… had to be around you so soon. After,” I said. “I’ll do my best to stay away while I’m in Tiro.”
“That might be for the best,” Kylorian said.
He turned to leave, but much as I should let him go, I still had a question for him, one that was burning a hole in my pocket.
“Why did you tell Ren that his death was my fault?” I said. “I thought- I thought you didn’t blame me for it.”
Kylorian stopped short, never turning toward me.
“I didn’t tell her anything like that,” he said. “All I did was tell her what happened, as much as I was able to at least. If she interpreted that to mean this was your fault, then that’s her beliefs speaking, not mine.”
Like a dagger, those words plunged straight into my heart, and I folded around the wound. I didn’t see Kylorian’s departure, overcome with what he’d said. Did Ren blame me?
“We cannot know the answer to that question until we ask her,” Nylion said. “Do not believe a single man’s word, especially about something like this. Only Ren can know what is going on inside her head.”
Right. Of course.
Able to breathe again, I straightened, but I wasn’t sure what I should do next. I badly wanted to open the door behind me and help Ren, but like I’d told Kylorian, I’d respect her wishes. If she needed space, then I’d give her space.
Besides, a ridiculous amount of work was crowding my plate, ready to provide a welcome distraction from… everything. I could catch up with my father and finish our conversation, or I could see what Eledis had come up with regarding plans for liberating Elisk, or I could find Tanwadur and apologize for Hadrion’s death… But that would probably end with a near-to-death beating and exile from Tiro.
Hell. When next we met, I’d be lucky if Hadrion’s father decided exile was enough of a punishment for me.
So, what else should I handle right now?
“Finish the conversation with your father,” Nylion said, biting off the words. “The rest can wait. We need to resolve what that man did to us.”
All right. I could do that. Before I could get started with it, though, something stopped me short.
“Raimie?”
The door might have muffled Ren’s quiet voice, but still, the sound of it kept me firmly stuck in place.
“Yes?” I hesitantly said, hoping she’d say something more.
Please, let her say a single word more to me.
“You can come in.”
I was through the door before I’d registered opening it. By some miracle, Ren had managed to keep her tears at bay to this point, but when she met my eyes, they spilled over. Tiny hiccups and gasps shook her frame, and crossing the distance to her, I drew her into a hug. Stiffening, she weakly pushed against me, but I wasn’t letting her go. Now that she’d let me in, I was never letting go.
“My baby brother,” she sobbed.
Pounding a fist on my back, she cried those words over and over again until her legs stopped supporting her, and I had to lower us onto a bed. With Nylion pressing up against her other side, I arranged her in my lap. I let Ren soak my clothes with her tears while my spirit fractured alongside hers, and as I ran my fingers through her hair, she gradually calmed down before drifting into dreams, despite the sun’s height in the sky.
And I refused to move.
Chapter 43: My Intentions
Eledis
“Laest one fur evening, uld man,” Sigemond told me.
His peculiar accent always made it difficult to understand him when I was in this completely sloshed state, but his meaning got pretty clear when he thumped a tankard of ale in front of me, giving me a pointed look, before returning to his other customers.
“I’m not… old,” I shouted after him. “So rude.”
The guard who’d originally accompanied me here had long since departed, giving some bullshit excuse about his duty to Kaedesa to excuse his abandonment. After he’d left, I’d done the same for a time, meaning to find somewhere I wouldn’t make a fool of myself, but then, I’d run into Raimie in Tiro’s training yard and…
Suffice it to say that our chance meeting hadn’t gone well. With an aching back and a limp, I’d haltingly returned to the comfort of this tavern and its well-known wares.
Folding my body around my mug, I sipped the foam on its lip. What made that Alouin damned barkeep think that he could cut me off? I was descended from royalty. By rights, I should get all of the ale I wanted. If I were king…
Well, if I were king, circumstances would be much different. Feeling myself growing maudlin, I tossed back my drink.
“Someone should play a cheerier tune, damnit!” I shouted.
The man in the corner, who’d been contentedly strumming his lute’s strings, jerked toward me, making a jarring note clash with his song.
“His playing’s fine,” an unseen patron shouted back. “Go home if you don’t like it, old man.”
And I shot to my feet, clinging to the table while the tavern spun.
“I am not old,” I growled. “Who said that? Come here and say it to my face!”
As if I’d told some joke, the other tavern’s patrons returned to their drinks with indulgent smiles in place. Even Sigemond was smirking, where he was wiping his damn dirty rag over his damn glasses. Alouin, it was outrageous.
“Attend to me, you worthless peasants!” I shouted.
After a pause, the room erupted into laughter, and fire sprang to life in me.
“I could have your heads,” I roared, drawing Shadowsteal. “All of you!”
The tavern fell still with the patron’s panicked titters as loud as screams. Everyone knew that drawing a weapon in a tavern was one of the most anathema of taboos. Put a sharp edge in the hands of a drunkard, and someone was liable to get hurt or dead.
Before anyone could move or decide to be a hero, the tavern’s door banged open.
“There you are!” a familiar voice said.
Whirling toward it, I stumbled, bringing Shadowsteal to bear on the intruder.
Marcuset. Oh, hell…
“Apologies for my friend, Sigemond,” the commander said. “He’s never handled his liquor well.”
As he strode toward me, he locked his eyes on mine, and on stopping outside of my reach, he crossed his arms.
“Put it away,” he said.
So, the commander wanted to play that game, did he? Well, royalty could participate in a staring contest just as well as a soldier. For as long as I must, I could meet those exhausted, pitying, concerned…
Sheathing Shadowsteal, I hung my head, and stepping forward, Marcuset grabbed my arm, dragging me to the door.
“Some coin for your trouble.”
The leftovers of my friend’s voice mingled with the jingle of chits sliding against one another.
“Please, don’t let the king hear about this,” Marcuset said.
Sigemond heaved a sigh while scraping the coins against wood.
“He’s nu lunger welcome in bar,” he said.
“Fair enough,” Marcuset said.
Once we were outside, I stumbled down the porch’s stairs, and my friend slung one of my arms over his shoulders, miraculously keeping me from faceplanting in the stone beneath us. We shuffled down deserted streets until Marcuset found an empty doorway for us to slump in.
“How dare he forbid me from his establishment,” I mumbled to myself. “Such a transgression demands… demands fitting punishment. I should give him a piece… of my mind.”
“Don’t bother. I doubt he cares about what you have to say,” Marcuset said. “Besides, I’ve already given him an appropriate punishment.”
A whisky bottle of excellent quality had appeared in my friend’s hand, but I was too drunk to truly appreciate its value.
“This is why people don’t like the Esela,” I said with my words slurring together. “Magic is cheating, would make thieving like you did so much easier, and you’re full of it tonight.”
“How do you mean?” Marcuset asked.
Uncorking the bottle, he took a swig from it before offering it to me.
“I mean that you’re supposed to be at the Birthing Grounds, which is at least a hundred miles away.”
When I tilted my head back, fire scoured my mouth, and I smiled. Now, I could appreciate this whisky’s quality.
“Before deserting us at the Birthing Grounds, Kaedesa lent us a few horses, for use in case of emergency,” Marcuset said. “I figured that the two of you meeting up qualified as an emergency, so I followed her as soon as I could. It seems I wasn’t fast enough to prevent a disaster, though.”
Nope. I wasn’t thinking about Kaedesa right now. I wouldn’t do it.
“Who’d you leave in charge at the Birthing Grounds?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
As if the answer had been obvious, Marcuset drawled, “Oswin.”
“Oh. Good choice.”
Taking another swig, I handed the bottle back, and sipping at its amber liquid, Marcuset watched me with glittering eyes, as if assessing me.
“A question’s been eating at me for a while, my friend,” he said.
Rolling my head toward him, I said, “What’s that?”
For a moment, Marcuset shifted in place, but eventually, he answered me.
“I know you have plans in Auden, but I can’t be sure if any of them will end with Raimie left alive.”
Freezing with the bottle halfway to my lips, I forced out a laugh.
“Are you asking if I’m planning to have a family member killed?” I asked.
With a heavy sigh, Marcuset said, “Yes, Eledis.”
Well, fuck. I’d never thought my friend would actually ask about this.
“Why, Marcuset,” I said. “I do believe you’re trying to take advantage of my ine-inebriated state.”
Tensing, Marcuset squeezed his hands together, which was his tell-tale sign that he was about to lose his temper.
“Answer the question, please,” he said.
Agh! Sometimes, I wanted to tear my friend’s throat out. Why wouldn’t he leave this be?
“YES! If I need to kill Raimie to reach the end goal, I’ll do it,” I snapped. “But I don’t want to. If Raimie keeps following his role in my script, then he’ll live a long, happy life, probably with Ren. They can have a horde of Eselan brats together. Or maybe it’ll be with Kaedesa. Wouldn’t that be funny?”
Tilting the bottle back, I drained it, coughing as its liquid went down. With his mouth dropped open, Marcuset had pressed his back into the doorframe, pushing against the ground to get as far away from me as possible.
“That’s what she wanted?” he said. “To marry him?”
I nodded.
“We thought we were so clever, burning her journals when we needed to escape her notice,” I said. “Don’t we look like fools now.”
“I’m… so sorry, Eledis,” Marcuset said. “I know what that first marriage did to you.”
“Don’t.”
I didn’t want to go there, and fortunately, Marcuset dropped it. Resting my head against the doorframe, I’d almost dozed off when my friend spoke again.
“So. As long as Raimie hands the throne over to you at the end, you won’t kill him?” he asked.
“That about sums it up,” I said, lazily waving a hand through the air. “I doubt Raimie will want to keep it anyway, and after all these years, I think I deserve it, don’t you, Emir?”
“Don’t call me that,” my friend said. “I left that name and life behind years ago. You should do the same, Eledis, but… you never will. You cling to your name like it’s your last buoy in a hurricane, but I’m not like you. I’m Marcuset now.”
Yawning, I slowly said, “Fiiine. Since we’re on the subject of names, why’d you choose such a stupid one for these people?”
Marcuset groaned.
“I wanted Marcus, but there’s a silly, social convention about naming in Ada’ir at the moment.”
“Ah, yes,” I said. “Esela get two syllables or less for their names while humans must have more.”
“Exactly. So, I was forced to take a longer name rather than something I’m comfortable with,” my friend said. “Hence, Marcuset.”
As I guffawed, the intensity of my laughter drove sleep to the fringes for a moment.
“Oh, I can just imagine your first meeting in Ada’ir’s court:
“‘Hello, my name’s Marcus,’ you say, introducing yourself.
“She looks at you and your extended hand with distaste. ‘Marcus…?’ she asks.
“Shit, you think, Alouin damned people and their stupid rules. What can I tack on so the name has a third syllable? And the name Marcuset was dragged from your reluctant lips.”
With a smirk, Marcuset said, “That’s remarkably accurate.”
I snorted, barely keeping from laughing again.
“I’m never going to let you live that down,” I said.
“You’ve obviously not had enough to drink,” Marcuset said over my helplessly renewed laughter. “Let’s fix that.”
He pulled another bottle from seeming thin air, and the two of us eagerly set upon it.
The next morning, this house’s owner would find us passed out in front of her door, and her outraged shouting would wake the block, but we wouldn’t care. We’d continue as we always had, two friends somehow still bonded together in their fight against the world.
Chapter 44: Gaining Him Means Losing Her
Raimie
Pins and needles were running rampant over my leg, but still, I wouldn’t shift Ren off of me. I didn’t want to disturb her rest, of course, but I also sincerely liked having her body pressed against mine.
Everything about her was soft—her skin, her hair, her lips—and she smelled amazing. She had an understated beauty, something that sometimes took my breath away. It wasn’t the same as Kaedesa with her curves and confidence, which frankly, intimidated me sometimes. No, Ren’s lean frame and long legs had always appealed to me.
I could kiss her awake, hold her tight, and show her that something good still existed in her grief-stricken world, but… now didn’t seem like the best time for that.
“I do not think she would mind at this point,” Nylion said.
Nestled against her, he looked drowsy, perfectly at ease for once, which I found a little strange. I was glad to see it, but why was he acting this way around her when he’d never relaxed around anyone besides me before?
She might not mind, but I would, I said.
Nylion lazily drifted his blue eyes, the only part of his face that wasn’t smashed beyond recognizability, to me.
“You would?” he said before his confusion cleared. “Ah. Yes, you would. I can feel it, which is strange because you were just admiring her body.”
Glaring at him, I said, Can you blame me?
As Nylion traced what he could see of Ren, he hummed.
“No. No, I cannot,” he said.
And gods, that bounce of need between us, back and forth, one to the other. It was… distracting.
Laughing under his breath, Nylion said, “And you still think that Ren is merely a friend? Even with that?”
What else am I supposed to call her? I said with a frown. I mean… yes. I feel MORE for her than I do for Ryvolim or Oswin or Dath, but I don’t know what the distinction is. Maybe… love? Hadrion… asked me about that a while ago.
Slamming my eyes closed, I pushed back a sharp sting of grief, rising from within. I must have shifted in the process because with a sharply drawn breath, Ren moved her head on my leg.
Blinking, she sleepily smiled at me for a single, blissful moment before realization hit her, and she jerked upright, almost clipping my chin with her forehead. Nervously giggling, she swiped at her face and hair.
“Can’t believe I fell asleep on you,” she said. “I must look like a mess.”
Exchanging a glance with Nylion, I said, “You’re a vision of beauty.”
Maybe I didn’t know what to call this strange thing I had with Ren. Maybe it was love. In the end, I didn’t think it needed a label. It was nice and good, and I’d simply… go with it. Move along in this relationship in whatever way felt right.
Frowning at me, Ren shifted off of my lap, and somehow, I kept from making a face at that loss of contact. I couldn’t, however, protest what she’d done, not in the face of why we were here.
“What now?” I asked.
What more did she need from me right now? I’d do anything to help.
Wiping her eyes, Ren said, “You must be busy. I’ve taken up enough of your time, I know, but… I can’t deal with what’s waiting beyond that door yet. Will you sit with me for a little while? Maybe you could tell me a story. As a distraction, obviously.”
Flushing, she glanced away.
Stay with her? Tell her stories?
“I’d love to,” I said with a smile.
I couldn’t blame her for wanting to stay here. Who wanted to plan a sibling’s burial?
So, I told her a horror story that mama had once whispered to me on the darkest of nights, trying to make me scream. What had failed to scare me in the past worked its magic on Ren, and while she playfully slapped at me, I rubbed at my ringing ears, laughing.
At her insistence, I switched to fairy tales, and as I engulfed us in make-believe worlds of magic and duels and evil vanquished by good, time passed us by. I took great pride in sharing one of my favorite stories about the Eselan Preserver, one that she joined in on halfway through the telling. Apparently, tales of the world’s legendary savior weren’t centered solely in Ada’ir.
I still couldn’t quite believe that they were stories about my friend.
After one especially grisly story, Ren said, “Your home kingdom must be peaceful indeed if wars are held in such high regard there.”
“Ada’ir is nothing like Auden,” I said, “but it’s had its fair share of trouble.”
I told her about rebellions against Ada’ir’s queen and pirate attacks on coastal cities. At some point, the narrative shifted to details about my life, and with nostalgia, I talked about the winter when my family and I had nearly starved to death because of our poor planning, which sent her into a fit of laughter.
Of course, now I knew that that winter had been our first freezing season away from Daira’s comforts, but I didn’t tell her about that. In fact, I avoided anything that had come before my ninth birthday. Those recently recovered memories—so many of them and more pouring into my head every day—were too raw and fresh to share with someone else, even someone like Ren.
“She would not understand,” Nylion said. “Not yet.”
More like she’d think I’d lost my mind for forgetting so much about my life, I said, but point taken.
With a soft smile, Nylion said, “You would be surprised how easily love can color someone’s vision, heart of my heart, and I believe this is how Ren feels about you. I doubt she would think you are crazy.”
Well, that made me beyond uncomfortable.
Snorting, I said, Like you’ve had any experience with love.
But Nylion met my eyes, completely serious, as he said.
“I have. With you.”
My thoughts screeched to a stop, and as my body stiffened against her, Ren frowned at me.
Wha… what do you mean? I said.
Shaking his head, Nylion said, “It is not finished, then. That is fine. Stop focusing on me, Raimie, when Ren is right here. With you.”
I couldn’t close my gaping mouth, though. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of Nylion, who was absently tapping his fingers on his knees, as I wondered what he could have meant. If this thing I had with Ren was love, then… did that mean Nylion felt the same way about me?
That couldn’t be right, could it? We were the same, each one half of a whole. Could one love oneself in the same way I felt about Ren? The idea felt… strange. I didn’t know what to do with it.
“Raimie?” Ren said.
Shaking my whole body, I said. “Sorry. Sorry! Where were we?”
Still a little addled, I continued with my stories, but soon enough, I was drawn back into a verbal dance with Ren. Over the course of my stories, she shifted her body’s weight against me, closing her eyes, but quiet murmurs of surprise and appreciation let me know she was still listening.
I cautiously wrapped an arm around her, and when she snuggled deeper into my chest, I happily hummed, resting my chin on her head. The position made talking difficult—the back of her head was pushing into my neck—but I enjoyed the brush of her hair against it too much to move.
We’d folded ourselves into a warm cocoon of safety and contentment, a barrier against the hardships looming over our heads, and I never wanted to leave it.
It cracked when someone knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Ren called.
The door opened with a thud, and frowning, I blinked at Kylorian. Compared to the sense of peace that Ren and I had been floating in for the last hour, he looked devastated. Stains were streaked down his clothes, and a puffy, soon-to-be-bruise rested on the crest of his cheekbone. His eyes looked wild, and I could smell the alcohol soaking him from the opposite side of the room.
Gods, I didn’t like seeing him like this. He must be hurting, which pained me in turn.
“You!” he shouted, pointing at me. “You were supposed to find me when Ren was ready for company, you…”
Swaying in place, he searched for the word he wanted.
“Liar! You big fucking liar!”
He seemed mildly pleased with himself for having remembered what he’d needed to say.
With a gasp, Ren said, “Language, Ky! Hell. How much have you had to drink?”
“None of your business,” Kylorian growled, wobbling. “You should be with mom and dad, helping with Hadrion. Instead, you’re here. Alone. With him.”
That had me bristling, but before I could say anything, Ren squeezed my thigh until sparks of pain shot up it.
“I’ll head upstairs soon,” she said. “Will you join us until then, or would you rather sleep off what you’ve drunk first?”
As he tried to figure out whether Ren’s question had been hiding an insult in it, Kylorian screwed his face up, and after a beat, Ren waved him away.
“You’ll do what you must, as usual,” she said. “Is there anything else I should know before you leave?”
Kylorian must have missed the warning in Ren’s voice because he remained fixed in place, thinking, before snapping his fingers.
“There’s a woman outside who insists on speaking with your lover,” he said.
That last word saw Ren shrinking on herself, and glancing at her, I rubbed her shoulder. Why would she take issue with Kylorian calling me her ‘lover’? I did… love her. I thought. So, why was that one word a problem?
“Quite a temper on that one,” Kylorian continued. “She almost sicced her goons on me when I didn’t let her into the house.”
And that description distinctly reminded me of someone I knew.
“Gods damnit,” I said. “Did she have green eyes and brown hair, like a chestnut?”
“Yup,” Kylorian said.
Groaning, I smacked my head against the wall, which made Kylorian laugh for some reason.
“All right, Ky,” Ren growled. “You can get out now.”
Once he was gone, we heard his laughter through the door and down the corridor beyond, but as soon as he was out of earshot, Ren rounded on me.
“Who is this woman Ky’s talking about?” she asked.
Oh Alouin, why had she so quickly zeroed in on the source of my discomfort? And how did I explain this without upsetting Ren?
Maybe I should stick with the simplest answer.
“The queen of Ada’ir,” I said, barely keeping from wincing.
This only made Ren more curious.
“And what does a queen want with you?” she said.
Chewing on my lip, I considered lying to her, but… that seemed like a bad practice when with those that one… loved. Plus, I’d always been the worst liar.
“She wants to expand her power base,” I said. “When I fled her realm, I commandeered a few of her assets, which has put me in her debt. She wants me to repay that debt in an unusual manner.”
“I’m sorry. Why does stealing from a person you’re fleeing from put you in her debt?” Ren snapped.
Um… wasn’t the answer to that question obvious?
When I thought about it, though, I actually… didn’t have an answer to Ren’s question, but before I could truly think about it, she shook her head.
“Let’s set that aside,” she said. “How does she expect you to repay her?”
Shit.
Coughing, I mumbled my response under my breath.
“What was that?” Ren asked.
And as I’d always done when I was in trouble, I looked to Nylion for help.
With a soft smile, my other half said, “How is hiding it from her going to help?”
But… I didn’t want to tell her. If I did… if I-
“Raimie!” Ren snapped.
“Marriage, gods damnit!” I shouted. “She wants to marry me.”
I ran my hands through my hair, tugging on its strands.
“She’s offered the support of her kingdom’s military and economic wealth in exchange for a place at my side as the queen of Auden.”
With no strength left, I let my hands flop into my lap, inspecting them as if they were the most fascinating items in the world. I didn’t want to know what Ren was thinking, didn’t want to hear it, but when she eventually broke the silence, she sounded calmer than I’d thought she’d be.
“How would that work?” she asked. “Would she keep Ada’ir’s throne when she took her place as queen here?”
“Yes. It’s not unprecedented in history,” I said. “The Southern Kingdoms trade hands via bride so often that the political landscape in the south can change over the course of months rather than decades.”
On hearing what I’d said, I grimaced. My early lessons from politics and history tutors were ringing clear as a bell, now that my mind didn’t need to fabricate a tale about where the information had come from.
“What do you think of this offer?” Ren asked, this time dangerously calm.
“I hate it!” I said. “I-”
Laying a hand on my chest, Ren forced me to meet her eyes.
“Raimie, what do you honestly think?” she said.
Why? Why was she doing this to me?
“Personally, I’d reject this proposal outright. I’m not sure how it would affect you or our relationship with one another, but I know it would, and… I like what we have here.”
I grabbed Ren’s hand before looking away.
“As for what’s best for Auden, I’d be crazy not to accept. We could use the influx of soldiers and supplies, and despite what Kaedesa might think, she wouldn’t be the only one expanding her realm’s influence. Auden would have a say in what happens across the sea.”
There was a small pause, leaving me fighting to control my breathing, while Nylion crawled around Ren to the other side of me. He laid a hand on my cheek.
“Whatever she says, we will be ok,” he said. “Eventually.”
Why had he said that? Why-?
“Then, you must accept.”
For a moment, I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t accept what had come out of Ren’s mouth. She hadn’t said that. She hadn’t.
“Ren. What are you-?” I started.
“Hush, now,” she said.
She smoothed a hand across my face, where Nylion’s had been resting, to turn me toward her, and I flinched at the look on her face.
“You are a king, my love. In all things, you must conduct yourself in a manner that betters Auden,” she quietly said. “Your wants. Your desires. They have no relevance anymore. To this point, you’ve been allowed to do as you please because your successes have dazzled the populace, but eventually, your freedom to do this will shrink. It will start now, I suppose.”
All of which made me want to scream.
“The Audish people haven’t even accepted me as their king! Kylorian and I mean to let them choose between us,” I said. “So, let’s not make any hasty decisions until…”
I trailed off at Ren’s smile, bittersweet and withering as it was.
“Tiro already lauds you, much as it might seem otherwise, and once they get to know you, the cities that Doldimar holds under his thumb will quickly forgive your relation to the king of old, much like we have,” she said. “My brother doesn’t stand a chance against your claim to the throne.”
“How can you tell me to- to accept this?” I said.
The conclusion our conversation was leading to? I’d started to see how inevitable it was, and hell if it wasn’t making me reckless with my words. I needed to scream them at her, making her see, but I kept my voice level. Somehow.
“You and I, we have something real here. You make me feel safe in a way that no one else has ever come close to doing. It’s almost like… you’ve become my best ally, the only person who’s more-than-a-friend to me, and I need that right now,” I said. “If I marry her, it will be gone forever.”
Straddling me, Ren ground her elbows into my collarbones to hold me firmly in place, and my resulting wave of nausea and terror broke off any further protestations I’d have made.
“You see me differently than other people do, my love,” she said. “You appreciate me despite my shortcomings, those that the Audish populace will never accept in a queen. They’ll never let a half-Eselan sit on the throne.
“I love you, Raimie.”
And through this declaration, Ren’s longing poured from her like a tidal wave.
“But I love the idea of an Auden that’s free from Doldimar more.”
She leaned in, but no passion fueled this kiss. Desperation made her clench my hair and neck, but her lips were light on mine. When she pulled away, I scrambled to chase her, but she pushed me back down.
“Our relationship was finished the moment your queen made her offer.”
Sliding off of me, Ren stalked to the door, and when I tried to follow, she glared over her shoulder.
“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” she said.
And she was gone.
Chapter 45: Life Is Never Fair
Raimie
How could Ren do this? It made no logical sense for her to say she loved me and then, walk away. She’d said those three, beautiful words, the ones I’d never known I needed to hear. She loved me, and I could do NOTHING about it.
Because much as it hurt to admit, Ren was right. I needed Kaedesa.
Flopping sideways, I curled into a ball, distantly aware of Nylion clutching my head to him. An overbearing voice in my head was screaming denial. I didn’t need Kaedesa. I needed nothing. Not Tiro, not my family, not the army. Nothing.
Skills imparted through years of lessons and training had forged Nylion and I into a self-sufficient being. We could hunt and gather, had learned how to build makeshift shelters, and knew how to locate water sources, and companionship had never been an issue. So long as one of us lived, the other would exist, a friendly presence overlaying every thought.
If Nylion’s companionship wasn’t enough—which I had to be honest, it would be—I knew I could persuade Ren to come with me into the wilds if she gave me a chance. We could have a quiet life together, avoid Kiraak patrols, build a home to defend.
So, why hadn’t I run yet? What the hell had so thoroughly ensnared me and Nylion here?
“We need Kaedesa,” my other half said with his voice breaking.
Denial rose again. We didn’t need her. Marcuset would gladly welcome her troops, and Eledis would love to have the backing of Ada’ir’s court, but even those two didn’t need her.
Who did? The Audish people? Why should I care what happened to them? I felt for them, truly, but they weren’t my people, not yet at least. They weren’t the chain that was tethering me in place.
“No,” Nylion said. “They aren’t.”
My muscles went loose, and with a lengthy hiss, the ball of flesh that was me unfurled. The soldiers, mercenaries, and gullible farm boys who’d followed me across the sea. They were my cage.
“Our family,” Nylion said in correction.
“I know.”
Those people had trusted that a naïve boy could lead them to victory, all based on a foretelling that had backed him, and I’d brought them to a hostile land, fraught with danger and death. They were my responsibility. I needed to provide them with a refuge, and to do that, I needed more resources. So, in essence, they needed Kaedesa, and for their sakes, so did I.
Which meant that for the sake of those I called family, I must close my heart to the one I’d come to love and turn it to another.
Instead, I reached for the one who’d always been there, desperately seeking a sense of comfort, much as I had as a little boy. What rose to greet me from Nylion, however, was a pang that echoed my own distress, and I was unbearably grateful that our bond had been weakened. Bouncing grief from me to Nylion and back again, multiplying its strength with each pass, would culminate in me doing something incredibly rash. It had happened before.
“I am sorry, heart of my heart. Truly, I am,” Nylion said. “I wish I could give you what you need, but… I liked her too.”
“It’s…”
I couldn’t finish that thought. Hopefully, Nylion could feel how much I didn’t blame him for what he was feeling. How could I expect him to shut down his emotions when I’d never come close to doing the same?
So, what else could I do to relieve this furious energy, the pressure threatening to burst me into chunks? I needed another solution.
I needed to hit something. Maybe Tiro’s training yard was open, despite the late hour.
When I reached the front door to Tanwadur’s house, I slammed it open with more force than I’d intended, storming down the street that would lead me to the training yard.
“Raimie!” someone called behind me.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I slowed down to let her catch up.
“Have you thought about what I proposed?” Kaedesa asked, out of breath.
“Yes,” was all I said.
“And?”
That question brought me to a halt, although Kaedesa strode forward for a few more feet before noticing.
“Yes,” I hissed through my teeth. “I’ll marry you, but don’t expect me to help with the arrangements, Auntie. I’m much too busy planning a war.”
“Auntie?” Kaedesa said, wrinkling her nose. “What-? Why does that sound so familiar?”
But I was already out of sight.
The training yard’s master looked surprised to see me.
“How may I help you, Your Majesty?” he asked.
I’d gone distant, far from the world and myself. Still, I knew what I needed.
Glancing over what was available here, I said, “Looking to hit something.”
“Sure, that’s what this place is for. We don’t allow outside weapons into the yard, though, Your Majesty. Only blunted blades and the like,” the master said, flicking his eyes up and down my frame.
“I know how a training yard works,” I said.
As I unbuckled Silverblade, removing several other weapons as I did, I frowned.
“You don’t happen to stock staves here, do you?”
“Of course. We wouldn’t be much of a training yard if we didn’t supply even the poorest of weapons,” the master said, even as he juggled my recently freed blades. “But even with you unarmed, there’s still the matter of the… um. The…”
When he coughed, I sharply glanced at the man. When had that rumor become fact in Tiro?
“Primeancy? I didn’t plan on using it,” I said. “I need to hit something, not destroy it, but if it will make you happy, I can make a vow to shun all primal energy while here.”
“No, no!”
The man shook his head so vigorously that I was worried the pistol at the pinnacle of my weapons might go off.
“That won’t be necessary,” he said. “Staves are in the far-left corner.”
“Thank you, good sir.”
When I bowed to him, the yard’s master flinched, and I inwardly groaned as I turned away. Seemed I still hadn’t mastered the acting kingly bit yet.
This training yard had a surprisingly extensive weapons collection: swords of all types, shields, bows and arrows, pikes, and lances. As the place’s master had indicated, the staves stood in the furthest corner. It was the spindliest and sparsest of the assorted weapons with only a handful here, and of those, most were poorly weighted and shoddily crafted.
They’d do.
I rubbed a thumb against one, relishing the feel of the wood’s grain beneath my finger, before making a face. I missed Rhylix. He was an excellent sparring partner, always adjusting his skill level to match his opponent’s. With my friend’s new façade in place, would he and I get to spar like we once had?
Either way, he wasn’t here now, which was disappointing because I didn’t think I’d find another decent challenger in this sparsely populated yard. That was what I wanted: a fight with an evenly matched opponent, but if I couldn’t have that, I’d take what was available.
When a hand landed on my shoulder, I jumped. How had someone snuck up on me…?
Well. Given my distracted state, that question seemed a bit silly once I thought about it.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Eledis said beside me, swaying in place much like Kylorian had been earlier. “I heard that Kaedesa made you a tempting offer, and I’ve come here, hoping I can convince you to reject it.”
Was Eledis drunk?
“Well, you’re too late,” I said. “I’ve already accepted her proposal.”
Pulling a staff out of its barrel, I winced. The ends of this one might be smoothly polished, but the wood in the center was still rough. If I used it, I’d get splinters in no time, so it was quickly returned to its place.
“Raimie, marrying Kaedesa is a supremely bad idea,” Eledis said. “I know some things about her that you probably don’t, things that might change your mind about her proposal. Come with me, and let’s discuss them.”
Sighing, I rounded on the old man with my hands on my hips.
“Thank you, but I’m pretty sure I know the relevant facts, Eledis,” I said. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m trying to blow off some steam.”
Eledis’ face bloomed red.
“Insolent child. I’ve given you everything, and you spit my generosity back in my face,” he said. “Well, don’t come crying to me when you learn the great queen of Ada’ir’s many secrets.”
Spinning in place, he stalked off, leaving me boiling over inside. When had that old man ever sacrificed anything for his family?
Eledis had known about the bruises that I’d hidden beneath my clothing, passively watched when Daira’s citizens had beaten me bloody because of my primeancy. He’d forced me to participate in the violent quelling of a rebellion when I was six-years-old. He’d been an accomplice in Nylion’s banishment and the fracturing of my memories. Even after we’d moved into the forest, Eledis had only ever stayed in his damned cottage, emerging solely for forays to Fissid where he’d drunk the night away. How often had he screamed at my father when he’d thought I wasn’t listening?
By the time these indignities had finished passing through my mind, I’d already crossed the distance opening between me and him with Nylion at my side, and look! Daevetch was coating my hands.
“Eledis!” I shouted.
The old man turned, and I packed my body’s weight into my swing, connecting my fist with his cheekbone. Eledis stumbled backward, crashing through the supports of several training dummies before colliding with a fence. As its wood splintered, that loud crack drew the attention of everyone present, and on seeing the destruction unleashed among them, most sidled toward the training yard’s exit.
Having nearly fallen from the force of my punch, I righted myself, rubbing my hand, and when my grandfather peeled himself off of the fence, I threw a Daevetch bolt within inches of that white-clouded head. Eledis whipped around to look at the new break.
“A small gift from me,” I shouted.
With a jerking turn, I headed for the training yard’s exit with Nylion beside me.
“You meant that to be from me, yes?” he said.
Of course I did, I said, but I couldn’t say that, not without tipping him off to the fact that you’re back. I know our father might talk but…
“Best to keep things quiet for now,” Nylion said. “Thank you, heart of my heart.”
Sure.
Stopping for a moment, I pretended to look over what I’d done to this place, but I ended my inspection on Nylion.
I don’t know what to think of many things when it comes to us, including all that you’ve recently confessed, I said, but I do know I would do anything for you. Never doubt that.
With a small smile, Nylion said, “I never will.”
Setting off again, I quickly reached a shocked training yard master.
“I know. I said I wouldn’t use primeancy,” I said, “but trust me when I say that this was warranted. Even still. I’ll make sure you’re recompensed.”
The dazed man nodded, and as I left, I whistled to myself, a happy tune that was incredibly off-key, but honestly? I didn’t care about that. All I could consider was how funny it was that a single, well-deserved punch could lighten one’s mood.
Chapter 46: Shift in Perspective
Ryvolim
Raimie had left for Tiro without me. My friend had promised to stay out of trouble for one day while I fought against an energy drain’s pull, and the kid had run off, sans protection, through one of the most well-traveled regions of Doldimar’s domain, without me.
Well, Raimie didn’t need to worry about that danger anymore. I was going to kill the bastard once I’d caught up.
I refused to admit that I was exaggerating my anger at my friend to keep other, less easily manipulated emotions at bay.
Don’t you get sick of it? All the hatred, I mean.
What’s happened in the past does NOT define the future.
No. Anger moved me forward. Anger had pieced my mask together, pasting it to my face. Anger made my flight down enemy-infested roads swift.
Guilt. Grief. Regret. I had no time for these emotions or any others. Not right now.
Raimie had a two-day head start on me. Recovering from a weeks-long grip on a human form had taken longer than I’d anticipated, which had left me confused. Usually, the force that kept me in perfect health didn’t let me experience any form of exhaustion for long.
Given this, my gratitude to Oswin knew no bounds, for the moment at least. He’d kept me hidden and fed for the two days I’d been out of commission. Oswin had also been the one to tell me that Raimie had left the Birthing Grounds. He’d seemed pleased by my immediate decision to go after my friend, even though my recovery had been far from complete, and for once, I found that I couldn’t blame someone else for their manipulation of me. Oswin’s charge had abandoned him again, and he didn’t have the ability to follow Raimie as quickly as I could. If our roles had been reversed, I’d have tried the same trick on the spy.
It was funny how one human’s exploitation of me felt acceptable but my friend’s broken promise prompted nothing but outrage.
When I arrived outside of Tiro, that anger was the only thing that propelled me into the city, keeping my exhaustion at bay.
“Where is he?” I snapped.
Wincing, Creation said, “The training yard with Eledis. Careful, Eriadren. Something’s broken within him since you two last spoke.”
“More than it already was?” I said, mostly to myself.
“Mm,” was all Creation hummed in response.
As I stormed toward the training grounds, I forcibly parted a stream of people, all retreating to their homes for the evening, but soon enough, I spotted a familiar mop of drab hair bobbing amongst relative strangers.
“There you are!” I said when I met my friend.
With a tired smile, Raimie said, “Hey, Rhy. I’m glad you’re here.”
Damn, Creation had been right. I’d never heard my friend sound so dead before.
Even still, I grabbed Raimie’s shoulders, flipping him around. Placing a hand between his shoulder blades, I pushed him back the way he’d come.
“What are you doing?” Raimie said. “Rhy! I need to sleep.”
“So do I!” I snapped.
Probably more than he did too.
When we reached the training yard, I brushed myself and Raimie past its startled master, coming to a stop in its wide, open space. It was empty, abandoned for the night save for the yard master who’d been closing shop when we’d arrived, but this was good. It meant I wouldn’t have to hold back.
Drawing my sword, I said, “Time for a lesson.”
“What-?”
I didn’t let Raimie finish his question. When I lunged, my friend was lucky enough to lean away from the swipe before it cleaved him in two. Silverblade was out of its scabbard, and we descended into a frantic fight, and for me, it was fueled by a wealth of bitter emotions, sunk below the surface. All of them safely hidden until a trigger had brought them to the forefront.
Anger pushed me a step beyond the normal limits I set in place when fighting my friend, but surprisingly, Raimie kept up with me. I read the intensity of his own emotional state in how recklessly he abandoned his safety, willfully overreaching at time. His fighting style begged for me to smash through his defenses and strike him down, which…
Why was that?
For a moment, I reined in my fury, wondering whether Raimie’s lack of self-preservation was what had let him match my speed. Then, I saw Ele’s light dancing across his skin.
Drawing upon my own supply of that energy, I became a blur. With his magically enhanced speed, Raimie could almost match me, but he had neither the experience needed to fully do so nor the edge that I enjoyed as Ele’s Champion. Raimie’s Ele source was separate from him, in his splinter, whereas mine resided within.
I ducked Silverblade’s slow motion thrust for my neck before knocking the sword out of my friend’s hand. Reaching for the Ele in the stone behind Raimie, I attracted it to what resided in my friend, and he zipped backward, as if on a line attached to his back. He slammed into the wall, but despite his frenzied efforts to break free, he couldn’t disrupt the hold that Ele had on him.
Once he recognized this, Raimie stopped trying to escape, and I dashed across the space between us, drawing uncomfortably close to my friend.
“You cannot leave me behind like that,” I hissed in his face. “Doldimar is at least as powerful as me, and you’re my ally. He’ll take any opportunity to destroy you. You agreed to help me with my quest, so when I tell you I’ll be out of commission for a day, you stay put until I can protect you again. Do you understand?”
After a split second of blank-eyed inattention, Raimie glanced to either side, craning his neck to see what was restraining him.
“How are you doing this?” he said. “It’s like what I used back in…”
As he fell silent, I snapped, “Raimie! Do. you. understand?”
“Yes,” Raimie said with an eye roll. “I’m sorry I left the Birthing Grounds without you. I’ll try not to do something similar in the future. Now, will you please let me go?”
His blasé attitude was less than reassuring, but I couldn’t keep my friend pinned to a wall until he understood the danger he was in. That might take hours. So, I returned the Ele within the stone to its natural state, and slumping at the sudden release of pressure, Raimie rubbed his shoulder with a wince.
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” he said. “When coming back here, I was moving too quickly through enemy territory for anyone to touch me.”
“Except for an Enforcer, who could shade meld in front of you, toss Daevetch into your path, or snare you in a Vice,” I said.
I jabbed at an open cut on Raimie’s neck, making him grimace.
“When you’re nearby, they can sense you just as much you can with them,” I continued. “Plus, every time you’ve left without me in the past, I’ve had to rescue you from some incredibly dangerous situation. I swear. I stop tracking your every move for even a single moment, and you nearly get yourself killed.”
Again, there was a split-second hesitation before Raimie crossed his arms. That was… interesting.
“Whoa, Rhy! What an invasion of privacy! I thought we talked about you using our splinters to keep tabs on me last fall,” he said, “but I do see your point. I won’t leave you behind again, not without telling you first at least.”
“Thank you,” I said, slapping my hands to my thighs.
Stepping closer, Raimie surreptitiously looked around the empty training yard before leaning toward me.
“You know I can protect myself, right?” he whispered.
Snorting, I said, “To a certain extent, maybe.”
“If you don’t think I can, maybe you should return to the role of tutor,” Raimie said, spreading his arms wide. “Given that fight, I’d say you’ve been holding out on me.”
Tapping my lips, I said, “I have been neglecting that duty, haven’t I?”
With mischief dancing in his eyes, Raimie grinned at me.
“That would be… a yes,” he said.
“Oh, hush,” I said, shaking my head.
Thank the gods Raimie was taking my attitude and behavior in stride. From the moment I’d left the Birthing Grounds, I’d known I was overreacting to the news that my friend had left me behind, but still, I couldn’t calm myself down from that frenzied point, or I couldn’t until now.
Hoping to brush it under the rug, I said, “We should let the yard master finish closing shop for the evening, yes? I’ve let my need to make a point delay him for long enough.”
Seemingly having forgotten the man was here, Raimie sharply glanced at him, where he was perching on a fence.
Rushing to clasp the other man’s hands, he said, “I forgot how late it is. Please, forgive us for keeping you, sir.”
Prying a hand out of Raimie’s grip, the yard master tapped my friend’s shoulder.
“That’s all right, Your Majesty. Watching the two of you fight was a pleasure, and if I may say so—”
Cupping his mouth, he lowered his voice.
“—I’d avoid making your friend angry in the future. He almost cleaned the floor with you, and he was holding back.”
Laughing, Raimie said, “Oh, I know. He does that, has from the moment we met. I’d be insulted if I wasn’t terrified to face him at his strongest. I’ve never seen anyone with so many tricks for a fight, not even when I was a kid in Dai-”
As he cut off, his face went red while his eyes widened.
“If you’ll excuse me, sir.”
Despite his seeming haste, Raimie dragged his feet while he took his leave, and he paused outside of the fence.
“Come see me later, Rhy!” he shouted, almost as an afterthought. “I have a favor to ask.”
Right. Like Raimie hadn’t been looking for a way to spring that request on me since we’d met in the street. Unless the situation was truly dire, the kid had almost always refused to take help from anyone, preferring to handle his problems on his own. The fact that he was asking for help now was concerning.
Still, Raimie should know by now that he didn’t need to ask a favor from me. I’d do whatever I could to ease his troubles without expecting anything in return.
"Can't ask now?" I said.
"It’s of a sensitive nature,” Raimie said.
He darted his eyes to the yard master, who was watching our exchange with interest.
“Plus, I thought you’d want to see your sister as soon as possible, given… what happened at the Birthing Grounds.”
Raimie’s face twisted at the mention of Ren, much like my spirit did at the reminder of what had happened to Hadrion.
“Right,” I said with a dry mouth.
As Raimie left without another word, I reached for anger to smother the unpleasantness threatening to take me over again, but that fiery emotion had dissipated after my confrontation with my friend. Instead, Hadrion grinned at me in my mind’s eye, pleased to have learned the new fighting technique I’d been teaching him, and I winced.
Gods, how I wished I could return to the familiar, bored state that I’d floated in for the last dozen cycles. Why had I thought welcoming emotions back would be a good idea, and where was a distraction when I needed one? I knew from experience that not much could keep this pain at bay, although…
I fumbled for the peace and stillness ever found at the center of my being, a quiet that a thin barrier blocked, and when I touched it, a wave of calm worked its magic on the distress eating me. Releasing the breath I’d been holding, I hastily strode forth to find a place to sleep or maybe… maybe Ren.
“Master primeancer, sir?” the yard master said behind me, freezing me solid. “I- I hate to mention this, but… you’re glowing. You, um. You might want to dim that a bit if you want to stay hidden.”
Oh… shit. Had I just ruined my disguise as ‘Ryvolim’ in my haste to escape from something I should, frankly, have been facing head on?
The yard master must have seen something on my face because he raised his hands in front of him.
“Don’t concern yourself with me! I know how important it is to keep your secret.”
Lowering his eyes, he looked away.
“I had a little brother… He…”
It took him a moment to continue, swallowing a few times before he could.
“Anyway, he wasn’t so good at concealing what he was. The Enforcers came for him when he was nine. He put up a good fight, but-”
The yard master shrugged, but I was a little too busy with the meaning of what he’d said to fully notice his discomfort.
“Are you telling me that Ele primeancers are walking in Auden again?” I asked.
Seemingly taken aback, the yard master said, “Well, sure. Both varieties crop up all the time, probably more than we know. The poor things must learn how to hide their primeancy quickly, though. Otherwise, they’re recruited or murdered by an Enforcer, depending on their affinity.”
Maybe that could explain why the only physical danger I’d faced after revealing myself as ‘Rhylix’ had come from Raimie’s soldiers. The people of Tiro certainly hadn’t been happy to learn that I was a primeancer, but they’d never made a move to attack me, like the soldiers had.
Still. What the yard master had said…
Cold inside, I rounded on Creation, who was browsing through a stack of practice pikes with their shoulders drawn together.
Keeping my voice carefully blank, I said, “Is there anything you want to tell me? Don’t think I haven’t noticed how… sluggish Ele has been with me in recent days. I thought it might have something to do with the ‘shifts in the Eternal War’ that you’ve been on-and-off mentioning. But if there are new primeancers on the physical plane, then…”
Then, I wasn’t sure why Ele had been so slow to respond since I'd reached Auden.
“What’s going on, Creation?” I said. “Stop avoiding whatever it is, and just tell me.”
Hunched on themselves, Creation glanced up at me before fixing their eyes on the weapons in front of them again, biting their lip, but after enduring my glare for quite a while, they opened their mouth.
“My whole is losing the war, meaning resources are scarce,” they hesitantly said. “So scarce, in fact, that for the last few months, we’ve been abandoning the front on the physical plane.”
That… was… not what I’d expected Creation to say.
Nervously laughing, the splinter quietly said, “First time I’ve shocked you speechless, huh?”
They weren’t wrong. I had to shake my whole body to get my thoughts into working order again.
“Ok. That might explain why Ele has been taking its time with healing my injuries and the like,” I said, hardly believing what was coming out of my mouth. “If this is so, then how can Ele spare splinters for new primeancers on this plane?”
As Creation’s lips pulled into a thin line, I knew they were about to wall me off again, and given what they’d admitted, that possibility froze my heart over.
“Why are you keeping secrets from me?” I said. “I need to know about these things. What if this thing you’re hiding stops me from getting to Doldimar or anything else I’m supposed to be doing here? I- I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked of me, even if it’s come with a healthy dose of complaining and sarcasm. Don’t I deserve the truth?”
Creation took a deep breath, held it, and released it in a rush.
“I can’t,” was all they said.
I had to keep calm. I had to.
“Because your whole says so or…?” I said.
“Because I’m trying to keep you safe,” Creation bellowed, finally facing me. “You have no idea what I’ve shielded from you. What the whole wants to do with you.”
As they shuddered, I bristled so hard that I thought Creation might be able to feel it, even as far away as they were.
“Maybe if you told me about these things, I could HELP!” I shouted.
And we were left glaring at one another. Vaguely, I was aware of the yard master’s quiet lock-up and departure, which was probably for the best. This conversation had quickly barreled into dangerous territory, and if it unraveled further, I didn’t want anyone caught in the crossfire.
Setting their jaw, Creation said, “Try to draw from me.”
“…What?” I said. “Why would I-? You’re not my source.”
“I know that. I’m not an idiot,” Creation said, crossing their arms, “but you’re our Champion. You can draw from any piece of any aspect. Taking from yourself is easier, or at least, it must be so. Otherwise, you’d have sought an alternative like this ages ago.”
“…All right.”
Creation’s logic seemed sound, but I couldn’t help my surprise when I reached toward them and found a point of peace, much like the one in me, within them.
“Huh.”
When I teased an Ele tendril from Creation, a wondering smile started spreading across my face. How had I never figured this out before? Considering how badly I’d always wanted to right the disbalance between Ele and Daevetch, perhaps I should have figured out how they mechanically worked before-
The flow of Ele from Creation shut off. Startled, I lost control of the thread I’d been holding, and it zipped off, tipping over a barrel of staves. Had Ele… cut me off?
“What. the. godsdamned. hell?” I said, barely aware of speaking through the haze around me.
Creation was suddenly beside me, resting a hand on my shoulder, and no matter how impossible it was, I swore I could feel pressure there.
“My whole is retreating from the physical plane, but you must remember, Eriadren, that we’re an eternal force of nature. Our retreat may take eons,” they said. “It must start somewhere, though, and most of my whole has decided it will begin with you. I tried so hard to argue against it, but… I’m sorry.”
With… me? After everything I’d sacrificed for Ele. Was Creation serious?
One look at their face said that they were, and there, anger was again, bright and crystalline in its purity. I spun away from the splinter, so great was fury’s stranglehold on me.
“Thank you, Creation. You’ve given me the perfect escape from something truly horrible, but you might want to leave now,” I said. “I appreciate that you’ve fought for me, but even the faintest glimmer of Ele might tip me over at the moment, and we don’t want to have an out-of-control Champion again, do we?”
I faced the splinter with a peeled-back smile and bared teeth, but Creation had already popped out of view. They knew me well.
What should I do now? Find Ren, like Raimie had suggested?
The laughter filling the air sounded almost crazed, and when it cut off after I clamped my lips together, I realized it had been mine. Probably not wise to visit my grieving sister when I was like this.
I could find the nearest Kiraak encampment and wipe them out, but… Raimie could cleanse Corruption from those pitiful beings now. Even if it remained to be seen whether returning a Kiraak’s humanity to them was a blessing or a curse, I couldn’t slaughter monsters who had the potential for freedom from Daevetch.
The request Raimie had made not long ago would require my attention at some point. He’d probably meant for me to find him in the morning, but I needed something to occupy my time now, and my only other option for that was to try sleeping. I knew how doing something like that would end: in a night spent raging at Ele and the life it had captured me in. I didn’t want that, not again.
No, I’d go see my friend.
With my mind made up, I cast off every leftover Ele speck that was clinging to me and left the training yard.
Chapter 47: I Love You But...
Raimie
I was getting extremely annoyed by how long it was taking to find my father. I’d expected it might take a while but close to an hour? After so many reliable years, were my tracking skills finally failing me? This wouldn’t bother me so much if I were in an unfamiliar setting or if it were completely dark, but neither of those things were happening right now and-
Clearly visible and walking at my side, Nylion huffed.
“Remember, heart of my heart, he was once a spymaster,” he said.
And the tracking skills I’d relied on for my whole life, skills I’d thought I’d learned while hunting in the forest, were in reality, part of the Hand training that I’d gone through as my father’s successor.
Wincing, I stopped short, passing a hand over my face. So many things that I’d always taken for granted as fact kept getting dislodged by my new truth, and it was… bothering me.
I actually didn’t know how I felt about the situation. A ‘bother’ was simply the best word I’d come up with to describe the sensation.
“It will get easier,” Nylion said.
I skeptically glanced at him.
Will it? I asked.
He made a face.
“I think so. I hope so,” he said. “I knew that this change would be hard for you to swallow. You are handling it much better than I thought you might, but I can feel how difficult it has been. My only wish is that somehow, my presence has been helping you with it.”
You’ve more than helped, Nyl, I said. It’s strange, you know? At first, it was all anger and outrage at what they did. Now, it’s so much STUFF that I don’t know how to handle. I don’t even know what most of it is.
“So… it is complicated.”
I huffed a laugh.
I’m beginning to think that everything about us will be complicated.
Shaking my head, I forced myself to open my eyes and move on. I had to find my father. I needed to speak with him one more time tonight. I needed to know why.
He’d said everything he’d done had been for my own good. My protection. I didn’t understand why he thought that, and it… bothered me. I needed him to explain one more time. Maybe if he did, I could figure out what he’d been thinking at the time. Maybe he’d give me an excuse I could use to- to forgive him.
As soon as that thought had crossed my mind, I hid it somewhere far away, in a rarely touched corner of my mind. I wasn’t sure why I was doing that, but it had something to do with Nylion. I wasn’t sure how accepting he’d be of that desire.
I was glad Oswin wasn’t here to watch me fumbling through the task of finding my father, not to mention any emotional reactions I might have in our coming conversation. He wouldn’t say a word about my failings in the moment, but they were sure to come up later, in the form of a snarky comment.
Oswin…
He’d been the spymaster of Kaedesa’s Hand instead of me. Did that mean we’d known each other back then? Is that why I’d always had such a strong sense of recognition when around him?
Did that mean he’d been hiding my past from me, along with everyone else I’d once trusted?
Watching me with worry, Nylion said, “What are you thinking about?”
My mouth twisted.
Oswin, I said. I'm wondering what, if anything, he had to do with this. And whether anyone else in the Hand was involved.
That comment made Nylion’s eyebrows shoot up into his scruffy hairline.
“You do not remember him yet?” he said.
When I shook my head, he frowned.
“I am sure it will come to you eventually, much like the rest has been,” he said. “Until then, I would not make assumptions about him or the others yet. From what I remember, they have always been our allies, but it is unclear whether any of my memories were locked in that chest alongside yours. So far, that has not been the case, but we cannot be sure. Just… take it as it comes. Operate on what you know of him.”
And that? That was why I was glad Nylion had been hanging around as much as he had since we’d unlocked the chest in our mindspace. He’d been keeping me grounded in my current reality, in more ways than one, and I was so damn grateful for that.
It had been so easy to get stuck in the past and the memories I’d lost of it.
“There!” Nylion said, pointing toward the edge of the dwindling crowd we’d joined.
At the corner of an intersection, a familiar head of hair briefly paused before vanishing around it, and I sped up. When I turned onto the smaller street, I found no one walking down it, and this momentarily confused me. Then, I noted a patch of scuffed dirt at the base of one of the nearby walls and rolled my eyes.
I stood in that spot, jumping to grab the eave of the roof above, and pulled myself on top of it. Once on my feet, I scanned my sightlines, quickly spotting the same head of hair I’d spied earlier. I took off after it.
He led me on a lengthy chase, which only made me more annoyed with every extra footfall he made me take. Eventually, I stopped short and let my exasperation ring out over the rooftops.
“Stop! Come on, dad. You can’t avoid this conversation forever! What are you going to do? Never speak to me again?”
That made him pause. Even with a rooftop between us, I could see my father’s shoulders slump as he put his hands on his hips. He shook his head once before turning to me and gesturing toward the street below.
I followed his lead, but on clambering down to the ground, something strange passed over me. Sure, I may need to have this conversation, but at the same time, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to take the chance that my father might hurt me again.
Because oh, how it had hurt to have the first part of this conversation earlier! Hearing the proof that what I’d remembered was real, coming from my father’s own mouth, had sunk a jagged knife into the heart of me. I was still figuring out how deep it had gone.
Still, I had to do this. For Nylion’s sake, if for nothing else.
I found my father leaning against a wall with his arms crossed and one foot propped up behind him. He wouldn’t look at me as I approached.
When I was close enough, he said, “What else is there to say besides what’s already been spoken?”
I wanted to shout at him for that.
Taking a deep breath, I said, “I think there’s plenty we still need to say. I don’t understand why you did what you did. I need you to explain it to me so I can try to move on.”
Startled, my father glanced at me before flicking his eyes away again.
“Move on?” he said.
I rolled my eyes.
“What? Do you want me to stay mad at you for forever?”
At my side, Nylion was staring at me almost as hard as my father had, for that brief moment he’d graced me with his gaze. I hoped he could trust me to do what was best for us right now. Yes, we needed justice for what had happened to us, for the soul desolation we’d gone through, but I wasn’t sure who deserved what punishment and how far that punishment should go.
“No,” his father said. “No, I don’t want that.”
He hung his head in silence for several uncomfortable moments.
“You want to know why we took Nylion away?” he eventually told the ground. “Because he had started getting out of control. He was influencing your behavior in completely unacceptable ways, and we… couldn’t have that.”
Almost beneath my notice, my fingers curled into my hands, biting into my palms.
“So, your solution to the problem was to lock him away?” I said. “Did any of you think to maybe, I don’t know, talk to him?”
“We tried! Marcuset was the only one he’d speak to, and even that communication was sparse,” my father said. “But you don’t understand, Raimie. This wasn’t a minor issue. Sometimes, when he was the one maneuvering your body, he would become unexpectedly violent-”
Throwing my hands to either side, I snapped, “What did you expect would happen after throwing him into training for the Hand? He used to cry for hours after we finished with that for the day. What human wouldn't lash out in a such situation?”
Granted, Nylion's initial reaction to our training had only lasted for the first year. After that, he’d become more cold. Analytical. Precise. But neither of us had wanted to learn how to fight, him more so than me. Any form of violence had made everything within us rebel, and when we were the ones dealing the violence…
The thought of it had me shuddering, even now.
Blinking rapidly, my father met my eyes.
“I… didn’t know about that,” he said.
I waved his concession away.
“How could you? You were away for your job more often than not.”
Making a face, my father said, “And that, I am sorry for. I tried to make up for my absence once we moved away from Daira.”
He truly had. Now that I understood what it was like to have him gone most of the time, I could appreciate how attentive of a father I’d had during our nine years of peace in the woods.
“It’s fine,” I said. “Nylion was there for me.”
Like a shutter, my father’s face closed down.
“I thought I was doing the right thing by taking him away, son,” he said. “I still think it was the best we could do. There’s so much you don’t know about that time…”
He trailed off, and it took me a moment to realize that I’d caused that. It took me a moment to realize that pure venom had taken residence on my face, enough of it to shut him up.
It was probably for the best. If he’d continued spouting justifications for the harm he’d caused me, I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stay… rational.
As it was, I was barely holding onto said rationality. I took a few deep breaths before cutting my hand in front of me.
“Let’s forget about your reasoning for now. It’s getting us nowhere,” I said. “Can we focus on the present? On how what you did has affected me? Because it has done that, dad. Whether it was right or not, it hurt me, more than you can know, and I need you to hear me about that. I need you to understand.”
“I… can do that,” my father said.
Meanwhile, Nylion turned to fully face me.
“You’re letting it go?” he said. “Just like that?”
I could feel anger starting to swell from him, which made me glance at him from the corner of my eye.
Of course not, I said. But we have to start somewhere. We have to get him to see why everything he did was so harmful to us. This is the best way to achieve that goal. Once he understands, we can go back. And after we’ve destroyed every carefully laid justification he’s crafted for himself to excuse his actions, we can get what we truly want from him.
My explanation didn’t seem to mollify Nylion as much as I thought it might, but he jerked his head once in a nod. It would have to do for now.
“So, let's discuss the results of your actions. Regardless of your intentions at the time, I feel betrayed by you, dad,” I said. “Growing up, I had this one thing, one person who was truly mine. I had a state of being that I considered sacred, and you took it away from me. In some ways, I feel like I made it happen because I trusted you when you led me into that circle, dad. Maybe that makes me the fool, getting blindsided by a loved one like that.”
“Heart of my heart, I never-”
“You’ve never been a fool to-”
I held up a hand to stop both of them.
“I know it’s not my fault. That’s just how it is. How I feel,” I said, “and I can’t even begin to describe the confusion and chaos I’m dealing with now. I had this life, one I thought I knew. One that made sense to me. And then, I find out that half of it is a lie? Half of it, I was someone else, doing something else entirely? I’ve got a war going on inside, dad. I don’t know what’s real anymore. How am I supposed to deal with a near entire rewrite of my history when I’m also supposed to be leading a real, honest-to-gods war?”
This part of the problem between us left my father speechless. He stared at me with his mouth hanging open, and when it became clear I wouldn’t get a response from him, I shook my head.
“But that’s not the worst of it for me,” I said. “The worst part is that you kept something from me again. Not even a piece of heritage, like our royal lineage, but some of my history. Some of my actual lived experience. You lied about half of my life for half of my life, hiding it away in the hopes that I wouldn’t, what? Remember someday? Have the fucking mind magic spell that you had placed on me broken? Gods damn it, dad! You messed with my mind. Of course I’m angry with you!”
Out of breath, I panted, watching my dad wince and open his mouth, close it and open it again. He was taking far too long with trying to figure out something to say, so long that I almost started yelling again. Before I could, though, his whole body caved in on itself.
“You’re right. By hiding what happened from you, I badly hurt you, and I’m sorry for it.”
I couldn’t believe it. I was actually getting an apology from him, if only for part of what he’d done. When I’d considered having this conversation with my father before, I’d thought I had the most remote of chances at gaining even this small of a concession, and having heard the remorse in my father’s voice, I knew he meant what he’d said.
It wasn’t enough.
“That is not nearly enough,” Nylion breathed, as if in agreement. “Does he think we would take a single, paltry apology for all the horror he put us through and what? Forgive him? Forget what happened? Forget the pain of my forced isolation, pushed down into the depths of our mind?
Did you expect something more from him? I said.
“I.. I do not…”
I half-listened as Nylion sputtered to a stop with a confused look on his face, putting most of my focus on my father.
“I accept your apology,” I said. “It changes nothing about what I’m dealing with, though.”
My father nodded.
“I didn’t think it would,” he said. “How do you propose we address those problems, though? They won’t just go away.”
I knew that. These issues, clouding up the waters all around me right now, weren’t something I could ignore, not like I apparently had with so many other things in my life.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to fix the problem. Not right now. I only had one answer for my father’s question, for the moment at least, and he wasn’t going to like it.
“We do the only thing we can,” I said. “Come on. We should find somewhere comfortable to discuss it.”
Chapter 48: A Friend's Revelation
Ryvolim
The view while balancing atop Tiro’s concealing lattice was, as always, terrifying, much too far above solid ground as it was. I refused to look down as I crossed the length of the beam that Raimie had chosen for his perch.
Finding my friend had taken far too long. I’d checked some of his other favorite spots around the city, but this one, the one he always went to when he was truly upset, hadn’t even crossed my mind as a possible hiding place, which proved once again how off-balance I was right now.
Once I was hovering over my friend, he cracked an eye open, scrunching his face up on seeing me.
“Did you already talk to Ren?” he asked.
“Couldn’t find her,” I said. “What do you need from me?”
Which was abrupt and to the point, but I couldn't have this conversation go any other way right now.
Raising an eyebrow, Raimie said, “You’re certainly eager to help. This can’t wait until morning?”
“No. Please, just tell me what you want.”
My friend must have sensed an inkling of the mess lurking under my mask because he sat up, folding his legs under one another.
“I… need you to heal my father,” he said.
He met my gaze as if it were a challenge, but then, it was. I’d explained the reasons that I avoided using my special, little curse to him before.
“Why would you ask this of me?” I asked.
Something had to be wrong. Raimie wouldn’t challenge another person’s beliefs like this unless he thought doing so was absolutely necessary.
“I need to get him into as physically fit of a condition as I can,” he said. “He’ll need every advantage he can get.”
For a second, he flicked his gaze to the side, unfocusing while subtly waving a hand, but he quickly returned his focus to me, if with greater conviction.
“Please, Rhy,” he said.
“You know I can’t do this,” I said. “My reasoning-”
“Is tenuous at best. I’m sorry. I really am. But it is,” Raimie said. “Even if you’re right about the consequences that the people you heal face, I’ve explained the possibility to my father. He understands that something worse may come along to hurt him later, but the idea didn’t change his mind about you healing him.”
What… the hell? Raimie knew how much I didn’t like having my secrets shared.
“You told your father about what I can do?” I asked, barely keeping from shouting.
With his jaw set, Raimie said, “It was necessary.”
Closing his eyes, he clenched and unclenched his hands before looking up at me.
“You don’t need to worry, Rhy. My father won’t put you in danger,” he continued. “Once he can walk without the device from the tear, he’ll leave us, at least for a time.”
“He’s leaving?” I asked with a frown. “Why would he do that?”
“Because I asked him to!” Raimie snapped.
Puffing out a breath, he looked away, shifting uncomfortably, but I could understand that. Family was the ultimate connection, the people you protected and loved no matter what. So, why would Raimie, who sacrificed so much for the soldiers he’d adopted as his family, want his father to leave him?
“You’re going to have to explain that,” I said with an empty voice.
Grinding his teeth together, Raimie turned his focus inward, and after a solid minute of silence, he growled.
“I’m telling him, Nyl! He’s my best friend. He deserves to know.”
But I didn’t understand what he’d said. Was he talking to me or…?
Why did this situation feel so familiar? What-?
“Nyl, where are you?” “At the moment, what Raimie would or would not want does not matter. He is not here right now.” “My name is NOT Raimie.”
And I stopped breathing. The talking to seeming no one. Referring to himself by different names. The incident outside Sanc. How he was acting now. I thought I knew what was going on, and if I was right, oh… how it would hurt my heart.
Slowly, I sank to sit on the beam in front of Raimie, no matter how terrifying I might find it.
“Nyl,” I said, licking my lips. “I’ve heard you say that word before. When we were in Da’kul.”
Cocking his head, Raimie slowly said, “You did?”
I nodded.
“Does it mean something… special to you?” I asked.
“It does,” Raimie said.
But then, he sealed his lips shut, which was understandable. Focusing on my friend and not the ground, I scooted forward until our knees were touching, leaning forward to rest my forehead on his.
“You don’t have to fear me. I am your friend, and now, you know how sacred I find that bond. You’re safe here.”
The repetition of the first time I’d gotten Raimie to tell me about something most would find unusual or dangerous slowly had tension draining from him. His shoulders lowered from his ears, and when he glanced up at me, nodding, I pulled back a bit.
“Nyl is… Nylion. My other half. The only person in my life that I would give my all for, minus dying of course,” Raimie said, “because if I died, so would he. He lives… in here.”
He tapped a finger against his temple.
“And he’s connected to why I want some space from my father, among many other things.”
When he bit his lip, drawing away, I rested my fingers on the beam in front of his knee.
“You are safe here,” I repeated. “I will never intentionally hurt you. That extends to anything that goes on in your head.”
“Ok,” Raimie said, relaxing once more. “Ok.”
We sat in silence for a moment, but soon enough, he laughed, as if to fill the quiet.
“How are you so calm about this?” he asked. “Any time I’ve talked about Nylion with anyone before, it’s always followed by… I don’t know… fear. Or hatred.”
Rejection. I knew, more than he could possibly understand.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I sheepishly smiled.
“I’ve had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. Lived for way too many years, remember?” I said. “So, this whole ‘multiple entities in one head’ thing? It’s been a common experience. Sometimes, I’ve seen it in cultures where the predominant spiritual practice encouraged belief in possession or similar phenomena. Sometimes, it’s been children who’ve been left alone for so long that their practice of imagining a friend for company continued throughout their lives. Sometimes, a person has become ‘many’ simply because they wanted to!”
I softly chuckled, remembering several past relationships with such grouped individuals. People who I might have called friends, if I’d allowed myself the luxury at the time.
“But as you might imagine, I don’t often get to spend my life in times of peace. So, most of the time, I’ve seen what you’re describing in people who’ve had to deal with certain… things when they were young. Usually, these people also experience issues like what you did in Sanc.”
Pausing, I hoped to the gods that I wasn’t about to start an unnecessary, agonizing process in my friend, and if he answered me in the negative, I wasn’t going to push it.
Still.
“Raimie, I have to know,” I said. “Considering what you’re saying and some of the things I’ve seen while around you, do you think there may be some ‘splinter’ of memory still stuck in your brain, like we’ve talked about before?”
Snorting, Raimie started laughing uproariously, rocking back and forth so wildly that I was afraid he might fall.
“A splinter of the past? Oh, gods. Oh, gods, that’s funny,” he said. “Would that it was something so small! Fuck.”
Hell, his reaction had been unnerving, but I tried to keep any trace of that emotion off of my face. It wouldn’t be helpful right now.
Wiping at his eyes, Raimie said, “Do you remember when so long ago, you said I had a secret too, whether I knew about it or not? I think we were outside of Sev at the time. Well, it turns out you were right, more than I would have ever thought possible.”
And then, he told me everything. The long process of being reunited with Nylion again. The chest of memories they’d both struggled to unlock. And everything he’d remembered.
Once he was finished, all I could say was, “Well. That explains a lot.”
“Right?” Raimie said, leaning forward. “For how crazy it all sounds, it also makes a whole lot of godsdamned sense.”
Alouin above. My poor friend. He’d already been through so much, all before he’d met me, and here we both were, in a land primed to wreck us both. A land that his past had, in part, prepared him to thrive in. Which was so messed up.
“No wonder you want some space from your father,” I said under my breath.
“Yes,” Raimie said. “No wonder.”
After a pause, one where I tried and partially failed to collect my thoughts, I said, “And your Nylion wants this too?”
“Nyl wants…”
Narrowing his eyes, Raimie cocked his head, as if listening.
“Nyl wants retribution. For my father and everyone else who separated us to pay for what they’ve done,” he eventually said. “But right now, that can’t happen. We need Marcuset and Gistrick to maintain the army. We need Eledis around because… because he’s too powerful to alienate, at least at this stage. And I… can’t hurt my father like Nyl might wish.
“So, we—the both of us—have taken our best option right now. We give ourselves time and space to figure out how to resolve what’s happened between us and the people we’re closest to. And during that time, we remove the one person in our life that we can, the one who’d be the biggest distraction for us both.”
“Your father,” I said.
Raimie nodded.
“He wasn’t especially pleased when I told him about this earlier tonight,” he said. “It took me a while to find him because he didn’t want to hear what I needed to say, but… after I managed to corner him and speak every word on my mind, he agreed to respect my wishes, for a time. Not sure how long ‘for a time’ is, but still, I thought that was a good sign. He’s at least willing to meet me somewhere on this issue.”
Wincing, I said, “Maybe.”
I hoped Raimie was right. I hoped Aramar had seen the damage he’d done to his son and was willing to work on repairing it. In the past, he’d seemed like the sort of person who could do that, but I was also aware of how much people didn’t want to face their mistakes.
They’d avoid and cajole and victim blame and do everything in their power to convince themselves and everyone around them that the ‘mistake’ had in fact been no mistake at all. Only time would tell what type of person Aramar would be about this.
“But that's why you’ve asked me to heal him,” I said. “He’s going out into greater Auden, and he’ll have a difficult time with surviving, considering the physical condition he’s currently in.”
“Like I said before,” Raimie said. “Does it make sense now? I’m sorry if this is too big of a favor to ask for. You can always say no, of course, but I had to at least bring it up.”
“I understand,” I said.
But could I grant this favor? Yes, my reasons for refusing to use this part of my curse might be shaky, but in the past, the possibility of accidentally causing harm to a person, further down the line, had always been too much for me.
Surprisingly, that wasn’t the case for Aramar, though. I might like the man well enough. In many ways, he’d been decent and incredibly honorable toward me and many other people, but in this case, the mistakes he’d made had been… large. He’d killed Ferin over a misunderstanding. He’d tried to force Raimie into his version of ‘normal’, suppressing an essential part of who the kid was. Something that could have been avoided if he’d actually listened to his son.
He'd hurt my friend. Badly. That was what it boiled down to. I’d always been willing to bend my value system when it came to anything that harmed my friends.
“I’ll risk the consequences,” I said. “Your father won’t walk through Auden, paralyzed if it wasn’t for a tear-gained ring.”
Slumping, Raimie said, “Thank you, Rhy. Really.”
I patted his knee.
“It’s no trouble at all,” I said. “Now. Do you have any idea of where I can find your father? I should get this done as quickly as possible.”
Get a possible source of contention as far from my friend and ally as possible.
“He mentioned something about getting drunk at Sigemond’s,” Raimie said. “He really wasn’t happy when I last saw him.”
Of course he hadn’t been. Who would be after hearing that their son didn’t want them around?
“Then, I’ll get going,” I said, clapping my knees.
Once I’d reached my feet, Raimie cleared his throat.
“One more thing,” he said. “My father knows you’re Rhylix now. So you won’t have to pretend to be someone else around him tonight.”
Hmm. That was actually… a good thing. Maybe I could resolve some of my own issues with him when we met.
“Good to know,” I said, “and Raimie? I want you to know that nothing’s changed between us, all right? I’m glad you have someone like Nylion watching out for you. Maybe he can help me with keeping you safe.”
Raimie’s mouth dropped open, and he squeaked. Chuckling, I hurried away toward a place I could climb down to the ground. Gods, I loved startling my friend like that.
Adventures of the Hand 3.1
Pointer
Nudging his companion, the plate-mail clad Kiraak ahead of me jerked his chin in my direction.
“Look. Another crazy one incoming,” he said. “Shall I dispatch him, or should I give you the honor?”
The monster had probably meant for that comment to stay between him and his companion, but I had perfect hearing. Save for one notable exception, I had perfect everything. It was one of the reasons that I was the best at what I did.
I couldn’t blame these Kiraak for finding me crazy. Not many people voluntarily approached the pits, and of those who did, the big and burly, crazy, or immensely stupid made up the vast majority of them. They were the ones Doldimar wanted to watch in the fights.
I, on the other hand, didn’t look imposing at all. I was slender and fragile with a constantly distant look in my eyes. How many times had I been told that I must be a scholar or otherwise learned man? No one saw me coming until my knife ended their life.
“Hello, good sirs,” I said as pleasantly as my ruined voice would allow. “I’ve been told that this is where one goes when one wants to participate in the fights. Have I come to the right place?”
My words might have painfully scraped against my throat on their way out of my mouth, but proper decorum required that I give these quasi-men at least the minimum degree of respect. They turned around and spat that respect in my face.
“Are you stupid?” one of them gasped around his laugher. “Someone like you doesn’t volunteer for the pits, not here in Elisk or in any other city.”
I would hate to waste more words right now, but the Kiraak’s assertion called for a response.
“Nevertheless, that is what I intend,” I rasped.
This set the two into a bout of seemingly uncontrollable laughter, but eventually, it began to fall still. When one of them got ahold of himself, he gestured to the hatch behind him.
“We won’t stop you from committing suicide, worm. Your death should be mildly entertaining at least,” he said. “Enjoy your last hours of life.”
When that man lifted the hatch for me, I ignored his words, jumping into the holding pens instead. I was curious about what I’d find here. In the week I’d stayed in Auden’s capital city, this was one of the few places I’d been unable to infiltrate.
A week in the seat of Doldimar’s power. That time had been enlightening.
It seemed contradictory that Elisk, the center point of a Dark Lord’s reign of chaos and terror, should be one of the most orderly cities that I’d ever visited, but such was the case. Its citizens lived anything but long, ordinary lives, yes, but even here, rules existed to shepherd people into safety. Auden was a civilization, and despite Doldimar’s insistence otherwise, every society had rules.
Rule One: Avoid Kiraak whenever possible.
At first, the reasoning behind this rule seemed simple enough. The Kiraak made up the majority of Doldimar’s army. Who wouldn’t avoid representatives of a powerful, oppressive force? On closer inspection, however, the rule’s true meaning became abundantly clear.
Kiraak were chaotically brutal. They took almost climactic pleasure from inflicting and observing suffering in anyone who wasn’t them.
The ones with rampant vines crawling under their skin were the most powerful of their number, and over the years, they’d learned exactly what types of torture best fit their fancy, but the Kiraak to truly fear were the newly born, the ones who could almost pass for human.
These Kiraak hadn’t yet learned how to control their new, alien wants and desires, and so, they were more easily pushed into wanton slaughter, followed by wailing and other forms of self-loathing. Their morality lived alongside Corruption, and the resulting conflict led these people into doing horrible things.
This was what befell every Kiraak: Corruption's gradual smothering of their seed of conscience—what the philosophers called ‘humanity’—until only a husk remained. Until this was done, one should do everything possible to keep away from them.
Sometimes, an exceptionally strong Kiraak would retain shards of their conscience throughout their growth in power. Doldimar awarded these Kiraak, the Overseers, with day-to-day governance of his subjects, everything that his Enforcers refused to manage. They received these posts because the Dark Lord only trusted people he controlled with such powerful positions, but if weak Kiraak were allowed to oversee the average citizenry, they’d have massacred Auden’s human population ages ago. It was best to leave governing to those who were both infected with his Vice and able to manage their coerced brutality.
Which raised the second rule.
Rule Two: Obey your Overseer in all things.
Because the alternative was always worse than whatever inanely horrid task they might command. It was much better to drag bodies out of the pits than to be thrown into one instead.
But of all the unspoken rules that reigned over Elisk, one superseded all, to be followed in even the direst of circumstances.
Rule Three: Never, ever help your fellow humans when their time came.
Everyone who lived in the capital eventually attracted someone’s lethal attention, be that a newly-born Kiraak or the Dark Lord himself, and when that happened, Alouin help you because your fellow citizens wouldn’t. To try helping someone in such circumstances was to bring a death sentence upon oneself as well.
So, when a bordering district was relegated to Harvest, its neighbors purposefully ignored the sounds of combat. They became deaf to mothers screaming for their children, never recognizing the high-pitched cry that quickly cut off as the signal for a young one’s death.
Although these rules seemed harsh, they granted Elisk’s residents with a modicum of safety, more so than the rest of the realm. They also provided a precarious peace, lurking behind the haphazard destruction and disorder that the Kiraak doled out.
I’d been busy during my week in this strange city with its strange rules. During that time, I’d walked among its people with my unassuming face working its usual magic, prying the city’s secrets from honest Eliskians. I’d also observed troop movement and assessed the city’s defenses while several prominent officials had ended up dead.
In other words, I’d finished with my duty to my king and spymaster. Now, it was time for a personal task, one started by an intercepted message between Thumb and the Hand’s spymaster. One that said spymaster had warned me against doing anything about.
Middle should have made that warning an order, not that such an arbitrary thing would have stopped me. Then again, the spymaster had probably known exactly what I’d try when I’d read the news that Thumb had gotten himself captured, the idiot.
For unlike the Eliskians, I had only one rule to follow. One overriding stricture that carried through the assassinations of both the guilty and the innocent, never mind any other atrocities I’d committed over my many, many years in service to my king.
I never endangered my loved ones or abandoned them to their death.
I occupy my time on the carriage ride home with the most recent letter I’ve received from Count Erinburgh. That man’s incessant pleas for me to join his coup against the crown are starting to grate on my nerves, but decorum demands that I at least open and read the silly thing.
As I suspected, this letter is another appeal to my pathos, a long regaling of the infractions that the king has committed against the nobility, starting with his marriage to a foreigner. I understand why the count has been so heavily lobbying for my support. As the head of Ada’ir’s most powerful family—after the royals, of course—if I backed this rebellion, it would sway the uneasy balance between the rebels and loyalists. If the king lost my loyalty, it might spell the end of Ada’ir’s ruling family.
Fortunately for the king, I have no intention of abandoning said loyalty.
I found the weeks spent coming to this decision agonizing, for Count Erinburgh has raised many valid complaints. Several of the king’s newest policies could soon beggar the nobility, and I don’t appreciate the threat that such a prospect places on my family.
In the end, however, I know that these new laws will see Ada’ir to greater heights of wealth and power. I also can’t see the danger in letting the commoners stand on equal footing with the nobility, another of the count’s grievances.
While considering the letter’s contents, I’ve shredded it, and holding my hand out the window, I let the wind tug its scraps out of my grasp. As the last bit of paper catches in the breeze, the carriage pulls to a stop, and I close my eyes. Time to don the mask again.
I pay the driver well for his silence, not that I’m under any illusion about the status of my ‘secret’. I have the money to indulge in the pretense that it’s solely mine, though, so why shouldn’t I?
On stepping inside the house, I call, “I’m home!”
Removing my coat, I store it in a closet myself—the servants were dismissed hours ago—but when no one answers my greeting, a frown pulls at my mouth.
“Madelaine?” I call. “Are you awake, my dear?”
When only silence greets me, I sigh. Yes, my predilections haven’t led to the life that my wife desired on marrying me, but she’s known about them for a long time now. I thought she’d learned to accept them, and besides that, I’ve already provided her with the one thing that she’s demanded from me: a child. I think it only proper that Madeleine have the manners to stay up until I come home or at the least, leave a message for me, as is custom. At such a late hour, I’d expect our daughter to be asleep but my wife…
I take the stairs two at a time, fully intending to make as much noise as possible while getting ready for bed. Yes, that might be selfish of me, especially given what I so recently left behind, but in this, I couldn’t help myself. Years of animosity between me and my wife have led me to this moment.
The glow of firelight from the parlor at the top of the stairs, however, has me pausing. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Madeleine fell asleep while waiting for me rather than going to bed by herself. Is it possible that she’s finally learning to love me for who I am?
“Maddy?” I whisper.
As I round the corner into the parlor, an invisible wall stops my progress inside. With my fingers twitching, I numbly stare at an image that will be forever etched into my mind.
Madeleine and Lulani, our baby girl, are lying on the floor near the fireplace, curled around one another as if asleep, but that peaceful scene is contrasted by their skin’s bleached state, the rope burns around their ankles, and the jagged wounds along their necks.
Splashed across a recent family portrait, a message in coagulated blood blazes much brighter than the flames beneath while Maddy and Luli’s happy faces mockingly gaze through it.
‘The king’s eyes are upon you.’
One time. I’d broken the rule once, and look what had happened. I’d never do it again.
Adventures of the Hand 3.2
Pointer
The pit’s holding pens were filthier than I’d imagined, and the smell was horrendous, a mixture of unwashed bodies, excrement, and urine left to fester for years.
The people weren’t much better, clumping into three groups.
First came those who’d broken. They wandered around the pen with broad grins: barking, screeching, staring, and otherwise doing what they could to frighten those caged with them. One approached me, gnashing her teeth, and I coldly glared at her until she scampered away, whimpering.
Then came the living corpses. These unfortunate souls had given up on life. They stood or sat where they’d last been placed and gazed at nothing, at the void that had eaten them whole. No spark of what had once made them unique now lived in their eyes.
Lastly came those who were new to the pits. Almost average looking, these people stayed close to one another, whispering. Despair haunted their faces, and occasionally, one would break away from the pack in a fit of uncontrolled sobbing.
Scanning this crowd, I didn’t find who I was looking for among them, which was unsurprising. Thumb had always insisted on a merry chase.
If he wasn’t here, though, it was time to see if I could break into the next holding pen.
Before I could try, the pen’s mood shifted, and I noticed the black-eyed men striding among the crowd. He inspected the caged humans, searching for something, but he clearly wasn’t finding it.
As soon as I saw him, I pulled away to the edge of the room, but for once, my unassuming bearing didn’t provide its usual protection. Perhaps it was the weapons hanging from me or the fact that I wasn’t covered in filth, like the others, that drew the Enforcer my way, but whatever his reason for it, the man pointed straight at me.
“You.”
Turning on his heels, the Enforcer stomped away, and I followed after a short delay. I hadn’t particularly wanted to participate in this shit but fine. If they wanted to back me into a fight, then that was what I’d do.
I loosened my sword in its sheath, unbuckled the clasps that were holding my knives in place, and popped the tops on several poison flasks, hanging from my belt.
Beware whoever was soon to come. Your end draws near.
Easing the window to the queen’s chambers open, I cling to my precarious perch. A prolonged set of years has passed since my family was murdered, all to send a message. Something broke in me that day, and since then, I’ve killed so many people.
The rebellion against the king no longer exists. I teased out and snared each of their members until none remained. After removing what had initially caused Madeleine and Lulani’s losses, I moved on to higher value targets. Targets like King Belqarim.
For an instant, the corpse faces of every person who died by my hand float like ghosts in the glass of the window in front of me, and I flinch, nearly losing my grip on its sill. Silently, I replay the chant of my reasoning for their deaths.
I didn’t kill those people for revenge or out of some twisted need to appease madness. I did it because my victims’ continued existence threatened the well-being of Ada’ir’s people. A rebellion would have been long and bloody for all involved, and by ordering the deaths of my family, King Belqarim further incited the uprising that my girls’ murders were supposed to deflect. If I hadn’t eliminated the crown’s enemies, rumors of why my family died would have eventually led to fighting in Daira’s streets.
One final target remains before I can call the kingdom of Ada’ir free of internal threats.
When a king dies, the standard line of succession is for the oldest child to take the throne, but times are anything but normal right now. Belqarim’s queen has failed to produce an heir for him, and in such circumstances, the question of next in line becomes a bit murkier.
Right now, the most likely candidate for the position is Belqarim’s cousin, Duke Wylumin, but that irresponsible man is currently exploring the frozen wastelands to the north. No one had heard from the duke in months. Add to that the complication that not all of the royal family has perished in recent weeks, and one can see why Ada’ir’s court has been in turmoil since the king’s passing.
The problem with Belqarim’s wife, Kaedesa, as monarch is that no one can say for sure where she came from. By the time she arrived on the scene, Ada’ir’s court was desperate for Belqarim to show interest in any woman. The only reason the nobility allowed such a controversial marriage was because they were uncertain if Belqarim would ever favor another person as a marriage candidate, and the realm required an heir to the throne.
Kaedesa gained little popularity with the court when her influence over the king led to the passage of several laws meant to elevate the commoners, laws that were at the heart of the recently ruined rebellion. Her failure to produce the heir that the nobles desired has further deepened the resentment leveled against her.
Considering her lack of popularity, Kaedesa should have returned to the place of her mysterious origins after Belqarim’s death, if only to maintain the realm’s stability. Instead, she’s continued to carry out a monarch’s duties, as if the question of succession has already been answered.
This is why I’m hanging outside of her window this evening. Kaedesa can’t garner enough support to keep the crown, and when she eventually loses it, blood and death will inevitably follow.
So, I ignore the dead faces I see in the window, slipping into the queen’s chambers. My knife clears its sheath without a sound as I approach the four-poster bed that’s dominating the room.
“So, you’re the one who assassinated the king,” someone says from a dark corner. “We knew it was a noble but Duke Lysinthir? That’s unexpected.”
When someone clicks their tongue, I twist toward the sound, brandishing my knife.
“Who are you that you must hide in the shadows?” I ask.
“Oh! Apologies. I didn’t mean to make you nervous.”
The voice’s owner steps into the moonlight, and at the sight of him, I can’t help but display my surprise. Finally, I’ve found someone who’s homelier than me.
“My name is Aramar, my lord duke,” the man says with a bow, “and I am the spymaster of Ada’ir’s Hand.”
At that, I snort, partially from surprise—a member of the Hand would look nothing like THIS—but mostly with contempt.
“I hate to inform you of this, but your work to date has been less than admirable,” I say.
Rubbing his neck, Aramar says, “You're assuming that anything you've done over the last few years has been objectionable. Oh! Thank you for assassinating Belqarim, by the way. With how senile the old man was getting, we were worried about what might happen to this kingdom.”
Those words grant me more comfort than I’m willing to allow. Further justifications for the king’s murder might help soothe my conscience, but they’re coming from someone I might soon have to kill.
Besides that, this man, supposedly the spymaster of Ada'ir's Hand, has just admitted to wanting his king dead. That seems a bit... unusual to me. I require further clarification.
“What do you want?” I ask. “Your intention obviously isn’t to stop me from my purpose, or you’d have killed me before making yourself known.”
“We’ll get to that,” Aramar says. “First, may I ask why you want to assassinate the queen?”
Clasping his hands behind his back, he cocks his head.
“We were certain that you'd committed your killing spree for the realm’s protection and that alone.”
Killing spree? How much does this spymaster know? I’ve been meticulous with my kills, completing them so that whoever would investigate them would chalk them up to accidents or natural causes. Did I make a mistake?
And how did this Aramar parse my purpose? If they knew about my kills, most would assume that they were random.
“That’s right,” I cautiously say. “As for the queen, my reason is the same. She doesn’t have the influence needed to stay in power, and without that, she’s a threat to the realm.”
“In that, you’re wrong,” Aramar says with a chuckle. “She already controls Ada’ir’s army. Who do you think convinced the king to appoint Marcuset as its commander years ago, rather than the other, seemingly more competent candidates?”
I didn’t know that Kaedesa holds the army’s support, but that backing will only get her so far. What will she do when the nobles stop paying the taxes that fund her soldiers’ salaries?
But why am I taking the time to talk to this man? Every minute I delay is another that a palace guard might notice the lock that I broke to get in here.
Perhaps this spymaster is intentionally delaying me. Perhaps a retinue of guards is even now approaching the queen’s chambers to take me into custody.
“Don’t-!” Aramar shouts.
But I’ve already lunged. Before I can get too far, a hand snakes around my neck, forcing a clear mask over my nose and mouth, and this hold is quickly followed by the sound of a suppressed hiss. When did someone get behind-?
The hiss must have indicated something's release into this mask because my throat starts protesting the foreign substance now flowing down it, and I cough and cough and cough and-
Warm droplets splash against the mask’s interior, and it falls off of my face in time for me to drop to the ground. I claw at my neck while my overworked lungs continue expelling filth from my body, and with clean air exacerbating the fire sweeping down my airway, blood splatters across the floor with each jerking exhalation.
When the fit stops, I lie still with only the occasional twitch moving me, too stunned to do more.
“How should we restrain him?” a new voice asks. “I didn’t bring rope with me.”
“Drapes, Oswin.”
Next comes the sound of ripping fabric as well as the feel of hands dragging me upright and silky cloth binding me to wood.
“Apologies, Duke Lysinthir, but I did try to warn you.”
Aramar sounded almost sorrowful with that, and groggily, I stir in my seat.
“What-?” I say.
But it wasn’t my voice that emerged. It belongs to a stranger. Before I can marvel at this change, a shorter coughing bout wracks my frame once more.
“Might not want to use that for a while,” says the unidentified man.
“This is Middle,” Aramar says, gesturing to the stranger. “I’m sorry for not introducing him sooner, but I wasn’t sure how cooperative you’d be with us. It appears that my caution was warranted.”
Indeed. This spymaster took me by surprise with his subordinate but once I’m free…
Flexing against my bonds, I grunt.
“Yes, I’m afraid you’re stuck here for a time. In the meantime, perhaps you’ll listen to me,” Aramar says. “If you’d waited a moment longer, I planned to explain how Kaedesa intends to corral the nobility under her thumb. Fortunately for you, you’re essential for that task.”
I snort, belatedly grateful that the noise didn’t trigger another fit.
“You’d make a worthy addition to her growing Hand,” Aramar continues. “You have a unique position: an assassin with a conscience who holds high standing among the nobility, and Kaedesa has an army, one that’s keeping the Southern Kingdoms’ hordes from invading. Their patrols also allow trade to freely flow By combining our resources, Kaedesa hopes to convince your peers that she can lead this kingdom to greatness. But a large part of her plan relies on you.”
The spymaster falls silent, giving me time to think. Could this foreign queen do the impossible? With one conversation alone—even if it was held by proxy—she’s already proven herself resourceful, logical, and far-sighted, all excellent qualities in a monarch.
Meanwhile, what do I know about Wylumin, the next in line? The king’s cousin has run off to explore the ruins of a dead civilization, neglecting his role in the one that produced him. That's not even considering all the negative qualities I observed in him over the years of our youth.
Which of these two would give Ada’ir the safety her citizens deserve?
Forget the harm that these two men have caused me. They were only responding to the threat I unwittingly became, a threat to Ada'ir. I need to fix my failure to protect her.
Meeting Aramar’s eyes, I nod in acceptance of his unspoken proposition. Better the woman I have experience with than the man I know all too well.
“Excellent,” Aramar says, clapping his hands together. “Middle, release our new Pointer.”
While his subordinate follows his orders, Aramar crouches in front of me.
“I should tell you. Your goal aligns with Kaedesa’s almost exactly,” he says. “She too wants to provide safety for her people, but she envisions a far greater blanket of protection than one found in Ada’ir alone. She desires security for the entire world.”
Pausing, Aramar narrows his eyes.
“Tell me. What do you know about Auden?”
As the portcullis rumbled open, I prepared my mind for the coming struggles, but before I could get anywhere with that, a bolt of gloom tore past me, passing in such close proximity that it ripped my sleeve. Glaring at the Enforcer who’d thrown it, I stepped into the arena.
Having so many people’s eyes locked onto me was a strange sensation. For years, I’d worked in the shadows, more so the further I’d transitioned from a prominent duke of Ada’ir to the Pointer of Raimie’s Hand. An assassin wasn’t much good to the one they served if people took note of them while they were completing a job. Now, thousands of people were watching me, some with glee and some with newly piqued interest.
One quarter of the arena erupted into a confusing mixture of boos and cheers, emanating from the humans who’d come to watch the evening’s entertainment. This city, of all those large enough to host the fights, actively encouraged its citizens to participate in the spectacle. Doldimar thrived on chaos and corruption. If the humans who toiled under his reign wanted to add to it with their betting pools and blood lust, he wouldn’t deny them.
In another quarter of the arena, unnaturally blackened and roped skin surrounded a host of glittering eyes. The Kiraak’s appearance exacerbated their absolute silence and stillness. The view was unnerving, even to me, so I turned my back on them, facing the drop-off on the other side of the arena. I’d force my opponent into facing that unsettling sight, taking every advantage I could get.
Speaking of opponents, my first one came loping over the sand to join me on center stage. They’d sent me a slavering, gibbering husk of a man, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe this fight would give me enough time to twist the valve of my conscience closed.
Someone barked, “Begin!”
On receiving that command, I didn’t bother with fighting my opponent. Instead, a throwing knife was soon protruding from the man’s eye, all before he’d had time to move.
There was a surprised pause, but then, a Conscripted soldier moved forward to drag the body toward the drop-off to toss it over, all while the crowd loudly booed.
What had they expected from me? For those forced to participate in these fights, the point of the pits was to survive for as long as possible. I wasn’t about to waste effort on a fight that I could end before it began.
My next opponent was a teenager, and this ‘battle’ proved somewhat more challenging for me. While I killed the kid, my conscience strained against the barrier containing it, but somehow, I held it in check. I could self-flagellate later. At this point, guilt would only get me killed, and I couldn’t help Thumb if I was dead.
Next came a grim-faced woman, a man who screamed and begged, and another woman who’d lost the battle for her sanity. They began to blur together, each a repetition of a previous adversary.
At some point, the crowd, restless with boredom, shifted with a wave of unease spreading through them like a plague. While I waited for my next opponent, I searched for the source of this change and landed on a slim, handsome Eselan, settling into a seat near the front.
An Eselan in Auden? I’d thought that race had been wiped out here, a target of the Dark Lord and his armies.
If that peculiarity weren’t enough, the Kiraak around him were acting strangely. They visibly recoiled from the man, scrunching as far from him as possible, all while darting wanting glances his way. They’d given him plenty of room, enough for two, which was a marvel in this crowded arena, and if I squinted hard enough, I could almost see someone—no, something other—sitting beside the Eselan.
Before I could ponder this oddity to the extent I desired, the next fight began, and I was too caught up in killing my victims as quickly and painlessly as possible to return to the question of the Eselan in the crowd.
Right when I’d begun to think I’d never encounter a challenge, they pitted me against a woman who looked as if she might have been a soldier in the past. She successfully made two exchanges with me before the third killed her, and the crowd roared when her body hit the ground. After that, the enemies forced upon me ramped up in difficulty.
The night was growing late, and I was out of breath when the surprise came. The portcullis once more rolled up, the next poor sucker sauntered in, and my heart stopped.
What have they DONE to you, my love?
Adventures of the Hand 3.3
Pointer
A big man stopped opposite me, exactly as every other opponent had, and when he met my fervent gaze, recognition failed to flicker in his eyes.
“Thumb?” I said, pitching my ruined voice to carry over the crowd’s cheering.
Alouin, Thumb must have gained a lot of popularity in the days… weeks…
How long had he been here?
“Begin,” a voice called.
Thumb sprang into action, and caught off guard, I scrambled backward. I was used to the other man letting his opponents have the first few blows, all in order to assess their ‘pattern’ of attack. Thumb and his obsessions.
“Thumb!” I said again.
For the first time this day, I drew my sword to keep Thumb’s answer from splitting my skull in half. After that, I was too busy avoiding blows to say anything else.
I switched up my method of attack and defense as much as I could. Thumb excelled at detecting an opponent’s weaknesses, and in the past, that ability had gotten my ass handed to me on multiple occasions. I flowed through the standard soldier’s thrust and block, the bobbing weave of the Southern Kingdoms, and the whirlwind of motion favored by the Zrelnach.
It wasn’t enough. Smashing through my defenses, Thumb kicked me across the arena. Where the other man’s foot had impacted, something cracked in my chest, and I rolled several times before I could scramble to my feet again.
Thumb advanced on me and…
Damnit! If things continued like this, I’d be forced to fight seriously, and a loved one would die. Again.
Not again!
“Marsuvius!” I yelled. “Come on! Remember me. Please!”
Nothing from Thumb. Shit.
“Suvi!” I screamed as loudly as I could.
Hearing that moniker, Thumb stumbled to a halt with something fluttering across his face, but I was much too obsessed with my long-ruined vocal cords to notice it in full. Falling to my knees, I raked at my neck while flecks of blood flew to cover the distance between me and the other spy.
When I collapsed to my side, I knew this fit would be bad. Each cough was coming in such close proximity to the next that they’d stopped the flow of my breathing. My lungs screamed for air, and I was vaguely aware of fleshy bits joining the blood that was escaping from me.
Would this be it? The one that killed me?
No. The fit eventually calmed down, and I was left shuddering in the sand. The arena had gone quiet with nothing to fill the air besides the occasional scrape of skin against stone.
In my moment of helplessness, Thumb could have easily ended our fight. Why hadn’t he? Was he-?
Familiar hands hauled me upright. Their grip on my shoulders was all that kept me from tumbling to the ground for the second that it took for my legs to start working again.
“‘Sin?” Thumb asked with muddled worry brimming in his eyes.
Relief saturated me from head to toe, and grabbing Thumb’s face, I dragged it to me. I tasted blood and the salt of sweat on the other man, but interwoven with those was a taste that was distinctly ‘Suvi, ‘Suvi, ‘Suvi!
Lowering one hand, I fiddled with the weapons hanging on my belt, but when Thumb started twitching beneath my other hand, I released his face, pulling away even if I stayed firmly within his embrace. Thumb placed a single finger on my cheek with one eye spasming, and I knew how much that skin-to-skin contact was costing him.
“Why are you crying, Sin?” Thumb asked.
With a crooked smile as my only answer, I shoved my poisoned knife into Thumb’s back, and the big man’s eyes went wide. He backed away, reaching for the foreign object in him, and flowing behind him, I tripped him onto his stomach—I couldn’t watch ‘Suvi’s face for what would come next—and bent to yank the knife out of Thumb’s back. The other man’s body spasmed, all while a trickle of blood spilled from the wound.
When Thumb fell still, the usual Conscripted soldiers came forward to collect the body, but I faced them with my sword drawn and one foot on either side of Thumb.
“This one’s mine!” I snapped with a cough. “You can’t take him.”
Exchanging a dubious glance, the Conscripted soldiers reached for their weapons, ready to force the issue, but before they could take another step, a voice from the crowd filled the air.
“He can keep it.”
With every word spoken, that voice had oscillated between high and low pitches, and hearing it, I slowly looked up at the sole Eselan in the crowd.
With a manic grin, that man said, “I’m interested to see what he does with the body once decay takes hold of it, and while he’s enormously entertaining, I’ve had enough of him this evening. He’s too… efficient. I want carnage, not clean kills.”
Having received their orders, the soldiers bowed low, almost scraping the ground, and facing the Eselan, I inclined my head toward him, all while chaffing at how long this process was taking.
“Your generosity is appreciated, lord.”
Hell, how it had hurt to say something even that quietly.
Cocking his head, the Eselan… or possibly Doldimar said, “Such a rash of people showing fearlessness around me lately! I wonder, are you-?”
When he narrowed his eyes at me, a shiver rumbled over my body before I could stop it.
“No. Nobody’s stupid enough to infiltrate Elisk’s pits.”
Taking his eyes off of me, the Eselan snapped his fingers at the Conscripted soldiers.
“Get him and his new baggage out of my sight.”
Oh, thank Alouin.
As I shouldered Thumb’s body and followed the Conscripted soldiers out of the arena, the crowd didn’t dare make a peep, and once we’d passed into the holding pens, I winced. Damn but Thumb was heavy. All those muscles made for a heavy burden, but fortunately, the walk back didn’t take long.
Once they’d locked their captives inside one of the holding pens, the Conscripted soldiers left, and I dropped Thumb onto his back. The open gash in him would have to come later. I had to counteract the poison I’d given him first.
Clearing Thumb’s mouth with one hand, I withdrew a flask from my belt with the other. I poured its contents into the cleared passage, holding Thumb’s jaw closed while stroking his neck until its paralyzed muscles moved. Then, I rolled him onto his stomach, dipped a knife into the tiny meniscus left in the flask, and gently grazed the open wound’s edges with it. One more roll and I settled in to wait.
The seconds dragged by, and soon enough, I started fidgeting. Maybe it was because a loved one was lying here rather than a target who needed to vanish sans a messy murder, but while waiting, I had to swallow bile, occasionally flinging nervous energy off of my fingers. Alouin, what if I’d actually killed Thumb?
“Come on, ‘Suvi!” I rasped.
Another handful of seconds passed, and I couldn’t take it anymore. The poison’s reagent must not have worked. The hell was I supposed to do now? I killed people, not the opposite!
I’d have to try the only other option at my disposal, and if that didn’t work, I’d find a quiet corner to taste the contents of the flasks strapped to my belt.
“Don’t you dare leave me now,” I growled.
Straddling Thumb’s body, I prepared to bear down on his chest, but before I could, the other man gasped, coughing up a storm. I scrambled off of him in time to avoid the vomit that came out of his mouth, awkwardly rubbing Thumb’s back above his wound. Doing my best to provide comfort, I handed over my water flask, and for a solid minute, Thumb chugged at it until it was nearly empty.
“Ugh,” he grunted once he was finished.
Silence fell. It was so heavy, and I needed to fill it.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a small, detached voice. “It was the only way to get us out of the arena alive.”
Thumb merely stared off into space.
“If it helps, I fashioned an escape route for us to use once I’d found you,” I said. “We might even risk saving these people if you think we can get away with it. If you don’t want me near you once we’re free and clear, I’ll-”
Twisting around, Thumb pinned me into the dirt, roughly smothering my remorse with warm lips. I could still faintly taste vomit in ‘Suvi’s mouth, but honestly, I didn’t care. Wrapping an arm around his neck and another in his hair, I melted into him. After a moment, he broke contact, leaving me gasping.
“You’re not angry?” I asked.
“You found me,” Thumb said. “Why would I be mad?”
Leaning down, he nipped the spot on my neck that always sent shivers up my spine.
“‘Suvi!” I said with a restrained smile.
I shoved against the heavy body holding me down.
“We need to get out of here. Now.”
Sighing, Thumb sat back up.
“All right,” he said. “But once we’re out of here, we’ve got to find somewhere private, ‘Sin.”
Smirking, I said, “That we most certainly do.”
Getting to my feet, I extended a hand to Thumb.
“But for now, let’s focus on staying alive. As usual.”
Grimacing, Thumb took the offered hand, but of course he did. He knew how much I needed that form of contact right now.
“Time to get out of here,” I said.
Chapter 49: Full Extent of the Problem
Ryvolim
As usual, Sigemond’s tavern was noisy and packed, strongly smelling of alcohol and other types of sticky sweetness. Meandering to the bar, I raised a hand to grab the barkeep’s attention.
On noting me, Sigemond shouted, “Ah, Ryvolim! A whiskey fur yu, my friend?”
“No, thank you. Tempting, but no,” I said, chuckling. “I’m looking for Aramar. I was told he’d be here.”
“That’s right,” Sigemond said before pointing. “In corner there.”
Considering how similar it was to Raimie’s hair , the drab color atop Aramar’s head, sticking out from the crowd, should have been a blazing beacon for me. How had I missed him on first coming inside?
“Thank you, Sigemond!” I said with a quick grin.
Slicing through this thick crowd was a chore, but I did it despite my misgivings. As a result, I was out of breath by the time I reached the tavern’s far wall.
When I flopped onto the bench opposite Aramar, he was in the process of raising a froth-topped mug to his lips. He thought better of taking a sip, lowering it to the table instead.
“Rhylix,” he said.
Folding my hands on my stomach, I blandly smiled at him.
“One of the many names I go by.”
Aramar merely looked at me for quite a while, but eventually, he said.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I know what happens when an Ele primeancer restores an injury to the body. If you take on my paralysis, then-”
“I’ll be fine,” I said.
When I displayed my feral grin, Aramar flinched before turning his gaze on the crowded bar.
“Raimie told you what he wants?” he asked.
“He did.”
With his shoulder rising and falling, Aramar folded over on himself.
“I don’t want to leave him here, not with Eledis,” he said, “and I’ll never understand why he cares so much about Nylion. But if he needs space, I’ll give him space. I can always watch over him from afar.”
I had no reply for him—why would I deign to give him comfort?—and after a moment, Aramar turned to me.
“So, how do we do this?” he asked.
“All you need to do is let me touch you. I’ll do everything else,” I said. “May I have your hand?”
“You want to do this here?” Aramar hissed, glancing around the tavern. “You don’t want to go somewhere more private?”
“Here is fine.”
Aramar was taking too long. With what I’d recently learned, I was having a hard time with staying pleasant around the man. I’d thought that maybe I could resolve my own issues with him before completing this task, but on considering that, I kept seeing the pain that Raimie had shown me not long ago, all caused by his father. It made me want to hurt Aramar, which I couldn’t and more importantly, didn’t want to do, so reaching across the table, I rested my hand on the former spy and Let Go.
Something tore through my spine, an abrupt flash of agony that vanished so quickly it dazed me, and I lost all feeling below my waist.
I’d expected the paralysis. The drunkenness, however, came as a surprise, even with Raimie’s warning from earlier. With a spinning room refusing to give me the focus I needed to balance on my dead hips and legs, I toppled onto the table’s surface.
“Gods, how much have you had to drink?” I gasped.
I tried to right myself but only ended up knocking mugs to the floor. Fortunately, someone stopped my flailing, and I was dragged into a sitting position.
“Are you all right?” Aramar asked from somewhere beyond a golden haze.
“Peachy,” I groaned. “The tavern’s spinning like a top, I have little control over my thoughts, and I can’t feel my legs. Gods, I haven’t been drunk in ages, so thanks for that, at least. What about you?”
“Well, I’m standing without the help of that infernal device you once gave me,” Aramar said. “So, there’s that. I think it worked?”
“It did, which means our business is complete,” I said. “Much as I’d like to be polite and kind to you right now, all I currently have is for you to leave Tiro and stay away from Raimie, at least until he’s ready to see you again. It’ll be best for you both. Trust me.”
Aramar’s grip on my shoulder, once keeping me from falling, briefly clenched before he abruptly released me, but despite that, I managed to catch myself on the table before I could faceplant again.
Maybe Aramar imparted words of thanks before leaving, but if that was so, I didn’t hear them. The force that had plagued me throughout the cycles, the one that insisted on keeping me in perfect health, had decided to take its time with this paralysis, but given everything Creation had said earlier, I’d expected the delay.
I’d looked forward to testing my newly recovered ability to get drunk while waiting for a reticent healing wave, but apparently, I wouldn’t have to make the effort. Aramar had seen to it for me.
Floating in a drunken stupor, I occasionally tried to move my legs, laughing when they didn’t respond. I also tried to transition back into Ryvolim’s mindset, but that enthusiastic, optimistic, thoroughly human persona brutally clashed with the maelstrom roiling in my gut. Until I could dispel that storm, I hoped I could remember to answer to another name.
Also, rumors would unquestionably get started among those who’d known me as Ryvolim, the change in my personality would be so vast, but perhaps the others would chalk it up to a fugue that I’d acquired during the recent battle.
Yeah. That could work…
I dragged cupped hands through an ocean of blood, clawing my way to the surface. Ignoring the bodies of family and friends, clogging the liquid around me, I focused on the pinpoint of bright red above, but with every stroke that I took, it retreated a step further. My lungs begged for something, ANYTHING to fill them, and while I fought the impulse for as long as I could, I eventually gave in and drowned on blood…
When someone poked my shoulder, I snorted awake, quickly realizing that I’d gone through yet another nightmare.
Those had picked up in frequency since Da’kul. Over the winter, I’d had a break from them, and my freedom from visiting a world of blood every night had come as a relief. In the last week, however, nights spent flailing amongst my dead loved ones had called on me three times. Soon, sleep would bring nothing but the memory of past violence and dearly loved faces, slackened by death. Yet another delight to add to the pile.
“Surry, Ryvolim, sir, but I’m closing,” Sigemond rumbled above me. “Yu all right? Were thraeshing.”
I didn’t answer that question, blearily looking around instead.
“What time is it?” I asked, rubbing my face.
“Urly hours of the murn, sir,” Sigemond said.
Nodding, I yawned, ruffling my hair into some semblance of order before scooting to the end of the bench.
“Let me get out of your-”
When I tried to stand, my legs refused to support my weight, and I collapsed to the ground, smashing my chin on the table on the way down. Groaning, I tried and failed to get up, once again.
“Damnit, really?” I snapped.
Why was I still paralyzed? Hours had come and gone since I’d healed Aramar.
“…Are you all right, Ryvolim?” Sigemond said. “Shuld I get someone for yu?”
“Raimie!” I said. “Get Raimie. Please.”
Eyeing my laid-out state, Sigemond said, “Ok… shuld I help yu-?”
When he reached for me, I quickly shook my head.
“Please, just… find my friend.”
With a nod, Sigemond dashed out of the tavern with the door slamming behind him.
Once I was alone, I shouted, “Creation, get out here!”
When they popped into existence, they had the most annoyed look on their face, immediately saying.
“There’s no need for that, Eria-”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!”
My shout reverberated in the empty tavern, and when Creation jerked away from me, I winced. That had been much more aggressive than I should have been. Before I could apologize for my behavior, though, Creation went pale, reaching for my legs.
“What did you do?” they gasped.
“Healed Aramar for Raimie,” I said. “Don’t worry about it. Just tell me if I’m stuck like this.”
Because that could cause… problems. I could handle it, given time and patience, but I doubted I’d have either of those things in my present circumstances.
“I told you that the whole was abandoning you!” Creation said. “Why would you immediately go out and get yourself hurt after I did that?”
“Because I didn’t think that Ele’s ‘perfect health’ trait could fail on me like this,” I said. “I knew it would take longer for me to come back from death, but I didn’t know how far this abandonment would go. Seems it’s much further than I assumed.”
Groaning, I rubbed my face before something froze me solid.
Wait a minute. Did this mean…? Could I die—really, truly die—now?
Where was my sword?
No. Hang on. Even if I could finally move on from this plane of existence, I had too many responsibilities here. I couldn’t leave Raimie behind, especially not after everything he’d told me last night, and besides that, I’d made a promise to Arivor. I wouldn’t let Daevetch continue to manipulate my old friend, simply because Ele had partially retracted its claws from me.
And… I didn’t want to die. Seizing an easy solution to my curse—one that might not actually solve anything, now that I thought about it—seemed short-sighted. There had to be a better way to end the cycle. I needed to keep looking for it.
Which meant I needed to figure out how to heal from the condition I’d taken from Aramar.
As if reading my mind, Creation sighed.
“Pull from me,” they said. “I’ll help you bend reality so you can retrieve enough of my whole for healing.”
Smirking, I said, “We’ve spent way too much time together. You shouldn’t be able to know what I’m thinking like that.”
Creation rolled their eyes.
“Just do it, arrogant snot.”
And I obliged them. I didn’t bother with teasing at Ele, taking what was rightfully mine before infusing my body with it. As I did, Creation choked and gagged, and the gates stayed open for a moment longer. Then, they slammed closed with that loss of contact jarring me, but I’d stolen enough. I hoped.
If I coated my body with Preservation’s power, it should jumpstart the healing process, or at least, that was the idea. I didn’t have any experience with this application of Ele, so I couldn’t be sure it would work. I’d have to hope I was right, trusting that Creation, with their eons of lived experience, wouldn’t have suggested this if it wouldn’t .
Speaking of which, I should check on them.
With difficulty, I split my awareness, leaving one part firmly holding onto Ele while the other found my constant shadow, but at the sight of them, I almost lost hold of that primal power.
Creation’s form was flickering with internal waves distorting their body. Their features had been stretched apart so far that the edges had disappeared while their fingertips had pinched into a vanishing point. The view reminded me of when a splinter popped out of existence, but in slow motion.
Come on, my friend. Don’t heed the whole’s call yet. Stay here. With me.
When I reached for Creation, they struggled to clasp my hand. At the sensation of physical touch, I frowned and then…
White light blossomed on my legs, but tingling agony accompanied its normally soothing presence. When I screamed, Creation wailed alongside me, flickering and flashing until it hurt to look at them and then…
Ele retreated like a wounded dog from us both. Hissing, I rubbed my legs to soothe lingering pins and needles while beside me, Creation coughed, grabbing at their neck.
“What is this?” they asked. “Is this breathing? Why do I need to breathe?”
I shot an annoyed look at Creation, but that changed when I saw how wide their eyes had gone. Sliding closer to them, I patted their back.
“There, there,” I said.
Wait. I’d actually patted their back. I could feel them.
“What the-?”
Narrowing my eyes, I poked Creation’s cheek, getting a startled yelp in return. Slapping at my hand, they rubbed at the offended spot with a glare.
“That… hurt?” they said. “What in the name of the whole is wrong with me?”
Oh, no. I couldn’t stop it. I shouldn’t do this but-
Bursting into laughter, I gasped, “Welcome to the ranks of the living.”
Raimie chose this moment to burst through the tavern’s door, and the laughter that I’d already thought too intense doubled in strength. Tipping over, I hit the floor, clutching at my stomach. Gods, it hurt.
“Alouin, Rhy!” Raimie said as he rushed over. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve joined you fleshy mortals! That’s what’s wrong!” Creations shouted before gasping.
With their hands flying to their neck once more, they wrinkled their nose.
“Ouch. What… is this? How do you people stand it? And how long do I have to keep breathing like this?”
Wiping my eyes, I caught Raimie’s confused look, but I was still too absorbed with catching my breath to explain.
“Um… it never stops?” he said.
“How do you lot endure this on a daily basis?” Creation said, mostly to themselves.
“Wait until you need to eat,” I said, suppressing a grin. “Eating by itself is rather fun but if you wait a few hours…”
Creation’s look of horror was worth it. Worth their previous cycles of nagging and monitoring. Worth every time they’d made me murder my best friend.
“Ok. I don’t know how this—whatever it is—happened, but hopefully, we can help you fix it,” Raimie said. “Bright? Dim? Do you have any thoughts?”
From where they’d appeared beside Raimie, Dim said, “Why would I help an enemy regain their power? Besides, I think this is hilarious.”
For the first time, I found myself agreeing with a Daevetch splinter. What strange times I’d found myself in.
Unlike their counterpart, Bright merely circled Creation with a look of concentration on their face.
“Our Champion did this?” they asked as they crouched in front of the splinter-turned-human. “You haven’t stayed away from the whole for too long or directly disobeyed the consensus?”
“I only helped him with something that the whole might have frowned upon,” Creation said.
Looking at their hands, they looked so lost, and seeing that, I wanted to smack myself. Gods, I was acting like an asshole.
“Then, this may be a silly question,” Bright said, “but have you tried returning to the whole?”
As Creation’s mouth dropped open, they furrowed their brow before disappearing with a pop.
“There,” Bright said, brushing their hands off. “Problem solved.”
“How did they-?” Raimie said before lifting a hand. “No, wait. What just happened?”
Bright affectionately patted his shoulder.
“One moment, Raimie.”
Then, they rounded on me.
“You!”
As Bright flung Ele at me, it washed over my body with the barest of stings.
“I never thought I’d have to say this to you, but STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD!” they shouted. “Yes! My whole has abandoned you. Yes! It’s come after millennia of service along with all of the suffering that entailed. Yes! That’s not fair. But in the name of the whole, Eriadren, try to look at the big picture.”
Gods, they’d raised their voice so much, making me shrink away from them. I didn’t think I’d ever seen an Ele splinter this angry before, and I most certainly had never seen this particular splinter acting so… like this before.
“My whole hasn’t completely abandoned you yet, or you’d be long dead by now,” they continued. “The process of restoring your body to perfect condition simply takes longer than it did before. Get used to it! Life changes, even one as long as yours.
“You’ve known for a while that something’s different about this cycle. I mean… look at your ally. A dual primeancer? We haven’t seen someone like that since Alouin.”
Bright got right in my face with their voice lowered to a whisper.
“The Eternal War can never end, Eriadren. The destruction of one side by the other would mean reality’s annihilation. Raimie, however, may have the ability to fix the massive disbalance between us, started by your silly experiment. Maybe, maybe he can free you from your ‘curse’ as well, but getting angry with a force of nature like Ele won’t solve anything. Drop it. Do we understand one another?”
Swallowing, I could do nothing more than nod, for the moment at least.
“Good,” Bright said.
And they turned away.
Chapter 50: Pivot Point
Ryvolim
Seemingly finished with me, Bright craned their head toward their human.
“Crisis solved,” they said. “You can tell him your news now.”
“But you didn’t answer my… ugh!”
Groaning, Raimie slapped a hand to his face.
“Whatever. I should be used to people keeping things from me by now,” he said. “Guess I’ll follow my reliable routine of pretending I’m not confused as hell.”
With a head shake, he crouched beside Bright.
“Are you all right, Rhy? I’ve never seen Sigemond moving so quickly before.”
With a grimace, I said, “I’m fine, although I may need help with getting to my feet. We should let Sigemond close shop, like he was doing before I asked him to get you.”
“Sure.”
With Raimie’s help, I got to my feet, but as soon as he stopped steadying me, I wobbled, having to grab for a table. At that, Raimie, of course, tried to help me again.
Waving him off, I said, “I promise. I’m fine. My legs are a little unsteady, is all. Let’s get out of here.”
As he followed me out of the tavern, Raimie watched me, probably so he could catch me if I fell. I didn’t like him thinking he needed to take care of me, so I tried to distract him.
“What did Bright mean when they mentioned news?” I asked.
“Oh, that,” Raimie said.
Half-closing one eye, he rubbed the back of his neck.
“After you left, I spent most of last night browsing reports from the Hand-”
“Not sleeping?” I amusedly interrupted.
“I did some of that too! Hell, you really are like a mother hen sometimes,” Raimie said. “I kept waking up, though, so I gave up on sleep after a while.
“Anyway, it seems we’ve missed a lot of Hand business while capturing the Birthing Grounds. Apparently, Thumb sent us a warning about Kaedesa’s arrival a while back. I wish I’d read that report before she showed up on our doorstep, but I guess that’s in the past . I can’t change it. Something else that could be significant, though: we received a rather succinct report from Pointer last night.”
Frowning, I said, “Remind me which Hand member Pointer is again?”
“Wait, have you met all of them?” Raimie said. “I didn’t think- No, actually, it makes perfect sense that you’d know who’s in my Hand.”
As he shook his head, I smirked at him. I had always gone out of my way to make sure Raimie was as safe as he could be. So, as soon as I'd learned about Oswin before the beach battle so many months ago, I’d figured out who else might be a spy in my ally’s army.
“Pointer’s the slender, tall, and utterly nondescript one,” Raimie said.
“Ah, yes,” I said with a nod. “The one who’s in love with the big guy.”
“The big… Thumb?” Raimie said. “Pointer and Thumb are together?”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at his reaction.
“Yes, but hush! I don’t think anyone’s supposed to know about that,” I said. “So, what did Pointer have to say?”
“Uhmm…” Raimie said before shaking his head to clear it. “He- he wrote up his assessment of Elisk’s defenses as well as sharing that he and Thumb have escaped the city and are on their way home.”
Well, then. Finally, some progress.
Making a sharp turn, I ducked into an alley, and after making sure no one besides Raimie was watching, I used Ele to spring from perch to perch until I clanged onto a poorly placed balcony, far above the heads of the people meandering down the street. Peeking through the door that led onto my narrow roost, I scanned the empty room beyond with satisfaction. I was in the process of building an Ele cocoon between my hands when Raimie leapt onto the balcony beside me.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “Why the subterfuge?”
Giving him a significant glance, I finished with my cocoon of white light before answering.
“I’m making sure that Doldimar can’t overhear us. He doesn’t like using a shade meld to eavesdrop on his enemies, but for this conversation, we must be, without a doubt, alone. Now. What did Pointer say about Elisk’s defenses?”
With his lips pursed, Raimie examined my cocoon, obviously trying to figure out how he could recreate what he was seeing.
“Basically, he said that if we tried to take the city now, it would end in a slaughter,” he distractedly said.
All right. That was about what I’d expected, which made my next question so much more painful to ask.
“Is Doldimar in the city?”
Focusing back on me, Raimie said, “That depends. Is he a crazy, blonde-and-blue-haired Eselan?”
“How am I supposed to know what Arivor’s current body looks like? He’s always been a recluse once he’s taken over,” I said, “but he would be the only non-Corrupted Eselan in his domain. His first task with every cycle is to wipe out or convert others of our kind.”
“That… makes sense, unfortunate as it is.”
With a grimace, Raimie got a faraway look in his eyes for a noticeable amount of time before slapping at his cheeks.
“If that’s true, then yes. Doldimar’s in the city,” he said.
Looking away, I bit the inside of my lip. Hell. A silly part of me had been hoping to hear the opposite.
“Why is that relevant, Rhy?” Raimie asked.
Puffing out a sigh, I hugged myself while keeping my Ele-wreathed hands visible.
“I need you to give the order to attack Elisk,” I said, looking over my friend’s head.
As a choked cough flew from him, Raimie rocked backward.
“Why would I do that?” he hissed. “I just said an assault on the city would lead to a slaughter.”
Gods damnit. Gods damnit, why was this cycle forcing me to ask my friend if he’d order the people he considered family into a battle that would claim far too many lives?
“Ele’s losing to Daevetch, Raimie,” I said, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “If you don’t believe me about that, you can ask your splinters. And I’m… my powers are failing me. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be able to kill Daevetch’s Champion.”
“But that’s… huh.”
Raimie pulled Ele to one hand, adding to my glow, before briefly pulling Daevetch into the other one. Flinging both away, he shook out his hands.
“You’re right,” he said. “I’d noticed that Ele was getting sluggish when I called for it, but I thought that was because of how much Daevetch I’ve had to use recently.”
“That’s reasonable,” I said, “but wrong.”
“Well, shit.”
Holding my breath, I gave my friend a moment to fully appreciate the implications of what I’d said before continuing.
“I’m not like the spies of your Hand. I can’t approach the city by myself because Doldimar will feel me coming from miles away. I need you and your army to play distraction while I sneak up on him and end the threat.”
Frowning, Raimie slowly says, “I know that, but… what about your other goal?”
He leaned forward, dropping his voice into a conspiratorial whisper.
“Breaking the cycle?”
With a sad chuckle, I said, “If things continue as they have been this time around, I don’t think the cycle will be a problem for much longer. That, however, isn’t a question I can afford to think about any longer. We could take the time to figure out how to fix the disbalance between Ele and Daevetch, definitively releasing me from this repetition of pain and death. We could risk the chance that while undertaking that search, my ability to kill Doldimar fails. Or we can end the threat to Auden now. Let you, your people, and countless generations lead full, happy lives.”
With his jaw set, Raimie said, “I’m willing to take that chance. The world shouldn’t rely on you alone to kill Doldimar. Another way to deal with this problem must exist. We can find it together.”
“Can we?” I asked. “Doldimar is sustained by a force similar to what’s keeping me alive. I’m not sure why I’ve been able to kill him as many times as I have.”
Crossing his arms, Raimie glared at me, probably frustrated with me for giving up so easily. I could hear him saying those words, even knowing that he never actually would.
“Say we focused on the curse afflicting the two of you. Say we found a solution,” he said instead. “If the cycle’s broken, Doldimar could revert to Arivor again, and the need to kill him would vanish. It wouldn’t matter if your ability to do it still worked.”
“Or he could stay Doldimar, a powerful Daevetch primeancer in command of a vast army. One that he’s had centuries of experience with leading,” I said.
Oh gods, the struggle on Raimie’s face! My friend desperately wanted a happy ending for us all, and it warmed my heart that he cared so much, but sometimes, happy endings were like an isolationist Ratchavish town that happily accepted foreign visitors. They just didn’t exist.
“I’ll give the order,” Raimie said with his shoulders slumping.
Nodding, I prepared to drop down to the streets below.
“But, Rhy?”
When I looked up, I barely held back a wince on seeing my friend’s stiff posture and the stubborn look in his eyes.
“Don’t you dare think about doing anything stupid on your own,” Raimie said. “I’ll go with you to face him.”
I’d confronted Doldimar countless times, faced every trick in the Dark Lord’s arsenal, retreated, regrouped, and suffered far too many agonies on this last, inevitable leg of the cycle. I was more than prepared for what the next few weeks would bring with them. Even so, it was touching that my friend wanted to help, even if it made lying to him hurt all the worse.
“Of course, Raimie,” I said. “I’d never leave you out of this.”
Chapter 51: Saying Goodbye
Kylorian
Raimie and his army had left Tiro a day or so ago, almost as soon as his people had returned from the Birthing Grounds, and I was still struggling with figuring out how I felt about that. In many ways, I was questioning what I knew about him.
I’d thought he was smarter than this. Who rushed off to take a kingdom’s capital when the rest of the place was still firmly under its oppressor’s sway?
But then, maybe he wasn’t truly on his way to assault Elisk. Maybe he’d used that as an excuse to get out of Tiro before anything untoward could happen to him or his people. His timing had certainly been impeccable, departing from the city mere hours before Tanwadur had arrived back home.
At the least, I knew I was jealous of Raimie for dodging that man’s wrath. I was also grateful to him for leaving when he had, though, because without a target for him to direct his anger at, my father had retreated into his study for the last day, which had been both a blessing and a curse. It meant I didn’t have to discover what his initial reaction to our circumstances would be, but it also meant that Eliade had been left alone to deal with her grief, and I… I’d been so busy with… other things that I’d had little time to help her.
And there was that. The other things.
Over the last few days, I’d been dealing with a sense of metaphorical whiplash on top of everything else, all caused by Ren. When I’d first barged in on her after she’d run away from me and the news I’d brought home, the sheer overload of seeing her cuddling with another man, coming so soon after I’d had my own confrontation with said man, had brought my ‘inner Dury’ out in full force. It was something I greatly regretted, if only for how it had affected Ren.
But then, mere hours after that… incident, Ren had come bursting in on me, in the first quiet moment I’d found since returning home, only to tell me that she and Raimie were finished. She’d been inconsolable ever since.
I understood why Raimie had broken things off with her. Marrying Queen Kaedesa was a wise move, gaining him more economical and military power than I could possibly hope to counter. If I’d known she was in the country, I might have tried proposing a similar scenario to her. If that weren’t enough, I didn’t even blame him for choosing Kaedesa over Ren. The move made so much sense that I’d have been confounded if he hadn’t gone for it.
Still. Seeing Ren, the girl I’d loved since childhood, crying her eyes out over him had been… difficult, and I’d been struggling with figuring out where to place the anger it had caused. What did I do with it when I couldn’t blame anyone for what had happened?
It didn’t help that I hadn’t been angry like this in a good, long while. Any time the emotion had come up in the past, I’d easily pushed it away, burying it deep down, but this anger wouldn’t let me do that. Every time I thought I’d mastered it, it came back up, and because of that, I’d been taking a lot of breaks in my home to calm down, in between everything else that had required my attention recently.
That was where I was now, pacing up a storm, but I knew I couldn’t keep at this for much longer. I was supposed to meet my family at Tiro’s graveyard soon, which was just…
Hell, I didn’t want to do that.
But I had to. So after a few more passes across the room, I turned to the door in a forced jerk and marched outside.
Tiro’s graveyard wasn’t found inside the city. Given how small our hideaway was, there was barely enough room for the living here, much less the dead.
Even still, the dead must be honored and remembered. It was the least we few surviving Audish could do for those that our Dark Lord’s reign had deemed unworthy.
Hence, why Tiro had a single weak point in its defenses, most especially in the many ways we remained hidden.
At the join where the city-concealing lattice and mountain shelf met, there was a small opening in the vines and leaves covering it. A concealed trail led from this point to a spot near the top of the mountains, far enough away that it didn’t reveal Tiro’s locations while remaining within walking distance. Here was where we honored our dead.
Eliade and Ren were waiting for me there, but I saw no sign of Tanwadur. After glancing across the barren rock around us, I approached the women with an eyebrow raised.
“Where is he?”
As Eliade choked back a sob, Ren hugged herself, looking off toward the far distant Narrow Sea.
“Not coming,” she said. “He wouldn’t answer me when I knocked on his door this morning.”
…Not… coming? To his own son’s funeral?
“That asshole,” I said under my breath.
Wiping her eyes, Eliade said, “Your father’s grieving, Ky. He does it in his own way. I’m sure he’ll come out here when he’s ready.”
That was debatable. Still, I wrapped my arms around Eliade, squeezing her.
“I know.”
On pulling away from her, I winced.
“I guess it’s down to me to lead this thing, then, huh?”
Ducking her head, Eliade fiddled with her tunic, staring at her hands all the while.
“You don’t have to, Ky,” she whispered. “I… I can-”
“No.”
I reached forward to nudge my mother’s chin up.
“We agreed on this earlier,” I said. “After you clearly stated how much leading this would destroy you, Dury said he’d take the task on to spare you, and I promised that I’d serve in his stead, if need be.”
“But-!”
Squeezing her shoulder, I said, “I can do this, mom. Please, let me.”
Eliade fiercely bit her lip before nodding.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
I ignored her unasked for and frankly, unwanted gratitude. When I glanced at Ren, she huffed out a sigh before leading the way to where one of her scouts had left everything we’d need for this process.
They’d picked a good spot. It wasn’t too far from the other graves but was distant enough to grant visitors privacy, and a lone tree, clinging to the nearby mountainside, provided some shade for us.
Hadrion’s sword as well as a jar and a wrapped bundle waited for us there. While Eliade and Ren came to a stop a few paces away from this, I continued forward, picking up the sword once I could. I turned to them, laying the weapon across my palms so they could see it, and cleared my throat.
“We are here to honor Hadrion: a son, a brother, and one we loved. In his death, we speak to his essence, flinging our words into the void in the hopes that his essence may hear us.”
“Please, let him hear us,” Eliade and Ren intoned.
I couldn’t bear to look at them for long. Eliade’s body was already shaking like a leaf—and we hadn’t gotten to the hard part yet—while Ren looked empty. Her red-rimmed eyes stared through me while a puppeteer moved her body, and the sight of them in this grief-stricken state killed me. It reached into my heart and mind, and something like what they were experiencing pulsed back.
I wrenched my eyes above their heads before the sensation could overcome me.
“Hadrion wasn’t much of a warrior, and it’s safe to say that everyone knew this,” I continued. “Even still, he worked hard to learn what martial skills he had, never realizing how strong of a champion he was in the fight for our humanity. In the tongue of our ancestors, everyone he touched has always spoken of him as unlida—”
‘Inspiring’-Yskella, the master of Tiro’s training yard.
“—valkonen—”
‘Valuable’-Sigemond, barkeep.
“—enenkiva vo salunan—”
‘Light in the dark’-Rhylix, a brother’s friend, now gone.
“—…unlavi.”
‘Hope’-Raimie, friend. Killer. The one who might save me from my fate.
Woodenly, I lowered the sword to the ground between me and the girls, returning to the pile at my back for the jar. As I joined Eliade and Ren once more, I noted that my mother had started openly sobbing before pulling the jar’s lid off.
“Today, we name our brother and son in full. In the way of our ancestors, we name him.”
I stuck my fingers into the mix of ashes and water that the jar contained before getting on my knees. With the mixture I’d gathered, I painted three words near the sword, trying not to think about what the grime on my hands—a grey slightly darker than the stone beneath it—really was.
Above me, my mother whispered the three words I’d written—
“Hadrion val Compassion.”
—before bursting into tears again.
I hoped I’d chosen correctly. When it had come to fully naming my brother, I’d had to narrow everything he’d been into a single word, and the idea that I might gain this responsibility had been at the back of my mind, rolling over on itself, since I’d brought Hadrion home a week ago. Given my mother’s reaction and how Ren had slowly lowered herself to the ground with me, I thought they might agree with my decision.
At this point, I should get back up and retrieve the final piece of our ceremony. I should unwrap it and finish with this task, but… but I couldn’t move. I tried to send the energy radiating from my chest to my legs instead of my arms, but they refused to receive it, becoming so much dead meat beneath me.
I couldn’t fail my brother in this, not after failing him so horribly at the end of his life. I couldn’t, but with my body refusing to listen to me, I could only look at my mother, hoping she’d see the dilemma on my face.
When she met my gaze, Eliade’s eyes softened, and with a fierce sniff, she drew herself upright, nodding once. She marched past me, leaving me to stare at the mess I’d made, but on retrieving the last piece of our ceremony, she joined me and Ren on the ground.
Gently, she laid a wrapped bundle into my limp hands, waiting until I forced my dirty fingers to close around it before letting go. Eliade said not a word, merely reaching up to brush my cheek before returning her attention to a sword and its owner’s name, scrawled beneath it.
I was so grateful to her for this. For doing what I could not. For letting me finish a task I’d momentarily faltered in. For making not one comment about how I’d needed her help. It let me take a deep breath and unwrap a piece of tanned leather from around the only substantial pieces of my brother that remained.
Holding my breath, I handed three of the four out: a lock of hair—the easiest of the pieces—to my mother, a tooth to Ren, a fingerbone for me.
Picking up the jar once more, I drew a circle around a sword and a name, dividing it into thirds, before sprinkling the rest of the jars contents along the sword’s scabbard. Ren and Eliade joined me in holding our pieces of a loved one over this scene.
“We carry you with us,” I started.
Shakily, Eliade said, “You’re with me always.”
She folded her lock of hair into a knot before pinning it into her own mass of hair. Its blonde color was a stark contrast against her darker one.
“You’re with me always,” Ren said.
Bringing the tooth to her mouth, she kissed it before tucking it into a pocket at her waist.
Which brought things back to me.
No matter how much I didn’t deserve to do so, I said, “You’re with me always.”
With a leather thong, I tied my brother’s finger bone around the harness of my sword’s scabbard. Then, I reached for Ren’s hand, grabbing my mother’s as soon as my sister had accepted it.
Once we were joined together, I said, “Hadrion val Compassion, you have made your mark on us all. You were loved, my brother. You were… loved. May that love guard you against our one, true enemy, the Morán. May that love protect you in the void beyond the real.”
And that was it. The Rionunder Ceremony of the Dead, passed down from the time before Alouin had brought the Esela to our world, was complete. Now, we could turn to our own outpouring of grief.
Chapter 52: A Decision for Myself
Kylorian
Unfortunately, turning to their own grief was a luxury only Eliade and Ren could afford right now. After hugging them both, murmuring reassuring words as they shuddered or remained dry-eyed, I left Tiro’s graveyard in a rush. On storming into the city, I made straight for my parent’s home, barely remembering to open its door gently instead of slamming my way through it as I’d like. My mother lived here too, after all.
I didn’t bother with knocking on Tanwadur’s door. Striding through it, I advanced on him, which gave him enough time to look up from his desk in surprise.
“Ky! I was hoping you’d come here-”
Slamming my soiled hand in front of him, I pointed at it.
“Look at this, Dury.”
And when he only stared at me with tightened eyebrows, I fucking roared.
“Look at it!”
Reluctantly, he turned his gaze downward, and I stabbed my floating finger toward my hand once more.
“These are Hadrion’s ashes, dad. Your son’s ashes!” I shouted. “Why weren’t you there to honor him? Did his life mean so little to you?”
Sighing, Tanwadur said, “You’re being dramatic, Kylorian. Of course Hadrion meant something to me! Of course he did. Now, would you please calm down and sit?”
Calm… down? He wanted me to calm down?
“I had to take your place in the Ceremony!” I shouted. “I had to do something awful for you again because you- you-”
Heat had clogged up my throat so badly that all the words I wanted to say got caught in my chest instead. As I struggled with this blockage, Tanwadur calmly looked up at me and said one word.
“Good.”
The icy tone in that word reminded me about who I was talking to. It reminded me that Tanwadur had yet to greet me after coming home to find his son dead.
Heat was still beating against the door to my mind, but still, I swallowed. Straightened. Took a step back. Watched him for what he’d do next.
Tanwadur merely returned to what he’d been doing before I barged in on him. I listened to the steady scratch of his quill across a page, along with his quiet breathing, until I couldn’t resist the question poised on my tongue any longer.
“How is any of this ‘good’?” I said, barely keeping my voice from a growl.
“Because now, maybe you’ve learned your lesson,” Tanwadur said without looking up. “After you gave me your opinion on the problem in our midst, I told you that you shouldn’t believe a word he said, and yet, you still sided with him on his half-mad dash to the Birthing Grounds. You trusted him with your brother’s life, and because of that, Hadrion’s dead. I’ve let you suffer the full consequences of those choices, hoping you’d understand how important it is to listen to me, although I suppose you’ll have to tell me if that’s finally happened.”
He… blamed me for Hadrion’s death? I… I…
Dully, I said, “I’ve always known that listening to you was the wisest course of action.”
“Mm,” Tanwadur hummed.
He tapped his quill’s tip on the paper for a moment before looking up at me.
“I understand why all of this has happened. For years, I’ve been waiting for you to rebel against my directives, as every boy does when he grows up. It’s unfortunate that you chose these difficult times to test yourself against me, but in the end, we will deal with our losses. The important thing is that you now know how disastrous choosing your own path can be. You know you should follow the one I’ve laid down for you instead.”
For a moment, I simply blinked at him before realizing he expected a reply from me.
The only one I could manage was, “Yes, sir.”
Leaning back in his chair, Tanwadur speculatively eyed me for what felt like forever before shaking his head.
“Then again, perhaps this is my fault too, at least in part,” he said. “It’s been a while since I’ve shown you what it’s like to stay in my good graces. Do you need a reminder of what that feels like, Kylorian?”
My mind and body locked up. I knew I couldn’t show this to him, though, so I made my clumsy tongue move inside my frozen mouth.
“No. Thank you, sir.”
When Tanwadur stood up, I felt myself going fully numb, felt my body tingling in a far distant place. I watched from the back of my head as he came closer.
“Are you sure?” he asked, peering into my eyes.
Scrambling to move something, even as far away as I was, I used metaphorical pins to contort my lips into a smile.
“I’m sure,” came out of my mouth. “Thank you, sir.”
Tanwadur’s face softened, and he pulled me into a hug. Each pound of his hand on my back brought me more fully into control of my body, and once it felt like it might be mine again, I hesitantly returned his embrace.
“It’s going to be ok, son,” he whispered in my ear. “We’ll work through this together.”
He released me, strolling back to his desk, and I just breathed.
“I’m already working on a plan to handle Raimie, on the off chance he doesn’t get killed on this newest endeavor of his. While I was visiting Da’kul, the commander he’d placed there, Gistrick, went running off on his own, well before news of the idiot’s newest strategy reached the fort. It seems the commander has his doubts about his leader. Maybe we can cultivate those doubts until he becomes our ally,” Tanwadur said as he sat, “although given his decision to attack Elisk, of all places, it seems unlikely we’ll see Raimie’s face again. If we do, though, I want to be ready to take our revenge for Hadrion out on him.”
…Revenge? Did that mean he blamed Raimie for what had happened? I didn’t… didn’t…
“In the meantime, I need you to take care of Eliade and your sister,” Tanwadur continued. “I’ll let you know when we’re ready for the next step.”
When he glanced at me, I nodded, which seemed to satisfy him. With a half-smile, he waved at me.
“Now, go wash that filth off of your hands,” he said. “It’s time to move on.”
“Yes, sir,” I said.
Now released, I could march into the street outside, hazily watching people pass on either side of me. A well up ahead drew me forward like a magnet, and when I reached it, I hauled up a bucket of water, unhooking it so I could take it to a nearby gutter. I plunged my hand into its icy confines, scrubbing it until it was bright pink, and once it was clean, I emptied the bucket. I watched dirty water—Hadrion!—swirl along the gutter’s incline until it mixed with the other filth and sludge further down the way.
This was what my brother had become, was it? Filth to be washed away? All because of m- Raimie?
When I blinked, that complicated, confusing man was standing in front of me, and I watched myself wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze and squeeze and SQUEEZE until life started leaking out of him. Then, I stepped back and made him suffer until-
I blinked again, and he was gone, leaving me barren and empty. I was faintly surprised at how violent I’d so quickly become. Had that imagining been truly mine, or had it been my ‘inner Dury’, coming out to play? Did I blame Raimie for my brother’s death, or was that only my father, messing with my head, yet again?
It was concerning that I didn’t know the answer to either of those questions.
I had to figure it out. When it came to this one, singular thing, I couldn’t let Tanwadur influence me, not in any way. Raimie had been the first and only person I’d related to who wasn’t connected to my father. I- I needed to know if he was my enemy or my friend.
And I couldn’t figure that out while I was here.
With that fact known, my next steps were easy. I secured supplies from someone who’d survived a recent Harvest, one I’d led the rescue for. While checking on my people, I made sure that they knew they weren’t to follow new orders until I returned. They were free to protect Tiro as they saw fit, but I didn’t want them doing anything else, especially if the idea came from Tanwadur. And then, I headed for the closest stable to the city’s stone doors.
I was saddling a horse, checking on her tackle as I did so, when Ren found me. Her appearance didn’t surprise me as much as it probably should have. She and Hadrion had always had an uncanny ability to know when I was about to leave them.
I ignored her as she walked into the stable. She paused, crossing her arms to watch me for a moment. Once she was ready to speak, she walked forward, laying a hand on my arm.
“You’re going?” she softly asked.
Without looking at her, I nodded.
“I have to get away for a while. Need to figure some things out for myself,” I said. “I’m sorry about that, Ren. I know you’re struggling right now, what with Hadrion and Raimie…”
Ren squeezed my arm until I looked at her.
“I’ll be fine, given time,” she said. “What about you? Will you be ok?”
“I… don’t know,” I said. “It’s one reason why I have to go.”
Releasing a sigh, Ren tugged me away from my task, wrapping me in her arms once I’d faced her. I struggled to accept the comfort she was offering me—I was supposed to take care of her—but gradually, I relaxed into her embrace, holding her for a while.
When she eventually pulled away, it hurt, but I didn’t let that show, merely rubbing my arm. I only realized how awkward that must look when Ren let a faint smile show through the exhausted mask she’d been wearing lately.
As I turned back to my task, she said, “I’ll look after Eliade and Dury while you’re gone, so don’t worry about them. You’re always looking out for us, never thinking about yourself, so please. Take as much time as you need with this, Ky.”
Pursing my lips, I tightened one last strap on the saddle with a jerk.
“Don’t let Dury know that I’ve gone until he asks for me,” I said, deliberately ignoring what Ren had said. “He might send people after me once he realizes what I’ve done, and I don’t want to cause more trouble than I already have to with this.”
One last act of rebellion. A choice I was making solely for myself. Something I desperately needed right now.
“All right,” Ren said.
When I swung up into the saddle, she patted my thigh, staring up at me with the ghost of a smile.
“I’d tell you to be safe, but we both know you don’t need that reminder,” she said.
“I never do,” I replied, forcing out a genuine smile.
Or as close to a genuine one as I could get right now, at least.
“See you soon, Ren.”
She patted my thigh once more before stepping back, and I nudged the horse into a walk. I didn’t think about where I was going or what I’d be doing until I was through Tiro’s gate and far into the surrounding woods. Sure, the goal of this jaunt was to get my head on straight and figure out what I—and I alone—wanted to do about the conundrum that had landed in my lap this winter, but I didn’t want to spend the time idly riding down roads and camping out at night. Much as I needed to be alone with my thoughts, I also couldn’t be fully alone with them.
So, what task could occupy me while I was working on my personal goals?
I didn’t find an answer to that question until I was out of the Cerrin Forest, near where I’d entered it not long ago. The memory that had once ushered me under the trees’ canopy came back to mind as I greeted a clear sky, and I huffed out a laugh.
“Ivelais,” I said under my breath.
The only other secret I’d kept from Tanwadur. The act of rebellion he’d never found out about. It seemed fitting that I revisit that portion of my life while openly defying my father for the first time.
Besides, what had I been considering the last time I’d thought about Ivelais? How they’d react to the news of their friend’s death?
That was a good goal. I’d find Ivelais, tell them what had happened to Hadrion, and see how they responded. I’d find out if my brother had been right about the Kiraak, whether they were still somewhat human or not. Maybe that could help inform me on my decision about Raimie as well.
I’d have to head for Nephiron first. That had been Ivelais’ intended destination once the impending danger of discovery had forced them out of my life, and wouldn’t that be interesting? From what I’d heard, the port city was under another realm’s control right now.
What would that be like? Besides Tiro, I’d never been in a city that Doldimar didn’t rule.
“Something to look forward to,” I said.
With a destination in mind, I turned my horse’s head to the west and started that way.
Chapter 53: While on the Way Part One
Eledis
When I’d learned about the order to leave Tiro, I’d been irate. Why hadn’t Raimie consulted with me about this beforehand?
And when I’d figured out where we were headed, I’d been confused. Time and again, Raimie had proven he had a decent tactical mind. He couldn’t believe that we should attack such a well-defended target now.
But when the soldiers had obeyed the order without question, gathering up the belongings that they’d so recently unpacked after their return from the Birthing Grounds, that had been when I’d become concerned.
Nearly a week had passed since we’d begun this march, and no one had come looking for me or checked if I’d joined them. I’d begun to think I would need to track Raimie down when a messenger brought me a summons to the cramped tent that the kid had made his own.
“Everyone should already be here,” the messenger said as we approached it. “I’ll find the king and let him know you’re ready. He’ll be with you shortly.”
As he took off, I frowned at his back, unnerved by both the reverence with which he'd spoken Raimie's assumed title and the borderline disrespect with which he'd treated me. Things truly were not going to plan right now, and I didn't like that.
With a headshake, I ducked into the tent, and my stomach dropped at the collection of familiar faces that turned toward me.
Queen Kaedesa frowned at me from her corner, separate from the others, but then, she’d always liked keeping her distance from men of war. I bowed to her, which she acknowledged with the barest of nods.
At my entrance, Marcuset had gone a little pale, and judging from his fish-face, I’d say he’d come to the same conclusion as me. Beside him was-
“Gistrick!” I said, all smiles. “How long has it been?”
“Two months and three weeks,” Gistrick grumbled. “Eleven weeks I’ve been trapped in that damn fortress, doing administrative work to stave off boredom. I’m almost glad for this fool’s quest, if it means I can return to what I do best.”
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “You mean serving a king that Rhylix practically forced you to swear loyalty to, a man who may or may not be crazy?”
As I finished speaking, Gistrick nervously chuckled, flicking his eyes away from me. Good. He should be questioning his loyalty.
“Eledis!” Marcuset hissed, beckoning to get my attention.
When he jerked his head toward a corner opposite Kaedesa, I joined him and Gistrick there, glancing at the queen as I did. Rolling her eyes, she turned her back on us.
“What?” I snapped once our circle had closed.
Swallowing hard, Marcuset said, “Surely you’ve noticed-”
“Who Raimie has gathered here? Yes. What of it?” I whispered. “I don’t see Aramar among us. He’d be here if we had anything to truly fear.”
With a frown, Marcuset said, “Aramar’s been banished. Didn’t you hear?”
The idea of this had his face tightening.
“How could Raimie abandon his father to Doldimar’s domain, especially with how difficult walking is for him?”
Shaking his head, Gistrick said, “Aramar caught up with me before this march started. We needed to confirm a few things before he went traipsing into the unknown, and when we talked, he didn’t have that damn piece of tech on him.”
“He didn’t?” I said.
I found that hard to believe because-
“Without that piece of tech, he can’t move. How did he come to see you, then?”
“He… he’s not paralyzed anymore,” Gistrick said. “Someone fixed him, if you know what I mean.”
I did. Alouin… the implications of that could be devastating.
“I don’t care if Raimie found an Ele primeancer to take on Aramar’s paralysis before sending him into the cold!” Marcuset said with his mouth twisting. “He still banished his father, and those two were close. Why would he do that?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, but you two won’t shut up long enough for me to get it out!” Gistrick hissed. “When Aramar visited me, he left us a warning. Nylion’s back. Raimie remembers everything.”
As my thoughts skittered to a stop, I knew my mouth had dropped open, which was embarrassing. I wished I could close it but…
Fuck! The spell containing the aberration in Raimie’s head was supposed to last for decades. DECADES. As in more than the one it had managed.
After she’d cast that spell, we’d complied with the suggestions of the Eselan witch who’d placed it. We’d isolated Raimie from locations that might trigger a memory, minimized the stress he daily dealt with, avoided arguments with him when possible…
But those things had happened frequently since we’d left home. No wonder the spell had broken!
Hell. What were we supposed to do now? The Eselan witch had died a few years ago, and I didn’t know of another Eselan who’d inherited her ability to manipulate the mind.
Of more relevance, however, was that I knew absolutely no Esela in Auden, besides the Zrelnach we’d brought with us. Apparently, one of Doldimar’s obsessions had included eradicating that race, and within Auden’s borders, he’d been quite thorough with it. All of which meant that no one could replicate the spell that had, for years, kept Nylion in check.
“He’s brought us on this march to kill us,” Gistrick whispered. “That’s what Aramar was trying to tell me last week.”
Nodding with wild eyes, Marcuset said, “Except for Aramar, everyone involved with… that is in this tent, at least of those close to Raimie at the time.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I don’t know why you’re panicking, Marcuset,” I said. “You and Kaedesa should be safe, at least compared to Gistrick and me. You never approved of our decision to remove Nylion, and at the time, both of you were too embroiled in running a foreign nation to help with a family matter.”
That made my friend bristle.
“You know why we infiltrated Ada’ir’s ruling caste!” Marcuset hissed, keeping his voice down with difficulty. “We were hoping to raise an army in case the foretelling failed!”
“Stop it, you two! We should be focusing on more important issues,” Gistrick said, glaring at me and Marcuset. “How are we going to kill an angry primeancer before he does the same to us?”
“Kill?!” Marcuset yelped while I said, “With the element of surprise, of course.”
We fell silent, eyeing each other.
With a hoarse voice, Marcuset eventually said, “How can either of you even think of killing Raimie? He’s like the son none of us truly had.”
Exchanging a glance, Gistrick and I chuckled.
“Sure, I was fond of Raimie when he was my student,” Gistrick said, “but now? I’m not so sure. He’s… changed, nothing like the pliant boy I knew.”
“And I think you’re projecting, Emir,” I said, just to goad him.
Which worked.
Going stiff, Marcuset shouted, “Don’t call me that!”
As the ring of his shout faded, the tent flap at our side lifted.
“-sure someone in the Hand is on Rhy at all times, Oswin,” Raimie said. “I don’t trust him to stay put, despite his promise. Or to care that running off on his own like that would make him a hypocrite.”
Neither the people around me nor I moved as the boy came to a stop, taking in the tent’s occupants with a faint smile.
“Good! You’re all here.”
Folding cross-legged in the dirt, Raimie rested his hands in his lap while Oswin stood at attention behind him.
While worriedly scanning the kid, I noted that he looked… worn. Ever since returning from the Birthing Grounds, he’d been almost frenzied in his activities, more so than usual.
Speaking of which. Raimie had certainly chosen a good time to leave Tiro. With the mess he’d brought home with him—with Hadrion’s death—we’d needed to leave the hidden city before Tanwadur worked himself into a fury that would have seen everyone from Ada’ir forcibly removed.
Given Raimie’s state, perhaps the rumors about his involvement in Hadrion’s death were true. Perhaps that was why he’d looked so haunted in recent weeks. Had Nylion somehow caused the other kid’s death?
Somehow, I contained my shudder at the idea.
Perhaps something else was troubling the kid, though. I hadn’t seen him with Ren lately, which had been both a blessing and curse. Because of it, rumors of Eselan love magic had stopped swirling around the kid, and while that was helpful right now—Raimie would need all the support he could get when this ‘march’ of his inevitably failed—it would also impede my goals. I was walking a fine line between making sure Raimie was popular enough to stay alive but not enough to become king.
If Raimie and Ren had fallen into a rough patch, I had to wonder if it was permanent. Given the kid’s recent betrothal, I’d think that was so, but you never knew. Enough ‘kings’ had kept a mistress on the side in the past. I could see that happening here.
But out of all the possibilities, it was most likely that Raimie was stressed because of what he’d learned from Nylion.
“Please, sit,” the kid said, waving a hand in front of him.
All three of us men reluctantly joined him on the floor. Even Kaedesa left her corner to come closer.
When he saw her, Raimie was on his feet almost immediately, which had me flinching at the sudden movement.
“Oh, Your Majesty!” he said. “I didn’t think to provide you with the barest of comforts. My apologies.”
Snorting, Kaedesa said, “A little dirt has never hurt anyone, Raimie. And if you refuse to use my name, then at least get my title right. When it comes to you now, I’m ‘betrothed’, not Your Majesty’.”
Nervously chuckling, Raimie slumped to the ground.
“Of course. How silly of me. I apologize once more.”
Somehow, the kid had managed to sidestep publicly naming them as engaged. If I wasn’t so nervous, I might have been proud of him.
“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve asked for you when we’re weeks away from our destination,” Raimie said.
He had no idea, but no one was brave enough to put forth a speculation.
“Truth is, I’ll be ridiculously busy in the coming weeks with preparations and—”
He slid his eyes above our heads.
“—personal projects. I wanted to share the plan for Elisk with you while I have the time.”
So… he wasn’t planning on killing us?
“You have a plan?” Marcuset asked with a laugh. “Does it involve anything besides us dying in front of Elisk’s gates?”
Before Raimie could reply, I said, “Yes, I’m curious why we’re doing this instead of consolidating our power base, grandson. You’d have us go for the grand prize when we’re nowhere near ready for it.”
“I know,” Raimie said with an honest nod. “I’d much rather wait a few months before doing this, absorbing more towns and resources into our growing sphere of influence, but outside factors have accelerated my original timetable significantly.”
Glancing to the side, he made a face.
“What outside factors?” Gistrick asked, clearly annoyed.
With his face going even sourer, Raimie said. “Can’t tell you. They involve secrets that aren’t mine to share.”
Scoffing, Gistrick crossed his arms.
“Well, that’s bull,” he said. “You’ve never failed to tell us your plans in the past, even when you knew we might not approve of them. Hell, you told us you were a primeancer for Alouin’s sake, which is something you most definitely should have kept to yourself!”
“Why?” Raimie asked, cocking his head.
“Because- well-” Gistrick sputtered. “Because primeancy is evil! You took a huge risk when sharing your secret. You’re lucky your people are so loyal, otherwise you’d be short a couple thousand soldiers by now. I know that I seriously considered leaving after I learned about it.”
I could not laugh right now. Gistrick’s current indignation was a total reversal from the stance he’d held when Raimie was a child, back when the kid could dance circles around him while using Ele. At the time, the Zrelnach commander had seen primeancy as an asset that his student should exploit to the fullest.
Look at him now.
“And that hatred and mistrust is why I waited to share the truth until it was dragged out of me,” Raimie said. “I didn’t magically gain mastery over Ele and Daevetch in the hours before the beach battle. I’d practiced in secret while hiding my powers for months before then, albeit not very well at times. I do occasionally keep things to myself—I promise you—and as I said before, I can’t share the secret in this case because it’s not mine. Don’t bother asking whose it is either. You’ll only end up frustrated.”
“Fine,” I drawled. “You want us to assault the capital of Doldimar’s domain long before we’re ready for it because of unknown factors that you won’t share. What’s the plan?”
With an abashed grin, Raimie shrugged.
“I don’t know!” he said. “You’re the ones who’ve analyzed this problem over the last few weeks. I’m sure that during that time, you’ve devised a few viable battle plans. Pick the one with the least projected casualties and enact it. The assault’s only serving as a distraction anyway.”
“For what?” Marcuset asked.
Making a face, Raimie said, “I plan to fulfill the damn foretelling. I’ll kill Doldimar and ‘return our land to peace and prosperity’.”
Finished, he wiggled his fingers in the air.
“That’s it?” I asked. “That’s your plan?”
“Mmhmm. Hope you like it because it won’t change,” Raimie said.
With a tired groan, he stood and brushed dirt off of his uniform.
“Discuss amongst yourselves, if you like. I have other tasks on my agenda tonight.”
He turned to the only woman in our midst.
“Kaedesa, would you be so kind as to join me? We should discuss how badly you want to commit Ada’ir to my beleaguered cause, now that you know the full situation.”
Springing to her feet with a twinkle in her eyes, Kaedesa said, “I’d love to walk with you. I’d also love it if you regaled me with this foretelling you were talking about. I remember you mentioning it in Daira, but… where did you find a seer? They’re so rare!”
“I’m sure we’ll discuss many things this evening,” Raimie said. “After you.”
Extending a hand toward the tent flap, he bowed, and the queen of Ada’ir skipped outside, followed by Oswin. Once the flap had closed behind them, Raimie woodenly rose from his bow with a change sweeping over him. His posture shifted, and a deceivingly relaxed stance took hold of his body, solely betrayed by the tension in the shoulders. He faced us and such hatred! I flinched from the loathing I saw in those dilated eyes.
“Nylion,” I breathed.
Ignoring my exclamation, Nylion raked his gaze over us.
“You should know that the only reason you are still here is because of your high stance among the soldiers,” he said. “Getting rid of you now would leave such a sizable power vacuum in the army that it might collapse on itself. Your tenuous roles and Raimie’s attachment to the idea of delivering justice—”
He rolled his eyes as he said that word.
“—are the only things staying my hand. No matter how vexing I have found it to this point, I will continue with letting Raimie decide your fates because he has always been the nobler one of us. Do. not. make me regret it.”
He’d punctuated his last words with finger jabs, capturing each of us with his glare. Then, he turned on his heels, jogging to catch up with Kaedesa and Oswin.
“Shit,” Marcuset muttered.
Shit indeed. I’d hoped that Aramar had been wrong with his warning, that we wouldn’t need to contend with the Nylion problem in addition to everything else.
“At least he didn’t outright attack or scream at us. That’s… different,” Marcuset soon continued, “but still. What do we do now?”
“I thought that was obvious,” I said. “We’ll play the faithful vassals for now. It’s all we can do until another option presents itself.”
“Even if that means following Raimie’s reckless plan?” Gistrick asked.
“To be fair, his plans have worked in the past, no matter how reckless they’ve seemed,” Marcuset said. “Look how far he’s led us!”
“So, maybe his strategy for Elisk will work as well,” I said, “but if the battle goes poorly, I’m sure Raimie won’t blame us for retreating if it will save lives. We have an out.”
“Shit!” Marcuset said again, clutching at his head. “How did things end up this way?”
We sat in uncomfortable silence until Gistrick cleared his throat.
“If it helps, I have an idea for solving this problem,” he slowly said. “It might involve doing some morally ambiguous things, though, and I'd need to leave camp for a few days while we march. You two might need to cover for me, if Raimie asks where I've gone.”
He had an idea? That was new. Usually, Gistrick liked following someone else’s lead, which was why I’d found Ferin’s death so unfortunate at the time. It had put a foot soldier into a commander’s position.
“Whatever it is, I think we can stomach it,” I said. “Anything to get us out of this mess.”
Marcuset hesitated, but it didn’t take him long to reluctantly nod.
“It can’t be something that will kill him, though,” he insisted before hugging himself.
“Of course not,” I said, looking over my friend’s head at the Zrelnach commander. “We’d never want to do that.”
When Gistrick inclined his head, I pulled my lips into something between a grimace and a grin. At least one of my companions understood how awful this mess might get by the end.
“All right, my friends!”
I slapped my knees.
“Let’s play the dutiful soldiers and pray that Elisk isn’t as well defended as we’ve been told.”
Chapter 54: While on the Way Part Two
Raimie
I didn’t want to catch up with Kaedesa right now. I’d much rather head into the wilds, where I could get started with the only thing that had helped me find sleep for the last week. It would even be nice simply to continue trailing behind her and Oswin, watching her chat with him in a carefree manner while he stiffly replied.
But at the moment, the queen was my people’s most powerful ally. I needed to make sure my relationship with her stayed as stable as possible, for their sake, and when it came to this, I couldn’t let myself feel any emotion. I must shut out the parts of me that screamed for Ren, Ren, REN! The only safe woman I’d known.
So, I reached Kaedesa’s side, ignoring Oswin’s quietly relieved sigh, and I smiled, no matter how fake that expression had felt on me in recent days.
“Have you given up on us yet?” I asked.
Fortunately—or unfortunately, given your perspective—Kaedesa only laughed at that.
“I think things aren’t nearly as grim as you or your commanders believe,” she said. “Yes, we may be an attacking force with significantly fewer numbers than our enemy, but Ada’ir isn’t known as the military superpower of our world without reason, Raimie. Plus, you have the Zrelnach among your people, and you’ve gotten those notoriously secretive warriors to teach the rank and file their renowned fighting techniques. That’s not to say that your fears about this coming battle are unwarranted, of course. Just… try to look at your advantages too.”
I understood what she was saying. Truly, I did.
But I also looked at the ‘advantages’ she’d named and saw how they could ruin us as well. As we walked through the army’s encampment, no one among those three mentioned factions mingled with any of the others. Ada’ir’s loyalists camped on one side while my people had taken up another section, and solely because they were Eselan, the Zrelnach had been shunned by the other two groups, if only to a degree.
We might have been marching together for a week—one long week since I’d accepted Kaedesa’s proposal and she’d announced that my ‘traitors’ had been an engagement gift for me all along—but lines were still drawn in the sand. I didn’t see how those divisions could be healed in the short time left before the battle, but I most certainly saw how they could cause problems once the fight had begun.
Even with that, I only said, “I see your point.”
Kaedesa laughed under her breath, but since she provided no explanation for that, I wasn’t sure what she’d found so amusing.
Eventually, I continued with, “So, you’re sure about helping with the battle?”
Stopping short, Kaedesa lifted her eyes to the heavens.
“Yes, Raimie. I have made my decision and let it be widely known,” she said. “I can’t take it back, no matter how much Pierdriel and you seem to want me to.”
Thank Alouin that man hadn’t joined us on this march, staying in Tiro instead. The one time we’d met had been more than enough for me.
“Since you’re so sure, I won’t ask you about it again,” I said. “My apologies if my insistence about it has bothered you.”
Chuckling, Kaedesa said, “It hasn’t. Trust me.”
She reached up to pat my cheek and-
“You’re such a good boy,” Auntie Kaedesa says while brushing my cheek. “I don’t know if I should let your father have his way. No one as sweet as you should become a trained killer.”
Frowning, I grab Auntie’s wrist when she draws away.
“You’re supposed to be telling me a bedtime story, not worrying,” I say. “So, tell me a story!”
She laughs before sitting beside me on the bed, throwing an arm around my shoulders as she draws a book onto her lap.
“That’s true,” she says. “So. Where did we last stop the story?”
I point at the bookmark, sticking above the top of a page and-
“So. Tell me about those foretellings you mentioned,” Auntie… no. Just Kaedesa said.
Blinking, I struggled to orient myself to the plains and people and campfires around me. I couldn’t focus on returning memories or Nylion’s pale face at the corner of my vision or anything but what was happening right now. I turned to… a woman who’d apparently told me bedtime stories when I was a child. And I was supposed to marry-?
Clenching my fingernails into my palm, I barely kept from vomiting, taking deep breaths until I could speak.
“You’ve never heard of the foretellings that shroud Shadowsteal in myth?” I said as mildly as I could.
Laughing, Kaedesa said, “I may have, but if so, they’d be written down somewhere, not stored in here.”
Tapping on her temple, she ruefully grinned.
“Why don’t you remind me about them?”
I’d rather not.
Still, I said, “Well, there are several of them, but only one is relevant to our current endeavor. It goes: Leaving chaos and order in his wake, Shadowsteal’s rightful bearer shall destroy destructions epitome, returning our land to peace and prosperity.”
“I see,” Kaedesa said.
Frowning, she tapped on her lips.
“Rather vague, isn’t it?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“Yes, it is. They all are,” I said. “As for your question about the seer from earlier, I’m not sure who they were. These foretellings were made quite a while ago, so the person who foresaw them is probably long dead by now.”
Making a face, Kaedesa said, “That’s unfortunate. A seer would be helpful right now.”
“I’d certainly like to know the outcome of this battle before it begins,” I said, “but then, that would take away the intrigue and mystery around what will happen, even if it would also remove the fear. I’m not sure if the tradeoff would be worth it.”
“Or maybe it wouldn’t make things clear, given how vague the one you shared is.”
When Kaedesa glanced at me suggestively, I smirked.
“Fair enough.”
We walked for a little while longer before I deemed that I’d spent enough time on maintaining this increasingly difficult part of my life.
“Would you like me to accompany you further?” I asked. “Because if not, I have a lot to do before I can rest tonight.”
“Oh. Of course!” Kaedesa said. “Forgive me. I get lost in my thoughts more than I should. Please, take care of whatever business you might have. We can speak more tomorrow.”
Bowing to her, I said, ‘Thank you, Your Majesty. And good night.”
Even as her lips puckered—I kept forgetting I wasn’t supposed to call her that anymore—she made her own farewell, and I was released. Almost immediately, I headed for the edge of camp, ignoring Oswin when he clicked his tongue behind me. He hadn’t enjoyed the new activity I’d found myself needing.
Instead of commenting on that, I said, “Any updates for me?”
“No, sir. Things have still been quiet,” Oswin said. “We’ve seen no sign of an enemy army, coming to meet us, and the villages between us and Elisk are few and far between. I’m not sure what’s going through Doldimar’s head, but he hasn’t seen fit to head off our attack.”
“Maybe he’s drawn his people back to a more defensible position.”
Even as I finished saying that, Dim snickered into their hand, and I knew they were right. What living being, aligned with Daevetch, would wait to indulge in something as violent as a battle?
Shrugging, Oswin said, “Who can say?”
For a moment, he paused but then forged into an awkward subject, as he’d frequently had to do in the last week.
“Sir? How far out are we going tonight?”
Damn. I’d known he’d ask me that question soon but still.
“Not too far,” I said. “I wasn’t lying when I told Kaedesa I have a lot on my plate. Some of that includes sleep, at some point, but first, I need to… wear myself out.”
Or that was the excuse I’d been giving him for the last week at least.
“All right,” Oswin said. “And you’ll stay within range of my pistol, in case something unpleasant comes along?”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “I promise to let you continue with being a good bodyguard, Oswin. I know how important you apparently find it.”
At the far edge of my vision, Nylion whispered, “It is because he cares.”
Which I knew. I wasn’t sorry for my sarcasm, though. I couldn’t be sorry for anything right now.
Once the encampment had fallen behind us—still clearly visible but with enough space between us and it—I stopped, mentally tracking the outline of a circle in the plains around us.
“I won’t go farther than the rise of that hill, over there,” I told Oswin, pointing.
He nodded, drawing his pistol and getting as comfortable as he could while still staying on guard.
I pushed away my awareness of him, of practical problems, and of everything that kept me tethered on this plane of existence. Slowly, I fell away from the outside world, holding to it the bare minimum I needed to keep my body moving, and when I could, I reached out for Nylion.
His presence brushed against mine, and I flinched. Over the last week, something had been building in him, something… almost resentful. I wasn’t sure if that assessment was right, hadn’t seen fit to ask him about it yet, but whatever the sensation was, it was causing problems, more than those we were already dealing with. I felt the distance he wanted from me and wanted to cry, which he then felt and wanted to comfort me, but it also made him need more distance. I wasn’t sure how to break free of that vicious cycle, but I did know how to deal with the other part of my internal landscape that had been wrecking me lately.
Together, Nylion and I faced the tide of memories that we’d held off throughout the day. As they came rushing toward us, I dragged Ele to me, and I ran and ran and ran and ran and-
Chapter 55: A Sane Day
Doldimar
Waking to the horror of my life, screaming alongside my mind with my throat a blazing inferno and-
Do as you’re told, Arivor, and I’ll make your bad dreams and memories go away again.
Give in, and I become HIM, but I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take it, can’t take, can’t-
…Ok
-57th Cycle. One year, nine months, and eighteen days since domination of host’s mind
Tap, tap, tap, tap. The sound bounced around me, taking up all of my thoughts.
Which made it difficult to focus on the inane worries of the man in front of me.
“-simple enough to overwhelm their defenses, Your Greatness. As far as we’re aware, they have a single, rogue Daevetch primeancer at their disposal. While he was enough to wrest the Birthing Grounds from our control, he alone can’t stand against the Enforcers’ full might.”
The black-eyed man seemed finished, which would be wonderful, but swallowing hard, he made himself continue.
“It would be especially easy to retake the pit if you joined us, Your Greatness.”
Tap, tap, tap.
Where was that annoying sound coming from?
Looking down toward it—oh—I forced myself to stop jiggling my foot.
“Why would we want to retake the Birthing Grounds?” I asked, refocusing on…
What was this one’s name again?
When the weakling’s mouth fell open, I considered blasting a Daevetch bolt through that gaping hole and out the back of his skull. I could already envision the gorgeous blood splatter it would make on the far wall…
Off to the side, Corruption shook its head, and I made a face. The Enforcer must have thought my look of displeasure had been directed at him because he started babbling excuses at me. Sighing, I reached for the Daevetch bundle that was latched into thousands of points in the man’s body.
“Hush,” I said, squeezing at his Vice. “You’ve bored me for long enough today.”
While the Enforcer worked his jaw against the will that was keeping it closed, his face gradually turned bright red, which was interesting. I hadn’t seen that shade painted on someone in a while.
“I understand your concerns about how I’ve handled the rebel force that’s recently arrived on our shores,” I drawled, fiddling with the Enforcer’s Vice, “but none of you know the full scope of what’s coming for us.
“I do. In the past, I’ve fought E directly, like you want to do, and that method has never, never, never worked. I’m trying a subtler approach this time. The change in methodology may mean that many of you peons will die in the process of his defeat, but in the end, I will eliminate the threat, and those of you left standing can return to whatever it is you do when you’re not serving me. Now…”
Coming up blank, I paused. Really, I should try to remember some of these weaklings’ names.
“You. I want you to inform your fellow Enforcers that they’re to do nothing without orders from me. If I find out that any of you have disobeyed me, then so help me. I will come down from my tower and eliminate you all. You’re not terribly hard to replace. Are your orders clear?”
When I released my hold on the Enforcer’s Vice, only the enormous strength of will that had risen him to his rank kept him from falling to the floor.
“Yes, Your Greatness,” he stammered through a shuddering jaw.
“Good,” I said. “Now, get out!”
After stumbling into the shadows, the Enforcer vanished, and I stretched with a yawn. With that little inconvenience over with, I had no more meeting left for today. Maybe I’d have time to visit…
No. Couldn’t think about that now.
So instead: maybe I could do something for myself before the day was over.
“Was that heavy-handed enough?” Corruption sarcastically said.
Rolling my eyes, I said, “I know you’ve existed since the dawn of time, Corruption, but even with your long existence, you have no idea how mortals work, do you?”
On returning to the project behind me, I folded my hands behind my back, running my eyes over troop distribution throughout this pathetic kingdom.
“The Enforcers have access to vast power, so much of it that they feel invincible,” I continued. “At times, they need me to slap them down, reminding them of who gave them their power and who could, in the blink of an eye, crush them like the bugs they are.”
“You could just as easily have bribed that Enforcer with more land or access to the human population,” Corruption said. “That might have kept him in line.”
“Yes, but that solution would fix only one symptom, not the underlying problem,” I said. “How like a Corruption splinter to jump straight to a bribe. Maybe if you were of aspect Manipulation or Coercion, you could understand, but you’re not, are you? I suppose that in this, you’ll simply have to trust your Champion. I have been doing this quite a while for you lot. Now, be quiet. I’m working on logistics for the next phase.”
Behind me, Corruption quietly hissed before spitting.
“I hate your sane days.”
Which only made me smile. Of course the splinter preferred times when the chaos of my mind consumed me. I was easier to handle when Corruption seemed like the only real and stable fixture in my life, but ‘sane days’, as the splinter had called them, were necessary if Daevetch wanted to have any chance at victory in my games with our dear protagonist, E. Thus, the force of nature’s reluctant concession of them, so long as I fed it misery and death.
As for me, a clear head was certainly preferable to the alternative, but my greatest pleasure on these most wondrous of days came from watching Corruption sulk.
I really hated that little shithead, in case it hadn’t been obvious.
When my next interruption came along, I felt it approaching long before it reached my chambers. As it came closer, I flung the doors open with a touch of Daevetch. Beckoning the two weaklings on the other side toward me, I never stopped staring at the spread of pins in front of my face.
“Forgive me, Your Greatness,” a Kiraak said, bowing low. “This one insisted on speaking with you personally. They killed several of my squad in a quite… distinctive way before we decided to disturb you.”
When I cast a cold glance over my shoulder, my stomach flip-flopped, and I turned, allowing a little showmanship to peek through my natural inclinations. Of the two people behind me, the Kiraak seemed suitably awed and cowed, but I couldn’t read the stranger she’d been escorting. The figure was fully draped in cloth: white strips that even concealed their face.
“Dark Lord,” a venomous voice spat from within that cocoon.
Male, then. At least I had a probable gender.
Flicking my fingers at the Kiraak, I said, “Thank you, worm. You may go.”
“But Your Greatness! The danger-”
A cough cut off her protest. Damn but the Vice had been an exceptionally useful tool today.
Forcing the woman’s legs to carry her out of the room, I slammed its doors closed. I appreciated that the weaklings were compelled to protect me, but in this case, when I could clearly protect myself, the directive could become… trying.
“Now then,” I said. “What are you?”
Stepping into the shadows, I let them embrace me, tugging me along until I reached my destination, and only then did I climb back into firelight. I stepped into my chambers behind the stranger, and it took him at least a couple of seconds to register my change in position. Not a primeancer, then, but the stranger did have good reflexes.
“The disgust in your voice tells me you’re not a fan,” I said. “Assassin, then? No one’s tried to kill me in ages.”
Spinning in place, the stranger took a step back, but if my intimidation tactic had worked on him, I couldn’t tell, all due to that all-encompassing mask. Fascinating.
“Doesn’t matter what or who I am,” the stranger said, “only what I can do for you.”
“And what’s that?” I asked.
When I once more stepped into the stranger’s comfort zone, he didn’t retreat, drawing himself upright instead.
“A rebel group has recently been plaguing you, more than the typical ones do at least. Correct?” he asked. “I can get you inside information about their plans.”
Oh… yes.
“I knew it!” I said, excitedly clapping. “You have E’s stench all over you. How is he?”
“I- I don’t know an… E.”
Even if I couldn’t see the frown surely contorting the stranger’s face, I could hear the confusion in his voice.
“Right. He’ll have taken a new name,” I said. “That other friend of his—the tormented, little spy—mentioned a… Rhylix, was it?”
I cocked my head.
“The kid also said this Rhylix was dead, which is an interesting tactic, but I guess it doesn’t matter. If I learn more about the rebels, I’m sure I could figure out E’s new identity.”
Not that I’d need this stranger’s help to infiltrate the rag-tag group. Still.
“None of that matters right now. What concerns me is you.”
In the blink of an eye, I’d drawn Lighteater from its scabbard. As it flashed in the light, a line of red leaked from a new cut on the stranger’s arm, and shooting a black needle into the break in his skin, I sent it to the base of the mush in his head.
My attack was over in a mere two seconds, but nonetheless, the stranger unsheathed his sword, retreating to give himself more room.
“Oh, stop,” I said. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Yet.
“I was only getting a Daevetch slip into your head.”
If anything, my reassurance further stiffened the stranger, and I waved at him to calm down. Why did people always freak out when I did this sort of thing?
“I’ll take it back once we’re finished here,” I said. “I find that having Corruption in a person’s system makes them more… honest.”
The stranger snorted as he stiffly sheathed his blade.
“That’s rich, coming from you,” he said.
“Yes, well. Truth has its place,” I said, smiling at Corruption’s bristled shoulders. “So, who are you? And what on earth are you wearing?”
“This?”
The stranger pointed at his head.
“It’s an affectation from the place where I’ve been staying. A rather handy disguise, yes?”
Hmm. Did that mean the man wasn’t from Auden? Was he part of the invading force, then?
“I’m assuming that means you won’t tell me your name,” I said.
Even if the stranger refused to answer me verbally, the tilt of his head screamed his incredulity for him.
“How do I know you’ll provide me with useful information if you won’t even give me your name?” I said.
This was getting frustrating. I liked a good mystery and all—who didn’t?—but not when solving it would keep me from distinctly more important things on one of my few sane days.
“I can prove my value in other ways,” the stranger said. “Like this: the rebel’s leader is a man named Raimie, a descendant of the lost Audish royal line, all of which I’m sure you already know.”
Nodding, I quickly moved into another form of distraction, now that the stranger’s hidden identity no longer entertained me. Distractedly, I considered how best to dissect this man before his dismemberment would have him singing the unique notes of death. I’d start with that concealed face.
“I’m sure you’re also aware that he’s a primeancer,” the stranger continued, “but did you know he can use both sides of that unnatural magic?
Unnatural magic? Hello? Did this stranger realize he was speaking to someone who used that ‘unnatural magic’? Gods, what an idiot.
Wait…
“He controls Ele and Daevetch?” I said, barely restraining a squeak.
That would have been embarrassing, given the role I must play.
“How else could his army have taken the Birthing Grounds so easily?” the stranger asked. “He’s the one who snuck into the crater and built a staircase for his soldiers.”
That was an interesting bit of news. I’d assumed an Enforcer had broken free of my control before joining up with the rebels. Escaping like that wasn’t impossible, merely difficult, and I wasn’t sure which situation was more believable: that an Enforcer had gotten powerful enough to break the Vice I held on them or that our protagonist’s ally was a Daevetch primeancer.
“All right, then. Maybe I won’t kill you today,” I said, chuckling when the stranger flinched, “but you must tell me. Why would you serve me like this? You clearly loathe me, and I’d be surprised if you weren’t aligned with the rebels in some way.”
Taking a step forward, the stranger said, “I am. I want to see your kingdom fall, your work destroyed, and everything about you erased from the annals of time.”
Ouch. Harsh.
“I don’t, however, want to see one tyranny replaced with another—”
Those words had come out so muffled that I could picture the stranger’s teeth grinding together.
“—which is what will happen if Raimie’s the one to put you down. The dark energy he wields will eventually drive him mad, as it does for all of your kind, and once that’s done, another reign of terror will begin.”
For a solid five heartbeats, I waited for more words, but it seemed the stranger was finished.
“That’s it?” I asked. “You’d betray the man who’s given you the greatest chance to see me dead in centuries, simply because he’s a primeancer?”
What stupidity was this?
“How you must despise us.”
When the stranger stepped forward, I smiled, hoping he’d attack, but I was destined for disappointment.
“I have personal reasons for this as well,” he said. “I've hurt Raimie in ways he doesn't know about yet. He needs to die before he figures that out and takes his revenge on me, but I can’t be the one to kill him. I need you for that.”
“And in exchange,” I said, “you can provide me with the intel I need to stay ahead of my enemy.”
For once. I hadn’t been looking forward to spying through the shadows again.
“It appears we have a deal.”
While I turned back to my project, I noted the stranger pulling away from me. Ha. He was probably surprised that I’d accepted his proposal. Idiots like him usually went into situations like this hoping that the ‘bad guy’ would kill or hurt them in some way. Attempting something like this was usually a means of appeasing whatever doubts they had about their leader as well, and they never meant to follow through with whatever they’d offered. Once caught in such a bargain, they tended to agonize over whether to fulfill their newly made promise or remain loyal to their leader.
I’d be interested to see whether this one fell into that category or not.
“H… how do I-?” the stranger shakily said.
“Stay in contact with me?” I said. “Go to requisitions. They’ll give you a case of flasks. I’ll summon one of them to me at the end of each month, and once those run out, I’ll have someone deliver more to a suitable location.”
Already finished with the conversation, I moved a blue pin from the map’s corner to the center.
“Oh. You’re an-?”
“Eselan, yes. Didn’t you notice the hair or the eyes? How has no one ever learned learned about that?” I said with a sigh. “Although, I suppose I don’t get out much. And who would suspect that an Eselan would exterminate his own once he came into power?”
Stepping back, I glanced over my finished map with a critical eye. This troop distribution almost looked right. I’d need to shuffle a few more here and there but-
A cough reminded me that a stranger was in the room with me.
“You’re still here?” I said. “Go away! Unless. Is there something else you meant to tell me earlier?”
“Just that…”
The stranger nervously shifted in place for a moment before blurting out.
“Raimie has given the order to march on Elisk. His army’s four days out.”
“Oh. Two days later than expected. I could use the extra time,” I said. “Thank you, whoever you are! Keep in touch.”
When I yanked at the Daevetch in the man’s body, he gasped.
“Alouin damnit,” he muttered before striding out of the room.
I monitored his departure from the palace with something akin to pity. He so obviously hated everything about the ‘Dark Lord’ and his reign, but before long, the miniature Corruption kernel I’d left in his head would inspire nothing but loyalty to me.
A traitor deserved nothing less.
Letter: My Darling 2
My darling,
I’ve safely delivered our beloved Illasaya into the hands of the Audish royal family, and I must admit, my love, that I’m not comfortable with the arrangement. No matter that you’ve foreseen that this marriage will improve our odds in the end, I can’t help the pit of revulsion that afflicts me when I think of her with the nation’s crown prince.
The stupid boy failed to greet her when we arrived! Eventually, I had to introduce the two of them, an embarrassment for all involved. I realize customs about women are different in Auden when compared to Lyzencroft but really. The insult was almost too much to bear.
As you may have noticed, the prince’s accidental slight may have once more soured me against the man we must pin our hopes on. I’ll concede that he’s started to learn respect, taking his role somewhat seriously now, but he’s still a self-centered brat.
Maybe I’m missing whatever it is you’ve foreseen in him. Maybe our princess will change him for the better. I certainly hope it’s so.
In the meantime, what can you tell me about home? By the time this letter reaches you, I’ll probably be back (and again, I must remind you that communication like this would be much simpler if you used your summoning magic), but I must know. What have our scouts been saying about the disturbances on the Haven’s fringe? Is it him? Are our troubles soon to begin?
After our recent scare with the dissident uprising, I hesitate to place every random uproar at his feet, but I can’t help my fear every time I hear of an Eselan village destroyed or a scouting party lost. Will this anticipation ever come to an end?
I’ll be home soon, my love, and you can tell me everything I’ve missed in person. Until then, I remain faithfully yours.
Chapter 56: Advancing on the Capital
Eledis
You know the old adage, ‘Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth’? Bullshit! Always inspect a gifted horse. You don’t know what awful diseases that mangy beast may be carrying.
-Unknown
Another two weeks of marching across Auden’s southern border passed, and then, there it was. After decades of strife and struggle, I laid my eyes on the city that had haunted my dreams since I was young.
Elisk didn’t look like I’d always pictured it. That was to say, the city itself matched my expectations. How could it not with its soaring walls and eclectic buildings, climbing a hill to the elegant palace at its pinnacle? The glass-like spires stretching above that massive building sparkled through the tears in my eyes.
What came as a surprise, however, was the spread of ramshackle shanty towns outside of the city’s walls. Reports—both from our scouts and Pointer—had briefly mentioned these, but they’d focused more on the city’s defenses than anything found outside. They’d failed to emphasize how widespread those flimsy hovels were. Alouin but they stretched for at least a mile!
Coming up beside me, Raimie asked, “Why are we waiting?”
“Our plan calls for a charge of the wall,” I said, “but we can’t charge through that mess without significant problems. I don’t like that we’ve run into a disruption to the plan before we’ve even begun it.”
Beside Raimie, his new friend, Ryvolim, snickered into his hand.
“I’m not sure why you brought the horses in the first place,” he chirped. “The Kiraak’ll just spook them.”
Frowning, I let a beat of silence carry the weight of my disdain for this man.
“And why didn't you mention this earlier?” I asked.
As Ryvolim leaned closer to me, his ever-present smile disappeared.
“Maybe I wanted to make you look incompetent, Eledis,” he said under his breath before rising with his irritating smile back in place. “Besides, the plan doesn’t need to change. Advance without the horses. You’ll be fine.”
For a moment, I could only stare at this man with my mouth hanging open. Then, I waved in front of us.
“Are we seeing the same battlefield?” I snapped. “Who knows what sort of traps and ambushes could be waiting for us in the chaos of those slums?”
“Doldimar doesn’t work that way.”
As Ryvolim changed his tone of voice, his eyes lost focus, drifting up and over my head.
“He enjoys a pitched battle, full of carnage and death. Picking off individual soldiers isn’t his style.”
“And you know this, how?” I said.
But Ryvolim only showed me a cagey smile. Frustrating man. I’d never understand why Raimie had made friends with him.
Surely the kid would know better than to commit to a charge. We should step back, picking another battle plan from the ones I’d drawn up. Our next best option would involve sending small, suicide squads against the wall as a distraction, something Raimie was guaranteed to disapprove of, but he planned to use the whole of his army in the same way. So, how could he complain?
“No charge,” Raimie said.
And I thanked Alouin for common sense.
“But we do slowly advance without the horses,” he continued. “At the first sign of unexpected resistance, we retreat.”
Was he joking? Please, say he was joking.
“Spread the change in orders,” Raimie told Oswin.
The spymaster signaled the other soldiers around us, and while they took off, Raimie dismounted, followed by Ryvolim.
“Coming?” the kid asked.
Hell, he was going to get us all killed, but could I do anything else to change his mind? Probably not. I also climbed off of my horse, shaking my head at the stupidity of youth.
So it was that our rebel army strolled toward the fight to capture Auden’s heart. Made up of soldiers loyal to Raimie and those from Ada’ir, the army was bound by a tenuous link of betrothal between their two monarchs, and even now, the tension between those two sides was visibly palpable. Given this, I didn’t look forward to the coming battle. Already at a disadvantage in terms of numbers, we didn’t need the complication of an uneasy alliance adding to that tension, especially since Queen Kaedesa had opted to stay on the city’s outskirts with our reinforcements.
When we crossed into the sprawling shanty towns’ outskirts, the army’s pace slowed to a crawl. I quietly hummed to myself as I retrieved a spare handkerchief to secure around my head while the soldiers coughed and gagged.
“Are they trying to kill us with their smell alone?” one of them choked out.
Raimie quickly followed my example while Marcuset pinched his nose. Someone behind us threw up, which seemed a bit excessive, but what did I know?
Only Ryvolim looked unaffected.
“I’ve smelled worse,” he quietly said when glanced at.
I wasn’t sure how to describe it. Unwashed humans mixed with excrement and rotten food? Or maybe the smell was more akin to putrefying corpses. The trash heaped on the corners and sides of the makeshift streets explained some of the odor but the rest? Who could guess?
What I did know was that cities were supposed to stink—that was what happened when thousands of people were crammed into a few square miles—but this was barbaric.
When a shadow peeled away from a shack’s base, flitting across the street in front of us, I jumped. What had that been? Some unknown form of primeancy? One of Doldimar’s soldiers who refused to die?
A… girl?
She slunk into the sunlight, headed our way, and for the first time, I noticed the glittering eyes staring at us from the buildings on either side. The girl stopped well out of reach, which halted the front line, and I wondered if Raimie knew how many gazes drifted his way, waiting for him to take the lead on this.
He took two steps forward, making the girl tremble, before crouching to her eye-level.
“Can I help you?” he asked.
Shifting in place, the girl defiantly lifted her chin.
“Are you here to hurt us?” she asked.
Rocking back, Raimie paused for a moment before gently taking her hand, folding it between his own.
“Why would you think that, sweetheart?” he asked.
“You’re armed and armored, but you’re not Conscripted soldiers or Kiraak,” she said. “We don’t know what you are, so we don’t know the rules. Are we supposed to play run and hide?”
“No! No, sweetie, you’re not…”
Sighing, Raimie hung his head, and as she waited for his response, the girl continually flicked her eyes to her captive hand.
“Then, what are the rules?” she eventually asked.
Looking up at her, Raimie firmly held her gaze with tightened lips.
“I want you and your friends to find somewhere safe, somewhere you can wait for a time,” he said. “Stay out of sight until I return. I don’t want you caught in the fighting. Can you do that for me?”
“So, we are playing run and hide?” the girl said.
“Yes, but this time, no one will hurt you,” Raimie said. “I’ll make sure of it.”
Patting her hand, he rose to his full height, and with a wrinkled brow, the girl stared at him for a moment before darting off. As she did, Raimie turned in a slow circle, and I followed his lead, taking in the grime, the shacks that looked like they’d fall apart with a breath of wind, and the people who were too terrified to leave those deathtraps.
“These people need help, Rhy,” the kid said to his newest friend.
Ryvolim laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Eliminate the danger first, and then, you can help,” he said.
“I know.”
And that? It raised my suspicion again. Raimie didn’t make friends easily, especially not ones he’d feel comfortable sharing his quiet despondency with. In fact, only one man had ever claimed such a bond with the kid but…
It couldn’t be, could it?
I’d already set my misgivings aside once. When they pestered me twice, I knew I should listen to them.
As we moved closer to the city, I said, “Rhylix!”
And Ryvolim, the peppy, distinctly human being in front of me, the one who was the opposite of everything that had defined the reserved Eselan I’d known, half-turned before catching his mistake.
It was enough. Alouin, my eyes might pop out of my head. That Eselan and the kid had pulled off the impossible, fooling me for so long. They’d faked Rhylix’s death.
But that meant…
Hell, how powerful was he? Adopting a human guise was no mean feat, and to maintain it for who knew how long took an exceptional kind of willpower as well as a deep magic reserve.
Slowing down, I let the two younger men pull ahead of me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near someone of such strength, especially when I’d blatantly celebrated his death while in his presence.
As if in response to my fears, Ryvol- no. Rhylix faltered in his stride, cocking his head.
“What? That’s not-” he said under his breath.
Hearing that now perceptibly familiar voice, I shrank. How had I never noticed it?
“What is it?” Raimie asked.
“Not sure yet,” Rhylix said, “but I don’t think that advancing was such a wise decision now.”
“Should we expect a fight soon?” Raimie asked.
In response, Rhylix drew his weapons, but despite his misgivings, we reached Elisk’s outer wall without further incident. What was waiting for us there, though, brought the army to a grinding halt.
The gate we’d been approaching had been flung open, and wind whistled through the empty square beyond, rustling through the ranks of the army that had come to break it down.
Chapter 57: This Is a Trap
Ryvolim
“What is this?” Eledis asked behind me.
Ignoring him, I irritably hummed to myself. The others, old man included, probably saw this open gate as danger, a trap, everything that would send lightning crackling through their bodies. I saw it for what it was: an invitation. Doldimar hadn’t used this tactic in ages and had only ever done so when Arivor still clung to control.
It was a statement, a taunt.
We don’t need these armies, these playthings, in our war. Come and get me if you can, E. Let’s do this, you and I, with none of the bullshit to confuse our true purpose.
The trouble was, I couldn’t feel my old enemy (friend’s) presence in the city, not definitively at least. This close, revulsion and conflict should be irresistibly dragging me down the streets. Instead, it tickled at the edge of my awareness, disappearing like a child playing hide and seek when I latched on.
“Rhy?” Raimie said.
Snapping out of my thoughts, I realized that my hum had risen in volume, almost to the level of a restrained shout.
“Sorry,” I coughed, “it’s just that…”
Turning one way and then the other, I grunted.
“I can’t feel him,” I growled, baring my teeth, “or I can, but not in the way I normally do when we’re this close. It’s like he’s jumping around the city, moving from one side of it to the other in an eyeblink…”
Trailing off, I smacked my forehead.
“He’s shade melding. Of course he is, the bastard. Always compelled to make things interesting.”
“So… what do we do?” Raimie whispered.
But he looked behind him as he finished speaking. He was right to do that, though. The soldiers were getting restless.
“Can you shade meld yet?” I asked. “I’m not well versed in a Daevetch primeancer’s progression.”
“I’ve never thought to try. Can’t you just-?”
Shooting his hand out, Raimie grabbed at the air before jerking it back, and I blankly cocked my head, making my friend huff.
“That thing you did in the forest,” he said. “With Teron.”
“Oh! Right,” I said, chuckling. “I wish I could pull him out of the shadows like that, but I’d need to be near his point of ingress to do it, and I don’t think I’m likely to stumble onto one, do you?”
Making a face, Raimie said, “In that case, I guess I can try to shade meld. Dim can teach me how. When we find Doldimar, I can pull him…”
He paused as if listening.
After a moment, I said, “Well?”
“Dim says that’s an exceptionally stupid idea. If I tried to dive into the ‘atomic level of reality’—”
Raimie scrunched his face up with confusion.
“—I’d lose my way almost immediately. I don’t have the necessary willpower for it yet, apparently.”
Damn.
“I don’t know how to force him out of the shadows, and without a battle to distract him, he’s sure to know that I’m here by now. Soon, I won’t feel his presence anymore,” I said before sheepishly smiling at my friend. “Looks like I dragged you to Elisk for no reason.”
Grinning, Raimie said, “Not true. Are we seeing different pictures here? Gate wide open, lack of resistance, very little Kiraak—if any—in the city? It’s obviously a trap, but even still, I can’t help but think that Doldimar’s handed Elisk to us on a silver platter.”
Oh, gods. Raimie couldn’t know the subtleties and long-term plans that the Champion of Daevetch might have in store. This, the lack of a fight for the city, was much too painless, and I’d never seen it before. My every instinct screamed to retreat. Elisk wouldn’t be worth the price that Doldimar would eventually exact for it.
Throwing my head back, I drank in a wisp-covered blue sky. It was too bad. Today would have made a fantastic final day for this cycle.
“Raimie-” I started.
“What are you two blabbing about up here?” Eledis said while joining us. “Have you come to a decision?”
“About?” Raimie asked.
Rolling his eyes, Eledis said, “Whether we’re taking this city or not.”
“Raimie-” I tried again.
We needed to retreat.
“We’ll move forward,” my friend said. “Spread out, and if anyone encounters unexpected resistance, fall back."
When he looked at Oswin to spread the order, the spy nodded.
Oh, well. Now that Raimie had made his decision, I couldn’t voice my doubts. When in a situation like this, an ordinary man such as me didn’t question the king, no matter that we were friends. I hoped the cost for his choice wasn’t too high.
“Rhy, you and I have somewhere to be,” Raimie said.
Frowning at him, I said, “We do?”
“Sure. I only feel one, concrete Daevetch tangle, up in the city’s center,” Raimie said. “I figure that if Doldimar plans to contest our capture of Elisk, it’ll be there.”
Hearing that, I could kiss the kid. With hope offered to me, I fell upon it, hungrily devouring it whole. Closing my eyes, I breathed in the city’s awful stench and felt the sun on my skin. Perhaps today would be a good one to end the cycle with.
Then, something Raimie had said hit me over the head like a mallet.
“Wait. You can feel Daevetch knots?” I asked. “From this far away?”
Snapping my eyes open, I ran after my friend.
“If I’m looking for them, yes. That’s how I know the Kiraak have abandoned the city, unless they’re in the cluster I’m feeling, of course. In which case, we’re screwed.” Raimie said. “Why? Can’t you feel them?”
“Raimie. I’m the Champion of Ele,” I said. “What do you think?”
“Sorry,” Raimie said, raising his hands. “You seemed surprised, is all.”
“That’s because most primeancers can’t feel primal energy unless it’s in their immediate vicinity.”
Snorting, Raimie shot a smirk at me.
“Yeah, well. You know how much I enjoy breaking the mold, Rhy,” he said. “By the way, should we be talking about any of this right now?”
He glanced over his shoulder at the soldiers tromping in our wake.
“Aren’t you supposed to be a norm right now. Your disguise?”
Half-smiling, I shook my head.
“Oswin knows Ryvolim is Rhylix. Eledis figured it out as we were approaching Elisk. Despite orders to the contrary, Oswin’s most likely told the other members of your Hand, which DOES NOT MAKE ME HAPPY,” I yelled at the spymaster. “And the rest of the soldiers accompanying us are too far back to hear the specifics of our conversation.”
Raimie whipped his head to look behind us.
Tracing a finger between me and the others, he said, “How did you…?”
“The unique patterns of their footfalls,” I said in deadpan.
That joke was a much easier explanation than the truth. After months together, I’d spent enough time with these people to distinguish between their unique Ele sparks, those slivers that every human and Esela carried within them.
Oswin’s bore strong flavors of Loyalty and Innovation while the rest of the Hand wildly ranged. Little claimed Courage; Ring, Resilience; Pointer, Love; and Thumb, Law. I couldn’t hope to differentiate between the dozens of soldiers who followed us, but at the very least, each of them strongly resonated with Devotion, a flavor that all of Raimie’s soldiers had.
And Raimie, the one who walked beside me? Of the many people I’d known in my long life, my friend was the most diverse in terms of Ele. He held so many of Ele’s aspects that it hurt to reach out and sense them, and the one that most intensely blazed from him switched on a near hourly basis.
Where once this conundrum might have puzzled me to distraction, now I accepted it as part of the overall mystery that was my friend. The Ele jumble currently matching my stride might never be steady, but if I could name the multitude of Raimie’s aspects as one, I would call it Comfort.
At that thought, I smiled. Ele might be in the process of abandoning me, but I had a few tricks still hidden up my sleeve. I wasn’t completely helpless yet.
And I had a deeply loyal friend for when that eventuality occurred.
While striding up Elisk’s hill, I noted the fine craftsmanship of the city’s homes, the smooth cobblestones that paved not only its streets but the alleys as well, and the gas lamps on every corner. This cycle had reached an inordinately high level of technology before Doldimar had arrived to lay it low.
I also noted furtive glances through curtained windows and the jerk of doors closed. Some humans had survived within the walls alongside those without.
When we encountered the first body, the tiny flicker of hope that I’d been nursing since the gate was snuffed out. Compared to past cycles, the death toll this time around hadn’t been high, and to be honest, it still stayed quite low in comparison, even when adding in these bodies, but the rest of the group grew increasingly distressed with each corpse we found.
The final resting places of the dead were in the most random of locations: one lying on a porch in peaceful repose, one in itty-bitty pieces strewn across a yard, one propped against a stake driven into the middle of the road. In all states of decomposition, some looked alive with the flush of blood reddening their cheeks while others were bloated and gray with flies circling them. We even found sets of picked-clean bones next to a community well.
“What is this?” Raimie breathed.
That question had probably been rhetorical, but I answered it anyway.
“Kiraak and other beings influenced by Daevetch can’t go for long without killing something or someone. It’s a wonder you haven’t given in to the need yet.”
Raimie rounded on me.
“I would never do this,” he growled.
“I know,” I said with a nod. “I didn’t say that I couldn’t believe you hadn’t, only that your resistance is a wonder. You’d never end a life to appease Daevetch. You’d rather die yourself.”
Raimie regarded me for a painfully long time before turning on his heels, seemingly casting off my comment.
“Not long now,” he said under his breath.
Chapter 57: Horror Left Behind
Ryvolim, Eledis
Ryvolim
Raimie had been right about our pacing. Soon, we turned a corner, and the palace claimed the group’s focus.
Now, that building. That was an impressive piece of engineering. Made entirely of obsidian glass, one would think it unstable, ready to crumble at the slightest movement of the earth, but every surface had been coated with a clear, resin-like material, one that strengthened the underlying obsidian’s typical fragility. Even though it had been constructed in a fashion common to this cycle with buttresses and corbels aplenty, the palace’s black material made it look alien in this city of gray stone and white plaster. Its five spires, greedily reaching for the sky, didn’t help with its sense of otherness. If these humans only knew who’d originally built their architectural masterpiece…
Raimie didn’t pause on seeing this wondrous sight, so wrapped in his dogged pursuit of Daevetch that it passed beneath his notice. As he marched through the short wall that surrounded the palace, the group was forced into a trot to keep up with him.
“He’s headed for the gardens,” Eledis said beside me. “At least that’s what my research tells me.”
“He won’t find gardens there anymore,” Thumb said with a manic cackle.
The spy was right, which didn’t surprise me in the least. Doldimar hated beauty. It was a blatant reminder of everything he’d lost, and he destroyed it when possible, much as he had here.
At one time, the palace gardens had rested atop the hill that Elisk was built upon. Its renowned flower beds and hedges had culminated in a wall of windows, one that extended over a cliff edge and into open air.
Those gardens had been blasted away. Trees, flowers, grass, dirt; all had been scoured from the earth until only stone remained. In their place was a pit, an ugly monument dedicated to the glory of violence and death. A semi-circular chunk had been bitten out of the hillside, and benches were carved into its walls, save for a pair of portcullises on either side. Trap doors littered the path to the pit, entrances to the cages that contained the condemned participants of the fight.
All standard for an arena, except for the fact that it was sheared in two with one half exposed to a drop down the cliffside. It was a rather efficient means of body disposal in a place where they were so quickly generated. I’d hate to see the mess rotting at the hill’s base.
A second oddity distinguished this arena from countless others I’d visited before. From this distance, a giant blob appeared to rise from the arena’s floor, but as we approached, I recognized it as the source of the Daevetch knot. The oddity was too amorphous to be Kiraak and too large to be a single mass of dark energy. Protrusions were rising from its surface, and were those…?
With a dry mouth, I said, “We’re close enough, don’t you think?”
“What?”
Flipping to face me, Raimie grinned as he walked backward.
“Afraid of a little Daevetch?” he said.
“No, I just…”
I sighed. I couldn’t shield my friend from this.
“At least leave the soldiers here,” I said. “They couldn’t help in a battle between primeancers.”
And we shouldn’t subject them to this.
“Not a bad idea,” Raimie said. “Have them form a perimeter, would you, Oswin?”
“Yes, sir,” the spymaster said with a salute.
“I hope you’re not thinking of leaving us behind, like you are with them,” the female member of the Hand said.
“If you’ve decided to follow me, I can’t exactly stop you, can I?” Raimie said, rolling his eyes.
But then, he frowned, scanning the people behind us.
“Did anyone see where Eledis went?” he asked.
Shrugs and negatives rose all around, which deepened the furrows between Raimie’s eyebrows, and oh, how I wanted to let his grandfather distract him, but much as I hated it, we couldn't avoid what was waiting for us in the pit. Even if we sidetracked him now, my friend would encounter this scene at some point today.
“Eledis can’t run into much trouble by himself,” I said. “He’s quite capable of defending himself . We should keep moving.”
And get this over with.
“Fine by me!” Raimie chirped.
When he faced forward again, however, his pace slowed down.
“What is that?”
Gods, the horror in that question!
The Hand and I had successfully distracted the kid, getting us to the arena’s edge, but our efforts had resulted in an exceptionally clear view of the mound when he turned. Heedless of danger, Raimie raced down the stands, leaping from seat to seat in his haste to reach the bottom.
I followed him much more slowly, reluctant to take a closer look. I forced myself to gaze upon Doldimar’s work, though, because in some small way, I was responsible for every atrocity that my enemy (friend) wreaked upon the world. My experiment had brought this curse down upon us, and the torment of living as Daevetch’s Champion was what eventually drove Arivor mad every cycle.
The smell hit me first. When we’d entered the palace grounds, I’d noticed a faint unpleasantness, but without the arena’s walls to contain it, the stench of decay smacked me in the face like a lover spurned.
Comprehension came next. I’d known the lump would hold bodies, but until this point, my mind had refused to believe what had been done to them, despite how many times this had happened before. To my eye, the mound looked like a perfectly-shaped, red and white cube, an abstract sculpture on the arena’s floor. Dark tendrils flickered across its surface—Daevetch—and I pieced together that a white sphere, floating in one corner, had teeth in it, shifting the picture in my head.
Someone had smashed who knew how many people into paste, binding the resulting mess into a neat Daevetch package.
Raimie had turned to stone in front of the cube, staring sans a single blink at the sand in front of it, and I approached him with caution. Once I was within arm’s length, I laid a hand on my friend’s shoulder, which made his fingers twitch.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
It was a silly question; I knew. How could anyone be ok after seeing… this? Still, I'd asked it, a subtle reminder that decent people still existed in the world.
What had been holding Raimie’s attention lost its attraction, and he marched toward one of the portcullises. Before chasing him—gods, he’d need a friend nearby for a while—I took his place and tightened my lips.
Written across the sand was a message, meant for my friend.
‘A second gift, dabbler of both sides. More to come.’
“He won’t find survivors,” someone said behind me. “Judging from the size of that… thing, the pens will be empty. At least Thumb and I got some of them out before… We should have done more.”
“You can’t blame yourself,” I told the other man.
I might also be talking to myself.
“Doldimar’s actions are his own.”
“I know but-”
“But you’re a good man, Pointer,” I said, “and you can’t help feeling guilty, even if you did nothing wrong.”
Pointer was quiet, and after a moment, retreating footsteps told me that I was alone in front of the cube.
Where was the horror, the rage, or even the sorrow that I should feel at this slaughter? All that this massacre prompted in me was quiet resignation. Had I finally seen enough senseless death? Was this the final straw needed to break my-?
Doldimar’s presence firmly asserted itself somewhere nearby, and whirling, I looked up, up, up…
There, on the palace’s top floor and behind the window wall. A striking Eselan with blonde and blue hair, clothed from neck to toe in black leather.
Lifting a ruined hand, Arivor jerked it in a wave, and I instinctually copied him. Gods, why did he always get the good looks?
As my friend (enemy’s) mouth twisted into a sneering smile, he gestured and… oh, fuck. No, no, no!
I spun toward the cube as the Daevetch holding it together joyfully raced back to its master, and without the energy needed to support it, the mess behind that artificial wall fell apart. It smashed into me and-
A river, an ocean, a TIDAL WAVE of blood all around and my family’s corpses in the mix and oh, gods, I’ll never escape and I’ll drown, I’ll drown, I’ll drown and a muffled voice calling a foreign name and Alouin, what did Raimie say to call him if he lost it and-
“ERIADREN!”
I stared at my knees, tearing at my hair. A high-pitched whine filled the bubble that I’d formed between my chest, head, and thighs, but as soon as I noticed it, it stopped. What had happened? Why was I huddled in a-?
Leaping to my feet, I lobbed an Ele bolt at the palace’s top floor.
“You son of a bitch!” I shouted.
Of course, Doldimar wasn’t there to receive my attack. He’d probably shade melded away as soon as he’d observed the results of his handiwork.
“That’s the last time I tell you any secrets between cycles,” I growled to myself.
“You done?” Oswin barked behind me. “Because we need help here!”
When I faced him, my breath caught. I hadn’t been the only one caught in a wash of blood and bone. Oswin was painted red from his feet to just above his panicked eyes, and in an exact match of his bodyguard, Raimie was…
For a moment, I stupidly blinked, uncomprehending of what my friend was doing, before jolting into awareness. Having laid a latticework of pulsing shadows over the arena’s tiered seats, Raimie was systematically smashing them into rubble. With stone tumbling free, dust had thickened in the air, and while I watched, a loosened portion of the stands nearly crushed Little beneath it. Only the spy’s quick reflexes saved him.
“I’ve got it from here!” I shouted over the rumble. “Get your people out while you can!”
“Don’t need to tell me twice.”
Oswin’s subsequent shout to his subordinates barely carried over the noise, but the four other Hand members heard it. All five spies raced up the stands, hurrying to reach the top before the steps were disintegrated.
Advancing on my friend, I shouted, “Raimie? What are you doing?”
A wild grin danced over my friend’s lips but gods, the fury in those eyes…
“I’m showing Doldimar what I think of his gift,” he growled.
At his wave, the second half of the stands crumbled into dust and debris.
Hell. I needed to bring my friend down from this rage-filled high and quickly at that.
“Great. You’ve trapped us in here,” I said, trying to sound lighthearted. “Now what?”
“Now, we give these people a proper burial.”
Sprinting away from me, Raimie leapt in bursts of light from boulder to boulder, steadily advancing up the destroyed seats, and I was forced to follow, although I ceased my use of primeancy when the pit’s lip loomed above me. By the time I climbed over the edge, Raimie had knelt with his palms flat on the ground, sending a first Ele pulse into the hill.
When I turned back to the pit, I heard a laugh pass through my lips, but I was too busy watching what Raimie was doing to care about it. The stone and sand that had composed the pit’s floor had started flowing like water, and like a stream during a flash flood, the earth splashed upward, eagerly climbing for the hole’s surface.
Gods, Raimie would be magically spent for days after this. Sure enough, when I checked on him, he was shaking like a leaf, and all color had drained from his face.
He locked eyes with me.
“Help. me,” he said through gritted teeth.
After scanning our surroundings, I saw no unwanted observers nearby, so I joined Raimie on the ground. When I shot a questioning glance at Creation, they shrugged.
“No harm in trying,” they said.
Fantastic.
Reaching inside for my source of peace, I found it buried even deeper beneath a growing load of horror, but once I did, I carefully cracked the seal on it. Ele burst forth in a flood, but when compared to what I’d unleashed during the beach battle months ago, it was a contained rush.
Focusing it on the wound in the hill’s side, I bade Ele to restore, restore, restore! Earth quickly filled the hole behind me, and once it had finished with that task, I sent white light streaking across the hill in search of grass and flowers and shrubs and trees. Wherever Ele found a spark of growth, I breathed Life into them, and they sprouted. Grass spread with a mind of its own while seeds, acorns, and nuts vigorously budded. A carpet of plant life marched up and over the stone precipice.
As usual, reining Ele in took more focus than it should, becoming a struggle to squeeze a force of boundless presence into a tiny bottle, but I managed it without Ren’s help this time. The seal snapped into place, and gasping, I opened my eyes.
I’d been transported into a forest’s midst. Wild trees shaded us from the sun, grass rose to mid-shin on all sides, and flowers were peppered across the plants around me.
“Whoops,” I said under my breath. “May have gone a bit too far.”
“It’s beautiful,” Raimie said. “A wonderful way to honor the fallen.”
My friend was heavily leaning on Oswin with his legs shaking.
Climbing to my own feet without help, I said, “You should never use magic like that, Raimie. It’s really, really stupid.”
“Good to know you care,” Raimie said with a grin, “but you should worry more about yourself right now, yes?”
Should I? Yes, spending that much Ele at once had made me dizzy as hell, and I thought I might throw up if I stayed on my feet for much longer, but I was used to this. It had happened quite often before. So, what was Raimie worried about?
“Why’s that?” I said.
My friend pointed behind me to where a crowd of people, both civilians and soldiers, were standing. Gaping mouths and white eyes formed a discombobulated line from the palace’s wall to the forest’s fringe, and in some, I read fear while others displayed only awe, but all of them were firmly fixed on me. How… wonderful.
“Couldn’t have lasted much longer with so many big mouths knowing the secret,” I said with a sigh. “Goodbye, Ryvolim. Hello, Rhylix once more.”
Releasing the shape change, I faced my friend while the transformation worked its magic on my body.
“I’ll need a bed now,” I said.
And promptly collapsed. One member of the Hand—Little?—leaned over me.
“How can we help?” he asked.
I weakly laughed, and an energy drain hit me so hard that I blacked out.
Eledis
The room I’d entered echoed my footfalls back to me, but I hardly noticed that noise, too wrapped in echoes of the past to care about those from the present. From this palace, a family had provided stability and protection to a realm of various people for generation, but here, Doldimar had ripped their power and privilege away from them.
I’d found this bedroom after wandering for a while. At some point during that time, the palace had momentarily rumbled, and I’d briefly worried that despite what we’d anticipated, the fighting had begun, but the vibrations had quickly stopped, relieving that fear.
Walking down these cathedral-like halls had been like traversing through a long instance of déjà vu. The familiarity that I felt with this place was foreign, but I didn’t protest it.
I could hear the patter of feet and children’s giggles with adults’ outraged exclamations chasing that delightful noise. The low roar of conversation and the tinkle of champagne glasses had rung in a cavernous hall, adorned with tiled flooring, frescoes, and chandeliers. The throne room had carried the long-dead voices of criers, announcing visitors and issuing proclamation. The study with a wall of windows…
Well, that room had been too strong of a reminder of my father, a man who’d loved such views. In there, I’d heard only my brother’s pained cries and the smack of leather on flesh.
Then, I’d stumbled across this bedroom, and I’d been home. Small, cozy, surprisingly illuminated by a lit fireplace, it was similar in style to every place I’d laid my head before this long journey had begun. The fixtures and furniture might be different but the feel of it…
I shivered. An armchair was even waiting by the fire, exactly where I’d always liked it positioned. I wandered to it in a daze, overwhelmed by a sense of well-being after so many years of peril and strife.
A slim, black-dyed book was perched on the armchair’s seat, and seeing it, I stiffened. I rigidly switched places with that collection of bound pages, cracking it open once I’d gotten settled in the chair. Flipping through the journal, I absently scanned dates, followed by entries of various length, with a lump in my throat. When I reached the end, I paused. The story told in this book had ended poorly, but a few blank pages remained. Perhaps I could reverse the story, finishing it on a happier note.
I flipped to the final entry, intending to find some ink and a quill, but the words that followed the last line of text froze me in place.
Written in a meticulously neat hand, they read, “Enjoy it while it lasts, old man.”
Interlude 2: Arrogance
Heir to the Audish Throne
25th of First, 3467
I met my betrothed today. She was accompanied by the Eselan ambassador, an arrival that’s been delayed by almost six years. Apparently, the Eselan Haven has been dealing with an internal conflict in that time, one that’s only recently abated.
The woman I’m to marry isn’t of the Eselan race, thank Alouin. Her name is Illasaya, and she’s the first-born daughter of Lyzencroft's king. That nation also shares a border with the Eselan Haven. My father hopes that by intermingling our nation’s royal bloodlines, Auden can exploit Lyzencroft’s bustling trade partnership with the Esela.
But enough about the arrangement’s boring details. I’m sure you’d rather hear about my first impressions instead.
She’s… stunning. I can see why so many men have supposedly fallen for her before, but… she’s a bit odd as well.
When the ambassador’s party arrived today, I mistook the princess for one of the group’s guards. She was riding her horse like a man, in breeches and everything, and she even had a sword strapped to her belt! When greeting the group, I completely ignored her at first, which made our personal introduction slightly… awkward.
And she most certainly speaks her mind too! The first words out of her mouth were disparaging comments about the state of my home, followed by complaints about the long journey she’d made to reach it. To be fair, she followed that up with a few compliments, directed at me, but that first exchange of words sapped any glow I might have felt from receiving those.
Perhaps that was what she meant to do, though. Maybe she’s as skeptical of this marriage as I am.
In these moments, I miss my brother. Nebailie would help me figure out whether this princess is intriguing or intolerable, but he’s on the other side of the kingdom, hunting bandits.
I hope he’s gained some self-worth while serving in the military. Hopefully, some distance from court will have given him at least a chance at that.
But I so rarely hear from him. In my last letter, I begged him to come home during his next leave. I know he hates coming to court, and for good reason, but I need him now. My duties as the crown prince have overtaken every spare moment of my life. Alouin, I need someone I can share my frustrations with, someone other than a blank page that can’t talk back.
I should receive his reply soon, and maybe then, I’ll know how tolerable the next few months will be.
4th of Sixth, 3473
Today, I am a married man. Alouin, it felt so good to put that down on paper, so I think I’ll do it again. I’m finally married!
My wife has lived with us for the last six years, and while I’m grateful that courting and wedding preparations took as long as they did, giving us the chance to get to know and love one another, I’m glad to put the time behind us.
Illasaya is perfect in every way. She’s smart and funny. We enjoy so many of the same hobbies, and she’s gorgeous.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve her. Perhaps she’s Alouin’s blessing upon me in place of a splinter’s presence. If so, I’ll take it. I’d trade the powers a splinter bestows if I’m allowed to keep her-
Forgive me for the abrupt pause, but it seems my wife has need of me. Until later.
14th of Third, 3476
My father is dead.
They tell me he died in his sleep, that I could have done nothing for him, but I still blame myself for what happened.
You see, I’ve been asking Alouin for his death over the last few months, ever since Nebailie came back home.
He and our father have always gotten along poorly, but since my father ordered Nebailie away from his military life and back to court, their relationship has deteriorated even further. Toward the end, my brother was well-nigh rebellious with father, saying and doing whatever he wanted rather than observing proper decorum. Behavior like that would have gotten an ordinary man thrown into prison, somewhere he could think on his actions for a while, but Nebailie only ever received a withering glare from our father.
My brother accidentally revealed the reason for his flippancy one night, when we snuck a bottle of whiskey out of the cellar, thereafter proceeding to get thoroughly drunk. I don’t remember exactly how it happened, but at some point, his shirt came off. I asked him if he’d earned the scars crisscrossing his back while fighting bandits, and he broke into hiccupping laughter. When I asked what was so funny, he shook his head and said they were wounds from a battle that took place much closer to home, and I remembered nights when my baby brother had come to bed after a ‘talk’ with father, shaking like a leaf. I remembered times when I heard strange noises coming from the rooms where they’d taken their meetings, and once I put it all together, I vaguely recall that Nebailie had to hold me down to stop me from murdering our father.
Ever since then, I’ve prayed for my father to die each night before I fell asleep.
Alouin, but it feels good to write that down. I’ve kept this sentiment hidden away from the world since that whiskey-sodden night, unsure who might read this journal when I’m away from it. I’m not stupid. I know someone does. When you’re not the king in this place, nothing you say or do is private, especially if you’re next in line to the throne, but now that my father is gone, perhaps I can write in here, uncensored. Perhaps I can-
As if honed into what I’d written, a priest from my new retinue stuck his head through the door of the room where I’d been waiting,
“Your Majesty?” he said. “It’s time.”
“Give me one moment,” I said, pushing my journal to the side. “I have a final prayer to say before we bestow Alouin’s blessing upon me.”
“Of course!”
As the priest left, the door thunked closed behind him, and I hastily stripped off my tunic and the heavy robes they expected me to wear throughout the ceremony. Slipping a box from its hiding place, I grabbed the shirt that helped me maintain the illusion of holding Ele’s power, donning it. As my fingers touched the tips of the sleeves’ gloves, both they and the parts of it over my torso brightly glowed, making its fabric disappear. Throwing my clothes on once more, I kicked the box into a corner and strode through the door.
As I came into view, several of the gathered priests gasped.
“Your Majesty!” the high priest said over them. “You don’t need to use your power until the ceremony!”
Lazily examining my hand, I said, “It doesn’t trouble me to do so. Should I not express adoration for Alouin in this manner, even when our circumstances don’t call for it?”
When I caught the high priest’s eye, I smirked. Try and refute that, you crotchety old man.
“Of course not, Your Majesty,” the high priest said. “I’d never think to discourage any such worship of our god.”
So you say.
Solemnly nodding, I said, “Then, let us proceed.”
The priests surrounded me, and we quickly crossed the distance to the door that separated the hall of worship from the rest of the palace. Those doors were all that stood between my home and its easiest point of ingress.
As the high priest flung them open, I nearly faltered in my step with my breath stuttering.
Alouin but a lot of people were waiting inside, many of them staring or gasping at my lit-up form. Fortunately, years of practice kept my face serene and my feet moving despite the onset of panic.
Was I ready for this? Sure, I’d been training to assume the throne for my entire live, but did that mean I was actually prepared?
As we passed some of the nobles, I noticed my lips twisting into an unintentional smirk. I might or might not be ready to lead a nation, but I’d thoroughly enjoy making some of their lives difficult. They’d heaped trouble upon my brother throughout our childhood, and I meant to enjoy paying them back, when possible.
Speaking of Nebailie…
I checked, and yes, they’d actually obliged my request. Surprise, surprise.
Given, I’d threatened and cajoled far too many people in power to make sure this happened, but there Nebailie stood, in military dress, at the head of my honor guard. My mother had been furious when she’d learned about this, but honestly? I hadn’t and still didn’t care about that. I loved my mother, but she’d always had an enormous blind spot when it came to my brother.
As tradition dictated, my honor guard stood on the left side of the raised apse, and to the right, my wife was waiting, gorgeous as always. When our eyes met, my unpleasant smirk became something more genuine, a smile that she eagerly returned.
I couldn’t wait until later tonight. We’d have a lot of celebrating to do, and I knew she was looking forward to that.
Two little boys were standing beside their mother, and when I wiggled my fingers at them, my sons giggled. I’d long ago resolved that they’d never experience the same distance that I’d had with my own father. I’d make time for my family, no matter how heavy the burdens of monarchy became, damnit.
While the high priest climbed onto the apse, I paused before mounting the single stair myself, well-versed in the ceremony’s proceedings. Turning to face the audience, the priest spread his arms wide.
“Today is a sorrowful day, for today, we've lost a great man, a great king, and one whom Alouin granted leave to guide our nation into a time of unprecedented peace and prosperity.”
As if reflecting on the wonders that his god had performed through my father, the priest paused while I internally scoffed. My father had been many things, and an inspiring leader might have been top of the list, but he’d done it without the help of some invisible being.
“But this day is also a joyful one,” the high priest continued, “for today, we’ll see a new king ascend, someone who has already shown the mark of Alouin’s blessing.”
Again, he paused, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at his melodrama.
“Kneel,” he said.
I might do as I was told, but the entire way, I kept my eyes locked on the high priest. Once this ceremony was over and I held the power I needed to do it, I meant to make some changes within the priests’ ranks. I had no intention of showing them my belly, like my father had.
“Do you swear to serve Alouin and thereby, all of his children, from the most common of serfs to the highest of nobles?” the high priest said.
“I so swear,” I said.
“Do you swear to protect Auden from enemies, both within and without, using all available resources up to and including your life?”
“I so swear.”
“Then, rise,” the high priest said.
Once I was on my feet, he continued, “Auden has no crown for its monarch. As a kingdom, we were founded to fight dark primeancy’s evil, leaving us no predilections for frivolity or flamboyant displays of wealth. Our origins do not, however, exclude the king of Auden from a mark of office.”
A lesser priest hurried to his superior with a cloth-encased bundle. As the high priest unwrapped it, a hush fell across the hall of worship. Delicately claiming the prize hidden within, the high priest lifted it above his head.
“Shadowsteal!” he roared with spittle flying from his mouth. “Slayer of dark primeancers and the evil aspects that give them power!”
When he offered me the sword’s hilt, I hesitantly took it.
At this point, the sword was supposed to light up, activated by the wielder’s connection to Ele, but I wasn’t a primeancer, no matter how much I pretended to be one. I, however, hadn’t spent my whole life dreading this moment without preparing for it as well.
As soon as I had hold of the blade, I whipped it through the air, as if testing its weight, but while doing so, I release my hold on the strip of cloth I’d torn from my shirt’s hem earlier this morning. It unfurled, and I flipped it over the blade’s point, catching the other end with my pinky finger at the cross guard. It had taken me months of on-and-off practice to perfect this move, but that practice seemed well worth it now. Wrapped in glowing cloth, Shadowsteal looked exactly like it was supposed to.
Unfortunately, the high priest looked a bit taken aback by my small step away from the ceremony’s traditional routine.
“What?” I whispered to him. “You said we’re a warrior nation. I’m only testing my newest weapon.”
Clearing his throat, the high priest said, “Yes, well…”
Shaking his head, he gestured expansively.
“Your new king, nobles of Auden!”
And they whooped and cheered and hollered, the hypocrites. I beamed at them, playing along, before stepping to the side next to Nebailie while Illasaya glided forward to kneel in front of the high priest.
“Did you bring it?” I whispered while my wife took her own vows.
Nebailie silently handed me Shadowsteal’s scabbard, and as the nobles cheered for their new queen, I gratefully sheathed the sword.
“Thanks, ‘bailie,” I said.
“My liege,” my brother said.
At that, I frowned. Alouin, I hadn’t thought about how much deference would soon be crowding my life. How long would it take for me to get used to that?
“Before you attend the party later, a man has been ridiculously insistent on speaking with you once we’re done here,” Nebailie continued. “Said it had something to do with our father.”
“Great! He haunts us even after his death,” I said with a huff.
Nebailie snorted at that.
So, once we’d filed out of the house of worship, I met with a squirrely-looking man instead of joining the revelers at the gala, as I might have wished.
“Forgive me for interrupting your celebration, Your Majesty, but I thought you’d like to hear my news as soon as possible,” he said. “I’m the Ring of your Hand, and over the last few days, I’ve been investigating your father’s death. You may have been told that he died of natural causes, but that’s what we always say after a king has died, as long as it remains possible to do so. In your father’s case, however, I’m afraid that hasn’t been the case. In short, I believe your father was murdered.”
Half-Fulfilled
A novella, set halfway through A King's Caution. (Between Interlude 2: Arrogance and Chapter 58)
1
The Boy
Victory wasn’t supposed to feel like this.
Standing over Rhylix’s sleeping form, I wondered how it should feel. Should I be exultant? Relieved? How should one feel at the culmination of a battle with zero casualties?
Not like this.
At least Rhylix didn’t need to struggle with shape change anymore. He’d thought I’d never noticed how tiring he’d found playing human, but even with my own problems keeping me occupied, I’d seen it. Even with Hadrion’s death dragging me into a pit of misery and self-hate. Even with a second life rattling around in my head, straining to replace false memories. Even with Ren…
It was good to see Rhylix’s tall form and distinctive hair shade once more.
Hair with white in it.
Seeing this, I leaned closer. Had our efforts to restore Elisk’s fighting pits aged my friend? Weeks ago, he’d shared with me how badly Ele had been weakened in recent years. Did that mean his typical invulnerability now had exceptions?
There was definitely something white there. What was it?
When I brushed the speck, I felt its familiar texture and jerked my hand away. Bone.
‘A second gift, dabbler of both sides’, written across the sand.
“Sir! Are you-?”
Hovering over me, Oswin had his hand extended, and I jerked away from it.
“I’m fine,” I snapped. “Whoever cleaned Rhy up didn’t do a thorough job, is all.”
Glancing around me, I frowned. How had I gotten here, absently standing in a hall? Why did this sensation feel so familiar?
Shivering, I slumped against a wall, pressing my forehead to its cool resin with pitch black behind it…
The holding pens are empty. No, no, no! This can’t be happening! Please. Maybe I missed someone, deeper in this hungry darkness.
“SIR!”
When I focused with a gasp this time, I frantically scanned my surroundings, again finding myself in a different part of the palace. Gods, I was losing time.
Not good. I had to raise my defenses, holding off this need to relive awful memories.
Maybe Ele could help with that?
Beside me, Bright said, “I wouldn’t.”
Their advice came too late. I reached for the peace behind my Ele source, but when it came as called today, fire scorched my veins, and I dropped to my knees, screaming. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t cast aside the energy I’d summoned, and it scoured me, bristling thorns ripping along my skin’s underside. Molten magma dissolving my brain beneath its-
“That was stupid, heart of my heart.”
Even here, even now, Nylion wouldn’t look at me, and I…
How terrible was it that this hurt worse than everything else I’d suffered in the last few weeks?
Hell, how I wanted to reach out and take Nylion’s hand, promising that everything would be better soon, but I couldn’t make myself move those few, needed inches. Instead, I turned aside, hugging myself.
“I know,” I said.
Gasping, I scrambled across the floor until I hit a wall, frantically searching my body for wounds. I must have been hurt. Pain’s echo was ringing so loudly in me, and blood was covering me from head to toe.
So much blood. It was cracking on my skin and stiffening my uniform, but this wasn’t my blood. This was-
The Daevetch presence that’s been flitting about Elisk stabilizes nearby, and I run toward that presence. In the pit, Rhylix is staring at a cube, a monstrosity that my mind refuses to accept, and as if dazed, he turns toward the palace. He lifts a hand in greeting to a man, standing high in the palace’s confines.
The origin of the Daevetch presence.
This man gestures, and something in the world changes. Frowning, I search for the shift and find a wave of red, crashing toward me.
Hands were on my shoulders, digging into my skin.
“You need to stop screaming!” Oswin shouted. “Alouin, what if someone sees you like this?”
Shrugging off his hands, I stood from where I’d been huddled against the wall. My jacket was on the floor at my feet with its buttons popped and cloth torn. I didn’t remember taking it off.
This was really bad.
“I need a bath,” I said. “Immediately.”
With his face crinkling, Oswin said, “I- I’m sorry, sir. With the current chaos, I’m not sure we can accommodate that right now.”
“I’ll make my own, then,” I said.
Because this filth needed to come off of me. Now.
Oswin trailed me as I left the palace, soon entering the city proper. Along the way, soldiers and civilians stopped what they were doing to stare at me, but I could hardly blame them.
How must I look right now? Half-clothed with my scars—old and new—bared for the world to see, covered in blood and who knew what else, my eyes wild. Did they think I’d lost my mind? How many of these people were wondering if they’d traded one insane conqueror for another?
For once, I didn’t care what they thought, focusing on finding the closest public well. Only on standing atop its lip did I hesitate, gazing into its dark depths.
I’d made this plunge once before, years ago. Because of it, my mother had died.
That is not what happened, and you know it, Nylion said.
Gods, he’d sounded angry. Of course he was angry. Why couldn’t he understand…?
At least in this, though, Nylion was right. My mother hadn’t died after we’d fallen into a well, and my memory of it was as false as everything else in the first half of my life. As false as what I’d had with Ren.
“Sir, what are you-?” Oswin started.
I stepped off of the well’s lip. For a moment, wind whistled in my ears before water closed over my head. Its sharp cold forced a gasp from me, and liquid rushed inside-
The red wave slams into me, and within it, something solid strikes my cheek. At that, I suck in what should have been air, but instead of that, metallic saltiness flows over my tongue.
Blood. I’ll drown on the blood of my people, crushed as a gift for me.
The blood in my lungs returns from whence it came with a howl.
Sputtering, I splashed to the surface. Floating there, I stared at a circle of blue, high above, while forcing myself to process these memories. Do it here, in the privacy at the bottom of a well, rather than let them rise, unbidden, while among others.
Because these memories had significance. Until that moment, I hadn’t seen Doldimar as my foe. An enemy or something evil, certainly, but not my problem.
For some reason, this gift had made it personal. Not my father’s paralyzation. Not having my normal life ripped away from me. Not the Kiraak, waiting for my mercy in the Birthing Grounds. Not even Teron’s many attempts at killing me.
Doldimar had pulped hundreds of people into paste as a gift for me. Nothing would stop me from putting the mad dog down.
“Sir…”
Oswin’s voice echoed to me with a sigh.
“I’ll get a rope.”
Ignoring him, I scrubbed my body until my skin was scarlet before pulling Ele to me. As before, pain accompanied this energy, but without awful memories to cloud my focus, pain was pain was pain. It had no hold on me.
Shooting Ele from my feet felt like having claws raked over my body’s every fiber, but I maintained the stream until I’d gained the height needed to grab the well’s lip. As I hauled myself over the edge, my muscles screamed at me. Oswin was there to help me to the ground, thank Alouin.
Once on my feet again, I flung water off of my arms while shaking it from my hair.
“Tell me, Oswin,” I said. “What should victory feel like?”
“I-”
The spy looked so lost.
“I don’t know, sir.”
“Neither do I, but it doesn’t feel like this,” I said. “But that makes sense, right? Today wasn’t a victory. Even if Doldimar has vanished, today doesn’t mark our victory. He’ll return someday, and when he does, we must be prepared for him.”
2
The Girl
Freedom wasn’t supposed to feel like this.
Standing over Hadrion’s grave, I wondered what my little brother would think of the mess that I’d become, and his much-loved voice echoed in my head.
“Shouldn’t have ended things with Raimie, silly. I know you love him. You certainly blabbered enough about it to me. Who cares if his marriage to Ada’ir’s queen would serve Auden best? Do what’s best for YOU.”
“Like you have room to talk,” I whispered.
When Kylorian had returned with Hadrion’s body… Alouin, the sight of it.
Pale skin turning green from rot. Neck split unnaturally wide to reveal the tissue beneath. The wound’s jagged edges.
As my lungs became a bellows for air, I slapped a hand over my mouth, biting my palm, and only unclenched my teeth on tasting blood. I wouldn’t cry today, not when I’d shed so many tears in recent weeks.
“Why’d you do it, Had-had?” I said. “Did you think Raimie couldn’t protect you? He could have! I know- I think-”
If he couldn’t have, the remnants of Raimie might be laying here instead of Hadrion. Was that what I wanted? To trade the one I loved for my brother? It might be better than seeing him married to another woman.
I tasted blood again, and a sharp pain in my cheek made me release it from my teeth. Alouin, how could I think that?
“Ren, you ready?”
No.
“Coming, Ky!”
My older brother was waiting for me far distant from the grave, hugging his elbows.
Something was wrong with him. It had been that way for a while, but things had gotten worse since his trip to Nephiron: his way of grieving, I knew. He’d been jumpy and snappish, unlike his typical diplomatic self. Worse, he’d returned gaunt and hollow-eyed. Haunted. I was worried that he’d stopped eating properly, as he on and off had throughout our childhood.
To top it all off, he’d been avoiding both me and the rest of our family for weeks, which I didn’t understand. Kylorian had always called upon the families of those who’d been lost in service to Tiro, but now, he was deviating from that pattern with those closest to him. I’d thought he’d want to spend as much time possible with us, especially given how often he was typically out in greater Auden. When he’d come to ask if I’d join him on his new planned trip, it had been the first time we’d talked since he’d come home.
As I approached him, I looked up and down his frame, noting the pack at his feet, the sturdy shoes, and the cloak around his neck. Did he mean to leave straight from here? I might have something to say about that.
“Shall we see Eliade and Dury before heading out?” I sweetly asked.
As always, Kylorian’s eyes tightened when I mentioned our father’s name. I could understand that, given the many times he’d talked about the lectures Tanwadur had given him and the thunderous shouting that I could sometimes hear ringing throughout our home.
Still, I was especially anxious to have those two say goodbye. My father had been tense throughout Kylorian’s surprise trip to Nephiron, and I’d noticed that things were usually easier between the two whenever Tanwadur was more relaxed. I tried to make that happen as often as possible.
“We spoke earlier,” Kylorian said, as if to spite me. “So, unless you have something you need to say to them?”
There. A way to get him home, at least for a little while.
“I do, actually.”
I started down the path toward Tiro, soon glancing over my shoulder. Kylorian hadn’t taken a single step.
“Coming?” I asked in a sing-song voice.
My brother’s lips twitched with his fingers stretching, but he soon followed me out of the graveyard, and I smiled. He would see every member of our family before we left, even if I had to force it.
“Little bird!” Eliade said as we came through the front door. “And Ky! I didn’t know you’d returned from your trip. How’d it go?”
He hadn’t even told her he was back?
“It was…”
Kylorian broke off, looking anywhere but at Eliade.
“Productive Uneventful.”
Both Eliade and I stared at Kylorian until he sighed.
“I met my contact in Nephiron. Things didn’t work out so well between us, so I left. Found myself in a spot of trouble. Fortunately, my contact had a change of heart before I got in too deep. They came after me, and we worked things out.”
That was vague, for him at least. Kylorian usually regaled us with stories about his time on the road after he’d come home. What had happened to him while he was away to change that habit?
“I’m glad to hear you fixed things with your contact,” Eliade cautiously said before smiling. “Why don’t you two come to the dining room? I was making lunch when you arrived.”
As she gestured behind her, Kylorian shook his head.
“Actually, we’re in a bit of a hurry-”
“Nonsense! You always have time for my cooking, or so you always say,” Eliade said. “Right, Ky?”
Wincing, Kylorian said, “Yes, but-”
“Great! We should get going, then,” Eliade said. “Your father’s already at the table. Let’s join him, shall we?”
Kylorian’s frown deepened as he followed our mother, but still, I smiled at his meek shuffle. Eliade had been the only one, ever, to cow my brother like this, and I’d always found it entertaining to watch: the quintessential housewife conquering one of Tiro’s best warriors.
As we stepped into the dinging room, Tanwadur, already at his seat, glanced up at us. There was a brief flash of… something—I wasn’t sure what—in his eye, but it was gone almost a soon as it had appeared. Getting to his feet, Tanwadur spread his arms wide
“Ky!” he cried. “You’re home!”
While he came forward, presumably to hug my brother, I punched Kylorian in the shoulder.
“You said you’d spoken with them!”
From the corner of his mouth, Kylorian said. “I may have fibbed a bit.”
“A bit?!”
With his attention fully on our father, Kylorian accepted his embrace, obviously ignoring me.
“How are you, Dury?” he asked.
My father’s thick arms squeezed, too tight, it would seem. Kylorian sharply inhaled, stiffening, but he quickly got ahold of himself.
“Better now that both of you are here,” Tanwadur said, “Come! Sit!”
As soon as he released my brother, the two of us joined him at the table. Eliade, who’d taken a detour on the way here, bustled inside. She held plates piled high with vegetable pies, bread, and roasted meat, and after placing each platter on the table, she sat down as well.
“Wait your turn, Hadri-” she absently began.
Her choked sob stopped what had once been a daily admonishment, and as it echoed in the room, everyone avoided looking at a conspicuously empty chair.
After a moment, Eliade whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I leapt from my seat, rushing to hold my mother. As I rocked her from side to side, she started crying.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said.
The two men with us had, predictably, withdrawn, facing their pain with their typical clenched jaws and tightened fists.
Meanwhile, Eliade hid her face in her hands, shuddering, while I released her. This left me as the one to draw our meal back into something we’d find more comfortable.
Again, I bit the inside of my cheek. Didn’t they know I was hurting too? Why did I have to be the strong one?
“Take my role, big sis,” Hadrion whispered to me. “Be the beacon of cheerfulness and hope that this family badly needs.”
So, I forced myself to smile as I said.
“Alouin, this food looks amazing, mom! I didn’t know potatoes were in season yet!”
Eliade laughed into her hands.
“Maybe if you spent more time in the fields instead of traipsing through the forest all day, you would have known.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “Aren’t you the one who’s always telling me little birds fly where they will? I’d be too twitchy for farm work.”
“That’s true,” Tanwadur grumbled. “Don’t you go stealing her for your fields now, Eliade. The Terror of Da’kul couldn’t have earned her title if she’d kept to the role you intended for her.”
Eliade slapped the table, revealing a tear-streaked face.
“I never could stand against the two of you when you were united in purpose.”
After a moment more of glaring, she relented, waving at the table.
“Dig in. I know you want to.”
“Don’t need to tell me twice,” I said under my breath.
I joined Tanwadur and Eliade in serving my plate, Only Kylorian refrained from the free-for-all.
“Are you feeling all right, Ky?” I asked.
I could tell, just by looking at him, that he needed to put some foot into his body, one way or the other, and it concerned me that he didn’t look interested in a meal that he’d typically jump right into. Our mother’s cooking was one of the only forms of sustenance he tended to let himself enjoy.
Making a face, Kylorian said, “I’m fine. Just not hungry. Anxious to be on the road.”
Sure…
Taking aim, I meant to flick a pea at Kylorian as an opening salvo, one where I might eventually get him to relent, but before I could try, Tanwadur interrupted me.
“Kylorian of the line of kings!” he said. “Are you refusing to try your mother’s cooking?’
At that gruff question, my brother flinched, and I winced inside. Alouin love my father but sometimes, he could be entirely too harsh with Kylorian, completely unlike how he’d always been with me and… Hadrion.
“I wouldn’t dare,” Kylorian said.
Hesitantly, he filled his own plate. I studiously ignored him and our father as we all ate, starting the meal as many before this one once had.
Eventually, though, Tanwadur broke the quiet in a displeased grumble.
“What’s got you in such a rush?”
At his tone, I choked on the bite of vegetable pie that I’d been chewing. Any pleasant snips of conversation we’d been indulging in vanished, gone as if they had never been.
As always, Kylorian looked nonchalant about the change in our father’s mood, although I knew looks could be deceiving with him. He scooped up a bite as he said.
“Surely you’ve heard that Raimie’s recently taken Elisk without a single loss. Even I’ve heard the rumor, and I’ve been on the road for a while.”
Tanwadur started scowling.
“More like Doldimar gifted it to him,” Tanwadur spat.
Which made me flinch. I’d endured a lot of lectures during my time spent courting Raimie, so I hated that my brother had brought up the subject now.
“Well, yes. You and I know that’s what happened,” Kylorian continued, poking the air in our father’s direction with his knife, “but to the general populace, it doesn’t look that way. So, in the battle for their hearts and minds, Raimie holds the advantage right now. Since he’s acting like he’ll keep to our agreement, I mean to step forward in the populace’s mind as an alternative ruler. Hopefully, this will begin swinging things my way.”
Nodding, Tanwadur scooped peas and potatoes into his mouth, and despite the sensitive subject matter, I breathed a sigh of relief. My father had relaxed, which was good for all parties involved.
“How?” he asked around his mouthful.
“Raimie has his strengths, much as you might hate to admit it,” Kylorian said. “I have mine. While he runs around charming people with his good nature, I’ll play politics. It was what I was gathering Ren to do before our stop here.”
Tanwadur grew distant as he thought through my brother’s plan.
“You mean to speak with town mayors,” he said, “gaining their promises of support in exchange for whatever they might demand from you.”
“Sounds about right,” Kylorian said.
“And why do you need our little bird for this?” Tanwadur asked.
Every eye turned to me, which started a flush creeping up my neck. After Kylorian had explained his plans for the next week, during one of the rare spells he’d talked to me recently, I’d asked if I could join him on his trip. I’d only told Kylorian that I needed an excuse to leave Tiro, but I suspected he knew the real reason I’d asked to come with him. After all, he’d walked in on me and Raimie before I’d…
Anyway, I was sure he knew, as I was sure our parents did too, but I’d be damned if I’d admit that reason aloud.
Without any prompting on my part, Kylorian stepped forward to rescue me, as usual.
“Ren should see something of Auden besides our little piece of it, and she should do it now, while Doldimar’s gone,” he said. “Who knows when he’ll return with his Kiraak and his games? Let’s take advantage of our freedom while we have it.”
“Hear, hear!” Tanwadur cried, slamming his tankard on the tabletop.
While he and Kylorian devolved into a heated discussion about travel plans and what resources he should pledge to which towns, I picked at the remnants of my meal. My brother had come up with a nice lie for why he needed me to join him on this trip, but it was just that. A lie. I knew why I really needed to leave this place.
Touches of Raimie were rife throughout Tiro, and they were driving me mad. Why was it that a broken heart hurt almost as much as a lost sibling? Was I that shallow?
“Not in the least, big sis,” Hadrion said. “I remember the things you said about him. How he made you feel, like a missing part of you coming home. I also remember the night you brought him to Tiro. As soon as I saw the two of you together, I knew that Ky had lost the battle for your heart. You and Raimie were made for each other, and while it hurts that I’m gone, never to be seen or spoken to again, the potential that you’ve lost with him hurts more. I know it does, Ren. You could never lie to me. It’s all right, though. I understand.”
“You’re a voice in my head,” I whispered while ripping into my last few bites of meat.
“What was that, sweetie?” Eliade asked at my side.
I flinched, huddling on myself.
“Nothing, mom.”
Eliade watched me as I finished eating. When I set aside my utensils, she laid a hand over mine.
“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she asked. “I was here when Josenik left-”
Gasping, I stole my hand back, which made Eliade look miserable. I had to give her something else to focus on.
“I was just wondering what freedom feels like,” I said. “Do you know?”
If anything, my mother’s face fell further.
“Oh, little bird. What makes you think I would?” she said. “When I was a child, Doldimar had held dominion for almost two hundred years. Besides the pretense of it that we have here, I’ve never been free, but maybe we can learn how that feels together.”
Hmm.
“I’d like that,” I said, meaning to continue the conversation.
Shoving away from the table, Kylorian stopped that from happening.
“Thank you for the meal, but we really should be going now,” he said.
With nothing else, he stalked out of the room, and those of us he’d left behind exchanged a glance. That had been abrupt, but then, Kylorian was sometimes like that, usually after he’d finished an intense conversation with our father.
Like the one he’d just had.
“Or maybe not,” Eliade sighed. “Safe journey, sweetie. Thank you for bringing Ky here before you left.”
“It was no trouble,” I said. “Despite how he might be acting right now, please know that both of us are looking forward to coming home.”
“Oh, we know,” Tanwadur said. “Now, hurry after him, Ren. He’ll be halfway across Auden by the time you catch up.”
Despite the warning, I took my time saying goodbye. When I did leave, I sprinted after my brother, and on catching up, I swatted the back of his head.
“Your bathing has gotten as deplorable as your manners lately. Is that something you picked up from your contact in Nephiron?”
Without stopping, Kylorian shoved me with a smile on his face, and for a split second, I saw the brother that I’d grown up beside.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, sulkily pouting.
“You missed a spot this morning,” I said. “I swear, it’s like dirt loves you; it clings to you so!”
“Really? Where is it this time?”
Kylorian twirled with his arms spread wide.
“Right along your hairline,” I said with a smirk. “Guess I can’t blame you for missing it. I almost didn’t see it myself.”
At my words, Kylorian slowed down, lifting a hand to his neck. A river of emotions flowed over his face, too fast for me to read them, but when they’d passed, my familiar brother was gone again, replaced by what he’d become since the battle for the Birthing Grounds.
“Huh,” he grunted.
3
The Boy
I didn’t deserve this.
As another woman approached me with her gaggle of children, I groaned under my breath. I could already hear her words.
“Thank you.”
“You’ve saved us!”
“Are you the one we’ve been waiting for?”
I’d heard so many variations of these phrases over the last few days, and I deserved none of it.
When the woman stopped, however, I faced her with a smile on my face because that was what she needed. It was what they all needed. By now, the whole of Elisk had heard that I was a primeancer. How much of their fears did I soothe with a single smile?
“Yes?” I prompted.
Keeping my voice pleasant was a struggle. In the last few days, I’d used a lot of Daevetch, and its effects were making themselves known. Rhylix and Bright kept telling me to ease up, letting Daevetch’s hold on me loosen for a time, but I couldn’t stand the sight of the eyesores outside of Elisk’s wall. A visible reminder of what these people had suffered, they gnawed on me so badly that they’d begun infiltrating my dreams. I’d see these abandoned slums gone, even if I must destroy them by hand.
A cough drew me back to the woman and her children.
“Sorry,” I said. “Did you need something?”
“I need your help,” she said.
Four more beautiful words had never existed in the human language.
“Of course!” I said. “What can I do for you?”
The woman tangled her fingers in her skirt, looking at her feet, and I couldn’t wait for her to gather the courage to speak, not with the pile of tasks on my agenda. Fortunately, one of her children spared me the effort of dragging an answer free.
“Grandma’s in there,” he piped up, pointing at the stretch of slums that I’d meant to demolish over the next quarter mark.
Grandma? Could someone live to see one’s children’s children under Doldimar’s reign?
Wait. In there?
“Gods,” I said, turning to Oswin. “I thought you said they were empty!”
“The soldiers reported it so,” the spy said. “They may have missed something.”
“May have?”
“Please, Your Greatness,” the woman said, “may I convince her to leave before you exert your power?”
I winced.
“Don’t call me that. I’m not Doldimar,” I said. “Where is your mother, dear lady? Perhaps I can help her leave.”
“If you want to try, you can, although she won’t make it easy for you,” the woman said. “Mother insists that this place is her home. She’s vowed never to leave it while she breathes.”
“Of course she has,” I sighed.
I crouched to the children’s eye level.
“Who here can take me to grandma?”
Giggling and avoiding my eyes, the children sprinted into the slums, and I followed at a more leisurely pace with Oswin and the children’s mother beside me.
“Anything else I should know about her besides she’s crazy stubborn?” I asked.
“She’s liable to stab you if you drag her out,” the woman said.
“Violent too. Got it.”
Soon enough, the children and I were standing outside of a hovel no different from those around it. After thanking them, I moved toward its entrance, but Oswin held me back from stepping through it, shaking his head. Edging into the opening, the spy immediately ducked, but not before something hit his shoulder. He spun behind cover with his sword drawn and a hand pressed around the knife protruding from him.
“Son of a bitch!” he shouted.
“Oswin, there are children present,” I said with a chuckle.
Still, I hurried to his side, and when I reached out to assess the wound for myself, a memory careened into me.
“Alouin, Oswin! I’m sorry!” I yell.
I reach for the knife in my friend’s shoulder with Nylion doing the same, but Oswin bats only my hand away.
“It’s fine,” he hisses. “I was asking for it, daring you to make your throw with me standing in front of the target. We’ve only been at knife work for a week or so, but still, you’re usually better than-”
“What’s going on here? Where’s Bryruned?”
At the question, Oswin stiffens. I whirl, taking a step toward the door—“Dad!”—before stopping short. Both of us bow to the new arrival, although Oswin does so with a wince, while Nylion crosses his arms, fixing his eyes on the ceiling.
“Spymaster.”
“Well?” my father asks. “Why’s Oswin stuck with a knife, and where’s your tutor?”
“Bryruned stepped out for a moment,” I say.
“And you boys immediately got into trouble,” my father says, answering his own question. “What happened, Raimie? When I left, you showed promise with the knife.”
Hanging my head, I scuff the floor, scrambling for an answer, while Nylion keeps quiet. Only his huddle against me serves as proof of his existence. Fortunately, Oswin provides an answer for us.
“His throw seemed a little stiff, sir.”
Both my father and my friend turn their gazes on me, and I flush. They already know what I’ll say. I’ve used this excuse too many times to count. Must I say it again?
Clicking his tongue, Oswin moves toward me, and before I can retreat, he lifts my tunic’s hem, revealing the mottled bruises and welts that are spread along my back and side. At the sight, my father stiffens with his hands clenching.
“What happened?” he snaps.
“He-” Oswin begins.
“I fell,” I interrupt with Nylion assisting my lie.
I’m not sure how I hurt myself. A few days ago, my other half took control. The last thing I remember from before it happened was studying, happily chatting with Nylion at the same time, when a shadow fell across the page of my book. I returned to control with our body lying in a rubbish heap in Daira’s Audish sector. Maybe I took to the rooftops to get there, falling from one of them into the trash.
My father must have reached the same conclusion because he purses his lips.
“I know you love climbing, Raimie,” he says, “but you need to be more careful while doing it.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I must make my report to the Queen. Fix Oswin up.”
“Yes, sir.”
And my father’s gone. Turning to my friend, I’m smacked by the hurt on Oswin’s face.
“I’m sorry!” I say.
Oswin cuts me off with a wave of his hand.
“It’s fine. Just get this damn thing out of me!”
I blinked with one hand on the knife in Oswin’s shoulder and the other on his chest. Friends? We’d been friends? That I’d known the man made sense, what with me training as a child to be in the same Hand, but friends?
Why did that fact shock me so much? I called him friend now, so why…?
“Sir?” Oswin said. “I can do it myself if need be.”
Without a word, I slid steel from flesh, and Oswin gasped while a face from years before was superimposed over the one from the present.
“That’s a lot of blood,” I said, echoing the fading memory.
“Of course it’s a lot of fucking blood, idiot!” Oswin hissed. “You just pulled a-”
He took a deep breath.
“Forgive me, sir. Would you please stop holding the wound closed so I can properly bandage it? You have something of your own to accomplish.”
Right. The grandmother.
Shaking off the memory, I inched toward the hovel’s opening.
“Watch out, sir. I think she likes sharp, pointy things,” Oswin said, and I chuckled.
Huh. Maybe we had been friends long ago.
After ducking my head around the entrance, I retracted it back to safety, even without seeing a sharp edge flying for my face. As expected, a knife whizzed through the doorway after me.
“Leave me alone!” someone called from inside.
“You were right,” I panted. “She does like her sharp edges.”
From what little I’d seen, the woman we’d come to move was surrounded by blades. This might be tricky. Without knowing the lady inside, I didn’t have many ideas for how to handle this, so I approached the woman who’d alerted me to the problem.
“Does she have anything she likes?” I asked. “Besides knives.”
The woman looked lost, but one of her children shifted in place, plucking at her shirt.
“Do you have an idea?” I asked.
“Um, yes,” the girl said. “Grandma always likes it when I bring her flowers.”
“Perfect!” I said. “What’s your name, sweetie?”
“Ninia,” the girl mumbled.
“What a beautiful name!” I said with a broad smile. “Ninia, can you find your grandma some flowers? She could use some happiness in her life today, don’t you think?”
The girl eagerly nodded, sprinting off with several siblings in tow.
“Do you mean to use my children in this task?” their mother asked once they were out of sight.
Why had she sounded so hostile with that question? I wouldn’t hurt a child, although…
She had no way of knowing that, and the last person who’d claimed Elisk as his seat of power had never had the same… boundaries, we’d say, as I did.
“That depends,” I said. “How likely is your mother to hurt them? She didn’t look old, so whatever’s keeping her in her former home isn’t dementia, but battle fatigue can be just as dangerous to loved ones, and I’d say most of Auden has the condition. Wouldn’t surprise me to find it here.”
“My mother would never hurt her grandchildren!” the woman said.
If she’d known that, then why had she seemed to have a problem before?
“Then, I’d be grateful to you and your children if they delivered wildflowers to her,” I said. “Perhaps they can give her a message as well.”
The woman bit her lip, but she nodded.
“Thank you,” I said
Oswin was next. He’d finished applying a makeshift bandage to his shoulder, but his fingers kept playing over it.
“How’s it feel?” I asked.
“Like I got stabbed, sir.”
“This woman does have good aim, doesn’t she?” I said with a laugh. “Maybe I should recruit her.”
“Her aim’s certainly better than-”
Oswin snapped his mouth closed, and I found myself petrified in body and mind.
Finish that thought. Prove that what I saw is a true memory because Nylion has been refusing to speak with me for days, and I have no one else to confirm it. If we were friends and I’ve forgotten, I-
I don’t know what I’ll do.
“You!” I snapped at a passing soldier. “Dravenik, right?”
The soldier stiffened, which right now, meant a yes among my troops.
“Go fetch Rhylix, please,” I said.
My friend should be somewhere nearby. Earlier, he’d said something about needing to grab a pack from the palace. I knew he meant to check in with me after he’d retrieved it, and enough time had passed since then that my friend had probably finished the task.
“Yes, sir!” Dravenik shouted before trotting off.
“I don’t need a healer,” Oswin grumbled.
“Good,” I said. “He won’t be for you.”
The children pounded around the corner, and ignoring Oswin’s souring face, I crouched among them.
“I’d like you to give your grandma a message with the flowers,” I said. “Can you do that?”
When they bobbed their tiny heads, I told the children what I’d like them to say. They darted inside, but only a short time passed before they left again. The last one paused beside me.
“She says that she’ll see you with the discussed item,” he said. “Nothing and no one else.”
Nodding to the child, I disarmed myself, leaving Oswin burdened with my weapons and a host of protests. Stepping into the entryway, I spread my arms and spun in a circle before entering. The woman inside was reed-thin, almost gaunt, but her blue eyes sparkled with a wicked intelligence, and red still dominated portions of her graying hair.
Feigning nonchalance, I found a stool, dragging it to her bedside. Before sitting, I unhooked Shadowsteal from my belt, offering it to her hilt first, and she hesitantly took it.
“So, this is…?” she trailed off.
I nodded over my crossed arms.
“The sword of the Audish royal family,” I said. “If you like, I can show you some of its neater tricks once you’re done looking.”
Please say she’d refuse. I didn’t like holding that blade unless I had to. The only reason it was on me now was because Oswin had insisted on it, refusing to let me leave the palace unless it had been hooked on my belt.
Perhaps the woman had been too engrossed by the blade to hear my offer because she made no reply. She unsheathed the sword, widening her eyes at every bit of exposed steel.
“It’s beautiful,” she said. “How’d you get it?”
“I found it, actually,” I said. “Kind of wish I hadn’t.”
The eyes that the woman turned on me were dead, empty of emotion.
“You found it,” she said.
Again, I nodded.
“At the time, I thought it was lying in a clearing,” I said. “Now, I know that it was ensconced in an Ele bubble.”
I still didn’t know why I had been able to reach into that bubble or even see it in the first place.
“You found it,” the woman repeated. “Who are you?”
What a good question. Even now, I had trouble answering it. Oswin usually did it for me, and he didn’t fail in the task now.
“You’re speaking to Raimie, the rightful claimant to the Audish throne.”
Grimacing, I jerked a thumb at the entryway.
“What he said.”
The woman reached under her blanket, but before she could withdraw whatever weapon she had hidden there, I grabbed her wrist.
“Please don’t,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt you, and if we fought and you did manage to kill me, I wouldn’t envy you when my soldiers discovered what you’d done.”
I retrieved Shadowsteal from the speechless woman, letting her keep her knives.
“Now. Your daughter tells me that you won’t leave this place for a proper home in the city,” I said. “Why?”
“The city dwellers are Kiraak lovers, content with Doldimar’s-”
I shook my head. There had been way too much heat in her voice with that answer, and she'd spouted it off near instantly, without thinking. I sincerely doubted it was the real reason she wouldn’t leave.
“Nope. Why?”
“You ordered the move and I-”
Again, a head shake.
“Why?”
“This is my home! Mine and Adavrel’s!”
Ah… there it was.
“Adavrel? Your partner?” I asked and when she nodded. “Tell me about them.”
The woman shrank on herself.
“Why?” she said, flinging the question back at me. “Why does it matter if I leave this place or stay? What do the ghosts of the past have to do with this hardship you've asked of me?”
“I only want to understand,” I said, spreading my hands.
Pursing her lips, the woman considered me, and when her words next came, they sounded dragged from her.
“Adavrel was wonderful, the best father and husband. He was so brave…”
Falling quiet, the woman looked away.
“When they took him to the pits for the fights, he tried to get away. Killed a few before they overwhelmed him,” she continued with her voice heavy. “I don’t know what happened to him in that awful place, but when he came home to us, he was different. We ignored it at first, simply counting our blessings. Usually, no one comes home from the fights but-”
She stopped, turning rigid, but I said nothing, afraid to interrupt her deluge of words now that it had begun.
“They’d turned him Kiraak,” she whispered. “He tried to kill us all, got our youngest before I could put him down.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“You can take your sorry and shove it up your-”
“The pit’s gone.”
Caught off guard, it took the woman a moment to collect herself.
“Gone?”
I nodded.
“How?” she asked before chopping at the air. “Doesn’t matter. I’d dearly love to see its ruins.”
“Maybe you soon will,” I said. “In the meantime, tell me about Adavrel from before the pit. Tell me about the life you built together.”
“You’d… be interested in that?” she asked.
“Of course.”
Why wouldn’t I be?
Finally, she fell quiet with her story far from over, but overwhelmed, she couldn’t continue.
“Why do you care?” she asked.
“I-”
Why did they keep asking me this?
“You’ve suffered enough,” I said. “I’d hear about it so that I know how to help you.”
“But I’m one among many,” she said, playing with her blanket’s hem. “Why me out of all the Audish?”
Frowning, I cocked my head. Wasn’t the answer to her question obvious?
“Because every Audish citizen deserves my care and attention,” I said. “Gods willing, I’ll have time for you all.”
She squeaked, quickly snapping her mouth shut, and I wondered how I should continue with this conversation.
“Sir,” Oswin called. “Rhylix is here.”
Oh, thank Alouin. I could continue from there.
“Rhylix is my friend. May he join us?” I asked.
She inclined her head, and without further prompting, Rhylix came inside. He had to duck—the hovel had a low ceiling—while looking for another stool.
“You called?” he said on sitting.
“Sorry to drag you out here,” I say. “Considering how long you were taking up there, I know you’ve were probably sulking in the palace again.”
“I haven’t been-!”
Rhylix groaned, lifting his eyes skyward.
“What do you want, Raimie?”
“How do you do it?” I asked. “The Restorations, I mean.”
Rhylix fell still with his face going blank.
“Why do you want to know?” he asked.
I gestured at the woman in her bed.
“An infirmity is obviously keeping her there,” I said. “I’d say it’s the real reason she didn’t evacuate with her family. Couldn’t stand the humiliation, not after a life of such strength.”
I met the woman’s gaze.
“Because I’m sure she knows that Adavrel’s memory lives on with his family, not an inanimate building.”
Grimacing, the woman sighed, throwing her blanket back and revealing the shriveled legs beneath.
“His parting gift,” she spat.
At the sight, Nylion, long retreated in his maelstrom of resentment, returned with a splash.
“We cannot assume this injury!” he shouted at me. “It will see us as immobilized like she is.”
Much as I longed to greet my other half, I ignored him, fixing my eyes on my friend.
“You’ll try to do it whether I teach you or not, won’t you?” Rhylix asked.
“What do you think?” I said.
Rhylix bit his lip before releasing a breath.
“No,” he said. “That’s one Ele skill I won’t teach you.”
He touched the woman, and while renewed muscles inflated her legs, Rhylix grunted. I caught a glimpse of his atrophied limbs before white light masked them. While the woman curiously touched her own restored legs, I again confronted my friend.
“That wasn’t what I wanted,” I hissed.
“I know,” Rhylix said, rubbing his calves.
His tone had me surveying him. Sturdy boots. Plain clothes. His trusty coat’s pockets stuffed to bulging. A previously unseen pack hanging from his shoulders. This wasn’t merely the single item that Rhylix had claimed he’d be retrieving earlier.
“You’re leaving,” I said.
Rhylix glanced up before returning his gaze to his Restored legs.
“Yes.”
I clenched my hands in my lap. Much as I’d suspected that might be what he’d say, I…
“Why?” I asked.
“I have to find Doldimar,” Rhylix said. “He’s not gone for good. You and I know it. I want to locate him before he returns with a vengeance.”
“And you didn’t plan on bringing me with you?” I growled.
Hell, what was this heat, turning a dark room bright red?
“You have Auden to care for now,” Rhylix said. “I can’t steal you from it.”
“But I’m not-” I snapped.
“Remember where you are, sir,” Oswin called from outside.
Pressing my lips together, I glanced toward the woman Rhylix had fixed. She must not have realized what had happened to her, or maybe she simply found our discussion more interesting. With her chin in her hands, she was scrutinizing me and Rhylix as if we were the most scintillating entertainment that she’d experienced in ages. Ignoring her was difficult, but I managed it, using the weight of her gaze to keep heat from rising in me again.
“Did you mean to tell me?” I asked.
Rhylix shook his head.
“I meant to check on you before going,” he said, “but I thought it would be easier on you if I disappeared into the night.”
“It wouldn’t! Gods, Rhy, I’d-”
I crushed the words I wanted to say.
“When will you come home?” I asked instead.
“In a month or two? I don’t know,” Rhylix said. “Don’t worry. I mean to check in when I can.”
“You’d better,” I said, “or I swear to Alouin and the gods, I will find you and drag you back here.”
Whirling away from my friend, I stood, offering the woman a hand.
“May I help you to your feet?” I asked.
If she’d heard the threat I’d leveled at Rhylix, the woman pretended like she hadn’t, making a face instead.
“Please. I haven’t gotten out of bed in years,” she said. “My condition won’t let me do it.”
So, even if she’d noticed her Restoration, she hadn’t accepted it yet.
“Please, mistress. Trust me in this one thing,” I said. “If I’m wrong, I’ll leave you in peace.”
“Since you put it that way.”
When the woman snatched my hand, Rhylix helped her swing her legs over the bedside. He steadied her elbow, and I pulled her to her feet. As we retreated until she was standing by herself, something on her face changed. She threw a hand over her open mouth with trembling fingers.
“I’m…” she breathed before taking a step.
She shrieked, an expression of pure joy, and I smiled. Outside, her daughter shouted for her, and on rushing into the hovel, she stopped short at the sight of her mother standing. After a moment, they stumbled into one another’s arms, clinging to each other and sobbing.
I snuck around them, followed by Rhylix. When the hot afternoon sun caressed my skin, I sighed. Now, if only I could escape before they tried to thank me or my friend.
Rhylix first, though.
“Are you sure you won’t stay?” I asked. “Help others like we just did?”
“I have to go,” Rhylix said.
Hell, I wanted to shake my friend into seeing how much I needed him, but I couldn’t let him leave with anger lingering between us. Turning, I gathered him in my arms, clapping his back before releasing him.
“See you soon?” I said.
“I’ll see you soon.”
White light flashed, chasing the tall Eselan as he raced at impossible speeds down the alley, and chewing on my lip, I watched Rhylix go until I saw no further traces of him. I could do this without my friend. I could.
Once I’d gathered myself, I headed in the direction opposite Rhylix. I’d give the women and children half a mark to leave this shantytown before spreading my Daevetch net.
“That was well done, sir,” Oswin said at my side before hissing.
When he reached for his shoulder, a twinge speared through me. Right. My friend’s wound, taken for me.
Abruptly, I veered to the side of the alley, pointing at the dirt.
“Sit,” I said.
Since it wouldn’t violate his role as my bodyguard, Oswin followed my order, and I joined him on the ground. Unwinding the spy’s dressing, I winced at the gash beneath.
“What are you doing?” Oswin asked.
“Trying something new,” I said. “Just… hush. And stay still.”
Well? I asked my splinters.
They’d know what I wanted.
“Hmm,” Bright said. “Eriadren calls using Restoration ‘Letting Go’, but I don’t think that analogy will work for you. You don’t have the aspect beneath your skin, chomping at the bit to be freed. For you… imagine his shoulder as it should be. Unbroken. Smooth. Then, will its return to that state. And prepare.”
For Oswin’s injury on me?
“For his injury on you,” Dim confirmed. “Are you sure-?”
Yes. No protests from you, Nyl?
“We owe him.”
Short and terse. Like Nylion’s mood had been toward me lately. How long would we remain estranged?
“Until Eledis, Marcuset, and Gistrick receive their due punishment,” Nylion snapped.
And he disappeared, retreating to our shared dream again. Rolling my eyes, I pressed a hand to Oswin’s shoulder.
“Sir, what are you-?” the spymaster started.
I tuned out my surroundings. All that mattered was how badly I wanted to see Oswin whole. How much I’d sacrifice for it. I reached for Ele, felt it form over my hands, felt it flow into my friend, and silently breathed my plea.
Pain stabbed into my shoulder, and I released Oswin to reach at it. Gods, it hurt, but seeing the spy’s skin returned to perfection made me smile. Even the scar he’d always carried had vanished without a trace-
With Nylion anxiously hovering at my shoulder, I pull the knife out of Oswin’s shoulder, tossing it to the side. At my friend’s hiss, I reach for a length of gauze, wincing at the sight of the wound.
“That’s a lot of blood,” I say.
I wrap bandaging up and over Oswin’ shoulder before circling it around his chest.
“You don’t usually state the obvious,” Oswin says through gritted teeth. “New habit?”
“Oh, hush.”
I tighten the last wrap harder than necessary, and Oswin grunts, making Nylion wince.
“Was that necessary? We have already hurt him enough…” my other half whispers before a look of concentration takes hold of his face. “Or… is this a friendship thing? Do friends do this to one another?”
With a half-smile, I rock my head back and forth with a slight shrug, and Nylion looks between me and Oswin.
“I want to meet him,” he says. “Can I, Raimie? Please?”
Glancing up at him, I cock my head before shrugging again.
“Oo!”
Jumping in place, Nylion excitedly patters his hands together with his eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in weeks.
“I cannot wait!”
“You’re doing that thing where you go absent again,” Oswin says.
Blinking, I focus on my friend.
“Sorry,” I say. “I don’t like seeing you hurt. Got me… thinking.”
“Well, stop doing that,” Oswin says. “Thinking’s what got a knife sticking out of my shoulder in the first place. You have to rely on instinct, Raimie. Instinct and muscle memory.”
Standing, he returns to his place in front of the archery target.
“Care to try again?” he asks. “Or does a royal not have it in them to play with knives? Are you too good for this, Raimie? Too high and mighty-”
Without getting up, I snatch the knife that I pulled out of Oswin off of the floor, tossing it at him again. It plunges into the target mere inches above his head, letting hair strands float to the ground.
Beaming, Oswin slowly claps.
“That’s more like it, YOUR MAJESTY.”
Oswin’s once cheery face clashed with his current look of fury.
“You don’t do that, sir. I’m you bodyguard for fuck’s sake!” he snarled. “It’s my job to take knives for you, not for you to take my wounds.”
“Friends don’t let friends get stabbed,” I mumbled.
Pain was making my mind foggy: pain from my shoulder and pain from the Ele raking along the underside of my skin. For once, I decided not to fight it. I deserved it, after all. I deserved it and more.
As if he hadn’t heard me, Oswin shook his head.
“I need to get you out of the city,” he said to himself. “Give you a task engaging enough to take your mind off of Ren. For a while, capturing Elisk seemed to be enough but…”
Look! Oswin was still watching out for me. Even after all these years. Even after how long I’d treated him like a stranger. Didn’t matter that I’d called him my friend before the beach battle, months ago. I’d still treated him like an unknown back in…
“I see Daira sometimes, Oswin,” I said. “Are those memories real or-?”
Oswin smacked me. Hard.
“Ow!” I yelped, raising a hand to my cheek.
“Sorry,” Oswin said.
He didn’t look it.
“I was about to tell you that I received a report about sightings of bandits near Vale, a town on the shores of Lake Lorne. In recent weeks, the miscreants have plagued the area so badly that traffic through it has stopped,” he said. “Once you’ve finished with the shantytowns, I thought you could head there. Help them with their problem. What do you think?”
Bandits taking advantage of Doldimar’s absence. If I left Elisk, I could escape the gratitude that I didn’t and would never deserve. Maybe I could lose myself in the task, drowning my troubles in the act of helping people. Like I had with that woman.
“I think it’s a great plan,” I said.
4
The Girl
I deserved this.
Kylorian had gotten in my face with flushed cheeks, but he wasn’t screaming at me. In many ways, I’d have preferred that.
But no. The words that he imparted were cool and collected, even if he looked anything but .
“What were you thinking?” he asked. “After we stopped in Nephiron, I thought you’d learned how deep hatred for the Esela runs in Auden. We’re not in Tiro, where your heritage was tolerated. Here, stepping a toe out of line will get you killed.”
I said nothing. How was I supposed to respond to that?
Shaking his head, Kylorian said, “Now, when Faramede comes in here-”
I let the tirade wash over me, still struggling to understand. Why had the people of Vale gotten so upset by what I’d done? In Tiro…
But we weren’t in Tiro right now. Leaving that city, running away from its many reminders, had been the point of joining my brother on his journey. I’d thought the escape would help, and it had. At first.
Seeing new places and meeting new people had been well and good, healing even, but I’d learned exactly how boring traveling to reach these things could be, and I wasn’t used to idle moments. In the years since Kylorian had taken a more active role in the resistance, organizing and maintaining Tiro’s defenses had run me ragged.
So, when I’d found myself riding alongside my brother with nothing to do but keep my horse’s head pointed the right way, I hadn’t known how to handle it.
Kylorian had refused to help with this. With him having been taciturn and surly since… Hadrion, he hadn’t given me much in the way of conversation. If I’d wanted to talk as we traveled, I’d had to drive us from topic to topic, which had been exhausting. I’d quickly abandoned the effort.
This, however, had left my mind open to wandering, and when that had happened in recent times, the damn thing inevitably turned to the one topic I was desperate to avoid, the reason I’d left Tiro in the first place. Left to its own devices, my mind picked at the scabs of the wound that was Raimie.
It was driving me crazy.
So, when we’d reached Vale, I’d given in to the only method I’d found that could distract me from such things. After accompanying Kylorian to the town’s hall, making sure we were settled for our visit, I’d made an outing to the closest tavern, gotten thoroughly drunk, and set about propositioning every man who’d come through its door. I needed to get Raimie out of my system, and sex, harmless as it was, had seemed like a good way to do it.
The people of Vale hadn’t seen my actions as harmless. They’d thrown me out of the tavern, probably meaning to beat me bloody or string me up, but even drunk as I’d been, I could handle myself. I’d shown them why I was called the Terror of Da’kul.
Fortunately for them, Kylorian had heard our commotion, quickly arriving to drag me off of my assaulters.
“Can you keep your mouth shut while I deal with this woman?” Kylorian said, snapping me back to the present.
…Seriously?
“I’m sorry. Have I been bothering you, Ky?” I asked. “Please. Forgive me for trying to talk to my brother, even if he’s been acting like a brooding bitch for this entire trip.”
Clenching his hands into fists, Kylorian took a deep breath.
“You’re drunk, Ren. If you weren’t, you’d know that now isn’t the time to discuss this,” he hissed. “Let me handle your mistake.”
“Handle my mistake? Alouin, what mistake was that? Asking people for something that I needed?” I snapped. “Sure, you handle that, Ky. Maybe you can do it better than you’ve handled Hadrion’s death.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I smacked a hand to my lips. I had not meant to say that, but there those words were, out in the open, and Kylorian rocked away from me as if I’d loosed a crossbow bolt at him.
“Ky, I- I’m sorry-”
He leapt to his feet, towering over me.
“Like you’ve done a better job?” he roared. “I swear to Alouin, Ren! You’re having a more difficult time getting over Raimie than letting go of our little brother.”
As I gasped, tears pricked at my eyes. Kylorian had had every right to say what he had, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. I blinked, releasing those held tears, but when my vision cleared, I shrank into myself, resting my hands on my weapons.
My big brother was gone. In his place, something… monstrous was standing. With his eyes wild, he leered at me, and a vein in his forehead was throbbing beneath his skin. Tensed, he looked ready to spring at me, and this sight sobered me more quickly than anything else could.
I’d raised my hands to calm him down when the door behind him slammed open.
“All right,” growled the woman in its opening. “Where’s the Eselan whore who-?”
Spinning, Kylorian unsheathed his knife, resting it against the woman’s neck.
“That ‘Eselan whore’,” he hissed, “is with me. You’d do well to remember it.”
Never flinching, the woman said, “Is this how you want to open negotiations? Over bared steel?”
But Kylorian made no move to back down, and I fought to reconcile what I was seeing with what I knew about my big brother.
Kylorian didn’t have a temper. The only time I’d ever seen him visibly angry was when he’d first met Raimie, and that had been a special circumstance, coming home from abject failure as he'd been. Since childhood, he’d been trained to be the perfect diplomat, and now, he was holding a knife to the throat of someone who could only be Vale’s mayor.
What was happening to my big brother?
Cautiously, I laid a hand on his shoulder, and after a moment, he relaxed. Sheathing his knife, he spread his arms.
“You’re right, of course,” he said. “I’d offer you my excuses for this offense, but everyone knows that those are less than worthless. Instead, I’d ask how I can rectify our mistakes.”
As she considered us, the woman tapped her fingers on her legs.
“I’ll think about it,” she said. “For now, get some rest. In the morning, we’ll speak again, when tempers aren’t running so hot.”
She left, and the door swung closed behind her. In the silence, I swallowed. Hard.
“Ky, I’m-” I started.
“Please,” he said.
But his voice had sounded as if it had been dragged through broken glass.
“Please, Ren. Don’t. Go to bed. I’ll sleep against the door. Make sure we don’t receive any other, unwanted guests.”
I drew a breath to retort but thought better of it in the end. Dropping onto our room’s tiny bed, I faced the wall, listening as Kylorian made himself comfortable.
The silence between us had me imagining different circumstances. In them, I begged for his forgiveness, sat beside him to keep watch, railed against him for being such an ass. In the end, though, I didn’t try any of these things. Closing my eyes, I waited for sleep to come.
In the morning, Kylorian and I met with Vale’s mayor, and as she’d said, she had her demand ready for us.
When he heard it, my brother said, “You want us to…”
He trailed off with shock written across his face.
“Clear out a bandit camp,” Faramede repeated. “Seems fair recompense. Your reputation precedes you, sir.”
Slowly shaking his head, Kylorian said, “I’m only one man. The reputation you speak of was built with the help of those under my command, people who haven’t joined me on this journey.”
“Still, it’s what I want,” Faramede said. “The bandits have holed up in a cave near Vale. People are getting robbed before my town’s merchants get their chance at them, and I can’t abide that. Get rid of the bandits, and we can talk about putting you on the throne.”
“Did you not hear a word I said?” Kylorian asked. “You’re demanding an impossible task. Be reasonable. Give me-”
“We can do it,” I said from my corner.
I’d watched the conversation, holding my tongue for as long as I could, but Kylorian was being stupid. He turned to me, peeling his lips back, but I cut him off before he could speak.
“We can do it, Ky,” I said. “Stop being obstinate and give the lady what she wants.”
‘Are you crazy?’ he mouthed at me.
I merely raised an eyebrow. Hissing out a breath, Kylorian whirled on Faramede.
“I accept the task,” he said.
After giving her a short bow, he left the mayor’s office, grabbing my arm as he passed.
“What were you thinking?” he asked.
“I was thinking that Vale is worse off than it seems,” I said. “It was stupid of me to go out last night, I know, but I got a good look at the place while doing that. Vale’s supposed to be a busy trading town. That’s not what I saw last night. The town was dead before my little commotion. These bandits, whoever they are, are strangling Vale. We have to fix the problem, and don’t give me the bullshit that you gave Faramede about being only one man. I’ve seen you carve through dozens of Kiraak by yourself. These bandits will be ordinary men, and you’ve got me.”
I turned a grin on him, but he only met it with disappointment.
“I knew all of that,” Kylorian said. “I was trying to push her into conceding more than forgiveness of our mistakes before accepting the task.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah…”
“Well, now I feel like a dumbass.”
Kylorian snorted.
“Don’t worry, Ren. When it comes to politics, that’s your natural state. You’re much better at other things.”
Hearing that, I smiled. Hell, if he wasn’t right. I was looking forward to doing said ‘other things’ soon.
A clerk gave us the bandits camp’s suspected location, and we quickly rode for it. We approached the cave by foot, and the closer we came, the more prickles ran over my skin.
“This is a bad idea,” I hissed.
“We don’t even know if they’re here,” Kylorian said, “and what was it you said in Vale? We can do it? We can eliminate an entire bandit camp by ourselves?”
I wilted.
“We can,” I insisted.
But uncertainty had been rife in my voice. Smiling, Kylorian snatched my hand, folding his fingers around it.
“I intend to try negotiation first, dummy,” he says. “If that fails, then yes, you were right. We can handle a bandit camp alone.”
“Such confidence.”
An unfamiliar voice in hostile territory had me and Kylorian returning to the training of our youth. We slammed our backs against one another while drawing sword and eshvik alike. Scanning the trees around us, we searched for any movement.
Soon enough, we got it. Men and women slowly advanced on us with their bows drawn.
Alouin, bows. Those would make the fight more difficult, if it came to that. I could radiate illusions of myself outward, throwing the archers’ aim off, but it would cost me. From the number of enemies I’d counted, the energy drain to distract them might knock me on my ass.
“You good?” Kylorian said under his breath.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the enemy’s trembling arms.
“I’ve been expecting you, Kylorian.”
It was the same voice that had started this.
“Why did you keep me waiting?”
How did he know my brother’s name?
“If you trying to scare me, it’s not working,” Kylorian shouted.
Liar. I could feel him shivering through our point of contact at my back. Not that I could blame him. Fear had me by the throat too.
We waited for someone to make a move, but all was still, save for the wind through the leaves. After what felt like an eternity, Kylorian raised his voice.
“What is this? I made you wait, and now, I must do the same? Seems petty,” he said. “Why don’t we stop with the posturing? Come out and we’ll talk, get you and your men what you need to leave Vale alone.”
Deep laughter rumbled in the clearing.
“Nothing could convince me to do that. You should know better. You’re right, though. It’s about time I revealed myself.”
A man materialized in front of Kylorian, and my brother nearly bowled me over in his attempt to retreat. I swung around him to assess the new threat. Short, slight, the stranger didn’t seem dangerous except for one thing.
His eyes were solid pits of black.
“Enforcer,” I breathed.
Alouin, I was going to die. Both my brother and I. And it was my fault. I might deserve this but Kylorian…
I stepped between the Enforcer and my brother.
“I don’t know why one of you bastards have teamed up with a bunch of human bandits, and I don’t care,” I said. “I volunteer for whatever torments you have planned. Just let my brother go.”
“Oo, it speaks,” the Enforcer said with a giggle.
A hand in the back of my tunic ripped me behind Kylorian, and he stepped toe-to-toe with the Enforcer.
“What do you want?” he hissed.
“I want you to drop your weapons.”
With that prompt alone, Kylorian’s sword fell out of his hand, and he raised the appendage with confusion wrinkling his face.
Confusion ruled me too. Kylorian and I had long ago learned that it was better to die fighting an Enforcer than to surrender to one. Who knew what sort of torture this one had planned for us?
“Now her,” the Enforcer said.
Twirling on his heels, Kylorian marched toward me.
“Ren. Disarm. Now,” he huffed through gritted teeth.
What was wrong with him? I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t fix it until I was free, and that was looking increasingly unlikely.
For a split second, I raised my blades against my brother, but the futility of such a fight saw them lowering.
I deserved this. Enemies surrounding me, an Enforcer threatening my life, my brother coming to disarm me. I deserved to-
No. I didn’t deserve to die. I’d fight. I’d live, and not even my brother could stop me.
I released a dozen illusory copies of myself, making the bandits flinch, but as I turned to run, I saw Kylorian reaching for his knife. I tried to escape him. Before I’d taken two steps, though, the knife’s pommel smacked into the back of my head, and I lost consciousness before I hit the ground.
5
The Boy
For the first time in months, I felt like myself.
My companions and I had left Elisk three days ago, and since then, we’d made good time. Around us, spring was giving way to summer, leaving muggy air to chase us across every mile, but the grass of the plains around us had yet to be scorched, and while muggy it may be, I found that temperature comfortable. It reminded me of summers back home.
It was certainly better than the type of heat I’d encountered in Elisk.
My plan to leave hadn’t been met with favor. In fact, Eledis had shouted at me for my ‘selfish, stupid choice’.
Marcuset had been more respectful with his response, but it had also been disapproving. Their thoughts on the matter, however, hadn’t truly mattered. I’d meant to go regardless of their opinions, only informing them in person to gauge whether I could trust them to keep from stabbing me in the back while I was gone.
Like they had with Nylion.
Gods, every minute that I’d spent with those two had tested my resolve to seek justice for how they’d shut him away instead of revenge. Not only was I fighting my own furious need to make them pay, but Nylion had made his feelings on the matter apparent throughout the meeting. When we’d eventually left, he’d again vanished, thoroughly pissed, and the dried streambed of our bond had become even more parched.
As for my grandfather and Marcuset, once it had become clear that I wouldn’t change my mind, Eledis had asked who would hold Auden together while I was on my ‘flight of fancy’.
“The most qualified person here,” I’d said. “Kaedesa.”
At that, Eledis had burst forth with protestations that I’d only half-listened to. I knew that I couldn’t trust Eledis, but at the same time, I didn’t think he’d attempt a coup while I was gone. No. He’d wait until I’d picked up Auden’s pieces, reassembling them into a unified realm, before trying anything.
So, while Eledis had wheedled and reasoned with me, I’d watched Marcuset. When he’d eventually agreed with my decision about Kaedesa, I’d breathed a sigh of relief. I remembered what he was capable of. Having him as an enemy would not have been fun.
“She’s Raimie’s betrothed, Eledis,” he’d said, “and she’s the queen of Ada’ir. She’s the best choice.”
From there, the only remaining question had been who would go with me on this journey, and boy, if that hadn’t been a struggle.
Glancing at the people around me, I decided I was happy with the compromise we’d eventually reached. Of these five, I’d grown up and trained with three of them, and the other two were pleasant enough, even the little one with his snarky attitude.
Speaking of whom.
Little leaned over to loosely take hold of my horse’s reins, and she stopped with what must have been her thousandth attempt to throw me out of the saddle.
“You know,” he said. “Middle and Ring told me that you were a terrible horseman, but this is worse than terrible.”
“Little,” Oswin grumbled, “You’re speaking to your king. Show some respect.”
“It’s all right. I don’t mind,” I said with a chuckle. “Besides, he’s right. I’m awful with horses.”
Pulling said beast to a stop, I leapt off of her back, greeting the ground with relief, before slapping her flank. I watched her gallop away with a silly grin in place.
“Great,” Little said. “Now, we’ll have to retrieve her. Unless you want us to walk to Vale?”
“Not at all,” I chirped. “Keep your horses.”
“And how do you plan on keeping up with us when you’re on foot?” Thumb asked.
It was a good question, coming from him as it had. Along with the other members of the Hand, Thumb had been scouting since our arrival to Auden, and he hadn’t joined Queen Kaedesa’s Hand until after my family and I had fled Daira. He’d never seen what his proclaimed king could do.
“I rather think that you lot will be the ones struggling to keep up,” I said.
“Alouin damnit all,” Oswin and Ring mumbled in sync.
I was too far down the road to catch more than that. With only slight prickles rising from its use, Ele coursed through me, and once the pace of hoofbeats behind me broke into a gallop, I let loose. I skated over a slippery surface with Ele the gel between me and the ground. As the road’s sporadic trees flashed by, I reveled in the peace and serenity flowing through me.
At some point, the Hand caught up with me, settling into a comfortable canter. I constantly tested them, pushing into a quicker pace or unexpectedly slowing, although I wasn’t trying to escape them with this. It was just a game. Could I evade my Hand? Could they predict what I’d do next? Eventually, even they joined in with the fun, whooping and hollering to one another.
Gone was discipline. Gone was deference. This was simply them pitting their skill with the horses against my skill with primeancy.
Of course, the Hand might still be holding to the discipline that defined them. Perhaps they knew that this game, this fun, was what their monarch needed. Perhaps they realized how desperate I was for a moment spent free of troubles or concern.
The game ended as we were approaching the turn-off for Vale. Wrapped in Ele as I was, I felt the arrival of a Daevetch presence like a gut punch. I stopped short, stumbling to stay on my feet while using an Ele burst to keep from falling on my face.
What had that been? I’d never felt Daevetch from another source, or not this strongly, except…
Is it Doldimar? I asked.
Snorting, Dim said, “Does that feel like the avatar of my whole?”
It was weaker than what I’d felt on first reaching Elisk. If it wasn’t the Dark Lord, then what was-?
“Sir?” Oswin said. “Are you all right?”
“Fine,” I absently replied.
Scanning our surroundings, I looked for anything that might clear up this mystery for me. A tiny homestead lay not far ahead, but other than that and some trees, a sea of grass enveloped us.
“What-?” someone started.
I raised a hand for silence. Something was about to change. I could feel it. A shift in the world’s dynamic, a change in flavor. The peaceful scene I was observing would transform, as it must with a Daevetch clump invading it, and I’d be here when it did. I wished it would hurry, though…
As if summoned, a group of thirty or so people, armed and armored, materialized like ghosts from the trees. They raced for the homestead, quick and quiet, and I unsheathed Silverblade.
“Try to leave a few alive,” I said.
When I took a step forward, Oswin landed in front of me, resting a hand on my chest.
“Wait, sir,” he said. “We don’t know what’s going on. Let’s scout first.”
A scream punctuated his suggestion, which had me raising an eyebrow.
“I think that’s a fairly definitive answer, don’t you?” I asked.
“He’s right, Middle,” Ring said. “Those are clear signs of violence.”
Thumb, Pointer and Little were already casually inspecting their weapons, and at the sight of them, Oswin slumped, surrendering to the inevitable.
“We don’t risk the horses. They’d more quickly end this, but we’ll need them to get back to Elisk,” he said. “Typical formation. Thumb out front, Right and Little watch his back, and Pointer mops up on the fringes. I’ll find the ringleader and subdue them, then come to help once that’s done.”
“And me?” I asked.
“You stand back and watch, sir,” Oswin said. “You’d only get in our way.”
“I-”
Snapping my mouth closed, I reined in my tongue. I had yet to share with the spy that my memories of Daira had returned, unsure if I could. I’d forgotten my original friendship with Oswin and my kinship with the other spies for over nine years. That was…
I didn’t have words for how unforgivable I perceived that transgression, and I needed my Hand. So, I didn’t mention how I’d undergone the same training as Oswin and certainly couldn’t remind my old friend of how many times I’d bested him while sparring during that time.
“If that’s what you think is best,” I said.
At my easy concession, the entire Hand gave me odd looks, but they said not a word while dismounting.
“Watch the horses, Raimie,” Oswin said.
They took off, a deadly band of five against thirty.
Gods, no matter that they were my Hand, they didn’t stand a chance. I had to help, be there to protect them if needed, but Oswin had been right about the horses. If I was going to help, I’d have to take care of them.
I tried the trick that Rhylix had once used on me in Tiro. There, my friend had bound me to a wall with nothing more than Ele at his command. So, I fumbled with that primal force for a bit. The horses shied away from the white light I sent their way, and eventually, I gave up. Shouts and the clash of steel were floating to me from the homestead, proof that the Hand had fallen upon the bandits.
“Gods damnit,” I said. “Stay.”
The horses walked off the road to graze at the grass alongside it.
“Gods damnit!”
Those screams… was that Thumb shouting?
I sprinted toward the homestead, heedless of anything else.
A scene of carnage awaited me there. Bodies were strewn over the dirt with the scent of piss and death already heavy in the air. A little less than twenty bandits were still breathing, facing Thumb, Little, and Ring.
And the spies were a thing of beauty. Every bandit who came to attack them was cut down with the most minimal of effort and motion. Pointer had already eliminated all the enemies who’d had a bow. Thumb had gone into a rage, killing his opponents with his fists alone while Ren and Little kept unseen threats from reaching the big man. Oswin, though…
Oswin was everything a soldier aspired to be. He moved among the enemy as if each was simply an inconvenience to reaching his goal. My friend had grown in the years that I’d been gone from his life.
All in all, I was surprised so many of the bandits were still standing. Seeing my Hand in action, my haste to help them seemed foolish, but I was here now. I might as well do what I could.
When I flung Daevetch at a man sneaking up on Pointer, though, I hissed. On pouring from my source and over my hand, that energy had felt like fire before its release. The consequences of overusing of it while destroying the shantytowns around Elisk must not have faded yet.
Ele it was. I flung myself into the chaos.
Thirty seconds later, it was done, leaving my Hand staring at spots where enemies had once stood. Little was the first to recover. Tearing his eyes off of the mix of unconscious men and corpses around us, he found me off to the side, panting with a faint glow under my skin.
“That’s cheating!” he shouted.
Cocking my head, I said, “I thought you loved primeancy.”
“Not when it makes us norms look like-”
“Cool, competent killing machines? The best at what you do?” I interrupted. “Because that’s what I saw.”
“Uh,” Little said. “I- Huh.”
“Good to know something stuck,” Ring said under her breath.
Nodding agreement, Pointer bent to inspect one of the casualties that I could claim. Meanwhile, Oswin emerged from where he’d ducked into the house.
“I found the-”
He broke off on catching sight of me.
“I thought I told you to stay with the horses.”
“You did,” I said. “I decided not to listen. I won’t stand on the fringes while other people risk their lives. Not when I can help.”
“Raimie…” Oswin said, rubbing at his eyes. “You’re the king. It’s your job to decide when other people’s lives should be put in harm’s way. You choose what goals are worth our sacrifice. You don’t join us in risking danger like that.”
“Except I’m not the king yet-”
“But you are!” Oswin snapped. “Maybe not of Auden. Maybe never of Auden, but you are for the people who followed you across the sea. You can’t keep plunging headfirst into danger like this when they need you. Da’kul, the Birthing Grounds, and Elisk were bad enough but this, a random encounter on a roadside…”
He shook his head. What he’d said made a certain kind of sense, the kind I’d love to argue against but knew that I couldn’t. The worst kind of logic.
To the side, Pointer flashed a hand sign at Oswin, one I’d have missed before the return of my memories.
‘Ease up.’
Gods, I didn’t need Pointer fighting my battles for me. Sighing, I threw my head back with my hands on my hips.
“Fine,” I said. “What were you saying before my presence so rudely interrupted you?”
Silence hung heavy for a time, but Oswin eventually relented in his glaring.
“I found this group’s leader, sir,” he said with a tight voice.
“Then, I should talk to him,” I said. “I can do that, right?’
Oswin held my challenging gaze for the span of three heartbeats before nodding.
“Excellent!” I said. “While I’m doing that, someone should wrangle the horses back together. I’m afraid they may have wandered off after I left them.”
Quiet cursing came from behind me, followed by Thumb offering to tackle the task, and I smiled. If the horses had wandered off, Thumb would get them back on the road. From reports on his activities, I gathered that what he lacked in people skills was more than compensated with how he handled animals. The horses that I might have trouble approaching would come to him like he was a favorite treat, nibbling included.
With one problem handled, I waved toward the house.
“Lead on,” I said.
The home’s interior was small and dark, but it wasn’t dark enough to hide the violence that had taken place here. Two bandits lay in swelling pools of their own blood while a third was sprawled face-down in a corner. The bandit leader, I presumed.
A family was huddled near the door, and when I saw them, I veered from Oswin’s chosen track. As I approached, I heard the telltale wheezing of a dying man emerging from the center of that cluster, which had my pace quickening, and soon enough, I saw what had killed a husband and father.
Several feet of steel had pierced the man through his guts. There was no coming back from such an injury. Even if he was stitched up, the wound would fester and rot from the inside until the man died, screaming for a knife’s mercy.
If Rhylix were here…
But he wasn’t. I was the only one who might save this man’s life.
As Ele came to me unbidden, white light illuminated the room, and Oswin’s fingers pinched into my shoulder, right where the wound that I’d assumed from him was still healing.
“Don’t you dare,” he growled.
I pried his hand off of me.
“I wasn’t planning on healing him in full. Ele has several applications for the sick and wounded,” I said. “Don’t you think you’ve lectured me enough for today?”
I didn’t see Oswin’s reaction, but he didn’t stop me when I leaned over and place a finger near the dying man’s wound. Leaking from me, Ele raced to circle the steel protruding from him, and almost immediately, his wheezing gasps eased up. When clear eyes gazed up at me with a question in them, I shook my head.
“Bricea, take the children outside,” the man said.
“But-”
“Do you want them to see this?” the man said.
Bricea—the wife—flinched, but she nodded. Taking her children’s hands, she headed for the door, stopping before the house’s walls could hide her.
“I love you,” she whispered.
When it emerged, the man’s answering chuckle was broken.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you,” he said. “There’s no need to repeat what we already know.”
With a sob, Bricea darted through the door, and once she had, the man blinked hard, looking away.
Absently, I said, “Make sure they don’t disturb us, Oswin.”
While the spy followed orders, I crouched in front of the man.
“I’m sorry I can’t do more,” I said.
“Don’t waste my time with useless sentiment,” the man said. “Tell me who you are and what you want.”
How… direct.
“My name is Raimie, and I’ve recently arrived in your fair country,” I said. “My people and I were on our way to Vale when we saw these men attacking your home. I want to know why they did it.”
“Recently arrived in…”
Trailing off, the man shook his head.
“These bastards attacked because I refused to pay their ‘protection’ fee. I didn’t spend the better part of my life fighting off Kiraak to pay for protection.”
He spat to the side, mixing blood and saliva. As the light circling his wound began to fade, I reached forward to replenish it, but the man caught my wrist.
“It’s fine. Let the pain come,” he hissed. “You did well, making me coherent enough to get my family out of here. Finish your questions. Quickly!”
I spread my hands wide. It was always best to honor a dying man’s wishes. One never knows when one might be on the other side of that exchange.
“Were these bandits associated with the ones plaguing Vale?” I asked.
“Plaguing Vale?” the man asked, weakly laughing. “Sure, they’re plaguing Vale, just like I’m hale and hearty.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
As the man drew breath to answer, Ele fled from him, and he coughed. He tried to speak again, but I stopped him.
“That’s enough,” I said. “You did well. Thank you.”
“My… family.”
The sudden return of pain must have made the man delirious because almost unseeing, he clutched at my hand.
“Please. My family…”
“They’ll be safe. I promise,” I said.
Drawing my dagger, I ignored my shaking hands. After finding the right spot on the man’s chest, I paused.
Could I do this? I had enough trouble with killing Kiraak. Could I kill someone who was free of Daevetch? Could I murder…?
No. This time, it wasn’t murder. It was a mercy.
“Your name,” I said.
When the man failed to answer, I worried that pain had once more conquered his mind, but after a second, he spoke up.
“Clerindel.”
“Good journey, Clerindel.”
I shoved on my dagger, and after a brief stiffening, a dying man succumbed to what had been stalking him. That was all it took. One thrust and a father, a husband, a brother, a son had died.
Hadrion…
Spinning toward the last living bandit in the room, I stabbed my dagger, wet with Clerindel’s blood, into the bastard’s hand. He woke up with a yell, scrambling backward on all fours once I’d removed my blade. Suppressing a wince, I pulled Daevetch to my hand and held it where the bandit could see.
“Do you know what this is?” I snapped.
The bandit stiffened, and when he spoke, his words emerged tight and tense.
“Some weird magical shit? I don’t know. Never seen its like. Who are you? Why did you stab me?”
I took a slow breath.
“Who am I? Who am I?” I said with a manic laugh. “What an excellent question. You know, before this, I was starting to feel like myself again. That’s long vanished, and once more, I must rely on what other people say I am.
“The fucking destined king of Auden by birthright and foretelling. Gods, my own damn memories can’t agree on an identity. Am I a commoner with no grand life ahead of me or a trainee for Queen Kaedesa’s Hand, groomed to become its spymaster? Even my splinters argue over who I am. A dual primeancer, if you can believe it, stuck between Ele and Daevetch. I am one or possibly all of these. Take your pick.
“As for why I stabbed you, you and your compatriots descended on this homestead with the express purpose of murdering the family who lives here. You accomplished your goal with the head of this household, murdering someone whose only crime was wanting to live a normal life with his wife and kids, and I want to know why.”
Roaring the last bit, I lobbed my contained bolt oof Daevetch at the floor in front of the bandit, and the bastard scrunched up on himself, pressing into the wall.
“We do what we’re told,” he said. “We didn’t want to-”
“Save me the bullshit,” I snapped. “How many more are in your group? Who’s your leader? Where is your base?”
Throughout my questions, the bandit had grown increasingly uncomfortable, and by the time I was done, he was so violently shifting in place that it almost looked like he was sitting on an anthill.
“Please,” he begged. “Please, stop.”
“Please stop?” I said. “Did he ask for mercy before one of you stabbed him through the gut? He had a name, you know. Clerindel. A wife: Bricea. Children.”
Lunging forward, I slapped a shadow-coated hand over the split in the back of the bandit’s hand.
“Answer my godsdamn questions, or I swear to Alouin. I will employ a Vice for the first time in my life.”
“No, please,” the bandit panted, looking off into nowhere. “I did what you said! Please…”
He locked distracted eyes on me.
“Manipulation says to tell you that this one failed.”
As he squeaked on the last word, black lines sprang forth from under his skin. Snatching my hand back, I watched Daevetch swell in the bandit’s body until it broke through his skin and dissipated. The corpse left behind looked like it had been through a grater.
Breathing in the rancid scent of death, I lost control of my stomach, only exiting the house after my shuddering had calmed down. When she saw me, Bricea burst into tears, hovering outside of the door as she had been.
“I- I’m sorry,” I said.
What else did one say to the wife of the man one’s killed?
“I’ll see that you’re taken care of,” I hesitantly said.
Leaping at me, Bricea threw her arms around my shoulders to sob into my neck, and I glared at Oswin, whose sword hovered an inch from her flesh. The spy, however, merely shrugged, sheathing his blade.
"Only doing my job, sir," he breathed.
Bricea hadn’t seemed to notice the danger she’d been in, thank the gods. I patted her back until she drew away, scrubbing at her eyes.
“Thank you,” she said. “I didn’t have the strength-”
She looked away.
There was that unwanted thanks again, but I couldn’t summon my typical irritation with it this time. When Bricea faced me again, I nearly took a step back from the intensity of her gaze.
“Did I hear you right?” she asked. “You’re the one foreseen to save Auden?”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” I said.
“Well, if what you did to that bandit is any indication of your capabilities, I think you’ll make a fine king. I’ll tell my neighbors what I saw, passing the news along if you will,” Bricea said. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Your Majesty, I must tend to my children.”
Turning on her heels, she marched toward the little boys and girls waiting under Pointer and Ring’s watchful eyes.
“What’s she talking about?” Oswin asked. “I was too busy keeping her from entering to pay attention to everything that happened in there.”
“Take a look,” I said, jerking a thumb over my shoulder.
While Oswin investigated, I watched Bricea kneel before her children, gathering them close, just as I watched understanding pass over their faces. Their reactions to the knowledge of a parent’s death were varied. Two of them burst into tears, one pestered her mother with questions, and one stalked off by herself.
“Did- did you do this?” Oswin asked behind me.
“The man with a sword in him is my work. I couldn’t let him suffer. So, I used Ele to ease his pain while asking what questions I could before stabbing him so he’d have a quick death,” I said. “The bandit? Not me.”
Oswin released a long sigh before coming to stand beside me.
“Who, then?” he said. “Or what?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “The bandit mentioned Manipulation, which is a Daevetch aspect. That tells me that a splinter is involved, which means an Enforcer is too. We never saw them in Elisk or anywhere else on the way. Maybe Doldimar has spread them across the kingdom to do his work.”
“Alouin, I hope not. Can you imagine?”
Both of us shuddered at the idea.
“There’s more,” I continued. “Clerindel, the father, said something about Vale before he died.”
“Something?” Oswin asked with an eyebrow raised.
“It was vague, but it gave me reason to believe that things in the town aren’t what they seem.”
“Great.”
Laughing, I shoved Oswin.
“Like we haven’t faced worse together,” I said.
“That we have.”
Thumb strolled into the scene of carnage with four horses behind him, and throwing his hands into the air, Little rushed to him.
“Finally! Took you long enough,” he said. “Did you stop to analyze the pattern of every tree along the road?”
Thumb narrowed his eyes at Little.
“Why would I care about nature’s patterns?” he asked. “Humanity’s patterns are the only ones worth my time.”
“Are you kidding me?”
As they continued bickering, I drank it in. Despite the tragedy and death found here, this, the camaraderie found between those closest to me, reminded me of who I was. When I was with them, I felt like myself.
“Ready, sir?” Oswin asked. “Vale awaits us.”
“Let’s go.”
6
The Girl
For the first time in months, I felt alive.
The bandits had taken Kylorian. I’d woken up alone and in shackles that had been pinned to the wall. In fact, my shoulders’ screaming protests had dragged me from sleep in the first place, and as soon as my disorientation had dissipated, I’d joined in with their screaming, shouting for someone to release me or tell me where my brother was.
Someone must have gotten tired of my racket because not long ago, a man had come to free me from my shackles. He’d punched me before doing it, eliminating any chance for me to escape and then, had left me in my locked room.
I’d been sitting in this improvised prison cell for hours with worry gnawing at me. Where was Kylorian? Why had the Enforcer begun his ‘hospitality’ with my brother? What torments had he already endured?
And why, for the love of Alouin, had he submitted to the bastard in the first place? I kept playing the scene of our capture in my mind. From the moment the Enforcer had arrived, Kylorian’s behavior had changed. Before, he’d been his normal, if a bit broodier, self.
Afterward, he’d gone complacent, yielding.
My big brother didn’t take orders, especially not from an Enforcer. He gave them, and he was the most argumentative son of a bitch I knew… except for when he was with Tanwadur, but I couldn’t see how our adoptive father was anything like one of the evil, son of a bitch Enforcers.
What could have so thoroughly changed my brother? I had my theories, each more terrifying than the last, but when they flung Kylorian into the cell with me, those theories were forgotten.
“Ky!” I shouted.
While I dropped to my knees beside my adoptive brother, the cell door slammed shut and was latched, but I hesitated before touching him.
They’d stripped him down to his smallclothes, and over every inch of exposed flesh, a mottled red color was spreading with only his head spared from the beating. Where could I lay a hand without hurting him?
Groaning, Kylorian rolled to his back.
“Help me up,” he whispered.
Leaping to my feet, I hauled my brother to his own. He winced the whole way, but once he was upright, he stumbled to the door, beating his fist against it.
“I’m still standing, assholes,” he shouted with a ragged voice. “I’m still-”
All at once, the fight left him, and he collapsed.
“Alouin, it doesn’t matter,” he said. “Eventually, they’ll win. They always do.”
“Don’t say that, Ky,” I said. “We’ll escape. I’m the Terror of Da’kul. You’ve been hailed king for years. We can take a few bandits.”
After I was done, Kylorian’s shoulders shook for so long that when laughter eventually burst from him, it sent goosebumps racing over my skin.
“Don’t infect me with your optimism,” he said. “It will only make our ends more painful.”
I reeled back. This defeatism… it wasn’t my brother, and seeing it, banished theories and suspicions crept back into my mind.
“You’re not the brother I know,” I whispered. “My brother would fight, tooth and nail, until death dragged him under. He would never surrender, even to an Enforcer, but the man before me has defied those expectations. Which makes me wonder, who are you, Ky?”
I waited for a moment in a tense silence before voicing my worst fear.
“Did someone ensnare you in a Vice while you were on your recent trip? Are you a Kiraak now?”
Kylorian shot his head up with a snarl fixed upon his face.
“Do you see Corruption under my skin?” he snapped. “If an Enforcer had put me in a Vice on my travels, that horrible stuff would have spread across my body by now. You know this. You’ve seen newly born Kiraak and how short of a time it takes for black vines to cover them. And in my recent spat of fun with our Enforcer captor, my skin wasn’t breached, or can you not see that? Also, I’ve never met Doldimar. You know? The only one who can make Alouin damned Kiraak!”
“I-”
Swallowing hard, I stopped, working to find my voice.
“I know, but I have no other explanation for the changes I see in you.”
With heat in his voice, Kylorian said, “We’ve been growing distant for years, Ren. That’s what happens when I have to follow Dury’s crazy plans all across Auden and you get stuck at home. Over time, people do change. Maybe you haven’t noticed the changes in me because I’ve been gone so often recently.”
Shaking my head, I started pacing in front of him.
“No,” I whispered. “This isn’t some gradual change, taking place over the years. This is something sudden, something that’s happened since Hadrion died. Is that it? Did Had-had’s passing make you realize how vulnerable we are?”
“Don’t you speak to me about Hadrion! Not when you-”
Kylorian choked on the words that I knew he’d been wanting to scream since returning from the Birthing Grounds, and I was sick of it hanging over us. If we died here at the hands of a sadistic Enforcer, wasn’t it best to clear the air between us?
I missed the brother I’d grown up with, teased and played with, and trained beside. Who along with Hadrion and Eliade, had been my source of support after Josenik left me with a mistake in my womb.
So, I snapped, “When what, Ky? When I love the man you blame for Hadrion’s death? Why do you blame him? I’ve heard the tale of the Birthing Grounds from multiple sources. I know how Hadrion died, and from what I’ve heard, Raimie can’t be blamed for what happened. In fact, he did everything he could to save Hadrion, including offering to take our brother’s place as the Enforcer’s captive. Before the Birthing Grounds, you two seemed to have found some common ground. You looked like you might have become friends! So, tell me, Ky. What possible reason could you have for this sudden dislike? Why-?”
“Alouin, Ren! How can you be so oblivious?"
As Kylorian's shout rang in our cell, I barely had enough time to suddenly know that I didn't what to hear what he was going to say next, but I was helpless to do anything but that.
"It's like you push away everything that you don't want to see, both the relatively tame and the absolutely horrible shit going on all around you," Kylorian said. "I tell you so much, but you refuse to read between the lines, to see what I’ve been both hiding from you and silently screaming for you to notice. You've never seen what he's done to me for all these years but-”
A cough cut him off. I stared as he squeezed his eyes closed before continuing in a whisper.
“No. Let’s not talk about that. Let's talk... let's talk about Raimie."
Opening his eyes, Kylorian directly met mine.
"You’re wrong, ok?" he said. "It took me a while to realize it, but Raimie is a good man, and if nothing else, I admire him. I certainly don’t hate him or blame him for Hadrion, like you’ve suggested. I don't like how he ended things between the two of you, especially when I…”
He clenched and unclenched his hands, all while I cocked my head. How Raimie had ended things with us? He hadn’t-
Huffing out a sigh, Kylorian crossed his arms, standing so abruptly that I took a step back with my focus still fixed on him. He took hold of my shoulders, barely stopping himself from shaking me.
“I swear, Ren. I’ve done what I can to show you how I feel, even repressed it when that was what you needed, but damnit, how can you not fucking see it, even now?”
I rocked away from him. The fierce look on my brother's face scared me. I’d never seen him like this, and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. I wanted to say the words that would calm him down, that would make this scorching heat between us die, but my traitor mouth refused to oblige me.
“See what?” I whispered.
Kylorian wordlessly shook his head before hiding his face in his hands.
“I-”
The cell door creaked open, making me and Kylorian tense as a bandit stepped inside. He gestured at me with a drawn knife.
“Your turn,” he said.
Lurching forward, Kylorian stumbled between the bandit and me.
“That wasn’t the deal.”
Chuckling, the bandit said, “You think an Enforcer would keep any promises he made with you?”
Of course not. The only Enforcer known to do such a miraculous thing had been Teron, and even he’d been erratic on which promises he kept.
“I won’t let you take her,” Kylorian hissed.
With an eyebrow raised, the bandit looked him up and down.
“I doubt you could stop me,” he said. “Sit down before I have to hurt you.”
I tugged on my brother’s shoulder, shaking off the intensity of our previous conversation.
“It’s all right, Ky. I’ll be fine.”
Whirling toward me, Kylorian shouted in my face.
“It is not ‘all right’. I-”
Crossing the space between them, the bandit smashed his knife’s pommel into the back of Kylorian’s head, my brother dropped to the ground, and I retreated from the two, hissing.
“You want me to hurt you too?” the bandit asked.
Standing there, unarmed and with my brother lying at an enemy’s feet, the seconds slowed to a crawl with the pound of my blood filling my ears. This was living. Balancing on the razor’s edge, toeing the line between mortal peril and manageable danger. The choices made in these moments not only determined someone’s survival but also defined who they were.
This moment carried one, real question: could I take the bandit? If I attacked and won, I could call myself courageous. If I didn’t, deciding to wait for a better opportunity instead, I could call myself wise.
Impulsivity had only hurt me in the past. Better to bide my time.
Crouching, I checked Kylorian’s pulse before striding for the door.
When the bandit hesitated to follow me, I said, “Why aren’t we leaving yet? Let’s not keep our host waiting.”
I left before he could recover. He’d catch up soon enough.
Play the game. I’d never participated in one so deadly before, but I knew how to do it. No rules, only me, an Enforcer, and my own cleverness. A game where one misstep would see me dead.
As the bandit trotted to get ahead of me, I hummed to myself. Rushing forward to test my mettle against one of Doldimar’s Enforcers, I’d never felt more alive.
It didn’t matter that the bastard would likely beat me black and blue in this first round. I could handle that. The opening salvo wouldn’t matter in the long run because eventually, I’d find a chink in the armor of those holding me captive, and when I did, I’d worm my way out of here.
Either that, or I’d take Hadrion’s route, denying the Enforcer his pleasure. However this turned out, I’d win.
7
The Boy
I’d never met a more intimidating woman.
With her laughing eyes and bored demeanor, Faramede reminded me of another woman from long ago, and the memory of her locked my tongue up, dragging my eyes to the floor. It also drew Nylion from wherever he’d been hiding in our head.
“I do not like her,” he said.
Having popped into view beside me, he shot daggers at Vale’s mayor, and somehow, I managed to conceal my flinch. Nylion’s ability to visibly manifest hadn’t settled for me yet, even if I welcomed the change with open arms.
She reminds me of our mother, I said.
“Yes…” Nylion hissed. “Hence my dislike.”
The intensity of my other half’s feelings for the woman who’d birthed us washed across our bond again, and feeling it, I gritted my teeth. The reason behind those feelings was a mystery I had yet to solve. True, she’d been one of the people who’d torn us apart, but she’d also died years ago, in some small part because of us. I’d released my hatred of her in the moment I’d learned what she’d done to us. Why hadn’t Nylion?
Then again, Nylion had always been the more vengeful one of us.
We should give her a chance before judging her, I said. She leads Vale, and Vale apparently carries significant sway in Auden.
“Curse Oswin and his incredible ability to know the answers to the most obscure of questions,” Nylion said.
Chuckling, I poured affection into our bond, and when Nylion accepted it, my heart soared.
Don’t return to wherever you were hiding. Please. Stay with me. I need-
“Do you find my people’s plight amusing?” Faramede asked, cold as ice.
Blinking, I dragged my attention to the mayor’s office. Gods. Alone again with a woman who wanted to make me cower.
“Not at all,” I said through a fixed smile. “It was only an aberrant thought. My apologies. You were saying?”
Faramede seemed to find my excuse insulting, but she didn’t remark on it.
“I was explaining that other parties have claimed the task within their capabilities,” she said instead. “In fact, one such party left only a few days ago. Why would your group be any different?”
“Does it matter if we have what it takes?” I asked. “We’re willing to tackle your bandit problem for you. If we can't handle it, you lose nothing, and if we succeed, so much the better for us both.”
“Fair enough,” Faramede said. “What form of payment would you like if you complete the task?”
Pausing, I furrowed my brow.
“Payment?”
Beside me, a laughing fit bowled Nylion over, leaving him slapping at his knees, and even confused as I was, I watched my other half with a glow in my heart. I liked seeing Nylion happy.
Faramede frowned at me.
“…For services rendered?” she said.
“Services…” I said. “Oh. I don’t want anything. I’m just happy to help, but I suppose if you insist on a reward…”
What should I request? The one thing that I wanted above all else was forevermore beyond my reach, and besides that, did it matter what I wanted? I’d already get that with the distraction that Vale’s problem had presented me with. So, how did I respond to the question of payment?
“You can ask the people with me what they’d like if you want,” I said. “As for me, all I want is to see Vale and the rest of Auden at peace. So as payment for ridding you of these bandits, you can promise that you’ll govern your people well.”
For the first time since I met her, Faramede cracked a smile, making me shiver.
“That’s… kind of you. I’ll be sure to ask your companions as well,” she said. “Feel free to make use of the guest rooms in town hall until you’re ready to depart. When will that be?”
With something rising in me as if to a challenge, I matched her smile. It banished the ants crawling over my skin, an instinctual response to a perceived threat.
“I couldn’t say,” I drawled. “We’ll need time to prepare first.”
“Of course,” Faramede said. “Take all the time you need.”
And it was gone. Whatever had triggered my danger reflex vanished, leaving me more than a little disoriented.
“Anything else?” I asked.
At her negative, I marched for the door, ready to put something between me and her, but as I reached for the knob, Faramede cleared her throat.
“If I may,” she said. “Tales of your agreement with your distant kin, Kylorian, have reached us, even here. Ever since hearing of it, I’ve had a question I’ve wanted to ask, but with no way of getting an answer, I’d resolved to remain curious about it. Then, you appeared on my doorstep.”
When she failed to continue, I glanced over my shoulder at her.
“Your question?” I asked.
“I understand Kylorian’s reasons for contesting the throne,” Faramede said. “Considering how indoctrinated those of us exposed to Tiro’s rebellion have been to the idea of him as king, it makes sense that the man himself would think the title was his by right, but what’s your reason? Why do you want the throne?”
Oh. Was that all she wanted to know?
Chuckling, I said, “I don’t want it. If you’ll excuse me.”
Yanking the door open, I practically sprinted away from the office, flashing down corridors until I’d reached the room that had been assigned to my people. When I slammed that door closed behind me, collapsing against it, Little and Ring glanced up at me from their game of cards.
“I don’t know what’s wrong in Vale,” I gasped, “but whatever it is, that woman is a part of it.”
Stepping in front of me, Nylion gently nudged my chin until I met his eyes.
“It is ok. She is not here,” he said. “Are you sure you are not simply reacting to her resemblance to our mother?”
“For a second, I felt Daevetch on her,” I told him. “It was only there for a moment, gone as soon as I noticed it, but it was there.”
“Hmm.”
Furrowing his brow, Nylion stepped aside, hugging his chest with one arm, and with him out of the way, I could see the spies behind him. They were on their feet, giving me odd looks, and I tried to swallow, even with my mouth dry.
“If that’s what you felt, then we should watch her,” Ring said. “In the meantime, are you well, sir? You’re shaking like a leaf.”
She approached me as if I were a wild animal, and at the sight, a memory careened into me from out of nowhere.
I stumble into the barracks set aside for potential Hand members, although I have no clue why I’ve come here. I don’t have a bunk in this place but when that woman earlier had…
I can’t go home yet.
“Little Raimie,” Silivren sleepily mumbles. “What are you doing…?”
She trails off as I tumble to my hands and knees. I can still see a fist coming for my face…
My stomach heaves, soon followed by sickening coughs that fill the barracks. Is anyone else here? Bad enough that Silivren is witnessing this, but if any of the others see…
Shaking, I crawl to a corner and curl into a ball, making myself as small as possible. With my head buried in my arms, I listen as Silivren crawls out of bed and cleans up my mess, but all I can see is that fist, and I can’t move to help. I’m trembling too hard.
Beside me, Nylion makes no move to touch me, although he crouches to where I can see him. Just letting me know he’s there.
“I am sorry,” he quietly says. “I did not catch it in time.”
Why is he apologizing? I’m the one who should do that. I failed the- failed the-
“You were doing our weekly check-in with the thieves guild heads, weren’t you?” Silivren whispers.
Lifting my head takes all my strength, so I only raise it to where my eyes can peek over my arms. Silivren is crouched opposite me, spreading her arms as she slides one foot my way.
“What happened?” she asks. “Did one of the guild heads make a move on you?”
I can’t bring myself to speak. Maintaining eye contact with Silivren makes a voice, distinctly feminine, screech in my head.
“Don’t hurt me! Please, don’t hurt me!”
Considering those words are all that’s filling my thoughts, what would happen if I opened my mouth?
Silivren slides another foot forward.
“Was it the Jackals?” she breathes.
Sucking in a breath, I tense.
“You don’t frighten me, boy.”
Faster than I can track, her fist shoots out, and I fall to the ground, skittering out of her office before my brain can catch up.
“Raimie,” Silivren says, “I’m going to hug you now.”
She drapes her arms around my shoulders, creating a prison of flesh, and for a moment, I become stone. As she strokes my arms, though, my paralysis gradually weakens.
“I don’t know why I was so panicked when she hit me,” I say into her skin. “I’ve taken worse while sparring. Hell, you’ve hit me harder than she did.”
Chuckling, Silivren tilts my chin toward her.
“The difference is that you trust me not to hit you harder than you can take. Because I never would, Raimie. I never would.”
Why was Silivren… Ring approaching me like she had back then? As if triggered by the memory, I felt my heartbeat leaping in my veins, my lungs pumping like a bellows, and the shudders racing over me. Why was I having such a hysterical reaction to Faramede, a seemingly harmless woman?
Easing away from the door, I took a few deep breaths, and my body’s heightened awareness slowly ticked back to normal levels. Nodding to me, Ring flopped onto a bed.
“So, we watch Faramede,” she said. “What else?”
“Middle, Pointer, and Thumb have already left to investigate the town,” Little said. “Our orders were to wait for you, and it sure took you long enough to finish with that mayor lady. I’m bored. So, tell me we’re doing something fun now. Sir.”
“That depends,” I said. “Are you old enough to drink?”
Pouting, Little crossed his arms.
“I’ve been drinking ale since I was six,” he says.
“That might explain why you act like such a moron sometimes,” Ring said under her breath.
“Hey!”
“Stop,” I said, even as I grinned. “Well, if your age won’t be a problem, Little, then it’s time for us to partake in a spy’s most time-honored tradition, finding the nearest tavern and getting drunk off our asses.”
I hadn’t meant for us to get literally drunk, but that was what Little appeared to be doing.
“Another,” the spy said, slurring his words as he tapped on the bar top.
Once his mug was refilled, he weaved toward the group of new friends that he’d made in the last hour, and I watched him all the while.
Sipping at her own drink, Ring said, “Don’t worry. He’s not nearly as drunk as he looks. Of the five of us, Little’s always had the greatest tolerance for this piss.”
“I wasn’t worried,” I said.
“Sure,” Ring said with an eyeroll. “You and Middle get the same look in your eye when you think someone’s in over their head. Look at him, sir. How often has he dodged one of those other sodden fools, trying to trip into him? This is Little’s element. Let him enjoy it.”
Raising two fingers, she got the barkeep’s attention, and he slid her more wine. Glancing at the empty glasses in front of her and remembering all of Little’s refills, I licked my lips.
“I probably should have thought of this before now,” I said, “but how are we paying for this?”
Ring snorted into her drink, slamming it down on the bar top to giggle into her hands.
“Alouin, sometimes I forget how bad you are with money,” she said. “We have coin, sir, and if we don’t have enough for what we’ll drink tonight, I have other forms of payment.”
Fluttering her eyes, Ring leaned over the bar with her tunic’s neckline gaping until the barkeep approached her.
“My drinking companion here is being such a bore,” she said. “Will you get him another brandy so he can be on his way? I have much more delightful prospects in mind for tonight.”
She ran her eyes up and down the barkeep’s body, and flushing, he hurried to fill her order. Exchanging my empty glass for a full one, Ring leaned in for a parting kiss on my cheek.
“Stay inside, sir,” she said. “Middle won’t be happy with me if I lose you tonight.”
Whirling back toward the barkeep, she resumed flirting with the poor man, and dazed, I pushed and shoved my way toward an empty chair. I’d always known the members of my Hand were good, even when my memories of them had been locked behind a spell, but this was my first time seeing them in the field in a while. They’d steal Vale’s secrets, and none of its citizens would be the wiser.
Meanwhile, I was left to drink alone, and while the brandy was good and the tavern cheery, I couldn’t stop my thoughts from turning to what or rather, who I could never have.
“-Eselan bitch,” someone said, which caught my attention. “I know we’re not supposed to talk about what happened until our current crop of ‘saviors’ disappears, but she got me in trouble with the missus. I tried to tell her that the bitch flung herself at me but no…”
Striding to the one who’d been speaking, I dropped my chair between him and his companions before flopping into it.
“This Eselan,” I said. “Black hair, slender frame, fierce as a wildcat when threatened?”
Because I knew of no other Eselan who’d be randomly wandering through Auden.
“Sounds about right,” said the speaker. “Do you know her? Also, who are you? I haven’t seen you around here before.”
I laughed under my breath.
“Do I know her?” I said. “I once did, but… what am I doing? Ignore me, gentlemen. Sorry for the interruption.”
Checking that Ring and Little were still occupied by activities, I slipped out of the tavern to collapse into the weeds growing around the building.
Ren had been here. When had that happened? Had she walked down these same streets?
“Lovesick fool,” I said, banging my head against the tavern’s wall.
“You cannot help who you want,” Nylion said.
Dropping to the ground, he rested his head on my shoulder, pressing our arms against one another. It was the most ‘physical’ contact that Nylion had allowed since we’d started growing apart on the way to Elisk, and almost, I launched into another conversation about why that had happened, but doing it for the thousandth time seemed like a bad idea right now.
My other half was here with our bond open and in use, and the relief of this was…
I didn’t have words for it, but if I tried, I’d say it was like taking a breath of fresh air, never having known how thin it had been before. It was a bit like what I imagined a reunion with Ren would feel like, which was…
Huh. That was something I’d need to ponder. Later.
Never mind Ren, I said. Did you hear what that man said? ‘Until our current crop of ‘saviors’ disappears.’ How many other people have come to handle this bandit problem?
“I suspect we will learn soon enough,” Nylion said.
Doesn’t make me any less curious.
“Of course not. You would not be Raimie if the vaguely ominous did not attract you like… well, like Ren does.”
Harsh, Nyl.
“Also, true.”
When a figure crunched through the sand to block my view of the stars, I squinted as if that would somehow bring their concealed features into focus.
“You’re finally here,” the stranger said. “I thought you’d never come, despite Manipulation’s assertions otherwise.”
Manipu-?
I scrambled to stand, reaching for Silverblade, but cold steel, pressed to my forehead, froze me in place. A pistol. Where had one of Doldimar’s people gotten ahold of a pistol?
“Don’t get up,” the stranger said. “I’m only here to deliver a message.”
Digging into his clothes, the man placed something feathery in my hand, curling my fingers around it.
“Doldimar says hello,” the stranger said before cocking his head, “Or was it ‘enjoy another gift, dabbler of both sides’? I can’t recall. Ah, well. My task is completed. A fair evening to you, Raimie.”
He disappeared with a wash of Daevetch prickling over my skin.
“Raimie, we need-”
An Enforcer, most likely the Enforcer controlling Vale’s bandits, had caught me unaware, and I was still breathing. Why had he left me alive? Did it matter, considering what I was holding?
Another gift, like the ones waiting for me in Elisk and the Birthing Grounds. Please, gods, no.
“We need to get-”
Lifting my hand, I blazed Ele into the night before unfurling my fingers. On my palm lay a lock of hair. Black hair. I clenched my hand into a fist.
“We need to get the Hand,” Nylion and I said together.
When I reached the tavern’s doors, I swung them open so forcefully that the glasses behind the bar rattled.
“Ring. Little. We’re leaving. Now.”
Several yards from the tavern, they fell in beside me, drawing breath to speak. Probably to ask questions I didn’t want to answer now.
“What did you learn?” I asked before they could.
“Faramede’s definitely involved with the bandits,” Little said. “At least a dozen groups have come to Vale to remove the threat, something that wasn’t mentioned by the woman who came begging for your aid. The mayor’s luring people to the bandits, but I have no clue why. Sir, what-?”
“I suspect that she’s a Kiraak, taking orders from her Enforcer master, but she’s repressed Corruption’s spread somehow. She’s truly as intimidating as I thought,” I interrupted. “I’ll take care of it when we return. Anything else?”
“If Faramede’s a Kiraak, it’s safe to say that other Kiraak are mixed in with Vale’s citizenry,” Ring said. “Why else would these good people allow this to continue? Sir-”
“I’m beginning to see why everyone hates primeancers,” I said. “I certainly hate this one.”
Growling, Little stepped in front of me, lifting a hand to plant in my chest.
“Sir. Where are we going?” he asked.
Giving Little a funny look, I brushed his hand aside.
“To our beds, of course,” I said. “We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
8
The Girl
I’d never met a more intimidating man.
He was short enough that I could look down on him while his flabby muscles and loose skin made me wonder how he’d survived for so long in Doldimar’s domain.
Or I did so until I met the man’s eyes. Pure black, they dried my mouth, simply by resting on me as they were, and he had no need to do anything else to make me quail before him. I’d heard too many horror stories about Enforcers from Harvest refugees and had too many close calls with Teron for it to be anything less. So, when he smiled at me, tilting his head, I nearly ran screaming in the other direction.
When I managed to hold my ground instead, the Enforcer clapped.
“Well done, my dear,” he said. “Most people would be sobbing on their knees before me by now.”
Somehow, I ignored my pulse, fluttering in my ears, and my knees, threatening to knock together.
“Would that do me any good?” I asked.
“A defiant one. I like the defiant ones. I hope I don’t have to kill her,” the Enforcer said, presumably not to me. “Will he come in time to save her, do you think, Manipulation?”
He?
“I don’t need someone to rescue me,” I said.
With a faint smile, the Enforcer patted my cheek, and I fought to keep from recoiling.
“Of course not, dear,” he said. “Well, come in. Let’s begin.”
He stepped aside, waving through the doorway as if in challenge. Did he expect me to willingly walk into what could only become a time of suffering?
But what else was I supposed to do? Get dragged inside and make a scene? That would only ruin the opening move that I’d made in this game.
As I strode inside, I ignored the Enforcer’s chuckle behind me.
The room beyond was dark with candlelight only revealing what lay in the center of it. There, a rickety table stood with a candelabra and place settings for two atop it.
“Take a seat,” the Enforcer said.
Breezing past me, he claimed the chair closest to the room’s entrance, and I edged toward the second one. As I sat, a man sailed into the room with a platter full of food in his hand. He arranged his bounty in front of the Enforcer and me with sweat rolling over his forehead, and as he did so, he tipped my mug onto the floor. The clatter of wood on stone was loud in the stillness, all while the man froze.
Diving for the mug, he said, “I’ll get another one. I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”
“Yes. You will,” the Enforcer said.
A black spiderweb shot out from the back of the man’s head, sweeping over his face until the skin over it was straining to keep those horrid vines contained. As this arrangement was held in place, the man suppressed a groan, but then, it vanished, and he skittered out of the room.
“Apologies for my staff,” the Enforcer said. “They’re not the most qualified of people, but they’re what I have to work with right now.”
Retrieving his utensils, he cut into his meat with each slice controlled and precise, but I couldn’t move. I could let my eyes track over what little of the room I could see, seeking advantages, but the rest of my body was stuck in place.
“You’re not hungry?” the Enforcer asked, pointing at my plate.
What should I do? Could I demand answers for everything I’d seen from this man?
A Kiraak who didn’t look like a Kiraak. Was this some new form of terror, devised by Doldimar? A way to create suspicion in the minds of a people who thought they were free? Was it a special modification found only in this Enforcer’s Kiraak? Or should I ask about him, getting at least a name from my captor? Could I ask questions right now?
There was no harm in trying.
“What did you do to my brother?” I made myself say.
Pausing in his chewing, the Enforcer considered me while something flickered in his dark eyes.
“What I must to survive. As we all do,” he answered. “You find yourself in mortal peril, and yet, your first concern is for him. How curious.”
“He’s my brother. Of course I’m worried about him, especially when he’s not acting like himself,” I said. “What specifically did you do to Kylorian?”
Sighing, the Enforcer set his fork down.
“I didn’t infect him with Daevetch, if that’s what you’re worried about. I merely reminded him of his place,” he said before making a face. “Do you mean to simply sit there? My staff went to such trouble when preparing this meal.”
“It’s hard to eat when I have nothing to wash my food down with,” I said.
Better to mention that excuse than to admit how clenched tight my stomach was right now.
Unfortunately, the man who’d served us earlier rushed into the room with a new mug for me, as if summoned by my excuse. He set it on the table with its amber contents sloshing within it.
“You were saying?” the Enforcer said.
Woodenly, I reached for my knife and fork, and soon, chunks of meat were passing, untasted, over my tongue.
“Ask your questions,” the Enforcer said. “The curiosity must be killing you.”
The only thing gnawing at me was the image of my beaten brother, carved into my mind.
“I’d rather not,” I said, “but you obviously want to share, so why don’t you?”
A spasm crossed the Enforcer’s face, which had him nearly dropping his utensils.
“Careful, my dear,” he said. “I may be new to my power, not yet to the point where Daevetch has driven me mad, but I’m still new. I don’t know my limits.”
“Maybe I should push harder, then,” I said. “If you mean to kill me, I’d rather it be now than after you torture me.”
The Enforcer paused with his fork halfway raised to his mouth, flicking his eyes up to bore into me, and I flipped my grip on my knife, ready for a fight no matter how short I knew it would be.
“I have no intention of killing you, my dear” the Enforcer said. “Why would I kill my bait? It defeats the purpose.”
At those words, the world slowed down around me with each sip of air growing steadily frostier.
“Bait?” I softly said.
“Mm,” the Enforcer said. “You use it to lure another person, usually a loved one, into a trap. Perhaps you’ve heard of it?”
“Of course I have, cretin,” I snapped. “Who’s the trap for?”
Lowering his hands to the table, the Enforcer shook his head.
“I had so hoped for a pleasant meal,” he said.
As fire rose from within to combat the air’s chill, I leapt across the table with the candelabra and dishes rattling to the floor. With one hand on the Enforcer’s shoulder, I held my knife in front of his eyes, poised to strike.
“Who’s the trap for?” I shouted.
The Enforcer lazily blinked.
“The one I’ve been ordered to kill,” he said. “The one that I hope will kill me instead.”
Who could kill an Enforcer? Someone who’d done it before, obviously. And who would Doldimar send an Enforcer to murder, knowing that the task wouldn’t end in the waste of a valuable tool? Not my blood brother, Rhylix. He’d simply heal from what should be a killing blow, which according to my brother, Doldimar knew. That left…
“Raimie,” I breathed.
“Precisely.”
“But… he hates me,” I said. “I broke his heart.”
“Are you sure about that?” the Enforcer asked.
Such smugness and sadness there! I couldn’t stand it.
Screaming, I plunged my knife forward and met empty air. With momentum careening me toward the ground, I tilted over the table’s edge, but before I could fall, something caught the back of my tunic. My motion reversed, ending with me crashing on top of the table with a hand coated in Daevetch pointed at my face.
“Hold still,” the Enforcer said.
Shadows swirled toward me, barely missing my head, and once the bolt had cracked into the wood beneath me, the Enforcer lifted a tuft of my hair into the air.
“Will this be enough, Manipulation?” he asked.
Oh, Alouin. He’d bring Raimie here, and if he didn’t realize it was a trap, the one I loved would die.
“Please,” I said. “Please, don’t hurt him.”
The Enforcer cocked his head.
“Nothing from you when your life’s in danger, but you plead with me when I threaten him,” he said. “You truly are a curious being, Ren.”
As he was intimidating.
“Take her to her cell,” he called over his shoulder. “No harm is to come to her until we know whether the trap has sprung.”
He disappeared, and the bandit... the Kiraak who’d escorted me to this room grabbed my arm, dragging me up and away.
I had to escape and warn Raimie, no matter what seeing him again would do to me. But how? I was unarmed with only the clothes on my back to claim as my own.
Unarmed except for the one weapon that had always been mine.
Illusory, blinding light burst into the hall, but because it was my creation, I’d closed my eyes before its appearance. My escort, on the other hand, reeled away from that surge. While he struggled to recuperate, I stole his dagger from him, smashing its pommel into his temple until he dropped, senseless, to the floor, and I was left panting over him.
It was amazing the reckless lengths I’d go to if given enough motivation. Amazing how it rearranged my priorities.
Kylorian first. No matter how much the protective beast inside roared for me to run to Raimie and keep him from doing anything stupid, I wouldn’t leave my brother here.
When I unlocked our cell’s door, Kylorian barely stirred, making me hurry to him.
Tugging on his arm, I said, “Ky, we need to go. Get up.”
“Ren?” he said. “What are you-?”
I dumped the clothes that I’d stripped off of my escort onto him.
“Hurry and get dressed,” I whispered. “I don’t know how long we have.”
Sitting up, Kylorian glanced from me to the open door before breaking into a grin and throwing the tunic on.
“I knew you’d think of something,” he said. “How could a measly Enforcer keep the Terror of Da’kul contained?”
“What about you?” I asked. “The brother I know would have escaped from here hours ago.”
Pouting, Kylorian said, “I had mitigating circumstances to contend with.”
“Like a beating’s ever stopped you before,” I said with a snort.
Kylorian paused while donning the trousers.
“It did this time,” he said.
“Which makes it fortunate for you that I’m here,” I said. “If you’re ready?”
We snuck through the caves with little difficulty, only encountering the occasional bandit, but they were easily dispatched. Finding the exit took quite some time, and once we had, stepping out beneath a starry sky, I took a deep breath of free air.
“No time for celebration,” I said. “Let’s head for Vale, quick as we can.”
Because where else would Raimie be? Given how our lives were, I’d be surprised if he was anywhere else.
I took off into the forest, risking a fall or a branch in the eye with each step. Kylorian kept at my side.
After a moment, he breathed, “Huh.”
The exhalation had been so perplexed that I spared a glance at my brother. With his eyes squinted, he was fiercely rubbing his skin while slowing down.
“What are you doing?” I hissed. “We need to keep going.”
When I raced back toward him, Kylorian snapped his head up.
“Sorry, Ren,” he said.
He bashed the heel of his palm into the bridge of my nose, and for the second time in as many days, my brother sent me into unconsciousness.
9
The Boy
As they moved through the forest, Pointer and Little made no noise, none that I could detect at least. If I didn’t know differently, I’d think they were ghosts, gliding through the trees.
I, on the other hand, could make no such claims to stealth. Those skills had rusted to flakes after half a lifetime with no practice. Lessons with Rhylix and Ferin might have resuscitated what I’d long ago learned about diplomacy and combat but stealth? I’d had no help with that.
I did, however, have something that my companions did not. It was the only thing that had won me my argument to join the fight today.
When I’d brought the topic up, Oswin had said, “You staying in Vale, sir.”
“Am I?” I’d said. “How do you plan on keeping me here? Can you stop someone you can’t see?”
Gods, Oswin had been cranky since conceding that I was right.
Slowing down, Pointer raised a hand, pressing it down toward the ground. He and Little sank to their bellies while I pulled my Ele source around my body, disappearing to everyone outside the bubble. Again, Pointer moved his hands, flashing signs toward Little.
‘Patrol sighted. Fifty yards, dead ahead,’ they said. ‘Stay with asset.’
Asset? Really?
Now that Pointer had pointed him out, I saw a man’s head bobbing above a crop of bushes. Little levered himself to his feet, but by the time he’d attained them, I’d found the patrolling man’s eyes. It would be a difficult angle but…
I shot Ele at the man, and with a gasp, he collapsed into sleep. At the sound, weapons were in my spies’ hands, and I walked between them, rolling the patrolling man over with my toe. Shooting more Ele into his eyes, I reinforced the command for sleep. Once I was sure he wasn’t getting up, I dropped my Ele bubble.
“What was that?” Little hissed.
‘Quiet,’ I said with dancing fingers.
Drawing Daevetch to my arms, I hoisted the unconscious man off of the ground, carrying him to a denser patch of foliage before dumping him into it. Turning to the spy, I smiled at Little’s wide-eyed stare, even if Pointer’s speculative look stole something from the moment. I waved for the older spy to take the lead again.
Both of them seemed reluctant to move ahead, but when I rolled my eyes, continuing without them, they were quick to follow. Soon enough, the three of us reached the cave that we believed to be the bandit’s hideout. The lumps sitting outside of its entrance told me that the rest of my Hand had already arrived, although they appeared to have moved on without us.
When Pointer looked at me, I signed, ‘Advance.’
As we passed the fallen bandits, I knelt to check their pulses. One of them was unconscious while the other one was dead.
I’d told the Hand to leave the enemy alive as much as they could. If an Enforcer was leading them, they were likely Kiraak, which meant they had little control over their actions. I hadn’t decided what I’d do with them once this was over, not with Clerindel’s face still fresh on my mind, but for now, I didn’t want these people dead.
We moved like ghosts through the cave, and with every yard we crossed sans opposition, the lightning crackling under my skin strengthened. After ten minutes without sight of another person, I halted, huddling with Little and Pointer.
“Trap?” I said.
“That’s what it feels like, doesn’t it?” Little whispered before frowning. “When did you learn our signs, sir?”
I fought to keep my mouth still. We were deep in enemy territory with danger all around, and despite that, Little couldn’t keep his curiosity contained. How typical for him.
“I learned them when I was a boy,” I said. “In Daira.”
Stiffening, Pointer opened his mouth, probably to ask what I meant, but I shook my head.
“I shouldn’t have said that. Now’s not the time, but holding it in has been killing me,” I said. “Please, don’t tell Oswin yet, ‘Sin. Let me do it.”
As always, it didn’t matter that I’d dropped a bomb on the older man. Quickly regaining his composure, he swatted Little when the younger spy tried to speak.
“Of course, sir,” he said. “What are we doing about the obvious trap?”
“Walking into it, of course,” I said.
I paused as the sounds of combat rang from down a narrow hallway.
“First, we’ll help whoever that is.”
We didn’t have to go far to find the source of the noise. A group of scruffy-looking men was attacking a single combatant not much further down the hall. As we rounded the corner, the single man ducked under a blade before rising to sink his dagger into his attacker’s neck.
I didn’t consider who might be my enemy or my friend. I saw uneven odds and leapt to the defense of the losing side.
Sprinting through the massed men, I spun to meet surprised eyes and flicked Ele from me at multiple angles. Nearly all of my bolts hit their targets, but one man, someone within striking distance, avoided his. Before I could shoot another Ele bolt at him, the man swung his sword, sending a sharp edge plummeting for my face, and a memory had me crashing to the floor.
“Stop fidgeting,” Lysinthir hisses.
Grimacing, I try to keep still, but I have so many questions and so much energy. I need to release it somehow.
“How is watching Auntie’s door stealth work?” I whisper. “Shouldn’t you be teaching me how to sneak past guard patrols or something? Or maybe how to assassinate someone without getting caught like you did with-?”
“It’s the QUEEN’S door, Raimie,” Lysinthir rasps, “and this IS stealth work. Now, hush and keep still.”
Biting my lip, I follow my instructions. Time flows by like sap from a tree, and after another hour of waiting, I’m ready to scream. Right when I’m about to pester Lysinthir with more questions, I hear a noise. It’s soft, the merest breath of a whisper, but after years of hearing it, I intimately know how a body sounds when it’s been lowered to the floor.
Lysinthir glances back at me.
‘Scout,’ his fingers flash.
Nodding, I make a bubble around my body and step out of cover. I noiselessly slide my feet across the palace’s slicked, tile flooring, and as I approach the corner that the noise came from, I draw a knife.
Peeking around it, I see two people wrapped in black cloth with a palace guard lying behind them. They’re kneeling in front of a contraption that I could swear I’ve seen before, but where could that have been? I rifle through my mental index of books while one of the intruders lights a match, and when I find the page that holds a drawing of this contraption, my heart flies into my throat.
Dynamite. And an intruder is lowering a flame to its fuse.
There’s no thought. I fling my knife, never judging the distance between me and my target and with no aim to it. Fortunately, my skill with knives has improved since accidentally stabbing Oswin years before. The blade bites into the intruder’s hand, sending the match that they were holding flying.
The intruder makes no sound, even with pain surely coursing through them. They merely rip my knife free, throwing it back toward me. I duck with wind ruffling my hair, and when I glance up, the other intruder is swinging a sword at my face.
I freeze. How did this person see me? Have I dropped my bubble-?
Metal clangs as a sword blocks the blade coming to kill me, and I roll to my feet, drawing my own short sword. Meanwhile, Lysinthir stabs at an intruder’s gut.
Spinning, I again catch my first target trying to light the dynamite’s fuse. Splashes of light chase my abnormally quick sprint to them. I tackle them as the match touches the fuse. After punching my sword through cloth and flesh, I roll off the intruder with their dying gasp muffled by a crackling noise.
Lysinthir’s opponent hits the ground, and the older spy races for the dynamite, intending to do who knows what with it. Before he can reach it, I send two bolts, one of shadows followed by one of light, toward explosive death. The first bolt shears the lit fuse from its inactivated length while the second sends it spinning away, where it burns out within seconds.
Gasping, I collapse on the floor, trembling. I’ve been in many sticky situations since beginning my Hand training, but Alouin, that one was close.
“Good work,” Lysinthir rasps.
He offers me a hand up, which I take.
“You saved my life,” I say. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” Lysinthir rasps. “You’ll be my spymaster one day and a damn good one at that. Plus, you’re royalty as much as Kaedesa is. Of course I did what I could to keep you safe.”
“So, you didn’t help me because you like me or anything,” I say with a laugh. “I see how it is.”
When a sword point touches my neck, I look down the length of its blade into Lysinthir’s cold eyes.
“I like you, little Raimie,” he rasps. “That’s why I further abuse this ruined voice to give you a warning. The next time death’s coming for you, don’t freeze. I might not be there to save you.”
Slowly, I nod, and Lysinthir lowers his sword.
“Let’s clean up. No trace of our presence can remain when dawn breaks.”
Steel burst through my attacker’s chest, and I scrambled backward to avoid a toppling body. As if in echo of the memory, Lysinthir… Pointer stepped over the corpse, offering me a hand to my feet.
“I taught you better than that,” he said.
“You did,” I said with a grimace. “What can I say? My skills have faded over the years.”
Nodding, Pointer said, “That’s what happens when a father takes a pupil out from under a skilled tutor’s care.”
“Yes…” I drawled, unwilling to talk about my father at the moment.
Fortunately, a distraction quickly presented itself.
“Little! What are you doing?”
Moving among the people I’d sent to sleep, the spy was taking the time to crack each of them over the head.
“I’m making sure they stay down,” Little said. “I fucking hate Kiraak. They give me the heebie jeebies.”
Glancing up at me, he quirked a smile.
“Sir,” he added, “shouldn’t you deal with the man we rescued?”
Of course I should, but when I turned to offer them my greetings, I stopped short with my mouth gaping.
“I didn’t need your help,” Kylorian tiredly said.
Sheathing his blade, he limped deeper into the cave, leaving me tripping after him. I hadn’t seen Kylorian since I’d last left Tiro, and considering how that meeting had gone, I wasn’t sure how to act right now. Did my… friend still want me keeping my distance? Were we still friends?
“Ky! Why are you here?” I said. “Wait. Were you with Ren? Do you know where she is?”
Please, say he’d have information about her. I had to know if she was ok.
Kylorian stopped short with his shoulders rising toward his ears.
“Ren?” he asked.
“She’s here, isn’t she?” I said. “Are you looking for her?’
Heaving a sigh, Kylorian started forward again.
“Ren’s in Tiro, where she’ll stay until we’re sure Doldimar is truly gone,” he said. “I’m here to solve Vale’s bandit problem.”
She wasn’t here! The Enforcer’s gift must have come from someone else’s head, which meant the panic gnawing on my guts could loosen. So, why did a revelation that should have had me slumping with relief leave me bitter with disappointment instead?
“If you’re here on Vale’s behalf, you’ll need my help,” I said. “These people have an Enforcer controlling them.”
Chuckling, Kylorian said, “I know. He gave me a solid beating yesterday.”
Which explained why he looked so battered. Should I offer him sympathy?
“Is that what you would want in his position?” Nylion whispered.
Shooting a glance at my other half from the corner of my eye, I tried to figure out when he’d appeared but decided it didn’t matter. Nylion was, as always, right.
“Do you know where I can find the Enforcer?” I asked.
“Headed to him now,” Kylorian said. “Come if you want. It’s not like I could stop you.”
“I will,” I said, hesitating before I continued. “And Ky? About… Hadrion-”
Spinning, Kylorian grabbed my tunic.
“You do not speak to me about my brother,” he said before deflating. “Really, Raimie. It’s important. I’m doing my best to move on from what happened, but it’s still too soon to talk about it.”
Squeezing my eyes closed, I fought to clear away the image of a youth with a gap-toothed grin that had appeared on the back of my eyelids. I’d started forgetting the hurt of what had happened at the Birthing Grounds, and right as it had been fading, Kylorian had appeared, as if to remind me that I couldn’t. If not for me, that bright spark of life would never have been extinguished.
“It is not our fault,” Nylion said. “That is what we said, remember?”
I do, Nyl. I do.
It didn’t make me feel any less guilty.
“Unhand him,” Little said. “Now.”
The young spy was holding a blade to Kylorian’s throat with his free hand jerking the other man’s head back. Slowly, Kylorian released his grip on my tunic, and Little looked to me for what he should do next.
He was so young, no more than sixteen. When would my decisions get Little killed, like they had for Hadrion?
“Not our fault.”
I needed to remember this, and I’d try to do so in the future, but for now, what should I do about Kylorian? He hadn’t attacked me, per se, and given the nature of what I’d said, I was actually surprised by how mild his reaction to it had been.
Besides that, I still considered him my friend. I didn’t want to alienate him, not any more than I already had.
“Let him go,” I said. “He’s taking us to the Enforcer, right?”
With a hesitant smile, Kylorian said, “That’s right. Looking forward to watching you crush him.”
With an order given, Little stepped away, letting Kylorian take the lead for us.
Sidling up beside me, the young spy whispered, “Are you sure it’s a good idea to trust him, sir? He could be part of the trap.”
“Maybe, although I highly doubt that,” I said. “Even if he was, though, we mean to walk into either way, remember?”
We trailed behind Kylorian, encountering occasional bandits, until we stumbled across our first patch of already unconscious enemies. The group lay in an intersection of hallways, right in front of where the caves opened into more livable quarters.
Crouching to examine one, I said, “Oswin’s work?”
“And Thumb’s,” Pointer said.
He pointed to a woman with a broken arm and a busted face.
“I wish I had a way to tell the others that they don’t need to keep searching for Ren,” I said. “We’ll probably need their backup before this is over.”
“If we do, Middle will be there,” Little said. “He has an uncanny ability of showing up whenever you need help, sir.”
“That he does.”
From the far hall, Kylorian called, “Hurry up! I won’t wait forever.”
“Fair enough,” I called back.
Damn, he was in a hurry, but I could understand that, given how deep we'd ventured into enemy territory.
We passed through three more intersections before Dim popped into being in front of me.
“One of mine is nearby,” they said. “Can you feel them?”
Yes.
I’d felt the Daevetch snarl since encountering Oswin’s work earlier, only letting Kylorian stay in the lead because it seemed to make him happy.
“What will you do once you find their human?” Dim asked.
I thought that was obvious.
“He is mine as well as yours, imbecile,” Bright said, appearing beside their counterpart.
“And that means he’ll kill someone that my whole has claimed?” Dim asked. “Why hasn’t he killed Eriadren at my whole’s behest, then?”
Stop, I said with a mental sigh. Is there another way to eliminate the threat, Dim? If so, I’ll gladly take it. You know I don’t like killing people.
The splinter paused before saying, “No.”
There you go. I’ll do what I can to kill this Enforcer and hope that I’ve learned enough since fighting Teron to stay alive in the process.
Sighing, Dim crossed their arms.
“Manipulation won’t be happy with me,” they said, “but if they wanted to keep ahold of someone they’ve claimed, they shouldn’t have pitted them against me. Chaos trumps them every time.”
They gave me a fierce grin with a glint in their eyes, one that I had to smile at in turn. When someone jerked me to the side, I almost passed through the splinter.
“Stopping now, sir,” Little whispered. “Tell Bright and Dim I say hello.”
Both splinters popped to the spy’s side, ruffling his hair. Both bristled when their fingers touched.
“He’s more mine than yours,” Dim growled.
Hissing, Bright raised illuminated hands, seemingly about to start an actual fight, and I sighed under my breath.
Stop, I said.
Immediately, the splinters returned to my side, placid and unmoving, which was good. The Daevetch snarl was waiting ahead, somewhere around the next bend.
I needed to erase it, protecting Vale in the process.
“Why are we stopping?” I hissed.
“For one thing, because Kylorian collapsed,” Little said.
What? When had that happened?
Glancing over my shoulder, I noted Pointer crouched over Ren’s brother and winced.
“Is he hurt?” I asked.
“I suspect the beating that he mentioned was more extensive than he implied,” Pointer said. “He’s not getting up any time soon.”
“Good,” I said. “I won’t need to worry about watching his back while fighting an Enforcer, then. You two-”
“Don’t you dare order us to stay here,” Little snapped before adding. “Sir.”
There went that plan.
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I said. “Let me handle as much as I can, though. Focus on the Kiraak with him.”
“Sir…”
“Little, that’s an order,” I said.
“Fine,” the spy said, biting off his words. “Can we at least wait for Middle and the others before engaging?”
And bring more people into a fight between primeancers?
“No.”
Striding around the corner, I ducked as a Daevetch bolt hurtled for my head. I heard Little and Pointer’s feet scraping behind me, but fortunately no bodies dropped. Quick to recover, the spies sprinted to the room’s fringes where Kiraak aplenty were waiting with their weapons bared.
The squat man in their midst looked nothing like the Enforcer I’d faced in the past, radiating none of the menace that they usually did, but the Daevetch snarl originated in him, and he bore an Enforcer’s characteristic black eyes.
Glancing over the carnage already unfolding around him, the man wrinkled his nose.
“You brought friends. How unfortunate,” he said. “This setting won’t do now.”
At his words, the Kiraak went stiff, dropping their swords and daggers as their hands clenched. Black lines snaked under their skin in one eyeblink, and in the next, those black lines had cut through their barriers and into the open air. Bodies limply slumped to the floor, leaving Pointer and Little frozen over enemies turned into mutilated corpses.
Meanwhile, the Enforcer had vanished, leaving me wondering if he’d fled, before reappearing right next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I caught a glimpse of Pointer and Little running for me before black subsumed the world.
It picked at me until the essence of who I was shattered, but somehow, I still heard a familiar voice yipping in warning at what the shards of me were floating through. Then, sunlight splashed on my skin, and I was whole once more.
Coughing, I aimlessly stumbled, hunching as the world spun.
What was that? Gods, what happened?
“That, frail human, is what you lot call shade melding,” Dim—the familiar voice from before—said. “You momentarily stepped beneath the world’s skin and into the place where my whole holds dominion.”
“Get yourself together, Raimie,” Bright snapped. “The enemy’s still alive.”
Groaning, I struggled to right myself. Where was I? Outside the caves, judging from the sun warming me, but where?
Trees were ringing me with an empty space between them. A clearing.
And a Daevetch primeancer was in front of me.
“You killed the Kiraak who were under your control?” I gasped. “Why?”
Cocking his head, the Enforcer said, “The Dark Lord ordered that there should be no witnesses, should I succeed with my task. If I manage to kill you, I don’t want to return to those awful caves.”
“So, Doldimar is still watching us,” I said.
“Did I say that?” the Enforcer said. “No, I received my orders before he left. I have no idea what the bastard’s doing now.”
The loathing in his voice gave me pause, but before I could voice another question, the Enforcer flicked a Daevetch bolt at me. I skipped to the side, avoiding a sudden, gaping hole in my chest.
“Good. You’ve recovered,” the Enforcer said with a smile. “We can begin.”
When he disappeared, I wrapped myself in an Ele bubble, sprinting in no particular direction.
Bright? Dim?
“Emerging from the shadows in front of you… now,” Dim said.
Blasting Ele in front of me, I took great pleasure in watching the Enforcer tumble end over end away from me. The man gained his feet before I could reach him to finish the job, flinging shadows at me. I dodged the first two bolts, but the third hurtled for me with no way to avoid it. Desperately, I reached for the Chaos and Destruction racing my way, making it mine. Catching the bolt, I tossed it back, and it whizzed through empty air.
Huh. That was interesting. I hadn’t known I could do that.
“One hundred degrees to your right,” Dim said.
Whirling, I caught the Enforcer’s dagger on Silverblade, spinning my sword until the other man’s weapon flew away. I followed that up with a fist to the face. Bone crunched beneath my knuckles, and screaming, the Enforcer stumbled backward, clutching at a gushing nose.
Spraying Daevetch in an arc between us, the Enforcer scrambled for the shadows beneath the trees. With a single thought, I parted the wall of shadows racing toward me, and as I sprinted after my adversary, I threw a knife at him. Only the man’s fortuitous stumble stopped the blade from claiming his life. Instead, it embedded into his shoulder, and he howled as he merged with the shadows, right as I reached him.
This was getting ridiculous. Sure, everyone should exploit every advantage when in a fight, but having an enemy continually run from me like this was…
Well. It was irritating.
Beside me, Bright hissed, but I ignored the splinter’s sudden discomfort. Instead, I stuck my hand into the shadows.
My arm disappeared up to the elbow while something tried to drag the rest of my body inside, but I held firm, casting out a line for what I sought. When something tugged on that line, I pulled back, and the Enforcer flew out of the shadows to land at my feet. Before he could flee again, I pinned him to the forest floor with Silverblade, dropping to my knee to lay a shadow-coated hand over his face.
“See, Manipulation?” the Enforcer coughed. “I told you he could do it. I’m free of you before I can cause too much damage.”
Again, I paused. Had this been what the Enforcer had wanted? Why deny the power that one could gain as a Daevetch primeancer? And why did the idea that this man might want an escape from that power annoy me so much?
“You’ve greatly overused the enemy whole, as I’ve been warning you since Elisk,” Bright said. “Release what you’re holding, unless you want something truly horrible to happen.”
“What are you waiting for?” the Enforcer below me gasped, as if in agreement. “Kill me.”
“Gladly.”
I shot Daevetch through flesh, bone, and muscle, carving a hole in the Enforcer’s head. Air whistled from the mouth that was left behind, but I didn’t notice this. As shadows flew from me, they tore through my body with tiny knives laughingly dragged in their wake. I screamed, long and not at all silent like my companions had been in the forest before. If it had been unaware of our passage through it before, it definitely took notice of me now.
As I collapsed beside the man I’d killed, the part of my brain unoccupied with pain took note of my splinters holding a casual conversation above me.
“Do you think he’ll balance now?” Dim asked.
“Let’s hope so,” Bright said. “He’s used far too much of us in recent days, and if his balancing doesn’t resume soon, I fear that he won’t serve our purpose.”
Then, black dragged me under.
10
The Girl
I made no noise as I moved through the forest.
I was a wraith, haunting those who’d wronged me. Intent on finding Kylorian and shaking answers out of him.
He’d hit me. Again. I didn’t know how often it was safe for someone to lose consciousness like I had—and in such a short time period too—but I thought I might be approaching that line, and both times I’d experienced it had been at my brother’s hand.
Was it terrible that I wanted to strangle him as soon as I saw him again?
Before vanishing, he’d moved me into a part of Vale’s bordering forest that I didn’t know. When I’d woken up, I’d had to spend the better part of an hour simply getting my bearings. At least, an hour was how long it had felt. I had no way to keep track of time, not in this forest that wasn’t mine.
Then, I’d gotten lost. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but after having passed the same weirdly knotted tree four times now, I felt like I could say it.
“I have no clue where I am.”
Spinning in a slow circle, I tried to make a plan that would get me to a familiar place, but everything I considered was something I’d already tried.
Going in a straight line until the trees were at my back? I’d gone in circles instead.
Bending twigs to mark the path I’d take? I’d come across a broken twig again in no time.
Follow a creek until it reached Lake Lorne, nearby? That might be helpful if I could find any damn sources of water.
Honestly, it was making me doubt my skills as a woodswoman. Then again, my pounding headache, amplified by any direct sunlight, probably wasn’t helping with that.
Could I have a concussion? That would be unfortunate.
A nearby howling scream interrupted my train of thought. Throughout the length of it, I stood stock still, pinned in place by that awful noise, but as soon as it cut off, I sprinted toward it. Anyone in that much pain was bound to need help, and I was desperate for any human contact, even if it came from someone who might be badly beleaguered by a wound.
After what felt like an eternity of running, I was starting to worry that I might have lost my way again, but right when I planned to give up, I burst into a clearing with the sunlight filling it making my eye water. So, at the least, I’d found a new place to get lost in.
When my vision cleared, I scanned my surroundings, searching for whoever might have made that scream, and my eyes landed on four forms. Two lumps were lying in the clearing’s tall grass while another two, nearly identical people were standing over them.
Bright and Dim. Raimie’s splinters.
I wasn’t aware of running. The next thing I knew I was kneeling over a face that I’d been dreaming of every night since he’d returned from the Birthing Grounds. He was pale with sweat rolling over his skin.
And very definitely unconscious.
I didn’t know what possessed me. It was a violation of privacy that I wouldn’t normally indulge, but maybe because of my probable concussion or maybe because of the stress I’d accumulated over the last few days, I kissed him.
And it felt wonderful, even if Raimie didn’t respond to it. Gasping, I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed him again, fully aware that I might be bruising my lips on his. Alouin, I’d missed this. I’d missed him.
Why had I thought leaving him was a good idea?
“You should run.”
Groaning, I sat back on my heels, squinting at Bright.
“Why are you talking to me?” I said. “I thought the policy was to ignore the unclaimed anomaly who can see you.”
“The stick in the mud is right this time, much as it pains me to admit it,” Dim said. “You should run.”
Glancing between them, I frowned.
“Why?”
They merely pointed at Raimie, which had me scanning him once more. Now that I wasn’t so distracted by… him, I noticed how distressed he looked. He was mumbling in his sleep and…
Light and shadows were dancing under his skin, a war to fascinate the eye and terrorize the mind.
“Not good,” I breathed.
“Run,” the splinters said as one.
Springing to my feet, I fled Raimie once more, although no noble gesture was driving me this time. No, this time, fear nipped at my heels. Fear for what would happen, fear for my life when it did, fear for Raimie…
Raimie.
Grinding to a halt, I reversed course, meaning to go back as quickly as possible, and something slammed into me. I went flying with branches and leaves tearing at my skin and hair. The trees around me groaned until several released sickening cracks, and as I tumbled across the ground, something heavy crashed beside me.
With a hiss, I fluttered my eyes open, flinching when my lashes brushed a tree’s trunk. One that was lying right in front of me. I skittered like a beetle away from it, on all fours when I stopped.
What?
The question wouldn’t stop circling through my head as I picked my way back toward the clearing. Wreckage was littered across my path: fallen branches, uprooted plants, and felled trees.
What?
In the clearing, only Raimie remained. The other lump, once lying at his side, was gone, and his splinters had vanished. I approached him, ready to bolt at the first sign of… anything, really, but when I stood over him, I only found a peaceful face, completely ensnared by sleep. All signs of his turmoil had been wiped away.
“WHAT?” I screeched.
The noise prompted no reaction from Raimie, only more soft snores, and I wasn’t sure whether I should wake him up. On the one hand, he might help me find a way to Vale, and I had questions. On the other, I didn’t know what a reunion between us might look like and…
What the hell had that been?
I didn’t know how long I stood there, undecided, but when a hand landed on my shoulder, dragging me back to conscious thought, the sun was grazing the horizon.
“Ren, we’ve been looking everywhere for you,” Oswin said. “Are you… well? I’ve called your name several times.”
Of course Raimie had his Hand with him. One of them had always been hovering over him, even when in the safety of Tiro.
As I blinked, I realized that I was staring at empty ground where a body had once lain.
“Where’s Raimie?” I asked.
Sighing, Oswin crossed his arms.
“Thumb’s carrying him to Vale,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
“I… heard a scream. Ran to it,” I said. “How did you find him?”
Oswin pointed.
“We followed the path of destruction.”
Right. A forest devastated. Something that had sent me flying.
“What was that?” I whispered. “He… he…”
“I imagine this was the Enforcer’s work,” Oswin said, surveying the mess. “Whether it was caused during their fight or afterward, I couldn’t say.”
The Enforcer. The man who’d led Vale’s bandit infestation. That must have been the second lump. Yes, that bastard might have been the origin point of what had happened here. But then, there was Bright and Dim’s warning to me…
“Ren, you know I can’t let you near him, right?” Oswin said. “At least, not if you mean to commit to this separation you’ve insisted upon. He’s barely holding it together as it is.”
Did I want to continue along as I had? Could I live the rest of my life without him?
No. I couldn’t.
But.
I also couldn’t be around him now. Since Hadrion’s death, I’d become a box of broken pieces, only just beginning to put myself together once more. I wouldn’t come crawling back to Raimie like that. The pieces must further meld before I could hope to beg for forgiveness.
Plus, whatever that had been, the force to fell a copse of trees, I needed time to process it. If it had come from Raimie, then I might need to redefine what I thought of him. I wasn’t sure about that yet.
So, I said, “I have to find my brother.”
“Already done,” Oswin said. “Pointer and Little took him to a homestead, near the turnoff for Vale. He’s probably recovering there. I can take you to him.”
“Thank you,” I said, “and Oswin? I don’t plan on staying away from Raimie for forever. When I’m ready, I’ll return to him. If he’ll have me.”
A faint smile crossed Oswin’s face.
“Oh, he will. Once the stubborn fool has his heart set on something or someone, he never lets it go,” he said, “and much as I might resent the pain you’ve caused him, I think you’ll do him more help than harm, in the long run at least. I’ll set aside my anger for my friend’s happiness.”
“That’s… forgiving of you,” I said.
Oswin’s grin turned sharp.
“Don’t test that forgiveness. If you hurt him again, I’ll murder you with my bare hands, and I won’t feel a thing once it’s done,” he said. “Now, let’s get you to your brother.”
“So, that’s been my last few weeks,” I said. “Pretty intense, right?”
Pausing, I glanced in the direction of Tiro. Home. Or what should have been home.
“I understand Ky’s reluctance to visit us now. Having returned after seeing more of Auden, I know how small Tiro is, and… I feel your absence more keenly, Had-had.”
Blinking back tears, I cleared my throat.
“Anyway, I should finish my story. By the time Ky woke up, Raimie had not only removed Corruption from Faramede, Vale’s mayor, but accepted her and the town’s undying gratitude for saving them. Kylorian wasn’t happy about that, but then again, I doubt Raimie was either, the idiot.
"You were right, little brother. I shouldn’t have ended things with him, but don’t worry. I’m planning on taking your advice. I will do what’s best for me, but it’ll be in my own time.”
Far distant, Kylorian called, “Ren, are you almost ready?”
Puffing a sigh, I blew hair out of my eyes.
“Give me a minute, Ky. Alouin, you’re impatient sometimes.”
Crouching, I laid a hand on Hadrion’s grave.
“I’m off again, Had-had,” I said. “I’ve got to keep Ky safe, even if it’s from himself. I’ll be the shield for him that I failed to be for you because I love my brother. I love you both. See you soon.”
Rising, I brushed off of my hands as I hurried toward Kylorian.
“You,” I said, pointing at him, “are very rude.”
“I’m sorry, but we have a schedule to keep,” Kylorian said.
“I know that,” I said, rolling my eyes. “So? Let’s get to it.”
I strode forward, but when Kylorian started after me, I whirled on him, poking his chest.
“You owe me two unbidden trips into dreamland,” I said.
Kylorian made a face.
“I said I was sorry and explained why I did it-”
“Trying to protect me is not a good enough excuse for something like that,” I said.
When I shoved him, he rocked back.
“The next time you do anything like that, I will leave you in whatever scrape you’ve landed in, and I won’t look back,” I said. “Do you understand me?”
At his sides, Kylorian clenched his fists. I probably hadn’t been meant to see the motion, close as I was, but I had, and it made me wince. I’d never actually follow through on my threat. Kylorian must know that, but I had to establish how little I needed him to keep me safe. What I’d said wouldn’t, however, help him with whatever internal battle he’d been fighting since Hadrion’s death, and I hated adding to its difficulty.
“I understand,” he eventually said through gritted teeth.
“Good!”
Wrapping my arms around my brother, I squeezed until he returned my hug, and after a moment, I escaped from him, dancing away.
“Come on, Ky! Let’s go convince a bunch of suspicious, twitchy survivors that you should be king!”
Together, my brother and I left home and the grave of our youngest sibling behind.
A King's Caution Part Two
Book Two of Three
Chapter 59: A Kingdom at Peace
Raimie
When I woke up on my twenty-second birthday, I was aware of the day’s significance, much as I hated it. I was hoping the news that I'd brought home would distract anyone from doing anything to recognize the day.
Last night, I’d come home late from negotiations with the mountain clans, or the Matvai as they liked to be called. A lot of drinking was always involved in their bargaining, their drink of choice something they called vodka. Before I'd met the Matvai, I’d never tried the drink before.
I hated it. Vodka was quite possibly the worst thing I’d ever put in my mouth, but even still, I’d gagged my way through every round of it, intent on keeping from insulting the clans.
Gingerly, I sat up, pressing my fingertips to my temples as I scanned my surroundings. On seeing my familiar study, I sighed.
“Oh, good. I didn’t screw it up this time.”
The current round of negotiations was being held in the Matvai’s ceremonial hall, located deep within the mountains to the north.
Which were hundreds of miles away.
I couldn’t remember what had made me want to come home last night, but I did vaguely recall finding a thick patch of shadows after it had become clear that the negotiations weren’t going anywhere.
“Ring will be irate with me.”
After making the mistake of chuckling, I hissed, squeezing my eyes closed.
Last night might not have been the first time I’d slipped past a member of the Hand, but Ring always took this—a dereliction of her duties, as she called it—more seriously than the other four, although I didn’t fully understand why she felt that way.
Ring wasn’t a primeancer. She couldn’t call on Ele to chase her rapidly vanishing charge, and she most certainly couldn’t shade meld after me, if I decided to travel through the shadows. It wasn’t at all her fault if she lost track of me.
Even I had difficulty using that particular skill. Shade melding was—how exactly should I put it?—unnatural.
When I’d asked them about it several months ago, Dim had spent way too much time trying to explain it to me. They’d claimed that the world was made up of billions upon billions of invisible particles called ‘atoms’, and to shade meld, I’d need to force my ‘atoms’ apart, travel at atomic speed to my intended destination, and reassemble them upon arrival. At least, that was how I’d heard everything that Dim had said, even if I hadn’t understood them. The splinter had spewed mumbo jumbo at me for almost a quarter mark, growing increasingly frustrated, until Bright had interceded for them.
“Become one with the shadows, Raimie,” they’d said.
Which had made perfect sense to me. After trying this, I’d gone from my study to the gardens outside.
Once I’d broken through my disorientation, I’d caught Bright speaking with Dim.
“Mortals here need the analogy of the shadows for a reason,” they’d said. “They can’t comprehend the theory yet, not without the proper knowledge base.”
However shade melding actually worked, I avoided using it when possible. When I entered the shadows, ‘Raimie’ stopped existing. My essence of self disappeared, and I floated as one with the shadows. It was only ever through extreme force of will and occasionally, Dim’s help that I was able to break free, and when I could do that, I was, more often than not, nowhere near where I’d meant to go.
Maybe being drunk helped with the process, however, because here I was in my study, sitting on my bedroll over a vast chasm with only glass between me and it. Exactly as I’d planned.
Since no one was expecting me to be home for a few weeks, no fire was warming the study, which sent a shiver down my spine. Almost, I could hear a feminine voice starting up her typical soliloquy in my head—
“Don’t hurt me. Please, don’t hurt me. I’ll be good. I promise to be good. Just be gentle. Don’t-”
—but as usual, I tuned it out as soon as I noticed it. I wasn’t sure what was going on with that. The voice had been popping in and out of my thoughts for the last few months, since shortly after we’d captured Elisk, but it was… strange. Unlike with Nylion’s voice, this one felt… foreign, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I couldn’t deal with it, not on top of everything going on with… him.
Fortunately, sunlight was dimly illuminating the room, which slowly smoothed out the prickles running over my skin. Pulling Ele to me, I stumbled through stacks of books, down a short set of stairs, and to the study’s door.
“Does anyone know where Rhylix is?” I shouted down the hall before wincing. “Gods, I hope he’s home today. Worst. hangover. ever.”
A maid, humming as she’d been meandering down the hall, shrieked and dropped the sheets that she’d been carrying, and groaning, I massaged my forehead.
“Apologies, my lady. I didn’t mean to startle you,” I said. “Could you please-?”
But when I lifted my head to meet the maid’s eyes, she was already gone.
“Great job,” Nylion said behind me. “Terrifying the help is a wonderful way to start the day.”
And there he was. As always when around my other half in recent days, my heart started fluttering in my chest with my head going muddled.
Gods, what should I say? A thousand thoughts raced through my head: how much I missed him, that we needed to sit down and talk about everything that we’d ignored, what I’d realized about him on a rainy day over one year and nine months ago.
But as always, I hid these things under a veil of feigned irritation.
“Oh, hush,” I said. “Are you here to insist that we send the people who hurt us away again? That’s all you’ve wanted to talk about when you decide to show up these days.”
Why the hell did I keep doing this to myself?
Flexing my fingers, I started up the stairs, and racing around me, Nylion climbed the last few steps backward.
“No,” he said, “I… I have decided to let that go.”
Hearing that, I almost tripped on the last step. He’d what now? Was…? Could we finally move on?
For almost two years, it had been nothing but a building cycle between us. Anytime we were around Eledis or Marcuset or Gistrick, Nylion got angry, fuming at them, and as a result, I had to hold my temper throughout those conversations. Later, I reminded him of what we’d both decided after our memories had fully returned to us, and he conceded to that, but the anger remained. It had been festering between us with nowhere to go but toward each other, and I’d done my best to keep from directing it at Nylion.
He’d been less successful with doing the same, not that I could blame him. Of the two of us, he’d always held more anger, and I knew how much he struggled with keeping it under control.
So, no. I wouldn’t get my hopes up about the possibility of him working through our inability to punish the people who’d hurt us. I. would. not.
“…Really?” I said, narrowing my eyes at Nylion. “You’ve pestered me about our ‘vengeance’ for the last two years and have decided to give it up now? Why?”
Looking away, Nylion shrugged.
“You think I have not noticed how much this argument is driving a wedge between us, but you are wrong,” he said, “and I… I cannot take it anymore. I would rather live with those three continuing on as if nothing has happened than lose you.”
I crossed my arms, on the one hand trying to keep my heart from leaping out of my chest and on the other, deciding if I believed him. One didn’t give up an obsession fueled by anger, not without an enormously compelling reason. Was our relationship as meaningful to Nylion as it was to me?
The fragile bond that we shared had further withered over the last two years of an argument neither of us had been willing to let go of. At times, I could have sworn that Nylion was just another person rattling around in my head instead of the extension of personality that he had been when we were kids. I remembered that time: ever knowing what Nylion had been thinking or feeling, and now, I rarely ever understood what my other half was doing, hence why I was unsure about this change of heart.
But. I wanted to believe that it was real, more than anything.
“All right,” I said, reaching for the first book on my desk. “If you’re not here to argue, then what do you want?”
Nylion spun full circle with his arms spread wide.
“Lo and behold, we have come upon the mystical beast called spare time. I figured you would go straight to your… hobby,” he said, cracking a smile at my souring expression, “and I thought… I could help. If you want.”
Oh, how I wanted.
“That would be very helpful,” I said. “Thank you, Nyl.”
“I do not need your gratitude,” Nylion said. “You should know that, heart of my heart.”
And there it was. Sure, that interaction had felt forced, like we’d been playing along to roles that no longer apply, but gods, that nickname. I’d missed t.
“I do,” I said, “but that doesn’t mean…”
No. Best not to go into any topics that had been sources of contention between us.
“Never mind,” I said. “So. You want to help me look through these books for clues about the Eternal War?”
Folding to the ground, I opened my book to rest it on my legs, nonchalantly leaving an open palm on my knee, and as I’d hoped, when Nylion joined me, he brushed his fingers along my hand, although he didn’t take it.
“It is what you will do, regardless of my help. Why should I not join you?” he said. “Where are we starting?”
Quashing a smile, I gestured at the book in my lap before flipping through it. Once it had been absorbed, I grimaced. Nothing useful there. It joined its brethren in the stacks around us. Reaching above my head for another, I followed the same routine.
We continued in this manner while the sun finished lifting its head above the horizon. Having Nylion nearby both helped and hurt my progress with this. Typically, I’d struggle through these books’ contents with such a massive headache to impede me, but with my other half helping, my naturally quick learning and reading rates accelerated, so much so that the hangover almost didn’t matter.
At the same time, being near Nylion had become… distracting. It didn’t matter that what I was seeing wasn’t a real representation of my other half. I had… things that I needed to say, that I’d needed to say for quite some time actually, but I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.
Even with that, the simple task of sitting in Nylion’s presence was the epitome of peace for me. When we were like this, communing in a shared activity, waves of ease reverberated between us like a ball thrown with increasing velocity from one to the other. Comfort crashed down our dwindling bond, forcefully carving through its riverbanks, and I knew every connection that Nylion made from our current book to the ones we’d already looked through, just as I felt his nervousness.
And I knew that Nylion’s change of heart was true.
It wasn’t enough to repair the damage done, but this one, small spell together, devoid of distractions, gave me hope.
“We should do this more often,” Nylion said.
“Mm,” I lazily replied. “Why haven’t we?”
With a laugh, Nylion said, “Setting up a government does not give one much time to oneself. Or have you forgotten?”
“No. But surely… surely we could have made time for this.”
That was how I’d broach the subject.
Setting aside my current book, I said, “I need to talk to you. Preferably where we won’t have this—”
Waving a hand through Nylion’s shoulder, I winced at the feeling of touch, even as I encountered no true resistance.
“—between us.”
Nylion’s eyebrows slowly crept up his forehead.
“So…” he drawled. “You want to…?”
Nodding, I said, “Can I meet you there?”
With a pleased smile, Nylion said, “Always, heart of my heart. I am always there.”
When I opened my eyes, Nylion was tapping a foot beside my head with his arms crossed.
“Took you long enough,” he said.
Making a face, I said, “Sorry. Getting to sleep took much longer than I thought. Anxiety apparently does that to you.”
“Hmm.”
With nothing else, Nylion offered me a hand up, but once I was on my feet, I didn’t release it, instead using it to pull my other half to me. With my arms around his waist, I rested my chin on his shoulder while a happy hum buzzed from me.
“Hell,” I said. “This is as good as I remember it.”
Even if Nylion was stiff as a board.
“What are you doing?” he tensely asked.
“What I’ve wanted to do since shortly after Vale,” I said. “You remember cleaning out that pack of Kiraak we thought were bandits?”
“Yes…” Nylion said. “I am… confused. Why are you-?”
“Just shut up and enjoy it for a moment, Nyl,” I said. “I know you want to.”
“I…” Nylion softly said.
But there was nothing more. He lifted his hands behind me, probably staring at them in the moment it took him to lightly press them into my back, but when he eventually did, they were trembling. Even still, I released a contented sigh.
Oh, it felt right. We were completely open to one another through our bond, and I was holding Nylion close. We were kids again, first experimenting with what we were separately while also knowing what WE were.
The situation was reversed now, of course. That oneness-as-two that had been so common for us when growing up had become… foreign, difficult to achieve even when we tried, while living separately felt natural. This was what being apart for so long had done to us, and again, I reminded myself of why I WOULDN’T tear apart the people who’d separated us.
But all of that didn’t matter right now. I buried my face in Nylion’s neck, trying to hide.
“I’ve missed you,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
Nylion tightened his arm around me.
“What are you saying?” he said.
“I’m saying…”
I pushed myself away from Nylion, if not out of our embrace. Could I say something so intimate to a part of myself? Was Nylion a part of me? We’d never thought to ask that question, always content with knowing that we were complete when together, and Nylion had been taken from me before questions like this would have bothered me.
“What are you, Nyl?” I asked. “I don’t care one way or the other. I’m only trying to clarify. Only trying to reassure myself that…”
Gods, there several were again. Godsdamn singular pronouns, used with Nylion, but he didn’t seem to mind. With his head cocked, he frowned at me, but the expression didn’t seem displeased, more… confused. Unsure.
“I do not know what I am,” he said. “I believe I am a person or entity that is separate from your psyche, but I do not know how that has happened. I also believe, however, that I am you, part of the we split in two. Why are you asking?”
Sighing, I deflated.
“Because if you ARE me or if you’re something that I made up, like everyone seems to think,” I said, “what does it mean that I want to…?”
I bit my lip, glancing at Nylion, so close to me.
“Want to what?” my other half said.
“Oh, fuck it.”
Grabbing Nylion’s head, I leaned forward and kissed him. It was almost angry, this press of my lips to another’s, nothing like I’d ever done with Ren, but then, I supposed that was what would happen after everything we’d gone through over… over our entire lives, really.
Nylion went dead beneath my hands, and I worried that I’d done something wrong again. I’d thought… After seeing that memory of when we’d been torn apart, it had seemed like…
But then, Nylion moved his hands to the back of my head, and he kissed me back, and OH MY GODS. What was this incessant pull toward my other half, this tug that pressed our hips together, smashing our sternums into one another? And why did I feel like I was being sucked into-?
Chapter 60: Personal Trouble
Raimie
The study’s door banged open, and in the split second after it had, there was no separation in the being named NylRaimie, only us, but then, we fell apart, leaving me gasping as I clung to my desk while Nylion stared wide-eyed at me.
“That was…” he breathed.
A hammer slammed down on my head, and I clenched my teeth together so hard that I thought they might break. My last hour might have been full of wellbeing and… something distinctly else, but it hadn’t erased my hangover.
We’ll talk about it later, I managed to squeeze through the pain.
“Agreed,” Nylion groaned.
For once, he didn’t disappear when he felt me moving my focus elsewhere, merely stepping back, and I paid attention to the voice filling my study.
“-promised you’d stay with Ring!” Oswin roared, stomping up the stairs to me. “How are we supposed to keep you safe if you keep traipsing off on your own?”
“Sorry. If it helps, I was very, very drunk. Shade melding home wasn’t a conscious decision,” I hissed through gritted teeth. “Now that you mention Ring, though, I should probably check on her, huh? Leaving her alone with those crazy Matvai probably wasn’t a good idea.”
I was not looking for the slightest excuse to run from Oswin and was definitely not fleeing from an unspoken confession. The spymaster had simply surprised me with his presence.
So, I found something that would remove me from it for a short time, enough so that I could bury memories of my past with Oswin and all we’d once been to one another. By shade melding to the Matvai’s ceremonial hall, I could become another version of myself, someone devoid of those memories for long enough to avoid rousing Oswin’s suspicions. Long enough to delay with speaking a truth I’d been concealing for months.
How fortunate that the sun had created a patch of shadows around me.
“Raimie, no!” Oswin yelled.
But I didn’t listen to him. Fixing the ceremonial hall’s rough, wooden walls in my mind, I let the shadows take me. They merged with what made me ‘Raimie’ and tore it apart, setting the fragments floating.
Images passed: fleeting glimpses of people, a house where a familiar man stared at a metal belt, a charred forest that was only now showing signs of life, a room draped in decadent silks and hazed by incense smoke, a city with buildings coated in white light and filled with black-vined people, a roughhewn wood room with intricate carvings in the columns, a cave where a bear stirred from its hibernation. Wait. Go back one. Yes, that was the place. Now let go, shadows of greed.
Rolling out of a darkened corner, I ended up on my back with my limbs splayed. A lantern was hanging above me, and I stared single-mindedly at its gorgeous flame and lack of shadows.
“I told female yu’d be back,” a deep voice grumbled nearby.
“Sigemond,” I said with a sigh. “Got anything that’ll help with a hangover?”
Rustling sounds came from behind me, followed by the trickle of liquid, and after that cut off, Sigemond lumbered to stand over me, offering me a glass of water.
“That is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I said.
Snatching the glass from the barkeep, I greedily gulped it down.
“Why are yu back?” Sigemond asked. “Taelk did nut gu well yesterday.”
“I wanted to make sure that Ring was safe,” I said, glancing around the mostly empty room. “Is she safe?”
“Said sumthing about finding someone to punch,” Sigemond said with a laugh. “My people will be mur than haeppy to comply.”
“Great. Let’s hope she doesn’t cause a diplomatic incident,” I said. “Not that she could do much to ruin the negotiations more than I already have.”
I finished off my water, relieved that my headache had started receding.
“Speaking of negotiations, anything mur to say to Vasnavai?” Sigemond asked.
“Mm.”
Was there anything else to say? Was gaining uninterrupted access to the North Sea’s storm-free waters worth dealing with the contrary people who guarded the passes to it?
“Oh, come, heart of my heart,” Nylion said. “You know you like them.”
With an absent smile, I said, “You can tell her that I agree to her terms. The outlaw of your gods’ worship will be overturned. I never understood why Ada’ir and Auden insist on the sole worship of Alouin. No other realm does it, and I don’t care who or what my people choose to place their faith in, so long as they remain loyal to their kingdom as well.”
Sigemond slowly clapped.
“Nice speech. But Vasnavai will never believe you,” he said. “Wun’t believe me either, if I’m one to tell.”
“You can say that I’m returning this as a sign of good faith.”
Pulling a dagger off of my belt, I handed it to Sigemond, and as he accepted it, the barkeep-turned-emissary looked confused. When he examined the dagger’s ivory-bone hilt and its razor-thin, obsidian blade, however, wonder suffused his face.
“This is…” he said before something unknown strangled his voice.
“The dagger your Vasnavai almost threw at my face last night?” I said. “Yes, I know.”
Sigemond shook his head.
“This is wud maekes Vasnavai the Vasnavai,” he said with wide eyes. “By taeking this, yu have become leader of claens.”
Fucking really?
Sigemond tried to give the dagger back, but shuddering, I backed away from it.
“I don’t want it,” I said. “Return it to Vasnavai Dyomina. I have enough on my plate. Such as going home so Oswin can finish murdering me with his screaming.”
Sigemond’s wordless stare conveyed his incredulity, and at my side, Nylion shook his head, seemingly agreeing with the barkeep.
“You will regret this someday, I think,” he said. “We could use them.”
Maybe, I said, but I’m having a hard enough time with managing Auden. Let’s not throw another group of people into the mix, yes?
Snorting, Nylion followed me into the room’s corner, and I let its shadows take me before my foot hit the floor . Soon enough, I stumbled out the other side and into my office. Glancing around, I threw my arms above my head with a whoop.
“Three successful trips in twelve hours!” I said. “Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this.”
“Raimie, watch—” Nylion started.
Someone grabbed my arm, twisting it behind me, and before I could break away, my assailant shoved me into a chair with cold iron binding my wrist to wood.
“—your surroundings,” my other half finished with a sigh.
But I only smiled.
“Where were you hiding this, Oswin?” I asked, lifting the shackle around my wrist with a light tug. “Our uniforms are so tight! I thought concealing anything under them was impossible.”
When he pressed steel against my neck, though, I went cold.
“Shut up,” Oswin snapped. “This isn’t a game.”
“What is he doing?” Nylion hissed.
Standing beside the chair, he wrapped his fingers around Oswin’s wrist, but this did nothing to stop the spy.
“Oswin,” I said, careful not to swallow so his blade wouldn’t break my skin, “what are you doing?”
Slamming a hand on the chairs’ backrest over my shoulder, Oswin bent to my eye level.
“Do you see, Raimie?” he said. “Do you see how easy it would be to kill you? If I were anyone else, your throat would be cut, and you’d be bleeding out on the floor right now.”
Coldly, I said, “I’m perfectly capable of handling myself.”
I raised a handful of Daevetch into view, silently begging Nylion to back off, and to my relief, he reluctantly did so.
“You’ve seen me in the field,” I continued. “How many murderous criminals have we eliminated over the last two years?”
“That’s different!” Oswin shouted in my face. “You’re talking about the average bandit. I’m talking about assassins, people trained to kill you before you know they’re there!”
For a moment, I blinked at him, trying to fit this view of Oswin in with what I knew about him.
Crossing his arms, Nylion said, “Something else is the matter.”
Looks that way, doesn’t it?
“All right,” I said.
Slowly, I pushed the dagger away from my neck, holding Oswin’s gaze the whole time.
“What’s going on?” I said. “I’ve noticed your agitation over the last few weeks, no matter how much you might be trying to hide it. Something’s bothering you. What is it?”
As his jaw tightened, Oswin removed his dagger, replacing it in his hand with a key. He crouched to unlock the shackle around my wrist.
“I’m almost certain a traitor is lurking within our ranks,” he said. “I’ve received reports… well, let’s just say I have good reason for my suspicion. The trouble is, I don’t know who this unknown spy is working for. The only nation that we could have been enemies with has become our greatest ally, and we should be beneath the notice of everyone else, too broken from years of tyranny for any other kingdom to want our land. Not yet, at least.”
“It’s Doldimar,” I said, rubbing my wrist. “Has to be.”
Stiffening, Oswin fell into the posture of a soldier, addressing his superior.
“As you say, sir.”
Huffing, Nylion turned away from him.
“Why do they always do that?” he said.
I didn’t know, but it was annoying.
“What? Not going to tell me to let it go? That two years have passed since the Dark Lord disappeared? That what drove him out of Elisk must have scared him away for good?” I said. “Everyone else mocks my continued belief that Doldimar’s watching us. Why not you too?”
“I’d never question you, not about the Dark Lord or anything else you truly believe in, sir. Never,” Oswin said. “You’ve simply reminded me of the reason that I rushed here as soon as I heard you were home, besides to remind you of your Hand’s purpose at the moment. I’d straighten up the evidence of your current obsession, if I were you.”
This… already didn’t sound good.
“Why is that?” I asked.
“Last night, Kaedesa arrived in Elisk, and having heard about your unexpected homecoming this morning, she’s eager to speak with you,” Oswin said, raising an eyebrow. “I believe she mentioned something about wedding plans?”
Oh, gods.
“Where is she?” I snapped. “I have to… gods, I need to hide.”
“You could shade meld elsewhere,” Nylion said. “It would get us away from her.”
True, but that would be running. Hiding, I could stomach right now. Running from the problem, though… I was already doing enough of that.
“How is hiding going to do you any good, sir?” Oswin said. “She’ll eventually find you.”
“Where is she?” I shouted.
With a wicked grin, Oswin said, “You see, this is why I was telling you to straighten up. She should be approaching the door now. Give it a second.”
Backing toward the head of the stairs, he gestured.
“May I present Her Royal Majesty, Queen Kaedesa of Ada’ir!”
When the study’s door was flung open, the woman herself stormed inside with all of her fiery temper brought to bear.
“There you are,” she snapped.
Through a tight throat, I managed to say, “Hello, Kaedesa. I wasn’t aware that you’d graced our shores with your presence once more. Is Dath with you this time?”
As she advanced up the stairs, Nylion and I both took unconscious steps back, raising our hands, and when she stopped in front of me, she poked my chest.
“Cut the bullshit. You know why I’m here,” Auntie Kaedesa said. “When’s the wedding? Have you set a date?”
Not this. I could take anything but the wedding today. Previously hidden memories had been running strong through me this morning, especially with what Nylion and I had done earlier, and every instance of guarding Kaedesa’s door when training to be part of her Hand, every time she’d once treated me like her favorite kid nephew, slammed into the forefront of my mind when I looked at her.
I still hadn’t figured out why she didn’t remember me.
“If I recall correctly,” I faintly said, “you’re the one who was supposed to make the arrangements.”
“I did, and I have, and still, I wait for you,” Auntie Kaedesa snapped. “How long will you keep me in suspense like this?”
At my side, Nylion said, “Have you been dealing with this while I have been sulking?”
Don’t worry about it, Nyl, I hurriedly said.
“Good gods, you have!” Nylion said. “I am so sorry, heart of my heart.”
“Raimie!” Auntie Kaedesa shrieked through her gritted teeth.
“I- I wanted to guarantee that you receive everything you once bargained for,” I stammered. “I’m not the king of Auden yet, despite the long list of people who insist on calling me ‘Your Majesty’.”
“And why is that? Still waiting for the people’s decision between you and that upstart, Kylorian?” Auntie Kaedesa said. “Really, Raimie, you should know by now that you’ve captured your subjects’ hearts. Stop delaying what must come next!
“You’ve spent enough time on your silly projects. Using your primeancy to restore roads and villages, your fighting prowess to eliminate bandits, and your skills with diplomacy to set up an alliance with the Matvai, of all people! Alouin, Raimie! You’re already doing the king’s job! Take up the position in truth.”
Silly… projects? Everything I’d done over the last two years to help people who’d been bleeding their need across Auden?
And like that, memories fell away from me while my flustered state flattened to nothing, and I calmly blinked at Kaedesa, waiting for more. All the while, Nylion glared at Ada’ir’s queen, taking my hand.
“Oh, are you finished?” I said, when it was clear she had nothing else to say. “I was planning to next share that we’ve set an investiture date. I’d request that our wedding wait until after I’m king. That way, when we marry, you’ll truly be the queen of Auden.”
“And Ada’ir,” Kaedesa snapped.
Pausing, I cocked my head.
“Again, something else is the matter,” Nylion said. “What else could it be besides the delay that she mentioned, though?”
Nodding to him, I said, “Are you not pleased? I thought this was what you wanted, Auntie.”
I didn’t know why her former nickname had slipped through the cracks of my natural guardedness, but on hearing it, Kaedesa flinched, retreating a step.
“Why do you call me that sometimes?” she said. “I’m not… You call me that, and I know I’ve heard it before.”
I had nothing to say. If she didn’t remember it, I couldn’t tell her about the times when my father had brought me to see her as a child or of how she would sneak through the palace to read me the occasional bedtime story. Our relationship was already strained and disconcerting enough. I couldn’t add to that.
Fortunately, Kaedesa dropped the subject, hugging herself instead.
“Is something wrong with me?” she asked. “I know I’m at least moderately pretty, and I bring enormous wealth and influence to the table. So, why has this marriage been resisted and delayed at every step? Why has it been two years and we’re still in the midst of a betrothal? What’s wrong with me?”
“Nothing!” I shouted.
She couldn’t dissolve into tears, and… I couldn’t see her like that. Even with all that was strange about our relationship, I cared for this woman, even if I wasn’t entirely sure why.
“She was the mother we should have had,” Nylion said.
I shot him a glare. That was not helping with anything.
“You’re wonderful, Kaedesa!” I said. “I’m lucky to have you.”
When she looked at me, such pleading poured from her that I had trouble containing my flinch.
“Then why…?” she said.
Hell. I couldn’t tell her the truth, not in a hundred years, so glancing to the side, I lied.
“I’m not ready to be tied down.”
With the sudden cessation of our shouting, our breathing loudly echoed against the study’s tall ceiling.
“Liar,” Kaedesa said after a moment.
Spinning, she rubbed her eyes while flying down the stairs and slamming the door behind her.
“Gods damnit,” I muttered.
“You did the best you could, heart of my heart,” Nylion said.
Something like a squeeze was pressed against my hand.
“And I will be here to help in the future.”
I don’t like hurting her, I said.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the closed door with the memory of Kaedesa’s face at the end stabbing at me.
“I know,” Nylion said.
“I didn’t know we had an investiture planned, sir.”
Snapping back to my surroundings, I blinked at Oswin for a moment before shaking my head to clear it.
“We don’t. Eledis does. And she’s right,” I said. “The people have chosen, but I’ve delayed with acknowledging it because… well, because I’m terrified.”
I met my friend’s gaze, wondering what I’d see there.
“Understandable, sir,” Oswin said.
The pity in the spy’s tone and eyes pricked at my pride, and hearing it, I bit back a host of scathing remarks.
“I suppose I should find Eledis and ask him to finish with his preparations,” I said instead. “Are you going to follow me there? Even though we’re in the palace?”
“Yes,” Oswin said, “I know having a bodyguard around bothers you, but it’s truly necessary. Don’t worry, sir. I’ll be discreet. This time.”
With a hesitant smile, I said, “In that case, I won’t leave you in my dust.”
“Much appreciated, sir.”
I couldn’t tell if he’d been using sarcasm with that or not.
Chapter 61: Admitting Defeat
Kylorian
Sitting across from Besunthet, the mayor of Sotchal, I watched him talk and tap on his desk, all while knowing I wasn’t going to get what I wanted out of this conversation.
“I’m sorry, young man. I really am,” he said. “You’ve done many great things for my city and for Auden as a whole, but in the end, I don’t think you’re the best fit for Auden’s throne. I think, perhaps, you already know this.”
Damn him for seeing through my mask to my true thoughts. I already had one person who did that on a regular basis. I didn’t need another one in my life.
Keeping my face locked in neutrality, I said, “I see.”
Damn him for denying me! Damn him for not seeing how badly I needed this.
“If that's so, then I should move on,” I continued. “Thank you for your time.”
Standing from my chair, I bowed to Besunthet before turning to leave, but before I could make my escape, he stopped me short.
“Kylorian, wait,” he said. “We’ve gotten to know each other well over the last two years of this ridiculous contest. Wouldn’t you say so?”
After biting my lip to force away violent images of smacking the shit out of the man behind me, I turned on him with a smile.
“That sounds about right, yes,” I said.
Nodding, Besunthet said, “Then, I hope you won’t mind if I make an observation. Throughout the time you’ve spent trying to gain my people’s approval, you’ve always seemed earnest and ready to help, but to me, it looks like you’ve been holding yourself back as well. As if you don’t truly want what you’re trying to gain. So, I have to wonder. If becoming Auden’s king isn’t what you want, then is there another reason you’ve been working so hard to achieve that goal?”
Those images of wanting to smack this man? They’d been upgraded to much worse imaginings, and I held back a wince as they popped into my mind. I didn’t actually want to hurt this man, no matter how annoying he was currently being. He’d been kind to me over the last two years, and as a result, it was fair turnabout for me to answer his question. It didn’t matter that he’d honed in on the one issue I absolutely did not want to discuss right now.
“I’ve always had a reason for everything I do,” I told him, “but those reasons aren’t something I’m willing to share, especially given your recent decision, Besunthet. I’m sorry.”
Making a face, the other man nodded.
“That’s entirely fair,” he said. “In that case, all I can say is good luck, young man. Over the years, you’ve shown me and the people of Sotchal how honorable you are. I wish you joy and happiness in your future endeavors.”
With a half bow to him, I said, “The same to you.”
There was nothing more to say here, so I hurried out of the mayor’s office, heading for where my people had camped outside of town. As I strode down the single, dusty street of Sotchal, its citizens called out or raised their hands in greeting, and I forced myself to return those gestures, no matter how much I’d rather storm through here and get out of town. Despite their mayor's decision, I’d like to maintain the relationships I’d established with these people. Alouin knew how badly I might need their friendly disposition in the future.
Ren was waiting for me several steps outside of town, leaning against her horse with her arms crossed, a frown on her face, and a stiff grass stalk—of all things—between her lips. Said stalk moved to the other side of her mouth when she saw me, although she continued chewing on it.
“Well?” she mumbled with raised eyebrows.
Passing her without a word, I shook my head, soon hearing her heave a sigh behind me. Nothing more came from her, though, and within a quarter mark, we were back with the handful of people who’d come with us on this sojourn. I knew most of them—men and women who’d accompanied me on missions before Doldimar had disappeared—and from most of them, I didn’t receive more than a terse greeting. They knew better than to add more when I was like this. I’d always be grateful to them for noticing when my mood had turned this sour.
The others, however, were eager to know how my meeting with Besunthet had gone. Somehow, I managed to get them calmed down without answering their questions, and after grabbing dinner from the man assigned that chore this evening, I led Ren into the wilderness around camp.
After getting far enough that our voices wouldn’t carry, I found a log to sit on, motioning for Ren to join me. She opted to sit on the ground rather than beside me, which was mildly irritating, but as I’d learned how to do over the last two years, I breathed that irritation out before it could cause problems.
We were several bites into our meal before Ren started the conversation with:
“So, it was a no, then?”
Tensing, I clicked my teeth around my wooden spoon, hard enough for its surface to splinter, and after calmly storing said spoon in a pocket, I lifted my bowl to sip from it.
After lowering it again, I said, “It was a no.”
Ren made a face, which had at least one corner of my mouth rising into a smile. Throughout this process, she’d insisted on remaining solely on my side. I knew where her heart and therefore, loyalty truly lay, but even still, she’d never shown me anything less than full support when coming out of meetings with town mayors or other such tasks.
“So…” she drawled, carefully watching my face, “what’s the plan now?”
Now, I should return to Tiro, making pit stops at the cities and towns between here and there, but the idea of doing that exhausted me, and I couldn’t bear to consider what might be waiting at the end of that trip.
So, I said, “I’m not sure yet, but I’ll have an idea for our next destination by the time we head out in the morning.”
Ducking her head, Ren nodded, focusing on her food for a while, but I knew she had something more to say. We’d been traveling together for the last two years, so I’d come to know her tells even better than I might have known them before.
Soon enough, she set her bowl aside. I pretended not to notice, continuing to eat while she gathered herself.
With a deep breath, Ren finally said, “Ky, why are you doing this?”
Slowing down with my slurping, I eyed Ren, wondering where she was going with this. For this whole trip, she hadn’t once asked me about why I believed I might deserve the throne, unlike almost everyone else we’d encountered. Her repertoire of questions had mostly involved ‘Where to next?’, ‘What do you need?’, and other ones similar to those two.
I could tell how serious she was with this question, though, so setting the bowl aside, I clasped my hands together while leaning on my knees.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
I wanted to make sure I knew exactly what she was asking about. Ren would always get an answer from me, no matter what she might ask, but unless she asked first, I didn’t plan to tell her much about what was going on with me. I hadn’t done that since a rebellious trip away from Tiro and the resulting meeting with a long-estranged friend.
Fortunately, Ren knew what I was doing. Most people would use a statement like mine to avoid the question, but I genuinely wasn’t doing that, only wanting to clarify.
With a look of concentration, Ren said, “I mean… this doesn’t seem like your fight anymore, if it ever was in the first place. In fact, it's only upset you at every turn. You’ve even commented about how you believe that of the two of you, Raimie would make the better king, and yet, you’re still participating in this contest of yours. So, if being the king isn’t your goal, like it seems, why are you fighting for it?”
Damn, she’d gone straight for that one, hadn’t she? It was just like the mayor from before.
Thank Alouin, my sick and beleaguered brain didn’t conjure a twisted fantasy about her for me, unlike with Besunthet. Because of that, I could take the time to think about her question, figuring out how to best phrase my response. It must be spoken right, otherwise Ren might find out about certain things. Things I didn't want her to know. I didn’t know if I could give her a true answer without at least referencing those things, though.
Before I could finish the process, Ren quietly added.
“It’s not because you hate Raimie, is it?”
And I could only blink in response. Hate… Raimie? Did she think that was how I felt about the man? No wonder she seemed intent on learning why I’d tried so hard with this contest!
Slipping off the log, I knelt in front of Ren, taking her hands.
“Ren… II don’t hate Raimie. I never have,” I said. “He is a better and nobler man than most I’ve come across, and I greatly respect him for that. I promise. I’m not contesting the throne out of some need to spite him.”
Lifting her eyes to mine, Ren raised an eyebrow, and I knew what she wanted to say before she spoke a word. Sighing, I glanced to the side.
“I know I was harsh on him and you the last time he came up,” I said. “I was in a bad place when we were in Vale. Hadrion had died, and some unexpected things had happened on the trip I’d just come home from. So, I said and did a lot of things I didn’t mean and that I still regret. And this is something I should have told you long before now. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied, I might have. I’m sorry, Ren.”
She merely rolled her eyes, refusing to accept my apology, as ever.
Cocking her head, Ren said, “Then, why…?”
I released her, sitting back on my ankles and rubbing my face.
“Because I have to take the throne, no matter how I feel about it,” I said through my hands. “If I don’t, I don’t know what sort of awful things he might ask from me and I… I…”
I was terrified that I wouldn’t say no when those demands eventually came.
Ren gently circled her fingers around my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face.
“Who’s he?” she softly asked.
I froze up. That was a question I should have expected her to ask, but I hadn’t and now….
Oh, Alouin, what should I say? How did I answer that truthfully without- without-?
Hell, I couldn’t even think about the answer to that question without- without-
With her frown deepening, Ren said, “Is it Dury? I know he’s gotten a lot more… harsh, we’ll call it, over the last two years.”
Oh, thank fuck, she’d said that, so I didn’t have to speak a word.
Mutely, I nodded, unable to meet her gaze, and she squeezed me.
“You know you can always tell him to back off, right?” she said. “It isn’t that hard.”
And I went dead, wanting so badly to laugh but also desperately needing to cry.
She doesn’t know, I reminded myself. She can NEVER know.
So, I smiled as best I could and said.
“Of course.”
I needed this conversation to be over now. I needed release this pressure inside, the pain in my head that had gotten more intense as the day had gone on. It was stabbing at me now, and I knew of only one safe way to relieve it, or the only one available to me right now.
If Ivelais were here…
But they weren’t. I’d have to make do until I could see them again.
Fortunately, the sudden need to see Ivelais had given me the perfect answer to Ren’s original question.
“Well, now that you’ve forced that out of me, maybe it’s time to do what I should have done months ago,” I said. “Tomorrow, we’ll head for Elisk, and when we arrive, I’ll talk with Raimie. I’ll resolve the differences between us, but then, I’ll concede defeat in this contest of ours. After the last few months, it’s clear that he’s won our people’s love and devotion, and I’m glad for that. They deserve a man like him on the throne.”
Not one like me, that was for sure.
Ren let out a slow breath, as if it was one she’d been holding for a while, and I wondered how long she’d been waiting for me to make this decision.
“I think that’ll be for the best,” she said.
In a rush, she lurched forward to hug me, and after struggling to keep from falling over, I returned her embrace. I let myself breathe her in, feel her body heat, enjoy this moment because I knew once we reached Elisk, I might not get something like this for a while. With the contest for the throne over, Ren wouldn’t be my ally anymore, and as a consequence, she’d be able to do something she’d wanted for the last two years.
Here was hoping Raimie wouldn’t reject her outright when she came to him, and if he did, I hoped he was gentler with her than he had been on first breaking things off between them. I didn’t like recalling what a mess Ren had been in the months after he’d left Tiro.
When she released me, Ren hesitantly smiled, tucking her hair behind her ears.
“I’m glad you’re finally doing something you want, Ky,” she said. “I’ve been worried about you for a while now.”
I jerked back, feeling my cheeks heating.
“Yes, well…”
But I didn’t know what else to say. Apparently, nothing more was needed, though, as Ren simply chuckled into her hand.
“All right. I’ll go find somewhere to sleep now,” she said. “What about you?”
I wouldn’t be sleeping for a long while yet, but she didn’t need to know that.
“I’ll join you soon enough,” I said. “First, I need to walk the perimeter and check on those keeping watch.”
Nodding, Ren grinned before leaping to her feet. She kissed her palm before pushing it into the top of my head.
“Ok. Good night, Ky!”
My own ‘good night’ followed her back toward the others, and for a little while, I sat there, watching them prepare for sleep. Once they looked settled, though, I got to my feet, heading out in search of something—anything, really—to track.
When I stumbled across some scat and a pawprint leading off to the west, I started that way, pushing the process of accomplishing this task to the side so I could think about everything that had happened today.
I’d given up on being Auden’s king. That thought alone sent a shiver over my body, and I had to shake out my hands to stop the shiver from reversing course.
Because I hadn’t been lying to Ren. I was well and truly petrified about what might happen, now that I wouldn’t have absolute control over this kingdom that I loved.
Not that I would have been able to stop anything horrible from happening to Auden, even with that control. Nobody could control nature or time or the world like that, but the illusion of it had been helping me with keeping my ever-present panic under the surface.
I’d have to talk about it with Ivelais when I next saw them. Hopefully, they’d have some ideas for how to cope with it, now that my current method of doing so wasn’t viable anymore.
With my thoughts turned to Ivelais, I winced. That relationship had gotten complicated over the last two years.
When I’d first found them after the battle of the Birthing Grounds, they’d responded… callously to the news of Hadrion’s death, which had sent me across the countryside in a rage. For a short while, I’d loathed Daevetch and the people attached to it, more than I normally did at least. I’d thought everyone associated with Daevetch were the scum of the earth, which had made resolving my conflicting thoughts about Raimie… difficult for that time.
Fortunately, Ivelais had caught up with me before long. I’d already done some damage to myself before then, but they’d gotten to me before anything utterly disastrous could occur.
Even still, I’d almost lost it on them when they’d showed up out of the blue. They, however, had gotten me calmed down before explaining why they’d reacted as they had to my news. We’d been in a weird range of close and distanced since then.
But Ivelais had become my confidante in many ways, much like Hadrion and Ren had once been. They had experience with the many aspects of my life that I couldn’t get away from. The ones hat I still tried to escape with every choice I made. Because of that, though, Ivelais had been invaluable when it came to keeping me functional. They’d kept me from racing into the ruins of Lyzencroft, never to be seen again.
In the last few months, Ivelais had settled in a remote corner of Elisk’s uninhabited neighborhoods, which meant I’d have to keep my current problems under wraps until we reached the city. I could do that, though. I’d done it for far longer than the week it would take to make this journey before.
Thinking about the capital, though, brought up my worries about the coming confrontation with Raimie.
Could I confess everything I’d hidden from him, everything he’d need to understand if we were to be friends again? That I didn’t blame him for Hadrion. That his involvement with my brother’s death wasn’t what had driven my sense of turmoil about him, no matter that it had started it. That I desperately needed his help if I was to escape the horror of my life.
How was I supposed to express all of that to him when I couldn’t admit its many details to myself?
“You’re gonna be fine, boyo,” I whispered. “Just another few weeks of stress and it’ll all be over, one way or another.”
Which was incredibly true.
Slowly breathing out, I forced myself to relax, bringing my focus back to the hunt. I could do this. I’d get through this last bit of hell, and once it was over, maybe I could finally, finally live my life the way I’d always wanted to.
Chapter 62: And Her
Raimie
I strode down the now familiar, eerie halls of the palace toward Eledis’ quarters, and true to his word, Oswin nonchalantly trailed me at a distance, disappearing among the slow-moving flow of people when we reached a more populated floor. Unfortunately, this gave me time to consider what I was doing.
I’d agreed to become the king of Auden. Holy shit. How had that happened?
When I’d accepted my role years ago, before the chaotic months of battle and death, I’d kept hidden at the back of my mind the certainty that someone would eventually come along to take the throne from me. That belief had never been fulfilled, despite my hopes with Kylorian. Even now, I kept expecting someone to step forward, announcing a greater claim to the throne, but no such disturbance disrupted my path. Instead, every step closer to Eledis became another shovelful of dirt, burying me beneath a prestigious position that I’d never wanted.
You should be happy, I said. I know the idea of ruling a people has always appealed to you.
With his arms folded behind his back, Nylion shrugged.
“It should be interesting,” he said. “I am more concerned about what happened earlier this morning. What was that, Raimie?”
Us merging for the first time in years? I said. No, that’s not true. We did it after Hadrion died…
We both fell silent, fighting off the melancholy that still afflicted us when the teenager’s name came up.
“I meant what happened before that,” Nylion eventually said. “You… kissed me. I thought you… Why did you do it? And why right then, after I decided that our relationship is more important than revenge?”
Smirking, I diverged from a straight path until I bumped into Nylion.
I told you. I’ve been wanting to do that since Vale, I said. I don’t know, Nyl. I have… feelings for you, maybe more than what comes from us being US. I don’t know what they are, but I need to find out. I didn’t get a chance to do that with… Ren, and I don’t want to miss an opportunity like that again.
Stopping short, I ignored people’s protests as they scrambled to keep from running into me.
If you’re willing, I’d like to explore this, I said. I want to know if I can return the affection that you’ve expressed for me, strange as that will be for who we are.
With wide eyes, Nylion stared at me, unmoving. It was almost as if someone had frozen him into stone until he reached to hover a hand along my jaw.
“Gods, I want to kiss you,” he said. “Maybe if we were not in such a public place.”
The pads of his fingertips pressed into my skin with an electric pulse jolting from the contact, and I barely kept from gasping.
“Thank you, heart of my heart,” Nylion said. “You have freed me, fought to remember me, and now, you give me hope. I do not know how I can repay you but-”
You DON’T, I interrupted. Damnit, Nyl. You owe me nothing.
Nylion dragged his fingers along my face until one of them was left resting on my lower lip.
“And that is one reason why I love you,” he whispered.
Someone took hold of my elbow, dragging me into a side passage, and I cast an annoyed look at Oswin.
“I know. You were in the middle of some big epiphany,” he said, “but it didn’t seem like a good idea to have it in the middle of the palace staff. Besides, I found something you should see while you were distracted.”
Huffing, I glanced at Nylion, who smiled and shook his head. Apparently, nothing further was needed there. Still, I wasn’t happy that our conversation had simply… ended. I could feel something flitting around the edge of my consciousness before Oswin had pulled me away, some memory or realization.
Whatever it had been, it was gone now. I followed Oswin until we slipped out of an exterior door, setting foot in the gardens.
‘Gardens’ wasn’t necessarily the best word for the piece of paradise found around the palace, though. Since the victorious (awful) day of Elisk’s liberation, Rhylix’s jungle had been partially tamed with its grass and low-hanging branches trimmed, but besides that, this miniature example of a forest had been untouched.
Oftentimes, Eliskians would visit the gardens to commune with nature or to enjoy the hush that the tall trees provided, blocking out city noise as they did. As a rule, I avoided this place—too many bad memories—but today, I was grateful Oswin had brought me here.
Within the forest’s fringe, a woman was lying on a blanket with her eyes closed and her black hair strewn above her head. As usual, she prompted a mix of desire and comfort in me, but this time, a deep, roaring anger was buzzing there as well. I hadn’t seen Ren since the night I’d returned to Tiro from the Birthing Grounds.
“Thank you,” I said.
I didn’t question how Oswin had known that Ren would be here, only counting myself lucky to have him on my side.
“You’re welcome,” Oswin said. “Happy birthday.”
Damnit. That was today, wasn’t it?
Wait.
As every muscle in my body clenched, I stiffly faced the spy. A teasing grin was covering Oswin’s face, and on seeing it, I curled my fingers into fists.
“We’ve talked about this,” I said. “Birthdays aren’t special for me. They’re just another day.”
“I know,” Oswin said, “but this gift was too good. I had to give it to you.”
“You say that every year!” I growled.
“Maybe I want to see how long it takes before you lose your temper and punch me.”
“Don’t tempt me,” I said.
“Isn’t that the whole point, sir?”
Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, repeatedly clenching and opening my hands.
“Stay here,” I said.
When the spy obeyed me, I was mildly surprised. Oswin liked to pick and choose which orders he’d follow, and I’d thought for sure that being anywhere near Ren without backup would be one of those times.
“You just want him with you for support,” Nylion said.
So what if I do? I said. Gods, I think I might pass out.
“You can do this.”
As I approached Ren, she pulled herself upright, warily watching my every move. I stopped outside the perimeter of her blanket’s spread, scrambling for something to say. It had been almost two years. How did I break a silence that had stretched for so long?
“Ren,” I said with a nod.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. What was wrong with me?
“Raimie,” Ren said. “What was that about?”
She gestured toward Oswin, who was scanning the perimeter like a good, little bodyguard should. Snarky asshole.
“Oh,” I said.
Shit. How should I explain that conversation?
“It was nothing,” I continued. “He was wishing me a happy birthday.”
“It’s your birthday?” Ren said with her face brightening.
There. A miniscule glimpse of her bubbly side poked through the rest, letting a tiny piece of me relax.
“Apparently,” I said.
“Why do you sound so sour about it?” Ren asked.
“I…”
Biting my lip, I looked away from her and toward Nylion. My other half was watching everything with amusement, and gods, if I didn’t want to stick my tongue out at him right now.
“Tell her the truth, heart of my heart,” Nylion said. “In all things, only speak the truth with her.”
He was right, gods damnit.
“I don’t like birthdays, is all,” I said. “May I sit?”
I pointed at a spot on the blanket beside her.
Spreading an arm, Ren said, “Be my guest.”
While Nylion folded to the ground, I settled in beside him, trying not to overanalyze that first interaction’s awkwardness. Why was this so hard?
“It’s been a while,” Ren said.
“Yes, it has. A couple of years or so, I believe.”
Like I hadn’t been counting every day spent away from her. Gods, what a sappy fool.
“How have you been?” I asked.
“Oh, you know. I’ve been ok. Mostly following Kylorian around Auden. You have good timing! We returned from a trip to Sotchal a couple of hours ago. Ky’s off getting us somewhere to sleep, but then, he mentioned going into the city,” Ren said. “But yes, I’ve been with him for the last two years, making sure he doesn’t get himself killed, like Hadrion.”
At the mention of her younger brother, her voice tightened, and I pulled my knees to my chest.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “If I had only…”
I trailed off, unable to continue, and turning to me, Ren cocked her head.
“Why do you do that?” she asked. “Take the blame for tragedies that aren’t your fault, I mean.”
What could I say? That I must take partial blame for Hadrion’s death? If I confessed such remorse, Ren would want to know why I was at fault, and I’d have to lie to her, which Nylion had said not to do. Considering its contents involved secrets that she could never learn, though, the truth was forbidden to her. No one could know about Nylion.
The last time we’d shared his presence with those closest to us, they’d banished him from my life. So, it was better to brush the subject away, even if doing so was sure to scare away her skittish willingness to speak with me.
“You should tell her,” Nylion said.
Sitting cross-legged in the grass, he rolled his eyes at my incredulous look.
“You told Rhylix about me against my wishes, and none of my fears about your choice have come to pass. In fact, he has been… kind about me,” he said, frowning as if that statement was still hard to believe. “Perhaps we can trust Ren as well. I believe she is ready to learn about me, and gods know I do not want her fleeing from us again. So, tell her. She should have the truth. What is the worst that can happen? She rejects us again?”
Staring at him, I said, And you’re ok with this? Given what you said not ten minutes earlier and knowing how I feel about her, you’re ok with me opening up?
Wouldn’t that cause problems with… whatever we were? I knew more about love and romance now than I had before. I knew most people in an intimate relationship got overly jealous if their partner showed interest in someone else. If I… loved Nylion and he loved me, wouldn’t that fact hold true here?
Clicking his tongue, Nylion said, “Hell, Raimie, I love her too. Remember what we are.”
An extension of one another. Two separate people who were also part of one.
If you’re sure…
With an annoyed huff, Nylion scooted closer to me, placing a hand on my knee, and the spark of that contact, the glow of his reassurance and prodding through our bond, filled me to the brim. It was almost enough to negate my fear.
And now, Ren seemed filled with her own anxiety. Damn, I shouldn’t have hesitated for as long as I had.
“Hadrion’s death was my fault,” I said in a rush. “In the Birthing Grounds, Nyl got distracted by Daevetch’s emotional carryover, and I couldn’t take control from him in time. Maybe if I had, the Enforcer would never have trapped your brother.”
Ren looked at me as if I’d lost my mind.
“I’m… confused,” she said. “Who or what is Nyl?”
Flopping to my back, I let the calming movement of the branches in the wind distract me.
“Answering that question will require a long explanation,” I said with a sigh, “and I don’t know if you’re ready for it.”
Ren lay on her stomach beside me, supporting her head with elbow-propped hands.
“Try me,” she said.
So… I did. Slowly. Hesitantly.
I told her about my childhood, the ever-present Nylion, and our brief years happily spent together. I described our bond, our oneness of mind, and how it had been everything. I explained how my other half had become my protector and the one who’d been there with advice when life had seemed impossible. I gave her bits and pieces of what we’d been evolving into before the worst day of our lives. I shared about the ceremony that our loved ones had performed on my birthday, the one that had both killed my mother and torn us apart.
The long process of finding Nylion again. My joy at being made whole once more. My fury toward those who’d broken us apart in the first place.
I was hesitant to talk about recent developments, but Nylion pushed me into it, an outpouring of all my wants and fears and hopes.
The tale soon came to a close, and I focused on exactly how much I didn’t care what she thought of it. Ren had been the one to stunt the growth of anything good flourishing between us, and therefore, her opinion didn’t matter, but my insistence that I wasn’t eagerly awaiting her reaction was definitely a lie I was telling myself to distract from how much I’d missed her.
Plenty of other women had crossed my path in the years since the time of us. Village girls who’d quite literally thrown themselves at me after I’d saved their home from bandits, town mayors who’d tried to curry favor with me in distinctly uncomfortable ways, the occasional palace maid who’d worked up the courage to slip into my study while I’d been sleeping. Despite my best intentions, some of these surprise interactions had become something more meaningful, although they’d never lasted long. I was promised to another person, after all, and as I'd said, that tended to... stop things.
While I’d learned more about it, I still didn’t quite understand how love, attraction, and sex intersected, even so many years after Hadrion had first tried to explain it to me, but over the last few years, my decidedly strange interactions with women had happened enough for me learn the pattern that other people took when all three of those subjects became involved. I’d learned how to participate, no matter how strange each of those paths had felt at the time.
Even still, I’d been telling myself that my betrothal to Kaedesa was the reason why since Ren, no woman had held my interest for more than a month, but the truth was, none of those relationships had felt right. All of them had lacked a spark, a sense of belonging, or the comfort of home. The problem was, I knew exactly who I wanted in my life, and because she could never be mine, I’d gone looking elsewhere.
Gods, that made me sound like a heartbroken, teenage girl, but it was what I’d done and how I’d felt. I couldn’t deny it. Ren’s opinion of me carried enormous weight.
Beside me, she’d scrunched her face up, and I couldn’t tell what that meant. Was it a display of disbelief? Fear?
“You’re telling me that another person is trapped inside the man I know as Raimie?” she said.
That seemed a bit oversimplified but…
“Yes.”
With her eyes lighting up, Ren said, “Can I meet him?”
Chapter 63: First Outside Interaction
Raimie
As Ren’s words absorbed into my shocked-to-stillness brain, I could swear time crawled around me. Overhead, the trees’ branches bobbed in slow motion while leaves fell at a snail’s crawl.
Did she just…?
I couldn’t finish the thought.
“I… think so.”
Nylion had sounded as dumbstruck as me. Was this not what he’d expected would happen after I’d shared our story?
When I could control my tongue, I asked, “You don’t think I’m crazy?”
Gods, how those words made me cringe, but on hearing them, Ren laughed. She laughed.
“Oh, Raimie,” she gasped. “I’ve thought you were crazy since you decided to face Teron in battle instead of running from him, all those years ago. Now, I have proof that I was right. Guess what?”
Oh, I did not want to respond to that.
“…What?”
Leaning closer to me, Ren mischievously grinned.
“I don’t care,” she whispers.
She… didn’t…
Laughing, Ren straightened, wiping her eyes.
“Alouin, you people from Ada’ir don’t understand, and you never will,” she said. “For centuries, the Audish people have lived with insanity on a daily basis, although that’s lessened considerably since Doldimar disappeared. Even still, you say there’s another person in your head? You know what, Raimie? It. doesn’t. matter. What does is your actions. How you, even with this ‘Nyl’ in your head, live your life. That is all that matters. So, again I ask. Can I meet him?”
“Uh…”
Oh, Alouin above, I was going to cry. I couldn’t cry, so I looked toward Nylion, unsure what to do.
“Why not?” Nylion said with a thick voice.
“…sure,” I said.
As always when Nylion took control, the entire world jolted, and once more, I was stuck inside our body, watching through our eyes. The experience would have been utterly terrifying if I didn’t trust my other half.
How do you want me to act with her? Nylion asked with the question resounding in our head.
This was why my trust existed. Nylion would never intentionally cause a disruption in my life, even though he was the one trapped inside most of the time.
“Do as you wish, Nyl,” I said. “I doubt you can damage what might have existed between Ren and me, more than it already is at least.”
For some reason, my answer panicked Nylion. Shifting, he awkwardly sat up.
“Hello,” he nervously said.
He extended a hand, and sitting up, Ren followed his example, although she didn’t touch her hand to his.
“Hello!” she said.
What is she-?
“They don’t shake hands in Auden, remember?” I said. “Ren’s trying to greet you in a way that’ll make you feel comfortable, but she doesn’t understand this custom of Ada’ir’s. Don’t worry. I did the same thing to Hadrion when we first met.”
Ah. So-?
“Lower the hand and wait to see what she says next,” I said.
This was… strange, being the one giving advice. Still, Nylion followed my suggestion, even if his unease blared from his silence.
“You’re Nylion?” Ren asked, peering into our eyes.
“You may call me Nyl,” my other half said.
“Nice to meet you, Nyl,” Ren said with a smile. “Oh! I meant to ask Raimie. Is that Nyl as in-?”
“Nothing,” Nylion said. “The nickname is a private joke between us since that is what I am, nothing more than a voice in our head.”
“Nyl!” I gasped. “How can you say that?”
Ren, on the other hand, merely burst into laughter on hearing that.
When our arms hugged our chest, she said, “Sorry. I just find the idea that you’re ‘nothing’, as you put it, a little funny, considering you’re speaking with me right now. You seem pretty real to me.”
Shifting, Nylion hugged our arms tighter around himself.
“Forgive my lack of social graces, Ren,” he said, no doubt trying to change the subject. “I am afraid I do not receive many chances for pleasant conversation, besides those I share with Raimie.”
Hell, no wonder he was so nervous. I’d never considered what being trapped in our head might be like for him. Did Nylion get lonely in here? How horrid must those nine years by himself have been, absent our bond!
Why do you think I so badly hunger for vengeance? Nylion said to me.
To Ren, he said, “I hope you can excuse any social gaffs I may have made.”
“You’ve done nothing of the sort,” Ren said. “In fact, you’ve been quite pleasant.”
She smiled at us, which had us gushing warmth at each other through our bond.
Clearing our throat, Nylion said, “Then, forgive me once more, but I must ask you a discomfiting question.”
He shifted our eyes downward.
“I hope you do not mind.”
“Fire away,” Ren said, folding her hands in her lap.
Nylion took a deep breath.
“You said that you have been traveling with Kylorian since we last saw you. Raimie did not grasp the implications of this, given how elated he is to speak with you, but I certainly understood,” Nylion said. “Do you intend to support your brother in his bid for the throne? You have led Tiro’s scouts since Kylorian’s outside activities have claimed his time, especially during Doldimar’s reign. You have more than curried the city’s favor, such that where your final decision goes, Tiro’s is likely to follow.”
So, that was what had claimed so much of her time when we’d been courting. The long conversations with cloth-swaddled soldiers and her excursions into the forest made perfect sense now. How had I missed it?
You were preoccupied with leading your own band of soldiers, Nylion said. Think nothing of it. Picking up on things like this is one reason I am here.
After a moment of quiet filled with much shifting in place, Ren said, “I have no intention of supporting my brother.”
She grimaced at the admission.
“He’s always been the most even-keeled of us siblings, but recently, he’s developed a temper. He knows that he’s lost the contest for the throne, and that knowledge seems to have tipped him over the edge, not that I can blame him. Given how our father has been acting lately…”
Trailing off, Ren shook her head.
“Anyway, any sense of mercy he once had has vanished. For example, on our journey to Elisk, a man tried to steal our horses from us while we were sleeping. When we caught the thief, the poor man tried to plead his case, saying he needed the money from the horses’ sale to feed his family, but Kylorian didn’t care. He cut the man down, and we moved on.”
She bit her lip.
“He can’t be king. Something broke in him when Hadrion died, Raimie, and I don’t know what I can do to fix it.”
Oh, no.
“Nyl, she didn’t mean it!” I cried.
“My name is Nylion.”
Our mouth might have formed those words, but the voice that had emerged was distinctly my other half’s: raw, brutal, and so very, very crushed.
Ren smacked her hand to her lips.
“I am so sorry,” she breathed. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I swear!”
But Nylion turned away.
Can we switch back, please? he asked.
“I don’t know if that’s a good-”
Ren grabbed our hand, and at that, Nylion’s wish to retreat wavered, replaced by something else, something much stronger. Before I could comprehend what was happening, we were huddled, far from the blanket and against a tree’s trunk, shaking like a leaf.
Nyl? Are you ok? She was trying to comfort you, I said. Why-?
“Do not touch me!” Nylion shouted.
Our bond, so recently opened, shuttered closed with a clang, and with it came a vast gulf of separation. Returning to what I’d been between the ages of nine to eighteen jarred me into a listless float, a haze that clouded my thoughts but refused to blessedly cut them off.
How had I lived so empty for so long? How did anyone do that?
“What’s going on? Please, I thought we were… Why won’t you let me in?” I cried. “Please, please, Nyl! I can’t be alone again.”
What had cut me off loosened ever so barely, and I wept at the return of even this bare minimum of contact. Gods, I couldn’t do it again. Never. Never, never.
Leaves crunched, and clothes rustled as Ren settled somewhere nearby. She did as Nylion had asked, however, and kept her hands to herself.
“Both of you do that, you know. When we were together, I had to catch Raimie in unguarded moments if I wanted a genuine reaction from him instead of terror,” she said, crunching closer. “I’m going to rub your neck now, Nyl. That always calmed Raimie down.”
Warm flesh connected with ours, and while Nylion continued trembling at first, he gradually relaxed while her fingers massaged our skin.
“Who hurt you?” Ren whispered after a time, barely audible.
Still, Nylion caught the question, and with a cough, he stood up.
“No one,” he said, clearing our throat, “unless you count weapons masters who went too far with their lessons or tutors who exchanged raps on the knuckle for incorrect answers.”
Frowning, Ren said, “No, whatever it was had to be something more to cause as much damage as I’ve seen in you two.”
“There is nothing else!” Nylion growled.
Storming off, he reached the edge of the blanket before stopping, rubbing our face.
“Thank you for answering my questions,” he said. “I apologize for making it more awkward than it should have been.”
“No, no!” Ren said.
She raced to Nylion, stopping short of taking our hand.
“I’m sorry to have made you uncomfortable and to have forgotten who’s currently in this body,” she said. “Truly, Nylion. I am utterly and completely sorry. Please, forgive my mistake, if you can.”
Glancing at her, Nylion sucked in a breath on seeing tears running over her cheeks, and without thinking, he started wiping them away.
“It is fine. I am ok,” he said. “Please, just… stop this. Do not cry on my behalf. You made a minor mistake with me, if that. It is not worthy of your tears.”
Taking a step back, Ren gently took our wrist, stopping Nylion from touching her.
“Alouin, you’re just like him, aren’t you?” she whispered.
Shrugging, Nylion smiled.
“In some regards,” he said. “He is usually more forgiving than me, although my tendency to respond with anger seems to be suspended when it comes to you.”
Coughing, Ren shoved a fist in front of her mouth, but that didn’t hide the flush that was rising in her cheeks.
“Oh, good job, Nyl,” I said. “That was well done.”
It was? Nylion said. Wait. What was well done?
While I laughed in our head, Ren tightened her posture, drifting her eyes over our head.
“Like I said, I’m sorry to have made you uncomfortable,” she said. “I’d hoped to meet you a little more… amenably, although that doesn’t seem to be an issue now…”
Trailing off, she ran her eyes over Nylion, making him shift in place.
“Anyway,” she continued, “you could have asked about my loyalties at a better time, but I could have…”
As she fell silent, her gaze unfocused.
“Wait. When you asked me about whether I'll support Kylorian, did you also say that Raimie was looking forward to talking with me?” she asked. “Why would he want to speak with me after what I did to him?”
This turn in the conversation confused me until I felt gleeful anticipation bouncing across my bond with Nylion.
“Nyl, don’t you dare!” I shouted.
“I did,” Nylion said, ignoring me. “He is still in love with you, you know. He pines like a love-stricken fool, even now. It is a little embarrassing, actually.”
Gods, he’d actually told her. Nylion had broken my trust to…
“You bastard,” I growled. “How could you?”
Turning to the side, Nylion said, “You were never going to tell her about it, too intent on honoring her wishes to notice that doing so meant we would never find happiness with another person. Gods know you have tried.”
“I could eventually find it with Kaedesa,” I said.
“With Auntie? I doubt it,” Nylion said, wrinkling our nose. “Even with our past, we may appreciate her body, to be sure. What person inclined toward women would not? But we have no real attraction to her. She is like… an Aunt, much like the nickname she holds.”
“Then, I’ll learn to deal with it!” I shouted.
“Excuse me, boys. Can I cut in?” Ren asked in a low voice. “I’d like Raimie, if you don’t mind, Nyl.”
Facing her, Nylion grinned.
“Not at all,” he said.
When the world snapped, leaving me in control, that smile dropped. Hell, how was I going to reel this conversation back under control?
“Sorry about him,” I said, rubbing my neck. “He can get a bit carried away sometimes.”
“I do not get carried away,” Nylion said, mouthing the words with distaste. “I was simply getting sick of how much you try to deny someone who is obviously meant for us. I thought I would help you along.”
Well, look where that got us!
“Yes, Raimie. Look,” Nylion said with a huff.
When I summoned the courage to glance at Ren, she had her eyes hooded, hiding her intent. Once she noticed my attention on her, she crooked a finger at me.
“Come here.”
Gulping, I sidled as close to her as I dared. How angry was she? She’d been the one to tell me that our relationship was over. I should have moved on, but my efforts on that front had been lackluster at best. Was she displeased to learn that I still missed her?
Raising her face, Ren looked at me expectantly.
Wait. Did she blame me for how I felt about her? It wasn’t as if I could change it. I’d certainly tried.
With an exasperated sigh, she said, “You’re supposed to kiss me now, silly man.”
Oh.
Thanks, Nyl.
“You are quite welcome.”
Cautiously, I cupped Ren’s face, certain that she’d bat my hands away, and when she didn’t, I leaned down to meet her.
Gods, that spark was still there! That spine-chilling, toe-curling, back-arching want or possibly need. I could never tell which of those it was, but as always, it ran through my body from head to toe, although its intensity seemed amplified by the years we’d spent apart. Years I’d spent missing her.
Ren must have felt it too. She slipped her hands under my tunic, and while I initially flinched at that sudden skin-on-skin contact, I was soon shivering at the feel of it. Too absorbed in our kiss, I didn’t notice her unbuttoning my jacket, but I definitely felt it when she tugged it off of me.
For a split second, I panicked—
She can’t see me, can’t see THOSE scars!
—but then, I was meeting her lips again, sucking in all of her. I couldn’t get enough. I found the edge of her tunic, breaking away long enough to tug it over her head—gods, she was beautiful—before diving in once more.
We sank onto the blanket, touching, feeling, roaming our hands everywhere. I wasn’t sure why I was having such an intense and frankly, strange reaction to being reunited with her but… fuck it. That didn’t matter right now, did it?
“Ren!”
That shout shattered the magic between us like a stone would when coming through a window. Ren and I broke apart, and it was funny. Instead of reaching for clothing, which we should have done, our initial reaction to this sudden interruption was to grab our weapons.
“What are you doing?”
Distantly, I noticed that Kylorian was advancing on us like a storm cloud, and still trapped in a haze, I was having a hard time with figuring out where he’d come from.
Raising an eyebrow, Ren said, “What I want? What’s the problem, Ky?”
She didn’t bother with putting her tunic back on, replacing her dagger on her belt instead.
The question, however, hadn’t been directed at her. As I got to my feet, hoping to figure out what the hell had my friend so riled up, Kylorian shoved me, nearly tumbling me back to the ground.
“DON’T TOUCH HER!” he shouted, getting between me and Ren.
Shaking myself, I snatched up my clothes, hurriedly putting them on while struggling to pull myself out of my mental fog.
“Hey, Kylorian. So good to see you after such a long time,” I said. “What’s that? Sure, I’d love to get a drink with you! Right after you explain what’s going on.”
“Don’t act like the wounded party here,” Kylorian snarled. “I saw everything. You were assaulting her!”
And I froze. What….? I knew Kylorian had a quick temper. He’d as much as stated that soon after we’d met. Still, what he’d accused me of… that wasn’t something someone said out-of-the-blue. It was… I must have misheard him.
“He had better hope that we misheard,” Nylion growled.
“Ky!” Ren snapped. “Back off. This isn’t like before. I started it!”
I barreled over whatever else she might have to say.
“I would never do something like that,” I said through a tight smile. “Never, Ky! I can’t believe you’d think I was capable of something like… that. What the actual and bloody hell?”
For a moment, Kylorian paused, as if just now adjusting to his surroundings, and in that break, Ren stormed in front of him, slapping him silly.
Pointing back at me, she hissed, “He is not like Josenik. And this—”
She gestured between me and her.
“—is not like back then. I understand why you want to protect me like this, Ky, but hell! I know better now, and even if I didn’t, I’ve learned how to defend myself since then. If I ever need your help like that again, I will ask for it.”
Going pale, Kylorian took a step back.
“I’m… sorry,” he whispered. “I wasn’t… I thought I saw him…”
He pinched his nose.
“How do I keep messing this up?”
But then, he turned on his heel and walked away.
“Where’s he going? The nearest tavern?” I say.
Because with how visible his life had become over the last two years—much like mine—I’d say it was almost universally known how much Kylorian liked to drink nowadays.
“Perhaps,” Oswin called from outside of the clearing.
Which made both me and Ren jump. I’d forgotten about the spy and… why hadn’t he stepped in earlier?
“Kylorian doesn’t seem like the type to do this,” Oswin continued, “but he may decide to report what he thinks he’s seen to someone else, say… Eledis. Shame makes people do strange things at times.”
Falsely accusing me of a crime I hadn’t committed? That didn’t seem like the Kylorian I knew, much like Oswin had said, but on the off chance the spy was right…
“Oh, HELL no,” Nylion and I hissed, one silent. One not.
“I’m going to make sure your brother doesn’t do something stupid,” I said. “Want to help?”
Rolling her eyes, Ren said, “It’s what I’ve been doing for months. Do you see what I mean about keeping him from getting himself killed now? He’s been really out of control lately.”
“Yeah, I can see that. It… worries me.”
I knew a lot of Kylorian’s troubles were because of Hadrion’s death. I couldn’t blame myself for how he’d decided to handle that, but still, I wished I could have been there to help, in whatever way I could. Despite what he’d done here, I still… liked him, as a person. I still wanted us to be friends, even if I also wanted him to apologize.
“Ok. I’ll see if he went to Eledis,” I said. “Can you look for him in the city? We can reconvene later. I think we need to… talk. About a lot of things.”
Shyly smiling, Ren said, “And I think you’re right. I’ll start searching taverns. Meet you later this evening. Sound good?”
“It does. Until then.”
As I passed Oswin, I clapped his shoulder.
“Hope you can keep up,” I say through a grin.
A groan answered me, but still, I didn’t let it dissuade me from my path. While I didn’t need it for speed, I called on Ele, letting its peace wash over me. For a while now, I’d needed that peace whenever I was speaking with my grandfather, especially when they were stressful, and if I did find Kylorian in the old man’s office, the coming conversation would fall into that category.
So, I shot down the palace’s halls, evoking no responses from passersby. The Eliskians believed that I was the reason Doldimar had vanished, and so, they accepted my many oddities without a word, even the ones that would normally have them hating me. In fact, many of them called friendly greetings as I passed, something I still found… strange. I paid them no mind, singularly focused on making plans for the next hour.
Soon enough, I reached Eledis’ office, but I didn’t enter. I might need to speak with my grandfather, regardless of if Kylorian showed up here—the time had most certainly come for the second contender of the throne to bow out of our contest—but if possible, I’d like to keep said contender from even entering this room, or… perhaps I simply wanted to see what Kylorian would say if he did go inside.
Pulling my Ele source around my body, I settled in to wait.
Chapter 64: Immature Boys
Eledis
Most people assume that the person who holds the most power in a realm is the one who wears the crown. I laugh at those assumptions. A nation’s monarch may decide on policy, but who carries out their decisions? The monarch may be the director of our puppet show, to be sure, but we few, the advisors and ministers? We hold the strings.
-Pierdriel, Minister of Finance, Ada’ir
Once again, I contemplated the problem of Raimie.
Two years had passed since Nylion had presented himself to me for the first time in years, and I still hadn’t come up with a plan to eliminate the threat or at least, not one that would end with me alive afterward. Raimie was too well protected. He had his Hand, five highly trained spies who stuck to him like flies to fruit, and his Eselan friend, Rhylix, who was a powerful primeancer as well as a spectacular swordsman.
Sure, that Eselan was away more often than not now, ranging across Auden’s fringes in pursuit of his singular obsession with finding the missing Dark Lord, but he frequently returned to Elisk, and when he did, it was always at the most unexpected of times and places. Sometimes, he came through the city in a blaze of light, but others, we’d have no idea he was there until he wearily trudged into a meeting.
Of course, I also had to consider the matter of Raimie’s primeancy. In the last two years, the kid had exponentially grown in strength. Towns destroyed by Harvest had been restored by his hand, and without batting an eye, he walked through the shadows from one end of the kingdom to the other in an instant.
At first, I’d thought that I could use Raimie’s flagrant use of primeancy against him. In Auden, wielders of Ele and Daevetch were regarded with far more mistrust and hatred than in the rest of the world because of Doldimar’s oppression, and I’d hoped the vast throng of commoners would turn against Raimie when they’d seen what he could do. The kid and his friends might be able to render many threats harmless, but they’d have a hard time with staying in one piece when under a mob’s care.
That plan had died with a whimper when Raimie’s first visible act as a claimant to the Audish throne had been destroying the pits, the second highest source of terror for the common man. They loved him for it, and he’d built on that adulation by insisting that he address the most challenging of public works himself. With his service, the hearts and minds of the Audish populace had firmly yielded to Raimie’s control.
And so, I was left to rely on Gistrick, the Zrelnach commander who claimed he could fix our problem via some mysteriously awful solution. As time had gone on, he’d gotten increasingly aggravated, especially when it came to his comrades’ inquiries into his plans. He insisted on keeping those plans secret, which I found suspicious as hell, but given my lack of options at the moment, I’d decided to leave it be, happy to have even a vague hope of withstanding the threat of Nylion. That hope, however, didn’t stop me from scheming by myself, when I could.
Huffing irritably, I returned to my work. I was currently struggling through a report about the state of Auden’s coffers. It was dismal reading at best. I didn’t know what had driven Doldimar, but keeping the realm afloat had certainly not been his goal.
Thank Alouin for Kaedesa and the alliance with Ada’ir! Never mind that I despised the price she’d demanded for the cooperation between our kingdoms. Auden needed Ada’ir’s coin if it had any hope of surviving. Infrastructure needed to be rebuilt, trade reestablished, and most importantly, the people needed to be fed while farmers returned to their craft. We’d already made progress in those areas, but a long slog still awaited us.
Yawning, I rubbed my eyes. I hadn’t slept well last night. Nightmares had haunted my dreams, ones where a hostile stranger wearing Raimie’s face had attacked me with a bloody knife. Nylion hadn’t shown his face since that fateful meeting when we’d marched on Elisk, but I knew the aberration was always there, lurking under the surface of Raimie’s forced smile.
When the door creaked open, I jumped in my seat, perfectly aware that I’d almost fallen asleep despite the massive amount of paperwork I needed to finish today.
Glancing up, I tiredly said, “What do you want, Kylorian?”
Standing there, clutching at his tunic’s hem and refusing to look at me, the boy looked so much like my brother, and I had to remind myself that he wasn’t. He was a potential threat.
“I…” he said, swallowing hard. “I need advice.”
Which took me by surprise. After a slow blink, I wordlessly gestured to the chair on the other side of my desk.
After he'd gotten settled, Kylorian said, “I realize how ironic it is that I’m coming to you for this, given… everything. But I’ve been burning a lot of bridges lately, and my father… I can’t go to him with this. He’s already made his opinions known.”
As he made a face, I winced. I’d come to know exactly how hard the leader of Tiro was on his oldest, adoptive son, so I also knew exactly how true Kylorian’s statement was.
“I know you’re not the closest with Raimie,” the kid continued, “but in this case, that might be a good thing. I need a neutral party, or at least, one who’s as neutral as possible. So.”
Still refusing to look at me, he waved my way, and resting my elbows on my desk, I folded my hands in front of my face. Could this be the angle I’d needed to tackle the Nylion problem?
“What’s the issue?” I asked.
Sighing, Kylorian finally met my gaze.
“It’s Raimie,” he said.
Of course it was.
“What about him?” I said. “If you want advice, you’ll need to give me more information.”
“Right, right.”
Slumping, Kylorian fiddled with his fingers, nervously picking at his nails.
Alouin, he was so much like my brother. Ugh… this was going to be difficult, wasn’t it?
Taking a deep breath, the kid said, “I’ve been an asshole to him. For a while now, actually. But just recently, I did something that put my behavior toward him into sharp perspective. Alouin, it was bad.”
Shifting forward, he rested his head in his hands, and while he thought, I gave him silence. Much as I’d like to intrude on this, warping this kid’s feelings about Raimie until they would suit my purpose, he wasn’t done talking. It was best not to interrupt until then.
“So you know, I’m not an idiot,” Kylorian said from where he was hanging his head. “I know Raimie’s won our contest for the throne.”
Huffing, he sat back up with an eye roll.
“Honestly, though? Realizing that has been terrifying but also… a relief,” he continued. “The idea that I’d be king someday has been shoved in my face for my whole life, something that was determined for me long ago, and now that I know it won’t happen, I’ve had time to think about what I want from my life. It’s been… strange but freeing. It’s also increased the pressure from Dury ten-fold, but... that’s not the issue I want to talk about right now.
“I guess… I don’t know how to feel about Raimie. I know he’s a good man. He’s shown me that so many times before, even with what happened to Hadrion. I’ve long since moved past that issue between us, but I’m not sure what to make of his behavior toward Ren.
“He didn’t have to clean up the mess he left behind after breaking things off with her. When I heard the two of them were courting, I was willing to step aside, so to speak, because she seemed happy, and happiness is all I want for her. We lived such horrible lives under Doldimar’s reign. I didn’t want to cause her more problems by making her see… me.”
Ah. He was in love with the girl. That explained a lot. His overprotectiveness of Ren at the last two Anniversary Balls. The rumors I’d heard about how hard he’d worked to keep her at his side. I’d always thought it was a bit much for an adoptive brother, but if he was also in love…
“When Raimie left for Elisk two years ago, Ren wasn’t the same,” Kylorian said. “I’d never seen her cry before then, not even with someone who badly hurt her in the past.
“So, in essence, my problem is as follows. Personally, I like Raimie. I want to be his friend and help him when he eventually becomes king, in whatever way he’ll have me. If I follow that instinct, I’ll need to apologize to him. Make things right. And I’m not sure how to do that.
“I’m also concerned about what might happen between him and Ren. If I follow that instinct, I’ll need to do some things that will cause problems, in order to support her the best way I can. And I’m not sure which of those options I should choose.”
And there it was: the perfect way to sabotage my grandson. It would pain me to take it, but obviously, I would do my best to turn this kid against Raimie. Any ally who could stand with me against the threat of Nylion was worth cultivating.
Before I could, though, an unseen person said, “You are such an idiot, Ky.”
With a pop, Raimie appeared from thin air, and I was so grateful that I’d kept my mouth shut for as long as I had. What would he have done if he’d overheard what I’d been about to say?
When Kylorian turned to the other boy with his mouth gaping, Raimie made a face, waving a hand.
“I know, I know. I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, and I’m sorry about that,” he said, “but it was the only way for me to figure out what was going on with you since you’ve apparently decided it was better to talk about our issues with someone else.”
Slowly closing his mouth, Kylorian winced.
“Fair enough.”
With a heavy sigh, Raimie shook his head before circling in front of the other boy and crouching there.
Looking up at him, Raimie whispered, “You really love her, don’t you?”
Silently, Kylorian nodded, which had Raimie making a face.
“Gods, I’m sorry,” he said, “but you’re wrong about what happened between me and her, Ky. She… left me.”
Stiffening, Kylorian said, “What?”
“You heard me,” Raimie said. “After I told her about Kaedesa’s proposal, Ren told me that our relationship needed to end for the good of Auden. To meet that goal, she wanted me to marry Kaedesa, which I didn’t and still don’t want to do.”
Oh, Alouin. I needed to keep a straight face. I couldn’t let laughter out.
After staring in silence for a moment, Kylorian said, “You’re telling the truth, aren’t you?”
When Raimie nodded, Kylorian slapped a hand to his face.
“Fuuuuuuck,” he hissed out. “I’ve made such a fool of myself, I’m so sorry.”
Patting his knee, Raimie said, “That’s ok. All I wanted to hear was an apology for earlier. Given everything else you’ve said, I think we’re good.”
But I was still caught on the ridiculousness of what had happened. Unable to contain it any longer, I dissolved into laughter, which only made the youngsters glare at me, but honestly, what had they expected? They were telling one of the oldest stories ever written: a misunderstanding between two boys because of a girl. Really. It was pathetic.
“Please, forgive me,” I gasped, waving a hand at them. “I merely find it amusing that you two have been arguing over Ren when you should be thinking about who will stand in front of me at the investiture one month from now.”
Alouin, their blank stares were delightful, if understandable. I hadn’t told anyone about my plans for the ceremony yet.
Rising to his full height, Raimie cocked his head.
“I thought that’s what we were already doing,” he said. “Kylorian has admitted to something we’ve all known for a few months now, although it took me a while to accept it. So, the concern you mentioned isn’t truly a concern at all, is it, Eledis?”
Ooooh… that smile. Someday, I was going to wipe it off of that kid’s face.
Turning to Kylorian, Raimie said, “And I’d love it if you decided to help me. I’m certainly going to need it. Perhaps we can discuss how that would work before the investiture ceremony.”
“I… would like that,” Kylorian said before softly smiling. “You’re going to be a great king, Raimie.”
Grimacing, Raimie said, “I don’t know about that.”
But then, he turned back to me.
“So, it’ll be me in that awful position one month from now,” he said. “May I leave planning the ceremony with you, Eledis? I have somewhere else I need to be, and I probably won’t be back until right before your imposed deadline.”
Wait, what? If that was true, did that mean Raimie had known what I’d been planning? I didn’t see how he could have made his schedule align with mine if he hadn’t known.
But that would mean he’d outmaneuvered me. Again.
Damn. I really should be proud of him. I wished I could be.
“And where, exactly, will you be going?” I coldly asked.
Smiling, Raimie said, “Qena, the eccentric town near the Wastelands? We received a request for aid while in negotiations with the Matvai. A tear close to the town has been acting strangely, and they asked me to fix it. Not sure where they could have heard about Allanovian and Da’kul, but apparently, someone’s been spreading rumors about those tears.”
Pausing, he frowned.
“I forgot to mention that to Ren earlier. The conversation we planned to have might have to wait for a little while, but… perhaps that’s for the best.”
Ren…? No. Wait. Raimie wanted to go. He’d leave the capital, so soon before a major event, to deal with something as minor as this?
“Raimie. You have matters of state to attend to here,” I said.
“But you’re so good at dealing with those, Eledis!” Raimie said with a twinkle in his eyes. “I assumed that managing Auden was what you wanted. Where would the realm be without the guiding hand of its Chief Minister, after all?”
As I sat there, taking in what the kid had unloaded on me, he turned to Kylorian.
“I’ll see you in one month’s time?”
Smiling, Kylorian said, “It will be my pleasure.”
Striding to the door, Raimie pulled it open and disappeared, and for a moment, both Kylorian and I stared at its wooden surface until the kid’s whistling, heard through it, faded.
“Alouin, he trusts people too much,” Kylorian whispered, almost to himself. “One day, that’ll get him killed.”
With a pained look on his face, he got up, bowing to me.
“Thank you for your help, Eledis,” he said. “It seems all I needed was for another person to listen to my troubles.”
“I’m… happy to have been of service,” I said, still a little stunned.
Chief Minister? Did Raimie know what he’d given me? Hell, with this position, I might finally have everything I’d been needing, for so long now.
As Kylorian left my office, he brushed past Kaedesa, murmuring an apology, and still standing in the doorway, she stared after him for a good, long while, thank Alouin. It gave me time to get my head back on straight.
“What was that about?” Kaedesa said, pointing after Kylorian.
Raising my hands to either side of me, I shrugged.
“The urgency and obliviousness of youth?” I said.
“The young are always in such a hurry, aren’t they?” Kaedesa said, almost contemplatively. “While those who are nearing the end have mellowed. You’d think it would be the opposite.”
Chuckling, I waved her inside, noting the guard from Ada'ir at her side.
“What can I do for you, Your Majesty?” I asked.
As she strolled inside, Kaedesa curiously examined my sparse office. The guard—Raimie's friend, Dath; I believe his name was—remained in the corridor outside.
“Is it true that the investiture has a date?” she asked.
Hell, how many people had known about this before I’d spoken a word about it?
“Indeed it is!” I said, hoping to disguise my flushed state with enthusiasm. “It’s in one month’s time, on the 10th of Fifth. Why do you ask?”
Trailing a hand over my desk’s surface, Kaedesa said, “I’m simply verifying that Raimie told me the truth earlier.”
“Raimie is many things, but a liar, he is not.”
And I nervously laughed with my heart pounding in my ears. In the months after Doldimar’s disappearance, I’d gotten used to Kaedesa’s unexpected visits. In the beginning stages of reestablishing order, she’d been enormously helpful.
After a last, extended stay with us, though, she’d needed to return to Ada’ir to make sure her power-hungry nobles hadn’t taken advantage of her absence. During that time, I’d missed her more fiercely than I cared to admit, and now, she was back, a few short feet from me.
“You know, Eledis, you’re not as disquieting as I remember,” Kaedesa said.
Leaning over, she snatched a piece of parchment off of my desk with her hair tumbling over her shoulders.
“Thank you. I think,” I said with a dry mouth.
“Perhaps working with you won’t be as difficult as I’d imagined it would be,” she said, scanning her confiscated document.
“Working with me?” I said.
“Yes. If I heard Raimie correctly, you’ll be Chief Minister soon,” Kaedesa said, “and I’ll be the queen of Auden. Given that, I’d imagine that you and I will have many interactions together.”
As my betrayer of a heart froze in my chest, ice washed down my spine.
“Of course, Your Majesty,” I woodenly said.
Kaedesa flicked her eyes up to me, and that was enough to jolt my heart into an even rhythm once more, even if it didn’t beat quite as rapidly as before.
“I don’t know,” she whispered with her face scrunched. “Something about you… it’s like I’ve known you for my whole life.”
Roughly shaking her head, Kaedesa cleared her throat.
“Thank you for confirming Raimie’s claim,” she said.
She left, abandoning me to my study, deep within a black palace’s confines. My only companion here was my battered and befuddled heart.
Chapter 65: The Results of My Actions
Kylorian
Well, I’d completely and totally messed that up.
Not that this was surprising. I’d been messing up a lot of things lately, so this newest version of it didn’t make me want to recoil as much as some of my other mistakes had done.
Still. I couldn’t believe I’d accused Raimie of… that. He’d never shown any sign of being the sort of person who would intentionally hurt another person, and he certainly wouldn’t hurt someone in that specific way, but when I’d run across him and Ren on my way to visit Ivelais, my mind had jumped off of its track. For a single moment, it hadn’t been them on that blanket, and a piece of the past had spliced into the present.
I’d still been trapped in that long-gone moment when I’d come roaring into Ren and Raimie’s presence. That didn’t excuse what I’d done, not in the slightest, but it made me feel less like a worm for it than I’d felt about other things lately.
Besides that, Raimie had already forgiven me. I didn’t know why he’d done that—I’d have had trouble doing the same in his place—but I wasn’t going to question it.
Now, I needed to find Ren so I could apologize to her, begging for her forgiveness if I must, but once that painful conversation was over, maybe I could finally take care of the problems that had inadvertently caused so many of my screw ups lately.
It took a while, but I eventually came across Ren in the palace, which wasn’t at all where I’d expected to find her. She’d always professed a deep wariness of this building, claiming that when she was inside its black walls, it felt like the dead were looming over her head.
I could understand that. Given how gloomy the palace was—with its shiny, dark walls and sparsely placed lanterns—it certainly reminded me of a graveyard, or at least, a graveyard found anywhere but in Tiro. Most cities used a more traditional burial of the dead when compared to my home.
When I ran across her, Ren was in a random hallway in the east wing of the palace, talking to the guard Raimie always had around him. Seeing them together, I slowed down, keeping to the shadows as I approached. I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation, especially if it concerned anything I shouldn’t know about, but I also needed to speak with Ren as soon as possible. Better to be nearby once she was done with the guard.
“-appreciate what you did today,” she was saying as I came closer. “Seems you remembered our conversation from years ago.”
Crossing his arms, Oswin said, “Of course I did. Do you remember everything we talked about that day?”
Flushing, Ren ducked her head, kicking the floor.
“Yes, I do,” she said before fixing her gaze on Oswin. “I’m not going to cause him problems again. I know I’ve complicated his life simply by being near him, what with his betrothal and the coming investiture, but this time, I mean to let him make the decision about how he wants to handle this part of his life. Whatever he decides to do, I’ll help him with it, even if it means I can’t be in his life. I do not want to hurt him, Oswin. I promise you.”
After examining Ren for a moment, the guard jerked his head in a sharp nod.
“I believe you,” he said. “If you or Raimie have any trouble with resolving the mentioned issues, please come to me or my subordinates. We can help, if you want us to.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ren said. “Meanwhile, where is Raimie? He and I need to talk sometime soon.”
When Oswin stiffened, already looking uncomfortable, I decided this was the best time to reveal my presence, if the two of them hadn’t already known I was here. With this, I could start paying back the debt that I owed my friend.
“He and I just finished speaking, actually,” I called. “He asked me to share that he’d forgotten about a task he meant to undertake, so he’s leaving for Qena to do that. I’m supposed to relay his apology and his promise to find you as soon as he’s back in Elisk.”
Jerking her head to me, Ren narrowed her eyes before returning her attention to Oswin as if I hadn’t spoken. Right. I hadn’t apologized to her yet, and based off of how she’d already greeted me, I was probably in for some harsh words from her soon.
Meanwhile, the guard held my gaze for the time it took me to join the two of them, presenting nothing but neutrality to me, but I knew how much I’d probably upset him too. He’d been there when I’d royally fucked up. I didn’t know how I could fix that piece of my mistake, though, so I focused on Ren.
Resolutely keeping her eyes on Oswin, she said, “You’re not accompanying him this time?”
After a moment more of staring at me, Oswin turned to Ren.
“No. I have to make preparations for the investiture in a month’s time,” he said.
“Of course! That makes perfect sense,” Ren said with a half-smile. “Then, who’s with Raimie? I remember how utterly reckless that ridiculous man can be, so please tell me you'll send someone with him.”
Oswin responded with his own smirk.
“Naturally,” he drawled. “Little will be with him for his trip to Qena and back. Unless Raimie decides to ditch my subordinate, he’ll have someone watching his back.”
“But given how idiotic he can be about that sometimes, that’s not guaranteed,” Ren said with a sigh. “If things turn out well between us, you and I will need to have a long conversation about how I can help you and your people with convincing Raimie that it’s ok to rely on others at times.”
Oswin’s smirk grew into a full-blown smile as he chuckled.
“I’ll preemptively wish us good luck with that. Raimie’s always been stubborn about asking for help,” he said, “but that’s for the future. I have a few things I should take care of before he leaves the palace. If you don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. You should do what you must,” Ren said, waving at him. “Besides, Kylorian and I have a few things to discuss. Don’t we?”
On acknowledging me for the first time, Ren glared at me, positively steaming with annoyance, and seeing that, I meekly nodded. This was going to be fun.
“In that case.”
Oswin performed the shortest bow possible to me and Ren, leaving me unsure if he’d meant that as a slight or not, but he raced off soon afterward, and I was left with an exceedingly upset woman.
Before she could get started, I threw up a hand.
“Let me say something first, all right?”
Ren might narrow her eyes, but she also gave me a tight nod.
“Everything you said after I fucked up. You were right about it all,” I said. “I’m sorry that I barged in on you two like that. I know how much that reunion must have meant to you, and I thoroughly messed it up. I’m sorry for accusing Raimie of anything untoward. He didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry for implying you couldn’t handle yourself. It’s been years since… Josenik. I should have known better than to assume you need protection by now. You can be mad at me for as long as you want, but please know that I know I made a mistake. Ok?”
Ren silently watched me for a while, long enough that I was incredibly tempted to fidget, but I kept still, waiting for her judgment. After a long while of this pure torture, she let out a long sigh before rubbing her temples.
“Ok,” she said. “Have you apologized to Raimie yet?”
Thank Alouin that Raimie had shown up during my conversation with Eledis. Otherwise, I’d have Ren hounding me about that for however long it took me to gather the courage to approach him.
But because he had, I got to say, “Of course. He was more gracious toward me than I have any right to, and I’m grateful for that. We still have a lot to talk about when he returns from Qena, but I think we might be good now, despite all the ways our relationship has been complicated over the last few years."
Hearing that, Ren relaxed more fully.
“Ok,” she said once more before jabbing me in the chest. “I’m still pissed at you and probably will be for a little while, but I’ll get over it soon enough.”
And wasn’t that a relief to hear? Still, it left me with no idea about what else I could say to her. I stood, fully captured by this awkwardness, until Ren clicked her tongue.
“So? Didn’t you have something you were planning on doing before all this drama happened?” she said “We’re good for now, you and I. So, get going!”
Nervously laughing, I said, “I will. Just…”
Hell, I shouldn’t say this, especially given everything that had happened over the last day, but I couldn’t make myself stop.
“I know you can watch your own back, Ren, but please, be careful when getting involved with Raimie again,” I said. “I’ve learned how things went down the first time, so I don’t blame him for it anymore, and given how badly you’ve been missing him over the last two years, it seems pretty obvious that you should try again.”
No matter how much that was going to kill me.
“But I can’t stand to see you like you were after the first time your relationship broke down,” I continued. “I just… can’t. Watching you cry like that and being unable to help with it was incredibly painful, no matter that you had every right to mourn what you’d lost, in both senses.”
At the reminder of how closely Hadrion’s death and the ending of Ren’s relationship with Raimie had coincided, I managed to slam my lips closed. Hell, I shouldn’t have gone that far, especially given how much of an ass I’d been to her about it at the time, but fortunately, Ren simply half-smiled at me.
“I hear what you’re saying beneath the word bumbling you just did,” she said. “You’re worried. I get it. I promise I’ll be careful with protecting my emotional state. How about you start doing the same with yourself?”
I didn’t understand what she was talking about. For the most part, I tried to stay out of anything that would be emotionally risky. Why would I need to be more protective of myself in that way?
After a beat of quiet, Ren raised an eyebrow, perhaps realizing that I didn’t have any clue what she meant.
“The thing you were planning to do?” she said. “On the way to the capital, you mentioned it might help with your anxiety?”
Oh, shit. I’d actually admitted that out loud to her? Damn.
Grimacing, I said, “I take your point. Thank you, Ren. I’ll see you later?”
“I’ll be somewhere around here for the rest of the day,” she said, “and from what I understand, we’re staying at the same inn tonight, so yes. I’ll see you there.”
I badly wanted to hug Ren and release the leftover tension hanging between us, but she’d said she was still upset with me. I didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable right now, so before I turned to go, I only smiled at her. Then, I was heading down the palace’s hallways, hoping to reach its exits as soon as I could. Ren’s anxiety about this place seemed to have affected me today as well.
Or maybe that was the general state of anxiety I’d been dealing with since conceding in the contest for the throne. My head was throbbing something fierce right now, but considering how constant that pain had been over the last two years, I’d gradually learned to deal with it when it came around, or at least, I’d learned how to deal with it over short periods of time.
The solution for it lay in my next destination.
Chapter 66: Ivelais
Kylorian
In the city proper, people milled about on the streets, forcing me to duck and dodge between them. This didn’t usually bother me. For the most part, I’d grown up in Tiro, one of the most crowded populations in Auden, but today, every individual who blocked my path added another spike of irritation to an already fatly packed weight. I’d started imaging bloody deaths for the few incredibly oblivious people among the crowd by the time I’d reached one of Elisk’s abandoned neighborhoods. There, I could take a moment to catch my breath.
I was glad Elisk’s streets were busy and bustling. I was glad that a sense of energy and hopefulness had been injected into its citizens. I was also teetering on a line that I’d had to balance for a while now, and anything that could make me fall off of it wasn’t welcome.
The eerie quiet of the abandoned neighborhood I’d entered quickly dampened the sounds of trade and life found outside of it, and once those sounds had fallen away, a shiver rumbled down my spine. Ren said she thought the palace was haunted? I thought she was more likely to run across ghosts in one of these places.
Throughout the years of Elisk’s revitalization, certain parts of the city had remained abandoned, no matter what sort of enticement Auden’s government had placed in front of the newcomers.
While Doldimar had still been in power, the news of Harvests would spread across the nation, but this had mostly been at the Audish population’s behest. Receiving news of which town had undergone that horrible ritual could inform one on whether family in distant parts of the land was still alive.
Because of this, almost everyone in Auden knew which of Elisk’s districts had last undergone a Harvest, and said districts had become miniature ghost towns within the city’s wall. Who wanted to live in the home of someone who’d likely been brutally murdered within the last five years? Most people would rather occupy a place whose former owners might have faded from memory.
This had been advantageous for me because it had provided a way to keep Ivelais hidden while in a place I regularly visited. For a while, we’d tried having them follow behind my traveling group or staying in the wilderness, but those hiding places had proved inconvenient for me and not at all acceptable for Ivelais themselves. Risking a possible haunting had seemed better to both of us, especially given how little either of us believed such superstitious nonsense.
I followed the signs they'd left to their latest accommodations until those stopped at a modest two-story building with a small courtyard in front of it. Hopping up the steps to its front door, I let myself inside, listening to the door close in the utter silence beyond.
“Ivelais?” I called into this.
I got nothing back, but I'd expected that. Most of the time, Ivelais liked to greet me in a certain type of way, and in anticipation of this, I drew my sword, loosely holding it at my side, before walking further into the house.
With candles and lanterns unlit, the house gave off even more of an eerie feel than the district outside, but right now, I thoroughly appreciated that. For reasons I didn’t quite understand, Ivelais put a lot of work into making our reunions as memorable as possible, all to help us with the lingering, bullshit emotions we carried from our past mistakes.
Through a kitchen full of rotten food and broken plateware, past a pitch-black bedroom, out onto a narrow balcony, and right back inside. I didn’t see a single trace of them, and after several minutes of searching the house, I wondered if I’d followed an old set of their signs to an abandoned hideout.
As I was making my way to the house’s front door, a creak behind me gave me a split second to spin and raise my sword before a gleaming sharp edge slammed down onto it. The person behind this attack manically grinned at me with their mousy brown hair frazzled around their head.
“Kylorian,” they said.
Returning their smile in a much more vicious manner, I growled, “Ivelais.”
When I shoved them, they followed the force of that motion, gracefully skittering backward, and I was left off-balance for a heartbeat. I was surprised when Ivelais didn’t take advantage of my unsteadiness, waiting for me to regain my balance instead, but it wasn’t surprising enough to make me stop.
I swung at their chest, using that to hide when I drew a knife, and once it was in my hand, I stabbed for Ivelais’ neck. They merely blocked and subsequently, swayed away from my attack.
That was fine, though. Following the momentum of my swing, I sidestepped around their bent-back body, ready to sweep my sword back the other way and into their stomach. Ivelais, however, spun out of my reach as I was moving, and before I could recover, they’d stepped forward enough to leave a nick on my arm. In the next breath, blood started welling from that opening, and for both an instant and the length of eternity, I stared at the evidence of my weakness before something inside snapped.
I was roaring and banging down on Ivelais’ weapons, thirsting to break through their defenses. I needed to see my enemy destroyed, needed to see their blood sprayed across the walls and floor, needed to revel in the feel of flesh-soon-to-go-cold. It was a red-hot, glorious enticement or maybe excitement, running through my veins, through my mind, and gods, it felt good, it felt good, it felt so damn good!
I was lost in it, screaming and crying and watching from a vast distance as the strength running through my arms overcame the weakness in my enemy’s. Their sword slipped out of their fingers, and my body drove theirs into a wall. I pressed my forearm down on their throat, watching the black vines beneath it bulge, and drew back to punch a knife through their open mouth.
“Kylorian,” they calmly said. “Do you really want to kill me?”
That brought me up short, introducing a slight pause in the rush pounding through my body, and within that moment of clarity, I hovered, knowing something was wrong. Unsure what it was. What was I missing here?
“Kylorian, listen to me,” my enemy repeated. “Do you really want to kill me?”
That was the problem. I knew this enemy. It was Ivelais, and they… they were staring at me, waiting for me to decide if I was going to end their life.
Stumbling away from them, I coughed out, “Fuck.”
Then, I turned away, rubbing my face.
After a tense pause, Ivelais said, “I gather you’ve been stressed lately, then.”
When I nodded, they hummed before stepping forward to rub my back.
“Well, you stopped before anything irreversible could happen,” they said. “I’ll take that.”
Growling into my hands, I said, “It’s such bullshit that you’re saying something like that. I made the mistake. d nearly killed you. That’s not something you should have to experience and then say, ‘No harm, no foul’.”
Sighing, Ivelais rubbed my back in two more circles before dropping their hand.
“Sure, you ‘made the mistake’, but we both know something else was driving you,” they said. “Asshole people made us this way. The best we can do is muddle through every ugly behavior that they engrained in us, trying to change the pattern when those bad habits raise their head, and have grace for each other when we fail. Besides, I was the one who attacked you, if you’ll recall.”
I released an explosive breath as I flung my hands down to my side.
“Stop trying to make me feel better. It only makes it worse,” I said. “Let’s just… check in, like we always do. Ok?”
Shrugging, Ivelais said, “Sure.”
They turned toward a hallway leading deeper into the house, and I followed them, trying to determine where we were going by examining our surroundings over their shorter stature. When Ivelais eventually led me into a gathering room of some sort, they lit a candelabra on a low-to-the-ground table, and I took a seat in an armchair, running my eyes over their body as I did.
The black vines creeping over the join of their arms and shoulders hadn’t advanced much since I’d last seen them, but the ones that flowed up their neck had almost reached their chin now, which was problematic. If those awful things must advance beyond where they’d originally been placed, why couldn’t they have done that in a less visible manner?
“So,” Ivelais said, “how did things in Sotchal-?”
“Raimie’s going to be king,” I blurted out, unable to wait until they’d finished speaking. “I couldn’t keep pretending that I had a chance, so I backed out. He’ll be the one on the throne.”
Pausing in taking their seat, Ivelais glanced up as if assessing me before pursing their lips.
“That could cause problems for you,” they said.
With a groan, I hunched forward until my head was hanging between my knees.
“I know,” I said, drawling out the word as if continuing to speak it might stave off anything else Ivelais might say.
It didn’t, of course.
After a beat of silence, they said, “That explains why you were so gung-ho in our tiff today. Usually, you actively enjoy a surprise attack from me when you get back.”
From where I was still hanging, I nodded.
“They remind me that I’m not playing a game with you,” I said. “You’ve never tried to manipulate me with words, always telling me exactly what bad thing will happen before it comes. An active fight instead of false hugs is definitely the best way to greet me.”
“For now,” Ivelais said under their breath.
I ignored them, making myself sit upright.
“One good thing to report, though,” I said. “Raimie and I have made up, so he’s offered me a place in his government. That should keep the pressure off from him.”
Which was good. I still didn’t know how to refuse anything that he might ask. Every time he brought me a demand, I was a little boy at his feet again, fervently hoping he wouldn’t do to me what he’d once done to my childhood caretakers.
“That is good,” Ivelais said. “Maybe we can work on your resistance in the meantime. Stall as much as possible while we do that.”
With a tired nod, I said, “That’s what I was thinking, yes. How are things with you?”
When Ivelais winced, I held up my hand.
“That bad, huh? Well, you don’t have to go into detail unless you want to,” I said, pausing before asking a question I’d already asked a thousand times. “Are you sure you won’t go to Raimie with this? He’d take your Corruption away if you asked.”
Quickly, Ivelais jerked their face to the side, but not before I spotted it starting to sour.
“You know I can’t do that,” they snapped. “Any time I even think about it, my thoughts drift away from the idea, and when I do manage to stay on topic, I can’t make my body move. I get trapped in it, and that feels…”
They shuddered, and I reached over to squeeze their hand. That was one of many experiences that we’d both experienced at one point or another.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I know Enforcer Coleath was only able to complete the Vice on you because you came after me when Hadrion… after Hadrion. You’re in this situation because of me-”
“Don’t you dare,” Ivelais said.
Jerking back toward me, they cupped my cheek, making sure I was listening. It was what they’d always done when I’d tried to express my guilt over what had happened to them.
“I ran after you because I made a mistake with you,” they said, “and because of that, we’re both in a situation we’d rather never have taken on, but that’s why we work together, right? Because our mutual mistakes and our individual pasts make it possible for us to understand one another, better than most people could. I’m here to help you. You help me, as much as you can, and hey! At least I only have the one order to obey. You got me out before Enforcer Coleath could give me more.”
“Stay away from Raimie, yes. I know that’s part of what’s kept you Kiraak,” I said.
We sat in silence for a while before I hesitantly continued.
“I could always ask Raimie to come here in your stead. I know that might not be what you want but…”
With a wry smile, Ivelais glanced back at me.
“You’re welcome to try,” they said. “I’m curious if you’ll remember to do it before or after you have a conversation with him about your own problems."
At that, I dropped their hand like it was made of acid.
“Yes, bringing him up will be difficult,” I said.
I still wasn’t sure if I could do it. I’d meant to as soon as Ren and I had returned to the capital, but with how badly I’d messed up today, I wasn’t sure if or when I’d be able to ask Raimie for the favor that I had planned. When would I have made up for my mistake enough to do that?
And with the investiture in a month, he was going to be busy, even if he’d left Eledis to manage the ceremony itself. I wasn’t sure he realized how much would be asked from him, both before and after that awful thing was over.
Oh, hell. The investiture… That meant….
“Gods,” I whispered, mostly to myself. “He’ll be coming to Elisk soon.”
Tanwadur. When was the last time I’d seen my father?
That snapped Ivelais’ attention fully onto me.
“Oh, Kylorian,” they softly said. “I’m so sorry. That on top of everything else… it’s going to be a difficult few weeks for you, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” I said in a strangled voice.
But I couldn’t let it phase me. I had to get through it because on the other side of the investiture, I’d have a time of peace and calm. If Raimie truly meant to offer me a place at his side, no matter how far away from him it might be, then I might have a chance to escape from him as well.
I could hold it together for a few weeks. I had to.
Still, I’d absolutely need help with it, so I faced Ivelais, meeting their eyes.
“Do you have any ideas for ways I can keep it together while that bastard’s here?” I asked.
Ivelais’ fierce smile made me shiver, even if it also spawned a grin of my own as well.
“Plenty, all born from experience,” they said. “Once you’ve started practicing these techniques, the next few weeks won’t be able to touch you. You and I, Kylorian? We can make an unstoppable team when we put our minds together. So, let’s do that.”
Hell, what reassurance they gave me! This relationship, born of secrecy and sealed by the damage we'd done to each other, shouldn’t be as amiable or life-saving as it had been over the last few years, but that was what it had become. A bond that I could no longer do without.
The thought of how attached I’d become to Ivelais scared me at times. Not right now, though. Right now, I smirked right back at them.
“Yes, let’s,” I said.
Chapter 67: Searching
Rhylix
A powerful gust of wind knocked me sideways, lifting my feet off of the ground. Before the storm could send me tumbling, I called to the Ele beneath me, attracting it to what was found within my feet. Landing with a thud, I blasted a spray of light in front of me to correct my fall. After so many hours beneath thick cloud cover, that light blinded me, and blinking stars away, I released the Ele binding me to the earth, preparing for another burst of flight.
“Duck!” Creation yelled, clearly audible over the storm’s howling.
I dove forward as something—a boulder? a wood beam?—whistled by overhead before rolling to my feet. Sprinting forward, I was startled when I stumbled upon the dark splotch that I’d spotted before the storm wall had hit.
I could only guess how these ruined walls had survived within the Wastelands for as long as they had, and with a roof no less. However this shelter had managed to stay upright, I was grateful for it. Slumping in the corner furthest from the wind and rain, I shivered, longing for a fire or even better, a bed piled with blankets.
“Remind me why we’re out here again?” Creation said.
I tried to answer them, but even at my loudest volume, I couldn’t compete with the screaming winds around us. Instead, I met Creation’s gaze and expansively shrugged. Hugging my arms around my bent knees, I hunkered down to outwait the gale, silently praying to gods I didn’t believe in.
When calm descended once more, it took me by surprise. For hours, the wind had been weakening. What might have tossed me around like a rag doll before had died down to, if not a gentle breeze, at least something that couldn’t cause me harm, and the sheets of rain that had shot from the sky like a curtain of icy needles had slowed to a lazy drizzle.
Considering my legs had cramped while waiting for this change, I stretched them in front of me.
“I thought I’d find Doldimar here,” I said in answer to Creation’s earlier question. “The Wastelands seem like a paradise for him. Since it’s constantly barraged by monsoons from the Accession Tear, I thought the maelstrom would attract him like a bee to pollen.”
“If he took refuge here, where would he have hoarded his Kiraak army?” Creation asked. “As a rule, he may not care if they live or die, but without a constant stream of humans to transform, he’s forced to conserve the ones he controls.”
“See? This is why every once in a while, we should work together,” I said, peeking around my shelter to scan the sky. “If you’d made that point before we left Qena, we might have avoided spending so much time in this desolate land.”
Clicking their tongue, Creation looked away from me.
“You know I can be useful to you,” they said. “Why do you refuse my help so often?”
“Because in general, you’ve been an ass,” I said. “Now, which way to the tear?”
Creation grimaced, but in answer, they moved in the direction opposite the one I’d been planning to head in.
“You know, for a long time, I found you intolerable as well,” Creation said with their arms crossed. “You had this insufferable air of righteousness about you, and when it came time to kill Arivor, you’d refuse your destiny. Every damn time. It frustrated me to no end, and… I didn’t understand.
“So, I forced you to kill your friend because I thought I knew best, what with you being a limited, mortal being. I resigned myself to an eternity of verbal abuse from you, but somewhere between cycles two and three hundred, you gave up. Something broke in you, and I couldn’t figure out what had caused it. I found that I missed the defiant spark I’d found so incredibly frustrating at the beginning.
“I’m glad it has returned.”
For a while, I trailed behind Creation with pursed lips.
Eventually, I said, “Well now I feel like an ass.”
“Why?” Creation said, chuckling. “You were right, after all. In most instances, I do act in an ass-like manner, but Eriadren, you’ve kept me away from the whole for longer than usual this cycle. Some of your traits have rubbed off on me, and I haven’t had the time or inclination to wash them away in the whole yet.”
“Huh,” I said. “I’ve always wondered why you splinters become more tolerable the more time you spend with your primeancers.”
Cocking their head, Creation said, “Why didn’t you ask me about it?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
As the first caresses of sunlight pierced through dissolving clouds, I lifted my face to them.
“Maybe my responsibility for Arivor stole my focus away from other questions I had. Maybe my guilt over the experiment that started this cascading disaster wouldn’t let me indulge the scientist within for a while. I know that at one point, I just didn’t care, eliminating everything in me except for what was needed to kill Doldimar. Perhaps I should have figured out how the forces that underpin our world work before now, but too much has been working against me for that to be possible. Until now.”
Creation didn’t have a reply for that confession, which was a perfect happenstance for me. I was finished sharing with them. This camaraderie with my ‘babysitter’ was still new, even years after it had started, and while it was intriguing and worth pursuing, I couldn’t bring myself to trust it.
So, instead, I turned my attention to my surroundings, curious to see the aftermath of the storm.
There wasn’t much to see. Without a mountain range to break the hurricanes’ fury, this narrow strip of land on Auden’s southwestern border endured wave after wave of stormy destruction. The Wastelands were devoid of life, besides grass and tough, low-to-the-ground plants. Wood beams and ship masts were littered across the ground, an oddity considering my current distance from the coast, and here and there, boulders from the tiny to the huge haphazardly sat on a green carpet.
Occasionally, miraculous ruins would rise from the earth to stand tall and proud against the fury of wind and rain, but these lone warriors were the last of their kind. In general, the Wastelands was exactly that: a verdant, green land of rubbish.
The last few days, spent traversing a windswept landscape, had been incredibly lonely and taxing for me, so I was looking forward to my return to civilization. For the moment, though, I was still in this desolate place, but at least the sun had shown its face once more.
“I’m sorry,” Creation said.
They’d been walking ahead of me with their chin tucked to their chest, and on hearing those two words, I stumbled to a stop.
“You’re… sorry?” I repeated, unsure if I’d heard them correctly. “For what?”
“For what we did. We never should have claimed you. After your first round of death, you should have stayed dead,” Creation said. “I hope you can understand. What we did was instinctual. My whole doesn’t have logic behind it. It does as its nature prescribes. We splinters who are active on the physical plane try to influence it, but our effort don’t count for much when dealing with something that’s equivalent to gravity or heat. The whole is a force. So, when the enemy claimed Arivor, gaining a gateway to the physical plane, we reacted by latching onto you.
“That doesn’t mean that we made your life easy. I’m sorry. I wish it had been different.”
My mouth had been left gaping. I knew this, but I couldn’t seem to close it.
What was wrong with this cycle? First, a dual primeancer. Then, Ele’s retreat from the physical plane and now, this? How the hell was I supposed to respond?
“All right.”
With nothing else, I started walking again.
“All right? That’s it?” Creation said. “The force that composes all of reality’s positive traits apologizes to you, and you say, ‘all right’.”
Glancing at them, I half-smiled.
“Sorry I made you mortal, if only for a moment,” I said.
Growling, Creation marched ahead of me until they were out of hearing range, which only made me smirk. They’d begun to act like a living, breathing physical being. What other emotional reactions might I pull from Creation in the future?
On considering that, I realized my life had suddenly become much more interesting.
When Qena’s distinctive windmills appeared on the horizon, I nearly cried with relief. Two more storms had blown overhead while I’d made my way to safety, and during one of them, Ele had responded to my call more sluggishly that it usually did. If I hadn’t found a patch of tall grass to sink my fingers into, the winds might have carried me gods knew how far before releasing me.
It had been almost two years since Creation and Order had told me that Ele was abandoning me, two years that had felt ten times longer. The unexpected days when I’d woken up and could barely get out of bed, so disconnected had I been from me; the growing fissure of gaping wrongness that had widened with every passing day. Each of these had plagued me with increasing frequency over the years.
At times, I wished that the splinters had never told me about Ele’s abandonment. It was petty, I knew, but sometimes, I wondered if I didn’t know why these misfortunes had afflicted me, whether it would hurt quite so badly or whether my ignorance would somehow dull what was wrong. Thank Alouin, today was one of my good days, one where I almost felt normal.
Qena was in sight, which meant the storms’ frequency should slow to near nothing now. The tiny village rested between the two mountain ranges on Auden’s southern border, separating that realm from the Wastelands. These mountains shielded Qena from most of the hurricanes that plagued its barren neighbor, but every couple of decades, one would make its way far enough inland to funnel into the pass, temporarily increasing in strength until it could peter out on the other side.
Only the craziest of people would want to live in a location under constant threat of destruction, but that was Qena for you. They were an eccentric bunch, to say the least.
The village had originally been founded to study the nearby tear, the largest one in Auden, but out of necessity, that study had branched into other disciplines as well. For example, when Doldimar had demanded more provisions from the Qenans than they could provide at the time, they’d created windmills, mechanisms that harnessed the pass’s constant wind flow to quickly grind grain into flour.
People whispered that once, when this region’s Enforcer had slated Qena for Harvest, its villagers had concocted contraptions that could hoist people into the air so they could rain death on the hostile Kiraak. Recently, rumors about the town had gone quiet, but a silence like that usually meant the bizarre villagers were in the middle of developing something big, something that would again rock Auden with its audacity.
As I approached the windmills, I considered how I felt about Qena, quickly settling on unsure. On the one hand, a town of scientists, working together to discover the world’s natural properties and laws, would have enamored Eriadren, but on the other hand, I was terrified that if these people realized who and what I was, they’d hack me into pieces to figure out how I ticked. It had happened often enough before.
No matter how I felt about the village, I’d never had any doubt about entering it again. I’d exhausted my food supply days ago, and while Ele refused to let me starve to death, starving by itself seemed acceptable to it. Plus, after the week I’d had, a night in an actual bed sounded glorious.
“Afternoon!” said a man from atop the fence that hemmed Qena’s border. “Never thought we’d be seeing you again.”
“What can I say? Mother Nature decided she didn’t like the way I tasted.”
Stepping around the fence, I hurried for the town’s decrepit inn as quickly as I could. I was hoping to draw as little attention to myself as possible, although upon approaching town square, it appeared that task might not be as daunting as I’d thought.
Qena had a large town hall replete with windows, an odd display of prosperity in such a remote location. Considering this building was where the Qenans taught their children, performed experiments, and worked on community projects, town hall’s status as the finest building in a village of scientists and engineers seemed only natural. To them, it was comparable to a hall of worship.
A contingent of soldiers had formed a ring around the hall, dressed in the buttoned jackets and loose slacks of the military uniform, and around them, a crowd was watching, all alight with hope and eager devotion.
I wandered toward the back of it.
“You’re back,” a young voice piped up beside me.
When I looked down, I smiled at the child gazing back at me. She shoved her thumb into her mouth, clutching her patched, stuffed bear more tightly.
Such a strange sight, a child. In Allanovian, children had been kept separate from the rest of the community to keep them safe, and since leaving that metaphorical prison, my circumstances hadn’t exactly been conducive to meeting one.
Crouching, I told this wondrous little girl, “I am. I said I would, didn’t I?”
Thoughtfully considering me, she popped her thumb out of her mouth.
“Will you do another light show for me?” she asked.
Snorting, I pressed my palm to my mouth. Gods, I’d forgotten what children could be like.
“I can’t right now, sweetling,” I said before leaning in conspiratorially. “There are too many people around, but maybe I can later, all right?”
She nodded as if I’d asked the most solemn of favors.
“Do you know why the army’s here, little one?” I asked, gesturing toward the soldiers.
“They’re here to protect someone, I think,” she said. “They’re going to fix the tear for us.”
I couldn’t help it. I tried to restrain the noise, but a laugh flew out of me like a bird escaping from its opened cage, and I rocked in place. With her brow crinkling, the child frowned at me.
“Did I say something funny?” she asked.
“It wasn’t you, sweetling. Just a funny set of circumstances,” I said, patting her head. “Do you know where your parents are?”
Vigorously nodding, she pointed at a couple who were each raised on their tiptoes to get a better look at the soldiers.
“Make sure you stay with them, otherwise I might not be able to find you for your light show,” I said.
Her eyes widened, and without another word, she scurried to join the couple. After watching to make sure she'd reached them, I pushed through the crowd, using gentle shoves and short bursts of Ele to clear a path. On reaching the front of it, I scanned the soldiers’ faces, confident that one of the Hand would be here, and sure enough, there he was.
“Hey, little soldiers!” I called over the crowd’s heads.
Hopefully, that wouldn’t distinguish Little too much from his comrades. At the greeting, the spy snapped his eyes toward me, resting a hand on the hilt of his sword, and I waved.
Little burst out laughing, making the other soldiers uneasily stare at him. The spy’s scars made it difficult to find him anything but unnerving. White lines ran in no discernible pattern over his face, and his mouth was unnaturally deformed, all of which lent Little a discomfiting presence.
In past conversations, Little had shared how much he both delighted in and hated the changes to his features. I wasn’t sure why he was so dead set against romantic prospects that he was grateful to be this scarred, but I did know that he didn’t like how much attention they drew his way.
As soon as I broke into the space between the crowd and the soldiers, Little pulled me close, pounding on my back.
Holding me at arm’s length, he said, “It’s good to see you, Rhy! What a coincidence!”
“There’s no such thing as coincidence. Not in our world,” I said, even as I grinned. “I hear Raimie’s come to Qena. I guess that’s why you’re here too.”
“Someone needs to watch his back, whether he likes it or not,” Little said. “Come inside. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when you walk into the room.”
Chapter 68: The First of Them
Rhylix
As Little and I made our way toward town hall, the other soldiers reluctantly let me through their line, staring at my gray eyes. Many of the people who’d enlisted into the army after Doldimar’s disappearance had been Conscripted soldiers, people eager to cast off his shackles and the atrocities that had been forced from them. Once, they’d worked closely with the Dark Lord, and to them, gray eyes were a mark of madness and cruelty, or at least, that had been my experience among them to date. Little had greeted me as a friend, though, so no one protested as we slipped into town hall.
“What are you doing in Qena?” Little asked.
We were walking down a wide corridor, lined with tools and half-finished contraptions, and at the question, I bit my lip, considering how to answer.
“Same thing as ever. Looking for Doldimar,” I eventually said. “Excuse me for a moment.”
Spying a door ahead, I peeled off toward it before Little could express any doubt that he might have for my mission. I was sick of hearing people insist that Doldimar had well and truly left Auden. There was no need to listen to that derisive spiel from Little, a kid I’d grown close with in the years since the Dark Lord’s disappearance. I might even hesitantly call him a friend.
So, I ran away from Little’s reply, ducking into a room set up like a laboratory. Waist-high counters formed a ring around the room, topped with test tubes, beakers, and the fancy, gas-fed burners that the Qenans used. Only one bench was currently in use, and I snatched the wrist of the teenager sitting at it. With her brilliantly red hair dangling dangerously close to flames, she’d been poised to add her dropper’s contents to the powdery substance dusting the beaker below her.
Glancing at me, the teenager raised an eyebrow.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
Nodding toward her experiment, I said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. At least not without proper protective equipment.”
The girl’s eyes flashed, although I couldn’t say if it was with interest or anger. When I gently loosened my hold on her wrist, she set the dropper aside.
“Why would I need PPE right now?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. “I’m adding dirty water to crushed rock. I expect to see some fizzing, but no more violent of a reaction than that. I’m bored! The others won’t let me work on their secret project, and I’ve been fiddling with the elder’s ‘safe’ experiments for ages. I want to try something new.”
Crossing my arms, I suppressed a smile.
“The liquid in that dropper is as much water as I am a human, and I think you know it, given how carefully you were handling it,” I said. “From the color, I’d say it probably burned your skin when you took a sample. Am I right?”
“It might have stung a bit, yes,” she said. “How did you-?”
“And I know that mineral. It’s rather beautiful before it’s ground up like this,” I interrupted. “I’ve seen those two substances combined before, and the results weren’t pleasant. People died. I’d rather not have a repeat of that accident, so please, at least wear a mask and gloves when playing with unknown substances like this.”
My warning didn’t seem to faze this girl. In fact, she scooted forward, cupping her chin in her hands.
“What happened?” she asked. “In your accident, I mean.”
I flinched. That had been stupid. I should have known she’d want more information after I’d shared my experience. I’d have wanted the same at her age.
If I didn’t give her an answer, I had no doubt that this teenager would finish what she’d started with even more eagerness than before. So, I carefully extracted the single memory that I needed from the container it rested inside, slamming the door shut before more could flood through.
“At first? Nothing,” I said, distantly noting how detached I sounded. “The experiment was concluded without a hitch. The resulting concoction was spilled over the subject in question, but the mixture appeared to cause no reaction.”
Councilman Reive had been furious about that, deliberately pouring greater quantities of the liquid over his test subject’s body, but eventually, he’d let Eriadren go home to Lirilith, a mistake as it had turned out. She’d woken up to her husband dying in bed beside her.
“Within twenty-four hours, the subject developed severe burns where the concoction had touched his bare skin, to the point that it almost melted away. In addition, a persistent cough, fever, and chills afflicted him. He eventually died, choking on his own body fluids.”
Stiffening, the teenager carefully slid the dropper and beaker away from one another.
“Gruesome,” she said.
That was an understatement. Reive might have been displeased on the day he’d tossed that acid over Eriadren, but when Lirilith had dragged her wheezing husband to the bastard’s home, he’d been ecstatic. The ‘quarantine’ that he’d enforced while his subject had been ‘in recovery’ had lasted for days. Long, uninterrupted days when Reive had gained easy access to Eriadren’s deathless body.
“Who are you?”
The question drew me back to the present, and I blinked. The teenager was intently looking at me, which was unnerving, but I answered her anyway.
“My name is Rhylix,” I said. “And you are?”
She didn’t seem to have heard me.
“Rhylix, Rhylix, Rhylix,” she said, sucking on her teeth. “Where have I heard that name before?”
She widened her green eyes.
“Oh, my gods, you’re the king’s pet primeancer,” she breathed.
Hastily, she rose from her bench, dipping into a quick curtsy, which… ok?
“I’d say we’re more friends than master and pet but-” I said.
She took hold of my hands with a painful grip.
“Can I trust him?” she asked.
What kind of question was that?
“Um. Yes?” I said. “Raimie’s one of the most honest men I’ve ever met.”
“That’s not what I mean,” the teenager moaned.
Rubbing her face, she ran her hands through her hair.
“I mean, can I trust him?” she says. “He’s aligned with both Ele and Daevetch, impossible as that is. I know he tolerates your presence, but what would he do with me?”
“What are you talking-?”
Oh.
“You’re a primeancer,” I said.
She frantically nodded, making light that I hadn’t created flash in the room. An Ele primeancer, then. That was good.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
Before, I’d only inquired about that out of politeness because I’d thought this would be a brief, random encounter, but the fact that she could access Ele changed things.
“Miranon,” she said.
“Well, Miranon,” I said. “If your splinter has taught you well enough that you can hide your abilities, it should have taught you the proper etiquette when it comes to greeting a fellow Ele wielder.”
Flushing, Miranon said, “She. She taught me.”
But she fluttered her fingers a little, and her twin appeared beside her.
“Now yours,” the unfamiliar splinter said.
Creation wasn’t really mine, but I couldn’t share that fact with this new splinter. It didn’t matter that she was aligned with Ele. I wouldn’t reveal everything I was to relative strangers, so I asked Creation to make themselves visible.
“You are?” Creation asked of Miranon’s twin.
“Creation,” the other splinter answered, “and you?”
My constant shadow giggled, a bit manically.
“Eriadren, it’s a female you, replete with the red hair, secondary green pigment, and defiant attitude!” they gasped. “She’s even a scientist!”
I rolled my eyes while Miranon’s splinter took a step back. There had gone the secret of my identity, at least when it came to the teenager’s splinter.
“Eriadren?” both of them asked.
The other Creation splinter seemed to be hyperventilating, which was… interesting. Since when were splinters afraid of me? It was usually awe or a condescending attitude from them.
Also. Why the hell was my Creation still giggling up a storm?
“Stop it,” I growled.
This, unfortunately, only made them laugh harder, and at that, the other Creation narrowed her eyes at us with a look of concern flashing over her face.
“You might want to consider returning to the whole at some point, aspect…?” she said.
“Creation,” my constant shadow gasped. “I’m of Creation too, but shouldn’t you know that, given who he-”
“I swear to gods, Creation,” I hissed. “Shut the hell up.”
My Creation clicked their teeth together, although their uproarious laughter never stopped.
“This is getting confusing,” Miranon said. “Are you satisfied?”
“Entirely.”
At our command, both splinters disappeared from the visible spectrum, returning to where only their primeancer could see them. Thank. the. gods. Why did dealing with anything Ele related always give me a headache?
“What now?” Miranon asked.
It was a good question. What should I do with this primeancer? I knew they’d started crawling out of the woodwork years ago, when Doldimar had still held power, but Miranon was the first one I’d run into. So, what…?
“Now, you come with me,” I said with a mischievous grin. “I’ll introduce you to my friend.”
I hadn’t thought it possible, but Miranon’s eyes widened even further than they’d been before. She meekly followed me out of the lab to where Little was leaning against a wall with his eyes closed.
“You done?” he said without opening said eyes.
“All finished,” I said. “Sorry for making you wait.”
Pushing off of the wall, Little warily glanced at Miranon after seeing her.
“You’ve acquired a stray,” he said.
“And you’ve gotten taller. Hooray for stating the obvious!” I said. “Still want to take me to Raimie?”
“As cagey and arrogant as ever, I see,” Little said with amusement. “I’ll take you to the king, but don’t expect me to stick around once we reach him. He’s in the middle of a meeting with a bunch of cranky elders.”
“Hooray…” I weakly repeated.
This would be fun.
Chapter 69: Reunion
Rhylix
When we stepped into the meeting room, several voices were clamoring to be heard, and Raimie was slouched on the other side of a long table, a perfect picture of misery. He nodded at Little, but when he saw me, he shot to his feet with his chair clattering to the floor behind him.
The room’s other occupants turned to inspect the person who’d so thoroughly surprised their guest, and at their stares, Miranon hid behind me, biting her lip.
Interesting… Why was she so nervous about being around these people?
Vaulting over the table, Raimie pulled me into a hug.
“Thank the gods you’re here,” he frantically whispered. “You have to save me.”
I had to what now?
“Who’s this?” the wrinkly woman behind him asked.
With a long sigh, Raimie faced her, clapping my shoulder.
“This is my friend, Rhylix,” he said.
“Wait. I know you,” a woman further down the table said, cutting off anything else Raimie might have meant to say.
She inched forward with her eyes narrowed.
“Yes!” she said. “You’re that lunatic who set off into the Wastelands a week ago. Didn’t you say you meant to venture past the tear? You can’t go into the Wastelands like that without risking a storm. I thought we’d seen the last of you which… how are you alive?”
Little, who had yet to depart despite his earlier assertion, glared at his charge.
“Past the tear..." he murmured before snapping his gaze to Raimie. "I thought you said this mission wouldn’t be dangerous!"
A distraction! Counting my luck, I held perfectly still, letting attention drift back to my friend. I probably shouldn’t be doing that, but… keeping attention off of myself would be preferable, at least for the moment.
“It won’t be dangerous!” Raimie said. “The tear’s not that far into the Wastelands-”
“You didn’t answer my question, young man,” the middle-aged woman interrupted, glaring at me.
Rapidly blinking, I hoped that my luck-
“Miranon, dear, what are you doing here?” a thin, reedy voice asked from the grouping of elders.
Oh, good. It looked like chaos was about to ensue. Once this was over, maybe I should thank Raimie’s Daevetch splinter for this host of distractions instead of my luck.
“You failed to mention that this quest would require traversing the Wastelands,” Little hissed before hastily adding. “Your Majesty.”
“Did you disturb these two gentlemen, Miri?” the reedy voice said, echoing Little’s displeasure.
Miranon further slunk into my shadow, and seeing her timidity, I groaned. I knew Raimie could handle these people but Miranon? I wasn’t so sure. Plus, I’d brought her in here, drawing attention her way.
So, I called to the Ele in the room, and it responded with a blinding flash. The floor, the people, and the air itself blazed bright white.
As the light faded, I shouted, “Everyone hush! I can’t hear myself think.”
As requested, quiet reigned supreme for a moment with every eye on me until Raimie couldn’t control himself anymore. He rushed out of the room, but the walls and a closed door between us didn’t stop everyone in the room from hearing his delighted laughter. Rolling his eyes, Little followed his charge, leaving me with the Qenans.
“So, that’s how you survived the Wastelands,” the old woman said. “You should have said something the first time you passed through. We’d have sent you out there with equipment to take storm readings for us.”
“I’m not fond of scientists as a general rule,” I said with a tight voice. “They frequently dissect primeancers, in an attempt to replicate our powers for themselves.”
“If you decide to donate your body to Qena when you die, then of course the scientists here would be more than happy to break it into pieces,” the old woman says. “What else would you expect us to do with it? Let such a precious sample become worm food?”
She hadn’t even considered trying to experiment on me while I was still breathing.
There it was. Every time I started to despair, it came like a breath of fresh air: a reminder that not all was hopelessness and misery. Good existed in the world.
With a flushed face, Raimie slid back into the room, leaving Little outside.
“Apologies, sirs, madams, and individuals. I suddenly had a need to examine the fascinating flying machines that you have stored in the hall,” he said.
He flashed a cheeky grin at the room, daring the others to contradict him, before continuing.
“What were we discussing?”
Before the room could devolve into a shouted cacophony again, I said, “I need to speak with you. Preferably alone.”
“Of course, Rhy,” Raimie said. “Is there a room we can borrow?”
...I hadn't meant right now, but I supposed my friend had mentioned an eagerness to get out of whatever conversation he'd been having before I'd interrupted it.
Turned to the elders, Raimie folded his hands in front of him with a smile. He received a lot of eyerolls and huffing in response, but soon enough, the old woman stepped forward.
“Take this one,” she said. “I’m sure us Qenans would rather return to our projects than repeat our request. Unless you need another recap?”
“No, I understood it after hearing it the first time,” Raimie said. “Go to the tear. Figure out what’s wrong, and fix it. Only close it as a last resort.”
“Good to know our future king can use those enormous ears to listen to his subjects,” the old woman said, “but remember, this isn’t a local phenomenon. Several other towns have come to us, asking for help with their smaller tears. So, this problem is one for all of Auden.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
While the elders shuffled out of the room, Raimie glared daggers at their spokesperson, only relaxing once the room had emptied.
“I’m so glad to see you, Rhy,” he said. “It’s been, what? Four months since your visits to Elisk matched up with mine? Please tell me you’ve found something in that time.”
“Not a trace of a whisper,” I said with a grimace. “What about on your end?”
“Nothing since we last spoke. Doldimar didn’t keep records while he was in power. I’ve trudged through several years’ worth of documentation made by the Enforcers who were inclined to do so in his stead, but I haven’t found anything useful yet. Just a disgusting number of reports that tallied the babies born each year versus the death toll in each region,” Raimie said. “Doldimar held dominion for almost three centuries, though. I’ve barely scratched the surface.”
“At least you have open avenues of investigation,” I said. “I’ve run out of ideas for where he might have hidden.”
“There is that.”
Raimie blew out a long breath before grinning at me.
“Gods, I’ve missed you,” he said. “It’s good to talk about this without someone looking at me with pity or worse, like I’ve gone insane.”
“Don’t I know it.”
Groaning, I lifted my face toward the ceiling with my hands on my hips.
“I’ve tried asking townsfolk about unexplained deaths or wanton destruction after I arrived at each one, but as soon as I told them why I was asking, they’ve laughed at me.”
“I think you may have gotten your revenge just now,” Raimie said, chuckling. “That was a neat trick with the light. The looks on their faces were priceless.”
How was it that my friend could so easily distract me? I’d come here with a purpose, and it hadn’t been one that involved our shared project of finding Doldimar.
“Speaking of Ele, I’d like you to meet someone,” I said.
I beckoned the wide-eyed teenager, still trying to hide in my shadow, forward.
“This is Miranon, aspect Creation. Miranon, my best friend, Raimie, aspect Order.”
Nervously dipping into a curtsy, the teenager clasped her hands in front of her while Raimie shifted in place.
“Er… hello,” he awkwardly said. “I’m pleased to meet you?”
When he glanced at me, I bit back a laugh. Damn, Raimie’s social awkwardness came out at the most hilarious of times. I should probably help him out.
Chapter 70: Hopeful Speculation
Rhylix
“Miranon?” I said, nudging the girl at Raimie’s side. “Why don’t you show him what you can do?”
She flashed a blanched face and pleading eyes at me.
“It’s all right. I promise,” I said. “I know that after years spent hiding, this is hard, but I swear to you. You’ll be safe, even if I need to protect you myself.”
During that exchange, Raimie had bounced his gaze between us, but his mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ when Miranon took a deep breath and made her hands glow.
“Should I show him my splinter as well?” she asked.
“That won’t be necessary,” I said. “Raimie’s never been one to rely on formality or protocol. Hates it, from what I can tell.”
With his shock having apparently broken, Raimie shouted, “You can access Ele?”
At that, Miranon lifted her glowing hands, crooking an eyebrow.
“Right. Of course you can,” Raimie said with a nervous laugh. “Forgive me. You’ve come as a surprise. I thought primeancers were rare.”
“They usually are, but every so often, a surge of them spurts into the world,” I said. “It comes in cycles.”
“You mean-?” Raimie said.
I nodded. When Ele and Daevetch sent their Champions into the physical plane, a host of splinters soon followed, seeking out potential humans or Esela to partner with.
Squaring her shoulders, Miranon met Raimie’s eyes.
“Will you attack me?” she asked.
“No! I’m pleased to meet another Ele primeancer,” Raimie said, drawing his eyebrows together. “Why would I attack you?”
“Because you’re aligned with Daevetch, and my splinter doesn’t like you at all,” Miranon said. “The last time a Daevetch primeancer visited Qena, she tried to kill me, but then again, the last person my splinter hated is my best friend. Past experience makes me wary of you, but it also tells me to give you the benefit of the doubt.”
Gods, the pained look on Raimie’s face!
Raising his hands, he said, “Unless you try to hurt me first, I won’t harm you, Miranon, but you’re right to doubt me. I don’t know how I can prove that I mean you no harm, except by maybe…”
Raimie bit his lip with his eyes growing distant, and at the appearance of that expression, I internally sighed. Either a brilliant idea or a staggeringly dangerous one was sure to follow it.
Turning to me, Raimie said, “You said a surge? How many do you think are currently living in Auden?”
“How should I know?” I said with a shrug. “But I have heard rumors all across the realm of primeancers in hiding.”
“Hmm.”
Tapping his fingers on his lips, Raimie pointed at Miranon.
“How would you like to learn how to control Ele from someone who’s mastered it?” he asked.
“I’ve been hoping for greater control since Creation first came to me,” Miranon said. “Soon after her appearance, I started practicing, but in one session, I accidentally jumped too high over a fallen tree and broke my arm in the fall. I'd like to avoid repeating that experience.”
Hissing, Raimie said, “Oo… yeah, I’ve done that. Doesn’t feel nice, does it?”
Miranon shook her head, and watching them interact, I realized what my friend was thinking of doing, wanting to smack myself for not seeing it sooner.
“You want to build a school,” I said.
“Think about it, Rhy!” Raimie said. “We gather primeancers together, give them what they need to master their respective energies, and when Doldimar eventually returns…”
“We greet him with an army of Ele wielders,” I breathed.
The idea was audacious, breathtaking, and utterly brilliant. In the past, gathering a group of Ele primeancers together had been guaranteed to end in slaughter, prompted by either Daevetch wielders or norms, burdened by fear. Since coming to Auden, however, Raimie and I had worked tirelessly to prove that Ele primeancers were beacons of hope, although those efforts sometimes seemed to have barely worked, but even still, with Doldimar vanished, a school for primeancers might be feasible.
“Until Doldimar makes his move, we can create a haven in the palace for Ele and Daevetch primeancers,” Raimie said. “Alouin knows there’s room-”
“Daevetch primeancers?” I said. “Why would you want them anywhere near you? When they’re not insane, they’re bloodthirsty.”
Raimie flinched away from me with hurt spasming across his face.
“Ouch! That smarts, Rhy. They can’t all be as you’ve described. Some have to be like me. They have to.”
Looking to the side, he crossed his arms, slowly breathing out, and I frowned at him. Was he worried that he’d become like Doldimar’s Enforcers, the only other Daevetch primeancers he’d met? Because… he would. Eventually. Daevetch allowed nothing less for its primeancers, but I didn’t think Raimie’s fall was likely to come any time soon. My friend rarely, if ever, showed the symptoms associated with that final state.
Shaking himself, Raimie said, “Besides, what Daevetch primeancers can do is more conducive to combat than Ele’s granted abilities, and I believe in offering protection to anyone who might suffer at the hands of our enemy, including primeancers who are typically associated with evil.”
He paused.
“Dim wants me to add that Ele primeancers aren’t much better. They’re self-righteous to the point of rigidity, unwilling to recognize a creative solution to a problem if it bit them in the ass. Their words, not mine.”
“Even if it’s possible that they deserve or need protection, you can’t put primeancers from opposite sides so close to one another,” I said. “They’d rip each other apart, and you’d have a massacre on your hands.”
With an eye twitching, Raimie opened his mouth to argue, but a knock stopped him from speaking, for which I was grateful. I didn’t like disagreeing with my friend, but I especially didn’t like it when the disagreement was over a concept that shouldn’t be in question.
A niggling piece of my heart that belonged solely to Lirilith found the idea of Ele and Daevetch primeancers working together intriguing, but the Champion of Ele had too many years of dealing with primeancers to find it viable. I’d never met anyone, burdened with a splinter, who could tolerate being in the same room as a primeancer from the opposite side.
Except for Raimie. I had no issue with being around my friend. Why was that?
A teenage boy poked his head around the door, roaming his bespectacled eyes over the room until they landed on Miranon.
Pushing through the door, he said, “Miri! They said you’d be in here. Why aren’t you in the lab? Was my grandmother awful to you again? I thought we were planning on testing those new materials today. Remember? "
The teenager’s close-cropped, black hair had turned his head into a fuzzball, further blurred by his rush to Miranon, and she came to meet him, grabbing his hands.
“‘jesper! You have perfect timing, as usual!” she said, pulling him behind her. “This is Rhylix and Raimie. We’ve been discussing an intriguing idea, or rather, they have. I’ve mostly been watching and staying out of the way. Raimie. Rhylix. This is my best friend, Tejesper.”
“Pleased to meet you,” Raimie and I said with utter confusion in both of our tones.
“Wait. Miri! Raimie, as in soon-to-be-king Raimie?” Tejesper asked with his hazel eyes lighting up. “Oh, my gods, you’re my hero!”
As if realizing how much he’d been gushing, he blushed, ducking his head.
“I suppose you get that a lot, though, what with being Auden’s liberator,” he said. “Is it true that you control both Daevetch and Ele?”
“…Yes?” Raimie said.
“How?”
Tejesper moved forward, adjusting his spectacles on his nose.
“Please, tell me how you do it. I need to know. Please.”
“Um,” Raimie said, taking a step back. “I was born with both splinters. I don’t really know why.”
Now that, I hadn’t known. As far as I was aware, people weren’t born primeancers. They had to do something to attract a splinter. Add another oddity to the list of peculiarities that made up Raimie.
“Oh,” Tejesper said.
Stopping short, he slumped, and relaxing, Raimie came close enough to rest a hand on the teenager’s shoulder.
“Why did you want to know?” he quietly asked.
Tejesper hesitated. From behind, Miranon prodded his side.
“Show them,” she hissed. “I did, and I’m alive. I think we can trust them.”
Glancing at her, Tejesper said, “I trust you, Miri.”
But he stepped back and closed his eyes, and the room darkened with shadows slithering over every surface. My stomach rebelled at the sight, and it didn’t matter what Raimie was or why I could stand to be near my friend. My mind screamed ‘enemy’, and I shot Ele forward, pinning a Daevetch primeancer to the wall. The shadows vanished as my adversary struggled to get away, kicking against the wall and trying to jerk his hands free, but his attempts were futile. No one could escape my Ele grip.
Starting forward, I reached for one of my knives, but someone grabbed my wrist before I could unsheathe it.
“Let him go, Rhy!” Raimie shouted.
Blinking, I tried to understand why my friend was stopping me. Didn’t he understand? Did he not see?
“He’s the enemy!” I snapped. “He needs to die!”
I tried to tug my hand free, but Raimie held firm, peeling his lips back from his teeth.
“Rhy,” he hissed. “Look at Miranon.”
To appease my friend, I did so and cocked my head. The girl might be trembling, but white light had filled her hands, aimed at me. Her eyes were so very wide with a single tear rolling down her cheek, and she was prepared to attack me, her ally, to protect a primeancer who belonged to the enemy. Why?
The picture shifted, and I was immobilizing not an enemy but a terrified teenager to the wall. A boy who was barely out of childhood and I’d planned to murder him. As I flinched away from the thought, Ele returned to me in a rush, and Tejesper collapsed to his hands and knees, coughing.
Not trusting myself to come any closer, I said, “I’m so sorry. You can’t understand. I’ve fought Daevetch for so long. It’s almost an instinctual reaction-”
“I don’t blame you,” Tejesper interrupted with a raspy voice, “and I do understand. What do you think I feel every time I look at Miri? But she’s my best friend. I won’t let Daevetch control me. I control it.”
Easy for him to say when his source wasn’t keeping him alive but…
“I take your point,” I said.
“When I broke my arm, ‘jesper used Daevetch’s strength to carry me home,” Miranon said. “It nearly killed him.”
Good gods, how strong-willed was this kid? He’d not only restrained an overpowering desire to kill his friend but used Daevetch, the energy that had been prompting the murderous desire, just to help her. He and Raimie would get along famously. Or they’d kill each other.
“Out of curiosity, which splinter did you attract?” Raimie asked.
“That’s right. I haven’t properly greeted you yet.”
Climbing to his feet, the teenager laid a fist over his breast.
“Tejesper, citizen of Qena, aspect Destruction, at your service.”
His twin flashed into view, hungrily leering at me, before disappearing.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Tejesper said. “I’m not fond of my splinter.”
“No, dismissing it was wise, given Rhy’s reaction to you,” Raimie said. “We shouldn’t bring a Daevetch splinter into the mix. Rhylix can barely control himself around Dim. Chaos. Whatever they’re called.”
Turning to me, he rested his hands on his hips.
“So, what do you think now?” he asked. “Is a school enrolled with Daevetch and Ele students possible?’
“I think…it’s worth trying, if only because they are better able to kill our enemy,” I said. “We’ll need to be extra cautious when the wielders of opposite sides meet, though. Keep them separate for the most part.”
“Do we get a say in this?” Miranon asked with a huff.
Raimie blinked at her with a troubled expression crossing his face. He probably hadn’t considered that some primeancers might not want what he was suggesting.
“You always have a say in your future,” Raimie said. “Always.”
Or he could be surprised that these two had thought they wouldn’t get a choice. Raimie might have liberated Auden, but he could never understand what his new subjects had lived through since birth, or… given what I knew about his past, maybe he could.
“Would you like to live in the palace at Elisk and learn to control the energies that you wield?” he asked. “You’re welcome to stay in Qena, if that’s what you want.”
Miranon and Tejesper exchanged glances, seemingly talking wordlessly.
“I think we’d rather come with you,” Tejesper said, holding Miranon’s gaze.
“Wonderful,” Raimie said.
And all three of them grinned with giddiness infecting the room.
“Go pack a bag, you two. Once I’m finished with the tear, you’ll come home with me.”
The teenagers made their farewells, and all too soon, only my friend and I occupied the room.
“If this idea works, who will teach them?” I asked, fixing my eyes on a closed door. “You?”
“Are you kidding me?” Raimie said. “On top of running a kingdom, searching for Doldimar, and researching solutions for your curse? I wouldn’t have the time. Besides, I’m not a master of either side of primeancy, but I know someone who is.”
“You’re going to make me a teacher, aren’t you?” I groaned.
“Oh, don’t give me that. You know you’d love it,” Raimie said. “Besides, if we’re taking the ‘Doldimar comes to us’ route, you’ll have plenty of time on your hands, and I know you don’t like being idle.”
He’d made a good point but…
“I’ll accept your offer to head the ‘college of Ele’,” I said, “but who will teach the Daevetch students? Certainly not me and you’ve said you can’t.”
“I have someone for the job, but I’m not sure where she is at the moment,” Raimie said. “Do you remember Nessaira and that Kiraak you spared at the Birthing Grounds?”
“I recall them both, especially the Overseer of Da’kul and her crossbow bolts of doom,” I said, making a face. “I also remember that neither of them could access Daevetch, hence why they were Overseers and not Enforcers, but I’ll indulge you. Whatever happened to those two?”
“They were released after thorough interrogations,” Raimie said. “I found it unlikely that they’d return to their Dark Lord, knowing what would happen to them after spilling his secrets to the enemy.”
“A reasonable assumption,” I said.
“I thought so,” Raimie said. “In any case, about six months ago, I received a request from Nephiron’s mayor. Several of his citizens had been murdered in a manner that was disturbingly reminiscent of the days of Doldimar’s reign. I headed out, thinking the culprit would be a rogue Kiraak missed during the sweeps, but when I arrived, Nessaira approached me, requesting asylum.
“Before the incident, she and the man you spared, Wilphanas, had lived together for several months, drawn to one another by their similar backgrounds. From the way she described it, their relationship went deeper than mere kinship.
“Right as the two had begun adjusting to their life of normalcy, a group of Nephironians recognized Nessaira as Teron’s former Overseer. They, predictably, attacked her. She tried to flee, tried to reason with her attackers, but they rejected her pleas and refused to let her escape. She took her beating, prepared to die for her past crimes, but Wilphanas came to her defense, dying in her stead. You can guess what happened next.”
“A Daevetch splinter came to her, and she massacred her attackers?” I said.
“That’s essentially what she confessed. I took her into my custody, dropping her with Gistrick at Da’kul,” Raimie said. “I lost track of what happened to her after that, distracted by the next catastrophe I had to handle.”
So, the Overseer was now a Daevetch primeancer, which made her a candidate for the position that would match mine. Still.
“Why do you think she, a woman who put a crossbow bolt through my neck and who we both know to be unstable, should teach impressionable primeancers?” I asked.
“We don’t exactly have our choice of Daevetch primeancers, Rhy,” Raimie said with a sigh, “and while Nessaira may only have months of authentic experience with her powers, she spent years watching Teron’s mastery of the shadows when he was alive.”
I kept my lips tightly sealed, hating the conclusion that my friend was forcing me to arrive at. I didn’t want to work with a woman who’d once killed me, no matter how temporary my death might have been.
“You know I’m right,” Raimie said, crossing his arms.
Making a face, I nodded, refusing to audibly agree, but that didn’t stop Raimie from beaming at me.
“Have we formed the first school, the first haven, for those of our kind?” he said.
Dear Alouin but that enthusiasm was infectious! Despite my misgivings about Nessaira, I couldn’t help but join my friend in an enormous grin.
“I believe we did,” I said.
“So many details to work out!”
Tapping his fingers on his thighs, Raimie started pacing, his typical habit when working through problems.
“We’ll need to allocate quarters for the students in the palace and figure out where they can safely practice with their energies,” he said, “and of course, there’s the problem of recruitment. How do we convince people who’ve been hiding for years to reveal themselves to the world?”
Restraining a laugh, I said, “You can worry about those problems once you’ve returned to Elisk. Don’t you have a task to complete here? Something to do with the nearby tear?”
Raimie grimaced.
“I’d almost forgotten about that,” he said with the words emerging as if they were rotten fruit. “They won’t explain what’s wrong with the tear, and yet, I’m expected to fix the issue. Sure, I’ve traveled to several of them in Auden, hoping to get a feel for their number and how active they are. I thought it might be useful to know what I can expect from that facet of the realm’s economy. That doesn’t make me an expert on the damn things, though, despite what everyone thinks.”
“You understand them better than anyone I’ve met before, my friend,” I said, “and that makes you an expert.”
“Regardless,” Raimie drawled, rolling his eyes, “I’m not sure what the fix for this tear will require of me, and it makes me nervous.”
A hopeful expression took hold of his face, which had me quietly groaning.
“Will you come with me?” Raimie asked. “I could use a friend.”
“Why are you even asking? You know what my answer will be,” I sourly said.
“Fantastic!” Raimie said, clapping his hands together. “I’ll let Little know, and we can get started.”
“Hang on!”
Leaping in front of my friend as he crossed to the door, I lightly rested a hand on his chest.
“I’ve been crisscrossing the Wastelands for the last week, only returning to Qena an hour ago,” I said. “Let me grab a bite to eat before we charge into those monsoon-plagued lands.”
“That’s fair,” Raimie said. “You can have your meal, but I am on a tight schedule, Rhy.”
What was that supposed to mean? At my questioning glance, Raimie shook his head.
“I’ll explain on the way,” he said. “Let’s say an hour? Will that be enough time for you?”
An hour to recover from three days without food and with little sleep? Ha!
“It’ll be plenty,” I said.
“In that case, I’ll meet you outside of town once you’ve finished,” Raimie said.
Happily humming, he practically skipped out the door, and once he was gone, I buried my face in my hands, screaming into them.
Chapter 71: Catching Up
Rhylix
An hour later, I trudged out of the village of scientists, making for a cluster of figures huddled by the closest windmill. Hostile stares greeted me from unfamiliar faces, and I was momentarily concerned that I’d need to defend myself against Raimie’s soldiers. Then, my friend bounced from out of their midst.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
Despite fatigue hovering over me like a threatening raincloud, I knew I was. My quick bite to eat had revitalized me, and while I’d miss the prospect of a bed tonight, the sacrifice would be worth it if I was allowed an evening wandering the countryside with my friend. If I tried very hard, I could almost imagine that the unfriendly soldiers didn’t exist.
“You mentioned that you were on a tight schedule?” I said. “Why is that?”
Why couldn’t this trip wait until morning? Why had I only been allowed an hour’s rest?
“The investiture has a date: a little over two weeks from now,” Raimie said. “Seeing as how travel between Qena and Elisk takes almost two weeks, the problem with this tear must be promptly resolved if I’m to be back in time.”
Folding his hands behind his back, he stared at the ground with his lip caught in his teeth.
“Who’s to become the new king?” I asked, prodding my friend.
Please, please, say that he wouldn’t speak Kylorian’s name.
“That would be me,” Raimie mumbled with a flush of color spreading across his cheeks.
“Oh, thank Alouin,” I said in a rush. “Don’t get me wrong. Ren’s adoptive brother has many admirable qualities, but he wouldn’t make a good king.”
“And I’ll be better?” Raimie said. “What will I do when people find out about Nylion, Rhy? And they will find out. Don’t say they won’t. Will they accept…me—”
Gods, how carefully that singular pronoun had been said!
“—when that happens, especially after everything that’s happened in the last few weeks?”
I hated it when this topic came up. That wasn’t because I disliked the idea of Nylion—given my experience with similar phenomena, I didn’t think that was possible—more that I had no way to relate, and that meant I usually couldn’t give my friend the advice or reassurance he needed. I ended up saying dumb things instead, like:
“What’s happened?”
Halfway through a step, Raimie scrambled to catch himself, nearly toppling in the process.
“Well…” he drawled, “he’s back in truth. No more hiding. And we’re… not… arguing.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” I asked. “His absence has been one of the things that’s most distressed you over the last two years.”
Wincing, Raimie glanced to the side, probably speaking with the person in his head who I might never meet. I’d love it if that did happen, but given how much those two had been shamed and hurt over their ‘many in one’ status in the past, I doubted either of them was comfortable with being genuine around another person.
“It is,” Ramie eventually said. “A good thing, I mean. But it came with… developments.”
When he refused to continue, I said, “Like?”
After glancing back at the soldiers, Raimie was chewing the hell out of his lip when he faced forward again, and he’d knotted his fingers in his tunic.
“You… like me, right? As a person,” he said. “Is there… anything that you’d never forgive me for? Besides, you know, the obvious.”
…Where was this going?
“Like deciding to help Doldimar for some inconceivable reason?” I said. “No, I don’t think anything, besides the obvious, would stop me from being your friend.”
Raimie nodded to himself, taking a few deep breaths.
“I kissed Nyl,” he said in a rush, “and there’s been… more over the last two weeks.”
I stopped short with an invisible wall springing up from the ground to stop me. I- I-
“WHAT?” I shouted.
With a hurried glance over his shoulder, Raimie took my arm, pulling me along. That encouragement was the only reason that I could operate my feet right now.
Numbly, I heard Raimie speaking to me.
“Please, Rhy, you can’t act strangely. If the others or gods forbid, Little realize that something strange is going on, they won’t rest until they figure out what’s wrong. They’re just those types of people. Please, I need-”
Pulling away from Raimie, I said, “You kissed him? The other person in your head? What-? No. How did you do that?”
Raimie shrank on himself, even if he still clung to me.
“There’s a place in my head where I can go when I sleep,” he said. “It feels real, and… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”
Nodding along, I thought I said something—
“Lucid dreaming. That makes sense.”
—but I was having trouble with wrapping my mind around this. It- it was making my head hurt. That combined with my fatigue and-
“I need to sit down,” I said.
Swallowing, Raimie said, “Ok.”
He turned toward the soldiers.
“Little, hold here, please. I’ll be right back,” he called. “I’m not going far. You can stay put.”
Something like an affirmative drifted to us, and rolling his eyes, Raimie led me a little further along, muttering under his breath. I got the feeling he was using his near constant annoyance with the Hand’s hovering to hide his anxiety.
When we reached the top of a nearby hill, Raimie sank to the ground, and as soon as he gestured, I collapsed beside him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t mean to hurt you in any way. I-”
“Raimie. I’m not upset. At all,” I said, “and what you’re talking about isn’t bad or wrong. It’s only… this is…”
With a timid smile, Raimie said, “A lot?”
I nodded.
“It’s a shock, even if that shock is mild,” I said. “Just give me a minute to think.”
Falling back, I threw my arms overhead, doing my best to fit this into what I already knew about Raimie.
“So, does this mean you’re attracted to men?” I asked. “Nylion is male, right? I think that’s what you’ve said before.”
“That’s right, but…. no. I don’t think so, at least,” Raimie said. “If I’m right about what the word ‘attraction’ truly means, then I have never, ever been attracted to men. Not once. Except with Nylion, but I don’t think what’s going on between us is because of ‘attraction’. I think…”
He fell silent, letting me watch wispy clouds float across the sky without distraction. They were so carefree with nothing to weigh them down or snarl them into knots, and when their time was done, they dissipated with nothing holding them in place. It would be an envious existence, if, you know, they were sentient.
“Have I told you about my bond with Nyl?” Raimie asked.
Still set adrift by my friend’s revelation, I could only lazily answer, “No.”
“Hmm.”
Something drummed beside my head, probably Raimie’s fingers.
“Ok, so we have this bond, like I said,” he said. “It’s like a… river? No, that’s a terrible analogy because it implies everything flows one way. Maybe… an extension of self? A continuation of existence? I really don’t know how to explain it.”
“That’s ok. I probably wouldn’t get it anyway. It sounds like one of those concepts that’s only understandable to those who’ve experienced it before,” I said. “Why is it important?”
“It lets me… be Nyl, if only in a way,” Raimie said. “I can hear what he’s thinking, feel what he’s feeling, all of the time… when it’s active. Given that, I think it was only inevitable that I ended up feeling… things for him.”
Frowning, I said, “I’d think that it would make you hate him. Having someone constantly nattering in your head? That sounds-”
I shuddered.
“It’s not like that!”
The frustration and stress in that explanation was enough to peel me off of the ground. When I sat up, I found Raimie curled on himself, tangling his fingers in his hair, and the part of me that had become exceedingly accustomed to my friend’s oddities sighed. I peeled Raimie’s hands off of his head, holding them together much like I held his eyes.
“It’s ok,” I said before repeating. “It’s ok. Calm down. I’m not going anywhere. You haven’t lost me. I’m only trying to understand. That’s all.”
Taking small sips of air, Raimie gradually unfurled from his ball, and after a moment, he nodded for me to release him.
Rubbing his wrists, he said, “I’m surprised you focused on the gender side of things rather than the obvious.”
“You mean that you’re kissing a part of yourself, no matter how separate he might be?” I asked. “Honestly, Raimie? If I were you, I’d be doing the exact same thing. You are… the most honorable person I’ve met in my long life. It’s ok if you love yourself a little.”
Raimie gave a tiny laugh before hugging his knees.
“Love,” he breathed to himself. “Is that what this is?”
I chose to ignore that comment, waiting for my friend to collect himself instead. When he glanced up, Raimie looked a bit less haunted, if still fearful.
“So, you’re still my friend?” he asked.
“Gods, Raimie. I told you. You’d have to do something seriously terrible to make me stop being your friend,” I said. “As I’ve mentioned before, I am, frankly, glad that you have someone like Nylion in your life. He seems to have been a good influence on you.”
But I refrained from saying anything about a potential meeting between us. If that was ever going to happen, I wanted it to be on both of their terms.
“I am a bit curious as to why you told me about this, though, much as I’m glad you did,” I continued. “It would have been easier to keep it to yourself.”
Shifting in place, Raimie picked at the grass around him.
“You may have been practice for someone else,” he said.
“Really?” I said with a laugh in my voice. “Who?”
Tightening on himself, Raimie said, “Ren.”
And I was quiet for a long time. I had many questions, namely what Ren had to do with anything. She was no longer in a relationship with Raimie, or that was what I’d thought, at least. I also wasn’t sure how his relationship with Nylion might have affected the one he’d once had with Ren. I only said one thing, though.
“Tell me everything.”
So, I learned about how Kaedesa has returned to Auden and what that meant for Raimie’s betrothal. I learned about my friend’s reunion with my sister, including Kylorian’s involvement with it. I learned that Raimie had told my sister about Nylion.
I learned about how Raimie had been agonizing over this, all of it. How he’d resolve his betrothal to Kaedesa while possibly renewing his relationship with Ren. How he’d share everything about Nylion with her. How every spare minute in the last two weeks had been spent thinking about this.
“Damn, Raimie, your last two weeks have been hell,” I said when he was finished.
Shrugging, Raimie said, “It hasn’t been so bad. I crossed paths with my best friend, so you know. That helped a lot.”
Falling back on my hands, I stretched my legs in front of me, wiggling them with a grin.
“Glad to have helped,” I said.
Snorting, Raimie said, “I don’t suppose said friend has any advice for me?”
Humming to myself, I contemplated the many problems on my friend’s plate for a moment.
“Be honest with her, whether that be Ren or Kaedesa,” I said. “Always be honest and tread carefully. Trust me. Ren will be patient. She probably understands the situation she’s put you in and will wait to see if you can get out of your promise of marriage or not. As for the Nylion thing…”
Pausing, I sucked on my lip.
“I honestly don’t know what to say, Raimie,” I said. “You need to tell whichever woman you end up with as soon as you possibly can, but besides that, I have nothing to give you.”
“You’ve already given me more than I expected,” Raimie said. “Thank you, Rhylix.”
“You’re welcome,” I said.
I waited for a moment, watching for the sign that my friend was about to do his inevitable scramble for a new conversation topic before continuing with.
“Your Majesty.”
Sucking in a gasp, Raimie play-smacked me.
“No. No, no, no,” he snapped. “I told you years ago. I don’t need your deference. Don’t you ever call me that. Not again.”
“All right, all right!” I said, laughing. “Stop slapping me, and maybe we can continue toward the tear. Still needs fixing, yes?”
“Unfortunately,” Raimie grumbled.
Springing to his feet, he offered me a hand up, and we rejoined the rest of the group. Once we’d walked for a good long while, long enough for me to start digesting everything my friend had shared, he spoke up again.
“What have you been up to for the last four months?” he asked. “Looking for Doldimar, I know. I’d like to hear about the specifics, please.”
Smiling to myself, I scanned the horizon again. Trust Raimie to continue on as if he hadn’t shared one of his deepest secrets with me not a quarter mark before.
“Since you’re so eager to know…” I started.
After a week of frozen hell, I’d made a brief stop in Nephiron, but I hadn’t bothered with searching Auden’s west coast. Since the realm’s liberators had made their first landing on the Outskirts, it had remained firmly under Raimie’s control, watched and monitored by trusted officials and allies from Tiro. Supplies from Ada’ir often entered the kingdom at Nephiron’s port, and large swaths of Raimie’s armed forces patrolled the main roads from the coast to the capital.
After a brief respite in the newly revitalized port city, I’d traveled south to Qena, beginning my search of the Wastelands.
As I wound down from my last tale, Raimie chuckled.
“So many times, we barely missed one another,” he said. “I was treating with the Matvai’s Vasnavai only a few weeks ago.”
“I heard rumors of your visit while scouring their forests,” I said. “I considered coming to see you but thought it best to keep from causing a diplomatic incident. The Matvai…”
In the dense mountain forests of their Homeland, the Matvai had a tradition of hunting Esela for sport, but I didn’t think sharing that fact with my friend was wise. If Raimie discovered the clans’ mistreatment of the Esela, he’d cut all ties with them, and while I hated what the Matvai had always done to my people, I also understood how important friendly relations between Auden and the clans were.
So, a half-truth instead.
“The Matvai aren’t fond of Esela, so I stayed away from them as much as possible while I was in their territory.”
With a fierce grin, Raimie said, “You couldn’t have made more of a mess than I did. The Vasnavai tried to kill me toward the end of our negotiations.”
“She did?” I said, laughing. “Well done, you! She must have liked you.”
“The knives she forced me to dodge would disagree with you,” Raimie said, “but back to your tale. Where were you headed next before our chance meeting?”
And I tasted ash in my mouth. Slowing down, I hugged myself.
“My final destination was the remnants of the Eselan Haven, although frankly, I’m glad you’ve given me an excuse not to go,” I said. “I wouldn’t care to see the shining cities of my youth in their state of destruction. I especially don’t need a visible reminder that my race has lost such strength and power that we must bow to humanity’s ‘superiority’. Yes, the Esela may soon cease to exist in the world, but reminders like the Haven are a slap in the face, an addition to the sting of our slow extinction.”
Raimie was quiet, silently moving his lips while he decided what to say, but I was happy to wait. My friend could take all the time in the world to reply, if that was what he needed. I’d rather if he thought out his response instead of blurting what first came to mind, as such thoughtfulness would save him from a lot of embarrassment once he was sitting on the throne.
“You should return to Qena,” he eventually said.
…What? Had I offended my friend somehow? I’d thought that after everything we’d spoken about, our relationship had grown, something I hadn’t thought possible before taking this delightful walk.
“Tired of my company already?” I lightly asked.
“What?” Raimie said, whipping his head toward me. “No, Rhy! I realized how silly we’re being. We decided to establish a primeancer refuge today, and after doing that, the first thing we did was charge off into an adventure. You should have stayed behind with Miranon and Tejesper, working on logistics. While on the journey home, we’ll have time to catch up. We don’t have to do it now.”
With a flat stare, I said, “You want me to work on your project while you’re off adventuring?”
“Can you manipulate tears?” Raimie asked. “Because unless you’ve developed that ability in the last four months, we can’t switch places, and trust me. I’d much rather tackle the task I’ve asked from you.”
That... was a good point. I wasn’t sure I’d want to do my friend’s job, even if I had his ability.
“Fair enough,” I said. “What should I do in Qena?”
“Mostly keep watch on our first two students and make sure they’re ready to leave soon,” Raimie said, “but come on, Rhy! You’ve seen a lot over the years. Surely you can think of a few issues we’ll face before we can establish a school.”
“I can think of a few,” I said, making a face.
“In that case, I’ll see you by morning,” Raimie said.
Stopping, he extended a hand, and taking it, I shook it, unable to break through the foreign feeling of the gesture. Ada’ir and its bizarre customs would never feel quite right to me.
Releasing my grip, I said, “Be careful, Raimie.”
My friend gave me a secret smile, like we were sharing a joke, and looking back on all the times that Raimie had run off to complete a task like this on his own, I shivered.
“I will,” he said.
Chapter 72: A Broken Tear
Raimie
Silently, I watched my friend climb a hill, on his way back to Qena. Sending him away with a lie had hurt, but I couldn’t bear to see melancholy on Rhylix’s face, not when it appeared there more often than it rightfully should. I wouldn’t cause it again by bringing him with me to our destination, one of the dead Eselan cities he’d mentioned.
Beside me, Nylion said, “It is for the best.”
You’re sure you’re ok with him knowing about us? I asked.
Because I had been and still wasn’t sure.
“I am,” Nylion said. “He is your friend. Eventually, I would like to meet him and make him my friend too. It would be best if he knows everything about us before then.”
Taking a deep breath, I released my clenched hold of my chest, lowering an arm, and Nylion took my hand.
“Thank you for taking the risk,” he said.
At the same time, Little said, “That was kindly done, sir.”
“Was that a compliment, Little?” I absently asked, squeezing Nylion’s hand. “I thought only snark could come out of your mouth.”
“I believe it was praise, sir,” Little said. “I’ll avoid it in the future.”
“See?” I said. “Much better.”
Shaking myself, I turned to the spy and the real world that I inhabited.
“How much further to the tear, sir?” Little asked.
Dim? I said.
The splinter was staring off into the distance with their eyes glazed, which made me frown. I’d asked for Dim’s attention because they could ignore their whole’s pull, more than Bright could at least, but for today, Dim refused to follow the status quo.
Dim? Question for you, buddy.
Nothing came from them, and with that, I took a closer look at the splinter. Dim seemed fine, the same as always, except…
Were those cracks in their pretense of skin? Before I could confirm what I was seeing, something I’d said stirred Bright from their lethargic stare.
“What is it?” they slowly said, as if each word had required a great deal of concentration.
How close are we? I asked.
“To the ruins?” Bright said, slurring their words together. “A couple more miles. To the tear, a bit longer. It’s in the middle of the former city.”
“We’re close,” I told Little. “I’m not sure how much longer I can take the lead, though. My splinters aren’t being very helpful right now.”
“Aw, give Bright and Dim a break, sir. I’m sure they’re doing their best,” Little said with a smirk. “Besides, we can take over from here, so long as you give us a direction to follow.”
“That way,” I said.
I pointed toward where my splinters were avidly staring.
“Right. Our turn up front has come, people,” Little shouted. “Let’s go!”
Soldiers ambled to join the spy, checking their weapons as they did.
As we moved through the hills, the conversations that had rumbled behind me while Rhylix and I had taken the lead dwindled to nothing. I’d spent the last several months in cities and on busy roads, surrounded by people and their accompanying noise, so I’d missed this: the beauty of relative solitude, surrounded by nature, and for a while, only the sounds of said nature filled the quiet around us.
“Raimie,” Nylion said.
After such a long time spent in relative silence, I almost pulled away at the sound of my name, looking over when my other half inched closer to me.
“I know you have already given your word about this to the Qenans and your splinters,” Nylion said, “but will you promise me as well that you will not close the tear?”
Such anxiety in him! He was huddled on himself, jerking his eyes over the horizon, and I tugged on him to get his attention.
Why don’t you want me to close it? I asked.
Almost immediately, Nylion flicked his eyes away from me.
“I have my reasons,” he said. “They mostly involve avoiding pain and staying alive.”
Staying alive?!
Nyl. Should I be worried?
With a half-smile, Nylion said, “So long as you do not close the tear, no.”
You won’t give me more than that, will you?
Of course, I didn’t get a response, but for some reason, the lack of one didn’t bother me as much as it had in the past. Maybe over the years, enough people had hidden secrets from me that I’d learned not to take it personally.
Accepting the same treatment from the one who was so thoroughly enmeshed with me rankled a bit more, but I gathered through our bond that this secret was something for Nylion and Nylion alone. Before our forcible separation, the concept that one of us could keep something from the other would have raised my hackles. Now, I understood, and when Nylion unleashed a torrent of reassurance on me, I let go of my worry. My other half would tell me if I had something to fear.
In the end, whatever Nylion’s reasons were for keeping this secret, it was easy to say, I promise.
Topping yet another rise, we caught our first glimpse of man-made blocks in the distance. As we approached these, the terrain’s inclines steadily decreased in angle to almost nothing, and before long, we hiked into the midst of crumbling buildings.
Mostly made of stone, these former homes looked almost identical to human buildings throughout the known world, save for the decorative streaks of obsidian that lined their window frames and sidings. Doors were practically non-existent, having succumbed to mold, mildew, and insects. Evidence of paving stones crunched beneath our boots, and exposed pipes, brought into the open by a natural disaster of some sort, glinted in the sunlight. Nature had long ago begun its reconquest of stolen territory with grass invading homes and vines scaling walls.
My regiment of soldiers twitched at every aberrant noise, and several had drawn their swords or army-issued pistols. The ruins made even my skin crawl, so I couldn’t blame my soldiers for being cautious.
When we stumbled upon a square, replete with a well’s remnants, I brought us to a halt. Good lines of sight, sufficient cover in nearby homes, and a potential source of water. It was probably the best place to set up a base of operations that we’d find.
“This is far enough,” I said. “I’ll go on alone.”
The soldiers relaxed with their shoulders loosening, and nervous chatter quickly struck up. As they started settling in, Little pulled me to the side.
“You can’t continue by yourself, sir,” he whispered. “If he learns I let you, Middle will kill me.”
“Little. Come on,” I said, trying not to look down my nose at the spy. “We both know how this game goes. You protest. I propose a counterpoint. You agree with me, making me promise not to tell Oswin, and I don’t mention the lapse of protection the next time I see your spymaster. Can we skip it this time? When have I ever told Oswin about my solitary excursions?”
Deflating, Little made a sour face.
“As you say, sir,” he said. “Please, be careful.”
“I always am. Look out for them.”
I nodded toward the soldiers, who were already forming a loose perimeter.
“I will,” Little said.
Abandoning my retinue freed me to chase the unnatural sense of dismay seeping into my every pore, the one that had been afflicting me and my soldiers since entering the city. Within another quarter mark, though, I had no need to follow that feeling’s vague sense of direction, not with Bright and Dim shuffling in front of me like the dead walking.
From there, finding what I sought was easy enough. When my splinters abruptly stopped, I barreled through them, cringing before I remembered they were incorporeal. I searched for what had made the two halt so unexpectedly, quickly finding it.
Cracks, much like I’d seen around other tears, began appearing on my side of the buildings ahead, presumably the ones that were blocking me from the center of the city. While looking for an opening through this barrier, I ended up climbing through a particularly rundown building’s window. The second floor of this home had collapsed into the first, making a gashing rent in the wall that faced the city’s center, but I stopped short before emerging from the house’s shelter, struck dumb by what was waiting for me outside.
The hairline cracks from the other side of the buildings culminated in a network of widening fissures on this side. On top of this, the long-abandoned city’s citizens had constructed a thin platform.
The tear floated above this stone podium.
It was about six feet tall and four feet wide, but instead of the expected black center surrounded by wispy white, this tear jerked and twitched and frazzled. Its unnerving black interior bulged from its neatly contained center, and its white border reached with jagged tentacles to impale the buildings enclosing it.
The black part had almost entirely engulfed several disorganized tables, sitting on the platform, with wires and glass globes sprawled on top of them. I assumed that here, Qenan scientists had been laboring over their secret project before their tear had gone on the fritz.
While I watched, the tear distorted from its normal, elliptical shape into something that resembled a zig-zag but not—the otherworldly form was so bizarre that I could find no other words to describe it—before snapping back into place.
This was what the scientists of Qena expected me to fix. Holy godsdamned hell.
Chapter 73: Fixing a Rip in Reality
Raimie
Swallowing hard, I stared at the broken tear in front of me.
“Wow,” I said with a dry mouth. “Ok. Bright? Dim? You two plan on being helpful?”
My splinters were swaying in place with Ele and Daevetch fragments blipping off of the tear to absorb into them.
“Hello?” I said, snapping my fingers in their faces. “Anyone there?”
At their lack of response, I sighed. I hated to do this to them, but they weren’t exactly giving me a choice.
“Order and Chaos, I require your focus,” I commanded.
Between blinks, the two turned their gazes on me, although their bodies still faced the tear, but something wild and feral lurked behind those usually friendly eyes.
“I’m sorry that I had to force the issue, but I need to know if you’ll be able to watch my back or not,” I said.
They seemed to hear me this time. Softening, they fully turned toward me.
“We’ll always watch your back, Raimie,” Bright said.
“Why do you need someone to do that now?” Dim asked.
“That tear is very broken. It needs a quick fix before it gets any worse,” I said. “I can’t close it because not only did I tell the Qenans that I wouldn’t, but I made a promise to you two as well. The only other way I know to manipulate that terrifying break in our world is to… touch it, and I’d prefer it if someone makes sure that nothing attacks me while I’m distracted.”
“I don’t know…” Bright said.
Slowly, they turned back to the tear, gazing longingly at the distortion in reality’s plane, until Dim flicked their shoulder. Then, they hissed at their counterpart.
“We can withstand our wholes’ pull long enough to keep you safe,” Dim said, “but try not to take too long? We probably can’t give you more than a few minutes.”
With a wry grin, I said, “I can promise that. Touching those things is never pleasant.”
“Then, good luck,” Dim said.
That would have to be good enough.
With a nod to them, I advanced on the misbehaving tear, swallowing my rising terror the closer I came to it. Trying to prepare for what I knew was coming.
Gods, this was a bad idea. This was a bad idea. This was a bad idea!
But it must be done.
Once I was within reach, I extended a hand toward the black center, and it yawed open, swallowing me whole.
I flailed, unsurprised when I hit an utter lack of anything. The clamor of chattering voices on all sides plunged into me, and for a moment, I forgot why I should fear them or why I’d sought out this particular tear, allowing the stream of information to rush through my head without truly listening to it.
For I was floating in the space between realities, and it FELT LIKE HOME. More so than the homestead from when I was young, more than the palace or Ren’s presence. It was the comforting caress of those rare moments when I could relax in the fullness of Nylion’s presence or the long-departed relief that had once been found in mama’s embrace.
Familiarity, I’d have expected. I’d been here four time before: once at Allanovian’s tear, once after the incident in the Withriingalm, once in Daira, and once after Teron’s ambush. But HOME? This sense of comfort was unexpected and utterly foreign, although… shouldn’t I have expected it? I was sure that I’d experienced this before: the irrational desire to kick off my shoes, unbutton my jacket, and rest in this weightless float.
Unfortunately, life never seemed to like accommodating my desires. The incomprehensible babble of voices running through my head screamed for my attention, blaring so loudly that a fire spread across my mind, and while I was glad they hadn’t coalesced yet, their discombobulated state still HURT.
Wiping at my ears, I hoped I wasn’t bleeding from them, like had happened before, but my fingers did come away sticky. Best to get this over with, before my mind melted or the voices became one.
“Why are the tears in my reality going haywire?” I asked. “How do I stop them from spreading? That’s what the Qenan tear is doing, isn’t it? Uncontrollably spreading? How far will it go? To the ends of the earth? My world’s primary driver for our economy shouldn’t be what destroys us.”
The voices went silent, and I floated alone. What had happened? Had I scared them off, and if so, how? That seemed like a useful skill to-
I dropped into a familiar world of blue and green, but something was off. Something was different.
Trees. A thick canopy blocked my view of the sky, including the miniature painting of the Eternal War fixed at its summit. The mind-bending part of this change, however, was the lack of trunks anywhere in sight. Branches and leaves rustled in an unfelt breeze, high overhead, but no solid, wooden supports impaled this perfectly cropped grass.
The only thing that disturbed this endless spread of green was a man who was huddled in a ball, gently rocking and crooning to himself.
“Hello?” I called. “Do you need help?”
The man… no. The god was on his feet in an instant, advancing on me like a storm cloud. Alouin’s loose-fitting, phosphorescent trousers and shirt fluttered in his wake with light bouncing off of their shiny surfaces, and he lifted his hands like he was strangling the air.
“Why would I need help do I look helpless who are you what are you doing here.”
Those words had flowed from him in a monotone flood, coming so fast that I could barely parse between the individual questions. When Alouin strode so close to me that I could feel his body heat, I stepped back.
“Why won’t you answer me have I become so intimidating wait remember the last time you finished your turn and you were allowed to leave that awful place you’re talking in stream of consciousness again they don’t do that on the outside they use inflections and pauses and-”
Alouin took a long, deep breath.
“My apologies,” he slowly said, enunciating every syllable. “Let’s try this again. Who are you, and how did you get here?”
For a few heartbeats, I could do nothing more than stare at Alouin. What in the void was going on?
“We’ve met before,” I said. “I know you’ve been busy in other realities, fixing problems, but I thought I’d made an impression on you the last few times I was here.”
“Is that what I’ve been up to for the last millennia how interesting but I don’t know you.”
Alouin cleared his throat, twitching.
“Sorry. A thousand years with only my internal monologue as a distraction has gotten me out of practice with conversations,” he said. “I don’t remember you. Why and how are you in my safe space?”
“I came looking for a solution to the malfunctioning tears in my world,” I said.
That questions had seemed like the safest one to answer first. Something had obviously happened since I’d last saw Alouin, something that had turned him a little… unstable. The last time I’d seen him, he’d warned me that it would happen, but that warning hadn’t prepared me for standing so close to an all-powerful being who seemed to have come unhinged.
“Which iteration are you from?”
Alouin snatched my hand while his fingers twitched in the air.
“Ah,” he said with his eyes clearing. “The breakdowns are my fault, but you can hardly blame me. I’ve only recently pieced enough of myself together to remember who I am. Getting to tear maintenance is next on the agenda. It’s not my fault!”
Seemingly finished with me, Alouin poked me hard, but I only sprang back upright once that pressure had been released, a little tempted to smack him.
“That’s… you’re supposed to go!” Alouin breathed. “Who are you?”
While he swiveled his head between his finger and me, I clicked my tongue.
“My name’s Raimie,” I said. “It seems you have forgotten me. How is that possible?”
And why the hell would I find that so surprising, given how much of my own past I’d temporarily forgotten?
“You’re the one who’s invading my privacy,” Alouin snapped. “Answer my questions and maybe I’ll answer yours.”
“I already answered…”
Sighing, I cradled my forehead.
Maybe if I repeated the circumstances that had captured Alouin’s attention so many years ago, it would jog his memory, but when I looked for the clash at the sky’s summit, only leaves greeted me. Without a direct view of it, the Eternal War’s pull was diminished to near non-existence, such that I could barely pick out its location from behind a screen of tree limbs.
If I couldn’t use a visual depiction, I could try what Alouin had made me do during our first meeting: forcing Ele and Daevetch to merge into something… other. The exhaustion I’d accrue while doing that would be incapacitating, and I’d have to rely on both Alouin to kick me back home and on my soldiers to find me later, if I was to reach safety. I’d be trusting in predicted behaviors, something I hated doing, but right now, a demonstration of my supposedly fascinating ability might be easier than explaining everything to him.
I’d called Ele and Daevetch to separate hands, concentrating on bringing them together, when a fist to my face knocked me off of my feet.
“None of that!” Alouin shouted.
With his hands balled into fists, he stood over me.
“I’ve had quite enough of those assholes recently, thanks very much.”
Dropping to his knees with one leg on either side of my waist, he lowered his face until our noses were almost touching. All I could see were his blue eyes, dancing with carefully controlled violence.
“No primal energy allowed,” Alouin whispered with a manic giggle.
Humming, he rose while his fingers stroked the air until he’d found what he wanted. Then, they froze in place.
“Bye-bye, anomalous one,” he giggled, planting a finger on my forehead.
“Wait!” I shouted. “You said to remind you there’s—”
Chapter 74: Unfortunate Circumstances
Raimie, Rhylix
Raimie
“—hope!”
My shout was drowned out by the howl of the wind. Shivering, I hugged my chest as icy knives of rain drove through my uniform to beat against my skin. A gust of wind swooped into the city’s center, and pinwheeling my arms, I took several unsteady steps to keep from falling. The wind continued teasing at my body, trying to lift me off the ground, but it quickly capitulated, unable to keep still long enough to accomplish its ambitious goal.
How long had I been in the tear? It must have been a while if a storm this bad had rolled overhead in that time alone.
The sky had darkened considerably, more than it should have on a cloudy day, but I couldn’t figure out how long it had been since night had fallen. The tear was illuminating the city’s center with its brilliant corona of light, a corona that stably encapsulated the ellipsoid of darkness in the middle of it.
Braving the tear had worked! With my task completed, I could go home to Elisk, although after what had happened in the tear, I was hesitant to call that city home. Not after what I’d felt in the space between realities. Which had been… weird.
In any case, my work here was finished. One last hurrah completed before assuming the throne. At least I’d done some good with it.
Standing at the base of the stabilized tear, I quite literally thanked Alouin for the miracle, or for what I might have considered a miracle in my early teens. The more I encountered the impossible and the more meetings I had with Alouin, the surer I became that the being who most people in my world hailed as a god wasn’t really a god at all. Alouin had been surprised too often, fiddled with the air in every encounter I’d had with him, and he’d once told me that he had little power to spare, all of which didn’t scream ‘godly’ to me. Maybe Alouin wasn’t a god per se but a powerful mage or-
When something tugged at my leg, I absent-mindedly smoothed the cloth that covered my disturbed skin, but as my hand came away soaked by something much more viscous than rain should be, alarm kicked in. Glancing down, I found a jagged, one-inch hole boreing through my thigh, and as I watched, gouts of blood spurted from it to the rhythm of my heart.
Where had that come from? And… oh, shit. This was bad, wasn’t it?
“Dodge!” Dim lethargically shouted.
As prompted, I sprang sideways, gasping at the increased flood of my life’s blood from my wound, but a palm-sized pebble soon shot through the space that my torso had been occupying a moment before. Maybe more than an even trade….?
I almost collapsed; the world was already spinning so fiercely. Gods, I needed to stop this bleeding.
“Torniquet, Raimie!” Nylion screamed.
I couldn’t find my other half. This seemed like a problem, but I set it aside to woozily unbutton my jacket, thoroughly regretting my decision to go without a belt today. I tightened its cloth into a painful knot above the wound, but the gush pulsing out of it never slowed down.
With black bars closing in on my vision, I felt faint, so as I hobbled toward the building I’d used to enter the center of the city, I was careful, struggling all the while to stay on my feet.
In front of me, Dim bodily shook Bright, and while they did, the cracks that I’d spotted on their body earlier grew wider, letting something inky peek from beneath.
“He’s bleeding out, numbskull, and my whole has nothing to stop it!” they shrieked over the screeching wind. “Snap out of it!”
I stumbled for a few more steps before spilling face-first onto the stone platform, feeling something snap in my chest as if from a great distance. My pant leg was soaked, only made worse when I dragged it and the rest of my body through a shallow puddle. Was that my blood or the rain? I couldn’t tell.
I managed about a yard more before my strength gave out.
Nylion’s familiar form lay still beside me with his eyes gleaming, and I reached a shaking hand for him. I’d found my other half. Everything would be ok, or I’d think so if Nylion’s terror hadn’t been splashing down our bond, much like the rain on our back.
“What happens when we die?” he softly asked.
Nyl…
I was so cold that I was warm. The quiet stillness that accompanied this warmth made staying centered feel next to impossible. Drifting was……………………….
But Nylion’s panic stopped my float. Couldn’t he see? This was good. Couldn’t he feel…?
I smothered what lay on the other side of an innate bond with the comfort I’d found—
Nylnylnylnylnylnylnylnylnylnylnylnyl
—and the terror died, letting me unfocus and listen to the song calling me out of my flesh prison.
“Do something!”
A slapping noise burst a staccato note into the song, and I flinched. I really didn’t like that sound. Why didn’t I like that sound?
“What was that for?” Bright’s crabby voice yelped before they went quiet. “Oh, no. Raimie, draw from me now!”
My name stole threads of my consciousness from out of the song’s grasp.
“Near a tear,” I weakly said.
“Damnit, you magnificent human!” Bright shouted. “Do you want to die? Do what I say before you lose consciousness!”
I laughed at the Ele splinter’s curse, but Bright had probably had a point somewhere in that mass of jumble. They’d never insist on something unless it was needed, and while I couldn’t remember what happened if I fell asleep, I vaguely recalled that it wouldn’t be good, no matter what the song was screaming in protest.
My Ele source was somewhere beside me, hovering over my distant body, and I politely asked the primal energy undulating behind it to answer my call.
“Good, Raimie,” Bright said. “Now, direct it to your leg.”
My leg. Which one? And where exactly?
“No, not both. The right one,” Dim said, taking over. “The spot of frost below your waist. It may have gone tingly or numb.”
Yes, yes! Of course Ele should go there. If I wrapped that spot of death in my wash of life, I could get up and go home. I wanted to see Ren…
Shooting to my hands and knees, I gasped like a beached fish. The song fled from me, leaving a faint tinge of melancholy in its wake, and desperately, I looked for my other half.
“Nyl! Where are you?” I shouted over the storm’s shriek. “Gods, please.”
I couldn’t feel him. I couldn’t feel him!
A tendril of… something faintly reached across our bond while a hand lowered in front of my face. I couldn’t take it, not truly, but it followed me as I got to my feet, and once I had, I flung my arms around Nylion, never bothering to look at his bruised and battered face.
“You smothered me,” Nylion said into my shoulder. “You almost blocked me out of our mind.”
Oh… hell. I had?
I… I didn’t mean to hurt you. Gods, Nyl. I SWEAR-
“You were dying, and so was I,” Nylion said. “Let’s forget it happened.”
He slid a hand down my arm until our fingers were interlaced, and together, we haltingly climbed through a window. Nylion spent the rest of our trip back seeping encouragement across our bond. For my part, I left a trail of blood in our wake, to be scoured from the earth by the hurricane.
I chuckled before a sting in my chest reminded me of how bad of an idea that was.
This storm didn’t care that three hundred years ago, a seer had foreseen me defeating Doldimar. It couldn’t be bothered to learn that the man beneath its fury had lived through attacks from allied Esela and from an Enforcer. It couldn’t care less about the atrocities that Doldimar had perpetrated and how I was trying to reverse them. It merely followed Mother Nature’s directive, producing massive amounts of wind and rain while using the fore of its gales to shoot twenty-two-year-old dual primeancers with pebbles before dispassionately departing. It was enough to make anyone feel insignificant.
“Your Majesty!” a faint voice yelled into a break between the gusts.
One of my soldiers braved the fierce weather to trot out to me.
“How did it go?” he shouted at the top of his lungs. “Is the tear-?”
Throwing my arm around the man’s shoulders, I shifted my weight to him.
“Take me to Little,” I gasped.
Whatever surprise the soldier must have felt was thrust aside as he followed his orders, summoning a comrade to support my other side. When we stumbled through a doorway, I reclaimed my arms.
“Where?” I gasped.
“Through there, Your Majesty,” one said, pointing to the left. “Are you sure you don’t need-?”
“I’m fine!” I snapped.
I advanced in the indicated direction, dragging my bad leg behind me.
“You’re not fine,” Bright started.
“Shut up, Bright!” I grunted. “I gave the two of you one job. Watch my back. Look how well that went.”
Both splinters shrank to the side right as I tripped, grabbing a door frame for support.
Little glanced up from where he’d been writing a missive. The knife that he’d been absently twirling through his fingers thumped into the grass on seeing me.
“Alouin, sir! You look awful,” he said. “What happened?”
I dragged my now unresponsive leg into view, but that motion tilted me too far, and I lost my balance. At least I hit cushioning grass rather than stone on landing this time.
“Shit! Dieldrenil, run and find Korlatry,” Little shouted “Orlanon, I need your belt. We need a much better torniquet.”
Weakly rolling to my back, I spat dirt out of my mouth. Little had already dropped to his knees beside me.
Once I’d cleared my mouth out, I wheezed, “Don’t bother. Get me to Qena and Rhy as quickly as possible. I’m staving off the injury as best I can, but I’m not sure how much longer I can last.”
“If we don’t properly apply a torniquet, sir, you will bleed out on the journey,” Little said. “I’m not sure how you haven’t already.”
Snatching the spy’s collar, I dragged him closer.
“Little. Primeancer.”
Pointing at my chest, I grimaced, releasing my hold.
“Just get me back!”
“If you insist, sir,” Little said with a sigh. “Orlanon, belay the previous order. Tell the soldiers to prepare for a hasty retreat. I’ll need volunteers to carry the king.”
“I can walk,” I weakly said.
“Respectfully, sir, shut up,” Little snapped. “You look like death warmed over. If you want to reach Qena as soon as possible, you’ll let us carry you.”
“Fine,” I thought I mumbled.
If I had, I didn’t hear the word spoken. Something repeatedly hit my cheek, and Little started shouting. Behind the spy, my splinters stood in sharp relief against a steadily fading background.
“To stay alive, all you must do is maintain your hold on Ele,” Bright said.
“And to do that, you must stay awake,” Dim added.
Even they soon faded to fuzzy blobs, but I didn’t let sleep take me any further. For an interminable length of time, I balanced on that knife’s edge, clinging to the bundle of life circling my wound. The one steadily eroding beneath the pressure of the death it contained.
The rumble of a much-beloved voice added itself to the muffled noise around me.
“Hold on a little longer for me, Raimie,” Rhylix said with a strained voice. “Please, my friend.”
Rhylix had asked the impossible of me. I fought with the dregs of my strength, but soon after hearing my friend’s words, a long resisted, crushing wave of darkness crashed down on me.
Rhylix
When I heard shouting outside, I assumed that someone new had joined the disgruntled Qenans outside the inn. I was almost impressed by their dedication, given the constant downpour that had started soon after I’d returned to the town.
The villagers hadn’t been happy to learn that Raimie and I were planning on taking two of their youngest away from their families. Still, if I was forced to hear one more accusation of kidnapping, I was liable to wind up in a fistfight. Whether Miranon and Tejesper joined us on our trip to Elisk, it would be their choice, not something we forced them into.
As I heard feet pounding up the stairs outside of my door, I prepared to once more listen to the Qenans’ understandable fears.
When my room’s door was flung open, however, a host of soldiers spilled into my rented room instead of the eccentric scientists I’d expected, and my heart seized up. Streaming rainwater, five of them lugged a delirious Raimie to lay on my bed.
Blood had soaked my friend’s leg from hip to ankle with a chit-sized hole gouged through the medial of his thigh. It was so clean of a through-and-through that I could see a sliver of blanket on the other side of his exposed muscle, tissue, and a nicked artery.
I froze at the sight of that clipped blood vessel, the source of the sticky liquid coating my friend. In the past, I’d treated injuries where that artery had been punctured. The victims had never lasted long, despite my best efforts, but where blood should have been spurting from the gash, only a slow drizzle was dripping instead.
Two things were slowing the flow of Raimie’s life from his wound. One was the cinched belt wrapped around his thigh. The other was the faint Ele glow swirling around the wound.
Gods damnit, I’d known this would happen. What always happened when I let Raimie take on a dangerous task alone? I’d rather if the interruption to my afternoon had been another irate parent.
Clutching at my shoulder, Little broke me free of shock.
“Save him!” he hissed with frenetic eyes.
Ok. I could do this.
“Clear the room, people!” I bellowed while holding Little’s gaze. “You stay. I may need help.”
The room emptied of soldiers faster than they’d filled it.
“Get my cloak,” I said. “I’ll need my supplies.”
While Little’s back was turned, I knelt beside the bed and tried to Let Go, releasing the flood of Restoration that was regularly beating against my control, but something or someone blocked me from doing it today.
“The hell, Creation?” I hissed. “This too?”
“You don’t need Ele to fix him,” was all the splinter would give me.
Biting back a scream, I transitioned into healer mode. Raimie was no longer a friend, merely a patient requiring treatment.
Just in time, Little dropped my cloak beside me.
“I’ll need a clean bottle of the tavern’s strongest alcohol, the sheets from the bed next door, and a basin of water,” I said.
Little scurried off, but before he could disappear, I stopped him with a demand for the shears lying on the side table by the door. Little obligingly tossed the pair to me.
While I waited, I cut a stiff pant leg off of Raimie’s limb before rifling through my cloak’s pockets for my smallest sutures and string as well as a clamp. Heavy footsteps soon announced Little’s return, and I moved to give the spy my spot at center stage.
“Clean the skin around the wound as best you can,” I said. “Then, liberally irrigate it with alcohol.”
While the spy complied, I summoned fire from the hearth downstairs onto the only open-air candlestick in the room. I was convinced that for my purposes, the gas-fed lanterns populating the room wouldn’t work as well as a clean, wax-and-wick candle for sterilization purposes. By the time I was done heating my instruments over the candle’s flame, Little had wiped Raimie’s leg free of blood, standing ready for his next task.
“Your job is to keep my work space dry,” I said.
When I inclined my head to the wadded-up blankets, Little frantically nodded, and I knelt, running alcohol over my hands before reaching into the wound with my tools. Treating an injury like this wasn’t complicated, at least not the way I did it, but it also wasn’t easy.
First, I clamped the end of the artery closest to the heart to control bleeding. Because the damage to the blood vessel was so slight, I’d be able to suture the nick closed rather than searing it, like a larger gash would require.
This task took my full concentration for a while. I was almost finished with it when Raimie’s near-incessant mumbling broke off, leaving silence behind.
My patient couldn’t faint now. Ele was the only thing keeping Raimie’s heart from exsanguinating his body. I’d almost repaired the artery’s break, but two more sutures remained. If Raimie fell asleep, letting everything Ele had retained go free, the pressure of that blood flow might ruin my hard work, even with a clamp in place.
So, I picked up the pace.
“Hang on a little longer for me, Raimie,” I said.
I tied off a suture. One left.
“Please, my friend.”
As I secured the last suture into place, white light fled from the injury, and I hastily retrieved my clamp. I watched the artery bulge, certain that one of my neat sutures would fail, but they held. Slumping, I massaged my shoulders.
“He’ll live,” I said.
“How do you know that?” Little asked. “I can still see into his leg!”
“Trust me. The dangerous part is over,” I said. “Putting his leg back together will be difficult, but he won’t die from the process.”
As Little grumbled to himself, I smiled. I hadn’t played healer in years, but damn, if my skills weren’t as sharp as they’d ever been.
Cracking my knuckles, I reached for a needle. Time to sew my patient up.
Adventures of the Hand 4.1
Middle
Even though it was only halfway through the morning, I was drained, and there was still a long day ahead. Of course, I was always tired, had been since Aramar had dumped his spymaster responsibilities on me thirteen years ago, but this was a bone-deep weariness, riding me like an equestrian in the saddle. I’d stacked my obligations too high, assumed too many burdens, and it was beginning to show.
Recently, I’d started using a flesh-toned powder to conceal the purple semi-circles under my eyes, and only yesterday, I’d found my first gray hair. I was just now nearing the end of my second decade! Worry about hair color wasn’t supposed to come for at least five more years.
At the moment, I was plodding through a thick stack of paperwork. Empty bottles, summoned earlier to Elisk, surrounded my chair, and considering how often I’d been pacing the room today, it was a wonder that I hadn't broken any yet.
For the fourth time, I tried to read Little’s most recent report while continuing to tread a furrow in the floor behind my desk. Moving like this kept me awake and alert, but it did nothing to help with keeping my mind on my reading material. Without something compelling to anchor me—which Little’s report most certainly wasn’t—my thoughts turned to my family.
To Thumb and Pointer, my brothers. They thought I didn’t know about their relationship, which was adorable, but I didn’t plan on changing that assumption. Those two were professionals. They’d never let their romantic entanglement interfere with their duties, and it had been too long since either of them had been happy. I wished them countless days of bliss.
To Little, my adopted son. Many were the days where I both blessed and cursed Lornilen’s parents for dropping their kid in my lap. With his easy understanding of people’s intention and wishes, Little could be a boon. Many spies would envy his gifts. He was also the only member of this family who had the capacity for genuine empathy, identifying with other people so strongly that he could assume their identities, if need be, but at times, Little could be a burden.
The young spy refused to take his responsibilities seriously. I was always hesitant to assign him to the king’s protection because not only did Raimie tend to dodge his bodyguards when he felt the need but Little’s lackadaisical attitude encouraged that behavior. Someday, his flippancy would get him into tremendous trouble, and I knew that when that day came, I’d wonder if I could have done anything to prevent my son’s misfortune.
And to Ring. Of all the members of the Hand, she was the hardest to classify. When thinking of her, how did I instinctually identify her role? Was she the mother of this family? My sister? My beloved?
I kept that last possible categorization secret, tightly locked in my heart’s depths. Ring could never know how much I cared for her, else she flee from the King’s Hand. In her lifetime, too many amorous men had caused Ring trouble to consider adding another to the list. I wouldn’t do the same, no matter how much I might want to share my feelings.
Pausing in my pacing, I shook my head, trying to clear it. Distracting thoughts like those had gotten obnoxious today.
I discarded Little’s report, hoping that if I read something else, I’d find my focus. Maybe then, I could return to that messy jumble of words with the attention needed to understand it.
The report I picked up next was from Pointer. As usual, the assassin had found no sign of Doldimar in his journey, not even a whisper of a rumor.
I would never understand why Raimie insisted on searching for the Dark Lord. He was right that Doldimar was lurking somewhere, watching for the perfect moment to strike these innocent people down, but to think the Hand could find him was folly. An incredibly powerful, Daevetch primeancer who’d lived for at least two centuries had undoubtedly mastered the art of concealment, but despite my objections, I followed my orders. My unthinking obedience was one of the qualities that made me such a good spymaster.
It was how I’d originally fallen into the role.
“Have you finished yet, Oswin?” Master Saryntor asks. “At some point, I’d like to go home and see my wife.”
“Yes, master,” I says. “Give me five more minutes, and I’ll know how to replicate it.”
Saryntor grumbles his doubts, but he leaves me alone.
I didn’t lie to the blacksmith. I’m so close to understanding this weapons’ inner workings that I can taste it.
The pieces of the object we’ve named ‘pistol’ are spread across the table in front of me. I’ve disassembled and reassembled it so many times now that I could do it in my sleep, and with so many repetitions, the broad strokes of the pistol’s workings seem clear, to me at least. The details are what elude me.
How does the pin at the barrel’s end trigger the miniature explosion that makes the pistol fire?
The idea of an explosion isn’t new to me. References to dynamite litter obscure history books, ones that predate the last primeancer calamity. Supposedly, those bundles caused explosions that were devastating enough to destroy chunks of mountains, but they required an unknown ignition source to blow. What’s the trigger for the far smaller explosion that takes place inside this pistol?
I lift our last intact projectile for a closer inspection, flipping it over and over.
“Oswin, it’s been a half hour,” Master Saryntor says behind me.
“Goodness! I apologize, master. Time-”
“Got away from you, I know,” Saryntor says with a sigh. “Clean up and go home, kid. Lock up when you leave, and that had better be soon. So help me, if I find you here in the same clothes tomorrow morning…”
“Yes, master.”
Saryntor stomps out the door, and alone once more, I quickly reassemble the pistol but hesitate before replacing the projectile into our storage bin. Perhaps inspiration will strike if I look at this piece of the weapon in a different setting. Pocketing that metal chunk along with several other supplies, I leave the workshop, locking the door behind me.
With my mind too preoccupied by my current puzzle, I don’t register the transition from the noble’s district around the queen’s workshop to the sordid quarter where I keep an apartment. The calls of scantily clad ladies and gentlemen of the night go unheard, and belted drunken ditties go unnoticed. The only oddity that catches my attention is a spark, coming from the hands of a rough man. He’s leaning on a tavern’s doorframe with his friends around him.
“What was THAT?” I ask, eagerly approaching. “Can you do it again?”
Puffing on a pipe, the man eyes me.
“You’ve never seen a flint and steel striker?”
He lifts his metal-wrapped knuckles and a gray stone into view, knocking them against each other to create a brief flash of fire.
“Fairly common ‘round these parts, boy. Where’ve you come from?”
“I work near the palace,” I distractedly say. “How does it work? Does it need to be flint and steel to create such a reliable spark?”
Snorting, the man says, “What are you, a pyro?”
He shakes his head.
“In any case, you should know that we have a system down here, boy. Information is bought and sold, not freely given, and you have yet to pay me for the answer to your first question.”
Suddenly, I feel very foolish. I didn’t consider that these less fortunate men might try something like extortion with me. While I live in the Audish slums, like my parents before me, I certainly don’t mingle with its residents.
“I’m sorry. I… I don’t have any money on me,” I say, flushing.
At that revelation, the man’s entourage perks up, and two of them circle behind me.
“I see,” the rough man says, puffing on his pipe. “Are you sure? Nobles always carry a stash of spare chits on them like the coin’s nothing.”
They think I’m a…?
“I’m not a noble,” I say, barely containing a laugh.
The men at my back release that hilarity for me while their leader knocks his pipe against the wall.
“Then, I suppose we’ll have to take our payment out on your hide,” he says. “You know… I’ve never had a mugging victim come to me before.”
Oh, hell. How do I keep finding myself in situations like this? One day, my curiosity will be the death of me.
Before these miscreants can attack, I flick my switchblade into my waiting palm, raising it into view, but my warding posture only makes them chuckle.
“Do you know how to use that, boy?” asks their leader.
“I do, although I really don’t want to,” I say. “Master Saryntor will give me a tongue lashing if he learns that I used such a crude weapon because I forgot my sword in the workshop.”
Where my posture did nothing, my confidence makes the rough man’s peons falter.
“Oh, come on!” that man huffs. “He’s a kid with a single blade. We’ve got the backing of the guild if we need it.”
Malicious smiles spread from one face to another, and I decide that waiting for their first strike would be a bad idea. Before he has a chance to defend himself, I dive for the ringleader, thrusting in two, neat arcs at his face. As I dart away, my opponent howls, clawing at the leaking holes where his eyes once were.
I probably should have attacked the men behind him then, fleeing at the first opening, but I couldn’t leave that flint and steel striker behind. It could help with my current project, and so, I have to have it. I don’t even consider that I could probably find another one of these somewhere else until the rest of the men have surrounded me.
As I spin toward them, I vainly hope that my work on their leader will make them stupid or at least nervous enough to give me an advantage, but luck doesn’t favor me tonight. They rush me together, and I manage a glancing slice along one of their ribs before they pin me to the wall, smashing my wrist into stone until I drop the switchblade.
“Got him, boss,” one of the men calls, panting. “What now?”
“Kill him, you idiots,” the blinded man hisses, “but take his eyes first! And make it hurt.”
As a knifepoint hovers in the center of my vision, I squirm, yelling at the top of my lungs. Maybe somebody will decide to take mercy on me, although that doesn’t seem likely. Muggings like this are fairly common in the Audish slums.
“Hold still, brat!”
My breath wooshes out of me as one of the brutes buries his fist in my stomach, but even through hazing thoughts, I know that’s enough. It’s time to break the rules, time to return to every trick my long-spurned heritage has taught me.
I shoot my knee forward, crunching it in between the legs of the man in front of me. While the two holding me are distracted by their companion’s pained grunt, I yank against the hands pinning me in place. I only break one arm free, but even that small freedom is enough to give one of my captors a black eye.
The miscreants who were waiting in the wings recover from their shock, slamming me into the wall again, and I hiss and spit, struggling to escape their hold.
“Boss, I don’t think he’s a noble,” one of the men says. “He fights dirty. Might make a good recruit.”
A RECRUIT? For what? A thieves guild? No, thank you.
“As if I’d ever work for the likes of you,” I wheeze.
Shuffling forward, the ringleader shoves some of his men aside.
“He BLINDED me, morons,” he bellows with liquid weeping from the pits of his eyes. “That insult must be met with strength.”
The man drives a knife at me. Thank Alouin for his lack of vision because the blade buries to the hilt in my shoulder rather than my face, but my body doesn’t join my mind in celebrating the near miss. At the sharp flare of its protest, I scream, getting louder as my tormentor withdraws the blade nice and slow.
Alouin, I’m going to die, murdered by a ruffian. This can’t be happening.
“Sorry, but I cannot let this continue.”
That unknown voice drifted from overhead, and the gathered criminals lift their faces toward the interruption in time for a shape to land on their ringleader. Two thunks sound on either side of me, leaving my arms freed as my captors limply drop.
Only a second has passed, and three of the men are down with the other four only now reaching for paltry weapons. I grin. Maybe tonight isn’t my day to die.
Then, my rescuer rises from his crouch with the moonlight revealing him to be a child, no older than six.
Sent reeling by my erratic changes of luck, I barely notice as a whistle pierces the night air. It quickly cuts off, which confuses me until the other five men clutch at the holes that have appeared like magic through their chests.
“A moment too slow. That is not good,” the child says, grimacing. “How quickly can you run? With the summons that tall one unleashed, their gang will be here shortly.”
What in the-? Why is this KID speaking like an adult? And how did such a small person kill seven street thugs so efficiently?
Of more interest: have I found my next puzzle?
These questions aren’t important right now. I’ve angered one of Daira’s street gangs, and their backup is sure to be coming.
Crouching beside an eyeless corpse, I rifle through its pockets while sliding a broad steel ring off of its knuckles.
“Now is not the time for looting,” the child says while checking the shadowed recesses around us.
Ignoring that comment, I stride toward an alley, one that a pack of riled-up gang members will most likely use to reach us soon, if they come at all. The square that houses most of the gangs’ hideouts lies close to the end of it.
Withdrawing a container that I borrowed from the workshop, I pour its enclosed black powder into a pile in the center of the alley.
“What are you doing?” the child hisses behind me. “We need to run. Now.”
“If you’re scared, you don’t have to stay,” I say, “but I need to run an experi- start a distraction before fleeing.”
The child looks at me like I’m crazy.
“What sort of distraction can powder cause?”
“Possibly none at all, but if I’m right, a big, bright, deafening one,” I say, flashing my teeth at the kid. “From what I saw, you can propel solid matter at high speeds. Is that correct?”
Flinching, the child mumbles, “Maybe.”
“If I place this,” I say, lifting the striker into view, “next to that powder, can you hit it from the end of the alley, hard enough to cause a spark?”
“I do not know,” the child says with a shrug. “Possibly?”
“Oh, good,” I breathe. “I didn’t like my chances of lighting it without help.”
Setting the striker down, I move to the alley’s end, where we can use the buildings as cover. As we wait, I clutch the projectile in my pocket in a tight fist.
Soon enough, howling voices float down the alley, and at least twelve people round the corner.
“When do I-?” the child asks.
“Wait.”
When the screaming gang members are almost on the pile, I nod.
“Now!”
The child gestures, a spark flies, and an ear-shattering boom splits the night. The force of the explosion knocks us on our back, and I squint through teared-up eyes at a glorious gout of flames. Quickly regaining my feet, I help the child up.
“Now, we run,” I say.
When we eventually stop outside the queen’s workshop, winded and sore, we catch one another’s eyes, and uproarious laughter spills from us, despite our labored breathing.
“What did… you do?” the child asks.
“Took powder from... disassembled projectiles and…” I wheeze. “Wait. I can’t… tell you this. State secrets.”
That only doubles the child’s laughter.
“Don’t think you… need to worry about-”
“RAIMIE!”
A short distance from us, a man in military dress is standing with his fists clenched at his sides. On seeing him, the child flinches, but he conspiratorially winks at me before trotting to the stranger.
“I’m sorry, father,” he says. “I know the job was to observe-”
The stranger grabs Raimie's shoulders hard enough that he flinches, and as if in response, a glow settles over the child. Before I can determine if I’m hallucinating that strange phenomenon, the stranger pulls Raimie into a hug, tightly squeezing. This also happens to obscure the glow, if it was even real.
“Don’t EVER make me worry like that again,” the stranger growls.
Raimie pushes against the man’s chest, and at his insistence, the stranger releases him.
“You didn’t need to worry,” Raimie says. “Oswin had the situation well in hand. Didn’t you, Oswin?”
Oh. They’re speaking to me now. I thought I’d been forgotten. Possibly.
And they know my name. How?
“I did what was necessary for the cleanest escape possible,” I say.
“So?” Raimie asks, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Does he pass?”
“We’ll see.”
As the stranger advances on me, I stand up straighter.
“My name is Aramar,” the stranger says. “Do you know who I am?”
I narrow my eyes. From the way he phrased it, that question must require more than the answer that anyone in Daira might give, but I have no clue what secrets the famous persona of Aramar might be hiding.
That such secrets exist doesn’t surprise me. I always thought the puzzle that is Aramar was missing pieces, but my duties in the queen's workshop have sheltered me, for the most part, from court politics. I haven’t been exposed to the man that often.
If I have nothing to presently offer him, though, I might as well start with what I know and extrapolate from there. That strategy has never failed to serve me in the past.
“You’re the queen’s confidant,” I say. “Supposedly, you’re of the exiled Audish royal line too.”
Silently, Aramar waits, giving me nothing.
Nothing except for the way he’s holding himself, as if a threat could appear at any moment. The near silent approach, where I was oblivious to his presence until he called for his son. And that child’s capabilities! Dropping into a seven-on-one fight without a thought. Not the slightest flinch when a dozen enemies were charging him. Who does that?
When realization hits, I want to take a step back, but I hold my ground as I answer.
“You’re part of the Hand.”
“Excellent, Oswin,” Aramar says with a nod of approval. “Much faster than the other candidates.”
He glances at Raimie, who’s still bouncing with excitement.
“And my son likes you,” he says, as if to himself, “which is impressive in its own right.”
A weighty gaze falls on me, considering, and I stand stock-still, meeting Aramar’s eyes with a confidence I don’t feel.
“I don’t see the harm. We’ll give you a try,” he says. “How would you like to join the queen’s Hand?”
I palmed a bullet, the projectile from nearly two decades ago, and slowly rolled it from one side of my hand to the other. It had become my good luck charm, a memento of the night I’d met Raimie, the child who’d become my best friend despite the seven-year gap between us. Who after a nine-year separation, hadn’t recognized me when we’d met on a boat in Daira’s harbor, no matter that it had seemed like he might have for a moment.
Nine years surely explained Raimie’s change in demeanor. When he’d first returned from his convalescence, a strange sense of innocence had smothered every trace of the friend I’d sacrificed everything for, but over the last two years, that had faded. Raimie had once more become the confident, brash boy that I’d been inseparable from in Daira.
The one I’d enjoyed testing my skills against during sparring contests. Who’d loved, during Hand training, to race over the rooftops with me. Who’d confessed his darkest secrets during a week when Aramar had been away and his home had been less than welcoming. Nine years and the injuries that he’d sustained in the accident surely accounted for Raimie’s loss of memory. Surely.
Damnit, I couldn’t keep dwelling on the past like this.
Once more, I snatched Little’s report off of my desk, determined to finish it this time. In it, the youngest member of the Hand spent a great deal of time describing the journey to Qena as well as the village itself, at least at first. I recognized the delaying tactic, even in its written form, but I still took my time while reading this part.
A village of scientists and engineers? What a beautiful concept! Maybe I could visit them when I had spare time. I could show them my bullet and the original pistol from years before, the one I’d stashed away from prying hands and minds. Together, the scientists and I could unravel the mechanisms that made the gun from Daira’s tear so reliable and accurate, and once that puzzle was solved, we could tweak the crude replica that I’d devised years ago, further improving upon it. It would be a glorious trip, assuming I could ever find the free time needed to make it.
Little eventually meandered away from his lengthy description, and when I read about the group’s time in the village itself, I groaned.
Of course Rhylix had shown up in the same town. That Eselan always appeared at the most convenient or, depending on one’s point of view, inconvenient of times.
I was well aware that my dislike of Rhylix was irrational. Four years ago, when Marcuset and I had received a coded message from Eledis, calling for us to ready the troops, I’d been overjoyed, eager to prepare everything for the Audish royal family’s return. Marcuset had warned me that Raimie might not be the same, but I hadn’t listened to him. My childhood friend was coming home!
Then, Raimie had arrived, and very little recognition had passed between us. Instead, my friend had insisted on adding to the danger to his soldiers, all to retrieve his new friend. Rhylix.
Ever since then, I hadn’t been able to shake my dislike of the man, despite everything Rhylix had done for Raimie and his people.
The Eselan’s addition to Raimie’s group in Qena wasn’t what had triggered my dismay, though. Once again, my friend had come up with a ridiculous plan, and once again, I was expected to help with it, not that I ever truly minded doing that. Helping Raimie with the reckless and daring was one of my favorite pastimes, but unfortunately, it usually came with additional work.
Was this what my life would become? Work piled on work until I was so overwhelmed with it that it killed me?
No. I couldn’t think like that.
Tucking the half-read report in a breast pocket, I left my office. It was time to speak with a man I despised.
Adventures of the Hand 4.2
Middle
I found Eledis on the other side of the palace, but the old man wasn’t alone. Gistrick and Marcuset were in the study with him. I could hear the three of them shouting from the end of the hall, but when I slipped into the room, the argument, whatever it had been about, cut off.
I smiled at their shocked expressions. Using my status as spymaster to intrude on sensitive moments like this was always a pleasure, even if I sorely missed my previous anonymity as a simple ship’s captain.
“What are you three up to?” I asked.
Even with it lingering more on Marcuset than on the others, these three men’s sense of guilt was almost imperceptible, but I caught on to it regardless. Reading people’s faces was a skill that Aramar had extensively trained me in.
One of the men gave an excuse of logistics for the investiture to explain their argument, but now that my interest had been piqued, I was only half-listening to it. What had they really been discussing before I’d interrupted?
Usually, I would discount what I'd seen here, attributing it to the planning of a surprise or something equally as harmless. For a time, I’d increase the number of people watching these three, but that would be the extent of my precautions.
These were not normal times. A new king was about to be crowned, or whatever they called the process in this strange land. The period from now until the end of Raimie’s first year on the throne would be exceptionally perilous for him. Add to that my suspicions that we had a traitor in our midst, and one got a jumpy spymaster.
When Ring had first brought the possibility of treachery to my attention, I hadn’t taken it seriously. As good as Ring was at her job, she also had an unhealthy fear of betrayal, one that sometimes manifested as paranoia. She constantly saw plots against those she loved, even from the most harmless of people.
When she’d brought me evidence of her theory, however, I’d paid attention to her claims.
One of her contacts had discovered a suspicious flask during the one-year anniversary of Auden’s liberation. People, both notable and insignificant, had packed the capital for the festivals and feasts.
That day, I’d been in a good mood, mostly because Raimie hadn’t once tried to escape from my watch. Playing the role of bodyguard was always more fun if one’s charge actually cooperated with you. Because of that, my only challenge at the time had been keeping my friend away from Ren.
She’d attended the anniversary ball with Kylorian, and subtly guiding Raimie out of her path had taken every trick I knew. At the time, a meeting between the two of them would have been disastrous, given how much of a mess my friend had still been from how she’d left him, and that day, Raimie had been so very content. I hadn’t wanted the evening ruined for him, not with a reminder of what he’d lost at least.
Later that night, after most revelers had gone home to sleep off their drunken stupor, Ring had come along and ruined my good mood. She’d given me the flask, flushed with what she’d viewed as victory, and I’d had enough time to carefully glance over the folded message inside before the flask and its contents had disappeared.
What I’d gathered from that note had been enough to convince me that Ring was right. A malicious plot against Raimie was afoot, and our unknown enemy was using Esela to gather their reports, a tactic stolen straight from the Hand.
Even now, so many months later, our only clue about the traitor was the Eselan nature of that note’s recipient. Nothing further had surfaced, much to my chagrin. Raimie’s Hand and its various subordinates were supposed to be the pinnacle of spy networks in this world, and someone else was besting us.
Some nights, the lack of results drove me up a wall. I might excel at solving puzzles, but I needed more than one, single piece to do that well. I wasn’t like Thumb, who could look at whatever slight evidence had been gathered and extrapolate a ‘pattern’ from it, if the subject matter matched his obsessions. I needed more data to move forward.
The only assumption I felt certain of was that Doldimar was involved in this plot. As I’d told Raimie weeks ago, no other nation would want to take advantage of Auden’s weakened state, not when the kingdom had made an ally of Ada’ir.
The Southern Kingdoms might try to take control through economic means, but with Ada’ir providing necessary and reasonable trade agreements, such a ploy from those infighting nations would decisively fail.
Soon after Doldimar had disappeared, Ratchav had looked like they might, for the first time in decades, try to expand their borders, even if said expansion happened to be across the sea, but with Ada’ir’s army between the two nations, that plan had quickly flopped as well.
For a time, I’d toyed with the idea that the Matvai were involved in this plot, but the mountain clans had always been aggressively isolationist, more so than Ratchav, and that stance hadn’t changed, even with Raimie’s current round of negotiations.
In the known world, no other nation could contest Auden’s sovereignty. The ruins to the north suggested that, at some point, a realm might have existed beyond the mountains, but it had long since vanished from the face of the earth. Auden’s former neighbor, Lyzencroft, had also gone the way of that supposed ancient civilization, nothing but dead cities and wild forests. The small corner of the continent where the Esela had once carved out a haven for themselves was full of nothing but desolation as well. That left only one significant player on the board: Doldimar.
With the Dark Lord gone and no way to track him, however, I was at a loss as to how I could proceed with this investigation. On the night in question, one of Ring’s contacts had found our only clue, the flask, in the gardens, which had been both unmonitored and crowded during the ball. Trying to learn who’d dropped the flask out of everyone who’d visited the gardens that evening had been a nightmare, one that had surfaced nothing.
Given that, I’d been forced to lay low and watch for suspicious activity. Activity such as what Eledis, Gistrick, and Marcuset were currently displaying.
“Can we help you, spymaster?” Eledis asked.
I must have been staring at them for too long. Tiredly blinking, I resisted the urge to rub my eyes while scrambling to remember why I’d come here in the first place.
“Do you have any plans for the palace’s spires, Eledis?” I asked.
“None currently. So far as I know, no one would want to climb all those stairs on a daily basis,” Eledis said. “Why?”
“I need them for the king’s latest pet project. I wanted to ensure they’ll be vacant when our guests arrive,” I said. “If I require anything else from you, I’ll let you know.”
Turning, I started for the door.
“Guests?” Eledis asked behind me. “What guests?”
Fixing him with a stern stare, I said, “It’s not my place to say.”
It really wasn’t. I carried out the king’s will in whatever way he decided to use me, serving as an extension of my friend if you will, and because of that, I didn’t need to explain my actions to anyone who chose to question them. Let Raimie tell those three magic-phobic men about how he planned to gather, house, and train who knew how many primeancers in the palace.
With an unpleasant task completed, I proceeded to a much more anticipated chore. When I reached Ring’s room in the maid’s quarters, I knocked on the door and stepped back, prepared to wait, but it opened much more quickly than I’d expected.
After hurrying outside, an unknown man scurried away from Ring’s room, only briefly pausing at the sight of me glaring at him. Ring soon followed with her hair disheveled and face paints slightly smeared. Seeing this, my guts twisted into a knot, and I folded my arms behind my back to hide my fists.
“Learn anything useful?” I lightly asked.
“Not in the slightest,” Ring said with a yawn. “He was boring in bed too. What a waste of time.”
I said nothing in return, afraid of what might come out if I opened my mouth, and looking me over, Ring grinned, leaning forward so that her robe gaped open.
“Would you like to come in?” she asked.
“No. Thank you,” I said, firmly fixing my eyes above her head. “I have a new assignment for you.”
Straightening, Ring crossed her arms.
“But I was so enjoying tracking our spy,” she said with a pout.
“Ring…” I sighed.
Rolling her eyes, she snapped, “Fine. What’s the new assignment, then?”
Alouin, I hated it when she was upset with me, but… I wasn’t exactly happy right now either.
“You’re aware of the list that Thumb and Pointer have written for us while on their search?” I asked.
“You mean the hunt for the Dark Lord we’ll never find? Yeah, I know all about that silly quest and their extra duties,” Ring said. “At least they’re keeping track of potential threats, like primeancers while, on their tryst.”
I’d never like hearing that tone directed at anyone I loved, least of all when it came from a member of the Hand.
Frowning, I said, “Ring, those are your-”
“-family, I know,” she said with a grimace. “I’m just jealous, Oswin.”
At my name on her lips, my heart fluttered, but I forced my frown to deepen instead of listening to what that pathetic organ wanted to do.
“Middle,” Ring corrected with an eyeroll. “So, the list?”
“I want you to go to the potential primeancers on it and invite them to the palace,” I said.
With her eyes lighting up, Ring clasped her hands in front of her face.
“Oo…” she breathed. “What does the king want with them?”
“Not your concern,” I said. “You have your orders. Sweet talk the people on that list into coming here. It should be an interesting challenge for you. They won’t want to come, and you can’t force them to if they say no.”
She beamed with the last of her early morning hostility vanishing.
“I look forward to it.”
If that was true, why didn’t she seem like she did? Why was she looking at me with a slight pinch to her eyes?
“Good,” I said. “If you need any additional details for your mission, I’ll be in my office-”
“Middle?” Ring interrupted. “When was the last time you slept?”
Oh. That explained why she looked so concerned. Had my fatigue gotten bad enough that others could see it?
“What do you mean?” I asked with a fake smile.
When Ring stepped closer, it sent my heart leaping like a rabbit in my chest, only increasing in speed when she wiped her thumbs under my eyes. On inspecting their pads, she lost all expression, examining the powder found there.
“As I thought,” she said. “Come on.”
Snatching my wrist, Ring dragged me into her room.
Adventures of the Hand 4.3
Middle
“Ring!” I hissed.
I glanced back as the door to her bedroom thumped closed behind us.
“What are you doing?” I continued. “We can’t-”
Shoving me onto her mussed bed, Ring sternly pointed a finger at me.
“Stay.”
With that, Ring fled behind the screen that halved her room, and I considered bolting rather than following directions. Why were we in here right now? Much as Ring had offered for me to follow her through that closed door earlier, I knew how much she hadn't actually wanted it. She’d once told me how much she valued her privacy from the other members of the Hand, after all.
Before I could decide whether I was fleeing or not, Ring returned with a small bottle in hand.
“This will work much better than that shitty powder you’re currently using,” she said, placing the bottle on the bed’s edge. “Now, take off your jacket and lie, belly-first, on the bed.”
Wait, what? This wasn’t- I didn’t… Well, I did, but I’d wanted it to be more-
Making an exasperated noise, Ring straddled my lap, reaching for the top button of my jacket, and my thoughts stalled for a moment, resuming with difficulty.
Alouin, she was close. Hell, I badly wanted to throw my arms around her waist and pull her on top of me, but I shouldn’t encourage… whatever this was.
I really, really shouldn’t.
“Arms up,” Ring said.
When I followed those instructions, my shirt came off, making my heart both seize and jump in my chest, but by the time it was over my head, Ring had climbed out of my lap.
“Face down,” she demanded, pointing at her pillows. “Now, Middle.”
Oh. Oh! A massage, one of those things Ring specialized in. That made so much more sense than anything else I’d been thinking. Damnit, why had my thoughts automatically gone there? I should know better than that.
Fortunately, a pillow in my face was there to mask my chagrin, and as I fought it down internally, Ring climbed to sit on the small of my back.
“So many tensed muscles, Middle. That’s bad for your health,” she said. “Try to relax.”
And wasn’t that going to be a struggle, what with her pinning me to her bed? Still, I did my best. I focused on her fingers and the heels of her palms, on where she placed them and how she moved them to release strain from my body. Soon enough, I started drifting off without meaning to: not quite asleep and not quite awake.
Moving to rest on my thighs, Ring began her work on my lower back, and I made an utterly embarrassing noise, thankfully muffled by the pillow.
“Ha! Figures,” Ring said with a laugh. “You would carry your tension here.”
Alouin, what she was doing was pure magic. I hadn’t even known how tense I was until she’d gotten started with this, and hell, I didn’t want her to stop…
That might be a problem, but right now, I couldn’t bring myself to care.
“Why do you refuse to call me by name, Oswin?” Ring asked. “You did when we first met but ever since then…”
Well did I remember the moment she was talking about. Even beleaguered as she’d been at the time, I’d beheld Ring as the essence of beauty. The way she’d faced down the men who’d wanted to murder her, the defiant tilt of her chin, the glint in her hazel eyes: a memory that clearly blazed in my mind. I’d often wondered if I’d fallen for her then or if it had been in the subsequent years, spent working together.
“Did you know that you were my first mission as a member of the Hand?” I asked with sheets muffling my voice.
“I always thought it might be so,” Ring said. “You were quite inexperienced at the time.”
She laughed, and I wished I could listen to her delight forever.
“I should never have tried to fight so many of those guards at once,” I said, groaning at the recollection, “but you were desperate, and I couldn’t let them kill you. Speaking your name as I did was a mistake. Even if we know each other’s names, the members of a Hand are never to use them. We can’t have a strong attachment to anyone.”
Silently, Ring released her pressure on my legs, and I thought she might be done, which was more disappointing than I might like, but then she removed my boots. While she started working her magic on my feet, I propped myself up on my elbows before retrieving Little’s report. I should finish it while I was ‘stuck’ here.
“Do you ever stop working?” Ring asked with a strained laugh.
“No,” I distractedly said. “Maybe I’ll get a break when I’m dead.”
The fingers on the balls of my feet paused for several heartbeats before resuming, and unwilling to question that pause, I started the report from the beginning again.
“You know Raimie will never remember you, right?” Ring said “Marcuset told us that the accident did something to his head.”
“I’ve accepted that fact,” I said, “but he’s Raimie. I know you two didn’t spend much time together before he left Daira, but he was my best friend, all parts of him. In my entire life, pretending we were strangers when he returned was the most difficult deception I’ve ever-”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me,” Ring said. “I had two reasons for joining this crazy quest to Auden. One was for Raimie, and the other was-”
As I ran my eyes over a line in Little’s report again, my body stiffened, undoing all of Ring’s hard work in an instant.
“What is it?” she asked, as if from a far distant place.
I checked the report’s date. Alouin above, it had arrived two weeks ago. How had I slipped up so badly that I’d missed this until now?
Scrambling out of bed, I hastily grabbed my shirt, tossing it on. Ring joined me on her feet, snapping her fingers to get my attention.
“Middle! What is it?” she snapped.
“Read it for yourself,” I growled, shoving the report into her chest. “Then, start your assignment.”
Hell, that had been harsh. Before I left, I stumbled to a halt, clinging to the doorframe.
“And thank you,” I said with an awkward smile. “Truly.”
Shaking her head, Ring tossed the bottle that I’d forgotten at me, and as I took off into a run, I stashed it. Don’t ask me why I was moving with such haste. What was I going to do? Sprint toward Qena and hope to encounter Raimie and his soldiers on the way?
At that thought, I laughed, startling a maid. Sure, I probably couldn’t help my friend now, but I could prepare the palace for when he arrived. My first task would be finding a room that could work as a better resting place than a bedroll, perched on glass above a chasm.
I should visit Raimie’s study to retrieve said bedroll so my friend would have something familiar in his new room, and the fastest route there was via a shortcut through the service passages, one of which was quickly approaching.
As I spun onto it, something hard and fleshy stopped me short. I went down in a tumble of limbs, landing on whatever had caused this embarrassing fall, but even with the breath knocked out of my lungs, long-drilled instincts took over.
I rolled to my feet with a knife in my hand before clutching my aching chest. Seemingly in response, a pained wheeze came from the ground, and while searching the hallway for threats, I noted this sound had come from Little, sprawled at my feet. Taking a shuddering breath, the youngest member of the Hand followed my example, scrambling to his feet.
But if Little was back…
Weak laughter drifted from further down the hall.
“Gods, that hurts,” Raimie groaned. “I’m sorry about laughing. Two members of the Hand collapsing so spectacularly was too much for me to resist, though. Did you two hurt anything?”
Alouin, how could he ask that?
A crutch was keeping Raimie upright with its support unmistakably necessary, considering how heavily he was leaning on it. He’d tried to undermine the severity of what was wrong with him, walking on his own and pleasantly smiling, but the act wouldn’t fool… anyone, actually.
Ele’s light was thickly clinging to him, like a halo engulfing his body, and Raimie never used his powers so blatantly. He wasn’t afraid to display his primacy, but the fact that he was relying on it simply to stand told me how unwell he truly was.
Taking this in, I tried to breathe or move, but alarm had locked my body in a vice. I hadn’t seen Raimie court death so closely since the accident that had robbed me of my friend.
The boat pulls into the dock, and while the sailors weigh anchor and lower the gangplank, I rapidly shift from foot to foot. Once I have a path to it, I can’t say how I stay where I am instead of sprinting onto the ship’s deck.
Marcuset debarks first with his head hanging low. Even with that, I somehow catch the commander’s eye. Maybe my wiggling is what prompts him to come over.
“Did you find him?” I ask.
The ocean is vast, so big that I can’t wrap my head around it. Finding one boy, floating on its endless surface, is incomprehensible.
I ran for help as soon as Raimie fell into the water this afternoon, but Aramar didn’t finish organizing a search and rescue party until what felt like hours later. In cases where the sea has dragged someone into its embrace, rescue depends entirely on how quickly the hunt for its victims begins. So, did this one start early enough or not?
“We found him,” Marcuset tiredly says.
“That’s great news!”
Clapping my hands together, I cock my head.
“Why do you look so unhappy, then?”
“I’ll explain,” Aramar says from behind me.
I don’t jump, which is a testament to my years of training, but still, that man’s approach went undetected AGAIN. Spymaster Aramar’s lack of presence is enviable.
“Spymaster!” I say, stiffly saluting.
“No need for formality this evening, Middle,” Aramar says with no inflection in his voice. “You’ve saved my family’s lives, after all.”
He still has his eyes fixed on the gangplank, which quickly draws my attention as well. Soon enough, two pairs of stretcher bearers descend from the ship, making my stomach drop, and when they set foot on the dock, I leap forward. Aramar shouts something behind me, but I ignore him, intent on those stretchers.
The first of them holds Samantha, Raimie’s mother. She’s sleeping peacefully, wrapped in blankets, and I quickly abandon my inspection of her. I couldn’t care less what’s happened to that woman.
Raimie is in the second. The kid has been tied to the stretcher, but when my friend flails against those bonds, I understand why they’ve taken precautions like that. His arm is purple and swollen from the wrist to the elbow, badly broken, and he’s staring at nothing, frantically shifting his eyes back and forth while he incoherently mumbles. That ramble is only broken by the occasional, wet cough. Despite the fact that someone seems to have changed his clothes since his tumble into the sea, drying him off as well, moisture is still clinging to his new outfit, and goosebumps are spread across his skin.
If those issues weren’t bad enough, Ele and Daevetch are fighting for control of Raimie’s body. Black tendrils slap at white vines, and the occasional bloom of light drives its adversary away. Raimie’s face alternates between an angry, bared grin and serene stillness with those changes happening so swiftly that disquiet rises in me.
At the edge of my awareness, I note Aramar gently tugging on me, so I step back, letting the stretcher bearers continue toward the carriages at the end of the dock.
“You did well, Middle,” he says, patting my shoulder.
“I could have been faster,” I whisper. “Maybe if I had, Raimie wouldn’t be-”
I stop short, refusing to say another word.
“My son isn’t dying. He’s stronger than you think,” Aramar says. “Even if he was leaving us, though, it wouldn’t matter. I’m taking both of them to Allanovian, where they’ll get treatment.”
“The Eselan city?” I say. “They’ll turn you away! No humans are allowed there.”
“My family is,” Aramar says.
He grins, the first real emotion he’s shown since his return.
“Where do you think Raimie learned that fighting style you’re so envious of?”
I was certainly jealous of it BEFORE I replicated the style on my own, in secret.
But that’s not the point right now.
“I have friends there,” Aramar says, crinkling his brow. “They’ll have to see us.”
Despite the clear evidence of his disquiet, I decide to believe his assertion, and that relieves me more than I care to admit.
“Allanovian has the best healers in Ada’ir. If you’re going there, I’m sure Raimie will be fine,” I say.
But then, I stiffen again. Aramar may have told me to abandon formality, but I need to know what he expects from me for the next few weeks.
“Do you have any assignments for me while you’re gone, spymaster?”
With a sad smile, Aramar reaches over his head for the delicate chain around his neck, taking it off.
“I certainly do,” he says.
He hands me a key, dangling from the end of the chain.
“This will give you access to our records.”
Reaching into a pocket, Aramar gives me a pin, smelted into the shape of a hand.
“And this will get you in to see the queen, night or day. Marcuset will explain the rest. Good luck, Oswin.”
When Aramar offers me his hand, I shake it, despite my growing trepidation. Then, Raimie’s father trots to catch up with his wife and son, and while I inspect his gifts with a frown, Marcuset sidles up next to me.
“Congratulations,” he says.
“For what?” I say, pocketing the pin to further inspect the key.
What does it unlock? Records? Records for what?
“On your rise to the rank of spymaster, of course,” Marcuset says.
The rank of… Wait.
“WHAT?”
Adventures of the Hand 4.4
Middle
Taking fistfuls of Little’s jacket, I pulled him uncomfortably close to me.
“You were supposed to keep him safe!” I growled.
My adopted son wouldn’t lift his gaze from the floor, and at his miserable expression, I almost stopped scolding him. I almost released him and told him that we’d fix this, but this was exactly what I’d been afraid of, a mistake that could have irreparable consequences.
Pushing forward was for Little’s own good as a spy.
“What did you do? Let him go off on his own again?” I snapped. “I should remove you from the Hand, making you revisit your training. How do a few months of processing paperwork sound?"
Little’s face blanched, but he remained resolutely stoic.
“Nothing to say for yourself, huh?” I said, shaking him.
At the tail end of that, white light zapped between us, and stumbling back, I spun on Raimie—the obvious source of that light—intending to tear into him for leaving Little behind. That reproach died on my tongue before I could speak it.
Raimie was gasping, supported by Rhylix. His crutch was on the ground, most likely abandoned when he’d thrown Ele between me and Little, and when I noted Rhylix glaring at me, I, in turn, swallowed guilt.
“This injury wasn’t Little’s fault,” Raimie said once he’d recovered.
He retrieved his crutch with Rhylix’s help.
“A storm snuck up on us while I was fixing Qena’s tear. A pebble and especially fierce wind did this to me.”
I narrowed my eyes, wondering whether to believe this tall tale. If Raimie ever lied, it was in service to the people he cared about, but even in circumstances like those, his deceptions were easy to spot, which I’d always found ironic, given what he’d once been. Right now, I couldn’t detect falsehood in this story.
“You and I need to have a very long chat,” I told Little, “but it can wait. Get out of here.”
Nodding, Little slunk away, and I fought to keep from rubbing my face.
“And you!” I snapped instead. “Why do you make life so difficult for me? Sir.”
Alouin, I had to remember to add that sign of respect. When I was emotionally compromised, as I was now, such signs of formality were quickly forgotten. I ended up slipping into the jargon and beat of conversation that Raimie and I had used as kids.
“I promise, that’s not my aim,” Raimie said with a smirk.
Of course it wasn’t. It never was, and yet, that was what always happened.
“At least tell me that you’ll rest until the investiture,” I said. “In a proper bed, sir.”
“That was the plan, but then, I remembered that I don’t know which wing holds the bedrooms,” Raimie said, grimacing. “Would you mind showing me?”
“Not at all, sir,” I said.
Finally, my charge was showing some sense.
As I led Raimie and Rhylix through the palace, I could feel the Eselan’s stare drilling into my back. That man was probably upset about the commotion I’d caused, and for once, I thought his prickly temper might be warranted. I should have waited to discipline Little until Raimie wasn’t in sight, but I’d just been so angry to see my childhood friend’s body broken again that I hadn’t thought about what I was doing.
This was why a member of a royal Hand couldn’t make personal attachments. Once that happened, a spy made mistakes much more often, and Raimie couldn’t afford a spymaster who was worn out and emotionally entangled, not when danger was courting him with every breath.
I should step down. It was a prospect I’d been toying with for the last year, but the timing had never been right, not that four days before Raimie’s investiture would be good timing either. Dealing with a host of new responsibilities and handling an inexperienced spymaster would be difficult for Raimie, but it might be for the best.
It was only a matter of time before my exhaustion caused more than simple mistakes, like what had happened today. Soon enough, I’d fail to assign one of the Hand to bodyguard rotation or something equally as terrible. Before disaster struck, someone else should take up the reins, and Pointer, the one I’d been preparing to take my position for years, was ready for the job, even if he didn’t know it yet. Yes, Raimie would be safe with the other spy in my current role.
“Here we are,” I said, gesturing toward a closed door. “It should be to your liking, sir. The occasional diplomat’s guard sleeps here, and I’ll be next door, if you require anything.”
“Sounds perfect,” Raimie said.
Shuffling into the small room, he got into bed with Rhylix’s help.
“Thank you, Rhy,” he said. “Get some rest before starting up with the school, ok? You and Oswin will need to work out plenty of logistics before we’re set up.”
And wouldn’t that be fun?
“Are you sure you’ll be fine by yourself?” Rhylix asked.
“More than sure. I’m not entirely helpless,” Raimie said. “I can hobble far enough to get help, if needed.”
He grinned, which did not help with arguing his case. It pulled his chalky skin tight over his cheekbones, emphasizing how sickly he looked at the moment.
“If you say so,” Rhylix said. “I’ll come by later this evening to check on you. Stay in bed until I return.”
With a chuckle, Raimie said, “Yes, healer! I’ll see you then.”
When the Eselan left, I made to follow, but Raimie called me back.
“We need to talk.”
So. Maybe Raimie had reached the same conclusion as me. That hurt more than I’d expected.
Closing the door behind me, I absently pulled my lucky bullet from its resting place in my pocket, tumbling it through my fingers. Settling against a wall, I waited for the berating that was sure to come.
“Did you ever figure out how that thing works?” Raimie tiredly asked.
Surprised, I almost dropped the bullet.
“…This?” I asked.
Why would Raimie want to know about it?
“No. Its trigger continues to elude me.”
“That’s a shame. I know how much the difference between that pistol from the tear and the flintlock you created bothered you,” Raimie said. “If it helps, I always thought your design was brilliant. Transmuting the huge explosion that massacred a Daira gang to the tiny one our guns can handle was pure genius. Made me a tad jealous, if I’m being honest.”
“Yes, well. At times, your mastery of anything written makes me want to tear my hair…”
Rapidly blinking, I fell still. Had I heard that right? An explosion that had destroyed a gang in Daira. That had happened before Raimie had left the capital. Before he’d left my life.
No. No, on top of everything else, my hearing must be going too. Marcuset had insisted this would never happen.
So, why were my eyes burning while a single sentence tripped over itself in my mind?
“Sir, I don’t mean to pry,” I said, “but are you trying to tell me something? And if you are, could you please clarify what you meant?”
Raimie looked away with his throat working several times before he could speak again.
“I remember, Oswin. I’m sorry it took so long.”
With the burn in them almost overwhelming me, I squeezed my eyes closed while something flattened my throat. No matter how hard I concentrated on it, my breathing continued to hiccup and stretch, uneven all around, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
“When did this happen?” I faintly asked.
In painful jabs, I recalled recent moments when Raimie had sped in the opposite direction from me or times when my friend would go strangely silent, usually after he’d brought up events that had occurred during the first nine years of his life.
Raimie scratched something while considering how to respond before sighing.
“The block on my memories broke a little over two years ago, but they didn’t fully assimilate until the last anniversary celebration,” he said. “I may be ridiculously quick to recall anything written, but apparently, that speed suffers when it comes to my own damn memories.”
“It’s been that long?” I hissed through gritted teeth.
Cracking my eyes open, I found my friend, but as had become the norm in the last year, Raimie wouldn’t meet my gaze, focusing on his twiddling thumbs.
“I didn’t know how to broach the subject, so I avoided you,” he said. “Then, I almost died. I realized how easy it would be for me to fade from the world without you knowing that I remembered our friendship from long ago. So, I’m sorry for running away from the subject. I’m sorry for taking so long to tell you. Mostly, I’m just godsdamn sorry.”
Was there a pre-written response for this sort of confession? Because if there was, I didn’t know it. Damn, I wanted to punch Raimie for not coming to me earlier, but at the same time, something absolutely exuberant was crackling across every inch of my skin. My friend was back!
“You’re back,” I repeated.
For some reason, saying that out loud broke the pressure that had been building in me: the burn in my eyes and the fist in my throat. Sliding down the wall, I drew my knees up, hugging them, and cried. I didn’t know what was causing this breakdown. Fatigue? Anger? Relief? Ridiculous happiness? I genuinely didn’t know. All I could do was sit on the floor, weeping into my knees, and try with everything I had to stop it.
Vaguely, I heard something crash to the floor, but I didn’t realize what had happened until Raimie lightly brushed his fingers along my arm.
Jerking my head up, I said, “What are you doing out of bed? You’re supposed to be resting and… hell, Rhylix is going to kill me. You- you idiot.”
Searching me, Raimie bit his lips before getting to his knees in agonizingly slow increments. I wanted to stop him, to get him in bed—hell, Raimie was being the most Alouin damned difficult charge, even now—but I couldn’t move. Raimie wrapped his arms around me, giving me the most instinctual of human comforts, but it only made tears stream from my eyes even faster than before.
Nine years, I’d been wiped out of my best friend’s mind, three of which had been spent in his presence, and yes! Some of that time he’d claimed me as a friend, but it hadn’t… hadn’t been the same. Now that it was over, I could finally admit how much it had all hurt, how betrayed I’d felt, how ecstatic I was that my desperate hopes had come true.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but eventually, we ended up sprawled on the ground beside one another, propped up by a wall.
“Where does this leave us?” I asked. “I could act as your bodyguard when you didn’t remember me, but if we’re friend, truly friends like we once were, perhaps someone else should take my assigned slots.”
Raimie jerked around to face me with his mouth gaping.
“We’re friends?” he asked in a rush. “Even now?”
Huh?
“Why wouldn’t we be?” I asked.
“I-”
Sinking back to the floor, Raimie distractedly ran his fingers through his hair.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I suppose… I thought you might hate me for how long it took me to approach you.”
“I’m certainly not happy about it,” I said, “but since when has such a lapse come between us?”
Slumping, Raimie said, “Oh, thank Alouin. All those months I spent running away from you, I was terrified about whether you hated me for forgetting you. I didn't care about losing the presence of another ally watching my back. I was afraid that I’d lose you.”
“Does that mean you want me to stay on as your bodyguard?” I asked.
There was a long silence, and when I looked over at Raimie, I smirked. The kid—and I couldn’t help but think of him as a kid right now—had fallen asleep, but I couldn’t blame him for that. He’d just finished a trip that had spanned hundreds of miles after taking a life-threatening injury. Of course he’d fallen asleep.
With difficulty, I got Raimie back into bed, somehow not waking him up despite the many jostles and bumps made during the trip, and when I slipped outside, it was with a decidedly jauntier step. My workload hadn’t decreased in the slightest, but Raimie had remembered our friendship, and because of that, perhaps… perhaps Nylion had too.
For some reason, that simple fact made the burden lighter.
Chapter 75: Confession
Kylorian
As I waited outside the room where Raimie had been taking his meetings for the last two days, I fought to keep my foot from tapping or doing anything else that might show how agitated I was. I wasn’t scheduled to see him today—
Or scheduled the way he did it, at least, with messengers sent out to retrieve people as needed. It had become pretty clear to me that Raimie didn’t know how to do the logistics part of running a government yet, and I looked forward to helping with that.
—but I absolutely needed to speak with him. I’d put this conversation off as long as I could, hoping to let him heal up as much as possible, but- but he was here, and I needed help.
Raimie was a bit busy at the moment, though. From what I could faintly overhear through the closed door between us, I gathered that Ren had had similar thoughts to me today. She and Raimie were speaking in that room with her tone turning confused and intrigued and comforting in equal measures, and I was stuck here listening to it.
What was Raimie saying in there that had drawn so many different tones from her? Were they discussing his engagement to Queen Kaedesa? Was he telling her what had really happened in Qena, what had been the subject of rumors in Elisk since he’d come home? Or was he breaking her heart, yet again?
As soon as that thought had crossed my mind, I rejected it with a snort. I’d come to know Raimie well in the years since he’d first appeared in Auden. If that man did decide to reject Ren, he’d do it in the least harmful way possible. He’d have agonized over each word in the speech he’d meant to give her, to the point that it would have Ren agreeing with what he’d said, no matter that she’d already mentioned she’d do that anyway. Sure, his rejection would hurt her, as it must, but it wouldn’t have any lasting effects in the long run.
I didn’t know when I’d gained this much faith in Raimie. Perhaps it had been over the long months of our contest, where I’d constantly heard about his good works across the kingdom. People had always talked about how he’d never asked a thing in return for his service, save for the room and board he’d needed while accomplishing his tasks. Perhaps it was because with my concession to him finally here, I could let myself have this faith in him. Either way, one thing was for certain. Raimie had gained my loyalty, or as much of it as I was capable of giving him.
On the other side of the door, an Eselan in Ada’ir’s uniform was standing straight-backed with his eyes pinned on the wall opposite. The sight of him had surprised me when I’d first arrived. Even several years into our alliance with them, the people of Ada’ir rarely came to Auden’s shores, except for their queen and her small retinue of guards. I wondered why one of them was standing guard outside of Raimie’s room instead of with his queen.
When the door opened and Ren came through it, I straightened from where I’d been leaning against the wall, and almost immediately, she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Ky. Were you eavesdropping on us?” she said.
With my mouth dropped open, I was left at a loss for words, but fortunately, Raimie filled the silence with uncontrolled chortling.
“That would be fair turnabout, considering how I eavesdropped on him before I last left Elisk,” he said, “but I doubt Ky would do anything like that, Ren. He probably had the same idea as you. Or at least, I assume you’re here to talk?”
“Yes, that’s what I’m here for,” I said, pinning my eyes on Ren.
She ducked her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, before heaving a sigh.
“Sorry, Ky,” she said. “I…”
“It’s ok,” I said. “I understand where you were coming from, given… things.”
Slowly releasing a breath, Ren jerked her head in a nod before practically racing down the hall. We hadn’t talked much in the month Raimie had been away. It made sense that she was still wary of me.
After a tense moment, Raimie called out, “Are you coming in or not?”
Right. I took a deep breath before stepping into the room.
And immediately halting.
“Alouin above, what happened to you?”
Raimie was sunken into the room’s bed, probably from exhaustion, and his pallor was as gray as the sheets covering him. When he grinned, it made me wince; it looked so different from his typical enthusiastically pleased expression.
“A pebble and a storm, if you can believe it,” he said. “Please, come in. I promise it’s not as bad as it looks.”
“If you say so.”
I slowly came forward to perch on the chair already at his bedside.
“If you need to rest, I can come back later,” I tentatively said.
But Raimie made a face and shook his head.
“No, thank you. I’ve had enough rest lately,” he said. “And I’m glad you came. I’d have tried to find you myself if you hadn’t shown up. I’ve been thinking about your offer to help with all of this.”
He waved a hand overhead, as if to encompass the palace and everything that happened here.
“I have a few ideas for that and was hoping we could discuss them.”
Considering that was half of why I’d sought him out today…
“I’d love to,” I said.
Puffing up his cheeks, Raimie blew a breath out.
“Well, I guess my first question is how much do you want to be involved with… this,” he said.
With a raised eyebrow, I said, “With setting up your new government?”
Raimie nodded.
“As much as you think I can help,” I said. “With everything I’ve learned while growing up, I can bring a lot to the table, but… I know I could cause you issues too.”
Cocking his head, Raimie said, “Issues?”
It was my turn to blow out a long breath.
“My… relationship with… my father,” I said before waving it away. “We can talk more about it in a moment. Let’s finish with this subject first, yes?”
“All right,” Raimie slowly said. “Here’s my idea, then: I’m planning on running Auden a bit like they do in Ada’ir, with Ministers and the like. At first, I’ll appoint them, but once things are more settled throughout the realm, I’d like to have the people make those choices. That’s a goal for the long-term, though.”
I nodded along to show I was listening. It was good that he’d been thinking about these things.
Shifting uncomfortably, Raimie looked away, refusing to meet my eyes.
“I’d like it if you would become one of those Ministers,” he said in a near mumble.
That… was a surprising ask. Did Raimie know how much power he might be handing me, a potential adversary, with a position like that?
When I failed to respond, Raimie rushed to fill the silence, shooting his gaze toward the ceiling.
“I was thinking you could handle everything safety-related in the capital. So, organizing and managing a peacekeeping force, figuring out how to regulate public resources like wells, and the like. It seemed to match up with some of your passions, or the ones I’ve noticed, at least. But what do I know? I may have learned a few things when it comes to governing over the last few years, but I’m still a nobody who grew up in the middle of-”
He fell silent, and I wondered what could have turned his face as stricken as mine sometimes had looked after one of Tanwadur’s lectures.
Hopefully, I could bring him out of it.
“That’s not a bad idea. I even have some experience with it from when I led Tiro’s spies back in the day,” I said. “Are you sure you want to have me in such a key position, though? What if I-?”
What? Fucked it up, like Tanwadur had always said I would without his guidance? I did not want to voice that insecurity to the man in front of me.
“I’m more than sure.”
The warmth in Raimie’s voice dragged me out of my head. He was giving me a crooked smile, one I hesitantly returned.
“Well, I’m grateful for your confidence in me,” I said, “and I’ll accept the position, if that’s where you think I can do the most good.”
For Auden and for you.
Turning solemn, Raimie said, “I do.”
Then, he broke into a spunky grin.
“Now, what are these supposed issues you think you could cause? Given everything I know about you, I’m having trouble thinking of any.”
Oh hell, how highly did he think of me? I had to get rid of any hero worship he might have toward me. Now.
“Like I said, it’s about my relationship with my father.”
Alouin, it already felt damn near impossible to meet Raimie’s gaze. There was no way I’d be able to maintain it throughout this part of our conversation.
“As the leader of Tiro, Dury has a lot of power and recognition, especially since Tiro became the final sort of resistance in those last few months before Doldimar vanished,” I said. “You may have noticed during our brief time working together that he has a claim on me. That hold has been fading recently, and over the next few weeks, I mean to sever it completely. I’d like to tell you why he’s always had that hold, which should explain why you might want to side with him during our coming disagreement.”
I slid my eyes sideways to catch a glimpse of Raimie, jerking them back away once I had. He was watching me so intently! That much attention on me, especially his, made me shift in my seat.
He failed to say a word, so I blew out a long breath.
“It started when I was young,” I said. “As a kid, I didn’t live in Tiro with Eliade or Tanwadur. So far as Auden knew, I was the last semi-legitimate heir to the kingdom’s throne, the descendant of Prince Nebailie. You know about him now, right?”
Raimie nodded.
“The half-brother of Auden’s last king,” he said, “and from what I understand, the founder of at least one resistance against Doldimar.”
“That’s right,” I said. “The resistance I was born into, in fact. It… doesn’t exist anymore.”
Holding my body perfectly still, I fought off memories of the kind, indulgent people who’d first raised me. The good of their memory had been ruined by the next part of my tale for Raimie, and I couldn’t afford to feel the grief of that blow, not when it would almost certainly have me losing control in front of a man I admired.
“When I was six, a visitor came to our hideaway from Tiro. Everyone knew about the hidden city by then, even if its location was still a mystery to all, but this was the first time anyone from outside of that city had heard from them,” I continued. “I was so excited for his arrival. I’d met a few strangers before then, but this visitor was the first one my caretakers couldn’t stop talking about. His arrival heralded a flurry of activity on a level I’d never experienced before.”
“When I met him, he awed me; he seemed so much larger than life. Such a good fighter and so accomplished too! He told me stories of the outside world that made me hungry to see it for myself. I went to bed that first night both curious and delighted, ready for the continuation of experiences that was planned for the next day.”
And that had been the last time I’d been so carefree and happy.
“We threw a feast for him on the second day of his visit, something to truly welcome him into our community. It was the first time we’d all been in one place for a long time, which… was a mistake.”
Heaving a sigh, I blinked hard against the heat in my eyes.
“I don’t remember much about the feast itself. I know it must have lasted a long time because I started chaffing to leave the table so I could do anything but sit there while the adults talked. I’d even have been happy to attend a lesson, which was my least favorite activity at the time. Still, all that’s truly clear for me beyond that is the… noises my caretakers started making toward the end of our meal. It was awful.”
They still rang in my ears as clear as day: coughing and choking and…
“They collapsed into their plated and didn’t get up.”
I fell silent. The room was so quiet, but I couldn’t change that state. It felt fragile, teetering on the edge of shattering. Just like me.
“He… poisoned your caretakers? Your family?” Raimie asked. “The visitor did this?”
Alouin, his voice had been so gentle. I didn’t know how to handle it. It was exactly the response I’d wanted from him, but it was also so very uncomfortable.
I hugged myself before jerking my head in a nod. It was taking everything I had to keep memories at bay.
Vomit leaking from slack lips.
The man beside me rising halfway to his feet with his hand on his sword’s hilt before he toppled.
People I’d loved.
“Was it Tanwadur?” Raimie asked again, as if nudging me to continue.
And I was beyond grateful that he’d been able to read between the lines of what I’d been telling him. I couldn’t, couldn’t have named my adoptive father as the perpetrator of such horror, and the fact that he’d done it for me had me loosening my grip on my chest.
“He told me he’d given me a lower dose of the same poison he’d given them. That he’d provide me with an antidote if I made a vow to come home with him. He wanted me to see Tiro for myself because he had great plans for me. Plans to free Auden. Plans that my caretakers hadn’t approved of. He asked me to hear him out so that I could understand why they’d had to die. And I did.”
I refused to say anything further. I wouldn’t detail all the ways that Tanwadur had warped and twisted and seduced me as a child, all the beautiful promises he’d never kept and the threats, punishments, and… rewards that had followed. Raimie didn’t need to know about any of that. He already knew more than most people in my life.
I took a deep breath, roughly shook my head, and dropped my hands to my sides.
“So, yes. That’s how I came to Tiro,” I said, “and it’s an example of why you might not want to make Dury your enemy. He’s… ruthless. When he wants to be. And good at pretending otherwise, like he does with Eliade and my siblings.”
I had reason to believe that his relationship with my mother had once been very similar to mine, from the violent start to the congenial balance whenever she ‘behaved’. But I knew for a fact that Tanwadur had never treated my siblings so harshly. For him, their purpose was to serve collateral, keeping me in line. Always had been.
But now, it was once more Raimie’s turn to speak, and I was absolutely petrified about what he might say.
Chapter 76: Help for a Friend
Raimie
Kylorian had stopped talking, obviously waiting for my reply. Unfortunately, I was a little too lost in my own head to speak up immediately.
“I knew there was something wrong with that man when we first met him!” Nylion said.
He was pacing across the room behind Kylorian with his hands raised to strangle the air.
“Gods, I should have followed my instincts about him. Damn Chaos for advising caution!”
I wasn’t sure what he'd meant by that, but I couldn’t question him right now, not with Kylorian staring at me. We’d already gone through one awkward, revelatory conversation today. I wasn’t keen on having another, no matter how well the first had gone.
Ren had taken my recently changed relationship with Nylion relatively calmly, if also with a drop of confusion. I’d had to make things explicitly clear with her before she’d understood what I was telling her, which had been uncomfortable, but then, she’d smiled at me.
“I’m glad the two of you are happy. It’s what I’ve always wanted for you,” she’d said, “and for the record, I’d be fine with you having a relationship with another person outside of your head as well. Not sure how I feel about you having one with another woman, weird as that is, but another man or other? Fine with that. Although I guess that might cause a scandal among the other kingdoms, what with you soon to become king.”
I… had not and still did not know what to think about that idea. Given how many difficulties I’d had with one romantic relationship alone, I was pretty sure Ren would be enough for me for the foreseeable future. Anything else seemed… intimidating.
“…Raimie?” Kylorian hesitantly asked.
Right. My friend and the horrendous truth he’d just shared.
On the other side of Kylorian, Nylion stopped short with his face pulled into a grimace.
“I did not mean to distract you,” he said. “It is just… his story. I can-”
He cut himself off, pinching his lips inward, but the word he must have meant to say still echoed in our head: relate.
I can relate.
A sense of intrinsically knowing what someone else’s pain felt like, even if I’d never experienced something similar. The same sense I’d felt after Rhylix had shared his truth with me years ago.
How could Nylion and I relate to Kylorian’s story? The idea that we could when our life had been nowhere near as terrible as what he’d described was awful of me, but there it was, daring me to deny it.
“I understand that I’ve put you in a difficult position.”
The brittleness of Kylorian’s voice snapped me fully out of my thoughts.
“I’ll… give you some time to think about it.”
He slapped his knees, leaning forward as if to stand up, and I shot toward him, pushing down on his leg.
“You haven’t. Put me in a difficult position, I mean,” I said. “I was just thinking it over. Trying to decide what to say, which was stupid when I already have the words I need.”
I craned my head to meet Kylorian’s eyes. He’d been darting them over the room for quite a while now, but while I understood that impulse, I needed to make sure he was listening to me now.
“You’ve told me all of this as if I’d have to make some grand, agonizing choice at the end of it, but I don’t, Ky. I really don’t,” I said, “because the choice is simple. I pick you.”
Kylorian froze, staring at me without a blink. Meanwhile, Nylion raised an eyebrow at the other man, crossing his arms with a huff.
“Did he think there was a chance in the void that we’d chose a sadistic fuck like Tanwadur over him?” he said.
With a miniscule headshake at him, I leaned forward to rest a hand on Kylorian’s shoulder, smothering a grimace as I did. After this conversation and the one I’d had with Ren, I’d need to rest again soon. Rhylix may have fixed the injury I’d gained near Qena, but I was most definitely still recovering from it, considering how tired such a simple motion had made me.
“You mentioned something about severing ties with… him,” I said, barely remembering to replace the words ‘that bastard’ with something more neutral in time. “Do you want any help with that?”
Kylorian’s mouth flapped open. He tried to speak, squeaked, and cleared his throat. On his second attempt to speak, he managed a single word.
“Help?”
I nodded.
“I’m about to become king, right? If people insist on giving me so much power, I might as well use it for something good,” I said. “I could place a sanction on Tanwadur, make it so he can’t legally be near you. Or something like that. Anything you think might help. But only if you want it. It’s your decision how much you want me involved, if at all.”
“I do. Want your help.”
Kylorian paused, as if shocked that he’d really said that and so quickly too.
“I just don’t know…”
He trailed off, narrowing his eyes. I wanted to rush forward with more suggestions, but Nylion shushed me, flapping a hand practically in my face.
“Let him think.”
So, I did, and after a moment, Kylorian took a breath with a sharp nod.
“I want you to tell him your plan for us. That I’ll be working for you, which means I’ll need to live in the capital. That I can’t be disturbed by any calls for help at home that he might try to make,” he said, “and that you won’t change your mind about any of it.”
I saw the worry in his last statement and made my mouth, whose corners wanted to twitch into a smile, stay flat.
“I won’t be changing my mind, not any time soon at least,” I reassured him, “and that’s an easy enough task for me to complete. Is there anything else I should keep in mind while speaking with him?”
Almost immediately, Kylorian was earnestly nodding while leaning forward in his chair.
“You can’t let him know that I told you about my first meeting with him,” he said. “Tanwadur would see that as a threat, both from you and from me, and while I can hold my own with him and I’m sure you could too, I don’t want to cause you more trouble than I must.”
With a snort, Nylion said, “Please. This will not be any trouble. I only wish we could ruin Tanwadur as much as I might like, now that we know exactly how much of a piece of filth he is. But that might upset Kylorian, which I know you would not like.”
I let a smile crawl onto my face this time, making sure that my other half knew it was for him.
“It’s good of you to think of my wellbeing like that, but you don’t need-”
“And Ren too, I suppose,” Nylion interrupted with a contemplative look on his face. “Anything that happened to her adoptive father would upset her too.”
I clicked my teeth together so hard that I was worried about whether I’d chipped one. Ren… As if I needed another complication in that part of my life.
With a barely contained wince, I asked, “Does… Ren-?”
Kylorian’s curt headshake cut me off as effectively as Nylion had just done.
“She knows he brought me home after… intervening with my original caretakers,” he said, “but she doesn’t know the full extent of our father’s misdeeds against me. No one does.”
That made me wryly grin. I was glad I wasn’t in love with someone who could ignore something as awful as what Tanwadur had done.
“Except me,” I said. “Now, I know everything.”
Kylorian paused, eyeing me.
“Yes…” he slowly said. “You… do.”
Gods, he looked uncomfortable. Time to change the subject.
“I’ll get started with this right away. Best not to have it hanging over your head any longer than we must, right?” I said. “Unless there’s something else we should discuss first?”
“No,” Kylorian rushed to say.
As if once again started by his own abruptness, he paused before clearing his throat.
“No. Thank you,” he repeated. “We’ve addressed everything I came here to speak about.”
“In that case…”
I turned toward the nearby closed door before raising my voice.
“Dath? Could you come in here, please?”
As usual, my old friend from Ada’ir had accompanied Kaedesa on her journey across the Narrow Sea, and as always when that happened, the queen had dismissed him from his guard duties once they’d arrived. Inevitably, he’d found his way to my bedside after I’d returned from Qena, like he had done on every visit here.
It annoyed me slightly that this time around, he’d convinced Oswin that he could act as my bodyguard while Auden’s spymaster handled a few last-minute security precautions for the coming investiture. Ring, Pointer, and Thumb were busy in greater Auden, although they were due back before the ceremony, and I’d seen neither hide nor hair of Little since he and Oswin had had their altercation yesterday.
Which left Oswin busy enough to allow a former enemy-turned-friend to take his place.
I’d wanted to spend time catching up with Dath, not enduring enforced rest while under his watchful eye, but I hadn’t been given much choice in the matter.
Oh, well.
Leaning into the room, Dath raised an eyebrow at me.
“You need something, invalid?” he drawled.
Which only made me roll my eyes. He’d been giving me so much crap about what had happened beside Qena’s tear, going on and on about how one of Rhylix’s students should never have been caught unaware like I had. He’d cited his long list of accomplishments since leaving our mutual friend’s tutelage in Ada’ir as proof of how much I’d been ‘lazing away’ with my training.
Not that I minded his teasing. Much.
“Could you please send a runner into the city?” I asked him. “I need to speak with Tanwadur, the… guiding influence of Tiro.”
Damn, that self-professed title seemed even more pretentious and annoying, now that I knew the man’s true nature.
“I believe he arrived in Daira early last week,” I continued. “He’s staying at one of the inns closest to the palace.”
Dath tossed a casual salute my way.
“Sure thing, Raimie.”
As he closed the door, I caught Kylorian’s confused look and snorted back a laugh.
“He’s an old friend from Daira. That’s why he was so informal,” I said. “Now. Do you want to be here while I talk to your… father?”
Was that still the right word to describe Tanwadur’s role in Kylorian’s life?
Sighing, my friend said, “Yes, I still consider him my father, sad as that is. And no. I’d rather be… elsewhere.”
Nylion watched Kylorian’s rise to his feet with such pained eyes!
“It’s not sad at all,” he whispered, almost to himself.
I ignored him to smile at Kylorian.
“Thank you for stopping by, Ky,” I said. “At some point today, you should go find Eledis too. He mentioned something about offering you a position during the investiture ceremony, but unfortunately, I don’t know which one it could be. I’ve left planning that awful thing in his hands.”
Finally, the barest hint of a real smile flashed across Kylorian’s face.
“We have an appointment to speak about it tomorrow morning, but think you for the reminder,” he said, “and… thank you for everything else. Truly.”
It was my great pleasure to say-
“You’re quite welcome.”
Kylorian dipped into a short bow, which was still startling to see directed at me and especially disconcerting coming from him.
“I’ll take my leave,” he said. “Good luck, Raimie.”
He soon disappeared, and I turned all of my attention on my other half.
“You know how you’ve always wanted revenge for our family’s betrayal?” I said. “I’ve explained why we can’t have that—”
Yet, I silently added.
“—so how do you feel about using Kylorian’s bastard of a father as a replacement for that?”
Slowly, a beautifully vicious grin covered Nylion’s face, and seeing it, I shivered.
“I would love that,” he said.
Chapter 77: Consequences
Kylorian
Around the corner and at the end of the hall, I waited with my back pressed into resin-coated obsidian and listened as Tanwadur’s roaring voice echoed from Raimie’s resting place. He hadn’t wasted much time getting here, but I’d still spent every moment of it waiting for him with frayed nerves.
When I’d heard him coming, I’d plastered myself far too closely to the wall, feeling its rough edges dig into my back as I futilely tried to merge with it. It would have been so much easier to walk away, to maybe find Ren in the hope that she would tolerate my presence, but I needed to be here. I needed to know when it was truly over. To ensure Raimie was keeping his word, even if I already knew he would.
Tanwadur’s echoing voice fell silent, turning the hall dangerously quiet. I itched to check on Raimie, making sure my father hadn’t hurt him in his vulnerable state.
Fortunately, the guard, Dath, did that for me. I heard a door creak open.
“Is everything all right in here?” Dath stiffly said.
I had to strain my ears to hear Raimie’s reply.
“Everything is fine. Is that not right, Tanwadur?”
I didn’t bother to hear how my father answered that question, too busy reveling in relief to care. Their conversation seemed finished, and Raimie was safe. I could go. I walked away, surprised by how easy that had been to do.
Was this it? Was I finally free of… him?
“Kylorian!”
Of course, as soon as I’d considered that forbidden thought, he showed up to ruin the beginning of my cautious celebration.
I stopped in place, internally hiding everything inside. Once I’d schooled my face into pleasant neutrality, I turned toward Tanwadur.
He was at the corner I’d just left, which made me wince. I’d gotten pretty far from there—the turn onto another corner was right beside me—but not far enough. Of course I hadn’t. Luck had never been on my side, and I couldn’t expect that to change today, no matter how well it had been going before now.
“Hello, Dury!” I said. “How unexpected to meet you here.”
Perhaps I could conceal the fact that I’d been listening in, of a sort, to his conversation with Raimie.
For a moment, Tanwadur looked uncertain. I could see the remnants of murder, of at least my emotional wellbeing, in his eyes, but it quickly cleared away into a half-smile, as if he’d changed tactics.
“I just heard of your good fortune!” he said in a jolly voice as he strode to join me. “Minister of Public Safety? I knew you had something special in you, my boy!”
And I froze. This was not what I’d expected from Tanwadur so soon after hearing about the death of his dreams for me.
“Thank you,” I carefully said.
Smiling, Tanwadur slapped a hand on my shoulder, which along with his forward momentum, jostled me into a walk at his side.
“Would you get a drink to celebrate with me?” he asked. “I’ve learned how busy you’ll soon be. If I won’t be seeing you for a while, I’d at least like to celebrate your change of prospects with you before we’re apart for so long.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. After speaking with Raimie and acquiring his help, I hadn’t intended to speak with Tanwadur again, not for a long while at least, but I wasn’t sure how to avoid it now. Plus…
Plus. Much as I’d caught the warning glimpse of his anger just now, I couldn’t help hungering for a last moment with him when he was in a good mood. When he actually acted like a father.
And if we were in a public place, he’d have much less of a chance to take off his pleasant, public mask.
“Sure,” I said. “The inn I’m staying at has a decent selection of food and drinks in their kitchen. Why don’t we go there?”
Tanwadur jovially chuckled.
“That sounds good,” he said. “Lead the way!”
My father fell silent as he followed me to our destination, which put me on edge. Only the distracted smile on his face kept me from muttering an excuse and heading right back into the palace, where he soon wouldn’t be welcome.
When we entered the inn, Tanwadur curiously glanced around before spotting the rather obvious entrance to the dining room. Then, he hustled that way with me trailing him. He got us seats at the bar without my help while one of the inn’s waitstaff hurried to take his order.
She’d already bustled herself to the other end of the bar by the time I’d sat down.
Turning to face me, Tanwadur said, “So. How’ve things been since your last visit to Tiro? The last I’d heard, you were on your way to Sotchal to try gaining the town’s support, and now, you’ve thrown your weight in with the upstart. How did that happen?”
Fortunately, while his expression turned bitter at the mention of Raimie, he still seemed more amused than anything, which was a minor miracle. Because of that and our location, I decided to be truthful with him. Mostly. I still tailored my responses to this and all his subsequent questions so that they wouldn’t greatly upset him.
Sharing the events of my past few months got us through our first round of drinks, and by the time I was nearly done, the alcohol had already made its way through me. With an excuse, I headed for the kitchen’s small privy while Tanwadur ordered us another round.
This was going shockingly well, which both scared and elated me. I kept waiting for Tanwadur’s soft criticism, all the things he could get away with saying in public, to materialize, but… it hadn’t. Tanwadur had politely listened to my tale, asked questions when appropriate, and to this point, had seemed relatively supportive of my choices.
As I headed back to my seat, I tentatively let myself hope that I could end things with my father on a positive note.
He handed me a full mug of brandy when I sat down beside him.
“From what you’ve told me, you did well these last few weeks,” Tanwadur said, “and while I hate that you’ve given up the fight against the upstart, I also understand why you did it. So. I propose a toast.”
He raised his own mug into the air.
“To you. You’ve accomplished less than I’d have liked, but becoming a Minister is still worthy of praise,” he said. “I’m proud to have raised you into the man you’ve become.”
He lowered his mug to his lips, raising an eyebrow when I hesitated to join him. Honestly, the toast he’d begun had sounded more like an ode of praise to him and his… interesting approach of child rearing than anything else.
But the happiness and appreciation on his face seemed genuine, and I really didn’t want that to change.
So, I lifted my drink and took a big gulp of it, grateful that Tanwadur had catered to my tastes today instead of forcing his preferred beverage down my throat. The brandy tasted wonderful, heating my body to its extremities as soon as it had hit my stomach.
Tanwadur watched me the whole time before taking his own sip. Setting his cup down, he lumbered to his feet.
“My turn to relieve my bladder,” he muttered before turning away.
I leaned on the bar top, cupping my drink. How much longer should I stay here before begging off for the night? Staying in Tanwadur’s presence was always a risk, especially when alcohol was involved, and I was, at the least, satisfied with where this last conversation had landed us.
At the same time, if I tried to escape before Tanwadur was done with me, it might provoke one of his temper tantrums.
I should leave now, while he was preoccupied. It wasn’t like he knew which of the rooms in this inn was mine, and I could always lock its door behind me.
I waved for the barkeep’s attention, but as I started getting to my feet, a wave of intense exhaustion swept over me, and I crashed back into my seat, barely steadying myself before I could collapse to the floor.
What… the… fuck? I couldn’t be that drunk! I’d only finished off a shallow mug of brandy, which was nothing compared to the seemingly endless rounds of the past. Besides that, I usually became broody and withdrawn when drunk, not so light that I’d laugh at the slightest of humor, like I felt now.
Whatever. This reaction was unusual, sure, but I couldn’t deny that it felt nice. Why not enjoy it while it lasted? I so rarely felt this…
Tanwadur’s heavy drop into the seat beside me jerked me upright from a slow slump to the wooden counter in front of me. Alouin. Had I been about to nod off? Here? In such a public, unprotected place?
“Are you all right?”
Slowly blinking, I stared at the woman who’d appeared in front of me. What had she just asked? And why did she look so worried?
“Ah, that last drink must have hit him hard. I’d hoped we wouldn’t meet his limit so soon but… oh well. I should get him to his room before he falls asleep.”
The woman narrowed her eyes at… my father. What… was he doing here? Had he found out where I was staying? That was…
Oh no. Right. We’d come here to share a drink.
“And you are?” the woman drawled.
“His father,” Tanwadur said with a half-smile. “I appreciate your concern for my son, truly, but just this once, it isn’t warranted.”
The strange woman suspiciously stared at him for a moment more, which made me want to cringe. Didn’t she know doing that could start problems?
“All right,” she slowly said. “You two have a nice evening.”
She turned to the customers who’d appeared on the other side of me, which made me stare at them. How had they gotten so close without me noticing them? Magic?
“We will! Thank you.”
Someone grabbed my arm, and I barely noticed that it was Tanwadur in time to contain my flinch. Something distinctly unpleasant cascaded through me from head to toe as he flung my arm around his shoulder and pressed a hand to my side, but I swept the feeling aside. I was too tired to indulge it or figure out where it had come from.
We made our way out of the dining room and staggered up the stairs to the inn’s rented rooms. Tanwadur was quiet at my side. He didn’t complain, even when I tripped over my own feet and smooshed him into a wall. He simply propped me back upright and tugged me along, almost insistently.
Then, we were in my room. He tossed me onto the bed and stepped back. I barely felt his eyes on me through my drowsy haze, which felt… wrong. Why did this feel wrong? My danger sense…
Oh, who cared? I was certainly too tired to.
When I woke up, my body was both incredibly relaxed and hurting in a distinctly familiar way. I clenched my eyes more tightly closed and ground my teeth together.
It seemed Tanwadur had decided to gift me with his version of a reward.
“Shit,” I hissed into the tense quiet.
When no one reprimanded me for my less than polite verbiage, I knew I was alone. Thank Alouin.
It took a while, but soon enough, I felt the release of hot tears as they slid sideways over my face. I stayed there for… I didn’t know how long, just feeling. It was so much. Too much.
But I couldn’t shut it down. Not again. Over the years we’d worked together, Ivelais had taught me how much worse avoiding this pain would make me feel in the long run.
I needed to see my friend.
Getting out of bed was a long process of starts and stops. Cleaning myself up was… humiliating. I didn’t think it could be anything else.
I found a set of clothes with the longest and loosest of sleeves and pant legs and tugged them on before leaving the room.
The barkeep from last night was cleaning the dining room when I passed its entrance, presumably finishing her shift. She took one look at my stiff and wobbly gait before jerking away with her shoulders rising to her ears. I vaguely remembered her concern for my unseemly state last night and knew that now, she knew.
Great. I’d have to avoid her until I found different accommodations.
The shame of that… I couldn’t handle it. I sank into the safety of the fog in my mind, watching with interest as my body automatically followed Ivelais’s signs to their hideout once more.
I stopped in the empty house’s threshold. I didn’t know how long I stayed there, swaying in place with my gaze absently skipping over and then, returning to different parts of my surroundings.
Ivelais found me there. Carefully, they maneuvered into my field of view, and my focus snapped onto them.
Once they’d noticed that, they cautiously asked, “What happened?’
Dutifully, I opened my mouth to answer.
“He…”
My words ran out. Understanding dawned in Ivelais’s eyes. I looked away.
“Ok,” they whispered.
In incremental movements, they took my hand and tugged me inside. We ended up in the room from weeks ago, when we’d last met. When I winced while lowering myself into a chair, Ivelais sucked in a sharp breath, as if she hadn’t expected that.
I couldn’t take it.
“I met with Raimie yesterday. He agreed to help me,” I said. “He met with… him to deliver an ultimatum. I left the palace with… him for a drink. I don’t remember much else of the night. Just snippets.”
“Oh, Kylorian.”
Ivelais had been so gentle and soft with that exclamation. I turned to them, taking in the concern plainly written on their face.
“What do you need?” they asked.
That stopped the beginning of an incipient spiral. The only other people who’d asked me questions like that were my siblings: Hadrion, long gone, and- and Ren. Ren, who always centered me. Ren, who was safety. Ren, who I loved.
“You're in WHAT with your sister?” he roars.
“She’s not-! It isn’t-!” I stutter.
He advances and snatches my arms.
“Not her. Never her,” he growls. “Only I can make you feel that was.”
Fuck. No. No, no, no.
He’d… he’d said that last night. I didn’t- I couldn’t-
“Kylorian?” a much gentler voice asked.
Ivelais. They weren’t her but maybe… And if they were amenable…
“I need to change the narrative,” I said. “I need to take back what he just took. He… he told me…”
Alouin, this was hard to say.
Ivelais reached over the squeeze my hand, which made one corner of my mouth quirk. I didn’t deserve them.
“He said that only he could make me… feel. Certain ways,” I made myself say. “I need to know that he’s wrong. I need to wash away what he did. Something that should have been good.”
I’d thought maybe we could part ways, having found some sort of understanding. I thought that it was over.
Ivelais pulled their hand away. I stopped talking, knowing I’d just made a mess again.
The sound of rustling fabric jerked my head back toward them. Holding my gaze, Ivelais dropped their removed tunic onto the floor.
“I can absolutely help with that,” they said.
I let out a relieved sigh, even as they started crawling onto my lap.
“You’re sure about-?” I started.
They cut me off with a kiss.
“Stop thinking,” they whispered against my lips. “Just feel and do. Erase the crime that your father has committed against you.”
By the void, they were… everything.
I did as they’d said.
Chapter 78: The Investiture
Raimie
These damn robes were extraordinarily heavy. After Ring finished smoothing out an unseen crease in their length, she stepped back, wrinkling her nose.
“Are you sure you won’t let me add some color to your cheeks?” she asked.
She'd entered my room a few minutes ago, taken one look at me, and started fidgeting with my clothes and hair, which had made me only a little uncomfortable.
“Let’s see how I look without it first,” I stiffly said.
Ring retrieved a full-length mirror that she’d found gods knew where, rolling it to a stop in front of me, and I examined her work in progress. One look and I understood why people had been treating me like someone who was about to keel over for the last few days.
“We look awful,” Nylion said. “You should have rested a day more in Qena before making the journey here.”
I was eager to get us home, I said.
Grinning, Nylion came up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder and circling his arms around my waist. It was a disturbing image, what with me completely drained of color and Nylion a grotesque mixture of black, blue, and green. Only our ice blue eyes provided any redeeming qualities to our otherwise matching faces.
“More like you wanted to return to Ren and the conundrum that she has left us with,” Nylion said.
Tilting his head, he kissed my cheek while I glared at him.
“A little color might be called for,” I said. “Not too much, though. It can’t look unnatural.”
“I don’t do unnatural,” Ring huffed, pushing the mirror away. “Sit.”
I was more than happy to comply. Holding my weight on my leg, even for a short time, had dragged on my already flagging supply of energy.
While Ring bent to her work, Nylion stood behind her, making an alarming range of noises from impressed to disgruntled, but before I could get too annoyed with him, Rhylix slipped into the room.
“Wow, look at you,” my friend said. “I can almost believe that I didn’t patch you up two weeks ago.”
“Are you here to scold me again?” I sourly asked.
He’d been doing that a lot since we’d gotten back, and I didn’t want to hear it again.
“No, you’re too stubborn to listen to my advice, so why should I give it?” Rhylix said with a smile. “I’m here to offer my congratulations.”
“What for?” I asked. “I don’t want this.”
Which only made Rhylix smile.
“I’m well aware,” he said, “but that’s why you deserve the congratulations. If you were eager right now, I might be worried for Auden.”
“Would you two stop talking?” Ring snapped. “Fixing this wrecked masterpiece will be difficult enough without my canvas moving.”
I promptly closed my mouth, holding it still despite both Rhylix and Nylion’s many attempts to make me laugh.
“That’s the best I can manage,” Ring eventually sighed. “Hopefully, it’ll do.”
Rhylix moved forward to take a closer look.
“Oh, it’ll do,” he says. “He doesn’t look like he’ll drop dead at the faintest breath of wind now, which is a marked improvement. Considering the before, I’d say your work is nothing short of miraculous, Ring.”
She blushed a deep, cherry red, mumbling her thanks.
“Will you be there to watch your ‘masterpiece’ revealed?” I asked.
I… could use all the support I could get today.
“I won’t be observing people’s reactions to my work, if that’s what you’re asking, sir. I’ll be looking for trouble, the same as the rest of the Hand,” Ring said. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get ready.”
After she’d left, I sank back into my chair with Nylion sitting on my knee, waiting for the signal that the ceremony was about to begin. Butterflies fluttered in my belly, and I jittered my good leg. To keep my mind off of what was waiting for me, I inspected my friend.
Today, Rhylix claimed the most animated state that I’d seen from him in the last two weeks, which meant Ele must be firmly under his control. Contained energy was making my friend look positively vibrant, which was a nice change from the depleted state that he'd been stumbling in since Qena.
The average person probably wouldn't notice this change, but I did. I wasn’t sure if that was because my friend always let his guard down around me or if I’d grown to know him well enough to read such a tiny distinction.
In the last two years, Rhylix had ranged between exhilarated and exhausted, depending on how much energy Ele provided him on any given day. When my friend seemed to be staggering through a fog, I raged at Ele—Bright had probably gotten sick of that—but on days like today, I positively cheered to see Rhylix returned to the man I’d first met.
Although, honestly, Rhylix looked much more striking today than he had four years ago. He’d neatly pulled his hair into a tail and shaved, dispelling the scruffy air that had accompanied him since Doldimar’s disappearance. In addition, he’d discarded his ratty cloak, tattered by years of travel and combat, and replaced his normally disheveled clothes with a modest tunic and trouser combination. A smart, waist-length jacket went over that, and knee-high boots finished the ensemble.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about how much effort he’d put into his appearance, just because of what we were doing today.
After rapping on the door, a soldier poked her head inside.
“Nearly ready for you, sir,” she said.
Which meant, 'get moving if you plan on shuffling into position on time'.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll be there soon.”
Grunting with effort, I rose from my chair, and without a word, Rhylix was beside me, supporting my arm.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
We slowly headed toward the hall of worship with Rhylix taking the brunt of my weight and Nylion worriedly hovering beside us.
My body was a mess of broken pieces, even two weeks and a half after Qena. Not counting my leg, I had a cracked breastbone and several bruised ribs to deal with. The leg itself always ached, a throb of pain that never quite went away, but the worst of my ailments was the exhaustion.
I’d lost far too much blood with that nicked artery, so much that without Ele’s help, I’d have become a cold corpse before I’d left Qena’s tear. As it was, Ele had assisted with my cling to life, but as with anything magical, it had come with a price. I’d survived, but a long recovery was still ahead of me, not only because of the very real blood loss I’d endured but also because of the interest that Ele had demanded for its use, the price of which extended beyond total exsanguination.
Waving for a break, I leaned both palms against a wall. I fought to stop the uncontrolled wheezing rattling my lungs, vaguely aware of Nylion running a hand through my hair.
“Would you like me to take this from you?” Rhylix softly said. “Ele might allow it today.”
Sharply glancing at my friend, I directed my focus to Bright in truth, standing beside the Eselan.
“He’s overestimating his strength,” the Ele splinter said.
That was about what I’d thought.
“I can handle it, Rhy, but thank you,” I said. “Besides, you said I’ll be fully recovered in, what was it? Another month?”
“Give or take a few weeks,” Rhylix said.
“Well. After we’re done with this ceremony, I don’t plan on doing anything else as physically demanding until I’m healed,” I said. “Town mayors can bring their problems to me, for once.”
“I don’t think you realize how much work your first month as king will pile on you...” Rhylix started.
“I said I’ll deal with it,” I snapped, interrupting him.
Panting, I rested my forehead on my arm for a minute before pushing away from the wall.
“Let’s keep going.”
After what felt like an eternity, the hall of worship appeared ahead of us, and I tugged my arm away from Rhylix, reverting to sole dependence on my crutch for support. The reason for my sudden insistence on self-reliance was leaning against the doors ahead with his arms crossed.
“Kylorian,” I said, nodding to the other man.
“Raimie,” Ren’s adoptive older brother said.
If Rhylix had made a delightful transformation for today’s proceedings, Kylorian’s was stunning, even subtle as it was. Ren’s big brother had always been a handsome man, but in military dress, he exuded appeal. Every crip fold, every gleaming button, and even the shine on his boots multiplied his legitimacy.
“Are you sure you don’t want to trade places?” I asked with a chuckle.
“I am absolutely positive,” Kylorian said, smiling. “Don’t envy you in the slightest.”
We both laughed at that while Rhylix uncomfortably shifted beside us. I knew he wasn’t happy with Kylorian, considering everything I’d shared with my friend about him and Ren, but I’d insisted that since Kylorian hadn't insulted him, Rhylix should let Ren and I handle it how we wanted. So far, he’d respected that wish.
“My friend, I need to get into position,” he said. “Can you handle… this by yourself?”
“Sure!” I chirped. “Ky and I will have a short chat, and then, we’ll join you.”
“And as always, I will watch over him,” Nylion said.
He didn’t seem to care if Rhylix had actually heard him, more needing to say the words. Besides, he knew the Eselan would eventually hear what he had to say. Over the last two weeks, he and Rhylix had been holding a halting and much interrupted conversation.
Unfortunately, because we’d been surrounded by a bunch of supremely overprotective soldiers at the time, Nylion hadn’t been able to come out and speak for himself, so I’d had to translate things, not that I’d minded. I was hoping that sometime soon, the two of them could actually meet, in person, but I wasn’t sure when that would happen. Life had been incredibly busy of late.
Lightly resting a hand on my back, Rhylix said, “Good luck.”
He cracked the door open, leaving me alone with the man who’d been my rival. Who was somehow still my friend. How glad was I for that?
“You ready for this?” I said with a grin.
“As I’ll ever be,” Kylorian said. “I’m not looking forward to seeing Dury’s face in there.”
Yes. There was that.
“We talked about this,” I said. “I’m happy to help with him as much as you like, even more than I already have, but…”
“I know. It has to be my decision,” Kylorian quickly said.
He looked away with a strange mix of pain and something else written across his face. Was that... shame? He had nothing to be ashamed of when it came to cutting contact with his adoptive father.
But then, Kylorian brightened.
“And I am looking forward to what my life will be like without his dreams for me overshadowing everything I do.”
I could imagine.
“I’m glad you’ll have that opportunity.”
The long-winded speech filtering to us through the crack in the door started winding down, and I gestured toward it.
“Shall we, my soon to be Minister of Public Safety?” I said.
“It would be my pleasure.”
While Kylorian worked on flinging the hall of worship’s heavy doors open, I leaned my crutch against their frame, there for me as soon as this was over. On transferring even a modicum of weight to my bad leg, I almost toppled, which had Nylion reaching to steady me, but after a sip of Ele, the sparks of pain in my vision dulled. The pain transformed into a bone-deep soreness, a discomfort I could manage.
Following Kylorian, I began my march to the apse. With an expression of tranquility affixed to my face, I forced my lips into a serene smile to complete the illusion.
That smile became more genuine as I walked down the aisle. To either side sat town mayors and throngs of ordinary citizens, maids from the palace and average Eliskians allowed to attend the ceremony at my insistence. I knew my Hand was mingling with them, but they were blending in so well that I couldn’t pick them out of the crowd.
Toward the front, military commanders and foreign dignitaries had claimed their seats, and among them, several familiar faces stood out. Gistrick was frowning at me, infecting the guests in his immediate vicinity with his displeasure, but Uncle… Commander Marcuset practically beamed with pride at me. The Matvai's Vasnavai had shown up as well, despite her refusing to answer our invitation earlier this month.
I spied Ren’s black hair near her adoptive father, and my spirit lifted, even if she was resolutely facing away from me. Almost immediately after recognizing her, however, I noted Auntie Kaedesa in the same seat on the opposite side of the aisle with her Minister of Finance, Pierdriel beside her, and my delight wavered. Fortunately, Dath was sitting a little behind them both, furiously waving at me, and that almost had me laughing out loud.
For the briefest of moments, I wished my father was here with everyone else. No matter that I’d never wanted it, this ceremony was one of the most significant events in my life, and having no parents here to watch it tugged on my heart a little. Then, Nylion raced ahead to get into position, and I remembered why my father was no longer a part of my life.
Putting him out of my mind, I focused on my destination. Eledis was waiting at the head of the aisle, restlessly fidgeting. When our eyes met, he smiled, but I could see the strain behind his pleasant expression.
Oswin stood to the left and slightly behind Eledis, one of the two visible members of my honor guard, and if there was one thing I was certain of about with this ceremony, it was that the spymaster deserved that spot. How long had he been trailing me, never expecting to be remembered in full, before the spell that had constrained my mind had broken and our friendship could truly resume from its long pause? How often had the spy served as my shield? If anyone could stand for me today, it was Oswin.
Meanwhile, Kylorian had positioned himself beside and behind my old friend. His spot in the honor guard had been both a personal and professional concession on my part. I wasn’t sure if we were close enough for me to want him up there, but I did know that our previous rivalry had given the appearance of an unstable government to the Audish populace. Now, we were showing them that we two members of the Audish royal family were united in purpose and resolve, and that was important.
The final member of my honor guard wiped away any uncertainties I might have about Kylorian’s position. Nylion was hovering with the other two, invisible but supportive in every way. As I approached, my other half beamed at me before pulling an incredibly hilarious face, which forced me to focus on maintaining my composure instead of laughing.
I’d wanted Rhylix up there as well, but he’d begged off, asking for another job. I understood stage shyness—the only reason I wasn’t trembling from that right now was because of my shrieking leg—so I’d easily rescinded the request. As long as he was somewhere nearby, I didn’t care what role Rhylix played in this ceremony.
I stopped short of the single stair that led onto the apse. Ceasing with his fidgeting, Eledis spread his arms.
“Today is one for the history books,” he said in a booming voice, “for today, the rightful king of Auden takes his place on the throne. Gone are the days of oppression, the centuries where a shadow veiled this land. Today, we move forward into a new age, one of peace and prosperity.”
At the reference to the foretelling, I rolled my eyes. Perhaps my grandfather was hoping to convince the people that today’s proceedings would fulfill the damn thing, but I knew that wasn’t what was happening. Somewhere beyond these walls, Doldimar still befouled the earth with his presence, and the foretelling wouldn’t be completed until he was gone.
Some of those in the audience must have agreed with my silent conclusions because a round of polite coughs followed Eledis’ speech, but he hadn’t finished with his theatrics.
“Kneel,” he said with a smirk.
We... hadn't talked about this. Eledis knew that right now, I could hardly walk, much less kneel, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get up once I was on my knees, not without help at least. What was he trying to pull?
Still, it wasn’t like I could protest, considering the circumstances, so instead of thinking about the process, I concentrated on each step.
Place my bad knee to the ground first so it bore less weight when the other-
AGHH!
Wobbling, I nearly blacked-out before my good knee joined the bad on the stone floor. I took a deep breath, waiting for the pain to fade, before baring my teeth at Eledis in challenge, and he nodded his approval. Was that all this was? A test of strength?
But what else could Eledis have gained from it?
Beginning with the vows, he said, “Do you swear to serve Auden’s children, from the most common of serfs to the highest of nobles?”
Modifying the old vows to reflect modern times had been Eledis’ idea. While Doldimar had been in power, the worship of Alouin had struggled. Few had favored the idea of a benevolent god when their lives had been living hell, and so, Eledis had thought it best to drop any mention of him from what I would swear.
After my last encounter with Alouin, I’d heartily endorsed that change, having no desire to swear my service to a possibly unstable being. Plus, removing Alouin from the first vow was sure to please the Matvai’s leader. There was no need to remind her of the religion that had suppressed her own people’s beliefs for generations.
So, it was with a clear conscience that I said, “I so swear.”
“Do you swear to protect Auden from enemies within and without, using all available resources up to and including your own life?” Eledis continued.
This one was easy.
“I so swear,” I said with a grin.
As Eledis spat the words of the last vow, his face twisted.
“Do you swear to foster an environment of equality and understanding, always considering the view from both sides of an argument?”
This one had come at my insistence. Humanity insisted that life was made up of black and white—Ele and Daevetch—and its various people contended that those who weren’t on their side of the line were the definition of evil. Very few of us stopped to consider the maybe the world was made up of mostly grays.
Take primeancy for example. Most people considered Ele to be good, but what happened when one wrapped that primal force so tightly around oneself that only rigidity and inflexibility remain? Once trapped within a prison absent adaptability or change, only a slow death could await such a captive.
Conversely, Daevetch was named evil, but sometimes, aspects of it were required for life to advance. What came after the Destruction of a forest fire? An explosion of plant life, sprouting from the ashes. What accompanied the Horror of personal tragedy? In most cases, personal growth.
Maybe it was because I wielded power from both sides of the Eternal War, but I was tired of being one of the few people who could see the benefits of both. I’d make it my life’s work to found a new type of kingdom, one where everyone belonged and it didn’t matter if one was Eselan or human, an Ele or Daevetch primeancer. Everyone would be welcome in Auden.
Perhaps, however, my people weren’t ready for my vision because behind me, vicious coughing erupted. Ignoring it, I squarely met Eledis’ eyes.
“I so swear,” I said.
Through gritted teeth, Eledis said, “Rise.”
Ok. Climbing to my feet didn’t need to be as daunting as it seemed right now. If I objectively examined the problem, I was sure I could figure out a solution.
I glanced at my hands, one of which was hanging beside my glowing leg. Would using them be a display of weakness….?
Oh. Duh.
Shooting Ele from my knees, I rocked onto my heels, wheeling my hands to keep from toppling. When my feet flattened, however, I relaxed, viciously smirking at Eledis.
My feat must have flustered the old man because he skipped the explanation of Shadowsteal’s significance in Auden, merely gesturing for it. Rhylix came forward with a cloth-covered bundle cradled in his arm, and as he approached, he winked at me, softly applauding beneath his burden.
Flipping cloth to the side, Eledis withdrew the sword that had started our long journey, impatiently offering it to me, and I licked my lips.
“Here goes,” I murmured to myself.
Chapter 79: Disaster
Raimie
When I accepted Shadowsteal’s offered grip, the world crawled to a stand-still, which I’d half-expected. Everything else, I had not.
Ele suffused the hall of worship—in the walls, the floor, the air—and I could see every speck of it. Scattered splotches of it brightened and gathered until they drifted toward me, and I gratefully accepted them, letting their energy buzz through my veins until everything wrong with me fell away. A drumming beat thrummed alongside this energy, and rolling my neck, I took a moment to enjoy this glorious sensation. Peace and a humming pulse drowned out my consciousness, but after a moment of thoughtless floating, I struggled to find the surface, intent on discovering how else Shadowsteal had altered my world this time.
Eledis, Oswin, and Kylorian were shining brighter than the hall of worship’s background with each of them caught halfway through a breath. Oswin’s proud look of triumph was spreading across his face at a snail’s pace with Eledis’ disquiet joining it. The three stood as glowing statues, moving much like I imagined stone would, if it could.
In front of them, Rhylix was a blazing beacon of white light, and I shielded my eyes to keep from going blind. Beside their Eselan, Creation watched me with foreboding, although no light emerged from the splinter. They were merely Rhylix’s twin.
Meanwhile, Bright clapped and giggled at my side, hopping in place, and a stain upon the world was standing with the Ele splinter. Its uncertain grin was barely visible through the swirl of wrongness that made up its face.
I restrained myself from twitching the blade toward it. Yes, that was the enemy, but it was also Dim, and while I held this weapon, I wouldn’t let Shadowsteal destroy my Daevetch splinter. Piecing Bright together after their destruction had been enough of a pain in the ass. I didn’t want to do the same for Dim, not when I could avoid breaking them in the first place.
But out of all the world’s changes, only one sent my heart soaring into my throat with panic soaking through my mind.
Nylion had disappeared.
Frozen in place, I could only stare at where my other half had been standing with questions flying through my head. Was Nylion gone? Had I lost my other half again?
Because I couldn’t do it. Not a second time. Not after everything we’d become over the last four weeks. I COULDN’T.
When reassurance and calm zinged down our bond—Nylion doing what he could to communicate with me, I assumed—I ever so slowly relaxed from a tautness that scared me. He was still there. Everything was ok. I needed to breathe.
And focus elsewhere.
Behind me, a song of voices raised in joyous cries started up, and I turned to accept those cheers. A collection of white candles made up the crowd with each of them glowing at varying degrees of brightness. Most matched Oswin and Eledis, but one of them near the back overshadowed the others, someone who had an Ele splinter hovering behind her, and I jumped at the sight. An Ele primeancer, here?
Had that woman’s splinter told her what might occur when I touched Shadowsteal? If they hadn’t…
My grip on the sword slackened, to the point that it almost clattered to the ground. How much of an invasion of privacy had I imposed on that woman?
Despite this violation, I couldn’t stop fascination from stealing my focus. If I could see concealed splinters while holding Shadowsteal, maybe this inconvenient weapon could be useful after all.
And that moment of contemplation was when I saw it: thick smoke cloying along the underside of the roof. The sight of this didn’t fit the investiture’s scene, not with gas lamps and candles lighting the hall of worship. They shouldn’t produce as much smoke as what was floating above me. So, what was?
When I traced it back to its origination, I found it coming from the windows, and with Ele singing inside, I danced forward to investigate. Energy’s beat pulsed so loudly in me that I worried it would rip through my skin, breaking the barrier to the physical plane that was me, and gleefully vibrate the world to bits with its newfound freedom.
“Silly human!” Bright said. “It could never do that.”
When they manically cackled, I cringed at the uncontrolled exhilaration found in the voice of a primal force’s fragment. What disaster could come from Bright’s unusually agitated glee?
On the fringes of my vision, a stain upon the world said, “Ignore them. They can’t cause much damage all by their lonesome.”
I took Dim’s suggestion to heart, having made it to the closest window. Behind me, the crowd caught up with my sudden movement, shouting a measure of surprise and delight to contrast my dismay.
For outside, someone had built a string of bonfires along the hall of worship’s walls with each of them placed beneath a window.
With Ele’s beat forgotten, I sprinted to the door at the back of the hall, trying to open them in vain. I’d already thought a barricade would be blocking them, but I’d hoped…
Hope would get these people killed.
The audience was gradually getting to its feet, twisting to face me. Their new king. The one who’d vowed to protect them.
Blocked door. Ridiculously narrow windows, obstructed by fire. Walls built to repel invaders. Had the architects of this place not considered that this precious edifice, dedicated to Alouin, might be burned down?
One good point. We’d die of smoke inhalation before the flames reached us.
“Oh, gods. What do I do?” I whispered.
“Perhaps you could blast the doors off of their hinges?” the stain beside me said. “Who knows what type of barricade lies on the other side, though? If it’s made up of my whole, the bits of it that you throw could bounce back, hitting others, before clearing a path. Maybe… You could shade meld outside!”
“I won’t leave these people behind,” I growled.
How could they even think I’d-?
Rolling their eyes, the stain said, “Raimie. I wasn’t suggesting anything like that. Shade meld into the hall and break the barricade there, so they can escape.”
I could hear Dim’s added ‘stupid’, even if the word was left unspoken.
“That could work,” I said. “Thanks, Dim.”
Without panic making me desperate, the peace inside took control once more, but when I reached for my Daevetch source to start the plan, I couldn’t find it.
“Oh my me, really? You can’t use me until you put that away,” the stain said, pointing at Shadowsteal. “Touching it makes you one with the enemy whole, and it cannot abide you using my whole, not when it wants you to destroy me.”
Oh. Well, the ‘being one with the whole’ thing certainly explained a lot. Like why I could see Ele everywhere and in everything.
Thank Alouin that I’d worn my typical clothing, including my weapons belt and accompanying blades, under these ridiculous robes. I’d had a feeling I’d need to be armed over the course of my final efforts to free my new subjects.
Shrugging a useless garment to the floor, I drew Silverblade with my free hand, replacing it with Shadowsteal on my hip.
As soon as I’d release that sword’s grip, the world resumed its normal pace with confused cries and my leg’s howling pain enthusiastically greeting me. I slapped my free hand to one ear, hoping to block the babble, because it wasn’t helping with my search for my Daevetch source.
Of course, at that moment, the hall of worship’s windows shattered, making way for a storm of bottles filled with liquid fire. Bursting on impact, they ignited everything they touched, including members of the audience. Just like that, their bemused confusion flipped to fear, and like a mindless herd, the crowd stampeded toward the doors.
I sprayed an Ele wave in front of the leading line, subtracting from the store of it that Shadowsteal had drawn to my body. Seeing that, the crush of people slowed down long enough to listen to me, although I wasn’t sure how long they’d hold still with the agonized shrieks filling the air around them.
“Something’s blocked the door,” I shouted. “I need everyone to stay calm while I-”
A wail cut me off, probably because of what I’d said, which had just…
“Oh, well done, you,” Dim said with sarcasm dripping from them.
Exactly what I’d been thinking but I couldn’t snap a reply at them when several people had started rushing forward to try the doors, despite what I’d said. At the windows, others were frantically trying to squeeze through those small openings, although these people only retreated with glass-lacerated hands. In their blind dismay, a portion of the rest started hacking at the walls, occasionally wounding others with their wild swings.
Hell. Panic turned humans fucking crazy. How did I always forget about this?
“It’s his fault!” someone shouted. “Get him!”
How was it my….? Focus.
Thankfully, no one in the crowd seemed to have the courage or desire to attack a newly appointed monarch, much less one who was a primeancer, but they were plenty willing to do the same to my friends, family, and allies. My leg kept me pinned in place while Uncle Marcuset and Gistrick stood back-to-back against a rush of frenzied adversaries, Oswin and the Hand fought to reach me, and the Ada’ir delegation—including Dath, to my surprise—arrayed itself in a defensive position in a corner. Tanwadur disappeared beneath a swell of bodies.
And all around, the flames spread, as if fueled by this violence.
I scrambled for Daevetch so I could give these reckless, angry people a source of release, but from the corner of my eye, I caught Ren retreating from a group of crazed Eliskians, and any control I might have clung to was dashed to pieces. Without conscious thoughts, I was across the hall and carving through those who meant to do her harm. Wrapping her in my arms, I dove into the shadows.
Something new accompanied me as my scattered being floated between the world’s cracks. The strewn creature that I’d become gravitated toward its warmth, even while images flashed.
A frozen wasteland littered with black boxes. It was comforting. A desert oasis in the middle of a densely whirling cloud of sand. Completing. A village beneath a gaping wound in the sky. Encompassing. A black hallway with a sheet of shadows where doors should be. Thrilling.
No. Stop. That was our exit. Let us go.
The shadows spat me from their embrace this time, displeased by the taste of my guest.
The one who was shivering in my arms.
“What was that?” Ren whispered with her voice worn to a scratchy rasp. “Alouin, what was that, Raimie?”
I gently pressed a finger to her lips. Questions could wait. The people trapped in the hall of worship couldn’t.
Calling to the Daevetch barring the doors, I returned it in a blast that splintered their thick wood into slivers.
“Out, out, out!” I shouted.
A trickle of people stumbled out of the hall, coughing up a storm. They blearily paused in the threshold, as if unsure of where they should go, while the frantic crowd they were blocking threatened to bowl them over.
“This way!” I called.
As best I could with my limp, I led them to the closest exit, and they spilled outside, gratefully blinking at dazzling sunlight. The obsidian-cast palace shouldn’t catch fire like the hall of worship, but with the crowd outside, none of them would again be caught in flames, should the worst happen.
Already, guards were approaching the commotion. Once they figured out what was going on, they’d see the palace evacuated until the fire was extinguished.
Looking back, I wasn’t sure if anything could be preserved of the hall of worship. Fire licked along its walls, having already begun its feast on the roof, and given that, it wouldn’t take long for the structure to collapse on itself. The bonfires I’d spotted before have done their job.
Speaking of those bonfires, who’d planned this? Because it had clearly been planned. Fires didn’t start themselves, and the exit hadn’t been barred by happenstance.
Now that Doldimar had gone into hiding, few enemies threatened me. His Enforcers and Kiraak had vanished alongside their master, taking their danger with them, and almost no one else hated me or Auden enough to try something like this. Only the Dark Lord stood out as a potential suspect.
So, had this fire been his move? An attempt to kill everyone who opposed him in one fell swoop? If so, it had been ill-advised. Doldimar knew I could control Daevetch. He should also have known that said control would let me escape…
My thoughts came to a screeching stop. Behind the palace guards, a woman was strolling away from the drama with her hands in her pockets. By itself, her calm departure from the scene of this crime wouldn’t have raised my suspicions, but a hard Daevetch kernel was traveling with her, and that was fishy.
Without a word, I followed her as fast as my bad leg would allow.
Chapter 80: A Shockingly Easy Resolution
Raimie
I’d almost caught up when the stranger stopped, slumping.
“I wondered if you’d detect me,” she said.
Nope. Not going to comment on that one.
“Who are you?” I snapped. “Did you set the fires?”
“No, I didn’t.”
Turning, the stranger revealed a smirk set below two, black eyes.
“My Kiraak, on the other hand, are definitely to blame.”
“So, this destruction is of Doldimar’s making,” I said. “What’s he playing at? He must know that a trap like this wouldn’t ensnare Rhylix or me.”
With a mocking bow, the Enforcer said, “Merely another gift, King Raimie. He hopes you’ll sleep well, knowing how simple it would be to reach you.”
I took a step forward with my hands balled into fists.
“You can tell Doldimar that I’m sick of his ‘gifts’ when next you see him.”
“When I see him? Are you planning on letting me go? Alive?” the Enforcer said with her eyebrows soaring. “That seems… unwise.”
With a shrug, I said, “I need you to deliver my message. I don’t know of any other way I can communicate my utter loathing to him, so you’ll go free. I can’t, however, let you leave the way you are right now. You’re too useful of a tool in Doldimar’s hand.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the Enforcer asked with an amused smile.
“You’ll see.”
Shadowsteal works like Lighteater, yes? I asked my splinters.
“Correct,” Bright said. “It’s similar but opposite to Lighteater.”
Then, Dim? I need you to step back. We wouldn’t want you caught up in what’s coming next, would we?
With a heavy sigh, Dim said, “No, we wouldn’t.”
After dropping Silverblade, I drew Shadowsteal, freezing the world around me, and lazily strolled until I was almost nose-to-nose with the Enforcer. Searching those black eyes, I found no trace of humanity in her, only an empty husk that had been hollowed out by Doldimar and filled with Daevetch.
At her side, a stain on the world that I had no claim on silently watched me.
“Which aspect are you?” I asked it.
“The one that will destroy you,” it said.
Wow… smug bastard, huh?
From far behind, my own stain said, “That’s a piece of Death, Raimie.”
But they hadn’t sounded… happy. If anything, I’d heard resignation and despair in their tone, which… what? Had I somehow offended them?
I couldn’t deal with that now.
“Thank you, Dim,” I shouted. “Again.”
Hopefully, that would keep them at least moderately satisfied.
With a sniff, Death said, “I don’t understand the fuss about you. You’re infinitesimally insignificant. I’ll never know why your Chaos piece insists that you can right the disbalance in our war, just as I can’t comprehend why the whole would want a return to that equilibrium. We’re close to winning! Why would we want you and your weakness to force a retreat from total victory?”
That was… interesting. I wished I could ask about what this stain had said, but I wasn’t sure what it could do to me, even without its human to serve as a bridge. To be safe, I should quickly finish this.
“Thank you for your opinions, Death,” I said. “I truly wish I could change what must come next. I’m sorry.”
“What-?”
I stabbed the stain, and it had an instant to gasp before it exploded into dark shards that quickly faded to nothing. A shockwave cascaded from Shadowsteal’s point, down the blade, and up my arm, leaving it tingling, but more importantly, a choked gasp burst into the Ele-slowed world from far behind me.
Oh. That was why Dim had been upset.
“I am so sorry, Dim. I didn’t think…”
Gods. I’d known Shadowsteal would destroy the Death splinter, but I hadn’t considered what it would mean. What had the loss of that piece of their whole done to Dim?
I refused to face them, couldn’t stand to view my action’s consequences right now.
“You… you…” they croaked. “I knew you’d do it, but I still hoped…”
“Me too,” I said under my breath.
Behind me, I could hear their teeth chattering while skin roughly chafed against skin.
“Oh, mine old enemy,” Bright said. “I wish I could say I’m sorry, but all I can give you is my sympathy.”
“Just… return to what you were doing before. Please,” the stain moaned.
Fucking hell, the grief and pain in Dim’s voice…
Trying to ignore the dirty feeling crusting my skin, I marched back to my starting point before sheathing Shadowsteal. As the world sped back up, the Enforcer pushed her hand forward, as if to throw something, and when nothing happened, she drew it to her chest with a crinkled face. After a moment, color drained from it.
“What have you done?” she asked.
“Defanged you,” I said. “Get out of here. Go home. If you’re lucky, Doldimar will fix you.”
Stumbling backward, the Enforcer ran away, and while I watched her grow steadily smaller, I systematically packed my disgust for what I’d done into a little box. A swell of well-being wiped the remnants from my mind.
“Nicely done,” Nylion said.
Never once mentioning what he must have felt coming across our bond, he joined me in my observation with his arms crossed, careful not to touch me.
Thanks, I haltingly replied. I thought she’d attack before I could draw Shadowsteal. If she had, our odds against her wouldn’t have been high, considering my injury.
“Sometimes, we get lucky,” my other half said.
Amplified by Nylion’s reciprocating emotions, such a strong surge of relief rolled through me that I almost fell. I needed my crutch.
“Oswin, I’m going to assume you’re lurking nearby,” I said.
“You’d assume correctly,” Oswin said.
Strolling to my elbow, he handed off my crutch without a word, and I gratefully accepted it, releasing the Ele that I’d been using to keep pain at bay.
“Two things,” I said with a wince. “First, I need someone to tail that Enforcer. She might lead us to Doldimar.”
“Already done. I’m sure Little will enjoy the challenge, and he’s been eager to please since Qena,” Oswin said. “Maybe we’ll get results from him this time.”
“Good thinking,” I said. “Little does like his challenges.”
After a brief pause, Oswin turned to me.
“And the second thing?” he asked.
I rounded on the spymaster, my oldest friend. Given our history, scolding him might be difficult.
“You know that he would rather if you spoke up about it,” Nylion said. “If you let it go, he probably will not say a word, and it will hang over you both.”
I know, I said. It’s still difficult. But you know that.
At Nylion’s half-smile, warmth and comfort flowed to me, and I took a deep breath.
“We should discuss how an Enforcer entered the palace grounds without your knowledge, Oswin,” I said. “That’s a serious breach of security.”
As Oswin’s shoulders slumped, he suddenly found his boots fascinating.
“I’ve been trying to tell you, Raimie. Maybe it’s time I-”
“So this is where you ran off to!”
I needed to blink a few times; I’d been so thrown by Auntie Kaedesa’s appearance. Not even a fire and attack by mob could ruffle the queen’s calm, apparently, and somehow, she’d emerged from that disaster with perfect poise and not a hair out of place.
“We need to talk,” she said. “Alone.”
Great… I’d much rather head back to my gathered guests, seeing what I could do to help and otherwise dealing with the giant disaster that had happened, but considering the look on Kaedesa’s face, that wasn’t likely to happen anytime soon.
“I’ll get rid of mine if you get rid of yours,” I said, pointing at Pierdriel behind her.
Glancing back at him, Kaedesa paused in thought.
“They can keep one another company again,” she soon pronounced.
“Oh, no,” Oswin breathed beside me. “Raimie, please!”
Impishly grinning, I said, “A fantastic idea, Your Majesty.”
Oswin looked like he’d faint as Kaedesa and I abandoned him with Ada’ir’s Minister of Finance. We strolled along the cliffside with an uneasy quiet between us.
“So… that was a travesty,” I eventually said. “Are you hurt, Your Majesty?”
“I told you to call me by name,” Kaedesa said.
“Sorry.”
Gods, I hated using her name, though. It would be like if my mother had asked me to call her Samantha, absolutely shudder-inducing.
“Kaedesa, are you all right?” I said anyway.
She tightened her lips before veering from our course, making for the edge of the cliff. Once there, she dropped to the ground with her skirts poofing around her and her legs left dangling.
“Join me,” she said, patting the stone beside her.
I took my time with settling beside the queen. Beneath our feet, an abandoned neighborhood was spread. A short drop was all that stood between me and it, and the irrational desire to fall into its depths lured me to the edge. I shuffled closer, only stopping when another inch would send me plummeting.
Meanwhile, Nylion dangled even further with his plunge to the earth certain, if he were truly here.
Are you trying to remind me that I’ll never get to touch you in the waking world? I asked.
Glancing at me, Nylion smirked before tumbling over the edge to hang from the cliff by his hands.
“If I was in the waking world, I doubt that our bond would exist,” he said. “I think the loss of a body is worth if it means that I am you and you are me and we are we. Do you not?”
Oh, I wouldn’t give up our bond for anything, I said. Can’t help wanting to have it all, though.
Laughing, Nylion hauled himself back on top of the cliff, leaning into me, and with a palm covering my hand, he swung his legs into thin air. Gods, my other half amazed me, so happy even when trapped in our mind. He was so resilient and far too positive, given his circumstances, and I was lucky to have him, no matter what he might be. I… I thought I lo-
“Let’s talk about the wedding,” Kaedesa said.
Jerking toward her, I almost tipped over the cliff’s edge, clinging to stone to keep from falling. Once my heart stopped feeling as if it would tear itself out of my chest, I processed what Kaedesa had said and winced. Gods, but she was impatient.
“I’d like time to heal, if you don’t mind,” I said. “A month? Maybe two and we’ll be wed.”
Chuckling, Kaedesa threw a hand at me.
“See? That. That’s what I want to discuss,” she said. “Please, Raimie. Tell me why you’re stalling.”
Sharply, I returned my attention to the neighborhood below us and to Nylion, at the corner of my eye.
“I’m not trying to postpone this,” I said. “Circumstances simply…”
Placing her hand on my cheek, Kaedesa gently turned me toward her.
“Raimie. Why don’t you want to marry me?” she asked. “The truth this time.”
She forced me to meet her eyes, unwavering in her resolve, and trapped like this, I couldn’t lie. She’d recognize a mistruth in an instant.
And didn’t she deserve the truth? If we were to spend our lives together, our relationship shouldn’t be built on a lie.
“I’m in love with someone else,” I said.
And I wondered at the jumble of confused emotions that came from saying that.
Surprisingly, Kaedesa merely nodded, releasing her hold on my face.
“I thought as much,” she said. “It’s the half-Eselan girl, isn’t it? We were in life-threatening danger back there, and you went straight for her.”
Swallowing, I clenched my hands together with their bones painfully grinding against one another. Yes, I’d meant Ren but also- also-
I couldn’t think about that right now.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve tried to forget her, truly, but nothing’s worked. When she’s not there, an empty void nags at me, but as soon as she steps into the room, it’s as if lightning has struck. Suddenly I’m drunk on life.”
Hearing those words emerge, I winced. That last description probably hadn’t been necessary, only making my confession to Kaedesa worse.
“Yes, not the smartest thing to tell her,” Nylion said.
You’re not helping, I grumbled.
But he smiled, and I didn’t care anymore.
Kaedesa flopped onto her back, raising a hand to shield her eyes from the sun.
“The heart wants what it wants, Raimie,” she said. “Our brain may rail at that weak, fleshy thing as much as it wishes, but doing so won’t change what you desire. Trust me. I know from personal experience.”
“How do we do this marriage, then?” I asked, pointing between us.
Lowering her arm, Kaedesa draped it over her face.
“We… don’t,” she said with a sigh. “Wedding’s canceled, Raimie. I won’t force you into a loveless marriage, and if I’m being honest, something about the arrangement has never sat right with me. But I proposed it anyway, and look where it’s gotten me.”
In a blink, Nylion was on his hands and knees on the other side of her, looking up at me with panic in his eyes.
“You cannot let Auntie cancel,” he growled.
You think I don’t know that?
“Kaedesa… I need this marriage,” I said. “No, that’s not right. Auden needs this marriage. We haven’t recovered from what Doldimar has done to us, and honestly, Ada’ir’s support is all that’s keeping us afloat right now.”
Peering out from under her elbow, Kaedesa laughed at the look on my face.
“I’m not suggesting we end the alliance, merely the marriage,” she said. “Oh! And if you’ll occasionally allow me to serve in an advisory manner, I’d be eternally grateful.”
…What?
“What?” Nylion echoed.
“Why would you continue to offer us support?” I sputtered. “What advantage does that gain you?”
Kaedesa shot upright, glaring at me.
“I can’t do it because it’s what I want?” she snapped. “I like you, Raimie, and while I haven’t figured out how, I know we were close in the past. I want to help you. Plus!”
Grumpily, she crossed her arms.
“Helping you will give me an excuse to escape my pestering nobles and ministers.”
“And the real reason comes out!” I said with a laugh.
Thank Alouin she’d given me a way to evade our shared past. This conversation had been awkward enough without revealing that at one point, she’d literally acted as my aunt.
“Oh, hush,” she said, swatting my arm.
Seizing her hand before she could retract it, I said, “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
“You keep your heart for the half-Eselan girl. I’ll keep the gratitude,” Kaedesa said, smirking. “Good luck juggling her heritage with Auden’s prejudices, by the way.”
I leaned over the cliff’s edge. The empty neighborhood below was like a miniature playset beneath my feet, and if I squinted hard enough, I could see two-toned manes bobbing between empty houses.
“I’m working to change that,” I said under my breath.
“Raimie!” Oswin yelled from behind us. “Fire’s under control. They need you to explain how you broke out of a barred room.”
Groaning, I tossed my head back.
“If you’ll excuse me.”
“Have fun!” Kaedesa said with a wave.
As I hobbled after an already departing spymaster, I couldn’t help the beaming smile threatening to split my lips.
“That is one problem handled with little to no effort,” Nylion said at my side. “Who would have thought that all it would take to get out of that nasty engagement was a bit of honesty?”
Giving him a sidelong glance, I said, Are you poking fun at me?
“What? No!” Nylion said.
Deliberately stumbling sideways, he crashed into me, looping an arm around mine, and pressing our bodies together, he tugged us ahead.
“I meant it literally,” he said. “Thank the gods that we no longer have a marriage hanging over our head. Now, we can focus on Ren.”
Yes. Ren.
Before I could voice anything more, I caught up with Oswin.
“What did Kaedesa want?” he asked.
“She freed me,” I said.
Frowning at me, Oswin said, “What does that mean?”
I found Ren in the group waiting to be questioned by the palace guard, and when our eyes met, her face lit up, as it always did when we were together.
“You’ll find out,” I said with a smirk.
Chapter 81: What Are We Now?
Eledis
Why does the heart betray us so? Even when we know better, it returns, like a hopeless addict, to the one person we can never have.
At least it's good for business.
-Delia, Madam of The Innocent Angels, Misfar, minor Principality of the Southern Kingdoms
Someone had tried to kill us. Given that we’d survived the attempt, I should be grateful I was alive, but instead, the knowledge of an unknown person’s deadly hostility had rattled me to the core.
The palace guardswoman in front of me asked me to again describe what I’d seen and experienced while within the hall of worship, and I shivered.
Fire spreading like a plague. Flesh melting beneath liquid flame’s onslaught. Screaming, wild-eyed people, preparing to tear me apart. Kaedesa too far away to reach before the mass of peasants would descend upon her. Smoke building into a thick cloud, making my eyes water and lungs gasp.
None of which I could share.
“As I said, I found a corner to wait the chaos out in,” I drawled before coughing. “I knew the king would save us.”
After making some notes in her journal, the palace guardswoman snapped it closed.
“Thank you for your time, Chief Minister,” she said. “We’ve prepared a place for triage in the formal dining hall. I’d recommend having a healer listen to your lungs. Your cough sounds serious.”
Maybe if she hadn’t delayed me for so long, it would already have been treated!
Hush, now. She was only doing her job.
“Thank you, mistress. I’ll do that,” I rasped. “Please, keep me updated on the investigation.”
As she saluted, I wearily shuffled into the palace. The formal dining hall wasn’t far from the ruined hall of worship, so my trip was rather short, a pleasant turn of events for once today.
I took a route that intentionally avoided the scene of the disaster. The fire had been so unanticipated that I’d lost all sense of control for a brief span of time, and I couldn’t dwell on that unexpected sense of helplessness.
When I reached it, the dining hall was bustling with activity. Tables and chairs had been pushed against the walls to make room for lines of bedrolls and blankets, and several healers, both human and Esela, treated soot-streaked people, some sitting when they could while others lay down.
I found an empty chair, ready to wait my turn, but as soon as I’d gotten settled, my throat closed and my hands started shaking while my eyes burned. Pressing my traitor hands to my thighs, I closed my eyes, the only way I could hope to keep tears from falling.
“What you’re feeling isn’t weakness. It’s your body’s natural reaction to shock.”
Jerking my head up, I gaped to find Rhylix standing over me, and at my discomfiture, his typically biting gaze softened.
“How are you alive?” I gasped. “I saw a bottle hit you! You went up in flames.”
Displeased with my outburst, my lungs sent me into a coughing fit, and I doubled over.
“Let’s get you looked at, old man,” Rhylix said.
When I could breathe again, he handed me a mug of water, which I gratefully accepted, downing it within seconds.
“I need you to breathe deeply,” Rhylix said. “If we can get enough clean air into you, the coughing fits should stop.”
Inhaling, I held it for as long as I could before letting air rush back through my nose.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I rasped. “How are you alive? Why aren’t you burned to a crisp?”
As if he hadn’t heard, Rhylix went to refill my mug.
“You’re lucky that only your lungs are plaguing you, Chief Minister,” he said when he returned. “Most of those waiting for a healer’s touch are suffering from severe lacerations, at the least, and trust me, you wouldn’t want to see those who were afflicted by liquid fire.”
Handing me the mug, he met my eyes.
“We moved them to another room to avoid further traumatizing our other guests.”
I chose to believe the water sloshing over my mug’s rim was a sign of my recent shock and not any other type of fear I might suddenly be feeling.
“Have you considered how this disaster will reflect on your grandson yet?” Rhylix continued. “You’ll have your hands full with spinning this investiture story into something positive. How will you twist it so that our new king’s reign hasn’t begun with fire and death?”
I pursed my lips. Much as I hated to admit it, the Eselan was right. This unmitigated catastrophe would require all of my political savvy if we wanted to start a new rule of law on the right foot, and I’d need to work quickly before rumors spread. Given that, I didn’t have time to uncover the truth behind what I’d seen in the hall of worship.
“Don’t think I’ll forget about this,” I hissed. “I will eventually figure you out.”
“I’m sure you will,” Rhylix said, curling his lips.
Before I could scathingly retort, a hush fell over the dining hall, save for the clack of wood on tile. From the far side of the room, Raimie limped toward us with ash dusting his hair and face. Those white and gray particles had ruined whatever Ring had done to improve the boy’s countenance. Now, his pale skin and the contrasting web of blue beneath it had been revealed for all to see. He was leaning so heavily on his crutch that I worried it might snap from the pressure, and he was so completely out of breath that it took him a few heartbeats to speak after he’d stopped.
“Is everyone all right?” he wheezed into the silence with genuine concern in every syllable.
I almost laughed out loud, covering it with a cough at the last second. Of all the people gathered here to see a healer, Raimie might need one the most, but for some reason, no one else seemed to be sharing my amusement. Wide eyes stared at the kid with something bordering on awe.
Trotting forward to rescue his friend, Rhylix helped him to a chair, and as soon as he’d sat down, the Eselan had his hands on Raimie, placing the back of one on the kid’s forehead while resting the other on his injured leg. Rhylix’s strained voice was raised in volume, and as if prompted by the noise, the dining hall filled with conversation once more.
Curious, I sidled closer to the young people, hoping to catch some of their conversation.
“-needed to see it for myself,” Raimie was saying. “I’m amazed they saved as much of it as they did. I thought for sure the hall of worship would be a smoldering ruin by day’s end.”
“You should have stayed with the group, not wandered off,” Rhylix said. “I went looking for you after I finished pulling the wounded out of the flames. Imagine my fear and total lack of surprise to learn that you were nowhere to be found.”
“What was I supposed to do?” Raimie said. “Let the Enforcer who started the fire go unchecked?”
Enforcer? One of Doldimar’s top lieutenants had been on the palace’s grounds? Where?
“Did you kill them?” Rhylix asked.
He wrapped a blanket around Raimie’s shoulders and at the kids’ weak protests, yanked it closed in front of him.
“Take it,” he snapped. “You’re shaking like a leaf. How you’re not out cold is beyond me.”
Raimie made a face.
“Yes, healer,” he said. “In answer to your question, the Enforcer’s alive, well, and leading us to Doldimar. I destroyed her Daevetch splinter, though, which should make you happy.”
So, Raimie had no proof of this ‘Enforcer’s’ existence.
“Which way did she go?” Rhylix said. “Maybe I can catch up before-”
“Rhy, one of the Hand is managing it,” Raimie said. “Tracking the Enforcer was a last-minute idea anyway. I need you here, helping me with the real plan.”
The ‘plan’, meaning something in reference to those two’s ridiculous belief that Doldimar would eventually return? I shook my head at that foolishness.
As the years had passed, I’d thought Doldimar’s return had been increasingly unbelievable. At the time of his disappearance, he’d had more than enough strength to wipe us out. Given enough time, Raimie and his army could have chipped away at the enemy’s overwhelming numbers until the kid had held the upper hand, but he’d insisted on bringing the game to an early conclusion. Again, the Dark Lord could easily have countered us in taking Elisk, but he’d inexplicably allowed it.
When the capital had changed hands, Doldimar had presumably had the same number of Kiraak as he’d had before Raimie’s assumption of control. If he’d attacked while the realm had still been in disarray, he would have, again, crushed us like bugs, but every year, the people of Auden gained strength. I found it unlikely that Doldimar would strike now that his former subjects would fight tooth and nail for the taste of freedom they’d enjoyed.
“Did you make a visit to the hall of worship after your Enforcer detour?” Rhylix asked.
Shaking his head, Raimie said, “Kaedesa caught me after that. We talked.”
I went very still with my heart thrumming in my chest and short breaths flicking through my nose.
“Did you tell her about Ren or… the other one?” Rhylix asked.
“About Ren, yes,” Raimie said with a grimace. “She made me.”
And?
“What did she say?” Rhylix asked.
From his blanket cocoon, Raimie looked up at his friend with the most radiant smile I’d seen from him in a while.
“She broke off the engagement,” he said. “I’m free, Rhy.”
The room’s motion slowed down as my eyes widened. Forgetting to breathe, I scanned faces, and failing to find the one I sought, I drifted out of the dining hall in a fog. I traced a familiar route until I stopped inside of a long hall with a high ceiling and frescoes painted on its plaster walls. Glass doors in a far corner stood open, and edging onto the balcony outside, I chewed at the inside of my lip.
She was leaning on the railing with her back to me. A breeze swayed her hair to and fro, and even though I knew the sun still reigned supreme in the sky, a mirage of her in a stunning gown, silhouetted by moonlight, filled my mind.
But no, she’d changed into her typical jerkin and leggings, and the sun was beating down on her with sweat soaking her clothes.
“I hear the wedding’s canceled,” I said.
“Mm,” Kaedesa hummed. “You were right. Marrying Raimie would have been wrong.”
I waited for more, for some sort of explanation, but nothing was forthcoming.
“Does that mean you’ll soon leave for Daira?” I said with a dry mouth.
“I’ll stay for the royal wedding that’s sure to come,” Kaedesa said, “but after that, yes, it’s back to court.”
No. She couldn’t go back. I needed her here.
“I suppose that means I won’t get those promised meetings between the queen and her Chief Minister,” I said. “Does your engagement’s end suggest that Auden should start looking for new trade partners?”
When she heard that question, Kaedesa’s shoulder started shaking, my only clue that she was restraining laughter. Or perhaps tears?
“The alliance is as strong as ever, Eledis,” she said. “Now that I know Raimie doesn’t hate me, as I feared, I’m more determined than ever for his infant kingdom to succeed. He’s a sweet kid.”
She faced me as the wind picked up, whipping her hair around her face, and my breath caught.
“Don’t you worry,” she said with a beatific smile. “We’ll have plenty of meetings still.”
Twitching, my lips tilted upward of their own volition, and I struggled to contain my surprise. A genuine smile? After so many years? How was it that she could still do this to me?
“How did you find me, Eledis?” Kaedesa asked. “Even I didn’t know where I’d end up when I started wandering. I was trying to get lost.”
Swallowing hard, I lied, “I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to get lost too.”
I joined her at the balcony’s railing. From here, one could see Elisk in its entirety as well as the plains that filled its hill, and far distant, haze obscured the mountain ranges that shielded the city from storms.
“What a beautiful view,” I said, leaning on the railing.
From the corner of my eye, I watched Kaedesa lean over as well, and we silently enjoyed the view for what seemed like mere seconds. I wanted it to last for hours, for this moment to stay forever fixed in time, but Kaedesa wouldn’t allow it.
“I’m going to tell you a secret, Eledis, because I expect that you’ll keep it,” she said, breaking the spell. “For some unexplainable reason, I know you’d never intentionally harm me.”
Shrinking away from her, I yelped, “Never!”
“That’s what I just said,” Kaedesa said with a chuckle.
She bit her lip with her eyes growing distant.
“I have a secret affliction, a malady that plagues me with every passing day,” she said. “I struggle to remember… well, everything.”
Oh, Alouin. Was she really doing this? She was opening up to me again, which was… fucking wonderful, but about this?
“I live only in today with my yesterdays wiped away when I sleep,” Kaedesa continued. “As you can imagine, this doesn’t wear well on a queen, so I’ve learned to adapt. In our time together, you may have seen me writing in journals? Those books are my memories, and I keep them close to heart.”
She withdrew a slim, leatherbound journal from beneath her jerkin’s collar, which made my heart twist.
“I record what I can during the day, setting aside the journals that I believe will be most relevant for the next before bed, and in the morning, I read them. Sometimes, memories return when I do this, but more often than not, I must trust that what I’ve read is factual."
“Unfortunately, this system has its problems. I constantly question whether my enemies have tampered with my writings, leading me to wonder if my ‘memories’ are true. Also, keeping my memories bound in paper presents a host of additional difficulties. Individual journals can get lost, dropped in water, or otherwise destroyed, but the number of those lost in these ways has never been significant, even if it does occur."
“The reason I’m giving you such a sensitive secret is because recently, I’ve concluded that at some long-forgotten point, I knew Raimie, his father, and you. I want to know how."
“I won’t ask Raimie about this. He’d never betray me, but I don’t want my secret to taint any advice that I might give him. I can’t ask Aramar. No one’s seen him for over two years. That leaves you."
“So, tell me, Eledis. Am I wrong? Did we meet before converging in that shabby inn in Sev?”
Oh, ‘saya. If she only knew. Alouin, how my heart ached.
“Following our exile, the monarchy of Ada’ir harbored the Audish royal family for generations,” I said, “which means that Raimie, Aramar, and myself did enjoy your hospitality at one point, as you might expect. In exchange for that safe haven, we became your eyes and ears. Shortly after King Belqarim’s death, Aramar served you as your Hand’s spymaster, as I did for another king, and before we left Daira, Raimie was training to take on the role, but something… happened that forced us away."
“When we disappeared, you made no mention of us. Ada’ir’s court must have assumed that we’d earned your displeasure somehow, angering you enough to earn banishment. After all, you were quite vindictive toward the start of your reign, Kaedesa. After our disgrace, your nobles acted as if we’d died, never mentioning us, which came as no surprise to me. That behavior had heavily factored into our plans. So, you forgot us.”
This news didn’t seem to shock Kaedesa. If anything, she looked pleased with herself for recalling people that sleep should have erased.
“What happened?” she asked. “Why did you leave?”
That answer would require a complicated answer. I’d have to tread carefully.
“Circumstances changed,” I said.
Nylion had become a problem.
“We needed to disappear and couldn’t have you pursuing your negligent spymaster once we had.”
Because if she’d done so, Nylion might have woken up.
“Aramar and I knew about your malady.”
Best not to mention Marcuset at this point. Aramar could take the hit for something he’d never participated in. If he hadn’t wanted that to happen, he should have resisted when his son had sent him away.
“We scoured every journal from your archives about us, removing every scrap of that information, and burned it all.”
I’d never regretted something so much in my life, or in this part of my life, at least.
If the first revelation had done nothing to Kaedesa, the second one ruffled her composure.
“Is this why I wanted to murder you the first few times we met?” she asked. “Since Sev, I mean.”
No.
“Yes,” I said.
“What about Raimie?” Kaedesa asked. “Did he participate in this… violation?”
“No. Even if we’d asked, he wouldn’t have. He was very fond of his Auntie,” I said with a grimace. “Besides, even if he had joined us, Raimie would only recently have remembered it. He has his own set of problems, ones that would have temporarily concealed knowledge of the act from him.”
“Interesting,” Kaedesa said, obviously latching onto a potential subject change. “Two monarchs with memory problems have somehow gained power in their separate nations.”
“I never said that Raimie was cursed with memory problems,” I said. “Just that he has his own set of challenges to face.”
“And I assume you won’t share what those are,” Kaedesa said.
I shook my head, but she’d understand why I’d refused her. Revealing the secret of Nylion would be like presenting the bullet needed to assassinate Auden to her on a silver platter. Never mind that it would be a breach of Raimie’s trust. I wouldn’t threaten the realm’s security like that.
I’d answered her questions as truthfully as I could, and now, I needed only wait for her pronouncement. Years ago, Marcuset and I had betrayed her trust, burning away knowledge of dear friends and family members. Would those actions ripple to the present to wreak their consequences?
“Did the need to disappear manifest because of a threat to your family?” Kaedesa asked.
She looked thoughtful, which was a good sign. Maybe she wouldn’t murder me?
“Yes. Most definitely, yes,” I said. “We’d never have left otherwise.”
Nylion continued to threaten us to this day.
“Then… I suppose I can’t fault you for what you did,” Kaedesa said, “although I wish you’d taken the journals you burned with you instead of destroying them. That way, I could read them, now what I know who you are to me, but I guess we can always make new memories.”
Hell. In all the times I’d imagined this moment, I’d never thought this would be the outcome. It had been my secret dream, the one I’d never let myself think about, but here it was. Here she was, and she didn’t hate me. For now.
“There you go again, assuming the men in this family have brains,” I said.
Giggling, Kaedesa covered her mouth with one hand, and I found myself genuinely smiling again. She knew. I didn’t need to feign distance with her. What a weight dropped from my essence.
“So, what were we back then?” Kaedesa asked when she could. “Monarch and vassal? Friends?”
Such a good question. What had we been? At one point, we might have been tightly entwined, but I didn’t know if that closeness held true to this day, so I decided to give her the most honest answer that I could.
“The greatest of allies.”
Chapter 82: How Reality Works
Rhylix
Getting Raimie into bed had required far too much pleading and cajoling, but somehow, I’d managed it, despite the sheer number of people who’d been crying out for help in the dining hall. The healer in me had been loath to abandon so many men and women to their wounds. I couldn’t imagine what leaving that room had done to my friend, a man who often went out of his way to help complete strangers, but doing so had been absolutely necessary.
When Raimie had limped into the dining hall earlier today, I’d nearly lost my composure, both as a healer and a friend. In all my years of living, Raimie was quite possibly the most frustrating patient I’d ever had to deal with. He not only refused to rest, as his body required, but had the power needed to make sure no one compelled him to do so.
When he’d woken up in Qena, Raimie had ordered the march home to start with no delay, pointedly ignoring my protests, and with the Qenans quick to offer us the use of a wagon, any support I might have had from the soldiers for an imposed delay had vanished.
Since his injury near the Qenan tear, Raimie had spent one day unconscious, two weeks traveling, and four days in bed, so continually interrupted by people consulting with him on last-minute changes to the investiture ceremony that I couldn’t, in good conscience, call it ‘resting’. And today had brought its own chaos.
So, of course, Raimie currently looked worse than on the day he’d nearly bled out, and of course, I’d had a minor panic attack in the dining hall. The first person who’d called me a friend in centuries had wobbled on his crutch, the precursor to a bad fall, and my heart had stuttered to a stop.
Even now, fitfully sleeping as he was, Raimie was the picture of death. I was keeping watch over him in the sparse room that my friend had taken as his own, leaning against a wall with one arm hugging my chest.
“Can I please fix him?” I breathed. “I could Restore only his leg. It wouldn’t cost Ele much.”
Sitting at the base of the wall beside Raimie’s bed, Creation said, “Feel free to do as you like, but don’t expect the whole to come to your rescue after you acquire his injury. Can you afford to spend a month as weak as he is? What happens if Arivor returns in that time?”
I couldn’t hold it in anymore. Over the last few years, my defenses against the rage inside of me had worn down, and this inability to fix Raimie had become the final shove needed to shatter them. I had to speak up, to let the question that had haunted me since coming to Auden spill over.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, keeping my voice down with difficulty. “I know, Ele’s retreat begins with me, but why? Aren’t there better ways to conserve its power? Why not keep splinters for awakening more primeancers, for one?”
Biting their lip, Creation shifted to a more comfortable position, drifting their eyes across the room until they landed on me.
“The whole’s abandonment of you was the deal that I and several sympathetic splinters made with those who had other, more malevolent designs for you,” they said.
For a handful of seconds or maybe minutes, I gaped at Creation with heat building in my chest until it was a blazing inferno.
“I don’t know where to start with that,” I growled. “First of all, malevolent designs? It’s not bad enough that until the end of time, I’ll be kept from death and compelled to repeatedly murder my oldest friend?"
“Second, sympathetic splinters? How do they know enough about me to be sympathetic? I know splinters report on their primeancers to the whole, but I didn’t think you did the same with me, Creation. I thought your only job was to keep me on the straight and narrow-”
Gasping, I ground my teeth together, refusing to consider the changes that I’d thought I’d seen in our relationship. Maybe those changes had only been on my end. Maybe Creation was the same as they’d always been, and I’d been imagining things.
“Lastly, a deal?” I snapped. “Are the Ele splinters disagreeing with each other? Is that even possible? And if a deal was to be made, why wasn’t I consulted?”
As my barrage of words stopped, Creation tightly hugged their knees with hunched shoulders.
“Report on you? Is that what you think happens when I return to the whole?” they whispered. “No. When I leave the physical plane, I’m incorporated into aspect Creation, and the whole assimilates my experiences here. I don’t get a choice in the matter, and as I’ve said before, the longer I’m there, the more oddities that I’ve absorbed from you get scoured from me."
“That cleansing is why I’ve acted like such a stuck-up, self-righteous ass in previous cycles. Back then, you only let me into the physical plane when you needed me, which wasn’t much. You never gave me enough time to pick up mannerisms from you. Stuck on the other side, I monitored you as best I could.”
The room had started going red. A drowned-out, rational part of me recognized this warning sign, knowing I needed to calm down. When the Champion of Ele lost his temper, it never ended well, either for me or for those who’d stoked my wrath.
Such a wild loss of control hadn’t happened in centuries. The only close call had been when I’d nearly been forced to torture someone in Da’kul, with Raimie.
Rational Rhylix didn’t want to travel further down this path, but I’d already crossed a line. Anger had sunk its claws in me.
Still, the feebly small, clear-headed part of me struggled to once more buck the approaching storm of rage, one that would end with me standing over a pile of groaning, broken bodies again.
“You decided to answer that question out of everything I asked? The one of least importance, the safest one for you? Just—”
I dismissively waved.
“—go away, Creation. I can’t deal with you right now.”
While leveraging their head to stare at me, Creation otherwise looked like a statue.
“…You want me to return to the whole, after what I’ve just told you?” they asked in monotone.
“I suppose that would be… cruel, wouldn’t it?”
As pity splashed into my wrath, I choked off further words. Those two sensations made for an odd combination, and in the midst of experiencing it, I wondered if I shouldn’t take back what I’d said.
“Yes, Eriadren. Yes, it would be,” Creation said, “but don’t worry. I’ve learned a few tricks over my years with you, and I’m sure you won’t keep me there for long. I shouldn’t have changed when you call me back. Much.”
They popped out of existence, and despite fury’s loosening grip on me, I balled my hands into fists.
What had Creation expected? The game had changed, and they refused to explain the new rules or the reason for this alteration. Had they thought I’d be happy with this unexpected shift?
For a short time, all I did was breathe. In and out slowly, focusing my thoughts. The red around me receded, and while anger still bubbled beneath the surface, I was in control.
When I was no longer teetering on the edge, I found that I could think about what Creation had said. Lingering questions snagged at me, but I doubted I’d be able to pry answers out of Creation. Years had passed since their initial revelation, and I’d learned nothing new about my loss of power. Since my attempts with my ‘babysitter’ had gone nowhere, I should try a different tactic while the splinter couldn’t interfere, but what else could I do?
“I’ll feel incredibly stupid when this doesn’t work,” I said, mostly to myself, “but can we-?”
“Talk?” Order interrupted, popping into view at the head of Raimie’s bed. “Of course we can. What do you want, Eriadren?”
Wow… that had actually worked.
“Have I always been able to do this?” I quietly said.
“Summon others’ splinters into view? Yes. Maybe if you’d allowed your curiosity free reign at any point since the first cycle, you’d have discovered the skill by now,” Order huffed. “What do you want?”
“For one thing, I’d like it if you Ele splinters would treat me with any modicum of respect. Your air of superiority gets tiresome,” I said through my teeth. “Would using your manners kill you, Order?”
“My name is Bright, thank you,” the Ele splinter hissed.
“I’ll call you Bright when you call me Rhylix!”
On the bed opposite me, Raimie mumbled incoherently, rolling over, and both the splinter and I went quiet, sharply watching him for further signs of waking. Raimie only took up a gentle snore once more.
Relaxing, I considered Order. I hadn’t talked with Raimie’s Ele splinter much, which was why I’d gone on the defensive after their first irritable question. Experience had taught me that splinters of Ele had an overbearing aura of arrogance or disdain, both of which I poorly reacted to. I couldn’t say whether Raimie’s splinter would follow suit, but at the least, Order and I had one point of common ground to build on, a human we both strove to protect.
“Perhaps we started off on the wrong foot,” Order said. “Forgive me for my less than congenial behavior. Raimie has spoiled me when it comes to taking orders from primeancers and- and from you, apparently.”
That… made a lot of sense. Raimie had never been comfortable with telling people what to do, so why wouldn’t he be the same with splinters? And I knew that splinters didn’t enjoy their primeancers ordering them around, although how much they disliked it varied.
See? This was why I needed to stop making assumptions. Order hadn’t been acting like an asshole. They’d been aggravated about something I’d done.
“I’m sorry I reacted with sarcasm. Truly,” I said. “I’m unused to splinters behaving in anything less than a holier-than-though manner.”
“We can be rather snobbish when we’ve been away from the physical plane for too long,” Order said, “but enough of that. I assume you had a reason for requesting my presence?”
“I need answers to questions,” I said. “I was hoping an aspect other than Creation might be willing to share them with me.”
“We won’t know until you ask, will we?” Order said.
Their bland features contorted into an approximation of a smile, all while they sat on the bed. Once gracefully perched there, they started playing with Raimie’s hair, watching their fingers pass through those strands with a softened smile.
That was interesting. Was Order fond of their human? How rare.
“Fair enough,” I said with a shrug. “So, first. Creation has mentioned that Ele’s consensus is to use me for some purpose that they seem repelled by. They said that they and several other splinters have dissented from this accord which has led to a precarious compromise."
“My questions are as follows. How is Ele, the force that encapsulates harmony, in discord with itself? And what fate is so ghastly that Creation would rather have me suffer the slow leak of what sustains me rather than having me submit to it?”
Order wordlessly stared at me with their smile dropping into a flat line.
“Creation hasn’t told you?” they eventually asked.
“They avoid the subject every time I bring it up.”
“That little-” Order growled, trying to strangle the air. “Creation was supposed to tell you!”
“If they were, they’re taking their sweet time about it,” I said.
With a frustrated yell, Order slumped on themselves, supporting their forehead with their hands.
“I suppose it’s become my job, then,” they said with a sigh. “How wonderful for me.”
Straightening, they hopped out of bed before pacing the room.
“In answer to your first question, yes. The whole can disagree with itself by means of its splinters,” Oder said. “The vast majority of us stay incorporated on a permanent basis, maintaining the whole’s purity, but those of us who are sent into the physical plane develop qualities that we never could while within it. The whole relies on our… unique perspectives to combat our enemy, although this only happens when both wholes exist on this plane, attached to you mortal beings.”
Ele and Daevetch on this plane…
“Are you saying that the existence of splinters and primeancers in this world is my fault?” I asked. “Neither Ele nor Daevetch would have broken into the physical plane if my experiment hadn’t caused a breach.”
Pausing, Order poorly contained a laugh at the look on my face.
“Don’t worry about that. Our existence here is hardly your fault,” they said. “This isn’t the only iteration where we’ve embedded ourselves, and besides, Alouin split much larger breaches into this one when he and his people fled from their failing iteration.”
Itera….? What? Why had Order mentioned Alouin? And what in the void was an… iteration?
It didn’t matter. I couldn’t let the splinter’s strange jargon sidetrack me.
“So, Ele lets a part of itself become impure in order to learn new and more efficient strategies to use against Daevetch?” I asked.
Gods, that was a difficult concept for me to warp my head around, especially when Order tilted their hand back and forth while making a face.
“An accurate, if… crude, summary,” they finally said. “Splinters sent to the physical plane are supposed to check for signs of excessive corruption within themselves, returning to the whole for correction when needed, but on occasion, some of us deliberately ignore that responsibility. Only when the situation warrants it, of course, or if one’s mortal…”
Looking back at Raimie, Order shook their head.
“Only when the situation warrants it,” they repeated.
“You and Creation…?” I asked, pointing at them.
“Among others, yes.”
I’d spent millennia alive and was only now beginning to figure out how Ele worked. How short-sighted had I been in previous cycles to ignore this?
“Don’t go self-flagellating on me, Eriadren,” Order said. “You’ve performed admirably for a flawed Eselan, stuck in what must seem like a curse. Blaming yourself for this mess hasn’t encouraged your natural curiosity, and your quest’s start with the deaths of Lirilith and Sepiala scarred inquisitiveness out of you, I know.”
I sucked in a breath. It was funny how that loss still burned brighter than the others. I’d lost so many parents and siblings to the Eternal War, and those first two were still a burning brand, jabbed into the festering wound of my heart.
One would think that after so many years, it would have healed but no. Maybe this lingering agony persisted because at the time of its infliction, I hadn’t yet mastered compartmentalization, or maybe it lashed against me because they’d been the family I’d chosen, not the one I’d been assigned.
Who knew? All I could do now was reject a swell of uncontrollable grief, repressing the memories of Lirilith and a tiny bundle of joy that I’d have ripped my heart out for.
“What about my other questions?” I gruffly asked.
Watching me, Order looked so melancholy, but as soon as they noticed my attention on them, they glanced away, resuming their pacing.
“Do you know why the whole has retreated?” they asked.
Didn’t that question have a simple answer?
“Because Daevetch is winning, no?” I said.
“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Order said, grimacing.
Holding one hand level with the floor, they raised another to a stop just below the first.
“Beneath the physical plane’s skin, both wholes persist in eternal conflict. This, you know.”
Order turned their hands so that they were perpendicular to the floor. Slapping them together, they drew the two apart, leaving behind a softly glowing bead of Ele.
“On the same level as the wholes, a single locus exists, endlessly spread along the front where the two meet. This is the balance point."
“During this cycle, you may have heard Creation talking about a shift in the balance? That expression wasn’t merely a curious way of expressing a power shift between the wholes. The balance point that has for eons, kept us in check is in the process of failing, and when it eventually ruptures—”
The Ele bead went out, and Order slapped their hands together again, hard enough to make me jump. Looking at their clasped hands, the splinter shuddered.
“—an end to all things.”
Glancing between Order’s hands and their face, I waited for more, but when they merely continued staring into nothing, I cleared my throat.
“That seems a bit dramatic,” I said.
Brought back to reality, Order gave me a sour look.
“Tell me, Eriadren, what happens when two opposite meet? They repel one another, is that not correct?” the splinter asked. “All of reality, your iteration and the others, exist with miniscule measures of both wholes within it. The balance point serves as a… barrier, if you will. What do you suppose would happen if that barrier vanishes and the two primal opposites, ‘Ele’ and ‘Daevetch’ as you lot call us, truly meet for the first time?”
For a brief flash, a thousand variants of Arivor’s corpse were sprawled at my feet, and the rusted-red tinge of my oldest friend’s blood stained my hands. Even with my need to break me and Arivor free of our curse, even given how much I’d once cared for him, I couldn’t stop myself from killing my friend, and that was because of an all-encompassing enmity for Daevetch’s Champion.
“The end of all things,” I breathed.
Grimly nodding, Order said, “When the balance first shifted, my whole, being what it is, began looking for a solution to this problem, and the enemy, being what it is, went on the offensive, intent on taking every advantage that it could get. That is why my whole has retreated. From a desire to heal, not harm.”
“Fascinating,” I said with a dry mouth. “What does it have to do with me?”
Wincing, Order stopped short, fixing their eyes on the ceiling.
“You were one of the proposed solutions,” they said. “Some of us argued to send you into the balance point once this cycle has finished, but you don’t need to worry. Creation and I joined with several other aspects to convince the whole that an attempt like that would be futile. You’d be torn apart the moment you entered the balance point.”
Gods…
At least I understood why Creation had avoided the subject now. The healer in me longed to fix this wound at the world’s core, and the scientist hungered to worry at the problem until it unraveled for me. In short, the splinter had known that I would find this conundrum irresistible.
Had Creation been protecting me?
“You said one of the proposed solutions?” I said.
For the first time this evening, Order seemed reluctant to answer. Wringing their hands, they shifted in place as if ants were swarming under their feet.
“In all honesty, only two were put forth,” they said with a strained voice. “The other one-”
“-isn’t something he needs to know,” a third voice growled as it entered the conversation.
Order looked intensely relieved by the interruption, but I recoiled with my retreat blocked by resin-coated obsidian. In my haste to withdraw, that resin ripped against my back, drawing blood and making my breath catch.
Meanwhile, Order cringed before the fury of the splinter that had joined us.
“What are you doing?” Chaos hissed. “Our agreement requires his ignorance! He’ll ruin the plan if he learns about it.”
“I know! I’m sorry. He’s just-”
Glancing at me, Order clicked their tongue before hugging themselves.
“There’s something irresistible about him.”
“I resist my whole every day that I work with you. Not attempting your annihilation takes everything I have, but I resist the urge for the greater good, which I honestly don’t give a shit about, but also for the continuation of our eternal conflict,” Chaos snarled. “You can do the same with this poor reflection of your whole.”
While Chaos battered Order with its indignation, I fought to keep from gagging at an unexpected influx of Daevetch into the room, which had the splinters’ words floating nearly unheard past me. I flicked my eyes to Shadowsteal, resting against a wall.
Raimie had asked me to return the weapon to Eledis before he’d fallen asleep, but I hadn’t done it yet, too absorbed with ensuring my friend had undisturbed rest tonight. Thank the gods for my delay! With Shadowsteal here, now might be the perfect and only opportunity to free Raimie of Chaos’ influence. After hiding my palm in my cloak’s cuff, I reached for the elegantly crafted blade, drawing it from its plain scabbard.
All the while, Chaos reprimanded Order, unaware of the danger to it.
“How could you come so close to ruining our plan?” it hissed. “I can’t believe how weak you are! You displayed such strength when you defied your whole’s consensus. Presenting an alternative to it goes against everything you are. I know. I did the same. So, why abandon that strength now?”
“I already apologized, cretin!” Order snapped. “What more do you want?”
“For you to help me with carrying this team!” Chaos yelled, throwing its hands above its head. “I realize that it might take time to regain your former vigor after your destruction and reassembly, but our human’s automatic reliance on me when we’re near a minor rip in reality has begun to annoy me, not to mention all the other, completely uncomfortable ways I’m keeping you stable.”
“I answered our human before you when he was approaching the reality rip near Qena,” Order said.
“But I’m the one who, in essence, saved his life once we were standing beside it!” Chaos shouted.
“I’m doing the best I can!”
As if prompted by the cry, Raimie shot upright like a puppet jerked into motion by its strings. His surprisingly focused gaze sidestepped the splinters to land on me, where I was lunging for Chaos.
“Do not destroy my splinter,” he said.
Chapter 83: Meeting Him
Rhylix
Raimie's monotone demand to leave his splinter be echoed in the room around me. I stopped my swing just short of Chaos, gritting my teeth to resist what was compelling me to finish the strike. Beside me, Creation popped into existence, apparently summoned by my dilemma, and after taking everything in, they zipped forward to lay a hand on my wrist.
“Leave Chaos alone, Eriadren,” they said. “The dimwit’s a necessary evil.”
Their words granted me the necessary tenacity to force my muscles into sheathing Shadowsteal.
“Thank you,” Raimie hissed, relaxing ever so slightly.
Oh gods, I’d woken my friend up.
“I’m sorry, Raimie. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” I said. “And I’m sorry about Chaos. You know how I get about anything related to Daevetch. The temptation to get rid of it was overwhelming, but I have a handle on it. You can go back to sleep.”
Hesitantly, Raimie pulled his feet back onto the bed, but he paused before lying back down, clearly fighting with himself about something. Constantly flicking his eyes to me, he opened and closed his mouth a few times before nodding to himself.
“I am not Raimie,” he said.
Confusion rankled my apologetic demeanor. Had my friend taken a head injury today?
“That’s not funny,” I said. “I know you need rest but-”
Raimie flinched, deepening my confusion, and as if to add to it, Creation sat beside my friend, meeting my eyes.
“Where is Order, Eriadren?” they asked. “Truly look at this man who’s wearing your friend’s body. Is he Raimie?”
I didn’t know how Creation had noticed before me, but Raimie’s splinter of Order had indeed vanished. Even when I told the splinter to make themselves visible, they didn’t appear.
In addition, Raimie had unquestionably changed. The kid had adopted an easy confidence that also managed to radiate fragility and his eyes! Gods, their pupils were enormous!
I leaned down to check on them, concerned that I’d been right about a head injury, but the kid’s jerk away from me brought me up short.
“I am not Raimie,” he repeated in a trembling voice.
Abruptly, I remembered everything Raimie had told me outside of Qena and the many conversations that had taken place on the way home to Elisk. I remembered Raimie acting like an arbiter, speaking for Nylion. The kid had tried so hard to scrub anything ‘abnormal’ from what Nylion had said, but I’d caught how extraordinarily shy that unseen conversation participant had been.
I remembered what I knew about people who were ‘many’, like my friend.
And I hazily remembered when a man disguised as my friend had rescued me from three people who’d been trying to beat me to death: how careful he’d been when handling my injured body.
“Nylion,” I said.
With an uncertain smile, Nylion said, “Hello. This is not exactly how I wanted to meet you.”
Crouching, I made myself shorter than the other man, which seemed to relax him, but of course it did. I wasn’t sure how yet, but given everything I knew, whether about Raimie or because of certain… other knowledge, it was obvious that Nylion had been badly hurt by someone or something in the past. If I made myself look like less of a threat, perhaps the kid could relax, at least a little.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get the chance,” I said with a smile, “but I’m glad it’s happened. I think this is how people greet one another in your homeland.”
I extended a hand, and flicking his eyes between it and me, Nylion cautiously shook it. Gods, such fear in him!
“I don’t mean to offend,” I continued, “but where’s my friend right now?”
“Dreaming in the shared space we formed years ago,” Nylion said. “He is perfectly intact, although our body may not be receiving the rest you wish.”
Right. I’d forgotten about how often the singular pronoun got replaced with the plural in cases like this.
Repressing a shiver, I glanced over who was sitting in front of me, a body so familiar to me moving in ways that were completely foreign to it. Nylion was saying something, I thought, but I was too distracted by watching someone else manipulate those well-known features to hear him at first.
Which was stupid.
“Chaos, do you not think you should leave while you have the chance?” Nylion drawled with his face starting to pinch. “If he decides to attack you again, I doubt I could stop him.”
Making a soft, choking noise, the Daevetch splinter popped out of existence.
“There,” Nylion said. “We are alone. At least, I believe it is so. I cannot tell if your babysitter is tailing you now or not, after all.”
I kept a smile on my face, despite the shock of hearing Creation referred to as ‘babysitter’ by someone other than myself and Raimie. I hadn’t considered it yet, but how many of my secrets had Nylion learned from my friend? Could I trust him? How often was he awake and watching behind Raimie’s eyes?
“Will you not speak with me, or shall I continue conversing with a statue?” Nylion snapped.
So, he did have some backbone. Good.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to ignore you. I’m sure you’ve had enough of that in your life,” I said. “It’s just a little strange to see Raimie so—”
I waved a hand at Nylion, wanting to slap myself even as I said.
“—not Raimie.”
Tensing, Nylion said, “I cannot help the body that I have been trapped in. I hope you can look beyond the distraction of these familiar features and see me.”
He’d sounded so mournful, which only made me want to slap myself harder. Hell, I wasn’t doing a good job with this meeting Raimie’s ‘other half’ thing.
“I have no trouble seeing you, Nylion. Please, don’t let my ease with being an asshole bother you. I’m not good at… this,” I said. “Did you have a reason for taking control of your body, besides stopping me from destroying Chaos? Maybe a continuation of a topic we were discussing while on the road? Or did you want to discuss what you and Raimie have been doing recently? Not that it’s any of my business! Only… you can talk to me about anything you like, is all.”
Nylion looked thoughtful, doing that starting and stopping of speaking thing again.
Eventually, he said, “In this time of powerful magics, you would have destroyed my only means of defense, Rhylix. Prowess in combat will not help us when a Daevetch primeancer can slap us, swiping our head off of our shoulders in the process.”
Ok. Interesting choice of topics.
“Even without Chaos, you’d have Order to protect you,” I said. “Right?”
I’d never thought about how splinters would work when two people occupied the same body. Would they use the same ones?
Obviously, Nylion had attracted the same Chaos splinter, but what was to say that he’d done the same with an Order splinter? Maybe he’d attracted Perpetuation or a splinter of another Ele aspect.
“No…”
Nylion looked like he’d leave it there, but he barreled forward instead.
“Raimie would retain Ele’s protection. I would not.”
And my eyes widened. Oh. OH. Was that why Order or any other Ele splinter wouldn’t come when I’d called? Were they quite literally absent?
“You’re solely Daevetch,” I said in a hollow voice.
Cocking his head, Nylion furrowed his brow.
“I thought Raimie had told you. It is why I never mentioned it while traveling,” he said. “He has shared everything about you with me. I wonder why he failed to mention my deficiency. Was he afraid for me?”
He might have had need for that. Despite my rational brain screaming for me to stop, I shot to my feet before unsheathing my sword, touching its point to Nylion’s neck, but then, I hesitated. What the godsdamn fuck was I doing? This person I’d almost shoved steel through was a part of Raimie, my friend.
But he was also Daevetch. It invoked a roiling firestorm, one that tore through my guts and to the back of my mouth. I remembered feeling something similar when Reive had tied my adoptive nephew, Rafe, to a stake for the crime of surviving his illness.
It wasn’t merely hatred. No, it wasn’t even loathing. It was abhorrence, a repugnance so severe that simply looking upon this visage made me taste bile and a salty, metallic tang.
And I didn’t know why this could be, besides Nylion’s association with Daevetch. Why was I having this strong of a rection to a single Daevetch primeancer?
Nylion’s mouth was moving in increment, and seeing that, I recognized Shadowsteal’s cold grip in my hand. No wonder the flow of time had slowed to a crawl. Fortunately, I knew how to remedy my skewed since of time, having learned centuries ago how to manipulate the damn blade’s granted skills from the one who’d forged it.
Closing my eyes, I found the glob of soft, mushy tissue in my head that controlled my perception of time. Once discovered, I isolated it from the ocean of Ele, flowing in currents through my body. Outside, the soft shuffle of a passing guard’s feet quickened to a standard pace, and something rustled through sheets with Nylion once more speaking.
“What are you-? Rhylix, stop! Please, for gods’ sake, stop! I do not want to- Raimie would be destroyed if I-”
Hastily, I removed Shadowsteal from his skin, returning it to its scabbard. When I opened my eyes, I found Nylion against the far wall, huddled into a ball but with Daevetch coating his fists, and despite how much my stomach roiled at that awful presence, I spread my arms.
“I won’t hurt you,” I said. “Nylion, I’m not going to touch a hair on your head. I’ll swear it by whatever you want me to.”
This went on for quite a while with me repeating my assurances and Nylion staying in his corner, almost catatonic. Eventually, though, he slowly unfurled, shaking.
“Why?” he asked.
Godsdamn. Hear the raw pain in that voice! It was worse than I’d thought. Someone had fucking shattered Nylion’s spirit.
“I’m always like that when Daevetch gets involved,” I said. “I’m sorry. I am.”
Nylion wouldn’t respond, merely arranging himself on the bed, and the quiet stretched for so long that eventually I had to speak.
“I think I was also being protective of Raimie. Sometimes, keeping him safe gets overwhelming, and I don’t know how you protect him yet. I was hoping-”
A gasp stopped me short, seeming to suck the air from the room, and the spark in Nylion’s eyes looked like it could jump free, burning up the entire palace.
“You have no idea what I have suffered for the heart of my heart, what I gladly relinquished to spare his youth,” he roared. “NO FUCKING CLUE.”
That ended in a squeak, and in Nylion, I saw such unbridled hurt and fury that it might hold a candle to mine. It made my heart break.
I’d only meant to ask about the methods Nylion took in keeping Raimie safe, hoping to find a source of connection with him, but… looking back on what I’d said, I can see how poorly phrased it had been.
“I’m sorry. Really, Nylion. I am sorry,” I said. “I only meant… you can talk about it, if you want. I’m happy to listen in whatever way you’d like. Whatever you need.”
I lifted my hands, wincing inside. Gods, I’d fucked this up. Badly.
And I didn’t know how to fix it.
“Get out, Rhylix. Get out before I do something I will regret,” Nylion eventually said. “Raimie and I need sleep.”
Nodding, I said, “I will. Can we… maybe try this again? Another-”
“GET OUT!”
Swallowing, I spun before bursting through the door. On the other side, I panted, simply thinking for a moment, before repeatedly smacking my forehead. What in the void had that been? Gods, what would I do when Raimie learned about how badly that had gone? I’d only had the best of intentions, but as usual, I’d gone about having a delicate conversation in the wrong way. Damnit! I’d known I should have stuck with simply gaining his trust first, like I’d done with Raimie. Stupid, stupid-
“I will have Order speak with your friend,” Creation said beside me. “Please, Eriadren. It’ll be ok. Once he understands what happened, your friend can persuade Nylion to speak with you again.”
Taking sips of air, I slowly calmed down. I’d have to believe Creation was right because if I’d ruined the only friendship I’d had in centuries…
I focused on the energy in my system, an insistent beat that begged me to move, no, dance, no, sprint down the palace’s halls and up countless stairs. When Shadowsteal’s granted store of Ele burned to nothing, I was standing in one of the palace spire’s pinnacles.
Elisk and the surrounding plains stretched for miles in every direction, only blocked by the mountains to the south, and I could see it all. The gas-fire lit city quarters that grew in number every day, the sporadic pinpricks further afield that indicated farms. All were proof that humanity and in some rare cases, Esela inhabited these once dark lands.
It wasn’t enough, and it never would be. The world was too wounded (I was too wounded) for this small defeat of the darkness to balance the scales. Eventually, a disaster would come to destroy this scene of beauty. It was inevitable, as I would inevitably fall prey to the backlash right when tentative peace was born. I’d die, entering a war-torn world again, and at the thought, my eyes burned.
Damn these emotions. They wouldn’t make me a blubbering mess tonight, no matter how badly I’d failed all day. Keeping Raimie safe and healthy. Meeting Nylion. Gods. When I’d accepted emotions’ return all those years ago in Allanovian, I’d made a promise that they wouldn’t manipulate me. Look how well I’d kept it.
A new light flickered to life below me and in the opposite spire. What was someone doing in the palace’s zenith this late at night?
Shifting my eyes to resemble an eagle’s, I kept watch on the illuminated floor until Oswin wandered behind a window, distractedly waving a hand while talking to himself. The spire he was pacing around must have been bequeathed to one of the primeancer schools, and Oswin, being the night owl he was, seemed to be making plans for dormitories or perhaps a classroom.
Maybe the world was wounded beyond repair, but I knew that despite any melodrama I might occasionally indulge in, I was not. Every time someone worked to right an injustice, further promoting the causes of knowledge and understanding, an iota of the wound that was me healed and scabbed over.
I was the head of the Ele primeancer school. I should probably be helping Oswin.
Shifting to a hawk, I flew from one spire’s pinnacle in the direction of another.
Letter: Wife
Wife,
It is done. Our spy, our Emir, is in position, and I am become nothing more than an escort. First, I delivered beloved Illasaya, perhaps the only woman who holds the power and sympathy needed to free the Esela from human domination, and now, our son has been given into the hands of a brat.
That’s what he is, wife, despite your visions otherwise. After this last visit, I’m done with giving him the benefit of the doubt.
We’ve given the Audish king too many years and chances to change, to abandon his pride or see anyone other than himself or his family as significant. If he’s our only hope against the danger that threatens our people, then we are well and truly doomed, and I can’t help but think that it’s your fault for not seeing a better solution.
I’m sorry, my love. I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean any of the anger you may have read here. My frustration is reserved for the new king of Auden, who’s had me waiting in this dark fortress, haunted by the ghosts of long-dead Esela, for weeks. He’s delayed our meeting at every turn, and I need to tell him about the storm that’s coming, but he refuses to hear me. I’ve begun to despair.
While on the way to Auden’s capital, Emir and I did something foolish. You told me to take him straight to Elisk, but on our journey, we decided to detour to Rastchaka, a last hurrah between father and son before we sacrifice those roles for the world’s safety.
He had been there. When sounds of festivity failed to greet us as we approached, we knew something was wrong, but what we found there… Oh, my love. I can’t bear to repeat it. Suffice it to say that I’ve seen our future, and it is bleak.
Please, my love, abandon your belief in your visions. Abandon the humans to their well-deserved suffering. Let me take you and Emir over the mountains that the Matvai call home. Let’s run north, further than anyone’s gone before. Doldimar’s reach can’t extend that far, can it?
Chapter 84: All I've Wanted, Part One
Raimie
After a solid month of resting in bed, I was quite finished with lying around, thank you! Hand in hand with Nylion, I strolled to my next meeting while Thumb trailed me with a happy hum.
Of my injuries, only a slight limp continued to plague me, but I was beginning to think it probably would for the rest of my days. It was the price I’d pay for rushing home to arrive before the investiture.
If all I suffered from was a limp, the cost would have been worth it. Despite my complaints and dread, I’d discovered in the last month that I thoroughly enjoyed being king. Sure, the role came with immense responsibilities and headaches, but it had also let me help vast swathes of people. The moments when I could approve a plan to repair Auden’s road system, knowing full well that doing so would provide jobs for thousands of displaced people, outweighed the drag of long meetings with Eledis beforehand, hours that we’d spent analyzing where we’d allocate the funds to pay for the project.
Take today for example. Yesterday evening, Rhylix had declared me fit for my first day of receiving supplicants. Despite the truly despicable people who’d been interspersed with those in need, listening to my subjects describe their troubles before asking for aid had been ridiculously energizing. Each problem had presented a new challenge, some of them easy and some difficult to solve, and where I couldn’t come up with an immediate solution, I’d offered what help I could instead.
Today’s final errand awaited me, and once it was done, I could move on to the day’s personal task, the one I’d anticipated with both fear and excitement since waking up this morning.
I paused for a moment in front of my office’s door, letting butterflies settle.
“What do you think? Still presentable?” I asked Thumb, waving at my body.
Looking me up and down, the spy shrugged.
“You look like a king to me, sir,” he said, “or at least, your pattern of one.”
So reassuring. Out of all the Hand, Thumb had never been the most proficient at echoing the sentiment that a moment might require.
“You look fine,” Nylion said, rubbing my shoulder. “Go on. Show them what sort of king we mean to be. Again.”
Taking a deep breath, I breezed into my office. Someone had returned my carefully organized book stacks to their shelves. My bedroll had long since been cleared away, and my desk had been pulled to the side, replaced by a short table and chairs.
At the table, two people were waiting for me. Eledis was sitting on the chair furthest from the window wall, unable to keep still as he darted glances at its glass. Next to him, Vasnavai Dyomina lounged with her feet on the table while tossing a knife, end over end, into the air.
“I hope I haven’t kept you waiting for long,” I said.
Hopping up the stairs, I ignored the dull ache in my thigh, and Dyomina clunked her chair’s legs to the floor, staring at me. I wondered what had caught her interest, but on seeing the placement for the last chair at the table, I almost laughed aloud.
Without hesitation, I trod onto the glass that made up half of the raised dais’ floor. At that, Dyomina’s mouth fell open, but she totally lost control of it when I raised a foot and smashed it into the glass, making Eledis flinch.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “It’s stronger than it looks.
Giggling, Nylion circled Dyomina, making faces that I barely kept from laughing at, and on taking a seat, I scooted forward until the table met my stomach with a mile-long drop yawing beneath my feet.
“I believe this is yours.”
Retrieving an ivory-handled, black blade from my belt, I offered it to the Vasnavai.
“When did yu-?” Dyomina said.
“I stumbled on some free time while my healer thought I was sleeping,” I said with a shrug. “I thought you might need proof that I was the one who borrowed it last time, since I didn’t personally return it to you. Please. Take it.”
Dyomina hesitantly reached for the dagger, replacing it in the empty sheath at her back.
“I see I made right decision coming tu dead city,” she said.
Ah, yes. The Matvai and their peculiar desire for nature all around them, even when they were sleeping.
“I trust your accommodations in the gardens have been suitable,” Eledis said.
“Indeed. Very much su,” she said. “Yu shuld congraetulate yur gaerdener. Did maegnificent job.”
“I’ll pass your appreciation along,” I said.
Although doing that probably wouldn’t be fun. While he hadn’t been hostile toward me, Rhylix had been distant since the investiture, probably because of everything that had happened that night. Having heard about those events from both parties now, I’d decided that both Rhylix and Nylion had been idiots, meaning to ignore the conflict until the two decided to fix it for themselves, but that hadn’t made my friend comfortable when around me.
“Shall we get to signing?” I continued.
Eledis produced a stack of paper as if by magic.
“Here is the proposed treaty,” he said, sliding it to the Vasnavai.
She took her time with reading it, as she should. While she did, Eledis jittered his foot against the floor while darting glances at the sky, which was rude, but what was I supposed to do about it? For my part, I returned to the more complicated problems that today’s supplicants had brought to my attention.
Trade between Auden’s many towns was currently scarce to nonexistent because no one could agree on a standardized price for everyday goods. I didn’t want to stifle free trade, but I wasn’t sure what else a monarch could do to alleviate such a problem, besides setting the price by law.
Economics had never been my strongest subject. I’d received a thorough education in it, but something about the way money worked on a macro scale soared over my head. Perhaps this problem was best relinquished to Eledis, who could discuss economic theory with gusto until someone stopped him.
Then, there was the pirate problem, raised by representatives from coastal villages. Apparently, pirates had been raiding along the coast for the last six months, flying black and green colors. They’d taken their attacks a step beyond the typical pillaging that pirates reveled in—which could be horrible enough when taken too far—going so far as to kidnap young, healthy children from their homes. If these pirates were the infamous Serpent Pirate Crew, as I thought they were, then I had only one guess about what had happened to the children. That Crew was renowned for its ample supply of merchandise, all to serve the Southern Kingdoms’ slave markets. I'd hoped I'd seen the last of them during our brief battle with them while making the crossing to Auden
Several parents had come with their towns’ mayors to appeal for my aid. They’d cried for their lost children, begging for someone, anyone to bring their loved ones home or if possible, to avenge them.
I wanted to answer their pleas, but what could I do against pirates? As of yet, Auden had no navy. The ships that I’d taken from Ada’ir had long since been returned to their rightful owner. While I might have an army to guard coastal towns with, it wasn’t expansive enough to accomplish that duty while also patrolling the roads, fighting bandits, and searching for Doldimar, along with every other task I’d assigned them.
“You could always handle them yourself,” Nylion said, circling me to perch on the table.
With a faint smile, I subtly walked my fingers along the tabletop until they were tangled with Nylion’s. His suggestion was wise, but I didn’t know how I’d execute such a plan. The pirate’s point of origin was unknown, and I didn’t own a boat.
“You are the king of Auden, heart of my heart,” Nylion said with a laugh in his voice. “Commandeer one. As for the pirate base’s location, it cannot be far, considering how often they are raiding. The only landmasses that are large enough to sustain the settlement they would require are the three islands not far from Nephiron. The pirates could also be sailing from beyond the mountains, but I find that scenario unlikely. Nothing but frozen wastes lie to the north.”
Could what seemed like a complicated problem have such a simple solution? I couldn’t wait to find out. If this one had been unraveled so easily, perhaps others would be too, given time.
“Everything is in order?” I asked.
“Am asking for quill to sign with, nu?”
“Fair enough,” I said with a laugh.
Eledis presented the requested item, and after signing the bottom of the treaty’s final page, Vasnavai Dyomina slid it to me. I followed suit and in so doing, opened a trade avenue for Auden as well as linking my people with the Matvai.
“If finished with straenge Audish custom, maey we drink?” the Vasnavai asked. “Would like to celebrate our agreement by shaering glass of vodka.”
“Forgive me, Dyomina, but I must beg off,” I said with a grimace. “I have a personal matter to take care of this evening, but perhaps we can drink tomorrow.”
“I’ll huld you tu it, King Raimie,” Dyomina said.
When she stood, I followed her example, bowing as she made her exit.
Once we were alone, Eledis asked, “So, you remain intent on this foolishness?”
“I haven’t changed my mind since the last time you asked,” I said.
“This is a mistake…”
Gods, to be done with those ominous warnings. I knew how risky what I was doing tonight would be.
“Thank you for your opinion, Eledis,” I said, “but I believe I’m late for my next appointment."
With Nylion laughingly sprinting ahead of me, I raced out of the room, forcing Thumb into a run. I hadn’t been lying to my grandfather. My presence was required in the gardens by sunset, and the Sun was steadily approaching the horizon.
I wasn’t so far behind schedule, however, that I’d use Ele for speed. Not only would that be a waste, but it would leave Thumb behind, something I wasn’t the least bit tempted to try tonight.
I needed to make one stop before heading to the gardens. Taking a slight detour, I noisily rapped on my intended door once I’d arrived, and Ring soon answered, temporarily returned from her tour of Auden. She yanked me inside, slamming the door in Thumb’s face.
“Clothes off,” she demanded.
Already tugging on my jacket, she pulled me further into the room, and I slapped her hands off of me, skittering away from her.
“What are you-?” I said, blushing. “Ring, I don’t think-”
“Oh, Alouin, he’s modest. Of course he is,” Ring said under her breath. “Don’t worry, sir. You’re not my type. Please, take your clothes off. I need you in there.”
She pointed at a large tub, lugged from somewhere else in the palace and filled with sudsy water. Bent almost double, Nylion was snickering beside it with one hand covering his mouth.
“Please, this reluctance cannot be because of me. I have seen your every scar, heart of my heart,” he said. “And you should know that Ring does not want you in that way. She has ever been like our sister, in a way.”
I know that, I said. I can’t be sure if she does, though.
“A bath?” I asked Ring. “You want me to take a bath?”
But I must have already known the answer, given how I was fumbling with my jacket’s buttons.
“Trust me. It’ll be appreciated,” Ring said.
Thankfully, she faced the wall while I peeled off my uniform. I wasn’t exactly self-conscious of my body, but… there were parts of it that were less than ideal, through no fault of my own.
As I climbed into the tub, I made a face. Its water was lukewarm, a testament to how long my duties had run over today, but despite that, I sank in with a sigh.
“You can work your magic now,” I called.
Rolling up her sleeves, Ring strode toward me, soon sopped my hair with suds while I scrubbed my body down. Once I was finished, I climbed out of the tub, dripping water everywhere, and after I’d dried myself off, Ring handed me my new uniform. As I dressed, I noted the changes made to it.
On the collar, two embroidered dots—one black and one white—sat on the uniform’s midline. For years, I’d fought to have no insignia assigned to me, despite how much that might single me out at the same time, and while it couldn’t be helped in some cases, such as when a realm forced its throne upon me, I’d refused to accept visible symbols of my unique position.
I’d set aside my personal feelings about this, however, after my first meeting as king with my new ministers. During that meeting, I’d revealed my intention to organize a primeancer school, which had not gone over well. In the end, my ministers had made me agree to a single stipulation before approving my plan: a uniform and unique insignia to distinguish the school’s students from the average Eliskians and palace residents.
I despised the idea of differentiating people I’d promised safety to, especially when they already faced a constant threat of violence. Why make them stand out to norms who might harm them? But I couldn’t otherwise convince my ministers to finance and support an institution that I hoped would one day become a primeancer haven.
Singling out my fellow Ele and Daevetch users while concealing myself, however, had turned my stomach. So, when the next opportunity had come to have a new uniform tailored for me, I’d asked to have the primeancers’ insignia added to it.
I’d thought it would be big and gaudy, something to draw the eye, but this—I touched the bumps at my neck—I could live with this. Small, subtle, ignorable unless one knew what to seek, they could easily replace the lack of insignia that I’d grown fond of over the years.
The other change came in my weapons. My ragged belt had been replaced with freshly oiled leather, and my swords’ scabbards also shone as if recently fashioned. A line of obsidian ran down their bodies, glistening against leather, and caps of solid silver covered their chapes.
Yes, that was right. Scabbards, as in more than one.
“Why is this here?” I asked, dangling Shadowsteal between two fingers.
“Because it is ours?” Nylion said. “And we should be wearing it now.”
As she straightened my jacket’s hem, Ring said under her breath, “It was requested, sir, and we wouldn’t want to disappoint, would we?”
Making a face at them both, I buckled the cursed sword to my hip, trying to ignore the feel of it adding to Silverblade’s weight.
I knew what came next, so it was without prompting that I carefully folded into a pulled-out chair. Ring took a razor to my hair, smoothing it back with syrupy paste once she’d finished cutting it. Coming around to face me, she retrieved a kohl pencil, and I winced. I tried very hard not to blink or flinch while she lightly darkened my eyes’ outer corners before brushing the pencil’s tip across my lashes. Leaning back, she pursed her lips.
“Best I can do,” she breathed, slapping her knees. “Get out of here, sir, and good luck.”
“Thank you,” I said through a suddenly dry mouth.
I left her room in a rush, brushing past Thumb.
“You certainly smell nice, sir,” he said with a smirk, “and you’re carrying Shadowsteal. How delightful!”
Whirling, I poked a finger in the spy’s face.
“I will have you assigned to the most boring guard detail I can find if you don’t silently follow me to the gardens,” I said. “Am I understood?”
If anything, that widened Thumb’s smirk, but he nodded his acceptance.
And what do you think? I breathed.
I’d noticed Nylion eyeing me since I’d dried off, so I was more than a little nervous that my other half found something about this new ensemble off-putting.
“I think…”
Hurrying along the corridor, I glanced at my other half, confused about what I was feeling over our bond. With unfocused eyes, Nylion grinned at me.
“I think that I have never wanted a man but you…”
Sighing, Nylion hugged himself.
“You look nice, heart of my heart.”
And I smiled.
Chapter 85: All I've Wanted, Part Two
Raimie
When Nylion and I reached the gardens, the Sun was kissing the skyline. Thumb took up watch on the outskirts of Elisk’s mini forest, there to keep unwanted intruders at bay.
I headed for the gardens’ cliff side, in the opposite direction of the Matvai delegation’s campsite. Such bad memories lingered here. A loathsome mass of human remains was mixed in with the soil underfoot, but hopefully, what happened today would supplant the dark images currently floating in my head with brighter ones.
The tree line broke up ahead, and I flung a hand up to shield my eyes from the Sun’s piercing rays. Between my fingers, I noted the sky had acquired a rosy hue, and evening’s daily magic sprang to life, turning the air itself into a picture of beauty. Soon, dusk would fall, ending this enchantment, but we had this quarter mark of perfectly-pitched glow to enjoy first.
When my eyes had adjusted, I lowered my arm before sucking in a breath. Ren was grinning at me from the cliff’s edge, and I’d never seen anything lovelier. She’d arranged her black hair in loops and whirls with straggling strands dangling to frame her face, and light beamed through it, haloing it with an orange bloom. Ring must have painted her face at some point because black was rimming her gray eyes and her lips were apple red.
She was wearing… I wasn’t sure what she was wearing.
A shiny, black fabric sheathed her body, accentuating every curve, but over that, a gossamer-thin, white fabric was delicately floating. Entangled in this outer layer, Ele bundles twinkled at me.
I raised questioning eyes to my friend. Rhylix was tense, probably due to his proximity to the nearby cliff, but he set aside his fear to acknowledge my curiosity and shake his head. If my friend wasn’t supplying the Ele in Ren’s dress, who was?
“Gods, she is beautiful,” Nylion said, “but… why is she making that face?”
His question and the tilt of Rhylix’s head toward Ren had me focusing on her again. Her smile had begun to falter, which had my heartbeat skipping, and in an instant, I was beside her, clasping her hands.
“You’re stunning,” I said, stabilizing her grin.
“Not bad yourself, hot stuff,” she said. “It’s illusion work, by the way. The dress is, I mean. I don’t have access to a full-blood Eselan’s magic, but what I can do, I’m damn good at, as you can see.”
Yet another example of why I loved her. Recognizing my curiosity, she’d known it would gnaw at me until she explained. Leaning forward, I kissed the tip of her nose.
“Thank you.”
Ren flushed a dark red, incoherently mumbling.
“I guess that means both of you are sure about this,” Rhylix said with a laugh.
Raising an eyebrow, I mouthed at Ren, ‘Even with Nylion?’
We’d discussed my other half in excess over the last month, including the recent developments between us. Those talks had been awkward and halting, and I still half-expected her to run away from the conundrum that was me.
But she simply smiled and mouthed.
‘Even then.’
So together, Ren and I said, “I’m sure.”
Which of course, sent us into a giggling fit, one that had our hands tightening around one another, and Nylion hesitantly laid one of his over the bundle for a brief second before withdrawing. I wanted to call him back, but before I could, Rhylix rolled his eyes.
“Sickeningly adorable,” he said. “If you can control yourselves, we can begin.”
He gave us two, blood-red sticks, each a few inches long.
“When you’re ready, break the package,” he said, “but be aware that once the process has begun, nothing can stop it. You’ll be Joined for life.”
Accepting the proffered item, I asked, “You’re sure this will work?”
“You survived a Joining with me in Allanovian. This one will be far more intense and permanent, but I see no reason for it to fail,” Rhylix said. “Why? Having second thoughts?”
None. Meeting Ren’s eyes, I lifted a slender stick, distilled from her blood, and after breaking it, I breathed her in.
Her life rushed by in fits and starts. Most of the pauses involved her brother.
Rhylix, telling her impossible stories. Rhylix, amazing her with displays of white light. Her, admonishing Rhylix’s supposedly invisible shadows.
A few I’d already seen.
She clings, sobbing, to the brother she thought long dead.
Others, I hadn’t.
Kylorian twirls her in a circle, peppering her head with kisses. Dury praises her for her accuracy with throwing knives. An unfamiliar boy whispers sweet nothings in her ear before silencing her giggle with a kiss, and she succumbs to long-repressed passion.
A bittersweet lash had accompanied the last two. The first of these, I understood. After the beating he’d received during the investiture, Tanwadur was still clinging to life, and Rhylix had privately told me that the leader of Tiro’s prospects were grim. Of course sorrow accompanied the joyful memory of her adoptive father. It easily overshadowed my own vindictive pleasure at that horrid man's change of fortune.
As for the second, I was at a loss. I couldn’t help my own, irrational flash of jealousy, even knowing the memory had come long before me. Perhaps that relationship had ended poorly, and its disastrous culmination was why Ren viewed what should have been a happy memory with an odd mixture of regret. Curiosity nagged at me, but it was swept away by the insistent flow of her memories.
Surprisingly, the ones that lasted the longest centered around me.
She follows the strange boy, hardly daring to hope, and caresses the hilts of her eshvik for when he proves himself a liar. Once more, the boy nearly trips with his clumsiness almost amusing, and a smile tugs at her lips. Eventually, the boy drags her name out of her, and soon after, a pop breaks the forest’s stillness. Someone pins her to a tree, but before she can resist the hold, her new enemy’s face registers. It’s older, more weathered, but definitely her brother. The boy didn’t lie.
She watches Raimie practicing his forms in the sand. His level of blade mastery is impressive, considering where he comes from. Leisurely running her eyes over the uniform that he’s wearing, she can almost imagine him as a fabled soldier from the old Audish army. In the middle of a spin, Raimie notices her, and as if prompted by her presence, his form adapts and changes, shifting into a graceful dance. For some reason, this has her heart quickening in her chest, but Rhylix has to go and ruin it, yelling for Raimie’s attention.
As she tells him about how his soldiers survived the recent battle, Raimie’s eyes glisten. Their wellbeing genuinely concerns him, and that depth of compassion gives her the courage that she’s been seeking over the last few days. She pulls him to her, and when their lips come together, she knows. He’s the one she’ll spend her life chasing.
A series of snapshots followed.
Introducing Raimie to Sigemond, her closest confidant. Hiking outside Tiro’s walls while listening to him ramble about this forest’s similarities to his homeland. Watching him grow to love her country and her people, slowly incorporating more of them into his ‘family’. Wondering what tragedy befell him that he needs a replacement for his blood kin. Joining him in morning training sessions and laughing when her triumph in sparring contests surprises him. Working to surmount the ever-present barrier that prevents her initial touch from eliciting anything but fear. Relief that he wants her despite the harm she did to him and the years that have passed. Her heart in her throat when he returns from Qena in a wagon and she thinks him a corpse. Furtive meetings during his recovery where they make plans and he talks about the other man in his head.
The Joining should have ended with those memories. Rhylix had taken samples from each of us soon after those meetings, one he’d thought I was stable enough to part with more of my life’s blood. It didn’t conclude, however, moving beyond that last memory with ease.
A dreamlike state spilled over me, and I became Raimie-Ren, a state that I was quite familiar with, if not with her. We watched our loved one emerge from the jungle, squinting and shielding his eyes, and oh, he was beautiful. Ring had done a marvelous job. We’d have to thank her for it later, especially for convincing our stubborn man to wear the sword that he loathed. We knew that eventually, he’d need Shadowsteal, and despite his reluctance, he needed practice with it if he was to survive Doldimar’s eventual return.
That was a time far into the future, though. For now, our man lowered his hand and blinked at us, and we blushed at the look passing over his face. With the sun shining directly on him, we knew how he must feel. We needed him to move closer, closer, so we could oh-so-carefully caress his face, complete the Joining, and find somewhere quiet where we could be alone together.
The scene skipped, and he stood across from us, absently holding the broken ends of his powdered blood stick. His eyes were wide with his face slack, and we momentarily worried that the Joining had fried his mind, despite our brother’s assurances, but his brilliant, blue eyes soon focused on us. Stepping closer, he leaned down and oh, oh, OH! All was right with the world because we were one and we’d never need anything but each other and… and… one more of us. The world and its problems could die with a whimper because together, we were stronger than the world.
The world must have taken offense to that thought because it lurched. Suddenly, solitary Raimie was kissing solitary Ren, and while this felt nice, it was a faint shadow of what we’d been. We broke apart, gasping, and steadying us, Rhylix chuckled.
“That was…” Nylion whispered nearby. “We had that when we were children, did we not? It is like that one time in your study. Heart of my heart, we have to-”
Get it back, I growled. We HAVE to get it back.
Abruptly, my bad leg protested how long I’d been standing on it, and I wobbled in place. Rhylix helped me to the ground with Ren kneeling beside me.
“Give it a moment. You’ll feel like you’re back to normal soon enough,” Rhylix said. “And congratulations. By Eselan standards, you’re married.”
His footsteps retreated toward the palace, leaving us alone. The Sun’s crown had yet to disappear behind the horizon, and while dusk steadily encroached on us, it hadn’t erased the play of colors in the sky. I offered Ren my hand, and she curled hers around it, scooting closer to lean against me. We stayed there for a while, watching the sunset, until I gathered the courage to speak.
“I hate to ask this, given what just happened,” I said. “But I need… I have to…”
I couldn’t finish the request, but Ren merely squeezed my hand.
“You need to speak with him privately?” she asked. “I don’t mind. Do what you need to, Raimie, and once you’re finished, know I’ll be here.”
Gods, I didn’t deserve her.
“Wait,” Nylion said. “You need to speak with me? About what?”
Ignoring him, I gestured at Ren’s lap, and when she nodded, I laid my head in it, closing my eyes.
When I entered our shared dream space, Nylion was FREAKING OUT with his hands in his hair while he rapidly paced. He was muttering under his breath, a litany I tried not to hear, but it was kind of hard not to.
“What am I going to do? I thought we were making progress. I thought it was coming soon. Gods, he will reject me, and I have no fucking clue what I will do if he-”
“Nyl. Really. I’m not rejecting you.”
Slowly getting to my feet, I stretched, advancing on Nylion, and when I was close enough, I draped my arms around my other half’s neck with our faces close enough that we could kiss, if I’d stretched a teensy bit more.
“I will NEVER reject you,” I said. “Do you hear me, silly? Never, ever, not in a hundred million years. I remember what being without you is like. I have fucking nightmares about it, so please. Don’t worry about that.”
Bit by bit, anxiety seeped from Nylion until it was gone, and he heaved an enormous sigh.
“Ok,” he said. “What do you want to tell me, then?”
Smirking, I said, “First.”
I closed the distance, gentle in the press of my lips against his, but Nylion was having none of that. Tangling his fingers in my hair, he pulled our bodies together, and a tongue traced the crease of my lips. Gods, it would be so easy to give in, to open my mouth and let this take the course that we’d established over the last month, but I didn’t want that. I needed to say this, damnit, no matter how much it scared the shit out of me.
Digging my hands into Nylion’s shoulders, I insistently pulled him away, wincing at the look on his face.
“We have to save it,” I said. “Who knows how what happens in this place translates to the real world and Ren…”
For the briefest of moments, Nylion went still, widening his eyes far too much, and- and I heard a faint, couldn’t-be-real voice whispering something I refused to hear, but before I could think to question either of these things, my other half was tilting his head to the side.
“You are right, of course,” he said. “So, again I ask. What do you want to tell me?”
Taking one of Nylion’s hands, I brushed my knuckles along my other half’s cheekbone, pausing at the crest.
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently,” I said. “Something I’ve been unconsciously considering since our memories first returned to me but haven’t put serious contemplation into until Qena.”
“Ok…?” Nylion said.
And gods, that apprehensive guardedness. It was so Nylion, no matter how much I wished it wasn’t. I pulled him to me.
“I love you, Nyl,” I said. “I’m sorry it took me so long to say.”
Nylion rapidly blinked at me with his breathing quickening, and swallowing, he spoke.
“You…”
“Love you.”
I ducked to brush kisses around Nylion’s neck and jaw.
“Like I love Ren.”
Gently, I sucked on Nylion’s shoulder, curving my lips on his skin when he gasped and clutched at me. When I pulled away, I smirked at the splotched, red mark I’d left behind before meeting Nylion’s eyes.
“I love you,” I said. “No matter what that means about me. No matter how strange other people might find it. I love you, Nyl. Heart and mind and essence.”
I was afraid that Nylion would faint from hyperventilation, but in a spike of initiative, he kissed me, firmly. With teeth grinding against lips.
In increments, he backed off, making a small cave between our faces when he leaned his forehead against mine.
“I love you too, heart of my heart,” he said. “And I am more grateful than you will ever know that you have finally remembered this.”
For a long while, we simply held one another, and maybe, MAYBE, one of us cried into the other’s shoulder, but if it was so, neither of us was telling.
Eventually, I said, “Shall we return to Ren?”
Nylion hesitated with his breathing hitching.
“Yes,” he said, “I suppose it is only fair.”
“I did just marry her,” I said with a smile.
Pushing me away, Nylion rolled his eyes.
“Gods, you are insufferable at times,” he said. “Go on, then. Return us to the waking world.”
And as I’d learned how to do over the last few months, that was what I did.
I woke up in Ren’s lap, watching her watch the sunset. As stars popped into view, I squeezed her hand, and she glanced down at me with a smile.
Gingerly climbing to my feet, I helped Ren stand, noting Nylion waiting as far from me as he could get. We silently strolled to the palace, arm in arm, with Thumb trailing us. When we reached the room that I’d claimed, though, I firmly closed the door behind us, blocking the spy out.
Ren critically inspected my accommodations, wrinkling her nose, but I couldn’t blame her. My obsidian box with only a narrow bed to fill it wasn’t impressive.
“Where will you take her?” Nylion asked.
You’ll see, I said in a sing-song voice.
“Don’t worry. I’ll get us something more fitting soon enough,” I told Ren.
Igniting a gas lamp, I stepped into the shadows that it cast.
“In the meantime, we have other options.”
I beckoned her forward, but she only stared at me uncertainly.
“Ren,” I sighed, “don’t you trust me?”
My challenge moved her forward, and tightly wrapping her in my arms, I let the shadows take us.
Chapter 86: All I Suffered
Raimie
The journey was much shorter this time. In the last month, I’d made it many times when Rhylix hadn’t been around. Always when my friend hadn’t been looking.
When Ren and I stumbled out of the shadows and a burning freeze greeted us, however, I knew I’d misjudged something. Desperately scanning our surroundings through a curtain of snow, I yelped with relief at the sight of a nearby mound.
“Sorry, I overshot,” I yelled. “Follow me?”
When I offered her my hand again, Ren slowly unwound one arm from hugging warmth to her stomach, and I was relieved to see her grinning despite her chattering teeth. We raced across the frozen tundra, giggling like children at the icy kisses that each flake left on our skin, and Nylion followed, laughing with us as he tried to dodge the snow. We’d returned to our origin, the winter of our courting. The only missing element was the furtiveness of our excursions, and I missed that not one bit.
The mound loomed ahead of us, and I circled it until I found what I needed. Clearing frost off of glass, I pressed my near frozen palm against a rectangular surface.
And nothing happened. Oh, no. Had I broken it the last time I’d been here? I’d been rough while searching the place, discarding caution in my urgent need to find warmth.
Before I could panic, the glass panel lit up, and lines of neon blue and purple raced away from it to outline a rectangular shape, hidden beneath the snow pile. The mound rumbled, and snow fell into the gaping mouth of the cave materializing beneath it.
I led Ren inside. Once we’d crossed the threshold, the blizzard’s freezing cold vanished, to be replaced with a comfortable warmth, and thicker bands of purple and blue streaked at timed intervals down a smooth hallway, disappearing into the earth.
“Raimie, how did we get here? You never answered me about that after the investiture,” Ren whispered. “And where are we? What is this place?”
“We’re in the north, past the Matvai homeland. I found this place during negotiations with them. The Matvai are a… ponderous people. Making decisions of any kind takes them ages, and so, I did a lot of exploring in my spare time,” I said. “As for how we got here, well. We shade melded.”
“Shade melded?” Ren echoed.
“Primeancer skill. I’ll tell you all about it later,” I said. “In the meantime…”
As the hallway opened in front of us, Ren stopped short, and I watched her, afraid she might collapse. I’d nearly done so myself when I’d first visited this place.
This ruin contained mindboggling wonders, marvels that dried the mouth and weakened the knees. Lines of blue and purple streaked out of the hallway and over the cavernous room’s walls, but that fascinating display paled against the chamber’s ornaments.
When I was sure Ren wouldn’t collapse, I walked to the fire burning in the center of the room, unbuckling my weapon’s belt to lean it against a wall. When I’d visited in the past, I’d always found it easiest to first focus on the room’s least strange features, and that was the fire. Even if it never extinguished, even if it refused to burn my skin, it still produced heat, crackled, and flickered like a fire should. I draped my jacket over the low-to-the-ground railing that surrounded it, letting my clothing dry while I waited for Ren to adjust.
Next came the second least strange wonder. I sank onto the chamber’s bed, pulling my boots off, and its bouncy surface conformed to me, whisking away the moisture coating my trousers without prompting, When I got up to place my boots beside my jacket, the bed returned to a flat platform with nary a wrinkle in the single blanket atop it.
A consortium of boxy devices covered one of the room’s walls. I had yet to gather the courage needed to figure out what each of them did, but I did know, from the one night I’d slept here, that a smaller cube magically produced food in the morning, and shortly afterward, a person-sized box spewed soapy water from a nozzle inside for a short time.
Pure, white light illuminated every surface of the black-walled room, and while pulling my soaked undershirt over my head, I accidentally caught a glimpse of its source. The ceiling stretched far above me, and in that open, black space, globes were hanging without support. They floated in place with no tangible buoy to stop them from plummeting to the floor, but this phenomenon wasn’t what unnerved me.
Each of those white globes was a hardened, crystallized Ele ball. Bright called them ‘purified samples of the whole’s life force’, the same thing that had once been folded into Shadowsteal’s blade. It was what allowed the sword to destroy Daevetch splinters. Whatever the globes might be, they made my skin crawl, so I avoided looking at them as much as possible.
The strangest of the room’s oddities was saved for last, but it was the one I’d grown to love the most. When first entering the room, the image might be disconcerting because from the hall, the far wall appeared to have been obliterated. A void had replaced it, an abyss replete with millions of brilliant stars and one, huge ball of orange fire.
“It’s not real,” I said. “If you come closer, you’ll find distortions in its glass. It’s a picture of something that Dim tells me is called ‘outer space’.”
Glancing back, I winced. Ren had become a petrified statue, stuck in the threshold.
“Not the reaction we wanted,” Nylion said.
Sighing, I gently guided her inside.
“I know it’s overwhelming,” I said, adding my undershirt to the steadily growing pile by the fire, “but I thought it would be better than my room, and I don’t know. I thought you might like it. A few years back, you mentioned a desire to explore the northern ruins, but you weren’t exactly sober at the time. Maybe I read too much into what you said.”
Clutching at my arm, Ren wordlessly shook her head.
“It’s perfect,” she breathed.
Turning toward her, I said, “Really? Because this isn’t my only refuge.”
Ren's hold on my arm unexpectedly accelerated my turn, which had the bedside painfully bumping into my legs. Losing my balance, I tumbled onto the bed.
Unnerving Ele globes glared at me from above while weight settled on my hips, pinning my arms to my sides. Ren’s smaller hands grabbed my cheeks, lifting my head to meet her lips, before moving to my bare chest. My head flopped against the bed’s single sheet, and all the while, I fought to silence the shrieking, distinctly feminine voice that was somehow both in my head and not.
“This is wrong, this is wrong, THIS IS WRONG!”
I didn't understand it. Ren and I had cuddled like this before, even if she was acting slightly more urgent than other times. Why did I want her to back the hell off for a moment? Where was Nylion to help with that, as he'd done in the past?
While working at my trousers’ clasp, Ren raked a fingernail across my belly, and that minute ripple of pain was enough to send me tumbling into animalistic terror. I didn’t matter that she was Ren, and I was safe. All I knew was DANGER, DANGER!
Instinctively, I called for Daevetch, bucking her off of me, and blindly crawling off of the bed, I stumbled toward warmth. I barely made it to the fire pit before the stew that I’d eaten for dinner returned as mushy mash.
When my stomach had finished heaving, I curled, panting, into as small of a ball as I could manage, and crouching across from me, Nylion waited, accepting my hand when I eventually reached out. That contact was enough to still my whirling thoughts, but as soon as they’d calmed down, questions replaced them.
Why the fuck had I panicked like that? Why had it happened so quickly? I was used to a certain amount of fear when Ren touched me, but this version of it had been unreasonable. For gods’ sake, I’d been imagining a scene exactly like what had been happening with relish when considering what tonight might entail. What the fuck was wrong with me?
A water skin descended into my field of view, and I sharply glanced at Ren. She wasn’t hurt, thank Alouin, but her face had closed off.
Accepting the water skin, I sat up.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Water washed the taste of vomit out of my mouth while Ren folded to the floor beside me.
“We need to talk about this,” she said. “You’ve always cringed if I touch you when you’re not expecting it, but Raimie… Is it just me, or do you have this violent of a reaction with other people too?”
I buried my face in my knees.
“It’s not just you,” I said, uncaring of how muffled my voice has become. “Every other woman who’s expressed an interest in the last two years… it usually ends like this, although nothing’s ever gotten that far before.”
After a moment, Ren cleared her throat.
“Given everything you’ve expressed about Nylion, have you considered that you might be—”
She took a deep breath.
“—of a different persuasion?”
Different persuasion? The hell was that supposed to mean?
“She wants to know if you would rather sleep with a man than with her,” Nylion said.
I shot my head up.
“No! No, that’s not it,” I said. “Nylion is… Nylion, and I want you, only… I don’t know. When you get aggressive, something in me just… reacts. I don’t know why.”
“Raimie, that’s how I am,” Ren said. “Impulsive. Aggressive at times. When we’re intimate, I can work with you, help you feel comfortable. I don’t mind at all, but I need to know why you react in such a violently rejecting manner sometimes. It makes me feel… unwanted.”
Which I didn’t want.
I curled even tighter on myself than I’d thought I could.
“I DON’T KNOW!” I yelled into the tiny pocket of air between my knees.
It echoed and echoed and echoed in this enormous chamber, and I heard the helplessness in it, heard my frustration over the years. Why did women sometimes scare the shit out of me? I liked women. Some of my favorite people were women. So why…?
“Would you like to know?” Nylion asked.
Slowly, I raised my head until I could peer over my arms.
Leaning back on his hands, he was indifferently staring at the picture of space at our side, but I could feel the anxiety and wariness that my other half was feeling right now.
“You know why?” I said regardless.
Nodding, Nylion said, “It was part of our childhood agreement, remember? I shield you from damaging knowledge, and in return, you let me have control of our body at times. What you want to know about is what damaged us the most, that I know about at least. One of those ‘splinters in the mind’ that Rhylix once told you about, long ago.”
A splinter of the mind? Another one? The absolutely giant fucking shard of one that I’d run across after the Birthing Grounds hadn’t been enough?
Before I ducked my head back below my arms, I barely caught Nylion’s flinch, but still, it froze me solid. He was terrified on the other side of our bond. I could feel it beating against an invisible wall he’d raised between us, and I hated that. So, no. I couldn’t run away from this, no matter how much I might want to.
In increments, I started uncurling from my ball.
“If it’s so damaging, why would you offer to tell me about it now?” I hesitantly asked.
“You have matured,” Nylion said with a shrug. “You are prepared to accept the reality of our childhood. I think. I hope.”
Should I seek answers for something that my other half, my constant protector, thought of as dangerous? Sure, I couldn’t run away from the fact that apparently, something else had been stuck in my head, affecting my present-day self, while I remained ignorant of what it was, but I didn’t have to find out the details of it now. Nylion had asked me if I wanted to know. He’d asked, so I could say no. I could live with this peculiarity I experienced at a woman’s touch, learning to quell my panicked reactions as much as possible, but doing that could take years.
Years in which Ren might blame herself for causing every one of my flinches. Could I inflict that on her, simply for my peace of mind? Looking at her expectant face, I knew what my answer to that question would be.
“Tell me.”
“You should let her hear it from my lips, heart of my heart,” Nylion said. “It would be more efficient, and… do you trust me?”
Frowning at him, I said, I LOVE you, dumbass. Of course I trust you.
I readily relinquished control to him, but this time, I didn’t retreat to our shared dream space when the world snapped.
May I touch her? Nylion said.
Why would he ask such a thing? Wasn’t the answer obvious?
“You are me, and I am you, and we are we, Nyl,” I said. “She’s your wife too.”
Nylion paused with something strange flooding across our bond before scooting closer to Ren. He reached for her hands, but before taking them, he met her eyes.
“So we are clear,” he said, “Nylion is in control now.”
“Oh, I know,” Ren said with a smile. “I saw the switch, clear as day.”
She took our hands, and relaxing, Nylion folded into a cross-legged position.
“How do I begin?” he said. “What would be the easiest way-?”
Squeezing our hands, Ren said, “Just tell him.”
So, taking a deep breath, Nylion began.
“Do you remember the bruises and scrapes that we hid under our clothes when we were kids, Raimie?”
“The ones we got during particularly bad training sessions, yes?” I said.
Nylion shook our head, sighing long and loud.
“They were not from weapons masters or tutors,” he said. “They were mother’s gifts.”
Opposite us, Ren gasped, but I barely noticed that. Inside our mind, I giggled. That wasn’t right. Mama had told me stories at bedtime. Mama had kissed my forehead before blowing out the candle. Mama had called me her beautiful boy. She’d never lay a hand on me in anger. I didn’t know what Nylion was talking about but-
“No. She wouldn’t have done that. Not with you,” he said. “Never you. Except for the accident when we first told her about us. And except for the incident when we were five. We had finished a history lesson, but because I was distracting you, we had not performed well. Our mother unexpectedly showed up at the end of the lesson, long enough to observe our behavior. After sending the tutor home, she proceeded to beat your knuckles and back bloody with his ruler, and I do mean you. We had not made our agreement yet. I suppose she had finally had enough of NylRaimie.”
“That’s not… how I remember it,” I uncertainly said.
Uncertainly because what I’d said wasn’t necessarily true. I did remember the lesson in question, just as I remembered mama nursing me afterward, but the rest was a giant blank.
“I isolated the memory from you as part of the agreement we made that night. I promised to take the brunt of our mother’s fury from then on, and I would have been content with keeping it solely at that,” Nylion said. “You are my dearest friend, Raimie. The one I will always love. The heart of my shattered heart. I would do anything for you without expecting a reward, but you insisted on repaying me. You promised me freedom and remarkably, found a way to give it to me. Because of you, I can walk this world on our feet, and when it is my turn, I make the decisions. Such small autonomy is more than I ever expected.”
I half-listened to him, filing away everything he’d said for later review and reaction, but for now, I was caught on the idea that the countless nights when I’d cried myself to sleep because of cracked ribs and welts had been because of mama. How did that reconcile with what I knew about her? Did I trust that Nylion was telling the…?
He’d never lied to me. Why would I think he’d do that now? What possible reason could he have for doing such a thing in the first place?
“If it helps, I do not believe she hated you,” Nylion said. “I think something was deeply wrong with her. She used to scream at me, blaming me for her inability to go home. I always found that baffling. Where is home, if not with family?”
But if mama had been abusive toward us, wouldn’t someone have caught her? Wouldn’t I have noticed?
“We hid the damage to our body so the average person would not see it. Father was constantly away on Hand business, and when he was home, our mother behaved herself. His ignorance is understandable, if not forgivable. Eledis knew. He simply did not care. Whatever motivated us to become better tools in his hand was acceptable in his book,” Nylion says. “As for you, Raimie, why do you think you picture me so battered and broken?”
No. It wasn’t- I didn’t want to see this. I didn’t want to know this. NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no….
“Help!” Nylion grunted.
He shoved a palm against our temple, and the pressure on our other hand, the one Ren was holding, strengthened. Addled, I fought to focus on those loving, gray eyes.
“Raimie, it’s in the past. I’m so sorry, but the damage is already done,” Ren said. “We know the problem. We can work together to heal this wound, and even if… even if we can’t., please understand, my love. I’m here for you, come what may.”
She was here. She was here, and she was… right. That mama had beaten us every day from the ages of five to nine didn’t matter, not in the long run. I knew I’d have to work through a lot of absolute shit, now that I knew more about my life but right now? I had Ren. And back then, I’d had Nylion, both to love me—as a mother unconditionally should—and protect me-
“Oh, my gods, Nyl!” I whispered. “What she did to you!”
My other half shrugged.
I am your protector, he said. I was doing my job.
“Thank you,” I said.
Everything about me was filled with a gratitude so intense that those words couldn’t hope to convey it, but Nylion felt it through our bond. He could tell exactly what I meant.
Between us, there is never a need for thanks, heart of my heart, Nylion said. You would have done the same for me if our roles were reversed.
“I would. I always would, Nyl,” I said. “Whatever you need, whenever you need it. Please know that.”
I didn’t know how Nylion showed himself in the waking world when he was in our head, but desperately, I saw myself kneeling beside my other half. I saw my arms around Nylion’s shoulders. I saw us breathing in time together, reaching across our bond to one another.
And for an instant, we melded, savoring the union of two become one. For an instant, our bond was as strong as it had ever been.
“That promise goes for you too, Nyl,” Ren said.
Unknowingly breaking our merge, she leaned toward us, nuzzling our neck.
“Come what may, I’m here.”
Our body fell still, not even blinking.
“What?” Nylion said.
“You’re part of Raimie, and Raimie’s part of you, right?” Ren said. “When I agreed to be your wife, I agreed to be your wife. I didn’t just Join with Raimie. I Joined with you too, Nylion."
“I saw everything. The days stuck behind his eyes. The time trapped in your mind after your mother gave him medicine. The years become eons spent in solitude, waiting for him to rescue you. I saw it all, although you managed to keep the worst of it from me. Just as you and Raimie have lived my life, I have lived yours, and… I love you both.”
“Told you,” I said.
Even still, there was a difference between knowing this truth and hearing it spoken aloud. I didn’t know what to do with the sheer relief rushing through me, but I tried to keep it to myself, if only because Nylion seemed to be having just as intense of a reaction to Ren’s words. Tears—something I’d never known Nylion to waste—were spilling from our eyes, splashing unobstructed to the floor.
“I- I do not know what to say,” he whispered.
Kissing our knuckles, Ren stood.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Ren said, “but when the two of you are ready, can you ask Raimie if he minds whether you go first?”
What does she mean? Nylion asked.
And all I could do was laugh. Alouin, good gods above, but I loved this woman.
“Tell her I said not at all,” I gasped.
“He says he does not mind,” Nylion repeated. “Why would he mind-?”
He cut off as the gossamer outer layer of Ren’s dress puffed into smoke, leaving behind a long sheath of black silk. Together, we marveled while she wriggled free of it. Fabric flowed to the floor, and she was all skin with a backdrop of space and Sun to frame her.
Extending a hand to us, Ren said, "When and if you're ready. I'd like to try a few things."
For a moment, I could feel Nylion's hesitation. Something I couldn't name was still bothering him, and while that in turn bothered me, I also wasn't sure how much more I could handle from him, of the unsettling variety at least. As I had moments before, I pictured myself standing beside Ren, offering him my hand as well.
"Come on," I softly said. "Just like we've done before. But with her."
Uncertainly eyeing me, Nylion slowly reached out. Ren took his hand, drawing him toward the bed with every move slow and gentle, and I settled in to watch. As she kissed him. As she pulled the rest of our clothes off of him. As she showed him exactly what to do to make both of their backs arch with pleasure.
I didn’t mind waiting. My turn would come soon enough.
Interlude 3.1: Caution
King of Auden
2nd of Fourth, 3476
Since my father’s death involved much more frothing at the mouth, convulsing, and other symptoms associated with arsenic ingestion than I’d originally thought, whoever is in charge of my safety has decided that I need a special bodyguard. Apparently, the guards stationed throughout the palace aren’t good enough.
I haven’t had time to learn as much as I’d like about who will hold the unenviable position of keeping me alive. My life has become a whirlwind of introductions, and although I was initially wary of a suggestion made by a man who let someone poison my father, I’ve decided that he must not be totally incompetent after meeting the Eselan summoned to take charge of my protection.
Yes, you read that right, whoever you are that’s spying on this journal. An Eselan bodyguard. One of their infamous Zrelnach, in fact.
The thing is, unlike with the other Esela I’ve met, I rather like this one. He doesn’t look down his nose at me or otherwise make me feel like a bug. He has a sense of humor, which is a quality that the Esela generally seem to lack, and when I asked, he was more than happy to teach me some of his order’s famous fighting style. He was also close friends with Illasaya when she was princess of Lyzencroft, and he makes my boys laugh, something that always put the comedian into my good graces.
Most importantly, he’s already saved my life once. Soon after his arrival, I was attacked by a raving lunatic with Daevetch swarming under her skin. I have no idea how the woman got into the palace and past so many guards, but while I was still in the process of comprehending the fact that she was rushing at me with a knife, my new bodyguard lunged between us. He quickly beheaded her, sheathed his blade, and bowed to me, apologizing for allowing her to come so close.
I’m still not sure why he felt the need to apologize. He did his job, which is all that matters to me.
I suppose I should mention who he is, besides a Zrelnach. His name is Emir, and he’s the son of the Eselan emissary, who I’ve always despised. Ironic, right?
8th of Thirteenth, 3476
This will be my last entry.
Ring has come to a conclusion about who killed my father, and the perpetrator wasn’t an assassin from a foreign nation, as we suspected. It wasn’t a member of the heretical Matvai to the north. No, the killer was someone much closer to home.
Ever since Nebailie returned to the palace a few years ago, my mother has been getting increasingly erratic. While my brother was serving in the army, I thought that maybe, just maybe, she and my father would mend fences, allowing past mistakes to stay in the past, but then, my father summoned ‘bailie home.
The day he returned to the palace, my parents broke into a screaming match, the likes of which I’d never heard from them before. People on the far side of the palace could have heard them! Or so I thought at the time. In the end, my father won that argument, as he always did, but his victory didn’t last.
Months passed with no further family drama. My father, ‘bailie, and I assumed that my mother had accepted the situation, learning to deal with my bastard brother living in the palace once more.
We were very wrong.
My mother had spent those months quietly scheming and plotting, acquiring and preparing her poison of choice. Essentially, she was planning how to kill my father.
And that’s why this will be my last entry. Since my eighth birthday, my mother has given me these journals every year, but she’s broken from that tradition, giving me something different for my thirtieth birthday.
For you see, she’s ensured that my first official act as king will be to decide whether to put my mother, the woman who murdered my father, to death.
10th of Thirteenth, 3476
It’s done. My mother is dead. I did what I had to.
23rd of Thirteenth, 3477
I know that I said I’d never write in you again, but time has passed, wounds have healed, and I’ve changed. And I need this place of respite more than ever.
I met the Eselan diplomat again today. When he last visited Elisk, he returned home after weeks of delayed meetings, leaving Emir, his son, to serve as my bodyguard.
Have I mentioned how different those two are? How one is intolerable, and the other is—dare I say it—my friend?
In any case, the insufferable bastard returned today, and I couldn’t fabricate an excuse to keep from seeing him. During our meeting, he was—how do I put this politely?—haggard. His eyes were so wild and that frazzled hair!
And his desperation! In the two years since I took the throne, no one has ever come to me in such distress.
He told me about the terror that’s plaguing his people’s Haven: the Eselan, touched by madness, who’s leading a band of near deathless monsters. They’ve pillaged even the most well defended of settlements, leaving no one alive once they’re through. Several months ago, Lyzencroft sent aid to the Haven at the bequest of its leaders, and now, months later, the great, decidedly human nation might just crumble before this scourge.
I knew the contents of the diplomat’s woeful tale before he spun it. Auden isn’t without its scouts and spies. So, when rumors about the Haven’s gradual destruction first trickled into my court, I considered sending soldiers to help. In the end, I decided I wouldn’t interfere in foreign politics, and if the diplomat’s claims about Lyzencroft are true, it seems I’ve made the right choice. I didn’t know my wife’s former homeland was in such dire straits.
What also came as news to me are three facts about the terror who’s already decimated half the continent. One is that apparently, he’s a powerful, Daevetch primeancer.
I don’t know how likely I find that. Since my father, no primeancers have surfaced in our world, none that we know of at least, but the diplomat vehemently insisted that his people’s opponent is in fact a Daevetch primeancer.
Second, he plans to march on Auden. I suppose two conquered kingdoms aren’t enough for him. If this is true, I wish him luck with his designs on my kingdom, even if he can access Daevetch. Auden has stood for centuries, despite numerous threats against it. I doubt our current one will blemish that record.
Lastly, I have a name for the threat. Since my father died and my mother was executed, I’ve been unconsciously looking for an adversary to take their place. Ministers and diplomats have proven to be poor substitutes, not when they aren’t a real threat. Maybe this one will be. So, his name.
My enemy’s name is Doldimar.
Interlude 3.2: Caution
King of Auden
11th of Third, 3478
Forget my doubts. Forget my bravado. The enemy is indeed a primeancer, and Auden is doomed.
We joined him in combat on the Lyzencroft-Matvai border. I thought the battle would be simple. The soldiers had their orders to behead the enemy when possible, and we had the high ground. It should have been an easy victory.
Instead, it was a slaughter. By themselves, Doldimar’s monstrous, deathless soldiers might have tipped the scales in the enemy’s favor, but with the primeancers at his command, our defeat was inevitable.
They can instantaneously move from one side of the battlefield to the other, carving through plate-mailed men and horses like they’re made of paper.
Doldimar wasn’t even with his army. Instead, a pair of his lieutenants, Teron and Xiki, harried our forces, even as we retreated. The men looked to me to drive those two off, supposed Ele primeancer that I am, and I could do nothing.
We are doomed. Unless we can find a way to appease Doldimar, everyone in my wretched kingdom will die, and it will be my fault-
“Your Majesty, are you paying attention?”
Lifting my quill from the paper, I glanced at the faces expectantly gazing back at me.
“You’re discussing the status of our reserves,” I said.
“Since the conflict has morphed into a drawn-out war after the Battle of Eadochas Valley—”
I inwardly cringed. They’d already given that travesty a name?
“—calling on the reserves seems only right. Best to prepare for the worst, no?”
Which minister was making this suggestion? Since I’d taken the throne, their number had exponentially grown, to the point that I could no longer keep track of who controlled what around here.
“Why would there be more fighting?” I wearily asked, deciding to address the entire assembly rather than one minister alone.
“Doldimar’s forces are already harassing our border towns, which is a perfect replica of what happened to Lyzencroft. If we don’t nip it in the bud now, Auden will fall.”
I knew this speaker: Nebailie, my brother. The one who’d stood with me in the Valley. Who’d argued against the retreat that I’d ordered.
“I plan to treat with Doldimar,” I said. “We’ll see if we can’t find some room for a compromise before inciting further violence by drawing on the reserves.”
The room went very quiet, save for some nervous shuffling.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty, but that’s a terrible idea,” Nebailie tensely said. “You’ve heard the stories about Daevetch primeancers. We’ll find no common ground with beings like that.”
“I’m aware of the stories,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, “but I’d like to try anyway. Prepare to call up the reserves. Do whatever you’d like to get ready for war, but if we can avoid more fighting, I want to take that chance.”
“We should strike them while they’re still flush with victory,” Nebailie said. “Eadochas taught us how to fight Doldimar’s abominations. Since our return, we’ve been drilling the troops in more efficient decapitation techniques.”
“And what about the primeancers?” I snapped at my brother.
“What about them?” asked Minister… something or other. “You can eliminate them, can’t you? Therefore, not a problem.”
And herein lay the problem. Nebailie knew about it but refused to acknowledge it. I knew and tried to find an alternate solution.
The primeancers were a problem because here, at thirty-one years of age and almost two years into my reign, an Ele splinter had yet to appear to me.
“Of course I can.”
I brashly smiled at the minister while my insides clenched at the lie.
“Then, why shouldn’t we do as Commander Nebailie has suggested?”
Murmurs of agreement echoed this question, and hearing them, I realized that I could do nothing more in this meeting. I pushed away from the table.
“I’ve made my decision,” I said. “Send a messenger to invite Doldimar to discuss terms, but don’t think your advice has gone unheeded, brother. Prepare your soldiers to attack if these talks go poorly in any way.”
“As you wish, Your Majesty,” Nebailie said with a bow.
Uh-oh. I knew that tone. ‘bailie would be coming to have A Talk later.
The others rose as one as I stalked out of the Ministers’ Chamber with Emir at my heel. During the five-minute walk to my office, I couldn’t help but fume at what had happened during the meeting, and once we were safely ensconced in privacy, Emir’s head shimmered, settling back into its blonde-and-blue hair paired with gray eyes.
“He made a good point, you know,” the Eselan said once the shape change was over. “An immediate attack would work in our favor. We could wipe them out before they can gather for a large assault.”
“Both you and ‘bailie know why I can’t do that,” I snapped.
“Yes. I still think we should fight, like your brother suggested,” Emir said. “Why are you hesitating with this? You’re usually quick to jump on a chance to get rid of your enemies. Are you afraid that during a battle, your men will die to a primeancer you should be able to neutralize, or is it more about the chance that someone will drag your secret into the light of day?”
Both. I didn’t want soldiers to recklessly spend their lives for my lie, but I was also terrified of what would happen if I was discovered. I’d surely lose the throne and possibly my life as well, but I was prepared for that eventuality. What made me balk at simply telling everyone about my deficiency were the possible consequences for my family. What would an angry mob do to the wife and sons of a false king?
“I’m afraid for the men, of course,” I said. “I know this move is overly cautious, but I’m only hoping to keep Auden out of an unnecessary war.”
“Seems pretty necessary to me, given what we know,” Emir said under his breath.
I pretended I hadn’t heard him. War might or might not be coming, but this nation wouldn’t run itself while that status was determined. A two-foot-high stack of paper was waiting for my perusal on my desk, another Matvai delegation had come to Elisk bearing grievances, and the supplicants who’d been waiting for me to hear them since my departure for Eadochas required my attention.
Oh! I should probably see the boys at some point today too, otherwise Illasaya wouldn’t speak to me for days. She already complained that I didn’t spend enough time with our children.
But first, I’d finish my work.
Chapter 87: A Lesson
Rhylix
A Daevetch bolt streaked over my head at such a narrow margin that my hair rustled in its wake. Raimie followed his magical attack with a more conventional one, swinging Silverblade at my vulnerable legs.
Grinning, I leapt over the attack, using white energy to power my jump, and while in the air, I attracted the Ele in my feet to that in the ceiling. The room flipped upside down, and I landed on my new floor.
Sticking my tongue out at Raimie, I waved at the crowd, sending them into peals of laughter, and rolling his eyes, Raimie roughly gestured downward. The ceiling-floor that I was stuck to crumbled, and I fell with its resin and volcanic glass.
After creating another attraction between stone and my flesh, I landed in a graceful crouch, rolling to spread the impact on my knees. As I flowed to my feet, the ground broke beneath me, making me stumble away from a deteriorating floor. A destructive path chased me wherever I fled until I needled Ele in the approximate direction Raimie was attacking from.
For a split second, the ground stabilized, and I used my brief respite to locate my opponent before anchoring my body to the wall behind me. Once I was fixed in place, I attracted the Ele in my body to Raimie’s, and my friend flew across the room, straight for my brandished sword.
At the last second, Raimie disrupted the attraction, an abrupt loss that jarred me. I hadn’t known that breaking someone else’s Ele draw was possible, and the shock of that revelation almost earned me defeat.
Raimie skipped to a stop a breath away from impalement. He smacked my sword away, stepping in for a Daevetch-powered punch that I barely ducked in time. After that, the fight devolved into a contest of who would break first: Raimie with his bone-shattering strength or me with my nimble quickness.
This swordplay wouldn’t add to today’s lesson, not when compared to our display from earlier, but gods, I’d missed sparring with my friend. At the very least, our audience must find the fight entertaining. Good-natured cheers interspersed the clash of steel on steel.
The fight wasn’t much of a contest for me. Since the investiture sixteen months ago, Raimie hadn’t found much time to practice with the blade, and his poor leg had never properly healed after Qena.
Even with that, my friend didn’t go down easily. He gave me no openings, despite the minute grimaces that revealed how badly his old injury was hurting him today.
In the end, what vanquished him was his total focus on his opponent. When Raimie sprang forward to take advantage of a perceived opening, I avoided the strike, and my successful feint gave me enough time to attract an obsidian shard to Raimie’s thigh. When that piece of debris hit, my friend grunted with his leg giving way. I flowed around his descending body and from behind, jerked his head back, smoothly snaking my sword to rest against my friend’s neck. He dropped his sword, raising his hands in surrender.
As the room burst into applause, I released my captive.
“Need to work on your awareness, Raimie,” I said. “Your lack of it has always been your biggest weakness.”
The king accepted my offered hand up.
“Tell me,” he panted. “Will I ever be able to beat you, or is that a vain hope?”
“You’ve already done that, remember?” I said. “Years ago? When you pulled from Daevetch and kicked my across camp?”
“Ah, yes. Not my proudest moment,” Raimie said.
His eyes unfocused, but he quickly snapped them to me, accompanied by an impish grin.
“What I hear you telling me is that if I want to beat you, I need the element of surprise.”
“What you hear me saying, oh great king of Auden, is that I need to address my students,” I said.
“And I need to repeat this display with Nessaira and her Daevetch pupils,” Raimie said, making a face. “I’ll see you later this evening, yes?”
“Our dinner’s tonight?” I asked.
Raimie had invited me to join him and some friends for a meal a few weeks ago. How had the days so quickly passed me by?
“Yes, Rhy, it’s tonight,” Raimie said with a smile. “Should I send a guard to fetch you? I know you get so sucked into your activities that you forget about the world outside of this school sometimes.”
“No, no,” I said. “I’ll be there.”
“Good. Until tonight, then.”
Raimie parted the sea of onlookers around us with his very presence, an unconscious movement from all involved. Swiftly striding for the training room’s door, he distractedly twitched his fingers, the sole indication of how badly he must want to shade meld to the Daevetch spire to save time. Doing so, however, would abandon today’s bodyguard, Pointer, to the Ele student’s care. Avoiding a lecture from Oswin about his disregard for safety must have been more attractive than salvaging fifteen minutes from his unexpected chore.
I was grateful that my friend, the king of Auden, had squeezed these impromptu demonstrations into one of his rare days of leisure. When I’d woken up this morning, energized enough to leap out of bed, I’d sent word to Raimie, asking for his help. Days where I was fully myself had gotten few and far between. It was best to take advantage of them when I could.
Pointer peeled out of the corner he’d been wedged in, following Raimie like a wraith-like shadow. Everyone knew that the spy held a heathy dose of wariness for primeancers. Lingering in a room with so many of them must have unnerved him, but he’d stuck it out, just for Raimie.
Quickly enough, he and the king disappeared down the stairwell, and I ran my eyes over said primeancers. They’d taken to chatting amongst themselves while their teacher was distracted.
Such a diverse group! Most were youths but a few laid claim to old age, although I couldn’t help but think of even them as children. A smattering of farmers, two brash Matvai, some children from wealthy merchant families. Even a Zrelnach Eselan, to my surprise, and of course, Miranon, our resident Qenan scientist. All told, Ring had located fourteen of them on her four-month long journey from a year and a half ago, although several of them hadn’t reached Elisk and the palace until recently.
I hoped that over time, more would gather. The number I was already teaching was more than enough, thank you! But this school was rapidly transforming into a safe space for all primeancers, somewhere they weren’t hunted and murdered for something they had little control over. I wouldn’t want any of them to miss the opportunity, even if that chance for safety came at a price.
When Raimie had first informed me of the condition that had been exacted for the primeancy school, I hadn’t been pleased. Actually, if I was being honest, my reaction more resembled a heated, one-sided speech than anything else. When he could get a word in edge-wise, Raimie had explained why the insult had been necessary, and I’d understood. By ourselves, my friend and I couldn’t feed, house, and provide for an unknown number of people. His ministers held the nation’s purse strings, and therefore, we must bow to their desires, accepting an unwelcome uniform and insignia pair.
At least Raimie had managed to render what should have been a distinguishing uniform down to something as commonplace as possible. Nearly identical to the army’s dress, it was almost bearable. Almost. To this day, this form of discrimination made my blood boil, but at the time, I’d reluctantly accepted the restriction placed on my future students. Upon my concession, however, I’d decidedly informed Raimie that if he ever tried to put me in a uniform, of any type, I would make his life a living hell.
Once a student noticed his teacher scrutinizing them, he hushed the others. Their descent into silence happened far too quickly for me. These people shouldn’t be showing me so much respect.
“I hope you enjoyed the show today!” I said to fill the quiet. “Can anyone tell me what they learned from it?”
“That you and the king are badasses,” a young farmhand breathlessly said.
Several of the primeancers gasped while an older merchant lightly smacked the back of his head.
“Language, Irya!”
With a half-smile, I tipped my head to the side.
“No, it’s all right,” I say. “You should never be afraid to use strong language when a situation calls for it. It’s a tool like any other.”
Striding to Irya, I crouched in front of the boy, hanging my wrists off of my knees.
“In this case, though, perhaps your word choice wasn’t wise. With time and training, all of you can use Ele like I did in the fight. You can become ‘badasses’ yourself,” I said, patting Irya on the head. “What else did we learn?”
As I stood, my students were quiet, almost introspective, but someone eventually spoke up.
“The king’s terrifying.”
Pavensu had probably meant what she’d said as a quip, but genuine fear had infected her voice as well, fear that was reflected in the others.
“Because of the dark energy he wields?” I softly asked.
On receiving several nods, I stook my head.
“Raimie is more skilled with Ele than he is with Daevetch, and he’s your ally,” I said. “You don’t need to fear him.”
Quiet murmurs followed this, but most of my students appeared comforted now, if not entirely mollified.
“What else?” I asked.
“Ele is in everything, and we can manipulate it,” Miranon said before ducking her head.
Poor girl. Her friendship with Tejesper, a Daevetch student, hadn’t earned her a warm welcome here. The Ele students ostracized her to an extreme, as could be seen from the mocking glances they were directing at her.
I understood their scorn. What Miranon had said was common knowledge for everyone, not just primeancers. Her fellow students probably thought she was silly for reiterating it.
“Very good, Miranon,” I said. “I’m pleased that at least one of you figured it out.”
As the others gave me various surprised reactions, Miranon lifted her head with a small smile, and I dipped my head to her. I’d been trying to help her where I could, but that was hard to do without looking like I was playing favorites.
“Figured wut out?” asked a Matvai boy.
“Manipulating Ele in his body and in the obsidian around us is how Rhylix stood on the ceiling and flung rubble at the king,” Miranon whispered before tightening her arms around her middle.
“That’s… brilliant, Miranun! Smaert and pretty,” the Matvai boy said. “Whu’d have thought?”
Leave it to someone from the Matvai clans to make a compliment sound like an insult at the same time.
“I learned that Ele isn’t nearly as useless in combat as you’ve made it seem over the last few weeks, Rhylix,” said the Zrelnach among the primeancers.
What was her name? Jeme? After the time I’d spent teaching her, I should know it by now, but something about her made my attention slip away whenever I interacted with her, probably some Zrelnach training I’d forgotten about.
“You’ve emphasized every way that Daevetch can be used to destroy us,” she continued. “Knowing that we have our own ways to attack heartens me.”
“My intention wasn’t to discourage you, Jeme, but rather to warn you of what you’ll face,” I said. “Daevetch primeancers aren’t to be trifled with.”
The Zrelnach didn’t react to the name I’d spoken, so I must have guessed it correctly, but by the sober expression on the others’ faces, I could tell that this lesson had finally sunk in.
“Now that you understand the danger, we can begin your training in truth,” I said. “Over the next few months, I’ll work with each of you, one on one, to develop your skills. While I’m doing that, the rest of you will meet with Nessaira’s students on a limited basis.”
“WHAT?”
“Yu just told us Daevetch primeancers are daengerous enemies,” an older Matvai woman added. “Why pit us against them when we haeve nu skills?”
She was one of many loudly protesting people, all hurt or confused, and some of them had clearly started wondering if they’d made a mistake in coming here.
“I never said they were your enemy. I only said they were dangerous, which they are,” I called over them. “They’re also human and Esela. For the most part, what attracted a Daevetch splinter to them wasn’t a conscious decision on their part, much like what happened between you and your splinters."
“Take Miranon’s friend, Tejesper, for example. He attracted a splinter of aspect Destruction because he enjoyed crafting explosives to help with his village’s mining efforts. His actions were in no way harmful to society, but Destruction came to him all the same."
“Daevetch primeancers aren’t evil—”
I had to say those words, even if they stuck in my throat.
“—and we Ele wielders must learn to work with them if we’re to defend the realm.”
They looked so uncertain, exchanging glances among themselves and licking their lips.
An elderly farmer said, “But-”
I stepped in before this lesson could go off the rails. I’d gotten them where I needed them.
“In this school, I encourage you to question the rules,” I said, “but when I tell you what will come next in your training, I expect you to do it. I’m the most experienced Ele primeancer in Auden—”
The world.
“—and I want you to succeed. I won’t ask you to do something unless your development as primeancers requires it. Do we understand one another?”
Half-hearted agreements returned to me, which would have to be enough. I couldn’t push any harder on this issue today.
“Excellent! Now, if you Restore this room quickly enough, we can sneak into Raimie’s demonstration with Nessaira before it’s over,” I said. “Should be fun to watch the king using Ele, yes?”
My students exploded from the floor with some already wrapping their hands in white light. Rather than joining them, Jeme, the Zrelnach, separated from them to approach me.
As she stopped beside me, she said, “You make a much better teacher than a student.”
I peered at her with hooded eyes.
“Did we know one another in Allanovian?” I asked.
A short giggling fit briefly stole her ability to respond.
“You know, I had a running bet with myself about whether you’d remember me,” she said when she could. “You always were the most aloof trainee in our class.”
Jeme. Now that she’d mentioned it, I did remember a girl with that name, and it explained why I’d had so much trouble with focusing on her. It was an example of how my compartmentalization of memories could cause problems in my life.
“You were the quiet one,” I said. “Everyone underestimated you because of your meek demeanor, but I knew that your tendency to fade into the background didn’t make you an incompetent warrior. After our class’s trials, you emerged second in their ranking, right?”
“Only because you’d dropped out by that point,” Jeme said. “Ferin and I had a close contest, but in the end, I let her win our duel. I thought that eventually, she’d make a better leader than me. Look how wrong I was.”
Bristling, I growled, “Commander Ferin did the best she could in a difficult situation.”
The wound of her murder still badly ached from where it had begun scabbing over.
“Oh, I know, but her best almost destroyed our expedition before it left Ada’ir’s shores,” Jeme continued. “Anyway, those events are years in the past. There’s no use in dwelling on them now.”
Then, why had she brought them up?
Rather than challenge her, I asked, “When did you gain a splinter? It must have been recent, or your fellow Zrelnach would have noticed your magic by now.”
“Actually, it happened a few years back,” Jeme said. “On our journey across the sea, do you remember the pirate attack that happened during our becalming?”
Did I ever. Following that battle, I’d met Nylion for the first time, although I hadn’t known Raimie had a second persona in his head at that point, and Nylion had still been… unstable at the time.
Gods, I hoped Raimie could eventually persuade him to meet with me again. It had been a year and a half. A second try should have been made by now, but whenever I asked my friend about it, he told me to be patient. Nylion took longer to heal and forgive than most people, which was understandable given their past.
With a quick head shake, I said, “I do.”
“After the battle, I spared a pirate,” Jeme said. “Commander Gistrick didn’t receive Raimie’s orders about the bastards’ fates until the day after the attack, and without those orders, he’d decided to toss the pirates overboard."
“A teenager was waiting for death with them. Sobbing amongst those angry prisoners, he was so quiet that it broke my heart. That he should die for youthful mistakes didn’t sit right with me. I snuck him away, hiding him until tempers had cooled. He sailed home with the former slaves, and not long after that, Mercy appeared to me.”
Ah, aspect Mercy. What a perfect match for the girl I remembered from Allanovian.
“How did you keep your primeancy secret for so long?” I asked.
“Simple,” Jeme said with a shrug. “I never used it. Zrelnach training has kept me alive in the years since, but soon enough, I knew I’d face a threat that would force Ele from me. I’d rather declare my status as a primeancer in a place of safety than during a battle. In the aftermath of one, I’d prefer to avoid coincidentally succumbing to my ‘wounds’.”
“Smart,” I said, “but then, you always were, Jeme.”
“As you were always different, Rhylix,” she shot back. “I always wondered how you managed to stay exactly one step ahead of us during our training. Was that because of your primeancy, or are you hiding something else too?”
Thank Alouin. The other students had finished Restoring the room, giving me an excuse to abandon the conversation. I moved toward the grouped students, ignoring Jeme’s intense stare at me.
“Outstanding, everyone!” I said. “The room looks exactly as it did before the demonstration.”
“Nu thaenks tu the gray-eyes,” an older, Matvai woman muttered.
She made a face before sullenly eyeing Jeme.
“Yanovna!” the Matvai boy hissed at her side.
The woman snapped her head toward him, opening her mouth to reply, but I stepped toe-to-toe with her first, staring her down. The Matvai hated Esela for reasons I’d never discovered, which could become a problem since two of them were my students. I should confront this problem now, before it turned into something more than snide comments.
“Do you have a problem with the Esela, Yanovna?” I asked.
Stepping back, Yanovna bumped into the woman behind her.
“Nut at all!” she said, flashing a nervous smile at me.
I believed that as much as I believed that Daevetch primeancers didn’t have something inherently evil buried within them. Still, I’d take the woman’s concession, satisfied that she wouldn’t cause problems for a little while longer.
“Good!” I said. “Well, since the lot of you are finished, it looks like we can move on with our lesson today. Come on, class! Let’s see if Raimie’s wiped the floor with Nessaira yet.”
Chapter 88: Day of Leisure
Raimie
Again, Nessaira attacked me with her tiny crossbow, so intent on the fight that she ended up aiming at her students, and I gritted my teeth, only moving a fraction of an inch so that the bolt wouldn’t puncture my throat. It embedded in my shoulder instead, and in a flash, I ripped what I could of the projectile free, sending Ele to circle the wound and keep it from bleeding. I tried not to think about the metal tip that I’d left in my muscle.
When Nessaira laughed, I realized that perhaps her aim hadn’t been as distracted as I’d thought. She’d forced me to take the hit to make an opening in my flesh.
Daevetch tendrils leapt across the distance between her hand and my wound, one after the other in an endless parade, and I nimbly dodged them all until she growled, sweeping forward with her sword raised.
My leg was aching. I wouldn’t last long against a Daevetch empowered opponent, so instead of standing my ground against her, I ran away.
Nessaira, who’d always been an uninspired warrior, didn’t take advantage of the room’s abundant shadows to shade meld in front of me or use Daevetch creatively at all, in fact. Instead, she chased me on her own two feet.
As I approached the wall, I hoped that I’d mastered the attraction skill that Rhylix had been teaching me over the last month. Since I’d become king, few moments had come along where we were together, unoccupied with another task, and without observers nearby, but when those rare times came, messengers and aids knew to look for me and Rhylix in the palace’s training yard, the sole place where we could spar or practice primeancy techniques.
How many times had I left those sessions exhausted and frustrated? The skills Rhylix had been trying to impart, including the one I’d soon use, were often ones that I’d mastered as a child, but my proficiency with them had failed to return with my memories. While I’d managed to occasionally resonate with the wholes again, like I had against Teron years ago, I’d lost count of how many times I’d stared at the ceiling, wishing for my feet to stick to an impossible height. They never had, hence why I’d asked Rhylix for help.
Perhaps our training would soon come to fruition.
Calling to the Ele in the obsidian ahead of me, I willed it to bind to my feet, hoping to put some distance between me and Nessaira, but before I could finish that task, I ground to a halt, halfway through a step, and tipping, I fell to the side with my lungs stunned on hitting the ground. When had Nessaira snuck Daevetch into my shoulder wound?
“Sorry, Raimie. I could not warn you in time,” Nylion said. “She is too fast.”
Leaning against a wall where he’d been watching the fight, he uncrossed his arms and ankles, wrinkling his nose.
“Do you think she will-?”
Nessaira stepped between me and the crowd, wiggling her fingers, and I twitched and spasmed, a puppet at the end of her strings.
“Oh… that is annoying,” Nylion grunted.
And humiliating. At least she hadn’t used the pain node of her Vice, though. Given a moment of respite, I could escape from her with ease.
“See here why Daevetch shall always be superior to Ele,” Nessaira said. “Once allowed into the body, our dark energy can control anyone, even a king, and if they dare try to escape…”
She curled her fingers. White-hot fire sparked in every part of me, inside and out, unraveling my delicate work to destroy her Vice’s nodes. As Nylion collapsed into a heap by the wall, a rough scream drowned out Nessaira’s lecture, and a pink film fell over my vision. Before red could completely blind me, I watched Rhylix lead his Ele students into the room, stopping short on seeing me on the floor, and my pain paled when compared to what this display might do to our audience.
Forget the surgical approach and conserving Ele. Students on both sides of the primeancy line couldn’t see me defeated. Not like this. If this demonstration ended with me pinned in place, unable to writhe from the agony scouring me clean, the Daevetch students would use my defeat to justify using overt power to solve their problems. Meanwhile, fear of the dark energy would breed among the Ele students.
Despite pain’s nipping attempts to distract me and Nylion’s sobs, tearing at my heart, I reached for Bright, yanking a vast swathe of Ele to me. Tranquility and calm washed my body free of Daevetch’s corruption. A sparking, red mist cleared, and even though I was still twitching from the cessation of such an overload, I managed to direct an Ele spike into Nessaira’s turned face. The thread wiggled through her eye socket and to the base of her skull, and I promptly sent her to sleep.
Rhylix started running to me, but I shouted at him—
“NO!”
—sending him stumbling to a halt.
“I nghh-” I moaned with my jaw unintentionally clenching. “I can nghh-”
I panted on my side, waiting. Watching Nylion gather himself. With a fierce shake of his body, he crawled to me, sitting at my head, until we held our body’s strings once more. Accepting Nylion’s help, I climbed to my feet, and only then did I let Rhylix come to me. While my friend looked me over, quickly focusing on my shoulder wound, I cleared my throat.
“Daevetch has its uses,” I said, addressing the students. “It has more practical applications in combat, allows instantaneous travel across the globe, and can easily hold an enemy captive. In every way, it seems superior to Ele. But!”
I held up a finger.
“One should never underestimate an Ele primeancer. What matters in a battle between primeancers, you see, isn’t which primal force holds dominion or what each primeancer can accomplish. What matters is you.”
I swept my finger over the students.
“Your resourcefulness, your ingenuity, your internal abilities—not what Ele and Daevetch give you—will determine the fight.”
With that, I turned my back on the crowd, and gradually, the students started chattering, a mumble tinged with incredulity and grudging respect. I let my friend finish his work on my shoulder, but then, Nylion, Rhylix, and I trudged to stand over Nessaira with my other half quietly hissing, and after waking her, I offered her a hand to her feet, tightly clenching it before she could let go.
“Don’t EVER do that to me again,” I said.
Her face fell, and when I released her hand, she hugged herself.
“I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but my students needed to see a victory. They’re the ones who are most hunted in Auden, more so than those of Ele, because of Doldimar’s legacy. I wanted to show them that we can protect ourselves, that we can be safe. I wanted to…”
Trailing off, Nessaira winced.
“I wanted to win,” she whispered. “I don’t know what came over me.”
Rhylix and I exchanged a glance.
“How much Daevetch have you been using recently?” the Eselan asked.
“More than normal,” Nessaira said, flicking her eyes to Rhylix and away. “The kids… they need an adult to forge the way for them. I’ve been using Daevetch to an abnormal degree, trying to show them that it isn’t wrong for them to be what they are.”
Chewing on my lip, I glanced at the Daevetch students. Not many were standing in that corner. While on her tour of Auden, Ring had found six who’d agreed to attend a school for primeancy, but of them, one had disappeared on her way to Elisk.
Of the five who’d safely arrived, the oldest was Tejesper, who said he was fourteen, and the rest clung to him, looking for protection. Everyone in that group was motley, despondent, and withdrawn. One of the girls had even developed a nervous tic, a condition that had only facilitated her status as ‘a crazy primeancer’, and the others presented a visage of guarded vulnerability to the world, flinching from raised voices and unexpected motion. They reminded me of Nylion.
So, I understood why Nessaira seemed so careworn.
“I know you’re doing what you must to care for your charges,” Rhylix said, “but you need to take care of yourself too. Daevetch primeancers are considered unstable for a reason. Use too much dark energy, and you will go insane.”
“Earning these kids’ trust without your primeancy will be difficult, but we need you able in body and mind to teach them. Ease up on your usage,” I finished for my friend.
I was curious whether Nessaira would take what I’d said as a suggestion or a command.
Rhylix’s kindness toward Nessaira surprised me. Supposedly, the very sight of Daevetch and its primeancers revolted my friend, one of the reasons that Nylion continued to be so wary of a second encounter with him. My friend must truly believe in my vision, considering how far he’d gone to accommodate this woman.
“Thank you. I’ll keep your advice in mind,” Nessaira said. “In the meantime, you might want to return your students to their spire. The way they’re looking at my kids makes me uneasy.”
Making a face, Rhylix said, “You’re probably right. Always a pleasure, Nessaira.”
He bowed before calling for his Ele students to follow him home.
“I dislike that man,” Nessaira said once he was gone, “but you made an excellent choice with him, Your Majesty. He’s right. I used a Vice on you, for Alouin’s sake! I’ll stop using my primeancy for a time.”
“Probably for the best,” I said. “Is there anything else I should show your students? Shade melding? If you want, I could make a stair out of the wall.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but no, Your Majesty. You’ve spent enough of your day of leisure on us,” Nessaira said. “Go see your wife. I’m sure she’s eagerly waiting for your return.”
“I doubt it,” Nylion said. “She has been rather busy with her own projects lately.”
Fixing him with a stare, I gave a small shake of my head.
“In that case, I’ll take my leave,” I said.
Nessaira bowed, and in a fit of mischief, I shade melded home, leaving Pointer behind. I stepped out of the shadows and into the dark. Thick satin and velvet smothered me, and I swam through fabric until I emerged, gasping, into empty air.
“This is not where you meant to go, is it?” Nylion asked.
“What do you think?” I said under my breath.
Where was I, though? Illuminating the area with Ele, I irritably huffed on viewing navy-blue uniforms folded on one side of the space while gowns hung on the other. Gods, Ren hated those things, but the proper appearance of a queen must be maintained, especially when she faced an ever-present hatred, simply for her heritage.
The uniforms, the dresses, the heels, the boots. I’d overshot. Again. Pushing the wardrobe’s doors open, I tumbled to the floor, springing to my feet on landing.
“You here, love?” I called.
Once beside our bed, I unbuttoned and loosened my jacket’s collar, listening for any sound, but no answer was returned to me.
Humming, I stepped around the bed to a spacious, curved wall. Drawing its curtains to the side, I squinted at sunlight’s sudden appearance before strolling onto the balcony outside.
Not in bed, not out here, and I’d seen no sign of her in the rest of our small suite. Where was she?
Behind me, paper flapped in the breeze, and I turned to the garden table that the noise had come from. Wilting foliage was draped over a flowerpot’s rim, one that was pinning a folded sheaf to the table. A largely lettered ‘My Love’ was scrawled in Ren’s handwriting above a wax seal, and sighing, I retrieved it. While Nylion settled into a chair on the other side of the table, I flopped into the other one, breaking the seal.
NylRaimie,
I’ve gone to see Chela. The healer thought she felt something during my last visit, so she’s increased their frequency. Knowing Chela, I may be with her for the rest of the afternoon. I know you probably wanted to spend your day of leisure with me, but these visits are important, and we’ll always have tonight.
Besides, when was the last time you had time alone, to be used in whatever fashion you desire? Try to have fun, and for the sake of all that’s holy, DO NOT research Doldimar’s possible hiding spots this afternoon. Your wife begs you to indulge yourself for once.
-Ren
P.S. I want both of you at once tonight. Shall we try again?
I lowered the paper with a groan while Nylion clicked his tongue. One time, I’d shared with Ren the fate of the Enforcer who’d killed her brother. I’d meant it as a kindness, so that she would know justice and vengeance had been served, but she’d only absorbed one fact from the story: that Nylion and I had shared our body for a brief spell.
Ever since then, she’d badgered us to once more attempt that wondrous experience. How many times had I told my wife that we didn’t know how we’d managed it the handful of times that we had? Ren couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that what we’d done had been totally and completely instinctual, mind separate from action.
Plus, I didn’t think she knew what she was asking of us. Attempting to merge Nylion while being intimate with her in any way made my skin crawl, and Nylion always cringed from the idea as well. Withstanding her touch without first recoiling still took everything we had.
But Ren had stayed with us. Despite the mess we were, she’d stayed.
“She is incorrigible,” Nylion said, lifting his face with closed eyes to the Sun.
“We love her anyway,” I murmured.
“Yes, we do.”
Leaning my head against the glass behind me, I closed my eyes, wondering how long I had before Pointer came looking for me.
Poor man. He’d assumed the worst bodyguard rotation of the year: the week of the liberation’s anniversary. Only four years had passed since Doldimar had vanished, and the Audish people had begun to celebrate this time of year with gusto, forgetting their fear. It made me sick, not out of disgust for them but with dread. How could they not see this period of lulling for the trap that it was?
The members of the Hand dreaded this week. Their charge was at his most petulant, his most likely to slip free of their watch. Oswin had laughingly told me that Little, the one originally assigned the duty this year, had bargained two months of bodyguard rotation away to get Pointer to switch with him, a testament to his reluctance. Since he’d lost his target after the investiture ceremony, Little had taken his diligence to previously unseen extremes, even more so than after the events at Qena.
Too bad for him. Now that Ren and I were ‘officially’ married, I’d mellowed. I was actually looking forward to the Anniversary Ball in two days’ time. Then again, my excitement probably had more to do with the announcement that Ren and I planned to make that night than anything else.
I wondered if Auntie would come. Kaedesa had recently returned to Auden for a short, two-month sojourn, but I knew Ada’ir inundated its queen with balls when she was home. She probably wouldn’t want to attend another one while she was here.
If she failed to make an appearance, I’d personally share the announcement at a later date, which might be better for everyone involved. I’d love to see the look on Auntie’s face, not to mention Dath's, when I gave her the news.
The ball wasn’t for a couple of days, though, and in the meantime, I needed something to occupy my time.
“What to do, what to do?” I yawned, lazily drumming my fingers on the table.
“We could go exploring,” Nylion said. “Scurrying about Daira’s districts was our favorite pastime as a kid. Now, we have the world at our fingertips.”
“That sounds nice, Nyl, but perhaps a nap first,” I said. “Gods, how old does that make me sound?”
“We are almost twenty-four. While not old, it is also not eighteen,” Nylion said. “Besides, you are running a kingdom, heart of my heart, and since you refuse to appoint sufficient ministers to help you with governance, the task runs you ragged. So, yes. A quick nap might be in order.”
All that answered him was my quiet snoring, and softly chuckling, he reached across the table to run his hand through our hair. Then, he vanished.
Chapter 89: My Chosen Life
Kylorian
When I stepped into headquarters, I was almost immediately ambushed by Larkspur, one of my subordinates. I lifted a finger in her face before she could speak.
“You know how this goes,” I said. “A quarter mark. Whatever it is can wait for a quarter mark while I get situated in my office.”
With a heavy sigh and an eyeroll, Larkspur backed off, letting me pass her. I hurried to my tiny, corner office because despite what I’d told my subordinate, I knew if one of them came at me with that level of urgency, they usually meant to convey something dire. I needed to get through my initial routine as quickly as possible so I could hear the news.
Once in my office, I pulled a key from a pocket to unlock the tiny chest on the rickety table behind my desk. Both surfaces were littered with quills, inkpots, food crumbs, and roughly crafted paper, but I ignored it, all to retrieve the chest’s contents.
The pistol was heavy in my hands as I carefully loaded it. Shortly after Doldimar had vanished from Auden, Raimie and Spymaster Oswin had interviewed and employed several blacksmiths to produce a plethora of these weapons, to be given to soldiers in Auden’s army. Owning one was strictly regulated to those soldiers, but soon after I’d become the Minister of Public Safety, the king had given me one as well.
I hated having it on my person, not trusting myself with something so destructive, but I couldn’t deny how much it helped with my job.
Still, I only carried it while working, leaving it locked in my office the rest of the time. The only exceptions to that personal rule were at events that posed a greater than normal risk to the king. For example, I planned to wear it in a concealed holster at the upcoming Anniversary Ball, when several dignitaries from somewhat hostile kingdoms would be in attendance.
Shoving the pistol into its secured harness on my belt, right beside my sword, I took a couple of deep breaths, shoving my personal problems to the side. While I was working, I was Auden’s faithful servant, a position I thoroughly enjoyed, and I wouldn’t let anything get in the way of that.
All right. Now, I could start the day.
Larkspur was waiting to pounce outside of my office. Practically vibrating with anticipation, she waited until I’d closed and locked my office door before speaking.
“There was a murder this morning,” she said as soon as I looked at her. “So far, it looks like a mugging gone wrong, but we haven’t verified that yet.”
A murder? That was unusual. Elisk might be the largest city in Auden, but violence—of the life-ending variety, at least—was fairly limited here. It seemed most of the populace was still fairly sick of seeing, enacting, or otherwise experiencing someone’s death, when it came before their time.
Which wasn’t to say that murder never happened. I wasn’t sure any sizeable population of humanity could go for long without it, terrible as that was, but it was rare enough to surprise me.
Still.
“Why are you bringing this to me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “It sounds like standard investigative work, and you all tend to only bring me in on the cases that could lead to civil unrest.”
Even if I was a Minister and all of Elisk’s peacekeeping forces eventually reported to me, I usually let my subordinates run the day-to-day operations of my office, waiting for them to let me know where my brand of influence was needed. Unless they brought something up with me, I stuck with grunt work, like patrols, or served in any short-staffed positions.
“The death occurred in the neighborhood closest to the western gate,” Larkspur solemnly told me.
Slamming my eyes closed, I made a face.
“Shit,” I whispered.
That was one of the most recently opened sections of the city, ready for habitation now that Doldimar’s former influence had been cleansed from it. When Raimie had taken over Elisk, the city had been full of bodies—victims for the Kiraak—poisoned wells, and genuinely unsafe living conditions. Clearing them out had been a steady but long slog.
But of more importance to the present moment, the more recently opened neighborhoods were where most of Auden’s recent influx of Eselan immigrants tended to settle.
Opening my eyes, I met Larkspur’s gray gaze.
“Is that why you’re in the office instead of on patrol?” I asked.
Larkspur was one of the handful of Eselan subordinates I’d recruited, but she was the only one scheduled to work today.
Ducking her chin, Larkspur broke eye contact.
“My partner thought it might be best,” she murmured.
I nodded.
“I understand,” I said, “and so long as you agree with him, you’re welcome to stay here for as long as you like.”
As soon as she’d acknowledged my words, I continued, “Mind telling me where I’m headed?”
Larkspur gave me directions, and I left the office. As I walked down city streets, I took the pulse of the crowd around me. Most people seemed calm or excited, but in a happy way. I didn’t sense much tension or fear, which relieved me.
A happy populace, living in a safe environment that also met their needs, led to less violence between its members. That, in turn, led to less work for me, not that I minded working, but I did enjoy seeing less crime among the people I cared for.
As king, Raimie had done an excellent job with fostering this environment. I was honestly impressed that he’d gotten so far in such a short amount of time. Sure, he’d had a head start before taking the throne: all those years we’d spent contesting the throne between us.
But still.
None of this was to say the Audish were perpetually at peace with one another. That wasn’t possible in any nation, much less one where most of its population had some form of battle fatigue. But to date, Auden’s recovery from Doldimar’s reign had gone exceptionally smoothly.
When I reached the crime scene, I greeted the people standing guard as professionally and calmly as possible. My subordinates looked nervous, flicking their eyes over every citizen who passed in front of the alley they were blocking. They let me through, and I slowly approached the body slumped against one of the alley’s walls, trying to prepare.
I never liked seeing bodies—who did?—but the dead Esela who’d been popping up over the last year had been among the worst of those I’d seen. The Audish hadn’t taken their arrival to our shore well, and that distaste had been shown through crimes like this one.
When I looked upon this body, however, I was relieved to see no obvious mutilation to it. They were slumped sideways at the base of the wall with their head bowed against their chest. If I hadn’t already known about the murder, I’d think they were sleeping off a drunken bender.
I supposed the shallow pool of blood around them helped to dispel the illusion too. The killing wound wasn’t obvious from this angle, but from the volume of that pool, it must have clipped a vital blood vessel.
I crouched in front of the body to take a closer look and immediately cringed. Someone had gouged this Eselan’s gray eyes out. I wasn’t sure yet if the perpetrator had done that due to extreme emotion or out of a vain hope to cover up what amounted to a crime committed out of hatred. The Eselan’s hair was a muted brown and black combination, something that might have let them pass as human without their gray eyes, so maybe their murderer had wanted to delay our discovery of their race.
I could see no other obvious clues, so straightening, I returned to my subordinates at the alley’s end.
“Any witnesses?” I asked.
They both gave me the side-eye before replying in the negative, not that I could blame them for that. The Audish people still distrusted anyone in a peacekeeping position, given that the last people who’d held that role had been mostly Kiraak, Overseers, or Conscripted. Much as they might love Raimie, idolize him even, they still had issues with trusting him and his decisions.
And so, the citizens of Elisk tended to avoid my subordinates whenever possible.
Sighing, I passed a hand over my face.
“Well, see if you can find anything else connected to the crime nearby,” I said. “I’ll work my charm on the locals. See if they’ll give me anything. We’ll meet back at headquarters by midday and go from there.”
The two tried to salute, which I winced at and waved off. We weren’t the military, and I had no desire to run us into anything like one.
I made my way up and down the streets that bordered the alley, speaking with residents and shop owners alike. Much like with Raimie, my efforts to help our people during our former contest had helped to ingratiate them to me. Still, that didn’t mean many would be willing to help with my current investigation, which showed when I met up with my subordinates later.
Fortunately, they’d had better luck with their side of things, although I could barely take in their new information through the depth of my frustration with my fellow citizens. I was about ready to strangle the next one who gave me the runaround on what should have been a simple line of questioning.
Thank Alouin, I’d become well aware of this warning signal, coming from my own brain, over the years, and I knew just how to handle it before it turned into something… less than pleasant.
I spent the first half of the afternoon patrolling one of Elisk’s more crime-ridden neighborhoods. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I’d come across a thief or similar ruffian who was resistant to arrest, and I could use the resulting struggle to quell any violent urges lurking in my mind. Today, that wasn’t the case.
So, I headed toward my fallback.
Once I reached home, I wasn’t sure what sort of greeting I should expect. Things had become tumultuous between me and Ivelais in the last sixteen months, even though the two of us were also closer than ever. But the reactions each of us had to our inner evils—our ‘inner Durys’, as Hadrion had once called them—had become more varied and extreme, especially on Ivelais’ part.
Cautiously, I crept through the house with my hand always near a weapon’s hilt. Ivelais and I hadn’t fought with real weapons since I’d cast my father out of my life, but it paid to be prepared.
This home was much more cluttered than the one I’d kept in Tiro. Rather than a single table and chair, several soft surfaces littered both of the house’s rooms. Charcoal drawings were hung on the walls with the ones more appropriate for mixed company in the front and the more disturbing images in the back. An unfinished drawing rested on the small desk in our bedroom, the one beneath the room’s small window.
I couldn’t find Ivelais anywhere, not that there were many places to look. My new home might be bigger than anything else I’d owned, but it wasn’t anything like the palace or even the smaller family homes that lined Elisk’s thoroughfares.
Where could Ivelais be? Maybe they’d snuck to a more secluded neighborhood, somewhere they wouldn’t feel as trapped, or they could have hooded up to chance a market visit.
Frowning, I eased open our narrow back door into the garden path behind the building, guarded by tall walls. This were the biggest reason Ivelais had decided to live with me after I’d moved to Elisk. They’d craved time outdoors where they wouldn’t have to constantly stay alert for the presence of unwanted onlookers.
For a moment, I stood in the doorway. My danger sense, highly tuned throughout childhood, had awakened, and I wasn’t sure why. The garden patch looked as abandoned as the house, so why…?
There was no helping it. I’d have to investigate the garden patch either way.
As soon as I stepped outside, a heavy weight landed on my back, and teeth clamped down hard on my earlobe, splitting skin. Gasping, I bit back any other noises my body wanted to make while backtracking into the house. Somehow, I managed to kick the door closed while flailing to get my attacker off of me.
I managed that rather important task right as a sharp edge grazed against my neck, right over the blood vessel that would see my dead if it had been broken. Tossing my attacker away, I drew my sword while noting the distinctive features across from me.
“What the fuck, Ivelais?” I hissed.
They didn’t reply, merely leaping at me again with the knife they were holding extended. Swaying, I batted that blade aside, barely managing to regain my balance in time to spin around their careening body. They slammed into the back door, and I was right there after them, shoving them face first into its wooden surface.
“Is it really that bad today?” I gasped into their ear.
They manically laughed while throwing their head back into my face. I stumbled away from them, losing track of them for a split second. In that time, Ivelais got something behind my legs, and I collapsed onto our bed. With a delighted shriek, they jumped onto my lap, slapping their hands into my shoulders. I couldn’t maintain my balance. They bore down so hard with their hips and hands that I was afraid the force of it might tear through our bed’s straw mattress.
Disoriented, I watched skin and hair blur until two soft surfaces whacked into my mouth. I tasted blood as Ivelais quite literally shoved their tongue through my lips.
Well. This wasn’t quite what I’d been looking for when I’d come here, but… it would work just as well.
Releasing my grip on my sword, I flipped us away from it, wrapping my hands around Ivelais’ throat. I maintained the kiss while applying pressure, almost enough to choke them out.
Things followed a fairly standard pattern for us after that. We spent a good quarter to half mark violently indulging in each others’ bodies, long enough to satiate our inner monsters.
Or at least, mine was satisfied by the time we fell away from one another. It purred in satisfaction at the back of my mind.
I looked over Ivelais, noting the scratches and bite marks on their skin.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
Slamming their eyes closed, Ivelais made a face before turning away from me.
“Fine,” they mumbled.
Oo. That wasn’t good.
Gently, I scooted until I’d slotted my body against theirs. I draped an arm over their stomach, pressing my nose into the back of their neck.
“Ok,” I breathed. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
They were quiet for a long time while I merely waited. Sometimes, Ivelais would let me in on their inner turmoil, although this only came after they’d let the excess off in whatever way they must. Sometimes, they closed down even tighter than they usually were. I wasn’t sure which way they’d swing today.
Eventually, they cleared their throat.
“Why haven’t you told King Raimie about me yet?” they quietly said.
I tensed. With a huff, I rolled away, sitting up.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I keep meaning to but…”
Making a face, I reached for my tunic. I wasn’t sure why Ivelais slipped from my thoughts whenever I was in my friend’s presence, but it was causing issues between them and me. Ivelais didn’t necessarily expect me to present their problem to the king so that they might become human again, but they also weren’t happy to still bear Corruption’s marks, even this long after Raimie had finished cleansing the rest of the kingdom of known Kiraak.
Sighing, Ivelais rolled my way.
“I don’t blame you for it, Ky,” they said. “I’m just worried. You’ve had such a long time to bring it and your own problem up with him, but you never have. What do you think will happen if you continue to let our problems linger like this?”
That had me frowning. My own problem? I’d addressed the issue of Tanwadur and every influence he’d once held on me over a year ago. I wasn’t sure what else Ivelais could mean.
I turned toward them, planting a kiss on their forehead.
“I know. I’ll keep trying,” I said. “Maybe I’ll remember to bring it up tonight! I’m meeting Raimie and Ren for dinner. Those two apparently have important news to share, and I’m one of the lucky few who get advanced notice of that sort of thing.”
Ivelais scowled at me for several heartbeats before sighing. Sitting up, they wrapped their arms around me, almost clinging.
“You can’t keep avoiding this,” they whispered, “not if you want to avoid any disasters he has planned.”
Abruptly, I stood up. With how long I’d spent here, I wasn’t sure how much time I had left to linger. It would take me quite some time to reach the tavern Ren and Raime had chosen as our meeting spot, given it was on the other side of the city. Had I been so wrapped up in quelling my inner monster that I’d made myself late?
“Like I said, I know,” I absently said.
Glancing at Ivelais, I lifted one corner of my mouth.
“Wish me luck tonight?” I said. “You know I might need it with all that distracting alcohol surrounding me.”
Ivelais watched me intently with their brow creased, which soon had me squirming.
Huffing out a breath, they said, “Good luck, Ky. I’ll be here when you get home.”
Nodding at them, I brightly smiled before heading toward the front door. Raimie and my sister hadn’t wanted to have a family meal in a long time. I wondered what was so momentous and urgent that it required such an important gathering.
Chapter 90: An Announcement
Rhylix
The tavern that Ren and Raimie had chosen for tonight’s gathering was loud and boisterous, a complete change from our quiet meals in the palace’s confines, but I supposed this change made sense. I’d caught my friend’s recent restlessness, a sign that Raimie would soon make a late-night foray into the city. He’d trawl the streets and mingle in taverns, and of the taverns that Raimie visited, he returned most frequently to the lively ones, the ones most similar to Sigemond’s bar in Tiro.
When a barmaid crossed in front of me, I caught her eye.
“I was told to ask for the dichotomy table?” I asked.
“Oo! The private one,” she said, all bubbles and giggles. “It’s in the far corner, by the fireplace.”
Nodding my thanks, I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd in the indicated direction. When I broke free of the press of bodies, I stopped short at the sight of the table’s single occupant.
“Hey, Rhylix,” Kylorian drawled, raising a hand in greeting. “Figures you’d be here too.”
Ren’s adoptive brother had already started partaking of the evening’s festivities, I saw. Why else would a half-empty mug be resting between his hands?
“Am I early?” I asked.
I slid to sit beside Kylorian, who snorted.
“No, they’re late,” he said, “but I think we can forgive them. Being king and queen would make anyone busy, and those two like to bite off more than they can chew. They’ve probably stumbled into a new charity project, even though today was supposed to be their day of leisure.”
“Seems to me that you’d understand that, given your own proclivities for charity work,” I said.
With a mild glare, Kylorian slurped from his mug’s contents, leaving me with nothing else to say. Ren’s adoptive brother and I had always had a shaky relationship, but it had gotten worse when I’d dropped the Ryvolim disguise after Elisk’s capture. Apparently, Kylorian didn’t take kindly to being misled, and my deception had nettled whatever good will he might have harbored for me.
As for me, I’d never forgiven Kylorian for causing Raimie unnecessary distress. Despite my friend’s insistence on their ‘friendship’, I couldn’t bring myself to pardon him as easily for the years of rivalry and hostility. Kylorian always rankled my good mood when we were in the same room.
“How’s the ministry job?” I made myself say.
“Busy,” Kylorian said.
And the conversation seemed like it might end there, but then, he continued.
“During peace or war, keeping the streets safe is hard enough without added complications, so when the king issued that proclamation to the world, welcoming Esela to Auden, it made me cringe. Within a year of that announcement, a transient flood had settled in Elisk, and my job’s difficulty has jumped a thousand-fold."
“I personally believe that opening the border to the Esela is an excellent idea, but the realm’s human population isn’t as willing to accept it. You have no idea how many crimes against the Esela I’ve processed in the last year. Every night, an excessive number of my officers patrol their city quarters to make sure no one hurts them in their sleep, and every day is spent handling their complaints of harassment or vandalism. Tell me. How am I supposed to protect Elisk when one problem binds up half of my resources?”
A hooded individual plopped onto the bench beside me.
“I suppose I should have consulted with my Minister of Public Safety before making that proclamation, then, huh?” he said. “Sorry to have made your job more challenging.”
Jumping to his feet, Kylorian said, “Your Majesty!”
“Sit down!” Raimie hissed.
Waving at the other man, he scanned the tavern for heads that might have turned our way.
“I’m here incognito. Try not to make such a fuss.”
Chastened, Kylorian slowly returned to his seat, and Raimie cocked his head.
“How are you, Ky?” he asked. “How’s the family?”
“I’m fine,” Kylorian said before his face creased. “The family, not so much. I've kept in touch with them, despite... everything."
"Since your investiture, Dury’s struggled with the idea that he’ll be bedridden for life," Kylorian continued, "and he blames his predicament on everyone else. He faults you for holding the ceremony, me for moving to Elisk so I could work for you, and Ren for the marriage…”
He trailed off, leaving the table in awkward silence.
“My condolences to Eliade,” I said, breaking it. “Marriage to someone that irritable must be a handful.”
Raimie and Kylorian laughed, probably remembering a kindly woman with her home-cooked meals and ability to silence Tanwadur with a look.
“Eliade’s adapted well to the situation,” Kylorian says, “but I’ll pass on the sentiment.”
“Good! She deserves every kindness she receives,” I said. “Now, Raimie. Where’s your wife? We only need her to get the evening started.”
“She’ll be along shortly, I’m sure,” Raimie said. “She was visiting with Chela this afternoon, and you know how that healer can be.”
“Healer?” I asked. “Is she sick? If she is, why hasn’t she come to see me?”
“Calm down, Rhy. Ren’s perfectly fine,” Raimie said with a laugh. “Just keep a lookout, all right? She’ll be here soon.”
I did as he’d asked, scanning the tavern, but worry was distracting me. Ren only visited healers when she was extremely sick. She’d rather court death than go near someone who claimed to heal for a living with too many traumatic experiences as a child prompting her visceral fear of them.
Well, fear of all of them but me.
Raimie insisted that Ren was fine, but… she’d fooled other people before him. Learning that my sister had duped her husband wouldn’t surprise me in the least.
Despite my worry, one person did catch my eye, slouched by the tavern’s door as he was.
“Did you mean to let Pointer follow you here?” I asked Raimie.
Most escapades beyond the palace wall first involved a long game of ‘losing the bodyguard’.
“This dinner was sanctioned,” Raimie said. “By which I mean I told Oswin we’d hold it without his knowledge if he said no, and he promptly agreed to it.”
“He didn’t insist on joining you himself?” I asked.
Raimie shook his hood in a negative.
“Too busy planning security for the ball.”
“Ah.”
Of course the spymaster of Raimie’s Hand would take charge of that duty. The Anniversary Ball would host thousands of people from multiple realms. On that night, the risk to the royals would be great, meaning Oswin and his spies would be extra vigilant throughout the ball’s festivities.
The ball…
I couldn’t decide what I think of the Audish people’s frantic abandonment of their watchfulness. On the one hand, I approved of their revelry in freedom and life, but on the other, I feared what would happen when Doldimar made his return. Each year without the Dark Lord built the Audish people’s vineyard of hope, so when the inevitable occurred, it would crush them like grapes beneath a vigneron’s feet.
Casting aside my fears, I returned to my inspection of the tavern. After the entry and departure of several other patrons, two women strolled inside, arm in arm and laughing at an unheard joke. Recognition failed to register for a moment, but when it did, I smiled.
Since the official wedding ceremony fourteen months ago, Ren and Ring had become fast friends. In the weeks after her ascension to the role of queen, my sister had been miserable, bogged down by other people’s expectations and judgment. She’d especially hated the necessity of a bodyguard and had mercilessly tormented the men of the Hand when they’d served in that role but with Ring…
For some reason, the two had clicked. Ever since then, Ring had become the queen’s permanent bodyguard, excluding the times she was required for other, undisclosed missions.
Tonight, the two women were glowing with happiness. Ring was gorgeous, as always, but Ren… something about her outshone the other woman. Perhaps her beauty stood out like a bonfire in a room of candles because I’d only sporadically seen her in the last few months, too preoccupied with the primeancer school to devote time elsewhere. Perhaps it was her clothes: her favored leggings and a tight tunic rather than an all-enveloping gown, or… or… maybe it was neither of those.
The ladies stopped beside our table, and was that a…? Yes, it was. Ren had a tiny bump where a flat stomach had rested not five months ago.
“You’re with child,” Kylorian hollowly muttered with wide eyes.
“You’re WITH CHILD!” I shouted.
Jumping to my feet, I twirled my sister before holding her at arm’s length.
“How many months along are you?” I asked. “Who knows? Do you have a due date yet?”
“Slow down, Rhy!” Raimie said. “Let her sit down first.”
My friend was on his feet too, and his hood had fallen back, and look at that beaming face! I grabbed Raimie, pulling him close, and let happy tears flow free. Many cycles had come and gone since… this. A creation of new life between two of my loved ones. I wanted to climb on top of the table, shout the news, run down the streets while screaming it at the top of my lungs. My friend and my sister were…
“I’m going to be an uncle,” I whispered, aghast.
Hands helped me get back on the bench, and I thunked into its wooden seat.
“What’s wrong with him?” I heard Kylorian ask. “You’ve brought us fantastic news!”
More jostling on the bench indicated that the others had settled around me.
“Give him a minute, Ky. He needs to process,” Ren said somewhere nearby. “Let’s you and me talk, brother. How’ve you been?”
Their voices merged into useless mishmash.
An innocent baby directly related to me. When Doldimar found out…
The child hadn’t even been born yet, and it was doomed. Ren’s continued survival was a miracle that I blessed and feared every day. Daily, she defied the cycle’s grind, daring it to crush her. Thousands of lifetimes and every family member murdered. All but her. Could I trust that a baby would be added to that count?
A mug and dish filled with mouth-wateringly aromatic potatoes and meat were slammed in front of me, and a rough voice commanded.
“Drink first. Then, eat.”
Raising the mug, I sipped at its foam, making a face at its horse-piss taste, but the brew was enough to drag me out of my fog, at least partially. I faced Raimie, who’d failed to draw his hood back up.
“Did that help?” my friend asked, nodding to the awful ale.
“Enormously, thank you.”
Despite its terrible taste, I swallowed another draught of the stuff before descending on my meal like a ravenous beast.
“My child will have the best protection that she can get,” Raimie said, interrupting my attempts to inhale mashed potatoes. “She’ll have an army to guard her youth, a school to teach her if she attracts a splinter, a dual primeancer father to guard her sleep, and the Champion of Ele to watch her when her other protectors can’t. Doldimar won’t touch her. If I have any say in the mater, she’ll never even hear of him.”
“She?” I asked, crooking a strained smile.
Flushing, Raimie dove into his mug.
“I’ve always wanted a daughter,” he told its contents.
We silently drank and ate, watching Ren, Ring, and Kylorian excitedly chatter on the table’s far side and yet, a world away. Raimie might be confident in his ability to protect his child, but I couldn’t say the same. His brash overconfidence… it wouldn’t end well.
“It won’t be enough,” I said.
“Maybe not,” Raimie said, “but I can’t live in fear of Doldimar. Not anymore. I will always stay vigilant for his return, but I won’t obsess anymore. You should do the same.”
“Maybe,” I muttered.
The barmaid brought another round of drinks to the table, shooting a strange look at Raimie before leaving. Her brief interruption gave me enough time to finish my meal.
As the contentment of a full belly spread through me, I let it brush aside terror and rising despair. Disaster wasn’t threatening anyone tonight. I’d enjoy that while it lasted.
“How far along is she?” I asked.
“Somewhere between four and five months,” Raimie said. “We’re not sure.”
“How are you not sure?” I asked.
If Ren had been keeping track of her bleeding sequence, timing how long she’d been with child should be easy, but again, Raimie blushed, ducking his head.
“Things have been rather… animated in the bedroom, and running a kingdom has kept us reasonably busy outside of it,” he said. “When she gave me the news, Ren told me it had been two or so months since the last… bleeding.”
He shuddered.
“Ah.”
Yes, vibrant intimacy and a lack of free time would account for their uncertainty. As if fueled by awkwardness, our second round disappeared faster than the first, but the barmaid was attentive to our needs, pushing through a crowded room with a third round almost as soon as we were finished. When she deposited our drinks, she leaned closer to Raimie, squinting.
“I could swear…” she said.
Shifting beneath her attention, Raimie reached for his mug, and that movement shifted his collar to reveal a pair of circles, black and white, on a navy-blue collar.
“Alouin, you are,” the barmaid breathed with her mouth forming a little ‘O’.
Turning, she inhaled to yell until Raimie snatched her wrist.
“Please, don’t,” he said.
“But… you’re the king,” she whispered. “You should have the nicest table in the place, the best ale-”
“I don’t want any of that,” Raimie said. “I want a quiet night in a regular tavern with my closest friends.”
The barmaid pursed her lips, thinking.
“If you want me to keep your secret, you’ll have to pay me,” she said.
Making a face, Raimie released her before digging through his pockets.
“Very well,” he said. “I think I have some spare chits somewhere.”
“Not with money, silly,” the barmaid said, giggling. “With a kiss. I’ve always wanted to kiss a king.”
She leaned forward invitingly.
“Oh!” Raimie stammered, flicking his eyes around the table for help. “Uh…”
And I snickered. I couldn’t help it. This scene was straight from one of those horrible fairy tales that my friend loved, and he’d fallen right into the middle of it.
“Hey, wench!” Ren snapped, struggling to reach her feet. ‘That’s my husband you’re propositioning. Hands off!”
The barmaid whipped her head toward the noise, taking in Ren’s apparel with a sneer, but the ugly look dropped when she met my sister’s gray eyes.
“You’re the queen,” she whispered.
A throwing knife had appeared in Ren’s hand, and she tumbled it between her fingers.
“Yes,” she growled, “and this queen will filet you like a fish if you don’t STEP the HELL away from my husband.”
Without another word, the barmaid fled.
“Thank you, love!” Raimie gasped.
“Keep it on,” she snarled.
Then, she gracefully sank to the bench and resumed her lively chat with Ring and Kylorian.
“She’ll be fun to deal with for the next four-ish months,” I said.
“I’m already terrified,” Raimie said.
Reaching for his third drink, he downed it in one go.
Someone else brought the next round, which was a wise decision on the barkeep’s part, all things considered. Ren, Kylorian, and Ring’s animated chatter eventually drew me and Raimie into their circle, and soon enough, our table was roaring with laughter and spun tales.
At some point, I gave up on keeping track of these delightful hours, instead indulging in a contest with Ele over whether I could escape sobriety tonight. When I achieved my goal and the room started to fuzz over, I stopped drinking, and soon after, the king and queen made their farewells with my friend leaning on my sister as they left. Two spies silently followed their path, keeping to a much straighter line than their charges did.
“I think I’ll go too,” I said with my words slightly slurred. “You?”
“I’ll stay for a little while longer,” Kylorian said.
He looked so melancholy that I was reluctant to leave him alone, but I had an early morning lesson planned for my students as well as a field trip at week’s end. I should sober up and rest beforehand.
“Rhy,” Kylorian said, snatching my sleeve, “keep them safe.”
“That’s what I do,” I said.
But I also cocked my head. Was Kylorian that concerned about the royal couple?
Releasing me, Kylorian slowly nodded before returning the full weight of his attention to his mug, and frowning, I decided not to pressure him. Gods, he looked miserable enough right now without his sister’s full-blood brother getting in his face.
“Good night, Ky,” I said.
But then, I was out the door. The outside air was crisp, one of fall’s signals that it would soon turn to winter, and I headed for the palace, absently humming to myself. Alcohol’s pleasant buzz added a skip to my step, especially considering how rare this feeling had been for me to achieve throughout my life.
I took a detour through one of Elisk’s few remaining abandoned districts, examining a wall of stone with a fierce glare. For years now, I’d wanted to climb the cliff face that the palace rested on, and the warmth in my belly had given me the courage to try. I was sure I could handle its height so long as I didn’t… look… down.
I slowed to a stop. Something felt off, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. It tickled at my awareness, setting my nerves on edge, but I couldn’t-
“Really, E. I thought you’d have noticed me by now.”
That voice, emerging from the night like a wraith, made me bristle. It was so familiar, almost as recognizable as my own. Who…?
Turning toward the voice’s origin, I stumbled with the world violently spinning.
“Are you… drunk? That’s priceless!”
Manic laughter filled the air, and hearing it, I knew who was speaking. I reached out for my source with panic swimming in my veins, but it chose not to respond to me in this, the moment of my greatest need.
“Draw from me, Eriadren,” Creation snapped, appearing beside me.
I was already doing that, pulling enough Ele to myself to banish intoxication’s effects.
“Oo! Neat trick! Can’t wait to try it on Corruption.”
“Why are you here?” I shouted.
Making a circle, I scanned vacant windows and doors, soon coming up empty. Where in the void was the bastard?
“I hear congratulations are in order. You’re going to be an uncle, E! How sweet.”
I leapt and lurched until I landed on the home’s pinnacle, and there he was, the voice’s source.
“Answer the question, Doldimar,” I said.
My enemy (friend) made a face.
“You’re no fun, but if you insist, we can commence with our business,” Doldimar said. “Have you noticed how different this cycle’s been? Of course you have. You sent me that note. Your messenger’s fine, by the way. He’s one of my newest Enforcers.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. When I’d caught that boy stalking me after Teron’s death, I’d sent the kid running with a message for Arivor, but turning the boy into an Enforcer hadn’t been the end that I’d hoped for him.
“What do you want?” I snapped.
“You’re always so bitter, E,” Doldimar said, “It’s almost enough to hurt my feelings.”
And he almost looked like he was hurt, the bastard. I hated it, hated what Daevetch had made of my oldest friend, hated all the atrocities that he’d committed, the ones I’d have to help Arivor deal with once this cycle ended.
Fuck this curse.
“Are you planning on harassing Raimie again?” I asked.
I didn’t expect an answer, but I had to get my mind off of the cycle. Off of Ele and Daevetch.
“I won’t let you hurt him or the baby-”
“Hardly,” Doldimar said, inspecting his fingernails. “My plan for the upstart king is already in motion.”
I became a man-shaped carving with my thoughts the only part of me to stir, skittering against the ice of my skull. Returning to the palace would be my first course of action, obviously. I’d have to warn Raimie before taking him and the family somewhere safe, somewhere they could hide and wait. Make a plan to-
“No. I’m here for you, E,” Doldimar continued.
Snapping my head up, I looked—truly looked—at my adversary (comrade). Doldimar’s full lips were curled into an eager smile, and despite the night’s weak light, his eyes were twinkling.
Damnit.
“Are you here to kill me?” I asked.
If he wanted to eliminate the Champion of Ele before the opposite could occur, tonight would be the best chance he’d ever stumbled upon. Before I’d left for dinner, I’d stored my weapons in my room. Without them, I could put up a decent fight, but Lighteater was hanging on Doldimar’s hip. With it there, the fight’s end was already determined.
“I’m here to extend an invitation,” Doldimar said, dashing my guilty hopes. “Since this cycle has diverged so significantly from those of the past, I thought we might visit a long-abandoned home before we cut to the end game."
“Did you know it’s still there? The little cottage, the paintings, the garden. It’s all preserved. I thought that since this has a high chance of becoming our final cycle, we should go to the city Lirilith loved.”
I took a step forward without thinking.
“You don’t say her name.”
Shrugging, Doldimar backed into the shadows cast by a chimney.
“I’ve extended the invitation. You can choose to accept. Or not,” he said. “Our home city is where I’ve been hiding for the last four years: scheming, gathering troops, and turning ordinary Kiraak into Enforcers. Meet me there and see. Maybe if you’re fast enough, you can stop me from inflicting the tragedy that I have planned for poor, tormented Raimie.”
Making a mockingly sympathetic face, he vanished.
“No!” I shouted.
Sprinting along the rooftop’s length, I shoved a hand into the shadows, casting out for the dispersed particles of my enemy (friend), but Doldimar was gone. I screamed my frustration, punching the chimney’s brick, and the resulting sharp pain in my knuckles served as another reminder that I was the weakest I’ve been since the disastrous experiment that had poisoned me with Ele.
Hissing, I sucked on my hand. My course was clear. I could stay here, follow the plan, train primeancers, and prepare for an inevitable assault but…
Doldimar had something specific planned for Raimie. He’d been so confident that he’d accomplish it, but I knew where he was, meaning I had a chance to stop this supposed tragedy before it began.
I didn’t have much choice in the matter, even if it was most definitely a trap. I’d go home and end this cycle.
Adventures of the Hand 5.1
Ring
To enter the ballroom was to step into a different time and a beautifully exotic place. The palace staff had outdone themselves with the decorations this year. One need only compare their efforts to the foreigners’ contribution to see the care and attention that had been imbued into the task.
Let it not be said, however, that Auden’s allies had come bearing less than their best gifts.
The Matvai had made a significant appearance this evening, wrapped in their furs and charm-entwined hairstyles. As a sign of continued goodwill between their peoples, the northerners had gifted the Audish with intricately carved ice sculptures that dominated each serving table as well as a small ice palace to ensconce the room’s musicians.
Ada’ir’s representatives had brought beautifully embroidered tablecloths and tapestries to liven the ballroom’s otherwise stark state. The drape of colorful silk and muslin softened the room’s hard lines, providing guests with a sense of hominess.
The food, along with its presentation, was proudly Audish work. This fall, the realm had celebrated its first bountiful harvest, and evidence of their plenty was artfully piled on top of cloth-draped tables, towering so high that the tables threatened to groan.
Floral arrangements, artificially frosted over, joined Ada’ir’s tapestries in hiding the frescoes that the king had off-handedly called garish several months ago. Raimie might not have meant what he’d said or intended what had happened afterward, but his staff was attentive to his every need, including the aesthetic. When his attention had been diverted elsewhere, they’d been slowly replacing the frescoes, hiding their work with disguises when circumstances had called for it. Today, flowers masked their reconstructive efforts.
Doors opening onto the gardens had been flung wide in preparation for the Qenan display later this evening. Scientists from the quaint town could be found in every corner, bragging to anyone who would listen about their discovery: their ‘fireworks’.
Above everyone’s heads hung the king’s contribution. For those firmly planted on the ground, those little lights seemed to airily float by themselves, but of course, that was an illusion, an impossibility. Each glowing source was a small candle, surrounded by a globe of scavenged paper, with that thin barrier effectively diffusing the light. Lines of sturdy wire had been strung through those globes at uneven intervals and inclines from wall to wall.
Raimie had spent hours making impressive acrobatic leaps and disappearing acts to properly rig them, but their effect made his work seem worthwhile. The lights stole the gazes of guests when they first entered the hall, and many exclaimed about how the stars had descended to float among them. A handful had even grown faint at this idea.
And the people! Even after four years of unimpeded recovery, the average Audish citizen couldn’t claim much in the way of wealth, but on this most special of occasions, when the king and queen had invited anyone and everyone into their home, they came dressed in their best.
Deciphering which people belonged to which faction was a rather simple undertaking.
The Matvai with their loud Vasnavai wore their fur-lined caps and knee-length tunics, wrapped with colorful sashes at their waists, and their traditional weapon of choice—the ax—hung between their shoulder blades. They crowded around tables that had been carefully laden with hundreds of glasses, each filled with the vodka that they so thoroughly enjoyed. Drunken singing and shouts were already bursting from them, even at this early hour.
The visitors from Ada’ir wore their elaborately stuffy gowns and suits. Their small number stayed on the fringes, isolating themselves with their air of superiority.
The average Audish citizens, gathered from Elisk to the border, sported a similar dress to their cousins from Ada’ir, but theirs was noticeably faded and threadbare in comparison. It also reflected the style of their beloved king. More militaristic when compared to the embroidered and bejeweled gowns of the guests from Ada’ir, their clothing claimed only natural colors. For the most part, the Audish stuck to the black and navy-blue palette that Raimie favored.
A few primeancer students had gathered the courage to descend from their spires and join the fun. Their uniforms stuck out from the rest of the crowd like a sore thumb, following the same lines as the Audish military uniform: the same trousers but in a more pliable material, the same silky undershirt but without a jacket to conceal it. Instead, a circular pin stabbed the undershirt’s fabric where the jacket’s lapel would rest. The pin’s color—white or black—declared the wearer’s primeancy affiliation.
Since this was a formal occasion, many of the students had borrowed jackets that just happened to hide their pins. Even with their pitiful attempt to blend in, people gave the primeancers a wide berth, a fact that surprisingly, they had yet to notice. Students from both sides of the primeancy line giggled and happily screeched with one another. Some of the small ones were openly using Ele or Daevetch as they chased one another through the crowd, and guests scrambled to clear a path for these frolicking children.
If the norms uneasily avoided the primeancers, they hostilely ostracized the Esela, but those implacable people didn’t seem to mind. Over the years, they’d come to expect behavior like this. It didn’t matter that the same antipathy they’d experienced in other realms was also exhibited here. What did matter was that the royal family had invited them to such an important, human celebration in the first place.
Along with the rest, they wore their finest garments, but of all the factions gathered here tonight, their attire was the most eclectic. A handful of Audish military uniforms represented the Zrelnach, and Ada’ir’s finery was sprinkled among the strangeness that the rest were clad in.
Big, poufy pants and bare chests; white robes that fell to the tile; floor-length, silk kimonos, embroidered with scenes of pure fantasy; skimpy cloth strips that covered the bare minimum, all poorly hidden by an airy gauze…
When I stepped into the ballroom for an initial threat assessment, a dancer in gossamer finery was what caught my eye, and on seeing that outfit, my stomach lurched. Hurrying back around the corner, I dry heaved into a fist.
“Is there a problem?” Raimie asked before Ren shushed him.
Her skirt’s rustling fabric was my only indication that the queen had come near.
Gently rubbing my back, Ren asked, “What’s the matter?”
“Visions of a past I thought long forgotten,” I said, wiping my mouth. “I’ll be fine, and you two are safe to enter. No signs of hostile intent.”
Ren hesitated, resting her hands on the bump that her gown was purposefully hiding, and internally, I sang with gratitude for how much my friend cared.
“Go, go!”
I shooed them away with a wave.
“I’ll be right behind you.”
After another concerned pout from Ren, the couple strode into the ballroom. Raimie grabbed his wife’s hand as they turned the corner, and taking a deep breath, I followed them, slinking to the room’s fringes.
I found it funny how quickly the room fell silent when Raimie entered it, remembering a time when his childlike lisp had gone unnoticed in a crowd, and now, his presence elicited an intense response from everyone caught in it. To be fair, Raimie had matured since his Hand training in Daira. At some point, he’d finally, finally reacquired the confident air that he’d lost alongside his mother in his long-past accident, and when he smiled, he oozed charm. He placed a hand on Silverblade’s hilt—not Shadowsteal, always so careful not to touch that sword—and everyone around him knew that they’d found the safest place on earth to be.
The best part? This charm, confidence, sense of safety? All of this was unintentional. This was Raimie, king of Auden, in his natural state.
So, when he led his queen forward to stand in front of the crowd and tugged on his sleeve, no one else saw a nervous habit. They saw a man perfecting his image, a man comfortable enough to smooth clothing that was bothering him, an altogether forgettable action. When he clasped his hands behind his back, they didn’t know that Raimie was clenching them to stop them from trembling. They only knew that their king wanted to address them. Even the raucously drunk Matvai drifted closer so they could listen to his speech.
“This ball celebrates many things, chief among them freedom from a tyranny that lasted centuries,” Raimie said, “but with that celebration, we must also include the tenacity of the Audish people, a spirit that never gave up, even in the darkest of times.”
He paused for a moment, assuming a faraway look that meant he’d changed his mind and would execute his new plan whether it was a good idea or not. It was a look that the Hand had grown to dread over the years, and so, I casually brushed my fingers over my weapons, scanning the crowd in preparation for what might come.
Relaxing, Raimie dropped his clenched hands to his sides.
“I assume most of you know I’m not from here. Sure, descended from Audish citizens, their king even! But not. from. here,” he said. “When I unearthed Shadowsteal in Ada’ir and reluctantly commenced my journey, I honestly didn’t know what to expect from this place. Because of a years-long embargo between our kingdoms, Auden had become a land of fables and myth in my homeland. So, when Rhy and I were stranded on Auden’s shore, away from our group and with no clue where we were, I greeted this great realm with hesitation. Do you know how it responded?”
He stopped, as if expecting a response, but no one dared raise their voice. When it became apparent that none would respond, Raimie answered his own question.
“It attacked me. With throwing knives.”
The crowd laughed. To the foreigners, the presented image was a funny oddity of this strange land, but to the Audish, it painted a perfect representation of their much-loved home.
After a moment, Raimie raised a hand to call for quiet.
“When I fell asleep that night, tired and afraid, I hated Auden. I thought that I’d sailed to a land that didn’t deserve saving, but over time—”
Facing Ren, Raimie took her hands.
“—I learned that maybe Auden wasn’t as horrible as I’d thought. Maybe I’d found something in this beautiful kingdom worth fighting for. Over time, I grew to love Auden more than any other realm.”
Ren teared up, but with Raimie clasping her hands, she couldn’t wipe her eyes. A single drop spilled over, running down her cheek, before Raimie caught it and swiped it away.
He turned to the crowd.
“For anyone who missed the metaphor, Ren’s the one who attacked her brother and me on our first day in Auden. She shouldn’t, however, be blamed for her hasty actions. When I look back on it, I can say with certainty that we were acting extraordinary Kiraak-like that day, skulking about the shore as we were."
“I’m sharing this story because I want you to understand why I chose her to be my wife. I’ve heard nasty rumors of ‘Esela witchcraft’ floating about court, rumors that frankly, aren’t true. Ren has never used magic on me, a fact that can be verified by the many people who’ve stood beside us since our first meeting. Our growing love wasn’t some instantaneous trick, some entrancing spell. The romance between us was one of years, much the same as what lies between Auden and me.”
The crowd had gone tense, and feeling that atmosphere coming to the point of boiling over, I carefully watched a pair of red-faced Matvai warriors near the front, drawing my pistol to loosely hold it.
“Doldimar—”
A flinch rippled through the crowd at the sound of that horrible name.
“—destroyed Auden,” Raimie continued. “This realm may have the same name, but it is not the same kingdom as the one of old. Every day, I build our new Auden from its ashes, and this realm will be one of tolerance. You don’t have to like the Esela to live next to them, but you do have to LEAVE THEM ALONE and give them their peace. The law states that in Auden, Esela and humans are equal. If you don’t like this rule, move somewhere else.”
Raimie swept his glare across everyone gathered, fixing it on the two fidgeting Matvai, and they quailed before it, taking a step back. As quickly as it had been wiped off of Raimie’s face, a delighted grin bloomed on it once more, and the crowd relaxed.
“I’m sure you’re eager to hear the announcement that I promised, so enough with the reprimand and on to the good news.”
Wrapping an arm around Ren’s waist, Raimie pulled her close
“Go on,” he said. “Tell them.”
Nervously, Ren cleared her throat.
“King Raimie and I are expecting our first child and-”
Cheers drowned out the rest of her announcement. As people rushed forward to congratulate them, the Hand, including me, worked to keep the crowd’s push down to an acceptable trickle. Soon enough, other diversions distracted the couple’s guests, and the three Hand members who were unencumbered by bodyguard rotations were freed to participate in the ball’s activities.
Adventures of the Hand 5.2
Ring
With the royals' announcement over, the musicians in their corner resumed the piece that they’d set aside for the king’s speech, and people drifted onto the dance floor. I perched on a table beside an ice sculpture, happy to pick at a nearby roast while I watched.
“You know you want to join them,” Oswi- Middle said as he stepped up beside me.
I jumped, having failed to detect his approach. Having him unexpectedly in my vicinity made my insides go warm, which made me need an excuse for my sudden blush.
“Right,” I said. “Like anyone would want to dance with this.”
I gestured at my crip uniform, my face sans powder and pastes, and my hair, pulled into a tight bun, but after following my gesture down my body, Middle merely offers me his hand.
I let him pull me into a whirling throng of people. This dance didn’t fit the style that I’d trained for as a child, but I knew its steps. I began its first clap and twirl combination, realizing the Middle had been right.
When was the last time I’d danced? When was the last time I’d let myself dance? Why had I forbidden it from myself in the first place?
On this floor, I was the master. Let the world see my beauty, my skill, my excellence.
The dance called for me to temporarily join with Middle, and I complied, even if I kept a defiant smirk affixed to my lips. Let this man have the illusion of leading me. I determined where we’d go next.
“Can’t show off too much, Ring,” Middle said with a laugh. “Raimie has a surprise performance planned.”
Which meant I couldn’t upstage whichever dancer he’d planned to take the stage.
Of course he did.
Reluctantly, I relinquished control, letting my partner lead me through the remainder of the song. He twirled me more than I’d like, but Middle was a good dancer, despite that small failing.
After a few stanzas, I surrendered, but it wasn’t to music this time. With him holding me tight, my blood sang while lightning zipped over my skin, and so much joy burbled from the place where happiness was born that I wanted to cry from it. By the time the song faded, my face felt like it might split from my beaming grin.
I wanted to do another, but Middle persuaded me to leave the dance floor.
“Raimie will start the performance soon,” he said. “Let’s stand with him.”
“Will there be danger?” Ring asked.
Giving me a funny look, Middle said, “No! I just thought you’d like to be near him and Ren.”
And I smiled at the reminder that I didn’t belong solely to the Hand.
As Middle and I approached them, the Vasnavai had hold of Raimie’s hands, refusing to let them go.
“-must give him a drop uf vodka every day, ur he wun’t grow strung,” she was saying. “And if yu ever need someone tu watch him, I would luve to du it.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Raimie said.
Giving his hands a firm shake, the Vasnavai released them, joining her drunken companions beside the vodka tables.
Eyeing an already half-empty supply of glasses, Raimie said, “I don’t know if we’ve provided enough for them.”
“Drop of vodka a day! Really. It’s no wonder their people have trouble with the simplest of academics,” I huffed. “Please, tell me you won’t be taking her advice, sir.”
“Ren would kill me if I tried,” Raimie said. “Since when have you cared about academics, Ring? You were always more focused on combat training when we were kids.”
I glared at him. When Oswi- Middle had told me that Raimie had recovered his memories, I hadn’t realized how much of an annoyance it could be. Still, I was glad he remembered our times together, back in Ada’ir.
“Where is Ren, by the way?” I asked.
“She went to bed,” Raimie said. “Something, something, baby’s making her throat burn.”
“Nasty,” Middle said, wrinkling his nose.
Lightly punching him, I hissed, “Don’t let your dislike of children ruin the king’s time of happiness!”
Raimie’s lips twitched.
“It is a bit gross,” he said.
At my disgusted glower, they both dissolved into snickers, and I rolled my eyes, waiting for them to stop laughing. Until it was out of their systems, I wouldn’t get a sensible word from either of them.
When the music faded again, Raimie perked up with his laughter abruptly dying.
“That’s my cue,” he said. “Oswin’s told me that you’re from the Southern Kingdoms, Ring, something you failed to mention in the past.”
He mock-glared at me, which I only shook my head at.
“You should especially enjoy this.”
Taking a few steps forward, he raised his arms.
“If I can have everyone’s attention, please,” Raimie called, waiting for the noise to die down. “We’ll now begin the night’s festivities with a performance from one of our newest citizens. Hailing from Hanif in the Southern Kingdoms, she’s come to show us northerners how to really dance.”
While indulgent chuckles rolled over me, I tensed. The woman I’d seen before, in sheers and jangling bracelets, stepped onto the dance floor, and seeing her, I felt my hand drift toward my pistol through a haze. After a tensely excited beat of quiet, a wild, fast-paced melody burst from the musicians’ corner, and the dancer moved, and my pistol was out, and I was pointing it at the back of Raimie’s head, and its hammer was fully cocked, and a hand was on my forearm, and a mouth pressed against my ear.
“Remember—”
“—your family,” Nasifin says. “If you don’t perform as expected, I’ll ensure that they die in debtor’s prison.”
He flings me forward with my ankle shackles already removed, and I manage to gracefully come to a stop in front of the Little Lord’s throne. Trapped in his gaze, I sprawl across the floor with my forehead to the tile and my arms stretched overhead.
“At least this one’s pretty, Nasifin,” the Little Lord says. “Let’s see how well she dances.”
A double snap precedes the mournful tone that signals the beginning of the dancer’s art. I slowly sit up, reaching for the ceiling, and bend back until my skull touches my heels. Then, I swing my body in a sweeping circle.
‘Make sure you accent your hips, butterfly,’ Papi says with his voice echoing in my head.
I corkscrew up with my hips as my center point, arching my back on the final circle. The tone from before cuts off, and I set the beat, clapping my hands overhead so that my steel and chain bracelets jingle. Now that the pace is set, the song begins in earnest, but I rise to my feet slowly, sensually, defying the beat. I meet the Little Lord’s eyes.
‘This is the most important part, butterfly,’ Papi whispers. ‘Make them see what they want to see.’
As the Little Lord hungrily watches me, I toss him a knowing smile before beginning my dance. I make it my best, undulating and whirling and rolling in ever more eye-pleasing movements. Desperation nips at my heels, but I kick it away. No time to indulge it.
For I am the essence of a dancer. I live and breathe for the dance, and this is to be my last.
I’m not sure how long it lasts. Time loses meaning when I plunge into the rhythm’s flow.
‘Don’t get too immersed, butterfly. It’s bad for your health.’
I kick Papi away too. His advice is well and good when applause and accolades come next but what will follow this…
I dance. My feet stick to the floor, but I adjust to account for it. The music stops, so I compose more in my head.
“Beautiful, talented, and determined,” the Little Lord says. “I’ll take her, Nasifin. Someone see him paid, and stop her. I want her in my bedchamber this instant.”
My stomach drops. Despite knowing my skill, I hoped that my dance wouldn’t impress the Little Lord. He’s the Little Lord, after all. What wonders must he see every day? I hoped… but hope is dead.
Reluctantly, I murder the musicians in my mind, and my body stops. I turn myself off.
Despite how hard I try to avoid them, small things sneak into my hiding place. Sounds. Scents. A bit of touch.
“She’s gone doll, poor thing,” someone says.
“Don’t worry. He won’t care.”
Cool silk under my back. The sound of ripping organza and satin. Grunts and tugging and nothing for a very long time. Finally, a snore.
I sit up, gazing dead-eyed at my surroundings. A room so lavish that it makes me sick. A bed with a man lying beside me.
I try to stand up, to drift away, but wince upon applying pressure to my feet. Lifting them, I nod with satisfaction to see their soles mangled and torn. Reaching for what remains of my clothes, I wrap satin around my feet.
Standing, I start hobbling away when liquid trickles down my leg. Curious, I follow its trail to its origin point, and my hand comes away bloody. With my stomach heaving, I fling my clean hand over my mouth to keep the nastiness inside, but it beats down my defenses, and I can’t hold it back. I can’t…
When the fit concludes, I register with dull surprise that I didn’t wake the Little Lord and subsequently, am relieved because that would have ruined the plan.
Forcing myself to sit beside him, I reach for the pin that’s binding my hair in place. It emerges from my curls sharp, shiny, and deadly. At this point, I’m supposed to be a good, little slave. I’m supposed to plunge this dagger into my heart and fall so that in the morning, the Little Lord is caught in bed with a prostitute’s corpse. All part of the day-to-day politics of what the northerners call the ‘Southern Kingdoms’.
I hover the dagger’s point over my heart. I must do this. My family needs me to do this, or they’ll be sentenced to debtor’s prison. Mami, Papi, Mosfaika, Rinata, even little Levi starving in that dark hole…
Fuck them. I’ve suffered enough. Stretching over the sleeping body of the bastard who raped me, I slit his throat. While he gurgles his death cries, I drag the sheet out from under him. How on earth am I supposed to escape from this place?
Circling the room, I stop beneath one of the decorative grates that those of noble birth use to bring fresh air into their homes. It’s so high up. Can I…? Yes.
If I drag that heavy desk into place, I can reach it, and yes, I might break my fingernails while prying the grate off. Yes, I might have to dislocate a shoulder to fit through it, but on the other side lies freedom.
I can do it. And once I’ve wrestled my freedom to the ground and claimed it, I’ll never let it go.
“—it’s in the past, Ring,” Middle whispered in my ear. “You’re pointing a pistol at your little Raimie. Will you shoot the only boy who could make you laugh when we were kids?”
I blinked, returning to the present moment, and the pistol slipped out of my grip. Fortunately, Middle caught it before it could hit the ground, returning its hammer to a half-cocked position. When he offered it to me, I hesitantly accepted it.
I furtively scanned the room, relieved to see that the exchange had gone unnoticed. My legs gave out, but once again, Middle was there to catch me. After helping me to a chair, he lowered me into it, and I propped my elbows on my thighs, hiding my face in my hands.
“It was the Little Lord, wasn’t it?” Middle asked.
When I nodded, he said not a word, merely placing a hand on my shoulder: a single point of warmth to keep me firmly grounded in the now.
When once loved music culminated in a final crescendo and polite applause rewarded the dancer’s efforts, I relaxed. I should be able to stay in control now.
“What was that?! If it had been anyone other than Ring, you’d be reaming her for her dereliction of duty. I bet you don’t even plan to reprimand her for it.”
Peeking through my fingers at Little, I cringed. What had I been thinking? At least three other people had witnessed what I’d done.
I found Pointer standing near Raimie, and he stared at me with no condemnation. Instead, disappointment lit his eyes. Every member of the King’s Hand was damaged in one way or another, except perhaps for their leader. We were supposed to be resilient enough to keep those wounds from impairing our abilities as spies, and I had failed in that regard.
“What she’s experiencing now is more than enough punishment,” Middle said.
“I let Raimie investigate a tear by himself at his insistence, and you’ve made me do the Hand’s paperwork ever since,” Little snapped. “She points a gun at the king, and her consequence is to sit there, feeling sorry for herself?”
“With your lapse, Raimie almost died,” Middle said. “With hers, no one was hurt, and no one saw it.”
Alouin bless him for coming to my defense, both when I desperately needed it and when I truly didn’t. With his hand still on my shoulder, I followed the line of his arm to his face. He answered his adoptive son so calmly, but I saw the wrinkles of worry and anger creasing the corners of his eyes.
They met mine, and as usual, I was swept up in a wave of uncontrollable—
—hunger. My body is an unwieldy sack of brittle bones and paper-thin skin. The cost of dragging that sack to my corner has finally out-weighed the gains that I’ve wrought from begging there. Something needs to change.
I have no marketable skills besides dancing, and using that talent isn’t an option. I’ll never dance again, not like that, even if it means I’ll starve.
If I get desperate enough, I could rent my body out to sex-starved men, for them to use however they wish. I think I could stomach that indignity, used goods that I am, but first, I’ll try a slightly risker plan.
For the last few months, I’ve been begging in an out-of-the-way city sector, changing my spot every day. With the hunt for the Little Lord’s assassin cooling down, however, I’ll try a spot closer to the alcazar, somewhere passersby are more likely to part with their chits.
Settling in the grand structure’s shadow, I pull my bowl into my lap and wait. I can’t cry out or draw attention to myself like the other beggars. What would happen if I attracted a guard or an alcazar staff member?
With my pretty face and gaunt figure, chits soon clink into my bowl without any supplication on my part. Faster than I thought possible, its shallow depths fill, and I get ready to return to the rag pile that I’ve begun to call home.
As I draw my shawl over my head, a pair of silver chits drop into my bowl, and I lift my face to cheerily thank the generous donors, but on seeing them, fear freezes me solid. The guards have almost turned away to resume their patrol, but one pauses when he catches sight of my face.
“Say, Rafichi, isn’t that-?”
I don’t wait for them to confirm their suspicions. Flinging the bowl at them, I’m up and running before it and my precious chits have hit the ground. Shouts of surprise rise behind me, and as I round onto the closest cross-street, a bell peals the alarm to every guard in the vicinity.
I can’t stop, can’t blend into the crowd. Slapping feet are following too closely behind me. I try everything I can to lose them: diving through merchant stalls, knocking obstacles into their path, nimbly vaulting over short fences. Nothing helps. In fact, the noise of pursuit increases in volume with every second of the chase.
They catch me in a dead-end alley, one that I thought would lead into a busy market on the other side. With my back plastered against a wall, I take panicked breaths as they draw closer with leery smiles.
“They say she lulled the Little Lord into sleep with the power of her sex,” one whispers.
“Do you think they’ll mind if we use her before bringing the body back?” another asks.
The voice of terror wordlessly screeches in my head. I’ve been so careful, always watching for guard patrols, but my hunger was all-conquering…
That hunger will get me attacked again before they murder me.
A loud bang splits through the alley’s tense air, and a guard falls to the side, clutching at his knee with a howl. The others stare at the hole that his hand covers, where his shin and foot are dangling by strings of muscle and skin from his thigh.
While they’re distracted, I dart past them toward the boy who’s pointing a smoking, metal tube their way. He extends his free hand.
“Follow me, Silivren!”
There’s no hesitation, no worry of a trap or danger. I take the stranger’s hand and run.
What rode me now wasn’t true hunger like that time, long ago, when we’d been lost teenagers. It was more desire or incredible need.
I’d unreservedly followed Middle on the day that he’d rescued me and on every subsequent day until I’d come to understand why I was sometimes a nervous wreck around him. After that realization, I’d considered running from him, even though I’d become the Ring for the Hand that he led. At the time, I’d thought it likely that I could avoid the search that would surely accompany my dereliction of duty. Fear for my life hadn’t been what had kept me from fleeing.
The reason I’d stayed had tightened my step every closer to his heel. I’d been the first to agree with his crazy plan of forming a Hand for a boy destined to be king, the most eager to hop on a boat that would transport the lot of us to Auden. I’d accepted every assignment, completed every favor. All in the hopes that he’d notice me.
Our tale, if it was to be told, needed to be perfect, a gloriously fitting reward for my suffering, but the timing had never been quite right. Always, some new danger, some urgently required project, some new fear had interfered with us.
As I sat, listening to Midd- Oswin once again come to my defense, I realized that the timing would never be right. As the Middle and Ring of Raimie’s Hand, danger and fear would always tail us. If I wanted a story of Oswin and Silivren, I needed to carve it out for myself.
I was sure that Oswin would wonder why it had taken me so long to come to this conclusion for years to come.
“Little’s right,” I said, interrupting the petty argument between the other two spies. “You favor me too much. My actions this evening have been inexcusable. Come. Let’s discuss what my punishment should be.”
Rising, I floated toward the ballroom’s exit.
Was I doing this? Really?
Yes. Shut up, doubt.
Was he following?
Don’t turn around to check, stupid.
The party and its noise fell behind me, and I smiled on hearing Oswin hurrying to catch up.
Adventures of the Hand 5.3
Ring
On drawing even with me, Oswin asked, “You don’t really think you need a sanction, do you?”
“No, but I couldn’t come up with a better way to separate you from Little. You two would have argued all night if I hadn’t intervened,” I said. “Plus, the kid’s right, Oswin. You do favor me. Why?”
“Ring… it’s Middle between the members of the Hand,” Oswin said. “You know that.”
I shoved him sideways, pinning him to the wall, and at the end of the hall, a pair of guests gasped before skittering away.
“Oswin,” I said with my body demanding answers. “Why?”
He stiffened into rock beneath my immobilizing arms.
“You know why,” he hissed through his teeth.
I did? Thinking back, I carefully analyzed our interactions’ typical rhythm.
Oswin was so formal with me. He tiptoed around me, as if afraid of breaking me, but no. He knew I wasn’t so easily hurt. If he wasn’t concerned about hurting me, who else could he fear for? Our exchanges only include the two of us. Was he afraid for himself?
Shock turned me into glass. His insistence on fixing his eyes on my face when I’d tried to tempt him in the past. The shoulders that had drifted to his ears when he’d learned that I’d used my body to successfully complete a mission. His eyes burning into mine now...
How had I been so stupid?
In a daze, I reached for the latch beside Oswin, pulling him with me into the room behind it. Inside, we found a storage closet filled with brooms, mops, buckets, an assortment of folded tablecloths, and an extensive number of other items that the palace staff might need to keep this building maintained. Claiming a mop, I threaded it through the door’s handle, angling it so that it blocked the door.
“What are you doing, Ring?” Oswin asked with genuine confusion, poor dear. “I know we’re technically free of our responsibilities for tonight but-”
Resting a finger on his lips to silence his protest, I took a shuddering breath.
“I need you to say it,” I whispered.
“Say what?” he asked. “I don’t-”
I pressed my finger harder against his lips.
“Don’t play ignorant with me,” I said with a wan smile. “We’ve known each other far too long for that to work.”
When I lifted my finger, he uncertainly eyed me.
“You first,” he said.
I couldn’t say the words before he did, couldn’t bear the pressure, but I had other ways to convey what I meant. Lifting trembling hands, I traced them over his face, over every longed-after speck of it, before rising to my toes and kissing him.
This wasn’t the hungry, passionate kiss that I gave away, like cheap sweets, to every man that my job had required me to seduce. It was gentle. Slow. But firm enough that he’d know exactly what I was saying with it.
When I pulled away, I examined his slackened features, searching for… something.
“Now, you,” I said.
Oswin cleared his throat.
“How long-? How blind have I-?” he stuttered. “What about the other… men?”
“They meant nothing. Nothing, Oswin. You should know after fifteen years as a spymaster that sex is merely another tool in a spy’s hands,” I said, shaking my head at his hesitation. “Now, you.”
“A-are you sure? I’m not the easiest person to deal with once you get to know me,” Oswin said, flicking his gaze around the supply closet. “And look at this place, Ring! It’s not exactly romantic.”
My spirit shrank. Maybe I’d been wrong, only reading what I’d wanted to from him.
“A spy’s life is short, especially one who’s in a Hand. It's a wonder that no one in this Hand have died yet. Every other kingdom’s Ring is replaced within a five-year period, and yet, I’ve served for thirteen,” I said. “Such a length of time is unprecedented, but we shouldn’t let our luck make us cocky, Oswin. Our lives are spent in service to a primeancer king. Death could come for you five-person family at any moment.”
Oswin swallowed, gritting his teeth at the hard truths that I’d spoken.
“So, I’ll give you one more opportunity because while we can, we spies should have every chance to live our lives to the fullest,” I said. “Tell me what I want to hear now, or I’m returning to the ball, and we’ll never speak of this again.”
Still, he hesitated. I shook my head, more at my presumption than anything else, and turned to find the closest source of alcohol. I didn’t enjoy getting drunk, but tonight, I could make an exception to my usual sobriety rule.
“I love you, Silivren! Please, don’t go!”
Stopping short, I smirked. Took him long enough.
I flung myself at him, tugging, pulling, caressing every part, and he joined me with a gasp. The momentary shrieking alarm that always accompanied a man’s passion-fueled embrace never came with him because this time was different. This time it was him, the man I’d grown up with, trained with, laughed with, fought beside. He’d saved my life when I’d been a panic-driven thirteen-year-old girl, and I’d saved his many times over in repayment.
He knew me, and that understanding showed. He was gentle when I needed it, rough when I wanted it. After years where sex had been completely focused on my partner, now I was the only one who mattered, and it brought tears to my eyes. He wiped them away, disgruntled, before kissing me.
“Don’t think about the past. You’re here. With me.”
My giggling fit didn’t start until we were cuddling later.
“What is it?” Oswin asked, running fingers through my hair.
“I’ve wanted this for years, spent so many hours imagining how it would be,” I said, “and we end up here. In a broom closet.”
I let my laughter loudly peal, unable to stop it. Something about the situation just tickled my fancy.
“You’re the one who said we couldn’t wait,” Oswin said, pouting.
“Oh, don’t get your feelings hurt,” I said, rolling to lay on top of him. “The setting may be funny, but the sex… Alouin, I didn’t expect anything like that from you.”
“So… it was good?” Oswin asked.
Men and their insecurities.
“Oswin. No one’s ever done what you did to me,” I said.
He beamed, I nestled into his chest, and the door rattled, making us both stiffen.
“Is someone hurt in there?” Kylorian bellowed, banging on wood. “Do I need to call for help?”
And hearing that voice, I breathed, “Do you mind?”
Oswin would know what I meant. I was nursing a pet project, the same as every other Hand member. Mine just happened to coincide with work. I would find the traitor plotting against my king, my little Raimie, even if it killed me.
Smiling, Oswin drew me in for one more kiss.
“Be careful, Ring,” he whispered.
‘Thank you,’ I mouthed.
On my feet, I quickly pulled my hair into a bun and straightened my clothes. As a last touch, I pinched my lower eyelids to redden them.
“Don’t get help, Minister!” I called, pulling the broom free of the door’s handle. “I’m coming out.”
After checking that Middle was safely hidden behind an equipment rack, I pulled the door open and recoiled from the intense smell of alcohol that met me. Kylorian wobbled as he peered at me.
“Have we met?” he asked.
“I’m Ring,” I said. “I escorted your sister to meet you the other day. The tavern, remember?”
Kylorian’s face brightened.
“Oh, yes. I remember now. You’ve very… funny,” he said, hiccupping. “Why do you-? Have you been crying?”
“I’m from the Southern Kingdoms, although my parents traced their ancestry back to Auden,” I said. “The dancer at the start of the festivities made me homesick, is all. I found a private corner where I could cry.”
Kylorian seemed like the type who’d prefer a damsel in distress. After years of practice, I could usually pigeonhole a man’s penchants after only a few minutes together, and I’d spent plenty of time with this one.
Speaking of the festivities, a thunderous boom shook the palace, and I crouched with my hand on my sword. So much for the damsel in distress angle.
“What was that?” I snapped.
“The Qenans’ ‘fireworks’, I'd guess,” Kylorian said with a shrug. “I heard something about them starting with that when I left.”
For a moment, he swayed in place, looking so lost that I almost reached out and comforted him, but he soon shook free of whatever had been bothering him, meeting my eyes.
“Can you help me to my room?” he asked. “The world’s spinning like a top right now.”
All of the Ministers had a set of quarters here, somewhere they could sleep if meetings between them took too long.
“Had one too many?” I asked.
“You could say that,” Kylorian said, suppressing a belch.
Ugh.
“It’s happened to the best of us,” I said. “Which way are we headed?”
“This way. I think.”
Kylorian unsteadily tottered away, and winking at Middle, I blew him a kiss before letting the door fall closed.
I hurried to catch up with the poor Minister, who was weaving from one side of the hall to the other. Once I’d drawn even with him, I tossed his arm over my shoulders, bearing the slight pressure that he placed on me without complaint.
Here was a prime example of why Kylorian was so low on my suspect list for the traitor. The man was in his cups too often to make an effective spy. Besides that, Kylorian was truly a sweet man, going out of his way to help those in need. Several of Elisk’s orphanages and charities had been established by Ren’s older brother, and he nightly joined his officers in patrolling the city’s streets. I suspected that Kylorian took solace in brandy as often as he did because he’d despaired of solving the heightening conflict between the Esela and humans in the capital.
If that weren’t enough, he and Raimie seemed to be good friends, often catching an initial drink together when policy meetings had run long.
With a better suspect already in hand, I’d almost tossed Kylorian out of the suspect pool before tonight, but if I could cross him off of my list for sure, I could focus on my prime suspect, Gistrick, with a clean conscience.
The Zrelnach commander maintained his posting at Da’kul even this many years after Auden’s conquest, a posting that I knew he despised. On the rare occasion that they crossed Middle’s desk, Gistrick’s reports to the king contained nothing but complaints of boredom, but it was widely known that he makes lengthy, unsanctioned trips away from Da’kul. Add to that the bad blood between him and the king and the rapidly narrowing suspect pool, and Gistrick had quickly topped the list of my contenders.
Soon enough, I dragged Kylorian to a stop.
“Aren’t these your rooms?” I asked.
“Oh, look! We’re here,” the Minister said, slurring his words.
Withdrawing his arm from me, he banged the door open, but the ‘firework’ bang that accompanied it was louder. Kylorian hesitated before leaving me in the cold.
“Would you stay with me tonight? Not like that,” he rushed to clarify at the look on my face. “I- I can’t sleep most nights, and tonight was... harder than I expected it to be. I thought having someone in the room might help.”
“I’ll do you one better.”
Smirking, I breezed past him.
So, here was a Minister’s room. It was rather plain, all told. A fireplace, a simple bed, and a rickety table with a crate beside it were all that occupy the space. I’d expected… more. Nothing here could expose the Minister as a spy.
“I’m an excellent masseuse,” I said. “If you can’t get to sleep after I’m done with you, I promise that I’ll stay overnight.”
Maybe I should botch the massage. Watching over the Minister would give me plenty of time to snoop around this room a little more.
“What would I need to-?” Kylorian asked.
“Take your tunic off, and lay face-down on the bed,” I absently said.
“I don’t- I don’t know,” Kylorian said.
He rested a hand at the back of his neck, and irritably blowing a lock of hair out of my face, I circled behind him.
“I won’t judge your body, Ky,” I said, gently pulling his hand away. “I’ve seen many ugly scars in my…”
I trailed off. I wasn’t often wrong when making assumptions, but when I was, the error always caught me by surprise. This one shocked me to a standstill.
“You saw it, didn’t you?” he tonelessly asked. "I haven't thought about it in years but..."
“I’ve certainly never seen a scar like that before,” I said, nervously laughing. “Not one so small at least. How have you kept it in check?”
Kylorian rounded on me with his jaw set, even as his hands tremble. His body language spoke indecision to a woman long-trained in reading others. I could handle hesitancy, even in an especially drunk person. Talking people down was my specialty.
“Let me get Raimie.”
Don’t mention a possible source of jealousy, and if one must, minimize the source to a simple name. Avoid titles at all costs.
“He can draw that evil crap out of you.”
Offer a viable solution to the problem.
“Ren’s often told me about how excited she is for her baby to meet Uncle Ky. That meeting will never take place if Kiraak Kylorian gives Auden to Doldimar.”
Mention loved ones and the consequences to them if the subject continued along his current course.
“Why did she have to be carrying a child now?” Kylorian breathed.
Now for the dangerous part. I took a deep breath, loudly speaking so that my voice carried over cracks and bangs. The fireworks display must be coming to an end.
“I’m leaving now, but I’ll return with help soon,” I said. “You stay here until I get back.”
I turned on my heel as the pops petered out. A final, deafening bang finished the display, and I got another two steps before dropping to my knees. Reluctantly, I looked down, staring with fascination at the gaping hole in my shoulder and chest.
Kylorian came into view, sobbing.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t be bothered to listen. Prodding at the charred skin around the hole, I tried to laugh—murdered by Oswin’s creation—but I couldn’t find the air. Confused, I tried to—
—take a breath. My rescuer is moving too quickly, and the barely healed soles of my feet are shedding their newly grown skin.
The sounds of pursuit faded long ago, and as if prompted by this development, the boy ducks into the alcove of a nondescript home’s front door. He raps once, pauses, three times, pauses, and twice. After a moment, the latch slides back, and the door opens.
We tumble into such luxury that it makes me cringe, taking my hand out of the boy’s to hug myself. Resolutely turning my back on silks and sheers, I come face-to-face with an unknown man, and shivers race along my spine, freezing me in place.
“Are the alarms in the city your fault?” he asks, eyeing me.
I can’t answer his question. He’s too close. If I move, even to open my mouth, I’ll turn into a wailing pile of flesh.
“Partially,” the boy says, out of view. “I had to shoot one of them.”
The stranger’s eyes aren’t on me anymore, and that gives me the strength to retreat to a safe distance, all while the man reprimands the boy.
“You USED it?” he says. “Great! This was supposed to be a quiet infiltration, a possible recruitment mission. With your slipup, the Southern Kingdoms will know someone’s gotten their hands on new weaponry.”
Southern Kingdoms? These two must be northerners. Why are they so far from home? Why did the boy help me?
What should I do? The man scares me. I can’t stand to be in his presence for much longer. Can I slip away while they’re arguing?
“I’m sorry, spymaster,” the boy says, scuffing his foot along the floor.
Spymaster? Really? Unprompted, a snort flies out of my nose, drawing their attention. So much for slipping away.
“What about her?” the supposed spymaster asks. “How did she do?”
The boy uncomfortably shifts, obviously torn.
“She tried a new tactic today. Good instincts. She wouldn’t have lasted much longer where she was,” he says. “Got caught while trying to leave. That caused the alarm.”
“So, she started this mess?” the spymaster says, shaking his head. “She’ll never make it in the Hand. Get her some food and coin, Oswin. We need to return home. Kaedesa will soon start wondering where we’ve gone.”
“But Aramar!” the boy whines.
The man’s casual dismissal of me riles me so badly that I momentarily forget my fear of him.
“Excuse me. I don’t know who you are or why you’ve been watching me, but it’s a little offensive that you’d reject me from your Hand, whatever that is, because of a small mistake,” I snap. “Am I not allowed to speak in my defense?”
The spymaster, Aramar, bemusedly eyes me.
“You may speak,” he says.
Anger’s quickly draining from me, so I launch into my explanation as quickly as I can.
“I seduced the Little Lord, and after he was finished with me, I slit his throat. While his body lay cooling, I escaped through a grate, dislocating my shoulder to fit through it,” I say. “I’ve survived for THREE MONTHS while the Little Lord’s guards were looking for me. The only reason they caught me today was because of bad luck.”
I almost squeak on the last word, but defiantly, I stare the spymaster down, even if I can’t move. His face goes through a variety of expressions, most of which I don’t understand, and not knowing what he’s thinking has me sipping little gasps of air.
“How old are you, child?” he eventually asks.
I only realize his muscles are straining against his skin when I hear the absolute monotone of his question.
“Thirteen,” I whisper.
Swallowing hard, I dart my gaze to the floor, and fatigue hits me like a surprise visit from boisterous cousins after an especially long dance practice. Swaying, I wince at the spikes of pain coming from my feet.
“Oswin,” the spymaster says.
In an instant, the boy is at my side, lifting me into his arms, and once that’s done, he sucks in a sharp breath.
“Aramar, her feet!” he says, horrified.
“It seems that I have business to attend to in the city,” Aramar hisses. “Try to save her feet as best you can, Oswin. She’ll need them if she’s going to be a member of the Hand. I’m going out. I trust you can make the pitch?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. I won’t be more than a couple of hours.”
The door slams, and for a moment, blissful silence occupies me as I huddle against the boy’s chest. The room moves around me, and I flinch at the sight of sheers floating past.
“I’m going to set you down, Silivren, but before I do, I want you to know that I won’t hurt you,” the boy says. “No one will ever hurt you again.”
I’m lying on a bed with silks meeting my back, and I want to scream and cry. For some inexplicable reason, though, I also trust this boy. I hold perfectly still while he washes my feet, dabs cloth in a salve, and wraps it in circles around my wounds.
“You’re Oswin?” I say. “That’s a strange name.”
“I had strange parents,” Oswin says with a shrug. “And you’re Silivren. Does that mean your parents are normal?”
“My parents, if they live, thought it was better to sell their daughter to a slaver than to find another way to pay off their debts,” I say, biting back a sob.
Oswin nods, as if knowing that I needed no response.
“Would you like to leave this city?” he asks. “You could train to become a stronger person, someone who can defend herself-”
“Does it mean I get to stay with you?” I ask.
Oswin nods again.
“Then, yes.”
—took a deep breath, but my lungs weren’t working properly.
It was all right. Oswin was here, standing over me, and he’d always take care of me. As long as I was near him, everything would turn out shiny.
I’d meant to tell him something before I’d left. It had been of supreme importance, central to who I was. He was so close now, holding something bright and glistening in front of my eyes, and I fought to remember what it was, but my thoughts wouldn’t stop swirling.
“Did you know I’ve always loved you, Oswin?” I gasped. “From the beginning, I’ve only ever loved you.”
I had more that I wanted to share, plans for our future, places that we should visit together, but my lungs had run out of air. That was fine. Oswin would know. He always knew.
A sob broke through my circling thoughts, the bright gleam moved forward, and a thunk filled my mind. Then, nothing.
Chapter 91: Left in the Dark
Kylorian
I looked down at the woman on the ground in front of me, who was struggling to breathe through the hole I’d put in her lung, and everything in me screamed white-hot pain and lurched-
The world is fuzz. I’m floating… somewhere. In the back of my mind? Outside of it? Just like every time HE touched me.
I watch Ivelais talk with their mortal enemy, a tall man with a being of shadow flickering beside him.
“If I do this, you’ll owe me, more than you already do,” he says. “I can’t perform one of my ordered functions in the coming chaos, as it requires me to be in two places at once.”
He rolls his eyes, perhaps annoyed by such contradictory orders. Even I know better than to try getting a subordinate to double themself. I think. It’s hard to be truly logical right…
“Maybe I should be grateful. The first of those tasks will involve me meeting my long-estranged son,” Ivelais’ mortal enemy says before dismissively waving a hand. “As for the other? I will pass it off to you.”
Ivelais bows, gritting their teeth.
“I accept the burden, my better,” they hiss.
Their mortal enemy cuts a hand through the air between the two.
“Don’t call me that,” he coldly says.
Then, he turns, inspecting something at his feet. Dark emptiness bubbles down his arms to make a black pool in his hands and I-
When I woke up the day after the Anniversary Ball, dreams clung to me, making it difficult to tell what was real and what were nighttime fantasies. Something felt… wrong. Something besides…
Wait. Why was I still in the palace?
I shot upright on the cot in my office, quickly scanning the room, but everything looked… fine. Nothing was out of place, exactly as it had been last night. Why had I thought it wouldn’t be? What was-?
“Kylorian.”
Freezing, I glanced over my shoulder, frowning when I saw Ivelais smooshed between my back and the wall.
Lying in my cot. In the palace.
“What are you doing here?” I hissed. “How did you get in? Did anyone see-?”
Sleepily, Ivelais waved a hand at me.
“Calm down,” they yawned. “I snuck in when you came to get me last night. With the celebration as a distraction, no one noticed a single, hooded person in the crowd. Don’t you remember?”
“I…”
Wincing, I shut my eyes, rubbing them. My head was killing me, a sign of all the alcohol I’d downed during last night’s fun, and I couldn’t remember much through the haze cast over the time I’d spent in its embrace.
Alouin, I must have drunk a lot. Usually, it took more to get me into that blacked-out state. I hadn’t achieved it since… since the last time I’d seen my adoptive father.
“My memory is a little patchy right now,” I admitted. “Why did I get you? Did something happen last night?”
Ivelais didn’t respond, staying quiet for so long that I peeked at them from between my fingers. They were looking at me with a frown, concern pinching their eyes.
“You hurt someone, Ky. Badl-”
Their words faded out, lost to the pain blooming behind my eyes. With a grunt, I closed them again. Hell, this hangover was worse than usual for me.
When Ivelais stopped speaking, I said, “Fine, fine. Is there anything I should take care of? Any problems that still need solving?”
For several long moments, Ivelais’ look of concern deepened. I could literally see their racing thoughts reflected through their eyes, but then, they closed off, going blank.
“No. I took care of it,” they said. “All parties involved have been satisfied or… removed. You don’t need to worry about a thing.”
That… had felt like a lie.
Cocking my head at them, I tried to figure out why they’d keep me in the dark about the resolution to whatever disaster I’d caused last night. I knew it must have been bad. Alcohol helped both me and them with our inner monsters, but sometimes, those monsters more fully came out to play, especially when I was the one under the influence. I’d been in quite a few altercations since moving to Elisk, some of which had almost landed me in one of my own jail cells. Fortunately, nothing had gone that far.
Yet.
Had last night’s disaster finally tipped the scales out of my favor?
I didn’t know if Ivelais saw my doubt, but whether they had or not, they reached over, pulling one hand off of my face.
“Seriously, Ky. We’re good,” they solemnly said. “You know I’ll keep you safe, right? Just like you do for me.”
“Yes…” I drawled.
Of course they would. But could I trust them to accurately assess the severity of whatever I’d done? They’d gotten worse since moving in with me, especially with how our monsters fed off of each other. Perhaps their perception of morality had shifted alongside the worsening of their Kiraak symptoms.
“Then, you should know that I’d tell you if last night’s activities could get you hurt,” Ivelais said, breaking into my thoughts. “It wasn’t pretty, Ky. I’ll give you that. But I don’t think it will come back to bite you or me. I asked for a favor from… an old acquaintance. He’s vicious but thorough when cleaning up after himself or his friends. The best I know.”
For a moment, I could only gape at Ivelais.
“A Kiraak?” I hesitantly asked.
Because who else could they be referencing? And what had gone so badly last night that we’d gotten one of them involved?
Shrugging one shoulder, Ivelais said, “More or less. Please, Ky. I need you to trust me. I think… I think this is one of those times where if you push, it’ll make your inner monster worse.”
That shut me up, quickly silencing any other questions I might have asked. Ivelais had always been good at sensing when I was about to reach a meltdown.
Still.
“Hell, Ivelais. A Kiraak? In the palace?” I said under my breath.
Here. Near Raimie. Near Ren, who was with child.
Because of something I’d done.
I consigned my face to my hands again.
“This isn’t working anymore,” I said, waving between us.
When Ivelais failed to respond, I reviewed what I’d just said, hurrying to follow up with.
“I don’t mean us.”
Reaching for Ivelais, I clutched their hand tightly.
“We are still more than good,” I said with a slight smile at them.
That grin quickly faded away, though.
“I mean our efforts to keep ourselves under control,” I said. “It’s not working. Honestly, I don’t think they've ever worked. They've just kept our eventual collapses delayed.”
One corner of Ivelais’ mouth quirked upward.
“I may have been saying that for a while now,” they said.
Which only made me groan.
Quiet fell, stretching between us where the tension had lain not long ago. It quickly gained a toehold once more, ratcheting in intensity until I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
Smacking my hands to my thighs, I snarled, “Damn him. Damn him for everything he ever did to me. If he’d only acted the way he should have, I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this bullshit, but no. He just had to have a piece of me.”
Somehow, I kept back the scream I wanted to unleash alongside those words. I kept my jaw locked, staring into nothing, until Ivelais’ face came into focus again. They looked stricken, and I wondered if I’d shocked them by speaking the smallest piece of my trauma aloud. In the past, we’d always danced around it.
They quickly relieved that worry, though.
“Ky…” they whispered. “Who do you think he is? Who do you think has caused this bloodlust? Your craving for atrocities that you’d usually never desire?”
That briefly startled me. I’d always thought they knew who I meant when saying that word with that particular inflection. Apparently not.
“Tanwadur, of course,” I said.
With widening eyes, Ivelais drew back. They bit their lip, narrowing their eyes at me for an uncomfortable moment, but then, intensity drew deep lines over their features. They grabbed my hand, squeezing it.
“You need to talk to King Raimie,” they said. “Now.”
And… I was lost. What did Raimie have to do with their last question?
“Why-?” I started.
Ivelais cut me off with a painful squeeze of my hand.
“For me,” they said. “I need you to bring him here. I need you to show him the black under my skin. I think if we try that approach, never outright telling him what we need from him, that we'll finally get his help. Because it’s become quite clear that you can’t ask it of him.”
When I sharply inhaled, they lifted their free hand.
“I don’t mean that you’re too weak to. I mean that something is stopping you from doing it,” they said. “And we badly need his help. We have for a while. So, go. Talk to him now, while we’re both in his palace. Bring him to a room I’m trapped in, unable to leave until much later tonight. Open his eyes to the trouble brewing in the center of his court. If we’re lucky… if he’s as merciful as you’ve always made him out to be, maybe it won’t be too late. Maybe he’ll help us both, and we can…”
I waited for them to continue that thought, but they seemed stuck on it.
“We can what?” I said, hoping to prompt them.
Ivelais shook their head.
“That’ll come later,” they said. “Can you do as I’ve asked?”
“Yes. That’ll be no trouble at all,” I absently said.
I was a little taken aback by their intensity. Sure, I may have accepted that Ivelais and I needed to change our approach when dealing with our inner monsters, but they seemed almost desperate to test this new idea, although maybe that wasn’t so shocking. After all, Raimie could help Ivelais, ridding them of the Corruption under their skin. They’d be human again, unafflicted by that dark power’s temptations.
But what about me? I’d already gotten Raimie’s help with my father. I wasn’t sure what else he could do to quell my inner monster.
Pushing on the hand they held, Ivelais snapped, “Now, Ky!”
“Right.”
I scrambled to my feet, heading for the door. When I reached it, I looked back at Ivelais with concern, but they only stared at me with the same pleading in their voice now on their face.
I hurried away.
I searched the palace for my quarry, spending far too much time doing it before looking for the next best thing.
Ren was holding court today, something she sometimes did for her husband when he was busy. When she broke the proceedings for the midday meal, I trapped my adoptive sister in a corner, asking about Raimie. It seemed odd that I couldn’t find him this morning. As a minister, I shouldn’t have needed so many hours to find my superior.
When I asked, Ren huffed, rolled her eyes, and gave me the unfortunate truth.
Raimie wasn’t here. He’d left at sunrise, apparently on his way to Nephiron.
Ivelais and I had lost our chance.
Chapter 92: Trouble with Her
Raimie
A picture of strife burned in my mind. The battlefield stretched beyond what I could see while the combatants on all sides fought with their faces twisted in anger or desperation. Most of them, I didn’t know, but a precious few were incredibly familiar.
The tenuous peace that I’d forged between the students of my primeancy school had fallen to pieces. The vastly outnumbered Daevetch children huddled behind Tejesper and Nessaira as the Ele students hammered down on them with wave after wave of white light.
Rhylix had joined a blurred figure in battle. Their fight was catching other, unknown primeancers in the overflow of their attacks, but of all the combatants around me, the two causing the most damage were Bright and Dim. Horrified, I watched as my splinters haphazardly flung light and shadow at one another, and each successful blow tore a thread out of their guise, revealing the seething energy found beneath.
The other fights faded away, gone before I’d registered their passing. The longer I watched my splinters battle, the more their fight lured me in until in a disorienting tumble, I was standing between them. Bright and Dim devolved into indistinct suggestions of Ele and Daevetch. These unformed smudges modeled hands and unnervingly long arms from their blank surfaces, and in a flash, each of them seized one of my wrists and pulled.
The strain on me so quickly escalated that I let loose a yelp, one that transformed into a shriek as a fissure formed between my shoulder blades. This fracture shot in two directions, one to the top of my skull and one straight down, and insistently tugged in both directions, I peeled into two pieces, wrenching free of my body. As I drifted away, I numbly stared at the split-in-half remains of me and woke up with a gasp.
Flailing, I let my hands fly to my knit-together sternum before the dream loosened its grip. For a moment, I lay still, panting, while a cold sweat raised pinpricks on my skin. When my heart stopped thrumming in my chest, I tentatively reached for Ren, grimacing at the idea that I’d woken her up again, and as I’d feared, only empty sheets waited for me.
Damnit.
I rubbed my face, exhausted despite having just woken up. I couldn’t, however, blame this exhaustion on poor sleep or the fun that Nylion, Ren, and I had participated in last night. No, the cause for this was much more terrifying than those simple explanations.
Open doors on the room’s far side admitted the rising Sun’s rays as well as crisp, fall air, and after groaning into my hands, I climbed out of bed.
“Do not go outside yet,” Nylion said. “Let her calm down first.”
Better to get it over with as quickly as possible, Nyl.
After slipping into my clothes, I trudged onto the balcony, plopping across from Ren at the garden table, and climbing on top of it, Nylion sat cross-legged between us, satisfied to let me have control for this morning’s confrontation. Turning her book’s page, Ren sipped her tea with steam rising above its lip.
I waited for her to say something, too tired to do anything more than watch the sunrise. For who knew how long, we sat in silence, but eventually, Ren closed her book and set her cup on the table’s surface.
“You did it again,” she said.
“I know,” I replied.
“It’s been happening more frequently.”
“Trust me. I’ve noticed.”
I refused to look at her. After all, I knew what she wanted, but Ren couldn’t know what she was asking of me. Primeancy was everything to me, something as interwoven with me as breathing or Nylion, and I used it every day.
Ele gave me the comfort I needed to withstand Ren’s touch without an initial surge of fear. I relied on its peace when meetings with my Ministers turned especially frustrating.
Daevetch infused me with confidence. It bolstered me when treating with foreign dignitaries and when dispensing harsh punishment, if the situation required it.
Losing primeancy would be like losing a hand, a survivable experience that would nevertheless haunt me with its lack. Without control of the primal forces, I was… less.
“We need to discuss this,” Ren continued.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked. “I’m not consciously making gray energy.”
Gray energy: the substance I’d used to close tears in the past. What had once brought Alouin’s attention down upon me.
Now, its creation had been happening at the most random of times and without my knowledge. It also had a name, something Ren and I had wordlessly agreed upon for the mystery that had plagued our bedchamber since shortly after our marriage. Gray, because the mist I’d been making while sleeping took on that color. Energy, because whatever the phenomenon was, significant force accompanied. We’d learned that lesson the hard way when that energy’s first manifestation had flung Ren out of bed.
“You lack of control is the problem,” she said. “What happens if you don’t wake me up with your nightmares beforehand and a fall from bed hurts the baby? I can take an occasional tumble. Our child cannot. Not yet.”
“What do you want me to do about it?” I asked.
I met her eyes, daring her to ask again.
“Tell me that you and Nyl are working to understand it,” Ren said. “Perhaps you can coax answers from Bright or Dim? It wouldn’t hurt to try again.”
Slouching, I crossed my arms.
“Their story will never change, love,” I said. “They’re pieces of eternal, primal forces, remember? They can handily resist my puny, human attempts to drag answers, especially those they want to keep secret, from them.”
Ren copied my pose, although the slight swell of her belly kept her from slumping as far as I had.
“Let me try,” she said.
A short laugh escaped me before I could control it. Ren, gods love her, was a norm. What could she hope to accomplish with my splinters when she couldn’t even see them?
“Would you please summon Dim and Bright?” she asked.
Her tone had been all sweetness, an indication that I was skirting trouble, so I did as she’d asked. With a thought, the splinters—who to this point, had been standing in their usual positions at my side—manifested as thoroughly as they could into the physical plane. In this state, other primeancers, ones with connections to Ele and Daevetch's level of reality, could see them, but to those who were rooted entirely in the physical realm, the splinters would never appear. Ren, however, looked straight at Bright and Dim as she addressed them.
“Tell me what’s happening to my husband.”
They traded an uncertain glance, and I waved, encouraging them to participate in this charade.
“When Raimie creates what you call ‘gray energy’, he’s attuning to our wholes’ hold on him,” Bright said, “but we don’t know how he does it or why it’s been happening so frequently in recent years. When he was a child, he forced a balance maybe twice a month. Now, it’s twice a week.”
“When I was a child?” I said. “You’ve never mentioned that before. How long have I been doing this?”
And why would they answer her question but not mine?
“Husband, I am speaking with them right now,” Ren said. “Wait your turn.”
Ducking my head, I murmured apologies. In the last week, I’d argued at least a dozen times with my wife. Each of those disagreements had started much like this, and I had no desire to engage in another one this morning. Arguing with her soured my day.
“I told you to let her calm down first,” Nylion sighed.
Extending his legs across the table, he leaned toward our wife, plucking at her hair, and I glared at him.
You’re not helping with MY calm, I said.
Nylion shook his head with amused irritation flowing over our bond while Ren took a breath.
“That being said, Raimie does have a point,” she said. “How long has he been making this gray energy?”
“Ever since birth, when he attracted us and harnessed our wholes,” Bright said.
“And what are your ‘wholes’?” Ren asked.
At her question, I whipped my head toward her.
“You can hear them?” I asked.
She looked down her nose at me, making me shrink in my chair.
“You’ve told me this before, haven’t you?”
Ren pointedly ignored me.
“Answer the question, please,” she told the splinters.
They looked exceedingly uncomfortable, shooting glances at me several times, but I did nothing to encourage or discourage them from answering. If they wanted to keep their secrets, they’d have to choose to do it. I wasn’t stopping them from speaking, especially not when my wife was the one asking questions.
“You lot call our wholes ‘Ele’ and ‘Daevetch’,” Dim eventually said, making a face.
I winced when the expression split the fissures in Dim’s cheeks wider, doing my best to ignore something that I knew the splinter didn’t want me to notice. Ren made that easy for me.
“So, our problem is connected to primeancy?” she asked.
“I thought that was obvious,” Bright said. “The balancing that he’s unconsciously doing is why he’s not completely crazy by now.”
“Or too rigid to allow change,” Dim added.
When they didn’t start catfighting after this, I frowned at them. Usually when one of them contradicted the other, my splinters devolved into a fierce bickering contest, but… now that I thought about it, that hadn’t happened in a while. Why?
“If Raimie stopped using primeancy, would the ‘balancing’ stop too?” Ren asked.
Stiffening, I abandoned other thoughts with my every sense heightened. There it was again, a glimmer of the impossible demand that my wife had made of me several times in the last few months.
“I’m not sure something like that would stop it…” Bright said.
“And I’m not giving it up!” I said.
I’d tried to remain calm while I’d been speaking. Really, I had, but some of the lightning storm crackling inside of me had leaked into my voice anyway, and Ren noticed it. She jerked toward me, narrowing her eyes.
“Can you think of another solution?” she asked with heat creeping into her voice. “Remember, Raimie. I’m not worried about myself. I’m worried about our baby, yet to come. You can’t give up primeancy for however long is left before their birth? Such a sacrifice seems only fair, considering all that I’m suffering for this child.”
It was fair, and I knew it. I’d be more than happy to do as she suggested if the amount of time that I’d go without primeancy had been guaranteed but…
“What about when the next baby comes along? I don’t expect or want you to bear more children unless it’s what you want too, but let’s be honest. We spend too much time in our bedroom for another child to be anything less than guaranteed,” I said. “Do you expect me to abandon primeancy then as well? Do you expect me to set it aside when I need it to run Auden? I can’t stop being the ‘primeancer king’ for several, unexpected nine-month periods, Ren. It wouldn’t work.”
Ren laughed, bitter and scathing.
“Oh, I see how it is. You can’t figure out how to run the realm without primeancy, but I’m expected to learn how to be a queen while with child,” she said. “That doesn’t seem exceedingly unfair to you?”
Flinching from her, I said, “That’s not what I-”
“No, it never is,” Ren snapped. “You never think about how your actions and words will be perceived by other people. Thank Alouin you’re normally a noble person, one others will follow without thinking, or else we’d be in serious trouble, but hell, the times when you’re not… So many disasters, Raimie. You ‘not thinking’ is what got my brother killed, for fuck’s sake. You-”
Slamming my hands on the table, I shot to my feet.
“Why don’t you think about what you’re saying, dear wife? Are you sure your problem with me is because of gray energy and what it might do to our baby?” I shouted. “Are you sure there’s not something else we need to talk about? Because if you’re only godsdamn worried about our child, I have a fucking simple solution for you. Sleep somewhere else. That would solve this problem to your satisfaction, wouldn’t it?”
Ren recoiled from me as if physically hit. The three of us in a warm pile while falling asleep was one of the most sacrosanct points of our marriage, the one time when we could be fully and completely ourselves without the pressures of court bearing down on us. For me to suggest that it stop…
“That was a mistake,” Nylion said with a dangerously angry rumble in his voice, “and I will not let you follow through with such a threat.”
I snapped my eyes to slits, glaring at my other half.
You won’t LET me? I growled.
Nylion sprang to his hands and knees on the table with his face uncomfortably close to mine.
“She is my wife too!” he shouted. “I need that quiet time with her as much as you do!”
Rapidly blinking, I took a step back with little throbs of anxiety squeezing my heart. My other half was never angry with me. Never. And I… I was never aggressive toward Nylion.
Fuck. I’d truly misstepped this time.
Dropping into my chair, I hid my face in my hands, listening to an uncomfortable silence. Punishing myself with it.
“I’m sorry for yelling,” I said after a moment, both to Ren and my other half.
In the cracks between my fingers, I watched Nylion slump back into a relaxed pose with tentative comfort radiating through our bond, and hugging her swelling belly, Ren blew hair out of her eyes.
“Maybe there are other things that we should discuss when it comes to our relationship. Maybe not,” she said, “but they’re not what we’re talking about right now.”
Silently, I nodded, and after a moment, Ren clicked her tongue, taking hold of my hands. She pulled them away from my face, and once they were hers, she kept them.
“I understand how difficult my request would be,” she said. “I’m sorry that I must ask the impossible of you, but I don’t know what else to do.”
Looking at her, crushed by worry, and looking at us, distanced by conflict, I decided it was time to try the one avenue of inquiry about this situation that I’d been avoiding until now.
“I have an idea, but it will involve me leaving Elisk for a spell,” I said. “I realize how terrible it is for me to ask this after… what I said, but can you run the realm by yourself while I’m gone?”
Meanwhile, Nylion crossed his arms.
“Raimie, you are not thinking of finding Alouin once more, are you?” he asked. ‘The last time, we spoke to him, it nearly got us killed.”
When I ignored him, he sat upright, taking hold of my chin.
“I am serious, heart of my heart,” he said. “Please, do not put us in unnecessary danger.”
Meeting his eyes, I asked, Do you see another way?
Clenching his teeth, Nylion compressed into a ball, but he stopped arguing with me, and I returned my attention to Ren, letting her know we’d stopped talking.
“If taking the reins will help us fix this problem, then I’ll do my best,” she said. “What’s the difference between the few days that I’ve done before and a few weeks?”
“In that case, I’ll leave as soon as I’ve finished running Rhy’s field trip for his primeancer students,” I said.
Making a face, Ren said, “I’d completely forgotten about that.”
“Your brother picked a wonderfully perfect time to disappear,” I darkly muttered.
Better to harbor anger toward Rhylix than drive myself crazy with worry. Ren, of course, had chosen the worried path, but then again, she had two loved ones who’d vanished.
Rhylix’s disappearance was a familiar return to the first years after Elisk’s capture, but Ring, a loyal member of the Hand, was another matter entirely. Of course Ren was worried sick over her disappearance.
Ren’s fear for her friend might be understandable, but Oswin’s obsessive anxiety about it concerned me. Since late last night, my old friend had been a neurotic mess, utterly incapable of his spymaster duties, as seen by the royal couple’s lack of bodyguards this morning. Oswin had become so immersed in his desperate search for Ring that he’d failed to assume his rotation after the ball, Thumb and Pointer were off gods knew where while attending to other Hand matters, and Little had been too busy with the aftermath of the ball to notice the problem. The wreck that Oswin had become, dropping everything in his frantic hunt, was enough to make me wonder if perhaps Ring and my friend had finally given in to what everyone had seen in them for years.
“Rhy never dumps his responsibilities on others, especially not the ones that he makes for himself,” Ren whispered with pinched eyes.
Don’t worry. He’ll be fine, was what I wanted to tell her.
“It’s not burden for me,” was what I said instead. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to leave the capital.”
“The trip will only take you a few days, yes?” Ren said.
“The time needed to get to the coast and one day while there,” I said. “No more than a week total, at most.”
“Well…”
Ren trailed off, intently gazing at the horizon as the Sun made its glorious first appearance of the day.
“You’d better get out of here,” she said. “The sooner you leave, the sooner you can start working on our problem.”
Rising to my feet, I circled the table, leaning over to brush her hair to the side.
“Of course, love,” I said. “Nylion and I will see you soon.”
Ren smiled at me, and I knew that no matter what the current stressor to our marriage might be, we’d find a way to overcome it and emerge from the struggle stronger. We were Joined as one, all three.
I touched my forehead to hers, Nylion engulfed us in an embrace, and we enjoyed a brief moment of unity. Unity of purpose, unity of spirit. Unity across my bond with Nylion and unity in Ren’s trust that I’d solve our problem.
Duty called. I straightened with a shuddering breath, reluctant to retreat from the peace that I felt with the two of them.
“I am coming with you, silly,” Nylion said. “Where else am I supposed to go?”
Snorting a laugh, I meandered inside to get ready for the day.
Chapter 93: Field Trips and Massacres
Raimie
Three days after my fight with Ren, the primeancer students and I stood on Nephiron’s dock. The journey to reach this place would normally have taken weeks, but fortunately, my companions and I were not normal people. On our trip, Ele had helped to speed most of the students along, and the rest had shade melded across the same distance in hops and skips. By using these methods, we'd cut our trip’s length to a fourth.
The Daevetch students’ addition to my roster had surprised me, but when asked about it, Nessaira had simply shrugged, claiming that her kids needed real-world practice as much as the Ele students did. I suspected that in actuality, Nessaira had needed rest. She’d been wan, pale, and twitchy, indicating a high probability that she’d ignored Rhylix’s advice from days before.
I’d been more than happy for the Daevetch primeancers to join us. The challenge that Rhylix had prepared for his students would be relatively difficult, and extra hands would be much appreciated.
Unfortunately, their addition to the group was also giving me a headache.
“I won’t have them aboard my ship,” the captain in front of me said. “They’re nothing but trouble, and if you keep them around for long enough, Your Majesty, they’ll eventually go the way of our former Dark Lord.”
Beside his five younger cohorts, Tejesper stiffened, ready to make a scathing comment about the captain’s intelligence; I was sure, but I beat the teenager to the punch. Drawing Daevetch to a hand, I waved it in front of the captain.
“Then, I’d guess you don’t want me on your ship either,” I said. “We had an agreement, captain, but if you’re unwilling to take us all, then we’ll find another crew to sail us to the isles. Someone more willing to accept the throne’s coin.”
Coin that was steadily depleting. Light taxation and the sale of interesting items from Auden’s tears could only do so much to mitigate the enormous cost of revitalizing a nation. It was a problem for another day, but for the captain’s benefit, I flashed a peek of the gold chits filling the pouch at my waist.
“I’m sure we can work this out,” the captain said, stammering. “If they stay below deck and out of the crew’s way, I might tolerate their presence.”
“I can promise that they won’t interfere with your crew, but staying below deck will be quite impossible,” I said. “Today’s lesson will require open air. Unless you want us to accidentally sink your ship?”
The captain unhappily grumbled, but he nodded, holding a hand out. Reaching into my pouch, I placed a small pile of chits into his waiting palm.
“You’ll get the rest once we’ve safely returned to Nephiron,” I said.
“Welcome aboard,” the captain grunted with his eyes fixed on the gold in his hand.
As we climbed the gangplank, I trailed the students with trepidation. I vividly remembered the last sea voyage I’d made as well as its miserable beginnings. Huddling in a corner and shivering from a cold sweat wouldn’t help the appearance that I must maintain as strong, sure, and in control. I hoped my stomach wouldn’t betray me on this short trip across the water.
At the top of the gangplank, Tejesper pulled me to the side.
“Why did you bargain with him?” he asked. “We could just as easily have shade melded to the isles and avoided these people’s scorn.”
“Careful, Tejesper. These people are acting out of fear. Let’s show them that Doldimar’s fate isn’t the only end for those with a claim on Daevetch,” I said. “As for why, do you think I haven’t noticed? For the last two days, you six have sported the stains of foot travel when you've reached our campsite. I know how difficult it is to emerge from the shadows where you want to. I didn’t like the idea of having to fetch one of you from the sea before we reach our goal .Besides, how many of you have sailed before? Look at how excited the young ones are.”
Those five children giggled and shrilly chattered with one another, entangling their hands in the nearby rigging.
“What exactly is our goal?” Tejesper asked.
And my mood darkened.
“Why don’t you gather everyone near the mainsail?” I asked. “I’ll explain there.”
“Yes, Your Majesty,” Tejesper said.
As he trotted away to carry out his task, I contained my wince. After almost a year and a half as this nation’s king, I still wasn’t used to that honorific, but I was learning to accept it. Being ‘Your Majesty’ was simply an annoyance that I tolerated so I could focus on my passion: fixing this broken realm. Helping the people who called it home.
The students quickly assembled, at about the same time our transport weighed anchor and shoved off. For a moment, I rode a wave of seasickness, one that mirrored my dread, before wrangling it under control. It lurked below the surface, ready for a moment’s lapse, but for now, I’d pinned it in place.
“We must commit this breach of trust,” Nylion said. “It is for their own good.”
He was leaning against the mast with a frown belying his words, but I didn’t acknowledge my other half’s discomfort, one to match mine. I simply nodded.
I know that, I said. Doesn’t make this easier.
The students’ eyes were shining; they were so eager to learn why they’d traveled across the realm for their field trip, and I swallowed, trying to clear the lump in my throat. I didn’t want to destroy their excitement or be the one to steal the peace they’d recently found, but these people, children and adults, were primeancers. Theirs would be a life of strife and turmoil, rarely broken by times of tranquility. It was best to ease them into it as gently as possible.
“I know you want to learn why we’ve come to this far corner of Auden, and while I won’t be happy doing it, I will answer that question,” I said. “We’re here to solve a problem. Over the last three years, some of you may have heard rumors about pirate attacks on our coastline. Recently, I’ve learned from the Hand that these cutthroats, the Serpent Pirate Crew, have established a bay on the northernmost of Nephiron’s three isles. That island is our current heading.”
Nervous mutters rose from the students, but I couldn’t afford to let them speculate about what I’d said.
“I have an assignment for you,” I said. “I require this Serpent Pirate Crew removed from Auden. To that end, I’ve brought you, my most qualified subjects, to drive them out .I’m not asking for a massacre!”
I had to raise my voice to be heard over their alarm.
“Although, if that’s how you choose to take care of the problem, no one will stand in your way. Unlike their comrades, these pirates are the vilest of scum. They deserve whatever fate they receive. So, you may take any course of action that you wish to accomplish your goal, be that violent or not. That is why we’re here. That is this field trip’s purpose.”
The students waited for me to continue, to laugh and tell them it was a joke, and when I didn’t, protests rang out over the vastness of the open sea. I let their anger beat against me until one voice rose above the rest.
“Why would you do this?” Miranon cried. “I thought we’d be safe with you! That’s what you promised us, and now, you’d push us into a fight? How will that keep us safe?”
“All of you have grown while staying with me. A pirate band shouldn’t be a problem for anyone here to handle,” I said before quietly adding. “I’ll keep watch, Miranon. No one will be in real danger.”
“That doesn’t-”
As her voice cut off, Miranon’s face went red.
“Children are with us!” she shouted. “Do you expect them to fight as well? How cruel can you be?”
The Zrelnach among them, Jeme, took a step forward, laying a hand on Miranon’s shoulder.
“He’s doing them a kindness, Miri,” she said. “You know the stories of our kind, the same as everyone else. We inevitably die young. Do you think any primeancers here can expect such a fate, simply because we lead peaceful lives now? The king is going out of his way to provide us with an opportunity to safely hone our skills. He’s doing this in the hopes that some of us will defy the odds.”
Miranon sucked in a breath as if to argue, but instead, she turned on her heels, stalking away. With a small sigh, Tejesper chased her, and the rest of the students stared at me with indecision rife on their faces. They wanted to believe that I, the man who’d provided them with a safe haven, had their best interest at heart, but doubt wavered in all of them save for Jeme. She alone gave me a nod of understanding.
I had no intention of soothing the students’ fear. I’d do what was required to prepare them, and they could judge my actions later.
“We’ll arrive at the isle by midday, so ready yourselves until then,” I said. “When we arrive, remember. I’ll be nearby, if you need me.”
Dismissing them, I marched to a nearby railing. Listening to the quiet conversation rising behind me, I stood firm until the students’ noise had faded to nothing before vomiting into the ocean. With many a comforting murmur, Nylion rubbed my back, there for me. As always.
In the end, the primeancer students didn’t need me. A single ship came from the isle to greet us, and the students took one look at the emaciated bodies and faces of the children working its lines before a spark ignited. Against fourteen Ele and six Daevetch primeancers, the pirates, both aboard their ship and ashore, didn’t stand a chance.
While the pirates’ former slaves boarded my hired vessel, I waded through corpses. Within their base, the pirates had held so many children captive that the poor things had filled our ship to the brim.
Its captain had not appreciated the unexpected influx of passengers, as evidenced by his whining, somehow still buzzing in my ear now. In the end, the man had insisted that with the children occupying so much room aboard his ship, none remained for me or the primeancer students.
With a shrug, I’d relinquished the second half of the captain’s gold, and on hinting at significant compensation for a task well done, I’d extracted a promise from the man to return the children to their homes.
As for me and the students, we’d find another way to the mainland, even if I must individually shade meld the Ele primeancers to its shore.
For tonight, however, we’d rest, recuperate, and celebrate, such that we could. I meant to make the night as lively as possible, driving memories of killing and death out of the students’ minds. Before disembarking the hired ship for a final time, I’d persuaded its captain to leave us a barrel of rum while retrieving the fireworks bundle that I’d been toting around since Elisk, all in anticipation of this outcome.
While we waited for nightfall, I had the students exploring the isle’s beach with no other instruction, save for to keep an eye open for trouble. As I lifted a last body over my shoulders, screeches, laughter, and splashing drifted over the ridge, and I smiled. My plan seemed to have worked as I’d hoped. No one could resist the ocean’s pull for long, not when friends surrounded them.
“We should have gone with them,” Nylion said, standing on the ridge.
With his hands on his hips, he looked down on the students, and I shook my head at him, huffing as I took the last few steps to my corpse pile.
I don’t think they’d have appreciated my presence, I said. It will take them time to work through what I did to them, and before you ask, NO. I don’t hate myself for doing it.
Glancing back at me, Nylion said, “Liar.”
Godsdamn bond.
Ok, fine. I feel a LITTLE guilty about it, I said. Better?
“Much.”
With one final heave, I completed a corpse pile, stepping back to view it with a strange mixture of pride and melancholy. Pride at the efficiency and skill of my fellow primeancers. Melancholy that these pirates had chosen a course that had led to their elimination.
I felt no regret for their deaths, despite how I felt about making the students do the deed. Slavers who specialized in children were a plague upon the world, one that needed to be seared from existence.
Speaking of which. Casting about for a source of flame, I found none in my immediate vicinity, which elicited a groan. We’d made camp far from the battle site, and when I’d returned to the scene of carnage earlier, I’d failed to bring a striker with me. Stupid. How else would I take care of so many bodies?
Coming to join me, Nylion said, “We could let them rot.”
And waste this perfectly fertile soil? I said. I’m sure Nephiron would appreciate the additional farmland, considering how often their mayor complains about food shortages. The city won’t want to wait while the elements reduce these bodies to plant food. No, we’ll burn them. Which means we’ll hike back to camp.
“Fine,” Nylion drawled. “I simply wish to be done with this, both with the bodies and distracting the students. Come to our shared dream space tonight? I-”
“Need a light?” someone behind me asked.
Jumping, I whirled toward the noise while Nylion grumbled about the interruption. Leaning a shoulder against a nearby tree, a blonde-and-blue haired man was intently peering at me with gray eyes, angling his slender body away from the tree’s trunk with his arms crossed, and on seeing the stranger, the splinters at my side recoiled.
“Raimie, run right now,” Dim whispered in a trembling voice. .
The splinter’s tone stirred similar emotions in me, but I couldn’t do as Dim had said. The sound of the students’ carefree conversations was still rising, indistinguishable, over the ridge. I couldn’t leave them here, not until I’d assessed the threat. If there was a threat. It seemed like that was the case, but… I’d always found it better to give people, including those who snuck up behind me and freaked the hell out of my splinters, the benefit of the doubt.
…Maybe I wouldn’t, though, just this once.
Resting a hand on Silverblade’s hilt, I tried to appear relaxed, even as I made ready to flee at the slightest sign of danger.
“Where did you come from?” I asked.
“Oh, I’ve been watching you for quite some time,” the stranger said. “Wasn’t sure when I could safely approach, considering how many people your friends slaughtered here but…”
He shrugged.
“You look like you’re finished, only sticking around to burn the bodies. So. Need a light?”
“If you have one, I’d appreciate it,” I said.
As the stranger moved toward the corpse pile, I eyed him, taking several silent steps away. Something was severely off about him, besides the fact that he’d appeared from nowhere. He was Eselan, which wouldn’t by itself ring alarm bells in my head, but combined with the continued rarity of the Eselan race in Auden, I found it somewhat unsettling that this stranger had popped from thin air in this out of the way corner of the realm.
And of course, Dim’s warning and both splinters’ readily apparent fear were rattling me. They’d retreated as far from the stranger as they could while still remaining within my reach.
Nylion, hovering closer to the stranger, abruptly straightened. He strode my way, steps eating the earth in his haste to reach me.
“I think we should follow Chaos’ advice,” he said. “Better to be wrong and look foolish than to be dead, if that is who I think it is.”
And who do you think it is? I asked.
The Eselan conjured fire to his hand, and as he reached to let it catch on the pile, I took notice of how badly deformed that appendage was. Nylion’s answer to my question went unheard, and all thoughts of danger slipping from my head as I rushed forward.
“Your hand!” I said.
Crouching, I clutched the Eselan’s wrist, inspecting the damage.
“Good gods, what have you done to it?” I breathed, horrified. “Come with me. I have a salve that might help, and maybe my friend will look at it too. We can-”
The Eselan doubled over with laughter, nearly toppling me. Hiccups interrupted his giggling’s wide range in pitch, which might have been more unnerving if I hadn’t been itching to reach camp and treat his wound.
“I’m sorry,” the stranger gasped. “You’re exactly like everyone says you are. The ally has never been so genuine before. No wonder E likes you.”
“Would you please let me help you?” I asked.
I tugged at the Eselan’s wrist, but he merely ripped it out of my grasp.
“You can do nothing for my hand,” he said. “The damage was done years ago.”
“Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you.”
The stranger cocked his head with a fascinated smile quirking at his lips, and only then did I register Nylion. My other half was pulling on my shoulder as insistently as I had been with the Eselan while the blue of his eyes was lost in white, and his breath hissed between clenched teeth.
“-NOW!” he was saying. “Heart of my heart, listen to me. We need to go. Please, get up and get us out of here. Gods-”
Ok. I hear you, I said. We’re going.
Clearing my throat, I said. “My work here is done.”
I gestured at the fire, which was already gaining purchase on the pirates’ bodies.
“Thank you for your help,” I said. “Will you join me and my students for dinner? I’m sure we have rations to spare.”
I didn’t wait for an answer. Once I was upright, I started in a casual stroll toward camp, praying I wasn’t showing how much my skin was crawling. I hoped the Eselan would leave well enough alone, even knowing that would never happen—the man hadn’t shown up here for no reason—but if he insisted on following me, I’d be leading him to friendlies: twenty powerful primeancers who could help when this situation turned to shit.
Behind me, the Eselan said, “You don’t want to make that offer.”
Or the man could decide to tumble us into a confrontation now. Slowly, I faced the Eselan, instinctively reaching for Nylion’s hand.
“I am here,” my other half said. “No matter what happens, I am here.”
I know.
With a brittle smile, I asked, “Why is that?”
Shaking his head, the Eselan rose from his crouch with firelight sending faint glimmers over the black leather wrapped around him.
“Gods, boy. You haven’t even asked who I am. Is exchanging names not considered proper etiquette in this day and age?” he said. “I know you’re Raimie, king of Auden, and here’s where you ask…”
He fluttered a hand toward me while I narrowed my eyes.
“Who are you?” I asked, already certain I knew.
Grinning, the Eselan pressed his ruined hand over his heart, bowing to me.
“Doldimar, Dark Lord of Auden, formerly known as Arivor, at your service.”
That was what I’d thought.
Chapter 94: Fancy Meeting You Here
Raimie
I should be terrified. I should be running as fast as Ele would carry me away from this place, but all I was in this moment, finally meeting my enemy, was cold.
And so was Nylion.
So, I drew on Ele, unsheathed Silverblade, and flashed across the distance to Doldimar, touching my sword’s tip to the hollow of the bastard’s neck as he straightened. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t go for a killing blow. I was acting on instinct right now, moving as my body and subconscious demanded, and by the time I’d registered how little of a threat I was to Doldimar, he’d swatted the blade away with a roll of his eyes.
“Don’t bother,” he said. “I could squash you like a bug if I wanted, but I haven’t. I’m here to surrender.”
To my shock, Doldimar, the one I’d spent six years trying to destroy, tossed a weapons belt at my feet before raising his hands above his head. Slowly, with my eyes fixed on him, I crouched to retrieve the belt, throwing it over my shoulder, before retreating several paces.
“Bright? Dim?” I said under my breath. “Would one of you check whether he’s hiding any other blades?”
Bristling, the splinters transferred petrified gazes from me to one another, letting a silent conversation take place, until Dim threw their hands in the air with a groan. As they edged forward, glimpses of black peeked from beneath their clothing with their cringing only getting worse as they got closer.
“Sure, don’t listen to me,” they said to me. “Stay right fucking next to my whole’s avatar. That seems like a great idea.”
When Doldimar snapped his eyes to the advancing splinter, Dim turned stiff as a rod while their complaints cut off with a pained whine.
“I assure you that if I wanted you dead, you’d be dead by now,” he said. “I like my games and my playthings. I’m not such a child that I’ll destroy them before they’ve outlived their usefulness.”
And all the while, Dim’s quiet screech got louder.
“Let. Dim. go,” I growled, raising Silverblade.
Doldimar snorted.
“Dim. Is that what you call it?” he asked. “All right. Have the disobedient piece back.”
He wiggled a raised finger, and gasping, Dim zoomed to cower behind me.
I’m so sorry, I breathed to the splinter.
Shaking, Dim rested a hand on my shoulder, revealing cracked skin with glimpses of shadows beneath it.
“I’m fine,” they gasped.
They weren’t fine. I could tell, but with their visage steadily decaying over the last few years, the splinter hadn’t been fine for a while now. I couldn’t do anything about it right this moment, though, nor was it a good idea to focus on it.
“Why are you really here?” I asked. “And if you’re powerful enough to wipe me off the face of the earth without a thought, why have you been in hiding for the last four years?”
“I haven’t been hiding,” Doldimar scoffed, wrinkling his nose. “I’ve been watching. Surely you can tell the difference.”
I didn’t grace him with a response, which was a smart decision as it turned out. He appeared not to have wanted one.
“No? Not as smart if I took you for, in that case,” he continued. “As for why the sudden desire to throw myself on your mercy, E told me that he’s figured out how to break the cycle. I couldn’t find him, but your location’s always been a blazing beacon in the shadows. You’re his ally. You’ll eventually lead me to him, so… here we are.”
“E? Who’s that supposed to be?” I asked.
“Eriadren,” Doldimar said, making a face, “my old friend from another life.”
“You mean Rhylix,” I said with my voice going soft.
“Yes, yes,” Doldimar said, dismissively flapping a hand. “Whatever he’s calling himself now.”
Warily regarding the Eselan, I said, “You expect me to believe you’ve overruled the command that Daevetch holds on you because Rhy gave you a slim glimmer of hope?”
“Oo… he has told you our story!” Doldimar said with a giggle. “And yes. That’s what I expect.”
No way in hell did I trust the man who’d once dominated my kingdom, but the Eselan had twice mentioned the marvel of my continued life. Considering the enmity between us, I should be dead. Earlier, Doldimar could have killed me rather than offering to light the pirates’ pyre. I hadn’t heard or felt him coming.
“I did. I should have said something earlier. I am sorry,” Nylion said. “Do not, however, take this bastard at face value. Put Silverblade away. It will make us look confident, but do not let your guard down.”
I never do, I said, and don’t apologize to me. I should have listened to you earlier.
Nylion squeezed my free hand.
“You were being you, offering aid to someone who seemed to need it. It is one of the things that I love about you, so never apologize for it,” he said, “and please. Do as I said, heart of my heart.”
I did feel a little silly brandishing a sword at an unarmed man, regardless of the primeancy that said man could wield. What could I hope to accomplish with my blade in any case? The only one who could kill the embodiment of Daevetch was Rhylix, and my friend had vanished like a forgotten dream.
Sheathing Silverblade, I said, “We’ll see. Come with me. I have a task to finish before I can get you to Rhy.”
I made to leave the ridge, but Doldimar interjected, lowering his arms.
“A moment. I hoped you might satisfy my curiosity before we’re surrounded by your friends,” he said. “You’re not wearing Shadowsteal. It’s typically E’s weapon, but I understand that this cycle has seen the sword given into your hands. So, my question. Why isn’t it with you?”
Coming from my enemy, the question seemed intrusive, but I couldn’t see the harm in answering it. Replying would cost me nothing and gain Doldimar little.
“I don’t like what it does to me,” I said. “Seeing the world in slow motion and vibrating to the tune of Ele’s power aren’t exactly pleasant experiences.”
“Ah. Perhaps you should try my blade, then. Lighteater,” Doldimar said.
He pointed at the two-handed sword hanging from my shoulder.
“Completely the opposite of its counterpart.”
Did he think I was stupid? Shaking my head, I pointed ahead of me.
“Go on. You first.”
I kept a close eye on Doldimar’s back as we marched toward this evening’s campsite. In the past, I’d never considered surrender as a possible outcome for this conflict. The idea had seemed too far-fetched, and yet, here we were. I half-expected Doldimar to turn on me at any moment, but we arrived at our destination without a single surprise.
As the students’ excited chatter reached me, I turned grim. I’d wanted to make tonight special, a glorious evening of fun and frivolity to drown out their guilt, but with this—I needled my gaze at the small of Doldimar’s back—my plans were ruined.
The two of us came into view, and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the students, my fellow primeancers, in their unguarded state. The group had decided to let their ocean-soaked clothing dry on their bodies while their drenched hair lay flat on their heads. Games from the beach had carried up the ridge to the campsite. Young ones were chasing one another in rings around the fire, and the adults amusedly poked and prodded giggling children into meal preparation and bedroll arrangements.
An Ele child, Pavensu, caught sight of first me and then, Doldimar, and the excited grin that had bloomed at the sight of her protector froze on her face with her eyes widening. She and a Daevetch child, Calium, had been sneakily examining my fireworks when Doldimar and I had emerged from the trees, but her behavior made Calium turn, and on seeing us, his features went slack, as if drunk.
Pavensu screamed, and after seeing what had distressed her, all twenty primeancers settled into battle stances, although the response times for the Daevetch aligned were slightly more sluggish.
“Raise your hands if you don’t want to get blasted by fourteen Ele streams,” I said with pride warming my otherwise tight voice.
Doldimar did as I’d suggested, if more slowly that I’d have liked. He stared with fascination at the light and shadow-coated limbs confronting him.
“It’s all right, everyone,” I shouted, stepping in front of Doldimar. “Everything’s under control.”
The students flicked fearful eyes between me and their former oppressor, so I bade Ele to cover my hands, broadly displaying them.
“See? I couldn’t call on Ele if he’d caught me in a Vice,” I said. “Doldimar and I just need to… discuss a few things. Go to the beach. Wait for your orders. Jeme, can you hang back?”
The Zrelnach warrior nodded, and gradually, the other students retreated, taking their confusion and uncertainty with them. I pointed at the ground beside the fire.
“Sit,” I said. “Stay.”
While Doldimar arranged himself, I grabbed Jeme’s arm, dragging her away from the campsite.
“What’s going on, Your Majesty?” she asked. “You’re not under his control, so why isn’t the bastard dead?”
“You have such confidence in my ability to kill him,” I said.
“Can you not?” she said.
I brushed the question aside.
“Doldimar’s surrendered. That’s why he’s not dead yet.”
“Your Majesty…” Jeme said. “You can’t believe he’d truly do such a thing.”
“No, of course I don’t, Jeme!” I said with a strained laugh bursting from me. “Doldimar is the most manipulative son of a bitch I’ve heard tell of, but every minute I spend with him, pretending I do believe him, is another that Auden can use to prepare.”
When her eyes widened, I nodded.
“You must send word as quickly as possible. Doldimar’s appearance can only mean that he’s ready to make his move,” I said. “Have Tejesper shade meld home with the news, but once he’s delivered it, he and the other Daevetch students are to translocate to our fallback position. You saw how they reacted to Doldimar’s presence, a hesitation that’s sure to get them killed in battle. I won’t be responsible for sending children to their deaths.”
“Understood, sir,” Jeme said. “What about the rest of us?”
“You’ll have to find your own way home. My original plan for getting you to shore is no longer viable,” I said. “Return to the capital with all haste. Get my wife out, and as soon as I can, I’ll join the fight.”
Assuming I survived the coming conversation, of course.
“I have some ideas for reaching the mainland,” Jeme said. “Any other orders, sir?”
“Spread the word as fast as you can, Jeme.”
I looked toward camp and the solitary figure sprawled beside it.
“Doldimar’s coming,” I said under my breath.
“Understood,” Jeme said. “Good luck, sir.”
“And to you.”
By the explosion of light around me, I knew she was already gone.
“Keep him delayed,” Nylion said. “Great plan but we should also try to pry information out of him.”
Nyl, of course I’m going to do that, I said. Gods, we’re dead. You know that, right?
“If we die, at least it will be in defense of our home,” Nylion said. “And at least we will be together.”
Yes. Thank Alouin for that.
Resting my palm on Nylion’s cheek, I kissed him, and while this didn’t feel the same as it did in our shared dream space, it was enough.
Pulling away, I said, Keep a close watch while I speak with him. You’re better at detecting subterfuge than me.
“Of course,” Nylion said. “I love you, heart of my heart.”
With a half-smile, I said, I love you too.
Chapter 95: What Do You Want?
Raimie
I trudged into the fire’s vicinity. Retrieving strips of salted pork—a traveler’s standard fare—from an abandoned pack, I tossed some to Doldimar before settling opposite him.
“How in the void have you gotten Daevetch primeancers to work with the Ele infected?” the Eselan asked.
Given the lack of preamble, he must have been restraining that question since our initial confrontation with the students, and I cast an annoyed look his way.
“With great difficulty,” I said.
Tearing a chunk off my dinner, I chewed on it, amused by the frustration that flashed across Doldimar’s face. I’d give him nothing, playing the game for as long as I could before my enemy got bored and moved on to his next tactic.
“What was that about?” Doldimar asked next, gesturing to where I’d given Jeme her orders.
“I’d think that was fairly obvious,” I said. “Unless you think I was planning on keeping my students on the same island as you, which… ha!”
Doldimar drew his eyebrows together, looking confused, which was strange to see on someone who was supposed to embody evil.
“Oh,” he said after a moment. “No, I wasn’t talking about the conversation you were holding. I meant the touching the air and talking to no one bit.”
I froze with a strip of meat raised halfway to my lips.
“None of your business,” I woodenly said.
No fucking way was I letting Doldimar learn about Nylion. Keeping his existence secret wouldn’t protect my other half much—what happened to me happened to him, after all—but I wouldn’t put it past the Champion of Daevetch to find some way to torture Nylion after learning about him.
“I’ve obviously hit a nerve,” Doldimar said with a laugh in his voice. “Careful, young one. Don’t give away your weaknesses so easily.”
Ignoring him, I finished off the strip I’d been holding before leaning back on a hand.
After watching me for what seemed like forever, Doldimar eventually growled, “How long do you expect us to sit here?”
“A boat should return for pickup in the morning,” I said around a mouthful. “We can find Rhylix once we’re on the mainland, but no way are we shade melding there. I don’t trust you with the technique. In all honesty, I should probably induce sleep in you with Ele, but I don’t plan to, not unless you give me a reason for it.”
“Fair enough.”
To my surprise, Doldimar, living embodiment of Daevetch, tore into his share of dinner. Watching him eat, I could almost believe that my companion was an ordinary man, but I’d seen far too much of his devastating handiwork to accept the illusion.
As he finished his meal, he said, “Thank you. For the food, I mean.”
“It was no trouble,” I automatically said before wincing.
“Polite too,” Doldimar said. “You look at me, and I see no hate. Disgust for my choices but no disdain for me.”
Doldimar wordlessly stared at me before flinching, snapping his gaze to the side.
“No,” he growled. “Not yet.”
“Is that your ‘babysitter’?” I asked. “Which aspect monitors you? Rhylix’s is Creation and yours…?”
Again, Doldimar stared, but this unblinking gaze was one of calculating evaluation.
“Corruption,” was what he eventually shared.
“Order. Chaos,” I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder at my splinters, “but I call them Bright and Dim. Their actual names are too stuffy for me.”
“You’re a strange man, Raimie, king of Auden,” Doldimar said.
“Thank you. I think.”
The fire spit sparks into the air between us, and I traced those glowing embers’ rise into the air until they cooled, becoming ash.
“Would you like to know a secret?” Doldimar asked. “It’s about your family.”
I tensed at the change in the Eselan’s voice. It had gone darker and colder, and I knew we’d reached a tipping point, the reason Doldimar had ‘surrendered’ in the first place.
“My family has many secrets,” I said. “I doubt you could say much on the subject to surprise me, but you’re welcome to try.”
“You were correct before,” Doldimar continued, apparently content to ignore what I’d said. “Three hundred years is a long time, even for ones as long-lived as E and me, but I vividly remember your ancestor, the king who gave me Auden. Did you know he tried to negotiate with me?”
He barked a laugh.
“Of course, I had no intention of honoring any agreement we made. That deception kept Daevetch occupied for years. Being its Champion is a delicate tightwire to balance. Feeding Daevetch chaos, destruction, and deception is demanding enough on its own, but sustaining it just enough that it’s distracted from unleashing hell upon reality is nearly impossible, especially on the days when my sanity flees from me.”
The Eselan fell silent with his eyes unfocusing, and I gave him time. Every minute of his distraction was another Auden could use for her defense. I almost laughed aloud at the thought, so similar to what my enemy had said.
“In any case,” Doldimar eventually continued, “I was speaking about Auden’s last king, the one before you. You should know that he wasn’t a coward, despite what the history books may say. King Eledis was simply too cautious with how he defended Auden, and as a result, he, along with his wife and best friend, were all cursed in their separate ways.”
“Wait, Eledis?” I said. “As in like my grandfather, Eledis? Why would his parents have named their child after such a failure?”
Doldimar flashed his teeth at me. With our latest conversation topic, his features had morphed from amused to something else, something much more threatening, and I had to restrain a shiver at the sight of it.
“Listen quietly to my story, boy, and I may give you a chance to stop what’s coming,” he snapped.
To my dismay, I couldn’t stop my breathing from quickening in response, which only made Doldimar smile.
“As I was saying, the three were cursed, or blessed depending on your point of view, by the Eselan bitch who foretold of your eventual triumph, Raimie, king of Auden.”
“Emir, the king’s Eselan bodyguard and best friend, was forced into a permanent shape change, one of a human’s features. His curse reflects his sustained reliance on shape change while in the Audish court. He now goes by the name of Marcuset, I believe.”
“Illasaya, the king’s wife, was burdened with a memory that wipes itself clean when she sleeps. Her curse reflects her willful ignorance of her husband’s misdeeds. Her newest name is Kaedesa, queen of Ada’ir.”
“Now, Eledis, he was afflicted with aging, his body to become a plain truth of the years that he’s lived. His curse was made in response to his disguises, meant to deceive the world into believing him an Ele primeancer. He never changed his name, moving on with his life until his descendant found Shadowsteal. Until you.”
“And in case you haven’t realized it yet, all three were cursed to live until they correct their mistakes by ridding the world of me.”
Rising to his feet, Doldimar deeply bowed, lifting his eyes to meet mine.
“Is that enough of a surprise for you?” he asked.
Reeling, I desperately searched for something, anything for me to cling to. First, the revelation years ago that my family had hidden my true past, stealing Nylion from me, and now, this. Was there anything genuine or true in my family? How false were the men I’d spent my childhood with?
“We have another family now, Raimie. We have Ren,” Nylion said. “Do not let the deceptions of the people who spawned us make you lose focus. Doldimar is playing with us.”
My other half might as well have been talking to thin air. I couldn’t truly hear him, not with my thoughts churning through what Doldimar had exposed.
What rocked me about this revelation was how obvious it was, concerning Eledis at least. So many of that man’s inexplicabilities made perfect sense in the context of him as the exiled king of Auden. My grandfather… ancestor’s eagerness to accept the quest of liberating Auden, the friendship between him and Uncle Marcuset, his frustrations with me as king, the average Audish citizen’s hateful reactions to him, the initial hostility between him and Auntie Kaedesa…
Kaedesa. I’d almost married her. Fuck, I’d be sick!
Scrambling away from the fire, I coughed up dried meat chunks while Doldimar’s snickering gave chase, and Nylion’s nausea only compounded mine. When my body gave me control again, I marched on the Eselan, binding the Ele in his body to the ground’s. Doldimar dropped with an oomph, and I planted a foot on his chest, resting Silverblade on his neck.
“What do you have planned?” I snapped. “I’ve spent years preparing for your return, knowing it would never be enough. So, tell me what will happen to my people, and I might not hurt you before sending you to sleep.”
Doldimar laughed, great gasps that sent my planted foot up and down like it might move during an earthquake.
“Your threats mean nothing to me, boy,” he said. “You can do nothing that I haven’t experienced a thousand times before.”
The gray eyes set above Doldimar’s manic grin screamed the truth of what he’d said, and seeing that, I shrank inside. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath.
“We truly were looking for a solution to break you free from the cycle, you know,” I said.
Then, I induced sleep in my enemy.
What a mess. I wished Rhylix had left me a note, a message, some indication of his intended destination before taking off. If my friend had completed that one small task… if I knew where he was, I could retrieve him and bring him here.
As it was, Doldimar would be free to enact his plan as soon as the Ele in his body dissipated, and I couldn’t stay here to refresh it. I needed to fly home and rally the troops. If only I could keep my enemy pinned…
“Why not try Lighteater?” Nylion said. “It is not the best solution, but it might work.”
Oh, Nyl! Gods, I’m sorry I ignored you, I said. I just-
“It is fine, Raimie. I could feel how you reacted to Doldimar’s story, the same as you could with me. It was… intense. Let us not worry about that but our current problem,” Nylion said. “So. Lighteater?”
You think that’s a good idea with how heavily he baited us to hold the sword earlier? I asked.
“I cannot think of another solution. Can you?”
I drifted my gaze to Doldimar’s weapons belt, discarded by the fire.
Lighteater. It was Shadowsteal’s mirror. I’d watched Teron use it to obliterate Bright. If it could destroy a splinter, could it pin the Champion of Daevetch in place, even if it was associated with the same primal force? If it could, I wouldn't need to worry about Doldimar escaping my hold, not on this remote isle. He'd stay in place, long enough for me to find Rhylix, and together, we could decide what to do next.
Hesitantly approaching, I leaned over the blade with my fingers shaking when I paused.
Did I want to do this? The sensations that Shadowsteal imposed on me were bad enough. Did I want to learn what its opposite would inflict?
The alternative was to leave an immensely powerful Daevetch primeancer here, to be freed at an unspecified time. Better to try a shaky plan than to do nothing at all, even if Bright and Dim were violently shaking their heads no.
I drew Lighteater.
The moment my palm touched the grip, a surge of power lazily flowed up my arm, unnaturally swelling my muscles until they pushed against my skin. At this oddity, I’d have dropped the weapon if I hadn't been so distracted.
My surroundings had changed. Shades of black were painted across the world.
Fortunately, one thing had stayed the same. Dim appeared as their normal, unassuming self at my side, to my relief.
Because the rest of the world had skewed. In this view, fire went dark rather than glowed, deeper in hue than grass or tree, and its gay liveliness had taken on a violent tone with tongues of flame hungrily reaching for me. Anything that had life in it had twisted and contorted into grim distortions, becoming sickly and wan.
Two total abnormalities occupied my immediate vicinity. The deep-within-the-caverns-of-the-earth, far-from-the-sun form must be Doldimar, which made the rigid fixture beside me Bright. In my hand, Lighteater twitched toward the fixture, but I willed it to stay still. I didn’t have time to recompose a splinter today.
As when I held Shadowsteal, motes coalesced around me, but these were solid, black shadows rather than white orbs. When the motes sped toward me, I didn’t flinch from them. I knew these Daevetch fragments wouldn’t harm me, much like those of Ele never had.
Or so I thought. After my skin had absorbed several dozen of them, a high-pitched whine assaulted my ears, and the black world shimmered and cracked. From these cracks, formless monsters of oozing shadow slithered, advancing on me.
I took a step back, lifting Lighteater, and as if prompted by my retreat, a host of phantasmal whispers started. I didn’t know how I could hear them over the ear-splitting eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all around me, but half-whispers, unfinished threats, and promises drifted alongside that maddening noise, and I clutched at my temples with my fists, trying to block it out. I barely kept from slicing my shoulder open at the same time.
“I see you’ve claimed my sword.”
At first, I thought this voice was simply another whisper, but the statement it had uttered hadn’t been half-completed. I raised my eyes toward its source with difficulty, fighting against my brain going into overload.
Doldimar’s pitch-black form stood a pace away with its head cocked. I could imagine the fascination surely contorting those features, lying on the plane above that faceless black.
“Finally!” Doldimar said. “Catch me if you can, Raimie, king of Auden.”
And he disappeared.
“It is a trap, heart of my heart!”
A thread of warning had been thrown into the whispers, a splash of fear added to mine, but I barely registered these things before discounting them. Instead, my rattled mind slogged toward a conclusion that should have been instantaneous, and when it hit, I shade melded after my enemy.
When I skimmed among the shadows this time, I somehow retained my sense of self, but on this trip, something new, something dangerous, accompanied me as well.
I considered abandoning Lighteater beneath the world’s skin. A hiss negated that option. I didn’t understand how or why, but the formless monsters that had crawled through reality’s cracks had joined me in the shadows, and they were prepared to chase me to the ends of the earth.
Panicking, I fumbled for a remnant of my enemy, and when I brushed against a cloyingly sweet taint, I latched on and zoomed along its trail. The journey seemed to last forever, a prolonged struggle to burn through Doldimar’s remnants as quickly as I could.
Behind me, the hisses never ceased pursuing me. I could feel their glee in the hunt.
I knew I was nearing the end when the shadows’ core changed from one of acceptance to one of distaste. Soon enough, they wouldn’t tolerate me anymore, and I’d be spewed from their embrace.
I was forced to blindly trust that Doldimar wouldn’t dump us at the bottom of the ocean or the middle of a volcano. The destination snapshots that usually accompanied my shade melding weren’t flashing before my eyes, so when I stepped out of the shadows and breathed clean air, I shook with relief while relaxing long-clenched muscles.
That was when Daevetch slammed into me. Its impact wasn’t a steady stream of motes gently absorbed into my body. It was a carriage running me over, an outpouring of shadows from the glowing halo opposite me, and the black river eagerly stampeded over my body to gather around the sword I was holding.
I flew through the air for a split second before smashing into something cold and hard. Pinned there, I listened to the dissonant sound of Bright and Dim shrieking, all while peeling my fingers off of metal.
Lighteater fell out of my hand, and I dropped to all fours, gasping and coughing. Nylion’s hand slapped over mine with his arms violently shaking.
“Ra… mie… watch…”
A shuffle sounded somewhere nearby, but before I could rise to confront Doldimar, a boot tip connected with my chin, snapping my head back. I fell sideways, and a crackling rumble gave me an instant’s warning before the stone above me came crashing down.
When its thundering roar ceased, I unclenched my body, amazed that I was still alive. As I opened my eyes, their lashes brushed against stone, and I turned to ice, inside and out. Carefully, oh so carefully, I traced the perimeter of my dimly lit prison.
Prison wasn’t the right word. A cell gave the prisoner room to move around in. This was a coffin.
The air seemed to go thin. I could see, which meant that a hole in this coffin was letting light and fresh air inside, but that knowledge didn’t change the fact that I couldn’t breathe. Stone caressed me everywhere, and I tried to pull away from it, only to touch more. My frantic fidgeting left abrasions on my exposed skin while blood welled to the surface with every increasingly agitated twitch. A scream built in my chest, but before I could unleash it, a voice splashed into my panic.
“Thank you for doing exactly as I hoped, Raimie,” Doldimar said. “I’ve been trying to bring Lighteater near a tear for ages.”
Metal scraped on stone: the Dark Lord probably retrieving his blade.
“Ahh…” he sighed. “That feels much better than I expected.”
“My people won’t make this easy for you, Doldimar,” I shouted. “We’ve had years to prepare, and this time, we have the advantage of knowing what you’re capable-”
“I know about your preparations,” Doldimar said. “Kylorian has kept me appraised.
I went very still with my breathing, even my heartbeat pausing.
“Kylorian?” I whispered.
I’d thought… we were friends. We’d spent so much time together and- and-
“That son of a bitch,” Nylion breathed somewhere nearby.
No, I couldn’t believe it. Kylorian wouldn’t do this. He loved Auden too much to work with its former oppressor.
“Yes, Kylorian. That man has been such a mess to handle. So moody,” Doldimar said. “It took me a while to drag his name out of him, but I eventually got what I wanted. As I always do. It helped that his own father had carved such deep paths for instant obedience and mental avoidance into his brain. I’ll have to thank the man, if I ever meet him.”
Fucking hell, that bastard actually had betrayed me.
I screamed, thrashing against the stone restraining me, and outside of it, Doldimar cackled.
“I love that noise, Raimie, former king of Auden,” he said. “I look forward to hearing more of it when I return from destroying your pathetic kingdom.”
And I was alone. I screamed again, pounding my fists on the ground, letting the ugliness inside of me pour into the world.
When I was calm enough to think logically, I searched for my sources to either Daevetch or Ele, but I found neither. I tried to shade meld home, but the shadows wouldn’t accept me without Dim. Shuffling in micrometers, I eventually found a peephole that I could peer through, and my heart sank.
I hadn’t wanted to believe what Doldimar had said, but there, outside of my coffin, hung the proof: a nauseating slit of black haloed by white strips. No wonder Bright and Dim wouldn’t respond to me.
Another fit of rage and frustration took over, one that slowly morphed into something much worse. With hot tears blazing down my cheeks, I clawed at stone while pain flared from my nails. My mind was screeching at this immobilization until a forced wave of calm rolled over me.
“Stop, Raimie,” Nylion tiredly said. “There is nothing you can do. We are trapped.”
Chapter 96: Home
Rhylix
‘This is impossible.’
As I dazedly wandered down the streets of the city I’d once called home, this was the only thought that occupied my mind. The structural damage from Doldimar’s first successful military campaign had been erased with no half-collapsed buildings or shattered cobblestone anywhere in sight. Beautifully familiar homes and intervaled braziers dotted the hill I was climbing, all exactly as my carefully constrained memories insisted they’d once been.
The memories that were now threatening to break free.
It really is too bad about the coin purse. With it, I can pay you, and I was looking forward to doing the same by treating you to dinner.
A flash of bewilderment and intrigue.
Will you need that help, once we’re alone tonight?
Anticipation and excitement.
We… we’re having a baby?
Yes.
The tinkle of laughter, accompanied by joy.
Uncle Eri?
Despair and hopelessness.
I would love to answer that question, just like I need to know what happened to you, but Arivor needs you right now.
Gratitude to her and anxiety for what comes next.
I’m so sorry. I should have been-
Were doing what… needed.
A hole in my heart and DEVASTATION.
I struggled to bury my memories and their sharp spikes of pain beneath the weight of my thousand past lives, and with a gasp, I ended up clinging to a brazier’s pole to keep from sagging. Once control had reasserted itself, I continued down the street with my feet unconsciously walking a path they’d trodden many times before.
Maybe it was time to face those memories instead of running from them. Time to sort the grim from the good, time to confront the trembling mess that the ghastly ones made of me.
But not here, not now. Not in this well-known city, coated by a thin film of Ele. Not while I was surrounded by fidgeting, muttering, twitching Kiraak.
My control of my invisibility bubble hadn’t dropped with the past’s violent attack on my mind, thank Alouin, and the black-vined people around me continued to aimlessly amble or lounge nearby, undisturbed by the cessation of my quiet, hitching sobs.
Swallowing hard, Eria- I tried to get my bearings once more. With my ingress delayed for a day by Ele’s reluctance to come at my call, I’d only set foot in the city a few moments ago. I’d entered through the east gate, which made this… the slums. The place I’d come from. I hurried down the street, pushing aside fleeting images of neighbors, lifting their hands in greeting.
Soon, not soon enough, I blew into the merchant’s district. Glass and obsidian shops replaced wooden homes, and the street widened into a large square, occupied by a single, massive oak tree. The pathway narrowed on the other side of the marketplace. It would continue to enlarge and constrict—to breathe—until it smacked into the line that divided the merchant’s district from the district of the divine, and there, it would die, once more becoming a smooth, inanimate path.
My destination didn’t lie that way. Instead, my feet took me to the side, along an artery that funneled the people—the city’s lifeblood—into its lungs.
I encountered little pressure while striding away from the city’s heart. My old hometown was long dead, and parasites infested its corpse. The further from the marketplace that I traveled, the fewer of those parasitizing Kiraak clogged the streets until I realized I hadn’t seen one for at least a mile.
Unease bubbled in my gut, slowing my feet, as I halted in front of a two-story cottage, marked with a modest supply of obsidian trim. Home. I reached for the door with a shaking hand and gently pushed it open, soon greeted by the shadows within.
Checking that no Kiraak had snuck up on me, I dropped my bubble of invisibility, pulling Ele through my source to make a torch of my hand. Taking a deep breath, I plunged inside.
Close the door behind you, Eri. You’re letting the cold inside.
Numbly shutting the door, I glanced around an empty living room. It was exactly as Doldimar had described, exactly as I remembered it from that last, awful day. The paintings on the wall, the small dresses mixed in with tossed-aside laundry. Yellow, the color of happiness.
Sharply sucking in a breath, I ran to the back door. The fire that had eventually consumed the garden had left no trace of its passage. Trees and flower bushes flourished, blossoming in the same spots where they’d been planted long ago—Look, Eri, this dress is ruined! I’ll never get the dirt out—and an assortment of pots that should have been shattered was precariously balanced by the door instead. Only three new plants invaded the scene of an undisturbed, happy past: an azalea bush, a squat apple tree, and rarest of them all, an Eselan-crafted iceflower.
I approached the apple tree first, ignoring the other two. Resting my palm against its trunk, I opened my mouth before shaking my head.
“I’m sorry, Rafe,” was all I managed to say.
Letting my hand slip away, I trudged to the other two.
“Hey, girls,” I said on standing between them. “Sorry I’ve taken so long to visit since I… buried you. Arivor’s kept me busy with fixing my mistake, with-”
I choked on the lie. Slowly, I folded to the ground before I could lose my balance.
“I’m a coward,” I said. “I was afraid of what a visit would do to me. My solitude is bad enough without a reminder of what I once had. I miss you two so much.”
I trailed my fingers through the azalea’s leaves before crawling to the iceflower.
“I’ve made a friend, Lirilith,” I said. “I think you’d like him. His compassion and disregard for society’s rules remind me of you. He’s helping me with healing.”
Closing my eyes, I entertained the pretense that my wife was nearby and watching.
“I don’t know if this would come as a comfort or a betrayal to you, but Arivor and I… no enmity lies between us anymore,” I said. “My argument rests with Doldimar, the bastard who replaces my friend every cycle, but we shouldn’t discuss him. I won’t desecrate this place with a hint of his presence.”
But I had nothing else to say to her. Leaning over, I cupped the iceflower’s chill petals, breathing in its mildly sweet scent, before standing.
“The next visit won’t be a thousand years from now. I promise,” I said.
Tucking my chin to my chest, I stormed to the shed in the corner of the garden, my old laboratory. Doldimar was somewhere in this city, but this place was vast. Searching it in its entirety would take a few days, and I needed somewhere to rest my head at night, an enclosed place that the Kiraak wouldn’t disturb. I couldn’t stay in the house—too many triggers that might spill memories over—but the lab? Here was a place of refuge without that danger in it.
Even before going inside, however, I knew something about the shed was off. As I approached it, a sick feeling churned in my stomach, but I dismissed that as a result of the unpleasant task I’d just undertaken.
I’d forced myself to confront my girls, the source of the hole in my heart. As a rule, I didn’t stab at open, festering wounds. I ignored them until they’d rotted from the inside, requiring excision. When I went against my natural inclinations, especially where Ele was concerned, I got nauseous, and my body ached in reaction to stress. I assumed the same held true for this most recent trial.
When I closed the shed’s door behind me, wearily leaned my forehead on it, and opened my eyes, however, I knew I’d been wrong, just as I remembered something I’d long forgotten. Woodenly, I faced the source of the wispy light that was illuminating the shed’s interior, and the tear’s draw instantly captured me.
Its attraction was a million times stronger than when Raimie had closed Da’kul’s tear or when I’d shown my friend the Accession Tear. Then, I’d been complete, but for years now, I’d been partially separated from Ele, and so, the energy that made up my life force sang to me from this break in reality.
I took a hesitant step forward, raising a hand to reach for it. Maybe if I touched its black slit like Raimie had, Ele would rush to fill the empty, gaping chasm in my essence.
“Rhylix,” someone behind me said.
I stopped. My hand drifted to my side.
“It’s good to see you, son.”
The world hushed while numbness spread from my head down my limbs and to the tips of my fingers and toes. I finally gave voice to the thought that had been a wheel, rolling over and over in my mind, since I’d stepped into this city.
“This isn’t possible. It can’t be! Ren said… she said you’d been taken. That she found no sign of you when visiting our old hometown, but
I couldn’t believe that, not after what I left you with.”
“That’s true,” the voice said. “I was facing six Kiraak when you ran.”
And I flinched away from that near-physical blow.
“You told me to run!” I said with a whine crowding my voice’s fringe.
“Face me, Rhy.”
It was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn’t want to see the ghost of my recent past brought to life in this vestige of my long-abandoned home, didn’t want to see what had become of the man I’d once called father. Not in this city. Not in what had to be the enemy’s headquarters.
But my father’s voice had made that request. The man who’d ignored racial prejudices to fall in love with my mother and had accepted me as a son. A man who’d willingly become a stop-gap for the hole that my birth father had created with his death. The man who despite my long-practiced efforts to hide it, had discovered what I was before my mother. Who’d watched me escape death’s clutches after a horrible hunting accident. Who’d never once said a word about something that most would view as a miracle or a curse. (It was a curse.) The one who’d insisted on defending me from the Kiraak, despite the knowledge that I could easily survive everything those monsters threw at me. How could I refuse him?
So, I turned until I saw his feet, and I reluctantly raised my gaze. My father’s black eyes steadily met mine.
“An Enforcer?” came my strained whisper.
In a city’s noise, that question would have been hardly audible, but it boomed in the shed’s stillness.
“He made you an Enforcer?”
I’d known Doldimar had probably made my father a Kiraak, if he’d been taken like Ren had suggested, but…
Flinching, my father crossed his arms.
“What did you expect to see, Rhy?” he asked. “Doldimar’s owned me for years.”
“I’m sorry,” I breathed.
For not staying to fight with him. For returning too late. For not searching longer for his corpse. For the urge, deep inside of me, to rip my father apart, making it as if he’d never been.
My father squeezed his arms tighter around his chest, looking away.
“How’s your sister?” he said to a spot over my head.
“Good. Happy,” I grunted, balling my hands into fists at my sides. “With child.”
Surprise flickered across my father’s face.
“I’m going to be a grandfather?” he whispered with something unspeakable crinkling his face.
Then, he returned his eyes to me, wincing.
“Gods, it must ache to resist killing me. Your control has always been admirable, son,” he said, “but in this case, you should have succumbed to your needs as soon as they made themselves known.”
Aghh… I must rid the world of the filth in front of me. I was carving crimson crescents into my palm, and my arms were shaking, so badly did I need this. That filth, however, was my father, and I wouldn’t be the one to end him. Not when Raimie might cure his affliction.
“Why is… that?” I huffed through clenched teeth.
My father sadly smiled at me, but a hint of something else glittered in the black of his eyes.
“Because, son,” he said. “I’m the distraction.”
A foreign chill stabbed through my back, plunging deeper, deeper, until it reached my heart and twisted. For a moment, I stood there, examining the sword point jutting through my ribs, but shock couldn’t long stand against such devastating damage to the body.
All I was became pain, such staggering pain. My chest was fire while a fist squeezed my body’s engine, and I couldn’t breathe. I gasped and coughed and hacked, but nothing relieved the pressure in the space where my heart had been, the vacuum that was crushing my sternum to my spine.
Someone unseen snaked a limb under my arms and around my chest, taking my weight as my legs gave out.
“Hey, E,” they whispered. “Glad you could make it.”
That supporting arm lowered me to my side while my head lolled. All energy was diverted to maintaining the spark of life in my irreparably damaged body.
“Nice bit of acting,” someone said.
“Thank you, Your Greatness,” my father replied.
It didn’t make sense. Pain, my old friend, had come to greet me, and I was dying again, but this time was so. much. worse. A ripping, searing blaze located not in my chest, not where my heart had been, but in the threads of Ele that kept me rooted in this world. The absolute, mind-consuming, screeching AGONY.
My back arched, and a shriek was lodged in my mouth, on the verge of unleashing, but it was unable to go further, not with my muscles tautened to stone.
“Hurts, doesn’t it?” said my murderer.
I fought through the fog to identify that voice, and when I did, disbelief numbed me. How had I not felt…?
Dread broke through the gradually ebbing clench in my chest.
“Dol… di… mar,” I managed to gasp.
“Oh, good. I wasn’t sure if you’d realize before you died,” my enemy (friend) happily chirped. “Isn’t this exciting? I’ve never won before, E.”
Oh, gods. The world… the world without Ele…
Doldimar chuckled at the desperate whine keening from me, a snicker that my father joined.
My father… I was… dying, and my father stood there and… laughed.
“Why” was the world flashing in and out of focus? What was this darkness tugging on me? I’d died so many times before, but this… nothingness was new, different, and it terrified me. I struggled to stay in the world of light and life, pushing against nothingness with what remained in me.
Which wasn’t much.
“Why, what?” Doldimar asked.
What.
I’d meant to ask something before this nothingness had come calling, but my new fight had driven it from my mind. What had it been?
“He wants to know why me.”
My father had supplied both the question and the answer.
“Oh!” Doldimar said, clapping his hands. “This is the best part, E! Let me introduce you. Meet Coleath, aspect Deception.”
Ah, that was it. Why was my father standing, laughing, by Doldimar’s side while his son died? Painfully. Slowly. Had Daevetch… already ensnared my father…?
The pressure where my heart had once beat went still, making the only source of continued pain the flare consuming Ele, starving as its fuel burned to smoke.
And nothingness nipped at my heels. I took another shuddering breath, hoping air—blessed, clean air—would drive it away, but it only advanced more quickly. It stole my past lives, my origins, and my current life until only the idea of Rhylix stood and fought.
Fought to keep Ele in the world. Fought for forgotten friends and family. Fought simply to be difficult.
“What’s taking so long?” someone I’d hated (loved) whined.
“Without the heart, the body can last a few minutes before expiring,” said someone I… I… “Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon.”
“I want it over now!”
A blunt object crushed my skull, and nothingness dragged the screaming remnant of me under.
Chapter 97: That Was Close
Rhylix
When I woke up surrounded by Ele, all I could do was lie still and stunned.
“Huh,” I grunted.
“What a total fuck up, Gaelen.”
I shot upright, but it wasn’t because of the man speaking to me. I searched for and found the never-ending Daevetch landscape, separated from me by a thinning, gray line. When I sprang to my feet, meaning to sprint to the border, Alouin caught my shoulder.
“He’s not there.”
Sucking in a breath, I shrugged Alouin’s hand off of me, and in a fugue, I paced, twining my fingers in my hair.
“What do I do?” I gasped. “What do I do?”
Losing control of my legs, I painfully landed on my back with the breath knocked from me.
“Ships, you’re annoying sometimes.”
Alouin’s twitching fingers gave me a clue about how I’d ended up on the ground.
Shaking his head, he continued, “You do nothing, silly man. I do everything. Again. I swear. Your iteration drains more from me than the sum of the others. Get your shit together, Gaelen.”
Galen…?
“What’s wrong with you?” I snapped. “You should know better than to manipulate me with your strange magic, and my name hasn’t been Gaelen in ages. It’s Rhylix now.”
Stopping with his annoying habit of playing with the air, Alouin coldly stared at me.
“Do you want my help or not?” he asked.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to be free of this curse, as I might be with this change, but the world…
And Raimie…
“Please,” I hissed. “If you can… if it’s possible for you to take a side in this miserable war, please help me.”
Alouin nodded with his fingers caressing the air once more before kneeling at my side. He moved to poke my forehead but paused midway to touching me.
“Can I ask,” he said with a troubled expression crossing his face, “who’s your friend? He came here once. Insisted that we’d met. I’m afraid I lost my temper and pushed him away before he could explain, though.”
Only one friend had ever made the slightest mention of meeting Alouin.
“Who, Raimie?” I said. “What do you want to know about him?”
“Raimie.”
Alouin said the name like he was chewing on it, trying it out for size, before focusing on me once more.
“He’s a… What do you call it in your iteration?”
“A primeancer?” I asked.
Because what else from my world could interest this unfathomable being?
“Yes, thank you. That. Of which primal force?” Alouin asked.
“…Both,” I said, now utterly confused.
I didn’t believe in gods, never had, but over the millennia, Alouin had shaken that conviction. I couldn’t fully commit to calling him a god, but he was immensely powerful and could always answer my many questions. Shouldn’t he know that Ramie was a dual primeancer?
“I thought I felt both energies in him after reviewing that visit,” Alouin said, as if to himself.
When he fell silent, I barely held my own tongue, itching to get going. I needed to have control of my feet and go home.
“When I stabilized the tears after my release, I noticed there were two fewer in your iteration,” Alouin soon continued. “Your friend’s doing?”
If I could, I would have cocked my head.
“Over the course of our journey together, Raimie has closed tears, yes,” I said.
Alouin fell still with his eyes so wide that I was afraid they might fall out of their sockets.
“Finally,” he breathed. “Hope.”
He smiled, but it wasn’t a pleasant one that might warm the people who saw it. It was cold, calculating, triumphant, and on seeing it, I suddenly wanted to be nowhere near this being. Wishing I could fidget, I cleared my throat.
“If you can get me back to the physical plane, could you please just do it?” I asked. “I have time-sensitive issues to address there.”
The spell that had frozen Alouin shattered, and his smile softened. It was the first time he’d looked like himself throughout this strange encounter.
“Yes, of course,” he said. “Thank you, Rhylix!”
He pressed his finger to my brow, and white light blinded me.
A shaky gasp broke the stillness of my old laboratory. Gingerly, I sat up, wincing at the tugging ache in my chest, and when I removed my hand from my breastbone, it came away sticky, making me groan. Over my heart, blood was soaking my tunic and ever-trusty cloak, front and back. At least the fabric’s saturated state could hide its torn rents. For now.
“Oh, thank the whole!” Creation said in a rush. “I thought the war was lost.”
The splinter was kneeling beside me, and at the sound of their voice, I jerked away from them, grunting at the wash of pain that followed the sudden movement.
“Creation,” I said once the twinge had passed. “Where’ve you been?”
“Busy,” the splinter snapped. “Not busy enough to miss the wrench across the iterations when Arivor stabbed you, nor to feel you completely cut from the whole. To feel when you died in truth. How are you alive? Your death should have ended this cycle, albeit in the enemy’s favor for once, but ended it nonetheless.”
“Alouin helped,” I said.
I was still unclear about why or even how that being had helped, but for now, I wasn’t going to question it, not when I had somewhere to be.
Groaning, I delicately climbed to my feet. Creation was silent while I trudged to the door, but then, they snapped in front of me, shoving a shaking finger in my face.
With fear widening their eyes, they whispered, “You cannot accept Alouin’s help, Eriadren.”.
“Why not?” I asked, pushing through Creation and moving outside.
Night had fallen, but the glow of a city wrapped in Ele almost fooled me into thinking otherwise. In the dark, light blazed, a glistening beacon that promised comfort and warmth to the weary traveler. It was beautiful.
I shook myself out of my reverie, realizing that Creation had continued jabbering while the view had distracted me.
“-tip the scales of the war!” they said in a barely contained scream. “You must promise me, Eriadren. Do not accept his help.”
Should I ask for a repeat of their explanation? Creation could have unintentionally revealed something important in the jumble they’d unleashed but…
Honestly, I didn’t care right now. My body ached, my chest felt like an elephant had stomped on it, and exhaustion was wearing me like a second skin. I was wrung-out and couldn’t be bothered to listen again so…
“An easy promise to make,” I said. “I don’t like accepting his help in the first place.”
Sagging, Creation clung to their knees.
“Thank you.”
I wanly smiled. It truly hadn’t been a hard promise to make.
“Come on, you,” I said. “Let’s find Doldimar. I have a debt to repay.”
The street that my home bordered was empty, but it had been abandoned as I’d approached it as well. Maybe I’d get lucky for once and avoid the Kiraak while on my way to find my old enemy (friend). Where could he have gone in this city we'd both once called home?
Then again, why should I worry about stumbling across one of Doldimar’s minions right now? After what had happened, I doubted I’d need to worry about them for a time. I could probably meander my way through a crowd of them without comment now that Doldimar thought I was dead.
As I strolled toward the markets, I hummed to myself, enjoying the imagined look on Doldimar’s face when I shoved a sword through his heart. A blank slate of black hung above my head with the stars drowned out by the city’s light.
My city. Maybe in the next cycle, I’d find time to lead my fellow Esela here, guiding them in the old ways. I could show them…
Having arrived at the closest marketplace, I screeched to a stop, both in stride and mind. Where before Kiraak had crowded this square, now it was deserted. Fearful of what I’d discover, I cast my senses in all directions, as far as they’d go, searching for any sign of Daevetch, and came up empty.
“Where are they?”
I rounded on Creation with my stomach plummeting.
“How long was I out?’
“If they’re not here, you know exactly where they’ve gone,” Creation said, “and you weren’t dead for long. Maybe half a day? I lost track after panic set in.”
“Damnit!”
The invitation here, the presentation of my father; it had all been a ruse. To kill me, yes, but more importantly, to get me out of the way. Away from the city that I’d, in part, protected with my very presence for the last year and a half. Elisk.
Gods, Raimie and Ren! I’d left without saying a word. Auden had enjoyed peace for four years, long enough to believe that said peace might be permanent. They’d never see the attack coming.
“I have to get back,” I moaned.
But the task’s futility was already slashing through my heart.
“You’ll never make it in time,” Creation said, echoing my budding despair.
I ignored the splinter—easy after years of practice—and fled a city of memories, careening into the night like a bullet of light aimed for Auden’s heart.
Letter: Seer Drena
Seer Drena,
I thought you might like to learn where I am right now, although let’s be honest. You probably already know it. But since we’ve been pretending you can’t see the future for years now, I’ll tell you anyway.
I’m in Elisk, waiting for the end.
Don’t worry your pretty, little head about Emir. Our son is safely out of the city, doing what he does best: follow orders. He tried to persuade me to go with him, poor dear, but I refused him.
You see, I have a purpose for staying in this doomed city with these doomed people. After all the years when I’ve come home to you, I want to know if you’ll do the same when asked. Whichever way you eventually choose, I’ll happily die knowing whether you ever really loved me.
Was I simply an extension of your will for all these years? A tool with which to complete your agenda? Did you feel anything for me?
I have trouble believing that you did. A reasonable person doesn’t manipulate the one she loves, but perhaps that’s the problem. Perhaps your ability to the future has warped you as far from reasonable as it’s possible to be.
Do you know how difficult it is to be married to you, Drena? Never surprising you, always knowing you could be watching me. I was happy to accept all of these things and more. Because I loved you.
Meanwhile, you…
You lied to me. How could you?
Why did you keep the truth from me? Did you think I wouldn’t accept the truth that we couldn’t be saved, that our efforts would only help future generations? Well, I’ve got news for you, my dear. I’M NOT THAT WEAK!
You shouldn’t have offered me hope, only to snatch it away at the last minute. If I’d known the plan from the beginning, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so guilty for hating the man you insisted would save us all.
But you don’t read these letters to hear my grievances. You read them for one reason, and so, I’ll answer your questions. Yes, I did as you bade me. Yes, I argued with the Audish king’s Ministers until I was blue in the face. Yes, Eledis is free and headed for you now.
I have nothing more to say to you. Join me in Elisk or don’t. I’ll spend the time until Doldimar comes pretending that I don’t care.
Chapter 98: This Is It for Us
Raimie
“We’re going to die here, aren’t we?”
Stone, intruding on all sides, muffled my question. My words sounded as if they’d come through thick cloth until they bumped into one another in my head. Fortunately, Nylion heard me without a problem.
“Probably,” he said.
Nylion’s voice had come from outside of our coffin, a pinpoint I latched onto. It was helping with my cling to sanity. If I pretended my other half was really out there instead of trapped in here with me, I could continue breathing in an even rhythm rather than devolving into hyperventilation.
The only problem with this situation? With him outside, I couldn’t touch Nylion in any way, but although we both desperately needed that comfort, it wouldn’t ward off a debilitating panic attack, one that I couldn’t have. We’d tried having Nylion lie in this coffin with me enough times to know that now.
Alouin, Nyl. Tell me what you really think, I hissed.
But my mouth curled at the sour tone in Nylion’s voice. How did he always know how to cheer me up?
“Would you rather if I lied to you?” Nylion said. “Because I am not sure if I can. I have never lied to you before.”
That ripped the blossoming of something resembling a good mood out by the roots.
Never lied? I growled. What do you call hiding that our mother spent a huge chunk of our childhood beating us?
Nylion kept quiet while I simmered, in tune to our boiling blood, the powder keg waiting for a single spark.
After that heat had faded, he said, “I took what I thought to be the healthiest path, mentally, for us. I am sorry.”
It was my turn to stay silent. The ache in my neck had weakened, so I stretched to reach my peephole out of this coffin, eager to absorb the view of something other than dimly lit stone, mere inches from my nose.
“I know, Nyl,” I whispered.
Followed by I don’t blame you and How could you? in my head. Thankfully, Nylion didn’t comment on the thoughts that I knew he’d heard.
Just like I knew I wasn’t angry at Nylion. Not really. I might be a little irritated that he’d shouldered the burden of our mother’s abuse alone, without asking for help, but the white-hot, bitter RAGE that kept me from sleep on most nights, that required a self-medicated dose of alcohol to quell it, was directed at myself.
For years, I'd been oblivious not only to Nylion’s presence but also to what he’d been protecting me from. My debt to my other half was a drained gulf. It could never be filled, never repaid. I could try to do that for the rest of my life, and my efforts would never be enough unless…
No. I could never bring myself to surrender control, never be the one condemned to watch our life played out through our eyes, and that selfishness was why self-loathing had been my constant companion these days.
“Let us try again,” Nylion said.
I jumped; I'd been so consumed by drowning in misery. Again, how did Nylion always know how to cheer me up? Right when I began to crumble, there he was, throwing me a lifeline.
I cleared my throat, almost coughing.
“Bright? Dim? You two listening?” I called. “You saved me in Qena. Think you can do it again?”
Silence answered me, and as usual, when I sought my sources, I found nothing.
Do you think Doldimar destroyed them? I asked.
At the idea, a thrill of fear zipped under my skin.
“The bastard only had Lighteater with him, not Shadowsteal, so only Order was in danger,” Nylion said. “As for what could be keeping Chaos away, I have no idea.”
They’ve seemed weaker lately, I said. Have you noticed the cracks in their disguise? The ones they try so hard to hide from us?
“Yes. Gods, for a Daevetch splinter they are terrible at concealment,” Nylion said. “Do you think their weakening has something to do with their current lack of response?”
We ARE beside a tear, a glimpse into the primal forces. What do you think a weakened Daevetch splinter would do when confronted with their ‘whole’? I asked. Doesn’t explain why I can’t FEEL them, though.
Our current speculation was much appreciated, as was anything that could distract me right now. I couldn’t think about the certainty of stone’s weight above and around me, the inability to move—
It’s not right! Please, don’t hurt me! It’s not right!
—the loss of my Daevetch and Ele sources, the knowledge that my enemy was marching on my home while I lay here, trapped. The certainty that it and everyone I loved would be destroyed.
“Raimie, focus,” Nylion said.
With deep breaths, I beat back the fear that was clawing up my throat and the need to get out of my itching skin. Fuck, if only I could sleep. If only our circumstances, including a tenuous cling to sanity, weren’t keeping me and Nylion from our shared dream space, somewhere we could touch without the fear of spiraling into a panic attack. It didn’t matter to me that retreating like that would be selfish to an extreme, not anymore. Not after how long I hadn’t been able to move or breathe easily. Gods…
“How long have we been here?” I said, mostly to myself.
It must have been at least through the night. Grit scraped my eyes when I closed them, and my mind was wandering too freely. An empty void had taken the place of my stomach with every passing hour dragging more of my body into its grip, and my throat was a desert with my lips chapped and my tongue swollen. I was sincerely regretting the brandy skin that I’d drunk to steady my nerves before reaching the isles. It was better not to think about what was stiffening my clothes because of that.
“One day, thirteen hours, forty-two minutes,” Nylion said.
That’s an oddly specific number, I said. Where did you pull it from?
“An excellent internal clock?” Nylion said before laughing. “I am guessing, heart of my heart. I have no idea how long it has been since Doldimar left us here. At least a day.”
Which meant that depending on where the bastard had been hiding for the last four years, Elisk could already be under attack.
Flinching from that thought, I instead focused on the tear outside. My only realistic way out of this death trap would be with primeancy use, and even then, escape would be difficult. I’d have to shift collapsed stone with Daevetch and use Ele to prevent another cascade, all while holding perfectly still without an outside view. The task seemed more than a little daunting, but it was possible. Or it would be if I could reach either of my sources, which the tear was preventing. Dear gods, I hoped that was the case, at least.
Maybe… could I draw Ele or Daevetch from the tear? It was a hole into the plane that the primal forces occupied.
Hesitantly, I reached for a point of rigid calm or angry chaos beyond the black oval, but all I got was dread and panic, the typical reaction to something so obviously unnatural, so wrong.
With an exasperated sigh, I gave up on my attempt, although I didn’t relent in my glare. The tear was inanimate, a break in reality. It couldn’t respond to me, but I couldn’t help myself.
“If you’re going to block my splinters, the least you could do is give me another way out of this mess,” I shouted.
After a beat of quiet, Nylion chuckled.
“I like this game,” he said. “Will you relay something for me? I have a few choice words for those damn things, always trying to destroy me when…”
He trailed off as, as if in a delayed response, the middle of the waist-high tear bulged toward me, and for a moment, I was outside Qena, trying to bring their rip in reality under control again. I forgot that stone had ensnared me, forgot that I couldn’t move, and roughly jerked away. Rock ripped patches of skin off of my back and arms, and I stifled a scream while the bulge reached further… further…
Something stepped out of it. In a snap, black shucked away from a humanoid form before returning to its unnaturally natural formation.
A woman. The tear had just dropped a woman into the world.
“Well, that is new,” Nylion dryly said.
Shaking herself, the woman curiously took in her surroundings.
“Yup, this might be it, but don’t get your hopes up,” she said under her breath. “Remember Vathaylia.”
As she came closer, the tear’s halo of wispy light let me get a better look at her. With dirty-blonde hair, brown eyes, and a petite frame, she looked like an ordinary human. That perception was only marred by what she was wearing and the bulging satchel thrown over her shoulder.
A thin, silver chain was circled around her neck, accenting the soft lines of her jaw and exposed collar bones, and an embroidered jacket with knee-length coattails hung in an open cut over her chest, partially hiding a vest and buttoned shift beneath it. A pair of tight pants finished the picture with its cuffs tucked into leather boots that rose to mid-calf. With all of it in wine-red and black colors, it was a strange outfit, and if I hadn’t been so desperate to get away from this woman, I might have liked it.
“If this is home, the door to it opens onto the worst possible exit point,” she sighed. “I don’t see a crack in this cave’s walls. Do you?”
Who was she talking to? Carefully, I scooted as close to stone as I could, scanning her once more. Ordinary female, strange clothes, out-of-place accessories, and a white ball with brightly glowing, blue stripes circling it, one that was rolling alongside her. In my surprise, I must have made a noise because the woman snapped her head in my direction.
“Hello?” she said, reaching for her satchel’s flap. “Is someone there?”
Oh, gods! What should I do? She was coming my way, and what was she? Would she hurt me?
“The only way to find out is to talk to her, Raimie,” Nylion snapped. “Maybe she can help us.”
Oh.
While I’d panicked, the woman had started backing toward the tear with its black ovoid stretching eager fingers for her, and I cursed myself for almost letting a source of possible rescue walk away.
“Wait!” I shouted. “Please, don’t go. Can you help me?”
The woman stopped with the tear close enough to touch her. With her head cocked, she didn’t come closer, but at least she wasn’t leaving. If I could only get her to stay…
“I’ve been trapped by a cave-in, and I can’t move,” I said. “Please, I don’t know who you are or how you came through a tear, but I need your help. Will you give it to me?”
Tensed all to hell, the woman had her hands balled into fists with words tumbling from her lips.
“Don’t intervene, don’t intervene, don’t intervene-”
“Please!” I cried, although my voice was clogged with unshed tears. “My home! My wife! My child! They’ll die if I don’t return soon. Do you require a price from me for your help? Name it! I’ll pay anything, whatever you want. Just please! Help me!”
As the woman hissed a long sigh, tension fled from her.
“I’m going to regret this,” she said.
But she strode toward me, and I couldn’t leash the burn in my eyes any longer. I was sobbing, breathing through my mouth as my nose clogged, screaming in my head at the panic that this impediment added to an already overwhelming pile.
Somewhere nearby, Nylion reached for my hand, almost as wrecked as me. I could feel it, even if I couldn’t see him, and I reciprocated the only way I could: by meeting Nylion’s blind grab through our bond.
“Thank you,” I hiccupped.
“Don’t thank me yet. I haven’t figured out how to free you,” the woman said. “Ailig. Light, please.”
The ball at her feet shone with white light, and with a hand on her hip, the woman absently surveyed the rock piled atop me while removing the chain from around her neck. Once it was gone, she spoke, letting a jumble of unintelligible syllables tumble from her lips in a nonsense pattern. Frowning, I tried to make sense of it, grateful for something to help quell this outpouring of emotion.
“I’m… sorry?” I said. “What…? I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”
Why didn’t I understand, though? Was she speaking some type of code? I knew Oswin occasionally translated the Hand’s reports before they ended up on my desk, but I’d never heard of anyone from any nation speaking code.
With a sigh, the woman fastened the chain around her neck again.
“Don’t worry about it. I didn’t think it would work,” she said. “Keep talking to me. It’s helping me figure out where you are in this mess.”
What should I say, though?
‘Who are you? How did you get inside a tear? Where are you from?’
In the end, I decided on a simpler topic than any of those.
“Can your… companion use Ele?” I asked.
“What’s Ele?” the woman said with her gaze lazily tracking above me.
What was Ele? Everyone knew the answer to that question. Where had she been living? Under a rock?
But then, I hadn’t known much about the primal forces before meeting Rhylix. Given that, I wouldn’t be surprised if somewhere in the world, people had never heard of them.
“Ele, the primal force of light, life, order, et. cetera,” I said. “Never heard of it?”
“No,” she said.
She met my eyes through the peephole with a predatory smile flashing over her face.
“Found you!”
“Creepy…” Nylion said.
Oh, like you’re one to talk, I said.
Opening her satchel, the woman dug through it until its lip touched her shoulder, which was… impossible. The bag couldn’t possibly contain her whole arm within it. Chalk it up to another of this woman’s oddities.
Making a triumphant noise, she withdrew a set of gloves. Made of hexagonal, shimmering fabric, glowing tubes had been laid in a spiderweb across their backs with one tube connected to each fingertip.
“Have you heard of the United States of America? Texas? Houston?” she asked.
As she slid the gloves on, I was at a loss for how I should reply. It was like she’d started speaking gibberish again.
“Thought not,” she continued, “but those names are commonplace in my iteration. Don’t judge me for my lack of knowledge about yours. More light, Ailig.”
The little ball brightened considerably, all while she knelt.
“What are those names?” I asked. “Houston?”
I’d hoped that by expressing an interest, I could smooth ruffled feathers, but my tongue tripped over the pronunciation. It almost made me miss when the woman fell still with her features tightening.
“Home,” she whispered.
Shivering, she rubbed her gloved hands together.
“Let’s see if these still work.”
When she grabbed the boulder closest to her, a whine—steadily rising in pitch—screeched against my ears, and I winced. My hands twitched, so badly did I want to block out the noise, but they were helplessly trapped at my sides. Mercifully, the jarring noise soon stopped while the boulder puffed into a cloud of fine, white granules.
Giggling, the woman kissed her palms.
“Good job, my lovelies!” she said.
And I lurched free of my shock.
“What was that?” I yelped.
She snapped stern eyes toward me.
“No. I’ve already done more, said more, than I should. I don’t want a repeat of Hiyuki,” she said. “You’re getting nothing more from me, stranger, so why don’t you talk instead? Tell me your life story. Make us strangers no longer.”
I understood stubborn women better than most—my wife was one, after all—so I knew when I should retreat, lest I unleash an onslaught of petulance. If I wanted, I could try coaxing more information from this woman later. For now, I told her about Auden, Ada’ir, and me in between sporadic bouts of my coffin’s destruction.
Sometimes, the pauses between those vanished boulders stretched long, and in others, the woman asked me to be quiet so she could consult with Ailig. It was a delicate process, exhuming me. If she incorrectly shifted one rock, I’d become meat paste between the rubble above and the cave floor below.
Even with those breaks in my talking, I exhausted safe conversation topics in what felt like no time, although it must have been hours. I tried to match the woman’s silence, but quiet had never agreed with me.
Unless I was alone. Which I never was with Nylion in my life.
Can I-? I started.
“Tell her about me?” Nylion said. “I have no issue with it. I doubt she will be around for long after helping us. Plus, I would kill to fill this silence right now.”
So, I strayed into my most guarded secrets and fear, starting with the other half of me, but I also talked about my splinters, Rhylix, my mother, meeting with Alouin, and the fear that those meetings had only been the product of a dying mind.
The last two were the only revelations that elicited a response from the woman. I’d long since stopped craning my neck to watch her work, so my only indication that I’d caught her by surprise was a choked gasp at the mention of Alouin’s name.
“Out of everything you’ve heard, that’s what surprises you?” I asked with amusement.
The whine of another rock’s crumble cut me off mid-question, and when the noise fell silent, I stubbornly held my tongue, certain she'd interrupted me on purpose.
“Sorry. That was rude,” the woman eventually said. “Alongside rips in reality, Alouin is one of the fixed concepts in every parallel universe, although he’s not always called ‘Alouin’ and the reality rips aren’t always apparent. You and one other man are the only people I’ve come across who’ve met him. As for the rest of your story… I don’t know what to say. Life’s dealt you a rough hand.”
Frowning, I shifted in place as much as I could. I didn’t think my life had been so bad. Sure, it was hard at times, but the good outweighed the bad, or at least, I thought so.
Was I missing something?
Clicking my tongue, I shoved that question aside.
“Who else among your acquaintances has met Alouin?” I asked. “And was this other person’s experience similar to mine?”
The woman’s shuffling had grown louder recently, but now, it seemed to be coming from the other side of the closest stone.
“His name was Kasai, and he was my… friend,” she said.
But she’d spoken the word ‘friend’ so mournfully that I could almost feel her grief as my own.
“And yes,” she continued, “it was similar.”
Another high-pitched hum assaulted my ears with another rock puffing into dust, and with it gone, light spilled into my coffin. Seeing it, my heart soared.
“You should be able to squeeze through- whoa!” the woman shouted.
I couldn’t blame her for shouting, though, frantically scrambling past as I was. Gods, I’d almost knocked her over, but there was Nylion with his arms outstretched, and I was barreling into him, even if I had to stop my own momentum. I was crying with my face buried into Nylion’s neck and by the void…
I could breathe again. I could MOVE.
“We are free,” Nylion roughly said. “Gods. Heart of my heart, I thought we were dead but-”
“We’re free,” I breathed.
I didn’t know how long I stood there, just sobbing and rocking from foot to foot. So much of what I’d been repressing came flooding forth with violent trembling following it, and my other half and I took turns battering each other with our relief and joy and fucking hell…
Pulling away, I said, “That was awful.”
“Yes,” Nylion said.
But we were together. Even now, we were one.
“I love you,” I said.
“Mm. I know,” Nylion hummed. “I love you too.”
With a closed throat, I kissed him, nothing passionate or heated, simply two people abso-fucking-lutely thankful to be alive, but still, when someone cleared her throat, it quickly broke us apart.
The woman!
Spinning, I grabbed her gloved hands, absently taking note of how uncomfortable that made her look.
“Thank you,” I said. “A thousand times, thank you. How can I ever repay this debt?
The woman wrinkled her dust-coated face.
“Your payment was your story, which you’ve already given. Consider us even,” she said. “Besides, don’t you have bigger problems to deal with right now?”
Hearing those words, it was like I’d been punched, which forced the woman to take my weight for a moment.
Doldimar. Elisk. Ren. In my giddiness over breaking free of stone, I’d forgotten the reason behind my urgency to escape what should have been my grave.
“Looks like I dug a path out of this cave while unearthing you.”
Dragging myself free of my detachment, I noted the woman pointing to a hollow crevasse between the cave’s wall and the unsteady rubble pile that I’d been lying beneath.
“You’re free to ‘go forth and save the kingdom’.”
She giggled into her hand.
“Always wanted to say that.”
I pulled myself free of the woman’s support, yearning to squeeze through that crack and run, sprint, fly home, but her presence kept me momentarily tethered here.
“What about you?” I asked. “Will you come with me or…?”
“Oh, I’m sure I’ve done enough damage here already,” the woman said, throwing her hands up. “Besides, this isn’t my world. There’s nothing for me here.”
“In that case, thank you once again,” I said. “You’ve done me a great kindness, Mistress… huh. I don’t believe I caught your name.”
“I guess it won’t hurt to tell you that,” the woman said. “It’s Bren.”
“Mistress Bren.”
Stepping back, I bowed low to this woman who’d saved my life.
“I wish you luck on your journey and in your endeavors,” I said.
With a delighted giggle, she said, “And to you, Raimie. Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”
Flashing me a bright smile, Bren stepped up to the tear with Ailig rolling behind her. A glittering effervescent rope uncoiled from the sphere, and when it touched the tear, something like a doorframe outlined it. Its black center eagerly reached out for them both. As it touched them, Bren waved before it drew them into its embrace.
And she was gone.
Much as I wanted to gnaw on the impossibilities that I’d seen in this place, I couldn’t. I had a catastrophe to avert.
“Bright? Dim?” I asked.
When no one new filled the empty cave, I shook my head.
“Maybe once we are away from the tear?” Nylion said.
I certainly hope so.
Because the alternative was a long hike via mundane means from wherever I was to Elisk, during which time Doldimar would have reasserted his control on Auden.
As I squeezed through the gap, the cave made one final attempt to contain me. My already lacerated back screeched protests at its further abuse, and when I reached the other side, I purposefully ignored the drench of cold sweat soaking me. I wasn’t trapped right now.
“We are free, heart of my heart,” Nylion said.
I know.
On this side of the rubble pile, a narrow passage gradually sloped upward, and the dim glow of sunlight shone down its length. I darted along it, racing for the surface. At first, this race seemed to last minutes and then, days, all as my brain swirled from a lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of…
As I reached the end of the slope, a frustrated shriek echoed down the passage and into an abandoned cave.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I hissed.
“That is… unfortunate,” Nylion said.
He walked out onto a sparkling, frozen, never-ending sprawl of empty landscape, one that offered freedom and hope. My many explorations of the northern wastes should lend me the knowledge I needed to find a beacon of civilization here, and I could start my journey home from there, so that wasn’t why I wanted to godsdamn punch the tunnel’s wall in frustration. The problem was the sheet of clear ice blocking my way, distorting Nylion’s form beyond it.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” I growled. “Melt my way out with my body heat?”
“Certainly a possibility,” Nylion said, rejoining me inside the tunnel, “but-”
“Thank the whole! We found you.”
Bright’s long sought-after voice boomed inside the passage. I spun to find both them and Dim behind me, where no one had previously been standing. They were back, thank Alouin! I wanted to ask where they’d been but-
“We lost you shortly after you followed Arivor,” Bright said. “Where have you-?”
“No time,” I said, tripping over my words. “Dim, I need a precise shade meld. Can you help?”
The Daevetch splinter had been staring down the passage with an almost drunk look creeping over their face, but when I said their name, they jumped, focusing on me.
“I- I can try,” they said.
That response was a bit worrisome when combined with the evidence of Dim’s weakening that I could clearly see, but I couldn’t afford to think about that now, not when Doldimar could be in Elisk at any moment.
“Let’s go, then,” I said.
In the blink of an eye, I dove into and out of the shadows. Dim’s help made the trip elapse with the ease of breathing. Its simplicity didn’t halt my stumble, however, when the shadows released me.
After regaining my footing, I got my bearings. I was standing on the plains that surrounded Elisk with the city in the distance, and at first glance, everything looked fine. Maybe I’d gotten here in time.
“Raimie…” Nylion breathed.
He pointed, and looking where indicated, I saw a black smudge, spilling over the wall, and the faintest flicker of orange between buildings further up the hill.
The city was in flames.
Interlude 4: The Fall
King Eledis of Auden
18th of Seventh, 3484
My fears have proven true. The peace is over. My son is dead.
1st of Ninth, 3485
Thirteen months, an entire year, of juggling my secret with resisting Doldimar’s sniping attacks. That’s how long Nebailie gave me before sharing my lack of a splinter with the ministers. Two months passed until the cowardly lot had the palace guard arrest me and what’s left of my family. I can hardly blame them for those decisions, especially not my brother. For weeks, Nebailie has been dropping hints of what was to come, like the alms he’s so fond of dispensing to the poor.
I’m almost grateful that it’s come to this. No more struggling with my inability to wield Ele. No more hiding.
At the same time, I want to throttle my jailors because they’ve trapped me in a prison cell with only my angry wife, my terrified heir, and my grief for company. For not only have I spent fifteen months fighting Doldimar, but I’ve also been fleeing the inescapable image that’s burned into my brain. The one where I opened a box that contained my son’s piecemeal body.
Now, I have nowhere to run.
I’m so proud of that brilliant boy. I’ll never know how he kept his evil, son of a bitch captor appeased for five years, but he gave us time to prepare, although after the last year of war, I know that no amount of preparation would have been enough.
The sad saps who are currently discussing my family’s fate have no idea. If they think they can resist evil’s embodiment better than I have, then they’re welcome to try. I only wish they’d make up their minds more quickly about what to do with us.
I know what’s delaying them. The ministers want to publicly execute the three of us, but Nebailie has constantly argued against corporal punishment like that. I doubt he’d back down from that conviction when it comes to the brother he once loved, and he controls Auden’s military. The ministers can’t afford to anger him.
As an added surprise, my family has gained an ally in the Eselan diplomat. Alouin knows why he’s been pleading for us to keep our lives. I’ve shown him nothing but contempt when he’s visited in the past.
Supposedly, he’s sided with us at his seer wife, Drena’s, bidding. The woman must have provided a compelling reason for keeping us alive because we’ve been waiting in this cell for three days, and still, they argue.
I just want to know if my deception has damned us. My gloriously gorgeous wife. My fantastically intelligent heir…
It seems that I’m about to find out. I can hear the tramp of guards’ boots on the prison stairs. Whatever fate awaits us, I thank you, my longtime companion, for being the best of listeners. Hopefully, I can write again soon.
Enjoy it while it lasts, old man.
Chapter 99: Confrontation
Eledis
I told you to inspect that gifted horse with a fine-toothed comb! Now, your entire team's diseased, and you're stranded with no rescue in sight.
-Unknown
Kaedesa had been acting strangely during her most recent visit to Auden, but her behavior right now was bordering more on the erratic side of strange. She continually shifted her hands to the pockets where she stashed her journals, a nervous fidgeting that set my skin into a slow crawl. After dismissing the guard hovering over her, she’d hardly partaken of the feast set before her, picking at the bones of her dish, and alternated between bouts of pleased conversation and moody quiet.
I didn’t know what to do with it.
“How are you finding our fair city this year?” I asked while buttering a roll.
She probably couldn't reply with much more than empty compliments. Since her arrival for the ball a few days ago, Kaedesa had yet to leave the palace. This dinner was the first time she’d emerged from her quarters, which was an outlier for her behaviorally.
While she loved to complain to anyone who’d listen about events like a ball, my experience with her belied those assertions. Social butterfly that she was, she’d never miss an event as widely anticipated as Auden’s Anniversary Ball, one where her beloved Raimie had promised momentous news, unless something truly intriguing had preoccupied her.
The acceptable length of time needed for Kaedesa to answer my question came to an end, sending us wandering into the territory of the awkward, but she never noticed. She fiddled with her utensils, hunched over her meal with a curtain of hair hiding her face.
“What’s wrong, ‘desa?” I asked.
Maybe if I used Marcuset’s nickname for her, it would get a reaction, and indeed, it did. Kaedesa winced, which made me cringe and suppress a need to apologize.
“Don’t, Eledis,” she said. “Don’t use that name. I like it when you call me ‘saya.”
Lash-framed emerald eyes peered from behind Kaedesa’s hair, daring me to meet them, and I answered that challenge, even as a tingle of nervous anticipation zipped down my spine. Shivering, I folded my hands in my lap while lazily reclining in my chair.
“Why use the name ‘saya?” I asked. “That nickname holds no resemblance to your-”
“I remember, Eledis,” she said, cutting me off, “or rather, this helped me remember.”
She withdrew a notebook from her pocket. Its pages wore the marks of use and age well, holding together despite its yellowed must and crinkled corners, and at the sight of it, warmth drove ice out of my chest. I still remembered her smile when I’d given that journal to her.
Then, a hollow pit carved through that warmth. After that blasted seer had cursed us, I’d helplessly watched her sob while she’d scribbled everything she’d need to remember into the journal.
She’d read it. She remembered. My heart couldn’t take the anxiety of what she’d say next.
“You’re the one who reminded me about the archives,” she said. “I store my oldest and most important journals there, among the many transcriptions of them that I’ve had made. When I came home after my last stay in Auden, I visited the archives in the hopes that you and Aramar might have missed something in your purge of your family from my memories. Instead, I found this.”
For how thin and airy it appeared, the journal loudly thumped to the table when she dropped it.
“Illasaya…” I breathed.
I was clenching my hands so tightly that my finger bones ground against one another. The times when she was her instead of an adopted, false persona were few and far between. What should I say to her? I’d thoroughly demolished our relationship during my negotiations with Doldimar. Giving our son over to him as a hostage had seen to that.
So, could I say anything to fix what we’d had? Considering how our old nemesis had vanished without a trace, our curse might soon break. This might be my last chance to make amends.
“I’m sorry, ‘saya,” I started.
But anger squeezed that apology into silence. Almost three hundred years had come and gone, and she still hadn’t forgiven me.
“He was my son too!” I said in a strangled cry. “Do you know, I have moments when I look at Raimie and I ache to hold our son, the two are so similar? I miss him too!”
Illasaya scraped her chair along the floor, gripping the tabletop so fiercely that her knuckles turned white.
“Our baby died a lifetime ago, Eledis. I've long forgiven that mistake,” she said. “Do you know what I couldn’t stand?”
I matched her in stance and volume.
“What?” I snapped. “What action of mine was so horrible that you felt the need to marry another man?”
Circling the table, Illasaya got in my face, and my traitorous heart skipped a beat, despite the singe of anger surging along my veins.
“Your self-loathing, doubt, and pettiness were what distanced me from you, not some monstrous act,” she shouted. “For years, I tried to snap you out of your slump, but all you could think about, talk about, Alouin even show passion for were Auden and destroying Doldimar. You turned our dead son into the mark of your shame, the banner of your revenge, never seeing the blessing we’d been given. Life for as long as we wanted it! Together with one another.”
I tried to cut in, but sharp pain across my cheek halted that effort.
“You warped our living son into an unrecognizable weapon because of your guilt. He died thinking he’d failed you, and you’ve branded your mark into each of our descendants since, all because of a remorse you refuse to surrender,” Illasaya said, rubbing her palm. “Where did my husband go? Where’s the smart, poised, charming man I married?”
Once her words had trickled to nothing, I warily eyed her.
“Are you quite finished?”
Stepping away with heat coloring the back of her neck, Illasaya nodded.
“Then, let’s go,” I said.
I’d almost made it out of the room before her strangled voice chased me.
“What?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I said, “You said you wanted a life together. I’d assume we don’t need to lead it here. So, let’s go.”
She always had looked cute when shocked. Something about the frustrated gape of her mouth…
“I don’t follow,” she said.
“Obviously,” I said, rolling my eyes, “otherwise, we’d already be out the door.”
I chuckled at her growl.
“‘saya, I only ever fixated on Auden because I thought you wanted it,” I said. “I won’t deny that the idea of wiping Doldimar from existence sustained me during our exile’s initial years. I also wouldn’t disagree that I blamed myself for the disasters that ended in our exile and our children…”
I trailed off, unwilling to face how much the sacrifice of one son had cut me off from loving the other or any of the descendants who'd followed.
Shaking my head, I continued, “But I never cared about Auden. I cared about you and your desires, and you didn’t seem happy without a realm to rule. So, I endeavored to get you one.”
A tiny squeak accompanied a faint flush in Illasaya’s cheeks, but she still looked unhappy.
“If that’s true, why did you keep obsessing, even after I claimed Ada’ir as my own?” she said.
That… was a harder question to answer.
“When you married Belqarim—”
On speaking that name, I twisted my lips into a sneer.
“—I thought you’d left me for good. I had nothing to live for, besides the vain hope that giving you Auden would return you to me.”
Pathetic, really, but it was the truth. I wasn’t sure what Illasaya thought of my confession, not with her face having gone carefully blank.
“What about your family?” she said. “Aramar and Raimie? They weren’t enough for you?”
“Aramar…”
I trailed off, scrambling for a sensible explanation.
“He made an irreconcilable mistake when he married Samantha. She was trouble from the moment the tear spat her into our world, but even knowing that, he proceeded to get further entangled with that woman,” I said. “I couldn’t forgive him for it, despite his potential. Still can’t. As for Raimie, you know why I don’t like him.”
“He’s a constant reminder of what you perceive as failure,” Illasaya said.
I reeled away from her frank assessment.
“How did he attract not only an Ele splinter but a Daevetch one as well?” I growled, lifting my hands to my hair. “Why not me? If an Ele splinter had come to me like it was supposed to, perhaps Doldimar wouldn’t have risen to power. Perhaps our son-”
Illasaya pried my hands off of my head. When had she crossed the room?
“There it is. Your self-loathing,” she said. “You did the best you could in difficult circumstances. Forgive yourself. I certainly have.”
How could she say that? How could she forgive me? I didn’t deserve…
But wasn’t that the point of forgiveness? To be given to the underserving?
Drawing a shuddering breath, I laughed. Here I was, complaining that Illasaya had never forgiven me for my mistakes, and when she did just that, all I wanted was to scream that it wasn't warranted, that I deserved her hate. Alouin, I’d been using the perception of my wife’s loathing to feed my lack of self-worth.
When she gently squeezed my hands, I brushed hers with my lips.
“You’re correct, as usual,” I said. “If you’ll stay by my side, I promise to work on it until I can find the man you married once more.”
“A promise I can easily make,” Illasaya said.
A dense knot that I’d been carrying since our exile loosened, and for the first time in centuries, I could breathe easy.
“Let’s leave this palace of memories, my love,” I said. “The world awaits us.”
“After you,” Illasaya said, smirking.
Oh, I’d missed her.
With a contented sigh, I opened the dining room door and nearly collided with Oswin.
Dismissively waving at the man, I said, “Whatever it is, I don’t care-”
“Sir, your presence is required in the Ministers’ Chamber,” he said. “We may have a problem.”
I took in Oswin’s ashen complexion and jerky eyes before slumping. It looked like this damn kingdom would rope me into one final service to it before I could leave.
Chapter 100: Wrecked Plans
Eledis
Storming into the Ministers’ chamber, I roared, “All right, you lot! What’s so difficult that you couldn’t figure it out on your own?”
I’d been so close to happiness with Illasaya, only to have it snatched away at the last moment. It was enough to make even the most congenial of men irritable, and congenial, I was not.
This had better be good.
The Minister’s Chamber was decidedly less populated than when I’d been king. Five people: Kylorian, Oswin, Marcuset, and the two Eliskians whose names I could never remember—Umvarith? Xyro?—versus the dozens who’d crowded the room centuries ago.
They were huddled in front of the windows that overlooked the city with an unspoken anxiety tautening the air. I strode to join them, and as if breaking free of a haunted reverie, Marcuset faced me with his hands raised.
“Eledis…” he said.
The petrified look on my friend’s face quickened my step rather than slowing it, as Marcuset had probably intended, and I soon drew even with the other ministers.
For a moment, I didn’t understand what had them so concerned. Elisk presented the perfect picture of a peaceful evening with citizens going about their business in their usual, unhurried pace, but when I inspected the plains outside the city wall, my heart skittered to a stop.
A moving carpet of flesh and armor had blanketed what had once been flourishing grass while the fading sunlight glinted off steel. An army, one that we’d never called for, and-
I clutched my chest, leaning against a window frame as my heart tried to break out of its flesh-and-bone cage.
An enemy was approaching Elisk, and no one was waiting on top of the wall to greet them.
“How did this happen?” I hissed. “How did Doldimar—”
Because who else could it be?
“—sneak up on us like this, and where are our soldiers?”
“Over the last few days, the city guard’s been needed more than ever to soothe the tension between the races,” Kylorian said. “I had to pull defenders off of the wall to keep the peace.”
“All of them?” I growled.
I rounded on the younger man, the one who looked so like Nebailie, and as Kylorian cowered before my wrath, a cold wash dampened the heat of my anger. It was the same face my brother had worn when our father…
I sighed.
“Go rally the troops, Ky, fast as you can, and we might have a chance,” I said. “Their orders are to defend the wall the best they can, focusing on the gates. When they’re overwhelmed, they’re to fall back to the palace.”
Curtly nodding, Kylorian made to leave before I pulled him up short with a final instruction.
“Take Marcuset with you,” I said. “He can help.”
“What?” both men exclaimed before diverging.
“My place is with you!” came from Marcuset.
“I don’t need any help,” said Kylorian.
Alouin, mortal beings and our insistence on letting emotions rule us.
“Kylorian, you’re about to face Doldimar,” I said. “I assume four years haven’t dulled your memory of what the Dark Lord can do?”
The younger man roughly recoiled, slapping a hand to the back of his neck, before staring at his feet.
“That’s what I thought,” I said. “You’ll need all the help you can get, and Marcuset has more experience with battles like this than you ever will. He goes with you. Understood?”
Kylorian moved his head the merest fraction of an inch in acceptance.
“And Marcu… Emir.”
Lowering my voice, I infused warmth into it, adding a tinge of urgency to denote what I must wordlessly convey.
“Watch him.”
My best and only friend clicked his heels together as he held a hand over his heart, bowing.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said.
He rose, cocking his head as if to ask Did you like the performance? and I’ll see you on the other side, right? Imperceptibly nodding, I shooed both men away. My friend led Kylorian out of the room, peppering the younger man with questions while he summoned a host of weapons from Alouin knew where.
Good. That was settled. It was a stopgap move for now, but it was better than nothing.
When I returned my attention to the remaining ministers, I smirked at their ruffled composures, although… anxiety had become a standard look for Oswin in the days since the Anniversary Ball.
“What?” I snapped. “Don’t pretend that you haven’t noticed my exact resemblance to the old king in the years we’ve worked together. I assumed you three knew that I was him, based on your constant hostility toward me.”
Opening his mouth to retort, Oswin reached for his weapons, but I waved him into silence.
“Don’t worry. Now that I know my heart's desire won't demand the throne, I’m not a threat to Raimie,” I said. “I want to be king as much as I want to lose the coming battle. Raimie can keep the title and all the pressure that comes with it.”
The tension holding Oswin upright loosened, and he clutched at the windowsill as if his strings had been cut. That man did not look good. A disconcerting mix of red and bruise-like purple rings hung beneath his eyes, and his normally impeccable hygiene had taken a hit, leaving behind a patchy forest of stubble and knotted, mussed hair. Even his uniform had suffered with several snapped buttons and stains marring the front of it.
I’d hate to distress the man further—he’s been a useful tool over the years—but…
“How exactly did an army of that size sneak up on the capital without the Hand noticing?” I asked.
“The five of us-” Oswin started.
“Four, I think it’s now safe to say,” the human minister—Umvarith, I decided—interrupted.
Oswin sucked in air as if gut-punched, and that intake stiffened and straightened him until he towered over the rest of us. I watched him struggle to keep grief off his face, to stop his tears’ insistent crawl to the surface and internally nodded.
Good man. We couldn’t afford for our best spy to devolve into a shuddering pile of pain, not now. He could indulge in it once this was over.
“The four of us,” Oswin slowly said, “aren’t enough to cover the entire realm by ourselves, especially if we’re expected to safeguard the royal family as well. Protecting Auden as a whole is the military’s job.”
“If I were to guess, I’d say that this army marched from the former Eselan Haven. Elisk’s proximity to the Haven might have allowed the enemy to advance on the city without a warning reaching us first. A threat like this is why I’ve been pushing for the establishment of a garrison on the Haven-Auden border, but the ministers have never provided enough troops or funds to support one.”
Oswin stopped, letting his unspoken accusation hang heavy in the air, until eventually, the Eselan minister—Xyro?—cleared his throat.
“The past is the past. Let’s focus our efforts on our current disaster,” he said. “How do we plan on surviving the army that’s coming for us?”
No one had an answer for him. Even I was relegated to silence.
At Raimie’s insistence, we ministers might have made several plans to resist the eventuality of Doldimar’s return, but all of them had assumed that we’d have time to prepare before the enemy stood on our doorstep. As it was, we had—I glanced out the window—an hour, maybe two. If Kylorian and Emir could convince our troops to man the wall in that short span of time, I’d count it as a miracle, but even then, how long could we last?
For the first time, I caught myself wishing that Raimie was with me. Much as that boy’s presence disturbed me, certain situations called for him. For instance, when his minsters balked at solving a problem, who did they usually turn to for a solution?
A crash broke our silence, and I spun, hardly daring to believe that my thoughts alone had summoned Raimie, but that hope was quickly squashed. A few feet distant, a teenager was fighting to disentangle himself from the curtains that he’d gotten caught in. Out of breath from that struggle, he sprang to his feet, scanning the room without truly seeing it.
“OhthankthegodsIfoundit,” he exhaled in a burst.
“Tejesper,” I cautiously said.
The Daevetch primeancer recoiled from the noise I’d made with his hands coated in shadows, but the confusion clouding his eyes quickly cleared when he saw us.
“Ministers!” he said, dispelling his summoned dark energy. “I’m sorry to be short, but I must see the queen. Where is she?”
Alouin, he was twitchy. Swallowing hard, I slowly backed away. The more distance I could put between me and a possibly mad Daevetch primeancer, the better. In contradiction to me, Oswin moved forward with his hands extended.
“Calm down, Tejesper,” he said. “What’s wrong? Where’s Raimie?’
“He’s on the isle, distracting Doldimar, or he was when I left,” Tejesper said with the words almost vomited from him. “I’m not sure how long I was lost in the shadows.”
His eyes landed on the door.
“I must inform the queen that an attack is imminent!”
Dismissing us, he briskly strode toward what must seem like an escape.
“We already know,” I said, halting Tejesper mid-step.
When I pointed toward the windows, the teenager stumbled in his dash to press his nose against the glass.
“No…” he moaned. “No, no, no!”
A strained noise wrenched through the teenager’s despair.
“Tejesper,” Oswin said with something awful in his voice, “what do you mean ‘Raimie’s distracting Doldimar’?”
The Daevetch primeancer snapped his tear-streaked face toward the spymaster.
“What I said,” he said. “Doldimar came to play his games with the king, but Raimie wasn’t having any of it. He sent me here to raise the warning, but I’m too late, and we’re going to die…”
He returned to the view outside, drawn like a moth to the flame, and once he’d fully faced it, his face slackened as if in the beginning stages of intoxication.
“Take me to him,” Oswin said. “I won’t let that idiot get himself killed when I can help him. Not again.”
“Can’t. Orders are to retreat to the fallback point once the message is delivered,” Tejesper said in a sing-song voice and with a grin pulling at his lips. “Apparently, me and mine will be useless against Doldimar, despite hopes to the contrary.”
Retreat. Fallback point. Take me to him. Hearing these things, an idea started tickling at the back of my mind. If only the others would hush long enough for it to fully form.
“I don’t give a damn about your orders!” Oswin growled. “I care about my friend. Take me to him! Now.”
He reached for Tejesper’s shoulder, but before his hand could land, the spymaster was on the ground with Tejesper’s shadow-covered fist where Oswin’s stomach had just been.
“I follow the king’s orders, not yours,” he said.
Then, he slumped against the glass with the fingers of one hand splayed there, and my stomach twisted as I realized exactly why Daevetch primeancers would be problematic in a fight against Doldimar.
“Then, why—”
Struggling to his feet, Oswin coughed.
“—aren’t you following your orders? Why aren’t you at the fallback point with your brethren?”
Fallback point. Retreat. Take me. Brethren.
As a plan crystallized in my head, I somehow managed to hide my hiss, all while suppressing a savage desire to lash out at someone.
Oh, Illasaya… she’d forgiven me for so much. I hope she could forgive this.
“Tejesper’s stayed because he’s realized that he and his fellow primeancers can do more for the king’s people,” I said. “Everyone knows that their safety is Raimie’s highest priority. If he were here, he’d change his orders for the Daevetch primeancers.”
Both Oswin and Tejesper were staring at me like I’d lost my mind. Unlike them, the ministers were doing their best to become invisible, but this was good. If I could capture his attention, the teenager wasn’t completely lost in Doldimar’s sway.
“Exactly how would the king change his orders?” Umvarith eventually said.
I was glad someone had asked.
“The Daevetch primeancers can evacuate the city,” I said.
Single-word questions burst on my ears, and making a face, I waved for the others to be quiet.
“Daevetch primeancers have the ability to travel across long distances near-instantaneously, and when using it, they can take other people with them,” I said. “On the day of his investiture, it’s how the king rescued the queen.”
“All true,” Tejesper said before raising a finger, “but! Shade melding requires extreme force of will, and it’s not exactly the definition of precise. My trip to reach Elisk took at least a dozen tries. Only the exceedingly powerful among us manage to land where they want to go on their first try.”
“We don’t need precision. Being anywhere besides the city would be preferable right now,” I said. “Do you know what will happen when the gates fall and the Kiraak stream into Elisk?”
Tejesper curled his hands into fists.
“Yes,” he said, “which is why I’ll stay and retrieve Nessaira from wherever she’s hiding, but you shouldn’t involve the others. They’re only children. I can barely resist Doldimar’s pull. What do you think will happen to them, if they’re exposed?”
I pointed at a steadily advancing army and the tranquil city below us.
“Children also live on those streets. They laugh and play while their parents watch over them, but their short lives are about to be uprooted,” I said. “Your people can help those children. They should be given the chance to do so.”
The other four people in the room held their breath while Tejesper fought against my conclusions, but soon enough, the fists at his sides unclenched while a long sigh escaped from him.
“I’ll ask,” he said. “What’s our target destination when we return to evacuate the city?”
“The gardens,” I said.
Rhylix’s forest was the most easily recognizable landmark in Elisk, and as an added benefit, a second wall surrounded it. Under its canopy, Rhylix and Nessaira had taken their primeancer students to train many times before.
“Aiming for a familiar target will make our task easier. Thank you,” Tejesper said. “I’ll bring help as soon as I can.”
Stalking into a patch of shadows, he vanished.
“So, the civilians are handled,” Oswin said. “How do we hold the city?”
“We don’t,” I said, “or rather, we hinder Doldimar for as long as we can in order to evacuate as many Eliskians as possible.”
“But-” Xyro started.
“Look at that army, minister,” I said. “How many Kiraak do you see? A thousand? Five?”
“Looks more like twenty thousand,” Oswin said, answering for the other two. “Fifteen, if we’re lucky.”
“And how many of our soldiers are in the city, rather than scattered throughout the kingdom?” I asked.
“One thousand, four hundred and sixty-four,” Oswin said, hugging himself.
That gave me pause. Why were the city guard’s numbers so low?
“Exactly,” I managed to say without my voice shaking. “My hope is that we can last long enough to evacuate a significant chunk of the population, but those hopes aren’t high.”
“So, that’s it?” Umvarith drawled. “The plan is to fight for as long as possible and then run? Sounds to me like you’re taking the coward’s way out. Again.”
I took a calming breath. The other man was using sarcasm and anger to blunt his terror. He hadn’t meant what he’d said.
“Do you have a better idea?” I asked. “Because if so, I’m all ears.”
Umvarith merely clenched his lips together, unable to speak.
“If not, I’d appreciate it if you, Xyro, and your respective networks gathered Elisk’s citizens in the gardens,” I said. “I know it will be difficult, but try to keep them calm. You should be good at appeasement like that, or you wouldn’t hold ministerial positions.”
The Eliskians met the challenge with puffed-out chests and blustered words of acceptance before rushing out of the room.
Staring after them, I muttered, “Huh. That’s the first time I’ve guessed a minister’s name correctly.”
“What about me?”
And I jumped. Somehow, I’d forgotten about the spymaster. Even when he was part of a conversation, he blended into the background, but since he was here, what mission could I relegate to Oswin…?
Oh! Perfect for a spy!
“Find Ren and try to convince her to leave,” I said. “Protect her.”
Oswin blanched, which I found amusing. I could hardly blame him, though. The queen had been getting increasingly irritable the longer she’d been with child, and if that weren’t enough, she’d probably mirror her husband’s habits, insisting that she stay with her people until the last possible second.
But this was needed.
Grabbing the spy’s arm, I said, “Oswin, listen to me. Your task might not be the most important from the city’s standpoint, but it’s essential for Raimie’s sake. If either Ren or the baby dies…”
Nylion would assume control.
“I know you’ve always found my family’s foretelling silly, but you didn’t know the seer who made it like I did. Drena was many things, but she was never wrong. Raimie is required if we’re ever to rid the world of Doldimar. Don’t let the deaths of his wife or child compromise him.”
Gently, Oswin removed my hand, all while regarding me with inscrutable eyes.
“I understand and accept the task, Eledis,” he said. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are you planning to do?”
I smiled. How did I convey that despite my despair that this source of redemption had come in such a devastating way, joy was singing along my every nerve, saturating my mind with bright liberation?
“I plan to fight,” I said.