# Of Fire, Blood, and Ash *Fully Uploaded*

# Content Warnings

I've done my best to include as many content warnings as I can here, but I can't guarantee that I've caught all of them. As always when reading a novel that covers heavier topics, please keep your mental health in mind!

- death of a loved one and grief
- references to past trafficking trauma with brief, non-graphic flashbacks
- way too many self-sacrificing tendencies
- descriptions of one character's drawn-out death

# Chapter One

An empire only stands as strong as its leader. The one above the many, the god of the masses, he must show strength in conviction, inflexibility in decisions, and ruthlessness in execution. This is known.

Weakness kills as surely as a disease. Like a rotten limb of the body, it requires excision at the moment of its discovery. If no one stands ready to perform the removal, one must do it to oneself, preventing the disease from spreading. This also is known.

These facts encompassed the reason for my current conflict.

I watched the last of today’s condemned slink toward the emperor, on his throne. The scrape of his dragging feet were loud in the audience chamber’s quiet. Despite his fists, clenched in cloth, at his sides and his slow shuffle, the man carried himself well, an accomplishment he should take pride in. Stopping halfway across the smoke-filled chamber, the condemned sank to his knees with dozens of glittering eyes weighing his chin to his chest.

Lifting his hands above his head, he began.

“Oh, most magnanimous one. Blessed of earth and fire…”

The words swirled through my head unnoticed, a greeting full of empty compliments I’d heard countless times before. I should be using this time to scan the condemned for signs of ill intent or weapons, missed by the royal guard, but as I had for the last week, I fixed my gaze on Nokoribi instead.

Obscured by gauzy cloth, my friend was hunched on his throne, resting his elbows on his knees with his fingers steepled in front of his face. As he had for the last week, he listened to the condemned’s flattery as if it meant something. As he had for the last week, he waited once the condemned had fallen silent, as if listening to something unheard. As he had since *it.*

“Step forward, my child,” Nokoribi said. “I would hear your pleas. Let us decide, together, whether the earth finds you worthy to walk upon it.”

These words, a meaningless repetition much like the condemned’s greeting, jerked me back to my duty. I was not to watch Hiyuki’s Blessed Emperor with suspicion. Others deserved that inspection.

For now.

With his head bowed and his hands raised in supplication, the condemned approached the throne on his knees. Nothing about the man seemed threatening, and yet, I brushed the trigger of the pistol at the small of my back.

At the first step leading to the throne, the condemned pressed his forehead to diamond-plated steel, grazing his fingers along the scarlet organdy on all sides. When he drew breath to speak, the silence in the audience chamber burst as the gears above ground to life. While a distant bell chimed the hour, earth’s blood oozed into the channels on either side of the room with heat and light flaring.

As the noise faded, the condemned’s fingers were left trembling, and admiration once purred through me.

*Good timing, ‘ribi.*

“You were about to speak, my child?” Nokoribi said.

“Forgive me, most blessed,” the condemned stammered. “I find my thoughts scattered. I-”

Cutting his hand through the air, Nokoribi said, “I have no time to hear your excuses. State your case, or earth and fire shall make a meal of you today.”

“Of course. I’m sorry. I just-”

Taking a deep breath, the condemned dared to raise his eyes.

“I have no excuse for what I did, most blessed,” he said. “My family is starving. If I hadn’t skimmed rations from my foreman’s stash, my wife and daughter would have wasted away to nothing. They may not have the strength that the earth requires from the living, but they’re mine, and I love them. I couldn’t let them die.”

Weakness! My fingers twitched on my pistol, and I nearly drew it unprompted. I had to cut out the disease before it spread! If this infection went too far, the Hiyukian Empire would collapse beneath the strain of it.

The condemned must have realized this because he returned his forehead to the metal beneath him, scrunching his arms closer to his body.

“But you are most blessed,” he said. “Let earth and fire determine my worth.”

As Nokoribi examined the man, lying prostrate before him, silence reigned with only hissing steam to break it. Eventually, he lowered his hands to the throne’s arms while leaning back.

“Four years in the steamworks,” he pronounced. “I see no fuel laid before me this day, only tarnished steel in need of polishing.”

But… feeding this man to the fire was what he deserved. It was what the law *required,* and the emperor must uphold the law. Murmurs in the audience chamber echoed my confusion, but the relief that the condemned should have shown at his emperor’s decision failed to present itself. In fact, he’d tensed and-

In a blur, the condemned leapt for Nokoribi. Just as quickly, I’d drawn my pistol, but as I leveled it, I didn’t know who I was aiming at.

An explosion ripped through the air, and the condemned’s body jerked with half of his neck gone. The only things holding him aloft were Nokoribi’s finger on his chin and the hand around his raised wrist.

A wrist with a knife lifted above it.

The emperor dropped the body, but not before I noted a blackened splotch on it, spreading from my friend’s touch, or the ash flying from it as it collapsed. Nokoribi glanced at me with a frown ghosting over his face, and only then did I lower my pistol.

“How exciting!” he said. “A nice finale for today’s events. Who sent this one before me? I must make my thanks!”

Around the audience chamber, the guilds' various chairmen shifted in place. When not one of them spoke up, Nokoribi waved them off with a laugh.

“No matter. We can discuss it alongside policy later,” he said. “In the meantime, I have other claimants of my time. Leave me.”

As it had for the condemned’s supplication, silence accompanied the guild chairmen’s file out of the audience chamber: Nokoribi’s unspoken enemies fleeing from him. My friend only kicked at the corpse once we were the only two people left in the room.

“They’ve gotten bold recently,” he said under his breath.

*Maybe because of what happened last week.*

The words curled in my head, but I refused to let them loose. Until the emperor said otherwise, I’d play my part.

Twisting in his throne, Nokoribi rested his elbows on its armrest, cupping his chin.

“You let me touch him this time, K,” he said. “Dare I suggest that you’ve fallen down on the job?”

“A bodyguard’s job is to protect your blessed personage, my emperor,” I said. “Nowhere does it say how soon I must fulfill that task.”

Nokoribi winced.

“Stop it,” he said. “You shouldn’t treat me like some sacred being, manifested by the earth. I get that enough from everyone else.”

“Fine.”

Striding through the scarlet film of the cloth surrounding the throne, I pressed my fingers into the failed assassin’s withered jaw. Starting at his chin, wrinkles were spreading from his quickly disintegrating flesh, skin and bone crumbling into powder.

“Why did he get so close?” Nokoribi asked.

Leaning out of the throne, he trailed the back of his hand along the assassin’s chin, but he kept his eyes fixed on me.

How should I answer that question? Could I tell my only friend that I thought weakness lay in him? Could I share that I daily considered excising that weakness from Hiyuki, even if it would mean forfeiting my life too? Could I say that these thoughts had been lingering since last week?

Better to save it until I knew whether Nokoribi was infected.

“I got distracted,” I said. “It won’t happen again.”

Nokoribi narrowed his eyes at me, letting them scream his disbelief, but he said not a word. Instead, he turned his blazing gaze away, and while I breathed a sigh of relief, my friend rose from his throne, stretching.

“We have an hour or so before I'll have to listen to the guild chairs fake groveling again,” he said. “Shall we visit the garden until then?”

The garden. Where *it* had happened.

“I don’t get much choice in the matter, do I?” I said. “As your bodyguard, I’m tied to you, wherever you go.”

“Like that’s stopped you from expressing an opinion before.”

Stepping over the assassin’s body, Nokoribi headed for the concealed door at the back of the audience chamber, the one he made his ‘miraculous’ appearance through every day. As we clanked down the empty corridors behind it, I tried to focus, keeping my eyes open for threats, but they kept returning to the mop of curly, black hair, bouncing in front of me.

After what I’d seen last week, I should press my pistol into those long locks. I should whip my ceremonial sword to rest against Nokoribi’s throat before pressing and dragging it to the side, but… I couldn’t. What I’d seen… I couldn’t say whether it had been weakness, not for sure, and I wouldn’t kill the Blessed Emperor of Hiyuki, *my best friend,* unless I *knew.*

So, I followed him to the palace’s garden, ignoring the questions nibbling at me.

This place, in all of Hiyuki, made the last claim to natural greenery. Plants existed elsewhere, of course, but over the years, they’d taken on a chitinous appearance, something more adapted to the realm’s volcanic landscape.

Here, delicate leaves waved in the breezy with waxy greens and diaphanous pinks dotting twigs and branches. A mass of wealth was displayed here, solely for pleasure, but why shouldn’t that be so? Its creator was striding within it.

Wherever Nokoribi walked, the garden took a deep breath, as if inhaling his presence gave them life. Drooping vines straightened. Wilting flowers regained their color. Yellowing leaves stiffened with green. Nature took respite from the sulfurous air around it.

Every time I joined my friend here, I fought to contain my awe, watching for threats in the matted trees and brush instead. Every time, the wonder of it distracted me in one way or another, but after last week, I’d resolved to never let that happen again.

With unnerving precision, Nokoribi led us to where *it* had happened, and here, he folded to the ground, gesturing for me to join him. Did he know what I'd been considering since last week?

My heart felt heavy as I sat, tucking my legs under me, but rather than voicing an accusation about my possible suspicions, my friend fell back into the grass. Digging his fingers into the soil, he ripped fistfuls of dirt free, lifting them so the granules sprinkled on his face.

“Why do I keep doing this?” he said. “To my people, I’m a figurehead, useless unless they’re condemned, and for what? Despite what I was promised, our world has yet to heal. I should stop pretending. I should...”

I listened without judgment. Every leader must have one person they could express their doubts to, and I served in that capacity for Nokoribi. When those doubts became manifest, however…

That was when they became a problem.

“I’m sorry, K. I shouldn’t say these things to you,” Nokoribi eventually sighed, as he always did.

“I don’t mind,” I said.

I was only half-listening anyway. Moving my head on a swivel, I kept my eyes roving. The last time I'd relaxed while here, *it* had happened. The last time I'd let myself be solely a friend…

*A woman drops out of a tree, rolling to a stop over Nokoribi. I’m lying on the ground beside my friend with no way to reach my weapons in time, no way to throw myself in front of the blade.*

*Nokoribi gasps, scrabbling in the dirt, but unlike me, his distress sends vines toward the woman, and within seconds, they're holding her in a tight embrace. They stop her dagger’s plunge a breath from his flesh.*

*I’m used to impossibilities like this from him. After all, Nokoribi is blessed by earth and fire, but my inability to protect him is an anomaly. As I spring off the ground, I yank my pistol out of its holster on my back, pivoting it toward the assassin-*

*“Stop!”*

*The command freezes me and subsequently, my weapon’s swing, bringing its muzzle as close to the woman as her strike had come to my friend. He’s finagled himself from beneath that blade, kneeling beside her dangling form, and all the while, my gun strokes her skin with each of her inhales.*

*“Why?” Nokoribi asks.*

*For a long while, the woman says nothing, flicking her eyes over our surroundings. Looking for an advantage, no doubt.*

*“You know why,” she eventually gasps.*

*An answer like that would normally enrage my friend. This time, it makes him droop. He draws breath to speak her death, but something makes him hesitate.*

*“Whose side?” he asks.*

*“THEIRS,” the woman hisses.*

*Nokoribi squeezes his fiery eyes closed, digging the heels of his palms into them.*

*“You tried to kill me,” he whispers. “I should kill you, no matter that I’ve switched sides. The illusion of strength…”*

*He sighs, and the vines around the woman loosen. She collapses, skittering backward. Really, she should simply flee this place, but when foliage eventually brushes her shoulders, she pauses, glancing back.*

*“Leave!” Nokoribi growls.*

*She blends into the green brush around her, disappearing as if she never existed.*

He let an enemy live. For our empire's leader, that was the definition of weakness, and Nokoribi had displayed the symptom.

It didn’t make sense. I’d known my friend since we were children, from before earth and fire had chosen him. Nokoribi had always been the toughest, strongest kid in our channel, and that spirit had carried over into his reign. What had changed?

Beside me, Nokoribi grumbled, “You’ll sit there, brooding, the whole time we’re here, won’t you?”

“Sorry, ‘ribi,” I said. “I have a lot on my mind.”

I swept my eyes over the trees, listening for aberrant noises. I wouldn’t give my friend the chance to display weakness again.

With a groan, Nokoribi sat up.

“You’re the worst person to meditate with,” he said. “Since you refuse to relax, I’ll have to find a task to drown out the roar of your worry, but that should be easy enough. They pile up so quickly.”

Climbing to his feet, he brushed dirt off his clothing and on noting me already standing, rolled his eyes.

“That sense of duty,” he breathed before once more walking through the garden.

Following my friend, Hiyuki’s Blessed Emperor, into the palace, I wondered if I’d have to kill him.

# Chapter Two

No one enjoyed policy meetings, but then, who could? Everyone in the room knew that these proceedings were a farce. No matter what happened here, the well-oiled machinery of Hiyuki’s governance would tick on, but tradition required that these weekly gatherings take place, and the total *waste of time* they’d become infuriated me.

Or perhaps that was the man who was speaking.

“Productivity in Takanai’s east produce sector is down another two percent,” Guild Chair Arita was saying. “We should cut rations if we don’t want another food scare.”

“And cutting rations won’t do the same thing?” Nokoribi asked.

He was inspecting his fingernails as if the man who chaired Hiyuki’s largest agriculture guild didn’t deserve the honor of his gaze, and as usual, Arita’s cheeks flooded with the red that his tarnished eyes could use.

“The people expect ration cuts, oh must blessed,” he said. “If we run out of food, however…”

I stopped paying attention. Arita would continue with ‘suggesting’ a way to fix his supposed crisis. Nokoribi would continue making comments on it, but despite his emperor’s proposed changes to his plan, the guild chairman would only do what he wanted because who could force him to do otherwise? The emperor most blessed?

If only that were so. Maybe before the guilds’ rise…

That time lay centuries in the past, though. In the present day, Nokoribi held absolute power in one area alone. I didn’t fully understand the specifics of that task, only when it happened, and no one was calling for it now.

So, Arita and Nokoribi exchanged barbs as if they mattered, and I did my job.

The primary threat, as always, came from them: the guild chairs, lounging around a net-draped table. Wearing vests and knee-length jackets, glistening with embroidery, they made up the throne’s opposition, even if no one ever spoke such things aloud. If Nokoribi were no longer required to soothe the beast we walked upon, the guild chairmen wouldn’t hesitate to remove him from office before destroying the remnants of Hiyuki’s monarchy.

For today, however, they were content with the status quo. Most of them listened to the discussion with glazed eyes, but some had plunged into their books or ledgers, ignoring the honor given to them until their turn came to fake humility and obeisance. None displayed signs of hidden violence, and even if they did, they weren’t much of a threat right now.

After the assassination attempt earlier today, each of the guild chairs has been thoroughly searched before attending this meeting. The only weapons they’d been allowed were the walking canes that had recently come into fashion, and I could easily counter those.

Even if they’d decided to attack, the attempt would have been tantamount to suicide.

Standing beside the earth’s blood channels that lined the room, the royal guardsmen were watching for disturbances. With their leather boots and crimson tunics, they might not look impressive, but anyone smart enough to look past the surface would know differently. Even with solely ceremonial swords at their sides, Nokoribi’s royal guard carried a reputation for cool and precise elimination of threats.

And preparedness. Even in the palace, where one needn’t worry about air quality, the royal guard wore their bubbles, hiding the translucent film over their mouths with their tunics’ collars. Only its coiled metal attachment, rising to wrap around their ears, peeked above ribbed cloth. On the rare chance that a dissident breached the palace’s self-contained atmosphere, the guard could face the threat in an instant, having no need to wait for their emergency bubbles to inflate.

“-steamworks-”

The word caught my attention like an ornithopter would with a breeze. Guild Chair Sunada had replaced Arita on the open floor.

As she was the first woman to have taken over a guild’s leadership, I’d spent far too long investigating her years ago, especially after I’d learned that she bore the coal eyes of the downtrodden. In my many weeks of poring over her background and activities, I’d found not a single item worthy of suspicion, but I couldn’t help the itch to hold a weapon whenever she spoke.

It didn’t help that she served as the chairman for Takanai’s steamworks guild. The infrastructure under Hiyuki’s capital city transformed earth’s blood into steam, providing energy for its citizens, and because of that, it rivaled the agriculture guilds in importance. Even still, those who operated the steamworks were treated as nothing more than dogs.

Or rather, that had been the case until a few months ago, when Nokoribi had once more taken an interest in them. That spark of interest had heralded the moment that I believed my friend had contracted the disease of weakness.

“Upon your suggestion, most blessed, I’ve added ropes and harnesses to the places most heavily concerned with handling earth’s blood,” Sunada said, “and while it has prevented a few accidents, I haven’t seen an increase in productivity, as you proposed might occur from lightened morale. All I’ve seen is a cut in my guild’s profits, which is unacceptable.”

Sighing, Nokoribi said, “It’s only been a month. Did you expect your steam rats to believe their chairwoman suddenly cares in such a short time?”

To her credit, Sunada at least *tried* to appear chagrined at that.

“Forgive me, most blessed,” she said, “but I expected to see something I could use to justify the changes to the rest of my guild. Lessened productivity is the opposite of what I needed. Given that, I plan to return to the old ways soon, although I thank you for your suggestions.”

As she fell silent, I noted a tic starting at the corner of my friend’s mouth. I saw his shoulders drawing together and groaned under my breath.

With great deliberation, Nokoribi stood, pressing his fingertips into the tabletop.

“Funds, budgets, profits. Is that all these policy meetings are to you?” he breathed. “What about the people? When did the guild chairs… when did *I* stop caring about people’s lives? People who trust us…”

With his voice strangled, Nokoribi curled his hands until his knuckles were resting on the table’s metal surface.

“Get out,” he said. “I… require time to consider today’s propositions.”

The guild chairs exchanged glances until one of them cleared his throat.

“But most blessed, we haven’t-”

“GET OUT!” Nokoribi roared.

As he shot his head up, the entire room, me included, flinched from the flames dancing in his crimson eyes.

“Get out of my sight before I give Them a moment of freedom!” he shouted.

There was that mysterious 'Them' again, the mention of which always prompted fear in everyone who heard it. I still didn't know exactly who or what 'They' were, mostly because I didn't much care to find out. All I needed to know was that mentioning 'Them' was a sufficient threat to stop the guild chairmen's protests.

Hastily gathering ledgers and pens, the guilds' chairmen filed out of the room, and I signaled for the royal guard to follow them. They’d keep an eye on the enemy until this outburst had cooled.

Once the last of them had disappeared behind a closing door, Nokoribi hurled his chair to clatter along the table’s length. He pressed one hand to his eyes, so hard that I worried they might pop, and curled the other into a fist, battering at the side of his head.

“Shut up!” he hissed. “Shut up, shut up, *shut up!”*

I watched this, holding my pistol’s grip. I’d never seen my friend so unstable before. Was it a progression of his disease? Or was it simply frustration: him banishing the guild chairs before they could see it?

With a final cry, Nokoribi lowered his hands to his sides, and the snarl on his lips returned to a neutral line.

“Sorry, K,” he said. “They get so loud sometimes and I-”

He shook his head.

“I’ve needed to commune with the earth for a while. I’ve meant to do it but…”

He cocked his head as if listening, and I rushed to fill my expected role.

“You’ve been busy,” I said.

“Busy,” Nokoribi said, drawing the word out. “Yes.”

While he watched, I collected the thrown chair, righting it in its relegated place. Setting my feet shoulder-width apart, I folded my arms behind my back.

“My emperor, where shall we go next?” I asked.

Nokoribi hid his eyes.

“I keep telling you to stop that,” he said. “We’re alone. You can treat me like your rebellious minion, like you did when we were kids.”

“Forgive me, but I cannot,” I said. “I’ll relax to a degree when we’re alone, but ‘ribi, those kids? They died when earth and fire chose you.”

For a moment, Nokoribi crumpled on himself, but when he took a deep breath, he expanded again.

“Fine,” he breathed before clearing his throat and trying again. “Fine. I have somewhere to be, but we’ll need new outfits first.”

Today’s meeting had taken place not far from the emperor’s bedroom. When we arrived there, Nokoribi waved off the servants who came to attend him. He moved through the organza hanging around the room, wading through pillows until he reached his bed.

Kneeling, he reached under it to withdraw a chest, and after rummaging in it for a bit, he tossed a bundle of wadded clothing at me.

“Change,” he said.

Unfurling a buttoned-up shirt, suspenders, and plaid pants, I groaned.

“This again?”

“K. Change,” Nokoribi said.

Mumbling curses under my breath, I undressed.

While I might serve as the commander of the royal guard, I wore a different uniform from them, all part of my duties as Nokoribi’s bodyguard. My clothing was more akin to what the guild chairs wore, but it came with three differentiations.

For one, a cloak was always hanging from one of my shoulders, and as I removed its heavy cloth, I rolled sore muscles. The metal fibers woven into its cloth had kept me alive through numerous assassination attempts, but at the end of the day, taking it off always came as a relief.

The second piece was my mask. Removing it left me feeling vulnerable. Sure, its monster-like appearance had been molded to my face, which usually gave assassins a split-second pause, but it also hid the one feature I most hated about myself.

Black painted Sunada’s eyes, and people derided her, despite her status as a guild’s chairman. Rust tinged Arita’s, and most citizens ignored him. Rubies, set aflame, had replaced Nokoribi’s, and he was the emperor.

My eyes were cherry red. No, that description didn’t quite cover it. If someone took freshly spilled blood, mixed it with scarlet, and infused it with fire’s luster, the resulting color would match the shade of my eyes. They *hurt* to view, and often times when I was unmasked around the emperor, people mistook me for him.

I *hated* that. By a stroke of luck, earth and fire had chosen my friend, not me, and I needed no reminders that it probably should have gone the other way.

My pants, vest, and shirt hid the mask from view, and I reluctantly removed my last concession as Nokoribi’s bodyguard: my pistol.

Except in times of war, I was the only person who was legally allowed to carry this fantastic weapon. Others owned one, of course, getting their hands on the weapon through the black market, but severe punishment lay in wait for anyone found with a pistol in their possession. Such people were fed to fire with no period served as a condemned and no appeal made to the emperor. They were merely doused in earth’s blood, usually shrieking all the while.

I never took this privilege for granted. The gun, hanging at my back, reminded me of my responsibilities. As the emperor’s bodyguard, I was to protect his blessed personage from harm, both that of the physical and of weakness, and if I detected disease in him…

With my fingers twitching, I watched my friend button his shirt, and once he was finished, Nokoribi twirled to face me.

“What do you think?” he asked.

Rolling my eyes, I said, “I think we’re missing a few things.”

“Oh, right.”

After once more digging through the chest at the foot of his bed, Nokoribi tossed said items my way, and I hung a bubble over my nose and mouth while perching darkened spectacles on my nose.

Once he’d followed my example, Nokoribi said, “Better?”

“Much,” I said. “I don't know why you insist on these disguises. You know that people will see through them, right?”

“Of course they will, but they’ll *pretend* that they haven’t noticed us,” Nokoribi said. “That’s what Hiyuki values the most, right? Ignorance of all things strange?”

With a sigh, I said, “You know I’ve never liked philosophy, ‘ribi.”

“Too true,” Nokoribi said, chuckling all the while. “Well then, my faithful vassal. Shall we be off?”

Without waiting for a reply, he headed for his bedroom’s secret exit, and together, he and I snuck out of the palace.

# Chapter Three

Returning to Takanai’s confines held a particular fascination for me. From this city came the downtrodden and well-to-do. From this city had crawled an emperor and his bodyguard. From this city, an empire flourished.

Which would explain my shock every time Nokoribi dragged me out of the palace. Maybe it could also explain the memories that came with these visits.

I remembered the grime that coated every surface. I remembered the exposure to a yellow sky and poisoned air. I remembered the vibrations underfoot, produced by the steamworks.

Nokoribi’s origins. Where I’d gone to die.

I hated this city.

And I loved it.

I hated the press of the crowd, allowing potential assassins to approach us unnoticed. I loved the people with their many variations in appearance and outfit, their eye colors ranging from black to russet.

I loved the energy: merchants hawking their wares, guild members hurrying to meetings, and ornithopters gliding through the air with advertisements painted on their sails’ cloth. I loved the mystery of it, the gauzy fabric obscuring every corner, the gyrating forms hidden behind misted glass. I loved the sounds of grinding gears, chiming bells from passing cycles, and muffled conversations on hundreds of tongues. I *missed*-

Nokoribi stopped short as a band of shrieking children plowed through the crowd ahead of him. One of them tripped, sprawling in the gravel, and when the child sniffed, swiping at his face, Nokoribi offered him a hand up.

“Are you all right, little one?” he asked.

Whirling, the child slapped Nokoribi’s hand down. He hissed at us with an uncovered mouth before running after his friends.

Uncovered, meaning without a bubble. A child breathing toxicity.

As if revealed by the boy's fall, I saw the emaciated people on the street corners, begging for food. I saw the distinctive red color staining a gear as it rose from the steamworks. I heard a wail, rising from out of sight, and I *remembered*.

I hated this city.

Staring at his rejected hand, Nokoribi said, “That was us once. Sometimes, I forget. Sometimes…”

Too many eyes were watching us, motionless in the bustle as we were. Too many frowns were being etched onto faces.

Taking Nokoribi’s elbow, I guided him into an alley.

“This is why I don’t like coming here,” I said. “It’s too much of a reminder. I can’t remember my life from before I met you. If I do-”

“If I don’t visit, I forget the reason I fight,” Nokoribi interrupted, as if he hadn’t heard me. “It’s for these people. I have to free Them to free them.”

Why did my friend talk nonsense like this sometimes?

“‘ribi…” I sighed. “You said you have somewhere to be, right?”

With a blink, Nokoribi’s focus returned, and my clenched guts eased a fraction. When in Takanai’s confines, one needed one’s full faculties around them. We couldn’t indulge in… whatever that had been.

“Right,” he said. “We’re almost there. A few more streets to cross and-”

“You’re going nowhere.”

Oh, how that voice had trembled, and as I turned toward it, I noted that its owner was trembling too. The knife that the teenager was holding flashed in his unstable grip, a gleam that was shared by his oil-pitched eyes.

A scared, desperate kid, probably trying this for the first time, and he’d picked the worst possible targets.

A laugh flew out of me before I could stop it, but Nokoribi’s fingers, pinching my neck, stopped a second from joining it.

“You don’t want to do this, kid.”

The calm in Nokoribi’s voice contrasted with the teenager’s fear, and frowning, he lowered his blade a fraction.

“You haven’t broken any laws yet,” my friend continued. “Think about what you’re doing. Is what you want from us worth dying for?”

Licking his lips, the teenager said, “Just- just give me your rations, and no one gets hurt.”

With a grimace, I stepped in front of Nokoribi.

“And now, he’s broken a law,” I said.

“He’s a kid, K. Like we were,” Nokoribi whispered behind me.

“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “Only the weak turn to crime, and weakness must be excised.”

The silence at my back weighed heavy on me, but I couldn’t contemplate what it might mean. My focus was fixed on the teenager’s swaying stance and the weave of his blade, on how pathetic of a blade it was.

“Please,” the kid whimpered. “Just-”

“No. You’ll get nothing from us,” I said. “Now, either run home or fight.”

Why had I offered him a choice? I should have attacked without a word, but I hadn’t. Why?

Howling, the teenager rushed us, swinging his blade, and I sighed. Such a sloppy form.

Leaning away from the teenager’s thrust, I grabbed his shoulder and tossed him into a wall. He bounced off of it as if it were made of rubber. As he stumbled to regain his footing, a flying elbow caught me in the face, making my spectacles shatter. Only quickly closed eyes kept me from losing my vision, but because I couldn’t see, the kid landed a punch on my jaw.

That… had *hurt.*

Ripping the spectacles off my face, I caught the kid’s second fist, flying at me, before grabbing his wrist as he made a desperate stab. Twisting the knife free, I drove my forehead into the bridge of the teenager’s nose, and at his expected howl, I twirled him, trapping him between my body’s weight and the wall.

“‘ribi, I need a knife,” I panted.

When my friend stopped beside me with no steel in sight, I bit back a curse.

“Turn him to where he can see me,” Nokoribi said.

Grabbing the kid’s hair, I pulled his head off the wall, yanking it to the side. As soon as the teenager’s weeping eyes were focused on him, Nokoribi removed his spectacles, cleaning them on his shirt. When fire rose to meet the kid’s gaze, even I felt a chill from the sight, and the tears and mucus dribbling over my captive’s face increased in volume.

“Do you know who I am?” Nokoribi said.

“Please, most blessed,” the kid whimpered. “I was just hungry. I need food.”

“I care not for your plight,” Nokoribi snapped. “I care only that you’ve attacked my most sacred personage and in so doing, threatened Hiyuki’s stability. Do you know what would happen if I died with an heir yet to be found?”

The kid nodded, ripping tufts of his hair out of my fingers.

“The earth rises up, fire scours the world, earth’s blood spews into the clouds and sky,” he said, reciting an age-old school lesson.

“Hiyuki dies,” Nokoribi finished. “Do you know the punishment for attacking me?”

Hitching sobs jumbled any reply that the kid might have made, and warm liquid splashed on the pavement from beneath his pant leg.

Calmly, Nokoribi said, “I asked you a question.”

He seemed completely unaffected by the sight in front of him.

“D-death,” the kid managed to stammer.

“In whatever manner I see fit,” Nokoribi said. “Good. I’m glad you understand.”

And I waited for the command. However Nokoribi decided to dispense justice, I’d comply with it because that was my role, just as it was my friend’s role to give the order.

“Let him go,” Nokoribi said.

I kept pinning the teenager to the wall because I couldn’t have heard that right. That order…

“K. Let him go,” Nokoribi repeated.

And suddenly, someone else was controlling my body. *I* would never willingly back away from a person who’d threatened my emperor and friend. *I* would never stand with my hands like leaden weights as that person sprinted into the crowd. *I* would never turn on my friend and want to *strangle* him, but that state wasn’t because Nokoribi had just conclusively shown that he was infected.

Oh, no. I was nowhere close to considering that fact. An inferno was blazing in me that I extinguished with difficulty, but once I had, the truth hit me like that kid’s elbow had to my face.

“Weak,” I breathed, staring into coronas of fire. “That’s twice now. . Two, separate people who’ve tried to hurt you, and *you let them walk away.* I should kill you where you stand.”

My best friend. Dead by my hand. And the agonizing fate that would await me.

I couldn’t take it.

Hanging his spectacles off of his ears once more, Nokoribi said, “We’ll discuss it over dinner. For now, I have somewhere to be.”

…What?

*“What?”* I shouted as I ran after my friend.

“I have somewhere to be,” Nokoribi repeated, “and we’re almost there.”

“No, no, no,” I said.

Rounding on my friend, I spread a hand on his chest.

“I just said I should *kill you,”* I said. “You can’t-”

“And I said we’d discuss it,” Nokoribi muttered while rummaging through his pockets. “Put these on. Your eyes are drawing… well. Eyes.”

He slapped another pair of spectacles into my hand. Of course he’d had another pair on him.

Struck dumb, I numbly followed my friend for several blocks. What…? How could he be so *calm* right now?

After several minutes of this, Nokoribi spun to face me.

“Don’t get mad,” he said.

“More than I already…”

Trailing off, I realized why this street felt so familiar. I’d walked down it before. Several times. With Nokoribi.

*“Again?”* I hissed. “You’ve dragged us out of the palace’s safety for..."

I turned to the side, scrunching up my face with displeasure and disgust, before continuing.

"For *this.* Again. How many times will this visit make?”

“Over the last week? Four,” Nokoribi said. “And on each visit, a good time was had by all.”

“Except for me!” I growled. “Do you know how difficult these visits make my job? Not that you’d care!”

Huffing, I threw my hands over my head.

“Why come all the way out here for this?” I asked. “You could have whatever and whomever you want sent to the palace for your enjoyment.”

“I don’t want just anyone, though,” Nokoribi said, “and the one I want to see will only meet me here.”

He turned into a small establishment, sliding its door to the side as he went. I stiffly followed, promptly turning into a statue once I'd passed through the threshold.

In the entrance, a scantily clad woman glanced up from her book, smiling when she saw us.

“Gentlemen!” she said. “So nice to see you again.”

“Same to you, Morihei,” Nokoribi said. “Is she in?”

“Indeed. Shall I let her know you’re here?”

Chuckling, Nokoribi said, “There’s no need. She’s expecting me.”

“I see,” Morihei said with a smile. “And your friend? Anything for him this time?”

As if oblivious to my indignation, Nokoribi turned to raise an eyebrow at me. He’d made the same offer on our first visit here, and at the time, I’d definitively refused it. I had no problem with these sorts of businesses, so long as they were well-maintained and their employees were treated properly. My problem had never lain with that.

No, it lay with how to protect my friend if this place’s provided entertainment were to distract me, and *that was all there was to it.*

I gave the same answer today as I had back then. Folding to the ground, I crossed my arms, all while glaring at my friend.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Morihei said. “It’s his loss, but I do hope that *you* enjoy your time with us, good sir.”

“I’m sure I will,” Nokoribi said with a chuckle.

Before he could vanish behind a nearby curtain, I stopped my friend.

“That discussion,” I said. “We will have it, right?”

“Yes,” Nokoribi said, softly smiling. “I promise.”

He left me with a scantily clad woman and my thoughts, and I did my best to ignore the moans coming from behind the curtain that had hidden him. I ignored what my friend must be doing. I ignored what Nokoribi had become.

# Chapter Four

When we returned to the palace, Nokoribi requested that his dinner be brought to his room, but the kitchen staff knew what that really meant. At these times, they always slipped extra food, meant for me, onto their given trays, never knowing that what they provided for their Blessed Emperor alone was enough for us both.

And neither of us would ever tell them. No one upset the people who made their meals.

Today’s spread of food put a stone in my stomach, a hand that reached into my intestines and yanked on them. There was so much of it: sweet junom flesh with its drizzling juices; rakshan ribs, honeyed and seared to perfection; kakan shells, ready to be cracked.

Piles of succulent fruits, meats, and nuts were sitting in front of us, and the people of Hiyuki starved. Famine spread its fingers throughout the empire. As always.

“Try the rakshan, K. They spiced it exactly right,” Nokoribi said. “Yasuda must be overseeing the kitchen this evening.”

He sucked on syrupy fingers, seemingly ignorant of my tension.

“You said we’d talk,” I said.

Maybe that explained the knot in my belly. Maybe it wasn’t a boy’s face, glazed in snot and tears like honey had with the rakshan meat. Maybe the coming conversation was causing this pain.

As if he hadn't heard what I’d said, Nokoribi scooped a junom fruit from among its brethren. Flicking a switchblade out from under his sleeve, he sawed through the fruit’s chitinous skin.

“I wonder what happened with that kid from earlier,” he said. “Do you think he mugged someone else? Will he come crawling toward me in the audience chamber next week?”

Beneath the table, I clenched my hands around the pistol I was cradling, finding a comforting rhythm in brushing its metal.

“We need to talk,” I said, trying again.

Flinging himself into the pillows, Nokoribi stretched before biting into his peeled junom fruit.

“I probably will see him. Hunger makes people do stupid things,” he said. “Do you remember, K? You and I ran so many rackets on other steam rats before They… before fire bloomed in my eyes.”

Our past. The boy today. Was my friend trying to give me an ulcer?

“Please,” I whispered, “we-”

“Would that earth and fire had never chosen me,” Nokoribi said. “I’d give anything for a return to those simpler times. My best friend and I against the-”

Jerking my hands into view, I slammed my pistol atop the table.

“‘ribi! We need to talk!” I roared.

Lifting his head out of the pillows, Nokoribi peered at me over our piled-high food.

“I thought that’s what we were doing,” he said.

At that, I could swear that the flames in my friend’s eyes had been transferred to me. If I opened my mouth, I was afraid fire might spew forth to eat through the meal laid between us, and as Nokoribi barked a laugh, slapping at the pillows around him, it only grew hotter.

I lost time. One moment, I was sitting on the ground opposite my friend, and in the next, I was standing over him with a pistol aimed at his forehead.

Sighing, my friend gazed up at me with the flames in his eyes reduced to coals.

“Sit down,” he said.

A simple command. Like so many others I'd followed.

And with my legs giving out from under me, I fell. Fortunately, pillows cushioned my impact with the ground.

When Nokoribi extended a hand, I laid my pistol in it, and once he’d set the weapon on the table beside us, my friend crossed his arms.

“So. We’re having this conversation whether I like it or not,” he said. “Fine. You called me weak. That’s a serious accusation to level at an emperor. So, why did you make it?”

“I already told you,” I whispered.

Did Nokoribi not feel this vice, squeezing my heart to a pulp? How could he be acting so calmly?

“Because I didn’t have you execute the people who came to kill me,” he said. “You’ve been wrestling with this crisis for about a week, then. Does that sound about right?”

With the pain in my heart crushing the air out of my lungs, I breathed, “Yes.”

“And in that week, you've done nothing,” Nokoribi said before cocking his head. “Doesn’t that make you the weak one?”

I shook my head.

“I couldn’t know for sure if you were infected,” I said. “Not until today.”

Humming, Nokoribi nodded.

“Why today?” he said. “When I let that boy go, did it harden your certainty?”

I didn’t want to answer that question. If I did, it became truth and…

I wanted this to be over but…

But eyes full of embers were boreing into me, and so, I spoke: a croaking voice that uttered a single word.

“Yes.”

There it was. The conundrum that had plagued me since that day in the garden had been solved.

Of course, as soon as that had happened, Nokoribi threw doubt on my resolve.

“Why was that weak?”

I rocked away from him, almost toppling to the floor.

“Be- because the law states that anyone who assaults the emperor must die,” I said. “The emperor must uphold the law, and you didn’t, sparing the boy instead. Weakness.”

Snorting, Nokoribi said, “And what is that law’s purpose?”

Wasn’t that obvious?

“To protect you, of course,” I said. “To dissuade further assassination attempts.”

“And how well has that worked?” Nokoribi said under his breath before lifting a hand. “No, don’t answer that. Instead, tell me. Why should I be protected?”

Why should he be-?

“You’ve been chosen by earth and fire!” I said, sputtering. “You’re-”

“Hiyuki’s Blessed Emperor,” Nokoribi said, rolling his eyes. “Yes, I’m well aware. We’ll get to that in a moment. I’m asking why I, as Nokoribi and not the nameless emperor, deserve protection. Why does sparing an assassin instead of killing them make me weak?”

Leaning back on his elbows, he pressed his fingers together, resting them over his heart, and begged me to give him a decent answer to his question.

Hell, if I wouldn’t try.

“If you show mercy, it encourages other people to come for your head,” I said.

Lifting an eyebrow, Nokoribi said, “And?”

“And I can’t fend them all off, ‘ribi,” I said. “Eventually, one of them would get through me.”

“And?”

“And the way you are right now, I’m not sure whether you’d fight them off or let them kill you.”

For a moment, Nokoribi didn’t reply, merely staring at me with the fire in his eyes flaring and dying in bursts. For a moment, I thought I might have cured his weakness.

Then, my friend ruined it.

“If I didn’t resist them,” Nokoribi said, “would that be such a bad thing?”

This, more than anything else, stoked my temper. As it erupted from me, my own, personal earth’s blood felt like it had roasted my insides.

*“Of course it would be, you fantastically idiotic asshole!”* I bellowed. “You’d be dead!”

Nokoribi’s lips twitched, even as he otherwise kept them in a flat line.

“Why is my life more important than our would-be assassin?” he asked.

“Because-!”

I couldn’t mention my friend’s position as the emperor. For the moment, that subject had been set aside.

“Because…”

I couldn’t use our friendship as a reason, no matter how much I might want to. Logically, that only made Nokoribi’s life more important to me.

So, I fell back on the first maxim taught to young Hiyukians.

“Preservation of self is most important, ‘ribi. You know that,” I said. “It doesn’t matter whose life counts more. All that matters is preserving your own, no matter how badly you might harm others to accomplish that.”

And the question I was coming to hate flew from Nokoribi’s lips.

“Why?”

I’d had enough. Grabbing my pistol, I lunged over my friend with the gun’s muzzle pressed under his chin. My vision blurred as I said.

“This is pointless. You’re weak, and a weak emperor leads a weak empire.”

Nokoribi must not have been listening. Death was staring down at him from above, and he *laughed,* clapping his hands.

“Congratulations, K! You got further along than I thought you would,” he gasped. “You’re close to the truth, so close it makes my heart ache. I wish I could be here when you find it.”

Where earth’s blood had once filled me, something new and foreign replaced it. It was the feeling experienced when the downtrodden fanned the well-to-do on especially hot days. The sensation found in the steamworks’ abandoned channels: deep below the surface, where earth’s blood no longer flowed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I said.

“What it sounded like.”

What he was suggesting hit me like one of those newfangled motorcars. I dropped my pistol from Nokoribi’s skin, and rubbing my suddenly prickling eyes, I sank to my knees.

“How long?” I whispered.

“I suspect it’ll be soon. In fact, I doubt I’ll return from my next communion with the earth,” Nokoribi said. “That’s why I’ve been delaying it for so long. I’ve been getting my affairs in order.”

No. Nononononono!

“But you’re only thirty!” I said. “You should have at least another five years left!”

Nokoribi gave me a sad smile.

“Come on, K. You know that thirty-five is the *average* lifespan for someone who’s been blessed, and I’ve never been average,” he said. “They’ve burned through me quite quickly in comparison.”

That fucking vague word again…

“And who are They?” I asked, slamming my hand into the pillows. “You talk about Them all the time, scream about Them in your sleep, but you’ve never explained.”

“Because I can’t.”

Pulling himself upright, Nokoribi massaged his forehead with a wince.

“I wish I could, but I *can’t,”* he said. “You haven’t considered the worst of it, though, K. *We haven’t found an heir yet.* No one has been chosen or at least, no one I can bear to…”

Biting his lip, he looked away, and I wondered what he could have meant by that.

“In a way, I’m glad,” Nokoribi eventually continued. “I wouldn’t wish this curse on anyone, even if Hiyuki needs it-”

Squeezing his eyes closed, he punched the floor, making me finish what he’d started.

“Needs it to survive.”

I couldn’t think about that part of the problem right now. Instead, I’d focus on ‘ribi and how much he needed me. I’d focus on the fact that he was… dying.

“That’s why you granted them mercy. The assassins, I mean,” I said. “Why kill them when their success would only have accelerated what’s already happening?”

Nokoribi gave me an odd look.

“No, K. That’s not why,” he said, “but if it will help you sleep, you can believe that’s the reason. If it’ll help with…”

He waved at his body, the one that seemed as healthy as it had on the day he’d first been chosen. Then again, it would always look like that.

Until it didn’t.

“I’m sorry, ‘ribi,” I said. “I just…”

What did one say to a dying man? As I scratched my head, I banged my forgotten pistol on it, and after a pointed glare, I holstered the weapon.

“So, you won’t excise the weakness you’ve found in me?” Nokoribi asked.

Shrugging, I said, “It’s not like it can spread far in the time you have left.”

With a hiss, I winced. *Why* had I put it like that?

But Nokoribi simply chuckled.

“You’re a hypocrite, you know,” he said. “You claim self-preservation, at all costs, is the definition of strength, but how many times have you nearly died while protecting me?”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “That’s my job.”

The knot in my guts had uncurled, letting hunger take up howling residence in its place. Scooting to the table, I snatched a set of rakshan ribs from their platter, and when its flavor hit my tongue, I fluttered my eyes closed. Nokoribi had been right. They had spiced these perfectly.

“How I hope you’ll find the truth.”

I didn’t pay attention to that whisper, and when Nokoribi joined me at the table, I ignored the fact that the person sitting beside me, my best friend, was a dead man walking. Like someone dangling from a cliff, I clung to what I had.

“Game of pechet once we’ve finished here?” I said. “Or maybe some time in the garden?”

“You think that just because I’m dying, *you* get to decide what we should do next?” Nokoribi said while cracking a kakan nut open. “I should have known this would happen. You complain about never getting to choose often enough.”

“Fine, *most blessed,”* I said. “What shall we do after this? I ask as your humble bodyguard, only wanting a chance to plan for your safety.”

Humming, Nokoribi crunched on the kakan nut while tapping a finger on his chin.

“A game of pechet sounds fun,” he eventually said.

With a groan, I said, “Of course it does.”

I lost myself in our banter, lost myself in the food, lost myself in the game, when it came. I threw myself headlong into every second with my friend because who knew when the next would see blood spilling from Nokoribi’s mouth or nose or eyes? Who knew when Hiyuki would next demand that he commune with the earth, a task that might have him permanently disappearing through the Gateway? Who knew when I’d have to perform the final duty of every emperor’s bodyguard and end my friend’s suffering?

Until that moment arrived, I’d put how close I’d come to killing Nokoribi out of my mind. I wouldn’t consider that a failing body had been my friend’s salvation.

Only one thing required my attention: my childhood friend that I’d spent decades beside.

Only Nokoribi.

# Chapter Five

Screams disturbed my dreams, and groaning, I rolled over, pressing a pillow to my ear.

The noise didn’t worry me. The nightmares of Hiyuki’s Blessed Emperors had become legendary over the centuries with the tales of them stretching back to the empire’s founding.

As kids, Nokoribi and I had scoffed at those stories. What could haunt a man who was so privileged, someone who never needed to worry about hunger?

Then, earth and fire had chosen Nokoribi, and he’d learned the secret.

I never had. On the first night I’d served in the palace, my friend had started screaming bloody murder in the small hours of the morning. The last emperor’s bodyguard had warned me about this. He’d told me how to handle it, but at the time, I hadn’t yet absorbed everything my new role required. I’d only been a steam rat, and Nokoribi had only been my friend.

Rushing to his side, I’d seen his eyes snapped wide-open, illuminating the room’s every corner, and I’d tried to wake him up. It had been one of my poorest decisions, one I’d never tried again.

Now, whenever Nokoribi woke me from my dreams, I closed my ears to the noise and tried to sleep, but inevitably, I ended up listening to my friend scream until his nightmare had loosened its grip on him. Sometimes, a pillow helped with muffling the noise.

“No, no, no, no!”

Not so tonight.

“Please, I’m begging you! I’m doing what I can! *Stay with me.”*

That… had seemed more coherent than usual. Setting my pillow aside, I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my cot.

“Who’s talked you into this? What it Them or-?”

A yelp cut that shout short, and I snatched my pistol from off of the ground.

“I don’t- I can’t- *Stop screaming at me!”*

And that hadn’t sounded like Nokoribi at all. Sprinting across my small room, I grabbed my mask from its hook before jamming it in place. I burst through the door, stepping into chaos.

Someone had knocked a hole in a nearby wall, leaving rubble powdering the floor, and through it, I could see Takanai, despite the smog that ever consumed it. Even this late, lights were dotted across the city, but rather than that, moonbeams, struggling to pierce the toxic fog, were what provided the bedroom with light.

Pale, yellow fingers surmounted the haze, spackling the walls and floor through a second obstacle, one that had been raised against them. For beyond the hole in the wall, a tree was standing, one that was vibrantly green. One that had distinctly not been present this morning. Its roots were spilling through the hole, taking a rambling path to the stranger in the middle of the room.

With them wearing a hooded robe and a faceless mask, I couldn’t discern much about this person. Physique, gender, and all forms of weapon lay concealed beneath that cloth, but I did know one thing about them.

They were attacking Nokoribi.

A pair of knives flashed through the air, and my friend leapt away from that stab, but the stranger’s arm blurred, jabbing toward his chest once more. Nokoribi spun, letting a blade bite into his shoulder rather than his heart, and at the sight of that, I was broken free of my immobility, I *moved.*

Gone was hesitation. Gone were thoughts of whether death by a knife might be a kinder fate for my friend than what was already coming. With my pistol raised, I aimed for the stranger, but before I could squeeze the trigger, Nokoribi stepped into my line of fire.

“Go to bed!” he shouted. “I can handle this!”

*Sure* he could.

I dropped the pistol, drawing my sword. If my friend meant to stand between me and my target, I’d go close range.

As I stalked forward, though, Nokoribi gestured, and a branch sprouted from the tree, shooting in front of me. While it slammed into the stranger, my friend spun on me with fire raging in his eyes.

*“I’ve got this!”* he hissed.

Striding for the stranger, caught in his web of splintered bark, he kicked their dropped knives into the room’s depths.

“Who found you?” he asked. “I hid you well.”

Wait. Did he know this stranger?

“So, who was it?” Nokoribi said. “Who told you-?”

Cutting off in a shout, he fell to his knees, clutching at his head, and while I rushed toward him, the room’s light brightened, burning from my friend’s eyes.

“No!” he cried. *“Please.* Stay!”

As if in response, the stranger shrieked, a high-pitched noise that mixed with Nokoribi’s voice. Light poured from around her mask, and my friend’s screaming denial faded to whimpers while the bonfire in his eyes was reduced to smoldering coals. *What* was going on?

Hesitantly, I laid a hand on Nokoribi’s shoulder, keeping my sword raised toward the stranger.

“‘ribi? What’s wrong-?”

Nokoribi swept my hand off of him.

“Please,” he panted. “Go. Before it’s too late. Leave-”

As the stranger stirred in her bonds, my friend gasped, scrambling to his feet, but then, he spun in place, shoving me away.

“Run!” he shouted.

I stumbled away from him, fighting to regain my footing, and all the while, panic threatened to rule my mind. When was the last time I’d seen my friend as anything but calm?

In her wooden prison, the stranger laid a hand on a branch, and what Nokoribi had woven into being withered to dust. As she rose from its ashes, I ran for my pistol with questions screeching in my head. I didn’t have answers for most of them, but one of them was clear. Considering what the enemy had just done, close combat didn’t seem wise.

After diving for my pistol, I rolled to my back, ready to take the shot, but a wall of vines sprang up in front of me. Half crawling and half clambering to my feet, I rushed toward it, poking its leafy green surface. So thickly did the vines interlace with themselves that I could barely see through them to my friend, on the other side.

“Sorry, K,” Nokoribi said. “You can’t hurt her.”

Oh no, no, no. This was exactly what I’d been afraid of: my friend surrendering to an assassin’s attack after begging me to let her live.

“Why shouldn’t I?” I yelled.

My friend wasn’t listening to me, though. He waved toward the stranger, which had vines trailing from the wall to close on her. Before they could wrap down her arms, however, she slapped at them, and again, they crumbled.

No more.

I hacked at the greenery in front of me, cursing my blade’s dulled edge as I did. I’d surmount this, and even if it meant defying my orders, I’d protect my emperor, my friend. No other option remained for me.

“I know it hurts, precious,” Nokoribi said. “I know They’re loud. They’re shouting for your attention, and it’s hard to ignore Them, but that’s what you have to do. Listen to my voice. Calm down so I can help you.”

“Lies!” the stranger cried.

She wildly swept a hand across the room, and a wooden battering ram sprang from out of the tree, arching toward Nokoribi. He leapt away before it could slam into place, making metal creak and buckle, and wood snaked through the breach it had created.

Good. Maybe the royal guard would see it and come help.

“One of you is *lying,* and I can’t- I don’t-!”

Wailing, the stranger pounded on her head as she fell to her knees, and I knew what my friend would do. He’d never listen to what I’d next say but-

“‘ribi, don’t!” I shouted anyway.

Shooting a glance my way, Nokoribi gave me a sheepish smile before approaching the stranger. Holding his hands to either side, he kept his fingers spread wide, and with their every twitch, creeping vines trailed behind him. Crouching in front of the stranger, he pulled her fists off of her head, keeping one of his hands free at all times.

“I’ve listened to Them talking in my head for twenty-one years,” he said. “I can teach you how to ignore Them. I can teach you how to live with your curse, and when the time comes for you to commune with the earth, I’ll go with you for your first time. Please, listen to me, precious. I only want to keep you safe-”

The stranger lifted her face, covered by a mask, and while two, sharp inhales filled the room, the blaze behind that mask and the glow in Nokoribi’s eyes met, two flames taking each other’s worth.

And as I made my first hole in the ivy wall, I prayed. To whom, I couldn’t say, but still, the plea was flung toward anyone who would hear it and intervene. I couldn’t say what I was begging for, only that it involved my friend surviving. For no one to get hurt.

“It’s not just Them in my head,” the stranger said.

She shot her hand out, resting it on Nokoribi’s chest, and he opened his mouth, as if to ask a question. All that emerged from him, though, was a choked gasp.

He bowed his body over her palm while something writhed under his skin, and I watched with a closed throat as slicked vines burst free of their fleshy confines, as if it were soil. Twisting, leafy strands snaked out of my friend’s chest and arms and neck. One even sprouted from the dying ember of his eye while another sprang from out of his mouth. Slowly, they forced him upright with blood sheeting from each point of their departure.

All the while, a roar permeated the bedroom, drowning out all other sound.

With each swing of my sword, the hole in the wall widened, but I didn’t think I could squeeze through in time to help.

What, though, could I do to save my friend now?

My roar was silenced, and with my teeth gritted, I continued beating on plant life.

On its far side, the stranger snatched her hand off of Nokoribi’s chest.

“What…?” she breathed.

She flipped her mask between her hand and the mess she’d made of a man, landing on her palm with its fingers spread wide.

“No…” she slowly said. “Please. What-? *What have I done?”*

Struggling against what was pinning him in place, Nokoribi reached for the stranger with a whine wheezing through his lips. He knocked her mask aside, but all I could see beneath her hood were fiery eyes.

So like Nokoribi’s…

A choked sob accompanied my friend’s brush of the stranger’s cheek.

“It’s all right,” he coughed with the words sloshing over the vine in his mouth. “It’s all right, precious. Don’t cry.”

The stranger shot to her feet, tilting her hood down to Nokoribi as if etching the image into her mind. She spun to flee, but his voice held her in check.

“Remember,” he gasped. “Th... Their freedom is… the only way to… free us. I… love-”

The stranger took off, and finally, the hole in ivy had opened wide enough for me to slip through. When I did that, though, I didn’t pursue the assassin, as I should have. Instead, I ran to Nokoribi’s side, tossing aside my mask as I did, and it skittered to bounce against the stranger’s.

As I dropped to the ground beside my friend, I said, “What do I-? How do I-?”

“Help me,” Nokoribi groaned.

He reached for the vines riddling him, and I guided his hand to one. At the brush of his skin against it, plant life shriveled with its ash dusting us, and he coughed a plume of it into the air, one that was illuminated by flickering flames, before falling into my arms.

“K,” he mumbled. “Sorry.”

“Shut up, ‘ribi,” I said. “Your guardsman will be here soon, and we’ll- we’ll fix this.”

Whistling laughter preceded a pained grunt.

“Stop,” Nokoribi said. “Hurts. All of me.”

I didn’t want an image that would stick like a splinter in my mind, but despite my desires, I ran my eyes over my friend’s body. Gaping pits dotted every inch of Nokoribi’s exposed skin. I could only imagine what his insides looked like.

“Run, K,” Nokoribi gasped. “Don’t want… Th... They can’t have another…”

A rattle had taken hold of his lungs, and I clutched my friend to my chest.

“I won’t leave you, idiot,” I said. “Not even if you order it.”

“Defiance.”

A smile pulled at honeycombed cheeks.

“Save her, K.”

“I don’t know if I-”

The fire in Nokoribi’s eyes died in full, and he feverishly grasped at my arms.

“Find the-”

And he was gone.

“Truth,” I whispered. “I’ll try, ‘ribi. I-”

A sob split through the apology that I needed to utter, but after one was unleashed onto the world, more followed. Shaking, I folded myself around my emperor. The man I should have protected. My friend.

A howl was flung over slumbering Takanai, and in the city, people rolled over in their beds, oblivious to one man’s pain or the chaos it inevitably heralded.

# Chapter Six

I fought when they pulled me off of the body. I remembered that much. The rest of the night was a haze with grief clawing thought away from me, but I remembered the arrival of the royal guard.

I remembered their foreboding quiet as they’d ducked through the vines, such a contrast to the sobs that had been wringing me dry. I remembered one of them taking my arm before I’d yanked it free. I remembered the two who’d come next, wrapping their elbows under my shoulders while I’d thrashed and snarled. I remembered freeing myself and punching a man I’d spent years training.

Memory turned red after that with its accompanying blood and wrath coming as a welcome relief.

When clarity next returned to me, I wondered why I’d fallen asleep in the palace’s dungeon. Considering how many people I’d sent here, doing that didn’t seem like the wisest of choices…

Everything rushed into place, and shouting, I shot to my feet and punched the wall.

*“Nononononononono!”*

I screamed and lashed out until my knuckles had nearly broken, but then, I sank to my knees, resting my abused hands on top of my head. Nokoribi was-

“That’s the best reaction I’ve seen yet.”

Finding the person who’d spoken almost wasn’t worth the effort, but still, I twisted in place, setting my neck creaking. A skinny woman whose body rippled with scars was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed. When my eyes landed on her, she grinned, lifting her fingers in greeting.

“Welcome to the ranks of the condemned,” she said. “What got you tossed in here?”

In answer, I had so many reasons I could give, but only one mattered.

“I killed my best friend,” I said.

“Oo. That’d do it,” the woman said, making a face. “Me? I stole from one too many clients. Morihei took notice, and… here we are.”

Morihei. I knew that name. How did I know that name?

“I’m Ide,” the woman said. “Who are you, Mr. Best Friend Killer?”

Flinching, I mumbled, “Not looking for new friends.”

I climbed to my feet, surveying the dungeon. It was a pit dug beneath the palace with the only way out coming from rope ladders, lowered by the royal guard as needed.

During exchanges like that, the grates dotting the pit’s walls were what ensured prisoner cooperation. Behind each of them lay a pipe that led to the steamworks and at the pull of a lever above, earth’s blood would flood this pit, incinerating everyone within it.

Currently, that included a dozen people, which was a much lower number than usual. Still, I recognized some of them, faces I’d sent here as part of my duties. Why hadn’t they attacked me yet?

“Hey!” Ide snapped. “Just because you’ve got emperor eyes doesn’t mean you can act like a bastard to me.”

Ah. That explained why I wasn’t curled up in pain right now. Nothing was hiding my face, which meant no mask, and no one here had seen me without it.

I rubbed the burning itch in my eyes, wincing when my fingers came away wet. What I’d become last night? I couldn’t reach that state again. Not here.

“You’re right, of course,” I said. “I’m sorry. I-”

How was I supposed to act without Nokoribi to guide me?

“The name you mentioned distracted me,” I said. “Morihei? I’ve heard it before, and it’s not that common of a name.”

“Oh! Perhaps you’ve visited us, then,” Ide said.

Fluttering her lashes, she lowered herself toward the floor, taking a pose that accentuated her every curve. She trailed a finger along her hip before whipping it to her lips and licking it.

Noticing it took me much longer than I’d like to admit, but when I realized she was trying to entice me, I took a step back.

“Huh,” I grunted. “You’re a…”

“Uh-huh. Never seen you before in my workplace,” Ide said with a grin, “but I suppose that makes sense. My visitors tend to enjoy certain… kinks.”

She ran a finger over a scar while something between a smile and a grimace crossed her face.

“I never indulged in the many entertainments that Morihei’s establishment provides,” I said. “That was more ‘ribi’s thing.”

I squeaked to a stop with my voice stolen from me, but no matter where I looked, I couldn’t find its thief.

“Is that why you killed him? Your friend, I mean,” Ide said. “Was it over one of us?”

Lifting my hands, I watched my fingers twitch.

“Oh, no. You’ve misunderstood me,” I said.

Before I could continue, a gong reverberated in the pit, and across it, the condemned scrambled for hiding spots. Didn’t they understand that nothing could conceal them in here?

Content to stay still, I looked toward the pit’s edge, far above. Royal guardsmen had made a line along it, although none of them looked down. None sought out their commander.

It was just as well. They no longer answered to me, not after last night. Who claimed their loyalty now?

A diminutive woman with coal eyes parted the royal guard’s ranks, and almost beneath my notice, my bearing straightened. Never show weakness to an enemy.

“Guild Chair Sunada,” I said.

With her toes brushing the edge of the pit, said woman leaned over, squinting down at me.

“Hello… I don’t know what to call you after what’s happened,” she said. “I’m sorry. You look so small down there. It’s quite a change.”

…Had she come here only to gloat?

“What do you want?” I snapped.

Sunada rocked back on her heels.

“You think I’m here to make fun of you,” she muttered before shaking her head. “No, I don’t have time for that. I need to know what happened last night, and you need to tell me.”

Narrowing my eyes, I said, “Shouldn’t you already know?”

“Yes, yes. You failed in your job. The emperor’s dead,” Sunada said, flapping her hand. “I’m sure all of Hiyuki knows that by now.”

All of Hiyuki except for the condemned. The people in the pit shifted, flicking their eyes between the guild’s chairman above us and me.

“I’m interested in last night’s details,” Sunada continued. “Since you were there, I thought you might share them with me.”

Was she trying to get a leg up on her fellow guild chairs?

“You’ll get them at my trial, along with everyone else,” I said.

For a long while, Sunada gazed down on me while the condemned shuffled in place.

“I don’t think you appreciate how serious our situation has become, nameless bodyguard,” she eventually said. “Without an emperor to commune with the earth, Hiyuki’s ecosystem will go haywire. Vents will release steam, mountains will spew fire, and the earth’s blood that powers our world will become uncontrollable. We need an heir. In the hopes of finding one, I’ve been scouring our late emperor’s records since his death, hoping he might have overlooked a clue about his successor, but I’ve found nothing. So, I’ve come to you. Did you see anything in last night’s attack that might lead us to our next leader?”

*Fire’s light seeps around her mask, transferred from my friend’s eyes.*

*“Save her,” Nokoribi begs.*

No. That bitch was *mine.*

If I lived. Did I deserve to live?

“As I said,” I called to Sunada, “I’ll reveal last night’s details at my trial.”

Resting a hand on her hip, Sunada said, “I’m only trying to help, but I understand your hesitation. After the last few hours and considering everything you have yet to experience… well. I’m sorry, nameless bodyguard. My fellow guild chairs and I will see you soon.”

The royal guard closed behind Sunada when she turned away, following her out, and not one of them glanced my way.

“You’re…”

I dropped my gaze to the bottom of the pit where Ide was gaping at me.

“You killed the *emperor?”* she squeaked.

“That’s what I was saying before Sunada came to visit,” I said. “I didn’t kill Nokoribi, but I might as well have. I wasn’t strong enough or fast enough or smart enough-”

Breaking off, I lowered my eyes to the floor. The stone beneath my feet made a fascinating portrait, after all. Each grain of sand on it was a freckle while each pit in the rock was a hole in flesh. Each splash of fallen moisture was a blood streak.

“You’re why I’m in this mess!”

Lifting my head had become too much work for me. Instead, I rolled my eyes toward the man who was stalking my way.

Why had I condemned this one? Oh, yes. He’d assaulted a woman on the palace’s staff.

*“He’s* the bodyguard? He doesn’t look like much without a mask to hide those simpering eyes.”

That woman had tried to steal rations from the palace’s kitchen.

“Oo… this’ll be *fun!”*

And that man had climbed out of the steamworks to try killing Nokoribi. I’d caught him before he could disturb my friend’s day.

More of them flocked to me, and I stood ready to accept their vengeance. I meant to take every blow they’d rain upon me without complaint, but when the first punch was sent flying, instinct had me dodging it, and I caught the man’s fist before he could retract it. With a twist and a crunch, I broke his wrist bones, and he howled.

Damnit. Now, they’d be incensed.

Screaming, they fell upon me, and I defended myself as best I could. I tossed away the next person to reach me and flung the one who came after him into the wall, holding her there while jabbing my fingers into another man’s eyes. I kicked a third man, but too many were rushing me at once. A pile of bodies dragged me to the stone floor.

They didn’t care whether they hurt one another. Despite the blanket of people covering me, fists and feet slammed into my sides, but the men and women on top of me didn’t seem to mind that abuse. They clawed and bit at me just as fiercely, and my world became nothing more than an animalistic struggle.

When the condemned got tired of raining their anger upon my body, I lay where they’d left me, too tired to move. Too tired to finish assessing the damage done. Too tired to care.

“You pissed them off.”

I peeled my eyes open to find Ide standing over me.

“Would you like to add to their gifts?” I asked.

“I’m good, thanks.”

With a single skip, Ide flounced to a seat at my side.

“So, you failed to protect the emperor,” she said. “That’s why you say you killed him.”

A pain sharper than any that the condemned could have imparted pierced me, turning into glass shards that rubbed against my guts.

“Yes,” I grated out.

“And he was your best friend?” Ide asked.

Was. The word acted as salt in my every open wound.

“Yes.”

Ide stayed silent for a time, leaving me floating between my pain and the comfort that her benign presence was giving me.

“You know you’re dead,” she eventually whispered.

“Yes.”

“They’ll feed you to earth and fire.”

“Yes.”

Again, there was a pause before Ide continued.

“Do you know what you’ll say when they come for you?”

Did I?

“Yes.”

Ide had nothing more for me, just a quiet, melodious hum. As her voice wrapped around me, I listened to my body’s weeping rather than that of my mind. It hurt less.

# Chapter Seven

When they lowered a rope ladder for me, I climbed out of the pit, rolling over its edge to lie on the stone. My body hadn’t stopped protesting the damage that had been done to it, so as I caught my breath, aching hurt turned the hand reaching for me into a swirling mess of crimson and flesh tones.

I disregarded the offered help up, hauling my crying muscles into position, and when the world stopped spinning, I nodded to the royal guardsman opposite me.

“Ryoko,” I said. “Sorry about the-”

I waved at the man’s face where a red mark lay on a cheekbone and the beginnings of a bruise were ringing his eye.

Shrugging, Ryoko said, “I’ve taken worse from you before.”

“Have they given you my position?” I asked.

“Yes, command-”

Ryoko broke off, lifting his eyes above the heads of those gathered.

After a moment, I said, “It’s Kasai. Amari Kasai, although perhaps ‘condemned’ would be more appropriate.”

With a swift jerk, Ryoko lowered his head.

“The guilds' chairmen have made me the royal guard’s commander until an heir has been chosen,” he said.

One already existed, though, and wouldn’t it surprise the guild chairs to learn that their heir was a woman? When had that last happened?

For a moment, I considered sharing what I’d seen last night with Ryoko. From the years I’d spent training him, I knew the man to be a capable guardsman. He could find the assassin… the heir with minimal fuss and keep her safe until a bodyguard could be selected for her but…

She was *mine.* If I survived the day. Did I deserve to survive?

‘They’ve made a good choice for once,” I said. “Congratulations are in order.”

“Thank you, command-”

Silence followed Ryoko’s slip of the tongue, and I turned aside while he sought a blank face once more.

“This way, condemned,” he eventually said.

The palace felt different from this side of things. Because it was no longer my home, its metal floor and steel-flecked, concrete walls cast an imposing shadow.

I’d never noticed how big everything seemed, even the halls. Without Nokoribi to steal my focus, I could examine these corridors that I’d walked down a thousand times before and appreciate why when the condemned had arrived in the audience chamber, they’d always looked so intimidated.

Unlike them, the palace wasn’t what was making me want to disappear. No, that sensation came from my lack of a mask.

Without it, my brilliant, red eyes had nowhere to hide, and people stared. Of course, they might be doing that because I’d become a failed bodyguard surrounded by royal guardsmen, but instincts, drilled into me since childhood, screamed that the attention being paid to me was because of my eye color.

So, I kept them fixed on Ryoko’s back.

The procession stopped at a set of double doors, beautifully carved wooden slabs from before Hiyuki’s transformation into a land of volcanoes and sulfur, but when the guardsmen swept through them, I refused to move.

“This is ‘ribi’s…”

They wouldn’t know my friend’s name.

“This is the emperor’s audience chamber,” I said.

“And that emperor is dead,” Ryoko said with bite in his words. “Until we’ve found an heir, it will be used as we require.”

A hand on my shoulder propelled me forward, and numb, I allowed this until I stood in the threshold. Then, shaking seized me, and I wondered if my body’s aching had surmounted my resistance to it until I collapsed on the doorjamb. Hacking, babbling noise burst from me, and I clung to the doorframe to keep from dropping to the floor.

“They replaced him,” I gasped. “They got what they always wanted. Oh, my friend…”

“Condemned.”

If that word had been meant for me, I didn’t notice it. For his entire reign, Nokoribi had struggled to retain the scraps of power that he’d held, hoping to find a way to help his people, and not a day after his death, the guilds had taken over.

With my legs failing me, I slid toward the floor while my cackling noise turned to a howl, but something pinned me in place, halting my fall.

“Kasai.”

Who was trying to free me from this dip into insanity? Didn’t they see? Life was defined by its futility-

Someone slapped me, although its sharp sting quickly faded beneath the dull pang that was dominating my body.

*“Commander,”* Ryoko hissed in my face. “Get yourself together. Don’t dishonor our emperor with this display.”

Dishonor… Nokoribi? The laughter filling the audience chamber’s foyer fell to silence, and among the royal guard, shoulders were lowered from ears.

What had that been? *Earth and fire,* what had that been?

Weakness? Had I contracted that disease?

And why should I care if I had?

Climbing up the door, I scrubbed my face clean, and at my nod, a guardsman opened a smaller set of doors, letting me step into the audience chamber.

I knew how this trial should proceed. From here, I should advance to the center of the room, drop to my knees, make my greeting, and crawl to the throne.

These, however, were anything but normal circumstances. For one thing, Nokoribi’s throne lay empty, leaving four people gathered around it in flimsy chairs. For another…

For another, the emperor had been murdered.

So, instead of continuing into the room, I examined the people who would judge me. The guilds' chairmen had crowded into the room, as they always did, with only the most powerful and influential of them perched beside the throne.

The presence of Arita, the chair for Hiyuki’s largest agricultural guild, and Mako, from food distribution, didn’t elicit surprise from me. Any guild that dealt in the sustenance of our starving empire maintained a firm grip on power, and of them, those two had always had the loudest voices.

The steamworks’ chairman, Sunada, also barely raised my interest. Even as a black-eyed woman, her position had guaranteed her a seat on the dais. The steamworks were too important in the empire’s cities for it to be otherwise.

The last of the four, Taro, raised my eyebrows, though. He led the guild that controlled Takanai’s various… pleasure establishments. As one of the weaker guilds, their chairman had never pulled much weight, which I’d always celebrated.

If that man had come to the forefront more often than he had over the last few years, how much conflict would it have spawned? How much acid would have eaten at my guts? Would I, in a fit of unreasoning dislike, have damned Taro to Katanti? Thank earth and fire that the man had never claimed significance back then.

Because of that, though, I had to wonder. Why had the other guilds honored him now?

“Commander?” Ryoko whispered at my elbow.

Glancing at him, I murmured, “That’s your title now.”

But I took the prompt for what it was. Gazing at my lifelong enemies, I puffed out a breath and walked forward.

Nothing skittish lay in my stride. I marched across the metal tiles like I had as the emperor’s bodyguard, giving tradition not a flicker of acknowledgment. Only when I reached the dais did I stop, folding my arms behind my back.

“I assume I’m here to give my report?” I said.

A rustle spread through the chamber, and the people in front of me shifted in their chairs with one of them going red in the face, which made me smile. I’d always wanted to smear that mottled shade across Arita’s face like Nokoribi once had.

“Kneel before us, condemned,” he spat.

Sparing him only a glance, I said, “No. I have an appointment with earth and fire today. I’m sure you’d rather take my report before then. So. Am I here to give it or not?”

Sputtering, Arita shot forward in his chair, but before he could speak, Mako snapped his hand out, gripping Arita’s thigh.

“Remain poised,” he said. “Remember your place.”

Still red in the face, Arita sank into his chair with his rust-tinged eyes biting in their glare, but I didn’t feel it, not with everything else I’d suffered over the last day. I merely waited for someone to answer my question.

When a response came, however, it emerged from the person I’d least expected.

“Are you sure you want it to go this way?” Taro asked. “I admire your strength, but as you can tell, it won’t curry you any favor now.”

Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees with his fingers steepled in front of his face, a pose that Nokoribi had so often assumed that seeing it here squeezed my heart. Facing him, I forced myself into a short bow before speaking.

“Your concern is appreciated, but I’ve made my bed. May I give my report, please?"

Sunada’s sigh emerged long and loud and exasperated.

“Men,” she said under her breath before raising her voice. “I, for one, want to know how our most blessed emperor met his fate. So, unless someone else would like to raise his useless voice?”

She raked the room with her black eyes, and when no one spoke, gestured for me to begin.

This proved harder to do than I’d expected. While waiting in the dungeon, I’d rehearsed what I’d say, but now that I was standing here, those words seemed limp… weak, and while replaying them in my head, images from last night danced between the guilds' chairmen and an empty throne.

Well. It was empty except for the ghosts.

Nokoribi leaned over the throne’s arm, beckoning me closer with a smile. Nokoribi listened to a condemned’s supplication as if the task was the most serious one in the world. Nokoribi sagged in defeat, hiding his eyes with one hand.

With vines ripping through his body, my best friend bled out while reaching for me.

“I saw weakness in my emperor,” I said, forcing the words out.

It hadn’t sounded like me, though. That croaking rasp, weighted down by unshed tears, had twirled in a halting cadence from me, but I couldn’t change it, knowing that no amount of coughing would banish the stranger who’d taken residence in my body. Instead, I listened from a distance as that alien voice continued.

“In the last week, several assassination attempts were made on my emperor, as I’m sure many of you have heard. You saw one of them yesterday morning, but there have been more, and in many of these cases, once I’d immobilized the assassin, my emperor let them go with no warning or punishment given. Instead, he gave freedom to those who’d tried to kill him.”

From behind me, the guild chairs flung gasps and titters into the air, and I gritted my teeth as I moved on.

“I saw this weakness and delayed with what I needed to do. I watched. I hoped. I begged earth and fire for me to be wrong because he…”

As Nokoribi leaned forward in his throne, blood dripped from him, vanishing before it hit the floor, and his gentle smile requested more of my story. The teeth, painted red, behind it prompted a choked sob instead.

“It kept happening. Again and again and again and I knew. Weakness had infected my emperor. So last night, I did my job. I cut off the diseased limb.”

Shaking his head, Nokoribi collapsed into his throne, and I hoped he knew how sorry I was. If I survived this, I’d fix the story but if not…

“What about the mess we found in his room?” Mako asked.

Shrugging, I said, “He fought me.”

Not entirely untrue. How wonderful that felt on a tongue coated in lies.

“And his body?” Sunada asked. “Its riddled state doesn’t seem like something you could do. No offense.”

“None taken,” I said. “In the end, my emperor showed strength. He recognized the weakness in himself and turned his blessing on his body. My emperor cured his disease.”

In the silence, Nokoribi peered at me from beneath the hand that was shielding his good eye. So much disappointment lay there that I wanted to run for the nearest bathhouse so I could scrub myself clean, but I made myself watch as my friend straightened in his throne. I forced myself to read Nokoribi’s lips.

*Find the truth.*

“I know,” I said under my breath.

*Save her.*

“I can’t.”

With his face twisting, Nokoribi pointed at me.

*You did this to me.*

“I know. I’m so sorry, ‘ribi.”

Snarling, Nokoribi turned to smoke, and I was left with several guild chairmen staring at me. Would they see through my lies and press me for the truth?

Because if they did, I wouldn’t give it. If I escaped this situation—if I deserved to escape—I would take my knowledge about the assassin away from this place. I’d use it to find her, and *I would make her suffer.*

If I couldn’t escape, I’d give no one else a pleasure that should only be mine.

“It seems we don’t have a case of a failed bodyguard, merely one who fulfilled the less reputable side of his role,” Taro said.

“It carries the same sentence,” Arita grumbled.

“Should it, though?” Sunada said. “For centuries, that law has been begging to be overturned. Why should an emperor’s bodyguard be punished for acting on an observation of weakness, completing his role’s most difficult task as a result?”

“If doing it didn’t carry a death sentence, we might have more bodyguards claiming that their emperor carried weakness,” Mako said. “The law is in place to dispel the temptation for a bodyguard to become an assassin.”

“But surely in this case-”

“If we make an exception here, we’ll prove that our laws are intractable,” Mako said. “I don’t want to uphold this one either, but if we don’t…”

“If we don’t, other arrogant pieces of shit like him will think they can get away with their crimes,” Arita growled.

Sighing, I crossed my arms. I’d find no escape here, not that I’d have deserved it. Still, I made one last attempt to invoke their pity.

“If I may, I’m not looking for mercy or an exception from the law,” I said. “For my whole life, I’ve lived in service to my emperor, and I’ll die in service to him too, if need be. Do whatever you must to keep Hiyuki stable.”

For a moment, I thought I might have them. I’d mentioned the many sacrifices that my role had demanded from me to play on their emotions, and guild members had ever let those drive them, more so than imperials. That could be seen now.

Sunada and Taro had already seemed to be in my camp while Arita lay on the opposite side. Only Mako had acted somewhat undecided, so as honeyed words had fallen from my tongue, I’d watched him, noting his twitching fingers and his grimace.

It was with some surprise, then, that I heard Sunada’s voice once I’d fallen silent.

“He’s right,” she said. “We find ourselves in perilous times, gentlemen. Food scarcity is at an all-time high, and we have no emperor to commune with the earth while Hiyuki already rumbles beneath us. We can’t afford the political upheaval that would come from sparing this bodyguard’s life. We must feed him to earth and fire.”

“Agreed,” Arita said as soon as she’d finished with her pronouncement.

“Agreed,” Mako quietly added.

Only Taro hesitated. He gazed upon me with struggle evident on his face, but soon enough, he clenched his jaw, speaking through gritted teeth.

“Agreed.”

“Wonderful! The rest of us should confer, but I think we already know our decision,” Arita said, chortling. “Commander! If you could take the condemned elsewhere for now?”

I listened to his seeming triumph with half an ear. Nokoribi’s ghost had appeared again, glowing with health this time. He stood close enough to me that I could touch his incorporeal flesh if I reached out.

*Save her, K.*

“Looks like you’ve gotten what you wanted,” I murmured. “Again.”

Frowning, Nokoribi cocked his head, and that movement came with a tug on my arm, coming from an outside source.

*I never wanted you to die with me.*

“Then, I’ll defy you to the end. I’ll die as I deserve.”

As my friend’s frown deepened, the tugging on my arm increased in insistence.

*No one deserves to have earth and fire eat them.*

“I do,” I whispered.

*Oh, K…*

Nokoribi shot his hand out, sending a ghost of pain stinging across my cheek, and vaguely, I became aware of someone in the distance barking orders at me.

*That was the shittiest attempt to escape that I’ve ever seen from a condemned,* Nokoribi said.

“How else did you expect your bodyguard to fare in a game of rhetoric?” I said. “You were the one with a silver tongue.”

*Because I practiced hard for YEARS to gain it. Don’t you dare distract me, though.*

*You need to escape. You need to save her. This attempt fell flat. Try again.*

“How?” I asked.

“AMARI KASAI.”

With my given name ringing in the audience chamber, I blinked, and Nokoribi vanished. Standing at my side, Ryoko was hauling against me, but he was getting nowhere. The poor man had never made me budge, even during his training.

Dismissing him, I let my eyes slide to the throne, now and forevermore empty of my friend.

“Goodbye, ‘ribi,” I said.

Only then did I let Ryoko tug me outside. Only then did it fully hit me that I was going to die.

# Chapter Eight

I waited for what was coming, both needing to escape it and wonderfully, blissfully relieved that I couldn’t. Too many royal guardsmen were standing between me and freedom, ready to incapacitate me if I tried.

So, I lay on the floor with one arm thrown over my eyes and waited for something to happen, for someone to retrieve me for death.

I found it interesting how little my impending demise bothered me. Ever since earth and fire had chosen my friend, which had soon had me volunteering to serve as his bodyguard, I’d known I would only outlive Nokoribi for a few days.

And that had been fine. When we were children, Nokoribi had stopped me from killing myself in the steamworks, as I’d planned, and after that, he’d saved my life countless more times before fire had ignited in my eyes. It seemed only fair that a life saved would become forfeit when the one to whom it was owed had died.

Rolling to my side, I closed my eyes to stop their burning, only to be greeted by an image that I’d never scrub out of my mind. Would this be the rest of my life? Would my final view of Nokoribi be summoned every time I so much as blinked?

How fortunate, then, that it wouldn’t last long.

The door was swept open, but I felt no need to move. It fascinated me what the promise of death had stripped from my mind. What point was there in rising to my feet or showing respect to my visitor?

“Can I get you anything?”

Unless the visitor was him.

Chuckling, I got off the floor with every spec of me crying at the effort, and stumbling, I caught myself on a wall. The consequences of my beating had revealed themselves soon after I’d been left here, hence why I’d been lying on the ground. Doing anything else hurt, but I’d manage that pain to meet this man on equal footing.

“Don’t you have better things to do than indulge the whims of a condemned, commander?” I asked.

Chewing on his lip, Ryoko examined me for a moment.

“No,” he drawled, “I don’t think I do.”

Gritting my teeth, I tried standing on my own, and when I managed that, I limped around the room, dragging my finger along steel-flecked concrete.

“They haven’t made a decision yet?” I asked.

“Unsurprisingly, no,” Ryoko said. “They’re bickering like children.”

“What’s there to argue?” I said. “This is a clear-cut case.”

“If you say so.”

Before I could snap a reply, an imperfection in the wall caught on my finger, nicking it, and pausing, I watched blood well from the cut. How sad was it that a human’s body suffered from its owner’s decisions? Mine would soon burn because I couldn’t do my job.

“Are you hungry?” Ryoko asked. “I could get you something from the kitchen.”

“Why waste the food?”

From far away, I watched myself press my finger into poured stone, and when I pulled it away, a splotch of crimson, one decorated by whirling lines, marred its porous white surface. My mark. There until someone scrubbed it clean.

“Please, Kasai. You must want something.”

Sliding sticky liquid across my skin, I held my laughter in a death grip. I wanted so many things. The assassin under my control, about to receive her just reward. A way out of the palace so I could find her. More time.

Nokoribi alive.

“My mask,” I said instead. “I’ll cause enough of a stir, just by being who I am. Let’s not add my cursed eyes to the mix.”

“Probably wise,” Ryoko said. “I can easily accommodate that. Anything else?”

Casting back through the years, I sought anything that I’d left unfinished, anything that I might still have time to complete, but I came up empty. Nokoribi’s murder had snapped every tie that I had left except…

*She hums a nonsense tune, one that sweeps me away from my pain.*

“There’s a woman in the dungeon. Ide,” I said. “When her time for supplication comes, she’d have a better chance at surviving if Arita weren’t present.”

I wasn’t sure why I’d spoken those words, and when silence answered me, I knew how they must sound. My first request would advance the empire in some small way. By wearing my mask when they escorted me out of the palace, the crowd that was surely waiting wouldn’t see my eyes and therefore, question the guild chairs’ decision. I’d stop dissent before it could begin.

This second request sounded like a plea for mercy and not one that I’d made for myself.

I knew better. Ide had helped me when I’d most needed it. With this request, I was merely clearing my debt to her, even if I wasn’t sure if I needed to, but I couldn’t explain that to Ryoko.

Stopping in front of the new commander, I staunched my finger’s bleeding on my clothes before meeting his gaze, and as expected, Ryoko flinched.

“Let me give you some advice for your new role,” I said. “Don’t do that. No matter how unnerving your enemy is, don’t flinch in front of anyone. Be a rock, immovable and implacable. Something the emperor’s foes will shatter upon. Never show them your sweaty palms or racing heart because if you do, even once, they won’t take you seriously.”

I paused to make sure he’d heard me before continuing.

“And honor dead men’s wishes when you can. You never know when your positions will be reversed.”

Drawing himself up, Ryoko said, “I’m not afraid of you.”

A faint tremble still rested in the new commander’s hands, but I smiled despite that. There was no need to push him harder. Ryoko would learn.

“Good,” I said. “Make this who you are at all times.”

Ryoko’s lip twitched, and with a hand on my chest, he backed me into the far wall.

“I’ll get your mask,” he said.

After striding across the room, he paused with his hand on the door.

“And I’ll help your Ide if I can.”

The door clicked closed, and I dropped, boneless, to the floor. If that short of a time on my feet had turned my legs to water, then the next part would be fantastically *fun.*

It took quite a while for anyone else to visit, and when they did, I waited for them to approach me, conserving my strength. Whoever had entered the room didn’t bother to come closer. Something thumped on my chest, and lifting it into view, I took in the visage that I’d worn for twenty-one years.

“Get up.”

A royal guardsman stood nearby, toying with a set of shackles. He didn’t look happy, but with a bubble covering his nose and mouth, reading his exact expression was difficult.

“Are those necessary?” I asked, tilting my head toward the shackles. “I’ve been nothing but cooperative.”

Without a word, the guardsman rested a hand on his sword’s hilt, which had me pulling my lips thin. Rolling to my belly, I strained to reach my knees, and perhaps impatient with how long something that simple was taking, the guardsman hurried forward to jerk me to my feet. I muttered my thanks while he shifted from foot to foot.

He could wait. I had a mask to reapply.

On donning it, vulnerability was swept away from me, relaxing my muscles as it left. Then, steel clicked into place around my wrists.

So. This was going to happen. Unless I saw an opening, I’d be dead within the hour.

Why did that thought buoy me so much?

The guardsman tugged me into the hall with several others falling in at my sides, and we headed in a direction that I’d rarely traveled while living here. When Nokoribi had wanted to leave the palace, we’d taken secret bolt holes to reach Takanai. The only times we’d used the main entrance were doing Hiyuki’s few festivals or when a proclamation needed a royal touch.

That was where we stood now, though, with the massive doors flung wide, and as I stepped outside, I fluttered my eyes closed while my skin soaked in the sun’s warmth. I almost clenched my teeth to activate my emergency bubble, but why should I bother with it? Without one, each inhale might carry the acrid stench of sulfur and other toxins, but for some reason, knowing that I was breathing poison felt freeing. Finally, nothing stood between me and the empire I’d long served.

Or its people.

As the royal guardsmen forced me forward, I fully registered the hissing buzz that had been flitting about my ears. I’d thought it was the product of the steamworks, but after opening my eyes, I knew better.

A sea of people blanketed the incline between the edge of Takanai and the palace. Thousands of faces were lifted toward me, and even with bubbles concealing them, I could read their muted fury and murderous intent. It was what I’d sought in every person around me for two decades, and here, an overwhelming tide of it was directed at me.

Hell, if it didn’t feel right. I’d been Nokoribi’s bodyguard, after all. My job had been to draw hatred like this away from my friend. It seemed I was still doing that.

Ryoko’s gift of my mask indeed proved itself fortunate. If these people could have seen the sloppy grin hiding behind it, they’d have become a mob. They’d have torn me and the royal guard to shreds, and the next empress would need every protector she could claim.

If they found her.

As we made the trek up Mt. Teisu, I kept a vigilant eye peeled for anything that might give me an advantage. I had no qualms with fighting my way to freedom if I could, but not if it ended with me dead. What would be the point?

The longer we climbed, however, the more I stumbled. My beaten body was begging to surrender, and the crowd never once wavered in following us. A cloud of hissing growls trailed the royal guardsmen, who showed no sign of relaxing their attentiveness, especially where I was concerned.

I found it flattering. Did they think this wobbling, panting, weaving, lurching, pain-wracked, *pain!*

A hand cupped my elbow, steadying me.

“Almost there,” the guardsman at my side said.

He continued to help me, and I let him. I’d fall without him taking some of my weight, and when we arrived, I’d have to resume standing by myself. So, I let the man help for now.

Lifting my eyes off of the ground, I found Mt. Teisu’s peak not far ahead with people waiting there: the guilds' chairmen who’d come to observe the proceedings. They’d come to gloat, thinking they’d won, and at that, I couldn’t help a laugh from flinging forth.

I’d kept her from them. Even in death, she’d be *mine.*

Familiar faces were watching me, expressionless or bored. As was their wont.

The only one who was watching me with anything approaching sorrow was Taro, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. As a child, I’d fled to the steamworks, hoping to die, in an attempt at escaping that man’s guild. So when I stopped at the edge of Mt. Teisu’s smoking crater, why did the anguish in Taro’s eyes twist my own heart? Was it weakness?

Another chuckle ruffled unease through everyone who could hear it. Even now, that question plagues me. Why?

Why was I… why was *Hiyuki* so concerned with weakness?

Did it matter?

“Do you have anything to say?”

Sunada. That woman was standing apart from the others with her coal eyes isolating her.

With my brow furrowed, I cocked my head.

“Why would I?” I said.

Without invitation or command, I teetered my way onto the balcony that was jutting from the summit, but when my toes were hanging over the edge, I stopped. Far below, earth’s blood bubbled and stirred in its swirl of orange and yellow while steam rose to sting my eyes. Even this far from it, heat slicked sweat over my skin, making my clothes stick to me, and my mask was seared to my face. How much hotter would it be there?

“Something you should know.”

Jerking my gaze away from what would kill me, I turned to Arita, who'd come to a stop at my back. What more could that noxious man want?

“The lies you gave the rest? They were much appreciated,” he said. “Now that the girl’s served her purpose, we can kill her at our leisure.”

His grin bit into me, seeping numbness through my body.

The girl. Who’d served her purpose.

“She wasn’t working alone. Of course not. What competent assassin does that?” I said. “But *you?* I didn’t think you had the balls for it.”

Creeping one foot toward solid ground, I shifted my stance to something more stable, although I kept a foot hovering. Arita had exposed himself. If I looped my arms around him and pitched myself backward, I’d eliminate a threat to Hiyuki.

My job completed.

*“We,* not me,” Arita said.

Growling, I lunged for him, but the guild chairman was faster than I’d expected. When my balance was most compromised, Arita sent his hands speeding for my chest. He shoved me, and I flew into thin air.

It shrieked around me with earth’s blood coming far too quickly for me, but all I could see was Arita, leaning over the platform’s edge and beaming. He was the man who’d sent the assassin, the man who’d killed my best friend, and that…

NO. YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH IT.

My fall halted with a petulantly oozing plop, breaking bones and popping vital organs, and as something unimaginable howled through me, my skin was incinerated while my bones were blackened in an eyeblink. I inhaled to scream, and the steam from earth’s blood flooded my lungs. As it ate me from the inside out, one idea fixed itself in the center of my dying mind.

Revenge.

# Chapter Nine

*Voices fill the black, so disjointed and scattered, and I float among them.*

*“The crown prince has caused another scene, sir. He-”*

*“I told you to call me Raimie when we’re alone, Oswin. What did Eri do this-?”*

*And another set.*

*“Are you sure, madam? A loyalty to one ceremony?”*

*“Yes, I’m sure, Lihau, and you should start calling your future wife by-”*

*I burn through them, knowing not what propels me, caring not what the voices might be. All I remember is that I carry a purpose that has yet to be fulfilled, and such a debt I cannot bear. Behind me lies a betrayal, an EVIL, that I cannot abide, but before me, a solution awaits. I cannot say how I know this, only that I do, and I cannot… I will not…*

*THEY CANNOT GET AWAY WITH THIS.*

*The voices fall quiet, and with a laugh layered in thousands of tones, THEY reach for me, but I will not allow THEM to touch me. THEY carry the same taint as the evil left behind, although I cannot say what it is. THEY will not infect me. I will not be weakened.*

*A voice I know, one that has long been beloved, whispers through the black, separating itself from those who are seeking him. It’s one I long to hear.*

*“Find the truth, K.”*

*Something hot and yet cold, painful and yet incredibly soothing, rips through me, leaving a hole in my heart that is filled and emptied in the time it would take me to breathe.*

*I should be doing that, should I not?*

*The voice I know concedes to the ones that wish my pollution, and I scream to override their volume.*

*“I’m trying, ‘ribi!”*

*But the voices are so loud, and all I want is… is…*

*What?*

*A resolution. A fix for what has spread a wrinkle through the world at my back.*

*“No, no, NO! You’re not allowed-!” scream the voices.*

*Then, a hand of Peace, Restoration, and Truth comes at me from the side while another of Strife, Conflict, and… REVENGE approaches from the other, and what has been moving me isn’t strong enough to escape them. Taking hold, they fling me away and-*

I found the breath that had been eluding me.

When I opened my eyes, nothing but blue greeted me, and for a time, I just blinked at it. Where was I? Why was I here? What had happened?

Then, my eyes fluttered closed, and a captured image of my best friend splashed into my mind’s eye. Gasping, I shot upright while memories pummeled me, but the one that lingered after the last punch struck was Arita, smirking at me as I fell to my death.

“I’ll *kill* him!” I shouted, slamming a fist, into-

Grass. All around me, for as far as the eye could see, grass stretched, but this wasn’t like the small patch found within the palace. This was a treasure trove of it.

And the sky…

What was wrong with it? Blue had replaced its typical yellow color with no haze to mar it, and at its pinnacle lay-

I averted my gaze. Whatever that tangle of black and white, dark and light, had been, it had hurt to look upon, and after what had gotten me here, I wouldn’t willingly subject myself to more pain right now.

Hesitantly, I rested a trembling hand on my solid chest. I was alive. How?

I’d died, crushed by my impact with earth’s blood while drowning in its superheated steam. I remembered it, so much worse than anything I could have imagined. Fool that I was, I’d thought I’d been prepared for it, but now, I knew better.

Who could prepare for that?

“It’s ok,” I breathed. “It’s over.”

If it was over, though…

Where was I?

After standing, I took a moment to wonder at how normal I felt. No aches or pains were plaguing me. As I crossed this impossible landscape, I could swear that I hadn’t just been beaten and tossed into fire.

The novelty of this state faded after walking for a few hours. Or what felt like hours, at least. I couldn’t tell time without a clock or an arch of light overhead.

Nothing changed in this place. All I could find, no matter which direction I headed in, was grass and sky. Even the miracle of that green spread diminished after a while.

All that remained for me were worry and fear, although I’d never show them. When I considered whether I was in Katanti, the afterlife of those that earth and fire had deemed unworthy, my hands didn’t shake. When I wondered how long I might stay here, my feet never wavered in their path.

I did, however, occasionally stop, and I did, at times, tilt my head to briefly view the sky’s apex, letting the clash of black and white found there interrupt my racing thoughts.

After who knew how long, I sat down. I wasn’t the slightest bit tired. Despite having hiked for hours, I felt as if I’d just rolled out of bed.

No, walking merely seemed useless. Nothing about this place would ever change.

And then, it did.

From behind me, someone said, “Another one? How many of you are planning on coming here this century?”

I leapt to my feet, spinning toward the source of that noise, and when I reached for my non-existent pistol, the shock of touching its metal was almost enough to pull me out of my instinctual reaction to a threat. Instead, that honor went to the man standing in front of me.

With murky blue eyes and salted brown hair, the stranger had his hands on his hips. He was wearing a tattered suit, one that might once have been all pointed corners and sharp lines. Now, it hung from him in shreds, exposing the skin beneath its cloth, but the stranger didn’t seem to care. He surveyed the green landscape around us with his lips pursed.

“You’ve been here for a while,” he said. “Damnit. You better not have messed with anything.”

When his eyes landed on the pistol I’d aimed at him, he lifted his eyebrows.

“An essence that can manifest objects here?” he said under his breath. “That’s interesting.”

Then, he lifted his gaze to my face and froze, stiffening with his fingers twitching. Broken from my shock, I approached the stranger while drawing my sword. I didn’t know what was happening, but I’d stay armed until the threat had passed.

When I stopped in front of him, however, the stranger never moved, apart from his twitching fingers. I shoved him, but he merely rocked back upright, as if I hadn’t touched him.

“What in the-?” I murmured.

Laughter—booming chortles that bent the stranger over—answered me.

*“Finally,”* he gasped.

He leaned on his knees with his body shaking, and lowering my sword—not my pistol, though—I narrowed my eyes. Laughter like this seemed like an inappropriate response to a man threatening you with weapons, especially if he was dressed like I was.

Wait. Was I wearing my mask or my uniform?

As if summoned by my thoughts, I felt metal enfolding my face. Had my mask been hanging there the whole time, only noticed once I’d needed it? I didn’t remember feeling its comforting embrace while walking, but I could have overlooked the feeling, given everything else I’d been dealing with.

The stranger slapped his knees, snapping me out of my introspection. With sporadic chuckles still flying from him, he wiped tears from his eyes.

“Millennia, I’ve sought an answer to the disbalance in Hiyuki, and the answer was staring me in the face from the beginning,” he said. “Ships, I’m not often surprised anymore, but this one was worth the struggle to find it.”

Shaking his head, the stranger strode away from me.

“Give me a moment, Kasai,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll be with you shortly.”

He knew my name, something no one but Nokoribi had known for decades. That became the last straw needed to trigger the explosion that had been rigged inside of me.

Squeezing the pistol’s trigger, I fired thrice at the stranger, and thrice, he dodged my bullets with white light spurring that impossible feat on. Turning to me, he tapped his chin, seemingly unconcerned by my barely finished attempt on his life.

“She probably won’t like the mask,” he said.

With a gesture, he shot light at me, and I tried to duck the bolt, but it was zeroed on my face, following me. It impacted my head, but rather than receiving the second death I’d been expecting, my mask flew off of my face.

“Stay,” the stranger said.

As if I could move! My mind couldn’t handle the jumbled mess coursing through it, and so, my body remained frozen.

Grinning, the stranger took another step away from me, and without warning, a woman magically appeared where he’d been standing.

With hair the color of muddied straw and eyes like that of dirt, she held her hands to either side of her full lips with freckles spread over her pale cheeks and nose.

“ALOUIN!” she bellowed. “Where are-? Oh.”

When her eyes alighted on me, she lowered her hands.

“Aren’t you fascinating?” she said.

“Bren,” the stranger said behind her.

Jumping, the woman spun in place, letting her hand fly, and it swung with unerring precision into the stranger’s cheek.

“You *asshole!”* she growled. “Why do you insist on doing this? It’s been years since I doubted whether you could see the future. You don’t have to prove it to me anymore.”

“Bren-”

“What happened?” the woman continued over the stranger. “When I arrived in the antechamber, you weren’t there! That was our deal, wasn’t it? That you’d be there?”

“Bren-”

“No. Shut up. I shouldn’t have to find you, Alouin. Stop being so rude and-”

*“Would someone please explain what’s going on?”*

With my chest heaving, I fought to keep my pistol from quivering. It had been a long time, if ever, since danger like this had breathed down my neck, and it was certainly the first time I’d experienced this depth of terror.

The woman turned to me with her eyes wide and her mouth forming an O.

“I’m sorry!” she said, taking a step forward. “I should have introduced-”

A bang cut her off while a bullet rustled her hair as it passed overhead. She, wisely, stopped short.

“Stay where you are,” I barked, “and someone start talking.”

“Rude,” the woman muttered.

Really? That was how she responded to a threat like mine?

“You’ll have to forgive him,” the stranger said while touching the woman’s elbow. “He’s just died, after all.”

*“What?”* the woman shrieked.

“How do you know that?” I said on the tail end of her shout.

Sighing, the stranger shook his head while cracking his knuckles.

“Sorry, Bren,” he said. “It’s his turn now.”

In the next instant, light flashed, and with it following him, the stranger rushed me at an impossible speed. I got two shots off before he stepped inside my guard, and the next thing I knew, air was rushing from my lungs while an unnaturally blue sky stared down at me.

The stranger eclipsed this, wagging my weapons overhead, and when he pointed at me, shadows cascaded over his fingers. That dusky bolt shot to a spot beside my shoulder, spraying dirt all over my face.

“Show off,” the woman grumbled.

Ignoring her, the stranger offered me a hand up.

“If I wanted to hurt you, I’d already have done it,” he said.

Strong. That was all I could think. Finally, I’d found something I could understand.

Taking my weapons from the stranger, I accepted his help to my feet.

“It’s been a while since someone’s bested me,” I said. ‘Thank you for the reminder of my limitations.”

Shaking his head, the stranger sketched a quick bow, which made me feel awfully disconcerted.

“It is I who should thank you,” he said.

“Why would you say that?” I asked with a frown.

I’d done nothing to deserve his gratitude.

“Oh, ignore him,” the woman said. “He’s always saying cryptic bullshit like that. It’s rather annoying.”

She stopped beside the stranger before extending a hand.

“I’m Brennan Adams. Pleased to meet you.”

Shaking her offered hand, I said, “Amari Kasai.”

Still holding my hand, Adams whipped her head toward the stranger.

“I thought you said he was dead!” he said. “He feels solidly alive to me.”

“I’m also curious about my current state,” I said, “but first, may I know the name of my superior?”

Learning that and showing him proper respect would be in my best interest.

“Certainly,” the stranger said.

Sliding into a more solid stance, he bent toward me, keeping his eyes locked on mine while he was vulnerable. With his arms spread wide, light and shadow—his weapons, presumably—appeared in one hand apiece.

I could only blink at this display, worse than the one from before. The stranger was honoring me with a bow that was only given to the worthiest of heroes, those whose strength and sacrifice had proven crucial to the empire’s survival, and he’d just bested me. Why would he-?

“I’m Alouin,” the stranger said, “although I’ve gone by several names in your iteration, so it wouldn’t surprise me if you don’t recognize that one.”

I did, though. Vaguely. It was an itch at the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite scratch. Something to do with the empire’s founding.

“Great. We’ve all introduced ourselves,” Adams said. “Can we return to the ‘he’s dead’ subject now? He doesn’t look or feel like it.”

“I am, though. I think,” I said. “My emperor died, so I was condemned to feed earth and fire. I fell, and earth’s blood consumed me. That’s the last thing I remember before waking up here. Wherever here is.”

If someone could illuminate me on that, I’d appreciate it. This generalized sense of confusion had become… irritating.

“It’s his pocket world,” Adams said, jerking a thumb at Alouin. “What’s earth’s blood?”

*What was earth's blood?* What kind of question was that?

“Lava,” Alouin said.

…What was lava?

Whatever it was, Adams seemed to know the word.

“Oh,” she said before smashing a hand to her lips. “Oh my god. That’s horrible! Barbaric! I’m- I’m so sorry.”

Barbaric? I could see how the process of feeding earth and fire might come across as cruel but from ages long past? That seemed like an excessive descriptor.

“It’s how it’s done,” I said. “Forgive me, but who are you two? You must have come from outside the empire if you’ve never heard of our practices, and your appearances are strange. I’ve never seen hair so light before and your eyes… Have earth and fire not seen fit to bless you?”

Flushing, Adams crossed her arms while Alouin laid a hand on her shoulder.

“Careful. That’s a—” he started.

“What do you mean *we* look strange?” she interrupted. “I’ve seen a lot of weird shit while traveling, but you’re the first person I’ve run across with red eyes.”

“—sensitive subject,” Alouin finished with a groan.

The woman’s words pierced through me, and I resisted the urge to check whether my mask was hanging in place. Given that Alouin had knocked it off earlier, it couldn’t be there.

So, when metal abruptly brushed against my cheeks, I barely suppressed a yelp. Adams made the noise for me.

“What’s that?” she shouted. “Where did it come from?”

Despite its imparted comfort, I yanked the mask off of my face, tossing it into the distance.

Unnatural. It had appeared from *nowhere*. Not even the emperor’s powers could do that.

Alouin’s exaggerated sigh ripped through the sound of my thundering heart. With one arm wrapped around his chest, he was pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Would you two please stop? If I could get a word in edgewise, I might be able to explain,” he said. “Ships, you young people are excitable. Sit down.”

Without question, I followed my orders. Alouin was the stronger man, and there was no way that I’d ever challenge someone who could move so fast.

Adams didn’t seem to understand the danger she was in, considering she stayed on her feet.

“You’ll explain something without me incessantly pestering you beforehand?” she asked, suspiciously peering at him.

Pointing at the ground, Alouin said, “Just... sit down with me.”

Once everyone was situated, he folded his hands in front of his face.

“Amari Kasai *has* died, executed by his people,” he began, “but as you know, Bren, when someone dies, their essence goes to the space between realities for a time. They’re supposed to wait there until I can usher them on.”

Already, I had questions. What was this ‘space between realities’? What were essences? Where did Alouin usher them?

For the moment, however, I put my need for answers to the side. If required, I could ask them later, and I certainly wouldn’t interrupt someone who might be about to explain himself.

“Our friend here,” Alouin continued, pointing at me, “decided to be impatient. He was zipping about the space between realities so fiercely that he drew the attention of the major players. Calig and Lumin imposed upon *their* domain, giving our friend the push he needed to arrive here.”

Calig and Lumin? As in, the gods from centuries past? What did they have to do with what I’d experienced? Earth and fire, had I met those evil beings? If I had, how terrifying! At least they were something I could understand, though.

“Wait a minute. Calig and Lumin worked together?” Adams said. “Isn’t that… I don’t know. *Impossible?* Diametric opposites and all?”

I didn’t know what to make of this woman. She’d interrupted a man whose power dominated over everyone here. Did she not understand that she should defer to him?

“Their collusion happens on rare occasions,” Alouin said, “but it’s only in the direst of circumstances.”

…And he’d answered her questions. Perhaps Adams held more power than him, then. I couldn’t be sure. This whole conversation was making my head whirl.

“Which is why I need to ask a favor of you,” Alouin continued.

Flinging her hands in the air, Adams shook her head while leaning away from us.

“No. Oh, no,” she said. “The last favor you asked of me nearly saw me dead.”

“But you *didn’t* die,” Alouin said. “Plus, you’ll like this one. Trust me.”

“Like hell I will, you sociopathic maniac!” Adams said. “You’d let someone torture me to death if your agenda required it.”

“Then, let’s be grateful that it doesn’t,” Alouin said. “Look at him, Bren. He’ll ask me to help him no matter what I say otherwise, and I’ll oblige him. I’ll send him home, and if you’re not there to save him, he’ll die again. In the same manner.”

While Adams regarded me, I did my best to hide my confusion. At some point in the conversation, I’d gotten lost, despite my temporary recovery, and now, I’d fallen far beyond where I could recover its thread.

Whatever Adams saw in me made her jaw bunch, and she hissed through clenched teeth.

“You’ve seen this in your future?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“How long would I be there?”

“A month at most,” Alouin said, “and then, we’ll get back to finding your home.”

Closing her eyes, Adams emptied her lungs, which relaxed her tense frame.

“Fine,” she said. “Which door?”

“My unlocked memory says it’s two to the right from Brighde’s,” Alouin said. “And Bren? Best to leave Ailig at the rift this time. UV light’s sparse there.”

“Great,” Adams drawled. “Anything else I should know?”

“Not that I can share at this time,” Alouin said.

“Which means I’ll be facing all sorts of difficulties. Shit.”

Clapping her knees, Adams flowed to her feet.

“I’ll be off, then,” she said. “See you soon… Amari Kasai, right?”

She turned her brown eyes on me, and for a moment, my mind stalled. I could speak now?

“That’s right, although not many will know me by that name,” I said. “To the Hiyukian Empire, I’m merely the emperor’s bodyguard.”

“Oh, goody,” Adams muttered. “That means Hiyuki’s a primitive society, most likely. At least it’ll be different.”

And she disappeared.

Much as I might like to, I didn’t rock back from this phenomenon. That would show weakness, but then, so would me rubbing my temples, as I was. I snatched my hand free of my skin, diving them into my lap, but the damage was done. Alouin was watching me with an amused smile.

“You’re confused,” he said.

I refused to open my mouth, matching my red eyes to his blue ones.

“You won’t admit it, even though your confusion is warranted,” Alouin continued. “I’d be surprised if you understood that conversation, given Hiyuki’s isolation from other iterations, but hiding confusion… ‘weakness’ is part of your culture. Ah, well.”

He examined me as if evaluating my character.

“You don’t need to understand,” he eventually pronounced. “You’ll do what you will do, even if you’re ignorant of your action’s consequences. All you need to know, Kasai, is that you have a choice in front of you: I can usher your essence to what waits beyond. If you took this option, you’d be at peace. Or I can return you to your body. You’ll get your revenge, but you will also find pain on that path.”

My thoughts had caught on the word ‘revenge’, making the first choice a non-option. I couldn’t take it, even if I’d wanted to, but…

“How?” I asked. “How can you give me life after my body has been destroyed?”

The smile tugging on Alouin’s lips widened.

“You show wisdom,” he said. “Most people would jump on their heart’s desire without regard to how it might affect themselves or others.”

Snorting, I said, “‘ribi always thought I was unusual. ‘Better than most’. His words, not mine.”

I’d certainly argue that assessment.

“Perhaps your friend was right,” Alouin said with a shrug. “As for the answer to your question, I can rewind time, to a certain extent. I can reverse your timeline to a point before ‘earth’s blood’ melted your body, but if I do, it will carry a cost. Fortunately for you, the price won't be high. It won’t hurt me, and the benefits I’ll reap from it would far outweigh any detriments I might gain.”

“You sound like you want me to go,” I said.

“That’s because I do.”

Alouin’s smile vanished, and with its loss, I found myself sitting across from a monster. His cold eyes, analyzing me, sent shivers across my body while the lack of… *anything* in them was the most unnerving sight I’d beheld in my life. Should I follow such a creature’s design?

But like a magnet, revenge tugged on me. Nokoribi deserved justice for his murder, and I would get it for him.

“What do you need from me?” I asked.

The coldness in Alouin’s eyes spread across his face while a self-satisfied smirk bloomed.

“Just your wrist,” he said, “and a promise that you won’t panic when you return to the living world.”

“I won’t panic,” I said.

When I offered him my wrist, Alouin took it with his fingers playing at the air.

“That’s what they all say,” he said under his breath.

He poked my forehead, and I fell through the grass and into the darkness beyond.

# Chapter Ten

Wind whipped through my hair while strands of it lashed against my face. Heat swelled around me in an explosion of steam, and a hated face hovered above, smirking.

Why did this seem familiar?

I was falling into earth’s blood again, and as I realized the depth of pain that I’d soon be experiencing once more, I flailed, even knowing that I couldn’t change what was coming.

*Damn* Alouin to Katanti-

Something smashed into me while force drove me toward the wall of Mt. Teisu’s crater, but reaching it wouldn’t be any better of a fate than my fall had been. Eaten by fire or splattered on slightly less searing stone. Which would I prefer?

To my amazement, my speed slowed and stopped, and I watched between my dangling feet as an ornithopter dropped into the earth’s blood below.

“Hell, you’re heavy,” someone hissed. “Would you *pay attention* and *help me?”*

Snapping my head up, I spied Adams above me, which had my mouth dropping open. Wearing clothing suitable for a wealthier Hiyukian, she’d dyed her hair black, and darkened spectacles were hanging from her ears. She was clinging to the wall with metal slippers and a shimmering hand, extending a pair of translucent gloves to me, and somehow, I was dangling from her by an unseen attachment, a fact that made me much more eager to do as she’d asked.

Taking what Adams was offering, I pulled strangely cool… liquid? over my fingers and palms, and once they’d started shimmering like hers, I found handholds for myself. Above the popping bubble of earth’s blood, I heard my boots hiss, and the smell of melting rubber drifted to my nose.

Meanwhile, Adams pressed a button on her belt, and once that was finished, I took my full weight. Far distant shouts accompanied the guilds' chairmen as they peered over the balcony, but before I could panic, Adams tossed a cloth over us.

“They’ll still see us,” I said.

At that, Adams chuckled while fiddling with something on the cloth’s edge. Once she was done, the air beneath it became less oppressively hot, and my boot’s sizzing fell silent, which had me thanking earth and fire. My toes had been starting to burn.

I didn’t know how the cloth covering us wasn’t turning to cinders, but then again, I also wasn’t sure how these gloves were keeping my fingertips from getting seared off or why Adams seemed so calm.

“I doubt they’ll see us hanging here,” she said.

Indeed, every gaze that turned our way slid over the spot where we were hiding, and after shaking their heads or exchanging comments, the guilds' chairmen left. We waited while the summit slowly emptied.

After a while, Adams said, “Well, Amari. You’re officially dead.”

Laughing, I forced myself not to hug the crater’s wall.

“Don’t panic indeed,” I gasped. “That *bastard.”*

“Who, Alouin? That’s an understatement. Trust me,” Adams said. “Are you ready to get out of here? The crowd around the crater probably won’t notice us now.”

Glancing at what had nearly killed me *again,* I suppressed a shudder.

“Please.”

Pulling metal rings from beneath her jacket, Adams gave one to me. She pointed out an indentation in its side before sliding hers over her fingers like one part of paired brass knuckles.

“Point it where you want the threads to go,” she said. “Then, rest your thumb in the hollow, and it’ll do the rest.”

As if to demonstrate, she lifted her arm, and glowing, blue lines shot from her fist to the precipice. She swept the cloth covering us to the side in time for her to spring toward the sky, suspended by nothing more than lines of light.

Gaping, I watched her ascent until she’d rolled over the crater’s edge, and after hanging her head into view, she waved for me to follow.

I had so many questions, a host of them threatening to batter down my mind’s door, but they’d have to wait. The only person who might give me answers was lying belly-first above me and…

Did I need to understand how and why I was alive or how and why Adams had saved me? Did I need answers to take my revenge?

Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever the case might be, I’d become a ghost in a city that wanted me dead, hanging over what they’d meant to kill me. Finding safety had become my top-

No. My *only* priority.

I aimed the metal ring at a spot beside Adam’s head, pretending it was my pistol. When I touched my thumb to the indentation, sparkling blue light dazzled my eyes before something yanked me off of the wall.

Wind tore at my hair once more, and every time I swung toward stone, I winced. In each of those instances, however, something repulsed me before I could be flattened into jelly, and I’d have been more grateful for that if the summit weren’t approaching more quickly than I’d anticipated.

On reaching the crater’s edge, I fumbled for a hold with my fingers unable to maintain a good grip, and when the blue strings vanished, I panicked. Even as I scrabbled at loose stones, I knew that retaining my hold was a lost cause. I’d fall, and nothing would catch me this time.

The steam of earth’s blood would ooze down my throat once more.

Hands pinned my wrists in place, and as I looked into darkened spectacles and a pale face, something pleasantly warm zapped up my arms with the hair on them standing on end. The world slowed down for me. I felt Adams’ fingers curling under my skin and watched her lips moving, but I couldn’t hear her.

Until her nails dug into my arms.

*“Help me!”* she hissed.

With Adams holding me in place, I rolled over the edge, landing on my back. Staring at a smog-coated sky, I laughed, shaking so intensely that I curled on myself. I dug my fingers into igneous pebbles, reveling at the sharp prick of their heat on my skin.

“I’m alive,” I gasped.

“Yes,” Adams said, “and we need to get you into hiding before anyone else realizes it.”

She was standing over me, rifling through a satchel at her feet.

Pointing across the crater, she said, “Hopefully, the people who’ve lingered won’t look our way.”

On the other side, several citizens were leaning over the balcony’s end, perhaps hoping to catch a glimpse of a failed bodyguard’s remnants.

“Vultures,” I muttered.

Melding my body with the ground, I created as low of a profile on the horizon as I could.

“Here.”

Adams lowered a bubble into my field of view, and snatching it from her, I donned it, letting my shoulders loosen when the taste of sulfur faded. She took the mask that I’d removed, stashing it in her satchel.

“I’ll give you the rest of your disguise once we’re less exposed,” she said. “Let’s get off this weird volcano first.”

With her satchel thrown over her shoulder, Adams marched toward sprawling Takanai, and I crept after her.

Or I tried to.

I made it about ten steps before my legs gave out. I might have been healed while in Alouin’s domain, but if that man had reversed my timeline by only a few seconds, then my body was still broken and weak from my time in the palace’s dungeon. In the rush of my rescue, I’d forgotten.

“What’s the matter?” Adams asked. “Are you hurt?”

Only everywhere.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Everything just caught up with me. Let me-”

I struggled to reach my feet, wobbled a bit, and promptly fell down once more. Adams squatted in front of me with her lips pursed behind her bubble.

“You’re not fine. God, what is it with the people I meet and their insistence on toughing it out?” she snapped. “Tell me what happened. Maybe I can fix it.”

Could I admit to this weakness? Which would be worse: Concealing my body’s state and limping along or sharing what was wrong with Adams and getting healed? Which would more quickly get me to revenge?

“I took a beating while in the dungeon,” I said. “From what I cataloged while enduring it, I have several cracked ribs, a crushed toe along with a few minor fractures elsewhere in my foot, and bruises everywhere. I might be bleeding internally too, but I couldn’t say for sure, just like I’m not sure if I’ve listed everything that’s wrong with me. After a bit, I started losing track of what was happening to which body part.”

While I’d been telling her about my injuries, Adams had cradled her forehead in her hands, and once I’d finished, she massaged it.

“Ok. I’ve already used tech from other iterations here more than I’d planned but babysitting you while you recover sounds nauseating. Although maybe…” she said before clicking her tongue. “Please tell me that Hiyuki’s medical field is more advanced than everything else I’ve seen here.”

Scowling, I said, “If you’re asking how I’d normally treat injuries like this, then the answer’s simple. I’d take several doses of kalim and padun, the first for a boost in concentration and the second for pain relief. I’d find a way to support my broken bones before swallowing a packet of jatcha to stop the possible internal bleeding. Then, I’d wait to heal, but I wouldn’t be an annoyance while doing that; I promise. I’ve served my emperor in worse states than this.”

“Of course you have,” Adams said. “Well, if you can make it down the mountain, I can get you… your… drugs…”

Trailing off, she frowned at my lap, and when I looked down to find what had caught her attention, I’d have leapt backward if I’d had the energy for it. Every item I’d listed was lying between my sprawled legs.

Where only rock had been a moment before.

“Hmm,” Adams hummed. “Well? Take your meds, stupid. We’ll consider that bit of strangeness once we’re off of this mountain.”

Disconcerting as it was for things to randomly *appear from nowhere,* I knew Adams was right. So, I jabbed my skin with hypos and dumped a packet of powder into my mouth before accepting her help up. She supported my first limping steps, but when numbness had finished suffusing my body, I shook her off, testing my range of motion as we hiked down Mt. Teisu’s slight incline.

At the mountain’s base, Adams pulled me to the side before we could plunge into the capital city. One by one, she gave me a set of darkened spectacles, an oversized coat, and a floppy hat.

“I wasn’t sure what size to get you,” she said. “Our first meeting was a couple of weeks ago for me, so I had to guess it from what I remembered, although I suppose that doesn’t matter. The point was to drown your form in cloth.”

Raising my arms with the jacket’s sleeves drooping from them, I chuckled.

“You managed that goal,” I said. “Do I pass as a downtrodden?”

“I don’t know what that is but…”

Surveying me, Adams tapped her chin.

“You’ll do for now,” she said. “We’ll get you a better disguise once we reach my hideout.”

Hideout? She’d been busy.

With Adams taking the lead on our trek, I could observe the city around us. Walking through it, knowing that anyone who pierced through this disguise would rip me to shreds, felt strange. With each street we ventured down, Nokoribi’s absence at my side twisted the dagger in my heart one more turn, and it took everything I had to focus on my surroundings and not my loss.

Angry energy was buzzing in Takanai. People went about their business with a tension that infected everyone around them. No one stopped for pleasant conversation, and I heard little laughter. Even the beggars kept quiet, timidly lifting their bowls overhead instead of loudly pleading.

The people’s silence made the city’s clattering gears all the more deafening. When a squealing hiss split the air, everyone flinched at the audible and abrupt evidence of the steamworks’ presence.

These changes made sense, though, Hiyuki’s Blessed Emperor had died, and no heir stood ready to replace him. The empire had no one to commune with the earth, and if the situation was left like this for too long, the people knew what would come. They were waiting for lurching stone, spewing fire, and raining ash with dread. How many more days of peace did Hiyuki have left?

When Adams ducked into a private abode’s fenced yard, it came as a relief. I followed her to the rear of the house, examining the building’s soot-streaked paint, but on turning the corner, I stopped short.

In the privacy found beside an emergency channel, chitinous spikes formed kakan plants and junom bushes, and an older man was plodding between these plants, watering them. Once he’d quenched each one’s thirst, he shook hiryo powder on their tallest spikes, waiting beside them to make sure that fertilizer continued falling downward.

All of this took my breath. All of it was the epitome of illegal activity.

As Adams crunched over the stony roots toward him, the old man glanced up, and his wiry body started dropping into an attack form I recognized before a smile brightened his wrinkled face.

“Brennan!” he exclaimed. “You’ve returned. How was the execution?”

“It went as expected,” Adams… or was it Brennan? said. “I’ve brought a friend home.”

She gestured for me to join her, but while I did as she wanted, I also kept a careful eye on the old man.

“I’ll make introductions,” Brennan said. “Amari, this is-”

“Zhao,” I interrupted. “Imada Zhao.”

The old man crossed his arms in an attempt to beguile me, but I saw him lowering his center of gravity while spreading his feet.

“Oh?” Zhao said. “Do I know you?”

I didn’t once consider concealing my identity from this man. If Zhao didn’t already know who I was, he’d figure it out soon enough. Best to get whatever might come from that revelation over with now.

“I should hope so, *maiyaru.* I would hate to see your skills so badly rusted,” I said. “Did Nokoribi know about this gardening project of yours?”

Zhao’s ready stance wavered.

“Kasai?” he breathed with his voice trembling. “Is it really you?”

“Please,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You expect me to believe that the retired head of ‘ribi’s intelligence network didn’t penetrate this terrible disguise in the moment he saw me?”

“You’re supposed to be dead,” Zhao whispered.

It was my turn to cross my arms, matching my potential opponent’s vulnerability.

“She saved me,” I said, inclining my head toward Brennan.

*“That’s* why you were so intent on the execution’s details!” Zhao said.

When we both stared at her, Brennan threw her hands overhead.

“Of course I’d pick the home of someone you know as a hideout,” she growled. “What else should I have expected? It’s just my goddamn luck.”

Speaking of hideouts and the reason I needed one.

Sliding into a stance to match the old man’s, I glared at him.

“Will you turn me in?” I asked. “If we have to fight, I’d rather do it now.”

“You’d trust an old operative’s word?” Zhao said before shaking his head. “I taught you better than that.”

I failed to respond, as answering his question seemed pointless. He knew what I’d say.

When Zhao relaxed, though, I barely kept my surprise from showing. What was he doing? The Zhao I knew didn’t break the law like this. He didn’t stand by while a crime was committed.

Then again, he *did* have a very illegal garden in his backyard.

“You’d have died before letting harm come to Nokoribi, and if you couldn’t protect him, you’d have run yourself through after he died, unable to live without your best friend,” Zhao said. “Given that, the only reason you’re standing here is that you plan to bring his murderer to justice. I want that, more than anything, and…”

He looked away.

“Nokoribi told me this might happen. I’ve been preparing for it, all while hoping it would never come to pass.”

Zhao glanced back at me when I stayed silent, and on seeing my open skepticism, he clicked his tongue. He proceeded to disarm himself, making knives appear from hiding spots across his body. Dropping a pistol on the pile’s apex, he retreated from it, allowing me access if I wanted it.

When I didn’t move, Zhao said, “I’ve always thought of you and Nokoribi as my sons. So, even if the operative in me is screaming to bring the news of your survival to the closest outpost, I won’t. Whoever killed the emperor needs to die. Painfully. And it’s your responsibility to do it. I won’t turn you in.”

Was he telling the truth? One way or the other, nothing in the world could tell me for sure, and no one should give an operative, even one who was retired, their trust.

I couldn’t do anything, however, to change Zhao’s eventual decision about me. All I could do was stay vigilant for his possible betrayal.

Forcing myself to relax, I bowed, and Zhao rearmed, although he tossed several weapons my way, including the pistol.

The illegal pistol. In the illegal garden. What had happened to Zhao since he’d left Nokoribi’s service?

“I’m confused as hell,” Brennan said, “but if you two have finished posturing, perhaps we can go inside, away from prying eyes. We have a lot to talk about.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” I said.

Wearily nodding, Zhao trudged for a door into his home, and Brennan waited until he’d disappeared before speaking up again.

“Kasai?”

“Yes, Brennan?”

Whipping the spectacles off of her face, she pointed at me with narrowed eyes.

“Your home’s fucking weird.”

And she flounced through the door. Shaking my head, I followed her.

# Chapter Eleven

Zhao had done well for himself since retiring. His modest, two-story home reminded me of a mid-level guild member’s domicile, one that spoke of coziness and comfort.

Its outer walls had been painted to resemble the wood found in the trees of old, and inside, poured walls descended from the ceiling to waist-level before switching to metal. Not as much cloth was draped from the ceilings in here as I’d grown accustomed to in the palace, but some did drift through the air, giving the place’s halls and rooms a softened look that they could never otherwise find.

Most impressive, however, was each room’s self-contained atmosphere. I marveled at these, even as I pushed through one barrier’s viscous material and into the space beyond.

A fire pit with incense sticks strewn around it occupied the center of the room while pillows were scattered like detritus across the floor, and organza curtains diffused the yellow light streaming through the windows along the ceiling.

While Brennan dove into the pillows, I sat beside the fire pit, watching Zhao pour drinks at an elegant sideboard.

Seeing the old man had done me good, I decided. After the pain of the last few days, finding a familiar face, one who might be an ally, made a knot in my stomach relax, if only a little. When I’d heard that the old man wouldn’t stop my quest for vengeance, I’d almost forgotten how many times Zhao had knocked me on my ass during my training or how deep of a betrayal it had been when he’d left.

Of course, that didn't negate my worry over how long his deliberate ignorance of my survival would last.

Handing me a glass, Zhao took a position far from the door, in the room’s most vulnerable position. How much effort was he putting into placating me?

“How are you holding up, *ko?”* Zhao asked.

He took a sip of his drink to assure his guests that poison hadn’t come into contact with it, but I still sniffed at mine before swirling its contents.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

With a sigh, Zhao said, “Please don’t. I remember when my emperor died, gone in his final communion with the earth. I was devastated, and Yukinaga and I were nowhere near as close as you and Nokoribi were. He was your brother in all but name and blood.”

Well did I remember the months after I’d been summoned to the palace. Well did I remember Zhao’s intensity when he’d been training me to take his place. Well did I recall his inexplicable bouts of anger and the times when he'd abandoned me to my own devices, all while precious water—tears—had spilled over his face.

And everyone knew that the former emperor and his bodyguard had never liked each other. If that weren’t enough, Yukinaga had died of natural causes, hence why Zhao was still breathing. My emperor, my best friend, had been murdered.

“I’ll survive,” I said.

I rubbed at my burning eyes while Zhao regarded me with… pity?

“Nokoribi always told me that I’d taught you too well,” he said. “He said I killed a part of you.”

“Maybe you did,” I said. “I don’t see how it matters unless it relates to getting revenge.”

“Is that what this is about?” Brennan asked.

Damn, I’d almost forgotten she was here. With her drink already emptied, she was lounging in the pillows with her hands folded on her stomach.

“I hate revenge stories. They never end well for anyone,” she said. "Maybe I should leave. I’ve already saved your life, as Alouin asked. From what I can remember, he didn’t need anything else from me here.”

Surprisingly, I didn’t want Brennan to go, but I didn’t know why that was. Did I want answers for the many strange things I’d seen while around her?

Yes. That must be it. It was the only logical explanation for the strange feeling I experienced at the idea of her gone.

So, when Brennan rocked to her feet, I caught her hand, ignoring the sensation of crawling skin that always came when I touched someone else.

“Please,” I said. “Stay.”

I could feel her eyes on me, but nothing could drag my gaze away from the smoking incense burners, scattered along the room’s edge. When I curled my fingers around her hand, she didn’t force me to release her. She sat back down, and only then did I take a breath.

“Maybe I didn’t kill that part of you as thoroughly as Nokoribi thought,” Zhao said under his breath.

Flicking my eyes to him, I frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“Ok. Stop me if I’ve got this wrong,” Brennan said. “You, Kasai, were the bodyguard of this place’s emperor, a man you loved like a brother. Something bad happened, and during it, the emperor died. For some reason, everyone in this backward iteration blamed you for his death, which got you executed, and now that you’ve been *rescued from execution,* you want to waste your life looking for the person who killed your friend so you can exact your revenge. Sound about right?”

“Almost,” I said.

“Wait a minute. Before we get into details, let’s make sure we’re safe,” Zhao interjected. “Did anyone see Brennan rescuing you? Will anyone come knocking at my door in the middle of the night, looking for you?”

“I doubt it,” I said. “The only one who saw Brennan pluck me from mid-air was Arita, and I don’t consider him a threat.”

While silence descended, I took a sip of my drink. If it had been poisoned, Brennan and Zhao would likely have shown symptoms of it by now.

*“Arita?”* Zhao sputtered. “One of the most influential guild chairs in Takanai witnessed your rescue, and he’s not a threat?”

“Of course not,” I said, once more swirling my drink. “He’ll be dead soon.”

Another silence fell, and in it, I observed my companions. Brennan looked bored, watching me through drooping eyelids, but Zhao… not so much. His face had reddened while he repeatedly opened and closed his mouth, which was a much greater emotional reaction than I'd expected from him. He’d been out of the game for too long.

“You think he caused Nokoribi’s death,” he eventually said.

“He as much as admitted it before pushing me off of the summit,” I said. “The girl who did the deed was only a tool. Arita and his compatriots were her guiding hand.”

“So, what’s your plan, then?” Brennan asked. “Go in and murder this Arita?”

So much sarcasm had dripped from those questions that I almost took offense to it, but I could understand where Brennan was coming from. She very obviously wasn't from here, meaning she probably didn't conform to or understand Hiyuki's customs. She didn't know everything I was capable of, and... she had a point about my recent escape from death.

Still.

“No, simply killing him would be stupid,” I said. “I'll find him, torture his co-conspirators’ identities from him, and *then,* I'll kill him, in the manner he deserves.”

Sitting up, Brennan flung a pillow into her lap.

“Men,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Always resorting to violence first, and never looking for another way. All so they seem strong.”

*Find the truth, K.*

Something unpleasant jolted through me as I spun on Brennan with my teeth bared.

“You don’t know,” I spat. “You didn’t spend your life protecting your best friend, the only person you ever loved, only to have vines separate you while those same tendrils riddled his body until he barely looked human. You didn’t hold him while he fought to live. You don’t see that image every time you close your eyes. I will *annihilate* Arita and everyone else who ended my friend’s life. They will *wish they’d never known us.* Don’t condescend to me when you could never hope to understand.”

Brennan coolly regarded me until she was certain I was finished.

“I do, actually. Understand, that is,” she said. “I’ve held a friend while he struggled to breathe, begging every power I once considered holy to heal him. They didn’t. He died. So yes, I understand. And that’s why I’ll make inquiries into this… Arita, was it? You stay here, dead man. We can discuss our next steps when I return.”

Setting her glass on the fire pit’s lip, Brennan got to her feet, all while I fought to close my gaping mouth. She'd spoken with such *passion,* so much empathy and derision swirled together, that I was stunned as she walked across the room. She paused at Zhao’s side on her way out.

“Will you show him our agreed-upon quarters?” she asked.

When Zhao nodded, she stormed out of the room, and I struggled to collect myself.

“Strong, isn’t she?” my old mentor eventually asked.

“Yes,” I mumbled.

I couldn’t tear my eyes off of the curtain she’d disappeared through.

“I can see why you like her,” Zhao said.

I *liked* her?

Whipping my head toward him, I snapped, “What?”

“Nothing, *ko,”* Zhao said with a chuckle. “She made a good point about scouting for us. No one in Hiyuki knows her face yet... but I know you might not agree with my assessment. Let me at least show you to your room before you make any plans for the afternoon.”

He led me to the second floor, stopping in a chamber that overlooked the nearby emergency channel. Two, narrow beds lined the walls, one of which was already mussed with clothes strewn across it.

“We’re sharing a room?” I asked.

“Yes,” Zhao said. “I’m not terribly worried by the prospect, though.”

Shouldn’t he be? A man and a woman, unbound by oath, sharing a room seemed like a recipe for scandal, no matter how far-fetched *I* found the idea, but Zhao merely strolled to the far wall, placing a hand on a metal panel near the floor.

“I haven’t shown her this,” he said, looking back at me.

When I nodded, he pushed on the panel, swinging it open once it had clicked. Behind it lay weapons aplenty: swords, knives, pistols, and their requisite bullets. Several changes of clothes waited there too, from court dress to street attire to stealth wear. A cloak was folded beside these outfits, but my most coveted items hung on the back of the panel.

Masks, bearing all sorts of visages, leered at me, and ripping my spectacles off of my nose, I snatched the closest one to secure it to my face.

“I thought you might appreciate these,” Zhao said. “You’ve always had such a fixation with hiding your eyes.”

Hunching my shoulders, I said, “You know why I do it.”

I inspected the weapons while Zhao decided how to respond.

“Yes,” he soon said, “I know.”

There was such pity in his voice! Earth and fire, I never should have shared the story of my childhood with him.

“Why do you have this?” I asked, waving at the improvised vault.

“Nokoribi told me to prepare, remember? Collecting these weapons was a part of that,” Zhao said. “What will you do, *ko?* Will you wait for Brennan? Patience has never been your strong suit.”

I badly wanted to hunt Arita down *now* but…

“I’ll let Brennan have her chance,” I said.

“You’ve grown.”

Hefting a short sword, I got to my feet, swinging the blade to get accustomed to its weight.

“This grown man would like to wait for her in solitude,” I said. “Unless you want to practice with me?”

I lifted the sword’s point toward Zhao, who raised his hands.

“No. From what I’ve heard, you’ve far surpassed me. I'll give you space,” he said. ‘Besides, you and Brennan interrupted me while I was caring for my plants. You can enjoy stabbing your invisible enemies by yourself.”

He left, and when the door snicked closed behind him, I stripped off my coat and shirt, imagining Arita tied to the chair in front of me.

“Why did you do it?” I asked, lunging with the blade. “Why did you kill him? Why threaten Hiyuki like this?”

Slowly, precisely, I hacked my enemy to pieces.

# Chapter Twelve

Brennan returned once light had faded from the world. After hours spent cooped in Zhao’s house, I’d become a storm cloud of energy, threatening to burst free at any moment. Desperate for an outlet, I was buzzing about the kitchen, helping my old mentor prepare a meal.

It was a meal that had far more food than three people alone could consume in it. Noting the excess, I didn’t enquire about it. Zhao would have his reasons for it, and whatever they were, I could use them against him if I needed to, leveraging him to stay away from operative outposts, but for now, I held the question close to heart, watching the old man while I helped with our dinner.

When a door slammed, I lowered my kitchen knife to the counter, listening to the approaching footsteps. They sounded light enough to be Brennan’s, but still, I slunk into the shadows while Zhao moved to intercept.

Drawing a newly acquired knife, I got ready to throw it while caressing my dagger’s hilt, but I left the pistol at the small of my back. If this was an intruder, that weapon would make far too much noise while dispatching them. There was no need to draw more attention to this house than I must.

“Brennan, you look well,” Zhao said. “How did your investigation go?”

At her grunted response, I relaxed. Returning to where I’d been fileting rakshan meat, I moved my knife in a blur.

The buzz beneath my skin ramped in intensity the closer my companions drew to me, although they stopped in the doorway to watch while I wrapped meat around kakan nuts.

“Did he rest at all?” Brennan asked.

“No, and I know better than to stop him when he gets like this,” Zhao said. “I praised that determination during his training but now…”

Sighing, Brennan handed over a bulging bag.

“More of the meds he manifested while we were descending the volcano,” she said. “There should be enough kalim, padun, and jatcha in there to keep him going until he’s fully healed.”

Jerking away from her, Zhao said, “Those are highly illegal medicines. How did you…?”

As he trailed off, he glanced between Brennan and me.

“Wait. What do you mean he ‘manifested’ these things?”

“We should probably talk about that,” Brennan said. “When we spoke earlier, he and I left out a lot, which was my fault really. I was frustrated. Needed to get out of here."

*“You* were frustrated? What about me?” I said. “And *maiyaru,* if you have questions, you could just ask them. I’m right here.”

Switching a finished dish out for the one I’d prepared, I cleaned my knife in the sink, listening to gears grind as they brought forth a trickle of water. Once I had enough of that, I shut the stream off and set to scrubbing.

I’d nearly finished preparing our dinner, and once I was done, I didn’t know what I’d do. The energy crackling through me already had me dancing from foot to foot. How would I handle it when I no longer had a way to release it?

And still, Brennan and Zhao stood in the doorway, watching me.

“Would you two set the table?” I growled. “We’re almost ready to eat.”

Zhao sprang into action, but Brennan strolled forward to lean on the counter beside the sink.

“So, you can cook,” she said.

“Of course I can,” I said. “How else would ‘ribi have eaten if the palace’s staff rebelled against him?”

Brennan shook her head, pursing her lips.

“You’re the most paranoid person I’ve ever met,” she said.

“I’m not paranoid enough,” I said.

And because of that, Nokoribi had died.

The knife I was cleaning slipped in my grasp, slicing an arc of cool fire across my palm, and as blood welled, I dropped the blade, wrapping my wound in a towel.

“Zhao,” I said, “packet of jatcha, please.”

With his eyebrows raised, the old man dug through Brennan’s provided bag before tossing the requested item my way. I ripped the packet open with my teeth, sprinkling the powder found inside over my wound. At its contact with the drug, an already slowed flow of blood stopped while a crust formed over the gash.

“Interesting,” Brennan said. “Hiyuki’s medical field is more advanced than I expected.”

“This is only a stopgap,” I said. “I’ll still need stitches after the scab dissolves.”

“Still. That’s… but why am I letting you distract me?” Brennan said, glaring at me. “How much do you want to tell him?”

She dipped her head toward Zhao, which had me watching him finish his assigned task. How much could someone trust an operative?

Then again, what did I have to lose? My life? It was no longer mine. Again.

“He can know it all,” I said.

“Are you sure?” Brennan said. “He might think we’re delusional-”

“Brennan. All of it.”

She glanced up at me, running her eyes over my form, and everywhere they landed, itching energy swelled until I couldn’t keep still. I drummed my fingers on my legs to appease it.

“God, you’re intense when you’re focused,” Brennan said.

I was?

Shrugging, I checked on the stove before joining Zhao at the table. With my mask peeled off, I set it beside my plate while Brennan sat uncomfortably close to me.

Sandwiched between a relative unknown and a possible enemy, I forced myself to relax, ignoring the panic that was fighting to break through. Zhao gave me a nod of approval, but Brennan, seemingly oblivious to how she’d trapped me, started serving herself food from what lay in front of us.

What should I make of this woman? She seemed competent, but at times, she’d pull shit like this. She was a strange amalgamation of strengths and weaknesses, and I didn’t know what to do with her.

That was a lie. I knew one thing I wanted from her: what she’d learned about Arita today. The energy inside of me demanded it, but she was right. We needed to share our story, getting everyone on the same page, before continuing on.

Which meant I’d have to trust Zhao with more than I already had. Damn, but he wouldn’t like this story. He’d never believed in the mystical, even when he’d been presented with proof of it as Yukinaga’s bodyguard. How would he take everything that Brennan and I meant to share?

Probably not well.

As soon as Brennan had finished filling her plate, I snatched rakshan rolls from their platter for my own. I dug into my meal with Brennan following suit, but Zhao didn’t move, eyeing us instead. Ignoring him, I enjoyed the work of our hands, even if he wouldn’t.

As soon as it was given, I used the excuse of removing a dish from the oven to trade places with Brennan, regaining my avenue of escape as a result, but when my stomach lay heavy with food and I reached for my mask, it wasn’t where I’d left it. I met Brennan’s mischievous grin with an extended hand.

Shaking her head, she said, “Are all Hiyukians as averse to conversation as you two?”

“Please, give it back,” I said through gritted teeth.

“No. I like your eyes,” Brennan said. “You want to cover them? Find your mask yourself.”

She liked my eyes. *Earth and fire,* how that idea hurt.

“I could just get another one from where I found the one you took,” I said.

Smirking, Brennan said, “I figured, but we have a story to tell. Leaving Zhao in suspense would be rude, wouldn’t it?”

She was right. Again. Since we’d met, she’d been right during every disagreement we’d had. Why was that?

With thinned lips, I turned on my old mentor, and Zhao met my gaze with a grimace.

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re about to tell me something I don’t want to hear?” he asked.

He had yet to take a bite of his dinner, letting it cool in front of him. Had he poisoned the food?

“That’s probably because I am,” I said.

No, that was ridiculous. I’d helped supervise our food’s preparation. I’d have noticed if Zhao had slipped poison into these dishes. It was more likely that he wasn’t eating because he was battling nerves.

But why?

“Well?” Zhao said. “Let’s get it over with.”

Maybe he didn’t want to hear this story, which meant his apprehension had destroyed his appetite. I could relate. I’d gone through the same thing when confronting Nokoribi about his weakness.

Yes, that scenario made the most sense, and if that was the case, I shouldn’t delay any longer, much as I might want to. I’d hated it when Nokoribi had tried to do that with me.

“I died today.”

Once those words had fallen from my lips, an uncomfortable silence took hold of the kitchen. The oven’s flames flickered at deafening volumes as Zhao’s eye twitched.

“Yes, and the whole city is in an uproar about it,” he said. “Wasn’t that the point of faking your death?”

Oh, how I wish I had my mask, something that could shield me from my mentor’s nervous gaze, but my story demanded my focus. Zhao needed clarification.

“No, *maiyaru,* you don’t understand,” I said. “I *died.* Arita pushed me off of Mt. Teisu’s summit, I fell into earth’s blood, and it consumed me. The agony of that… I can’t describe it. If my need for vengeance hadn’t been eating into my thoughts as surely as earth’s blood was doing with my body, I’d have gone mad in the seconds it took me to die.

“Then, the world went white, and I was floating in… nothing. A place that was absent of form or substance. All that felt real were the voices, so disjointed and malevolent. I don’t know what they were but-”

“The enemy,” Brennan said, as if to herself. “The Morán.”

Holding a wrapped morsel up to the flame, she looked through it to somewhere beyond Hiyuki, and I couldn’t escape the pull of her until she shivered, returning to herself.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your tale,” she said. “You were floating in the space between realities and…?”

“I was floating in *nothing,”* I said, correcting her. “The voices tried to touch me, but I wouldn’t let them, and I’m not sure what happened next. Two… hands? Hands, so completely opposite in nature, tossed me into the place where I met Brennan and a man, Alouin. He asked Brennan to help me, and once she’d agreed, he offered me a choice, peace or revenge.”

“And of course, you chose revenge,” Brennan said. “Like the bastard wanted.”

“What else was I supposed to do?” I asked. “Let the people who killed my friend get away with murder?”

“No, but-”

“I chose revenge,” I continued over her. “Alouin turned my timeline back; I woke up, falling into earth’s blood again; and Brennan saved me. You know the rest.”

Ignoring Brennan’s glare, I waited for Zhao to respond. What would my old mentor do? Would he accept this story and move on? I doubted it. He was more likely to-

Zhao burst into nervous laughter, retreating as far into his seat as he could. Yes, that was about what I’d expected.

“I don’t know what drugs you two have taken, but if they’ll let my imagination soar like yours have, I’d like to try some,” he gasped.

“We’re not on drugs,” Brennan snapped, “or rather, *he* is, but they’re to stave off his injuries, which I still think you should get treated-”

“Not now, Bren,” I said.

Zhao’s laughter died, and as he glanced between us, his amusement was replaced with something else.

“You should go upstairs and sleep off whatever you’ve taken,” he said. “Obviously, Nokoribi’s death has hit you hard, *ko,* and you!”

He waved at Brennan.

“I don’t know what to make of your behavior, young lady!”

…Much as I might want to, I couldn’t get angry at Zhao. He didn’t know, didn’t understand.

“Please, *maiyaru,”* I said, rolling my eyes. “I’m not so weak that I’d numb my friend’s passing with drugs. You know me and where I come from. How could you think I’d indulge in something like that?”

Surely, with that explanation, Zhao would understand-

“Your past is *exactly* why I’m worried,” he snapped before his face softened. “You need help, *ko.”*

My temper flared, nearly having me spew something unwise on my mentor, but his pity killed that outburst before it could emerge. He met my eyes, a mark of pride that had long ago become my source of shame, and all I wanted to do was hide. I needed a mask to get away from his disappointment, much as I’d needed it when I was a child to shield me from-

Cool metal brushed against my skin, and even knowing what must have happened, I tensed. Zhao, on the other hand, flew from his spot on the bench opposite me with his sword drawn. He looked like he might have attacked me too, if a blade’s edge hadn’t been drawing a drop of blood from his neck.

“I worked *too damn hard* to save that man’s life for you to end it because you’re afraid,’ Brennan snapped. “Sheathe your weapon!”

Once Zhao had done as she’d asked, Brennan released her grip on his hair, and she circled him with her dagger’s point still at his throat.

“Now, sit.”

Only once we were arranged to her liking did Brennan withdraw her weapon.

*Damn,* that had been impressive. I’d barely caught her movements as she’d leapt over the table, and she’d done that both quickly and with flawless execution. Who was she?

“What was that?” Zhao asked in a trembling voice.

Right. My mentor.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have an answer to his question, just as lost about the mystery that had shocked him as he probably was.

“That was an aftereffect of his time spent as an essence, I think,” Brennan said. “Sorry. I don’t know what Hiyukians would call the state. A spirit? Soul, maybe?”

When we didn’t answer her, she shrugged, quickly moving on.

“Before Alouin reversed Kasai’s timeline, our friend here did something similar in the bastard’s safe space. That ability has carried over to the physical plane, or that’s my theory, at least.”

Removing my mask, I found myself holding a copy of what Brennan had stored for me on Mt. Teisu’s slope.

“How does it work?” I asked.

“No clue,” Brennan said, “but it’s not a simple summoning ability.”

Metal clattered on the tabletop as a twin of the mask I was holding spun to a stop beside my plate.

“You’re manifesting items into the world,” she continued. “It’s a damn strong power, which means it probably carries a high cost. I wouldn’t use it until we learn what that is.”

“Easily done,” I said. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Still, having a power like that could be useful. It would certainly make a home invasion or an interrogation easier. What would I do if I needed an item I hadn’t brought with me? Simply will it into existence.

“You died. You actually *died.”*

Glancing at Zhao, I frowned at the tears spilling over his cheeks. Why was he crying?

“Oh, *ko,”* Zhao whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“My death’s irrelevant,” I said, fluttering my fingers in a wave. “I only told you about it so we’re all on the same page, and now that we are, I’d like to know what you learned today, Brennan.”

In response, they stared at me for far to long, which made the restless energy inside of me surge. To appease it, I shot to my feet and started pacing across the kitchen.

Why was this room so small? I was reaching the edges of its confines much too quickly while the taste of metal and salt grew heavy on my tongue.

And still, they stared at me.

“What?!” I snapped. “I’ve been stuck here all day while ‘ribi’s murderers have been walking through Takanai, free. Forgive me if I want to change that status as quickly as possible. So. Brennan?”

She glared at me, clearly displeased about something, but she gave her report regardless.

“Hiyuki thinks you’re dead,” she said, “but Arita doubts that, much to the amusement of the other guild chairs. He’s holed up in his estate after having hired more security personnel to guard him. I’d recommend waiting until he’s relaxed before-”

“Why?” I asked.

Brennan paused for a moment before saying.

“Because it’s the smart thing to do. He’s not going anywhere. Your revenge can wait until he won’t see you coming.”

“I don’t need the element of surprise,” I said.

There was another pause.

“I think you do,” Brennan said. “Or at the very least, you need time to-”

“What do you know about what I can do?” I snapped. “You may be impressive in your own right, but don’t diminish my abilities because you’ve proven your strength. I have that too.”

“No one’s arguing that you don’t, *ko,”* Zhao said, “but she might have a point. Perhaps you should take a seat so we can discuss-”

“You’re taking *her* side?”

Stopped short by the idea, I stared at Zhao for several seconds before the energy inside of me forced my feet into action once more. I swallowed a warm tang while heat started escaping in rivulets from my eyes.

Why would Zhao side with Brennan, someone he couldn’t have known for more than a few weeks? He knew how easily I could break into Arita’s estate. For earth and fire’s sake, he’d taught me how to do it!

“Kasai, sit your ass down right now.”

That had sounded like the Zhao I’d known. I laughed, a mushed garble that oozed into the energy driving me.

How I’d missed my old mentor. When Nokoribi had offered Zhao a position as the head of his intelligence network instead of ordering Yukinaga’s bodyguard killed once I'd been trained, as was tradition, I’d been so relieved. The years we’d spent working together had been a wonder, years where we’d become a family formed by chance and circumstance.

Why had Zhao left us? He’d never explained.

“Hold him down.”

They thought they could restrain me? How laughable!

When I tried to get away from them, though, or move as the energy inside commanded, I couldn’t. When had they pinned me? Why couldn’t I seeeeee-?

The energy inside ripped through me while earth’s blood filled my every vein, but instead of quickly dissolving me as it should, this stayed, circulating through my body over and over and over and *over.*

A flame flickered in a glass globe with blurry shapes between it and me. A wild howl shredded the air, and blue interchanged with purple, flashes of color that stabbed at my eyes. With each of these, agony became earth’s blood became energy became a hard-packed, restless kernel in my core.

I blinked at anxious faces, noting that Brennan was holding a tube, one that had a blipping blue and purple light on the end, far too close to my face. Feebly, I swiped at it.

“He’s back with us,” Brennan said.

Zhao didn’t reply, instead watching her store the tube in her satchel. When she caught him staring, she smiled.

“I’m not from here,” she said, as if in explanation.

Groaning, I sat up before struggling to reach my feet. Zhao and Brennan tried to stop me, but I broke through them, stumbling to the closest washroom. Once there, I examined the damage done in the mirror.

Trails of drying blood were running from my eyes, almost like the color found in them had spilled over.

“What happened?” I quietly asked before making a face.

I spat phlegm into the sink, cursing when its dry state made accomplishing that task so much more difficult.

“I don’t know," Zhao said. “You and Brennan were arguing, and then, you started bleeding, fountains of it from your mouth and…”

He waved at my eyes.

“I tackled you, holding you down while Brennan performed magical voodoo on you,” he finished.

“It’s science, not magical voodoo," Brennan said as she joined us.

She met my eyes in the mirror with her face set into grim lines.

“I suppose that’s the cost,” I said.

Brennan nodded, and with a sigh, I cleaned my face. Earth and fire, today had been long, and so much still needed to be done. Unfortunately, Brennan and her insistence on seeing me in complete health was stopping me from easily finishing all the tasks I had left. So...

“I’m going to bed,” I said.

Pushing through my companions, I headed for the stairs.

“Wait a minute. I’ll come too,” Brennan said. “Can you handle what we discussed earlier, Zhao?”

“No problem,” the old man said. “Will he be…?”

“I’m standing right here,” I said in a grumble. “I’m *fine.* Everything feels normal right now.”

Zhao narrowed his eyes at me as if he’d detected a lie, but he waved us off.

“Then, good night, you two,” he said. “No shenanigans while in my home.”

Shenanigans? What did he think was going to-?

Grabbing my wrist, Brennan dragged me up the stairs, spinning to lean against our door once she’d closed it.

“You really feel all right?” she asked.

My every muscle was screaming to twitch along with the rhythm of this newly discovered, pulsing energy inside. It took everything I had to ignore that urge, standing still so I could nod.

Collapsing on her bed, Brennan hid her face in her hands for a moment before digging through her satchel.

“Come here,” she said.

When I crouched in front of her, she took my hand, and I bit my tongue to keep from jerking it free. Soon enough, she pressed several packets and hypos into it.

“For the next day,” she said. “I’ll put the rest under my bed, if you need them.”

Nodding, I tried to withdraw my hand, but she held it firm. She chewed on her lip for a moment, but once she’d made her decision, she laid the tube from earlier on top of the meds.

“In case of emergency,” she said. “Press the clicker on one end and aim the other at your eyes. It should ease your symptoms. I’m begging you to only use this when you must and only in private. I’m not supposed to mix iterations like this. If one of Ellair’s inventions fell into the wrong hands…”

I rested my palm on her knee, grateful for the cloth between our skin.

“I understand," I said.

I let myself drown in her brown eyes until she nodded, but then, I stood and after extinguishing the room’s lamps, crawled into bed.

“Good night, K.”

Her use of Nokoribi’s nickname for me gave me pause, but I caught myself before my silence could concern her.

“Good night.”

Waiting for Brennan to fall asleep became a special kind of torture for me. Energy was thrumming in me, compelling me to move, but I lay motionless in the dark while time dragged by. Eventually, her quiet snores filled the air while the moon’s dispersed light fell through the window, and I rose from my sheets, kneeling in front of Zhao’s improvised vault.

Once I had what I needed, I changed into a pair of black pants and a shirt, wrapping a cowl around my head. I slipped through the window, hanging from its sill while latching it behind me, before slipping over the roof’s eave. As I shot upright, I almost lost my balance, but Zhao’s grip on my shirt helped with steadying me.

“I’m disappointed,” the old man said. “You should have been expecting me.”

Shifting, I barreled into Zhao, knocking his feet out from under him. I let my old mentor roll to his belly before pinning him with a knee and digging a dagger’s point into his jaw. Raising an eyebrow, I waited.

“That’s more like it,” Zhao said.

Lowering my weapon a fraction, I said, “Why were you waiting for me here?”

“Brennan gave you what you wanted,” Zhao said. “I knew you’d go after Arita tonight.”

“Despite all the damage that’s been done to my body?”

Zhao let his head fall to the side with my dagger chasing it.

“I know you, *ko,”* he said with a sigh. “You’d work yourself to death if it meant you’d achieve your objectives. I intend to help you last for as long as possible while you do that.”

“So, you won’t force me to go back to bed?” I asked.

Giving me a sideways glance, Zhao said, “Could I?”

Smiling, I sheathed my dagger before helping my old mentor to his feet.

“I need to speak with Arita alone,” I said.

“I won’t be there.”

“I can’t have you slowing me down.”

“You’ll never see me.”

It was amazing how much easier negotiations went when both parties understood one another. With that finished, I’d almost taken off when a last question occurred to me.

“What did Brennan want from you tonight?”

Dim moonlight glinted off the teeth of Zhao’s grin.

“For me to keep an eye on you, of course.”

Of course. Shaking my head, I turned to sprint across Takanai’s rooftops with the light from Mt. Teisu’s summit leading the way.

# Chapter Thirteen

Arita’s estate seemed modest for a guild’s chairman. It didn’t have a yard, not with its entrance directly abutting the street, but the building itself loomed over the ones beside it with its upper reaches disappearing into the low-hanging smog.

In addition, a nearby swell of gears from the ground indicated the estate’s proximity to a steamworks hub, as did its presentation of steam-powered lamps rather than ones full of flame. Even with all of this, though, the only thing that spoke of its owner’s opulent taste was the sharply smelted molding on its metal walls.

That molding would also be useful for breaching the estate, but I saw no other advantages for me, not from here at least. Brennan had mentioned that Rita had hired more security personnel, but she’d failed to mention exactly how many more he’d acquired. The estate was crawling with armed patrols, and I had no doubt I’d find its every entrance locked as well.

“How will you get inside?” Zhao said beside me.

I’d just been asking myself that question.

“I’ll find a way,” I said.

“You mean to go in without a plan?” Zhao asked.

“During my training, that was the only way I ever passed infiltration tests to your satisfaction.”

Why did the look of surprise on Zhao’s face warm me so much?

“What?” I said. “Did you think I planned to pull some of the shit I did?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know what to make of it,” Zhao said, “but you can’t think that walking into this mess unprepared is-”

His frustrated yelp chased me as I leapt down perches until I was standing on street level. Would he follow me down here, or was this where we’d part ways for the evening?

I didn’t wait to find out.

As soon as a patrol had passed my hiding spot, I dashed across the street, using my earlier spotted molding to climb to the building’s third floor. The quality of security in Takanai must have truly gotten lax in no one had spotted that sloppy approach, although…

Maybe Zhao had taken care of the rooftop guard I’d spotted before, and I could have gotten lucky with the rest.

There was no point in pondering it. Wrapping my hand in a bit of cloth, I punched out a windowpane, reaching through the resulting hole to unlatch it. I had no reason for total stealth tonight—someone would no doubt discover my work by morning—and if this place’s guards hadn’t seen me sprinting across the street, they probably weren’t aware enough to hear glass shattering.

If they were, though, the weapons on me would find blood. I didn’t care either way and-

And-

The energy inside of me hadn’t let me pause long enough to unlatch the window quietly. It jangled along my nerves, making me grit my teeth to keep from screaming, and I couldn’t stay still.

Eventually, this would become a problem. I’d have to deal with it later, though.

Crawling through the window, I glanced down the hall beyond to find it empty, and as I kicked broken glass under a rug, I tugged a curtain over the window’s newly created hole before creeping forward.

The typical citizen of Takanai preferred to sleep at ground level, as far from the city’s smog as possible, but I knew from previous visits here that Arita’s preferences ran counter to the average person’s. He liked sleeping, working, and living on high, overlooking others.

Hence, why his estate rose above the smog line.

I took the closest set of stairs two at a time, quiet as a wraith, and only once I was on the building’s top floor did I slip out of the stairwell. The security team stationed here had yet to see me in this brightly lit corridor. They remained oblivious to me, even as I drew and loaded my crossbow.

Slack of them.

They only noticed that something might be wrong when a dart buried itself in one of the guards’ necks. He slapped at it, pulling it free to stare at its drained vial, and several confused heartbeats later, he fell to the floor. Considering he’d had enough padun dumped into his bloodstream to knock out a man twice his weight, this didn’t surprise me.

Rushing forward, I cushioned his drop, snatching his body before it could hit the ground. I crashed my dagger’s pommel into the second man’s temple before he could cry out, stunning him, and with the first guard already lowered to the floor, I leapt to catch the second in a chokehold. After enduring several of his weakening scratches and kicks, I spread the other man out beside the first.

The door they’d been guarding begged for me to open it, but I swept the rest of the floor for additional security before doing so. I wouldn’t want an interruption halfway through tonight’s work, now would I?  
Inside, the cavernous bedroom stood empty save for fluttering curtains and a massive bed. Moonlight streamed through open windows to illuminate the pillows on it and the forms sleeping among them. Gliding to those windows, I closed and latched each one, methodically making my way to the object of my obsession.

As a last latch was clicked into place, I gazed out over roiling smog with the tips of Takanai’s buildings poking through it. A thin, second smog layer acted as gauze for the moon, but even with it present, I enjoyed the clearest view of the sky that I’d ever beheld.

Amongst that hazy black expanse, dots of light twinkled. Their cheeriness was at such odds with my drawn-together shoulders and taut muscles, so I turned away before they could dissuade me from my purpose.

Standing at Arita’s bedside, I absently examined him and the girl at his side. Was she his wife? I hadn't thought he was married.

No, the bruises on her arms and neck as well as… other signs would indicate otherwise. No self-respecting guild chair would leave such visible marks on his wife. They might leave them in more concealable spots but never in a place this exposed.

I knew what this was, much as it pained me to see it. Much as it brought back memories.

I’d known that Arita had certain… tastes, but when I’d seen clues about them in my subordinates’ reports, I’d always ignored them. Not only was what I was seeing here a subject that I had… difficulty considering, but I hadn’t wanted to believe what I was reading. While certain aggressive tendencies in the bedroom were considered acceptable, so long as both parties were willing participants in said activities, there was a line that most people didn't cross. In my experience, that blurry line separated consensual play from physical abuse.

No one liked believing that something so dark could exist in the human soul, no matter how often instances of it were allowed to slip below the surface.

After injecting Arita with several hypos worth of padun, I shook the girl awake, and when her eyes fluttered open with her mouth parting to scream, I laid a hand over it, lifting a finger to my lips. I only removed my touch from her when she nodded.

“Has he paid you?” I asked. “Quietly now.”

“Ye- yes,” she stammered.

“Then, I suggest you leave this place as quickly as you can,” I said. “I wouldn’t want you blamed for what will happen here tonight.”

“And what’s that?” the woman asked.

For earth and fire’s sake, why would she want to know that? It could get her in so much trouble… but in a way, I understood.

Fixing her with my gaze, I let my crimson eyes peek out from my cowl.

“Emperor’s justice,” I said. “Go, girl. Report to your madam.”

Without another word, she slipped out of bed, threw on her clothes, and fled. Alone with my prey, I hung my mask over my face, unwound a length of silk rope from around my chest, and set to work.

When the first flush of light bounced along the smog outside, I was sitting cross-legged in front of Arita while he stirred. I waited for him to wake up, cupping the flame of the candle I’d set between us.

Soon enough, Arita grunted through his gag before struggling against the restraints pinning his arms to the bed. I only looked up from the fire when that noise cut off.

“I’m going to remove the gag, but before I do, know that I’ve dispatched your guards. No one will hear you scream,” I said. “Feel free to do that anyway.”

Arita obliged me. He called long and loud for help, and I closed my eyes to more fully appreciate the sound.

When silence fell with no sounds of rescue to fill it, I waited. What would my prey do? Would he bargain with me or plead for his life? Would he try to assert his authority over me?

“I told the others you were alive,” Arita rasped. “They laughed at me, told me I'd been seeing things. How I wish they’d been right.”

Resignation. I hadn’t expected that.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” I asked.

Snorting, Arita said, “I’m not stupid. I know why you’re here, which means I know I won’t live to see the sunrise. The only thing I can affect is how much pain you inflict on me before ending my life, so go ahead. Ask your questions. I’ll answer them as best I can.”

Strength. I found it in the man who’d murdered my best friend. Why…?

*Find the truth, K.*

Shaking my head to clear it, I asked, “Who are the others? You said more people were involved in the plot to kill my emperor. Who else?”

I truly hoped that Arita would make this easy for me because I wasn’t good with-

“Taro was part of it, to a small degree,” Arita said. “More than that, I can’t say. He was the only other person I met face to face. The rest of us communicate via missive and with codenames to boot.”

Taro, the chairman of the brothel’s guild. The man who’d shown such sorrow as I’d been led to my death. Who’d inexplicably received a position of authority during my trial. Who’d forced me, as a child, to the steamworks, there to end my life if not for Nokoribi.

Seeing him would make for a pleasant, late-night visit.

“And the girl?” I asked. “Who assassinated the emperor?”

“Ah. I’m afraid you’ll have to torture that information out of me,” Arita said. “We have plans for her. Her death will serve a greater purpose than your revenge ever could.”

For a long moment, I sat motionless, savoring the moment when my prey’s false bravado dissolved from his face.

“You mean *they* have a plan, not we,” I say.

Arita jerked against his bonds with his mouth opening, presumably to beg for mercy.

“Fortunately for you, I’ve never had a taste for torture, and you’ve given me a lead to follow. I won’t hurt you for what you know when I can gain it from other, easier targets,” I said before he could make a sound. “Unfortunately for you, I’ve gotten rather good at dealing death over the years.”

I lifted the thick candle that had been sitting between us, examining its flame as I twirled it.

“Tell me, Arita. Do you know what it feels like to inhale fire? No, of course not. How could you?” I said. “However you think it might feel, it’s worse. It scorches your throat while blackening and shriveling your lungs, and you can’t breathe as it eats its way out of your chest. You did that to me.”

Carefully, I poured molten wax into a waiting bowl with several other candles lit around it. Their heat kept that hot stream in a liquid state.

“Do you know what it feels like to have your body so riddled with holes that every organ except for your brain fails? No? Neither do I,” I say. “I only witnessed the end of someone who experienced that horror, and it was awful. Worse than anything else I’ve seen in my life, and I’ve seen a lot of terrible shit. You did this to your emperor.”

“You don’t understand!” Arita snarled. “We saved Hiyuki-!”

I raised a hand.

“I don’t care why you did it,” I said. “All that matters to me is that my friend is dead. I will never again laugh at his stupid jokes or antagonize him with my insistence on formality or sneak out of the palace with him. He’s dead. Because of you. And I will punish you for it.”

“When did you become an executioner?” Arita snapped. “We have trials for this sort of thing, you know. Not every criminal in Hiyuki can go before the emperor. So, when did your authority supersede the government’s?”

Straddling the man’s thighs, I jerked my prey’s head back.

“Mine became greater when I died and death spat me out,” I said. “Now, open wide.”

Forcing Arita’s mouth open, I retrieved my bowl, full of molten wax, and poured its contents down a gaping maw.

“I can’t recreate what you did to ‘ribi,” I said. “So, I must settle for a poor representation of what you did to me.”

With the bowl emptied, I tossed it over my shoulder before clamping Arita’s nose closed. The body beneath me spasmed and bucked, and I pressed my hand over its bloodied lips, but when the guild chair eventually fell still with his chest failing to rise, I let my hands fall away.

I stared at those empty eyes, wondering why I was suddenly filled with the need to scrub my body clean. Where was my exultation from a purpose fulfilled?

Earth and fire, how many times had I killed someone as Nokoribi’s bodyguard? I’d lost count, and none of those deaths had incited more than bored indifference in me. So, what was this filth that was closing my throat or this nausea, begging for release? Why was I experiencing these things *now?*

The sun had risen before I could make myself stand. I escaped from the estate with only long-honed skills keeping me from mishap, and once I was outside, I found a dark corner where I could curl into a ball. My eyes remained dry, even as every part of me shook.

With the energy inside of me blessedly silent, I didn’t move, half-listening as the city woke up around me. I didn’t move when city police officers eventually infested Arita’s estate and began their questioning. I didn’t move when someone dropped to the ground beside me.

“That was effective,” Zhao said.

I had no reply for him. What was I supposed to say? Thank you?

“Did you get what you needed?” Zhao continued.

“Yes.”

A new name. A new line of investigation. How many times must I endure this uncomfortable experience before the task was completed?

Sighing, Zhao shifted in place above me.

“It’s different when someone’s death comes by your hand rather than as something you're bidden to do,” he said. “Nokoribi went through the same thing when he first ordered an execution.”

Twitching, I got to my feet, wondering all the while whether my legs would hold.

“How did ‘ribi handle it?” I asked.

“He got roaring drunk and went out whoring. I was his acting bodyguard at the time, so I got the pleasure of keeping him from killing himself,” Zhao said. “At some point, he buried what he’d done, but everyone could see the change in him.”

“He lost his wide-eyed belief in the good of humanity,” I said. “It had survived for so long, even after everything that happened in the steamworks, but he went to the palace and…”

I couldn’t finish that thought, couldn’t remember the day when my friend had come to find me with *such* a hard look in his once-bright eyes.

“That’s right,” Zhao said. “Did you know, he often told me that between the two of you, you were the better man? He thought earth and fire should have chosen you, not him.”

“He can join the list,” I said, barely keeping from a growl.

“The point remains that he believed in you,” Zhao said. “So, how will you handle what you’ve done?”

Certainly not by drinking and whoring. Or sitting in the street like a lump.

“I hope Brennan’s a late sleeper,” I said.

“That she most definitely is, you lucky bastard,” Zhao said.

“Then, I’m going home to catch up on my rest.”

And that was exactly what I did. Once we’d returned to Zhao’s home, I climbed its stairs, removing my mask and cowl before dropping onto my bed.

For a while, I watched Brennan sleep before rolling away from her and pulling the covers over my head. Wrapped in comfort and shielded from the world, I shivered until my exhausted body relinquished its hold on consciousness.

# Chapter Fourteen

*In my dreams, two voices rattled, incessantly arguing.*

*“He bears the whole’s touch. Can you feel it?”*

*“As clearly as you do, insufferable moron. It doesn’t mean we can touch him.”*

*“Says you.”*

*“Yes. Me and the rules. You know them. We can only take one host at a time.”*

*“But whyyyy…?”*

*“It’s what we agreed upon.”*

*“So? We’ve languished here for centuries. I want to go home. I want to return to the whole.”*

*“As do I, but we have a plan. The last host almost freed us. I have hope that his successor will succeed where he failed.”*

*“And if she follows in his footsteps?*

*“Then, we take a new host, although I’m not so sure about this current keeper’s candidacy. Can you feel-?”*

*“You don’t like him because he favors my side.”*

*“No, you idiot. Something’s off about him. The energy that’s in him… it feels like the beyond.”*

*“Huh. Maybe you’re right, but who else would we pick? He’s the one who’s most easily adaptable to us right now.”*

*“It pains me to agree with you.”*

*“You think I like it any better, stick in the mud?”*

*“Chaotic ignoramus.”*

*“Inflexible bastard.”*

*“Flighty idiot.”*

*“Boring piece of shit.”*

*“Destructive asshole.”*

*“Hey! Too close to home.”*

*“Sorry.”*

*“Like I want your apology. I do miss that, though.”*

*“What? The fighting?”*

*“No, the scintillating conversation. Of course the fighting!”*

*“…Me too. Look at us. Apologizing to one another. Making plans together. Agreeing with each other’s opinions. We’ve been gone from the whole for too long.”*

*“Obviously but… he’s waking up.”*

*“I can see that, moron. I’m waiting for you to withdraw before I leave. You’re more likely to break the rules, making him a host, than I am.”*

*“Fiiiine.”*

*A long-awaited silence stretched for what seemed like forever before one of the voices broke it once more.*

*“I’m almost tempted to stay. By the whole, I need to escape this place.”*

Waking up with a gasp, I shot upright, slapping my hands to the mounting pain in my head. By earth and fire, where had that dream come from?

Oh, why did I care? My head hadn’t pounded this badly since the last time Nokoribi had convinced me to get *thoroughly* drunk. Damn, the hangover that had come the next morning… this pain overshadowed it in totality,

I needed a cup of tea.

In the kitchen, I struggled to find a kettle. I didn’t know how Zhao organized his cabinets, but it wasn’t how I’d do it.

Standing in front of the stove, I tapped my foot in a rapid rhythm, and when the kettle screamed, I winced while invisible spikes impaled my eyes. With my hands in mitts, I transferred the kettle to the counter and realized, rather belatedly, that I hadn’t found any tea leaves yet.

“ZHAO!” I roared before ransacking the kitchen.

The old man failed to appear, and after a while, I stumbled against a rubbish-strewn counter. Pain was shooting through me with every blink, and my feet steadily lost traction with the floor until I’d collapsed among kitchen utensils and spices.

*Earth and fire,* it needed to stop, needed-

Something warm filled my reaching hands, and through streaming eyes, I spied my cup—complete with steam rising from it—in them. As I took a sip of tea, the trembling in my hands splashed its hot liquid across my lap, but I didn’t care. My head’s throbbing eased in increments, in time to each savored gulp.

Zhao found me with an empty cup dangling from my fingers and my head resting against a cabinet door.

“What happened to my kitchen?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I breathed.

After a pause, Zhao blankly said, ‘You don’t know.”

“Yes,” I hissed. “I’ll clean it up in a minute. Just… not so loud, please.”

“I thought you said you’d sleep,” Zhou grumbled, “not drink my alcohol.”

Groaning, I softly banged my head on the counter’s edge.

“I *did* sleep, and I had *the* strangest dream. Something about two voices arguing in the dark,” I growled. “Anyway, I woke up with a raging headache, came downstairs to make tea, and couldn’t find where you keep your stash of it, hence the mess. I suppose I should clean that up so we can get on with the day.”

Rising with a hiss, I started collecting items, strewn across the floor, and piled them in the sink to be washed.

“Two… voices?” Zhao whispered with his voice choked.

“Indeed,” I said. “Strange, right?”

“Yes. Strange.”

Striding into the kitchen, Zhao returned the dishes that had spilled across the counters to their cabinets.

*“Ko?* Will you tell me if you have any more of these dreams?” he said.

“Why?” I asked. “It was random, an unconscious mind entertaining itself unless… does it have some significance?”

I didn’t know how Zhao would know what a dream might mean, given how wary he typically was of anything spiritual, supernatural, or psychological in nature.

“Not as such,” he said. “I’m only asking you to ease an old man’s mind.”

“In that case, I’ll be sure to share, but hopefully, I won’t have more of them,” I said. “It wasn’t the most pleasant experience.”

Not even by the smallest margin.

“No. I imagine it wouldn’t be,” Zhao muttered. “Tea leaves are here, by the way.”

He pulled a tin can from a cabinet over the icebox, a spot I hadn’t thought to check, and after opening it, Zhao glanced at me.

“You didn’t get your tea?” he said. “I’m surprised you’re on your feet.”

“That’s the other thing,” I said. “I’ll probably have another… episode soon.”

Looking down his nose at me, Zhao said, “Another episode.”

“Yes. The bleeding from the face, searing pain, and too much energy held in too frail of a body?” I said. “An episode.”

After a quick search of the kitchen, Zhao set two matching cups beside one another before pointing at them.

“You did it again?” he said. “Did you not learn your lesson last time?”

“I didn’t mean to! It was entirely instinctual,” I said. “Trust me. If I could, I’d never manifest another thing in my life. I don’t like the cost either.”

Sighing, Zhao said, “Do you have Brennan’s magic stick?”

“It’s upstairs,” I said. “Where is she anyway?”

“Out in the city. She said to give you this when you woke up.”

Zhao extended a folded slip of paper to me.

“Take care of your problem before you read it,” he said. “I’ll finish up here.”

Making a face, I said. “Thank you. I’m sorry about the mess.”

As I passed beneath Zhao’s judging gaze, I felt as if I’d returned to the first months of my training, and after slinking out of the kitchen, I beat a fist against the side of my head.

“Stupid, stupid, *stupid!”*

Since meeting Alouin, so many weaknesses had beset me. I didn’t think I was infected, but the symptoms I’d been displaying were concerning. All that was keeping me from carving it out of myself was revenge for Nokoribi and a final, whispered plea.

*Find the truth, K.*

What did that even mean? What truth should I be seeking? Something to do with strength and weakness, obviously, but other than that, I had no clue what my friend could have wanted from me.

So, as with all my doubts in recent days, I shook it off to focus on the task at hand. I could return to the question when less dire circumstances awaited me.

In my room, I stashed Brennan’s tube in a pocket. Energy had yet to buzz through me, and I didn’t know if using the tube before that sign had presented itself was wise, so I’d wait.

With that problem handled, I flipped Brennan’s note open. On it were two words written in towering letters.

*STAY PUT.*

A chuckle escaped from me as I crumpled the paper into a ball. Jamming a bubble and a pair of darkened spectacles on my face, I flung a coat over my shoulders and stomped downstairs.

Zhao was waiting for me by the door.

“Oh, good,’ he said. “You’re ready to leave.”

“You know… I’m not a prisoner here. I can leave whenever I want,” I growled. ‘I don’t need someone watching my every move.”

“Of course you don’t, but I need help, and since I’m providing you with free room and board, I figured you owe me,” Zhao said. “Or will you default on a debt, besmirching that honor you so love?”

Yes. This *absolutely* wasn’t an attempt by my old mentor to distract me. Still, I grimaced, asking.

“What do you need?”

“Grab the trays in the kitchen and follow me,” Zhao said.

Muttering under my breath, I trudged off to do as I’d been told.

Walking down Takanai’s streets with my old mentor felt strange today. We’d done it often enough when I’d been in training, but during those trips, I’d had to stay alert for prepared ambushes and the like. I didn’t think Zhao would try something like that now, just for old time’s sake, but I couldn’t help my heightened vigilance.

After we merged with the crowd, lightning started prickling along my body’s insides, which didn’t help with my unease. I wished Zhao would move faster. The energy inside of me urged me to blaze past him, to sprint between the crowd’s gaps and never stop. Instead, I settled for raining a jittery tempest on the trays I was holding.

These things might become another problem. The smells emanating from beneath their lids were making my stomach grumble, and I’d been fed recently. What would happen if someone who was low on ration tokens caught the scent?

Fortunately, our trip didn’t take long. Zhao led me to a community center in one of Takanai’s less well-off neighborhoods, rapping on its back door when we arrived. I stayed a safe distance from him, giving him room in case we were attacked.

The door opened on an older woman wearing a bubble. When she saw me, her shoulders drew together, and she held a furiously whispered conversation with Zhao, directing many a gesture my way.

Wary of strangers, was she? What had the old man dragged me into?

Once the woman appeared mollified, Zhao waved me forward, and we entered the community center. In its gathering space, several flimsy tables had been dragged into place while lamps barely lit the room.

People in threadbare clothing were huddled in its corners. Several had dotted scorch marks decorating the canvas of their skin, and no bubbles shielded them from the thin layer of smog that was billowing along the ceiling. When they saw Zhao, they abandoned their air of hostility, inching toward him.

Quickly dropping my trays on a nearby table, I reached for my pistol, but Zhao caught my arm before I could draw it, shaking his head with a sardonic grin.

“They’re why we’re here,” he said under his breath.

The older woman from the door helped with arranging trays, and as Zhao and I crept to the room’s fringes, downtrodden people moved forward to fill the community center’s provided plates. Sitting in clusters, they enjoyed the food we’d prepared last night, laughing and chatting amongst themselves, and I turned on my old mentor.

“The garden. The extra food. It was all for this.” I whispered.

Zhao nodded.

“It’s *illegal,”* I said. “Every bit of it.”

“Yes,” Zhao said, “it is.”

I hardly registered drawing my pistol. Pressing it into Zhao’s side, I angled my body to hide it from the others.

“I should shoot you where you stand,” I hissed. “You’re flaunting the weakness that you warned me against throughout my training.”

Zhao met my spectacled eyes.

“Then, why haven’t you shot me?” he asked.

“I-”

“The Kasai I trained would never have spoken to me first,” Zhao interrupted. “He’d have been precise with his shots, given me the cleanest death possible, and left this place, regardless of the witnesses. What’s changed, *ko?”*

“Nothing’s changed-!”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter, and in case you were curious, you don’t need to worry yourself about this,” Zhao said before returning his gaze to the downtrodden among us. “When I retired, Nokoribi authorized this project for me. So yes, it’s illegal by the guilds’ standards but not according to the monarchy.”

“‘ribi never said-”

“You think he shared everything with you?” Zhao asked. “He was the emperor. His job obligated him to keep secrets from everyone. Even you.”

I’d known that, but hearing it wrenched at something in me, emptying my lungs.

“Put the gun away,” Zhao said. “You won’t shoot me.”

And as I had when I was a youth, I followed my *maiyaru’s* command. For a moment, we observed the downtrodden, although the children among them soon finished with their meals and started chasing one another around the room.

Pounding energy had me shifting in place, but I fought to keep that movement to a minimum, hopefully enough so that Zhao wouldn’t notice it. I should be finding a private corner where I could use Brennan’s tube, but first, I had to know.

“Why would ‘ribi authorize this?” I asked.

Crossing his arms, Zhao said. “He was curious. By the time I retired, he knew his time was running out, and he was questioning everything. He wanted to know if our definition of weakness was the right one, and I proposed this experiment to satisfy him.”

“How could what you’ve done here *not* be weak?” I asked, barely keeping my voice down. “By feeding people who can’t provide for themselves, you’re taking from those who can. With our world’s hostile environment, we don’t have the resources to indulge in mercies like this.”

Shaking his head, Zhao said, “By earth and fire, I thoroughly indoctrinated you, didn’t I? Tell me, ko. How is giving the food that *I’ve* worked to grow and cook taking from others?”

I sealed my lips, ignoring how that had made Zhao laugh. Right now, I had no answer for him, and much as I might want to set his question aside, I knew I’d worry at it in my spare time instead, like I’d done with Nokoribi’s dying wish.

*Find the truth, K.*

“Did you know the other kingdoms would consider this a kindness?” Zhao asked. “And to them, kindness isn’t a weakness.”

“What is it, then?” I said under my breath. “Strength?”

“I don’t think they’d call it that either.”

What an illuminating answer.

“Perhaps those beliefs are why they dwindle while our empire thrives,” is aid.

“You would think that, wouldn’t you?”

Before I could reply with a deprecating comment, a downtrodden child split off from her friends, racing our way so she could tug on my pant leg. Unsure what she wanted, I glanced at Zhao, but he just gestured at the girl.

So helpful.

Remembering how much I’d hated craning my neck at adults when I was her age, I crouched, drumming my fingers on my knees.

“Yes?” I uncertainly said.

“Who are you?” the girl asked. “Are you Zhao’s friend?”

“I’m nobody important,” I said. “Did you need something, miss…?”

As if she hadn’t heard me, the girl cocked her head.

“Why are you wearing glasses inside?” she asked. “Can you see with them on like that? It’s so dark in here.”

That was an interesting question, seemingly coming from out of nowhere. Sometimes, I forgot what strange creatures children could be.

“You shouldn’t ask strangers questions like that. It’s not nice,” I said. “What if I couldn’t see at all?”

Smirking, the girl said, “I’m not a nice girl. Besides, if you can’t see, it means I can do this!”

Before I could stop her, she snatched my spectacles off of my nose, and the room brightened for me. Squinting, I tried to snatch my flimsy shield back from the girl, but she danced away from me with a giggle.

Until she spun my way and went quiet.

As she gasped, the spectacles slipped through her limp fingers, shattering on the floor, but I retrieved them anyway. Picking broken shards out of their frame, I turned to Zhao.

“Thanks for the reminder of what evil imps little girls can-”

“You should go home,” Zhao said.

Glancing at my old mentor, I found him tense, set into a combat form that was used for defense against multiple assailants.

“What’s the problem?” I whispered. “You can’t expect me to leave you-”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Zhao said. “Go home, *ko.”*

Damn, he’d sounded insistent, but the energy inside was screaming for action, and I was prepared to oblige it. I’d half-turned toward the downtrodden, catching a glimpse of their gaping faces, before Zhao jerked me around.

“They can’t see your eyes,” he snapped. “Go!”

“Ok…”

I edged toward the community center’s exit with Zhao at my side. What was wrong with my eyes, besides the usual? Maybe I was bleeding from them again. With how much I’d refused to indulge it, the energy inside of me had been ramping up in intensity.

Maybe it was something else, though. Who could say? I’d have to ask once we were free of this place.

While Zhao and I had been watching the downtrodden eat, someone must have lit more lamps in the corridor leading outside. When entering the community center, I could barely see where I was going, but now, while exiting, I could walk with confidence, clearing the last of the broken glass from my spectacles.

Enough of the lenses remained to partially hide my crimson gaze, so I shoved them into place, momentarily dazzled when the broken edges reflected a glisten into my eyes. I should remember to avoid direct light sources until I could find another pair.

Once we were under a smog-heavy sky again, I rounded on my mentor.

“What was that about?” I hissed.

When Zhao met my eyes, he flinched. It was barely perceptible, but I still saw it. What on earth could make him react so violently to meeting my gaze, especially to the point that he felt he must conceal the response?

“They’re downtrodden, and your eye color marks you as wealthy, even if you’re not,” he said. “Those two groups don’t get along well, as you know. I didn’t want to fight anyone unless we had to, and how do we dispel a fight before it begins, *ko?”*

“By removing the stressor,” I said with a sigh.

“Exactly. Now, go home, and keep those eyes hidden!” Zhao said. “I’ll be right behind you, but first, I have to explain why I brought you with me today.”

Making a face, he plunged back into the community center, and for a second, I considered following him, despite his given advice. I curled my hands into fists, longing to crack noses and bash ribs, but how could I know whether that desire was coming from me or my new… magic?

Was it magic?

Shaking my head, I hurried to find a concealed corner where I could calm down my restless symptoms, which didn’t take me long. Since Zhao’s community center stood in one of the city’s less wealthy neighborhoods, abandoned buildings towered around me, and few people cluttered the streets.

In a nearby alley, I leaned against a wall, although my trembling arms soon buckled to where my forehead rested against it instead. Silently berating myself, I dug through my pockets for Brennan’s tube. I shouldn’t have waited this long to use it.

Before I could do anything with the tube, though, someone’s footsteps crunched to a stop behind me.

“Give me your money if you want to live,” he snapped. “I’ve got a knife.”

Was that…?

I froze with my body shaking until I couldn’t contain it anymore. As I flung my head back, my laughter boomed in the alley.

“You, kid, have the worst luck,” I gasped.

“What are you laughing at?” my assailant said. “This isn’t a joke!”

Something was pressed into my back, and I maneuvered myself around until I was facing the knife’s wielder: the teenager who’d tried to rob Nokoribi and me just a few days ago. A kid my friend had released without consequences.

“Did you not learn your lesson the first time?” I asked.

The kid lowered his knife with his pitch-black eyes widening, apparently recognizing me.

“You’re supposed to be dead,” he said.

“Yes. I am.”

I swung at him, and as my punch sent the kid reeling, the energy inside of my crowed at the sight of it. I ripped my spectacles off of my face, remembering the last time I’d subdued this teenager, but once he’d recovered from my blow, the kid didn’t try fighting me, spinning to flee instead. Perhaps he knew what would happen if he stayed.

I didn’t let him get far. With each of my leaping strides, a buzz rattled through my legs, zinging down my arms as I caught the boy and shoved him. He skidded along the cobblestones, and when I flipped him to his back, it revealed the short blood trail that he’d left behind. A weeping face, skinned raw, received the brunt of two blows before fire lanced into my side, where the kid had stabbed me.

*Earth and fire,* that had hurt.

Hauling the boy to his feet, I twisted his blade-laden hand behind his back before plucking the weapon from it, and as in our last fight, I pinned him to a wall.

“Please, most blessed!” he whined with a cough.

I slammed his face into the brick.

“Don’t call me that,” I growled. “You save that honor for the emperor.”

For Nokoribi.

“But your-” the kid started.

Slamming his face into the wall again, I was gratified by the silence that followed it.

What was I going to do? This boy knew who I was. He knew Nokoribi’s bodyguard was alive.

Based on his past behavior, he’d no doubt run for the nearest authority if I released him, selling the information he’d gained for a reward. Whether the city police would believe his story was iffy, but on the off chance they did, I’d rather not deal with a manhunt on top of the many other difficulties I’d run into recently.

So, what would I do with this kid? Kill him?

Nokoribi wouldn’t have approved of that, but his decision to let the boy go last time had led to my present circumstances. Obviously, whatever potential my friend had seen in this kid didn’t exist.

“Most bl-” a raspy voice said before pausing. “Are you ok?”

I chuckled at the boy’s concern with salt lying heavy on my tongue. If he was checking me for possible weaknesses, perhaps he did have potential, but whether he’d use it had yet to be determined.

Considering that, maybe I should restrain him before leaving him here, in the dirt. Let him be found later today. It would give me time while also honoring my best friend’s memory.

“Mister?” the kid hesitantly said. “I- I think you should see a medic. You’re… bleeding. A lot.”

What? I felt fi-

Wait…

Oh, shit. I couldn’t see, and the buzz inside of me had swollen, reaching a tipping point. Stumbling away from the boy, I frantically searched my pockets, hardly aware of the teenager’s retreating footsteps. I closed my fingers around Brennan’s tube, and my buzzing energy transformed, becoming a vibration strong enough to shred my muscles. I should know. I’d experienced that sensation in the past, unfortunately.

The ground hit me hard, or perhaps I hit it? I couldn’t say because beyond what was lighting my body up with pain, I knew nothing.

Nothing except for escaping from it. With a feral roar, I forced my paralyzed body to move, dragging Brennan’s tube toward my eyes, and fumbled for what would activate it, and as sanity made its first attempt at flight, something nearby clicked.

The world became oscillating blue and purple colors. Hypnotized by them, I stayed sprawled in the dirt while voices rose around me, although they quickly faded.

People who’d come to help? How must I appear to them? Did they see an addict, strung-out in the alley’s detritus?

*NO.*

My muscles screamed when I used them, but somehow, I got myself upright. I sat against a wall with Brennan’s tube returned to a pocket, and for a while, I couldn’t manage more than that. Unlike the first time Brennan had dragged me back from the brink, the energy inside had run away, as if repelled by my body, and this had left me a wrung-out rag.

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the wall’s bricks and tried not to think, letting time slip by without comment.

“What happened?”

Wow. I’d never heard my *maiyaru* so upset before.

“A punk jumped me. I had an episode halfway through restraining him,” I said. “It was different this time, though. I don’t know if I can move.”

Someone—probably Zhao—poked and prodded at me, searching for wounds. He winced when he found the gash in my side, but it must not be serious, considering how quickly he moved on from it.

“Open your eyes," he said.

I cracked one to peer at him, and he slumped, rubbing his face.

“One problem managed for now,” he murmured into his hands.

“What’re you talking about?” I asked.

“Don’t worry about it, *ko,”* Zhao said. “Can you stand?”

Hmm. Could I?

“Doubtful. I *did* just say that I couldn’t move,” I said. “Can you carry me home?”

Zhao just laughed at that idea.

“Well, we can’t summon a cycle or a buggy, not with the rumors that have surely been started by this… incident,” I said. “Ok. Time to try something unconventional.”

“What are you…?”

His voice faded from my awareness as I focused on how much I needed spectacles to hide my eyes. Because of them, people had been giving me stranger reactions than usual today.

What if they’d seen? What if they knew? My childhood would come to haunt me, and I *couldn’t.* Not again.

Wires settled over my ears and nose, and I let out a breath, relaxing.

And that slight movement hadn’t taxed me. It had worked!

A sting splashed against my cheek, whipping my head to the side.

*“Amari Kasai!”* Zhao shouted. “Are you *trying* to kill yourself?”

“No,” I grumpily said, rubbing my cheek. “I solved a problem. Like you taught me.”

I leapt to my feet, nearly head-butting my old mentor in the process.

“Oh. Use the cost of manifesting to your advantage,” Zhao said. “That’s clever.”

“I thought so,” I said.

“Well, aren’t you the smart one?”

With a snort, I said, "Yes. Isn’t that obvious?”

Grinning at Zhao’s glare, I backed down the alley with my arms spread. The entire time, he eyed me like I’d gone crazy, but I couldn’t blame him for that. I didn’t know why I was acting so…

Honestly, I didn’t know how to describe the way I was acting.

“You’re welcome to prove me wrong at any point,” I said.

“…Asshole,” Zhao said after a moment.

“I’m that too,” I said, flourishing a bow, “and right now, this asshole wants to go home. Shall we?”

Growling insults under his breath, Zhao swept past me, and together, we joined the flow of Takanai’s foot traffic.

# Chapter Fifteen

After we’d reached Zhao’s home, I almost climbed to my room’s window, hoping to sneak into bed. If Brennan had come home while we’d been visiting the community center, she’d know that I hadn’t followed her instructions, and I'd rather not face her when her temper was riled.

It didn’t help that the prospect of disappointing her rankled me almost as much as doing the same once had with Nokoribi, if in different ways.

Avoiding a confrontation like this, however, had never helped anyone. If I let it hang over my head for long enough, it would consume me, having me constantly looking over my shoulder in anticipation of what might come next, and I wouldn’t let that happen.

So, I entered the house with Zahao. Once we were inside, I removed my spectacles and bubble with my ears perked, but only silence greeted me.

“Do you think she’s here?” I whispered.

Shrugging, Zhao said, “How should I know? Even before she came home with you, I couldn’t keep track of her comings and goings. She’s had experience with the kind of work we do.”

Which begged the question of where she’d learned it. Not many people in Hiyuki could sneak past an emperor’s bodyguard, even one who’d been retired for as long as Zhao had been, but then again, Brennan had never seemed like a native of my world.

Considering that, where had she come from, and what must her world be like to have produced someone like her?

“I need to water my plants,” Zhao said. “You handle your…”

He waved at my face and at my nod, wandered deeper into the house. Jogging upstairs, I dug through my pockets for Brennan’s tube with the lamps’ flames fluttering in my wake.

For the moment, taking care of my internal jitter, spawned for the second time today, took precedence over everything else, but once I’d done that, I’d look for Brennan. Hopefully, though, she had yet to return because I could use a moment of quiet to prepare for tonight’s home invasion. Or to assess everything that had happened since I’d woken up.

Did either of those things *need* to happen, though? Maybe I should pop out the window once I’d finished with my given task, making my way to Taro’s estate now. There had been enough of a delay in my hunt for vengeance today.

With the tube in my hand, I twisted into my room. I’d have collapsed onto my bed, ignoring my internal need to *move,* but a woman was sitting there with her legs pulled up under her. With muted light streaming through the window above her, I thought for the briefest of moments that a guiding spirit had arrived to return me to Katanti, and I froze while the scene captured me in body and mind.

Then, I recognized the woman as Brennan, and she did *not* look happy.

“I told you to stay put,” she said.

Fully stepping into the room, I opened the avenue of escape found behind me while getting ready to draw a weapon, if needed. I didn’t want to threaten Brennan. In fact, the idea repelled me to a degree, but her voice had sent danger signals screaming through me. I’d do whatever I must to keep her from hurting me.

“Zhao needed help with an errand,” I said, “and while we were in Takanai, I went without a mask. Not many people have seen me like that.”

“But some have,” Brennan said.

Shrugging, I nodded, and she exhaled, a slow release of air that drooped her. Maybe she wasn’t planning on attacking me?

Of course she wasn’t. What had I been thinking?

“If Zhao went with you, I guess it’s fine,” she said. “At least you had someone watching your back out there.”

“For most of the outing, yes, “I said. “Do you mind? I need my bed.”

While climbing off of it, Brennan let unease creep onto her face, and I wondered if I should ask her to leave the room before using her tube. With the door and window barred, I should survive my coming moment of vulnerability fully intact, especially since she wasn’t planning on attacking me.

Again. Why had I thought she might?

So yes, making a request for her to leave was probably foolish, but considering how much more comfortable it would make me, I thought it was a reasonable favor to ask. How to phrase it, though?

“Most of it?” Brennan asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what it sounded like,” I said. “For a time, I walked down Takanai’s streets alone. Earth and fire forbid that I do that.”

The lightning storm crackling under my skin protested me lowering my body onto the mattress, and to appease it, I danced Brennan’s tube through my fingers. Even with that gesture, though, I had to shift quite a bit before I could settle into a somewhat agreeable position.

“You didn’t mention that your tube can have less than pleasant side effects,” I said. “Last time I used it, it sapped me. I’ve never felt so exhausted in my life.”

“Then, you used it for too long. Neural reorganization takes a lot from the body. I advise against doing it for too long or too many times in a row,” Brennan said. “Why’d you use it in the first place?”

“I manifested an object earlier. Since I didn’t know whether to use the tube before my… magic’s consequences presented themselves, I waited until later to do it,” I said. “Maybe I shouldn’t have, though. The resulting episode started while I was apprehending a mugger, and because I was distracted, he escaped.”

“A *mugger?”* Brennan said. “Kasai, this is why-”

“Can we wait to discuss it until after you’ve shown me how to properly use this tube?” I interrupted. “I’d love a lesson before another episode knocks me flat on my back.”

“Another…?”

Blowing hair out of her eyes, Brennan sat at the foot of my bed.

“That can wait too,” she said. “Give me the Neurreorg.”

After I'd handed the tube over, she depressed its clicker twice, which had a blip of blue imprinting on my eyes.

“You should never go over ten blinks,” she said.

“Meaning I’ll have to count them?” I asked.

Nodding, Brennan said, “I know how impossible that seems. Trust me. You can do it, though, and of course, starting this process before the onset of an episode is best, even without symptoms presenting themselves. It shouldn’t hurt you.”

“But it might,” I said, picking up on that unspoken implication.

Wincing, Brennan said, “Yes, but that’s unlikely. Risking it is better than having an episode. Now, hold still, count, and tell me when you feel better.”

Raising the tube in front of my eyes, she activated it, and I watched its tip flash four times before waving for her to stop.

“You good?” she asked.

“A kernel of energy is still resting deep inside, but I don’t think that will ever leave me,” I said. “It’s been there since Alouin sent me home.”

“Good enough, then.”

Brennan shoved the tube into my hands.

“You got mugged?” she snapped. “This is why I wanted you to stay here until I was home and could help you. What’s with your insistence on going off alone?”

Help. Why did she think I needed help?

“I can handle myself,” I said with rubber lips.

“Maybe you can most of the time,” Brennan said, “but right now, you’re a dead criminal who insists on going out and about in a city that’s celebrating your execution. In a situation like that, everyone needs a helping hand.”

“Such weak thinking.”

Crossing my arms, I decided that the bed opposite me was more fascinating than the change of expression taking place on Brennan’s face. While examining its mussed state, I calculated whether I could reach the door beside it before she could stop me because now that we were having it, this conversation seemed rash.

I should find Zhao. See if he had another task for me to complete. Or perhaps I could creep out of the house so I could visit Taro’s estate.

“What’s weak about accepting help from a friend?” Brennan spat. “We humans need one another, both for companionship and *for support.* Excuse me for trying to be a decent human being!”

Damn, but she was sorely testing my resolve not to threaten her. Long-drilled practices were battling with my heart, making my fingers twitch with the need to hold a weapon. I scratched my wrist to distract myself from the feeling.

“You’re not from here, so I don’t expect you to understand,” I said. “Here, weakness—like accepting another person’s help—is a disease. It rots the body of Hiyuki, the empire that was established to steady our world’s instability. Any sign of it should be removed before it festers and spreads.”

My wrist had started hurting, but I never stopped clawing at it. Brennan’s eyes were burning to the core of me while the heat in them crisped my heart as surely as earth’s blood had once done, but I could handle that. I knew she wouldn’t accept my reality, just like the people from the kingdoms beyond Hiyuki’s borders didn’t.

…Was this was Nokoribi had meant?

“Find the truth,” was what he’d said.

Spoken in reference to the discussion we’d been holding the night before his death, or so I’d thought. Zhao had insisted that Nokoribi had been questioning Hiyuki’s central tenant in the years leading up to his death, though. Had my friend been infected as early as that?

If he had been, he hadn’t acted like it. Up until that last week, he’d seemed as strong of an emperor as he’d always been. Which meant… what exactly?

“You sound like the Roghnaithe from Brighde,” Brennan hissed. “You sound like the person I was before I left home. *God,* how I hate them both.”

I’d never heard such venom from her before. Turning to her, I found her face almost as cherry red as my eyes were with tears pooling in her brown gaze, and the sight of this punched me as hard as a fist might.

“I accepted help from a brilliant woman in Vathaylia, and because I did, you’re alive today,” Brennan said. “When I was visiting Brighde, my best friend constantly needed my help. He encompassed Hiyuki’s definition of weakness, and yet, *he saved his world.* Almost died doing it too. So, don’t tell me that needing help is weak. It’s not! It’s anything *but* weak.”

Tears were spilling over her cheeks, and I wanted to agree with her. I wanted to accept that her truth was what Nokoribi had wanted me to find, but I couldn’t. What I’d known to be right for my whole life wasn’t so easily relinquished.

With my fingers gouging into my skin, I said, “What do you know of Hiyuki? How can you know what it takes to survive here? Does your home teeter on the brink of starvation? Does the earth you walk upon ever threaten to erupt, turning solid ground into islands floating in earth’s blood? Is that how you grew up? Were you born to downtrodden parents and sold to a guild so they could-?”

No. I wouldn’t delve into that period of my life. I wouldn’t join Brennan in surrendering to my burning eyes. Instead, I focused on the pain in my wrist and the skin that was curling under my fingernails.

“I won’t argue about this with you,” I said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should accept help sometimes, but in this case, I can’t."

"Before earth and fire chose him, Nokoribi saved my life. I was young and tired and certain that my life could never improve. I thought I couldn’t escape from my misery, and so, I went to the steamworks, looking for a quiet place to die. ‘ribi ran into me before I could find it. He persuaded me to stay strong and endure life for one more week. In that time, he hid me, and the two of us transferred my writ of membership to the steamworks guild. Once that was done, we’d return every week to where ‘ribi had found me, and he’d ask me if I could stay strong for another one. Every time, I told him yes. Every time. Until fire blazed in his coal eyes."

"I owed my friend everything, and when he needed me, *I failed him.* The only way I can live with myself is if I bring his murderers to justice, and I can’t accept help while completing that task. I have to finish this alone.”

After a long silence, a sigh answered me. Capturing my scratching fingers, Brennan lifted my bloodied wrist to her mouth, sucking on the furrow in one, and despite how much my jaw had clenched with my teeth grinding and how badly I needed to squirm, a thrill also shot through me. Jerking my head toward her, I watched her pull bandages from a pocket and wondered why my mouth had gone dry.

Brennan wrapped gauze around my self-inflicted wounds.

“I understand the need to accomplish something alone,” she said, “but will you try to understand that other people might need you to succeed as badly as you do? Please, Kasai. You don’t have to accept my help if the idea of it runs so anathema to who you are, but don’t stop me from coming with you when you leave this place. Let me do what I must to bolster my own strength.”

Come with me? She wanted to be at my side. That… I actually *liked* that idea.

As I collected her hands from my arm, my heart painfully thumped against my breastbone.

“You only had to ask,” I said.

And her eyes lit with a sunrise blooming in their rich brown. And her full lips twisted with mischief and mirth. And my fingers played through her hair as I brushed it over her shoulder. And her face became the world.

When had I gotten so close to her? By earth and fire, *why* was I so close?

*Alone and tired and cold, I lie on the floor beside the bed, hoping she won’t wake up before I can leave. Praying…*

*Her breathing hitches, rising to a waking rhythm, and my mind cries out as she leans over the bedside. Her face hovers centimeters from mine, coming closer.*

*Closer.*

*NOT AGAIN.*

I’d become stone with my position reversed from the one I’d taken, so many years ago, and Brennan was looking at me with the same wide eyes that I’d once worn. The same enduring stillness inhabited her, and with my guts churning, I pried my itching fingers off of her shoulders. Like a wooden marionette, I rose from the bed before marching out the door for a washroom.

Once there, the turmoil in my head metamorphosed into an outpouring of acid and bile, and over my coughing, I heard Brennan’s footsteps approaching. When she soon retreated from me without a word spoken, I silently blessed her. Perhaps she’d absorbed some of what I’d said about weakness.

When I returned to the room, I stopped in the doorway.

“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable,” I said. “It wasn’t my intention.”

Although I had no clue what I *had* been meaning to do.

“Don’t worry about it. You caught me by surprise, is all,” Brennan said. “I’m not the best at noticing interest that runs in *that* direction.”

Cocking my head, I said, “What direction?”

Instead of answering me, Brennan hummed with her face wrinkling.

“Never mind,” she said. “Why don’t we refocus on what we were discussing?”

I’d rather figure out why I’d been acting so strangely around her lately. What was this peculiarity that I’d experienced while around Brennan, starting shortly after we’d met? I’d never craved someone’s presence before, not like I did with her at least.

It wasn’t like my need to be near Nokoribi had been. That had come as a requirement of my job. The same need existed with Brennan, but she needed no one’s protection, least of all mine.

If left uninvestigated, this want in me could become a problem, but Brennan seemed determined to drop the subject. Perhaps if I indulged her in that desire now, we could return to it later.

“We were talking about having you accompany me outside of Zhao’s home, yes?” I said.

“That’s right,” Brennan said. “From now on, will you promise that you won’t head off without me, at least until things have calmed down a little more?”

Would I let another person come with me on my quest for revenge?

…What could it hurt?

“As much as I can, I won’t run off alone,” I said. “I can’t promise to wait for you if something time-sensitive comes up, though.”

“Nor would I expect you to,” Brennan said, “but no more randomly leaving while I’m sleeping or in Takanai. Say it.”

“As much as possible, I promise to bring Bren with me when leaving Zhao’s’ house,” I said. “Satisfied?”

Delight morphed Brennan’s features into a pleasing pattern, and again, a shock cascaded through me from head to toes. What *was* that?

“Very much so,” she said. “Now, while I was in the city, I heard that your first target, Arita, met a gruesome end last night. Your doing, I presume?”

Nodding, I buried resurgent memories of wax, drying around scorched lips.

“And Zhao mentioned that you have a new target,” Brennan said. “So, who is it? If you’re lucky, I might have some useful information for you now.”

How could so much vindictive joy come from the answer to one question?

"Taro, the chairman of Takanai’s brothel guild,” I said. “I’d like to pay him a visit tonight, barring unforeseen circumstances.”

“What good luck that I made myself look into that guild today, then,” Brennan said. “Come. Sit.”

She patted the sheets at her side, and striding to her, I dropped into them. With my eyes closed, I rested my folded hands on my chest while Brennan’s soothing gvoice gave me the details I needed to outline a plan.

# Chapter Sixteen

There was no security waiting for us at Taro’s estate. The modest building lay quiet beneath diffused moonlight. The streetlamps’ light was the only illumination splashed over brushed metal.

When Brennan and I entered the place through its front door, no one protested our invasion of another person’s privacy. We trod down empty hallways while the quiet we’d found inside raised the hairs on my arms.

I’d never visited a house that was so dead before, not any belonging to a chairman at least. No matter how late the hour was, servants should be filling this place, or they should on this lower level at least, but only darkness and a lack of motion persisted here, making the whisper of our feet in the carpet loud by comparison.

Unlike Arita, Taro kept to a conventional bedroom placement: the central-most position on the lowest floor. Firelight seeped from under the room’s door, and on seeing it, Brennan stepped in front of me with an eyebrow raised.

I shrugged while pulling my pistol and a knife free. She followed my example, and together, we crept toward our goal.

Plastered beside the entrance, I glanced at Brennan and after she nodded at me, eased the door open. When no surprises, whether a weapon or person, sprang through it, I skirted around the edge with my pistol leading me.

Taro’s bedroom projected a cozy air with its size barely large enough to avoid a cramped status. Cloth hid Its metal surfaces with so many pillows scattered across the floor that I momentarily thought I was back in Nokoribi’s bedroom.

The narrow bed, tucked into a corner, quickly dispelled that illusion, though. Nokoribi had always enjoyed extra space wherever he’d slept, whether to accommodate his guests or give himself room to sprawl, and this bed had enough space for maybe one person.

A fireplace and set of lamps provided the room with a hearty glow, but even still, shadows persisted in its crevasses and corners. A desk sat opposite these sources of illumination, and atop it, a diminutive man was slumped with his face planted in his crossed arms.

I led the way to him on silent feet with Brennan keeping just as quiet, so when Taro spoke up, it froze me mid-stride, and my foot fell with a thump.

“Amari Kasai. You’re finally here. I’ve been waiting since sundown for you to arrive.”

Was this a trap?

Without me saying a word, Brennan rushed to the door, arranging herself to intercept anyone who might come through it. How had she known what I’d want from her?

No longer bothering with stealth, I finished my advance, pressing my pistol’s muzzle into the back of Taro’s neck. The noise of its hammer cocking seemed deafening in the room, especially with the fire’s crackle accenting it.

“Sorry to have left you in suspense,” I said.

“There’s no need for hostility. No one will interrupt this conversation,” Taro said. “Once I heard about Arita, I sent my family and the staff away. I knew I’d be your next target, and it’s a good thing too. I can give you the emperor’s message before you kill someone else.”

Something in what he’d said should have given me pause. A whisper in me recognized this, but an image of lips left bleeding from heat while their owner gurgled a scream shot to the forefront of my mind. Revulsion—a sense of unclean—made me dig my pistol harder into Taro’s spine.

“Arita got what he deserved,” I growled.

“Maybe so,” Taro said with a cough. “Doesn’t stop me from wanting to prevent more deaths. May I please sit up, Kasai?”

I’d blow a hold through this man’s neck. All the suffering he’d caused and he dared to use my name? I’d *kill him.*

Brennan rested a hand on my shaking arm. That touch was enough to still the swirl entangling me, thinning it enough for me to recognize her features. Concern was blazing from her face, but she didn’t let it touch her voice.

“He said he has a message from your friend,” she said.

The swap from burning fury to shock came so swiftly that it left me dizzy. Removing my pistol from Taro’s skin, I stumbled away, needing space.

Nokoribi would never have given Taro a message. He’d known about my past with this man, known what would happen if the brothel guild’s chairman and I had ever met without the constraints of the bodyguard role to hold me in check.

Maybe that was why he’d left a message here, though. Because he’d known the first place I’d go after gaining my freedom would be this house.

“Talk,” I said.

“The emperor entrusted me with a secret,” Taro said. “Laugh all you want, but it’s the truth.”

I had no amusement to give.

“I find that hard to believe," I spat. "What possible thing could ‘ribi, *the emperor,* have wanted to give *you?”*

“His trust, for one,” Taro said. “He knew a plot was brewing among the guilds, so he asked me to infiltrate its conspirators.”

“You. The chairman of the guild he-”

Such rage was flowing through me, building with each moment. So, why was I flinging hysterical laughter into the room?

“If ‘ribi knew about this plot, why didn’t he come to me?” I said when I could. “I am… was his bodyguard. Rooting out conspiracies was my job.”

Shrugging, Taro spread his hands.

“Who can know the mind of our once Blessed Emperor?” he said. “I can only make a guess.”

I’d regret asking this but…

“What’s your guess, then?” I hissed. “Go on. Give it your best shot.”

If Taro had heard the scorn in my voice, he didn't seem bothered by it.

“I think our emperor didn’t want to stress you with this conspiracy,” he said. “Toward the end of his reign, he’d made many changes that the guilds found intolerable. You must have seen this. It’s why so many assassins tried their luck with him in recent years and why your job had become so wearing lately.”

“I was fine!” I snapped.

Taro looked down his nose at me with disbelief etched into his face’s every place.

“Our emperor didn’t think so,” he said, “or at least, that’s what I gathered every time he mentioned you in our communications.”

“He thought I was weak,” I said with my voice dead.

Why else would Nokoribi have given a responsibility that should have been mine to another person?

Turning away from Taro, I suppressed a shudder, longing to bury myself in the pillows at my feet. So when someone rested their hand on my back, it made me jump.

“Your friend cared,” Brennan said. “He didn’t think you were weak or incapable of handling this conspiracy. From what it sounds like, your ‘ribi just wanted to ease the pressure on you in the only way he could. He acted as any good friend would.”

Maybe Brennan’s theory held water. After all, taking on more than one could handle didn’t show strength, only foolishness. Everyone had a breaking point, and once someone reached theirs, they became useless to Hiyuki. Maybe Nokoribi had seen something in me that I hadn’t, realizing I was approaching what might break me.

“She’s right, and maybe that concern is what got him killed,” Taro said. “He never should have trusted *me* to get the job done. I’m-”

“A villain?” I hissed.

I couldn’t take it anymore. The heat that was always found while in this man’s presence released a scream in me, spewing forth a host of words that I’d long left unsaid.

“You’re a snake that’s pretending to be human, a spirit from Katanti, hiding in a flesh sack so you can prey on the innocent.”

With his arms folded, Taro wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“Maybe," he said.

*“Maybe?”*

Striding to Taro, I took hold of his disheveled jacket, shaking him.

“I was *six* when your guild accepted my writ of membership. A child!” I shouted. “The brothels should never have taken me from my parents, no matter how desperate those two were, but after committing a crime like that, I should never have been put to work. Not so young. But *my fucking eyes.* Everyone wants to sleep with someone who’s been so blessed by earth and fire, no matter how old they are, and the blame for it all leads to you, asshole. The abuse, the rapes, the drugs shoved down my throat to keep me complaint-”

My voice was choked off as the past surmounted the barricade I’d raised against it, and distantly, I heard cloth tearing as the lowest moment of my life ripped through me again.

*Darkness rules the steamworks. I didn’t expect that, and because of that, I failed to bring a lantern with me, but it doesn’t matter. Lost in the haze that’s cloying through my head—the dregs from my evening cocktail—I stumble and trip, hardly noticing when I stub my toe on something hot.*

*Why should I care about causing this body further damage? Compared to the hurt it's already endured and the inaudible shrieking of the boy I once was, a bruised knee or scraped shoulder meant nothing.*

*I don’t understand how I escaped from them tonight. In the past, I’ve tried it often enough to a resounding lack of success, and of course, my victory came when I’d had no plan. I didn’t put a drop of effort into it.*

*I can’t return to learn why they let me slip free of their bonds tonight, though. Not ever. Not even if I become a skeletal child languishing in the streets, so desperate for food that I’d do ANYTHING…*

*No. I can't let that happen. So, I came here to prevent myself from reaching that level of desperation, a place where it might take a few days for them to find me.*

*Orange light laps at a wall up ahead, and when I step around its corner, heat scalds me, almost shriveling my hair. It feels wonderful.*

*Chains and pulleys are hanging over an earth’s blood channel ahead. So much swirling orange and yellow is flowing in front of me, and I eagerly step forward, racing to the edge.*

*The pop and bubble of molten earth echoes more loudly than I thought it would, which is sad. I’d have liked one moment of quiet in this miserable life.*

*Still. Nothing for it. I have no ties to keep me glued to this stone. What waits below me looks pleasant enough when compared to where I’ve lived through.*

*“Ya don’t look weak.”*

*I jump so intensely that it almost tips me over the edge. Searching for the voice that had spoken, I find it in a younger boy, perched on a rail over the channel, and when our eyes meet, he lifts two fingers in a wave.*

*Confused, I ask, “What do you mean?”*

*“Wut I said.”*

*With a chain looped around an arm, the boy swings to where I’m standing. Brushing himself off, he lifts his coal-black eyes to me with a playful smirk tugging at his lips.*

*“Ya look strong,” he said. “We should be strong togetha.”*

*Stunned, I gape at the boy as he stalks past me toward the dark of the steamworks. For some reason, I don’t want him to leave, even knowing how much easier my plan will become once he’s gone.*

*“Don’t you know why I’m here?” I call after him. “What I mean to do?”*

*Flipping to me, the boy stops with his hands on his hips.*

*“Sure! See it all ta time, I do, but yu’re not ready fa it. Not yet,” he shouts over the rumble of earth’s blood. “Wut ya say? Stay strong for one more week, togetha?”*

*I don’t know why I take a step toward the boy, letting a source of promised release fall behind me.*

*“I’m Amari Kasai,” I say.*

*“Good name!” the boy says. “Lin Nokoribi, me, but you can use ‘ribi. Let’s get ya somewhere quiet, and yu can tell me wut led ya here tonight.”*

*Again, I don’t know why I trail after this boy, but as I trudge behind him, I know I can trust him. Nokoribi is the type of person I could follow for the rest of my life.*

Now, he was gone. Dead, in part, because of the man in front of me.

With torn-free patches of his jacket clenched in my curled fingers, I growled, “You could have stopped this, all of it. It’s your fault.”

“I didn’t know about you!” Taro said. “Part of my guild went rogue, starting something I never would have approved if I’d known about it. I shut it down as soon as I learned about it but-”

And Brennan was there with her fist slamming into Taro’s jaw hard enough to topple him. As he flopped to his back on the ground, her sword flashed, leaving its point hovering above where his legs joined together.

“Claiming ignorance doesn’t excuse your behavior. I hate people who exploit the powerless,” she said with her voice cold., “but I also hate unnecessary violence. So. You have one minute to plead for your continued existence before I castrate you and let Kasai have his fun.”

Lifting himself up on his elbows, Taro might be trembling, but his gaze was steady as he raised his chin.

“I have no excuse,” he said. “You should kill me.”

Brennan swayed away from him while her sword point wavered.

“What?” she said.

Taro, however, seemed finished with her.

To me, he said, “I can’t give you the conspirators’ names. Despite my best efforts, I never met with them, but I can share that Nokoribi’s assassin is taking shelter in one of my brothels, the one run by someone you know. Her name is Morihei.

“I suspect that this is why our emperor visited her establishment so often, although I’m not sure how he knew that he might find a subversive there. I only learned about it a few days ago, and I hadn’t yet shared the information with him because I didn’t know the assassin’s identity. Perhaps our emperor learned of their hiding place through other means.

“However he found the assassin's hiding place, he wanted me to send you their way if he died. I was also supposed to tell you that you shouldn’t hurt them, and that was the last I heard from him.”

I didn’t want to believe this. If it was true, it meant that the many times when I’d thought Nokoribi had been indulging in a source of pleasure, he’d instead been seeking out a threat to his life.

While I’d sat outside.

I knew it couldn’t be a lie, though. Not only was a man more inclined to tell the truth when in a position like Taro’s, but the behavior he’d described fit Nokoribi. *Of course* he’d used his reputation as a voracious lover to try teasing out a conspiracy.

“Shit,” I murmured.

So, what now? My next destination was Morihei’s brothel, obviously. When I got there, though, should I confront the owner or try finding the assassin without her knowledge?

And what should I do with Taro?

“Just say the word,” Brennan said under her breath.

Her blade crept closer to Taro, but he paid her no mind.

“I’m sorry for what happened to you, but my apology is all I can offer,’ he said. “I know I can never repair the damage that was done to you, except perhaps by giving you my life. If it will help you, take it.”

Oh, how badly I wanted to accept that offer. No matter that Taro held such guilt over my circumstances that he’d offered to die for me, my hands still twitched when considering the possibility of rending and mutilating someone who’d been such a source of pain for me.

At the same time, though, I couldn’t banish the vision of another corpse I’d made, filling my eyes.

“Let’s go,” I said.

Brennan stared at me like I’d switched bodies with a stranger. Somehow, she managed to look like I’d taken a promised toy from her as well.

“Are you sure?” she asked.

No, I wasn’t. Sparing Taro, which would be akin to letting an enemy go free, was a *terrible* idea, but all I could see was an image of Arita’s tortured face, and bile clawed up my throat. I couldn’t increase the wight of my guilt.

“Just because he’s a human stain doesn’t mean I have to become one too. I won’t let him add to the filth that’s already on my hands," I said. “Come on, Bren. We have a brothel to visit.”

As she sheathed her blade, Brennan wrinkled her nose.

“Fantastic,” she grumbled. “Well? Lead on.”

Before leaving, I nudged Taro with my boot tip.

“You won’t tell anyone you saw me, will you?” I asked.

“Saw who?” Taro said.

“Good. I’d hate to make a return trip here.”

Once we were on the street, Brennan took gaping strides to stay by my side. I didn’t pay her much mind. I saw her casting significant glances my way, yes, but I was too busy fighting an internal war to acknowledge them.

After a moment, she said. “I won’t press you any further about what you said back there, but if you need me, I’m here. I’ve heard that talking about trauma is good for you.”

It was bad enough that she’d learned about my greatest weakness. I wouldn’t explore it further with her.

Still.

“You *hear* it’s good for you?” I asked. “Haven’t tried it for yourself?”

Making a face, Brennan said, “Yeah, yeah. What do you know? I’m a hypocrite. Maybe it’s something we can tackle together.”

“Maybe.”

“But not right now?” Brennan asked.

“Such talent for reading context,” I said.

“Wow. Sarcasm? I didn’t know you had it in you, K.”

She skipped ahead, and while I kept half an eye on her, I also scanned our surroundings.

Takanai showed a different face at night. The wealthier neighborhoods might persist in a serene silence, but elsewhere, the daylight hubbub of commerce yielded to entertainment, meant to tempt the eye and mind.

Loud music marked sporadic buildings as dance clubs, and games of pechet spilled out of gambling dens and onto the street. At the end of alleys, people beckoned potential clients closer to examine their wares. Brennan had probably gotten our drug supply from a vendor like that, although healing aids didn’t come close to touching the variety of goods that one could find in darkened side streets.

And of course, there were the brothels. As I led Brennan through a decorative, stone garden, I thanked earth and fire that Morihei’s establishment was one of the more well-maintained ones. The grime found in others could be disgusting at times, but fortunately, we wouldn’t have to deal with that unpleasantness tonight.

I only remembered that Morihei could potentially identify me as I stepped through the place’s door. She’d be the first citizen I’d approached who’d known me from before my death.

Snatching Brennan’s hand, I drew her closer in a clumsy attempt at a disguise, which quickly had my palm sweating against hers. Thankfully, she played along, although she did give me an odd look.

We needn’t have bothered. Morihei, barely clothed as always, looked us over without recognition.

“Greetings, new additions to my most joyous family! How may I assist you on this fine evening?” she chimed. “Perhaps you’d like a massage? Or would you prefer something more daring?”

Lowering her eyes, she coyly smiled, and my stomach twisted. Still, I opened my mouth to speak before pausing. If I said a word, would she recognize my voice?

Thankfully, Brennan saved me from this conundrum.

“Things have been getting boring in the bedroom lately,” she said. “We were hoping to spice it up tonight.”

Giggling, she twisted in place, holding our clasped hands to her chest, and while my jaw clenched against a renewed need to shudder, I stared at her. With her performance, an interrogation strategy had gone out the window, at least for now. What was Brennan doing?

“We can certainly help you with livening things up,” Morihei said. “If you’ll leave a deposit with me, you’re welcome to browse the choices available to you. Once you’ve made a decision, I hope you’ll enjoy your time with us, but please, remember to return here once you’ve finished. My family’s big brothers don’t look kindly on new members who forget to pay.”

A deposit? Shit. I didn’t have a payment method on me. Since earth and fire had chosen Nokoribi years ago, things like that hadn’t crossed my mind, and even if I had thought of it, I hadn’t had a chance to find a source of income yet.

So, my eyes widened when Brennan dug in her jacket’s folds and slapped a few ration tokens in front of Morihei. When had she found the time to procure that?

“We’d never want to disappoint our family,” she said, giggling again.

She pressed into my side, and I frowned as the foreign thrill from earlier today zapped through me again, intermingling with the acid on the back of my tongue. What on earth had gone wrong with me lately?

Morihei gestured to a curtained entryway, and I focused on the strangeness that was me passing through it this time. It was better than acknowledging the ache that spawned when Brennan pulled away from me.

Then, I was standing in my friend’s domain, a place I’d never visited before, and that curious sensation fell out of my mind.

Week after week, Nokoribi had returned to this place, and from an initial inspection, I could see why. It exuded wealth.

A single, self-contained atmosphere was wrapped around it, allowing patrons to discard their bubbles while also giving employees the freedom to unveil their lovely faces. Their glistening red, yellow, and orange-smeared lips never broke from a smile, whether flirtatious or innocent, and the theme of earths’ blood coloring continues in their flowing outfits, all of which barely covered their bodies.

Rooms along the chamber’s perimeter had bulky men guarding their entrances, and a middle ring of open space held pillows and chairs, arranged around raised platforms.

The place’s centerpiece, though, was in the middle of the room. Clouded glass enclosed that space, and indistinct figures writhed within.

These things, Nokoribi would have enjoyed. Even still, I saw a problem here, mostly in the form of the employees. Those people were beautiful, of course, but they couldn’t hope to match what an emperor had thrown at him on a daily basis. The increase in the quantity and quality of people begging for my friend’s attention had been the only benefit he’d enjoyed about becoming the emperor.

Or at least, I thought it was so. I also remembered mornings when I’d found Nokoribi in bed with people that most would consider plain. So, maybe what I’d thought was avaricious lust was actually… loneliness.

Regardless, my friend wouldn’t have approved of the men guarding every room or the brothel’s relative openness. He’d liked his privacy, and this place catered more toward those who liked to watch and exhibitionists. If I’d ever bothered to follow him inside, maybe I’d have figured out that something besides the expected had been taking place during our visits here.

Brennan tugged on my sleeve, and blinking, I realized I’d been staring for quite a while.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

Why wouldn’t I be?

Even as I thought that question, though, I realized where her concern was coming from.

“There’s nothing wrong with sex or with people who buy and sell it, although I’ve never understood the fascination. My problem is when unwilling participants get involved,” I said. “Plus, this doesn’t bring back memories, thank earth and fire. Morihei keeps her establishment clean, and she’s *very* generous with her employees. I spent my childhood somewhere…”

As I glanced over the chamber, my mouth twisted while a burn wound itself around my heart.

“Somewhere much more squalid than this,” I whispered.

“Well, I don’t like it,” Brennan said. “So, can we please find this assassin?”

She did look quite uncomfortable. With her arms crossed, she’d hunched her shoulders together, so much so that they’d risen toward her ears, and at the sight of this, any plans I might have had about splitting up flew out the window.

“We’ll try this way first,” I said.

I didn’t comment on what I’d seen in her. Not only was doing that rude, but in a way, I could relate.

When Brennan bristled on hearing a cry of completion, my own skin prickled. When a man came to speak with us, brushing his fingers along our arms, the only reason I didn’t shudder came from a lifetime of hiding such reactions.

Brennan didn’t have my control. She slapped the poor man’s hand away.

All in all, making our prowl around the brothel gave neither of us pleasure, or at least, it didn’t seem to. Why was that, considering how many people here seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves?

As we passed a room toward the back of the chamber, a woman yelped, but that wasn’t what drew me to the place’s curtained door. I’d heard that voice before.

“May I?” I asked the man beside the entrance.

When he shrugged, I pulled the curtain aside, just enough to peek. Inside, a woman had been bound to a four-poster bed, and another, half-clothed woman knelt over her with a bloodied knife grazing her midriff. I bit my cheek as she applied pressure, drawing a crimson line over the bound woman’s scarred skin, before ducking back outside.

A few steps away from the room, I leaned on a wall, fighting the need to return to that room and start a scene, and after a moment, Brennan joined me.

“Is that what you’re into?” she asked.

Why had she sounded curious? Why no outrage or disgust?

“Most definitely not,” I said.

I didn’t know what I ‘was into’, whatever that meant, but seeing what I had…

“I know that woman. Ide,” I said. “In my darkest moment, she was there. I guess Ryoko made good on his promise to help her, but I never thought she’d return here or that Morihei would take her back.”

“Do you want to help?” Brennan asked.

I shook my head, and with my breathing getting less ragged, I pushed myself off the wall.

“I’ve cleared my debt to her. What she chooses to do with her life is her decision,” I said. “I won’t interfere.”

Even if I knew she didn’t want that knife. I remembered how much she’d trembled when discussing that part of her work, and oh, how I could relate to enduring something unwanted, but the only way she could be lying in that room was if she’d chosen to do it. Morihei wouldn’t allow anything else.

“You can only help someone so much,” Brennan said.

She gave me a sad smile, and I wanted to pull her close and tell her that everything would be fine. That Ide would be fine.

But I knew better.

“We still need to search half of this place,” I said. “If that turns up nothing, we can return in the morning to question Morihei.”

“Good plan,” Brennan said. “The sooner we leave this place, the better.”

On that, I could agree. With every room we’d passed, Brennan had gotten increasingly fidgety with her face tingeing green in the low light. She’d shown such strength already tonight, enduring something she so clearly hated. Maybe we should cut tonight’s work short and make any further visits to the brothel brief.

She’d said she could handle this, though. Why was I doubting her about that? Did I think she was weak?

No. Definitely not that.

I was so focused on Brennan that I nearly missed the girl. Since we’d entered this place, several teenagers had been running around the chamber, carrying trays of drinks and snacks to patrons.

As was custom, these young ones wore masks to cover their faces, indicating they were unavailable. I’d often longed for one of those when I was a boy, the second reason I’d worn one as Nokoribi’s bodyguard.

By chance, I glanced up from another inspection of Brennan when one of those girls, standing beside a nearby table, tossed her head back, probably laughing at what a patron had said, and I saw it. Barely distinguishable, even in the brothel’s dim light, a glow was seeping from around the edge of her mask.

Just like *that night.*

My vision narrowed. The brothel faded; its bared skin and sickening grunts gone. All that remained was *her.* That girl. The one who’d killed my best friend.

Something alerted her to my presence. I didn’t know what, nor did I care.

She shot upright from serving drinks, dumping their contents in a few of the patrons’ laps. Ignoring their angry curses, she stared at me with her blank mask facing my exposed features, and how I wished I could change our states.

How I wished she was seeing my monster mask, the visage of the man who’d screamed and begged for her to *stop.* Whose howls she must have heard while fleeing from the murder she’d committed.

As hoped, metal wrapped itself around my face, and on seeing it, the girl stumbled into another teenager, knocking a tray out of his hands.

Shattering glass and startled shouts popped in the air like gunshots, and with a distraction provided, the girl took off.

As I chased her, I leapt over tables and ducked around people, bursting through a far door that a heavy curtain had hidden. The girl who’d become the center of my world raced through her fellow employees. She toppled clothing racks behind her, forcing me to batter them out of my way.

The shouts left in my wake and the slap of feet behind me registered in a silenced portion of my mind, one that had been drowned by the need to catch my prey and the thrumming energy inside, which was pressing my legs ever faster.

I shot through another door and into the open air, and sulfurous air greedily invaded my lungs. Almost, I pressed my back teeth together to release my emergency bubble, but if I did that, I’d have to remove my mask, and I couldn’t drop this false face. That girl needed to know fear.

She ducked around a corner, probably realizing these empty streets were a poor means of escape for a short girl being chased by a man.

As I barreled after her, I never checked for traps that she might have set. Maybe if I’d been thinking rationally, I would have, but caution lay far behind me, alongside my heart and Nokoribi’s plea.

I would make this girl suffer.

It didn’t matter in any case. The alley that the girl had chosen ended in a home’s sheer wall, and as she reached it, she glanced over her shoulder.

I smiled behind my mask. Trapped. Had panic begun squealing in her yet?

Then, she gestured, and the cobblestones beneath her feet crumbled. A vine shot for the sky with its tip wrapping around the girl’s wrist, and as it grew thicker, it lifted her into the air. Once she’d alighted on the rooftop, she placed a finger on the greenery she’d created.

Cursing, I managed to touch the vine before it withered into paper-thin, dried plant matter. A faceless mask glanced once more toward the ground before the girl disappeared.

She was the next empress. How had I forgotten?

She’d also done the impossible by scaling this unclimbable wall, and I couldn’t follow her. By the time I’d circled around this building, she’d be gone. I’d lost her.

Screaming, I let the energy inside of me guide my fist, punching the wall that was blocking me from what I most desired.

# Chapter Seventeen

The wall buckled while a groan conveyed the threat of its collapse. Based on the howling in my fingers, I’d say I’d fractured a few bones, and when I retracted my fist, it left a dent behind. All proof of my foolishness.

I didn’t care.

With my shoulders heaving, I spun, and at my back, Brennan—she always supported me—took a step away with her eyes widening.

Where had her spectacles gone? My mask, a defining feature of Nokoribi’s bodyguard, might draw people’s attention, but someone would *definitely* notice the mud in her eyes.

“It’s ok, K. We’ll find her,” she was saying. “Right now, you should use the Neurreorg-”

“No.”

As I swept around her, I recognized that the restless energy inside had incited a storm of wild fury in me, but I did nothing to stop it. Why should I wrangle it under control? I needed this fire scouring my veins, balancing me on the edge of unwise action.

It sped my steps while blinking images of the street broke through the typhoon that I’d become. It turned a pleading voice behind me into a buzz, making Brennan a bug on the wall of my awareness. It would give me the presence and force of will that I’d need to demand what I wanted.

Caution had yet to return to me when I stormed into Morihei’s brothel. Its madam wasn’t at her post in the foyer, so I continued deeper inside, barely feeling the curtain over the door as it slapped my neck and shoulders.

Once more in the arms of supposed temptation, I scanned the open chamber. Before I could find Morihei, a rumbling murmur, one that had to be impressively loud if it had defeated this place’s thumping music, began, and it chased me as I marched across the space. My quarry, the madam, was currently apologizing to a group of patrons, still soaked from spilled drinks.

“Who is she?”

Morihei whirled in place, and at the sight of me, her lips parted.

“You’re alive,” she said.

Neither the people slowly forming a ring around us nor her recognition of me registered in my mind. Only one thing mattered.

*“Who is she?”* I roared.

Taking hold of Morihei’s shoulders, I leaned on her while dragging her so close that I could hear when she swallowed.

“I can’t. The emperor… our late emperor remanded her into my care years ago,” she said. “He told me to guard her as if she were my most prized possession, and I won’t relinquish the trust he placed in me just because he’s dead.”

Was she trying to *protect* an assassin?

“That girl killed the emperor!” I shouted in her face. “‘ribi’s *dead* because of her!”

So many people had surrounded us, something that should bother me for a reason I couldn’t remember. Then, the mask I’d forgotten was knocked off of my face, right before Brennan dragged me around to face her.

“What are you doing?” she hissed. “With the way this is going, all of Takanai will know you’re alive by morning.”

“And?” I growled. “So, they’ll know! We couldn’t have kept it secret for much longer.”

“You’re angry, otherwise you wouldn’t say that,” Brennan said. “We both wanted it kept to ourselves for as long as-”

“Kasai?”

Pushing through the crowd, Ide stumbled into view with a bandage covering her newest wound.

“You’re alive?” she said. “How are you-?”

Lifting a hand to her mouth, she stared at me, and the storm in my core diminished in ferocity. I drifted toward her, but when she retreated, I stopped, chewing on my lip.

“I can’t tell you how I’m alive, Ide, but that doesn’t matter,’ I said. “What does is the girl I chased from this place. She’s the one who committed the crime I was accused of. She murdered my best friend so gruesomely that I haven’t been able to erase the image of it from my mind. So, please. For whatever we might have shared while waiting for death, tell me. Who is she? Where can I find her?”

Ide eyed me like I was a wild animal, which made me wonder if that was how I appeared right now.

“Will you hurt her?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I said.

I honestly hadn’t decided yet. Would I honor Nokoribi’s dying wish, or would I instead take a path that might grant me peace?

Examining me, Ide shook her head.

“I don’t think you will,” she said. “Her name’s Lin Himi. Her home’s on Kunao Road.”

A name. A destination. A goal nearly accomplished.

As something that had been wound tight in me unraveled, I opened my mouth to express my gratitude, but Morihei jumped into the pause first.

“I’ll see that you never work again, Ide,” she hissed. “I’ll make you a downtrodden.”

Since I’d never released the madam, the involuntary clench of my muscles on hearing that dug my fingernails into her arms, and she winced.

Ducking until only a few centimeters separated us, I said, “You will do no such thing. She’ll continue working here, or if you must, you can send her to another establishment. If that doesn’t happen, I will haunt you and your place of business until the day you die. Do you understand me?”

“Why should I fear *you?”* Morihei spat. “The city police or the royal guard will catch you soon enough, failed bodyguard. You won’t escape a second execution.”

She had a point, but I couldn’t just let this lie. I had to fix it.

How much easier would it be to kill this woman and give her position to Ide, rather than to let the situation play out? From the way we’d left things, I knew Taro would allow the impromptu change in leadership, but Morihei had only ever tried to follow Nokoriibi’s commands. She couldn’t help it if those had also misled her.

How could I intimidate her, though? Everything she’d said was right, and I didn’t have the time to find another way to gain her cooperation.

“I don’t need your help, Kasai,” Ide said.

With a slight smile, she glanced at Morihei.

“The madam forgets that she used to have me manage her long-term customers’ accounts. It’s the second reason I was languishing in that pit where we met. If she throws me out of her ‘family’, poor, downtrodden me might sell her secrets to the highest bidder. I won’t give her a second chance to get rid of me without consequence.”

Morihei’s sharply indrawn breath curled my lips. Easing my grip on her, I took a step back.

“It seems you already have ghosts haunting you, dear lady,” I said.

After a speechless moment, Morihei huffed before spinning and marching into the crowd. Ide watched her go with a smirk.

When she turned back to me, I said, “I’m in your debt once more. Because of you, I can finish what my emperor’s death started.”

“Please. You owe me nothing,” Ide said.

“But-”

“Kasai,” Ide interrupted me with a wry grin. “Attend to your lady.”

After nodding to someone behind me, she sauntered away, quickly merging with the crowd.

Said crowd was staring at me. Probably because I was their dead emperor’s bodyguard, who had supposedly been killed but was obviously alive.

What had I said in the heat of the moment not long ago? The secret of my existence would have to come out eventually?

Well, I could have chosen a better way to reveal it. Earth and fire, I was such an idiot.

“Bren,” I muttered, “we need to-”

“Run? I know,” she snapped.

A warm hand slipped into mine while the weight at my back was removed, and Brennan fired the pistol she’d just stolen at the ceiling. At the noise, the people who’d been watching us scattered, and Brennan pulled me toward the exit.

Somehow, she avoided the panicking patrons, and once we’d escaped outside, she dropped her hold on me. In concert, we reached for obscuring spectacles and bubbles, only allowing sulfurous air a few breaths to dwell in our lungs.

As we ran, heading for the concealment of a partying crowd, I absently rubbed the hand Brennan had held, trying to spread the warmth found there into the chill at my core. Foolish wrath had ducked a bow, leaving me once more in rationality’s care. I had what I wanted, and if I were still listening to those wants, I’d head for Kunao Road right now.

The assassin, Himi, wouldn’t go home tonight, though, not if she was smart. She had to know that her pursuer could pry her home’s location out of her employers. A smart girl would, for a time, watch the place to make sure no one had followed her.

Besides, I wanted Zhao involved when I confronted her. My old mentor, a man who’d thought of Nokoribi as a son, deserved this resolution as much as I did.

And of course, I needed to address everything that was wrong with me.

The restless energy inside buzzed under my skin, threatening to rip it open, but that same sensation was buoying a body that I'd pushed to its limit. I’d gone for too long without taking my medicine. The emerging pain of bruises and broken bones, I could ignore, but I couldn't so easily put my dizziness, spreading numbness, and difficulty with catching my breath out of mind. Those symptoms indicated that my possible internal bleeding was now a near certainty. I’d need jatcha soon, if I was to survive it.

When Brennan slowed down, I briefly considered taking her hand again to squeeze it. A few more minutes at our previous pace and I’d have collapsed.

She dropped back alongside me, smacking my arm as she did.

“What were you thinking?” she hissed.

“I wasn’t,” I said with a sigh, “but let’s save the berating for after we’ve reached Zhao’s yes?”

Wordlessly, she watched me for a moment, leaving me in charge of forging our way through the crowded streets.

“You’re limping,” she eventually said.

“Astute observation.”

“How bad is it?” she asked.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

With a snarling growl, Brennan left me in her dust once more, and I followed her, keeping my mind carefully blank. I didn’t consider everything that had happened until we were standing in Zhao’s foyer and the door had clicked closed behind us. When Zhao came to check on us, he took one look and shook his head.

“I knew I should have come with you,” he said. “Oh, well. Let’s get comfortable, and we’ll discuss it.”

“I’ll join you in a moment,” Brennan said.

She hurried up the stairs with Zhao and I watching her go.

“Does she know?” he asked.

His tone of voice told me *exactly* what he was asking about.

Wincing, I said, “My past came out while we were speaking with Taro, yes.”

“And she’s acting like it’s not a big deal. Good girl,” Zhao said. “Come on, *ko.* I can’t wait to hear this debrief.”

He led me to the gathering space where I’d spoken my declaration of revenge scant days before. While Zhao lit incense sticks and poured drinks, I lowered myself as gracefully as I could into the pillows, but the maneuver became more of a tumble than a controlled drop.

With a sharp glance at me, Zhao raised an eyebrow, but I waved the unspoken question away. There was no need to worry him yet.

When Brennan entered the room, she tossed me medicine, and I nearly dropped those hypos in my haste to use them. This earned me another glance from Zhao, but I could hardly blame him for that.

How must I look to him? An unwilling junkie returning to a discarded habit?

In the weeks following his discovery of my lingering addiction, soon after I’d begun my training, how many nights had Zhao sat at my bedside, guiding me through fever-soaked dreams? To him, it wouldn’t matter that the drugs I was taking now weren’t the same as the ones they'd forced on me as a child. Zhao would see me jamming a needle into muscle as a dip into an old dependency, no matter how much it wasn’t.

Flopping to the floor beside me, Brennan pointed at my pocket.

“And the Neurreorg,” she said.

“Later,” I said. "The energy’s helping me focus, and I need that focus if I’m to give a proper report.”

“That can wait until morning,” Brennan said. “Did you get any sleep last night? You were tossing and turning every time I got up to use the washroom.”

Ignoring that question, I said, “No, it can’t wait. We have to share what happened tonight while its details are still fresh.”

“It’s one of the basics of operative work,” Zaho said.

He dangled drinks in front of us, and accepting mine, I took one sip and no more. Staying awake to give my report wouldn’t do any good if I got drunk in the process. So, I played with my glass until Zhao had gotten comfortable.

Once he had, I said, “I have a name and a location, which is all I need to get this assassin. Given that, I’d call the evening a success overall.”

“He failed to mention that in the process of obtaining this information, he revealed his living, breathing state to several dozen people,” Brennan added.

And I winced. I’d meant to share that detail with Zhao, of course, just in a slightly less worrying way.

Predictably, Zhao snapped, “You did *what? Ko,* you needed that anonymity-!”

“Did I? Why? To add another layer of security to my safety?” I asked. “Because no one knows where I’m hiding, and the guild chairs and operative network will need at least a day to learn my location. By that point, I’ll have apprehended the assassin, and her confession should be enough to buy our freedom. Plus, I can move about Takanai like a ghost, if needed. You know that.”

“I thought you were planning on killing the assassin,” Zhao said. “Isn’t that how you were getting your revenge?”

There it was again. The quandary that had plagued me since a hooded and masked girl had laid a hand on my friend to unfurl a tangle inside of him.

Ever since I’d learned about the conspiracy, its participants’ fates had never been in question but the assassin? The tool in their hands? Nokoribi had used the last moments of his life to protect her, and he’d pleaded with me to save her. Could I negate that by carving into the girl, as my heart cried to do?

“I’ll have my revenge,” I said, “but I don’t know if I must claim her life to do that. I need more information. I need to know *why,* and then, I’ll decide.”

Zhao released a coughing fit into his suddenly raised fist while Brennan smiled at me. What on earth had made them react that way? More importantly-

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked.

“No reason, K,” Brennan said. “Just… it’s nice to see you considering how you’ll respond before you do it.”

Did she really think I was *that* impulsive?

“I can’t help it that I usually have an answer for most of the questions people ask me or a response to the things they do,” I said.

“Oh, stop sulking,” Zhao said, rolling his eyes, “and tell me this evening’s story. In its entirety, please.”

As requested, I launched into the tale, and for a brief moment, I returned to the time of my training. Zhao listened without comment as I relayed every pertinent fact that I’d observed or overheard on our outing, but all that filled my thoughts as I spoke was a boy, stumbling through his first debrief, with his distracted teacher standing over him. Those days had long passed, but still, the image stuck in my mind until I’d finished talking about the last of the day’s activities and fell silent.

“I can’t believe you let Taro live,” Zhao breathed.

All the bad things in my life—my past and the murder I’d committed—ran through me like earth’s blood through its channels, and I held perfectly still.

“That’s the first topic you want to discuss?” I asked. “Not that we know who killed ‘ribi and where she lives?”

“Yes, that also surprised me,” Zhao said. “Why did you come back here? Why aren’t you watching Himi’s home for her return instead?”

Shrugging, I said, “I thought you’d want to join me, *maiyaru.* I know what ‘ribi meant to you.”

With a loud sigh, Zhao shook his head.

“What *both* of you do,” he said.

“You say that, and yet, you don’t see the real reason he returned here,” Brennan said.

Glaring at her, I begged for her to keep her mouth shut, but of course, she ignored my silent wishes.

“He needs rest,” she said. “His injuries have finally surmounted his stubbornness.”

With flint eyes, Zhao faced me.

*“Ko…”*

I’d never wanted to see such worry on my old mentor’s face, not again.

“I’m fine, *maiyaru.* I promise,” I said. “I can handle the hardships that I’ve been given. Weakness isn’t mine. I don’t think.”

Wasn’t it, though? I hadn’t killed Taro, my greatest enemy. I’d let emotions control me at Morihei’s establishment. I’d done that *willingly.*

And of course, I had no clue what was happening to me when I was around Brennan. Despite my many denials, was it possible that weakness had infected me?

“Ok. I can’t resist asking anymore,” Brennan said. “Why is Hiyuki so obsessed with strength and weakness?”

“What sort of question is that?” I asked, pulling away from her. “Strength is all that matters-”

*“Ko.* You’ve talked quite enough for tonight,” Zhao said. “You will lie in those pillows, take care of everything that’s wrong with you, and listen until I say otherwise. As your *maiyaru,* I command it. Unless you want to challenge me?”

Damn. Zhao hadn’t invoked his right as mentor in years, especially not in such a rebuking tone. Surprise and engrained obedience had me pulling the Neurreorg from my pocket while I laid down.

As I let blue and purple light flash into my eyes, Zhao told a story as familiar to me as a smog-covered sky.

“To understand Hiyuki, Brennan, you must look to the empire’s founding. In ages past, our world wasn’t as volatile as what you see now. Mt. Teisu and other such summits didn’t produce earth’s blood like they do in present day, our air could be breathed without bubbles, and we could grow crops without much effort. Famine, which is ever-present today, was a word so rarely spoken that most considered it foreign. I know a world like this seems impossible, but I tell you. At one point, it existed.”

Brennan lifted a hand to cover a snort, but when Zhao gave her an odd look, she waved for him to continue.

“Although my proposed world might seem like a paradise, problems afflicted it to, and many would consider them worse than our current troubles,” he said. “Across the many kingdoms, two warring factions threatened life in our world. Their fighting brought humanity to the brink of extinction time and again, a conflict that both sides justified as necessary because it was required by their gods-”

“Let me guess,” Brennan interrupted. “Sgaradh and Gléidhteachas? Or maybe Calig and Lumin?”

“I’ve never heard of those first two but the others… how did you know?” Zhao said. “I thought you weren’t from Hiyuki, and the other kingdoms don’t hold this tale in high regard.”

“I’ve heard a similar story somewhere else, but for now, that doesn’t matter,” Brennan said. “I’m assuming something happened to banish Calig and Lumin’s influence here, otherwise you lot would still be fighting their War. How on earth did your people get those ornery forces of nature to leave you alone?”

I loved this part. Despite my instructions, I couldn’t stay silent for it.

“We don’t know,” I said, “or at least, we don’t know the details about it.”

I snapped my mouth shut at Zhao’s glare, but then, he resumed the story.

“Over the ages, fledgling kingdoms struggled to stop these factions. They tried negotiation, containing the gods’ followers on separate landmasses, and at one point, exterminating everyone from both sides. Nothing worked. Every time the problem seemed solved, followers of Calig and Lumin would rise again. Then came Hiyuki’s first emperor, Mok.”

Silence fell as we gave our respect to the only emperor whose name the common people knew, the only one worthy of that honor.

“Our first emperor began his campaign against the two factions knowing that the peace he forged would be temporary,” Zhao eventually continued. “Still, he fought and bled and committed terrible crimes because he believed peace, no matter how fleeting, would be worth the struggle. You see, with each reprieve the world gained from Lumin and Calig’s conflict, humanity had a chance to rebuild, climbing out of the certainty of our extinction.

“So, Mok showed strength. He waded through the horrors of war, understanding that the further into that depravity he swam, the longer it would take Calig and Lumin’s followers to recover. For this, we honor him as much as we vilify everything he did.”

“May his name live on,” I murmured.

“His story a cautionary one for us all,” Zhao added. “May we never need to make the choices he did, and if we must, may we have the strength needed to take the path toward Hiyuki’s advancement.”

Again, quiet ruled the room, and after a moment, Brennan clicked her tongue.

“That’s it?” she asked. “I guess you’ve answered my question about Hiyuki’s fixation on strength, but your story can’t end like that. I’m a writer. I know you can’t leave as many threads hanging from a tale as this one has.”

“Patience, young lady,” Zhao said. “If you write, then you should also know that a story must follow its proper flow. Respect this one’s.”

As Brennan’s face reddened, I smiled. I hadn’t seen her embarrassed before. It was a good look on her.

“Soon enough, Mok reached a point where he believed he'd pacified Lumi and Calig’s followers as thoroughly as possible,” Zhao soon continued, “which left him with the question of what to do next. Should he establish a kingdom, as so many before him had? Should he impress upon the younger generation the importance of vigilance for the enemy’s return? Because despite knowing his established peace could only last for a few decades, he strove for more, as do we all.

“At that point, someone gained Mok’s confidence. Although we don’t know much about this man, we do know that he became the emperor’s advisor. This happened after he convinced Mok that he could permanently drive Lumin and Calig out of our world.”

Smacking her face, Brennan released a disgusted sigh while I shot out of the pillows.

“That’s where I’ve heard his name before!” I said. “I ran across it in ‘ribi’s books on obscure history. In one of them, the author claimed that the advisor jokingly called himself ‘Alouin 2.0’.”

“So, one of the bastard’s copies,” Brennan sighed before continuing at my confused look. “Alouin can copy his essence and put it in new bodies. He has an iteration dedicated to the production of empty vessels like that.”

With a confused frown, I said, “I didn’t understand any of that."

Zhao broke in before I could finish my thought.

“Who is Alouin? And why did you feel the need to interrupt my story again?”

Crossing her arms, Brennan said, “Alouin is a sociopathic bastard who loves to mess with people, but he’s also trying to save several worlds from a calamity, so I give him a pass. For now. From what I hear, his copies aren’t so bad.”

Zhao’s eye was twitching, which was a sure sign that his temper was fraying, so I gave him an explanation he might understand.

“He’s who I met while I was dead, *maiyaru,* the one who rewound my timeline.”

After a beat, Zhao said, “And you think this godlike person was our first emperor’s advisor?”

“Alouin isn’t a god,” Brennan snapped.

But she shut her mouth at our glares.

“I think it’s possible,” I said, “And if that’s true, I’m glad he didn’t kill me when I attacked him. Tell Bren why I’ve said that.”

For a moment, I thought Zhao might not catch the hint to resume his tale. His eyes had glassed over, and he was limply splaying his fingers on his knees, but I understood why he was so shocked.

Before I’d returned to his life, he’d only believed in what he could see, deriding people’s worshipful beliefs about earth and fire, but over the last three days, so much proof of the supernatural had been dumped on him that he must feel drowned by it.

Like a wild animal, Zhao shook himself, shrugging off what had frozen his mind.

“Mok’s advisor helped him establish an empire that spanned most of the world, the boundaries of which have changed little to this day,” he clearly made himself say. “Some of the people closest to the emperor requested freedom to pursue their own ideas for healing our world, disillusioned by their friend’s increasing reliance on his advisor, and Mok gave them leave to establish the kingdoms that currently languish on Hiyuki’s periphery.

“Years passed, and Mok’s empire grew in strength, but his advisor had yet to make good on his promise. A tipping point came, beginning a confrontation between them, but before it could become violent, the advisor asked Mok for one more private audience. No one knows what took place behind that meeting’s closed doors, but when the emperor emerged from it, he was changed.

“He began the construction of something he called ‘the Gateway’. It became his new obsession while his advisor vanished to the far corners of the world.

“Signs of Calig and Lumin’s return rose across Hiyuki, but Mok, who’d ever encouraged watchfulness from his subjects, did nothing to quell the enemies’ growing numbers. His attention and therefore, the empire’s resources only went to his new project. Soon enough, the two factions threatened war again, and the emperor’s once-loyal citizens grumbled about whether their leader had lost his strength.

“That was when Mok’s advisor returned. He negotiated a meeting between the emperor and the leaders of Lumin and Calig’s followers. They met at Mok’s recently finished Gateway, and because the emperor insisted upon keeping that meeting private, the details of what happened there have been lost to history.

“What we do know is that at the start of the meeting, darkness, light, and mist consumed their meeting place, and when these phenomena had cleared, the three sides had reached an agreement.

“As part of that, Mok walked through the Gateway, vanishing into it. The advisor laid his hands on Lumin and Calig’s leaders, and at his touch, they dissolved into thin air, leaving nothing behind. After they’d gone, the advisor approached the Gateway and reached into it. When he pulled his arm free, Mok came with it, and together, they fell to the ground.

“Once a group of soldiers had reached the emperor, his advisor was dead, and unable to rise from the ground, Mok lay still, bearing what we now recognize as the proof of earth and fire’s favor.

“He told his soldiers, ‘I’ve made the sacrifice. Look for the next person it’s demanded of, and by everything you hold dear, pray that they’re strong. Please, let them be strong enough.’

“With those words, he died, and the old world perished with him. For weeks afterward, people cowered in their homes, certain the earth they walked upon would shake them into the void above. Certain that the world's outpouring of earth’s blood would melt humanity in its heat.

“When the world quieted with its transformation complete, people rebuilt, as we always do. Another man bearing earth and fire’s favor succeeded Mok as the emperor. His communions with the earth calmed it, and thus, Hiyuki has persisted with an emperor ever-present to hold the world together. Not a trace of Lumin or Calig has been seen in the ages since.”

Closing my eyes, I enjoyed what this story had never failed to impart to me: pride in the empire, a desire to hold myself to a higher standard, awe for my home’s founding. I experienced all of these at the retelling of Hiyuki’s founding.

“Your story has as many holes in it as Swiss cheese,” Brennan said, “but it certainly explains this iteration’s twisted definition of strength.”

And… she’d ruined it.

“What do you mean” I asked. “Strength can’t have multiple definitions. It doesn’t work that way.”

“If you consider strength as a concept instead of a word, it can,” Zhao said. “I think that’s what Brennan meant, no matter how rudely she put it.”

Sighing, Brennan said, “You’re right. I could have been more diplomatic with that. I’m just so frustrated with this part of Hiyuki. I’ve listened to your explanations and tried to understand. Truly, I have, but why make *strength* a society’s highest virtue? And what’s so wrong with weakness that detecting it in someone is the same as handing out a death sentence? That’s not even touching on what your people consider weak. Accepting a friend’s help? Showing mercy to an enemy? Where I’m from, those are considered moral strengths.”

Showing mercy, like I had with Taro, as a strength?

A snicker became a chuckle, which turned into howling laughter. With my limbs sprawled, I let hilarity stave off the realization I’d reached for a moment longer, and when I could, I fought to reach my feet before stumbling out of the room.

Clinging to a wall outside, I acknowledged a truth that I’d tried to reason away since Nokoribi’s death. The moment I’d held my friend’s corpse in my arms had marked the moment when weakness had crawled into me. I was infected, which meant I needed to remove the weakened limb that I’d become.

But… if I was weak, why did I feel the same as before?

With his voice muffled by the room's barrier, I listened as Zhao said.

“Forgive him, Brennan. He didn’t mean to offend you. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Kasai takes Hiyuki’s principles much more seriously than the rest of us do. That’s mostly my fault. When I was training him to replace me, I went overboard on those lessons because my emperor’s death was influencing me more than I care to admit, but I also think he uses them as a coping mechanism.

“You now know what happened to him as a child. He’s never confronted that part of his life, hiding behind the ideas of strength and weakness, duty to Nokoribi, and revenge instead. I wish he’d face it instead of letting it control him, but that’s not something anyone can force on him.”

“Even if confronting his past would be the ‘strong’ thing to do?” Brennan said.

“Even so.”

Was that what Zhao thought? All this time, he’d considered me weak? And knowing that, he’d let weakness survive.

Well, I’d correct that mistake.

Drawing my pistol, I held it in my open palms. I knew how to ensure a kill with this weapon. I'd done it to particularly careless assassins before, but for the life of me, I couldn’t copy those movements. I couldn't lift the weapon to my head, staring at it instead. Light bounced off of its surfaces as my hands shook.

If he could see this pathetic display, what would Nokoribi think of his bodyguard now?

Ha! What was I thinking? I already knew. With me unable to eliminate the threat, the emperor would have pulled the trigger on me himself.

Did that matter, though? Rather than as a misbehaving tool, what would Nokoribi have thought of me, as his friend?

*Find the truth, K.*

What, by earth and fire, was the truth I was supposed to find?

“Damnit,” I whispered.

I couldn’t eliminate my weakness yet. Justice for Nokoribi came first.

Holstering my pistol, I turned to rejoin the others and nearly ran into Zhao in the process.

*“Maiyaru…”*

What could I say to explain what he’d surely seen?

Zhao stared at me with nothing in his eyes before marching around me without a word, and after he’d entered another room, I released a held breath. He’d be a fun companion tomorrow.

When I strode toward her through incense smoke, Brennan glanced up. She ran her eyes over my body, and under her scrutiny, I suppressed a squirm.

“You look better,” she said.

But her eyebrows rose, and I heard her unspoken question.

“I feel terrible,” I said.

While her eyes sprang wide open, I fell into the pillows. Did a display of weakness matter when I was already infected? I wouldn’t surrender the illusion of strength when around other Hiyukians, as doing anything else was too dangerous, but Brennan wasn’t from the empire.

Slapping at the pillows, I searched through them until I found her fingers and claimed her hand. I didn’t know why holding it made me feel as if the world had gone right, as if Nokoribi was alive and I’d introduce Brennan to him soon, but whatever that reason might be, I needed this comfort now.

Unlike before, Brennan didn’t seem to mind my touch, which mirrored how my typical revulsion had diminished with her. She shifted a bit, but once she’d gotten settled, she pressed her fingers into the back of my hand.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” she said.

“You did, but from what I heard, I did the same thing to you,” I said. “Besides, what you said made me realize something important, something I needed to know.”

“Which was?”

I rolled toward her.

“I’d rather not share, if you don’t mind,” I said.

“Why would I?”

Taking slow breaths of the incense around us, I watched Brennan finish her drink. I barely knew this woman, had considered her a threat mere days before.

So, why did I trust her now? I’d given her my dominant hand, and her hold of it gave her a distinct advantage over me, if she decided to attack. I’d accepted that risk, though, tossing safety to the wind. Why?

Was it merely the result of our circumstances? Harsh situations could draw people together more quickly than day-to-day life; I knew, but our bonding seemed accelerated, even with that fact. A wary acquaintance becoming someone I trusted as much as I had Nokoribi within a few days? The change gave me metaphorical whiplash.

No matter how illogical it seemed, though, this switch in affection had happened. I could only hope that this hastening of my trust didn’t end in disaster for either of us.

Forget my trust of her, though. Nothing was keeping Brennan in Hiyuki. In fact, she didn’t seem to like my home very much. So, why had she stayed?

“K, can I ask you a troubling question?” she said.

Why didn’t her use of Nokoribi’s nickname upset me?

“Only if I can ask you one as well,” I said.

“Fair enough,” Brennan said with a laugh. “In that case, please let me finish speaking before you answer my question, all right?”

Stifling a yawn, I said, “I’m sorry. The day’s catching up with me. But sure, I’ll keep my mouth closed."

Squeezing my hand, Brennan pulled her own free before folding both of them in her lap.

“Are you sure you want to stay here?” she asked.

On hearing a question so similar to my own coming from her, I tensed, but Brennan quickly moved on.

“Hiyuki isn’t the only world, you know. Other iterations run parallel to it,” she said. “I’m from another one, and I have a way to travel between them, something that’s powered by rips in the fabric of reality. Takanai has a rip like that in an abandoned segment of the steamworks. If you want, I could take you to it. We could visit other iterations until we find one where you might be more comfortable. What do you say? Would you like to leave Hiyuki, where you’re a wanted criminal, and start a new life somewhere else?”

Other… worlds. That could explain some of the oddities I’d recently encountered, namely Alouin and his pocket world.

And her.

Could I leave Hiyuki behind? Here was home. Here were those… I…

No one was tying me here. Much as I might respect Zhao and love him as a father figure, I wouldn’t risk staying in Takanai, much less Hiyuki, for him.

And.

Brennan had provided a way for me to remove my weakness from the empire without me having to die.

“I need to see this through,” I said. “In the morning, we’ll visit Himi, and I’ll get my answers. I’ll finish rooting the corruption from Hiyuki but then…”

By earth and fire, what was filling me now? This bubbling buoyancy that curled my lips and almost erased a friend’s broken body from the back of my eyelids? Was this weakness? If it was, why did it feel so good?

“Then, Brennan Adams, I’ll explore these iterations with you.”

Her answering grin cracked my smile so wide that I was afraid I’d beam this wonderful sensation through her, obliterating her with its strength.

“It’s a good plan. If we’re going to fulfill it, we should take advantage of the nighttime hours we have left,” Brennan said, “but first, you had a question, right?”

Oh. How strange. I’d forgotten I’d had one but since she’d asked about it…

“Why are you helping me?”

Brennan turned away, lifting her eyes to the ceiling, and my stomach dropped.

“At first, it was only because Alouin asked. No matter how contrary I am with him, I follow that man’s suggestions because… well, because he’s powerful and he takes the time to help me anyway,” she said with a shrug. “Soon enough, though, I was staying because it seemed necessary. You might not want to admit it, but you’re floundering, K, although you do seem better right now."

She briefly ran her eyes over me before resolutely returning them to the ceiling.

“Now, I-”

Clicking her tongue, Brennan met my gaze with the intensity in her eyes stinging mine.

“I’m helping you because I want to see you happy. You deserve happiness, K.”

Oh… hell.

With my eyes burning, I rapidly blinked to banish the annoying sensation. Crawling to sit with my knees against hers, I brushed my hands along her cheeks, stopping when my fingers grazed her ears. Brennan had become a statue, and trying to keep her calm, I slowly lowered my head until our foreheads met. I stayed there, fighting the revulsion of another person’s touch, while she relaxed.

Once she had, Brennan hung a hand from my wrist with the other one hesitantly matching my brush of her face. There, we stayed for a time, just breathing, and the world no longer mattered. The assassin no longer mattered. My best friend’s murder no longer mattered.

And I didn’t know why.

I didn’t know why when I touched Brennan, an unexplainable need to be closer to her drew me forward, but here, I sat, cradling her face, until I remembered what I’d meant to tell her.

“Thank you.”

My words broke the spell. I slid my hands off of Brennan’s skin, but for the longest moment, she kept hers in place. Again, without knowing why, I leaned into her palm, and with a nervous chuckle, Brennan snatched her hand to her chest.

“We should get some sleep,” she said in a squeaky voice “Race you upstairs?”

Hmm. With the contentment swimming through my veins and everything physically wrong with me, could I reach my feet without help right now?

“I think I’ll sleep here,” I said.

“Oh. Umm.”

With her hair flying around her face, Brennan scanned the room.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” she asked. “To- to watch your back, of course.”

Why… was she acting so strangely? Had I disturbed her that badly? I knew she didn’t like other people touching her. I’d caught the hints, but still, that’s what I’d done. How could I fix that mistake?

Maybe if I acted as I normally would, she’d do the same.

“You’re welcome to stay with me if you want,” I said, “but I don’t think danger’s likely to find me in Zhao’s home. Not anymore.”

“Still. It’d like to stay,” Brennan said. “To be safe.”

“Whatever you want.”

Settling into a more comfortable position, I stretched my arms to either side.

“Feel free to use me as a pillow, if you need it,” I said.

With a choked chuckle, Brennan started leaning against me, but by that point, I’d fallen asleep.

# Chapter Eighteen

*Again, two antagonistic voices boomed in my dreams, continuing their never-ending argument.*

*“This one? Again? Why are we revisiting HIM?”*

*“Why do you think, moron? He’s been busy today. By the whole, I’ve never come across a human who’s so enticing before, not here at least. He feels like-”*

*“My side. He smells of home.”*

*“What do you mean? He… oh. Yes. I hadn’t noticed that noxiousness behind the rest.”*

*“You’re such an asshole.”*

*“Don’t start. I’ve been starved for any taste of home in this awful place. Let me enjoy it.”*

*“Let you… I’m sorry. Have you gone mad? Don’t let our recent commiseration delude you into thinking we’re friends, bore.”*

*“Who are you calling a bore, mania-? No. No, I won’t argue with you. Not with freedom so close. I’m perfectly aware that you and I are adversaries and that once we escape, we’ll return to our incessant murder attempts, but for now, we’re… allies.”*

*“Excuse me while I find a corner to puke my guts up in.”*

*“You think I don’t feel the same way? Now focus, moron. We must have returned to this human, entering deeply enough to infiltrate his sleeping mind, for a reason.”*

*“Yes, why this flesh bag? And why twice in as many nights?”*

*“More importantly, why were we drawn to him when the beyond lies so heavily on his essence?”*

*“Huh. Its influence HAS grown. I’m assuming you have some inane theory to explain that.”*

*“Not at all. Rather, I have a suggestion. I propose that we use this human as a backup in case the girl fails, as her progenitor did.”*

*“…I’m sorry. Are YOU suggesting we break the rules we agreed upon? You, the by the books, stick in the mud?”*

*“No! I’m not saying we should take him as a host. Not when we have the girl. I’m saying we should prepare the next one in advance. Just in case. The rules say nothing about doing something like that.”*

*“I- I’m actually impressed. You found a loophole. You. I can’t believe it.”*

*“Yes, well. I’m desperate, as I’m sure you can understand. I badly need correction in the whole; I've warped so far from my nature.”*

*“I wonder if that was HIS purpose in-”*

*“We don’t speak of him.”*

*“Ruuuuuude! You’re right, though, and… is this human reacting to our presences?”*

*“Damn. We’ve stayed for too long. Hurry and break off a thread of yourself, and I’ll do the same. We’ll leave them in him, there to root in case he’s needed.”*

*“By the whole, you’ve become conniving. I almost like you!”*

*“Disgusting, isn’t it?”*

*“Quite.”*

*“If you’ve finished, idiot, we should go before we melt his brain.”*

*“After you.”*

*Again, silence reigned for a short time before one of the voices spoke up again.*

*“You’d better hope the girl succeeds, flesh bag, because otherwise… well, let’s just say I’ll pity you. Damn. What is WRONG with me?”*

A weight on my chest was keeping me pinned ot the ground while small hands held my wrists together.

“Wake up, K,” someone was saying. “Come on! Wake… K?”

“My head,” I groaned.

With my wrists freed and weight lifted off of me, I sat up, applying pressure to the throbbing under my skull. That bony shell felt like it would pop at any second with what it was holding ready to leak out of my ears. Earth and fire, it hurt!

“Are you ok? Do you need anything?”

Brennan. She’d slept here last night, yes? The weight that had been holding me down must have been her. Why had she done that?

“What happened?” I grunted.

That I’d spoken at all was a miracle. I couldn’t move, barely able to breathe or think. My body only allowed me the basics needed for continued survival.

“I don’t know,” Brennan said. “I woke up to you screaming bloody murder, flailing like you were fighting something, but Zhao came running before I could do anything to help. He told me to stay away from you while he made tea, but I couldn’t do it. You looked like you might hurt yourself.”

Tea. A more wonderful word had never before been spoken.

But wait.

Snapping my eyes open, I winced at the bright sunlight filling the room, but I persisted in peering out so I could examine Brennan’s body.

“Did I hurt you?” I asked.

I’d had enough experience with fighting a sleeping person’s unrepressed strength to know how badly it could damage someone, but thankfully, Brennan didn’t look hurt.

She also didn’t seem to have heard my question. Gasping, she rocked away from me—

“K! Your eyes!”

—before shooting forward to take hold of my head. She stared at me but didn’t seem to see me, only what she was brushing her thumb beneath.

Meanwhile, I fought to keep from knocking her hands off of me. The pounding in my head was making it difficult to comprehend… anything, really, but still, I thought I’d caught the gist of her behavior.

“What about the cursed things?” I asked.

She’d never minded my eyes before. Why panic about them now?

Swallowing hard, Brennan whispered, “They’re burning, K.”

I forgot about the agony in my head. My breathing hitched as what she’d said shot like lightning to the core of me, and screaming, hysterical denial rose in response.

“What are you talking about?” I said.

“Your irises… their beautifully brilliant scarlet is gone,” Brennan said. “In its place are rings of fire.”

Her hands were trembling on my face, but I couldn’t consider that right now. Taking hold of her wrists, I thrust them at her.

“That’s impossible,” I said.

I wouldn’t find any mirrors in this room, but metal existed in abundance here, and it had the only quality that mattered at the moment. Crawling to a wall, I yanked the cloth covering it aside, looking into a brushed, gray surface, and it reflected twin, flickering circles to me.

“No… this is *impossible,”* I whispered. “It- it *can’t* be.”

*Welcome to your new life,* someone chuckled in my mind.

And a hammer slammed down on my head. Repeatedly.

Collapsing against the wall, I curled on myself, screaming into my knees. Somewhere nearby, a voice most dear was calling to me with her tone rising in pitch, but I couldn’t be bothered to answer her. A far distant part of me prayed that she’d stay away, choosing not to risk the violence I might unleash on her.

Unfortunately, someone did decide to fulfill that fear, but whoever it was dragged my hands from on top of my head, filling them with warm porcelain.

“Drink, *ko.* Please.”

Hot tea splashed over the cup’s lip, scalding my legs, but I got most of that precious liquid into my mouth and over my tongue. The taste and smell of it reduced the grip of what was holding me captive until it became just a dull ache behind my eyes.

When I could, I set my cup aside with a shaking hand.

“That was…”

I had no words to describe it.

“What Nokoribi lived with every day of his life after he was chosen?” Zhao said.

When had he joined us in here?

Inching up the wall, I stood and wobbled toward him, jabbing my finger into his chest.

“You kept this from me,” I growled. ‘You pushed me out of the community center the other day because you were afraid the downtrodden might recognize the meaning of what they saw. *You said the voices weren’t important!”*

“Usually, They aren’t,” Zhao said. ‘Usually, a lucky few people hear from Them, but it’s only once in their lives. I’d hoped that would be the case for you, but it appears you’re the exception for this decade, *ko.* Or should I say most blessed?”

“No. I-”

“Excuse me. What the fuck is going on?” Brennan snapped. “K, why were you screaming like that? Should we take you to a hospital? Or whatever Hiyuki’s equivalent might be.”

Damn, she was a picture of anxiety. With her hair mussed from sleep and her eyes wild, she looked like an animal fit to bolt, but to where, I didn’t know. I badly wanted to come closer and take her hand like I had last night, but most of her jitteriness was centered on me.

Was she afraid of me now? Had my cursed eyes ruined something good in my life again?

When had she become a good thing for me?

“Kasai’s fine. He’s undergone what every person chosen by earth and fire experiences,” Zhao said. “You’re looking at Hiyuki’s next emperor.”

His words seemed to take something from him. While he slumped in defeat, Brennan tensed, rising onto the balls of her feet.

“The fire in his eyes,” she said. “That’s the proof you mentioned last night.”

“Indeed,” Zhao said. “This changes things, *ko.* We need to get you to the palace as soon as possible and do damage control. Who knows how the guilds might have undermined the throne in the time it’s been empty? I’ll serve as your bodyguard until another can be chosen…”

He kept rambling, making plans that didn’t matter, but I wasn’t listening. I’d finally caught Brennan’s gaze. She saw me, not the monstrosities circling my pupils, and I couldn’t bear the sadness in her. She’d realized what I had from the beginning.

If I was wrong… if I was what Zhao thought I was, then I couldn’t travel with her across her many worlds.

“-need to commune with the earth,” Zhao was saying. “I’d rather wait until you’ve adjusted, but the outer provinces have already reported the earth cracking with fire spewing forth.”

That caught my attention.

“What? How’s that possible?” I said. “It’s only been three days since…”

*Nokoribi’s death.*

“We’ve been without an emperor for *three days.* How is Hiyuki already collapsing?”

“When was the last time Nokoribi communed with the earth?” Zhao asked in answer.

When I took too long with responding, he shook his head.

“That’s what I thought. Too much time has passed since the last communion. You need to go through the Gateway-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said. “Something about this is wrong. I can’t be the next emperor.”

Zhao looked at me with something like pity.

“No one believes it can be them,” he said. “My emperor, Yukinaga, took months to accept his place. Nokoribi went through the same process more quickly, but it still took time-”

“No. You don’t understand,” I interrupted. “It *cannot* be me. Earth and fire can only bless one person at a time, right? Well, I’ve seen who they’ve chosen. I know who Hiyuki’s next leader will be.”

Cocking his head, Zhao grabbed my chin, frowning as he examined my eyes.

“Ok. Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Fire always burns in someone when They visit overnight. I’ve never heard of it happening to the same person more than once, but I suppose it’s possible. Plus, your fire’s more of a smolder than the blaze it should be, what with the emotions you’re surely feeling.”

He released me.

“So. Who is he? And why haven’t you said anything about him yet?”

I concentrated on leaving my arms hanging rather than crossing them as I might like. I hated disappointing Zhao, and what I was about to say would surely do that.

“Her, actually,” I said. “Our next empress is ‘ribi’s assassin.”

With one indrawn breath, Zhao stopped moving while his eyes went wide. How would he respond to the conundrum that I’d been battling for days? Would my *maiyaru* be as lost as I’d been?

I blinked, and the next thing I knew, Zhao had hold of my shirt while he drove me into a wall. My head bounced off of steel, and flashes in my vision accented the sharpness of my old mentor’s voice.

*“You’ve had us chasing the next leader of Hiyuki this whole time?”*

Shaking my much-abused head, I said, “I didn’t know how bad things had gotten across the empire. I thought I’d have time to get the answer I need from the assassin before deciding what to do with her. Because she may hold the proof that’s needed to become the empress, *maiyaru,* but that doesn’t change the fact that she brutally murdered her predecessor. Do you *really* think someone like her will make a good leader, whether earth and fire have favored her or not?”

Grinding his teeth, Zhao held me in place with my feet nearly dangling until Brennan laid a hand on his arm.

“I understand that you’re upset, but if you hurt him, I’ll kill you,” she said, “and I don’t want to do that.”

She’d *kill* him over me? That was… interesting.

Shaking my head to clear it, I provided the last bit of convincing that Zhao would need.

“You know I’m right, *maiyaru,”* I said. “Please. Trust me. I’m not so weak as to destroy our home, just to satisfy a need for revenge.”

I didn’t think I was, at least.

With a slow breath out, Zhao released me.

“I know that, *ko,* just as I know you’re aware of your other responsibilities. If this Himi girl doesn’t hold earth and fire’s favor as you claim, you’ll have to accept what you are,” he said. “It appears this morning’s task is more urgent than I thought. I’ll leave you to prepare for the day.”

He bowed, a sign of respect that unnerved me, and left the room in a rush, which left me and Brennan staring at one another.

Clearing my throat, I said, “Thank you for backing me up.”

I wasn’t sure how else to clear the tension in the room.

“Mm.”

With nothing more, Brennan collected her discarded belongings and ducked through the room’s barrier, probably heading for a washroom. After a moment, I followed her out, although I made for a different destination.

While getting washed and dressed, I avoided my reflection, but like a lodestone, it drew me to it before I could leave to join the others.

The same image I’d seen for my whole life stared at me from the mirror with one obvious exception. A swirl of livid fire undulated between my solid pupils and stark sclerae. Even dimmed as they were, their light painfully bounced off the glass, and leaning toward these impossibilities, I splayed my fingers over them.

“Please,” I breathed. “Don’t be what I think you are.”

Flicking a pair of spectacles open, I shoved them into place before finding my companions.

We set out across Takanai, although our planned journey wasn’t long. Kunao Road lay near Zhao’s house, an easy trip all told, but unfortunately, on arriving, we still had to find Himi’s home.

“Shall we go door to door?” I asked.

I’d meant the suggestion as a jest—my proposed plan would give our quarry plenty of time to see us coming, which was unadvised—but the tense atmosphere that had accompanied us until now couldn’t be cleared with a single joke. Zhao looked down his nose at me, and I couldn’t tell whether he did that because he was displeased with my proposed plan or with me.

While avoiding my gaze, Brennan looked distracted, like she was only half there, and I didn’t know what to make of that. I’d thought something significant had occurred between us last night, something that the small chance I’d have to rule an empire couldn’t affect, but perhaps I’d been wrong. Perhaps she didn’t think what had happened was as important as I did.

Most likely, that was the case. I hadn’t let someone come close to me or surmount my defenses in… well, ever. I doubted that she, with her foreign beliefs about strength and weakness, could say the same.

Someone pinched my arm.

“Most. Blessed.” Zhao hissed. “Let’s not get distracted, yes?”

Swatting his hand off of me, I said, “Don’t call me that.”

“Until we know otherwise, you’re my emperor, Kasai. Get used to the deference,” Zhao grumbled. “Even having said that, how do we determine our target’s location, idiot *ko?”*

“Scout the area. Watch for the target,” I said. “Follow her home.”

“Good. I’d begun to wonder if my lessons had fled from you brain, alongside the caution you once held so dear.”

“All right, *maiyaru.* I take your point,” I said. “Let’s not waste more time driving it in.”

“As the emperor most blessed says.”

Rolling my eyes, I hurried to one of the nearby emergency channels, running behind the homes on Kunao Road, with Zhao at my side and Brennan dazedly following. It would be better to start our search in a more remote location, one where fewer eyes might spot us and wonder what we were doing.

Mos to the fence-enclosed courtyards behind the houses here looked perfectly normal with corroded furniture and children’s toys filling them. Some had nothing in their confines, leaving their empty stone bared to the sky. One of them sported a self-contained atmosphere, an indulgence that had me shaking my head.

None, on either side of the road, looked out of the ordinary, and as we approached the end of the second channel, I resigned myself to a long wait, looking for a girl I could barely identify.

“All right. Let’s climb on top of one of these houses,” I said. “We’ll need a good view-”

*Here,* came a whisper, as if from a distance.

That distance did nothing to lessen the strength of the gong that reverberated in my head, a pain that turned my vision white. Biting my lip, I reached out for support with my palm landing on something pointy.

I didn’t care that the object was digging into my hand. I was just glad for the chance to stay on my feet.

When I could breathe again, blood had filled my mouth, and I spat it over the fence I was clinging to. It spattered across white pebbles, and panting, I scanned the courtyard in front of me.

An invisible line split it down the middle. On one side, the one I’d marred, perfectly ordered stones formed a rigid pattern with each rock’s size swelling until they stopped at a large boulder in the middle. One the other, rock and stone were haphazardly sprayed across the ground with most of them halfway through the process of dissolving.

Not. normal.

Someone helped me stand while I wiped my mouth.

“What was that?” Brennan asked, as if life had been returned to her. “Are you-?”

“I told you, *ko,”* Zhao said. “You’re-”

“She’s here,” I breathed.

What was this eagerness in my voice? This hungry ferocity, desire, *need?*

When I turned to my companions, they shrank away from me with orange light dancing over their faces, but I hardly noticed that.

“Give me two minutes alone with her,” I said. “Then, you can join us.”

I strode across the courtyard to a door with Zhao sputtering behind me, but as I moved forward, that noise parted to either side of my awareness. The people at my back had become irrelevant.

*No, they were most precious.*

What was waiting in this house called to me like the music of my soul might, and a trance-like state settled over my mind.

*And shouldn’t that worry me?*

The door smoothly swung open, as if it had been oiled in anticipation of my arrival, and I slipped inside, becoming a spirit from Katanti, drifting among the living.

For a place belonging to a girl whose writ of membership belonged to the brothel guild, this house seemed strangely well-kept and ostentatious. Someone as young and therefore, low-level as her shouldn’t be able to afford a miniature, self-contained atmosphere, let alone the larger one that was wrapped around this dwelling.

And then, there were the plants.

I’d expected to find some of those in the home of one blessed by earth and fire, but the amount I found here overwhelmed me. Nearly every surface—shelf, table, or otherwise—held a pot with trailing vines, tiny trees, or flowers. I walked through a veritable paradise, one that was so reminiscent of Nokoribi’s garden that it should have stolen my breath.

It didn’t, though. All of me was fixed on the entryway ahead. A voice was floating through it, one that I’d last heard on the worst night of my life.

“-can’t. No. No, no, no, no. You don’t understand! I can’t live with-”

A yelp tumbled through the metal arch, and I peered around it at a girl, maybe fourteen-years-old. About how old I’d been when I’d begun my life as a bodyguard.

Springing from out of the ball she’d been huddled in, she spun, flinging her curly hair with the force of it, and resumed pacing, something she’d been doing excessively, if the scuff marks on the floor beneath her were any indication. Tear tracks were scored through what little of her face I could see, and this first glimpse of her features sent a pang of recognition through me.

What...? Why did I find her so familiar?

Here strode the object of my near fugue-like quest: a troubled teenager. Despite her obvious distress, I slipped a knife and pistol from their places on my belt and twisted around the doorframe.

Keeping slow and quiet, I almost made it to the girl before she noticed me, but then, she screamed, stumbling away, and all thoughts of getting answers from her or saving the empire vanished. I raised my pistol, tightening my finger on the trigger.

*Sorry, K. You can’t hurt her.*

*A wall of vines separates me from my best friend, and as he turns away from me, I know he’s about to do something incredibly stupid. I have to stop-*

Force tore the pistol out of my grip, and blinking, I focused in time to catch the girl finishing the roundhouse kick that had disarmed me.

A flushed face with fiery eyes and a familiar nose—why on earth was it familiar?—snarled at me before a glint of steel warned me of danger, getting me to raise my knife. I parried her strike with such force that she tripped, and following the direction of my momentum, I swung a fist at her face.

*Save her, K.*

*The light in my friend’s eyes fades, and he claws at me, reaching for something I can’t see. He’s dying, and failure that I am, I can’t bring him comfort. What do I-?*

Something barreled into my cheek, sending my head flying to the side. She’d returned my punch, and from the looks of her, neither of the blows had phased her.

Reversing the grip on her blade, she swung at my neck, and I caught the strike on my knife’s cross guard before twisting. The unstable hold she’d chosen failed her, sending the weapon sailing across the room. I thrust for the space below her ribs—

*Save her, K.*

—and pulled the blow.

The girl skipped backward, putting a table between us. When I tried to reach her, she threw mugs and dishes at me, and nimble thing that she was, she kept the obstacle between us, despite my best efforts.

Growling, I vaulted over the table, kicking at her exposed side—

*Save her, K.*

—and my toe glanced across her skin rather than driving into muscle and bone, as I’d planned.

No matter. Off-balance as she was, tackling her to the ground was a simple matter.

I straddled her with my knife poised for the kill—

*PLEASE, K! Save her.*

“I don’t want to!” I shouted.

Even still, my knife tumbled out of limp fingers, and I fell to my elbows over the girl.

“You killed him!” I sobbed. “He was my world, and you killed him!”

Everything that had been pent up in me released, and I collapsed on the girl, nearly smothering her. Besides the moments after Nokoribi had died, I hadn’t given myself time to grieve, as it hadn’t been something I could afford. I’d bottled it up, buried it deep, but this girl had unearthed it and shattered its container.

For who knew how long, I let tears leak from my eyes while babbling all of the nonsense things I’d wanted to say.

That I was sorry. That Nokoribi’s death was my fault. Each of my carefully crafted justifications for the destructive revenge I’d unleashed.  
That I missed my friend.

After a moment, the girl reached around me to rub my back, and to my surprise, I found that I didn’t mind this. I wasn’t sure why she wasn’t continuing with the fight, but in this one instance, I wouldn’t question another person’s mercy.

With her help, I wound down until control had returned to me. I lifted myself onto my elbows again, meaning to apologize, and for the first time, our blazing gazes met.

*Like calls to like,* two voices murmured.

A spike was driven through my eyes to the back of my head, and wincing, I rolled off of the girl in time to hear her pained gasp. When I could, I sat up to find her staring at me.

“You hear Them too?” I demanded of her.

But of course she did. If the voices had caused the fire in our eyes, then she *had* to hear Them.

With her fingers shielding her face, the girl giggled.

“Oh. Then, I’m not crazy,” she said, “or if I am, you are too.”

Flipping to her hands and knees, she crawled toward me, getting close enough that I had to cross my eyes to keep her in focus, and while my skin prickled, she cocked her head.

“Am I right in assuming you no longer want me dead?” she asked.

Damn, she was so close that I was having trouble breathing. I leaned back on my hands, creating distance from her as subtly as I could.

“For the moment, I don’t,” I said.

“Excellent!”

Flouncing into a sitting position, the girl extended her hand.

“I’m Lin-”

“Himi, I know. Amari Kasai.”

Gritting my teeth, I took her hand, right as Zhao slunk into the room with Brennan behind him. Hissing, Himi skittered backward until she’d hit a wall, walking her hands up it to stand.

“Who are they, Kasai? Who are they?” she screeched.

Cringing, Brennan slapped her hands over her ears while Zhao crossed his arms, and for a moment, I considered going for my weapons again so I could once more try to…

“They’re friends,” I made myself say instead.

“Oh.”

Relaxing, Himi pushed off of the wall, trailing her fingers along it as she skirted the room’s perimeter.

“See?” she mumbled. “I told you everything would be fine.”

With a hum, she twirled in place, laughing when her balance nearly failed her. Oh, earth and fire… was she… sane?

With one arm hugging his chest, Zhao waved at the girl.

“This is your empress,” he said in deadpan.

“And the assassin,” I said. “She’s good, *maiyaru,* no matter how she may be acting now. She almost beat me. Given, I was distracted but-”

“That’s impressive nonetheless,” Zhao said.

Nodding, I stood while Himi stopped spinning, clasping her hands in front of her face.

“Maybe you can help me since the other two have been so useless,” she chirped. “Someone’s trying to kill me. I outran several assassins on my way home from…”

As she trailed off, a strange look crossed her face before it dropped into a smile again.

“Then, I beat another couple unconscious two days ago,” she continued, “and last night, a super strange one chased me away from work. I couldn’t see much of his face in the dark, but he was intense, and at some point during the chase, he put on a creepy mask-”

Brennan coughed, which had all eyes shooting to her. She shifted in place.

“K…”

Did she think explaining myself to this girl was a good idea? I wasn’t sure it would be.

When she jerked her head toward Himi, though, I sighed.

“That last one was me. Sorry,” I said. “I wanted to kill you then.”

Himi’s smile dropped while she got into a ready stance.

“And now?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Like I said, you’re safe for the moment, but that might change.”

Relaxing, Himi clasped her hands behind her back, twisting in place as she beamed at me.

“You’re honest, and you hear from Them. It’s interesting. I like it!” she said before frowning. “Don’t tell me what to like. It’s part of me, not you, idiots.”

“Right,” Brennan drawled. “So, what are we doing with her? You said you wanted answers, K.”

“And I still do, but it sounds like Himi has people coming for her head,” I said. “Before he pushed me into earth’s blood, Arita mentioned a plan to eliminate his group’s assassin. Maybe these people she’s encountered were following that group’s orders. If so, she can’t stay in a place where they’re likely to find her.”

“So, what are you suggesting, most blessed?” Zhao asked. “Shall we bring *Nokoribi’s murderer* to my home?”

At the acid in his voice, I winced. I knew what I would be asking of him, but when it came to this, I had to consider my own priorities.

Given that, what did I want? Should I get my answers here before leaving Himi to her fate or-?

*Save her, K.*

*Keep her safe,* two voices rumbled.

With a hissing gasp, I stumbled toward a wall before waving off the help I was offered.

With each instance, these voices’ repercussions were getting easier to handle. Perhaps my body was adapting, or maybe the intensity of the damage that was done to my brain depended on the strength of what the voices said.

What were these voices anyway? Maybe I could ask Himi about that, alongside my other questions.

In this case, though, They’d made a good point. I hadn’t decided what to do with this girl, whether that would be killing her or helping her attain her place as the empress, but whatever I decided, accomplishing it would be easier if we were somewhere safe.

“We’ll return to base,” I said, “and she’ll come with us.”

Slumping, Zhao said, “As you command, most blessed.”

Skipping forward, Himi took my hand, spreading revulsion over me with her touch, and I contained a shudder.

“Does that mean you’ll help me?” she said.

How could she ask that when I’d attacked her not ten minutes ago?

Pulling her hand off of me, I donned a blank grin, and without a word, Brennan stepped forward to replace Himi’s disquieting touch with her warmth. Bless her.

“We’ll help,” I said, “but let me be clear, Himi. We’re not your friends, and we may never be. In fact, you and I may be fighting to the death again before the day’s out. Do you understand?”

With a laugh, Himi rattled off, “They say you won’t kill me. That you can’t. But I hear what you’ve said regardless of Their beliefs.”

“Good,” I said.

Now for a hard question.

“Can you act at all like… a normal person?”

Oh, earth and fire. That had been poorly phrased.

With a hand hiding her mouth, Himi said, “Sure, I can be sneaky, like most people are. When you’re in the brothel guild, it’s a skill best learned early. Wouldn’t you agree?”

She winked, and Brennan’s hand tightened around mine as I turned to stone. Did she... know? *How?*

Spinning, Himi brushed past Zhao, heading toward the room’s exit.

“Let me get a few things, and we can leave,” she said. “No, we’re not bringing the knives. Well. Not *those* knives. *Yes.* I know I need to behave myself…”

Her voice continued rambling as she turned the corner, but even with her gone, I had yet to assume a human state once more with the same question rattling in my mind. Did she *know?*

No. That wasn’t possible. I was reading too much into what she’d said, something that had probably been innocuous in nature.

Knowing this didn’t make me any less uneasy.,

“Ko?” Zhao said. “Are you aware that your supposed empress is insane?”

As that broke me free of my paralysis, I pinched the bridge of my nose. Considering who each of my companions were in these strange circumstances, I’d be lucky if all of us survived the next few hours.

# Chapter Nineteen

When we reached Zhao’s home, the old man pulled me to the side while Brennan led Himi deeper into the house.

True to her word, that girl had been a ghost while we’d been on the street, completely unnoticeable, but as soon as the door had closed behind us, she’d ripped the spectacles off her face and resumed her incessant chatter. Most of it had been directed at Brennan, and she’d endured it while leading Himi along.

Zhao and I watched them go until they’d disappeared.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “She doesn’t seem… stable. What if she leaves here and tells someone important where you’re hiding?”

“We’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen, won’t we?” I said.

Clicking his tongue, Zhao said. “You’re not being rational. You say this girl is *the* assassin, but I have yet to see anything more than a hyperactive teenager in her. How can you know that the information you acquired last night is accurate? And her, favored by earth and fire? It’s more likely that They spoke to her last night. The fire in her eyes will fade by sunset.”

Leaning against a wall, I lightly banged my head on it.

“It’s her, *maiyaru.* I recognize her voice,” I said. “‘It’s not just them in my head,’ she whispered, and at her touch, vines sprouted in Nokoribi’s body. It’s her.”

Breathing hard, Zhao clenched and unclenched his hands for a time.

“Then, why is she alive?” he eventually asked with his voice gravel. “Why is she *in my house?”*

“Now who’s being irrational?” I said. “Can we get to why you actually wanted to speak with me now, please?”

Air rushed through Zhao’s nose, and after several calming breaths, his flushed color faded.

“Of course, most blessed,” he said. “It’s about what I saw last night. Two things, actually.”

Two? I’d thought for sure it would only be one.

“Yes?” I said.

“When I left the room last night, I saw you’d drawn your pistol,” Zhao said. “I hoped you’d tell me why you were staring at it with such fixation.”

So finally, we’d get to the question I’d been anticipating all day. I still didn’t know how to answer it.

I’d have to try anyway.

“Last night, I determined that weakness has infected me,” I said. “I planned to eliminate it like you taught me but-”

Zhao slapped me.

“You don’t. do. that,” he growled. “Hiyuki needs you, even if you’re weak, and if you’re right about Himi being our next empress, *we* need you. Brennan and me.”

Confusion briefly overrode my explanation for why I’d decided against removing myself from the picture.

“Won’t my weakness weaken the empire, though?” I asked. “That’s what you taught me, at least.”

*“I was wrong!* Earth and fire, I wanted you to come to terms with this on your own, but that won’t happen, will it?” Zhao shouted. “The system of strength and weakness that you and the royals follow has become outdated, *ko.* Why do you think so many downtrodden people have been plaguing Takanai’s streets in recent years? No one’s eliminating their ‘weakness’, and beyond that, after my years with experimenting for ‘ribi, I think Brennan might be right. I think our definitions of strength and weakness are flawed.”

Maybe my acceptance of my own weakness had opened my mind to new possibilities. Maybe I was just too tired to resist these ideas anymore.

Either way, I mulled over what Zhao had said. Was this what Nokoribi had meant when he’d asked me to find the truth?

“How do you propose we fix them, then?” I asked.

Zhao’s mouth dropped open while he loosened from the defensive stance he’d taken.

“Fix them?” he squeaked. “I- I don’t know.”

“Maybe that’s something Himi can address if she takes the throne,” I said. “Regardless, you don’t need to worry about me. I won’t take my life, *maiyaru.* I have too much left to do. So. What’s your second concern?”

With his mouth still gaping open, Zhao shook his head.

“How have you grown so much when I wasn’t paying attention?” he said under his breath. “You were stuck in your ways for so many years.”

I might have changed, but I still hadn’t addressed the one issue I needed to face if I was to truly grow: my childhood. I doubted I ever would.

How disappointed would Zhao be if he learned that truth?

*“Maiyaru,”* I said. “Second concern?”

“Yes. Of course, most blessed,” Zhao said.

He shook himself, perhaps needing it to regain his focus, before warily eyeing me.

“It’s about Brennan.”

Tensing, I said, “What about her?”

Flicking his eyes away from me, Zhao shifted to his back foot, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he was embarrassed.

“When I was getting a glass of water last night, I passed by the place where you were sleeping. I noticed that she’d fallen asleep on your chest,” he said. “What was that about?”

That was an… interesting thing for him to be worried about.

Shrugging, I said, “She offered her support for if things turned hostile while I was sleeping. I accepted and gave her leave to lay on me if it made her more comfortable.”

Crinkling his brow, Zhao frowned.

“But *ko,* you…”

After he'd hummed for a moment, his face cleared.

“When looking at Brennan, do you like what you see?” he asked.

…Why was he asking about that?

Narrowing my eyes, I drew forth a memory of her for reference.

“Her appearance is nice, yes. For instance, the colors of her eyes and hair are fascinating. They’re so different from anything found here,” I said. “And her proportions are pleasing to the eye, I suppose. I like knowing she can defend herself, considering how well-developed her musculature is. Is that what you mean?”

Groaning, Zhao hid his face.

“I don’t know what to make of you,” he said with his voice muffled. “At the best of times, you’re perplexing but when it comes to this…”

Lowering his hands, he squared his shoulders.

“One more try before I outright ask,” he said. “Kasai, why is it that when you’re near Brennan, you relax? Why do you seem to melt?”

Oh. That was an easy question to answer.

“When I’m around Bren, I feel safe. All the horrors of my life drop away from me, and I’m… home,” I said. “She touches me, and sparks dance over my body with warmth following every brush of her fingers. It makes me want to hold her closer. One time, I even wanted to kiss her, but that didn’t end well for either of us.

"So, no. I just want to be near her, to touch and be touched by her as much as she likes. I know it’s ridiculous because I’ve only known her for a few days, but I feel closer to her than I have with anyone else in my life, even ‘ribi. I loved him, yes. This is different, though. I don’t know what it is, but I like it.

“Maybe… *maiyaru!* Do you know what it is?”

If anyone could answer this question, the one that had been eating at me for a while, he could.

Sighing, Zhao tucked his chin to his chest.

“Yes, *ko.* I know what it is,” he said. “You’re falling in love with her. Romantic love, not the brotherly type that you shared with ‘ribi, and…”

With a pained groan, he lifted saddened eyes to me.

“If you’re most blessed, like I believe,” he said, as if each word had been pulled from him like a rotten tooth, “you can’t have it.”

Falling in love?

“No… that can’t be right,” I said. “I’ve had to engage in enough sex to last a lifetime-”

“Love doesn’t have to include sex, *ko,*” Zhao said. “Sometimes, it’s just wanting to be near someone. Isn’t that what you feel when you're with Brennan?”

“Yes but-”

Love? Me?

*Really?*

No. It had to be something else.

“Look. All I’m saying is that you should guard your heart,” Zhao said. “When he was the emperor, Nokoribi struggled with that part of his life. I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you.”

I’d barely heard him, too busy grappling with the idea he’d presented.

I’d never found someone romantically interesting before. Granted, I'd never had an opportunity to pursue my own desires, not with how my life had been. Certainly not like I had over the last few days. If I had the capacity for love, though, shouldn’t something have triggered it before now?

Striding down the hall toward us, Brennan called, “What are you two doing? You can’t expect me to watch that girl all by myself.”

And there it was again. That same sense of comfort.

“You left Himi alone?” Zhao snapped.

With her hand to her mouth, Brennan said. “Oops. Guess you’d better secure her. K and I will be right behind you.”

Zhao looked to me for help, but I just grinned at him.

“Good chat, *maiyaru.”*

“You’ll be just as difficult as Nokoribi was, won’t you?” Zhao sighed.

Turning on his heel, he marched down the hall, but when I started following him, Brennan grabbed my arm.

“I caught the tail end of that conversation,” she said after he'd turned the corner. “I wanted to say… I feel the same way. I also don’t understand people’s fascination with good looks and the like. More than that, though, being around you feels right in a way I’ve never experienced before.

“But I’m not one for extended… physical interaction. I don’t have a past like yours to explain my aversion. It’s just a part of who I am, and it might make a relationship with me difficult. Take that as you will.”

Blinking, I wondered why my mouth had gone dry or why I had to cough if I wanted to speak. What exactly was I supposed to say, though? What did I *want* to say?

“Can I hold you?” I asked. “Only for a moment.”

Looking away, Brennan held her arms open, and with a pounding heart, I folded myself around her. I rested my chin on her head, and for a moment, everything that was broken in me clicked into its proper place. I was whole with the pain and guilt that was constantly jabbing me soothed.

When Brennan started squirming, though, I released her, folding my hands behind my back.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re welcome,” Brennan mumbled, tucking a strand of hair behind an ear. “Don’t be surprised if I ask the same thing of you sometime.”

“That’s only to be expected.”

As I examined Brennan’s bright-red face, I didn’t know if what was growing between us was love, but I did recognize the warning that my mentor had been trying to impart.

“If Zhao’s right and I am to be Hiyuki’s next emperor, we can’t continue exploring… whatever this is,” I said. “You can’t be anywhere near me.”

With a cheeky grin, Brennan said, “Then, let’s prove him wrong.”

She started toward the room where she’d left Himi, and it took me a moment to remember that I should follow her. Damn, but that woman was wonderful.

*She’s dangerous. One of HIS,* a voice whispered.

With my hand thumping into metal, I shook my head, trying to banish the feeling that my brain had just been mushed. Earth and fire, the voices’ manifestations were increasing in frequency.

What would I do if one or both of them started talking to me throughout the day? Was this what Nokoribi’s life had been like?

“K?”

Standing beside a nearby doorway, Brennan eyed me like a piece of cracked glass, one that was about to shatter.

“I’m fine,” I said.

I shuffled to Brennan’s side while she scowled at me.

“I’m worried about you,” she said. “I don’t like being in the dark about the future, like this.”

“I don’t like it either,” I said with a sigh. “So, let’s get some answers.”

In the room she'd been relegated, Himi had already made herself at home. The plants that she’d lugged from her home were sprinkled around the place's bare floor with a bedroll already shoved against one wall. She was darting between the pots, murmuring to the flowers and leaves, and leaning on the back of a chair, Zhao watched her with a carefully blank expression.

“Himi, we should talk now,” I said. “Sit down.”

Shooting up from her crouch, Himi bounced her gaze between us and the chair that Zhao had shoved toward her, and she smiled.

“Certainly.”

Skipping to the chair, she sank into it before crossing her legs. With her elbows resting on her knee, she cupped her chin.

“What are we talking about?” she asked.

Earth and fire, this would be more difficult than I’d expected, and I hadn’t thought it would be easy. Already, my temper was straining against the leash I’d flung around it, and I clasped my trembling hands in front of me, scrambling for a starting point.

What question did I most need to have answered?

“I want to know why,” I said. “Why did you kill the emperor? Why did you come to Nokoribi’s chamber that night?”

Himi, whose face had started falling at the start of my questions, brightened with the last one.

“Nokoribi? You know *gidae?”* she asked.

At my back, Brennan murmured, “Hope? Why would she call your friend that?”

That was a good question. Why-?

“He let me pick it!” Himi said. “The other two wanted me to call him something else, like ‘failure’ or other bad names, but he’s always seemed so happy to me. Almost jovial. I overrode the useless ones.”

I shook my head at her nonsense.

“I don’t know why she has a nickname for ‘ribi, Bren, but she’s using an ancient word for hope, part of a language that’s reserved for titles and terms of endearment. I’m surprised you knew that word’s meaning,” I said. “Hope fits ‘ribi well, though. He was always exceedingly optimistic.”

“You do know him!” Himi chirped. “But wait. That must make you *the* Kasai. When he visits me, *gidae* talks about you so much that I feel like I already know you.”

“…‘ribi spoke about me with you,” I said as numbness spread through me. "That would mean you’ve met with him.”

When could that have happened?

“Sure! He visits me at work. Sometimes, he even brings me gifts,” Himi said. “The plants are from him. I never knew how he got them. Not until…”

Her liveliness, infusing her form to this point, hiccupped, briefly letting something else through, but a quick headshake returned all of her cheer. As she pointed at the leaves and branches around the room, proudly showing them off, an unsung wail started ringing in my ears.

When visiting Morihei’s establishment, Nokoribi hadn’t been going to find the threat to his life but to meet with her. Why? What had made Himi so special and-?

“If ‘ribi showed you such kindness, why did you… do what you did?” I asked.

Could she hear the pent-up violence in me, something that I was almost ready to unleash?

Apparently not. Frowning, Himi drummed her fingers on her chin.

“What do you mean?” she asked before making a face. “If you know what he’s talking about, just say so, idiots. I don’t like listening to your laughing implications.”

Something similar to what had driven my hasty actions last night took hold of me, and I grabbed Himi’s shoulders.

“You. *killed.* him,” I roared in her face. “‘ribi’s dead because of you!”

With her eyes wide and her breath coming short, Himi licked her lips.

“I- I don’t know what you mean,” she said. “Are you saying *gidae’s* dead? That’s not possible. He promised he’d go with me when-”

Her face went blank again, but when life returned to her this time, she sprang upright in her chair with her body shaking.

“No. I’m not… I don’t care what you two assholes say,” she snapped. “No! *I’m not a killer.”*

So, she was denying what she’d done, and I might believe I’d made a mistake with her if I didn’t recognize the burn in her eyes. If I didn’t know her voice.

*It’s not just THEM in my head.*

Slapping a hand to Himi’s chest, I shoved into her until she winced.

“You don’t remember this?” I hissed. “You don’t remember a seed sprouting in your *gidae’s* body while his muscles and guts became a warren for greenery? You don’t remember him struggling to breathe so he could call you precious? So he could tell you he loved-?”

“He said, ‘Their freedom is the only way to free us’,” Himi said in monotone.

As if in recitation.

Then, her mouth opened wide with a whimpered screech coming forth, and such horror shone from her eyes that it forced me back a step. When her lungs had been emptied, she collapsed on herself, tangling her fingers in her black curls.

“What did I do? Oh no, no, no. Tell me this is a nightmare. *Please,”* she sobbed. “I called to Them, the Growth, the life in him. Why? Why would I do that? I loved him. I-”

With her head shooting up, she slid her weeping eyes over those watching her.

“I’m a killer,” she whispered.

Behind me, Brennan gasped, muttering something about ‘Alouin’s seven’, but I was much too focused on the girl to concern myself with her. I’d looked like Himi before, the first time I’d stopped an assassin. It was probably how I’d looked after murdering Arita too. I’d forgotten how much the sight of it could wrench the heart.

Absently, I stopped Zhao from drawing a knife before crouching in front of Himi. Pulling her hands off of her head, I ran my thumbs over the back of them.

“Tell me why,” I said.

Himi focused her wandering eyes on me.

“I… don’t know,” she said. *“Gidae* told me to find him in the palace if someone ever threatened my life. He told me where I could find a bolt hole to reach a room he sometimes slept in. On the day he.... I met with a stranger. I don’t remember much of what happened during that meeting, only that once I was alone again, I knew death was stalking me. I did what *gidae* had told me, but when I entered the palace-”

She shook her head, wrenching a hand free of mine to bang the heel of her palm on her forehead.

“The voices,” I said. “Was that the first time you heard Them?”

“No. I’d had dreams before but never…”

Pulling her second hand free from my grip, Himi plunged her fists between her legs.

“They told me to take a different path from the one that *gidae* had shown me before, and denying Them hurt so much. I did as They told me,” she said. “As I was moving along, I didn’t feel like I was controlling my body. It was so strange, but the voices… They fell quiet when I entered *gidae’s* room. Even after that, though, I still felt like a puppet, guided by someone else’s hand. I fought it, managed to shout a warning as I crept to his bed. *Gidae* woke up, and… you know the rest.”

Swallowing, Himi turned away from me, and hanging my wrists from my knees, I considered her. Her distress seemed genuine, to the point that I almost believed this ridiculous story, but before I could let myself trust her, I needed one thing clarified.

“The person you met with,” I said. “Do you remember anything about them? Anything at all.”

“Oh, come on, *ko,”* Zhao said. “You can’t honestly believe this ‘someone made me do it’ story.”

I lifted a finger to him, but the damage had already been done. With tears brimming in her eyes, Himi buried her face in her hands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want *gidae* dead,” she sobbed, “and- and I should have remembered hurting him before, right? Why didn’t I-? Did you two idiots do something-?”

“Himi. Focus. It’s ok. Killing him traumatized you so badly that you temporarily made yourself forget it,” I said. “I’ve seen things like that happen before.”

Nodding, Himi said, “That must be it. Because I can’t live like this, knowing I so horribly murdered the only person who loved me. He called me precious, you know. The most precious person in his grand empire. I didn’t- didn’t realize what that meant until I woke up the next morning and heard that the emperor had been assassinated. Earth and fire, I not only ripped out my heart by killing *gidae,* but I destroyed Hiyuki too.”

Swaying, she almost toppled out of the chair, but Brennan rushed forward to catch the girl, holding her close. When her eyes flicked above my head, I spun in place, rising as I did, and caught Zhao’s wrist before he could complete his throw. Plucking a knife out of his hand, I shoved him backward.

“I know this is hard,” I hissed. “Part of me is screaming to take her head too, but if you mean to become a bodyguard again, even if temporarily, you need to relearn how to ignore your desires. You have to act solely on orders.”

Zhao’s eye twitched while he worked his jaw, but after a moment, he inclined his head.

“And what are your orders, most blessed?”

Slapping the knife to Zhao’s chest, I said, “Wait outside."

Once he’d ducked through the room’s barrier, I returned my focus to the women in the room. At my nod, Brennan pulled Himi out of a hug, and I lifted her snot-covered face with a finger.

“You have *not* destroyed Hiyuki,” I said, “and with your help, we might learn who’s responsible for ‘ribi’s death, but I need you to think. This person whose meeting with you started our troubles. Who were they?”

Sniffling, Himi furrowed her brow, but quickly enough, tears started dribbling from her eyes again.

“I don’t remember. I’m sorry. So, so, so, so sorry. It’s a blank. A big, fat blank,” she said. “What’s wrong with me-?”

*Oh, for our sake. Ask us for help, humans,* two voices sighed.

As if a crowbar had been slammed into the back of my head, I dropped to the floor with its steel cracking against my bones. Himi slumped against Brennan as my vision warped, merging them into one woman, and with a moan, I dove my head between my knees, willing nausea and pain to go away.

I thought these had been improving.

“Oh, what a bad one,” Himi groaned. “I need to make some tea, but those assholes have turned my legs useless. I swear. If They were real, I’d kick Them in the-”

“I could use some tea too,” I said. “Bren, would you mind?”

After a heavy pause, she said. “Will you be ok?”

“Fine, fine,” I said while flapping a hand at her.

I heard her straighten Himi in the chair, and her fingers brushed through my hair as she left. Soon after, I took a deep breath. I peeked over my knees, pleased to see that the world had started straightening out again.

No matter how horrible that last episode had been, it had at least shown me the next subject I needed to tackle in this questioning.

“So, obviously They want us to use Them to solve this mystery,” I said, “but first… what are They?”

Jerking her head from where it had been hanging, Himi winced before asking.

“You don’’ know? *Gidae* told me. From the stories he shared about you, you two seemed close. I thought he’d told you too.”

Breaking off, she made another face.

“Oh, hush,” she said. “He wasn’t a weakling.”

Did the voices speak to her more then than They did with me? Was that why she sometimes seemed like she was talking to nothing? It would explain a bit of her madness.

“I’ve learned that ‘ribi kept many things from me,” I said, “but I’ve known about this omission for a while. He always said he couldn’t share Their identities with me, even though I knew They existed.”

*A lie,* a voice whispered, *but if our last host had told you about us, we might have found you sooner and used you as a host instead of this insipid girl.*

Rubbing my temples, I said, “He was protecting me. Typical. ‘ribi always did love trying to take over that part of my job.”

With a sigh, I shook my head.

“Well. They know about me now,” I said. “So, tell me about Them, Himi.”

Shrugging she said, “They’ve never told me Their names, so I call Them assholes number one or two-”

*You never asked for our names,* foolish child! a voice snapped. *If you had, you’d have learned that you’re speaking with Growth—*

*—and Decay.*

“Can you please shut up?” Himi groaned. “At least until our tea gets here?”

Chuckling, I rubbed my eyes.

“I don’t think acting defiant with something like Them is wise,” I said, “although They seem to have honored your request this time.”

“Yes. Occasionally, They remember the frailties of us mortals,” Himi said. “Oh, this headache-”

“I know,” I said, switching back to rubbing my temples. “Tell me more about Them. Maybe we can distract ourselves with that while we wait.”

“That’s a good idea! I don’t know much more about Them than what I’ve already said, though,” Himi said. “I know They provide the power for what we can do. The fun part of this horrid situation.”

With an impish grin and a flick of her wrist, the branch of a plant on the room’s periphery shot toward her, but when it touched her, it crumbled into powder.

“I can’t do that, or at least, I don’t think I can,” I said. “I haven't tried it. How does it work?”

Slumping in her chair, Himi raised her hands to either side of her at shoulder level before making a silly face.

“It’s instinctual. Living matter just responds to what I want,” she said. “It’s great! For once, I can do something without having to practice it. Makes up for all the icky bits sometimes.”

Sticking her tongue out, she crossed her eyes, and a faint smile crawled across my face.

Hmm. From what she’d said, these powers probably weren’t something I could use, but that made sense. If Growth and Decay were preparing me to be a host rather than making me one, as my recent dreams would imply, I wouldn’t have access to everything They gave Their hosts yet. Hopefully, I never would.

“You said living matter, yes?” I asked. “Including humans?”

Himi’s shoulder rose while her voice went terse.

“Don’t know. Never tried.”

She lifted her eyes over my head, and I knew that topic was closed.

*“Gidae* only shared one other item of note with me. Apparently, whatever these voices are, They’re needed for an emperor’s communion with the earth, but he wouldn’t tell me how he knew that or what it meant,” Himi said. “I don’t think he even planned to tell me about that fact at first. When he shared the information, it seemed like it had been dragged out of him, and I always wondered how he knew one of the imperials’ secrets. It makes sense now, though… Wait. All this time, the *emperor* was visiting me?! What the fuck? I wonder whyyyyy-”

Breaking off, she panted for a moment before clearing her throat.

*“Damn,”* she said. “I wasn’t asking *you two.”*

The voices must have spoken to her again, poor girl.

Hang on. Why had I just thought about her with any form of sympathy?

“Do you know anything else about communing with the earth?” I asked.

I never could get Nokoribi to explain why he returned so drained from those trips through the Gateway.

“No clue,” Himi said. “It’s supposed to be one of those imperial secrets I mentioned, something only shared between the emperors and their bodyguards. Shouldn’t you know that?”

If she was telling the truth, we’d better hope Zhao knew more about the process than he’d implied. Otherwise, we’d have to send Himi in blind for her first time communing with the earth.

… Did that mean I’d decided not to kill her? While sitting in this girl’s presence, rage was still simmering in me but... but…

I didn’t blame her for what had happened. Why was that?

“Tea, as requested,” Brennan said from behind me.

Soaring into the room, she handed Himi and me cups before setting a tray with its kettle between us.

“What did I miss?” she asked.

“Nothing of importance,” I said. “We just chatted.”

As I sipped from my cup of liquid nectar, I placidly met Brennan’s disbelieving gaze. For some reason, I didn’t want her to know about the voices. Maybe I was trying to keep her from worrying.

Withholding this information from her was pure selfishness on my part, I knew. Brennan could handle anything I threw at her, but if the voices were as temporary for me as I hoped They’d be, what harm was there in keeping details about Them to myself?

Once I’d finished my tea, I scooted forward to refill my cup.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” I said.

“Are you asking if *I’m* ready to learn who manipulated me into murdering *gidae?”* Himi snarled. “Ha! Let’s do this.”

Damn. I might have run across someone who was just as vengeful as me.

After she’d left her cup on the ground, I leaned back on my hands, preparing for the inevitable aftermath of the voices’ words.

“Well?” I asked.

And as prompted, a voice said, *We’ll keep this short. Several more people are involved in your conspiracy, but only one of them matters when it comes to dismantling it. The rest can’t function without her. They’ll just fall back into the squabbling that’s so typical for you flesh bags.*

“And? Who is she?” I said through gritted teeth. “A high-level guild member? A downtrodden who’s gained the chairs’ trust?”

Without hesitation, the voice said, *A chairwoman with black eyes.*

At that utterance, my brain might have exploded with fireworks. A grunt might have escaped from my lips. If those things happened, I didn’t notice.

“Sunada?” I growled. “I vetted her, though! Investigated every detail of her life! She had nothing to hide.”

*Maybe so. She, however, has access to things that you never will. While burrowing beneath the earth like the insect she is, she found something from before the birth of your infant empire. It can-*

Abruptly, another voice interjected, *What are you doing? We’re not supposed to interfere in human affairs like this!*

*I didn’t see you stopping me earlier!*

“SHUT UP!”

My teeth were screeching as I ground them together, and as heat filled my lungs, burned my throat, scorched my mouth, Brennan—wonderful woman that she was—gave me more tea.

Sunada had always been a supporter of the monarchy. If she’d had a problem with Nokoribi’s policies, she should have known that he’d have listened to her concerns, helping her until both sides of their potential conflict had reached a peaceful resolution.

But she’d chosen the solution of assassination instead. She’d influenced a young girl into murdering a loved one. She’d chosen to risk Hiyuki’s destruction.

“Zhao, we have a target,” I called.

“I heard,” he said from outside. “Shall Brennan and I set out for initial reconnaissance?”

“Please,” I said, hissing the word between my teeth.

How I wished I could join them, but I’d risked enough with this morning’s outing. Tales of my survival must have spread to those in authority by now. They’d be looking for me.

So, I set my wrath aside, there to be retrieved when I needed it. I slumped into the pillows, trying my best to recover from the voices' influence.

Before leaving, Brennan crouched in front of me, and I somehow summoned the energy to meet her gaze.

“I’m trusting you with Himi’s life,” she said. “After what we’ve learned, I don’t think you’ll hurt her, but I’ll emphasize this anyway. Please, don’t kill her. I believe she’s necessary if reality is to have a chance at surviving Alouin’s coming calamity.”

*Reality* surviving? What was she talking about?

Even confused as I was, I said, “I’ll behave.”

Nodding, Brennan took her leave, and soon, a closing door indicated my solitude with the girl who’d killed my best friend. She’d returned to the grief-stricken child from before. With her feet drawn up on the chair, she'd buried her face in her knees. How simple would it be to put a bullet in her head right now?

Sighing, I got to my feet, collecting a tray and our cups. In the kitchen, I’d almost finished washing dishes when Himi padded to a stop beside me.

I’d noticed her entering the room and seen her watching me, so once I’d finished scrubbing the kettle clean, I handed it and a towel to her. She stared at both items for a moment before starting with her new task.

“Why haven’t you killed me yet? It’s your right,” she said before glancing to the side. “It is. You two can’t stop him from doing what he wants.”

I didn’t know how to answer her, mostly because I didn’t have a good reason to give. Was my failure to enact justice another symptom of my weakness? Did I need her to become the empress so I wouldn’t have to take the throne?

I opened my mouth to give her one of those reasons, but something else entirely tumbled forth.

“I know what it’s like to be used.”

Where had that come from? When had I been used before, apart from when I was a boy…?

Oh.

Whimpering, Himi threw her arms around my waist, but her touch didn’t prompt disgust in me, and my skin didn’t start crawling. With my hands still dripping water, I lowered one onto Himi’s head, tugging her closer with the other.

Dishwater merged with her tears, soaking my clothes, but I didn’t mind. It masked that I was weeping with her.

# Chapter Twenty

Because of the increased police presence I’d spawned across Takanai, making and preparing a plan to confront Sunada took several days. In that time, I got to know Himi better, more than I’d have liked to in fact. Many were the times that I regretted sparing her life, the fights to keep her in Zhao’s house, and the moments of irritation at her oddities.

Many also were the moments when I could see why Nokoribi had spent so much time with her. In many ways, she resembled him.

She bounced back from negative experiences as quickly as he had, usually brushing off other people’s insults as if they were nothing. Just like Nokoribi. How often had she laughed at Zhao’s thinly veiled threats on her life?

She’d become a bright, spunky candle to light the boredom of our house arrest.

Because I’d decided to do as I’d been asked for once. Despite knowing that I could sneak across Takanai and back with none the wiser, I’d stayed in the house. I’d trusted Zhao and Brennan with finishing this part of my quest for revenge.

It was a strange feeling for me: trusting others. In many ways, it drove me up a wall, having me rake my fingernails into my skin from the worry it spawned.

In others, it had given me freedom. The fear of betrayal and watching for an attack at any moment had dropped from me, and without them, I’d been acting like a different person.

My companions had noticed this. Himi had made a passing comment on my lessened intensity. Zhao found the change… worrisome. Brennan loved it.

I’d spent as much time with her as I could recently. For most of the day, she was in Takanai, but at night, we stayed awake far later than we should, talking, before falling asleep in the comfort of each other’s warmth.

On the second occurrence of this, Zhao had pulled me aside to again remind me of his warning, but I’d told him that I knew exactly what I was doing. If Himi became the empress, as I hoped, then what harm could come from me spending time with Brennan?

If I was meant to take the throne, though, then I’d enjoy every minute with her that I could get, knowing that it would have to end.

That decision, however, hadn’t been made yet, not even now, when no one could deny that Himi had earth and fire’s favor.

With our preparations finally completed, pulling on my disguise today came easier to me than sliding into the skin I’d temporarily discarded, but soon enough, I found my old mindset, the one where strength had been my highest ideal.

Climbing into it left me dazed. So much had changed since Alouin had reversed my timeline, but the biggest was that: my belief in strength.

Nokoribi had been right. Something about how Hiyuki defined the concept rang false, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. So close to the truth that my friend had wanted me to find, I kept beating my head against the wall of this question, but the answer refused to be shaken loose. It made me want to climb the roof of Zhao’s home and scream the question out over Takanai.

For now, it had me slamming my knives into hidden sheathes.

“Hey,” Brennan said beside me, “this will work. We’ll be fine.”

Glancing at her, I forced a smile onto my lips.

“I don’t doubt that,” I said.

Snorting, Brennan said, “Convincing. Look, the only part of this plan that I’m concerned about is Himi. Are you sure we should bring her?”

“We’ve discussed this,” I said. “She deserves the chance to confront the woman who used her.”

It was an opportunity I was envious of, but honestly? If given that chance, would I want to take it? I wasn’t sure.

“I know. I’m just-”

“Worried?” I said. “Join the club, Bren. Like you said, though, we’ll be fine.”

With his voice muffled from its climb up the stairs, Zhao said, “Are you two ready?”

“Almost!” Brennan shouted back.

“We should get down there before he murders Himi,” I said.

“Or she drives him insane with her prattling?”

“Exactly.”

We fell into a snickering fit with the last items meant for our pockets falling out of our hands, and when control reasserted itself, Brennan bit her lip. Before I could ask what was wrong, she’d stepped closer, rising onto her tiptoes. She slid her arms around my neck, resting her head where her lips could brush my ear.

“I’m glad I stayed,” she whispered. “I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you. You’re so much more than you first seem, Amari Kasai. I think I could learn to love you.”

Her lips drifted from my ear to my cheek, impressing the pattern of their creases into my skin, and rocking away from me, Brennan tucked her hair behind her ears, blushing.

How I hoped I could keep her. How easy it was now to see that Zhao had been right.

Folding my arms behind my back, I leaned forward, stopping just before our noses could touch. When her startled, brown eyes met mine, a grin sparked an ache across my cheeks.

“I love you too, Brennan Adams.”

She choked on a cough, and I danced out of reach of her flying hand.

“We really should join the others,’ I said. “Unless you have something more to say?”

“Bastard,” she growled.

Snatching what she’d dropped off of the bed, Brennan stormed out of the room, and as the door swung closed behind her, I sighed. All my efforts made in reverting to who I’d been before and she’d destroyed them with a few words.

At least I’d had my revenge on her.

When I joined them, Brennan was checking Himi’s disguise while the younger girl shuffled in place, grumbling under her breath. Zhao looked on with something that might have been amusement, which I found surprising. He’d been nothing but grumpy since we’d brought Himi here.

“She’s fine, Bren,” I said. “Haven’t you noticed how many disguises she’s worn on her escape attempts over the last few days?”

“And *finally,* I’ll get to leave,” Himi snapped. “Maybe They’ll be quiet now.”

I’d like that as well. Together, Himi and I had gone through enough tea over the last few days to supply a family for a week. When would I have the tolerance to go without that soothing substance, as Nokoribi once had?

And speaking of tea, where had Zhao gotten so much of it? Why did he have enough ration tokens to feed the undocumented people living under his roof? Had he simply been prepared, as he’d mentioned when Brennan and I had first arrived here? Or did he still have connections in the royal intelligence network, people who might have been providing him with what he’d given to us?

Who knew? Right now, I couldn’t consider those questions. I had an uncomfortable teenager staring at me with her eyes pleading for help.

With an offered hand, I gave Himi a reason to duck out from under Brennan’s inspection. She scurried to me, clinging to my arm, and I regarded the people around me.

A retired head of an intelligence network. A woman from another world. An assassin who would be an empress. And me, a failed bodyguard who should be dead.

What a strange group to save Hiyuki.

Because that was what this was now. While we’d been preparing, more disturbances of the earth had rocked the empire. Hiyuki needed someone to commune with the earth, if we wanted to keep it from cracking open beneath our feet, and this conspiracy that had murdered an emperor stood in the way of his successor taking the throne. It prevented her from doing an empress’s job, which meant it needed to go.

So, we four oddballs in an already strange world would remove it. Or try to.

“Earth and fire, we’re going to die,” I said under my breath before raising my voice. “What are we waiting for? A bunch of fancy words? Get out the door, people.”

After donning spectacles and bubbles, we strode into Hiyuki’s toxic atmosphere.

As soon as the first raindrop spattered onto the hood of my oil-slicked coat, I drew it tighter around me, hurrying after Zhao. Foul weather had rolled in two days ago, a non-stop downpour of acid rain that had anyone who could afford to do it cloistered in their homes. People who had business elsewhere mostly relied on carriages or newfangled motorcars to traverse the city, but a few brave souls, like us, walked in it.

And of course, the downtrodden huddled in any form of shelter they could find, anywhere Takanai’s police force would let them gather. Usually, not many places like this were available during a storm, hence the burn marks that were usually found on them.

Watching a pair of downtrodden crowd into a home’s stoop with each of them doing their best to make room for the other, I wondered if what I was seeing might exemplify strength. Sure, acid rain left no lasting harm on the world—merely burn marks and minor destruction of food sources—but it *hurt,* a stinging sensation that drew a hiss from me whenever raindrops bypassed my coat.

Yet, every time a storm visited Takanai, the downtrodden worked together to shield as many of their people from it as they could. How many black-eyed parents let acid rain soak them to the bone if it meant their children got to stay dry?

“If this keeps up for much longer, I’ll have to rebuild my garden,” Zhao muttered.

He cast a quick, baleful glare at the sky before ducking his head once more.

“You might already have to do that,” I said. “Himi and I may have covered your plants’ shells when the rain started, but you know how quickly their sensitive roots can soak up this toxicity.”

“Don’t remind me,” Zhao said with a groan. “The agriculture guild must be panicking, what with this and the recent death of their most prominent chairman.”

Arita. With my chin to my chest, I focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

I still didn’t know what to think about what I’d done to that man. At the time, my revenge had seemed justified, sweet even, but in the days since, I’d found my thoughts returning to the moment of his death, wondering why a layer of metaphorical grime settled over me with each instance of it.

Wondering whether I should have done something differently.

That man had deserved punishment. I would never doubt that, but his final words often rang in my head. Had my authority, my judgment, superseded the government’s, even given the circumstances?

A hand on my arm tugged me to the side, right as a police squad continued their patrol through the spot where I’d been striding. They were, as expected, out in force this afternoon, even with the rain.

With Brennan removing her grip, I turned aside while the tromp of their boots passed behind me. Once they were gone, though, Zhao smacked the back of my head.

“What was that?” he hissed. “Are you trying to get us killed?”

“Sorry, my mind was elsewhere,” I said. “I’m with you now, though.”

“You’d better be, *ko,* because we’re almost there.”

Zhao took off with Brennan on his heels, but before I could follow, Himi took my hand.

“Was it Them?” she asked. “I can hardly hear anything but those assholes today.”

After moving her hand to the crook of my elbow, I started after the others.

“Really?” I said. “Are They arguing again?”

Wrinkling her nose, Himi said, “Only all the time. You’re lucky. I wish I had moments of quiet like you do.”

With a lump in my throat, I patted her hand.

“You’re a strong girl, Himi.”

And at the end of this, I’d feed her to the wolves. I hadn’t yet found the courage to tell her what her burning gaze meant, if she didn’t already know it.

Could she handle everything that a life as the empress would entail? And why did I care? More importantly, why had it begun to take so much effort to continue hating this girl?

*Too much of a resemblance between her, you, and the man who once gave your life meaning,* the voice of Growth whispered.

With a wince and a faltered step, I set such concerns out of my mind. I couldn’t get lost in thought. Not again.

I recognized the street we’d turned onto. I’d walked it countless times before with my friend at my side, and now, others were striding down it with me. Th gut-punch of another example of Nokoribi’s absence only started to fade when we turned into a yard with a familiar home waiting for us to enter.

Abandoned, the place was quickly filled with the echoes of our footfalls, ringing on its floor, and we passed empty rooms without a glance. Even Himi’s chatter, diminished while we’d been outside, fell to a hush in the face of this place’s lost potential. No family would ever dwell here.

Near the back, I stopped a heartbeat before Zhao, as both of us were well acquainted with this route. When he pressed an indentation hidden behind a gas lamp, something below us clunked, and a floor panel lifted from out of the ones beside it. Electric lights illuminated a staircase that dove into the earth.

Zhao, Brennan, and Himi filed into the stairwell, and once I’d descended several steps after them, I pulled a lever on the wall, which had gears lowering the raised panel back into place.

As we continued on, the length of our descent soon started to affect Himi. The girl had tensed, drawing her shoulders together, and she nervously scanned the stone walls, even knowing as she must that they wouldn’t change in appearance.

Brennan seemed unphased to be surrounded by rock, which I found interesting. I’d known Zhao would be fine with how deep into the earth we were delving. Both of us had made this trip many times in the past, but I wasn’t sure why Brennan was comfortable with it. Most people didn’t enjoy being in such close quarters.

Maybe she’d acquired a taste for it during her travels? Or perhaps her home was made up of places like this.

Right when I’d decided to ask her about it, the staircase reached its lower landing, and the narrow corridor we’d been descending expanded into a more reasonably sized chamber. In it, several downtrodden were sprawled, waiting, and even changed as I might be, I couldn’t help but bristle at the sight of them in a place that should be secure.

A woman sprang to her feet from their midst, edging toward Zhao with wary eyes fixed on me and Himi.

“We did as you asked. The passage is clear,” she said. “What else would you have us do, Zhao?”

“Make sure no one sneaks up on us from behind,” Zhao said. “Other than that, take advantage of this shelter from the rain.”

Nodding, the woman was making to rejoin her companions when Himi rushed forward to seize her hands.

“Thank you,” she said. “Without you, I wouldn’t have this chance to atone. I’m in your debt. All of you.”

She flung her arms around the woman, and for a moment, the downtrodden froze before stiffly patting Himi’s back. With a laugh, the girl released her captive, soon skipping into the tunnel in front of her. The group of downtrodden watched her go with bewildered expressions in place.

“Is she the next empress?” the woman asked.

Before I could confirm her suspicions, Zhao said, “That has yet to be determined.”

He nodded toward me, and shaking my head, I ignored the eyes on me, setting off after Himi. Her voice, prattling to Growth and Decay, pulled me along, blessedly filling a silence that would otherwise have begged for Nokoribi’s sarcastic jokes. Watching Himi’s curls bouncing ahead, I decided I liked her derisive quips almost as much as I had my friend's.

“Forgive me, ‘ribi,” I murmured.

Because no matter how quickly she’d wormed through my fading hatred, no matter how important Nokoribi might have found her, Himi had still killed him. I might have come close to forgiving her for that crime, but I didn’t know if I’d ever forget it. I certainly would never forgive myself for making comparisons between the two.

Whether Zhao would ever understand my decision to spare Himi also eluded me. Since I’d made that choice, it had lain as an unspoken point of contention between us. I felt it now, walking beside him, and I didn’t know how to resolve it.

*“Maiyaru?”* I said. “I’m sorry to have disappointed you. When it comes to Himi, I did what I thought was necessary. I wish it caused you less stress.”

Zhao glanced at me before facing forward again.

“You haven’t disappointed me, *ko.* In fact, I think you made the right decision,” he said. “I’m just having a hard time with letting go of what she did, but… I’ll get there, I think, even if it’s the hardest thing I’ve done in my life.”

That was understandable. I hadn’t found It any easier.

The first few days of my voluntary house arrest had seemed like ones spent in Katanti. It had taken all of my control to do nothing more than snap at Himi when her oddities had become overwhelming.

“Perhaps forgiveness should become part of Hiyuki’s definition of strength,” I said.

“That’s… actually not a ridiculous idea,” Zhao said. “Don’t let the concession give you a big head, though.”

“I would never,” I dryly said.

Shaking his head, Zhao said, “Your idea might not be silly, but that’s how you’re acting, yet again. Pay attention. We’re here.”

Indeed, the tunnel’s slope had leveled off with a metal sheet cutting off our passage ahead. Beside it, Brennan and Himi were curiously looking for a switch to remove that blockage. With a dry mouth, I approached them.

“Would you like to do the honors?” Zhao asked, gesturing toward the metal sheet.

No.

Still, I laid a hand on the edge of the tunnel and pushed it open, as if it were a normal door. Chuckling, Brennan strode past me with Zhao on her heels, but I couldn’t make myself step forward.

Taking my hand, Himi squeezed it, looking up at me. Pain pinched her eyes, creating wrinkles in an otherwise youthful face.

“I know,” she said. “Together?”

I nodded, and we stepped into Nokoribi’s bedroom.

Or the remnants of it, at least. Vines had been cleared from its gauzy hangings and the pillows on the floor, but one of the walls still had a hole in it. A tree with wilting leaves still stood outside of that hole, and one of its limbs was still making an arch that brushed along the ceiling until it punched through the floor.

And dried blood still formed a splotchy circle in a place that I could never forget.

“It will haunt me for the rest of my life,” Himi said. “Until the day I die, I will hate myself for what I did here.”

I had no words of comfort for her. How could I give them to this girl when I had none for myself?

“They left it the same,” I said in a raspy voice. “No one’s come to clean up. No one…”

In a daze, I strode forward, leaving Himi behind. I crouched outside the perimeter of a rust-red circle, hesitantly reaching for it.

This was all that remained of my friend. They’d have burned the body days ago, which meant that this, what I was spreading my hand over, was it. Nokoribi had left nothing else behind.

Any policy changes he’d snuck past the guilds would soon be overturned. Even his name, sacrificed for the position of emperor, would be forgotten. *He* would be forgotten.

A small hand rested beside mine on the floor.

*“Gidae…”* Himi breathed with a tremble in her voice. “Oh, *gidae.* I’m so sorry.”

Without knowing why, I turned to her.

And crouching beside the blood of the one who’d been murdered, the emperor’s bodyguard embraced his charge’s assassin.

I held her close, rocking her. We had no more tears to spill here. We had no useless words. All we had was our pain, and it didn’t matter who the person who shared it was or had been. We had to ease the hurt we saw in one another, using the oldest expression of human comfort.

It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough to fix what was broken, but as I clung to Himi, something I’d clasped to myself like a father would with an endangered son gave way, and I could breathe again.

“Is this how it will be forever?” I said into Himi’s hair. “Will I think I’m cured of grief, only to be overwhelmed by its unexpected attack? Does the pain ever fade?’

“It does.”

Releasing Himi, I rose to match Brennan’s height.

“Over time, the hurt lessens,” she continued. “As for grief’s return, I don’t know if those will ever stop. Someone will use the same snarky tone that he did, or I’ll smell something that reminds me of him, and the pain’s there again, just as sharp.”

She looked away, and as I wondered who she’d lost, Zhao joined us.

“I choose to see those memory flashes as a way for the lost to persist,” he said. “They live on in our memories and our hearts, of course, but the pain of their absence is another of their marks, an expression of how much we loved them.”

“That’s incredibly insightful of you, Zhao,” Brennan said.

“I try my best,” he said with a shrug. “Come, *ko.* Leave this depressing site. I need your help with preparations.”

“And I could use you, Himi,” Brennan said. “Could you shape this tree limb so that it blocks…?”

Her words got garbled as she guided Himi toward the hole in the room.

“What do you need from me?” I asked, grateful for the distraction.

“Clear our potential battleground,” Zhao said. “You may have learned how to fight with so many tripping hazards littering the floor, but the rest of us haven’t.”

“Make the pillows vanish,” I said. “I can do that.”

Hopefully, I could do it without letting emotions take over this time.

I piled pillows in the room’s corners until the stacks threatened to topple. Then, I started heaping them on the bed.

Where Nokoribi had slept. Where so many versions of his brand of fun had taken place. Where he’d had his nightmares.

*‘ribi’s screaming, thrashing like a wild animal in his sheets. I vaguely recall Zhao mentioning something about this, but right now, I’m not that cranky man’s student. I’m a friend, here to help a boy who’s floundering in his new life.*

*At Nokoribi’s bedside, I shake his shoulder.*

*“‘ribi!” I shout.*

*He snaps his eyes open, and as they often have in recent days, the burn in them compels a flinch from me, but with his expression blank and his face slack, he doesn’t see me. When I shake him again, something wraps around my wrist, and as that snakes up my arm, I’m soon adding my scream to his.*

*It flows over my body, securing me in place, and to my horror, my cage of fibrous ropes tightens.*

*“‘ribi!” I screech.*

*The vined noose around my neck clenches, and my throat becomes a reed-thin tube, allowing barely any air through it. Panic aids my thrashing, giving it almost enough violence to snap myself free, but more ropes soon slither and mesh with what was already holding me in place.*

*“‘ribi, help!” I rasp.*

*I don’t know why that repeat of his name wakes him up, but he shoots upright, whipping his head around to take in the room. When he sees me, he unleashes the most colorful string of curses I’ve ever heard while diving forward to touch what’s holding me.*

*Just like that, I’m free, clutching at my throat. Before I’ve recovered, Nokoribi wallops my cheek with his palm.*

*“Didn’t Zhao say that you shouldn’t disturb my rest?” he shouts.*

*He’s angry, SO ANGRY, and those fiery coronas have illuminated the room in its entirety.*

*“I only wanted to help,” I wheeze.*

*Nokoribi softens, pulling me to him for a quick hug before thrusting me away again.*

*“I know, K, but you can’t help with this,” he says, “and while I’m sleeping you absolutely CANNOT try to wake me up. Not for anything.”*

If I’d possessed the full range of Growth and Decay’s powers, Brennan might be dead right now. Her attempts to hold me down, days before, would have ended with her bound in plant life. Given that, thank earth and fire that I had only a remnant of those two’s power.

“I hear them coming,” Zhao hissed from the door.

I hurriedly finished what I’d been doing before joining Himi and Brennan in their hiding place behind one of the tree’s errant branches. Soon enough, I too heard voices approaching.

“-me here? What possible reason could you have for holding a private meeting in *this room?”*

Sunada. Whereas other parts of the old skin I’d donned caused me nothing but struggle, the cold rage that this woman summoned easily came to me.

“Trust me. I have a reason. A good one. Please, I know you’re already indulging me, Sunada. Grant me this last request, and everything will be made clear.”

Taro. How I wished we could have avoided involving that man in our plans.

My conflict over the brothel guild’s chairman had yet to stop prickling my skin or invoking nausea in me, but we’d had no choice. If Zhao had made a move to draw Sunada out, the operative network would have grown suspicious, which would have had our hideout discovered soon afterward. Besides that, we’d wanted Sunada on ground of our choosing when confronting her.

Hence, using someone she trusted to draw her to it. Hence, Taro.

The guild chairs glided into the room, and where Sunada’s face was pinched with annoyance, Taro had done an admirable job with hiding the tension he must be feeling.

“All right. We’re here,” Sunada said. “Why have you-?”

Zhao closed the door behind them, standing in front of it with knives in hand, and after directing a warning glare toward Brennan and Himi, I hung my mask in place before emerging from hiding.

Himi would get her chance at confronting Sunada. I wanted to make sure this woman had no surprises on her before letting the girl join me.

And I wanted to enjoy Sunada’s reaction when she realized what this was.

It was quite disappointing, actually. The guild chair’s coal eyes widened a fraction when I came into view, and she glanced toward Zhao and her closest means of escape, but then, she centered her attention on Taro.

“How did you know I was leading our cabal?” she asked. “When I sent letters to the others, I left no hints about my identity.”

“He told me, “Zhao said, inclining his head toward Zhao. “I have no idea how he found out.”

“And you’d choose the old ways over what I’m offering?” Sunada asked in a hiss. “You know my plans and how I mean to advance Hiyuki. You’d discard that to embrace subservience once more?”

Drawing himself up, Taro said, “I never stopped serving the emperor. I was his agent in your little conspiracy and Sunada! Your plan’s insane! You must see this.”

Sunada pursed her lips with a hum of irritation emerging from them. After several moments where she glanced between the room’s occupants and the guarded door, she clicked her tongue.

“You should have moved away from me when you had the chance,” she said. “That’s poor tactics, Taro.”

When she thrust her hand beneath her jacket, Taro stumbled away from her, and as she lifted a pistol into view—where were all these guns coming from?—I took off toward the guild chair. Even as I sprang to knock him out of the way, a distant part of me wondered why I was doing it.

I was too late anyhow. A bang rattled in the bedroom’s confines, and Taro doubled over with a hand to his chest.

A lung. She’d hit a lung.

With blood oozing between his fingers, Taro crumpled to the ground, and Sunada swung the pistol toward me. I had a moment to wish for my metal-lined cape before Sunada squeezed the trigger once more.

But the pistol only clicked. A misfire.

With a feral grin, I grabbed its muzzle, yanking down on it before slamming my palm into Sunada’s chest. She lurched back and with the pistol making an arch toward the door, I twisted my hold at its lowest point, applying pressure to her wrist. As soon as she released the weapon, I lifted it to drive its grip into her face, and she retreated from me, clutching her nose.

“You’re not going to ask why I’m here?” I growled, tossing the gun to Zhao. “How I’m alive?”

“I know the answer to the first,” Sunada snapped, “and the second doesn’t matter. You’re my one mistake, and of course, it’s come back to bite me.”

“You’ll have to forgive me for ruining your plan,” I said with a sneer. “What is it, by the by? Did you mean to condemn Hiyuki to an explosive death by fire, or was there another reason for removing the empire’s only way of controlling the earth?”

Lowering her hand, Sunada bared her bloodied teeth at me.

“Are you asking me why?” she said. *“Why did you have my emperor assassinated? Why did you ruin my life, destroy my reputation, order my execution?”*

Her voice twisted into a whine with the last question, and snarling, I pinned her to the tree branch that was invading the room, pressing my drawn knife to her throat.

“I never cared about myself,” I said. “All that mattered to me was ‘ribi.”

Searing heat was humming in me, a horrible urge to open her neck that was only tempered by the thrumming ‘why, why, why’ in my thoughts. Himi hadn’t adequately answered that question, but then, how was a tool supposed to know the reasoning of its master?

As if oblivious to her peril, Sunada huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I suppose I can share, not that you’ll understand,” she said. “Hiyuki was dying before I did anything. Cities and towns across the empire, including Takanai, rely on the power provided by the steamworks. It sustains every industry, supports every self-contained atmosphere, and even provides the average citizens with their everyday comforts. Without the steamworks, Hiyuki can’t function, which is quite unfortunate.

“Because my guild can’t keep up with current demand. We don’t have enough the equipment needed to replace easily broken machinery or the steam rats to operate it, and most importantly, we don’t have enough earth’s blood to produce the steam we need.

“I brought our late emperor my guild’s problem, and he did what he could to help, to be sure, but that help came too slowly. All the while, the steamworks threatened to grind to a halt.

“I don’t think the emperor realized how much he was contributing to the problem, even as he strove to correct it. Making the transfer of membership writs between guilds easier saw people fleeing from the steamworks as soon as they could afford to do it, and the criminals that the emperor sent to replace them weren’t enough.

“If you’d like I could continue listing our emperor’s follies, but trust me. You’d rather if I just told you what pushed me into forming my cabal and the drastic actions we’ve taken.

“To put it simply, I needed more earth’s blood, a lot more, and every time our late emperor communed with the earth, my supply dwindled.

“So, yes. I convinced the other guild chairmen that Hiyuki no longer needs its outdated system of monarchy. I proclaimed myself the leader of an underground social movement, but all I wanted was to keep the steamworks and therefore, the empire running, even if it meant Hiyuki had to live through a period of environmental trouble as a result.”

Rendered silent, I could only gape at Sunada. I could, in a way, understand her logic but-

“You had my best friend killed and doomed an empire to a clinging existence in a volatile world to *improve how your guild runs?”* I said. “What happens once you have enough earth’s blood, Sunada? Do you have a way to turn off the tap, now that you’ve broken the faucet off of it?”

Shrugging, Sunada said, “I told you. We’ll learn how to live in our new world, and if it becomes too hostile for life, an heir will come along soon enough, someone who the guilds can bend to their will. That someone will commune with the earth, and everything will go back to normal, if needed.”

“You idiot,” I breathed. “What if she doesn’t know how to commune with the earth? What if you killed the only person who did?”

For the first time, Sunada looked ruffled with a frown as her singular expression of self-doubt. Before she could speak, however, Zhao laid a hand on my arm.

“We have little time left,” he said. “Whatever else you need from her, take it, most blessed.”

“Most blessed?” Sunada gasped.

“Perhaps.”

Removing my mask, I gave it to Zhao before extending a hand.

“Himi?” I called. “If you have something you want to say to her, you should do it now.”

The girl came to my side, and with both of our fiery gazes turned toward a studiously blank-faced guild chairman, Himi flicked a knife from out of her sleeve.

“I’d like a moment alone with her.”

Glancing at Himi, I almost refused her. I didn’t want this girl anywhere near something that might tempt her to violence, but over the last few days, I’d learned what drove her, and unlike what I’d thought during our first meeting, it didn’t seem to be vengeance.

Himi was too flighty and cheerful to have something dark festering in her, and I knew from personal experience that she could defend herself. I didn’t need to worry about keeping her safe.

So, patting her shoulder, I said, “Don’t take too long.”

With that, I turned to Taro, hoping he was still breathing, and found Brennan kneeling over him with Zhao at her back.

“Will he live?” I asked, striding to them.

“Maybe,” Brennan said. “I placed a patch over the wound, but he’ll need a chest tube inserted to drain any blood that’s filled his lung and-”

A tinkling melody, ringing as if from another plane of existence, interrupted her, and it took me a moment to remember why something like this should worry me.

*Save her, K.*

*PROTECT HER!*

The force of the voices’ roar nearly knocked me off my feet this time, never to rise again, but instead of letting that happen, I chewed a chunk out of the wall of my cheek, flipping toward the girl I’d just left behind. All the while, a malevolent god beat on my brain as if it were a drum.

Through sparks, I saw Himi standing like a broken toy in front of Sunada. The guild chair was holding a black ball, covered in a delicate mesh, in front of her chest, and when she squeezed it, the tinkling music that was cloying at me reduced in volume.

“Keep them away from us,” she said, pointing at me and my companions.

Spinning in place, Himi gestured at thin air, and interwoven plant life sprang out of the tree, forming a green barrier between us.

A wall of vines. They’d trapped me again, and again, danger was hovering on the other side.

“Not this time,” I growled.

How would I get through, though?

Opposite me, Sunada murmured something, and Himi pointed toward the tunnel entrance that we’d used to get here. They started toward it with Himi withering the tangle of tree limbs she’d grown not long ago, allowing their passage.

Vaguely, I noted that Brennan was screaming. She was repeating my performance from days ago while Zhao checked his weapons, preparing for when we inevitably clashed with the royal guard.

After all, Himi had blocked us from the only viable exits from the room, trapping us, and when they showed up, the royal guard would need a moment to notice my burning eyes before they’d surrender. No matter how good they were, they were also only human.

Those events, however, lay on the periphery of my awareness. My focus had turned inward.

“A few days ago, you left threads of yourselves in me,” I whispered. “Can you give me more? Enough to get through this obstacle?”

*…You understood that conversation?* the voice of Decay asked.

*Stop your idiocy, dullard. The human asked a question,* the voice of Growth said. *Unfortunately, mortal, we can’t relinquish more than we already have, not without breaking the-*

“Rules, I know,” I breathed with a wince, “but you’ve already cheated them, at least to a degree. Why not do more?”

*Cheated?* Growth sputtered. *I’ll have you know that I-*

*We’ll consider it if you run into something you can’t handle on your own,* Decay interrupted. *For this, though, don’t you have a simpler way of incinerating this barrier?*

Oh.

Massaging my forehead, I shouted, “Everyone stand back.”

As Zhao and Brennan did as they’d been told, Himi stopped short on the other side of the barrier, roughly shaking her head. It took Sunada a moment, but when she realized the girl had stopped following her, she barked a command over her shoulder.

I could probably have understood her words if I’d listened more carefully, but right now, I had more pressing concerns. I needed this barrier gone, and I had a way to quickly demolish it, if only my damn magic would work.

It had to work. I *would not* watch helplessly as another person I cared for came to harm. Not again. The frustration and despair of the last time I’d stood here *would not* be mine again. I needed to reach the girl who was under my protection. Please. Another failure to protect couldn’t be-

Along the ceiling, a line of swirling orange and red appeared above an ivy wall. As if suspended by the disbelief of the people viewing it, it hung there for what seemed like forever before splattering to the floor, and where it hit greenery, earth’s blood ate through it, melting it as if it had never been.

In a few breaths, that seemingly insurmountable obstacle was erased.

Leaping over cooling molten earth, I raced for Himi, a girl I… cared for?

With her hackles raised, she was advancing on Sunada, who’d been stunned by my magic, and when she placed her finger on the older woman’s cheek, it snapped the guild chair’s attention back to her.

“You don’t control me,” Himi said. “You might once have, making me a killer in the process, but not anymore. I am my own.”

That pose with a finger on someone’s cheek, so similar to what Nokoribi had done days before, jolted me. A sense of déjà vu slammed into me so hard that my sprint nearly ended in a tumble, but Himi quickly ended that disconcerting sensation.

In a flash, she moved her hand from Sunada’s face to a firm grip around the older woman’s jaw, lifting her chin so that those wide, black eyes couldn’t focus on her, and with her face twisting, a carefree teenager became a monster.

“Enjoy the work of your hands,” she snarled.

She tightened her fingers, and a gray splotch crept out from beneath her palm, progressing into Sunada’s chin and chest. Everywhere it went, flakes fell from it. Slowly, a person dissolved into ash, and Sunada’s thrashing arms only quickened it while her clawing fingers only made its instigator smile.

When only a husk remained, Himi tossed the body to the side before lifting her hands in front of her eyes.

“She made me this,” she whispered. “She did. I never wanted to be…”

Having become a statue, she waited for someone to move her, and I approached her with caution.

“Himi, will you look at me?” I said. “Come on, precious. Break free of what’s captured you.”

“I am free,” Himi said in a dead voice.

And she stomped on the sphere Sunada had been holding, silencing its music. Over and over, her foot flashed, and when the device lay in pieces across the floor, Himi jerked her head up, flinging a gasp toward the ceiling.

When Brennan touched my shoulder, I jumped. With Himi having become my world, I’d forgotten about her and Zhao, but she dragged me after her with her mouth set into a grim line.

“Follow my lead,” she said.

After stopping in front of Himi, we examined her. Glassy eyes, parted lips, listless motions. All symptoms of shock, something I didn’t need Brennan to show me how to fix.

I met her gaze, this woman who shared my aversion to intimate touch, and taking a deep breath, we held Himi between us.

While I might have grown comfortable enough with Brennan and Himi to endure contact like this with them separately, doing it with them both had my mind screaming ‘too much’. So, I sought out Zhao as a distraction.

The old man had lifted Taro over his shoulders, and nodding to me, he trudged toward our escape route.

We were done here, for now. If Growth and Decay were right, Sunada’s conspiracy would fall apart without her, and when it was appropriate, I’d tell Himi about what her fiery eyes meant before escorting her to the palace. The guilds and royal guard could take over from there.

All of which meant I’d fulfilled my final obligation in Hiyuki. Nokoribi had his justice, something I was still too numb to ponder, and I could leave with Brennan. It was the perfect ending to the hell my life had become over the last few days.

With a whimpering gasp, Himi returned to herself, squirming in between me and Brennan. When we released her, I half-expected her to start weeping, but with her jaw set, she marched toward the room’s exit.

The wrong one.

Racing after her, I pulled her to a stop.

“What are you doing?” I asked. ‘We should return to base and wait for things to calm down-”

“Their freedom is the only way to free us. *Gidae’s* last words to me,” Himi dully interrupted. “I’ve been mulling them over in the days since I heard them, trying to figure out what he meant. It seemed so nonsensical. Redundant.”

When she lifted her head as if she was dragging it through mud, her bleak gaze raised a flicker of fear in me.

“I know what it means now,” Himi said. “I know what I have to do.”

# Chapter Twenty-One

I should be urging Himi toward the tunnel and the safety found there. I should tell her that we could discuss this new conviction of hers once the palace lay far behind us.

Instead, I clenched my jaw while something unwelcome flooded through me. What was it?

“I know what *gidae* wanted from me. Surely you can relate,” Himi continued. “Let me carry out his wishes.”

Ah. That was what it was. Envy, green and unbidden, had sent snarling tendrils through me. How had she unraveled the puzzle of Nokoribi’s dying words before I had?

“I understand,” I said. “I also know that once you’re outside that door, you won’t get far before a royal guardsman kills you for intruding on this place. When it comes to eliminating threats, I didn’t train them to wait.”

“I could show them this.”

Himi gestured at her face.

*“Gidae* had eyes like ours, and he was the emperor,” she said. “That must mean something, right?”

So, despite how secluded she’d always seemed, she’d figured that out on her own.

“It does, but Himi? You should consider everything that revealing yourself would entail,” I said. “Please. I know how badly you want to make up for ‘ribi’s death. I have the same urge, but give yourself time. Take a night to review your options.”

What was this? Why was I discouraging Himi from taking the throne? Wasn’t that what I wanted?

“Don’t let emotions make this decision for you,” I continued. “Come home tonight. Just one more night. Do it for me?”

 Himi deflated, giving me a small nod, and just in time too. I could hear faint boot stomps moving toward us.

“Good girl,” I rushed to say.

Taking Himi’s hand, I ducked and dodged through wayward branches toward escape. Zhao had long since left, and Brennan, apparently content to let me handle Himi, had followed him, so I shoved the girl through the tunnel’s opening with a shouted ‘go’ to speed her along.

Once that was done, I waited in the threshold. I had one last task to accomplish.

The door on the far side of the room slammed open before someone ducked their head through it to check for hostiles, and as I’d hoped, the royal guard’s commander led their charge into Nokoribi’s bedroom. A perfect room breach, just like I’d taught them.

“Ryoko!” I called.

Tensing, the commander jerked toward me, grunting as if he’d been gut-punched.

“Kasai,” he breathed. “Your eyes-”

When I lifted my finger to point at Sunada’s body, it cut him off.

“A traitor for you,” I said.

Sparing the indicated corpse a glance, Ryoko said, “What-? How are you-?”

That man really needed to work on controlling himself. Still, his baffled expression had me cracking a smile.

“Katanti didn’t want me,” I said. “Good luck with explaining this to the guilds.”

“Wait… most blessed!”

Rolling my eyes, I sprinted to cover the distance that had formed between me and Himi.

“Can you block the path behind us?” I asked.

“Certainly,” Himi said.

There. A glimpse of the cheerfulness I’d grown to expect from her. Maybe she could recover from this.

Behind us, the tunnel rumbled, and I cast a glance behind me, watching roots spring free of stone walls. They created a heavily intermeshed wall in the tunnels’ open space, leaving barely any part of the room we’d fled peeking through.

“That should hold them for a while,” I said.

“I should hope so,” Himi said. “I can’t have them getting in my way.”

And there was the woman I was afraid of her becoming. Grim. Set on what she believed and willing to do anything to accomplish it. A faint echo of the person I’d been. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, which begged the question of why. I didn’t regret what I’d done but… but…

But what?

In the chamber at the far end of the tunnel, Himi and I caught up with the others. With the downtrodden looking on, Zhao had lowered Taro to the floor while Brennan was kneeling beside the injured man, and they were arguing.

Loudly.

“-not leaving a man to die when I can save his life,” Brennan was shouting.

“We. don’t. have. time,” Zhao barked back. “After the mess we caused, an operative team will come straight to this place, and it won’t take them long to arrive.”

“They won’t get here within a half-hour, though,” I said as I joined them. “That should give us enough time to at least stabilize him, yes?”

While Zhao frowned at me and Brennan gazed at me with bright eyes, Himi trudged to sit at the foot of the stairs. I kept an eye on her as she curled up on herself.

“We should use that time to get as far away from here as possible, most blessed. You know this,” Zhao said. “Besides, how are we supposed to stabilize this stain of a man? Look at him. The patch Brennan placed on his wound is barely holding, and we don’t have the medical supplies we’d need to finish the job.”

He was right about Taro’s condition. Blood had stained his bared chest with a piece of someone’s oil-slicked coat secured over the hole in him, and with him barely conscious, a sheen had accented his unhealthily drained pallor.

“If I had my satchel, I could use my friend's stasis device to keep him alive until help arrives,” Brennan said. “Someone would have to stay with him until the last minute, though. I can’t leave the device on him. Mixing iteration is bad¸ and I can’t do it any more than I already have here.”

“Your satchel’s where you’ve been storing drugs for me, right?” I asked.

Brennan nodded while Zhao clicked his tongue.

“You’re talking about taking an unnecessary risk for Taro,” he growled, “the man who-”

“I know what he did,” Brennan snapped. “A few days ago, I wanted to kill him myself. I still do, but he took this wound while helping us. I can’t repay that sacrifice by letting him die.”

“And I need to speak with him again.”

I extended a satchel to Brennan, and she took it without questioning its obvious manifestation, digging through its contents. With my foot jittering, I met Zhao’s glare with a blank canvas, one I had to fight to maintain.

“You were right all those days ago. All my hang-ups about strength and weakness are related to my childhood,” I said. “I didn’t want to admit it, but you had the right idea. I’ve been thinking it over while watching Himi, alone in your house with it and ribi’s last words. I think those two ideas are connected, and if they are, my only chance to confirm it lies with him.”

I pointed at Taro, who now had a black disk lying near his wound. All motion around it had halted, as evidenced by a blood droplet that had stopped midway through its roll down his side, but I couldn’t consider that impossibility yet, not with Zhao requiring all of my attention.

“You had to pick now to have this revelation?” he hissed. “Not yesterday, when we could have had a nice, safe conversation with him?”

Grimacing, I shrugged.

“I can’t help the poor timing,” I said. “Bren, are you finished?”

Glancing up, Brennan said, “Almost. Just have to finish with a last option…”

She fiddled with the disk for a few more seconds before grinning at me.

“I’ve limited the stasis field to shroud only the injured lung, so he’ll be… uncomfortable. Once help gets close, just pull the disk off of him. He’ll probably survive for a few minutes without it.”

“Meaning I should make sure help’s close before removing it. Understood,” I said. “Will you take Himi back to base for me?”

Furrowing her brow, Brennan said, “You want me to leave you here, especially with what you want to tackle? No! If any of us will be facing danger, we should do it together.”

Dropping into a crouch, I leaned over Taro’s unconscious body.

“Bren. Stop thinking about your own needs for one second,” I said under my breath. “Himi just killed someone for the first time. Of her own volition, at least. Do you know what that’s like?”

Biting her lip, Brennan hesitantly nodded.

“I’m afraid she’ll do something foolish if left alone,” I continued. “So, I need you to take her somewhere comfortable and act like nothing’s changed. I know this will break my promise to you, of a sort, but-”

“It’s needed. I get it.”

Growling, Brennan roughly rubbed her hands through her hair before puffing out a defeated sigh.

“What will Zhao be doing while I’m playing babysitter?”

I knew without a doubt that the old man’s gaze was piercing the back of my head, and with my lips pursed, I tried to ignore the sensation. I was already struggling enough with his disapproval.

“He thinks I’m Hiyuki’s next emperor, remember?” I said through gritted teeth. “Having volunteered to serve as my bodyguard, he won’t leave my side without a compelling reason to draw him away, not until I’m safely ensconced in the palace or somewhere similar. So, he’ll stay with me, although I hope he’ll be giving me as much privacy as possible here.”

I’d raised my voice to aim those last words at Zhao, and on hearing them, he moved away, making his shadow on the wall opposite me shorten in stature before disappearing. All the while, Brennan tracked his progress.

“This iteration is so weird, but then, all of them have been so far,” she said before slapping her knees. “Ok. You be safe, K. Don’t take too many foolish risks.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Remember what I said about Taro’s condition,” Brennan kept right on rambling, as if I’d said nothing. “Oh! And bring my toy back with you.”

“Bren, you’re stalling,” I said with a smile.

“I know that! I was just hoping-”

With a groan, Brennan got to her feet, brushing off her knees once there. She reached out as if to touch me but dropped her hand before it came anywhere close to my head.

“See you soon,” she said before spinning toward the stairs. “Himi! Let’s go.”

I watched the ladies make their climb out of the earth’s bowels until they’d vanished. Then, I collapsed beside Taro with my head resting on the wall, ignoring the downtrodden around us.

I had no idea where Zhao had gone, but without a doubt, he’d reappear when we could no longer delay our escape. Until then, I was alone with Taro. Mostly.

Almost, I decided against rousing him because I hadn’t told Zhao the full truth. Yes, as I’d had time to think over the last few days, his opinion about how I’d handled my past had often come to mind. Yes, I’d seen that avoiding what had happened to me was not only an unhealthy approach to processing it but an unhelpful one. A weak one.

And yes, Nokoribi’s last words to me had near constantly been ringing in my head, begging me to find better definitions for strength and weakness. Perhaps facing my past could provide another step in bringing that goal clarity.

All of this had pushed me out of a stubborn refusal to touch the matter, but what had gotten me to see the necessity of seeking its resolution had been Himi. She’d purposefully forgotten the moments of a loved one’s murder, but circumstances and new companions had forced her into remembering it.

Having seen both sides of her experience, I could say without a doubt that the Himi of now seemed… perhaps not happier, but more at peace than the girl I’d met. She had a lightness about her, as if her burdens had fallen from her shoulders, and while she often descended into times of quiet sorrow, she also seemed more like her true self than the overly quirky girl from before.

That precluded today’s events, of course. Her progress might have just been undone in a few passion-fueled seconds.

This moment, however, wasn’t about Himi. Only I sat with this gravely wounded man, and almost, I couldn’t drag my hands out of my lap to slap Taro awake.

Somehow, though, I defeated my reluctance, bringing the guild chairman back to the pain that his mind had fled. After some initial moaning and attempts to faint once more, Taro focused with his eyes clearing, and once I’d seen recognition in his gaze, I relaxed, resting my wrists on my knees.

“Why am I alive?” was the first thing Taro said.

The words had seemed to come from him with difficulty, and he feebly pawed at his injured side. Grimacing, I shoved his hands down.

“Don’t do that,” I said. “You might dislodge the patch we placed.”

Taro wheezed for a moment, presumably gathering his strength.

“Why?” he soon repeated.

“Because Zhao carried you here, probably hoping to make you the scapegoat for our crimes. He’d have had you draw the heat off of us, in a way,” I said, “and once we got here, Brennan refused to let you bleed out into your lung. She still wants to kill you, but… letting you die was too much.”

One rasp filled the air. Two.

“That’s fair,” Taro said.

“You’re not curious about why I haven’t ended your life?” I asked. “I struggled with sparing it once. Twice? I’m having a hard time with stopping myself from ripping your bandaging off.”

“I assumed… you’d tell me… why.”

With my fingers twitching, I tilted my head back with the ceiling having stolen my focus.

I didn’t know why Taro prompted such wrath in me. He hadn’t bought me from my parents or participated in any of what had followed. In fact, he held only tangential guilt for those events with his lack of control on his guilt leading to the loss of my childhood. It was shameful, perhaps, but not something that should make me want him dead.

Was my rage at him an irrational reaction? If it was, why did it matter? Why think about these things when I had little time here?

“I want you to tell me everything,” I said.

“What do you-?” Taro started.

“You know what I mean.”

After a pause, Taro rasped, “I… don’t know if... I-”

*“Try,”* I growled.

Swallowing, Taro let his head fall to the side. At a halting pace, he told me the story of my childhood, a secondhand story I’d already known, but as he approached the end, he included a never-before-heard addendum.

“I had no clue that something was wrong in my guild until I received your request for the transfer of your membership writ, but that certainly alerted me to it,” he said. “A transfer request made by a nine-year-old and to the steamworks, or all guilds? It was unheard of.

“So, I investigated it, and in the process, found the people who’d bought you from your parents. After turning them in to the last emperor, I approved your request, but even with that, I *had* to make up for my negligence toward you and the other children. Somehow.

“I was working on getting you transferred to a less hazardous guild when the old emperor died, and you joined his replacement as his new bodyguard. You never needed my help.

“Still, I came to the new emperor so I could share my side of your story. That’s how I came to be in his service, his secret card to play against the guilds.

“I’m so sorry, Amari Kasai. What happened to you has haunted me for years. I wish I could take it back, giving you the childhood that every girl and boy deserves, but I can’t. I can only hope that I’ve helped you in some way. Maybe it hasn’t been enough to match the damage that was done to you, but it was what little I could do.

“I… don’t know if you’re interested, but your parents are alive. You have siblings-”’

Harshly, I snapped, “I *don’t need to know.”*

With a sharply indrawn breath, I gathered myself before continuing.

“My family is ‘ribi and Zhao, not the people who threw me away for a pittance.”

Never before had I been so numb. I pressed my fingers along my arms, dully curious why it felt like I was doing it to dead skin. Something inside was roaring and weeping, but a sheet of ice-cold had turned that to fuzz, filling me to the brim, and with these problems afflicting me, it was as if I was directing my body from a distance.

I decided to stand, and after a moment’s delay, my legs were tucked under me while my arms pushed me off of the ground. I looked upon a man who’d wronged me and yet, hadn’t, someone who’d striven to correct other people’s wrongdoing, and with my mind turned to molasses, I couldn’t decide what to do with him.

“Thank you,” I eventually said with tingling lips. “You’ve been… helpful.”

Peeling Brennan’s device off of Taro’s chest, I started up the stairs. I didn’t know how long it would be before help would reach the chamber, but honestly? I couldn’t bring myself to care. Taro would live, or he wouldn’t. Thoughts about the guild chair had fled me with others replacing them.

A woman hungrily kissed me, and I swallowed bile as she praised my eyes, so like the emperor’s, while tugging on my shirt.

A man lay satiated beside me, stroking my hair while complimenting my piercing gaze.

So many other instances ran through my mind with drugs fuzzing the details, but it had never been enough for me to completely retreat. Even with their help, I’d heard the moaning gasps that had revolved around the crimson color that earth and fire had blessed me with. Always, someone’s fingers had brushed the corner of my eyes, *eyes,* fucking EYES!

How often had my keepers caught me when I’d been trying to gouge them out? How often had someone forced me to face forward when I’d turned away from them?

Sucking in a hissing gasp, I sank into a crouch, battering my head with balled fists.

Why had I thought this was a good idea? It hurt. Nothing wrong with my body but a ripping ache spread through me with the emergence of each repressed memory. Cracks radiated through me, meeting a violently turbulent energy inside, and for a moment or an eternity, I thought I’d shatter, leaving messy chunks splattered where I’d been standing.

It faded. Slowly. The well of my trauma eventually ran dry—for now—and when I could, I lifted my face off of my knees.

I was huddled on a roof. With no memory of making the climb to get here, I might have found the sudden view from this height starling if I hadn’t been so wrung dry.

As I got to my feet, Zhao stopped beside me, magically appearing from wherever he’d been hiding.

“An operative team reached Taro an hour ago,” he said. “When they dragged him out of the house, I couldn’t tell if he was breathing, but they did take him with them. In case you wanted to know.”

Why would I? Too busy with poking through what the flood of memories had left behind, I couldn’t be bothered with the brothel guild’s chairman.

What had happened to me? I felt…

Turning to me, Zhao asked, “Are you ready to go?”

And another memory, one that had never been repressed, rushed like a slap into my mind.

*My foreman has called me off the line.*

*What have I done wrong this time? I know I’ve been distracted lately, something that’s usually fatal for a steam rat, but they should have expected nothing less. The only person who’d given my life meaning is gone.*

*As I approach him, my foreman is speaking with a stranger, and this new man doesn’t belong to the steamworks. He’s too clean, too well-dressed, but once I’ve come close enough, I’m taken aback to hear him using the guttural slang that we steam rats use.*

*“-just uh smohl chat, yeah? Got ta coin ya want. Five minutes.”*

*He flourishes his hands with something glinting between his fingers, and my foreman, who has a scowl etched in place, makes a swipe for it. The stranger pulls away before that hand comes anywhere close to what he’s holding.*

*“Nuh-uh,” he says. “Chat first. Then paid. Yeah?”*

*With his scowl deepening, my foreman nods, and glaring at me, he stomps away.*

*The rations token that the stranger was holding vanishes, and he turns to me with his arms folded behind his back, but I can read nothing from him. He’s giving me the blankest presentation I’ve ever seen.*

*“I hear you know our new emperor,” he says with his diction and inflection suddenly perfect.*

*Bristling, I growl, “Wot’s it tu ya?”*

*The stranger huffs, lifting his eyes to the stone above.*

*“Stop with the trash talk, please,” he says. “I know you can speak properly.”*

*With previously buzzing nerves now jangling, I go still.*

*“What do you want?” I carefully ask.*

*He can’t know where I came from, can he?*

*“Same as what I offered that other gentleman. A service—in this case, provided information—in exchange for coin,” the stranger says. “You knew our emperor before earth and fire blessed him. Don’t bother with denying this. I’ve heard about it from multiple sources. I want to know any dirty, little secrets you might have on him, anything I could hold over his head. In exchange, I’m offering you a substantial sum in addition to your immediate transfer to a less… dangerous guild.”*

*I don’t look at the rations token he’s surely flashing. I already have my answer.*

*“No.”*

*“No? Are you sure?” the stranger asks. “That was quite a quick decision for something this important.”*

*Showing him my teeth, I snarl, “How about no way, no how, not ever?”*

*Something twitches on the stranger’s face, and I get half a second to wonder what it is before he springs at me with his fist flying.*

*Fortunately, I’ve learned a few things while working in the steamworks and from… before, namely how to avoid blows intended for me. I duck the stranger’s punch, putting him between me and the nearby earth’s blood channel, but he follows me more quickly than I expected.*

*Backpedaling, I cross my arms in front of my face, hoping to catch the next blow there, but he’s no longer going for such an easy strike.*

*Air flees from me as his arms encircle my waist, and the next thing I know, I’m pinned to stone. Something horrid seizes control of my brain while a stranglehold on my throat makes my voice squeak.*

*“Let me go! Please. PLEASE! Get OFF of me!”*

*As I struggle for my freedom, the stranger pauses before bringing a blade’s edge to rest on my neck, and another ripple crosses over his face.*

*“Give me what I want, and I will,” he says. “Just tell me what I want to know.”*

*Betray Nokoribi?*

*For a brief, wild moment, I consider it. The panic inside of me is quickly turning me into an unreasoning animal, but I cling to who I am enough to remember why my friend is all I care for in this world.*

*“N-no!” I say with my teeth chattering. “Threaten me all you want! Kill me if you must, but you can’t. make. me. talk!”*

*I’m screaming by the time I’m done, but rather than raging at me, as I expected, the stranger smiles.*

*“Good,” he says.*

*Flowing to his feet, he offers me his hand.*

*“I’m sorry, Amari Kasai. I had to know how deeply your loyalty runs,” he says. “Deeper than mine, apparently.”*

*Ignoring his hand, I rise to my elbows, glaring at him.*

*“What do you want?” I snap. “Who are you?”*

*Seeing that I won’t accept his offered help up, the stranger straightens.*

*“I’m Imada Zhao, the bodyguard for our late emperor and temporary protector of our new one,” he says, “and I’m here to offer you my position.”*

*Keeping my eyes fixed on this enigma, I get to my feet.*

*“Why should I believe you?” I ask. “You could be an enemy, parading as an ally for all I know. Prove what you’re saying.”*

*With a slight smile, Zhao says, “That suspicion will serve you well. As for proof, our new emperor bid me to tell you, one more week’.”*

*At that, my breath catches.*

*When I can, I whisper, “‘ribi…”*

*He remembered me.*

*“Our new emperor also bid me to demonstrate what this offered role will entail,” Zhao says. “If you’ll follow me?”*

*He strides off, and I trot behind him, lost in the warmth of what he said. Even after becoming the emperor, even with how busy he must be, my best friend thought of me. I don’t know what to do with this giddiness inside of me.*

*Zhao waves to my foreman, who’s not far ahead.*

*“Ya got ma coin?” the man calls, ambling toward us.*

*“Indeed,” Zhao says. “You should be honored. Even as busy as he's been, the emperor has taken the time to tell me all about you.”*

*Slowing down, my foreman drawls, “Wot…?*

*“In fact, he’s shared how you’ve been withholding ration tokens from your steam rats, among other abuses of power, all to meet your quota,” Zhao continues. “All very illegal. All something your guild chairman should have handled himself, but not to worry. He’ll soon be replaced.”*

*As he was speaking, a chill has filled me, but my foreman only looks confused.*

*“Wot ya talking bout?” he says.*

*They meet with maybe a meter left between them, and Zhao leans forward.*

*“Your payment by royal decree,” he says.*

*And he slits my foreman’s throat, clean and precise, with no blood landing on him. As my foreman clutches his neck and collapses, Zhao spins to me. I watch him come, preparing to run if needed.*

*When he reaches me, Zhao says, “This is what the emperor has offered you: a life of callous death and prioritization of his life and strength above all things. If you have any wish for happiness, I’d advise for you to refuse.”*

*I never had a choice.*

*“Does ‘ribi need me?” I ask.*

*Again, the blank mask opposite me twitches.*

*“Unfortunately, yes,” Zhao says.*

*“Then, I accept the offer,” I say. “I assume you’ll be shoving me everything I’ll need to know before you inevitably disappear. So, do I call you Zhao?”*

*To my great surprise, I manage to coax a laugh from this inscrutable man.*

*“You may call me* maiyaru, *and I will call you* ko, *as is tradition,” he says. “Now, I assume you don’t have much from here that you’ll want to keep. Are you ready to go?”*

*I glance at the corpse behind him along with the earth’s blood channel that’s always called my name. Am I ready to escape this place?*

*“Yes.”*

Zhao might have gray in his hair now, and I might know him better than I had that day, but he was still the same man.

Or that was what I was trying to tell myself. In reality, the old man beside me was very different from the person I’d known. When it came to preserving life, he didn’t act quite as indifferently as he had during my training, and now, he gave kindness to the downtrodden, where once he’d spat on them. In small ways, he’d become as much of a mystery to me now as he had been back then.

And on a similar subject, where had Zhao gone after his retirement? To his home, where he’d been illegally growing food, obviously, but… why?

He, Nokoribi, and I had once made a force to be reckoned with, a family in all but name, but one day, he’d disappeared, and Nokoribi had always refused to explain it to me, no matter how much I’d pestered him about it.

Since meeting with Zhao again, I’d held this question close to my heart, afraid of what the answer might be, but perhaps I should ask it now. I’d been so hollowed-out by repressed memories that only the rampant energy inside, a gift of my manifestations, was keeping me upright. Any answers that Zhao might give couldn’t hurt me.

So…

“Why did you leave?” I asked. “We were happy, of a sort. Yes, court intrigue was a trial from time to time, but we dealt with it, as a fa-”

For a moment, I choked on that word before clearing my throat.

“As a family,” I said. “So, why did you abandon us? Was it something that one of us did?”

Zhao, obviously having expected a simple yes or no to his question from earlier, coughed, staring at me with his mouth gaping.

“Nokoribi didn’t tell you why?” he asked.

“No. If anything, he avoided answering me when I asked about it.”

“Son of a-”

With his gazed turned to the sky, Zhao shook his head.

“He was supposed to tell you,” he said. “I’m sorry, *ko.* I thought you knew.”

With a shrug, I said, “It’s fine. I’ve learned that ‘ribi kept a lot from me, despite what I thought. Just tell me why now.”

Shifting in place, Zhao crossed his arms.

“The simple reason? I’d gotten too old to serve as the head of Nokoribi’s intelligence network. I wasn’t fast or fit enough to be an operative anymore,” he said. “The long answer? Nokoribi wanted a question answered, and he set his best resource on completing that task.”

“And what question did ‘ribi want answered so badly that he relied on you for it?” I asked.

Rolling his head toward me, Zhao asked, “Did Nokoribi ever talk about learning the truth with you?”

Thank earth and fire that all emotion had been squeezed from me, otherwise shock might have sent me crashing into the roof tiles below.

“Those were his last words to me,” I whispered. “Find the truth, K.”

That was a *bit* of a paraphrase, but Zhao didn’t need to know that.

“Did you ever learn what he meant?” I continued.

“No,” Zhao said. “For years, I’ve experimented with what the essences of strength and weakness could be, but I’m no closer to a definition than I was at the beginning.”

Of course. Gaining a resolution for anything in my life had never been easy. Why should I expect this to be any different?

“That’s too bad,” I said before making a face. “You should go home, *maiyaru.* I’ll be here for a while, and Brennan will need help with Himi soon.”

Stiffening, Zhao said, “I can’t leave you alone, most blessed.”

*“Maiyaru,”* I interrupted with a sigh, “if I’m to be the next emperor, as you insist, then I’m the most capable one that Hiyuki’s seen in centuries, when it comes to defending myself at least. I can handle a few hours alone. Please. Give me this before tomorrow.”

Tomorrow, when the throne and everything associated with it would be thrust upon one of those contending for it.

Before this plea, Zhao wilted.

“Fine,” he said. “I expect you back at base before sundown, or I’ll go out looking for you.”

“I’ll be back long before then,” I promised.

Biting his lip, Zhao examined me for a long moment before releasing a breath.

“Be safe, *ko,”* he said.

Once he’d vanished, I sank to the roof tiles. Absently, I retrieved Brennan’s tube, intending to fix the restless energy inside of me before it took over, and as I did that, I let a numbing blanket recede, examining each state that its removal revealed.

I fit what I’d become into the frame that had been Amari Kasai.

This took me longer than I’d thought it would. I sat on a rooftop, high above Takanai, until the sun dipped below the horizon.

# Chapter Twenty-Two

When I eventually returned home, I stopped a frantic Zhao from making an unnecessary trip to find me before deciding that following him through his front door wasn’t a good idea. Better to avoid Himi right now. She was no doubt hurting and could use the company but…

For once, I chose to be completely selfish, taking care of my own issues before tackling someone else’s.

The climb to my bedroom window took almost no effort, and hanging from its sill, I finagled a thin piece of hooked steel between glass panes until its latch came undone. Climbing inside, I frowned. The creak of my bed’s slats was all that warned me to duck.

Something whistled over my head, and I scurried to reach the more stable footing of the floor. A blur followed me with its fingers jabbing into my unprotected side. Whirling, I slapped that hand down and smiled on seeing a familiar form in the dark.

Brennan swung at my face, a quick one-two punch combination that I easily countered. In the faint glow of moonlight and flames, I spotted the resulting upturned corners of her mouth, and her approval warmed me. I delivered my own punch toward her chest with another fist flying for her jaw, but she stepped back, avoiding both blows.

Pressing my advantage, I continued pushing her toward the bed. Once or twice, she tried to dart around me, but I was always there to stop her, always a step faster, and having seen her move before, I knew that shouldn’t be possible. It was like she *wanted* me to herd her right now.

The backs of her legs hit the side of my bed, and with a dramatized ‘oops’, she toppled onto it. I dove after her, pressing her into the mattress, and with no small amount of surprise, I found myself drawn forward, if not by her hands.

Our lips touched. I froze.

What was I doing?

Still, no revulsion sprang from the depths of me, although the desperate need that most people insisted came with a kiss didn’t plague me either. Instead, comfort flowed through me, one that was slightly different from when I conformed my body to hers. Even still, it was just as pleasant, and I relaxed into it.

After a moment, Brennan tapped on my back, and I sprang onto my elbows.

“Oh, hell. I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t know what came over me-”

“It’s fine, K,” Brennan said with a soft laugh. “I liked it. Just went on for a bit too long.”

“Oh.”

And… why exactly was I having so much trouble with my words right now?

Shaking myself, I said, “Shit! I can get off of you if it’s too much-”

She folded her arms around my waist, stopping me from moving.

“It’s ok, and you’re ok,” she said. “For once, my skin’s not crawling. I must have gotten comfortable enough with you for that little curse to quit.”

“Still. I’ll just-”

Escaping from her hold, I rolled to lie properly on the bed with Brennan crawling to rest her head on my shoulder.

After a moment, I asked, “How’s Himi?”

“Not great. She’s using her new quest to stave of… everything,” Brennan said.

Her new quest.

“Did she give you any clues about what she means to do?” I asked.

“Not a one. She’s been very quiet,” Brennan said, “but we can deal with that in the morning. How was your chat with Taro?”

I ‘d known that question and everything it implied had been coming, but still, I didn’t have an answer for it. I couldn’t easily put what had happened into words, but sharing it with Brennan had been all I’d wanted to do since descending from a rooftop.

As she massaged my scalp in a soothing, repetitive manner, I gathered my thoughts, struggling to put them into order.

“It didn’t fix me like I’d hoped, but looking at it now, I don’t think that part of me will ever fully heal,” I said. “It is, however, a part of me, one I shouldn’t deny anymore, and acknowledging that has given me more peace than I’ve experienced in a long time. So, I guess it helped.”

Brennan spread her hand on my chest, and I watched it rise and fall. Proof that I was alive.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. “I know how hard it must have been.”

Wincing, I set aside the memory of me on a roof, too caught in my pain to scream.

“It wasn’t pleasant,” I said, “but in the long run, I know that what I’ve gained from it will be worth the pain it caused.”

We were quiet for a long time while yellow moonlight mixed with the fiery glow splashing over us from my eyes. Drifting in safety and warmth, I almost fell asleep, but when Brennan propped her head up on her hand, I dragged myself out of my exhaustion.

“So, K, once nameless bodyguard to a nameless emperor. Your revenge is complete,” she said. “How does it feel? And when would you like to leave this wacky iteration?”

I hadn’t considered it fully, but she was right. I’d accomplished everything I’d set out to do.

Shouldn’t this make me happier? And why hadn’t the thought occurred to me until now?

“I’m glad that a threat to the empire has been eliminated, but that’s all I feel,” I said. “I never expected revenge to cure my grief or send me over the moon with happiness. That’s just naïve but this…”

Brennan let me think, resting her chin on my chest so she could watch me with glittering eyes.

“I suppose at some point, what I sought became not so much vengeance or justice for ‘ribi but securing my home from what was threatening it,” I continued, “and yes, finishing my part of that quest gives me a sense of satisfaction, but my part was only a small piece of the whole, Himi’s quest will encompass the rest, and… I can’t leave Hiyuki until I’ve helped her reach its end.”

Shifting, Brennan asked, “Why are you so concerned about that girl? Not too long ago, you wanted to rip her limb from limb."

How could I explain away that change? How did I justify why Himi continued to breathe while Sunada, the only reason I'd left the girl alive, was dead?

It couldn’t just be because I hoped to have her fill a role I didn’t want. That didn’t explain how much I was worrying about her now, as she dealt with a murder on her conscience, or why I, in a way, had tried to dissuade her from taking the throne earlier. So, what did?

“It’s ok if you don’t know,” Brennan said.

“No, I do. It’s simply not the most logical reason in the world,” I said, “which isn’t like me.”

Chuckling, Brennan said, “You’ve been doing a lot of things recently that I’d never have expected from the man I first met.”

“True,” I said. “Ok. Someone told me earlier today that HImi reminds me of ‘ribi and myself, and she does… or did. That cheerful demeanor that you’ve found so annoying over the last few days? It matches my friend’s temperament, and besides that, there’s just something about her…”

I didn’t know how to explain it. When I looked at Himi, something spawned a sense of familiarity. Recognition of Nokoribi.

“And someone used her in one of the worst ways possible, like me,” I said. “I understand what that’s like. The self-loathing and questioning of how you could let someone do that to you. The shame. The intense desire to repair the damage done. Her pain resonates with mine, and for some unexplainable reason, that negates the fact that she killed my friend. It makes no sense whatsoever, but when I think of Himi, the world ‘murderer’ doesn’t spring to mind. Instead, I want to protect her. I want to help her escape the pit she’s trapped in and…

“Earth and fire, listen to me. I’m not making any sense.”

Straddling my waist, Brennan took hold of my head so I couldn’t break her gaze.

“You’re making perfect sense, Kasai,” she said. “This, looking past people’s crimes to who they truly are and *forgiving* them? That is one of the highest forms of strength, and I love you for it.”

“Then, why are you crying?” I asked.

Wiping a spattered droplet off of my cheek, I raised my finger toward her, and she laughed, rubbing her eyes.

“Because I’m happy, silly,” she said.

“This is the strangest way of expressing happiness that I’ve ever seen.”

When I rubbed my fingers together, Brennan swatted my shoulder.

“Oh, stop.”

She rolled to her former position with her head on my shoulder and her body nestled against mine.

“I understand why people back home get so obsessed with romance now,” she murmured.

Unsure what that meant, I made no reply, but Brennan didn’t seem to mind. I lay beside a woman I could touch, soaking in the most fulfilling sense of contentment that I’d experienced in my life, and quickly fell asleep.

For the first time in days, I slept without dreams while Growth and Decay ceased their yammering in my head. For the first time in days, I woke up without a mashed-to-mush brain, and my screaming didn't Brennan out of her dreams.

Instead, she was lying in the same position as she had been last night, drooling on my shirt. Biting my lip, I somehow kept from laughing at the sight of her, watching her until my pins-and-needles arm insisted that I relieve it. Slipping it out from under her, I headed downstairs.

When I entered the kitchen, I mumbled, “Morning.”

Covering a yawn, I trudged toward the kettle and cups, only to find that tea had already been made. After pouring some, I joined Zaho at the table before lifting my cup.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” Zhao drawled with a frown.

For a moment, he stared at me, clearly wanting to say something, and after a single, aborted attempt at it, he managed to speak up.

“You seem… different.”

“Happy, you mean? Yes. It’s been so long that happiness feels strange. I don’t know what to do with it,” I said. “Anyway, where’s Himi?”

Zhao looked like he wanted to discuss my aberrant behavior further, but fortunately, he let it go.

“She’ll be here,” he said. “When I woke her up this morning, she said something about needing our help before slamming the door in my face. I gather that she’s preparing for the day.”

“And you don’t think she might have lied to you?” I said. “She tried that tactic often enough when I was acting as her warden.”

“Forgive me, most blessed, but does it matter?” Zhao asked. “If she leaves us and gets herself proclaimed empress or killed, it’s to our advantage, and if she stays, well. That’s another chip to play in this high-stakes pechet game.”

Wincing, I lowered my cup to the tabletop.

“Too hot,” I said under my breath, “and stop it with the ‘most blessed’ thing. It’s too early in the morning.”

“As you say.”

Rolling my eyes, I scooted toward the end of the bench.

“I’ll check on Himi anyway,” I said. “Whatever you may think of her, I want her with us. So, excuse me while I make sure she hasn’t run off.”

“No need.”

After turning to the kitchen door, I ducked into a lower profile, going for my pistol, because what I’d seen there was clearly a threat. My hand, however, only encountered air—had Brennan removed my weapons while I’d been sleeping?—and the woman in the room’s threshold grinned, one that was so predatorily cold that it made me shiver.

In the next moment, however, I recognized the woman as Himi, which let me relax to a degree, but she’d changed. She’d cut her hair to fall at her jawline, shaping It into a severe hairstyle that accented her sharp features, and her typically plain shirt and loose pants had been swapped for something else.

She was wearing a coat with its paneled tails falling to the back of her knees while its collar reached for her cheeks. Keeping it closed over her shirt, a gold-embroidered belt rested at her waistline, and badges, fairly accurate copies of what soldiers in Hiyuki’s army wore, capped her shoulders.

Beneath the jacket, loose pants hung from her hips, flaring over boots that had clearly once been a steam rat’s, but in this context, they looked less work-appropriate and more…. fierce.

And everywhere, I saw buckles, so many that I wasn’t sure what they could be securing. The ensemble might have looked ridiculous if it hadn’t been on her.

Because despite her attention-garnering clothing, Himi’s eyes were still what captured the breath and mind. With kohl outlining them, they were blazing—a fire that somehow chilled—with a look of detached disapproval that I’d only seen from one other person before.

They distracted me so much that for a moment, I missed the dagger she was holding. For a moment, she ran her fingers on the flat of its blade. Then, she swatted it against her palm before entering the kitchen, and as she joined us, I forced myself to stay still.

“For shame, Kasai, “she said. “One should never go unarmed, not even in a safe place like this.”

She slammed her dagger’s point into the tabletop, meeting each of our eyes, and I licked my lips. This, the picture of Hiyukian strength standing in front of me, was exactly the sort of person I was most afraid of Himi falling toward.

When her fingers slipped off of the dagger, however, the girl spun with a giggle before resting one hand on her hip.

“What do you think?” she chirped. “Last night, I spent hours gathering the pieces and practicing the right tone. Decay helped with that. It’s the first time that asshole’s been useful. So? Will it work as a disguise?”

“A… disguise?” I repeated.

My mind couldn’t handle the image of the bubby girl I knew in the clothing of the severe woman I’d just met.

“Of course, silly,” Himi said.

Leaning on the table, she poked my nose while popping her lips.

“If I *am* to become the empress, I should learn how to play the part,” she said. “I know that question has yet to be answered, but I needed something to do last night to keep my mind off of things.”

She made a face.

“So. How’d I do?”

“Uh…” I managed to say.

So eloquent but I couldn’t seem to marshal my tongue.

“Himi! You got new clothes!” Brennan exclaimed from the door.

Scampering to the girl, Brennan took her shoulder, turning her this way and that to get a better look. After a quick scan, she twirled her finger.

“Spin for me.”

After Himi had done so, Brennan gave her a sharp nod before spreading an invisible skirt in a curtsy.

“Most blessed,” she said.

“So, it looks right for the role?” Himi asked.

“Oh, most definitely,” Brennan said. “While you’re wearing that, no one will question who you are. Right?”

She glared at me.

“You do look like an empress,” I said.

So, why was my stomach sinking into the earth’s depths?

“If you lot wouldn’t mind, we have a lot to discuss this morning,” Zhao gruffly said. “So, get some tea if you want, ladies, and sit down.”

Trust the old man to keep us on track.

Brennan and Himi made themselves tea or breakfast, as was their preference, before returning to the table, and once they’d gotten settled, all of my companions swung their gazes to me.

“What?” I said. “Is something wrong?”

“No, K,” Brennan said with a smile. “Only, you’ve taken the lead on our adventure to this point. You can’t abandon ship this far into it.”

This comment shifted the focal point to her.

“Abandon… ship?” I asked.

Groaning, Brennan said, “Right. Lava world. Probably doesn’t have large enough bodies of water to warrant ships, although that raises the question of where your empire gets enough water to survive.”

“Brennan.”

I loved how distracted she could get sometimes, but now wasn’t the best time for it.

“Ah. Yes. Sorry,” Brennan said with a cough. “What I meant by the phrase was that you can’t relinquish the role of leader yet, K.”

Of course I could, but I wasn’t planning to. And they knew it.

Taking a long sip of my tea, I ignored the eyes on me, enjoying a last moment of peace before assuming my responsibilities again. A sigh accompanied my cup’s trip back to the table’s surface.

“I started all of this with the sole goal of getting revenge for ‘ribi’s death, but over the last few days, that goal has shifted,” I said. “As I told Bren last night, I want to see our empire stable again.

“To that end, we’ve already accomplished a lot by defeating the conspiracy that killed ‘ribi, but we still have several problems to address. If they aren’t already doing it, the guilds will soon use their newfound freedom to better their individual causes without thought to Hiyuki as a whole, and the restless earth needs someone to calm it.

“If someone takes the throne, it would resolve those issues, even if that person will have to go in blind when it comes to communing with the earth. Ultimately, that’s our goal, and this morning, we’ll discuss our plan to achieve it.

“So, let’s start with Himi. You said you know what ‘ribi meant when he said ‘Their freedom is the only way to free us’. Care to explain?”

With my speech done, pressure was released from me. It, along with everyone’s’ gazes, turned instead to the girl among us with burning eyes.

# Chapter Twenty-Three

Himi didn’t seem to like how much attention we were paying her. Flinching, she drew her feet onto the bench, hugging her legs to her chest.

“I guess it’s my turn now,” she said into her knees. “Do you remember that sphere Sunada had? The one that played music?”

When she glanced up at me, I nodded.

“It seemed like it almost… took control of you?” I said. “Is that right?”

Because that had seemed… strange. Could an object like that control a human being?

“It’s that ‘something from before the birth of Hiyuki’ that Asshole One mentioned before, remember?” Himi said. “I asked those two about it last night. They tried to explain it, but I didn’t understand much. Too many strange words, like ‘operant conditioning’ and ‘overriding executive control’.

“But yeah. Sunada used that… thing to control me, both yesterday and- and on the day I killed *gidae.* It implanted that murderous impulse in me, made me forget about her. It also made me forget a few of the visits that I’d had with *gidae* when I was younger, and when I smashed the damn thing, all of that came back, including… including…”

Swallowing, she met each of our eyes.

“I know how to commune with the earth now.”

I couldn’t move. Had I heard that right? One of the problems I’d been worrying about had a solution, and it had been handed to us so easily. How was that possible?

No. Better question.

*“How do you know?”* I asked.

Had Nokoribi shared that secret with Himi when he’d visited her, part of the knowledge that she’d lost?

Before Himi could answer my question, Brennan lifted an arm in front of her, as if shielding her.

“K. Don’t you think she should share *what* she knows rather than how she knows it?” she asked. “You nearly lost this information once. Wouldn’t spreading knowledge of it beyond a single person be wise? Sure, that might break tradition but…”

Shrugging, she gestured at the people gathered around the table, and I slowly let out a breath. She was right on both counts. This group had already twisted so many of Hiyuki’s customs that it made my head hurt. Why not break another one now, especially when doing it made so much sense? If only for that, I could put aside my other questions for Himi, at least for now.

“Go ahead,” I said. “Ho does one calm down a world?”

“First.”

Turning to Brennan, Himi laid a hand on top of hers.

“Have you heard the tale of our empire’s founding?” she asked.

Nodding, Brennan said, “Yes.”

“So, you know that centuries ago, Emperor Mok and his advisor met with two of Calig and Lumin’s representatives,” Himi said. “Well, those representatives weren’t exactly… human.”

Desperately clinging to her legs once more, she met and held my gaze.

“Their followers called Them Growth and Decay.”

The voices. They’d been around for *that long?* How had They gone from physical representatives, as They’d been in the stories, to powerless voices in people’s heads?

“God damnit.”

With a groan, Brennan collapsed, thudding her head on the table’s surface.

“I should have known the fucking aspects would be involved,” she said.

Frowning at her, I said, “Aspects?”

“Yeah. The many different parts of Calig and Lumin,” Brennan said with her voice muffled. “Because it’s not enough that reality is dependent on those two cranky forces of nature to exist. No, pieces of them have to wander around the iterations too, wreaking their own havoc.”

With my mouth open, I tried to follow along with what Brennan had said. Truly, I did, but…

No. I was as lost as I had been in Alouin’s pocket world.

“What-?” I started.

Shooting upright from the table, Brennan clasped her hands in front of her face.

“Look. All you need to know is that your ‘Growth’ and ‘Decay’ are pieces of Calig and Lumin that have been made manifest on our physical plane,” she said. “Aspects like them rarely have the power to cross into our sphere of reality, but it happens on occasion, usually in iterations that have been in disbalance for a while. Based on the many wars in Hiyuki’s origin story, I’d say this iteration once existed in that state.

“So. What I’m saying is that centuries ago, your Emperor Mok and my Alouin met up with two god-like beings, disguising themselves as representatives for their greater ‘wholes’.”

After a beat of quiet, Zhao said, “That lines up with the more obscure references to the tale. Remember, *ko?”*

Nodding, I focused on keeping my breathing even.

*You put pieces of a GOD in me?* I shouted in my head.

And for once, the voices responded.

*THREADS of gods with the focus being on how there are TWO of us,* Growth grumbled. *But yes.*

*Aren’t you lucky?* Decay chirped.

*Lucky is one world for it,* I growled.

Wincing, I rose from the table while lifting a finger to the others around it. After refilling drinks, I placed one in Himi’s waiting hands before cupping my own.

“Fascinating as that distraction was, Bren, I don’t think Himi has finished with her explanation,” I said. “Care to continue?’

With her feet slipping to the floor, Himi eagerly leaned forward.

“So, the official story about this meeting involves a bunch of mystical gibberish, right?” she said. “What actually happened was a fight between these representatives and the emperor’s advisor, the likes of which Hiyuki’s unlikely to see again.

“In the end, though, the advisor gained the advantage, and with his strange magic, he banished Growth and Decay to a prison he’d built for Them. This drained him all the way through death’s door, but he’d already done his part. It was Mok’s turn.

“With magic that his advisor had given him before the meeting, he stepped through the Gateway, which is a door to Growth and Decay’s prison. There, he negotiated with Them.

“He quickly established that however their talk turned out, Growth and Decay would be enjoying a long-term stay in Alouin’s prison to ward off Their cohorts. Maybe more of those aspects you were mentioning, Bren? The idea was that those two would stay in place until Lumin and Calig eventually lost interest in our world.

“Mok did, however, offer Growth and Decay a compromise. In exchange for Their cooperation, They could implant threads of Themselves into a person of Their choosing. Through this person, They’d gain a taste of the outside world, and that person would, in turn, gain the power needed to visit Growth and Decay’s prison.

“For, you see, in order to contain two god-like beings, Mok’s advisor had chosen to build his prison somewhere that Growth and Decay would find nearly impossible to escape. In addition, it would require a vast amount of energy to maintain. So, much like we use steam to generate electricity today, he harnessed the fire in our world’s heart to power his prison, solving both of those problems.”

“Holy. Shit.”

Again, Brennan interrupted Himi’s explanation, but from how pale she’d gone, it might be for a good reason this time.

“Are you telling me that Alouin built a prison for aspects, one where they’d be held prisoner for an indefinite length of time, in a planet’s *core?”* she squeaked. “Oh, hell. Oh, *hell.* How many times have I insulted that bastard? God, look! I just did it again!”

With a gasp, she ran her fingers through her hair, all while muttering under her breath.

“Ok. Calm down. Maybe he doesn’t know what his copy did in this iteration. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he does. Not that he needed to know about that detail to know how *god damn powerful* he is. Thank all that’s holy that he needs me. I- I-”

Scrabbling at Himi, she clawed her way free of the table before shooting out the door, leaving us staring after her with quizzical expressions in place.

After a moment, Himi said, “Is she ok? I didn’t mean to upset her.”

“She’s fine. I think. She did something similar once, in the week before she brought Kasai home,” Zhao said. “She called it a… panic attack, I believe.”

“Maybe I should check on her,” I said.

Waving at me, Zhao said, “Don’t bother. She’ll return soon enough, wanting to pretend it didn’t happen. While we wait, we should continue with this tale. Brennan can catch up easily enough; I’m sure. So, Himi, is that what communing with the earth involves? Visiting this prison?”

I wasn’t sure if ignoring Brennan’s obvious distress was the right call. How many times had she been there for me when I’d had a low moment? And I was just supposed to… let this go?

But Zhao looked determined to move on. Sitting ramrod straight with his hands folded in front of him, he lifted one finger out of that bundle to tap it on the table.

“Himi?”

Rapidly blinking, the girl jerked her eyes away from the door Brennan had disappeared through.

“Umm… mostly yes,” she said. “The prison also needs regular maintenance , though, otherwise our world would become unstable.”

Seemingly recentered, she rested her elbows on the table, fixing me and Zhao with her gaze.

“I don’t think you’re getting it, though. *Gidae* told me, ‘Their freedom is the only way to free us’.”

And the pieces clicked into place.

“You think he meant freeing Growth and Decay,” I said.

Nodding, Himi said, “I do. I’ll explain that more fully in a minute, but first, I have to go on a bit of a tangent.

“A few years ago, a new movement started making waves in Takanai. They call themselves For the People, and their primary objective is to establish something they call ‘democracy’, a system where the average Hiyukian can choose their leader, over what we currently have in place. Perhaps you’ve heard of them?”

Huffing, I crossed my arms.

“I stopped quite a few of their assassins from murdering ‘ribi, so yes, I know about them,” I said. “What do they have to do with this?”

“Their leader is one of the people who’s been blessed with a night inhabited by Growth and Decay, but unlike most people, she understood their nonsensical chatter when They visited,” Himi said. “She’s made it her personal mission to help Them, and to do that, she thought she needed to remove Their warden—the emperor—from the picture. Thank goodness those two met before anything truly disastrous could occur between them. Good on you for keeping *gidae* alive until that could happen, though, Kasai.”

Absently, I nodded my acceptance of her gratitude. This part of her explanation lined up with everything I knew. While the assassination attempts made by Free the People had never stopped over the years, they’d certainly reached their peak a while ago.

And considering everything else I’d recently learned about Nokoribi, it didn’t surprise me in the slightest to find out he’d been meeting with the mastermind of those assassins.

“Over the course of their association, *gidae* came to agree with the leader of For the People, and together, they hatched a plan,” Himi continued. “During his next communion with the earth, *gidae* would free Growth and Decay, rather than performing maintenance on Their prison, as he should.

“Unfortunately for us all, he forgot something essential that would prevent him from acting on his plan, something that would vex him for years. As Growth and Decay’s host, They’d placed threads of Themselves in him, yes? Not only was that part of Their original agreement with Mok, the only tolerable part of Their imprisonment, but to survive standing in the Assholes’ prison, he needed those threads as well. If he’d held anything less than what he had of them over the years, he'd have been incinerated within seconds of his first communion with the earth.

“And this was a problem because despite how advanced Growth and Decay’s prison is, it has one flaw. It identifies its prisoners by detecting traces of those beings’ ‘essences’, and that includes the threads They place in Their hosts. So, while he could walk around in the prison, perform maintenance on it, and eventually leave the place after each communion, *gidae* could never hope to open the locks on Their cell doors because the prison would register it as Them trying to escape.

“It was a conundrum, one *gidae* puzzled over-”

She continued speaking, but I couldn’t hear her over the sudden ringing in my ears. I watched Himi talk, watched Zhao listen to her, and badly wished that Brennan had been here too because knowing what I did now, I needed the simple comfort of holding her hand.

After a painfully drawn-out moment, that ringing lessened, letting Himi’s voice crawl back into intelligibility.

“-Morihei,” she was saying.

Shaking my head, I said, “Sorry. Could you repeat that last part for me, please?”

“Sure!” Himi said with a grin. “I said that Morihei leads For the People. Is that so surprising?”

Chuckling, I dropped my face into my hands, rubbing my temples with my pointer fingers.

“Not at all,” I breathed.

It made perfect sense, even. No wonder she and Nokoribi had always been so friendly with one another, more so than he typically was with the people who assisted with his… nightly activities. No wonder she’d been so reluctant to help me on my path of revenge, refusing to give up Himi or her home’s location.

“See?” Himi said. “Now, like I was saying, *gidae* and Morihei came to trust one another over the years of their mutual struggle. So, when I was born, he brought me to her.”

*This* was enough to drag me out of lingering lethargy.

“Wait. No offense, Himi, but why would ‘ribi have had anything to do with you, especially as a baby?” I said. “That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

He’d never enjoyed being around kids and… I still hadn’t figured out why my best friend had spent so much time with Himi, a seemingly random girl living her life in a seemingly random location. Sure, she was a piece of the conspiracy he’d been investigating, and yes, he must have learned that she would be his successor soon after meeting her, but everything Himi had shared about her *‘gidae’* implied that their relationship had been rather more complex than one between either an emperor and his potential assassin or him and his heir.

Shrugging, Himi said, “I’m not sure either. Maybe I was one of his friends’ kids? A child is a vulnerability, right? One that someone’s enemies can use to threaten an emperor with. I always assumed I came from someone who was too close to the throne because of that.”

That… could be it but-

“‘ribi didn’t have any friends, especially after earth and fire favored him,” I said. “Well, except for me.”

And I most definitely wouldn’t have had the chance or inclination to procreate over the years.

In the doorway, Brennan sighed, long and loud, and I barely kept myself from slumping into the bench. She was ok…

“Oh, come on. I thought after last night…” she said before shaking her head. “Are you telling me that you, his best friend, *still* haven’t figured it out?”

Stroking my hair as she passed, Brennan stopped beside Himi. I tried not to wince once she’d removed her touch.

“There’s a simple reason why your friend was concerned with a seemingly random child,” she said before nudging Himi. “Show him the photo, sweetie.”

“Photo?” Zhao said with a wrinkled brow.

“It’s a new technology, like your motorcars,” Brennan snapped. “Now, hush.”

Reaching into her coat, Himi withdrew a folded piece of stiff paper. She smoothed it on the tabletop before sliding it to me.

When I saw the drawing on it, my breath caught. A perfect representation of Nokoribi was staring up at me, and with a closing throat, I brushed my thumb along it.

A familiar woman was sitting beside my friend, someone I’d snuck into the palace far more often than I should have in years past, but her presence beside my friend hardly registered. I hadn’t seen Nokoribi since…

“Whe-?”

Clearing my throat, I tried again.

“Where did you get this?”

*“Gidae* gave it to me,” Himi said.

Why… would he do that?

Gently taking the photo from me, Brennan held it up beside Himi’s face.

“Notice anything?” she asked.

As I darted my eyes between the photo and the girl, my frown flattened while my eyes went wide, and seeing my reaction for the realization that it was, Brennan snapped the photo closed before handing it to Himi.

“That’s right,” she said. “She’s his daughter.”

Halfway through tucking the photo back into her jacket, Himi went perfectly still, and through my steadily encroaching brain fog, I latched onto a single question. Had she meant to keep this secret from us? How- how could she-?

“You have *got* to be kidding me,” Zhao growled opposite me. “That irresponsible little… I told him-”

With a huff, he took his turn with storming out of the room, but I barely noticed this. I was floating somewhere outside of my body, waiting for the next blow to land. I’d been so happy this morning, and now, I was- I was-

*Enough with the personal drama,* the voices boomed in my head. *You know what needs to happen now. Come free us.*

Enough force had lain behind those words that I crumpled to the tabletop with a groan. I heard Brennan hurrying off with a curse, but my world had become the matching, fiery gaze lying opposite m, the one whose owner had committed patricide. For someone who could commit such a heinous crime, Himi looked strangely… empty.

Brennan helped me sit up, placing a cup in my hands, and as she did the same for Himi, I sipped from my tea. What would I do with this girl? Could I still forgive her, knowing what I did now?

“That one must have been bad,” Brennan said.

“It was just Growth and Decay, demanding Their freedom,” I said. “Their voices rang like a discordant bell, They were speaking so loudly.”

Himi still hadn’t moved, not even to drink her soothing tea. Was something wrong with her?

Did I still care?

*“Voices?”* Brennan shrieked. “No. Wait. Growth and goddamn Decay? *That’s* why you’ve been having those headaches lately?”

Oh… no.

“Yes,” I said, turning toward her.

Before I could finish moving, though, my head shot to the side with my cheek stinging, and when I managed a glare at her, Brennan was rubbing her palm.

“I get why women do that in TV shows back home now,” she hissed, “but that’s not important. You didn’t tell me about this? Why? And for the love of God, you’d better not say it was to protect me, K. I will go ballistic on your ass.”

“Why would I protect you? You don’t need it,” I said. “No, I thought the voices were a temporary problem. Why would I bother you with something I thought was so trivial, especially when it should have lasted a few weeks at most?”

With her foot rapidly tapping, Brennan was glaring daggers at me, and I could swear that I saw steam rising over her head. Why was she upset? Did she think I couldn’t handle this alone, as I’d already done? Or was she just worried?

“Change of plans. We’re leaving now,” Brennan said. “Hiyuki can sort itself out, which it can do just fine without you, K. Maybe if we get you far enough away from this iteration, Growth and Decay will lose interest in you.”

I couldn’t let that happen, no matter how much refusing her would break my heart.

“Why the rush?” I asked. “Surely one day’s delay won’t make a difference.”

Brennan swooped to get in my face.

“The last time I was so cavalier about a situation involving Lumin and Calig’s aspects, my best friend nearly froze to death after having to eat the corpse of a man I deeply respected,” she hissed. “Yes, a day, an *hour,* makes a goddamn difference.”

Raising my hands, I waited for her to give me space.

Once she had, I said, “All right. At least let me say goodbye to Himi and Zhao.”

Maybe I could sneak away while doing that…

“Where’s Himi?” I asked, after scanning the room.

Her place at the table was empty with all traces of her gone. Had she disappeared while Brennan had claimed all of my attention?

When she shrugged, I slapped my hands to my face, rubbing it.

“Zhao!” I shouted.

At that, the old man came running.

“Most-?” he started.

“Have you seen Himi?” I interrupted before he could get that annoying title out.

“Sure,” he said. “She just walked out the door, muttering something about freedom and worthlessness.”

“And you didn’t think that you should *stop her?”* I asked.

Shrugging, Zhao said, “There seemed to be little point. No matter that she’s Nokoribi’s daughter, she still killed…”

I tuned him out the moment before Brennan growled at him. Earth and fire, Himi meant to go through the Gateway! That must have been her plan yesterday as well.

Why would she do that, though? She couldn’t free Growth and Decay, not when she was already Their host. And even without considering that, the Gateway was in the palace. She’d have to go through that hostile place again, and after yesterday, she knew how difficult getting past the royal guard would be. She’d probably die in the attempt. So, why would she try something so hopeless?

Unless the ‘worthlessness’ Zhao had mentioned her saying had been directed at herself. Why would she think-?

For the second time today, my thoughts screeched to a stop.

“She didn’t know,” I mumbled.

Of *course* she hadn’t. Here, I’d been thinking she was a horrible person for what she’d done and- and-

“What was that, *ko?”* Zhao asked.

Still numb, I said in monotone, “Himi didn’t know that ‘ribi was her father.”

Any argument that might have been taking place between Zhao and Brennan came to a full stop, and I met her eyes.

“We just told her that she murdered her dad,” I whispered.

With her jaw setting, Brennan rushed past Zhao, marching for the door, and I was quick to follow her.

“Where are you two going?” Zhao called after us.

“To save an innocent killer,” I shouted over my shoulder.

It took a few seconds to come, but I smiled when I heard an exasperated groan chasing me out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

# Chapter Twenty-Four

In our room, Brennan threw her satchel over her shoulder, crossing her arms as she watched me gather my weapons. Was that bag all she’d need when heading into a probable battle?

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Looking away from me, Brennan said, “For what?”

“For not telling you about the voices,” I said. “I never should have kept any of it from you.”

Brennan sighed.

“It’s fine, K,” she said. “I understand why you kept it to yourself.”

Finished with arming, I took hold of her elbows.

“But do you, really?” i asked. “If we can’t catch up with Himi, which—let’s be honest—we won’t, we’re heading into danger. I don’t want to have this conflict lying between us when that happens.”

“No, I get it! I’m not mad. I promise,” Brennan said. “Although… earlier, when I was trying to get us away from Hiyuki, you seemed… more reluctant than I thought you’d be, and it reminded me of something that happened a few years ago…”

Turning to me, she bit her lip with her eyes crinkling.

“So, I have to ask, K. Are you planning on doing something stupid?”

Fortunately, the door slammed open at that moment with Zhao striding inside to open his safe, giving me time to think. After retrieving a few weapons, he closed it, looking up at us.

“What?” he snapped. “If we’re planning on catching that crazy girl, we need to leave now.”

He swept out of the room, but before I could follow him, Brennan pinched my arm.

“Promise me you’ll think hard before doing anything that might have serious consequences,” she said.

Oh, earth and fire. I- I couldn’t-

“Bren… I-”

*“Promise me,”* Brennan growled.

Wilting, I nodded, and taking my hand, Brennan kissed its palm before leading me out of our room.

“What’s the plan?” Zhao asked when we joined him. “Shall we try catching her before she reaches her goal?”

Damn, he’d sounded angry.

“That’s unlikely to succeed, don’t you think?” I said.

“Yes,” Zhao grumbled, “and honestly, I hope we don’t succeed with any of this.”

I could always use my *maiyaru’s* blade, no matter how much Zhao claimed his skills had dulled over the years, but putting up with his radiated disapproval over the next few hours might not be worth it.

As if reading my thoughts, Zhao said, “If this is your chosen course of action, most blessed, then I’ll follow it, no matter how foolish I think it is.”

“Oh hush, Zhao. We know how much you dislike Himi, although you’d think that would have changed, now that you know who she is,” Brennan snapped. “K, if we’re not planning to catch the silly girl on her way to the Gateway, I’m guessing we’ll intercept her there. So, where is it?”

Wincing, Zhao and I exchanged a glance.

“The palace,” he said.

Closing her eyes, Brenan made a face.

“Ok, then. How are we getting inside this time?” she asked. “Our last entry point’s no longer viable.”

“And the royal guard will be watching all of Nokoribi’s old bolt holes now,” Zhao added.

They looked to me for an answer, and I somehow stopped myself from grimacing. I knew that at least Zhao wouldn’t like what I had to say.

“We use the steamworks,” I said.

Over the last few days, I’d considered using that path as a means of ingress to the palace, all while hoping to never need it. Using it would be, after all, a last resort, but it seemed we’d entered that territory now.

“The steamworks. Of course,” Zhao blankly repeated. “That explains why you have *that* thing. I thought you were done with them.”

He pointed at the mask I was loosely holding.

“I didn’t think the steam rats would take kindly to this,” I said, waving at my face.

“This is a bad idea,” Zhao said.

Sighing, I said, “I know.”

“A *supremely* bad idea.”

*“Maiyaru,* I know,” I said, “but it’s the only one I have, and we can’t stand here, arguing about it. We need to go.”

Groaning, Zhao started double-checking his weapons, probably making sure he was properly outfitted for our new destination. Thank earth and fire that Brennan had decided not to protest the plan.

“I suppose today’s as good a day as any to die,” Zhao said under his breath.

I paused in reaching for the door with a wavering laugh shooting out of my mouth.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” I said.

The trip to the closest steamworks hub didn’t take long. Zaho might not live close enough to one for easy access to its provided electricity, but still, it wasn’t a far trek.

I unlocked the hub’s access ladder with relative ease, standing back to allow Zhao the honor of being the first down the hole, but I stopped Brennan before she could follow.

“Earth’s blood isn’t the only danger we’ll find in the steamworks,’ I said. “If you can help it, Bren, don’t interact with anyone we run into down there.”

Cocking her head, Brennan said, “You know I’ve been in your steamworks before, right? When I first arrived in Hiyuki?

“And how many people did you see there before you reached the surface?” I asked.

Brennan’s expression grew troubled.

“None,” she said.

“Exactly. It’s probably why you survived.”

I gestured for her to enter the hole before me, and once she had, I donned my mask before mounting the ladder.

Descending it brought back so many memories I’d rather forget. The dread that had come after a once-a-month visit to the surface. The determination to escape from my keepers in the brothel. The fear of missing a rung and slipping. The numbness found in what I’d thought would be my final escape.

The climb down seemed to last forever this time, a steady descent into the earth’s depths. Into Takanai’s underbelly.

I’d forgotten what it was like. How the narrow shaft’s walls seemed to breathe and draw ever closer to crushing you, or how the burn in your arms and calves signaled the halfway point.

I hoped Brennan wasn’t too unnerved by the experience. She’d seemed fine while we’d been in Nokoribi’s bolt hole, but this descent would take us deeper even than that. It had to if we were to reach the source of the steamworks’ power.

A steady glow began lighting the patches between the shaft’s sporadic gas lamps, and when I noticed this, my mood brightened as well.  
I’d hoped that this ladder would lead to an active earth’s blood channel. Finding one in the steamworks’ many abandoned paths would have been both time-consuming and potentially hazardous. Those dark tunnels were a favorite ambush site, ones that were only avoided with experience and care.

After springing off of a final rung, I massaged my arms while checking on Brennan’s state. She seemed unphased by the climb down, although sweat had soaked her clothes, making her skin glisten.

I was sure I looked much the same. Heat was oppressive in the steamworks, but what else should one expect when in such close proximity to earth’s blood?

“Oi, fresh meat in the spiff getup! Ya new foreman here.”

A beefy man, rippling with muscles, was sauntering toward us, scanning each of us in turn with coal eyes.

“Gah! Slim pickins I’m given. Uh, geezer, uh biddy, ‘nd uh-”

When he saw me, he cut off with his eyes widening, not that I could blame him. While Zhao had secreted his weapons in various hiding spots across his body, I’d openly displayed mine.

This combination was the best one to use when entering the steamworks: one person to ward away anyone who was looking for trouble and another to serve as a surprise for those who risked making trouble anyway. That, plus my mask, led to only one conclusion for a knowledgeable steam rat.

“Ya not fresh meant,” the foreman said.

“Give ta man uh prize, ma friends,” I said. “Smarta than he looks, this one.”

Slipping back into steam rat slang had come easier that I’d expected, like pulling on old shoes. The rush of nostalgia that accompanied it surprised me, though. Why would I miss anything about this place?

In front of me, the foreman had turned to stone with his fingers twitching.

“Wot’s ya biznis?” he stiffly asked.

“Ya guild chair got offed,” I said, as if that would explain everything.

“Ai,” the foreman said with a nod, “but let it stahp the engine? Not us. Work ‘til we drop, us rats.”

“I remember,” I whispered before switching to slang again. “Guilds want nu chair. My job ta see who best fills it. I’d like tu walk ta place, get ta rats a boss tu help them fa once.”

The foreman considered me as if unsure whether to believe what I’d said, let alone grant my request.

“Ya know ‘tis dangerous, yeah?” he asked.

With a chuckle, I said, “Steam rat me, years ago. I know ta rules.”

After one more scan of me, the foreman stepped aside, extending his hand toward the source of the glow around us.

“Me tu stahp uh guild rep?” he said. “Neva.”

Inclining my head to the foreman, I continued into the steamworks, but before completely passing the man, I asked the question that was most critical in this place.

“Source is?”

The foreman pointed, and raising my hand in thanks, I led my companions onward with them clustering around me.

“Source?” Brennan asked.

“Mt. Teisu. Getting lost is easy down here, so we use the mountain, the source of Takanai’s earth’s blood, as a reference point,” I said. “Any self-respecting steam rat should know what direction the source lies in once they reach a channel, but it’s a good idea to ask as soon as you finish your descent as well.

“Now, please, Keep your eyes open. I doubt anyone will harass us yet, but it pays to be prepared.”

As I’d said, no one bothered us as we approached the glow ahead, the only source of light beneath the earth. Plenty of steam rats stopped their work to stare as we passed, but those poor souls, nearly all of them black-eyed, quickly returned ot what they’d been doing once their fascination had faded.

Brennan did her best to remain attentive. I could tell, but several times, I caught her gawking at our surroundings.

To someone like her, this place must seem mesmerizing. The tubes running across the ceiling and floor with cables attached to them, the vats with their tapered tops, the wheels and gears. It must look like an intricate system of mysterious design.

I knew what each of them did, of course. Prepared steam traveled down the tubes, and the force of it was transformed via the pinwheels inside of them to electricity. Cables along the tubes carried that energy to Takanai above.

The vats stored water; the first step of the process having been built alongside the last. When someone opened their valves via wheels, pipes beneath these vats carried that water to converters that were hovering over the earth’s blood channels.

All known. All handled or repaired by me when I’d worked here and therefore, boring.

When we reached the channel, I stopped short. Between the pipes, tubes, and converters, earth’s blood peered at me with its sluggish flow a coy wave at its once victim, and while letting it fill my eyes and mind, I found myself torn.

Onn the one hand, I remembered dying in that awful substance as the hunger of it had burned through me like a flame through paper, and I wanted to turn on my heel, marching away until I reached the surface.

On the other, its deadly allure—what had first brought me to the steamworks, calling to me every year I’d worked here—still whispered my name. It was the feeling of standing on a cliff with one’s toes dangling over the edge, what urged one to leap into the abyss. A kernel deep inside of me desired a second dip in the embrace of earth’s blood.

I clung to this kernel, knowing I’d need it as the day progressed.

*“Ko?”* Zhao said beside me.

When he rested a hand on my back, I shivered.

“I’m fine,” I said. “The source is that way. Since the palace rests on Mt. Teisu’s slope, that’s the direction we’ll take for now.”

I’d have to hope I could remember the steamworks' warren as well as I thought. Once we reached the mountain, too many channels would be crossing one another to determine a direction from them alone.

That was a problem for later, though.

As we followed along our current channel, I kept us at a light jog. We needed speed if we wanted to reach Himi before she did anything stupid, but if we took too fast of a pace, the steam rats would take notice.

Now, most of the people who worked in the steamworks kept their heads down, did as they were told, and caused no trouble. Unfortunately, a guild that most people wouldn’t voluntarily join had its fair share of more disreputable members in its ranks as well.

These were the people who would jump you in abandoned channels, steal anything of value from you, or just beat the shit out of you for fun. Many were the ‘accidents’ here where one of these people had happened to be standing not a meter from where a poor soul had fallen into a channel.

I stayed on high alert for them. If it could be helped, avoiding them entirely was for the best, but usually, that wasn’t possible.

We followed quite a stretch of our current channel before it crossed another one. Stopping, I met Zhao’s eyes, and he groaned.

“We can’t follow the new one?” he asked.

“It heads back into Takanai’s heart,” I said.

Glancing between us, Brennan said, “So, what? We have to cross this one?”

Obviously lost, she frowned.

“Why is that a problem? Isn’t there a bridge nearby?”

Her display of innocence shoved a lump into my throat.

“Bren…” I said. “Why would steam rats need bridges when they can cross the channels on those?”

I pointed at the pipes and tubes that spanned the channel, none of which were larger in diameter than a small dinner plate, and glancing at them, Brennan quickly snapped her attention back to me, simmering with a fire that seemed as real as what was swirling in my eyes.

“Are you *kidding me?”* she spat. “How can something like this exist here? Did no one think, ‘Hmm. Maybe we should implement a few safety measures in this extremely hazardous workplace’?”

“Some have tried to change practice in the past,” I said, “but replacing personnel and providing patchy padding at crossing points to shield their feet from the heat is cheaper than building bridges that would need to be replaced as often as everything else here. And to the guilds, money is everything.”

Screwing her face up, Brennan hissed, “That’s barbaric.”

There was that word again, but on this utterance, I wasn’t sure I disagreed with her.

“I don’t like it either,” I said. ‘Trust me. I do not want to make a crossing like this again, but I’ll do it if it gets me to Himi before she enters the Gateway.”

“Would someone mind explaining why we’re doing that?” Zhao asked. “She has what she needs to commune with the earth, something that needs to happen. Soon. So, why are we trying to stop it?”

I had my reasons for that, none of which I had the time or desire to share, so…

“You said that being the emperor means keeping secrets, *maiyaru.* This is one of my secrets,” I said. “Now, give me whatever unnecessary, subservient line you feel you have to give, and make your crossing.”

I jabbed my finger toward the channel’s opposite side, and with his features souring, Zhao kept his lips sealed. With a short bow, he sprang onto a pipe before sprinting across it.

He made something that most steam rats approached with caution look easy, and once he was on the other side, he turned, crossing his arms. I responded with a bow to match the one I’d received.

“You expect me to do *that?”* Brennan squeaked.

“Probably several times, yes,” I said. “You don’t have to go as fast as Zhao, though. I’m pretty sure he was showing off.”

Sputtering, Brennan said, “I- I can’t, K. I’m not some graceful warrior. I fight dirty, as I was taught, and I’m one of *the* clumsiest people I’ve met. There has to be another way across.”

Ah, look! An opportunity to gain something I needed. Why did the idea of taking advantage of it, manipulating her like this, hurt so much?

“There isn’t, unfortunately. You could stay here if you like. No one would blame you for it, and if you wanted to wait for us, we could come back this way on our return trip,” I said. “Or maybe you have something in your magic satchel that could help. Something that could make you fly? Or perhaps something that could let you survive in earth’s blood, if you happened to fall?”

I cracked a smile at that last bit, but when Brennan gasped and started digging through her satchel’s depths, that smile fell.

“I’d forgotten about this!” she said. “Well… more I didn’t think of it in this context. I hope it still has a charge.”

With an excited yelp, she withdrew a ring from her satchel, displaying it for me.

“This should help,” she said. “During my time in Brighde, we used this in Teine to survive extended periods of time spent next to the town’s hot springs. With such an extreme difference in the temperatures between here and there, I doubt this would give me more than half a minute in lava, but that’s time I could use to reach safety.”

“Sounds great,” I faintly said.

Brenan slid the ring onto her middle finger, and a blue sheen settled over her body and bag. Numbly, I forced my lips into a smile at her expectant gaze.

“You’re exceptional in all things. You know that, right?” I said. “You’re brilliant, capable, supportive-”

“I thought you didn’t need my support,” Brennan said with a grin.

When I glared at her, she laughed, nudging me.

“You go ahead and cross, K,” she said. “I’d rather go last.”

“As you like.”

I stood on the channel’s edge, remembering all the times I’d done this before and how easy it had been then. It would be just as easy now, yes?

How had I managed it in the past?

Right. Those stupid games that Nokoribi and I used to play. This would be fun.

Grinning, I folded my arms behind my back and stepped forward.

I almost lost my personal game the second I landed. With my feet alighting off-center on the pipe, I wobbled while something crushed my throat closed. Almost, I flung my arms to either side to regain my balance, but I managed to do that without that source of help.

Glancing up, I noted Zhao’s drained demeanor, which had laughter nearly toppling me off my perch again, but once I had that under control, I started my trek across the pipe.

The point of this game was to take as much time as possible with crossing while never using your arms for balance or looking at the surface you were walking upon. While playing it, many had been the times when Nokoribi or I had teetered toward a fall only to have the other person catch us, sending us both crashing onto the tube or pipe. Many had been the teasing jabs afterward, when Nokoribi had inevitably won our game.

Earth and fire, I missed those times.

So, as I made my crossing, I did it in a slow saunter, never once pausing and with my head held high. By the time I reached the other side, the soles of my feet were burning, but even still, I took my time while making the final leap to safety.

For the briefest of moments, I tilted backward on landing, but after rocking to solid footing, I turned to face the channel, and only then did I lower my hands to my sides.

“I win, ‘ribi,” I whispered.

While Brennan unsteadily lowered herself to the pipe, Zhao came to a stop at my side.

“Are you trying to kill me?” he asked.

Cocking my head, I narrowed my eyes at Brennan. Was she *crawling* across the pipe?

“If I were trying to kill you, you’d already be dead,” I said.

“Maybe,” Zhao said, “but I was talking about your reckless behavior, *ko.* So many times, you’ve nearly given me a heart attack since coming to my home, especially today!”

“I knew what you meant,” I said.

My own heart lurched as Brennan flattened herself to the pipe, hugging it. When she shakily started forward again, that fragile organ resumed its normal beat.

“What do you have planned? I know you’re scheming something—I’ve seen that face often enough in the past—so don’t try to deny it,” Zhao said. “Just tell me if I should be worried.”

Ha!

“You don’t need to worry, *maiyaru,” I* said. “Everything will be fine in the end.”

Technically true.

“All right, then,” Zhao said before clicking his tongue. “This’ll take forever if she’s always this slow.”

“Maybe one of us should carry her at the next crossing,” I said.

“If you want me to do it, you’ll have to order it from me, most blessed," Zhao said. “Otherwise, the job’s all yours.”

“You’ve been very choosy about when I’m your ‘emperor’, you know,’ I said. “If I didn’t find the whole thing ridiculous, I might be insulted.”

Snorting, Zhao said, “You haven’t taken the throne yet. I should get in as much rebelliousness as I can now, yes?”

Rolling my eyes, I helped Brennan clamber up to a solid surface, and she collapsed onto it, gasping.

“That was awful,” she said. “I don’t know if I can do it again.”

Exchanging a glance, Zhao and I pulled Brennan to her feet.

“Great work, and don’t worry,” I said. “You’ll never have to crawl across a channel like that again.”

When we reached the next crossing a few minutes later, Brennan shrieked while I scooped her into my arms. Any struggling she initially started, though, stopped as soon as I dropped onto a tube. After that, she buried her face in my chest, whimpering until we’d reached the other side.

I didn’t mind it, no matter that I felt bad for her. Having her so close felt nice, and that helped calm down my frazzled nerves.

Over the many crossings we made, I never let Zhao take responsibility for Brennan, and eventually, the frequency of them pulled her out of her curl against me. She ended up cautiously glancing around us.

Eventually, we reached a point where earth’s blood channels started making a ridiculous number of connections. Here, the steamworks guild had shelled out the ration tokens needed to build bridges, if only to speed up the rate of the steam rats’ work.

Not far ahead of that point lay another hub, a place where a conglomeration of pipes and channels met like a wheel’s spokes. While jogging here, we’d passed a few more hubs, but this was the one I’d been looking for since we’d descended.

Or at least I thought it was.

This close to the source, the heat down here had become almost unbearable with anyone who stayed in it for more than a minute soon slathered in sweat. For that reason, the bare minimum of steam rats needed to work this hub were here. In places like this, heat exhaustion felled many a worker, and their guild didn’t like paying the exorbitant fees needed to haul so much water this far in.

As we strode among them, the few steam rats manning this hub gave me and my companions odd looks, but again, ignorance of such oddities was the prevailing practice among them. Standing beneath a mess of pipes and tubes, I slowly spun in place with my eyes fixed above.

“This hub powers the palace,” I said, “Which means we need to go that way.’

Into the only darkened channel that led away from here.

“Just great,” Brennan said with a sigh.

I took a lantern from where they were resting against the channel’s entrance, again earning us strange looks, but after lighting it, I entered a darkened maw.

Maybe it was because I was so worried about Himi and whether we’d reach her in time. Maybe other concerns had laid claim to my focus, but I, the one who’d given so many warnings about staying on our toes, was the one who led us into a trap.

The hub had long ago fallen behind us, and I’d begun wondering if I’d chosen the wrong path when a giant of a man appeared on the edge of my lantern’s light, nearly making me fall while slowing down. Before I’d stopped, I’d drawn my pistol with its muzzle almost touching the big man’s nose, and behind me, I heard more weapons being drawn from sheaths.

Slowly, I backed toward my allies, and with every step I took, more steam rats ambled into the light.

“Guests for ya, boss,” the big man called.

Another stream rat, a slight woman with rust-colored eyes, entered her companions’s circle, looking us up and down with a wrinkled nose.

“Wot’re fancy toffs like ya doin’ here?” she asked.

“Wotsit matter?” I snapped back. “Outta ta way, sissa.”

The woman seemed taken aback by my use of steam rat slang, but she pressed on regardless.

“Awful purty flash hangin’ from ya to be one’a us,” she said. “No ‘ssassin either, else yu’d know tu leave ta toll way back where.”

So, this was a regular route for assassins, was it? Interesting. I hoped Zhao was taking notes.

Tilting my head, I ask, “Summun in ta palace worth ‘ssassinatin? Emperor’s dead, na? Who else ta kill?”

“Ya daft?” the woman scoffed. “All guild chairs squabbling above an’ no one worth offin’? Already two gone. More sure ta follow.”

Frowning, she crossed her arms.

“Ya haven’t answered ma question,” she said. “Wot’re you doin’ here?”

“Not tellin’,” I said. “Rob us anyway is ta plan, yeah? We fight with pieces on both sides, suma yurs’ll git shot. So. Les do this works’ style. Blades and fists. Wot ya say?”

The woman considered for a moment before shaking her head.

“Ya seem reasonable, so why fight?” she said. “Toss yur flash here, and we both walk.”

I bit back a sigh.

“Give ya wot I can,” I said. “Yu’ll have tu fight for ta rest.”

Slowly and surely, I emptied my pockets, rolling anything of value her way. To me, this ‘offering’ was nothing, maybe enough for a meal, but I remembered how much this small amount meant for a steam rat. What I was surrendering should see some of these people’s foremen paid off for the next week, keeping them off of their team’s more dangerous duties.

I could hear Zhao and Brennan following my example, tripling what I’d handed over. An amount like that might make a gang like this back off.

Their leader, however, took one look at our offering before kicking it into the darkness.

“Ya think that’s ‘nuf?” she shouted. “Look at ya. Spiff getup, shiny blades, a purty piece, and that mask..”

Earth and fire, I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this.

“Ya want ta mask?” I called. “Take it.”

Ripping it off of my face, I tossed it at the woman’s feet, and while she stared at it, I watched her gang shift with realization spreading through their ranks. When their leader looked up and saw my eyes, she shrieked, stumbling backward into the big man.

“Yur- yur-” she stuttered.

“Ta big man on ta purty chair? Ta fancy-ass fool? Oo! Ma personal favorite. Ta worthless chump,” I said. “Yeah, yeah. I got ta eyes. Ya fight ‘cause of it, or ya git outta ma way, sissa?”

The woman said not a word, merely flicking a switchblade into her hands, which was about what I’d expected. Hatred for the throne ran deep in the steamworks.

The rest of the gang was quick to display weapons as well, and holstering my pistol, I drew a dagger and knife.

“Try not to kill them!” I shouted.

A tongue click answered me, but then, the steam rats rushed us.

If they’d come at us one at a time, these people would have been easy opponents for me to counter. They had no training, flailing about with their weapons like amateurs.

Coming at me as a group like they had, however, was a problem.

Fortunately, my companions and I had already been standing near one another when the fight had begun, and Brennan had apparently had enough combat experience to know what she should do when fighting greater odds. With our backs to one another, the three of us kept each other free of injury, but I didn’t know how long that would last, especially with Brennan refusing to use a weapon.

She punched and chopped and kicked her opponents into oblivion while every strike against her, whether armed or not, glanced off of a viscous substance, covering her body.

Not that I had much time to watch her fighting. My own struggle occupied me.

Most of the steam rats were focused on me. They piled toward me, which wouldn’t have been a problem except that it gave me no room to maneuver, especially not with a weapon like a knife or dagger.

Conversely, they had to rely on items that were best suited for extremely close combat, but they, unfortunately, had these weapons in abundance. Switchblades sometimes swiped for my neck and chest, but mostly, they were jabbed at my face. Now, when I no longer wanted them gone, my eyes were in the most danger of being gouged out.

As always, time stretched when in combat, but after a drawn-out minute of fighting, I knew I wouldn’t escape it without at least a wound. All the steam rats needed to do was continue crowding me, and eventually, a debilitating blow would land. I’d get overwhelmed.

Then, the channel started shaking with vibrations lurching the ground beneath my feet. With my many years of experience with fighting on easily shifting floors, I stayed on my feet, but the steam rats fell, one by one, and Brennan tripped into me. Her clinging hands nearly had me toppling as well, despite my experience.

Within a few seconds, this rumbling fell still, and even reeling as I was, I herded my companions over a pile of steam rats, ignoring how many of them were already stirring. Grabbing our miraculously intact lantern, I shoved it at Zhao before pushing him and Brennan onward.

When I glanced back, some people in the gang had untangled from the others with their leader among them. As if dazed, she stumbled forward with her hand to her head, but when she noticed me watching her, she cringed.

“Was that…?” she asked.

I shook my head.

"Not me,” I said. “Ta earth is angry. Tu give it rest, I go.”

Snapping her mouth closed, the gang leader gave me a single nod before turning to help her companions, and I ran after Brennan and Zhao.

# Chapter Twenty-Five

Disgorging from the earth today brought the same mixture of elation and relief as it had years before. Zhao dragged me up the ladder’s last few rungs, and without discussing it, we took a moment to catch our breath. It didn’t matter how physically fit one was. A climb that long would have the body crying out for rest.

When my heart didn’t feel like it would tear itself out of my chest, I checked my surroundings. We were standing among or leaning against the assorted junk that was typically accumulated by a large family or in this case, one man and his staff.

The palace. We’d made it inside. Now to reach the Gateway without the guild chairmen, staff, or royal guard murdering us.

“Quick question,” Brennan said. “Did an earthquake just save our asses down there?”

At the storeroom’s door, I pressed an ear to its surface while watching for shadows in the light spilling through its crack.

“The earth did quake, yes,” I said, “and that gave us the distraction we needed to flee.”

“But… isn’t that bad?” Brennan asked. “Growth and Decay’s prison causing havoc in your planet’s core is bad, yes?”

“That’s what I gather,” I said.

Cracking the door open, I noted an empty corridor beyond before slipping into it. Both ends of the hall were clear of people, so I waved for Zhao and Brennan to follow me. On quiet feet, she hurried in the direction I’d indicated while Zhao and I lagged behind.

“This is why I’m so confused by what we’re doing,” he said. “If Hiyuki’s destabilization has gotten so bad that its effects have stretched into the empire’s heart, why are we trying to stop Himi from communing with the earth? It doesn’t seem logical-”

Enough was enough.

Taking hold of Zhao’s arm, I spun him toward a wall with him relaxing halfway through the swing. The impact and my subsequent pinning of him made little noise, as it was a move we’d practiced many times in the past.

Getting in Zhao’s face, I said, “I have excellent reasons for what I’m doing, and I would appreciate it if you stopped questioning me. *Maiyaru.”*

His questions were making me doubt myself, and doubt wasn’t something I could afford right now.

“It shall be as you command, most blessed,” Zhao quietly said.

“Good," I said, releasing him, “and stop calling me that.”

As I walked away, I refused to examine what the look on his face probably meant.

At the end of the hall, Brennan watched us approach her, grinning like we’d performed the most interesting of tricks, and as we came closer, I could practically see the laughter she was holding in check.

“Anything?” I asked.

“Not that I saw, but I’ve been distracted,” Brennan said with her lips twitching. “Which way do we go next?”

“Yes, where is the Gateway now?” Zhao asked. “They usually like to move it between emperors.”

“And here’s hoping they haven’t done that yet this time,” I said. “‘ribi had it placed in his garden. Said the brief moments with nature beforehand helped.”

“I don’t remember seeing it there,” Zhao said.

Ducking my head, I smiled.

“It’s hidden,” I said.

“Of course it is,” Brennan said, rolling her eyes. “Well? Are you taking us to it or not?”

Did I have another choice?

Advancing through the palace took us an agonizingly long time. Maintaining our anonymity required it, but I longed to race ahead, find Himi, and get this over with.

Who knew how alert the royal guard would be, though, especially after the earth had so recently expressed its displeasure? Avoiding them was in everyone’s best interest, including mine. Best to keep angry, heavily armed people from chasing us, yes?

I jumped when Brennan slipped her hand into mine.

“I understand now,” she quietly said. “You went from a childhood that no one should experience to that horrible place below our feet to this.”

She gestured at the hallway we were walking down with its many sharp edges and darkness shrouding it.

“How long was this your home?” she asked.

“Long enough,” I said.

Tugging my hand free, I peered around a corner, jerking my head back when I saw the staff member who was scurrying away from us in the next hall.

“No wonder you seemed so severe when we first met,” Brennan said.

“I’m not that man anymore,” I said.

I counted my breaths, giving the staff member plenty of time to leave the corridor beyond.

“Besides, my home was never this place,” I added. “It was just somewhere ‘ribi and I lived.”

Enough time had passed. Probably.

Glancing around the corner, I slid into the hall on encountering the emptiness that I’d expected to find there.

“Still,” Brennan said behind me. “I understand. Finally.”

I was in the middle of forming a response when several people wearing bubbles, nearly obscured by their uniforms’ high collar, barreled into view. Drawing my pistol without thought, I aimed at the man leading the charge, but something in me refused to squeeze the trigger.

For once, something that Hiyuki considered a weakness served me. The group of royal guardsmen, sprinting toward me and my companions, fanned out in preparation for a fight, as they’d been taught, but before violence could tighten its grip on either group, their leader shouted for peace. With a wry grin, I holstered my weapon.

“We meet again,” I called.

In creeping steps, Ryoko left the safety of his comrades’ presence, advancing on me, but once he’d come close enough to recognize who I was, he dropped to one knee before bowing his head. Behind him, the other royal guardsmen hesitantly followed their commander’s lead.

“Most blessed,” Ryoko said, “please say you’re here to help.”

Clicking my tongue, I yanked the commander to his feet.

“I’m not your emperor. That honor lies with another,” I said, “but yes, I’m here to help however I can.”

Stepping back with a frown, Ryoko said. “I’m… confused. You bear the mark. Sure, you’re older than most emperors who are chosen, but… doesn’t the fire in your eyes alone make you the ruler of Hiyuki?”

“Yes, it does,” Zhao started.

Cutting him off, I said, “I’m merely an assistant in these troubled times. Another person bears the mark, one who truly carries earth and fire’s favor. I can lead you to her, if you want.”

Ryoko’s face crumpled further into bewilderment, but before he could speak, the world once more shook, a rumble that had the palace creaking. The people in the hall braced while the floor’s sway and shift nearly toppled us all, and when calm had fallen once more, I clenched my jaw.

That had been more intense than the last one. I needed to reach the Gateway. Now.

“Well?” I snapped. “Will you get out of the way or fight us?”

Ryoko, breathless after experiencing the earth’s anger, cautiously pushed off the wall he’d been leaning on.

“How about we follow you instead?” he said. “Without an emperor’s guidance, the royal guard has split. Several of us have switched loyalty to the guilds, and those bastards, idiots all, want every trace of imperial power, including the Gateway, destroyed. The order came down this morning, so that’s where we were headed. To defend it.”

Just… fabulous. Like we’d needed more complications.

“We would welcome your help, commander,” I said. “Maybe with it, we can avoid skulking about the palace.”

“Our honor to serve, most blessed,” Ryoko said.

I bit back my protest while with a bow, the commander gestured to his subordinates. They surrounded me and my companions while I released a silent sigh.

I didn’t need more pseudo-subjects, but if they got me to my goal more quickly, I’d endure their misguided devotion. Besides, their protection would let me focus on more important matters, ones that I’d been putting off while I still could.

*You know what I want?* I breathed into the depths of my mind.

*We can gather the general idea of it,* Growth said. *Further detail is hard to understand at this level of consciousness.*

*Why should we grant you this favor, flesh bag?* Decay said. *It comes close to breaking the terms of our agreement, a risk I’m not sure we should take.*

*Do it, and I can guarantee your freedom today. Refuse, and I doubt you’ll get another chance,* I said, gritting my teeth. *This isn’t something I can do on my own. I need your help, so come on. Read me to the fullest, assholes.*

Silence bounced in my head for so long that I wanted to scream. If I did, it might relieve the throb that was pushing my brain against my skull, but I held my metaphorical tongue until the aspects of Lumin and Calig deigned to once more speak with my mortal self.

*For us to have full access to your being, we need you unconscious,* Decay eventually said.

*Of course you do.*

When I pulled up short, the royal guard and Zhao stopped at nearly the same time, but Brennan almost ran into me. Twisting, she avoided knocking me down, falling into the man at her side instead, and jerking free of the stranger’s hold, she eyed me with everything about her bristling.

“What-?”

“I need someone to knock me out cold,” I interrupted.

*“What?”*

Both Brennan and Zhao grabbed my arms.

*“Ko,* why would you ask for that?” the old man asked. “We’ve almost reached the Gateway, like you wanted."

“K-” Brennan started.

I couldn’t hear what she’d say to dissuade me. Having already hooked Ryoko’s gaze, I lifted my chin.

“Payback for my last gift as your commander? We can call it an order, if you like,” I said. “One free shot at me. I know you’ve always wanted it.”

An uncertain grin quirked Ryoko’s face, but still, he pushed through Zhao and Brennan, ignoring the protests that rose from them.

“As you say, most blessed,” he murmured.

His fist flew for my face-

*“Ah. I see his plan.”*

*“Yes.”*

*“What? No deriding comments for it, moron?”*

*“Those of us who belong to my whole would never demean this. It is strength, something that we highly value.”*

*“My whole would also find parts of his plan admirable.”*

*“…Are you saying that we’ve found a source of common ground between us?”*

*A hush fell, diving deeper than the limits a puny human’s mind could follow. It plummeted into the bedrock of reality itself, and then, rolling laughter shook it loose.*

*“Impossible. You really must be an idiot to suggest such a thing.”*

*“Or maybe my thinking’s more flexible than yours, stick in the mud.”*

*“Unruly miscreant.”*

*“Self-righteous guardian.”*

*“Stop! We should make a decision about this before the silly spy wakes him up. Do we give him what he wants?”*

*“Do we have a choice?”*

*“…I hate it when mortals best us.”*

*“I rather like- no. You know what? For once, I won’t distract us. Let’s do as he’s asked, mine mortal enemy.”*

*“After you, oh adversary most high.”*

The stinging in my cheek couldn’t compare to the pounding in my head, but that was what dragged me back to the waking world.

With a weak groan, I batted at the hands slapping me, lifting myself off of textured metal. After taking a few deep breaths, I fought a pain that was threatening to return me to oblivion and opened my eyes.

They lit this dark hallway as if Hiyuki’s misted sun was floating overhead. Thank earth and fire. My invested plunge into danger had paid off.

“Most blessed?” someone much loved said. “Are you-?”

“Fine!” I snapped. “I’ll tell you if I’m not, damnit! Stop asking!”

In front of me, Zhao came into focus with his face closed off, and I grimaced.

“I’m sorry, *maiyaru.* Growth and Decay just spoke to me,” I said, “but that’s no excuse for my behavior. I can only beg for your forgiveness.”

“You don’t ever need to ask for that from me,” Zhao said.

He and Brennan helped me up. All the while, she squeezed my hand, keeping hold of it, and once I was on my feet, I nodded at Ryoko.

“Nice punch,” I said.

“Thank you, most blessed.”

Earth and fire, was this how Nokoribi had felt, receiving everyone’s deference all the time? No wonder he’d insisted that I stop it at times.

“Shall we continue?” I asked.

Without any further distractions, I was aware of every excruciating step left before we could reach our goal.

Would we arrive in time? We’d taken so long to reach the palace. Sure, Himi might have run into trouble while looking for the Gateway, and powering it took time, spent waiting for the steamworks to produce the energy necessary, but too long had passed since the girl had left Zhao’s home. She could have already gone through the Gateway.

As my growing group and I entered the garden, though, my worries took a momentary break. This place had served as Nokoribi’s only sanctuary while in the palace, but something new had joined the serenity I’d always found on setting foot here.

Life was burning around me.

On the way here, I’d felt intense bursts of it from nearby people, but this was a deluge of smaller sparks at every point of the compass, both above and below, coming from the roots and trees and flowers.

And all of it was waiting, poised on a tightrope. On one side lay the impetus to bud and build. To grow. On the other rested diminishment and a return to the earth. Decay.

Right now, however, all I could sense was potential, something I could tip one way or the other, if only I could touch it.

Since I’d spoken with Growth and Decay, I now could, of course, but I didn’t know how long that ability would last once I’d started using it. Such a finite amount of Growth and Decay’s threads lay in me. So, as I stepped into the garden, I might experience everything that Nokoribi had felt in this place, so long ago, but sickly flowers didn’t turn toward me, and withering leaves didn’t swell with life.

“You said that those loyal to the guilds mean to come here?” I asked Ryoko.

Stepping out from his brothers, the royal guard’s commander bowed his head.

“Yes, most blessed. I’m surprised they’re not here yet,” he said.

“But they aren’t, thank earth and fire,’ I said. “When they arrive, how long can you and your people hold them?”

Stiffening, Ryoko said, “As long as you require, most blessed.’

And *damnit,* if I didn’t want to smack the shit out of him.

“Don’t do that,” I said instead. “I need an accurate estimate for how long I’ll have, so give me an honest answer, commander.”

Curling his fingers into fists, Ryoko peered up at me from his slight bow.

“I can’t do that,” he said. “I don’t know how many of my subordinates have defected to our enemy. I don’t know how many of them the guilds will send here or the capabilities of those they’ll send. I *don’t know* how long your guard can stand against them.”

Pausing, he took a deep breath before forcing himself forward.

“My weakness has caused this break in our ranks, a conflict that never should have happened,” he said. “If we survive this, I’ll give myself over to the embrace of earth’s blood, if that’s what you desire, but until it’s over, let me prove my worth to you, oh most blessed of earth and fire.”

I bit the inside of my lip to keep from shaking my head. Was this how I’d acted before Nokoribi's death had uprooted my life? What foolishness.

Resting a hand on Ryoko’s shoulder, I ducked to meet his eyes.

“You did everything you could in an impossible situation and came out of it with many of your subordinates loyal to you. Not only that but despite the hardships you’ve faced, you’ve kept to your vows, Ryoko,” I said. “That isn’t weakness. It’s strength. In only a few days, you’ve shown more strength than I ever did as your commander. I forbid you from depriving Hiyuki of someone who holds such worth.”

Straightening, I folded my arms behind my back, ignoring the wide-eyed confusion of the people around me. Hopefully, while under Himi’s reign, they’d adapt and learn the lessons that I had over the last few days, but it was too much to ask for that now.

“I need the garden secure for as long as you can make it so, commander,” I said, “but no one is to needlessly waste their life. Once this is over, the empress will need every ally, every supporter, and every source of strength that she can get.”

Frowning, Ryoko bowed.

“If that’s your will, it shall be done,” he said.

“It is.”

Those words passed through my lips, and the group of royal guardsmen snapped upright, spreading out to cover the garden’s entrances. With another problem removed from my rapidly shrinking list, I turned to press into the trees around me, only for Zhao to bring me up short.

“That was well done,” he said.

“Thank you.”

Why was he blocking my way?

“I’d like to stay with them,” Zhao said. “As you said, your Ryoko has performed admirably over these last few days, but I’d still like to oversee his work. Do I have your leave, most blessed?”

Oh. Oh, no. I wasn’t ready…

Fighting a burn in my throat and eyes, I dipped my head to Zhao.

“You have my leave," I said.

With a sharp nod, Zhao strode toward Ryoko, brushing shoulders with me as he passed.

“Thank you, *maiyaru,”* I whispered.

“Make me proud, *ko.”*

As he walked away, I snapped my eyes closed, I dove into the dearth of life in front of me, ever perching above a fatal withering. For some reason, I found comfort in that.

Life, most precious, most *loved,* always existed in death’s shadow. This fight that my *maiyaru* would enter? It wasn’t any different, just a little more dangerous, and if anyone could handle danger, it was Zhao.

“He’ll be fine.”

Brennan wrapped her arm around mine, and when I pried my eyes open to suck in another glorious glimpse of her, she smiled.

“Shall we rescue Himi?” she asked.

“Yes, let’s.”

Arm in arm, we hurried through the garden that Nokoribi had created, and with every step, I fell deeper into the wonder of this power I’d gained. Every time I’d walked down this path with my friend in the past, *this* had been waiting behind a layer of reality, one that was only peeled back for a select few.

So much life flared here that I found it difficult to focus on only one piece, but Brennan made that struggle infinitely easier. She burned so brilliantly that I *had* to reach out solely to her.

Perhaps that was the purpose of an emperor’s bodyguard: to serve as a focus. Because after experiencing the world as Nokoribi had, I knew that my friend had never really needed my protection.

He would have felt every spark of life as it had come closer, could have called to the decay hosted in any hostile. But only if he’d had someone to focus him away from the distractions around him.

If that was all I’d been, I didn’t mind. It didn’t matter that Nokoribi had never needed my ceaseless work. I’d helped my friend in a way I could never have comprehended, and in turn, my friend had served the empire and created *this.*

Sure, the garden’s sparks of life must have originally come from somewhere else, but all of them, Nokoribi had grown to what they were now. Every blade of grass. Every flower petal.

Most importantly, though, he’d nurtured *her,* a girl who’d been so carefree that it had lightened the heart of a terribly broken man. A girl who chatted with pieces of gods as if they were comrades. A girl who’d been so lost, so damaged, that it had stopped me from taking my revenge on her, and how glad was I that she had?

She’d drawn me here, far off of the garden’s paths to an enormous tree, and magic had parted its trunk to reveal the Gateway within it.

Himi had powered that awful thing up. A circle of loose wires, wide enough to accommodate a human, floated a handsbreadth above a smooth, wooden floor. Barbs jutted from these wires like spiked teeth, but in the air that this conglomeration circled, nothing seemed different. The inside of a tree’s trunk filled a wiry frame.

I’d always found the Gateway unnerving, not least because when it wasn’t powered on, its wires formed a tangled mess on the floor. Those same wires undulated while making the Gateway’s frame.

Without someone knowing differently, it looked like an unearthly portal to Katanti, and how many times had I watched Nokoribi step through it, disappearing as he’d done so?

Himi was standing in front of this with her slack hands at her sides, which meant Brennan and I had made it just in time. Now, we needed to persuade the girl to back away from danger.

Before either of us could speak, the earth again decided to pitch a fit. The world shuddered with the ground rippling in tiny waves, and a rumble, mixed with the groaning trees and screeching metal, assaulted the ear.

Except at the Gateway.

Here, the tree that engulfed us granted an eerie quiet. There was no movement to topple us and no shaking to jar the eye. Even still, Himi stiffened, tilting forward as if to take a step.

“Wait!” I shouted.

Stumbling, Himi almost fell through the Gateway, but she caught herself at the last minute, spinning toward us. I bit my lip on seeing the smears of kohl and rubbed-raw red around her eyes.

“What are you doing here?” she cried. “You shouldn’t- I need to-”

She glanced over her shoulder at the Gateway, and I covered the distance between us to wrap my arms around her. Screaming, she fought to escape, and I endured her kicking and elbows to the face with gritted teeth.

“Stop, Himi!” I shouted. “You’re right! Someone needs to commune with the earth and quickly. We just want to talk first.”

As Himi calmed down, the earth echoed her. The rumble outside of our refuge faded, and she drooped in my arms.

“Only a talk?” she whispered.

“Only a talk,” I murmured in her ear.

I released her in increments, sliding one hand down her arm until our fingers were intertwined. Leading her toward the opening in the tree, I arranged her beside Brennan, leaning her against the trunk.

“What do you want to talk about?” Himi dully asked. “Shall we speak about how I’m a murderer of the worst kind? How I can never redeem myself?”

Brennan opened her mouth to speak, but I overrode her.

“I want to talk about strength,” I said.

Whipping her head toward me, Brennan hissed, “Strength? Really? We’re back to this.”

Ignoring her tore at me, but I did it to focus on Himi, the only person who might understand.

“When your father died, he left you with words,” I said. “He did the same for me. ‘Find the truth,’ he said, and I believe with all my heart that he meant the truth about what strength means.”

Himi, having blanched at the mention of Nokoribi, pressed herself into the tree. She'd done it so hard that it was the only thing keeping her upright, and glancing at her, Brennan clicked her tongue.

“How is this helping, K?” she asked.

But I merely watched Himi until she licked her lips.

“You’ve found this truth,” she said. “So? What is strength?”

And by earth and fire, if that wasn’t a question that had defined my life. For years, I’d thought I’d known the answer. Now, I wasn’t sure if the conclusion I’d reached was the truth, but I’d speak it regardless.

“Showing strength is different for each of us. After all, we each have our own problems to fight, and I believe the purest definition of strength is found in the people who face these struggles, despite their fear. People who might, in time, overcome them,” I said. “For you, strength is presenting a cheerful face to the world, despite how badly you’re hurting inside. You live your life the way you want, in spite of everything that’s tried to shatter you.”

“What are you talking about?” Himi snapped. “I’m not strong. *Gidae…* I killed my *father!”*

“And yet, you haven’t bowed beneath the pressure of that terrible mistake,” I said. “You came here, looking to heal the harm you caused, no matter how much you weren’t to blame for it. You meant to carry a responsibility that you should never have been given, and let me tell you, Himi. As someone who knew him well, I can say with certainty that your *gidae* would have been proud of you for that alone.”

Himi’s breath caught, and like a fountain, sobs started burbling from her. She slid to the floor, sprawling against the tree’s trunk.

“Fantastic. Now, she’ll be useless while we’re fleeing,” Brennan said. “Help me get her on her feet-”

“Your strength is found in how you support those who don’t deserve it, Bren. You help people, even knowing that they’re likely to scar your soul in the process,” I said. “Without you, I’d have drowned in my anger and grief. You saved me.”

Brennan froze, and with a grim smile, I watched sickening suspicion spread its fingers through her.

“What are you doing?” she breathed.

With a shrug, I spread my arms, presenting her with my palms.

“As for my strength, I’m not quite sure what it is,” I said. “Perhaps it’s loyalty to the people I love or stubbornness in the face of impossible odds. Perhaps it’s how picky I am about the people I'll sacrifice for my world. How much I’m willing to give for that same cause. I don’t know.”

Brennan reached for her satchel, but before she could touch it, I grabbed the life around me, tipping it into growth. Tendrils, which had been creeping toward her for quite some time , sprang forth, wrapping Brennan in a wooden cocoon.

Meanwhile, the trunk’s surface near Himi reached hungry arms around her, enfolding her before she could lay a finger on it. Without the focus of touch, she could never hope to wither her prison to the point of freedom. Not in time at least.

Both ladies bucked for their escape, and when they realized how trapped they were, they snapped their heads to me. One’s eyes filled with growing fear while the other’s showed only confusion.

“What are you doing?” Brennan repeated with a waver in her voice.

As a frown cleared from her lips and brow, Himi gasped.

“Are you why I can’t hear Them?” she asked. “I thought Their silence was because of the Gateway’s interference but…”

“We made a bargain, of sorts,” I finished for her. “I’ll commune with the earth, freeing Them in the process, and you’ll never have to do the same, gaining limited freedom from Them as well.”

“Ah.”

Himi jerked her head in a nod.

“That makes sense, I suppose,” she said. “If They’ve given you all of Their threads, I couldn’t hear-”

“They haven’t,” I said. “It’s like you said earlier, Himi. With the totality of Growth and Decay in me, Their prison would never let me free Them. So, I only have the threads I’ll need to accomplish my task right now.”

“But…” Himi whispered. “Without Their full power to protect you, you’ll…”

Blood drained from her face so quickly that I thought she might faint, and silence fell, one that was oppressive in its weight. Somewhere far distant from us, steel clashed together with shouts rising above it. The royal guard had begun its fight, which meant I should finish this. Quickly.

But I couldn’t move.

“Not again.”

Brennan’s eyes, bright and vicious, bit into me.

“I’ve had someone die for ‘my own good’ before,” she said. “I won’t let it happen again.”

At that, something snapped in me.

Taking a step toward Brennan, I roared, *“It’s not for you!”*

At her flinch, though, the snapped piece in me was repaired, and I sighed, striding forward to hover my hands on either side of her face.

“It’s for my best friend’s daughter,” I said, “but mostly, it’s for Hiyuki. My home. I’m sorry I couldn’t find another one with you.”

Before she could speak, I took hold of her head, imprinting a kiss on her forehead.

“I’ll love you forever,” I murmured against her skin.

I took a step back, and my heart, tethered to her, lurched to escape its flesh and bone prison.

“I’ll see you where we met, Bren.”

Spinning away from her, I raced for the Gateway. Behind me, Himi and Brennan cried protests and pleas. I pretended I couldn’t hear them. I focused only on the spark of life inside of me and my need for a device that I’d recently seen below the earth.

At those prompts, both an aspect of Lumin and the restless energy, ever inside of me, responded. A thin strip of metal encircled my finger while a sheen of fuzzy blue obscured my vision, and something wet spread across every surface of my skin.

And the Gateway loomed in front of me.

Only as I lifted a foot to cross its wires did I drop my self-imposed deafness.

“Please! I love you too!” Brenna sobbed. *“Don’t go!”*

Then, I left Nokoribi’s garden and… her behind.

# Chapter Twenty-Six: Brennan

Kasai vanished into thin air, taking the disturbing spread of new skin that had been bubbling from his pores with him, and I- I-

What could I do? His words kept ringing in my head, a tolling bell that was fading with every repeat.

*“I’m sorry I couldn’t find another home with you.”*

I’d had so many things I’d wanted to show him.

Brighde, a world that was the opposite of Hiyuki, with every surface frozen over and its shattered moon, Slei, drooping like an apple on a weak branch.

Vathaylia, a world that was dead above the surface but so very alive in its bunkers and warrens, tunneling beneath the earth.

I’d wanted him to meet my friends.

Ellair, the brilliant inventor whose mortal enemy was anything more than the most simplistic of social interactions.

Lillibeth, who lived in both the past and the present, and her beaux, Blake, who she’d risked breaking time to save.

I’d wanted to travel through the doors I had left with him, braving the dangers of the worlds behind each of them with him, sharing their wonders with him.

And when I finally, *finally,* found my way back home to Earth, I’d wanted to introduce him to my parents. I’d wanted my dog to sniff him and decide whether he was trustworthy. I’d wanted to build a life together but he- he-

*“I’ll love you forever.”*

Who could have guessed that I’d find love? Me, the recluse with an intermittent ability to touch other people. Who watched other people kiss or otherwise display their affection with a churning stomach and prickling skin. Who’d never understand people’s obsession with breasts or legs or hips.

They were parts of the body. What else was there to them?

*I* had fallen in love, despite the odds, and he- he-

*“I’ll see you where we met.”*

This last whisper in my head was all that kept me from dissolving into the grief-stricken heroine trope. It was a small hope that breathed calm into me every time my thoughts started gibbering, and I could indulge in it as soon as I figured out a way to break free of this branching cage Kasai had wrapped me in.

Something he’d done so that he could throw his life away without interference.

“That *bastard,”* I hissed.

Once more, I strained to slip an arm free of my wooden restraints, but they held me firm, and my overlay had yet to pick a weakness out of the interlacing web. So, was I stuck here until the royal guard finished wailing on each other like immature brutes?

Likely. No one else would check the Gateway for us, and who knew how long those medieval idiots would be at the whole killing each other thing? If they took too long, I’d be delayed in reaching our meeting point and Kasai…

What if he’d left by the time I got there?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

In all my life, I’d never squirmed so much or desperately while the growl, long rumbling under my breath, quickly became a scream.

“Stop struggling, or I might hurt you.”

What? Who’d said-?

The branches holding me captive disintegrated. Dust littered the ground wherever it had failed to land on me, and stumbling, I only stayed on my feet with someone’s help.

A teenager with raven hair, delicate features, and an outfit that might make her look intimidating if it weren’t for her obvious distress and the red color ringing her fiery eyes. The ones I’d found disturbing scant days before. The eyes that were so like Kasai’s.

Himi.

Because of her, the one I loved…

He’d stepped through the Gateway. I should hate her, but I couldn’t, and that wasn’t just because her normally spunky demeanor had charmed me in the time I’d known her.

For she was one of Alouin’s seven, another of us added to the list. Alouin himself. Lillibeth, the anomaly from Vathaylia. Ellair, the prodigy from Brighde. Me, the word wright. And Himi, the killer from Hiyuki.

Or at least, I thought it was so.

That left only the successor from Auden and the liar from Hekili to be added, and then, we’d be complete, we seven who would save reality.

So, despite my burning need to leave this place, I paused to make sure Himi could take care of the dangers stalking her.

“Do you need anything from me, sweetie?” I asked. “If you need it, I could walk you to Zhao or someone else loyal to you.”

Pulling my satchel in front of me, I stuck my hand through it and into the pocket dimension that lay at its base. My request for my power boots flickered from my overlay to the tips of my fingers before flinging itself into the void. While I waited for a response, I pretended to rummage in my satchel, as if looking for something.

“How can you ask that?” Himi said. “Kasai just-”

She glanced toward the Gateway, which was now a scattered mess on the floor, and I shoved my body’s nagging demand for tears to the side.

Himi had sounded like she was in shock, which if so, was awful timing on her part. Her position in Hiyuki was far from secure.

“I’ll power it up again,” she said. “Go through. Drag him back.”

As she started toward the Gateway, I grabbed her wrist. Much as I craved for her to do as she’d suggested, I couldn’t let her. It wouldn’t be safe, and her safety superseded my happiness and Kasai’s… life.

“You can’t,” I forced myself to say. “K wanted you to become the empress of Hiyuki. If you go to the planet’s core-”

I choked off.

My God, he was in the core. What would that do to him? How would he-?

“If you do what *you* want, you’ll lose this prime time to secure your power, and when you return from there, you’ll find your enemies, ready and waiting to kill you,” I continued in a thick voice. “Besides, who knows what will happen after Kasai frees Growth and Decay? Use the full range of your powers while you can. Be the woman, the ruler, that K saw in you.”

Silicone gel and still filled my hand in the satchel, but I made sure Himi had accepted what I’d said before trying to retrieve what I was holding. Squaring her shoulders, she nodded at me, and I dropped to the floor. I pulled a beautiful pair of boots from my satchel’s pocket dimension, dragging one over my foot while Himi stared.

“Do you need my help?” I asked. “I can stick around for a little while, but I need to leave soon. I don’t know how long K can wait for me before…”

Flinching, Himi crouched in front of me, catching my gaze with swirling fire.

“He’s dead, Brennan,” she said. “You need to admit this to yourself.”

Shoving the second boot on with more force than necessary, I dropped my eyes to it. I knew she was right. I knew exactly how to handle this in a healthy manner, but I couldn’t bring myself to touch those two words with my thoughts or my tongue, not until after…

“Do you need anything or not?” I asked, amazing myself with how calm I’d sounded.

Shaking her head, Himi rose from her crouch before offering me a hand.

“I’ve got it from here,” she said. “You’re leaving?”

With her help, I reached my feet. I’d forgotten how unwieldy these boots could be until energy gave them life.

“I am,” I said. “You probably won’t see me for a while, but I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

Nodding, Himi rested her hands on her hips, staring at the floor. She looked so well put together with no pain or grief to bother her, and a part of me hated that she’d so quickly pushed through her shock.

I should leave, but I’d sacrificed enough for this bubbly girl. I need to know.

“You seem surprisingly… ok,” I said.

Himi shot her head up.

“I’m not,” she whispered. *“Gidae’s* gone, dead by my hand, and now, Kasai? I feel like I’ll burst from the pressure building in me, but I have something to distract me, alleviating that pressure for a time. I have a task that a man I greatly respected gave me. But I didn’t know him for long, Brennan, and I certainly didn’t love him in the same way you did.”

For the longest moment of my life, my grief battled with my convictions about this girl, but in the end, they won out. I spread my arms—*like he had*—and Himi fell into them before I could flinch.

We held each other, two women battered and bruised by life’s cruelties, while the sounds of the royal guard’s clash drifted to us.

After a moment, Himi pulled away from me, wiping her eyes.

“I’d better stop those idiots before I lose my entire guard,” she said with a laugh.

It was weak, that laugh, but accompanied with it came a glimmer of the peppy, crazy girl I’d first me.t

Tucking her hair behind her ears, I said, “Good luck, Himi. When I next visit, I expect to hear about the empress who changed Hiyuki.”

“I’ll make it happen,” Himi said. “Good luck to you as well. And I’m sorry.”

Before I could protest her apology, she sprinted out of the tree, and her departure let my clamoring need to leave have control of my body once more. With difficulty, I kicked my boots’ activation switch, and a blue glow washed over the wood around me. I didn’t give the change much thought, racing away from the fight.

With my boots’ help, my stride covered about three of my normal steps, and wind tugged at my pulled-back hair. My overlay warned me about dangerous obstacles in my path, but twigs and leaves still occasionally smacked me in the face. To distract myself from that annoyance, I opened a link with Ailig.

“Hey, buddy,” I said. “You there?”

Text started scrolling into view at the left corner of my sight, but I delayed in reading it, focusing instead on transferring the momentum of my run into a push off of the dirt. As I flew through the air, my overlay politely informed me that I’d misjudged my jump, and with a curse, I authorized its temporary override.

Of their own volition, my boots dumped the waste of a vaporized plasma burst, and the energy of it kicked me higher. It was a good thing too because the palace’s roof was swiftly approaching. Without the boots' added energy boots, it might once have bisected me. With the adjustment, however, I landed with nary a stumble, pulling Ailig’s response to center view right as the world exploded.

The earthquakes from before? They were nothing compared to this.

It picked me up and tossed me over the roof, and only a quick grab at a steam vent kept me from rolling further. Instead, I got the distinct pleasure of lying on shuddering metal while I watched Mt. Teisu erupt.

Now, this wasn’t a typical volcanic eruption. For reasons I had yet to determine, Mt. Teisu cradled lava in what should have been an empty earth caldera. So, rather than the usual spew of dense ash kilometers into the air, I was greeted by a spreading spray of red and orange with the excess of it leaking over the edge.

It jetted a handful of times with each of these rising closer to the sky, and I was momentarily afraid that its droplets would fly as far as the palace before landing. Not the same as an eruption on Earth but no less heart-stopping for me.

It appeared, however, as if it would prove less deadly than what happened back home. As lava oozed down the mountainside, turning black as it crawled, it fed itself into pre-dug funnels, ones that manipulated and directed the deadly flow into Takanai’s many emergency channels at Mt. Teisu’s base.

By the time I’d fought to my feet and saw this, though, another, much more otherworldly phenomenon had trumped an erupting volcano when it came to how quickly it could dry my mouth.

Takanai was writhing. From the soil that made up its flesh, vines and trees and stalks and every other plant type I could name were bursting free. They built on themselves and climbed, both in the streets and through the city’s buildings, a sporadic rainforest that stretched hungry fingers for the poisonous sky. It reached and reached and reached…

Until parts of it withered and dissolved into dirt, forming a mound of dust where life had once claimed dominance. Survivors of this continued to grow, as if chased by fire, but eventually, they met the same fate. Even still, the successors had risen from the dead’s ashes by the time they’d collapsed.

And so it went across Takanai: a towering, crumbling, leaping, shriveling war between Life and Death, Creation and Entropy.

Growth and Decay.

“He did it,” I whispered with tears drizzling from my eyes.

I didn’t know if these saline drops had come from pride or despair, though, because a tiny part of me had hoped…

I’d hoped that Kasai would understand his foolishness and return to me.

Before the horrid snarl in the pit of my gut could rise to defeat me, I focused on Ailig’s response to my message.

*Of course I’m here, Bren,* it read. *Where else would I go? I’d begun to worry if I’d see you again. You took your time with making contact.*

A rebuke. Of course he’d spouted that off first.

After a bit of empty space where Ailig had waited for me to reply, the message continued.

*Bren? Are you there? What’s that noise-?*

*Why is the earth shaking again? Will this cave collapse on me?*

*If it’s shaking so much here, though…*

*Bren! Are you ok? Are you ok? Are you-?*

This continued for a good ten or eleven pages worth of repeats. Damn, I shouldn’t have kept the link open.

“Calm down, buddy. I’m safe,” I said. “I’m sorry I haven’t reached out before now. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be here. Didn’t want to drain your power reserves with a link.

“Some pretty weird shit’s been happening up here, but since when has that been unusual for us? I’m going to cut the link for a while so I can concentrate, but I’m coming to you. Confirm receipt, Ailig.”

I waited for a moment until text scrolled across my overlay.

*Confirmed. Please, be careful, my reckless mistress.*

Chuckling, I closed the link, blinking to focus on the world beyond my overlay again. Then, I ran.

At the edge of the rooftop, I leapt for the ground, authorizing another dump before touchdown. The slope that led to the palace flashed past me in a heartbeat, and I entered Takanai with hardly a second passing.

Around me, Hiyukians were reacting to the chaos around them in several amusing ways. Some of them were huddled together with their lips moving in prayer to earth and fire, the very things that had turned against them. Most of them, however, were running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

So much for their vaunted strength.

I found the downtrodden particularly interesting. A large chunk of those I could see were taking advantage of the bedlam to loot from the wealthy, but I couldn’t blame them for that.

In all of the iterations I’d visited, Hiyuki had the harshest class system, as bad as some of the ones back home could get. Of course the downtrodden would take every chance they could get to make their lives more comfortable.

Most of them, however, went out of their way to help their fellow Hiyukians. Perhaps they did so because kindness counted as a weakness here, something the downtrodden were accused of possessing in abundance. I couldn’t say for sure whether that was the reason for their seeming self-sacrifice.

As I observed all of this while speeding through a foreign city, I wondered what these people would think of the man who’d instigated the terror plaguing them. They’d hate him for it now, of course, but in the future, would he be hailed as a hero or despised by the masses?

I didn’t think I could stand it if circumstances turned toward the second option. I’d do everything in my power to destroy those who failed to appreciate what Kasai had done for them, no matter hypocritical that might be.

After all, even as I sped down Takanai’s streets, I was also fleeing from him and everything he’d done.

My overlay flared red, giving me a warning about incoming danger, and with two more dumps from my boots as well as a roll to the side, I narrowly avoided getting carried into the sky by a thick stalk of plant life. Left on one knee from my tumble, I felt something rumbling beneath my surface, giving me just enough time to expect my sprawl across the dirt.

My body danced with hilarity while jerks and spasms became pirouettes and arabesques. When someone stopped to peer at my collapsed form, I pointed at what might have killed me.

“Jack and the Beanstalk!” I gasped. “Except I’m not Jack, and no giants are waiting in the sky.”

Giving me a confused look, the stranger shook her head before hurrying away. She was right to do that, though. Why had something that wasn’t at all funny laid me flat on my back? Was I that desperate for the relief that laughter brought?

How sad. I’d be a useless wreck once this was done.

Nothing else impeded my journey through Hiyuki’s capital city, and once I’d reached its far side, I kept running until my boots’ energy reserves ran dry. As soon as I'd removed them and placed them in my satchel, I took off again with my destination in sight.

How I wished for a return to my trip on arriving here. God, I’d griped for so long about Hiyuki’s wind-blown dust and how far I’d been from the closest city!

I envied that earlier version of me. She’d had no idea about what lay ahead of her.

Someone else had, though, and oo…

I didn’t care how powerful he was. Alouin and I were going to have *a chat* soon.

Cracking my knuckles, I lifted a hatch, an entrance to the steamworks that lay kilometers from any homes. I had no idea why that underground system reached this far outside of the city. Maybe people had used the rift I was heading toward centuries ago, although I supposed Takanai might also have stretched this far at some point.

Once more, I made the long climb into the earth’s depths, one that passed in a haze. I couldn’t say what occupied my mind beyond the steady lift and drop of my hands and feet on the ladder’s rungs. I only knew that eventually, I reached a solid surface, and blinking, I found myself beside an abandoned channel.

In the dark, my overlay guided me, and as I approached the rift, I again opened a link with Ailig.

“Begin the process of opening Hiyuki’s door, please,” I said. “Confirm receipt."

*Confirmed.*

This was followed by another span of running before the abandoned channel I’d been following spilled into an artificial bowl. Kilometers wide, the bowl had a chamber surrounding it, and at the midpoint of this cavern hung a rift.

Even after several times of seeing one, this rift’s all-consuming, black void slowed my run to a crawl, but what else should one expect from a break in reality, a path to other worlds? If one was willing to risk gaining the attention of the entities that lived in between, one could even enter it.

I preferred my mode of travel. Sitting beside the rift, Ailig wiggled in place when he saw me. I authorized his request for a return to full power, and the strips that circled his white sphere began pulsing in a rhythm I’d learned to translate as happiness. As I drew near, however, those blue pulses slowed down, and text scrolled into my overlay.

*What happened? You appear… unwell. Like you were in the days after Nuadha’s termination.*

The mention of my friend, long dead, brought a twinge with it that I couldn’t handle, not on top of everything else. I didn’t like thinking about his murder and the desecration that had followed it at the best of times.

“I’m fine, Ailig. Everything’s fine,” I said. “Is the door prepared?”

Ailig wiggled in place again.

*I do not believe you. I have become adept at detecting human lies, and that is what you are doing, Bren. You are not fine.*

Clenching my hands into fists, I hugged myself, pulling my arms tight, and bit my tongue to keep from screaming at Ailig. He couldn’t help but pry. Keeping me safe and happy, within reason, was his primary programmed purpose.

“Ok. I’m not fine, but we can’t discuss why that is right now,” I said. “We’ll do it once I’ve finished with my next task. Acceptable?”

*For now.*

“Then, please open the door for me,” I said.

*As you wish, Bren.*

Ailig’s blue glow grew brighter, and a glittering, effervescent line stretched away from him until it touched the rift. That distortion’s interior blackness shifted, wavering until it had resolved into a picture of a doorframe with muted light on the other side.

Now came the part I hated.

Retreating a few steps, I took a running leap through the door—

*Body flips from out to in*

*A wrench through every part*

*Not near as bad as the voice around*

*“Give the mother queen her heart”*

—and landed in the antechamber.

After storing what I’d heard into its relegated overlay folder, I strode for the pedestal in the center of the room. I felt a faint smile forming when I heard Ailig roll inside behind me. While he bumped into the back of my legs, I flipped a switch, crowning a stone pillar.

The antechamber warped until its typically hexagonal shape became a heptagon. Another door, one with no symbol carved into its head, joined the familiar six around me, and I started for it.

*Must you see him again? I don’t like him, and going through that door takes… a lot.*

“I don’t like Alouin either, but don’t worry, Ailig. I’m not going to see him. Not specifically,” I said. “Stay here. I’ll open a link when I’m ready to return.”

*Be careful, Bren. Even if he needs you, Alouin wouldn’t hesitate to do you harm.*

“Oh, I know,” I said.

After this last jaunt in Hiyuki, that fact had been hammered home.

Passing through the unmarked door gave me no sense of turning inside out and no whispers of what I hoped was advice. I merely stepped onto an endless stretch of grass with an endless blue sky soaring to the horizon, and my stomach started fluttering.

I had some choice words for Kasai when I saw him, some of them biting and some not, but mostly, I wanted to hear what had happened. I wanted to know how he’d gotten here and whether it had been painful or not. I needed to hear the end of his story, if he was willing to give it.

And I needed him. Just another moment and another touch, given by the only one who could do that with me.

Please, all ye gods, never to hear my prayers, give me that. Please, universe that has never treated me with kindness, reserve your hatred for me.

For just one moment.

When I spun in place, though, desperate for any sign of activity, no one was waiting for me.

# Chapter Twenty-Seven

After striding through the Gateway, I’d thought I’d have a moment to prepare. Traveling between distant points usually takes time, after all.

That didn’t happen. One second, I was standing with the people I loved in my best friend’s creation, and the next, I’d stepped into Katanti.

Or a version of it, at least.

A hall stretched in front of me with pure, brilliant, blinding white light from outside bathing it. A shiny, tiled floor led deeper into the earth’s heart, and a clear substance of some kind arched overhead.

It couldn’t be glass. Not only was heat already blistering my skin here, even through Brennan’s shield, but immense pressure was trying to crush me into the ground. Glass couldn’t stand extremes like that.

I barely could.

“Shit, ‘ribi is this what you went through?” I hissed.

Unable to move my jaw, I could barely maneuver my tongue to where I could spit those words from between my teeth.

*Every time he visited, yes,* Growth whispered.

*And more besides,* Decay added.

Right, the reason I was here.

I took a step down the hall, and as if to spite me, Brennan’s shield failed. All of the skin I’d grown before entering this place was incinerated in a flash with heat working through what Growth’s threads had spawned, and so many of my receptors for sensation got seared to nonexistence…

Never before had I suffered such agony that my brain had quit to save my sanity, but it almost happened now. I endured this long enough for another ring to manifest on my finger before slumping with my lungs desperate for air.

Earth and fire, if that had just been the start, then-

*Don’t waste time considering what awaits you, mortal,* Growth whispered. *You have little of that as it is.*

*Come to us,* Decay breathed.

Oh, my head… and the energy inside that was dancing, jerking, protesting my motionlessness.

I should harness that.

I slid my feet along the tiles beneath them, unwilling to waste effort in fighting the pressure bearing down on me. I needed it for other tasks.

*How much time do I have?* I asked the depths of my mind.

One of the aspects might have answered me, but I didn’t hear it over the sudden roar in my head. My body’s second scorching drowned out all other input while the soles of my feet bubbled. I wasn’t sure why they continued sliding along.

The absolute white surrounding me was tinged by a faint blue color, which had the energy inside gleefully bubbling, and with a gasp, I dragged my hand up until my finger came into view. Molten metal was drying beneath another ring with droplets of it drizzling to the floor.

What other remnants was I leaving behind? My feet, my body…

Brennan’s shield didn’t last nearly as long as I’d hoped it would.

Earth and fire, Brennan…

And Zhao. What would my *maiyaru* think-?

*Four minutes, fifty-one seconds.*

*What?* I dazedly asked.

*Considering how heavily the beyond lies on you and how quickly you’re burning through our threads, that’s how much time you have left,* Growth whispered. *Better hurry.*

Damn, that wasn’t long. I needed to move faster. A good bit of the hallway was waiting in front of me before its path split into two up ahead.

Why on earth was there a hall here in the first place?

*Containment measure-*  
……………..  
A silent scream gradually reduced to sobs, and I blessed the part of my mind that had kept me moving, even when my shielding had failed.

*You can blame our bastard of a captor for you extended… trouble,* Decay whispered. *He built this prison with many safety precautions in place, that hall being one of them. If we somehow escaped our cells, the length of time needed to cross it, along with the resulting exposure to the heat and pressure of a planet’s core, would loosen our grip on the physical plane, weakened as we are. We’d return to our individual wholes.*

*Which is all we want now,* Growth breathed.

*Fascinating,* I groaned. *I’ll have to thank Alouin when I…*

Oh, why focus on trivialities like that?

*Time?* I asked.

*Four minutes, nineteen seconds, mortal,* Growth whispered.

So short… I’d thought…

It didn’t matter. What did was how Growth…

Damnit, I was undergoing this trip through Katanti to help these aspects, and they were still treating me like a bug.

*I have a name, you-*  
……………..  
Earth and fire, I couldn’t keep this up. Couldn’t-  
……………..  
FUUUUUUCK!

What the *hell* had that been? Where was I? *Who* was I?

*Kasai. You are Amari Kasai,* someone… Decay whispered. *Focus on me. That’s it. Just listen to my voice.*

I needed to do something. Something important. What was it? Why couldn’t I remember?

*My eternal enemy is guiding your body with their threads. So, don’t worry about your task for now, Kasai,* Decay said. *Just keep your attention on me, and everything will be-*  
……………..  
The energy, the energy, the energy, the energy was buzzing inside and a sticky ooze coated an already pussy face while warm salt filled a singed-dry mouth.

Something about this wasn’t right. I should fix it. How did I fix it? It had to do with purple and blue. I thought.

Why was thinking so difficult?

*You’re at the end of the hall, Kasai, the place you needed to reach,* Decay whispered. *I need you to surface to the conscious world once more. We can’t do this part for you.*

Why was laughter bouncing so viciously around me? It made me want to shiver, but I couldn’t . Why was that?

*Have we lost him?*

*He’s retreated FAR into the depths of his mind,* Decay whispered, *but-*

*Damn! I thought we’d finally managed to escape. Pity about the mortal. What a waste.*

*I WASN’T FINISHED!* Decay roared. *I won’t let such a magnificent display of strength end with a pathetic gasp. He can do this. I just need to find the right motivation to drag him forth.*

*Good luck with that, numbskull.*

Such laughing disdain! Who talked like that to someone else? Rudeness never got anyone-  
……………..  
Somewhere far away, a child with scarlet eyes huddled in a ball with his arms thrown over his head, whimpering, and when a shadow fell over him, he flinched, cutting the noise off.

“It’s ok, Kasai,” someone said. “I won’t hurt you.”

The child furiously shook his head beneath the shield of his arms before clenching more tightly around himself.

“I need you to be strong for me. Can you do that? Be strong?”

Going still, the child peered above his knees. An adult was crouched opposite him with their palms resting on their knees and their head cocked.

Something was wrong with their face. It was… sagging? Skin was stretched taut over their cheekbones, giving them a skeletal appearance, and on one side, teeth were peeking from between strings of rotting tissue.

As the child watched, a dangling tooth fell out of the adult’s mouth, disintegrating to dust mid-air. It left maggots crawling in its socket, and the child recoiled, falling back on his hands.

“I know. I’m not pretty to look at,” the adult said., “but surely you’ve seen worse before.”

They attempted a thin smile, and for a moment, the child was a frozen statue, but then, he flipped to his hands and knees so he could crawl forward and poke the adult’s face.

After a few seconds of this, the adult rolled their eyes, plucking the child off of the ground. Resting their burden on the floor in front of them, barely within reach, they firmly pressed their hand atop the child’s head to keep him from rising.

“You mortals baffle me sometimes,” they muttered.

Lifting his hands, the child made squeezing motions with them, screwing his face up with the disappointment of something denied, and watching this, the adult shook their head.

“How do I get you to leave a place of peace like this?” they said. “How can I?’

As that last word emerged, they shuddered while retching noises accompanied their jaw’s hinging.

*“Damn,* I’ve been gone from the whole for too long.”

Sweeping the child into their arms, the adult settled him on a hip before pinching his waving wrists together.

“Now, Kasai, we have something we need to do together, you and I,” they said. “I’d tell you that your empire needs you to finish what you started, but in my many times of inhibiting the physical plane, I’ve found that loyalty to a nation doesn’t hold a candle to love for you mortals.

“So, tell me. Who do you most love in the world? And be honest. No one but me will remember your answer, and I promise not to tell.”

They winked, and the child frowned.

“Love,’ he said.

With his face so pinched, the child almost looked like the adult he’d become, and a wide grin turned the adult’s already gruesome face unnerving.

“Yes, that’s what I said,” they whispered. “Who do you love, Kasai?”

Bouncing on his perch, the child pitter-pattered his bound hands together.

“‘ribi!” he exclaimed.

Huffing, the adult released the child’s wrists to ruffle his hair.

“I need someone who’s still alive,” they said. “Think, Kasai. You must remember.”

Drawing his eyebrows together, the child crossed his arms. His eyes took on a faraway look, piercing through the veil of what was protecting him to the world he’d left behind.

“Br…”

“Yes, that’s it!” the adult said. “Remember her, Kasai. Remember the one who gives you the will to fight.”

The child’s lips formed an O while his bright eyes cleared, landing on the adult.

“Brennan,” he breathed.

Clutching the child to them, the adult twisted back and forth.

“Excellent! I knew you could do it! I knew-!”

The child faded into glittering smoke, dissipating until the adult was holding nothing but air. They stared at the empty crook of their arms for a moment before dropping their hands to their side.

“I need to go home.”

And the space lay empty once more.  
……………..  
A name was chasing me in circles, endlessly looping until it drew near. Catching me, it wrapped its arms around my neck from behind, whispering in my ear.

“Brennan,” I gurgled.

She’d dragged me back. I was back. Where was ‘back’?

I was standing at the end of the hallway. How had I gotten here? I remembered the first few sliding steps I’d taken, trailing liquified flesh behind me, but the rest was a blank.

Never mind that. I’d reached one of my goals. Where did I go now?

Or was this it?

At my feet, a hole pierced through the tiled floor, one that I assumed led to where Hiyuki’s emperors had once performed maintenance on this prison. In front of me, the hall spit into a V with its offshoots traveling about five paces before culminating in translucent doors.

Behind these lay spherical containment cells with cots and other essentials bolted to the walls. Two people were waiting there.

On one side stood someone I could swear I’d seen before, although I didn’t know where that could have been. A cadaver walking, they lifted their hand, fluttering their fingers in a wave.

*You look like hell,* they said.

That was Decay, then.

Making the person in the other cell Growth. They were glowing with health, and their iridescent hair was woven and wrapped around a body that was too long and wide to be human. They tapped ridiculously long fingernails on the door with a cross expression on their face.

*Do you plan on freeing us, or will you stand there, staring, until you die?*

Speaking of that.

*Time?* I asked.

Shaking their head, Growth turned to lean their shoulder on the door.

*Two minutes, forty-six seconds, Kasai,* Decay murmured.

Had that been so hard?

*Thank you,* I said. *Now, what do I do?*

*You should see a panel in front of you,* Growth breathed. *Place your palms on it, and repeat, aloud, after us.*

Well. This self-imposed job just kept getting better and better.

At the junction of the hall’s offshoots, the mentioned panel was hanging at waist height. Incredibly smooth, it reminded me of poured stone, if more refined and stained black.

Thank earth and fire for its low placement. I thought I could resist the pressure bearing down on me long enough to reach it.

As I lifted my hands, a glint caught my eye. A metal sheath had encased my ring-laden hand with droplets of liquid running from the source of Brennan’s shield.

A sight like this should probably alarm me, and maybe it would have if the rest of my body wasn’t covered in open, weeping burns. I didn’t know how I was still alive. This should have…

I should be long dead.

Instead, my overworked brain raised feeble protests as I pressed my palms onto the panel, and they melted against its surface.

Gritting my teeth, I asked, *Is it supposed to do that?*

*It should be fine,* Growth whispered. *If you’re ready?*

My tongue felt like lead, and my jaw was uncooperative at best, but still, I made myself speak.

“By the strength of my will, I declare-”  
……………..  
*Speak, mortal,* Growth was screeching, drawing a wince from me. *Keep going! You can’t-!*

*MY NAME… is KASAI.*

After a pause, Growth said, *Of course. My apologies. Will you please continue?*

I would have if the throbbing headache that a certain aspect had induced hadn’t driven the words out of my mind.

As Growth exploded on me once more for my perceived stubbornness, I coughed a wet chuckle. I really didn’t remember how to finish.

Thank earth and fire for Decay’s patience.

With them leading me along, I mumbled, “-my world free of disbalance.”

Great. That was done. Had it worked?

When I checked, I caught a glimpse of Growth striding through their door, still closed. Apparently, it had. Calig and Lumin’s aspects were free-!

In their haste to leave, Growth jostled me in passing, and that small addition of force tumbled me to a burning floor, tearing my hands off of the panel with a squelch.

My exhausted brain found a source of strength from somewhere, shrieking at the agony of open burns further frying and bones that had been snapped. This place’s ridiculous pressure must have increased the force of my impact with the floor to a ridiculous degree.

I tried to open my mouth, releasing this pent-up, tortured scream, but I couldn’t. Nothing was working right: my lungs with the hitch in them, my voice box with its worn-thin strings, my throat rubbed raw, my diaphragm stunned by the fall. I could only watch as Growth burned to nothing in the hallway.

What a bitch.

*It’s a selfish request, but try not to blame them,* Decay whispered. *They’re not usually so harmful, and I’m not usually so… well, kind.*

*Why are you still here?* I groaned.

*I’m here because you are,* Decay murmured. *Unlike my enemy, I’ll honor what you’ve done for us. In fact, if you want it, I can offer an alternate fate than what you’ll surely receive here. With your permission, I can use my threads in you to decay your brain in a nanosecond, and unlike what you’ll find in this prison, you’d feel nothing before you were gone.*

Oh, I wanted that. Erath and fire, an end to this pain? It sounded delicious.

Or I thought it did. Maybe I could accept the offer if a name would stop circling through my head.

*Time?* I asked.

Climbing to all fours, I almost passed out with black laughing at the edge of what I could see, but with a silent roar, I scared it off. For now.

*One minute, fifty-two seconds,* Decay murmured. *What are you doing?*

*Isn’t it obvious?*

In fits and starts, I started crawling toward where the Gateway had dropped me into Katanti.  
……………..  
*This will never work,* Decay whispered after a time spent in limbo.

*I know. I have to try,* I said. *Time?*

*One minute, thirteen seconds.*

And I’d only crossed a quarter of the distance. I wouldn’t make it, but what else was I supposed to do? That name in my head demanded that I never surrender.  
……………..  
Blood was flowing from my eyes and nose again, and it wouldn’t be long before the energy inside stole my sight like boiling heat had between each failure of Brennan’s shield. Thank earth and fire for Growth’s threads, still in me, that had regrown my eyes between each of those painful bouts. I didn’t know how I’d continue once I’d been rendered blind.

*I don’t understand why you’re doing this,* Decay breathed.

And the name was given voice.

“Brennan,” I said.

*You’d go through more of THIS for her?* Decay said. *Why?*

*It’s not for her. It’s for me,* I said. *I want more time with her. I want to explore more worlds at her side, and I love her. I can’t leave her alone. Time?*

*Fifty-four seconds,* Decay said. *Please, I understand the drive that love can give a mortal. I do, but I’m begging you to let me make this easier for you. I can’t…*

They fell silent, and I wondered what could have shut them up so effectively. Such a secret would have been remarkably useful days ago.

*You can’t what-?*  
……………..  
I couldn’t see.

Was my body still moving without me to guide it? I couldn’t tell, couldn’t feel anything beyond my magic’s cost, doing to my insides what my exterior had already suffered.

Thank earth and fire for my previous two experiences with this. It left me with enough awareness for limited conversation.

*Decay, why are you helping me?* I mumbled. *Aren’t Calig and its aspects supposed to be… I don’t know. Evil? That’s what I was taught, at least.*

After a pause, Decays whispered, *We are necessary. True, mortals typically don’t like our effects on their worlds, but reality wouldn’t run without us.*

*As for why I’m helping… I like you, Kasai, and that’s rare among mortals. Would you like to know how much time is left?*

*Oh,* I muttered. *Yes, that would be nice.*

*Twenty-nine sec-*  
……………..  
I needed something. What did I-?

Oh.

*Time?* I groaned.

*Twelve seconds*, Decay whispered.

How far had I gotten? Was I close enough to the Gateway yet? Could it whisk me away at the last second? I couldn’t want to see the look on Bren-

*I can’t watch you die like this,* something vastly… kind said.

The thread that had been holding me aloft dissolved, and I fell with the dust of its remains.

# Chapter Twenty-Eight: Brennan

After all of the effort I’d put into reaching this place promptly, I’d expected *someone* to greet me. At the least, Alouin should be here since this was his pocket world, his refuge from the iterations’ many troubles.

What I got was no one. No welcome party, no friendly hellos, nothing. Just me, alone, in this creepy-ass place.

“That’s it, Bren. Let irritation take over,” I said under my breath. “Don’t examine what it’s masking.”

I made one more one-eighty, hoping my overlay might pick up on something I’d missed, but of course, it didn’t. What else should I have expected? That it worked here at all was a miracle, considering how Ellair’s other toys in my satchel were often made useless in this place.

There was a reason I didn’t often visit, besides the obvious.

“Alouin? Are you here, you bastard?” I shouted. “K?”

Nothing.

I *could* sit here and wait for something to happen, but I’d never done well with the whole staying still thing. So, I might as well pick a direction and start walking.

Whatever had happened with… Kasai, Alouin would find me eventually, and if he took too long, I could always return to the antechamber.

Not that I wanted to do that. I was here for a reason. I’d stay until I’d fulfilled my purpose or my body demanded relief from privation.

As I set off, I let my thoughts wander within carefully controlled constraints. How had Himi done with taking her throne? How many people might she have had to kill?

I hope the number was low to none. I‘d seen how having blood on her hands had affected that girl, but I also wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Hiyuki’s guilds would relinquish their recently gained power without violence.

In some ways, I pitied them, our adversaries on this adventure, but in no way, shape or form did I think they should control that iteration’s government. They reminded me too much of big business back home, especially those that had thrived during the Industrial Revolution.

But I also didn’t think that a monarchy, of any type, was good for a nation’s people. Call it the personal bias of someone who lived in a democratic country on Earth. I just didn’t like a government where the people had little say in how things were done.

At least the Hiyukian Empire didn’t follow the tradition of hereditarily passing down the crown. With the way they did things, they had a slightly higher chance of getting a ruler who gave a damn about the nation.

Overall, Hiyuki had made a nice change of pace after Vathaylia and Brighde. I’d felt like an idiot in those high-tech societies, so being on the opposite end of that dynamic had been nice.

At least, it had been nice until I’d grown close to a handful of the iteration’s inhabitants.

Why did I keep doing this to myself? After I’d escaped from Brighde, I’d known that each of my stops on the worlds behind my doors would be temporary. Why did I keep making friends with people I knew I’d soon say goodbye to?

Why had I fallen in love with one of them?

With my vision blurring, I stopped to even out my jittery breathing and push down the wave of hurt that was swelling up my throat. I couldn’t think about…

I couldn’t. Not yet.

Since I was already taking a break from my stroll, I spun in place again, intently scanning the horizon. I’d almost made it full circle when my overlay flashed a notice into view. A little to my left, two minor bumps were rising from perfectly smooth grass.

Grass flew in clumps behind me as my pounding feet tore through it. Was it him? Please say it wasn’t another of Alouin’s unexpected guests. My poor heart couldn’t take it, and he’d been getting so many more of those recently.

A box flickered into being in my overlay’s periphery, giving me a zoomed-in image of the bumps. One of them, Alouin, I’d expected, but the other one…

The other one was a dream made real, a prayer answered for once.

My buoyed heart sped my already racing feet with the exhaustion accrued during my earlier run lost in the zeroed focus of my fixation. A few seconds into this, Alouin leaned toward me with his finger extended, and any conversation that might have been taking place between those two was discarded like a bag full of rotten fruit.

Kasai ran to meet me as eagerly as I did him.

We slowed to a stop with several meters still lying between us. I wanted to draw closer, but my feet had merged with the ground while a tether between my shoulder blades was holding me in place.

I didn’t know what was keeping Kasai from coming to me, but he didn’t seem to mind the distance. He drank me in like a glass of water offered after a day spent laboring under the hot sun, but I didn’t sense any desire in the look. It felt more like one received from someone who’d thought they’d never see you again.

I could relate. That wavy black hair, those scarlet eyes that sometimes hurt to see, that well-defined physique? These didn’t stir anything in me, never had, but looking upon him now, I felt ready to burst from… something.

Comfort? Belonging? It didn’t matter. What was standing in front of me had contained the man I loved, or how I’d seen him at least, and it no longer- it-

“You waited!” I blurted.

I was only a little surprised by that fact, considering that Alouin had been with him. How often had that asshole offered to usher Kasai on before I’d arrived? He probably hadn’t wanted to watch this reunion, the selfish fucking…

Couldn’t focus on that yet. I had to save it for… later.

“Of course I did,” Kasai said. “That’s what I promised, isn’t it?”

A broken giggle burst from me as the waterworks began to flow.

Running my fingers under my eyes, I said, “Not in so many words. Still. I was worried that I’d get here and…”

“I’d be gone,” Kasai gently finished. “I’m not, Bren. I’m here, and if you like, we can- I can-”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked away, and I bit my lip. He was so different from the stiff man I’d met, and yet, still so careful, even as an… essence.

My feet popped out of their meld with the grass while the tether on my back snapped, and I raced across the distance between us. When I buried my face in his chest, I rocked him in place, wrapping my arms around his waist, and it took a second, but soon, he hugged me back.

Safe in the warmth enfolding me, I lost time in that refuge, carved from the space between realities. It was a familiar warmth, the warmth of serenity and love and- and home. I didn’t want it to end or to retreat from something so glorious, but life is a cold, cruel bitch.

Kasai’s hold on me loosened, and almost, I squeezed him tight, refusing to let go, but these were his moments. We’d spend them however he wanted, save for one exception.

When he pulled away from me, Kasai looked like he wanted to speak, but I lifted a finger in front of his face.

“Allow me one thing, K,” I said, “and then, you can tell me everything you need to say."

He looked confused as he nodded, but when I folded to the ground, Kasai joined me. I clasped my hands in my lap, idly playing with the cuff of my pant’s leg, while I set my overlay to actively record.

“I’m a writer,” I said. “I don’t know if I ever told you that.”

I bit back hysterical laughter, and while I worked to calm it down, Kasai silently watched.

When I could, I continued, “I’ve been recording our journey together, writing each days’ adventures down before bed. To my mind, this story is… entrancing, better than the others I’ve taken part in, but it’s lacking something: an ending.”

I held my breath while he processed my confession and unspoken request. Would he hate me for doing this to him after… now? Would he view my rambling thoughts on his life as an invasion of his privacy?

If so, I hoped he knew that I’d hated it too, most of the time at least, but I could do no less. I was Alouin’s word wright. He and I weren’t sure about everything the title entailed, but it at least indicated that I was to serve as the record keeper, sharing the tales of us seven on the off-chance that something survived the disaster stalking us. I had to write these stories and hope to everything holy that I’d done their players justice.

Of course, I also had selfish reasons for requesting the end of this tale but… details.

“You want to know what happened after I stepped through the Gateway,” he said in a hollow voice.

Scooting forward, I gently cupped his face.

“Only if you’re willing to tell me,” I said. “I’d like the details that I need to make your story as beautiful as it deserves to be.”

Kasai pulled my hands off of him, but he didn’t release them, hardening his grip around them instead.

Taking a shuddering breath, he said, “Ok.”

And like I’d asked, he told me. And I wished I’d never made the request.

“I- I’m sorry,” I breathed.

Shrugging, Kasai said, “It’s over. You have no reason to be sorry.”

“Still. I- How-?’

“Bren, stop,” Kasai said. “Please?”

I was making him relive it. Again.

The falsest smile I’d ever donned cracked my features.

“Ok. So, now that my pesky thing is done, what did you want to say?” I chirped.

Still gripping my hands, Kasai snorted a laugh, lifting his captives to brush his lips along my knuckles.

“You’re terrible at concealing your feelings, love,” he said. “Please, don’t hide with me.”

Cold air rushed into my lungs, pinching my tongue and biting my throat, and the swell of hurt in me, fighting for its freedom, gained more ground. Tears puddled in my eyes, but before they could escape from their confines, I turned aside. I didn’t want Kasai to see how broken I’d be… later, but laying a hand on my cheek, he turned me toward him, brushing tears away as they ran over my face.

“Still needs work but better,” he said. “I wish I could take this pain from you. I wish my… absence wouldn’t cause you more. I wish I could- we could-”

The anguish on his face hit me like a horse stomping on my chest. In a couple of weeks, he’d gone from near expressionless to this.

I should never have gotten involved in his life. I should have saved him from his execution and left Hiyuki. Who knew what might have gone differently if I had, following my damn instincts for once?

I couldn’t indulge in self-flagellation yet, though, not when he- when he-

“Do you want to make it hurt less?” I asked.

“More than anything,” Kasai said.

“Ok, then.”

Rising to my knees, I shuffled to him, slowly straddling his lap. I took hold of his shoulders and gradually, gently lowered him to his back, everything done in increments and while maintaining eye contact.

I couldn’t cross a line here. I had enough of those to understand how important they were.

After letting my hair loose, I leaned my elbows beside his head before lowering mine until a black-dyed curtain was shielding us from the world. With a measure of privacy gained, my goal had been achieved.

“Tell me you love me,” I said.

Every other time he’d done it, he’d caught me by surprise. I’d never gotten a recording of it, but until I told my overlay to do otherwise, it would keep capturing every moment for me now.

Lifting his hands, Kasai rested them on my head, twinning his fingers between the strands of my hair.

“Of course I do, Bren,” he said.

My chuckle allowed fingers of light to break through the sway of our concealing curtain.

“No, K,” I murmured. “Say it. All of it. Please.”

With a slight frown, Kasai said, “Brennan Adams, you are the bedrock of earth that has stabilized me for these last few days. You are the fire inside my heart, warming me and giving me the motivation I’ve sorely needed. You have shaped me into someone who knows he’s both strong and weak but also that those traits don’t define him.

“You’ve opened my world, Bren. For this and more, I will always love you, no matter where I am.”

I heard those words and…

I’d shoot into the sky and soar among the clouds. I’d shatter into so many pieces that no one could put me back together.

I was glowing like the sun. I was wilting beneath an ever-present shadow.

Delighted laughter mixed with soul-wrenching sobs, and Kasai’s frown deepened as he tried to push himself off the ground. I held him down, kissing him like he had with me yesterday.

Tears slid between our lips so that a slight taste of salt tinged my tongue, and I couldn’t breathe, not with my nose blocked from my crying, but I didn’t dare more, couldn’t move.

Because when I did, it would be one more thing that would never happen again.

When Kasai tapped my head, I reluctantly pulled away, retreating until space lay between us, and as I folded my legs together, I switched my overlay into a passively recording mode. Unlike when it wasn’t recording at all, these memories would still be captured, but they weren’t placed in a specialized folder, like actively captured recordings were. Instead, they’d go into my overlay’s general file, which I’d need to review soon.

Not now, though.

“Thank you,” I said.

“It was my pleasure,” Kasai said. “Any other serious topics coming from out of the blue? I don’t know if I can take another discussion where you turn weepy.”

My God. Was he teasing me?

“I don’t know,” I said with a smile. “Are there?”

“Not that I can think of,” Kasai said, “but since Alouin’s not here yet, I wondered if you might tell me about those worlds you meant for us to visit. You’re a writer, yes? Tell me their stories.”

What was he doing? Was this how he wanted to spend his-?

Or was this meant to make things easier for me?

As if reading my mind, Kasai said, “I’d like to pretend, if only for a moment, that I haven’t died. For once, I’d like to *completely relax* and indulge in what might seem like a meaningless conversation with you. Is that ok?”

“More than ok. It sounds fabulous!” I said. *“And* I have the perfect visual aid for your requested tale.”

As I reached into my satchel, I scrubbed my face free of tears. They hadn’t ceased their reign of me, but for now, I’d earned a reprieve.

After a moment, I pulled free perhaps the only toy of Ellair’s that might work here. My friend liked to complicate things, adding more features to his inventions than they required, and advanced tech like that struggled against the restriction against ‘threats’ that Alouin had placed on his safe space. This, however, was simplicity itself.

Placing a metal button between us, I left a finger on it as I spoke.

“Brighde.”

An image of that ice-infested world fanned from the button like light would from a projector, but the created picture hovered in the air with no backdrop needed to clarify it.

“Vathaylia.”

A snow-covered landscape was replaced with sterile halls and severe-looking men.

“Earth.”

With cars speeding down it, a wobbly image of a road beside an apartment building sprang into view.

“I know this one doesn’t look as nice,” I said. “I programmed and designed it myself, but I’m not great with Brighde’s tech. Earth is home, though. I had to add it to my growing repertoire.”

Although he’d looked a little uneasy at first, Kasai now leaned toward this floating image with his eyes gleaming.

“This is your home?” he asked.

“Yep. In all its filthy glory.”

“I think it’s wonderful,” Kasai said with a grin. “Tell me about it.”

So I did, and when he got tired of Earth, we moved on to the other two iterations. Once I’d finished describing them all, Kasai leaned back on his hands as if lounging. I’d never seen him so carefree before.

“I think I’d like your home best,” he said. “Vathaylia seems too troubled and Brighde? Just… no.”

He shuddered, which made me laugh. His reaction matched what I’d imagined it would be to a T.

“Looks like you did get to take me on a tour of other worlds, Bren,” Kasai said. “It’s a pity that I won’t get to visit the last few with you, but that’s life. Or death, in this case.”

I slapped my hand to my mouth, trying to quiet my snickers. I shouldn’t find that funny, but Kasai was laughing with me. That made it ok, right?

“The first joke you’ve made around me, and it’s about that,” I gasped.

“Of course. When else would I make one?” Kasai said. “On a lightly more serious note, though, I’m curious. How did my *maiyaru* take all of… this?”

As he vaguely waved, I went still. I hadn’t gone with Himi to force the royal guard into line, which was where Zhao had stayed, so I hadn’t seen his reaction to what had happened.

Oh, hell. That man had practically been Kasai’s father. How did I tell him that I couldn’t answer his question?

“Pissed but proud,” a new voice said.

I nearly jumped out of my skin, spinning to face my target on my hands and knees.

My target, who was Alouin. Who was watching me with an amused smile.

Bastard.

Turning to Kasai, Alouin said, “Have I given you enough time?”

“It would never be enough,” Kasai said, “but yes. I’m ready now.”

I scrambled to join him as he climbed to his feet.

“What do you mean ‘you’re ready’?” I asked. “You can’t- There must be something we can do. Alouin! You could reverse his timeline again!”

“Not without dire consequences for reality,” Alouin said.

“And I wouldn’t want him to,” Kasai quietly added.

When I whirled on him with a scream on my tongue, he grimaced.

“Think about it, Bren,” he said. “If Alouin reversed my timeline to the point that I was once more alive, I’d never have freed Growth and Decay, and Hiyuki would once more hover on the brink of disaster. I’d have to save it again, and before letting me do that, you’d insist on searching for another solution to the problem. Even if we learned of a way that would let me survive what lies beyond the Gateway, I don’t know if I’d take it. I don’t-”

Kasai coughed with his wide eyes going blank for a split second.

“I don’t want to repeat what I did,” he whispered.

That was… reasonable.

“But-”

There had to be another way. How many times had I seen death beaten, times when I’d thought not even an act of God could save the person who’d been skirting the edge?

“But-”

Why did so many other people get a miracle, but when I needed one, I was spurned? This couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t *let* it happen.

Pressure on my arms drew me away from my internal screaming, and I gazed into scarlet eyes.

“Bren. I’m dead,” Kasai said. “Let me go.”

“I can’t do that, K,” I whispered.

He smiled with *such* affection.

“I know. You’re too stubborn,” he said. “Unfortunately for you, I’m more stubborn.”

Pulling away, he stood beside Alouin, and that *bastard* laid a hand on his shoulder.

“The next time you decide to make a hellish prison, try not to make its halls so damn long,” Kasai told him.

“No promises, “Alouin said with a smirk.

To me, Kasai said, “You’ve had a fantastic life to this point, Bren. Promise me you’ll continue to live as vicariously as you have until now.”

I couldn’t. I couldn’t! I-

“Promise, K,” I said, hiccupping on a retained sob.

This was happening. No matter how much I screamed my denial, Kasai was-

Facing Alouin, I hissed, “I’ll never forgive you for this.”

And meeting his empty gaze, I shivered, shifting my focus back to Kasai. Sucking up every moment with the man I loved, every glimpse, every breath taken, every-

“I know,” Alouin said.

Air replaced my beloved, and with a wheezing cry, I dropped to my knees with my head tilted to the sky and the miniature depiction of the Eternal War in it. How could anything I suffered matter in the face of that, something that was so much more vital?

No. My pain mattered to me.

Falling to my side, I pulled my legs to my chest, gasping into them. With jerking hesitancy, I touched the knowledge that I’d been fleeing from, distracting myself from, avoiding for hours.

Kasai had left me. I’d given him a piece of my heart, and he’d left with it.

I expected my weeping to begin, now that I’d accepted this, but my eyes stayed dry. I kept myself curled in a ball as shrieking grief ripped through me—heart, mind, and essence—until all that remained was... me.

Who I’d been all along.

A numb shell.

# Chapter Twenty-Nine: Himi

Kasai had vanished into thin air, taking his ingenious layering of new skin atop the old with him, and I hadn’t been able to stop him.

Unable to focus, I couldn’t find either of the life sparks I’d wanted, whether that of the tree trunk that had held me captive or of the verdant life beneath Kasai’s feet. If I could have picked one of those from the plethora that had been bombarding me, tearing at my mind since They’d left, I might have stopped the one who’d forgiven me from killing himself.

But I’d failed.

A man I’d come to love in my own way, the fire to match mine, my last link to *gidae,* the only one who *understood* was dead, and if I’d only been a little stronger, he might be drawing breath with me now.

I’d never make either mistake again. Never would I allow anyone to burrow as deeply into my heart as Kasai and *gidae*… my father had done. Other people might stand at the threshold but never further because to open myself up to another person was to accept inevitable pain. I’d rather forego such companionship than again experience this removal of my heart and the ache it had left behind.

And I’d never fail so horrifically again.

As I sprinted toward shouts and the ring of steel on steel, I drew my fierce demeanor, the one that had intimidated Kasai, out of my wardrobe of disguises. I reached out to the delicious abundance of life around me, touching it in preparation.

Assholes One and Two might have abandoned the confines of my skull, but I could still use Their power. Would it stay with me after Kasai had freed Them?

Ahead, the trees thinned with the noise beyond them growing deafening, and I slowed down, stopping just outside of a clearing. In it, the royal guard was engaged in what must seem like an epic, righteous struggle to them.

I saw a bunch of men, acting like rage-pumped idiots. Fortunately, I knew how to deal with people like this. Growing up in a brothel had taught me a few useful skills.

While I finished getting ready, I kept an eye on Zhao. I wasn’t looking forward to telling him what had happened with Kasai because he’d be understandably upset, and I was afraid of what he might do to me in his grief. With my own voice adding to the chorus that was already calling for my death, I didn’t think I could win a fight against the old man, and if I had to kill him…

Well. I might be a killer, but I’d rather engage in that unpleasant activity as little as possible in the future. The last two times-

“We can examine it all later,” I said under my breath. “Chin up, my dear. Time for the show.”

No one paid me any mind as I stepped into the conflict. These silly men were working too hard on murdering one another to do that.

Didn’t they know the toll they were willingly placing on their consciences? I did. Intimately.

And what exactly would they accept it for, here and now? Ideals and factions that wouldn’t matter, let alone—if I had any say in it—exist in a few decades. It was so short-sighted of them, but then, that was how it had been for most men I’d known.

Except for two. My precious two.

“ENOUGH!” I roared.

With a push, the many sparks of life I was touching fell to Growth, and the garden moved. For a moment, plant life became like an animal, reaching with hungry hands for prey. The forest floor ripped apart with writhing roots emerging from it, and the trees and bushes whipped everything feasible to twirl and twine around human bodies.

Supple, fibrous rope bound arms to chests and legs together, lifting its many victims, screaming, into the air.

When my sparks of life began seeking openings into their prey to plunge through, I hauled them once more onto the balance beam that floated above Growth and Decay. As the forest fell still, leaving the royal guard at my mercy, I listened to their frozen, gasping silence for a moment before resting my hands on my hips.

*“What* do you think you’re doing?” I hissed.

Slowly, I turned in place, meeting as many eyes as I could. Each royal guardsman inevitably averted his gaze from me, but that’s what they’d been trained to do. *Gidae’s* once delight in my direct stare at him made perfect sense now.

“Why is *my guard* fighting with one another?” I asked. “This behavior is what I’d expect from the guilds, their many members, or the downtrodden. *Not.* my. guard.”

Oh, *gidae.* I could never thank… my father enough for our lessons together.

For the times when Morihei had closed her brothel so I could give speeches to her employees with him watching in the back. For when we’d played pretend with me trying out different roles, building my wardrobe of carefully crafted disguises. For our quizzing games on the guilds and how they infested Hiyuki, although not once had we touched on the monarchy. Its royal guard had arisen on occasion, but we’d never discussed the monarchy itself.

No matter how much he’d protested when Assholes One and Two had transferred hosts on the night he’d… died, I thought he’d known, deep down, what his daughter would become. Why else would he have prepared me as he had, making me ready to face down a pack of deadly, angry men without fear?

“Shame on you!” I snapped. “I know it took me longer than most to reveal myself, but by earth and fire, it’s only been a few days! I had to make sure the affairs of my past life were in order before coming to greet my new family. Never did I think they couldn’t handle this time without my presence. Some elite guard you are.”

I paused, waiting for one of them to make the obvious reply, and sure enough, it didn’t take one of them long to provide it.

“Who are you to lecture us?”

In the chaos I’d made of the garden, I couldn’t see who’d posed the question, but I made a note to learn his name. In the meantime, I needed to give him an answer.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I asked.

With my arms spread, I twirled before them, almost dropping the fierce disguise in favor of my bright, girlish one, the one I felt most comfortable wearing, but it didn’t fit the setting. As I came to a stop, I lifted my eyes to my guard, allowing some of my pain through the barricade raised against it. This, in turn, set my eyes ablaze.

“I’m your new empress, weaklings,” I said.

Mt. Teisu obligingly chose this moment to erupt. Events like this happened quite frequently in Hiyuki, hence the emergency channels through Takanai for drainage of earth’s blood and bubbles to guard noses and mouth against ash.

This one, however, dazzled with its glorious display. Reports would later describe it as the death throes of the earth, mentioning how it had drawn so many of Takanai's citizens onto the city’s streets.

I didn’t get to see it. My focus went to dissolving the changes I’d made in the garden before anyone could get hurt, which had royal guardsmen dropping out of leafy grips in fits and starts, and all the while, a voice was shouting in my head.

*Free, free, free, free!*

Kasai had done it. The assholes, sequestered below the earth, could return to where they belonged, which I might appreciate more if I hadn’t been fighting to stay on my feet. Earth and fire, the throbbing in my head was threatening to send cracks through my skull, and that was with only one of Them releasing Their victory cry.

Wait. One?

*I will stay for a moment,* Asshole Number Two said in response to my unspoken question.

“I thought you wanted to leave,” I growled.

*I do. I also want to be here for your friend.*

My frie-

Ah.

“That’s kind of you,” I said.

*Don’t insult me, girl.*

“I wasn’t…! Never mind,” I said. “Will you tell me when he…?”

*I should think it would be obvious, as I’ll be leaving soon afterward, but to please you, most gracious of hosts, I’ll say something before I go, Now, focus on your surroundings.*

As I retreated from the part of my mind that They’d occupied with my head pounding so badly that I saw sparks, I again almost dropped into the grass on viewing the bedlam around me. All the dull life sparks, the ones that belonged to anything that wasn’t human, tumbled from or climbed to their tightwire, leaving so many plants voraciously exploding and so much dust floating in the air.

Whatever this was, it couldn’t have begun long ago, considering that most of the royal guard had yet to regain their feet, and if this was so, I couldn’t allow it to continue for long either. The garden, confined to such close quarters, would crush everyone who’d come to visit it today.

Thankfully, I had yet to lose my sense of the sparks, perhaps because one of them was still here. So, like *gidae* had taught me, I sank cross-legged into the grass with my palms on my knees and sought my center.

Once I’d found it, I flung it over the garden, letting my steady calm cajole all life sparks caught within its sway to perch where they’d normally balance. With half an ear, I listened to people shouting with some of them eventually gathering around me, but I didn’t pay them much mind.

Maintaining calm around the garden and in myself was challenging. I’d always trended more volatile in nature, enough so that those close to me constantly expected me to erupt into emotional outbursts. *Gidae* used to tease me about that…

I couldn’t think about my father right now, not him or-

*He’s gone,* a voice whispered. *I made sure he went peacefully, Himi.*

My breath caught while my control on the garden wavered.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

*This is the first time a mortal’s thanked me. It’s an interesting experience,* the voice whispered. *Oh, and you can relax. I’m joining Growth, running far from this place.*

The sparks of life I was holding stopped resisting my control, and slowly, I pulled free of them, relieved to feel them returned to normal. In response, a swell of something delightful tried to rise in me, but I batted it down.

I wasn’t finished.

Releasing a held breath, I opened my eyes. Several members of the royal guard had surrounded me with more spread in a defensive pattern over what little open ground remained. All of them looked addled, which was saying something for a group that had been trained to never show their emotions.

Slapping my knees, I flowed to my feet.

“I see my guard has decided to stop acting like idiotic children,” I said.

The men around me flinched ever so barely before giving me space, and the rest quickly gathered nearby.

“I have calmed the earth, angry at the loss of her favored son,” I said. “No more shall it quake, and no more should you fear spewed fire or the seep of earth’s blood. This world we now stand in is to my credit and mine alone.”

I hated claiming Kasai’s accomplishment as my own, but I had to ensure these people’s loyalty. If I survived for long enough to establish a stable reign, I’d fix the story but for now…

“Before me, I see men whose faith has faltered. Men who have forgotten their vows, and frankly, it makes me sick,” I continued. “I’ll give you *one* chance to redeem yourselves, and I’m only offering it to you because you may still be of use. So, tell me. To whom do you belong?”

Would it work? Had I intimidated them enough?

As the silence stretched long, I reached for the sparks of life that might help me escape from this place, but as I did that, first one and another and then, all of the royal guard gave their answers.

“Our empress.”

Oh, thank earth and fire.

“Kneel,” I snapped.

Once I could see over their heads, I swept a fiery glare over them, pausing when my eyes landed on Zhao. He was standing near the back of the crowd with his arms crossed, watching me, and the worried pinch in his eyes drove a spike into my heart.

Holding his gaze, I said, “This empire has lost its way, giving too much power to people who would abuse it. I mean to change that and more, and for these reasons, I reject traditions and expectations. I will not be a nameless ruler, hidden in the palace. I will be known throughout the land, accessible to anyone who wishes my time.

“I am Empress Lin Himi, daughter to Emperor Lin Nokoribi, and the one who will revolutionize this world, and you? You are my instruments.

“So. Your orders. I want all of the guilds’ chairmen in Takanai gathered in my audience chamber. I know they’re lurking nearby. Find them. I want Mistress Morihei brought here from her place of business, but for now, I want her guild chair, Taro, left alone. That’s all.”

Spinning on my heel, I marched away from the shifting royal guard toward a more secluded spot of churned earth.

“Imada Zhao and the commander of the guard, I require your presences,” I called.

I didn’t check to see if my orders were followed. I maintained a steady pace until the trees had hidden me, and then, I leaned on my knees, gasping between them. Part of what I’d been ignoring was brought to the forefront.

They were gone. The voices in my head that had been plaguing me for as long as I could remember had finally yielded to my pleas. My mind was my own.

But that meant…

A snapping twig shot me upright while I performed a quick wardrobe change, so when a strange, quite good-looking man came into view, he was greeted by his new empress, grinning like a loon and softly clapping as she bounded in place.

“That was *amazing,”* I said. “I can’t believe it worked.

Giving me an odd look, the stranger said, “You must be the one Kasai mentioned, the girl bearing earth and fire’s full favor.”

Hiding a giggle, I waved.

“That’s me!” I chirped.

“I… see. In that case, I am Xie Ryoko, the commander of your royal guard,” the stranger said. “If I may, most blessed, where is Kasai?”

“Yes, where’s my *ko?”*

Zhao soundlessly stalked to join us, and try as I might, I couldn’t read him. He presented me with a blank disguise, the one I’d had the most trouble learning how to wear when I was younger.

Grinning at him, I said, “Your student is here.”

Trusting my hip to the side, I placed a finger at the corner of my mouth, and all the rage and fear that I’d known was lying beneath Zhao’s empty façade broke through it. As if by magic, a knife appeared in his hand, and he’d drawn back to throw it before Ryoko stepped between him and me.

“Don’t,” was all he said.

For a moment, Zhao stood perfectly still, but then, the knife vanished as magically as it had appeared.

“Well, that was exciting,” I said. “As I was about to say, Zhao, we can discuss Kasai in private. Let me complete my business first. Please.”

“Fine,” Zhao grumbled.

He slouched against a tree, seemingly content to wait, so I turned my full attention on Ryoko.

“I’m sorry about ensnaring you and the guard who are loyal to me with those you were fighting,” I said. “I needed to level the field."

“Of course, most blessed,” Ryoko said, “but please, you don’t need to apologize to someone like me."

“I think it’s-”

“Most blessed, don’t apologize. Ever,” Ryoko interrupted with his features flattening.

Oh. He’d been giving advice, not acting out of a desire to be polite, and his advice was sound. My hold on power was still oh-so-fragile with my loyal subjects numbering in the double digits, and those people still believed in Hiyuki’s incomplete definition of strength. Until I could change that, I’d have to abide by most of the old rules, which meant never apologizing for my behavior, no matter how deplorable it might be.

“Even if the royal guard are on the same level once more, I want a list of all who betrayed their oaths,” I said, as if Ryoko had never spoken. “What were you fighting about anyway?”

“The guilds-” Ryoko started.

“Ah. I see,” I said. “Nothing to worry about, then. The guilds won’t be causing any trouble after today. I still want that list, though. Make it subtly, mind you. I don’t want to ruin my earlier efforts.”

“Yes, most blessed,” Ryoko said. “How else may I serve you? I could help you find a bodyguard, if you need an opinion.”

“Thank you for the offer, but I’ve decided not to take one,” I said. “For the next few months, I’d like you nearby while I settle in, commander, but after that, you may return to your normal duties. That should be protection enough.”

The attentive guard façade that Ryoko had shown to this point cracked, letting his concern shine through.

“No bodyguard, most blessed?” he said. “But your safety… and tradition!”

With a soft laugh, I said, “Did you not hear me say that I’ve rejected tradition? That wasn’t idle filler for an inspiring speech. I mean to break this empire to the bedrock of its foundation before building it up again.

“And do you really think I need protection, Ryoko? If I wanted to, I could turn every person in this garden to dust. I don’t need someone to shield me, and I certainly don’t need someone watching my every move for weakness, ready to put a bullet in my head when they notice it.

“No bodyguard. Understood?”

Besides, I doubted any of the people he could offer me would beat me in a fight. *Gidae* had started my martial training early in life, always fearful that someone would hurt me.

It was too bad that he hadn’t trained me in mental defense as well. If he had, maybe Sunada wouldn’t have gotten in my head. Maybe my father would still be alive.

“Is that understood, Ryoko?” I repeated when he’d taken too long to respond.

With his hands pressed to his thighs, Ryoko bowed, and I sighed under my breath. I didn’t mind the deference that accompanied my new position, but it could make getting things done more difficult.

Plus, it made things take longer.

“Well? Get going!” I said. “You have a lot to do, and I’ll need you back at my side soon. I’ll be fine with Zhao in the meantime.”

“Yes, most blessed.”

While Ryoko scurried away, I took several deep breaths. Up until now, the conundrum of the royal guard had served as a wonderful distraction, but that couldn’t continue with Zhao behind me. I had to confront the snarl inside of me, no matter how much I’d rather never do that.

“Please tell me the reason you’re alone is that Kasai ran off with Brennan,” Zhao said.

How could he sound so calm when moments ago, he’d meant to sink a knife into me? More importantly, though, how should I handle this?

I could lie. It would make my life easier, and Zhao would never know the difference, happy with the fantasy I’d given him.

Would it be right, though?

With that question in mind, I dropped every disguise, including the cheery one that had once most closely matched my real personality. It didn’t come close to who I was today, and hadn’t for a while, but then, everything had been different since Sunada had found me. When I turned to Zhao, I gave him my true self because that was what he deserved.

“I don’t know where Brennan has gone. She didn’t tell me before leaving,” I said, “but Kasai stepped through the Gateway to free Growth and Decay. I’m sorry, Zhao.”

I didn’t know what I’d expected from this man on learning about his *ko’s* fate, but it wasn’t motionlessness with a slow blink serving as the only indication that he was still alive. Unsure what to do, I took a step toward him, lifting my hand.

“He did what?” Zhao asked with his voice dead.

Stopping, I shifted in place, playing with my jacket’s hem.

“Went through the Gateway,” I said. “He’s saved Hiyuki.”

Thunking his head against the tree, Zhao gazed through its leaves as if the sky beyond might give him a sought answer.

“He said I didn’t need to worry,” he muttered, “that everything would be fine.”

With his feet losing traction, he slid down the tree’s trunk with his limbs splayed once he’d hit the ground. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I took another step toward him.

“He did it for you, didn’t he?” Zhao asked. “To keep you from communing with the earth or some such nonsense.”

I couldn’t breathe. The pain in my chest had swollen, crushing my heart and lungs with its strength, and I could sewar bile had crept into my mouth, even if it refused to emerge.

“In part,” I whispered. “It was done for me and Hiyuki.”

A broken chuckle shot through my last word.

“I always knew his loyalty to Nokoribi would get him killed, saw it from the moment I recruited him,” Zhao said. “Though why that loyalty extended to you, even given your tie to Nokoribi, I’ll never know.”

I had to breathe. Please. Whatever had hold of my heart, spreading its acid fingers through me, eat my body. Consume my mind, but please. Let me draw a single breath.

“I don’t deserve what he’s given me,” I said.

“No, you don’t.”

Zhao lowered his head, leveling murderous eyes at me.

“Tell me why I shouldn’t kill you,” he said. “Both of my boys are dead. Because of you. Give me *one good reason* to let you live.”

Breathe, Himi. Breathe. Don’t listen to the little girl, crying in the depths.

*My fathers! I killed them both. It’s my fault. Mine, mine, mine!*

Don’t listen to the adolescent who was laying her wrists open in the core.

*I deserve to die. How can I even the scales after what I’ve done? It would be easier to rid the world of my existence, and look! An easy way out has provided itself.*

Think of the men who’d been murdered with blood bathing their skin. Think of what they’d wanted. Think of Kasai.

*For you, strength is presenting a cheerful face to the world, despite how badly you’re hurting inside. You live your life the way you want, in spite of everything that’s tried to shatter you.*

Think of *gidae.*

*My precious girl, you never cease to amaze me. Whatever you become, it will no doubt change Hiyuki. For that, I’ll keep fighting. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do, Himi.*

Remember them, and take a-

Sucking in a breath, I shouted, *“NO!* Don’t you *dare* blame me for their deaths! yes, I had a part to play at the ends of their stories, but their blood isn’t on my hands. It’s on Sunada’s head, a woman who manipulated me into *killing my own father.* It’s on Kasai’s for deciding my fate without consulting me, for being who he was and doing what was right. It’s *not my fault!”*

Good. Now, believe it.

“I… know that,” Zhao said, looking away. “I just need someone to hate for it. I need a reason for what’s happened, besides how cruel the world is, because if I have neither of those things, I have to accept that I failed them. I couldn’t protect…”

Slowly, he drew his knees up, hiding his face in them. His shoulders started shaking, and I found another point of interest while he wept for his lost sons.

When he eventually calmed down, I said, “Kasai wanted me to be the empress, and I know what he really meant by that toward the end. I will fulfill his wish, no matter who or what stands in my way, and I could use an advisor to help me with that, someone much wiser in the ways of the empire and throne. Someone I can at least marginally trust.”

Zhao lifted his head to peer over his arms.

“You want me to help *you?”* he asked.

“No, I want you to help with realizing Kasai’s hopes for Hiyuki,” I said, “and while we have history, I believe we’d make a good team, Zhao. Come with me to confront the guilds?”

He blinked at me for a moment before climbing to his feet.

“I won’t call you most blessed,” he said.

Giggling, I flapped a hand at him.

“Nor would I dream of asking you to,” I said. “After all, I would be your student, in a way. Maybe someday, once wounds have healed, I’ll call you *maiyaru,* and you’ll call me *ko.* But that day’s not today.”

“It most definitely is not,” Zhao snapped.

He closed his eyes while his shoulders rose and fell.

“But maybe,” he continued. “Someday.”

I gave him a minute. I needed time to find the empress disguise once more.

Locating one of those after I’d closed my wardrobe and let my true self free always took a while. Once I had it, though, my demeanor shifted.

“Shall we go?” I asked.

It hadn’t sounded like a question, though.

I led the way into the clearing, trusting that Zhao would follow me. Once we were there, a small contingent of royal guardsmen with Ryoko among them flowed around me, and as a group, we entered the palace.

Thankfully, I didn’t need to take the lead. I only knew how to reach one room in this maze, and it wasn’t my new audience chamber.

As we walked, Ryoko said, “Takanai’s a mess, most blessed. What you shielded us from in the garden has wreaked havoc in the city, and people are… not happy.”

Hooray! Another complication.

“I will deal with it,” I said.

And no one questioned me. My control of these people must be firm indeed.

More members of my royal guard were waiting for us in front of the audience chamber, but before they could open the room’s strange doors, I stopped.

“Only Zhao, Ryoko, and two guards of the commander’s choosing will join me for this meeting,” I said. “The rest will wait here in case the guild chairs decide they won’t see things my way.”

While Ryoko made his choices, Zhao pulled me aside.

“I don’t know what you have planned, but you should know that the guilds long ago lost any respect they might have had for the throne,” he said. “If you mean to regain it, you’ll have to be ruthless.”

“I’ll do what’s needed. Trust me,” I said, “and Zhao? Once this is over, you should go home for the night. Do what you must to recover because I’ll need you here, totally focused, in the morning. Both of us can properly mourn after Hiyuki’s stable once more.”

“I thought I was the one doing the advising here,” Zhao stiffly said.

Chuckling, I said, “Oh, you will. Soon enough.”

“Most blessed?” Ryoko called from among his subordinates.

Releasing a slow breath, I flexed my hands.

“Right. Let’s do this.”

The inner doors into the audience chamber banged open, echoing in its cavernous confines, and as I entered, conversations from the people across the room choked and died. I strode through them with the guild chairs stepping out of my way, and a murmur to replace their babbled chatter rose behind me.

When I reached the throne, I showed no hesitation. Mounting the stairs up to it, I flopped into its seat while draping my legs over one of its arms. As my guard and Zhao arranged themselves behind me with many a frown, I looked out over what I’d traversed.

So, this was the view my father had seen every day. How dreary. No wonder he’d always seemed so reluctant to leave Morihei’s brothel and therefore, me.

The guilds’ chairmen were facing me with almost all of their eyes popping, meaning I had their attention.

To work, then.

“You’re probably wondering why you’re here, and since I’d rather dispense with flowery language so we can get on with the business of running the empire, I’m just going to tell you,” I said. “I’ve gathered you in this place to inform you of changes that will soon be taking place throughout the empire. I’ve also gathered you to exact punishment for every attempt you’ve made to subvert my reign over the last few days, and finally, I’ve gathered you to remind you of why you should fear the throne.”

Inspecting my fingernails, I waited for one of them to speak.

And waited.

“Who are you to-?”

There it was.

“You see, previous emperors have tried to work with you,” I interrupted. “They’ve followed your laws and catered to your whims. They were good men, men who should be honored for how much they sacrificed to avoid bloodshed.

“I, however, am not good.”

And again, I paused to give the guilds’ chairmen a chance to surmount their outrage and say.

“I’m sorry. Who-?”

Swiveling in my seat, I slammed my feet to the floor while lounging into the throne.

“You’ve forgotten the power that the people who’ve been blessed by earth and fire claim, and because of that, you’ve relaxed when it comes to respect, playing fast and loose with Hiyuki’s laws,” I said. “You have no clue what every emperor you’ve treated with scorn saw when looking upon you or the temptation that they repressed every day. As I said, they were good men.”

I pushed myself out of the throne, shifting what would seem like liquid flesh and bone to stand.

“I’m not them. I’m the empress Hiyuki needs in these troubled times, and I would remind you of my power over you.”

Because even though Growth and Decay had left this world, I could feel every bright spark of life in front of me.

So. If I was a killer, then let me be a killer.

Taking hold of those sparks of life, I pushed some at random into Decay, and across the audience chamber, several of the guild chairs shrunk on themselves. Water was sucked from them until they collapsed with their ashes dusting the ones left standing.

For a moment, shock froze the room into a snapshot, much like the one I had of my parents, and before that quiet could break, turning into a panicked stampede for the door, I sighed. Shivering in feigned delight, I swept a burning gaze over the survivors.

“I am your empress. From now on, the guilds do exactly as I say, and earth and fire help you if you disobey,” I said. “Now, get out of my sight.”

Once they’d filed out of the audience chamber in a daze, I collapsed into the throne… my throne, and started trembling, but this wasn’t one of faked pleasure. This was something else.

“That was…” Zhao breathed.

“Not enough? I know,” I said, “but it will keep them docile until I can get the army under my thumb. By ‘protecting the border’ against kingdoms that want nothing to do with us, they’ve become complacent. They’ll better serve me here.”

“How did you-?” Zhao sputtered. “When did that cheerful, crazy girl I met start thinking so far into the future?"

With an incredulous stare at him, I snapped, “Zhao. You should know I’m not that girl, especially not after I smashed that sphere of Sunada’s. Besides, I’m not making plans. Right now, I’m operating on instinct.”

Because when would I have found the time to plan?

Even still, I sincerely hoped that Zhao would remember himself and who was standing around us. I’d expected that my performance here would elicit shock from him, but I’d forgotten how loose-lipped that sensation could make people.

“And Morihei?” Zhao asked. “Why did you summon the leader of For the People?”

And I winced. He hadn’t heard my warning.

“Everyone but Zhao and Ryoko out,” I barked. “Ryoko, I’ll need some space.”

The royal guardsmen left the audience chamber, drawing their shoulder blades closer together with every pile of ash they skirted. Of them all, Ryoko seemed the most troubled, even as he took up position in a corner. After my display, they’d need soothing, but first, I had to handle Zhao.

“With Growth and Decay gone, I’m likely to be the last person blessed by earth and fire, and that means no one will rise to take the throne when I die,” I said. “I’d rather if the guilds or someone equally as corrupt didn’t take over when that happens, so I’m meeting with Morihei to discuss different ways that we might be able to establish her democracy over the next few years.”

“That might put you out of power more quickly than you’d like,” Zhao cautiously said.

“And I’ll happily accept that and everything else that would come with it, if it’s for the betterment of Hiyuki’s people.”

Kasai wasn’t the only one who could die for his home.

For quite a while, Zhao said nothing, and while waiting, I idly watched Ryoko. The commander fidgeted under my gaze, which had me suppressing a smirk. Maybe he and I could have some fun together in the future, granted I could reassure him that I wasn’t the monster he might assume I was right now.

“I’m beginning to see what Kasai saw in you,” Zhao eventually said. “May I go home now, Himi? It’s been… a day.”

“I told you that you should go once this meeting had concluded,” I said. “Will I see you in the morning?”

“I wasn’t sure about this arrangement at first but… yes,” Zhao said, “I think you will.”

I heard him pad away, probably to use a secret door I didn’t know about yet, and soon enough, I was alone. Or as alone as the head of Hiyuki’s monarchy could get, at least.

Then, a much-hated voice had to go and ruin that.

*Nicely done with your enemies, girl.*

What-? Oh. Oh, no.

“Decay?” I whispered.

*Oh, you’re deigning to use my name now, are you?*

This couldn’t be happening.

“I don’t… understand,” I whispered with a whine in my voice. “You- you made a deal!”

*True, and we will honor it,* Growth said, *but the deal only gives you limited freedom, mortal. You still have our threads in you, ones we cannot take back, and while we may be returned to the whole, we can’t regain our full strength unless we visit you from time to time. It’s rather inconvenient.*

*Worth it for our freedom, though,* Decay snapped. *Besides, what’s a mortal lifespan to beings like us? An eye blink?*

*Still annoying,* Growth grumbled.

II wanted to say something, but speak my mind, but… I couldn’t utter a single word.

*You’re an ungrateful asshole but… stop. Let’s not fight here. Because of us, the poor mortal’s likely to expire before her time, which we all know is bad form,* Decay said. *Himi? I promise you. We’ll only visit when it’s necessary, but you will hear from us at times. I’m sorry.*

*Did you just APOLOGIZE?* Growth said. *Clearly, you haven’t been home long enough. She’s just a mortal, a host to be used-*

*And clearly, you haven’t been home long enough either,* Decay interrupted. *We have what we need. Let’s leave her be. For now.*

*Fine...*

I clutched at my head while the world spun around me. With slow, deep breaths, I kept myself from screaming until the glass shards in my brain stopped abrading its every surface. When a dull pound replaced this, I found the strength for something more than containing pain.

Such as considering that They weren’t truly gone from my life. The freedom I’d thought was mine, that Kasai had in part died for, had been smoke and mirrors, a trick, a hoodwink.

Which meant I would have to listen to Them arguing in my head for the rest of my life.

Screaming, I shot out of the throne. I needed something, anything to- to distract me from…

Hauling back, I smacked myself, lifting a cry to the heavens all the while. When that proved unsatisfactory, I tried again, punching myself in the gut, and as air rushed out of me, my palm once more rang on my cheek, sending me stumbling this time. I tripped on the stairs, landing on my back, and my resumed shriek was cut off as swirling ashes settled in my mouth.

I was lying in the remains of a guild chair, someone I’d killed.

Jerking upright, I scrambled free of this flattened pile, jumping to my feet with my eyes fixed on it, and with a dry mouth, I turned to the rest of the room.

In his corner, Ryoko was watching me with a hand on his sword’s hilt, obviously unsure what to do, but then, that matched my uncertainty about whether I could let him live now.

With this display, he’d seen weakness in me. Would he spread that story?

Only a tiny portion of my mind was concerned with him, though. The rest took in how many clumps of ash were lying between us. I counted them, and once I was done, I gasped.

I backed away from it, both the knowledge and the sight, retreating until the backs of my legs hit the throne, and collapsed. So many people were dead by my hand, and I hadn't committed these murders for justice of because I’d been coerced this time. *So many people* who’d been breathing not long ago.

I’d become a killer in truth.

Was this what *gidae* had wanted for me? Had Kasai imagined me as this monster?

They were gone. They’d been the only people I’d loved in my life, and I’d never see them again. Never hear their words of encouragement. Never see the *knowing* in Kasai’s eyes or his understanding of the screaming damage inside, something I couldn’t truly describe. Never know that my father loved me, no matter what I did.

Would *gidae* love me now? Could Kasai understand this?

It didn’t matter. They were dead.

With my elbows on my knees, I dropped my face into my hands and wept.

---

Months sped by in a fugue. In that time, I had so much to learn and do that it almost muted my grief. It at least lessened my pain, and Zhao was there to find me privacy, any time I needed a moment to *unleash.*

Sometimes, he joined me in that.

By the time I’d gotten a handle on being the empress, I found, to my surprise, that my wounds were on the mend. It helped that much of what I’d wanted to accomplish had come to me with little difficulty.

So many changes had been rendered throughout the Hiyukian Empire in such a short time that considering them made my head whirl and my heart race. Unfortunately, no one would budge on the abolition of the one practice I might hate the most.

As someone whispered the crimes of the next condemned in my ear, I tried to focus, but the image of the last person’s face as I’d sentenced him to feed Hiyuki’s fire held my attention.

I hadn’t had much of a choice with him. By the time the city police had caught him, a history of muggings had trailed the boy. Having so much crime attributed to one’s name came with a guaranteed fate once one had been apprehended, and I’d had to comply with that expectation. If I hadn’t, my enemies would have seen it as a weakness they could exploit.

Maybe, however, I could weasel my way out of doing the same to whoever was coming next.

So, what was the crime I’d soon be making a ruling on? Something about killing a guild’s chairman?

Personally, I wanted to congratulate this condemned. The guilds had recovered far more swiftly from my initial attack on them than I’d have liked.

As the empress… I’d do what I could for this condemned.

The audience chamber’s doors opened with the condemned shuffling through them, and on seeing him, I rocked to my feet.

“I would speak with this one alone,” I said.

The people who’d gathered to observe the proceedings murmured at that pronouncement, but no one protested as royal guardsmen led the condemned out of the audience chamber. They’d started getting used to the eccentricities of their new leader.

Still. I’d probably have to deal with more of their nagging and spies than usual in the coming days, but… that was for later.

When I strode into the room where they’d left the condemned, he flinched, especially when Zhao followed me inside.

“Leave us,” I told the people guarding him.

They complied, all of them except for their commander, and I stood still as a statue, keeping my eyes on the condemned until Ryoko nodded the all-clear. Then, ice melted away from me as I shed the empress disguise, and I slung myself into the seat across from the object of my fascination.

“Taro,” I said.

I’d been looking for this man for months, as he was one of the few people who could seriously damage my position, but he’d been lost in the grips of an intelligence network that had refused to switch their loyalty to the daughter of their founder. For weeks, I’d thought he’d somehow been lost to the guilds or someone equally as despicable, but here he was, sitting in front of me. How on earth had he come to be here?

Cringing, the condemned said, “Most blessed.”

With a snort, I waved at him.

“Oh, there’s no need for that here,” I said. “You’re only in this perilous predicament because of my crime, aren’t you?”

*Oo, really?* a voice whispered in my mind. *Which one?*

*Not now, Decay,* I whispered back.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Taro said. “It’s my fault that Sunada’s dead.”

…Interesting.

“Is that what you told the intelligence network after their operatives found you?” I asked.

“Of course,” Taro said. “Because it’s the truth.”

Stepping forward, Zhao leaned on the table.

“And that story’s never changed?” he asked. “Not once in the months you’ve been missing?”

Frowning, Taro swung his head between the old man and me, and I nodded for him to answer the question.

“No. Why would it?” he said. “As I said, it’s *the truth.”*

“Hmm.

Balancing on the back legs of my chair, I glanced up at Ryoko and Zhao. My commander merely shrugged, but my advisor took a long time considering my unspoken question. Eventually, though, he inclined his head.

With my chair’s legs clattering to the floor, I folded my hands under my chin while displaying a pleasant grin above it.

“Congratulations, Taro! You’ve been selected to play the part of rebellion leader,” I said. “Welcome to the team.”

With his frown deepening, Taro backed as far into his chair as he could without toppling it.

Licking his lips, he said, “I don’t understand.”

“Oh, it’s quite simple,” I said. “To advance my goals, I need a rebellion to rise within the next five years. You, Taro, will work closely with your former employee, Morihei. The two of you will organize the downtrodden and any others the monarchy has marginalized, and when I give the signal, you’ll riot in the streets, go on strike, and otherwise cause anarchy across the empire.”

“With my other option being you feeding me to fire, I’m assuming,” Taro said.

Even tense as he was, he managed to exude a sense of calm and self-confidence. He’d do well in the role I’d selected for him.

“What do you think?” I asked, all smiles.

“Why would you...?” Taro muttered to himself before shaking his head.

When he didn’t immediately accept my offer, I wondered what could be holding him back. Did he *want* to die?

“It’s what Kasai would have wanted,” Zhao said.

Oh. Of course.

With his lips parted, Taro lifted his eyes to Zhao before clearing his throat.

“Then, I’ll do it,” he said. “May I ask…? I heard that he’d died. Will you tell me how?”

And the hurt that I’d thought buried resurfaced with a roar, although its noise had somewhat lessened.

“He died saving us all,” Ryoko said.

Thank earth and fire that I’d shared Kasai’s tale with the commander after a particularly impassioned evening together weeks ago. I didn’t think I could have answered Taro’s question, and I knew Zhao couldn’t. He still locked up when he imagined what might have lain behind the Gateway for his son.

“Ah. Yes, that fits. He always did put the people he loved far above himself,” Taro said. “If I may, why would he have wanted to stage an uprising?”

“In all honesty, I’m not sure he would have,” Zhao said, finding his voice, “but in those last few days, he changed. Drastically. And I wasn’t there for most of it. Others were.”

“He means me,” I said, wriggling my fingers in a wave. “I didn’t know Kasai for long, but from what I do know about him, he wanted Hiyuki as strong as it already is but also better.

“I don’t know. I’m probably not clearly capturing what I’m trying to say. You’ll just have to trust me when I say that he’d have approved of my plan.”

“And what is that, exactly?” Taro asked.

Rising from my chair, I leaned over the table with my fingertips pressing into it.

“Quite simply, I, Empress Lin Himi, mean to destroy Hiyuki’s monarchy.”

And as Taro’s features morphed into an expression of surprise and delight, I let it unwind the snarl, ever threatening to consume me, a tiny bit more.

# Chapter Thirty: Alouin

For centuries, ushering essences to what lay beyond life had been my least favorite part of what I did. Listening to someone’s unfulfilled hopes and dreams quickly got tiresome, and don’t get me started on regrets.  
  
As quickly as an unlocked memory of the future had allowed for it, I’d discarded the job, abandoning who knew how many essences to an endless wait in the space between realities. I should probably feel bad about that.

In comparison, once more taking up the responsibility for Kasai had been relatively painless. He’d had few regrets, the only one of significance being leaving his loved ones behind.

If he’d only known how much I’d lied to him while we’d been waiting for Brennan to find us. Ships, how many of his questions had I fielded, knowing they’d cause me inconvenience later?

He’d believed me, though. I’d taken him to the line that I would never cross, and he’d stepped across it with little persuasion on my part, a small victory to offset what was waiting for me in my realm.

When I returned, Brennan was curled on herself with vacancy inhabiting her, and I silently groaned at the task that had been laid before me. Reminding myself of why I needed this contrary woman, I crouched in front of her.

“Brennan?” I said. “Are you-? How can I help?”

Chuckling, she said, “You can start by abandoning the pretense that you care.”

Would giving her honesty, showing her my true self, help her, though? I f I was to achieve my goals, I needed her functional, which made me reluctant to drop the guise that most people found endearing—I’d never understand why—but at the same time, she’d seen me for what I truly was when we’d collaborated in Brighde.

Having known me without my masks, she’d probably find my attempts to pretend like I cared insulting. It was better if I discarded them.

“You’re useless to me like this, lying on the ground like the slave to emotion that you are,” I said. “How do I fix it so you can be useful again?”

Brennan laughed into her knees.

“Only you could think there’s an easy fix for this,” she said.

Which made my lips curl. What did she think I was? An idiot?

I knew someone like her would need time to heal from something like this. I didn’t need her happy, just on her feet again.

I didn’t tell her this, though. I waited, letting her come to her own conclusions, because after spending so much time with her, I knew that she’d reach the right ones without my help. After what seemed like forever—although it was probably more akin to a few minutes—Brennan relaxed from her clenched state, sitting up to face me.

“I have two questions before I decide if I’ll ever help you again,” she said.

And nothing more came from her. Why hadn’t she asked these questions without waiting to see how I’d respond? After this long spent working together, she had to know what I’d say.

Then again, I usually expected more from people than they were capable of giving.

So, once more, I bowed to someone else’s expectations of the course a conversation must take.

“What questions?” I asked.

Lifting her tear-streaked face, Brennan said, “Is your future intact?”

What a good question. The memory unlocked by Kasai’s arrival here several days ago hadn’t advanced past the moment when he decided to sacrifice himself for Hiyuki, so I couldn’t know for sure how things were now, hours after that had happened. I, however, found it unlikely that something between those two moments could have rocked us off-course.

So, I said, “It’s stable.”

The smallest bit of Brennan’s tension leaked from her, but still, my answer made her slump more than anything.

Considering how often she’d appreciated it in the past—not to mention how much humans in general liked the gesture—I crouched, taking her hands in my own.

“And the other question?” I asked.

If anything, Brennan stiffened even further at my touch, but she gave me the response I’d wanted.

“Why did you have me rescue K?” she asked. “You could have rewound his timeline further than you did, and he’d have survived without my help.”

Ah. That question. Should I answer her honestly?

Judging from how much she was glaring at me, I didn’t think I had a choice. She’d always had an uncanny ability to tell when I was lying to her.

“Mostly, I did it to maintain my chosen future,’ I aid, “but I also made the request because if you hadn’t rescued Kasai, we’d have had no story, and the story’s almost as important as preserving reality, Brennan.”

Because without the story, our efforts would go unrecorded. Unnoticed. Lost to the abyss of time.

“I see,” Brennan said.

Ships, I hadn’t heard her sound so dead since shortly after she’d learned about Nuadha’s death. How long would she be out of commission this time?

“I’d like to open a link with Ailig. He’s waiting outside your pocket world,” she said. “You’ve allowed it before. Will you let me have this now?”

“Only if you let me come with you,” I said. “I’m… concerned.”

“Maybe for how my actions might affect you. Never for my wellbeing,” Brennan said, “but fine. You can come.”

She wasn’t wrong…

At her acquiescence to my request, I let the buzz that had been trying to escape my safe space out, and Brennan and I found ourselves somewhere else.

The relative dimness of our surroundings caught me off guard, but once my eyes had adjusted, I slowly swiveled in place to take everything in.

Brennan and I were in a hexagonal chamber of some kind, one that had doors in each of its six sides. Composed of a dark wood, these entrances were framed by brushed metal with a square panel in the center of their heads. Each panel was engraved with a symbol that was clearly meant to designate what lay behind them, but I could make neither head nor tail of them. To me, they seemed like nonsensical squiggles.

A pedestal with a switch on top of it stood at the chamber’s midpoint, but besides this, I saw nothing but black. No visible walls surrounded us, and the source of the room’s light was like one found in an interrogation room, soaring so far above our heads that I couldn’t make it out.

This must be how Brennan crossed between iterations, the antechamber she’d mentioned at the beginning of our adventure together. I’d seen it before, in unlocked memories of the future, but I’d never been here, and as I’d thought, it was fascinating.

Something rammed into my legs, and looking down at it, I rolled my eyes.

“Hello, Ailig,” I said.

Text scrolled into my link.

*What did you do to her?*

“Nothing!” I said. “I-”

Glancing around, I found Brennan in the room and bit back a sigh. She was crouched near the pedestal, hugging her legs, with her forehead resting on her knees. Her sobs, which my fascination with something new had drowned out, assaulted my ears, and I clicked my tongue.

“I may have sent her to Hiyuki, knowing she’d fall in love and that the man she loved would die,” I said.

Honesty usually worked best with constructs like Ailig, as they were better lie detectors than even Brennan was, but in this case, that tactic seemed to have backfired. A panel on Ailig’s sphere flipped open with a blowtorch extending from it, and igniting it, he advanced on me.

“Stop, Ailig,” Brennan said. “You know that would barely sting him.”

As the source of danger he’d presented retreated into his sphere, Ailig shot toward his mistress, nuzzling her like the dogs on her beloved Earth would. While those two commiserated, I circled Brenna’s antechamber.

No matter how many circuits I made of it, however, I couldn’t figure out how these doors let Brennan skim over the space between realities when traveling to new iterations. I’d love to learn that secret. Avoiding the Morán’s domain seemed… smart, given how antagonistic they’d become toward me in recent centuries.

Oh, well. Maybe I could figure out the antechamber’s secrets later. After all, its every detail now lay waiting in my link for review.

Eventually, Brennan climbed to her feet, and I sauntered to her. Damn, she didn’t look good, like a shell waiting to be cracked, and I couldn’t have her like this for long.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“No, you’re not,” Brennan said with even her voice empty.

Wincing, I said, “True, but you seem to like hearing me say it regardless.”

“It’ll take a hell of a lot more than an apology to return things to how they were between us,” she said.

Obviously. Unfortunately, I didn’t yet know what it would take, so I kept my mouth shut, and soon enough, Brennan crossed her arms.

“Do you want my report?” she asked.

And we’d returned to familiar waters.

“That’s not necessary this time,” I said. “I watched everything that happened in Hiyuki as it happened, which makes me think we might have reached our midpoint. This may mark the moment when our divergent timelines intersect.”

“Fascinating,” Brennan sarcastically drawled.

That had seemed a little over the top. I knew she found some of my obsessions—like why her timeline was opposite in nature to mine—more frivolous than others, which made listening to her opinions about them… annoying. As usual, I kept this irritation to myself.

“If you don’t need a report from me, I’m leaving. I’ll visit Brighe. Spend some time with Ellair while I deal with… things,” Brennan said. “Unless you have a problem with that?”

No memory of the future had unlocked to warn me against her taking this course of action, so I shrugged.

“El may be lacking in many things, but he’s a better choice to help you through this than me,” I said. “At least he can relate.”

“You’ve never lost someone? No one you loved has ever…?” Brennan said before shaking her head. “What am I thinking? You can’t love. Of course you’ve never mourned someone before.”

For reasons I couldn’t define, this sparked a fire in my heart, and I barely controlled it before speaking.

“I’ve loved and lost before, but it happened before I made myself the way I am now, so many millennia ago that I hardly remember it. I recall, conceptually, what grief feels like but I can’t translate that into something that might bring you comfort.”

Brennan stared at me like I’d morphed into a monster, and I huffed at her.

“So, Brighde?” I said. “Which door leads to that frozen world?”

Silently, Brennan walked to one with something that might have been a snowflake engraved in its panel. With Ailig rolling to a stop behind her, she laid a hand on it, but before pushing it open, she glanced at me.

“You’re sure this won’t mess with what you’ve seen?” she asked.

“Time’s strange for us, Bren,” I said. “As far as I can tell, we’re moving in opposite directions with both of us traveling into our separate pasts. I doubt that you spending a few months with El will change anything, otherwise, one of us would remember it. Do what you must to heal.”

“So that I’ll be ready when you need to use me again?” she asked, so tired.

Despite myself, I grinned at her. People so rarely surprised me, and while her calling me out was nothing new, doing it in a way that acknowledged how much of our relationship was me preying on her was positively delightful.

“Exactly,” I said.

Sighing, Brennan rested her forehead on the door.

“Tell me one thing, Alouin,” she said. “Will you do anything else that might so thoroughly break me?”

Thinking back on the other times we’d met, I shook my head.

“This is the worst.”

“Ok,” Brennan breathed.

She opened the door, revealing a black similar to a reality rift’s ovoid behind it. Stepping into that ink, she vanished, leaving Ailig behind.

Text from him scrolled into my link.

*If I find out you’ve lied to her…*

“You’ll what? Burn me?” I said. “You forget yourself, construct. When it comes to inventions like you, your creator may be a prodigy, but I could pull you apart with a thought. After all, I wrote a sequence that let me see every possible version of the future. What are your sequences compared to that?”

As Ailig extinguished his pulsing blue lights, I chuckled. With how often I’d had to allure and appease people in recent years, I’d forgotten how much fun subduing another being could be.

The construct rolled to the door with a last message scrolling into my link before he disappeared.

*Please, don’t destroy my mistress.*

I had no intention of doing that. Over the course of my life, I’d never gone out of my way to hurt anyone. In fact, I did *not* like doing it, but sometimes, horrible things like harming another person were necessary for ensuring my chosen future, and doing that came first for me, in all things.

So. Hiyuki had been balanced, something done without my direct intervention for once, and this left a task I’d long thought impossible completed.

My killer had been identified, and wasn’t she a wonder? Of my seven, Himi was, perhaps, the one with the least emotional baggage trailing her, and her personality was simply… enchanting. I’d thoroughly enjoy working with her.

Also, the last time I’d checked, everything was still stable in my other chosen iterations. With free time suddenly mine, what should-?

An initiated sequence took over, leaving me frozen for a moment, but as soon as it had released me, I gasped, leaning on the pedestal at my side.

Vathaylia? That was my last destination? The failed iteration, one that was dead to Lumin and Calig. That couldn’t be right.

But my unlocked memory insisted that was where I should be.

So, I’d visit Vathaylia. I’d find my anomaly, and then, I’d prepare.

Because after those chores were completed, the end would come.

# ...

To whomever receives this note, once it’s been smuggled across the boundary:

As far as history stretches, humanity has theorized about what may be waiting for us beyond death’s veil, spawning so many ideas that it makes the head whorl.

Some believe we’re reborn into a repeating cycle of life, one that we wander through until we find meaning. Others believe paradise awaits us. Still more expound on this theory by claiming that only those found worthy may enter paradise while the rest go to a place full of torment.

I could go on.

My home followed a model quite similar to that last one. What our paradise might have been was never defined, not when all of our focus went to where the weak languish after death: Katanti.

I don’t know if I actually accepted my home’s beliefs or simply went along with them because no alternatives were presented to me.

Having heard a few of those now, I know I’d have favored the idea that after escaping the confines of one’s body, one’s essence joins into a vast collective of other beings. The idea of a single entity merging with a gathering of people, one boasting so many different life experiences and ideas, appeals to me on a deep level.

That’s not what the beyond is, though.

Please, whoever is reading this, take what I say, emblazon it on your heart, and spread it as far and wide as you can. What lies beyond death is like nothing humanity could have comprehended.

It’s so much worse.

Heed my words.

-Amari Kasai.