Addendum
Betrayal, as you know, is one of the worst ordeals that someone can experience. So many emotions are mixed up with it, anger and hurt being the top contenders, but the worst of them is when the one who was betrayed is left wondering what made the other person turn against them.
Living in doubt of someone’s loyalty is worse. It’s a constant tug-of-war between hurt and hope, and it’s… frightening.
After what happened with Korix, I never fully trusted someone again. I would think I’d reached that state, but then, someone’s trustworthiness would be called into question, and my first reaction was to retreat, hoping to protect myself.
Even with you, even knowing that the future dictates we’ll remain faithful to one another until the end, I can’t help but prepare for the day you’ll turn on me, like you once thought I’d done to you.
In the end, this suspicion made me a better Lokke Vitras. It made me the person that you and your family needed, both when I only protected the five of you and when you invited me into your ranks.
If… you feel up to it, I’d like it if you shared this account with your friends. I don’t know if they’re hurting because of my loss. We grew close over this last year, but I could never be sure whether what we shared was genuine or born out of accommodation to you.
Doubt of everyone, remember? Destroyer of inner peace.
I, for one, am fond of them, more than is healthy, actually. They’ve been lights of love and acceptance in what was both the best and worst two years of my life. I would die for them, and funnily enough, that’s what will happen, if in the most remote of ways.
So, I’d like for them to know me too. I’d like them to see that I wasn’t always the barely contained mess that I am today.
Now. Before we continue.
Take a break, love. If you’re acting at all like the man I’ve come to know, you’ve obsessively listened to what I’ve recorded, probably curled up in your lab somewhere. I know you want to dive back in. I’ve left you on such a cliffhanger, after all!
But put the audio recorder down. Eat. Go outside. Say hello to your family and friends. Live your life.
And then, return. I’ll always be waiting in these recorded words, for as many times as you want to hear them.