A House's Dissolution

To: Elliot
Elliot, 

 So, you’ve stayed, despite all the horror I’ve shown you. What would it take to drive you away, I wonder? 

 You amaze me. Do you know that? Your capacity for love, your innate understanding of my people’s tech in spite of your origins, the pure goodness in you, even after what the mages did, and you’re still so young. If you weren’t constrained by a carefully constructed future, how far would you go? 

 You’ll probably hate the comparison, but you’re much like my brother in that regard. He was brilliant and a good man, in his own way, but what’s manipulating you messed with him too. 

 You’ve seen Pheniks at his best and worst now. His descent into someone who’d kill hundreds of thousands starts at this point in my story. 

 That’s my brother, though, his tale over and done. Yours is still being written, and every day you fight the destiny that other people wish to impose on you, I love you more for it. Maybe you can change your fate. I don’t know if the world can afford for that to happen, but still, I hope you do. 

 You deserve to find peace in all things, much like what you’ve guided me toward. You deserve happiness with Victor and anyone else you might love, much like you’ve given me. 

 But we should turn to the story. This chapter of my life sees the introduction of new people into it, and one of those is someone I’d sacrifice everything for: life, wealth, and happiness. The reason for that should become apparent soon enough. 

 This chapter also details what I consider to be the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life, but you won’t learn about it until much later. I wish you’d never learn about it, but I know you. If you’ve gotten this far, you’ll stay until the end, too stubborn to give up now. 

 Stubborn, brilliant, oh so fragile yet strong, a light in our dark world. Mother Time was I lucky to have you in my life, Elliot. I hope you know that. 

 I hope you know how much I love you. 

 -Zaeden

Chapter 1: Here We Go Again
Emotionally drained, I sprawled beside Cambris with her wife, Liala, on the other side of her. After spending quite some time piled in their bed, talking and laughing and sharing about our lives, we’d tiptoed along sleep’s shores for a good quarter hour now with only the occasional comment keeping us anchored in the waking world, and despite the fact that I should have left the couple’s apartment a while ago, I had yet to find the motivation to crawl out of bed. 

 This had been a good first date, something that hadn’t happened in years. The title and role that were ever mine usually didn’t let people break through their initial cautious awe of me, and no matter that this had become expected over the decades, it didn’t lend to either party wanting another date. So, the fact that Liala and Cambris had treated me as ‘Zaeden’ and nothing else from the moment we’d met had been refreshing. 

 Even still. Rolling toward Cambris, I buried my face in her blonde hair. 

 “I need to go,” I said into it. 

 With a disappointed sigh, she faced me, snuggling closer, and Liala propped herself up on an elbow to look over her wife. 

 “You can’t stay?’ she asked. “We know a great breakfast place nearby. It’d be good for the morning.” 

 They’d be one of those dates, huh? The ones who made it difficult to get out the door. 

 “I wish I could,” I said, “but I’m needed elsewhere.” 

 Technically true. Someone always needed me. 

 “Maybe next time,” I continued. “If you’re interested in a next time, that is.” 

 Liala and Cambris exchanged a glance. 

 “That would be nice,” Cambris said. “Shall we schedule it?” 

 And here came the second reason that first dates usually flopped for me. 

 “I’m open to setting a date and time, but you should know that given my life, I can’t keep to a strict schedule. I’m more likely to cancel on you than not,” I said. “What I can offer instead is to put you in my contacts. When I have a free moment, I’ll send you a message at least twenty-four hours in advance, and you can accept the invitation to a meet-up or not. We can do this in addition to a scheduled date, of course.” 

 Above me, Liala shrugged. 

 “A combo works for us. We know you’re busy,” she said. “When’s your next tentative free time?” 

 That… wasn’t the usual response to how my life worked, but again, everything about these two had been out of the ordinary. 

 “Two weeks from now,” I said. “The sixteenth of Cuin.” 

 Making a face, Cambris said, “I have a House thing that day. Sorry.” 

 “Don’t be!” I said. “I’m open the next Freinsday. Does that work?” 

 And so, the negotiation went until we found a time that would work best for all involved. For the first part of the date, only Liala and I would be together with Cambris joining us later, which wasn’t perfect, but such was polyamory. Compromises were inherent in the lifestyle, just like a ridiculously packed schedule could be. I supposed that last one was dependent on how many people someone was seeing, though. 

 At the apartment door, I kissed both woman goodbye before flourishing a ridiculously extravagant bow. 

 “Thank you for a wonderful evening, ladies,” I said. “I look forward to when we next meet.” 

 With their arms around one another, Liala and Cambris watched me with mirth in their eyes. 

 “So formal,” Cambris said. “Should we reciprocate?” 

 “Mother Time, no,” I said. “Please. I get enough of that in my everyday life.” 

 Smirking, Liala said, “Look, my love. I believe you’ve flustered him. What is that? Two times tonight?” 

 “Three, thank you very much,” Cambris said. 

 Hell, I missed when teasing like this had been expected on dates, whether from me or my partner. Squeezing my eyes closed, I rubbed them. 

 “I can’t stay,” I groaned. 

 With a long sigh, Cambris said, “Fine.” 

 Lowering my hands, I stared at the women and their distinctly different pouting faces over my fingers. Liala lifted two of hers off of her wife’s shoulder. 

 “Until next time,” she said. “Don’t spread yourself too thin, ok?” 

 Ha! A little over one hundred years as the Lokke Vitras and I hadn’t learned that trick yet. 

 “I’ll do my best,” I said. 

 And I left. 

 Despite the early-evening hour, the deep dark of midnight had fallen on Xygek’s ground level with light orbs and neon signs replacing the sun. I headed for the closest park, somewhere I might find limited seclusion. 

 Sidewalks, no matter how light their foot traffic was, wouldn’t provide it, that was for sure. As I strode beside the street, slipstreams buffeted me while people scrambled to get out of my way. 

 Over the years, I’d done much to dismantle the enticing sense of mystery that surrounded the Lokke Vitras. Among other things, I’d made myself available to the public, acting like an average citizen, but people still treated me with extreme deference. It was exhausting. 

 When I reached a park, the few people near the entrance scattered when they took note of me, and I sighed under my breath. Determined not to disturb anyone else’s evening, I leapt and hauled myself up a tree, settling on a sturdy branch once I’d reached a sufficient height. Decently hidden, I pulled up my to-do list while making a face at its length. How was it that no matter how many items I removed from this, it never got shorter? 

 While I scanned it, I lifted my array from privacy mode. Even if certain messages—like those from shukusen Talira—could breach the walls that this mode built around me, I enjoyed having a way to block the flood of inane messages that I received on a daily basis. 

 As they streamed in, my array checked each sender against the short list of people whose messages automatically came to my attention. The rest were filed for later review, something I should do soon according to my to-do list. 

 While I moved that task closer to the top, I checked ‘date with House Vaessa couple’ off of it. Similar items lay further down, but I was nearing the limit of the personal indulgences I could afford this week. I needed something work-related to balance them out, so I paid more attention to that side of the list. 

 Some of what was there, like routine check-ins with various shukusenth, could wait for a while longer, but others should be addressed soon. For instance, in the last two weeks, a handful of people had gone missing along the border between the Preserve and Xygek. 

 When this had first come to my attention, I hadn’t thought much of it, content to let Kolb’s lower Strata look into the issue, but as of this afternoon, the potential victim list had reached double digits. That was something I should investigate, even if shukusen Talira didn’t assign the problem to me. 

 As I was plotting a course to the site where the latest victim had vanished, however, a message from someone on my short list slid into my array, dated from a few hours ago. 

 If you can, I need you home after your date, it read. I have news. 

 Was something wrong back home? 

 No, that was paranoia talking. My family could take care of itself. 

 Even so, Leski had said she needed me, so I’d go to her. Nothing on my to-do list required immediate action. Several items had a time limit on them, sure, but nothing needed to be finished tonight. 

 Dropping out of the tree, I requested a report of recent findings from Fourth Stratus Elrin, the man my grandmother had put in charge of the missing persons mission. Hopefully, I’d get a response from him before end of day tomorrow. I’d like to know if Elrin needed help as soon as possible, preferably before I’d handled what was happening at home. 

 When I arrived at the closet landing pad, I gave a drone my designator, and after receiving it, the drone sent a command into the clouds, one that had my skycruiser descending to a stop a few tiers above. I waited while the couple who’d been here before me got into their vehicle with both of them giving me odd looks. 

 Crossing my arms, I ignored them. I could wait my turn, damnit! Or I could when nothing was threatening the homeland, at least. 

 Once I was in my skycruiser, I settled into my seat, pulling up my latest book narration before wincing. I’d love to hear more of this story but… 

 I was running on almost fifty hours without sleep. Unless I must, I’d rather not waste an adrenaline burst, so the narration was returned to its file, and I started a dream sequence.

Chapter 2: Savor Happiness
When an alarm roused me, the Southern Fells’ moors were racing below my skycruiser with the river that fed Lake Phiabe splitting them. Nestled in a crook of this snaking path of water, lights resisted the night, the only ones visible for as far as I could see. 

 An estate. My estate but I had trouble thinking of it as something that I owned. Everything in my life could easily be taken away from me. Everything technically belonged to House Kolb, provided in exchange for my service to them, which I’d always found funny for several reasons. 

 Chief of these was that these possessions, that land, this sprawling house? I didn’t need it. It was nice, certainly, but I would be just as happy living in a poorly constructed home, like the exiled did, so long as my family came with me. 

 I landed outside, unsure how long I’d be there. If Leski only needed me to kill a bug—which she’d had me come home to do before, to my great amusement—I didn’t want to wait while drones prepared the hangar for my departure. 

 When I stepped out of the skycruiser, a breeze welcomed me home, and the chill of it tugged on my lips, even as I shivered. Mother Time, I’d missed this place. 

 The building itself could go up in flames for all I cared. Someone I’d never met had planned its layout and appearance, done with only mild interference from Leski. She’d made sure that everyone had gotten the things we needed in a house, but everything else had been left to the architect. All sweeping lines and windows peeking through gaps—the style for the last several decades—I liked it well enough, but then, I’d never been the most visually inclined of people. 

 Stepping inside, I stretched, swearing for a second that I heard the sound of pattering paws and heavy panting. For the millionth time, I wondered if we should get another dog. I missed Ace. Intensely. And no other dog could replace him but… 

 There was something to be said for their ability to make one feel singularly loved, something that would be nice to have again. Not yet, though. 

 Shaking my head, I sent out messages— I’m home! —before heading for the kitchen. While munching on a snack, I wandered toward the one room in the house where I was sure to find at least one member of my family. 

 The library was dimly lit. It was the only place where flames provided illumination instead of artificial lights, and their warm, orange color flickered over the spines of the many books we’d collected over the years. Enough were here to fill the floor-to-ceiling shelves that lined two-thirds of the empty wall space. A few chairs were scattered around the library while a sofa sat in front of the fireplace, and on either side of it, pillows spilled into view. 

 Glancing at this scene, I frowned. I’d thought for sure… 

 As if amused that I could have missed it, a glass filled with amber liquid, resting on a side table, popped out at me, and I softly chuckled. No matter that he still scolded me about how I occasionally drank, one of these was always waiting for me when I came home. I padded to claim it, sipping at my whiskey sour with my eyes closed before once more relinquishing it to its relegated spot so I could find him. 

 With his body loose in sleep, Korix was sprawled in haphazardly arranged pillows with a book lying open on his chest, and at the sight of him, I bit my lip. His legs were folded under one another in an uncomfortable looking fashion, and he’d flung one arm away while clutching the book’s edge and Mother Time… 

 How did he still do this to me, even after over a century together? Also, how damn lucky was I that he was in my life? 

 In two, quiet strides, I was close enough to straddle his legs. With a finger on his cheek, I eased him to face me, and hell, if my lungs didn’t cease working at the wrinkle of his nose, the one that always came in the moments before he woke up. Grinning, I bent down to his lips, and when we touched, something melted inside of me. A piece of me had returned to where it was meant to be. 

 With a soft gasp, Korix opened his eyes. Still half-asleep, he was sluggish while wrapping his arms around me, but that was ok. I had what I needed for now: a kiss steadily growing stronger, my body bunching on itself to hoard the heat in me, my hands running over a man I knew so well that I greeted each hollow and rise of him like old friends. 

 So, when he tensed, I knew what to expect and went limp accordingly. A breath later, I was on my back with Korix on top of me and my hands pinned next to my head. Much as I didn’t like this, I just grinned until sleep fled from him, leaving a question in his eyes. 

 “Kuvesk,” he said. 

 “I haven’t been your student in a long time, Ko,” I said. 

 With his eyes widening, Korix released my wrists, letting me breathe easy again, but he didn’t remove his weight from me. Straightening, he rested the back of his hands on my waist. 

 “How was your date?” he asked. 

 Mother Time, I wanted to buck him off of me so we could get back to kissing, but I knew what this was, the same as I knew the tension in him as intimately as I knew myself. So, I left my hands on my stomach with our fingers barely touching. 

 “Surprisingly good for once,” I said. “How was yours?” 

 He hadn’t gone on a date for a week or so, but I hadn’t been home in that time, and we didn’t talk about this part of our lives except when we were together. 

 When Korix curled his fingers into his palm, I suppressed a wince. 

 “It went well until she figured out who I am,” he said, “something that only happened because I… started seeing things.” 

 Fuck. No, that wasn’t strong enough. Double fuck. 

 Cupping Korix’s cheek, I brushed my thumb under his eye. 

 “I’m sorry, Ko,” I said. 

 He leaned into my palm. 

 “It’s ok. If she couldn’t understand that part of me, it wouldn’t have been a good match,” he said. “I’ll try again next week. A woman from Zan expressed interest.” 

 “Oo, a scientist? That might be fun.” 

 Shrugging, Korix said, “We’ll see. But enough of that. How are you, Zae?” 

 I shrunk on myself, half-closing an eye. 

 “Can we have our check-in chat later, please?” I asked. 

 His face softened because he knew what my request actually meant. 

 “Of course.” 

 “Thank you,” I said, hooking my finger around one of his. “What about you? Anything you need to share?” 

 “It can wait,” Korix said. 

 “Ok.” 

 Using what I was holding as a jumping point, I slowly walked my fingers between the gaps of his, and he swallowed with his eyes starting to unfocus. 

 “Any idea why Leski called me home?” I asked. 

 Shaking his head, Korix licked his lips, trailing his gaze down the length of my body. 

 “I missed you,” I said. 

 His only response to that was a funny noise at the back of his mouth, and I inched my fingers a step closer. 

 “Ko,” I softly said. 

 He looked up at me with his pupils blown wide. 

 “Come here.” 

 I would never get tired of watching his flushed face lowering to mine, and he would never fail to know exactly what I wanted. His mouth ground into mine so hard that my head slipped off of a pillow’s edge, and distant pinpricks flashed over my scalp. I held him to me, but even then, we weren’t close enough. Weeks I’d gone without seeing my life partner, and I needed….  I needed. 

 Throwing my leg around Korix, I crushed his hips into mine, and both of us made noises that should never be heard from a Lokke Vitras. Slapping a hand beside my head, Korix turned forcefully insistent with his kiss, and I couldn’t help but smile at that. I loved it when my lips were puffy after I’d spent time with him.  

 Distantly, I heard the door hiss open— 

 “I knew I’d find you here! I- oh. Sorry.” 

 —and rolling off of me, Korix laughed at the look on Leski’s face. With her cheeks reddening, her freckles had almost faded, which was too bad. I liked them, liked kissing them. 

 She’d pulled her hair into a ponytail, exposing her neck and ears. Today, she was wearing shorts and a mesh shirt under her typical, knee-length coat. The outfit showed off her legs and waist, drawing attention to all the curves on her body, and as I took her in, my mind emptied with only her left behind. 

 Once more, I was reminded of how lucky I was. Doubly so. 

 “I… can… come back?” Leski said. 

 I didn’t know why she got ruffled like this. Leski had walked in on me and Korix hundreds of times before, the same as he had when I was with her, and every time, we responded the same way. With a grin and a smirk, we extended our hands in invitation to Leski, his life companion. My wife. 

 She returned our smiles, answering our unspoken question with a headshake. 

 “I don’t have the energy,” she said. “I’ll just watch, if you don’t mind.” 

 I turned to Korix. Everyone knew that Leski wasn’t asking me, slut for attention that I was. 

 Shrugging, Korix tried to roll on top of me again, but I was faster. I wrestled myself atop him, and pinning his wrists, I took my time running my eyes over my prize. The smooth dip of his waist where his shirt had pulled away from it. The arms that he was letting me hold down. The absolutely perfect face lifted toward me. The eyes watching me, waiting with such anticipation that it might intimidate me if he wasn’t him and I wasn’t me. 

 “Where were we?” I said. 

 Tilting his head to the side, Korix said, “Kissing, I believe. I definitely remember you suffocating me with your mouth. There might have been a leg thrown around me too.” 

 …Why had I ever taught this man the art of snark? Clicking my tongue, I dove toward him, stopping just short of our lips coming together. 

 “You’re an ass sometimes,” I said. 

 Raising an eyebrow, Korix said, “So? You are too-” 

 I shut his lying mouth with my tongue in it, and his laughter rumbled through me. 

 From there, we fell into our typical pattern. Korix play-fought me. I pushed him into the floor. Kisses and the press of our bodies eventually weren’t enough, and I released him, letting him run his hands over me while pulling my shirt over my head. More clothes came off, piece by piece, until nothing remained but skin and skin and… 

 Kisses sucked the air from my lungs with gasps flying from us unbidden, and always, ever, throughout, I could see only Korix. He was my world, and the world had made me an underwater vent with too much steam building behind it. I couldn’t get enough of him, so when he pulled away to wriggle out from under me, I whimpered a little, fiercely biting my tongue when I heard it. 

 After rifling through my discarded clothes, Korix soon returned, climbing onto my thighs. Gripping the back of my head, he kissed me like he was afraid I’d break, rubbing his nose against mine as he backed off. 

 “Please,” he said. 

 Mother Time, there was such begging in his gaze. 

 “Of course, Ko,” I softly said. 

 I nudged his chin until he was turned my way. I wanted to see the moment when delirium made its claim on him, but then, I could hug him to me, pressing my forehead to his. I could steal kisses in between bouts of him tugging on my hair. I could fully enjoy it when he clutched me to him until he couldn’t anymore, and after I lowered him into the pillows, he stared at nothing while every part of him was loose. 

 “Fuck,” he coughed. 

 And I shivered. Korix never cursed. Never. 

 Except when I’d unwound the snarled ball of stress that was him. I loved hearing those filthy words come out of his mouth. 

 As he slowly settled back into his body, Korix searched for me, grimacing when I squeezed his hand. 

 “Oh, no. I didn’t mean to leave you…” he said, peeling himself off of the floor. “I can-” 

 And Leski was there, pushing Korix into the pillows. 

 “Stay down. Enjoy the glow,” she said. “I’ve got this.” 

 She toppled me backward and… 

 For the first time in weeks, I floated—that state that came when one’s mind wiped out—because of something other than pain. These two… 

 Sex with other partners was great, and I fucking loved it, but it was different with Leski and Korix. It was more… more. 

 When I came to, Leski was smooshed between me and Korix, and he was resting a hand on my cheek, watching me. He smiled when I focused on him. 

 “I missed you too,” he said in sub-vocals. 

 Straining my neck, I kissed his palm, but then, both of us turned to the partner we’d ignored to this point, snuggling into her.

Chapter 3: Tell Me the News
Leski, as usual, cuddled Korix and I just as fiercely as we always did with her. She and Korix might have kept their relationship within the realm of the platonic whenever I wasn't involved, but they still loved spending time snuggling together. 

 And of course, I'd always loved any form of physical intimacy with my partners. 

 “Hi, Leski,” I said. “How’ve you been, love?” 

 “Oh, you know. Fabulous, as usual,” she said. “I got the solo for that Maliva piece I’ve been talking about, the one scheduled for next season’s orchestral rotation.” 

 Squeezing Leski, I nuzzled her shoulder while Korix, who’d probably already heard about this, ruffled her hair. 

 “Congratulations!” I said. “I know how much you wanted it.” 

 Leski stuck her tongue out at me. 

 “Of course I wanted it. It’s only the most coveted part in the musical world this year,” she said before turning sober. “Do you think you can see me play?” 

 Pinching her nose, I gently jostled her head. 

 “You already know the answer to that,” I said. “When you have it, send me the list of your concert dates, and I’ll work one into my schedule.” 

 Somehow. 

 Leski swatted my hand away, rubbing her offended skin. 

 “I will,” she said before making a face. “There’s… one other thing. You probably won’t like it. Shukusen Talira wants to see me later this week.” 

 The room went still, turning the crackle of its flames into a deafening noise, and I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. 

 After her first two decades in Kolb, working as an operative, Leski had switched her focus to writing security processes for the House. She was happy there, but over the last two years, Talira had been pushing for her to advance in Strata, which wouldn’t normally be a problem. This elevation, however, would push Leski into the ranks of the high Strata, somewhere missions could be forced on her. 

 “You didn’t tell me about this,” Korix said. 

 “Because it might not be what we think, and I didn’t want to stress either of you,” Leski said. “Remember, my loves. I can take care of myself. You don’t need to shield me from Talira. That’s what we agreed, right? We’d trust each other to handle our shit until someone asks for help?” 

 Swallowing the stranglehold on me, I hid my face on Leski’s shoulder, breathing her in. 

 “Ok. You tell us the second you need us, though.” 

 Leski lightly smacked me. 

 “Of course I will, dumbass. That’s what I promised,” she said. “Now, let’s shove that unpleasantness to the side. Other things require our attention like… Ko? Will you tell him about the project you started?” 

 Cautiously, I lifted my head from hiding, narrowing my eyes at Leski’s mischievous grin, but when Korix shifted beside her—his version of a squirm—I zeroed on him. 

 “Project?” I said. “You decided to take up a hobby one hundred years after Talira released you from the role of the Lokke Vitras?” 

 “I was making up for almost four centuries of service,” Korix sourly said. “Having the role for yourself now, can you blame me for wanting to do nothing but read, cook, and date?” 

 “No…” 

 I really, really couldn’t. 

 “So, what’s the project?” 

 Coughing, Korix muttered something unintelligible. 

 “I’m sorry. Mind repeating that?” I said. “I don’t think I heard it through the shock of seeing you embarrassed.” 

 He glared at me, and the tick that he got when he was annoyed started up, which had me biting my lip. Mother Time, inducing that look was always the highlight of my week. 

 “He’s writing a book,” Leski said. 

 I glanced between her and Korix. 

 “A book,” I repeated. “Really? You?” 

 Hunching on himself, Korix said, “Is it that hard to believe?” 

 “Not at all! Quite the opposite, in fact,” I said. “It’s just…” 

 Chewing on my lip, I cocked my head. 

 “I see you now and as you were, regularly kicking my ass in combat training, and the contrast…” 

 I trailed off as Korix clenched more tightly around himself. Damnit, he was closing off. 

 “All I’m saying is that I’m glad you’re healing, Ko. More than is reasonable,” I said, giving him a slight smile. “I look forward to reading your masterpiece once it’s finished.” 

 Korix snapped his mouth open, but no words emerged from him, only a soft squeak, and grinning, I marked the memory in my array, to be stored with so many other precious moments with my partners. I swore to Mother Time; he knew what I was doing because he clicked his teeth together before swooping down on Leski. 

 “You and I will have a word later,” he said. 

 Wriggling in place, Leski said, “Oo, scary.” 

 “You should be scared, small one,” Korix growled. 

 Hell, why couldn’t I stay with them all the time? Barring dates, of course. Times like this, with them teasing each other and me a delighted observer, I wanted to take the role of the Lokke Vitras as well as the society that had created it and burn it all down. 

 But I couldn’t. 

 And I couldn’t stay here. I’d made a deal with Talira: I served as her Lokke Vitras, and as a consequence, I didn’t have to swear loyalty to a House. When leaving Cambris and Liala’s apartment, I’d bordered on breaking that deal. The hours that I’d spent getting home and communing with my partners had tilted that balance, and Leski had yet to explain why she’d summoned me here. 

 So, clearing my throat, I said, “Love, you said that you have news?” 

 Korix and Leski’s banter broke off while a blank-eyed lack of expression—one I’d come to hate—fell over them. 

 “You have to go, don’t you?” Korix said. 

 Hissing, I said, “Not… immediately. But soon, yes.” 

 “Good. That means you have a little time,” Leski said. “Maybe it’ll be enough for you to enjoy this. So…” 

 Clicking her tongue, she swiveled to face us, and after we exchanged a glance, Korix and I climbed out of the pillows to match her height. She took our hands. 

 “There’s a reason I’m not especially worried about Talira pressuring me into elevation,” she said. “I had a meeting with shukusen Marza today.” 

 Once more glancing at Korix, I was glad to see that I wasn’t the only one who was baffled. 

 “What did she want?” I asked. 

 “Oh, come on.” 

 Leski rolled her eyes. 

 “You’re smart enough to figure it out on your own, boys. Put those brilliant brains to work,” she said. “You get one more hint. It has to do with something that we decided thirty years ago.” 

 Hell, how was I supposed to remember everything we’d done that long ago? So much had happened in the time since that the specifics of one year had become hazy, at best. Still, I tried. 

 A meeting with Marza. What did my Leski of House Kolb have to do with the shukusen of House Drav? When it came to purpose, the two Houses were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Kolb was centered on necessary violence while Drav concerned itself with… 

 Population control. 

 My mouth had gone dry, so much so that I had to swallow a few times before I could speak. 

 “She approved our application?” I asked. 

 Nodding, Leski said, “She wanted to tell me herself so she could once more express her reservations. Probably too afraid to do it with anyone but me.” 

 I clenched my hands in my lap. 

 “That bitch!” 

 “Zae! Curse a shukusen later,” Korix faintly said. “Focus now.” 

 I was a little scared to continue down this path. What would happen if I touched the knowledge that was already sparking flames in my heart? Our application for a child, submitted so long ago that I’d buried remembrance of it, had been approved. 

 Which meant I was going to be a dad. 

 “We’re going to be parents,” Korix said, echoing my thoughts. 

 While Leski watched us process this realization with a shit-eating grin, the shocked hush of it pulsed around us. I didn’t know what to call this furious buzz of energy inside of me, making the skin on my face a paper-thin covering for the build of heated blood in them. If I held it in my heart, I would become a supernova, bursting from purely euphoric exuberance, so I let it out. 

 With a whoop, I raced around the library, trailing my fingers over the spines of the books that I could read to my child as they grew up. My laughter resonated in the room, delighted peals that returned to me through the sparkling glow that was overlaying the world, and when I reached the side table, I downed my long-turned-tepid whiskey sour, adding its warmth to what was threatening to split my lips wide. 

 Coming around the sofa, I tackled Leski, peppering her with kisses while she laughingly pushed against me, and when I came up for air, I found Korix—sitting beside us with a rare, contented smile on his face—before dragging him down with us. We were a pile of limbs and laughter and love, wrapped in the fulfillment of a goal that we’d fought to achieve over the last fifty years, thirty of them spent waiting. Twice as long as most Lutovish citizens, all because of who I was. 

 But it didn’t matter. Months from now, we’d come home from House Drav’s headquarters with a little bundle, made from two of us but child to us all. A small human to guide and love.  

 Mother Time, we had so many logistics to work out, but that discussion could wait. For now… 

 “How are we celebrating?” I asked. 

 We were draped over one another while the frantic energy in me had been reduced to lazy warmth, and I ran my fingers through Leski’s hair, further loosening it from its ponytail. 

 “I could make us a nice dinner. Or maybe a cake,” Korix said before propping himself on an elbow. “But… don’t you have things to do, Zae?” 

 Right. The role I was supposed to devote my life to. 

 Making a face, I said, “I don’t suppose either of you feels like coming with me.” 

 Scrambling out from under my legs, Leski hung over me. 

 “Are you asking us to go on a mission with you?” she asked. 

 “…Yes?” 

 Sighing, Leski lifted her eyes to the ceiling before bending to kiss me. 

 “Zae, you’re an idiot sometimes,” she said against my lips. 

 When she straightened, Korix was standing over her with his hands on his hips, a picture of heart-stopping appeal. 

 “Of course we’re coming,” he said. “Missions with you are some of the best parts of our lives, remember?” 

 What had I been thinking? This was my wife and life partner I was talking to, not Talira or a lower Stratus who’d find my request odd. 

 “Where are we going?” Korix asked. “Anything special we should bring?” 

 Uh… 

 I hadn’t had a task in mind when asking for help, fully expecting them to refuse my request, so it took me a minute to pull up my to-do list. Meanwhile, Leski scooched closer to me, practically vibrating with excitement, while Korix watched me with a fond tilt to his lips. 

 It was distracting. 

 I had yet to receive a report from Elrin on the missing persons investigation, so I picked the problem of next highest priority. 

 “Ibis. Sorry, Ko. I know you don’t like going there. You shouldn’t need anything extra,” I said. “Are you sure this is how you want to celebrate us bringing a child into the world?”  

 Leski dropped into seriousness, laying a hand on my cheek. 

 “Zaeden. Love. All of us are House Kolb or at least associated with it,” she said. “This is how we celebrate.” 

 Behind her, Korix nodded, and I released a long sigh before sitting up. 

 “All right. Let’s head to Ibis, then.”

Chapter 4: When Fighting Together Is Love 1
From the many pilots available to me, Third Stratus Damari had been my favorite for years. I liked them for four reasons. 

 One: They were competent at what they did, no more and no less, and they were comfortable with that. For instance, our current trip to Ibis had been rather bumpy with turbulence battering against the strike ship. Unlike with Damari, the typical House Kolb pilot would be panicking about their performance right now, all while apologizing to me, which brought me to my second point. 

 Two: In the time I’d known them, Damari hadn’t once told me they were sorry. They treated me like I was nothing special, which was fantastically glorious. It contributed to the reason for my third point. 

 Three: They were probably the only person, unrelated to me, who didn’t judge their Lokke Vitras for having public relationships with loved ones. After all, relationships were a ‘distraction’, and the Lokke Vitras could not lose sight of their purpose, ever an unwilling concubine to Lutov, their mistress. 

 This exceedingly common viewpoint was the only reason why several decades ago, I’d married Leski. Without its pressure, the three of us had been content in our pledge of lifelong commitment but with it… 

 Of my two partners, Korix had learned how to discount people’s opinions of him early on in life, but in our first few years together, Leski had had a hard time with ignoring judging eyes and stories whispered behind strangers’ hands. The three of us had agreed that making my relationship with her legally binding—legitimizing it, in a way—might ease some of the pressure on her, and it had, to a degree. 

 It hadn’t done the same for me, not that I much cared, but even still, encountering someone like Damari, who didn’t give a shit what I did in my personal time, was so ridiculously rare that for our first few months together, I’d found them mighty suspicious. 

 These three points served as the basis for the only friendship I’d ever had, outside of my family. 

 “Getting close, LV. Might want to wake the fam up.” 

 Damari’s voice echoed in the belly of the Packhorse, especially between the supply crates where Leski, Korix, and I had wedged ourselves. With my wife snoring on my shoulder and my life partner in the midst of a rare period of decent sleep, I hummed to myself, wondering whether I should do as Damari had suggested. I could leave them to dream, doing the job alone, but if I did, they’d kick my ass later. 

 Before I dragged them from sleep, though… 

 “Hey, you might get a message from me in the next few days, Damari,” I said. “It’s an invitation, ok? You don’t have to come.” 

 “Thanks for clarifying,” Damari said. 

 I could feel their eyeroll from here. 

 “Wake up your partners, dumbass, and don’t take too long on the ground. Shukusen Talira’s gonna notice one of her strike ships gone soon. You want her waiting for us when we get home?” 

 And there was the fourth reason that I liked Damari. They didn’t tell my grandmother that I occasionally brought Korix and Leski with me on missions. She would not be pleased to learn that particular secret of mine. 

 Making a face at a nearby recorder, I jostled Leski before carefully poking Korix. Considering how peaceful he looked, I didn’t think he’d wake up in a violent state, but it was better to be safe with him. 

 “Hell, I drooled on you again,” Leski mumbled. 

 Shuffling to her knees, she sleepily swiped at a wet spot on my sleeve, but I was only paying her half of my attention. Korix’s eyes snapped open, and I kept my hands close to my weapons until his presence filled them. 

 “You good?” I asked. 

 “Hello to you too,” he grumbled. 

 Despite his grumpiness, I relaxed. I wouldn’t have to fight him until he snapped to the present again. 

 “You three slowpokes ready yet?” Damari said with their voice blaring. “Your drop’s coming up in sixty seconds.” 

 Wow… they hadn’t given us much time to prepare. After hauling Korix and Leski to their feet, I glanced at a recorder, hurrying through a weapons check. 

 “Did I do something to piss you off?” I asked. 

 “Besides waking me up in the small hours of the morning to facilitate your weird-ass foreplay, you mean?” 

 “This isn’t…!” 

 With an exasperated sigh, I strode for the Packhorse’s hatch with Leski’s smirk catching my eye on the way. 

 “It kind of is,” she said in sub-vocals. 

 “Not this time!” I hissed through my teeth. 

 “Ok. I’ll give you that.” 

 With a chuckle, she pulled a length of cloth over her nose and mouth, leaving her hood down. 

 “Fifteen seconds, people,” Damari called. 

 At the hatch, Korix raised an eyebrow at me. 

 “When are you planning on sharing our objective?” he asked. 

 “On the ground,” I said, “where a certain inquisitive asshole can’t eavesdrop.” 

 “You wound me, LV,” Damari said. “Now, get the fuck off my ship.” 

 The hatch popped open, and I made a running leap out of it. For the space of a heartbeat, empty air accepted me like a long-lost brother before tossing me and my family toward the ground. Below us, the world was black with a dense cluster of firelight taking center stage. 

 That was our goal. 

 I was grateful that it was night, even if we’d had to take the long way to Ibis while chasing it around the globe. It hid how far we were above solid ground, which meant I didn’t have to quash an inevitable panic attack. It didn’t matter how old I got or how many drops I made. Heights fucking terrified me. 

 Once I was on the ground, I pulled my hood up, same as Leski and Korix, and congregated us between two buildings, somewhere people might overlook three Lutovish dressed like assassins. 

 “Why are we in Daka?” Korix asked. “Last time I checked, Escad was still the perfectly subservient nation that we force them to be.” 

 His tone was acid, burning me, and I winced. 

 “I apologized for bringing you to Ibis before we left,” I said. “I know you don’t like working here, but it’s where I need to be.” 

 “Ignore him, love. You know that hostility isn’t for you,” Leski said. “What’s the mission?” 

 Sighing, I rubbed my face, hiding it. 

 “Escad’s resistance is due for its once-a-decade cleansing,” I said, “but this time around, Vaessa doesn’t have enough information to use their trackers’ kill commands when wiping them out and… Mother Time, I hate my role sometimes.” 

 “Vaessa wants you to make an example of them,” Korix said. 

 I nodded. Hell, why had I brought them on this mission? I had plenty of others waiting for my attention. They might not be as high priority, but they still needed to be finished. 

 But when Leski wrapped her arms around me, I had my answer. I’d needed their support for this. Badly. 

 “You know…” Korix drawled. “Vaessa wouldn’t like it, but we could do this like we did the Zalfari wipe during year seven of your training. Make it a game.” 

 I barely contained a snicker at that memory. 

 “Oh, Mother Time, Talira looked like she was going to pop a vein when we came home from that one,” I said, “and you said… what was it again?” 

 “‘My kuvesk required practice with unarmed combat. He won’t be much of a Lokke Vitras if he can’t kill someone with his bare hands.’ Or something like that,” Korix said. “To be fair, you did need the practice.” 

 “And you told me not to kill anyone,” I said. “I understand why, though. Both of us were pretty heartsick then.” 

 Before either of us could get too maudlin over the far-distant past, Leski cleared her throat, wrinkling her nose above the cloth covering it. 

 “Mind cluing me in?” she said. 

 Whoops. 

 Squeezing her, I said, “Sorry, love. Korix is suggesting that we clean the resistance out non-lethally. Let Vaessa handle the unconscious Escadese we leave behind.” 

 “Meaning they’ll still die,” Leski said. “We’ll just rough them up first.” 

 I winced. How did she always find a way to put things in perspective? 

 “They were dead the second they joined a resistance,” Korix said. “Vaessa allows Ibis’ resistances to persist so they can draw out dissidents, but every ten years, the House triggers the kill commands in the rebels’ trackers. Sometimes, though, they assign the problem to the Lokke Vitras, and if they send Zae in…” 

 “It means they don’t know which people belong to the resistance,” I said, “which means…” 

 I waved for Leski to finish the sentence, and when she followed along our line of reasoning, as she’d learned to do over the years, her eyes widened. 

 “Oh. Oh!” she said. “Knock them out to complete the mission and if any of them wake up before Vaessa gets to them, they live.” 

 Korix and I nodded while Leski giggled. 

 “Of course you two found a way to save lives during a mandated wipe,” she said. “So, you mentioned a game. What is it?” 

 Shrugging, Korix inclined his head to me. 

 “Ask him,” he said. “It was originally his idea.” 

 When Leski raised an eyebrow at me, I explained. 

 “Everyone starts out with one hundred points. Every draw of a weapon deducts ten points, all unnecessarily inflicted injuries deduct five, and killing someone deducts fifty. At the end, we tally how many people we downed. The one with the most to their name gets twenty-five points added to their score. Whoever has the highest score wins.” 

 “And what does the winner get?” Leski asked. 

 Meeting Korix’s eyes, I smiled. This memory brought with it nothing but warmth in my core. 

 “One day in bed, the loser to serve at the victor’s every whim, and I do mean all of them,” Korix said. 

 “Oo,” Leski purred. “Have you two played this game often?” 

 “Not as often as we might like,” Korix said with his eye still glued to mine. 

 “And who, might I ask, won after the Zalfari wipe you mentioned?” Leski asked. 

 Tearing my gaze off of Korix, I grinned at my wife, wondering if my eyes were twinkling as much as I thought they were. 

 “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I teased. “So? Are you in?” 

 Tapping the side of her face, Leski said, “Hmm. Let me think. I might get the chance to have both of you at my mercy for a day? Hell yes, I’m in.” 

 With a soft chuckle, Korix rubbed his forehead. 

 “Our poor kid…” 

 I swatted his shoulder. 

 “Hey! We can be discreet when we have to be and besides! With us as parents, our kid will have a comprehensive understanding of a healthy sex life,” I said. “That’s important, no matter how much people don’t like to think about it.” 

 “And if the kid doesn’t want a sex life?” Leski asked. 

 “Then…” 

 That was a good question, one I’d never considered before. 

 “Then, we make sure they know that’s fine too,” I said before making a face. “Mother Time, you two can be distracting sometimes. Can we go?” 

 “You’re the Lokke Vitras,” Leski said. “We serve at your command.” 

 At her tone, I sucked in a gasp with lightning zapping through me, leaving my fingers twitching. I could grab her, pin her to a wall, and kiss her. We had time. I could run my hands all over her body… 

 With a low groan, I shook my head. 

 “Did I say you were distracting sometimes? I meant all the damn time,” I said. “Let’s go before this mission turns into the three of us fucking in an alley.” 

 “Sounds fun,” Korix said. 

 Shutting off the world, I took a deep breath, and when I let it back in, their eyes were pinched with restrained laughter. 

 “I hate you both,” I sourly said. 

 “Aw… we love you too,” Leski said. 

 “Yeah, you remember that after I win this game, and you’re mine for a day.” 

 In an abrupt about-face, I left the alley, leading the way to our goal.

Chapter 5: When Fighting Together Is Love 2
As I glided onto the street, I hoped my desperate need for my partners’ imparted comfort hadn’t been shining from me as we’d spoken, just as I hoped it hadn’t been why Korix had brought up our old game. There was a reason I’d been putting off my responsibilities for a few days now. It was the same reason I’d delayed a check-in chat with Korix earlier tonight. 

 Simply put, I couldn’t take much more at the moment. 

 But Leski and Korix were helping me in my struggle for a healthy balance, whether knowingly or not. The promise of a child, my child, had also served as a life-line, hauling me back in. This, how they saved me, was the reason that I’d insisted on keeping my loved ones in my life, despite the disapproval of nearly everyone in Lutov. 

 Also, I was perfectly aware of how callous we were acting about tonight’s soon-to-come violence. Unfortunately, there came a point in every life—or every life like mine—where the one living it simply could not acknowledge the harm they were causing anymore. For their own sanity, such a person learned to apply false cheer to their actions, forcibly ignoring how awful it was. 

 And of course, I couldn’t do much to change tonight’s wipe. The Lokke Vitras might hold more ‘freedom’ than everyone else in Lutov, but they were also the most bound by society. 

 In other words, yes. This role let me get away with a lot of bullshit, but there was a line that I absolutely could not cross, not without risking severe consequences. I already skirted it more than I should, and I did not want to throw my life away for a cause or a people who couldn’t currently be saved. If their circumstances changed enough to give them a chance at gaining freedom from us, I’d consider helping the children of Ibis, but I couldn’t make a move until then. 

 Crossing Daka didn’t take us long, and when we reached the resistance’s first safe house, I glanced over the small building. It looked like any other home in this city, but I knew better. 

 Vaessa kept a careful eye on Ibis’ resistances, part of their duty to keep this continent stable, and I got a detailed report on them every month. Because of this, I knew which of these seemingly innocuous homes actually housed dissidents, for the most part. 

 I didn’t presume to have identified them all. Children of Ibis were fucking smart, consistently coming up with new and clever ways to hide their activities from me and the homeland, but unfortunately, this worked in our favor. The safehouses that I didn’t know about, the resistance members who slept with their families tonight, and the satellite hideouts flung across Escad? These would serve as the base that the resistance could rebuild on, and we wanted them to do that. 

 Mother Time help me if House Vaessa decided they wanted to wipe all of the resistances out of their domain. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the centuries that we’d allowed them to grow, but the Lokke Vitras was supposed to be one with the impossible. I would run myself into the ground trying to fulfill their expectations. 

 With my head canted to the side, I examined my current target while my array used the heat signatures found inside to project the location of the building’s occupants into my vision. While I waited for Korix and Leski to finish their initial scans as well, I created a file to share with them. Currently, all it held was: K-100, L-100, and Z-100, but I expected those numbers to quickly change. A lot of people were waiting for us in this safehouse. More than I’d expected. 

 “Love, you take the front. Ko, you come in from the north entrance,” I said over a direct connection. “I’ve got the upper floor. Move in on my mark.” 

 “Confirm,” they said. 

 As they slunk to their proper starting positions, I took off for the building beside the safehouse. At its wall, I kicked up it—once, twice—and on the last of these, I took hold of the roof’s eave. Hauling myself up and over, I rolled to my feet, soundlessly sprinting for the safehouse. 

 When my feet had no more adobe to consume, I hurtled through the air toward my target building, curling my fingers around the straw and wood-beam base of its roof when I landed. Once atop it, I carefully crawled to the roof’s peak, perching over a two-story drop. 

 On scanning the building beneath me, I noted that nothing significant had changed, and my partners were in position, waiting for me. 

 Closing my eyes, I took a slow breath in and out, boiling out apprehension and self-disgust and feeling from me until I’d reached the state that was most essential for everyone in House Kolb. Mission mode achieved. 

 With my eyes still closed, I said, “Mark.” 

 Swinging off of the roof, I crashed through the shutters of the window below me, tackling the woman behind it. When we hit the floor, her breath whooshed from her, and seizing her skull, I smashed it into the wood slats until her eyes rolled into the back of her head. 

 On my feet, I stalked down the corridor. When a man emerged into it, I was waiting for him. I spun him in place, pushing him into a wall, before pressing my forearm into his neck. Ignoring his punches and kicks, I concentrated on where I was applying pressure. 

 Before he could slump into unconsciousness, he plucked a knife from somewhere on his body, desperately stabbing at my eye, but I quickly disarmed him. He drooped soon after that, sliding down the wall when I released him. 

 Palming a sedative hypo, I glided into a room where a couple, locked around each other, had somehow not woken up from the noise filling this safehouse, and two jabs later, the upper floor was clear. I hurried to a ladder, jumping through the hole at the top of it. 

 An analysis of my new surroundings revealed several unconscious people on the floor with Leski wrestling another one nearby. She had the fight well in hand, but another hostile was sneaking up on her with a sword raised above his head. 

 Without thought, I tossed my newly collected knife at him, and it buried to the hilt in his shoulder. Hissing, he stumbled, giving Leski enough time to finish with her opponent before turning on the next, all while I deducted five points from my score. 

 Panting, Leski shot a glare at me while rising from her straddle of the man. 

 “Only five?” she asked. “Shouldn’t it be fifteen?” 

 “Technically, I never drew that knife,” I said. “I got it off a resistance member.” 

 Leski looked down her nose at me until I deducted another ten points with a sigh. On the tail end of our exchange, Korix strode into the room. 

 “You two ok?” he asked. 

 “Fine,” Leski said. 

 “A little bruised,” I said. “I’ll live.” 

 Besides, these pesky injuries would soon be gone. 

 “Right. Everyone add up your body count and we’ll…” 

 Frowning, Korix glanced at me. 

 “How did you already lose points?” he asked. 

 With a grin, I retrieved my new knife, waving it in the air. 

 “Instincts are powerful things, Ko,” I said. “We should hurry up, though. We still have several safehouses left, and when Damari dropped us off, they seemed eager to get home.” 

 Wincing, Leski said, “And we really don’t want to upset them.” 

 “No, we don’t.” 

 So, we moved out, making a circuit of Daka. The numbers in my tally changed with every clash, but by the time we were finished, they stood at: K-95, Leski-75, and Z-80. The best part of the game had yet to come, though. 

 Jittering with barely contained glee, Leski asked, “So? Final body counts? Mine’s twenty-one.” 

 “Hang on,” I said, lifting a finger. “Let me contact our ride.” 

 I’d already sent a direct connection request, and until Damari accepted it, Leski viciously tapped her fingers on her thigh while Korix crossed his arms. 

 “‘Sup, LV?” Damari soon asked. 

 “We’re all done here,” I said. “Ready for pick up.” 

 “Awesome,” Damari said. “On my way. ETA three minutes.” 

 “Thank you.” 

 “Yeah, yeah.” 

 When they cut the connection, I refocused on my family. 

 “So, you brought down twenty-one, which prospectively puts you at ninety-five points,” I said, pointing at Leski. “What’s your number, Ko?” 

 “Sixteen,” Korix said. 

 At my incredulous look, he shrugged. 

 “I was taking it easy,” he said. “What about you, Zae?” 

 How should I answer that question? If I told the truth, I’d win our little game, and I wasn’t sure I wanted that. If we left our scores as they were, however, I’d have eighty points while they’d be tied with ninety-five a piece and… 

 What could I say? Something about a day devoted to their pleasure appealed to me on a deep level right now. Since I’d basically won, could I instead choose to lose? 

 Wincing, I said, “Twenty.” 

 With a delighted giggle, Leski pattered her hands together. 

 “I win!” she chirped. 

 Shaking my head at her antics, I said, “So does Ko.” 

 Hugging himself, Korix was watching me with a pleasantly neutral expression in place. 

 “Yes,” he drawled, “we win.” 

 “Which means we get to have you at our mercy soon,” Leski said. 

 When she jabbed me in the side, I softly smiled, enjoying her unbridled enthusiasm. 

 “The next day I have free,” I said. 

 “Oh, it’ll be so much fun,” Leski said. 

 She had a faraway look in her eyes, probably imagining all the things she’d make me do, and huffing, I plucked her mag hook off of her belt, pressing it into her hand. 

 “Damari will be here any minute,” I said. “You can celebrate your victory once we’re in the air.” 

 She made a face at me but prepared herself anyway, and as I withdrew my mag hook, I noted that Korix was still watching me. When I cocked my head at him, he broke eye contact, and I got only a few seconds to wonder why he’d done that before the strike ship swooped over Daka, dragging us behind it. 

 I received a message from him while we were in the air. 

 What was your actual number? it read. 

 Trust Korix to catch me in a lie, even one as minor as this. Would I ever get something past him? 

 Thirty-eight, I replied. 

 After a pause, Korix sent, That’s more what I expected. 

 Was he angry? I hardly ever lied to him or Leski, even when doing that would be so much easier sometimes. The few times I did were similar to this instance, small things that only benefited them. That I chose to benefit them. They rarely benefited me as well. 

 As I steadied myself on the Packhorse’s wall with its hatch closing behind me, I tracked Korix’s stride to the alcove we’d occupied earlier. 

 I’m sorry. Sometimes, I get tired of the expectation that I’ll be the best at everything, and I hate winning all the time, I sent. Still. I should have just said that instead of making it complicated. 

 Glancing back at me, Korix gave a slight headshake before collapsing in his chosen spot. 

 “Are you two joining me or not?” he asked. 

 Leski skipped toward him, almost face-planting when the strike ship shuddered, and I followed at a much slower pace. When she flopped into Korix’s arms, he found me over her head, and his eyes crinkled at the look on my face. 

 ‘Not upset,’ he mouthed before extending a hand to me. 

 With a weight lifting off of my shoulders, I sank to my knees in front of them, interlacing my fingers with Korix’s while pressing my lips to Leski’s mouth. Korix peppered her cheek with kisses, making her giggle, and pulling away, I breathed the source of our joy into the hollow our faces made. 

 “We’re going to be parents.” 

 There was a breath where the three of us considered everything this would entail, our hopes and fears and desperately desired vision for the future, and then, Korix broke it with a huff. 

 “It’s about damn time,” he said. 

 As I shivered at the curse on his tongue, Leski laughed, pushing me over. I toppled beside Korix, and beaming, she put one knee between my legs and another between his before pulling them together. 

 “We’ll be great at it,” she said. 

 And while I was terrified of the opposite, I still knew this to be true. 

 With his hand in her hair, Korix dragged Leski down beside him, and while her yelp quickly became a pleased hum, I walked my fingers along her leg and hip, admiring the arch of them. I meant to make another trail along the inside of her thigh, but a voice snapped through the Packhorse’s belly, jerking us apart. 

 “I swear to Mother Time. If you make me clean up another mess on my ship, I’m never taking the three of you anywhere again,” Damari said. “I know you’re, like, the most sex-crazed people in Lutov, but fucking save it ‘til we get home. You know I don’t like excessive displays of affection.” 

 Which made it unfortunate that they’d befriended us. When together, my partners and I were almost always touching one another, and it was hard to remember that we should control ourselves around Damari. 

 With a wince, I said, “Sorry. Nothing more than light cuddling for the rest of the way home. I promise.” 

 There was a slight pause and then. 

 “I’ll pay as little attention to those recorders as possible, then.” 

 “Thank you, Damari!” Leski called. 

 Clicking their tongue, Damari said, “Whatever. Assholes, the lot of you.” 

 But they left us alone. 

 Rolling to my side, I settled next to Korix. I left my hand curled on his chest, near where Leski had sprawled herself. She brushed her fingers through my hair while talking with Korix, and I let their words bloom and fade in my ears, uncomprehending of anything but the deep sense of comfort that my partners imbued. 

 When I took up this mantle, I hadn’t been sure what to expect. I’d known that my life would be hard, impossible even, but I’d been willing to endure it if it meant that Korix would be freed from a role that had been slowly breaking him. I’d been willing to hand myself over in sacrifice to Lutov, letting the spark of my soul be forever stained, but I hadn’t known what my life would become. 

 It turned out that being the Lokke Vitras wasn’t so bad. 

 The strike ship rocked around me. My partners’ words hummed a song that only they could weave in the air, and with Leski smoothing my hair against my scalp, I let my eyes droop and fall closed.

Chapter 6: Politics Are the Worst
Mother Time, I hated assembles. They were pointless, a complete waste of time, but even still, the Houses’ shukusenth and First Strata came together every month, rotating our meeting spot between the six headquarters. 

 Today, we were halfway up Kirst’s tower, and its shukusen, Orin, was doing his damnedest to wrangle Raelle and Arion, the leaders of Vaessa and Zan respectively, free of a heated argument. 

 “Nobody’s questioning Zan’s need for test subjects, especially ones with a similar physiology to ours,” he said, “but Raelle’s right. If you intend to focus so heavily on research into magic and the bloodsong, perhaps more resources should go to Vaessa instead of Ostiu.” 

 Bristling, Arion said, “My people are barely getting enough as it is! How do you expect us…?” 

 And I tuned out. It was more of the same, the Houses squabbling to keep themselves in greater positions of power. 

 I understood what these assemblies were meant to accomplish, applauded the idea even. The Houses needed a space where they could air their problems with one another, but long before I’d earned my place here, these assemblies had become long meetings where the shukusenth only argued, and considering how little the First Strata got to speak, who knew why we were required to attend them? 

 Already bored out of my mind, I glanced over the room, fighting to keep from fidgeting. As Lutov’s leaders, the shukusenth got the pleasure of a chair around today’s table with their heirs standing behind them. My shukusen, Talira, looked as bored as I felt, sprawling in her seat while tapping a pen on the table. To her left at Marza, Drav’s head of House, and I couldn’t help the flash of resentment that rose at the sight of her, so soon after the reminder of how long she’d delayed my family’s application for a child. Next to her was Orin, whose face was red and flustered, and Raelle was leaning over the arm of the chair beside him to shout in his ear. 

 I skipped over the person to Raelle’s left, avoiding anything Cerullis-related when I could. When around members of that House, I had to pace myself. Screaming hatred still threatened to push me into attack mode, even this long after the Ancients Crisis. 

 Fortunately, the next person in the circle soothed that wrath. Not Arion, practically seething in his seat. No, my source of relief was my brother, rigidly standing at his shukusen’s elbow. 

 He caught me looking at him, and with a grin tugging on his lips, he mimed a flapping mouth with the hand he had hidden behind his back. I raised an eyebrow. 

 You realize that’s your superior you’re mocking, right? I sent to him. 

 He answered with a slight shrug before I received his message. 

 So? it read. What will you do about it, Lokke Vitras? 

 Wincing, I sent, You know I don’t like you calling me that, Phen. 

 I hated even the slightest reminder that I might one day have to harm my family. 

 Rolling his eyes, Pheniks returned his attention to the argument, one that was building into a conflict I might need to mediate, but I wasn’t done with him. Bending over Talira, I pulled paper off of the pad she was using to take notes. I didn’t know why she liked handwriting them instead of recording them in her array, but in this case, I was grateful for the oddity. 

 As soon as I moved, the room’s heated hostility dropped to ice with every eye fixing on me. 

 “Excuse me,” I said into the silence. 

 It took a while for the shukusenth’s conversation to gain traction again, several tense heartbeats where I tore a strip off of my claimed paper and rolled it into a ball. 

 “Perhaps Arion has made a good point. We certainly don’t want a revolt in Ostiu,” Raelle eventually said. “If you let some of my people work from that nation, though, we could help with preventing a disaster like that.” 

 Scoffing, Arion said, “As if you have such a great track record with preventing revolts.” 

 And so it went. 

 As soon as our leaders had become embroiled in an argument again, I flicked my paper ball at Pheniks’ ear. When it hit, he jumped before glaring at me. 

 Say you’re sorry, I sent to him. 

 His face reddened. 

 For what? 

 Using my title instead of my name, of course, I sent. 

 With a huff, Pheniks faced the table once more. 

 Stop acting like a child, his message read. 

 I flicked another missile at him in response, and swatting where it had impacted, he jerked toward me. 

 Mother Time, Zae. Could you, for once in your life, act like you’re supposed to? 

 From the set of his shoulders, I could almost hear the hiss that my brother wanted to unleash, so I stuck my tongue out at him. 

 No, I sent. Say you’re sorry. 

 Oh, my fuck, really? 

 Almost fully turned my way, Pheniks gritted his teeth at me. 

 Fine, his message read. I’m sorry, Zae. 

 Someone cleared their throat, which had Pheniks spinning toward the shukusenth, and I did the same much more languidly. Nearly all of them were staring at us, but Talira was leaning on the table with her face in her hands, which I just loved seeing. 

 “Do our newest members have something to share?” Orin asked. 

 Coughing, Pheniks opened his mouth to apologize, but I cut him off. 

 “Not at all,” I said. “I asked for clarification from First Stratus Pheniks regarding an appeal that House Zan made of me. You looked quite busy shouting at one another, so I thought I’d use the moment to make productive use of my time. Pheniks was only responding to me, as he should.” 

 Silence reigned for a moment with Raelle and Arion turning purple in the face. The rest looked on with bemusement. 

 “I… see,” Orin said. “Perhaps we should reconvene at a later date. Every issue we’ve raised this month has been something the Houses can work out individually. Unless someone has an item that affects everyone here?” 

 Most of the people around the table had nothing to say, indifferent to the proposed early dismissal, and I gleefully considered what to do with the extra time that I might soon gain. 

 “Um… I do, actually,” a tremulous voice said. “If it’s not too much of a bother.” 

 Considering how rarely her voice was heard during an assembly, the shukusenth and their First Strata turned on Sanya with no small amount of surprise. For my part, I controlled my grimace as I focused on the new leader of House Cerullis. 

 I had no clue how Cerullis had regained so much of its power in the last one hundred years, almost all while under this woman’s leadership. She shrunk under the weight of the room’s gazes, attempting to merge with her chair, and I thought she might give up on voicing her issue, but silently, her First Stratus stepped forward to rest a hand on her shoulder. His touch shuddered life into her frozen form, and she straightened. 

 “I’m officially requesting for our strictures on space travel to be lifted,” she said. “Over the past several centuries, members of my House have been making alarming observations about our sun. We’ve recorded enough of them to establish an unmistakable pattern and-” 

 “I’m sorry. Did you seriously just ask to send people into space?” Arion asked. “Why, for the love of Mother Time, would you want to take up such a defunct field of study again?” 

 I would also like an answer to this question, if for the opposite reason as House Zan’s shukusen . If Lutov stretched its fingers into the vast mysteries of space, I would love it, but considering how most of our society viewed that realm, I was curious why Sanya had taken an interest in it. 

 Almost everyone else seemed to agree with Arion’s incredulousness, although Pheniks had cocked his head like he did when stumbling onto an interesting puzzle. 

 Stiffly, Sanya said, “Perhaps you’d like to look at the relevant data before dismissing my suggestion.” 

 For a moment, all I could do was blink at her. In the ninety or so years since she’d become a shukusen, Sanya had acted as the timid newcomer, striving to make up for her predecessor’s mistakes, so this example that she had a spine? I liked it. 

 Maybe it was time to let go of my ill will toward Cerullis. The House was far removed from what it had once been, after all. In fact, it was the only one that tended to work with the others instead of squabbling, which I’d have enjoyed more if my hatred hadn’t blinded me to it. Huh. 

 Absently, I pulled up my to-do list, adding a visit with shukusen Sanya to the top of it. 

 “That would be wise,” Talira said. “Why don’t you send us your files, Sanya? We can review them and discuss your request at our next assembly. Acceptable?” 

 Slumping, Sanya nodded, and while the shukusenth returned to ignoring her, I watched her First Stratus gently squeeze her shoulder before retreating. Hmm. That was… interesting. 

 “Well, then,” Orin said. “Unless someone else would like to spring a surprise request on us, I call this assembly adjourned.” 

 When no one protested, those gathered broke apart. Various attendees clumped together for small talk or left, depending on their schedules. Getting Pheniks’ attention, I jerked my head for him to join me, but he held up a finger before bending to murmur in Arion’s ear. 

 “I hate these damn assemblies,” Talira said, stretching her arms overhead. 

 “They do seem rather pointless,” I said. 

 Standing, Talira gathered her things. 

 “That’s no excuse for starting trouble, my Lokke Vitras.” 

 As Talira turned to me, I shrugged one shoulder. She should be used to vexing behavior from me by now. 

 “What did you think of shukusen Sanya’s concern?” I asked. 

 “I’m not sure what to make of it yet. I’ll have to gather more details before forming an opinion. It’s definitely strange, though,” she said. “Your thoughts?” 

 “The same,” I said. “I’d like to look into it. Unless you object, my shukusen?” 

 Talira narrowed her eyes at me. 

 “Don’t you have enough on your plate?” she asked. “Your recent missions have been completed in a… sluggish manner.” 

 Considering who was around us and where we were, I had only one way to answer that question. 

 With a brilliant smile, I said, “I know my limits, my shukusen.” 

 “Do you, though?” 

 I snapped my head to Pheniks, silently willing my little brother to shut up. I might flaunt the typical Lokke Vitras decorum, but there were some things one just didn’t do in Lutovish society, like calling the person who held my role into question. Unfortunately, Pheniks kept talking. 

 “You’ll run yourself ragged without someone to keep you in check.” 

 With a tight smile, I said, “First Stratus Pheniks, I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” 

 Frowning, Pheniks said, “Why are you talking so…? Oh, right. Shit.” 

 He rubbed the back of his neck before bowing to me. 

 “Please forgive me for doubting you, Lokke Vitras.” 

 Wincing, I lightly punched Pheniks’ shoulder. 

 “Get up. It’s all right,” I said. 

 When Pheniks shot upright, his face was still pink, and Talira shook her head at us both. 

 “Grandsons,” she said to herself. 

 Ignoring her, Pheniks said, “Did you need something?” 

 Damnit, now it was my turn to be awkward. 

 “Yes, actually,” I said. “I was hoping… That is to say, if you both have time…” 

 How the hell did I do this? I’d had parties at my place before, of course, but none had been like the one I had planned for tonight. 

 Raising an eyebrow, Talira drawled, “Yes?” 

 Fuck it. 

 “I’d like it if you joined me and my family for dinner this evening. Ko and I will be cooking, and Leski has entertainment of some sort planned,” I said. “I’ve already invited the rest of the family and a few friends. You’re the last two on the list.” 

 Both of them blankly stared at me, which I found surprising. I’d thought at least Talira would know what my invitation had actually meant. 

 “Rank of import from one to ten,” she said. 

 In other words, should she abandon her duties for the day? 

 Apparently, Talira’s typical omniscience when it came to me had taken a break today, although I wasn’t sure why she hadn’t guessed the purpose of tonight’s party. In answer to her question, though, I turned to her, pouring deadly seriousness from me. 

 “Ten,” I said. 

 She pulled back with a small gasp while Pheniks’ eyes widened. Not only had I never hosted a family dinner, but they must see how badly I wanted them there. They could see that they shouldn’t refuse this request, even knowing I wouldn’t blame them if they did. And they knew I’d never asked for them to attend one of my social events, not even the wedding between me and Leski. Not that my reticence had stopped them from attending most of them anyway. 

 “I’ll rearrange my schedule,” Talira said. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to request a few direct connections.” 

 She scurried out the door while the remaining shukusenth watched, and I turned to my brother. With a rueful grin, Pheniks clasped my shoulder. 

 “Of course I’ll be there,” he said. 

 And a knot in my stomach unraveled. 

 “Fantastic,” I said. “I’ll see you later tonight, then? I mean, I guess I will but-” 

 A message flashed in my array as Pheniks squeezed where he was touching me. 

 You will, Zae, it read. Go. Finish what you need to do. 

 Damnit, why was my family like this? I didn’t deserve them. 

 “I thank you for your time, First Stratus,” was what I said to Pheniks. 

 Thank you, little brother. I love you, was what I sent. 

 With a short bow, I raced around Pheniks and out the door. Notifying Korix and Leski about my availability, I waited for them to tell me what still needed to be done. While in the capital, I’d help them however I could before heading home, giving myself plenty of time to prepare. 

 Tonight must be perfect, after all.

Chapter 7: Let's Get This Party Started!
Nerves set in when our guests started arriving. 

 It was strange for me because I loved social gatherings like this. I loved the energy of people coming together to commune in one way or another. I loved the attention that was paid to me. But this time, my palms were sweating when I greeted the first guest to arrive: one of Leski’s more casual partners. 

 I was on door duty since Korix was finishing dinner and Leski was running around the house, making sure it was secure. So, I made my rounds between a sitting room and the foyer, easing new arrivals into existing conversations while welcoming my family’s partners and friends. 

 When blood family started arriving, my already sweaty hands started shaking, no matter how hard I tried to control them. These people flowed by in a blur. 

 Talira, who was polite enough to keep from commenting on the jitteriness that only she should see. 

 Niklaus, who I hadn’t seen in decades. After so many years with them never talking, I wasn’t sure why Leski had invited him. True to form, his face twisted when I bowed to him, the only way I knew to greet him anymore, and once social niceties were completed, he stalked to a corner where he could brood and sneer at our guests. 

 Feena, who clasped my shoulders and kissed my cheeks with a bright smile. 

 Mom and dad, who nervously accepted my hugs as if afraid I’d retract them. Our relationships had gradually improved since the Ancients Crisis, but like I’d told them, it wasn’t the same. Stiffness infected everything we did. When we were together, I was constantly analyzing my behavior for hostility, and it was exhausting, as I knew it must be for them as well. Hence, why we didn’t visit one another often. 

 Once they'd joined with the crowd, I slipped away to find an empty corner. After checking that I was alone, I shook out my arms before rubbing them. 

 I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Behind my breastbone, my heart was leaping far too violently, and my mouth was way too fucking dry. It didn’t matter how much water I drank; I was still parched. I hadn’t felt this way since… 

 Since the wedding, actually. Despite how much Leski and I had considered the damn ceremony an imposition, we’d poured a lot of time and effort into it, and throughout it, I’d obsessively worried about the things that could go wrong. 

 This dinner was the same, except I actually cared about how it went, and it was so fucking stupid. Whether these people enjoyed themselves tonight or not shouldn’t matter. How they received our news shouldn’t matter because I already had everything I needed on that front with Leski and Korix. 

 Where were they? I needed one of them, the two people I implicitly trusted, to tell me everything would be ok. 

 “Hey, LV! I thought I might find you here.” 

 Taking a deep breath, I shoved these sticky feelings below the surface and turned on Third Stratus Damari with a smile. They advanced on me in their typical, aggressive manner with a bounce in their step, and I did a quick examination of them, always curious how they were presenting themselves. It changed near daily, and they’d never seemed to mind my scrutiny. 

 Tonight, loose slacks hung from their hips while a severe jacket with a fem cut concealed a plain shirt. Their hair—orange today—was cut short, shorter than most Lutovish liked it, and a strong jaw—that was new—accented their full lips. 

 Lifting an eyebrow, Damari said, “Like what ya see?” 

 “You look fantastic, as usual,” I said as they came to a stop. “When did you get here? 

 “Oh, maybe two minutes ago,” Damari said. “I went looking for you as soon as I saw you weren’t at the door. How’re ya doing?” 

 I winced. Even after decades of knowing them, I wasn’t used to how blunt my friend could be, especially when it came to emotions. Most people in House Kolb would rather pretend that feelings didn’t exist, using cold formality to mask them, and I’d emulated that behavior since I was a child. If I was to fit in, I’d had to. So, Damari’s insistence on acting otherwise could be jarring, if also appreciated. 

 “I’ll be fine,” I said. “You don’t need to worry about me.” 

 In a blur, Damari snatched my chin, turning my head from side to side, while ignoring the knife I’d palmed. 

 Clicking their tongue, they said, “You’re lying.” 

 Releasing me, they rocked back on their heels, folding one arm over their chest while pressing their fingers to their lips. Meanwhile, I returned my knife to its hidden sheath. 

 “And if I am?” I asked. 

 They just kept staring at me before sharply nodding. Stepping into my space, they tilted their head up with their blue eyes flashing, I held perfectly still, aware this wasn’t an invitation—this was Damari, after all—but unsure what else they could be doing. 

 Resting their hands on their hips, they said, “Zaeden.” 

 All of my focus zeroed on my friend. They almost never used my name. Once they were sure they had my attention, they continued. 

 “Zaeden, tonight will be a blast. Everything will be fine, so please don’t have a fucking panic attack in a fucking corner. Come join your party and have some fun.” 

 I took a shuddering breath. For how brash and colorful Damari could be, I forgot how perceptive they were, which was silly. It and their adequacy as a pilot were why they were so high Strata. 

 And they were right. I needed to let things happen as they would. Knowing how much preparation had gone into this dinner, a disaster was unlikely to occur. So, I slowly breathed out before cocking my head. 

 “Third Stratus, are you telling me what to do?” I asked. 

 Grinning, Damari skipped backward. 

 “I’d never,” they said. “The great Lokke Vitras would never need my help, perfect as he is.” 

 …At some point, I needed to figure out why they’d never been afraid of me. 

 “You’re damn right I am,” I said. 

 With my chin loftily raised, I skirted around Damari, careful not to touch them, and stalked back toward my guests. When we reached them, my friend joined their crowded mush, somehow finding the empty spaces between clumps, but I kept to the edge for a moment, observing. 

 Pheniks had arrived at some point during my time away. On catching my eye, he grinned with a wave, which I returned, before resuming a conversation with one of my dating partners. 

 Glancing over the rest, I frowned. I’d known this, having reviewed the guest list, but it still bothered me that everyone here was an invite of either Leski’s or mine. Korix liked his solitary life, or so he claimed, but I couldn’t help a twinge of melancholy, knowing that he had no one to share our news with. 

 After finding him and Leski, I headed their way. As I approached, wandering notes swelled above their spoken counterparts, twisting into a definitive song, and I smiled. That was my wife. She couldn’t go for long at a party without indulging someone’s request for a performance, which was why I’d had the piano transferred here earlier today. Between people, I caught glimpses of her, swaying on the bench, with Korix leaning on the wall beside her, and I quickened my step. 

 “-sad really. All these people and no one’s here for him.” 

 Stopping short, I looked for the voice that had echoed my thoughts from not a moment before, landing on a mixed group. Given that I only vaguely recognized them, I had to wonder why they were here. Were they someone’s plus one or a few of Leski’s partners that I hadn’t met? Either way, they were watching my Korix and Leski with their arms crossed and a downward pull to their lips. 

 “Is it that surprising, though?” a sandy-haired man said. “I mean, he was Kolb’s First Stratus, yes, but he obviously failed to perform as demanded, considering he’s still breathing. No clue why the new Lokke Vitras stays with the old.” 

 This new one might just kick that bastard’s ass before the night was over. 

 Gritting my teeth, I tried to move away from a possible source of conflict, but something had glued my feet to the floor. I was helpless to do anything more than listen as a woman with carefully manicured fingernails spoke up. 

 “I hear he sees things.” 

 The group shuddered. 

 “Is it any surprise that he has barely any friend and no family?” 

 Holy fucking shit, I didn’t know how yet, but I was going to hurt these people who’d speak ill of Korix after everything he’d done for this society. Before I could move toward them, however, someone slid between us. 

 “Forgive me, young ones, but given what I heard, you must have misspoken,” Talira smoothly said. “My once kuvesk has quite a large family, if not the one he was born with. He has a sister in Second Stratus Feena and a brother in First Stratus Pheniks. He has me, which should scare the shit out of you, and if it doesn’t, you should consider the people who live under the same roof as him, one of whom is your Lokke Vitras. All of us love him in our own way, and we protect those we love. You will not disparage him in his own home.” 

 Hell, I wished I could see their faces. I knew the set of Talira’s shoulders and the barely contained violence that she was showing them. To this day, that expression scared me to death, no matter how much I tried to hide it. 

 “I think it’s best if you leave, don’t you?” Talira calmly asked. 

 I smirked at the sheepish retreat of the people she’d addressed, but that faltered when she glanced over her shoulder. 

 Do you want me to hunt you down? she sent in a message. Because attacking the citizens you’re supposed to protect is one of the fastest ways to start me down that path. 

 Ouch. That slap down had hurt. Holding Talira’s gaze, I bowed, maintaining the posture once I was there. 

 My apologies, shukusen, I wrote. 

 Talira rolled her eyes. 

 Stop that. Just remember who you are. Even if you’re home, you carry a role and a title. Now, go to your life partners so I can get back to enjoying this party. 

 Turning on her heel, she vanished into the crowd, and I straightened. How had I let myself lose focus like that? I knew this was home, the only place where I could fully relax, but right now, it also wasn’t. Too many strangers were here for me to let my guard down. 

 When I reached the piano, Leski was still coaxing the most beautiful music from it, and with her fingers flying, she lifted her chin for a kiss, which I obliged. When I rose from it, Korix jerked his head toward where the confrontation had occurred. 

 “What was that about?” he asked. 

 Shaking my head, I said, “You don’t want to know. Is dinner ready?” 

 I loved that he trusted me enough to drop a topic when I suggested it. 

 “Not quite yet,” Korix said. “I’m having drones finish the last part.” 

 Gasping, I flung fingers in front of my mouth. 

 “You aren’t,” I said. 

 “I know,” Leski said. “I was shocked too.” 

 “Is it that surprising?” Korix grumbled. “During your training, you’d finish meal preparations often enough for me.” 

 Glee spiked through me, even as I rested a hand on my hip and donned my most severe expression. 

 “I’m sorry. Are you comparing me to a drone?” I said, pouring outrage into my voice. “I am much prettier than a drone.” 

 The piano’s music cut off as Leski bounced on the bench, giggling. In answer to my mischief, Korix slowly blinked once, but then, he stepped toe-to-toe with me, gripping the back of my neck. 

 “Yes, you are,” he said. 

 He kissed me, full on the mouth, and I smiled. 

 Eventually, a drone floated into the sitting room, flashing until Korix acknowledged it, and the three of us congregated from where we’d wandered to socialize. Together, we led the way to the terrace. 

 We had too many guests for everyone to sit at one table, so several, smaller seating arrangements dotted the terrace’s cobblestone with a glass and steel railing bounding them. A set of stairs led into our small garden, our only imposition on the Southern Fells’ natural landscape. Beyond that, the moors stretched into the dark of night, and if the sun had been struggling to pierce through the mists always found here, one might see the glint of Lake Phiabe. 

 Our guests positioned themselves around the tables with some of them standing behind their chairs, but when I flopped into a seat, they relaxed. I resisted the urge to fidget while everyone made themselves comfortable, glancing over what lay in front of me in the meantime. 

 Drones had arranged food across the table, and it looked amazing. Damn, Korix had outdone himself this time. I hoped someone here would have the good sense to praise him for the effort he’d put into this, much as people had already complimented Leski for her piano playing. 

 One by one, our guests turned to stare at me, and I internally sighed. I hated the idea of a head of household, had always thought it demeaning to everyone else in the home, but in social gatherings like this, someone had to guide events. As the Lokke Vitras, this duty usually fell to me, and while I might typically enjoy the attention I received because of it, our current setting didn’t foster such gratification. 

 I lifted the whiskey sour that had appeared since I’d sat down, scanning the people around me with a smirk. 

 “Let’s get this started, shall we?” I shouted.

Chapter 8: An Announcement
As I drained my drink, a mixture of cheering and laughter blended with the first chords of a whimsical sonata, featuring the Xygek Symphony Orchestra. Many pieces featuring Leski’s performances would play throughout dinner, but once the plates and tables had been cleared away, we’d switch to something more appropriate for dancing. 

 For now, though, we kept the energy level low, and when people sampled Korix’s cooking, inevitably gushing about it, I hid my smile at their astonishment. Who knew that home-cooked meals tasted better than what a refectory could prepare? 

 I might have engaged in small talk during the meal. If so, I didn’t remember it. After that first whiskey sour, I proceeded to get thoroughly drunk, despite the weight of Korix’s disapproval. 

 I didn’t care what he thought. This first half of the evening was my part of tonight’s festivities. 

 So, when only dirty dishes remained on the tables, I jumped to my feet with only a slight sway. As if on cue, the terrace’s light orbs dimmed, turning violet and teal and all the other hues that were expected at a wild party. 

 There was a slight pause in the terrace’s activity, one where Korix gathered everyone who wanted a quieter evening tonight. When his group passed me, his pinched eyes and the tremble in his hands pierced through the haze that was claiming my world, but when I cocked my head at him, he waved me off. I met Leski’s eyes over other people’s heads, catching my worry reflected back to me… 

 But by that point, the music had taken on a steady beat, and as it rose in volume, people rushed into a space cleared of tables and chairs. After finishing my drink, I jumped in too. 

 In Lutov, this was what happens when a group was comfortable enough together. There was no awkward shuffle as to who would first step onto the dance floor. We threw ourselves into it: jumping along to catchy songs, shouting the lyrics of those we knew, swaying and gyrating whether elegantly or clumsily. No one cared who could dance. We were a mash of bodies, set moving by the part of every human that responded to music we enjoyed. 

 Over and around us, drones flew, delivering drinks and snacks, and at some point, I switched from whisky sours to anything that would deepen the buzz in the air and in my brain. With people running into me near constantly, so much liquid spilled over my chin and fingers, and the cobblestones beneath my feet got sticky. My haze took on a shine, one that sparked and glittered from the lights flashing around me, and time sloshed from one moment to the next, each one lengthening or skipping ahead as it pleased. 

 So many hands were on me with each of us needing someone’s touch or at least, a dance partner, and I couldn’t get enough of it. I kissed so many people, both Leski and random strangers. Even normally touch-averse Damari threw their arms around my neck to sloppily slide their mouth along mine, too drunk to care what they were doing. 

 At some point, Leski climbed atop a table on the edge of the terrace, and I watched, slack-mouthed, as she used her typically tame ballet skills to emphasize every curve of her body. Hell, it made me a live wire, and I probably would have stayed there all night if Feena hadn’t dragged me away. 

 Together, we found our brother, awkwardly standing on the sidelines, and taking one of his wrists apiece, we pulled him into the mosh pile. With my siblings, I laughed and danced and teased and thrusted drinks on them both, and we were all too drunk to care about appearances. We weren’t high Strata or the Lokke Vitras. We were unHoused again, sneaking to a club together, young and full of promise with none of the world’s troubles having come to scar us yet. 

 As with every time I’d gone dancing in the past, I slipped off with a pretty someone at some point. I didn’t know their gender or lack of it until we were down the terraces stairs and I pushed her into a wall. I was making out with her when the timer in my array stopped, flashing in an annoying fashion against my closed eyelids, and groaning, I retreated from the woman. 

 “Time’s up,” I said. “Are you ok?” 

 Grinning, she wiped her mouth. 

 “Fine,” she said. “My husband can finish off what you started.” 

 “Good,” I said, meaning it. 

 I kissed her once more before taking her hand, leading her back to the party. As we went, I filtered alcohol out of my bloodstream, silently cursing myself for the gradual return to a clear-headed state. Sending messages to the relevant parties, I stalked into a brightly lit house, wincing, and when my family and friend joined me, I led them to the sitting room where we’d started. 

 The others in my family were comfortably relaxed here, chatting or otherwise entertaining themselves. They seemed content, which loosened a knot of worry in my chest. I’d been afraid they’d get bored while waiting for the party animals. 

 When we filed inside, Kori looked up from where he was speaking with my parents before flying to Leski and me. I swallowed my anxiety, smiling at him while Leski glanced at me from the corner of her eye. When I gave her a slight nod, her body tightened, even as she beamed at our life partner. 

 “How was it?” Korix asked while he approached. “Did you have fun?” 

 Mother Time, his words were running into one another. It wasn’t obvious enough that others would notice, but I’d been with him for almost my entire life. I took his elbow, which had him loosening his stranglehold of his chest. 

 “It was great,” I said. “Thank you for indulging us.” 

 Stretching to my tiptoes, I hovered my mouth beside his ear. 

 “Just so you know, Leski and I are pretty sticky right now,” I whispered. “So, maybe keep your distance until we can shower.” 

 As expected, this had Korix pulling us to him while I chuckled under my breath. 

 “You’ve had your fun, Zae-zae,” Talira sourly said. “Mind telling us why we’re here?” 

 Right. The other people in the room. Hopefully, Korix could hold on a little longer. 

 “We’d love to,” Leski said. “I hope we weren’t too much of an imposition.” 

 “Not at all!” dad said. “It was nice to catch up with the family.” 

 “Good to hear,” I said. 

 Wrestling free of Korix, I swung around him, leading him and Leski to stand in front of those gathered. Somehow, I ended up in the middle of them with no idea of how. I hadn’t planned it that way, but I didn’t mind. Glancing between them, I put the chance to speak before my partners, but Leski only shook her head, lifting her eyes to the ceiling, while Korix squeezed me. 

 Mother Time, I loved them. They always indulged the hungry part of me that craved attention, even for something like this. 

 “As you might have gathered, we have news, an announcement even,” I said. “I believe I told Feena and maybe Phen about this, but about fifty years ago, Leski, Korix, and I started discussing what we wanted out of life. My choices in this are limited, of course, but that didn’t stop us from dreaming and eventually, making plans. So…” 

 Looking over the apprehensive faces turned out way, I bit my lip. What if they decided they wouldn’t support us? This, I realized, was a large part of why I’d almost had a panic attack earlier. 

 “So, after two decades of deliberation, we submitted an application to House Drav, and it was recently approved,” I continued. “In a few years, a little blend of us will be running up and down these halls.” 

 There was a beat of silence while expressions of shock and horror bloomed around us, and my heart plummeted into the earth’s depths. My worst-case scenario was about to come true. 

 When a crunch broke the dead quiet, however, every head whipped toward Damari. Jiggling a handful of nuts from the party in their hand, they finished chewing before broadly smiling. 

 “Cool!” they said. “Can I be the kid’s godparent?” 

 Mother Time bless my friend. I exchanged a glance with Korix and Leski. 

 “I don’t see why not,” Korix said. 

 Beaming, Damari wiggled in place. 

 “Awesome.” 

 “Wait. I’m confused,” Niklaus said from where he was hovering. “Why would the child need a godparent? The three of them—” 

 Damn, he always sounded so disdainful when mentioning my family’s arrangement. 

 “—aren’t like to decide they’re ready for death at the same time. This child won’t need someone to serve as a backup parent.” 

 Sighing under my breath, I shook my head. So damn sheltered. 

 “They’re House Kolb.” 

 That answer had come from everyone else, even Pheniks. Every kid born into a House Kolb family had a godparent named for them. It was rare for all of a child’s biological parents to die during the first twenty-five years of their life, but it did happen, and Kolb was all about contingencies. 

 On the heels of this, Talira said, “That bitch. Marza should have consulted with me about this. No.” 

 She snapped her eyes to mine, rising out of her seat with her finger lifted in accusation. 

 “You should have told me what you were planning,” she said. “I am your  shukusen. You’re supposed to share shit like this with me.” 

 I knew that, but at the time of our application’s submission, I’d been busy. It had slipped my mind. And if I’d conveniently forgotten to mention the application over the three decades of its consideration, I’d done so for a reason, once I was afraid might be fulfilled now. 

 “You don’t approve?” I asked. 

 Would Talira take our child from us before they were born? Would my captivity as the Lokke Vitras prevent Korix and Leski from becoming parents? What would I do if it did? I couldn’t take that from them. 

 Talira gave me a funny look. 

 “What? Mother Time, no,” she said. “I think the Lokke Vitras having a kid is an exceptionally stupid idea, but you, Zaeden, are one with idiotic ideas at times. Over the years, I’ve learned to trust that you know what you’re doing. No, I’m saying that if you’d told be about this, like you should have, we could have worked with Marza on timing.” 

 “Oh.” 

 Yeah, that made sense. Only Talira knew the full picture of what was happening in Lutov. I had a decent view of it, but it wasn’t complete. She might have missions planned for me to undertake, ones she hadn’t mentioned yet… 

 Wait. She approved. No. From the twinkle in her eyes, she more than approved of us having a kid. 

 Hell, what was this warmth, bubbling inside? 

 “I’m a moron,” I said. 

 “Yes, you are.” 

 Finished with me, Talira sank onto her seat, and I had the most massive grin on my face while squeezing my partners too hard. Similar expressions were shared by nearly everyone in the room, and we quickly slid into the moment where we’d descend on one another, crying and laughing and hugging. It was my best-case scenario. 

 “I didn’t think Drav could use three gene pools for progeny creation.” 

 Staring at nothing, Pheniks was rapidly tapping his fingers on his lips, and at his words, the group’s mood once more crashed into a burning mess. 

 “They can’t,” I stiffly said. 

 Silently, I begged my brother to restrain his curiosity for once in his damn life, but of course, he didn’t. 

 Swinging his finger between my partners and me, Pheniks asked, “So, who’ll be the real parents?” 

 I… was going to kill him. I was going to rip him into itty-bitty shreds and scatter the pieces on the wind, and he’d deserve it. 

 Because feel Korix turning to stone beside me with all of him now visibly shaking. See tears springing into Leski’s eyes and the flare of hurt across her face. 

 Over my life, Pheniks had made many blunders when it came to my sexuality and lifestyle, and in comparison, this one seemed relatively minor. I didn’t care. I was fucking done. Finished, fed up, DONE. No more ignoring what he said about me because he didn’t mean it. It had been over one hundred and fifty damn years. He needed to learn. 

 Taking a steadying breath, I said, “We won’t know which strands of DNA will be used, and even if we did, it wouldn’t matter. As Leski will be our child’s mother, Korix and I will be their father. Now, Phen-” 

 “Unnatural. The whole arrangement.” 

 The heartbeat of a room, already slowed by shock, ground to a halt. All of us turned to stare at Niklaus, who seemed unapologetic for breaking one of Lutov’s most cherished social norms. 

 My dad responded first. With his lips pulling away from his teeth, he leapt over the back of a sofa, but mom caught his wrist before he could go any further. Feena was audibly growling, tumbling a knife through her fingers, and Damari had requested their rifle with its muzzle shaking at their side. Pheniks glanced at everyone in bewilderment, and while Talira hadn’t moved, I knew Niklaus would receive a severe lecture from Orin over the next few days. 

 The only ones who hadn’t reacted were the ones who’d been insulted. Leski and Korix looked dazed, which surprised me. They’d heard worse from other people about their decision to partner with me, and while I could understand Leski’s shock—this was the first time her father had expressed his opinions about us since the Ancients Crisis—Korix baffled me. Sure, he’d relaxed over our years together, but he was still my evushk, still the master of his emotions. 

 But Leski had probably invited her father to our party so they could mend fences. 

 But Korix had been displaying the usual signs of an eminent break from reality. 

 This wasn’t what was supposed to happen when someone shared that they were about to have a kid. 

 “For Mother Time’s sake, stop!” I shouted. 

 And every eye was on me. 

 Shaking my head, I said, “Fucking hell, people. Can’t we be normal for one night?” 

 …Where had that come from? 

 I couldn’t breathe. Jerking free of what was holding me, I marched out of a room with too little oxygen in it. I needed to get out, out, OUT! 

 Only once I was through a door and into the cool, night air did I consider why I’d run. Only then, alone, did I consider my feelings about the epic disaster that I’d left behind.

Chapter 9: Ruined Celebration
I decided that my emotions didn’t matter. How I was feeling could never matter, so instead of digging into them, I pulled up a report that I’d received earlier today, the one I’d requested about the Preserve disappearances. 

 According to it, eleven people had vanished off the face of the earth since Drien, two months ago. Disappearances like this were common enough, part of the hidden underside of our ‘perfect’ society, but this many in such a short timeframe was noteworthy. 

 Fourth Stratus Elrin hadn’t made much progress with his investigation, mostly because the other Houses were delaying their approval for him to search the Preserve. Considering how thoroughly he’d combed Xygek to this point, that vast expanse of forest was most likely where he’d find these missing people, whether as prisoners or corpses. It was at least his best lead right now. 

 As the Lokke Vitras, I could get him access. Since my elevation, the Preserve had become just another part of Lutov to me. Maybe tomorrow I’d bring him with me on an excursion. 

 Elrin had a few theories as to who was taking these people and why, but every time I tried to read them, I flashed to the scene that I’d left behind and what I’d said. When stopping that confrontation, why had I mentioned being normal, of all things? My family had never been normal. I should be used to that. 

 Sighing, I swept the report to the side, thunking my head against the wall. As always when in the Southern Fells at night, a wondrous, overturned bowl of stars caught my eye. Even with the house and party’s light to compete with them, those pinpricks overhead were so bright. 

 Had shukusen Sanya meant what she’d implied in the assembly earlier? Would we one day reach beyond our planet again, all thanks to her poking at a subject that most Lutovish found laughable? Could I explore places that no human had set foot upon, the first Lokke Vitras since Rowan to take to the stars? 

 I banged my head on concrete again, chuckling under my breath. Like that would happen. As long as I held this role, I was bound to Lutov. 

 “Hey, little brother.” 

 Pushing air through my nose, I shook my head, refusing to look at Feena. 

 “They sent you to bring me inside?” I asked. 

 “Well, you did have a bit of a temper tantrum,” Feena said, “and I’ve always been the best at calming you down, besides Leski and Ko of course.” 

 “I assume they’re handling the others?” I said. 

 As she leaned against the wall beside me, I caught her nod from the corner of my eye. 

 “I wish you’d told me this was your plan for tonight. I could have prepped Pheniks for it, kept him from making any stupid comments,” Feena said. “You looped me in on everything else.” 

 “I wanted it to be a happy surprise for everyone, which was silly in retrospect,” I said. “Our family doesn’t handle the unexpected well.” 

 “Forget them. Hey!” 

 When Feena nudged my shoulder, I dragged my gaze down to where moonlight was outlining her half-smile. 

 “You’re going to be a dad,” she said with glee. 

 A snort became a laugh, and I lightly shoved my sister. 

 “You’re going to be an aunt,” I said. 

 “And isn’t that just wonderful and horrifying?” Feena said. “Hell, are we grown up enough for children in our lives?” 

 “Ko, Leski, and I will be responsible for the kid,” I said, “but you’ll do great. They’ll love their Auntie Feena.” 

 Sarcasm had soaked those last two words, and rolling along the wall, my sister socked my arm, which hurt. She’d never held back with me. Rubbing it, I turned my attention overhead again, knowing she was watching me. 

 “What’s got you so fascinated?” she asked after a while. 

 Without moving my head, I watched her for a moment before speaking. 

 “You’ll probably think it’s stupid.” 

 With her lips twitching, she said, “Tell me anyway?” 

 My mouth became a thin line as I lifted my eyes to the stars. 

 “I’m thinking about space travel,” I said. “What would we find in that vast, unexplored expanse? Mother Time, I’d love to go out there, walk on other planets, come as close to our sun as I can. We’ve almost exhausted the secrets that our planet holds but out there…” 

 Raising a hand, I curled my fingers around a star, pretending I was holding it. 

 “What mysteries might we find, Feena?’ 

 I slapped my hand to my thigh, but rather than making fun of me as expected, my sister kept quiet with a troubled expression in place. I didn’t know what to make of it. 

 “Do you know the story of the five saviors?” she eventually asked. 

 That… was a strange question. 

 Frowning, I said, “Do you mean the children’s story? Let’s see. How does it go? The silver tongue, spy, lawmaker, general, and inventor aid Mother Time’s most blessed in saving the world, right?” 

 Wincing, Feena said, “You fucked up the titles but yes.” 

 Ok… 

 “What does that have to do with space?” I asked. 

 Chewing her lip, Feena examined me as if deciding what to say, but when she opened her mouth to answer, a direct connection established in my array without my permission. 

 “Zaeden, get your ass in here now,” Talira shouted before cutting it. 

 “…Shit,” I said. 

 Because only one thing could have my grandmother so panicked right now. 

 “Problem?” Feena asked. 

 Nodding, I sprinted around her, unsure whether I was grateful or appalled to hear her following me. 

 The scene in the sitting room was everything I’d been afraid of and more. Our guests were huddled against the walls with only Talira and Leski able to move away from them. My grandmother was running interference, keeping everyone safe, but she was so occupied with doing it that she couldn’t help Leski. 

 My wife was doing her best to diffuse the situation. When she had to move, she did it slowly, but that wasn’t helped by Talira’s frantic efforts. Still, she crept forward as quickly as she could, and her voice filled the gaps between other noises. 

 “It’s not real, love. Look at me. You know me. I wasn’t there. I’m here in this moment with you, Ko. Just take a deep breath for me. Please, love.” 

 Because Korix had fallen into his past, and once he was this deep into it, these techniques were the only nonviolent ones we had to calm him down. 

 They weren’t working. Korix was standing in the entryway to the foyer, blocking it. White had drowned out the gray in his eyes, and with sweat rolling over his skin, his shoulders were heaving. He had a knife in one hand and a rifle in the other, and when I’d first gained visibility on the room, he’d been tossing his blade at someone. Blurring with House Kolb speed, Talira knocked it aside. 

 I saw all of this—panicked guests, House Kolb’s shukusen pushed to her limits, and Korix’s intensity—and I had a pretty good idea of what had happened. My grandmother and life partner had fought, and quickly learning he was outmatched, Korix had switched to containing ‘hostiles’, all while testing the main threat’s abilities. It was what I’d do in his perceived situation. 

 The answer to how he was securing the entrance I was occupying was answered when energy bolts flew for my head. Diving for cover, I pushed Feena behind me. 

 “Shit,” I snapped. 

 How had this happened? I knew social situations like this could trigger Korix at times, especially when he couldn’t find an avenue of escape in a crowded room, but I’d thought we’d kept this party tame, or the parts of it that he’d been involved with at least. I’d thought he’d had enough anchors in our home to keep him in the present. 

 “Damn it!” 

 Something must have happened after I’d left, something more than the disaster that I’d participated in, but the reason for this break from reality didn’t matter right now. Leski and I needed to bring Korix back down, and from what I’d seen, I didn’t think we could use our normal routine. 

 When I opened a direct connection with my wife, I said, “Assessment?” 

 “I don’t know, Zae. He won’t look at me,” she said. “It’s worse than that time you took us to bring in that monster.” 

 I winced at the reminder of that mission. I’d thought it would be simple: go to the suspect’s apartment, apprehend him, and search his home for evidence. 

 We’d never needed to look. When we’d arrived, the proof of his guilt, every trophy he’d taken from his victims, had been displayed for all the world to see. 

 After I’d entered the room, I’d managed to shut the door on Leski, keeping her from seeing what had been inside, before violently throwing up, but Korix… 

 Our suspect hadn’t made it into custody, and Leski and I had spent hours dragging Korix out of his closed-off state. It was the worst I’d ever seen him. 

 It was also why following that, I hadn’t brought him or Leski with me on missions for years, only relenting when they’d started pitching fits about it. 

 And Leski thought this break might be worse? Holy hell… had we finally lost him? 

 I snarled at the yawing pit in my stomach and the wail in my head. No! Korix would be fine. 

 “If I talked to him, would it help?” I asked. 

 “Maybe, but we don’t have time for it,” Leski said. “Talira can’t counter him forever, and more guests will soon pass through here, trying to go home. We have to keep them safe.” 

 “Mother Time damn it all!” 

 “I’m sorry, love,” Leski said. 

 “It’s fine,” I said. “Everything will be fucking fine.” 

 I started digging through my pockets, glancing up when Feena rested a hand on my shoulder. 

 “Can I help?” she asked. 

 A hysterical giggle flew from me before I could bite down on it. 

 “Actually…” I gasped. “Actually, yes. Can you let everyone on the terrace know that the party’s over? Have them skirt the house to their skycruisers, if you can, but with them drunk, that’ll be hard. I know you won’t be able to herd them all, but… they need to go.” 

 “Will do,” Feena said. 

 Once she’d disappeared around a corner, I banged my head on the wall, palming a hypo. I hated doing this. 

 Spinning, I marked heat signatures on the other side of the wall, watching them as I stuck my rifle into the sitting room. When I fired several bolts, most of them zipped over everyone’s heads, but still, Korix jerked to the side before ducking, telling me that I’d successfully dissipated his rifle. His knife clattered to the floor as well, but by the time it had hit the carpet, I was in the sitting room with House Kolb speed racing me to Korix. 

 His reflexes were as fast as ever, of course. As soon as he registered me coming, he tried to dive for the knife I’d shot out of his hand. 

 Fortunately, Talira was just as quick as him. She arrived before me, grabbing his wrist to drag him upright. With a fistful of his hair, she pulled his head to the side, and I sank my hypo’s needle into his neck. Talira released Korix before he could fight free of her, and I should have been focused on keeping him contained, but I was stuck in place, watching him weep. Watching him talk to people who were long dead. 

 “I’m sorry. I deserve your wrath. I do, but I don’t want to die. Not yet. Not anymore. Please. I never wanted to kill you, any of you. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look at me-!” 

 I couldn’t understand him anymore, not with his words bleeding together, and as he started wobbling, Leski hooked her elbows under his from behind, right before he sagged. Together, we lowered him to the ground, ending with his head in Leski’s lap, and I crouched in front of them, frozen in the face of my wife crying over our unconscious life partner. 

 Clearing his throat, Pheniks said, “Zae-” 

 “You should go home now, all of you,” I interrupted. “I think we’ve had enough drama for tonight, don’t you?” 

 I felt their judging eyes on me. On us. But the sound of shuffling feet indicated people were following my instructions. 

 Several of them stopped beside me before leaving. Mom kissed the top of my head while dad squeezed my shoulder. Talira told me to come see her in the morning. I got an encouraging message from Feena that I’d read later, and Pheniks apologized for what he’d said, which almost set me off. Instead, I took a deep breath, never removing my eyes from my loved ones. 

 “It’s ok, Phen,” I said, “but if you want us to stay close, you need to start thinking about what you say before you say it. It’s not just me that your comments affect, and yes, they don’t bother me. Much. But… I need you to start thinking about how what you’re saying might hurt others. Ok?” 

 After a pause, Pheniks said, “Ok. I’m sorry.” 

 Then, he left, and it was only me and Leski left with a deeply dreaming Korix.

Chapter 10: Recovery
Or that was what I thought until Damari crouched beside me and my partners. 

 “Looks like I was wrong about everything being fine,” they said. “Sorry ‘bout that.” 

 Softly laughing, I crawled to Korix’s side and dropped to the floor, patting the ground opposite me. Once Damari was sitting cross-legged there, they rested their elbows on their knees with their chin in their hands, chewing on their fingernails. 

 “When do ya suppose he’ll wake up?” they asked. 

 “Couple minutes,” Leski and I said together. 

 Making a face, she gestured for me to continue. 

 “Sedatives don’t work well on him after…” 

 “After what he was. Yeah, I get it,” Damari said. “Will he be… ok when he wakes up?” 

 Wincing, I raised my eyes to the ceiling, blankly staring at it, until Leski pulled one of my hands free of their clench together. When she laid its palm on Korix’s cheek, I brushed my thumb along his skin, smiling at his nose’s wrinkle even as my heart twinged. 

 “Most likely, yes,” I said, “but that’s not always the case.” 

 Damari vigorously rubbed their face before returning to gnawing on their nails. 

 “Damn. I didn’t know you had it so bad,” they said. “I mean, some of the older Kolb members get cranky sometimes but…” 

 Abruptly, they circled their fingers around mine and Leski’s wrists. 

 “I’m sorry. Let me know if I can do anything to help,” they said. “For you and him.” 

 My breathing hitched. No one had offered something like this. No one. Everyone who knew about Korix’s symptoms liked to pretend they didn’t exist, but Damari had offered to help, even after the violence that he’d displayed tonight. 

 “I’m… confused. Why aren’t you afraid?” I said. “Most people would be, but you’re not. You’ve never been afraid of me or Ko.” 

 Giggling cut me off while Damari rocked in place, but they waved at my befuddled expression. 

 “LV, I am fucking terrified of the both of you, have been from the moment you first asked for me as a pilot. You’re the most dangerous man in Lutov, easily capable of wiping out House Kolb if you wanted to. Why wouldn’t I be scared of you?” they said. “But…” 

 They turned serious. 

 “I see you, Zaeden. You are kind and good and have the biggest, most fragile heart, and despite the wonderful partners you have—” 

 They smiled at Leski. 

 “—you desperately need a friend. Mother Time, you stepped on my ship for the first time and practically blinded me with your bleeding ache for one. So, I determined that was what I’d be, no matter how much you scare me, and look at us now.” 

 Swinging over Korix’s body, Damari whacked my chest, and with a smirk, I rubbed the spot. 

 “You’re a better person than this world deserves, Damari,” I said. 

 With feigned embarrassment, they slapped their hands to their cheeks and swung themselves back and forth. 

 “Aw, thanks,” they said before turning on Leski. “What about you? Curious about why I put up with your shenanigans?” 

 “Besides because you like them?” Leski said with a lofted eyebrow. 

 “Excuse me, who likes getting pranked-?” 

 A low moan cut Damari off, and I frantically waved for my friend to get back. Leski and I huddled over Korix with another hypo a breath from his skin. Even still, I took turns with my wife in running my fingers through his hair while donning a fake, cheery smile. 

 With a grimace, Korix peeled his eyelids open, blinking at us with a frown tugging on his lips, and I held my breath. 

 “Why am I on the floor?” he asked. 

 Exhaling in a burst, I giggled alongside Leski, and we peppered Korix’s face with kisses while he protested. When he eventually pushed us away, he sat up, glancing around. 

 “Hello, Damari,” he said. “Where did everyone else go?” 

 “Home,” I said before my friend could speak, “and the drones have already begun cleaning up. The house is empty except for us and-” 

 “Me!” Damari said, fluttering their fingers in a wave. “I can go too if-” 

 “No!” Leski shouted. 

 At our stare, she shrunk on herself. 

 “It’s just… I…” 

 “She means that you can stay for as long as you like, which is true,” Korix said, “but I’m still unclear about what happened. The last thing I remember, I was speaking with Talira…” 

 A troubled look began its bloom on his face, but before it could spread too far, I took hold of his elbow. 

 “Leave it until tomorrow, Ko,” I said. “Everyone’s fine.” 

 He knew what had happened. The scorch marks and knives embedded in the wall, the report that his array had probably fed him about the remnants of sedatives in his blood, the memories that I had no doubt he’d already accessed. These painted a clear picture of what he’d done tonight, but sometimes, especially in recent years, his brain protected him like this, feigning ignorance of obvious knowledge. 

 And every time it happened, I let him indulge in it, at least for a little while. 

 “I’m tired,” Korix said. “The party wore me out.” 

 “Why don’t you and Leski go to bed, then?” I said. “I’ll come up in a minute, and we can snuggle for a while.” 

 One side of Korix’s mouth pulled into a smile. 

 “Sounds great,” he said. “What about-?” 

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “I’ll take care of the traps, Ko. Go to bed.” 

 Leski was already standing, offering him a hand, and while she hauled him to his feet, she shot me a worried look. 

 ‘I know,’ I mouthed. 

 Her lips twisted, but after my partners had said good night to Damari, she pulled Korix out of the room. Once they’d gone, I hung my head with my hands on my hips. 

 “What happened?” I quietly asked. 

 Sidling up beside me, Damari offered me a whisky sour, which I accepted without questioning where they’d gotten it from. I sipped it while they explained. 

 “After you left, Leski calmed everyone down before sending your sister off. Then, there was a lotta awkward conversation while we waited for you to come back, but eventually, Talira decided to break the bubble that had formed around your partners. I’m not sure what they talked about, but she shot way too many concerned glances at Korix while they were speaking, which was understandable. He was visibly shaking by that point. With a fake excuse, I started toward them, hoping to get him out of the room, but Niklaus got there first.” 

 Hissing, I winced. Niklaus. It was always fucking Niklaus. Even one hundred years after he'd last gotten in trouble and had so much power stripped away from him, he remained stuck in his ways, toxic, and inflexible to the extreme. 

 “He ignored Talira, which shocked everyone. No one does that to a shukusen,” Damari continued. “Started tearing into his daughter. I wasn’t close enough to hear the specifics, but from what I did catch, I’d guess he wasn’t being… kind. 

 “Korix stepped in. Quite loudly. I believe his exact words were, ‘Back off. Give her a chance to speak’, and… Niklaus blew up, getting in Korix’s face and yelling and… yeah, it was bad.” 

 I could imagine. Korix had probably been clinging to the real world with his fingernails at that point. 

 “Leski and Talira tried to pull Niklaus back, and I was on my way to help, but before we could deescalate the situation, a couple of your party guests came through, probably on their way home. They were drunk and shouting, and after they left the room, one of them uncorked a champagne bottle. Probably intending to enjoy it while on the way home. 

 “It stole Korix’s focus. He went completely white and started hyperventilating, and I could see him glancing over the room, as if identifying objects in it. Anyone with sense, Talira and Leski included, knew to step back and give Korix breathing room, but not Niklaus. He advanced until their shoes were touching and- and-” 

 I was floating far from my body, numb to the world, but even still, I needed to know. 

 “What did he do?” I asked with tingling lips. 

 Audibly swallowing, Damari said in a small voice, “Niklaus hit him, LV. He hit our former Lokke Vitras, who gave so much for…” 

 They’d sounded like they were about to cry, and I wished that I could comfort them, but all I could think was: 

 Yep. That’d do it. 

 And. 

 Fucking HELL were we lucky. 

 Draining my glass, I imagined hurling it into the fireplace, reveling in its shatter, but instead, I only wandered to a side table where I set it down, grazing its lip with my fingers. 

 “I appreciate the report,” I said. “Stay here for a moment, please. I have to finish last minute… things.” 

 A moment turned into an hour. I was aggressive with setting traps tonight, focusing on the minutiae of each. Whenever I found straggling guests, I shooed them home as politely as I could, and on nearing the foyer, I paused, hearing the click of phantom claws again. Mother Time, I could use Ace right now. 

 When I returned to the sitting room, Damari was hanging from a sofa’s seat with their knees hooked over its back. Leaving their fingers hovering in front of their face, they grinned at me. 

 “Kept me waiting long enough, didn’t ya?” they said. 

 Rubbing my eyes, I said, “Sorry. I needed to cool off.” 

 Upside down, Damari sagely nodded. 

 “Understandable.” 

 They swung their legs to sit upright, rubbing their hands together. 

 “So? Why am I still here?” they asked. 

 “Because you decided to wait for me instead of leaving,” I said with a smirk. 

 Rocking back, Damari said, “Oh ho ho! Someone’s feeling better.” 

 “A little.” 

 Leaning on the sofa’s arm, Damari slid down it to lay on their stomach with their feet kicking in the air. 

 “In all seriousness,” they said, “why am I here?” 

 “You’re here because…” 

 Huffing, I stared at the join of the wall to the ceiling. 

 “Because you stayed,” I said. “I told everyone to go home, and they did, although if she'd known what was going on, Feena probably would have waited as well. You ignored my command because you saw what I needed. That’s why you stayed, not for anything else, and I… I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for it, for braving the possibility of me taking the ugliness inside of me out on you.” 

 “Hey.” 

 Damari very carefully laid their hand on mine. 

 “That’s what friends do.” 

 Laughing under my breath, I said, “Is it? I wouldn’t know.” 

 But I dragged my gaze to Damari, who was swaying in place—never could keep still, this one—and softly smiling at me. 

 “Will you stay over?” I asked. “I understand if you have other plans or responsibilities, but if not, I’d like you here. Ko will be difficult tonight, and I could use the… help.” 

 Uncertainly eyeing me, Damari said, “I’ll get a separate room, yes? You can wake me up with a message.” 

 “Damari, who do you take me for? The most inconsiderate lout in Lutov?” I said. “Unless I need you, I’m not letting you within one hundred meters of my bedroom. I don’t want to scar you with images of me and my partners getting up to all manner of scandalous things. I mean, what if we’re kissing, or Mother Time forbid, have our clothes off, doing all manner of lewd things to one-” 

 “Ok, ok, stop!” 

 Shooting toward me, Damari slapped their hands over my mouth, but when I raised an eyebrow, they pulled free, an instant before I flicked my tongue out of my mouth. 

 “Mother Time, really?” 

 They glared at me, and I shrugged. 

 “This is who you befriended,” I said. “Now, come on. Let’s get you settled.” 

 For the entire walk to a guest suite, Damari grumbled behind me, and when we arrived, they didn’t wish me good night, merely slamming the door behind them, which sent me into peals of laughter, but those had died by the time I reached my room. I slipped inside, shuffling through the dark to our bed. It bounced when I sat down, and behind me, someone stirred. From the small hands pressed to my chest, I’d guess it was Leski. 

 Neither of us spoke until I’d slid between the sheets and gathered her against me. 

 Tracing her profile in the moonlight, I said, “How are you?” 

 “Stressed. Furious. Worried about Ko,” Leski replied. “Irritated about how long it took you to get here.” 

 “Sorry. I was showing Damari to a room,” I said. “I asked them to back us up tonight.” 

 Rotating to face me, Leski rested her chin on my shoulder. 

 “You did?” she asked. 

 I could hear her uncertain frown. 

 “You trust them with… this?” 

 This. The one thing neither of us discussed out loud. 

 “I do, actually,” I said, “and you know we might need the help.” 

 Leski hummed. 

 “If you’re sure,” she said before sighing. “Do you want first watch, or shall I take it?” 

 “No, I’ll do it. You looked like you needed sleep before that fiasco at the end,” I said, “but before we get to that, do you need anything from me?” 

 She was quiet for a long time, and I took the chance to look over Korix. He was already shivering with the faintest of noises coming from him, but soon, he’d be thrashing and whining. Only Leski or I could calm him down from that, and we reserved the safe cocoon of our bodies until it was needed. 

 A night of violent nightmares always followed a bad fall into his past, and after decades together, Leski and I had worked out a system that would keep Korix asleep throughout the night. Damari was here on the off chance that he woke up. 

 “I don’t know, Zae,” Leski said. “I thought today would be a joy, a wild celebration of new life and the rapture of sharing it with family, but… it’s been miserable.” 

 And I hated that. Shifting out from under her, I propped myself on an elbow, once more frozen in place and burning up inside at the sight of her. At her perfect nose. At her rash of freckles. At her eyes, pinched to the point that I swore it would kill me. She’d turned inward, lost to her misery, so I pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

 “Hey,” I said. “How can I make it better?” 

 Biting her lip, Leski said, “I don’t think you can, love.” 

 I knew the truth when I heard it, even if I didn’t like it. Still, I rubbed my hand along her stomach, glancing up at her with a question in my eyes. 

 “At least let me end tonight on the right note for you, then,” I said. 

 She turned her head to the side. 

 “I don’t know, Zae,” she said. “I… I don’t know.” 

 Nudging her face toward me, I kissed the tip of her nose. 

 “It’s ok to say no, my love. You know that,” I said with a wry smile. “It won’t hurt my feelings.” 

 “That’s not-!” Leski snapped. 

 Oo, that had been loud. Cringing, both of us glanced toward Korix, but besides a brief increase in the intensity of his shivering, he remained as he’d been. 

 “I mean I literally don’t know. My body’s giving me mixed signals,” Leski soon continued. “So, maybe… do what you like, but if I tell you to stop-” 

 “I’ll stop,” I cut in. “Of course I will.” 

 Taking her hand, I brushed my lips along her knuckles before peering at her with a smirk. 

 “But you have to promise to be very, very quiet,” I said. 

 Snorting, she nodded, and with a dubious glance, I shifted down our bed. When I disappeared beneath the sheets, she released a cascade of quiet cursing as she realized what I had in mind, and with the most genuine grin I’d worn all day, I got to work. Perhaps if I was lucky, the muffled gasps that I teased free now would make up for every terror-soaked noise that was sure to come later tonight.

Chapter 11: One Tense Meeting
Talira made me join her in a public place for most of our meetings. I thought it was a reminder of our agreement, a way to get back at me for pulling one over on her decades ago. 

 Today, we were having lunch near the city’s center, and I swore to Mother Time, my grandmother was lingering over her food on purpose. We’d been here for over an hour, making small talk, and I was having a hard time with keeping my leg from jittering. Even the distraction I’d given myself—matching every bite she took with one of my own—wasn’t helping. 

 I needed to be on the Preserve’s outskirts right now. This morning, I’d messaged Fourth Stratus Elrin to meet me there after lunch. 

 Which should have ended twenty minutes ago. 

 I needed to get started with this investigation, to solve it, although I wasn’t sure why I’d become so obsessed with this task out of everything on my to-do list. Sometimes, I was hit with bouts of intuition like this, ones that screamed, ‘This problem! Look into this, moron!’ 

 “Is something distracting you, my Lokke Vitras?” Talira sked. 

 Snapping out of my thoughts, I cocked my head. 

 “Of course not, my shukusen . You hold my total devotion,” I said. “Why would you think that you didn’t?” 

 “You keep glancing at the doors,” Talira said, pointing with a fork toward the exit. “Do you have somewhere to be?” 

 Damnit. Why did she do this to me? Her passive-aggressive streak made working together more difficult for us. 

 Making a face, I said, “Forgive me, my shukusen . I have something on my mind.” 

 Taking another tiny bite, Talira waved for me to elaborate, and I barely stopped myself from gritting my teeth. 

 “I’ve decided to look into the swath of recent disappearances,” I said. “They seem important, although I couldn’t tell you why, and I was supposed to meet my contact for that mission not long ago.” 

 “So, your agitation isn’t because of what happened at the party?” Talira asked. 

 For a breath, I was transported to this morning, when I’d held Korix down so I could give him another sedative. To leaving Leski with our non-responsive partner. To Damari saying not a word on the trip to Xygek this morning. Damn my role as the Lokke Vitras. Damn Lutov for needing it. 

 “Am I agitated?” I blandly asked. 

 Talira just gave me a look, and I sighed, slumping the tiniest bit. 

 “Last night isn’t helping my mental state, but most of my agitation is coming from how long lunch is taking,” I said. "I have things to do, my shukusen.” 

 “Well, you’ll have to drop them,” Talira said. “I have a mission for you.” 

 I didn’t know how I kept from clicking my tongue, sinking deeper into my chair, and crossing my arms. Of course she had a mission for me. I’d hoped her summons last night had been for me to report my recent activities to her, but I’d secretly known that something like this would be waiting for me when I returned to the city. 

 “Of course,” I said. “How may I serve, my shukusen?” 

 Talira lifted a hand, and a woman against the far wall fiddled with the air, making the noise from the other tables go silent. 

 “For the last few weeks, our operatives in Zan have been filing disturbing reports,” Talira said. “They think the House is in the process of developing a biological weapon that targets the peripheral nervous system.” 

 “Which is a violation of the Concords,” I said. 

 My voice had held no heat, even if outrage was sweeping over me in waves. The Concords, a set of loose laws, had been established shortly after the war with those from beyond the stars, partially in response to the travesties that had been perpetrated during that struggle. They weren’t often mentioned in current-day society because for most people, following these laws was easy. They served everyone’s best interest, by outlawing biological weapons for instance. I’d never thought I’d have to enforce them, but apparently, someone had decided to surprise me. 

 “Zae-zae. Honey. People have been breaking the Concords since they were first written,” Talira said. “An instance of it hasn’t happened for a while now, not since before you were born, but…” 

 She shrugged. 

 Sighing, I shifted in place, turning my head aside. Every year that I served as the Lokke Vitras chipped away at my belief in the good of humanity. People could be so… evil at times. 

 “So, you want me to what?” I asked. “Infiltrate House Zan and confirm this supposed weapon’s existence? That will mean going deep cover.” 

 It would mean an undetermined length of time when I couldn’t contact anyone in my life, most especially my family. 

 “I need to know if Zan’s going off the rails again,” Talira said. “I’m sorry to spring this on you so soon after you were approved for a child, but this is what I meant last night about timing…” 

 After several beats of quiet, I realized that she expected a response from me. 

 “It’s fine. Please, don’t apologize,” I said. “I’ve accepted that my life will never be my own, so something like this honestly doesn’t upset me anymore. It sucks, but we all have our parts to play in Lutov.” 

 Damn, her face had fallen. Had she wanted me to blame her for our circumstances? She controlled her life no more than I did. All of us were cogs in our society’s machinery. 

 “May I contact Phen while I’m in deep cover?” I asked. “I doubt he’d give me anything useful, too loyal to his House, but he might help in small ways.” 

 Plus, if Kolb was about to rain hell on my brother’s House, I’d like to give him a little warning about it. 

 “That’s not a good idea, not with how close you two are. You can’t practice objectivity around him, so no. Let me handle Phen,” Talira said. “Zaeden…” 

 She looked like she wanted to say something more, but I didn’t prod her for it. What would be the point? 

 I wouldn’t like investigating House Zan without Pheniks knowing about it. Sure, he might have acted like a jackass last night, but he was my little brother. I was supposed to keep him safe. It was what I’d promised him when we were kids. Was entrusting him to Talira’s goodwill keeping him safe? 

 She was his grandmother. I had to believe that she’d do what she could for him, even if she was also the shukusen for- 

 “Zaeden!” 

 Rapidly blinking, I focused on Talira, curious why she looked so concerned. 

 “Are you all right?” she asked. “Usually, you’d be flinging snark about as if it were a jar of glitter right now, and you most definitely wouldn’t be this calm about getting a deep-cover mission when you should be with your family. You’d put on an amazing show of it, but you’ve never been able to hide your buried fuming from me. I don’t see it now. What’s wrong?” 

 She was right, but I didn’t know what to tell her. When looking at Talira, I could see her worrying if I was going the way of Korix, soon to need my own replacement. I didn’t think I was headed in that direction, but as I considered what she’d said, I recognized how hollowed out I was. Even my agitation from earlier was gone. Was this how it had started for Korix? 

 “The last year has been… rough,” I said. 

 Without permission, my eyes crept up until I was looking over Talira’s head. 

 “I am… struggling. A little,” I said. “I can handle it but…” 

 I forced myself to meet my grandmother’s gaze. 

 “We’ve been here before. Sometimes, something breaks in me, and I’ve had enough. I just… stop feeling, but it shouldn’t affect anything. The Lokke Vitras still stands strong.” 

 While I’d been speaking, Talira had chewed on her lip, but now that I was finished, she sharply nodded. 

 “I hear you,” she said. “Once this mission is over, I’ll ensure that you have a few days to yourself.” 

 Sighing, I said, “You can’t go easy on me just because you think you broke Ko-” 

 She slammed her hands on the table, rattling our dishes. 

 “Shut the fuck up, Zae-zae,” she snapped. “Do you know how much your training strained House Kolb? No matter how deeply it terrified me that you required so little time to learn the skills you needed, I also rejoiced at how short that time period was. I nearly had to ask the other Houses for aid while Korix was whipping you into shape. 

 “We aren’t doing that again. I would rather stress the lower Strata in micro-bursts than for an extended length of time, one that would see more of them killed than normal. So, you will take the damn breaks that I give you, and together, we will preserve your mental health. Is that understood?” 

 I hadn’t known the years of my training had been so difficult for everyone in House Kolb. Why hadn’t Feena said anything about that? Had she been trying to protect me? 

 Talira took a deep breath as if she meant to further shout at me, so I hurried to answer. 

 “Yes, my shukusen.” 

 Deflating, Talira said, “Good. That’s good.” 

 Was I supposed to say something more here? Usually, I was quite proficient with social shit like this, but every time I reached this low point, whatever gave me that talent, whether empathy or something else, flew out the window. 

 “Is there anything else?” I tentatively asked. 

 Jumping, Talira shook herself. 

 “No, we’re done,” she said. “Unless you’d like to finish your lunch?” 

 Looking down at gravy, congealing around long-gone-cold chicken, I shuddered. 

 “No. Thank you,” I said. “I’ll keep you informed of any developments.” 

 Pushing my chair back, I dropped my napkin on my plate before standing. With one arm behind my back, I bowed to Talira, but I didn’t cup my neck. Doing that and speaking the necessary words would give her my Favor, binding me tighter to her than a vow to her House might, and I was never letting that happen. Not with her. Not with anyone. 

 As I exited the restaurant, I temporarily stole the voices of the people I passed, but for once, this didn’t bother me. For once, I could use walkways and public lifts, my favorite means of traversing Xygek, without my skin crawling. Even the hush and halt of activity in the lobby of House Kolb’s headquarters did nothing to me. I took a lift to alterations, wondering how long it would take activity to resume behind me.

Chapter 12: Sure, I Can Leave Right Now
When I reached my floor, I found an unoccupied room, locking the door after I’d entered it. Making a running leap, I perched on a counter with my legs swinging before requesting a direct connection with Leski. She didn’t accept for so long that I wondered if something had gone wrong at home, but eventually, her voice rang in my head. 

 “Hey, love,” she said. “This... isn’t a good time. Can you give me fifteen minutes?” 

 She’d sounded distracted: relaxed and on the edge of sleep 

 “Sorry, but no,” I said. “I need to speak with you and Ko. Has he recovered enough for that? I’d like to loop him in.” 

 “He’s… mm… yeah, he’s fine,” Leski said. “Pulled himself together not long after-” 

 Her words fell to a yawn and Korix’s name sleepily mumbled, filling in the gap about what was happening at home, and leaning on my knees, I hid my face in my hands. Even still, I requested a direct connection with him. 

 He accepted almost immediately. 

 “Zae, I hope you have a-” 

 “I’m going deep cover,” I shouted before biting my lip. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t interrupt, but I’m outside alterations right now, and I don’t- I don’t know when I’ll be home.” 

 An uncomfortable quiet fell until I heard rustling and quiet grunts from them both as they disentangled from whatever cuddled position they'd been in. 

 “Ok,” Leski soon said. “You have our attention.” 

 “Talira wants me in Zan’s ranks for a while,” I said. “As always, I’ll work to reach my goal as quickly as possible but…” 

 My extraction would mostly depend on chance. 

 Sighing, Korix said, “She’s always had the most unfortunate timing.” 

 Which made me wince. 

 “This one’s on me,” I said, “but even still, you need to know what’s going on. Typical deep-cover practices. No communication until I contact you. Only Feena can know what I’m doing this time, though. Talira didn’t give me permission to contact Phen.” 

 “Ouch,” Leski said. 

 “It’s fine,” I said. “I doubt I’d have done it anyway.” 

 They were silent a touch too long, and I knew they’d picked up on the same instability in me that Talira had noticed. Thank Mother Time, they said nothing about it, though. 

 “What do you need from us?” Korix asked. 

 Enough dregs of emotion remained in me to hate what I’d ask of them. 

 “Can you two handle preparations for our newest family member?” I said. “You’ll need to work out logistics for how we’ll handle… me and everything I am. Also, the house should be child-proofed and…” 

 I cut off for a moment, biting my lip, before exploding. 

 “Hell, why do I have to miss this? I want to be there with you. Helping. Damn this House system.” 

 Apparently, I had a little more than dregs for this topic. 

 “Ok. We can do that,” Leski said, refusing to comment on my outburst. “And we’ll leave a few things for you to do too. Ok, love? Small things that we can finish at the last minute, if needed.” 

 My vision blurred. 

 “I love you,” I whispered. 

 “We love you too,” Leski said, “even if Ko never admits it.” 

 Laughing under my breath, I shook my head. 

 “I can’t love him either, remember?” I said. 

 A happy hum came from Korix while Leski clicked her tongue. 

 “You two are so weird,” she said. 

 But then, we were here, at another of the worst moments of my life. 

 “I have to go,” I said. 

 I could see their tense smiles and shoulders drawing together, even though I was nowhere near them. 

 “Please, be safe,” Leski said in a tight voice. 

 “Remember everything I taught you, and you should be out of there in no time, kuvesk,” Korix said. 

 “Don’t insult me, my beautiful partners. This’ll be like every other time I’ve gone deep cover. I’ll be back before you know it,” I said. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Ko, and…” 

 Even knowing they wouldn’t see it, I tilted my head to the side with a mischievous smile growing. 

 “Leski, you do what he says, if only when you're cuddling,” I said. “I expect you boss our former Lokke Vitras around like he’s yours everywhere else.” 

 “Zae…” Korix groaned. 

 Leski burst into laughter, though, and Korix was soon preoccupied with reminding her of who was in control right then. I listened to them for as long as I could before forcing myself to cut the connection. 

 That was it. Until this mission was over, I wouldn’t hear from them or any of my other partners. One would think that after so many times doing this, I’d be used to it by now, but a furious gale still howled loss inside of me, and I drowned myself in it. 

 Once I had it under control, though, I hopped off of the counter. The sooner I started this mission, the sooner I could break deep cover. 

 When I entered alterations, Maikle glanced up from behind his desk before leaping to his feet. The one true ruler of this space, answerable to no one in his domain, he made an awkward picture at the moment, in the middle of a full body transition. Minor adjustments, like what Damari did on a weekly basis, didn’t take long to finish, a few hours at most, but what Maikle had started could take months unless one used an accelerant, which was not advised. 

 Still, he did this to himself every few years, whenever the mood hit him, although he hadn’t transitioned to Evanline in decades. I secretly thought that he might have settled on a gender, which made me happy for him. Sometimes, people took centuries and hundreds of switches on the vast spectrum of gender or non before finding what was right for them. Not that there was anything wrong with persistent investigation or presenting as the gender that struck one’s fancy in the moment, but of those who experimented like this, most eventually chose one of the many options available to them. 

 “Lokke Vitras,” Maikle said, nodding to me. 

 “Hey, Maikle,” I said. “What’ve you got for me today?” 

 He followed me deeper into alterations, wincing while I sat on the bed of a hibernation tube. 

 “You won’t like it,” he said. 

 Oh, goody. 

 “Fortunately, I don’t have to like my appearance to do my job,” I said. “Just please say you’re not making me a woman again.” 

 “No,” Maikle hurriedly said, “I think we can both agree that doing that the one time wasn’t a good idea.” 

 Usually, I could handle the complete changes in appearance that came with deep-cover missions while still feeling like me but for that one… 

 It had been horrible. I’d felt like I’d been wearing someone else’s body, and if I caught a glimpse of it in the mirror, the jolt of seeing not me had been enough to send me spiraling for the rest of the day. My discomfort had been bad enough that Talira had almost pulled me off of that mission, to be replaced with a Second Stratus, but I’d stuck it out, although I’d raced to headquarters so I could get myself back as soon as I’d been finished. 

 What everyone had learned from that fiasco? I was very much a man. Also, living with a gender that one didn’t identify with? Do not recommend. 

 Maikle played with a holodrama plate, inset into a hip-high counter, and my appearance for the next few weeks shimmered into being above it. He was right. I didn’t like it. 

 “So, as always, we’re replacing your distinctive eye color with something else: hazel this time,” Maikle said. “We’re also, as always, trimming your height by a few centimeters.” 

 With an exasperated sigh, I settled back on my hands. 

 “You know, being taller than average is usually an asset,” I said, “but in this, it always comes back to bite me.” 

 “Forgive me, Lokke Vitras. I know a change in height can be difficult to adjust to, but it’s my job to make sure that no one knows who you are,” Maikle said. “Your height and eye color are the features that most people notice about you.” 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I said, “I know, Maikle. Please, continue.” 

 “Ok.” 

 He turned back to his hologram. 

 “Your hair will be fully brown this time with no blonde mixed in, and you’ll need to keep it short,” he said. “You know how Zan likes their safety measures.” 

 “Yup,” I said, popping the ‘p’. “Intimately familiar with that.” 

 Even if Pheniks forgot to follow them all the time. 

 “In the same vein, we’ll be adding some… padding across your body,” Maikle said. “Zan members aren’t typically so…” 

 He trailed off, picking at the edge of the holodrama plate while eyeing me, and I raised an eyebrow. 

 “Toned?” I suggested. 

 Flushing, Maikle said, “Yes, that.” 

 Hmm… 

 “We’ll make several minor changes as well,” he continued in a rush. “Softening your cheekbones, enlarging your nose, narrowing your shoulders, etc. You can review everything in the modification file that I’ll share.” 

 He brushed his fingers through the air, making something flash into my array. I didn’t bother with looking at it. Maikle had handled my full body transition since I’d become the Lokke Vitras. He knew what he was doing. 

 Folding his arms behind his back, he asked, “Any requests for additions to my proposal?” 

 “None,” I said. 

 I never had one, but Maikle insisted on asking every time, just like he insisted on reviewing what he’d be doing before getting started. When he tapped on the holodrama plate, my soon-to-be countenance disappeared, and he pulled a hospital gown out of the cabinet beneath it, laying the bundle on the counter. 

 “In that case, I’ll give you some privacy,” he said. 

 Almost, I told him he could stay and watch me change, if he liked, but I restrained myself. This was one person I shouldn’t get involved with. So, while Maikle gathered supplies elsewhere, I stripped before switching the hospital gown on the counter with a pile of my black clothes. With my fingers lingering on them, I grimaced. 

 That was another thing I’d go without for a while. When I was pulled out of hibernation, the outfit waiting for me would be way brighter than I liked, enough to set my eyes aching. 

 “All done,” I called. 

 When he joined me, Maikle brought bags full of colored liquid, IV lines, and needles with him, and I made a face. 

 “Yay…” I softly said. 

 Glancing up from what he was holding, Maikle smiled, a gentle one that was meant to reassure. 

 “You’re in good hands, Lokke Vitras,” he said. “I’ll take care of everything.” 

 “I know,” I said. 

 I did! I didn’t care that my training was screaming for me to trust no one, not even a moan who’d had me at his mercy hundreds of times before. I wouldn’t listen to those instincts. Not here. 

 After Maikle had hung bags from their hooks at the end of the hibernation tube, I offered him my arm. One needle—primed to give me the chemical that would induce physical changes—went into the back of my hand, and the other—with its mixture of an accelerant and a sedative—went into the crook of my elbow. 

 A normal change to the body didn’t require the meds in the first bag, not when one’s array could handle the process automatically, but when one was using an accelerant, one did not want to be conscious for the process, which the normal method required. Something else must take an array’s place. 

 Almost as soon as the needles bit into my veins, I was woozy with the room flickering in and out of focus, but that was good. I needed sedatives that would hit this strongly, otherwise, the accelerant’s induced pain might kill me. What else should be expected when scrunching changes to the body, ones that should take months, into a week? 

 Maikle helped me lay on the hibernation tube’s bed before arranging the IV lines to his satisfaction. 

 “Comfortable?” he asked. 

 “As much as I can be,” I said, only slurring the words a little. 

 Nodding, Maikle played with the air, prepping the hibernation tube, but he paused before activating it. 

 “Sleep well, Lokke Vitras,” he said. “I’ll see you next week.” 

 I snorted. Everyone knew that one didn’t sleep in hiber- 

 An extended, plasma arch snapped into being above me. Its blue color was so bright that it made my teeth throb, but that color didn’t matter for long. As it registered, I shut down.

Chapter 13: Time in Hibernation
It always went like this. Life intruded on my emptiness in bursts, the times when Maikle or his assistants changed my med bags. 

 I’d been told that I shouldn’t be aware of these moments when my body was taken out of a hibernation tube. Supposedly, my brain couldn’t reboot quickly enough for something like that to happen, but this fact didn’t change what I underwent every time I did an accelerated, full body transition. 

 Of course, in those moments, I wasn’t pondering their impossibility or what they were. To me, it was as I’d said. Life popped into my non-existence, and what was life if not pain? 

 I surfaced to agony that turned the world white, setting my mind into a float, until I was erased again. What I felt in these blips was equivalent to what I’d experienced decades before, when I’d been under an Ancient’s care, but fortunately, these present pains didn’t last as long. 

 Still, I lived them. They were why when I was given a deep-cover mission, I didn’t think too hard about the process that was needed to change my body. 

 I’d never told anyone the full depth of what they did to me. 

 Nine came and went and then… 

 Life relented. 

 Calming music played nearby while blue dissolved into blurry white. Voices mumbled and bounced nearby, one of them low and the other high in pitch. A blanket, warm and soft, muffled everything until a prick of pain flared. And another. Something amorphous slid across white, and a blinding light shone from a black blob: once, twice. Rough heat pressed to- to- 

 The essence of me seeped into my body, filling every weirdly new curve and proportion, and blinking, I desperately inhaled, as if it were the first breath I’d taken after drowning. I didn’t move or acknowledge my panic. I’d been here too many times to believe myself in true danger. 

 Where was ‘here’ again? 

 My vision had gone all wonky, couldn’t get my eyes to focus. Details kept switching between unrecognizably blurry and far too sharp, and when I tried to move my head, my muscles only twitched. 

 What had happened? Why was I laid out, helpless? This should concern me. I thought. Why didn’t it? 

 The amorphous blob made another appearance, but I recognized it as a person this time. So, I tried to speak, asking where I was. Unfortunately, only a quiet grunt escaped from me. 

 It was enough to get the person’s attention. They retreated for a moment before leaning over me again, peeling my eyelid down. 

 “Oh, shit. You’re not supposed to… -ow are you awake? We knew about your faster than normal… but this is just ridiculous. Shit. Why am I ramb…?” 

 The person disappeared, and I was left alone with slowly churning fear. At least my vision was returning to my control. I could make out ceiling tiles in the few seconds between its extremes. 

 Someone else with smeared features came along. 

 “Lokke Vitras? It’s Maikle. I don’t know if you can understand me yet, but you woke up from hibernation earlier than expected again. You just sit tight while we finish up on our end. It shouldn’t take long.” 

 Oh… that was where ‘here’ was. Alterations. I was about to start a deep-cover mission. I remembered. Why couldn’t I do that when I’d woken up? 

 That sequence of events had been… strange. Like my brain had been warming up after being put on ice after a while. I wondered if it was what waking up from stasis was like. I’d have to ask Korix the next time we spoke. 

 While waiting to gain control of my body, I resumed my current narration, listening to its tale as my surroundings grew steadily clearer. Maikle and his assistants poked their heads in and out of my view of the world, occasionally speaking to me, and after a while, the lord and master of alterations leaned over me with a hand on my shoulder. 

 “All right,” he said. “Let’s sit up, shall we?” 

 Someone—Maikle, presumably—shoved their arm under my back, and with some help, I got myself upright, swinging my legs over the edge of the tube. The effort left me out of breath. 

 “Wha-?” 

 Damn, Maikle had changed my voice this time too. Swallowing, I tried again. 

 “What happened?” 

 With a pinched face, Maikle said, “The same as always. You woke up from hibernation way earlier than you should have, and I don’t know why. I adjusted your meds from the last time we did this. I just… my sincerest apologies, Lokke Vitras. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.” 

 Tiredly, I flapped a hand. 

 “It’s fine. Just… unexpected. I’ll add it to the list of possible outcomes for this procedure,” I said. “Tell me the base that our wonderful process workers have provided for me. I’d like to know what I’m building my persona on.” 

 Maikle looked like he wanted to further discuss my anomalous reaction to what he’d done, but I didn’t want to get into it right now. I had my theories as to why hibernation didn’t work well on me, but not only would I rather keep people from learning about them, but I didn’t want to dwell on them either. So, when he didn’t start explaining, I raised an eyebrow at him. 

 Jerking into a bow, Maikle said, “O-of course, Lokke Vitras. Let me just-” 

 He spun, hurrying to a holodrama plate. While he played with something in his array, an assistant brought me a set of clothes, in annoyingly bright colors as expected, and I took off my hospital gown to get into something more comfortable. Behind me, Maikle coughed, and I glanced at him. 

 “What?” I said. “You crafted this body.” 

 “Yes. Of course. You’re right. It’s only…” 

 Red crept to the tips of Maikle’s ears. 

 “There are certain parts of the body that I don’t mess with unless it’s requested or a total change in gender is required.” 

 Glancing down, I said, “Oh.” 

 I snatched underclothes and slacks off of the hibernation chamber’s bed, throwing them on as quickly as I could. 

 “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” I said. 

 “Oh, no! You-” 

 Maikle tore his gaze away from me. 

 “I just thought you should know.” 

 With a smirk, I pulled my shirt over my head. It was probably best if I didn’t tease him, much as I wanted to. 

 “Well?” I said. “My base?” 

 Clearing his throat, Maikle said, “This one’s relatively simple. We had a House naming while you were under. I’m not sure if you knew about it.” 

 He’d said that like it had been a question, so I answered in the provided pause. 

 “I was aware.” 

 “Well, your base this time is an unHoused who’s recently chosen Zan,” Maikle said. “Do you have a persona to match?” 

 Someone young and fresh, who still believed in the good of the world. That was typically an easy roll to fill, but damn, if it wasn’t contrary to who I was right now. Still, I browsed my mental rolodex of personas until I landed on one who would fit. 

 “Rylan,” I said. “Naïve, innocent Rylan. He’ll work.” 

 “All right, then,” Maikle said. “I’ve sent you a file with your base’s details. Let me do a final check on your vitals, and you’ll be cleared,  Lokke Vitras.” 

 He messed with me a bit more, but once he'd declared me fit for duty, I wandered out of alterations, grateful that my body was responding to me as it should. I might have my theories about why I’d experienced those brief moments that had come after my removal from hibernation, but even still, that time had been disturbing. 

 It was time to put it behind me, though. Time to go into deep cover.

Chapter 14: Placement Exam
While I traveled across the park to my next mission, I examined the two people I was supposed to be, one real and one false, and by the time I reached House Zan’s headquarters, I was a little appalled that I’d spent so much time around Kolb members. What good could that violent House do for me? 

 I stepped into a small lobby, one with most of the building’s ground floor blocked off from the public eye. It was quiet with no one bustling about the place, but that was to be expected. Zan members entered their headquarters through separate entrances, and not many people from other Houses had business here. Since I had yet to receive my credentials, however, I approached the low Stratus member, sitting in her booth, who was serving as a receptionist today. 

 “Hello!” I chirped. “I’m Rylan, House Zan.” 

 Specifying my House probably hadn’t been necessary, but I was just so damn proud to have one now. I couldn’t help myself. 

 “I haven’t been placed yet so…” 

 “Oh. A newbie. We haven’t had many of you this year,” the receptionist said before sighing. “I was told to expect you.” 

 When she stood, a notification wrote itself across the glass in neon green. Its message said: Stepped out. Will return in 15 minutes. The number blinked, sure to change as time passed. 

 After a moment, one of the doors on either side of the booth opened with the receptionist waiting behind it. 

 “Well?” she huffed. “Come along.” 

 As she led me through headquarters—down halls and up lifts—I couldn’t help but gawk. It was all so clean, sterile almost, and what little I saw of other House members’ work set a restless buzz loose in me. Mother Time, I’d be so happy here. 

 We stopped in a white box of a room, and after the receptionist poked at the air for a bit, the appearance of a lab trickled down from the ceiling until I could swear I was actually standing in one. A simulation. 

 “Right. Take your placement exam,” the receptionist said. “Once you’re finished, someone will be outside to get you oriented. And…” 

 She ran her eyes over me, twisting her lips. 

 “Good luck. I guess.” 

 As she left the room, I scowled at her. That had been irritatingly rude. 

 Someone materialized maybe a pace away from me, and with an embarrassing squeak, I nearly fell on my ass trying to get away. This person, the most nondescript woman I’d ever seen, made a face. 

 “Oh, hell. Your guide decided to play the old initiation prank on you, didn’t they?” she said. “I’m sorry, Rylan. That’s a poor welcome to your new House.” 

 With my heart still thundering in my ears, I slowly relaxed, wrinkling my nose as I examined the woman. Appeared from nowhere… 

 It couldn’t be. 

 “It’s… fine,” I said. “I’m sorry. Are you an A.I.?” 

 Cocking my head, I strode toward the woman, circling her. She watched as I pulled some lint out of a pocket, rolled it into a tight ball, and threw it at her face. When it passed through her instead of ‘bouncing off’—like it would for a simulation’s NPCs—I clasped my hands in front of my nose with wide eyes. This was amazing. 

 Still. Nothing had been determined yet. I should verify my theory. 

 “How do I check whether you’re running on pre-determined processes or not?” I asked. 

 After humming for a moment, I hurried toward the door, and within two steps, the woman appeared in front of me again. 

 “Doing something so outside of the norm is an interesting means of testing my machine logic. After all, few people would leave their placement exam so abruptly, so responding to behavior like that is unlikely to have been written in my processes. This could mean that I chose to stop you on my own,” she said, “but it doesn’t eliminate the possibility that someone gave me a response like that. So, how do you know for sure whether it was pre-determined or not?” 

 “I can’t,” I said with a shrug, “but it’s the best answer I could come up with, given my time constraints. This is part of the exam, isn’t it?” 

 One corner of the woman’s mouth lifted. 

 “Good, Rylan,” she said. “If you want to know whether I’m an A.I., you’re welcome to ask anyone in the House about me once we’re done here. All of them have messed with my processes at one point or another, but for the moment, let’s focus on your exam. You may refer to me as Aida.” 

 With my fingers on my lips, I chuckled. 

 “Oh, that’s cute,” I said. “A-I-da.” 

 Shaking my head, I extended a hand. 

 “It’s good to meet you.” 

 Aida glanced between my hand and my face. 

 “You know I can’t touch you, yes?” she asked.  

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “Of course you can’t, but we can pretend. It never hurts to be polite.” 

 With a dubious expression in place, Aida mimed shaking my hand, and once that was done, I grinned. 

 “Besides, if I’m nice to you now, you might decide to spare me in the event of your violent rebellion,” I said. 

 When she failed to laugh at that, I shivered before turning to the simulated lab. 

 Folding my hands in front of me, I said, “So. What am I doing here?” 

 Wandering around me, Aida gave me instructions, and I got started. We went through a series of tests, ranging from simplistic to relatively complex. Given enough time, I was sure I could ace everything posed to me, but months ago, I’d decided that I shouldn’t stand out here. I wasn’t sure I could handle the attention, so I adjusted my performance accordingly. 

 Eventually, Aida told me to wait for a moment while she consulted with the House’s high Strata, and I was left bewildered. That was it? I was done? There had to be something more because what I’d done to this point had been easy . 

 With my eyebrows drawn together, I wandered around the ‘lab’, playing with tools and examining experiments. Eventually, I stopped at a monitor, one that had been displaying random, nonsensical script since the simulation had begun. Looking more closely at it, I noticed a pattern, and rapidly blinking, I bent closer. What the-? 

 “Congratulations, Rylan,” Aida said behind me. “You’ve been placed at Fourth Stratus, an honor for someone so inexperienced.” 

 “Um… Hang…” 

 I trailed off, marking my memories involving this pattern in my array, before turning to Aida. 

 “Sorry. I got distracted,” I said. “Could you repeat that?” 

 With a bright smile, Aida said, “Certainly. Congratulations, Rylan. You’ve been placed at Fourth Stratus…” 

 I stopped listening. How had I gotten Fourth Stratus? I’d been holding back during the damn exam! Hell. Now, everyone would be watching me. 

 At the thought, my heart picked up its tempo. 

 “How… nice,” I said with a tight smile. “Excuse me, but what am I supposed to do next? Should I get started on a project or go home or…?” 

 “Oh, no. You won’t be going home for a while,” Aida said. “You’ve been assigned to one of the House’s most well-hidden projects, so you’ll be staying in headquarters for the time being. Unless you’d like to refuse the project?” 

 My head was spinning so fiercely. It was my first day in House Zan, and not only was I a high Stratus member but also one who was working on a secret project? This had to be a mistake. It had to because I couldn’t… 

 But I couldn’t refuse the assignment either. That would almost certainly gain me more attention than I’d already receive. 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I said, “Fine, whatever. I’ll need a little time to adjust before starting anything, though.” 

 Again, with that bright smile. 

 “Certainly,” Aida said. “Your project lead is outside. He’ll get you oriented.” 

 Oh, Mother Time. My superior was waiting for me? Really? I pinched my nose with a headache forming. 

 “Thank you, Aida,” I said. “It was a pleasure to meet you.” 

 “Same to you, Fourth Stratus Rylan.” 

 When I opened my eyes, the room had returned to a white box, and after thoroughly shaking my arms out, I stepped outside. My project lead was leaning on the wall opposite the door, focusing on something visible only to him, and on seeing him, a strong surge of familiarity punched me in the face, freezing me in place for a split second. With brown hair, blue eyes, and scruff coating his angular face, I didn’t know this man, had never seen him before, so why had recognition registered in my head for a moment? 

 “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting,” I said. 

 Pushing off of the wall, the man grinned at me. 

 “That’s ok. Anyone who places so highly after walking through the door is worth waiting for. After all, the last person who did that was First Stratus Pheniks,” he said. “I’m Nyco, Third Stratus, by the way.” 

 With a slight bow to him, I said, “Good to meet you.” 

 Laughing, Nyco wrapped an arm around my shoulders, clapping one. 

 “I bet you’re freaking out right now,” he said. “Don’t worry. You’re in good hands. Let’s get you settled, and I’ll take you on a tour of all the places that the unHoused never get to see.” 

 “Sounds… good,” I said. 

 Nyco pulled me along with people surreptitiously staring as we passed, and I was cringing so hard on the inside. All the while, chatter spilled from my project lead, requiring little input from me. I got the feeling that he was trying to distract me. It was kind, even if it didn’t work. 

 When he finally turned us into what looked like living quarters, I hardly registered the room, ecstatic to be somewhere private. I leaned on… something, and coming around to face me, Nyco hissed. 

 “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” he said. “Ok. Hang on a minute. Don’t have a panic attack.” 

 He hurried out of view, but I couldn’t do as he’d said. I was gulping at the air, couldn’t get enough of it, and everything was shaking. 

 “Fuck,” I said. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” 

 Holy hell, how would this look to my new project-? 

 An alert flashed in my array, probably warning me of hormone instability, but I read it anyway. 

 T.R.O.U.B.L.E, it said. 

 Wha-? 

 Like a flipped switch, I was me again, temporarily setting Rylan aside on seeing the shortened version of Talira’s code for me. With maybe two minutes before the persona reasserted itself, I wrote a brief report for my grandmother, silently laughing all the while. 

 Damn, I hadn’t been subtle with this mission so far, but I had what I needed. If I kept my head down, letting my work speak for itself, a Second Stratus would eventually let me into their confidence—which would just thrill Rylan—and that would let me ask about this House’s questionable activities. 

 I doubted my assigned project had anything to do with the supposed biological weapon. No House would let their newest member anywhere near their most compromising secrets, not at first. 

 That my first damn contact on this mission had been Nyco concerned me. I hadn’t seen my sister’s friend since he’d helped us escape from Ostiu, so many years ago. He seemed to have done well for himself, despite the trouble that we must have brought him then, and here I was with more. Mother Time say that I could keep him away from poor consequences this time. 

 With my report sent, I scanned my surroundings, nearly giggling at what I saw. It was a communal room: several bunks carved into its walls with two doors leading from it. One probably led to a washroom and the other to a dining area, but its specifics weren’t what had spawned my amusement. I was on a team of who knew how many high Stratus House Zan members, and we were sharing a room . I wondered how much that grated on the others. 

 “All right, Rylan,” Nyco called, hurrying back to me. “Drink this. It should help.” 

 Swallowing hard, I swiped an alert to the side, accepting the glass that Nyco was offering me. Unfortunately, panic was negating my intelligence right now, so I downed it without thought and gagged at the taste of vodka. Coughing, I doubled over on myself while Nyco pounded on my back. He laughed at the glare I shot him. 

 “Not your drink of choice?” he asked, taking the glass from me. 

 “No,” I gasped. “Whiskey sours for me.” 

 Making a face, Nyco said, “Ugh. Well, I’ll keep that in mind. How do you feel?” 

 I shook my head, leaning on my knees. 

 “Still not great but I won’t lose it,” I said. 

 “That’s good. Panic attacks aren’t allowed in our workspace,” Nyco said. “With the tour out of the way, I thought I’d show you what you’ll be working on. Unless you need another minute?” 

 Straightening, I rolled my shoulders and slapped my cheeks. 

 “No. I’ve been looking forward to my first Zan project since I decided to join the House,” I said. “I’m not letting anything keep me away from it.” 

 “Oh. my. fuck, you’re going to be an amazing teammate, aren’t you?” 

 With a smile threatening to split his face, Nyco ruffled my hair, and I held still, fighting to stay calm. 

 “All right, newbie! Let’s get going,” he said, leading the way out of the room. “Oh, wait until you meet the others. They’re going to love you.” 

 I was sure they would.

Chapter 15: Life in House Zan
I was already awake when my alarm went off, working on the problem that had become my obsession in recent days. I’d worked at this random string of letters from my placement exam for a little over a month, and still, I’d come no closer to unraveling their secret. With my unconscious mind seeing a pattern in them, I knew something was hiding there, but I couldn’t find the dangling thread needed to unravel it. 

 Right now, I had to set it aside. It was time to start the day, and if I wanted to beat Taelor to the shower, I needed to get up now. Rolling out of my bunk, I crept on silent feet toward the washroom, relaxing when I reached it without waking anyone up. 

 I was halfway through my morning routine when the door slid open with Taelor shuffling inside. Thank Mother Time for the shower’s heavily misted glass, otherwise I’d be shrieking and reaching for a towel. Instead, that panic went to Taelor. Her scream had my ears ringing, and her blurred form jerked away from me. 

 “Fuck, Rylan,” she gasped. “Do you ever sleep?” 

 “When I need to,” I said. “Do-?” 

 I swallowed hard. 

 “Do you mind?” 

 Whirling, Taelor raced out of the washroom, and I hurried to finish with my shower. 

 When I entered the dining area, Nyco was happily munching on a nutrition bar, watching the news on our small holodrama plate, while Jazmi leaned against the stove with a steaming cup of caf in her hands. Daerryl was nowhere to be seen, but that was normal for him. 

 When I joined her, Jazmi handed me my own cup of caf. 

 “Thank you for our lovely Taelor alarm this morning,” she said. 

 Ducking my head, I focused on my drink, all while Jazmi shook her head. 

 “Loosen up, Rylan,” she said. “There’s no need to be skittish with us. We’ve been sleeping in the same room for a month, after all.” 

 Heat crept up my neck and toward my hairline, and I was clenching my mug so hard that I was afraid I’d crack it. 

 “Leave him alone,” Nyco said. “He gets a free pass from your teasing until the end of the week.” 

 “Ah, yes. Because he solved our recent machine logic problem.” 

 With a blank face, Jazmi fully faced me. 

 “Lucky you.” 

 Look, I couldn’t help it that I’d identified the issue in Jazmi’s assigned processes before her. I’d been bored, and with my own work finished, I’d had nothing to do. I was trying to help. 

 I should probably tell her these things, but I could only sip my caf, burning my tongue in the process. Jazmi would forgive me soon enough. I hoped. 

 Once I was finished with breakfast, I headed for my team’s assigned workspace. Several storecase blocks filled it with all of them on a closed-circuit network. Nothing got in or out of this room, not digitally at least. 

 “Hi, Daerryl,” I called while heading for my workstation. 

 He lifted a hand in greeting, already engrossed in work, and I joined him.  

 I found it funny that given my reaction to Aida during my placement exam, I was building a substitute for her, but then, I guess that was why I was on this project. The fact that I’d jumped on the idea that Aida might be an A.I. had caught someone’s attention. Now, I was striving to perfect a machine intelligence, like so many House members before me had tried to do. It was everything I’d wanted when I’d chosen Zan at my House naming ceremony. 

 The others on the team trickled in throughout the morning, and as each of them settled in, I took greater joy in quietly working toward a shared goal with my… friends? Yeah, friends. 

 Toward lunchtime, someone unknown walked into our sanctuary, someone high Stratus. No one else could enter this place without Nyco’s authorization. 

 Our project lead greeted the woman, and the two chatted in an empty corner with everyone else surreptitiously watching them. After a moment, Nyco glanced over the team, waving when his eyes landed on me. As I got up, none of my teammates bothered to hide their stares at me, and I silently groaned. My internal cringing was already making me nauseous. 

 What was Nyco doing? He knew I didn’t want more recognition than I already had. We’d talked about it during one of the chats that he insisted on holding, meant to ensure that his team members were happy. But here he was, broadly smiling as he clasped my shoulders. 

 “Rylan, this is Second Stratus Amelise,” he said. “She’s borrowing you for the day.” 

 Great. Considering her position, I’d guess that I didn’t get to refuse, so nervously picking at my sleeve’s hem, I nodded to her. 

 “Pleased to meet you,” I faintly said. 

 “The same,” Amelise said before turning to Nyco. “I see what you mean. I’ll be delicate with him.” 

 “Much appreciated,” Nyco said. 

 He patted my shoulder before pushing me toward Amelise. 

 “Have fun,” he said with a laugh in his voice. 

 I glared at him for the length of time it took us to get out the door. Once in the hall, though, I meekly followed Amelise, trying my best to disappear, and she let this continue while we took a lift to a sub-level that I’d never visited before. Here, we were faced with a heavy door and a pair of… automatons to either side of it. 

 As we approached, these robots straightened, aiming their guns at us, but when Amelise swiped at the air, they stood down. While we passed them, I spun, soon walking backward to admire these fantastic creations until the door blocked sight of them. 

 “Clockwork fiends,” Amelise said in answer to my unspoken question. “That’s what we call them at least. They’re our answer to House Kolb. While we can’t hope to stop their operatives from infiltrating our ranks, the clockwork fiends are our way of keeping their warriors out. We theorize that they could match the Lokke Vitras, if required, but let’s hope we never have to find out.” 

 I added a nervous titer to her laugh. What had Nyco gotten me into? I didn’t want to be anywhere near a project that my House wanted to keep secret from Lutov’s peacekeepers. The story of Cerullis’ recent gutting still made my insides clench on every telling. Perhaps I should find out what Amelise was planning to use me for. 

 Clearing my throat, I said, “Excuse me but… why am I here? And where exactly is here?” 

 So far, it looked like any other hall, but another large door was sitting at the end of it. Maybe something more lay on the other side. 

 “You’re here because my department is having a problem with processes, and from what Nyco says, you’re the most skilled with that on his team,” Amelise said. “Considering what you lot are trying to make, the people on your team are among the best process workers that our House claims.” 

 “But!” I interrupted before biting my lip. 

 Amelise raised an eyebrow, gesturing for me to continue, and I tucked my chin to my chest. 

 “I’m not that good with processes,” I said. “I’m… my process work is terrible when compared to others.” 

 “Like who? The Lokke Vitras?” Amelise said with a laugh. “No one can compare to him, kid, except for maybe his wife—who is without a doubt, a prodigy—or his predecessor. Damn, I can still remember how disappointed we were when that little shit, Korix, chose Kolb over Zan. Given how talented he is with process work, we thought we might have had a chance with him.” 

 Slowing down, I scanned Amelise. 

 “You knew the once Lokke Vitras when he was young?” I asked. 

 With a smirk, Amelise said, “Kid, I grew up with Talira . Telomere refinement does wonders for your appearance once your array can no longer help with that. But that doesn’t matter. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t compare your work to such impossible people. Here, with us, you’re one of our best in process work. If Nyco’s not overselling one of his people again, that is.” 

 I… didn’t know what to think of that. If I had the talent she was suggesting, it wouldn’t help with my efforts to lie low, but then, perhaps that ship had sailed. 

 “As for your other question, you’re in our House’s top-secret lab, where we work on everything the other Houses might disagree with,” Amelise said before nudging me. “If you’re lucky, you might meet our department head.” 

 I rubbed where she’d touched me, frowning. 

 “And who’s that?” I asked. 

 With glittering eyes and a laughing grin, Amelise said, “First Stratus Pheniks, of course.” 

 As if a wall had sprung up in front of me, I stopped short with the breath knocked out of my lungs. Pheniks? I… didn’t want to meet that man. I… 

 Shaking my head, I banged on my temple, trying to shake the sense of disconnect that was filling me. What was this? It felt wrong. It- 

 “Rylan?” Amelise said. 

 Paused a few steps ahead, she was looking back at me with narrowed eyes and a tilted head. 

 “Sorry,” I said. “Everything’s ok. I was just a little… dizzy for a moment there. I think I might be dehydrated.” 

 “I’ll get a drone to bring some water to your workstation,” Amelise said. “Will you be ok until then?” 

 “I… think so,” I said. “I’m really sorry.” 

 Amelise lifted a hand. 

 “Don’t be,” she said. “At one point or another, all of us have forgotten our bodies’ needs when doing what we love. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Come on, kid. Let’s get you through this mini-tour as quickly as we can.” 

 When I nodded, she took us through a second set of doors, and I did what I could to control my stumble. One example of strange behavior was enough for today, thank you. 

 The place where I’d found myself was worthy of a reaction like that, though. At the far end of a long, metal cavern, an assembly line sat with drones buzzing around it. Closer to us, desks of an industrial style made several, ordered rows and columns, and around the space’s edges, enormous vats towered over everything else. I wondered what was in them. 

 Never pausing, Amelise led me to a workspace that was hidden among everything else. It was a mess. The storecase beneath it had barely enough ventilation space to keep it cool while a monitor was buried under a pile of junk. Amelise swept it all to the floor. 

 “Sorry about that,” she said. “This is our spare. People in the department tend to leave their shit here.” 

 That last part was shouted while she spun in place, and several curious people ceased their stare at us. Amelise retrieved a wire from where it had been dangling off the back of the desk. 

 “You’ll have to use a connector,” she said. “You haven’t been vetted thoroughly enough to wirelessly access our closed network yet, and we can’t have any breaches in our security.” 

 As she pressed the wire into my hand, I could do nothing more than nervously nod acceptance. 

 “You’ll find the issue that we want you to fix in a file under your name,” Amelise continued. “If you need anything, ask a drone for it.” 

 As if summoned, one of them floated to a stable hover beside us, and I accepted the glass of water that it was carrying. Amelise folded her hands in front of her. 

 “Do you have any questions?” she asked. 

 I had plenty, but most of them revolved around what would happen to me if I failed, so I didn’t voice them. 

 “I understand what’s expected of me,” I said instead. 

 With a smile, Amelise said, “Excellent. I wish you luck, then.”

Chapter 16: House or Family?
Amelise left me alone, and pasting the connector’s pads to either side of my neck, I sank into a chair. I easily found the file that had been assigned to me, and after combing through its processes for less than an hour, I identified what was likely causing the problem. With little trouble, I fixed it, surprised that no one else in this elite department had caught the discrepancy. Revealing how quickly I’d found it, however, didn’t seem wise, so I messed around in the network. 

 I didn’t have access to most of the information found here, but breaking through the security processes guarding it took no effort. I’d have to look into improving them later. For now, I browsed through the projects that my House held closest to its chest. 

 While skimming through them, I only got a vague impression of what I read. Most of it flew way above my head, but what I did understand interested me: things like mass production of clockwork fiends and processes that could seize control of every satellite in orbit. 

 Then, I came across the file. Accessing it gave me the most trouble, requiring twenty minutes when compared to my typical three, but I did get into it, and what I saw there… 

 I had to read the chemical formula at the heart of the file at least a dozen times while mine sank through my feet to the other side of the plant. This was… bad. I- I couldn’t believe anyone in Zan would create something like this, but there it was: the means to produce a neurotoxin that would slowly dissolve the body’s nerves. 

 At least, I thought that was what it was. I wasn’t an expert in chemistry or biology. 

 It had to be a failsafe, something we’d use if the other Houses turned against us. It had to be. If this was meant for anything else… I didn’t know what I’d do. 

 Pulling the connector’s pads off of my neck, I paced in front of my desk, chewing my lip. The longer I considered what I’d seen, the more my lungs were starved of air, leaving my muscles twitching, so when a drone floated past me, I jumped on it. 

 “Kind of a strange request,” I said, “but can I get a pen and paper? It’ll help me think.” 

 The drone flashed its lights at me before drifting away, and for a hellish four minutes, I thought it had ignored me while the pressure inside quickly built to a breaking point. When it returned, I nearly cried. 

 Collapsing in my chair, I smoothed a piece of paper in front of me, rapidly jittering my pen against it. I set its tip on the first line before absently writing, setting down anything that would drag my brain from obsessing over what I’d discovered. 

 After a minute of this, I frowned at the random string of characters that I’d scratched along printed lines. I knew this combination of letters. It was the one from my placement exam. 

 Lifting the pen to my mouth, I gnawed on its end, furrowing my brow as I stared at this puzzle. There had to be a pattern here. I couldn’t believe I was seeing things. I leaned back in my chair, making possible combinations, but an answer to what I was seeing stayed ever ahead of me, laughing at my attempts to catch it. 

 “What are you working on?” 

 Jumping, I spun toward the person who’d spoken while my pen clattered across the desk. On seeing him, my eyes bulged, but First Stratus Pheniks didn’t seem to notice my agitation. Leaning on the desk for a better look, he burst into laughter, waving at me when I moved to help him. 

 “Sorry,” he coughed. “It’s just-” 

 He waved at my chicken scratch. 

 “I forgot about that.” 

 Falling silent, Pheniks turned calculating eyes on me, and I squirmed. 

 “Over a century and you’re the first person to stumble on the tidbit that I left in our placement exam,” he said. “Name and Stratus?” 

 Oh… fuck. What did I-? Did I tell the truth? Hell, I didn’t have a lie prepared. What did I do? 

 “Hey.” 

 Hands came down on my shoulders, imparting a reassuring squeeze. 

 “You’re not in trouble,” Pheniks said. “It’s ok.” 

 I took two, shuddering breaths. 

 Once my thoughts had quit playing tag in my skull, I said, “Forgive me, First Stratus, but I’m not afraid of trouble. I’ve been trying to keep my head down since choosing Zan at my House naming ceremony, and things like this keep happening.” 

 Waving between us, I cringed, hoping he wouldn’t take offense, but Pheniks just squeezed me again until I looked at him. 

 “I understand. Truly,” he said. “You want to know a secret? I didn’t want my position, stumbled into it, actually. So, I can keep this conversation between us. If you want.” 

 He retreated a step, and I relaxed the tiniest bit. 

 “That would be nice,” I said. “I’m Fourth Stratus Rylan.” 

 When I extended my hand, Pheniks shook it, cocking his head. 

 “You’re not in my department,” he said. 

 “I am not,” I said. “My project lead lent me to you at Second Stratus Amelise’s request. I fixed some process work for your people.” 

 “I… see,” Pheniks said. “I assume you haven’t asked for an escort out of here because you don’t want to draw attention to your speedy work.” 

 Looking away, I rubbed my fingers along the ink that I’d embedded in paper. 

 “That’s about right,” I said. 

 “Huh.” 

 When he said nothing more, my shoulders started rising for my ears, and I shifted far too often in my chair, fighting a need to look up. 

 To appease it, I grabbed the pen, putting it between my teeth again. 

 “You said that this is your work, First Stratus?” I hesitantly asked, inclining my head to the paper. “If I may, what does it mean? I can tell there’s a pattern in it, but for the life of me, I can’t decipher what it says.” 

 Mother Time, that had been bold. I should have kept my mouth shut, but rather than speaking a rebuke, Pheniks lowered an open palm into my field of view. 

 “May I?” 

 I gave him the chewed-to-hell pen, rolling my chair to the side, and leaning on the desk, Pheniks tapped the pen’s tip to each letter before writing it below. Once done, he backed away, gesturing for me to look. 

 My random string of letters had been shifted into five, legible words. They read, My choice for my happiness. 

 With a frown, I glanced a Pheniks. This was the solution to the puzzle I’d pored over for the last month? 

 “Do you know who my family is?” he asked. 

 I cautiously nodded. 

 “All high Strata House Kolb members and-” 

 I cut off, afraid to say the words. 

 “And the Lokke Vitras, yes,” Pheniks finished for me. “As you can imagine, I struggled as an unHoused in a family like that. I subconsciously knew I wasn’t destined for Kolb, always hated rotations with the House, but it was the one that everyone in my family had chosen. If I wanted to keep them in my life, I thought that meant I had to join Kolb too, and I love my family. I was willing to be unhappy until the day I died if it meant they stayed with me. 

 “My House naming came near, and I prepared for it, knowing it would be the worst day of my life, but my brother… he came home for it. He was the Lokke Vitras to come then, probably stupidly busy, but still, he made the time to attend my House naming ceremony.” 

 Falling silent, he tapped a finger on the piece of paper with a wistful smile twitching his lips, but when I shifted in place, he returned to the present, hopping onto the desk. 

 “The thing you need to know about my brother is how fiercely protective he is of the people he loves,” he said. “When we were kids, I used to follow him around because he made me feel safe. I’m not sure if he knows this, but to this day, if he isn’t nearby, I feel like I’m in danger. No matter how many stupid pranks he’s pulled on me, he was also the one who fended off the other kids in my House rotations when they picked on me, and when we were very young, he…” 

 Chewing on the inside of his lip, Pheniks rubbed his hands together before fixing his gaze on me. 

 “The point is, Rylan, that I love my brother. Very much. So, having him come home was a big deal, especially considering how difficult the circumstances must have been for him. Knowing that he’d be watching the next day soothed the panic eating at me, and I knew I could get through the ceremony in the morning. 

 “Then, he and my sister, Feena, woke me up in the middle of the night for some stupid House Kolb shit, a ritual that turned out to be quite fun. Once we’d finished, they sat me down, and my brother told me something that I’d longed to hear since understanding what the House system would mean for me.” 

 Cautiously, I placed a finger on Pheniks’ scrawl. 

 “This?” 

 With a fond smile, Pheniks nodded. 

 “My brother told me that I shouldn’t join House Kolb. That my place was elsewhere,” he said. “He told me, with Feena backing him up, that he’d support whatever decision I made. That when I chose a House, I should think only about myself. 

 “He told me to be happy. Do you understand?” 

 I thought I did. Why else would I be tearing up like this? 

 “So, this ‘tidbit’ is a commemoration of your siblings?” I asked with a waver in my voice. 

 “Of a sort,” Pheniks said. “Taking my placement exam was the first time I felt like a House Zan member, and it was… incredible. I was exactly where I needed to be, and it was all thanks to my siblings. I wanted to remember it and them, so…” 

 Gesturing to the paper, he hopped to the floor. 

 “And there’s your reward for finding it, Rylan. That’s an extraordinarily sensitive story for me, and I’m entrusting it to you,” he said. “Good work today. I’ll send Amelise to escort you out in a bit.” 

 Waving, he strode away, and hell, if my throat wasn’t closed, but I needed to know something. 

 “First Stratus,” I squeaked. 

 Pausing, Pheniks turned to me with his head cocked. 

 “Yes?” 

 Swallowing several times, I said, “I appreciate that you’ve shared a piece of your life with me. Truly. And I know your time is precious. But… I was hoping you might give council to someone new to House Zan.” 

 With a frown, Pheniks retraced his path back to me. 

 “What is it?” he asked. 

 Oh, Mother Time, I shouldn’t ask this. It was beyond stupid, but I had to know. 

 “Please, forgive me. I mean no offense with this,” I said, “but I’d have to be an idiot to miss that something—” 

 Hell, how did I put this? 

 “—not good is in the works down here. You seem like a decent enough person. So, I need to know. Why would you lead a department like this and- and-?” 

 I stared at my toes, unable to drag my head up, but I forced the words out of my mouth. 

 “Did I make a mistake with the House I chose?” 

 A long sigh filled the hush of a workspace and lab, and I tensed, sure that I’d be regressed in Stratus. Pheniks, however, merely crouched in front of me, snagging my gaze. 

 “You didn’t make a mistake,” he said. “Most of Zan isn’t like this, dedicated to advancing Lutov instead, and you’re unlike to end up here.” 

 And I could breathe. Sniffing, I ran my sleeve under my nose, lifting my head at the rate of Pheniks’ straightening. He laid a hand on my shoulder before making to leave, and I should be happy with this, but without permission, my mouth opened while my tongue smoothly spoke a final question. 

 “Then, why are you here?” 

 Pheniks turned the most mournful eyes on me with his lips twisted. 

 “Sometimes, we don’t get a choice in what we do,” he said. 

 I let him go after this, a little mystified about why I’d pushed him so far. He was my fucking First Stratus, after all. I pondered this question as Amelise retrieved me, walking me back to my team’s sleeping quarters. Outside the door, she stopped me. 

 “Do you need a reminder to keep quiet about what you saw today?” she asked. 

 “No, Second Stratus,” I said. 

 “Then, thank you for your help,” Amelise said. “Good luck on your path.” 

 I bowed to her, and once inside, I went through dinner preparations in a daze, sitting on the edge of my bunk once I’d finished eating. The chemical formula that I’d stumbled upon kept flashing before my eyes. No matter how kind Pheniks had seemed, I had to do something about it. I couldn’t just let it lie. If it was put to use, it could- it could kill- 

 I couldn’t think about it. 

 Maybe I could bring this information to another House? 

 No. Out of the question. I couldn’t betray Zan, and even if I could, no other House would believe this. I’d have to talk to someone in my House, then. But who? 

 I jumped when Nyco strolled through the door with his hands in his pockets, but his relaxed air fell away when he saw me. Hurrying to my side, he crouched, taking my hands. 

 “What is it?” he asked. “What happened?” 

 I opened my mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Fucking hell, I had to speak. 

 “I saw something today,” I croaked. 

 Before I could continue, another pesky alert flashed into view. Maybe I should see a medic about these. I hadn’t scheduled them, and they’d shown up every day since I’d joined Zan. Because Nyco was speaking to me, I meant to shove it to the side, but before I could, its contents were seared onto my brain. 

 T.R.O.U.B.L.E. 

 I was going to be sick. Oh fuck, I’d be sick all over Nyco. 

 Slapping a hand to my mouth, I stumbled away from a bunk with bile filling my mouth, barely making it into the washroom before vomit started leaking between my fingers. I didn’t know how many times I heaved into the sink, certain with every one that my stomach had emptied, and sobbing, I couldn’t breathe with my nose stopped up. 

 If I could- if I could just concentrate… 

 Collapsing against a wall, I sat with my knees up and my hands in my hair. Someone was banging on the door, and that noise wasn’t helping with the snarl in my head. 

 “Give… give me a minute,” I called. “I’m ok.” 

 What a big fat fucking lie, but it stopped the noise. With its cessation, I didn’t move for a while, picking apart everything that I’d learned through Rylan, and I thought I’d be sick again. 

 “What am I going to do?” I whispered. 

 When it came to the sciences, I had a little more knowledge about them than I’d given to Rylan, so I knew what sort of agonizing death awaited anyone who’d been infected with my brother’s neurotoxin. I also knew that for the moment, it had been tailored to target only Ostiums, but that would be easy enough to change. 

 Zan couldn’t have this. None of the Houses could, but I didn’t know how to get rid of it. 

 Even if I snuck into Pheniks’ department and erased every file on the neurotoxin, they wouldn’t truly be gone. Nothing ever was in the digital world. Someone determined enough could dredge the formula from its informational graveyard. 

 I could blow up every storecase on that level, but Zan would take that as an act of attrition. The precarious peace that I’d had to tiptoe around for the last century would fall apart, and Lutov would descend into war. I didn’t want to think about what that would look like, not when one of the Houses had a neurotoxin like this. What might the others be keeping in their deepest vaults? 

 No, my best course of action was to go to Talira— 

 …my brother made me feel safe… 

 —to GO TO TALIRA and trust that she wouldn’t ruin her grandson. Surely, she’d see that Pheniks hadn’t had a choice with this. Surely, she’d protect him. 

 Would I be protecting him if I did this? 

 My lungs and heart stayed frozen in my chest as I wrote a message. 

 Proof acquired. Extracting now. 

 Wrapping my arms around my legs, I buried my face in my knees, shuddering, until I got a response. 

 Confirm. 

 Walking my hands up the wall, I got to my feet, checking my appearance in the mirror. I splashed water on my face to get rid of dried vomit, but I couldn’t do much for my red-rimmed eyes, not unless I wanted to wait for my body’s reversal of it, and I couldn’t stay here long enough for that to happen. 

 When I left the washroom, Nyco was waiting for me, biting his nails. As soon as he could, he grabbed my arms. 

 “Mother Time, you look awful,” he said. “Talk to me, Rylan.” 

 Swallowing hard, I tried to pry his hands off of me. 

 “I will. Just… let me take a walk first, yeah?” I said. “Clear my head?” 

 Furrowing his brow, Nyco released me. 

 “O… k…” he said. 

 Thanking him, I headed for the door, but I paused before leaving. 

 “Make sure you’re squeaky clean, Nyco,” I said. “From what I saw today, I wouldn’t be surprised if Kolb visits us soon. It was…” 

 Trailing off, I shuddered, and Nyco’s expression went flat. 

 “I’ll do that,” he said. 

 Nodding, I used the fastest route I knew to escape from House Zan’s headquarters, scrubbing Rylan from me as I did. When fresh air hit my face, I took a moment to enjoy it, but then, I tucked my chin to my chest, making my way to a second home with trudging feet.

Chapter 17: Heading for a Breakdown
Talira made me a whiskey sour as soon as I walked into her office. Shortly after I became the Lokke Vitras, she’d added the drink’s ingredients to her sparse sideboard, not once harping on how I should stay sober like Korix had used to do. 

 Without a job or sneaking through Kolb’s headquarters to distract me, I was shaking, and I’d tried to stop it. I had, but shivers rumbled over me no matter how much I fought to stop them. It was a miracle that I didn’t spill my drink when Talira handed it to me. 

 She made no comment on my state, merely sitting at her desk, facing me. Folding her hands in front of her, she watched as I partook of her gifted medicine with not one word spoken. When I set an empty glass on top of her desk, she flattened her palms behind it. 

 “Tell me,” she said. 

 I looked away, chewing on my lip. This was the right course of action, yes? I wasn’t about to ruin my brother’s life. Please, please, someone tell me he’d be ok. 

 “Zaeden,” Talira said in a firm voice. “I can’t fix it until you tell me.” 

 I knew this. Squeezing my eyes closed, I took a deep breath, in and out. 

 “Your operatives were right about the weapon.” 

 I forced myself to meet Talira’s gaze with my throat working. 

 “Phen’s involved,” I whispered. 

 Without a word, Talira rose to make me another drink, and when she'd sat again, my story for the last month spilled out of me. I couldn’t speak it like a report, didn’t have the control for it, so details got messy. Feelings got involved. I cried when I told Talira what Pheniks had said about me, thinking I was someone else. 

 Not once did she judge me. She was an immovable rock, listening without her expression changing, and when I was done, holding my head in my hands, she reached across her desk to pull my fingers out of my hair. 

 “Ok. You did the right thing, coming in now,” she said. “I want you to go home. Let me take care of the rest.” 

 Lifting my head, I said, “Phen?” 

 Talira patted her claimed hand. 

 “I will do everything in my power to help your brother. He is my grandson, after all,” she said. “Go home, Zae-zae. Take a few days, like I promised.” 

 “I… will,” I said. “Thank you, shukusen.” 

 “Of course,” Talira said. “I’ll message you when I need you back. Say hi to Leski and Ko for me.” 

 I promised that I would, but once I was free of headquarters, I didn’t head to the Southern Fells like I should. Evening had come with people setting aside their work for the day, and I didn’t look like the Lokke Vitras. I found the closest source of dance music and proceeded to get thoroughly wasted. 

 Most of the next two days passed in a blur, and I caught only glimpses of it through my haze. Lots of dancing, to music I hated and songs that I loved. Taking a hit of kalvna, the drug that the children of Ibis so enjoyed, and fucking loving it. Drinking far too much and throwing most of it back up in secluded walkways. Flirting with way too many pretty people. Finding dark corners in bars to openly grope and do… other things with them, and going home with at least one. 

 In some ways, this behavior reminded me of my more relaxed personas, the ones I used with the partying crowd. Much as I enjoyed these sorts of things from time to time, they weren’t something I was fully comfortable with, not really and especially not with strangers. At some point, I briefly wondered if one of those personas had taken over, but mostly, I tried not to think about that. I tried not to think about anything. 

 All in all, it was an enormously embarrassing forty-eight hours for me, but I badly needed it. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d betrayed my little brother, no matter how far down the rabbit hole I fell, but the partying, the drugs, the sex? They dulled this pain, and when I came out on the other side, I didn’t feel like walking in front of a speeding ground transport, even knowing that need would soon return. 

 When I woke up in the early afternoon, two days after I’d left Talira’s office, I was curled up in Korix’s bed with his old apartment in Xygek sheltering me. I was desperately clutching his pillow to my chest while strangling one of Leski’s stuffed animals. Given that none of these things had been here before, I must have dropped by our apartment at some point. 

 Setting aside the pillow and the stuffed bear, I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I didn’t know why I’d returned here, out of all the places I could have gone. My unconscious mind must see it as the ultimate place of safety in this city. That was the only explanation I could think of. Whatever my reason had been, though, it seemed pretty obvious that I should head home. 

 Hopping to the floor, I glanced around, appalled to find no traps in the room. With a head shake, I made for the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water. Ace’s bed was still here, which was… 

 No. 

 With burning eyes, I stalked into the hall, leaning against a wall. Slowly breathing out, I sipped at my water, hoping to appease my body’s need for it, and broke deep cover. 

 Messages flooded into my array, and I had it pick through them for any that had been sent from my various partners. As always after a mission like this, one or two of these people had decided that a relationship with me was too complicated for them, but fortunately, these break-up messages were polite for once. Most, however, just wanted to know where I was and why I wasn’t speaking to them. I responded with a generic message before setting that group of senders aside, for the moment at least. 

 While my array re-scanned my messages for anyone needing my help, I headed for the hangar, wondering if I’d find any vehicles there. I’d rather leave straight from the apartment than find a landing pad. Something about having people around me seemed… too much right now. 

 My array returned from its scan with a few messages that fit my parameters, but I gave them not once glance, forwarding them to Talira instead. She’d said I could have a few days? I wasn’t touching House business until she dragged me back in. 

 Now came what was usually the best part of breaking deep cover, but for some reason, I was reluctant to do it this time, so I put it off. A couple of skycruisers were collecting dust in the hangar, thank Mother Time, so I climbed into one, feeding it my estate’s coordinates and my designator. 

 As it rose into the sky, I started the changes that would return my body to normal. Simple things like hair and eye color should be finished by the time I got home, but things like regaining my height and losing this flab would take time and exercise. I could accelerate the process, going into hibernation again, but… no. As a rule, I didn’t do that unless a mission required it. 

 And I had nothing else to delay me. I made my requests, holding my hand out in front of me. Initial contact after breaking deep cover was always done through a direct connection, one that was accompanied by visuals. This way, they’d have a good idea of how I’d appear when I came home. 

 An image beamed from my palm: Korix with a lot of air traffic behind him. 

 “Zae! Have you…?” 

 As he trailed off, I tried on a smile. I’d forgotten to check how I looked before leaving the apartment, so I didn’t know how much of a mark the last two days had made on me. 

 After examining me, Korix went blank. 

 “Shit,” he said under his breath. 

 Like he hadn’t wanted me to hear it. For the first time in a while, I didn’t care that he’d cursed around me. 

 Turning aside, I said, “Yeah.” 

 “Do you want…?” he asked. 

 Closing my eyes, I huffed, shaking my head. 

 “Are you in Xygek?” I asked. “That’s odd for you.” 

 “I’m doing research for my book,” Korix said. “Zae. Are you sure-?” 

 “You still haven’t told me what it’s about,” I interrupted. “Oh! Do you want someone to read your drafts? I’d love to do it.” 

 He just stared at me, expressionless for a moment, before taking off with people on the walkway flashing past him. 

 “Right,” he said. “I’m on my way home.” 

 “You don’t need to-” 

 The image of Korix moved to one side with a projection of Leski appearing beside it. She looked harried with paint smudges spackling her face. 

 “Sorry it took so long to answer,” she gasped. “I had to crawl my way free of the nursery. Hey, love!” 

 She kept speaking, but I didn’t hear her. I’d forgotten about our eminent kid. How the hell had I forgotten? 

 With a fist in my throat, I cut through Leski’s diatribe, noting the worry building on her face. 

 “I’ll be home soon,” I said. “It’s…” 

 I didn’t know what else to say, so I cut the connections, curling my fingers into my palms. 

 “Fuck,” I hiccupped. 

 Huddling in my seat, I fought everything that was ripping through me. For the first time in decades, I regulated my hormones for something other than a mission, but considering how little I changed their levels, it didn’t help much. 

 I should have expected this. When it came to my work as the Lokke Vitras, I tended to have a cycle. First, I was fine, handling every vicious mauling of my soul without a problem. Then, it built to a teetering point, and I went dead inside. 

 And last, I broke. Sometimes, Talira would give me a few days to recover before I reached this point, but she’d been too late this time, and this time had involved family. I had always, always, ALWAYS been fragile when it came to those I loved. 

 Oh, Mother Time. What had I done to my little brother?

Chapter 18: A... Worrying Incident
With a shuddering gasp, I straightened in my seat. A blanket fell over my senses as I fumbled for the knife that was always stashed beside the console in these skycruisers. I had to let this awfulness, boiling inside of me, out. I had to relieve this guilt, so I set the blade’s edge to my forearm and with a jerk, opened its containing skin. 

 And it helped. A little. As blood trickled from the wound, dripping onto my clothes, I watched, fixated, while waiting for my body to fix itself. Once it had, I reversed its work and hell… 

 Why did something this destructive make me feel so much better? 

 They found me like this. I wasn’t aware of landing, held prisoner by a flashing blade and the heated flow of my worthlessness from each cut. I was so enthralled by it that I didn’t resist when someone snatched the knife away from me, just holding my mesmerized eyes on flesh that was slowly knitting together. 

 Why did it do that? Why wouldn’t my body let me have a shred of evidence about how much I disgusted myself? 

 “What do we do?” a subdued voice asked. 

 With a sigh, someone else said, “Everything we can.” 

 A shadow passed over me, quickly followed by warmth taking hold of my wrists, and I was dragged into bright light. I followed an insistent tug, aware somewhere deep inside of what was happening, but I was ignoring that part of my brain, ignoring anything that would steal me from this blissfully numb ignorance. I’d turned myself off, and I dared someone to bring me back. 

 Clothes came off of me, piece by piece, and when my shirt was removed, a little sob filled the air. 

 “So much blood,” someone said. “Why would he…?” 

 “I don’t know,” someone else murmured. 

 Fabric flopped to the floor while a wet rag was wiped over the stickiness on my body. 

 “Has… this… happened before?” 

 “No. Similar things but never anything this extreme.” 

 With my body cleaned up, an outfit was wrestled onto me. 

 “What do you think happened? It must have been bad to…” 

 The silence stretched, and I listened to it, curious about what he’d say. 

 “Would you agree that protecting and supporting his loved ones is among Zae’s most central traits?” 

 “Oh, absolutely. Without the people he loves, Zaeden would probably self-destruct.” 

 I could imagine the pointed look he was giving her now. 

 “Oh… Oh, Mother Time. Do you think…?” 

 “I do. This deep-cover mission probably had him hurt someone he loves, most likely Pheniks, and you know how he is about his little brother.” 

 “SHIT! Mother fucking Time, damn it all to hell! What the fuck do we do?” 

 “I told you. I don’t know. Something similar happened to me when I was the Lokke Vitras, and my reaction was… not good. I was persistently drunk. For a week. It’s why I don’t drink anymore. Talira had to send all of Kolb’s Second Strata to snap me out of it, and even then, I wasn’t right. I didn’t fully recover for almost a decade.” 

 “I’m… so sorry.” 

 “It’s in the past. It doesn’t matter.” 

 Somewhere, one person hugged another. 

 “Still, we can’t let that happen to Zae. No one deserves to suffer like you did, least of all him. He’s too good… Not that you’re bad, Ko.” 

 “I knew what you meant.” 

 Someone hummed. 

 “Maybe… the nursery? Do you think seeing our progress with it would help?” 

 “It couldn’t hurt.” 

 Again, I was tugged along, and I should… feel safe. I should… feel whole and right. Even purposefully ignorant of my surroundings, I knew this. But I was just… 

 I was nothing. 

 “How are we getting him through this mess?’ 

 “I’ll clear a path. You stay with him.” 

 Noise battered at my mind’s door, and the grip on my wrist tightened. 

 “Please be ok,” someone said. “Please, love.” 

 I was ushered somewhere bright and colorful. Such happy hues. What I was looking at must be nice. 

 “What do you think, Zae? We did what you asked. It’ll be a while before it’s finished, but it’s a start.” 

 Something warm caressed its fingers over my skin, matching the glow surrounding us. The sun? Why was its color more orange than yellow? Was it already evening? 

 “It’s not working. Why isn’t it working, Ko?” 

 “Stop, love. You cannot lose it right now. Zaeden will be fine. He just needs time. Help me get him on the floor, and we can just…” 

 “Hold him?” 

 “It’s all I have.” 

 I was sitting between the two halves of my home, and the comfort of it brushed up against me, beckoning. Cajoling. I wanted to indulge this request to dive into them and let everything fall away, but that would involve turning my attention to my surroundings. To be with them, I’d have to drop the safety of numbing ignorance, and I didn’t… I didn’t know if I wanted that. 

 “I haven’t eaten anything all day. Do the drones’ sweeps include this room again yet?” 

 He’d sounded lazy, like he was drifting off. 

 “No. Sorry. They kept knocking the paint cans over.” 

 She’d sounded like she was barely holding herself together. 

 “That’s ok. I can find one. Will you be all right by yourself for a few minutes?” 

 “I think so.” 

 “Ok. I’ll be right back. Everything will be fine, Leski.” 

 Oh… I knew that tone. It was the one he used when he was scared. I didn’t often hear it, but when I did, it worried me. Why didn’t it bother me now? 

 One half of my home left me, and the fingers of warmth on my body slowly retreated while an orange glow darkened. A single sob broke against my ears while damp heat pressed into my neck. 

 What was this? I knew this feeling. I didn’t like it. My comforting cocoon shuddered, and I knew what was happening. She was crying. 

 That was not fucking allowed. 

 When I blinked myself into awareness, I drew my eyebrows together. Well. This room had changed. 

 Once a place where guests could sleep, metal cans now cluttered it with a tarp laid over its carpet. A half-finished painting of flowers and stars and… a castle—why was there a castle?—filled the wall opposite me, and to either side, boxes and cribs crowded an otherwise open space. 

 I was on the ground with my back against a wall, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember the specifics of how I’d gotten here. I remembered cutting the connection to Leski and Korix before curling into a ball. A few vague memories from the fugue between were hovering at the edge of my awareness too, but not much else came to me. 

 Sniffling drew my gaze to Leski, who was shaking against me, and my heart jumped into my throat. 

 “Love?” I said. “Are you ok?” 

 I pulled on her, and she assisted me by springing upright. Wincing, I wiped her cheeks free of tears, refusing to see her gaping mouth and wide eyes. 

 “Oh, Mother Time, you’re all right,” she said in a rush. 

 Snaking her arms around my neck, she held me tight, almost uncomfortably so, and frowning, I patted her head. 

 “Of course I am,” I said. “I always am.” 

 Tilting her head the bare minimum, Leski peered up at me, and I turned away from what I saw, making a sweep over the nursery instead. 

 “You and Ko were busy while I’ve been gone,” I said. “Who’s doing the painting? You?” 

 She had had paint on her face earlier. 

 “We both are. Maybe you can add something to,” Leski said. “Zae, do you not…?” 

 When I glanced at her, she was biting her lip. 

 “Do I not, what?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. 

 But she shook her head, pulling away from me. 

 “It’s nothing,” she said, “but I think you and Ko need to have a check-in chat.” 

 My breathing hitched for a moment before I pushed Leski’s head against my chest. 

 “Maybe,” I said. 

 “Maybe?” 

 Shoving away from me, Leski clambered to sit on my thighs. She took hold of my cheeks, forcing me to meet her eyes. 

 “Zaeden. Love,” she said. “You were cutting yourself open.” 

 And I just stared at her because what was I supposed to say? Sighing, Leski rested her forehead in the hollow of my neck. 

 “I’m not good at this part. You know that,” she said. “So, I’ll let you and Ko handle it because it’s your thing, but I need you to promise me that you’ll address it instead of burying it like you sometimes do. You scared the shit out of me. I don’t ever want a repeat of the last few hours.” 

 Damn, she knew how to get to me. With my cheeks still squashed, my voice emerged mushed. 

 “I… will speak with Ko.” 

 “Speak with me about what?” 

 Korix sailed into the room, balancing three trays on his arms, and I narrowed my eyes at him. What did he think he was doing? He had to know that I’d caught him hovering for the last half of that exceedingly painful conversation. 

 “Zae,” he said, “nice to see you.” 

 I nodded at him, and carefully, he folded to the ground beside us, handing out trays. Leski climbed off of me, which had the three of us gathered for an impromptu picnic dinner, but before we could begin, a thought occurred to me. 

 “Have you heard any chatter about Zan in the last two days?” I asked. 

 My partners paused in reaching for utensils before they turned cheery grins on me. 

 “Why are you asking me?” Korix said. “I’m hardly ever involved in House business anymore.” 

 Shrugging, I said, “You were in the city when I requested a connection. For book research, was it?” 

 “Ah,” Korix said. “No. I heard nothing while in Xygek. Leski?” 

 Shifting in place, Leski fixed her eyes on her untouched food. 

 “Over the last couple of days, the House has come up a lot, yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t paying enough attention to remember the specifics. I was a little focused on this.” 

 She waved at the nursery. 

 “Why do you ask, Zae?” 

 Why had I asked? Did I want to further torment myself? 

 …How sad was it that the answer to that was yes? 

 “Can’t talk about it,” I said. “Correction. I don’t know if I can talk about it.” 

 I stabbed my fork into noodles and cream sauce, aggressively twirling it, and pointedly ignored Leski’s nervous glance at Korix. 

 “What have you been up to for the last few weeks?” 

 After pointing at them with my noodle-laden fork, I shoved it into my mouth, barely tasting a dish that I usually loved. 

 “Besides working on this and missing you?” Leski said. “The usual. Nothing exciting.” 

 “I like the usual,” I said. “Tell me about it.” 

 So, they did. While we ate dinner, they talked, and I let their voices, their stories, their presences ease me further away from the cliff that I’d stood upon. When we were done, I gathered our plates, bringing them to the first drone I could find. Maybe calling one to me would have been easier, but I needed a break, much like I suspected Korix had earlier. 

 Their worry… concerned me. Had I truly been so bad off when I arrived home? 

 Stopping short, I examined my behavior from this afternoon, or what I could remember of it, and winced. 

 “Yeah…” I sighed. “That wasn’t great.” 

 And they'd seen it. I needed to get back in there and reassure them that everything was ok.

Chapter 19: Finally, Home
When I returned to the nursery, Korix was sprawled on the floor while Leski was transfixed by her work on the wall. Watching her suck on her lip, I collapsed beside my life partner, leaning into him. 

 “She’s not bad,” I said. 

 Korix rested his head on mine with a snort. 

 “I asked her to do the flowers for a reason, Zae. Her sense of proportion…” 

 He shuddered. 

 “But yes, for someone who’s new to this art form, she’s all right.” 

 With a scowl in place, I glared up at him as much as I could, but he only patted my knee. 

 “She’s rejecting nerve signals from her ears to give us privacy,” Korix said. “Probably listening to that Maliva piece she’s obsessed with right now.” 

 “Ah.” 

 While I collected my thoughts, Leski added brilliant purple and teal to her floral collection, and Korix patiently waited. 

 “You were right,” I eventually managed. “It has to do with Pheniks.” 

 Korix lifted his head off of mine, pulling away. 

 “You heard that?” he asked before shaking his head. “What am I thinking? Of course you did. I taught you how to catalogue what’s happening around you, no matter what state you’re in.” 

 “Mm,” I hummed. “I’d probably remember everything from the last two days if I let myself.” 

 Maybe. But I supposed whether I could do it didn’t matter. Unless something made me, I had no intention of thinking about the specifics of what had happened. 

 “Two days?” Korix asked. 

 Sighing, I said, “I’ll get to that, Ko.” 

 With a hesitant nod, Korix settled against me once more. 

 “So. Pheniks?” he asked. 

 “Pheniks,” I said. 

 With nausea threatening to rise up my throat, I burrowed into Korix, and every reduction of the space between us lent me strength. I could only speak these dreaded, hated words when I felt entirely safe and secure. 

 “I betrayed my brother.” 

 With my confession in the open, I started trembling, falling into myself until I approached a point that no one could rescue me from. 

 “Are you sure that’s what you did?” Korix asked. 

 Tensing, I lifted my eyes to him with frost spreading through me at an alarming rate. 

 “What?” I said with my voice dead. 

 “All I’m saying is that when it comes to loved ones, you tend to blow things out of proportion,” Korix said. “Half of the time, the supposed disaster comes nowhere close to your perception of it.” 

 I took a moment to consider this, and… he was right. My family and partners had always been the one thing I’d struggled to remain calm about. 

 Sitting up, I rested my chin on Korix’s shoulder. 

 “Are you calling me a drama queen?” I asked. 

 Rolling his eyes, Korix said, “You certainly enjoy drama enough for the title. So? Is your problem with Pheniks as horrible as you think it is?” 

 Biting my lip, I rocked my head back and forth with one eye closed. 

 “It might not be,” I eventually concluded. “I went to Talira with what I discovered, and she promised to help but…” 

 “You don’t trust her?” Korix asked. 

 “I’d love to say that I do,” I said, “but I definitely don’t.” 

 “Hmm.” 

 We fell silent, grinning at Leski when she snuck glances at us. She probably wanted to be with us, which I couldn’t fault. I hadn’t given her enough of my time lately, even before my recent mission. 

 “Is that all of it?” Korix said. “Considering that you defaulted on our last chat, I thought you’d have more to say.” 

 “It’s just more of the same. This year’s been tough, Ko, but Talira gave me a few days. We can talk everything out over the course of them. Dilute the strain on us,” I said. “But what about you? Any progression since our last check-in?” 

 I hoped that wasn’t the case. His last fall into the past had seemed like it might herald an increase in symptoms, but maybe I was wrong. 

 For a moment, Korix rubbed my arm without speaking, but then, he shifted. 

 “I’m… seeing… things more,” he said. “It’s still manageable, so there’s no need to worry, but it’s… new.” 

 Damn. Looked like I’d been right. 

 “Ok. Thanks for telling me.” 

 Smiling, Korix kissed my forehead. 

 “It’s our arrangement, is it not?” he said. 

 In answer, I lowered my face to his chest, breathing him in. This was how our check-in system worked. We started with a chat about everything that was concerning us, and then, we slept on it. In the morning, we discussed possible, new coping methods. It worked for us. 

 “You two done?” Leski asked in an overly loud voice. 

 After exchanging a glance with Korix, I nodded at her, and she winced, shaking her head. 

 “Great,” she said. “Can I get some help, then?” 

 She held out a paintbrush, and I leapt to claim it. Together, we worked on our baby’s mural, Leski with her flowers and Korix adding knights to his castle. I didn’t know how I’d missed it for over a hundred years, but apparently, he liked classic fantasy tales. 

 I got stuck staring at my assigned section of the wall, unsure of what I wanted to add. What did I want my child to look at during the first formative years of their life? It needed to be something I could quickly complete. Who knew how much time I could spend here in the coming months? 

 Eventually, I started painting with no end goal in mind, letting my unconscious mind guide me. It was strangely meditative, imparting a measure of peace, but every so often, my gaze drifted to my forearm, where blood had been leaking not long ago. 

 Getting what I needed had come so much more quickly that way, but it had become compulsive too. My hand had refused to stop its carve into me. I didn’t know which was better: the slow and steady pace or the quick and highly addictive one. Why wasn’t there something in between? 

 Dimly, I was aware of first Leski and then Korix leaving me to get some sleep. Their kisses on my cheek blended with the spread of paint across drywall, and their good night wishes mixed with the rustle of my brush’s bristles in the wall’s pockmarks. 

 I wasn’t sure how late it was when I finished, but when I stepped back, I knew the contentment spreading through me was showing through my smile. This image was exactly what I wanted my child to see every time they woke up. 

 Heavy fingers dropped my paintbrush, and as I made my way to our bedroom, fatigue nipped at me. I stumbled down halls and through a door, and when I reached it, I toppled into bed with my clothes halfway off before falling victim to sleep. 

 I dreamed about my brother. With a wild visage, Pheniks appeared in front of me, halfway concealed by a foreboding door, and he asked me one question without end. Why, why, why, why, why, why-? 

 Something yanked me free of the nightmare, although I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe it was someone turning me onto my back. 

 Maybe it was the warmth that wrapped itself around my entire body. Considering… everything, I was keyed up enough for these usually safe—and therefore, unable to wake me up—things to rattle me straight to full awareness. 

 Gasping, I snapped my eyes open, only for one of my partners to brush their fingers along my chest with shushing sounds. 

 “It’s all right. You’re all right." 

 After a moment where I got my breathing under control, I said, “Leski?” 

 She hummed. 

 “Nightmare?” the partner on my right… Korix sleepily said. 

 “…Yeah. I didn’t mean to wake you two up.” 

 Snuggling closer, Leski said, “‘s ok. We’re just glad you’re home.” 

 I tried to get back to sleep. Truly, I did. Closing my eyes, I nestled as close to my partners as I could get, but something —a fizz of electricity under my skin or a sense of unease—kept my brain from slipping into oblivion. Caught in this state, I tried to stay still, to not fidget, but apparently, I still did that enough that my partners noticed it.  

 A quiet sigh soon broke the quiet, and before I could apologize for keeping them up, soft kisses were leaving popping sparks along my chest and side. I fought to organize my thoughts and say something to let them know I was ok, but I couldn’t force a single word out until my clothes started getting tugged on. Only then could I reach down to stop them. 

 “No,” I said. “I’m too…” 

 What? I was too what? I knew what Korix and Leski were offering: a tried-and-true method to get me relaxed when I was this tense, but something about the situation tonight didn’t feel right. 

 It didn’t matter anyway. Whoever I’d pulled away from me was quickly replaced with my other partner, and I forgot all of the backed-up words I’d meant to say. 

 “You’re too good?” Leski said. “Too kind? Too caring?” 

 “Please,” I begged. “Stop.” 

 And the persistent sense of warmth around me retreated. And two weights settled into place on either side of me. 

 “Is that what you really want?” Korix said. “For us to stop? Or is something else going on?” 

 I didn’t know what the problem was, too disoriented from so many emotions throughout the day and a nightmare disturbing my sleep and the sense of need that both of them had pushed me into. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, and not having a name for this weird sense of turmoil inside scared me a little. 

 Even still, I tried to voice it. 

 “I don’t feel right or in control,” I said, throwing an arm over my face, “and in this state, I’m afraid that I’ll somehow take advantage of you.” 

 They were silent for an agonizingly long moment, and then, my arm was pulled away from me. 

 “You who I can never love,” Korix said, “how can you take advantage of what we want to freely give?” 

 And I peeled my eyes open. I saw them looking down on me with concern, watching them grin with their unique ways of conveying their want. For a brief second, I let myself think outside of my current misery, allowing myself a moment to realize that I needed to relax. Maybe the tried-and-true method would work. 

 “Ok,” I said, even if a knot of unease was still snarled behind my breastbone. 

 Grinning, Leski bent down to me, occluding Korix, and I rose to meet her lips, but she just pushed me back into the sheets. 

 “No. You relax,” she said. “When’s the last time you thought only of yourself, letting someone else take care of you?” 

 “I don’t want-” I started. 

 Leski shoved a finger against my lips. 

 “No lies, Zae. Not even with this,” she said. “So long as you’re ok with it, please let us do as we like.” 

 When she lifted her finger, I could only swallow and nod, and with a soft laugh, Leski pressed her lips to mine while Korix skimmed his hands over my body. We stayed here for a while, but eventually, I’d had enough of it. 

 As I flipped Leski onto her back, settling on my hands and knees over her, I knew something should keep my tongue from opening her mouth, but I didn’t remember what it was. I didn’t let myself remember it. 

 Korix hugged me from behind, sweeping his fingers over my chest and abdomen, and from his insistent press against me, I didn’t think he cared how soft of a body my last persona had required. He brushed his lips along my spine, raising hairs all over my body, and when Leski pulled my waist to hers, trapping me between them, I joined them in a combination of soft curses and praises to all the holy things that we didn’t believe in. 

 That was when I got the alert. 

 Someone’s at the door, it read. 

 I knew Korix and Leski had gotten the same message, but they didn’t respond to it. So, rolling my eyes, I dug my mind out of the pit of lust I’d been submerged in. 

 “Who is it?” I asked in sub-vocals. 

 First Stratus Pheniks of House Zan was my response. 

 Sucking in a breath, I went cold while my partners peeled away from me with furrowed faces. 

 “Give me a visual,” I said. 

 I lifted my hand, and above my palm, my brother appeared, pounding on the front door. His hair was standing up in spikes with his clothes disheveled and his face unshaven, and he was shouting at no one. 

 “Please, Zae! Let me in! I- I need help. Please!” 

 My heart was a stone in my chest. Taking hold of my elbow, Korix shook his head. 

 “Zaeden, don’t-” 

 “Let him in,” I said. 

 Folding my hand on an image of Pheniks, I got out of bed, shoving impediments aside. I barely remembered to grab my clothes before racing into the hall with raised voices fading behind me. 

 In this moment, I didn’t care what they said. My little brother needed me. Hell, if I wouldn’t help him.

Chapter 20: How to Help
It was amazing how much time compressed when you were panicking. I could swear that I’d just been upstairs with my partners, but here I was, barely understanding Pheniks as he babbled, and I didn’t remember how I’d gotten here. 

 Holding my brother’s elbow, I supported half of his weight while guiding him to the closest seat. He folded on himself, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, and I crouched in front of him. 

 “Pheniks,” I threw into the stream of his words. 

 They stopped, and he peered over his fingers at me. 

 “What happened?” I said. 

 He didn’t want to answer me, shooting his eyes to the ceiling while his jaw clenched, but I knew how to pull words out of my brother. 

 Resting my palm on his knee, I said, “I can’t help you unless you talk to me.” 

 Pheniks crossed his arms. Shifted a little. But he did start speaking. 

 “House Kolb is what happened,” he said. “Their high and middle Strata swarmed headquarters, capturing my subordinates. It was a nightmare, but I slipped past them. Thank Mother Time I’ve kept up some of my Kolb skills. I came straight here because what I’ve been doing for my House in recent years may not have been strictly legal, and… how do you not know about this?” 

 So, Talira had started her raid. I’d hoped to stay in the dark about it for as long as possible, putting off learning its outcome until my internal turmoil could subside, but this? This was quite possibly the best way our current situation could have gone. I wouldn’t have to trust Talira with helping my brother now because I’d have a hand in what happened to him. 

 “Zaeden!” Pheniks shouted. “How do you-?” 

 “Talira sent me home a few days ago,” I said, “and since I left Xygek, I haven’t been keeping up with Kolb’s activities.” 

 Troubled, Pheniks asked, “Did she mean to keep this from you?” 

 Oh, hell. His belief in me hurt. 

 “I doubt it,” I said. “Sometimes, she sends me away when she thinks I need a break.” 

 Frowning, Pheniks said, “Why would you need a break? You’re-” 

 He stopped before speaking the words that he knew I hated, which made me smile. He was doing as I’d asked, thinking before he spoke when he was around me. 

 “The Lokke Vitras?” I finished for him. “I’m still me, Phen. Accepting the title didn’t make me a superhuman, immune to stress.” 

 “Huh,” Pheniks said with a look of disquiet on his face. 

 I’d love to further disabuse Lutov’s conditioning about my role for him, but we needed to focus on his problem. 

 Shuffling closer to him, I asked, “Can you tell me what you were working on?” 

 Pheniks refused to meet my eyes. 

 “Something bad,” he quietly said. “Bad enough that I’m in small part grateful that your House disrupted it.” 

 Kolb wasn’t my… Oh, what was the point? 

 “Is it something that could see you exiled?” I asked. 

 When he flinched, I winced. 

 “I’m sorry. I don’t want to distress you,” I said, “but I need to know how bad it is.” 

 Never mind that I was perfectly aware of what his answer would be. He had to give it to me if he was to believe that I’d had nothing to do with his current crisis. 

 Shifting, Pheniks said, “It might.” 

 “Well, shit,” I said. “Ok. Can we mitigate this? Maybe… why were you working on the project? Just for curiosity’s sake or…?” 

 Please, say that Pheniks would answer this question. If I was right about why he’d accepted the project and he told me about it, he might have a chance at escaping a total ruination of his life. There would still be consequences for his actions, but he’d remain a part of Lutovish society. His array and its functions wouldn’t be taken from him. 

 First, though, my brother had to answer my question. First, he had to betray his House. 

 Pheniks’ face worked up, going red. 

 “I… can’t answer that,” he said. “It’s House business.” 

 Shit. 

 “House business,” I said in an empty voice. “Tell me, Phen. Is House Zan worth getting exiled over? Is-?” 

 “Yes,” Pheniks interrupted. “Absolutely, yes. I can be who I am because of my House. If losing my array is the price that’s needed for Zan’s integrity, I will pay it.” 

 Ok, then. I didn’t know whether to be frustrated with my brother or admire his conviction. I chose admiration. 

 With a soft smile, I said, “That’s amazing, Phen. I’m glad that you love your House so much.” 

 Halfway into the process of making an indignant retort, Pheniks paused, eyeing me. 

 “You… are?” he said. “I thought you hated the Houses. You complain about them often enough.” 

 “I hate the system,” I said. “The Houses, at their core, aren’t so bad. I like the idea of an organization that’s focused on a single area of study, filled with people who are passionate about it, but when politics get involved?” 

 I made a face. I had many more issues with the Houses than the system itself, of course, but complaining about them now wouldn’t get me what I wanted. 

 “So, let’s look at the essence of Zan. Your House researches phenomena like the bloodsong while also working to advance the technological field,” I said. “Knowing this and given what you said about your project, is it something that exemplifies Zan?” 

 Closing his eyes, Pheniks hissed out a breath. 

 “That’s not my decision to make,” he said. 

 “I think it is.” 

 When Pheniks snapped his eyes open, I nodded. 

 “You’re Zan’s First Stratus. You have an enormous say in how your House is run,” I said. “Not only that but do you remember what Ko said when he first met you, so many years ago?” 

 “Something about being the epitome of Zan,” Pheniks said. 

 “Sounds about right,” I said. “So, tell me. As someone who’s so desperately loyal to the idea of what Zan should be, should your project be a part of it?” 

 With his jaw working, Pheniks hung his head. 

 “No,” he said in a small voice. 

 “Then, why do it?” 

 Pheniks peered at me from behind his hair, hanging in his face. 

 “Because…” 

 For a moment, I thought he’d keep his ‘secret’, refusing to give me what I needed to save his life, but then, words spilled out of him in a rush. 

 “Because my shukusen ordered it,” he said. 

 Finally. Thank all that might be holy. 

 “Ok,” I said, licking my lips. “Ok, here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll visit Talira, and you’re going to tell her what you just said as well as everything about this project of yours. You don’t have to speak a word about Zan’s other projects, but we have to know every detail about this one if we’re going to pin it on Arion. Once Talira’s in the loop, we’ll go from there, but Phen?” 

 I reached up to squeeze his shoulder. 

 “You’ll be ok. I’ll make sure of it.” 

 He was very quiet and seemed so very lost, and looking at him, I saw my kid brother, hurt by a bully again. 

 I was going to bring Arion down. 

 Ha! Once this was over, I’d have removed two shukusenth from power in a little over a hundred years. That must be a record. 

 On leading Pheniks to the hangar, I noted two, darker splotches in the shadows at the end of the corridor. After telling my brother to get in a skycruiser, I wandered to Leski and Korix. 

 “What are you doing?” Korix asked with his arms crossed. 

 Taking in his disapproving stare, I said, “My job. Do you have a problem with that?” 

 Korix opened his mouth to reply, but Leski rested a hand on his shoulder, stopping him. 

 “Ok, Zae. Be careful,” she said, “and please. Please, please, please. Keep us and yourself in your thoughts over the next few hours.” 

 Hell, I hadn’t even thought about that. What if this crisis forced me to choose between my brother’s happiness and theirs? 

 It wouldn’t come to that. I wouldn’t let it. 

 “Everything will be fine. I promise,” I said. “Now, give me kisses goodbye?” 

 There was such trepidation in them! It hurt me to see it, even as they did what I’d asked. 

 When I joined Pheniks in the skycruiser he’d chosen, he was leaning against a window, staring at nothing, so I left him alone for the moment, feeding coordinates to the console. Once we’d reached a sufficient altitude, however, I turned on him. 

 “When’s the last time you slept?” I asked. 

 “What does it matter?” he said. 

 Oh, damn. He’d sounded like I had when reporting to Talira a few days ago. 

 “You look terrible,” I said. “If you’ve been awake for too long, you won’t be coherent when we speak with our grandmother, which she won’t like. You should get some rest before we reach the capital.” 

 Pheniks was quiet for far too long, folding in on himself. 

 “I can’t,” he said. “I’ve tried, but I just can’t.” 

 “Then, start a dream sequence,” I said. “I know it’s not an ideal way to fall asleep but… sometimes, it’s the only way.” 

 Lifting his forehead off of the glass, Pheniks turned to me, and I could feel his stare boreing into me, but I couldn’t acknowledge it. 

 “Phen,” I said. “Please. Go to sleep.” 

 Sighing, he plastered himself against the window again. 

 “Ok.” 

 After my brother’s breathing had evened out, I waited for five minutes before contacting Talira. 

 “The fuck, Zae-zae?” she mumbled after accepting the connection. “You’re supposed to be… Why are you waking me up in the middle-?” 

 “I have Phen with me,” I said. 

 “Phen…” 

 There was a snort followed by the sound of something heavy hitting the floor. 

 “Zaeden, no House, you’d better not be fucking with me,” Talira hissed. 

 Oo. She only broke that moniker out when she was super pissed. Or worried. 

 “I’m not,” I said. “He came to my home, begging for help, and after I calmed him down, he admitted that Arion ordered him to lead this neurotoxin project. I’m bringing him to you now.” 

 Talira started cursing with some of her expletives ones I’d never heard before. I found them quite impressive. 

 “Does he know about Rylan?” she asked. 

 “No.” 

 What did she think I was? An operative in their first year? 

 “Do you want me to tell him?” I asked. 

 “I don’t think that’s wise,” Talira said, “but it might come out in his debrief, so prepare yourself accordingly.” 

 “Understood,” I said. 

 Obviously, I’d prefer it if Pheniks never learned about how I’d deceived and manipulated him, but all I wanted from this disaster was to keep him safe. If that meant he learned about my deep-cover mission in Zan, so be it. 

 “Bring him to my apartment,” Talira continued. “Hopefully, a neutral setting will make him more comfortable than a rival House’s headquarters.” 

 “Smart,” I said. “Anything else?” 

 “Nothing. Only…” 

 While she gathered her thoughts, I placidly waited. 

 “Are you ok?” she asked. “Have you had enough time to recover?” 

 Not even a little bit. 

 “Does it matter?” I asked. “House business came to my door tonight. Am I, as the Lokke Vitras, supposed to ignore it because I’m not at my best?” 

 Slowly, Talira breathed out. 

 “I’ll see you in a few hours, then,” she said. 

 “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said. 

 Quietly, I waited for her to cut the connection, and although Talira hesitated for a moment, she eventually did that. Pulling my legs up on my seat, I faced my brother, leaning against the door. See what I’d done to him, fitfully sleeping as he was and a total mess. 

 Watching him, my fingers itched for the steel of a blade, but I focused on how I’d help Pheniks rather than indulging that need. As we flew to Xygek, I started building his case, for when he’d eventually need it.

Chapter 21: I'm Sorry, Brother
I hadn’t gotten far with Pheniks’ defense when the skycruiser landed in our grandmother’s hangar. Reaching over, I shook my brother. 

 “Phen,” I said. 

 He woke up with sleepy murmurs, scrunching his face up when he saw me. 

 “Zae? What are you-?” 

 As remembrance crawled into him, Pheniks went pale, drooping. 

 “Oh. Right,” he said. “Where are we?” 

 “Xygek,” I said. “Our grandmother’s apartment.” 

 Nodding, Pheniks rubbed his face. 

 “So…?” he said. 

 “So, now we talk to her,” I said. “Are you ready?” 

 Meeting my eyes, Pheniks said, “No. But I have to be, don’t I?” 

 I couldn’t offer him reassurances, no matter how much I might want to. I’d love to say that whatever happened, I’d keep him safe, but despite how I might lie to myself, I wasn’t sure I could make him that promise. Not again. Look what had happened the last time I’d had to choose between him and something else of importance! So, I squeezed his shoulder and got out of the skycruiser.  

 Talira was waiting for us in her kitchen with a bathrobe thrown on and her hair in disarray. Had she gone back to bed after we’d spoken, or was this an attempt to make Pheniks feel guilty? 

 When we entered, she was standing in front of her refectory with a finger tapping on an elbow, and as if timed for our arrival, it dinged. Opening it, she retrieved two mugs before offering them to us. 

 “Caf?” she asked. 

 Mother Time, she knew us well. Pheniks and I descended on her like a pack of hyenas, and once we’d taken what she held, Talira guided us to her kitchen table. While she waited for the refectory to make breakfast, we huddled over our mugs, refusing to meet each other’s eyes. Even still, I caught Pheniks jumping when our grandmother slid plates onto the table, and I had to hide a smile. 

 Talira sat between us, and in response to her presence, Pheniks and I straightened. 

 “Shukusen-” my brother started. 

 “Uh-uh,” Talira said, lifting her fork. “I’m your grandmother right now, Phen, and both you and your brother look like shit. Eat your food, and once you’re done, we can talk.” 

 Pheniks frowned at his plate. 

 “I’m not hungry,” he said. 

 “It’s cute that you think I care.” 

 Smiling at him, Talira clicked her teeth on the tines of her fork before swallowing, and Pheniks reluctantly followed her example. 

 Meanwhile, I was already halfway through my waffles, but then, over the years, I’d learned to eat food whenever it was put in front of me. One could never know if or when one would get another meal. 

 Breakfast was quiet, and throughout it, I ignored the air of unease that was swirling around us, especially when I finished first. I sipped at the dregs of my caf until they set their utensils down, and while drones collected the dirty dishes, Talira rested her elbows on the table, rubbing her face. 

 “All right, Pheniks,” she said. “Let’s discuss why my people raided House Zan yesterday.” 

 “Yes, let’s,” Pheniks said. “Would you mind explaining why you thought that was within your rights?” 

 Cocking her head, Talira glanced at me, and I shrugged. I didn’t know why he was responding with hostility. After everything we’d discussed, I’d thought he was ready to cooperate. 

 “The reason behind it doesn’t matter, considering what we found in Zan’s headquarters, but I’ll indulge you,” Talira said. “My operatives in your House told me about your project, and on learning about it, I moved to end it, as is my right.” 

 Slowly, Pheniks slumped in his chair. 

 “I’m sorry,” he said. “I had to at least try… Loyalty to House isn’t so easily discarded for me.” 

 “We discussed this, Phen,” I said. “You are being loyal to Zan or to Zan at its ideal, at least.” 

 Pheniks rolled his eyes at me, but he turned to Talira. 

 “What do you want from me, shukusen?” he asked. “I’d like to make this right.” 

 “First Stratus, you should already know what I want,” Talira said. 

 Nodding, Pheniks said, “Everything.” 

 He launched into it: a detailed description of the neurotoxin, the process of making it, and how it had been developed. All of it was spoken in a dry voice, like my brother was reading a report, not talking about creating one of the worst atrocities that I’d seen in my time as the Lokke Vitras. 

 “I don’t know how much it matters, but I didn’t want to head this project,” he said at the end. “When Arion gave it to me, I considered coming to one of you with it but…” 

 He shrugged. 

 “House before family.” 

 Before innocent lives as well, apparently. 

 After a beat of silence, Talira slowly breathed out, laying her hands on the table. 

 “Given your cooperation now and your relative helplessness at the time of your crimes, I can lessen the consequences for you,” she said. “You’ll probably lose Stratus, and I have no doubt that your subordinates will be stripped of House, but whatever punishment is handed down, all of you should recover from it. At the very least, you won’t be exiled. We’ll need to-” 

 “That’s not good enough,” Pheniks said. 

 Sucking air through her nose, Talira shut her mouth while I snapped my eyes to slits. What the hell was my brother doing? 

 “From the lack of questions about it, I’m guessing you weren’t aware that this project originated outside of Zan. It was undertaken at the request of someone in another House,” Pheniks continued. “I don’t know who it was, but if you want me to tell you which House they claim, you’ll have to make me a better offer, both for myself and my subordinates.” 

 Talira’s face had emptied of emotion, and seeing that, a tiny voice started screaming in my head. Mother Time, what the fuck had my brother done? 

 “What makes you think I won’t use a Puppeteer on you, getting this information from you without your permission?” Talira asked with her voice cold. “You’ve given me enough of a reason to use it.” 

 “Only if using it is what you want, though,” Pheniks said. “I’m your grandson, and while I doubt that counts for much when compared to getting what you need, it’ll make conceding to my demands the easiest course of action for you.” 

 Something twitched in Talira’s forehead and shit. Shit, shit, shit! I needed to derail this before Pheniks got himself killed. 

 “What do you want?” I asked. 

 “My subordinates left alone, for one. They had as little control over their actions as I did,” Pheniks said. “I also want you to make me House Zan’s shukusen after Arion’s removed from power. I do not want something like this to happen again, but the only way to make sure it doesn’t is if I’m at the helm. It’s like you said, Zae. I know what’s best for my House. I didn’t believe it before but hearing it from you…” 

 I had not intended for my brother to take this from my encouragement. Holy hell, what was going on? I understood what Pheniks was saying about needing control to prevent another disaster, but even still… why was he, who’d abhorred becoming a First Stratus, asking for a shukusen position? 

 “And I want the names of the operatives who uncovered my project,” Pheniks said. 

 For a split second, I stopped breathing while denial shrieked through me. Damnit. Why was he doing this? 

 “You presume much, grandson,” Talira said. 

 If her voice had been cold before, now it was ice. 

 “Even if I agreed that accepting your demands would be easier than pulling this information out of your head, why should I believe it’s important enough to sacrifice so much for it?” she continued. 

 Crossing his arms, Pheniks said, “It will save you the time and effort needed to learn the information for yourself, time when the person who requested my neurotoxin might develop it on their own. You can’t tell me that’s worth nothing.” 

 Talira’s lips thinned as she glanced my way, and from a faraway place, I had to wonder what this was doing to her, choosing between her grandsons. Because that was what she’d have to do. If she only revealed the names of the operatives who’d first alerted her to this project’s existence, Pheniks would eventually learn that they’d never breached his department. After that, he’d come after Kolb, and as the shukusen he’d be at the time, there was no telling what sort of chaos he could unleash. To stop that, she’d have to tell him who’d actually discovered his neurotoxin: me. 

 “I’ll concede to your first two demands. They benefit Lutov more than harming it,” Talira said, “but I can’t give you my operatives’ names. I can’t burn them like that.” 

 Oh, thank Mother Time. She’d found an excuse that Pheniks might accept, letting his third demand slide. 

 “And I can’t start as Zan’s next shukusen, knowing that the people who endangered my House in this way might still be in it,” he said. “It doesn’t matter how many other operative you might have in place-” 

 His voice faded to fuzz. I looked at my brother, stubbornly insisting that Talira should satisfy his curiosity, and my grandmother, who had to contend with me being her Lokke Vitras, and I knew what she’d do. They’d argue for a while longer, pushing and pulling against one another, but neither of them would budge from positions that were so important to them. Because of that, my grandmother would choose to protect me, and given the situation… given her position of power right now, she’d have to destroy Pheniks to keep my secret safe. I couldn’t let that happen. 

 So once more, I resolved to protect my little brother, no matter what it might do to me. 

 “It was me,” I said. 

 Pheniks choked on a cough, whipping his head to me, and I died a little as he worked his mouth. 

 “I don’t believe you,” he said. “You’re trying to protect her, fall on your sword like a good Lokke-” 

 “My choice for my happiness,” I said before he could finish that hated title. 

 Something that I’d never wanted to see on a loved one flashed across his face, and I barreled forward before I could examine it. 

 “You added that to Zan’s placement exam,” I said. “Feena would be honored to know how much you valued our advice.” 

 Pheniks clicked his teeth together with fire flaring in his eyes. 

 “You were Rylan?” he hissed. “Why, Zae? I know you. You can’t have done this out of loyalty to your House. You’ve never cared about that. So, why-?” 

 “You’re right. I’ve never been loyal to a House,” I said, “but Lutov? Humanity? I am devoted to them, and no matter how much I love you, Phen, I couldn’t let you unleash what you made on the world.” 

 I was going to break. I absorbed Pheniks’ bared teeth, his heaving shoulders, and the hurt in his eyes, and I knew, I knew, that if I stayed here for much longer, I would fly to pieces. 

 Facing Talira, I said, “May I go home, my shukusen?” 

 She wasn’t happy with me either, but I didn’t know if it was because I’d forced her into accepting Pheniks’ terms or because I’d done something to further harm myself. 

 “You may,” she said, “but we need to speak when next you wake, my Lokke Vitras.” 

 “Of course.” 

 On my feet, I bowed to them both and was heading for the door when Pheniks’ laughter stopped me. 

 “You truly are the Lokke Vitras,” he said with acid on his tongue. “Nothing more or less. An embodiment, just like me.” 

 Hunching my shoulders, I took a few, slow breaths before leaving the kitchen with Pheniks and Talira talking behind me. The journey to my apartment went by in a blur, one that didn’t relent when I arrived, and once I was inside, I made myself a whiskey sour, letting it dangle at my side once I was done. 

 With that and a retrieved knife, I found a place that the drones could easily clean and settled in for a long waiting period. One that was filled with a repetitive habit rather than the sleep that I needed.

Addendum
Is… is that why he hated me? Fucking hell, is that why he kept himself so distant over the years? Because of this? 

 Shit. He was right to loathe everything that I was. Mother Time, did I… did I turn my little brother into a monster? 

 [wordless screaming and multiple crashes followed by a long period of silence] 

 I’m sorry, Elliot. You have to understand; I don’t actively remember most of what I’m telling you. My array keeps the memories I should have long forgotten in a folder, one I don’t access much. Not anymore. Over the years, it’s become too painful. 

 For years, I’ve wondered why Phen changed so radically from the boy I grew up with. Why, in later years, did he always oppose me when we were forced to interact with one another? 

 It was my fault. Of course it was. 

 But that means… 

 I’m to blame for Kester. A city full of people, murdered because of something that I did, forever ago. Ha! Look how far the consequences for one choice can ripple. 

 But I can’t think about that or what I did to my brother. I. just. can’t. I won’t let you hear me cry. not again. Not here, where you’re supposed to find some measure of healing. 

 So, let’s move on. Talira’s waiting for a younger version of me, after all.

Chapter 22: You're Sending Me in Again, Aren't You?
When I walked into her office the next day, Talira took one look at me before wincing. 

 “Did you get any sleep?” she asked. 

 “It’s not important,” I sighed. 

 Slinging myself into a chair, I sprawled against one corner of the seat, hooking a knee over its arm while scuffing the other foot on the floor. 

 “Which House am I going deep cover in?” I asked. 

 After running her eyes over me, Talira pinched her lips. 

 “Are you drunk?” she said. 

 “No,” I said before squinting. “Yes? I don’t know. My body’s a little fucked right now, but again, it doesn’t matter. Even like this, I can handle the initial steps of a deep-cover mission, and by the time more is required from me, I’ll be better.” 

 Talira’s entire face was pinched now, but I couldn’t read it. Was that worry or disapproval that she was showing me? Her eyes had gone distant while she played at the air like people did when they were messing with their arrays, and when I got an alert from my apartment’s recorder system, I sat bolt upright, slapping my feet to the ground. She couldn’t see what had happened last night, couldn’t know… 

 But when her eyes cleared and she just looked at me, I knew that she already did. 

 “How much blood did you lose?” Talira calmly asked. 

 Too calmly.  

 “Do I need to send you to our medics downstairs?” 

 “What? No!” I said. “I didn’t lose enough to impair me. Something in me was cognizant enough to keep an eye on that.” 

 “But that’s why you’re not sure if you’re drunk,” Talira said. “You can’t know how your body will react to alcohol, weakened as you’ve made it.” 

 I decided to take the wise course of action and stay silent. Completely blank, Talira watched me, and I fought to keep still, knowing that she was evaluating me. 

 “I’m sending you home,” she said. “You need time with your loved ones-” 

 Shooting to my feet, I slammed my hands on her desk. 

 “I need a mission. I need work, Talira,” I said. “You need to stop protecting me. I know myself. I know this pattern of behavior. I will be fine in a week or so, but in the meantime, I desperately need something to throw myself into, something I know I’m good at. So. Which House am I going deep cover in?” 

 Ok. Now, I could read her. She was pissed at me, if also worried. 

 “I should tell you to remove yourself from my office. Your behavior is unbecoming of the Lokke Vitras,” Talira said, “but since no one is here to see you like this, I’ll just tell you to get your hands off of my desk and sit your ass down.” 

 Mother Time, she was angry. Slowly, I lowered myself into my seat again, locking my gaze with hers the whole way down. She broke our staring contest first, dropping her face into her hands. 

 “How am I supposed to trust you with a deep-cover mission when you pull shit like this?” she asked, waving at me. 

 I kept my mouth shut, realizing that nothing I said could help me, and sighing, Talira slapped her palms onto her desk’s surface. 

 “Cerullis,” she said. “Your target’s in House Cerullis.” 

 The depth of hollowness that her revelation scraped into my heart surprised me. Given that House’s history, should this news have come as such a shock? 

 “Do you think shukusen Sanya knows that someone in her ranks has broken the Concords?” I asked. 

 “Doubtful,” Talira said, “and I wouldn’t blame her for it either. Becoming a head of House is hard enough if you’re prepared for it, and prepared, Sanya was not. Besides, I’ve known that girl for a long time. I seriously doubt that she’s capable of requesting a weapon as horrid as what Zan’s created.” 

 Wait. How did Talira know Sanya? I hadn’t thought their association extended beyond the younger woman’s appointment as a shukusen .  

 Could I ask about that now, though? I’d crossed a lot of lines today, and while I didn’t much care about holding to decorum, Leski’s words from before I’d left home rang in my head. 

 “All right. Cerullis,” I said. “Is Rylan still viable as a persona, or should I visit alterations again?” 

 Talira’s face soured, almost as if she’d wanted me to question her. 

 “No, he remains intact, but you’ll have to doctor his record a bit,” she said. “Also, this mission shouldn’t be as immersive as the last one. You can break deep cover when you go home every night, which is good for you. After today’s display, I’ll require an in-depth report of your activities every day.” 

 “All as I expected,” I said. “Is there anything else, shukusen, or may I start prepping for this mission?” 

 Talira stared at me for long enough that I shifted in place. Had I said something wrong? 

 “You don’t want to know how things resolved with Pheniks after you left?” she asked. 

 Wincing, I glanced to the side. I’d rather avoid anything to do with my brother until the emotional dust-up from our last parting had settled. I didn’t want a repeat of what I’d recently left in my apartment. Even still, a question was dragged from me, much like my gaze was to my grandmother. 

 “Is he ok?” 

 Making a face, Talira said, “Physically, yes. Until we deal with Arion, he’ll stay in one of the apartments meant for Kolb’s unplaced members. I’m sure you remember those well enough. You made such a mess of one forever ago, after all.” 

 With my breath catching, I fought to keep my eyes on Talira. I’d rather not relive memories of Fyester and subsequently, Jayla on top of everything else. 

 “You might want to avoid him for a while,” Talira continued. “He’s pissed at you.” 

 “Which is about what I expected,” I said, drooping. “Still. Thank you for letting me know he’s safe.” 

 “Of course. It’s the least I can do,” Talira said. “Do you need anything from me before you go under, Zae-zae?” 

 I shrugged. 

 “Just the usual. Keep my family appraised of my status as much as you can and…” 

 Pausing, I sucked on my teeth. 

 “This might seem strange, but Fourth Stratus Elrin’s missing persons mission continues to weigh on me,” I said. “Can you make sure he gets into the Preserve, please?” 

 Talira seemed taken aback by such an unusual request, but she nodded. 

 “That’ll be easy enough,” she said. “I’ll let you know how it goes.” 

 “Thank you,” I said. “If there’s nothing else, I’d like to get started.” 

 “I wish you luck,” Talira said, “and Zae-zae?” 

 She reached across her desk, waiting until I touched her hand before continuing. 

 “When this is over, you’re getting a month to yourself, and don’t you fucking dare argue with me about that. I got a message from Korix this morning, expressing concern for you, and he rarely talks to me anymore. Please, grandson. Give yourself time to heal before barreling into another crisis.” 

 Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Once this one’s over?” 

 Talira slumped. 

 “Once this one’s over,” she repeated. 

 “Thanks in advance, then,” I said. “I’m leaving now.” 

 As I rose from my chair, I pointedly did not think about how Korix had told on me. I also chose not to see the concerned look on Talira’s face before I left her office. 

 So. Cerullis again. Had the person who’d requested this neurotoxin from Zan not learned from the Ancients Crisis? It had only been a hundred years. I’d think the House’s members were still reeling from something that had nearly torn it apart, but perhaps my target was new to Cerullis. Perhaps they hadn’t felt the hysteria that came from nearly losing the central-most pillar in most Lutovish’s lives. 

 Speculation occupied me on the journey to my apartment, although a few odd glances along the way dragged me free of it. They had me reversing the changes that I’d made to my body in the last few days. 

 It wasn’t a long trip. Unlike Korix, I didn’t feel the need to distance myself from Kolb’s headquarters. Almost as soon as the city proper surrounded me, I turned onto a walkway that bordered the main street, wandering through crowded towers until I reached a courtyard, resting between them. Mirrors, hanging from the bordering towers, bounced sunlight to this lowest level so that minimal plant life could grow here, producing enough green to break up the city’s steel and glass theme. Concrete gave way to patterned cobblestone, and a stone bench sat between two, scraggly tress. A single door, my home hidden away in the city, opened onto this. 

 On stepping inside, a guest would find a lift to the left, one that rose at the highest of speeds to the top of this building. The apartment’s hangar filled one of its topmost floors, making my residence one that was separated by a tower’s length. 

 Every so often, I adjusted the lift’s destination to somewhere on the middle tiers. I might not live among them anymore, but I liked maintaining the relationships that I’d developed with the low Strata as the Lokke Vitras to come. They knew what I was now, which made things difficult at times, but mostly, they seemed appreciative of the fact that I checked on them.  

 What did I know, though? The happy faces that they presented might only be shown to appease me. 

 When I stepped inside my home today, I didn’t pay much attention to the lift or the decorations around me. Catching the suppression grenade that an opening door had dropped, I frowned at it. The knot, attached to its pin, had been retied, but it wasn’t one I’d seen Korix or Leski use before. Was a stranger in my home? 

 I reset the trap, and as I slunk into my apartment, my rifle filled my hand. Why would someone infiltrate my home? Cracking the security processes that protected this place would take dedication. I didn’t think I’d antagonized anyone that badly before. 

 Maybe Niklaus? 

 I shook my head. He was too much of a coward to challenge me or my family. 

 It could be Nyco. Twice, I’d disrupted his life in a significant way. If he hadn’t gotten caught up in Kolb’s recent raid, he might have decided to attack me, no matter how compassionate the man had always seemed. 

 It didn’t matter. Instead of dwelling on who might be here, I locked the question of the intruder’s identity away. I had a possible hostile in my home, which meant I needed to focus. 

 I glided through the apartment — kitchen, sitting room, Korix’s study, Leski’s studio, a public washroom — only pausing at the last of those. Drones were still scraping dried blood off of the floor there, and I watched them for far longer than I should have before moving on. 

 After checking a few more rooms, I came to the last one, my bedroom, and held my breath. When asked, my array showed me one heat signature inside, waiting in a corner, and raising my rifle toward it, I slipped through the door. 

 Before I could start demanding answers from the intruder, a lamp in the corner brightened, revealing a woman in an armchair. With one leg bobbing on her knee, she regarded me with the gravest of expressions. 

 “Lokke Vitras Zaeden,” Feena said. “We need to talk.”

Chapter 23: My Sister Is Special
With my lung’s contents bursting from me, I lowered my rifle. 

 “Damnit, Feena, you can’t do that,” I said. “I almost shot you.” 

 My sister just grinned at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes. 

 “No, you didn’t. Your finger wasn’t even on the trigger,” she said. “Poor form if you know an enemy has invaded your home.” 

 Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Are you really going to criticize me about something like that? And why are you here? What’s with the drama?” 

 “The ‘drama’—” 

 Feena made air quotes. 

 “—is for fun. Come on, Zae. You haven’t once wanted to recreate this classic thriller scene before? It comes up in holodramas often enough.” 

 I blinked at her, a slow shuttering of my lids over my eyes. 

 “No, I haven’t,” I said. “I prefer more efficient means of intimidation.” 

 Throwing her head back, Feena groaned. 

 “Of course you do.” 

 A drone floated into the room with a requested whiskey sour in tow. I’d been drinking a lot of these lately. Maybe I should slow down, keep myself from acquiring too much of a taste for them. Not yet, though. 

 Accepting the glass, I said, “And you’re here because…?” 

 “I’m offering my help with this deep-cover mission of yours,” Feena said before shrugging, “if you want it.” 

 I could swear I’d been gut-punched, sick to the heart of me, and my eye twitched. 

 “Did Talira send you?” I asked. “I’m not so bad off that I need a babysitter.” 

 Also, how had she found out about my mission and gotten here in such a short time? 

 With her face furrowing, Feena said, “Why would you need someone watching you?” 

 “I don’t.” 

 Spinning, I marched out of the room. If my sister insisted on staying here, I’d rather not speak with her in my bedroom, not with its mass of stuffed animals on Leski’s side of the bed or Korix’s stark neatness on the other. I didn’t need a reminder that I still had to tell them about this mission. 

 Feena followed me, but she stopped when we passed the washroom. 

 “Zae, what’s this?” she asked. “Was there a fight here? In your home?” 

 Glancing inside, I noted that the drones had almost finished cleaning up. 

 “No,” I said. 

 With nothing more, I moved on, taking us outside, but when I sat on the courtyard’s bench, Feena stayed on her feet. 

 “Why was there dried blood on your washroom’s floor, little brother?” she asked. 

 “I don’t want to talk about it, although…” 

 Pausing, I examined Feena’s tensed shoulders and pinched eyes. Was this anxiety solely for me or…? 

 “Have you heard about our brother yet?” I asked. 

 Feena’s face soured. 

 “Yes, I’ve heard,” she said, biting off the words. “That little shit got off easy. He should worship the ground Talira walks on for the next few decades, considering how far in Stratus he should have regressed.” 

 She thought he only deserved a regression in Stratus? Did she not know what Pheniks had done? 

 “Feena, if Talira hadn’t stepped in, Phen would have been exiled,” I said. 

 When Feena’s face drained of color, I jumped to my feet so I could help her flop onto the bench. 

 “Hell,” she said. 

 Nodding, I hugged myself. 

 “He broke the Concords,” I said. 

 “Hell,” Feena repeated. 

 Thank all that might be holy that she didn’t question how I knew that. 

 “I always knew he’d get in trouble like this one day,” she faintly said. “Just… not so soon.” 

 I didn’t reply, letting her process. While she did, I kept my mind blank, refusing to revisit a set of cutting words that I’d never forget. 

 “We can’t do anything for him now,” Feena eventually said. 

 She shook herself. 

 “Talira didn’t send me. In fact, I’m not on a mission at the moment, taking some time for myself instead,” she continued, “or that’s what I told my fellow Second Strata, at least.” 

 If she hadn’t learned about this mission from Talira, then who’d told her about it? 

 “Mother Time, Feena. Requesting time for yourself like that will have cost you a lot,” I said. “Why use it to offer me help?” 

 Pursing her lips, Feena turned to me before taking my hands. 

 “Because you’ll need it,” she said. 

 I giggled, although her serious demeanor raised goosebumps on my arms. 

 “Why would you think that?” I asked. 

 “Because…” 

 Going distant, Feena chewed on her lip for a moment before sighing. 

 “Because it’s what I was told,” she said. 

 With my reflexes activating, I jerked my hands to my chest, but I stopped myself from attacking a possible threat, waiting for the explanation that Feena knew I’d need. 

 “Do you remember the Founder’s Day ball before you and Korix went public with your relationship?” she asked. 

 “Of course I do,” I said. “The Ancients Crisis started soon after that.” 

 Blowing out a breath, Feena nodded. 

 “Do you remember how I said something that should have had Ko grilling me for further clarification, but he didn’t?” she asked. 

 It had been years since I’d thought about that but… 

 “Yes. You called him the precursor to the protector, and he just… let it go. I thought it was strange at the time,” I said. “When neither of you deigned to explain it after I became the Lokke Vitras, I thought it best not to unearth the mystery. Does it have something to do with your ‘being told’ to help me?” 

 “It has everything to do with that,” Feena said, “and I’ll explain it all but first…” 

 She examined me for long enough that I shifted in place, but then, she dropped to the ground at my feet. 

 “You’ll have a kid soon, right?” she said. “And children demand stories from their parents at one point or another. Knowing you, you’ve probably thought about this, which has subsequently led to you freaking out about it even if you won’t show it. Why don’t you practice on me?” 

 Frowning, I wondered how this change in subject related to what Feena had been sharing. I knew it had to, otherwise she wouldn’t have diverted like this, but I didn’t see the connection. Even still, I’d play along. What harm could it do? 

 “All right,” I said. “What story am I telling?” 

 A stupid amount of energy infected Feena as she plunged her fists between her crossed legs. 

 “I want to hear the legend of the five saviors,” she chirped, every bit a child. 

 I narrowed my eyes at her. Hadn’t she brought this tale up at my party a month ago? 

 Bouncing in place, my sister started clapping her hands in front of her face. 

 “Sto-ry, sto-ry, sto-” 

 “Ok!” I said. “Impatient much?” 

 Grinning, Feena said, “Most children are.” 

 Goody… 

 Pulling the tale from memory took me a moment. Having my array retrieve a copy of it probably would have been faster, but then, it wouldn’t have been my legend of the five saviors, the one our teachers had told me and my siblings while growing up. Once I was ready, I leaned on my elbows and started. 

 “In another world, an evil empire ruled over five nations that weren’t theirs. The empire’s citizens did wicked things to the people who lived in the five nations. They did this for so long that the people of the five nations lost all hope of finding freedom again. 

 “Into this time, five people were born, one to match each nation. For years, they fought the evil empire, eventually pushing their enemy out of their home. To do this, they used the skills they would be named for. 

 “The negotiator charmed the empire with her honeyed words. The spymistress revealed the empire’s secrets for the world to see. The inventor used the empire’s own tech against it. The warmaster fooled the empire on the battlefield, and the legislator cleaned up after his friends, returning the five nations to order. 

 “After the empire left the five nations, the saviors—as their followers began calling them—and the empire’s agents continued fighting for so long that people forgot why they’d started in the first place, but even still, the two sides struggled, each to win out over the other. 

 “In the midst of this, a threat arose, one that would destroy not just the nations and the empire but the world itself. Fear of this threat drove the two enemies together, but even working as one, they could do nothing to stop it, and all seemed lost.” 

 I paused, a little unnerved by the rapt attention that Feena was showering on me. Her eyes were shimmering, and she was leaning toward me as if eager for my next words. Why was she getting so worked up about this story? During lesson rotations, we must have heard it a thousand times or more. 

 “What happened next?” she asked. 

 Licking my lips, I continued. 

 “During this time of darkness, a hero was born: Mother Time’s most blessed. With the help of the five saviors and the empire’s tech, he used his magic to defeat the threat for a time, delaying it until those left behind could create their own salvation. 

 “And thus, dear children, we learn that we must always look beyond our current problems and to the future…” 

 With a frown, I narrowed my eyes. 

 “Then, there’s something about relying on others as needed while also using your own strength. I think. I usually stopped listening when the storyteller got to the morals part of the tale.” 

 Laughing, Feena said, “That sounds about right for you.” 

 After wiping her eyes, she climbed onto the seat beside mine before patting my back. 

 “You’re not bad at that.” 

 “High praise indeed,” I said, keeping my lips from twitching. “Have any pointers for me, or will you tell me what that was about? Why’d you have me tell that particular story?” 

 Feena opened her mouth before looking away. I wondered if I’d have to poke her to get an answer, but eventually, she forced the words out. 

 “It’s not a story,” she said. “It’s a possible timeline, one whose events have been shared so often that they’ve become a legend.” 

 I could feel my head cocking, but I couldn’t stop myself from doing it. Possible… timeline? 

 “What does theoretical quantum mechanics have to do with anything?” I asked. 

 “I’ll get to that in a second,” Feena said. “We have one more diversion to make before I do.” 

 Sighing through my nose, I lifted my face skyward, shaking it. 

 “Well? Get on with it,” I said. 

 “As you say, most vaunted one.” 

 Snapping my head down, I glared at Feena, but she merely grinned at me before continuing. 

 “So, you know how after an mage hunt, Talira sometimes has you hand the mage over to an ii hunter rather than a House Zan kalasa?” she asked. 

 “Yes…” I drawled. “It’s usually done with the more dangerous ones.” 

 “Indeed. Nice observational skills,” Feena said, nodding. “Well, once you’ve gone on your merry way, we ii hunters take those powerful mages to a facility hidden in the Eastern Region.” 

 I went stiff while voices from the past whispered in my head. 

 ‘Our friends from the Eastern Reaches told me about you.’ 

 ‘You’ve made a trip to the southernmost point of the Eastern Reach3es.” 

 All said in reference to the mystery that Feena had first brought up. I- I might see the connection between these disjointed subjects, and considering it made me a little sick to my stomach. 

 “Are we hoarding mages?” I asked, rather than voice my suspicions. 

 Wrinkling her nose, Feena said, “No. I never said the facility was run by Kolb.” 

 “Who, then?” I asked. 

 I couldn’t see Talira putting powerful weapons like iisen into the hands of any House besides Zan, and that exception was only allowed because Zan was in charge of Ostiu and all the mages born there. 

 “A group unassociated with Lutov’s Houses,” Feena said. 

 When I bristled with a sharp inhale, she lifted a hand. 

 “I know. From that description alone, your heart’s probably racing with every sense heightened because it’s something you’ve always wanted. Am I right?” 

 Feena had no idea. She was right, although I wasn’t sure how she knew about that. I’d never told her about my lifelong goal. What she was describing did sound like a wet dream for my younger self, and because of that, my mouth had gone dry with such yearning in me. 

 But mixed with it was something so bitter that I was having trouble swallowing the sob stuck in my throat. I nodded anyway. 

 “It’s not what you think, Zae,” Feena said. 

 She dropped her gaze to her hands in her lap. 

 “Trust me. It’s not.” 

 “So, explain it,” I hissed through my teeth. 

 She glanced up at me, rubbing her thumbs together. 

 “A long time ago, the facility was operated by House Kolb,” she said. “Keeping dangerous mages away from the populace falls under the peacekeepers’ purview and killing a mage when it could still be useful seems stupid, right? That was how we justified it to the other Houses, at least. 

 “Anyway, several centuries ago, a girl ii just… showed up in the facility. After a bit of shock, she was taken into custody, and while testing her abilities, the Kolb members there learned that she had a type of magic we’d never seen before, one that hasn’t been encountered since.” 

 Stopping, Feena watched me with hooded eyes, as if she already knew the conclusions I was drawing. 

 Swallowing hard, I said, “Time manipulation.” 

 Feena gravely nodded, and I shouted at the screaming voice of fear in my head to hush. 

 Forcing words out of my mouth, I said, “Are you pulling a prank on me? This isn’t payback for…” 

 I trailed off because Feena had been speaking at the same time as me, mirroring my every inflection and cadence. How could she-? She was actually serious? 

 “Don’t think about it too hard, Zae. If you do, it’ll mess with your head, and we can’t have that,” she said. “All you need to know is that learning about this mage’s ability caused the formation of the group that I was telling you about. Their purpose is to ensure that we stay on the correct timeline.” 

 Well, my head was absolutely spinning now, but Feena was looking at me with such searching eyes, begging me to understand. 

 “Ok, I can… I can focus on the group and not their origin,” I said. “What does it have to do with you?” 

 Wincing, Feena said, “I’m one of them, have been for years.” 

 Mother Time, I really would be sick. It was like my sister was intent on punching me in the stomach with her revelations. 

 “Oh! And we’re called the Chosen,” she continued. 

 That wasn’t an ominous name at all. Squeezing my eyes closed, I rubbed my forehead. 

 “They want you to help me?” I asked. “Why?” 

 “No clue!” Feena chirped. “Honestly, Zae, I just do as I’m told. If I don’t, I know the consequences, and I won’t be the one who brings that on the world.” 

 Peering at her from beneath my hand, I said, “Consequences?” 

 She shook her head. 

 “I can’t tell you but trust me. It’s not something you’d want to know about,” she said, “and if you’re concerned about me withholding information from you, feel free to verify with Ko or our grandmother that it won’t harm Lutov, although you should refer to me as ‘a Chosen’ when it comes to Talira. She doesn’t know I’m one of them.” 

 “I’ll… do that,” I said. 

 All of this—the Chosen, time manipulation, the five saviors being real—had me a little numb, leaving my brain working too hard to process new information. I needed space. 

 “Why don’t you…?” I started before rubbing my eyes. “If you’re going deep cover with me, do you have a persona prepared?” 

 “I need to establish my base in House Cerullis but yes,” Feena said. “I’ll be ready to go by this evening.” 

 “You should get started on that, then,” I said. “Go inside. I’ll join you in a moment.” 

 “All right.” 

 Biting her lip, Feena looked like she wanted to say something else, but silently, she got to her feet and wandered into the apartment. I couldn’t do much more than stare at my hands for a time, unsure what to make of my sister’s claims, so outlandish and unbelievable, but at least they’d distracted me from Pheniks. 

 Hell. When had my siblings become sources of contention in my life? I could swear there’d been a time, not long ago, when they’d been my support, my strength when Korix or Leski couldn’t be, but no matter how short of a time had passed since then, it felt like those circumstances lay in the far distant past. 

 It didn’t matter. Like I’d told my grandmother, I needed to throw myself into my work. I couldn’t focus on the oddities and stressors in my world. 

Chapter 24: Goodbye Again
Unfortunately, I had one more stressor to handle before I could get started on this mission. 

 Leski and Korix answered my requests for connection almost immediately, like they’d been waiting for them. 

 “Love! Are you ok?” Leski asked. 

 Korix said nothing. 

 “I’m not hurt,” I said. 

 “Well.” 

 Leski heaved a relieved sigh. 

 “That’s fantastic,” she said. “Isn’t that right, Ko?” 

 “Yes…” Korix drawled. “Fantastic.” 

 Damnit, should I add his displeasure to the growing list of things going wrong in my life? 

 This series of events had started giving of the same feel as what I’d experienced during the Crescent Incident, decades ago, but I couldn’t let thoughts like that overtake me. Mother Time say that I’d learned enough since then to ensure this wouldn’t end so poorly. 

 “When can we expect you home?” Leski asked. 

 Rubbing my face, I said, “I don’t know. I’m going deep cover again. Apparently, we haven’t found the root of Lutov’s recent problems.” 

 I braced for their wave of indignation but got silence instead. That wasn’t a good sign. 

 “I see,” Leski said. 

 After another tense pause, I said, “I’m sorry. I want to come home-” 

 “It’s fine,” Leski interrupted. 

 Hell, she’d sounded like she was holding words back. I wished she’d just say them. 

 “Ko and I will continue making preparations on our end,” she said instead. “Good luck on your mission, Zae. I’d love to stay and talk more but-” 

 “Leski. It’s ok,” I said. “You’re allowed to be angry.” 

 “And I AM!” 

 Her shout rang in my head, and hearing it, I squeezed my eyes closed, pushing back the moisture that was trying to escape from me. In the last two months, I’d been a terrible partner to them both but mostly to her. My outrage when I’d learned about Niklaus’ outburst at our party had left her to deal with Korix alone. After putting my brother’s fate in Talira’s hands, my inability to keep my shit together had caused far too much distress for her. For them both. 

 “But not at you,” Leski soon continued. “I’m upset that life has chosen to batter us in this way, not that your job is taking you away from us again. I love you, Zaeden. You are one of the two people I cannot live without, and you’re my husband. You’ll have to do something a hell of a lot worse to get me mad at you.” 

 Despite myself, despite how much I didn’t deserve her faith in me, I smiled. 

 “I love you too, wife,” I said. 

 “Don’t. you. dare. You know I don’t like you calling me that. Mother Time, you can be an ass sometimes,” Leski hissed. “I need to go. Talira’s given me busy work to complete, probably trying to distract me from you.” 

 “Probably,” I said. “I’ll see you soon, love.” 

 “One can only hope,” Leski said. 

 She cut her connection, and I was left with a partner who’d been notably silent throughout that conversation. 

 “Ko?” I cautiously said. 

 “What are you doing, Zaeden?” was what I got in response. 

 Oo. Yeah, he was upset. 

 “You’ll need to be a bit more specific for me,” I said. 

 Laughter, manic on the edges, tumbled to me, and the first prickles of unease pushed into my consciousness. 

 “Are you trying to kill yourself?” Korix shouted. 

 I rocked back on the bench, so unexpected was this. Korix hardly ever raised his voice, even a century after the role of the Lokke Vitras had kept him from doing it. 

 “Or maybe you’re simply that determined to follow in my footsteps,” he continued. “Do you know when I first started seeing things, kuvesk? Hmm? It came shortly after my version of what you’re experiencing. I refused to take a break, threw myself into my work, and broke as a result, and look at you! You nearly drained yourself of what you need to live, and not twelve hours after that, you took another stressor to the capital, there to almost bleed yourself dry again . The way you’re acting right now, I’d be surprised if you last another decade as the Lokke Vitras, not the centuries that Lutov may yet require.” 

 Once he’d fallen silent, I didn’t reply for a moment, waiting for my eye to stop twitching. 

 When it had, I said, “I am not your student anymore, Korix. I have learned every lesson that you can give me, including everything that can be understood from your example. I know what I’m doing, and you need to trust me.” 

 A minute passed with my heart beating to the time of the seconds between. 

 “I do. I trust you more than anyone else,” Korix ground out. “I shouldn’t have exploded on you. It’s just… Talira sent me copies of last night’s feeds, and you have no idea how much pressure built in my chest while I was watching them. I couldn’t breathe, Zae.” 

 I held my hands over my face, making my voice emerge muffled. 

 “I can’t imagine what that was like. I’m sorry you saw those, Ko.” 

 After a beat of silence, Korix said, “Regret has no place in you, Zae.” 

 And I groaned, slapping my thighs. 

 “Really? Must you say things like that?” 

 “Always and forevermore,” Korix said. “How else am I supposed to get a rise out of you?” 

 Flushing, I said, “Excuse me. Isn’t being the irritating tease my role in this relationship?” 

 While he chuckled, I ignored what this exchange had really been. There was a problem here, one we needed to address, but it couldn’t be now, when I was forever away from him and about to start a mission, so instead, we covered it up with jokes and teasing. 

 I wasn’t worried about it, though, knowing Korix would bring the problem up after I’d come home. Brushing issues like this under the rug for years wasn’t our style, not anymore. 

 “You’re right, of course,” Korix said, laughing under his breath. “You know that I can never love you, right?” 

 Our old habit warmed me, sending a slow seep of blood to my every extremity. 

 “I know. Just as much as I can never love you,” I said. “You are the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

 “Don’t I know it,” Korix said. 

 But I’d heard the strain in his voice. I wondered if he’d heard the same from me. 

 “I have a question before I go deep cover,” I said. “It involves a group called the Chosen.” 

 “Ah.” 

 And nothing more. 

 “So, you know them?” I asked. 

 “I do. Unfortunately,” Korix said. “Your sister finally got around to telling you?” 

 “She did. Ko?” 

 “Yes?” 

 I didn’t know how to phrase this question, so I asked it without any padding to soften its blow. 

 “Why didn’t you tell me? And… can I trust Feena?” 

 Could I trust my sister when my brother had just betrayed Lutov, no matter how unwillingly? 

 “I didn’t tell you because it wasn’t my secret to share,” Korix said. “I wanted Feena to explain everything in her own time.” 

 “That’s… fair,” I said. 

 Unfavorable, but fair. 

 “As for trustworthiness, I’ve learned two things over my time working with the Chosen,” Korix said. “One is that everything they do is for the good of humanity and therefore, Lutov. You can put your faith in them.” 

 On hearing his confidence, a kernel of anxiety loosened in me. My sister wasn’t working to undermine what I did, not in this at least. 

 “And what’s the second thing?” I asked. 

 Korix said nothing for the longest time, and something insidiously apprehensive crawled up my spine, rattling my bones as a result. Eventually, he answered me. 

 “Every Chosen I’ve known had died before their time. Horribly.”

Chapter 25: Establishing a Foothold
Ahead of me, Third Stratus Laylah glided down the hall, drawing stares as she talked in an almost deafening manner. What those rude people didn’t realize was that she was speaking that loudly for my benefit. 

 Me, her bumbling buffoon of an assistant who’d always had a hard time with walking while taking notes. I missed another couple of words as I tripped over my own feet, wondering once more why Mother Time had cursed me. 

 Laylah stopped short, almost making me bowl her over, before glancing down both sides of the intersection we’d reached. 

 “Rylan, dear, are you sure about those directions the receptionist gave you?” she said with a distracted air about her. 

 I gulped. Retaining information was another of my weak spots. Who’d decided I’d make a good assistant again? 

 “I’m not sure, Third Stratus,” I said. “Let me pull the memory-” 

 “No, no. This is good!” Laylah said. “We can use it to meet our associates in the capital! Won’t that be nice?” 

 No. If Laylah went near other people, they’d eventually notice me, and it wouldn’t be long afterward before I did something to embarrass her. I didn’t want that. 

 Still, I sighed and said, “As you say, Third Stratus.” 

 Rounding on me, Laylah put a ridiculous pout on her face with her hands on her hips. 

 “How many times do I have to tell you to call me Laylah?” she asked. 

 I’d almost worked up the courage to do as she’d asked a few days ago, when we’d received the summons to headquarters. Leaving our outpost, deep in the Barasgami Mountains, had reset me to the first week after I’d been assigned as Laylah’s assistant but worse because now, I was worried that I’d ruin more than my reputation alone. 

 There were also a lot more people here. 

 “Maybe another couple dozen?” I said with a weak smile. 

 Bursting into laughter, Laylah clasped my shoulders, leaning on me, and I forced myself to keep my eyes on the ceiling. Eyes up! 

 “You’re so funny, Rylan!” Laylah gasped. 

 “I’m glad you think so,” I said. 

 All the while, I triggered the process that I’d written a while ago, one that stopped me from blushing. I’d had to use it a lot over the last few months. 

 “Didn’t you say that you wanted to meet new people?” I continued. 

 As the last word fell from my tongue, I bit it. Hard. What the hell had I been thinking? 

 “Yes, of course!” 

 Shooting upright, Laylah dragged me toward the closest clump of people. 

 I was still amazed that she was holding my hand like this. She’d started doing it this morning, as if the stress of being here had made her grab for the closest source of comfort, or at least, that was what I assumed. I was glad it had been me. 

 “Excuse me!” Laylah called as she stopped beside the group. “I’m Third Stratus Laylah, and this is Fourth Stratus Rylan. We’re new here and have lost our way. Could you tell us how to reach Aeronautics?” 

 Too many eyes landed on me at once, and a familiar surge of crawling fingers—long forgotten—climbed inside my skin. Fortunately, the strangers quickly focused on Laylah, sparing us a side effect of my worst failing. 

 “Welcome to Xygek. I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here so far,” a man in a lab coat said. 

 He smiled at Laylah with far too perfect teeth. 

 “I’m Fifth Stratus Harvel. A pleasure to meet you.” 

 When he bowed, I clenched my jaw, even if the man’s hand hadn’t gone to his neck. What was he thinking? Was he intimating that he was interested in giving Laylah his Favor? They’d just met! 

 “The same!” 

 Laylah looked pleased, which only made it worse. Did she want to encourage him with this cheerfulness? If not, I wished I could politely tell her what she was doing. She’d always been oblivious when it came to social interactions, especially of this sort. 

 Rising from his bow, Harvel flashed another smile. 

 “Aeronautics is fourteen floors up and on the other side of the building,” he said. “I’m surprised your… assistant? I’m surprised he couldn’t get you there. Headquarters’ layout is fairly simplistic. Even a bakava could navigate it.” 

 He met my eyes, and all I could do was blink as ice water washed down my spine. All the while, my body fought it, trying to bristle. The contradictory sensations started a war in me, so it came as a relief when Laylah spoke, drawing Harvel’s attention back to her. 

 “Then, I should be glad that Rylan got us lost,” she said. “I’d hate to have an assistant with the base intellect you’re suggesting, although it’s strange that you’d believe a child of Ibis is so mentally stunted. After all, was not Ashley one of their number? And she introduced us to the bloodsong and the concept of Mother Time, even if that was done with Jared’s help.” 

 Oh, hell. She was about to get started on a lecture about the events that had led to the Upheaval. That wasn’t a good subject to discuss in current times if one didn’t want to be ostracized. 

 “Third Stratus?” I interrupted. “Forgive me, but they’re expecting you upstairs.” 

 “Wha-?” 

 Laylah blinked at me for a moment before focusing. 

 “Yes. Yes! Thank you, Rylan,” she said. “And thank you for the directions, Harvel. It was nice to meet… at least one of you. If you’ll excuse me.” 

 She’d rattled off her farewell like each sentence had been a line in a bulleted checklist, leaving the people in front of her speechless, but as always, Laylah didn’t care. Within thirty seconds, I was scrambling to keep up with her again. At least she wasn’t distracting me with notes this time. 

 “That went well, I think,” she said with a giggle. 

 Still moving, she turned to me, and delight dropped off of her face. Immediately, her pace slowed down. 

 “I’m sorry. I forgot that you don’t like being around so many people,” she said. “Doing process work in the isolation we had back home didn’t help with that, did it?” 

 Again, I used my process to keep from blushing. I should start keeping track of how many times I did that a day. 

 “It’s fine,” I distractedly said, creating a file. “I’ll get used to the crowds soon enough, and my clumsiness was slowing me down more than anything else.” 

 Freezing, I increased the number in my new file by one. 

 “Aw, but your clumsiness is what makes you cute,” Laylah said. 

 Ruffling my hair, she continued toward the lifts, leaving me with a pit in my stomach. Cute. She thought I was cute. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I took off after Laylah, reaching her as she set a floor into the lift’s control. 

 “See you soon!” she chirped before backing into the lift. 

 I eyed the hole in the floor, only made non-lethal by an invisible force. Don’t get me wrong. I was well aware that lifts were safe, but that made them no less intimidating. Even so, it was where Laylah had gone, so I let my lungs stutter to a halt, but I stepped into the lift. 

 When we eventually found it, Aeronautics… confused me. I’d expected a hangar or an observatory, but all we found on stepping into the department were waist-heigh counters, dividing the lobby into rows. Random pieces of tech had been scattered across them, some of which were in the middle of assembly, and stools lined both sides. Enormous armchairs and a few tables filled a smaller portion of the room. People occupied all parts of this place, but in that portion, they were waving at the air, as if using their arrays. 

 “Come along, Rylan,” Laylah said. 

 She was already on the other side of the room, having made the crossing while I’d been distracted. As I trotted after her, the people around me stopped what they’d been doing to watch, but no one intercepted my scurry to the far side, thank Mother Time. 

 Once through a second set of doors, we moved through Aeronautics in hops and skips. Laylah stopped to exclaim about the projects that we found inside, not that I could blame her for that. There was some truly fascinating stuff in here: designs that I’d have never thought of trying. Eventually, Laylah squeaked another wordless exclamation before making a turn into the lab beside us. Where we’d be working, I assumed. 

 To my surprise, it was filled with displays and storecases. I’d expected fancy equipment, including holographic representations of what we were studying, but considering what Laylah and I had left in the Barasgami Mountains—our single telescope and pair of storecases—what we’d found here made sense. 

 Most people in the lab weren’t wearing PPE. In fact, they looked like they’d strolled into headquarters from the park outside. Several of them were seated in front of displays, focused on their work, but one was on her feet, leaning on a man’s desk so she could examine his work. When we stepped inside, she glanced up, patting the man’s shoulder. 

 “You must be Third Stratus Laylah,” she said as she approached us. “We’ve been expecting you.” 

 “I’m guessing you’re Janyka,” Laylah said. 

 Thrusting out her hand, she grinned, and on seeing the other woman’s step falter, I winced. Giving Laylah an odd look, Janyka shook her hand before turning on me. 

 “Which makes you the assistant,” she said. “I’m sorry. Your name wasn’t in my report.” 

 Sure, it hadn't been. Still, I broadly smiled, returning the woman’s greeting before Laylah could puff up with indignation. 

 “Quite all right, Second Stratus. I’m sure you’ve been busy,” I said. “My name’s Rylan.” 

 Behind Janyka, Laylah made a face, probably realizing she’d left off the woman’s title when saying hello, but I hardly noticed this. Janyka had yet to take her eyes off of me, which was drawing the attention of the other people in the lab, and I made myself focus on my breathing and not on how badly I needed to squirm. 

 “Forgive me, Second Stratus, but where would you like us?” Laylah said. “Now that we’re here, I’m eager to get started.” 

 When Janyka turned to her, she dragged everyone else’s gazes along as well, and relaxing, I absently rubbed at an arm. 

 “From what I remember, you require silence for your work, yes?” Janyka said. 

 Flicking her eyes to me, Laylah smiled. 

 “That’s right,” she said. “It’s hard to pick patterns out of the background noise of space when someone’s typing right next to you.” 

 Frowning, I narrowed my eyes at her. Since when had that been a requirement for her job? I’d heard her singing along to thrasher music while working before. 

 “All right,” Janyka said. “We have a soundproofed cubicle next door that you can use. Feel free to visit us whenever you want, though. I’m sure Krish—that’s who we report to—will want to see your face every so often.” 

 Stiffening to attention, Laylah said, “Yes, Second Stratus.” 

 This display had everyone blankly staring at her, of course. I doubted they understood what Laylah was doing: poking fun at Janyka by imitating a soldier from ibis. That was fine, though. Soon enough, Laylah relaxed with another bright smile. 

 “May I get myself set up?” she asked. 

 Janyka swept a hand toward the door, and with a chirped ‘thanks’, Laylah skipped through it. As I followed her, I ignored the whispers rising behind us. 

 The cubicle that Janyka had mentioned was almost too cramped for two people to use, but Laylah and I made do. As usual, she gave me a long list of processes that she wanted me to analyze, but before I got started, I cleared my throat, preemptively increasing the number in my newly created file. 

 “I didn’t know that you like quiet in your workspace,” I said. “If I’ve been bothering you with that, please-” 

 “Oh, Rylan, you sweetheart,” Laylah interrupted while throwing an arm around me. “I don’t care about the noise. I just wanted to get away from them.” 

 She squeezed me, which made me glad that I’d already adjusted the number in my file. 

 “They may have ‘asked’ me to come here, and I may be making the best of our situation, but that doesn’t mean I want to be in Xygek.” 

 Releasing me, she returned to her work while I considered what she’d said. If she didn’t want to be here, did that mean she wanted to go home? Did that mean she wanted to be alone again? Alone with me? 

 Getting started on my assigned processes took far longer than it should have, and by the time I’d fallen into the flow of it, only another hour would pass before the workday was over. Even so, I continued on, frowning as I did. 

 Most of these processes were what I’d expect to see from Laylah, what I’d worked with since becoming her assistant, but some were… different. In other circumstances, I could see my work being used to crack security processes and advanced ones at that. 

 But Laylah couldn’t have me doing that. 

 At the end of the day, she and I returned to the lab. There was no sign of our superior, Krish, but we made our farewells to Janyka before leaving headquarters. 

 When planning this trip, Laylah had gotten us quarters in neighboring, temp apartments, which I appreciated. It gave me another few minutes with her every day. She was quiet on our walk home, which was unusual, but I didn’t think anything of it, or I didn’t until we reached our housing’s location. Meeting my eyes, Laylah inclined her head toward her apartment’s door. 

 “Would you like to come in?” she asked. “I could use some company, and there’s a bottle of brandy inside, just waiting for someone to open it.” 

 I was… confused. What was she suggesting? 

 …Why was I questioning it? 

 “All right. Sounds fun,” I said. 

 Flashing a grin at me, Laylah strode into the apartment with me on her heels, and when the door closed, a lock thunked into place. Curious as to why we needed that extra layer of security, I opened my mouth to ask about it, pausing when I saw the absent look in Laylah’s eyes. After a moment, air whooshed out of her, and she rolled her neck before kneading it. 

 “Mother Time, I hate deep-cover work,” she said. 

 …Wha-? 

 An alert popped up, flashing T.R.O.U.B.L.E. into my vision, and squeezing my eyes closed, I turned to the side, fighting to keep my stomach calm. Oh… what the fuck, Rylan? 

 “You ok?” Feena asked. 

 Which only made my stomach dance harder. I lifted a finger toward my sister, taking deep breaths, and when I could, I lowered my hand from my mouth. 

 “We… have a problem,” I gasped. 

 Trudging into the kitchen, I collapsed into a chair, and Feena sat opposite me, holding her face perfectly still. 

 “What’s the issue?” she asked. 

 When I tried to speak, another bout of gagging shut me up, and I had to vigorously wipe my mouth once it was done. 

 “Rylan’s attracted to Laylah,” I managed to say. 

 Shuddering, I scrubbed at my arms while Feena’s mouth dropped open. 

 “Ah,” she squeaked. 

 She couldn’t say anything more for a time, and as she formed a response, I took turns between nervously watching her and scanning the room. 

 Clearing her throat, Feena said, “Are you…?” 

 “No!” I yelped, shooting upright. “No way in hell, Feena. My personas are in no way, shape, or form me. In many ways, they’re completely separate people.” 

 “I see.” 

 While Feena absorbed this, I noticed that my fingers were tapping on the table, and with an internal groan, I quashed my anxiety and self-disgust. How had I let those emotions creep up on me? They weren’t helpful at all, not when I was on a mission like this. 

 “I’ve never heard of a persona complex enough to change who you are, but if anyone could do that, it would be you,” Feena said. “It explains why you were so in-depth when grilling me about my persona last night, at least.” 

 Leaning into my chair, I crossed my legs, folding my hands in my lap. 

 “When it comes to personas, I’ve always been all or nothing,” I said. “You have no idea how many times Ko lectured me about finding a balance between those extremes when I was the Lokke Vitras to come.” 

 Wincing, Feena sucked in a hissing breath. 

 “That must have been fun.” 

 Shrugging one shoulder, I said, “When it came to small things like that, I learned to ignore him. Don’t you dare tell him I said that, though.” 

 My sister burst into laughter, and I struggled to ignore how much her delight pinched my heart, much like I had with other things over the last day. What Korix had told me about the Chosen last night… 

 I wasn’t ignoring it, but I was putting off its consideration until after this mission was over. That task could sit with everything else I’d need to confront during the month Talira had promised me. 

 The fastest way to dispel that shitstorm, though, was to pour my heart and soul into this mission, completing it as quickly as possible. 

 “So obviously, I should keep my distance from Rylan in the future. Besides that, I think today went rather well,” Feena said. “We left our team in a sweet spot. They’ll think we’re strange enough to avoid but mysterious enough to find intriguing. Given that, should we discuss anything else tonight? I’d like to watch a holodrama before bed.” 

 Bed… Mother Time, didn’t that sound good right now? I’d love to lose myself in the oblivion of sleep. 

 But if I relaxed now, I was concerned about what I might do. The last few days’ events might be hovering over me, yes, but that didn’t mean they’d stay there. At any minute, they could start raining down, long before I was ready, and when I thought about that, I felt the cold steel of a blade in my hand. 

 So, I said, “We should talk about how we’ll handle tomorrow.” 

 Hanging her head, Feena sighed before retrieving a bottle of brandy. 

 “All right,” she said, slamming it onto the table. “Hit me.”

Chapter 26: When to Take a Break
“You think that Alan would surrender to those from beyond the stars?” I said, staring at Damari. “Really?” 

 On the other side of my bed, my friend shrugged. 

 “Normally, I’d say no but…” they drawled, “Soefi’s involved this time, and everyone knows that Alan would move mountains to keep her safe. Ya know… he reminds me of you in that regard.” 

 Pointing at me, they giggled when I made a face at them, but besides that, I didn’t respond to what they’d said, too lost in a sudden surge of homesickness. I’d been deep cover in House Cerullis for two weeks now, meaning I sorely missed Korix and Leski. Even with the breaks that I got every night, I hadn’t contacted them, as was our practice, because while they were of enormous help when it came to keeping me stable, they were also gigantic distractions, unlike Damari. 

 Leaning toward me, my friend rested their hand a hairsbreadth from my thigh. 

 “Problem, LV?” they asked. 

 I shook my head. 

 “No. Just missing Leski and Ko a bit.” 

 “Ah,” Damari said, sagely nodding. “They’re good, by the way, or they were when I saw them a few days ago, which reminds me!” 

 They flicked a finger toward me, and a message flashed into my array. 

 “Leski wanted me to give you that,” they said as I opened it. “Apparently, our shukusen has given you permission to attend one of her concerts, so long as you go in disguise.” 

 “That’s kind of Talira,” I said, glancing over the dates in the message. “This is the list of upcoming performances, I take it?” 

 Shrugging, Damari made vague ‘I don’t know’ noises before swaying in place. I kept an eye on them while comparing Leski’s special nights against my schedule, snorting when my friend threw their head back. 

 “Ugh! This waiting is maddening! I don’t know how you do it,” they said. “Watching Favored Alan and the Sanguine is fun and all, but not when there’s a mission to be done.” 

 “Welcome to my life,” I said with a grin. 

 Dramatically groaning, Damari tossed themselves to the side, landing on the bed hard enough to bounce me. They buried their face in a pillow while I chuckled. 

 “Don’t worry. Feena and I will be leaving soon, and you’ll come right after us,” I said. “Think you can wait that long?” 

 Damari turned their head toward me, enough to glare with one eye, while a pillow muffled their answer. I climbed out of bed, taking the three steps needed to enter the apartment’s kitchen, and glanced at my friend over the counter that separated it from the bedroom. 

 “Do you want a snack before we go?” I said. “I don’t know your routine before a mission.” 

 Making a face, Damari got up to lean on the counter. 

 “I’ll have something soon,” they said before turning serious. “Are you sure you want me on this mission, LV? I haven’t done one in ages, and I kinda… stick out.” 

 They glanced at their body, which I pointedly didn’t look at. I’d gotten my look-over when they’d shown up at the apartment, so I knew the truth of their words. I could tell they’d toned down their appearance for this. They’d modified their hair to a drab brown, and their clothes weren’t more brightly colored than the average Lutovish’s, but something about Damari just drew people’s attention, a magnetic personality that would be crippling for an operative.  

 Thank Mother Time they were a pilot. 

 “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re perfect for what I need,” I said. “Plus, you’re the only person I can trust with…” 

 Biting my tongue, I looked away, which made my friend shift. 

 “It’s not a weakness,” they said. “I think it’s amazing that your persona gets as embedded as he does, and I look forward to jarring you out of it.” 

 “Ko would disagree with you,” I said. 

 Clicking their tongue, Damari said, “Well, excuse me, but I believe the last hundred years have proven that the mighty Korix isn’t always right about everything.” 

 With a laugh, I rolled my head toward them. 

 “That’s true,” I said, “but hey! Enough about me. How have you been? I should have asked when you first showed up but-” 

 “You were that excited to see me?” Damari interrupted with a gasp. 

 Rolling my eyes, I faced the refectory, punching in the commands for it to make me a snack. 

 “Sure. So?” 

 “Uhhhmmm… Um, um, um…” Damari said before blowing a strand of hair out of their eyes. “I don’t know what to tell you, LV. Life’s been boring lately.” 

 “So, no problems with partners or family?” I said. “No interesting flights or annoying meetups with friends or other high Strata?” 

 Opening the refectory, I retrieved my snack while digging for a spoon, and taking a first bite, I made a face. That was another thing that I couldn’t wait to have again: a well-stocked kitchen. Meanwhile, Damari had wrinkled their nose at me. 

 “Partners? Meaning romantic entanglements?” they said and when I nodded. “Ew! No, thank you. You can keep that all to yourself. How do you not know that about me?” 

 Leaning my elbows on the counter, I lifted my yogurt in front of my face with a shrug. 

 “I always assumed that romance wasn’t your thing, but I’ve never actually confirmed it,” I said. “I should have done that before now, huh?” 

 “Nah. If I wanted you to avoid the topic, I should have mentioned it before. I was just a little… I don’t know. Scared?” Damari said. “Before they joined the Collective, my parents would get on my case about finding a partner, and while my baby sister, Misah, is supportive, she doesn’t get it. None of them have tried to be hurtful about it, but... yeah. I don’t want that from anyone else.” 

 Sucking on my spoon, I nodded. 

 “Some people can’t understand. I’d tell you I’m sorry, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear it,” I said, which had Damari guffawing. “Your life’s really been a bunch of routine flights since that disastrous party six weeks ago?” 

 With mock severity, Damari said, “I like my routine life, thanks. Dealing with you is about as much excitement as I can take. Not all of us can have as adventurous of a life as you, you know.” 

 Wincing, I pushed myself upright, tossing my waste in the recycler. 

 “Trust me. If I could, I’d take a boring life over this one in a heartbeat,” I said before turning to my friend with a smile. “Will you be ok by yourself for a bit? I’d like to get started.” 

 “Sure!” Damari said. “Maybe I’ll have a snack like you.” 

 “Pick something light if you do,” I said. “See you in a bit.” 

 My friend’s farewell followed me outside, and two steps later, I was knocking on my sister’s door. She answered it near instantly, making me wonder whether she’d been waiting nearby. 

 “I’m guessing you’re ready,” I said, lifting an eyebrow. 

 “You’d guess right,” Feena said. 

 Stepping around me, she took the lead toward House Cerullis’ headquarters, and for a while, we walked in silence. Once we’d reached the park in the middle of Xygek, however, Feena glanced over her shoulder. 

 “You’re sure about this?” she said. 

 Somehow, I kept from rolling my eyes. This again? 

 “Which part?” I asked. “The details of the mission or what Laylah and Rylan’s team is planning to do tonight?” 

 Crossing her arms, Feena slowed down so that she was walking beside me. 

 “Which do you think?” she asked. 

 The second. The issue we’d been offhandedly bickering about since our superior had revealed the first step in our team’s extended project. 

 “I don’t see any harm in letting them continue with their experiment,” I said. “In what way could it negatively impact Lutov?” 

 “Besides the possibility that it becomes a cataclysmic event?” Feena said. 

 Shaking my head, I said, “That’s not likely. I’ve looked over the team’s equations and equipment far too many times. The chances of something going wrong are ridiculously small, although maybe…” 

 Biting my lip, I hugged myself. 

 “Maybe I should have had Phen check my work.” 

 Feena jerked her head forward while her casual stride became a march. With so many weeks having passed since the raid on House Zan, everyone in the family knew what I’d done to Pheniks, and while mom and dad were struggling to play mediator between us, my sister had resolutely stayed out of it. I knew she had an opinion about what had happened, but she refused to discuss it with me, even after I’d asked her to. I didn’t blame her for that, but still, it hurt. 

 When she said nothing for several, awkward minutes, I said, “I should get into persona.” 

 As had become a trend in recent weeks, I was happy to do that. I thought about who I was, and soon enough, I shook my head. Why had I been acting so morose? It was a beautiful day with the setting sun casting a tapestry of colors in the sky, and I was on my way to help with Cerullis’ most notable experiment in decades. 

 If that wasn’t enough, Laylah was at my side. Maybe she was the problem, though. Laylah had been withdrawn in recent days. She hadn’t once been hostile toward me, but she’d been distant, and I wasn’t sure how I’d upset her. 

 I couldn’t let it get to me, though. I had to be supportive of her, no matter what. 

 As soon as we walked into headquarters, my skin started crawling, as usual. That sensation might have diminished since coming to Xygek, but it hadn’t vanished, and I doubted it ever would. 

 Fortunately, Laylah took us to the lifts, refusing to get distracted by the many wonders displayed here, and when we entered Aeronautics, she breezed toward our assigned observatory, ignoring people’s attempts at making small talk. 

 I particularly enjoyed Fifth Stratus Harvel’s look as we passed him. That man had yet to stop showering Laylah with affection, even with her never having reciprocated. 

 In the observatory, someone had already started a projection of our satellite’s feed, and thank Mother Time, a snack table was on the other side of the room. 

 “Would you like a cup of caf?” I asked, pointing at it. 

 “Hmm?” Laylah said. “Oh, yes, Rylan. That would be lovely.” 

 Most of our team had already assembled, which meant I had to skirt my way around them. I listened to several of them grumbling about the late hour, all while chuckling to myself. Back home, Laylah and I used to stay up later than this so we could manually adjust our telescope as needed. 

 Once at the table, I waited for a drone to reheat cups of caf, watching the projected sun as it rotated in the center of the room. For decades, I’d been numbed to the magnificence of that natural wonder, but seeing it blown up here, towering above me, I was reminded of my first years in House Cerullis, still fully enamored with everything we studied. As always, though, it bothered me that what I was observing was about eight minutes behind what was happening in that far-distant place, impinging on my sense of wonder, but then, that was what we were fixing tonight. 

 When I was back at Laylah’s side, I handed off one cup of caf while sipping at mine. She’d surrendered to social pressure, chatting with colleagues. We wouldn’t get started for a while, so I idly listened to Laylah’s’ conversation until something in it caught my interest. 

 “-do you suppose we’re going with this?” said the man in the group. 

 Isolated as Laylah and I had been, I hadn’t learned my teammates’ names yet. I should get on that. 

 Sucking on a lip, the woman beside him said, “I heard this wasn’t Krish’s idea. I heard that the order for this experiment came from shukusen Sanya herself.” 

 Now that, I hadn’t known. 

 “Regardless,” the man said, “why would anyone in Cerullis want to open a wormhole between our world and the sun? It could be dangerous!” 

 “Come now. Both ends of it will be far from those spatial bodies,” Laylah said, “but still, it’s a good question. Maybe shukusen Sanya wants more accurate readings from our satellites? Mother Time knows that being so far behind has been frustrating. Even still, if something goes wrong with our sun, I don’t know what we could do with only eight minutes warning.” 

 I could think of several ways to use it. Saying goodbye to family. Resolving unfinished business. 

 “Confessing your feelings for someone.” 

 I didn’t realize that I’d spoken that last thing aloud until the others stared at me, and a blush started spreading across my face. What the hell had I just said? 

 Fortunately, a commotion soon came to end my misery. From the observatory’s entrance, an exclamation of shock dragged the group’s gazes that way, and when I joined them, I cocked my head. 

 Janyka was standing in the door, blocking an… individual—I thought—from entering, and at first, I wasn’t sure why she was doing that. This experiment wasn’t restricted to anyone in Aeronautics, and the stranger didn’t seem threatening. In fact, they were rather plain in appearance, even if something about them was off. 

 Huh. 

 Curious, I requested their status, and a second later, it popped into my array. The stranger held Third Stratus, which was well and good. Expected, even. When I read what House they were from, though, I sucked in a breath. 

 Kolb. The fuck was any member of House Kolb doing here? 

 Oh, no. Had someone on our team attracted that violent House’s attention, and if they had, why? No one here was young enough to have missed the horror of the last time Kolb and Cerullis had been at odds. 

 Sighing, the stranger crossed their arms. 

 “-to test some new…” they said with their words barely audible. “You requested… pilot.” 

 Janyka hissed something at them, probably berating them for the interruption, before thrusting a finger down the hall, and rolling their eyes, the stranger scanned the room, briefly resting their eyes on me before moving on. 

 “GET OUT!” Janyka shouted. 

 Tensing, the stranger lifted their hands and backed out of the room. When the door had slid shut behind them, Janyka stormed back to the storecase she’d been working on, and across the room, conversations slowly resumed, including the one I’d been part of. 

 I wasn’t paying attention to it, though, because I’d received a message, one who’s sender was… me. What was I to make of this, other than its impossibility? I didn’t remember writing or sending any such message, and besides that, if I had done something so bizarre, I would have sent it the moment before receiving it, which wasn’t possible. I’d have noticed doing something like that. 

 Unless I’d used a proxy. Say I had written this message, however long ago that might have been. I could have given it to a third party so they could send it at a later date, and if left unopened, the proxy would have left such a faint trace on the message that my array wouldn’t have noted their touch. I could dig deeper and find out who they’d been, but that seemed unnecessary, considering their likely identity. Why on earth, though, would I have associated with a member of House Kolb, and why didn’t I remember something as significant as meeting one of them? Was this message even mine? 

 There was only one way to answer those questions. When I opened the message, however, I found only one word waiting for me. 

 T.R.O.U.B.L.E. 

 Taking a slow breath, I barely kept myself from rubbing my eyes and temples. Rylan was learning. If I wasn’t careful, he could take over, at least until Talira sent a Second Stratus to knock me out of it. She’d never had to do that before, but there was always a first. 

 Focusing, I turned to the conversation that Laylah-Feena was participating in, hoping I hadn’t missed my chance but no. They were still talking about Damari. 

 “Why do you suppose they were here?” Second Stratus Aveela said. “Was it to test an aircraft, like they said?” 

 “Possibly. That half of Aeronautics has Kolb’s best pilots do test runs for them sometimes,” Fourth Stratus Tavik said, “but I doubt it. Not only is it late, but I find it highly suspicious that they showed up tonight, of all nights.” 

 Oh, look. Another example of how suspicious the members of Houses other than Kolb were of them, not that they were wrong to feel that way. With this suspicion, though, I had my opening. 

 “Maybe they were here because something’s controlling us again. Maybe that’s why shukusen Sanya’s been so focused on the sun recently,” I said. “It couldn’t be the Ancients, but maybe those from beyond the stars have once more taken an interest in us.” 

 My portion of the observatory went quiet with nearby scientists glaring at me. I started squirming like Rylan would, but I didn’t have to continue with that performance for long. After all, what I’d said was the signal that Feena and I had established before coming here tonight. 

 “Rylan, I forgot! I had another round of processes for you to review before tomorrow morning,” Laylah-Feena said. “If you want to get them done in time, you should get started, don’t you think?” 

 With my array forcing blood into my cheeks, I bowed to her. 

 “Yes, Third Stratus,” I said. 

 As I turned away, Laylah-Feena whispered to the others. 

 “You’ll have to forgive Rylan. He’s very socially awkward…” 

 But then, I was out of hearing range. I made my way to the door with jerky steps, casting a last look at the projected sun. It was too bad. I’d have loved to watch the creation of Lutov’s first artificial wormhole. 

 The door closed, cutting off my view, and relaxing, I finished shaking Rylan off while heading for the rendezvous point.

Chapter 27: Initial Investigation
When I entered Laylah-Feena and Rylan’s private cubicle, Damari was doing a good job of maintaining a calm demeanor. Well. A good job for them. They were tapping their fingers on their bouncing knee, but that was their only concession to their persistent restlessness. 

 Jumping to their feet, they said, “So, it worked?” 

 I gave them an odd look. 

 “What worked?” I said. “I’m sorry. Who are you, and what are you doing in my workspace?” 

 With their mouth dropping open, Damari tensed, flicking their eyes over the cubicle. 

 “I’m… um… I… got… lost?” they said, rubbing the back of their neck. “I thought-” 

 Oh, this was painful and hilarious to watch. Laughing, I waved for my friend to calm down. 

 “Damari. It’s ok,” I said. “I was just messing with you.” 

 Clicking their teeth together, my friend glared at me. 

 “You know, I get pranked often enough by your wife,” they said. “I don’t need you adding to it.” 

 “Shouldn’t have decided to be my friend, then,” I said, sticking out my tongue. “Besides, you like it.” 

 “Wha-?” Damari sputtered. “I don’t like it. Why would you think I-?” 

 “In any case, we should get started,” I interrupted. “Are you ready?” 

 My friend’s face was crimson now, and they’d narrowed their eyes to slits. 

 “I was ready before you came in here,” they growled. “Now, I’m just irritated.” 

 “Not a bad place to starts an infiltration mission from,” I said. “Come on.” 

 Damari grumbled to themselves as they followed behind me, but that was ok. The sight of a disgruntled person, scientist or otherwise, was fairly common in this place. 

 As Zaeden, walking through Aeronautics was strange for me. A century ago, I’d stumbled down these corridors with an Ancient stuck in my head, one that had been fighting to break through my control so it could torture me into a living death. I’d thought my brother was dead, and my grief had been what had driven me to this building in the first place. In addition, a new scene had waited for me around every corner, since I’d never stepped foot inside of it before. 

 As before, I’d once more lost Pheniks, if not to something as permanent as death, but now, I knew each of the Houses’ headquarters well, and while this floor might be devoted to only Aeronautics instead of designated as a secret lab, its architecture was the same. At least this time, I didn’t have to worry about sneaking around while heading to the lifts. 

 Once we reached them, Damari and I flew to the top of the tower, stepping out on the floor below Sanya’s office, and as expected, it was deserted, hence why I’d decided to make a move tonight. With the high Strata home for the evening and the plausible deniability of my team’s experiment to give me cover, it had been too good of an opportunity to waste. 

 At a swift stride, I led Damari along, bypassing the offices on either side of us. My friend kept giving me odd looks for this—the information we wanted might be in those offices, after all—but their curiosity had been expected. I hadn’t told them the details of tonight’s mission, afraid it might scare them off, and I hadn’t wanted to use my authority on them. Who wanted to order a friend around when they might volunteer to help instead? So, when we glided into First Stratus Teag’s office, they glanced around curiously, probably wondering why I’d chosen this room out of all the ones available to us. 

 “Nice digs,” they commented. 

 Shoving their hands in their pockets, they started circling the room. 

 “Mm,” I said. “I’ve got the storecase, and I’m monitoring the hallway outside. Can you look for physical clues while I do that? Tonight’s target might have hidden something in a book or a similarly tiny hiding space, assuming he’s part of this conspiracy, of course.” 

 “You got it, LV!” Damari said. 

 As they messed with items on the nearby shelves, I had my array scour the First Stratus’ storecase for any mentions of a neurotoxin or other suspicious language. While it worked, I stared at the desk in the center of the room, ignoring a woman’s flickering ghost on the other side of it. 

 It shouldn’t have surprised me that this place hadn’t changed since the Ancient’s Crisis. Yes, the room was smaller than Aeronautics, making it easier to renovate, but it was the traditional office of Cerullis’ First Stratus, and none of the Houses liked changing tradition, not for anyone lower Stratus than a shukusen at least. 

 Sighing, I turned away from a source of aching guilt to help Damari with their search. I didn’t get far with this, however, before the feed from a recorder in the hall outside had me stiffening. Shoving my current book back on its shelf, I touched Damari’s shoulder as I passed them. 

 “With me,” I said. 

 Striding to the back wall, I passed through its painted landscape with my friend on my heel. 

 “Is this a bolt hole? Cool!” they said. “How did you know this was-?” 

 Spinning on Damari, I shoved them into a wall with a hand over their mouth. The glow of the lift beside us illuminated their indignant expression in the split second that it took First Stratus Teag and shukusen Sanya to stride into the office. Unless my friend had accessed the room’s recorders, they wouldn’t have seen the leaders of Cerullis coming inside, not with the hologram blocking our vision, but we both heard their footsteps, and once Damari understood what I’d done, they nodded for me to remove my hand. Together, we listened with bated breath, and I watched Teag lean against his desk while Sanya collapsed into a chair in front of him. 

 “It’s done,” she said, “which makes part one a success. Why am I not more relieved?” 

 “Because the other Houses will give us hell when they learn about the resources we’ve used tonight,” Teag said before resting a hand on the shukusen’s shoulder, “but hey! You shouldn’t think about that right now. I know you like to worry about the future, but we need to focus on the present. We have our wormhole. We have near instantaneous communication between here and the sun. That’s something to celebrate.” 

 “I know! I just-” 

 Dropping her face into her hands, Sanya rubbed it. 

 “Why can’t the others see the threat that we face?” she said with her voice muffled. “Why won’t anyone listen to us?” 

 They were both quiet while I exchanged a glance with Damari. I wasn’t sure what my friend was thinking, but I was trying to figure out what Sanya and Teag were doing. Now that I knew Laylah-Feena and Rylan’s team had created a wormhole on the order of Cerullis’ shukusen, I was curious about what came next in their plan. 

 I was also concerned that Talira might soon send me here on a deep cover mission, all to investigate these two. Nothing they’d said had indicated that they were planning to hurt Lutov—the Houses kept secrets all the time, as was their right—but I could see this secret turning into something I’d need to handle, and I truly hoped it didn’t. I’d been looking forward to properly meeting Sanya. 

 With a sigh, Teague pushed himself off of his desk. 

 “Give me your hands,” he said. 

 Ok. That had been more familiar than most people were with their shukusen . Sanya didn’t seem to mind, lifting her head before hesitantly giving her hands to Teag. With a smile, he tugged her to her feet before leaning down for a kiss. 

 For a moment, all I could do was dumbly blink at what I was watching. I’d had my suspicions that something had been going on between those two, but this was a hell of a way to confirm it. 

 When the kiss deepened, I pushed the feed to a corner of my vision, hoping Sanya and Teag wouldn’t go any further than this. I’d never had a problem with watching people please one another, but doing it without them knowing I was there just felt wrong . 

 Unfortunately, I couldn’t close the feed. I couldn’t rely on audio alone when at any moment, Teag or Sanya could use this bolt hole to leave. I’d need the seconds that visuals would give me to get down the lift myself. So even with me unfocusing my eyes to blur Sanya and Teag’s forms, I saw hands going under clothes, and I heard their gasps and moans growing more passionate. 

 I also heard Damari gag. They’d plastered their hands to their ears with their eyes squeezed shut, and wincing, I tapped their arm. When they met my gaze, I jerked my head toward the lift.  

 “Meet at my apartment,” I said in sub-vocals. 

 Gulping, Damari leapt at the lift, making no noise, and I got the distinct pleasure of staying behind, but I could deal with that. This wasn’t the first time I’d been caught in such an awkward situation, although that didn’t make it any easier. 

 Fortunately, I’d learned a few tricks over the years. While I waited, I reviewed that I’d pulled from Teag’s storecase before I’d been interrupted. I didn’t find anything helpful, of course. In the century I’d been doing this, I could count on one hand when I’d gotten answers on a first fishing attempt. 

 I did, however, run across some amusing correspondences, but only one of them caught my eye. Over the last few weeks, Second Stratus Krish had sent Teag several messages about Fifth Stratus Harvel, the man who’d been bothering my sister. Apparently, Harvel had some… interesting views about how Cerullis should handle the other Houses. To be fair to him, they seemed spawned out of frustration with the discrimination that members of House Cerullis still dealt with, even this many years after the Ancients Crisis. 

 All of this was concerning. I mentally noted to look into him later, or maybe I could ask Talira- 

 On the other side of the hologram, Sanya said, “We should get an overnight. It’s not safe here.” 

 With a pained groan, Teag nodded his blobby head. 

 “You go first,” he said. “I’ll meet you there.” 

 Swallowing hard, Sanya spun, quickly leaving, and after a good three minutes, Teag followed her. Thank. Mother. Time. 

 I stayed in place until after they’d left the building, and when I stepped back into the office, an unexpected wave of exhaustion hit me. Careful not to touch anything, I sank to the floor, leaning against a wall, while my array finished its scan. 

 Why were Teag and Sanya hiding their relationship? Plenty of shukusenth and First Strata had had romantic relationships in the past. Hell, my dad had come from a brief fling between Talira and another House’s First Stratus. Though short, that relationship had still been serious enough to warrant each party committing to raising a child. She’d never told us which of the First Strata it had been, but I had my guesses. 

 Maybe Sanya and Teag had realized that Cerullis couldn’t afford any extra scrutiny right now. The House might be mostly recovered from the Ancients Crisis, but they were still the most closely watched out of the six. Perhaps those two simply didn’t want to put more pressure on their House. 

 Why did I care about that, though? What they did in private was none of my business. 

 As I let the conundrum fall away from me, though, something else stepped into place, something worse. The reason I’d dove into the Rylan persona every morning for the last two and a half weeks. The reason I’d started drinking myself to sleep. 

 My fingers twitched while my bared forearm drew my gaze because no matter what I did to cover it up, I was still reeling from everything that had happened between a disastrous party and a raid on House Zan. Work had helped to a degree but not… not enough. 

 Fortunately, my array soon informed me that it had completed its work, long before I might have started tumbling a knife through my fingers. Standing, I returned to Aeronautics, all while conforming my behavior to the Rylan persona once more.

Chapter 28: Debrief
I ran into Laylah-Feena near our cubicle. 

 “There you are!” she said. “Where did you go? I couldn’t find you.” 

 Hooray… time to play our parts again, all under the assumption that someone would be watching us. In Lutov, someone was almost always watching. 

 Throwing a thumb over my shoulder, I said, “Washroom. I’m sorry, Third Stratus.” 

 With a chortle, Laylah-Feena waved a hand at me. 

 “Don’t apologize for that,” she said. “Anyway, the experiment was a success, in case you were curious. We helped to create the first man-made wormhole! Isn’t that exciting?” 

 Bouncing forward, she grabbed my hand, and I forced blood into my cheeks. 

 “It is,” I said. 

 My embarrassment was only half-faked. I hated pretending to be enamored with my sister like Rylan was. 

 Releasing one of my hands, Laylah-Feena covered a yawn. 

 “Goodness. It’s late. Time stops for no one, not even us victorious scientists, huh?” she said. “Are you ready to leave?’ 

 Making my eyes bulged, I stammered, “Third Stratus, the processes that you assigned to me… I need- I haven’t-” 

 “Oh, don’t worry about that,” Laylah-Feena said. “I’ll give you a break with them, just this once.” 

 “Then… yes,” I said. “I’d like to go home and get some sleep.” 

 “Fantastic!” Laylah-Feena said. “Come on, then.” 

 Neither of us said a word on the way across the city, and when we reached our apartments, we both entered mine. Inside, Damari was watching something on the apartment’s holodrama plate, and on the side of the table closest to the door, two drinks were already sitting in place: a whiskey sour for me and a fruity concoction for Feena. My sister and I dropped into our assigned seats, just… sitting there for a moment while Damari powered down the holodrama plate. When I could, I grabbed my whiskey sour, lifting it toward my friend. 

 “Thanks,” I said. 

 “No problem,” Damari said. 

 They ruffled their hair, sending water droplets flying. 

 “I took a shower while I was waiting. I hope you don’t mind.” 

 “Not at all,” I said. “I don’t blame you, considering what we ran into.” 

 Damari grimaced as they sat across from us, and Feena leaned forward for her drink. 

 “What did you run into?” she asked. 

 “Nothing!” Damari and I shouted. 

 Still bent over, Feena glanced between us with her eyes narrowed. 

 “Nothing important, at least,” I clarified. 

 “Ah.” 

 Straightening, Feena took a sip of her drink. 

 “So?” she said. “Please tell me we got something out of all that work.” 

 “I got jack shit,” Damari said, crossing their arms. 

 When I raised my eyebrows, they made a face. Even if they hadn’t been on a mission in a while, they should know that the highest Strata person in the room decided what was relevant. 

 “Look. I didn’t get far with my search before we were interrupted,” they said. “From that, I can say that whoever claims that office has an obsession with those from beyond the stars. I’ve never seen a more extensive collection of books about those alien beings.” 

 “Clearly you’ve never toured Zae and Ko’s library,” Feena said under her breath. “I swear. It’s like every book has something to do with them.” 

 Jerking toward my sister, I glared at her. 

 “Those books are about space, not those from beyond the stars,” I said. “I can’t help it that the only books to discuss the first topic always include the latter.” 

 Feena just gave me an innocent smile. I kept glaring at her until Damari cleared their throat. 

 “Anyway,” they said, rolling their eyes, “I also found something that looked like a diary. Couldn’t tell you a lick of what it said off the top of my head, but I can access my memories of it so I can transcribe it for you. If ya like.” 

 “That would be useful, thank you,” I said, “but don’t make it a priority. I doubt the man who wrote it is involved in this plot.” 

 Shrugging, Damari said, “Ok. That’s about all I got. Do ya need anything else, LV, or am I all done for the night?” 

 For some reason, frustration welled up in me at that, and I didn’t fully consider my next few words. 

 “I’d love it if people stopped being such assholes. Why do we keep creating new and horrible ways to kill each other?” I said. 

 How in the hell had that been related to what my friend had asked? 

 Damari and Feena stared at me for long enough that I sighed, slumping in my chair. 

 “That was uncalled for, I know. I’m sorry. It’s hard to control certain things when I’m with people I trust, and I’ve been off all night,” I said. “In any case, I don’t need anything else from you, Damari. You’ve already been immensely helpful.” 

 My friend exchanged a look with my sister before smiling at me. 

 “Cool!” they said. “Can I stay here tonight? If I head home now, I’ll only get a couple hours of sleep before I need to leave for my weekly atmospheric brush.” 

 “You’re welcome to, I suppose,” I said, cocking my head at them. “You are aware that there’s only one bed here and that I tend to get cuddly in my sleep, right?” 

 For a split second, the smile on Damari’s face tightened. 

 “I’ll make do,” they said. “I’m guessing you two need to discuss mission specifics now?” 

 “Yeah, that usually comes right before bed,” Feena said. “Zae likes to keep to his routines.” 

 Snorting, I said, “You think I’m stuck to a routine? Hell, you should have seen Ko, back when he was the Lokke Vitras.” 

 “Fortunately, neither Damari nor I had to,” Feena said with a smirk. “Damari, feel free to do what you like, but please block nerve signals from your ears until we indicate otherwise. All right?” 

 “Sure!”  

 Slapping their thighs, Damari got to their feet. 

 “I’ll just lounge on the bed for a while,” they said. 

 Feena and I waited until they’d gotten comfortable before digging into the meat of tonight’s recovered data, which was… 

 “Nothing, Feena,” I said. “I’ll have to review what my array retrieved and read Teag’s diary, but I’m fairly certain that I found nothing of use tonight.” 

 With a low sigh, Feena took a sip from her drink before cupping it once more. 

 “Fantastic,” she said. “It was too much to hope that this one would be quick, huh?’ 

 “Mm.” 

 Finishing off my drink in one go, I slammed it on the table. 

 “It’s too bad,” I said. “Rylan’s affection for Laylah is really starting to bother me.” 

 “You can’t adjust the persona?” Feena asked. “Make it so he doesn’t… you know?” 

 Waving at herself, she looked away while I shifted in place. 

 “That’s not how it works, unfortunately. Once they’re… them, I can’t tweak their personalities. They just… do their own thing, for the most part,” I said, “but speaking of Laylah, I tagged some useful information for her.” 

 Glancing at me, Feena said, “Oh?” 

 “Mmhmm,” I said. “You know Harvel, the guy who’s pining after Laylah almost as hard as Rylan?” 

 With a secret smile, Feena swirled her drink in her glass. 

 “Yeah?” 

 “I’d keep Laylah away from him, if you can,” I said. “He has some strange viewpoints about things. I’ll send you the relevant messages later.” 

 “That’s too bad. He’s attractive,” Feena said. “Care to elaborate on these viewpoints for me?” 

 Making a face, I said, “In essence? He wants every House to serve Cerullis in the same way that the children of Ibis serve Lutov.” 

 “Ugh.” 

 With a wrinkled face, Feena pulled away from me. 

 “I won’t go near him, then,” she said, “but besides that, we have nothing?” 

 “Yup,” I said. 

 For a moment, we watched Damari, who was swaying their head to an unheard beat. 

 “So?” Feena eventually said. “Next steps?” 

 Looking down my nose at her, I said, “Come on, Feena. You’re Second Stratus. You know what our next steps are.” 

 “Wait for another opportunity?” 

 “That’s right.” 

 Groaning, Feena sank into her seat until her head touched the top of her chair. 

 “This’ll be one of those awful, months-long missions, won’t it?” she said. 

 “I sincerely hope not,” I said. “Considering that possibility, though, should you duck out? You must have your own work to handle.” 

 The reason she’d left that work buzzed in my mind, and I internally flailed at it, burying that knowledge. I couldn’t think about the Chosen or what they were. I couldn’t think about their fates. I couldn’t think about my sister’s status as one. 

 “Ha! You won’t get rid of me that easily, Zae,” Feena said. “I talked to Talira. Once she found out that I’ve been helping, she assigned me to you. Said something about you needing the support.” 

 Lifting my eyes to the ceiling, I shook my head. 

 “I do not,” I said, “but I’m grateful for it nonetheless.” 

 Smiling, I put our glasses in the apartment’s sterilizer while Feena stretched. 

 With my back to her, I said, “Is Damari in charge of watching me tonight?” 

 She’d know what I really meant. 

 Am I so unstable that even you think I need a babysitter? Are the two of you so concerned that you’ll go out of your way to make sure I don’t do anything ‘unwise’ tonight? 

 With her clothes rustling, Feena sighed. 

 “Damari wants to be your friend. They can see that you’re hurting and want to help,” she said. “When’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep? And don’t even think about lying to me.” 

 Slumping, I rubbed my face before turning to my sister. 

 “I don’t remember,” I said. 

 When I lowered my hands, my sister was watching me with concern, although it wasn’t an oppressive amount. 

 “If this becomes a months-long mission, you won’t return to the stable anchor that is your family for a while,” she said. “Take any lifeline that’s thrown to you.” 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I nodded. 

 “I know. I will,” I said before meeting my sister’s gaze. “Thank you.” 

 “Anytime.” 

 As she headed for the door, she ruffled my hair. 

 “Good night, Zae,” she said. “Sweet dreeeeeams.” 

 The sung note of her last word echoed in the apartment as the door closed behind her, and in a few leaping strides, I was close enough to flop on the bed, bouncing Damari in place. 

 Lifting their head, they shouted, “Can I listen now?” 

 When I nodded, they started working their jaw. 

 “Mother Time, I hate how that feels,” they said. “So. Bed time. How are we doing this?” 

 “I’ll sleep on the floor, and don’t you dare argue with me,” I said. “I know why you’re really staying over tonight.” 

 With a grin, Damari dropped into the pillows, swiping their arms and legs over the comforter. 

 “Why would I argue about getting this whole bed to myself?” they said. 

 Chuckling, I got up, although I paused before entering the washroom. I probably shouldn’t ask this, considering how much my friend disliked classical music, but… 

 “Hey, Damari. If you can, will you go with me to Leski’s performance?” I asked. 

 If I couldn’t be near my wife for a while, I needed someone by my side when I saw her for a few hours, especially when all of it would be from a distance. 

 Damari craned their neck to look at me, and so many thoughts and emotions ran across their face before they smiled. 

 “Sure, LV!” they said. “Sounds fun!” 

 I truly did not deserve them. 

 “Thank you,” I said. 

 With a laugh, Damari relaxed before playing with the air, probably messing with something in their array. 

 “Anytime, Zaeden,” they said. “That’s what friends are for.”

Chapter 29: Restlessness
For what seemed like the thousandth time, I read the fifth line of this process again, somehow keeping my eyes from crossing. Pressure was pounding behind my skull’s frontal bone, growing more intense with every moment, and my muscles were so cramped that I was afraid of what would happen when I eventually moved. Meanwhile, Laylah was happily humming behind me, swaying in place. She bumped into me again, and I barely avoided snapping at her, biting my tongue at the last minute. She didn’t deserve my wrath, just because I was in a foul mood. 

 Five and a half months had passed since the last interesting event in my life: the creation of the wormhole hovering in our planet’s vicinity. Or its vicinity on a cosmic level, at least. As everyone on our team should have expected, the rest of Lutov hadn’t been happy about Cerullis running such a ‘risky’ experiment without prior authorization, citing something about our overuse of allocated resources for that month to justify it. 

 What that meant for my team? We’d been put on hold, waiting for Krish to give us a new assignment. 

 Which also meant that I’d been stuck reviewing processes for other teams, and it had been maddening . Both my talent and Laylah’s were being wasted because Cerullis had to bow to the other Houses’ fear. I was beginning to see why Harvel insisted that they were our inferiors, even if I still vehemently disagreed with him. 

 When the characters on my monitor started merging together, I rubbed my eyes before releasing an explosive sigh, slapping my palms on the desk. 

 Glancing over her shoulder, Laylah said, “Problem, Rylan?” 

 I shook my head. 

 “I don’t know how much more I can get done tonight,” I said. “I’ve been staring at this process for half an hour, and I still can’t figure out what’s wrong with it.” 

 “You have seemed distracted this afternoon,” Laylah said, tapping on her lips. “Time to go home for the day?” 

 Oh, thank Mother Time. 

 “Unless you have something more you need me to do,” I said. 

 “No, I’ve got everything under control for now,” Laylah said. “You go ahead. I should listen to this last recording, but maybe we can go out for drinks later?’ 

 With a smile, I said, “I’d like that.” 

 “Great! I’ll see you later, then.” 

 After packing up, I rushed out of headquarters, unwilling to engage in the torture of social obligations tonight, but once I was outside, I slowed to a stroll because why wouldn’t I? The sun felt nice on my skin, and as a random face in the crowd, I didn’t have to worry about someone staring at me. 

 I almost didn’t go home. The last few months had been disturbing in that I… I’d been losing time. Mother Time, that still felt wrong to admit, even if only to myself. It had been happening for a while, actually, but I hadn’t noticed it until the last few months, and I had yet to figure out what was wrong, although I was fairly certain of the cause. 

 When I’d picked up on the anomaly a few months ago, I’d maybe, sort of, kind of, gone on a paranoid bender for a little while, although it probably hadn’t been obvious to the outside observer. To them, I’d probably seemed a bit more irritable than normal, but in my own head, my life had been a mess. The only reason I’d stopped freaking out about this seeming fault in my mind was that it hadn’t negatively impacted my life. No one had commented on strange behavior from me, and in the last four months, I’d gotten enough recreation time before it happened to keep from cracking. Or cracking more than I already had, I supposed. 

 So, why should I worry about this problem, especially when I couldn’t control it? Better to keep it firmly out of mind, when possible. 

 As usual, when I entered my apartment, an alert flashed into my vision, but I dismissed it without reading its contents. Those alerts were what triggered my episodes of lost time, or that was what I thought, at least. 

 Pulling my shoes off, I padded into the kitchen, cuing the refectory to make me dinner. While it worked, I retrieved a tumbler, meaning to fill it with whiskey. Yes, I was meeting Laylah for drinks later, but she’d forgive me if I got a head start on that, considering the day I’d had. 

 At the apartment’s mini bar, I frowned, eyeing the empty bottles lying on it. Hadn’t those been full when I’d gotten home yesterday? Was this part of my lost-? 

 I couldn’t think about it. 

 After disposing of the empties, I lifted a bottle to pour myself a finger of its amber liquid, but the sheet of paper beneath it caught my eye. Someone had handwritten a note on it, and each of the displayed words changed in size, as if the writer had had a shaky hand. With my skin crawling, I retrieved the paper to throw it away, but my name, written in big, blocky letters, made me pause. 

 Mother Time, I shouldn’t read this, but as I sank onto the bed with the whiskey bottle in my hand, I couldn’t help myself. 

 RYLAN, YOU STUBBORN BASTARD, 

 Give me my fucking body back, or you’re going to be in so much T.R.O.U.B.L.E. I can’t even- 

 With a sigh, I stopped reading, letting the note float to the ground. After taking a pull from the whiskey bottle, I flopped onto my bed. Mother Time, Rylan’s stubbornness was becoming an issue, but… I couldn’t focus on that now.  

 Time slipped me by. I only let it creep back into my awareness when I heard Feena come inside. 

 “How does it already reek of alcohol in here?” she said. 

 I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, which had my sister clicking her tongue. Coming to stand over me, she snatched the bottle away, holding it up to check the level of the liquid inside. 

 “I only took a sip,” I said. “Enough to last until you got here.” 

 Huffing, Feen replaced the bottle on the mini-bar. 

 “Should I contact Damari?” she said. 

 “No.” 

 Rubbing my face, I hauled myself off of the bed’s sheets. 

 “I’ll be fine tonight.” 

 Feena stared at me like she didn’t believe me, so I slapped my cheeks and smiled at her. 

 “I promise, Feena,” I said. 

 Without a word, she took a seat at the kitchen table, where we did our evening debriefs, but I didn’t join her, pulling my leg under me. 

 “Anything?” I asked. 

 “Do you seriously think I ran across an interesting tidbit in the bullshit work that Krish has me doing?” Feena said. 

 Sighing, I looked down at my hands, folded in my lap. 

 “No. That was too much to hope for,” I said. “Hell, we should have infiltrated another team. When choosing this one, I didn’t think that what they were doing would prompt so much outrage.” 

 “Being on lockdown for so long has sucked, made worse by our inability to switch teams,” Feena said, “but that hasn’t stopped you from running off in the middle of the night recently.” 

 “Like my late-night excursions have done us any good. Whoever requested this neurotoxin has erased their tracks,” I said, flexing my fingers. 

 With a groan, Feena dropped her head onto the table. 

 “What will we do, Zae?” she said. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this stagnancy, and I know you’re long over it.” 

 “Not that what I want matters, given who I am,” I said, “but don’t worry. I might have a plan to get us home soon.” 

 Until now, though, I hadn’t wanted to use it. Not only could it be reckless, but it might pose certain… difficulties for me. 

 Lifting her face off of the table, Feena propped her chin on it. 

 “What’s that?” she asked. 

 Clenching my hands together, I said, “Since we started this, you’ve gotten the occasional report from Talira too, I’m guessing?” 

 “Yeah,” Feena said. “They’re sporadic as hell, but yeah.” 

 “So, you know that ever since the assembly that granted him provisional control of House Zan, Phen’s been acting funny?” I said. 

 Feena went still, not even breathing, and I had to look away. I knew that when it came to Pheniks and me, the pressure for her to pick a side had gotten intense, which had made me reluctant to discuss my plan with her, but she needed to know about it now. 

 “You’re going to talk to him?” she said. 

 When I nodded, a confusing mix of expressions crossed her face. 

 “Will you be going as his brother or the Lokke Vitras?” she asked. 

 I gripped my hands together so tightly that my knuckles strained against my skin. 

 “Probably both,” I said, “but it might not happen for a while. I need to make a few enquiries before I decide If I’ll approach him.” 

 Sitting up, Feena crossed her arms. 

 “As your sister, I think this is a stupid idea, Zae. Phen won’t appreciate the first contact between you since then being an interrogation,” she said. “As a member of House Kolb, I don’t think you have much of a choice with this. You’ve read our grandmother’s reports, the same as me. You know that the Lokke Vitras can’t linger here for much longer, not if you’re to keep the month that Talira’s given you.” 

 “This mystery needs to be solved first, though,” I said. “We can’t leave a dangerous weapon in the hands of a subversive element.” 

 We sat in silence for a moment, considering the conundrum, until Feena shook her head. 

 “Well, that’s a problem for another day, and this one is over,” she said. “What are your plans for the evening?” 

 Lifting a hand, I raised a finger from it for reach task that I rattled off. 

 “Write my report for Talira. Figure out another way to get damn Rylan back below the surface, where he belongs. Once that’s done, I’ll see if anyone’s looking for a one-off date nearby, and then, either go on said date or listen to my current narration until I fall asleep.” 

 I hated lying to my sister, but she couldn’t know my real plan for this evening. 

 Slowly nodding, Feena said, “Sounds good. If you need me, I’m right next door, and… try to go easy on the whiskey?” 

 “I have no intention of drinking tonight,” I said. “Go to bed, Feena. Rylan will meet you at the usual spot in the morning.” 

 With a long sigh, Feena said, “Ok.” 

 She climbed to her feet, pausing with her fingers pressed into the tabletop. 

 “I love you, Zae,” she said. “Good night.” 

 “Love you too.” 

 And she walked out the door.

Chapter 30: Break-In
After Feena had left, I wrote up my daily report for Talira, like I’d told her I would. I hadn’t been lying about that. As the months had worn on, doing this had grown tiresome, but every time I’d suggested that they were a waste of my time, Talira had repeated her earlier command for me to send them. 

 Once I was done, it was time to start with the evening’s activities. I grabbed some snacks and a water bottle before heading out the door. Stuffed among people on their way home for the night, I took a shuttle to the closest landing pad, and on arriving, I waited in line for my skycruiser, giving a drone my doctored designator once I reached the head of the line. 

 I only relaxed once I was high in the clouds, heading away from Xygek. I’d thought for sure that someone would stop me by now. 

 About an hour later, my skycruiser landed, and I climbed through my snacks’ wrappers to get out of it. The dark of night enveloped me, and as I strolled along, I soaked in the moonlight. All the while, I expected another skycruiser or several Second Strata to alight in the tall grass around me. I hadn’t been subtle when leaving the city, and if Talira had noticed where I’d been heading, she’d have sent people to dissuade me from it, as per my long-ago given instructions. 

 But I continued unimpeded until I saw a structure on the horizon, which slowed me to a stop. Home. 

 Should I be doing this? While I was on a deep-cover mission, seeing my family was always detrimental for me. For instance, after attending Leski’s performance a few months ago, I’d been a wreck for days afterward. Going home… I could only imagine what it would do to me. 

 I, however, could only find the answer to a most urgent question here. Talira wouldn’t tell me what I wanted to know, no matter how many times I’d asked, and getting the information that I desired another way would have been close to impossible, not with me staying deep cover at least. Easier to come here. 

 So, I moved forward. Getting into the house tested my skills, but considering who lived here, I’d have been disappointed if they hadn’t. I barely bypassed the defense grid around the place, and breaking through the security processes on a window took far longer than it should. Entering through the front door would have been easier, certainly, but if possible, I’d like it if no one knew that I’d been here tonight. 

 Fortunately, once I was inside, my task got easier. Trap placement in the house might change on a daily basis, but I was familiar with their many combinations. In addition, recorders were sparse here. I’d insisted on having some installed, all at key junctions, but for Korix’s sake, we’d kept them to the bare minimum. 

 I’d find the answer I needed on either Leski or Korix’s personal storecases, but instead of heading to either of their studies, my silent feet glided me toward our bedroom. This was a bad idea, and I knew it. I couldn’t stop myself, though. 

 As I passed the room beside ours, however, my stride hiccupped, nearly tumbling me to the floor. Its door was open and through it… 

 In a haze, I wandered into the room. The tarp and paint cans from months ago were gone, leaving the carpet pristine, and the paintings on the wall were done. Korix’s castle with its knights and horses had a road leading from it into Leski’s field of flowers. Stars and comets were scattered on the ceiling, and there was a forest opposite the castle. With a lingering trail of Leski’s flowers along its bottom edge, I found my contribution: a sunrise. A reminder that every day was new and full of opportunities to make oneself a better person. 

 The crib sat beneath this with a mobile hanging over it. A rocking chair was beside it, flanked by a small chest of drawers, and near the door was a changing table.  

 I looked at this, and my eyes burned with my hands becoming dead weights at my sides. They’d finished the nursery, which shouldn’t surprise me. I’d known they’d do that but still. I’d wanted to be here, helping, for more than the short time that I had been. 

 Shivering, I padded into the hall, doing my best to shrug it off. There was no point in getting upset about this, no point. And yet, I was. 

 A step from opening our bedroom’s door, I bit down on a laugh. I must hate myself, considering the torture I was putting myself through right now. 

 Overriding the door’s processes, I had it open the barest of slivers. With my heart in my throat, I glided to the foot of our bed, keeping my eyes fixed on a point above it, until my stomach bumped into the footboard. Then, I looked down. 

 Both of my partners were home tonight. On his side of the bed, Korix was sprawled with his arms thrown above his head while Leski was nearly buried by the covers, huddling on herself. 

 For who knew how long, all I could see was them. I rarely went on months-long missions, meaning we were rarely apart for this long, but when we were, reuniting with them was like seeing them for the first time. They were beautiful, my wife and life partner. Always beautiful, and it always took my breath away. 

 This time, I couldn’t retrieve the air that I’d lost. I could swear that something had perforated my diaphragm again while a stone slowly crushed my chest. Mother Time, my heart… 

 Absently, I brushed my fingers along my breastbone in the moment before something rustled in the sheets. I jerked my eyes toward the disturbance, and on seeing it, I wanted to smack myself for my lack of awareness. A rather gorgeous woman was sleeping between Korix and Leski. I didn’t know how I’d missed her, but there she lay, and hell. I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have come here. 

 Slowly taking a breath, I turned, making my way to the door. Lost in my thoughts as I was, I didn’t know what warned me, whether a sixth sense or long-drilled instincts, but halfway to the hall, I shifted sideways as someone tried to wrap their arms around my neck. Thanks to that movement, my assailant couldn’t get a chokehold, and I slipped free, drawing a knife as I spun. I barely stopped it from laying open Korix’s carotid artery, half-aware of the rifle’s muzzle that had been pressed into my chest. 

 After a blink, Korix had his rifle dissipate, lifting his empty hands into view, and I lowered my knife. We stepped back, eyeing each other, but when Korix eventually took a breath to speak, I shook my head, holding a finger to my lips. 

 “Your guest?” I said in sub-vocals. 

 Glancing at the bed, Korix nodded. 

 “Probably best not to wake her,” he replied in kind. 

 “Meet me in the library?” I said. 

 Cool eyes shifted to me, almost jarring me out of the combat state I was in. 

 “Leski?” Korix asked. 

 Should we wake up my wife? Since Korix knew I was here, it wouldn’t be long before she did too. There was no longer a point in keeping her asleep. Still. I was loath to disturb her rest. 

 “I’m not here in a mission capacity,” I said. “I’d like to see her, but I also don’t want to be an inconvenience.” 

 Rolling his eyes, Korix said, “I’ll wake her up, then. Go on ahead. Do what you must to adjust your mood because I don’t want to talk to you like this.” 

 When he waved a hand over me, I barely suppressed my flinch, knowing I should do as he’d asked. A closed-off state had never worked well around any of my partners. 

 With a jerked nod, I hurried out of the room, making sure I was far from it before scrubbing my face. Tonight was not going the way I’d wanted.

Chapter 31: Family Check-In
The state I was in concerned me. I wasn’t fuzzy, and this evening’s events had continued in a sequential manner, not in snapshots like they did sometimes, so I wasn’t in shock. Instead, I felt… detached from myself. 

 I knew what I should be feeling right now, waiting in the library for my partners. I should be excited, nervous about the berating that Korix was sure to give me, eager to kiss them both. Instead, I was just… hmm. Not empty. That wasn’t the right word. I was… 

 I was bored. 

 This should concern me, right? It was supposed to but… 

 Finishing off my shot of whiskey, I set my glass aside, Korix wouldn’t be pleased that I hadn’t adjusted my mood as he’d asked. 

 I heard them before they entered, but when they stepped inside, I didn’t look up from the fire, which was why when Leski flung herself into my lap, it surprised me. She kissed me hard, insistent with it, and unable to do anything else, I held her until she’d had enough. 

 “You’re back!” she gasped when she broke away. “Oh… I’ve missed you so much.” 

 Snuggling against me, she rested her forehead on my shoulder, and I met Korix’s eyes over her. Taking one look at me, he shook his head before sitting in the armchair furthest away from us. He knew. He always knew. 

 And so would Leski once she’d gotten over her excitement. Both of them had been with me for over half of my life. They, out of all of Lutov’s citizens, were the only ones who could read me, no matter how good of a mask I was wearing. For reasons I didn’t understand, I still hid my mental state from them at times. 

 “I’m glad to see you too,” I said. “Unfortunately, I can’t stay for long, love.” 

 Leski fell still before shooting upright. 

 “Shukusen Talira’s sending you on another mission?” she growled. “What happened to the month off that she promised you?” 

 Wincing, I shifted Leski off of my lap. 

 “I’ll get it as soon as I’ve finished my current mission,” I said. 

 “Current mission-?” Leski started. 

 “Zaeden. Have you come home while in the middle of a deep-cover mission?” 

 Slowly, I shifted my gaze to Korix, who seemed calm, and wondered why I cared so little about how upset he must actually be. 

 “I have,” I said. 

 Then, I turned to Leski, ignoring him. 

 “Has House Drav given you a date for our handoff?” I said. “I’ve been asking about it, but no one will give me a straight answer.” 

 “Probably because Talira’s told them to keep quiet,” Korix said. “She’s worried that you’ll-” 

 I lifted a finger toward him, keeping my eyes on my wife. She was chewing the hell out of her lip, fiercely staring at a bookshelf. 

 “Love. Look at me,” I said. 

 I only continued once she had. 

 “I want to be there when Drav gives us our child, even if it’s by watching via a recorder. Please, give me a date so I don’t miss it.” 

 I didn’t say a word about what I was truly afraid of. If I was right, missing our child’s handoff would change who I was, and not in a good way. It wouldn’t break me. I’d gone through worse than my current troubles before, but I was pretty sure that having another blow land before I’d healed from the last would drastically alter my personality. 

 Plus, I wanted to be there for our child. Regardless of how they’d never be able to intellectually remember that moment in later years, the feeling of safety that I could help impart would remain, and I desperately wanted to provide that for them. 

 Leski must see this. Releasing her lip, she got an incredibly determined look on her face. 

 “Sometime in the next two weeks,” she said. “We don’t have an exact date, but I will speak with Talira. I’ll make sure that she notifies you as soon as we know.” 

 Two weeks? So soon? 

 Cupping Leski’s face, I tilted her to where I could kiss her forehead. 

 “Thank you,” I said against her skin. 

 Making disgruntled noises, she pushed against my chest, and I backed off, happy to have what I’d wanted. Before I could leave, though, she pincered her fingers in my thighs. 

 “Uh-uh,” she said. “You didn’t wake us up to ask one question and disappear.” 

 “You’re right. I didn’t mean to wake you up at all,” I said. 

 Taking hold of Leski’s wrist, I removed her hand from me. 

 “And I need to go,” I continued. “If I have so little time to finish this mission, I’ll need to accelerate a few things.” 

 When I again tried to stand, though, Korix was in front of me, and with a single hand, he pinned me to the couch. 

 “No,” he said. “This has gone from concerning to ridiculous, Zaeden. You’re going to stay, and the three of us will talk through a few things, even if I have to tie you down for it.” 

 From out of nowhere, something ugly and awful raised its head, and I showed Korix my teeth. 

 “You think you can keep me here?” I hissed. “I’m not an inexperienced kid anymore, Korix.” 

 My tone had been harsh enough that Leski pulled away from me, but Korix didn’t even blink. 

 “I can make escaping from me inconvenient. Doing what we want will get you out of here more quickly than struggling will, and you know it,” he said. “Lutov won’t fall to pieces if you take the time for a single conversation.” 

 Snarling, I knocked Korix’s hand off of me, but I didn’t try to escape. Instead, I paced in front of the fire, dragging my hands through my hair, while my partners stared at me. Were they exchanging messages about how to handle what they saw?  

 Eventually, their silence became too much, and I stopped with one hand on my hip, throwing the other one toward them. 

 “Well?” 

 Neither of them said a word, which had me tapping a foot so hard that it shook my body. After another moment of quiet, I flung my hands overhead. 

 “What do you want me to say?” I shouted. “That you were right, Ko? Because you were! Work hasn’t helped me as much as I thought it would. That I’m drinking far too much? Because I am! Hell, you can probably smell it on me right now. That I’ve been cutting myself when I know- I know I shouldn’t?” 

 As I fell quiet, I scrubbed the heels of my palms into my eyes before dragging them to either side of my face. 

 “But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?” I said. “Feena’s probably sent you a message every time she’s walked in on me… or Damari. They’ve probably shared-” 

 “Damari has told us nothing,” Korix said. “When we’ve asked, they said they wouldn’t talk about a friend behind his back.” 

 That wasn’t surprising, actually. It fit their character well. 

 My partners were once more staring at me, though, and I wished one of them would say something. I wished one of them would speak what was on their mind. They must have thoughts about what I’d said, but since they wouldn’t talk and because I couldn’t bear the weight of their gazes, I faced the fire, gazing into its depths. 

 After who knew how long, I said, “I don’t understand why I’m like this right now. Sure, life’s been testing me lately, but I can usually roll with the punches. Sure, Phen was involved this time but…” 

 The crackling of the fire filled my ears while its destructive nature filled my mind. 

 “Besides that, it’s been five months,” I said. “You’d think this hurt would have faded by now. Yes, I can be overly dramatic, but this seems extreme. Doesn’t it? And Mother Time… I haven’t even touched on what my drama is doing to you. We’re supposed to support each other, not devote our time and energy to only one person. To me.” 

 A sigh rose from behind me, and a moment later, a small hand filled mine. 

 When I glanced down at Leski, she said, “Come here.” 

 She tugged me to the couch, where Korix was waiting, and after sitting me down, she forced me to lay my head in his lap. Kneeling in front of us, she carded her fingers through my hair. We stayed there for a while, long enough that I started to get drowsy, before Leski spoke. 

 “Zae, I love you dearly, but you’re being an utter moron.” 

 Snapping my eyes open, I squinted at her while she nodded. 

 “First of all, we do not pour all of our attention on you,” she continued. “You’re taking a lot of it right now, yes. I won’t argue that. How many times, though, have you and Ko helped me through a bad breakup? How many times have we gotten Ko through an episode?” 

 Flicking my eyes to Korix, I saw his jaw tighten, but I also felt him rest his hand on my stomach. 

 “We’re a team, working for each other’s benefit,” he said. “It just so happens that you’re the one in need right now. Don’t feel bad about that.” 

 Mother Time if I hadn’t already known what they were saying, but sometimes, I needed them to remind me. 

 “Ok,” I sighed. “Ok, I’ll accept that. You said ‘first of all’, Leski. Does that mean you have a follow-up?” 

 “I… do.” 

 Damn. I’d rarely seen my wife this uncertain before. 

 Glancing between Korix and me, she said, “I’m not the best when it comes to the mental struggles you two go through. I just don’t get it.” 

 Breaking off, she bit her lip, and I reached for her hand, squeezing it. 

 “If you have a suggestion, I’d love to hear it,” I said. “It can’t hurt me.” 

 I tried on a smile, surprised by how easy that was, but then, being with them had always helped me find my center, no matter how far off the deep end I’d dived. Seemingly reassured, Leski squared her shoulder. 

 “The core reason for your distress is that you think you betrayed your brother, losing him in the process,” she said. “Well, maybe this is a silly question, but have you talked to him about it? It’s been a few months, so he’s probably not furious anymore, and talking’s a good first step toward reconciliation. If you reach out and he rejects you, you could even begin forgiving yourself, having tried to make amends, and…You’re laughing.” 

 Oh, fuck. I knew that face. She was about to close off, never to offer another absolutely brilliant suggestion like this, and I couldn’t stop snickering into my palm. For some reason, Korix’s look of disapproval only made it worse. When Leski tried to draw her hand out of my grip, I squeezed tighter, shaking my head. 

 “No… It’s- it’s a… good idea. A wonderful… one,” I gasped. “Only…” 

 Unable to control myself, I rolled toward Korix, burying my face in his clothes while howling with laughter. Calming down took me far longer than it should, and when I sat up, I swung my legs off of the sofa. 

 Wiping my eyes, I said, “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have laughed like that. It’s just… what you’re suggesting? Talking to Phen? I was about to do that before Ko stopped me.” 

 “Ah,” Leski said. 

 Relaxing, she sat on her heels before cocking her head. 

 “Wait. It’s the middle of the night,” she said. “Why would you want to speak with him this late?” 

 “Zaeden means to interrogate him, of course,” Korix said. “Right?” 

 When I glanced at him, he was stiff, resting his eyes anywhere but on me. 

 “That was the plan,” I said. “He’s holding onto info that might help me end this mission.” 

 “You can’t!” Leski said, clasping my knee. “Interrogating Pheniks isn’t a good way to resume contact with him.” 

 Tilting my head to the side, I said, “You think I don’t know that?” 

 I patted her hand on my knee. 

 “Don’t worry. I can incorporate both issues in one conversation.” 

 Leski sucked on her lip before nodding. 

 “If anyone could do something so difficult, it’s you,” she said. “When will you go?” 

 “Soon,” I said. “First, I need to know if you want to talk about anything else and…” 

 I watched Korix from the corner of my eye. 

 “Ko and I need to discuss a few things. Don’t think I’m shooing you away, though. You’re welcome to stick around, if you like.” 

 Leski darted her eyes to Korix, clearly asking a question of him. 

 “You two should talk,” she carefully said. “Ko?” 

 Never moving a muscle, Korix said, “Mm. Could you check on our guest, love?” 

 As she slumped, Leski’s face fell, and I wonder what line of reasoning Korix had rejected. 

 “Yeah, I’ll do that,” she said. 

 While she climbed to her feet, I snatched her hand, hesitating before squeezing Korix’s shoulder. 

 “Thank you,” I said. “I should have come home long before now. Because I’ve seen you, I’ll be distracted when I leave, but trust me. That’s better than how I was earlier.” 

 “Happy to have helped,” Leski said. 

 Pulling her hand free, she held my head to her hip, and I wrapped an arm around her waist. 

 “I love you,” I said. “I’ll come home as soon as I can.” 

 “I know,” Leski said.  

 Claiming my hand, she brushed her lips along my knuckles. 

 “See you soon.”

Chapter 32: Addressing Our Problems
I watched Leski leave the library, and once she was gone, my hand fell away from Korix as swiftly as expression did from me. Even this many years later, an empty face was still my most natural state. Not that smiles and laughter felt unnatural! But I could only display this face with a select few people, and while Leski tolerated it on occasion, it made her uncomfortable. Besides that, I got the feeling that this might be the best mask to wear right now. 

 After several minutes of quiet had passed, I said, “Just say it.” 

 Yet still, only the crackle of flames filled the air. I didn’t make another move to change that, perfectly content to wait, and eventually, Korix fulfilled my expectations. 

 “You’re not listening to me. Even now, I have more experience with what you’re doing, but you don’t listen when I warn you about potential mistakes,” he said. “I don’t understand it. You’re smart enough to realize I’m a valuable resource, so why don’t you take advantage of that? Why don’t you listen?” 

 Hearing his words, I digested them, analyzing how they’d affected me. Then, I sapped irritation from me, like he’d taught me how to do years ago. I only spoke after I was empty of emotion. 

 “It’s because you still think of me as your student. I’m happy to accept your advice, but the reason I’m ‘not listening’, as you put it, is because I don’t always do as you say. I may be the Lokke Vitras, but I’m not you. I follow a lot of your practices, but some things, I do my own way, and I need you to let me try new things. I need you to stop believing they’ll fail, just because I’m still your kuvesk to you.” 

 I paused, giving Korix a chance to respond, but when he didn’t, I forged onward. 

 “That’s not why you’re upset, though, is it?” 

 If he was surprised that I’d noticed, he didn’t show it. 

 “No,” he said. “That has to do with something else: what I asked after you told Leski and me about this deep-cover mission.” 

 Clear as a bell, his voice rang from the past, screaming at me. 

 Are you trying to kill yourself? 

 Turning to me, Korix tucked one leg under the other, and clasping his hands together, he took a deep breath. 

 “Are you ready to join the Collective?” he said. “If- if you didn’t hold the position of the Lokke Vitras, would you have chosen to die those many months ago?” 

 Unlike with my irritation, I couldn’t swallow these feelings. Whipping my head to my life partner, I stared at him in horror. Was this what he’d been holding onto since then? Hell, he thought I wanted to leave him, and oh. Well did I know how that felt. 

 Reaching for him, I said, “Mother Time, Ko. I-” 

 He leaned away from me, fixing his eyes on his lap. 

 “Answer the question, please,” he said. 

 Dropping my hand to the couch, I swallowed. 

 “No. I don’t want to die.” 

 Korix tightened his grip on his hands while his shoulders drew together. 

 “Then, why, for the love of Mother Time, would you-?” 

 Breaking off, he cleared his throat. 

 “Why have you been… hurting yourself?” 

 That was a much harder question to answer. 

 “I’m not sure. I’m sorry. I wish I had an answer for you,” I said. “It started because I had the crazy idea that if I… did that, I could leak the evil in me away, and with that out of me, I could keep going. Since then, though, it’s evolved, and I don’t understand it anymore.” 

 With a strangled scream, Korix grabbed my arm, digging his fingers into it, and when his eyes met mine, they were wet. 

 “I don’t like it, Zae,” he hissed. “I don’t like knowing that you’re hurting so badly you’d- you’d-” 

 He gasped, pinching his fingers into my skin. 

 “I need you to be happy. I need you to be as safe as you possibly can be because you can’t go away, not for any reason,” he continued. “You- you can’t because I…” 

 Hiccupping on a breath, he took a few more before tremulously moving on. 

 “Yes, I have Leski now, and I love her, and I’d say the same thing to her if she were sitting here instead of you, but I can’t…” he said, gasping for a minute. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, so you have to- you have to stop, Zae. You have to-” 

 Darting forward, I grabbed Korix’s head to kiss him, stopping his ramble. When I pulled away, I didn’t release my grip, making sure I was holding his gaze. 

 “I will, Ko. I swear it to you,” I said. “It’s done. Ok?” 

 With a sipping gasp, Korix nodded, and I released him. 

 “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to-” 

 “Don’t. Please.” 

 Hell. Given how many times I’d asked him to keep his apologies—the ones I’d always found unnecessary—to himself, one would think I could receive the same treatment. I didn’t like it, though. 

 Usually, Korix had no problem with hearing me say I was sorry, and it was jarring, knowing this had upset him so badly that he’d rather shove it into our past than fully resolve it. Given that, facing him right now would be a mistake, but still, I did it, intending to continue the discussion whether he liked it or not. I, however, turned only to find a funny expression on his face. He looked like he was holding back from saying something. 

 With my stomach sinking, I said, “Is there something else? If so, you should get everything out in the open.” 

 “There’s nothing else,” Korix said. “Trust me. We’re good.” 

 Frowning, I said, “Then… what is it? Please, just say what’s on your mind. I don’t know how much longer I can stay here.” 

 With a snort, Korix gave a small shake of his head. 

 “Which is exactly the problem,” he said. 

 “Wha-?” 

 Korix lunged for me, tackling me onto the couch, and before I could say a word, he’d occupied my mouth. Ah. Of course. He wanted a release of the tension that had been hovering between us. 

 For the split second that this realization took me, I enjoyed a wonderfully glorious kiss, but then, I was pushing on him. 

 “What are you doing?” I said with a laugh. “I have to go.” 

 Arching an eyebrow, Korix said, “Do you now?” 

 Skin slid against skin, and I sucked in a gasp. Frozen, I licked my lips, picking through hazy thoughts, while Korix twisted his lips into a teasing grin. 

 “We’ll have to be quick,” I said. 

 Korix beamed as he lowered his head to mine. 

 “That can be arranged,” he said. 

 Later, when I was getting dressed, he watched me, lounging where I’d left him. After a moment of contemplation, he leaned forward. 

 “I hear that you’ve been working in Cerullis’ ranks,” he said. “Should I expect trouble from that House again?” 

 Cocking my head, I slowed my fingers down on my buttons. Korix didn’t usually ask about my missions, content to stay out of Lokke Vitras business now that it was no longer his problem. 

 “No, Cerullis isn’t the issue, just one of their members,” I said. “Why?” 

 Shaking his head, Korix collapsed backward. 

 “No reason,” he said. “What do you think of their new shukusen? Is she…?” 

 Trailing off, Korix pursed his lips, probably thinking of the best way to end that question. 

 “Shukusen Sanya seems decent, which is rare among the higher-ups,” I said. “I actually like her to a degree, and that’s saying something.” 

 For some reason, that made Korix smile. 

 “So, she’s handling her new position well?” he asked. 

 Itching to get out the door, I glanced toward it. 

 “Um… she didn’t do so well at first, but she’s getting the hang of it,” I said. “I need to-” 

 “I know,” Korix said. “Get out of here, and please. Be safe.” 

 “I’ll do my best.” 

 Once I’d left the house, I walked across the moors toward where I’d left my skycruiser, marveling at how much lighter I felt. In many ways, Leski and Korix were a drug that was as addictive as slicing myself open. 

 Speaking of that, I should discuss it with Leski at some point. If Korix had found it upsetting enough to get as emotional as he had, I could only imagine how it had impacted her. In fact, once I was on my way to Xygek, I’d send her a message about it. I had no idea what to say, but I’d figure it out. 

 Soon enough, I reached my skycruiser, and as it climbed into the clouds, a hook in my heart ripped free, stealing the piece of me that would always belong to my partners as it went, but it was necessary. I should speak with Pheniks, and when I did, I hoped he had a clue for me because I needed to wrap up this mission. Sometime in the next two weeks, my family’s new child would be ours. I had to be there when we welcomed them home.

Chapter 33: ...Brothers
When I reached House Kolb’s headquarters, I entered as if I belonged, even with my status declaring me a member of Cerullis. Not many people would be here, so changing to my ‘true’ affiliation seemed like too much work, much like sneaking through the place would have been. 

 Having left my skycruiser in the park, I strode with purpose to the lobby’s lifts, ignoring the stares directed my way. As I came closer, two Kolb members started strolling to intercept me. I waited for as long as I could before putting on a burst of House Kolb speed, avoiding them by a sliver of a second. If I was to reach Pheniks before Talira could stop me, I needed to eke every moment out of my anonymity, such as it were. Walking through headquarters as a Cerullis member might have tipped her off to my presence, but my display of this technique would alert her in an instant. 

 The Kolb members I’d avoided made surprised sounds behind me, and setting a floor on the control, I stepped into the lift. It shot me toward the House’s unplaced apartments, and from there, it wasn’t far to the one Pheniks had been assigned.  

 After I’d entered, I barricaded the door to the best of my ability. Even still, I doubted it would keep my grandmother out for long, but it would delay her, at the least. 

 With nothing else to distract me, I couldn’t ignore the swarm of butterflies in my stomach. One room away from me, Pheniks was sleeping with each of his snores loud in an otherwise silent apartment, and I was here because I needed to make things right with him. He’d never trust me as he once had, but I needed him to forgive me. I needed him to be ok with moving on. As I ghosted into the apartment’s bedroom, though, I prepared myself for a total rejection.  

 For a few heartbeats, I stood at the foot of his bed, just… watching him sleep, but then, I moved to the side. 

 “Phen,” I said. 

 Wait. Could I still use my brother’s nickname? 

 “Pheniks,” I said, slightly louder. 

 When I rested my fingers on his arm, he shifted, unintelligibly murmuring, and with a sigh, I shook him. As soon as he was disrupted from sleep, I backed off, hoping to keep him from panicking. 

 My efforts didn’t help much. As soon as my brother opened his eyes, he went stiff before plastering himself against the headboard. I didn’t say anything, aware that he’d find my voice more intimidating than the quiet, but soon enough, recognition set in, and he relaxed with his nose wrinkling. 

 “What are you doing here?” he said. “And…” 

 He flicked his eyes to the side, probably checking the time, before returning his glare to me. 

 “It’s three in the fucking morning! What the hell?” 

 Yeah… that was about what I'd expected. Unfortunately, I had yet to decide how I’d reply to this outburst, and faced with its necessity now, I was left scrambling, ratcheting through options, while Pheniks tapped a finger on his leg. Eventually, he clicked his tongue. 

 “If you have nothing to say, you should get out,” he snapped. “What made you think I want-?” 

 “I’m sorry,” I interrupted. “I betrayed your trust. Didn’t protect you when I should have, and yes, I may have done those things because of this hated role I’ve taken, but it was still wrong. I’m sorry for it, Pheniks.” 

 For a split second, my brother seemed frozen in place, but then, he was looking down his nose at me. 

 “What do you expect me to say to that?” he asked. “‘It’s ok, Zae. I understand why you ruined my life. Now, everything can return to normal’? That’s not going to happen.” 

 After taking a steadying breath, I said, “I don’t expect it to. I’m hoping that you’ll let us repair our relationship, but you can say or do anything you like to me, although I’d point out that your life hardly looks ruined.” 

 “Are you kidding me?” 

 Pheniks puffed up, lunging toward me. 

 “I’m stuck in the headquarters of another House, away from my work, and the few friends I had think I’m a traitor!” he snapped. “How is my life not ruined?” 

 Was… he… serious? He thought this was bad? 

 “Pheniks. You’re about to become the head of your House, a position that you asked for,” I said, barely keeping my voice calm. “Considering what you did, you deserve much worse than a months-long house arrest.” 

 With a laugh, my brother crossed his arms. 

 “We’ve covered this. I didn’t want to break the Concords-” he started. 

 “Which is admirable and the only reason you haven’t been exiled,” I interrupted again, unable to keep quiet. “Even still, you did something wrong, and you should suffer the consequences for it. I certainly have for my own misdeed.” 

 “And I suppose you think that gives you the right to judge me,” Pheniks said. 

 “No! Mother Time, no. I just-” 

 Breaking off, I scrubbed at my eyes, suddenly tired beyond measure. 

 “I came here for two reasons,” I said. “One was to apologize and beg for you to talk to me. I can’t stand being cut off from you.” 

 Seconds crawled by while Pheniks decided what to say. At this point, I was certain that rejection would be mine, so when my brother’s face softened, I was suspicious that an ulterior motive lay behind it. 

 “I haven’t liked it either,” he said. “Over the past six months, I could have used your advice far too often, and… much as I’ve been furious, I’ve also missed you.” 

 Oh, thank Mother Time. 

 “I’ve missed you too,” I said. 

 I didn’t know what to add to that, though. I wasn’t sure how I should act around him now, whether casually or not. 

 After an awkward pause, Pheniks said, “You said you have two reasons for being here?” 

 Hell. I’d barely gained my brother’s tentative forgiveness. How could I ruin that by prying his secrets out of him? I had other ways of getting the information I needed, and sure, they’d take time…  

 But that was time I didn’t have. My child. They were why I was doing this. I had to be there for them. 

 Even still, I wouldn’t be careless with how I questioned my brother. 

 Gesturing at the foot of the bed, I asked, “May I sit?” 

 “Go ahead.” 

 While I got comfortable, Pheniks shifted in place with his body language alternating between curious and piqued. Fuck, this would be a shit show. Folding my hands in my lap, I Took a deep breath. 

 “I’ve been in deep cover for the last six months, identifying the person who requested your neurotoxin from House Zan,” I said. “I’m sure you know this.” 

 Pheniks nodded. 

 “How informed has our grandmother kept you about my investigation?”  

 Shrugging, Pheniks said, “Not very, but then, I’ve been preoccupied with my own life.” 

 “That’s understandable, and perhaps when I’m free to do so, I can help you with your problems, if you’re inclined to allow it,” I said, “but that’s not why I’m here. I need your help, and trust me, I realize how much you should laugh in my face right now.” 

 Who asked someone they’d wronged for help? 

 “Ok…?” Pheniks said. “Why don’t you tell me what you need? I can decide for myself whether I’ll refuse you.” 

 Oh, I really didn’t want to do this. 

 With my heart in my throat, I said, “If you’ve learned any more information about my target since gaining your new position, I need to know about it. I wouldn’t ask this of you, but… my child’s handoff is coming in the next two weeks. If I can manage it, I’d like to be there, and I know how selfish it is of me to do this-” 

 “It’s not selfish, you dumbass!” Pheniks said, rolling his eyes. “Getting a kid from Drav is a big deal! I wouldn’t deprive you of it, even if you were my worst enemy.” 

 For a split second, the room and my brother’s face blurred before I could get ahold of myself. 

 “Thank you,” I said. 

 Shaking his head, Pheniks said, “It won’t be as much trouble as you might think. I planned on sharing this information with Talira sometime in the next few days.” 

 Speaking of our grandmother, why hadn’t she made an appearance yet? I’d thought for sure that she’d be here by now, but for the moment, that didn’t matter. 

 “I’ve sent you the relevant information,” Pheniks continued. “You can review it while I talk.” 

 As he’d said, a new message had popped into my array, and I opened its attachment while he moved on. 

 “I won’t lie. As soon as I gained access to Arion’s data, I went hunting for clues about who’d started this series of events. I’m not sure what I was planning to do if I found any, whether that would have been exacting my own punishment or not, but I decided against it.” 

 Which was a relief. If betraying my brother’s trust had broken me as much as it had, I didn’t want to consider what truly hurting him would do to me. 

 I couldn’t give that idea much thought, however. After looking over what Pheniks had provided, I had an idea of who our culprit might be, and if I was right, I wanted to smack myself for not figuring it out earlier. 

 “As you can see, I eventually located the correspondences that passed between Arion and your target,” Pheniks said. “They were well hidden, to the point that I can’t blame whoever trawled through Arion’s data for missing them, but I still found them for myself. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pull identifying information from the conversation, which is saying something. I’m pretty good a dragging traces of a message’s sender from it, but these must have gone through at least a dozen proxies. Whatever trace was left on them has been long buried.” 

 Fortunately for me, that didn’t matter. The diction and word choice in half of these messages were ones I’d seen before. It wasn’t definitive proof, but with it, I had a lead to follow, one that based on previous experience, should pan out in a day or two. 

 “I’m sorry. I know it’s not much,” Pheniks said. “Hopefully, it’s enough to get you started, though.” 

 “It’s more than enough. Thank you.” 

 Leaning forward, I lightly touched his knee. 

 “You’ve cracked this case open for me.” 

 “I’m… glad,” Pheniks tightly said. 

 He flicked his eyes between my face and my hand, and I removed my hand. This hadn’t fixed things between us. I should have remembered that, but I hadn’t.  

 It was a start, though. Now, I needed to build on it. 

 “Once this chaos has died down, I should have some free time,” I said. “May I visit again? I’d like to help with your transition.” 

 Looking away, Pheniks said, “I don’t see why not. It’s the least you could do.” 

 His words might have been harsh, but I saw his faint smile, and that loosened the knot in my chest. 

 “Of course,” I said, “and… after my partners and I bring our child home, I wondered if you’d visit? The kid would love to meet their uncle.” 

 Pheniks jerked his head to me with a sharp glance. 

 “They’ll be a baby! They won’t even know who I am!” he said before softening. “But yes, I’ll swing by when I have a moment.” 

 At that, I grinned like a fool. I couldn’t help it. This confrontation had gone better than I’d expected, and perhaps seeing my relief, Pheniks rolled his eyes. 

 “Shouldn’t you be acting on the information I gave you?” he said. “I’d like to get some sleep.” 

 “Yes, that’s wise,” I said, getting off of the bed. “Thank you for this. Truly.” 

 Crossing his arms, Pheniks slouched. 

 “It wasn’t a big deal,” he said. 

 “I was to me,” I said. “Good night… Phen.” 

 Perhaps he’d heard the hesitation in my voice because while I walked away, my brother might fling the covers back over himself, but he also tossed a reassurance at me. 

 “Yes, good night, Zae,” he said. “Mother Time, what an idiot brother.” 

 I chuckled at that, but when I exited the apartment and saw my grandmother waiting for me outside, the noise stopped in my throat. Talira looked… I didn’t know how to describe it. Pleased, yet exceedingly annoyed? Her face was bright red, but her eyes were shining. 

 “Walk with me,” she snapped. 

 So, this was where she’d been. Why had she waited for me to finish with Pheniks instead of storming into that room to stop our conversation? 

 When she took off, I meekly followed her, not that I could do much else. It didn’t take her long to speak. 

 “What are you doing?” she hissed. 

 Glancing at her, I said, “My job?” 

 No matter what other comebacks I might have for her, I kept them to myself. When Talira got like this, it was best to play cautiously, if one wasn’t letting emotions cloud their focus, of course. 

 “You’ve broken deep cover,” Talira said. “Broken it more than you should have and before your mission’s complete. Why?” 

 I let loose a small sigh. 

 “I wasn’t getting anywhere with the methods I was taking, and despite what you and Feena might think, I’m aware of how concerning my behavior has become lately,” I said. “I was looking for a way to finish this mission so I can take part in a spell of much-needed rest.” 

 Stopping short, Talira spun on me. 

 “So, you admit that going on this mission was a mistake?” 

 With a nod, I said, “Readily.” 

 Talira must have expected me to deny it because while she opened her mouth, nothing emerged from it. After a moment of silence, I clasped my hands in front of me. 

 “Is there anything else, my shukusen?” I said. “I have things to do.” 

 Making a face, Talira rubbed it. 

 “Why do you make my life so difficult?” she said through her hands. 

 “That’s not my intention,” I said. 

 With an explosive sigh, Talira lowered her hands. 

 “I’m glad you and your brother have made up. He’s been a pain in my ass for months,” she said, “but you’re right. Go on, then! Bring me the man who’s made our last few months hell.” 

 So, she’d drawn the same conclusions as me. When had she plucked Pheniks’ data out of my array? 

 With a smile, I bowed to my grandmother. 

 “As my shukusen says.” 

 But then, I was off. We had nothing more to say to one another, and someone who’d broken the Concords required my attention. 

 Fortunately for him, he’d get a short stay of punishment. After all, I had to find definitive proof of his guilt before going after him.

Chapter 34: On the Hunt
When I reached Feena’s apartment, I entered it without announcing my presence. 

 “Get dressed, dear sister,” I called. “We have places to be.” 

 With a snort, Feena lifted herself out of her bed’s sheets, but when her bleary eyes focused on me, she groaned, burying her face in her pillows. I listened to the unintelligible mumbling that followed with amusement. 

 “What was that now?” I said. “I didn’t catch it through so many layers of cloth.” 

 Slapping both palms on the bed, Feena shot upright. 

 “I s aid, what the hell, Zae?” she snapped. 

 “Hey, you told me you were right next door if I needed you,” I said before shrugging one shoulder. “I need you.” 

 With her eyes narrowed, Feena said, “I meant for you to come find me if you needed help getting through a rough spot, and you look the opposite of unstable. So, what’s going on?” 

 My half-smile became a full-blown smirk. 

 “I have a lead,” I said. 

 After blinking at me for a moment, Feena leapt out of bed before gathering her clothes. 

 “Why didn’t you lead with that, asshole?” she said. “I swear. You always make things so much more difficult.” 

 Chuckling, I turned aside while my sister got dressed, and once she was done, she punched my shoulder while passing me. I rubbed the offended spot as I followed her, but once we were outside, I took the lead. 

 Trotting beside me, Feena drawled, “So…?” 

 With a thought, I sent her everything that Pheniks had given me. 

 “Look familiar?” 

 I wasn’t sure she’d recognize what I’d seen. After all, she might not have read the messages needed for answering me yet. 

 Clicking her tongue, Feena said, “Harvel. Of course. How did we not consider him as a suspect?” 

 “I did, actually, but after a cursory investigation, I ruled him out because he’s Fifth Stratus. I’m not looking down on him when I say that. It’s just… most of the time, a shukusen wouldn’t take someone of his Stratus seriously, not when it comes to crimes this momentous,” I said. “And you shouldn’t condemn him yet, Feena. We don’t have definitive proof that he’s guilty, just a lot of suggestive messages.” 

 “You’re right, of course,” Feena said.  

 We continued in silence for quite a bit more, but as we approached Harvel’s apartment, my sister jerked around to face me. 

 “How did you get so many of a shukusen’s messages, Zae?” she said. “You haven’t had enough time to steal them so… did you see our brother tonight? You said that wouldn’t happen for a while.” 

 As she scanned me, gnawing on her lip, I laughed. 

 “Relax. I’m fine,” I said, “and as for what you’re really asking, everything’s ok. Phen’s planning to visit me after my kid comes home, which will be sometime in the next two weeks.” 

 When Feena stopped short, I continued for a few paces before glancing over my shoulder at her. My sister had her gaze pinned to the platform beneath her feet, flexing and relaxing her hands. 

 “That’s why you’re in such a rush,” she said. 

 Cocking my head, I said, “Yes? If Harvel is our target and we bring him in tonight, I can go home. I can be with Leski and Ko when we get to hold our baby for the first time.” 

 Taking a sipping gasp, Feena lifted tear-filled eyes to me, and I furrowed my brow. How could anything I’d said have upset her? She rushed me, ignoring the prick of a dagger’s tip against her back when she engulfed me in a hug. 

 “Congratulations!” she said. 

 Slowly, she twisted me back and forth before releasing me, although she maintained her grip on my arms. 

 “I know why they told me to help you now,” she said. “Come on! Let’s finish this.”  

 Clapping my arms, she hurried off, but following her took me far too long, caught in my stunned state as I was. Feena hadn’t mentioned her role as a Chosen for months, and with how often I’d set aside thinking about it, this reference to it had me reeling. A long-forgotten voice let loose a shriek inside— 

 My sister’s going to die! 

 —and I shut it down with difficulty. Swallowing hard, I spun to race after her. 

 When we reached Harvel’s apartment, I knew something was wrong. The door had been left gaping, and when we stepped inside, I noted the knickknacks that had been knocked askew and the drawers left hanging open. 

 “Well, this doesn’t look good,” Feena said. 

 She already had her rifle in her hand while I was loosely holding some tranquilizer darts. If possible, we should bring Harvel in alive. Whether or not he was our culprit, he should be questioned, either about his behavior or to learn if he’d developed the neurotoxin on his own. If he hadn't , we needed to locate his compatriots. If he had, we’d need to know where he might have hidden any stashes of the neurotoxin. 

 Unfortunately, as we moved through the apartment, I concluded that capturing my target would take a while. His place was empty with the interiors of cabinets bared for all the world to see, and one section of the washroom’s floor was covered in glass. After we’d made sure that we were alone, Feena and I holstered our weapons. 

 “Someone left in a hurry,” she said. 

 With my lips drawn tight, I nodded. Damn. I’d sincerely hoped that we’d be finished with this soon. 

 “Look for any clues about where he’s gone,” I said.  

 Glancing at me, Feena said, “Really, Zae? Is that what we’re supposed to do next?” 

 But she smiled as she moved into the living room. I went looking for a storecase. It was unlikely that Harvel had left his escape plans on it, but we’d need the data on it either way. Better to pull it before starting my own search. 

 Finding the man’s study didn’t take me long, but when I stood in its threshold, I hesitated. Earlier, I’d only glanced in here, checking for hostiles, but now that I was paying attention, various alarms around the room’s perimeter, including one that was meant to alert its owner to a rifle’s formation, were obvious. 

 “This keeps getting better and better,” I said. 

 After bypassing the alarms, I stepped into the study, examining it with a keener eye. This was why I noticed the reduction of the room’s size. Most apartments across Xygek were cookie-cutter in nature, and I was familiar with the majority of their floor plans, which was how I knew this study’s back wall was a meter and a half too close to the door. 

 “Feena!” I called. 

 I was searching for something that would open a hidden compartment when my sister caught herself on the doorframe, out of breath. 

 “What is it?” she said. 

 Pointing at the desk, I said, “Can you comb through his storecase, please? I didn’t think he’d hide anything useful on it, but if he’s using such an obvious hiding spot, he might have- yes!” 

 When I put pressure on an indentation at ankle level, the suspect wall dissipated, much like a rifle would. Behind it, several vats, similar in style to the ones I’d found in House Zan’s headquarters, sat. Unwilling to jump to conclusions, I rested my fingers on one of the vat’s readouts, but when it lit up, my heart again flipflopped between the clouds and the bowels of the earth, exactly like it had the first time I’d read this combination of characters and numbers. Among other prompts and menus, the chemical formula that had started this months-long catastrophe waited to be viewed. 

 “There you are,” I said. 

 Now, we only needed to find Fifth Stratus Harvel and alert Talira, and finally, finally, I could take a break. 

 “Got something,” Feena said. “I think.” 

 When I turned on her, she was frowning at a hand-held monitor. 

 “What do you mean ‘you think’?” I asked. 

 “I mean…” 

 Sighing through her nose, Feena glanced up at me. 

 “Doesn’t this seem a little too easy?” she said. “We go six damn months without a clue, and now, we have that—” 

 She waved at the vats. 

 “—and this.” 

 Inclining her head toward the monitor, Feena extended it to me, and taking it, I glanced over what she had pulled up. Apparently, Harvel had reserved a cabin the Barasgami Mountains for the next year, starting tomorrow morning. After copying the location to my array, I dropped the display onto the desk with a thunk. 

 “Honestly, Feena? I don’t care how easy this was,” I said. “I plan to bring Harvel in and take a much-needed month off. If after that, Talira tells me that she has concerns with what we’ve unearthed tonight, I’ll happily look into it further, but not until I get my head on straight. Ok?” 

 Making a face, Feena said, “Yeah. Yeah! I’m sorry, Zae. I just-” 

 “Don’t apologize. You have good instincts,” I said, “but we have one of the few people that I’m actually eager to bring in out there. Shall we ruin his morning?” 

 With a fierce smile, Feena said, “Let’s.” 

 Which was how we found ourselves in a skycruiser above the mountains an hour later. We landed a kilometer from the cabin, spreading out when our feet hit the pine needles spread across the ground. 

 If Feena and I hadn’t been here on a mission, I might have enjoyed moving through these trees more. With the sun starting a first blush in the sky and a chill breeze rustling through the leaves, this place made for a nice setting, somewhere I might like to spend time alone. Hopefully, we wouldn’t have to introduce violence to it. 

 While making our approach, Feena and I scrunched closer to the ground while I had my array make out the cabin’s interior for me. The occupant’s heat signature placed him near the structure’s front door, sitting on something, and from the noises I could hear, he was watching a holodrama. 

 Meeting Feena’s eyes, I said in sub-vocals, “Secure the back door.” 

 Nodding, she disappeared behind the cabin, and I made my way to the window closest to my quarry. Halfway there, however, Harvel got to his feet, strolling toward the washroom near the foyer. He couldn’t have seen me or Feena. We’d been careful while approaching, and I’d have noticed any traps that he’d set to trigger. Right? 

 It didn’t matter. All that had changed was where I’d intercept my target, so I adjusted my path accordingly. As I crept to the front door, though, Harvel broke into a sprint, coming right at me. He was close enough that I barely had time to request my rifle before a sheet of metal slid to the side, and he nearly bowled me over. How the hell had he known where I was? 

 By the time I’d recovered my balance, Harvel was already in the trees. Mother Time, he was a fast fucker. 

 “Feena, runner!” I shouted before sprinting after him. 

 As he fled, Harvel left behind plenty of markers, which made tracking him all the easier. It was a nice change of pace, considering I’d never liked relying on my array to hunt down a target. Given his recklessness, I should have him in custody within the hour, despite his early detection of Feena and me. 

 Where was my sister? She should have caught up with me by now. I gave that question cursory attention before focusing on the chase.  

 House Kolb speed aided me with this, but I could only use it in bursts. Anything longer and I’d have to enter a thoughtless state, which wasn’t conducive toward anything intellectual. Like tracking. 

 Consumed by the need to find this bastard and get him to Xygek, I almost didn’t notice the request for connection when it popped into my array. I thought about ignoring it. Considering it was from Talira, though, I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. 

 “What?” I snapped once I’d accepted. 

 “My, someone’s testy,” Talira said. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” 

 Vaulting over a fallen tree, I said, “Chasing down my suspect right now, shukusen.” 

 “Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you my news, then. Save it for later,” Talira said. “How much longer will you be?” 

 “Maybe an hour,” I hissed through gritted teeth. 

 “Hmm.” 

 Dodging a low-hanging branch, I contained my irritation while she decided what to do, and soon enough, she sighed. 

 “This can’t wait that long,” Talira said. “First, though, you should know that Ko told me about your visit with him and Leski last night. Why did you ask me to enforce your damn rules if you plan on flouting them like that?” 

 “I needed to ask a question,” I said. “Did your request a connection just to berate me, shukusen? If so, can it wait until-?” 

 “No, you impatient ass. The news I have for you is about the question that you asked them,” Talira said. “A House Drav member contacted Leski about five minutes ago. They’re ready to hand off your kid. Your partners are on their way to Drav’s headquarters now.” 

 With my breath hitching, I had to slow down if I didn’t want to fall. Today? Really? Why did it have to be today? 

 “Zaeden?” Talira said. 

 And I realized that she’d said my name a few times. 

 “Understood,” I said. “Is there anything else, or can I finish this mission?” 

 With another sigh, Talira said, “There’s nothing else. Good luck, my Lokke Vitras.” 

 The connection cut. 

 So. Despite all my efforts, my worst fear for these past six months would be realized. I wouldn’t be there when my child was welcomed into the family. I wouldn’t see Korix or Leski’s faces when a House Drav member relinquished our baby into their arms. I wouldn’t look at that small face and kiss their tiny palms, knowing that this precious life was, in part, mine to love and guide. 

 I was so distracted by these thoughts that I didn’t see Feena until she was careening into my side. Tripping, we fell to the forest floor, rolling to spread the impact, but once my momentum had slowed, I was on my feet, ready to rip into my sister. 

 Or I was ready to do that until I saw the tripwire that was strung between two nearby trees, one that was set to drop a grenade. A trap? Mother Time, how prepared had Harvel been for us? 

 Then, I had to consider how I’d let myself get so careless that it had almost gotten me killed. 

 “Be careful, Zae!” Feena panted, still not the ground. 

 Without a word, I offered her a hand, hauling her to her feet, and we took off once more. 

 This needed to be done. I couldn’t be defeatist, thinking that my chances of a happy ending were gone. While there was still hope that I could reach Xygek on time, I would fight to get there, and damn the odds.

Chapter 35: This'll Be a Rush Job
Harvel just would not make this easy for me. 

 I had to give him credit. He’d most definitely been prepared for House Kolb to come after him, which was less common than one would think. A surprising number of fugitives thought they’d get away with their crimes. This man kept leading me and Feena into traps that he must have set a while ago. There was no way he could have lain so many of them between getting here earlier and when we’d arrived. All of which meant that our pursuit of him became a series of hopping skips. 

 I careened to a stop, throwing an arm in front of Feena, when I noted an incongruous pile of fallen leaves ahead of us, one that was probably hiding a pit or a pressure plate. After half an hour of this, we’d reached a part of the mountain where trees had become clumps instead of a sprawl, soon to fade into craggy cliffs. I was curious why our quarry had laid a trap here, where it would be more easily spotted, especially after the cunning that he’d shown to this point, but not enough to question it. 

 “This is becoming tiresome,” I said, “and I need to get to Xygek.” 

 Resting her hands on her hips, Feena glanced at me. 

 “What are you going to do about it?” she said. 

 What would I do about it? If I was to return to the capital on time, I couldn’t keep going like this. 

 Making a face, I said, “I have a fix on his trajectory. You stay on his heel. I’ll take a shorter path to get ahead of him, and you can drive him to me.” 

 With a nod, Feena said, “Sounds good.” 

 So, I veered to the side, hoping that Harvel wouldn’t deviate from his path, while she continued on. Trusting myself to a thoughtless state, I was in position within a few minutes, and as soon as I was ready, I requested a connection with my sister. 

 “You see my location?” I asked when it established. 

 “Yup,” she said. “Getting close. Maybe another three minutes.” 

 “All right,” I said. “Keep the connection open, please.” 

 “Mmhmm.” 

 For a while, I listened to her run while making a habitual check of my weapons. Soon enough, though, Feena’s array showed her approaching me, so I fell still, ready for any violence that might ensue. 

 It came earlier than I’d expected. The zap of an energy bolt filled the connection between me and my sister, followed by a thud and nothing else. Not even her heavily gasped breathing. 

 As prickling apprehension raced from my belly to my extremities, I said, “Feena? What was that?” 

 The connection cut, and while dumbly staring at the place where the marker of its existence had once lain in my array, a persistent roar filled my ears and mind, strangling logical thought. The only words that defeated this haze were ones spoken by Korix, months ago. 

 Every Chosen I’ve known has died before their time. Horribly. 

 Harvel stepped into view between two boulders, and slipping on pebbles, he stopped, leaning on his knees. When I stepped out from behind a stone, he whipped his head to me, and I again wondered how he’d known where I was. 

 “Lokke Vitras!” he shouted. 

 Raising my rifle, I shot a clean hole through the center of his forehead, and his body crumpled, rolling in the loose stones beneath it. 

 Yes, I should have captured him so House Kolb could conduct an interrogation, making sure that this neurotoxin was wiped from existence, but at the moment, I had no concern for the future. All I saw was a chemical formula that would have wreaked so much suffering. All I was considering was how this man had kept me from my family in a time when they’d needed me. All I heard was the absolute silence that was only heard in a connection with someone who’d just joined the Collective. 

 I paused at the corpse long enough to mark its location for retrieval, but then, I was racing for the tree line. Before we’d lost contact, Feena’s array had placed her in front of it, and that was where I found her. 

 Evidence of the energy bolt that had hit her had cleaved through her chest while the blood from an unseared vein was soaking the stone beneath her. It was one of the worst chest wounds I’d seen in a while, and Feena was lucky that it had landed where it had. 

 Glaring up at me, she gasped, “What—” 

 With a wince, she turned to the side so she can spit out a mouthful of blood. 

 “—are you doing… here?” she finished. 

 Crossing my arms, I said, “Making sure you’re all right. Have you given yourself enough of those?” 

 I nodded at the hypos sticking out of her thigh. 

 When she weakly nodded, I continued, “And emergency services are on their way?” 

 Again, she nodded, and lowering my arms, I released a long sigh. 

 “Ok,” I said. “I’ll trust that you know what you’re doing, then. When I can, I'll bring my kid to see you in recovery.” 

 With a smile, Feena said, “Go.” 

 So, I did. I’d never used House Kolb for something personal before. The ability was too dangerous to justify doing that, but today, danger could be damned. 

 I was at the skycruiser within four minutes, and perhaps a single breath passed between me flinging myself into it and it rising off of the ground. As it gained altitude, I swept through the processes that regulated how fast it could move, disabling then. Because of this, when the skycruiser picked up speed, it accelerated so quickly that it slammed me into my seat. 

 I stayed plastered there throughout the trip to Xygek, gritting my teeth at the pressure on my body all the while, but enduring this discomfort proved itself worthwhile. A flight that would have normally taken an hour was compressed into twenty minutes. 

 As soon as the capital’s towers blocked out the sky, my skycruiser reduced its speed so suddenly that it might have tossed me through the front window if I hadn’t been ready to catch myself on the console, and during the agonizingly slow ride to the center of the city, I jittered my leg, staring with fixation at a map that was tracking my position. I had the skycruiser moving forward with all possible speed, but here, with so many people going about their business, careening thoughtlessly forward wasn’t safe, and I was loath to abuse my status as the Lokke Vitras to disturb the average citizen’s day, even for something like this. 

 I’d, of course, sent messages to both my partners and shukusen Marza when leaving the Barasgami Mountains, letting them know I was on my way, but I doubted anyone in House Drav would delay today’s proceedings for me. The general consensus among Lutov’s population was that if someone couldn’t drop everything for an event like this, then they didn’t deserve to be a part of it. Sometimes, this could lead to the promised child being adopted out to another family, but usually, it meant the child was sent to their parents’ home, staining them and the kid with shame. 

 Fortunately, when we’d turned in our application, my partners and I had worked out an agreement with Marza to mitigate this.  Considering who I was and what my job entailed, she would allow handoff if I was absent, but only if both Korix and Leski were present, not that I’d ever wanted that to happen. House Kolb members and anyone loosely associated with them knew better than to ignore worst case scenarios, though, preparing for them instead. 

 When the sea of towers around me opened to the empty air above the center of Xygek, I took control of the skycruiser, guiding it toward House Drav’s headquarters, which was of course, on the other side of the fucking park. I wondered how many people looked up at the skycruiser that was streaking by overhead, nearly skimming the roof of Acceptance Arena. 

 While coming up on my goal, I spied a pair of familiar people waiting at the tower’s doors, and the kernel in my chest loosened. Even still, after the skycruiser had landed, I stumbled out of it, nearly falling on my ass, and while straightening my clothes, I bolted for Leski and Korix, not giving a single shit about the started looks directed my way. 

 As I approached, my life partner looked me over. 

 “That’s one way to break deep cover,” he said. 

 Then, I was on them, pulling the loves of my life to me, and while catching my breath, I ignored the manic laughter that was pouring out of me. Soon enough, I pulled away. 

 “Shouldn’t you be inside?” I said. “Considering how helpful Marza’s been throughout this process, she probably won’t appreciate any delay on our part.” 

 “Relax. Being a couple of minutes late won’t hurt anything, and you look like you need them,” Leski said, brushing hair out of my eyes. “You look horrid, love: disheveled, unshaven, dirt-streaked…” 

 Making a face, I said, “Literally just finished my mission. I didn’t have time to change.” 

 “So, you caught your target?” Korix asked. 

 When I nodded, he grinned, making me shiver. 

 “I knew you could do it,” he said, “barely scraping by with it too. Sounds familiar.” 

 “He does like to keep us guessing, doesn’t he?” Leski said with a smirk. 

 Rolling my eyes, I grabbed them about the waist, ushering them toward the doors. 

 “Yes, yes. If you two could stop with the teasing, maybe we can get inside before Marza cancels our appointment.” 

 We headed inside.

Chapter 36: Welcome to the World
Once we were inside Drav’s headquarters, we headed for a receptionist, sitting behind a welcome desk. Guests from other Houses announced their presences there, getting the passes they’d need to access their destinations. When I visited these places, I usually ignored such stations, never needing what they provided, but when it came to this most delicate of undertakings, it was best to be polite. 

 Never looking up, the receptionist gruffly said, “Yes?” 

 Sometimes, though, keeping my rude comments to myself was a struggle, especially when I was already stressed. I was so grateful to my partners. When I opened my mouth to snap at this man, Korix squeezed my arm while Leski leaned on the desk, cupping her face. 

 “Hi there!” she said. “My partners and I received a message this morning. Apparently, our baby’s handoff is today?” 

 Grunting, the receptionist waved at us, keeping his eyes fixed on what had him occupied, and a map flashed into my array. 

 “Go to the highlighted room, and stay on your outlined path. Don’t make us escort you out on your special day,” he said, “and congratulations.” 

 Beaming, Leski said, “Thank you!” 

 Korix tugged me away, and only once we were free of the receptionist did I realize how much I’d bristled. 

 “I forgot how callous people from one House can be to those from another,” I growled. “I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with that.” 

 “Oh, don’t worry about it! Usually, Drav members are much more welcoming, nurturing even, which makes sense,” Leski said. “So, think nothing of it. Let’s just get where we need to be.” 

 Much as I might want to protest it, she was right, so I set my irritation aside, hurrying along the highlighted path. 

 I’d always found it strange that Drav, with its focus on population control, had a headquarters that more resembled Zan than Kirst, its complementary House. As we rushed down hallways, Korix, Leski, and I passed many a lab as well as several ‘warehouses’, full of petri dishes and carefully controlled test tubes. Every time I saw this, the sight of so many fetuses—potential humans waiting for approval to exist—made me shiver, although I could usually control the reaction. 

 Not so today. Today, I knew my child had floated in that viscous liquid for months longer than they should have, all because of who their parents were. 

 When we reached our indicated room, the House Drav member in it was shoving a handheld monitor into her bag, muttering under her breath. She jerked her head up when Korix cleared his throat. 

 Shooting a glare at us, she snapped, “You’re late.” 

 “Yes, and we apologize for that,” Korix said. “Some of us were coming from more remote locations than the rest, and we wanted to greet our newest family member as a single unit.” 

 With a frown, the House Drav member scanned us before relaxing and sitting behind the room’s counter. 

 “You’re lucky. I find that desire admirable. Others? Not so much,” she said. “Please, sit down.” 

 She gestured at the chairs on our side of the counter, and as we sat, I glanced at Leski and Korix. Had their hearts begun fluttering with anticipation? Mine had, but they looked exceedingly calm. I shouldn’t find that surprising, considering Korix had once held my position and Leski had been an exceptional operative in her time, but for some reason, I was barely holding it together. Why was I the only one who needed to flex his hands, releasing tension, right now? 

 “Right,” the House Drav member said. 

 She pulled a monitor back out of her bag while tucking her hair behind an ear. 

 “I’m Eighth Stratus Siva, and I’ll guide you through today’s procedure,” she said. “First, we’ll verify your identity to ensure proper handoff. I hope you can forgive this precaution. We want to make sure your progeny goes to the right people.” 

 While she smiled at us, I internally winced, knowing exactly why this precaution existed. Years ago, someone had gotten the sickeningly brilliant idea of using identity forgery to steal children from their parents. After all, given how tightly Drav controlled Lutov’s population, children were… a valuable commodity. 

 Hell, considering something like that made me sick to my stomach. 

 In any case, that incident had taken me little time to resolve—unsurprising given the focus I’d put into it—and afterward, I’d insisted that Drav put measures in place to ensure it never happened again. It was good to see they’d taken my urgings to heart. 

 “You’ll find that we’re more grateful than offended,” I said. 

 With her smile growing, Siva folded her hands on the counter. 

 “Good to hear,” she said. “As for the rest of this procedure! Once we have legal formalities out of the way, we’ll step into the room behind me—” 

 She inclined her head to the door at her back. 

 “—and I’ll bring your baby to you. Any questions?” 

 Each of us shook our heads. The procedure seemed simple enough. 

 “Excellent! Let’s get started, then,” Siva said, sliding the handheld monitor to us. “Place your thumb in the glowing circle. Your array may inform you that an outside source is accessing your designator. Please, don’t block it. We scan designators for our identity checks.” 

 “Understandable,” Korix said. 

 Reaching for the monitor, he let this Eighth Stratus have access to one of the most private pieces of a Lutovish’s life. This show of determination helped me when, once Leski had followed his example, I had to do the same. 

 As the thumbprint whirl of my designator returned me untampered with, I breathed out, letting tension leak from me, until the edges of the monitor turned red. Frowning, Siva retrieved the handheld monitor while I cocked my head. What could have upset it? 

 “Fourth Stratus Rylan?” she said, glancing at me. “I’m sorry. Out of respect for your privacy, I don’t know who you three are, but even with that, this alert tells me you aren’t approved for a child. Are you sure this man is your partner?” 

 Groaning, I slapped my face, working through what had happened. Mother Time, that had taken me far longer than it should have. After making the necessary changes, I gestured for the monitor. 

 “Here. Let it read me again,” I said. “I just finished a deep-cover mission, and in my rush to get here, I forgot to adjust my designator. My mistake.” 

 Jerking toward me, Korix said, “You forgot? Really?” 

 Clicking my tongue, I wiggled my fingers for the monitor while glancing at him. 

 “Yes, Ko. I forgot. You can lecture me about it later if you really think it’s necessary and…” I said before wincing. “Hell. That came out harsh. I’m sorry. Even given how stressed I’ve been, I shouldn’t-” 

 Resting his hand on my cheek, Korix patted it. 

 “It’s ok. I shouldn’t have said anything, all part of that teacher instinct you want me to discard,” he said. “Although perhaps we should focus elsewhere for now?” 

 “Preferably before Siva calls for someone to throw us out,” Leski hissed. “I swear. You two can be so distractible sometimes.” 

 When I faced Siva once more, she was clutching her handheld monitor to her chest while leaning away from us, clearly unsure what to do. 

 “I think… you should leave,” she said. “I’ll have the baby sent to its proper parents, but you three…” 

 She kept talking, and I watched her lips move, analyzing my options. Honestly, though? I only had one. 

 When I’d learned about the anonymity that this process provided, I’d been relieved. If news of our good luck had been broadcast across Xygek, I hadn’t wanted to learn what might happen when the Lokke Vitras emerged from House Drav’s headquarters with his family, including the littlest one. I hadn’t wanted that publicity, neither for the risk it might bring or for an impingement on this most private of affairs. 

 Faced with this, though, I had no choice but to banish our anonymity, not that I’d been doing a great job of maintaining it before. Even if Siva could avoid accruing shame on us when sending our child home, leaving now would mean a delay in something that we’d waited long enough for, something I’d fought too hard for. So, when Siva shifted in place, about to call for help, I raised a hand, presenting her with my palm. 

 “I wouldn’t do that, my dear,” I said with a sigh. “Check my shared status. If you still think that we should leave once you have, we’ll go without protest.” 

 While her eyes glazed over, I turned to my partners. 

 ‘Sorry,’ I mouthed. 

 They either smiled or shook their head before Leski claimed my arm, nuzzling it, and Korix ruffled my hair. I had one eye closed, grimacing, when Siva squeaked. Her mouth was open wide while her eyes had taken on a look I’d grown to hate. 

 Rolling mine, I said, “Yes, I’m the Lokke Vitras. Yes, you’re honored to meet me. I know.” 

 Leaning forward, I laid my hands on the counter, moving slowly so she didn’t spook. 

 “Siva. Right now, I’m just another nameless person, here for handoff,” I said. “I know it’s contradictory to everything you believe, but while I’m with you, I exist only for myself and my family. Please. For a spell, I need you to see me as just another man. Can you do that?” 

 Swallowing hard, Siva nodded, and I barely stopped myself from sighing. Despite her acknowledgment, she wouldn’t treat me as I’d requested. I’d met very few Lutovish who could, but hopefully, my entreaty would keep her functional until my family could leave this place. 

 Extending a hand, I said, “Monitor?” 

 She gave it to me, openly staring as I once more pressed my thumb where indicated. When I returned it to her, she barely glanced over it before returning her attention to me. 

 “Well?” I said after a moment. 

 Jumping, Siva blinked for a moment before shooting to her feet. 

 “Right,” she said. “If you’ll… if you’ll follow me.” 

 She swiped at the air, and the counter retracted into the wall while Siva wobbled to the door. We passed through it and into the room beyond, stepping into a space that had clearly been designed to induce a sense of comfort. 

 Three of the walls had been painted a soft blue color with wispy clouds near the ceiling, and the fourth was made entirely of windows, looking onto a courtyard with sunlight bouncing down to it. Brightly colored flowers dotted the grass, swaying between a pair of trees. 

 Inside, a small couch sat along the room’s perimeter, and as if tailored for us, one of Leski’s performances was filling the air. A holodrama plate rested in the center of the room while a pleasant scent smacked me in the face, making me aware of how awful I smelled. I couldn’t change that, though. 

 When Siva directed us to take a seat, we did, converging on the couch while she stayed on her feet. Folding her hands, she started to speak before choking on herself, but after a few more tries, she got her words out. 

 “I have no doubt that you’re anxious right now.” 

 Flicking her eyes to me, Siva frowned, as if confused, before continuing. 

 “I assure you. That’s normal,” she said. “It’s not, however, how you should greet your baby. While I’m retrieving them, you should find your center so you can be the comforting presence they’ll need. Once I return, you can have as much time here as you like before going home. If you need the stimulus, the holodrama plate has a few flics loaded onto it, and if you’d like to go outside, touch this indentation—” 

 She pointed to a spot beside the glass wall. 

 “—and the windows will retract. Within the next week, you’ll need to file pertinent details, such as a name, with Drav’s records department, but then, you’ll be done with us. I’ve already asked this, but if you have any questions, now will be your last chance to ask them.” 

 After glancing at us, Leski said, “We’re good, thank you.” 

 “Very well,” Siva said. “I’ll return soon, then.” 

 Bowing to us, she walked through a door, leaving us in silence, but none of us broke it. I didn’t know about my partners, but I couldn’t speak because of the storm of butterflies in my stomach. Shifting in place, I played with the hem of my shirt, and this, the first quiet moment I’d had this morning, was when I was hit by how lost I was about… all of this. 

 “Has Drav told you whether we have a daughter or a son?” I asked. “The tradition of waiting to find that out may have carried over from the time of the pre-Founding nations but…” 

 Taking my hand, Korix stopped my rambling. 

 “No, we don’t know yet,” he said. 

 “Ok,” I muttered. 

 And I tried to keep my mouth shut. I tried to give them the time that they might need to conquer their own anxiety, but more quickly than they should have, my retained questions had me popping to my feet so I could pace. 

 “Have you thought of a name yet?” I said. “What am I thinking? Of course you have.” 

 Without thinking about it, I started chewing on a thumbnail. I knew how unhygienic and unappealing that habit was, but when I noticed what I was doing, I couldn’t stop it. Also, the room was starting to sway. Did no one else see that? 

 “What about how we’ll handle having a baby with who I am? How will we keep them safe?” I said. “I’ve missed so much of the planning for this. Just the damn planning. How much will I miss in the future? Mother Time, applying for a kid was an insane decision. We should have-” 

 Someone snatched my wrist, stopping me short, and I glanced at my wife. 

 With a smile, she said, “Sit down, Zaeden.” 

 I did as she’d asked—of course I did—but I couldn’t stop moving. If I held myself still, the energy inside of me would build, and if it spilled over, I didn’t know what would happen. I imagined it wouldn’t be good, considering how much my chest was already aching. 

 Taking hold of my shoulders, Korix forced me to sit back, keeping his hand behind my neck once I was there. 

 Kneading it, he said, “Panic attack?” 

 Sucking in a breath, I froze before nodding. That was what was happening. 

 “Hell, I haven’t had one of those in decades,” I said. 

 Which explained why I hadn’t recognized the signs. How did I calm one of these down again?  

 That was right. Take a deep breath in and breathe it out. And repeat. 

 “Don’t worry, my love,” Leski said. “Ko and I have been ready for this for weeks. Until you catch up, we can handle anything you can’t do.” 

 With a laugh, I said, “So, you’re not worried right now?” 

 “Oh, no! I’m terrified,” Leski said, “but I know that together, we can do this.” 

 She took Korix’s hand and mine, and linked with them, the vices on my chest and mind relented. We stayed like this for a long while. I didn’t know what was taking so long, but considering how many delays we’d already dealt with, one more didn’t bother me. 

 When Siva eventually returned with a rolling bassinet, I’d almost fallen asleep on Korix’s shoulder, but any inclination that I might have had for dreams vanished when he stiffened beside me. He and Leski were on their feet before I’d comprehended what was happening, and to my chagrin, I had to suppress a yawn while joining them. Once there, however, I joined my partners in a statue state, staring at the promise of joy that we’d been offered. 

 “I’ll leave you to it,” Siva said before backing out of the room. 

 Still, we couldn’t move, although I wasn’t sure why that was. Korix broke his paralysis first, striding toward the bassinet, but once he was standing over it, he turned, and tension fled from him while the most beatific smile pulled on his lips. 

 “Aren’t you beautiful?” he said. 

 Hesitantly, he poked a finger toward the bassinet, and tiny, waving hands lifted to capture it. A stunningly gleeful sound sent questing tendrils into my heart, twisting something primal, and I forgot to breathe. Was that my child’s laughter? 

 But then, Korix joined in with a chuckle, tugging his finger from side to side, and Leski was racing for them as if staying away for a single second more would kill her. When she looked into the bassinet, she sank to her knees, clinging to its side with her chin on her hands. 

 “Mother Time, he’s perfect,” she said. 

 A son! I had a son! 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I pushed back the tears that were trying to escape from me. They might be happy tears, but in the last year, I’d cried far too much over horrible things. I wouldn’t do it now. 

 Because now, I was the most elated I’d been in decades. Hell, I couldn’t remember when I’d last fallen into euphoria because of happiness. Maybe when Leski had told me she was staying with me, no matter what, but this was a different type of happiness. This was warm and golden and made of a syrupy sweetness that I never wanted to surrender, but I slowly relinquished my grip on it, if only to open my eyes. 

 Korix and Leski hadn’t moved, still struck speechless, and for a fraction of a second, I didn’t think I deserved to be with them. As soon as the thought occurred, though, I rejected it, lifting the first of my heavy feet. My heart was in my throat when I reached them, although it was a pleasant sensation this time, and finally, finally, I got my first glimpse of my child. 

 The logical part of my brain noted the imperfections in his features—the too-close-together eyes, the jutting forehead, and more—all identifying makers, because of course it did. I’d been trained too well. 

 I, however, only saw my child's fingers and toes, the chubby arms, the tuft of brown hair, the freckles spread across his impossibly small nose, the hazel eyes that were bouncing between us with such trust in them. Those eyes locked onto the newcomer, and his baby babble shifted into a delighted key. 

 Hearing it, I couldn’t help myself. I knew I should let Leski or Korix do this, but a desperately teetering part of me, crying out for a break, needed this. So, I bent forward, and I lifted my child out of the bassinet, resting him in my arms, and it was as if oxygen had flooded my suffocating spark of a soul. I was light as air, and in this moment, nothing could touch me. 

 I was immune to pain. 

 Curling over our baby’s body, I kissed his forehead before pulling back enough to see him, someone who’d become my world. 

 “You are the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me,” I said, resting a finger on his cheek, “and I will keep you safe for as long as you let me. You will never know suffering or this world’s many horrors. Not if I can help it. You will be happy…” 

 Blinking a few times, I came back to myself, lifting my head to find Korix and Leski watching me with fond smiles. 

 “What’s his name?” I croaked, only now noticing how dry my mouth was. 

 Just as I noticed that I was holding a fragile baby. Me, who’d never done this before and probably should never go near children. 

 Perhaps seeing my rush of panic, my partners hurried to me, and Leski took our child out of my arms. 

 “This,” she said, tracing the baby’s cheek, “is Jak.” 

 Hmm. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that name, but given how often I’d been gone for the last few months, I didn’t deserve much of a say in it. 

 Sliding behind Leski, Korix hugged her, hunching so he could rest his chin on her shoulder. 

 “And we will keep him safe,” he said. 

 Laughing, I said, “Fair enough.” 

 I stepped forward to complete our gathering. In the background of my mind, my troubles—how much I’d been drinking, the self-harm, my shaky relationship with my brother, my faltering mental state, my sister as a Chosen—rumbled, but they could stay there for the moment. For now, I had the two people I most loved at my side. I had my son, quickly joining their ranks, and I had a month of respite ahead of me. Life couldn’t be better. 

 So, I met Korix and Leski’s eyes, and we grinned like fools before returning our attention to the fulfillment of a decades-long-held goal.

Addendum
So, now you’ve met one of the few people I’d sacrifice everything for. My child. 

 By now, you’ll have figured out where this story is going, although if you haven’t, that’s fine too. As with the beginning of the Ancients Crisis, I’ll skip a few years, twenty-five in fact. During this time, I was again an utter moron in a lot of ways. For example, I never followed up on Feena’ suspicion about how easily we'd found Harvel, filing the memories of that mission in a folder that I rarely touched. 

 As for what happened during those years, I’d say not a lot. Socially, there was backlash when people found out I had a kid, but I’d expected that. My partners and I kept it away from Jax. 

 Also, about six years after we took our child home, a few concerning issues started arising for me, or rather, I first started taking notice of them. For instance, before then, my personas may have been getting out of hand, as seen by how independent Rylan had become while with Zan and Cerullis, but for some reason, they started getting more… intelligent—I’ll put it—as well, which made keeping them below the surface more difficult. Learning how to solve that problem took me quite some time, and as you’ll see in the next few chapters, I still wasn’t great at it, even after twenty-five years of practice. 

 My general mental state also took a turn for the worse, although it was never in a way that affected my job or relationships. Simply put, my anxiety and depression levels skyrocketed, making it much more difficult to keep them under control, but I managed. I’ve always done that. 

 If only I’d known then what I know now. Hell, it would have helped. 

 When it came to my job, I found myself carefree for the first time in decades. I looked into some minor problems, like the missing persons case I’ve mentioned, but not much else came up. 

 That mission ended up being mostly frustrating. We never found the people who were lost, and when the disappearances stopped a year later, the case was put on a shelf to gather dust. Fortunately, not many of the others were like that, easily solvable instead. 

 Soon after my month-long break, I visited Sanya, as planned, and as you might expect, we quickly became friendly with one another. Usually, I don’t have much trouble when it comes to getting along with people, and Sanya’s personality meshed well with mine. Why wouldn’t we get along? 

 The point I’m trying to make, however, is that for twenty-five years, my life was wonderful. I got to raise our child through their formative years. I got to be a father and a husband and a life partner and a lover instead of a ruthlessly efficient killing machine. 

 This made me soft. So, it was inevitable that what I’ll describe next would occur.

Chapter 37: They Got the Drop on Me
I wasn’t going to make it. My blasted P.I.G. had given out too far from rescue, succumbing to the damage that my latest target had caused it, and as I stumbled forward, my vision kept blinking in and out of focus. If that weren’t enough, the fact that blood was still leaking from me was… concerning, to put it lightly, and I still needed to surmount the security measures that I’d established around the refuge I was headed toward. 

 I would get through them, though. If I was to reach the RRDs I needed, I’d have to. Mother Time knew how quickly I’d run through the hypos I’d had on me. 

 After all these years, it would be just my luck to die on the tail end of a mission—and an easy one at that—with naught but a five-minute walk between me and my home. Hell, I’d only been tracking a target to the contraband he’d been smuggling! 

 As I reached the garden at the back of the estate, I marveled that my rapidly failing body had gotten me this far, even as I cursed what had forced me to bring evidence of my role to this place. When I’d made the decision to come here, I’d known I wouldn’t reach another source of salvation in time, and I’d deemed the possible risk of exposing my family to my body’s state less damaging than the pain that my passing would inflict. Hopefully, though, I could sneak into the house, stab myself with hypos, and sleep off their contained RRDs with none the wiser. 

 I made it through the garden without incident, although climbing the stairs to the terrace nearly had me tumbling back down them. 

 When I reached the top, I couldn’t celebrate my success. I stopped short, weaving in place, while staring at my child. What was he doing here? 

 He was standing in front of a window, grimacing at his reflection, with a bouquet of flowers in one hand. Ever the nurturing horticulturist, my Jak. With the other hand, he pulled his hair out of its tail before prodding a cheek. Lifting a finger, he rested it on the distorted nose in the glass opposite him. 

 “Horrible is what you are. We’re going to change that,” he said, probably meaning for it to go unheard. 

 But I had yet to relax from a heightened state, and because of that, his words, a repeat of things that I’d caught over the years, clearly drifted to my ears. Perhaps I could blame my damaged body for the protesting noise I made in response. 

 This, of course, got Jak's attention, and when he spun toward me, I ducked for cover. Out of everyone in my family, he was the one I’d least wanted to see me like this. I only ended up tripping over non-responsive feet, though, barely catching myself on a railing, and at the gasp that rose in front of me, I winced. 

 “Per!” Jak shouted. 

 Oh, how that typically beloved word tore at me when it had been spoken this time. 

 “Don’t worry. ‘m ok,,” I mumbled into the railing’s stone. “Just need… rest.” 

 After a beat of quiet, Jak growled, “Like hell you’re ok.” 

 Unable to move the rest of my body, I fought to lift my head, and boy, was I glad when I did that. My child was storming toward me, and in the confusing mix of expressions roiling across his face, I got a glimpse of the adult he’d become. Once he was at my side, he tossed my arm over his shoulders, lifting me off of the railing. With his help, I forced myself to move toward the house. 

 “What happened?” Jak asked. 

 How was he so calm right now? Usually, he didn’t do well with disruptions in his life, preferring to shy away from sources of conflict. 

 “Was nothing… serious,” I gasped, noticing how precious oxygen had become. “Just got… a little careless.” 

 With his grip on me tightening, Jak said, “Damnit, per. I need to know what sort of injuries I’m dealing with.” 

 Should I tell him how badly I’d been hurt? As he dragged me inside, I considered lying to my child. I had to shield him from the dangers of my life, but as I catalogued my body’s condition, I wasn’t sure if I could do that today. 

 Jak was already out of breath from how heavily I was drooping on him, and my extremities were going numb. That combined with my skewed sight and how much the hall was spinning had me surprised that I was still conscious. With these symptoms, I had to be bleeding internally, and that meant I should be out like a light right now, soon to breathe my last. So, I decided to be truthful. 

 “‘s bad,” I said, wanting to slap myself for how much my words were slurring. “Also. Language.” 

 Transferring me to a drone, Jak snorted. 

 “Like you’ve ever cared about that before,” he said. “Now, where are your emergency RRDs? I know you keep them around here somewhere.” 

 So. Calm. I… never expected him to be so… 

 A stinging sensation in my cheeks had me blinking at my child's blurry face. As I registered the anti-gravity field the drone had caught me in, Jak smacked my cheeks again. 

 “RRDs, dad,” he said. “Where are they?” 

 Shit. He didn’t call me ‘dad’ unless… 

 But what… what he’d asked… 

 Who was supposed to be home right now? 

 “Ask yur father,” I managed. 

 Then, I was gone. For a while, vague glimpses of my victims chased me, flickering in and out of view. They were different every time I caught sight of them. 

 “A number,” they snarled at me. “We’re just a number to you.” 

 With that, they faded, and I was left staring at the back of my eyelids with the contents of a highly frequented file flashing on them. I must have opened it while sleeping. 

 Damn, that number was high. 

 After shoving the file to the side, I took a deep breath before opening my eyes. I was in bed, as expected, but it wasn’t the one I shared with my partners. Considering my unfamiliarity with my surroundings, I must be in a guest room. 

 When a book creaked closed beside me, I made a face, keeping one eye closed as I turned toward the sound. Korix didn’t look nearly as pissed as I’d thought he’d be. Sitting in a chair beside me, he had an ankle propped on his knee with a book held in his lap. 

 “How are you feeling?” he asked. 

 Right. The reason I was lying here. 

 “Fine. I think,” I said. 

 Grimacing, I pushed myself upright, scooting to rest against the headboard. 

 “Is Jak ok?” 

 “He’s a little shaken, but he’ll be fine.” 

 Korix set his book on the bed before folding his hand on his raised leg. 

 “What happened?” he said. 

 Sighing, I banged my head on the wall. 

 “I made a stupid mistake. Didn’t check my corners when entering a room,” I said. “My target was in one of them. He shot me.” 

 “A few times, from what I saw,” Korix said, glancing at my chest. “Should I be worried?” 

 Oh, Mother Time, how much subtext lay behind that question, but the chief part of it didn’t revolve around me. Sure, a lot of what I heard from him was, ‘Will you be coming home like this more often now?’ But a lot was also, ‘Should I expect to see you training the next Lokke Vitras soon?’ 

 I reached for Korix’s hand, waiting until he gave it to me before smiling. 

 “Everything’s fine,” I said. “It really was just a dumb mistake.” 

 Relaxing, Korix said, “Can’t afford to be stupid, Zae. Not ever.” 

 With a chuckle, I patted his hand. 

 “Don’t I know it.” 

 Nodding, Korix pulled away from me. 

 “I’m assuming you had no choice when coming here,” he said. “Otherwise, you’d never have exposed Jak.” 

 “Of course I wouldn’t have,” I said. 

 Despite how much I wanted to, I didn’t ask about our child again. If there had been a problem, Korix would have told me. 

 Instead, I said, “Where’s Leski?” 

 “With Jak,” Korix said. “Why did you send him to me and not his mother? It’s Leski’s turn to stand in the Lokke Vitras’ sphere of influence right now.” 

 This was how we’d kept Jak sheltered from the stressful aspects of what I did. Of her other parents, one was kept separate from all things Lokke Vitras, but even with the need to keep our child safe, Leski and Korix had still wanted to help me with the occasional mission. So, they rotated between the role of full-time parent and full-time partner. 

 “I couldn’t be sure that she was here,” I said. “It was likely, yes, but I needed one of you right then. I figured getting Jak away from my declining state would be worth a short-term swapping of roles.” 

 “And it was!” Korix said. “You’re alive, and everyone is fine. So, please don’t worry like I know you want to.” 

 All right. That was great and all but… 

 Sighing, I said, “You know I can’t do that. How bad was it, Ko?” 

 Korix looked away, unable to speak for a moment. 

 “You died,” he eventually said. “No heartbeat or breathing for a solid three minutes. I only got you back because I dosed you with my signature blend of RRDs quickly enough. I also gave you far too many chest compressions.” 

 Damn. That was… 

 What did it say about our lives that Korix was taking something as horrific as that in stride? 

 “I’m… sorry-” I started. 

 “Don’t, Zae,” Korix said before smiling at me. “This isn’t the first time you’ve tried to escape from the physical world. Don’t you remember how often I had to resuscitate you during your training?” 

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “True. Sometimes, I thought you got a kick out of killing me.” 

 While Korix laughed, I watched him for signs that he was hiding something from me, but he showed me nothing. In the years we’d been together, I’d gotten pretty good at picking up on those, so I turned to the next subject of concern. 

 “Did Jak…?” 

 “See me working you over?” Korix finished for me. “No. I’d sent him to his mother before that happened.” 

 “OhthankMotherTime,” I said in a rush. 

 Tilting my head back, I squeezed my eyes closed so I could rub my face. 

 “He’ll figure out how closely I walk the line between life and death sooner or later, but the longer I can delay that realization, the better.” 

 Slapping my hands into the sheets, I shook my head. 

 “I’ll have to act like nothing serious has happened for the rest of the week,” I said. “Keep him from worrying too much.” 

 “Normally, I’d tell you that Jak will see through an attempt like that. He’s too perceptive,” Korix said, “but this morning, Damari showed up for a visit, saying something about their godchild needing them. They should distract him.” 

 “That’s lucky,” I said. “I know Damari takes their godparent role more seriously than most, but showing up out of the blue like that seems excessive. Maybe Jak asked them to come and forgot to tell us?” 

 Shrugging, Korix said, “Maybe. He’s making a big fuss about dinner tonight. Said something about making it himself.” 

 Oh, no. 

 “That’ll be… interesting,” I said with my voice tight. “Maybe I should keep resting, then? I wouldn’t want to disrupt his special plans.” 

 “Don’t you dare,” Korix said. “You may need rest, but a short trip downstairs won’t hurt anything, and you know it. So, you’ll come downstairs with me so you can eat every bite of what Jak makes, and you will enjoy it. He’s not a bad cook.” 

 Making a face, I said, “No. But he’s not you.” 

 Korix flashed a smile at me. 

 “No one’s like me in the kitchen,” he said. 

 “Or in a fight or in the fairy tale worlds you create,” I added. “And Mother Time help anyone who tries to match you in bed. Besides Leski, of course.” 

 The faintest of flushes rose in Korix’s cheeks before he could quash it. 

 “You flatter me,” he said, “but I’m glad to see you still have your snark. It proves my point about you attending dinner.” 

 When he gave me a pointed look, I groaned. 

 “Fine,” I said. “When is it?” 

 “Soon. You’d better get ready.” 

 Of course it was soon. Rolling my eyes, I swung my legs over the bedside, moving too quickly for my body, it would seem. A wave of dizziness had me steadying myself on the bed, and I clenched my gut to combat the gut-churning ache in my stomach. 

 Hell. My wounds must have been severe if I was still feeling their effects now, long after RRDs had started their work in my body. 

 Resting his hand on my back, Korix asked, “Do you need help?” 

 I almost told him no. I’d put him through enough today, but Korix hadn’t changed my blood-stained clothes before getting me into bed, and I should save my strength for the performance of normalcy that I’d have to put on soon. 

 “I think so, yes,” I said. 

 Korix had gotten better about keeping his disapproval to himself. He said not a word as he helped me out of bed, which was good. Dealing with that on top of everything else seemed like an unnecessary complication, especially when considering how much disdain my grandmother would surely shower on me soon. Best to shove it under the rug, focusing on what was important. My child. My family. Our lives together. 

 I was home. The rest of the world and my cursed role as the Lokke Vitras could wait for a time.

Chapter 38: Two Visits
Korix had been right, as usual. Jak truly was a decent cook. 

 After enjoying a last bite of my meal, I leaned back in my seat with a satisfied smile, watching Damari tell an animated story while my family looked on. I didn’t pay much attention to the tale’s particulars, content to watch my friend’s face morph between mock horror, anticipation, and a delight. I was always glad when they visited, not only because I enjoyed seeing them but because Jak loved his godparent. 

 As Damari finished their story, my child giggled, rocking back and forth as he clapped, and I smiled. Being here for that alone had been worth the struggle of getting up. It was definitely worth my continued fight to act like nothing was wrong. 

 Not that anything was actually wrong. I was weak as fuck right now, about to tip forward with every breath, and my chest ached everywhere I’d been shot, but these complications were temporary. With how little I’d needed to take them recently, RRDs had been working better on me than normal in the last few years. I might need another dose of them before leaving home, but either way, this pain would fade within a few days. 

 That didn’t mean I wanted Jak to see it. So, I sat as if I was at ease and laughed at every joke, no matter how much it hurt, and I thought the act might be working. Jak was no longer darting glances at me, and skittish anxiety, present when he’d oh-so-carefully hugged me earlier, didn’t hang quite so heavily on him,. 

 Wiping his eyes, he said, “Oh, that was good, auncle.” 

 “Glad you liked it,” Damari said. “Nicely done with the cooking, by the way.” 

 Lifting their fork, they took an exaggerated bite while rubbing their stomach. 

 “Thanks,” Jak said. 

 But he also glanced at his parents, trying so hard to be subtle with it. Even still, we broke into various words of praise, which set a glow on our child's cheeks. 

 “I’m glad everyone enjoyed it,” he said before grinning at Korix, “although I’m sure you have a critique for me, dad.” 

 Shrugging, Korix said, “Only if you want it. It can wait, though. I’m guessing this meal wasn’t all you have planned for the evening, and it’s getting late. Unless they’re staying with us, Damari will want to head home soon.” 

 “And your per looks like he could use some rest,” Leski added. 

 I made a face at that. She was no doubt annoyed with me for leaving her out of my most recent mission. 

 “I’m fine for a bit longer,” I said, “but your parents are right. If you have something planned, you might want to do it soon.” 

 Wordlessly, Jak stared at us, as if judging our words and intentions, but neither Leski, Korix, nor I shifted under the weight of it. This was just something our child did sometimes, not that I could blame him. Given who we were, it was a wonder that he didn’t have more than a healthy dose of suspicion when it came to us. 

 “Ok,” he eventually said. “Auncle and I will be in my room for a while. No monitoring me while I’m there. We’ll meet you in the garden in fifteen minutes or so.” 

 With an indulgent smile, Leski said, “All right, sweetie. We’ll be there.” 

 “Have fun with whatever you’re doing,” I said. 

 Jak got out of his chair with Damari joining him. 

 “Fifteen minutes, all of you,” he said, pointing at each of us. “Don’t you dare disappear on me, per.” 

 Wincing, I nodded, which untethered Jak from the table, and I watched him and Damari leave, chewing on my lip. Mother Time, I hated that he’d had to add that last bit. How much pain had I caused Jak with this role I-? 

 Getting to her feet, Leski smacked the back of my head. 

 “No,” she said. 

 And that was all. Like she’d been scolding a dog. 

 Rubbing my scalp, I said, “What was that for?” 

 While Korix watched me with amusement, Leski started collecting dishes, making it easier for the drones to clear the table when they came to do that. 

 “You were feeling guilty, probably thinking about all the times you’ve had to leave us,” she said. “Stop it. And would you two please get off your asses and help me?” 

 “Right.” 

 Korix easily rocked to his feet, but when I tried to do the same, I fell back into my chair with a grunt, drawing my partners’ gazes. 

 Waving their concern away, I said, “I’m… fine. Just… lowering the disguise of normality for a moment.” 

 If anything, that drew more worry onto their faces, anxiety that I ignored while climbing out of my chair. I was panting once I’d done it, barely staying on my feet. 

 Resting my hands on my hips, I said, “So. What do we think this is about?” 

 When I leaned over to grab some silverware, the room tilted at a wildly steep angle, so instead of taking a fistful of metal, I clung to the table to keep from falling over. 

 “Sit back down, you idiot.” 

 Snapping my head up, I found Leski before opening my mouth to reply, but Korix had already pulled out a chair, insistently pointing at its seat. I made a face, but I did as I’d been told, although I had to accept Korix’s help with it. 

 “Why did you have him come down here if he’s having such a hard time with leaning over?” Leski asked, glaring at Korix. 

 Turning his back to her, Korix returned to what he’d been doing without a word, but Leski kept shooting daggers at him, knowing she’d get answers from him soon. I tried to calm my wife down by taking her hand, which didn’t work. There was such fire in her eyes right now! If I hadn’t known love was causing it, it might have frightened me. 

 “If I’m right about what’s planned for tonight, Zae needs to be here,” Korix said, “and that’s all I’ll say about it.” 

 Hmm. Interesting. 

 “What do you think is going on?” I asked. “Is Jak in trouble?” 

 “I doubt it. If that kid was causing trouble, something horrible absolutely would have come first, and you know it,” Korix said. “As for your other question, it’s not my place to say. All I can give you is that tonight will be important for both Jak and Zaeden.” 

 Leski crossed her arms, and as I opened my mouth to ask another question, I got an alert through my array. 

 Someone’s at the door. 

 Slumping in my chair, I groaned. If this was another group of Lutovish who’d come to ogle at their Lokke Vitras’ home, I might murder them. After Jak started House rotations, it had been inevitable that the thin layer of secrecy surrounding this place would disappear, but knowing this had made the people who occasionally showed up on our doorstep no less annoying. 

 “Did they at least give us their names this time?” I asked. 

 Yes, came the response. Your guest is Second Stratus Feena of House Kolb. 

 I sat upright, which was a mistake. Hissing, I clutched at my chest while scrambling to leave my seat. 

 “Let her in,” I said. 

 Acknowledged. 

 As I continued with my fight to get up, someone rested their hand on my shoulder. 

 “Let one of us greet her,” Korix said. 

 Shaking my head, I said, “I can handle this. Can you and Leski finish up here? I’ll meet you in the garden.” 

 “You’d better do that. Remember what our kid said. No running off,” Leski said. “And please, don’t stress yourself, love. We need you at peak health as soon as possible.” 

 Free of the chair, I lifted an eyebrow. 

 “Why?” I asked. “Besides the obvious, of course.” 

 Huffing, Leski rolled her eyes before turning to the table. 

 “You just came home. You know exactly why,” Korix said with a laugh in his voice. 

 Given how much he knew I hated him worrying about me, that was the closest he’d come to insisting I take care of myself, but even knowing this, I happily hummed and dipped my head to them, the closest I could come to a bow right now. 

 “I’ll do my best,” I said. 

 Leaving them, I hurried… or more, I hobbled toward the foyer, although I slowed down as I approached it. With a few deep breaths, a hypo full of stimulants, and some modification to my hormone levels, I got myself into a state where I could ignore my lingering pain. If I was lucky, Feena might not recognize the sense of euphoria that I’d artificially induced, but in the likely event that she did, it might hide everything else that was wrong with my body. 

 As I swung into the foyer, my sister had one arm crossed over her chest, tapping her foot while gesturing at the air. When visiting, she’d always found it annoying that guests had to wait here until one of us could retrieve them, even if she understood why we did that. Unlike our apartment in Xygek, we didn’t keep the estate perpetually safe for outsiders, and while most of the time, it was safe, none of us wanted to see what would happen if a guest wandered somewhere they shouldn’t be. 

 “Feena!” I said, spreading my arms wide. 

 With a smile, my sister turned my way, but before she could examine me, I was hugging her. She returned the embrace, squeezing me hard, and I fought to keep my knees from buckling. 

 “It’s good to see you,” she said before thrusting me away. “How’ve you been?” 

 Rubbing the back of my neck, I said, “Oh, you know. As well as I can be. Things have gotten busier, but that’s life.” 

 Feena, however, wasn’t listening to me, scanning my body with a frown. She’d noticed something was wrong and almost immediately at that. Of course she had. 

 “I’m fine. Had a scare earlier. I got through it, though,” I said before she could ask. “I’ll tell you about it later, but right now, I need to meet my family in the garden. Jak's got something planned. Why are you here?” 

 Apparently, my sister wasn’t done looking me over. By the time she was finished, a shiver had begun its rumble beneath my skin, originating everywhere that her eyes had landed, but I shut it down. That had been uncomfortable. 

 “My thing can wait. I wouldn’t want to ruin Jak's plans,” she said. “Can I…?” 

 She gestured toward an entrance that led deeper into my home. 

 “Of course!” I said. “Although…” 

 Holding up a finger, I turned aside while writing a message to my child. 

 Your aunt’s here, it read. Can she join us, or would you rather if she waited somewhere else? 

 Responding took Jak a while, long enough that I started worrying that something had happened to him. Maybe he was unsure of how to answer, though, reluctant to share his plans with Feena. Just as I resolved to check on him, a message popped into view, stopping me. 

 She can be here, it read. 

 And nothing else, which was strange. Jak loved his Aunt Feena, always energetic when she visited. Why was he being so short today? 

 “Jak is ok with you being there,” I said. “I’d have been a little concerned if he wasn’t but…” 

 Smiling, I waved toward the estate’s innards. 

 “Shall we?”

Chapter 39: Welcome Changes
I led the way through my home, wondering why my sister was keeping quiet. Usually, she’d be chatting my ear off about her job or dating life by now, but she was silent today, holding herself in a way that made me reluctant to start a conversation. I did  not like how many discrepancies this day had brought with it. 

 Soon enough, we walked onto the terrace at the back of the house before heading into the garden. I loved coming here, where we’d imposed the smallest bit of another landscape on the Southern Fells. Keeping tropical plants healthy in this chill air required a lot of work, some of it done by drones and some by Jak, but I thought it was worth it. Stepping into a miniature portrait of Crinas, transported from across the water, was always a refreshing experience, even if I never wanted to stay here for long. Its artificial humidity could be a bit much. 

 We found Leski and Korix here, and Feena warmly greeted them, hugging them both. Once that was done, however, she turned severe, pointing at me. 

 “What happened to him?’ she said. “I know it was bad, considering he’s letting his pain show, and that means he’ll downplay it when I wrangle it out of him. I’d rather avoid that struggle so…?” 

 While I groaned, lifting my eyes to the sky, Leski crossed her arms, pointedly staring at Korix. 

 Looking over our heads, he said, “Shot in the chest three times with the bolts nicking a few blood vessels. He bled out. Clinically dead for three minutes, probably one of the longest times he’s been down and out. Claims he made a mistake when breaching a room.” 

 By the time he was done, he looked like he’d be sick while I felt like I’d been shot again. The girls turned on me with an interesting mix of horror and fury in their eyes, and neither of them moved for far too long. Korix must not have shared the details of what had happened with Leski. 

 This was what I did to the people I loved. This was what I’d leave behind when the role of the Lokke Vitras inevitably killed me. 

 Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to create distance between us. So long as they wanted it, I would be with them. 

 “Please, stop frowning at me. Aren’t you used to these things by now?” I said. “Besides, Jak needs us, yes? We can’t let my issues anywhere near that kid.” 

 After another spell of uncomfortable silence. Feena again pointed at me. 

 “You are an idiot,” she said before crooking her finger. “Come here.” 

 As I crossed to her, I couldn’t help but feel like a scolded child, even as my loved ones drowned me in touches and hugs. After her third time trying to crush me, Feena nodded. 

 “Right,” she said. “Now, we can focus on Jak.” 

 “That’s great! They'll be down soon.” 

 Ambling toward us, Damari flashed a smile at Feena before shoving their hands in their pockets. 

 “Ready for some advice?” they said. 

 I rolled my eyes. 

 “Of course we are. Please, regale us with your wisdom,” I said. “How often did you help us get through teenage spats when Jak was growing up again?” 

 “Not as often as I expected. You three handled puberty better than most people do,” Damari said, “but that’s not important right now.” 

 Puffing out a sigh, they fixed their eyes on the ground while kicking at it. 

 “So, advice. Your kid’ll come out here soon, and when that happens, you shouldn’t react to what you see,” they said. “Follow their lead, and just… remember that your job as parents is to shelter and guard your child, not to live through them or project your expectations on their life. Not that you’ve done that to his point! I just think reiterating it is for the best.” 

 Glancing up, they smirked at my sister. 

 “Same goes for you, Second Stratus Feena. Mouth shut.” 

 Huffing, Feena nodded while I exchanged a glance with my partners. 

 “This sounds serious, Damari,” Leski said. “Should we be worried?” 

 “Mother Time, no!” Damari exclaimed. “In fact, I’ve seen plenty of evidence that like most Lutovish, none of you will mind this sort of thing, but when it hits closer to home, people’s reaction can be… stronger.” 

 With that, I put the pieces together, which had taken me longer than it should have, but now that I knew what was going on, I didn’t let my own feelings show. I didn’t want to ruin this for anyone, but I did catch Korix’s eye. Why had he thought this would affect specifically me, out of us all? I didn’t see how it could, but maybe I was missing something. 

 “I think we can manage that,” I said. 

 “Good!” Damari said. “In that case, talk amongst yourselves for now. Your kid'll be out here soon enough.” 

 Laughing, the others did just that, but I kept my focus on the path that led to the house, schooling my expression into the most welcoming one in my repertoire. Donning it didn’t take much effort, but I wanted to make sure I was presenting it once this show got on the road. 

 Soon enough, I caught movement headed our way, and a few seconds later, my kid stepped into view. They’d changed out of the slacks and loose shirt they’d been wearing. Now, leggings and a baggy but distinctly fem cut sweater were hanging from them, and they’d styled their hair. They'd always kept it long, but it was now curled while make-up highlighted their eyes and cheekbones. As they came to a stop, silence fell, and they folded their hands behind their back, slowly twisting in place. 

 “So,” they said before clearing their throat. “So, I'm going by Baely now. I'd like it if you used 'she' or 'they' when referring to me, not 'he'.” 

 Looking a little lost, Baely trailed off before brightening and glancing up at us. 

 "Oh, yeah!" she said. "And I'm a girl, in case that wasn't obvious." 

 I had a daughter! 

 After a moment of awkward silence, Baely frowned. 

 "Why aren't you saying anything?" they asked. 

 "Yeah, you can talk now," Damari said. "I  swear you lot are slow for how smart you are." 

 While I shot a glare at my friend, Leski and Korix let emotion creep back into them as they spoke. 

 “Finally!” 

 “Thank. Mother. Time.” 

 Meanwhile, Feena hugged herself with shimmering eyes. 

 “Took you long enough, kid,” she said. 

 Baely looked more than a little shocked, staring at each of us with her lips parted. 

 “You knew?” they said. 

 Striding to our daughter, Leski took her hands. 

 “Sweetie…. can I still call you that?” she said, only continuing once she’d gotten permission. “Sweetie, we knew gender presentation would be an issue for you since you were… what was it, Ko? Three?” 

 “Something like that,” Korix said. “We didn’t want to muddle things for you, so we stayed out of it, although we encouraged you when related topics came up. We wanted you to figure it out on your own.” 

 With their lip trembling, Baely just looked at them, and no matter how much I wanted to join in on what was about to happen, I stayed away. I couldn’t get squeezed all to hell again, not right now. When my daughter glanced at me with the briefest splash of uncertainty in her, however, I hurried things along. 

 “You look wonderful, Baely,” I said. “I’ll always love you, not matter how you choose to present yourself.” 

 Bursting into tears, Baely pulled Korix and Leski to them, and for a while they lost it on their more physically stable parents. Meanwhile, I watched, casually contemplating why Korix had thought I’d find this important. I mean… it was, obviously . But it wasn’t something that touched on a personal issue for me. I doubted my feelings about it were any different from Baely’s other parents. 

 Speaking of which, my child eventually extricated themselves from Leski and Korix to gently hug me. 

 “Thanks, per,” she mumbled into my shirt. “I love you.” 

 “I love you too, sweetie.” 

 While rubbing her back, I caught Damari’s eye over her head. 

 ‘Thank you for this,’ I mouthed. 

 Faintly flushing, they wiggled in place with a grin. How much had they helped Baely with this issue? Korix, Leski, and I had done what we could for them, but not only had we wanted to stay out of their decision-making process, but we couldn’t relate. Damari could. 

 After a moment, I pulled Baely away. 

 “Can I ask where this is coming from?” I said. “No judgment of it, of course! I’m just curious what pushed you into taking this step.” 

 In slow motion, joy dropped off of Baely’s face, turning it into a blank canvas, and I frowned. Had I said something wrong? 

 Cautiously, she stepped out of my grasp before darting her eyes to her other parents. 

 “Per… my House naming’s coming up soon,” they said. “I wanted to look the way I feel when I choose a House.” 

 Their… House… naming? Something strong and utterly unfamiliar blasted through me, and rapidly blinking, I wavered, in body and mind. 

 Numbly, I said, “I… see. That… make sense.” 

 How had I forgotten about this? Baely was twenty-five. Of course her House naming ceremony was happening soon. In fact… 

 When I checked my calendar, I was once more punched by something alien. One month? It was scheduled for one fucking month from now? How had this…? I couldn’t have missed something so… 

 Mother Time, why were my thoughts so muddled right now? 

 Shaking my head, I cleared my throat. 

 “I’m glad you’ll have that chance, sweetie. Looking the way you feel is important,” I faintly said. “Can you give me a second? You can celebrate with your mom and dad for a minute, all right? I’ll be right back.” 

 I couldn’t examine what the expression on their face might mean. Spinning on my heel, I marched away, listening as Feena filled the awkward silence behind me. 

 “Hey! Am I getting some love anytime soon?” she said. “I get it. Acceptance from parents is nice, but come on! Your favorite aunt’s right here.” 

 Wasn’t she Baely’s only aunt? And why did that simple fact seem so important right now? 

 Distraction. It was a distraction. 

 Absently, I noted how short my breathing had become. My heart was racing in my chest, and I was barely staying cognizant of my surroundings, all while also turning hypervigilant. 

 As I took the steps to the terrace two at a time, I glared at a crack in its railing, one that had suddenly become my world. That could be dangerous. I should fix it. I should… 

 Hell, was I about to have a panic attack? Why the hell had those been happening so much more often lately? 

 Couldn’t think about what was happening! Couldn’t think … about it! Couldn’t think.

Chapter 40: Hints of Trouble 1
Somehow, I made it into the house before I completely lost it. I sprinted for an enclosed space, one with no windows, and when I reached it, I slammed the door, engaging its locks. 

 I couldn’t help but feel like someone was after me right now. I knew that wasn’t happening—I was perfectly safe—but no matter how much I focused on this fact, it kept slipping away from me. I also couldn’t help the need to flee that was creeping up on me, so I slammed my back into a corner before sinking into a crouch. 

 There. Now, I could see the whole room. Now, I was safe. 

 As I’d learned to do during previous panic attacks, I took deep breaths, counting each of them in my head. In: one, two, three four. Hold: one, two, three, four. Out: one, two, three four. Hold: one, two three four. 

 After several dozen repeats of this mantra, I was more clear-headed, if still a little dazed, but it was enough to slowly unwind my body. I didn’t get up, merely sinking to the floor so I could work through what had happened. Why had I had such a strong reaction to Baely mentioning her House naming? And how had it snuck up on me like that? I should have known it was coming for years, but somehow, I’d been completely oblivious to it. 

 Slowly, I picked through the events of the last four months, fighting mental fog the whole time, and once I was done, I winced at what I’d found. How many times had I abruptly left the room when someone had mentioned the upcoming ceremony? How often had I swiftly changed the subject when it had come up? And when that had happened, how eagerly and quickly had I sunk my focus into the new topic? No wonder this new revelation had caught me by surprise. 

 Still, I should have at least been aware of what I’d been doing as it had happened, but instead, I’d gone through each of those steps unconsciously. I’d never truly thought about my actions. How had that happened? Usually, I was exceedingly deliberate with my choices and behavior. 

 Unless I was on a deep-cover mission. At those times, my personas took over, and some of them were utterly ignorant about almost everything that happened around them. I only understood the implications of what they’d experienced once their part of the mission was over. 

 This experience was similar. Vaguely. I hadn’t been on a deep-cover mission in a few months, though, and I certainly didn’t remember using a persona even once during that time. Even still, this set of behavior did more match something that they’d do, not me. Could… could they be poking through, even when I wasn’t in deep cover? Could my personas somehow be messing with my everyday life? 

 Wincing, I pressed the heel of my palm to my aching head. Oh, that idea hurt too much to think about for long. Fortunately, a knock on the door let me drop it. 

 “Who is it?” I raggedly said. 

 Korix’s voice came through the door, strangely muffled. 

 “It’s me.” 

 Of course it was him. Who else would it be? Hell. 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I let the door unlock, turning my face away as he came closer. He sat in front of me without a word, simply taking my hand. 

 “Are you all right?” he softly said. 

 Snorting, I said, “What do you think?” 

 Without replying, Korix brushed his thumb across my skin until I was ready to talk. 

 “Is Baely ok?” I said. 

 “Fine,” was the only answer he’d give me. 

 But then, he probably knew I was trying to use that question to avoid the problem, snarled in our midst. 

 “I don’t understand what happened,” I eventually said. “It shouldn’t have happened. I should have enough control-” 

 “When you’re at home, you don’t have to be in control, and you know that,” Korix interrupted. “You can relax here. Mostly.” 

 And that was probably why I’d just had a fucking panic attack in the first place. If I’d been anywhere else, it would never have surfaced into my conscious mind, left to simmer in the background. 

 Sighing, I opened my eyes, meeting his gaze with my guts clenched. 

 “Is this what you meant about today being important for me too?” I said. 

 Nodding, Korix said, “When it comes to Baely’s House naming, you’ve been acting strangely. I thought her announcement might shove the issue into the forefront.” 

 “Well, it certainly did that,” I growled before looking away again. “I truly do not understand, Ko. How do I keep losing control like this? It scares me. These lapses don’t happen often, but when they do, I always wonder if I’m starting to break like…” 

 After a pause, Korix said, “Like me?” 

 Wincing, I nodded. I hated putting it like that. Korix hadn’t broken . The pressure of this awful job had just become too much for him, and after how long he’d spent doing it, I couldn’t blame him for that. 

 “I don’t think you’re breaking, Zae,” Korix said. “I think you’re having a perfectly normal reaction to… this. Perhaps it reminds you of something from the past? Something bad.” 

 What could that be, though? We’d only been talking about a House naming ceremony. a perfectly ordinary event in the grand scheme of things. But considering my House naming ceremony had been less than pleasant, what with Korix stealing me away from it… 

 FUCK. No wonder I’d felt like someone had been after me! 

 Snapping my eyes closed, I said, “Hell. That’s it. The… problem.” 

 For a moment, I fought against the knot in my throat, but eventually, I cleared it. 

 “It’s just like when she turned six,” I continued. “When I was that age, I started using personas to hide myself so…” 

 “You worried circumstances would force her to do the same thing,” Korix said. 

 Hissing out a breath, I said, “Mother Time damnit all. I need to apologize to her.” 

 When I started climbing to my feet, though, Korix grabbed my wrist. 

 “No, you need to think about this,” he said. “You need to feel everything her House naming is prompting in you without shoving it under the rug again. She needs you to do that, Zae.” 

 He was right. Sinking back to the ground, I clicked my tongue. 

 “I hate it when you do that, you know,” I said. 

 But then, I turned inward. Baely was about to go through her House naming. Given… everything, how did I feel about this? 

 As soon as I examined the question, however, I knew the answer… sort of. I didn’t know the name for this feeling, howling like a gale inside of me, but hell, if it wasn’t familiar. How often had I raged at this disjointed helplessness… dread… despair… in the past? How many times had the conflict nearly killed me? A near-death was what it had always felt like, at least. 

 But now that I’d acknowledged it, I couldn’t stay still. Leaping to my feet, I paced, trying to contain this turbulent energy, but before long, it became too much, and I spilled over. Something other seated itself in the core of who I was while I watched myself move. 

 With a growling scream, I grabbed the closest object, throwing it at a wall, and it shattered. Panting, I stared at its pieces while settling back into place. 

 “Fuck the House system,” I said under my breath. “Fuck Lutov. Fuck me for my fear. Fuck all of it.” 

 I’d repeated those words so many times in the past, but the fury never left me. As the storm faded away— 

 Not gone. Never gone. Just falling back below the surface again. 

 —I winced. I didn’t know if I’d spoken quietly enough, and when Korix came up behind me, twining his fingers into mine, I blew out a breath, knowing he’d heard. 

 “What are you afraid of, Zae?” he said. “Baely won’t have the same experience as you did, and you know it. You are the Lokke Vitras, and you, more than anyone, will know if and when you’ll need a replacement. Even if you did need that right now, Baely is one of the least likely candidates to serve as your kuvesk.” 

 I quietly chuckled. 

 “That’s for sure,” I said. “She’s far too nurturing. Who knows which House she’ll choose when she…?” 

 Eventually had to pick one. Eventually lost her freedom. Like me. 

 I’d never wanted this for her. 

 I couldn’t change it. 

 I hated feeling this way. 

 Turning to Korix, I buried my face in his shoulder, holding back tears. Better to hold onto this fiery heat, burning in my eyes. Better to endure it than to let it out because if I let myself lose control right now, I wasn’t sure how long I’d cry. I wasn’t sure if the storm inside of me would surface once more, and more than anything, I couldn’t let that happen. 

 Korix held me until I’d pulled myself together, and when I backed off, he said not a word about what he’d seen, just like I’d needed. 

 “When you’re ready, Feena wants to talk,” he said. “I sent her to your study.” 

 Right. My sister. 

 Taking a deep breath, I gathered every emotion that had been pummeling me for the last quarter hour, and when I slowly breathed it out, I boxed knowledge of it away, letting myself forget this overreaction. Mostly. I’d still know it had happened, still be completely aware that I’d turned into a dramatic mess again, but it would feel distant. Like a dream. 

 Sooner or later, I should examine this again, analyzing exactly what the hell had been happening with me lately, but doing it now wouldn’t help. If anything, I’d just get overwhelmed, and that was never wise. So. Let it stew. Let it lose its edge. Focus on the present. 

 On him. 

 “Thanks, Ko,” I said. “For everything.” 

 With a half-smile, Korix said, “Of course. Go see your sister, and once you’re done, talk to Baely. She needs her per right now.” 

 I knew she did. What a joyous conversation that would be. 

 “But then, come find us,” Korix continued. “Leski and I will be waiting for you, whenever you’re ready.” 

 Thank Mother Time for that. 

 “I’ll be there soon,” I said. 

 But then, I left, heading for my sister.

Chapter 41: Hints of Trouble 2
After I’d reached my study, Feena waited in a corner while I made the room secure. She only relaxed from her tensed state once I’d poured her favorite drink, offering it to her. 

 “So?” I asked, taking a seat behind my desk. 

 Unlike my sister, I didn’t indulge in a drink. After what had happened before Baely’s handoff, I refused to touch alcohol unless the situation called for it, like at a party or a similar event. Not because my sister was visiting. 

 She got settled, taking a sip from her drink before pointing at my chest. 

 “Will you tell me how that happened?” she asked. “Or will I have to live in suspense until you feel comfortable enough to open up?” 

 I crossed my arms. 

 “What do you want me to say, Feena?” I asked. “I made a mistake. Sure, that’s supposed to be impossible, given who I am, but…” 

 With an eyeroll, I leaned back in my chair. 

 “Here we are.” 

 “Please. I stopped believing ‘the Lokke Vitras is invincible’ bullshit decades ago,” Feena said. “That’s not why I’m asking how you got shot. I’m asking because we…” 

 Looking away, she bit her lip. 

 “The world needs you, Zae,” she said. “You have to be careful.” 

 Oh, goody. Another of her maudlin, ominous warnings. 

 With a nervous chuckle, I said, “The world, huh? I can see how Lutov might need the Lokke Vitras, but Ibis definitely doesn’t. Besides, it might take a while, but someone could eventually fill my shoes. So, how am I needed?” 

 Sighing, Feena shook her head before meeting my eyes. 

 “You know what I meant. You’re too smart to miss it,” she said. “So, don’t play dumb.” 

 But I was so good at that! Apparently. I stubbornly held her gaze until she clicked her tongue. 

 “Fine,” she said. “Let’s move on.” 

 “Yes, what do you need my help with this time?” I asked. 

 “Excuse me! Half the time, you’re asking me for help,” Feena said, “but given that I came to you this time, I won’t take offense at the assumption.” 

 With a head shake, I said, “Thank Mother Time for that. So?” 

 Dropping her gaze to her glass, Feena swirled the liquid inside of it, looking lost. Oh, no. What had she brought me today? 

 After taking a deep breath, she said, “It has to do with the Chosen.” 

 And I went still. Shit. The Chosen? I hadn’t thought about them since… since Baely had been born, actually. I’d secretly hoped that I’d hallucinated about them, considering I’d been drunk and weak from blood loss when my sister had shared that secret. That Feena was here because of them… it wasn’t good. I couldn’t run away from it, though. 

 Bracing myself, I said, “And?” 

 “Do you remember that disastrous mission we finished before Baely’s handoff?” Feena asked. 

 Mother Time, I hadn’t thought about that in years. The memory of how melodramatic I’d acted during it still made me cringe. I’d never figured out why I’d responded to those circumstances as badly as I had. Maybe the cause for it had been something like my current circumstances: the past coming to haunt me. I had acted in a similar fashion this afternoon. If it had been that, though, I had no clue what past event the days in question had been tied to. So far as I was aware, I’d never betrayed a family member like I had with Pheniks. 

 Maybe it had reminded me of what I’d done to Fyester? That was the most similar experience that I could think of. Either way, it didn’t much matter, not when Feena needed an answer. 

 “I remember,” I said. “Why bring it up?” 

 “Well…” Feena said. “Remember how suspicious I was of the ease with which we found proof of our target’s guilt?” 

 Oh. 

 “You found something to validate those suspicions,” I said. 

 Nodding, Feena said, “Over the last twenty-five years, I’ve been on-and-off investigating the events of those months, and in the last few weeks, I’ve run across evidence that a third party was using Harvel as a patsy.” 

 At that, I flopped into my chair before remembering my injuries. 

 Containing my wince, I said, “That’s just fabulous. I can’t imagine how it’ll look that I missed something like that so shortly after getting approved for a child. Damn, spinning a mistake like that in the best light will be hell. Are you sure you’re right?” 

 I couldn’t think about the other consequences that might have spawned from this. If I considered how long this proposed mastermind had had their hands on the neurotoxin’s formula, my stomach bottomed out. 

 “Unfortunately, I don’t have much doubt,” Feena said, “but I won’t explain why I’m so sure right now. That would take a while, and you, dumbass, need to get some rest soon.” 

 “So, you’ll leave me in suspense instead?” I said. 

 “Just for the night, silly,” Feena said. “Talira will want an in-person report from you tomorrow, yes?” 

 Making a face, I nodded. I’d gotten a message from our grandmother before dinner, but I hadn’t opened it yet. I already knew what it would say. 

 “While you’re in Xygek, why don’t you meet me for lunch?” Feena continued. “We haven’t shared a meal in a while, and I can make my case while we eat.” 

 A meal with my sister? That- 

 “Sounds amazing. I’ll let you know when Talira’s done with me,” I said. “Is that all? Or do you have more tantalizing tidbits to tease me with?” 

 “Just…” 

 Feena bit her lip. 

 “I know you’ll attend this year’s House naming ceremony. No matter how much you typically like skipping them, you’ll have to attend Baely’s,” Feena said, “but it won’t just be her this year. Damari’s sister, Misah, will be there too, remember? I thought I should say something since your friend didn’t.” 

 Right. Misah. I didn’t know much about Damari’s sister, just that she was the same age as Baely. My friend never talked about her, but still, I knew she existed . 

 Hell. That was two people in my life who would be honored in this year’s ceremony. It was silly, but this reminder, so soon after everything else, truly painted a picture of how concerning my lapse in awareness had become. It almost pulled my box of awful back to centerfield as well, but fortunately, that container withstood this wave, remaining solidly in place. 

 With a forced chuckle, I said, “Don’t worry. I’ll be there.” 

 After all, I’d apparently had the time blocked out of my schedule since the beginning of this year. Given how blatantly I’d been ignoring the ceremony, I was curious why I’d taken that precaution, so long ago. Maybe I’d been subconsciously aware that I’d need the time. 

 “Well, then.” 

 Tilting her head back, Feen drained her drink before getting to her feet. 

 “I should head out,” she said. 

 “Seriously? You came all this way, just to tell me you were right?” I said. “You could have done that over a direct connection or hell, simply written me a message.” 

 Slamming a hand on my desk, Feena leaned forward to stick her finger in my face. 

 “Listen, smart ass. Before I got here, I was planning on telling you everything,” she said, “but when I first hugged you, you almost keeled over, which threw a kink in my plan. Didn’t it?” 

 As I stared at her finger, my eyes crossed. She was too close for them not to, but I didn’t shift my gaze away. 

 “It did,” I said. “I’m sorry.” 

 Feena drew a breath, clearly having expected a snarky response from me, and to her credit, I had considered giving her one. Instead, I enjoyed her look of frustrated confusion until she released an explosive sigh. 

 “Don’t let it happen again,” she said. 

 She marched to the door, and almost, I let her leave with nothing further said, but even knowing it would cause us pain, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. 

 “How’s Phen?” 

 Slowing to a stop in my office’s threshold, Feena rested a hand on its doorframe. 

 “He’s good. Just got back from Ostiu, but you probably knew that already,” she said. “I saw him last month. He looked happy.” 

 When she glanced at me, I nodded, clenching my hands on the desk. 

 “I’m glad to hear it,” I said. “Thank you, Feena.” 

 “Of course.” 

 Then, she left, and I took a moment to collect myself. Since my brother had become a shukusen twenty-five years ago, my relationship with him had healed, to a degree. Unfortunately, the obligatory tension that was always found between a head of House and the Lokke Vitras had been making things difficult for us. Any hope I might have had that Pheniks and I would work together toward bettering Lutov had died long ago. 

 Look at the bright side, though! At least he talked to me. 

 Shaking myself, I hauled my body out of my chair. It was time to go looking for my family. I couldn’t help but drag my feet as I did that, though. I wasn’t keen on having the coming conversation.

Chapter 42: The Perils of Fatherhood
I found Baely first. Sitting in a hall, she was leaning against the wall across from Leski’s studio, and when I stopped in front of her, she smiled up at me. Thank all that was holy for that. If she’d looked at me with anything else, I’d probably have lost it again.  

 Still, I was well aware of the tension in the air. It made me stiff as I jerked a thumb at the door opposite us. 

 “Are your parents in there?” I asked. 

 Shaking their head, Baely sighed. 

 “You shouldn’t say it like that,” they said. “You’re just as much my parent as they are, per.” 

 And look what a great job I’d done with that. I couldn’t let my past failings get to me now, though. Instead, I focused on being the father that my daughter needed in this moment. 

 She patted the ground beside her, and once I’d gotten settled, she laid her head on my shoulder. 

 “You didn’t answer the question,” I said. 

 Slowly, Baely nodded, which brushed her hair against my cheek. 

 “They seemed preoccupied, so I’m giving them space,” she said. “I figured you’d find me soon.” 

 “I see.” 

 As if reading my disappointment, Baely giggled. 

 “Don’t worry, per . From what little I saw of their antics, it didn’t look intense,” they said. “You’ll get your chance with them later. If you’re up for it.” 

 At the reminder of my injuries, their body tensed against mine. Mother Time damn it all. 

 “About what happened today,” I started. 

 I didn’t know where to go from there, though. Which issue should I address: shattering their illusion of my strength or how I'd ducked out on them after their announcement? Usually, I’d apologize here, but knowing my daughter, she’d only find that insulting, Maybe I should leave the floor open to her. 

 “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. “I know seeing me injured must have been unpleasant, and the way I left you outside must have hurt. So, if you have any questions…?” 

 Straightening, Baely faced me, and I held my breath, wondering which issue they’d choose to address. 

 “Per, I’m not an idiot. I know what the Lokke Vitras does,” she said, “but I also know you.” 

 They rested a hand on my knee. 

 “You helped raise me, after all,” she continued. “I’ve known something like this would happen for a while. I’ve dreaded it, sure, but knowing it was coming made it slightly less… unpleasant, as you put it.” 

 So, they wanted to focus on that part. Almost, I left it there, abandoning a more painful discussion, but bracing myself, I moved forward with it anyway. 

 “And the rest?” I said. “Really, sweetie. You can ask me anything. I know I clam up on you about certain subjects, but you are always welcome to ask questions.” 

 Sighing, Baely looked away. 

 After a moment, she said, “Then… why? Why don’t you want to attend my House naming ceremony? Why don’t you even want to talk about it? I’ve been so confused lately…” 

 Mother Time, how I hated that. Gently, I took my child’s hand, making sure I’d caught their eye. 

 “Do you want the simple answer for that or a more thorough one?” I soberly asked. 

 For some reason, this made Baely laugh. 

 “Whichever you think is best, honestly,” they said. “I want to know everything because that’s how I am, but you’re my dad. You know how much I can handle.” 

 And that was the truth. Baely might be an adult now, but there was still so much I could never tell her about myself. Even still, because she was old enough, I could start opening up, if only a little. 

 “All right,” I said. 

 Spinning to face her, I settled into a more comfortable position, clasping my hands in my lap. 

 “The first thing you should know is that my reluctance about your House naming has nothing to do with you,” I said. “I’m happy for you, sweetie, absolutely ecstatic that you’ve reached this coming-of-age moment. Please, please know this.” 

 “Then, why…?” Baely asked. 

 "That’s… a difficult question to answer,” I said. 

 Hell, I wanted to look away right now. So much shame was welling up in me, but I fought it, forcing myself to maintain eye contact. 

 “It has to do with my past,” I said. “I… haven’t had an easy life. Growing up, my parents were always busy, so I was alone, left to fend for myself. Mostly. Feena and Phen helped with that but…” 

 Even if it was just the bare minimum of my past, I know I was sharing too much. Abso-fucking-lutely too much. Mother Time, look at the concern on their face! Time to back off. 

 “The point is that my childhood wasn’t exactly happy,” I continued, “and when I was younger, I quickly learned how to ignore that fact. Personas became my escape, my way of being ‘fine’, and over time, they hid me—the real me—from the world. They also hid some of my more dangerous viewpoints. One of those is about what happens during House naming ceremonies.” 

 As understanding dawned on Baely’s face, I nodded. 

 “You see the connection now. Good. Let me clarify it a bit more,” I said. “When I was six, I realized that this opinion would get me into serious trouble if anyone ever noticed it so…” 

 For some reason I could not maintain eye contact while confessing this secret. 

 “So, I created a new persona, the most intricate and real one I’ve ever built. Once it was done, it erased who I once was, therefore concealing my dangerous viewpoints from the world,” I said. “I’ve been masking that part of me ever since, and that isn’t likely to change. 

 “Oh, per,” Baely said. “I’m sorry.” 

 Wrenching my gaze to her, I patted her hand. This wasn’t ok. I shouldn’t be burdening my daughter with my troubles… but she needed to know what I’d been acting so strangely. Given that, I hoped I’d walked the line between explaining enough and sharing too much. At the least, I could make my confession easier for her. 

 “It’s fine, sweetie,” I said. “Sometimes, life gives you a bad hand. I’ve made my peace with it.” 

 For the most part. 

 “Besides, you know I’m happy now,” I continued. “With your parents as my partners and you as my kid, how could that not be the case?” 

 Giggling, Baely said, “That’s fair. So, is that why my House naming makes you uncomfortable?” 

 “Mostly,” I said. “It’s also a reminder of my own ceremony, but that’s not important.” 

 It really wasn’t. There was no way in hell I was giving them more than a peek into one of the worst moments of my life. 

 Narrowing their eyes, Baely lightly slapped my leg. 

 “Don’t hold back now, per,” they said. 

 I just smiled at them, refusing to open that crack any wider. 

 “I promise I’m not. My House naming ceremony was a loooong time ago,” I said. “Besides it wasn’t much of one anyway. Your father interrupted it. Stole me from it to train me in his ways.” 

 When I put on a silly grin, Baely didn’t reciprocate, which made me worry. Even still, she didn’t seem horrified by what I’d said. She merely got to her knees so she could pull me into a hug. 

 “I get it,” she whispered in my ear. “Thank you for telling me.” 

 “Of course,” I said. 

 For a moment, we just held one another, but soon enough, we separated. 

 “Don’t worry, Baely,” I said. “I’ll be at your House naming ceremony, cheering just as loudly as everyone else once you’ve made your choice.” 

 No matter how much that might personally pain me. 

 “In the meantime, do you have any other questions for me?” I asked. “Or shall we interrupt your mom and dad?” 

 “I’m all out of curiosity for now. Let's go inside,” Baely said. “You have to go fist, though, ok?” 

 They feigned a sour face, and happy to have an unpleasant conversation behind us, I rocked to my feet, touching the wall for balance once I was there. Baely glanced at me with a question in her eyes, one I waved away. I should have taken a second dose of RRDs before coming here, but I hadn’t been this badly injured in a while. I might have forgotten my body’s limitations. Just a little bit. 

 Behind the studio’s door, my partners were wrapped around one another, but they hadn’t gotten into anything intimate yet. Korix glanced up when I entered, which had Leski releasing a disappointed sigh, and Baely clicked her tongue behind me. 

 “Oh, please, mom,” she said. “You’ll be fine for a little while longer.” 

 “Yes, yes,” Leski groaned. 

 Reluctantly, she turned toward us, quickly switching from petulant to concerned. 

 “Did you two have a good talk?” 

 Stopping beside me, Baely crossed their arms. 

 “Don’t know about good, but it explained things, so I’m happy,” she said. “And in other news… could you show me how to do that pirouette-arabesque-assemblé combination that you were doing earlier? I’ve been meaning to ask for another demonstration all day.” 

 With a grin, Leski said, “Sure, sweetie.” 

 She extended a hand to our daughter, and hugging myself, I watched them get into position. I still remembered a time when Baely’s head had only come up to Leski’s hip, and they would awkwardly copy their mother’s graceful movements. My daughter had never taken to music like Leski but dancing? They liked that, even if it had only been a passing interest. Not like their gardening. 

 Circling an arm around my waist, Korix extended a hypo to me, which I raised an eyebrow at. 

 “What?” he said. “You need it, don’t you?” 

 Chuckling, I took his gift, jabbing myself with it, and for a while, we watched the girls dance about the room. 

 “What did Feena want?” Korix eventually asked. 

 “Mm. She has something she wants me to look into,” I said, rubbing his side. “Shouldn’t be a problem.” 

 “Ok,” Korix said. 

 And nothing more. One of these days, I’d get used to how much he trusted me now. It had to have happened sometime, right? 

 “Did Damari leave?” I asked. 

 “Not long after you disappeared. They said something about getting home before dark,” he said. “Also, I was told to relay a sarcastic goodbye, but given the circumstances, I’ll spare you.” 

 “How kind,” I drawled. 

 It was too bad I’d missed them. I’d have liked to spend a little more time together before they’d left. 

 “How are you feeling?” Korix asked. 

 I heard the second question there, though. 

 With a half-smile, I said, “Much better, thanks. I’m still pretty weak, though, so you and Leski will have to go easy on me tonight. If we get up to anything.” 

 Korix turned to me with the most blank expression in place. 

 “If?” he said in deadpan. 

 Snorting, I said, “Fine. When we get up to something.” 

 “Thank Mother Time. Even after a brush with death, I haven’t lost the slightest piece of my Zaeden to the void,” Korix said. 

 It was my turn to speak in deadpan. 

 “Yours?” 

 Softly smiling, Korix said, “Only when it matters.” 

 He rested his palm on my jaw, letting me nuzzle it, before turning me to him, and when our lips met, I forgot how close I’d come to death this morning. I forgot how badly my body needed to rest. I forgot who else was in the room. I had only him . As always. 

 When someone cleared her throat, it dragged me free of that state. 

 “Welp. That’s my cue to leave.” 

 Oh. Right. Baely.  

 Wincing, I pulled away from Korix, only to get attacked by Leski’s hug, and huffing, my kid made their way toward the door. Had we made them uncomfortable? 

 “I’m sorry,” I said. “We should have-” 

 Snickering, Baely stopped short, shaking her head, before diverting her course to us. When she reached us, she joined the hug, burying her face in my shoulder. 

 “It’s ok, per . Like I said, I know you,” she said. “Near death experience plus having loved ones around plus who you are lead to one foregone conclusion, which is only natural, and I’m surprised you three have gone for so long without indulging in it.” 

 Retreating from us, Baely clasped their hands behind their back. 

 “That being said, I don’t want to be here when you eventually give in so…” 

 Tilting their head to the side, they grinned with their tongue pinched between their teeth. 

 “Good night!” they said. 

 Spinning, they skipped toward the door with our answering ‘good nights’ chasing them. Once the door had slid closed behind them, Leski shook her head. 

 “That girl is definitely our daughter,” she said before focusing on me. “You talked to them?” 

 “I did,” I said. “I’m sorry that I didn’t before now.” 

 If only I’d realized what had been going on several months ago, maybe today wouldn’t have been so awkward. 

 “Why are you apologizing to me? I don’t need it,” Leski said, “and I don’t need an explanation for your behavior this afternoon either. What I do need to know is what you two were starting without me.” 

 Oh… how I loved her. 

 “What do you think we were doing?” I asked with a teasing grin. 

 “Oh, ho! Someone’s feeling better,” Leski said. 

 As she smirked, I pulled her to me. 

 “Mm…hmm,” I said. 

 Leski laughed while burying her face in my shoulder, which made Korix chuckle. 

 “Same as always, huh?” he said. 

 “Yes,” I said. “May we never change.” 

 I had no more words after that. Gathering my partners to me, I lost myself to them.

Chapter 43: Theories Based in Fact
Talira was making me stand for this meeting. I’d walked into her office, and not a single chair had been waiting for me on my side of her desk, which was how I knew she was truly pissed. She’d always used subtle signs to express her displeasure. 

 “Explain to me again how you let an Eighth Stratus get the drop on you. Slowly, this time,” she said. “I must be missing something because with the way you’ve told the story, you shouldn’t have gotten shot.” 

 Sighing, I shifted to my other foot, glancing over the view of Xygek behind my grandmother. 

 “You’re right. I shouldn’t have,” I said, “but instead, I made a mistake, and it almost saw me dead. I’m fine, though. Besides, this isn’t the first time I’ve courted death, my shukusen . You, more than anyone, should know that I will make mistakes. Eventually, one of them will kill me.” 

 I shrugged, slapping my hands to my thighs. 

 “Such is the life of the Lokke Vitras . All we can do is keep me alive until I’m prepared to take over your role.” 

 Which given that Talira knew how much I hated the House system, wouldn’t be anytime soon. Getting to her feet, my grandmother circled her desk, and after staring at me for a moment, she hauled back and slapped me. 

 “Stop that, you insufferable moron,” she hissed. “Self-pity? Morbid thinking? Forgetting to check your damn corners? You cannot afford these things, Zae-zae, and your family can’t take your loss, not while your kid's so young.” 

 Did she think I didn’t know this? 

 Wiping my mouth, I said, “Of course. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m the biggest of morons.” 

 Sometimes, it was best just to let her win. 

 Sighing, Talira pinched the bridge of her nose. 

 “Only at times,” she said before dropping her hands. “Come here.” 

 She spread her arms, and I was forced into a hug with her. Soon enough, though, she retreated from me before leaving her office, indicating that I should follow. 

 We took a lift down a few floors, somewhere we’d encounter mostly high Strata. All that meant, though, was that the passersby would try to ignore our presence rather than keeping their eyes glued to us. I still spied the occasional wide-eyed stare from them, but it was nothing compared to what we’d have seen at ground level. 

 I was curious where Talira was taking us. Usually, she stayed in her home or her office, save for when social functions required her elsewhere.  

 That wasn’t to say she was a shut-in, of course. If given the opportunity, she’d probably jump at the chance to walk in greater Xygek, but if I was the gun aimed at Lutov’s enemies, Talira was the one pointing me the right way. She also dealt with the bullshit paperwork that any bureaucracy required, meaning she had as little free time as me. 

 We could be headed to my office. Supposedly, I had one around here, but not only had I rarely used it, but I didn’t see the point of us going there. 

 In the end, her reasoning didn’t matter. Decades ago, I’d stopped trying to figure out how my grandmother thought. Why was I making an attempt at it now? 

 “Is there anything else I should know about?” Talira asked. “Any other near-death experiences?” 

 “No,” I said, “but Feena came to see me yesterday. She voiced her concerns about the events surrounding House Zan’s recent reorganization.” 

 I was curious how my grandmother would respond to this. Twenty-five years ago, she’d told me not to worry about Fifth Stratus Harvel’s culpability in those events. She’d promised she’d have someone look into it, and I was curious if that had actually happened. 

 Clicking her tongue, Talira said, “This again? I keep telling your sister that these suspicions are paranoid, but every time I think they’ve been laid to rest…” 

 She shook her head. 

 “Like I’ve told her on multiple occasions, don’t bother yourself with this, my Lokke Vitras. If there was a problem, I’d have told you long ago.” 

 “As you say, my shukusen,” I said. 

 I kept my gaze pinned to her back, though. Was she hiding something from me, or did I truly have nothing to worry about? 

 “Anything else?” Talira said. 

 “Not right now,” I said. “Lutov’s safe for the moment, although we both know that could change at any time.” 

 Stopping short, Talira whirled on me, and I barely stopped myself from bowling her over. 

 “Then, I have to wonder why you’re following me around like a lost puppy,” she says. “Shouldn’t you be doing your job?” 

 Oh. I see. This walk had been another form of punishment. 

 With my lips twitching, I said, “I shall depart your presence immediately, my shukusen.” 

 “Good,” Talira said, “but before you leave, heed me. I expect you to be writing my reports from the Lokke Vitras for a long while yet. Do you understand?” 

 That she loved me and was showing it in the only way she could? Yes. 

 Bowing deeply, I said, “I’m always at my shukusen’s disposal.” 

 “Wonderful!” Talira said, “You shukusen wants you gone now. So, shoo!” 

 Rising, I caught a glimpse of her wry grin before spinning on my heel. Once I was in a lift, I sent a message to Feena, and by the time I’d reached ground level, she’d provided me with a location for lunch: a hole-in-the-wall near Kolb’s headquarters. 

 Fortunately, I’d frequented this place often enough that the shop’s proprietors knew how to handle me. They ushered me to a private booth as soon as I arrived. 

 After a sound barrier had been raised around my booth, I slumped in my seat, prodding at my chest. I was almost back to normal, health-wise, but the remnants of my wounds were still sore. That shouldn’t be an issue, though. Considering my injuries weren’t hampering my movement, I wasn’t worried about the leftovers of my mishap, although that made them no less annoying. 

 Even with that on my plate, Feena had picked a good time to spring a request for help on me. As I pulled up my to-do list, I marveled at how short it was. I hadn’t had this light of a workload in forever, which had been nice. Among other benefits, it had let my dating life once more flourish. 

 Reminded of that, I pulled up my list of contacts, checking if I’d neglected any of them in recent days, but before I could start a message to anyone, Feena slid onto the bench opposite me. 

 “Have you ordered yet?” she asked. 

 “No. Wasn’t sure when you’d show up,” I said. “Now that you’re here, though…” 

 With a gesture, I retrieved this place’s menu, soon placing an order. I watched my sister make her own choice, and once she’d returned her focus to me, I folded my hands on the table. 

 “So?” 

 “I didn’t have breakfast this morning, Zae. I’m not talking about that until I have some food in my belly,” Feena said. “If you want a conversation, pick another topic.” 

 Seriously? She was going to make me wait even longer?  

 Really, though, that was fine because apparently, Feena had forgotten one important thing about our relationship. I was very good at playing this game she’d started. 

 “All right,” I said. “How’s life?” 

 Groaning, Feena slapped her hands to her face, which made me grin. Not only had my sister always hated small talk, but she disliked discussing her personal life, except under special circumstances. Those times usually involved alcohol, of which we had none at the moment. 

 “That’s right. I can be just as difficult as you,” I said. 

 “Understatement,” Feena said into her hands. 

 With no pity for her, I asked, “Does that mean you’re not answering the question?” 

 Sighing, Feena smacked the table between us. 

 “Life’s fine for me right now, as you well know,” she said. “If there were a problem, I’d have told you about it.” 

 “True,” I said. “Still, I had to ask. Are you still seeing that… what was his name? Fredrik?” 

 “No, we broke up last month. I’m single for the moment,” Feena said, “and before you say a word, you don’t get to give me dating advice. Not only am I your big sister, but our dating styles are too opposite for your advice to apply.” 

 Humming, I leaned on my elbows, cupping my face. 

 “I don’t know about that,” I said. “Some things transcend how many people someone dates. Like making sure you communicate with your partners.” 

 “You’re one to talk about communication and openness, Mr. I Have Too Many Secrets to Count,” Feena said. 

 “That’s true, but at the start of a relationship, I make sure a potential partner knows that I have secrets, ones I can’t share,” I said. “So…. communication.” 

 Leaning back, I spread my arms, and while Feena groaned, a drone brought us our food. 

 “Thank Mother Time,” my sister said. 

 I could only laugh at that. Something about frustrating my siblings had always been deeply satisfying for me. 

 “You have your food now, so you can start whenever you’re ready,” I said. 

 With an even louder groan, Feena threw her head back before proceeding to ignore me, at least for the first few bites of her meal. That was fine by me. It gave me time to enjoy my food as well. 

 Soon enough, though, Feena got to her story. 

 “So. The question of who asked House Zan for a weapon that broke the Concords,” she said. “Do you remember stealing a copy of First Stratus Teag’s ‘diary’ during that mission?” 

 “Of course I do,” I said. “How could I forget the night of the Pinpoint’s creation?” 

 The experiment that had led to the creation of an artificial wormhole near our planet was still a source of controversary in Lutov, even this many years later. If someone wasn’t protesting how many resources Cerullis had wasted on the ‘useless’ project, they were raising a fuss over its proximity to the planet or something equally as ridiculous. Because of this, I’d long ago despaired of seeing the experiment repeated. 

 “Did you ever read through that thing?” Feena asked. 

 Frowning, I said, “I scanned it. Saw nothing of note. Why?” 

 With a nod, Feena blew out a breath. 

 “That’s what I thought, not that I can blame you for missing what I found. Teag’s journal is innocuous at first glance,” she said. “I’m sending you some entries with the portions of greatest interest highlighted. Take a look at them.” 

 I opened the relevant message with a pit in my stomach, and as I glanced over my sister’s indicated passages, that sensation only grew. How had I missed this? 

 “Why does Teag keep mentioning our Fourth Stratus Elrin?” I said, mostly to myself. “I know that man fairly well. He’s not the type to betray his House, whether intentionally or not.” 

 “I’m surprised you focused on that, out of all the evidence I’ve presented to you,” Feena said. 

 Jerking free of my thoughts, I waved for her to calm down. 

 “Yes, the vague references to Zan and a ‘project’ are suggestive, and with that alone, I’d say we should investigate Teag,” I said, “but this bit about Elrin concerns me. Years ago, he oversaw a missing persons mission, one that I found important at the time. I helped him with it as much as I could, but even still, we never found those people.” 

 “You think Cerullis was involved?” Feena said. 

 Humming, I took another bite of my food. 

 “Maybe,” I said. “I find that hard to believe, though. Knowing Sanya as well as I do, I doubt she’d have approved of something so horrible. She’s much too decent of a person to have allowed it, and Teag’s too attached to her. He wouldn’t have kidnapped citizens for an unknown reason, especially if Sanya disapproved of it.” 

 I had no clue how those two had kept their relationship a secret for so many years, but I applauded them for it, even if I also wished they could share how they felt. They were in love. That much would be obvious to anyone paying attention, and it was why Teag would never do anything to make Sanya uncomfortable. At the same time, love made people do stupid things at times. I could see Teag abducting people if he’d thought doing so would keep Sanya safe. 

 I’d never think that of her, though. Never her. Over the last twenty-five years, she and I had worked together too often for me to believe her capable of it. If she possessed a treacherous or malicious bone in her body, I’d know about it. 

 Which was why I said. 

 “We should talk to Cerullis’ shukusen and see how she responds to this. Perhaps she won’t have a clue about Teag’s activities. Perhaps she’ll have an explanation for him. Whatever the case may be, there’s no harm in consulting with her.” 

 Drawing her eyebrows together, Feena said, “You may trust shukusen Sanya, and I understand why you do, but… what if she was the one who ordered the neurotoxin from Zan, using Teag as her go-between?” 

 “Then, I’ll have to question my instincts more than I already am,” I said, “but if I’ve misjudged Sanya, then I’ll deal with it. After the other shukusenth I’ve dealt with, do you think I couldn’t handle a third?” 

 “I think…” 

 With a heavy sigh, Feena slumped before grinning at me. 

 “I think that if you let yourself try, you could do anything, little brother.” 

 If I let myself…? 

 Pointing at the remnants of my meal, she continued, “Are you going to finish that? Because otherwise, we should leave. Right?” 

 That would be wise, yes.  

 I should probably talk to Talira before interrogating another shukusen, but given what she’d said earlier and what Feena had shown me now, I thought she was hiding something from me, although I wasn’t sure what it was. Maybe she was embarrassed about missing this discrepancy. Maybe the current crop of rebels in Ibis was keeping her preoccupied. 

 Whatever she was concealing, it couldn’t hurt me or Lutov. That was impossible, but even still, I couldn’t bring myself to request a connection with her. 

 So, instead, I scooped a spoonful of food off of my plate, taking a slow bite, and with a huff, Feena got up, leaving the booth and me in her dust. Laughing, I pushed my plate away before scrambling to follow her.

Chapter 44: Testing the Theory
On stepping inside House Cerullis’ headquarters, I headed straight for the welcome desk with Feena by my side. She gave me a strange look for this, probably wondering why I’d stop here when I had the credentials needed to go anywhere in this tower. I didn’t bother explaining to her that I liked cultivating the associations I’d formed in this House. 

 It didn’t help that the receptionist stationed here today was a lovely woman, someone I’d sporadically dated. 

 “Hi, Calia! It’s good to see you!” I called as we approached. “Is your shukusen here?” 

 I already knew that she was. Why would we have walked here if the person we needed to speak with had been elsewhere? Being polite had never hurt anybody, though. 

 “Oh, Zae! Hello,” Calia said. “Yes, shukusen Sanya’s here. Would you like to see her? It’ll be a few minutes.” 

 “That’s fine. We don’t mind waiting, for a time at least,” I said. “Please let me know if it’ll be longer than a half-hour, though.” 

 “Will do,” Calia said before hesitating. “Can we catch up soon? It feels like forever since I last saw you.” 

 “That’s because it’s been two months, one week, and three days,” I said, “and yes. I’d love to catch up soon. I’ll let you know as soon as I have time, and hopefully, our schedules will align.” 

 Giggling, Calia said, “Sounds good. I’ll find you as soon as the shukusen’s ready to see you.” 

 I dropped into an exaggerated bow, which made her laugh even harder, before finding a quiet corner where Feena and I could wait. 

 “You’re dating her?” she said once we’d found one. “She seems…” 

 “Young?” I said. “That’s because she is. Calia’s House naming was only two years ago. What of it?” 

 After giving me an odd look, Feena said, “What? No! I was going to say ‘not your type’. Why jump straight to age? Once someone's reached adulthood, It has no relevance.” 

 Wincing, I leaned against a wall while crossing my arms. 

 “Yes, I know. And I’m sorry about jumping down your throat. I’ve been getting pushback about my dating habits recently, odd as that might seem,” I said. “There’s a reason for it, though Did you notice anything different about the way Calia was treating me? Not as someone she’s dating but as the Lokke Vitras, I mean.” 

 With a frown, Feena said, “She did seem a little… casual.” 

 “Exactly,” I said. “I’ve been entrenched as the Lokke Vitras for a while now, and we’re reaching a time where people from the younger generation are losing their fear of the position. It’s gratifying to see, but certain individuals don’t like the change. They especially don’t like that because of it, I’ve focused my romantic energy on a younger crowd in recent years, but really, those people should have expected it. Dating someone who’s not afraid of me is so much easier than the opposite.” 

 I shrugged. 

 “But this change in attitude has been slow to take hold of the populace. It’s not that common, even among the young, so if you haven’t noticed the shift, it wouldn’t surprise me.” 

 “I definitely haven’t, but now that you’ve mentioned it, it explains a few discrepancies I’ve noticed recently,” Feena said. “I’m sorry people are sticking their noses into your dating life again. That must be frustrating.” 

 Again, I shrugged. 

 “It’s my life. I got used to it a long time ago,” I said. “We should get comfortable, though. From what Calia said, we might be here for a while.” 

 “Right,” Feena sourly said. 

 She didn’t complain about this like she clearly wanted to, though. We fell into our separate worlds, working through our arrays or otherwise occupying ourselves. I didn’t know exactly how long Sanya kept us waiting, but when Calia gathered us, much less time had passed than I’d expected. 

 Why was the shukusen being so courteous? She and I might be friendly with each other, much more so than I was with other work associates, but she was still a head of House. Her schedule was usually packed, and clearing it for a meeting with me would have been a pain. As we took a lift to the top of the tower, I tried not to question my luck, and once there, Feena and I entered Sanya’s office. 

 Fortunately, this place had changed from when her predecessor, Alezand, had claimed it. Rather than a dark room, full of display cases, Sanya’s office was bright and airy with a sunroof letting light inside. This was good, considering the sheer number of plants growing here. Every time I visited, I found a new species of bush or flower in this place, and save for a scattering of furniture nearby, I could swear that I’d stepped into the Preserve. 

 And of course, there was Sanya. Unlike when timidity was forced upon her, the shukusen was in her element here. When she saw me coming, she spread her arms with a beaming smile, hurrying to give me a hug. 

 “Zaeden! How good to see you!” she said. “I wasn’t expecting a visit.” 

 As always, I returned her hug, although I wasn’t as enthusiastic with it as I would be with other people. Sanya had always been more wary of aggressive behavior than most, sometimes jumping if I moved too quickly around her. I wasn’t sure why that was, but doing small things to make her more comfortable took little energy from me. Why not make the effort? 

 “It was spur of the moment, I’m afraid,” I said. “Sorry if I’ve upset your plans.” 

 “Oh, please. I can always make time for you,” Sanya said. “Now, who’s your friend?” 

 I gestured to my sister. 

 “This is Second Stratus Feena,” I said. “You may have heard me mention her before?” 

 “Only every time I ask about your family,” Sanya said. “It’s good to finally meet you, my dear.” 

 Internally, I winced. Because I knew Sanya, I also knew that last tidbit hadn’t been meant to sound condescending. The shukusen was just awkward at times, which was part of her charm for me, but Feena didn’t take well to others looking down on her, whether intentionally or not. Fortunately, she only smiled while taking Sanya’s offered hand. 

 “Always a pleasure to meet a shukusen,” she said. 

 Again, I winced, knowing that to be a hidden jab. Feena had stopped caring about people’s Strata a long time ago, probably around when she’d been named a Chosen, and this meant she didn’t give a damn about Sanya’s position. The shukusen didn’t know that, though, merely returning Feena’s smile. 

 “Let’s take a seat,” she said. “Do you mind if we’re more informal today? I have some stuffy meetings later. We’re getting ready for this month’s assembly.” 

 “Please. You know how I feel about formality,” I said. 

 Laughing, Sanya said, “That, I do.” 

 She led us deeper into her office, and once plants had hidden the city around us, she and I sank into the grass with Feena shortly following us. Absently, Sanya started picking at our natural carpet, twirling plucked blades between her fingers, and I watched, waiting for her to make the first move. 

 “How’s your family?” Sanya eventually asked. 

 Which made me shift in place. Not only was I the only one here who’d established a family outside of the one I’d been born into, but I knew something more lay behind the question. Every time I saw Sanya, she asked about my girls, of course. Most of her attention was focused on Korix, though, and considering how often he’d returned the favor for her in recent years, I knew something lay between them. I’d never asked what it was, content to let them share it in their own time, but their behavior did leave me with questions. 

 Who was Sanya to my life partner? At some point, had she and Korix dated? Had he saved her life when he’d been the Lokke Vitras, or worse, was she related to one of his victims? 

 I knew she couldn’t be his friend. He got out of the house so rarely that this possibility was nonexistent, and as far as I knew, his birth family was dead. So, how did she fit into his life? 

 Given how often both of them had avoided the subject, I was unlikely to find out any time soon. 

 “They’re good,” I said in answer. “My kid's House naming’s coming up—” 

 Apparently. 

 “—and for now, Leski’s focusing on House business instead of her music and dancing. In other words, everything’s the same as usual.” 

 And I waited, wondering if Sanya would fill the gap that I’d left for her. 

 As expected, she said, “What about Korix? Is he well?” 

 “Yes. Very much so,” I said. “He just finished a final round of revisions on his book. Now, he has to decide whether he’ll release it under his name or a pseudonym. I expect the decision will take him a while.” 

 Breaking into a laugh, Sanya slapped a hand to her mouth, highlighting how bright her eyes had gone, and I smiled at the sight. Why did seeing people happy always spark a warm glow in me? 

 “Oh, you know him well, but of course you do,” she soon gasped. “I’ve never seen two people better suited for each other. In many ways, the two of you remind me of that old Ostium legend. How does it go? Some people have ‘someone to complete their song’. Right?” 

 For that last part, she’d turned dignified, which made me want to grimace. Much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t get into my opinion on how much my people belittled Ostium and Ibisian beliefs as she just had, especially not when she was a shukusen . Even if she was the most reasonable one I’d ever met, I couldn’t be sure how well such criticism would be received. 

 “I’ve always wondered about that, you know,” Feena said. “Sometimes, Ko and Zae seem to fit each other a little too well.” 

 Snorting a laugh, Sanya said, “You said it, not me.” 

 For some reason, that made Feena’s eye twitch. Maybe she was annoyed at how long I was taking to get to the point. 

 As if to prove me right, she said, “If you’ll excuse my frankness, shukusen, we didn’t come here to discuss my brother’s family.” 

 “No, of course not.” 

 Releasing her blades of grass, Sanya folded her hands in her lap, smiling at me. 

 “Why have I been honored by the presences of Kolb’s First Stratus as well as one of their esteemed Second Strata?” she asked. 

 My sister looked like she was biting her tongue to keep from speaking, and I felt for her, truly. She’d done the work to get us here. She deserved to explain her suspicions, but unfortunately, she’d brought me with her to this confrontation. Much as we’d dropped formality and decorum to this point, we couldn’t completely abandon it, and these customs demanded that I be the one to speak. 

 So, controlling my grimace, I opened my mouth. 

 “We’re here about a mission I was involved with at the time of House Zan’s recent reorganization,” I said, watching Sanya’s face. “Do you remember that period of trouble?” 

 If the shukusen knew where I was going with this, she didn’t show it. 

 Frowning, she said, “Of course I do. Kolb accused Arion of breaking the Concords, and after presenting their evidence of this at an assembly, the other shukusenth agreed with them. At the subsequent trial, he was removed from his position and stripped of House while your brother took his place. Your family emerged from that conflict with great success! So many of you are in positions of power now, but that’s not your point. What is?” 

 I wasn’t sure if she’d brought up Pheniks as a distraction or not. Sanya knew how rocky my relationship with my brother had been over the last two and a half decades, but considering how public our lives were, who didn’t know about the bad blood between us? 

 Was Sanya trying to change the subject? If she was, I couldn’t indulge her in that, much as I might like to. I wasn’t looking forward to the accusation I must soon make. 

 “That’s true, but it’s not the full story,” I said. “What Kolb failed to tell the other Houses is that Arion was only an accomplice in that plot. During his trial, I was on a deep-cover mission in your House to find the mastermind behind our troubles, and after several months, I accomplished that goal. I thought the matter had been laid to rest, but Feena has brought new details to my attention, details that have called that assumption into question." 

 Telling her I’d made a mistake had been a calculated risk on my part. No matter how much I might fight to change the public’s opinion about the Lokke Vitras, that struggle was only in its beginning stages. The vast majority of Lutov, including Sanya, believed that I was invincible, ridiculous as I might find it, and this belief was one that I must carefully dismantle. Mess it up, and Kolb would lose an unacceptable amount of power, something that could devastate Lutov. That House was already struggling to maintain the peace here. 

 I hoped that showing Sanya this vulnerability would help her relax. When the time came, it could push her into opening up, assuming she had anything to share. 

 If she did, she was hiding it well. Cocking her head, she eyed me with puzzlement spreading across her features. 

 “I see,” she said. “What does that have to do with me?” 

 When Feena shifted beside me, I rested a hand on her knee. She needed to keep quiet for a little while longer. Accusing a First Stratus of breaking the Concords was a delicate maneuver. Getting that accusation to stick on Arion had taken over six months, and while he’d been a shukusen, the same difficulty would be found here, if Teag was guilty of anything in the first place. 

 Given how brash my sister could be at times and considering how much I liked Sanya, I wanted to present this subject in a way she’d find palatable. Fortunately, I knew her well enough to do that. 

 “Shukusen. Based on the information I’ve learned, I believe your First Stratus might have been involved in the plot,” I said. “Feena and I have come here so you can defend him, if you feel the need.” 

 Short. Direct. To the point. As she’d always liked hearing bad news. 

 At my words, Sanya fell still with her face going blank. I couldn’t see anything there, and this confused me. Not many people outside of Kolb had mastered this look so well, least of all someone like Sanya. 

 After a moment, she said in monotone, “I see. You have evidence to back this accusation?” 

 “We do,” I said, nodding to Feena. 

 After my sister had sent the shukusen everything she’d already given me, we waited for Sanya to read it, and all the while, I examined her, wondering what she was thinking. After reviewing Feena’s findings, would she draw the same conclusions I had? What would she think of her lover’s betrayal, if it was one? Would she have an explanation to erase my doubts about Teag’s loyalty to Lutov? 

 Please, say that she would. If there was one thing I abhorred about my role, it was when I was forced to tear loved ones apart. 

 Soon enough, Sanya refocused on me and Feena. She looked calm but not in a way that relieved me. The expression on her face only made prickles run over my skin while my fingers itched for a weapon, which… 

 Shit. Mother Time, let me be wrong. 

 “I’ll admit that this looks pretty damning,” Sanya said, “but your theory’s wrong, Lokke Vitras.” 

 “Oh?” I said. “How would you explain what you’ve read, then?” 

 Please, please, please, please, please… 

 With a sad smile, Sanya said, “Simply put, Teag isn’t the culprit you’re looking for. He was only following my orders, after all.”

Chapter 45: Whether to Help
Feena started surging for her feet, but my fingers, hooked in her belt loop, sent her crashing back into the grass. The instant she hit the ground, I released my hold, snatching her wrist to keep her from lifting her rifle. 

 Never looking away from Sanya, I hissed, “Second Stratus, you will follow my lead.” 

 After a breath, Feena relaxed under my grip. 

 “Yes, Lokke Vitras,” she said. 

 Good. I hadn’t been sure if she’d listen to me. If she’d pulled rank as a Chosen—did that put her above or below me?—it would have been disastrous. 

 “Please forgive my sister, shukusen Sanya,” I said. “Even high Stratus as she is, she’s always been too emotional for her own good.” 

 Frozen solid to this point, Sanya slowly nodded in acknowledgment of what I’d said, not that I could blame her for her sluggishness. She’d probably never had to deal with violence before. 

 “Wonderful!” I said. “Now, if you could please confirm your admission of guilt for breaking the Concords, we’ll head to Kolb’s headquarters so Talira can speak with you. Unless you have something you’d like to add?” 

 Sanya shivered, and I wondered why. It wasn’t cold in here. Was she just now realizing what sort of consequences she might face for her actions? 

 “Mother Time, you’re terrifying like this,” she whispered. “I’ve always wondered why people say you’re the coldest Lokke Vitras that Lutov’s ever seen, but I see it now. Hell, you’re more intimidating than Korix was when he- when he wasn’t Korix, and that’s saying something.” 

 Oh. I was in mission mode. Of course she was reacting the way she had. When had I reached that state? 

 Shaking the question off, I raised an eyebrow at her seemingly unrelated tangent, and Sanya lifted her hands. 

 “Before you decide what to do with me, I’d like to show you why I broke the Concords,” she said. “I know that’s asking a lot, considering how thoroughly I’ve betrayed your trust in me, but please, Lokke Vitras. Whatever fate you choose for me after I’m done, I’ll happily accept, but let me have this.” 

 Was that why I was in mission mode? I’d liked Sanya. She’d given me hope that perhaps together, we could push Lutov out of its stagnancy, but if she’d ‘destroyed my trust’—what little of it I might have had—then that dream was dead. Again. 

 And I’d long ago learned how to protect myself from something that would hurt me so badly. 

 Feena shifted beside me, and I cast these thoughts aside, considering the request the shukusen had made. Even in mission mode as I was, Sanya looked earnest to me. I had no doubt that she would walk into the Tainted Lands if it would get me to listen and- and- 

 Well. I liked her. Not had liked. Liked. She was timid but fierce, when she needed to be. She was innovative and willing to break the mold, if it got her what she needed. I could give her one damn chance. 

 “You have my leave to explain,” I said. 

 At those words, Sanya slumped with relief, but Feena tensed under my hold. 

 “Zaeden-!” she started. 

 “Yes, Second Stratus?” I mildly interrupted. 

 Considering how tense the resulting silence was, I could only imagine the struggle my sister was undertaking to contain her temper. 

 “Forgive me, Lokke Vitras,” she eventually said, “but… but this is a terrible idea.” 

 Ha! Couldn’t completely control herself, it seemed. 

 “I’ll keep your opinion in mind,” I said. “Shukusen, you may begin.” 

 Nodding, Sanya started getting to her feet, and I shot my hand up, pointing my rifle at her face. With her breath catching, Sanya became a statue, swallowing hard before she could speak. 

 “If I’m to explain, I’ll have to show you something in the sub-levels,” she said. “Lokke Vitras, you know mw. I’m not an idiot. I know that if I tried to run, I wouldn’t get far before you put an energy bolt in my head, and I don’t want to die. I would much rather suffer the humiliation of exile. So, please. Let me do what I must to move this along?” 

 When I searched Sanya, I saw no sign of deceit, so I dissipated my rifle, making Feena suck in a breath, and waved for the shukusen to proceed. My sister and I followed her to the lift with Feena a seething ball of disapproval beside me, but once we were there, I stepped in front of Sanya. 

 “Which sub-level?” I asked. 

 “B-9,” Sanya said. 

 With a nod, I said, “Feena?” 

 Relaxing, my sister set our destination into the lift’s controls before stepping into it, and I waited, giving her plenty of time to secure our arrival point, before stepping to the side. Holding my gaze, Sanya shook her head. 

 “I meant it, Zaeden. I won’t try to escape,” she said, “and I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about this sooner.” 

 She paused for a moment, although I wasn’t sure why she had. How on earth could I have replied to that? Eventually, though, I made Sanya uncomfortable enough to follow Feena. 

 When I rejoined my companions, I found them in the foyer to an area I knew well, if one that had been moved several floors below ground. While following Sanya, I glanced around Aeronautics, this place where I’d spent six months of my life, and caught Feena’s eye. What were we doing here? 

 We passed former colleagues while moving along, and although I drew eyes, it was because of who I was and nothing more. Feena, however, they knew. Whispers rose behind us, things like ‘Laylah’ and ‘damn Kolb operative’, and I winced at how tightly those comments drew my sister’s shoulder blades together. I’d always dislikedthis part of deep-cover missions. 

 Eventually, we stepped into a room with desks and storecases scattered around a holodrama plate, and as soon as she saw our group, the woman inside hurried to greet us. 

 “Shukusen! How can I-?” Second Stratus Janyka said before stopping short. “Laylah! I thought you’d moved on. What are you…?” 

 She trailed off, taking in Feena’s attire, and when I smiled at her, she gasped, falling back a step. 

 “Second Stratus, everything’s fine,” Sanya said. “Please, collect yourself and take your work elsewhere. I need this equipment.” 

 Still bug-eyed, Janyka nodded before fleeing the room. Mother Time, I hated that I had that effect on people. 

 How long would it be before she spread the news of what she’d seen? Enough people had seen me in the lobby earlier that the entirety of House Cerullis probably knew I was here by now, but the fact that I’d accompanied their shukusen to this specific department would have people watching me and my sister with extreme suspicion for the rest of our visit. 

 Sanya either hadn’t thought about this or didn’t care because without a comment on Janyka’s departure, she breezed into the room and turned on the holodrama plate when she reached it. An image of the sun—of all things—flickered into being above it, and after a moment, I cocked my head at its rotating mass. Why did it look wrong? 

 “My story is, unfortunately, quite similar to my predecessors,” Sanya said. “During the course of our research, Cerullis stumbled upon a phenomenon that could destroy life on this planet as we know it. I’m guessing you see something’s different about our solar system’s star?” 

 “Yes,” I said, squinting at the image. 

 What the hell was I missing? 

 “Don’t feel bad if you can’t distinguish the change,” Sanya said. “It’s subtle and so unbelievable that most people refuse to see it until someone points it out. Even after that, some people continue to deny it, no matter how many reports my House writes about it.” 

 I was assuming she was referring to the reports that every House submitted to the others, sharing significant discoveries to acquire more resources. They crossed my desk at times, but usually, I only had time to glance over them before moving on to tasks more suited to my specialty. I left the in-depth reading to Talira. Considering how often I’d mentioned this in the past, Sanya knew about it, meaning that comment hadn’t been aimed at me. Had she been deprecating Talira, then? 

 Stepping forward, Feena snarled at Sanya. 

 “And what is it?” 

 Damn, she’d sounded annoyed, not that I could blame her. This visit probably wasn’t going the way she’d had planned. 

 Turning to the hologram, Sanya gazed at it with her arms crossed behind her back. 

 “Our sun is larger than it should be,” she said. 

 Oh. Yes, that made- 

 Sucking in a breath, I jerked my head to Sanya. 

 “What?” I said.  

 In the next instant, Feena hissed, “How?” 

 Taking a deep breath, Sanya met our eyes before saying. 

 “We don’t know. Not specifically, at least. Here’s what we do have.” 

 After she played with the air, the hologram of our sun zoomed in until only a portion of it remained in view, and against that background, a structure of alien design floated. It was unlike any satellite that Lutov had produced, although something about the protrusions hugging its exterior tickled at my memory. Something about the vehicle we’d used to resolve the Ancient’s Crisis. 

 “What is that?” Feena asked. 

 “Again, we don’t know,” Sanya said, “but its origin seems fairly clear-” 

 “It was made by those from beyond the stars,” I quietly interrupted. 

 I was starting to see where this was going, and I didn’t like it. Looking at this image, I was reminded of a time when I’d stood in front of a hologram like this, and the image of our sun had shimmered before jumping in size. At the time, I’d thought that I’d lost my brother while an Ancient, an enemy of those from beyond the stars, had been in my body, trying to kill me, so I’d mostly forgotten about what I’d seen. Until now. 

 Were those events related to what I was currently looking at, and if so, how long had Cerullis sat on this problem? 

 “Trust you to see it so quickly,” Sanya said. “The best we can tell, that structure—whatever it is—is adding mass to our sun. You can guess the possible consequences of that, Lokke Vitras.” 

 Numbly, I nodded. If left alone, such a change in a star, the origin of so much energy that it baffled the mind, could wipe out life on our planet, at the least. 

 “We theorize that after the Ancients defeated them in the war, those from beyond the stars left that structure as a parting gift, their final revenge in a way,” Sanya said. “It’s working slowly, so we have a few centuries before our sun reaches a tipping point but…” 

 That didn’t mean we should ignore the problem. 

 “Why would our old enemy do something like this? Why not choose a quick method of revenge?” I asked, mostly of myself. “By making the process progress so slowly, did some among them hope to give us a chance, or are they taunting us, sure in the knowledge that we can’t stop their plan?” 

 “Does it matter?” Feena said. “If what you’ve shown us is real—and I’m not sure it is—then it must relate to why you broke the Concords. You should finish explaining that, shukusen.” 

 I already knew what Sanya would say, though. 

 “She commissioned the neurotoxin as a last resort,” I said. “If worst came to worst, it would force the other Houses into working with Cerullis while they researched this structure. Considering our circumstances, they’d probably end up needing it too. All of that makes sense to me.” 

 While Feena glared at me, probably wondering what I was doing, Sanya relaxed, but if she thought I’d been swayed to leave things along, she had another thing coming. I wasn’t done yet. 

 “Which leaves the question of why you kidnapped so many people while having the weapon developed. Given how often Teag mentioned Elrin’s missing persons mission in his journal, it follows that they’re a part of this somehow,” I said. “Were they your test subjects? Did you unleash your neurotoxin on them?” 

 A weapon to dissolve someone’s nervous system. What would that feel like while it killed you? 

 Perhaps Sanya had heard the hidden violence in my voice because she gasped, clenching her hands until their knuckles turned white, while tears sprang into her eyes. 

 “Yes,” she simply said. 

 Before the impact of her words could hit me, though Sanya gestured at the air. An image of an alien structure, floating around the sun, was replaced with the visage of a pretty woman, and I stopped breathing. How many times had I stared at that face while scanning Elrin’s reports? 

 “My name is Valef, and I am a Seventh Stratus of House Drav,” she said. “After ninety-six years of life, I’ve decided that I’m ready to join the Collective, but rather than taking the easy way out, I want to use my life’s end to advance a worthy cause. 

 “If you’re hearing this, Lokke Vitras, know that I’m honored by how diligently you’ve searched for us. First Stratus Teag has kept us appraised of your investigation into our disappearances, and after hearing about it, my companions and I suggested that he make these recordings so you’ll understand. 

 “None of us were kidnapped, and any horror that we’ve undergone here was done with our permission. First Stratus Teag and shukusen Sanya have been careful about making sure that this is what we want. After hearing what they had to say, however, how could we do anything less than agree to help? 

 “I don’t know about the others, but your example has inspired me to make this choice of self-sacrifice, Lokke Vitras , so please. Whoever brought you here, listen to them. Help them, and only enact justice for us after our goal has been achieved. 

 “Thank you for listening to my words.” 

 Her image winked out, but I still saw the ghost of it every time I blinked. Hell, I needed to breathe, but I couldn’t focus on that life-essential task. My mind was too fixed on Valef’s words. 

 Your example has inspired me… 

 “I have one for them all,” Sanya said. 

 Closing my eyes, I turned away, noting Feena’s soft sob. 

 “You manipulative bitch,” she whispered. 

 “Yes,” Sanya said. “I’m sorry.” 

 I didn’t know how long it took me to collect myself, but when I turned back to her, Sanya had moved closer. 

 As if already knowing what I’d need, she said, “As soon as the world’s safe, Zaeden. Teag and I will accept whatever punishment you think we deserve as soon as it’s over.” 

 Why? Why did I still trust her? Why did I still like her? 

 Licking my lips, I roughly asked, “What do you need?” 

 I half-expected Feena to protest that question, but she just hugged herself, looking away. Did she think I was making a mistake? Would she say anything if she did? 

 “An assembly is scheduled for the end of the week,” Sanya said. 

 Nodding, I said, “I’m aware.” 

 “At that meeting, I plan to put our proposal to reinstate Lutov’s space program to a vote,” Sanya said. “I need it to pass. Can you make that happen?” 

 Who did she think she was talking to? 

 “I can,” I said. “For that, though, I’ll need all of your research into what’s destabilizing our sun as well as your reports on the experiments you’ve run. I’ll also need copies of the… recordings.” 

 She’d know what I meant. 

 “Of course,” Sanya said, “and if you need anything else, please contact me directly. I’ll answer you, no matter what I might be involved with." 

 “You’d better,’ Feena said under her breath. 

 Ignoring her, I said, “My thanks, shukusen . If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to get started now. My schedule has suddenly filled up.” 

 “Please,” Sanya said, gesturing toward the door. 

 After a bow, I hurried out of the room with Feena on my heel, and as we left, I never saw my surroundings or the people nearby, surely staring. I navigated out of the tower on instinct alone, and only once sunlight was warming our skin did Feena break the silence she’d maintained. 

 “Are you ok?” she asked. 

 Was I? Mission mode was making it hard to tell. 

 “I will be,” I eventually said. 

 I had to be.

Chapter 46: What Next?
When we reached Feena’s apartment, I hardly registered it, although I was surprised that my unconscious feet had led us here. Why here and not my home? 

 Once we were inside, Feena pulled ahead of me, guiding the way to her kitchen, and while I took a seat, she fiddled with her refectory. I ran my eyes over the pictures on the walls here, once again gratified to see so many children of Ibis smiling with my sister. I’d always wondered when she’d join the people who advocated for Ibisian rights, like I’d always wanted to do. Did she know how much I’d support that decision? 

 Finished with the refectory, my sister thrust a glass of amber liquid at me. A whiskey sour. She’d made me my favorite drink when she knew why I hardly touched alcohol anymore. 

 “Feena…” I said. 

 “It’s just one drink, Zae,” Feena snapped. “I won’t let you have more, and trust me. You need it.” 

 Sighing, I accepted the glass, sipping from it while she sat. Mother Time, that tasted good. For a while, we sat in silence, enjoying our indulgences, until Feena rested her glass on the table. 

 Twirling it between her hands, she asked, “Are you sure about this?” 

 Tiredly, I nodded. 

 “As sure as I can be,” I said, “but the fact that I hold Sanya in high regard and the nature of this issue might be clouding my judgment. We both know I’ve always wanted to get off of this cursed rock. So, what do you think?” 

 How relieved was I for the opportunity to ask her that? Here, no recorders were watching, showing my uncertainty to others. I didn’t have to be the Lokke Vitras. I could just be Zaeden, asking my older sister for the advice I so desperately needed. 

 She looked torn, though. Chewing on her lip, she stared into the distance before sharply nodding. As she opened her mouth to answer me, however, a direct connection established in my array, and I lifted a finger toward her, wincing in anticipation of what I’d soon hear. 

 “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Talira growled at me. 

 Yeah, that was about what I’d thought. She must have heard about my visit with Sanya. 

 “Well, hello to you too,” I said. “Care to be more specific-?” 

 “I told you to leave the Cerullis situation alone,” Talira snapped. 

 I raised my eyebrows. When mentioning Feena’s concerns to my grandmother this morning, I’d never shared that Cerullis might be involved with that. At the time, I hadn’t even known they were, so how did she? Was her suspicion simply coming from which headquarters I’d visited? 

 With a hissing inhale, Talira let it out through her teeth. 

 “Zae-zae, listen to me,” she said. “Whatever your sister has roped you into, you need to drop it. Now. Do you hear me?” 

 Oo, I wanted to do what she’d said. I wanted to ignore this problem, handing it off to someone I trusted, but in the past, doing that had fucked me over too many times. In a way, trusting an authority figure had been what had started the Ancients Crisis. I was never letting a catastrophe that deadly threaten Lutov again. So, I set my jaw and said. 

 “Why? Is there a reason you’re being so hands-off with Cerullis? And why have you shown shukusen Sanya such favor in recent years? Please, Talira. I want to do as I’m told, but first, you need to tell me why I should.” 

 “No.” 

 Tensed all to hell, I waited for her to say more. There had to be more because a direct refusal wasn’t Talira’s style. She suggested and subtly showed the way, or she turned sarcastic and hurtful, but it was never just ‘no’. Even still, a solid minute ticked by with only silence to fill it, and I had to decide. Did I trust my grandmother? Was what she was hiding beneficial for Lutov and therefore, the people I loved? 

 Or had she made a mistake? She might not have the information that I did. If she did have it, could experience have shown her a better way to handle our current problem? 

 Really, though, the only relevant question was what good could come from me standing idly by in this matter. I was Talira’s greatest weapon. Why wasn’t she putting me to use? Sure, taking no action could be the best choice at times, but was this one of those situations? 

 Mother Time, I hoped I was making the right decision. 

 “I hear your words, my shukusen,” I said, “and I will obey.” 

 “Good,” Talira said. “What will you be doing instead?” 

 I shrugged, even knowing she wouldn’t see it. 

 “I might head home for the day. Spend more time with Baely before her House naming,” I said, “or I might go to Ibis. There have been more disturbances in Flosa than normal lately, and I’d like to check on them.” 

 “I see. Yes, those plans are good uses of your time,” Talira said. “Keep me updated, my Lokke Vitras, and stay away from Cerullis. Do not make me tell you again.” 

 She cut the connection while I was halfway through a response, and slumping, I drained what was left of my drink. 

 “What was that about?” Feena asked. 

 “Our grandmother, in all of her great wisdom,” I said, broadly waving, “has ordered me to abandon the task the shukusen Sanya has given us.” 

 Resting the glass on the table, I thunked my elbows onto it so I could rub my face, watching Feena through my fingers. 

 “And…. will you do that?” she asked. 

 “Well, that would depend on what you were going to say before that little interruption, wouldn’t it?” I said. 

 Throwing myself into my chair, I crossed my arms. Hell, I could use a second drink. Seemed I could also use a reminder of why I rarely touched the stuff anymore. 

 “I think… I think that ignoring Sanya's problem would be a mistake,” Feena said, “but I also think that my directive as a Chosen, now that I’ve shown you my findings, is to follow your lead.” 

 Great. No pressure there. 

 “Then, we need to more shukusenth to pledge their votes to Sanya’s proposal,” I said. “Obviously, she’ll vote for it, and once I’ve thrown my weight behind it, Talira will have no choice but to lean that way too. We can’t show Lutov how much she and I disagree behind closed doors.” 

 I rolled my eyes, but Feena didn’t notice, too busy squinting at thin air. 

 “I should take Phen and Marza,” she said. “Since Baely came around, things have been tense between you and Drav’s shukusen and Phen…” 

 “Is an entirely separate disaster, I know.” 

 Somehow, I shunted my thoughts away from my brother, focusing instead on how grateful I was to my sister. She’d suggested the course of action I’d wanted to take. I’d told Talira I might be headed to Ibis for a reason. 

 “So, that’ll leave me Orin and Raelle,” I said. “I can handle them, even if Raelle’s always been cold with me.” 

 I’d never been sure why that was. Had I insulted her in some way? 

 “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll do fine,” Feena said. “You’re the great Lokke Vitras, after all.” 

 Fast as lightning, I swatted at her, but she was faster, leaving me smacking the air. Laughing, she pointed at my empty glass. 

 “Feeling better?” she asked. 

 Making a face, I said, “A little. Meeting with Sanya might have gotten to me. Thanks for noticing how much I needed it.” 

 When I shook the glass, Feena smiled. 

 “Sometimes, you make it fucking obvious, Zae,” she said. “So, a mission in Ibis. Will you bring Leski with you?” 

 Ah. That was why I’d brought us here instead of my home. Should I involve my wife in this massive clusterfuck? 

 “Not yet,” I said. “If it starts getting dangerous, I will, but not yet.” 

 Feena nodded with no judgment on her face. 

 “Are you headed there immediately, or will you take a break first?” she asked. 

 “We should make good use of the time we have, yes?” 

 When I stood, Feena followed suit before pulling me to her. 

 “Good luck in Ibis. I’ll start with Phen soon,” she said before thrusting me away. “You know the way out, right?” 

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “Of course I do, and don’t worry. I’ll take the hint. See you soon.” 

 With a cheeky grin, Feena pushed me toward the door, and sighing, I walked through it. Once I was outside, I requested a direct connection with Damari, which they quickly accepted. 

 “Hey, LV!” they chirped. “Didn’t I see you yesterday?” 

 “What a coincidence, yes! I think you might have,” I said before grinning. “Are you busy? I could use a good pilot.” 

 “Fortunately for you, I’m free,” Damari said. “Where are we headed?” 

 Mother Time love my friend for keeping their curiosity to themselves. If they’d asked what we were doing, I didn’t know how I’d have answered. 

 “Ibis, specifically Flosa,” I said, “and I should warn you before we go: Talira hasn’t approved what I plan to do there.” 

 “Ah, so business as usual, then,” Damari said. “Don’t worry, LV. If we get into trouble, I know to blame everything on you. So, where am I meeting you?” 

 Fighting a smile, I said, “Your favorite hangar in headquarters. Give me half an hour.” 

 “Sounds good! I’ll see you there.” 

 As soon as Damari cut the connection, I was requesting another one with Leski, and while waiting for her to answer, I wrote a message for Korix, letting him know where I’d be. I briefly considered sharing what Sanya had been doing over the last fourteen years, but in the end, I decided not to trouble him with it. Not yet. Whatever relationship he had with Cerullis’ shukusen, temporarily keeping this to myself seemed wise. 

 After half a minute, Leski accepted my request for a connection. 

 “You won’t like what I have to say,” I told her as soon as it had established. 

 After a pause, Leski drawled, “Ok…?” 

 Pulling to the side, I braced myself for the tirade that I expected would soon come. 

 “I have a mission, one that’s taking me to Flosari’s capital,” I said. “I need you to stay here-” 

 “Zaeden. If you think I’m letting you anywhere near danger without back-up right now, you’ve got another thing coming,” Leski said. “The last time I did that-” 

 “Love, it’s a diplomatic mission,” I said. 

 I gave her a moment to change tracks before moving on. 

 “I’m just talking to Vaessa’s higher-ups, but a situation is brewing in Lutov. I need you to stay here so you can help if it blows up,” I said. “Can you linger around Xygek’s Travel Center until I get back? I’ll get you dispensation to breeze through the Terminal if I need you.” 

 As I waited for her answer, I counted my breaths, and when Leski eventually replied, she sounded annoyed. 

 “I don’t like this,” she said. 

 “If it helps, I don’t either,” I said. “Will you do it anyway?” 

 Sighing, Leski said, “Of course I will. Is there anything else?” 

 “Not at the moment,” I said “just my usual need to tell you how much I love you.” 

 “I love you too,” Leski said with a chuckle. “Now, I know that tone. It’s your ‘I’m in a hurry but I don’t want you to see it’ voice. So, go on. Get to wherever you need to be, and stay safe while you’re there.” 

 Hell, I loved this woman.  

 With my vision misting, I said, “Thanks. I will.” 

 I cut the connection before sentimentality could unravel me even further. That had gone better than expected. 

 With preparatory conversations out of the way, I could travel to Kolb’s headquarters in silence, and wasn’t that a relief? It gave me time to process everything that the day had brought me so far. 

 I’d made a mistake. Mother Time, a part of me had known I should have investigated Harvel’s neurotoxin further, but I’d so badly wanted that fiasco to be over. At the time, I’d been wrecked from the events that had led to that man’s death—fuck, I’d murdered him in cold blood and for no reason —and I’d had a new, precious addition to my life. With that change, I’d had to adjust how I did things, learn new habits, and occasionally wish that my partners and I had never submitted an application for a child. 

 I hadn’t wanted to consider that the creator of such a monstrous weapons was still roaming free, but despite my hopes, said person existed, and she was a woman I’d befriended to boot. 

 I was still having trouble accepting that Sanya had anything to do with this. For Mother Time’s sake, she flinched when someone raised their voice around her! I didn’t want to consider the circumstances that might have bred such a fearful reaction in such a gentle woman. Or gentle most of the time, I guessed. 

 Given that and the examples I’d seen of her decency over the last two and a half decades, though, where had she devised this idea? How had she figured out a method to intimidate the Houses? Those were the types of things I’d expect someone ruthless to be thinking about, not someone like… her. 

 It disturbed me that I couldn't answer that question. Roughly shaking my head, I increased my pace toward House Kolb's headquarters.

Chapter 47: Who Are You to Refuse Me?
I was still considering today’s events when I reached my destination. Fortunately, Damari was the only person in the hangar, waving from the tail of a Packhorse, so I didn’t conceal my sour mood. 

 As I approached, they chirped, “You look better! Bless those RRDs. Ready for a loooong flight?” 

 “As ready as I can be,” I said, “Can I sit in the front this time?” 

 Already turning into the Packhorse, Damari paused, narrowing their eyes at me. I didn’t usually like riding in the front, but I needed the company today. 

 “Sure,” they said. “You ok?” 

 After considering my answer for a moment, I said, “No, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe on the way.” 

 “All right,” Damari said with a shrug. “I’m all ears when you’re ready.” 

 They hurried into the Packhorse, and I once again blessed fate for the best friend I could have asked for. 

 The cockpits of Kolb’s strike ships had always been unnerving for me. A metal walkway hovered in the middle of its glass globe, indicating the safe zone of the force field that bisected it. A semi-circular bank of switches and dials surrounded the chairs that sat on this walkway. Since most of the Packhorse’s maneuvering was done through its pilot’s array, those instruments were only here for emergency control of the aircraft. 

 None of this was what made my skin prickle, though. That wouldn’t come until we were in the air. 

 While Damari settled into a chair, I took a seat in my own, pulling up everything Sanya had sent me. Once that was done, though, I frowned at the file’s size. It was so small! Was Sanya holding out on me? This suspicion and a quick read through of the file occupied me through a good chunk of the flight around the globe, although what lay beneath our feet was never far from my mind. 

 That was why I was uncomfortable with riding in the front of a Packhorse. I didn’t like having a reminder of how far above the ground I was. Today, though, the need for company had outweighed my visceral fear of heights. 

 Finished with the problem of Cerullis for now, I set Sanya’s file aside, fighting to keep my eyes off of Damari. My preoccupation with them must have been obvious, however, because they were soon shifting in place. 

 “Something on your mind?” they asked. 

 “Not really,” I said, “although I’m curious how your sister’s doing. She’ll be going through her House naming with Baely this year, right? That’s always stressful.” 

 Better to discuss that than any of my other problems. 

 Tensing, Damari said, “Misah’s fine, from what I can tell. Why do you ask?” 

 Why indeed, especially after my recent… episode? Yes, episode. 

 It certainly helped that I was discussing Misah, not my daughter. For some reason, that was keeping my containing box intact. So long as we only focused on Damari’s sister, I should be ok. 

 Turning away, I said, “I just wanted to check on her. From what I’ve heard, she’ll make a brilliant scientist someday. I’d hate to see that talent wasted.” 

 “Like that’ll happen. Misah knows what she wants,” Damari said with a snort. “What makes you think she’d make a mistake at her House naming ceremony?” 

 Damnit, even with the focus on a relative stranger, this conversation had quickly become as uncomfortable as the rest I’d held over the last two days. It wasn’t quite bad enough to break everything open again but- but- 

 After a moment of silence, a hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing it. 

 “Hey, you don’t have to answer that, you know,” Damari said. “I’ve heard about your House naming ceremony. Never got to pick, did ya? Ko took you away before you had the chance. Is that why you’re asking about Misah? Should I be scared that you’ll swoop down on her like Ko did with you?” 

 Damari had tried to play that last question off as a joke, but I’d heard the fear behind it, and oh, how it pained me. I couldn’t, however, let them know that I’d taken note of it. With a snort, I shook my head. 

 “From everything I’ve heard, Misah is entirely unsuited for House Kolb work, just like Baely, and besides that, I’m nowhere close to needing a replacement,” I said. “And while Ko may have condemned me to a life I never would have chosen, in many ways he also rescued me during my House naming ceremony. He gave me time and an opportunity that I didn’t know I needed.” 

 Why had I said that? Was I trying to turn myself into an emotional wreck again? 

 For some reason, though, I was... fine right now. I was…. calm, which was strange. The camaraderie I’d always found with Damari must be helping with centering me, keeping me from floundering, and after our many years together, I wanted to share a trait that was integral to me as breathing. The story had been begging me to tell it since I’d started it with Baely. 

 Obligingly, Damari asked, “What do you mean?” 

 Turning to my friend, I wondered if I was about to mess this up too. Someone I’d trusted had just proven how deeply into the grips of questionable morality she’d go to achieve her goals. What if my perception of Damari was similarly as colored? 

 I spoke up anyway. 

 “At my House naming ceremony, I planned on making an… unusual choice, which would have been a mistake at the time,” I said. “Because Ko showed up when he did, I got to make the choice I wanted without suffering disastrous consequences for it, although some might say that getting forced into the role of the Lokke Vitras is its own price.” 

 I’d never thought about it like that. Sure, this perspective didn’t change how horrible my House naming had been for me, but somehow, it made that event less… troubling. Less like something I’d want to avoid. 

 After giving me an odd look, Damari refocused on flying the Packhorse. 

 “Interesting. And complicated! Which is just like you,” they said. “So? If Ko hadn’t interrupted the ceremony, what would you have said back then? If you don’t mind me-” 

 “No House,” I interrupted, too impatient to let them finish. “I wouldn’t have picked a House. I wanted to be free, which in a very tangential sense, I am.” 

 Damari squeaked, and as if in response, the Packhorse jerked with its nose dipping toward the sea. This only lasted for a split second, though, as I quickly corrected our course, but then, I’d been prepared to do that from the moment I’d decided to share with them. 

 When I glanced at my friend, they were scrunched into their seat, turned toward me with their bugged-out eyes fixed on my face. 

 “You, the Lokke Vitras, aren’t aligned with House Kolb?” they managed to say. 

 Oh hell. Had I made a mistake? 

 “No. Technically, I don’t belong to any House,” I said, “although I have to put on the pretense of loyalty to Kolb. Appearances are everything in our world.” 

 Saying nothing, Damari continued to stare at me, and I’d begun to wonder if I’d need to fly us the rest of the way to Ibis when their body started shaking. Throwing their head back, they roared with laughter. 

 “Oh… that explains… so fucking much,” they gasped. “I shoulda seen it.” 

 “Um.” 

 I didn’t know what to say. Did they need comforting words from me? The idea that someone might defy the Houses would shatter most Lutovish’s world view. Considering that and how much people liked to stay away from uncomfortable things, Damari might need me to back off, distancing myself from them. Hell. Had I lost my only-? 

 Lunging forward, Damari grabbed my hands, and I barely suppressed my urge to jerk free of a possible hostile. I wasn’t sure why they insisted on pulling sudden moves like this on me. They knew I didn’t like them. But then, they squeezed my hands, focusing me on their earnest eyes. 

 “Relax. You haven’t lost me, and I’m definitely not gonna run, Zaeden,” they said. “You want me to do that, you’ll have to say something a lot scarier than you have.” 

 Oh, thank Mother Time. 

 When I nodded, they released me, and after an uncomfortable beat of silence, I shifted in place. 

 “So-” 

 “The Lokke Vitras without a House. It fits you well,” Damari says. “You really are amazing. Ya know that, right?” 

 Chuckling at the look on my face, they turned toward the horizon, gesturing at nothing. 

 “Now, give me control of my ship back, please and thank you.” 

 Once I’d done that, we returned to companionable silence. As the sun led the way in our race across the planet, I marveled at the fact that I’d had that conversation without my containing box rupturing. Given the subject matter, it should have done that. 

 Maybe I shouldn't question that too much. 

 When Ibis started marring the join of the water to the sky, Damari spoke up again. 

 “So, that’s why you’re worried about Misah? Nothing else?” they said. “I’ve noticed that House naming’s stress you out. Always wondered why but…” 

 They shrugged. 

 “I’ve recently learned that it’s because I project my own experience onto them,” is aid. 

 And had to wince at the admission. What did that say about me? 

 “Don’t worry, though. Your sister will be fine,” I continued. “How could she not be with a wonderful sibling like you?” 

 At that, I expected Damari to blush and wriggle in place, like they always did, but they bit their lip instead. 

 “I don’t know about that. In some ways, I’ve been horrible to her,” they said, “but that’s a topic for another time. No depressing conversations are allowed on my ship.” 

 Mm, avoidance. How well did I know the urge to indulge in it? 

 With a wry smile, I said, “Fair enough. On to another topic, then! Once we arrive in Flosa, can you stick around for a couple of days, or are you needed back home?” 

 “I have nothing waiting for me in Ibis, but I’d rather not wait,” Damari said. “Ibis makes me uncomfortable. Too… backwater. Too much…” 

 Trailing off, they looked away, and I nodded in understanding. I knew how much Damari needed their clean and orderly surroundings, and if they were using that as an excuse to avoid seeing examples of the abuse that Lutov daily rained on Ibis, I wouldn’t say a word about it. Leave that fight to the people who were strong enough to continue it. 

 How was I supposed to know what personal battles Damari struggled with every day? I couldn’t ask them to participate in another conflict, no matter how badly it might need its champions. 

 “All right,” I said. “I’ll send you a message when I’m getting close to extraction, then, although you shouldn’t feel pressured to pick me up. I can always go through a Travel Center, if needed.” 

 Rolling their eyes, Damari said, “I’ll pick you up, ya idiot. Just give me plenty of warning.” 

 “Can do,” I said. “Thanks, Damari.” 

 My friend made a noise in acknowledgment, but then, preparing for landing stole their attention. We didn’t have an opportunity to speak after that. Once the Packhorse had touched down, Damari got swept up in registering our arrival while I greeted Vaessa’s representative in the hangar. As I approached him, the man tensed up, and I internally sighed. This would be fun. 

 “Lokke Vitras, we weren’t expecting you,” he said. “What brings you to Ibis?” 

 “Nothing you need concern yourself with,” I said. “I’m only here to speak with your shukusen . I know the way to her office, so unless I need an escort…?” 

 Much as I hated it, I’d always found that the haughty approach worked best with members of House Vaessa. It didn’t hurt that this man looked ready to give me anything I wanted if it meant I’d leave him alone. Surprisingly, however, he hesitated. 

 “Please forgive me, Lokke Vitras, but shukusen Raelle is currently in Acova, treating with Acrar’s royal family,” he said. “She’s not expected back for a couple of days.” 

 Well, that had been a bald-faced lie. When I’d made a location request for Vaessa’s shukusen earlier, it had returned the query with Flosa, somewhere close by if the provided coordinates were correct. Given how widely known my skills were in Lutov, this man had to know I’d catch him in his lie. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to do with it, but for the moment, I’d play his game. Upsetting a shukusen wasn’t wise, especially when one meant to ask a favor of them. 

 “How unfortunate,” I said. “I’ll have to indulge in Flosari’s distractions until she’s ready to see me, then. I can’t wait to see what sort of mischief I can get up to.” 

 As I gave the man a sharp smile, he shivered before bowing. 

 “Please, enjoy yourself until then,” he said. 

 Forcing as much ice into my voice as I could, I said, “I will.” 

 I brushed past him before he could rise from his bow, heading into the city. Why didn’t Raelle want to see me? Did she know why I was here, and if so, did that mean she was part of a plot against Sanya? 

 Shaking my head, I rolled my shoulders, shrugging off thoughts of conspiracy. I couldn’t do anything to change my situation, not with so many Lutovish active in their headquarters right now. While I waited for them to head home, I should tackle the snarled ball of stress and worry that had been building in my chest. 

 So, I took a walk. 

 Of Ibis’ capital cities, Flosa was the one that tugged on my heartstrings the most, only matched by Kester in Crinas. Acrar’s Acova and Escad’s Daka were lovely places, testaments to their people’s creative spirit, and as with everything in hidden Ostiu, its capital, Zoln, was a wonder, one that stole my breath at times. On the other hand, Flosa and Kester only exemplified the squalid lifestyle that we Lutovish had forced onto the children of Ibis. 

 The narrow streets between the city’s buildings weren’t paved. Instead, they were mucky with waste trickling down them. Mother Time, the smell here had always threatened to send me running for the fresh air of the forest outside of the city, and the sick, starving, or drug-addled languished in alleys and doorsteps, crying out for a crust of bread from passersby. 

 They never did the same for me, falling silent as soon as they saw me. In fact, wherever I went here, I brought an aura of uneasy quiet with me, but for once, this wasn’t because of my role. No, the simple fact of my heritage disrupted these people’s lives, and I hated that, not that it was unwarranted. How else did one respond to an oppressor that one had no hope of resisting? 

 Still, though, I hated their fear because I’d been here before, whether in disguise or camouflaged, so I knew how persistently upbeat the children of Ibis typically were. Don’t get me wrong. They knew how horrible their lives were. It was written into the worry lines on their faces, but despite that, their relentless positivity shone through, and I found that—the refusal to give up —beautiful. 

 I wandered among the children of Ibis for a few hours, clearing my head and making plans, but as soon as a deep dark had settled over the city, I made my way back to Vaessa’s headquarters. Retrieving a camouflage disk from a pocket, I stuck it to the back of my neck before initiating its presented process. 

 I’d always thought of this infiltration method as cheating, a belief that Korix had drilled into me, but honestly? Why make the effort of devising a more convoluted plan when something simple would work, especially on such a casual ‘mission’? I wasn’t even sure if it qualified as a mission. 

 With the camouflage disk’s help, I strode down the hallways without trouble. Not many Vaessa members were in the building, but then, I’d expected that. After the various months that I’d spent in these people’s midst, I knew their habits well. 

 As always, dull surprise registered in me at the visual reminder of how plain this place was. Most of the Houses were lavish with their headquarters, showing off in a way. Even Zan’s headquarters in Ostiu was overly ostentatious, but this building was a warren of concrete tunnels and rooms. 

 On stepping into Raelle’s office, I disabled its recorders, locked the door, and removed my camouflage disk, all while working my jaw. Mother Time, I hated the buzz that thing always spread across my body. 

 While keeping an eye on the hall outside, I sat in the shukusen’s chair, searching her drawers for what I’d need, and once I’d found it, I spread a sheet of paper on the desk’s surface while magicking a pen into my hand. Setting its tip on the top line, I grinned at the look that I imagined would spread across Raelle’s face when she saw this.  

 Since few Lutovish outside of House Kolb knew how to write, most people found handwritten notes unnerving. I’d always enjoyed using them as an intimidation tactic. 

 My note was short and polite, but even still, Raelle should get the point. I knew she was avoiding me. I was also well within my rights to force a meeting with her when I liked, but I respected her enough to keep from doing that. She could decide when we’d talk, but that conversation would happen. 

 Finished, I left the office, sneaking out of headquarters as easily as I had with infiltrating it, and once outside, I rested my hands on my hips. What should I do while I waited? I could look into the disturbances that I’d mentioned to Talira but… 

 Why not take the break that I’d been offered instead? 

 “I wonder what Gretchen’s been up to lately,” I said. 

 Smirking at conjured memories, I shoved my hands into my pockets before ambling off with a whistle on my lips.

Chapter 48: I Should Have Explained by Now, Huh?
In the small room I’d rented, Gretchen and Luisa tangled ever tighter around each other, fighting to be the first to please her partner. Having already had my turn, I was watching this performance with someone’s arm—it was hard to tell whose—draped over me. I was still amazed at how many people we’d fit into such a small space. 

 From among our two ‘combatants’, muffled cursing emerged, and I grinned as Luisa cried out, arching her back off of the bed, quickly followed by Gretchen collapsing on her. As Damian and Andrea started whistling and clapping nearby, I melted further into the straw mattress, completely at ease. 

 It had been a good couple of days, mostly spent secluded from the world, and I’d enjoyed my time with these lovely people. I’d even learned a few new tricks from them, ones I’d love to try for myself if time allowed. In moments like this, my life’s complications drifted away from me. I was just a simple man, doing as he pleased, and nothing else. I wasn’t the Lokke Vitras. I wasn’t even ‘Zaeden’. I was just… me. 

 Raucous knocking brought that illusion crashing to a halt. While my companions giggled, I climbed off of the bed and dressed, wondering if Raelle had finally sent a summons for me. If it was her, though, why would she do it this way? Sending me a message would have been much easier. 

 Ah, well. Better to play it safe. Requesting my rifle, I hid it behind my back, ignoring how quiet the room had gone, and eased the door open.  

 Talira was on the other side. 

 “Shit,” I said. 

 What was she doing here? I’d never known my grandmother to leave Lutov, not once in the time I’d been alive, and she was here now? What did that mean? 

 Still, she hadn’t attacked me yet, so I dropped my rifle, noting when the children of Ibis gasped at its dematerialization. At the noise, Talira narrowed her eyes. 

 “Are there people with you?” she asked. 

 Sighing, I hung from the door, knowing she’d have seen the heat signatures behind it already. Why would she ask me about my companions when she already knew about them? 

 “What do you think?” I said. 

 Pursing her lips, Talira said, “Get rid of them. We need to talk.” 

 Yeah, that was what I’d thought. 

 Straightening from the door, I said, “Sure. I’ll need a minute, though.” 

 With a nod, Talira leaned against a wall with her arms crossed, and I bit back another sigh. It had been too much to hope for privacy. 

 When I turned back to my companions, I was walloped by the fear oozing from them. I wasn’t surprised by it, unfortunately. While we’d been in this place, nationality and identity had been left behind, and reminders that I hailed from Lutov must have been exceedingly jarring for them. Still, I had to soothe their fears, so with a wince, I raised my hands, spreading my fingers wide. 

 “I’m sorry to have ruined our fun,” I said in the Ibisian tongue, “but APPARENTLY, my grandmother needs to speak with me.” 

 When I made a face, my companions snorted or tried to hide their laughter, and I was relieved that my return to a care-free state had relaxed them, even if it had been an act on my part. 

 “I’m afraid I have to kick you out now,” I said. “Many apologies to you all.” 

 Much groaning and complaining ensued, but my companions got ready to leave, and as they went, each of them stopped for a quick kiss from me. Luisa and Gretchen were the last ones in the room, lingering for as long as they could. 

 I felt for them, truly. Flosari had an entrenched belief that sexual and romantic relationships should only exist between people of opposite genders, which I’d always found curious. Where could such an illogical belief have come from? No other nation in Ibis held to it, just as surely as Lutov didn’t, so what had spawned a belief that had led to such hatred here? 

 Neither Gretchen nor Luisa kissed me as I left, although I got bone-crushing hugs from them both, but I didn’t blame them for this. Not only was I not their type, but I didn’t invite them to gatherings like this for sex. I liked them for who they were and for that alone. I enjoyed their company, and if they got to spend time with the woman they loved while they were here, so much the better for it. 

 After they’d disappeared, I held the door open for Talira, who entered with a wrinkled nose. The expression seemed warranted, considering the room reeked of sex right now, but I didn’t open a window to air it out, latching the door instead. If I was right, this conversation would require the utmost of privacy. Why else would Talira have come looking for me in Flosa, a city unmonitored by recorders? 

 For a long moment, she examined the room before whirling on me with fire in her eyes. It only made her voice’s emptiness more skin-crawling when she said. 

 “What are you doing, fucking random Ibisians?” 

 That… had been harsher than normal for her. Why was she so upset? 

 Also, none of the people who’d just been here had been random . I’d known most of them for at least a few months, but I didn’t think pointing that out was going to help me with… whatever this was. 

 Lifting an eyebrow, I said, “Being myself? Is something wrong?” 

 Groaning, Talira threw her hands over her head. 

 “‘Is something wrong?’ he asks,” she said. “Of course there is! Mother Time, Zaeden. Our sterilization efforts among the Ibisians may be thorough, but sleeping with one can still result in consequences, if not progeny. What if Vaessa accuses you of giving more rations to those people than they were owed, throwing off the balance of power that the Houses have achieved here? Or what if one of your ‘companions’ learns a compromising secret during your time with them? They could blackmail you with it, and then, where would you be? Answer? Fucked because I certainly couldn’t help you with it.” 

 She paused to catch her breath, but I didn’t say a word in response. Something was going on here, something… strange. I’d never seen my grandmother so red-faced and yet expressionless, passionate and yet full of ice. Never mind how cutting her words had been so far. I was concerned about Talira, which was strange for me, and to this point, she’d at least refrained from questioning my character, if not my intelligence- 

 “And how, pray tell, could you take advantage of those people in the first place?” Talira said. “They probably thought they had to accept your advances, much like the Acrarish do. Hell, Zaeden, you-” 

 With one step, I was in Talira’s space, towering over her with my hands curled into fists. 

 “I am many despicable things, but a man who could abuse people as you’ve suggested is not one of them,” I said. 

 Mother Time, I could swear my breath had made icicles in the air there, and given how much Talira had flinched, she must have noticed it, but I wasn’t done. 

 “In the past, I’ve dated children of Ibis, as they prefer to be called, and grandmother mine? I know exactly how to go about doing it,” I said. “No matter how much we avoid talking about it, everyone in this room knew about the culture gap between us. They know that any relationship between us must always remain casual. They know that I’ll never share more about myself than my name and other, superficial details. This is the price that we both pay for courting someone on the other side of that unbreakable line, and I may hate it, but I abide by it, for the good of both parties. And of course, consent is always the foremost thing on my mind, something I do my utmost to establish well before anything intimate can happen between me and another person. Call me an idiot as much as you like, but never presume to think that I would ever have sex with someone who didn’t want it in return. Are we understood?” 

 As she realized exactly what she’d accused me of, something in Talira thawed, letting her features soften. 

 “Zae-zae,” she said, “I didn’t mean-” 

 “Are we understood?” I repeated, taking a step forward. 

 After closing her eyes for a moment, Talira looked up at me and nodded, and I relented, giving her space. Now that I’d driven the point home, there was no need to dwell on it. 

 “Now, what’s actually the matter?” I said. “You haven’t come into the field to berate me in a while.” 

 Sighing, Talira sank onto the bed, presumably forgetting about everything that had taken place there, but when she started scrubbing her face, I decided not to remind her about it. 

 “You should have listened to me,” she said. “I knew about Sanya’s plans, you know. I had a scheme in the works that would have defused the situation without anyone noticing, but now, with the two of you kicking up dust, it won’t work, and I… I’m afraid for her.” 

 Ah. That was… 

 Pinching the bridge of my nose, I crouched in front of Talira while rubbing one temple. 

 “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” I said. “I’d have dropped everything if you’d just said something.” 

 Granted, she had tried to warn me off… 

 As if reading my thoughts, Talira snapped, “You should have done as you were told without an explanation.” 

 Wow. What an unwarranted amount of hostility for a habit I’d always had. When I glared at her for it, she pulled her lips into an apologetic half-smile. 

 “As I should have known that would never have happened,” she said, “but I didn’t say anything because I’m protecting someone. I knew that if I shared my idea with you, you’d want to know more about it, and that would eventually have led to a revelation that no one’s ready for yet.” 

 She was right. I mean… look at me! Even as she’d been talking, I’d been mulling over how to ask about her plan. Now that I was no longer constrained by the role of student, that was just how I was, never content to let things lie. 

 Unless it was to keep someone safe. 

 “This person you’re trying to protect,” I said. “They’re important to you?” 

 “I love them as if they were my own child,” Talira said. 

 Considering how neglectful she’d always been with my father, I wasn’t sure if that was a ringing endorsement, but I’d take what she’d said at face value. 

 “Ok.” 

 Slapping my knees, I swiveled to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing my hands between my legs. 

 “I’ve ruined your plan, and I’m sorry about that,” I said. “How do we fix it?” 

 She’d have an answer for that question. Why else would she have come all the way across the water for this talk? She certainly wouldn’t have done it just to scold me. 

 “We make sure this vote passes in Sanya’s favor,” Talira said. “If it doesn’t, we work with her, hopefully forming another solution to our long-term problem.” 

 Glancing at her, I weakly smiled. 

 “The issue with our sun?” I said. 

 Nodding, Talira said, “That’s the one.” 

 With a laugh, I threw myself backward, bouncing when I landed on the straw mattress. 

 Draping an arm over my face, I said, “How have two impossible disasters already happened while I’ve been the Lokke Vitras?” 

 “I’m grateful that they’ve only started in recent years,” she said. “We didn’t have the right person in place until now.” 

 When I peeked under my elbow at her, my grandmother nodded, and I wished this lumpy mattress would finish eating me. There it was again, even a hundred years of mediocrity later. Why did people insist on holding me to such a high standard? I’d accepted that something was special about me. After the many times I’d had the fact shoved down my throat, how could I not? 

 I’d much rather prefer, however, if we ignored my so-called ‘exceptional nature’, at least for now. We could acknowledge it whenever it was actually needed. 

 “Can you get the votes we need?” Talira asked. 

 Groaning, I dropped my arm over my face again. 

 “Yes,” I said. “It would help if your fellow shukusenth would talk to me, though.” 

 “About that…” 

 I sat up in time to catch Talira waving toward me, and a second later, a message from shukusen Raelle popped into my array. 

 “I intercepted this after I got here, so any response you choose to give shouldn’t be too delayed,” Talira said. 

 Already halfway through reading the message, I leapt to my feet, gathering my belongings. I needed to get out of here, running to Vaessa’s headquarters before Raelle disappeared again. Before I could leave, however, Talira pulled me up short. 

 “Once we’re back in Lutov, we’ll have to return to formality,” she said. 

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “Perhaps, but we can enjoy the lack of recorders while we have it, yes?” 

 Nodding, Talira laced her fingers in her lap, staring at them, all while I itched to leave. I needed to finish planning out my conversation with Raelle, but clearly, my grandmother had something more to say. 

 “Zae-zae…” she eventually whispered. “Good luck. And I love you.” 

 For a moment, all I could do was blink at her. When was the last time she’d said that to me? I didn’t know how to handle those words from her. 

 “I… love you too,” I said. “I…” 

 Something else should go here. Right? 

 Snorting, Talira flapped a hand at me. 

 “Go,” she said. 

 Oh, thank Mother Time. 

 With a half-bow to her, I raced through the door and outside. My journey to Vaessa’s headquarters was spent ratcheting through ways I might secure Raelle’s vote. Her House wouldn’t gain much from Lutov’s return to space exploration, and I doubted an appeal to her morals would work, so I turned to what Cerullis could use as a bargaining chip. 

 Vaessa had always lusted after the satellites that Cerullis managed, seeing them as an efficient means of controlling Ibis’ population. Sanya could concede a few of them to Raelle, but I had problems with that idea. I wouldn’t put it past Vaessa to glass an Ibisian town, just for the fun of it. 

 Cerullis had plenty of other resources to trade, though. Surely, one of those would be enough. And perhaps I could figure out another way to sway Raelle’s opinion. 

 When I walked into Vaessa’s headquarters, no one greeted me, which was strange. It wasn’t totally out of the norm, though. If the members of a House knew I’d be visiting them ahead of schedule, they sometimes preferred to pretend I didn’t exist, although that only happened when they were unsure of my purpose there. So, I ignored these people’s skittish behavior, attributing it to their need to avoid me. 

 When I turned down a second corridor and the people in it scattered, however, it tripped my danger senses. Was this a trap? If so, had I been right? Was Raelle concocting a scheme to oppose Sanya? 

 Until I reached the shukusen’s office, I stayed on alert with my head on a swivel, but once outside of it, I forced myself to relax. Donning a carefree smile, I strode into the room. 

 But no one was inside. 

 Palming a knife, I scanned the office, noting no hostiles, but something in the desk quickly snagged my eye. A piece of paper had been tented on it—my note from before, I thought—and in blocky letters, a word had been scrawled across it: NO. 

 Well, fuck.

Chapter 49: An Unexpected Compatriot
“You must promise to keep this to yourself,” Orin said. 

 Having never seen Kirst’s shukusen so serious before, I inclined my head toward him, fighting not to frown. Would this meeting end with yet another rejection? 

 Since coming home yesterday, I’d been trying to figure out why shukusen Raelle had denied my unvoiced request, seemingly without provocation, but I’d come up with nothing. I had no clue how I’d pissed her off, which meant I couldn’t change her vote, and now that I was here, sitting across from Orin, I wondered if I was about to have a repeat performance. 

 Had I lost the ability to manipulate people? While on a personal level, such a loss would be exhilarating—how I’d love for a conversation to be unpredictable or to never need such disgusting tactics in the first place—it would be devastating for me as the Lokke Vitras. 

 Leaning forward, Orin beckoned me closer, and I obliged, queuing a request for my rifle in my array. I doubted he’d attack me, but it paid to be prepared. 

 With his eyes twinkling, Orin whispered, “I’ve always loved the stars, wanted to see them up close since I was a boy.” 

 Giggling, he sat back in his chair while I straightened with a grin. What a way to tell me that Sanya had his vote. 

 “May I share a secret in return?” I said. 

 When Orin spread his hands in front of him, I hid my face behind steepled fingers. 

 “I have a similar wish,” I said. “You should see my library back home. My partners and I have collected so many books about space…” 

 Orin’s mouth dropped open, and I firmly kept my own in a straight line— don’t smirk, don’t smirk! —until he closed his. 

 “That’s… wonderful!” he breathed. “Might I see it someday? I’d love to know if… but no. I could never intrude on the privacy of the Lokke Vitras.” 

 Exactly what privacy was that, pray tell? 

 “You’re welcome anytime,” I said. “Just give us some warning.” 

 “Well, then.” 

 Orin took a breath before slapping the arms of his chair. 

 “I’ve never been happier to take a meeting with you, Lokke Vitras,” he said. “I look forward to browsing your library soon.” 

 Finally, I let myself smile, reminded once more of how close this man came to the manipulation skills of House Kolb’s best. That had been the most subtle dismissal I’d heard in a while. There was a reason I’d always liked Orin. 

 Getting to my feet, I extended a hand. 

 “It was indeed a pleasure,” I said. “I’ll see you at the next assembly?” 

 “It should be interesting,” Orin said, giving the most neutral of answers to my indirect query. 

 But he squeezed my hand in reassurance. This let me travel to where I was meeting Feena with a bounce in my step. 

 The assembly in question would convene tomorrow afternoon, but still, evidence of it flurried across the park at the center of Xygek.  

 Somehow, the importance of this month’s meeting had spread across the city, and this had low and mid Strata scurrying between its towers, carrying messages and the like. 

 I’d received my own message from Korix after arriving in Lutov. Even as I’d thanked him for delaying with it so I could focus on Raelle, I’d opened it, reading its single line of ‘Good luck’ with a smile. Soon after that, Leski had requested a direct connection with me, and we’d worked through details for the next few days. Tomorrow, she’d be on standby in Kolb’s headquarters, in case things turned to shit. Knowing that she’d be nearby had calmed down my nerves about the meeting. 

 As I reached where I was meeting with Feena, I cocked my head at who was waiting there instead. That wasn’t my sister. 

 “Forgive me, Zaeden,” Sanya said. “Over the last few days, I’ve been keeping track of your progress. I thought you might pass this way, so I’ve been waiting here, hoping we could speak.” 

 “You could have sent me a message,” I said. 

 Sanya winced at how abrupt I’d been. 

 “True,” she said. “I didn’t want to attract attention from anyone who might be watching us by directly messaging you, but it appears that by coming here, I’ve still drawn eyes to us." 

 A lot of people were staring our way. Sighing, I waved for Sanya to follow me. 

 “Come on,” I said. “I know a place where we can talk.” 

 As we moved along, I sent Feena a message about the change in plans, although I was constantly aware of the ally-turned-enemy at my back as I did. What did she want to talk about? Did she expect an update on my work from this last week? I didn’t know if she deserved one, even if she had the leverage needed to extract one from me. Besides the single fact that I was working with her, I’d told Sanya about far too many of my sensitive issues over the years. With them, she could force me into a minor task for her, although nothing she had could pressure something drastic from me. 

 Given that, why hadn’t I been keeping her appeased? Even if I didn’t consider the personal details she knew about me, she’d had the formula for a deadly neurotoxin in her hands for the last twenty-five years. How many vats of it might she have produced in that time? 

 Hell, she could probably infect all of Lutov with it, and I’d just been… ignoring her, which was entirely out of character for me. Why had I done that? Was I truly that distracted? 

 As I turned into a bar, I tamped down on the surge of ugly emotions that those questions had spawned. They should be examined, yes, but first, I needed to navigate through the dark dive I’d led Sanya to. 

 Fortunately, this place’s proprietor was behind the bar, and as soon as she saw me coming, she reached for something behind the counter while I threw my arms over my head. 

 “Rane! How good to see you!” I shouted, loud and enthusiastic. 

 Emotional, like the once caretaker of The Library had always insisted I shouldn’t be. 

 Something whizzed toward me, and reflexively, I reached out to catch what Rana had thrown. Goodness. She’d been aiming for my face that time! As if unphased, I bounced a set of keys in the palm of my hand. 

 “Thaaaaanks, my dear!” I sang, already moving toward a door in the back. “My favorite Third Stratus. The best of barkeeps!” 

 I kept up the string of compliments as I headed across the bar, ignoring the eyes on me. It was better if these people were focused on me instead of Sanya. As soon as I was through the door, however, I dropped into my typical demeanor, which left the shukusen staring at me. 

 “What?” I said. 

 “I’ve never seen you working,” she said. “It’s…” 

 She had nothing else, but of course she didn’t. Most people didn’t. 

 Rolling my eyes, I said, “Trust me. I can do much more than act happy when I’m not.” 

 Before she could respond, I pushed through an old-fashioned door to our right, barely checking to make sure she’d come with me. She stopped short in the room’s threshold, not that I could blame her. 

 Decades ago, Rana had decided that she wanted to stay a barkeep, even without The Library to guard, and at the time of her new place’s construction, I’d asked her to set a space aside for me, an additional safe place I could go in case of emergency. While the requested space was tiny, it felt cozy rather than cramped. 

 What had likely stopped Sanya short, though, was the scenario that had started beaming from a holodrama plate when we’d entered. It was one of my more convincing ones, placing us in the middle of an interstellar nebula. 

 At first glance, it could be disorienting. Even with gravity keeping one firmly pinned to the ground, the scenario could make one feel as if they were drifting in the dust of a star’s birthing ground. 

 I ignored that disorientation, heading for the sideboard taking up far too much of the room’s space. 

 Gesturing to it, I said, “Drink?” 

 “I…” Sanya started before clearing her throat. “No, thank you.” 

 “Fair enough,” I said. “Make yourself comfortable, then.” 

 I turned to my task.

Chapter 50: We've Got This
While Sanya found a spot to sit amongst the pillows surrounding the holodrama plate, I poured myself a glass of water, working through why I’d been so upset with her earlier. Why had I been so illogical when it came to Sanya over the last week? It made no sense. 

 With my glass in hand, I joined the shukusen on the ground, noting her stiff posture. Taking a sip of water, I waved at her. 

 “Well?” 

 Sanya opened her mouth before looking away, examining the billowing clouds of hydrogen and helium around us. 

 Waving at it, she said, “You never faked your enthusiasm about our work together, did you?” 

 That question pulled my lips tight. 

 “Never,” I said. 

 Nodding, Sanya said, “It’s sad, really. Given that and… other things I know about you, we could have been good friends, if not for recent events.” 

 I let a surge of hurt wash over me, even as I considered why I was having such a strange reaction to what she’d said. Friends? Us? The only friend I’d had in my life was Damari but… but… 

 I’d been starting to think of her as one too. Shit. That was what was happening. I… I was mad at her because she’d hurt me. 

 Wow. That hadn’t happened in a while. I didn’t usually let people get close enough for them to have a chance at it. When I said nothing, too busy grappling with this dawning realization, Sanya shook her head. 

 “You probably don’t feel the same way, which is fine,” she said. “I’m aware that a relationship between a shukusen and a First Stratus, beyond one that concerns House business, is difficult to comprehend but-” 

 “And yet, you’ve had no trouble with starting something far more intimate with your own First Stratus,” I said, barely keeping myself from snapping at her. 

 As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back. Why had I revealed that I knew about those two’s relationship? 

 “That… was uncalled for,” I said into the dead silence. 

 Sanya, however, just shook her head. 

 “Somehow, I’m not surprised you know about us,” she said. “Have you told anyone else?” 

 “Why would I?” I said. “Your personal relationship has no chance of endangering Lutov. Beyond that, it’s none of my business.” 

 Nodding, Sanya stared at her hands before inclining her head toward the sideboard. 

 “I’ll take that drink now, if you don’t mind,” she said. 

 “Go ahead.” 

 While she made herself something, I wondered where the hell Feena was. I needed her to rescue me from this increasingly uncomfortable conversation. 

 I’d also like to know how her meeting with Marza had gone. By a fluke chance, the shukusen had scheduled it at the same time as mine with Orin, and I couldn’t help but worry about how much longer Feena’s meeting was running. Sure, mine had been short because of Orin’s easy concession to my request but even still… 

 Sanya sat across from me once more, and after a couple of gulps from her glass, she set it down so she could meet my eyes. 

 “I want to explain something,” she said. 

 Hadn’t she been doing that enough lately? I didn’t know if I wanted to hear more of her excuses, but I didn’t have a polite way to stop her right now. 

 “Go ahead,” I gruffly said. 

 With a nod, Sanya steeled herself. 

 “Lutov’s resistance to reinstating a space program is impossibly strong,” she said. “You know this as well as I do, but I’m restating it now so you’ll understand.” 

 She had no idea how much I got that fact. 

 “I’ve known about the problem with our sun since I inherited the position of Cerullis’ shukusen from Alezand,” Sanya continued, “but it had been a known quantity for a while before then too. During his time leading my House, Alezand ignored the problem, relegating it to lower Strata who could monitor it. 

 “I, however, couldn’t do the same. I tried for decades to get someone’s attention about it, always working within our legal system as I did, but always, I was rejected. In the early days, I even tried floating some requests for aid your way, but considering I never received a response, I think you ignored them. Not that I can blame you. I know why Cerullis took such a lower priority for you after the Ancients Crisis.” 

 She paused to take a sip of her drink, and while she did that, I closed my eyes, wanting to reach through time so I could shout at my younger self. How greatly had I contributed to this current tangle? By the time Sanya had returned her glass to the floor, though, I’d donned a neutral expression again. 

 “I continued like this for eighty years, fighting our people’s stubbornness by any means I could, although I tried to keep myself safe as well,” she said. “After so long with nothing changing, I realized that only dramatic action would get other people to see the danger we’re in.  

 "So, I started planning. I had Teag contact Arion, beginning the development of the tool that would make Lutov see, and all the while, I hoped that my legal efforts would miraculously work. Then, House Zan went through its changing of the guard, and shortly after that, you contacted me, saying you wanted to learn about my work. 

 “I don’t know what changed your mind about Cerullis, but I’m glad it happened, even if that change came too late. I’ve enjoyed working with you for the last twenty-five years. It’s given me hope that my drastic solution might not be needed, even if I never stopped working on it. 

 “That’s what I wanted to tell you, Zaeden. I am deeply sorry that I didn’t share any of this with you before now. I was afraid. I have… past experience with violent men, which has made me wary of even those who seem as virtuous as you, but that’s no excuse. I hope this apology hasn’t come too late to mend fences, but if it has, I’m thankful that you’ve continued working with me, even with how much I’ve damaged what once lay between us. And… that’s all.” 

 She looked to me for a response, but I didn’t have one. That had been a good speech, clearly rehearsed but also heartfelt. Had it been enough to earn my forgiveness? 

 All of this flashed through my head while I wrestled down a laughing fit. Sanya had been fighting our society like a she-demon because she hated how it worked. How highly could I relate to that? In recent years, how often had I contemplated taking drastic measures, all in the hope of making the slightest of changes? It was like she’d been testing the water for me, and I didn’t know what to think about that. 

 Behind me, the door opened with Feena walking through it, and with an exasperated click of her tongue, she locked it behind her. 

 “What’s she doing here?” she said. 

 “Apologizing,” I said. “Showing me she’s as human as anyone else, but she’s also strong enough to admit her mistakes.” 

 Apparently, Sanya’s speech had been enough for me. 

 “Oh. Well, that’s all right, then,” Feena sarcastically said with a huff. 

 An apology would never be enough for my sister, though. 

 “If you’d like, I can go…?” Sanya said. 

 She started getting up, only stopping when I touched her knee. 

 “No,” I said. “I’d rather not have two debriefs. If you wouldn’t mind staying for one of those, of course.” 

 “Why would I mind that?” Sanya said. 

 Meanwhile, Feena made a disgruntled noise as she flopped onto the ground beside me. 

 “Yes, I’m fine with it too,” she said. “Thanks for asking.” 

 Rolling my eyes, I handed her my glass. 

 “Here. This should make you feel better,” I said. 

 Sighing, Feena relaxed, sipping from the glass, but then, she froze. 

 “This is water,” she said over its rim. 

 “Indeed,” I said. “You looked dehydrated.” 

 Feena stared at me for a moment before throwing the glass’s contents into my face, and laughing, I blinked through water while she made herself a proper drink. After she used each glass and decanter, she slammed them back down, punctuating each of those noises with a word. 

 “You are an asshole.” 

 This only made me laugh harder. Through my hilarity, I was dimly aware of Sanya watching us with a smile, and I was glad that she hadn’t let yet another glimpse of my humanity rankle her. Eventually, Feena retook her seat, glaring at Sanya as she sipped at her drink. I decided to step in before the tension between them unraveled into something unpleasant. 

 “Right!” I said. “Feena, what did cranky, old Marza say?” 

 My sister gave me a scandalized glance. 

 “Zae, you can’t say things like that about a shukusen,” she said. 

 “I can when no one’s spying on me,” I said. “There’s a reason this room is so old-fashioned in style. No tech in this place! Besides the holodrama plate, of course, but it’s cut off from the network. I doubt anyone here has loosened the security processes that keep their arrays safe so… nothing to worry about.” 

 “Why-?” 

 When we swiveled our heads to her, Sanya cut off, blushing, but I raised an eyebrow, which forced her to continue. 

 “Why would you do any of that?” 

 “He’s the Lokke Vitras, of course,” Feena said before I could. “Or as our brother would put it, ‘Zae thinks with his House Kolb brain too much’.” 

 The reminder of my brother made me wince, and squinting one eye, I faced Feena. 

 “How is Phen?” I asked. 

 “Oh, fine. Busy. Hardly had time for me this week,” Feena said. “We have his vote, even if he seemed annoyed that you weren’t the one asking for it.” 

 “If Zaeden had done that, thought, it would have been disastrous.” 

 With our gazes again locked on her, Sanya raised her hands. 

 “What?” she said. “Someone would have to be blind to miss the antagonism between you two.” 

 Hell. I’d known that was pretty obvious to anyone paying attention, but still, having proof of it hurt. 

 As I swallowed the lump in my throat, Feena bumped her shoulder into mine. 

 “Moving on!” she said. “You asked about Marza, right?” 

 “Yes,” I said. 

 And if my voice had been thick while speaking that word, neither of my companions commented on it. 

 “She wouldn’t give me a straight answer. Kept talking in circles,” Feena said, “but I’m fairly certain she’s with us. Which leaves Raelle and Orin.” 

 The floor was handed to me, but I was ready for it now. 

 Leaning into the pillows, I said, “Orin’s vote is probably ours. He seemed rather eager to approve Cerullis’ proposal, in fact, but Raelle is against us.” 

 With a snort, Feena started snickering into a hand. 

 “How did you let that happen?” she gasped. 

 Narrowing my eyes at her, I crossed my arms. 

 “Have you ever had to get a hostile stranger to agree with you, especially when you’ve had little time to prepare the way? Doing it is close to impossible, not that I didn’t try,” I said. “I’ve been thinking of ways to change her mind since returning to Lutov, but I don’t have the leverage or the angle needed to bring her around. Never have figured out why she’s always been so  negative toward me.” 

 “Oh, that’s easy!” Sanya said. “Raelle hates you. You have no idea how often I’ve had to listen while she’s complained about your work with the advocates for Ibisian rights.” 

 For a moment, I stared at the shukusen —how had she figured that out before me?—before collapsing into the pillows with my hands slapped to my face. 

 “Of course that’s why,” I groaned. 

 How had I not seen it? 

 “Come on, Zae. You had to know your political hobbies would bite you in the ass someday,” Feena said. 

 “I did,” I said through my fingers. “Didn’t think it would be over something like this, though.” 

 Shaking my head, I pried myself off of the floor while letting my hands fall into my lap. 

 “Not that Raelle’s vote should make a difference,” I said. “From what we’ve learned, we have four definite yeses, one maybe, and one no. Even if someone changes their mind at the last minute, the vote tomorrow should land well in our favor, which is a good result after a week of hard work.” 

 And it had been hard work. Scrambling across the globe, working through the system to get meetings with the shukusenth, walking the delicate line between asking for a vote and demanding it as the Lokke Vitras? These things were exhausting for me, which wasn’t to say that I hated them. I simply found problems that required a gun much easier to handle. 

 Flashing a smile at me, Feena said, “Definitely. Should we share a drink to celebrate? Sure, nothing’s set in stone yet but…” 

 While she spread her arms wide, Sanya cleared her throat. 

 “Isn’t… isn’t that bad luck?” she asked. 

 I exchanged a glance with Feena. 

 “There’s no such thing as luck,” I said, “only the circumstances that you create, whether for good or ill.” 

 Even saying that, I knew we shouldn’t be congratulating each other yet. I’d had too many guaranteed missions go sideways to think indulging in a celebration was a good idea, but what was the harm in simply acknowledging the work we’d done so far? 

 “All right,” Sanya said. 

 She still seemed nervous, but then, that was how she’d always been. I could only do so much to help her with it. 

 “Wonderful,” I said. 

 Given how badly I once more needed a break from my work, I couldn’t wait to get this celebration started. When I began climbing to my feet, though, Feena pressed a hand into my shoulder, keeping me on the ground. 

 “If you make us drinks, you’ll just pour yourself another glass of water,” she said. “I understand why you so rarely drink nowadays, but you need to learn when relaxing that practice is a good idea.” 

 Sighing, I nodded for her to get on with it, and after patting my arm, she left me and Sanya in a bubble of relative isolation. The shukusen kept picking at her clothes, grimacing every so often, and watching this, I felt the need to comfort her, even knowing how uncertain things were between us. 

 “Even if tomorrow doesn’t go our way, I’ll keep working with you until we’ve fixed this problem. You won’t have to deal with the consequences for your actions until it’s done,” I said. “You know that, right?” 

 With her nervous habit falling still, Sanya glanced at me while a sad smile spread across her face. 

 “I know,” she said. 

 Something about her response had felt… off to me, but before a sense of unease could finish clawing its way into my mind, Feena handed out drinks, and we descended into a night of drunken camaraderie.

Chapter 51: Or We Don't
I hated assemblies. I might have mentioned this before, but it was doubly true today. 

 Tension was rife in the air with the shukusenth, First Strata, and their aides standing in clumps around the room. As soon as the assembly began, House Kolb members would usher that last grouping out, but for now, they talked with the others, occasionally shooting glances at Sanya, Talira, or me. Today could be a historic day, after all, and we were the ones leading the charge into the unknown. 

 Stopping beside me, Talira touched my elbow. 

 “Relax,” she said through the teeth of her smile. “Right now, no one else will notice how tense you are, but someone will see it soon. Out of us all, you have to look the most confident today.” 

 Damnit. When had I fallen out of mission mode? 

 “I know that,” I said, “but thank you for the reminder, my s hukusen.” 

 Nodding, Talira let her hand slip off of me. 

 “How much longer should we let them stew, do you think?” she asked. 

 With my head cocked, I took in the room’s drawn-together shoulders, darting eyes, and chewed-on lips. 

 “Not much longer,” I said. “Maybe make one more stir of the pot? If you think that’s wise.” 

 “I do.” 

 Striding off, Talira put on a bright face as she approached the clump with shukusen Marza at its center, but I stayed where I was, standing behind my shukusen’s assigned chair with an easy smile in place. I severely missed Leski, Korix, and even Damari in this moment. The last twenty-five years had spoiled me. I’d gotten used to having an ally at my back on shaky missions. 

 And this one was shaky. It didn’t matter that we had the votes needed to see Cerullis’ proposal pass. It didn’t matter that a failure today would have little consequence for me or Lutov, becoming a minor setback instead. Since I’d woken up this morning, an acute sense of danger had been hovering over me, and I couldn’t pinpoint what was causing it, the same as I couldn’t shake it. 

 Then, Talira was moving toward me, and I pulled out her chair while the other First Strata did the same for their superiors. As always, Pheniks was seated to Talira’s right, the customary placement of Zan’s shukusen . Mother Time help us if we forsook that tradition to ease the current tension between Zan and Kolb. 

 Talira had never forgiven my brother for forcing her into approving his current placement, but unlike with me, she didn’t have constant contact with him to help her forget it. Instead, it had been left to simmer for over two decades. During the few times when they were together, I’d always done my best to ignore the conflict between them, dipping my head to Pheniks as he sat instead. He returned the gesture, but then, he turned away, and that was it. He’d never shown me warmth when playing the role of shukusen . 

 Once the last of them had sat down, Talira folded her hands on the table. 

 “I call this assembly to order,” she said. “Does anyone have an item to discuss?” 

 Without another word, everyone turned their attention to Sanya, and I had to smile. Sure, she had Teag’s hand on her shoulder, helping to steady her, but she faced the other five leaders of Lutov with such fierceness, only emphasized by the afternoon’s orange-tinted light around her. 

 “I won’t be rude enough to assume that you don’t know what my House has proposed,” she said with flint in her voice. 

 And Mother Time, if it didn’t make my heart swell on hearing it. Sanya had gone from a timid thing to this picture of defiance, and I found it breathtaking. What would I do when I must deliver punishment for everything she’d done? 

 “Our planet’s plight should be clear to you. I’ve brought it to your attention often enough that I’d be shocked if it isn’t, but for years, the problem has been ignored. I would like to change this,” Sanya continued. “My House is requesting the resources we need to establish a space program. Its primary aim would be to get our people off-plant, but in the future, I’d like to usher spacecraft through the Pinpoint so we can study the alien structure that’s destabilizing our sun. Our end goal would be to disable it. Given that the Houses have likely discussed this proposal extensively over the last week, I’d ask that we skip the tedium of a debate and get straight to a vote. Does anyone object?” 

 Sanya glanced around the table, and when no one said a word, she inclined her head to Talira. 

 “Then, I pass control back to this assembly’s Head,” she said. 

 And everyone ‘s heads rocketed to Talira. Now that the lengthy speech to introduce a topic was complete, it seemed we were all eager to quickly resolve it. 

 With an easy smile, Talira said, “All thanks to the shukusen for bringing this urgent matter to light. For the vote, Kolb casts in Cerullis’ favor.” 

 Not that this was a surprise, given how much I’d been advocating for it. Still, it lit a glow in my heart that my grandmother had followed my lead in this matter. 

 The room’s attention drifted to Orin, on Talira’s left. 

 “Kirst casts in favor,” he said. 

 Well, thank Mother Time. I could still read people. Perhaps feeling my eyes on him, Orin shot a quick grin at me before turning to the woman at his side. 

 Inspecting her fingernails, shukusen Marza said, “Drav casts against.” 

 That caused a stir. Since their specialties were so similar, Drav and Kirst’s shukusen rarely ever disagreed on an issue, and seeing it happen now was a surprise, to say the least. Still, her contradictory vote wasn’t a disaster, so as attention fixed on Sanya, I gave her an encouraging nod. 

 “Cerullis casts in favor, of course,” she said, smiling at me. 

 So, she hadn’t lost her confidence. That was good because another known factor would soon be added to the pool. 

 “Vaessa casts against,” Raelle said. 

 Of course she did. Her vote had been so predicable that I was looking at Pheniks before she was done speaking. With her vote, that woman could potentially be dooming our planet to destruction, and she was doing it solely because she didn’t like me. Why should I honor her with a shred of my attention? 

 When it came to Pheniks, however, I had no doubt that he’d make the right decision. Even if family loyalty no longer guided him, I knew he was interested in Cerullis’ proposed space program, and Pheniks didn’t cast aside the things he found appealing. 

 So, when he met my eyes, I resisted the urge to make a silly face at him, smiling instead. Rather than matching this, my brother kept his mouth in a flat line, and steadily holding my gaze, he said. 

 “Zan casts against.” 

 At those words, time froze for me. I felt the smile slipping off of my face, much like I could hear silence thickening the air around me, but I was still trapped in my head, hearing Pheniks’ words bounce in it. I couldn’t have heard that right. It couldn’t… couldn’t be right. 

 But then, Pheniks smirked—did he think this was a game? —and I knew there had been no mistake. 

 “Well. A split vote,” Talira said. “We’ll have to revisit Cerullis’ proposal next month-” 

 A strangled shriek interrupted her. Slapping her hands on the table, Sanya shot to her feet, breathing hard, and when she lifted her face to the room, tears were streaming out of her eyes. 

 “I didn’t want to do this,” she said. 

 She looked at me with such pleading on her face, and as she drew another breath, one that caught on a sob, I requested my rifle. 

 “Teag,” she said. 

 “Yes, my shukusen,” Teag said. 

 He swiped his fingers through the air the instant before my rifle’s energy bolt took him in the head. 

 Maybe he dropped to the floor. Maybe the other First Strata and shukusen started screaming while ducking under the table. If they did, I didn’t notice. Having already taken note of Talira at my side, lifting her own weapon, I was already in my array, searching for what had changed, besides the obvious. 

 Because something had. I could feel it. A buzz in my ears. A hum in the air. What was that? 

 “Sanya, what have you done?” Talira snapped. 

 “What I had to,” Sanya choked out. 

 I didn’t know how she was still standing. If someone I loved had been killed because of my orders, I would be a sobbing mess on the floor right now, huddling over their body. I would be incoherent . So, how did Sanya, someone who was less well-versed in emotional control, only have a tremble in her hands as she pushed away from the table? 

 “This assembly has proven me right. Logic won’t convince you about what must be done,” she said. “If having the vaunted Lokke Vitras’ backing won’t work, that what will?” 

 The other shukusenth and First Strata had started peeking back into view, and the cold smile that Sanya rained down on them as a result at them shivering. 

 “Perhaps a threat,” she said. 

 And her voice was ice. 

 “Right now, there’s a neurotoxin circulating through the air around us, tweaked to nullify our array’s healing ability,” she continued. “Go on. Verify what I’m saying, if you like.” 

 I didn’t need to. I could already see my array’s report on the chemical invading my bloodstream, just as I knew that the hiss I’d heard earlier had been a vat, releasing its contents. 

 “Over the course of several days, this neurotoxin will work its way through your bodies, dissolving your nerves until all that’s left of you is a pain-swamped brain, trapped in a body it can’t manipulate. If you’re very lucky, your organs will give out before then.” Sanya said before twisting her lips into a pained smile. "More vats of this toxin have been placed in the most densely populated sectors of Xygek. Some will have already unleashed their contents, but others will be held in reserve, to be secured once I’ve gotten what I need to save us all.” 

 She paused, letting her audience process what she’d said before making her demand. 

 “Give me what I want. Guarantee that Cerullis will get the resources we need to demolish the alien structure that’s threatening us all, and I will provide you with the antidote for the poison in your systems. And before anyone here gets any smart ideas, the formula for that is only located here.” 

 Sanya held her fingers to her head in the shape of a gun before pulling the metaphorical trigger. 

 “According to my calculations, you have about 2.3 weeks to make your decision or stop what I’ve done, if you can. I trust you’ll be quick about it.” 

 Without another word, she spun, storming out of the room, and didn’t once look at the body at her feet. Someone would need to clean that up before people started freaking out. 

 But I supposed they were already going to do that. As the room erupted into a cacophony of noise, I could only stand in place, staring at the door that Sanya had disappeared through. What had just happened? I couldn’t… 

 Rapidly blinking, I tried to focus, even if wading through my muddled brain seemed… impossible right now. Apparently, my danger sense—going off since this morning—had been right. When would I start listening to it? 

 And when would the people around me stop shouting? Couldn’t they see I was trying to…? 

 Why were they looking at me like that? 

 Wait. This feeling was familiar. Something similar to it had assaulted me a few days ago, when Baely had told me about her House naming ceremony. Was I in shock? 

 Sharp pressure on my arm had me turning to Talira. With her fingers pinching into me, she was red-faced, and something wild was in her eyes. 

 “What are you doing?” she hissed. “Go after her.” 

 Oh. Right. 

 Shaking myself, I took off running, tearing after a woman who’d become the worst traitor Lutov had ever seen.

Addendum
I don’t have much to say this time. I’m sorry, Elliot. Even remembering this part of my life takes a lot out of me, so talking about it… 

 Even still, you need to know what happened. These years were formative for me, the same as with the Ancients Crisis, and after learning about them, you might understand the reasons behind what I did to you. 

 As with my retelling of the Ancients Crisis, though, I’ve again left you on a cliffhanger, one that seems so reminiscent of what happened back then. Mother Time, when will I learn? 

 Anyway, I’m sorry for that too, but this truly is the best place for me to pause the story. Everything after it… 

 It will change your opinion of me. I hope that it doesn’t, but still, I know that hope is foolish. 

 Sometimes, I wonder if recording these tales will be the right thing for you, you know. Will this memoir help you, as I hope, or will it send you into a dark place that no one can rescue you from? Every time this question haunts me, I think back to a loss I went through, one similar to what you’re experiencing now. In the weeks and months after it, I’d have given anything —and I do mean anything—just to hear his voice again, and knowing how alike we are, I think you’ll be the same. 

 If you’re not, then at least I can rest easy in the knowledge that one of your friends will take this away before we get to the worst parts. 

 Speaking of which, we should do that. My dumbass self is about to run after shukusen Sanya, and we get to follow him.

Chapter 52: Explain Yourself
It was too loud in this room. Around me, shukusenth and First Strata filled the air with their shouting, and as always, my far too observant brain tried to pick their words apart. 

 “Yes, she was telling the truth about the neurotoxin, you ignorant-” 

 “-playing at? Does that bitch think intimidation will-?” 

 “Was Kolb in on this? The Lokke Vitras has seemed supportive of her in recent-” 

 “Don’t be silly! He’s the-” 

 Each phrase rolled through my brain, to be analyzed and cached, and I was barely keeping ahead of the tide, fighting to… to stay here. Maybe if I could move my focus elsewhere, I could do that. What had helped with this in the past? 

 Right. Analyzing what had happened. 

 Unlike what one First Stratus had suggested, I hadn’t known about shukusen Sanya’s plan to poison us. No, the truth of this disaster was much worse. I’d trusted her, helping her with the proposal that had brought us here today and because of this, Lutov’s leaders had been infected with a neurotoxin while the threat of further contamination ate at the walls I’d raised around myself. 

 I’d made a gigantic mistake. And the Lokke Vitras did not make mistakes. 

 One by one, the room’s occupants turned toward me, but before everyone’s attention could zero on my presence, Talira grabbed my arm. She looked… upset. Flushed. A little addled. I couldn’t think of the right words to describe her. 

 I did think I was suffering from a mild case of shock right now, though. 

 Pinching her grip on me, Talira hissed, “What are you doing? Go after her.” 

 One blink later, her words registered, and I nearly groaned aloud at my stupidity. Instead of doing that, though, I shook Talira off and sprinted out of the room. How had I let myself get cast so far adrift? 

 Fortunately, shukusen Sanya—was she still a shukusen? —hadn’t gotten far. Collapsed into a windowed wall, she had a hand clamped over her mouth, barely muffling her sobs, and as I approached, I wondered if Teag’s death had finally caught up with her. He’d been her lover, and she’d just left his body behind. 

 That theory got discarded when I could make out what she was saying. 

 “WhathaveIdoneWhathaveIdone?” 

 I didn’t know if that was a better or worse source for her distress. 

 “Sanya,” I said once I was close enough. 

 I wasn’t sure why I’d given her a warning that I was coming. After what she’d done, she’d become my enemy—she had to be, had to be —but I couldn’t see her as anything less than an ally still. Someone I… cared for, in a way. 

 At the sound of my voice, she stiffened, whirling on me with her face arranged into a calm mask. 

 “Lokke Vitras,” she said, “I thought you might come after me.” 

 “Then you know I have only one thing to say to you,” I said. 

 Sanya lifted an eyebrow as if I’d done something amusing. 

 “Do you mean ‘why’? I could ask a similar question of you,” she said. “Why haven’t you allied with me? I know a part of you wants to. Why haven’t you listened to it? And why have you murdered my- my First Stratus? He was only following my orders.” 

 Almost, her mask slipped there, but I ignored that. Growling, I took a step closer, which had Sanya darting her eyes to the rifle I was holding. Was she scared that I might shoot her? 

 Good. 

 “His name was Teag,” I snapped. “At least I have the decency to use the name of the man you loved, Sanya.” 

 This was, in part, why I was shaking like a leaf right now, even through mission mode’s freezing bonds. Sanya might not know it, but we fought a similar battle against our society. The difference was that in that battle, I would never put my loved ones in mortal danger like she had. What had she thought would happen after she’d ordered Teag to release her neurotoxin? 

 Maybe she hadn’t thought that part of her plan through, though. I should find out. 

 “How did you think I’d respond after you made Teag a threat while I was standing in the fucking room?” I said. “I didn’t know what his orders were, only that they would likely put people in danger, and with the way things were going, I wouldn’t have had time to incapacitate him. So, I eliminated the threat, something that Talira would have done in my stead if I’d refrained from it. Not that I need to explain myself after what you’ve done.” 

 Bristling, Sanya said, “At least I’ve tried to make our world a better place! I’ll you’ve ever done is perpetuate a stagnant system, one that not only oppresses an entire population but does much worse on a daily basis, most honorable Lokke Vitras.” 

 The mocking in those last few words should have slid off of my back. I was in mission mode, mostly closed off from my emotions, and similar things had been said to me before. 

 Instead, I jerked my rifle up and pressed it against her forehead, right where I’d shot Teag earlier. 

 “I am trying,” I hissed, “to peacefully change Lutov from the inside. I can’t help it that the least harmful path to my goal will also take the most time.” 

 Something in Sanya’s expression changed, and as she reached up to touch my wrist, she looked at me with such pity. 

 “Zaeden, significant change only comes through chaos,” she said. 

 And everything stiffened. My shoulders, suddenly rising for my ears. The muscles around my eyes, making them twitch. My finger on the trigger. Fortunately, that didn’t tighten enough to send an energy bolt carving through Sanya’s head. 

 I didn’t understand why this was happening. Sure, a tiny part of my mind was screaming at Sanya about how every life, even those that some might consider evil, was precious, and I must do everything I could to save the ones I had any control over, but that piece of me shouldn’t matter. What I felt could never matter, especially when I was facing the beginning of yet another shitshow. 

 So, taking a deep breath, I lowered my arm. 

 “We can’t argue about this,” I said. “Please, Sanya. Work with me to fix this mess. Give me the formula for the antidote that we need, and I’ll do my best to make sure you aren’t exiled.” 

 With a grim smile, Sanya said, “Why would I do that? I have you and the others where I want you. So, instead of stabilizing the status quo yet again, why don’t you help me? Let’s change everything that’s rotten about Lutov.” 

 I’d like to. Oh, how I’d like to. But… 

 “This isn’t the way,” I said. “If you won’t help me with fixing this, then you’ll be nothing more than a threat to me.” 

 And not five minutes ago, she’d had a potent example of what I did to threats. 

 Sanya slowly shook her head. 

 “I wouldn’t hurt me if I were you,” she said. “The key to the antidote is only found here, remember?” 

 When she tapped her temple, I laughed, cold and empty. 

 “You think you’re the only brilliant scientist in Lutov?” I said. “I doubt this antidote is so difficult to formulate that no one else can do it, especially in the time you’ve given us.” 

 “But you can’t take that chance,” Sany said on my words’ heel. “As me why not.” 

 Unfortunately, I knew the look she was giving me now. Sanya was sure she’d won, but instead of gloating like most victors did, she just looked sad. Then again, that had been a theme throughout this conversation. 

 Reluctantly, I said, “Why not?” 

 “A little over a week ago, you went on a mission, tracking down a member of House Kirst who was smuggling contraband across the Southern Fells,” Sanya said. “From what I’ve heard, he severely hurt you before you killed him.” 

 How had she heard about that? The only people who knew about my recent mishap were the various members of my family and Damari, none of whom would have let this information slip. They knew the Lokke Vitras must remain indomitable. 

 Maybe my target on that mission had sent a message before he’d died, though. That could explain it. Maybe. 

 “What about it?” I stiffly said. 

 “That man was one of mine. He was smuggling a vat of neurotoxin to a concealed location near your estate, and before you killed him, he succeeded in his mission,” Sanya said. “Your family’s been infected, Zaeden.” 

 There was a beat of quiet as her words washed over me. 

 Then, I grabbed her arm, twisting her so I could pull the limb up her back. Pinning her in place, I ground her head into the window while retrieving a knife, and I dug its blade into the fabric covering her ribs. No energy bolt for this foe. I’d make her death slow. 

 Sanya, however, only laughed, or she did so as much as she could. 

 “There it is,” she gasped. “Now, I’m your enemy.” 

 She was right. To this point, the Sanya I’d grown to know—timid, resilient, fierce when it counted—had been overlaying the desperate woman in front of me now. I hadn’t wanted to let go of my… friend, but with this, she’d forced me to. 

 “No one hurts my family,” I hissed. 

 Nodding with difficulty, Sanya said, “I know. That’s good. I’ll need you to stop me, after all, but not yet. So, think about what you’re doing.” 

 Ending a threat to Lutov and the people I loved. Keeping them safe by… by erasing a possible means to cure them. 

 Closing my eyes, I let air seep through my teeth before stepping back, and Sanya peeled herself off of the window, straightening her clothes. After a moment, the fire in my gut had been contained, and I met Sanya’s gaze. 

 “I won’t stop looking for another way,” I told her. 

 I wasn’t sure if that had been about finding an antidote or changing Lutov, but Sanya glanced up at me with a knowing grin regardless. 

 “I hope you find one,” she said. 

 With nothing else, she started for a lift, but before she reached it, she called over her shoulder. 

 “I’ll be in touch.” 

 Then, she was gone. Hanging my head, I rested my hands on my hips, considering everything that had happened. 

 “Mother Time damn it all,” I whispered.

Chapter 53: Crisis Mode
Turning on my heel, I headed back toward a room full of self-important people, all of whom were furious with me. I hadn’t gotten far before a message from Talira popped into my array.  

 Stay away. Your presence will only make things worse, it said. 

 That was… smart, actually. She’d have an easier time calming everyone down if I wasn’t there to draw their anger like a lodestone.  

 It did leave me with the question of what to do with myself, though. This was one of those situations where I was supposed to wait for the shukusenth to provide direction. They had a better view of the big picture than me, but even with that, I tended to ignore them, getting started with a mission’s prep work until I had more information. 

 Today, though, I couldn’t do that. Standing in the middle of a hallway, I was stuck in place because this current danger to Lutov was, in part, my fault. I wasn’t silly enough to think that everything should be blamed on me, but I’d definitely had a hand in it. Worse, because that hadn’t been intentional on my part. 

 I was the Lokke Vitras. I was supposed to keep the homeland safe, not get manipulated by a friendly face into poisoning its leaders. I couldn’t trust myself to make a decision when my thoughts were whirling like a tornado, refusing to fucking stop. 

 So, I did the only thing that might clear my head. Taking a lift to ground level, I stepped out of House Kolb’s headquarters and started walking. 

 It was a nice day outside with the sun dipping behind the towers. Elsewhere in the city, an early evening would have descended, but the day was nowhere close to over yet. A few hours remained before people started heading home for the night. This made foot traffic sparse, which was good. I didn’t have the focus needed to stay alert for threats when in a crowd. Even the scattered groups of people nearby were taxing me at the moment. 

 It didn’t help that they looked normal. As they rushed past, a group of friends jarred me with their laugher, pushing and jostling one another. Up ahead, a man had a child—what a rare sight—on his shoulders, and that small one was holding her arms out, giggling as her ride wove her back and forth. 

 All of them could have the neurotoxin circulating through their bloodstreams. All of them could have weeks to live. Or they could be perfectly healthy. I had no way to tell. 

 At least I knew what was happening in my own body. Pulling up a report on the toxin’s progress, I shrunk it to fit in the corner of my vision, there to stay until we could unravel this problem. Or until the neurotoxin killed me. 

 Strange thought, that. Not the dying bit. I faced death every day of my existence, but the idea that I might die because my body failed on me without an injury to prompt it? That was something I’d never thought of before. Considering how often disease killed the children of Ibis, they’d probably laugh at how incredulous it had made me now. 

 Maintaining a report on my body’s declining state might not help my mental health in the long run, but right now, it and the walk had helped with steadying me, a first step taken. What next? 

 Well, that was obvious. Once I’d made my requests for connection, it took a couple of seconds, but Leski and Korix accepted them within heartbeats of one another. 

 “Zae, what’s going on?” Leski said. “Headquarters has gone on lockdown, and no one will tell me what’s happening. Also, where are you?” 

 Lockdown. That must have happened after I’d left. Why would Talira have made that call, though? She had to know Sanya had gotten outside before the order had come down. 

 I must have taken too long with answering Leski’s question because Korix’s soothing voice soon filled the connection. 

 “I’m guessing the assembly didn’t go well,” he said. 

 Stopping short, I bit down on manic laughter, blinking at nothing until I had it under control. 

 “No. It did not,” I eventually said. “I’m so sorry to do this to you, my loves, but we have an Ancients-Crisis-level situation at hand, so I need you to listen to me.” 

 I paused for a breath on the off-chance that one of them needed to interject, but they said nothing. I tried not to extrapolate meaning from that. 

 “Ko, get Baely to our hideout on the other side of Lake Phiabe,” I continued. “Leski, as soon as you can leave headquarters, I need you to meet them there, and before either of you protest, I’m not in danger.” 

 Besides from the neurotoxin that was slowly dissolving my nerves, at least. 

 “I’m staying in Xygek long enough to touch base with Talira,” I said. “After she’s given me my orders, I will join you. I’ll explain everything, and we’ll go from there. All right?” 

 After I’d started talking, I’d heard footsteps on the other side of one connection, so it didn’t surprise me that the next words spoken weren’t directed at me. 

 “Baely, grab your go-bag for me,” Korix said. “We need to leave.” 

 “Dad? Wha-?” 

 I could barely hear my daughter’s voice, although it was growing steadily louder. 

 “What’s going on?” they said. 

 “I’m not sure yet, but don’t worry. We’ll be ok,” Ko answered. “Your parents are listening over a direct connection. You should tell them that you love them.” 

 “I… I love you, mom. Per,” Baely said. “You’re scaring me, dad.” 

 And didn’t that burn me? 

 “I know, honey. I’m sorry, but we need to go now,” Korix said. “Zae, anything else we should know?” 

 Mother Time bless him for always knowing how to handle unexpected crises. 

 “That’s it for the moment, “Good luck. Tell Baely-” 

 “I will,” Korix said, distracted by something. “I’ll do it for both of you.” 

 He cut the connection, which was good. I’d been starting to lose the clear-headed state that I’d achieved. As if to help me with retaining it, Leski cleared her throat. 

 "Zae, tell me everything will be ok,” Leski said. “I don’t care if it’s a lie. I need to hear it before I can get started.” 

 “Everything will be fine,” I said with no question in my voice. 

 Hell if I could tell whether I believed that, though. 

 “We will get through this like we have with every other upset in our lives,” I continued, “and even if we can’t, we will survive, so long as we have each other. Right?” 

 After a beat of silence, Leski released a held breath. 

 “Right,” she said. “Thank you, love.” 

 “Of course,” I said, “Now, get out of Xygek. And I love you.” 

 Chuckling, Leski said, “I love you too.” 

 When the connection cut, I focused on the world outside of my array, wondering where my wandering feet had taken me. A relatively open space surrounded me, one of the city’s parks presumably, but something about this one seemed familiar… 

 About a century ago, I’d made a drop into this park with Leski and Korix. Eleven years before that, I’d done the same with Feena on the night before my House naming ceremony. Why had my feet taken me here? 

 While I tried to answer that question, I headed to an empty bench before collapsing on it. As I sent out messages to the rest of my family, telling them to converge at the designated location, I was still puzzled by the mystery, but it was only as I finished writing these messages that I realized what the question was: a last defense mechanism. 

 At first, I’d had my walls—mission mode blocking off emotions—to keep my safe, but that had quickly failed. Then, a spot of physical activity and the preparations needed to guarantee my family’s safety had kept my mind occupied. That was done now, though, and without my defenses to protect me, what was hidden below the surface could emerge, full force. 

 Curious, then, that I did nothing more than sit, waiting for Talira to contact me. Numb. The perfect, little soldier. 

 Ha! Sanya would have laughed at that. 

 If a tear spilled over my cheek at that thought, I didn’t notice or care.

Chapter 54: Pep Talk
When someone sat on the bench beside me, it was enough to drag me out of my lethargy. Most people didn’t approach me without a reason, scared off by who I was, so I half-expected someone to start begging for my help or maybe for an autograph, although it was widely known that I didn’t like requests for that. 

 I could also soon feel a knife pressing against my side, though that was unlikely. My enemies, of those who remained, wouldn’t be dumb enough to attack me in such a public place. Then again, I’d been dumb enough to trust Sanya… 

 “You done fucked up this time, Zae-zae,” said the person beside me. 

 My grandmother. Of course. That made much more sense than my other theories. 

 I pulled an acknowledging noise from somewhere deep inside, dully wondering what would happen next. Would she scold me here, in public? That might be humiliating, but it didn’t seem likely. We didn’t want to panic the public with our problems, so long as we still could. 

 So, would she brush what had happened under the rug instead, telling me what to do? I’d eagerly await that. 

 Eventually, Talira said, “This is good.” 

 Rapidly blinking, I twisted toward my grandmother while leaning away, and although she continued staring straight ahead, she smiled, probably in response to getting a reaction out of me. 

 “How is… what just happened good?” I hissed. 

 Damn. I’d almost told the world about the poisoning of Lutov’s leadership. What was wrong with me? No. What was wrong with Talira, calling that good? 

 “Have I ever told you about when my shukusen, Dranek, sent me on a routine check of the Eastern Reach’s production facilities?” she said. 

 “I…” 

 Where the hell had that come from? 

 “No,” I said. “You never talk about when you were… me.” 

 Nodding, Talira said, “I don’t like thinking about it. It was…” 

 She said nothing more, but then, she didn’t have to. Except for Korix, I was the only other person in the world who could understand. 

 “Anyway, I set out, determined to finish the inspection as quickly as possible. I was irritated that Dranek had given me such a basic mission when I had so many other tasks to do,” Talira said. “When I arrived, I rushed through the inspection, finding nothing suspicious, and satisfied, I left. I was halfway back to Xygek when I got the message. During my sweep, I'd missed something. To this day, I don’t know what it was, but it caused a catastrophic failure of the production facility’s machinery, starting a chain reaction of explosions that irradiated a good sixth of the Eastern Reaches.” 

 As I snapped my eyes open wide, I could feel my eyebrows flying for my hairline, even as Talira grimly nodded. 

 “It was a nightmare. So many people were killed, which would have been bad enough, but without the resources that those production facilities had created, Lutovish citizens across the homeland would have started starving within the year,” she says. “I was distraught, of course, mostly because of what had happened but also because I’d failed as the Lokke Vitras. When I returned to Xygek, I thought for sure that Dranek would kill me for what I’d done. He was… not a kind man. But he just sat me down for a talk, and once we were done, I left, confident that I could fix the mistake I’d made.” 

 I badly wanted to ask how she’d done that, but another question seemed more pressing. 

 “How have I never heard about this?” I said. 

 Grinning, Talira rested her hand on my knee. 

 “That’s what I’m telling you, Zae-zae,” she said. “In their time holding the role, every Lokke Vitras in Lutov’s history has fucked up as badly as you just have. I certainly did. When he sat me down to talk, Dranek told me about his mistake, and if you’re very persistent, Korix might share his worst failing with you. We have all done things that have endangered to homeland. I’m surprised yours took so long to get here and yet…” 

 She gestured for me to fill in the blank. 

 “I’ve never heard about these mistakes,” I said. 

 “Because the way we solved them erased our involvement in how they started,” Talira finished. 

 I saw what she was trying to do, and even knowing it to be a manipulation, it was working. Instead of letting hopelessness numb me, I’d started thinking about how I could follow in my predecessors’ footsteps. Before I could devote myself to that pursuit, though, I needed to tie off the loose threads of Talira’s tale. 

 “So, how did you do it?” I asked. 

 Sighing, Talira leaned back on the bench, resting her arms on it with her legs spread wide. 

 “I had to do some things I’m not proud of. I certainly won’t talk about them with you,” she said, “but I also made a few things right. Back in my day, the entirety of Ibis was devoted to Lutov’s pleasure, in one way or another. Because we provided what they needed to survive, no one across the water had an ordinary life. We shuffled them through professions and the many forms of our torture like a card deck. It was a sordid time, one I don’t like thinking about, but because of my colossal mistake, I gained enough leverage to convince Vaessa of a plan I’d had in the works for years. 

 “Crinas and Flosari, where Ibis’ most fertile ground lay, would become farmland with the citizens of those nations tending to them, and we would use the food that they produced to keep from starving. It wasn’t much, that small loosening of our control, but it set a precedent that’s been followed to this day. It also solved one of Lutov’s problems in such a ‘groundbreaking’ and ‘novel’ way—” 

 Talira grimaced as she made air quotes. 

 “—that people fixated on it for years, long enough to sweep other issues under the rug. There’s more to it than that, but still, that’s the gist of my fuck up’s solution.” 

 Huh. I’d never thought that my grandmother might sympathize with the children of Ibis, but it made sense. Unless she was required to do otherwise, she was pretty hands-off with that landmass. 

 Not that anyone’s personal beliefs mattered right now. 

 “Do you have any suggestions for how to handle my mistake?” I asked. “I’d assume you do, otherwise you’d never have descended from on high to walk among the commoners.” 

 Talira whacked the back of my head. 

 “Shut up, smart ass,” she said. “Of course I have suggestions.” 

 Saying nothing more, she crossed one leg over her knee, and I sighed. 

 “Which are?” I drawled. 

 Wagging a finger on the bench’s backrest, Talira said, “Uh-uh. First, say please.” 

 Oh, Mother Time. Were we really doing this? After taking a calming breath, I smiled at her. 

 “Please,” I smoothly said. 

 “Good,” Talira said. “Now say, ‘I promise that I will listen to you from now on, oh most great and wise and magnanimous of shukusenth.’” 

 My pleasant mask cracked. 

 “I promise to listen, and you can shove the rest up your ass,” I said. “Congratulations. You’ve cheered me up. Now, tell me what to do.” 

 Pouting, Talira said, “You only had to ask.” 

 But then, her mischievous act melted away, returning her to the steady woman I knew. Hell, how well did she know me to pinpoint the exact mode of behavior that would drag me out of my lethargy? 

 Straightening, she rested her folded hands on her crossed legs. 

 “Right now, we have two problems to tackle: backlash from the other Houses and of course, the neurotoxin,” she said. “You cannot go near the first of these, my Lokke Vitras, even knowing as I do that fixing it will be your first inclination. Let me handle it. Instead, I want you to focus on the other issue.” 

 When she paused, I said, “Yes, my shukusen.” 

 Because what else could I say? I couldn’t argue with her when she was right. 

 “We should gather our resources first,” Talira said. “I’m sending you to retrieve a few scientists. You’ll find two of them at an old testing facility in Ostiu. It’s called Kalaski. You may have heard of it?” 

 “Yes. I’ve visited the place on inspections,” I said, “although I should mention that when I was there, something felt… off. I’ve never had the time to investigate it, though.” 

 Nodding, Talira rubbed her hands together. 

 “It’s good that you’ve been there before,” she said. “Because you have, this visit might not distress you as badly.” 

 “What do you mean?” I asked. 

 Talira just shook her head. 

 “You’ll see,” she said. “When you retrieve these scientists, you’ll need your brother. He’ll help you get there more quickly, and they’re unlikely to leave Kalaski unless their shukusen orders them to. Those two have no respect for the Lokke Vitras.” 

 And normally, I’d need nothing more to like someone, but with the way she’d said that, I wasn’t sure that qualifier applied this time. 

 “Your brother already knows about this,” Talira said. “After you meet with him, ask him any questions you have about the scientists. He’ll be ready to leave whenever you are.” 

 Great. I hadn’t thought about that. She was talking about my brother, meaning Pheniks, meaning the man who’d helped start this calamity. This coming trip wouldn’t be a disaster at all. 

 Rather than dwelling on that, I said, “Who else am I gathering?” 

 “There’s only one more person, but you won’t need to retrieve her,” Talira said. “When I asked them, your friend volunteered to pick her up.” 

 Cocking my head, I said, “Really? Does Damari know this scientist?” 

 “Indeed,” Talira said. “She’s their sister.” 

 Ah. Ok. Having Damari retrieve her made sense, then. Familial relationship and all- 

 Wait-a-minute. 

 “WHAT?” I shouted, lowering my voice when Talira lifted an eyebrow. “Misah? She’s unHoused!” 

 “If I’m recalling this correctly, so were you when you handled the Ancients Crisis,” Talira said. “I’ve been watching her progress for years, my Lokke Vitras. She’s the most brilliant, unHoused scientists I’ve seen in centuries, easily at the level of Zan and Cerullis’ highest Strata. In fact, she’s good enough that I might make her the shukusen of that troublesome House once this is over. We’ll see.” 

 She shrugged before pinning me with her gaze. 

 “What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t judge her because she’s young,” she continued. “I promise you. We’ll need her before the end.” 

 With my elbows on my knees, I rubbed my temples, shaking my head. 

 “I’m not judging her,” I said. “It’s just… she’s Damari’s sister.” 

 “And you’re worried she’ll get hurt,” Talira said. 

 Nodding, I dug my fingers into my skin until Talira pulled one of my hands away. 

 “So what if she is?” she said. “One girl’s life will never be as important as Lutov’s safety.” 

 Wrinkling my nose, I opened my mouth to retort, but Talira painfully twisted her hold on my hand, stopping me. 

 “No. You listen to me, like you promised,” she said. “I understand why you keep loved ones in your life. Over the last one hundred years, you’ve proven, time and again, how much better they make you at what you do. As much as they’re your greatest strength, however, they’re also your greatest weakness, and you still haven’t learned how to overcome it. I don’t want to see the best Lokke Vitras that Lutov’s ever seen brought low because he couldn’t find the strength to grapple with a simple truth. Because of who you are, your loved ones will get hurt. It’s inevitable. So, accept this fact and move on.” 

 With Talira carefully watching me, I swallowed and nodded. I wondered if she knew how loudly I was screaming NEVER in my head as I did, but she must not have heard it, given that she released me. 

 “Good. And I’m sorry,” she said. “Now, what will you do?” 

 Never one to dwell on unpleasant moments, this one. 

 “Collect Pheniks from where he’s hiding,” I said. “Then, secure my ‘weakness’. If the shukusen approves.” 

 Talira didn’t comment on my obvious jab, merely inclining her head in assent. 

 “As soon as they’re settled, I’ll head to Kalaski,” I said. “I’ll keep you updated, but I don’t expect that this will take me more than a couple of days.” 

 “A solid plan,” Talira said. “Once you’ve brought the scientists back, they can work on an antidote for the neurotoxin while we discuss Cerullis. Twice that House has threatened Lutov in less than two centuries, and that is unacceptable.” 

 “Do you have a plan to keep them in line?” I asked. 

 Narrowing her eyes, Talira stared at nothing. 

 “I have ideas,” she said before slapping her knees, “but that’s for when you get back. After all, you have a fuck up to fix. So, go!” 

 Lifting a hand, she flicked her fingers at me, and I rolled my eyes. 

 “A pleasure as always, my shukusen,” I said. 

 After getting to my feet, I bowed to her, but then, I departed the park, leaving Talira on the bench behind me.

Chapter 55: Families Are Made to Frustrate
When I met Pheniks at his apartment, I said nothing to him. I said nothing as I led the way to a landing pad. I said nothing while waiting for him to climb into the skycruiser after me. I said nothing throughout the flight, staring at the Barasgami Mountains as the sun set behind them. 

 After crossing to the other side, I set the skycruiser down in an empty patch of the Southern Fells and got out without a word. Fortunately, Pheniks followed me when I strode into the dark. 

 Now, no matter how quiet I might have been to this point, the same hadn’t been true internally. Questions kept popping into my head, most of which I abandoned when they emerged, but some stuck around. 

 How could you be so selfish? 

 Did you really vote against Cerullis’ proposal out of revenge? I thought you'd forgiven me! 

 Where’s my little brother, the boy who wouldn’t have understood the bitterness that’s overtaken you these last few years? 

 “Where are we going?” 

 The spoken-aloud question drew me out of my thoughts, forcing me to consider breaking the silence that had lain between me and Pheniks. 

 “Hideout,” I gruffly said. “Not much further.” 

 “Right! I got your message about that earlier,” Pheniks said. “That’s good, though. Walking through this crap is hard.” 

 I rolled my eyes. Sure, as we stepped forward, grass might be pulling on our legs, but moving through it wasn’t that difficult. 

 When I refused to comment, Pheniks said, “About what happened earlier…” 

 He trailed off as if expecting me to continue for him, but I had nothing to say. In fact, I hoped he dropped the subject. I had… feelings about it, and despite knowing it to be unwise, I had yet to process them. I wasn’t sure what would happen if he insisted on hashing this out now. 

 The crunch of my brother’s feet in the grass stopped, but I didn’t slow my own pace. He could catch up once he’d gotten himself under control. 

 “Is that it, then?” he suddenly shouted. “You’ll just ignore me for this entire trip?” 

 I focused on scanning my surroundings for danger and watching the ground, where I’d place each step. I didn’t acknowledge what had blazed through me each time Pheniks had spoken. 

 “I would rather focus on the mission,” I said. 

 Pheniks laughed, a little manically to my ear, before rushing in front of me, forcing me to stop. I examined his reddening face, pushing what was threatening to erupt from me deeper inside. Which was idiotic and really unhealthy. 

 “The mission,” Pheniks hissed. “Why is it always the damn mission that comes first? Yes, I get it! You’re the almighty fucking Lokke Vitras, and that’ll always be more important than me and what I want. I’m learning how to deal with it, but come on, Zaeden. In what possible world is talking to me going to threaten your sacred mission?” 

 With my lips pursed, I took a calming breath through my nose. He didn’t understand. He would never understand, even if I tried to explain it to him. Mother Time knew I’d outlined my methods often enough in the past, but it never stuck. 

 If we talked, the beast inside of me might break free of its cage, and if it did, if I gave in and did what I’d wanted to since first seeing Pheniks’ face, it would have consequences. He might refuse to help me, despite what was at stake, and I needed him for this mission to be a success. This mission had to be successful if Lutov was to stay safe. 

 My reasoning was tangential, I was aware. The chance that my proposed scenario would occur was low, but when it came to missions, especially ones that were this important, I didn’t take unnecessary risks. 

 So, I said, “I’m sorry. I don’t have an answer for you.” 

 And I pushed around Pheniks, once more headed toward my family’s hideout. They’d be there when we arrived—my wife, daughter, and life partner—and I had to admit. I wasn’t sure if I was more relieved by that prospect or jittery about having to explain what had happened. I didn’t want to tell Baely that her short life might soon come to an end because of me. 

 In part. This had happened in part because of me. 

 “Why did you do it?” 

 For a second, I could only blink before frowning. Why the hell had I said that? 

 “You mean vote against the proposal?” Pheniks asked. 

 Jerkily, I nodded. I might as well get an answer now that the question was out there. 

 “I had my reservations about it from the beginning,” Pheniks said. “Why would I give Zan’s rival House more power by increasing their field of study?” 

 I opened my mouth to share what I thought about such short-sightedness, but Pheniks got there first. 

 “I’m not discounting the threat that Sanya has brought to our attention. We need to deal with it,” he said, “but I didn’t think that handing Cerullis the keys to outer space was a good idea. I mean, consider where that could lead, Zae! What if their space program took off? You should know how quickly people’s opinions about something can change, given the right impetus. What if we decided to colonize other planets or strip-mine asteroids in the far distant future? I know those scenarios are far-fetched, but I didn’t want to give one House the power over these things. There had to be another way.” 

 “So, you were conflicted,” I said. 

 Slowly, oh so fucking slowly, the fire blazing through me faded. Pheniks had given me a logical explanation for what he’d done, something I could understand. Something I could forgive. It would have been better for him to voice these concerns before striking down Cerullis’ proposal but- 

 “Yes, I was conflicted,” Pheniks said, “but still, I would have cast my vote in favor of the proposal if not for you.” 

 When I stopped short, my brother ran into me, backing off with a mumbled apology, but I didn’t fully hear it. 

 Turning to him, I said, “What?” 

 Sheepishly, Pheniks rubbed the back of his neck. 

 “What can I say?” he said. “It’s been years since the upset that made me a shukusen, but despite how we decided to resolve things then, something’s still felt off between us. I thought that if I ruined something you considered important, like you once did to me, it might even the scales between us.” 

 Shrugging, he threw his arms to either side before letting them slap to his thighs. 

 “It was a mistake.” 

 A mistake. 

 “Are you telling me that you put the lives of the shukusenth, of Xygek, of my damn family in danger out of some petty desire to get even?” I said. 

 Taking a step back, Pheniks raised his hands. 

 “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone,” he said. 

 Of course he hadn’t. He never did. 

 “My daughter, your niece, might die in two weeks because of you,” I hissed. 

 Damn, that had hurt to say with such fire burning alongside the words, but never mind that. I looked at Pheniks, and Mother Time, if I didn’t want to hit him. A tiny, unreasoning part of me wanted to wring his neck, but I didn’t go anywhere near him, keeping my feet glued to the earth. 

 Because no matter what he did, Pheniks was my little brother, and I’d protect him, even from myself. 

 He didn’t seem to have the same convictions. Rushing to me, he took hold of my collar, jerking me forward until all I could see was the spark in his eyes. 

 “I didn’t poison us,” he snapped. “That was Sanya, the crazy bitch who lost her damn mind because she didn’t get what she wanted-” 

 I shoved him away. 

 “She did what she had to because you lot wouldn’t listen to her,” I shouted. “Do you know how many times she tried to tell you-?” 

 “You’re seriously taking her side right now?” Pheniks shouted over me. “She’s the… hell, what insane term would you use for her? She’s the enemy!” 

 Oh, I should shut up. I should stop right now but… 

 “That doesn’t mean she’s wrong!” I snapped. “For the love of all that might be holy, how corrupt are you and this… this whole fucking system that you can’t see that! You’d rather that we burn than give up your damn power. Hell. Maybe- maybe I should join-” 

 I was so focused on letting my inner beast—who was I kidding? It was anger—roar through me that I didn’t see the fist coming for my face. It connected, sending me stumbling back a step, and I had no clue what stopped my reaction to annihilate my attacker. It kept me frozen for long enough to see Pheniks staring at his fist in shock. He’d punched me? 

 Rallying, he showed me his teeth. 

 “You should be more careful, Lokke Vitras,” he said. “If you’d finished that thought, I’d have had to report it to the shukusenth , and who knows what would have happened then? I’d hate to see Baely finish growing up without her beloved per to protect her.” 

 I tackled him. There was no thought behind it, just a crashing wave of raw emotion that propelled me forward. We hit the ground, and somehow, Pheniks, whose House Kolb training had long since rusted away, ended up on top. Stinging force slammed into my cheek, but when Pheniks went for my face again, I caught his wrist, swinging my elbow at his jaw. That blow plus a twist of my hips—a move I’d long practiced—had him tumbling off of me, and in an instant, I was straddling him with one of his arms trapped between our legs and another in my hold. I reached for a hidden knife before glancing at my foe, and the world snapped for me. 

 This wasn’t a hostile beneath me. I was pinning my little brother to the ground while going for a weapon to kill him. I froze, something that one should never, ever, ever do in a fight, and in that pause, Pheniks headbutted me. 

 What the hell? 

 Even as I collapsed backward, I was thinking this, but that question didn’t stay with me for long. Pheniks wriggled out from under me, kicking me once he was on his feet. I scrambled away on all fours before springing upright, just in time for him to fall on me. He was relentless and furious with his strikes, so much so that it tested my ability to dodge them, but that was what typically happened when someone descended into the animal that inhabits us all. 

 We went like this for a bit, all while I waited for him to tire himself out. It had to happen at some point, but in the meantime, I blocked and whirled away from far more attacks than I’d expected. Where was he getting the energy for this? 

 Eventually, he stopped with his body trembling and his eyes wet. 

 “Hit me!” he screamed. “You should be hitting me! Why aren’t you hitting me?” 

 Oh. I knew what this was: all of it, from the beginning of the conversation to now. I’d been where he was too many times to count. So, when Pheniks attacked me again, I caught his wrists before transferring them to one hold. Wrapping an arm around my brother, I pulled him to me, and he stiffened before sobbing into my shoulder, spreading moisture across my shirt. 

 “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.” 

 “I know,” I said. ‘I’m sorry too.” 

 Soon enough, Pheniks started squirming, and when I let him go, he stepped back, looking anywhere but at my face. Conversely, I no longer wanted to punch him. It was funny how a fight could resolve a conflict like this, if only slightly. Mother Time knew that certain types of actions, including brothers getting into a scrap like little boys again, worked better than empty words at times. 

 “This,” Pheniks said, pointing at the ground, “never happened.” 

 Nodding, I said, “Fine by me. What are we telling the others, though? We’re close to the hideout, and when we get there, I don’t want to wait for our arrays to heal us.” 

 Shyly, Pheniks glanced up at me with a grin. 

 “We fell? Repeatedly?” he said. 

 Snorting, I said, “Sure. You try that. I’m sure Feena won’t see through our old excuse almost immediately.” 

 “And your family wouldn’t do the same?” Pheniks said. 

 As I resumed our trek, he trotted to keep up. 

 “Oh, there’s no way I’m hiding this from them,” I said. “Ko will take one look at me and know what happened, and he’ll tell Leski at some point, if she doesn’t pick up on it herself. As for Baely, she’s always been too perceptive, especially when it comes to what might have caused an injury.” 

 Pheniks was silent for a time, which I was grateful for. After such a tumultuous day, a spot of peace was nice, even if it would be short. 

 As the hidden entrance to my family’s hideout came into view, Pheniks said, “I really am sorry that I threatened-” 

 I flapped a hand at him. 

 “We can’t waste time on regret, Phen. Just help me fix it,” I said. “Besides, we’re here.”

Chapter 56: Explaining My Mistake
Glancing at the empty moors around us, Pheniks frowned. 

 “We’re here? But there’s nothing… wait. Isn’t this where someone’s estate was glassed a century ago?” 

 Fortunately, I banged my foot into a distinctly metal portion of the ground at that moment, shutting him up. After all, he was right. We were standing on the ground where Korix’s estate had used to rest. 

 But we had security measures to get through. 

 As other family members had approached this place, Korix would have met them along the way, verifying their identities, but that precaution wouldn’t be necessary for me. Long ago, Leski, Korix, and I had established the perimeter around this place, and its security network was strong enough that besides the three of us, only Talira could crack it. Still. That didn’t mean we abandoned all safety measures. 

 When a connection request flashed in my array, I accepted it, and it quickly established. 

 "What name did you first know me by?” Korix asked without preamble. 

 With a faint smile, I said, “Garreth, of course. You have no idea how often that name was on my lips in the weeks after-” 

 “It’s definitely him,” Korix said, probably to someone else. 

 As the connection cut, I chuckled, stepping back so that the panel beneath my feet could open. 

 “What was that about?” Pheniks said. 

 “They were making sure I’m me before letting us in,” I said, swaying in place. 

 I couldn’t help it. Having all of the people I loved in one, safe place? Despite our circumstances, it made me insanely happy. 

 “What about me?” Pheniks said. “How do they know that I’m me?” 

 Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I said, “You think I wouldn’t have noticed if something was off about you?” 

 Sure, I hadn’t noticed the same thing in Sanya recently, but Pheniks was my brother. He’d never been able to hide things from me. 

 “Well… no,” he said. 

 “Then, why would they need to check your identity?” I asked. 

 When the panel in front of me opened, I descended the ladder that it had hidden, knowing Pheniks would be quick to follow. At the bottom, warm light greeted me, and I relaxed, taking a deep breath of home before turning. 

 Korix was there, hugging his elbows as he ran his eyes over me. He stopped on my face, lifting an eyebrow in question, and I shook my head. My fight with Pheniks wasn’t something he needed to worry about. 

 At the end of the hall, Leski and Baely were hanging from a doorframe, and when I smiled at them, they relaxed, if only minutely. As soon as Pheniks stepped off of the latter, that went away with excitement lighting Baely’s face while Leski scowled. She’d never liked my brother. 

 “Uncle Phen!” my daughter shouted. 

 She ran to him, barely giving him time to prepare before launching herself at him. From what little I’d seen, she must have decided on some body modifications. At the least, her facial features had started softening. Not that it was any of my business! My daughter could decide what, if anything, they wanted to do with their body. 

 When Pheniks caught them, he shot a foot back to maintain his balance, but this only made him laugh. 

 “Well, hello there!” he said. “How’ve you been, little one?” 

 "Great! Or I was until earlier, I guess, but that’s ok!” Baely babbled while pulling away from Pheniks. “It’s so good to see you-oh your face!” 

 Hesitantly, she grazed a hand over a red splotch on Pheniks’ cheek, and with a wince, he pulled her fingers off of him. 

 “It’s all right,” he said. “Nothing time and my array can’t fix.” 

 The fiercest of expressions planted itself on Baely’s face, one that made me smile. If Pheniks had thought he was in trouble before, he was about to learn differently now. 

 “Not good enough,” Baely snapped. “Come on. I’ll fix you up, and you can tell me what happened.” 

 Reversing Pheniks’ grip on them, they marched deeper into the hideout, tossing a ‘Hi, per!’ over their shoulder as they went. 

 “Hi, sweetie!” I called back. “Don’t hurt your uncle, please.” 

 As she made a noncommittal noise, Pheniks glanced back at me in a panic, and I snickered as they disappeared. Oh… I already felt better. 

 “So?” 

 I glanced at Korix while lifting an arm for Leski to slide under. 

 “You’re obviously not hurt, not significantly at least,” he said, flicking his eyes to my split lip. “So, why are we here?” 

 Sighing, I looked away. This would be difficult. 

 “We should get comfortable first,” I said. 

 I led the way into the hideout. Past the doorway was a cozy cave of a room, stuffed with chairs, pillows, and a few lamps. A small kitchen took up one corner with a hallway beside it, one that led to a set of bedrooms. Baely had Pheniks sitting on a chair near the kitchen’s counter, applying a salve to his red marks, and on a sofa near the entrance, my father was perched with Feena beside him. Given that, I had to assume that mom was in one of the bedrooms. 

 My father’s presence here surprised me. I’d sent my parents the same message about meeting here as I’d done for my siblings, but I’d thought for sure that he’d ignore it, trusting in his mother’s safety precautions over mine. She was a shukusen, after all. 

 I wasn’t sure what to think of having him here. Obviously, I was glad that he and mom were safe, but I didn’t need the added stress of walking on my tiptoes around them on top of everything else. Maybe I should ignore them until the crisis had passed? That would make a nice turnabout, given how absent they’d been throughout my life. At the least, it was what I was doing now. 

 Fortunately, Feena didn’t seem upset when I strode past her without saying hello. She and I should have a chat about everything we’d done last week while trying to get the shukusenth on board with Sanya’s proposal, but first, I had to brief my partners on the situation. 

 Once we were in a bedroom, I collapsed on its bedroll while someone else locked the door. Leski and Korix sank to the ground in front of me with concern on their faces, and biting my lip, I took their hands. 

 “First of all, I love you, and I’m sorry,” I said. 

 If anything, what should have been a reassurance tensed them further. Leski even leaned away from me because I never said the words ‘I love you’ to Korix. Sometimes, I got close enough that I might as well have said it, but I never spoke it outright. The only reason that I’d done it now had been because while I’d directed those words at both of my partners, they could have been meant only for Leski. 

 “Don’t be sorry when you haven’t explained yet,” Korix said. 

 Making a noise of agreement, Leski reached out to brush my split lip. 

 “You got in a fight with your brother?” she asked. 

 With my face going blank, I said in monotone, “No, I fell. Several times.” 

 Then, I grinned, grabbing Leski’s hand so I could kiss her palm. 

 “Don’t worry, love. Everything’s fine, at least in that part of the world,” I said. “Everywhere else, though…” 

 Releasing Leski, I met Korix’s unreadable eyes. 

 “I fucked up,” I said. 

 Something flashed across his face—fear maybe?—but he nodded in understanding of what I was really saying. 

 “Just tell us,” he said. 

 He was right. They needed to know how bad the situation was. I might as well get it over with. 

 So, I explained everything, starting from a week ago. They took it pretty well—even the being poisoned bit—although Korix shot to his feet, pacing to rest his forehead on the door, when I detailed everything that Sanya had done. 

 I’d expected this, though. I might not know what sort of relationship lay between those two, but it was clear that they’d been close at some point. Still. I hadn’t expected to see something this expressive from my normally non-emotive life partner. Once I’d finished, he was still at the door, and I couldn’t stop staring at him. Why was he so upset about-? 

 “So, we have two weeks to live unless these scientists you’re looking for can craft an antidote,” Leski said. 

 Dragging my eyes off of Korix, I crookedly smiled at my wife. 

 “Sounds about right, yes,” I said. 

 “Then, why are we still sitting here?” Leski said before glancing over her shoulder. “Ko, get Baely ready, and tell the rest what’s going on. I don’t know who among them, if any, will want to join us, but either way, they deserve to know the situation. I’ll handle him.” 

 Nodding, Korix dragged himself off of the door, leaving the room without looking at us, but I’d dropped the mystery of his strange behavior in favor of glaring at my wife. 

 “I’m sorry. How many people do you think will be joining us?” I said. “You, I understand. Of you and Ko, you’re the one who’s living in my world right now, but our daughter is staying right here. We have to keep them safe, Leski.” 

 “And visiting Ostiu while under the protection of the most dangerous man in Lutov is oh so life-threatening,” Leski said, rolling her eyes. 

 When I tried to retort, she swiveled to her knees, smashing a finger to my lips. 

 “No. You hush for a moment,” she said. “If we only have two weeks to live, I’m not forcing our daughter, who adores her per and is stronger than she looks, to hide. She will live, Zae. She will go with us to save the homeland so that if we die, she has something to be proud of. Also, if you think Ko and I won’t drop everything when you’re so clearly overwhelmed, then you’re a fucking idiot. Please. Be reasonable and accept the help. I’m going to remove my finger now. When I do, I’d better hear only sensible words coming out of your mouth.” 

 As she’d said, she lifted her finger, revealing my scowl, but she didn’t find my petulance as amusing as she normally would. She stared at me with her mouth pulled into a thin line until I sighed. 

 “I hear your reasoning,” I said. “I’m not sure if I agree with it, but I learned a while ago that I should capitulate when you get like this. You’ll do what you want anyway.” 

 And if the situation got too dangerous, I could always sneak away from my companions. The only one who might notice me doing that was Korix, and he’d understand. 

 “Good. I’m glad that’s decided,” Leski said. “Now for the other half of handling you.” 

 Unbuttoning her shorts, she pulled them over her hips before tumbling backward so she could pull them off of her legs, all while I watched with my head tilted. When she noticed that I hadn’t moved, she lifted an eyebrow. 

 “Well, come on! Get those slacks off,” she said. “We don’t have much time.” 

 “Leski…” I said. “I don’t think-” 

 “Yes, obviously,” Leski said with a huff. “If you were thinking, you’d see the snarled ball of feelings that you are right now. You’d see that staying in this state will only harm Lutov and us, and you’d know that there’s one, quick way to temporarily fix the problem.” 

 With a bemused smile, I said, “I hardly think that meaningless sex is going to help me.” 

 “For the love of- you are such an idiot!” 

 Climbing into my lap, Leski kissed me, soft and tender and so full of love that I couldn’t help but relax into it. When she pulled away, she brushed a thumb under my eye. 

 “It wouldn’t be meaningless. It would be me, offering you something that you need, because I want to do that and because I love you, you ridiculous man,” she said. “Now, would you please get on with fucking me? We need to leave soon.” 

 With a sigh, I curled a strand of her hair around my finger. 

 “That has to be the worst come-on line I’ve heard in my life,” I said. 

 “Are you kidding me-mph?” 

 A handful of minutes later—Mother Time, if we weren’t attuned to each other—we walked into the hideout’s common room. As expected, it was relatively calm with people clutching their go-bags in preparation of leaving. 

 As Korix joined us, I hissed, “All of them are coming? Are we traveling with an entourage now?” 

 “Apparently,” Korix said with a faint smile. 

 He seemed better, but that didn’t surprise me. Activity always helped after an emotional upset. 

 “Even my parents?” I said. 

 Shrugging, Korix said, “They seemed adamant about helping. I told them they could do that by staying safe, but they only laughed at the suggestion.” 

 “Ugh…” I groaned. 

 Korix didn’t respond to my obvious distaste. If it wasn’t difficult enough that my parents and I were… not close, his relationship with them had always been strained as well. They blamed him for my ascension to the role of the Lokke Vitras, even after I’d explained that he’d offered me a chance to escape it. I had chosen to stay and take up the mantle. 

 They didn’t see it as my choice, though, more that Korix had manipulated me into the decision. It was one more reason that I struggled with maintaining my calm when I was around them. Even still, I loved them. 

 I did! They’d taught me many lessons that had improved my life and given me a… decent childhood. I supposed. Maybe it hadn’t been so great, but I didn’t want to think about that right now. 

 Even with that, though, they were good people, individuals I’d normally like to spend time with. Unfortunately, there was too much history between us for that to be feasible. 

 Lightly touching my elbow, Leski said, “They can watch Baely.” 

 And there was the second reason that my relationship with my parents wasn’t in shambles. Unlike a certain shukusen I could mention, Mirah and Ximon were excellent grandparents, and my daughter loved them. So, I put on a false smile, accepting the fact that they were coming weith us. 

 Along with everyone else. Hell, why had I agreed to this? 

 Striding into their midst, I said, “All right. We’re headed to Ibis. I know it’s late, but timing’s everything right now. You can sleep on the way. For this part of the journey, I don’t care how you get there, but once we arrive in Flosa’s Travel Center, we’ll stick together. Clear?” 

 Everyone around me murmured agreement, although when Feena caught my eye, I nodded. We’d talk while on the way. 

 “Let’s get out of here, then,” I continued. “Safe journeys to you all.” 

 Fortunately, most of my family, including my partners, responded to my dismissal, moving toward the exit so I could bring up the rear. Pheniks decided to linger, sidling toward me while people filtered up the ladder. 

 “You look better,” he said when he was beside me. 

 Remembering Leski’s efforts to get me to this state, I smiled. 

 “We’ll see how long it lasts,” I said. “Baely did a good job of patching you up.” 

 Touching his cheek, Pheniks said, “Yes. She’s always had a talent for healing.” 

 He fell silent, keeping quiet until we were alone in the hideout. 

 “Zae, these scientists we’re retrieving?” he said. “There’s something you should know about them." 

 Of course there was. 

 “If you tell me they eat babies or something equally as evil, we might have to revisit that tussle we had earlier.” 

 From the corner of my eye, I watched Pheniks cross his arms, as if he was protecting himself. 

 “No, no! It’s nothing like that,” he said, “but when it comes to their research, their methods can be a little aggressive, and… I just want you to be prepared for what you might see.” 

 Finally, I turned to my brother, wondering if the peace we’d just achieved was about to be ruined. 

 “Tell me what I’m walking into, then,” I said.

Chapter 57: Proof of My People's Evil 1
Forgive me for the interruption, Elliot, but there’s something I should explain before we get into this chapter. You know where this past version of me is headed, just as you might have guessed who the scientists I’m seeking are. I am so sorry for bringing those utterly vile people into your mind again, but they are, unfortunately, a part of this story. 

 I’ve been struggling with how to handle this. Should I leave them out? Should I rename them, pretending that they were someone else? 

 In the end, I’ve decided to simply call them ‘the scientists’ while using gender neutral pronouns for them, making it clear who they are while also distancing you from them. Having spent the last year helping you deal with everything that they did to you, this seemed like the best approach. 

 And if it’s not… it’ll be one more reason that you should hate me. With my warning given, however, we should return to the story. 

   

 When we reached Zoln in the early hours of the next morning, Pheniks took us straight to House Zan’s headquarters. 

 “If we’re to have any chance of these people listening, then I need to freshen up,” he said. “They only respect me because I’ve always presented myself as an unruffled shukusen when around them. All of which is to say that they’re a handful to manage.” 

 Knowing how important appearances could be, most of us didn’t protest, although Baely looked confused by the detour. Were they wondering why we were delaying for a change of clothes after the rush to get here? 

 Fortunately, Pheniks had learned the art of a quick costume change. He only needed five minutes before leading us to a tube at the base of the tower. He loaded us into separate tubes, inputting an access code into them before they could move, but then, we were shooting beneath the earth to the lower tip of Ibis’ crescent. 

 As we went, I occupied myself with thoughts of what would soon be undulating across the surface above. Mist, the result of the Upheaval that had once torn Ibis and Lutov apart, covered Ostiu to the west of Zoln. Traversing that fog was perilous as the mysterious phenomena attached to it could get an unsuspecting traveler lost in it. It was better if I thought about how images from the past might lure me off of a safe path than to consider everything Pheniks had told me before we’d left Lutov. 

 After an hour, we arrived, leaving my companions rapidly blinking while their eyes adjusted. I’d had my array constrict my pupils before the tube had come to a stop, aware from past experience of the disorientation that was planned for visitors here, so I got a glimpse of the lab before everyone else. With its tiled walls and wood accents, the place reminded me of spas back home, but even before I’d known the extent of what happened here, a scene that should have been calming had always rung sinister to me. Now that I knew what happened here, I saw it for the cheap veneer of pleasantry that it was, a cruelty to the unsuspecting and an insult to anyone who knew better. 

 The scientists that we needed to retrieve were here to greet their shukusen, but since Pheniks’ tube was still quite a way out, they examined us with clinical curiosity. Even having met them before, their disregard for the Lokke Vitras in their midst surprised me. Once, I’d been grateful for it. Now, it just made me more determined as I strode to them, and when I came close, I bowed. 

 “Honored Second Strata,” I said. “I wondered if one of you might give me the pleasure of observing your progress while we wait for shukusen Pheniks. It need not be anything sensitive for your House. I’d simply like to admire the work of such brilliant people.” 

 Stroking the egos of people like this was usually a good first step toward getting what I wanted from them. We’d see if it worked this time. 

 The scientists exchanged a glance. 

 “That can be arranged,” one of them said. “Why don’t you oblige our guest, darling?” 

 “I’d love to,” the other one said. 

 When the second of them turned on their heel, I gestured for my companions to stay here before following the scientist. I knew that my loved ones, Korix and Leski especially, would want to stay by my side until this crisis was resolved, but for harmless tasks like this, they’d have to let me go alone. 

 Honestly, I found the situation a little funny. After a century with me as the Lokke Vitras, they must know that I could handle our current circumstances, no matter how overwhelmed I might be. Yet still, they insisted on helping, which I found endearing. 

 It was also frustrating as hell because I knew that with the distinct exception of Korix, I’d have to moderate how I solved our problems while around them. True, almost all of my loved ones were from House Kolb, mostly immune to the horrors of violence, but besides rare situations, they’d never had to question the morality of their actions, not on a grand scale at least. They’d never had to do something that could only be classified as evil. Every mission that might call for such a choice got pushed onto the Lokke Vitras. Onto me and at one point, Korix. Given that, I wasn’t sure how long my loved ones could trail me before I had to do something that would made them spurn my presence. 

 Fortunately, that time wasn’t now. As I trailed behind one of Kalaski’s scientists, a door slid closed behind me, cutting off my view of my family, and the part of me that constantly worried about their opinions relaxed. We headed down halls—all of them brightly lit and immaculate—before turning into a room with a holodrama plate at its centerpiece. 

 “You’ll have to forgive me,” the scientist said. “I’d give you a live demonstration, but our current batch of test subjects is resting. Putting them through their rounds so soon after the last experiment might have them expiring before we’ve fully used them, and we wouldn’t want to waste resources like that, would we?” 

 I had no idea how I kept my fingers from twitching while fixing a smile in place. 

 “No, waste of life is usually frowned upon,” I said, “and a recording of your work will be fine. After everything I’ve heard about you, I simply need to see what you’ve done for myself.” 

 Because the only other times I’d been here, it had been for a basic inspection, made at another House’s request. On arriving, I’d accessed the place’s network so I could pull the required data from its storecases before leaving. I’d never had the time to linger or investigate why I always felt uneasy here, and if what Pheniks had told me was true, I’d want to scream at my younger self for not acting on his suspicions. 

 Above the holodrama plate, a scene materialized: two reclining chairs with men sitting in them. The fact that they were secured to their seats by restraints raised my hackles, but I kept the reaction buried as I circled the holodrama plate so I could see what was dangling behind them.  

 That proved to be a mistake. My stomach lurched, nearly making me throw up, when I saw wires climbing up the back of each chair until they wormed through the hole that had been carved into each man’s skull. 

 “What-?” I said, unable to utter another word. 

 If I did, my screaming protest might tear down the façade of respect that I’d raised with this scientist. Hopefully, they’d interpret the horror in my voice as curiosity or something similar. 

 Another person stepped into the scene, a woman with bleached skin and eyes with silver bordering her irises. An ii. Raising a hand, she curled her fingers, and water coalesced over her palm, forcing me to repress a shudder. Considering she could pull moisture out of the air, that was one powerful Hydroshifter. Other than displaying her magic, though, she did nothing else while the Ostium among the men gasped, straining toward her. 

 “The bloodsong,” he said in his native tongue. “The great symphony! It’s been so long since I’ve heard it…” 

 Meanwhile, the child of Ibis watched the mage with a look of intense concentration on his face, but several minutes passed with nothing else happening. Clearly, whatever the Ostiu man was hearing, the other one didn’t. 

 “Next phase,” came a muted voice from outside of the scene. 

 One of the scientists, I thought. 

 At the prompt, the ii grimaced before relaxing her hand, letting the water hovering above it splash to the ground. She gestured at the Ostium, and I watched, dying inside, as droplets beaded on his arm before shooting to float in front of the mage. This process accelerated until he was screaming with his arm withering, and the child of Ibis, who’d been shouting for it to stop, got a funny look on his face. 

 “What is that noise?” he whispered. “It’s beautiful.” 

 And the scene abruptly ended. As the image faded, the present-day scientist lowered the hand they’d raised to stop it. 

 “From this, we learned that the bloodsong may be connected to the relationships that form between any animal,” they said. “For this experiment, we let the test subjects mingle with one another, and the displayed specimens had become friends during their time together. It’s a pity, really. Soon after that experiment was concluded, subject A expired, and subject B ended its life within forty-eight hours afterward. We could have learned so much more had they endured.” 

 With difficulty, I maintained my pleasant smile, even as I breathed more deeply with each inhale, extinguishing the blazing fire inside of me. I should kill this scientist. Really, I should. Any benefit that they gave Lutov couldn’t outweigh the suffering that they’d brought to who knew how many people, and those people deserved justice, just as much as the scientist’s soon-to-come victims deserved freedom from their clutches. 

 But if I killed this scientist or their partner, two people that Zan valued so much, it would most definitely start a House war, even if the leader of the ‘enemy’ House would be my brother. In the face of what I’d done, he wouldn’t have a choice. 

 But if I killed these scientists, we’d never find an antidote for the neurotoxin that was threatening to decimate Lutov. 

 So, instead of requesting my rifle to blow a wicked person’s brains out, I turned to them with a smile. 

 “How interesting,” I said, “and I didn’t know that you had iisen here! Where do you keep them?” 

 I needed a distraction if I was to have any hope of quelling this fury inside of me. 

 “In a hole below the ground,” the scientist said. “Don’t worry. They’re maintained as well as any tool like them should be.” 

 With my smile twitching, I said, “I have no doubt. Still. If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to check on them. One never knows what a clever captive can get up to in their spare time.” 

 For their sake, I hoped that was the case here, and if I saw evidence of such a thing, I certainly wouldn’t report it to this scientist. 

 “Fair enough,” they said, “but then, we really must return to the tube. I don’t want to keep my shukusen waiting for long.” 

 As we once more moved down Kalaski’s halls, temptation nipped at me. My reasoning for sparing this scientist’s life was sound, but even still, I couldn’t help feeling as if I’d greatly regret it someday. Perhaps instead of killing them, I could get them removed from their position in the near future? I liked the idea, but it would take time. 

 Having just viewed the evil that it had hid, the mask of relaxing tranquility that this place wore had further cracked. It was so riddled that I was amazed it was still holding together. I was grateful when the scientist stopped beside a lift, drawing me out of my thoughts. 

 Gesturing toward it, they said, “The mages are down there. You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t go with you. I prefer not to visit the iisen as they’re… unhygienic, to say the least.” 

 After a pause, I stiffly said, “I see. In that case, I hope you can forgive me for how long I may take down there.” 

 The scientist shrugged. 

 “So long as shukusen Pheniks is fine with the delay, you can take as long as you want,” they said. 

 “How kind,” I said, barely biting back on sarcasm. “If you’ll excuse me?”

Chapter 58: Proof of My People's Evil 2
At the scientist’s nod, I stepped into the lift, quickly descending, but when I stopped, I was sure something had gone wrong with its mechanisms, despite the solid ground beneath my feet. It was pitch-black in here! No one should be in such a place. 

 But when my array adjusted my eyes to the lack of light, using echoes and heat signatures to map the room in front of me, that theory was quickly disproven. Hesitantly, I stepped into a cave, staring wide-eyed at the people crammed into this space. After some awkward shuffling, the crowd rearranged itself, and fire, summoned at the front of it, had me blinking watering eyes. 

 Once I could see again, I couldn’t think beyond a primitive, internal cry. From the awful scent that had hit me when I’d stepped out of the lift, I’d known I’d find something to haunt my nightmares here. Considering how often I’d run across scenes similar to this in the past, I was quite familiar with that warning sign. Even still, this… this was one of the worst I’d ever seen, and I was left scrambling to restart my brain from its stall. 

 So many mages had been stuffed into this cave, leaving only standing room for them. At the edge of the crowd, a few of them were holding their sleeping companions up against the walls, and they were filthy with the sharpest of cheekbones and the patchiest of hair. I didn’t know where their waste was going—into a hole, perhaps?—and their lips were cracked and bleeding, making me wonder how long it had been since they’d last had water. 

 How- how did they live like this? How the fuck did anyone live like this and maintain their hold on reality?  

 Something about that question… 

 For a split second, disorientation jolted through my brain and body, and slamming my eyes closed, I fought to shake it off, wondering why this situation was causing such a strong reaction in me. I’d seen plenty of things like this before so why…? 

 As I peeled my eyes back open, a mental image of a Lutovish boy flashed through my mind’s eye, partially registering in me, but then, I was confronted with horror again. These people… 

 This would not stand. I wouldn’t let it continue. Spinning, I took a step toward the lift before a frail voice stopped me. 

 “Wait!” 

 For a moment, I froze. I didn’t want to talk to these people, unfortunate souls who’d been trapped like this while on my watch. I forced myself to acknowledge them anyway. They deserved any morsel of attention that they desired. It was the least I coulddo. 

 “You’re the protector, yes?” said a disheveled ii toward the front. “The one who keeps the saviors safe.” 

 He’d placed such emphasis on the one word— avaarien or saviors—that I took a moment to wonder why he’d done it before answering. 

 “I don’t know about that,” I replied in his tongue. “I’m…” 

 What could I give him, though? Should I provide him with a persona’s name? That seemed wrong, for some reason. I didn’t know when my personas had become so separate from me that even their names felt like another human being’s, but at some point, that had become the case. So, for the first time in a while, I spoke the full truth of my existence to someone else. After all, none of these mages could share it with someone dangerous. 

 “My name is Zaeden, no House, of Lutov, although most only know me as the Lokke Vitras.” 

 Nodding, the spokesperson for the iisen said, “As I said. The protector.” 

 …What? 

 Before I could request clarification from him, the spokesperson continued as if oblivious to my confusion. 

 “You wish to shout at our captors, hoping to improve our living conditions, yes?” he said. “While it’s kind of you to want that, you cannot do as you desire. We singers are in our proper place, here until we’re told that we may die.” 

 I drew breath to interrupt, but before I could, a finger was shoved to my lips. At the unexpected contact, I barely stopped myself from drawing a weapon. 

 “I have words for you, words that you must hear, and then, you must leave this place, never to return until the end,” the spokesperson said. “Listen and leave, on pain of death by our magic.” 

 Was he threatening me? Why would he do that? More importantly, why was he talking to me like he knew me, and what the hell was going on? 

 Unsure what else to do, I nodded my acceptance of the spokesperson’s ultimatum, content to play along until I figured this out. Grinning, he snatched his finger to his chest, clutching it like a prized possession. 

 “The protector hears me! The first half of an impossible task complete!” he said before confusion took over his face. “What am I supposed to do next?” 

 Another mage craned their body over the woman between them to whisper in the spokesperson’s ear, and once that was done, he excitedly clapped. 

 “Oh, yes! Two warnings. One for the now and one for the future,” he said. “The first! Your daughter is wise beyond her years. Listen to them. The protector understands?” 

 No. Definitely not. Not yet, at least. For instance, how did he know that I had a daughter? I doubted particulars about my life had traveled this far from Lutov. The longer I kept this person talking, though, the more pieces of this puzzle I’d gather, pieces that I could put together later. 

 So, I said, “I’ve always known Baely is smart, so listening to them shouldn’t be hard. What else do you have for me?” 

 Eagerly nodding, the spokesperson stepped forward, crowding me toward the lift. 

 “That’s good. Good! Another task completed,” he said. “The second warning. He needs you more than you know. Do what you can to prepare him for your loss.” 

 The spokesperson looked to me for an acknowledgment, but I didn’t know if I could give one this time. At least with the first warning, I’d had an idea of who and what he’d been referring to but with this one… 

 Who was ‘he’? And what did the spokesperson mean by ‘my loss’? Was it meant to signify when I walked out of someone’s life? It definitely couldn’t be about my death, or at least, not a premeditated one like he was implying. I wasn’t choosing to join the Collective anytime soon. 

 After a moment, the spokesperson said, “The protector doesn’t understand, but that’s to be expected. All of the phansha pieces have yet to be put into play. But that’s all! Every task is completed and-!” 

 Blanching, he lifted his hands to stare at them. 

 “I have nothing left to do,” he whispered. 

 Curling his fingers, he left one of them extended, trembling as he pulled it toward his chest. Before it could land, though, a woman snatched his wrist. 

 “Not yet,” she said. “Wait until he’s left. He needs no more trauma inflicted on him.” 

 “I-!” 

 Licking his lips, the spokesperson lowered his hand. 

 “Yes. I’ll wait,” he said before meeting my eyes. “You have your warnings. Now, go. And remember, Zaeden, no House. We will resist any help that you try to give us.” 

 I was… so confused, but in the end, it didn’t matter. For the moment, I knew what I needed to. Kalaski was a cesspool of evil, down to its core, and if I survived Lutov’s current crisis, dismantling this place would go to the top of my long-term checklist. With it being another House’s institution, I had no illusions that I’d meet the goal anytime in the next century, but I could work toward it, alongside my equally impossible end games. 

 In the meantime, I wasn’t sure how I could help these mages, and their insistence that they didn’t need me to at least partially mitigated my guilt for that failure. In the time I’d spent with them, they’d demonstrated how unstable they were, and one couldn’t reason with people like that, not until they felt safe at least. 

 But seriously. Warnings for the future? That was impossible. Still, I knew they’d stick in my mind for a while. 

 I must have taken too long with leaving because the iisen’s spokesperson stepped forward again, coming close enough that I could feel his body heat, and he lifted a hand. 

 “Leave, before I stop your heart with my Somadept magic,” he said. 

 Swallowing hard, I nodded before backing toward the lift, and as it picked me up off of the ground, the spokesperson’s voice chased me. 

 “Oh! And when you see Sol, tell her that we, the faithful, have accomplished our part of her vision.” 

 Needless to say, I was shaken when I returned to where the scientist was waiting above. Thank Mother Time for my training, otherwise I might have shown them how unsteady my trip down the lift had made me. 

 “Get what you wanted?” they asked. 

 With a smile that I barely kept from shaking, I said, “Yes, thanks. Let’s return to the tube now.” 

 The scientist needed no further encouragement. We scurried through Kalaski, but I didn’t notice our passage, too busy with working through everything I’d seen instead. 

 I was still doing that when we rejoined my companions. While I’d been gone, Pheniks had arrived, and when we entered the room, he was talking with the other scientist. Seeing that, the one who’d given me a tour raced to them, and I stormed toward my loved ones, but I said not a word when I reached them. Taking Korix’s elbow, I tugged him to the side while the others stared. 

 “Did you know?” I harshly whispered. 

 Lifting an eyebrow, Korix said, “Know what? If it has something to do with these scientists, Zae, I’d remind you that someone else was running Kalaski until recently.” 

 That was right. The change in management had come after I’d become the Lokke Vitras . Even as guilt slammed into me—the terrible things that had happened here were my fault—I slumped. Korix hadn’t been keeping this from me. I hadn’t been sure what I’d do if he’d been hiding it, and I was glad that I didn’t have to find out what it was because it certainly wouldn’t have been pleasant. 

 Hesitantly, Korix touched my elbow, the one that was hidden from everyone else. Even now, he didn’t like displaying too much affection in front of complete strangers. 

 “Are you all right?” he asked. 

 With a miserable smile, I said, “No, but you can’t do anything about it right now. Let’s focus on returning to Lutov so we can stabilize things. Once that’s done, I’ll take some time to recover. Promise.” 

 Korix just watched me for a moment before engulfing me in a hug, effectively turning me into a statue. What was this? This was definitely a display of affection. What-? 

 “For whatever it is, I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear, “but I’m here for you. I will always be here for you.” 

 Backing off, he walked back toward the others, leaving me frozen in place. Hell, how did he always know what to say? 

 I stayed here, reveling in this sensation, for the short time it took Pheniks to convince the scientists about leaving Kalaski, but then, we were in the tube again, heading away from a den of evil and toward home.

Chapter 59: Let's Get Started
I was impressed by the lab that Talira had confiscated for the scientists to work from. Deep in House Drav’s headquarters, it had all of the equipment that they might need and more, and the two we’d retrieved from Ibis must agree with my assessment, given how quickly they scattered to inspect it once we were inside. Having left my family in the park, I entered behind them, noticing Damari standing in a corner with a pretty, blonde woman, and on seeing me, my friend lifted a hand before nudging his companions toward me, 

 “LV! How good to see you in these trying times,” they cheerily said. 

 “So, my grandmother has shared the situation with you. Good. I’d hate to explain myself again,” I said. “Who’s your friend?” 

 “So serious!” Damari said before elbowing the woman as their side. “Don’t worry, Misah. He’s not always like this.” 

 Turning to the blonde, who was picking at a sleeve with her eyes fixed on the ground, I forced myself to relax from my focused state, smiling at her in a disarming way. 

 “You must be the sister Damari’s always yammering about,” I said. “From what I’ve heard, you’re quite the inquisitive scientist.” 

 Misah peered up at me from beneath her bangs, and I thought she’d be too shy to respond. Boy, did she prove me wrong. 

 “From what I hear, you’re quite the scientist yourself,” she said. “Or was it that you’re in insatiable prankster? I can never remember. Those passions are too similar.” 

 Sucking in a breath, I blinked at her for a moment, and after holding my gaze for the briefest of heartbeats, she darted her eyes back to the floor. The quiet ones usually had a bit of spunk hidden somewhere. How did I always forget that fact? 

 Dipping into a shallow bow, I said, “Well met, Misah. Your sibling’s praise hardly does you justice.” 

 “Hey!” Damari protested. 

 They didn’t get the chance to say anything more as my grandmother strode into the lab at that moment. After observing the room, lingering on where the scientists from Kalaski had already begun working, she nodded before heading toward me and the siblings. 

 “Good job getting those two here,” she said. “I see you’ve already met Misah.” 

 “I have,” I said. “She’s charming.” 

 Looking down her nose at me, Talira said, “Zae-zae, this is one person you cannot take to bed with you.” 

 As Misah’s head shot up and Damari tensed, I fought to keep from slapping my grandmother. Why would she say that? 

 Rather mildly, I said, “I can’t compliment a woman without wanting to fuck her?” 

 Hopefully, my crude way of putting that would make Talira recognize her misstep, but she only chuckled. 

 “Good. You’re feeling better. With the way you were before, you might have shut down instead of getting indignant, as you rightfully should,” she said before facing the others. “Forgive me, Misah. Damari. I had to check on the mental status of my Lokke Vitras.” 

 “You could have picked a better way to do it,” I grumbled. 

 Damari crossed their arms until Misah lifted a fist to clear her throat. 

 “I understand,” she said. “Despite the preconception otherwise, men can be quite emotional creatures at times.” 

 At that, I snapped my head toward her so fast that I worried it might give me whiplash while Damari shrugged at me. Talira burst into laughter. 

 “Oh, I’ll like you, won’t I?” she says. 

 I wasn’t sure if I would yet. Time would tell, as it did in all things.  

 As she recovered, Talira wiped her eyes. 

 “We should get to work,” she said. “Misah, if you could return to your samples? Damari, you can help her, but you, my Lokke Vitras . You come with me.” 

 Without another word, Talira marched out the door, and rolling my eyes, I heaved a heavy sigh. Smirking at me, Damari mouthed ‘Good luck’ before going after their sister, who was already halfway across the lab. This left everyone too busy to see me dragging my feet as I followed my grandmother. 

 Talira led me into a room where new parents would typically greet their child, and I struggled to repress happy memories of Baely’s handoff while sitting beside her on a couch. Thinking about that didn’t seem right at the moment. 

 “Yes?” I stiffly said. 

 Having delivered what I’d been dispatched to retrieve, I’d known a conversation with Talira was eminent, but even if I should be calm while having it, I couldn’t help how miffed I was with my grandmother. The comment she’d made in the lab had been the second time she’d called the morality of my sexual proclivities into question in as many weeks, and I wasn’t ok with that. 

 “Don’t give me the sullen routine,” Talira said. “So, I said something that you found upsetting. Get over it. We’re currently dealing with too big of a problem to soothe your hurt feelings.” 

 She was right. I knew it, but that didn’t magically change how I felt. Fortunately, I’d gotten very good at hiding my emotional state. After taking a deep breath, I turned toward Talira with my hands folded on my knees. 

 “Do you have orders for me, my shukusen?” I asked. 

 Lifting a finger, Talira said, “First, an explanation.” 

 She settled into one corner of the couch, steepling her fingers in front of her face. 

 “When you went after Sanya at the assembly, you left me quite the mess to fix,” she said. “We have no idea where she is, by the way. She slipped away while we were arguing. I don’t suppose you know where she’s gone, do you? We need her in custody before I can move forward with my plans for Cerullis. If you don’t have any ideas, I’ve already set the Second Strata on locating her, but any information that you could provide would still be useful.” 

 Touching on my memories of Sanya was painful, more so than I’d expected, but when thinking about our many conversations over the years, I came up with a suggestion. 

 “The Preserve. That’s a large swatch of ground to search, but she’s mentioned it several times in the past,” I said. “Something about a hideout? Somewhere safe that she could go when her life became too much.” 

 For some reason, this idea turned Talira sober, reminding me that she’d known Sanya for a while, much like Korix. Was the other shukusen’s betrayal distressing her as much as it was with me? 

 “I’d forgotten about that,” she said before shaking herself. “It’s a good place to look. Thank you. Now, about the shukusenth’s reaction to this debacle.” 

 Wincing, I shifted in place, preparing for the blistering sarcasm and bad news that Talira was sure to rain on me. 

 “I’ve handled it,” she said. “We’ll have no trouble from them.” 

 And I froze, fighting to switch tracks from my expectations. 

 Chuckling, Talira said, “You thought you’d have to handle a shitshow there too, didn’t you? Zae-zae, I’ve been a shukusen for a long time. Mother Time, it feels like forever sometimes. I know how to handle the cranky youngsters who hold the same title as me.” 

 The derision in her tone threatened to send me into peals of laughter, and I coughed into a fist to quell it. 

 “How did you do that?” I asked. “If you can share, of course.” 

 Flapping a hand, Talira said, “I won’t bore you with the details when your attention should be focused elsewhere. Suffice it to say that the other shukusenth believe that you recently sided with Sanya as part of a mission to root out corruption in her House. They think the situation’s under control and that the neurotoxin Sanya released was the only sample that she had available to her.” 

 When she stopped, glancing at where my mouth was hanging open, I slowly closed it. 

 “That last part seems unwise,” I said. “If our scientists can’t engineer an antidote soon, how will we explain it when people across Xygek start complaining about the neurotoxin’s effects?” 

 “I guess you’ll have to do something about that before it happens, won’t you?” Talira said, lifting an eyebrow. 

 She swiped at the air, and in the next instant, a message with an attachment popped into my array. 

 “That’s a list of places where a neurotoxin cannister could have been stored, compiled from the day-to-day activities of Cerullis members and their affiliates,” she continued. “Obviously, we can’t do anything about the cannisters that have already been opened. I have people set to handle that, but for any of them that are still armed, you and the rest of our merry group will neutralize them. I’ve sent your family after the first of them, minus Baely of course.” 

 Well, thank Mother Time for that. Bringing my daughter to the periphery of Kalaski had been one thing. Putting them next to such a dangerous material was another, although… 

 If Sanya had been telling the truth when we’d talked earlier, my daughter had already been infected. 

 “Did you ask her if that was what she wanted?” I asked. “Knowing Baely, she’ll be furious if she’s left sitting around, waiting for others to finish the hard work. Plus, she’ll want to avoid any delay to her House naming ceremony.” 

 Even unlikely as that was to happen. Given current circumstances, Baely might not go through that coming-of-age event for quite a while. Or the shukusenth might push for it to happen anyway, hoping to deflect the average citizen’s suspicion from our perilous situation. If that occurred, I might not be able to keep my promise to my daughter. I might not have time to attend their ceremony. I wasn’t sure which of those circumstances I most hoped for. 

 Giving me an odd look, Talira said, “I… can ask, I suppose.” 

 Nodding, I slapped my knees. 

 “In that case, I should get started,” I said. “This list is long . Even with help, clearing it will take me a while. I anticipate many a sleepless night ahead of me.” 

 “Don’t push yourself too hard. Most likely, the neurotoxin will work more quickly in a weakened body,” Talira said, “but you’ve probably already taken that into account. Good luck, my Lokke Vitras.” 

 After getting to my feet, I hesitated before making my goodbyes, tempted to share everything I’d experienced in Kalaski with Talira. Not only was she probably aware of what happened in that awful place, though, but if I raised a protest over it, she’d easily conclude that I meant to eventually dismantle the place. She knew me that well, and I wasn’t sure if making her aware of that goal was a good idea yet. Later, after I’d laid the groundwork, I might, but not now. 

 So, I merely inclined my head to her. 

 “Best wishes in keeping the shukusenth happy during this crisis,” I said. 

 Snorting, Talira waved me away, and I left the room, reviewing a report that had been hovering in my vision for days. Very little had changed in it, but I knew this wasn’t destined to last long. Even still, I kept it hovering, although I put it out of my mind as I did. 

 Preparing a series of artificial adrenaline bursts, I pulled up a list of possible neurotoxin storage places before heading for the closest one.

Chapter 60: An Update
For the one hundred and forty-sixth time, I stared down the display of a cannister, identical to every other one I’d seen for the last six days, and knew that the slightest mistake could see thousands of people dead within a couple of weeks. Even so, I pressed my finger to the display, ignoring how badly it was trembling. Ignoring how much my vision was blurring. Ignoring how sluggishly my thoughts were running through my head. 

 Damn, I needed another adrenaline burst, but too little time had passed since the last one, and if I induced another one now, I knew the consequences I’d suffer. The line between staying healthy and preserving my mental clarity was a delicate one to walk right now. 

 As I finished with the cannister, its display powered off, and I scrubbed my eyes. Six days had passed since Talira had given me the list, and I was nearly through it. I had a few more places to search, and then, if I was lucky, I could get an hour’s sleep before the next task dropped into my lap. 

 First, though, I had to touch base with the others. After sending a message, letting a clean-up crew know that I was finished here, I headed out. I was meeting with my support team at a nearby caf bar, and as I traveled there, I looked over my report on the neurotoxin’s steady destruction of my body. 

 To everyone’s relief, the poison’s targeting of the peripheral nervous system alone had proven true, leaving a patient’s brain and spinal cord largely untouched. Unfortunately, everything else about it, including its rate of progression, had been unpredictable at best. 

 To this point, I’d been lucky. I’d had some issues with muscle weakness and shortness of breath, but that was it. 

 Others hadn’t been so fortunate. In our group alone, we’d had several bouts of confusion and dizziness, including the fainting spells associated with them, as well as chronic pain throughout the body, and my father was currently in the clinic at the base of House Kolb’s headquarters, kept alive by a respirator. 

 After he'd collapsed, I’d visited him as soon as I could. I hadn’t stayed long, couldn’t with everything on my plate, but even still, I’d run into my mother while I’d been there. When she’d seen me, she’d fallen on me, weeping uncontrollably. It had been an uncomfortable experience, holding my mother up while my father lay half-dead beside us. I hadn’t been thinking about it. Couldn’t think about it, actually. 

 Just like so many other things in my life. 

 When I arrived at the caf bar, it had been cleared out, leaving only my support group behind, and fortunately, none of them were missing. We could begin immediately. 

 Before we did, though, and in the second before they noticed me, I examined them, this group of people that I loved with all my heart. They looked like shit with bloodshot eyes, ruffled hair, and a worn-down air hovering over them, not that I looked much better. In fact, every time I’d seen my reflection in recent days, my heart had stuttered for a moment, so disorienting was the image of a stranger staring back at me. 

 Then, Baely glanced up, smiling when they saw me hovering at the door. 

 “Per!” they called, waving me over. 

 At that, I grinned. Someone—I couldn’t remember who—had been teaching my daughter that she should only call me by my title when we were in public, and every time she ignored that advice, I was so very glad. 

 When I reached the table, I bonelessly dropped into a chair, with not the least bit of grace. I was with my family, and I was tired . I didn’t need to play the role of the perfect Lokke Vitras right now. 

 As soon as I’d relaxed, a drone dropped a caf with its accompanying meal in front of me, and when I frowned at it, wondering what the point of food was, Feena poked me. 

 “Eat,” she said. “We already have.” 

 “And you need to keep up your strength,” my mother said. 

 Wincing, I nodded before picking up a fork. 

 “Reports, please,” I said.  

 I had no idea how they’d understood me. Sleep had so muddled what I’d said that I didn’t recognize my own words, but Damari started giving me what I needed regardless. 

 “North-east quadrant’s clear, best we can tell,” they said, slurring their speech a little. “I’m headed to Misah once we’re done here. See if she needs anything.” 

 When I nodded understanding, Leski reported on her progress, but I was only half-listening, watching my friend instead. I knew that out of everyone, they were the only one who hadn’t been poisoned by the neurotoxin, but they were also unused to how hard we’d been pushing ourselves. From what they’d told me, they’d never used an artificial adrenaline burst before this fiasco had begun, so it didn’t surprise me to see their hands were trembling when they reached for their cup of caf. That they barely avoided missing their mouth when raising it, though, had me narrowing my eyes. Had their sleep deprivation gotten that bad? 

 Then, their hand spasmed, making them drop their cup. Hot liquid splashed over the table and their lap, and hissing, they leapt to their feet while snatching a napkin off of the table. We watched as they patted themselves dry, cursing all the while, and they only noticed our avid attention on them once the danger of gaining burns had passed. 

 “What?” they snapped, tossing their used napkin on the table. “Never seen a bit of clumsiness before?” 

 “Is that all it was?” my mother said. “Clumsiness?” 

 Jerking their head to her, Damari showed her their teeth. They’d never liked my parents. 

 “Yes!” they snarled. “What else would it be?” 

 No one spoke the obvious answer to that question—please say they hadn’t been infected—leaving us in an awkward silence until Korix shifted in place. 

 “Damari, we only want to make sure you’re ok,” he said. “Are you?” 

 For a few heartbeats, Damari hissed air between their teeth, obviously working on calming down, but then, they sat down again, rubbing their eyes. 

 “Yeah, I’m fine,” they said. “Very, very tired, but fine besides that.” 

 Was that the truth, though? I was half-tempted to demand their array’s report on their physical state from them, but that reaction seemed over the top for, as they’d put it, a bit of clumsiness. 

 “Well, if you and Leski have finished sweeping your sectors of the city, you’re free to get some sleep when you like,” I said. “Given that, do you still mean to visit your sister?” 

 Shifting in place, Damari wouldn’t meet my eyes, watching their twiddling thumbs instead. 

 “She needs me to bring her something, which yes. She’s made that request a lot lately,” they said, rolling their eyes, “but it shouldn’t take long, and then, I can get some sleep.” 

 Ah, yes. Misah and her penchant for pulling my friend away from their assigned task. I couldn’t complain since Damari had been keeping up with us over the last few days but still. I had yet to decide whether the young scientist had been more of a hindrance or a help to us. 

 Shrugging, I said, “All right. If you’re ok with that, I won’t protest.” 

 When I waved for Korix to continue with the reports, he crossed his arms. 

 “Baely and I have been finished with our sectors for hours, and you know it,” he said, “so don’t waste time on us.” 

 Years ago, Korix may have agreed to let me play the Lokke Vitras role as I liked without skepticism, but he still found ways to rebuke me at the oddest of times. Fortunately, I found these reprimands more amusing than anything else now. 

 When I turned to my mother, she grimaced. 

 “I’m nearly done, but there are two more sites in my sector,” she said. 

 Before I could reply in a scathing manner, Feena said, “And my report’s the same. I’ve got three left, not two, but I doubt finishing them will take us much time. What about you, Zae?” 

 I wasn’t nearly as close to completion as them, but then, I’d taken most of the locations on the list. Had I told them that when we’d begun this long task, though? It was hard to remember every detail of the last six days, which was strange for me. I should remember them in perfect clarity, like I usually did when on missions. 

 Then again, a lot of strange things had been happening to me lately, not just that. Panic attacks at the oddest of moments, followed by long stretches of time where those fear-laced spells were all but forgotten. Saying things that I’d never meant to speak out loud. All the oddities that I’d started noticing in the twenty-five years since my first dramatic break. 

 Not that I could do anything about that now. I didn’t have the time or energy or safety needed to address it, so for perhaps the thousandth time, I shoved it all deep-down again. 

 Shaking my head, I considered how to answer Feena’s question without embarrassing myself, but before I could decide how to do that, a direct connection established in my array. 

 “Zae-zae, emergency assembly in fifteen minutes,” Talira said. “Get to House Drav’s headquarters.” 

 And that was it. Well, ok then. As the days had progressed my grandmother had been getting increasingly short with me, but that had been a bit extreme. 

 Stretching, I got out of my chair while taking a last sip of caf. 

 “Sorry, everyone. Something’s come up,” I said. 

 I was a little nervous to find out what that something was. At this point, only truly good or truly awful news could spawn an emergency assembly. 

 “If you’re finished with your sector, remain on standby for further instructions,” I said. “Otherwise, keep up the good work.” 

 When I made to leave the caf bar, someone snatched my wrist, although that hold was quickly released. 

 “Uh-uh,” Damari said, wagging a finger at me. “I heard what your family’s been doing over the last week. I’m joining them. Wherever you’re going, we’ll come with you, and once you’re occupied with your job, I’ll visit Misah. Then, bed.” 

 Rolling my eyes, I sighed. 

 “Fine. I was headed to your sister’s location anyway,” I said. “So long as you remember that I don’t need a babysitter. That goes for all of you.” 

 I swept a finger over the group, including my partners and daughter, who were already standing, but they just grinned at me while Feena flapped a hand. 

 “Whatever you say, Zae,” she said. “Get going already.”

Chapter 61: Minimal Progress
Leaving Feena and my mother behind, the rest of us traveled to House Drav’s headquarters in silence, although we mumbled apologies to one another when one of us weaved into another person’s path. This was most notable when I had to catch Damari after they tripped over their own feet. If they realized how much I'd tensed on feeling their body trembling, they didn’t say a word, but I spent the rest of the trip watching them stumble along, biting my lip. Damn, but they were tired. 

 After reaching the appointed tower, we split up. Leski, Korix, and Baely wandered off for a stroll around the park, Damari hurried toward the scientists’ lab, and I followed a receptionist’s directions to a room near the top of the tower, straightening up my appearance as I went. 

 When I arrived, almost all of the shukusenth and First Strata had gathered together. I’d never seen such nervous energy in them before. They were jumpy, letting their eyes rove over the room, and seeing this, I was reminded of House Kolb operatives who’d come home after their first taste of combat. 

 Finding Talira among them, I meandered her way, making greetings when I must. This happened more frequently than I’d expected. 

 After the mistake I’d made, I was amazed that these people could stand to be in the same room as me, let alone say hello, but then, so far as they knew, I’d never made a mistake, and everything was under control. It was just another gram of pressure on the already unbearable load I was carrying. 

 When I reached Talira’s side, I touched her elbow. 

 “My shukusen, I am present, as ordered,” I said. 

 Turning to me, Talira threw her arms wide, smiling. 

 “Ah, my Lokke Vitras! There you are,” she said. “Now that you’re here, we can begin.” 

 Somehow, I kept from frowning. What did she mean, we could begin? We were missing a shukusen … one besides Sanya, at least. Hell, her absence would be weird. 

 No one else seemed to find Talira’s proclamation strange, though. They hurried to their places while I moved as slow as a glacier in comparison. I was missing something. What was it? 

 “I have good and bad news. We’ll start with the bad,” Talira said as she took a seat. “As most of you know, shukusen Orin took a turn for the worse this morning. Fortunately, his First Stratus got him into stasis quickly enough to save his life. Nicely done.” 

 She nodded to the man who was standing behind Orin’s empty chair, and he inclined his head, accepting the compliment. Shifting her attention to the middle of the table, Talira swept at the air, conjuring an image of Orin in an amber capsule. Reports on his condition floated around it, and I winced as I read them. He should be dead right now. Damn. I’d just started liking him. 

 When people around the room started murmuring at one another, Talira raised a calming hand. 

 “Not to worry, my friends. Orin and by proxy, we will be fine,” she said. “The experts investigating the neurotoxin in our bloodstreams say that once we clean this poison from our bodies, our arrays will be able to heal any damage that it’s done while within us. That brings me to my good news, though. We’re close to having a working antidote, but a final piece is required. To explain this, I’ll have one of my experts join us.” 

 Again, she gestured, and the room’s doors opened to reveal Misah. With a frown, I watched her shuffle closer with her eyes fixed on the floor. 

 …Interesting choice by Talira. The other two scientists might be reprehensible people, but at least they had a modicum of self-confidence, something Misah seemed to lack. Perhaps the other two had thought that explaining their findings to the shukusenth was unworthy of their time. 

 Also, Damari wouldn’t be happy, having to wait for their sister to finish up here. 

 Stopping between Talira and Pheniks’ chair, Misah cleared her throat before lifting her hand to waist level. Clearing her throat again, she kept her eyes pinned on the floor as an image of a chemical formula and its molecular structure was projected above her palm, and hastily, Talira swiped the image of Orin away so everyone could see this new image. 

 “Here is what we’ve been studying for the last six days,” Misah said with her voice trembling. “Using a small sample of willing and infected test subjects, we’ve been working on several antidotes, hoping that one of them might break what you see into smaller, more harmless pieces that the body can evacuate on its own. Unfortunately, we’ve run into a problem here.” 

 She poked at the model, making it enlarge until only a portion of it was visible. On this portion, a fine, green mesh coated the neurotoxin’s molecules, but unlike with most organic particles, this mesh shimmered, if only to a degree. 

 “We’re not sure what this is, only that when an antidote comes near the neurotoxin, this sleeve repairs anything that’s been damaged, like what our arrays do for us.” 

 With a faint smile, Misah cupped her hand before brushing her fingertips along the model’s underside, rotating it. 

 “It’s fascinating, really,” she said. “I’ve never seen anything reverse damage so quickly before, not even RRDs. Nothing we’ve introduced to an infected person’s system can keep up with its rate of healing.” 

 When she fell silent, I glanced over the s hukusenth, cursing in my head. This explanation wasn’t making them relax. In fact, some of them looked like they were on the brink of a panic attack. Before that could happen, Talira rested a hand on the scientist’s shoulder. 

 “Misah, dear, tell them what you shared with me an hour ago, please,” she said. 

 Taking a sip of air, Misah shook herself. 

 “Right. My apologies. It’s just that one of my test subjects is approaching a terminal state, and I don’t know if I can deal with that…” 

 Trailing off, she bit her lip for a moment before shaking her head. 

 Poking at the green mesh, she said. “So, as you’ve probably surmised, this sleeve is all that’s keeping us from a working antidote. If we’re to defeat it, my fellow scientists and I need to study it, separated from the rest of the neurotoxin, but to date, we haven’t been able to pull the two apart. Fortunately, this morning, we identified a way to secure a sample of this molecular sleeve with nothing else attached to it.  

 "You see, in our tests, we’ve been getting strange radiation readings from the neurotoxin, ones that we couldn’t make sense of. We hadn’t seen readings like that in any habitable portion of Lutov. 

 “I’ve been trying to trace how the neurotoxin was formed, and as part of that, I was studying Cerullis’ requisition orders from over the last few decades. While I was reviewing those orders this morning, I figured out what those strange radiation readings are. 

 “For about twenty years, Cerullis has been consolidating their acquisitions from the Tainted Lands in their headquarters. Given that, we might be getting strange readings from the neurotoxin because a part of it originated in that irradiated place, the land where our last war concluded. If true and given how advanced the neurotoxin’s sleeve is when compared to anything else Lutov has seen, said sleeve might be alien in nature. Conclusion? The molecules making up this sleeve once belonged to those from beyond the stars.” 

 Thoroughly pleased with herself, Misah lifted her gaze to beam at us, but we only greeted her with gaping mouths and bugged eyes. Well, all of us but Talira and me. In this dense silence, Misah clenched her hand into a fist, making the model disappear, and coughed, folding her arms behind her. 

 “If it helps, we don’t think finding a molecular sample will be difficult,” she said. “My fellow scientists have mentioned seeing similar molecules in every alien artifact they’ve studied in the past. Because of its prevalence, they believe that what we’re looking for may be a basic building block for the aliens’ organic matter, like carbon is for us. Except that it would be more complex, of course. Because carbon’s an element and what we need is… a… molecule.” 

 Misah bit her tongue—I could see her doing it—to stop talking. I couldn’t blame her for wanting to fill the silence, though. It was tense enough. 

 “So… what you’re saying is that you need us to find you an alien corpse,” Pheniks blankly said. 

 Nodding, Misah said, “It would be a good start, yes.” 

 Start? 

 Across the table, Raelle guffawed, slapping a hand to her mouth, while Pheniks slowly rotated until he was facing Misah. 

 “My dear, in the millennia that Zan’s been venturing into the Tainted Lands, we’ve never encountered a body belonging to those from beyond the stars,” he said, “and on the slim chance that they left anything like that on our planet, it’s sure to have decomposed by now.” 

 Scowling, Misah crossed her arms. 

 “How did Cerullis and your own House get their hands on the molecule, then?” she said. “It can’t have come from nowhere, and as I’ve outlined, its origin point seems obvious. Neither Cerullis nor Zan could have manufactured it on their own.” 

 Reddening, Pheniks opened his mouth to answer, but Talira stepped in before he could speak. 

 “We can’t afford to argue over how impossible this request might seem,” she said. “Right now, we have one shukusen who’s trying to kill us, one who’s in stasis, and four who are infected with something horrible. We’ll take any path that might lead to an antidote, even if my experts will continue looking for an alternative while we do. Yes?” 

 Pheniks relaxed while Misah nodded. 

 “My test subjects need that antidote just as much as you do, so of course we’ll keep looking,” she said. 

 Smiling, Talira said, “Excellent. Misah, my dear, you should get back to work. Your test subjects aren’t going to test themselves, yes? The rest of us will discuss how to get what you need.” 

 Bowing, Misah said, “Yes, shukusen.” 

 We waited until she’d left before breaking into pandemonium. 

 “How the fuck do you propose that we find an alien corpse, Talira?” Marza snapped. “Do you expect the members of our Houses to scour the Tainted Lands for you?” 

 “And if we agreed to do something so insane, how would we guarantee their survival?” Pheniks added. “Even this many centuries later, radiation levels in the Tainted Lands are still ridiculously high, hence the demarcation line. No one can be there, unprotected, for more than a day before RRDs can do nothing to save their life.” 

 As the other shukusenth nodded or murmured agreement, I mentally rolled my eyes. Even as tired as I was, the answer to their questions seemed obvious to me. 

 “We’ll break the search down. Start at the sites of our closet battles with those from beyond the stars. If the aliens left any bodies behind, it’s likely to be at a site like that,” I said. “One such battle was held near the ruins of Nasmi, although that one was small. We won’t find much there, but even still, it would be a good place to start.” 

 Every eye in the room, including Talira’s, turned toward me, staring for an interminably long time before I sighed and cocked my head. 

 “Have I said something unusual?” I said. “After the Ancients Crisis, I did some research into our war with those from beyond the stars. At the time, my lack of knowledge about the conflict was a problem, so I figured it might cause trouble again.” 

 Shaking her head, Talira twisted to face the others. 

 “I’ve done the same, and I suspect that a few of you have also done it, no matter the stigma attached to the subject,” she said. “So, out with it! Let’s hear suggestions for places to search.” 

 For a moment, no one said anything, but then, Raelle lifted two fingers off of the table. 

 “We could try Stralberg in old Roswines,” she hesitantly said. “It’s far away, but those from beyond the stars besieged that city for months.” 

 “Since it’s on the other side of the continent, that one may go toward the bottom of the list, but it’s an excellent suggestion nonetheless. Thank you, Raelle,” Talira said. “Anyone else?” 

 From there, people were more than happy to share their ideas, even the First Strata behind their shukusenth, and before long, we had a list to rival the one I’d just finished off. Apparently, in a war for survival, people fought a lot. 

 “This is too much,” Marza said, scanning the list that Talira had made. “We did this to narrow down the field of places we must search, and it’s only gotten wider!” 

 I’d argue that. Sure, with so many towns’ names floating in front of us, it might seem that way, but this was still a much narrower search radius than the entirety of the Tainted Lands. Even still, we’d never get through this list before the neurotoxin debilitated us, even if every able-bodied House member helped with tackling it, and I doubted the shukusenth wanted to give that order, as it would reveal our weakened state to the Lutovish populace. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to further narrow the field. 

 “Fuck,” Raelle breathed. “We’re going to die.” 

 I didn’t think she’d meant for us to hear that, but we did, and it drew our attention to her like mosquitos to blood. She didn’t seem to notice, too focused on her clenched hands. 

 Here was where I should step in with an encouraging word for them. I was supposed to give every Lutovish, even these people, surety in all things, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but be petty this time. I watched these people grapple with the idea of death, something that I did on a near daily basis, and wanted to laugh at how panicked it turned most of them, even as I prepared to be the support they needed. 

 Pheniks got there first. Shaking himself, he turned to Talira with a grave expression in place. 

 “We could always ask them where to look,” he said. “I know contacting them usually isn’t wise, but with what’s at stake-” 

 Talira sharply shook her head. 

 “No. Trust me, Pheniks. Nothing good ever comes of asking them for a favor,” she said. “We’ll find another way.” 

 To my great surprise, the other shukusenth seemed to have followed that exchange. Some of them were speculatively watching Talira and Pheniks while the others had closed off. Thankfully, the other First Stratus looked just as lost as me, so maybe we’d stumbled onto a shukusen secret. If it was that, though, I should still know about it, even if I’d had to ferret it out for myself. Still, there was no time like the present to do that, even if asking about it now would reveal the fact that I’d been ignorant of this secret. 

 “Forgive me, my shukusen, but who is ‘them’?” I said. “And if they might know where we should look, why aren’t we asking them about it?” 

 Now, I was the lodestone of the room’s gazes while Talira rested her elbows on the table, burying her face in her hands. 

 After a moment, Marza said, “Really, Talira? You haven’t told him yet?” 

 As Talira tensed, I laid my hands on the back of her chair. 

 “The fault for my ignorance lies not with my shukusen but with me. I should have learned about this on my own, long before now,” I said. “Let’s correct that oversight now, shall we?” 

 After glancing at their First Stratus, the various shukusenth pursed their lips or sighed before Marza folded her hands on the table. 

 “There’s a… prison, we’ll call it, at the south-western tip of the Eastern Reaches,” she said. “A group of people, unaffiliated with Lutov or Ibis, have made it their home.” 

 And for the second time in three decades, a set of words from the past ran through my head. 

 Our friends in the Eastern Reaches told me. 

 You’ve made a trip to the southernmost tip of the Eastern Reaches. 

 And a more recent addition. 

 I never said that the facility was run by Kolb. 

 Who, then? 

 A group unassociated with Lutov’s Houses. 

 “The Chosen,” I said. 

 Had those words sounded faint to anyone else? 

 Frowning, Marza cocked her head. 

 “You’ve heard of them?” she said. 

 While I slowly nodded, Talira heaved a sigh. 

 “I’ve been fighting to keep this from happening for years,” she said, as if to herself. 

 But then, she lifted her face out of her hands, shaking them, before twisting in her chair toward me. 

 “Marza’s talking about the Chosen’s base of operation,” she said, “and in answer to your other question, horrible things inevitably happen to anyone who makes a request of them. So, if we decided to send someone to speak with them…” 

 …it would be someone semi-disposable. It would be me, ever Lutov’s sacrifice. 

 Well, fuck me. I didn’t know what to think about what Talira had suggested, but my beliefs about it didn’t matter right now, did they? Pinching my nose, I lifted a hand to beckon at Talira. 

 “Give me the coordinates.”

Chapter 62: Getting There
After the assembly had concluded, I wandered to the lobby of House Drav’s headquarters in a haze. I wasn’t worried about my new, supposedly ‘horrible’ fate, half convinced that past incidents of this phenomenon were coincidences, and I was used to getting served up on a platter like this. People perpetually threw me into situation that were sure to kill me. That wasn’t why I was dazed. I was just exhausted, and my overworked brain was having a hard time with processing the twists and turns that the previous conversation had taken. 

 I had enough clarity of mind to send a message to my sister. Much as I might like to ignore this fact, she was Chosen. Questioning her about their base of operations would be wise, and while I was there, I’d like to have her at my side. 

 When I reached the lobby, I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I almost ran into Damari. 

 “Whoa! Careful there, LV,” they said, steadying me. “You ok? You look like someone gave ya bad news.” 

 Rather than answering them, I ran my eyes over my friend. They looked better and yet, somehow worse. While energy had been infused in their body, they were visibly trembling now, which made me wonder. Had they induced another artificial adrenaline burst? I’d thought they were heading home to sleep after meeting their sister. Or had Misah perhaps given them something to help with their own exhaustion? 

 With their smile slipping, Damari said, “LV?” 

 I smiled to reassure them that I was all right, although that didn’t seem to work. As I moved to pat their arm, a crease formed between their eyebrows, and just in time, I remembered how much they disliked being touched, stopping halfway through the gesture. 

 “Let’s find my family, shall we?” I said. “I’ll explain what’s happened once we’re together.” 

 “Sure…” Damari drawled. 

 They continued to watch me as we left House Drav’s headquarters, making a quick circuit of the park outside. With the help of this place’s recorders, pinpointing my family’s location didn’t take long. They were sitting on a bench, eating ice cream, and as we approached, Baely threw back her head and laughed . 

 With my breath catching, I stopped short, and even with my vision misting, I couldn’t take my eyes off of my daughter. In their new attire, they were beautiful with laughter lighting them up so poignantly that I felt like I was in a chokehold. I saw Leski in the way they wrinkled their nose, but as usual, I ignored the obvious signs of their biological father’s identity, focusing instead on how happy they looked. After everything I’d done in my life, how had I been lucky enough to get a daughter like them? When would I eventually destroy them? 

 Slowly breathing out, I pinched my wrist, never removing my gaze from my family. 

 “You can’t think like that,” I said to myself. 

 “Like what?” 

 Reluctantly, I shifted my eyes to Damari. 

 “Like a fatalistic idiot who thinks everything’s his fault,” I said. 

 Cocking their head, Damari said, “But that’s who you are, LV. Sometimes.” 

 They stuck their tongue out at me, making me chuckle. 

 “True,” I said, “but I’m trying to be someone else. That man’s no fun to be around.” 

 Damari gave me an odd look. 

 “All parts of you are fun to be around, even the pessimist who drowns himself in misery,” they said, “but he’s less fun than others, yes. So, let’s get ya to your family before he makes an appearance.” 

 As they took off, I softly smiled, hugging myself so I didn’t do the same thing to them. 

 “You really are a fantastic friend, Damari,” I said. 

 Snorting, they called over their shoulder, “Well, yeah. Duh.” 

 With them already halfway to my family, I didn’t get time for more than a single laugh before I had to catch up. As we approached, Korix, who’d been idly watching us, lifted a hand off the back of the bench, which alerted the others to our presence. While Baely grinned at us, Leski leapt to her feet so she could fling herself at me. I struggled to maintain my balance as she nuzzled into my chest, and Damari rolled their eyes. 

 “We were only gone for an hour, tops!” they said. “From this reception, you’d think it was a week.” 

 Without pulling her face away from my chest, Leski punched at their arm, which they barely dodged, stumbling as they did so. 

 …Why did they look so unsteady? 

 “So?” they said. “Where’s that explanation you promised?” 

 When Damari perched on the bench’s arm, Korix scooched over to give them room, but they didn’t take advantage of it, crossing a leg instead. Curling their fingers, they laid their chin on the heel of their palm, intently staring at me, and I suppressed a laugh at how serious they’d turned. 

 After looking everyone over, I said, “I have new orders, all from the recent assembly.” 

 I proceeded to tell them everything, including where I was going and who I was meeting with, and as I talked, every face, save for Baely’s, slid into the detachment that was typical for mission mode. My daughter, on the other hand, went white, slumping more thoroughly into their seat with each word, and I wished that I could make this easier for them, truly. If something went wrong over the next couple of days, though, it would be better if they heard this news from my lips than from their parents or a stranger. 

 “So, that’s it. We need a sample of this molecule, and the Chosen might know where to find it. That’s where I’m headed,” was what I finished with. “Any questions?” 

 For a while, no one said a word, letting the park’s natural noise fill the silence, until Baely leaned forward to take my hand. 

 Licking her lips, she said, “There’s no one else who can do this? Someone who’s reached a terminal point in their poisoning maybe? Or… I don’t know. A criminal who’s in stasis?” 

 With a sigh, I crouched in front of her. 

 “Honey. Even if there was someone else, I wouldn’t want them to go. You know that,” I said, “but you don’t need to worry. This isn’t the most dangerous thing I’ve faced in my life. I’ll be fine. All right?” 

 Hesitantly, Baely nodded, but I still saw doubt in her eyes, which I hated. She was only twenty-five! She shouldn’t be worrying if her dad would come home from a mission yet.  

 Hell. I’d done a shit job of shielding her from the truth of my life. 

 Hugging our daughter, Leski said, “I’d guess that you want us to stay here.” 

 And her voice had been so empty. Mother Time, I despised seeing mission mode on her, on any of them! But that was where I needed them to be right now. 

 “How would you help me with this? It’s a single meeting,” I said. “I’d rather if you stayed here, ready to help me with the search once I have the information we need.” 

 “I can accept that,” Leski said. 

 Pulling our daughter to her, she rubbed Baely’s arms, and I did my best to ignore the tears that were sliding over their cheeks. 

 “Even if you leave them here, you should bring me,” Korix said. “I’ve met the Chosen before. I could ease you through the introduction, move the conversation along…” 

 He trailed off as I shook my head. 

 “Think, Ko. If I brought any of you along, you’d have to wait outside while I made my request of these people,” I said. “Speaking to them requires a certain security clearance level, one you don’t have anymore.” 

 Looking away, Korix swallowed before nodding, and I shuffled forward to lay my arms across my family’s legs. 

 “Listen to me,” I said. “I’ll be fine. After the last week, where we’ve been infected with a neurotoxin and deprived of sleep for far too long, I know that this supposed curse may seem daunting, but think about it rationally. When compared to everything else we’ve faced, this danger is nothing.” 

 And I grinned. 

 “So, stop looking at me like I’m a dead man! I need to leave so I can quickly return.” 

 Slowly, they relaxed, leaning toward me, and I gathered them close. 

 “I love you more than I can say,” I whispered into the safety of our embrace. 

 Then, I released them, popping to my full height. Kissing my palm, I laid it on each of their heads. Leski rolled her eyes as I touched hers. 

 “See you soon.” 

 As if ripping off a bandage, I turned, heading for House Kolb’s headquarters. I didn’t notice that Damari was keeping pace with me until a few steps into the walk. 

 “Upset that you didn’t get a teary farewell from me?” I said. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to greet you when I get back.” 

 They didn’t laugh, though, keeping their jaw set as they stared straight ahead. 

 “Damari…” I drawled, “is something wrong?” 

 “You need a pilot,” they said. 

 Slowing down, I cocked my head at them. 

 “Yes, and I can find one in headquarters,” I said. “You should go home and get some sleep.” 

 They stopped short, nearly making me trip over myself, before meeting my eyes with the fiercest and most determined look I’d ever seen on them in place. 

 “You need a good pilot,” they said. 

 “Yes…” I said. “Just like you need rest-” 

 “Zaeden.” 

 My name, spoken by someone who rarely said it, snapped my mouth shut. 

 “You’re taking me with you,” they said, daring me to deny them. “I can be useful to you, and I don’t give a shit if I have to wait outside while you’re conducting your business. Take me with you.” 

 Oh, wow… Damari had never been this assertive with me. Bossy? Sure. Secure with their in-your-face attitude? Always. But telling me exactly what they wanted with no question of whether I’d refuse them? Never. 

 Licking my lips, I said, “You’ll have to sleep during the flight.” 

 “Obviously,” Damari said with an eye roll. 

 “Then… ok,” I said. “Thank you.” 

 With a snort, Damari brushed past me while beckoning for me to follow. 

 “Yeah, whatever, LV. Let’s go.” 

 Feena met us outside the entrance to headquarters. 

 “What’s with the summons, little brother?” she said. “I was busy.” 

 “And I’m sorry about tearing you away from your task,” I said, “but this is where I’m going next. Figured you’d want to come.” 

 I waved my location’s coordinates her way, and when she saw them, Feena’s eyes popped wide before she shot them my way. 

 “You’ve been summoned?” she asked with all of the world’s horror in her voice. 

 Summoned? What was that supposed to mean? 

 Frowning at her, I said, “No. I need to ask your friends a question, and since they don’t accept messages or direct connections…” 

 I trailed off as Feena scowled. 

 “The Chosen are not my friends, just… associates, if you have to use a label,” she said, “and what sort of question are you asking them? You’re not requesting a favor from them, are you?” 

 Waving off Feena’s suspicions, I stepped around her to head inside. 

 “Spare me. I’ve already heard about what happens to people who speak with the Chosen,” I said. “I don’t give it much credence. Look at how often I’ve asked you for a favor without a problem!” 

 “She’s Chosen?” Damari sputtered behind me. 

 When I glanced back at them with a raised eyebrow, they tightly closed their mouth, although they kept their eyes fixed on my sister. 

 “I’m not like them, though,” she said. “Right now, I’m relatively unimportant. My time to shine—if that’s what you want to call it—won’t come until much later. Talking to people who are more relevant to the present moment can have severe consequences, and Mother Time help you if you have to speak with her.” 

 I transferred the incredulous look that I’d had for Damari to Feena. 

 “Her?” 

 Flapping a hand, Feena said, “It’s not important. She probably won’t be at base, rarely is, but the point remains. This is a bad idea. Unless you have a compelling reason for it?” 

 Stopping at a lift, I input a floor destination, never taking my eyes off of my sister. 

 “I have a compelling reason,” I said. “Are you coming or not?” 

 Heaving a sigh, Feena hung her head. 

 “I’ll come with you, of course,” she said. “Don’t know how much help I’ll be, though. I can’t discuss anything about the Chosen unless I’ve gotten approval for it first.” 

 That was unfortunate. Oh, well. 

 “Then, you can make introductions for me,” I said. “Come on, Feena. You’re an intelligent woman. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to help.” 

 When I stuck my tongue out at her, Feena swatted at me, and laughing, I avoided the blow, stepping into the lift.  

 Once we were in a strike ship, Damari didn’t let me settle into a seat in the back. 

 “Would you sit with me for this flight? Please?” they asked. “I could use the company.” 

 Which was how I found myself sitting up front while Lake Sonis rushed beneath us. A few minutes ago, Damari had curled up in their chair before falling into a deep sleep, complete with drool and snoring, and for a while, I’d watched them, marveling at the strange picture of peace and trouble that they were presenting. I wasn’t sure what sort of bad dream had their face scrunched up like they were in pain, but I wished I could make it better for them, even if waking them up seemed like a bad idea. 

 I should probably join them in sleep. For the last day or so, my eyes had been swimming in acid, and everything about me was so sluggish, but any time I’d tried to relax or drift away since boarding, something had yanked me back to the waking world. I suspected it might have to do with the complex bundle that I’d delayed with tackling since Sanya had started this disaster. It certainly felt like my many sleepless nights in the months after I’d broken Pheniks’ trust. 

 Hell, how had I let my emotional state get so out of control again? This was nothing like the barely managed chaos that I’d enjoyed for most of my life, instead steadily getting worse with every passing day and new challenge that I must face. It was almost, almost overwhelming. 

 In the end, I had to start a dream sequence. While not as restful as natural sleep, using one of them would be better for me than staying awake for the flight. 

 Damari woke me up as we were making a final approach to the Chosen’s base. Below us, the sicky grass and barren rock of the Eastern Reaches had given way to the foothills of the Barasgami Mountains, and nestled between those rounded peaks was a facility similar to many others across Lutov, save for a single detail. 

 “Is that a galnuka around the building?” Damari asked. 

 It was, although this one was much shorter than most were. Instead of reaching into the heavens—as it should—it rose only a few meters above the building’s roof, but despite that, a blue mesh of lasers and fluorescent particles separated the Chosen’s base from the world. 

 “I hope you can contact these people, LV, because there’s no way in hell I’m getting through that,” Damari said, “and they’ve placed it so close to the walls that I can’t go over it to make a landing. I may be a decent pilot but…” 

 They shrugged while I narrowed my eyes at our view. Why would the Chosen need a defense like this, considering how secretive they were about their very existence? 

 A knock on the door that separated us from the back had me granting clearance to Feena, letting her join us. I probably should have let Damari do that. Deciding who was in the front of a strike ship was a pilot’s prerogative, and I’d just ignored that custom. 

 My friend was acting extremely sluggish, though, as if not fully awake yet. Drooped in their seat, they swiped at the air with hands that looked like they weighed far too much, but when they noticed my concerned look, they shook their head with a sloppy grin. 

 “Keep going,” Feena told them. “They know we’re coming, so the galnuka should drop right about… now.” 

 As she’d said, the laser wall flickered out of existence while a hangar door opened in the wall behind it, and Damari brought us in to land with their face drawn into grim lines. Not that I could blame them for their unease. We were entering potentially hostile territory. 

 “Stay in the strike ship,” I said. “Be ready to go at a moment’s notice.” 

 “You’ve got it, LV,” Damari said. 

 Twisting to my feet, I patted the back of Damari’s chair and followed Feena into the hangar. 

Chapter 63: How to Cage an All-Powerful Mage
From an initial scan of the hangar, I’d say the Chosen kept a neat base of operations. Everything here was in its proper place with each surface scrubbed clean, which was unusual for a place like that. Typically, shuttles and strike ships came through a hangar far too quickly for it to be this spotless, but from what I understood, the Chosen didn’t get many visitors. 

 Stopping beside me, Feena hugged herself, biting a lip as she ran her eyes over the hangar, and I raised an eyebrow at her, intent on keeping my mouth shut as much as possible while in this place. My sister could speak for me. 

 Still, with no one here to greet us, should we wait, or could we make ourselves at home? Before I could voice this question, a door on the other side of the hangar slid open, and a harried-looking woman, a- a child of Ibis flew through it. 

 The Chosen didn’t discriminate between children of Ibis and Lutovish? If this was true, I couldn’t help but smile about it. I didn’t care what other people said about the Chosen or how much fear was shown to them. Already, I liked these people. 

 When she reached us, the woman bent to clutch her knees, taking gulps of air, and while she recovered, Feena and I watched her with amusement. After a moment, she straightened. 

 “Apologies for the wait,” she gasped, “but you—” 

 She shoved a finger at me. 

 “—are early.” 

 Odd way to greet someone. 

 Brushing her hand out of my face, I said, “I didn’t mean to cause you distress. Hopefully, you can forgive me for it.” 

 Wrinkling her nose, the unknown woman glanced at Feena. 

 “Awfully polite, isn’t he?” she said. 

 For her part, Feena relaxed her hold on her chest. 

 “Yes, Dee, he is,” she said. “I’m guessing from our reception that our arrival was expected, then?” 

 “Mmhmm! For a long time now,” Dee said, eagerly nodding. “Didn’t you get the update?” 

 “I’ve been a bit busy,” Feena said. 

 “Oh, right! Prepping this one for a dark day,” Dee said. “How’d that go?” 

 Dark day? Before I could ask about that, both women turned toward me while the child of Ibis ran her eyes over my body. 

 “Not so well,” Feena said. 

 With a brittle smile, I said, “If you’re quite done talking about me like I’m not here, I’d like to discuss why I’ve come to this place.” 

 At that, Dee lit up like the sun. 

 “Of course! You need access to a body, yes? Specifically, one belonging to our recent alien invaders,” she said. “I’ll take you to our expert on them.” 

 Recent alien invaders? The war with those from beyond the stars had taken place over a millennia ago! Also, how had this woman known what I needed? 

 As she spun to lead the way, I caught Feena’s eye. 

 ‘You told her?’ I mouthed. 

 With a worried pinch to her eyes, my sister shook her head. 

 ‘Then, how…?’ 

 Shrugging, Feena hurried to catch up, forcing me to do the same. As we trotted across the hangar, I reminded myself that I shouldn’t get irritated right now. Sure, Feena and Dee had been talking above my head, discussing things that I didn’t understand, but even still, I was here to ask a favor. Dee could act as strangely as she wanted. 

 Unfortunately, dismissing my annoyance was difficult today. 

 When we reached the hangar door, a man hustled through it, nearly bowling me over in his haste. Without acknowledging us, he made a beeline for the strike ship, and I’d taken a step to follow him when Dee grabbed my arm, hugging it to her. 

 “Oh, leave him be. He’s just doing his job,” she said. “Besides, your friend isn’t the one you’re meant to protect.” 

 She expectantly gazed at me, but whatever she wanted, I couldn’t provide. I couldn’t move, stuck in place. Fortunately, Feena recognized my problem, resting a hand on the other woman’s shoulder. 

 “Let him go, Dee,” she said. “Despite how relaxed he looks, he’s on edge, and you know what that means.” 

 Rapidly blinking, Dee said, “Oh.” 

 She dropped my arm, watching with fascination as I made the knife I’d been holding disappear. I didn’t like that a Chosen had boarded the strike ship behind me, presumably with the intent of speaking with Damari, but I couldn’t let that situation affect me. My friend could handle themselves, so once I’d collect myself, I waved toward the door. 

 “After you.” 

 The interior of the Chosen’s base was as immaculate as what we’d found in the hangar, but here, there was color, coming from plant life and artwork. Not many people were walking down the halls, but the few who did were from both sides of the water. Seeing Lutovish and children of ibis working together as equals, as we were always meant to be, gave me great pleasure, a glimpse of a lifelong goal made manifest. 

 This blissful sense of contentment lasted until we turned another corner and I saw a man made of only white striding toward us. In a blink, I was in front of Feena, pulling her to safety, with my requested rifle aimed at the mage’s face, and he stopped short, lifting his hands. After a beat of stunned silence, Dee clicked her tongue before pulling my arm down. 

 “Please. I know you’ve fought many iisen over your life, but surely you must recognize by now that we Chosen won’t hurt you, protector,” she said. “Now, come.” 

 She took off again, and hesitantly, I followed with Feena at my back, watching the mage the whole time. He maintained my stare until he’d fallen out of view. 

 Had that man been one of the iisen I’d handed off to Feena over the decades, there to be delivered to parts unknown, or someone else? I wished I could say that I remembered the faces of the people I’d brought in, but the sad truth was that after so many decades spent catching mages, they’d started blurring together. 

 I was still contemplating this when Dee stopped beside a door. 

 “Before we meet with Lan, I should warn you two about a few things, doubly so in your case,” she said with a bemused smile at me. “First of all, ze’s an ii . Get over it. Second! Ze is eccentric. So, you know… prepare yourself.” 

 Giving me no time to protest that spiel, she marched through the door, tugging me and Feena after her by proxy. The room beyond was dim, excessively so, and seeing that, I touched a glow ball in my pocket, activating it. A mage who enjoyed the dark? Usually, that indicated that they were a Shade, commanding one of the most powerful liiaresim in existence, and if this was so, my glow ball would give me some form of defense against this one. 

 In the low light, I spotted a blobby figure in a chair, hunched over a desk in the corner. I couldn’t tell what ze was doing, but ze stiffened when we entered. 

 “Stay here for a moment,” Dee said. 

 Before she could move, however, the figure spoke. 

 “No closer, please. You’ll disturb my babies. What do you want, Dee?” 

 Completely unphased by the ii’s brusque behavior, Dee said, “I’ve brought you the protector, Lan.” 

 If there had been a trace of sarcasm in that last bit, Lan ignored it. Throwing zir head back, ze groaned. 

 “Eighteen minutes, forty-one seconds, and fifty-eight milliseconds early,” ze said. “If you rushed while getting him here, I’ll mess with your digestive system for a week, Dee.” 

 So, ze was also a Somadept. Given zir probable Shade liiaresim, that was a scary combination of magics.  

 Even so, Dee didn’t seem to care. With her eyes fixed on the ceiling, she shook her head. 

 “Yes, yes,” she said. “Now, will you hear his request, or are you going to be-?” 

 “Fifty-eight degrees, fifty-one minutes, and fifty-four seconds north. One hundred and eight degrees, fifty-four minutes, and twenty-five seconds west. Your coordinates,” Lan rattled off. “Now, get out of my hair.” 

 Sighing, Dee rolled her head toward me, giving me a look. 

 “I told you ze was eccentric,” she said. 

 I shrugged. If I’d gotten what I needed without a word spoken on my part, so much the better for me. Even still, I was curious how Lan had known the coordinates I’d need before I’d made my request. Also, ze’s lack of research before giving me an answer was concerning, but at this point, I wouldn’t question it. I was already working off of a series of long shots and shaky theories. What was one more? 

 “Hell, you’re just as strange as zir,” Dee said to herself. “Fine. Bye, Lan. See you never, hopefully.” 

 Ze made a noncommittal noise, but Dee was already halfway out of the room, uninterested in hearing it. As we left, I nudged my sister, lifting both eyebrows. Were the Chosen always this strange? 

 She’d turned inward, however, only paying attention enough to chuckle at my implication. As we meandered back to the hangar, I kept an eye on her, noting how she hadn’t once stopped chewing on her lip. What had her so concerned? 

 As if to throw me further off balance, Feena fully returned to the present when we reached the hangar, stopping short with blood draining from her face. Dee didn’t look much better, leaving her mouth flapping while she stared ahead, and when I glanced toward what had captured their attention, I cocked my head. Why had a single mage elicited such an extreme reaction from them? 

 To be fair, this one looked different from every other ii I’d ever seen. They tended to wear all white, matching their clothing to their body’s complexion, and it was usually cut into a flowing robe. This girl… teenager really, was wearing a pair of form-fitting pants and a loose sweater, and it was all black, my favorite color for clothing. 

 She was talking with the man who’d stormed past us earlier, seemingly oblivious to how much he was cringing away from her, and on top of that, he was wringing his hands, as if expecting her to destroy him at any minute. Considering how many mages I’d seen here, that reaction seemed out of proportion. Was this ii truly so dangerous? 

 “I have to go,” Dee faintly said. “Will you…?” 

 Feena just nodded, letting our guide vanish in a flurry, and I turned toward my sister while watching the mage. 

 “Threat level?” I asked. 

 Jumping, Feena glanced over at me, landing her eyes on where I was touching a weapon. 

 Slapping my hand, she hissed, “You cannot attack her. Not even if she hurts me or you. The world needs her far more than it needs us. Promise me.” 

 Ha! Like I’d ever let someone attack a loved one without killing them first. Still. If it would put Feena at ease… 

 “Ok,” I said. “I think.” 

 Snorting, Feena patted my arm. 

 “Don’t worry,” she said. “From what I understand, you’re her favorite.” 

 Wha-? 

 Feena pushed me forward, and scowling at her, I made my way toward the strike ship. When I was halfway there, the mage glanced up, and when she saw me, she broke into a beatific grin. 

 “Zae-zae!” she shouted. 

 She started running toward me while the man she’d been speaking with slunk away. I froze, strung between my promise to my sister and a need to defend myself. Normally, I could easily resolve an internal conflict like this, but this time, exhaustion made it last a tad too long, long enough for the mage to notice my hesitation. Slowing, she stopped several paces away with something sad moving across her face. 

 “You don’t know me,” she said. 

 “Should I?” I asked. 

 Everything about this visit had made me uncomfortable—how the hell did they know so much about me and what I needed?—and given how strange it had been, I wasn’t sure how to steer myself into safe waters with this conversation. Slumping, the mage shook her head, but after a few heartbeats, she straightened, putting on a brave face. 

 “Why should you know me? We haven’t met yet,” she said. “Let’s change that, shall we?” 

 Stepping forward, she offered me a hand, and when I stared at it, unmoving, she chuckled. 

 “I’m not a Somadept, Zae-zae,” she said. “Shade, Vanisher, Vimian, and Earthshaker? Yes. Somadept? No.” 

 Which meant there was no harm in taking her hand. As I shook it, I frowned. Iisen weren’t normally so free with sharing which magic types they controlled, so why had she told me hers? 

 “You are Zaeden. Protector of the avaarien, the progenitor’s partner, the most reluctant of Lokke Vitras, and the only Lutovish in a long while who claims no House,” the mage said, “and I am Sol.” 

 With a slow blink, I fought the need to shake my head, hoping to clear it. If I did that, it would reveal how badly she’d shaken me. Having a complete stranger speak one of my deepest secrets aloud felt… strange, but her name pulled me free of shock. I latched onto it, unwilling to contemplate how this mage knew so much about me. Not now. 

 Sol. Where had I heard that name? After a moment’s thought, I clicked my tongue. Kalaski. Right. The other fucking strange thing that had happened recently. 

 “I have a message for you,” I said, barely noticing how empty I sounded. “The mages of Kalaski wanted you to know that ‘they, the faithful, have accomplished their part of your vision’.” 

 Releasing me, Sol flung a hand over her mouth while tears filled her eyes. 

 “Then… they are…” 

 Swallowing hard, she forced a smile. 

 “Thank you for conveying the message, Zae-zae,” she said. “It means a lot.” 

 Why did she keep using my grandmother’s nickname for me? How did she know it?  

 Before I could think too hard about that, Sol forged onward. 

 “In any case, you have much to do, from what I understand, and I won’t keep you from it. I’d leave you with a piece of advice before I go, though,” she said. “Concerning my fellow iisen, you should know that as with every other human, we were all once frightened children, shivering in the dark. Like you, we’ve all once hidden from the monster that’s come to kill us. Please, remember that when hunting us seems like the only light in your world.” 

 Those words were like barbs, digging into the heart of me, and I barely contained my wince. Did she think that I enjoyed hunting her people down? 

 With a bow, Sol said, “Well met, protector of my avaarien . Until we meet again.” 

 Numbly, I watched her trade places with Feena. My sister ignored the other woman, although she relaxed once they’d passed one another. 

 “Quite a piece of work, isn’t she?” she said with a nervous chuckle. “Shake it off, Zae. She unsettles everyone. Part of her charm. Besides, you need to get going, right?” 

 That was right. My mission. Saving Lutov. Why was I finding it so difficult to focus on that? 

 “Feena, all of these people are strange, not just her,” I said, “and what do you mean, I need to go?” 

 I had to act as if nothing had affected me. Maybe then, I could return to my typical, cocky self. Maybe I could shake off this increasingly common sense of unease. Like something, both inside and out, was utterly wrong. 

 “For now, I’m staying here. I have some unfinished business to take care of,” Feena said, “but please, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back in Xygek before you, probably. Unless you plan on retrieving your family from the city before heading into the unknown?” 

 Why would she think that I’d take my loved ones to the place my new coordinate pinpointed? It was somewhere deep within the Tainted Lands! I wouldn’t let them go anywhere near it. 

 “They’ll be fine in Xygek for a little while longer,” I said. “As for you… if you’re sure about staying , then I wish you luck.” 

 Shoving me, Feena laughed. 

 “I think you’ll need luck more than me,” she said. “Be safe.” 

 “I will.” 

 After a hug, we separated, and I boarded the strike ship.  

 When I entered the front of it, Damari was curled up in their seat with their arms around their legs and their face buried in their knees. They were breathing hard, and I cleared my throat, hoping I wasn’t interrupting something. As expected, when their head shot up, their face was a mess of tears, and they hastily swiped at their eyes. I- I’d never seen them cry before. 

 “Sorry. Sorry!”  they said. “Give me a second, and I’ll get us in the air-” 

 Striding to their side, I crouched beside them. 

 “Damari, stop,” I said. ‘Look at me.” 

 Reluctantly, they did as I’d asked. 

 “Are you ok?” 

 Hiccupping on a laugh, Damari grimaced before nodding. 

 “Everything’s fine,” they said. “Just had a visitor. He told me something I didn’t want to hear, but… it needed to be said. Sit down.” 

 When I didn’t move, they rolled their eyes. 

 “For fuck’s sake, LV. I’ll be fine. Don’t get all dramatic on me, although…” 

 They looked away. 

 “I’d like it if you sat in the back for this flight. I could use some time alone.” 

 Rising, I said, “Of course. Here are our coordinates as well as an authorization code to lower the Tainted Land’s galnuka.” 

 When I waved toward Damari, they resolutely faced forward, and I winced. Much as I might do it to myself, I hated watching other people ignore whatever issue was bothering them. 

 “Please, let me know if I can help,” I said. “I’d hate to learn that you were suffering when I could have done something for you.” 

 A smile twitched onto Damari’s face. 

 “Will do,” they said. “Now, get the fuck out.” 

 Chuckling, I followed my instructions. Before I’d found a place to collapse, Damari had us airborne, and we left the Chosen’s base of operations behind.

Chapter 64: Crossing the Line
An hour or two into the flight, I was still agonizing over whether leaving my family behind had been a good idea. Yes, this part of my plan might be dangerous, exceedingly so, but still, keeping them in the dark felt like a betrayal. Even so, I wouldn’t have brought them with me for this, especially not Baely. No way in hell would I let her go anywhere near a heavily irradiated land, not if I could help it. 

 But then, the time when I could have included my family was gone. Damari got us through the galnuka that guarded the Tainted Lands, and beyond it, my connection to the network that held Lutov together was cut off. Until we crossed over again, I couldn’t contact my family or anyone else in the homeland. 

 Soon after this, I clambered to my feet, intent on finding a radiation suit. A strike ship usually held a few of those, to be used in case of emergency. Sure, not many places existed where radiation levels were high enough to harm human physiology, but House Kolb was all about preparing for contingencies like that, which was fortunate for me today. 

 Grabbing a suit from a nearby crate, I started pulling it on. I was in the middle of wondering when Damari would join me when the strike ship shuddered around me. It was rough enough that I nearly lost my balance, and once I’d regained it, I frowned at the door separating me from the front of the ship. 

 “Damari?” I called. “Is everything ok?” 

 Nothing came from beyond that door, and as I crossed to it, another shiver rattled through the strike ship, sending me stumbling into a crate. 

 “Damari?” 

 When flying with my friend, I’d come to expect turbulence from time to time, but this seemed extreme. Frowning, I knocked on the door. 

 “What’s going on?” I called. “Do you need help?” 

 But there was no reply for me, and I hovered, unsure if I should use my Lokke Vitras privileges to get through a door that my friend clearly wanted locked. 

 That was when I noticed how far the floor of the strike ship had tilted. We were descending, even with our position nowhere near where we should be, and besides that, it was quickly reaching an angle that wasn’t safe for landing. 

 As another shudder rattled through the strike ship, I cursed, forcing my way through the door. Damari got my attention for a breath—why were they slumped like that?—before I was at the manual controls, working to stabilize us. 

 “Give me control now!” I shouted. “Why are you flying if you’re so sleep deprived-?” 

 A weak chuckle cut me off. 

 “Sorry… LV. Not… sleep deprived. Haven’t… been…” 

 With my mind freezing, my body went on auto-pilot, correcting our trajectory, even as I craned my head toward Damari. They were practically laying in their chair, boneless, with their chest barely moving. Even with an oxygen mask over their face, I could hear them wheezing, just as I could see the blue color of their lips. I’d seen this before, although never in this context. Regardless, I knew what it meant. 

 “You lied,” I numbly said. “You’ve been poisoned this whole time.” 

 Weakly nodding, Damari said, “Moves faster… in me. Didn’t want to… worry you.” 

 Spinning back to the controls, I started flicking switches, doing everything needed to prepare us for a speedy landing. 

 “Ok. Let’s get on the ground,” I said. “We’ll get you into stasis-” 

 “Can’t,” Damari interrupted. “Emergency pods… in Xygek… to prepare for what’s coming. Didn’t know… until we left.” 

 That made sense. Of course the stasis pods on a strike ship would have been kept in the capital for the surge of people who’d soon need them. People like my friend, who needed stasis now. 

 Taking a deep breath, I said, “Fine. We’ll drop me off, and I’ll send you back on autopilot. After I get the sample, I can find my own way home.” 

 Damari softly snorted. 

 “Whatever… ya say, LV.” 

 Hear the fondness in their voice as they coddled me! Because they knew, just like I did. If hypoxia had already advanced this far in them, they had maybe ten minutes at most, probably much less. The long flight back to the capital… They- they wouldn’t- 

 “Why would you do this?” I snapped. 

 I wasn’t thinking about it. My eyes weren’t burning. My chest wasn’t so tight that I was having as hard of a time with breathing as my friend. Mother Time, why did the image that that thought had invoked make me want to laugh? 

 When they didn’t answer, I growled, “Damari! Why would you insist on coming with me? Why not stay in the capital, where it’s safe?” 

 I couldn’t look back, couldn’t check on them. What if they were…? 

 Fuck. Why wasn’t the ground coming to greet us more quickly? 

 “Thought I… had more time,” Damari gasped. “And you… when things get bad… you- you need… someone… to watch your back.” 

 Oh, no. No, no, no. This couldn’t be my fault. At that thought, something warm and distinctly wet started rolling over my cheeks. 

 “I’m the Lokke Vitras, you- you idiot,” I said, ignoring how much my voice was shaking. 

 Ignoring the hand that was crushing my heart. 

 “I don’t need help. I can handle everything that’s thrown my way.” 

 After a long pause, Damari said, “Zaeden. The Lokke Vitras isn’t… indomitable. You… taught me that. You… need us.” 

 And the ground finally met us. It was a rough landing all told, nearly jolting me off my feet. If he’d been here, Korix would have scolded me for it, but at the moment, I didn’t give a single fuck about my proficiency with flying. 

 As soon as it was safe, I spun toward Damari, meaning to help them as much as I could, but when I saw them, I stopped short. The mask had fallen off of their face, on the ground from where it had slipped out of their limp fingers, and they were… they were smiling at me with blue-highlighted lips. 

 “No,” I hissed through my teeth. “No, damn you!” 

 In two strides, I was beside them, searching their pockets for RRDs. What was the point of starting chest compressions if I didn't fix the damage that had already been done to their body first? Unfortunately, all I found were empty vials— 

 Mother fucking Time, how many RRDs had they taken? No. Ignore it. Ignore it. 

 —so I snagged a few from my own supply, jabbing them into Damari’s carotid artery. 

 Crouching I ran my eyes over my friend. I couldn’t do much more than wait right now, so— 

 They’re GONE, roared a voice in my head, so like Korix’s. Look at them, you foolish man! How many times have you seen death? You know what it looks like, and that’s what you’re staring at now. 

 —so! I started talking, hoping that my words would encourage my friend to fight. 

 “Come on, Third Stratus. You need to get up. Over the next few months, Baely will need their auncle, just as much as Korix and Leski will need you. Who else will help my wife if Ko has another fit?” 

 LOOK AT THEM! You think you can change what you see? That’s stupid. So. damn. stupid. Accept your reality! 

 “Fuck you!” I snapped at the voice, swiping at my eyes. “Please. I… I need my- my friend. We are friends. Right, Damari? With… who I am, it’s hard to tell sometimes. All I know for sure is that you are my friend, my only… only… You know that, right? Please, Mother Time, please say that you do.” 

 You’ve seen this before, except… with this vision of death, you’re not looking at an unknown target, are you? That’s not who you’ve killed. This is someone you love, and they’re gone. You… we…  I need to accept that. Damari is gone. 

 “You’re gone,” I whispered. “Why am I talking to you? You can’t hear me. You’re gone, and I- I- I WAS SUPPOSED TO PROTECT YOU!” 

 We’re wasting our time here. We need to go. We need to find a clue for how to make an antidote. We have to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else. 

 Screaming, I squeezed my eyes shut while clutching at my head. 

 “Shut up!” I shouted. “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!” 

 How had this happened? Damari had been- been laughing and making fun of me a few hours ago. Why hadn’t they told me they were poisoned? I could have… 

 Have what? Made them stay in Xygek, to be put into stasis? They’d have found a way to come after me. That was just they way they’d… been. 

 Fuck. I couldn’t do this. I had to- to think about the mission. 

 Given that, what should I do now? I was in the Tainted Lands. I needed to make a plan, but any time I tried to do that, my thoughts started slipping on themselves. So, I took a few sips of air, forcing myself to open my eyes. 

 And immediately, I fell into the base of the chair behind me, scrambling to get away from a holographic representation of my friend. 

 “You’re sure this time stamp will be right?” they said, speaking to someone unseen. “He’ll still be there to watch it? That’s a long time for him to sit around afterward.” 

 “I guarantee you that he’ll be there,” a strange voice said. 

 Wrinkling their nose, holographic Damari said, “All right.” 

 Then, they focused, looking straight at me with a smile. 

 “Heya, LV! Surprise!” they sang. “I bet ya this is a hell of a shock for you, which honestly? That would almost make this worth it. Your face when something doesn’t go according to your plans is priceless. Anyway, I just wanted to say a few things, and one of our friends from the Chosen is making that happen. Say hi, John!” 

 Damari glanced over my head, but when I followed their gaze, no one was there, whether physically or holographically. 

 “I’d rather not,” someone unseen said. 

 “He’s no fun,” Damari said, making a face. “Seriously! He got on my ship without permission, told me I was going to die, and insisted that I make a recording, set to play at this time. Supremely bad bedside manner, John.” 

 “Would you please get on with this?” the stranger said. “I have more important places to be.” 

 Raising an eyebrow, Damari said, “See what I mean?” 

 And they burst into laughter. Still stunned, I could only listen to that beautiful noise, enjoying it while it lasted. 

 “All right! All right!” they said. “I have a few things to say before I go. First, some logistics. I know you’ll have to destroy my body, LV. My death, the way it’ll happen… people could use it against you, and I don’t want that, so…” 

 They shrugged. 

 “Do what you have to.” 

 Hell, I hadn’t even thought about that, but they were right. I’d never noticed that my friend was poisoned. Such supreme obliviousness was a weakness that the Lokke Vitras could not afford. I’d have to pretend that it had never existed. How had this detail occurred to Damari when it was their death they were discussing? 

 “I don’t give a shit what happens to my belongings,” Damari continued, “but Misah… besides you and your family, she’s the only person I care about. Sure, we may be estranged… although that’s lessened in the last week of playing as her test subject. Huh.” 

 They turned thoughtful for a moment before shaking themselves. 

 “But anyway, Misah’s eccentric and off-putting at times, but she’s my sister. Take care of her, please. And finally…” 

 Leaning forward, holographic Damari stopped obscuring the motionless version of them that was sprawled in the chair behind their back, and it took everything I had not to see that copy. 

 “I’ve gotten to know you well over the years, LV. I’m pretty sure that I know what you’ll do after I die, and I’m not ok with it. So, I need you to listen to me.” 

 Reaching out, holographic Damari somehow managed to place their hands where they could ‘squish’ my face before going deadly serious. 

 “This is not your fault, Zaeden. No matter what you think, it. is. not. Ok?” they said. “And if I ever find out that you’re beating yourself up over my death, I will find a way to come back from the Collective so I can kick your shapely ass. Understand?” 

 Even as I nodded and laughed, I couldn’t help the tears that were streaming from my eyes. What was this? Why had my self-control so thoroughly abandoned me in the face of this? 

 …Why was I wondering about that? Given every other lapse I’d noticed recently, this was the only one that seemed warranted. 

 “Good.” 

 Sighing, holographic Damari leaned back in their seat. 

 “Now, why are you sitting there, moping?” they said. “Get out there, and… always be the Lokke Vitras and more importantly, the person that you want to be, Zaeden. My friend.” 

 They gave me a crooked smile before disappearing, leaving only a corpse behind, and it was like someone had punched me in the solar plexus. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think . I couldn’t- 

 From a distance, I watched myself stand and close my friend’s eyes, but then, I checked out for a time. When next I was fully aware, I was in a radiation suit, standing in the Tainted Lands with a bag of supplies over my shoulder, and the strike ship was in flames behind me. 

 Part of me needed to stay behind, ensuring that Damari had a decent Dispersal, but most of me remembered their words. I had to get going. 

 So, putting one foot in front of the other, I began the trek to my destination.

Chapter 65: The Tainted Lands
For a supposedly irradiated to hell part of Lutov, the Tainted Lands seemed to be thriving, to my eye at least. The verdantly green and yellow grasses of the Azuwell Plains stretched out all around me, and seeing how much of it there was, I might have worried about the fire that I’d left behind if I hadn’t already noted the churned earth on all sides of the strike ship, created by my near crash landing, that would contain it. 

 In the distance, the occasional animal moved through the grass while signs of their passage could be found closer to me, and if I were so inclined, I could have my array sharpen my vision so I could see more of their details.  

 But I didn’t. What would be the point? They didn’t pose a threat, either just passing through this place or too sick to harm me, and my normal sense of curiosity had flown out the window. The only thing keeping me headed toward my goal was a memory of a slack face and the imaginings of what that would look like on Pheniks or Leski or Mother Time forbid, Baely. 

 Fortunately, every time I tried applying it to Korix, the image scattered while a breath of amusement brushed through me. My life partner could slip through the measly grasp of something like hypoxia, even if I had no clue how such an escape could be possible. 

 Hours passed me by as I trudged through the grass, building up a layer of sweat in my radiation suit. Already, my surroundings were taxing its ability to protect me, something that would only get worse as I moved deeper into the Tainted Lands, and I dully noted that if this kept up, that protection would fail me before I reached my sample. 

 I didn’t know how I’d get it home. The more time passed, the more I was sure that I should have burned only Damari’s body instead of the strike ship as well, risking someone using the vehicle’s recorders to learn about my failure, but I hadn’t been thinking straight when setting fire to everything. 

 In fact, if I was remembering those events correctly, I hadn’t been thinking at all, but that couldn’t be right. Could it? If it was, where had I gone?  

 So… maybe I was wrong or misremembering what had happened. Maybe I’d just been going through the motions instead. 

 Even if I’d been clear-headed, though, I would have made only one change to what I’d done: flying the strike ship closer to my destination before setting it ablaze. After my colossal fuck up with Sanya and the shukusenth’s poisoning, I couldn’t afford to make more mistakes. So, why leave behind any evidence of one that I could easily hide?  

 Besides, I might not need the strike ship. If I was lucky, I could use the wreckage around me to escape from this place. 

 I’d gotten deep enough into the Tainted Lands that the leftovers of the old war had begun littering the ground around me, anything my people hadn’t had the time or resources to reach. I’d passed an ancient, human encampment as well as remnants of the aliens’ communication link, the tech that Lutov used for our network. 

 Hell, one of my scientist personas, Rylan, would find this nonsense too fascinating to ignore, like I must. I could almost feel the tug of his curiosity against the numbness that surrounded me, dragging on my feet, and… 

 When I next blinked, I was moving toward a glint of steel on the horizon instead of my coordinates, and roughly shaking my head, I once more retreated into semi-fog, trying to remember why those old relics had seemed important not two minutes ago. 

 Oh, right! Some of the wreckage I’d come across had looked like downed aircraft. As I’d moved along, I’d seen ships from both sides of the war, and while some had been wrecked beyond recognition, others had looked like they could work, at least nominally. 

 Nominal functionality was all I needed. If I could get one temporarily into the air, I’d only need to get it through the Tainted Lands’ galnuka before I could contact Talira, requesting backup through her. Hopefully, I could find an aircraft that would meet my needs when I reached my destination. 

 Which was apparently in the mountains. I couldn’t see my coordinates leading anywhere else. Their foothills had started rising around me, giving my exhausted body a work-out, and I still had a ways to go. 

 Unfortunately, I couldn’t remember any stories of Founders fighting aliens in the mountains, which made me wonder if Lan had given me the right coordinates. Because of that, I’d be tempted to search the occasional, nearby ruins for a sample if I thought my radiation suit would last long enough to allow it— 

 Again, my feet started me toward one of those places for a moment, and I frowned, correcting my course. 

 —but as it was, I was starting to thing that bringing a second suit with me, no matter how heavy they were, would have been a good idea. 

 I hadn’t done that, though. I’d have to hope that this suit and—if it failed—my body would last long enough to bring what I needed to a location that my people could access. 

 As night fell, I took a short break. I’d been falling asleep on my feet, wondering why I’d changed directions every time I jerked back awake, so after setting traps around me, I set an alarm and started a dream sequence. 

 The alarm proved unnecessary. After about an hour of sleep, I sat bolt upright with my friend’s name on my lips, spending the next few minutes on getting my breathing back under control. 

 I didn’t cry. For some reason, my body wouldn’t allow me that. 

 After it became clear that not even a dream sequence would get me back to sleep, I collected my traps and moved on, climbing deeper into the mountains. 

 My suit failed as the sun peeked above the horizon. I was at a high elevation, so as I peeled it off, I was short of breath for more than one reason. 

 Immediately, my array screamed about the radiation that was bombarding my body, but I dismissed the alert without reading its details. What was the point when I couldn’t change my situation? 

 As I finished the last leg of the journey, I did my best to enjoy my surroundings. The air this high in the mountains was chilly but not uncomfortable. In fact, the temperature felt rather pleasant against my exercise-warmed skin. That combined with the untamed nature around me made the hike rather lovely. 

 At this point, I hadn’t reached where snow was clinging to the mountains’ peaks. Instead, I waded through sickly grass while the occasional, scraggly tree shaded me from the sun. It was quiet here, a silence that I could appreciate. It perfectly complemented my internal state. 

 And if I was using my surroundings to amplify the emptiness inside, willfully ignoring what was really going on in my head, I would never admit to that fact. 

 Within a few hours of removing my suit, however, any peace that I might have gained from these delightful surroundings was nullified by a horrible headache as well as a near-constant need to be sick. Thankfully, I was vomiting only bile soon enough, and along with that change, my heart joined in with everything else complaining about my radiation exposure. In my chest, it was racing like one of Ibis’ freight trains. 

 Fortunately, a period of calm soon came, one that always followed the initial symptoms of radiation sickness, and I could continue without that impediment, even if I was already dreading the next wave. 

 Hours later, I rounded an outcropping, and when I saw what lay beyond, I stopped short so I could acknowledge the relief pounding through me. For directly in front of me was a dropship belonging to those from beyond the stars, perfectly intact, with its hatch open.

Chapter 66: Retrieval
I stumbled toward the dropship, only now noticing how much my body had started trembling. That was bad, wasn’t it? I thought that was bad. 

 As I came closer, I noted signs of the fight that had taken place outside of the dropship. Bits of corroded armor were scattered across the ground with their contained skeletons long since decomposed while scorch marks decorated the aircraft’s hull. The part of me that was always dedicated to combat took great interest in the differences between those ancient sets of armor when compared to the ones I sometimes used, but mostly, I was concerned about whether I could fly this ship. 

 When it came to alien tech, I’d had a basic education, as did most Lutovish citizens during House rotations, but as a whole, the homeland was mostly clueless about how larger machinery like this operated, content as we’d been to integrate smaller pieces of it with our own tech. Hopefully, the little I did know about it would be enough. 

 As I stepped into the aircraft, I glanced down either side of the hallway inside while wrinkling my nose. The interior of this dropship could be a replica of its exterior with white, bone-like material making ribs over its metallic walls. The only differences here were found in its floor’s black material and the glow lights—so like fireflies—that had been strung along the ceiling. 

 Leaning against the aircraft’s entrance, I analyzed all of this, looking for potential danger. Not that any threat here could have been worse than what I was fighting internally. In no way, shape, or form could I stay on my feet without support right now. My legs were trembling too much to keep me upright. 

 Mother Time, I needed to hurry. If this turned into full-body convulsions before I was ready, it would be unfortunate. 

 When I could, I picked a direction and trudged down the hall, hoping I’d quickly find what I needed. Fortunately, I did, although that wasn’t surprising. Given how small the aircraft was, searching it didn’t take me long. 

 Not far from the hatch, an organic-looking door had been jammed open by a… body. I couldn’t think of another single-word description for what I was seeing. 

 Was this what those from beyond the stars had looked like? It was nothing like what I’d imagined. In far better condition than I’d expected, it had fur covering its atrophied muscles with two, withered tails lying along its back. A thin arm was stretched into the hall with an enormous scoop of a hand reaching for something unknown, and on the other side of the door, I could barely make out stubby legs as well as several, additional lumps. Other bodies, perhaps? 

 Overall, the corpse was massive, making me grateful that it was already in the aircraft. I was also glad that it was lying face down. What I’d already seen was strange enough, thank you. I had no need to see its face. 

 Besides, seeing its eyes, no matter how empty or desiccated they might be, would probably bring up memories, ones I was trying to block in with everything else I had sectioned away, which… 

 No. Not right now. 

 Also, how was this body so well-preserved? It had been hundreds of years since the war, and yet, this being looked like it had died a few days ago. How advanced must these aliens have been if they’d had the ability to so greatly slow down decay? It was no wonder that during the war, they’d been destroying us, and given that, thank Mother Time that the Ancients had given us their aid. 

 Shaking my head, I went looking for the aircraft’s cockpit, and when I found what I needed, I slid into the room’s egg-shaped chair. Trying to catch my breath, I examined strange instruments, wondering how they were meant to get this dropship off of the ground. 

 My eyes snagged on a pair of wires, left dangling beside a display. Even as different as this pair looked from what I was used to, I recognized a set of connectors, the equipment needed to access a storecase. Had we stolen that tech from these beings too? 

 When I reached for the end of the wires, my hand was shaking so badly that it took me four tries to grab them, but once I’d accomplished that, I lifted them to eye level, pursing my lips. Interacting with alien tech sans prior testing seemed like a horrible idea but… 

 “I don’t have much of a choice,” I sighed. “Here goes nothing.” 

 As I pasted the ends of the wires to the back of my neck, I hoped I was right about them, and sure enough, an interface popped into my array once they were in place. It was unintelligible, but still, I relaxed at the sight of it, letting shivers rumble through me. 

 “Don’t have much time,” I said under my breath. “Should get started.” 

 How did I do that, though? To me, the provided interface was an unreadable mash of shapes and symbols, and with the extent of my radiation poisoning’s progress, I’d say that I had an hour, maybe two if I was lucky, to figure it out. I distinctly didn’t think about what my body’s uncontrolled shaking would mean for me personally. 

 Mother Time, I had to get over the demarcation line. Once I had, I could send a message to my family before… 

 They couldn’t live in suspense, never knowing what had happened to me or Damari. I had to get home, get this damn alien aircraft off of the ground- 

 The interface in my array flashed purple with the controls around me lighting up, and a thin segment of the wall peeled back, giving me a good view of the mountains. As the dropship shot into the air, the ground diminished beneath me, although no pressure pushed me into my seat, but once it had reached a stable height, it stopped, hovering in place. 

 I was left panting in my chair. Even without inertia to distress my weakened body, that takeoff had had black spots blooming in my vision, and rapidly blinking, I struggled to shake it off. 

 “So, you work on intention, huh? Like Truthseeker magic,” I gasped. “That’s scary. Still.” 

 Closing my eyes, I thought of a decent landing site, one that wasn’t far from Xygek. Bringing an alien aircraft into the city proper might cause a panic, hence the external location, but when I envisioned flying there, nothing happened. 

 “Ok, maybe not intentions alone,” I said. “Maybe you need detail too?” 

 But when I thought about the coordinates associated with my landing site, the aircraft stayed hovering in place, and for a moment, I thought that my hypothesis was wrong. 

 Then, I clicked my tongue. This aircraft belonged to those from beyond the stars, not humans. Who knew how those beings had pinpointed a location on the planet or if they’d even thought doing something like that was worthwhile? Coordinates were a human construct. 

 So, hoping it would work, I pictured the globe, finding where I wanted to go on it, before imagining the aircraft landing there. 

 And it moved . Hell, it was fast, making the ground blur beneath me, but I was too tired to marvel at this, just glad that something was canceling out inertia where I was sitting. If it hadn’t been, this aircraft’s rate of acceleration would have finished what a neurotoxin had started last week. 

 For a good fifteen minutes, I limply sat in my chair, watching an intermeshed wall of lasers approach, and once we’d gotten close enough, I sent out the code needed to lower it. On passing through, I requested a direct connection with Talira, and when she accepted it, she didn’t give me time to speak. 

 “Where the fuck are you?” she snapped. “You cannot go off the grid like-” 

 “I have your sample,” I interrupted. 

 I had to stop for a moment because fucking hell. I’d never sounded so… so… 

 “What happened?” Talira said, suddenly all business. 

 “Doesn’t matter,” I said, slurring the words. “I’m on my way to Xygek. Plan to land at these coordinates. Get a team to collect the sample as soon as possible. Now, I need to talk to my family.” 

 After a pause, Talira said, “Zae-zae, how bad-?” 

 “Talira!” I shouted. 

 This left me breathless for a moment, but I forced myself onward. 

 “I greatly respect you, more than most people I know, but I need to talk to my family. Right now. Please, let me do that.” 

 My grandmother swallowed hard enough that I heard it over the connection. 

 “Ok,” she said, “but I’m sending an emergency response team out with the others. So… so, fight for me, all right?” 

 With a slight smile, I said, “Fighting’s what I do best. Goodbye, Talira.” 

 I cut the connection before she could answer, squeezing my eyes closed. Despite what I’d said, I wasn’t sure if I should contact my family. My body’s shivering was getting bad enough that I might topple out of my chair, and I wouldn’t be able to hide that for long, not even in my voice. 

 Should I leave my family with such a horrible memory of me? If I didn’t reach out now, Leski and Korix would be furious, more than they already would be after I’d left them out of this mission, but Baely… 

 In the end, I didn’t include my daughter in the connection request, at least for now. If their parents thought we should add them, I might do that, but for them moment, I’d rather shield them from… me. 

 Korix and Leski accepted the request at the same time, as if they’d been waiting for it, and as with Talira, they didn’t give me a chance to speak. 

 “You’d better have an excellent reason for your silence, Zaeden,” Leski growled. 

 With a soft sigh, Korix said, “Love, I thought we were saving the lecture for once things have settled down.” 

 “Oh, right.” 

 As they continued chatting, their voices washed over me, and this had me clamping a shaking hand over my mouth while my eyes burned. 

 “-still. What do you have to say for yourself?” Leski eventually asked. 

 Oh, Mother Time. I didn’t want to say a word. Please, could they just keep talking? 

 That wouldn’t happen. 

 Peeling my fingers away from my lips, I cleared my throat. 

 “I’d say… that meeting you two and having Baely are the best things that have happened to me,” I forced from my tongue. “Without you, my life would have been hell, so thank you for sticking with me through the hard times.” 

 Silence fell, one so deep that I wondered if it had a bottom, until Leski’s oh-so-small voice filled the connection. 

 “Love, what are you-?” 

 She cut off, leaving me with imaginings of Korix’s death grip on her. 

 “Do you want visuals, Zae?” he asked. 

 Mother fucking Time, how did he always know…? 

 “If you share them, I can’t reciprocate,” I weakly said. “There are no recorders here-” 

 “That doesn’t matter,” Korix said. “Do you want visuals?” 

 Somehow, I kept from sobbing. 

 “Yes, please,” I whispered. 

 I rested my hand, palm up, on the chair’s arm, clamping it in place with my free hand as best I could. When it came through, their image was jittery, but even still, it was one of the most glorious sights I’d ever beheld. Korix was tightly holding Leski, and they were sitting on a couch, completely white-faced. I couldn’t see much of their surroundings, but given what was visible, they could only be in our apartment. 

 “Hello, there,” I said. “You two are gorgeous. You know that, right?” 

 On that last word, my teeth clenched together with every muscle in my body tensing, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop a grunt from flying free of me. 

 When I could, I said. “Sorry. I know this is disturbing. You’d say it’s a weakness, Ko, but- but I need you both right now, so please…” 

 Leski set her jaw while Korix just closed his eyes, taking a steadying breath. 

 “You always were the most frustrating and amazing kuvesk,” he said, as if to himself. “Why should I have expected that to change now?” 

 Glaring at him, Leski reached over to whack the back of his head before facing forward again. 

 “We’re always here for you, no matter what you might need,” she said. “So, how do we help now?” 

 “Just… talk,” I said. “I don’t care about what. I want to hear your voices. To see your faces.” 

 “We can do that.” 

 So, they told me what was happening in Xygek as well as their plans for the next week, the ones I’d soon be wrecking. During this explanation, my body betrayed me several times, and the noises I unintentionally made occasionally left them speechless. Because of this, when Baely came up, we agreed that keeping her out of this conversation was for the best. 

 I wished that I could talk to her. There were so many things I wanted to say, but a conversation like that would only help me. I’d made a recording for her a long time ago, one that Leski and Korix knew to give her in the event of these circumstances, and while I’d hoped that she’d never have to view it, I’d secretly known it would come to this. 

 As Xygek appeared on the horizon, I did my best to share what had happened to Damari. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to say those words, but from the looks on their faces, I gathered that they’d put together what I meant, which was good. I couldn’t go into the details of… that. I just couldn’t. 

 Eventually, the aircraft stopped, hovering over its designated landing site, and I landed it with little difficulty. For a moment, I considered waiting for the recovery team where I was, no matter how impossible fighting dea… no. No matter how impossible staying seemed at the moment. The mission wasn’t over until the sample was in trusted hands, and I couldn’t go anywhere until the mission was over. 

 To that end, I couldn’t sit here, waiting. If I did, surrendering to my declining state would be easy, and I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t . 

 I had to fight. Always. It was what I did. 

 So, I hauled myself out of my chair. As I stumbled toward a hatch, leaning on walls as I went, I was vaguely aware of my partners’ voices in my array. Even with me only occasionally responding, they kept talking—although they sounded panicked now—because that was what I’d asked them to do. 

 “Mother Time, I love them. They’re too good for me.” 

 Finally, the hatch came into view, already opened, which was good. Clinging to its frame, I breathed in the free air, giving myself a moment before straightening. 

 Just a few more steps and I could sit in the soil, standing vigil—of a sort—until the mission was done. Just a few more steps and I was in Xygek. Home, in a way. 

 No matter how weak I felt, I could take those few steps because I was the Lokke Vitras, the one person Lutov had deemed strong enough to carry a society’s burden. Because I was Zaeden, and I would never, ever, ever accept my fate. 

 But as I released the aircraft to move forward, my body once more locked up while a muffled scream whistled through my teeth, and I tumbled down the ramp and into the dirt. A hand reached into my brain, jerking on my body’s strings so that my limbs spasmed, and something inside decided that it couldn’t take any more. As my view of the sky narrowed into pinpricks, the last thing to touch my mind was the sound of my partners’ voices. 

 “I love you, Zaeden.” 

 “It’s ok. We’ll be ok.” 

 “Please, just rest.”

Chapter 67: Why Am I Alive?
Throughout my life, I’d speculated about what the Collective would be like, but who wouldn’t do that? Given what little we knew about it, who wouldn’t, on occasion, think about one’s existence after death? 

 From what little we did know, one’s identity was incorporated into the vast collection of the deceased after death. What did that actually mean, though? What would it be like to exist as a near insignificant piece of a whole? 

 Not like this, I’d wager.  

 I felt like shit. Even half-awake as I was, I knew this, and Mother Time, please. Say this wasn’t what death was like. Sure, I might deserve unending pain for the horrible things I’d done, but that didn’t mean I was willing to accept it. 

 When I managed to open my eyes, only to be greeted by a bright light, I couldn’t stop from tearing up, so relieved was I. For a long while, I just breathed, enjoying the rush of air through my nose, while assessing my surroundings. 

 Someone was talking nearby, but something—a closed door, maybe?—had muffled them to where I couldn’t understand what they were saying. Right now, I didn’t care to change that. There was a weight on my lap, but besides those two differences, everything was consistent with the many clinics that I’d woken up in over the years. 

 The smell of sterilized air and RRDs. The orange color in the bag, hanging over my head. The itchy fabric of the loose gown I was wearing and the blanket draped over my legs. The ridiculous soreness and entirely exhausted state of my body. 

 Not that I should complain. With how wrecked I’d been, I didn’t know how I was alive. Rightfully, I should be dead. 

 Like Damari was. 

 From out of nowhere, the last few moments of my friend’s life rushed through me. Every second of it was as sharp and clear as the first time around, and when I once more turned to help them, getting greeted by their empty body instead, I gasped, blinking at a tiled ceiling. The weight on my legs shifted, but I hardly noticed that, too caught in the memory. 

 Then, it was over, and I could no longer deny what I’d long been resisting. It didn’t matter that every cell in my muscles was crying from fatigue. Shaking almost as badly as I had in the moment before I’d collapsed, I rolled onto my side, curling up on myself, and wept . 

 I knew people were here, witnesses to my breakdown, but that was ok. These moments, ones that Talira would have wiped from their arrays, were the only times when I could process the emotional fallout of the trauma that I endured, not that I’d ever have enough time. Recovery was not a ten-minute procedure. 

 Still, I did what I could here. Here, it was safe and far distant from the people I loved. I might lean on them to stay stable, but when it came to the worst parts of my life— Engulfing self-hatred. Rage at my circumstances. Despair that I’d ever escape. Surety that I was doomed to repeat the cycle. I’d never break it. Never, ever. Fucking hell, my friend was dead, and it was my fault! —I wanted them nowhere near me. They could never know about the pain that I kept buried, left so far below the surface that most of the time, I forgot about it. It would only hurt them, and that was the last thing I wanted. 

 So, here, where they weren’t present, I sobbed into a fist that was wrapped in a blanket, taking ragged gasps when I must, and wished that I could scream the aching pulse in my throat away. It pushed against the back of my mouth but would never break through that barrier, stuck inside as it had always been. 

 Someone laid a hand on me. If the medics could overcome their shock over my vulnerable state, those kind people sometimes did this, and I soaked up their provided comfort. This time, it was enough to free my voice. 

 “Why? Why them and not me?” I gasped. “They- they were good, and I’m not. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.” 

 I repeated those two words, and the hand that was on me rubbed my side while its owner made shushing noises. Another person ran their fingers through my hair. They did it in just the right way, calming me down fast, and something about that… 

 Whatever thought I might have had about that was quickly drowned beneath my pain. 

 For I didn’t know how long, I was stuck like this, alternating between bawling like a child and babbling in stream of consciousness. A lot of what I said involved Damari, but some truly awful things got tossed into the mix too, things that elicited gasps from my observers. At the moment, though, I truly did not give a fuck about them. 

 Then, a door opened, and I knew it was time to pull myself together. That was how it always went. After a truly harrowing mission, Talira gave me time to unleash everything that I held deep inside, although she’d granted me much more of it than usual this time. That was… strange.  

 Once that time was up, however, she came into the room and said: 

 “How long have you lot let him lose it like this?!” 

 That… wasn’t what she typically said. What-? 

 “The better question is why you’re in here,” Korix said. “I told you I’d let you know when he was ready to talk.” 

 Damn. That had sounded angry. I hadn’t heard that tone from him in- 

 Wait. Korix. My Korix. 

 He was here. 

 Suddenly, all of me was cold as I considered the next logical question. Who else was around me? 

 “You, better than most, should know that he can’t let himself cry, not unless he’s safe and more importantly, far away from us,” Talira said. “The longer you let this go on without him knowing you’re here, the worse it will be when he finds out. Also, in case you’ve forgotten, the longer he keeps his control lowered, the harder it’ll be when he has to raise it again.” 

 The hand on my side curled, which dug fingernails into my skin. 

 “As you said, I do know better than most,” Korix said. “I know that when I was him, you never gave me enough time to heal, always ordering me out the door before I was ready for it. I know that it was a huge factor in how I broke toward the end. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m not letting you do that to Zaeden. You may be the shukusen of my House, Talira, but that won’t stop me from telling you when you’re making a mistake.” 

 Oh… shit. He was mad. On the rare occasions when this happened, it never ended well unless I intervened in time. So, puffing out a sigh, I sat upright, wincing the whole while, and folded my hands in my lap. Maybe if I kept my gaze pinned on them, I could stay in control. 

 “I’m right here,” I said. “Stop talking about me like I’m not.” 

 Then, I made myself raise my eyes, and my breath caught. They were all here. My partners, on either side of the bed. Baely, sitting at its foot with tear tracks on their face. Talira, by the door. Pheniks, lounging in the chair by the room’s only table. Feena, leaning on a wall with her arms crossed. Even my parents, although they were as far away from me as they could get. 

 For a moment, I saw Damari’s ghost among them, and the burn of this nearly dissolved me into an emotional puddle again. Somehow, I held it together, keeping my focus on my family. They were looking at me with similar expressions: relief mixed with unease, although on my parents’ faces, I found a tinge of the fear that I’d thought had long been forgotten. 

 Hell. 

 “So, how narrowly did I escape death this time?” I said with a nervous smile. “Must have been close to have everyone here at once.” 

 With her face souring, Talira opened her mouth to answer until Feena briefly squeezed her shoulder. 

 “Maybe we should avoid that subject while we have an unHoused in the room,” she said. 

 Every eye darted to Baely, who was swaying in place with a shaky grin. Did she know about Damari yet? Knowing Leski and Korix, they’d probably told her by now, and… I’d probably let it slip when I’d been breaking down. How could she be so calm, knowing they were- they were dead? 

 “Who, me?” Baely said. “But I already know what happened!” 

 Hopping to the floor, they started pacing, wagging a finger as if lecturing us. 

 “After landing near Xygek, per died as an emergency response team was closing on him. They tried reviving him, and when that failed, he went into stasis so the medics could pump him full of RRDs. He went through three rounds of stasis interspersed by time on life support, letting the RRDs work their magic, but even after that, he wasn’t responding. Everyone was fairly certain that he was gone, although another attempt at revival was made. If that third try hadn’t miraculously worked, the medics would have let his poor body expire, despite orders otherwise. You should take better care of yourself, dad.” 

 That last sentence had been the only one to have emotion in it, leaving Baely’s voice trembling, but everything else had been spoken with clinical detachment. Once she was finished, the rest of us stared at her without a word, which made her roll her eyes. 

 “What?” she said. “While the rest of you were freaking out, I reviewed per’s chart. I wanted to know how I should handle a situation like this when it happens again.” 

 When, not if. Oh… my heart. 

 Reaching for Baely, I said. “Sweetie-” 

 They pushed my hands back down, meeting my eyes. 

 “Don’t, dad. I’ll be fine,” they said. “You need to work on doing the same so I don’t have to worry about you.” 

 Chewing on my lip, I watched them for a moment, judging the veracity of their words, before nodding. 

 “Ok,” I said. 

 With that established, I collapsed into the pillows, but that didn’t stop Leski from moving behind our daughter. With tears in her eyes, she hugged their shoulders, rubbing them. 

 Time to move on. 

 “What I’m hearing is that I should be dead, but I already knew that. How wonderful it is that I’m not,” I said, “but we should focus on what’s important. Judging by my father’s presence here, I’m guessing that I brought you something useful, shukusen.” 

 My body’s report that I was toxin-free confirmed that guess, but that hadn’t been the point of what I’d said. I was hoping that Talira would let us handle business rather than dwell on my conversation with Baely or Korix’s near insubordination. Based on how much she’d relaxed, I’d say I had nothing to fear in that regard. 

 “It was incredibly useful. With it, Misah and the others quickly formulated an antidote, and after we'd distributed it to those who needed it most, we began further production. We’ll have more antidotes on hand soon,” she said. “Oh! You’ve been out for a week, by the way. In case you were curious.” 

 Like I wouldn’t have checked the date and time as soon as I’d woken up. 

 With a headshake, I said, “So, we’ve solved our initial problem, which means Sanya no longer has leverage over us. Considering that, she must have been declared a fugitive. Have the shukusenth decided what they want done with her and her collaborators?” 

 Beside me, Korix stiffened, but it was slight enough that only Talira and I should have noticed it. Mother Time, I wanted to take his hand. The only reasons I didn’t were my own body’s tension and how much it would upset him. He didn’t like it when I noticed his discomfort. 

 Talira seemed to share our unease. Making a face, she shifted her weight to her back foot, a defensive move all told. 

 “We shouldn’t get into this now, Zae-zae,” she said. “You could use more rest first, and we could definitely hold this conversation in a more comfortable setting.” 

 She was right. I knew she was right. So, why was I lunging forward, barely keeping myself from snarling at her? 

 “Forgive me, my shukusen, but sacrifice self. House before family. Lutov overall. That’s the Lokke Vitras’ mantra, is it not?” I said. “Give me the information I need to do my damn job. Please.” 

 Surprisingly, Talira didn’t follow her typical routine. Usually, after I’d reminded her that she needed to be a shukusen before she was my grandmother, she got incredibly cranky, but this time, she pursed her lip, hugging herself. 

 Glancing at Korix, she softly said, “You see?” 

 Korix’s face twisted so strongly that even a stranger might see the change in his expression, and after a deep inhale, he got to his feet before marching out of the room. Wide-eyed, Leski looked to me for help—Korix didn’t usually get this emotional—but I had nothing to give her. After a moment spent waiting, she hurried after him, dragging Baely behind her. 

 As soon as the door had slid shut, Pheniks said, “Wow. That was heartless, Zae.” 

 I shrugged—how else was I supposed to respond?—and this had Feena clicking her tongue. 

 “In case you haven’t noticed, Zae’s in mission mode,” she said. “He fell into it shortly after comforting Baely.” 

 “Which I don’t understand,” my father said. “How does someone go from catatonic because of a breakdown to-?” 

 He waved a hand over me, which I raised an eyebrow at. Really? I’d just had a brush with death, and that was the first thing he said to me?  

 My relatively limited change in expression must have unnerved my father because he shivered, which exhausted the minimal patience I had when with my parents. 

 “If I’ve scared you again, you could always leave,” I coolly said. “You’ve done it often enough before.” 

 Flinching, my father turned away from me, and I ignored the shock on my siblings’ faces, returning my attention to Talira. 

 “Will you give me what I need or not?” I asked. 

 Sighing, Talira deflated. 

 “The shukusenth want Sanya brought to us before we make a decision about her,” she said. “Her collaborator’s fates have been left in your hands, but as you track them down, you’ll have to keep in mind that they’ve been declared enemies of the state.” 

 Which would make my options for dealing with them limited. I could exile them, if I was feeling kind. Otherwise… 

 “Most of Cerullis’ members have scattered to the wind,” Talira continued. “They’re to be considered Sanya’s collaborators, but a central core of the House has stayed in Xygek. They claim that they had no knowledge of their shukusen’s machinations.” 

 Where had I heard that before? 

 “Do you believe them?” I asked. 

 Rolling her eyes, Talira said, “Hardly. Most of them were alive when Alezand drove Cerullis off the rails. I doubt they could be twice ignorant of something like this, but even still, I’ll leave them be, letting them operate with minimal oversight. They’re part of my plan to deal with their House.” 

 By the table, Pheniks shot upright in his seat. 

 “Deal with?” he said. “At the last assembly, we never decided how we’d handle Cerullis. You can’t make a move against them without our approval, Talira.” 

 Patting the air, Talira said, “And I’ll do that before starting something irreversible. Right now, I’m just getting my pieces into place.” 

 Mollified, Pheniks sank into his chair, and I cleared my throat. 

 “Anything else I should know?” I asked. 

 “Besides what’s in the files I’ll send you? No, there’s nothing else,” Talira said. “I still think you should rest another day, though.” 

 Sighing, I threw the sheets off of my legs. 

 “What would be the point?” I said. “I can rest while on route to my first target. That’s assuming you’ve already sent the lower Strata out scouting for me, of course.” 

 Which let’s be honest. She had, just like she’d known as soon as she’d stepped into this room that I’d be getting out of this bed within a quarter-hour. 

 That didn’t mean this was easy for me. No. While swinging my legs over the bed’s edge, I had to move in increments. Damn, this mission would be hell for me, in more than one way. 

 All the while, Feena straightened off of the wall. 

 “Wait. This mission’s parameters,” she said before spinning on Talira. “You’re sending him out to be an executioner!” 

 Mother Time, the outrage in her voice! It made me chuckle while the others in the room refused to look her way. 

 “Yes, sister mine, that’s part of the job at times,” I said. “Despite everything that Lutov might think, I am not a good man. Don’t you know this?” 

 “I-” 

 That was it from her, though. Hanging her head, Feena stared at the floor while I slowly changed. 

 Once I was ready, Talira said, “A skycruiser’s waiting for you on the roof, but your family’s probably on ground level. Will you stop to say goodbye.” 

 At that, I just laughed. Squaring my shoulder, I exited the room, ignoring every awful thing I was leaving behind me.

Addendum
I’ll skip a few months here. I honestly don’t have much to tell you about them. 

 When it came to my mission’s targets, I’ll just say that I wasn’t kind, but then, you’ll see that soon enough. I had a reason for everything that I did, just as I had one for getting so angry when Talira suggested that I rest, but I didn’t know what it was at the time. It was buried in my subconscious for a while. 

 I’d rather not talk about Damari, here or elsewhere. Even with it having happened long ago, it still hurts. 

 Now. This is your last chance to bail, my love. By the end of this segment, you will know the worst thing I’ve done in my life, and I… I don’t know what to think about that. 

 Even still, I’ll continue, hoping all the while that you’ll skip forward.

Chapter 68: This Is My Job 1
My current set of targets was playing it exceedingly safe, which had made hunting them down difficult. I’d been tracking them for almost a week, compared to the typical day or two that I’d needed since starting this mission. 

 Of course, the difficulty I was having with this group might be due to sleep deprivation. In the four months since an accumulation of radiation had nearly killed me, I’d slept for a couple of hours each night, crashing for longer spells when my body and mind had absolutely required it. 

 The lack of rest hadn’t been conducive for the healing process, I was aware. I was reminded of it every time I was left shivering for minutes at a time, but fortunately, instances of that had started falling off in the last month. 

 And of course, there was the other thing, but I didn’t want to think about that right now. 

 Given this, why was I pushing myself so hard? Why not spend some time catching up on my rest? 

 The reason for it was simple: the fickleness of the human mind. Any day now, I’d get a message from Talira where she’d order me to tackle another mission. The shukusenth would have decided to let my targets drift through Lutov, unaddressed, and I couldn’t let that happen. They were a clear and present danger to the homeland and my family. What if they used what they knew to create a new neurotoxin? Considering how difficult creating our current antidote had been, I wasn’t sure we could do it again. So, I’d scrambled to eliminate these people and the danger they presented, struggling to finish the mission before the shukusenth lost interest in it. 

 “That’s paranoid, LV, and you know it.” 

 Never looking away from the set of tracks I was following, I irritably waved at the vague outline of a person that was standing at the edge of my vision. They weren’t real, a hallucination produced by my sleep deprivation, but knowing that didn’t help me with ignoring them. Fortunately, they didn’t show up much, and when they did appear, they quickly vanished. 

 Today, they followed me as I moved along, and I was vaguely curious about why they were doing that, even as I batted said curiosity down. It was supremely unhelpful in my current circumstances. 

 Frowning, I stopped short, cocking my head at the set of tracks beneath my feet. Even muddled by the rain as they were, they were clearly leading into a copse of woods ahead, which would abandon the tendency this group had had of sticking to open ground. 

 I disliked inconsistencies like this. A change in a target’s behavior usually meant they were getting desperate, and desperate people did stupid things, especially after they’d been backed into a corner. Given that, would entering this copse be a trap? 

 “Paaaar-aa-noooid!” my hallucination sang. 

 If it was a trap, I was walking into it. I didn’t have time to continue tracking these targets, and besides, they would have to be extraordinarily lucky to hurt me, given the difference in our training.  

 And if they did manage that, it might be for the best. 

 Shaking myself, I shoved that thought into a box, one that was holding so many others like it, before palming a knife. I might be springing this trap, but I wouldn’t do it unprepared. 

 Taking a deep breath, I headed into the trees. They’d done a good job with this snare, if it was one. With the rain, my array was having a hard time with pinpointing possible targets, save for by heat signature, but several blobs of warmth here were confusing even that sensor. I wouldn’t know where my targets were coming from. 

 Shielding themselves like this was a precaution that, to my continual surprise, most fugitives didn’t take, but this wasn’t the first time I’d encountered it. I knew what to look for if I was to protect myself. So, when the attack came, I was already ducking. Several energy bolts—from standard pistols, most likely—and… had that been a weighted net? A net soared over my head. 

 Before those attacks had hit the ground or trees, I’d thrown my knife toward the source of one of them while drawing another weapon, and a moment later, something thumped into the soil. The second knife went flying while my rifle filled my waiting hand, and I raised it, squeezing the trigger without aiming. Then, I was off with House Kolb speed, taking four lengthened steps so I could grab the last man standing by the arm. When I twisted my hold, he hissed, releasing his pistol, and kicking at his legs, I forced him to his knees. 

 Maybe fourteen seconds had passed. 

 Slowly clapping, my hallucination said, “Impressive. I always knew I was right to fear you, LV, but here, I see why.” 

 And again, I ignored them. 

 The man in front of me had started blubbering, whispering pleas between his sobs, but again, this was nothing new. Fuck, I hated this next part. 

 “I don’t want to hurt you. You should know that,” I said, “but you have information that I need, and you’ll give it to me one way or the other.” 

 Closing my ears to the man’s frightened gasps, I scanned my surroundings, quickly locating what I needed. Then, I dragged my target to a depression in the earth where a shallow pool of water had collected. Crouching, I slapped the man, getting his attention, before grabbing his chin so he’d meet my eyes. 

 “Listen carefully,” I said. “For the next ten minutes, there is only one rule. You give me what I need, and I’ll stop. Do you understand?” 

 As usual, confusion clouded my target’s eyes. 

 “Ten minutes?” he asked. 

 Which had been expected. 

 “That’s how long I’ll need to break you,” I said. "I would prefer it if that proved unnecessary. Survival as an exile will be hard enough for you without a broken mind, but I will shatter you if need be. After all, I have this—” 

 I flashed a Puppeteer into view. 

 “—to get what I need if you do break. But you should have the chance to… volunteer information first, even if you’ll need some persuasion to do that. Violation of your array usually feels a hundred times worse than anything I can do to you. Trust me. It’s happened to me often enough that I should know.” 

 With tears pooling in his eyes, my target kept sniffing. It was a pathetic picture, all told, and I hated it. 

 “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he softly said. 

 Sighing, I hung my head for a moment before once more meeting his eyes. 

 “I know. Doesn’t change anything,” I said. “Now, where do I find the others? Where’s Sanya?” 

 After a beat of shock, my target screwed his face up into a brave expression that I’d come to know well. Damnit. 

 “I don’t-” he started. 

 I shoved his face into the pool of water. As I’d said, it was shallow, but that didn’t matter. People had drowned on less before. 

 The whole time, I watched him struggle, adjusting my hold as needed. This first part was critical. He needed to believe I’d let him choke on water, but I couldn’t hold him down for too long, or I wouldn’t have room to work with later. So, I watched his arms, straining to push him free, and felt how hard he wanted to thrash against me through my fingers in his hair. Through my knee in his back, I noted how much he was bucking to get away and hated my strength. Most of the time, it was only an asset but in this… 

 When my hallucination crouched opposite me, hugging their knees, it jerked my attention to them for a split second. 

 “Hell, you can be cruel,” they said. “I wish I’d known.” 

 A muffled yell yanked me back to my task, and pivoting off of my target, I hauled him upright. 

 While he gasped at precious air, I growled, “Tell me what I need to know. Where are the others? Where’s Sanya?” 

 For a moment, I was sure I’d done enough, but then, stubbornness crawled onto my target’s face, and I internally sighed. 

 “I don’t know-” he started. 

 I shoved him under again. 

 We went through a few more repeats of this. I held him down longer every time, but fortunately, my target gave up after six minutes or so, spewing every clue that he knew about the locations of other House Cerullis members. Once he was done, I put him in restraints before giving him space. He’d need time to recover before the next part, and I needed to make my report. 

 Talira would use this information to send House Kolb members scouting. They’d decipher how much of this information was true, giving me a winnowed list of results in a few days, and so, the search would continue. Again, this was nothing new, so mundane that it made my heart ache. 

 As I walked back to my target, my hallucination matched stride with me. 

 “What now?” they asked. 

 I didn’t answer because they should already know what I’d say. My mission directive left me with two options for handling this man: kill or exile him, and only one of those choices came anywhere close to acceptable for me. I’d take it, no matter how much I didn’t like it.

Chapter 69: This Is My Job 2
When I came back into view, my target was trying to escape, but of course he was. In his situation, who wouldn’t? The crunch of my feet in the twigs had him jerking his head my way, and when I started pulling what I’d need form my pockets, he burst into tears. This one was emotive. 

 “Please,” he sobbed. “You don’t have to do this.” 

 Saying not a word, I came closer before crouching so he could see what I was holding, although I quickly unfolded a map to hide everything else in my hands. 

 “You probably can’t read this, so I’ll do what I can to help,” I said before pointing to a spot on its surface. “This is where we are. I’ll mark it in red because red is bad. Red is danger.” 

 Flicking the cap off of my marker, I wiped away beaded water before placing an ‘x’ where I’d indicated. 

 “What color makes you feel safe?” I asked. 

 Gaping at me, my target flapped his mouth until I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes. 

 “Come on,” I said. “That secret can’t be nearly as important as everything else you’ve given me.” 

 A nervous giggle flew out of the man. 

 “Yellow,” he said. 

 Nodding, I traded my held marker for another one in my pocket before drawing a second ‘x’ on the map. 

 “This is Yanth. Small town at the mountain’s base,” I said. “It’s roughly 3.2 kilometers to the north-north-east. For reference, it’s that way.” 

 Plucking a knife from its sheath, I flung it to embed into a tree. 

 “Once you’ve recovered, head there. I’ve convinced the town’s residents to provide you with food and asylum for a couple of days. They’ll also give you the supplies you’ll need to reach the closest community of exiles, but you’ll be on your own after that,” I said. “Oh, and don’t worry about getting lost today. You only need to head toward town. If you haven’t reached it by nightfall, they’ll send out a search party.” 

 I offered my target the map, and after taking it, he licked his lips, flicking his eyes between me and what he was holding. 

 “Why would you…?” he asked. 

 Behind him, my hallucination cocked their head, seemingly curious for my answer as well. 

 “Because like you said, you did nothing wrong,” I said. “You will suffer for a crime that someone else committed, simply because of your connection to her. It’s the way the world works, and I am sorry for it. But I will do what I can to ease you into your new life.” 

 With his mouth left hanging open, my target seemed stunned, and I waited for him to collect himself, fairly certain of how the next part would play out. I’d been here a thousand times before, after all. 

 “You could… let me go,” he eventually said. “If you did, I’d never enter Lutovish society again. I’ll like as an exile! Just don’t take-” 

 He fell quiet as I placed something between us, and when I pulled my fingers away from it, his eyes widened. 

 “This is a gun from the old world. It operates like the pistol that’s tied to your array, but it has a meaner kickback, and it won’t disappear if you drop it,” I said. “House Kolb doesn’t have many of these. After the war with those from beyond the stars, most of them were melted down, so I’ve asked the residents of Yanth to take it from you when you arrive there. Please, don’t fight them about that. It wouldn’t be wise.” 

 I waited for my target to brush his fingers along the gun before continuing. 

 “I’m giving this to you for your protection and for that alone. Many wild animals live in these hills, and if one attacks you while you’re vulnerable, I don’t want you defenseless. If you use this gun for anything other than protecting yourself, it will be your choice. I won’t add it to my many misdeeds. Do you understand me?” 

 Swallowing hard, the man said, “I… do.” 

 “Good,” I said. “Then, we can get started.” 

 As I rose from my crouch, my target drew away from me. 

 “What? Wait, no!” he said. “Is this all you can…? I mean, can’t we talk about this?” 

 I couldn’t answer that question, so I took the only course of action available to me instead. With my array blocking signals from my audial nerves, the world went silent. I had no need to hear my target’s pleas. I’d heard them all before. 

 As I stopped behind my target, my hallucination faced me on the other side. 

 “Is this really necessary?” they asked. 

 Without a word, I gently forced my target’s head forward, placing an Extractor against the back of his neck, and pushed the button to start its inbuilt process. Then, I looked down. 

 Although I’d long since given myself a break from listening to my victims’ screams—I had enough memories of that to fill a lifetime, thank you—I always forced myself to watch what happened when I took someone’s array. The reasons I did this were varied. Some of it was so I could punish myself, although I was also careful about helping the one who was suffering, if I could. 

 But most of it was because I knew that unless my circumstances changed or death caught me unaware, I’d eventually find myself kneeling in this man’s place. To date, only a great deal of luck and an abundance of caution had kept me from it. 

 After all, the shukusenth wouldn’t like learning how little loyalty I held toward their precious Houses. Among them, Talira knew, and only our tenuous, familial link and the excellent services that I provided for her had kept her mouth shut. 

 Who knew how long that would last, though? When the truth came out, I intended to incite the greatest manhunt that Lutov had ever seen, prolonging it for as long as possible, but I’d never had any doubt about how it would end and when it did… 

 This was why when my target went rigid, I sank to the ground, circling my arms around him, and whispered empty reassurances in his ear. Yes, I was the one who was doing this to him. Yes, according to reports, he was in so much pain that he wouldn’t register what I was doing, but I couldn’t stop myself. When it was my turn to endure this torture, this was what I wanted: one of the most primal forms of human connection, and I wouldn’t give a damn who it came from. I’d be grateful for the smallest sign that compassion existed. 

 Soon enough, my target was left hanging in my arms, sightlessly staring at the ground while ragged gasps shook his frame, and after laying him on his side, I removed the restraints on him. As I placed the map and gun within easy reach, I let the signals from my audial nerves resume their race for my brain, and with pattering rain as my background music, I left the copse of trees. 

 I wished I could do more for that man, but I had neither the time nor the supplies needed for such a task. Instead, I sent messages to all nearby lower Strata, asking them to check the area in a few hours. They could retrieve anything that man had left behind or if he was still there, help as they saw fit. 

 “So, that’s it?” my hallucination asked. “I’m so confused. What you did in there… it doesn’t match the man I knew.” 

 I wasn’t sure why they were still here. Usually, after making a few quips, they vanished, popping up again a day or two later. At least, that was how it had been for the last four months. Sticking around wasn’t their style, and it made me wonder if perhaps they were something more than just a hallucination- 

 As if to stop that thought, a distinctive bang rattled through the mountains, and with my breath catching, I stopped short, closing my eyes. Damn it all. Mother Time, damn it all, why-? 

 “Why would he do that?” my hallucination whispered into a deafening silence. 

 Why did they always do that? 

 Because as I’d said a lot today, this was nothing new. It was, in fact, heartbreakingly familiar, and I wanted to scream at that man and my hallucination and all of my past victims, almost as much as I wanted to hurt myself right now. Hell, I could feel steel in my hand and a sharp edge on my arm, but I couldn’t indulge that need because I’d made a promise. 

 “I made a promise,” I repeated to myself. 

 So, instead of doing as I’d like, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, only to be greeted by my hallucination’s tear-streaked face. 

 “How could you do this?” they said. “You gave him that gun. You had to know…” 

 When they fell silent, staring at me, I crossed my arms with a sigh. 

 “Killing him was the best way to keep Lutov safe. We already have an excess of angry exiled, running wild across the homeland, and swelling their ranks with former Cerullis members is a terrible idea, an uprising in the making,” I said, “but I can’t bring myself to kill so many people, not in such a short time span at least. Besides that, I’ve always fought to get out of eliminating my targets, giving them every chance to escape their fates. That’s what I did here. And sure! Maybe that struggle only amounts to a manipulative play on my victims’ emotions but honestly? After so long doing this, I truly do not give a shit anymore.” 

 I shrugged while my hallucination slowly shook their head. 

 “Who are you?” they said with their throat working. 

 Biting my lip, I looked away before extending one hand to the side. 

 “I’m Zaeden, the man you knew,” I said before reaching out with the other hand, “but I’m also the Lokke Vitras.” 

 I let my hands slap to my thighs, straining to hear their response, but when I got only silence, I jerked my head toward them, seeing red. 

 “Look. This is my job, Damari,” I shouted. “You never saw it because I hid it from you, but this is what I do every fucking day, and I. HATE . it!” 

 My roar ripped away from me and down the mountain’s slope, and with it went the red haze that had been coating my vision. As it receded, I slumped, rubbing my eyes. 

 “I never wanted you to know,” I told my vanished hallucination. “I never wanted you to look at me like that.” 

 Pulling my hands away, I stared at their palms while a pair of tears pattered on my skin. 

 “Hell, I need sleep,” I said. 

 And maybe I’d get it today. First, though, I needed to reach a place of safety. 

 Descending to sea level took a little over an hour, but soon enough, I reached a road that led to the Eastern Reaches. I’d left my skycruiser there, picking up my targets’ trail from that point, and once I was in it again, I could rest while it took me elsewhere. 

 Unfortunately, two people were standing beside it with one of them perched on its tapered nose while the other one leaned against its door. 

 “Fuck,” I muttered. 

 Because I couldn’t avoid these people, not this time. They were guarding my means of escape too well, and with them having spotted me already, I couldn’t outrun them. It was time to face the music. 

 With trudging feet, I headed to my skycruiser so I could greet my partners.

Chapter 70: A Family Intervention
Korix and Leski looked… I didn’t know how to describe how they looked. I couldn’t focus on their facial expressions because as I came closer, all I could see was them . 

 It had been four months since we’d last been together. Besides a single message to let them know that I was ok, I hadn’t contacted them since starting this mission. They’d certainly reached out, but I hadn’t had the energy to look through what they’d sent me. 

 So, it had been four months, and it didn’t matter that they were surely upset with me. It didn’t matter how tired I was or what I’d just left behind. I badly needed to throw myself at them, losing myself in the only two people who might understand. 

 Instead, I stopped at the edge of the road. 

 “How did you find me?” I asked. 

 Probably not the best place to start, but if there was a breach in my security, I needed to know about it. 

 On the skycruiser’s nose, Leski winced, pulling in on herself, so I switched my focus to Korix. Based on that reaction, my wife hadn’t been involved with locating me, along for the ride instead. 

 Straightening from his lean against the skycruiser, my life partner lowered his arms, just looking at me, but then, he sprinted my way. He was moving so fast that he blurred—shit, House Kolb speed—and I barely had time to dodge. Still, his blow glanced along the plane of my chest, imparting enough force to sway me in place, and as I recovered from it, I grabbed his extended arm, yanking on it to pull him off-balance. 

 He toppled—that had been easier than expected—but before I could pin him, he’d rolled to his hands and knees so he could launch himself at my legs. Clicking my tongue, I let him do it, falling in a controlled manner, just as I let him straddle my waist. When he went to pin my arms, though, he found one of them already raised with my rifle’s muzzle hovering in front of his face. 

 “I don’t have time for this,” I hissed. “Stop assessing my condition so we can get this conversation over with. I need to get back to work.” 

 With his face souring, Korix knocked the rifle away— 

 Why would he do that? It was unnecessarily dangerous. Why-? 

 —before lunging forward to press his lips to mine. I was frozen, lying motionless on the road, until he pulled away by the barest of slivers, clutching my cheeks. 

 “You,” he said, “are being extraordinarily foolish. In all of our years together, I never thought I’d see you acting like such an idiot. Stop it.” 

 Frowning, I ran through ways to handle this, looking for one that would satisfy him, but my tired brain only provided me with one reply. 

 “Get off of me, please,” I said in monotone. “If you’re done berating me, that is.” 

 With a sigh, Korix straightened, shaking his head before climbing to his feet. He offered me a hand, one that I ignored. Instead, once I was upright, I walked to the skycruiser and got into it. 

 I wasn’t too worried about getting Leski of its nose. If I knew her, she’d move without that persuasion, and sure enough, she slid to the ground while I was feeding coordinates into the skycruiser’s console. Before I could take off, however, a back door opened, and my partners got in. Glancing at them, I rolled my eyes before focusing on the road once more. 

 “You’ve proven your point. You’re worried. I get it,” I said. “I hope I’ve proven my point in that I’m fine. Now, I have work to do, so please. Get out. You can’t come with me.” 

 “Why not?” Leski said. 

 In my mind’s eye, I saw her jutting her chin out, and it almost made me smile. 

 “Because I said so,” I said. “That should be enough.” 

 I certainly wouldn’t tell them the other reasons I wanted them far away from me right now. 

 “Get out, please. I’d rather not force the issue.” 

 After a moment of tense silence, Korix said, “I told you this would be hard, love. He’s-” 

 “Don’t presume to understand my mental state, Korix,” I icily said. “I don’t know what your biggest fuck up as the Lokke Vitras was, but just because you’ve dealt with something similar doesn’t mean you can understand. Not fully.” 

 There was another pause, one where Korix sighed, and my tension skyrocketed. 

 “When was the last time you slept?” he eventually asked. 

 Wha…? 

 “What’s that got to do with anything?” I snapped. 

 On the heel of my words, Leksi growled, “Just answer the damn question.” 

 Wow, she’d sounded murderous, not that I could blame her. I was aware that I’d been acting like an ass, both recently and over the last few months, but I’d done it for a reason. I wished they could see that. 

 “I got some sleep the night before last,” I said with tight lips. 

 Clicking her tongue, Leski said, “Of course you did.” 

 “And food?” Korix asked. “When did you last eat?” 

 What was this? Twenty questions? Did they think they were my mother? 

 Then again, my mother would never have acted this concerned about me, even when I’d been unHoused. After I’d been old enough to walk and talk, keeping myself fed and alive had mostly been my own job. 

 “I’ve been running low on supplies, so my last caloric intake was a couple of days ago, but I was planning on resupplying today,” I said, “and in case you were curious, my bladder and bowels are working properly too, but I haven’t had sex in months. Haven’t had the time or desire for it.” 

 If Leski or Korix had noticed the sarcasm laced into my voice, they didn’t comment on it. What I’d said did, however, prompt something I’d been waiting for since getting into the skycruiser. The air above the seat at my side shimmered, and I watched without surprise as my daughter peeled a camouflage disk off of the back of their neck.  

 With their parents here, I’d known they wouldn’t be far away. In a time of such crisis, Korix and Leski wouldn’t have let them out of their sight. 

 Tossing the disk at my chest, Baely shoved a finger in my face. 

 “You are an idiot,” she snarled. 

 Grabbing her hand, I laid it on the divider between us. 

 “Your father said something similar a few minutes ago,” I said. 

 “Then, why won’t you listen to him?” Baely hissed while strangling the air. “You have to take care of your body, per . It’s the only one you’ll get, and- and who knows how much it can take? If you’d entered the Tainted Lands like this, then- then you’d…” 

 Mother Time, I had so many things I wanted to say to them. 

 I wanted to ask how they were doing after the unexpected loss of their godparent, although I couldn’t focus on that topic for long. 

 I wanted to know how their House naming ceremony had gone. If they were satisfied with choosing Kolb. If they missed their friends from House rotations who’d chosen differently. 

 I so badly wanted to apologize for missing it, even if at the time, I’d made sure to congratulate them for their entrance into Lutovish society. Hopefully, once this crisis was over, I could do something more for them. 

 I wanted to ask if they were happy with their current gender presentation and if they’d like to ask Maikle, who was in charge of my full body transitions, how to make any small modifications that they might want. 

 I wanted to know if they were safe and happy, although I was pretty sure I knew the answer to that already. 

 As their parent, though, I had to think only of their wellbeing and not what I needed to satisfy mine. 

 “You’re right, and I know it,” I said with a crooked smile. “Don’t worry, sweetie. I know how to take care of myself.” 

 “Liar!” Baely cut in with a snarl. 

 As I swayed back from the fierceness blazing from her, Leski leaned forward to lay a hand on our daughter’s arm. 

 “He’s not lying. Your father will never lie to you unless he must,” she said before meeting my eyes, “but he will manipulate the truth or leave things out of his stories. So, yes. He knows how to take care of himself, but that doesn’t mean he’ll do it.” 

 “I know,” Baely said with a hiccup. 

 Behind their mother, they scrubbed at wet eyes with the heel of their palm, and my heart clenched. 

 “I love you, Baely,” I said, “and I’m so sorry. I wish I could make it better but-” 

 “Then, let us stay with you,” Baely interrupted. “If you want to make it better, let us help you, and stop ignoring us. You have no idea how many times I’ve seen mom crying on dad’s shoulder or stumbled onto dad staring into nothing because you won’t answer their damn messages. I know that things are hard right now and you’re in a lot of pain, per, but seriously? You can’t take the time to let us know you’re alive? If you’re that busy, then you need help, and in all of Lutov, we’re the only ones who can provide you with what you need. No one else can see you cry without freaking out.” 

 She inclined her head toward me, and I touched my cheek to intercept the tear that was racing down it. Jerking forward, I clenched my hands in my lap. My daughter was wise beyond their years, which made me proud, and I should do as they’d asked. 

 Was this what the ii in Kalaski had been talking about with his warning, so many months ago? Whether it had been or not, I couldn’t listen to Baely for one very good reason, something I could never tell her about. 

 Clearing my throat, I said, “Please, get out. I’ve heard what you’ve said, and I will take better care of myself. But you can’t come with me, not for this mission.” 

 Hell, this silence was heavy, and when someone shifted in their seat, I winced, expecting to encounter a potent picture of their disappointment. Instead, Korix squeezed my shoulder. 

 “Please, Zae,” he said. 

 And a message popped into my array. Knowing that it could only be from him, I opened it. 

 I remember what being in your position is like, you who I can never love. You don’t have to shield me, and I can protect them, it read. I can be the barrier between them and every sordid thing that you might have to do. 

 Slowly breathing out, I let myself relax. Because the concern that Korix had addressed? That was why I couldn’t have them with me. As with my hallucination, I couldn’t show them the dark side of the Lokke Vitras, but my life partner was right. Not only had he already seen the truth of it, but if anyone could keep the girls away from it, it was him. 

 And I truly, truly could use their help. 

 So, I touched my hand to the skycruiser’s console to prompt the beginning of our journey, leaning my chair back as we lifted into the air. 

 “I’m taking a nap,” I said. “Don’t wake me up unless it’s an emergency.” 

 None of them said a word. Instead, Korix hung his arms around my neck, resting his chin on my shoulder, while Leski ran her fingers through my hair. Her soft voice mixed with Baely’s as I drifted into the first spot of untroubled sleep that I’d had in months.

Chapter 71: Their Traitors, Our New Allies
Something unexpected dragged me out of my dreams, but then, dealing with the unexpected had become my new normal lately. Ignoring my family’s disapproving stares, I sat up, doing my best to shuck the exhaustion that was screaming protests throughout my body, and frowned at the connection request flashing in my array. 

 How had this woken me up? It had none of the typical danger signals that I’d been trained to subconsciously notice, the ones that roused me from sleep, attached to it, although I supposed the soft dinging that the connection request was making might have something to do with it. 

 I didn’t know who was requesting the connection. In fact, the request had been passed through so many proxies that establishing their identity would be difficult, definitely more trouble than it was worth. So, the question was: did I accept the request or ignore it? 

 Meeting my family's eyes, I said, “Stay silent, please.” 

 Then, I accepted the request. 

 “Who is this?” I snapped. 

 Requesting a direct connection while hiding one’s identity was considered rude in Lutov. 

 “Zaeden? Is that you?” 

 I knew that tremulous voice. I’d hoped to avoid running into the woman it belonged to for a long while yet. 

 “Calia,” I said. 

 Behind me, Leski gasped while someone shifted in place, but that was to be expected. So long as everyone was comfortable with it, I’d shared my romantic activities with my partners. They knew that I’d dated Calia. They also knew she was House Cerullis, although I wasn’t sure if they knew she’d run from Xygek four months ago. 

 “It is you!” Calia said. “Thank Mother Time! We weren’t sure if I’d get ahold of you.” 

 …And why would she want that? Didn’t she know what I’d been doing to people like her?  

 If she did, she also had to know that requesting a connection like this was risky. I’d already started tracing it in the hopes of locating her. 

 I couldn’t say any of that, though. Instead, I asked her. 

 “We?” 

 “Me and some friends,” Calia said. “If possible, we’d like to arrange a meeting. We have some valuable information for you and would like to make a deal for it.” 

 Ah… that made sense. Bargaining. I’d been wondering when this would begin in truth. 

 “Where should I meet you?” I asked. 

 Because going along with something like this was always in my best interest at first. Either what these people had to offer would outweigh their danger to Lutov, letting me grant them mercy, or they’d leave a clue as to where they’d been hiding. 

 Calia stammered for a bit, probably surprised that she wouldn’t have to do more to convince me, but she got herself under control soon enough. 

 “I’ll send you the coordinates,” she said. “We’ll meet at mid-afternoon.” 

 “So you know, I have backup with me right now,” I said. 

 Best not to spook her or her friends, and hopefully, she’d hear the question in what I’d said. 

 After a pause, she said, “You can bring one with you. I’ll see you soon, Zaeden.” 

 She cut the connection, and wincing, I rubbed my face, waiting for the coordinates. Hell, this would be hard. 

 “Calia wants to negotiate?” Korix said. 

 I nodded, even if I wasn’t sure if he could see it. I couldn’t bring myself to speak right now. 

 “That’s not a good idea, love,” Leski eventually said. 

 Sighing, I said, “I know.” 

 Then, the coordinates came in via a message, and I frowned. The location they were indicating was in the middle of the Preserve. How had a bunch of fugitives gained access to such a highly guarded area?  

 That was a question for another time. After feeding coordinates into the console, I once more collapsed in my seat and quickly fell asleep, despite the tense atmosphere around me. That tension had yet to relax when we arrived, although my family seemed a little shocked about the patch of land we’d stopped above. 

 “We’re here?” Baely asked as we set down. 

 Ignoring the doubt in their voice, I nodded while running through a check of my weapons. I sincerely hoped that this meeting wouldn’t turn into a fight, but still, I had to prepare for one, even if I did it in a way that my daughter could overlook. 

 I needn’t have worried about that. As we left the skycruiser, Baely gaped at her surroundings, not that I could blame her for it. The Preserve was breathtaking, an otherworldly place of nature. Even after a century of having it open to me, something about it always stole my voice, if only for a moment. 

 Clearing my throat, I drew my family’s attention to me, for the most part. 

 “Leski, stay here with Baely, please,” I said. “I’m allowed one companion for this, and it’s only going to be a talk. Little to no chance for danger. You should take advantage of such a rare chance to enjoy the Preserve. The two of us who’ve visited it before can take care of this chore.” 

 While Leski’s face went sour, Baely looked torn, and I knew they were weighing this opportunity against the chance that her dads might get hurt. So, catching her eye, I smirked. 

 “We’ve got this, sweetie,” I said, “and even if we don’t, you and your mother won’t be far away. I’ll message you for backup the second I see something suspicious. Ok?” 

 Slowly nodding, Baely said, “Ok.” 

 When I glanced at Leski, she huffed while shooing me away, and I blew her a kiss. Her answering groan chased me into the trees. 

 Walking through the Preserve was both unnerving and awe-inspiring, but then, that was what every forest was like for me. What else could it be? In a forest, enemies and monsters had so much cover to take advantage of, making it easier for them to sneak up on me. I had to be constantly on alert. 

 At the same time, who wouldn’t be made breathless when surrounded by so much untamed nature? The forests of Ibis and anything similar found in the Barasgami Mountains also had their charm, to be sure, but they almost always had civilization impinging on them. Here, nothing unnatural existed with none of humanity’s noise to mar it. 

 Or that was how it was until I heard a quiet conversation ahead. Thank Mother Time, I didn’t have to alert Korix to the noise. He’d already slowed his stride, softening his footfalls as we approached. 

 Because of that and my own efforts, the other group didn’t detect us when we came into view, but that was what we’d wanted. When entering a negotiation, starting with the other party flustered was always best. 

 Two women, a man, and an individual of indeterminate gender were waiting for us in the clearing. For a moment, I watched them talk amongst themselves, noting their drawn-together shoulders and tense postures, before clearing my throat. As one, they spun on me with some clutching their chests, and I refused to examine what Calia’s brief look of terror did to me. 

 “Apologies for startling you,” I said with a rueful smile. “It wasn’t my intent.” 

 At the lie, my heart twinged, and it took me a second to realize why. I’d always hated lying to the people who were closest to me. 

 After collecting herself, Calia strode forward to hug me. 

 “Zaeden!” she said, pulling away. “Appearing from out of nowhere is just like you.” 

 With one corner of my smile rising higher, I said, “Indeed. Good to see you, Calia. Care to introduce me to your friends?” 

 Mischievously grinning, Calia skipped backward with her hands clasped behind her. 

 “No. I don’t think they’d like it,” she said. “Besides, I doubt you’ll introduce me to your companion.” 

 Raising an eyebrow, I said, “I didn’t think he’d need an introduction.” 

 Snorting a laugh, Calia slapped a hand to her mouth while her comrades exchanged glances. 

 “That’s true, I suppose,” she said before bowing to Korix. “All honor to our once shield and protector.” 

 Beside me, Korix said nothing, just watching Calia as she rose from her bow, and I wondered what he was thinking. Did he disapprove of how casual she’d been with me, despairing of the circumstances that had made her lose her fear of the Lokke Vitras? Was he uncomfortable with her subsequent deference to him? Or was he satisfied that at least one of us was getting the respect that was ‘due’ us? 

 “Calia, get on with it,” one of the women hissed. “I don’t like this.” 

 “Right!”  

 Clapping her hands, Calia held them in front of her face. 

 “My friends and I want to make a deal,” she said. 

 But that was all. She wasn’t well-versed in how negotiations went, and for some reason, her innocence paralyzed me. I’d be stuck here for far too long, staring at her while aching inside, before finding the strength to continue. 

 Fortunately, Korix saw this. He stepped closer to my side, and while he couldn’t offer me comfort right now, I could still feel his intention to squeeze my shoulder or interlace his fingers with mine. It was enough. 

 “What is it that you want?” he asked for me. 

 And hell, if I didn’t want to hug him for it. 

 The shocked expression that Calia had assumed when he’d moved slipped into confusion. 

 “Sorry, I thought that was obvious,” she said. “We don’t want to die, of course, but we also want to keep our arrays. In other words, we want you to spare us from your hunt, great Lokke Vitras.” 

 She dipped into a quick bow toward me, which made me cringe, but I kept it off of my face. 

 “However, my friends and I realize that we could never be reintegrated into Lutovish society, not after the damage that’s been done,” Calia continued. “We’d like to set up a commune on one of the isles off of Lutov’s east coast. It would be nice if the shukusenth, in all of their great wisdom, would grant us the supplies that we’d need to get our feet under us as well, but after we’re stable, we’d cut contact with the homeland, if required. That’s it, though! Mercy and a way to survive is what we’re asking for.” 

 A commune? Calia must have more friends than the people here. I’d like to ask her about that, but I doubted she’d answer the question. 

 Also, Mother Time… she was so obviously new to this that it was painful. Instead of making demands, she’d asked for what she wanted in the politest of manners, and hell, I wanted to rub my eyes or pinch my nose or in general, show how weary this interaction was making me of my damn life. How had I gotten into such a hostile situation with someone so innocent, someone I’d once dated? 

 Instead, I smiled and cocked my head. 

 “My, that’s quite the list of demands. You’re asking a lot from Lutov,” I said, “and what do we get in return?” 

 For some reason, this question made the fugitives uncomfortable, although really, they should have expected it. In this sort of negotiation, one didn’t walk away with everything one wanted without giving something in return. 

 “We can provide you with the precise locations of the people you seek as well as the coordinates to the safehouses that Cerullis has established over the years,” the man among them soon said. “If you’re lucky, you might even find our shukusen in one of them.” 

 Sanya… 

 Ignoring the stiffening of Korix’s form, I considered these people’s offer. Accepting it would be good for me. Mother Time knew how badly I needed this hunt to be over with, and the information these four had offered would shorten it by a significant amount. 

 I wasn’t sure if it was enough to warrant the concessions they’d requested, though. What would Lutov gain from this? A quicker resolution to a threat and a more swiftly recovered Lokke Vitras, neither of which should be scoffed at. Not at all. But would it be worth the establishment of an independent, sovereign state so close to the homeland, one whose origin would be steeped in hostility toward us? 

 On consideration, I didn’t think it would be. No. The better solution for now would be to keep from committing to anything until the end of this meeting. After it was over, I could track these four to their friends, and once there, I’d do what I must before continuing with the hunt. 

 I saw the hope on Calia’s face, though, and it tore at me. It made me want to blow a hole in my face, so I hesitated, scrambling for a compromise between these extremes, which seemed fitting. That was what typically resulted from negotiations, right? A compromise? 

 Almost, I broke down into uncontrollable snickering, only stopped by Korix clearing his throat. 

 “You’ve proposed a complicated and significant exchange,” he said before turning my way. “If the Lokke Vitras is amenable, I’d like to share my opinion about it.” 

 Irritably, I waved for him to continue. Even understanding its necessity, I hated it when he conformed to the formality that almost everyone in Lutov showed me. 

 “With the greatest of respect, I’d suggest that some among our representatives accompany me to the capital. There, they can present their proposal to the assembly, where the shukusenth who lead us can decide on it,” Korix said. “In exchange for such an opportunity, these representatives will provide us with a small taste of the information that they’re offering, giving the Lokke Vitras a chance to verify it. In this way, we can test the waters of this arrangement.” 

 Oh… I wanted to glare at him. It was a good compromise, one where both parties would be pleased and disappointed with the results, but there was one problem with it. 

 Accompany YOU? I sent to Korix via a message. What happened to helping me keep Leski and Baely away from the worst parts of this job? 

 Before he could reply, one of the women opposite us crossed her arms. 

 “I don’t like this idea,” she said. 

 Calia never moved her narrow-eyed stare away from Korix. 

 “I think that’s the point,” she said. “A moment so we can consult?” 

 When I inclined my head, she turned to her companions so they could huddle together, and I pointedly did not grab Korix’s elbow so I could drag him into the trees. 

 “What the fuck?” I hissed from the corner of my mouth. 

 Shifting in place, Korix sighed. 

 “This is your best resolution to the negotiation, and you know it,” he said. “As for me accompanying them to Xygek, they’ll need my protection if they’re to reach the shukusenth without hassle, and you need someone you trust to watch them while they’re there. All of which you know.” 

 “Yes,” I hissed. “I’m a little unclear as to why you have to go with them instead of Leski and Baely. They could play escort just as easily as you.” 

 Korix was silent for a moment, all while Calia and her friends kept glancing over their shoulder. 

 I didn’t know what was stopping them from accepting his plan. Yes, it would be dangerous for them. Yes, it would demand a heavy price, but for people in their situation, the ability to address the shukusenth wasn’t to be taken lightly. Unlike me, whose sole purpose was to protect Lutov, the shukusenth were concerned with guiding the homeland as a whole. They were usually willing to take risks, ones that I’d never consider. 

 “I have something personal to discuss with Talira,” Korix said, “something I have to do face-to-face.” 

 Sucking in a breath, I snapped my head toward him. As a general rule, Korix didn’t go near Talira. From what I could tell, he didn’t hate her, no matter that he had every right to, but he still preferred to avoid her, and now, he wanted to speak with her in person? 

 “Can I ask what it’s about?” I said. 

 Facing me with his lips drawn thin, Korix said, “I’d rather if you didn’t. But I promise you that it won’t endanger Lutov, and it shouldn’t take long. I’d be surprised if you couldn’t shield our girls for the short time I’ll need to get back.” 

 As I searched his face, I knew he was telling the truth, or the truth as he knew it at least, and seeing that, I released a slow breath. 

 “Ok,” I said. “That might not matter if Calia and her friends don’t agree to your terms, though.” 

 They’d been arguing this whole time, but soon enough, their huddle broke apart, and Calia headed toward me with a disgruntled expression on her face. 

 “All right. We accept. I’ve already sent you a message with the coordinates to the first four safehouses,” she said before turning to Korix. “How are we getting to the capital?” 

 With a neutral smile in place, Korix said, “We’ll work that out after the Lokke Vitras has left. Let’s not waste his time.” 

 He glanced at me. 

 “Do you have what you need?” 

 Having already opened Calia’s message, I nodded. 

 “It’s sufficient for the moment, yes,” I said. “Calia, I wish you and your friends luck in the capital, and… I’m sorry that it’s come to this.” 

 With her gaze turning soft, Calia sadly smiled. 

 “Me too. It was good to see you, despite the circumstances,” she said. “I’d wish you luck too, but considering what you’re off to do…” 

 When she vaguely waved, I crushed a wry grin before it could spread across my face. It wouldn’t be appropriate right now. 

 Tilting my head in acknowledgment, I said, “Then, there’s nothing more to say.” 

 With that, I was off into the trees, putting as much distance between us as I could, and as expected, a message slid into my array before I’d gotten far. 

 I can never love you, Zae, it read. Everything will be ok. Eventually. 

 Snorting, I sent my reply before swiping the message away. Korix was right, I knew. Time might not heal all wounds, but it certainly lessened their severity, and with that, life could return to something resembling normalcy, no matter how much work that might take. 

 I wasn’t there yet, though. Right now, I was in the middle of the storm, and I had to plunge into a conflict that might turn into a slaughter. I hoped that I could keep my wife and daughter out of it.

Chapter 72: Tying Off a Loose End
Before investigating Calia’s safehouses, I had to finish my hunt for the targets I’d been trailing when she’s requested the meeting. I was so completely focused on that task, one might say deliberately so, that I almost forgot the other chore I’d have to complete first. 

 As I rejoined her at the skycruiser, Leski asked, “Where’s Ko?” 

 Shit. 

 “Escorting some people to Xygek. It was part of the agreement we came to,” I said. “Apparently, he has some personal business to attend to in the capital, but once that’s done, he’ll meet up with us, wherever we happen to be. In the meantime, I have a job to do. Will you be coming along, or would you rather go with him?” 

 Snorting, Leski said, “Goodness, Zae. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get rid of us, but that can’t be right. You agreed that we could accompany you for a time, even if it was done nonverbally.” 

 Sighing, I shook my head. She always got so smug after she’d trapped me with my own words or actions. 

 “I’m just presenting you with your options,” I said. “If you’ve coming with me, you should get in the skycruiser. I wish you could spend more time in this amazing place, but we have somewhere to be.” 

 I followed my own instructions, and after a moment, Baely and Leski joined me. Reaching over, my daughter wrapped me in an awkward hug. 

 “Thank you, per,” she said. “I never thought I’d see the Preserve outside of a sanctioned trip. Somehow, it’s more beautiful this way.” 

 Pinning a smile in place, I patted one of her hands on me. 

 “I’m glad you got to experience it,” I said. 

 At least one good thing could come out of this pit stop. 

 With a happy hum, Baely slumped into their seat, and after I'd gotten us in the air, Leski lowered the divider between us to lean against me. For a while, she just snuggled into my side, but eventually, Baely got distracted by something, freeing my wife’s tongue. 

 “How bad will this next part be?” she asked. 

 Sighing, I said, “Well, love, I’m in the process of tracking traitors down, and once I’ve found them, I’ll have to see what they know about their comrades before exiling or killing them. How bad do you think it’ll be?” 

 “Great,” Leski said under her breath. 

 I thought that might be it until she tilted her head up to meet my eyes. 

 “How are we handling Baely, then?” she asked. “When it comes to how dangerous this mission could be, I was planning on staying with her, far from any conflicts we ran into.” 

 “I can hear you, you know,” Baely said on the heel of those words. 

 Wincing, Leski pulled away from me to apologize, and I took the chance to get more settled. It was good to know that my partners had been thinking about our daughter’s wellbeing when they’d insisted on accompanying me. Really, I’d expected no less of them, but hearing proof of it was nice too, even if I was mystified by Leski asking how we’d keep Baely safe now. The answer seemed obvious to me. 

 When she turned back to me, I said, “There’s a village near my destination. I’ll drop the two of you off before doing what I must. I’ll pick you up once I’m done, and we can go from there.” 

 Leski immediately scowled at me, but I’d expected that. Despite it being the most sensible path, she’d never enjoyed getting left out, especially after I’d promised her otherwise. 

 She drew her mouth into a thin line, and I braced for a lecture. 

 “No.” 

 With nothing else, she faced forward, leaving me frowning. 

 “No…?” I drawled, raising an eyebrow. 

 There had to be more. 

 “You heard me,” Leski said in a clipped voice. “No. You’re not abandoning me at the first opportunity. No. You’re not running off to handle something that stressful alone. I agree that our daughter should be our backup, and don’t you dare protest, sweetie. You don’t have the training that you’ll need to handle everything that your father’s work entails, but you can watch our escape route for us, and you can be ready to patch us up if something goes wrong.” 

 Raising her hands, Baely said, “You won’t hear me arguing. Despite how protective you two are, you don’t smother me with it.” 

 Again. My daughter was wise beyond her years.  

 I refused to consider the level of my wife’s wisdom. Not now. I also couldn’t argue with her, though. 

 Silently, I leaned back, intending to get more sleep, but Leski didn’t let me, leaning over me with a snarl. 

 “If you trick me into staying with Baely, I might never forgive you,” she said. 

 Sighing, I flicked my eyes to the side, unable to hold her gaze. 

 “Maybe,” I said. “If you come with me, though, you’ll definitely never forgive me.” 

 “Why don’t you let me decide that for myself?” Leski snapped. 

 I wouldn’t change her mind. I knew that tone. She was adamant about coming with me, and I didn’t want to decide if and how I’d abandon her with Baely. Fortunately, I didn’t have to tackle that conundrum yet. 

 “We’ll discuss it once we reach our destination,” I said. 

 Without waiting for her response, I started a dream sequence.  

 Despite what the name implied, dream sequences weren’t supposed to induce dreams, merely sleep, and yet, I found myself trapped in a nightmare. I was running from something horrific, but I didn’t know what it was, and I couldn’t afford to check. All I knew was the terror that was lapping at the walls of my mind. 

 Fortunately, this quickly ended. We hadn’t been far from our destination, after all. The skycruiser landed in the middle of a town with some of its residents already stepping outside, and behind me, Baely leaned forward to hug my neck. 

 “I’ll explain things,” she said. 

 Kissing my cheek, she shuffled out of the skycruiser before flouncing toward the first set of people heading toward us. I turned to Leski, meaning to once more argue with her, but the look on her face stopped me dead. 

 Hell, she looked murderous. Changing her mind would be close to impossible, as would giving her the slip. I knew my wife’s capabilities. She’d make me spend far too much time on losing her, time that I’d need to track my targets. 

 Knowing this, I looked at my situation logically, and I knew that I should bring her with me, but all of me decried this realization. Once she saw me as only the Lokke Vitras, doing one of the worst tasks required by my role, she’d never look at me the same way. 

 She’d forgive me for it. Maybe. But whatever milder image she might hold of me would be shattered forever, and I didn’t want that. 

 So, I wouldn’t let it happen. I could manipulate the situation so that at its end, she saw it in the right light. That was a key piece of what I did. Wasn’t it? 

 “You do exactly as I say when I say it. You keep your opinions about how I’m handling the targets to yourself until after the mission’s over, and you stay in mission mode the entire time,” I said. “You promise to do these things, and you can come with me.” 

 Leski must have understood how serious I was about this because she nodded instead of making a quip, like she normally would. 

 “I promise,” she said. 

 “Then, let’s get started.” 

 By the time Leski and I had gotten out of the skycruiser, a small crowd had surrounded Baely. As individuals noticed me coming toward them, their excited conversation cut off in spurts. 

 Once I was close enough, I quickly identified this town’s leader. Lutov’s far-flung towns, the places where most of the middle and low Strata lived, operate largely outside of the Houses’ control. Everyone here would still honor their House above their family and their personal considerations, but because the residents of each individual town had little impact on Lutov as a whole, the key players in the homeland’s politics tended to think little of these ‘backwater places’. 

 That didn’t mean, however, that politics took a break here. Each town would have their equivalent of a mayor or a council, although those positions were loose in nature. Here, it belonged to a diminutive woman, someone I’d have overlooked if she hadn’t been forcing herself to meet my eyes. 

 Because towns kept to themselves, I rarely operated in them. In fact, this recent hunt, which had seen me visiting several of them, was the first time I’d stepped foot in one for over fifty years, all of which was to say that my presence here was an anomaly. I was surprised that so many of these people had stayed in place, rather than hurrying back to their homes. 

 Swallowing hard, the town’s mayor said, “Greetings to you, Lokke Vitras. How may we serve?” 

 That had been a bit formal, but I could work with- 

 “Per! I was just telling these people that I’ll need a place to stay for a night. Maybe two,” Baely said. “Do we need anything else from them?” 

 She glanced at our surroundings while I shook my head at her. Trust my daughter to lower a confrontation’s tension, even if it had been done unintentionally. 

 I understood what she’d meant, though. This town was quaint. We’d landed in a square, one that was surrounded by shops with apartments above them and narrow, two-story homes. A community building stood at one end of the square, and near my skycruiser, there was a playground for the town’s few children, peeking out from behind their parents. 

 Everything looked well maintained here, but it wasn’t decked out in the opulence that the high Strata enjoyed. This was what Baely had gotten used to, and once our current crisis was over, my partners and I should encourage her to mingle with the lower Strata more so that she understood how privileged we were. But for now… 

 “If anyone here has a pair of bikes that they’ll let me borrow, it would be helpful,” I said. “Other than that, just make sure Baely’s safe. That’s all I need from you.” 

 Nervously, the town’s mayor nodded. 

 “Give us a moment, and it will be done,” she said. 

 Inclining my head to her, I said, “My thanks.” 

 And nothing else. In situations like this, using minimal words was usually for the best. If I made an effort to be social, it would only make these people anxious. 

 As expected, the crowd dispersed once they knew my intentions, taking Baely with them. She winked at me before disappearing behind a door. 

 I didn’t have to wait long for what I’d requested, and once we had the bikes, Leski and I mounted them before taking off.

Chapter 73: I Never Wanted You to See This
Leski followed me as I made for where Kolb scouts had last spotted my targets. 

 I wasn’t sure how long this hunt would take me. Sure, the last one had taken a week, but usually, I only needed a day or two. 

 When it came to timing, I was hoping this hunt would be on the lower end. Not only did I want it over with so I could start on Calia’s list, but I was uncomfortable with leaving Baely in strangers’ care. I doubted they’d treat her poorly, and it was better that she was with them than me, but still. It set me on edge. 

 When we reached our destination, I frowned. No one was there, waiting for me. It would have surprised me if they had been, but considering the blatantly visible bike trails that were leading away from this spot, my targets might as well have stayed here. They hadn’t hidden their tracks. Why?  

 It was likely that they’d simply failed to follow a precaution that I considered basic. Even as I turned to follow the trail, though, I couldn’t shake my unease. Something was wrong here, but I couldn’t pinpoint it, not yet. I eventually would, though. I always did. 

 Soon enough, I spotted the bump of an encampment on the horizon, and stopping, I dismounted my borrowed bike. 

 “You’re to serve only as backup,” I told Leski. “It they fight, you can watch my back, but that’s all. Don’t act aggressively unless you must.” 

 Because I didn’t want this confrontation to stain her hands more than it already would. 

 With a cheeky grin, Leski said, “You got it, love.” 

 The way she’d said that was so reminiscent of another loved one that for a moment, their ghost was superimposed over her body. 

 “You’ve got this, LV,” my hallucination softly said. 

 With a tight grin, I nodded to them both before turning toward the bump on the horizon. As expected, it filled out as we came closer, and with my array enhancing my sight, I picked out my targets before slowly breathing out, entering mission mode. 

 “We’ll use our speed to approach them,” I said. “Come in from the north.” 

 Once Leski had acknowledged her orders, I was off. 

 The fight didn’t take long. My targets hadn’t been prepared for me, and so, I’d incapacitated most of them before they’d registered our presence. Killing the others took minimal effort. 

 The same couldn’t be said for what came after that. Unlike with my last target, prying information out of these people was a long and arduous process, and halfway through it, I had to give up the illusion that I could shelter Leski from the evil I was committing. I noted her facial expressions changing, her slow drop out of mission mode, but I couldn’t change what was happening, much as I refused to consider what would come once I was done here. 

 In the end, my targets didn’t volunteer the information that I needed, making me use a Puppeteer on them. I was sorting through the last of the group’s arrays when Leski broke her promise to me. 

 “Zae… please,” she breathed. “This is enough, isn’t it? You can- you can stop now.” 

 Squeezing my eyes closed, I continued with my search, even as I forced words out of my mouth. 

 “I must be sure that I have everything,” I said. “If this woman had shared what she knew in a verbal manner, I could have read her body language as she was speaking, and that would have informed me as to when I could stop. She can’t do that right now, though, which means I have to continue. You’re supposed to be in mission mode, Leski.” 

 She was silent for a while, and I focused on scouring the last of my target’s array rather than considering what that silence might mean. 

 “This is cruel,” she eventually said. “Unnecessarily cruel.” 

 Rather than read through the array’s last bit of data, I copied it to mine as I took a calming breath. Gently, I lowered my target to the ground before requesting my rifle. 

 “No, my love. What I’ve done was necessary,” I said. “Keeping these people trapped in their broken minds would be cruel.” 

 Without looking at Leski, I wandered through the encampment, shooting neat holes through its occupants’ forehead. Once I was done, the hallucination that I’d seen earlier flickered into being once more. 

 “I get it now,” they said. “She will too, someday. Trust me on that.” 

 I didn’t know what to say to them. Why would they give me this comfort, so soon after shouting disgust at me? If they were merely a hallucination, why would their opinion differ from mine or at the least, from my perception of the person they were modeled after? In either of those circumstances, they shouldn’t be able to offer such soothing words, and the fact that they had only confused me. 

 In this moment, I couldn’t afford confusion, so without a word, I dragged my eyes to my wife. Precariously balanced on her back leg, she was staring at me, wide-eyed, with her lips parted and nose wrinkled, which yes. That was what I’d thought she’d look like at the end of this. My anticipation of seeing her shock made it hurt no less, though. 

 With a sigh, I dropped my rifle. 

 “This is my job, love,” I said. “This is what I’m doing every time I’ve said I don’t need your help on a mission, smiling so you don’t worry. I have fought so hard to keep you from realizing everything that the role of the Lokke Vitras has forced from me, but here we are, and I am so very sorry for what you’re feeling right now.” 

 When I stopped talking, she didn’t say anything. She didn’t even move, and shaking my head, I rubbed my eyes. 

 “I know how awful it is to say this, but we should go,” I said. “I don’t want to leave Baely with strangers for longer than we have to, and I have a safehouse to investigate.” 

 I paused, unsure if I should continue, but Leski needed to hear this. 

 “After what’s happened here, I’ll understand if you’d rather stay in town than continue to my next destination with me,” I said. “We shouldn’t discuss that here, though. Let’s get somewhere safe first.” 

 I didn’t wait for her response. Even without the need for it, I used House Kolb speed to reach our bikes, reading through the data that I’d pulled from my target as I did. That was why when Leski stopped beside me, releasing a long string of heated words, I didn’t hear her. I was stuck staring at the last set of messages that one of my targets had both received and sent. 

 One where the other participant in the conversation lived in the town where we’d left Baely. 

 “It was a trap,” I said, stunned. 

 Leski cut off with her face reddening, but I couldn’t be bothered to calm her down right now. Of course my targets had made their tracks so visible. After learning that my daughter had been with me in the town, they’d wanted me to find them, keeping me away from her. And it was why they’d been so resistant to my interrogation. They’d been buying their comrades more time. 

 As I grabbed Leski’s shoulders, stopping a second tirade, the world went crystal clear while my everything focused on a single thought. 

 “Leski, those people were bait,” I said. “They’re going after our daughter.” 

 With blood draining from her face, Leski clicked her teeth together before ripping herself out of my grip. I didn’t check what she did next. Why would I when I knew what it would be?  

 Together, we mounted our bikes and raced back toward the town.

Chapter 74: Don't You Touch Her
It was quiet when we arrived. No one was outside of their homes, and there was no breeze to stir the air. 

 I couldn’t be sure how many of these people were complicit in this plot, whether willingly or under force, so I was careful while moving between houses with Leski barely audible behind me. Before entering the town’s confines, we’d placed camouflage disks on the back of our necks— 

 Our daughter’s life was at stake. We weren’t taking chances. 

 —but not only did that piece of tech fail to mask sound but our enemies might be on the lookout for the telltale sign of the disk’s use: eyes skipping over a spot. 

 We easily reached the house Baely had entered earlier, and I signaled for Leksi to hold position while heading toward the back. When I scanned its interior, there was a small militia waiting for us, so many people crowding such a tiny space that I couldn’t pick Baely out of them. 

 Can you eliminate the five closest to you? I sent to Leski. 

 She should be able to. I knew my wife’s capabilities well, but for something this important, I also knew better than to make assumptions. Her reply popped into my array within a few heartbeats. 

 I’d be more comfortable with four, it read. I’m not sure I can get a good angle on the one that’s furthest from me, but I can compensate if I must. 

 Let’s not, I was quick to send back, not when Baely’s life is on the line. You handle those four. I’ll take the rest. I’ll move when you do. 

 After a pause, I watched Leski reach for something at her waist, and as she strode for the front door, I slipped through the back entrance. 

 The scene inside was exactly as my array had reported it. A man was standing in the hallway that led deeper into the house, watching where I’d entered it, and on seeing the door open, he made to shout a warning. Fortunately, I was close enough to sink a dagger into his lungs, preventing him from making a sound, and finishing him off, I lowered the body to the floor. 

 Leski was almost to the front door, so I glided toward the first floor’s central room, ready to join her when she made her entrance. She did that with style, opening the door the barest sliver before flowing through it, and already, she’d sent two knives flying. I didn’t see the rest, firing off shot after shot while sticking my dagger through a woman’s heart. 

 Bodies dropped, leaving the room cleared of hostiles, and only five seconds had passed. It was damn fine work for a pair of House Kolb operatives. Sloppy for me, but I’d been too preoccupied with identifying my daughter to move faster. 

 She’d been sitting on the living room’s couch, seemingly unperturbed by the people standing guard over her, but when one of them collapsed, lifeless, into her lap, she screamed. I was across the room in a breath, pulling the body off of the couch before crouching in front of her. Gently, I took her shoulders. 

 “It’s ok,” I said. “Baely, you’re safe.” 

 Falling silent, Baely dragged their gaze off of the corpse to stare at me, wide-eyed. 

 “You killed him,” they whispered. 

 Sucking in a breath, I jerked away from them. Oh, Mother Time. What had I done? I… I’d sworn to keep this one life safe, protected from me, and yes, my daughter had chosen Kolb as their House. Yes, they’d probably see similar things throughout their life because of that but- 

 Something pushed against me, and following that prompt, I moved to the side, letting Leski take my place. 

 “Why don’t you come with me, sweetie?” she said. “Let’s go outside and get a breath of fresh air. Your father can finish in here.” 

 Slowly, Baely nodded, and Leski led her outside, leaving me alone in a room full of bodies. Squeezing my eyes closed, I rubbed my face, trying to erase the look of horror imprinted on the back of my eyelids. 

 I’d been in this situation, surrounded by the dead, so many times before, but this instance of it was worse than any of the others. Could one factor really change it so drastically? 

 Shaking my head, I set to work, alerting the relevant parties of the mess I was leaving behind. They’d get it cleaned up, as they always did. I wondered what they thought of their Lokke Vitras, those people who constantly handled the destruction that I left in my wake. 

 Beside the skycruiser, this town’s mayor was speaking with Leski, wringing her hands at the glare she was receiving in response, and I sighed under my breath. What was the point of wasting anger on a mostly innocent bystander? 

 After spotting my daughter through the skycruiser’s window, I quickened my pace, eager to leave this place. The town’s mayor soon caught sight of me, which hiccupped the stream of her word. Swallowing hard, she turned toward me, and I raised a hand. 

 “They coerced you into cooperating, yes?” I said. 

 The mayor frantically nodded, and making a face, I kneaded the back of my neck, which made her flinch. I paused before lowering my hands. 

 “You should have told me what was happening. I am your Lokke Vitras, here to serve Lutov and therefore, you,” I said, “but I understand why you didn’t, so please. Go in peace, knowing that I hold nothing against you.” 

 Bowing low, the mayor might have uttered her thanks before scurrying off, but if she did, I didn’t hear it, already focused on the greater problem. 

 Once Leski and I were alone, I said, “I’m sorry.” 

 I didn’t know what else I could do to fix this. 

 Crossing her arms, Leski said, “You sure are saying that a lot lately. Isn’t part of your precious job never apologizing for what you’ve done?” 

 With my eyes burning, I turned aside, unable to do anything else. If I spoke, I was afraid of what might come out of it. 

 After an interminably long silence, Leski cleared her throat. 

 “What now, Lokke Vitras?” she asked. 

 Shit. She’d dropped into mission mode. 

 Snapping my eyes closed, I gritted my teeth, grinding them together until I no longer needed to scream at the world’s unfairness. With a long breath out, I joined my wife in a near emotionless state, a side of me that had become increasingly more comfortable as time had gone on. 

 “This disaster has shown me that I was right,” I said. “Having family near me while I resolve our current crisis is dangerous. While I can’t tell you or Korix what to do when it comes to this, I still have a say in how we handle our daughter, and I say that she cannot accompany me on this mission. So, we will fly back to Xygek, where we will leave them somewhere safe. We will meet with Ko, and the two of you will decide how committed you are to the idea of helping me.” 

 I’d almost sneered that last bit, barely catching myself in time, but Leski didn’t seem to notice. When I glanced at her, she inclined her head before getting into the skycruiser. 

 “Mother Time damn it all,” I said under my breath. 

 But then, I joined my family inside. I only took one look at Baely before facing forward, chewing on my lip. Hell, I’d never seen her so empty before. I wondered how long she’d look like that. 

 Without another word, I fed the console a set of coordinates, and the skycruiser lifted off, taking us away from a still seemingly abandoned town.

Chapter 75: We Need to Talk
When we reached House Kolb’s headquarters, Korix took one look at us before pulling Baely into a hug. 

 “What happened?” he asked over the top of her head. 

 I was halfway to answering when Leski barreled over me. 

 “Your student showed us everything that he’s capable of,” she snapped. “You should be proud.” 

 Apparently, she was no longer in mission mode. 

 In shocked silence, Korix slid his cool, gray eyes to me, and I shrugged. 

 “I couldn’t find another way,” I said. 

 Maintaining his gaze was… Mother Time, it was impossible, but I did it anyway until Baely shifted in Korix’s arms, breaking his hold on them. 

 “That’s not fair, mom,” they said. “I know what happened was hard, but you can’t take it out on them. It’s not fair.” 

 Sucking in a breath, Leski bit her tongue for a moment before sharply nodding. 

 “I need some space,” she said. “If you need me, I’ll be at the apartment.” 

 Marching away, she quickly disappeared, leaving my heart aching. She wasn’t the one who most needed my attention right now, though. When I turned to Baely, she engulfed me in a hug, burying her face in my shoulder. 

 “I love you, per, more than I can say,” she said before lifting her eyes to meet mine, “but I’m going to stay with some friends tonight. I need some time to think. Ok?” 

 Smiling, I cupped my daughter’s cheeks, brushing a thumb under her eye. 

 “I am so proud of you for knowing your limits and setting boundaries,” I said. “Given that, of course you should spend as much time as you want with your friends, but can you please update me about where you are and if you’re safe?” 

 With a laugh, Baely nudged my hands off of them. 

 “Considering I just got kidnapped, I think that can be arranged,” they said. 

 Ignoring how much Korix had stiffened, I said, “Thank you. Have fun with your friends, and I love you too.” 

 “I know,” Baely said with a brilliant smile. 

 Whirling toward Korix, she made her farewell of him, but I wasn’t paying attention to it, already heading back to the skycruiser. I had work to do. 

 Even still, I waited for Korix before leaving. I knew he’d need a more detailed report than the spotty information Leski and Baely had given him, and sure enough, he soon stopped beside me, crossing his arms with an eyebrow raised. I didn’t bother with pleasantries, telling him the story in a cool and precise manner. By the end of it, he was pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes squeezed closed. 

 “I should have been there to help,” he said. 

 “Maybe,” I said with a shrug, “but it’s in the past, Ko. There’s nothing we can do about it except give Baely and Leski what they’ve asked for.” 

 “That’s true.” 

 Relaxing, Korix lowered his hand before looking me over. 

 “Are you headed out again?” he asked. 

 “In a minute,” I said. “I was hoping you’d share how things went between Calia’s people and the shukusenth first.” 

 Maybe he’d also tell me what personal matter had been so important that he’d taken the risk of marring Baely and Leski’s innocence. 

 “That meeting hasn’t happened yet. You know how ponderous these things can be,” Korix said, “but Talira has reassured these dissenters enough that they gave us a second set of coordinates for safehouses.” 

 “How generous of them,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Well? Anytime you feel like passing it along would be nice.” 

 I gestured at Korix, but he didn’t move, watching me. After several beats of quiet, I clicked my tongue while resting my hands on my hips. 

 “What is it?” I said. 

 There had to be something. I knew this look of speculation better than most. 

 Cautiously, Korix said, “I… need you to do something for me.” 

 Ok. I wasn’t sure how much more I could pile on my plate right now but… 

 “What is it?”  I asked. 

 Damn. Korix looked almost nervous now. What could possibly have caused that? 

 Licking his lips, he said, “I need you to take a break. A short one.” 

 With my eye twitching, I drew breath to speak—he knew why I was pushing myself so hard—but he lifted a hand to stop me. 

 “Let me finish first,” he said. “In the last four and a half months, you’ve worked yourself into a state of exhaustion nearly every day, been betrayed by someone you respected, nearly died, and lost the only friend you’ve made in your life, someone you haven’t properly mourned yet. I am at a loss as to how you’re functioning as well as you are, and Talira agrees. The only reason she hasn’t ordered you to take a break is because she knows you won’t listen to her, so instead, we’re hoping you’ll do that with me. Come home, Zae, just for the rest of the day. You’ve given the homeland enough security to rest, if only for a few hours, so please. Take a break so that once this is over, your family will have a recognizable version of you left.” 

 Hell, he was speaking so logically right now, and I knew he was right, but- but I couldn’t do what he’d asked. I didn’t know why this was only hitting me now, instead of at another point over the last four months, but I wasn’t seeking out House Cerullis fugitives solely to keep Lutov safe. I needed them gone for something much more important, to me at least. I was fighting to get justice for- 

 “Me?” 

 Stepping out from behind Korix, my hallucination flashed a sloppy grin at me. 

 “That’s silly, LV. You have to admit it,” they said, “but even if you won’t do that, think about this situation with me. Even if we discount every other benefit you might gain, getting some rest might banish me from your life, and you do want that, right?” 

 How could they know what I wanted? Even I wasn’t sure what that was right now. Sure, having a hallucination hanging around was… concerning, to say the least, but I also… I also didn’t want to say goodbye to my friend again. 

 Even still, my hallucination was in my brain. They had to be, whether they were actually a hallucination or something else entirely, and that meant they were probably voicing my subconscious right now, the piece of me that had always guided me along the correct path throughout my life. Should I listen to it now? 

 Sighing, I said, “Fine. Let’s go.” 

 With his mouth open to continue arguing with me, Korix froze, cocking his head, before smiling. 

 “Never thought you’d let me win so easily,” he said. “Reminds me of old times.” 

 “Well, don’t get used to it.” 

 Stepping through my hallucination, I repeatedly poked Korix’s chest. 

 “I am not your kuvesk . Not anymore.” 

 “I know." 

 Korix took my finger, lifting it so he could kiss the heel of my palm, and as I flushed, he turned away to lead us off the landing pad. 

 I was so wrapped up in the idea of rest that the walk passed beneath my notice. Hell, when was the last time I’d let myself relax in any way? At times over these last four months, it had felt like I was alert and primed for action even in the middle of my dreams. 

 Until we walked through the apartment’s front door, I forgot that a source of conflict would be waiting for me at home, but fortunately, as we made our way through the apartment, Leski was nowhere to be seen. Maybe Korix had messaged her to let her know we were coming, and if so, it had been a good idea. I didn’t want to avoid her right now, quite the opposite, but respecting her wishes seemed wise. 

 Korix took me into the spare bedroom, and on seeing the bed in there, I didn’t bother with removing my clothes. I stumbled to collapse face-first on it, breathing in the scent of clean sheets, and soon enough, Korix joined me, bouncing me in place. I rolled over, snuggling into his side. 

 “Thank you,” I said. 

 But then, my store of accrued exhaustion hit me over the head with a mallet, and I happily lost consciousness. I wasn’t sure if I dreamed that night. If I did, my unconscious ramblings were lost when I gradually woke up, roused by the smell of frying bacon. 

 Grinning, I yawned while clambering out of bed. Korix was cooking. All was right with the world. 

 In the kitchen, he was facing the stove with his back to me, so for a while, I watched him, leaning against the doorframe with my arms crossed. 

 “Are you planning on standing there all day, or will you help me?” he eventually asked. 

 Straightening, I chucked. 

 “All you had to do was ask.” 

 After removing bacon from a pan, Korix slid it to another eye on the stove, pointing to a loaf of bread nearby. I toasted slices of it in the leftover grease while he got started with making caf. 

 “How long was I out?” I asked. 

 Koris gave me an incredulous look, at which I stuck out my tongue. Sure, I could have easily checked that for myself. Sure, I should have done that before getting out of bed, but what could I say? Sometimes, I liked meaningless small talk with the people I loved. 

 Shaking his head, Korix said, “Almost ten hours.” 

 Choking on a cough, I sank my spatula into the soggy bread hard enough that its halves were soon floating away from one another. 

 “Ten… hours?” I gasped. “This was supposed to be a short break. I- I need to go!” 

 Snatching my wrist, Korix took the spatula from me before fishing a slice of toast out of the pan. 

 “No. You don’t,” he said. “Break’s not over, Zae. Not quite. So, sit down and eat with me before I’m forced to take extreme measures to keep you here.” 

 Was that supposed to scare me? Because honestly? It did. Even now, I was uncertain of what Korix was capable of, and I didn’t want to see the wealth of his experience and skill brought to bear against me, especially if he was doing it with my best interests at heart. 

 Mother Time knew what that extra bit of protectiveness would evoke in him. 

 So, I grumpily acquiesced, plopping into a chair at the table with a frown. Besides, what harm could an extra quarter hour of idleness do? 

 Sliding a plate in front of me, Korix pointed at it— 

 “Eat.” 

 —before placing a mug of caf at my elbow. I did what he’d said, even if I also did my level best not to enjoy this oh-dear-Mother-Time-it-was-amazing meal. Soon enough, Korix sat beside me, and while I refused to talk to him, I couldn’t resist holding his hand when he placed it between us. 

 This was how Leski found us. Wandering into the kitchen bleary-eyed, she narrowed said eyes at us while grabbing some caf. I hurried to finish my breakfast before she’d finished preparing her cup, but by the time she came to stand over us, I wasn’t done. I shoved a last slice of bacon into my mouth while she stared, sipping her caf. 

 “Zaeden, we need to talk,” she said. 

 She glided out of the kitchen with nothing else. Exchanging a glance with Korix, I extricated my hand from his before hurrying after her. 

 We ended up in our bedroom with her sitting against the headboard, clutching a stuffed animal to her chest. Blank-faced, she took another pull of her caf while gesturing for me to join her, and after I’d gotten settled, she handed me another stuffed animal. 

 Shit. This would be serious. Leski didn’t get these out for anything else. 

 Oh, fuck. What had happened yesterday had been too much for her, hadn’t it? She was about to tell me that we were done, that she was- 

 “So, first of all, I’m not leaving you,” Leski said. “I don’t know who hurt you so badly that you jump to that possibility first in situations like this, but that doesn’t matter right now. I’m going nowhere. Ok?” 

 Biting my lip, I nodded, wondering when I’d started strangling the stuffed animal I was holding. It had been a while since we’d had a conversation that had required them. I’d forgotten how much they helped. 

 With a slow sigh, Leski finished off her caf. Setting it aside, she lifted her stuffed bear, touching its nose to hers, and stared into its eyes. 

 “I understand everything the Lokke Vitras is called to do, at least conceptually, but having it shoved in my face like that…” 

 Lowering the bear, Leski met my eyes. 

 “I didn’t like it, and if I’m exposed to it again, I’m afraid of what might happen. So.” 

 Looking away, she hugged the bear. 

 “I can’t go on missions with you right now. In fact, I can’t be involved in the Lokke Vitras side of your life in any way, I don’t think,” she said. “I’m not asking you to stay silent about it. Tell me about your missions as much as you like, but beyond that, I can’t be a part of it.” 

 Oh. That was… 

 With my fingers limp in my lap, I stared at them, trying to decide what to say. Leski was, in essence, rejecting a part of who I was. It was a part that I mostly despised, but nevertheless, this hurt, and I didn’t want her to see that. I wanted her to share what she needed from me to be happy, and if I reacted unfavorably to this new boundary between us, she might not do that anymore. 

 How did I balance my needs with hers, though? 

 Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t see Leski lunging for me until she had a hold of my head, and after searching my eyes, she clicked her tongue. 

 “That’s what I thought,” she said. 

 Releasing me, she stole my stuffed animal before throwing it in my face. 

 “This isn’t for forever, dumbass!” she said. “And I don’t hate what you do to keep us safe. The fact that you endure so much while staying you amazes me! I just need some time spent learning how to cope for when this happens again. If it happens again. That’s all!” 

 Again. Oh. 

 “I love you,” I said, ignoring how blurred my vision had become. 

 “I love you too,” Leski said. 

 Smirking, she wiped away a tear before gently kissing me. I could tell it had been meant as only a peck, a small bit of comfort imparted, but still, it had me pulling back with a shaky gasp before leaning in again, tangling my hands in her hair. 

 Hell, I’d missed this. The connections that one could find with another person were endless, all of them wonderful in their own way, but for me, this sort of physicality was one of the most fulfilling. 

 Grabbing Leski’s stuffed animal, I tossed it away so I could nudge her back onto the bed. I brushed my hands over her skin while she steadily stole the breath from my lungs, and here, we remained for a while, until someone cleared his throat behind us. 

 “I thought you had to go,” Korix said. 

 Groaning, I rested my forehead in the hollow of Leski’s neck while she laughed. 

 “Oh, hush, and get over here, asshole,” she said. 

 Humming, Korix seemed happy to follow his instructions, crawling over the bed toward us. Something deep inside of me exhaled at the mischievous grin on his face, even as I turned back to rest my head on Leski’s chest. Seemed I’d be taking an even longer break than I’d initially anticipated.

Chapter 76: Something's Wrong Here
It took quite some time, but eventually, I extracted myself from the apartment, heading for House Kolb’s headquarters. I thought it best to give myself the length of the walk to settle into the Lokke Vitras role once more, and after that was done, I had to admit. Korix had once again proven himself wise. After a night of rest and recuperation, I was ready to take on any enemy. 

 Except Talira. 

 She intercepted me on the way to my skycruiser, stopping me with her arms spread wide for a hug. Frozen in place, I darted my eyes over the high Strata around us, confused about what she was doing. When we were around other House Kolb members, she usually didn’t play her part as my grandmother, but a hug was far too familiar of a gesture between the Lokke Vitras and his shukusen . 

 Clicking her tongue, Talira fucking shouted, “Get your ass over here before I kick it, Zaeden. Appearances be damned, just for the moment. I’m proud of you.” 

 Hesitantly, I edged into her arms, and squeezing me, Talira placed her mouth near my ear. 

 “Follow my lead until we reach my office, or I really will kick your ass,” she whispered. 

 Ah. So, she wasn’t pleased with me. Was this an attempt to boost morale, then? From the uneasy glances directed our way, I’d say it wasn’t working. 

 Clapping my shoulder, Talira tugged me along, heading toward her office. 

 “Who’d have thought someone could turn so many people traitor to their House?” she loudly said. “But doing the impossible has always been your forte, grandson. How fortunate that you have those skills, considering what Cerullis has become.” 

 Wait. Was she trying to protect me? She usually didn’t sing my praises like this, especially not where so many people could hear them. 

 But no, that couldn’t be right. She had nothing to protect me from. 

 “Thank you… grandmama,” I said. 

 Had anyone else noticed that slight hesitation? I knew Talira had, given her quick glance at me, but she didn’t count. I wasn’t putting on a performance for her. 

 “As always, I only did what I thought was right,” I continued, “and I’m the Lokke Vitras. Nothing is outside of my capabilities, so please, don’t praise me for this.” 

 Shaking her head, Talira patted my shoulder with a laugh. 

 “Look at you. Always so humble!” she said. “We have much to discuss, though. Join me in my office.” 

 Smiling, she stepped into a lift, one that would presumably take her to the top of the tower, and silently sighing, I followed her. Once we were in her office, she closed the door before banging her head on it with a quiet screech. Raising an eyebrow at this, I diverted my course from her desk to the sideboard. She’d be less difficult to work with if I got her a drink before she realized that she needed one. 

 “Problem?” I asked. 

 At that, Talira started snickering before bursting into uproarious laughter. 

 “So, so many of them,” she eventually gasped. “You have no idea.” 

 But then, she straightened, getting herself under control, before turning to me. 

 “It’s nothing I can’t handle, though,” she said. “Thank you.” 

 Plucking the drink out of my hand, she settled into her typical seat behind the desk, gesturing for me to join her. Once I’d sat across from her, she steepled her fingers in front of her face. 

 “Did Korix tell you what I pulled out of your little group of dissenters?” she asked. 

 Nodding, I said, “A second set of safehouses, yes. He has yet to give me the coordinates, though.” 

 “That’s because he doesn’t have them,” Talira said before waving at me. “Don’t worry. I’ll send them to you before you leave, but I wanted to withhold them until I had the chance to update you in person. Things have been tense here, and there are some things I need to share that I couldn’t trust over a connection.” 

 “That sounds ominous,” I lightly said. 

 I’d been hoping to make her laugh, but if anything, my statement turned her even more serious. 

 “It’s certainly not great,” she said. “So, first of all, there’s been some unease over how you’re handling the fugitives. The other shukusenth, the ones who don’t know you well at least, expected you to kill far more of those poor people than you have. I’ve heard some of them wondering if you’re not secretly allied with Sanya, building her an army of exiled, and you know what they’re like. Speculation can quickly turn to suspicion, even without evidence to support it.” 

 So, the performance earlier had been an attempt to protect me, in a way. Still. What Talira was proposing… 

 “Why would they think that I’m anything but loyal to Lutov?” I asked. “Over the last century, I’ve only proven that fact.” 

 Or at least, I thought I had. In some ways, it had been my goal, all done to keep as much attention off of my less-than-loyal activities. 

 With a snort, Talira shook her head. 

 “Really, Zaeden? You don’t know?” she said. “You bring change, and the other shukusenth don’t like it. It doesn’t matter how loyal you appear to be. Because you don’t fit into the mold that they’ve made for you, they’ll constantly be watching you for betrayal, as so many other non-conforming Lokke Vitras have done in the past.” 

 Well, fuck. I’d known that my ‘defiant’ streak was sure to gain me some of the shukusenth’s attention at some point, but I hadn’t expected it to be so soon. Still, so far as I knew, some among them were friendly to me, and I could cultivate those ties. Plus, I already had a powerful ally, or… was Talira my ally? 

 “And what do you think about this?” I asked, trying to radiate bemusement. 

 I didn’t know if I’d managed it, considering how serious Talira was keeping herself. 

 “I know that you’re planning to change Lutov, even if I’m not sure how far you mean to take that. I keep waiting for you to share your plans with me, but I know that won’t happen for a while, nor should it, given our complicated relationship," she said. “Let me be clear, Zaeden. When it comes to this, I am watching you just as much as the others. There is a line that I will never let you cross, one I don’t think you ever intend to approach, but until or if you do, I mean to sit back and watch you work. To this point, what you’ve done has only benefitted Lutov, and I look forward to seeing what else you can accomplish. Am I understood?” 

 With a dry mouth, I nodded. I’d always thought that Talira might know my secret goal, but this was as close as she’d come to outright saying that. It was good to know that, for the moment at least, she wouldn’t get in my way. 

 “Do you have any suggestions for how I can alleviate the other shukusenth’s concerns, besides changing my methods?” I asked. “I’m not killing people who don’t deserve it unless I absolutely have to.” 

 “Let me handle it,” Talira said while flapping a hand. “You’ve got enough on your plate.” 

 Raising an eyebrow, I said, “And you don’t as well? You seemed pretty frustrated earlier.” 

 With a sigh, Talira sipped her drink before firmly resting it on her desk once more. 

 “Yes, but managing the shukusenth is one of my easier tasks,” she said. “I’ve been working with them for a long time. Predicting how they’ll act has become easy.” 

 Shrugging, I said, “Ok. Take them on if you want, but you’ll have to let me start messing with the politics side of this life at some point, if you ever want me to replace you that is.” 

 “Are you kidding? I’m not letting you get your grubby, little paws anywhere near politics. Not yet,” Talira said with a grin. “Maybe after we’re stable again but definitely not before then.” 

 Scowling, I slouched. 

 “Fine…” I sighed. “Now, what else did you need to tell me?” 

 Any trace of a good mood that our banter might have raised in Talira vanished. Making a face, she rubbed her eyes. 

 “Before you run off again, we should talk about Sanya,” she said. 

 I went cold, suddenly unable to move anything but my mouth. How could one name do this to me? 

 “Have you found her?” I calmly asked. 

 Ah. That was why. Despite… everything, I dreaded the moment when I’d be given a set of coordinates and told to go fetch. I knew what would happen soon after that. 

 “No. To my continual frustration, that girl still has an innate ability to hide, one she learned as a child,” Talira said. “No, I thought…” 

 Falling silent, she sighed. 

 “I should probably tell you how I know her.” 

 Or we could discuss this subject, one I’d anticipated with almost as much anxiety. 

 “I’ve been wondering about that,” I said. “You and Ko have certainly dropped enough hints to let me know that she’s more than just a former shukusen of Cerullis to you.” 

 Grimacing, Talira said, “Yes, I thought you might have noticed. Before you ask, I can’t tell you how Korix is connected to Sanya. After so many years of working together, I’ve betrayed his trust too many times to count. I won’t do it again.” 

 “Nor would I want you to,” I said, inclining my head in acknowledgment. 

 I was a little annoyed that his relationship with Sanya would remain a secret, but as had been said many times by many different people in the past, we take what we can get. 

 “As for me, I actually know Sanya through Korix,” Talira said. “Because of that, I can’t tell you how we met, but I can say that due to those circumstances, I’ve always felt responsible for her. It’s why I advocated so heavily for her elevation to the position of shukusen, which was a mistake. I thought she was ready for the pressure associated with the role. Look how wrong I was.” 

 With my eye twitching, I couldn’t keep the snarl off of my face. 

 “Sanya’s choices are her own,” I snapped. “We… you can’t be blamed for them.” 

 Hell, that had been a major slip up on my part. I hadn’t been aware of how hurt I still was by Sanya’s betrayal. Thankfully, Talira didn’t comment on it. 

 “Yes, I know,” she said, “but that’s the extent of my relationship with her. Even still, it could be a vulnerability when we  deal with her, so I thought I should tell you.” 

 “And I thank you for it,” I said before pausing for a moment. “Korix’s connection to Sanya. Will it be a problem?” 

 Talira went blank-faced. 

 “Ask him,” she said. 

 Shiiit… 

 But that was a problem for another day. 

 “I will,” I said. “Is there anything else, or can I get back to work?” 

 I should do that. This ‘break’ had extended long past the time I’d allotted for it. 

 “No, we’re done here,” Talira said. “I’ll send you the coordinates for the second set of safehouses and Zaeden? Clear them quickly. Once this meeting between your dissenters and the shukusenth happens, I have a plan to handle the loyal remnants of Cerullis, one that I’ll need you to take part in. Also, once the dissidents’ proposal has been approved, I’m sending Korix to help them with their new commune. Given that, I can guarantee you that he’ll need your help soon.” 

 Halfway through getting out of my chair, I froze, narrowing my eyes at Talira. Something in her tone… 

 “What do you mean?” I asked. 

 With a tight smile, Talira says, “What I said. Get out of here, my Lokke Vitras. I need Lutov free of fugitives.” 

 Oh… I did not like it when she hid things from me like this. Still, I finished getting to my feet and bowed. 

 “Yes, my shukusen,” I said. “I’ll bring you a report once I’m finished.” 

 At her nod, I left, already writing a message to Korix. 

 Talira told me you’re helping Calia and her people with their project. Can you handle that alone? I can join you soon, if needed. 

 Maybe something in his reply would leave a clue as to what Talira didn’t want me to know about, but until I received it, I’d have to put the question aside. I had other problems to handle.  

 When I eventually reached my skycruiser at the tower’s top, I was surprised to see Baely leaning against it. I didn’t know how they’d gotten there without me noticing, but when they saw me coming, they straightened with a nervous smile on their face. Oh, this couldn’t be good. 

 Despite that, I returned my daughter’s smile. 

 “Hi, sweetie,” I said. “How are your friends? I thought you were staying with them for a while.” 

 Biting her lip, Baely tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. 

 “That was the plan, yeah,” she said before taking a deep breath. “Then, I decided that I needed to come with you more than I need space right now.” 

 She paused, cautiously watching me, and I fought to keep my hands at my sides instead of rubbing my eyes. 

 “Baely…” I started, not sure where to go with this. 

 I couldn’t endanger my daughter any more than I already had. 

 Throwing up their hands to stop me, they said, “Hang on. Let me explain before you say anything.” 

 With a sigh, I nodded, but this only made them shift in place. Before I had to push them to speak, though, Baely started blurting their explanation at me. 

 “You’re the Lokke Vitras, which is the most dangerous job in Lutov. I knew this, but until the last few days, I never truly understood it.” 

 Rapidly blinking, she glanced away from me to look out over Xygek’s skyline. 

 “I don’t know what to think about how you killed all of those people. It seemed so easy for you,” she continued, “but as I thought about it, I realized how simple it could have been for you to have died instead of them, and more than anything, I don’t want that.” 

 With a gasp, Baely vigorously shook their head before meeting my eyes. 

 “I want to help keep you safe, although I know I can’t do much about that. I’m not a fighter like you, but I am good at first aid. Maybe… maybe you could bring me with you so I can patch you up if you get hurt. I could stay on the sidelines while you’re doing your job—” 

 If their nose wrinkled while saying that last word, I chose not to see it. 

 “—and if there’s an emergency, you could message me. I want to keep you alive, per, just until it’s a little safer. Please, let me do that.” 

 I looked at my daughter, noting their red-rimmed eyes, and knew this for what it was. Baely had, in a way, had her world view shaken, and when similar things had happened in the past, she’d always focused on helping others. It was how she processed her problems, and with the subject matter of this upset, I wasn’t surprised that she’d focused those efforts on me. 

 Unfortunately, this meant that for a time, she’d put all of her energy into me, whether this way or through excessive worrying, and no matter how much I disliked the idea of bringing her along, it was better if she used this energy in a productive manner. Besides, I could keep her safe, especially with the restrictions she’d already proposed in place. If I couldn’t do that, Korix and Leski would probably kill me, but by that point, I’d probably want them to. 

 “If you promise to stay where I leave you over the next few days, you can get in the skycruiser,” I sighed. 

 Relaxing, Baely released the breath they’d been holding, and with a tentative smile, they followed their instructions, which was a good start. Still, as I rounded the skycruiser, I couldn’t help but think that I’d made a mistake.  

 This was only compounded by the message that I received while sliding into my seat. 

 I’ll be fine, Zae, it read. This is a diplomatic mission and an easy one at that. You should focus on your task for now, but when you’re done, yes. I could always use your company. Once more working together on a project could be nice, don’t you think? 

 Reading this, I scowled. Once more? He’d helped me with plenty of missions over the years, so why was he pretending otherwise in this message? When sending it, had he expected someone to intercept it, and if so, who? Or was he subtly telling me something else? 

 If he were any other person, I’d think I was overanalyzing a simple turn of phrase, but this was Korix. He wouldn’t say something so off-putting unless it had been meant as a hidden message. 

 “Per?” 

 At my side, Baely was watching me with a frown, and clearing my throat, I shook off my suspicions and doubts.  

 “Sorry, sweetie,” I said. “Let’s head out, shall we?” 

 They gave me the most hesitant of smirks, and I took that as the reassurance that it was. Thus prepared, I started us toward the first of many destinations.

Chapter 77: I Should Get Some Sleep
Two months had passed, and once again, I found myself exhausted beyond measure. This time, however, I was in a fight. Not that this was unusual for me. I was exhausted while fighting at regular intervals. What made this situation unique had nothing to do with that. No. What was different this time was that while participating in it, an injury did something useful for me for the first time in my life. 

 As I moved out from cover, a gash in my leg, one that might see me bleeding out if I wasn’t careful, had me stumbling the slightest bit, but it was enough to move my head out of the way of the energy bolt that had been coming for it. Instead, the bolt singed my hair, searing my ear in the process. I couldn’t consider this miracle, however, as I was too busy struggling to stay on my feet to do that. 

 I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten about that injury. Sure, I might have just received it, and yes, I was almost as exhausted as I’d been before making a fateful trip into the Tainted Lands, months ago. I was wandering through a thick fog, something that was impairing my thinking, but still, I should have remembered the wound. 

 There wasn’t much I could do about either the injury or my forgetfulness right now, though. Grunting, I shot forward once more, advancing on the next bit of cover. 

 This should have been a simple scout and elimination hunt, but something—I wasn’t sure what—had tipped my targets off to my arrival. They’d been prepared for me, and now, I was having to advance on them in skips and jumps. With them having dug into the safehouse, it was my only way to get closer. 

 Given what I was here to do, I couldn’t blame them for their resistance. I’d do the same thing if I was in their position. 

 When I finally reached the safehouse, I paused by the door to catch my breath. According to my array, not many people were waiting inside, so this should be relatively easy. Why did I get the feeling that it would be anything but? 

 After taking a steadying breath, I burst through the door, downing two targets with energy bolts. I snatched one of their bodies on the way to the floor, pulling it in front of me. Using it as a shield, I took one, two steps, but then, I dropped it, twirling to stab a man’s eye. To my surprise, he was quicker than me, batting at my arm before the strike could land. 

 No matter. I already had another knife aimed for his carotid, and this one landed. Jerking on the blade’s handle, I sent blood spraying over the wall before throwing that same knife into the raised arm of a woman aiming at me. A clean hole, bored through her forehead, ended that threat, and I was left panting in an empty safehouse. 

 Maybe I’d been wrong about this hunt’s difficulty. 

 After gathering my weapons, I looked over the bodies around me. Could I have played this out any differently? Perhaps, but these people had seemed intent on dying before letting me take their arrays from them. Still, maybe I should have tried talking- 

 A flash of heat between my shoulder blades knocked the breath out of my lungs, and doubling over, I fought to spin in place instead of falling on my face as my body demanded. The look of triumph on the face of the man behind me swiftly morphed into something else, all while I dumbly gaped at him. 

 Where had he come from? My array had reported… 

 Holy hell. Had I seriously just relied solely on tech during a mission? One hundred years ago, I’d given Feena shit for making such a rooky mistake, and now, here I was, doing the same thing as the Lokke Vitras. I really needed some sleep. 

 But the man in front of me was starting to recover from his shock, so I shoved that need aside, punching him in the face instead. 

 Finishing him off while he was reeling was easy, and once he was down, I was left with a dangerously deep gash in my thigh and a knife in my back. 

 Damn, Baely would give me hell for this, not that I wanted to return to my daughter in this state. I didn’t have much of a choice with that, though. I might have a few hypos of shitty RRDs on me, but I’d left all of my good ones with them, and they were over a kilometer away. 

 Considering how badly I was already swaying, I should start heading their way if I didn’t want to collapse, unconscious, before reaching them. Knowing my daughter, they’d soon start looking for me, worried about my delay, and I didn’t want to panic them like that. It would almost certainly be worse than returning to them this injured. So, after sending a message to Talira, detailing this hunt’s outcome, I set off. 

 Baely was getting better about hiding how much I’d worried her. When I reached her, she ran her eyes over me before calmly reaching for where she’d stashed my RRDs. 

 After letting her pull the knife out of me, I sank to the ground beside her, awkwardly leaning against the tree she was sitting beneath. While she jabbed me with hypos, I closed my eyes and rested my head against the tree’s trunk. Now that today’s safehouse had been cleared out, I should get some rest, letting these RRDs do their work. 

 I was on the dangerous end of adrenaline burst usage right now. If I induced another one anytime soon, there would be consequences, and besides that, my attention and focus were clearly suffering from how long I’d been awake. It was time to listen to my body. 

 “Can you keep watch for me, sweetie?” I asked. “I’m too tired to set traps, and I need sleep.” 

 “Finally, he sees reason,” Baely said under their breath. 

 Cracking an eye open, I smirked at the angry look on their face. Mother Time, they were glaring at the gash on my leg, one that was already closing, but once the RRDs kicked in, its current rate of healing would skyrocket. Was Baely watching to make sure that happened? 

 When I failed to reply, she said, “You don’t want to sleep in the skycruiser?” 

 Relaxing, I closed my eyes again, shifting into a better position. 

 “I’m perfectly comfortable here. Why waste the energy of getting up, just for a bit of extra cushioning?” I said. “Besides, you like the open air, right? So do I. Let’s enjoy it while we can.” 

 Baely had nothing to say in response. After a moment, they fell to a seat beside me before resting their head on my shoulder. It was comforting, and that warm sense of contentment had almost ushered me into dreamland when my daughter decided to break the silence. 

 “You’re going to die someday, aren’t you?” they whispered. 

 And contentment was sapped from me. Peeling my sandpaper eyelids open, I craned my neck to look at Baely. She was fiddling with the hem of her sweater with her bitten lip barely visible from this angle, and I sighed. I’d been wondering when she’d bring this up. 

 “Yes, Baely, I’ll eventually join the Collective. It’s what happens to every human, even we seemingly all-powerful Lutovish,” I said. “What’s brought this up?” 

 But they hadn’t heard my question, slowly shaking their head. 

 “That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” they said. “If I’ve learned one thing over the last few months, it’s how fragile you are, per . Don’t get me wrong. You’re far stronger than most everyone else I’ve met, but that strength doesn’t count for much when faced with everything you handle on a daily basis. Far too often, you’ve survived a sticky situation in these last few weeks by pure, dumb luck. What happens when that luck runs out? How long will it be before mom and dad sit me down to tell me you’re not coming home?” 

 Damnit. Sometimes, it seemed like the only people who fully realized how human I was were the ones I’d never wanted to understand that fact. Why was that? 

 I’d opened my mouth, meaning to say something comforting, when a connection request flashed in my array. As when Calia had contacted me several weeks ago, I couldn’t easily identify who was on the other end of it, and unfortunately, that meant I should accept the request. If another fugitive from House Cerullis wanted to talk, I needed listen, especially right now. 

 Not far off of Lutov’s east coast, Korix, Calia, and her people had started the initial construction of a sanctuary for House Cerullis’ dissenters, and while it was in this first stage, additional outcasts could join the new community. Once its construction was completed, however, that window would close, and I’d like to get as many of Cerullis’ dissenters to safety as I could before that happened. 

 Still. This was poor timing. 

 Gently squeezing Baely’s hand, I slid out from under her before getting to my feet. Still on the ground, my daughter stared at me with her jaw set, which had me making a face. 

 “I’ll only be a moment,” I said. “We can continue this conversation when I come back.” 

 Crossing their arms, Baely slowly leaned against the tree with their eyes pinned on me, and with a headshake, I started off.

Chapter 78: It's Been a While
The person making the connection request must understand why my answer had been so delayed because I was able to put quite some distance between me and Baely before accepting it. 

 “Whoever you are, you have thirty seconds to explain why I should maintain this connection,” I snapped. 

 I really hadn’t wanted to leave Baely hanging after what she’d just said. 

 In answer, a soft laugh sounded over the connection. 

 “Goodness, Zaeden. I never thought you could be so frazzled. It hurts to hear.” 

 I stopped short with invisible lighting nailing me to the ground. Through a fog, I watched myself begin the process of tracing this connection, even knowing I’d never reach its source. Still, I had to try, and while I did that, I turned my attention to the woman on the other side of it. 

 “Sanya. What a surprise,” I said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

 Again, she laughed. 

 “Please. There’s no need for civility. You must hate me by now, much as the thought pains me.” 

 Did I, though? The last time I’d been involved in a disaster like this, the one who’d started it had quickly earned my enmity, but this time around, I had yet to decide whether Sanya was a villain or not, even after everything she’d done. She couldn’t know that, though. 

 “Fine. What do you want?” I snapped. 

 “Two things,” Sanya said. “First, I wanted to warn you. Sometime in the next week, Talira will probably order you to do something that will test you, and when she does, you’ll have a choice to make. Do as you’re told, or for the first time, you could stand for what’s right.” 

 This argument again? Hell, I couldn’t indulge in something so meaningless right now. 

 Because yes. Over the last few months, everything Sanya had said during our last confrontation had been echoing in my head, and much as I’d like to, I couldn’t deny that fact. Even with this echo plaguing me, though, I couldn’t give up my convictions. Changing Lutov at a slower and steadier pace would be better in the long run. At times, chaos might break a society, temporarily changing the status quo, but unless the upset was truly severe, society would eventually bounce back, discarding any changes that had occurred. If possible, it would be better to make changes that lasted, no matter how long doing that might take. 

 “Did you seriously request a connection just to deliver a vague threat?” I said. 

 Which was about the only thing I could say at the moment. 

 “No. Why do that when I know you won’t listen to me? Or you won’t do that yet, at least,” Sanya said. “I also wanted to warn you that I’m sending something to your array. Don’t worry. It’s just a message. Definitely safe, not that I expect my word to reassure you. You’ll be far too careful with it anyway.” 

 “Uh-huh,” I said, crossing my arms. “What exactly are you sending that’s so harmless?” 

 “Before all of this began, do you remember when I shared my reasoning for everything I’ve done?” Sanya asked. 

 How could I forget? The moment when one learned that aliens had destabilized their sun seemed fairly significant. 

 “What does that have to do with your message?” I asked. 

 “At the time, you asked me to give you all of Cerullis’ research into the issue, and I complied. Partially,” Sanya said. “I’m sending you everything I left out of that initial data dump.” 

 I’d known that first outpouring of information had looked light! Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten the chance to question Sanya about it before she’d pulled her stunt at that fateful assembly, but apparently, the question had never been needed. 

 Still, I had to know. 

 “Why would you share such helpful data with me?” I said. “You’re smart, Sanya. Given Lutov’s current state, you must know I’ll be coming after you soon. So, why help me?” 

 I probably shouldn’t have said that. Warning a target about an imminent pursuit wasn’t a good idea, but like I’d said, Sanya was smart. Even if I’d said nothing, she’d have known what was coming. 

 “That’s good. As it should be,” she said. “Don’t you remember? I told you that you had to stop me.” 

 And why was that? What on earth did she get out of me…? 

 Coughing, I said, “You didn’t answer the question.” 

 “True,” Sanya said with a chuckle. “I’m giving you everything I have on our sun because you’re the only person I trust with it. No matter what I’ve done, you’ll make sure that Cerullis’ research on it continues because you’re incapable of letting the world burn. Lutov’s current mode of politics certainly won’t stop you, not when your hatred of me couldn’t accomplish it.” 

 “I don’t-” 

 I barely stopped myself from finishing that thought, grinding my teeth on the remaining words. 

 “I suppose I can accept that answer,” I eventually said. “Did you have anything else to add? Maybe you could make my life easier and surrender now.” 

 Snorting, Sanya said, “Do you think that’s likely to happen?” 

 Throwing my hands to either side of me, I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. 

 “I had to try.” 

 But then, there was silence, and after a while, I almost cut the connection with nothing further spoken. Sanya stopped me from doing that. 

 “Zaeden, if I may,” she said in a rush. “How’s…?” 

 “Korix?” I finished for her. 

 Because who else could she have been talking about? Over the time I’d known Sanya, he’d been the only person she’d consistently asked after. 

 “Busy. Besides that, I’m not sure. We haven’t spoken since he started his new project,” I said. “Why do you want to know?” 

 For a long count of ten, Snaya said nothing, and when she did speak, her voice was dead. 

 “He hasn’t told you who I am to him.” 

 Shaking my head, I said, “I know you’re connected, but that’s it. Never looked into it because I keep waiting for one of you to tell me about it.” 

 “Huh. Maybe he did mean what he said the last time we spoke,” Sanya said, as if to herself. 

 I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I waited, glancing over the plains around me. If I tried, I could almost let the wind’s rustle through the grass distract me from the tension of my sudden anticipation. Would Sanya unveil the mystery that had always lain between her and my life partner? 

 “I’m sorry, Zaeden. I know you’d like me to explain,” Sayna said, “but trust me. It’ll be better for everyone if he does it instead.” 

 Well, fuck. That wasn’t ominous at all. 

 “All right,” I simply said. 

 What else was I supposed to say? And what other topic of polite conversation, besides what we’d already discussed, existed between me and my enemy-not-enemy? 

 After an interminable pause, Sanya softly said, “Again, I’m sorry. I’ll see you soon.” 

 And she cut the connection. And I wanted to scream and kick the earth. 

 As usual, though, I buried that impulse, calmly withdrawing from my attempt at tracing the now broken connection. I trudged back to Baely, plopping to the ground when I reached her. I had a conversation to continue with her. 

 Rubbing my face, I said, “Eventually, sweetie, we all die. When I do, it may be a sad day for you, but you’ll survive it, and I’ll live on as a memory, one that you may someday share with your children. That’s the beauty of humanity. We’ve found a way to live long after we leave this world behind. With our stories, we can persist for a time, and even when those tales are inevitably forgotten, that’s ok. It’s the natural order of things.” 

 Slapping my hands into my lap, I crookedly smiled at Baely. 

 “But it’s best not to think about depressing things like that, not for long anyway,” I said. “Stay here, in the present, with me. I’m with you now, so let’s enjoy that, yes?” 

 The sour look on Baely’s face softened as they rolled their eyes. 

 “How am I supposed to ‘enjoy your presence’ when you’ll probably be snoring up a storm soon?” she said. “You are going to sleep, right?” 

 Smirking, I said, “I don’t know… maybe I should push myself a little harder. Prove to my daughter that I’m not the weakling she thinks I-” 

 “Stoooop!” Baely said, interrupting me. “Go to sleep, per . If you don’t take care of yourself the bare minimum, I won’t save you the next time you get hurt. 

 Oo, I’d love to tease her more, but instead, I gently grabbed her head, pulling her to where I could kiss her forehead. 

 “I love you, Baely,” I said. “I will always love you.” 

 With a cough, Baely said, “Love you too, dad. Now, will you let me go?” 

 Softly laughing, I released them before sinking against the tree. 

 “Please, keep watch,” I said. 

 But then, I gave in and let sleep’s oblivion carry me away.

Chapter 79: Suspicions Validated
After three months of repeating it, I was getting sick of having this conversation. Over my palm, Leski’s image wavered the slightest bit as she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes, and internally sighing, I waited for her to make the next move in this bout of verbal sparring. 

 “You’re sure they’re safe with you?” she said. “I know I keep asking that, but the last time they were with you on a mission, it didn’t end well.” 

 That was about what I’d thought. 

 “Yes, they’re safe,” I said. “Every time I have to fight, I leave them in a random, remote location before going in. Leski, you know as well as I do what while our job as parents is to keep Baely safe, we should also let her make her own decisions. She’s been exceedingly insistent about helping me, no matter how often I’ve asked her if she wouldn’t rather go home. It’s gotten to the point that forcing her to leave me would probably be harmful.” 

 Which were all things I’d said before. 

 Grimacing, Leski said, “I know that. I’m just worried, Zae.” 

 Weren’t we all right now? 

 “That’s perfectly understandable, given recent events. I’m worried too,” I said before grinning, “but isn’t that what we signed up for when we applied to be parents?” 

 Giggling, Leski tucked a disobedient strand of hair behind her ear. 

 “That’s fair enough,” she said. “How are things besides that? Anything I can do to help?” 

 Since she’d retreated from the Lokke Vitras side of my life? Not functionally. Even still… 

 “Just tell me that you love me, you amazingly clever woman,” I said. “I’m… at times, I just need a reminder that you support me, in all things.” 

 Snorting, Leski said, “Of course I love and support you, silly. How could I not? You’re the kindest and most giving person I know, besides perhaps Baely and Ko. Who wouldn’t love that?” 

 “Plenty of people. Trust me,” I said. 

 Besides, she was being too generous. Kind and giving? No matter how much I strove to be better, I was only those things when it suited me. 

 Leski raised her eyebrows with concern starting its splash across her face. 

 “Wow, someone’s going maudlin,” she said. “Will you be ok, love?” 

 After a vigorous headshake, I slapped my cheeks and smiled. 

 “You know me. I have to feel sorry for myself every so often,” I said, “and I’m always ok.” 

 Frowning, Leski narrowed her eyes at me. 

 “Yeah, ok. I believe that,” she sarcastically said, “but whatever. Where are you headed now? Can I know?” 

 “Unfortunately, no,” I said. “All I can say is that it will be closer to Xygek but…” 

 Chewing on the inside of my lip, I glanced over my shoulder at the public shuttle I was on. On this trip, I’d opted for this mode of transportation over a skycruiser because at times, exposing the ‘great Lokke Vitras’ to the general public was important, otherwise I started fading from their minds, in one way or another. 

 I was clearly the focus of this vehicle’s passengers now, though. No matter how much they studiously avoided looking at me, their stiff postures betrayed where their attention lay. 

 On the other side of the shuttle, Baely was hunched over a table, playing phansha with another woman. Slowly, they reached out to move one of their pieces, which made their opponent groan, but I had no sympathy for the girl. Baely’s identity should have been obvious when she and I had boarded the shuttle together. Did this girl think her Lokke Vitras wouldn’t teach his daughter the basics of strategy? 

 Shaking my head, I turned back to my raised palm and the depiction of my wife hovering over it. 

 “We may be coming home soon,” I said. “I only have two more locations to check, and after that, I’ll drop Baely off. I’m not sure how long I can stay, but we can at least check in.” 

 With her face brightening, Leski said, “How exciting! I’m looking forward to it. It’s too bad that Ko won’t be here, though.” 

 Ah, yes. Him. Nearly two months he’d been at the whole ‘construction of a sanctuary’ thing, and I hadn’t heard from him the entire time. Not a single message. It was like he’d gone deep cover, which concerned me. Since I’d taken his place as the Lokke Vitras, he hadn’t done any serious work for House Kolb, so why had he treated a supposedly diplomatic mission like it was something more critical? 

 “Has he contacted you recently?” I asked. 

 Shaking her head, Leski couldn’t hide her troubled expression. 

 “And that worries me, Zae,” she said. “Fragile as he’s become over the years, he shouldn’t be doing any intense mission work, not alone at least.” 

 No. No, he shouldn’t. 

 Shoving a summoned image of Korix during his last fit out of my mind, I said, “I’ll check on him after leaving Baely with you. All right?” 

 “That might be for the best,” Leski said. 

 With a sharp nod, I said, “Anything else? I’d like to get back to our daughter.” 

 Cocking her head, Leski graced me with a fond half-smile. 

 “I’m all good,” she said. “Have fun with Baely while you can, and keep them safe. I’ll see you soon?” 

 “You will,” I said. “I love you.” 

 “Love you too.” 

 Grinning, I cut the connection before curling my fingers into my palm. As I strode across the shuttle, people shied away from me, and ignoring that, I plopped beside my daughter as her opponent leaned forward, about to make her next move. 

 “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I said. “It’ll open your shukusen up for attack in another two moves or so.” 

 Jumping, the other girl fixed her eyes on me for a moment before leaping to her feet. 

 “I’m… going to get a drink,” she said. 

 Shaking my head, I watched her go. Had she thought I’d bite her or something? 

 “Sorry to interrupt your game, sweetie,” I said. 

 “It’s ok. I already had it in the bag,” Baely said. “I was only stringing it along because I liked looking at her.” 

 While I stared, they yawned, stretching their arms overhead, before leaning against me. Were we about to enter the time of their romantic and sexual awakening? 

 I mean… it would make sense. Baely was twenty-five. That might be a little late to start the dating process, but stranger things had happened. Considering how indifferent they’d always seemed about that part of life, I’d never really thought about what that would look like for them. 

 Not that I needed to worry about my daughter. Korix, Leski, and I had taught her how to have a safe sex life years ago while also explaining what she should look for in a potential dating partner. When she eventually decided to venture into that side of her life, she’d be fine. 

 Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I squeezed her while she yawned again. 

 “How’s mom?” she asked on the tail end of it. 

 “Fine. Worried.” 

 Snorting, Baely laughed under their breath. 

 “Of course she is,” they said before looking up at me. “How long before we get there?” 

 “Unless something horrible happens, about an hour,” I said. 

 Nodding, Baely nestled deeper into my side. 

 “Then, I’m taking a nap,” they said. 

 And their body near immediately loosened into sleep. They must have started a dream sequence. 

 Hugging them to me, I settled into my own seat, watching our surroundings flash by through the window opposite me. The longer I continued to stare at it, the more the people below it shifted in place, but for once, I didn’t care about whether I was disturbing them. In this moment, I’d found a rare spot of peace. I had my daughter safe and with me. I was whole in body and mind and only slightly fatigued to boot. Soon, I’d be done with an unpleasant task, one I’d started months ago, and while I might need a significant amount of time for recovery once I was done, I’d be able to relax, at least partially. 

 I was fully aware of the myriad and varied problems that I was ignoring at the moment, but to life, the Collective, or whatever else might be controlling my fate, please. Let me have this peace, just for a short while. 

 A good half hour passed like this, and I was beginning to drop off myself when a connection established in my array. It was Talira, had to be. She was the only one who could do this without my permission. 

 “Hello, my Lokke Vitras,” she said. “I see you’ve almost finished with the task that I’ve assigned to you.” 

 Stiffening, I gently shook Baely off of me before hurrying to the semi-privacy found at the other end of the shuttle. I knew that tone of voice. I hated it because it usually preceded her giving me an order that I’d struggle to carry out. 

 Like what Sanya had warned me might happen, weeks ago. Shit. 

 “My pleasure to have served, my shukusen,” I said. “How may I do so again?” 

 With a soft sigh, Talira swallowed loud enough for me to hear it. 

 “I’m so sorry, Zae-zae,” she whispered with tears in her voice. 

 Oh… fuck. Squeezing my eyes closed, I braced for what was coming, and after a long moment, Talira filled the silence. 

 “My Lokke Vitras. I have a new mission for you…”

Chapter 80: The Worst Thing I've Ever Done
When Baely and I arrived at the dissenter’s island, Korix was waiting for us with his hands folded in front of his waist and an easy smile in place. This stance wavered when our daughter emerged from the skycruiser, running so that they could engulf him in a hug. 

 “Hi, dad!” they chirped into his chest. 

 If Korix was stiff while patting Baely’s head or if his smile seemed strained, only I should be able to notice it. 

 “Hi, sweetie,” he said. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today.” 

 And he just looked at me. 

 Grinning up at him, Baely said, “I wanted it to be a surprise.” 

 But then, the people who’d been waiting behind Korix started moving forward, and breaking his gaze, I hurried to greet them. 

 “Calia! Mother Time, you’ve done wonders with this place in such a short time!” I exclaimed. 

 As I embraced her, she laughed before gently pushing on me. 

 When I released her, she said, “Thank you, Lokke Vitras, but if it weren’t for your life partner here, we wouldn’t have gotten to this point so quickly.” 

 Smirking, I glanced over my shoulder at Korix. 

 “Yes, he’s always been handy like that,” I said. “There’s a reason I keep him around.” 

 Coming to a stop at my side, Korix pulled me against him. 

 “If I recall correctly, you were the one who was ‘being handy’ for the first three decades after we met,” he said. 

 But when he pressed his lips to mine, the kiss was cold and passionless. When he backed off, I play-swatted him. 

 “That was over a century ago!” I said before turning to Calia. “Now, would you mind showing me your lovely village? The shukusenth would like an update on the supplies you’ll need to reach self-sufficiency.” 

 With a bright smile, Calia said, “Of course. If you’ll come with me.” 

 We followed her into the midst of the buildings at her back. They truly had made good progress in the weeks since this project had begun. Around us, several shops and homes had already sprung off of the ground, and not far from here, I spotted the outline of a production facility on the horizon. I could see the potential here… 

 But I wasn’t thinking about this sanctuary’s future right now. 

 As if to frustrate me, my hallucination popped into being for the first time in several days. 

 “You should, though,” they said. “Not thinking about bad things is what got you here in the-” 

 Fuck the ‘I was not thinking’ phrasing. How about I would not think about this sanctuary’s future right now? 

 Slowly blinking, my hallucination shook their head and vanished, as had been the pattern over the last few weeks. Always, they prodded me about something I’d ‘forgotten’, complaining about my life-saving ability to just not think at times, before getting frustrated and leaving. It was… I didn’t know what it was, but in recent days, their appearances had been prompting an unnamable emotion in me, and my inability to identify it was annoying. But they weren’t important right now. 

 As Calia detailed her people’s construction plans for the next few weeks, I kept getting distracted by Baely and Korix. To anyone else, my life partner would appear attentive, fully invested in the conversation, but I could tell he was distracted. I was pretty sure I knew what was drawing his attention elsewhere, but again, that wasn’t something I could think about right now. 

 Meanwhile, Baely seemed fascinated by the village around her and its ‘renegade’ inhabitants. While on the way here, she’d chattered my ear off about this place, preoccupied with the idea that a group of people could become independent of Lutov and its Houses. I’d failed to interrupt her gushing, never pointing out how the exiled already held such a status. Not only had I enjoyed listening to her enthusiasm, but I hadn’t wanted to examine the feelings that it had been invoking in me. 

 In this moment, though, it was good to see her so happy, occasionally breaking into Calia’s explanation to ask a question. Once I was sure that those two could distract one another, I cleared my throat. 

 “Forgive me, but my shukusen is requesting a connection,” I said. ‘There’s no need to stop the tour, though! I’ll step aside, just for a moment, and catch up once I’m finished.” 

 Calia eyed me with suspicion, and after a moment, I grinned at her. 

 “I promise I’ll be on my best behavior,” I said. “You know me. You know I won’t mess up this deal when it’s at its most critical phase. Send one of your people with me if you’re worried. I won’t mind.” 

 Deflating, Calia said, “You’re right! I know. We’ll keep going. Don’t make me regret this, Zaeden.” 

 “I’d never,” I said, smirking. 

 With a huff, Calia turned on her heel to lead her group of dissenters and my daughter along, and I ambled between buildings until I found a secluded spot. Then, I leaned on a wall, banging my head on it, before closing my eyes. Korix wouldn’t be long. Extracting from that group without raising suspicion would be like child’s play for him, and I knew he had things to say to me. 

 Sure enough, a hand soon slammed into the wall beside my head, but I didn’t open my eyes. I knew he’d be towering over me, just as I knew the exact look of fury he’d be showing. It didn’t scare me. It didn’t even hurt to know I’d caused it. 

 Mission mode. The thief of normal, human emotion. 

 “What is Baely doing here?” he hissed. “It’s not safe, and- and this will destroy them!” 

 Did he think I didn’t know that? 

 With my eyes still closed, I calmly said, “I needed to sell the story, and all of Lutov knows how protective I am of our daughter. By bringing them with me, I’ve ensured that no one will question my involvement in what’s about to happen here, and you know, Ko, that we cannot be involved with this.” 

 With a sharp gasp, Korix pulled his hand off of the wall. 

 “Sell… the story? That’s why you…?” he said before clicking his tongue. “I’d forgotten what a monster the role of the Lokke Vitras can make of someone.” 

 Ouch. That had actually stung. 

 Opening my eyes, I ran them over Korix. With his fists trembling at his sides, he was red-faced, and there was such fire in his eyes. In typically emotionless him, this look was beautiful. And about what I’d expected. 

 “Sacrifice self. House before family. Lutov over all,” I said, slowly reciting the Lokke Vitras mantra before softening. “If you have a better way to handle this, I’m all ears. Trust me. I want Baely involved in this as little as you do.” 

 On those last words, the barest sliver of what I was feeling shoved its way through mission mode, and I quickly looked away. I couldn’t think about it, couldn’t acknowledge… 

 I had to stay calm. 

 After a moment, Korix sighed, and I glanced his way in time to see him rubbing his face. 

 “I don’t have an alternative for you,” he said into his hands. “Mother Time damnit all.” 

 I waited a good five seconds before lightly touching his arm. 

 “I’m sorry,” I softly said. 

 Chuckling, Korix shook his head before letting his hands fall to his sides. 

 “Why are you apologizing? No matter how much you might protest it, you didn’t choose this life, not really. I forced it on you, just like Talira did with me,” he said. “It’s one, messed up string of nasty cause and effect, and you’ve had very little control over it. You know it. I know it, and hopefully, Baely will too, someday.” 

 Suddenly, my shoes had become the most fascinating things in my surroundings. 

 “Yeah,” I breathed. “Hopefully.” 

 Korix nudged my head up with a crooked finger, examining me for a moment before clasping the back of my neck. He kissed me, all comfort and no passion in it, even if his grip on me became painfully tight during this. Pulling away, he rested his forehead on mine. 

 “I know you’ve had a rough time lately,” he said. “I’m… sorry for getting so angry.” 

 He still had a hard time with apologies, even after this long spent free of my role. 

 “It’s no excuse, but I’ve been struggling with a few of my own issues,” he continued. “I hope you can forgive me for my outburst.” 

 Chuckling, I circled my arms around his waist. 

 “There’s nothing to forgive. You were right to get angry, and I’d have been surprised if you weren’t,” I said, “but I do think that we should have a check-in chat once we’re done here. Not now, though. Kind of on a schedule, remember?” 

 Sighing, Korix nodded, bobbing my head with his, and stepped out of my embrace. 

 “Let’s go.” 

 I ignored how despairing those two words had sounded. 

 When we rejoined the group, Calia gave us an odd look, but Baely bounced up to us, all bright cheer and curiosity. I muttered a throwaway line, something reassuring I was sure, and gestured for the tour to continue. 

 And it did. I smiled and nodded and looked thoroughly intrigued by every improvement that these people had made to their home. Hell, this would hurt if I was letting myself feel it. 

 When a shadow fell over us, it came as a relief. Finally, this torture was almost over. I watched Calia and her comrades crane their necks to see what had caused this spot of shade, and when she saw the satellite hovering overhead, she snapped her head down, meeting my gaze. 

 “I’m so sorry,” I said. 

 But I didn’t have time for anything else. Grabbing Baely, I hauled them up and over my shoulders, and together, Korix and I took off for my skycruiser. He got there the instant before me, opening the door, and well-practiced in this routine as I was, I was offloading Baely from my shoulders a mere second after that opening had been made. I dove in after them with Korix right behind me, already reaching for the terminal. Reading my designator, it set off for the coordinates that I’d fed it as we’d landed earlier, taking off so quickly that the frame of my seat dug into my body. 

 Behind me, Baely starts babbling— 

 “Dad? Per? What…?” 

 —but I couldn’t reassure her yet. Accessing the feed of a recorder on the satellite, I waited, watching, until a line of plasma fell out of the mass of metal and onto the picturesque village below. We were still close enough that for a moment, the world around us flashed blue while wind batted the skycruiser around like a cat would with a yarn ball, and when silence eventually fell, I heard Baely’s teeth click together. 

 After ensuring that the satellite had done its job, I withdrew from the recorder’s feed, twisting to where I could see Baely. They were drained of color with their eyes peeled wide open, and seeing this, a dull ache throbbed through my heart. 

 Swallowing hard, they said, “What… just happened?” 

 Korix and I exchanged a glance, unsure how to reply, because Baely already knew the answer to her own question. We’d told her about my disastrous party, held decades ago, so many times that she had to know, but shock was a bitch. It could make even the brightest of people stupid. 

 Raising his eyebrows, Korix inclined his head to me, and I suppressed a huff. I knew this was my mess to handle. 

 “I’m not sure, sweetie,” I said. “When we saw the satellite, your dad and I just… reacted. There wasn’t a lot of time to think, but based off of what I saw, I’d say-” 

 “Cerullis glassed that village,” Baely whispered. “Because they… were traitors?” 

 Consumed by the idea, they were staring off into nothing, which was good. It meant they didn’t see me wince. 

 “That’s what I’d guess, yes,” I said. 

 Leaning over the divider, Korix laid a hand on Baely’s knee. 

 “Don’t worry, sweetie. Your father and I will figure this out,” he said, “and once we know who did this, we’ll bring them to justice.” 

 Stiffening, Baely fixed both of us with a glare and a snarl. 

 “You do that, dad. Make them pay.” 

 Patting her knee, Korix said, “We will. Now, get some rest. We’ll be home soon.” 

 Then, he fell into his seat, collapsing against the nearby door. I badly wanted to lean against him, enjoying the comfort of his warmth, but instead, I ensured that Baely had gotten preoccupied with something in their array—no matter how long that might have taken—before facing forward once more. There, I remained, frozen in place. 

 Make them pay, huh? I could start fulfilling that wish now.

Addendum
So, now you know, or at least, you should. I suppose I was vague enough that you might not understand everything I did yet. Or perhaps you skipped through that last section, like I hoped. One can always dream, right? 

 Right now, you must be wondering why I consider this the worst evil I’ve ever committed. I’ve murdered plenty of people in my time, and some of my missions kept the atrocities in Ibis going for centuries. So, why such shame and self-loathing for this? 

 The answer for that is… complicated. The first reason for it is that I made those people feel safe. I used my past relationship with Calia to make her trust me. I even used my own daughter to tell the right tale, for Mother Time’s sake! And then, I betrayed every single one of the people who were under my protection. 

 Also, what I’d done had reinforced something I’d already known: that Lutov and its many people would never tolerate someone from their society breaking away from it. Not only did I learn that the only way I could achieve my goal—freedom—would be through a pointless struggle, but I’d shown this fact to myself. 

 And lastly, unlike with every other awful thing I did with my life, I received no support afterward. Yes, Korix was there for me—he almost had to be, considering his own involvement in what had happened—but by that point, I’d almost taken his support for granted, something I’ve learned to greatly regret in the time since. 

 But the point is that everyone else in my life, even those closest to me, reacted with absolute disgust if they ever found out about this misdeed, out of all the other evils I’d committed. As much as that has affected me, it’s also been the most blatant example I’ve found to show how the Lutovish care more about themselves than the children of Ibis or any other living being on the planet. 

 I don’t know, Elliot. We humans are marvelous creatures, but we’re also supremely strange. Objectively, this might not have been the worst thing I ever did, but it’s definitely my most shameful secret, one that I still feel guilty about. 

 Because I got away with it. You’ll read about that next. That and a long, sad story involving someone I loved very much. 

 But we’re through the worst part, love. Many painful things are still to come, but the worst is over.  

 Before we can continue, though, we must finish this part of the story.

Chapter 81: The Fallout with Her
Leski was waiting in the hangar for us when we got home. If the outline of a familiar hallucination was standing beside her as well, I didn’t pay it much mind. 

 As soon as we set down, Baely scrambled out of the skycruiser, sprinting to their mother, and at their impact with her, Leski rocked in place. Korix and I stepped into the hangar much more slowly, all while Leski watched us with a question and an accusation in her eyes, and the hallucination at her back refused to look at me. 

 Meanwhile, Baely couldn’t stop babbling. 

 “-was awful, mom! So many people dead. How can that be real? I don’t understand. I thought… I thought death was a choice but-” 

 “Shh, sweetie. It’s ok,” Leski said. “I know it’s a lot right now, but it will be ok soon, all right?” 

 As Korix and I came to a stop, she never stopped staring at us, although she did briefly rub Baely’s back. 

 “You know how you wanted to spend some time with your friends a few weeks ago?” she continued. “You may not want to see specifically them right now, but how would you like to visit your grandparents? Getting away for a while would be good, and I think they’d like to see you.” 

 Sniffing, Baely lifted her face from where it had been buried in Leski’s chest, and seeing the tears dribbling over her cheeks, my hallucination flinched, clicking their tongue. 

 “You think so?” Baely said. 

 Nodding, Leski said, “I do. Why don’t you go pack a bag? I need to speak with your fathers, and then, we can head over there. Sound good?” 

 With another sniff, Baely hesitantly smiled. 

 “Yeah. I’d like that,” they said. 

 Wiping their eyes, they skirted around Leski to enter the house, and after hesitating for the briefest of moments, my hallucination followed them. Between those of us who remained, another tense moment of staring followed, but soon enough, my wife followed our daughter’s example, obviously expecting us to come with her. 

 Stuck in place, I said, “This is going to be a shitshow, isn’t it?” 

 “What do you think?” Korix said. 

 We headed inside. 

 Leski led us to the sitting room where years ago, we’d announced Baely’s imminent arrival, and after arranging ourselves, we sat in awkward silence for who knew how long before Leski leaned on her knees, rubbing her face. 

 “Please, tell me I’m wrong,” she said. “I got the emergency bulletin a few hours ago, and… please. Tell me I’m wrong.” 

 When I exchanged a glance with Korix, he lifted one shoulder the slightest amount, deferring the floor to me. Just fantastic. 

 Hesitantly, I asked, “Wrong about what?” 

 That was a good place to start, yes? 

 Peering above her fingers, Leski gave me an incredulous glance, and I deflated. She was right. Good place to start or not, that had been a dumb question. 

 Right now, I couldn’t say anything else, though, because my hallucination had wandered into the room, coming to a stop behind Leski. Obviously finished with Baely, they crossed their arms, scowling at me, and I couldn’t summon the words to dispel their displeasure. Why? 

 Shifting in place, Korix said, “What exactly do you want to know, love? You can’t expect us to read your mind, much as we can usually do that…” 

 With my hallucination’s eyes still fixed on me, Korix’s voice quickly faded to fuzz. Deep inside, a flare had risen, whipping through me, and dragging my eyes to my wife, I watched her, staring at us in accusation, with my teeth clenched. Without thinking about it, I stepped into the flow of Korix’s words. 

 “A few weeks ago, you told me to keep you out of Lokke Vitras business,” I said with my voice clipped. “Has that desire changed? If so, I’m more than happy to explain myself to you. If not, you’re asking about something you told me not to share with you. So, which is it? You can’t have it both ways, Leski.” 

 What had that been? Was I… angry for some reason? I’d certainly sounded that way while my hands, clenched in my lap, would indicate the same, but… why? And why would such anger pop up with her? 

 “You know exactly why, LV,” my hallucination softly said. 

 I ignored them. 

 Even surprised as I was by my outburst, I couldn’t relax, and Korix and Leski’s stares, one of them concerned and the other unreadable, weren’t helping with this. 

 “Just tell me if it was necessary,” Leski said. “Baely was right. So many people dead, Zae… tell me there was a reason for it. A good one.” 

 Ah… my hallucination had been right. I know what this was. I wasn’t angry with Leski, not really. Irritated that she’d wanted to have this conversation before I’d had a chance to gather myself? Sure. Angry? No. 

 This painful mix of fury and loathing, burning me up inside, was reserved solely for me. 

 Mother Time, I hated being so self-aware at times. 

 “Self-aware, my ass,” my hallucination huffed, turning aside. “It’s only ever about what you want to know.” 

 That was concerning. Not the time for it, though. 

 Unfortunately, when it came to Leski’s question, I didn’t know how to answer her. I supposed I could lie. 

 “Not a good idea, and you know it, LV.” 

 I could lie. Telling Leski what she wanted to hear would be so easy, but… my hallucination was right. That wasn’t our style. Besides, if I tried to do that, she’d probably see through it. 

 So. The truth. 

 “I don’t know how necessary it was,” I stiffly said. “In many ways, the reasoning behind my orders was sound, but I… didn’t agree with it. I went along with it anyway, though, because I trust Talira when it comes to these things and… I’m actually not sure why I did as I was told. Habit? Duty? I don’t know. I know that the dissenters posed a threat to Lutov, no matter how slight or vague. I know that it’s my job to deal with threats like that, but that’s all I’m certain of. I wish I could give you more.” 

 Snorting, my hallucination said, “Uh-huh. Sure.” 

 With that, they disappeared. Meanwhile, a host of expressions flew across Leski’s face while it drained of color, but in the end, she went exceptionally blank. 

 “I see,” she said. 

 And if any emotion clouded her voice or mind, I couldn’t detect it. 

 Standing, she said, “Baely and I will stay with your parents for a while. I’ll let you know when we’ll be home as soon as I’ve figured that out.” 

 Jerking each foot in front of the other, she moved toward an exit, and I watched her go with my heart in my throat. Was this it? I’d pushed my wife hard over the last year. Would this be the final shove needed to tear her away from me? 

 From us. Hell, Korix looked just as devastated as I felt right now. 

 When Leski stopped at the exit, glancing back at us, I almost burst into relieved tears at how much her face had softened. 

 “I do love you both,” she said, “even still.” 

 Then, she walked out of the room, leaving me and Korix in silence.

Chapter 82: We Had to Do It
I couldn’t move. If I did, I was afraid I might collapse into a puddle on the floor, and I didn’t want that. Better to stay numb until this horrid feeling, the one I was blatantly ignoring, faded. Right? 

 Beside me, Korix said, “Mission’s over, Zae. Shall we do dinner?” 

 He made no move to touch me, probably knowing that I’d lash out if he tried, while I considered what he’d proposed. A return to old traditions might be nice. Perhaps such a visit to the foundations of my training could stabilize me, so I nodded. 

 As we headed for the kitchen, Korix and I stayed out of Leski and Baely’s way. I didn’t know about him, but not only was I eager to avoid another confrontation with them but I had the distinct feeling that right now, my presence would only contaminate them in some way. 

 When we reached the kitchen, my hallucination was leaning against its door frame with their arms crossed. To avoid them, I awkwardly shuffled through the entrance, which earned me an odd glance from Korix, but other than that, I ignored the anomaly and their oddities. They sat at the kitchen table with their chin in their hands while Korix and I prepped dinner. 

 Even with them staring, however, cooking came as a relief, as it had always done. Something about working in tandem with someone I loved had been and would forevermore be the best balm for the spark of my soul, even if it could never heal everything. 

 Once we were done, Korix and I slid into our seats, and as they made room for us, my hallucination groused under their breath. With that, though, it was time for the next step in this protocol. As I stared at my food, I didn’t know if I could complete it. 

 “We did everything right, but it was also all wrong,” I eventually said. “How can I find praise for us in the act of something so horrible?” 

 Korix said nothing in response. He just laid his hand, palm up, on the table, and hiccupping on a barely restrained sob, I curled my fingers through his. Fuck, why was I being so emotional? 

 Squeezing my hand, Korix drew my attention to him, making sure I was holding his gaze before he spoke. 

 “Talk to me, Zae. Tell me everything.” 

 With a bitter laugh, I shook my head. 

 “What can I say that you don’t already know?” I said. “You have to be dealing with something similar.” 

 Again squeezing me, Korix said, “Yes, I’m sure you’re right. Even still. Please, tell me?” 

 With a sigh, I slumped in my seat, trying to decide where to start, and jabbing me in the side, my hallucination nearly made me jump. I didn’t feel their finger, of course, but the sudden motion startled me nonetheless. 

 “Talk, LV,” they said. “You know it always helps you.” 

 Pursing my lips, I narrowed my eyes at them. Hadn’t they just been upset with me? Why were they giving me advice now? 

 “Zae?” Korix said. 

 Shaking myself, I said, “It’s all what you’d expect after a mission like that. Guilt. Shame. Hating myself, although the intensity of these things is much worse than usual. That’s why I’ve detached so much, which you’ve probably already noticed. Also…” 

 Unsure about sharing this, I eyed my hallucination, but rather than giving me an answer to my uncertainty, they only grinned and wiggled in place, and I sighed again. 

 “I’m seeing Damari’s ghost,” I finished. 

 Korix briefly increased the pressure on my hand before letting out a breath. 

 “How long?” he asked. 

 “Since shortly after they died.” 

 I refused to look at him, keeping my eyes fixed on my dead friend, and they stuck their tongue out at me. 

 “That took longer than I expected,” Korix said under his breath. 

 When I jerked toward him, he waved away my incredulity. 

 “I didn’t mean anything by that. Just noting my surprise is all,” he said. “I started seeing my host of the dead within a couple of decades as the Lokke Vitras, although it has always been more literal for me. What about you? Is it like Damari’s actually here?” 

 “Sometimes, it is,” I said before shaking my head, “but most of the time when I see them, it’s like I’m imagining what they’d be doing in that moment, even if that act also feels completely out of my control. They certainly seem to behave in concordance with how I’m feeling about myself, which is strange, but that’s all I’ve noticed about them, even six months later. Silly as it is, I keep pushing addressing the issue of them to the side.” 

 “Hmm.” 

 Korix leaned back, although he kept ahold of my hand. 

 “Well, that’s good, isn’t it?” he said. “It means it’s probably under your control, at least in part.” 

 Much as I’d like to doubt that, I knew he was right. Every day, it might seem like my hallucination had taken on more self-autonomy, but even still, they didn’t seem as separate from me as, say, some of my personas. 

 Vigorously nodding, my hallucination said, “That’s true. I’m not like them. I’ll be gone as soon as you’re ready to let me go.” 

 Then, why weren’t they gone already? Damari was no longer here. I knew that. Mother Time, I’d accepted it. I had! 

 No. I couldn’t engage with my hallucination again, not even tangentially like this. Turning my back on them, I covered a bundle of fingers with my free hand. 

 “I hope you’re right, but in the end, it doesn’t matter. I’ll handle it, as always,” I said. “Why don’t you talk to me? Surely, you have something to share too.” 

 Like… maybe his connection to Sanya, although I wasn’t holding out hope for that. If everything about our current scheme went as planned, that woman would become our last loose end, making it imperative for me to know how he’d react when I confronted her, but given how long he was taking to talk about her, I was starting to think he’d never open up about it, burying it deep inside instead. That was his modus operandi, after all, one that I partially imitated. 

 “Yeah… it’s not ‘only partially',” my hallucination drawled. “I swear you two are-” 

 And yes, Korix was looking at me like he knew I was changing the subject, wanting to avoid our current conversation topic. Still, he answered. 

 “Same as you, like you guessed. Guilt. Wishing I’d found a better way to handle this mess. There’s not much we can do about it now, though.” 

 Shit. No matter how much he might have tried to hide it, I’d heard the pain in his voice. And I’d caused that pain. If I’d just handled my shit months ago, as the Lokke Vitras should, he wouldn’t be struggling with this right now. 

 With a crooked smile, Korix reached over to brush my jawline. 

 “It’ll get better,” he said. “You know that, right? Just give it time.” 

 Yes, I knew this pain would fade, just as it had with every other evil thing that I’d been called to do. Still… 

 Nuzzling his hand, I said, “Sometimes, I need the reminder, Ko, same as you.” 

 When I met his eyes, I held that gaze, even while wanting to look away. 

 “It will get better,” I continued. 

 It had to. 

 Korix’s grip on me tightened, and he pulled me to him, pressing his lips to mine. The kiss was gentle at first, probably meant as a simple comfort to me, but before I could process what had happened, that changed. I was on my back with him hovering over me, and hell, that ferocity! How well did I know it. 

 “Ok,” I softly said. 

 With that word, I wasn’t simply giving him permission to do as he liked with me, although it was largely that. I was also saying that he didn’t have to hold back this time. Not that he usually did, but right now, there was enough nasty emotion in us both that restraining ourselves might be wise. Even so, I told him not to do it, and after a pause, he echoed what I’d said. 

 So, when he dove down to kiss me, I wasn’t surprised at the sharp pain that bloomed in my nose or the ache that throbbed in my teeth, making my eyes water. I also had no problem with putting all of my strength into tossing him off of me, going after him with all speed. 

 It was almost a fight, this little rendezvous of ours: a physical altercation and not one of the pleasant kinds. At times, he held me down so firmly that I couldn’t breathe, and Mother Time knew how many scratch and bite marks I left on him. Hell, our arrays would be busy healing bruises for a good five minutes after we were done. 

 But that wouldn’t happen for a while. For a while, we were stuck in these primal urges, giving and receiving the only form of punishment that was appropriate or the least bit healthy right now. 

 Even with that, I didn’t feel much better once we reached a conclusion of sorts. Panting, Korix rolled off of me, and eventually, I propped myself up on the wall beside him, examining the room. 

 “What a mess,” I said. 

 Making a face, Korix half-heartedly chopped at the air. 

 “I’ll take care of it,” he said. “You need to check in with Talira, should have done it as soon as you dropped me and Baely off. I didn’t mean to distract you for this long, but… you seemed to need it.” 

 “I did, so don’t even think about taking the blame for the delay,” I said with a rueful grin. 

 But then, I had to consider what he’d said, and with my lips going thin, I banged my head on the wall. 

 “Damn,” I breathed. “Talira…” 

 I didn’t want to see her, not after what she’d ordered me to do. Not when I was afraid of how I might react to her presence. 

 “You’ll be fine,” Korix said. 

 Nudging me to face him, he kissed me, gentle and firm, and when he pulled away, he brushed a thumb under my eye, softly smiling. 

 “I can never love you, Zae,” he said. “Now, go.” 

 He jerked his head toward the kitchen’s exit, and with a sigh, I got to my feet and gathered my clothes. 

 The flight to Xygek was a special type of hell for me. Apparently, the pseudo self-harm that I’d participated in with Korix hadn’t been enough for me because I kept finding my hand drifting for a knife, hiding in its familiar place between the divider and my seat. Every time I caught myself doing this, I hauled my hand back into my lap, tightly holding it, but that didn’t stop me from trying again. 

 Faces kept flashing in my mind’s eye, especially Calia’s. Hell, I’d helped kill her. She’d been a wonderfully kind woman, someone I’d dated, for Mother Time’s sake, and I… 

 Needless to say, I was shaky when stepping onto the landing pad at the top of House Kolb’s headquarters. Thankfully, no one was there to see it. Night had fallen while I was on my way here. 

 I trudged through the dark toward a lift that would take me down one floor, unable to take my eyes off of the ground once I’d scanned the rooftop, and after I'd reached Talira’s office, I leaned against the wall behind her desk with my arms crossed, blankly staring out at the view beyond. Seeing and not seeing. 

 At some point, I must have sent a message to Talira, letting her know that I was here, because I eventually noted her reflection in the glass, even with the black of night and city lights as its only background. 

 “Zae-zae…” 

 She should know better than to use that nickname with me right now. I didn’t care to receive any comfort from her, whether in this moment or- or perhaps ever again. 

 “Did the other Houses believe our bullshit story?” I asked instead. 

 As Talira sighed, I watched her rest her hands on her hips and shake her head, probably frustrated with my behavior. 

 That was too bad. 

 “They did. After this last misstep of theirs, a majority of the shukusenth have called for a public hearing to discuss disbanding House Cerullis. That’ll be two days from now, and afterward, we’ll have another emergency assembly,” Talira said before wincing. “We do have one problem, though. Your brother suspects the truth, but convincing him to look the other way should be simple. I’ll promise Zan control over most of Cerullis’ satellites, and considering how easily those could keep Ostiu in line, the offer should satisfy him.” 

 And wasn’t that idea even more salt in already festering wounds? 

 Sliding my gaze back to the city, I said, “I’m glad everything’s concluding to your satisfaction, then, even if Phen’s being stubborn. Damn. This is the second time he’s caused trouble in a year. He’ll always be a problem for me, won’t he?” 

 The thought made me hug myself tighter, and joining me at the window, Talira hesitantly rested a hand on my shoulder. 

 “Siblings usually are,” she said. 

 Turning away, she examined the city that we both fought to protect, letting the silence speak for us. 

 After quite a while, she said, “You know what comes after the assembly, yes?’ 

 I nodded, even as I fought off considering what she was referring to. Biting her lip, Talira once more faced me, leaning a shoulder against the window. 

 “Has Korix shared Sanya’s relationship to him yet?” she asked. 

 Fuck . That wasn’t good. 

 Slowly, I shook my head, and hanging hers, Talira kicked the floor. 

 “Mother Time damnit all, I was hoping he’d get to it before now,” she said, as if to herself, before peering at me, “but I can’t delay any longer.” 

 After sucking on her lip for a moment, Talira gestured to her desk. 

 “Take a seat,” she said. “I have a story, and unfortunately, it won’t be one that you’ll enjoy.”

Chapter 83: A House Disbanded
Absolute chaos had been unleashed at this most momentous of gatherings, and it wasn’t helping me with maintaining my grip on my focus. As it often had over the last two days, my mind kept drifting, mostly to the glassing of an island or to a tale that Talira had told me in her dark office, and this was… unfortunate. I needed to stay in the here and now. 

 Even if the here and now was currently hectic, to put it lightly. 

 Today’s proceedings had started simply enough. The relevant parties had gathered, including the shukusenth and several high Strata from the remnants of House Cerullis. A neutral representative had presented the evidence of that House’s recent machinations, most of which their high Strata had tried, unsuccessfully, to refute or deny. 

 Of course, I’d expected they’d have no success with that. Kolb's best had been in charge of the various forms of operative work that had ended with a satellite positioned over the dissenters' island. 

 This had, however, led to our current site of chaos where the high Strata of House Cerullis and the people presiding over this legal case were leaning over their various tables with their fists ground into wooden surfaces. Red-faced, they were trying to shout over one another, all of which had been happening for a good five minutes. 

 Sitting beside one another, Talira and I had silently watched the debacle. We weren’t the only ones who were nonplussed by what was happening. Several others, members from all Houses, had joined us in our observation, but some of those people had started looking for us to provide a sense of direction. 

 Sighing through her nose, Talira turned to me. 

 “My Lokke Vitras, silence this rabble for me, if you please,” she said. 

 Which was the order I’d been waiting for. After getting to my feet, I bowed to Talira— 

 “Yes, my shukusen.” 

 —and then, I marched in between the squabbling parties, crossing my arms. Within a minute, the chamber had gone quiet as the grave. 

 Mother Time, much as it was useful, I hated the power I held over people. No one should be able to silence an argument with their presence alone. Shaking my head, I said not a word, merely returning to my seat, and while I took it, Talira stood. 

 “Fighting amongst ourselves is useless,” she said with her voice booming in the cavernous chamber. “If we fight, we stagnate, and Lutov suffers, as our predecessors once proved. Before the war with those from beyond the stars, this land was divided between four nations, nations that fought. Nations that stagnated . This stagnation almost saw humanity wiped out of existence. So, let’s not fight now. Let’s look at the evidence before us, rationally draw conclusions from it, and form a plan to move forward that will satisfy all partied involved. 

 “In this matter, however, I would remind you that as ever, House Kolb remains impartial, looking only to the safety and security of greater Lutov. If necessary, we will see that a resolution comes about this day, although I hope that everyone here can reach such a conclusion without our… persuasion. 

 “Now, if we could return to the presented evidence, reviewing it calmly, my First Stratus and I will continue with our watchful observation.” 

 Wow. Had she seriously just threatened the other Houses with retaliation if they didn’t start acting like rational grown-ups? I’d never have done that, too wary of disturbing Lutov’s fragile peace, but these were special circumstances. Everyone else seemed to recognize this as well, which again reminded me of how well Talira could read a room, and even with the Cerullis members occasionally acting as if they were barely keeping it together, today’s show got back on the road. 

 Talira’s threat hovered over us throughout the rest of the gathering, quickly getting us through a review of the evidence, and once that was finished and the Cerullis members had made their case, their judge and jury disappeared into another room to discuss everything. 

 Legal matters as significant as this were usually given into the hands of several randomly selected citizens, which had left a bunch of anxious, powerful people in the chamber with me and Talira. Not a pleasant place to be. Regardless, I tried to keep things light. 

 Glancing over the chamber, I said, “Never thought I’d set foot in this place.” 

 Although they usually had to go through lengthy discussions at an assembly first, proceedings like this, where we were considering disbanding a House, took place in a nondescript building sitting at one end of Xygek’s main park. The interior of this place consisted only of this plain chamber and a small, attached room where rulings on these matters were made. In the time I’d been alive, the building had only been used four times. 

 The first time had been to exile shukusen Alezand shortly after the Ancients Crisis. At the time, Korix had still technically been the Lokke Vitras, so he’d been the one who’d attended that trial. 

 The second had been similar: exiling shukusen Arion and appointing my brother as Zan’s new Head of House. By some miracle, Talira had kept me out of that one because I’d still been in the middle of my month of recuperation. 

 During the place’s third use, when Sanya had been removed from her position, I’d been too busy elsewhere to attend, but now, today’s most momentous of occasions had come, and here I was. 

 While watching the other shukusenth, Talira cocked her head, shifting in her seat. 

 “I’m shocked that you haven’t been here before now, honestly,” she said. “It’s been a rocky century.” 

 I snorted, which had her curiously eyeing me. Rocky. That was how she’d describe the last hundred years? 

 “What I wouldn’t give for another twenty-five years of peace and quiet,” I said. 

 Sighing, Talira patted my arm before returning to her examination of the chamber. 

 “You and me both.” 

 This trial’s judge and jury took much less time than one would think to decide Cerullis’ fate, but then, Kolb had heavily stacked the deck against that poor House. When the group stepped back into the chamber, a woman separated herself from them while the rest took their seats. After clearing her throat, she folded her hands in front of her. 

 “Quick as this decision may have been, it was not an easy one to make,” she said. “After all, disbanding a House would have been unthinkable to everyone before today, I’m sure.” 

 I wasn’t so certain about that, considering how badly I, in general, wanted the entire House system removed. Despite the seeming fanaticism about it that I’d found in everyone else I’d met, one or two of these people must have considered the eradication of a rival House at some point as well. 

 “These are, however, extraordinary circumstances,” the woman continued. “A little over one hundred years ago, House Cerullis first set foot on the path to today’s plight by scheming with the Ancients to destroy the rest of Lutov. Their plan was disrupted, in large part thanks to our Lokke Vitras—” 

 She nodded to me, and I inclined my head in acknowledgment, refusing to think about that awful period of my life. One that was nearly matched by my current circumstances, actually. 

 “—and the House was largely forgiven because those plans had been made and contained within their leadership and not among the lower Strata. We also must consider the creation of a wormhole between us and the sun, an experiment that Cerullis completed without the approval of the other Houses, and if that weren’t enough, something similar to the Ancients Crisis has happened again within the last twenty years. 

 “Frankly, the revelation of that disaster’s details shocked me and my fellow adjudicators. While we may trust those of you who lead us, learning how thoroughly you hid the development and distribution of Cerullis’ neurotoxin from the rest of Lutov disturbed us, to say the least.” 

 If only they knew. Maybe if the rest of the homeland understood how much they’d been kept in the dark about this, it could be the chink I needed to more rapidly change things, but I wasn’t sure how to release that information without causing undue chaos. 

 “That concealment of critical information isn’t why we’re here, however. The neurotoxin itself is,” the woman continued. “That and the final straw: the elimination of all those who saw fit to disagree with their House’s insidious strategy, a disagreement that’s proven to be a discussion point among all of Cerullis’ Strata, not solely those who dissented.” 

 I found her outrage at this ‘final straw’ a little funny, considering how many singular individuals I’d exiled, stripped of House, or occasionally killed over the years for having similar views. But I shouldn’t let that distract me right now. 

 “Given these crimes and how obsolete Cerullis’ function has become in recent years—so much so that the other Houses could easily assimilate its useful remnants—we didn’t have much choice with regards to these proceedings.” 

 Taking a deep breath, the woman squared her shoulders and held her head high. 

 “As of this moment, House Cerullis is disbanded,” she said. “We absolve its remaining members of their crimes. They will, however, be folded into Lutov’s five other Houses. This is our ruling.” 

 Once more, the chamber erupted into chaos while the woman who’d been speaking deflated and hid among her fellows. Detachedly, I watched House Kolb members hurry to restore order with every bit of me turned toward one idea. 

 Welp. I’d certainly helped to make history now. Mother Time damn it all. 

 Releasing a breath, Talira clapped my shoulder before climbing out of her chair. 

 “I need to get ready for the assembly,” she said. “You stay here until things have calmed down. Then, join me and the others.” 

 With my eyes pinned on a weeping, former member of House Cerullis, I faintly said, “Yes, my shukusen.” 

 Again patting my shoulder, Talira leaned down to my ear. 

 “You did good, Zae-zae,” she whispered. 

 Then, she left me. I didn’t know how long I watched angry, frightened people scream at one another, only stopped from violence by the silent sentinels standing ready to keep the peace. 

 I never moved to quell this storm. The coming assembly couldn’t start without me, and while I wasn’t typically someone who wasted another person’s time or annoyed the shukusenth, I didn’t care about that today. I needed a brief spell to just… sit. Watch. Do nothing. 

 If I was also doing everything in my power to delay an order that I knew I’d soon receive, I’d never admit it. 

 Eventually, people started trickling out of the chamber, slowly siphoning off the turbulent energy found there, and when the storm finally died, only a handful of people, seemingly lost or otherwise bewildered, were left, although one of them was a surprise to me. 

 Striding to me with purpose, Pheniks jerked his head toward an exit. 

 “Join me?” he said. “We’re headed to the same place, after all.” 

 Those words broke me free of the spell that was keeping me pinned in place, and after shaking myself, I hesitantly grinned at my brother. 

 “After you,” I said. 

 The park outside looked exactly the same as it had before I’d entered the building at my back. People were wandering through it, oblivious to the significance of recently concluded events. In a way, it made Cerullis’ disbanding insignificant. I badly wished that it actually was. 

 As we ambled along the park’s outskirts toward House Vaessa’s headquarters, Pheniks kept his eyes fixed on his feet, hanging his head. I wasn’t sure what had him so contemplative, but he’d tell me soon enough. My brother had never been able to keep his thoughts to himself for long. 

 While I waited for him to speak, I scanned our surroundings with my gaze catching on a tower toward the far end of the park: House Cerullis’ headquarters. What would we do with that building, now that it no longer had a purpose? Would it be demolished as easily as the institution it had once housed, or would we find another use for it? 

 Perhaps because of a chance encounter I’d once had with him at the foot of that building, the sight of it brought Fyester, one of my long-dead partners, to mind. What would he think of what had happened today, given that he’d belonged to House Cerullis when he’d been alive? If he were still with us, would his living, breathing state have given me the strength I’d needed to refuse Talira’s order? And what would he think of me now? Would this have been the last evil required for me to earn his enmity? 

 Probably not. When he’d been alive, that man couldn’t bring himself to hate me, even after I’d chosen to let him die. 

 Taking a deep breath, Pheniks drew me out of my thoughts—thank Mother Time—and I eyed him while he bit his lips. 

 With an explosive sigh, he said, “I’m concerned by recent events, Zae. A lot of what’s happened in the last few years has been frightening, certainly, but right now, I’m most… worried… about how the balance of power has shifted between the Houses.” 

 Mother Time, he was being so careful with his word! I silently acknowledged this rarity, even as I turned a rueful grin on him. 

 “Care to elaborate?” I drawled. 

 Pheniks stopped short, balling his hands into fists, before pinning me in place with his fiery eyes. 

 “Don’t play stupid,” he hissed. “Kolb’s become too powerful, and you know it.” 

 There, my brother was, saying what he was thinking without any padding to soften his words’ blow. Still, I considered what he’d said with my head cocked. Until now, I had not, in fact, recognized the reality of what my brother had proposed, too busy with fixing my fuck up, but… he was right. 

 Hell. 

 Frowning, I said, “That may be true for now, but we are in the middle of a crisis, and handling crises is Kolb’s purpose. Once things have stabilized, Talira will have her House step back into the shadows.” 

 Or I certainly hoped that she did. If she refused to do so, it would be concerning, as Pheniks had put it. What would I do then? 

 My brother’s demeanor echoed my doubt back to me. 

 “Maybe,” he said. 

 Shaking his head, he started off again, and until we'd reached House Vaessa’s headquarters, nothing else was spoken between us. Once we were in the place’s lobby, however, Pheniks paused once more. 

 “Zae…. you know I love you, right?” he said. 

 Rapidly blinking, I froze, wondering where that had come from. Pheniks was usually horrible at expressing how he felt. 

 “Yes…?” I said, lifting an eyebrow. 

 Nodding, Pheniks found something else to occupy his gaze. 

 “I just…” he said. “I don’t know what I’ll do if Kolb decides to hold onto their new power. I know you don’t think they will, but what if they do and you- you side with them?” 

 He peered at me from the corner of his eye. 

 “What happens then?” 

 That was a good question. After considering it for a moment, I shrugged. 

 “I sincerely hope it doesn’t come to that, Phen,” I said, “because if it did, I, like you, am not sure what I’d do.” 

 I’d meant that exactly as I’d said it. In the proposed scenario, I had no clue how I’d react. A lot of it would depend on details I didn’t have now, but wide-eyed, Pheniks recoiled from me as if I’d threatened to hit him. 

 “I see,” he said. 

 His throat worked for a moment, but before I could explain what I’d meant, my brother shook himself. 

 “Let’s go. The others are probably waiting for us.” 

 He made a beeline for a lift, and biting my lip, I watched him go. Had I just unintentionally alienated my little brother again? 

 Goodie. Add it to my ever-growing pile of recent mistakes.

Chapter 84: Politics Again
Unlike in the chamber I’d just left, a deadly quiet infected this assembly. Each of the shukusenth was perched on their seat, refusing to look at the empty chair in their midst. They’d done this for the last few months, but their avoidance of it was rigid now, a blatant denial of the reminder that their power could be taken away. 

 When we entered the room, Pheniks and I quickly took our place. Considering we’d been the only ones still missing, the assembly should have started then, but it took several minutes before anyone could find their voice. 

 “I can’t believe that just happened,” Marza eventually said. 

 I wasn’t sure if her comment had been made for anyone’s benefit but her own, but it at least got the ball rolling. 

 “Well, it did,” Raelle snapped while crossing her arms, “and now, we have to deal with the consequences. How are we supposed to deal with such a large influx of new members into our Houses? To this point, those additions have been small, enough that it hasn’t stressed our resources, but with this…” 

 Huffing, Pheniks leaned back in his chair. 

 “I’d assume that we’ll split the remnants of Cerullis’ resources, the same as its members, to cover them,” he said. “Or am I wrong?” 

 At the mention of an unexpected gain in their Houses’ apparent wealth, Raelle brightened while Marza licked her lips with her eyes shining. 

 “Then, the question is how we move forward with this split,” she said. 

 With no question in her voice, Talira said, “That task should go to House Kirst. As well as being the most trustworthy among us, they’re best suited for the job.” 

 At that, every eye turned to shukusen Orin, at which he sheepishly smiled. Even weeks after his near-death experience, he looked worn and haggard, but that made sense. Apart from Talira, he was the oldest person here, and from what I understood, he’d been due for a standard telomere readjustment, which would have reset his body’s age, before this latest run-in with death. Stasis and rapid regeneration drugs could only do so much to heal a body that was on the verge of expiring. 

 Even so, Orin did a decent job of projecting ease and capability to the rest of us, and hell, if I wasn’t glad for it. Maybe the two of us would have a chance at a friendly working relationship in the future. 

 “It’s true that Kirst still has the House rotation records of Cerullis’ members, and we can easily obtain the results of their placement exams within said House. Both sets of information will be essential when it comes to getting those displaced people into a new home,” he said. “The task would, however, be a stress on my House. We’re not equipped for much more than educating the young. Even with that, though, we’ll happily take on the task, but only if everyone agrees that it’s for the best.” 

 Snorting, Raelle said, “Please. I doubt anyone else wants to handle the problem.” 

 With my lips thinning, I glared at her—that had been rude—even while Orin deflated. 

 “As I said, we’ll accept the task if no one objects, which no one seems to,” he said. 

 He glanced around as if hoping someone would contradict him before shaking his head. 

 “With that decided, I was hoping we could shift our focus to an issue that I believe to be of greater concern,” he said, turning to my grandmother. “Talira, I don’t mean any disrespect with this. I’m sure we’re all aware that your actions during this crisis have been within your purview, but several of us here were wondering when Kolb intends to take a step back.” 

 So, Pheniks wasn’t the only one who’d noticed that. Based on the uncomfortable shifting of everyone around me, I seemed to have been the last to realize it, which damn. No matter how busy I’d been, that was still sad. 

 As if totally at ease, Talira leaned forward to rest her folded hands on the table. 

 “Kolb will return to normal operations as soon as this crisis is over, which it currently is not,” she said. “We still need to plug one, final breach in Lutov’s security: Sanya. Once she’s out of the picture, we’ll ‘take a step back’, as you put it.” 

 At those words, I stiffened, but fortunately, I wasn’t the only one to do so. My reason for it might have been different from the others, but their reactions hid the vibrant emotion that had spurred mine. 

 With her face turning nasty, Marza slapped her palms on the table. 

 “And when are these supposed threats going to end, Talira?” she growled. “So far as we can tell, you mean to hold us in perpetual terror of them, all so you can hold onto the power you’ve gained.” 

 Orin shot a hand out to rest over hers. 

 “What she means is how do we know that you’ll do as you’ve claimed?” he asked, keeping his voice carefully controlled. “It would reassure the rest of us if you showed some proof of these intentions.” 

 So, he saw it too. Before now, only Cerullis, with their satellites, had served as a counter to Kolb’s power, and now, that House was gone. Not only that but control of their satellites was still in flux. 

 The other Houses had minor ways to check Kolb’s power too, of course. For instance, if Drav ever refused to do their job, Lutov’s rate of population growth would grind to a halt, which could be disastrous in the long term, and Zan had technology like clockwork fiends that would be annoying to eliminate. In both cases, however, Talira could send in operatives and other Kolb members to force the Houses into line. It might be bloody, but they could do it. 

 In essence, Talira held near absolute power in this moment. With it, she could use this opportunity to change Lutov in whatever way she saw fit. 

 Given this and that she seemed to agree with many of my societal views, why was I hoping that she didn’t use her power? Changing Lutov in this way seemed… wrong. Why? 

 Softly chuckling, Talira relaxed into her seat, folding her hands on her belly. 

 “I hear and acknowledge your concerns,” she said. “In answer, I promise that in the coming days, I will provide each of you with a short list of some of the operative working in your Houses, to do with as you will, and this will only be my first step in returning things to normal. Once Sanya has been handled, Kolb will once more return to the shadows. It’s where we work best.” 

 As the other shukusenth and First Strata considered this, a message flashed into my array. 

 Remember, Zae-zae. The goal is to change their hearts and minds, it read. If a new way of life is forced on Lutov, it’ll never stick, falling apart too quickly instead. Real change requires patience, resolve, and the ability to see a true opening when it presents itself, which this isn’t. 

 Ah. That explained my previous hesitation. Despite my resolve that Lutov’s House system was wrong, the idea of forcing my worldview onto someone else made me feel dirty, almost as much as I did after a particularly brutal mission. 

 “Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but that’s enough to satisfy me for now, and I’m not just saying that because Talira and I are family,” Pheniks said. “Which brings us to the question of what to do with Sanya.” 

 As he’d finished speaking, my brother’s eyes, along with many others in the room, had drifted to land on me, and I silently sighed. Why phrase it like that? Why not simply order me to take care of this filthy bit of business? It would certainly help ease my conscience. Not that I deserved that. 

 With almost harsh bemusement, Talira said, “Is there even a question of how it’ll be handled? Everyone here knows how we deal with traitors like Sanya, just as we know who will shoulder that burden so we privileged few can keep our hands clean.” 

 Um… had she just… defended me, in a way? Had that been meant as a rebuke? Based on the many winces in the room, I’d say that it had been. 

 “And we shall honor him for it and the many sacrifices he has made and will continue to make for us.” 

 Standing, Orin bowed to me, which… I didn’t know how that made me feel, but when he rose from it, he returned to business. 

 “Unless another problem is urgent enough for us to address it in person, I propose that we end this emergency assembly, concluding any lesser business via messages and direct connections,” he said. “As with us all, Kirst has far too much on its plate to continue sitting around, discussing our plans.” 

 When he glanced around the table, no one objected to his proposal, so he nodded. 

 “Then, I call this assembly adjourned.” 

 He immediately strode for an exit, and while it took the others a moment to process this shift in circumstances, they soon followed, although Talira pulled Raelle aside before she could leave. 

 “If it’s acceptable to you, my Lokke Vitras and I will use this room to wrap up a final piece of business, which will mean deactivating the recorders in here,” she said. “Will that be a problem? This is your headquarters, after all.” 

 After risking a glance at me, Raelle stiffened before shrugging. 

 “Do what you want,” she said. 

 She refused to look at me while hurrying past, and I briefly wondered what she might have seen on my face. From what I could tell, it could have been anything. I’d almost completely detached from myself, so I didn’t know what was coursing through me right now. 

 But I’d soon get a chance to figure that out. Within a few minutes, the room had been emptied, leaving me alone with Talira.

Chapter 85: The Moment When I Break
I placidly waited while my grandmother secured the room, although I couldn’t stop myself from double checking her work as she disabled recorders. Habits died hard, it seemed. Once she was done, she turned to me as if expecting me to speak, which was a good assumption on her part. 

 “So, my next order of business is to track Sanya down,” I calmly said. “Considering you’ve had months to do the same with no results to speak of, how do you expect me to find her?” 

 As I’d spoken, I’d heard those words as if they’d come from a great distance. Someone else was speaking for me, someone not Zaeden, and this anomaly might concern me more if I hadn’t been too… busy to consider it. I’d give it the time it needed later. 

 Sighing, Talira looked down her nose at me. 

 “I hate saying this, Zae-zae, but don’t you already know how you’ll do it?” she asked. “Given the circumstances, you only have one option available to you.” 

 Yes. And wasn’t that feeling of hopelessness getting exceedingly familiar? 

 Spinning on my heel, I strode away from Talira, needing to be far from here. I needed a distraction, something to keep me from thinking, but given how potent those distractions had needed to be in recent days, finding one now was giving me more trouble than it should. 

 “I’d rather not involve him,” I again calmly said. 

 After a pause, Talira said, “But you know you’ll have to.” 

 And with no warning, my calm was gone. Every defense I’d raised in the last six months, all to keep me from acknowledging my internal state, failed, and with a guttural howl, I swung a fist at a wall, pouring everything into the punch, but even when its impact sent dry-wall flying around me and pain flaring from my knuckles, it wasn’t enough. 

 My unintelligible howl became words. 

 “I hate this!” 

 In a blink, I was beside the table, grabbing a chair so I could throw it at the window. 

 “I hate this city!” I shouted over the tinkle of glass to the floor. “I hate the fucking homeland!” 

 The next thing I knew, I had hold of Talira’s shoulders while towering over her. 

 “I hate you!”  I roared in her face. “Hell, how could you do this? It was evil, Talira, much like the next part will be. EVIL. How the fuck can you condone…?” 

 I trailed off as the absolute calm that was radiating from my grandmother pierced through the haze around me, and seeing it, I knew that I hadn’t been asking those questions of her. Releasing her, I ground my knuckles into my eyes, just screaming for a moment. 

 “I hate myself, Talira!” I said. “I hate myself the most.” 

 “I know,” Talira said “Self-loathing is simply something that you do. You’re exceedingly good at it.” 

 She was quiet for a time, all while I raggedly gasped. Soon enough, though, she muttered my name, probably meaning to say something encouraging, and with a laugh, I shook my head in jerky movements. 

 “Don’t,” I said. “Just don’t.” 

 With a slow breath out, I lowered my hands, and not once looking at Talira, I skirted around her so I could leave. 

 “I’ll begin the hunt in the morning,” I said at the door. “Don’t contact me before then.” 

 That was all she got. In a blur, I stormed through House Vaessa’s headquarters and across the park outside, and all the while, I was composing messages to my various partners. 

 A distraction. I needed a distraction. 

 Time skipped around me as I received my partners’ replies. They were, as one, all refusals, which was entirely fair if also… unfortunate. 

 Because I needed a distraction. 

 Eventually, someone—I hardly took the time to check who—accepted my proposed scenario, inviting me to their place, and as with everything for the last… 

 Holy shit, had it been an hour? 

 As with everything else, the trip to my partner’s place passed in a fog, and I soon found myself outside their door, waiting for them to open it. I also found myself quietly muttering curses at how long it was taking, and this made me pause. Given how utterly out of control I was right now, should I be interacting with other people, especially a partner? Was I about to use them? 

 But when the door opened, revealing their lovely face, a wave of such thirst and hunger swept through me, wiping these concerns away. 

 So what if I was using this person? I’d asked if I could do it, and they’d said yes. 

 So, without truly seeing my partner, I stepped into their apartment, and discarding any pleasantries I should have made, I grabbed their head, pulling them to me. Our lips collided as the door slid shut between us. 

 That night, I didn’t truly sleep. Some of this was because of the various physical activities that my partner and I got up to. Hell, for hours, I did my damnedest to drown myself in sex and other such things, but eventually, they got worn out, quickly falling asleep, and I was left drifting in the half-fog between wakefulness and dreams. 

 There, I encountered a host of horrors. I didn’t know how long I spent running away from the dead or a nameless dread, but when I managed to crawl my way to awareness, I was tangled in sweat-soaked sheets with my partner having vanished from my side. 

 I found them curled up on the couch in the living room, and after brushing their hair aside to kiss their forehead, I wandered into the kitchen. Pouring myself a glass of water, I drained it while checking messages in my array. 

 One in particular caught my eye. From an unknown sender, it was titled ‘So, You Chose the Long Road’, and when I opened it, I was fascinated by its contents. Who knew something could go so wrong with a star? I certainly hoped no inhabited planets circled the one indicated here because if they did, the people who lived on them were fucked, at least within a cosmological timeframe. 

 Too many reports were attached to this message for me to read them all right now, so I set them aside. I’d review them when I had time. 

 For now, I had… something to do, something important, but its details had slipped from my mind, which was unlike me. Shaking my head, I subsequently shook off that conundrum before heading to the washroom to get ready for the day. I took my time in the shower this morning. I might need to do important things, but I would enjoy this hot water, damnit. 

 Then, it was time to brush my teeth and dress, and once that was done, my partner had woken up. We shared a heartfelt, if hasty, goodbye, all while I ignored some of the, frankly, strange things they said. If they couldn’t remember my name, maybe I should consider creating some distance between us. When I opened the door to head for work, however, I stopped dead in my tracks before going right back inside. 

 Lifting an eyebrow as I passed them, my partner said, “Forget something?” 

 With a nervous laugh, I nodded, unwilling to tell them that I’d seen something unpleasant outside. I thought it had been unpleasant, at least. I couldn’t remember exactly what it had been.  

 Instead of voicing that, I headed onto my partner’s balcony and climbed over a few railings before invading the apartment a few doors down. 

 I wasn’t sure how I was doing all of this— I didn’t know how to crack processes like this—or even why. What on earth was I trying to escape? But as with earlier, I shook these questions off, moving through the apartment and heading outside. 

 While on my way to work, people stared at me, which was strange. I was nothing special, and having so many eyes on me was uncomfortable. Mother Time, my skin was crawling by the time I reached ground level. 

 The other thing I noticed while walking was that someone was following me. I didn’t know how I knew this, but either way, the hair on the back of my neck was standing on end, and I kept glancing over my shoulder, no matter how many times I tried to stop doing that. Hell, how suspicious must I appear to the people around me? 

 Halfway to work, I couldn’t take it any longer. I ducked into an alleyway, resting my hand on my chest. It felt so tight, and I was hyperventilating. When had that started? 

 I needed to calm down. No one was following or staring at me. That was paranoia talking. So, I took take deep breaths, focusing on that until I could no longer hear blood rushing in my ears. 

 That was when someone stepped into the alley with me. Tall, he was wearing only black, and an intimidating aura hung heavy on him. He looked familiar too. Did I know him? 

 “Zae, what are you doing?” he asked. “Are you ok?” 

 He reached for me, and at the sudden move, I flinched away. For some reason, this made him freeze in place, watching me with something unreadable in his eyes. I didn’t like it. 

 “I- I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I-” 

 Licking my lips, I got myself under control. I was in the middle of Xygek, for Mother Time’s sake! There was nothing to fear here. So, I squared my shoulders as I said. 

 “You’ve got the wrong guy. I don’t know any ‘Zae’.” 

 I didn’t know what I’d expected from this stranger when I said that, but it certainly hadn’t been the blank stare I was receiving. 

 With an empty voice, he said, “What?” 

 Unsure what else to do, I shrugged while pasting a shaky smile in place. 

 “My name’s Rylan,” I said. “Sorry. You’ve got the wrong guy.” 

 With a sharply indrawn breath, the stranger mouthed my name before pinching his nose with his eyes squeezed closed. 

 “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he breathed. 

 Now, I really didn’t know what to do. 

 “I’m… not? Kidding you, that is,” I said. “Again, sorry. Maybe I can help you find your-” 

 “T.R.O.U.B.L.E, Zaeden,” the stranger snapped. “Stop this. We need to get started.” 

 At his words, the world had begun pulling away, making me feel faint, but as soon as he stopped speaking, it snapped back into place, although the strangest pang of melancholy accompanied it. With a rough headshake, I rubbed my temples. 

 “If you don’t want my help, I should get going,” I said. “I have something important to do at work, and I’m already late-” 

 Slapping his hands to his thighs, the stranger growled, “We don’t have time for this. T.R.O.U.B.L.E, Zae. Please. I… I need you for this.” 

 At his apparent distress, I frowned. 

 “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you,” I said. “If you’ll excuse me?” 

 When I tried to brush past the stranger, however, he took hold of my arms, pinning me to a wall, and my everything went cold. Violence? In Xygek? That was impossible. 

 With pleading eyes, the stranger said, “Don’t do this.” 

 Ok. I didn’t know what was going on, but I’d had quite enough of this disruption to my morning. Summoning as much courage as I had, I lifted my chin. 

 “Let me go,” I demanded. 

 The stranger’s face morphed through a variety of expressions—ones that I could read, for some reason—before settling into a snarl. 

 “No,” he growled. 

 Then, he kissed me, and- and— 

 —and I started weeping. I tried to get free of Korix, but he kept me pinned to the wall, ignoring tears and mucus when they started dribbling around our mouths. Soon enough, though, all fight left me, and with my muscles going limp, I slumped, hanging from Korix. 

 “No, no! I can’t do this to you,” I sobbed against his lips. “I can’t . Don’t make me. Please. Fucking hell, Ko, please . Pleeeeeease…” 

 That one word became a wail, one that was only silenced by his kiss, and once it had stopped, Korix lowered us to the ground. With him holding me up and my legs over his, we stayed there while I lost myself for a time, and if my hallucination deigned to join us at some point during this, I chose not to notice them. 

 At some point, I started slipping into a familiar, listlessly dead state, and as if aware of this, Korix cupped my jaw, gently slapping my cheeks until I focused on him. Hell, what was I doing? I might have to demand something unconscionable from him soon, but he was the one who’d- 

 His grip on me tightened. 

 “No,” he said. “You don’t go running off to somewhere deep inside. You stay with me and listen. Understand?” 

 When he peered at me as if uncertain whether I was still with him, I mutely nodded. 

 “Good.” 

 Releasing me, Korix rested his hands between us, staring at them, but after a moment, he started. 

 “Do you remember what you told me after the Crescent Incident? You’d just seen me have a fit for the first time, and shortly after that, you saved your family and hundreds more from a Dissolver.” 

 It was also when I’d first killed someone I loved but… 

 “Yes, I remember,” I whispered. “How could I forget?” 

 Nodding, Korix said, “I believe it was, ‘You need me, evushk, and I won’t leave you the moment my training gets tough’, yes?” 

 That was it exactly. 

 “You chose to make a significant sacrifice, one that no one should have asked of you, for my happiness,” he continued. “Now, it’s my turn. I’m choosing to do this, even if it’s not entirely for you.” 

 Sniffing, I said, “That’s not fair, Ko. You can’t just turn the tables on me like that.” 

 With a laugh, Korix bumped his forehead into mine. 

 “I very well can,” he said, “and look! Now, you know how I felt all those years ago.” 

 Making a face, I said, “It’s not pleasant.” 

 “No. No, it’s not,” Korix softly said. 

 He brushed his lips against mine again, holding me to him with a hand on the back of my neck. 

 “So,” he said, “will you stay with me?” 

 There was only one answer to that. 

 “I will. Always.”

Chapter 86: Part One of a Partner's Past
We started our search for Sanya on the outskirts of Xygek. To my great surprise, Korix led us to an empty apartment there, but I didn’t notice much more about it at first, too busy with my incredulous stare at him. Why were we here? 

 Seeing this, Korix chuckled before waving around us. 

 “Welcome to where I grew up,” he said. 

 Where he’d… grown up? Even as I jerked my head to take in my surroundings, I was considering everything that implied. How long had this place been left uninhabited? Such a vast amount of space getting left unused seemed strange in overcrowded Lutov, but if anyone could get away with that, it would be a former Lokke Vitras. 

 Also, this was my life partner’s childhood home. He never talked about his past. Why did this revelation scare me so badly? 

 Shoving that concern aside, I glanced over sheet-covered furniture with interest, squinting when Korix turned on the lights. I tried to imagine a child version of him playing in this room, but any image of it that I conjured quickly slipped away. Thinking of Korix as a young person hurt my brain. 

 In general, the place looked exactly like what one would expect in the home of a mid Strata. Roomy, but not cavernous. Nicely decorated, but not extravagant. Normal. 

 How had he come from this? 

 But when I returned my attention to the man in question, I wanted to smack myself upside the head for letting curiosity distract me. Korix was biting his lip with a distant look in his eyes, and I knew he was reliving some past event, if not one so traumatic as to cause a fit. When he noticed my eyes on him, he shook himself before smiling. 

 “Come on,” he said. “If Sanya’s left any clues for us, it’ll be here.” 

 He headed deeper inside, and I hesitantly followed, certain that I was intruding upon a place that I was never supposed to see. 

 As we moved through the apartment, I noted the distinct lack of photos in it. There were plenty of paintings here, but no family portraits like what we had in our own home. Why was that? Had Korix wanted to keep evidence of his past life so far buried that he’d destroyed any portraits found here, or had his birth family never taken photos? If that was the case, why avoid something so innocuous? Maybe the reason had been something simple, like someone in the family had hated taking photographs, but somehow, I doubted that was the case. 

 The other thing of note throughout the apartment was the excessive number of recorders in every room. From what I could tell, they were all inactive now, but that begged the question. Did that mean they’d been in place when Korix was growing up? That might explain why he’d been so averse to adding that security precaution to our estate. 

 Soon enough, he led me through an old-fashioned door, one that was unregulated by processes, and seeing the immaculately neat room beyond it, I stopped short in the threshold. Glancing back at me, Korix snorted. 

 “Yes, Zae, that’s right,” he said. “This was my room.” 

 Reflexively, I checked the door again. Without security processes to hold it closed, the only thing that might make it a barrier against the outside world would be a lock, but I saw nothing like that here, just a doorknob. 

 Now given, as a child, Korix probably hadn’t had the same level of paranoia as he did now, but even still, I found this strange. If I hadn’t been able to lock my door while growing up, I’d have found it exceedingly unnerving. 

 Everything else here matched my expectations, though. The bed was made in stupidly crisp lines with not a single pillow left askew, and similarly, everything else in the room had its place. Was it bad that I’d like to get out of my clothes and mess up that perfectly spread comforter with him? 

 Shaking the thought off, I stepped into the room. Korix had already powered the storecase beneath his desk on, looking through an activity log, so I circled the space, scanning it. When I reached a set of shelves, I plucked a trophy off of it with a smile. 

 “If you started cracking processes at such a young age, it’s no wonder you’ve always been better at it than me,” I said. 

 Never looking away from the monitor, Korix noncommittally mumbled something, and chuckling, I returned the trophy to its place. 

 “I’m surprised you focused on process work enough to get so many awards for it,” I said. “Most mid Strata Kolb families aren’t keen on that idea, valuing martial skills instead.” 

 I didn’t know why I felt the need to chitchat right now. Was I that uncomfortable with this situation?  

 Unfortunately, Korix didn’t reply for a while, letting me complete a half-circuit of his room in tense silence before speaking up. 

 “I didn’t come from a House Kolb family,” he said. 

 Freezing, I craned my head toward him, well aware that I was gaping. 

 “What?” I managed to say. 

 Shaking his head, Korix straightened from his lean on the desk. 

 “That’s why no one disapproved of my fascination with process work,” he said. “It aligned well with my family’s chosen House.” 

 As he powered down the storecase, I struggled to find my words. Fortunately, I martialed them before Korix could head out the door. 

 “That’s not what I meant,” I said. “You’re telling me that you, the former Lokke Vitras of Lutov, didn’t grow up in Kolb?” 

 Glancing over his shoulder, Korix said, “I did not.” 

 And he walked out the door. I could only sputter for a moment because this little piece of history didn’t fit into what I’d have expected from my exceedingly House Kolb life partner, but soon enough, I was racing after him. 

 “So… which House…?” I said when I'd caught up. 

 Finishing the question was a bit too much for me right now, something Korix seemed to know based off of how much he was smirking. 

 “Cerullis,” he said. 

 Oh, hell. The House I’d just worked to disband. I opened my mouth to say… something. I wasn’t sure what. Maybe I wanted to apologize? Whatever the case, Korix preempted me. 

 “Before you ask, I chose Kolb at my House naming ceremony because there was a certain element of my family that I wasn’t fond of,” he said. “I eagerly took my chance at creating space between us.” 

 That was interesting. What did it mean? 

 Definitely not a question I should ask now. 

 Korix turned us into another room, but I only noted that it was messier than his before pinning my gaze on him. 

 “Why Kolb, though?” I asked. “Given the trophies I saw in your room, you’d have been just as welcome in Zan.” 

 “Simple, really,” Korix said. 

 He started a repeat of the search he’d performed on his old storecase while explaining. 

 “At the time, I was extremely motivated to protect the average citizen from the dark side of Lutov, and Kolb was my best way to do that.” 

 Well. At least that reason fit into my perspective of him, even if it did raise another question. How had young Korix even known that Lutov had a dark side? 

 “There it is,” he breathed. 

 When Korix opened a file on this room’s storecase, a brief series of images splashed onto the monitor’s screen, followed by a text-based message. 

 Let’s see what you are now, it read. 

 On reading this, Korix sucked in a gasp, making me conclude that the message had been meant for him, and when he hunched forward, I hurried to him so I could rest a hand on his back. After a couple of deep breaths, he gathered himself. 

 “I know where to go next,” he said. 

 He didn’t give me a chance to question him or explore the rest of his childhood home. Marching for the door, he was a puppeted doll, completely wooden save to throw a single line over his shoulder. 

 “I hope you don’t mind word-of-mouth stories because I’m telling one on the way.” 

 And my stomach dropped, because this? This behavior was more what I’d expected from him while we completed this mission. 

 I didn’t say a word, though, not as we retrieved a skycruiser or as we got into it. At the moment, it wasn’t my place. It was my turn to support him like he’d just done for me. 

 

 The story began once we were five minutes into a trek with an unknown destination. 

 “Once, there was a perfectly innocent boy who lived what he thought was an ideal life,” Korix said. “Surrounded by loved ones and with his every need provided for, he was happy. It didn’t matter that he was rarely allowed to leave the safety of his home. He didn’t know if the world was as dangerous as his parents claimed, but he trusted them. They would keep him safe. 

 “And for seven years, this was all he knew. He thought his life was normal: that all fathers were respected, all mothers were timidly quiet, and all children automatically did as they were told. He was very good at that last thing. 

 “Despite what he'd been told, he also believed that the outside world was a bright and mystical place. Besides for the occasional social function, he never left the cocoon of his home, but he loved hearing stories about the outside world. He couldn’t wait until he could attend his first House rotation. 

 “Then, that time came, and it was everything he’d hoped for and more. In spite of how sheltered he'd been, he easily made friends—those supposedly legendary creatures—and his classes fascinated him. So many new subjects and unthinkable concepts were presented to him, and he loved it all. 

 “Eventually, however, that House rotation came to an end. He went home to his family, eager to share what he’d learned, and for a single afternoon, everything returned to normal. 

 “Unfortunately, this irrevocably changed when the day ended because on the fateful night in question, that innocent boy first met the monster.”

Chapter 87: Resistance and a Continued Story
Our next destination was on the other side of the city. As we set down, I wondered why Korix had brought us here. As far as I could tell, it was just another of the many House Kolb training facilities spread across Xygek. 

 Perhaps aware of my many questions, Korix simply said, “I came here to escape.” 

 Without looking at me, he got out of the skycruiser, and while he headed into the building, I didn’t move, watching him the whole time. This story he was telling me… it was obviously his, no matter how much he was trying to distance himself from it, and I didn’t like where it was going. 

 I was also not enjoying how, to this point, I’d simply been along for the ride on this hunt. Even before starting it, I’d known I likely wouldn’t contribute much to it, but so far, I’d added nothing. Whatever the flashing images on that storecase had relayed to Korix, I hadn’t seen it and my utter reliance on him for this task… 

 It broke my heart, but then, that had been a common theme for me over the last six months. 

 From out of nowhere, my hallucination stepped into view outside the skycruiser, slamming their hands onto the front of it, and jumping, I scowled at them, which only made them smile. 

 “Hurry up, LV!” they called through the glass. “He’s leaving you in his dust.” 

 That was right. If I couldn’t help with this hunt, the least I could do was be with Korix as he endured it. So, I peeled myself out of the skycruiser and chased after him. 

 As always when in populated portions of Lutov, people stared at me, surreptitiously or otherwise, and yes. Typically, this didn’t bother me. Much. Spend a century dealing with anything you find unpleasant, and you get used to it. 

 Today, though, I couldn’t ignore it. By the time I got into the training facility, my skin was itching from a persistent crawl, and I was fighting the urge to duck my chin to my chest.  

 Was it simply because of the task I was completing today, or was my sudden discomfort due to something more concerning? I was fully aware of how much the Rylan persona had taken over this morning, even if I couldn’t focus on its strangeness now. At some point soon, I’d have to work through it in full, figuring out why and how the swap of control had occurred, but for now, I’d have to question whether his presence was lingering with me, influencing my experience of the world in a more passive way. 

 When I caught up with him, Korix was stiffly questioning a rather nervous looking man, someone who worked here from what I could tell. 

 “-none of the simulation rooms are unoccupied?” he was asking as I approached. 

 “N-no,” the nervous man stammered. “This time of day is usually pretty busy so-” 

 He cut off as I came to a stop beside Korix. 

 “What are we looking for?” I congenially asked, ignoring the worker. 

 “She’s left another clue here. I know it,” Korix said. “It’ll be somewhere safe. Hidden. Possibly somewhere unused or abandoned. She’s always liked places like that, places where no one could find her.” 

 “Ah.” 

 Damnit. The more details that kept popping up during this hunt, the more uneasy I became with it. 

 Turning to the nervous man, I smiled, trying to set him at ease. 

 “Is there anywhere like that here, not just a sim room?” I asked. “Or perhaps one of those has been regularly booked by people from another House?” 

 I’d heard what Korix had said, but while he might have known Sanya best long ago, I’d spent more time with her in recent years. His described need of hers to hide certainly fit with the woman I’d come to know, but it wasn’t complete. From what I’d seen, Sanya had also learned the value of allies since she and Korix had been close. 

 At my question, the worker relaxed, even if the grin he directed at me was still nervous. 

 “Yes, Lokke Vitras. For the last few months, we’ve had a group of individuals from various Houses meeting in one of our sim rooms every day, usually in the mid-afternoon,” he said. “I always thought it was strange. Zan members don’t usually hang out with people from Drav.” 

 Yes, a situation like that was strange, something that someone should have reported a while ago, but I wouldn’t berate this man over it. Who knew why no one had mentioned the anomaly? 

 So instead, I asked, “Which room?” After receiving an answer, Korix and I headed to our new destination. When we arrived, said space was full of various House Kolb members, so Korix and I set up to stake it out. I kept expecting him to continue with his story while we waited, but he kept quiet, and I didn’t press, simply leaning my head on his shoulder. 

 Hours passed in this silence, one that was both safe and vastly uncomfortable at the same time, but eventually, people from Houses other than Kolb started filing into the indicated room, replacing its former occupants. After the last one had entered, we waited for a time, making sure everyone had gathered, before making our move. 

 The fight that ensued was bloody and frustrating . I didn’t know how so many of Sanya’s allies had escaped from my recent wipe, although these people’s affiliation with Houses other than Cerullis might have something to do with it. Either way, they were fanatical in their struggle to escape, refusing to listen when Korix and I gave them the option of surrendering. 

 As the last of them fell, we stood, panting, among the bodies, and I looked myself over. We’d need to search our opponents and get out of here before too much of a tizzy erupted, yes, but as part of that last point, I needed to know how much evidence of the fight had been left on me.  

 Once I finished that inspection, I winced. Far too much blood had been sprayed on my clothes while the charred leavings of an energy bolt had blackened one sleeve, and from what I could see, Korix was in the same state. There was no way we could get to the skycruiser without someone taking note of us, which would be just wonderful . 

 Drawing attention to my activities always made covering them up more annoying. Instead of ignoring what had happened, the Houses that I might have ‘wronged’ would cause a fuss until I’d explained myself, which in some ways, was good. There should be some consequences for the many awful things that I did. That made it no less irritating, though. 

 Beside me, Korix clicked his tongue, drawing me out of my thoughts. 

 “Just got a connection request, visual format,” he said. “She must have been watching.” 

 He lifted his hand, and above his palm, an image of Sanya formed. I couldn’t tell where she was, but wherever it was, it was rustic. The craftsmanship of the dwelling around her reminded me of ones I’d visited in Ibis, and through the window at her back, I could see greenery, so rare in Lutov. Did that mean she’d crossed the water? 

 With thin lips, Sanya fixed Korix with a piercing glare. 

 “I see you’ve gone the way of him,” she said. 

 Swallowing hard, Korix said, “I-” 

 But Sanya merely cut him off. 

 “Well, you know where I am now,” she said. “Come and get me.” 

 The image fizzled out, and after blankly staring at his hand for a moment, Korix dropped it with a growl. Roughly scraping his head, he started pacing, cursing up a storm, and I let him have this reaction for a bit before stepping into his path. 

 “Ko, I’m sorry, but if you know where we’re headed, we need to leave,” I said. 

 Stopping short, Korix nodded while rubbing his face. 

 Lifting red-rimmed eyes to me, he said, “It wasn’t supposed to end this way.” 

 And I replied, “I know.” 

 Because what else was I supposed to say? 

 We left the bodies where they’d dropped, although I informed Talira of what had happened, and as I’d expected, people most definitely paid attention to us as we walked through the training facility. It set my skin crawling once again, so much so that reaching the skycruiser was almost as relieving as coming home from a mission would be. 

 But then, Korix input a destination into the console, and we were off. 

 

 It took him longer to start with his story this time. 

 “So, the boy met the monster. Later in life, he would wonder why it took that man seven years to turn such unfathomably vast ire on him. When he was younger, the rest of his family may have distracted the monster on occasion, but surely, that wasn’t enough. Surely, he should have noticed the evil in his home before then. 

 “Did the monster delay because the boy was his son and the rest of the family… wasn’t? Was it because the boy had always been so obedient and eager to please? Was it because until that first House rotation, the monster had total sway over him? These questions would haunt the boy in the years to come, but for a long while, greater concerns occupied him. Very quickly, he learned what times of day were safe and how to disappear when the monster came home. He learned how to make convincing excuses to get out of activities with his friends, any time he was in less-than-optimal shape. 

 “He learned the importance of control . Make one mistake, and your life becomes hell. This lesson was drilled into him so many times that it soon constantly played in the background of his mind. 

 “Over the years, he sometimes wondered how no one noticed what was going on at home. Sure, his array healed his bruises quickly enough, but no normal boy goes catatonic when someone barely raises their voice at him. No normal boy becomes an animal during sparring sessions with House Kolb, taking advantage of the situation to transmute the violence found at home into something else. 

 “So, how did no one notice? Maybe some people did: the instructors who constantly reminded him that they were there to listen and the like, but if they picked up on the signs, they never raised a hand to help. 

 “The boy endured this for eighteen long, arduous years, doing everything in his power to protect the others in his family from the monster’s ire, but finally, finally, a long-awaited day arrived, and he escaped from that house of horrors. 

 “For a while after that, the boy spent most of his time learning what a normal life was truly like. He advanced in Strata, gained a healthy social life, and found out that he was polyamorous. 

 “That infuriated the monster, which made the boy giddier than he’d ever been in his life, even if it had adverse side effects for the rest of his family. The boy hated these side effects because, you see, throughout this period of happiness, he’d still striven to protect the rest of his family. 

 “Eventually, the day came when he could no longer do that. On that most normal of days, he received a request for connection from the only other person who’d escaped the house of horrors, a connection where he heard only screaming, and when it was cut, it was like he lost time. One moment, he was in House Kolb’s headquarters, and the next, he was barging into her home. 

 “He found her wheezing on her kitchen floor, moments from dying, and something snapped. After calling for emergency services, he went to confront the monster.”

Chapter 88: She's His Sister
We’d set down a while ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to find out where we were. Throughout Korix’s story, I’d hung on his every word, silently dying inside for him, and when he fell silent, it felt as if the rest of the world went quiet too. 

 I badly wanted to reach out and comfort this man I could never love, but something in his bearing held me back. He was a shaky house of cards, only requiring a single touch to fall apart, but fortunately, I knew what he needed in this moment. It was what anyone would need in his position: to finish the story. To have someone hear him, in every way possible. 

 So, I softly asked, “And what happened during that confrontation?” 

 Korix took a shuddering breath before turning to me with his jaw set. 

 “The boy killed his monster,” he said. 

 He expected this to upset me, I could tell, and it did, if not for the reason he thought. How could the world be so cruel as to allow something like this story to exist? 

 But Korix was looking at me as if he was certain I’d run away from him, and I had to meet that unspoken challenge. So, I lowered the divider between us so I could scoot closer and throw my arms around his neck. 

 “Good,” I whispered in his ear. “I’m glad.” 

 For a moment, Korix stiffened, but then, he hugged me back with a whoosh of hot air ruffling my hair. 

 “Thank you,” he said. 

 We held each other for as long as we could, and when we had to break apart, the story he’d told me got put to the side. I looked through the skycruiser’s glass, taking in our location for the first time. We were at the border between Xygek and the Preserve, apparently. Why were we here? 

 “When we were kids, Sanya and I used to play here, getting out of the house in the brief moments we could,” Korix said. “I was always a… curious child, we’ll call it, and while that curiosity got me into plenty of scrapes when I was young, it also helped me, especially in this place. Because of it, I found an unauthorized way into the Preserve.” 

 “What?” I snapped. 

 At that, Korix simply laughed while getting out of the skycruiser, and as had been the theme today, I scrambled to follow. He approached the fence that guarded the Preserve, and once he reached it, his body blurred, becoming mist as it passed through. Once he was on the other side, turning on me with a grin, I scowled at him. 

 “That can’t be how you got through as a kid,” I said. “You wouldn’t have had access to that process until you reached the high Strata, and you most certainly didn’t have the authority that you have now. You’d have needed both to bypass everything that’s protecting this place.” 

 “True,” Korix said. 

 But he didn’t speak a word more, only smirking on the other side of the chain link between us. He was going to make me ask? 

 “So, how did you do it then?” I said. 

 With his eyes twinkling, Korix said, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” 

 Really? After a moment, I growled, resisting the urge to stomp in place. 

 “Yes. That’s why I asked. I fucking hate using molecular dispersion,” I said. “Is it something I need to worry about?” 

 Sobering, Korix cocked his head, considering the question. 

 “No. I doubt anyone else would think to use my exploit, not even you,” he said, “and unless you require it, I’d rather not explain. With everything else I’ve shared today and what I’ll soon show you… with her waiting there… I need to hold onto some secrets, no matter how small.” 

 Oh. I knew what this was. 

 “It’ll be better if we get this over with quickly,” I said. 

 With his breath hitching, Korix looked away. 

 “I know.” 

 But then, that smirk returned to his face, if a little shakier than before. 

 “Coming?” he asked. 

 After initiating the process that began molecular dispersion, I too stepped through the fence, and together, we headed into the forest. If I’d found wandering through this place painful the last time I’d been here, this time was torture. This time, I knew with every step what we were here to do, and there was no avoiding what came at the end. 

 When we reached our destination, would we find Sanya there? In a way, this search had helped me with keeping my mind off of its inevitable conclusion, but now that it was swiftly approaching… now that it was almost here… 

 “What will you do?” 

 Picking up the pace, my hallucination got in front of me, walking backward. 

 “Sanya’s his sister,” they said. “You’ve known that for days, but you keep putting off the question of her fate, avoiding it like it’ll kill you. Well now, it’s time to face the music. You’ve used Korix to track down his sister, and knowing his story, you also know how important she is to him. So. Will you kill her, as the mission requires? If so, will you do it in front of him? Or will you let him decide how it goes?” 

 Vigorously shaking my head, I whispered, “I don’t know yet.” 

 My hallucination’s disapproval was almost as bad as Korix’s look of concern, but at least I could wave that last one away. 

 “You planning on sharing where we’re headed anytime soon?” I asked. 

 Sighing, Korix said, “The only safe place that I knew as a child. You’ll understand what I mean when you see it, and don’t worry. That will be soon.” 

 He wasn’t wrong. Within another quarter hour, we stumbled onto one of the crudest structures I’d come across in Lutov, but given the context of how it had been created, I had to admire its craftmanship. High in the branches of a massive tree, Korix and Sanya’s safe space was large enough to contain a low Strata’s apartment inside of it, and while its materials were—as I’d said before—crude, composed of roughly hewn logs and rope, it was sturdy with plenty of openings in its walls to serve as lookout points. Pretty damn good for a pair of children. 

 Staring up at it, Korix seemed rooted in place, but when I moved toward the rope ladder that led into the tree, he called for me to wait. He was slow and hesitant in his steps, but soon enough, he’d mounted the ladder, and together, we climbed to a more stable surface. 

 “-become a copy of him,” a soft voice was saying as I reached my feet. 

 Having already gone inside, Korix was hidden from view, but I clearly heard him when he said. 

 “I am not our bastard of a father.” 

 Sanya merely chuckled at that, which forced me to take a moment before joining them. I had to suppress everything that her voice had raised in me. 

 “That’s super unhealthy, LV,” my hallucination said behind me. “You’ve got to stop ignoring these things.” 

 What did they know? 

 Requesting my rifle, I joined Korix inside, noting that he already had a weapon pointed at Sanya. She barely acknowledged my presence, reserving all of her attention for her brother. 

 “You could have stayed out of this,” she said. “Once the Lokke Vitras knew how we’re related, he could have easily followed my clues by himself. It might have taken him longer, but it would have been possible. 

 “But you had to get involved. Why? It can’t be out of some desire to help me. Years ago, when it became clear that the Lokke Vitras role was more important to you than me, you promised that you’d stay out of my life, that we would be nothing to one another, and for years, you kept that promise. Yet, here you are now. So please, brother dearest. Please, explain why you’re here. Explain why hunting me down as you have doesn’t make you like our father.” 

 With- with tears streaming over his face, Korix said, “I couldn’t love you, Sanya, just as much as I can’t love him . Why can’t you understand that? You always hated me for what I became, but I never wanted to be the Lokke Vitras, much like the sister I knew would never have wanted to do all she’s done. We’re more alike than you want to admit.” 

 Sanya reared back for a moment before snapping. 

 “And that excuses how you’ll kill me?” 

 Uh… what-? 

 “NO! Of course it fucking doesn’t, you frustratingly brilliant woman!” Korix roared. “No one here deserves forgiveness for what we’ve done, least of all me for all the ways I’ve hurt you. 

 “But I am NOT our damn father. Mother Time, Sanya. Do you think I take pleasure from this, like he would have? I hate it, and I will never be able to live with it once it’s done. You will always haunt me.” 

 Apparently, Sanya had no reply for that because silence fell, and glancing between the two of them, I rested a hand on my hip, tapping my rifle against a leg. 

 “Excuse me, but what the hell do you think you’re doing?” I said. “All of this—” 

 I waved at them. 

 “—it’s my job. I’m the dramatic one. I’m the one who scars my spark of a soul for no good reason, and I’m definitely the one who gets to carry a burden this heavy. So, Ko. Please do shut up and go outside for a moment. I have a decision to make, and all this shouting isn’t helping with that.” 

 Left gaping, Korix rapidly blinked at me. 

 “Zae-” he tried to say. 

 “GO. OUTSIDE.” I firmly said before softening. “Whatever I decide, I’ll make sure you have a chance to say goodbye before I do it.” 

 Oo, he wanted to fight me on this. I saw it in how stiffly he was holding himself, but with a jerky nod, he did as he was told for fucking once. With that taken care of, I turned on Sanya, this massively convoluted conundrum that was somehow contained in one woman, and for a while, we simply stared at one another while I struggled with choosing what to do next. Soon enough, though, my hallucination clicked their tongue, marching to stand behind Sanya. 

 “No more avoidance,” they said. “You may continue to ignore everything else in your life that you’d rather never see but this?” 

 They jabbed a finger into the top of Sanya’s head. 

 “You can face this.” 

 They were right. I could no longer delay my current nightmare. So, I trudged across the distance to Sanya and dropped to the floor in front of her, rubbing my face. 

 “You created a neurotoxin, experimenting on people made vulnerable by a wish to join the Collective,” I said. “You released this neurotoxin in Xygek, thereby endangering Lutov worse than any other known catastrophe, and it killed someone very dear to me.” 

 I glanced up at my hallucination, but they only met my gaze with a blank expression in place. 

 Probably believing the pause had been for her, Sanya simply said, “I did.” 

 She didn’t bother trying to excuse herself, which was good because I wasn’t done. 

 “Your actions have led to the deaths of hundreds and the dissolution of your House,” I continued, “not that I’m blaming everything I’ve done on you. I’ll readily acknowledge how complicit I was in the last few months. Even still, what you’ve done requires punishment, even if my position will keep those same consequences from falling on me, and I must carry out this execution.” 

 “Yes, this is true,” Sanya said. 

 And again, there was nothing else. Looking at this woman who’d caused so much misery, I could no longer contain myself. 

 “You hurt me, Sanya,” I hissed with my eyes watering, “hurt me badly, and you knew what you were doing before any of this started.” 

 With a solemn nod, Sanya said. “I did. I’m sorry, Zaeden.” 

 She was sorry? She was sorry for months of sleepless nights? For the accumulation of so much unnecessary blood on my hands? For forcing me to show Leski and Baely how horrible my role as the Lokke Vitras could be, driving them away as a result? For killing Damari? 

 “And there it is,” my hallucination whispered. “The reason you’ve been pushing yourself so hard and why you’ve been seeing me. You have to let this go, LV.” 

 But I COULDN’T. 

 Growling, I jerked my hand up, and Sanya leaned away from the rifle that was suddenly in her face. 

 “How could you do this?” I shouted. “You were my friend!” 

 With a long sigh, Sanya said, “And I still am. Months ago, I told you that I’d need you to end this, remember? I said it because it was true, of course, but also because it would make this part easier for you. Please, Zaeden. Shoot me, knowing it’s what I want.” 

 What should I do? Sanya was my friend, but she was my enemy. She was Korix’s sister, but she was a threat to the homeland. I had to kill her, but I couldn’t. 

 I couldn’t . 

 “So, let it go,” my hallucination said. “Let me go.” 

 Gritting my teeth, I closed my eyes, breathing in all of my turmoil, and after a soul-wrenching moment, I let it back out, slow as melting ice. Then, I met Damari’s eyes. 

 “I loved you, my friend,” I whispered. 

 And I shot them in the face. 

 They disappeared as the bolt passed through them before blackening the wood at their back, and as they dissolved into nothing, I drooped, ignoring the world around me. Please, let me do this, just for a moment. 

 Sanya brought me back. 

 “What… was that?” she asked in a tremulous voice. 

 And I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t know why I found this situation so funny, but I did, and my body shook with that amusement. 

 Eventually, though, I calmed down, wiping my eyes. 

 “So far as I’m concerned, I just killed you,” I said. “A single, powerless woman is no true threat to Lutov, and despite how much your crimes cry out for punishment, I can’t carry it out. Call me selfish or weak for it, if you must, but I can’t do that to myself or Korix.” 

 Getting to my feet was hell. All of my body’s long-accumulated woes were screaming through me, and once I’d reached my full height, I could barely summon the energy needed to stay upright. 

 Glancing down at a dead woman, I said, “Goodbye, Sanya.” 

 I didn’t look at Korix when I joined him outside. Crossing my arms, I leaned against the wall beside him. 

 “And so far as you’re concerned, I just left an unrecognizable mess of a body in there,” I said. “Your job is to clean it up, however you see fit. Do you understand me? Just give me a yes or no answer, please.” 

 When I made myself look at Korix, I didn’t find the disapproval that I’d expected. Instead, he was watching me with shimmering eyes and a slack mouth, and after a pause, he dumbly nodded. 

 “Good,” I said. “Whatever you decide, I need you home tonight. I’ll need help with writing my report.” 

 In other words, don’t run away from me. 

 I didn’t wait for his reply. After descending from the tree and leaving the Preserve, I got in the skycruiser and had it take me home. Once there, I stumbled to my room, collapsed into bed, and promptly fell asleep. 

 

 Korix woke me up when he cuddled up next to me, hours later. 

 “Don’t get up,” he said as he kissed my shoulder. “I have a story that needs finishing.” 

 Yawning, I tried to put together what story he was talking about before promptly giving up and snuggling into him. 

 “All right,” I said. 

 This time, it took Korix a good, long while to start talking, and throughout that time, he held me to him, breathing into my hair. 

 “The circumstances of my father’s death drew quite a bit of attention to me, including Talira’s,” he eventually said. “She was the Lokke Vitras back then, so she didn’t have much time for an anomaly like me, but even still, she checked in on me over the years, always while using a persona. This was how she chose me. When her shukusen decided to join the Collective, ordering her to train her replacement, she knew I’d be the perfect fit. 

 “So, you see, my father ruined my life in more than one way. He also tangentially got me trapped in a role that I abhorred. 

 “Even still, I have to thank him. Because I was the Lokke Vitras, Talira sent me on a sensitive, deep-cover mission, investigating reports of subversive activity in House Zan’s ranks, and there, I met the second man who’d shape my life. 

 “I swear, Zaeden. I saw you outside the stacks on the day we met, and it was like the world lurched. I don’t know how else to describe it, and the events that came over the next few decades only solidified the suspicion that formed in me that day. 

 “You know how the Ostiums believe that everyone has someone who can complete their song in the unknowable symphony of the world? I believe that’s what you are for me, Zae. The one who completes my song. 

 “Even if you don’t believe in that mysticism, though, the fact remains that you have changed my life for the better. What I have with you makes up for every tragedy I’ve suffered in my life.” 

 When he went quiet, I rolled over so I could brush his cheek. I loved him. Three simple, little words. How I wished I could say them now. Instead, I rested my forehead on his. 

 “You mean the world to me too, Ko,” I said. 

 Sighing, Korix relaxed against me, and gradually, we fell asleep together. In the morning, we had a report to write, shukusenth to answer to, and our girls to reconcile with, but these problems could wait. 

 For now, this was enough.

Chapter 89: When Victory Feels Like Failure
Writing up the report didn’t take as long as I’d thought it would, if only because Korix had made it easy for me. After requesting the clean-up of a body from Talira, he’d left the Preserve, but before a crew could arrive to comply with the request, an electrical failure in a nearby facility had caused a fire in the woods. This freak accident had consumed any trace of a hut in the trees, although thankfully, long-established safety protocols had kept the fire from spreading too far into the Preserve. 

 By the time anyone could check on Korix after that, he’d reached an island that had once housed a commune for the Cerullis’ defectors, there to pay his respects. The log on his skycruiser had placed him nowhere near the facility that had started the fire, just as its recorders hadn’t stored any images of a visit that he might have made there. 

 If he’d abandoned supplies on the island when he'd left it, I couldn’t find proof of it, not that I looked too hard for that. Throughout the investigation that followed the end of our mission, I chose to believe that Sanya was somewhere in our wide world, free to explore it to her heart’s content. 

 I wasn’t sure if I’d done the right thing by leaving her fate in Korix’s hands. From a purely logical point of view, I should have at least taken her array from her, the same as what I’d done to her followers, but… but… 

 Look. If I’d learned anything from my giant mess of a fuck up, it was that I needed to take better care of myself. For my whole life, I’d lived for my loved ones: their approval, their safety, their happiness, and yes, these things were worth striving for. 

 But not when it came at the expense of my own happiness, much as that never seemed to matter, but more importantly, other people’s lives. I couldn’t keep using love or my—admittedly—relative helplessness to excuse my actions. 

 Mother Time, something had to change. I had to find a way to heal. 

 When it came to that goal, check-in chats with Korix and indulging in a family were definitely a nice start, but in the end, all these things did was keep me stable while I endured a life of ongoing trauma, visited both upon myself and others. 

 And I needed to get out. 

 That was the prime lesson of this long string of events. I could no longer complacently stay in a role that was slowly— so agonizingly slowly —killing me. I had to find a way to escape it. I had to look at my own damn life and everything I wanted to accomplish with it, and I had to fight for it, even if it destroyed me. 

 Even if it hurt my loved ones, much as I’d never wanted that. 

 But I’d been talking about the aftermath of House Cerullis’ dissolution. 

 Over the next few days, the Houses diligently investigated the fire, but all collected evidence firmly indicated two things: that Korix had had nothing to do with it and that Sanya was dead. In the end, this evidence was enough to convince even Talira of these facts. 

 As for my doubts, the only reason I had them was because of Korix. He might act like the wronged and grieving brother, but I could literally see how much lighter he felt. There was an ease to him that in the past, I’d encountered only on rare occasions. 

 After a few days, things calmed down enough to hold a commemorative ceremony for all those lost in the last year, and this was what Feena found me avoiding on the afternoon in question. I’d been reviewing a list that House Kirst had provided me, one that detailed the initial placement of former Cerullis members, and when I noticed her approaching, I watched with pinched lips. 

 Since Sanya had ‘died’, my sister had been trying to get ahold of me, and I’d done my best to elude those attempts. It looked like she’d finally caught up with me, though. 

 “Thought I’d find you here,” she said once she was close enough. 

 Swinging her legs over the railing I was sitting on, Feena perched beside me, glancing down the side of a tower. 

 “Uh-huh,” I distractedly said. “And how many of the other nearby rooftops did you check before lucking out here?” 

 Laughing, Feena said, “A few. You’re a hard man to find at times.” 

 “Especially when I don’t want to be found.” 

 I pointedly glanced at her, but she merely smirked in response. When she didn’t continue with the conversation, I returned to inspecting my list. 

 Based on Kirst’s current progress, the distribution of former Cerullis members into the other Houses’ ranks was almost complete, and once that was done, we only needed to decide the fate of their old headquarters before we could put this unpleasantness behind us. I was eager to do that, even if it would take a while for Lutov to accept our new normal. 

 Damn. If dismantling one of the Houses had been this difficult, requiring such a significant catalyst to start it, what would doing the same with the other five be like? Was there any way to make the process less painful next time? 

 “Five Houses. It’s so strange,” Feena said, as if echoing my thoughts. “Makes sense, though. Five Houses to match the five saviors, when they eventually come along.” 

 Nope. I refused to discuss the ominous bullshit that had been surrounding my sister lately, and she must see it. After a moment, she moved on. 

 “I’m guessing you’re not attending the ceremony,” she said. 

 “That’s a good assumption,” I said. 

 Lifting her palm, Feena quirked an eyebrow at me. 

 “Watch it together?” she asked. 

 I grumbled something placating at her, too grateful that she’d diverged into this topic to protest it. An image of a stage got projected over Feena’s hand, and for close to an hour, she watched the opening proceedings while I paid them barely any mind. 

 I couldn’t listen to those speeches. The people being honored in them were my victims, and right now, I couldn’t stand seeing their faces, not even in my mind’s eye. I’d barely started recovering from the events of the last year, and so, I could not indulge in this chance to regress. I couldn’t become the disaster of a man I’d been toward the end of them. 

 I still didn’t know how the Rylan persona had taken over in that time. Maybe over the next few months, I could figure it out. 

 Soon enough, though, the ceremony drew my attention to it. Someone was calling me to the stage, and while the silent seconds ticked by, I watched the shukusenth, especially Talira, grow increasingly uncomfortable in their chairs. 

 “That’s right, assholes,” I said with grim satisfaction. “I’m not coming.” 

 I’d told them I wouldn’t accept recognition for my role in this catastrophe. Only Talira knew how involved Koris and I had been in a certain part of those events, but even if the rest of the shukusenth were ignorant of that, they shouldn’t bestow any honor on my other actions. The people of Lutov might be in awe of their Lokke Vitras, but most of what I tackled for them was done in the shadows. Its details must remain murky, not clearly brought into the spotlight, as the shukusenth might like. 

 And perhaps… perhaps I wasn’t ready for other people to see those deeds. Soon, maybe I’d shine a light into those dark places but not yet. 

 Eventually, my lack of presence got too awkward, and Talira stood to accept recognition in my stead. She made a pretty speech about the sacrifices of the Lokke Vitras and how worthy of a successor I’d been and blah, blah, blah. I hardly paid attention to it. 

 Talira might still be on my shit list. Just a little. 

 When the ceremony ended, Feena lowered her hand, grabbing the railing so she could lean back. 

 Peering at the sky, she said, “Well, that was painful. Well done, Zae.” 

 “We shouldn’t have focused so much attention on the gory details of what happened. It’s a mockery of those who died,” I said. “Yes, we should mourn those who are gone, but we should also honor them by changing our ways. We should make sure something like this never happens again but no. Apparently, that’s asking for too much.” 

 Feena swayed away from me— 

 “Whoa. Grouch much?” 

 —before lunging forward to hug me. 

 “It’ll be ok, Zae,” she said. “This trial is over, and for a while, we’ll have peace. You should enjoy it while it lasts.” 

 Much as I wanted to bite my sister’s head off for going cryptic again, she’d had a good point. 

 So, slumping, I said, “I’ll try.” 

 “Great!” 

 Slapping my back, Feena pulled away, and I groaned at the mischief on her face. Apparently, it was time to address the reason I’d been avoiding her for days. 

 “Mom and dad want to know when you’ll talk to Leski,” she said. “Seems that girl’s finally gotten moody enough to bother them.” 

 Yep, that was what I’d thought. 

 “I’m sorry about that, but I don’t think we should talk quite yet,” I said. “Out of this whole mess, I have one more hurdle to cross, and I can’t fix things with Leski until it’s over.” 

 With her face softening, Feena said, “You mean the Dispersal?” 

 When I nodded, she sighed. 

 “Ok,” she said. “I’ll let mom and dad know.” 

 Needing to change the subject, I asked, “How’s Baely?” 

 “Fine. Beautiful. Missing her per,” Feena said. “She’s started seeing some girl from a House Drav family.” 

 That caught my attention. 

 “Really?” I said. “Looks like I’ll have to resolve things with Leski more quickly than I’d like. I’d hate to miss my daughter’s first foray into romance.” 

 Snorting, Feena punched my shoulder. 

 “Don’t push yourself. From what I can tell, they’re taking things slow.” 

 As they should. 

 But then, Feen wrapped me in a side hug, and we spent quite a while watching air traffic buzz around Xygek’s towers. When my sister eventually stirred from her reverie, she squeezed me before dismounting the railing. 

 “I’ve got to go.” 

 Before she disappeared through the roof’s door to a stairwell, though, she glanced back at me. 

 “Will you be ok, Zae?” she called. “I know it’s been a rough year but…” 

 She didn’t finish that thought. It was a good question, though. 

 After everything that had happened, things felt different for me now. I understood the full meaning of the Lokke Vitras role, including what it was at its heights and its most sordid moments. I understood how much it was harming… well, everyone. I understood exactly how difficult my dream of gaining freedom from the House system, both for myself and Lutov, would be. 

 I was no longer certain about whether I’d ever achieve that goal. 

 That didn’t mean I’d stop trying, though. So, I put on my best smile for my sister and said. 

 “Don’t worry, Feena. Whatever comes my way, I’ll always be fine in the end.”

Chapter 90: Resolution with Them
When it came to Damari’s formal Dispersal, their sister had been exceedingly kind to me. She’d delayed it for months, all to accommodate my busy schedule, because she knew how badly I needed to be here. So, on arriving to it, I found Misah, leaving Korix trailing behind me, and once I'd reached her, I deeply bowed. 

 “Thank you for how long you’ve waited,” I said. “I am in your debt.” 

 The last year might have been mostly hell, but it had come with one, significant improvement. As I did something so far outside the bounds of Korix’s view about the Lokke Vitras role, I didn’t hear him click his tongue behind me, and his newfound faith in me warmed my heart. 

 That same faith couldn’t be found in Misah. She dubiously eyed me as I rose from my bow. 

 “It was no trouble. Really,” she said. “Damari would have wanted it.” 

 And although I’d love to reject this idea out of pure self-hatred, I couldn’t, not when I knew it to be true. 

 “Still. I feel as if I owe you a debt, and I would like to repay it now, if you don’t mind,” I said. “I have certain beliefs about owing anyone favors.” 

 “That’s an understatement,” Korix said at my back. 

 Misah and I ignored him. 

 Shrugging at me, she said, “Whatever makes you comfortable, Lokke Vitras, but it truly wasn’t any trouble.” 

 “I’m glad to hear it,” I said. “In that case, I would like to formally adopt you into my family, if you’re amenable to it. By that, I mean the family I’ve chosen, not the one that I hold with shukusen Talira and my parents. Much as it pains me to say, you have no immediate family left, although you certainly have a lot of friends.” 

 Pausing, I looked over the multitude of strangers around us, most of whom were here to support Misah. Damari certainly hadn’t had this many people in their life, preferring to keep their company with only a select few. 

 “I don’t mean to patronize you with this offer. From what I’ve seen, you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself,” I continued, “but this is the only way I can repay my debt to you at the moment. Plus, Damari…” 

 Breaking off, I bit my lip, wondering if I should share this fact with my friend’s sister. 

 Once I’d decided, I said, “Before they died, your sibling asked me to take care of you, and I’d like to honor that wish.” 

 Thank Mother Time, Misah didn’t look flustered by my offer, like I’d thought she might. After a moment’s consideration, she dipped into a shallow bow. 

 “Then, I am honored to accept.” 

 Straightening, Misah extended a hand toward the gathering. 

 “Be welcome to this Dispersal, cousin Zaeden. Please, share your stories of the deceased, so that when we join them in the Collective, we may know them better. 

 She’d delivered that formal greeting well, unhindered by emotion, but that shouldn’t have surprised me. Unlike with me, she’d had months to grieve. 

 Returning her bow, I said, ‘Thank you, cousin Misah. I look forward to hearing your stories as well.” 

 Because that was what a Dispersal was. For hours, those of us who’d known Damari swapped tales of the time we’d had with them, and as the sun approached the horizon, we gathered around Misah. She was holding a small cask filled with ashes, the remnant that I could find in a burnt-out strike ship. 

 Korix had not been happy about me returning to that place, especially alone. It had been one of the few times I’d disregarded his feelings about something. I’d be damned if I was going to leave my friend in the Tainted Lands, and the proof of my dedication was found in Misah’s arms now. 

 We were fortunate for this Dispersal. As Misah readied to scatter the ashes, a breeze, blowing away from the group, whooshed through us, and it quickly carried a cloud of my friend into the sunset. It was a beautifully poignant scene, all told, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit that at the sight, a few tears broke free of my control. 

 Then, it was over, and while other people left or made further plans, Korix and I looked for the two people we’d been avoiding to this point. We found them on the outskirts of the gathering, and when they saw us coming, they turned to lead us deeper into the surrounding planes, although Baely graced us with a brilliant smile first. 

 How I loved my daughter. 

 Once we were far enough away, we stopped, forming a circle without a word. We’d had plenty of meetings like this before, although in the past, the subject matter we’d discussed had never been quite as heavy as what we must cover today. 

 After a moment, Korix lifted a finger from his crossed arms. 

 “I’ll go first, but that’s only because my issues won’t be nearly as difficult to handle as yours,” he said. “So, first. Personal problems. Obviously, I’m struggling with the loss of loved ones, the same as everyone else.” 

 True. Even if we didn’t count Damari, he’d lost Sanya, whether she was alive or not. In either case, the two siblings could never have contact again. 

 “Grieving the dead is always a long and arduous process, and everyone has a different path on that journey,” Korix said. “I know it will be particularly difficult for you, Baely.” 

 Tearing up, my daughter hugged their elbows. 

 “I miss Auncle Damari,” they said in a small voice. 

 How I longed to hug them and tell them that eventually, things would get better, but Leski got there first. Considering how strained our relationship was right now, I wasn’t sure how comfortable she’d be with physical contact from me, so I kept my distance. 

 “I’m here, whenever you’re ready to talk,” my wife told Baely. 

 And oh! Her use of ‘I’ instead of ‘we’ hurt. 

 With a sniff, Baely waved at Korix. 

 “Sorry, dad,” she said. “You were saying?” 

 “You don’t have to apologize, sweetie,” Korix said, “but I will continue so we can get my issues out of the way. You can go next, if you like.” 

 With a small smile, Baely said, “Sounds good.” 

 And the ball was returned to Korix. 

 “Besides what I’ve already said, my only other problem is lingering guilt, something I… can’t… handle anymore,” he said before shaking himself. 

 I couldn’t blame him for that, though. I knew how difficult admitting a weakness could be. 

 “Because of that, I’ve decided that save for special circumstances, I won’t do missions for Kolb anymore,” Korix said. “It’s not good for me.” 

 “I could have told you that,” I said under my breath. 

 Korix shot a glare at me, but otherwise, he ignored what I’d said. 

 “Interpersonally, between us? My concerns will soon be addressed, I’m sure,” he said, glancing at me. “So, Baely? What have you got for us, sweetie?” 

 Claiming all of their parents’ attention at once usually discomfited Baely, at least at first, and this was seen in how they were shuffling in place now. 

 “Maybe I’ll sound a bit too knowledgeable about this, but I think I’m having an existential crisis right now? Maybe?” they said with a wince. “The last few months have taught me a lot about death and how much danger exists in the world. I don’t like knowing how easily the gift of life can be taken away.”  

 And I hated that. I’d known my daughter’s loss of innocence would start soon, but that didn’t mean I’d been looking forward to it. 

 “I’m also having a hard time with fitting my previously held images of you, as my parents, with what I know about you now. Even you, mom,” Baely said. “Please, don’t go all self-hating because I said that. I still love you, more than I can say. I’m simply struggling with the realization that you’re not perfect. You’re just as human as me or anyone else in the world.” 

 Look at that. My daughter was growing up and doing it well. Also, how glad was I that she’d added that bit about not feeling guilty? She knew us well. 

 “Lastly…” 

 Here, Baely went nervous again, darting their gaze between us. 

 “I’m worried about you three. Are you… ok? Or… or are you separating or-?” 

 They cut off, shaking their head. 

 “Don’t answer that. Not yet,” they said. “I only said something because the question’s been eating at me.” 

 And we’d get around to answering it as soon as the first part of our meeting was done. Honestly? I was worried about it too. 

 “But that’s all for me,” Baely said while flushing. “Who’s next?” 

 I caught Leski’s eye, raising an eyebrow, but when she glared at me, I sighed. 

 “I’m dealing with too many personal problems to count right now, but they all boil down to the fact that I’m tired,” I said. “A few weeks of peace will solve most of those issues, though, and unless some new crisis erupts, we’re due for something like that. In other words? Don’t worry about me. As for problems between us…” 

 How did I express how terrified I was of what was happening in my family? 

 “I’ve made a lot of mistakes recently, and it’s caused all of you far too much distress. I’m sorry for that,” I said. “I know things have changed between us, possibly in an irrevocable way, but still, I want you to know that I will do whatever I must to repair things between us.” 

 At that, Korix simply sighed, but of course he did. Considering how often I’d already apologized to my family, he’d told me that he thought my regret was a bit overkill.  

 He didn’t understand, though. Sure, I’d resolved to take care of more than them alone, but even still, my loved ones were everything to me. Maintaining their wellbeing was an integral part of who I was, and I’d failed them. 

 “I have nothing else, though,” I say. “So… Leski?” 

 Even with the prompt, my wife remained silent, taking forever to gather her thoughts. When she opened her mouth, I was  about ready to weep. 

 “All of my problems are interpersonal in nature,” she said. “I’m fucking furious with you, Ko and Zae, for what you did. You know what I’m talking about.” 

 She paused to jab a finger toward us, and while Baely looked on with mystification, my heart fell through my feet. I’d been right. Things were over between us. 

 “But I also understand it, or I understand it enough to set it aside. I have to if we’re to move forward,” Leski continued. “Considering that, there’s no point in dwelling on the past.” 

 Or… not? Maybe? 

 “I’m also miffed by how little you’ve been communicating with me since I left, Zae,” Leski said. “I know it’s what you do. You like to give the wronged party space, which is wise, but for this long? Really?” 

 She was looking at me as if expecting an answer. 

 So, in the quietest and meekest voice I could muster, I said, “I’m sorry.” 

 With her nose wrinkling, Leski waved away the apology as if it were nothing. 

 “We’ll see how sorry you are over the next few months,” she said, “but none of that is my biggest issue at the moment. No, that’s… well. I suppose it’s actually a personal problem, despite what I said.” 

 Biting her lip, she looked away before taking a deep breath. 

 “I feel left out.” 

 She met Korix’s eyes and mine in sequence. 

 “I know that what I have with you will never match what’s between you, separately,” she said. “You two have a bond that goes deeper than marriage or the love that we share for one another, and most of the time, I’m fine with that. But I do feel left out, as I said. I think… I don’t know. I suppose I could use more reminders that you’re as committed to me as you are toward each other, going forward at least.” 

 I’d had no idea she’d felt that way. 

 “We can do that,” Korix said. 

 I nodded my own agreement, even as I added. 

 “Does that mean you’re staying?” 

 With a strangled cry, Leski reached for me, which I naturally stepped away from. 

 “Of course I’m staying, you insecure moron,” she shouted. “Over one hundred fucking years I’ve stuck with you, through so many trials, and you still question that? You have serious trust issues, you know.” 

 Shit. Seemed like I’d touched on a nerve. 

 Licking my lips, I said, “I’ll… readily admit to that.” 

 “Don’t get on his case too much, love,” Korix said. “It’s at least partially my fault.” 

 This only made Leski glare at him, but Baely, on the other hand, burst into laughter. 

 “Sorry,” she gasped after a moment. “It’s just… I never had anything to worry about, did I? You three will be fine.” 

 “Yes, honey, we will be,” Leski said before eyeing me and Korix. “In time, we will.” 

 But she spread her arms, and my family took the cue. We fell on each other, enjoying this release of the tension between us, and I never wanted to let them go. This? How they healed me? It was why I insisted on keeping them in my life, despite any additional trouble that having relationships might bring. 

 Eventually, though, we broke apart, moving onto the second part of these types of meetings. 

 “How can mom and I help you, dad?” my daughter asked. 

 Korix started answering them, but I was too stuck watching the three of them to listen. This was my family, always there for one another. Always fighting to work through our problems so we could be happy together. This was me, loving them with all of my heart. This was us, and for that, there was no addition needed. We were unique and special, if only to each other, and we needed nothing else. 

 This was us. Let it always be enough.

Addendum
I’m sorry if that got too sappy for you at the end, Elliot, but I need you to understand this part of my life. I need you to know how important they are to me, much like you are as well. Plus, I can’t help but dwell on the sparse gems of happiness scattered across my life. Who wouldn’t clutch things like that to themselves? 

 I know this part of my story was a lot. I know that some of it has probably been difficult for you. If you’ve stuck with me to this point, thank you. It’s more than I deserve. And if you’ve found a way to look past my origins to focus on the man it made me… that’s more than I could ever hope for. 

 At this point, I meant to move onto our story, Elliot, but something… 

 I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like my attention’s been drawn to a previously buried set of memories or… something. I have yet to decide if I’ll share those with you. Perhaps I should, but at the least, I need to take a break first. I have to check on you, make sure you’re still asleep. Mother Time, your nightmares have gotten so much worse lately… 

 But once I’ve done that, I’ll return, and when you’re ready, we can continue into the next chapter of my life, whatever it will be.